#that's what i get for writing stream of consciousness ig

[apatheticlexicographer]

so, like, the main message of stranger things is obviously that it's okay to be different, right???

i'm pretty sure everyone knows that lol. all the main characters are either "weirdos" in some way, suffering from trying to force themselves to conform to societal norms, or both.

eddie even explicitly spells it out for us!!! "forced conformity, that's what's killing the kids" (i'll be comìng back to this quote later)

what seems strange, then, is how this connects to the antagonists of the show. usually, antagonists have goals, values and motivations that act as foils and counters to those of the protagonists. this can be incredibly simplistic, e.g. "hero wants to save people, villain wants to hurt people". occasionally, though increasingly more frequently in the current era of storytelling, a villain will have motives that seemingly mirror or compliment those of the hero, but that are corrupted in some way. this is the classic "we're not so different, you and i" type of villain.

brenner and the russians are both interested in weaponising and studying types of nonconformity. brenner seems to think he has complimentary motives to el, but he really doesn't.

the creatures of the upside down are, without guidance, just feral animals. dustin's relationship with dart literally proves that they have zero malicious motivations, or motivations at all beyond a desire for food.

the non-brenner government is the only antagonistic force actively trying to erase the nonconformity. their goals are the most opposed to those of the protagonists, but they share the same broad motive of wanting to keep people safe.

but henry, vecna, the mindflayer, whatever you want to call him??? the apparent main antagonist of the show??? he hates that forced conformity too!!! he spends an excruciating amount of time monologuing about how much he hates it!!! he loathes his mother for looking down on him for being different, and brenner for taking advantage of him for it. he encouraged eleven by reassuring her that she was different from the others, and that it was a good thing.

his values aren't just similar or complimentary, they are a straight up copy+paste of the show's message, but held by a bitter man with a grudge.

but why??? what does this communicate to the audience??? that it's okay to be different, unless you don't want to forgive the people who have judged you for it???

well first of all, that's a shitty fuckin message.

second of all, if that's the case then el, the main character of the show, is in opposition to the message!!! while s4 played with her morality, she wouldn't be cast in contrast to the statement the story is making, she's not that kind of protagonist.

and then i had a thought.

all of henry's victims are traumatised and struggling with mental health issues, yes, but that's not why he targets them. he targets them because they're trying to hide their struggles and conform with what is expected of them.

in a way, then, he's representative of the kind of deep self loathing that comes from lying about who you are. he's the personification of intrusive thoughts- literally, when he uses the visions on his victims!!!

from a meta perspective, he's acting like the very things he hates. if the structure of society is choking the life out of people who deviate from it, then he is the most drastic manifestation of that. forced conformity is killing the kids in spirit, and henry embodies it when he kills them in reality as well.

from a character perspective again, the problem with henry isn't his values themselves, but his utter lack of tolerance for others. not intolerance for people who actively go against his beliefs, either, but intolerance for those who aren't quite ready to apply them to themselves yet. nobody can ever break free of the confines of society if they are punished and broken simply for being born into it.

i think the message of henry's character is this:

accept and embrace the ways in which you are different, but do not look down on others for not yet being able to do the same.

[kruzbr]

hahh yea thats the stuff

rant time ig (and spoilers? idk if me just not being super happy with the new season/series is spoilers but just in case be warned)

idk man it feels like the show isn't even written by the same people as the original show. joanfk doesn't happen radada whatever but the writing just isn't the same either and I just don't find it fun anymore (sometimes I wish I could be one of u bleacher creature enjoyers, yall seem to be having the good time that I'm not having). the 'new crush of the week' shit that this show has become feels so juvenile and written like an early 2000s middle schooler it's crazy (it's a joke on dumb teen romances but what if I don't find it funny anymore? get a new bit please)

kinda just wished the reboot didn't happen, it feels like the writers are just doing random ass shit and forgetting the reasons why people liked the show to begin with lets not forget that a huge part of the resurgence was BECAUSE joanfk was so well loved and throwing that into the face of those fans is SUPER cool and does not make me feel so stupid for begging for a new season but whatever - completely threw away this chance of getting to continue this story that was ended too soon, which hey might just be a HBO thing but who really knows.

idk if this is gonna be the last time I'm doing fanart for clone high (after I finished this season I said I wasn't going to cuz literally nothing appealed to me to draw but quickly lied because I had some thoughts I needed to scream into the void lmao) but don't be surprised if that happens. sorry if none of this is coherent, very stream of consciousness and can't give more of a shit lmao

[hexgaywire]

LUXIEM Bedtime Routine

Writing type: Headcanons

Rating: SFW

Total Word count: 1036≈(before edits)

Other notes: Implied some sort of established relationship with the reader (you can interpret as platonic or romantic, it's up to you)

Featured?: Ike, Myta, Vox, Luca, and Shu

Author comment: HA! with a blog name like mine you'd expect a XSOLEI headcanons first but gotta keep them guessing ig.... Please enjoy;; my headcanons are a stream of my consciousness if anything; I haven't written anything publicly in like a year ahaha (killme)

Disclaimer and Reminder; this is based on the characters made by NIJISANJI, not the people behind the character voicing them. If in the future the person expresses or states that fics of this nature makes them uncomfortable I will 100% remove this or anything I write about the characters involved.

Bedtime routine:

Always has a cup of sleepy time tea before bed

Will force you to drink one too (because you both have no sleep schedule <3)

For nights where you both go to sleep on time, skin care routine

Hear me out.... I'm talking face masks, creams the full sends baby

Once all of that is taken care of y'all will eventually change into whatever you sleep in (Oliver-sensei outted Ike the other day for sleeping in only boxers lmfao but that's not relevant)

He will spend at least an hour reading in bed before falling asleep, be prepared with a sleeping eye mask maybe?

Or start a night time books club with him because he will not change this

He is a novelist after all

Once he's done reading and the glasses come off, one of two things will happen

He will fall asleep immediately

Or you guys will be up for the majority of the night talking about deep stuff

You know those sleepovers you have with your homies where it gets deep, that's what I mean

Regardless what time you pass out you are sure to sleep safe next to Ike!

Extras:

Ike doesn't strike me as a guy who likes to cuddle in bed, if anything you accidently snuggle up to him he'll shuffle away from you

He sometimes will fall asleep at his desk which is a habit he only started since streaming, back when he was novelist he didn't have this problem for some reason

Ike sleeps with like one blanket? I hope you like the cold &lt;3

Bedtime routine:

I feel like Mysta's bedtime routine is a wildcard, you never know what he's gunna be doing to eventually end up in bed

You brush your teeth and he goes "OoOOoh I knew I was forgetting to do something."

Sleeping feels more like a chore to him then a necessity

You'll catch this man up at 3 am playing Minecraft and he'll still be like "Oh shit, is it bedtime?"

He's a piece of work to even get him to start to migrate towards the bedroom

Once he finally changes and lays down; he's kind of like Ike, where he'll immediately pass out or will spend hours talking to you

However the conversations are more like "Why is cheddar cheese orange do you think?"

GOOGLE IT IDK I'M TIRED

Once he finally falls asleep he 100% mumbles in his sleep, you find it endearing as you slip on a pair of headphones or earplug's

Extras:

Opposed to Ike; you will wake up either cuddling or being cuddled by Mysta

Despite the struggle to get this man into bed, he sleeps better next to someone

Known to occasionally sleep walk

You found him in the bathtub one time it was kinda scary

He firmly denies this ever happened

Bedtime Routine:

Vox is very ritualist when it comes to bedtime

He's also a very sleepy demon and enjoys maximizing his sleep to its full extent

So with him it's very "no nonsense"

He takes a shower

Blow-dries and cares for his hair

He brushes his teeth (While still in a towel)

Again h e a r m e o u t....

He's a voice demon that came back to life, he has a skincare routine for bedtime (Still in a towel btw)

All luxury products of course

After that he change into something comfy

For some reason after all of that this man sleeps in mismatched socks like a sociopathy

Once y'all lay down he'll watch some stupid memes on his phone of a bit or do some light reading

There is no in between

Once he's done however he is out like a light, usually within an arms reach of you

Extras:

Similarly to Mysta, you will wake up in his arms

It's funny because he insists it's entirely your doing

On the rare occasions where he can't sleep he'll get up and cook something

He says it helps him relax

The delicious aroma however wakes you up and the two of you share a lovely midnight snack

Bedtime Routine:

Luca tends to stay up really late

This is partial because of old work habits (if no ones awake to see you get rid of a body then it isn't a problem)

Luca like Vox though has bit of a ritualist bedtime getting ready routine though

Shower

Brush teeth

Change

Without fall no matter how late into the night (morning) it is

Once in bed, he crashes

The man is out like a light

I think because his bedroom is definitely his own space he feels at ease and can just doze off

It does help that he has a very nice bed I guess too

Once again you know you can sleep safe next to Luca, he wouldn't let anything disturb you

Extras:

Like Mysta, Luca does occasionally talks in his sleep, but not nearly as loud as Mysta does

He doesn't strike me as the cuddling type either, i think if you tired it wake him up

Despite being able to sleep easily he also wakes up super easily

Again probably due to his pat

Fear not though, once Luca let's his gaurd down again he passses out pretty quickly again

Bedtime routine:

Shu, like Ike, has a big cup of tea before bed

He swears up and down that drinking something warm before bed gets you to sleep faster

He's also diligent with his night time hygiene needs

Once again; for the final time, I'm asking you to hear me out

Skin

Care

Routine

You cannot sit here and tell Mr. Shu Sorcerer Yamino (eyyyyyyyyy) doesn't take good care of his skin

Off track but anyway

Kind of like Luca, once he's in bed he is out

I also feel like Shu snores but like not loud? It's kinda like white noise (like listening to ocean??)

Sleep well sweet sorcerer

Extras:

Shu is also not a cuddler, he's more the type to like accidently fall out of bed if you snuggle up to him

He doesn't like feeling the extra body heat on him while he sleeps

Off topic again but he also has a strict morning routine which consists of him getting up early

He's be trying to get you on board but like sleep ya know?

(My request are open plz send me some)

[spade-riddles]

Spade… I think something is afoot with this Amazon book, but not in the way everyone else thinks.

When you go to the Amazon page for the “Tortured Poets” - Willow Bowery book (published on Feb 22nd, or the 53rd day of the year — 🎁 anon), there is this description:

The 🎁 anon used the same language of what “this is” and what “this is not” in the clues. So we know what this book is NOT… it’s not the manuscript. It’s not an album or a department. It’s shared musings between an author and their audience. Got it.

Here’s where it gets interesting. While on the page for the “Tortured Poet” book, there was a sponsored ad for another poetry book: “This is a sign.” by Anon. This popped up right below the other book, as an ad, not in the “you might also like” section (so not based on search algorithm, but is a paid ad by the anon author).

Remember on February 20th (2 ✌🏼days before this Willow Bowery book was published to Amazon) when TaylorNation posted the pic of old Taylor from her Funeral in Anti-Hero with the caption “if we won the lotto, we wouldn’t tell anyone. But there would be signs.”

And everyone was all like… wtf? Seemed totally out of the blue.

(🎁 anon mentions PUBLISH and says something about looking above/for the ones the came before it)

Here is the description for This Is a Sign - Anon (published to Amazon on Dec. 20, 2023).

Book overview

“For those of us who are looking for a sign that everything will be okay, this is it.

This is a sign. is a stream of consciousness in the form of poetry and prose collected from journals and phone notes written by anon in “the pond” of her twenties, typed on a 1980s Smith Corona Typewriter, and arranged into this collection. It explores themes of home, heartache, heartbreak, and healing.”

At the Tribeca Film Festival Q&A, Taylor reveals that Typewriter in the All Too Well Short Film was an Easter Egg — it was the instrument by which the protagonist, Her, would go on to write her book.

The specific typewriter in the ATW short film was a Smith-Corona, sold under the Sears Cutlass brand.

In the author description on Amazon, it says:

“seeking to soothe souls through poetry and prose”

and provides a link to this website: anonpoetryandprose.com

So naturally, I followed the link and it takes you to a very basic webpage with a notice of the book launch, a link back to the Amazon page, and a banner that scrolls “This is a sign. -This is a sign” continuously.

The sidebar menu has only 2 options: Contact (“send me a sign”) by email, and “Postcards from Poet” for $20 with the following description: Randomly chosen poems from This is a sign. handwritten by me on a locally-sourced vintage postcard and sent to you from wherever I am ✨

Sounds like this mysterious Anon is quite the jetsetter, traveling around the world and sending postcards.

If the Willow Bowery “Tortured Poet” book is a callback to this community, and specifically to the 🎃 anon riddles, then I surmise that, with the bizzaro TN “there will be signs” ig post and the ATW short film typewriter Easter egg… perhaps our mystery author is TS herself, and this book of poetry (I’m guessing written while she recorded at Long Pond at age 29), Is a message to “us” who need reassurances that everything will be okay.

Anyway, long story short I ordered the book. And I think I might get a postcard when she starts her tour again… and see where it’s sent from.

[tartigglez]

HIIIII CAN I BE 🫧 ANON?? ILY THANKS!!!

could i get diluc (+ ur favs!!) assisting reader who’s hurt in battle :(( jus want my darknight hero to come rescue me 😮‍💨😮‍💨

hi nonnie! sorry it took me a while to get this done. i honestly don't really like what i've come up with but i hope its something along the lines of what you were looking for! also, i decided to make this a oneshot as opposed to hc's, so enjoy!

"do not concern yourself with such matters"

diluc x gn!reader

genre: fluff, hurt/comfort (???)

word count: 900-ish

tags: lol get rescued ig, diluc doesn't know how to interact normally which is lowkey kinda funny, reader gets injured, physical contact/being carried?

tw/cw: cuts, wounds, generally just,, pain? also diluc lowkey just takes the reader to his house while they're unconscious (no negative intent), idk how to put this other than "examining the thighs" of the reader but he's TREATING A CUT OKAY? i think that's it?

a/n: eek this took to long to write bc i was being lazy, so it might feel a little disjointed or as celeste would put it: "might read like a wet dog"

cryo abyss mage.

23:00 

200m from dawn winery.

you awoke with a pounding head, and little to no feeling in any part of your body, blurry vision and barely any consciousness, just feeling icy, freezing. you noticed nothing but pure, vibrant vermillion, before closing your eyes again, not knowing at all what was going on, completely unaware.

23:35

50m from dawn winery

slowly willing your eyes open, in a daze, with your head resting against something warm, comforting, you could hear loud breathing, and some sort of fast movement… running? someone was… carrying you? with it being far too exhausting to stay awake, you closed your eyes once again...

00:30

dawn winery

you awakened in a warm room, in some sort of bed. a cosy blanket covered your legs and waist, and your head rested on soft pillows. you had very little recollection of anything that happened, but still felt oddly safe. upon looking around the room, you saw a few dimly lit lamps, oak furniture, some sort of grand vanity set, and wooden floorboards. 

the stream of thoughts running through your head was interrupted by the entrance of a tall, handsome man, dressed in a black t-shirt and some sort of lounge trousers, wearing thinly rimmed glasses, sporting the same vermillion locks you had envisioned earlier. and he was… carrying two glasses of water? this man was… what was his name? the bartender… ah, yes!

“master ragnvindr? what.. are you doing here? what am i doing here? what happened?”

“there is no need for being so formal, since we’ve spoken before. then again perhaps you don’t remember, you were rather intoxicated. call me diluc. as for what i’m doing here, this is my home, why wouldn’t i be here? as for what happened, and why you are here… i think you might need a lesson on why we shouldn't approach enemies alone, hm?

“but… the abyss mage. it was outside th-”

“i took care of it. don’t worry”

“i-okay”

there was a silence in the room, which was somewhat uncomfortable, awkward, but not unbearable, and you knew it was up to you to break it. 

“what…”

“what happened?”

“i presume from your injuries, and the fact that the mage was no longer shielded that you managed to break its shield before it hit you with an attack. judging by your current symptoms it seems that it hit you with some sort of direct cryo energy to the head, which explains your lack of consciousness” 

“but… why were you…?”

“do not concern yourself with such matters”

“i… but–”

“here, i brought you water. you should focus on recovering for now. how are you feeling?”

he moved himself to sit next to you on the bed, as you sat up to take the glass out of his hand. 

“thanks… i’m okay, just a bit achey”

“achey? did you sustain any other injuries?”

“uh, my leg feels a little weird, but don’t worry about it, i’m sure it’s fine”

"if you are injured, you must tell me.”

“i think it might be cut but… it’s fine, i’ll deal with it”

“where?”

“oh… uh-”

“where.”

his tone was stern, but certainly not angry. somehow gentle but assertive at the same time.

“uh, somewhere on my thigh, i think-”

“give me one moment.”

he got up and abruptly left the room. this diluc -as you now called him- certainly was a strange, strange man…

you then heard the door into the room click closed once again. the man was now holding a first aid kit, and what looked like a pair of shorts… how odd. 

“here, change into these and i’ll have a look at it.”

“but… master diluc, don’t you think that’s a little-”

“a little what?”

“uh, nothing, nevermind…”

“i’ll be back in a few”

“oh, uhm, okay…”

and so, seemingly having no other option, you slowly, somewhat painfully changed into the shorts, noticing a lesion on your right thigh. it wasn’t particularly deep, but it was long, and still bleeding a little bit.

a knock on the door put an end to your thoughts.

“are you done? may i come in?”

“uh… yeah.”

he slowly opened the door, you sitting on his bed looking at your wound, and him looking concerned. he then sat down on the bed beside you, after lifting the first aid kit from the dresser where he had left it. he proceeded to lift some antiseptic out, to start cleaning the wound. 

“here, this might sting a bit”

he pushed the hem of the shorts up your leg a bit so he could have full access to the cut. he then began dabbing at it with the cotton.

“agh, it hurts”

that feeling was immense pain, and you felt a little childish, having your injuries tended to like this.

purely by natural instinct, diluc moved his free hand to one of yours, interlacing your fingers with his and squeezing gently. his hand was warm and calloused, and he was extremely focused on the task at hand, so he didn’t seem to notice you admiring his rather striking features.

“you’re okay, i’m almost done”

you hissed in pain, burying your head into his shoulder out of instinct. thankfully he didn’t seem to mind. 

“there, done. are you alright?"

“yeah, yeah, thank you”

“not a problem. do you need anything else?”

“uh, no, i don’t think so”

“alright, in that case then, i'll be going to bed.”

“wait”

“yes?”

“uh…”

“uh?”

“can you… stay?”

“i was waiting for that”

(au where diluc is secretly a flirty bastard)

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Hi, 👋 I’m currently in a writer’s block but also trying to note down some writing exercises to get me into the groove again. Do you have any exercise tips for writers?

PS: I just heard a cover of My Immortal (original song by Evanescence) and immediately thought of Good Omens. My brain is also connecting every song with Good Omens. Help!😅

Anyways, I hope you have a fantastic day/night whenever you’ll answer this!😊

HELLO ANON MAGGOT HELLO IT'S THE NIGHT AND I'M ON BLACK COFFEE AND YOU HAVE PICKED THE RIGHT PERSON TO ASK I'VE BEEN INHALING BOOKS ON WRITING FOR ALMOST AS LONG AS I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN WRITING.

OKAY NOW LISTEN YOUR LIL EARS UP. I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU SOME EXERCISES, AND THEN I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU ADVICE FOR WRITER'S BLOCK. GOT IT? KAY LET'S GO WRITERS.

FIRST, WRITING EXERCISES.

NOTICING. NOTICING, NOTICING, NOTICING. LOOK AROUND YOU AT THE THINGS YOU SEE, THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW, THE TEXTURES YOU FEEL, THE SOUNDS YOU HEAR, EVERYTHING. AND THEN WRITE THEM DOWN. JUST KEEP DESCRIBING. YOUR BRAIN MAY NOT BE ABLE TO COME UP WITH FRESH MATERIAL RIGHT NOW, BUT IT CAN DESCRIBE THINGS. A BONUS, THIS WILL REALLY HELP THE QUALITY OF YOUR DESCRIPTIONS, SINCE YOU'LL BE ABLE TO PICK INTERESTING DETAILS AND KNOW WHAT TO LEAVE OUT.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS WRITING. THIS MAY BE A BIT HARDER, BUT JUST START WRITING ABOUT WHATEVER COMES TO YOUR HEADS. ANY THOUGHTS, PUT IT DOWN. DON'T BOTHER ABOUT THINGS LIKE PUNCTUATION OR GRAMMAR OR SENSE. JUST KEEP WRITING WHATEVER ARRIVES. IF THIS GETS HARD, YOU CAN MAYBE FIND A PROMPTING WORD TO GET YOU GOING. A BONUS, THIS WILL TRAIN YOUR WRITING TO BE MORE SPONTANEOUS AND NATURAL RATHER THAN ARTIFICIAL OR MANUFACTURED.

WRITE WITH A PURPOSE. PICK ANY INCIDENT FROM YOUR LIFE, SOMEONE ELSE'S, ANY INCIDENT WILL DO AS LONG AS YOU HAVE ENOUGH DETAILS OR CAN COME UP WITH THEM. NOW WRITE THAT INCIDENT DOWN THE WAY YOU WOULD DESCRIBE A SCENE IN A BOOK, BUT WITH A CATCH: FIRST THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO CONVEY. FOR EXAMPLE, IF THE SCENE IS JUST YOU BURNING BREAKFAST WAFFLES, COME UP WITH DIFFERENT PURPOSES. FIRST WRITE IT WITH THE PURPOSE OF CONVEYING YOUR CLUMSINESS TO THE READER. THEN REWRITE IT WITH THE PURPOSE OF DEFENDING YOURSELF AND BLAMING THE FAULTY STOVE. THEN REWRITE IT WITH THE PURPOSE OF CREATING A SENSE OF FEAR AND AN ATMOSPHERE OF HORROR. THEN REWRITE IT AS A COMEDY. A BONUS, THIS HELPS YOU FOCUS YOUR SCENES AND KNOW WHAT DETAILS TO GIVE ABOUT AN EVENT TO SERVE THE SCENE'S PURPOSE IN THE STORY.

OKAY I'VE GONE ON A LOT IDK MAYBE Y'ALL WANT ME TO SHARE MORE WRITING EXERCISES? SOME I'VE LEARNED AND SOME I COME UP WITH IT'S ALL WILD. IDK LET ME KNOW IF THAT'S SOMETHING YOU WANT. I NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT WRITING ONCE I START.

AS FOR YOUR WRITER'S BLOCK:

LEARN MORE. ROBERT MCKEE SAID IN HIS STORY THAT WRITER'S BLOCK IS MORE A LACK OF INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR STORY AND YOUR WORLD. DO MORE RESEARCH ABOUT YOUR WORLD, CHARACTERS, STORYLINE, ETC. TAKE THIS WITH A PINCH OF SALT I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO DOWN A RABBITHOLE OF RESEARCH AND NOT WRITE.

REVIST THE STORY AND PREMISE. ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK. COULD IT BE BECAUSE THE STORY NO LONGER AFFECTS YOU AS DEEPLY OR IT ISN'T AS IMPORTANT TO YOU ANYMORE? ARE THERE THINGS YOU NEED TO TWEAK SO WRITING IT IS SOMETHING YOU CARE MORE ABOUT? THIS ISN'T ALWAYS THE CASE BUT STILL. IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STORY IT'S UNREASONABLE TO EXPECT ANYONE ELSE TO.

WRITE SCENES OUT OF ORDER. OKAY, THIS IS HOW I FINISHED THE FIRST DRAFT OF MY DEBUT NOVEL. I JUST WROTE WHATEVER SCENE I FELT LIKE WRITING AT THE TIME. DURING THE SECOND DRAFT I REWROTE THE ENTIRE THING IN ORDER. BUT THIS WAY I KNEW I CARED ABOUT THE SCENE I WAS WRITING AND IT WAS AUTHENTIC. JUST SOMETHING THAT MIGHT HELP.

THERE ARE MORE BUT IG THIS POST IS GETTING LONG I HOPE THIS HELPED ANON MAGGOT GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR WRITING!!!!!!! IM SORRY THIS IS IN CAPS LOCK IT COULDN'T BE HELPED. HAVE A LOVELY DAY AND MAY YOU WRITE MANY WORDS.

PS: ALSO MY IMMORTAL JUST REMINDS ME OF @patoslover'S CURSED MY IMMORTAL X GOOD OMENS FIC NOW HELP

[toyherb]

long rambling stream of consiousnes post

remember when someone was called our for making porn of their oc but aged up and the anon was like "but you have portrayed them as a kid too" and everyone was like. people age dude. they don't exist as a child to (author) etc etc

anyway I think the way we think if this kind of discourse has messed with our minds and how we think of fictional characters. thankfully I am not engaged in any sort of shipping discourse in any fandom. and I always stay silent on my opinions on this but I just wanted to like... sort my thoughts ig

please read the footnotes this was so stream of consciousness djhavavkda

I hate proshippers and how they behave they are so annoying and act like people who disagree with them are all stupid dumb dumb babies. I have more thoughts but this isn't really about them.

having said that I'm not an anti by any means... anti culture does not attract me, and I would rather spend my time having fun with media I like and avoiding what I dislike.

there is no room for people with a moderate opinion in this discourse. people in the middle seem to pick a side and then try hard to fit in or explain weird logic to make what they feel okay to them (if they are an anti who wants to ship or make porn something tabboo, they by certain logic it is okay) or ignore things that make them upset (on the proshipper side). unless I'm just so far removed I don't even see these people (since potentially they also just don't engage with the discussion, or do so privately)

I think, on the topic of aging up characters it depends on SO many factors whether it feels "morally okay" or not. like in the first example, the character experiences time and is portrayed at different life stages and porn of them as an adult, made by the author, exists. all of that is extremely normal and healthy. my thoughts on this extend to characters who are not adults in popular media. I don't think people who do this are attracted to teenagers , but rather the idea of that character as an adult and their partner (if this is about sex or shipping or whatever) who is the same or similar age as them.*(1)

even if the characters do not "belong" to them, to me this is like playing with barbies and thinking of stories on your own. especially with anything illustrated or drawn which really lends itself to imagination and different interpretations of characters.

having said that. I do not really feel comfortable with the idea of actually elementary age children being aged up for porn if they have never been portrayed as an adult or older teen. it's weird? it doesn't make sense to me. like. with a teenage character you have a better idea of who that character will be as an adult (even if obviously we change a lot between being teens vs adults) but with a young kid? like, when you see them you are still picturing the child even if the art is them grown up. there is not context to imagine them as a whole adult if it's just porn. this was messy but idk how to phrase this properly.

(I am specifically thinking of Pearl from Ace Attorney when I write this. which differs in the next example in that Pearl is a kid surrounded by adults and engages with the world and the writing as a child and has little agency over herself. in a way i think people who have childhood trauma can see this and a portrayal of [adult] pearl having agency, even in a pornographic way, is safe and theraputic. i think thats kind of poetic tbh but it still makes me sad and upset to think of pearl sexually)*(2)

it's gets more confusing and hard to form feelings on this kind of thing because of how nuanced every situation can be. like when Rugrats All Grown Up was a thing, I'm sure people who grew up with the show thought the adult versions were attractive and proceeded how you can imagine. It.... doesn't feel THAT weird to me I guess? The characters were portrayed whith whole personalities, from their perspectives, and how they are treated by the original show (at least in my faint memory), it kind of makes sense. You don't think of them as just babies but as whole people.

(this is similar to how if you are a kid reading something like A Series of Unfortunate events, you might love reading about the kids facing adversity and escaping danger, but an adult reader would probably be distressed and worried for the them. I read the books as a kid and that's what my teacher said she felt. watching the TV show as an adult I understand her.)

Another example is Harry Potter. I have no real idea how people decided to write fic for it back in the early 00s, if they decided to age characters up, before the later books, but I know people were writing porn for it. (but also like. not sure why adults were such big hp fans. maybe they were just around the books for whatever reason like as a librarian or teacher or whatever). in a situation like that I think its easy to picture in your mind older characters but personally I'm still like. they were middle schoolers, bro... its very nearly absurd to me to imagine writing porn of Harry Potter characters before any depiction of them as adults existed. I GUESS you can age them up? it's still weird to me. which is weird bc the previous example we started with literal babies. hp just feels more specific with its characters and rugrats feels more loose, and I could say that's because rugrats is a kids show that primarily exists in our memory, but I also never even read harry potter

I think this ultimately has to do with how we think of characters in more personal ways. Like... in Fire Emblem Awakening, I married Chrom and Lucina was our daughter. But if you play as a boy you can marry Lucina because she comes from the future as an adult (or however old she is). I know people who think of Lucina as m!Robin's canon partner, are attracted to her, and that's fucked up to me. I just can't think of her as an adult woman, even if she is one. Like. I actually get mad thinking about it. but this is because of my personal feelings about Lucina.

(but like literally I think marrying any of 2nd gen in that game is weird so maybe i just know some weirdos)

so anyway my conclusion is that fandom is personal and what feels okay and what feels like pedophilia depends on how we engage with it and that nuance makes it difficult and even impossible to distinguish if someone is a freak or not without knowing and understanding their relationship with the media yaaaayyyyy

.

.

1*This only really feels normal if you are college age or you started liking the thing when you were younger and then got older. Unless you're galaxy brained and make those characters 30 and in an office setting I guess. How weird this whole idea is depends on on how the characters exist in their canon world, not just their age but like.... narratively(?). Like their agency, what they do, personality etc. I do not mean to imply that if you are a teenager those kinds of things make YOU more attractive to adults (on the contrary, abusers will prey on qualities that isolate you from any support), but, because fictional characters are fictional and like barbie dolls, we can change the context we want them to exist in. ie oh they're in college and not high school or whatever. Again, how you personally interact with the media also contributes, and how you initially get to know these characters also forms how you will ultimately conceive of them.

(that said the stronger it is established the characters are in high school the less I am able to reimagine them I college without having to completely imagine them changing into new people over time. the only other option really is to imagine a full on au... but even then i feel like you have to change them quite a bit.) (not to mention the more it's established they're high schoolers the less i am attracted to them... 🤢 i wouldnt change them just so i can like them. i would just not like them anymore...)

(even when i was just beginning college I was really into an Ouran high school host club character which I liked in high school, but now I'm not interested in him at all... aging out of that attraction is such a weird feeling.)

2*I want to add to this artistic, dark angle that I skim over here. As someone with fandoms which ARE dark, violent, and indeed contain abusive relationships, I think there is artistic value in certain things like this. It's not that I like to see pedophilia or incest portrayed, but that dark and fucked up stuff which is meant to wrench your gut has a right to exist. even when it's pornographic! pornographic art CAN have things to say! and even when it doesn't necessarily say much, I think that gut wrenching type stuff has value for being that way.

(although how I feel about that kind of thing is not the same as how I feel about like. porn depicting siblings that is just porn. I mean, I know that porn on its own has artistic value no matter how base we believe it to be. I'm just saying porn depicting abuse and playing into that feeling of disgust and shame is not the same as porn that's just "teehee my step sister is a whore." although I think the difference between these two is probably the perspective and position of control the reader and protagonist have. even comparing say lolita to stepsister or stepdaughter porn. the control the protagonist has over the situation, the way it makes us feel... it all contributes to that nuance I was talking about.)

(also I know I just said porn has artistic value no matter how base it is but I fucking hate that stepsibling shit. it's so popular bc its a fantasy to live with someone you like but it gets me so mad.)

[mishkakagehishka]

i know i said hi to you like. two hours ago but that feels like an entire day ago so. hi again. got any mika thoughts? any thoughts on spooky season? i suppose it's not surprising that you don't celebrate halloween, but at the same time it's fascinating to me... are there any other holidays in Croatia that are similar?? (i feel like you've mentioned one but i'm bad at remembering orz)

Awughh hiii! Hm, we can combine, how ab spooky mika thoughts? But ig that can turn to yand pretty quickly.

Hmhmhm how about a lil ramble for the uquiz? I'm still bad at making up questions, but I like my plan so far. Introductiory questions asking ab the player's general habits and personality, and then seguing through that into setting the scene. Gradual passing from the foyer of the manor to the various rooms and hallways where you have to get around various traps and such. I'm still wondering on that... I'd think Mika's traps and Shu... idk what role I want Shu to take on tbh. He's the "puppetmaster" but he should be more active himself since one of the bad endings is being killed by him. I'll have to think on it as I write that. But about Mika! I think he'd work traps. He still can't see in the dark so his tell is recently-put-out candles and such, and he'd set up traps in advance. I guess, then, Shu can be the one directly trying to harm you. I guess I still have time to see. More on Mika (i'm writing this stream of consciousness without much editing since i'm Exhausted so i apologise if it feels all over the place😭). I think he deserves to be Very Creepy with this concept. Entirely silent, but after he places the traps he still stalks the player because he still needs to lay the finishing blow when they do get trapped. For example, while one trap can break their leg and trap them, he'd still need to kill them. So there could be the added unease of feeling someone's eyes on you constantly or even hearing faint footsteps.

As for celebrating! Yeah, Halloween isn't much of a celebration here. We have carnival traditions (or fašnik, or maškare) where people dress up, eat fried dough foods, burn big dolls of Krnjo (the poor guy we blame all our problems on - and then symbolically execute him for those crimes), and so on. It's not exactly creepy (as Meowyoi argued with me), but there are also traditions like the bellmen (zvončari) whose function was to like. Chase out evil spirits by ringing bells and wearing scary masks. It's fun, but bc people dress up and make merry for it, and because All Hallows' Day is still a holiday here, there wasn't really much reason for Halloween to stick, I guess? Like, of course, some people like it more than others, and you can buy SpookyTM stuff in October, but you'll sooner get "trick-or-treaters" (aka "maškare") in February than in October. So we don't get discounted candy either. :(

[dropoutmentality]

writing out my thoughts on an astronomer/mermaid 0222 au (refer to my insane pepe silva sky/sea symbolism bullshit)

this is just stream of consciousness into the keyboard tbh it's just getting too long to fit on my google slide LMFAO

class a (the big 5) r on a marine research vessel looking for the reason why boats keep getting fucked up in this area despite no known dangerous organisms documented there (but th class e mermaids r there just hidden). gakuhou prob knows theres smth fishy (pun not intended) going on & is sending them on a wild goose chase ig. gakuhou is fully intending sinister bullshit but the big 5 dont rly know the whole of whats going on but they are still assholes.

mae is astronomer who got to tag along for plot reasons but hes focusing on the stars in the region where theyre sailing around instead of the water. mae is prob mistreated on the vessel cuz he got on it thru connections or watever & they dont Ljke him so they like fuck with his research n whatnot cuz it disrupts their own. idk. like they prob throw his files into the water and r like oops haha lol accident sorgy. (not accident not sorry).

umm well i cant decide if this instance would be like the big 5 throwing something off or class e trying to fuck up the boat (to keep ppl away from their home obviously cuz they dont wanna be discovered!!!) but mae falls off and iso saves him (typical mermaid au bullshit) but like mae only sees a flash of isos torso before he swims off OBVIOUSLY cus theyre NOT SUPPOSED TO LET PPL KNOW THEYRE THERE LOL but iso prob saved mae cuz he saw that mae wasnt one of the big 5. like he saw mae was getting mistreated n whatnot n couldnt let mae also be a victim.

regardless of whether it's just mae who falls overboard or if all of them fall their boat isnt fully destroyed and is fine to operate so theyre still there but now mae at least knows theres like. a person or something !?! so he starts to get more interested in the water along with the stars which makes the big 5 Suspicious 🤨 but they dont know the whole story either. then for plot related reasons they finally capture someThing (someOne) (it's Iso) in like some net or some shit n since mae is more interested in the sea now he ends up being the one closest to it n he sees iso there n they look at each other and mae is like Holy shit its that beautiful beast who saved me earlier. and he also has a fucking beautiful koi tail what the fuck. and isos like Hey man whats up lol im kind of in a pickle here. n even tho mae is like awestruck by this beautiful person (?) infront of him n he has so many questions he also knows the big 5 r gonna come asap so he makes the split second decision to fuck up the net on purpose so iso can escape n iso stays around in the water long enough to hear that mae takes the heat for it so that further enforces in isos mind that mae can be trusted u know what i mean.

i dont have any specific plot related ideas beyond this YET but i needed to get it all out before i died, badly. thanks.

[mos-twin-mattress]

Death

Something I grew up thinking ab a lot… almost embracing as an old friend… touching a burning flame daily…

Then eventually, as my life improved, I too stopped thinking ab my own demise as much.

Then as my mental and physical health declined, I thought ab it again… wanting it…

Things slowly and SNEAKILY got better for me, I didn’t realize until yesterday when I began sobbing at the idea of death, sobbing ab the people killed globally, sobbing ab the thought of my own death, the death of my partner, those who are dear to me perishing…

Ig I’m just writing this to say, I fell in love with living again… and it happened so suddenly.

But I feel so selfish, I feel terrible that me, in the imperialist core, gets to love being alive, gets to laugh and dance and sing, when so so many are slaughtered daily and nightly…

What makes ME so special or important? Just being born in “the right place”? Now that’s just not fair! My life shouldn’t be more inherently valuable and worthy… but sometimes it seems like that’s just what’s happening.

Because I was born in America my life is INFINITELY easier, yes even tho I’m Black and disabled and fat and a woman… I couldn’t even begin to FATHOM the struggles happening across the world right now…

I feel GUILTY that I get to have this life, a life that some people would love to have despite the warts… I hope I’m not rambling to much, I hope I’m making sense… I’m not sure

All I have to offer is a small voice, a small voice I’m trying to use to amplify the voices that are being suppressed.

How many people would love to have the luxury to fall in love with living, who didn’t see death as a final escaped for the hell of living.

I always thought, growing up, that death was equal, I believe that less and less now… death isn’t as indiscriminate as I thought…

My Country, that I do not support mind you, brings death as excitedly as a child brings a mother flowers, to countries comprised of faces that look like mine… Brown and Black people… they seek to wipe us from the map, seek to exploit us… but I have the privilege to be within the heart chambers of the beast… I get to at least rest without fears of bombs overheard, get to spend time with family without fearing if we will all be exterminated without warning, I get that… and other people… they do not…

Death surely comes for us all, but comes for some faster and harsher than others… I think ab the boy who said “I wish my brother would come back to life.” And I sob, I weep, because children die in war. Children… beautiful sweet wonderful children. Parents die, sisters, aunts, brothers, uncles, grandparents, die. And it doesn’t seem fair or right.

I can go just a room away and hug my fiancée, can tell them how much I love them, can feel their warmth. And people in Gaza, in Congo, Sudan, Armenia… all these places, they aren’t promised that, a matter of fact they are given the opposite…

I hope this ramble made sense, it was all stream of consciousness…

[iamthecomet]

Hiii Com it’s like 2am and I had too much caffeine. I want to finish these fics but for some reason I only have inspiration to write one of my novels?? It’s nice but like. One of these fics has a deadline for an exchange. This is what happens when I can’t get my ADHD meds ig. Also I’m very happy to see Wormy back! I was worried about it and I’m glad it’s okay. Also I need to clean my room but I’m out of trash bags :( Idk stream of consciousness be upon ye -A

I hope you actually got to work on the novel though!? That's awesome. I am SO happy wormy stopped in my asks yesterday. And I love all of the love that it's getting through my ask box. They deserve it. <3 I need to wash my dishes but I'm out of dish soap and the roads are covered in snow and slush. So, I am with you on that one. Thought I had another bottle, I don't, and then I forgot to buy it at the store three separate times because. I like your stream of consciousness. <3

[tigertofu]

6 & 10 for the writers asks! <3

:3 thank u for the ask kind anon !! <333

6) with oneshots i start with making a rlllyyyyy rough description of what i want to happen.,..just like getting all my ideas down in a very stream-of-consciousness sorta way

i do the same thing with each chapter in my longfic. for like,, broader outlining of it tho i have a 21k word google doc i lovingly titled "The Landfill" that is just a dumping ground for plot points/story beats/acts/ideas/EVERYTHING having to do with the structure of the story. all of this shit together is my "outline" ig. then i come up with the finer details when i make chapter outlines. more often than not tho i don't rlly follow the bigger outline cuz my story's plot has taken so many left turns i just keep coming up with shit and being like "oh!!! i actually want this WILDLY different thing to happen next instead" so the big outline is usually worthless lol

10) writing plot: boooooo hissss

writing settings/descriptions: prob my fav part i love it sm <333 i will take any/every opportunity to wax poetic abt scenery and atmosphere LOL

writing inner thoughts: very fun love it love it hell yeah character studying and introspection

writing dialogue: i HAVE to be in the right mood/flow to effectively write dialogue cuz otherwise i psyche myself out by constantly stopping and agonizing over "does this sound natural??? does this make sense??? is this funny??? is this in character???"

[chemicalcarousel]

spontaneous, messy rant about my plurality and some other things idk idr

gonna do a read more bc this is semi long and i dont want to fill up someone's dashboard

bruh i have so much to learn from our headmate lee, he's just a kid vibin by himself with minecraft - living his best life. im so happy he seems to be doing well but ofc maybe im ignorant since my "connection" to him is very limited. sometimes i can sense him (especially looking at minecraft or pictures he feels look like him) and he did front once or twice i think? it was a surprise, none of the other headmates seemed to know he was there. i think we have all been incredibly separated somehow. there are probably more headmates in this system (again, i suspect a teen girl to be a part of our system)

this is all so new and im afraid to speak to other people about it. im afraid to be fakeclaimed by everyone. or people avoiding me& or treating me and my fellow headmates weirdly or even like.... in a horrible way. i want to still be open to the possibility that this isn't plurality and my therapist and i are wrong, but ngl the incredible stigma will make it hard to know if it's plurality, even speaking to psychiatrists and psychologists. i wasn't believed to be bipolar by so many doctors and psychologists. they dont take me seriously since i mask and dissociate from trauma, so i seem "unaffected" when i talk about it (until a trauma holder syskid switches out and they are like *surprised pikachu*)

this ended up as a rant. ig i need to let it out somewhere since i have nobody irl to talk to (im gonna stop therapy since me& didnt feel any improvement happening after 1.5 years. sometimes she left us feeling even worse. she was a free therapist from the psych clinic and we dont have money to get one we pay for that would be a specialist in complex childhood trauma. also waiting times for a specialist might be idk more than 2 years. definitely more i think)

anyway, my shit working memory is acting up after writing a longer post and idk what im talking about anymore lmao this is just a stream of consciousness or whatever the right term would be. a rant lol. gonna stop because im getting a headache and i cant concentrate. yet another problem we are dealing with that they just decided to stop treating since our blood pressure got high af on the adhd meds we got and that one type also didnt seem to help or maybe they did since i wasnt sure if i was just having some good days since sometimes the didnt work or whatever

fuck stopping mid rant no. 2 since i uhhh was supposed to shut up and rest this rotten brain. sleepy brain. needs to shut down for a while

hope yall doing ok or managing at least. sending vibes 💖

~ sof (she/he/they)

[bokoutoe-retired]

— #43 “i love you to the moon and back” & #44 “you’re stealing the blankets”

characters; gojo satoru, gn! reader, ft. itadori yuuji, fushiguro megumi, nobara kugisaki

synopsis; working at jujutsu tech comes with it’s risks, but with your husband at your side you think everything will turn out just fine

total w/c; 1475

warnings; canon-typical violence, blood, major injury, hospitals, iv’s, uhhh, non-canon timeline ig? i haven’t read the manga so i apologize for any inaccuracies about how curses and jujutsu sorcery works

「a/n」 thank you to @construct-witchlyght for requesting!! i’m so sorry it took so long but i actually really had fun writing this and i feel good about it! hope you enjoy it <3

being a counselor at jujutsu tech never really meant just being a counselor. sometimes it means being a teacher and instructing a couple classes, other times it means getting called out for exorcisms. despite your job title, it’s shockingly rare you get the chance to actually, you know, be a counselor.

and this was certainly not one of those times. the grade 2 curse you, itadori, fushiguro, and kugisaki are currently dealing with is not relenting. whatsoever. it’s attacks are quick, fast, and calculated. the four of you have done a good job avoiding them so far, but you're not sure how much longer you can keep it up. both you and itadori are hustling to land your blows, slowly chipping away at the almost overwhelming defenses of the curse. nearby fushiguro’s shikigami are working in rhythm with the flying nails of kugisaki’s hammer to take out the weird army of cursed goonies the grade 2 has. they’re not powerful by any means but their numbers add up. the two first years are doing a good job of dwindling their forces

the fight drags on and on, hit after hit, and dodge after dodge, it’s tiresome but necessary. by some miracle, there’s a glimpse of the end as yuuji lands a hearty punch on one of the chins of the curses many mouths. as it makes contact it’s accompanied by a loud, resounding clap, the cursed energy packed behind the hit leaves the air of the abandoned warehouse buzzing. the powerful attack brings the curse down to its last legs, yet it’s still angry, and determined to take you all out. you glance over to check on the other pair, and see they’re exorcising the final lackey. 

‘good, they’re safe now’ you think, but you’re allowed only a mere moment of relief before your attention is directed back to itadori and the grade 2. itadori is still stumbling from the blowback of his own power as the curse lets out a booming roar and you see it gear up for an attack with the sharp claws on one of its four arms. he’s stumbling right into the claws’ path and doesn’t have nearly enough time to completely dodge. panic boils over  in your chest and you feel your body move before you think about it, out of pure instinct to protect your kids. the long arm of the curse swings down and you rush towards the pink haired first year, shoving him out from underneath the approaching claws. hot, searing pain rips down from your shoulder and through your chest. your vision immediately turns spotty but you can see itadori tumble a few feet away from the force of your push. you must’ve screamed without realizing it because immediately all three students are calling out your name and rushing to finish the curse off.

you register that somewhere near you the curse bursts into smoke and spare puffs of cursed energy. it’s finally exorcised, but you're too focused on the feeling of warm, sticky blood seeping from your wound and the bitter taste of copper in your mouth to take note of who officially finished it off. the energy from the curse tapers off into nothing but residuals and suddenly three sets of footsteps are rushing towards you.

“y/n-san!” itadori is the first to reach you, calling out and falling to his knees at your side. “why would you do that?!” his words are frantic but his actions are gentle as he moves your head to rest on his knees. you can almost see the tears welling in his eyes from, in your opinion, misplaced guilt. he looks around searching for help of the other first years. behind him nobaras foot taps incessantly against the cold stone floor. she’s hurriedly dialing someone on her cellphone, presumably ijichi and fushiguro is tearing off his jacket. he does much better job of hiding his worry, but if your eyes were a little more focused you’d be able to see the slight shake to his movements as he bundles the fabric and presses it to your wound. you little out a little grunt of pain, the coarse texture agitates it but does a good enough staunching the steady trickle of blood. despite their lack of experience, it’s not hard for them to recognize this is bad. nobara finishes her call, before pocketing her phone and joining the boys on the ground next to you. she takes the edge of her sleeve, wiping off the small bit of blood dribbling from you mouth. you weakly attempt to swat her hand off, the last thing you wanted was to worry your kids or have them fuss over you.

“‘toru would kick my ass if i had let one of you kids get hurt” your words are slightly slurred but you speak with a little chuckle, referring to your husband while trying to make light of the situation. you even reach up to pat yuujis cheek reassuringly a couple times.

“well now gojo-sensei is gonna kick my ass for letting you get hurt!” he looks like he’s about to continue but the sound of screeching car tires interrupt him.

“ijichis here, lets get her up. y/n-” you can hear megumi talking, but your consciousness is slipping and you can’t decipher exactly what he said. you feel three pairs of hands start to lift you off the ground, the blood making it a little more difficult. as you look up the dots clouding your vision get bigger and bigger, the last thing you see is the crease of nobaras brows as she yells out to someone.

when you wake up, you feel your situation before you see it. the first, and maybe most important thing you feel, is the presence of your husband cuddled into your side. you feel his hair tickling your neck, his body pressed against your uninjured side and his fingers intertwined with yours. just knowing he’s there is enough to instantly put you at ease. your eyes finish adjusting to the bright morning light streaming in from the window and satoru shifts in his sleep, unawarely tugging the thin hospital blanket from your body. 

“you’re stealing the blankets,” you whisper to him as you squeeze his hand in yours, but your voice comes out a little more strained than you had expected. even with his blindfold on, you can tell he’s woken up as he lets out a little hum and adjusts himself on the small hospital bed. with the both of you it’s a tight fit, but you make it work. he’s careful not to jostle you as he sits up and gently brings you to lay on his side instead of him on yours. he’s mindful of your ivs and monitors, all while keeping your hand in his and making sure to drape the blanket back over you.

“rough night?” he asks, the hand of the arm wrapped around you comes to lightly brush over the bandages wrapped snug around your torso. the pain isn’t nearly as bad as it was before you blacked out. whatever meds they’d given you had turned the sharp stinging into a dull ache. but if you were being honest your whole body ached. a long, strenuous battle on top of a deep wound would do that to a person.

“rough night.” you confirm with a little chuckle, relaxing even further into his hold. the room is silent for a moment as he catches your eyes searching the empty room for something that’s not there. he presses a kiss to your temple, bringing your attention back to him.

“they went back to the school,” he states, already knowing that you were looking for the trio of first years, “and before you ask, they’re fine. all three made it out with nothing more than a couple scratches.”

“good, thats good,” you respond while smiling up at him. if those three were okay, any pain, wound, or hospital visit would be utterly worth it.

“i’m lucky i get to say the same for you, my love. itadori told me what you did” he lifts up his blindfold and gives you a look that resembles that of one he would give a student while scolding them. but behind it, you can see the deep amount of worry held in his bright eyes.

“i did what i had to, they're just kids” you shrug as best as yougiven your condition.

“i know, i know. very admirable of you,” he jokes a little before his tone turns serious “but please, don’t scare me like that ever again. you mean the world to me and i don’t know what i’d do without you. i love you to the moon and back, my dear y/n”

“i love you too satoru, to the moon and back”

[p-redux]

Gloating about being an insider during a time of sadness is DISGUSTING

I'm not gloating, I'm posting INFO and FACTS like I always do...and showing restraint and discretion in not posting it sooner, and not posting the details, which I haven’t and won’t.

But you know what IS disgusting? Here’s a LONG list, and by no means, a comprehensive one, of what Extreme Shippers, Former Extreme Shippers, and Assorted Haters have done that is VERY DISGUSTING. I’ll write it stream of consciousness-like and not in order. Put your feet up and grab a tall drink. Here we go...

Click on Keep Reading

Extreme Shippers found Cait’s condo when she used to live in Los Angeles and sat outside for hours waiting to see if they saw her with Sam. ES blackmailed and coerced a minor, a 14 year old girl who was a super fan of Abbie’s sister, Charlotte Salt, into giving them info regarding Abbie and Sam. The girl was following Abbie’s locked Instagram account and could see the Sam related stuff Abbie was posting. ES won her trust, she gave them info about Abbie and Sam, they then told her if she didn’t screencap and give them the Sam related pics on Abbie’s IG account, they would tell Abbie and Charlotte that she had been giving them info. Sick doesn’t begin to describe it. ES tried to dox and did dox anyone and everyone who got in the way of their SamCait ship. Doxed, as in PUBLICLY posted, the names, addresses, pictures of their houses, professions, husbands’ and children’s names, employer names of ANYONE and EVERYONE who posted something to contradict the ship. They even posted pictures of their children. Again, messing with minors is a big no no, and usually a crime. ES created fake Ashley Madison accounts (that’s the website for married people who want to meet people to cheat on their spouses with) and pretended to be non-shippers’ husbands to try to make it seem like the husband was cheating. It got so bad, that in some cases, non-shippers had to get restraining orders, cease and desist orders, get the police, lawyers, and in TWO cases, the F B I involved. Yes, the F B I has come a knocking on a couple of Extreme Shipper’s doors because of their ILLEGAL actions. ES lured some of Sam’s girlfriends into believing they had their best interest at heart, gained their trust, and they PUBLICLY posted their PRIVATE messages. Luckily, in the case of one Sam’s ex, Abbie Salt, she later did confirm she and Sam dated, which totally negated everything that shipper had said Abbie told her.  ES directly BULLIED and HARASSED fans, Outlander cast, crew, journalists, reporters, family and friends of Sam and Cait. ES contacted people’s employers to try to get them fired...literally messed with people’s livelihoods. They tried to get the Outlander drivers fired because they started posting stuff against shippers AFTER shippers turned on them. ES waited outside Sam and Cait’s residences in whatever location they were in to try to “catch them together.” Taking pics at someone’s private residence is very different than getting pics or video in PUBLIC places. For years, ES have manipulated pictures, gifs, video to sell the SamCait LIE to their gullible shipper friends. They’ve made money off selling these lies. ES have ostracized and banished any shipper friends who acknowledged the ship wasn’t real. They sent their best friend to Tony’s bar in London to try to prove he and Cait weren’t together, and when she unwittingly found out they were, they then bullied her and kicked her out of shipperville. ES created multiple hate sock accounts for the SOLE purpose of CYBERBULLYING Sam’s girlfriends and dates. Any time Sam dates a woman, ES follow the same pattern. They contact the women’s employers, parents, siblings, other family members, friends, ex-boyfriends trying to malign the women. Some examples: They pretended to have gone to high school with Mackenzie Mauzy and spread lies that she had a bad reputation in high school. They spread lies that Gia was a paid escort. ES contacted social media outlets to spread LIES about Sam and Cait and their significant others. Contacted anyone associated with Cait and Tony’s wedding trying to intimidate them into saying there was no wedding. They posted the picture of a waiter at one of the Outlander premieres and tried to pass him off as Tony to prove Tony didn’t go with Cait. ES have continuously posted pics of Cait with her naturally poochy belly trying to prove that she’s been pregnant with Sam’s children for the last 7 years. ES publicly questioned her if she was pregnant. Sam haters and disgruntled ex-shippers have spread rumors that Sam is gay. Nothing wrong with being gay, but what is wrong is spreading LIES. ES have badmouthed Cait’s HUSBAND, Tony McGill saying he was: her assistant, gay, her gay assistant, a loser, broke, boring, ugly, her purse holder, etc. And trust me, what I’ve posted above is the SHORT list.

And that’s not even mentioning what they’ve done to ME. Ever since I committed the unforgivable sin of posting source info CONFIRMING Sam and Cait were never a couple, and Cait was dating Tony, way back in 2014, this is what SamCait Extreme Shippers have done to me. Tagged me endlessly when I had my Twitter account telling me things like “Die, b*tch,” “Die, c*nt,” “You should be gang rap*d,” “Drop a house on her,” “You’re worse than AIDS,” and those are the “nice” comments. They literally BULLIED me every day, all day for YEARS. They also created hate accounts on Twitter and Instagram to mock me, parody me, and post lies about me. They were convinced they’d found my real identity (based on circumstantial evidence, which I’ve countered and can counter with the actual truth), and proceeded to post THAT woman’s FULL NAME, city where she lived, profession, reported her to her licensing board, and created a fake Twitter account pretending to be her. She got a lawyer and was able to get everything taken down, but they basically tried to ruin her life. They’ve spread LIES about me being the one harassing THEM and managed to convince over 60 dopes with disposable incomes to give them money for a GoFundMe campaign where they hired a Private Investigator to try to find me. They started a witchhunt letter writing campaign, hashtagged it on Twitter, #takebackourfandom, or some such bullsh*t, tagged everyone in Outlander cast and crew “telling” on me and even sent letters and e-mails to Starz and Sony executives trying to...I don’t know what. Hahahaha. It’s so ridiculous, my brain is scrambling as I write this. They told their followers not to believe anything I say and that I’m evil personified. ALL of that and more because they couldn’t face the FACT that their SamCait ship NEVER EXISTED and I was the one that confirmed it. When I think about it, I can’t believe I lived through all that. But I stayed because I knew I had the TRUTH on my side and that eventually it would all come out, which of course it did. And because I’m a bad bitch who doesn’t scare easily.  EVERYTHING I’m referring to here is well DOCUMENTED with screencap proof. Or just ask anyone who’s been in the fandom long enough, they’ll attest that what I’m saying did actually happen, and that Extreme Shippers, Former Shippers, and Haters did do all of that.

So, Anon, when you come at me with “disgusting” things in this fandom, please refer to the above before you start pointing fingers at me. 

PS. “Anon,” I’ve got your Los Angeles/Anaheim Samsung Galaxy S10e IP address tagged. So, send me another hate Ask and you’ll get blocked. And don’t bother using a VPN...once the tag is on, it follows the user no matter what IP they use. Now you know. 

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

can i say a sort of pointless rambly thing i was thinking about that i can't put under the cut bc i'm on mobile?

jk, i'm not actually asking. ramble below, not edited for clarity. the following is completely unclear and i will not fix it:

i've been thinking about how part of the reason i'm so chill about caryl is bc growing up as a queer woc 99% of my main ships were like, never gonna fucking happen bc they literally couldn't. it was like, "omg, they gazed at each other from across the room, let's analyze the homosexual subtext of this one scene for the next fifty years, that's not necessarily hyperbole." i've watched all my ships fuck other ppl/have other love interests, and i knew that my thing was never gonna be canon, so to see like, one thing being like, "one half of my ship fucked another person several years ago while pining for the other half of my ship," i'm like...#nice, bc that can and likely will be used as a plot point to get them together later on, whereas in other situations i've been in i just kinda had to deal with it. so my impulse when i see ppl losing their shit is to be like

and to be slightly annoyed, tbh, bc the ship is still on track to be canon, and it's like, literally two white heterosexuals, they're prime candidates for juicy angsty pining that actually gets a resolution.

but!

that being said, i recognize that that attitude isn't necessarily fair. for one thing, i'm not the only queer woc (or some variation thereof) in this fandom, and some ppl's impulse might be exasperation instead, bc like, "wtf, even my mayohet ship has dumb fucking drama," and that's valid as hell, and i get it.

and also, i get that, even if you didn't grow up shipping impossible ships (or mulder/scully, bc that's a brand of bullshit all its own), this has been a suuuuper drawn out process where sometimes it feels like they're legit sprinkling crumbs to keep you hooked, just to play you again, and when you are invested in something, like /rly/ invested, especially if it's a form of escapism or hyperfixation or whatever, that can be e x h a u s t i n g. and i get that. i truly do, and while i make a lot of snide comments about the fandom being bonkers, i do get where the bulk of you are coming from (unless you're one of those ppl who hate on actors and esp actresses for just doing their jobs, and attack them on social media, in which case i am very much judging you and you need to get your life together).

i also realize that in the scheme of things i'm still a newbie. i've been here, what, twoish/threeish years, whereas some of you have been here since the beginning, so i'm not as worn out as y'all. but i also think that gives me a bit of objectivity that some of y'all have (understandably) lost.

my positivity is not meant as a sleight against those of you who are feeling negative, but is more of a semi-objective viewpoint (i say semi, bc lbr, i'm invested af in this, so i definitely have bias), and to me the threads of the storyline they're crafting seem sort of obvious.

like, let's look at it, yeah? they have one season left of this show that has been on for over a decade. they need to cater to everyone to give them a satisfying ending, while still hanging on to carylers bc of the spin-off. darylrreah seems like a very calculated move, bc it gives them both something to make abcers happy, while also creating tension and suspense and pining for carylers (i think they might underestimate just how fed up some carylers are tbh, and are banking on us to hang on for one last ride, which, honestly? if they play it right will probably work.)

if they end up doing a dumb love triangle thing, which, without seeing the episode and gauging the subtext i can't confidently say if i think they will or won't, it will ultimately end in our favor. it has to, bc leah isn't going to third wheel them on the bike in the spin-off. we can say with good authority that whatever that relationship ends up being (again, idk if they'll drag it out or not) it will be temporary. which leaves caryl open to ride off into the sunset and then bone down in every state in the united states and in puerto rico for good measure.

it's a lot of cheap drama, but i really and truly do not think it's anything to worry about, and i still really and truly trust kang to not make it out of character. ik ppl still don't agree with me on that point, and i'm not gonna argue, but to me it really does make perfect sense.

and i also predict that they are gonna play it up hardcore in the promotional shit and talking dead, but when that happens, remember it's bc it gets attention. regardless of where the story is ultimately going, relationship drama gets attention, which gets viewers, which gets amc and twd producers nice and comfy with full pockets

idk. to sum up ig i just wanted to clarify that i don't mean any harm with my relentless positivity. my history in fandom has just made this seem like nothing in comparison, bc while ppl are freaking out, i'm like, "oh damn, they're actually gonna get together by the end of this, aren't they? i didn't know that could happen!" and that makes me excited instead of upset

and you definitely don't have to listen to me. maybe i'm actually wrong. maybe i'm completely full of bullshit and am just good at making things sound confident. i got a lot of As on papers in college over books i never read, i know how to bs. but i also know how to analyze, and i while i will be the first to tell you i am not the best at a great many things, i do know that i am good at critically analyzing text while taking into account the context it was written in, and imho all signs point to canon caryl. when, i'm not entirely sure, but i see it happening. if it doesn't then they severely fucked up their storytelling, and that'd just be bad writing on their part.

(if you want proof that i'm good at reading writers'/producers' intentions, consider that i watched like, 8 seasons of supernatural before giving up, and said to myself, "i think they're gonna make destiel canon, but not until the very last second bc they are rly into catering to their fans but also have to consider their dumb fanboy audience so they can't do anything crazy overtly gay," and guess who hit the nail on the fucking head on that one)

none of this is important, but it was rattling around my mind grapes and i wanted to write it down into something vaguely coherent, and where else better to do it than here. i can word vomit and then send it into the ether and pretend i never said a thing. i love this horrible website, nothing can compare

i have no real conclusion to this, it was mostly stream of consciousness, but i hope it sort of helps y'all understand where i'm coming from, and why i am as chill as i am about things. not about y'all. y'all cause me so much anxiety i get physically sick and have to legit block tags, but with the actual show content i'm zen as hell

uh

the end ig?

it feels weird even signing off on this, but w/e

-diz