#that's probably also why liam was so upset

[seospicybin]

TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART II

Changbin x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle masterlist

Synopsis: You and Changbin become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (13,1k words)

Author's note: I planned on posting it yesterday but i got so busy but here it is, hope you enjoy! :)

There are three things Changbin trying to digest at once.

One is that you kissed someone else last night. Two, Lana is not pleased so she doubles the fine as of this moment and that leads to number three, a total of $24,000 has been deducted from the prize fund.

You're following him as he walks to the firepit to have a talk with you, giving you a chance to explain yourself. You take a seat next to him with your legs pulled up and a cushion on your lap.

Changbin can't decide where to start, he's still having a hard time processing everything.

"What happened?"

You're fiddling with the tassel on the cushion, "I was trying to set Rita up with Nico and that just happened," you answer him.

"Do you feel different about me?"

You snort in reaction, probably thinking that he is joking but with the absence of a smiles on his face, you realize that he is being serious.

"No," you immediately deny.

"I know you also like girls," Changbin supports his assumption with a fact.

You stifle a chuckle, "Yeah and I like Rita, but not that way."

Stretching your leg, you put your foot over his leg and tip your head to the side, "You know I only like you," you say with a smile on your face.

Changbin would usually melt at the sight of your smile but not this time. This is not how he wanted to hear you say how you feel about him.

"How do I know for sure when you kissed someone else?"

You subtly roll your eyes to the side then put away the cushion, "The kiss meant nothing. We were just playing," you explained with an exasperated sigh.

This may sound like he's exaggerating things but Changbin doesn't like how you blatantly broke the rules and did it behind him.

"Put yourself in my position," he tells you.

"How would you feel if I kissed someone else and not telling you about it?"

Now that he has put things into perspective, he hopes you understand why he acts this way. It's not only about the kiss, he feels like you have dismissed him as your partner.

"I get what you're saying," you add a nod at the end of the sentence.

Seeing that you're slowly putting a space in between and the glints in your eyes fade with each passing second, he feels like he's the bad man here.

"I'm sorry," you mutter with a sad smile on your face.

The kiss, he can let it slide but the betrayal, he gets a little upset when you could have said something about it last night and he wouldn't have been this upset over a playful kiss.

-

CHANGBIN: I appreciate that she told me everything and apologized but I feel like I have to play it safe now.

-

It's been days and you're still on Changbin's naughty step.

You didn't think he would be this mad over a silly kiss, oh well, he didn't think the kiss you did with Rita was silly at all. You don't want to let this go on for too long but also, you don't know how to confront him.

Frankly, if something like this happened, you would have moved on to the next one. Considering that you're locked in and can't go anywhere, you're left with no option but to resolve it like two mature grown-ups.

The problem is you're really bad at confrontation and the way Changbin cautiously acts around you doesn't help.

"Was he mad?" Liam asks as he sits next to you on the side of the pool.

Your foot is playing with the pool water, "Yeah."

"You like him, right?" He asks, tilting his head to the back to let the sun hit his oiled body.

"I do like him," you shortly answer like it isn't obvious enough.

"What you did... I don't think that helps to convince him that," Liam says.

You listen to him only to hear that he says the same thing with Changbin and maybe this is your punishment, constantly reminded that you're the one at fault here.

"Yeah, no shit," you sigh.

Liam chuckles, "You know that, right?"

You lean back with your hands propped behind you, "I know..." you groan.

It's like he hears you're talking about him, Changbin walks out of the bedroom and heads down to the beach.

"Oh, my God! There he is!" You mutter through your gritted teeth at Liam.

"I know," he whispers, clocking him for you.

Not sure if he sees you or not, but your heart is sinking at the sight of him.

Liam starts talking after Changbin is out of sight, "Talk with him, tell him how you feel," he suggests.

It's easier to be said than done and also...

"I'm scared," you honestly share with a nervous laugh.

Liam chuckles again and wipes his sweaty forehead.

"Don't you see how big he is?" You jokingly say.

"Just be honest, be yourself," Liam wisely says and brushes his dark curls to the back.

"Yeah."

Well, you don't want this to continue so it's time to admit that you fucked up and have a talk with him. You don't know how but you'll try.

-

YOU: I kind of realized that I can't do that to people and like, expect them to stick around.

-

You're a man on a mission tonight.

Before that, you have to arm yourself well. You borrowed a dress from Sabine and have Rita style your hair, you want to look good, ravishing even.

You're sleeping still with the man but you need a glass of wine to muster up the courage to talk to him.

Changbin is looking fine in a light blue shirt that fits him so well, showcasing his broad shoulders and muscular arms. You get the urge to rip it off of him but you have to hold that thought for now.

Coming up behind him, you link your arm around his and sweetly smile at him, "Can I talk to you?"

He looks over his shoulder at you and slightly nods, "Okay."

Since everyone is out of the house, you pull him to the bedroom to get some privacy, sitting at the end of your shared bed.

You don't talk right away, you give yourself a moment to compose yourself and to also, admire him as he sits close to you.

"I like this on you," you compliment with your hand tugging at the collar of his shirt.

He smiles hearing your words and places his hand on your knee.

"How about me? Do you like what I'm wearing?" You ask, tipping your head to the side and batting your eyelashes at him.

He pinches at the hem of your dress and feels how thin the fabric is, "I like it."

You put your hand on his and lace it together with him, now that you're both relaxed, you can finally talk about it.

"After what happened..." you intently observe his face for any changes of expression to see if it's still a sensitive issue to him.

But you decide to wait until he responds to it.

He turns his head at you, "Yeah?"

You lick your lips before continuing to talk, "Do you feel like you trust me less because of it?"

Changbin inhales air and even with his head facing you, his eyes are nowhere looking at you. He scratches the back of his head and props his hand against the mattress.

"I don't want to say anything. Truthfully, I still don't know what to do about it," he answers.

It seems like he's still processing it and not yet getting to the place where he can just let it go.

You softly shake his hand in yours, "Hey, I'm sorry."

You apologize even though you have said it enough to him but you feel like you need to do it again to prove to him that you want to fix things between you and him.

And if that's not enough, you can prove it in another way.

"You know I wouldn't do it again," you remark with utmost sincerity.

As soon as those words are out of your mouth, he stares at you and perhaps, trying to see how much you mean those words.

"I know," He says, then holds your hand back and gently squeezes at it. He doesn't add anything else to it but sure, it's better than nothing.

"Can I have a hug?" You ask, ignoring the fact of how pathetic you might have sounded.

A smile rises on his face and he opens his arms to welcome you which you waste no time to dive right in. You eagerly throw yourself at him, sending both of you collapsing onto the bed.

Oh, how you missed being in his warm embrace! You never feel this comfortable and safe with anyone but him.

"We barely cuddle lately," you grumble at him with a pout.

"No, I cuddled you," he denies.

"Not enough," you complained and put your arm around his neck.

Changbin turns his head to the side and looks at you, putting away the hair covering your face as you snuggle close to him. Catching him off guard, you sneak a kiss on his cheek.

With his lips only inches away from yours, the temptation to kiss him is getting to you. To tease him and also check if he's up for a kiss, you make smooching sounds at him with your lips puckering at him.

Changbin holds you by the jaw, but instead of kissing you on the lips, he kisses you on the cheek. At that moment, you realize that he's not fully getting over it yet.

-

YOU: It seems like it's going to take a lot more time and I have to be more patient... [groans]

-

If there's one thing you should know about Changbin is that he has trust issues and that's why he doesn't want to rush into this.

However, he has to admit that he's been distancing himself from you and not realizing that he tortured himself doing it.

He's still sharing the bed with you but it feels much better when you're cuddling him like this.

The others are also still stretching and gathering their senses on their beds after Lana comes for her morning greeting.

You shift on the bed and lay on your side facing him, "Morning, big man," you croak with your eyes half-shut.

Changbin often wondered how you look this good even when you've just woken up. He tenderly caresses your cheek and his thumb wanders by itself, swiping across your lips.

He may as well touch it, feeling it but keeping it in his mind that he can't do more than that.

All of sudden, you open your mouth and take his thumb into your mouth, tugging it between your teeth.

He knows a way to make you stop and that is by tickling you back. He bites at your neck until you let go of his thumb.

"What are you going to do today?" You ask, slinging your hand around his chest.

"Working out," he answers.

Dragging your hand down his chest, you slip your hand under his t-shirt and pinch at the flesh on his abdomen.

"If you keep working out, you'll get bigger," you mumble.

"And that's a problem to you?"

"If you get too big, I won't be able to hug you anymore," you pout.

He pulls you close and holds the side of your face, "Then I'll be the one hugging you," he simply resolves.

You get quiet but overlap his body with yours, "Play with me today."

This is the side that he rarely encounters in you that makes him feel needed, that he is not just some guy you kiss and have fun with.

In fact, Changbin secretly wishes that you're clingy to him, not the other way around.

He puts his arm around you, resting it on the arch of your back as he asks, "What are we going to play?"

You pursed your lips as you thought of an answer, "Uhm... we can get naked and stare at each other's body," you giggle at the end of your words.

You sure know how to keep him amused but that sounds like a dangerous game to play and it's only 8 in the morning. You seem to know that he would skip on it as you kiss him on the cheek before getting up from the bed.

The weather is nice today too and Changbin is having a productive day, as in he manages to finish his workout routine as planned.

It was a good day, well, until Lana assembled everyone in the cabana.

Changbin makes space on the seat next to him the moment he sees you coming and you plop down the sofa with your feet up.

"What's going on, guys?" Sabine asks everyone.

"You tell us," Liam teasingly says to her.

The cone lights up after everyone gathered around her and Changbin's eyebrow perks up at the sound of the way too familiar melodic chime.

"Here we go..." Shane mutters with a nervous sigh.

Even though he didn't do any rule breaks, Changbin still gets nervous whenever Lana starts talking because there's a big chance that she'll come with a piece of bad news.

"To further aid your personal growth, you must learn to resist your urges," Lana starts with a cryptic message.

Changbin doesn't like the sound of it and it instantly puts him on high alert. He notices that everyone else seems to be holding their breath as well.

"So, I am putting some of you to the test."

He is yet can't tell if that's good or bad, either way, hearing the word test, he knows that it's not going to be easy.

"I have arranged two dates..."

"Ooh... dates," Sabine coos in excitement and sparkling eyes.

"Both with new arrivals."

He hears you snicker next to him and he feels a little uneasy with it. When he looks around though, everyone is looking excited for it. New arrivals mean these people are not yet conditioned with retreat rules so yeah, Changbin can smell troubles.

"The first new arrival is... Jax," Lana announces.

The name attracts interest from everyone but the males specifically. While the girls... he sees that Sabine looks a little worried.

"I have allowed the new arrivals to select who they want to ask out on their dates," Lana further informs.

No, wait, Sabine is right to be worried.

Changbin catches you glancing at him before looking away and he wonders if you're worried too.

"Jax has chosen..."

Everyone may not be losing money today but that doesn't keep the tension from keep on building in the cabana.

"Oliver."

Sabine gasps at the mention of his name and nods, she has no power to stop him since Lana is the one running the retreat.

"You seem so happy, Ollie," Liam teases him.

Oliver remains coy about it, then a grin blooms on his face, "It is what it is... I guess," he says with a nonchalant shrug.

Changbin feels bad for Sabine because Oliver seems like the type who would jump ship when the opportunity presents itself.

However, Lana is not done talking yet.

"And date number two will be with... Gareth."

The announcement is being welcomed well by the girls and he turns his head to see you remaining calm about it.

"Well, well, well..." Sabine sighs, probably hoping that he'll pick her to get back at Oliver.

"He's also been allowed to choose his partner for this afternoon date."

You look at him and smile, "Are you nervous?"

Changbin subtly shrugs in answer but deep down, he's nervous that you'd get chosen.

"Gareth has chosen..."

-

CHANGBIN: We have been kind of, like, going up and down so I am worried... I'm worried that her head will turn a little bit.

-

Can't tell if your manifestation works or Lana reads your intention but you're surprised when you hear your name being called. So this new guy, Gareth, has chosen you to go on a date with him?

You scoff and look at Changbin to see his reaction, he's rather a bit aghast.

"I would be worried," you tell him.

Realizing that sounded like he would mistaken it for something else, you correct yourself.

"I mean, I would be worried if I were you."

This is what you need. This is a good opportunity for you to show him that you're into him and you're going to prove him that.

"You may leave now to get ready for your dates," Lana orders you and Oliver to leave the cabana.

You hope you get more than just his silence but Changbin remains calm about this whole thing. You kiss his cheek before getting up from the sofa.

You wait for Oliver to walk over to you so the two of you can leave together.

As Oliver gets to your side, you like your arm with his and say, "We got it, Ollie!"

"Yeah," Oliver half-heartedly says.

You turn to everyone to say bye and just before you turn to leave, Rita teasingly shouts, "Don't cost us more money, Miss Kissy!"

Getting dressed for the date inexplicably excites you and Oliver keeps on laughing hearing you squealing while you're doing your make-up.

"Are you excited?" He asks while he's fixing his hair in front of the mirror.

"Yeah," you answer without looking at him.

Oliver spins on his feet to look at you, "This is weird for me because I've never been with a girl long—"

Lana chimes in, interrupting Oliver's talk, and both of your heads turn in the direction of the cone sitting in the corner of the dressing room.

"What's up, Lana? Did Gareth cancel?" You jokingly ask.

"I hope you're both looking forward to your dates his afternoon," Lana says.

Oliver sits on the chair across from yours to hear what Lana has to say next.

"To further assess how you deal with temptation, I have not told the new arrivals that they are guests at Too Hot To Handle."

You gasp in surprise, "Lana, you naughty!"

"You must decide at what point you tell them," Lana finishes.

You and Oliver exchange a horrified look on your faces, realizing that this is not just a date, this is a test, for real.

"Oh, fuck..." Oliver quietly mutters.

That changes everything. That means that they will not hold back from breaking the rules because they don't know the rules even exist in the first place.

You lean back on your chair and sigh, "I think the best strategy is to tell them right away," you comment.

Oliver looks at you and smirks, "But then they won't try to kiss us," he innocently says.

There's no surprise that Oliver is not afraid to play with fire and as someone familiar with the game, you can relate to that.

"Yeah, that's not fun," you agree while nervously chuckling.

Oliver walks over to the mirror once again to check on his hair again. He brushes his dirty blond hair to the back and lets a few strands fall over his face.

"What I got myself into?" Oliver sighs.

When it's time to leave, Oliver gives you a quick hug before parting ways to go to your respective dates.

"Good luck out there," he says to you.

"Be good!" You reply with a way to him but at the same time, as a reminder to yourself.

-

YOU: I hope this Gareth guy is ugly... [clasps hands together] Please be ugly! [A moment later] I know he won't be ugly [sighs]

-

Lucky that you're wearing sandals because the walk to get to where date is quite far.

Despite feeling pressured to break the news to the new guest, you're also feeling good. The plan is to enjoy it and have fun, you want to flirt because you feel like making Changbin sweat a little.

There he is, Gareth, sitting on the picnic mat and basking in the pale afternoon sun.

Hearing you coming his way, he turns his head and cracks a smile when your eyes meet. He scrambles to get up and hug you.

"Hi, hello," he says to you with a strong British accent.

He then offers his hand to help you sit on the space next to him on the picnic mat.

It's only been a week in the retreat yet you're already forgetting how to be on a date. He looks at you and you look at him, checking each other out in silence.

Gareth is a whole lot of attractive. He's tall, probably six feet two, and with his shirt left open, you can see the sculpted abs. Other than that, he has beautiful eyes.

Lana is doing an impressive job because she's testing you with such an attractive man. Not sure about Gareth, he's been quiet from the moment you met and you start to wonder if he has second thoughts about choosing you.

After a moment, he hands you a glass and fills it with bubbly wine.

"You're more beautiful in person," he suddenly says.

You scoff and without you realizing it, it turns into a shy smile, "Really?"

He licks his lips after sipping his drink, "Yeah, you're beautiful."

"Thank you, Gareth," you thank him and sip your drink.

You take a moment to look at him, finding something on him you can compliment even though every part of his body is praiseworthy.

The sunlight hits him right on the eyes yet it only makes them beautiful, mesmerizing.

"You have beautiful eyes," you return the compliment with a smile.

"Thank you!"

"Is it uh... Brown?" You wildly guess.

"Why don't you see for yourself?" He dares you with a sly grin painted on his face.

Without hesitating, you lean in close to see him up close until you can see yourself in his eyes. Gareth stays still so you can study his eye color.

"It's uh..." You find it hard to focus when he's intensely staring back into your eyes, "Green?"

Gareth doesn't say anything but smiles, "Are you even looking at my eyes?"

You back away and burst into laughter in reaction, flustered for getting caught looking at anywhere other than his eyes.

"Should we have a toast?" He suggests with his glass already raised.

You do the same, raising your glass in the air, "To what?"

"To the nicest date ever," he answers with a seductive smile.

With Gareth, you feel like you're getting the attention you wanted to get from Changbin and you start to worry that your head is about to turn.

You clink your glass with him and repeat his words, "The nicest date ever."

-

YOU: Gareth is tall, he's nice, he's a handsome man. What's not to like about him?

-

It's a fact that you have never been on a date this nice before with the beautiful sea view and the sun slowly setting, dipping lower and lower into the horizon.

The date is going to end soon and you feel bad the longer you keep the news from him, it's time.

To prepare both of you, you refill your glasses with more wine and initiate one last toast.

"Hey, Gareth," you call him.

He swallows his drink before answering your call, "Yes?"

You bite into a strawberry and continue talking, "Do you consider yourself a player?"

Gareth laughs, probably at how straightforward your question is and he can't decide how he's going to answer it.

"Well, uh..." he parts open his shirt to get some air or to show off his body, either way, you're liking it.

"Not really," he doubtfully answers with a suppressed grin.

You sip your drink before asking him the next question, "Are you a sexual person?"

Gareth thinks you're being flirty asking him this question and you feel bad playing with him just to break him down at the end.

He nods and confidently says, "Yeah, I think I am."

You bite your lips, having fun with the knowledge you have that he's not yet known. You tip your head to the side, sending all of your hair falling onto one side of your shoulder.

"Do you think you could go a week without sex?"

His eyebrow raises in surprise, "A week?"

"Yeah."

"It's possible but I'd struggle, hard," he answers with a smile that slightly turns into a nervous one.

You look at him and look into his green eyes, for a second, not wanting to tell him about Lana and her rules.

"Uhm... well, I hate to tell you this," you begin and take another sip of wine.

His eyes are wavering as he looks at you, "What?"

"But we can't have sex in there," you make a head gesture towards the villa.

"Sorry? What?" He asks with eyes widening in utter shock.

And Gareth hasn't heard the worst part yet, "We can't even masturbate," you add.

He closes his eyes for a moment to take everything in and shakes his head, "What?"

"This is Too Hot To Handle," you finally break the news to him with an apologetic smile.

It feels not right to enjoy seeing him suffer but you can't help it, you must have looked like it when Lana popped out of the box that day.

His hand flies to his face, his fingers are pinching the bridge of his nose as he tries to make sense of it all.

"They didn't—" he keeps opening his mouth to speak and abruptly stops in the middle.

"I know," you say, letting him know that you went through the same thing and know exactly how he feels right now.

Gareth drains his wine and puts away his glass, his hair is tousled from the wind constantly blowing at it.

"I was away traveling for months so I–I don't know..." he stammers as he explains himself.

You do feel bad for him but at least, he's not the only one going through it, you've been at it for a week now.

He then looks at you with his index finger pointed at you then at him, "So... we can't...?" His eyes are saying the words that you know what it stands for.

You shake your head, "No," you meekly say.

"Don't get me wrong, it's because I'm seeing someone in there," you add, not letting him get the wrong idea.

Gareth brushes his dark blond hair to the back, making it messier than before, groaning at the newly acquired information.

"I appreciate it that you're telling me that," he says as he refills his glass with more wine.

-

YOU: The date is nice, Gareth is nice but honestly, I was thinking of Changbin the whole time I was there.

-

Back in the villa, Changbin is scared, shitless.

He keeps looking at where you're having the date with this new guy but he can't see much with how far you are plus the sky that is getting darker.

He's been holding his drink but not drinking it, he's too nervous to try to relax.

"They're not back yet?" Nico asks as he sits on the lounger.

Changbin shakes his head and keeps his eyes on the top of the stairs, the only access back from the beach.

"Do you think she kissed him?" He innocently asks.

"That would be wild if she did," Nico gives his opinion then quietly sips his drink.

Rita comes to sit behind Nico, putting her arms around him, and notices the apparent horror on Changbin's face.

"I didn't expect you'd be genuinely this worried," She says to him.

He doesn't know why but he feels offended by what she said, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Nico hurriedly holds Rita to stop her from talking, he knows Changbin is being extra sensitive at this moment so it's best to not poke around him.

Almost half an hour later, you are finally back with the new guy, and your arm is linked with him. He also notices the smile on your face as you introduce him to the girls.

Changbin is not pleased with what he sees but he knows he should keep his composure, he shouldn't conclude without hearing from you first.

"Gareth," the new guy introduces himself to him.

Changbin has this belief that it's not about looks but looking at Gareth, it's impossible to not feel the slightest bit intimidated.

The boys take him for a chat at the cabana and questions asked at the new guy, the basic questions until Shane brings up the date.

"So how was the date?"

Knowing that he's not good at faking his facial expression, Changbin gulps as much air as he can and hopes it's enough to calm him.

Gareth brightly smiles before answering, "I think we had a good time," he answers.

Liam glances at Changbin to check on him, "Yeah?"

"She was great and the setting was beautiful, probably the most romantic date I ever had," Gareth adds and he should consider himself lucky for not knowing that he's talking right next to the man you're seeing.

-

CHANGBIN: He can have those drinks, that romantic date but don't even think that he can take her from me [shakes head]

-

Changbin is chatting with Shane when all of a sudden, he stops listening to him. He looks past his shoulder to someone behind him.

"Looking for me, babe?" Shane jokingly asks you.

You laugh at him and put your hand on Changbin's shoulder, "Can you give us a minute, babe?" You joke back at him.

"Sure thing, babe," Shane kindly left so the two of you could talk.

Changbin sees that you're already changed into a new dress and your lips are painted with a fresh coat of lipstick. As you sit next to him on the sofa, you slightly turn your body to face him then place a hand on his knee.

"Hi," you say with a sweet smile.

He looks back at you and he knows that you're here to have a good time, to enjoy yourself and there's a possibility that you might jump ships too but Changbin needs an answer from you about whether he should continue this or not, or do you have anything to tell him.

Changbin needs to know right now.

"So... how was the date?" He begins with an easy question.

"It was good."

You're looking chipper and radiant, it's something that he hasn't seen in these past few days.

"What did you guys do?"

"We chatted, had a few glasses of champagne... we got to know each other," you nonchalantly answer.

None of your answers are pleasing him but he's willing to continue with the interrogation.

"What do you think of him?"

You inhale air before talking, "He is so nice."

That's another answer that displeases him.

"And he was a little flirty to me," you tell him with a low chuckle.

Changbin immediately scoffs at that, "Of course, he was," he says, looking away to see the fire swaying along to the gust of wind.

"To be honest, I got a little flirty on him too," you admit.

He looks down at his lap and sees that your fingers are playing with the lint on the ripped part of his jeans. He doesn't want to hear what are you going to say next, he even regrets asking you about it in the first place.

"Then I told him about you," you suddenly add.

He looks up and sees you smiling at him, "yeah?"

"Yeah," you shortly replied.

You tip your head to the side and gaze into his eyes, "I told him that I'm seeing someone here," you confess.

Scratch his earlier remarks about regrets, Changbin's only regret now is for doubting you. He can't believe it still but now he knows he can continue with you.

Truthfully, Changbin doesn't even know how he would start things over with someone new.

"Were you worried I was going to do something?" You meekly ask.

Changbin hates to be seen as this pathetic guy but he can't lie about this, not when it tells you how much he likes you.

"Every second of it... it was just awful," he emphasizes it with a horrified look on his face.

Changbin has come to realize how much he likes you and he feels that it's safe for him to let you know that. Also, how would you know if he didn't tell you verbally?

"This process brought out a lot of emotions in me that I didn't even know I had," he endearingly shares as he puts his hand on yours.

You nod and say, "Yeah, me too."

Changbin slips his fingers between yours and holds your hand, "Come here," he says.

You scoot closer and then crawl toward him to sit in the space between his legs. You waste no time to rest your head on his chest and let out a delightful sigh as he puts his arms around you.

"Missed me?"

"A lot," he answers without a beat.

He tightens his arms around you along with a soft kiss on your neck, he then drags his mouth close to your ear and whispers, "I'm happy."

-

CHANGBIN: I feel more confident in us and I can't wait to keep building connections with her [smiles]

-

The new girl, Jax, is one gorgeous girl and there's no denying it, the other boys were practically drooling when they first saw her.

Changbin would understand if you feel a bit intimidated by her presence, just like how Gareth did to him. But you're not one to worry, the one who should be worried is Sabine because Changbin catches Jax and Oliver stealing glances at each other just now.

"Did you shower?" You ask as you nuzzle your head into his neck.

"Mmh," Changbin hums his answer.

You plant your nose in his neck and inhale his scent, humming as you snuggle close to him. He does the same, planting his nose in your shoulder only to playfully bite at it.

Instead of scolding him, you're giggling in his neck.

"I like it," you suddenly say.

"What?"

You drag your hand down his chest and lift the fabric to peek inside the sleeveless white top he's wearing.

"I like it more if you take it off," you whisper to him.

After what happened, Changbin realizes how much he likes you and when he likes someone, he will do anything for that person.

"Just say you want me to take it off," he says with a laugh.

"Well, it's up to you..." you coyly say with a flirty smile on your face.

Changbin sits on the bed and pulls his top over his head, putting the piece of clothing on the bedside table afterward.

"Mmh... yeah," you slyly smile as he lays down next to you.

The lights are out and the low chatter in the room dies down not long after but in the dark, that's when things happen.

You keep clinging to his body with your hands freely roaming around his body, feeling his muscles and squeezing at it. Your lips are pressing on the sensitive skin on his neck once in a while.

Then all of sudden, you get up to straddle him, and against the darkness of the room, he sees you taking your top off.

"What are you doing?" He keeps his voice low to not wake everyone else who's sleeping in the room.

Your half-naked body is hovering above him with mere inches between your faces, "What? I'm making it fair for us," you say with a kiss on his jaw.

It doesn't take a genius to know what you're doing. You're kissing his neck and chest with your nipples lightly grazing his bare chest, making the goosebumps on his arm rise.

Changbin allows you for that but when your lips are getting close to his lips, he immediately stops you by looking away.

Yet you continue your trail of kisses down his jaw, then you whisper into his air, "How about a kiss?"

This is a test for him and it's a difficult one. A part of him is dying to give you whatever it is you want but the other part, and unfortunately, the most stubborn part of him demands him to keep to his principle.

A kiss costs $6,000 and Changbin could bear the consequence of losing that much money but the problem is it's not just his money, it's everyone's.

He endearingly brushes your hair to the back and holds your face, "We can't."

It seems like you have expected that answer, "I know," you softly sigh.

You roll to the side to lay back on your side of the bed, clutching at the duvet as you groan, "I'm so horny..."

You best believe that it's not easy for him to say no to you, not when his head is full of filthy things he wants to do to you.

As a way to console you, he presses a long kiss on your cheek and neck. You suddenly pull him by the shoulder, hard enough to send him toppled on top of you.

"Put your whole body on me," you mutter.

"I'm heavy," he tells you like it isn't obvious enough.

You wrap your legs around him, forcing him to put his whole weight on you. Changbin quickly props an elbow against the mattress to spare a little space.

With both of your bodies pressed against each other, he can feel you differently, in an inexplicably intimate way.

Against the darkness that lingers in the room, he still can see your eyes gleaming as you stare at him as he stares into your eyes.

He swipes your lips with his thumb and for a split second, tempted to kiss it.

"You can kiss it you know," your voice is so low that it almost sounds like a whisper.

Once again, his stubborn part wins and he kisses you on the forehead instead.

"Goodnight," he sweetly speaks into your ear.

Without warning, you pull him closer until he collapses on top of you and keeps him close with your arms locked around him.

"Are you okay?" He quickly checks on you.

You bury your head in the crook of his neck and mumble, "You can crush me to death for all I care."

That makes him laugh in amusement, Changbin plants another kiss on the top of your head and gently pats at it.

-

CHANGBIN: The sexual tension is... unbearable [groans] but I want to do this right.

-

It's only afternoon but Sabine is already looking done with the day.

You respect people and their boundaries so you would usually wait for people to come to you first and they would when they're ready to talk.

However, the silence that hangs in the air once she steps into the dressing room is suffocating. You decide to, at least, check on her, making sure she's okay.

"Sabine, babe," you call as you rummage through your make-up pouch.

"You're way too pretty to have frown lines," you tell her with a smile.

Sabine aggressively reclines on her chair then lets out a long sigh, sending her long hair dangling down the back and almost touching the floor.

"You okay?" You ask her as you continue doing your make-up.

"I don't know," she sighs again.

She picks up a hairbrush next but does nothing with it, she's holding it in her hand as she continues talking, "It's Oliver."

It must be about the date and you knew Oliver screwed up, you could tell from the moment he got chosen for the date. Also, it's not hard to read a guy like Oliver, he's a player and a few days in the retreat won't instantly change that. Not that it's impossible, but it takes time to get the game out of a player.

"What happened?" You ask even though you guessed the gist of it in your head.

Sabine looks straight ahead and starts talking, "He went on a date yesterday made me realize that my feelings for him are genuine," she explains.

You nod to show her that you're intently listening to her even though you're busy doing your eyebrows, "Yeah."

She then draws a long breath to continue talking and combing her hair with her fingers, "But I know his type, I know how good they are at lying so yeah, I don't fully trust him so I asked Jax about the date."

You didn't know why you thought she was that naive. Sabine knows the kind of guy she's with.

"And what she said?"

Sabine puts her feet up on her chair and hugs them close to her chest, "She said that he went in for a kiss."

It's predictable but it's surprising to hear your assumption is right.

You pause doing your make-up and gasp, "What?"

Sabine is drawing circles on her knee with her finger as she continues talking, "Oliver didn't kiss her but he said it's because he didn't want to lose money..."

She takes a shaky breath and puts all of her hair on one shoulder, "And not because of me, he didn't even mention me at all."

You put down everything you're holding and put all of your attention on her, "Oh, no... babe," you coo.

"I like him for real because..." she pauses to gulp air and holding in her tears

"Now I'm genuinely hurt," her voice breaks at the end of the sentence.

You get up from your chair to come and hug her, putting your arms around her to comfort her before getting back to your chair.

"I think you should confront him about it. Obviously, you don't want to waste time on him if he doesn't want the same thing," you suggest, hoping that it would help her know what to do next.

Sabine sniffles and puts her feet down, she pulls her chair close to the table, leaning close to the mirror to fix her make-up.

"I'll take to him once they're back from the workshop," she says, now picking up her brush to add blush to her cheeks.

You always take Sabine as this cool girl who likes to make boys cry but at this moment, she looks fragile and insecure, she's just like any other girl and so are you.

-

YOU: I just knew that Oliver would mess up but I didn't think he would really do that to Sabine.

-

Lana is aware that these past few days have been tense for everyone and with the arrival of two new guests, she throws a party in the villa tonight.

Dressing up feels useless now that Changbin has no intention of doing anything to you and that somehow affects your mood, you don't feel like partying tonight.

You choose to sit this one down with him and quietly sip your wine while watching everyone else dancing to the music blasting around the villa.

Eventually, Nico and Rita join you in the firepit and you couldn't be more grateful that your matchmaking is a huge success.

"Nico, I'm impressed you're not all over the new girl," you jokingly say.

Rita looks at him, trying to intimidate him while giggling close to his face, "You can be honest," she tells him.

Nico shakes his head in false terror, "Nah, I don't want to get in trouble," he says.

Rita smiles in approval as Nico puts his arm around her, pulling her closer to his side even though there's no space left between them.

"Changbin, you couldn't possibly still be mad about our kiss, right?" Rita jokingly asks.

You turn to look at Changbin, wanting to see how he reacts to that question. He's been giving you vague signs whether he is still holding a grudge about it or not.

"Mad? Who got mad?" Changbin jokes back with a grin.

Rita flashes you a questioning glance then she turns to look at him, "Then how about you guys kiss and then we'll kiss?"

"I'm in!" Nico excitedly welcomed that idea.

You turn your head at Changbin and put the ball in his court, leaning close to his face, puckering your lips to tease him.

"Are you scared?" Rita teases him.

"I'm not," Changbin replies with a half smirk.

You take his chin and turn his head to look at you, "Kiss me then," you dare him.

Since he's not doing anything, you keep leaning in closer and closer and Changbin is backing away to avoid you. You stop before you embarrass yourself

"See? He pulls away first," you tell Rita with a shrug.

-

YOU: I am already sexually frustrated here and now it seems like I'm going to be touch-deprived as well [sighs]

-

Lana is the worst party host.

She abruptly stops the party and calls everyone to the cabana, it's not a good sign when she has to get in the middle of the party.

Changbin prepares himself for whatever is about to come out of that cone's mouth and his heart drops when he hears that anxiety-inducing chime.

"Did anyone break the rules?" Liam asks around.

Sabine crosses her arms and leans back, "I don't know about anyone else but I'm celibate."

Sabine is looking so upset about something when she says it and Changbin notices that Oliver has been eerily quiet the whole night.

"I stressed the importance of being committed to my process and a few people are falling short on that goal," Lana begins

Changbin can tell right away that something bad is going to happen tonight and he's not ready. He fears that it's going to happen to him or worse, you.

"It's clear that I need to streamline the group and two of you must leave the retreat tonight," Lana announces.

Everyone is gasping in shock, the tension is rising and no one is safe at this point. It's like Changbin's fears manifested into reality and he's dreading it, he doesn't want to leave.

He sees that you're looking calm but he notices your hands are clasped together on your lap, you must be stressed inside, considering that you broke the rules multiple times.

"The first person to leave the retreat is..."

-

CHANGBIN: I don't like this at all.

-

No one wants to hear what Lana is going to say but there's no avoiding it, this is her retreat, her rules, she's the one in control here.

"Niamh."

Niamh seems to have sensed that it's her, she smiles the second she hears her name and tears start rolling down her cheeks.

"Oh!" A broken gasp escapes Rita's mouth as she turns to the side to hug her.

Changbin didn't get to know Niamh well but she's been a complete shut-in and doesn't seem like she wants to build a connection at all. He believes the reason why Lana chose her is because she has the lowest possibility of forming a meaningful relationship.

"It's okay," she says while wiping her tears-soaked cheeks but she can't hide her disappointment from everyone.

"The second person to leave the retreat is..."

There's a huge chance that it'll be from one of the boys so

Changbin holds his breath again, getting more nervous than before.

"Shane."

He happens to sit next to you and you instantly rest your head on his shoulder while Changbin pats him on his knee, feeling like he's losing a friend even though he's only known him for days.

"It is now time for both of you to leave the retreat," Lana orders.

You kiss Shane on the cheek before letting him get up from the sofa to say goodbye to everyone and so is Niamh. She joined him in front of everyone to say goodbye for one last time.

"I hope this reminds the rest of you to take this process more seriously."

And just like that, Lana leaves with dark clouds hanging over everyone's heads.

-

CHANGBIN: That is one tough pill to swallow.

-

That should be a wake-up call for anyone to try and do better in this retreat.

Changbin considers himself lucky for not getting sent home tonight and he's still staying, being given another chance to continue building connections with you.

However, Lana demands emotional connections, not physical ones.

There's no denying that he has a strong physical connection with you and that should be the least of his worries. As of this moment, Changbin wants to focus on growing his emotional connection with you.

"Gosh, it feels empty already..." Liam says from the bed across the room.

Everyone's eyes shift in the direction of where Shane and Niamh shared a bed which is now empty.

You turn on the bed to face him and place a hand on his chest, before placing it on his jaw with your thumb tenderly rubbing his cheek.

"Are you okay?" You softly ask.

This is one of the times when he needed you the most. He doesn't reply but rests his head on your chest, letting you softly scratch his head with your finger.

And in a time like this, Changbin is convinced that he has emotional connections with you. There's no other reason why he feels like he can seek comfort from you if not because he's comfortable enough to be vulnerable around you.

-

CHANGBIN: I don't want to play around anymore. I want to grow with her.

-

With the girls out for a workshop, Changbin takes the time to get a little sun by the swimming pool with Oliver occupying the lounger next to him.

Changbin seems to have missed something yesterday but he notices that something is going on between Oliver and Sabine.

Oliver spills everything right away and Changbin only realizes it now that Oliver is younger than him which explains his reckless action.

"So you went back from the date with Jax and you said something stupid implying that you're not serious with Sabine?" Changbin concludes out of Oliver's explanation.

Oliver sneers at that, probably realizing how much at fault he is, "Pretty much, yeah."

Changbin lets out a chuckle and takes a sip of water from his tumbler. He knows Oliver is old enough to know that this is his own doing but Changbin feels like he's seeking some bits of advice from him.

"You know you have this connection with Sabine and you're here to develop that connection," Changbin chooses his words carefully to avoid sounding like he's being so self-righteous.

"You just need to control your urges a little," he adds.

Oliver sighs at the last bit, aware that that's his main problem, not being able to control his physical urges.

"But Jax is so... hot like... how come I didn’t think of her sexually when she's that fit?" Oliver innocently says.

Changbin immediately slaps his thigh hard enough that it leaves a mark on his alabaster skin.

"Hey, emotionally! Not physical!" He reminds him.

Oliver laughs, feeling like he's a little kid being scolded by his parents. He recognizes this typical attribute because Changbin has been there once, playing the cool guy who acts like it doesn't bother him but deep down, he does care.

"I know you want to act cool like you don't care about her but you have the chance to make it better, it's not too late," he tells him.

Oliver gets quiet and looks straight ahead, letting a moment pass without a word. Then a minute later, he nods and says, "I'm going to talk to her later."

As a motivation, Changbin gives him a pat on the shoulder, "You can do it, man!"

On the other hand, Lana has been quiet the whole day but that only makes Changbin more suspicious.

When she finally calls everyone to the cabana, he knows he is right to be suspicious, especially at the sight of small boxes on the table.

"Is it Christmas?" Rita playfully comments.

"Have we been here that long?" Nico adds with a chuckle.

Changbin is skeptical that it's going to be a gift, maybe it is but there has to be a catch to it. He knows Lana well enough to know the motive of everything she does.

"Hello, everyone!" The cone chimes.

"Yes, Lana!" Riley shouts, being the loudest to answer to her.

"As you can see, I have a treat for you all," Lana announces, confirming everyone's guesses are true.

Everyone is cheering but Changbin is the only one struggling to accept the fact that Lana is being generous to the group.

"Ooh..." Liam coos in excitement, rubbing his hands together while looking at the box in front of him.

"The purpose of this gift will further enhance your relationships going forward. You may now open your gifts," Lana orders.

No one wastes their time to take their boxes and open them, finding a watch inside. You help him put it around his wrist and he helps you with yours after.

"When I observe two people forming genuine connections, they will be given a green light, like this..."

Lana demonstrates it by turning everyone's watches green at the same time.

"...where the rules do not apply for a limited amount of time."

"This looks good on you," you compliment him.

Changbin flexes his bicep to show it off, "I'll keep close to it with a tense bicep," he jokes.

His first thought is, of course, he wants to get a green light with you and that can be accomplished with emotional growth.

"We have reached the half of the retreat so please use your time wisely," Lana leaves with a gentle reminder that some of us should have accomplished something at this point.

With these watches, Changbin is highly motivated to build an emotional connection with you.

-

CHANGBIN: We don't need to lose money now because Lana will reward us if we do something right.

-

Uhm... you wouldn't say you're jealous to see Liam and Riley getting a date from Lana, but you know you just hate to admit it.

It would be nice to go on a date with Changbin because things feel way too alright and you crave a little spark here and there.

For someone who loves getting physical affection, it's exciting that you have the watch and the promise that Lana will reward anyone who shows genuine emotional connection with a green light.

You're not that optimistic that you'd get it but who knows?

The night is warm and you're holding a glass of wine, sitting next to an extremely attractive man.

Changbin is wearing a printed shirt with dark jeans, what you like the most is how his muscles bulge out of those short sleeves.

"You look good, babe," you compliment him with a smile.

"I'm not saying that to try to get a green light," you quickly add.

You know better that a compliment wouldn't get you a green light but because he simply earned it.

You put your legs over his lap and look at him, tilting your head to look him through your lashes.

"You're so sexy and cute and big and gentle..." you compliment him more.

Then you lean into his ear and whisper, "You're irresistible."

Getting no reaction from you, you pout and meekly ask, "Am I not appealing to you anymore?"

"No, baby. No," he strongly denies.

You feel pathetic saying that but at least, you finally get his attention now.

He reaches for your head, endearingly caressing your head, "you are beautiful," he sweetly compliments.

He then takes a good look at you with his hand gliding down your arm until he meets your hand, "Head to toe, I admire all of it," he compliments again.

You deeply look into his eyes and ask, "And you don't feel some type of way?"

Changbin inhales air, his fingers are intertwined with yours on your lap. He seems to know the reason why you asked him that.

"I know you want to break a rule," he says.

"I do," you shortly confirm, beating around the bush will only waste time.

Changbin once again gets quiet, you can't tell if he's mulling things over in his head or if he has no words to say to that.

"I don't think we should be punished for having a connection," you give your opinion.

"But that's what we're here for," he simply responds.

You swallow air to stay calm and keep your tone in check, "I know but I think we shouldn't be adamant about spending the money," you give him a solid de

Changbin nods and a moment later, he comes up with a response to your words.

"I think there's no reason for us to break rules now."

He places his hand on your knee and tenderly rubs the skin with his thumb, "We have these watches and we just need to do this right and Lana will reward us with a green light."

You get it that he's trying to be on Lana's good side but the way he completely shot you down... It almost feels like he forces this decision on both of you and you don't get a say on it.

"Yeah, right," you half-heartedly reply and then drain your glass of wine cause the night suddenly feels cold to you.

-

YOU: Ugh! I'm so frustrated. I don't know how much longer I can take this.

-

Everyone is cheering when Liam and Riley return from their date.

They look happy as they become the first to get the first green light. They're not the only ones looking happy, it looks like Sabine and Oliver have made up as they're being lovey-dovey on their bed.

Truthfully, you're happy for both of them but it's hard when you're struggling with your relationship. You feel like, as a couple, you're at a standstill.

Liam and Riley got a green light, you see Sabine and Oliver, they're not perfect but it's endearing to see them overcoming things together.

Then you look at what you have and Changbin, it's alright, it's okay but that's not enough for you. This thought leads you spiraling down, you wonder about everything that is wrong with you and what could've been the source of the problem.

Without intending to, you begin to feel insecure about yourself, questioning everything, including your feelings until it overwhelms you.

When you wake up in the morning, you feel like doing nothing. As if you have the choice, you drag yourself out of bed and get ready for the day. It seems pointless now doing all of this.

"How are you doing, my darling?" Sabine asks.

"Feel like shit," you honestly reply.

Sabine takes her turn to be the one who comes to your aid after you did the same role to him days ago. She reaches across the table to place her hand on your forearm.

"Is it about Changbin? Are you guys alright?" She lowers her voice since the other girls are also in the room.

"I don't like that he's like... 'we're not going to do anything physical'," you tell her while dampening your cotton pad with toner.

"Like... give me something. Fuck!" You lowly curse, putting your suppressed anger into that profanity.

You toss the dirty cotton pads away and let out a long sigh even though it no longer helps you to calm down, "It's like he's cockblocking himself."

"Oh, my God!" Sabine gasps with a horrified look on her face.

Even Sabine can't find any words to say to help you with your crisis because it's that bad and of course, Lana knows about your bad day so she comes to make it worse.

At this point, you give up on trying to guess Lana's intentions and just go with it.

"Hello, everyone," Lana opens her session as usual.

"Hello, Lana!" Sabine cheerily responds next to you.

It's not hard to spot where Changbin when he's the biggest of all of the boys and he's sitting on the far end of the sofa.

"I am pleased to see that several of you have developed romantic connections during your time here," Lana says.

Not sure which couple she deems as romantic but you're sure as hell it's not you.

"But for these relationships to succeed in the long-term, it is vital that you trust each other to resist temptation."

Jax dramatically gasps from the other side of you, "Uh-oh!"

That sure sounds like Lana is brewing something and you're aware you wanted to stop guessing but... old habits die hard.

"Today, I will be putting that to the test."

Oh? Another test? You have done it once and barely passed it, you're not keen on going through that again.

"With the help of two new arrivals."

New guests, huh? So yeah, you don't want to be involved in any drama, not when you're going through something right now.

"The first new arrival is... Javi."

You already have too much in your head to add something else to worry about.

"The second new arrival is... Gia."

And you don't want to do anything, you want to curl up into a ball and be left alone.

"Two of you will be going on private dates with the new arrivals."

Is there a way where you can escape Lana just for a day? A few hours will do.

"They have selected the guests they are most attracted to from a choice of those in relationships."

Everyone else is busy freaking out at Lana's announcement while you keep dissociating yourself from what's happening.

"Javi has chosen to go on a date with..."

You reel yourself back into reality and notice that everyone is looking so tense.

"...Sabine."

It seems like the table has turned. First, it was Oliver and now, Sabine is being picked for the date. You can see the slight panic on Oliver's face.

But then what if...?

"And Gia has chosen to go on a date with..."

You look over at Changbin and feel a little nervous that he'd get picked, well, even if he did get picked and his head turned, then it would only reassure you about the true state of your relationship.

"...Liam."

Yet here you are, letting out a sigh of relief knowing that he didn't get chosen for the date.

-

YOU: I'm– [sighs] I'm starting to second-guess what I have with Changbin.

-

Everyone else is buzzing with the new arrivals and all the drama surrounding it, except Changbin.

Everyone has been behaving lately and no one is breaking the rules, everything is going so well so Changbin wonders why you're sitting by yourself looking rather upset about something.

He comes up to you, putting on a smile when you glance up from your glass of wine.

"Hey," he says as he takes a seat next to you.

You hold your drink in the other hand and meekly reply, "Hi."

It's like the girl he met is slowly disappearing from you, you look down and low-spirited, and the sparks in your eyes are somehow dimming.

"How are you feeling?" He asks.

You scratch the back of your neck and weakly smile, "Right now, I'm a little bit lost," you answer.

Lost? Lost as in you don't know where to go or what to do anymore? But the more important question to ask is... is it about you and him?

You uncross your legs and put away your drink, looking serious as you start talking to him, "I do value physical affection and I feel like I wasn't getting what I needed from you," you tell him.

Changbin tilts his head to the side, feeling accused of something he didn't do. He's been treating you well and trying to do better every day so yeah, he won't easily accept you just said to him.

"I told you that there's no reason why we should break rules now," he reminds you of the things he has said to you once.

It seems like you have so many things to say to him but not wanting to let it out, but he's noticing how your jaws are clenched and unclenched.

"We're supposed to work on our connection and I've been opening up so much to you but you're not," you reply to him.

He's not going to lie, you hit him hard with that one. He admits you've been so open to him and what he gave back to you? Not so much.

"Being more open... that's not easy for me," he honestly admits.

"I know," you answer.

"And I've seen you trying but it's been a while now and it feels like we're not going anywhere," you look away and let out a low sigh.

It makes his head hurt how you misunderstood everything and doubted him when all he does is try to do what's right.

"I like you," he says to you, running out of things to say to convince you.

"But you don't show me that and I started to think that maybe it's not because of the money..." Your voice is quivering and you pause to inhale air.

Changbin lets you finish talking because he knows you still have a lot to utter to him.

You brush your hair to the back and sigh, "You make me feel so insecure and I don't like that," you conclude.

Not only that half of what you said is not true, Changbin is a little annoyed at how haste you conclude things. He also doesn't like how you doubt him, questioning everything when he thinks that he has shown you everything he has.

Changbin has a lot to say to that but he doesn't want to do the same thing, being haste about it and saying things he didn't mean.

-

CHANGBIN: I don't want to give up on her but I need some time to think things through.

-

It's the first time in the retreat you wake up feeling not excited, you wake up letting out a long sigh instead.

Lana chimes in for her morning greeting so you drag yourself out of the duvet and sit up on the bed with your back resting against the headboard.

"Good morning, everyone!"

A few are sleepily answering to her while the others are still struggling to open their eyes.

"Javi and Gia, I trust that you sleep well," Lana says, talking to the new guests.

Gia turns to look at everyone in the room, "are there usually noises in the middle of the night?"

"What noises?" Liam asks.

"Like smooching sounds..." Gia proceeds to describe the noises she heard last night.

To be completely honest, you're hearing your own thoughts all night to hear anything else.

"From where?"

Gia shakes her head, "No idea."

Well, wherever that smooching sound coming from, it's definitely not from your bed. You wake up next to Changbin but this morning, it feels like you're merely there for the sole reason that is sharing the bed and nothing more.

"How is it going with our big guy?" Sabine asks as the two of you are doing your make-up in the dressing room.

"I talked to him last night," you answer.

Sabine twists her hair before putting it on one shoulder, "And how did it go?"

You squeeze a dollop of moisturizer on the back of your hand and slowly dab it on your face, "a lot of stuff been said, a lot of stuff going down..."

Sabine turns on her feet to face you, "What's going on?"

Your shoulders slumped as you let out a sigh, "I honestly don't want to talk about it," you tell her.

As much as you want to tell her everything, talking about last night only makes you feel sad and you don't want to let it bring you down further.

-

YOU: The ball is on Changbin's court now so let's see what he's going to do with it.

-

Just because there's drama going on with you, that doesn't mean you're not aware that the new guy, Javi, has been secretly checking you out since last night.

Just now, you notice him clocking you out while you're chilling in the swimming pool with Jax.

After a while, he realizes that you know so he swims in your direction and stops right in front of you.

Beads of water are dripping down his tattooed body, he brushes his wet hair to the back and smiles at you.

"Hey, how are you girls doing?" He greets both of you, but his eyes are only looking at you.

"Good. You?" Jax answers.

You decide not to say anything but lock in a gaze with him, those light brown eyes are piercing right through you.

Javi looks away to glance at Jax and a moment later, puts his eyes on you again, more intense than before.

"Red looks good on you," he compliments.

The way he's looking at you, it's like he's doing something unspokenly filthy with those eyes.

"I know," you coyly say with a half smirk.

Javi flicks his eyes to your lips for a second then intensely stares into your eyes before brushing his hair to the back again.

"See you girls later," he says, then continues swimming to the other end of the pool.

Jax nudges your side with her eyes watching Javi swimming away, "Look at those shoulders," she whispers.

"I know," you mutter back, getting that fluttering feeling as you recall the way he looked at you.

The reason Lana has been quiet lately is because she's been collecting the receipts and you believe she's going to expose them soon.

And just like you have predicted, she gathers everyone in the bedroom when you're still getting ready for the night. Even though you have to third-wheel Liam and Riley, you decide to sit on their bed because it's much closer to the door back to the dressing room.

"Hello, everyone!" Lana starts.

"Hi, Lana!" The group replies in unison, not sure about everyone else but you're not that excited to hear her voice.

"You have received watches as part of the next stage of your development at my retreat. Unfortunately, some of you have still decided to disobey my rules."

See? You know she's been quiet for a reason, not because she didn't know people had been secretly breaking the rules.

Nico raises his hand and speaks up, "I'm just going to straight up telling you guys that Rita and I kissed," he bravely confesses.

"I'm sorry," Rita quickly adds with an adorable pout.

Everyone let that one slide because someone is quick to claim with their rulebreak and it's making it easier for everyone to assess the damage.

"This breach of rules has cost the group $6,000," Lana announces.

Here is the time for the animosity to fill the air, the cone is still lighting up so it means she's not done, there must be another rule break.

"Okay, who else wants to fess up?" Changbin says and he looks confident saying that because there's nothing happened last night, or anything before that for that matter.

"You're looking nervous there, Gareth," Liam points out, shifting everyone's attention to him.

Gareth doesn't put on a good poker face, he keeps rubbing his chin with both of his ears reddening. You look at Jax and she's only giggling next to him.

"Oh, God!" Sabine groans with her hand flying to her forehead.

Gareth finally faces everyone and lets out a nervous laugh, "We had a moment last night, we uh..." he starts, now scratching his ears, flustered.

"With all of us in the room?" Riley asks in disbelief.

"We what?" Oliver presses him.

"We started with a kiss," Gareth continues, stammering as he speaks, "Then we wanted to..."

"Mate, stop stalling," Oliver presses him more.

Poor Gareth, he's under a lot of pressure right now and Jax is right there, leaving his man facing it alone. After a moment though, she finally finishes it for him.

"I gave him a hand job, no big deal," she nonchalantly admits.

There's a mix of reactions but most of them are disappointed groans. Apart from the fact that he spent money, you understand Gareth's struggle though.

"That's so selfish!" Changbin says loud enough for everyone to hear.

Except for Changbin probably, he doesn't understand the struggle because he's Lana's loyal disciple.

"Jax and Gareth, I must inform you that your rule breaks have resulted in a total of $16,000," Lana announces.

The groans are filling the room and everyone is sure not tolerating what Gareth and Jax did because they're only been here for barely a week now.

"The prize fund now stands at $139,000," Lana updates.

-

YOU: It seems like Changbin is too busy worrying about the money than our relationship [scoffs]

-

The vibe gets a little off in the villa ever since Lana announced the current prize fund.

You finish your make-up quickly and get out of the villa, get a drink for yourself, and then sit on the lounger.

The night is warm with cool air blowing your way, you look up and see the stars like pinpricks on the night sky, it's a beautiful night, too bad you don't have anyone to share it with.

"May I sit?" Someone asks.

You turn on your seat to see Javi standing with a drink in his hand, looking good in a black t-shirt and blue jeans and no everyone can't look that attractive in such a casual attire.

"Yes, please," you tell him with a smile.

He then sits on the lounger next to you, sitting facing you with your knees almost touching in the middle.

"How are you?" He asks.

"I'm good," you lie, in the hope that if you believed it enough, it'd come true, "You?"

"Great!" He shortly answers with a bright smile, showcasing his perfect white teeth.

You respond with a smile then take a sip of your wine, your eyes are quietly looking at the tattoos peeking out of the neckline of his t-shirt.

"You look amazing," he compliments with yet another bright smile.

"Thank you," you say, suddenly so aware of yourself that you cross your legs together.

"I like the dress. It suits you well," he compliments again.

Javi sure knows how to amuse a girl, complimenting you to the tiniest details just to let you know that he pays attention to you.

"Thank you," you say again.

Javi takes a sip of his drink before putting his attention back to you, "I actually can't believe how beautiful you are," he sweetly compliments again.

You crack a shy laugh and thank him again, suddenly having problems accepting compliments.

"It's nice to finally be able to talk to you," he says.

"Why is that so?" You curiously ask.

"As soon as I looked at you, you caught my eyes but I obviously didn't want to step on anyone's toes," Javi openly shares, avoiding using Changbin's name.

"Really?" You ask.

"Yes," He answers with a nod then buries his head in his hands, probably to hide his reddening cheeks.

And you like that in contrast to his appearance, he gets shy as he's talking to you.

"I like that you're shy, it's sexy," you compliment him back with a satisfied grin.

"Well, I'm trying to..." he can't finish his sentence without shyly laughing.

Javi takes a big gulp of his wine and swallows it down fast, he looks a little nervous so whatever he's going to say next it's important to him.

"So, what do you think the sleeping arrangements will be?" He asks.

Oh? He's quite aggressive and you like that. It reminds you of someone you used to know but unfortunately, he's not that man anymore and Javi seems to be more than glad to take that role.

You tilt your head to the side and ask, "What do you want it to be?"

Javi is giving you that gaze again, the kind of gaze that slowly strips you away from your senses, making you a little crazy.

"I think you'd look much better in my bed," he boldly remarks.

You're not sure if it's because he's so attractive, a bit aggressive or if it's because you're just so desperate for some attention and some touches.

Either way, you want in.

-

YOU: I've been waiting for Changbin but he clearly has not gotten the message so I might have to explore some other options here.

-

The longer he's away from you the more Changbin realizes that he doesn't want to give up on you.

He's indeed worrying too much about the rules and the money that he forgets that the point of this retreat is to build a connection. He admits that his plan has backfired on him.

The worst of all, he's been forcing this on you without asking you how you feel about it.

That's fatal and he understands now why you're so mad. He doesn't know why it took him this long but he's ready to have another talk with you again.

This time, he promises to be more open because you deserve it, you deserve better.

After drying his hair, Changbin tosses the towel into the laundry basket and makes his way to the bedroom. He has nothing in his mind, he's just going get in there and wait for you on his bed.

Once he pushes the door though, he's not expecting to see you getting on Javi's bed. He has to take a second to register what he's seeing before snapping himself out of it. He continues his way to his bed, collapsing onto the mattress and trying hard to ignore how Javi is cuddling you on the bed opposite his.

"You're okay, Bin?" Nico asks from the bed next to him.

Changbin plays it cool by giving him a thumbs up in response.

Well, to be honest, he's mad, he feels like walking up to you and asks, 'What the fuck?

He planned on talking to you but how is he going to do that if you're on someone's bed?

-

CHANGBIN: I really wanted to believe that this was going in the right decision but I just believed it too soon.

-

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[buckybarnesss]

The idea of Derek being present in season 5 and being supportive of Stiles intrigues me because of the potential contrast to Stiles & Malia. Malia knew about Donovan but didn't care in the way that Stiles needed her to when he was struggling. Which isn't her fault - she's not human, didn't grow up human, and thus has no understanding of WHY Stiles would be upset.

Malia is definitely one of the characters I think JD mishandled the most.

The potential Scott vs Derek is delicious, because they both went through the Nogitsune ordeal, and because Derek also trusts Stiles implicitly, whereas that trust between Scott and Stiles is frayed.

Derek and the sheriff would 100% destroy any and all evidence against Stiles. It wouldn't even be a question in their minds.

do not get me started on malia tate and how badly she was mishandled. i know she isn't the most popular character but i love her and she deserved so much better than what they gave her.

derek in s5 would've been so intriguing. i was actually making a list of why derek couldn't be in s5 because it'd just break everything.

he'd take one look at theo and called him a great value version of peter and theo would have to no choice but to die of shame

would help and support malia with killing corrine because corrine is trying to kill her.

also it'd be really interesting for derek to have to confront the idea that talia hale forced someone to carry a pregnancy they didn't want in addition to removing peter's memories of it which removed peter's agency in the situation.

he would definitely been able to help liam with his control and be someone liam could actually turn to for advice and help when he felt like scott wasn't listening.

if liam bonded with and grew to trust derek it would've been a great echo of the situation with isaac back in s3. scott could've felt jealous and threatened over it.

he also probably could've been useful with helping kira find control over her fox thereby rendering the skin walker plot useless.

derek would've figured out jordan was a hellhound.

the scott and derek dynamic would've been interesting as fuck because scott was failing as an alpha in the way derek did and scott wasn't very understanding of derek's failures and short comings.

he would've been such a great support system for stiles which would've undermined theo's entire agenda. derek would've never doubted stiles not after everything they'd been through together.

i would've loved to hear his thoughts about the whole le bête situation and how he would've handled that with the argents. like fuck off and die already gerard.

[rextile]

TMF EP 11 SPOILERS !!!!

UHDJSHSHS;AN THE FIGHT SCENE WITH DREW MADE ME SO UPSET,,, AND NOT BC OF DREW IM JUST UPSET BC OF LIAM N HENRY

THEY CLEARLY WANTED TO BEFRIEND JAKE AGAIN AND PROBABLY WOULDVE GOTTEN ALONG WITH THE MUSIC CLUB BUT ALSO DREWS THEIR FRIEND ASWELL AND AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

WHILE LIAM DOES LOOK A BIT ANGRY HENRY TAKES ANOTHER GLANCE AT JAKE WHILE WALKING AWAY AND IT BREAKS ME

WHY ARE MY FAVOURITE CHARACTERS SIDE CHARACTERS THAT DONT HAVE AN OUNCE OF PLOT RELEVANCE CRIES SOBS THROWS UP

[shatcey]

1st anniversary (Victor)

William Victor Victor epilogue Liam Liam epilogue

In this part of the event, you could choose between William, Victor, Elbert, Alfons and Roger. I didn't even consider the latter (sorry… I just don't like big guys, not my type, as I recently realized. I'm very slow). But everyone else… It's very tempting. And the idea of saving the story was also extremely tempting. And the fact that I'll probably never read it again won't stop me. It is saved, and I can re-read it at any time… That's all that matters.

So, I chose William with both endings because… why not. And I couldn't choose another one. I didn't want to waste resources on this part of the event, because on the second one will be Ellis AND Jude and I want them both. I really did said that.

After William's story, I got a little worried. I don't wanna think about depressing and upsetting things on the anniversary. So… Elbert somehow disappeared. And Alfie… I can't even find the strength to start his route, how can I choose his event?.. So, the logical conclusion led me to Victor.

It was an absolutely logical decision. Not the birdcage you get for completing the premium ending… And, of course, not the opportunity to buy his epilogue. I'm still considering this option…

So...

If in Will's story was many reminiscences from the prologue, then Victor's story goes even further… There are a lot of reminiscences not only from the prologue, but also from previous events.

Victor once again asks William to decide whether Kate is suitable for this job or not, because… he cannot decide for himself. But William, smiling slyly, turned him down.

Right... he already did it ones. Your turn!

Victor goes to his room, remembering why he hired Kate in the first place.

At that moment, Kate noticed Victor and approached him. She was looking for him to gave her report. And suddenly…

Kate was surprised at first, and he really thought he had been rejected. But she explained that he had never asked her out before… This is the first time. When she gladly agreed and offered to visit some other place. They went to the train.

Victor continues to think that to choose and silence are becoming quite unsettling. Kate starts talking about boys, just to break the ice. Vic thinks they don't know much about each other outside of work.

At the next station, Vic open the window and explain to Kate that if you do so, a flower seller will approach them. So he did. Vic asks what her favorite flower is.

I'm really curious what happened to these flowers? Because… they run around all day, and no one mentioned flowers after that. And yes, it was very sweet of him. But I remember how annoying it is to carry flowers while you on the date… (exhales) Ok…

So they went to another city, and Kate really enjoyed it so very much.

Vic remembers their interaction at different events

"Erase love"? Now I'm scared...

This is from Luxury Liner event

I think it's from the Black wedding event

And he thinks Kate always wanted to stay by his side. It's clear that the Crown benefits from her presence, but what about Kate? Vic noticed that Kate was having fun and decided to follow suit.

They went down to the city and there was a competition. They are, of course, desided participate. And Vic found something in common with her

They win, probably because they look so dashing, and everyone else is too distracted. He, as usual, shows his trick with a pigeon. I can't separate one from the other anymore.

And after that, they return by train. Kate thanks him for a wonderful day and says she will never forget it. And suddenly she mentioned that Vic doesn't do anything without a reason. He agrees and tells her that he decides to let her stay or release her from work. She suddenly felt very sad when she remembered her life before the crown

She asks to be allowed to stay. She likes this job, she thinks she has a lot to learn from Victor, and then she turns around to leave… The next stop is theirs…

Victor, looking at her back, realised…

I'm getting goosebumps from that line… It's so cute))) And look at his face... he's so pretty here...

He hugs her from behind and tells her that he thinks

Awwww… But no, he ended up saying, "Would you continue to be a fairy teller?". It's a pity. What a wonderful declaration of love it could be.

She happily agrees, and after that they go to the park. She asks him to go on a date without reason next time. He thinks she probably likes him, but he can't afford to get too attached to her.

And I'm not sure about this translation, so I'll show you the original

So… He doesn't want her to become one of the victims of his curse, but he cannot figure out the nature of his feelings for her. Something like that. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I bought his epilogue. But too many story events going at the same time have burned out my brain, and I need time to recover. But I will definitely read it later. It must be very interesting.

About this story. I didn't expect Victor to think so much, considering how easy-going and light headed he seems to be. And at first I was a little worried that this story would turn out to be as dark as Williams'. But Victor is as predictable as the weather, so it's always fun to be around.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

🔝 Start page 🔝

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[neverafuckgiven]

So I finally watched the rest of the latest Campaign 3 episode. I don't really get all of the fuss the fans were making, saying all of the cast were mad at Taliesen? Like we've all been at that table where someone takes a big risk and being stressed the fuck out, but it's not friendship ending for fucks sake. They were worried and upset, but they don't hate him. I'm wondering if these fans watched the same episode?

On a calmer note, this episode both stressed me out and made me so ridiculously happy. We got a Callowmoore kiss (although I don't know how much I'm reading into it/it didn't feel necessarily romantic to me) and some very sweet moments between them.

We got Imogen and Laudna having a very heartbreaking scene where Laudna wants Imogen to move on and Imogen actually goes to the Dawnfather's temple. She's never done that before, willingly prayed or sought comfort in a god, but she is that afraid of losing Laudna.

Ashton's whole scene at the end? It's just interesting that Ashton says they're a team and they never leave anyone behind, but I don't know if he genuinely thought he'd be strong enough to handle the shard on his own or if he didn't want to put anyone else through that. They wanted it to just be him and Fearne, but his whole family ran to help them (chetney less so but I get it) and they're the ones that kept Ashton from falling apart. (it's a metaphor maybe, probably not intentionally)

(also when Imogen tries to pull Orym out, he doesn't go. He eventually backs away "probably not fast enough" I think is what Liam says, but Orym looks so fucking devastated "why did he do that" Orym's background dialogue and expressions were amazing and terrible ugh)

Also Deanna's ring saving Ashton. Deanna. Cleric of the Dawnfather. Who gave Chetney that ring out of love. FCG and Fearne staying to heal Ashton repeatedly despite the risk. Their friends rushing forward and doing whatever they can to save them

Look, I am both okay and not okay

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

i think that we didn’t get enough information on mickey’s arrest.

i mean, we literally didn’t, they didn’t confirm that he and sammi had both been arrested until the recap in 6x01- so they literally chose not to add the footage in 5x12. but i think that there’s more to the lack of information than just not seeing him handcuffed.

why did sammi know that mickey had tried to kill her, but not debbie? could sammi hear them plotting? i could see her coming after debbie more than i could see her coming after mickey, even if she did despise him. she knew debbie was more valuable to the gallagher’s (no hate to mickey, but fiona and lip weren’t too fond of him), so if she did hear, i could see her plotting against debbie. and in 10x08, we do hear terry talk about how no matter what, people are always going to assume it was a milkovich even if it wasn’t, so it’s likely that she just pointed it on mickey and they went with it. however, sammi and multiple other people would be able to confirm that mickey, debbie, and liam were home at the time (not like anybody would suspect liam of the crime, but regardless). i could see mickey, fiona, and sean all lying and saying that debbie wasn’t there, but i don’t know. i think that they’d still interview her, and maybe she’d use her lying skills from aunt ginger, cousin patrick, and the pregnancy she was then hiding, but maybe she would be bad at it. that’s the thing, we don’t know.

but fiona had to have known, right? all of this talk about torturing sammi, debbie basically confirming that she and mickey were going to go torture sammi, and then a week or so later sammi shows up claiming that mickey tried to kill her? how could she have not known? did ian ever find out? i feel like season 6 ian would be upset, but also tranquil (trying to hide that he still cares, as we see in 6x01), however, i could see season 11 ian being upset if he hadn’t known until just then.

also, mickey was originally set to be released in 2023 with good behavior. who knows what sammi’s sentance was, but knowing her, she probably didn’t have good behavior. i could see her seducing someone to get out, though, just like mickey. i honestly don’t think she’s currently in prison and i wish that they had visited the storyline again because maybe she was even out in season 11.

and i know that the real answer as to why we didn’t get a lot of info on what happened to mickey, sammi, and debbie was because noel wasn’t being paid enough and he wanted out. still, it’s something in the storyline and shameless struggles with writing characters off/finishing storylines, making it so that the fandom ends up explaining it better than they do.

[padfootagain]

Something Good (XXIII)

Chapter 23 : The Talk

Hello! Here is a new chapter for my Ben Barnes series!

A tiny bit of trouble because of a certain asshole, and then some fluff. I would be lying if I claimed I didn’t cry for this chapter, because I did…

Also, we’ve officially reached the 80k words for this series, which makes for 155 pages on my word document… Holy molly! Thanks for tagging along for this looooong ride!

Hope you like it!!! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Ben Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Fluff,  Slow burn, professor AU.!

Summary: Coming out of a divorce and trying to get used to being a single mom, while teaching your classes at University, you thought your life could not get more complicated than it already is. But when you are asked to take care of the theatre club with the colleague that you really can’t get along with, you realize that everything can still get ten times more complicated in your life. And when you start actually liking Professor Barnes, the troubles only grow exponentially…

Word Count: 4619

Masterlist for the series – Ben Barnes’ Masterlist – Main Masterlist

You were nervous that morning, Ben could hardly have missed the signs.

As you stared into your cup of coffee, eyes shadowed by a lack of sleep, he heaved a sigh. Of course, he understood why you were nervous. You had decided to talk with Liam tonight, to finally tell him about you and Ben. It was the end of January, your relationship with Ben was coming close to be two-months old. It was time, and you knew it. You wanted to be free to show affection towards Ben in front of Sally, and you could only do that if you told Liam first.

You almost jumped when Ben reached across the table to hold your hand in his. There was no one around in the cafeteria, no colleague to see the intimate gesture, although, you wouldn’t have cared. You were tired of keeping a low profile. You longed to be close to him all the time.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” Ben offered a reassuring smile while his voice was warm and honeyed. “Stop being worried. His reaction won’t change anything, anyway.”

You heaved a sigh.

“Is it that obvious that I’m worried about tonight?”

“I mean… the last time I saw you this distraught was when you were paired with me on the theatre club, back in September.”

You couldn’t refrain a chuckle, rolling your eyes.

“Things have changed so much in just a few months,” you smiled.

Ben hummed in agreement, rubbing his thumb across your knuckles, gesture simple and yet infinitely soothing.

“I just think that he might get… defensive.”

“No, what you meant to say is “an absolute git”.”

You laughed at that, but couldn’t deny it. You had talked a lot about your former relationship with Ben, and he had shared a lot of his relationship with Julia with you as well. And one could have said that you both held no tenderness towards the other’s ex.

“Yeah… yeah, I’m quite worried he’s gonna be like that. That he’s not going to take well the fact that I’m in a relationship again.”

“But he’s not the one to decide for you. He’s…”

But Ben grew quiet, didn’t finish voicing his thought. He didn’t want you to worry even more by telling you the obvious truth that you seemed too blind to notice.

Liam was still in love with you, it was obvious. When Ben and Liam met that evening at your apartment, it took Ben but a second to notice it. The way he followed you, the way he glared at Ben, the way he stared at you with longing…

But you didn’t know that, and it was easier not to tell you.

“He’s probably going to be a little upset that you’re replacing him,” Ben changed his words, but it made you frown a little more with worry all the same.

“Yeah… yeah, probably.”

Ben looked down at his own coffee cup, empty by now, only stained by remnants of the bitter liquid in brown marks, without pattern.

“Would you be upset if he found someone else?”

You took your time to answer, and Ben was grateful for it. It showed that you were earnest when you spoke again.

“I think I would be worried for Sally. And… it would be a little weird, because… we were married. But I wouldn’t be upset, or jealous. More… uncomfortable, I reckon.”

Slowly, Ben nodded.

You heaved a sigh, intertwining your fingers with his, at last.

“I just hope it will go fine.”

He gave you an encouraging smile, but didn’t voice his own worry. He wasn’t sure if it would upset you, how you would react to his words, if it were wise to say it out loud…

But he was worried nonetheless.

If Liam disapproved of your relationship with Ben, would you leave him?

And if Liam really did try to get you back, would you choose him, instead of Ben?

But he didn’t say anything. Instead, he tightened his hold on your fingers, traced the line crossing your palm with the pad of his thumb and looked at you as you drank what remained of your coffee. And he drank in your sight, the warmth of your skin, the reassurance in your hold, worried it would end too soon.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Liam asked, surprised when he found you nervous, turning your mug between your fingers.

You went to see Liam straight after work. Sally was spending the night at a friend’s house for a birthday party, you had the entire evening to talk to your ex-husband about your new love. It was hard not to look nervous though, as you sat down in his kitchen and accepted the warm beverage he offered you. You had planned this conversation in your head, but it wasn’t easy. Nothing was easy with him…

“I just… I have something to tell you, and I think it’s better if you learn it from me.”

“You’re scaring me now. What’s wrong, baby?”

You tensed at the pet name. He noticed it. He pushed it away, at the back of his mind, ignored it, brushed it off as tiredness or as nothing at all. It was too painful to acknowledge it.

“Nothing’s wrong,” you answered, your tone cautious. “I just…”

You reckoned that there was no other way to say all of this but clearly, with simple words.

“I’ve met someone.”

Liam blinked. He didn’t seem to understand your words, so you repeated them.

“I’ve met someone. I’m not single anymore.”

Liam cleared his throat. He could barely breathe. He shook his head.

This couldn’t… you… you couldn’t… the two of you were soulmates…

“What do you mean?”

“I have a boyfriend.”

“A boyfriend? You?”

You frowned at that, quite taken aback by his tone. You were unsure if it sounded simply aghast or mocking.

“Yes, what about it? I’m still young enough to date, you know?”

He rolled his eyes.

“But why would you date anyone?”

It was your time to be puzzled.

“Because… I like him. Because I want to.”

“Who is it? For how long have you known him? Has he met Sally?”

You shuffled on your chair, more uncomfortable than you thought you would be about all this.

Why did you feel almost guilty? Liam and you had been divorced for more than year, separated for almost two… you were perfectly free to date whoever you wanted. And as Liam was Sally’s father, you reckoned that you owed him to warn him that a new person would enter your daughter’s life. You were doing everything right. So, why did you feel so bad when you looked up at him again and recognized sorrow and anger in his gaze?

“It’s Ben. I’m going out with Ben.”

“Your colleague? The theatre guy? The one who ate with you and Sally the other day?”

“Yeah. That’s him.”

He let out a breathy, bitter laughter, and you hated the sound.

“I knew it. I knew he was trouble.”

“Trouble? He’s not trouble…”

“Y/N, he’s playing with you.”

You frowned hard at that.

“Of course not, what are you talking about? You don’t even know him…”

“Come on, now. Why would a man like him want to go out with a single mother? With someone like you?”

He noticed how much his words hurt. He almost liked it. Actually, he hated himself for saying all of this.

But he loved you. He loved you so much, he would have done anything to get you back. Even if it had to hurt, at first…

“He’s handsome, I’ll give him that. He could have anyone, I bet. I’m sure you’ve thought about that already. Then why you? Why would he go to all the trouble of going out with a divorced single mother with her life still in shambles… when he can get any woman he wants? Why you? Why all the trouble?”

He shook his head.

“Babe, he wants to sleep with you, and that’s it. He’ll grow tired of you soon. What else could all this be about?”

You didn’t answer. You didn’t answer because the words echoed too deeply. Words Liam had carved into your brain and heart and marrow after proving them time and time again, speaking them out loud even, during the darkest of your fights.

You’re not worth it.

You got up. He was surprised by it, but you did anyway. And if there were tears in your eyes, your voice was still firm, deadly cold as you spoke.

“Ben and I are together. I’m not asking for your blessing. I’m simply letting you know because you’re Sally’s father, and I reckon I owe you the truth because Ben is going to spend more and more time with Sally. But this is not me asking you what you think of my love life. I’m simply having the courtesy of warning you. I don’t care about your opinion. Ben is amazing with Sally. He’s amazing with me. And I don’t care what you think about my love life, it’s none of your business.”

“I’ve never said I agreed for him to be in Sally’s life…”

“You don’t have a say in this. Sally loves him, Ben adores her… they’re getting along perfectly fine.”

“Does she know you’re together?”

“Not yet. We waited for a few weeks, we wanted to be sure about this before telling her. And I wanted to tell you first, I didn’t want Sally to let it slip. But we’ll tell her this weekend, we’ll explain things to her.”

“You can’t do this… you can’t…”

He shook his head vehemently, but you stepped away from the table.

“Have a good evening, Liam.”

“No… wait! Y/N! Babe, wait!”

“Stop calling me like that!”

You spun around, facing him again. You were on the verge of tears, but there wasn’t really any sadness in your eyes. There wasn’t love either, or longing, or regret. There was anger, frustration, fear…

Why would you look at him without any love in your eyes?

“We’re not together anymore, Liam. We’ve been divorced for a while now. I’m allowed to build myself a life again, with whoever I choose. You can talk with Ben and I if you want, I get that you can be worried that he’s going to spend time with Sally when you don’t know him. But I’m not asking for your opinion, or your permission. Ben is amazing, he’s doing great with Sally… You know how much I love her. You know I would never take a decision that could hurt her…”

“I know, but he… I don’t trust him.”

“You don’t know him.”

“He’s using you. He’s using you, and then he’ll leave!”

“Of course not! He would never do that…”

“Why else would he be with you?”

The question again. And you hated Liam at this moment. Not because he was being mean, not because he was clearly jealous, but because he was right. You had asked yourself this question every day since that first night with Ben…

“I’ve had enough of this.”

You strode to the door, walked out before Liam could hold you back. The same question rang in your head, the answer never changing…

Why would he be with you?

You’re not worth it.

Ben was worried when you didn’t call that night. He sent you a couple of texts but you didn’t answer. He was ready to go to your place by 9pm, pacing across his flat, imagining a million scenarios…

But then his phone buzzed, at long last, by half past nine, and he heaved a relieved sigh as he read your text.

I’m alright, don’t worry. I’ve talked to Liam. I just needed some time after that. I’m fine though.

He had barely finished reading your text when another appeared on the screen.

Can we talk?

Ben frowned at that. This kind of messages… it was never a good sign.

He was quick to answer.

Of course, I’ll come over. Have you eaten anything?

He had barely received your answer that he was ordering some take-out. He hadn’t eaten anything either, he was too nervous for that.

It was past 10pm when Ben arrived, carrying some Indian food, and a warm smile that he wanted reassuring on his lips.

He had barely stepped inside that you were hugging him tight. He chuckled at your warm welcome.

“Well, hello to you too.”

He dropped a peck on your hair, holding you tight as well, letting you relax in his embrace, breathe deeply the scent of his cologne…

“I knew you’d bring food as soon as you asked about dinner,” you mumbled into his coat.

“Indian.”

“Good choice. Thank you.”

“Come on, I’m famished. Let’s talk while we eat.”

“You haven’t eaten anything?”

“No, I… I was a little nervous?”

“Oh…”

You finally released him, walked inside your kitchen to get some plates and forks and knives and earn as much time as you could before you would have to talk to Ben.

Because you were terrified by this conversation you needed to have and yet… yet it was necessary.

The words were too loud as they echoed, they resembled shouts you couldn’t shush down. You were scared of his answer, and yet, you were too worried not to crave for it. If Ben was to disappoint you, then the sooner the better.

Half of you knew that he was different from Liam. Half of you believed you were not worthy of him and that one day he would have enough and walk away.

Which part of you was right?

Ben walked inside the living room, left the food there, on the table. He knew he wouldn’t like this conversation. He knew there was something wrong. He had recognized the way you were clinging to his coat just then, as if you were afraid he would leave.

“So… how did it go with Liam?”

You came out of the kitchen, bringing your dishware with you, fleeing his intense gaze.

“As expected.”

Your answer was elusive. Ben nodded.

“That bad, huh?”

“He… he didn’t really like the news.”

“He was jealous.”

It was more of a statement than a question, you heaved a sigh.

“I guess so, yes.”

“He doesn’t want you to see me like this.”

“He doesn’t have a say in this.”

Ben nodded, but you were still not looking at him. There was something more. The real reason for you to have called for him tonight.

“What else did he say?”

You didn’t answer, opening a box of food, breathing in deeply the scent of spices. But Ben took your hand in his, forcing you to turn to him.

“What’s wrong, darling? Tell me.”

Your eyes filled with tears at the sound of the affectionate name. You loved it when he called you that, perhaps too much. It made you feel… loved.

Were you though? Was all of this real?

How could it be? Liam was right, you were too much trouble, and Ben was kind and smart and funny and absolutely stunning with his dark irises, his cute glasses, the beauty spot under his right eye, his bright grin…

You’re not worth it…

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Ben cooed, reaching up to cup your cheek and guide your gaze to his. “What happened?”

You sniffed, unable to not look up when he more firmly guided your face upwards, and the first tear fell as soon as you caught his gaze.

“It’s just… I don’t know. I’m just worried,” you answered with a shrug.

“What did he do? What did he say?” Ben asked, his voice lower now, almost threatening. It was so strange to hear this tone on him, his voice was usually so warm.

You heaved a sigh.

“It’s not just what he said. I… I’ve been asking myself the same questions about us.”

Ben frowned hard at that, but let you continue. You took your time to do so, to take a deep breath and gather your strengths and… find the right words. You didn’t though. You didn’t speak the words you wished you could find, instead they were messy and stumbling. But they were let out anyway, and you reckoned it was good enough.

“I just… I don’t… why are you with me?”

Ben’s frown deepened.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… I… why are you with me? Why would you want to be with me?”

Ben blinked. Once, twice, thrice, but he ended up shaking his head anyway.

“I don’t understand,” he admitted.

“Why do you want to be with me? I mean… do you really want to be with me?”

“Of course, I want to be with you. Don’t you want to be with me?”

“I do. I want you.”

“Then what is this all about? I don’t understand.”

He hated it. How your lower lip trembled, how a tear rolled all the way down your cheek, leaving a glimmering path across your soft skin, how you needed to swallow back the lump in your throat, how your next intake of breath shook…

Ben had never really longed for violence, but if Liam was the cause of your sorrow now, he would have gladly punched the bastard in the face…

You took a couple of steps back, and Ben hated it. The distance you forced between your two selves. Like a barrier. Like an armour. And you hated it too, but you needed it to be able to talk.

“I just… Liam said… things I’ve been asking myself too and I guess… I’ve always pushed the thought away because I thought that it was just me not being confident but… if he said it too, then maybe there’s more to it, you know?”

You took a deep breath, still staring in these dark brown eyes you adored.

“I don’t really understand why you would choose me, of all people,” you explained, and you were surprised when the tears you withheld with all your might didn’t fall. “I mean… You’re… You’re brilliant, and funny, and kind, and loving, and handsome and… you’re… amazing. And on the other hand I’m a shitty single-mother struggling with everything, with my life in shambles and… why would you want that? Why would you want to take care of Sally? Why would you want me and my mess when you can get so much better than this? Better than me? Someone… someone who would be worth the trouble.”

You were surprised by Ben’s reaction. You expected him to get defensive, or on the contrary, to heave a sigh and admit that you were right and that he couldn’t do this, that all of this was a mistake…

But instead, he looked at you with the most confused expression you had ever seen on his features.

And before his silence, you asked your question one last time.

“Why would you want to be with me, Ben?”

He let out a long exhale. When he spoke again, his words were so earnest, you could see it all painted in his eyes. And he confessed it all as if it were obvious, as if you were silly for not seeing it on your own before. As if it was the most obvious answer in the entire world…

“Because I’m in love with you.”

Your gasp was shaky, barely audible, but here all the same, paired with wide eyes and a stunned look that showed him that you were blinder than he had thought. Had there not been so much tension in the room, had he not been so afraid you could leave, had there been no tears still shining in your eyes… he might have laughed at you for being so oblivious. But he didn’t. Instead, he waited for your reaction, and when it didn’t come, he took a step closer.

“I’m in love with you,” he repeated. “I love you. There’s no other reason… why I want you. I just… I just want to be with the woman I love, that’s all.”

He clenched his jaw, shook his head, looked down at his feet for a second. He didn’t speak again before his stare was once more locked with yours.

“I am well aware that you’re a mother, that I’m picking up responsibilities towards Sally as well by being with you. We’ve discussed this before, and I know what it means to be with you. You’re right, it means having a much more chaotic life than I do now. It means helping you raise Sally. It means dealing with your shitty ex. It means helping you put your life back together. But it doesn’t only mean troubles. It also means taking care of an amazing little girl I genuinely love and care about. It means kissing you whenever I want to without asking for permission to do so. It means locking ourselves in our office to make out. It means waking up beside you. Looking at you while you read. Listening to you talk about everything and nothing. Laughing with you and having my belly ache because you’re too funny for me to handle. It means taking long walks with you while we talk for hours and you hold my arm until it grows numb and yet I still don’t want you to let go. It means making love to you on Sunday mornings and spending sleepless nights in your bed. It means watching you brush your teeth and complain about the flavour of my toothpaste cause it’s too minty for you. Baking pancakes for you. Listening to you sing along to songs you don’t remember the lyrics of… I could go one like this for days, but what I’m trying to say is… I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t obstacles to our relationship. Because there are. Your situation… just like mine. With my own shitty ex, and my stupid broken heart and yet… I want this. At the end of the day, all of these obstacles, all of these arguments that could go against us being together… I don’t care. I don’t care about any of them. All of these amazing moments I share with you every day are worth it. All of it. I would do anything to be with you. And perhaps it sounds crazy, because it’s so early on in our relationship, but that’s the truth. You are worth every sacrifice. Every bit of trouble. You are worth everything, much more than what I can give you, as a matter of fact. I love you, Y/N. It makes it all worth it. It’s the reason behind every single one of my choices when it comes to you.”

He fell silent, knowing he was speaking too much, but you were still speechless. And he grew scared of this stillness in the air, the look of statue on your motionless frame and face.

So, he took another step, reached up to cup your cheeks, stared at you so intensely you were certain your soul was burning…

“I love you, Y/N. I want to be with you. I want this. All of it. I know what I’m getting myself into, and I want it. Every second of it. Do you understand? I’m not messing around, Y/N. I’m serious about this, about us. My own heart is on the line. Do you think it’s not hard for me too? To trust someone again like this after Julia? But for you I’m willing to try. And if you break my heart one day, then so be it. I love you enough to take the risk. I love you enough that all I want is to be with you, for as long as you’ll be foolish enough to have me. You are worth every bit of pain and heartbreak that could come my way if you left. You are worth everything, Y/N. Why do I want to be with you? Because I don’t think that I could be happy without you now, Y/N. Because I love you, and that means I don’t have a choice at all. Or rather… I have a choice. I can play it safe and push you away, and I’ve tried that before we got together. I was absolutely miserable. Or I can choose to be with you, and fight for you, for us. And that’s the choice I’ve made. I have no regrets. You’re making me happier than I’ve ever been.”

He fell silent again, but this time you reacted. Instead of merely staring blankly at him, suspended to his words, you rushed into his arms, held him so tight he could barely breathe, but he didn’t mind and he held you with the same fervour.

You were crying by now.

“I love you too,” you whispered into his ear, and he couldn’t refrain a grin. “I love you so much, Ben. I know it sounds crazy because it’s so early on in our relationship, but I love you. I was already in love with you that evening in the theatre when we kissed. I’ve been in love with you for a while now.”

“I loved you already too by then. I fell for you in this Italian restaurant in London, where we talked so much our food grew cold.”

You smiled at the memory, nodding.

“I don’t know when it started. But I know that this evening at the party, and during that talk on the bench by the Thames… I was already yours. My heart became yours for good that night.”

You chuckled, pulling away just enough to be able to look at him.

“Don’t get me wrong. I still find you insufferable.”

“You are driving me absolutely nuts.”

“You’re so annoying.”

“Not as much as you are. And I love it. Every second of it.”

“I love it too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

You leaned up towards his lips and he met you halfway, guiding your mouth closer as he kept his palms on your cheeks, brushing away the tears that kept on falling there.

And it lasted a long time, until you weren’t crying anymore, until you were reminded that if he kissed you like this, if he made you feel like this… it ought to be real…

“What did Liam say to get you so upset?” Ben asked in a quiet voice as you held him close again, your ear pressed to his heart to listen to the steady beating.

“I already had these thoughts. He just… voiced them, I guess.”

“What thoughts? That I had doubts about us?”

You nodded, felt him tensing against you, the hold on your body tightening.

“I don’t have any doubts about this.”

“I know it now. I know.”

“Can I be honest about your ex?”

“Of course.”

“I think he’s a jerk. He shouldn’t say things like that. He shouldn’t upset you this way. You don’t say things that could hurt someone so much they’ll cry and think lowly of themselves.”

You nodded, burying your face into his warm woollen jumper.

“I know, he’s an arse. That’s why I left him.”

“And you were right to do so. What a jerk...”

You chuckled, and he wondered why.

“It’s just…” you answered, still quietly laughing. “I want to murder your ex every time I learn something new about her, and it looks like you’re ready to throw hands with Liam.”

“Of course, I want to. I want to punch him into oblivion for making you cry…”

“We really do have shitty exes, huh?”

“Yeah… but we’ve got it better this time around, right?”

You grinned at that, looking up at him.

“True. Much, so much better…”

*******************************************

Taglist: @reg-arcturus-black @sergeantbuckybarnes @wolfmoonmusic @idek-what-to-put @kpicard @rhapsodyonthethames @friendly-philosopher

[justallihere]

AHHHH I was right about Xaden giving Vi his jacket 🥹 that’s her jacket now, get with the program Xaden

speechless. I loved everything about this chapter 😭 I screamed when they threatened to cut her hair. Aetos didnt suffer enough imo and neither did his cronies. I at least wanted them to be screaming and have a glimpse of Andarna throwing them around or at least step on them a few times 🤷🏾‍♀️

Violet’s panic attack made me sob so hard 😭 why did Pierce stop and leave when that happened? I’m glad he did but that’s probably the closest they came to possibly getting something of value

Xaden has touch AND nickname privileges again 😭 he said “Vi” as much as he could because he’s not losing it again. I’m sure he’s glad his family loves and respects Violet and just reaffirms everything he himself feels for her. I can definitely see Liam teasing Xaden in the future with “just remember, your wife loved me first 🤭”. Obvs during happier times when they’ve healed from this ordeal.

One of my biggest gripes in IF was how blasé the torture fallout was. Like?? Wdym she was tortured for 5 days and could’ve died and it meant nothing??

Loved your spin on Lilith🥹💕💕💕 I agree she died way too soon. She so dynamic and layered and had so much potential. She deserved to become a better mother before she died and I’ll forever be mad about that.

Will Lilith be the one to bring half the quadrant when she finally gets to Tyrrendor 👀 what if she brings seasoned riders loyal to her and riders stationed at outposts and any professor (looking at you Emeterrio and Kaori) willing to join the fight? I think her arrival will be better received that way since she’s bringing reinforcements. AHHHH so exciteddd.

Can’t wait to see where the story goes, either way I’m sure it’ll be amazing!!!

All of Xaden’s things are about to become Violet’s. Try to get her to wear her own clothes now I dare you.

lol I get it, but Aetos’ death was something that was between him and Dain, and Violet was so tired and scared and in pain by the end of it that she didn’t even really care anymore, she just wanted them dead and to never see them again. I promise Andarna and Tairn had plenty of fun.

I’d argue that the panic attack was the exact opposite of value. Yes Violet was losing her mind but she was so scared in that moment she wouldn’t have been able to give them anything coherent. Pierce wanted her to stew in that panic for a while.

You could not DRAG Xaden out of Violet’s sight rn. Neither one of them would allow it. But yes, he is so glad to have her back, and he’s happy that she had Liam when she needed him. I do like to think that Liam takes great pride in getting an “I love you” from Violet considering how not warm and fuzzy she is. That’s his bestie! His sister!

I love Lilith, she’s the worst and also the best and I’ll never be over her death I’m so upset

Thank you so much!! 🩷🩷

[astaraels]

Day 9 — Femslash February — Post-Finale

Sandy/Debbie, at the Alibi. (ao3)

@m4ndysk4nkovich @holymurdock @lovekenney

“I'm definitely not sticking around here. I'm going to Texas, day after tomorrow. Hopping a bus and getting the fuck out.” Heidi looked at Debbie and grinned. “You could come with me, you know. Bring your kid, too, if you want.”

For a minute, Debbie thought about the possibility—leave everything behind and start fresh. Get away from all the bullshit and find a new place she could go with Franny. She couldn't deny that it sounded tempting, especially with all the shit going down in her life lately.

But then she thought about Franny and the rest of her family—Carl, Ian, Liam, Mickey, even Lip and Tammi—and she knew what her answer would be.

“Thanks, but…I'm gonna stay here. Even with all the dumb shit going on, it's still my home. But thanks, anyway.”

Heidi shrugged, pulling the strap of her bag over her shoulder. “Your loss, Debbie,” she said, nonchalant. “Maybe I'll see ya around sometime.”

Doubtful, thought Debbie, almost glad to see the back of the other woman as Heidi got out of the booth and headed for the door with a spring in her step. Debbie sighed and took a drink of her beer, wondering what the hell she was gonna do now. Lip probably still wanted to sell the house—her house, the only home she'd ever known—and in spite of everything he'd done lately, she was worried about him. Fighting with her siblings made Debbie's stomach churn, and she'd been feeling like shit since…well.

The day Lip took a sledgehammer to the wall had been bad enough—she remembered Ian holding onto her, both of them never expecting their brother to lash out like that—but then everything that had gone down with Sandy…shit. Debbie put her head in her hands for a moment before she took another drink of her beer.

Thankfully Franny had been commandeered by her uncles for dancing, and Debbie managed to wipe her tears away quickly when she heard her daughter call, “Mommy! Look at me, look at me!” as she and Mickey danced around with one of the Polish girls. Debbie waved at Franny and smiled, though it wasn't the easiest thing. But she didn't want Franny to know she was upset—this was supposed to be a fun night for all of them, not “Debbie wallowing in her own misery” night. She could drown her sorrows tomorrow while Franny was at school.

The door to the Alibi swung open, and Debbie looked up—and she had to do a double take. The woman who'd just walked through the door certainly looked like Sandy Milkovich, but…different. Whereas Sandy usually let her hair fall down all stringy and a little messy, now it looked clean and put together, pulled back in a low ponytail behind her ear so it fell over her shoulder. She wore her usual leather jacket, but her shirt and jeans were nice, no holes in the material to be seen. Even her high-tops looked cleaner than they should have from walking around the multiple construction sites nearby.

“Oh, fuck,” Debbie said under her breath, then hurriedly took a swig of her drink as Sandy caught her eye and walked right towards the booth where Debbie sat, climbing in on the opposite side. She looked—well, angry, but Debbie knew that was just Sandy's regular face. But she also seemed nervous, linking her fingers on both hands together as she sat there, not speaking.

“...what are you doing here?” Debbie finally asked, crossing her arms and sitting back. Sandy looked awkward at the question and didn't answer right away. It made Debbie roll her eyes in frustration, and she started to get up. Sandy reached out and grabbed her hand to stop her. “If you're not gonna say anything, then why the hell are you even here, huh?”

“I…I need to say something. To you.” Sandy's words were said through pursed lips, her voice strained. “...I'm an idiot. And I-” she stopped, frustration written on her face. “I'm sorry. I fucked up.”

An apology from a Milkovich was a rare thing, that was for sure. She'd spent enough time with Mickey and Mandy over the years to know that one of the first rules about being a Milkovich was never to say you're sorry for anything. And yet here was Sandy, admitting she'd screwed up. Debbie couldn't agree more.

“Damn right you did,” she said, an edge in her voice. So maybe she was still hurt from the whole thing, give her a break. Things had been really good with them, and then they'd fallen apart in what felt like an instant. Sandy had left her in one of the worst places of her adult life, and she'd spiraled, hard. “You didn't just put the knife in my chest, Sandy, you fucking had to twist it, too. So why should I listen to anything a deadbeat mom like you has to say?”

Maybe that jab was a little cruel, but at least it made Debbie feel a tiny bit better. Sort of, anyway.

“Look, it's…a bullshit situation. I never wanted to be a mom. You know my family. Mickey said you were around when he was going through all his shit. If they can't beat the gay out of you, they just get you married off and start popping out kids.” Sandy sighed, and started to reach for the bottle in Debbie's hand before she pulled back, fingers twitching.

“...I'll get us some drinks,” Debbie finally said. If they were going to have this conversation, they would definitely need something stronger than beer. She snagged two glasses of bourbon from Kev and went back over to the booth, sliding one across the table to Sandy.

After getting back into the seat, Debbie took a long drink from her glass. “Look. I get that things weren't easy for you. I saw some of the shit Mickey went through with his dad, having to marry Svetlana, all of that. But you have a kid, Sandy. You left him—and yeah, I do know what it's like to be that kid. And then you hurt me. You fucking…stabbed me in the heart, okay?”

“I was pissed off—I never asked for that kid in the first place. I tried to get an abortion, but I couldn't get the money in time.” Sandy took a drink, glancing away. “I figured…it'd be easier if he didn't have to deal with a mom who never wanted him.”

Debbie shook her head. “Every kid wants a mom. And you were always so good with Franny; why is Prince so different?”

“Because I knew Franny was part of the deal when we got together!” Sandy said. Her eyes were wide, now, almost scared. Like she was backed into a corner. “At first we were hooking up, things were really good…then that skank Julia showed up, and I got-”

“-punchy?” Debbie said with a snort of laughter. Sandy actually blushed a little, and Debbie felt it in her stomach. She pushed the feeling away, though; she didn't want to make this easy. If they were going to fix shit in any way, shape, or form, Sandy had to say what Debbie needed to hear from her. But…it was still nice all the same, to know that Sandy wasn't completely over her. And she could maybe admit to herself that she wasn't over Sandy, either.

“Yeah. That. And I guess, well—things were good. I didn't wanna fuck it up. I've…” Sandy trailed off in favor of taking another drink. “Shit. We really gotta do all this talking?”

Debbie nodded. “Yep,” she said, popping her lips on the last letter. “Might need to get some more bourbon for this conversation.” She paused to take a slow sip, catching Sandy's gaze with her own. “...I gotta get Franny home soon, but…we could always sit on the porch. Have a smoke. Talk.”

“Mickey was right,” Sandy said, finishing off her glass. “You Gallaghers really like talking a lot.”

Debbie smiled in spite of herself. “You'd be pretty amazed how good we are at it.” Sandy just laughed, and Debbie's heart ached.

Things wouldn't get fixed right away—it just didn't work like that. Debbie was still hurting, a lot, and the two of them were both broken, damaged people. She trusted too easily, and Sandy barely trusted at all. But there was a kernel of hope in her now. Maybe Sandy had left her, had ripped her heart out, but she'd also come back, and the fact that she was willing to talk was almost Sandy's way of holding her own heart out in apology. It took a lot of work to be with a Milkovich—Debbie had seen it fail with Lip and Mandy, and eventually succeed with Mickey and Ian. Maybe part of Debbie, deep down, wanted to make it work out for herself, too.

She and Sandy had been good together, all things considered, and in spite of Sandy's issues with being a mom, Franny had adored her. And sure, Sandy had screwed up big time, but maybe…maybe Debbie wanted to hear what she had to say. They were capable of having a conversation instead of a screaming match. And Sandy had gone through all the trouble of looking nice for her, too. At least that's what Debbie hoped.

So maybe they'd take Franny back to the Gallagher house, tuck her into bed, then grab some drinks and head out to the back porch. They'd light cigarettes and talk quietly, sitting next to each other on the wooden, peeling steps. And maybe Sandy would say enough, say the right thing that Debbie could forgive her. Maybe it would take longer than a night to get there. But she at least was willing to try.

[walker-extended-universe]

Walker Season 4 First Look: An Overanalysis of TVLine's Exclusive Sneak Peek

TVLine released this article earlier today and there is SO MUCH to talk about

First off, we have an official premiere date for season 4! 4x01 will be hitting our airwaves on April 3rd! Which leads us to our next point: Walker will now be airing on Wednesdays. Regardless of the network reasons for changing the air day of our beloved show, I do appreciate the alliteration of Walker Wednesdays.

Second, let's talk about the plot that awaits us.

The first episode will cover Cordell's birthday and I am literally BEGGING the powers that be to give us an official birthday for Cordell. If we don't at least get a month timespan to work with, I'll be quite upset.

We also have a few cliffhangers coming off of the season 3 finale but this article spends the most amount of time talking about how the reopened cold case "The Jackal". Jared shares that Larry James will be having a few issues with this case, specifically "past trauma". We know from the season 3 finale that James was obsessed with the case and hearing about it on his wedding day probably didn't help matters. Jared also says he hopes Cordell will get to "get to return the favor and be there for him" during his time of need so I'm looking forward to a lot more Walker & James scenes in the coming season.

Jared also specifically called out Cordell and Geri giving things another try and being a "good tag-team for Stella and Auggie", so it looks like we're looking into some romance mixed with co-parenting.

Now, onto the promo pics!

This picture has a few interesting details in it. First off, where's August???? I know it's entirely possible for him to be in a different room or just out of frame of the picture but literally everyone else is here!

Second, it looks like there's some heated conversation between Larry and Ben. Taking in a lot of surprised and concerned faces on both sides of the table, I'm going with the theory that Ben said something that accidentally ruffled some feathers. Abby and Bonham tactfully staying out of it only reinforces that idea for me.

This photo is also very interesting to me. Based on the chairs and the candles, I'm betting this is also at the ranch house dinner table. But this time, it's dark and Cordell is all alone. The article describes him as "somber and contemplative" and I have to agree. The big question is, why? My current theory is that he just got some bad news relating to the "Jackal" case and this will be our end-of-episode cliffhanger. But there are other options too! @theladywyn posited August's absence in the previous photo may be deeper than it looks and could be contributing. It's also possible that Cordell learned about what happened between Stella and the home invader in 3x18- and that she called Liam for help.

So many possibilities, so little information, and so many questions left to answer. April 3rd (or 4th if you- like me- are stuck watching the episodes online) can't come soon enough!

[ksbbb]

Bundled Up with You

“It’s freezing.” Theo shivers, pulling his jacket tighter around himself as he waits for Liam to come inside from making a last ditch effort to dig the car out of the driveway.

“Don’t even say it.” Liam says, his face still disappointed and his voice void of enthusiasm.

Theo did explain taking his truck would probably be the better option, but Liam really wanted to drive this year and going to his grandparents in Colorado was the most important part of his plan for the holidays.

He didn’t plan for a snowstorm on the way down. Theo wanted to fly but Liam wanted the experiences of having a road trip and now they’re not going anywhere.

Theo isn’t a holiday person and he doesn’t mind, but Liam’s entire family was going to be there and now Liam’s mood is ruined.

“We can leave once it melts. Even if we made it out of this place the roads won’t be plowed in time.” Theo points out, closing the door behind Liam and checking the thermostat to ensure it’s high enough.

“I know that but I had a plan.” Liam comments, sighing heavily and sitting down on the couch.

“I already messaged the owner so we can stay a few more days. It will be fine. Your family will understand.” Theo reassures him, smiling at Liam’s devastated face, and trying to remain positive.

Liam’s always been the holiday person and any time something happens or changes are made, it’s never something he takes lightly.

Theo loves that about him and he’s disappointed for Liam.

“Yeah, but that’s…it’s all ruined.” Liam huffs, snatching another piece of bacon from off his plate.

“I’m sure it’s not ruined. I’m here.” Theo teases, with a slight hint of sarcasm in his tone.

“That’s the thing. You’re a grinch at christmas but I know why. I really wanted to give you the gift I had planned.” Liam shakes his head, a smile on his face, as he looks far away in thought.

“My gift? We said no presents this year.” Theo reminds him, while Liam darts his head away to prevent Theo from looking him directly in the eye.

“Yeah, well you missed out on a lot of gifts throughout the years. Sorry, I decided to ignore that request.” Liam smiles apologetically, worry taking over his face while he waits for Theo’s response.

“You do this every year. Every year you try to make some extravagant holiday happen and it’s okay if it’s not.” He says, sitting down next to Liam and smiling.

“Yeah, but I only want it extravagant for you. Because you’re my favorite person.” Liam shrugs.

“You’re also the most annoying person.” Liam teases, smiling and laughing as Theo rolls his eyes at him.

“When I was with the dread doctors and under their guidance I didn’t do holidays. They would come and go and I wouldn’t really bat an eye at it because it didn’t matter. I didn’t have anyone that I spent the holidays with. The holidays were just another day. A reminder of what I didn’t have.” Theo explains, and the sadness that reaches Liam’s face is heartbreaking, even if it’s for Theo’s sake.

He never wants to make Liam feel bad or upset, and he’s not done with his story. There’s a point that he’s trying to make and Liam has to understand.

“I didn’t like holidays because it wasn’t important to me. I didn’t have anything important to me to make them special.” Theo says, his heart clenching as Liam becomes more distraught at his story.

“I know and I’m sorry. We should have flown.” Liam bitterly scoffs, his voice angry and his fists clenched, while he narrows his eyes.

“You’re missing the point. My holidays were nothing special because they didn’t have anyone or anything that made me want to care about them. Now I do.” Theo smiles, and the way Liam smiles at him, is enough to make Theo lighthearted and happy to be snowed in.

Theo’s never been a fan of simple things or holidays that are only a reminder of what he didn’t have, but the past few years he’s become more open to having traditions.

Something as simple as snow and being hauled up in a warm blanket with the person he can’t get out of his head, is more special to Theo than any gift he could receive. Whether it’s from Liam or not.

His heart grew bigger that day and a blue eyed werewolf is the reason.

@theoraekenapperciation

[lesbiradshaw]

theo got kidnapped in raw talent (6.12) which left him out of commission for after images and face-to-faceless (6.13 and 6.14). liam got jumped by gabe and nolan in face-to-faceless during which time theo was still being held hostage since he didn’t free himself, jiang, and tierney until the beginning of pressure test (6.15) where he and liam are reunited and leave together at the end of the episode along with the rest of the pack. theo references brett and lori’s deaths during pressure test when he has liam alone in the bathroom— “oh right, the hit and run”— which means he probably was told about that shortly after they all figured out they were trapped in the station and nolan was found trying to sneak inside. he also references the incident at school with nolan and gabe— “i’m not dying out here because you want payback against some kid who kicked your ass”— in triggers which means at some point during pressure test when they’re holed up in the police station or after the episode ends when they’re in hiding together, liam confides in theo what happened. so hypothetically it would make perfect sense for theo to want to know why liam freaks out so much when he sees nolan in the station during pressure test and for liam to admit to him what happened with nolan and gabe and brett and lori, which could have been why liam was that much more upset about the typical callous comments theo made about brett and lori being killed by hunters.

[ageless-aislynn]

Some important news here, frens. I’ve gone back to playing Mass Effect Andromeda and, safe to say it...

Wow, do I suck, lol! The Nomad controls aren’t at all like a Halo Warthog’s and I’m finding it REALLY hard to drive. You know how people mock Kat’s driving in Halo: Reach? Well, let me tell you, Kat has NOTHING on me trying to drive a Nomad. Just today I’ve:

Got my front wheels stuck on the roof of a small building and thus me and the team were all shot to death and the Nomad blown up by those Sentinel-ish robot dudes

Fell off the side of a bluff instead of just driving down the slope area

Got upset because all of the sudden my controls were reversed: accelerate and reverse were opposite trigger buttons, going left made me go right, etc. I struggled along for a good couple of minutes before I realized, um, I was driving backwards. 😐😂

Could not turn around in a small, rocky area and caused us all to die from radiation poisoning

And the most Kat thing of all? Accidentally backed off a cliff and we all died

But I’m determined to have fun with this, even if I accidentally flew back to the ship without meaning to, oops. 😕 But hey, I finally figured out how to get back to the planet, so yay for me, right? Me and Cora and Vetra are getting things done. Very slowly. When I’m not driving us off a cliff or causing us to all burn up from radiation.

Also, I wanted to foster friendships whenever I can but I forgot what the symbol was for that and I, um, totally hit on Cora and so she had to tell me she wasn’t interested in me that way. But I hope we’re still friends? 🤞😣🤞 (Note to self: friendship is the outline of a heart, not the full heart.)

I just leveled up, though, and I made sure to level up Cora and Vetra because I have a bad habit of running away during a fight and letting them handle things. That’s probably going to not work out well one of these times but dang it, for some reason I CANNOT seem to shoot straight. My aim swings really wildly all over the place. I turned down the mouse sensitivity, hoping that would help but so far, not so much so. I’ll have to tinker some more with the controls because this is really interfering with things. 😬 Except for my hitting on Cora skillz, they were ON POINT. *facepalm*

Oh and have I ever shown you my Sara? This is from back when I started the game in Sept so I’m level 4 now and I can’t remember why Liam isn’t on my team anymore... Maybe it changed when we got to the Tempest and into space? I honestly can’t remember.

Either way, Vetra’s been awesome so I’m happy to have her on the team!

I’m not worrying about side missions and all of the things you’re supposed to buy and craft and all of that. It’s a little overwhelming, honestly, so I’m just focusing on trying to figuring out the main objectives. If I can make it through the entire game, then one day I’ll play it again and try to figure the rest of it out. Anyway, wish me luck! 💖

[flowerpowelltales]

Like Fall, Like Spring (Drake x MC)

PART NINETEEN

A/N: we’re almost done with this series 🙊 can you imagine when i started writing i only meant to write five parts, at most? ah, good ol’ days 😅

Drake was studying her panicked expression before asking again.

“Who was it?”

“Umm.” She looked at her phone and then back at Drake. She knew she had to tell him Leona was bullying her again but she thought she’d have more time. “Were you eavesdropping?”

“Of course not. Woke up, you weren’t there, came here and see you with tears in your eyes.”

“Right. Sorry. It was... Daniel. From that bar in New York I worked in, remember? He told me something... upsetting. About the bar. It’s early, I haven’t had my coffee yet and I overreacted.” Gosh, Riley, stop talking.

Drake narrowed his eyes. “Daniel. About the bar. That’s it?”

Riley nodded. “Yup. I made breakfast, too! Are you hungry?”

If Drake wanted to say something he decided against it. He sat down on a chair and let Riley serve him, his eyes not leaving her even for a second.

~~~~

Breakfast was rather nervous. Riley babbled about everything and nothing, not letting Drake say anything. From time to time she would glance at her phone and then back at Drake, starting her monologue again. 

When Drake excused himself after the meal and went to discuss something with Liam, Riley finally had time to think about the morning call from Leona. She didn’t want to believe Drake’s crazy aunt since she had the tendency to make up stories that fitted her narrative. But at the same time, she felt uncertain. She was gone for months. Would she really blame Drake if he found someone else in the meantime? 

She knew she needed to find out the truth and she already knew the first step to do so.

~~~~

Riley had been staring at her phone for good twenty minutes, weighing pros and cons, before finally taking it and opening Instagram. She clicked on Drake’s profile only to realize it was absolutely pointless - he was following only three people (her, Savannah and Liam; Maxwell was blocked) and the only thing he ever did on this platform was liking Riley’s photos. She surely wouldn’t find any Mary-Annes there.

She checked Savannah’s profile instead and found the woman Leona was talking about almost immediately. Mary-Anne was a beautiful, her hair was like straight out of shampoo commercials, silky, wavy and blond. She didn’t have too many pictures and the last photo was from a year ago. Riley could see why Leona liked her so much; she was perfect. Not just the way she looked but also the way she presented herself. Photos with her family, photos on her family ranch. A few with Savannah. From what Riley had gathered, Mary-Anne was a family person, a vet who not only took care of their farm animals but also volunteered in animal shelters, had many friends and an amazing smile. In short, she was perfect and Riley could never even compete.

She clicked on the tagged photos and zoomed in on the first one. And there it was, the bump.

The picture was posted a week before and the bump wasn’t too big. If Riley had to guess, Mary-Anne was probably four, five at most, months pregnant. She quickly ran the numbers in her head only to realize it was more than possible that she got pregnant while Riley was gone.

Leona was right.

~~~~

Rationally, the child didn’t necessarily have to be Drake’s. Mary-Anne could be pregnant and it could have nothing to do with Drake. 

But a part of her, that self-consious part that Leona loved to appeal to, was scared. Because what if Drake decided to go back to Mary-Anne and raise their child together? 

Obviously, Riley would let him. She left him once, she had no right to be selfish. But she prayed, hoped, kept her fingers crossed that it was just one Leona’s life and not new reality that she would eventually have to accept.

When Drake came home, she was too jittery to talk. Before he could ask what was wrong, she headed out, saying she wanted to go for a walk. 

The longer she walked the more guilty she felt. She lied to Drake again. How could he forgive her after all of that? Not even an hour passed when she ran back home and startled Drake.

“Riley?” What happened?” Drake sat straight on the couch and paused the movie he was watching.

“I lied. I lied again after telling you I would never lie and I hate that I did it. I panicked. I panicked and lied like a coward that I am and now you won’t trust me ever again and you’d be right and I just messed up our last chance to fix things and I hurt you again and I’m so, so sorry.” She sobbed.

“Whoa, Riley, calm down, please. I don’t understand. Sit down and tell me what happened.” Drake grabbed Riley’s arm and pulled her down on the couch, next to him. 

She took a deep breath. “It wasn’t Daniel who called. It was your aunt. Leona.” She bit her lip and risked a look at Drake. He seemed... unmoved.

“I know,” he simply said.

“You... what? You know?!”

Drake shrugged. “I heard you.”

“So you were eavesdropping!”

“I wasn’t. I went to the kitchen to look for you and when you said ‘Leona, what are you talking about’ I assumed you were talking to my aunt.”

“So... Why didn’t you say anything when I told you it was Daniel? Oh gosh, you must have hated me! I lied to your face! And you knew I lied!”

“I didn’t hate you. I was just... waiting until you tell me. I was disappointed at first, but I know you need time to digest things before saying anything. So I waited. And I’m really glad you decided to tell me after all.”

“So you’re not mad? You don’t hate me?” She asked and then added seeing his raised eyebrow, “I need to make sure!”

“I’m not at you. And I don’t hate you. But we need to do something about Leona.”

Riley nodded and bit her lip again. After a few seconds she broke the silence. “There’s something else.”

“What?” Drake frowned.

“Leona said... Apart from the fact that I’m ruining your life by coming back, she said that you were seeing other women while I was gone. Like Mary-Anne, your ex. And that Mary-Anne is pregnant now. With your child. And she is. Pregnant I mean, not with your child. I mean, I don’t know that but I know she is pregnant in fact. I checked it on Instagram.”

Drake clenched his jaw and closed his eyes. He was silent for a few moments and Riley thought she was going to pass out. 

“You think it’s my child?” He asked calmly.

“I don’t know. A part of me, the bigger part, says no. But there’s this self-consious part which overthinks every possibility. Is it? The child, is it yours?”

“No, Riley.”

She closed her eyes, relief written all over her face. She felt Drake’s hands taking hers and she opened her eyes. 

“Since the day we walked into that bar in New York, I haven’t been with anyone, but you. I never wanted anyone but you. And no matter what Leona says, I would never touch anyone else.”

She nodded, tears streaming down her face, half happy, half relieved. 

“I’m sorry I ever doubted you. I love you so much,” she whispered and kissed him lightly. 

“Have you?” He asked hoarsely. She shook her head.

“Never? Not even with Liam?”

She shook her head again. “Not even with Liam. It’s always been you.”

And then Drake kissed her, not lightly, not softly, not shyly, but like a husband that kissed his wife after being away from her for too long. Like a man who finally got his woman back. They were kissing not like strangers but like two people who knew each other for ages. Like they were making up for the lost time. Like they never had a break. Like they loved each other.

~~~~

“Why are you laughing?” Drake groaned. It was five in the morning and even though Drake was used to waking up early, he didn’t get enough sleep the night before.

“It’s just...” Riley chuckled into Drake’s chest. “When Leona called me yesterday I’m sure she didn’t expect she’d actually help us make up.” She motioned their naked bodies and Drake laughed.

“Oh definitely not. I’m tempted to call her and thank her.”

“Oh gosh, imagine her face,” Riled giggled.

They laughed and joked and kissed until it was time to get out of bed. Drake had some business with Liam and Riley had plans on her own. Plans she didn’t talk about with anyone. 

If it worked out, it hopefully would be another step towards fixing their marriage and another reason to celebrate. 

Riley took a deep breath; inhaling hope and exhaling doubts. 

TAGGING: @gardeningourmet​​ @delightfullypinkglitter​​ @alesana45​​ @walkerdrakewalker​​ @karahalloway​​ @kingliam2019​​ @lovingchoices14​​ @tessa-liam​​ @gkittylove99​​ @texaskitten30 @twinkleallnight​​ @rubiwalker​​ @differenttyphoonwerewolf​​ @nestledonthaveone​​ @marshmallowsandfire​​ @21-wishes​​ @thequeenofcronuts​​ @iaminlovewithtrr​​ @angelasscribbles​​ @ladyangel70 @tinkie1973 @belencha77​​ @lunaseasblog​​ @alyshak92​​ @xpandass420x​​​ @queen-arabella-of-cordonia​

[hopeshoodie]

Does anyone else feel like the lady characters in THTH don’t have as much interiority as the men so far? 

Jada is the most fleshed (post to follow about that because I have thoughts), but to me the romanceable women feel flat when compared to how the romanceable men are written. 

Marisa is probably the girl we have the most details about- her yoga stuff, that she spends most of her time doing outdoor stuff like biking/hiking/camping- but as for personality we just get that she's overly romantic, hot headed, and jealous. But not a lot of her thoughts on the events of the game, she doesn’t really form friendships with the other cast members outside of her and Theo being united in the no-rule break committee. Even Theo gets some exploration into his mixed feelings about rule-breaking with the player, whereas Marisa kinda just says ‘oh well I really like you’. 

Dakota is the most quirky of all the girls, but literally has no personality outside of 'lol I'm confident! I like food! Touch my butt and feed me pizza!!' We only get personal details about her incidentally (grew up by the ocean) or when other people are revealing things (she’s a workaholic per the conversation with Liam). We get that she revels in having gossip to share, but only when it moves the plot forward. 

I won’t count this against Priya because she’s only been here for a day, but I know nothing about her other than Girlboss (™). 

And Sarah just… I did a loyal route with her and I feel like I know nothing about her. She knows she’s hot, she’s competitive, she likes to have a good time, she hates being told what to do. But she doesn’t have any of the breadcrumbs about her life outside the show, or a backstory on why she’s here/why she’s like this/who she is. Even the intimate suite scene that has the chance to ask other LIs questions is like… Just her flirting with you. Which like, I know some people irl aren’t comfortable sharing about themselves, but she just seems so shallow without the little bits that make her more rounded. 

And like, it’s fine. It’s the same characterization that you’d get in like Episode or Lovelink, but it feels off to me because the men are written in a similar way to characters in LITG- fleshed out, multifaceted, distinct characters.

Like.

We see Theo reckoning with insecurities about his music and wanting to be the most wanted person in the room (but very much not being). He struggles with obviously wanting money and also being a massive whore. 

We see Henri trying to self modulate between these intense emotions but wanting to not appear too forward, and being out of his element. We see how open and earnest he is as he talks about his life and values. 

Liam is just Liam 🥰. (FR Liam’s my favorite boy because his character is v nuanced TO ME) He’s here for a good time and is unattached but also gets jealous quickly and makes rash decisions because of it. He’s goofy with the other guys but also stands his ground to get what he wants. He's direct about what he wants but doesn't take it too far or make it anyone else's problem. He's genuinely friends with the other cast members. He’s clearly very smart and successful but doesn’t talk about it/have a lot of bravado.

But none of the girls outside of Jada have similar storyline. I just. I want more from the women. Sarah and Alex’s one-sided rivalry is fun and Henri/Dakota’s one-off gaff about stealing food was amusing, but they’re the few times the girls interact with other cast members who aren’t MC. 

I want to see Sarah and Theo’s ‘OMG we’re NOT interested in each other NO WAY’ partners in crime schtick grow into a friends to lovers arc. I want to see Dakota either finally getting into the core group of friends (Jada, MC, Alex) or getting upset that she’s usually excluded. I want to see Marisa floundering because if MC isn’t with her she literally has nothing going on. 

I just want to see character setups and arcs similar to what it seems like all the guys have gotten. 

[edith-hyde]

Finally Watching The Teen Wolf Movie

I finally got access to Paramount+ and while I've been using it to watch Star Trek, I thought it was high time I tried to watch the Teen Wolf Movie.

Now I already know the ending and I already know who the bad guy is.

I am only 20 minutes in and I just... 4 people wrote this together and it still ended up this BAD? I thought when I saw people saying it was bad, that they were just overexaggerating. Nope. I already have SO MANY questions.

Why would Scott leave his pack?? That never made sense in the show and it still doesn't make sense in the movie. You're the Alpha bro. Act like it.

Why in the world does Liam have the nogitsune box?? He wasn't even there for that Arc!! Isaac was the one who had it last along with Chris. Why would they ever give it to Liam?? I guess if they thought he was the last place anyone would look but... idk. It's just weird.

Speaking of Liam, I have nothing against him being with Hikari. That's fine and dandy. They seem super cute. But... who... who were the guys with guns???? Is Liam a part of a gang? Are they his new pack? I have hopes this will get answered later in the movie, but knowing Teen Wolf... it probably won't.

I know we all are wondering who Eli's mom is. And it's like the writers aren't even trying to be logical with it. Allison died 15 years ago. Eli is 15. That means Derek had to have him with someone during season 3. But the only person he was with during that time was the crazy Druid lady, Jennifer. Are we supposed to believe she's the mom?? That doesn't even make any sense because she died just a few days after sleeping with Derek. My Conclusion: Eli is the Dawn of Teen Wolf. If you've watched Buffy, then you know what I am talking about. He has literally materialized out of nowhere and the memories of the characters were altered to make them think he had been there all along. The is the most logical explanation for his existence.

"Why is Jackson here?" is the summary of how I feel about this movie so far. It's like the writers totally forgot how AWFUL Jackson was when he was on the show. It was bad enough when they brought him back for no reason for the final season. This is even worse. He's not even really Jackson. It's like he went off to London and magically became Sherlock Holmes. Jackson was NOT that smart. EVER.

Scott saved the dog before saving the little girl. Wow.

They try to add cussing to be like "Yeah! We'Re A gRoWn Up sHow NoW!" But the dialogue is still cheesy as heck. Don't get me wrong, I love cheese, but this is just.... it's spoiled cheese. Also, JR seems like he just wanted to see how many F words he could get away with.

Oh so Chris just so happens to know some kind of ritual for this exact situation? And he's just bringing this up now?? The whole conversation between Scott, Chris, and Deacon is so clunky it hurts. (EDIT: okay so I thought Chris was acting funky. It's the fox. Alright. That's fine.)

Surprisingly, I am not that upset about Scott still pining after Allison. He's a wolf. Wolves mate for life. Plus it tracks for him. He's always been like that.

Lydia... I love you honey but what was that whole thing with rubbing down Scott's arm and holding his hand? Was that supposed to be a comforting gesture?? It was way too flirtatious.

Peter hasn't even shown up yet and he's the only reason I will keep watching.