#that’s how much I hate the ASMR ad

[typicalbrunette]

But if the Critical Role team knows how much we hate the ASMR ad, why do they keep playing it? 😭

[vulpinesaint]

watching asmr but also experiencing misophonia... the horrors are neverending, angry at my screen, ready to rip off my headphones, clicked through seventy three videos in the span of fifteen minutes to find one that won't make me want to scream and scratch at my ears until they bleed and the seventy fourth person still makes fucking MOUTH SOUNDS

[aryxchse]

talking to you about you. / percy jackson x female! reader.

a / n : i cute little blurb i came up with, thx to the bf asmrs

warnings : i mentioned getting wet like once

you groaned to your pillow.

it was hard to breath, and the position you were in was not the most comfortable way to lay in bed. but you were so.. frustrated with your feelings that you had to throw up to someone about it.

"hey baby," percy called as he entered your room, immediatly laughing the moment he sees you. "hey, what're you doing pretty?"

you groaned again. he just has to make you feel all mushy-gushy inside, doesn't he?

unfortunately, with a boyfriend like percy, there's no personal space. he flips you to your back with a simple motion, smiling at you. he fixed the hair you messed up with your pillow, and his other hand helded your waist. "hi."

"i hate you." you said, looking at him with a straight face. percy kept his smirk, knowing this is how you say i love you.

"good to see you too, lovely." he said, giving a peck to your nose. "gonna tell me what's going on?"

you tried to hide your face in your palms, but percy kept your hands under his hold. "no hidin' now, pretty."

you sighed, knowing there's no escape. so you faced the fate and fixed the expression on your face. which he thought, you were gonna cry.

"i love you, so much that i need to yap about you to someone but i don't like sharing our personal life you know? like i don't wanna go to piper and say 'oh my gods i am soo in love with percy, did i tell you what he did yesterday', like no i don't want that because it's my special memory and i kinda don't want to share you with anyone else and-"

"breath baby." percy stopped you, smiling like a little boy. he had an understanding expression and he never once judged as you rambled. and you did what he said—you took a deep breath and continued.

"if you were my crush, it would've been much easier because i would get to yap about my delusions to my girlfriends easier since none of it is official, but when it comes to our relationship, i don't want to share but i need to talk about it like a little girl. you know what i mean? no of course you don't, im not making any senc-"

"y/n." he stopped you once again, letting out a low chuckle. which, you added to your 'think later and scream about it.' list. "i do understand you baby, i always do."

you pouted. "can you do something about it?" your voice camed out like a pray, wanting to end the overwhelming feeling inside you. percy thought for a good two minutes before smiling.

"how about you yap to me about me?" he asked. you tilted your head to the side, a questioning look on your face.

"like, i could pretend to be someone else," he begin to explain. "then you could talk to me about me. how's that sound?"

this boy was smart when he wanted to.

"promise you don't think i'm some teenager in love?" you raised an eyebrow.

"baby we are teenagers in love," he giggled and you hit his arm playfully. "you know what i mean, perce."

"okay okay, i promise." he sat straight and pulled you on his lap. "but it will be my turn after this okay?"

"deal." you said with a smile. before you started talking, percy closed his face with his palms and opened them again after a couple of seconds.

"girl you need to UPDATE ME with percy likee-" he couldn't continue because of your laughter and his own giggles. but you liked it so much that you stopped yourself and waited for him to finish with your quiet giggles.

he speaked in such a girly voice and expression that someone would think he geniunely acted like this in his normal life. "i know that boy is treatin' you well and i need to hear EVERYTHING."

you giggled once again before shaking yourself, immediatly getting into the role. "okay so, last night we were sleeping together on the bed okay?"

he nodded with the most serious expression, and you smiled. "and i tried to get up to you know, start my day and whatever and you know what he said to me?"

"girlll, what?"

"don't. go." he gasped and putted a hand on his mouth, screaming with you silently.

"honey this boy KNOWS what he's doing like, boy shut up you tryin' to make me wet or somethin'?" you laughed at this way too much for your own liking that you forgot what you were talking about. and he just sat there, watched you with his own giggles.

later he made you continue and took a mental note of everything you said, making sure to do these more often.

[utilitycaster]

ok we are 10 minutes into kollok and i am straight up not having a good time but I am going to commit to this hour of watching. to keep myself from losing it i'm going to do some very irritating stream of consciousness on this post and post it at the end, nonrebloggably so as to not yuck any yums (though feel free to go wild in the replies). also I need to point out: I don't have misophonia. I have openly and repeatedly said I think the Sam Riegel ASMR ad is not just inoffensive, but actively very funny and enjoyable. The sounds on this show are setting my teeth on edge. I hate it. also for the intro the immersion is genuinely WORSE than say, CR or D20 because everyone's just reading prologues that they've written.

speaking of we're done with the prologues to the prologue and into the prologue, as demonstrated by the title screen and horrible noises.

I call this filter the "yeah I've got mild astigmatism and have taken mushrooms before, you're not special"

hmmm we're stuck in this fuckery for a while and i'm suffering so anyway folks i've made it so polygon will think CR is good:

the music is pretty good I will give them that. also this is literally not special though. like Zac just was like uhhhhhh math as any GM would say, he just was weirdly aiming for suaveness instead of like. normal.

All the profanity on this show sounds like a mormon or a ten year old who just learned the word "fuck" and is trying it out. as a woman who swears constantly i'm like what is HAPPENING. also this blonde woman who isn't on the show in the present day is rolling so hilariously badly. is this why she's not on. girl get out.

back to the present day; this actually is a really good industrial music video ruined by some actual play in the background

"zac, I'm going to command attention please"

"who's zac"

"sorry, driver" ah yes yes this is SOOOOOOO much more immersive i'm totally not making the jerk-off motion

i love u danielle radford you deserve better. although the actual RP now that we're in it is like, fine.

really i think a really significant problem is that this is the most 2014 YA-dystopia plot that ever plotted except as a core part of the premise, everyone is 30. I feel, honestly, that this is the other big issue in actual play that people at polygon obsess over that leaves me ice cold, (also? lots of fandom cold takes), but like...I was a HUGE sf nerd pretty much from childhood, and I think a lot of people came to actual play for a number of reasons not tied to the genres in which it typically exists (fantasy, science fiction, horror). This is fine but it means you get people who act like VERY standard genre conventions are either the most brilliant and original creation on earth, or utterly baffling. Anyway my point is that this is giving Divergent by Veronica Roth but it THINKS it's somewhere between Twin Peaks by David Lynch and the adaptation of the Handmaid's Tale and it's like no babe. you're Divergent by Veronica Roth. stop fronting like you're Twin Peaks. You're Divergent. By Veronica Roth. Which I read while stranded at LaGuardia over a decade ago.

lighting effects are fine honestly. reminds me of the Doja Cat 2020 MTV EMA version of Say So. Wish I were just rewatching that. rotating rock i love you. you are the best thing here other than danielle radford. I feel like I'm in a really fancy Spencer's Gifts. by the way I know i'm being pretty bitchy and incoherent here BUT I'm sober; let's hear it for Stupidly Bougie Soda and Nonalcoholic Spirits.

I'm also eating bean dip with a spoon. in my defense I made REALLY good bean dip and I don't have chips.

I just. other than the digital filter in the flashback I genuinely don't see how this is different than D20 except lacking in any charms and OH GOD THAT'S TIME.

but I want to add that like...the thing is Danielle (C-dubbs) was doing some wacky funny stuff and it felt like it was being shut down and to be fair I get wanting to stick WITHIN the genre but this whole thing feels joyless, and not like "oh, survival horror is so grimdark and sad", I am a tragedy enjoyer, but like. it feels...mandated.

Also this is weird and picky but for all of Those High Production Values (repeated direct quote from the Polygon article) they do a weirdly bad job of filming the die rolls? Like, they cut to the dice trays at the wrong time?

Finally, and this is just a pot shot at Polygon but they should stop making it so easy, but the article was like "I watched the 4-ish hour first episode and I didn't have a clue what was going on but it had Those High Production Values" and it's like...I was demonstrably fucking around on tumblr and in GIMP while watching and I have a pretty solid idea of what was going on. Maybe it goes nuts in the remaining 2.5 hours that I may chip away at to be able say I watched a full episode and decided it "wasn't for me" *smiles like I'm a waitress on Hell's Kitchen and Gordon Ramsey just asked me a question* but I think you might be dumb.

CONCLUSION: just watch the Doja Cat 2020 MTV EMA version of Say So, read Divergent (by Veronica Roth) (you don't have to be at LaGuardia) and like, check out Mentopolis or Misfits and Magic if you want to see Danielle Radford in a Kids on Bikes game that is good.

[sammytheotakunerd]

Can we get an MC who hates taking their medicine? Like they refuse to take it and run and hide and everyone has to search for them? They will try every to not take them so the others are forced to hold them down when they catch them. (This is important medicine that MC can't skip btw)

I just opened the requests, y'all are fast-

More under the cut!

Medicine sucks!

Lucifer

Oh boy..

If this was before lesson 16 and the two of you became close, then he would be irritated at you. He has so many things need to get done but a sick human that needs to get medicine isn't one in his book.

He most likely forced the medicine because he doesn't like to have a dead human in the HOL.

Now when the two of you are close? There's no saying that Lucifer loves you but if he had to make a choice of either:

You wouldn't get the medicine and you'll die at him or get the medicine and you'll be perfectly fine, but you'll get mad at him, then he'll choose option 2.

"MC, for the last time. Take the medicine now or i won't hesitate to shove that to your throat."

No matter the downsides, he'll get that medicine down your throat.

It doesn't matter if you hide or not. He will find you.

(OMG THAT SOUNDS WEIRD AF)

Yes, you'll be angry but it's more worth it than having you dead.

Mammon

GET THE MEDICINE NOW-

He will panic about your condition, no doubt about that.

Before, he'll still worry about you. You're the first ever person that didn't judge him the way he is.

He won't hold you down, but he'll surely beg you.

"Pls MC! Ya gotta take the medicine!"

"Wha-"

Most likely the first ever interaction of a shout he made that wasn't a tsundere move by him.

And he might've made you wake up.

And well, he did that to you at a random 3 am.

He can't sleep for diavolo's sake! The more days you don't drink the medicine, the more his worries multiply.

The more he bothers you, you become more annoyed.

So, what's the best thing to do in this situation?

Definitely not going to hide and make his worries on the triple digits.

He'll find you OR have a whole search party for you. (Which consist of all of the characters that really is worried about you.)

Choose the best option right now because if you don't and keep delaying the medicine then i don't think you'll live for much longer.

Leviathan

Why are you coughing? ARE YOU DYING??

Not even gonna lie but he was weirded out when you coughed. but then he remembered... You're a human and human= weak.

He got the memo and panicked before you can even know what really is going on with you.

He's similar to mammon but he doesn't want to get infected too so he avoids you by staying in his room all day(not that he minds).

He'll text you, that's for sure.

'Hey MC, you ok?'

*seen*

You can't really text. Not while you're literally feeling like dying and every inch of your body feels like pins and needles that sticking to you.

He'll spam text you until you really get annoyed ad reply to him.

'I'm fine thank you :) <3'

It was all worth it because he stopped with texting you but that just is a couple of hours.

So enjoy it while it last~

Asmodeus

His reaction is similar to Levi's but worst.

He loves you; he really does! But he's not willing to get sick with you.

Unlike Levi, he'll call you instead. It's ok to not to respond, he's the one that'll ramble instead, and you just have to listen.

"Did you know that Beel almost destroyed Hell's kitchen?"

This man tells you the biggest tea that you're so entertained.

Sorry Levi but you can't really listen to Asmo's tea while there's so many notifications, so you had no choice but to block Levi.

Asmo's like your personal ASMR and if he had a livestream, you'll surely bet that there will be so many demons watching it.

Not because of his beauty but also for the tea.

he's so good at how to tell the tea that you keep on edge to know what's the next thing that'll happen.

So when he got the news that you didn't want to drink your medicine then your fucked.

That story he was telling you about last night but got caught off because he needed to sleep? Yea it's been delayed.

He doesn't tell you what's next if you don't drink your medicine.

Now you tried to hide? Just hope that you don't have your phone with you.

Satan

What medicine do you need?

He's like the doctor of the family.

He and Asmo sometimes group called you just so you can have a daily checkup.

He sometimes visits you face to face, other times he'll call you.

"Are you feeling better with the medicine?"

He hopes you can be better because you've been looking pale. You might even die.

He trusts his brothers to keep an eye on you.

Trust me, it's better to have beel hold you down because this man can get a bit overboard.

"I'm sorry MC that i went over a bit.. you need to take your medicine."

There's no point if you hide. He will easily find you even if you try to hide.

Beelzebub

Is MC dying!?

He most likely got the news from Lucifer.

This man right here is your new nanny.

He feeds you and spoon feed you. Doesn't matter if you said: 'I'm ok', he would force to spoon feed you.

"MC, I need to spoon feed you because you're sick."

"i told you beel that i'm fine-"

*Cue you trying to get your arms up but they're numb.

(Yea, the both of you stared at your arms. You can practically see his eyes saying: "You know that i know what that meant.")

You gave up not a second later.

While Beel is feeding you, you listen to Asmo. They're a relaxing pair to be with.

You feel like royalty at how beel is so careful at feeding you.

He treats you like you're made of glass(I mean, he ain't wrong tho).

If you don't want to drink the medicine, then as much as he hates doing this to you, he's one of the people that'll hold you down.

Belphegor

....

This man will cuddle you. He doesn't care being sick, he'll cuddle you.

He's by your side 25/8. He doesn't go out often because beel is the one getting the food.

Whenever Asmo calls, he gets annoyed as much. He wants to sleep with you. If asmo calls then it feels like Asmo is there too.

"Hello dear! Do you want to continue what happened or-"

*Belphie ended the call.

"What did you do that for belphie..? (Your voice is raspy and itches so you can't really shout)

As much as you want him to get out so you can have your privacy, you can't really ignore o the fact that he's warm.

When you go to sleep at night, you almost instantly sleep at how comfortable belphie was.

Well as he is with beel at how he feels holding you down, he needs to do it just so you can recover.

[konnorhasapen]

Hey~~ for the Redacted Ask Game - Freelancer, Starlight, D.A.M.N. 💞

OMG HIIIII- (I literally was not expecting anyone to ask me anything💀💀 but I'm so happy people are :D) thankies for the ask!!

Freelancer (what is a skill you'd like to learn and be good at?)— I've bounced around interests quite a bit, and I know some stuff and can do that stuff decently, I'd like to think^^; the thing that I've been hellbent on recently is bass! I've been playing guitar for a few years now and I'm hoping that gives me at least a little but of a buff when learning how to play bass :)

Starlight (what is your favorite constellation and/or planet? What's your zodiac sign?)— My favorite constellation is Orion. I'd like to give a super detailed reason as to why, but I don't think I can. I don't know very much about the constellations—though I'd love to learn (I love learning about anything I don't know or understand tbh-)—but Orion is one of very few constellations I can see right from my backyard, and every time I look at it, I just feel kind of comforted? Little hard to explain and kinda dumb, but I'll stick with it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

D.A.M.N. (how did you get into Redacted?)— This is a really funny story to me actually- it's pretty long so I'll put it under the cut.

I've gone most of my life being subject to my older sister and her incessant obsession with all things vampires and werewolves, so I grew to hate the whole genre altogether. Not to mention, as I got older and was still being forced to sit down and watch The Vampire Diaries with her (otherwise she'd cry and accuse me of not loving or caring about her and make me feel kinda shitty, so I just sucked it up lmao) I came to realize that it was just... horribly written. I'd say horribly acted, but I don't think I can fully blame them for the god-awful teen angst that was poured into that show by the tons. Anyway- when I got into the whole asmr rp thing, I was mostly just listening to normal boring domestic stuff (and comfort for trauma and all that blah-blah-bull). One day, I stumbled across a recommended video from Mr. Redacted ASMR (at the time) and was... less than interested when I saw it was an audio of a "feisty werewolf boyfriend" so I kinda rolled my eyes and continued with my boring normal human stuff. Then, few days later I'm hit with another Redacted recommendation, but this time it was a "nervous air elemental" I was still a little iffy bc this was the same guy who had the werewolf bf stuff, but I went ahead and added it to my playlist of "listen to later" anyways. And then proceeded to forget about it and never touched it.

Couple days after that, I was hit with yet another Redacted recommendation! And this time around it was "a flirty vampire," so now I was like "jfc, why am I getting this stupid vampire and werewolf crap in my recommended??" Scrolled twice, came across another "nervous air elemental" audio and shrugged as I added it to my list, but then promptly forgot all about it yet again.

It was a month and a half. I was still getting this "Redcated ASMR" guy sprinkled generously throughout my recommendations on the youtubes, so I finally said "fuck it, what the hell is this dude all about." Took a gander through his playlists, rolled my eyes again at all the werewolves and vampires in his most popular audios and decided to still steer clear.

Then, as someone who was evidently a sucker (no pun intended) for a good injury comfort, I was suddenly struck with an offer I was admittedly hesitant to take: "Vampire Tends to Your Injuries." I saw it was by that same Redacted dude. Finally, I said "fuck it" and gave it a shot. And now, here I am; one year later stuck in this rabbit hole I don't think I will ever want to climb out of.

(I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO MENTION THAT IM STILL SO PISSED OFF AT MYSELF THAT I DIDN'T JUST GIVE THE FIRST LASKO AUDIO I CAME ACROSS A LISTEN BC IF I HAD, I GUARANTEE I WOULDVE FALLEN IN LOVE AND GOTTEN TO LISTEN TO THE FRED AND BRIGHT SERIES BC I HAD BEEN GETTING RECOMMENDATIONS AND HAD AUDIOS SITTING IN MY PLAYLIST FOR OVER A FUCKING M O N T H BEFORE I ACTUALLY CAVED FFS-)

[teenz-stories]

Teen-Z: Forever Young #1-I Don't Wanna Be Your Ex (Part 7)

Meanwhile Belze-Bob and Greeny are painting the walls. Nymph female sighs.

Greeny: I have absolutely no idea what patterns we should use.

Belze-Bob: stops painting Yeah. I admit,drawing on car isn’t that fun. Unlike doing it for profits on walls.

Seconds later Bully gets an idea. He gets grafitti tools and he draws a golden crown on the wall.

Belze-Bob: ta-daas

Greeny: stares confused Dude. It supposed to be idea for she does air-quotes ,,Act of vandalism”.

Belze-Bob: It kinda is. He shrugs I would write ,,Farewell,Charlie!” and underneath it a crown. Or better. ,,Don’t Touch Pinky Ever Again!”.

Greeny: That last one would sound like he used to be female boxer and peoples would think him and Pinky are in toxic relationship.

Belze-Bob: How about...?

Greeny: cuts him off covering his mouth Nothing vulgar neither.

Belze-Bob: gets Greeny’s hand away from him Girl I didn’t meant anything like that. This goes to Teen-ZTube. We are doing completely family friendly content. He smiles awkwardly

Greeny: How about just simple ,,Bye Bye Charlie!”?

Belze-Bob: blinks confused I literally suggested similiar title seconds ago!

Greeny: smiles cruelly You suggest weird ideas.

Belze-Bob: I literally saved you from bankruptcy last month! If not of me. You would be without job. So I deserve some respect.

Greeny: I am your boss here. She smiles You’re my assistant.

Belze-Bob: growls I sometimes hate working with you.

Greeny: If you hate. Then find different job.

Belze-Bob: eyerolls I can’t! This supposed to be a job untill summer. I have something else in my mind once summer will start.

Greeny: blinks confused What exactly?

Belze-Bob: Surfing instructor. I heard the price is much better. Around 300 Zeedollars per week. You need to suffer with me still untill start of July,Greenie. He smiles widely  

Greeny: sighs dragging Bully’s gray jacket Alright. Come on,dude. We don’t have whole day.

Scene changes into Ninelle watching from boredom „Sweet Dreams ASMR” channel. Pale boogeyman female with mint hair wearing her black hoodie on video presents now made recently slime.

Cassandra: whispers New slime collection named ,,Happy Siren” will be out next week,everyone. But right now I can give you some sneak peek how scooping them will turn out.

Boogeyman female presents mermaid aquamarine  slime. She then pulls our the spoon.

Cassandra: I am glad I didn’t used cloud dough. She giggles But you should know that watching peoples dreams inspires me a lot to make new slimes. I am thinking about changing my content into vlogs. Those who keeps in touch with me,knows that I made a poll already about switching content. If you didn’t voted. Vote now.

Creepy pauses the video as she opens Cassandra’s Teen-ZTube page. She votes ,,Vlogs!!!”. Mermaid meanwhile looks at the damaged yellow mini skirt.

Mermaid: looks at the hole Well. You were right. This really looks terrible. She looks then at what Creepy is watching You watch also Dreamcatcher?

Ninelle: looks up from her phone Who?

Mermaid: Cassandra Spook. ASMR Teen-ZTuber.

Ninelle: blinks Oh yes! I watch her sometimes! And I heard she signed up to exchange student program! Having Teen-ZTuber among us who makes amazing slimes would be interesting.

Light: looks at the ruined materials Sorry to cut off the talk but Pinky texted me that we need to hurry with outfits.

Ninelle: sighs I had my designs ready but because of clothes moths we gotten to the point where we were starting.

Mermaid: looks at the damaged shirt Not exactly,honey. Hand me the scissors,thread and needle.

Light nods as he gives to Mermaid things she said. Mermaid smirks as she fixes that outfit in few seconds. She presents to everyone yellow skirt with white frills.

Dark: presses his thumb against his chin Well. You added different touch for this outfit.

Mermaid: Oh because this is how I plan my outfit to look like. Next is...?

Ninelle: shyly raising her hand Me?

Mermaid: gasps You need some change,darling!

Ninelle: shyly You mean my hair or my dress...?

Mermaid: Everything! If we start doing something new,we can also change our styles!

Ninelle: Alright. She sighs

Mermaid: I will sew something for you and later we will go to my spa. I closed for the night but. She shows Creepy keys to her spa I am more than welcome.

Ninelle: Even after that action with Chea?

Mermaid: Chea was an idiot who didn’t respected me. She had it coming. Plus. One negative opinion under hundred positive? Darling,please.

Ninelle: I will buy also new Glitter High doll after that.

Mermaid: There’s new line?

Ninelle: nods Velvet Lavender with slime pet! And many others but Velvet caught my eye. I wanna see if this glitter slime will look great like they said in the advertisements.

Mermaid: If Lovely will be still open...

Ninelle: Oh no. I’m not buying in Lovely anymore.

Dark: confused Why? I thought you-doll collector were always going there to buy Glitter High dolls.

Ninelle: tuts Well. Times changed. Last week I went to Lovely to check prices. 300 Zeedollars for one doll! This is ridiculous.

Mermaid: Fair point.

Scene changes into Pinky walking through the movieset. She finds Charlie inside. He plays video games and doesn’t pay attention to Pinky.

Pinky: sighs Hey. Charlie? Can we talk?

Charlie: looks up from video game Sure! What’s up?

Pinky: You know. She shyly rubs her hand against her arm Now that I think about this song and music video. I really start to reconsider our relationship.

Charlie: shrugs And?

Pinky: gasps What?! You really don’t care about what I say to you?!

Charlie: If you wanna break up with me. That’s cool. There’s plenty of other fishes in the sea. He snarls It’s up to you.

To whole scene looks Luvboy peeking from the other room. He gasps seeing Pinky in tears.

Pinky: So you only dated me because of my status quo?! Her voice gets shaky How could you?

Charlie: eyerolls Oh please. Pinky. I really love you. But I...

Alvin (offscreen): Charlie. Cut that off!

Pinky spots Luvboy walking with his drawing tablet. He is angry.

Alvin: angry What’s gotten into you,dude?! You guys been lovey-dovey and stuff. And now what?! He pushes Charlie to the table

Charlie: stands up angry It’s none of your business,Luvboy!

Alvin: Oh I think it is mine.

Pinky gets between angry boys.

Pinky: Guys! Stop! She pushes them away

Charlie and Luvboy stares shocked at Pinky.

Pinky: turns to Charlie I’m sorry,Charlie. I can’t do this anymore. Better end this relationship now than making from you my accessory,right? She smiles through tears

Charlie: I never been your accessory anyway!

Pinky: she sighs You wouldn’t understand. Peoples been right. This was leading to nowhere. I gotten in the toxic relationship.

Pinky runs away sad. Luvboy follows her. Scene changes into Pinky sitting on the parapet outside of the set sighing sadly. There can be seen full moon in the sky.

Alvin: pats Pinky’s back You’re good?

Pinky: sulks on the parapet No. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I just wanted to make Charlie understand that this relationship is starting to feel so forced. And besides. It was always about him. I can’t believe I gotten into this kind of relationship. She laughs sarcastically What’s next? I will fall in love with some ugly weirdo because he will save my life?

Alvin: looks with worry at Pinky Now you know how I felt before we broke up.

Pinky: realises she made terrible mistake Oh God... she hides her face in her hands I feel embarrassed now.

Alvin: Maybe you should take a break from relationships? Not gonna lie but you dated almost everyone. Me,Bully,once you even tried to hit on Dark and Kid,Charlie. Well almost everyone from our year. He grabs Pinky’s arms Pinky. You ruin your life. Each relationship you get yourself into is worse than previous one. You wanna be loved? Then stop treating peoples like only you matter and rest are your toys. I think this relationship with this egoist taught you a lot.

Pinky: hugs Luvboy with closed eyes  I feel glad to have you. Then she stands up with idea in her head That’s it!

Alvin: confused What?

Pinky: I have an idea. Wait near my home. I will take a bath because I definitaly should relax after whole day.

Alvin: confused And then what?

Pinky: Then. We will go to your place and we will make test animation. You will show me how are you doing this.

Alvin: Let me guess. It’s for the music video purposes?

Pinky: Not really. She notices unamused Luvboy Okay it is.

Alvin: 60 Zeedollars.

Pinky: gasps

Alvin: I told you I don’t animate music videos for free. I know I am in your project but I want to have kinda profits from it too. He then sighs smiling gently But. You can get discount. I am lowering the price. 30 Zeedollars.

Pinky nods as she pays Luvboy 30 Zeedollars.

Pinky: Now I can truly get into the role. Since Charlie from now on is my ex-boyfriend!

[cockadilf]

Reasons I hate TikTok, a growing list (I use TikTok every day despite this)

1. I hate how the comment section has a word limit which leads to my comments having to be in like 5 parts per sentence.

2. I hate how replies to comments aren’t listed chronologically, so when I do have to make my comments in 5 parts, they aren’t listed in proper order.

3. I hate those TikTok’s that use the nasally voice filter. So many use this filter and I hate that voice so much.

4. I hate when influencers use makeup filters for no reason. It’s fine when there’s a purpose, like playing different characters in skits, but if someone’s just on there to talk about their day and they’re using a makeup filter, that bugs me so much.

5. I hate TikTok ads. I hate all of them but especially the ones where an influencer hops on to say “Guys I got the viral notebook!” Or whatever and then it’s the cheapest ugliest piece of junk I’ve ever seen in my life.

6. I hate how TikTok has people saying “delulu” and “acoustic” with no sense of self awareness of how stupid, unfunny, and harmful those terms are.

7. I hate when every comment of a TikTok video are people saying the same thing, which is “This is definitely word-you’ve-never-heard-in-your-life.” Everyone in the comments section acts like it’s common knowledge when it’s obvious they’re just repeating what another commenter said. Seriously the comments on TikTok always read like 14-year-olds wrote them. And half the time whatever it is they’re calling it is completely wrong.

8. I hate those duets that people do where they take a TikTok video of a skit or whatever and then next to it have random asmr satisfying slime footage or whatever. It’s obvious they’re trying to get away with reposting other people’s content, and yet TikTok often pushes those videos in front of me instead of the originals.

9. I hate Reddit stories with Minecraft footage overlayed on them, which use ai voices. This is everywhere on YouTube though so it’s not really TikTok’s fault. Except for how on YouTube I can easily avoid them when TikTok pushes them on my feed all the time.

10. I hate how so many videos are split up into multiple parts, sometimes up to 10, and most of the parts add nothing of value. So at this point I just skip to the end of the video to see if they finished the cake or whatever and keep scrolling if it’s not done.

11. I hate how there’s no easy way to block people on TikTok. You have to go through multiple menus to do it, and it’s not intuitive to find. It sucks.

12. I hate TikTok lives. All of them in general but especially the ones that are people playing snake, people playing that weird version of Tetris, and people asking the comments section to solve a stupid riddle.

13. I hate on TikTok lives when the creator says they’ll do or reveal something if just one more person follows, and then continue to say that even after 20 new people follow. It’s never getting resolved.

14. I hate how easy it is to accidentally end up in TikTok lives section.

15. I hate how addicting TikTok is. I’ll go on for 5 minutes and suddenly 3 hours have passed. And I don’t even like most of the content!

16. I hate how TikTok seems to push the videos I comment on to my mutuals, so oftentimes they’ll see my comments. I hate that. My comments are meant to fall into the void, I don’t want people I care about them to actually see them!

[vanilladove]

♡ Helloo, I saw that your requests are open, so can I request being the wife of Jouno [: ? Just Hcs and if you want a scenario (or sth else)

I'm gonna leave the rest up to you, I hope you have fun writing it and Thank you ^^

ugh i absolutely love jouno😻 he's so underrated, and i think this trope is adorable ♥︎ i added some spicy stuff oops

png creds eundior

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: jouno x wife!reader

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre: fluff + suggestive (sex mentions)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ content warnings: some nsfw content in the last section; read at your own discretion

𓊆ྀི❤︎𓊇ྀི in general...

Husband!Jouno is the definition of "when he hates everyone but you". He only shows his soft side to you.

Gifted you a matching red rope earring with a bell that you wear on the opposite ear ♥︎

Despite making fun of and degrading literally everyone on the daily, Jouno craves your praise to the point where he'll get needy and start begging for reassurance lol.

Gets sassy during arguments/when you haven't given him enough praise and will use his ability to dissipate into thin air every time you get close to him until you eventually cave in and apologize/compliment him XD

Since he still needs to fulfill his evil urges but doesn't want to offend you, he resorts to teasing and excessive flirting. Won't give you any peace bc he picks up on every reaction.

Bc he’s constantly snarky and rude to others, his love language is words of affirmation since he saves his kindness for you.

𓊆ྀི❤︎𓊇ྀི relationship dynamics

Extremely protective & possessive: whenever you're both in public, he always has an arm wrapped around you or on your shoulder; whenever passerbys ogle you or try to signal dirty things to you (they usually try stuff bc they notice that Jouno's blind), he always calls them out menacingly, threatening them enough to send them running away in fear.

Becomes your primary provider, basically making you a housewife lol. He would justify you not working/make you work from home bc he wants to keep you safe from people targeting him for being a Hunting Dog/ex-criminal executive.

When he's stressed after a busy day of mocking tecchou work, the first thing he does when he comes home is cuddle with you and listen to your heartbeat...it's basically like his white noise/comfort sound :,(

Basically your entire presence comforts him, probably lowkey develops attachment issues like a needy kitten hehe

Not much privacy between you two bc of his Super Senses™. He knows your heartbeat and "default" body settings (breathing patterns, fidgets, etc.) better than his own.

Because of this, he always wins arguments or gets the last word...

"Hmmph. I'm not mad"

"Yeah? Wanna explain why your heartbeat got faster then? Or why you exhaled loudly?"

"..."

"Ur mad :p"

You guys probably listen to ASMR together lol

Never strays too far from you and always is wrapped around you: hugging you from behind + resting his chin on your shoulder/kissing your neck whenever you're cooking or shopping for groceries.

Brings your home-cooked meals to work everyday (they're his fav food) and brags about how good his wife's food is (especially to Tecchou)

"An unrefined idiot like you would never understand the luxury of a wife's--what the hell, Tecchou? Are you putting chocolate syrup on your sushi?"

Since he’s blind, most of his compliments are about your personality and actions. He goes crazy from your signature perfume and prefers when you wear soft clothes (they’re the best for cuddling).

Occasionally, he’ll comment on how beautiful you are, even though he can’t actually see you. Whenever you mention that, he responds that he “just knows it’s true”. Otherwise, I think he would give you cheesy compliments about how you have “a beautiful aura” and stuff like that lol.

Husband!Jouno’s the type to easily become a yandere…

𓊆ྀི❤︎𓊇ྀི spicy 🤫

Husband!Jouno is a big fan of phone sex since he's needy and can't stand being away from you or not hearing your voice.

Likes eating you out/fingering you bc he can hear the heartbeat down there.

Forces you to not hide your voice, but doesn't actually care since he can still clearly hear your muffled moans.

An expert at dirty talk and won't shut up during sexy time...hopefully you have a praise/degrading kink...

Even though he mostly stays gentle with you, I think he still has a bit of a dacryphilia kink and is into impact play + rough sex bc of his past personality (。-∀-)

𓊆ྀི❤︎𓊇ྀི fluffy vignette ♥︎

*KNOCK KNOCK*

"...."

Jouno already knew who was aggressively pounding on his office door. The two biggest idiots in the Hunting Dogs: Teruko and Tecchou. He scrunched his nose as a foul odor from behind the door crept up on him. Whatever it was, he wanted it gone. He had a plan: pretend he wasn't there until they lef--

"Oi, Jouno, we know you're in there! Open up, Damn it! Your captain's commanding you!" Teruko demanded in her usual high-pitched squeaky voice, now banging on the door. Still in line with his original plan, Jouno only remained silent since the last thing he wanted was to let the two smelly intruders into his clean, precious space.

"Captain, maybe he's not in there. It is almost lunch time, so he--" Tecchou started.

"Shut up! We already checked the break room, so--" Teruko suddenly went silent as her hand passed over the door knob, "Hey, it's unlocked..." Jouno winced as he heard her twist the knob and storm in along with Tecchou--not reacting fast enough to use his ability and escape the scene. He cringed as the smell assualted his senses; it was one that was too familiar--Captain Fukuchi's vomit. He impulsively plugged his nose as his face twisted. "See, Techhou, told'ya he was in here. What do have to say for yourself, huh, Jouno?"

Jouno only turned away disgustedly. "I didn't open the door for a reason, Captain. Some of us value hygiene around here. Plus you two stink--unless you're here for a reason, disrespectfully, leave." Jouno coughed dramatically, "I'm about to pass out."

Shock crossed Teruko and Tecchou's faces from the blatant rudeness, and before his hot-headed senior could go off on Jouno for 'disrespecting his elders', Tecchou butted in. "The captain threw up after drinking too much again, so we tried to clean it up since he has a meeting in an hour, but the smell won't go away, even though we tried everything." He clenched his fists sadly, "I even put flowers all over the pile on it to cover up the smell...I guess they died for nothing..."

Flowers? Over a pile of vomit? Now Jouno didn't know if he was going to pass out from the stench or the idiocy of his coworkers. Teruko sighed deeply, "After that, I tried using air freshener, but that made it smell worse somehow...Anyways, we were going to ask you if you knew where the bleach is."

"You two...Did you both lose all your braincells?" Jouno couldn't be more disappointed in everyone, starting with his raging alcoholic of a captain. Next, he turned to Tecchou, "What kind of moron uses flowers for cleaning? We're the Hunting Dogs, not the Hunting Fairies" He sighed as he felt a migraine forming, "God, I wish you would just di--" Jouno paused when he heard a familiar chime in the distance. Once he had confirmed a special someone's footsteps, he took off running, yelling to "call the janitors" and leaving the two confused behind him.

You sighed as you walked into the break room, bowing politely to thank the security guard for leading you there. You placed the lunchbox down on a table and held your face in embarrassment. You'd unknowingly slept in this morning and didn't have enough time to make or pack Jouno's lunch. It'd become an unspoken norm between the two of you to wake up at the same time, and you would cook a meal and stock up Jouno's work snacks while he got ready. Even though he never asked you to do it before, it became a habit after you'd gotten married. He'd always tease you about your "cute little housewife tendencies" like he wasn't the one who'd secretly made you into one. You were just about to call him to say you were there until you felt a strong pair of arms swiftly wrap around you.

"I missed you~" Your husband expressed, pulling you into a chair and seating you on his lap. You yelped as he buried his head into your chest and inhaled your scent. He adored the scent of your favorite perfume and the way you smelled like your shared home--like his. Jouno groaned as he drowned out the world listening to your heartbeat and you both shared an intimate moment of silence.

Smiling to yourself, you ran your fingers through his soft white hair as he pulled you closer. It was clear that he was stressed. "What's wrong, dear?" You asked, massaging his temples.

You giggled as he explained the situation and rubbed his shoulders. "Ah, I see. That sounds like something those two would do..." You looked down to the original reason you came, "Oh, right! I brought your lunch--it's your favorite," you paused, "Sorry for sleeping in today...You should've said something to wake me up..."

Jouno finally dug his head out of your chest to look up at you. "Oh, about that, I didn't wake you up on purpose. Your breathing was just so peaceful that I didn't want to disturb you..." You pursed your lips at that. "Besides, I knew you'd come to visit me at work! It's a win-win situation in the end!" You blushed at your husband's teasing; he'd won another one of his silly games yet again.

"Jeez...just wake me up next time...Anyways, I bought you some strawberry cake since there's a bakery close to the headquarters! Think of it as a thanks for all your hard work!" You perked, kissing his forehead lightly. It definitely wasn't meant to be an apology cake or bought because you were craving sweets.

"Yeah?" Jouno smirked, reveling in your praise. He caressed your sides, "My hard work, huh? What else about me are you thankful for?" You pouted as you realized you'd just been caught in a compliment trap--how gullible you were. It didn't help that Jouno was looking up straight at you and kneading your soft skin over your long dress.

Blushing, you started, "I'm thankful that you take care of me and our home. You're the bust cuddle partner...You have pretty hair and a nice voice, you're strong and..." You were about to continue until you looked to see Jouno's flushed face, he nuzzled into your chest again, muttering "I love you" lowly.

You beamed at the precious sight and lifted your husband's face up to yours. "I love you too, Jouno, so much." You brought your lips to his and kissed him sweetly, your red nails tugging softly on his hair and drawing quiet groans from him. He passionately kissed you back, hugging you tightly and angling your face to deepen the kiss, noting the way your heartbeat got faster and how your muscles relaxed in ease.

You pulled away suddenly after hearing koncks on the door, much to Jouno's disappointment. "It's just the janitor, we can still--"

"It's fine," You sighed, gently getting up from his lap and fixing your dress, "I'm meeting with some friends soon, so I should get going. You've got stuff to get back to, too. The world still needs saving!" Jouno pouted at that, missing your warmth on him and the sound of your pulse in his ears. "I'll see you at home, then. Keep up the good work!" You jokingly patted his head and turned away towards the door before he quickly grabbed the lunchbox and took your hand. He didn't want you to leave him just yet.

"W-wait, I'll walk you out. This place is big, so you might get lost. Security might not let you out since they won't recognize you. And there might be someone suspicious outsi--"

You giggled at his rambling, "Okay, I get it. Let's go~" You pulled him along and he wrapped his arm around your waist to lead you to the exit. He couldn't believe how utterly whipped he'd become for you, his beloved wife. His cheeks were red like the tips of his hair as he held your face and kissed you goodbye, watching as you drove away.

While the world knew Jouno as a sadistic ex-criminal fighting for justice, only you knew his soft side as a devoted and loving husband that would do anything for his pretty wife ♥︎

[gryficowa]

When you are a zoomer on the autism spectrum and people associate anti-stress as a symbol of generation alpha

How should I feel in this situation when the thing that helps calm me down is considered alpha generation?

Seriously, it pisses me off so much that generations are divided into better and worse, and it's always the "Older" ones that will see themselves as better, even if it comes at the expense of people on the autism spectrum who use "Bad Generation Alpha" stuff

Always the new generation is angry, which pisses me off because Generation Z didn't like it when the boomers insulted them, and today Generation Z itself is doing it towards Generation Alpha, can we finally break this chain?

It irritates me so much that instead of breaking the chain, zoomers do the same thing that boomers do to them

They called us zoomers stupid, we hated it, and now we are doing it to the new generation

Hello, we were supposed to fight discrimination, not continue it

I know, chaos, but I'm disappointed with my generation, because now they are becoming the boomers they hated and it's so painful, plus they're adding an attack on things from "The Worse Generation" that are used and liked by people on the autism spectrum. (Or used as an anti-stress), which can be classified as ableism (Seriously, people on the autism spectrum are excluded for anti-stress and liking ASMR)

[mostghst]

big ol’ think piece about social media

For the longest time, I knew social media negatively affected something within my psyche. At first I thought it changed the way I view the news. It used to be that you’d go and turn on the 6 o’clock news, or willingly go get the morning paper. By doing this, you are actively acknowledging that you are ready to see what’s happening in the world, including the bad things. As an ex-twitter user (I was on tumblr as a tween so it wasn’t like weird migration for me), the reason I got off of twitter was bc of the doom scrolling. All I was seeing was news of awful things happening everywhere, followed by posts of “why isn’t anyone talking about this,” when really I just wanted to see what my fave kpop group was doing.

So,,, I got off of twitter. That’s why I’m back on tumblr and trying to regain what I had as a 13 yr old. As a recent college grad looking for a career in art/media, I’m trying to use social media now to bolster myself into something. With that comes the use of t*kt*k. At first I had deleted it bc of how it takes so much of my time-- the endless scrolling of it. Now, I have a 2 hr limit on it to control myself as I try to navigate post grad life. This two hour limit (and 15 min allowances) let’s me reflect on the content that smacks my in the face every 30 secs:

It’s just more doom scrolling. But worse.

On twitter I can mute accounts and words. I don’t have to read infuriating tweets of billionaires, alt-right conservatives, and ppl who want to start lgbt discourse. I can’t do that on t*kt*k. I get a weird mixture of puppy dogs, car accidents, hate crimes, and cleaning asmr. I actively avoid car content bc it triggers me, and for some reason the algorithm wants to show me that. I like videos of puppies playing, and then I get videos of dogs dying of cancer that’s telling me to watch it 3 times to pay for surgery. I actively cannot relax and enjoy content anymore bc I get unrelaxing content every minute. I do not want to be educated rn. I do not want to be informed rn. I just want to rest. There’s a weird mix of burnout and guilt that comes with this for some reason. I’m tired of my brain being assaulted by deep, serious, and sometimes upsetting, content. But some of the content contains things I have the privilege to ignore. Does swiping up make me a bad person? No. I can’t be useful if I’m burnt out. If I’m being pelted by surface level takes of deeper issues constantly, I’m never going to want to dig deeper. I’ll be too tired!

SNS has genuinely ruined my mental health. It’s not bc of the blue light, or photoshopped images. It’s not just bc everyone looks perfect on sns, but I no longer have control of how I get news. Everyday I’m forcibly informed of everything bad happening, I get a kitten video as a buffer, and I’m just expected to regulate my emotions like that in 15 secs. There is no more soaking it in, here’s a funny corporate meme ad instead!

[thebibliosphere]

I don't know how or why, but YouTube has been putting a lot of “day in the life”/ASMR type videos in my recommendations lately. One is a lady from South Korea who makes productivity videos showing what she does in a day starting at 5 am, where she cooks full three-course meals for her husband’s lunch box where everything is aesthetic and beautiful; all movements are practiced and graceful and calm and every inch of her beautiful home is pristine. And I’m just over here feeling like a gremlin because you can bet your ass if I’m awake and cooking short ribs at 5 am; it’s because I took my meds at the wrong time; I haven’t slept yet, and chances are something is on fire or about to be.

Watching this morning’s recommended video made me realize I have a love/hate relationship with these kind of videos. They’re basically catnip for my ADHD because yeah, they're meant to make you want to feel productive! They’re meant to be chill and aesthetically pleasing! And I’m sure some people can just enjoy them at face value. But they also make me feel wholly inadequate and a deep sense of shame over who I am and how I live that veers into the whole, “if you just tried harder” rhetoric that many of us with ADHD have been familiar with our whole lives. Where no one believes we already are trying our hardest. So much so that sometimes we even doubt it ourselves.

And I have to remind myself it’s not real life we’re being shown. It's the Instagram effect. It’s a daily routine filtered down into 15 minutes replete with ad breaks. Everything is staged. Each shot probably takes three or four takes to get. And we certainly don't see the outtakes. And I’m probably not the only one who needs to be reminded of that.

So just in case you need it:

Id: an image of Carrie Fisher holding her phone up, implied to be looking on/recording whatever you’re doing with a look of approval and the caption “you’re doing amazing sweetie” underneath.

[myherowritings]

PART 3. ACCIDENTAL SUGAR DADDY?

SUMMARY. Todoroki Shouto was a wealthy, young CEO who inherited his father’s enterprise. You were a barista at a local cafe who wouldn’t mind some extra cash. One day, Shouto came in during an early morning shift and tipped you such a large sum of money, you were certain it had to have been an accident. To your surprise and complete pleasure: It was not.

PAIRING. ceo!todoroki shouto x barista!reader

WORD COUNT. 2.4k

GENRE. ceo/barista au, fluff, eventual smut

WARNINGS. none in this chapter

A/N. happy new year y’all! :3 i hope you have a good 2021 and here is some flirty ceo!shouto for u to enjoy as we enter the new year hehe ;) thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy! xx sof

SERIES MASTERLIST

© myherowritings — all rights reserved. reposting, modifying, copying, or translating of any kind is not allowed. do not read my writing as asmr. do not plagiarize.

“I heard you dropped by this weekend,” you said as a greeting, a playful smile on your lips. “Looking for me?”

If the tips of his ears didn’t tinge pink, you would have guessed Shouto was completely unaffected by your words. 

“Mn.” He drew his attention away from your gaze and pointedly adjusted his cufflinks. “Good morning to you too.” 

You laughed, accepting you wouldn’t get anything out of your attempt at teasing. “Morning, Shouto. How was your weekend?” 

The cafe was quite busy this hour, but Miyazaki took over the other register to alleviate the stress (though, what she really said was so you and pretty boy—who happened to be rich rich—could talk). Whatever the reason, you were glad for a small break whenever you could get it.

“You could say it was busy,” he replied, sounding a bit tired. For the first time since you met him, you actually noticed how exhausted he looked. You wanted to put cucumbers on his eyes and lay his head down on your lap to coax him to sleep. Nonetheless, he smiled softly at you. “And yours? I hope you were able to have time to rest and relax.”

You nodded. “I just slept a lot and caught up on the shows I missed throughout the week.”

“The real way a weekend should be spent.” 

His voice was teasing but he didn’t sound mocking. Just...somewhat playful. There was something about his tone that made you want to hear it again.

“Something tells me you need a weekend away where you could just relax and do nothing,” you commented, tapping the back of your pen to your chin. “Do you not have any days off at work?” 

He considered this. “Depends what you mean by day off.” 

“If you have to ask that, that probably means you don’t have a day off, huh?” you said with a frown, holding your hand over your chest as you sighed dramatically. “You poor thing. Overworked and tired. Maybe I should steal you away one weekend and get you to just relax.” 

You were only half-serious.

“Maybe you should,” agreed Shouto, sounding full-serious.

“Maybe I will,” you blurted before you could stop yourself. Maybe you could if you actually had his number… Then, feeling shameful you said, “But, ah, anyway, what can I get for you today? We actually have cheese danishes again!”

His face brightened. “You do? I’ll take five dozen.”

With a laugh you took down his order. You really weren’t sure where all these pastries were going when he bought it, but judging from his expression, you figured it must be somewhere good. 

“And for your drink?”

“This time I’ll have a large green tea with almond milk, please.” 

You nodded but tilted your head to the side in question. “No coffee with extra shots of espresso today?” 

“I add too much sugar and creamer to my coffee,” he admitted sheepishly. “And with all the baked goods I’ve been eating I realized I may have had an excess amount of sweets lately.” 

With an understanding laugh you patted his hand that was resting on the counter woefully. “I can definitely relate to that. If too many sweets are bad for you they shouldn’t have made it taste so good.”

Shouto glanced down at where your hands touched, an expression you couldn’t quite discern on his face. Averting your gaze, you quickly pulled your hand back. Was that inappropriate of you? Did he find it too pushy?

“Oh— Sorry about that,” you said, rubbing your elbow with your opposite hand. “Got a bit ahead of myself there.”

“No, it’s fine.” He blinked once. “I didn’t mind.”

Unsure if he meant anything by that and unsure if you were reading too much into things, you simply brushed the topic off and moved on to getting his order in telling him the price. 

“Paying by card again, I’m assuming?” you asked before hitting the appropriate button on the screen.

“Correct.”

By now the sight of the sleek and pretty credit card was one you grew rather fond of as he scanned over the payment terminal and signed his name. Was it weird you wanted to examine his signature more closely? Shouto seemed like the type of person who would have a fancy signature that somehow looked like art. 

As per routine, you told him his order would be ready for pick up at his right and, before he left the register, he thanked you and gave you another $100. 

Did it feel any less strange than the first time he tipped you? Not really, no. But you still weren’t going to complain about a generous tip from a willing customer.

Before he left with his cheese danishes and cup of tea in hand, he stopped by next to you with a small smile. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N.”

You grinned back. “Can’t wait, Shouto!” 

— ✩ —

This went on for a whole other week. By this point, he had given you over $1,000 in tip and you were starting to feel like you should give him something in return despite him assuring you he didn’t expect anything. 

When you told your friends about the nice guy you met while you were working and they asked for the details, the first thing they said in response to your situation was, “Sugar daddy?” 

Before they planted that thought into your head, you just took it as a rich businessman who hated the rich and believed in redistribution of wealth—you couldn’t complain about that. That made him even more appealing, if you must say. But once Kaminari and Ashido whispered those two words, you couldn’t help but see the comparisons. 

You had no issues with sugar daddies or sugar babies; as long as they were two consenting adults, what did it matter to you? It just wasn’t something you were looking for at the time and you didn’t want Shouto to get the wrong impression or involve yourself in something you weren’t ready to. 

As you commuted to work for your next morning shift, you told yourself today was the day you’d thank him one final time for the tips, but tell him you couldn’t accept anymore. You were sure he’d be understanding but you also hoped it wouldn’t deter him from coming to see you. That was the last thing you’d want. 

“Mrs. Miyazaki,” you said between customers. “When Shouto comes in, do you think I can step away from the register to talk to him for a little? I promise it’ll be brief!”

She waved her hand dismissively. “That’s not a problem. Are you finally going to ask him out or something?”

You scratched the back of your neck. “Or something, yeah.” 

Thankfully, by the time Shouto arrived today, it was later than he normally came, meaning rush hour was almost dying down. 

“Good morning! Someone’s a little late today,” you teased. “Overslept?” 

“I wish,” he sighed wistfully. “I had a meeting early this morning and it just ended. Didn’t have a chance to pick up some coffee or pastries beforehand.” 

You frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope whoever was hosting the meeting at least provided you guys drinks and snacks!” 

He paused. “He did, but… I just thought yours were better.” 

Smiling at the compliment, you preened. “Well, I can’t say I’m not surprised. And I’m glad you were able to drop by still. Would’ve missed you too much otherwise.”

Again, you were only half-serious.

“Hm. I would’ve missed you too.”

And again, he seemed full-serious. Not that you minded. 

After taking his order and watching him pay, you pulled him to the side, looking over at your boss so she knew what was going on. She gave you a brief nod as you turned your attention to Shouto. 

A lapse of silence went by and he spoke up, “Did you have something you wanted to say?” 

“Yeah, actually.” You wrung your fingers nervously, hoping you wouldn’t say anything to offend him since you knew his actions were coming from a kind place. “I just wanted to say… I’m not really looking for a sugar daddy right now.”

He blinked once. Then twice. “Pardon?” 

You stared at him, unsure what to say. 

“I— Sorry. I wasn’t… It’s not my intention to be a...sugar daddy either.” Shouto’s face flushed a bright pink that made your own cheeks warm up in response. 

“But the—the money? I just… I guess I thought…” You winced.

So he wasn’t trying to pick up a sugar baby… Well, this was awkward. But regardless, you think you’ve gotten close enough to him to the point where it would feel weird accepting money from him. 

“I’m sorry if I was unclear. It really is just a tip to show appreciation for your service here.” 

You shook your head. “No! Sorry, that makes sense! My friends just said… And then I…” you trailed off, feeling a million times more flustered than when you started. “Sorry about that. The sugar daddy mishap aside, I still wanted to say that I really appreciate the tips you gave, but I don’t think I can accept them anymore.” 

Slowly, he nodded, adjusting the collar of his dress shirt. “I understand. Did something happen?”

“No, nothing happened!” you were quick to assure. “I really am thankful, but… I think we’ve gotten too close for me to be comfortable accepting that much money, you know?”

Shouto tilted his head to the side, listening intently. 

“Like,” you tried to explain, fiddling with your apron, “over the past few weeks I just think we’ve gotten to know each other more and I think of you as a friend of sorts now.” You peered at him through your lashes, hoping your words were making sense. “I think as a relationship develops—for me, at least—adding money into the mix can cause weird power imbalances if not communicated properly. And I just don’t want that for us.” 

He thought through your words for a while before agreeing. “I get what you mean. I wouldn’t want to unintentionally make you feel like you owe me anything, so if you’re not comfortable with it, I can stop.” 

“Thanks, Shouto,” you said with a beam, glad he was so receptive. Really though, what else did you expect? From your interactions with him you took him to be kindhearted and open. Of course he wouldn’t be upset over this. “But just to be clear, this doesn’t mean you should stop coming! Right? I don’t want to stop being your friend or anything!” 

With a small laugh, he nodded. “Sure. I wouldn’t want to part with my favorite cafe. And I’d like to keep being friends as well.”

Those words warmed your heart. You really were nervous about this confrontation earlier; you didn’t want voicing your opinion to mean ending your friendship. (Although, if you sharing what you were comfortable with was enough to end a relationship, then you supposed it was bound to be a toxic and stifling one in the long run and it was good to know in the beginning to end it before it could grow.) Turns out, however, that you didn’t even need to worry about that. He was understanding and sweet and you were glad to have gotten this out of the way.

“Well, as new friends,” you said, gently nudging his side, “maybe we should get to know each other more? Exchange numbers… Hang out outside of this cafe…” You ran through some suggestions, almost bouncing on your feet in excitement. “I mean, I know you’re always so busy and might not have much free time to hang out. But— If you’re ever free one weekend…” 

“I’d enjoy that,” he cut in, saving you from blabbering your mouth off and accidentally embarrassing yourself. “Didn’t you say you’d steal me away from work to relax? I’m still holding you to that.” 

The beginnings of a smirk formed on his face as he looked at your flustered expression. Was he teasing you?

You huffed, pretending to be insulted by his playful mocking. “Guess I’ll really have to do it then.” 

“Guess so.”

“Maybe you should give me your number first so we could plan it.” 

“Okay.”

He handed you his phone and you handed him yours, both of your adding your numbers to the contact list. Smiling, you held the phone in front of the two of you to take a contact picture of yourself for Shouto’s phone. To your complete surprise, he laughed before promptly following suit and taking a selfie for his contact image. 

“Cute,” you said when he handed you back your phone. 

“You too.” 

Placing your device back in your pocket, you looked at him, hand on hip. “Since when did you become such a smooth-talker? Am I going to have to guard my heart now?” 

His only response was a shrug, but you could see hints of a smile playing on his face. The two of you seemed to be smiling a lot lately, you couldn’t help but notice. 

“I should probably let you go to work now—and I should go back to mine.” You gestured to the growing line at the front of the store. Your manager looked like she had things under control, but you didn’t want to take advantage of her kindness. “You should text me later though. If you want.”

“I’ll do that,” Shouto promised, picking up his drink and pastry boxes from the side counter. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N. And… I’ll message you soon.” 

As you watched him leave the store, you were certain you had a silly look on your face as you stared in a trance. 

“I’ll turn my phone off silent just for you!” you said to his back, hoping he understood what a momentous occasion this was. Your phone was always on silent (unless you were playing a game, of course). But for Shouto, you could handle hearing the obnoxious ringtone and text tone. 

With an amused expression he nodded before waving goodbye.

Later on that day, at the end of your shift, you noticed a new message from a certain someone that made your stomach flutter.

Shouto: Hi there. It’s Shouto :)

You never knew those four simple words would be enough to keep the grin plastered on your face up until the moment your head hit your pillow to fall asleep. But, damn— Were you glad that happened to be the case. 

a/n: whY WAS SHOUTO AND Y/N EXCHANGING NUMBERS SO CUTE idk that scene got me all blushy and :DDD HFJDKSF like taking a selfie with shouto and getting his number? only goal in life BFHFGF,, also y/n said no more tips how we feeling? ;o 

what to expect in the next part:

an unwanted visitor ಥ_ಥ

shouto has a...proposition for y/n 

FLIRTING FLUFF SO MUCH CUTENESS U MIGHT CRY

y/n struggles with their fEeLiNGs~

[dottielovegood]

ASMR - Chapter 4

Elriel fanfiction

About this fic:

Azriel can’t sleep Elain has an ASMR channel Match made in heaven (or you know, on youtube..)

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You can find chapter 1 here, chapter 2 here and chapter 3 here

Read this fic on AO3

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The following week, Azriel read Elain’s messages too many times to admit. He had answered her that “meat banjo” was, indeed, a vile word, and after that, they hadn’t really talked or texted.

He had saved her number as “Elain”, which had felt weirdly private. As if they were friends, which they were not. He was just her friendly helper, and she was his remedy for nightmares.

However, even though they didn’t know each other, Azriel felt an odd sensation in his chest when he thought about her. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought that he was missing her, which was absurd. But the tight little knot in his chest felt very much like longing. He tried to tell himself that this was weird and stupid. He knew that he had a crush on her (even though he hated to admit it), but he could also see that it was a pointless crush. She was an internet sensation, he was a boring IT guy. She was light and happiness and flowers, he was dark and brooding. She made people smile, he made people uncomfortable. And then there was the practical side of things. They had met on the internet. She probably lived on the other side of the country. Hell, she could even live in a different country for all he knew. She might have a partner already - it’s not like he asked. And, last but not least, she probably didn’t have a crush on him.

Before talking to her on the phone, he had just thought that she was a pretty girl that deserved kindness. But after their phone call, he had definitely developed a crush. Which was another reason why he hadn’t texted her. He didn’t want to bother her and he didn’t want to have this crush. He wanted to stop feeling like this for a girl he would never see in real life. Yet, every night before bed, he found himself on her youtube page, watching one of her many videos.

She uploaded a new video to Youtube every Friday, so when Friday came around, Azriel was itching to get home so he could go to sleep (he told himself that he was looking forward to sleeping and not to seeing her face).

However, he had an entire workday to get through first. The office was mostly an open landscape and Azriel’s desk was next to Cassian’s. The only person with his own office was Rhysand, which was fair since he was the owner of the company. At two in the afternoon, Rhys poked his head out of his office.

“You guys are still coming for dinner this weekend, right?”

“Yeah,” Azriel and Cassian answered in unison.

“I told Feyre that I would help her with the food,” Azriel continued.

Rhys looked like he was going to kiss Azriel. “Oh, god. Thank you, man. I was scared that we would have to repeat the Christmas dinner,” he said and shuddered.

Feyre hated to cook and Rhys did most of the cooking at home, but for some inexplicable reason, she always wanted to cook for holidays or family dinners. To everyone’s dismay. Christmas had been no exception. She had burned the turkey, added salt instead of sugar to the dessert and somehow managed to buy the wrong berries for her cranberry sauce. Luckily, Rhys had been prepared and bought a few frozen pizzas and some ice cream, so the day wasn’t that much of a disaster, but nobody wanted to brave Feyre’s cooking again.

“Why don’t you just cook?” Cassian asked without looking up from his screen.

“You know that she kicks me out if I so much as go near the kitchen when we have these family dinners. And since she started the hormone treatment, she has been a bit bitchy when she gets mad, so I’ll just do whatever she says.”

Azriel chuckled. He could tell from Rhysand’s tone that Feyre had been more than “a bit” bitchy.

“I don’t understand why she lets Azriel help, though…”

“Maybe because she knows that I’ll tell her to sit down with a glass of wine and a magazine, and then she can take all of the credit for the food?”

“Fair enough.” Rhys shrugged. “Just burn the food a little bit, or it won’t be believable.”

Cassian snorted. “No one would believe that something edible was made by your wife. Sorry.”

“She does make a great green smoothie, though,” Rhys grinned and held up his glass.

Azriel and Cassian looked at each other and had to bite their tongues to keep from laughing. The smoothie looked vile and smelled even worse.

After a few more minutes of small talk, Rhys went back to his office for an important phone call. “See you on Saturday,” he reminded them before closing the door.

Azriel and Cassian worked in silence for the remainder of the day.

When Azriel came home that evening, he made a quick pasta carbonara to eat in front of the TV. He was re-watching New Girl. It was his comfort show and absolutely nobody knew that he watched it (and had watched it multiple times). He would take that information with him to the grave. But it was fun and cute and sometimes he liked to imagine his friends as characters in the show. Cassian was probably Schmidt, because Nesta was one hundred percent Cece. Feyre was Jess, which meant that Rhys was Nick. And then there was Azriel. He wanted to say that he was a very cool character, but most characters on this show weren’t cool, and also, he was definitely Winston. Alone with a cat - sounds about right , Azriel thought to himself as he finished his bowl of pasta.

When the episode ended he just waited for the next to start. He didn’t have any plans for the night and nowhere to be. His phone vibrated where he had left it on the kitchen counter. He ignored it, feeling too lazy to get up. But then it vibrated again. With a sigh, he got up. He expected to see a text from Mor telling him to bring wine tomorrow, or maybe a strange meme from Cassian. What he didn’t expect was to see Elain’s name on his screen.

He could feel his heart in his throat as he read her messages.

Elain Hey, Shadowsinger. I’m uploading a new video soon. You should watch it!

Elain I hope that message didn’t sound creepy? I just meant that I think you might like it.

Azriel’s hands were sweaty.

Azriel You didn’t sound creepy at all. Of course, I’ll watch your video. May I ask what I can expect from it?

Just seconds later, Elain answered.

Elain You can ask, but I might not tell ;)

Azriel Should I be worried?

Elain Haha, no! I think it turned out great. You were my inspiration :)

Azriel could feel himself blush. He had never been someone’s inspiration before.

Azriel So, I’m your muse? ;)

Oh god, was that too flirty? Was the winky-face too much? He wished that he could take back the message.

Elain For tonight, yes!

Azriel stared at his phone, unsure of what to answer. Luckily, Elain wrote to him again.

Elain What are you doing tonight?

Azriel Nothing. Just eating pasta and watching TV. How about you?

Elain That sounds amazing. I have been editing this video for hours so I’m just tired and cranky, haha. I have just ordered a pizza and I think I’ll just eat it in bed as soon as this video has finished uploading. What did you watch?

Azriel If I told you, I would have to kill you.

Elain Oh, intriguing! Is it trashy drama? I bet it’s Grey’s anatomy! Or maybe… Love Island?

Azriel stared at his phone. Did she really think that he would watch something like Love Island?

Azriel I watched New Girl, okay. Don’t tell anyone.

Elain Your secret is safe with me! Also, I love New Girl! Especially Winston!

It felt as if someone was squeezing Azriel’s heart.

Azriel Really? Which character would you be?

Elain My pizza is here so I am going to put all of my electronics in a different room and eat my pizza while reading a good book. It was great talking to you, Azriel! Please tell me what you thought of the video when you have watched it.

Elain Oh, and I would probably be Winston’s cat. lol

Azriel almost dropped his phone. If he had to be alone with a cat for the rest of his life, he would definitely want Elain to be his cat , he thought to himself. Which was a weird thing to think about someone you didn’t know. Azriel dropped his head to his kitchen counter and took a deep breath before replying.

Azriel It was great talking to you too, Elain. Enjoy your dinner and your book :)

She didn’t answer, but she didn’t have to. Azriel was going to be thinking about her for the rest of the night anyway.

30 minutes later, he got a notification telling him that Flower Girl ASMR had uploaded a new video. The video was called “ASMR for IT-guys”, which made him chuckle. He clicked the video and Elain’s beautiful face filled his screen again.

“Hello, my lovelies, lovelies, lovelies,” she whispered in her microphone. “This week’s video will be a bit different,” she continued, slowly moving her hands in front of the camera. “This video was inspired by my friend who recently helped me with some computer-related issues, issues, issues.”

Azriel loved it when she repeated words like that. And he liked that he somehow was a part of this video. It was something that connected them. Azriel paused the video and got into bed, knowing fully well that he would probably fall asleep soon if he kept watching this.

He pressed play again. “So, today, I thought that we would try a few computer-related triggers. I have a keyboard here,” she said and started typing on a keyboard that was out of view. “I thought that I would say a few trigger words while typing them.”

She smiled at the camera and pressed a few more keys. “I just wrote my friend’s name, but you won’t get to know who he is. But you know who you are. Thank you for your help!”

Azriel felt all warm inside.

She continued the video. “The first trigger word is IP address ”. Azriel laughed as she repeated the word multiple times while typing quickly.

“And then we have, laptop, laptop, laptop,” she continued, and Azriel felt shivers go down his spine when she popped the p’s.

Azriel had never thought that he would fall asleep to someone whispering “HTML coding” in his ears, but here he was. Relaxed and ready to sleep.

All thanks to Flower Girl ASMR.

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

The next day, Azriel texted Elain that he had loved the video. He waited for hours, but no reply came. Maybe she just wanted to repay me for helping her? Azriel thought. Maybe she would stop talking to him now that he had seen the video.

The thought of never talking to Elain again made him feel a new kind of ache in his chest. An ache he didn’t want to feel. This stupid crush needs to end, he muttered to himself as he started to scrub his kitchen counter. He tried to ignore the feeling by keeping busy. He cleaned his apartment and did some laundry before heading over to his friends’ house.

Rhys greeted him by the door and ushered him inside.

“She started cooking like 15 minutes ago, please save whatever can be saved,” he whispered to Azriel. Azriel chuckled and made his way to the kitchen. On the way there, he passed the living room and stopped to greet his friends. He saw most of them on a daily basis because of work, but he was still happy to see them. Cassian and his fiancée Nesta sat close together on one of the green velvet couches. On the opposite couch sat Mor and Amren. Mor was one of the journalists at Velaris News, and Amren was an editor. They had known each other for years. Amren and Rhys had studied together at university, and Mor was Rhysand’s cousin. Once upon a time, Azriel had a crush on Mor. One night after one too many glasses at Rita’s he confessed his feelings to her and she had looked horrified. He had expected her to tell him that she didn’t fancy him and leave it at that, but instead, she had blurted “I like girls!”

Azriel was the first person she ever came out to, and he had felt honored. He also knew now that they wouldn’t have worked out together in the long run (even if Mor had been straight). They were just too different. She was energetic and outgoing and fun, he needed peace and quiet. But she was still one of his very best friends.

Amren on the other hand, he didn’t know as well. She had always been very private, but she was damn good at her job.

“Where’s Varian tonight?” Azriel asked Amren, trying to make small talk.

“How should I know?” she answered quickly. “I’m not his mother.”

Cassian stared at her. “But you are his girlfriend?”

She shrugged. “I don’t like to label things.”

Nesta rolled her eyes. Amren had lived with Varian for the past two years, but she was still reluctant to tell anyone about their relationship.

Azriel made his way into the kitchen, and from what he could tell, he made it just in time.

“What are you making, Feyre?” he asked, because truthfully, he couldn’t tell.

Feyre turned around quickly as if he had startled her. “Oh, hi Az,” she said and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.

Something was burning.

“I was trying to make lamb chops with glazed carrots, roasted potatoes, and salsa verde, but…” she gestured to the stove, which looked like a disaster.

Azriel chuckled. “That’s ambitious.” He lifted the lid from one of the pots and could clearly see that she had overcooked the lamb 10 minutes ago. Also, why had she made them in a pot, and not a frying pan? It would be inedible.

The potatoes were still in the sink, unpeeled.

She gave him a strained smile. “Will you help me?”

“Of course.” Azriel put the grocery bag he had brought with him on the kitchen island. “On one condition.”

“Anything.” She sounded desperate.

“Please, for the love of god, let Rhys cook when we come over. You really don’t have to show off. You are good at many things, Feyre. But cooking is unfortunately not one of them.”

She nodded. “I know,” she sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen island and buried her face in her hand. “I just...I need to be able to cook when I become a mother.”

Azriel took her hand in his. “You really don’t. Nobody expect fathers to be good at cooking, so why should every mother be good at it? Honestly, just let Rhys cook while you play with the kids.”

She smiled at him. “That actually sounds amazing,” she sighed.

“Right?”

Azriel started to pull out some ingredients from the bag on the kitchen island. He held up the tomatoes and the spaghetti, “How about some pasta arrabbiata with burrata?”

“Sounds fancy.”

He shrugged. “Everything sounds fancier in a different language. It’s just pasta with a spicy tomato sauce, and burrata on top.”

“Whatever you make will probably be better than that mess,” she said and glanced towards the stove. Azriel couldn’t disagree.

“Probably,” he laughed and got to work. Azriel placed all the pots and pans in the sink and started chopping the vegetables for the sauce, and in just 30 minutes, dinner was served.

“You are my hero,” Feyre said and kissed his cheek as she carried the big bowl of pasta to the dining room.

Everyone had already gathered around the table, wine glasses in hand. As Azriel sat down, Mor poured him some wine.

“This looks amazing,” Nesta said and Cassian nodded in agreement.

“Thanks, Az helped a little,” Feyre said and winked at Azriel.

“Just a bit,” Azriel said and took a sip of wine.

The conversation (and wine) flowed freely, as it always did. Cassian and Nesta told them about their wedding plans, Mor gushed about Emerie, a girl she was dating, and Feyre told them about life as a high school art teacher. Azriel would never understand how anyone could choose to spend their days with teenagers, but Feyre loved it.

After two bottles of wine, Nesta and Mor were in an argument about which animal was the cutest.

“No, I am telling you, Sloths are cuter than any animal ever,” Mor exclaimed. “Have you seen their dopey little faces?”

“Sloths? Really?” Nesta looked at her as if she had suggested that the sky was green. “Red pandas are way cuter! They are cute and cuddly, Sloths just look like every single stoner I went to high school with.”

They had been at it for 10 minutes, which Azriel found to be quite impressive.

“Can you both just shut up?” Amren gritted out. “The cutest animals are koalas. They’re even cute when they fight. I am right, you are wrong. Please stop this meaningless discussion before I die from boredom.”

Nesta and Mor looked at Amren, and then at each other.

“We obviously have to see Koalas fight if you want us to end this conversation,” Mor said.

Nesta nodded. “Obviously. Give me your phone, Az,” she said and reached for his phone.

“Why do you need my phone?”

“Because mine is dead and yours is right there on the table. Also, your screen is big and we need to watch this in full HD, for obvious reasons.”

Azriel huffed a laugh, unlocked his phone, and handed it to Nesta.

She clicked the Youtube app, and then her face fell. She looked at Azriel as if he was an alien, and then she showed the phone to Cassian who looked at him with the same facial expression.

What the hell had they found?

He didn’t have anything weird on his phone. And he sure as hell didn’t watch porn on it.

“What?” Azriel asked, and Nesta turned the phone.

Fuck. The last video he had watched was still loaded on Youtube, and of course, it was Elain’s latest video.

“What the hell is this?” Nesta asked, almost looking angry.

Azriel didn’t understand why she found ASMR so wrong, but he desperately wanted to explain himself.

“Well, it’s ASMR. It’s kind of… well, it’s hard to explain, but it helps me sleep and– “

Nesta interrupted him before he could finish. “I know what ASMR is. I am wondering why you are watching Elain?”

Azriel stared at Nesta in shock. Did she also like Elain’s videos? But that wouldn’t explain the anger and confusion.

“Do you...know her?” Azriel asked.

“Yes, we went to university together. She’s our florist for the wedding. She was the florist at their wedding, too,” Nesta answered and gestured towards Rhys and Feyre. “Surely you have met her?”

Azriel could do nothing but shake his head in confusion. If he had ever met Elain, he would have known. You didn’t forget a face like hers.

“Please tell me you’re not stalking her like some creep, Az. Honestly, her last boyfriend was the world’s biggest asshat.”

“I’m not stalking her,” Azriel blurted out. “I’m just watching her videos to fall asleep, I promise. I– I didn’t know that you knew her.”

Nesta eyed him suspiciously. “So, is this just a coincidence?”

He nodded. “Weirder things have happened,” he said, trying to lighten the mood.

Nesta glanced at Cassian, and then back at Azriel. “Fine,” she said after a small eternity. “You would probably be cute together anyway. Sorry for insinuating that you would be a stalker.” She really did look remorseful. “That wasn’t fair. I’m just very protective of her. She’s the nicest girl, but she has horrendous taste in men.”

Azriel couldn’t answer, because his mind was still stuck on the fact that Nesta said that they would be cute together. He wanted to ask Nesta why she thought that. He kind of also wanted to ask her if Elain lived here in Velaris, and what her favorite movie was, and if she, by any chance, had a boyfriend. But he refrained, he didn’t want to sound like a stalker.

“So, what the fuck is ASMR?” Cassian asked. “Is it like porn?”

Before Azriel could answer, Rhys said “It’s like porn for your ears, I guess,” and then the entire table was laughing.

“Nesta,” Feyre said when the laughter had died down. “Does Elain still have that cute, little shop on River Street?”

“Mhm,” Nesta answered and took a sip of her wine.

Azriel could kiss Feyre for asking. And if he wasn’t mistaken, he could see her wink in his direction before raising her water glass to her lips.

Azriel walked home that evening with a million thoughts in his head.

He made a list in his head:

Elain lived in Velaris

River Street was literally a 10-minute walk from his home.

Nesta thought that they would be cute together

This meant nothing

She probably didn’t even like him back

Just because they were in the same city, it didn’t mean that they would ever meet.

This was still just a crush

And it was probably one-sided

She hadn’t even answered his latest text message.

And as if on cue, his phone vibrated in his pocket.

Elain I’m sorry that I didn’t answer you earlier. I’ve been at work all day. We had a leak in the basement and everything was just chaos. I haven’t even checked my phone until now.

He mentally scratched number 9 from his list.

Azriel No worries! Did you fix the leak?

Azriel checked the time on his phone: 23.30

Had she dealt with this leak until now?

Elain Yes! But so many flowers were ruined (I’m a florist) and I had to remake a few arrangements for a wedding that’s coming up.

Elain I’m sorry. You probably don’t care. I’m happy that you liked the video :)

Azriel wanted to tell her that he did care. That everything she said was interesting to him. He would probably even find her Starbucks order fascinating. But that bordered on stalker behavior.

Azriel Again, no worries! Sometimes when you’ve had a bad day, you just need someone to vent to.

Elain Exactly! Thank you for letting me vent :) This day is finally over!

There was a selfie attached to the last message.

Elain was standing in front of a big window surrounded by flowers. She was wearing a white, oversized shirt and her hair was in a messy bun. She looked tired but happy. She was giving him ‘thumbs up’ in the photo and through the window, he could see the Sidra. They were indeed in the same city. It made him both happy and nervous.

Elain Sweaty but happy to be heading home :)

Azriel received that last message when he walked through the door to his apartment. What the hell was he supposed to answer?

But then he thought back to Nesta’s words.

You would probably be cute together.

So he took a deep breath and gathered all his courage.

Azriel You still look beautiful though

He stared at his phone. Would she answer? Would she block him? Would she tell him to stop being a creep?

Elain Thank you :) What do you look like? I might have forgotten ;)

Okay. That was flirty. Even Azriel could tell that that was a flirty text message, and he was usually oblivious to such things. He quickly walked to his bathroom (it was the room with the best lighting). He checked his shirt (no stains) and mussed with his hair.

“Good enough,” he muttered, and snapped a selfie.

Before he could chicken out, he sent it to her.

Within seconds, he received a reply.

Elain Beautiful!

[helpicant-stop]

dsmp characters if they were youtubers: part two—c!tntduo

wilbur (Wilbur Soot): his channel started when he was like 10, and they were just home videos of him making lego contraptions before completely wrecking them in various 10 year old ways. phil and The Fridge were very much present. the videos slowly transitioned through periods of silence and random variety to a phase of exclusively music for several years

when he joined the dsmp he began making vlogs in l'manburg with the occasional "JOIN OUR COUNTRY" added in. he used the community tab way too much. he used it even more during election era, which was 90% politics/debate videos/hypotheticals if pog2020 won. the videos thinned out in pogtopia and completely disappeared post-october 16, but reappeared briefly for a livestream of the rebellion and ended with him tossing the camera to the ground right before he ran into the button room. the stream crashed after tnt (or a wither blast) exploded the camera and it fell in the water.

ghostbur forgot his youtube password.

revivedbur, upon finally fucking remembering his youtube password, immediately started doing asmr which i feel like is lowkey plausible in canon. he also made those batshit rp pov ones but they're all just him recalling actual events that happened to him and they're all painstakingly accurate (the acting in some of them make certain viewers who were present at its actual occurence very uncomfortable). after his like 6-month long absence his return video was like 30 minutes long detailing the reasons why he was absent. everyone he knew was in the comments being like "why did you have time to make and edit a half-hour long youtube video but not ring me up after you apparently got resurrected."

expectedly, his videos have a lot of dislikes. there's always gonna be that top comment that's like "for those who don't know why his videos get so much hate:" and then there's an essay the length of a geronimo stilton book

almost all of his videos have philosophical elements and he's made several video essays on life that are usually just him talking while looking at the sun rise over different settings. he has also made videos advertising wilburger that are passive-aggressively shading las nevadas while simultaneously wanting to join and also insulting quackity and simping for him at the same time and it's the most confusing thing you'll ever see (unless you are quackity, in which case you completely keep up)

quackity (bigQ/LasNevadasOfficial): he has two channels, one for personal stuff and one for las nevadas. bigQ is the older one and started off with meme edits that are the video equivalent of standing inside a radioactive microwave while the loudest sound in the world plays. when he canonically went into juvie he kept making videos somehow with the fucking cctv but they were all "1 MINUTE LIFE HACK HOW TO ESCAPE JUVIE!!!" videos and all of them ended in failure.

he immediately went back to the meme edits that would give you 420 psychic damage once he left, but imagine all of the mass whiplash his followers got when he went from posting big chungus with rave effects and distorted caramelldansen to well-produced persuasive video essays on why you should vote for swag2020 (do not worry the meme edits have not stopped. they just got banished to youtube shorts)

this eventually turned into him just making full on manberg propaganda and the people who hadn't fucking disintegrated from the extreme tonal change were mostly on board but also concerned at how he didn't seem to be fully comfortable with schlatt around. he stopped posting after october 16, but exactly a month after he came out with a 60-minute exposè on his dead ex-husband. (he didn't talk about them being partners, though, which meant the commenters were still very concerned. he eventually turned off all the comments and like:dislike ratio from this time) a few days later he came out with an update video that was also a recording of schlatt's funeral, heart consumption and everything, by someone in the back whose hands were probably the vadivua earthquake.

in new l'manberg he began making video essays about politics and, just like tubbo, had a 3-hour long video on why the butcher army failed except he was much angrier than tubbo was. videos at this time were also a lot less frequent. after doomsday, he made a remembrance video about l'manberg that the rest of the l'manbrrgians worked on (even tommy). it's the video with the most views and there are three dislikes on it (i'm sure you can guess by who).

during and after this there was also a brief period of daily vlogs he'd upload of him with karl and sapnap running around and doing shit that proved he had incredibly shaky hands and also owned an iphone 6s. after the falling out, they all ended up being privated and never spoken of again

in las nevadas, he made "LasNevadasOfficial," which is basically like every other corporate youtube channel but with a lot more projection and passive aggression. he uploads most of his videos on las nevadas there but he posts some short unedited clips of him and the las nevadas boys hanging out on his personal channel that are promoted a lot less than everything else he makes. he also does a lot of card trick tutorials and has nade a 2 hour long video called "WHY CAPITALISM GOOD ACTUALLY: REPLYING TO IDIOT ME FROM 6 MONTHS AGO." also all the top comments on all his recent videos have him and wilbur arguing until the reply limit (at which point it's usually "HA LAST REPLY DUMBASS I WON") and they have made like 5 debates together that tommy and tubbo commented "deffo flerting" on

also the meme edits have still not stopped.

{part 1}

[staywritten]

Roommates│Han Jisung (M)

Synopsis: Jisung is a selfish, rude and loud roommate but he’s also really cute and you can’t help but develop a crush or ignore the unspeakable tension.  Roommate!Au

Genre: A tiny bit of angst, Smut

Word Count: 3k

When you responded to an ad for a roommate online, you figured the worst thing that could happen to you was that you’d be killed by some stranger in your sleep. Especially because the ad was far too good to be true. The apartment was beautiful, an in-unit washing machine, walking distance to campus, and work, and its rent was a steal. Especially in Seoul. Unfortunately your roommate wasn’t some creepy serial killer who dwelled in a basement and rarely interacted with you. No, he was a young attractive inconsiderate asshole testing your patience.

Admittedly you were a bit flustered with you first met him. His gummy smile was your weakness, his cheeks so squishy it took everything in you not to poke them, and when he worked out around the apartment, wearing that cut off tank you loved so much, you couldn’t help but squeeze your thighs together to relieve the pressure.

And as smitten as you were with his appearance you wanted to fight him about 80% of the time.

From how he always took too long in the shower on days he knew you had class, how he always ate your food. Knowing damn well he wasn’t the one who bought it. How his dates would always use your shampoo the morning after, how his stupidly attractive friends were always over without warning. And the worst offense of them all. His damn music.

It was the middle of the night, you had stupidly agreed to cover your coworkers 8am shift on what was normally your day off and Jisung had his friends over. Again. You knew what you were getting yourself into when you agreed to live with a music major. But not just a music major, a music major that was an underground rapper, with lots of friends who frequented your apartment. 

Especially in the middle of the night after a show.

You tried to keep your outburst to a minimum. Sharing a space was about compromise. And you tried your damnedest to compromise. You bought noise-canceling headphones, you stuffed a towel under the bottom of your door to try and buffer the music, you tried having an asmr video of thunderstorms playing. You even attempted banging on the wall to get his attention to lower the volume.  Anything and everything to drown him out. But by 3am, you could not only hear the beats booming against the shared wall but the laughter of his friends.

“Oh my god. I can’t” you groaned, throwing the blanket off and storming over the whole five feet it took to get to his door. “Yah! Han Jisung!” you knocked on his door vigorously, to ensure he heard you. You knocking not letting up until he opened up.

He swung open the door, a scowl on his face at the interruption.

Originally you were planning on politely asking him to turn down the music. And that cordial thought went straight out the window the moment you saw him. It was like all you could see was red. Here you were frustrated in the middle of the night and he had the nerve to look that attractive. His snapback pushing back his hair, displaying his forehead. Honestly it made him look like a fuck boy and it was a weakness. “Do you ever sleep?! It’s 3am!”

His mood immediately went on the defensive when you started yelling. “I live here too, and the last time I checked I don’t have a bedtime!”

“You are such an asshole! Turn the music down!” you hated that your immediate response was to stomp your foot like a child. But he was being childish too!

“You can’t tell me what to do” he scoffed rolling his eyes. “If I wanna play music until 6am I can!”

“You are so inconsiderate!”

“Me? What about you!? You always act like I’m the problem. I don’t complain when you’re being a pig! I clean everything” he rolled his eyes “You’re not perfect I just don’t whine about it”

Your eyes widdened at the sudden attack “If my mess bothers you then just clean it up or tell me about it! Don’t try and throw it in my face in a conversation about something else!”

“You’re the one that came over here to pick a fight with me! I have guests and you barley even wear clothes! You’re the one being inconsiderate” He regretted the words the moment they left his mouth and he saw how immediately you looked uncomfortable. 

But there was no backing down now.

You immediately folded your arms over your chest, feeling far more exposed than you had realized. But it was the middle of the night. You were in your sleep clothes. Which tonight consisted of a pair of comfy short shorts, and a thin t-shirt. You were flustered and caught off guard with his attack. Suddenly you could feel the gaze of his friends, looking at you and you just felt so exposed.

He wanted to apologize the moment he saw your eyes glaze over. The frustrated embarrassed look becoming more noticeable. “I-”

“Do what you want” you mumbled before hurrying back to your room, slamming your door hard.

He groaned before slamming his door as well. He continues playing music throughout the night, even after his friends left. He knew he was doing it out of pettiness. But he hated that you came and yelled at him, and then he ended up feeling guilty.

It was always like that. 

It was like everything he did pissed you off and he couldn’t help that you were sensitive to everything. You nagged him all the time. And if he wanted to be nagged he could have continued living with his mother. You even managed to guilt him after his one night stands left. It was uncomfortable. Why should he have to live like this? He did his best to make sure you lived comfortably. He knew living with a guy could be kinda uncomfortable so he never hit on you, made sure his friends never made a pass at you and you always make it hard for him.

He knew you were attractive and everything you wore was gonna be sexy but you could try harder to be ugly. He didn’t want to fight with you but he opened the door and the first thing he noticed was just how stunning you looked in such a simple outfit, one that he never really saw. You usually wore hoodies, or a robe when you walked around the common areas. And just as quickly as he took in the exposed skin, you yelled at him. Your hair was messy, your clothes disheveled, the neck of your v-neck falling off your shoulder. You just looked so kissable-so fuckable. And he couldn’t, so he threw a tantrum.

He’d figure out how to make it up to you tomorrow, he knew it was your day off so he figured he’d make breakfast as an apology.

He rolled out of bed bright and early to get started on your favorite breakfast but frowned seeing you drinking coffee and eating some bread. You were already dressed and ready for the day. He noticed the dark circles under your eyes, you rolling your neck stiffly. He looked at his phone checking the time. “Why are you awake?”

You rolled your eyes, and downed your coffee. “I have to go to work” you placed your cup in the sink, making sure to wash it and put it away before grabbing your bag. “Sorry if my exposed legs offend you, I’ll be out of your hair soon.”

“Today’s your day off.” he ignored your little stab at him, he felt bad enough.

“I had to cover someone's shift.” you spat, shooting him a glare.

“Why didn’t you tell me last night...I would have-”

“You wouldn’t have care. I asked you to turn the music down…” you sighed heavily and walked over to the door, slipping your shoes on. “You never care.”

“Why didn’t you tell me...I would have never had the guys over if-” he jumped as you walked out slamming the door shut.

But that’s how things were between you two. 

There was an undeniable tension, but after a few days it’d slowly die down. He’d ask you what you wanted for breakfast and things went back to normal. He never apologized for being inconsiderate, you never apologized for throwing a temper tantrum. It may not have been the healthiest but it worked.

Being roommates was about compromise right?

It’d been about two weeks since your last argument with Jisung and for all intents and purposes things were going well. He’d been more mindful of having people over only on the weekends, and keeping the music to a minimum on days you had early shifts. And you had been more mindful to clean and stay in your room when he had his friends over.

You yawned walking out of your bedroom, padding over to get a glass of water. Jisung was cozy on the couch with a blanket, flipping through movies to watch. “You enjoy your nap? It’s like midnight”

You nodded and grinned, downing your water. “It was the best four hour nap I’ve ever had. And the best part is I’m off tomorrow so I can sleep in.” You cleaned your cup before walking to him. “What are you doing back so early? Didn’t you have a date?”

He sighed before rubbing his temples “I did.” his tone curt and short.

“That bad huh?” you sat beside him, hugging your legs to your chest. “Wanna talk about it?”

“I picked her up, we had dinner…” he hesitated looking back to you, trying to read your expression. “And…”

You smirked, raising your eyebrow. “Had sex?” you laughed “I’m a big girl Jisung. I know what sex is.”

“I know- we just never talk about it or dating in general and stuff...I didn’t know if that was weird…” he fiddled with his sweater uncomfortably. “Like you don’t bring guys back…”

“Jisung no offence but, I don’t bring guys back when you’re home. It’s kinda uncomfortable too, and I don’t like scaring guys off with the My roommates is a guy, talk on first dates.”

“Woah- wait you brought guys back here after the first date?”

“Sometimes” you grinned, eyeing him “Han Jisung… You seem so surprised” your tone light and teasing. “Is it so hard to imagine that even I have sex?”

“No it’s just… “

“I’ll have you know I’m actually quite charming.”

“Oh I know” he looked a little embarrassed at how quickly it slipped out. “Like I know you’re hot and charming and… I dunno I just feel a little in the dark...I didn’t even know you were dating and yet I-”

“Bring your dates back home all the time.” you gave him a smug smile “Trust me, I know” you pointed to the walls. “They’re thin, remember? Oh and your dates always use my shampoo and body wash”

“I’m sorry…. That’s kinda rude isn’t it?”

You shook your head “Live comfortably”

“But you don’t…”

“Jisung, I don’t bring guys home when you’re here because I don’t want you to have to hear us.” you cheeks warmed as you chewed on your lower lip. “I’m kinda loud, I’m a little self conscious.”

“I wanna hear…” he turned toward you, his voice barely above a whisper. Part of him was hoping you didn’t hear him over the Netflix trailers, the other part of him prayed you heard him so he couldn’t chicken out.

“Do you?” your eyes darkened as you stared at him, slowly moving closer to him. He took in a sharp breath before pulling you into his lap. You grinned, straddling him, your lips inching closer to his before pulling away. Just ghosting the slightest bit, loving how he chased you. “Tell me bout your date and I’ll do whatever you want”

“Isn’t that kinda weird?” he tried to read your expression, but his wary look turned into one of intrigued as your smile grew. “Wait… Could you hear us earlier…?” He felt himself getting turned on more, as he noticed how warm you were, how flushed you got thinking about it. “I thought you were asleep…’

“You guys woke me up” you licked your lips, your hips moving against his just slightly. He stifled a groan before steadying your hips.

“It turns you on doesn’t it...? Hearing us?” Seeing your coy smile, he grabbed your jaw before pulling you into a deep kiss. His lips moved quickly against yours, as he nipped and chewed on your bottom lip. “Mmm…” He pulled your hoodie over the top of your head and groaned seeing your bare chest. “No shirt or bra?” he traced your soft, smooth skin, running his fingers up your sides.

“I never wear a bra at home” he smirked against your skin, kissing down your neck.

“You never answered my other question…” his teeth grazed your skin, reaching your nipples “Mmm such a pretty color Baby…” he whispered, his eyes peeking up at you as he peppered kisses before taking the bud into his mouth, sucking softly. His free hand palming your other one, gently tweaking your nipples. He loved how it made your squirm. You hips, desperate for friction. Almost angered by how much both your sweatpants got in the way. “Do you get turned on when you hear me have sex…? Did you wish it was you? Do you touch yourself…?” he chuckled, kissing your nipples, his teeth tracing them. Your head rolled back as you whined bucking your hips more. “Pay attention baby...answer me.”

“I get turned turned on…” your pout deepened before you cupped his squishy cheeks. “I wished it was me...and I always touch myself…” you leaned down closer to his ear, your lips brushing against the shell of his. “And I always cum…”

He gripped your hips tighter, digging into your skin. “Fuck….I…” he gripped your bottom, moving you closer to his crotch. “How many times did I make you cum tonight…?” his voice dropping an octave as he teased you. His fingers found their way into your sweatpants, teasing you from the outside of your panties. “Mmm and since when do you wear sweatpants?”

“I thought you said I didn’t wear enough clothes”

“Yeah when my friends are over and I’m trying to not fantasize about fucking you over every surface” he chuckled, rubbing a bit harder feeling your panties moistened. “Answer me Sweet girl….How many times did you cum?”

“Nnnn...how do you know I’m sweet?” you shivered as his finger rubbed against your slit. “You’ve never tasted me” you moaned softly.

“Stop trying to distract me, if you’re a good girl and answer me and I will.”

“T-twice…”

“I’m gonna double that” he whispered before tossing you on your back on the couch, making quick work of your sweatpants and panties.

You grinned as he settled himself between your legs. His mouth covered your core, as his tongue made its way inside you. Your thigh hooked around his shoulder as he deepened his teasing. “A-Ahh Jisung… you’re no fair” you panted “You never told me about your date”

“You minx” he grinned, pulling back just slightly pushing his index finger inside of you, curling it and watching you squirm. “You heard us, you know exactly why my date went badly.”

You shivered, gripping the arm of the couch. “But I want you to say it.” you licked your lips. “Please...I wanna hear it-Ah!”

He teased, shoving another finger inside of you, pumping it in and out. “Did it make you cum when you heard me call out your name instead?” his voice low and husky.

You nodded, squirming more from his teasing. “You sounded so sexy when you moaned my name” you reached down pulling at his shirt, pulling it over the top of his head. “I know you didn’t get to finish” you grinned. “Should I be nice and let you finish in me?”

“Please…” You ran your hand down his toned chest, the efforts of his workouts paying off so beautifully. He pressed his mouth over your center again, relentlessly, teasing and fingering you until you were a moaning mess. Your fingers tangled in his hair as you pressed him into you, desperate to cum, you were so close. But more than his tongue, more than his fingers, the thing that brought you closer to the edge was his intense eye contact. It was both shy and dominating. He just never looked away and for the rare moments he did, the way his gaze flashed up at you made you feel so flustered. “J-Jisung” you moaned out, your stomach tightening as you shivered. He helped you ride out your high, his fingers relentlessly moving until you came against him.

“Such a pretty girl…” he licked the slick off his lips before meeting your lips again. “You were so good for me..”

“I can be better” you reached for the growing tent in his pants, rubbing him. “Let me..” you crawled closer to him, wanting to return the favor.

“No baby.. I don’t need it. Right now all I need is you.”

“But-”

“I’ve literally been thinking about you all night, I promise if you put your lips on me, I’m not gonna last.” he gave you a sheepish look, almost embarrassed from his confession. 

“Fine” you pouted pulling his sweatpants and boxers down his thighs.

“Don’t pout” he chuckled, kissing your jaw. “Next time Baby”

He was fully erect, pre-cum leaking from his swollen head. You smiled, wrapping your fingers around him and rubbing him firmly. “I need you…”

His head rolled back as he closed his eyes. The feeling of your fingers around him was like a dream. “Mmm Baby, I need to get a condom”

You shook your head and grinned, your grip tightening a little. “No~I want you now…” 

“You serious?”

“I wanna feel you Jisung~ Can’t I? Will you let me?” your voice so soft as you coaxed him into a deep kiss. Your tongue rolling against his “Please?”

“You beg for me so well..Fuck-yes Baby” you rubbed himself against your wet entrance, slowly pushing himself inside. There it was again, that beautiful eye contact, that little furrow in his brow when he concentrated, his soft lips pulling into a pout as he moved against you. Your arms wrapped around his neck, playing with the hair on the nape of his neck.

“It’s ok, you can go harder.” you encouraged him.

And that was all he needed before he began to pound into you more vigorously. His hands moving down your body, cupping your breast and rubbing against your side. Like he was just desperate to touch everywhere. His lips occasionally finding yours to tease. “C’mere…”

He pulled you onto his lap again, his back against the couch as he let you ride him. He hit deeper at the new angle, and you loved every second of it. You arched your back, gripping the couch as you moved your hips faster, in a circular motion to stimulate yourself. 

His lips sucking the soft skin of your neck, leaving a mark as you moved. His strong hands on your hips guiding you back and forth on him. “Faster baby” he whispered huskily. Your moans music to his ears, his, your desperate cries of his name, encouraging him more. “I’m almost there, are you close?”

“Not quite but don’t worry about me I-” you moaned out louder, feeling him tease and squeeze your clit. “Ah-Jisung!”

He kept rubbing your clit harder, desperate thrusting into you, his free hand moving your hips harder. “Cum for me Baby…” he whispered sweet nothings against your skin, taking your bottom lip between his teeth. 

He could feel you pick up the pace, your body shivering as your second climax inched closer. “That’s my girl…” he slammed into you, gripping so tight as he released, he kept moving until he felt you cum following not far behind him, just long enough before the over stimulation became too much to handle.

“Jisung” you whined, holding his shoulders to steady him, your face collapsing in his chest as you calmed yourself, and steadied your breathing. You could feel him start to soften inside you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move.

“Mmm… you’re right you are pretty loud, it’s so sexy” he chuckled running his hand up and down your back.

You pulled back to look at him and pecked his nose softly. “I’m really glad your date ended badly tonight”

“Hell, me too” he laughed “I’ve had a crush on your since you moved in, but kinda figured I shouldn’t try and hit on my roommate” he playfully spanked your behind for you to get up. He grabbed a towel from the bathroom and got you both cleaned off before he tugged back on his sweats, you only bothered to put on a new pair of panties and a t-shirt. He cleaned up your clothes to put near the laundry while shyly looking at you, like he was trying to find the courage to speak.

“What is it?” you leaned against your door frame, watching him fidget with everything in his path from the washing machine to your door.

“I-Um...Do you wanna go on a date tomorrow?” he asked shyly, standing in front of your door. “I know the order is kinda backwards but, I really am interested in you and I was kinda hoping this wasn’t just a one night thing. I mean-If it was that’s cool with me too, like no pressure but”

“You’re rambling” you grinned “I’d love to go out tomorrow.”

“Really?!” he smiled so brightly, his beautiful brown eyes disappearing in a crescent shape as that gorgeous gummy smile graced his face.

“Really” you giggled, subtly touching his hand. “You weren’t the only one with a crush Jisung”

“Can I kiss you goodnigh-” you interrupted his silly question, pressing your lips against his before pulling him into your bedroom.

End.

( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ  Hey Friends I hope you liked that one shot, it was my first smut for stray kids, i know it was kinda long. But it seemed silly to split it up into parts so I hope you didn’t mind >///< If you liked it let me know~

-D❍MI