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#that's one i guess? feel like i should be tagging something more for That One Shot but dunno what
avcdgrdn · 2 days
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── .✦ [ FIC ]: can i really stay here? [ part two ]
[ a continuation of part one ]
mullet stanley pines x innkeeper reader
tags: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, sfw
word count: 1875
˙✧˖° ༘ ⋆。˚
in any other circumstances, you wouldn’t even dare to imagine holding a man you had just met the same day.
but stan … was different.
when your eyes first locked with his from across the counter, you could tell that he was hurting, and badly. he was trying so hard to cover it up, and it worked for the most part — after all, up until now, nobody had cared about him enough to see through his facade.
but you saw straight through him. and not only that, you actually did something about it. you offered to care for his needs, at your own expense.
his father only ever saw him as an expense.
so, there you were, sitting at the bar, holding onto the maroon fabric of his jacket as he trembled like a leaf.
the scent of cigarette smoke and pine needles was strong in your nose as he buried his face into your shoulder. you could feel his stubble scratching against your skin.
there was a part of you that wanted to speak up and comfort him, but ultimately you decided against it. you didn’t quite know enough about him to be able to speak to his situation.
after a few minutes, stan seemed to be calming down. his breathing became even, although he was still clinging onto you tightly.
“i …”
his voice was cracked and raspy.
“i … screwed up. i don’t … know how i’m gonna fix it.”
your brow furrowed as you listened to him.
“y’know, stan … i don’t know what you’re going through. but can you do me one favor?”
“... yeah?”
“look at me.”
slowly, the brunet lifted his head, pulling himself back just enough to be able to look at you. his eyes were red and puffy, but his gaze was sincere.
you looked back at him, determined. “i’m gonna help you out.”
stan didn’t know how to react. he swallowed a lump in his throat, scanning your face as if to check whether you were lying to him or not.
“... you don’t … hafta do that. i brought it on myself—”
“i don’t care.”
his eyes widened.
“if i can keep somebody from a worse fate, then i’ll do it. let me give you a place to stay, even if it’s just for a little while.” you smiled warmly, squeezing his arm for emphasis. “you shouldn’t have to feel like your life means nothing.”
“… you’re an angel.”
those words made you blush. “i–i wouldn’t say that—”
uh-oh, he’s smirking now. chuckling lowly, he let go of you so that he could cross his arms over his chest.
“what, are you tryna tell me you’re not sent from heaven? think about it. you’re saving my biscuits here, toots.” there was serious gratitude in his tone, despite his teasing. at least he seemed to be in a better mood. “i think i’ll hafta call you that more often, yeah? angel.”
you laughed nervously, trying desperately to distract yourself from your red hot face. “really? h–how interesting …”
stan snickered again, gazing at you for a moment longer with fondness dancing in his brown eyes. then, glancing at the wall clock, he realized the time. “damn, it’s midnight. i should probably stop bothering you ‘nd get to bed, huh?”
“huh, it is late … i should sleep, too.”
“then it’s decided. i’ll see ya tomorrow.” he hummed, standing from his seat and stretching out his arms before cracking a soft smile and turning around to walk towards his room.
you were left to watch him leave, your eyes following his footsteps as he made his way back up the staircase.
approximately eight hours later, you awoke to the sunlight gently filtering through your bedside window, causing your eyelids to flutter open.
the events of last night came flooding back into your mind.
i guess i’ll be seeing a whole lot more of him …
sitting up in bed, you yawned, rubbing your face sleepily.
“mm … what time is it …”
the alarm clock on your nightstand read 8:02 am.
shoot, i overslept—oh, wait. it’s my day off.
that little fact was enough to put you in a good mood for the morning. humming happily to yourself, you began to get ready for the day, picking out a comfortable outfit and a few accessories.
descending two flights of stairs, you wandered into the lobby of your inn, greeting a few different patrons and employees with a cheerful wave. it was breakfast rush hour for the kitchen, and you could catch glimpses of your executive chef running to and fro behind the bar.
he seems pretty busy today. maybe i’ll grab a bite to eat somewhere? hmm, but the question is where …
just then, your train of thought was interrupted by the sound of someone calling out your name.
you whipped around to locate the voice’s source, and there was stan, walking towards you at a leisurely pace. a radiant grin broke out on your face.
“stan! hey, good morning! how’d you sleep?”
raising a brow, he chuckled at your energy. “well, good morning, sunshine. i slept like a baby, thanks t’ you.”
“ah, don’t mention it.” you smiled, placing your hands on your hips. “i’m just glad you could sleep.”
the two of you looked at each other for a second.
why did his stare make you feel butterflies in your chest?
probably unimportant ………… right? yeah.
clearing your throat, you averted your gaze before you started to blush again. “so, um … have you had anything to eat yet?”
“nah. i was just about to, though.” to be frank, he had totally forgotten that he had access to breakfast until you just mentioned it.
“sounds goo–”
you paused mid-sentence, remembering something.
“actually … i was planning on eating out for breakfast today. would you wanna join me? since the kitchen is bustling and all …”
oh, wow. did you really just ask him out to breakfast? it didn’t hit you until after you had said it out loud that it could be considered that way. oops. was that weird? were you weird? augh.
stan had half a mind to tease you senseless for how cute that was, but after thinking about it, he decided against it. he wouldn’t wanna ruin his chances at having breakfast with you.
“you kiddin’? i’d love that.” he nodded his head, flattered and amused. “not many people can say they’ve had breakfast with an angel, ya know.”
your ears turned red.
i walked right into that one. darn you and your smooth talking …
“oh, let’s just go already.” embarrassed, you grabbed his wrist, pulling him along towards the front door. stan laughed heartily, allowing himself to be led.
it wasn’t long before you arrived at one of your favorite diners in town, known for their homey atmosphere and good breakfast. walking into the building, you were met with the smell of eggs, bacon, and coffee. the two of you breathed it in simultaneously, sighing.
“reminds me of breakfast as a kid.” stanley mused, thinking of the days when he and ford would poke at each other’s food and giggle. you smiled, watching his expression.
“c’mon, this way.” you beckoned him over towards the table you usually sat at, and a familiar waitress walked over to you as you settled in.
“good morning, loyal patron~ i see you’ve brought a plus one today, yes?”
“uh—yes. don’t go jumping to conclusions, though …”
the waitress grinned innocently. “of course. now, what can i get for you two?”
stan wound up ordering pancakes with bacon and eggs, while you settled on some waffles and a mug of coffee. you could have sworn you saw that waitress giggling to her coworker about something as she went on her way, but you shook your head to yourself in an attempt to ignore it. instead, you directed your attention towards the man sitting across from you.
“so, i’m guessin’ you’re a regular here?” he tilted his head, leaning back against his seat. there was a smirk plastered onto his face that you couldn’t quite decipher.
“you would guess correctly.” you hummed, picking up the salt shaker on the table and fidgeting with it absentmindedly. “have you ever been?”
a rumbling sigh escaped his lips.
“nah … i’m not exactly from around here.”
your gaze was trained on him. so far, he’s kept a laid-back demeanor, not to mention that little smirk that drives you insane—but you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was way more depth to his character than he let on.
“yeah? where’re you from?”
“...”
there was a brief silence. his chocolate brown eyes, warmly lit by the sun, stared into your soul.
“i’m from new jersey.”
your eyebrows shot up. “from jersey? wow … you’re far from home, then.”
“it’s not home anymore.”
you opened your mouth to say something, but closed it again. stan was staring out the window, a frown creasing his face.
“i … sorry. sensitive topic?”
he turned back to you, a faint blush appearing on his face. “uh … well, yeah, i guess … it’s okay.”
“come again?”
“... it’s, uh—i–i’m okay, if it’s you.”
he was a darker shade of red now, scratching awkwardly at his stubble. he felt so … vulnerable. but somehow, he was okay with it.
at that moment, the waitress came back with plates of food. “order up!”
you watched as you were served, salivating as you saw golden waffles covered in butter and syrup smiling up at you. it didn’t take long for the both of you to start digging in.
“... wow.” after the first few bites, stan had stars in his eyes. “it tastes just like ma’s.”
“was your mom a good cook?”
he snorted. “well, she wasn’t exactly a michelin star chef, but she could make some damn good flapjacks. at least, i sure thought so.” putting another forkful of pancake into his mouth, he chewed thoughtfully. you simply propped your head on one hand, watching.
“i always told her she could sell ‘em for a fortune.”
his tone was soft with nostalgia.
“she just laughed. prob’ly cause i was five when i told her that.”
“they must’ve been really something, huh?”
“they were. all my life, i dreamt of selling somethin’ as good as that. i haven’t stopped trying, either.”
he scoffed.
“most of ‘em have been a bust.”
you hummed softly in understanding.
“you’re still trying, though. that’s worth more than any failed effort.”
he looked up from his plate. “... you think so?”
“sure i do.” lifting your mug, you took a sip of coffee. “perseverance is worth a lot.”
stan could barely handle your uplifting words. his heart was squeezing in his chest. covering his flustered face with one hand, he leaned against the table, grumbling.
“... an angel … God sent an angel.”
“what?”
“what? nothing.”
a few hours later, you were walking side by side back to the inn. stan couldn’t help but admire the way the fall breeze tousled your hair, and the gentle smile on his face was speaking his thoughts out loud.
he’d never known that somebody this beautiful could even exist.
maybe ...
maybe he hasn’t hit rock bottom quite yet.
end
author's note:
thank you for all the love on this fic !!! :D
part three ....????? any part three hopefuls out there?
i gotta keep cooking.
if you have any fic or headcanon requests, hit up my askbox! <3
tag list: @icouldntthinkofanythingclever @seahorrorz @blustalker @hay-needle @phanmai1002
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tozettastone · 3 days
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Hm, let me reword; are there characters from the series you love to write but have a comparatively different level of interest in how they're actually portrayed in the source material? I.e. the akatuski who were both introduced and killed early tend to be more of an echo of a character than something that reads as a person
Oh yeah, I see! Thank you for rephrasing this. Okay.
Well, characters like Kakuzu and Hidan (and actually a lot of the cast) are very flat¹ characters in canon. They are also very often flat characters in fanfiction, even when they are major characters — Kakuzu is the money guy, Hidan is the religion weirdo (often referred to as "the miser" and "the zealot," haha) and rarely is this expanded upon.
I write a bit about characters who are like this, and one of the things I like about it is the process of extrapolating a rounder character from the few characteristics of a one-dimensional villain, without just losing all of their villainy. They should still be bad guys. I like to write bad guys.
But, it's also hard for a character to be only a terrible horrible villain when you think a bit more about what they're like in their interpersonal relationships, what they care about, what their preferences are, and just... in regular situations. That's why my Kakuzu and Hidan tags on this blog (...and my kakuhida and hidakaku tags, too, which are interchangeable but somehow never consistent) are full of random comments about this kind of characterisation exercise.
I usually do this extrapolation by looking at characters' attitudes and behaviours in canon, inferring their motives, and then thinking about how those motives might be expanded on so they can be expressed in the broader setting! I have mixed success — sometimes people don't like my characterisation and, much more importantly, sometimes I look back on my characterisation and don't like it either (as one of my recent Deidara posts attests 💀).
In that vein, sometimes I do make villain characters like these seem a lot nicer than they are in canon, just by virtue of writing scenes where they, like, have to have a normal conversation...? But if you're trying to take a flat canon character and reverse engineer it into a rounder one, you have to kinda accept that they will be less, like, unalloyed one-note violence and evil, I guess. Like, at some point they are just going to have to eat lunch without having a little massacre first.
So... That's the comments I have about that process.
I think there are a lot of characters like this in Naruto because a lot of the broad cast can have pretty flat characters. I feel this way about everyone from Orochimaru to Tobirama to Hidan, hahaha. So I wouldn't necessarily single anyone out. I guess the least flat characters I write about would include characters like Sakura, who exhibit a more complex mix of personality traits, motives, desires, preferences, feelings, etc., in canon.
---
One footnote:
1. A quick comment on flatness vs roundness, for anyone who hasn't heard those terms used like this before. Characters, settings, "plot" events, and so on, are all elements of a story. A character is the element that delivers the impression of a "person" to the reader/viewer. They are usually successful to a greater or lesser degree.
One way of thinking about characters is that they can fall on a spectrum between "flat" and "round." When one calls a character "flat," it means that they don't have the depth of personality that makes them very good at being a "person." They are usually one-note and simple. "Round," characters, by contrast, are usually a bit deeper. They usually have complex motives and desires and give a more complete impression of personhood to the audience.
This doesn't mean flat characters are bad characters, it just means that they serve a purpose that doesn't require lingering over the complex mix of characteristics that depicting personhood might otherwise require.
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bacchuschucklefuck · 5 days
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couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead
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incorrect-fnaf-quotes · 4 months
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In another Dr. Scraptrap AU related post, I mentioned the whole ‘Made a TV show focused around the Funtimes” thing instead of the diner with Henry.
And... now, I think I have a new AU—although, I guess it would still technically be a connected one to the Dr. Scraptrap one, of course.
The AU would simply follow the Funtime’s and the shenanigans that the group would’ve gotten into within the show.
Within it: Circus Baby, Funtime Freddy, and Yenndo are animatronics, Ballora is a human, and Funtime Foxy, Bon Bon, and Lolbit are living animals/not animatronics.
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transmascutena · 9 months
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these lines hit different when you read utena as transmasc
#i mean the first one is really awful regardless.#pretty sure i read somewhere that the words akio uses means something along the lines of 'you really should remain a child'#as opposed to 'you really should remain the gender that you are.' which speaks to his whole thing about keeping these kids from growing up#and there's So Much in anthy's line even without hypothetical misgendering#anyway the au where utena has already transitioned by the time he gets to ohtori is really good#and i of course have lots of headcanons about post-ohtori utena and gender#but i've been thinking about one where he's actively questioning while he's there and is not out to anyone.#and i guess not a lot would really change but akio's attempt at making utena more feminine would have a whole other layer of awful to it#and unfortunately i think in this scenario the first person he would come out to would be akio. which is so sad#like maybe it could be anthy but idk. i think it would be something he'd be apprehensive to be open about with her#(in the show utena does tend to be more vulnerable with akio than with anthy. at least the vulnerability with him comes first.#he's her go-to person for advice in the black rose arc and utena doesn't really begin opening up to anthy like that until the third arc)#maybe i should write something for this au. i can see it so clearly.#utena talking about his confusing gender feelings in one of those black rose scenes in the planetarium#and akio doing that thing where he sounds supportive and helpful but absolutely isn't.#that fake sympathy that's actually really patronizing and condescending and dismissive but subtly enough that utena doesn't realize it#and THEN the contrast when utena finally talks to anthy about it and she empathises by talking about her own confusing gender feelings#(transfem anthy realness !!!!!)#oh wow i did not mean to write so much in the tags#revolutionary girl utena#utena tenjou#my posts
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svtskneecaps · 11 months
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feel like the global tasks sweep strat should probably be nerfed somehow. my thought would be, give each team an individual ten minute overall cooldown on global task claims. that is to say, a certain team can only claim one global task per ten minutes. say, deliver gas masks, and then in ten minutes you're allowed to deliver tea, and then after another ten minutes you can claim hot chocolate.
another teams would be able to claim a global task for bananas during this time, and their own ten minute cooldown would start.
(the global tasks can either keep their individual ten minute cooldown [i.e. after tea is claimed no one else can claim tea for ten minutes] or a slightly shorter cooldown, say 5-7 minutes)
when a global task is claimed, everyone is notified, right? if not, in my hypothetical, they will be.
then, a team trying to sweep six tasks at once would actually take sixty minutes to do, allowing another team to swoop in and have a chance to stop it in cinematic, entertaining fashion rather than tubbo having to grind resources and then log out in front of the merchant to counter this, which is boring for everyone (including the person delivering). plus, if a team cuts it down to the last second and ends up getting delayed, they physically wouldn't have time to make a delivery, meaning even being a BIT of a nuisance could be a viable strategy, even if you can't manage to kill; if you can STALL you could still wreck their plans.
that's my dream anyway idk i'm not a game designer. just think it would be interesting for most players
(i elaborate under)
red team would have to shake up their strategies, which is fun since they're a team that kinda has to rely more on strategy than outright brawn (overall the team's pvp can't be relied on unless they have carre or phil, as seen today when pierre, bad, and etoiles attacked phil cellbit foolish and baghera, and cellbit and foolish both died to etoiles in the attack, despite it being a 4 on 1 at the time. baghera was killed by bad soon after. phil was the one to get the kills. the first day, when blue attacked [niki, tubbo, and bad as i recall] carre got both kills)
the other teams would then still have a way to stop a global sweep since a sweep would have to start earlier, allowing not only more time to arrive at global to pvp about it, but ALSO allowing another team to swoop in and steal the goal out from under the team again
i'm gonna use it in a scenario bc i'm badboyhalo and i can't stop myself from making examples:
so, tonight, if the proposed cooldown was in place, bad and tubbo would both still had roughly 17 minutes when red team would have HAD to start the sweep process if they wanted all six global tasks: 1 hour until the server closed at absolute MINIMUM. more for safety's sake.
therefore, in this scenario, there's a lot to happen
blue team could wait at globals, knowing red will probably try this strategy, and attempt or perhaps SUCCEED in killing red. if they kill red entirely, the operation is a wash; red doesn't have to gear to come back from scratch and take out blue team, and even if they could, the travel time to return to globals alone would mean they wouldn't get all the global tasks, potentially meaning they don't take the lead. if blue team is unable to kill red and dies themselves or has to retreat, but succeeds in delaying red, red would face the same problem.
if red sends in all of the task items on one person, and that person dies, even if the rest survived, blue could loot the items from that person and would be able to either use the items themselves, if green is currently the owner, or could run away with the items, effectively wasting red's time and again, meaning they wouldn't get all tasks claimed even if they were able to overtake the runner and reclaim their items.
i'm unclear what would happen if red divided the task items between them since it seems like the person claiming the task doesn't have to have all (or any? again, unclear) the items in THEIR inventory in order to claim so long as a teammate is nearby with the items in their inv (evidence: pac's vod "voltei... o que tá acontecendo no QSMP?!" at roughly 3:00:00; tubbo claims tea and tea is taken out of pac's inventory. i don't know the limits of this strategy)
blue team also has time to swoop in and steal a global task out from under red during this time. say, if red team had claimed the task for 10 tea leaves, upping the price to 15 tea leaves, and then blue team snuck in and claimed the task and set the price up to 20 tea leaves, (since the proposed 10 minute cooldown on claims would be TEAM LIMITED; red's cooldown applying to red only and so on). if red waited until the last second, they wouldn't have the time to reclaim this task even if they did have the resources, possibly forcing them to start their sweep earlier to counter this possibility, at which point team members who had logged on earlier and are out of time by the end of the night, OR members who live in time zones that don't allow them to stay up until server close, may have an easier shot at participating in defending against a global sweep.
all of this DIRECT CONFLICT would make for good audience entertainment and heighten the stakes of an attempted global sweep, since it would practically have to be one team defending globals for an hour while they pipe all their resources into it, knowing that if they die another team could easily swipe their task resources and use it themselves (along with the rest of their gear). it makes it more interesting, while still mostly viable.
plus it would force more strategizing for red team which is maybe just a personal plus, i just really like seeing people planning both in advance and in spur of the moment. it's really satisfying to see how a plan comes together and succeeds or fails; plus, since red team is the main team using this strategy at the moment and their main draw and strength as a team is cohesion and communication this would be completely fucking riveting for me as a viewer so maybe this is just a personal thing. but i really really think it would be fun
but again, i'm not a game designer, or a qsmp player, or a qsmp admin, or honestly even really a gamer? so maybe i'm off my rocker and out of my gourd and this isn't viable or balanced in any way shape or form but YKNOW what is this blog except putting stupid thoughts into the void and seeing if this time the void spits back hate mail so. i'm folding this into a paper airplane and throwing it into the abyss. hopefully it made sense.
k love you appreciate you getting this far, have a good week!!
(i hope your team gets a win in dramatic fashion and celebrates together!!! i hope they come together and unleash a plan so spectacular it takes the server by storm!!! i hope it's so good it becomes a vod you go back to even years in the future!!!! i hope you have a good week!!!!!)
#qsmp#qsmp purgatory#shut up vic#block game brainrot#yes it's long beneath the keep reading no i'm incapable of being succinct#i color coded the important parts though i just wanted to try to be clear#examples are my bread and butter i do programming and math they make everything easier for me to understand#god i hope this makes sense to other people i didn't ask my biological peer reviewer so idk if this is stupid or not#tbh it's just a tumblr post so i guess it's whatever if it is but i put wayyy more work than necessary into double checking timelines lol#(i didn't watch blue today sorry :/ idr if i mentioned in the body of the post but i main red team)#(their energy is just more entertaining for me personally; though i kept an eye on pac once i could multi-watch!)#anyway other team mains feel free to weigh in if i'm making weird assumptions about what the teams are capable of#heaven knows my pov is biased here LMFAO#((for what it's worth i am fully aware this means red team aren't rly underdogs anymore and i super want them to be kicked in the stomach))#((back to the drawing board; what will they do??? I WANT TO KNOW :O))#((seeing them crawling back to victory from being like two pixels on the bar on sunday was great. more of that pls))#idk i've rambled enough#long tags#ignoring daylight savings it's technically one am goodnight friends i hope this post doesn't suck hahahaha...............#OH AND IF ANYONE THINKS I SHOULD TAG SOMETHING FOR FILTER PURPOSES ABSOLUTELY LET ME KNOW#i want to be courteous but i think this post is pretty neutral in tone? but if you think it deserves a tag i will absolutely add it!!!!!
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goldenpinof · 3 months
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#long talk in tags incoming i guess#i don't understand why people keep following me when everything i do is complaining lately#and not about dnp per se. but about how the work is done and how their team *coughs* martyn *coughs* is handling stuff#i'm just looking at all this mess and i can't agree with basically anything#everything goes against my beliefs when it comes to work organisation. customer focus and etc.#and i'm trying SO hard to mildly help for free. and i'm just getting ignored. but that's like.. basic fixing and shit#any decent company would do it and say thank you for noticing and letting us know#but not irl merch lmao#and it all feels and looks like a massive joke#and i'm so so tired to basically pay for existence of this mess#i'm rethinking a lot of tour related decisions i made. and i know the reason i made them was about travelling more than the show itself#so i don't completely regret it#i'm just so tired of being spat in the face (figuratively speaking) over and over again#and tired of no one taking their job seriously ffs#neither martyn nor dnp nor their fucking editors#and i'm doing all that not for attention or whatever. but because I really care for the words to be correct and for the fucking text..#.. to be in the middle. like idc about the credit or WHO i need to ask for it to be fixed. i just want it to be fixed#so it looks good and how it should look#like. it's not that hard to put a little care into the things you do and getting paid for#I don't understand how it became so normalized. how being a bad manager is okay if you work with a fanbase and you're a 'small company'#a small company who has more than enough money to hire people to check things btw. if only anyone cared#i'm just so so tired of caring. because apparently it's not something everyone else does.#and i can let it slide when it comes to dnp. they are not being literally hired to do it. but others..... yeah#today was a moment when i thought 'that's a perfect opportunity to leave. enough.'#but the tour is in 1.5 months and i have tickets so i can't leave lmao#what kind of joke that is? oh and i know i'm fully responsible for this mild breakdown#personal
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jwooyoung · 3 months
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hi everyone I miss you 🥺
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remyfire · 5 months
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You rotten scoundrel!!! I just read your fanfic “Like a Silent Song” and I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!! YOU SCOUNDREL!!! You write Radar so good, how DARE you!!!
I am attacked by insults and praise at every angle and do not know which to believe!!!! /j
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! ;v; I'm still not entirely confident in his voice, so hearing you say you thought it worked well means a lot to me. Thank you so much!!
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tapewormsoda · 4 months
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breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh
#helix.txt#gross i ended up spilling my guts in tags. look at them fucking writhing on the floor all bloody#dont rb please#vent#to quote fall out boy i knew it was over i just didn't know the date#yeah that's it. fall out boy can fix this.#i will feel better if i go listen to bang the doldrums#and infinity on high in general#and folie a deux. folie a fucking deux how i love that album#my chem will make me better. gerard way save me#god what a weird feeling. you used to know me better than any other person but then you moved hundreds of miles away and it worked#for a while. then two years later you said it wasnt working and that this was best for both of us. guess i never got the memo for that one#hope we treat other people better because i wasn't as kind as i should have been towards the end and you were never as thoughtful or con-#-siderate as i needed towards the end. we grew apart because you're bad at keeping contact over messaging#and in some ways the cracks in the foundation that grew from that were my fault too i guess. our conversations always felt one sided#maybe i was smothering you#you could never seem to keep more than a passing recollection of the things i liked or even pay much attention to them#but i wasn't great about that either#we just became different people. you weren't what i wanted or needed and you couldn't do long distance. whatever#i know it was the right thing i just wish it hadn't made me feel so damn awful#will we still talk after this? who knows. we didn't end on bad terms but things are definitely weird#and considering your track record with people you can only talk to online i'm not optimistic#you tried to break things off initially by saying you'd said you would improve in the past with nothing to show for it#something i didn't disagree with but i said it didn't bother me much. and it didn't#but it's complicated now. i did deserve better. but you made it clear i'm not getting it from you#you weren't as present or thoughtful as i needed#i wasn't there in person the way you needed and certainly not as considerate as i should have been. and for that second part i'm truly sorr#anyways. sorry. i'd been thinking about it for a long time anyway. i didn't want to admit it because i didn't like to think#about what it might bring. maybe i should have been braver#right. that's enough
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butterflieswhisper · 5 months
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hhelp wait this is so funny. didnt you follow me forever ago after a scott themed october song analysis . sorry if you dont remember that and this ask doesnt make sense but this is still funny to me
hi!!!! yeah. it was the cherri crane lives art i think and also where you made your flower husbands tag! I have never really interacted with fh outside of you (and like, seeing pretty fanart) but i am nonetheless deeply invested in your interpretation specifically!!! I honestly haven't watched jimmy outside of rats and the beginning of empires2 either i genuinely have no clue what they get up to you just seem to have a lot of fun with it
#asks#<-omg i can make that a tag now#i also am a year behind on the life series. i think the most recent one i've seen is double#like from any pov. i am a year behind. however that goes for everything on youtube#my poor watch later playlist hit the 5000 video limit forever ago and so did the second one i made to replace it. i am on my third#but seriously i don't know what goes on in fh canon but i like their blue/yellow thing they have going on. idk if that's like? intentional?#but like scott blue and canary yellow are really pretty colors together#and they are also SO close to being complimentary colors and yet. they aren't. just a little bit off#they don't quite fit quite how they should. i made that up on the spot i mostly think yellow and blue are nice colors#i think my biggest exposure to scott before you was literally the deal with destiny song in empires1#and i don't even think i acknowledged him as like a real guy ykwim.#like oh yeah. scott smajor. he's like. in that song lizzie made or something. he can sing alright i guess (plays it on loop)(plays it on lo#whisp whispers#seeing u post about Discourse(tm) is always really funny to me because i didn't realize for a while that u did not have like#the 'normal' interpretation? like i didn't realize you had a different view than other people#i was like oh yeah the relationship held in the death games is toxic. that makes sense yeah and is not surprising#and then suddenly there would be a post where you mention discourse and i went. Ohhhhh wait they're supposed to be HAPPY!!!#but i feel like this is infinitely more enjoyable i love Flawed Characters#and especially now after watching his rats. i get it. i get it i get it i see what you are saying#he doesn't interact much with jimmy hes mostly with owen and. i mean#'i've never heard someone apologize so much while putting the blame on the other person'???? i see exactly what you mean#r!scott accidentally hurting r!owen and then apologizing profusely while insisting it's because owen stood in his way. and then immediately#isolating himself in a room for like 20 minutes and refusing to interact with anyone feels like. idk#it reminds me of ur rambles and i understand them more now i think. kind of#to be clear by 'with' i mean like. in proximity of. those rats are AROMANTIC!!!!! (to me)#i'm so sorry these tags are a mess. but alas#i also think it's really funny to follow Flower Husbands guy and know nothing abt them. invested by proxy. whenever i hear abt scott giving#jimmy a flower i get excited not because like i know what's going on but because omg! that's like that thing bree talks about sometimes!!#i hope that like. any of this makes sense shdbfjk
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goofyguppy · 3 months
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#i went to the dentist and the lady who cleaned my teeth had an Australian accent#she was very sweet and asked me a lot of questions about myself#i asked her a lot of questions back about herself and dentistry#she thought i was only 25#she seemed surprised i was interested in her at all and that's a pretty common way for people to react to me#I'm just interested in people and things and i guess people aren't used to that?#she and her assistant described me as observant#i mean. i guess?#it makes me sad that people are surprised and affected by my interest in them like... someone should be interested in you...#someone other than me#i hope you have people who care about you in your life and how you feel and think#the stuff they put on my mouth smelled like chocolate but she said it was cocoa butter#the stuff they put on my teeth smelled and tasted like eggnog but she said it was bubblegum#i said i hoped she was the one who will clean my teeth next time I'm there#did you know that you're not supposed to wash your mouth out after you brush?#apparently it's good for the flouride to stay on your teeth longer#she said my teeth are slightly more transparent than usual#and I thought...#/I/ am more transparent than usual#there was a painting in the exam room of white flowers on a blue background and I spent a lot of time looking at it#I have to go back on Tuesday for a filling but she reassured me it wasn't my fault#overall it was really something#and I just wanted to talk about it a bit#very very very sleepy ramble#if you read all this#i don't know why#but i love you#i can't remember how i used to tag these because i do this so rarely on this blog#oh well
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qqqqqqqqqqq0 · 3 months
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i've been having some trouble falling asleep lately
#art#i'll be yapping in the tags#its not that im depressed or anything. it is the opposite actually#ive been using this medicine for quite some time. and it made all my negative emotions disappear#“oh wow huh but isnt it great you don't feel bad anymore”. this is the same thing my psychiatrist told me when we were discussing this topic#in hindsight it was kinda silly of her to say. i can't believe i pay a ridiculous amount of money per session just to hear shit like that#but she's cute and im a pathetic homosexual who'll seethe at the sight of other specialists like a beaten dog so I will let it slide i guess#we see each other twice a year anyway and all i need from her is the prescription for happy pills. anyway the happypillen#i would fight god if it means i can use stertraline for the rest of my life. thanks to it i can and i do live#but I don't really feel like myself anymore. do you get what i mean#the things that have been giving me anxiety attacks or flashbacks not so long ago? i feel almost nothing about it at this momet#it still haunts me to this day but the intensity of my feelings and emotions does not reach even 1/5 of what it was before#i do not want to disclose more specific topics so i will use a simple example. i used to be afraid of dogs#the fear was so severe that the mere sight of the tiniest little barfing creature was enough for me to freeze#now i can pass one without any problem. the fear i feel today is nothing more than a shadow of bygone times (something i do out of habit)#but i guess this example is not objective enough since my close irl friend has a dog that i became fond of#im still pretty sure this dog of her is capable of biting my ass off if necessary but im not afraid of it#because fear is not an option in this brain of mine at this moment#i don't feel any anxiety sadness or anger anymore. even if something close to it begins to rise in me it shuns down within a few minutes#i can't even cry. i am craving emotions that i was so eagerly trying to dispose of back then#i feel the most mentally stable I have ever been and at the same time i feel pretty much dead.#perhaps i just got used to the fact that sorrow accompanied me for a very long time and i should learn to live without it#perhaps sorrow is just as important as happiness and its absence is a mere side effect of the happy pills#and i have to put up with it in order to have a functional brain#perhaps we people are never happy with what we have in our hands. also i hate drawing#one's can tell since the picture i attached is raw as fuck#but even despite my praised mental stability if i were to stay alone with it even for a minute longer i would go insane#next time i will draw something lighter and cuter. like my favorite kpop boy or fortnite. maybe in the next century#thanks for coming to my tedtalk. bye#i made a typo in the word “sertraline” but im too lazy to fix it i would fight god for you but i will not do this im sorry zoloft
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obessivedork · 1 year
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I got so caught up in the euphoria of new Star Trek that I forgot SNW has some of my least favourite writing of the new shows. I think I’m frustrated with it because there are so many aspects I SHOULD like! On paper I SHOULD like this show more than I do! I just do not vibe! :(
#Happy for everyone who loves the show so much god I wish that were me#tagging  for my own blog's sorting system not here to be a dick#it is only dethroned by season 3 of PIC for my least favourite writing#but. STOP TALKING ABOUT GENETIC MODIFICATION STAR TREK. IT HAS NEVER BEEN GOOD. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN BAD. ALWAYS.#EVEN THAT ONE BASHIR EPISODE THIS IS A HOT TAKE I WILL TAKE TO MY GRAVE#(but there are other things that are good about that Bashir episode)#It's too nuanced and difficult of a topic to handle in a 45-60 minute episode. It really is#Children should never be blamed for the sins of their parents etc etc but it is SUCH a double edged sword#what they did with La'an was neat I guess. something something facing ancestral ghosts that put guilt on your shoulders#Like at least this guilt and trauma isn't entirely needless like the Gorn shit#It makes sense that a descendant of HIS would have complex thoughts and feelings. Just wish it was a descendant of a DIFFERENT#genegic augment from Earth's history. Makes the universe feel SO SMALL#The La'an episode got me reluctantly back into being willing to see where they're going with everything because it was a decent episode#I mean I'll watch the Lower Decks episode no matter what but I was hoping the show would grow on me more this season#and it still hasn't really#There are fun elements (Funky old engineer lady! Still mad about killing off the season 1 guy but she's fun! I'm so gay for Ortegas)#I want to like this show more so bad! :(#but I'm just overall not vibing :(#star trek#snw
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weidli · 2 years
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Erinnerst dich, Franz? Wie ihr als Ministranten im Sommer hier immer gezeltet habt? Er war damals ganz ein frommer. Einmal haben wir über Marienerscheinungen diskutiert, da haben deine Freunde gesagt, der Franz wird sicher bald auch noch welche haben, wenn er so weitermacht. 
udo wachtveitl as franz leitmayr in gefallene engel (1998), außer gefecht (2006) and wir sind die guten (2009), set to rammstein’s engel
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dylanlila · 1 year
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another day another book tainted by the presence of a screen adaptation and most of all: its male lead 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬
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