#that’s usually a sign of permanent brain damage

[alleiwentcrazy]

The point is, Steve can’t hear.

A person can get hit in the head only so many times before it takes effect and does permanent damage. Steve’s incessant claims that being in the front row when the fight breaks down does nothing to him, that he’s safe and alright as long as everyone else is, mean very little in the face of cold, evident facts.

His hearing isn’t intact. It takes him a while to adjust to this reality, but with the help of his friends, he eventually does. Thanks to Nancy’s fierce bullying of the government guys who come to Hawkins to assess the situation and cook up some half-assed excuse for everything that’s happened, Steve now has a small army of well-paid doctors that really seem to be eager to help. He also gets state-of-the-art hearing aids that, well—they work, but Steve’s range of possibilities is still quite narrow. Let a few people into the room, let them speak simultaneously and all he can hear is static, rustles and crackling.

But he’s pliant. He listens when Robin tells him they have to get in the car and hit the road to get to his appointment on time. He lets her help with inserting the aids properly on the days he’s just too impatient and too bugged about how they feel and look to even care if they help him hear. He’s not dismissing her enthusiasm when she starts learning sign language before he even gets a chance to discuss it as his option.

He’s doing a lot of things for her, even if they’re supposed to be important to him first. To be honest, these days it’s mostly doing things for Robin that keeps him going. He would have gone completely numb ages ago if it weren’t for her and her unique ways of picking up the severed pieces whenever he crumbles.

He’s also doing it for Dustin. If Robin is his twin sister, Dustin is the little brother he’s never had. And Dustin… It’s just been too rough on him. It’s been rough on everyone; how could it not be if the only thing they seem to be able to do is wait? Wait for the lab guys to figure out a way to end this. Wait for the panic to cease. Wait for Max to wake up.

Wait for the grief to pass.

They wait and wait, but it never stops—on the contrary, it brings fresh, equally unwanted feelings. They’re always there, lurking behind the corner like a kitten that wants to launch itself at an unsuspecting owner – only with them, there won’t be any playtime involved. Steve recognizes this feeling. It’s the same feeling he’d had in that Winnebago when he was dropping off Max, Lucas and Erica at Creel’s doorstep. An awful anticipation of doom waiting to happen.

He doesn’t like it. He’d like to find a way to do something about it, but he can’t seem to get to the core of it.

Maybe that’s why he thinks he’s hearing things when he really can’t be hearing them.

At first, Steve writes it off as him being paranoid. It happens only when he’s home by himself, so it’s the only logical explanation – he takes off his aids, he gets too attentive about his surroundings, right? He thinks he hears something, but it’s only his tired mind playing tricks on him.

Especially because what he hears are mostly usual, non threatening things. The sound of water running in the bathroom (he goes inside, everything is dry and quiet). The sound of kitchen drawers being opened (he goes to the kitchen, the cabinets are exactly the way he left them). The sound of cutlery being dropped on the floor (but he hasn’t even taken anything out in the first place).

He even gets used to it. Things happen, his brain is weird. It’s confusing, sure, but hasn’t he seen worse things? He definitely has.

But it doesn’t keep him away from sleeping with his bat perched on the side of the bed. If he sleeps at all, if a sudden sound of breaking glass doesn’t keep him awake until his morning shift with Robin, when he can finally leave this goddamn house and take his mind off of things.

Steve tries to ignore it. He really tries, but the point is—Steve can’t hear things like running water in the bathroom when his aids are off. Hell, he only makes it out if he focuses on it when they’re in, so why the heck can he hear it so well? Why are the sounds multiplying?

It goes on for weeks. He avoids the topic for as long as possible, trying to shoo away the obvious similarities between his house and the house that made him hate spiders and cringe at fireplaces not too long ago.

It gets a little too real on just some random Tuesday, when his kitchen positively explodes with sounds the second he gets the hearing aids off. Cabinet doors slam left and right, mugs fall to the floor and shatter, forks and spoons seem to be getting thrown around like ragdolls—but Steve sees nothing. He hears it, he hears it so loudly it hurts, the cacophony of noises he’s never even heard before, but his eyes register no proof of it. He curls down on the floor, expecting sharp glass pieces to cut his skin, but nothing happens. Nothing’s here.

He still covers his head, tucked away in the furthest corner of the kitchen, waiting for it to just stop, to leave him alone—

Steve doesn’t know how long it takes, but when it’s finally done, his knees are shaky and his breathing is ragged. He snatches his aids and takes off, straight to Robin’s house. He doesn’t even lock the door, a thing his parents would kill him for if they knew.

It’s the first time he explains everything to her. It would be hard not to, because she sees right through him. His panicked, restless eyes are enough indication of things not being right.

“Maybe, uh—I think I’ve read something about hearing loss and auditory hallucinations? That they happen, sometimes, especially if the loss of hearing is sudden?” she says, already flipping through her notebook where she keeps all Steve-related stuff and pacing around the room with enough force to make a hole in the carpet.

Steve’s not convinced. “It seems pretty real to me,” he mumbles and frowns. “But that’s the point of it, right?”

Robin shrugs. He notices that she has a small set of wrinkles around her eyes. Steve looks at them for a second in total disbelief. They already have some worry wrinkles, and they’re not even well into their twenties.

He’s gonna lose all his precious hair in a span of months if this doesn’t stop.

*

They decide to bring it up during his next appointment, still hoping that it’ll maybe go away on its own. Robin tries to make him get a consult straight away (what if it is rabies after all, Steve, like a really really really weird, belated presentation of rabies?), but he waves it off. The option of hallucinations doesn’t soothe his nerves, but as long as it’s not a chiming clock, he can avoid confronting it for a while longer.

It doesn’t go away, though. Steve can’t quite pinpoint it, but it almost feels like—well, it obviously doesn’t feel like it’s real enough to be real. But there’s something that accompanies the sounds, the lack of evidence, the missing of this ominous feeling that Creel’s house inflicted on him.

The sounds—it feels like they bear a presence. Steve’s still scared and gets spooked by them whenever they happen, but he’s no longer truly afraid of them.

Some of them are even comforting. The sound of his pillow being fluffed up before he gets to bed, the sound of pen scratching on paper whenever he leaves his journal open on the desk, the whooshing sound of a lighter being opened and closed – they all make this eerie place his parents have left him a little less empty.

He rarely lets himself think about it that way. He may be a little kooky, but admitting that he’s lonely enough to find hallucinations comforting would be way too much to handle at the moment.

So Steve can’t hear, but he learns to accept the fact that, apparently, sometimes he can. He doesn’t know how it works—to be quite honest he doesn’t know a lot about experiencing hearing loss at all, despite now being hard of hearing himself—but it just makes its place in his life.

He thinks about it a lot, but he tries not to overthink it too hard. It just happens. Things fall to the floor in his house, curtains get torn, the fridge gets opened frequently. He just can’t see it. His mind hears it, but his eyes don’t get the memo. He lives for longer than a week. It’s probably a good sign; nothing’s going to make his bones snap in two now, probably. Hopefully.

Things change suddenly.

Steve tries to spend as much time with Dustin as possible. Between work, his appointments and Robin, Dustin, Max and the kids are his top priority. He doesn’t think he would be able to function if he let himself take a breath and step down from his piled up responsibilities that he chose to take on himself. They keep him together. They keep him going.

Besides, Mrs. Henderson gets really worried. Sometimes it’s just better for Dustin to stay with Steve, and Steve is more than happy to be with him, even though it seems that Dustin doesn’t really like his cold house either.

It’s one of Dustin’s quiet days. He gets them, sometimes—Steve knows that trying to get him to talk on one of those days is a lost cause, and his ears are killing him. He was in such a hurry this morning he didn’t take the time to put the aids in properly. Work was overflowing with people, too, so now his temples are throbbing from trying to pick up the chatter from the static. Seriously, how is it possible that people still spend so much time watching movies in the face of almost-apocalypse, Steve doesn’t know.

“Would you mind if I took my aids off for a while?”

“Go ahead,” Dustin mumbles, bending over his new book.

Something flips inside Steve’s chest. He knows it’s not supposed to be like that, it’s unlike Dustin to be so… not himself. But what can Steve do? He can’t make him talk. He can just wait, nothing else.

He gets up to leave his aids on the counter and pour himself some coffee. He should probably start making dinner soon, but he decides to take a few peaceful sips first.

It’s weird. To sit with Dustin Henderson, of all people, without a single word. Steve glances at him every once and again, but Dustin either ignores him or genuinely forgets that he’s there.

Steve’s so deep in his thoughts about Dustin, he doesn’t even look to the side when a sudden sound of kitchen chair toppling over cuts through the silence. His eyes are trained on the kid.

Who flinches. And frowns. Steve can swear that he fights the urge to look around.

Each and every chair Steve keeps in the kitchen is standing where he placed them in the morning after breakfast. Nothing real has happened. But Steve heard it. And, apparently, Dustin did too.

Steve’s brain is working overtime for the rest of the evening, and he desperately tries not to show any of it. He’s jumping into conclusions. It was an accident; dumb luck. It’s nothing. He’s working himself up, nonsensically.

But it doesn’t feel like it’s nothing. It was only one chair, one sound, but the feeling that accompanied it was strong. Too strong to be nothing.

He waits to drop Dustin off at home like he’s on pins and needles, fumbling with his fingers and keys and pacing around. Maybe it’s better that it’s one of Dustin’s quiet days, he mostly gets away with it, getting only a few side glances.

When gets back home, it’s late, but he’s buzzing with anticipation nonetheless. He can finally do something. He discards his aids haphazardly, not nearly as carefully as he should, and starts running around the house. The house his parents built is huge—but the kitchen turns out to be quite small when he’s finally done with arraying at least a dozen lamps there. He has to raid three of his father's garages to get enough extension cords.

When he turns them on all at once, he has to take a step back and shut his eyes, because it’s too much light.

Just the right thing he needs.

His heart is beating so fast he can almost feel it ramming against his ribs. That’s about how far he’d thought this plan through.

“Come on,” he says and clears his throat, trying to gauge how his voice may really sound now. He repeats himself, hoping that it’s louder this time.

Nothing happens for a while, but he knows he’s close. The feeling is here. The presence that hasn’t left him in months. It’s here.

Steve walks around the kitchen, moves the lamps a little, shakes some of them. His hands are clammy and it feels like he’s chewed through his cheek at this point, but he can wait. He’s waited for a long time. He can wait a while longer.

When the microwave beeps, he stops breathing for a second.

Until it beeps again. And again.

“Oh god,” he breathes. He doesn’t know if he speaks clearly or not, he doesn’t even care. “Come on, show me that it’s you. Come on, come on—”

The lamp furthest to the left starts blinking, slowly at first. Then the one next to it, then another one, and another one, like someone’s walking around and making them flicker one by one.

They’re blinking so much one of the bulbs goes out. Steve doesn’t hear it hiss, so he knows it went out here, now. He knows it’s real.

“Oh god,” his hand goes to his mouth. His eyes are weirdly itchy. “Oh god, is it really you, Eddie?”

The lamp directly in front of Steve goes wild. When he reaches out, it’s almost like he can touch the presence that’s here with him.

And it’s Eddie. Eddie’s here with him.

[savorypink]

buckle bunny

you've taken a liking to someone next door.

contains smut. + cowboy!alex.

It’s not wrong, right?

It’s just looking—observing. You aren’t hurting anyone. Well, the potential relationship with your neighbour could damage a few things. Ugh, that word. Potential. It makes your stomach swirl with nausea; potential.

You want something more permanent than ‘potential’. Right now, it seems farfetched, almost out of your grasp. But until permanence occurs, you can at least enjoy the view. 

You draw back the curtains to your window, the mobile home adjacent to yours now in vision. 

He’s home today.

The plastic encasing your popsicle bursts opens with a soft ‘pop’, though the emptiness of your trailer makes it seem louder than usual. The bitter Red 40 hits your tongue before the tart cherry flavour washes it away. It reminds you of something. You recall the fleeting feeling of your heart drumming against your chest the first time you did this—your bitter Red 40.

Then relief covers you in warmth like a blanket, but your stomach still churns, partly in butterflies, the other…disgust? It isn’t your fault. Alex is just that excellent of a specimen. Your microscope will forever fix on him.

It’s like watching a sculpture in motion. But your time in the museum has well passed. Alex is dripping sweat from the damp hair shielding his face to his lean, sun-kissed arms. He isn’t too bulky but shows no signs of fragility, either. Rugged. Masculine. Sharp edges you don’t mind cutting yourself on. Replace the dumbbell in his hand with your neck, and it could leave an attractive bruise. Your body and brain melt at the thought while your thighs come together pathetically. He could crush you like a bug. 

Your lips fall agape as you watch him curl the dumbbell for another repetition. As he curls the dumbbell, your grip on the popsicle grows tighter, mirroring the contracting muscles in his arms. Your peep show is beginning to feel like a workout, with the underarms of your shirt dampening and soreness in your knees from digging them harshly into the mattress.

Your chest burns a fiery red hot as if he’s placed a boot there. Your feeble wheezing congests your ears while the savoury sound of your bones snapping sends a jolt of heat through your core. He could crush you like a bug. He could crush you like a bug.

A pink tongue laps away at the sweat forming across his upper lip. Bumps and edges your body wants to get familiar with. You’d look good on him, and you don’t doubt that, but he’d look delectable between your folds. Your ache could use easing, and he could be your painkiller.

The weight gradually comes up his chest for what you presume is his final set of curls. The strain on his sweaty face softens once the dumbbell is at his side again. With what you think is a hearty grunt, he sets the weight at his feet. His large, gloved hands sit at his hips as he triumphs over the weight. You catch him trying to fight the smirk threatening to paint his features, but eventually, he caves. Shit-eating. Sexy. Belittling.

He’s such a man.

His chocolate eyes study the ceiling, dizzy with power. When his eyes tear away from above, they meet the window beside him.

The window you’re across from.

Your heart falls from where it once was and into your churning guts. This is real, is it? The hot guy from next door watching you is merely a vision trick. Correct? Closing your curtains makes you as cowardly as it does guilty; you remain statue-esque under his gaze regardless. The heat rushing to your neck and face tells you it’s terrible, but something else tells you to embrace it. 

Alex drinks in your stunned state, amused. It’s almost a repeat of the same grin from when his workout finished. Smug. Proud that he’s gained an audience of you. Only you. He reaches for the string of his blinds before swiftly closing them, your beloved show ending on a cliffhanger.

The reality of what happened has yet to smack you in the face. Your mattress hasn’t swallowed you yet. Your underwear is still uncomfortably wet. The trailer is empty; no camera crew tells you you’ve been Punk’d. The quiet is deafening, but a buzz in your pocket quickly follows before allowing you to wallow in your silent shame. 

It’s from your neighbour.

Change your shirt.

You look down at the splotches of red and blue staining your work polo. A warm, sticky puddle of popsicle soaks your skirt’s denim, dying your thighs and fingertips. Groaning, you leave the bed and gather nearby tissues to blot away the pesky Red 40 and Blue 1 splattering your skirt. Before you can angrily toss the empty popsicle in the garbage, you read the text on the stick’s end.

How do you warm up a frozen cowboy?

Yee-thaw!

—

“You still tryin’ to fuck that old dude next door?”

Your head comes up from your magazine to look at your friend. “He’s not old.”

She waits for your protest but smiles when you respond with silence. “Then that means yes.”

The trailer park folk are friendly; it’s something that comes with living in the South. You’ve shaken hands and exchanged hellos, but your only real friend sits beside you. Two trailers away and a bit gossipy, though you felt comfortable updating her on your staring rituals. She ensured your secret was safe with her; surprisingly, she’s incredibly supportive of your efforts. Or lack thereof.

“You two would make excellent babies.”

The summer sun isn’t responsible for the heat rushing to your face. You roll up the magazine and smack her thighs, but her infectious giggling alleviates your embarrassment.

“I don’t just want to fuck him,” the lawn chair squeaks as your back sinks further into the plastic. “Do you think he likes to cuddle? We can cuddle.”

“Naked, probably.” She sighs, about to leave her chair. “Want me to find out for you?”

You hold her wrist in a vice grip. “Don’t.”

She snatches her wrist from you, returning to your side. “You’re strong. You’ve been flicking the bean much more since Al’s been here, huh?”

You shield the magazine over your flushing face. Your friend isn’t wrong. “Leave. Please.”

“You have his number. Send him some nudes or something.” You allow her to get up this time, peeking at her through the glossy pages. “It’ll be more fun than watching him smoke.”

Her flip-flops clap along the pavement as she leaves. Groaning, you toss the magazine at your feet. You hate it when she’s right.

Nudes are a bit extreme, but you’ve made your interest clear. It’s not that Alex isn’t entirely interested, either. If you remember correctly, he quite literally smiled when he caught you. In some roundabout way, Alex opened Pandora’s Box between you two and left the rest in your hands. Your phone can be used to communicate. Did you know this? Alex practically gave you an opening. Enter the door.

Alex is having a cigarette. Double-denim clad. Large silver belt buckle around his hips. His worn hat sits beside him on the stairs leading to his trailer. He’s returned from the ranch. You recognise the exhaustion from your prior viewings. In sunlight, his dark circles are prominent, and so are the tan lines along the collar of his shirt.

A single bead of sweat trickles down his neck, glimmering in the sun before disappearing into the valley of his chest. Your toes curl into your flip-flops as your core tightens around your slick walls. 

Stop staring. Stop staring. Stop staring.

Does he even know you’re alive over there? 

You admire and envy his blase. He could sit in front of you and not say anything, let alone give you a glance. Instead, he taps away at the keyboard on his phone, one letter at a time. Looking absolutely adorable in the process. It definitely shows his age, but your heart flips and bends all the same.

His nonchalance might be a blessing in disguise. He can’t see the imaginary hearts floating above your head.

 What does his search history look like? Who is he texting? Does he prefer Candy Crush or Bejeweled?

Your dumb questions halt once you hear his door shut. The loneliness isn’t as deafening as the night prior. You’ve gotten used to it. In fact, you’d call it a loop of the day before, the way your phone buzzes again.

The next show is tonight at 12. Dress to impress.

You’re alive. And Alex is aware.

Confirmed. See you then.

—

11:59.

Time doesn’t move the way you want it. 60 seconds shouldn’t feel like forever, but tonight, it does. You’re in your usual spot by the window, waiting for something to happen. But rather than silence, it’s your heart hammering your eardrums. Instead of just sitting there, your fingers twiddle with the lace hem of your nightgown. A lump sits in your throat, sour and hot, and you find it hard to swallow with each tick of the clock. 

Where is he?

Could you blame him if he bailed? Not entirely. This is weird; strangers don’t wait by the window for one another. They don’t invite the other to watch them either—you don’t know him. Close the curtains. You can have a good cry about it later.

12:00.

Alex opens the blinds.

The towel wrapped around his hips is oddly thick. You want to kick yourself for letting your eyes land there first. He must’ve noticed. Alex is going for the towel. You ball up your nightgown and wiggle in your seat; your heart is the only echo in your ears.

Thwip!

There’s another towel underneath.

The air feels less thick as you laugh, the bricks on your shoulders tumbling to the ground. His lightheartedness is endearing; it makes your palms less sweaty. It’s a quality lacking in the boys your age: pure charm. You wonder what else he can do to fuzzy your chest. Make you laugh. Make you feel wanted. The skin on your arms raises at the thought. Butterflies flap wildly around in your belly. He could be yours.

Your phone lights up.

Show me something.

You’re unsure of what he means for a moment, but your body understands it clearly. You slip the nightgown straps down your arms, wincing as the cold air hits your bare skin. The blood rushes precisely where Alex wants it, frigid air and arousal stiffening your nipples. Your glazed eyes notice an inviting and prominent dent in the towel. 

Another text.

Beautiful.

Wetness damps the pillow underneath you, and shamelessly, you rut against it. Your fingers swirl your nipples in circles, closing in on them with a hard pinch as Alex finally removes the towel. The strong arms you watched him work hard for get their chance to shine. He spits into his hand and begins pumping, almost in tune with your twist on your breasts. His fists, hefty, veiny, and what you’d picture as calloused, nearly eclipse his cock.

Already leaking out of the fat head, looking heavy in his hands, you don’t doubt he can fill you to the brim. You wouldn’t have it any other way. Your bodies demand to collide; the hunger between you two is almost never-ending.

You get a firm grip on the pillow and start grinding. A breeze wicks away the sweat forming on your brow, and you grind harder, the fabric painfully rubbing at your unnerving ache. Alex has an idea of what you’re doing and what you’re doing it with, and he knows it should be him instead.

Captivated with your breasts dancing and your slack jaw, he can’t tell if his new speed is out of anger or lust. You’ll be so good to him. Good for him. You’re worth the trouble.

A heat rises in your belly as your hips follow his hand’s maddening pace. The friction between your core and the pillow hurt all so good. Your folds will probably be a puffy, burning mess afterwards, but Alex makes it worthwhile. His body shines with sweat, defining his v-line and biceps, glowing him in the dark. He mouths what you think is your name but finishes with an audible “Oh.” 

White stripes spurt out of his cock and onto his knuckles and bedsheets, but his movements continue as he waits for your arrival. You mewl and rock against the pillow until your legs tire. You hold your tongue when the heat in your stomach rushes through you, but you’ve made him aware of what you need.

The ceiling looks as if it’s made of stars with your head thrown back as you ride out your bliss, though you feel your movements becoming desperate again. When you dip your head back, Alex closes the blinds, leaving you alone again. The wet spot in the pillow grows cold quickly, and you prepare for silence again.

Until your phone goes off.

You wish it was your hand, don’t you?

You type out your message, hitting send with your eyes shut.

You wish you were the pillow, don’t you?

—

Ask him for a cup of sugar.

You’ve had dumber ideas. 

It seems innocent enough. It’s more tasteful than just showing up and asking Alex: “What are we?” You even went out of your way to buy ingredients for a cookie recipe, knowing that a bag of sugar exists in your cupboard. Typically, you would hate lying, but this one could have an enormous payoff. Maybe you’ll finally figure out if he likes to cuddle. Your teeth ache at the sweetness of it all. 

His door seems more menacing up close. It’s easier for you to turn heel, return to your house and act like the past few days never happened. You’d be better off that way. But the actions from your home are what lead you here. You’ll have to face that silence if you go back. Your skin will ache from unfulfillment, touch-starved and bone dry. Desires will continue to pound in your ears, and you’ll have no one to share them with. It’ll be you like it’s always been. You’re bored of it.

You knock firmly on the door, your heart halting as his footsteps approach.

The door swings open to reveal Alex draped in worn pyjamas and an equally worn shirt. Warmth wells in his eyes at your form. He smiles. “Hi.”

“It’s you.” Your voice is barely a whisper. 

“In the flesh.” 

“Can I…do you have sugar? I need a cup.” 

He moves out of the way of the door, the scent of air conditioning pungent. “Come. Can’t have you waiting out here.”

You could pinch yourself a million times, but this will still be your reality. This isn’t a dream. You’re here. He gestures for you to sit at the kitchen table, and you sit statue-esque with your hands in your lap. Nervousness and curiosity keep your eyes bouncing from one thing to another.

The TV is playing some western on low volume. Kung-fu movies on VHS sit in a quiet corner. Playboys and painkillers sit on the end table next to the yellow couch, guitar picks scattered in the mix. There are no family photos; he wears no ring. There isn’t a life you could ruin. You can breathe a little easier. The silence still has you wheezing, though.

“Your spice cabinet is pretty full for a white guy.”

Alex closes the cupboard, turning to you with furrowed brows. “Thank you?”

All the blood in your body goes to your face. “Uh-huh.”

It might be best if you didn’t say anything.

He sets the sugar in front of you and then pulls out the chair across from you. “What other activities do you like besides peeping?”

It feels like more of an interrogation than an ice-breaker. You twiddle your thumbs. “Baking. Daydreaming. Long walks on the beach.” You force the last part, needing to be lighthearted; your arms can’t hold something this heavy.

“You like cowboys?”

You’re not picky, but you like this cowpoke specifically. “They’re fine, I guess.”

He clutches at his shirt dramatically, letting his head fall back. Acting as if you’ve shot him at point-blank range. He’d be as good as an actor as a lover.

“Woman, you wound me.”

You giggle, and he yearns to hear more of your laughter. “There’s a ranch not too far out from here.” Alex begins. “It’s where I work. Beautiful. All the acres you could want. Family’sThe family’s filthy rich, too. I can sneak you in if you want. Teach you how to ride—a horse.”

The invitation is enticing and as charming as he is. It’s got those butterflies flapping about in your stomach. Without a thought, you slide out of your flip-flops and let your skin graze his ankle. Gooseflesh forms immediately at your contact.

“What else can you teach me?”

When your toe hits his calf, he takes your ankle. “We can get a head start on riding. You pick the place.”

His hands feel the way you pictured them. Calloused and rough—the hands of a working man. You look around the trailer. The couch is inviting. The kitchen counter won’t work. You’ve seen his bedroom, and your presence makes sense, but a question slithers into your head when your eyes meet again. What’s wrong with right here?

Alex releases your leg, allowing you to stand before him - albeit a nervous wreck. He embraces you regardless, the same calloused hands seemingly lightweight around your hips, grazing the bone with his thumbs. His nose pokes at your own, and Alex nudges it cutely, wanting your approval for a kiss. He doesn’t need to ask, but you tilt your head, and you two collide. 

Finally.

It’s better than what you pictured. The fizz of Coke on his skilled tongue, his beard etching burns into your skin. Your failure to catch up with your tongue makes him clutch you tighter, the seams of your sundress nearly coming apart in his grasp. He bucks into your clothed core, and you mewl, returning the gesture with movements of your own.

A hand finds your breasts and squeezes possessively, another pathetic moan leaving your mouth. He drinks your sounds like water, rewarding you with noises from his gut. You steady yourself by placing your hands on his shoulder, but to your dismay, it breaks the kiss. Alex pulls back with a grimace, hissing through his teeth painfully. Your heart drops into your gut immediately.

“What…happened?” Concern shrills your voice.” Did I do something?”

He kisses you in assurance that he’s fine, albeit timidly. It has you second-guessing if he’s truly at his best. “I had a fall on the ranch. It’s unimportant.” 

You begin tracing shapes along his shirt. “It’s important to me,” your lips curl into a pout, and you can feel his legs tremble. “I don’t wanna hurt you, Alex.”

His hand palms the lacy material of your panties, already sticky and damp to the touch. “You couldn’t hurt me even. Not even if I begged for it.”

You grind against the ridges and lines of his hand, but softly enough to reduce any damage you could do to his arm. His palm is hot under your core, and the lace of your underwear begins to burn at your ache. Your wetness spills out of his fingers in excess, adding to the stains you already stamped on his pants with your needy grinding. You claw at the waistband of his pyjamas, his bulge more prominent than before.

“Can I…? Please?” Your fingertips hook the elastic.

Alex withdraws his hand, pulling your panties to the side. “Take what’s yours.”

You slide him out of his pyjamas and boxers hurriedly. Your core tightens around itself as the tip already leaks precum. With a teasing finger, you smear the substance along his slit, another hiss leaves his lips, but it’s not out of pain. Alex retaliates by sliding two fingers into your leaking core, grinning when your finger spasms. 

“Tight.” His fingers scruff the spongey part of your bits. You moan. “You’re gonna be so good for me. I know it.”

The wet squelching sound at the expense of your core is louder than your heart in your ears. Alex’s fingers curve and swirl, pumping mercilessly in and out of you. The moment heat pools in your lower belly is when his fingers withdraw from you. You whine.

“Don’t whine.” Alex lazily drags his tip along your folds before slipping inside you. “I got ‘cha.”

The bulbous tip is enough burning on its own, effective in stretching you out and making your toes curl painfully inward. With Alex fully seated inside you, your core is scorching, the burn is too harsh, and it is too delightful to ignore. Instead of his shoulders, your hands grip the neckline of his shirt, looking up at him with watery lenses.

“Like I said, I got you.” Alex guides up his cock, stilling at the base, then resuming, bringing you all the way to the tip. Your hot slick runs down each thick, lengthy inch of his cock, your wall’s usual grip uncomfortably wet and slippery. Alex has your hips coming down at a moderate pace, and you’re sure his shoulder is to blame. You try not to apply too much weight but let your head rest there, pressing kisses.

He wants more of you, and it’ll hurt him to do it, but he brings you down faster on his cock. His shoulder screams in agony, groaning in lust and in pain. He needs you to talk him through it. You’ll make it more bearable.

“No boyfriend, right?” He pants in your ear. “Besides your pillow, I mean.”

If he weren’t already in pain, you’d hit him. “Leave him out of this. He’s just a friend. Promise. Mmm, so good, Al. Close.”

You feel him twitch inside you. “Can’t wait to meet ’im.”

Another hotness spills from you again, but it’s stickier than you’d produce. Alex spills into your walls with a primal grunt. Everything but his hands go limp as he paints your core a hot, gluey white, his bouncing off your body slowing down.

Unlike that time in your room, his name comes out of your mouth with confidence as you succumb to the burning heat in your belly, clutching him tightly as your vision turns to pink haze. Both of your pants bounce off the walls of the trailer, the scent of sex breezing away from the air conditioning.

Alex shifts the chair, giving you room to stand. Your footing is shaky on the way up, your knees nearly buckling as you rise from his lap. He brings your underwear back to its original position, plugging the release and threatening to slip out of you. He gives your core an affirming smack, smoothing out the wrinkles in your dress. 

You twiddle your thumbs and watch as he tucks himself back into his pants, the silence you know all too well blanketing the room.

“...So?”

“So.” Alex drums his fingers against the table.

You give two clammy thumbs up. “We’re good?”

“More than good.”

You take the cup of sugar, grinning. “Cool. Um, do you like cookies? I’ll bring you some when they’re done.”

He takes your hand and grazes your knuckles, kissing them tenderly. “You don’t need cookies to come see me. Visit anytime. You know where I stay.”

You'll be back. Cookies or not.

Guaranteed.

[pxppet]

I do wish that, with writing of JJ, people would include different types of muteness in their stories. Most people make him have what I assume is a vocal cord deformity or a removed/damaged larynx. But that barely scratches the surface of conditions that cause muteness. The majority of nonspeaking people could speak at one point or can speak depending on the situation.

Myself as an example: I have spasmodic dysphonia, which is a neurological condition where my brain sends signals to my larynx to snap shut at random when I'm attempting to speak. It's a lifelong condition that causes the muscles that generate a person’s voice to go into periods of spasm. I can speak, technically. I can make vocalizations for maybe 20 minutes worth of speech on very good days! But it causes me pain and stress the entire time. My quality of life is healthier and much happier if I use sign language and AAC applications.

A lot of conditions that cause muteness are similar, in which the nonspeaking person does not speak because it causes some sort of pain or distress. Muscle tension dysphonia, for instance, is the condition my version of JJ has. There is an abnormality in his voice box that causes him to over-use other muscles in his neck to help produce your voice. Steve-O has this condition, for example! My JJ has caused permanent damage to his voice due to Anti continuing to use his voice while possessing him even though his abnormal voice box was preventing him from speaking normally. Jameson can make strained, gravelly, whispering vocalizations, but it causes him pain. Eventually Anti has used his voice to the point he cannot speak at all due to the damage.

Selective mutism, as another example, is when a person can’t speak in certain settings, but can speak fine in others. It is usually related to stress, certain situations causing so much anxiety to the person that they are unable to speak. It is not a willful decision not to speak, it is anxiety so severe that the ability to communicate just vanishes.

As you can see, the ability to speak or make small noises for short periods of time is more common in nonspeaking conditions than a total lack of sound production. If your Jameson, for instance, had throat cancer and his voice box was completely removed, then that is different as he will not be able to produce any vocalizations. If he has this, however, he can still whistle, cluck his tongue, and make mouth noises to use as responses.

Representation of multiple types of muteness would be a dream come true for me and other nonspeaking people, who have so little representation that it's sad. Explore and learn! Branch out and learn about nonspeaking people and our struggles. Normalize our conditions by familiarizing yourself with them. The less incidents we have of people calling JJ "useless" because he doesn't talk, the better.

[everythingwritingg]

Writing Insomnia

@everything.writing on IG

I am currently struggling with insomnia as I write this in the middle of a late night content creating session. Insomnia absolutely sucks and can ruin your life, but anyway, let’s move on before this turns on to a giant rant about my sleep issues.

Insomnia can be one-time or chronic. I’m sure we had one night when we just couldn’t sleep, maybe the night before a really important project or getting back from an international flight. But people who struggle with chronic insomnia have trouble sleeping most nights for months or even years. One night of bad sleep may not do permanent damage, but lack of sleep can cause many health issues down the line over the long term.

Effects of sleep deprivation include:  inability to focus, impaired judgement, mood changes, high blood pressure, hormonal imbalances, heart disease, obesity, weakened immune system, and declining cognitive health. Basically, lack of sleep is bad for you. So sleep.

How can you spot insomnia? If someone is yawning frequently, that’s a sign of insomnia but it’s not the only symptom. People will generally be irritated and may be more accident-prone or clumsy. Their academic and athletic performance will also decline. In addition, a lot of people with insomnia are grumpy from not being able to sleep well and some will have brain fog.

What does your character do when they can’t sleep? Some people will use their phone all night or turn on a movie on sleepless nights. Others will attempt to sleep, using different tactics such as meditation and white noise machines without much avail. A lot of people will try to catch up on work or school during their sleepless nights. I’ve also known a girl with insomnia that just stares at the ceiling for the entire night.

Why does your character have insomnia? Inability to sleep can be caused by many factors, but mental health is a main cause for people with insomnia. People with depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses may have trouble falling asleep due to the racing thoughts. Other people may have insomnia because of physical illnesses like chronic pain or some medications. Sleep disorders like sleep apnea can often go hand-in-hand with insomnia as a main symptom. Some other reasons are genetics and caffeine intake.

What does your character do to try and treat it? Usually, people with insomnia try to do things to treat it. The strategies they use may or may not help. Some strategies people use are white noise machines, meditation, or melatonin or sleeping pills. Personally, sometimes I just deprive myself of sleep so I sleep better the next night. (not healthy).

Some nights will be worse than others. People with insomnia may have good and bad nights. No one stays up all day every day without sleeping for years on end, I don’t think anyone has stayed up more than 11 days. Instead, people will sleep a few hours each day, or maybe have a few rare nights of enough sleep.

Show how insomnia makes the character’s lives miserable. Insomnia fucking sucks. Like you’re staring at the ceiling at 3 AM still awake and having to get up in two hours. At this point, you’ve watched 80 different YouTube videos. You’re angry at yourself for not being able to go to sleep. Then when your alarm finally goes off, you’re still tired. And the whole day goes by in a blur as you try to concentrate on school or work but just can’t. You try to nap in the afternoon but you’re still so tired, yet can’t turn off your racing mind. Then when you go to bed again, it’s the same fucking cycle.  Insomnia is tiring, in more ways than one.

Research. This is such a common issue that you either suffer with it yourself or you know others who do. It’s not too hard to find personal experiences of insomnia. If you’re struggling, you can just browse r/insomnia for real-life experiences of people who have the condition. But the main takeaway is that chronic insomnia is so much different from one bad night of sleep.

So there it is. This was pretty much me ranting about my insomnia and an informational post about the importance of getting good sleep. But I felt like this post needed to be out there, since I haven’t read a lot of books about it. I hope this helps someone, and I hope anyone struggling with insomnia can get the help they need.

[lindwurmkai]

you know ... i've made a fool of myself on the internet quite a few times in my life. i've said some pretty bizarre things, some of which went way beyond simple "brain farts" and in fact may have been signs of serious mental issues.

to name some examples of shit my brain has done:

experienced something akin to age regression complete with temporarily lacking knowledge and skills i normally possess. sometimes the missing knowledge was replaced with alternate "facts" that were straight-up wrong, yet for the duration of this state (usually just one day), i was convinced i was making sense.

badly misinterpreted someone's words because they tripped a trauma trigger and i was only self-aware enough to recognise that my emotions were disproportionate, but not that my judgement was impaired.

leaps in logic and outlandish claims that seemed reasonable to me at the time, but a week or a month later, i began to feel like i must have been on the verge of psychosis to come up with such nonsense. (does anyone remember "people in the past didn't experience sexual attraction the way we do because they wore different clothes"?????)

and that's in addition to regular brain fog, sleep deprivation logic, taking things too literally because i'm autistic, or simply ... being wrong. for normal reasons.

but every time there is an "abnormal" reason, i find myself hoping that anyone who witnessed it understands i wasn't just being stupid. because even in this day and age, too many people still look down on stupidity as if it were a choice. for a while it got a little better on the internet, at least in my circles, but then we experienced a great renaissance of "focusing on language distracts from the real issues" logic and suddenly no one cared anymore. even though it was never about the exact language used, but about the underlying devaluation of people with low IQs and anyone else perceived as stupid.

so i catch myself thinking, "it wasn't stupidity. i was triggered. i hope they understand that and don't unfollow me for being stupid." but that's shitty of me, too, isn't it? i am not better than people with intellectual disabilities or brain damage because my "stupidity" is more transient. it's not an expression of my personal opinion though, it's an expression of what i fear other people may think. and i will never be able to shake that fear as long as people keep complaining about stupidity like it's a moral failing.

there is immense privilege in my ability to look back on these episodes and recognise them as temporary. is someone who would look down on people who are permanently like that really my friend, though?

if you can't handle me at my "making no fucking sense", you don't deserve me at my "flash of brilliance during hyperfocus" tbh.

[sallow-graves]

PINNED |

My Hogwarts Legacy OC/MC, Eden! More information below:

GENERAL INFO.

FULL NAME: Eden Elysium Meeble

NICKNAME(S): E, Little Meeble, Dear Meeble, Spawn

GENDER: Cis male

SEXUALITY: Gay and polyamorous

AGE: 15

HEIGHT: 5’7”

NATIONALITY: English

BLOOD-STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE: Slytherin

WAND: Yew wood, Unicorn Hair Core

PET: Gardenia, Spectacled Owl

PATRONUS: Beveren Rabbit

BOGGART: Mother’s corpse

AMORTENIA: Fresh honeysuckle, clean linens, spilled ink

FAMILY TREE

BACKSTORY

Eden was the youngest of four children, his father the eldest heir to the ever dwindling Pureblood Slytherin House, Meeble. When Eden was seven, his father snapped amidst a quiet night in the parlor, and began killing his own children, hurling unforgivable curses at them. Eden’s mother was able to incapacitate him using a freezing charm, but not before she could save three of her children. Eden was badly harmed, and hospitalized immediately as his father was brought before the Ministry, then to Azkaban. Though he was conscious through his hospitalization, Eden was too young and too traumatized to understand or remember what curse his father used on him. As he got older, he became well enough to go home, under monitoring from house call nurses. Something about the incident caused severe damage to his brain, which could not be properly healed with magic, due to the brain’s intricacies. When he was eleven, he was well enough to spend time with his mother, but he displayed no signs of magic, so she believed him to be a squib. Eden’s paternal family, House Meeble, completely exiled the two of them after what his father did, not wanting to have that evil brought into their home. Aside from the wealth his father had already shared with them before his imprisonment, their family wanted nothing to do with Eden or his mother. He grew up closer with his mother’s side of the family anyway, another small Pureblood house with less strict rules and better morals. Less bigoted and more accepting. Despite some scarring, and his amblyopia, Eden got better through his early teens, and by the time he was fourteen had begun to display more magic, which he couldn’t harness before in a sick/cursed state. Hogwarts willingly accepted him, even though he would have to start as a fifth year, and Eden is trying very desperately to catch up to his classmates.

MORE STUFF

Eden has amblyopia in both eyes, which is permanent damage to the muscles surrounding his eye sockets, resulting in a bit of a delay between the movement of his corneas. He can still see just fine, but both eyes are considered lazy eyes, and it is very rare for them to move in complete sync

His oldest sibling, Avalonian, was a 2nd year Slytherin when he was murdered. It’s been long enough that the students won’t bother him about it, but the professors all remember his brother and pity him a lot despite his tendency to act out and break rules and learn dark magic

Eden has two cousins that attend Hogwarts the same time as him, Onie Lyre (A 5th year Ravenclaw from his mother’s side of the family), whom he grew up with and loves very dearly. And Paradisia Meeble (6th year Slytherin from his father’s side) whom he has never spoken to. Even before the exile, the Meebles did not like Eden’s part of the family because they were not blood-purists.

Eden’s mother and Onie’s mother, and Eden’s father and Paradisia’s father are identical twins. Eden and Paradisia look very similar to each other, but Onie looks nothing like Eden because of her own father.

He is VERY gay. Possibly the gayest character I’ve ever created. Everything about him is gay. If you close your eyes and imagine the human personification of gay, you will see Eden. He is gay

He’s very dainty, and thin. He takes a lot of pride in presenting himself as clean and neat (usually in full suits beneath his robes) because of his years stuck in the hospital

He does not have any interest in showing off or boasting whatsoever. His motives can be a bit revengey but he is typically into schemes for the long haul. He hates having attention on him or when professors call on him in class

His favorite classes are Beasts and Herbology, because he likes to work quietly and care for living things. It makes him feel more in control, when so much of his life was controlled by his disabilities

He’s autistic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! emphasis emphasis emphasis

Somewhere down the line the Meeble family is Scottish but it’s distant

Eden’s full story, including his romance with Sebastian and Ominis, is updated every few weeks on AO3.

[bobbie-robron]

Robron Fanfiction Recommendations (Jun-2023)

The below were recommended during June 2023 on Twitter. Enjoy!

Signed, Sealed, Delivered (2018) 13.4K words, thesnowyswan

CEO Robert is looking to acquire land for a new ‘this one is gold’ development in his home village that is held in trust by a board of directors which he is a part of. The problem is Aaron is now representing his family on that board and Robert is not his favorite person by a long shot. In order to get Aaron to sign the contract for the land, Robert decides to use his sexual wiles to coax him around by the deadline. Okay, fine, but Aaron has three rules that need to be followed. If any are broken then that’s it. But what happens if you break the rules because real feelings get in the way?

Endless (2018) 15.3K words, makoto4

Robert and Aaron have finally got married. But it’s days later and after suffering two seizures, Robert has permanent brain damage to his long term memory with little, to no hope, of it ever returning. All those around them are strangers to him including his husband, which he refers to as Mr. Dingle, as well as his families. As Robert tries to figure out who this new clean slate version of him is, he begins to reconnect with both Aaron and Liv as well as forming a new closeness to Chas. But the real test will be whether Aaron himself can accept Robert as he is now or mourn the husband and man he’s known for years as gone forever…

You put that magic in my bones series (2017) 23.7K words, wafflesofdoom

A two part series. After a decade, Robert has come home to take over as head of his magical family. The usual suspects are upset over his return especially Katie since Andy is currently head of the Sugdens. No matter, he’s there and his magic is so strong that his siblings accept his new status. Then there’s Aaron that Robert senses has strong powers but refuses to use or even acknowledge them. That doesn’t stop them from getting involved even with the colored history from his childhood/teen years. The follow up has Aaron having disturbing nightmares he can’t remember that leads to a disturbing figure from his past trying to re-enter his life.

I Can’t Bear To Let You Go (2016) 14.8K words, DirtyLilGreaseMonkey

After months of putting himself back together and the vile one dealt with, it’s time for Aaron to stop staying at Keeper’s Cottage with Robert and move back in to the pub and return to work at the scrapyard. The closeness that grew between Robert and Aaron over the months now seems strained and they don’t know how to be around each other. Robert wants to take Aaron out on an official first date but is unsure if Aaron’s feelings have changed for him. Does he still hate him? Is mates all they’ll ever be? Is it a total lost cause or is that date Robert so desperately wants gonna happen?

An Affair to Remember (2017), 38.5K words, lullabelle_moon

As we open, Aaron’s boyfriend has proposed to him in the middle of the busy pub and he accepts. The thing is, instead of feeling happy and excited, Aaron feels empty. Enter Robert who has just returned to the village after his divorce to start over. Aaron takes it upon himself to become Robert’s mate which doesn’t sit well with the fiancé, Rick. As time passes, feelings build but since Aaron is engaged and Robert is apparently straight, they don’t act on it… that is, until they can no longer help themselves. Will Aaron continue his plans to marry Rick or choose the man that he dreams about being his… Robert?

Tooth and nail (2016) 4.9K words, craystiel

Aaron’s bottling it and Robert has no idea what is wrong and what he did or didn’t do as Aaron isn’t talking. Instead Aaron runs off to Adam’s. That leaves Robert (and Liv) wondering what the problem may be and the only way to get to the bottom of it is fight for their relationship.

The Primary Colours (2018-2019), 143.3K words, softlyspoken

After nabbing a baddie called Simon, Robert is assigned to go undercover with DCI Nicola King to track down a man called Aaron Dingle, who’s on the run with his stepson. Aaron may have witnessed a murder over a drug exchange and it’s up to Robert to find and convince him to testify against Simon. When circumstances change for Nicola at the last minute, it’s down to Robert to go in as the new teacher at the school, a school filled with nerve wrecking ‘young people’/six year olds to oversea but there is that teacher with the bright blue eyes he sees on his first day by the name of Liam Livesy who he soon learns swings his way. Still, the priority is locating Aaron and he may be closer than Robert thinks…

[electricbluebutterflies]

(Last one I promise) 7. Shower/tub sex for Garcy?

I have a personal aversion to wall sex but uh here we are. NSFW, usual-post-canon-divergence, also on ao3.

She doesn’t want to be alone. She doesn’t want anything, really.

It’s one of the bad nights, the ones where Lucy has to remind herself that trauma is not a competition and if it was she sure as hell wouldn’t be winning but oh her brain is a knot sometimes. She has had unfortunate experiences and handled them badly but without permanent destruction, and sometimes her subconscious puts that on a loop and if there is one good thing about these nights it is that she is very, very good at distracting herself.

Wine is good. Her environment does not allow her to be picky, and she would not have described herself as a snob before that either, and multiple glasses of she didn’t care to even glance at the label but it’s a nice deep red are at least enough to turn down the volume on her emotions. Not off, never completely off, but lower. Realistic goals, always.

The next step, because these episodes are at least kind enough to happen to her in the middle of the night when she’s supposed to be trying to sleep, is to take full advantage of the current state of the water heater.

Lucy is still getting used to the nuances of living in a group situation, but she’s learned that middle-of-the-night showers are ideal if one is prone to crying at random, prefers water just below boiling, or so often both. The usual lack of privacy can be ignored, the broken lock on the door can be ignored, the worst-of-midcentury-décor environment around her can be ignored given her current lack of sobriety…

There is nothing in the world but her body, the water falling around her, and that pretty-scented soap Jiya hasn’t noticed someone else has been using (or more likely just hasn’t said anything about because she’s a good person but that is a problem for sober daylight Lucy). This is fine. This is going to be fine. This is-

Lucy is considering how she feels about a half-hearted attempt at getting herself off, the various details of her night making that seem like a possible fun idea and a little exploration of her body would be distraction enough right now, when she is reminded that the door does not lock.

Like, someone tried to fix it. Multiple people presumably tried to fix it. Lucy was not one of them nor was she masochistic enough to watch the attempts but none of them worked. And this is merely the only bathroom in the current safehouse that has a functional shower; there’s another closet-type downstairs, perfectly useable, and running water isn’t that easy to ignore no matter how half-asleep someone is, and-

She does not expect someone to slightly open the shower curtain for just long enough for her to process who the other person is, then immediately recoil.

“Oh good, you’re not drowning.”

It is the middle of the goddamn night, Lucy would like to point out. It is the middle of the night and far from the first time other people have seen parts of her body that she would rather they didn’t. The astonishing lack of boundaries is… actually not that astonishing, now that she thinks about it.

“Why would you assume I am?” she counters, peeking out from around the curtain. If the angle gives a little too much of a view of her breasts, well… her hand was between her thighs thirty seconds ago, far more boundaries have been crossed here.

“Heard water, it’s late…”

She wonders sometimes if there is any cycle to Flynn’s utter lack of anything resembling tact or damage control. She’s pieced together enough of the eclectic life that made him and found no explanation, and to make it worse he remains unpredictable. Several years in his orbit and she can’t even find warning signs most of the time, let alone-

“Normal people knock.”

For a moment she tries to figure if they’ve now officially fought in every room of the safehouse, and… no, she’s pretty sure she tried to dig a bullet out of his shoulder up here a month or two ago since he’s the only person he’ll let touch her even though she’s a terrible field medic, they checked off that list already, they-

“I’m allowed to worry about you.”

Normally this would piss her off even further. Normally this would be the point where she’d start yelling. But the walls are thin, and Lucy’s general state of done-with-everything does not make her want to be a terrible person, and instead she does the best thing she can think of and yanks him down for the most bitey first kiss she’s ever had with someone.

She’s thought about this for years, she’ll justify later. Right now what matters is it’s hot. Right now what matters is he’s going with it, almost growling, and-

“What are you doing?” he half-growls against her mouth.

“Feels right.” Blame the wine, blame tiredness, blame her need to forget, she doesn’t care, she wants.

She half expects this too will escalate, but instead he takes another kiss and it’s like something breaks, like the inevitability of them that has built up for years has finally ended, like-

“How are we doing this?”

The water is still running. There is still conditioner in her hair. She is in no mood to compromise.

“Join me.”

This is probably a bad idea, Lucy thinks as she watches her would-be partner undress, but then again any version of their collision would seem like a bad idea at some point. If she’s going to screw someone twice her size, as she is apparently very determined to do, why not do it against a tile wall. And none of what she’s seeing right now is new, but it’s different to see skin for the sake of seeing skin as opposed to not trusting him not to lie about not-actually-minor-goddammit injuries, and-

This is happening, she thinks as he slips into the space and eyes the minimal options for how to do it. This is finally happening.

This is not by any means the first time this man has pinned her to a wall either, and… she’s into it, she can admit that. There’s a certain way in which he makes her feel small that she has learned to like as their relationship has evolved into something that could be described as such, a protective warmth to his self-awareness. This is a man who is more than willing to use his body as a shield, and the contrast between warm skin and cold wall is delightful as he lifts her up, as she is reminded how easy all of this is and oh if this is the life ahead of her she will be happy, if-

It's a weird way to have a first physical encounter with someone, she thinks as his body collides with hers, but they were never going to do any of this like normal people. She’s known that, on some level, since the first time she met him. She suspects he’s known the same.

Everything is in her favor. Her legs wrap around his hips and she wants, she wants so many things and for once she is fearless about it, and this is them now. This is them with one of his hands reaching out to change the angle of the showerhead in a way she did not know it could point, allowing her original purpose and her redirected night at the same time. She knows he does not do things halfway and she can’t imagine he’s ever had a one-night-stand in his life – there are questions she has not sought answers to – and in however many days or weeks she imagines they will have a different experience (hopefully) laid out on a bed. Or maybe a couch. Or…

For now, this is hot. For now, this is enough.

She doesn’t fall apart. She’s not sure her body could right now. But she feels nice, the emotional release of being fucked well by someone who does want her and oh she hates that she knows so well what it feels like when a partner doesn’t, and she feels warm enough when he bites her shoulder as he finishes. She’ll seek repayment some other time, she decides, when she’s in condition to receive it.

“You alright?” he asks as he maneuvers her again.

“I’ll check for bruises in the morning,” she mutters, and she has suspicions and she doesn’t mind. “Otherwise…”

“We will talk, yes?”

“Morning.”

She’s in no state for it now, she thinks as his hands start dealing with her hair. But she will be. They will be.

[merveiilles]

⋆˚  ✧. ┊┊ AUGUSTUS.BIDLOW;; post series

// Canonically Augie only has a broken rib and a bleeding ear in episode 6's chaos- injuries stated by Augie himself in episode 7. I still stand by the fact that a bleeding ear usually means... with a quick bit of looking up... "If your ears bleed after an accident or blow to the head, you may have a life-threatening injury.""Ear bleeding after a head injury can indicate a potentially fatal problem.""A hit, fall, or accident can cause a head injury that can lead to bleeding from the ear. This could be a sign of bleeding around the brain, so you should seek emergency medical attention." for a few episodes after episode 6, Augie is suffering headaches- mostly because of the Galanthi. But also i hc-- HEAD TRAUMA!

No wonder the man is acting so unstable from episodes 7-12. ie, outbursts of aggression, being reckless, murder, being two-faced, a negative sort of confidence-- "People who have a moderate or severe traumatic brain injury (TBI) may have changes in their behavior. People with a TBI and their families encounter some common behaviors: Problems managing emotions. People with a TBI may have a sudden change in mood; they also may have an extreme emotional response to a situation." Man is so unhinged from 7-12 Man just has a fucking brain injury and it goes (assumingly) untreated and he just fucking spirals out of control. (Or he just got to heratio- the doctor with healing powers- too late before more permanent damage took a toll.) But no, long story short. My man had a brain injury, he now suffers from a bit of hearing loss in his right ear- haven't decided fully or just partially, he gets vertigo a lot (meee, I do too!) maybe some ringing ears every now and then, and we'll sprinkle some memory problems and hypersensitivity to loud noises- maybe some pt.sd in there for fun.

My dude is never the same again. literally.

[earthterri]

Treatment for amnesia

To diagnose amnesia, a doctor will do a comprehensive evaluation to rule out other possible causes of memory loss, such as Alzheimer's disease, other forms of dementia, depression or a brain tumor. In this disorder, a person may lose personal memories and autobiographical information, but usually only briefly. Mild head injuries typically do not cause lasting amnesia, but more-severe head injuries may cause permanent amnesia.Īnother rare type of amnesia, called dissociative (psychogenic) amnesia, stems from emotional shock or trauma, such as being the victim of a violent crime. This is especially common in the early stages of recovery. Head injuries that cause a concussion, whether from a car accident or sports, can lead to confusion and problems remembering new information. Certain medications, such as benzodiazepines or other medications that act as sedatives.Degenerative brain diseases, such as Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia.Tumors in areas of the brain that control memory.Long-term alcohol abuse leading to thiamin (vitamin B-1) deficiency (Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome).Lack of adequate oxygen in the brain, for example, from a heart attack, respiratory distress or carbon monoxide poisoning.Brain inflammation (encephalitis) as a result of an infection with a virus such as herpes simplex virus, as an autoimmune reaction to cancer somewhere else in the body (paraneoplastic limbic encephalitis), or as an autoimmune reaction in the absence of cancer.Possible causes of neurological amnesia include: These structures include the thalamus, which lies deep within the center of your brain, and the hippocampal formations, which are situated within the temporal lobes of your brain.Īmnesia caused by brain injury or damage is known as neurological amnesia. Any disease or injury that affects the brain can interfere with memory.Īmnesia can result from damage to brain structures that form the limbic system, which controls your emotions and memories. Normal memory function involves many parts of the brain. If someone you know has symptoms of amnesia, help the person get medical attention. False memories (confabulation), either completely invented or made up of genuine memories misplaced in timeĪnyone who experiences unexplained memory loss, head injury, confusion or disorientation requires immediate medical attention.Ī person with amnesia may not be able to identify his or her location or have the presence of mind to seek medical care.Additional signs and symptomsĭepending on the cause of the amnesia, other signs and symptoms may include: Dementia often includes memory loss, but it also involves other significant cognitive problems that lead to a decline in daily functioning.Ī pattern of forgetfulness is also a common symptom of mild cognitive impairment (MCI), but the memory and other cognitive problems in MCI aren't as severe as those experienced in dementia. They may understand they have a memory disorder.Īmnesia isn't the same as dementia. People with amnesia usually can understand written and spoken words and can learn skills such as bike riding or piano playing. Isolated memory loss doesn't affect a person's intelligence, general knowledge, awareness, attention span, judgment, personality or identity. Someone may recall experiences from childhood or know the names of past presidents, but not be able to name the current president, know what month it is or remember what was for breakfast. Recent memories are most likely to be lost, while more remote or deeply ingrained memories may be spared. Most people with amnesia have problems with short-term memory - they can't retain new information. Difficulty remembering past events and previously familiar information (retrograde amnesia).Difficulty learning new information following the onset of amnesia (anterograde amnesia).Regional Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (RNICU).Hospitalists & Internal Medicine Physicians.

[eyecareservice]

Experiencing Flashes In Your Vision? These Might Be Symptoms of Retinal Detachment.

Occasional threads, flecks, or dark spots drifting across your vision are not usually a cause of concern. However, sudden or excessive eye floaters, light flashes, and darkening side vision require medical attention. These might be the symptoms of retinal detachment, a painless but severe eye condition affecting your retina that detaches from the tissues that support it. The retina is the layer of tissue at the back of your eye that senses light and sends signals to your brain to view things. When it pulls away from the supporting tissues, the blood vessels that carry nutrients and oxygen to your retina are severely damaged.

People suffering from retinal detachment experience a negative effect on their vision. Therefore, they require immediate medical treatment, as untreated cases may lead to blindness. Let's learn more about the risk factors of retinal detachment, its signs, treatment, and more.

How do I know if I'm experiencing retinal detachment?

Symptoms of retinal detachment can occur abruptly and include:

Photopsia (Seeing flashes of light)

Seeing excessive floaters like flecks, threads, lines, and dark spots (happens due to clumping of the vitreous gel inside your eye)

Darkening of your side (peripheral) vision

Blurred vision

Darkening or a shadow covering a part of your normal vision

What are the risk factors associated with retinal detachment?

There are certain risk factors for retinal detachment, including:

Aging 

Severe eye injury

Having a family history of retinal detachment

High myopia (severe nearsightedness)

Previous cataract surgery

History of retinal tears 

Certain eye disorders like posterior vitreous detachment or diabetes-related retinopathy 

Can retinal detachment lead to permanent vision loss?

Retinal detachment is a serious medical condition that requires immediate attention. Damage to the retina usually requires surgical intervention since, if left untreated, it can negatively impact your vision or even lead to permanent vision loss. It is essential to get regular eye checkups to assess your retina. If you have an increased risk or are suffering from retinal detachment, you should get checkups more frequently. Checkups will help your eye specialist properly assess and treat retinal detachment. 

Will retinal detachment heal on its own?

A retinal detachment may heal without intervention. However, it cannot repair and reattach itself. Treatment for retinal detachment includes:

Pneumatic Retinopexy

This option is effective for small and easy-to-close tears.

Your doctor will inject a small gas bubble into the eye, which presses against the retina, closing the tear.

A laser or cryopexy device will be used to seal the tear.

Your body will absorb the fluid that is collected under your retina.

The retina will be able to stick to your eye the way that it should.

Scleral Buckle 

Your eye specialist will sew a silicon band (buckle) around the sclera (white part of your eye).

The band is invisible and permanently reattaches the retina.

Vitrectomy

This surgical procedure is the most preferred choice, with an 80-90% success rate, and helps repair large and severe retinal tears or detachments.

Your doctor will remove the vitreous gel and replace it with a gas bubble or oil, pushing the retina back into place. 

If you notice any sudden vision change or symptoms of retinal detachment, visit your eye specialist immediately. Delaying treatment for retinal detachment may lead to permanent vision loss.  

Read Also: https://www.netralayam.com/blog/retinal-detachment

Are there any alternative therapies that may help with retinal detachment?

Laser photocoagulation and cryotherapy are the two alternative therapies for retinal detachment. Both are minimally invasive procedures that can be used alone or in conjunction with surgery for complete treatment. 

Laser Photocoagulation 

A beam of light is emitted from the laser machine, which burns the area around the retinal tear or detachment to create a scar. 

This scar helps sear the tear or reattach a detached portion of the retina. 

Cryotherapy

This procedure uses cold therapy over the tear through a freezing probe.

A scar tissue is formed as the area is frozen, which seals the tear. 

Conclusion 

Retinal detachment is a severe yet painless medical condition. If you notice any signs of retinal detachment, like a sudden increase in eye floaters, light flashes, or darkening of your vision, get medical care right away. Consult your eye specialist, who may recommend some kind of eye surgery or minimally invasive non-surgical procedure to fix a detached retina. Delaying getting treatment can significantly damage your retina, leading to permanent vision loss. 

FAQs

How often should you have an eye exam?You are advised to get an eye checkup every once in two years. However, you may need checkups more frequently if you have a higher risk of eye diseases. 

Which is the best treatment for retinal detachment?Laser photocoagulation is considered the best treatment for retinal detachment since it is minimally invasive and safe, with a high success rate. 

Get Personalised Eye Care At Netralayam!

Seeking treatment for cataracts, retinal detachment, or any other eye-related concerns? Our team of skilled specialists in Kolkata is here to help. Our renowned eye care centre is committed to providing comprehensive solutions using advanced technology at affordable prices.

Don't delay, schedule your consultation with Netralayam today for expert care and peace of mind!

[harrison-abbott]

6 x 20

The architect was in an accident on-site. He had visited the construction grounds dressed in his suit. And a tool fell off the scaffolding and whacked him in the head, and though the tool wasn’t that large it had fallen from quite a distance and it knocked him out. The workmen should have taken him to the hospital, umm, called for an ambulance right away. But for some reason they didn’t. Maybe it was that macho vibe that they all felt they had to have: that it was better to take him into the shade, out of the belting sun, and sit him up and wait for him to wake up. He did, wake up, eventually … having no clue where he was. They asked him if he was all right. The architect tried to stand up and then he fell over again. So one of the workmen took him home in his car, whilst the architect’s car stayed on the site. And the architect went to sleep in his house. His wife was there. She mothered him, took him upstairs. When he woke up five hours later he was still a bit befuddled but still alive. … He went back to the site the next day. To get his car back – so he took the subway along. Hadn’t used the subway in about four years. When he got to the site all the workmen were concerned about him. Interested, rather. Which was strange because they’d barely been intrigued with him before the accident. Perhaps they were afraid that he might be angry about how the tool fell off the scaffolding ledge. That they might be in trouble. … But the architect stayed. He thanked them for helping him out. And advised them to keep up their good work. And he got his car and drove home. … His head still hurt. And it did for several days. So he didn’t work at home for the rest of the week. Then it got to the weekend. And he had to look over some of the paperwork related to the project at the site. … He printed off the paperwork and he looked over it and tried to concentrate on the measurements and dimensions. As he usually would. The numbers blurred in his head. His entire life, he’d been suave with numbers. But when he looked at them now, they got all jumbled up in his eyes. It was as if they were moving in different places when he observed the digits. This scared him. Because it had never happened before. So he stopped the session. Thought he would take a break for the afternoon. … The same thing occurred when he tried again in the evening. The numbers whirled and swapped. This made him quite frantic. Like if an author forgot how to read words, or deal with words. He panicked. … So the next week he took a trip to the doctor about it. And explained what the situation was. The doctor asked him to do simple sums. There in the room. “What is 6 x 20?” “What is 82 = 24?” And so on. The architect began to sweat when he couldn’t answer the questions. … So he was sent for a scan. To see if he had any brain damage from the accident. … The results were inconclusive. There was no physical damage, in a foreboding sense. No scan signs that bespoke of permanent damage. And so he was cleared for the time being, and advised to come back in six months. … To this day, the architect cannot work basically with maths. When he goes to the shop it’s tricky for him to add up the sum of his groceries, and he gets confused when he has to pay for them. The clerks blink at him. Not being aware of his condition. And, well, he can’t really work as an architect anymore. … All because of that one stupid man who left his tools dangerously near the edge of the scaffold ledge.

[emirateshearingcare2]

Why Are My Ears Ringing?

At some point, you have probably had ringing in one or both of your ears. Ringing in the ears is sometimes a signal that you need to pay attention to your body. If you hear this ringing more often, you know how distracting and bothersome it can be. You should also know that it’s distinctly different from the random phantom sounds you hear when standing up too fast or while dealing with a headache. While often it’s not something to worry about, let us have a look at the most common causes of it.

 

One reason for why your ears ring is due to tinnitus. Tinnitus, the continuous sound in one or both of your ears, starts in the inner ear either due to damage or to loss of the sensory hair cells found in the cochlea. It can be present in many different ways, including sounds like buzzing, hissing, clicking, or whooshing. It is usually associated with hearing loss. Hearing a continuous ringing in the ears is usually a side effect of hearing loss and is typically an early indication of it. The resulting ringing you may hear doesn’t happen in your ears. It happens in your brain. It might come and go, and some people find it worse at night.

 

Hearing loss usually reduces the ability of the brain to interpret the sounds. Because tinnitus changes the input to your brain, your brain starts to misinterpret what is there, resulting in the perception of other sounds. It tries to make up for the hearing loss by increasing the activity in the nerve cells responsible for high-pitched sounds, and this causes you to hear the sounds that are not there.

 

If you are experiencing tinnitus, pinpointing the cause helps in stopping it. Here are some of the reasons why people have ringing in their ears and what triggers it.

 

1.   Ear infections are the common causes of tinnitus. There are different types of ear infections, but middle ear infections (otitis media) and inner ear infections are more likely to cause ear ringing.  Bacteria and viruses can also damage the hair cells of the ear, causing ear ringing.

 

2.   Loud noises damage the hair cells and lead to tinnitus. Repeated exposure to loud noises, whether from listening to loud music or noise related to your job, can sometimes lead to permanent hearing loss. Tinnitus is a warning sign that the noise around you is too loud and will harm your ears.

 

3.   Ear wax might lead to ear ringing. Any object stuck in your ear starts to push against your eardrum and irritates the hair cells.

 

4.   Neck and head injuries change the way your brain processes sound. Some people experience tinnitus after one of these injuries because they damage the auditory nerves, which connect the hair cells to the brain. That’s why ear ringing takes place.

 

5.   The side effects of some medications could also lead to ear ringing. Taking high doses of high blood pressure medications and certain antibiotics can cause tinnitus.

If you develop ringing in the ears, make sure to review the medication list you are using with your healthcare provider to see if any of these medications might be the cause. 

 

6.   A change to your blood pressure, caused by pregnancy, exercise, or hypertension, may indicate you have pulsatile tinnitus. This means when you hear a rhythmic or pulsing noise that syncs with your heartbeats.

 

There is no cure for tinnitus, but there are ways and methods that help to reduce the triggers and cope with all the irritation and discomfort it can cause.

[borneonashiksblog]

Meconium Aspiration Syndrome

What Is Meconium Aspiration Syndrome?

Meconium Aspiration Syndrome (MAS) is a serious medical condition that affects newborns. It occurs when a baby inhales meconium, the thick, sticky greenish-black substance that is normally passed from the bowels of the fetus during delivery. Inhaling meconium can lead to breathing difficulties, lung inflammation and infection in newborn babies. If left untreated, MAS can cause permanent damage to the lungs or even death. Early diagnosis and treatment are essential for preventing long-term complications and improving outcomes for babies with MAS.

Understanding the Risk Factors and Symptoms of Meconium Aspiration Syndrome-

Several risk factors have been identified that increase the chances of a newborn developing MAS. These include prolonged labor, premature birth, infection in the mother during pregnancy, maternal smoking or drug use during pregnancy and insufficient oxygen supply to the fetus before or during delivery. Some of the other most common risk factors include maternal diabetes, maternal drug use during pregnancy, and fetal distress. Additionally, infants born by cesarean section may also be at higher risk for developing MAS due to their inability to clear meconium from their lungs before delivery. It is important for parents and healthcare professionals to be aware of these risk factors in order to take preventive measures and ensure that infants are delivered safely.

Symptoms of MAS may include-

Cyanosis (blue skin color)- One of the most common symptoms of MAS is cyanosis, a bluish discoloration of the skin due to inadequate oxygen supply in the body.

It can cause low Apgar scores at birth, which are used to assess the baby’s health. MAS can lead to serious health complications such as respiratory distress, pneumonia, and even death if not treated promptly. The process of diagnosing MAS involves looking for signs of meconium in the amniotic fluid and assessing the baby’s Apgar score at birth. If these signs are present, then further tests such as chest x-rays or blood tests may be needed to confirm diagnosis

Other symptoms include rapid breathing, difficulty breathing, coughing up meconium-stained amniotic fluid, and low blood pressure, rapid breathing or difficulty breathing, coughing or choking during delivery, low oxygen levels in the blood (hypoxemia), and low Apgar scores at birth. If any of these signs are present in a newborn baby it is important to seek medical attention immediately as this could be an indication of MAS. If left untreated, MAS can lead to severe complications such as pneumonia or brain damage.

Diagnosis and Treatment Options for Meconium aspiration syndrome-

Meconium Aspiration Syndrome (MAS) is a serious condition affecting newborns when they inhale meconium-stained amniotic fluid during labor and delivery. It can cause severe respiratory distress, which can be life-threatening if not treated quickly. The diagnosis and treatment of MAS requires careful attention to the newborn's symptoms and medical history. Diagnosis usually begins with a physical examination, followed by tests such as chest X-rays or CT scans to look for signs of meconium in the lungs.

Oxygen therapy is typically used as the primary treatment for MAS-Oxygen therapy is one of the most important treatments for MAS, as it helps to reduce the level of oxygen in the blood and improve breathing. Oxygen therapy can be used in combination with other treatments, such as antibiotics and mechanical ventilation, to help treat this serious condition. Oxygen therapy helps to increase oxygen levels in the blood and reduce inflammation in the lungs, thus improving breathing and reducing respiratory distress. Additionally, it helps to flush out any meconium that may still be present in the airways.

Surfactant therapy has become an important treatment for MAS over the past few decades as it helps reduce inflammation in the lungs and improve oxygenation. Surfactant therapy involves administering a surfactant, a substance that reduces surface tension in the alveoli of the lungs, to help keep them open and allow for easier breathing. This therapy has been shown to be effective in reducing mortality rates associated with MAS and improving outcomes for affected infants.

Complications Associated with MAS and How to Manage & Prevent Them-

Meconium aspiration syndrome (MAS) is a condition that occurs when a newborn inhales meconium, the first stool passed after birth. It can cause serious respiratory complications, including respiratory distress syndrome and pulmonary hypertension in newborns.

MAS can be life-threatening for newborns if not managed properly. The most common signs of fetal distress associated with MAS are rapid breathing, grunting, and cyanosis. To manage and prevent MAS-related complications, medical professionals must identify the symptoms of MAS early on and provide appropriate treatment as soon as possible. This includes providing oxygen therapy to help with breathing difficulties and administering antibiotics to reduce the risk of infection. Additionally, preventive measures such as proper prenatal care can help reduce the risk of MAS in newborns.

The Impact of Meconium Aspiration Syndrome on Families & Caregivers-

The long-term effects of MAS on an infant can be devastating for families and caregivers, as the syndrome can cause significant health issues that may last for years. It is important to understand the potential impact of MAS on an infant's health in order to provide adequate care and support to those affected by this condition.

The impact of MAS on families and caregivers can be significant. The long-term effects of MAS on an infant's health may require extra care and attention from parents and other family members. Emotional support and palliative care is required along with the treatment of MAS. Hospitals play an important role in helping families cope with this condition by providing specialized care for infants with MAS as well as support services for their families.

[nursingscience]

John Korsah, Lab scientist, Ghana - Accra

TYPES OF STROKE AND THEIR TREATMENT

A stroke is a serious medical condition that occurs when the blood flow to the brain is interrupted, causing brain cells to die.

There are three main types of stroke: ischemic, hemorrhagic, and transient ischemic attack (TIA). Each type has different causes, symptoms, and treatments.

An ischemic stroke is the most common type of stroke, accounting for 87% of all strokes¹. It happens when a blood clot blocks a blood vessel in the brain, preventing blood from reaching the affected area. The blood clot can form in the brain (thrombotic stroke) or travel from another part of the body (embolic stroke). The treatment for ischemic stroke depends on how quickly the patient gets to the hospital. If the stroke is detected within three to four-and-a-half hours, a medication called tissue plasminogen activator (tPA) can be given to dissolve the clot and restore blood flow. Other treatments include antiplatelet drugs, anticoagulants, and surgery to remove the clot or widen the narrowed blood vessel.

A hemorrhagic stroke is less common but more severe than an ischemic stroke. It occurs when a blood vessel in the brain ruptures or leaks, causing bleeding into the brain tissue or the space around the brain. The bleeding can be caused by a weakened blood vessel (aneurysm or arteriovenous malformation) or by uncontrolled high blood pressure. The treatment for hemorrhagic stroke aims to stop the bleeding and reduce the pressure on the brain. This may involve medication, surgery, or endovascular procedures to seal the ruptured blood vessel or remove the blood.

A transient ischemic attack (TIA) is also known as a mini-stroke or a warning stroke. It is caused by a temporary blockage of blood flow to the brain, usually lasting less than five minutes. The symptoms of a TIA are similar to those of a stroke, but they resolve quickly and leave no permanent damage. However, a TIA is a serious sign of an increased risk of a future stroke, and should not be ignored. The treatment for TIA includes medication and lifestyle changes to prevent a full-blown stroke.

The symptoms of a stroke can vary depending on the type, location, and severity of the stroke. However, some common signs to look out for are:

- Face: drooping or numbness on one side of the face, or an uneven smile

- Arm: weakness or numbness in one arm, or difficulty raising both arms

- Speech: slurred or garbled speech, or trouble understanding or speaking

- Time: if any of these symptoms occur, call 911 immediately

Other possible symptoms of a stroke include:

- Sudden confusion or trouble following instructions

- Sudden vision problems in one or both eyes

- Sudden dizziness, loss of balance, or trouble walking

- Sudden severe headache with no known cause

- Sudden nausea, vomiting, or loss of consciousness

A stroke is a medical emergency that requires immediate attention. The sooner the treatment is given, the better the chances of survival and recovery. Therefore, it is important to know the types, causes, symptoms, and treatments of stroke, and to act FAST if you or someone else shows any signs of a stroke..

Source:

(1) Types of Strokes: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatments - Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/stroke-types

(2) Types of Stroke and Treatment | American Stroke Association. https://www.stroke.org/en/about-stroke/types-of-stroke.

[scentedchildnacho]

She asked me if I dream and I said no I was diagnosed with very poor sleeping and I just kind of black out till morning....but last night a lady brought some rice and beans from a football party that was going to just throw it away and then last night always dreaming constantly channelled.....

Then she started annoying me with reefer behaviours as older then me she kept wanting obeisant listening without paying for it so to her complaints like razors and alcoholism.....i said no though Dallas cowboys....dax Prescott does not compensate all the men he uses for research and is known in interview for stalking homeless people for what they have and dumping on the poorest people male problems he doesn't compensate

Truth is most of these men have workers compensation lawsuits and have to hyper and aggressive of dispositions to be stalking around the poorest feminines

Dax is a heavy foul player and shouldn't have to downsize he just kills the poor of male problems he needed research off

You should believe the men around they don't look handicap and people like them do have really severe and potentially permanent neck and back or hearing loss or

Alcoholism is still a poverty issue and most people won't touch a razor anymore.....the wealthiest violence does sociologically have mythic beliefs dax is a Greek God and he stalks everything homeless women do

Cameras everywhere....Prescott is obsessed with homeless people....they watch us compulsively get erections from baton light torture

Then usually don't voice opinion or get involved but she said shelter ever instead of intelligent migration and technology equity that fish finder is shula

So I told her off about wanting to shoot basket ball hoops in the stage area....and said no ma'am there won't be any basketball pacific beach was a very embarrassing and cruel colonial urbanization study jackos....people like us win more freedoms and constant shocks....jackos ..

No most people after it demonstrate aggravated phobias people like me don't want to give any of it anything other then quarantine

People like me want all the roads shut down and rations sent to home lockdowns....i don't want to give anyone anything but rest and reform recuperation....

Then I said no I don't ever go to shelters maam that was a dirty fucker suggestion to ever mention.....very gross sex slur to say....the United States does not sign the United nations declaration of peace to indigenous peoples....it is all institutional slaughter....its all attempted slaughter the homeless are a species to them and it's a type of monkey to ritualistically kill.....

Pacific beach is especially cruel and creepy not even floridans can schedule a meal day at a scary amount of locations

The united states may endure attacks from homeless peoples it does nothing but make itself comfortable off leaving us out to brain damaging work

Constant shocks disabling blinding light constant manic idiots at the driver's seat....it tries to kill us all the time of it's urbanization scheme and if you must know homeless peoples were attacked and you can go blow up city officiate buildings it does nothing but train cops to be more manic and brutal at times they should learn self restraint and strategy

Uhm even more genocidal resolve today....at times they should have finally given.......a private shower the things are out there trying to extract more blood from people who already died and practice walking or active catatonics

Most of it will be given death penalties for being The Housing and The families off people for years who are easy cases to be involved in

That's all I have known it to be their racists and the mothers body is a rural resource to extract from...if women won't get involved in pro life as a birther the medical field kills it for trying to advance it's wealth family off school slaughter

That's all I've known it to be as a lesbian politic you can be non gay phobic and people desire your plant life fertilized or you can be gay phobic and cause other women harm and endangerment with your ego gratification and go get killed as a neo Nazi at the clinic

Uhm I find friendship between women as a christian just solidarity but if you privilege the gay phobic opinion to correctness then any type of interaction between women was intimate and called gay....

Earth....if you want to get married and have babies then the United States is largely homogeneous sex issues....and it's okay to officiate diversity only two kids per partnership

Or the county will officiate non diversity it's okay to upkeep school slaughter because it's only that one family of ten kids they didn't attack a community just a few large families and to keep creating homogeneity....most lady girl jobs do appear like people who could die of deprivational restraint tortures

Some latin biblicalness is paranormal immortality and vampiric I believe some county masters ultimately view homogenous platoon populations as animal parts to live off forever

Most homeless people do have personal injury and stalking settlements from the NFL but you persist in getting petty and stalking people around you for what they have and football stole a lot of your needs

People like me have had a poor sleeping diagnosis for years....and football kept unnecessarily injuring itself and using everyone's common wealth as compulsive crack head weird lives

That's jobs to the poorest people jobs just did some stupid things like tell people they go down to the corner building and gentrify and cause disease but there is a lot of aid and production that never gets to people it's intended for and football hoards it

Black dove honey black dove any condition can be reversed....Christ figure that performs miracles is black

You don't need a space ship you can just go to fort Meyers Florida

I am not

I am not a cop out either black dove......no no fucking nasty disgusting dirty repulsive cursing like mother and job and shelter ...I am not a cop out either...honey black dove

Truth is....I just dont date or friend anyone United States....it did something stupid like job and it will get severely battered for it and after battery will just develop more rationalizations to kill me after all it's been through...?......i was told the white men I had as friends in high school were right though....the system if homogenous is designed to kill people for moral conduct and the world is filled with migration and my life is foreign.....