#that was eight years ago now

[its-monster-mash]

Okay it’s late and I had a very emotional time in the shower so now I’m thinking about personal trauma regarding my mom and I’m thinking about Bo Sinclair and HIS mom and I am a MESS and I think it’s really fascinating from a psychological standpoint so maybe I shouldn’t rant about it on the internet, but I’m going to anyway so BAM. Under the cut for those morbidly curious.

POST WRITING WARNING: That got super incoherent. I am tired and posting anyway. Feel free to pick apart my brain. I am at peace with it. Picking apart my brain is a thing my best friend and I do for sport now tbh.

So long story short, my mom was neglectful at best, and frequently abusive when I was growing up. Like, I ate dog food to stave off hunger pains neglectful and scream at me red faced and nostrils flaring so hard for wetting the bed when I was three that my dad strangled her and that’s why they got a divorce abusive, like, lock me outside until I “Figure it out” when there was a solid BLOCK of ice around the duck enclosure and I broke the shovel trying to chip it away abusive, insist my (former)stepdad is only PLAYING when he beats me and I’m “taking it too far” when I fight back neglectful. (She was on a medication that has since been recalled for causing episodes of violent psychosis and memory loss; she had no idea she was doing any of that—we are on peaceful terms NOW and I no longer blame her; but obviously that doesn’t mean it didn’t effect me VERY badly, I just consider the “mom” from my childhood and my Mom today as two different people)

Anyway, when I was eighteen years old, my mom admitted to me that she never loved me. She told me about how she thought she loved me when I was born, because she didn’t know any better, but that she loved me “the way you love someone else’s baby; like any baby you can just give back” but that she always kind of resented ME for us not having that closeness a mother and daughter “should have”. She said that she didn’t realize until my brother was born(I was nine at the time) what it was supposed to feel like to love your own child. She told me it broke her heart, because she realized she’d spent nine years Not Loving Me and felt like by then it was too late to try to get help and that our relationship was just doomed because she couldn’t love me. (Our relationship only actually improved when my son was born; but the love my mom and I have for each other is definitely Chosen love, more like friends than mother and daughter—though she is a wonderful Grandma)

But like, with that out of the way, Bo Sinclair absolutely breaks my heart because I am INTIMATELY familiar with how it feels to grow up with a mother who does not love you, and who is not impressed with anything you do no matter how hard you try. ESPECIALLY with the “Why can’t you be more like your brother” line in the movie. Like, I 100% know how it feels to grow up watching your sibling be loved while you’re just the burden. (Only, I’m so much older than MY brother, that in our situation I was basically acting as his parent because our mom and his dad were absolutely in no way cut out for the job; so as you can imagine that was…painful).

But like, Bo CLEARLY is still obsessed with trying to prove to his mother even after she’s dead that he’s worthy of her love, and it breaks me because I know from experience how hard it is to accept that you don’t NEED your mother’s love. Being unloved as a child doesn’t mean you can’t ever be loved or that there’s just something about you that people can’t love.

Like GOD Bo is a fucking trash man and literally everything is wrong with him but he did not deserve the childhood that was inflicted upon him.

TLDR: I am normal about Bo Sinclair I am normal about Bo Sinclair I am so fucking NORMAL about Bo Sinclair and also my childhood sucked.

[spearxwind]

Happy 10th birthday to Cercerion!

OUGHHH UR RIGHT CERCIE IS 10 YEARS OLD NOW !!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY BELOVEDEST DID NOTHING WRONG EVER IN HIS WHOLE LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cerise-on-top]

What kind of dates would Gaz, Laswell, Valeria, and Alejandro take you on? (Assuming they had the time lmao)

I'm sick as hell but your blog gives me lots of lovely things to think about while I recover- have a wonderful day ❤️🙏

Hello! I hope you'll get better soon, being sick is just about the worst thing you can be, I was sick not too long ago as well! I'm glad to hear my blog can give you something nice to think about, that was my intention!

Dates with Gaz, Alejandro, Valeria and Laswell

Gaz: He’s a simple man, so he’d likely take you on rather simple dates. Something along the lines of going to the cinema, or maybe taking a walk in the park with him. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy for him, sometimes he just likes being able to spend time with you alone as well, so it’ll be an indoor date where you watch a movie  and cuddle with each other on the couch. Gaz can be a rather touchy guy if you allow him to be, so he’ll likely nuzzle into you a bit as he holds you close. If it was up to him you’d be blankie burritoed until you couldn’t move and would be reliant on him to carry you to bed. However, he also loves watching movies. While he may not be the biggest fan of anime he’ll watch it with you if you absolutely insist on it. Loves, and I mean loves, discussing the movies you’ve watched together afterwards. From the soundtrack to the visuals, the story to its message, he loves spending time with you and telling you all his thoughts about the movie. Saying something sophisticated makes him feel smart, and you actually agreeing with him makes him feel good too. Even if you’re not as movie-literate as he might be, he can still appreciate you listening to everything he has to say about it. If you do listen to him then he’ll invite you to another bucket of popcorn, it’s all on him, even if you insist on paying for him instead. Gaz just loves winding down with the one he loves, so he doesn’t always need to have the most exciting dates. As long as he gets to spend time with you, even in complete silence as you both do what you want, he’s a happy man.

Alejandro: I can see his dates being a bit more exciting than Gaz’. Alejandro is a rather active man and loves some action, so he’d likely love something along the lines of going to an amusement park. His stomach can handle quite a lot, so even the rougher rides won’t be too much of an issue for him. He just hopes that you can take just as much as he can. However, if you like going to amusement parks then you’ve scored with him. It doesn’t only have to be the rollercoasters you’ll be riding, though, sometimes he just loves going to a haunted house with you as well. He’d love it if you’re a scaredy cat about this sort of stuff who clings onto him for safety and reassurance. He’ll laugh a bit about you being so absolutely adorable, and call you out on being a bit scared, but he won’t shoo you away for holding onto him. In fact, he’ll encourage it. Alejandro doesn’t scare easily, he thinks haunted houses to be quite funny, especially with you. Please do hold onto him, though, he loves feeling like the stronger, trusted person who’s with you until the end of it all. He wants nothing more than to be someone you can rely on, even if it’s just something stupid. He certainly also wouldn’t mind going to a tunnel of love with you. Since he doesn’t need to always be so serious with you, he likes goofing around and giving you a big old kiss when he can. His favorites are the rollercoasters, though. He’s loved those ever since he was a child and wants to share that joy with you. Just hearing you scream and laugh with joy makes his heart flutter. He enjoys looking at you as the rollercoasters get to the scary part, all the while you’re either pale or laughing. It warms his heart to spend such a wonderful day with you and no one else.

Valeria: Unlike Gaz and Alejandro, even on date nights she needs to show off just how powerful of a woman she is. Ergo she’ll take you on dates where you’ll be eating some fancy food. Don’t even think about paying yourself. Besides, chances are if you’re a normal worker, then you likely won’t be able to afford the food anyway. However, going to a restaurant every once in a while would be kind of boring in and of itself, so Valeria would like to couple something like that with something else. The Christmas market is in town? There’s a musical you’d like to see? You just wanna go stargaze? Valeria is down for it all. Although she’d need some convincing to go stargazing with you since being outside is a huge risk for her, being seen even more so with you. Other than that she’d amuse herself greatly upon watching a play. She never got to see any when she was a child, even if she had always wanted to see something along the lines of a good musical. And now that she can she won’t let anything at all take that away from her. You better be ready to hear about some new musical or opera in town that you’ll be visiting. An opera she’s always wanted to see would be Carmen, so if that one’s ever in town she’ll be taking some days off to watch it with you, doesn’t matter what she has to do. As long as she gets to be fancy with you and show off to you just how great of a partner she really is, she’s happy. Besides, would you really pass up the opportunity to see her in either a beautiful gown or a fancy suit? Whichever she wears entirely depends on how she’s feeling that evening and how dominant of a person you are.

Laswell: Like Valeria, she’d prefer something fancy. Laswell can afford it these days, so she, too, would take you to a fancy restaurant before going somewhere else. I guess it would entirely depend on what you’re into. If you’re really into astronomy then you’ll go to a planetarium, if you’re really into marine biology then she’ll be taking you to the biggest aquarium nearby. Laswell is flexible like that, but she does prefer something where she can learn a thing or two as well, so she’d love it if you were into going to museums. Doesn’t matter what kind, it’s hard to gross her out with anything, or even bore her with whatever it is you’re into. As long as there’s a museum or an exhibition nearby you can be certain you’ll be going there at some point. However, if she has a few days off, then Laswell isn’t above flying somewhere with you either. A vacation with her is also her ideal version of a date. Just you and her spending time with each other, in the city, in the mountains, at the beach. Doesn’t matter where, Laswell has seen enough in this world, but she never gets to see any of it with you, which is a real shame in her eyes. Besides, she knows a lot of languages as well, so it’s not like you’ll ever have to actively worry about not being understood wherever it is you’re going, she’s got you covered. Laswell loves getting to see all sights with you, so you can be certain she’ll take a few pictures with you as well. Whether you’re doing a goofy pose in front of the tower of Pisa, looking tiny in front of the Sphinx, or absolutely beaming as you regard a temple in Kyoto, Laswell will treasure all of these moments in her entirety for as long as she can. The pictures are just an added bonus.

[pseudophan]

oh that's such a pretty photo! i hope you have a nice time, crossing my fingers for no upload

i feel like there will be but it's ok i've got my laptop and wifi. ideally there won't be so i avoid the really embarrassing 'um sorry i have to go watch dan and phil' moment but

[paigemathews]

abi’s three hundred one hundred follower celebration: choose your three favorite charmed ships | chris halliwell & bianca atwood

the absolutely chokehold these two have on me. enemies to lovers. changing sides and becoming a better person. finding love when you didn’t think yourself worthy of it. finding this one piece of happiness is a world destroyed and having to sacrifice it to the save the world that never did anything for you. risking your love on the hope that you’ll meet again in a new world.

[tea-earl-grey]

sometimes you need to make a cross stitch of a niche outdated meme to feel alive and now he watches me sleep.

also if anyone wants the pattern to this for some ungodly reason then just ask and i'll post it.

[albatris]

hi everyone. I'm still not done being hype over the fact that I finished a novel draft. and I will not shut up about it

[tauforged]

Your mom will be like oh do you want me to KILL MYSELF? after subjecting you to psychological torture that would make the Cold War era CIA go "i think thats a bit much"

LITERALLY. and then the one time I tried to kill myself she spent the entire car ride home from the ER lecturing me about how much it hurt HER feelings and then was making jokes about me overdosing the literal next morning in the same breath as trying to argue that i should have gone to school. beyond parody honestly like if i wrote down my life’s story in a book and tried to publish it people would be saying that she was too cartoonishly evil to take seriously .

[puppyeared]

save me old flipnote studio MVs.......

[melit0n]

EUCLID ANALYSIS.

Part one -> Title and meaning

Part two -> Line by line analysis part one

Part three -> You're already here!

Part four -> Musical/instrumental notes

Part five -> The Night in Sleep Token

Part six -> Conclusion

“I play along with the life signs anyways” → ‘Play along’ implies acting or participating in something that may not be entirely genuine, it's almost childish; playing along with life like it's a joke.

Finishing the line with ‘anyways’ adds a sense of nonchalance to it all. It paints the image that Vessel is going through the motions of life, however, he hasn’t fully accepted it all yet. He’s in this middle zone, the twilight zone, of experiencing it all but through a dissociated state.

“But hope to God you don’t know this feeling” → This one can be interpreted as a direct message to us, as the listener. While Vessel has gone through mass amounts of distress in his lifetime, before he was Vessel and as he is now, he has taken the last option he has left; Sleep. He’s both hoping we don’t follow in his steps and hoping to the Dear God we have never experienced what he has been through and never will.

“Yet in reverse, you are all my symmetry” → And here is the first reference to Euclid of Alexandria and his symmetry.

The lyric, as a whole, expresses an intimately complex sentiment about the nature of Vessel’s relationship with Sleep or his partner. Even when viewed in reverse, the person holds a profound sense of balance (through the metaphor of symmetry) for Vessel; they completed each other perfectly despite their large differences, which eventually drove them apart.

I would like to mention this can also be seen as a response to the message Vessel received that stated he had ‘saved’ the writer. Vessel reflected on this in a speech, concluding that whilst the message is true, it is in an inverse sense. We saved Vessel. We are his symmetry even though we are so utterly different from him. It’s a wonderfully profound lyric, whichever way you decide to interpret it.

“A parallel I would lay my life on” → Symmetry again!

Despite it all, Vessel would lay his life in this relationship, this person; that’s how much trust he has. However, the reference to parallels presents the concept of parallel lines, which never meet. This suggests a distance or separation, which emphasises the unique and individual paths each person is on, whether that be because of fate or free will. Then, the statement that Vessel makes, saying he’d lay his life down for this parallel, indicates a deep and soulful commitment (or sacrifice) for the sake of symmetry. He’s saying he has full willingness to trust this person, even if their stars won't align again. Even if their paths won’t converge, he’d still have some sort of trust in them.

It could also be a callback to the main topic in Acensionism.

“So if your wings won't find you Heaven, I will bring it down like an ancient bygone” → The line calls back to TNDNBTG’s "and the night comes down like Heaven". This is Vessel willing himself to bring down Heaven for someone who deserves it, but cannot bring themselves to reach it, as a gift for them. A thank you.

Plus, the comparison to an ‘ancient bygone’ adds a layer of nostalgia or reference to the past, which suggests Vessel is drawing upon ancient or timeless methods to accomplish this; using the past to his advantage, for once in his life, which then links into the later lyric of "for me, it’s still the autumn leaves".

“Call me when you have the time” → A repeat of the previous refrain, but with changed words. It feels less like a cry for help, but more of a light-hearted question. A ‘Hey! I don’t need you right now, but call me when you’re free, yeah? I’ve got something to talk about’.

“I just need to leave this part of me behind” → Vessel has accepted his walls have closed in on him and have fallen down, and he’s realised he needs to move on. Yet again, it presents Euclid as a eulogy; a closing chapter for Vessel and maybe Sleep Token as a band itself.

“Do you remember me, when the rain gathers?” → Vessel’s past is coming back to him again, he’s finally accepting it all but he’s still clinging on, asking his partner, or Sleep, if they still remember it all.

Further, rain often carries symbolic meanings, such as renewal, cleansing, as well as melancholy. The question is more of a ‘Will you remember me now that I’ve changed? Am I still good enough for you?’

“And do you still believe nothing else matters?” → This line is a callback to Bloodsport’s "tangled with what I never said, and you say it doesn’t matter".

It also brings up change again. At the start of the song, Vessel is afraid of change, changing out of the mindset he’s been in for so long, but now he’s asking his partner if they’re still the same as before. If loving them is still a blood sport.

“For me, it’s still the autumn leaves” → Autumn symbolises change and is the in-between of summer and winter. The middle of constant sunlight and constant darkness; it’s twilight. It displays a long-awaited change and finally, the acceptance of it.

“These ancient canopies that we used to lay beneath” → As autumn arrives, the canopies of the trees change yet again. The trees Vessel his partner used to lay beneath become ancient with all the autumns that have passed. Eventually, his partner becomes an ancient bygone to him.

“No, by now, the night belongs to you” → Direct callback to TNDNBTG from Sundowning. The Night, lore-wise, is presented as something holy. It is their duty, as Vessels of Sleep, to constantly stay awake because the night belongs to Sleep; no one else. Vessel is rebuking against Sleep, stating that the night no longer comes down like Heaven, like he once believed, and belongs to someone entirely human now. It belongs to him. It belongs to us.

“This bough has broken through” → Direct callback to WTBB from One. When the bough breaks is an idiom meaning ‘when a situation has reached the point of no return’. In WTBB, this is in reference to how Vessel and his partner ignore how toxic their relationship has gone because neither of them wants to be alone in their suffering. The bough has broken through because Vessel has left this person, and he has changed. He has overcome the fear of being alone and has changed for the better.

“I must be someone new” → This is a direct statement of how Vessel must change if he wants to continue on. He must find a way to become human again while being a Vessel of Sleep. He has to get over his past.

The bridge then repeats the previous two verses, almost as if Vessel is trying to nail in his final point. He hasn’t got anything more to say, so he’s repeating all he’s said.

Finally, the fourth and final verse is a repetition of the second verse of TNDNBTG. The produced album trilogy, the loop, finishes here. As the listener, we are sent right back to where we first began; in a state of suffering and struggling to accept our new form, to accept our humanity. But, if you run it back, listen to albums again, you’ll be right back at Euclid. You’ll be back to facing the fact of change and guess what? Time has passed again. Could be a couple of hours. Could be a couple of days. Could be a month! But time has passed as you have revisited the past on an empty ceiling and you, as the listener, are faced with change again.

Euclid, in the end, lyrically, becomes the question of have you accepted it yet? Will you allow time to sew your wounds shut, or do you need to go back one more time? Go back to where your atoms stopped fusing, to where it was blue light over murder, or, do you want to face the inevitable?

[magnoliaalchemist]

HAPPY TENTH BIRTHDAY TO CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER

[starbuck]

frankly, i don’t know how you CAN’T take dreams seriously… for years i thought i was an emotionless monster who didn’t truly love anyone until my Pop-pop was dying and i dreamed about him every single night without fail and i have never doubted myself again.

[knightofleo]

[conanssummerchild]

my parents will do absolutely everything for my sister, cater to her every need, and then chastise her for not being able to do things on her own, and they'll ignore my every concern and then chastise me for not asking for help

[dentist-brainsurgeon]

Every day there's something new about Chuggaconroy, it has literally never been more over for him. He needs to Seek professional help for many many years cuz what the hell did I just read

[queenerdloser]

i'm not trying to be mean but if you're not american and you have no idea how the american voting system works, maybe just shut the fuck up about the 2024 election. thanks.