#thats an inside joke btw

[szatan-to-gej]

well hello

took me some time to post again but eh it could be worse, tho i feel like the universe is telling me not to because right as i went into the app a second later it CRASHED. anywayyys

WHUAPOW

do NOT talk about the two last ones. my friend sent me this and kept PESTERING ME (thats not one of my friends btw idk where he got it)

anyway

i made actual ocs??? holy shit??? and ofc ones emo

i am not actually sure if i like the doodles so dont mind it (please)

also azbest

[blockmenmakemecry]

Always check under your bed and in your closets

Grian may be closer then you think

[team-council-two]

hi hello :D hope y’all are having a wonderful day-

thank you so much for making this blog because holy shit it’s gonna be so helpful <3

how do you say “Jesus Christ” in French ? context being it’s an exasperated exclamation

1. Many thanks - Aschen

Always happy to help! Now shower us with prompts and questions :) - Ray

Aw hey, thanks a ton - Cosmas

alpha here !! have a nice day too ! Personally, I'm glad you think this'll be useful. I just hope you and other people alike will be ready for how fuckin utterly disgustingly verbose I am, as expected of the person of this blog assuming authority on questions regarding spy (and perhaps what little scout could hope to have of french), and I am wishing you to manage to extract some glimpses of useful informations from my endless blabber still. (i also would like to apologise for my... sporadic use of ' and caps. i unfortunately have spent a good part of my life imitating dave strider's typing style, for i am the mandatory homestuck fan per project.)

onto the point !

well, what a simple yet interesting question, which yet easily unfolds into quite the lot of considerations to ponder !

so see, i am already forced to explain a little french thing known as our special relationship with religion, or as i fondly call it, our hellbentness on loudly frothing at the mouth whenever the church and catholicism is mentionned and our tendency to enjoy concepts such as the guillautine and the séparation de l'état et de l'église (chuch state separation for you English speaking friends)

This love for our république and révolution influenced us culturally a lot. In short; we do not refer to god for much or anything, including for the use religion based cusses, simply because we were hellbent on removing the catholic church from as much of our life as possible. It wasnt just royalty ! (we had a toast in the honor of the english queens death btw). But, because there always is a but, these cusses and the like still exist in french, and Spy is still someone who lives around americans a lot. so im assuming hed do the same as me, aka pick up a lot of language habits that youd usually not develop as much. this DOES include using religious based speech despite it all. A common consequence is, even if you don't say oh mon dieu/mon dieu a lot usually, well… Live long enough in America, and you will. But, because of course, there's always a but ! we do this because they have strikingly similar connotations ! Both can be used for surprise, fear and exhaustion alike. So. Let me actually answer this.

First, Jésus Christ is how you say it in french but it's pronounced completely different, like jeh-zus creest. Second, that said its not one i'd quite use interchangeably, at least for this case. You see, not only it sounds awkward as fuck in French and would be a real tongue twister to say in the middle of an English sentence (Ray's post on switching from Russian to English being hard also applies to French), it also would be that French uses this one a bit more restrictively : it's a thing you say more for surprising situations rather than quite exhaustion. We can but it's not our first choice. (also, on a side note, doux Jésus, lit. sweet jesus, is precisely for pleasant surprises too, as well as fear bound surprise. On a similar vein, the exclamation "Jesus !" will more often than not be better translated by "Christ !", but it really is. um. a nun/old time thing. It really is not common.)

Ironically mon dieu/bon dieu would likely be more fitting, bon sang (bloody hell ? Except that it's just. literally good blood.) but only if you follow it with a full mocking sentence like "bon sang, you are so fucking stupid it baffles me !…" or something like "bon sang, mais c'est quoi ce bordel ?" for full on, jesus christ what is this shit ? yknow. you even can use bon sang de bon soir. This whole thing reads as much more firm and almost angry compared to what you want, likely, tho. The absolute fucking peak of tired exhaustion, which is what I assume you're going for ? a standalone "mon Dieu mon Dieu mon Dieu mon Dieu…" Complete with head shaking and rubbing your temples. Bonus for being a classic movie reference (le grand restaurant, any Louis de Funès fan here ? he might pop up a lot in what i refer to). "Doux Jésus de doux Jésus de doux Jésus…" also works the same, minus the cool reference. A good ole "oh putain" for when you realize sth is going fucky is good too, the classic "merde/et merde" also is commonly adviseable.

There are many options because despite Ray's insistance that French cussing is weak compared to Russian one, we do have an entire art of cussing a lot, cussing in specific ways and cussing in stupid and artful ways. please do not hesitate to provide more context and/or the paragraph in which this pops up. but overall ? since your audience will be in its majority either american, or french people used enough to american english, i wouldnt worry too much about jésus christ not being understood or noticed as an "error" despite its use being a tiny tiny bit different. This is overall nitpick. but hey ! Guess that's what we are here for.

[ccryptopic]

One thing that sucks about the barbie movie

[geraiodli]

Please don't question me

[serethereal]

happy birthday you horrifyingly disturbed individual ❤️ i love you so so so much and i'm singing happy birthday (in spanish) in ur ear rn very softly i hope you hear me and feel heavily unsettled by my incorporeal presence

i'm so fucking happy to have met such a bright, wonderful and utterly hateful soul in the barren land that is this hellsite. sending you all the hugs and kisses in the world ❤️

YAZZZZ <333 my literal. hamster. you are always in my floorboards in my ear perched on my shoulder the creature in my mirror that disappears when i turn around too fast i am forever obsessed w your freakish brilliant mind and the strong bond we have formed purely over being absolutely correct ab everything ever. we are both always spiraling in some way or another but we are going through it. together.

[badcountryofficial]

Updated kinlist!☺️☺️

Pactrick Bateman

Grell Sutcliff

Bad Country

Gaston Ladybird

Will Graham

[coconutkay]

yes my love language is sharing videos shut up

[snekdood]

i just feel like if you cant debate someone w/o insulting them then you're kinda just using it as an outlet for all of your asshole-ness

[chadt4tenjoyer]

guys pls stop reblogging my commission art post because i have to look at it and remember i forgot a very important design detail every time

[bluetintcore]

nsfw alphabet ᥫ᭡ patrick bateman.

synopsis ˒ in which i walk you through the ropes of sex with our favorite psychopath!

pairings ˒ patrick bateman x fem!reader.

warnings ˒ SMUT; pure filth; mentions of murder; mentions of knife and blood play; mentions of bondage; mentions of cheating; mentions of an axe; i think that may be it!

word count ˒ 1,4k

note from me ˒ thats my leg btw ;) creds to gif owner!

a = aftercare (what he’s like after sex)

first of all, he’s smart and he knows what women want. he knows that they want to be loved and treated after sex, so he’d do just that to keep you whipped. he’d run you a nice bath and he’d even join you if you wanted. he’d wash your hair and body and he’d press loving kisses to your neck while doing so. he’d even carry you back to bed.

b = body part (his favorite body part of his and yours)

patrick is a little overly cocky, he knows he’s attractive. so if we’re being honest he really doesn’t feel he has any flaws, but if he had to choose his favorite body part would probably be his arms. he loves how defined his muscles look, he often finds himself flexing into any mirror he comes in contact with. he’s obsessed with himself.

on you, it’d have to be your thighs. he’s a big thigh guys. he loves how smooth they are and how your muscles flex when you walk; never fails to make him yearn for you. while fucking you, his go to to grab would be your thighs so support him. your thighs are his main hype man ngl.

c = cum (anything to do with cum)

he really likes to cum inside you. he just thinks it’s so warm and comforting. but he’ll honestly cum anywhere you want him to. your face, your belly, thighs, etc. but his all time favorite is inside.

d = dirty secret (a dirty secret of his)

he has 1000% fantasized about murdering you mid sex. like he’d be fucking you and then out of nowhere he’d pull out an axe and go all psycho on you. of course, that’s a secret for a reason. you’d never know that.

e = experienced (how experienced is he? does he know what he’s doing?)

oh abso-fucking-lutely. this man is a total fucking womanizer. he knows exactly how to charm and hit all the right spots because he’s hit them many times before on other women.

f = favorite position (goes without saying)

surprisingly, he really enjoys missionary. he likes to look into your eyes so he knows he’s making you feel good; it’s something of a confidence booster for him. but he also really likes giving you back shots. however, he’d be open to trying any position.

g = goofy (is he more serious in the moment? humorous? etc.)

he’s serious. you would never catch this man cracking a joke during intimate times. in fact, if you even cracked a joke he’d probably look at you like you just said the most terrible thing. he doesn’t think sex should equal humor, and he prefers to be serious. and he would like it if you were serious too.

h = hair (how well groomed is he? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

i think even before he met you he’d be big on being completely shaved down there. having a ton of hair makes him feel dirty (not that it is). so 99.9% of the time he would keep himself completely smooth.

i = intimacy (how is he during the moment? is he romantic?)

he can be, if he really loved you. most of the time he prefers to keep his mouth shut BUT if you’re lucky he may call you beautiful and tell you how amazing you feel. but that’s on a good day.

j = jerk off (masturbation headcanon)

you know, i don’t see him being the biggest masturbator. if he was horny, he’d come to you. if you didn’t want sex, he’d find someone who did; it’s as simple as that. but don’t be sad, at least you were his first option!

k = kink (one or more of his kinks)

obviously bondage. he’d love having you tied up and helpless as he had his way with you. he’s also into knife play and blood, ironically. as said before, if you weren’t comfortable with this he wouldn’t force you; because he’d find someone else who would.

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

he’d be okay with anywhere in his apartment. his bed, his couch, as long as he’s comfortable he doesn’t really care. to be completely honest, i don’t even think he’d have sex anywhere other than his apartment. anytime the two of you go out it’s always “let’s go back to MY apartment”. guess he just feels more comfortable there.

m = motivation (what turns him on?)

you getting hit on by other men. obviously you can’t help that and he knows it, but it’s the feeling of one upping those men that want you. after all, he’s the one fucking you every night; not them. so anytime you two are out and about if you get hit on he immediately wants sex.

n = no (something he wouldn’t do)

be submissive. during sex he is ALWAYS the dominant one. i feel like being submissive would absolutely obliterate his ego and that would seriously fuck with his head. so, if you’re a switch sorry about your luck because you’re a soon to be permanent sub.

o = oral (preference on giving or receiving, skill, etc)

he prefers receiving but he would never dismiss going down on you. he’s amazing at it, too. however when going down on you he’d never let you finish, he’d have you so close but right before you cum he’d stop and say, “i still have to fuck you.”

p = pace (is he fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

never in a million years would patrick bateman have slow and sensual sex. he doesn’t like sex if it isn’t his way and that’s rough and fast. MAYBE on your anniversary he’d be soft and sweet but probably not even then.

your relationship with patrick revolves around him let’s be real.

q = quickie (his opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

they’re not his favorite. but since he doesn’t go outside of his apartment for sex, he’d never really have to worry about them.

r = risk (is he okay with experimenting? does he take risks?)

as long as it doesn’t completely beat up his ego, he’ll do it for you. it’s the least he can do. surprisingly, as much as he may fantasize about hurting you, he never actually would. he might try spanking, but that’s as far as he’d take it.

s = stamina (how many rounds can he go for? how long does he last?)

he can go about 5-6 rounds throughout the night, 3-5 on a bad day. he usually lasts about 25-30 minutes.

t = toys (does he own toys? how much does he use them? on you or him?)

i don’t really think he’d be a big toy guy, honestly. he’s all about you and him intimacy, not a toy. probably laugh in your face if you brought it up to him. he may use a vibrator on you, but that’d be it.

u = unfair (how much does he like to tease?)

he does tease you, but not for a very long time. he’ll tease you for the first few minutes of being intimate and then he’ll stop and just fuck you. mostly because i think he gets extremely needy too.

v = volume (how loud is he? what kind of noises does he make, etc.)

not a moaner at all. he’s too focused on what he’s doing to put effort into making noises. when he’d cum he’d let out a groan, but other than that he’s mostly silent other then loud pants.

w = wild card (random headcanon)

while he may not be the most vocal person during sex, he loves hearing you talk dirty to him. like tell him how good he feels and how nobody else could ever fuck you this good and he’d be absolutely over the moon. it always got him in a good mood and going.

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

he’s BIG. he’s about 6 inches while he’s soft but 8 when he’s fully hard. it’s pretty thick too, and a long vein runs under the bottom and comes up just on the top of his shaft running over his tip. it’s pretty perfect ngl

y = yearning (how high is his sex drive?)

excruciatingly high. you’re always in constant pain because this man never gives you a break (with your consent ofc). he has to have sex with you at least once a day or he has a hard time functioning. so dramatic patty

z = zzz (how quickly does he fall asleep afterwards?)

he always waits until you fall asleep until he decides to go to bed. it’s kinda creepy, but you never asked about it. so after you go to bed, he’d follow right after you.

[strangesickness]

richie getting diagnosed with ADHD (or hyperkinetic disorder or ADD or whatever you get the point) as a child but since doctors are... doctors... no one really ever explains it to him and he spends his entire childhood thinking he has the "loud annoying disorder" instead of actually understanding what ADHD is and why it makes him feel/act the way he does...

richie thinking ADHD is something you grow out of and as a result of that + losing his memories of having friends he was comfortable unmasking around, beginning to mask heavily as an adult to fit in with his peers... only showing his ADHD traits in small, palatable pieces for the sake of a self deprecating joke....

richie always feeling like theres something crawling under his skin and letting out the energy in harmful ways because the alternative is any number of heavily stigmatized behaviours he's only seen in gags on TV and he's already dragging under the weight of what people will think of him if they find out he's gay, he doesn't need anything else for them to pick at

richie forcing eye contact until he feels like his insides are going to become his outsides, richie in the beginning going out to open mics every night to try to make it even though he feels like he's going to melt out of his skin if he has to mask for another minute. richie's throat blocking up when he's anxious and him losing the ability to say anything other than canned jokes he's been doing since he was 13.

richie getting mike's call and experiencing a sudden and intense skill regression as a result of his returning memories, suddenly finding himself completely unable to deal with things he "dealt with" (not really) before, richie finding he can't bring himself to look his friends in the eye even though he's been forcing eye contact for years, richie bouncing his knee so hard he shakes the table, richie finding himself unable to get out of bed after the jade because he's so drained socially (+ the other stuff lol), richie stimming vocally while they're looking for the clubhouse and freaking out over it and looking at all his friends for their reaction.

he doesn't know why he's acting this way, why he suddenly can't just suck it up and deal with it like he's been doing for nearly 3 decades, and he's already freaked out enough as is with the clown, and he wants the losers to like him as an adult so bad, why is he being weird, and he's so overwhelmed by everything and he has absolutely no means of dealing with it because he's been pushing everything down for his entire life and can't even name what he's feeling.

post it 2 richie going to therapy to try and deal with the clown trauma and coming out of it with a new understanding of what ADHD is... post it 2 richie learning to be easy on himself when he's overwhelmed. richie unlearning all of the stigma thats followed him his entire life and learning to be okay with himself...

oh btw eddie is also in therapy and his therapist suggests he get screened for ADHD. to no ones surprise he does in fact have ADHD. despite richie having been diagnosed with ADHD decades ago it is very much a simultaneous learning process for them. they're like reading articles about ADHD on the computer together like "hrmmm... OH that makes so much sense" they find out about common experiences for people with ADHD and text the other like "lol this you?"

[allmyloveandyours]

Bullying, Harassment, and Misunderstanding on Astro Tumblr: Zeldas Notes Edition pt 1. The Catalyst

Hi! Normally I don't like to get myself involved in online drama since, well it's the internet and drama isn't fun. I shouldn't need to explain myself any further.

Recently a well known account @zeldasnotes, has been involved in a bit of drama and has started slut shaming and attacking the character of someone I've recently become friend with for a misunderstanding. This isn't meant to bully her or attack her in any way, however we have recently found out she continues to talk about me, @evangelinesbible, and @d4rkpluto, for the last two weeks. Obviously we have talked about it as well, I'll never deny that, however it's not bullying. She may call this bullying, though.

Obviously that isn't a lot of time but I'd like to get this over with as soon as possible. I believe the only reason she had yet to harass me is because she 1. Doesn't know my Tumblr username and 2. Doesn't have a physical appearance to attack like she does Evangeline.

Before we get started I'd like to give some context to where this conversation happened.

@d4rkpluto made a discord (that is still open btw it's very fun there) that was meant to host a cool yearbook like event for some people in astro tumblr, the cap was put at roughly 20 people. We all tried our best to get to know each other despite some social mismatching such as language barriers (there will be more on that later). Most of us liked to talk about real life problems along with astrology as we were all friends, but Zelda's had become worrying very fast as she would only most post crime (no hate to true crime, but I don't like waking up to messages about a murdered person and how their chart "predicted it", but that's for another part) and her almost insane personal/love life. Eventually, someone decided to ask her about it out of concern. For the record I did not, as I don't know her personally and I seemed like she was someone content with being in bad situations as she never gave a timestamp of the things she talked about.

This is the conversation that occurred when she was questioned about it.

After that we noticed she left the discord roughly a day later (she probably left right after though), and she blocked/unfollowed everyone but me (lmao), and for that week it became a brief inside joke that if you were acting like Zelda, you we're simply being defensive for no reason.

Now that this part is over,

Pt 2. The DMs

Now this is where we get to the part where I drew the line, where I decided to get on my clicky keyboard and say some shit.

To reiterate, this hasn't been going on for that long. Obviously she was still fresh in our minds and we did bring her up. There was no bullying or lying. Simply a couple of jokes about her being defensive. I will admit, I tried my best to not joke as Zelda is clearly a volatile person and if the small jokes got to her, I figured she'd make a fuss. She did.

On July 26th (fun fact, you can look things up on discord chats) at roughly 10pm she had messaged Evangeline.

Obviously this doesn't make us look THE BEST (I'm aware), however gossip is a normal and human thing as long as not done in excess (imo, this was the biggest conversation we'd had about her since she'd left).

Now this is where I officially come in. I'm #1 Timeout Champion (thats the TC in my name).

I was the one who took the screenshots of the discord channel invite post, as I had found it weird she'd made a discord around July 19th soon after leaving ours. Not that it was my business, but it just made me laugh, and I was feeling weird about it. That is the reason likes were talked about.

I will say this did get made fun of because of what was talked about in the screenshot above, as that was after (check the dates).

Shortly after Eva had received that DM, I'd gotten on call with Eva to make sure she was alright, and she had messaged the discord about the message.

This is where we all started accusing each other of screenshotting the chat. I do understand if you have friends outside of a discord, and I do understand defending yourself, I'm not policing who can and can't be friends. If someone was gossiping about my friend, I'd do the same shit.

But it got worse.

I apologize beforehand for the cropping as these are from Eva (obviously).

Keep in mind every DM screenshot I share is sent between 9/10pm-4am for Eva and I while we were on call.

Keep in mind the photo's of Eva's she's referring to are public and things she wore in public and to a concert, a BEYONCE CONCERT, and then posted images of, ON A PUBLIC SITE, SEVERAL might I add.

She did not call Zelda pathetic, but her actions. I believe there is a difference.

I do feel the need to state here that I feel partially responsible for the harassment here, as I try my best to support Eva in any way that I can to achieve her goals, and I did push her to post about herself more as I like her style and think she's pretty. I did not think that it would be brought up in this style.

Because it shouldn't have been. This should've been a civil (albeit catty) conversation of "talking talk about me, please and thank you". I've had these conversations at a younger age and they've gone very well.

But it kept going as Eva defended herself.

I could be wrong about the screenshot thing, however I did find weird posts asking about where the discord had gone, and Zelda said she didn't have one even thought it was roughly and hour after she'd made the post, along with DMs from someone later about the discord.

The last bit is talking about this:

Yeah so they were talking about people they found attractive (Zelda is clearly in the conversation) and Eva was referencing fictional characters. Imma be fr I feel like you can tell she was joking the entire convo was just about their crushes real and fictional, Zelda then talked about someone who was murdered somehow worked that into the convo.

Just thought I'd include that if we're talking about crushes why the fuck is this shit being brought up but that's clearly more personal opinion.

So that's the entire conversation with Eva. It seemed to just be her trying to get Eva on a nonexistent "gotcha moment" and berating hr for her appearance and making an out of context screenshot more out of context.

Meanwhile in the discord, we'd been trying to figure out who had sent the screenshot, as we should it went from them talking behind the scenes (perfectly fine), getting upset (again fine), and then harassing (not fine) Eva, keeping in mind, Zelda is most likely older than Eva.

Eva being 19, an Zelda being between 22-26 based on her history.

Pt. 3: We figure out who it was this gets no cool title

We thought it was roughly 3 people, two who don't need to be involved and but the last will definitely be mentioned: @a-d-noxd-nox.

The first two people were just people in both Discords, one of us just confirming our convo from earlier when I said it was probably darker topics (which isn't relevant to me). From my perspective, I was fine with Adnox. I hadn't talked to her as much but she seemed okay. I'd wanted to get to know her more and at some point we'd spoken about watching Twilight but that fell through.

So we kicked out Ad-nox, and figured out it was her through process of elimination. I'll slowly start wrapping it up as around the time we kick Adnox out, Zelda had stopped. We still don't know why Adnox decided to shit on Eva specifically. I would love to know personally, but Eva herself doesn't care.

After that, we decided to let people in as seen in an earlier screenshot. We'd simply wanted more friends and it felt weird having an astrology tumblr, but not having a lot of people being in there.

So obliviously we asked if they mentioned us (we wanted to know), they had fairly recently, and we got this exchange with Zelda and some members of her discord:

I've cropped them a bit and censored people I don't believe to be relevant but I hate to be the bearer of bad news: No one is bullying you.

No one is mad you started a discord. It was simply funny for reasons stated above.

No one from this situation has sent hate to your inbox. No one cares enough.

No one asked you to post about true crime. I may have interacted with some on a irregular basis because I like to be friendly.\

We have made jokes. Because you lying is funny and Pluto is known for this, same way you're known for doing this shit.

I will once again state: Talking and joking about a situation you're in is human. This is the internet. This is not real life. Slut shaming a girl younger than you and fixating on her body and photos while preaching about being a good person is fuck-awful, along with lying to others about what happened in order to seem like the victim.

You're not a victim. You decided to fight people in the server when asked about why you choose to be in relationships with criminals and hang around generally questionable people. You took it as a personal attack when reaction images were posted. I can understand that may have felt bad at the time, but that;'s the moment we're you send a "Hello, it really hurt my feelings when..." Rather than a "Keep posting those nude photos" conversation. You wanted to your gotcha moment to prove you were right rather an accept this was a situation where no one was the winner.

Blaming your placements for your behavior will get you, a grown woman, no where. Keeping in mind, your chart is practically Eva and I's combined.

So from people who have a "Scorpio MC" (somethings she's blamed for her behavior), and from someone who has "Mercury square Pluto", it's just you. All of this behavior and the body shaming, the lying, to over exaggerating, it's just you.

You went after Evangeline for a reason. You had an existing relationship with Pluto, in which it seems like you guys were good friends before you did this. It could've been dealt with in a proper and friendly manner, but you chose to make fun of the 19 year old with I assume, a smaller amount of followers, and someone who is less likely to fight you, and someone who won't cause shit.

Great. Good Job.

[pablitosgf]

𝐆𝐈𝐅𝐓 ! — jb05

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ! — jude bellingham x fem!reader

𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎 ! — in which you surprise jude with a special vacation.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ! — nothing!!

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ! — this has been sitting in my drafts for MONTHS! even before i posted on this blog. so i hope y'all love it. btw i wrote this before he turned to the big 20 thats why it says 19. <3

𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓 ! — writing

As you sat in your office chair, you couldn't help but smile as you thought about your anniversary with Jude. You had met him back in grade 11, and now he was a professional football player while you were studying to become a pediatrician one day. You had always wanted to have children, but of course, not at the moment. You and Jude were only 19 and had graduated high school a year ago. However, you had it all planned out – from engagement to marriage, pregnancy, and kids – for the future.

But for now, you needed to focus on finding the perfect anniversary gift for your beloved boyfriend of four years. You didn't want to give him something too basic, but you knew that he had always wanted to visit the Bahamas. Unfortunately, with his hectic schedule, there had never been a good time to make the trip. As you brainstormed ideas, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the time you had spent with Jude so far and excited for all the adventures that lay ahead for the two of you.

"That's it!" you exclaimed, a grin spreading across your face. "I'll surprise him with plane tickets for a week in the Bahamas. He has the whole next week off, so it's perfect timing." You couldn't wait to see the look on Jude's face when you told him.

With the apartment to yourself for a few hours due to his training, you quickly went to your laptop and booked a flight from Dortmund to the Bahamas. As you clicked "confirm" on the booking page, your heart raced with excitement. You knew that this trip would be a lifetime experience for the both of you, and you couldn't wait to share it with Jude.

After printing out the tickets, you headed to the store to pick up a fancy box and some accessories to go with it. As you were putting the finishing touches on your surprise, you heard the doorbell ring. Your heart racing with excitement, you ran to the door to greet Jude.

"Baby, you're finally here!" you exclaimed, barely containing your excitement. "I know we were supposed to exchange presents after our date, but I just can't wait any longer."

Jude raised his eyebrows, intrigued by your eagerness. "I can't wait to see what you've got for me," he said, leaning in to give you a light kiss.

You took his hand and led him to the box you had prepared, a huge grin on your face. Jude looked at you with a mix of confusion and anticipation as you urged him to open it. "Just open it," you said, barely able to contain your excitement.

Jude eagerly unlatched the box to reveal the tickets inside. At first, he looked confused, but as he examined them more closely, his eyes widened in disbelief. "What is this?" he asked, his voice filled with astonishment.

"You're joking, right?" he exclaimed, unable to believe his luck. But as he looked at you and saw the excitement written all over your face, he knew that this was real.

“You've always talked about how much you wanted to go," you said, smiling at him. "So I thought, why not make it happen?"

Jude's response was immediate - he wrapped his arms around you and began showering you with kisses all over your face, murmuring countless "thank yous" in your ear.

“You're welcome, my love," you said, feeling your heart swell with happiness.

You woke up to an enthusiastic and energetic Jude. "Come on, babe, get up!" Jude exclaimed, pulling your arm. You groaned and tried to resist, but Jude's excitement was contagious.

"Ugh, I'm too tired. Let me sleep," you complained, sinking back into the bed.

"No way! We have to get ready," Jude insisted.

"I just wanna sleep…" you muttered groggily.

"What did you say?" Jude asked, looking confused.

"Nothing," you replied, shaking your head and trying to shake off your sleepiness.

You posted a story on your Instagram and now you were sitting at the gate, waiting for the plane. You let out a sigh of boredom, and Jude noticed. "Hey, do you want to play chopsticks?" he asked.

You looked at him quizzically, "What's chopsticks?"

Jude was taken aback, "What?! How do you not know what chopsticks is?"

You just shrugged, which earned a loud puff from Jude.

"Fine, I'll teach you," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. He explained the rules and how to play, but you made snarky remarks here and there, calling it "boring" and "not fun." Jude being Jude, responded with a sassy retort.

As Jude turned his head to you, he exclaimed, "We're actually here!" His lips barely missed yours as he spoke, and you couldn't help but smile at his excitement.

"Of course, my love," you replied, returning the almost-kiss with a soft one of your own. "I'm so happy we're finally here in the Bahamas together." You intertwined your fingers with his, feeling the warmth of his hand as you headed towards the exit, eager to start your week-long adventure in paradise.

[thedvilsinthedetails]

wrote a quick, just fluff, slice of life microfic w rosekiller (679 words)

wrote it pretty quickly so the description is #entirelynonexistant

Oh for the record ‘grunkle ford’ is a gravity falls character bahaha

also ten things I hate about you I LOVE THAT MOVIE thats the literal only reason I have them watching it is just bc I love it lmao

CW: reference to background sexual stuff but nothing depicted (its Barty btw bc Evan is ace in this)

Evan got back home at around seven, rain soaked and shivering from shitty London weather. He leaned against the door with a sigh, throwing an angry glance at the umbrella he’d decided he wouldn’t need today and left in the doorway this morning. Then he heard it. 

Barty softly groaning from the bathroom, then a gasp and then…

“E-Evan!”

Then silence. 

Evan just chuckled, sitting himself down on the sofa, smirking bemusedly when Barty emerged a minute later from the bathroom. 

“Having fun?”

Evan joked. Barty stuck his tongue out his boyfriend. 

“I tried to do it before you got home.”

“Don’t worry it’s fine, I don’t mind hearing it. I mean I kind of like the fact that you think of me when you…I just don’t want to do it.”

Barty’s smile softened and he reached his hands out to cup Evan’s face. Evan hesitated, moving his head back for a second.

“Sorry just…you’ve washed your hands like a lot right?”

“Course baby. Hands cleaned thoroughly with scented soap.”

Evan relaxed and let Barty’s hands slip around his face. Barty leaned down and pressed a kiss gently on the top of his head, nestling his face in Evan’s hair for a moment.

“Just so you know though.”

Barty whispered softly in Evan’s hair.

“I may have said your name but I was actually thinking of Grunkle Ford. Ultimate DILF.”

Barty chuckled before dropping his hands and running to the kitchen, giggling at Evan’s indignant expression.

“First of all. RUDE. second of all, he’s a literal old man.”

Evan chased Barty quickly with a laugh.

Barty just shrugged, turning and pulling Evan into his arms. They swayed there for a moment, holding each other in the soft glow of the kitchen light. Barty curled his head against Evan’s chest, looking up at him with soft eyes. 

“DILFS only improve with age.”

“Barty!”

Barty laughed again. He had a strange laugh, one that alternated between complete gaping silence and something that resembled a hyena’s shriek. It warmed Evan up from inside out to hear. 

“How was your day?”

Evan pressed their foreheads together gently as he asked.

“It was good, boring. You?”

“Same. Wanna watch a movie?”

“Ten things I hate about you, ten things I hate about you, ten things I hate about you…”

Barty began to chant it, dancing around the kitchen excitedly as Evan got snacks for the movie ready. Evan threw a handful of pretzels at him at one point which Barty tried and failed to catch in his mouth. In the end he just picked them up off the floor, blew on them (like that would even do anything) and shoved them in his mouth. 

•••

They were curled up on their sofa, Barty had his back pressed against Evan’s chest, one hand resting on Evan’s knee. Evan had an arm slung over Barty’s shoulder, other one wrapped around his waist. Evan tried to focus on the movie but it was sort of difficult when Barty kept throwing Evan not so subtle glances. 

“What is it baby?”

Evan murmured. Barty’s eyes widened and he dropped his gaze quickly. He took his hand off Evan’s knee and began to rub his knuckles against one another nervously.

“Bee?”

Evan asked again, hugging him just slightly tighter. 

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Hey.”

Evan whispered.

“You don’t have to tell me but I won’t judge you or anything.”

Barty glanced up at him again. He drew in a shaky breath before speaking.

“I’ve been thinking recently, you know about us. And I didn’t know what it was but I just figured it out and well…look I think I love you. I know I love you.”

He blurted it out quickly, tripping over words as he spoke. Evan just froze slightly.

“Oh.”

Barty shifted awkwardly, eyes fixed down in his hands.

“I love you t-“

“Ev you don’t have to…”

“Bee.”

Evan pressed a soft kiss against Barty’s cheek.

“I love you too.”

Barty looked at him for a moment, then hummed happily, snuggling even closer to Evan. 

[rzyraffek]

Yall im bored and i have dol brainrot. Here u go random mostly sfw headcanons. Most of them are just jokes btw don't take this seriously. Beware i am not dol master so If something is inaccurate pls dont crucify me. Request open btw

Includes: what kind of music they lisen, random stuff they do, ect.

I used they/them for both PC and love intrests so some of those sentences were a hell to write

Tw: me going crazy over Avery (i have issues, pls if what I wrote was weird, just close your eyes and idk explode irl idc)

Random DOL headcanons

Kylar

IM FUCKING CONVINCED that this owl plushy that they give to PC has a camera inside. Im not sure if thats mensioned in game AND I didnt see anyone talk about this. But this dude litteraly says "make sure to put it somewhere high so it can protect you/watch you over" (im not 100% sure what they said but it was along those lines)

Wants to have matching black nails with PC

If their heart wouldnt beat so fast everytime PC gets close to them, Kylar acually would OFTEN fall asleep on PC's lap or shoulder (especially in school)

If s/o is afab, Kylar is defnitly into period sex

Had a huge zombie phase and has whole plan (in details) about how and what to do in case of zombie apocalypse acually happening (and they would acually lighten up if PC mensions anything about zombies, Kylar will talk about them whole night!)

Average phonk listener

Sidney

Sometimes wakes up in middle of night after nighmares and wishes PC would be there

High purity sindey will nervously figet with cross-neckace everytime they have lewd thoughts about PC

Overthinker

Sometimes when they pray together he pretends to have eyes closed but they acually look at PC cuz omg love, you look stunning

Watched Barbie with PC (liked it very much)

Lisens to Mitski

Pure Sydney cried after lisening to cupcake songs

Great Hawk

Dude is a simp

Loves when PC has flowers in their hair, and please give them some too!

If PC praises hawk when they give PC expensive objects (jewellery, wallets, purses ect) this harpy guy/gal will call them "little crow"😭 cuz from Hawks perspective thats how it looked like- they find wife, wife sad, they give shiny, wife happy.

(Alr guys this one is a 50/50 cuz im not sure if harpys have hands? Or just wings?) He discovered hand holding and now he wants to hold PC hand all the time!! But his claws sharp so be careful

Likes when PC has colorful hair

Sounds of Forest and other birds (and bird-people) are only sounds he music he needs 🦅

Got scared bcs there was a rock/metal music concert in city and it was loud and he was very upset

Eden

Dude wants to have kids so bad😭😭

Very tall!

If Pc is tiny/short, this guy/gal will pick them up with one hand and just carry PC back to their home

PLEASE kiss their old scars, and complement them! Eden doesnt really like how they look (they are not insecure but they just dont find time to pamper themselfs and look all fancy)

Sometimes wakes up in middle of night with cold sweat and checks if PC is still there

Conteplated if plant people are eatable

Hates deep water

Will say "I dont lisen to music" and then gets judged by PC and me. ( he enjoys some romantic old songs, i guess he likes Micheal Jackson? Maybe the ink spots??Idk)

Avery

Dude just wants to have good reputation😭😭 and nice looking PC

Tbh I would enjoy Avery-dad-figure content😭 like PC just doing all this stuff just to be accepted by some guy that could be their dad😭 their are fatherless afterall😭. Like hear me out PC just craving platonic love from this dude while he just wants to smash😓 (tbh he is not always doing sexuall stuff, sometimes he just vibes)

Pls dude is like 40 wtf is he doing with his life

*in car* "I swear PC if you say anything more about kpop im leaving you in forest"

Lisens to chrismas music😭

Ivory

Dude ate a squirrel once

I wanna cuddle them

Pls they look wet and cold, give them a nice towel and later blanket

Definitely got scared by their own reflection in mirror once

Can talk to animals

Lisens to gothic music

Likes bugs (months, Beatles, bees)

Alex

Dude lisens to Pitbull while working at farm

Picks PC up and throws them on hay piles for fun

Alex and Remy should settle this beef for good, they both should do kahoot about farm animal knowlage and no more "no its my farm not yours!" Bullshit

Watches soap opera when bored

Wears cowboys hats

Ginger

Leninghton

Rizzing up people twice younger than him (hes like 40 or something)

Enjoys board games and omg he loves card games

Hes probably married tbh

Has reddit account😔

The photos he takes in classes? He sells them

He and Bailey should kiss in meat grinder for beating PC ass for no reason🤩😍