#that’s not to say that there wouldn’t be ‘pure’ friendships or relationships—but experimenting and going from one to the other

[suth-sardian]

V-Day!

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

If you consume a certain type of online content about friendship (often in the form of “10 signs of a fake friend” and similar), you may almost get to the conclusion that anyone who is not your best friend is your enemy - or at the very least, that any friend who doesn’t know *everything* about you is entirely worthless to your life and you would be better off cutting them out.

That’s a pretty radical view of human relationships, and it would ultimately cost you a lot of joyful social interactions if you strictly adhered to it. 

Unless you barricade yourself in your room and never leave it (which would be pretty awful for your mental health), you will end up in situations where you have regular interactions with people who are not your best friend ever. The ability to be friendly to those people, to enjoy those connections, isn’t “fake” or “toxic”. It’s an important source of positive social interactions and a valuable tool to fight loneliness.

If you have a constant social circle, these may be the friends (or partners, family members etc) of your friends, those “I’m not directly friends with Rose but I’m friends with Lisa and Lisa is friends with Rose” situations. But even if you do not have a circle like that (because you don’t make friends easily, you have social anxiety etc.), there will most likely be some “casually friendly” people in your life, as these are often simply the people who happen to be at the same place at the same time as you: colleagues, classmates, neighbors, people at places you frequent (employees in stores, patients in group therapy etc.), or even just the guy who waits for the same bus as you do every Monday morning. 

These people wouldn’t be the first one you’d call if you need help with a potentially life changing decision. They don’t know all your deepest secrets, fears and desires, they may not even be able to name your favorite color (or hey, maybe not even your name), and they certainly won’t be able to list all your identity labels, political beliefs, medical diagnoses, traumatic experiences and sexual fantasies - but they don’t need to. 

It’s wonderful if you have a best friend (or another close relationship) who fulfills that role of being someone you’d trust blindly, someone who knows you inside and out. But not everyone you are friendly with needs to be that for you. There’s enough other roles. Acquaintances, work friends, casual friends, small-talk friends… those roles aren’t worthless. They won’t be the one you call at 3 am after a breakup, but they can inject a bit of joy in your everyday life. They can offer friendly interactions that come with no pressure to go beyond the surface (something that’s valuable in itself! It would be very exhausting if everyone already knew everything about you and every conversation had to be deep and philosophical). 

Plus, only knowing each other in one context has its advantages: your best friend may not know anything about the printer issue in your office but your office friend sure does! And if you met someone in a crime novel forum and all you ever talk about is crime novels, is that really negative? Isn’t it beautiful to know someone who shares your passion for that genre and is always happy to talk about it? 

Of course an office friend or a crime novel friend can also become a best friend over the years. There are plenty of people who meet in a specific context, bond in that context and gradually develop a relationship out of that context as well. But one-context friends still enrich your life. 

Even if that context is purely “we say hi when we see each other at the bus stop”, it’s a positive social interaction - and those will bring color and joy into both of your lives. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[petorahs]

because i will protect him.

Persona 3 FES/Portable/Movie/Reload: Closing Thoughts.

When I first experienced Persona 3’s story last year, it was at a time that I was beginning to figure out my life. It broke down my walls and seized me by the heart, but it cradled it lovingly as well. It reaffirmed all the personal philosophies I held at the time - in other words, my values.

Going into it I only had a vague idea on what to expect. I’ve only recently played Persona 5 Royal the same February before that, so I knew instead of its themes of ‘rebellion’ it would be themed around ‘death’. Instead of fallen ‘stars’ like in P5, P3 would be based around the ‘moon’ and all its phases. What also convinced me to play P3 so soon after just finishing P5 was its main character- Makoto Yuki. He was voiced by Akira Ishida in the japanese version which I immediately caught on to… I had to see it for myself since I was in an Ishida phase at the time (lmao). I expected to love him as far as liking silent protagonists/player avatars would go.

What I didn’t expect, however, was how deeply I latched onto the characters and main character in particular. I think it’s the way the friendships are a bit complicated and none of SEES really like eachother at first but learn to care and help despite that. It’s the way its messages are written in a clear thesis. I’ve written about them before, but it’s the way the only thing Death ever yearned for is life. That life and death can’t exist without the other. It has life palpable everywhere in the game. 

And Makoto Yuki. It’s the way that Makoto Yuki symbolizes the apathy one experiences in life but learns to find so many things worth living for anyway. I wouldn’t say I related to him because I’ve always enjoyed life while he was content to throw it away, so it’s another thing: Pure unbridled affection. To me, he’s someone I would devote myself to. To me, he reminds me of my little brother a lot. Shy, introverted, deadpan. To me, he’s every beautiful thing in this world. He’s like the moon, pretty and distant. Deep and emotional. He’s also like sakura blossoms. Transient. But still, so, so beautiful and precious. He represents a life worth protecting no matter what.

It’s in Aigis. Someone who echoes my sentiments with Makoto so perfectly - I didn’t understand anything about life and thought it was all about being “optimal” and that it can be replicated, replaced, redone. But I know now that it’s so precious; that life is so precious. I never found Aigis latching Makoto to be out of place or particularly fanservicey. To me, it’s like a natural progression of both of their character arcs. She didn’t have anyone in her life before. As someone who struggles making deep relationships out of my own nature/how I was built, I understood it. She delivers one of my most favorite lines in media ever, that “philosophy” I held so dear - "You don't have to save the world to find meaning in life... Sometimes all you need is something simple, like someone to take care of.”

And that’s literally it to me. There is no grand meaning behind it all. What matters to me is to hang out with my friends and family and be the kindest I can be to them. I want to be a light in their life, however small - kinda like how Makoto was to Aigis and all his other friends. I, too, would spend my whole life by his side just to follow in those footsteps. It’s pure and beautiful. An actual bond,

But then he dies. 

The thing about Persona 3 is that it never once romanticized death to me. Them shooting themselves in the head represents resolve, yes, but it’s always but gratuitous and framed in an unhinged way. Nyx Avatar, the final boss and actual symbol of Death in the game, has the face of a nightmare that made my heart drop when I first saw her. It knows that death is scary to everyone, so it represents that well. But it was clear what exactly it wanted to portray to its players: that despite death being scary, it’s not something to be feared. It can be peaceful, so long as you remember to live your life to the fullest. To quote my own post, “the meaning of life is hanging out with your friends on a mundane, sunny day during a graduation ceremony”. 

But that doesn’t stop the grief.

I can’t explain what it’s like to see my favorite character’s corpse rotting in real time. It’s actually horrifying. But the thing is - it wasn’t done without purpose. I accepted it, just like how I accepted everything about “The Answer” or, “Aigis’ Story” in JP. 

I quite literally put myself in the shoes of the one character who mirrored my own sentiments so clearly as she fought with the grief of losing the one person she swore to protect as he died in her lap. I was kinda crying the entire time. It’s so fucking real to me. The way that she reverted back to her “robotic state” but it was literally just her numbing herself to the pain. The way that Yukari had to escape by acting indifferent. The way that Junpei tries to act upbeat for everyone’s sake. Mitsuru’s quiet grief. Akihiko's respect. Ken and Koromaru's silent strength. But most of all, Aigis… and the way she’s so lost and confused. 

I lost so many family members in the recent years prior to playing P3. It’s never easy. Playing The Answer especially (and all of P3) put it all into perspective. I don’t know how, but all of these elements and plot beats in the game represented my feelings so perfectly.

Seeing its remake announced in June was actually serendipitous. I basically got to relive it quite recently. A year’s worth of nostalgia is still nostalgia. I loved a lot of the changes, and hated some others. 

But every time I experience Persona 3’s ending, I end up crying though. Unfailingly. And I’ve experienced it many times by now. Every time I think I’ve “gotten over it” I literally do not. Prior to P3 the only media that started making me cry was The Good Place’s ending. 

I think Reload’s was the worst. What they did with player proxy death in this one felt way more insanely real I think. Or Maybe it’s the sea. How Ryoji says in FeMC’s route and in Reload to Makoto how “the water is going on a journey, too. It must be having fun”, “The waters all converge to its source, like us.” Maybe it’s how the sea and moon are so intimately connected. Just like how life and death are. Maybe it’s the way that even nihilism represented by Strega isn’t actually wrong as framed by Reload, it’s just not the message this time around in this game. Or maybe it’s hearing the voices of everyone (social links) who loved him and was touched positively by him also echoing my thoughts. Maybe it’s the way that the ending felt way more personal when you choose to not romance any of SEES, especially Aigis. That platonic love goes beyond any of that and makes every act of devotion and speech about bonds feel actually real (despite how cheesy it seems!). 

All I can think about after playing it every time is that I will love the people in my life so, so hard from now on. So much that they wonder why. For a game about death, it sure does make me live my life more fully. 

It’s just… real. This game and all its themes was perfectly concocted. The moon, the sea, spring, rebirth, and the sakura blossoms. And you. It’s all so precious and beautiful. I want to remember and protect it, always. I want to live for it all.

[piedpiperslists]

JJK: Boss / CEO AU

List of all Jungkook fics under 'Boss / CEO' AU:

* ² - two shots s - contains smut

* Last updated: 11/02/2024

D R A B B L E S

Dominion by junghelioseok s boss au, PWP Summary: Mondays are your favorite for a reason.

January Rain by joheunsaram CEO!Jungkook, secretary!reader

Knight in Distress by jimilter CEO!Jungkook, enemies to lovers, chaebol au Summary: You hate him so much. And you also hate God for gifting him with such a delectable body when he literally has a peanut for a brain. Life is so unfair.

O N E S H O T S

Desperate Housewife by kimnjss s wc~5.5k / housewife!reader, established relationship Summary: Bored with your husband gone all the time, you decide to take up a new hobby… Jungkook can only seem to focus on one thing when it comes to your new pastime.

Fifth Wish by jiminrings wc~18k / rich kid!Jungkook, bodyguard!reader, fake dating Summary: Jeon Jungkook, world-class socialite and nepotism baby, should be out every night to celebrate while he’s at his prime. Why should he fake-date his bodyguard instead? Alternatively, Jungkook regularly throws coins to wishing wells with only one desire in mind — to get rid of you.

Lush by hamsterclaw s wc~7k / CEO!Jungkook, one night stand au Summary: Jungkook's built his empire from nothing, and he's damn well going to sit back and enjoy the spoils.

Midas by gukyi wc~32k / CEO!Jungkook, enemies to lovers, magical realism au Summary: Jeon Jungkook was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and the power to turn whatever he wants into pure gold. You were born with healing and invisibility powers but without a cent to your name. So when you’re plucked off of the streets for pickpocketing and assigned to be his minder as punishment, you realize you’re going to have to overcome a lot more than class differences if either of you are going to get what you want.

Mugs & Kisses by minisugakoobies wc~6k / CEO!reader, strangers to lovers, barista au Summary: Jungkook has something he'd like to tell you, but he can't find the words. So he's thought of another way.

Officially Yours by personasintro s wc~4k / CEO!Jungkook, arranged marriage Summary: You're his and he is yours on the paper – but what is the reality?

Overtime by cupofteaguk s wc~12k / boss!Jungkook Summary: An awkward first encounter with your new boss gives Jeon Jungkook all the more reason to make your job an interesting experience.

Second Chances by parkhabits s wc~14.4k / CEO!Jungkook, exes to lovers, divorce au Summary: Work. One of the most important things to him. It kept him company at night, it was all he thought about, all he put his attention to. His work had become the mistress within your marriage. Years after you left him you’re back with only one goal in mind. Get him to sign the damn divorce papers. Yet you should’ve known that your husband wouldn’t let you go that easily.

* Sugar Honey Iced Tea by bangtaninink s wc~3.6k / ft MYG, CEO!Jungkook, sugar daddy au Summary: It’s been a stressful week, and the two CEOs of BTS Enterprises are in need of some rest and relaxation. But you haven’t been answering their calls, and they’re not very happy.

Sweeter than Sugar by jungkxook s wc~22.2k / CEO!Jungkook, sugar daddy au Summary: When infamous playboy Jeon Jungkook comes to you with a proposition that you know you should say no to, you can’t. Because all you really know is that being spoiled has never felt so sweet before.

The Millionaire and His Lover by gukyi s wc~18k / CEO!Jungkook, friends to lovers, fake dating Summary: Over the course of your lifelong friendship with Jungkook, you can’t say that you’ve ever had the greatest ideas, and a fake relationship with the boy you’ve been in love with for years is no exception.

What Money Can Buy by jeonstudios wc~17.8k / sugar baby!Jungkook, CEO!reader, strangers to lovers Summary: In need of money, Jeongguk signs up as a sugar baby, assuming he’ll be paid for sex by some old kinky woman. He never expected to meet someone like you. What were you doing on that site, and why would you have to pay for company?

Yes, Sir by peekaboongi s wc~2.2k / boss au, PWP Summary: You wear a particularly tight skirt to the office one day and your boss is having none of it.

T W O S H O T S / S E R I E S

Fight for You by ahundredtimesover s bodyguard!Jungkook, heiress!reader Summary: Working at a private security agency has its perks. The downside? Being the personal bodyguard of spoiled, rich heiresses like you. But there are things that Jungkook didn’t expect, like rejecting you, falling for you, and realizing what he’d been missing all along.

Glitter and Disquiet ² by joheunsaram s CEO!Jungkook, YouTuber!reader, enemies to lovers, chaebol au Summary: Poised to inherit Korea’s largest gaming company in a few months, the world looks at Jeon Jungkook as a symbol of envy. Why wouldn’t they? He has everything, riches, power, and according to the rumour mill, endless women. Little do they know that his father’s company is on the verge of downfall, he barely has respect of his employees, and regardless of the rumours, he’s just a virgin saving himself for true love.

Over the Odds by jungk0oksthighs s CEO!Jungkook, sugar daddy au

re: untitled [pt2] [pt3] [pt4] by to-star-lake s CEO!Jungkook, arranged marriage

Woman on Top by heartbeatan s actor!Jungkook, CEO!reader, older!reader, producer!reader, FWB

[wafflesetc]

With a few days‘ distance, it all still doesn’t make sense. What now?

Are Hailey and Jay never going to speak to each other again? Is she now doomed to wait for something to happen?

Will she ever get an explanation for his behavior?

Or is she gonna fly to Bolivia and hand Jay the divorce papers in person?

Everything about this story arc seems so ill-considered that I can’t believe this is coming from people who do this for a living.

I think that now that it’s been a few days, the initial anger has dissipated a bit for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am still angry and upset. But I think the bigger question - for me at least - is just rooted in a sense of pure confusion. Like, this just genuinely doesn’t make any sense to me. It is all rooted in confusion for me because you ask very real questions - questions that honestly, could have very easy answers if they cared to explain it more. And I will also go as far as to say that this entire situation could be handled SO differently and it could still be a painful, hard, experience for Hailey to go through - something that they could drag out for the season like they are. Even if they were communicating and he knew a date when he was coming home by, it still wouldn’t change her day to day life. There would be a little light at the end of the tunnel for her, but we’d still see her go through all the motions and emotionally struggle. It truly doesn’t need to be like this.

I don’t know what they think they’re doing, I don’t know if they have some grandiose plan or not. I would like to say they know what they are doing that eventually all of this might make sense, but with the track record they are currently giving us, I just don’t have any confidence in saying that. I do think that there is more to all of this, that eventually we are going to know more… But I can’t say if we will like the outcome or not. I do not currently agree with the trajectory of where Gwen & Co are currently taking not only Upstead/Jay/Hailey, but I don’t really like the trajectory of the show as a whole right now. I do love the growth they’ve given Kevin, Adam, and Kim on individual levels, but where’s the team unit in all of this? Why aren’t we getting more Dante engaging with team dynamics? It’s just… They seem a little lost.

I do believe that it isn’t over until divorce papers are signed or there is a death. I know that’s harsh but it’s just where I’m at with all of this.

I don’t doubt them, I don’t doubt their partnership, friendship, or relationship. It was and is a beautiful love story and they are made for each other. I just hope the writers don’t forget who they are to each other. I sound so redundant in all these answers, but I just genuinely don’t know where they are going.

[incognito-diary]

It took a couple months for the lust to sink in and make itself known. I have been extremely vigilant about not sexualizing this person I am so close to, and to be honest until now the moments I want to indulge in were not overly sexual as they were physically intimate. It’s hard doing male puberty (which turns you into an absolute monster as far as horny goes) and being stuck in this. I’ve always been rather dark and hardcore in the fantasy I indulge in to get off, but for the past while it’s been soft and romantic thoughts and that is concerning to me.

Today the two finally crossed over each other to a much more grounded fantasy of imagining him toying with me and taking pleasure in my frustration (affectionate)- a dynamic that already permeates the rest of our friendship. It would be so easy. I do not know the nitty gritty of what all turns him on or off but I know enough stray pieces of information from over the years (information volunteered from long before my discovery of these feelings) to get a sense of the idea at least. From what I know it seems like we are puzzle pieces- especially at this stage of my transition. Especially knowing that to him a pretty face is all he needs. I think I have that, but I don’t know if it’s to his taste or if he has even really entertained whether or not I am good looking to him. Why would he? He is engaged.

There’s kinda always been stray thoughts, as a person who is purely sub being close to and trusting a person who is only dom. Oh, I wonder what that would be like, I wish I could find someone who didn’t require a switch and this is the only one I really know. Not actual fantasy but passing anxiety about not being able to find someone for me- someone like him.

It is especially weird as this experience more and more makes me understand exactly how demi I am. I have never actively wanted to see someone naked before this. I have never understood the male urge to desire nudes. The thought of indulging in another person’s body has been intimidating at best and uninteresting entirely at its usual- including 99% of the time I’ve been intimate with someone I’m dating. That’s not to say I haven’t ever enjoyed the sex, or enjoyed intimacy, but that enjoyment has almost always been detached from their bodies and more about the physical sensation I am feeling from the intercourse and the enjoyment of my body being an object of pleasure for someone else. But I do have thoughts and desires about specifically his body. I have a drive to explore someone else for what feels like the first time in my life, though perhaps I am feeling the effects of not having a partner in going on four years now.

I do not know how to process this. I do not know the ethics. I do not know what he is and is not okay with and I do not feel like I am in a position to ask without giving the whole game away. Unfortunately I am in a horrible position where I cannot tell him.

Honestly what I want more than anything is to say “This is how I feel. Please tell me you don’t feel the same so I can process all of this and move on.”

On the one hand, I don’t personally take any offense or discomfort in the idea that my friends or even my close friends would use me as spank bank material. Frankly, I would be flattered and I do enjoy being desired. I know also that him and his fiancé both trade nudes and messages outside of their relationships and compare notes. I don’t have any reason to believe that him and I wouldn’t have the same thoughts about a friend finding us sexually desirable.

On the other hand, this is not a passing interest. I wouldn’t call it an obsession at all. Most times I can click into my usual mode with my usual porn and work on my little horny narratives squarely outside of reality, but every once in a while my mood becomes squarely: I want -you-. I don’t know if indulging in those thoughts is inherently disrespectful, regardless of how broad and uncomprehensive they are. It’s always either snapshots of a hand on my skin, the idea of an embrace, or tonight simply imagining my hands are his and feeling whole and satisfied with just the beginnings of intimate touch and teasing. Wondering what he looks like and wanting very much to know. Are these things bad? Is doing anything except immediately shutting it down going to escalate things? Could entertaining the thoughts allow this to quicken this attraction to run its course and lose its luster?

I think I am a fool for believing that I have any agency in this situation at all no matter what I do.

[krystlind]

just got back from symphony with John. what a peculiar friendship/relationship, how peculiar am I! for a lot of the symphony, I found myself in the following thoughts

IG: I need to be posting about Cannes, videos about Cannes, year review, content planning

the usual: why can’t I seem to get a natural posting ability and rhythm down? no you can try this method (the live). oh here you go thinking about it all again.

I wonder why I feel locked up sexually? will I always be like this? can I even imagine myself in a state where I am sexually free and empowered? 

I remember when I was a little girl, in the room, playing by myself, and being really in my sexual element, mom came in, I felt ashamed or that I had to hide, like I was doing something wrong... but I don’t think I was. because I was pure. I was pure, untainted love then. so I know that I can get back to that.

Is what I’m doing with John wrong? what makes things like this wrong where no one’s getting hurt?

Can’t you just listen to the beautiful music?

And i just drop into the present

Wow I’m so good with my awareness and snapping back into my presence

John is really sweet. I know I don’t like/like him.. but I’m fond of him. what do I even like about this again? the fine experiences, oh that’s right. nothing wrong with this.

I just want so bad to reflect on this whole year. it’s been so filled. so I know the thoughts about this is coming from that place: of wanting to do it justice. and just tell the story about it. so much growth. all that has happened. all I’ve done.

There is nothing wrong or self-centered about me wanting to package up my experiences from this year.

I think I would just like to start from a place of: if this was just for me. if I was just on my own private personal page, what would I put out, celebrate, how would I write about it? I wouldn’t get all campaign-y.

if you could just say what you wanted to, not what you should, what would it be? can you tap into that?

let’s not should this post. what do you feel like saying? tap into that part of yourself. don’t suppress the fact that you want to piece this. 

what would you like to say: this year has had so much growth. i came into a city i never thought i would come back to. and rebuilt my life again. but i wasn’t ready to enjoy it. i feel like I kept running places to be something.

here are few lessons i’ve learned this year

all the things we did: xyz

man, it’s all over in my head. but I know that I have things worth writing about. worth sharing. it is so worth sharing. I have to believe it. and I know I will.

I will share because God has blessed me with so much.

not what I should, but what I am excited to. 

God, how would you like me to share this? where should I start?

Guide me God. I need Wisdom. 

Gratitude.

[harlowcomehome]

Can you write something based on Cross your mind by Sabrina Claudio?

“Cross your mind.”

A/N: I never write smut and I don’t plan on it. Truthfully, I don’t even think this is classified as that but its implied…? This is really out of my comfort zone so please be nice.

Song lyrics are in red.

You and Jack hooked up months ago, and you hadn’t seen him since. You didn’t think anything of it, you knew that he was busy and that the hook up was purely casual. Your mutual friends definitely didn’t stop your mind from wandering though, they felt the need to keep you updated on all things Jack.

You lived a pretty normal life, you were a bartender at a bar in Louisville. Jack and his team would usually come through and because you knew Urban from high school it wasn’t abnormal for you to be around all of them for extended periods of time. Sometimes Jack would bring girls in with the group and sometimes he wouldn’t but it was never the same face twice. You never thought anything of it though, you assumed this was just a normal thing for a celebrity of his status.

He still paid you a great deal of attention no matter who was around, you’d never admit it out loud but you enjoyed knowing you still had his attention even with other women around.

The night you and Jack hooked up actually wasn’t shocking to anyone. Urban and all of Jacks friends had been trying to make it happen for months on end. Watching the two of you leave together felt like a victory for the entire friend group. There was no denying that the two of you had good chemistry, he kept you laughing and you both sat and talked for long periods of time while everyone else got drunk, but you never took him seriously. You convinced yourself that you shouldn’t.

He had been asking you to come see his place in Louisville every time he came in and you finally took the bait. He was about to leave on tour and selfishly you wanted to spend more time with him, so you agreed to go see his apartment. You had no intention of hooking up with him, but if it happened you definitely wouldn’t complain.

You remember the excitement on his face when you finally agreed, his eyes lit up and he smiled so hard that his dimple came out, you were always attracted to him but you didn’t want to make things weird since you did see him so often. You also knew his patterns, never the same girl twice.

You remember entering his apartment and being genuinely surprised by the details, in your experience most men couldn’t decorate to save their lives, you assumed one of his casual flings must have helped him with decor and laughed to yourself. He noticed you admiring the art work on the walls and smirked “like what you see?”

You nodded as you walked around his living room eyeing all his random art pieces “you have good taste Harlow.”

“You’re here aren’t you?” He stopped, taking you in, he eyed you from bottom to top, making it obvious causing you to feel you face heat up and a lump in your throat that was hard to swallow.

You made your way into his bedroom eventually, from that point on things were fuzzy.

You remember admiring his body as he undressed, your mind not even able to believe what you were about to do. The rest of the night was a blur, but in a good way. You were grateful to not remember every detail, you didn’t think you’d be able to handle it in the long run.

After that night you and Jack only stayed in touch occasionally, you knew he was on tour for the next few months so you didn’t think much of it. You sent him occasionally good luck messages, in which he always responded to within seconds and that was pretty much the extent of your relationship. Occasional conversation to maintain the friendship, so the bare minimum at that and you were strangely okay with that.

When he showed up to the bar all smiles surrounded by girls you didn’t know, you were shocked to say the least. You would’ve liked the heads up that he was back in town, but you knew you weren’t entitled to one. You knew you shouldn’t even care if he was there or not. You just found the entire thing to be odd, and for some reason it really bothered you.

I’m a mess, I admit it. I’m addicted to anything thats not good for me.

His team was initially no where to be found which you thought was abnormal, he never went anywhere alone, or at least without Urban. You wondered if he was being strategic, you shook that thought out of your head. Why would he care to make you upset? It wasn’t that deep, at least you knew it wasn’t for him.

You looked up as one of the girls was straddling him, kissing all over his neck. She ran a hand through his hair roughly, you couldn’t help but laugh to yourself. You weren’t surprised by her bravery, you worked in a hole in the wall bar, it was usually empty if Jack wasn’t there and if anyone else was there it was older men who had no idea who he was or cared.

And I’m spending my time thinking, “who the hell is she in your arms smilin?”

You felt the jealousy bubble up inside you though, which wasn’t anything you expected to feel. You had casual hookups before, hell you had some after Jack and you never cared so why now? What made him special? You didn’t care about his status or money, you didn’t view him the way so many others did so it wasn’t that, you were just irritated. Why hadn’t he acknowledged you? You clearly weren’t strangers.

You avoided his gaze the best you could, you knew he wasn’t going to drink anyway. It wasn’t that he really needed your attention then, I mean you were the bartender.

You tried to avoid his gaze all night, he wouldn’t get up and speak to you but he would stare in your direction. It bothered you how nonchalant he was being. You felt like he wanted you to see him, but maybe you were just being paranoid. Was he laughing louder or was that your imagination, did he want your attention? Did he want you to see him? Were you just overthinking?

I know you’re afraid of what you want but I’ve been curious, do I ever cross your mind?

You’d by lying to yourself if you said you didnt think of Jack over the last couple months. You thought about him a lot actually, you were hoping he’d reach out to you next time he was in town so seeing him did feel like a slap in the face. You tried not to think too deep about it and after about an hour some familiar faces showed up to join him, for that you were grateful.

Urban walked over to the bar and greeted you with his usual big hug, making you laugh a little. “Hey Y/N, how are you?” You just shrugged “staying busy.” Urban followed your eyes and looked over at his section and immediately saw the girl all over Jack. His face was confused, it was as if he had no idea who she was which a part of you was relieved for.

When you’re kissing her, touching her, staring in her eyes, tell me do I ever, do I ever cross your mind? When you run your hands through her hair like you did mine, tell me, do I ever cross your mind?

Before Urban could say anything to you, you interrupted him and told him you had to get back to work. He knew that was a lie, there were tons of times before that you had spent hours just talking with everyone. He knew instantly something was bothering you, and he had a feeling he knew what it was.

He walked back over to their section and sat next to Jack, whispering something to him as you walked out the back entrance.

You had already asked your boss if you could dip out early, it wasn’t usually like you to leave early so your boss was quick to agree. You grabbed your purse and tried to leave discreetly, you were embarrassed that Jack had ignored you pretty much all night and just wanted to go home.

You walked over to your car to unlock it when you saw Jack exiting the back entrance you just came out of. You tried to hurriedly get in your car but it was too late, he already saw you. “Y/N” he hollered as he ran toward you “wait!”

You wanted to jump in your car and speed off, but you knew just how dramatic that would be, so you stood and waited for him to come to you.

“You were just going to leave without saying goodbye?” He smiled at you, and you wish he wouldn’t have. Flashes of that night swirled your brain the second you saw his dimple.

“Its not like you were exactly eager to say hello to me” you shrugged “you seemed a little… preoccupied.” You didn’t intend to come off so strong when he initially approached you but you were hurt.

Jack blushed, taking a step back he eyed you up and down with a smirk.

“What do you want Harlow? I have somewhere to be” you lied.

“Is someone jealous?” He smirked and you could’ve evaporated into thin air right there.

“I have nothing to be jealous over” you sharply responded, opening your car door to throw your purse inside.

“It’s a shame, if you were jealous I was going to say we could just go home together” he smirked, walking over to your side of the car.

You breathed him in, intimidated by his tall frame hovering over you, “I think you have someone else to go home with tonight, don’t you?”

He took a step toward you “I don’t know, do I?”

You paused for a moment, looking up at him and studying his features, you wanted to give in but he did just ignore you all night.

Would you give in anyway?

[thescarletwitchsapprentice]

A Pure Soul (Yandere!Wanda Maximoff x ADD!Autistic!reader)

Summary: Two weeks or so after Wanda arrives at the Avengers’ Place, (y/n) shows up. An autistic Avenger who’s extremely honest and who doesn’t really seem to mind just being by themself, but also is kind and even affectionate to others. Wanda’s smitten by this and does the unthinkable.

Request?: Nope. I’m literally just throwing this out of the back of my head. From the Yandere Starter Prompts list by @yandere-mccree

Prompt: 5. “This world doesn’t deserve an angel like you.”

Warnings: (AOU Spoilers, CACW spoilers, IW spoilers, Endgame spoilers, torture sorta, sleep paralysis mention, ableism, slight manipulation?, kidnapping, mind-breaking mention)

Note: I wanted to try a bit more of a subtle Yandere vibe for Wanda. I’ve never really written one of these, so it might not be as great as I hoped. I don’t encourage or condone the unhealthy aspects.

Word Count: 3,268

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It’s only been a couple of weeks or so after she’d been taken from Sokovia after it was destroyed. Wanda’s still mourning the loss of her brother when you arrive. You're a shy person, not a fan of eye contact, but you do like touch, hugs in particular, as well as head pets.

Wanda doesn’t pay attention to you much at first. You’re just another Avenger to her; a nice change of pace, but that’s all. But then comes Lagos. Wanda now has guilt along with so much trauma. It’s no surprise when you hear her crying in her room one day, the door somehow left open a crack.

“I’m a terrible person,” she says softly, thinking no one heard.

You peek in and catch her with a pillow to her face, weeping. Your heart breaks. You know it’s on her, but she clearly feels terrible. You stand in the doorway until she soon notices you.

“Oh....(y/n),” she says as casually as she can. “Hey.”

“You’re not a terrible person,” you tell her.

She’s shocked to hear this.

“You’re not afraid of me?”

You shake your head.

“Why would I be?”

“I’m too destructive,” she says, sniffling. “You saw what happened in Lagos.”

You enter your room and sit on her bed with her. 

“But you’re also very kind,” you point out. “And you’re a good person. You clearly care when you hurt others, and you want to rectify your mistakes. A bad person wouldn’t do that.”

In that moment, you can sense her need for some physical contact. You lean over and give her a hug, rubbing her back.

“I’m glad you’re here, Wanda,” you tell her.

And you are. You truly are. Even if you don’t know her well, you’ve heard her talk a few times, and she’s a breath of fresh air. Most of the Avengers tend to be a bit loud and sometimes a bit insensitive, but not Wanda. Wanda’s extremely sensitive to others’ feelings and tends to be a quiet person. It’s something you need. Her accent is also soothing to you for some reason, not to mention she’s beautiful.

You let her cry on your shoulder for a few hours, even humming to her a bit. Then it’s dinnertime and you’re called to the kitchen. That’s when something in Wanda changes. You, an Avenger who barely knows her, aren’t afraid of her; in fact, you’re glad that she’s here. She also doesn’t know you all that well, but she’s seen some acts of kindness you’ve done for her and the other Avengers, even when you thought no one was watching. And she heard your thoughts when you were hugging her, all wonderful things about her, how you wish she could see how amazing she is, how beautiful she is.

At that moment, her heart melts. How can someone with such a sweet and pure soul like you exist? How could someone so....perfect exist? It’s a ray of sunshine in her heart, making her forget about the guilt and trauma, even if only for a few moments. Your presence is exactly what she needs. And she needs more of it.....

===================================

At first it starts off simple and small; making an effort to see you more often, running into you in the compound, smiling at you, making conversation. And honestly, there’s something about Wanda you can’t quite shake off. She does make your heart flutter; sometimes you get shy around her or even blush. It’s adorable and it’s something that only makes her more fond of you. 

She discovers you’re autistic when the lights of the compound are too bright one time. The second she notices how anxious you are after Tony turns on the lights before getting his coffee in the other room, she immediately turns them down for you, and she’s the first person you tell. 

“I’m touched that you trust me enough to confess this,” she tells you with a few tears in your eyes.

Wanda asks you what other things you like or dislike, things that give you sensory overload and things that help you calm down. She asks you about your experiences as an autistic person. You’re touched by how considerate she is, and even confess to her about your ADD, or Inattentive ADHD, as they call it now. She also asks about that, but does her best to take it a little at a time so that you’re not overwhelmed with questions.

What you don’t know is that she already knows all of this, having telepathy and all; she wants to hear it from you so that it doesn’t come off as creepy. She also loves to hear your voice. It’s like music to her ears, music that eases her stresses and trauma, even if only temporarily.

Then she starts to make some more effort, actively implementing what she knows and paying attention to things you say and do, so that she knows what she can do or say without it being suspicious. Wanda wants the relationship to move as naturally as possible. You’re her precious angel, and she doesn’t want to scare you. And she won’t unless it’s inevitable or of absolute necessity. 

Wanda buys a bunch of fidgets and other sensory things for you to try, keeping in mind what you’ve told her. But also throwing in some “close guesses,” meaning things she knows but that you haven’t told her, things close to what you’ve told her. She can easily pass it off as just “having a hunch,” as long as it doesn’t happen too often. 

Though she wants it to be as natural as possible, she occasionally uses her powers on you; nothing too severe at first. Just sending little suggestions to your mind; she’s told you a few of her favorite things, so she’ll base those suggestions off of that. One of the first suggestions is why not ask her how to make paprikash? She suggests that the two of you make it together and you agree. You’re not big on spice, but there’s some sweet paprika as a substitute. And it’s not as spicy as you think, but it’s delicious.

Sometimes Wanda sends a suggestion to get you going on a rant on one of your Special Interests; it’s both a chance for her to “get to know you more,” but mostly because she adores hearing you speak about what you love; she especially loves seeing that twinkle in your eyes and she loves seeing your face light up. It’s one of the most precious things to her, seeing you so happy. She wants to cherish every single second of it. 

Though you’re nervous about it, suggestions of humming or singing to her pop into your mind. You give into them fairly often, mostly later on in the relationship. She tells you about how beautiful your voice really is, which gets you shy and blushing. It’s so endearing to her, seeing her sweet little sunbeam being so cute without even trying.

When you come back from a battle, Wanda checks to make sure you’re okay as soon as possible. She volunteers to patch you up to the best of her ability, and she soon becomes the person you first think of when you need first aid or care after a battle.

Then Wanda decides to take it a little further; her room in the compound is next to yours. She stands outside of your door, waiting for you to go to sleep, before opening the door a tad and sending in sweet dreams. If there’s one thing she despises, it’s seeing her sweet little angel upset, and this assures that it won’t happen. 

Next she sends little dreams with her in it; first only small appearances, but then she becomes apparent little by little until she ends up being the focus of many of them. Of course she’ll throw in miscellaneous dreams here and there, just to make sure you don’t get suspicious.

Then comes Wanda’s biggest suggestion to you; you two have gotten so close over the past few months, why not ask her to be your girlfriend? It only makes sense. You still feel those butterflies in your stomach, you two both have amazing chemistry, and you both are very close. At this point, you don’t question it. You’re just nervous to ask, as you’ve never been in a relationship before. Of course the nervousness is also slightly part of the suggestion, more on a subconscious level. It’s not enough to make you panic; just enough to make you shy when asking her. And of course, you are. You end up stammering a little, blushing a bit. She fondly assures you that it’s okay to feel this nervousness, and happily accepts being your girlfriend. 

===============================

Now that you two are a couple, her next suggestion for you is to give into those affectionate feelings you have when cuddling with her. She loves the warmth you bring. Wanda didn’t think you could get any cuter, and yet she’s a full-on puddle when you cuddle with her. You’re just so sweet and Wanda can’t help but feel protective over you.

Others begin to notice you opening up more and they start making conversation with you. Of course Wanda’s listening to their thoughts to make sure they’re not interested in going further than a friendship with you. Friends are okay for her, and she’s very excited inside when you make a new friend, as she knows that making friends doesn’t exactly come naturally to you. However if it ever gets to anything past that, she’d have to take action. One does express interest in you, and that doesn’t sit well with Wanda. This person doesn’t deserve such a sweet angel, let alone her sweet little angel. Something must be done. 

That night, after sending you sweet dreams, she sneaks over to their place and hides just outside of their bedroom door. She’s able to track their brain activity, so she knows when they’ve gone to sleep. Once they do, she sends them their worst nightmares, ones that paralyze them in their sleep out of fear. The next day, you don’t see them at their usual time. You figure maybe they’re sick or they overslept. In the meantime, she’s there to keep you company. It happens on and off with them for some odd reason.

If it’s one of the Avengers taking an interest in you, Wanda ensures that the two of you don’t get too close. If you go on a mission and need a partner, Wanda steps up. It’s not really a surprise to them, with her being your girlfriend and all. She glares at the Avenger who’s showing interest, letting them know to stay back. 

=========================================

And then shit hits the fan.

You come back to the compound in tears one night and Wanda’s the first one at your side.

“(Y/N), what happened?” she asks worried.

You tell her about how you ran into someone who said that autism is a disease that needs to be cured and that you shouldn’t exist because you’re a burden on society. Wanda doesn’t leave your side that night. You need someone there for you. Externally she’s supportive and loving. But internally, she’s both heartbroken and fuming as she looks through the memory. A fire storms inside of her. How dare they tell such a sweet and pure soul like you that they’re a burden! How dare they say her sweet angel has a disease that needs to be cured! Wanda knows that autism has its challenges, but also its upsides. It’s not anything that needs a cure. It’s a part of your identity. She will NOT let this slide. Not even a little. 

After cuddling with you, and sending extra-special sweet dreams that night, Wanda finds the place of the person who told you this. Wanda sneaks into their bedroom and induces their worst nightmares, along with a dose of sleep paralysis. She uses her telekinesis to throw objects around the room and even at them. She uses her power to make them choke. Her grief and anger only amplifies the severity. It’s satisfying to her to hear them scream, plead, beg for mercy, to see them so helpless, knowing what they said to her precious angel. She keeps doing this to them until they’re completely broken, even going back multiple nights, just to make sure they’re gone for good. 

You don’t hear from them until you find out that they’ve become completely catatonic. Part of you still feels bad for them for some reason, but you don’t know why.

“You have nothing to feel bad about, (Y/N),” Wanda assures you when you bring this up with her. “Their guilt probably just got the best of them. C’mon, how about we get some lunch together?”

Wanda’s got your back and more for the next few days. And then Tony locks her in her room, and you’re infuriated. He just sees her as a weapon and not a person. In spite of their attempts to convince you to come along on missions, you decide to stay back and keep Wanda company, to make her confinement more bearable. 

The two of you both fight Tony together, end up in the Raft, and escape together, living away from the compound. Then comes the war. You’re the one dusted and Wanda survives. Those five years without you are hell to her. She spirals back into grief, guilt, and trauma, blaming herself for not being able to save you. Thank God for Bruce Banner. In 2023, he brings you back. The second Wanda finds this out, she rushes for you, her eyes filled with tears, and you’re just as relieved to see her. Your warmth sparks a sense of purpose back into her. After you died and were brought back to life, to her you’re truly an angel now, and she refuses to let an angel be harmed. She’s reluctant to let you fight, but she tells you as long as you stay by her, it should be fine.

Tony sacrifices himself to save you all from Thanos. The second the funeral is over, you decide to take a nap. Wanda gently grabs you and takes you to a remote location; a cottage in the middle of the woods on an island. Those five years without you and then suddenly having you back sent her protective instincts into overdrive. She decides that she can’t let anyone or anything hurt you anymore. She’s lost her parents and her brother. She can’t lose you. She won’t lose you.

When you come to, you’re shocked about where you are. 

“H-huh?”

Sitting up you begin to panic when you hear a familiar voice.

“Good! You’re awake.”

The smell of paprika hits your nose as you see her face, a sweet smile upon it. 

“W-wanda?” 

She brings over a plate of chicken paprikash. 

“What do you think, (y/n)?” she asks.

“Of what?”

She gives a little giggle.

“Of our new home, of course.”

Your heart jumps in your chest.

“New home?”

Wanda sets down the food on a nearby table, and sits next to you on the bed you’ve been placed in. 

“(Y/N), I.....those past five years....”

“Must’ve been horrific,” you say, still in shock.

She nods. 

“And I wish I could’ve saved you.”

She gently takes ahold of your hands. 

“And now that you’re back....I’m scared to lose you. I want us to be together forever.”

Your face flushes, and you glance away. She giggles a little and gently guides your face back up to her.

“My sweet (y/n), you’re too adorable,” she tells you.

Your eyes meet the bridge of her nose, and she doesn’t make you look at her eyes. She knows eye contact can be hell for you.

“I’ve missed this energy so much; I’ve missed your kind-hearted nature, your beautiful voice, your wide and innocent eyes, that cute little button nose, you cuddling up close to me. I’ve set everything in this cottage up just for you. I want you to be as comfortable and happy as possible here.”

“Where exactly are we, though?” you ask.

“Somewhere where you’ll never be hurt again. I’ll ensure that.”

This set off a slight red flag, and you panic a little.

“We couldn’t have just moved to a house in the suburbs or maybe a house in Greece?”

She shakes her head as she pets yours, something that absolutely gives you butterflies.

“No. This world doesn’t deserve an angel like you, sweet (y/n). You have such a pure soul-you are a pure soul-and the world outside will only hurt you. Sweet and innocent people, especially at your age, are very rare. They’re like diamonds; real diamonds. They’re extremely difficult to find, but once you do, they’re a treasure that needs to be protected. I want to be that for you. I want to protect you, keep you safe, love you and care for you. This cottage, this island, it can become a whole new world. At least give it a try? For me? Please?”

You want to say no, right? You’re not sure. It feels like something inside of you is at war, but one side is winning. Wanda’s clearly relieved to have you, and you’ve loved her for a long time now as she’s loved you for a long time now. You feel comfortable around her too. Perhaps a little protection might not be the worst idea. At the very least, a trial run wouldn’t hurt.

You nod.

“Okay, I’ll give it a go.”

Wanda hugs you close and gives you a small peck on the cheek. 

“Thank you, my sweet (y/n)! Thank you.”

The two of you have dinner together and then watch a few sitcoms before you cuddle up in bed as Wanda softly sings you a Sokovian lullaby, your head lying near her shoulder. As you drift off to sleep, Wanda watches you endearingly. What you don’t know is that you’re going to enjoy being here. She’d love it if it’s on your own terms, but if you start to seem distant, she won’t hesitate to use her magic to send some suggestions. Maybe it’s to prompt you to ask her to include or remove or change something, or even to enhance your joy for the little things. Extreme worst-case scenario? She’ll plague you with a few nightmares, ones that’ll show you how dangerous the outside world is without her, but it will pain her to do so. Expect a lot of cuddling and kisses from her when you wake up in tears in the hopes of making things better. And she makes sure they do. All she wants is for you to stay and be happy and safe with her. 

And even if you wanted to leave, it’s doubtful that even with your powers, you’ll get past the barrier Wanda’s put up. It’s doubtful that you’ll even get that far. It’s a big island after all. Big and deserted. She wants to give you enough space, but not too much. Just enough to make you happy. If you somehow find it, Wanda will make sure you’ll forget finding it. She’ll fill in the gaps with something else so that it doesn’t seem suspicious. It’s not surprising that she knows how to deal with so many outcomes; she’s had five years to think it over, after all, just in case you came back.

But none of that matters right now. All that matters is that she has you, her precious angel, and you’ll be hers forever one way or the other.

[atsuwiee]

Heyyyyy love. Can I request a reaction of enhypen to you guys like being enemies but then they have a hard time and you're there for them and then you become friends blah blah blah? ♡

frenemies with enhypen!

idk how to put a title to this but here u go!! i also experimented with some diFfEreNt writing styles (?) idk anyways i hope you like this!

(this was also a bit long oh my-)

warnings: swear words, grammatical errors

-ˏˋ♥̩͙♥̩̩̥͙♥̩̥̩ ⑅ ⑅ ♥̩̥̩♥̩̩̥͙♥̩͙ˊˎ -ˏˋ♥̩͙♥̩̩̥͙♥̩̥̩ ⑅ ⑅ ♥̩̥̩♥̩̩̥͙♥̩͙ˊˎ

heeseung

there wasn't really a define explanation to why both of you didn't like each other. there were times were you see him and your blood would immediately boil, or when he sees you he'd go and annoy for some reason- resulting to you both obtaining a not-so good relationship.

but this day was different. he wasn't the usual little annoying piece of shit he was, he was oddly quite and he seemed off. you were growing suspicious on his unusual behavior and decided to check up on him- wouldn't hurt to do so, right?

when approaching him, asking him what's wrong- he's a bit shock. "why the sudden question?" he asks. "oh nothing- you just er- seem off" you say and he nods a bit. "oh... it's just been i've been having rough times recently" heeseung says softly. "you can tell me about it" you impulsively said.

"i'll listen. it's better if you get that off your chest" you say, and for some reason it gave heeseung such a warm wave of comfort. you weren't the type to do this, but maybe a friendship could blossom out of this?

jay

both of you were basically cat and dog. polar opposites, which really didn't do any help for the both of you. well- you both just didn't like each other, but others knew that there was a potential friendship between you and jay but you just deny it.

today was unusual though, he wasn't the loud guy who would tease you each second about the jackets or shirts you wore. his expression seemed dull, and he looked tired. you were concerned so you decided to (politely) ask.

"just... having a hard time... with life" he says with a sigh. "life's hard" you say, slightly trailing off from your sentence. "...i'll be here" you say with a small smile, while he widened his eyes a bit. "that's odd" he said with a chuckle making you raise a brow.

he looked at you with a soft smile as well. "never knew you were that kind" he said with a small laugh. "oh shut up" you say as you hit his arm, jokingly.

jake

oh, you just despised him (or did you?). jake was nice to everyone, and even to you, well you were just thinking otherwise. there wasn't a day without his cheeky teasing and how both of you bickered often

well today was different, he was quite- and he looked really down. you asked him and he was shocked by the sudden concerned but slowly came to tell you. "if things get hard, then you can always talk to me- i guess, i'm here for you" you say softly. "thanks, i needed someone" he said with a gentle smile.

(more members under the cut!)

sunghoon

well let's say you both were very competitive, and it lead you to be rivals with the one and only park sunghoon. this day was unusual, he wasn't doing those constant bickering and criticism- he was rather silent.

his silence this day was intriguing, it made you approach him and ask. he chuckled a bit "why are you questioning me all of the sudden?" he asked. "i'm not questioning- well maybe i am- but all i'm doing is checking up on you" you say with a sigh.

you gained his trust a bit, so he started to tell you. "so yeah, a bad day- no- week, rather" he says. "you look like you're loosing hope. chin up, prince, you'll get through it" you say with a small smile (which was rare). sunghoon smiled as well "hm, i guess we could be friends" he said with a chuckle. "yeah. i guess so. i'll be here for you" you say and it comforted him.

sunoo

you don't hate each other- well maybe just a bit. there so definite reason to it both of you were just naturally... sassy? well sunoo is a kind ray of sunshine and people really loved him, but both of you just oddly repelled from each other.

not today though, this day brought you closer to him. you saw him- in a room with no people- small sniffles could be heard. "sunoo? you alright?" you ask softly while approaching. "ah! y/n! don't go sneaking up on me like that" he says, shocked that you were there.

his eyes were a bit puffy and red, clearly you walked in on him crying. "what's wrong...?" you ask in concern. "you can tell me if you don't mind, or not-" you say. sunoo nods and he gradually opens up to you.

"if you think you're alone, think of me- i'll be here" you say and his eyes sparkle. "you? pft... can't believe that" he said with a sassy tone he usually has. "what? we can't be friends?" you asked. "no... i'd actually like to be friends with you. thanks" he says softly and slowly, his smile was coming back.

jungwon

there was no day this boy didn't go on to tease you, or just pure clowning you. this made you grew annoyed at him. jungwon was just a little piece of annoying shit, and you did the same to get back at him.

he was oddly different today though, he seemed a lot quite and it made you grew concerned for him. maybe it was a thing you said? did you hurt his feelings? you didn't know. so you decided to ask him.

jungwon tells you a bit about his week, which he says was pretty stressful with work and school. "i can help you with school, y'know?" you say and he chuckles a bit. "really? you're actually offering help?" he asks. "yeah... just tell me" you say and he smiles. "thank you y/n" jungwon says, your comfort washing over him.

ni-ki

prankster. just a big prankster, and you hated it. he teases you a lot as well, or just does everything to make you annoyed for the day. you didn't understand his humor- which made you grew hatred towards him.

well maybe you didn't hate him anymore after this day, you saw him and noticed he avoided you and his other friends. he wasn't loud nor was he annoying towards you. his behavior made you grow concern for the boy- so you decided to check up on him.

"you alright?" you ask. "yeah... just leave me alone" he says while his back is facing you. "come on riki, this isn't like you-" "just leave me alone!" his voice raised as he faced you. you were shocked by this so you backed away. "s-sorry... i didn't mean to shout at you... it's just- i'm not having the best time today" he says softly.

"tell me... i'll listen" you say, he tells you what's been happening and you assure him. "if you need support, then i'll be here" you say with a smile. "even if i annoy the shit out of you?" riki asks. "i'm used to it at this point" you say while both of you laugh a bit. riki feels an unusual warmth from you but it's comforting, and he's glad you're there for him.

[kallulovesu]

Heyooo :) can you do headcannons for a platonic yandere allies ?? Am aroace so that's the kind that floats my boat, also do you ever feel tired of writing ?? Like .. ur so productive, it's awsome but like .. I hope ur doing it cuz u have energy not cuz you have followers waiting 😬 take care Plz ❤❤🥺

For the anon that asked that yandere reader ask, thx u inspired this ask ur idea is rad :3

(A/N:) ahh thank you for the worry anon, but it’s no problem really!💞 I wouldn’t be making as much content if I wasn’t having any fun, since it’ll probably end up feeling more like chore...and I hate doing chores 😭

That one protective friend that makes sure to check up on you every second (but it’s turned up to the extreme and downright becomes unhealthy in some cases)™

It was ironic to him. Out everyone that he had gotten to know over all these years— hell, perhaps even Arthur; you were the only one he felt like understood him the most. Not many seemed to notice what was going on beneath the surface of his facade, which was why he appreciated you being there. You still liked him despite the many flaws that he had, and tried your best being with him even if it became downright tiring. Alfred would be heavily dependent on you because of this, often going to you to cheer him up— or before he was going to make a rash choice.

So it was only natural that he couldn’t see himself being without you.

You were like a best friend to him; Alfred would even go as far as to say that he felt a familial connection between the two of you. So the deep desire to protect you was normal, wasn’t it? Even when he felt himself worrying for your well-being at even the slightest approach of a stranger, it was just his instinct telling him that there was something wrong. It wasn’t anything unhealthy. Thus, would usually drag you away from anyone that he found to be suspicious; even those he was already familiar with. This would probably result in a lot of arguments, with him trying to say what was ‘best for you’ and with you denying that you needed this much...protection. You swore that it almost felt like he was just isolating you from the others, to have you purely depend on him for whatever reason you couldn’t make up.

Alfred can’t handle being apart from you— nonetheless the idea of you being angry with him, or even hating him . It truly didn’t matter if the reason was rather ridiculous or not, the idea of you hating him just...made his stomach churn uncomfortably. You were his best buddy, and basically one of the only ones he could trust with his inner worries; and the risk of it all being taken away from him because of a silly, childish mistake was all it took to send the poor boy into a state of panic. Please don’t leave him, he’d do anything to keep you there with him. Begging, gifting— you name it.

Arthur didn’t completely seem to realize his feelings at first, confusing it with romantic attraction for a little while— before quickly seeming to realize that it was all purely platonic. He did feel a bit protective of you, maybe even possessive...but it had nothing to do with romance, nor lust. It was just him wanting to have someone beside him, someone that he could call a friend. And someone that would never leave his side.

It won’t be hard to notice how...bad his communication skills were; with him often saying things that he didn’t really mean and slightly setting you off. Arthur is stubborn, so it may take some time (and slight teasing at how much he hesitated) for him to actually apologize. You’ll probably get used to it after a while, since he’s one big tsundere.

Saying this out loud was an absolute no-no for this man— but you being around Arthur was often enough to make him the slightest bit happier. It felt a bit lonely at times, especially with less and less people being around him these past few years. So having you as a friend almost felt like a breath of fresh air.

He’s very critical of those you choose to be around with, often analyzing even the smallest of things so he can determine if they’re actually worth being around you. Which more often than not ends up... not being the case. Arthur will tell you to stay away from them; saying that they were suspicious, and probably had something bad in mind. He’ll resort to isolating you if you were to disobey him, trying to take as much of your attention— and perhaps even kidnapping you if the extreme were to happen. You were his one and only best friend, and he had to make sure you were safe. Always.

Totally the big brother type...well, he usually proclaims himself as being one, so it isn’t that much of a surprise.

Francis will make sure to absolutely pamper you with his attention; hanging out with you, sending letters whenever he was too busy...and simply sending gifts from France. He simply couldn’t let you go off feeling unloved!

He adores talking about you; usually going off on a mindless ramble whenever someone even mentions your name, like a proud father showing off his child. Others will usually compare him to one due to how much he adores talking about you— or simply the way that he treats you. Which would quickly be disregarded with a: “oh, I’m no father! They’re just such a nice little friend to have around, who wouldn’t want to praise such a delicate person?”

On a second note....he actually did feel like a father figure to you. Huh.

Francis will often suggest helping you out with your love life, perhaps even gushing over cute guys together that you found on a random dating app— before quickly realizing that he didn’t really want this. Those silly moments were fun and all, but having you talk with someone that could just be out to use you made him a bit angry...and paranoid, mainly the latter. He will make sure that anyone that even so much dares to get close you first gets his approval first. The feeling of a broken heart was all too familiar to him, and he didn’t want you to experience such a thing.

This may result in him checking up on you...an awful lot, making sure that those around you were only the best of the best and wouldn’t end up being bad influence to you. Yes, he truly was like a father.

A sibling-like person in his life that he didn’t feel insecure against and acknowledged him as his own person? Fuck yes!!

Jokes aside— Matthew really does care deeply for you. Perhaps it was due to the Canadian barely having those that he could...truly call close friends, so having you around almost felt like a blessing. Unlike Francis, he won’t really show you off or talk about you much, especially around his brother. The American had already stolen enough from him, so why would he let something like that happen again?

He’s extremely wary of anyone that even so much tries to make a move on you. It’s just...you were someone that he held extremely dear; and having you potentially getting hurt due to some lowlife that managed to slip into your life would absolutely break his heart. Matthew didn’t want to fail in protecting you, he would never forgive himself if something like that were to happen.

Losing you is something that he wishes to avoid completely. He’ll even go as far as kidnapping you if it came down to it, Matthew just couldn’t see himself living happily without you by his side.

Yao likes cute things...and you’re a cute friend, so it’s a perfect match!

But seriously, he thinks that you’re absolutely adorable. Whether it be because of your personality— or your appearance, it really doesn’t end up mattering in the end. You’re his cute little friend, and that’s all that matters!

He’ll often treat you with more, yet gentler care than most of the others around him. He knew that you were well capable of taking care of yourself; but he just couldn’t help but see you as something fragile, something that he had to protect. So you can already imagine how frustrated he gets when someone treats you with even the slightest bit of disrespect— Yao will often confront them immediately, while you awkwardly have to sit back and watch it all. Almost feeling pity for the person that had to endure your friend’s seemingly never-ending complaints.

Oh, he probably doesn’t quite realize how he comes off as a father at times; seeing how much he’ll scold you for the smallest mistakes (while making sure to correct you of course!) and how he usually made decisions for you, making it hard to refuse his gestures due to his pushy nature. But it’ll probably become a normal thing for the two of you as time progresses, since it’s just...how Yao was, you assumed.

His controlling behavior will also reflect on how he treats your personal life. Yao is very selective of who he lets you be around with, so he’ll often look at your acquaintances and friends with a very critical eye, immediately expressing his distaste in them if they were even to do the smallest thing wrong. “Such a brute isn’t worth being around, (y/n).” Yao will warn you to stay away from them, but won’t bring it up any further if you decide to do what he says. If you don’t then...well, he had special friends to help him out with his dirtier work.

Yao might consider kidnapping you if this behavior keeps on repeating, but won’t feel compelled to actually do it unless something bad were to happen.

Ivan will always try his best to be there for you! While it most likely won’t quite work with him being a rather busy person; a country, nonetheless, but he’ll do his upmost best. It was extremely hard for Ivan to make friends that...weren’t scared of him or secretly disliked him, so having you was such a relief!

Being his only friend, he’ll make sure to be absolutely devoted to you— perhaps in a way that wasn’t too healthy in a friendship, and would often be looked down upon by those looking at your relationship from an outsider’s perspective. But could one truly blame him? Ever since he was born it felt like everyone around him were either toying with him, or were utterly terrified of the boy expect for his two sisters. It was lonely...so it isn’t hard to imagine how overjoyed he was once having you in his life; someone that didn’t display the usual fright whenever he approached them, nor did you look like you were out to hurt him.

Ivan appreciated you a lot.

It wasn’t hard to imagine that you’d most likely become the target of a few other countries, your connection with Ivan wasn’t extremely hidden from the outside world... (from how much he’d senselessly mutter things about you when daydreaming, and the many times he stuck by your side) and so, others would take it to their advantage. Those like Alfred will probably try convince you to leave Ivan’s side, spewing terrifying stories of the man to try and stir up something inside of you so you could leave him. It was mainly for your own safety, yes. But it was also to make the Russian weaker. It was obvious that he was depending on you heavily, and losing you would...god forbid if that would ever happen. Ivan would completely lose himself, perhaps even snapping completely.

So don’t hesitate to tell Ivan if someone was bothering you! Ivan will make sure to get rid of the little parasite from your life in an instant, giving them a short warning whenever the two come across each other...and making sure that he got his point across! It’s better to ignore their sudden disappearance after that day, since someone like them wasn’t worth lingering in your mind.

[nat-20s]

Part 5 of Wonderful! Au. *boyband voice* banter’s back alright!

Also on AO3

~*~

Jon: Hello everyone, and welcome back to our regular format. If my husband being horribly soppy-

Martin:-hey!-

Jon: -turned you off the how, this should be a refreshing return to formula, though I can’t guarantee there won’t be further horrible soppiness-

Martin, performatively under his breath: -most people thought it was charming-

Jon: -as that tends to happen when one is recording with the love of their life. If last week’s episode is the only one that you like, too bad, I’m back in full form, and should be at least through the rest of the season.

Martin: This show doesn’t have seasons? Due to the whole lack of a narrative thing?

Jon: I was referring to spring.

Martin: Oh, right.

[A beat passes.]

Martin, flatly: Oh. Great goof hon.

Jon, smug: Thank you.

Jon, sincere: Also, before we get properly started, I did want to actually thank everyone who sent well wishes.

M artin: Yes! We got positively inundated with lovely messages, it definitely brightened both of our days. I would even say it was wonderful.

[Jon groans.]

Jon: I am..not proud of the energy we’ve created for this episode so far, and we haven’t even hit the small wonders. Speaking of, do you have a small wonder this week?

Martin: Mine’s bad action movies.

Jon: Really? I had no idea you even liked them, let alone consider them wonderful.

Martin: Okay, so, saying I like them is a bit of a misnomer? It’s more that I like what they can do more than the movies themselves?

Jon: Elaborate?

Martin: It probably comes as a surprise to no one that I’ve tried my hand at a fair amount of mindfulness and mediation techniques. I’ve found poetry and journaling have been helpful for actually processing life events and whatnot, but when it comes to giving your brain a hard wipe and reset, nothing is half as quick and effective as a shitty shoot-em-up. Somethings about 2 hours of cartoonish, pg-13 violence held together with the absolute loosest of plots brings me to a state of mental blankness that would make a monk jealous.

Jon: How have I never witnessed you doing this? When are you sneaking off to go see Micheal Tarantino or who ever films?

M artin: That’s definitely not the right name.

Jon: Martin, dear, I don’t care. And you’re dodging the question.

Martin, fond: I’m not dodging anything. Since apparently we’re getting into it, you haven’t caught me cavorting with a movie involving more explosions than character development lately because I haven’t been. Haven’t needed it, in recent years. Turns out when you’re not crushingly lonely and working a literal nightmare of job, there’s less of a drive to try and escape your own thoughts. Shocker, I know. Still, to anyone out there that feels like their brain is on fire, go try watching a fast and furious. Any of ‘em, it doesn’t matter. Or even better, Chronicles of Riddick. I can’t remember a single goddamn detail of that movie, which makes it perfect for what I’m talking about.

Jon: I have the strong feeling that th is is a “mileage may vary” scenario.

Martin: Well, yeah, that’s this whole podcast. Plus, I imagine that movies like this would cause more stress to someone who cares about, say, world-building or rules consistency.

Jon: I wonder who you could possibly be referring to.

Martin: It’s a purely hypothetical person, love, don’t worry about it. Any small wonders?

Jon: Yes! Particularly relevant to the last week, my small wonder is stripping the sheets from your bed when it’s been too long between washes.

Martin: How very specific. M ost people would just say ‘clean sheets’.

Jon: Well, for one, I’m fairly certain that we’ve already covered clean sheets-

Martin: Shit, have we? Thank god other people keep track of this, otherwise this show would be unbearably repetitive.

Jon: Christ, yes. I typically check the website a good three times while prepping, and every about one out of those three times I find I’m trying to do an topic we did 30 episodes again. Anyway, um, it’s just nice, I think. When you’ve been too busy or sick or away for awhile, tossing the sheets in the wash makes a room instantly seem nicer. Of all the chores out there, this one, at least for me, has the highest reward to effort ratio.

Martin: Hard agree. Especially when the y have that slight funk of having been around to long, getting rid of that is such a relief. Speaking of, we need to change our sheets soon.

Jon: We can do it after the episode. Who goes first this week?

Martin: Considering last week was only me talking, I’m gonna say it’s you.

Jon: Alright, then. My first thing this week is Martin K. Blackwood.

Martin: Absolutely not!

Jon: Oh, you can do a whole episode on me, but I can’t do one little segment on my husband, whom I love very dearly?

Martin: Not while I’m sat here, no!

Jon: So you’re saying you don’t want me to tell the internet that your resolve to be kind even in the face of indescribable cruelty is one of the mot breathtaking things I’ve ever witnessed, or how I find it incredibly endearing when you get so emotional that your voice comes out as a squeak, or even that, on a more base level, you’re very physically attractive, and I could lose entire days thinking about your arms alone?

Martin, audibly blushing, voice the aforementioned squeak: Oh my god, Jon!

Jon, laughing: Then it’s probably for the best that my actual first thing is best friends.

Martin, peaking the audio levels: Oh you absolute bastard! Do you enjoy this? Do you get some sort of perverse sense of entertainment from riling me up?

Jon: Oh, don’t you start. As if you’re not as bad as I am. Maybe even worse.

Martin: That’s not…

Jon: Yes?

Martin: Okay. Maybe it’s slightly true. Really, what is romance for if not flustering your partner with compliments?

Jon, teasing: I certainly can’t think of anything.

Martin: Hush, you.

Jon: No, I don’t think I will.

Martin: Fine. I suppose you can tell our delightful audience about the power of friendship or whatever.

Jon: I would’ve assumed more enthusiasm, considering this segment is still, indirectly, about you.

Martin: In what way?

Jon: In the way that, to the shock of all, you’re my best friend.

Martin, pleased: Oh, is that what I am?

Jon, exasperated: Yes, dearest husband, I wouldn’t have married you otherwise. Though, upon reflection, I knew you were my best friend before I knew I held romantic feelings for you.

Martin: When was that?

Jon, letting out a breath that vibrates his lips: God it was...2016? I think it might’ve literally been the day after you told me about your CV.

Martin: That early? Huh. I wonder if that’s what people were picking up when they said they we were close.

Jon: What people?

Martin: I don’t know specifically, that’s just what Daisy told me.

Jon: Daisy? When the hell-?

Martin: It...was when she was interrogating me? And, because sometimes I have to be a parody of myself, pretty much my only take away from that interrogation was “people think me and Jon are close”.

Jon: Well then. It’s not like they were wrong.

Martin, smug: No, no they weren’t.

Martin, sincere: And you’re my best friend, too.

Jon: I was certainly hoping that you’re in this relationship for more than my good looks and incredible fortune, both in the monetary and luck sense.

Martin: You say that as if you aren’t good looking, which we all know is patently untrue.

Jon: You’re biased. You’d say I was good looking if I were nothing more than some primordial ooze with thoughts about its station.

Martin: I’m being completely objective. If you were primordial ooze with thoughts above its station, you’d be the cutest ooze of them all. That’s just scientific fact.

Jon: I’m starting to think we might be insufferable.

Martin: Starting to? Might be?

Jon:…

[Jon clears his throat]

Jon: What I find wonderful about the concept of best friends is, to me, they’re the closest thing real life has to soulmates. I don’t personally believe that there’s some..grand mystic force that drives people to be tied together in the manner that narrative typical soulmates are, and if there was I don’t think it would necessarily be the kind of emotional, heartfelt bond one would hope for, but I do believe that there’s individuals that get to know one another, and because of that knowledge, they chose to stick with one another. It doesn’t have to be a romantic, which is why I say best friend rather than specifically ‘spouse’, but I would argue that the basis of a strong romance like you and I have, is very much rooted in that connection. A true best friendship is an equal partnership, and there’s a sense of..matched sensibilities and understanding that can be utterly incandescent when it happens.

I also think that having one or more best friends makes living life on a day to day basis both better and just flat easier. The dark times aren’t as dark, and the bright times shine even more. I know from my own personal experience there are events that I..that I don’t know how I would’ve made it through without you. Hell, last week my..recovery period would’ve taken much longer if you hadn’t been there.

It’s an amazing thing to have someone to share things with, both triumphs and burdens. Um, also, according to Dictionary.com, the term best friends in English has been around since the 1200s. Something about that delights me, like, yes, we’ve had this casual way of referring to a Favorite Person for roughly 800 years. That makes it a hold-out from early Middle English. I dunno, it’s one of those things that make me feel overall very charmed by humanity.

Martin, audibly smiling: No, yeah, hard agree.

Jon: What’s that look for?

Martin: Nothing. Just. I love you a whole lot, you know that?

Jon, voice soft: I may have heard you say that once or twice. Per hour.

Martin: Only that often? I really need to be more diligent about that.

[There’s a bet of silence, presumably where they’re making doe eyes at each other.]

Jon: What’s your first thing?

Martin: Oh, um, right. Rats!

Jon: The expression or the animal?

Martin: Jon, have you ever once heard me say “rats” as an expression? Obviously I’m referring to the animal.

Jon: Ah. Should’ve known, considering that what, a third?, of all your segments have been on animals.

Martin: Yeah? And? You got a problem with critters? With creatures? With lil guys?

Jon, laughing: No, no, it’s very sweet. I’m just surprised you never became a vet.

Martin: Oh believe me, I wanted to. But then I learned that it was not, in fact, a job composed entirely of getting paid to play with other people’s pets.

Jon: You had that job, though, didn’t you? I thought I remembered you mentioning a month long stint at a doggie day care.

Martin, sighing dreamily: Best job I ever had. Too bad that place was shut down after it was revealed to be a money laundering front.

Jon: Good lord.

Jon: Martin did you...did you know it was a money laundering front at the time?

Martin:

Martin: Would it make you feel better if I said no?

Jon: Martin!

Martin: I figured it out like a week in, but, like, who cares? The pay was decent and the floor was super easy to clean, which is very much a plus for even a front of a doggie day care.

Jon: That’s...rather a lot. How about instead of getting into that any further, you tell me about rodents.

Martin: I would love to. But first, we have a shoutout!

Jon: Ooo, a shoutout. Does it specify who should read?

Martin: Let me check. It...does...not…..

...

Jon: Martin?

[A beat.]

Martin: Right! Sorry, um. This week’s shoutout is from Tim, to Danny. It says, “Danny! My favorite person who shares genetic material with me! I wanted to say thank you for your podcast obsession from 4 months ago, and specifically for telling me about these marrieds. They’ve gotten me through many a dull hour at the publishing house. Also, with this shoutout, I’ve officially gotten ahead on the Superior [Last Name Redacted] Brother scoreboard, so suck it. Love you lots, and looking forward to your visit next month, Tim.”

Jon: Oh.

Jon: Um. That’s very..sweet? I think? Mostly?

Martin: Yeah, I’d say so. Uh. We have to take a quick break because, uh, someone is..at our front door! Be back with you all in, from your side of things, just a moment.

[janghoefett]

Fire and Ice (Boba x F!Reader x Din)

Rating: Explicit (18+) Pairing: Boba Fett x F!Reader (established relationship), Din Djarin x F!Reader Word Count: 1.4k Warnings: voyeurism, unspecified age gap with both men, sexual exploration, sharing, unprotected sex, pullout, Boba’s throne, Din being a simp 4 u.

Summary: Boba let’s you take a ride on with Mando.

A/N: @escapedthesarlacc​ has a rly big brain and I consider her the patron saint of Boba thots. Her headcanons live in my head rent-free, and I definitely had them in mind here 💖

You never thought you would be in the middle of a situation like this. You never thought you were one to be shared by two men.

But Mando wanted to fuck you. And Boba wanted to watch.

Din Djarin was your ghost of another place and time. If the kid hadn’t occupied his attentions, if Boba Fett hadn’t possessed you so wholly… then perhaps there could have been something beautiful. But life is funny, is it not? There are many loves that could be ignited in the universe, and the one that had been chosen for you was Boba. Now all that remained between you and Din was a loving friendship and that fleeting spark.

Boba had been an unattached and uncaring young man, who had sown his oats thoroughly before even meeting you. As he grew older and as the Sarlacc branded him, his priorities changed; you were that reason, his excuse to become a new man.

But you were younger still, and Boba recognized that. You had a curiosity and a hunger that Boba adored, and you still had so much to see and do. Your pleasure was his pleasure. If the silver Mandalorian could satiate you and feed that hunger that he himself once had, then Boba was more than willing to allow it despite the way his heart pounded.

Boba was wildly possessive and protective, but with a gentle reminder of just how much he kept you satisfied… well, he could never say no when his girl asked so nicely. So he agreed to the encounter under his own terms, with only one hard-and-fast rule:

Din could not come inside of you.

The armored man sits leisurely on his throne just feet away from the rugs and pillows strewn about the floor.

Your touches with Din are experimental as he hovers over you. Immediately you are struck by how different the two bounty hunters feel; Din is scruffy with plenty of unkempt hair for your fingers to graze, from his jaw to his disheveled mane. His lips are soft and slow as they place tender kisses to your own and he has the fervor and the earnest quality of a younger man, despite his age.

It had not been your intention to make comparisons, but the contrast is stark. But that was the point, wasn’t it? To feel someone else, for Boba to share in that experience. The Mandalorian holds you close, taking his time with you, finding the things that make you tick. It feels like learning how to make love all over again.

You relax as Din’s large fingers work into you, letting him explore and stoke your arousal. Boba admires you from his throne, noting how soft your thighs look, the graceful curves of your legs, the dip in your lower back that makes your ass look so, so inviting. He loves the way you writhe on the Mandalorian’s fingers as you beg him for more.

Din keeps coming back to your lips. It’s a sweet gesture that you return with fervor; you wanted to drown his sorrows and to make him feel loved. After the kid left, Din was distant and hurting. Your company was his only comfort and a night to relieve his stress was just what the brooding Mandalorian needed.

You spit on Din’s throbbing cock — a quick and effective habit you had picked up from Boba — and lubricate his length for your own sake. You know exactly what you are doing to your audience and proceed to cock an eyebrow at Boba as you lay back for Din. Gently, he parts your legs, planting kisses up your neck, and lines himself up.

You cry out as Din pushes in; the sound goes straight to Boba’s cock. “Fuck, Din,” you sigh as the Mandalorian grunts above you, furrowing his brows at the tight grip. He curses in your ear, praising you sweetly, as you relax around him. Your arms settle around his back and your legs wrap around his.

Boba’s eyes are fixed on you, very much aware of how tight you would be. The intimacy of your embrace had not been surprising to him, he knew you craved contact. But he also knew everything about you — your mannerisms, your tells, your tastes — and there is something different about the way you react to Din when he starts to move.

Your eyes flutter shut, a beautiful expression of contentment, as you bring a hand up to the Mandalorian’s cheek. Your mouth is fixed in a soft smile until Djarin hits something different, when your mouth falls agape with a gasp, and your cries are soft and low while Din’s hips roll into yours steadily.

Boba wasn’t upset; watching you get fucked for him to see was igniting something deep inside of him. He feels pride knowing that the beautiful girl whimpering on the floor was his and his mind swirls with the filthiest sentiments.

Din feels so good for you, the way his lips seemed to be always working against your skin, the praises — praises that were almost too daring under the circumstances.

“You’re so, so good to me,” he groans. “Always have been.”

“Din,” you breathe, pulling him in for a kiss.

“That’s it… you can take it…”

Your eyes dart over to Boba as Din continues to sing your praises, biting your lip, taking every deep thrust.

It was clear the Mandalorian was enamored by you, but Boba could give a shit about anything to do with Din Djarin in this moment. He was obsessed with seeing you undone. Your small cries of ecstasy, the way your pretty eyes flicker over to make sure he is watching… Boba watches rock hard with a fire in his belly.

“Please…” you whine in search of friction. Din pulling out before you came seemed unfathomable, but you knew the Mandalorian wouldn’t let you down. His hand comes down to massage your clit.

The bounty hunter’s hips thrust faster. Your hands claw at his back, your head is thrown back. You make eye contact with Boba who shoots you a knowing glance.

You come quickly on the Mandalorian’s cock on a wave of pure ecstasy. It takes all of Din’s strength to refrain from letting you milk him over before you were done, but he keeps thrusting.

Boba is staring at your face, blissed out under the Mandalorian, until Din’s growing grunts of pleasure stir Boba from his trance.

“Easy, Djarin,” Boba growls.

“I know, Fett!” Din barks through gritted teeth.

Boba’s protective gaze makes you clench once again as you watch him through blurred vision. Din pulls out in spite of your inviting vice grip with a groan, spilling over the floor between your legs, pulling at your hair gently.

You feel lucky to have two men this careful with you, this loving, as you keep Din’s body close.

“How’re you, mesh’la? You okay?” Din asks in your ear.

You nod with an exhausted expression, grinning wide.

“Thank you, sweet girl,” he says, planting a kiss on your forehead.

“Din,” you smile, brushing a fond hand along his cheek in appreciation. “Thank you.”

You were grateful for this moment of closure and trust, as was the Mandalorian. He leaves you with a lingering kiss.

Boba was ready to praise your performance, to tell you something filthy as always, but the way your wide eyes look up at him take the words out of his mouth. He wanted you back home with him now.

“Come here, little one,” he says, patting his thigh. “What am I going to do with you?”

You move to straddle Boba’s lap, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and burying your face in his warm neck. Boba sighs, holding you flush against him in silence with no intention of letting you go. You feel safe and small in your bounty hunter’s arms, lulled by his breathing.

“Did that feel good, cyar’ika?” he whispers in your ear, breaking the silence.

“Mmhm,” you hum into his neck. Boba’s hand runs up your back, resting the other on your ass. “Was that okay for you?” you ask, coming up to meet his eyes with slight worry.

“You can feel for yourself that it was, girl,” Boba growls with a smirk.

“You old stud,” you tease, giggling against his lips, as he gives your rear a firm smack. “Give me two minutes… and I’ll take care of it for you.”

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Are you aware of the blatant homophobic dog whistles in that last ask?

I’m not saying you have to ship Russigon, I personally don’t but I’ve yet to see someone completely about “pure friendships being romanticized” who didn’t mean “I’m seething because relationships between characters of the same gender are being read as romantic”

As a queer follower I was rather startled to see that ask tbh.

There is nothing impure about gay relationships

I noticed, and I spent a lot of time thinking about how to respond to the ask, and in the end I decided to engage with the things I could agree with and try to dissent from the things I didn’t without being confrontational. I felt like that seemed like the most effective way to respond to the comment without getting the person’s back up, and that that makes the most difference in the long run in terms of changing minds. It’s very possible I did that poorly and should have addressed it more directly; if so, I apologize.

TBH, about five years ago I’d have felt similarly about a lot of popular Tolkien ships - not in the sense of being against IRL gay relationships, but in the sense of “this wasn’t at all what Tolkien meant.” I’m still mostly a canon shipper, but just being in the fandom and reading other people’s takes has made me less rigid in terms of the range of interpretations of canon that I can enjoy. And if my first experience in fandom had been a lot of people taking me to task about that, I probably wouldn’t have made that shift. So I’m…just trying to figure things out as I go along?

[heliads]

Coming Home

Based on this request: "race x kelly!reader where she got back from the refuge and it's not doing rlly good?"

masterlist

“How well do you know Y/N Kelly?”

The question is simple, the answer less so. Race has lived a life on the streets of Manhattan and has gotten used to fielding questions and coming up with answers on the go, yet somehow this throws him for a loop. How does he respond to this? There’s no good way to describe the relationship he has with Y/N, the timid circles they’ve run around each other.

But Crutchie is still waiting for an answer. Poor, expectant, oddly hopeful Crutchie. Stalling for time, Race reaches for a question in return. “As well as anyone, I guess. Why do you ask?” Crutchie sighs, glancing around the lodging house like he’s expecting someone to be desperately listening in. “She just got back from the Refuge last night. Things aren’t exactly going well.”

Instantly, every sense in Race’s body is thrown into high alert. The Refuge is a horrible, horrible place. Race would know, he’s spent some time there himself. If the rats and starvation don’t get you, the beatings from the guards will. It’s one of the worst experiences a newsie can ever have. No matter how much spirit you have out on the streets, the second you pass over that threshold, it’s all gone. All of it.

The thought of Y/N Kelly in the Refuge is not something Race wants to consider, not even for a second. “She was in the refuge? I thought she lived somewhere else.” Crutchie shakes his head. “She’s Jack’s sister, remember? If she had a place, he’d probably be there too. Jack’s been worried about something like this for months.” Race’s stomach drops. “Wait, what do you mean, months? Y/N left the lodging house a year ago. Everyone said something about how she was looking for better work somewhere else.”

The memory of that conversation still twists like a knife in Race’s heart. She had never even said goodbye, never bothered to visit. It had torn at him time and time again, wearing him down even when Race swore a girl would never get the best of his heart like that. He supposed he didn’t have a choice with her, he rarely did. There was something about her that made all hopes of friendship impossible. When she’d left without a word, Race couldn’t help but take it personally.

Yet, looking at Crutchie now, Race is starting to have some doubts about Y/N’s past disappearance. He takes a step closer to the boy, feeling his temper rise with every word. “But she didn’t go, did she? She’s been in the Refuge all this time. For a year.” Crutchie doesn’t exactly agree with this, but he can’t seem to bring himself to say a word. Race runs a hand through his hair, trying and failing to come up with some way to make this better.

Crutchie winces. “We was looking for her, honest. We didn’t know for sure that she was in the Refuge.” Race glances back at him. “But you guessed, didn’t you? What, was she not worth the effort of breaking her out?” Crutchie stands up straighter, and Race realizes he’s gone too far. Crutchie may joke around with everyone else and have a heart of pure, unfiltered gold, but he’s got a spine of diamond. It’s wrong of him to assume Crutchie would ever let a newsie or a Kelly stay in the Refuge if he could do something about it.

“There was no way Jack could get involved. You know that, Race. Snyder’s tightened restrictions around that place ever since Jack escaped. We tried to visit her a lot, and every single time we were practically chased off with pitchforks. We couldn’t do anything but stay away and hope they wouldn’t take their anger about us visiting out on her and extend her sentence.”

Race sighs, trying and failing to force himself to calm down. “You said she got here last night, right? So she’s out?” Crutchie’s face falls rapidly. “Technically, yes.” Race frowns. “What do you mean, technically? Either she’s here or she’s not.” Crutchie glances around the room one last time, and Race realizes that he’s looking for Jack. Whatever he’s about to say, whatever is going on with Y/N, Jack either doesn’t know or doesn’t want other newsies to know. This can’t be good.

Crutchie takes a deep breath before responding. “They let her out after a year, claiming her sentence was over or whatever. She’s not herself, Race. Not at all. She doesn’t seem to recognize any of us. She remembered enough to get back to the lodging house, but she isn't responding to anyone. Not me, not Katherine-” Crutchie pauses. “Not Jack. He’s pretty torn up about that.”

Race thinks he knows where this is going. “That’s why you asked how well I knew Y/N? You think she’d recognize me.” Crutchie shrugs, although Race can tell he’s faking his couldn’t-care-less stance. “You’re our best bet. You and Y/N were close, Race, whether you want to admit it or not. If Jack can’t get through to her, then I think you could. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I know you cared about her. I think we owe it to her to try.”

Race feels like a hand is clenching around his heart, stopping all attempts at escape. “I’ll do it. Where is she?” Crutchie looks relieved. “The roof. That one fire escape she always seemed to go to.” Race nods. “I’ll see you later, I guess.” Crutchie grabs Race’s arm as he attempts to leave. “And Race? Be careful. She isn’t herself, I mean that. Don’t end up doing more harm than good.” Race stares a second, then removes the boy’s hand from his arm. “I won’t. I can’t hurt her, not if I tried.”

Race’s footsteps seem hollow on the stairs, rattling up the fire escape stairs like they’re not connected to him at all. He knows where Y/N will be, but it’s still a surprise to see a figure curled up on her fire escape landing. No one seemed to visit there in the year she’s been gone, as if they’re all saving it for her. To see someone there now almost seems sacrilegious, even if it’s her.

Drawing closer, Race feels a lump form in his throat. Y/N looks, well, awful. There are large bags under her eyes, as if she hasn’t been sleeping. As if she’s been too afraid to sleep. Bruises dot her arms, scratches line her body. Her cheeks are hollow, the result of having no food to eat. When she hears him approach, her eyes widen in terror, and she backs away as far as she can on the narrow fire escape.

Race holds up his hands, but the sudden movement only seems to agitate her further. “It’s me, Y/N. It’s Race. I’m not going to hurt you.” Y/N’s shoulders relax infinitesimally. “They all say that.” Race feels like he’s been physically slapped. The thought of people telling Y/N, his Y/N, lies about not hurting her and what they mean makes him want to go up to the Refuge and burn it all down to the ground. However, getting himself landed in jail for years because of arson wouldn’t do Y/N any good, and so he stays where he is.

Race slowly lowers himself to the ground, sitting casually on the other end of the fire escape. “I’m just going to sit here, alright? I want to make sure you’re alright.” Y/N’s jaw clenches. “I’m fine.” Race raises an eyebrow. “If you were fine, you wouldn’t be looking at me like I’m a monster from one of Les’ nightmares.” Y/N’s gaze flickers to him at the mention of Les’ name. “You know Les?”

Race nods. “Yeah, Les and Davey. They’re friends of ours, right? The Jacobs. I remember when they first showed up and Davey tried to start something by saying that they didn’t give him enough papes. I thought Albert was going to soak ‘em just as sure as the Delanceys.” The corner of Y/N’s mouth twitches, like she’s trying to hold back a smile. “Albert would never soak another newsie. He’d be tempted, sure, but he wouldn’t do it.”

Her gaze softens at the memory, and then she turns to Race, as if really seeing him for the first time. “Race?” The name seems to tear at her throat, ripping out of her like it’s physically painful to even call up the hope that he might be here in front of her. Race can’t help but wonder how many times she asked other kids if they were him, and how many times she realized she was still alone after all.

He forces the thought away. “Yeah, Y/N. It’s me. It’s Race.” Y/N’s eyes flash closed for just a second, as if she’s overwhelmed with relief, and then she looks over at him once more. She shivers once, twice, as if she can’t stop. “I think I’m out now. I was there so long, and nobody ever came-” Before Race realizes what he’s doing, he’s scooting over on the fire escape, close enough that he can wrap an arm around Y/N’s shoulders and pull her near. He pauses just before his hand touches her, remembering everything she’d been through.

Y/N hesitates too, flinching slightly, one more sign that she’s still thinking of her time at the Refuge. Yet she takes a deep, rattling breath, and moves closer to Race. She lays her head on his shoulder. Race can feel the quiet rise and fall of her chest, the tension still radiating up and down her spine even as she tries to force herself to relax. Race remembers what it was like when he got out of the Refuge, the way he didn’t want to think about anything he’d just been through, yet he’d been reminded of it every second he walked and talked and breathed around the city.

So he opens his mouth again, casting about for something else to say. “Do you remember when you drew me that picture of myself?” Y/N’s shoulders start to shake, and for a second Race thinks he’s really done it now and he’s made her burst into tears before he realizes that she’s laughing. “Don’t bring that up. I’m embarrassed, Racer.” Race’s heart does a steady loop in his chest over the nickname, but he forces himself to stay calm.

“I don’t know why you’se embarrassed. I thought it was excellent.” Y/N gives him a look out of the corner of her eye. “It was excellent, that’s not the problem.” Race raises an eyebrow. “Well, look at you, Miss Confident. If your artistic mastery wasn’t the problem, then what was?” Y/N curls even closer in to Race’s chest, as if trying to hide away from the memory. “The problem was that I drew a picture of you and you found it. I looked like a stalker.”

Race chuckles. “You weren’t a stalker for drawing me. Jack does it all the time. Honestly, I’m flattered that you were trying to come up with a masterpiece and the first thing you thought of was me.” Y/N sits up slightly, still pressed against his chest, and it takes every ounce of self control in Race’s body to not start blushing with the heat of a furnace. “Maybe I was looking for a really mediocre muse.” Race just tosses her a wink, as casual a movement as he can muster. “I’m still your muse, love, and that’s what matters to me.”

There’s a shout from further down the fire escape. The newsies are arriving in the main room of the lodging house, still unaware of Y/N but wanting to meet up with everybody to discuss the day’s sales. Race moves to follow the voice, assuming Y/N will want some time alone, but her hand closes on his for just a second. Even this small movement is enough to convince him to stay.

When she speaks, her voice is quiet, barely there at all. “Don’t go. Please. I don’t want to be alone.” The bleakness in her words cuts at Race like a knife, and he sits back down, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Of course not. I’m not leaving you, Y/N.” Not anymore, he wants to add. Not after everything that you went through when I wasn’t there. Y/N seems to be thinking of similar things, and she shudders slightly. “I was there a year. I kept thinking that people were going to come for me, and they didn’t. No one ever did.”

Race opens his mouth to say something, anything, even though she’s right. Y/N lays a hand on his arm, and he remains silent. “It’s not your fault, Race. I heard Crutchie talking to you, I know you had no idea I was there. Jack, though, he knew. He didn’t do anything.” Race sighs, staring out at the horizon. “Jack makes a lot of decisions. He did what he thought was best. That doesn’t mean he was right, but at least he has a motive.”

Y/N looks over at him. “And if you knew? What would you have done?” Race laughs ruefully. “I would have broken into the Refuge myself. Beaten up all the guards like a superhero, carried you out. It would have been a thing for the movies.” Y/N chuckles. “Look at you, got everything planned out. You sound like Crutchie when he gets an idea.” Race grins too, then feels his expression sober.

“I’m being real, Y/N. If I had known I would have come for you. You know that, right?” He doesn’t know why it’s so important that Y/N know this, even if he couldn’t have actually done it himself, but something in him needs Y/N to count on him, to keep looking for moments like this one. She nods slowly. “I know you would, Race. I knew all along.”

A tight knot unclenches itself in Race’s stomach, and he presses another kiss to Y/N’s cheek in an attempt to stop the thundering behind his temples. “I just wanted to make sure. I care about you, Y/N. I care about you a lot.” The words are simple, hinting at something far more than the single phrase. It means that Y/N Kelly is one of the best things in his life, that spending a year without her was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. It means that finding out she’d been in the Refuge fills Race with an incomprehensible pain. It means that he loves her, even if he’s never sure if she feels the same way.

Y/N smiles up at him. “I care about you too, Race. More than you know.” Maybe it’s not a lot, not in Manhattan where every love story worth hearing is splashed out on the headlines. But for a boy and a girl, two hearts in a big city, it could paint the sunsets. It is enough for them.

[angstyastro]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36490549/chapters/91739821

Guess who finally updated their shakarios breakup/makeup fic :’)

Thane sat in his usual chair and stared at the cup of tea sitting in front of him. It had gone cold long ago but he couldn’t help but stare at it and wonder if maybe something would come to him. He had hoped that he could meditate but his mind kept repeating the disagreement he had with Garrus and Shepard. Garrus had “broken up” with him and Shepard, Thane didn’t even realize it was a relationship “break up” until Shepard had explained it to him.

This had never happened to Thane before. He had only ever been with Irikah and although his relationship with her had always been difficult and prone to disagreements, they had never gone through a “break up.” It wasn’t something Thane had ever experienced himself with her and he admittedly never really considered it would happen between himself, Garrus and Shepard.

It had been an entire day and night cycle since Garrus had stormed out of Shepard’s cabin. He had been in so much shock over the whole thing that he hadn’t realized he had slipped into memories in an attempt to comfort himself until Shepard had gently anchored him back to the present. They had spent hours talking about what Garrus had told them and although Thane had wanted immediately to go straight to Garrus and talk about the breakup, Shepard had convinced him to let Garrus “cool down.”

Mordin had made sure to explain it several times during his checkups. The good doctor had been looking into a cure for Kepral’s from the moment Thane had essentially boarded the Normandy and had dragged Operative Lawson and Dr. Chakwas into his plan.

Mordin had made sure to explain it several times during his checkups. The good doctor had been looking into a cure for Kepral’s from the moment Thane had essentially boarded the Normandy and had dragged Operative Lawson and Dr. Chakwas into his plan.

Many times Thane had firmly declined Mordin’s offers and had even gone as far as requesting the man to cease his pursuits to only be met with indifference from the salarian. “Noted.” He’d say and then promptly ignore Thane’s requests by turning around and continuing his research into Keprals.

Thane had just assumed that Mordin wouldn’t be able to make any progress after a while given that the Hanar haven’t been able to either but it had started to become more of an actual reality once Lawson and Dr. Chakwas began to approach him and offer different medications that he admittedly hadn’t accepted due to pure fear of the possibility of it not working.

He was comfortable with taking the current medications he was and although his body was starting to resist them at that point, they were still all he had.

He knew, objectively, his fears were irrational due to his colleagues having only the best of intentions when it came to help him but he didn’t know how to handle the possibility of actually living. Shepard had woken him up after years of being in battle sleep and Garrus had become just as important to him once he had gotten to know him during their missions together.

The turning point of his feelings changing from just friendship to more was the moment when it felt like he was watching his own experience with Irikah between Shepard and Garrus on the citadel.

She stood in his path blocking his shot and Garrus had a change of heart that he otherwise would have never experienced. It had been beautiful to observe and Thane could no longer ignore his growing infatuation with Shepard  and Garrus.

Which was now tormenting him. Thane had gotten  used to the easy dynamic that he had with Garrus and Shepard. It was something that was normal between them even before they had realized their feelings for each other and it was rare if either one of them was not in the near vicinity of the other.

In most cases, Garrus and Thane spent most of their days and nights together when Shepard was too busy or off on missions with other members of the crew. And in the past 24 hours since their break up, Thane had been by himself in his small room of life support.

He knew that Garrus was actively choosing not to be with him. It was still very early and the day crew had yet to replace the night crew. Usually, Garrus was in bed with him or they’d all be with Shepard in her cabin. Given that Shepard was busy with Hackett at the moment with preparations of her surrender to the alliance, Thane knew Garrus was probably in the main battery.

He sighed as he slowly stood. He contemplated on what he should do or say if he could speak with Garrus. Perhaps giving the Turian 24 hours would be enough for him to cool down.

Thane turned and began to rummage through his clothes and pulled out his workout gear he usually wore when he was on his way to spar with Garrus early in the mornings. If his hunch was right, Garrus was either asleep or he was in the shuttle bay going through his early morning workout routine. Either way, Thane would know that by 8:30 everyone would be in the mess for their breakfast meals.

He made his way towards the elevators and to his surprise, Samara stood poised as she waited for the elevator to reach their level. She glanced at him and nodded in greeting. Thane returned the greeting,

“Samara, you are up early are you not?” He asked.

Samara nodded again and smiled briefly, “I thought a change in location for my meditations would be best today.”

Thane hummed at that.

“You are alone this morning, and you did not have your regular morning spar with Garrus yesterday.” The justicar stated more than asked. Thane couldn’t do anything but nod at her observation.

Before he could reply the doors to the elevator opened and to both their surprise, Garrus, and Zaeed were laughing loudly as they turned to exit. They both were dressed in their workout clothes and Zaeed was sweating with obvious exertion. Garrus didn’t sweat but his own mandibles flared in that manner that showed he was winded. They both paused at seeing Thane and Samara standing in front of them.

Garrus and Thane momentarily locked eyes and Thane felt a spike of unusual pain shoot through him. It felt like someone had socked him hard but not hard enough to knock him over. Before he had a chance to say anything though, Zaeed broke the silence,

“Well move aside! We’re bloody hungry!”

The older mercenary quickly made his way past them and Garrus followed as he awkwardly turned to Samara and offered her a good morning. Thane felt himself move almost on instinct as he boarded the elevator. He felt confused, lost, hurt?

Garrus had finished his morning workout with Zaeed.

Yes, there were days where they all worked out with different people but it was only usually when everyone was in the shuttle bay and they were having sparring competitions.

Thane’s morning sparring routine with Garrus was something they did to spend time together before work called them for the day.

Thane didn’t know how long he had been quiet as he was letting his thoughts run through his mind before he felt a warm, comforting hand on his shoulder.

“I am not sure if something is wrong…but if you wish to meditate I would enjoy having you join me,” Samara said quietly. Thane noticed the way she looked at him. The older justicar’s experiences must have helped her notice his tension and he knew he didn’t have to share anything. She was offering him the comfort of having a friend.

Thane swallowed hard as he nodded his thanks.

Meditation would be better with a partner to help him stay focused anyway.

———

Thane felt himself get more uncomfortable with each passing hour. He had tried to go about his day the way he usually did any other day. However, he was finding that every aspect of his daily routine had long ago altered and adjusted to having Garrus or Shepard by his side.

And with Shepard too busy to be with him due to being with Admiral Hackett for the time being, Thane was incredibly disoriented without having a certain Turian next to him.

Usually, Garrus would fill his days with activities they both usually enjoyed, and or they would spend hours in silence together as Thane meditated and Garrus worked on his calibrations. But now, Thane was struggling to do the simplest of tasks simply because he could  hear Garrus at a distance speaking and interacting with someone of the Normandy crew.

Earlier it had been Zaeed, during breakfast in the mess hall it had been Jacob, during their routine chore schedule debriefing he had been having a long discussion with Miranda, and now as Thane made his way towards Medbay to pick up his daily medications Garrus was leaning against the mess counter as he poured a cup of coffee and laughed at something Jack said.

It was incredibly off-putting to Thane how his days tended to revolve around Garrus and Shepard. This wasn’t something he was used to before he joined the Normandy crew and now he was having a hard time being alone again.

Given he was sure he would feel just as disoriented if Shepard was with him throughout the day solely because Garrus would also be actively choosing to avoid her the way he was avoiding him was something Thane was having trouble coming to terms with.

He quickly made his way into medbay where he came face to face with Professor Solus and Dr. Chakwas who were leaning over a small datapad before they looked up at him.

“Oh you’re here for your refills, give me a second to get them Thane.” Dr. Chakwas said cheerfully as she went to her desk.

Mordin sniffed as he glanced back down towards the datapad in front of him, “Thane, good to see you.”

Thane bowed slightly as he waited patiently for his medication.

He glanced out the windows of medbay and lingered on Garrus’s figure as he once again contemplated speaking with him.

“A shame Garrus is leaving the crew in a few hours. We are close to Palaven according to EDI, would have liked to test-“

“He’s what?” Thane interrupted Mordin’s quick chatter.

The salarian sniffed in disapproval quickly before he recovered and nodded, “Yes, Garrus will be leaving for Palaven and we are close now. I assume he has been saying his goodbyes to everyone with how he’s been visiting every crewman on the ship.”

Thane felt his heart drop to his stomach. Everything made so much sense. He had almost (ironically) forgotten that Garrus had requested that the Normandy drop him off on Palaven after their argument. Garrus was saying his last goodbyes to the crew and that meant that he was intentionally avoiding him and Shepard because they were more than likely going to be the ones to see him off.

Thane felt his chest clench painfully as he sucked in a painful breath. His wheeze caught Mordin’s attention, however, and the Salarian snapped to attention.

The man quickly made his way towards him and pulled out different medical equipment, “Your breathing has worsened hm? You’ve been taking your medications and have been doing well in your routine checkups-no-was reaction. Air could not reach lungs quick enough-“

Thane politely waved Mordin’s concerns away as he took a deep breath to calm his nerves. His chest burned lightly which was noticeable but not to an extent for the good professor to worry. “Thank you, Professor, I am just…concerned about Garrus’s departure.”

    Mordin straightened up and nodded, “Of course, romantic separations such as this are likely to cause stress, anxiety, feelings of abandonment, can prescribe relaxation medication-“

Thane smiled as he waved the man’s concerns away again.

Dr. Chakwas finally made her way towards him and handed him more than his usual amount of medications. He glanced at her in confusion. She smiled at him, “I am giving you more than you need since I am sure it will take you some time to find another medical provider once we are all off the Normandy.”

Thane looked down at the small bottles she handed to him in his hands and suddenly he was once again hit with the memory that had been tormenting him since the moment Garrus had walked out of Shepard’s cabin.

  I hold my breath as Garrus turns to look at me, his mandibles flutter anxiously and his voice is on the verge of cracking, “And Thane…I…I can’t go on anymore and pretend that things will be okay when they won’t be. You always make sure that we don’t focus on anything that is a problem and I get it, I do, but that has to stop eventually. I know you have been intentionally avoiding every topic about your Kepral’s and you have also been denying the treatments that Mordin has offered you-“

    Thane quickly snapped back from the memory and blinked slowly as he realized that he had voiced the memory out loud.

Mordin and Dr. Chakwas stood silently and had looked away in some attempt to give him the illusion of privacy which of course wasn’t possible. Then again Thane knew that the two of them were more likely to keep this whole situation to themselves if need be, however, he had now exposed his own dilemma to them.

They all stood awkwardly before Mordin cleared his throat.

“Thane, treatment for Keprals is not complete, but! Have made progress! Would like to discuss this with you when you have time.”

Thane felt his throat tighten up and he couldn’t find the words to deny or accept Mordin’s offer. Truth be told he no longer knew what was the right thing to do anymore. His faith could only anchor him so much and right at that moment, it wasn’t enough. He quickly nodded, thanked Dr. Chakwas, and quickly turned to leave. He needed to be alone and he was going to spend the majority of his time in life support until he figured out what to do.

He almost didn’t hear Jack’s comment as he began to strip from his coat as he made his way towards his quarters. He didn’t care. She had always had something vulgar to say about the physique of the crew and he was too deep in his thoughts for him to focus on her or Garrus at the moment.

_____

Thane sat awkwardly between Jack and Samara as he slowly picked at the food on his plate. He wasn’t sure how he felt with such an obvious distance between himself and Garrus. He had spent the time before lunch in his room after visiting medbay and had come to the conclusion that he had to try to speak with Garrus before he left.

He had hoped that he could do so in the mess if they had sat next to each other however, that plan was proving to be failing by the minute. It wasn’t some sort of rule that they had to sit next to each other but it was obvious that they both usually preferred to be in each other’s presence than to be separated.

So Garrus choosing to sit in between Tali and Grunt was an obvious choice that Thane seemed to be the only one to notice out of their entire crew. It didn’t help that Garrus’s demeanor betrayed nothing of their breakup. He joked and bantered with everyone around the mess like any other day and it was both incredibly nice to hear but also heartbreaking. Thane knew that those wide smiles and fluttering mandibles were not going to be aimed at him anytime soon.

His chest ached and he took in a deep breath to try to steady his nerves. His lungs burned as he did, far more noticeable this time around than earlier. He quietly coughed into his hand and thankfully everyone around them were being too loud to hear him.

He continued to pick at his plate and did his best in trying not to stand out. Usually, a feat easily achieved out in the field but on the Normandy it was nearly impossible now that everyone knew him and he was more sociable than he had been when first coming on board.

A part of Thane wished Shepard was there given it would be the last time they would have a group meal like this with Garrus. But she was with Hackett in the conference room making arrangements for her trial. She wouldn’t be having dinner until much later.

“Hey! Not cool Vakarian, those are  mine! ”

Tali’s voice cut through Thane’s thoughts and Garrus’s laughter filled him with longing as he turned to observe them.

Tali poked at Garrus’s hand that was hovering over her plate in an attempt to steal a strange purple substance that they both seemed to enjoy eating.

“Oh come on Tali, it’s my last few hours with you, let me have the last of the good stuff,” Garrus whined as he wiggled his talons at her plate. The quarian batted at his hand and shook her head.

“Oh no, it was  your choice in wanting to drop off on Palaven instead of Omega like the rest of us.”

Garrus chuckled but Thane was able to hear briefly how his subvocals wavered at that.

“Omega is too dangerous for me to stick around on, besides my dad’s on Palaven and I have to meet with him anyway. Now is as good a time as any to get that over with.” Garrus replied as he tried to wiggle his talons towards her plate again.

“Why  are you choosing Palaven Garrus? I thought you’d stick with Shepard the longest out of all of us. I figured they’d have to drag you off the Normandy.” Kasumi asked as she materialized behind him holding a dextro bar towards him. Garrus accepted it and flared his mandibles into a large grin.

“Shep’s the commander, nothing I can do about her choice to go back to Earth. Might as well just move on and get ready for the reapers.” He replied as he opened and bit into the snack in his hands.

Kasumi tapped her chin in thought, “I thought you’d be more torn up about the whole thing.”

Thane watched as Tali’s hand lightly rested on top of Garrus’s. A movement not noticeable to anyone if they weren’t paying attention the way he was. An action of comfort, support on her part, and a sudden wave of envy ran through Thane momentarily. It was silly, he knew Tali knew. She was the closest thing to a sister both Garrus and Shepard had on the Normandy. It was only natural she would know what had happened between them if Garrus or Shepard confided in her. And yet he was envious of the quarian at that moment. He did his best to squash that feeling. It was irrational.

Tali was being supportive and if Garrus could gain comfort from anyone, she was the best person to offer it.

Garrus shrugged, “Not really my place to say anything.”

“Oh come on Vakarian, you probably were on your hands and knees begging Shep to let you stay.” Jacob teased as he waved at Garrus.

Garrus snorted and momentarily glanced at Thane before he waved his hands at Jacob, “You wish to see me on my knees, Taylor? You keep bringing them up in our friendly chats, something you wanna tell me before I hop off the Normandy for good hm?”

Jacob almost choked on his food and the table erupted in laughter as they watched Jacob try to recover from his embarrassment,

“I  know I’m irresistible Taylor, what? Are you finally succumbing to my charming good looks? I hear turian voices make some of you humans shudder with excitement.” Garrus continued to tease as he dropped his tone of voice into a low register that Thane knew  intimately.  It definitely made  him shudder but Jacob was half spitting his food while laughing.

Garrus joined in on the laughing once Jacob had gotten a hold of himself. He tossed some of his remaining food at the turian. “Oh you wish, I’m going to miss you though! Never a dull moment with you around.”

Garrus clutched at his chest in mock swooning, “I knew you saving me with Shepard would mean something someday.”

Everyone once again laughed as they all started to share stories about their missions. Many centered around Garrus given that they all knew he was leaving soon.

Thane thankfully had Dr. Chakwas redirect any topics of conversation towards him by bringing up events from Garrus’s time in the SR1. They were fascinating stories that Thane hadn’t heard entirely and he inwardly thanked the doctor for saving him from potentially lapsing into a memory he knew wasn’t appropriate for the mood of the afternoon.

———-

Thane took his time as he washed the plates of everyone who had finished eating and made note of everyone who was making their way out of the mess and back to their stations. He planned to talk to Garrus and try to have a civil discussion. He needed to talk with him before he was scheduled to leave the Normandy in a few hours. Thane didn’t know how he would be able to handle going their separate ways without trying to at least resolve their problems as best they could. Thane didn’t like that his own behavior may have caused Garrus to decide he couldn’t be in a relationship with him and Shepard. He knew not everything they had would be fixed in a single conversation but hopefully, they could find a solution or compromise.

He listened to the footsteps of different people make their way past him to their stations. He kept mental tabs on who was who since he had long ago learned the different patterns of the Normandy crew’s walking habits.

Heavy steps shuffling, Jacob. Loud thumps echoing through the room, Grunt. Rapid light steps walking, Jack.

One by one he heard the crew leave and he could also hear Tali and Garrus having some sort of discussion about filters but he simply waited for Tali’s steps to make their way out of the mess before he tried his luck in speaking with Garrus.

Thane’s mind raced with the different methods he could approach Garrus, he felt almost like a lost teenager. He had no idea how to go about speaking with someone who didn’t want to be in a romantic relationship anymore. Ironically, Thane knew little about relationships aside from what he had already experienced with his late wife.

With her, it had been something that took work and effort, but it also was never in a situation where they had “breaks,” or “time to think.” Then again, he had also been away from his home for long periods of time and that alone could have been the main issue.

One couldn’t be involved in arguments if they weren’t there to even have them. Thane had learned that now with Kolyat. Years of being away from his son have finally caught up and it’s something he has come to terms with.

Another possibility that Thane thought about was that both Shepard and Garrus were younger than he was. Garrus more than Shepard. He was an adult, yes, but Garrus’s views and expectations in a relationship were much more different than Thane’s.

It had been something they had discussed many times when they had barely become a triad. The very concept of a polyamorous relationship was something that Garrus struggled with understanding in the beginning, whereas, with Thane, it was a concept that was considered normal. He and Irikah had an open relationship during their time together that when it became a possibility with Shepard and Garrus, he did not hesitate.

He washed the last dishes while he let his mind wander into different thoughts and before he knew it he felt someone behind him. He tensed up before he got the familiar scent of gun oil and metal. He watched as a familiar hand reached out and placed a few sets of plates in front of him. Instinctively Thane grabbed the hand tightly and turned to look at the owner of it. Garrus stood still as Thane turned to face him, still with the iron grip on the turian’s wrist.

Garrus’s eyes glanced down at Thane’s hand holding onto him and then up at him and waited for Thane to say something. Thane didn’t even know if everyone in the mess was gone but he quickly turned to face Garrus completely and took in a deep breath, his lungs began to burn with an intensity that let him know a cough was going to come soon and he swallowed hard in an attempt to delay it.

This was going to happen now or he’d get eaten alive by his own thoughts.

They stayed standing there for a few moments in complete silence. Thane arched his head to look up at Garrus who was towering over him. His face was deceptively blank as he waited for Thane to say something, anything.

Everything Thane wanted to say was threatening to bubble out of him but he forced himself to take another deep breath and steady his nerves.

“Garrus.”

“Krios?” Garrus replied. One of his eyebrow plates shifted slightly in question.

    Thane felt a pang of hurt roll through him. Garrus had stopped calling him Krios the moment they had become a triad and had resorted to using his first name or a pet name. It felt all too real that Garrus was now going back to formalities.

“Garrus, I wanted…to apologize for what happened the other night,” Thane said before he lingered too much on the emotions in him trying to fight their way out.

Garrus sighed and pulled away slowly from his grip, “There’s no need Krios, There’s nothing much to say anyway. Unless you’re talking about Kolyat, then you have nothing to worry about. I will respectfully keep my distance from your son. You were right. I presumed too much.”

This wasn’t going at all how Thane had hoped.

“No, no that isn’t what I meant-” he stammered. It was unusual for him to lose his train of thought or his composure but he couldn’t seem to find a way to talk about what he wanted to without potentially letting his emotions spill out.

Garrus stepped even further back as he placed a noticeable distance between them. Thane fought the urge to close it.

    “I wanted to talk about…my illness and how it has affected you and Shepard.” He finally said after a few moments of silence.

Garrus quickly raised his hand, cutting him off from continuing.

“Krios, this isn’t the time or place for that. I don’t want or need your apology. You have made it perfectly clear on your stance about your Kepral’s. I shouldn’t be the one you apologize to, that is something you discuss with Kolyat. He deserves your apology, not me or Shepard.”

Garrus sighed and his shoulders slumped, the only indication that Thane had seen the entire day over Garrus’s feelings about the whole situation.

    The turian shook his head and turned to leave. Thane reached out for him, this wasn’t the way he had hoped this would go, “Sihé-”

“Don’t…call me that, please.” Garrus cut in before Thane could say anymore.

Thane recoiled as he let that sink in. He swallowed hard but nodded. “Yes, of course, my apologies.” The burning in his chest was beginning to increase in intensity but he wasn’t sure if it was due to the emotional pain or the physical pain of Kepral’s at the moment.

    He opened his mouth to speak but that’s when he felt his chest clench up and the breath in his lungs snuffed out, causing him to lurch over and cough painfully.

He lost his footing as he bent over in pain. Everything around him didn’t matter anymore, only the burning, painful pressure in his chest.

He coughed and hacked so forcefully he couldn’t get a hold of himself. His vision began to blur with tears as his coughing fit persisted and he almost didn’t feel the strong, comforting hand that was rubbing his back as he rode out the painful experience.

He felt another small pair of hands grab hold of his left arm in a strong grip as they held him from falling to the ground. He wasn’t sure who it was but when the familiar purple gloves came into view he realized it had been Tali.

After a few painfully long moments of coughing, he was finally able to regain some of his breathing. Tali had filled a glass of water and offered it to him. It was then that he realized she had probably been in the mess the whole time he had tried to talk to Garrus.

He accepted the water and leaned back against the small island counter. Garrus’s hand continued to rub soothing circles across his back and Tali had taken it upon herself to give him some medigel. It wouldn’t do anything but help him relax but he was grateful nonetheless.

Thane momentarily chided himself for enjoying Garrus’s attention in such a situation. He knew Garrus was still upset with him but he wanted to enjoy the feeling of his hand against him for as brief as it was.

After a few minutes of silence as Thane regulated his breathing, he was finally able to breathe normally again and nodded his thanks towards Tali who was wringing her hands in a nervous manner.

Just as he was going to inform them that he was fine he felt the world around him suddenly shift on him and he was disoriented. He stumbled a bit as he tried to stand up straight but the moment he pushed himself from his leaning position against the counter, his knees buckled as everything around him began to spin.

He felt a strong pair of arms grab hold of him and steady him, Garrus. Another pair of arms he felt grab hold of his arm again, Tali.

The room continued to spin frantically and the lightheaded feeling he was getting only increased. The panic in his chest surged and he tried to focus on anything he could land his eyes on.

“Sihé?” He asked as he tried to turn in the direction he knew Garrus was on.

“Right here, Thane.” He heard.

The voice was far away though and he couldn’t pinpoint its direction.

“I don’t…feel-“

    Thane felt his legs give out and the world around him went dark.

—

Consciousness came slowly to Thane. He felt incredibly sluggish and exhausted as his vision adjusted to the bright lights of medbay. For a few moments, he was confused and disoriented. Why was he waking up in medbay? Did he get knocked out on a mission?

Before he could focus on any particular thought Tali’s helmet came into view, “Thane!”

Shepard then came into view. Her expression was full of concern as she hovered over him. Both women were watching him and he tried to raise his arm only to find it felt incredibly heavy.

“Don’t move Thane, you’ve been out for a while, Mordin has been pumping you with oxygen.” He heard Shepard say. It was at that moment he felt the oxygen mask on his face. He tried to focus on the area around him. Everything slowly came back to him. He had been in the mess washing dishes while he waited for everyone to leave so he could talk to Garrus before he-

Garrus! He was trying to talk to Garrus before he had lost consciousness.

He looked around the medbay room as he looked for the familiar turian but he was able to only see Shepard, Tali, Jack, and Mordin.

“Hey, next time you go sleeping beauty on us, at least give a warning shout or something?” Jack said as she crossed her arms across her chest.

Mordin then came into his view and he began to shine a light into his eyes. Thane was momentarily dazed before he was finally more aware of his surroundings.

“Lucky you were with Tali and Garrus, could have hit head on hard surface. Would have been…problematic.” the professor said quickly. Thane couldn’t focus on anything but Garrus and Shepard. He glanced towards his Siha and reached out for her. He felt her hand grasp his firmly as she leaned close. Her warmth radiated off her and it filled him with immense comfort.

“G-Garrus?“ he choked out. His throat burned and felt dry with the oxygen he was taking in.

Shepard’s grip tightened on his hand as she took in a deep breath.

“Garrus…is on Palaven now Thane. He was dropped off an hour ago.”

    Thane let those words sink in slowly. Garrus was gone, he had left and he had been out cold in medbay the whole time. His last talk with Garrus would forever be a failed attempt to resolve their issues and it  hurt.  

Thane’s throat burned as he tried to swallow to clear it but the oxygen he was getting was not helping. He sucked in a breath as he tried to calm down. His heart was starting to pound in his chest and he didn’t know what to do.

He felt pathetic and small. For everything he was trained to do, he had no idea how to mend a relationship with someone he loved and now he wouldn’t have a chance to. Not in person anyway and Thane knew that holovids and messages could not transmit properly what someone wanted to share most times.

He felt a hand lightly run across his crest and he realized that Shepard was trying to ease his furrowed brow. He had also closed his eyes sometime after she had told him that Garrus was gone.

He took another deep breath before he opened his eyes again and he turned to look at Shepard again and she wore a small pained smile, “He sat here by your side hoping to see you wake up.” She said quietly.

“He asked me to give this to you when you woke up too,” Tali said after a brief pause. He couldn’t see her expression but by the way the small quarian shook, he could tell she was nervous.

Thane turned towards Tali who was holding a datapad, “He said he had a few things he wanted to say to you before he left.”

Thane slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position with Shepard’s help. He was feeling much better physically now that he was getting oxygen but his emotions were what were on the verge of spilling. Had it only been Shepard with him he was sure his composure would have broken the moment he woke up.

He sighed as he turned towards Tali who offered him the datapad. He slowly reached out for it and stared at it for a moment before he turned towards the others in the room with him, “May I…be left alone? I would prefer to read this on my own.”

It took a few moments but everyone nodded as they made their way out of medbay. Mordin huffed in displeasure but also joined them.

Jack momentarily paused at the door however and turned towards him, “I don’t know what happened but he did say something to you before he left and he touched your forehead with his if that means anything.”

Thane felt his chest tighten.

Garrus had given him a kiss goodbye.