#thats my boy but with every disease

[lilguydredge]

I saw some spoilers and

[texeoghea]

i keep thinking abt akechis unaddressed undiagnosed osdd swag

[mins-fins]

AUDERE EST FACERE. — [Z.CL]

❝to dare is to do..❞

SYNOPSIS: where crown prince zhong chenle, forced into a marriage with a woman he doesn't like and riddled with complicated feelings, finds solace in the palace's very own medic, you.

PAIRING: zhong chenle x male!reader

GENRE: royalty au, not really modern but not really medieval time period either, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, angst, kinda humorous, prince!chenle x medic!reader, kinda forbidden relationship, ambiguous/open ending

WARNINGS: might not be accurate to medieval times, death, blood & gore, forced marriage, mentions of disease, unhealthy ways of grieving, a lot of mentions of violence

WORD COUNT: 22.7k

NOTES: woah woah woah!!! this whole fic broke a whole bunch of isa records…….. hiiii jj 😊 hi chenle stans 😊 hello nct male reader community 😊😊😊 i hope im serving the isanator nation well (consists of 2 ppl) ANYWAY this is one of the works i am genuinely most proud of because for one, it's my longest ever work, and for two, i'm just so happy with how it turned out!! this was originally meant to be like 16k words but then i got carried away and now this is here 🙁 i truly apologize for how long this is but PLEASEEE dont get bored i swear it gets good 😞😞 and i did write ambiguous ending but it does seem pretty straightforward so um… im sorry for that, this fic would've been MUCH MUCH LONGER than 22k words but i already beat my former wc record so i just cut a bunch of other unnecessary scenes 😶 alright thats enough of my yapping!! ily jj my bsf ever ty for listening to me ramble abt this endlessly in ur inbox 😊😊💗

CHENLE REMEMBERS IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY. his little feet sneakily took him away from the huge meeting room full of intimidating adults talking about gibberish, and slowly, they lead him to a much more enjoyable place. at the time, seven year old chenle couldn't figure out why his parents needed such a big meeting room, or why all of these important people came to the castle every few months, to him, those strangers were nothing but tryhards, greedy men and women who were never pleased no matter how much they were offered.

seven year old chenle could never truly figure out why his parents insisted on having him sit around with these other important adults, listening to them talk about the economy, kingdom relations, marriage, all this stuff that isn't interesting to seven year old boys.

the young prince found his feet leading him to a place of familiar comfort, the palace's own rose garden. he could never truly explain why the air surrounding the abundance of roses ever became of comfort to him, because roses are anything but comfortable to hold, but whenever he felt like father and mothers fights were getting too aggressive, he could just come here and everything would be okay.

the gardener, a woman by the name of mrs. qian, was always sweet to chenle, much sweeter than his father usually was. her son, qian kun, is basically chenle's older brother, the older boy often comes around whenever his mothers in work, and he tells chenle stories of what goes on at the village schools, the newest gossip and adventures he's gone on with his friends.

chenle often finds himself interested in the life of a commoner, they're all just so intriguing.. he can't believe the stories most of the time, but he is homeschooled, and has been holed up in this castle for as long as he can remember, so how he can prove or debunk any of these things? he just thinks that non-royals are some of the most entertaining people he knows, they're all so hilarious.

as soon as the seven year old chenle stepped into the rose garden, a feeling of relief seeps into his body. he takes in a deep breath, and finally allowed for his shoulders to slump, much too tired of having to keep his back straight all this time.

he lets himself relax into the atmosphere, finally away from the suffocated room full of adults seemingly speaking a language he could not understand. if that's what kings and queens have to do, chenle thinks he'd rather not take the throne.

the seven year old prince allowed for his eyes to scan the garden, it's empty. well that makes sense, mrs. qian isn't in today and neither is her son, they went on a holiday. he sighs to himself, he misses kun's company, but alas, no one is around.

chenle makes his way around to a specific rose bush, it has the most roses out of the bunch. seven year old chenle used to think the rose bushes were magic, the roses always grew so quickly, one day there'd be none and the next there'd be hundreds, it was purely shocking to the young prince.

chenle, as always, began tracing the shape of the roses with his finger. he finds them pretty, as he does all flowers. it might sound like he's being basic, but roses are probably his favorite of the bunch. they're just so beautiful, and most importantly— they're sharp.

but the seven year old chenle is startled out of his rose admiring due to a shout.

"hey! don't touch those!"

the young prince furrowed his eyebrows at the words, what's wrong with touching the roses? it's not like there are garden rules or anything. when chenle turned to the source of the shout, that's when he sees the person.

you, it was you. adorable seven year old you who ran up to him as quickly as you could, you stopped as soon as you made it his way, panting like you had just run a marathon. "don't touch the roses".

the young chenle blinked, puzzled. "why can't i touch them? i'm the prince you can't tell me what to do—"

"they're sharp! you're gonna hurt yourself see?" you pointed at chenle's hand, and he looked down, eyes widening as he came across the sight. his finger was bleeding, oh that's bad. "roses have thorns, you have to be careful".

chenle had no idea who you were then, but all he knew was that you were worried. your eyes were watering, as if you were going to burst into tears at any moment, and you took a deep breath as you slowly began freaking out over the small cut on the prince's index finger. "oh uh— i didn't even notice".

"it's okay really, god i have a bandaid don't i? hold on.." you mumbled, worried as ever as you began rummaging through your pockets, trying to find a bandaid to patch up the prince with.

"it's fine it's just a small cut i.." chenle paused in between his words, clearing his throat. "who are you?"

right, you were still a stranger, chenle had no idea who you were then, for all he could know, you had broken into the palace or something. you finally stopped looking through your pocket, your face went a bright red as you faced the prince again. "um my name is y/n, i'm the—"

"y/n honey? where did you run off to?"

now chenle recognized that voice, that was the voice of the palace's sweet medic. mrs. l/n had a voice that was like honey, she was easily one of chenle's favorite staff members, not only because she would always be there to wipe his tears when he scraped his knee, but she always offered him delicious candy. "oh! there you are!"

"good afternoon mrs. l/n" chenle politely greeted, and you let out a small sigh of relief at the sight of your mother, though that look of worry was still prominent in your eyes.

"chenle, how are you doing?" she reached over to ruffle the young prince's hair, which he accepted happily, giggling at the gesture. "i'm doing good, ma'am".

"he has a cut on his finger" you muttered to her, and a small 'ah' leaves her lips as she finally realized what was going on. "i wanted to help him but i didn't have any bandaids" you seemed disappointed in yourself, as your gaze immediately lowered to the floor.

"oh sweetie, it's okay" your mother shook your shoulder, reassuring you. "just remember to call me before running off".

"i'll remember, sorry".

the young prince blinked at the sight before him, though he continued to smile at the sight of your mother. "sorry for yelling at you, your highness" you muttered in your low voice, and all chenle did was shake his head, waving you off.

"it's alright you were just trying to help" chenle replied, he finds seven year old you to be the epitome of adorable, just the cutest person in the world.

"let's get you that bandaid yeah?"

chenle nodded, you nodded, and the two of you proceeded to follow your mother out of the garden and to her office.

when chenle thinks back to this moment, the moment he first met you, he likes to compare it to an explosive, just waiting to be lit, just waiting to be set off and destroy everything. when he thinks back to the first moment he met you, chenle can't help but reminisce about it.

after your mother helped him with his cut, the two of you.. talked. you talked about things all seven year old boys talk about, and it was one of the highlights of chenle's day, though he kept trying to make you drop the formalities and call him by his first name, you vehemently disagreed.

the two of you became friends (and just chenle calling the two of you "friends" was enough to almost send seven year old you into cardiac arrest), a royal and a commoner, but chenle never saw it that way, chenle has never seen it that way. a friend is a friend, regardless of status or their economic situation. yes chenle is at a great advantage, being the prince of the kingdom you lived in, but he never held it over you, he isn't like that.

you were— are a special friend to chenle. sometimes, it feels like the two of you have known each other your whole lives. you mean much more to him than he actually lets slip, but he'll never let that be known, even under kun's watchful eye and jisung's insistence on knowing if you two really are just "friends".

chenle spends a lot of time thinking about the day you two first met, it's like a looping episode of a show in his head.

"chenle? did you even hear me?"

no response.

a grunt of frustration is sounded in the room, but the prince doesn't react, much too busy zoned out as a specific memory replays in his head for the seventh time that hour.

"chenle! pay attention!"

the slam of a hand against the table, paired with the loud shout is enough to snap the now twenty one year old crown prince out of his little dazed memory recalling session. chenle startles, but he quickly lets his face relax, sighing as he rejoins the conversation he'd previously zoned out on. "what?"

chenle's mother pinches the bridge of her nose, an exasperated sigh escaping her lips. "marriage, chenle, that's what were talking about".

oh god, chenle resists the urge to groan. he isn't exactly on board with this whole marriage thing, but then again, he has no other choice, his father is gone and he's next in line for the throne, this is how it goes for each royal family, he should just suck it up and deal with it head on. "yeah yeah, sorry, i didn't sleep much last night".

it's not exactly a lie, these days usually have chenle plagued with some sort of sleeplessness, but that isn't the main reason he was zoned out, obviously. "alright.. anyway, i talked with the zhu's, we agreed that you and their daughter, yinuo, are to marry".

chenle recognizes the family name, unfortunately, he doesn't exactly recognize their daughter. "you're marrying me off to a stranger? what about the girls i actually know, suyin? jia? mingxia? they're actually my friends, i'd be much more comfortable with them than a princess i've never met".

"marriage doesn't work like that, chenle" the words are enough to make chenle grit his teeth, he bites his tongue, though. "all you have to do is merely get along with her enough that it looks like you're in love at the wedding, rule the kingdom, and have children".

chenle raises an eyebrow, rocking back and forth in his chair. "that sounds a tad bit dystopian, mother".

the older woman does nothing but narrow her eyes at chenle, a look he's become used to receiving from her at this point. "it's just how everything goes, le, i don't know what to tell you".

chenle bites his inner cheek, looking everywhere else in the room. he always knew marriage was a custom, if not out of true love, it would be out of convenience. chenle had been given so much time to go find a woman to fall in love with, but he didn't find it that easy, maybe he just has too many requirements when it comes to love. he doesn't exactly support the whole thing about creating new heirs, but he was born into this family for this reason, what is the point of being a king if not sacrificing his freedom for the happiness of others?

chenle has always known that he wouldn't exactly enjoy this part of his life, and his father just had to go early, he is very much upset, but he doesn't disclose those feelings to anyone. after his long minutes of silence, chenle stands up from the table, again facing his mother. "yes yes i get it, mother" he mutters, making his way over to his mother and pressing a kiss to her cheek, realizing that she was trembling in anxiousness. "don't worry about me, i'll be fine".

but would he really? chenle can't exactly determine that.

"HOW DID YOUR LITTLE MARRIAGE CONVERSATION GO?" QIAN KUN cannot contain his interest, immediately finding chenle and inquiring about his upcoming marriage. chenle can always go to kun to talk about things troubling his mind, the older is a person of solace for him, a comfort in this big castle that seems to be swallowing him whole. chenle is glad he has kun, even with how much he does tease him, he's truly grateful for the older. "whose the lucky lady?" the words are enough to get a groan out of chenle, who shoved his nose into his book.

"zhu yinuo".

kun's eyes widen, clearly he recognizes that name. "of azerene?"

chenle clicks his tongue, not sparing the older a glance. "yes, that one".

the older male hums, merely glancing at the crown prince. "why do you sound so uninterested? marriage should be a fun topic for you".

his teasing tone doesn't breeze past chenle, but the younger doesn't comment on it, focusing on the topic of the novel in his hands. "not when it's with a women i don't know, i'm just being placed into a union with a stranger, a stranger who i'm then going to have make babies with so that the treasurable zhong family lives on for generations and generations".

"well isn't that the whole point of royal families, though?" kun asks absentmindedly, it seems he meant to say that in his head, seeing as how he slaps a hand over his mouth immediately after the question escapes his lips, but chenle doesn't mind, getting offended over such a question is the last of his worries. "..sorry".

"it's alright" chenle responds, his voice a low echo in the expanse of a room. "it's how most things go anyway, i should know better than to question it".

"i just don't think it's fair" chenle only gives a mere hum, though he notices kun's tone of concern. "yeah you're supposed to create heirs at the end of the day, but not even with someone you love?"

"you ask too many questions".

kun scoffs, turning to chenle with a look of betrayal in his eyes. "i'm just saying what your thinking, chenle, i worry about you".

chenle, who sighs silently, finally closes his book and gives the older an indistinguishable look. "you don't have to worry about me, i'll be fine, i always am".

a lie, one as clear as day too. chenle doesn't exactly know how to explain what he feels, sometimes it feels like everything is bubbling up slowly, closing in on him and suffocating him to death. he assumes it's normal to feel like this, especially with people who don't talk about how they feel, but chenle doesn't know how to bring it up to people without making everything weird.

it's all just complicated.

chenle finally stands up, running a hand through his hair and folding the page of his book as to not lose his page. he makes his way over to kun, whose mindlessly folding his own clothes as he admires the butterfly tank before him.

the butterflies were an installment chenle begged for his father to get for him after he read a book on metamorphosis once, it was a gift for his twelfth birthday, though he wanted a room to be a whole conservatory for him, his father said that would be "unnecessary" (and as an adult, chenle is inclined to agree with that statement). he finds the winged beings to be beautiful, a kind of striking that only specific animals can replicate.

yes, chenle is a huge fan of butterflies, his love for them runs deep. he lightly taps the glass encasing the creatures with his nail, gaze laser focused on the flying insects and their bright colored wings.

"you say that all the time, but i can never truly tell if you are" kun finally responds after letting his answer wither in the silence of the room, his eyes wander over to chenle, who does nothing but admire the trapped butterflies before him.

the words get a small smile out of chenle, but he's not sure why, though they do make him smile. "i am fine, there's no need to look in further".

"you know me, i'm always going to look further".

chenle allows for himself to chuckle at the response. he's right about that.

he stares at the butterflies encased in the glass box, practically trapped against their own will. his mind wanders, the butterflies remind him of something very familiar.

but he pretends to have no idea what it is.

CHENLE OFTEN FINDS HIMSELF SLEEPLESS THESE DAYS. after the first two hours of insomnia took over, the crown prince decided to entertain himself by reading that book he's left off at earlier that day, but by the time he looked at the clock again, two more hours had passed, and he had finished the book which he once thought would enthrall him until his body gave into it's exhaustion. he lets his arm fall, placing the copy of strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde onto his desk. he's still not tired, for some unknown reason. 

maybe another book will do the trick, chenle's mind tells him, and he agrees with that statement enough that he swings out of his bed and his feet grace the cold floor. it's cold, it's always cold at night, but chenle thinks it's always extra cold at night on purpose.

the crown prince tries his best to shake off the freezing temperature of the room, slipping on a fuzzy sweater and grabbing the lamp from his desk. if sleep isn't going to come him, he could at least spend some of the night in the library, it'll be a good way to pass time.

the library is a nice place of comfort, chenle has always been able to relax his mind the most when he's reading. reading is one of the easiest hobbies to have, because you're not tiring yourself out, but your also doing something fun (but chenle has learned that some people don't really describe reading as their idea of 'fun').

when chenle was younger, reading was really all he did. he was homeschooled, so the most lessons he got were three a day, mother and father never cared about what he had to tell them, dismissing his words as just idiotic child talk. no one ever gave him the time of day if they weren't forced to, so chenle quickly found comfort in the many books which littered the library.

by the time chenle was fourteen, he had already read most of the books in the library, and that includes the unnecessarily huge dictionary. he could almost always be found in the library if not in his room or the rose garden, immersing himself in another world of fiction or nonfiction.

the library is basically his second home, he's there all the time, engrossed in the literature which is all he can see.

the constant creaking of the old structure is all chenle can hear as he makes his way over to the library. at one in the morning, the palace is truly creepy, like one of those haunted buildings full of spirits that suddenly scare you in the night.

now, chenle isn't one to believe in the supernatural, but some of these nightly events in the castle truly can't be explained away. sometimes, he almost gives in to believing all of stories about paranormal activity happening in the castle, something about an old king going haywire and murdering his whole entire family.

father and mother would tell him the stories to scare him out of staying up late, saying that old king chen was gonna come out of the walls late at night and scare him if he ever tried to roam the palace halls past his bedtimes.

but chenle's an adult now, much too grown to be believing in some make believe ghost stories.

back to his mission of getting to the library with nothing but his tiny lamp, chenle sighs in the darkness of the empty halls, his sigh seemingly echoing in the silence and bouncing off the walls. he pauses to observe his barely lit surroundings, and he feels his stomach drop when he hears the sound of faint footsteps across the hall.

who else could be awake at this time?

"hello?"

chenle pauses again as he listens to the greeting. he recognizes that voice, it's you, chenle thinks he could recognize your voice from miles away. "y/n?" he calls out, he doesn't mean to do that, he just really wanted to say your name, is that such a crime? he doesn't think it is.

when you finally come into his like of vision, chenle lets out a sigh of relief, the pit in his stomach will hopefully go away now. for some reason, he feels much more safe with you here. "oh god you scared me ch— your highness".

ah, it's still the same, despite your long friendship, you still don't usually address chenle by his name. you always say it's because you have to "respect his title", but chenle doesn't really like it. he likes it more when you call him by his first name, even if it is disrespectful for a commoner to do such a thing.

chenle never cares when it's with you.

"you scared me" chenle emphasizes, taking in a deep breath. "my apologies".

"it's fine, uh.. why are you awake exactly?" you ask, though chenle wanted to ask you that, it seems you beat him to it. how funny. "if you don't mind me asking of course".

of course, all you ever really do is look after people, you take after your mother, it's evident to chenle that being a medic was your calling. "oh i can't sleep, i'm heading to the library to get a book that'll hopefully tire me".

you chuckle at the words, your laughter is pretty, chenle notes. "of course, you're always in that library, seems you spend most of your time reading" chenle laughs at your tone of voice, your teasing him, you talk like how your mother used to talk about him when you were children.

"reading is..fun".

those words seem to confuse you, and you blink, lightly tilting your head to the side. "i have never heard someone describe reading as fun, but i guess it makes sense for you".

chenle wants to ask about the meaning of those words, because they seem to have so many layers, but you begin again before he can even try to ask. "i heard about your new marriage" there's a certain distaste in your voice chenle can't exactly pinpoint. "congratulations".

chenle allows for himself to frown, his stomach curling in an uncomfortable way at just the thought of his new marriage. he doesn't want to talk about it, because it's just going to make him upset. "oh yeah it's quiet.. exciting news".

you pick up on his tone of disgust, his gritted teeth, and the way his eyes quickly cast around the room, but you stay silent. "anyway, i should be heading to the library, find a nice book, have any recommendations?"

you blink at the sudden question, scouring your mind for books you think the crown prince might be charmed by. "frenchman's creek by daphne du maurier".

chenle raises an eyebrow. "that's in the library?"

"yeah i uh— i read it a couple weeks ago, it was amazing" you mutter, trying to keep eye contact with the prince who was clearly trying to not look you in the eye. "i think you'll like it, i mean— i hope you do".

chenle hums, noting down your recommendation in his mind. "i'll make sure to read it then, thank you y/n, good night".

your eyes widen as you realize that it is indeed the middle of the night, and your conversation has to end eventually. "right right, it's no problem, good night your highness".

chenle frowns again at the sound of his title escaping your lips, but he doesn't say anything, just gives you a small smile and walks past you and towards the library.

he doesn't see you watch him walk away, he's much too busy thinking about how much he wants you to say his name.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT? YOU LOOK TIRED" THE WORRYING tone in his fiancée's voice doesn't breeze past chenle, but he pays it no mind, ignoring the question. yinuo blinks, clearly expecting the silence, chenle's mother did say he's prone to giving people the "cold shoulder". she sighs, reaching out to touch his shoulder but immediately pulling back, he probably wouldn't like that. "chenle.."

"i'm fine" chenle replies faster than he intends, he brushes off any dust that might be on his shoulder and rubs his right eye. "i just lost a few hours of sleep that's all" he states rather unconvincingly, but yinuo doesn't comment more, just sighs again.

chenle holds out his arm, which the princess quickly links with hers, an indescribable emotion in his eyes. "let's just get this over with.." he shakes his head, feeling a hand of support from his future wife run up and down his back. "the faster we get through with this the faster we both get out of here".

yinuo is happy to know chenle doesn't despise her, he's just not comfortable with her, and chenle, he really is trying his best, he might be coming off as rude, but he just isn't on board with this whole thing. "they're all so extra, making us do this.."

"right, the least they could do is make us enter at different times but no, we have to do this walk in together like were walking down the aisle".

chenle glances down at their linked arms, letting a sigh escape his lips as the two of them finally exit the room they had been put into together. starting their way off to the meeting room down the hall, chenle allows for his mind to wander, he can't be focused on his fiancée or upcoming marriage, he's much too focused on other things.

you, namely.

the crown prince can't focus on what's going on when the only thing prominent in his mind is you. yeah your exchange last night was a short one, but it was also a memorable one. after weeks of going back and forth with things that just didn't make sense, and a mind that was in a frenzy, just talking to you in the middle of the night was enough to relax chenle.

you two haven't been able to talk in the past few weeks.. evidently, chenle is a prince to be king who has to focus on ruling a kingdom and your a medic who has to focus on taking care of others. you two have no time to be friends now that you're adults, it doesn't help that chenle now has all this added pressure on him, and you clearly feel like he's become a stranger.

chenle guesses the.. power imbalance is what's driving this. he's apart of the royal family, a crown prince, set to take the crown and become king, your a commoner, someone who lives just above the poverty line, the only reason you're able to stay afloat is because you took up your mothers position as the palace's medic, but even then, you can almost barely take care of her.

chenle hates thinking about it, because the two of you used to be so close, an unbreakable pair, two boys who couldn't be separated even with the differences between you two. your ranks in society never bothered you, never disturbed your friendship, never disturbed you as a pair, it never mattered. he often finds himself reminiscing on those times, the times where he could see you without his mind listing everything he had to do after that.

"chenle? are you listening?"

chenle blinks out of his daze, arm still linked with yinuo's as he gazes at his future father in law. he pretends to not see the look of worry the woman on his arm sends him, clearing his throat. "yeah, my apologies".

"uh huh, my regards to you, i know the sudden.. passing of the king was hard on you, and we hope your grieving well".

so your throwing your daughter at me, how great. chenle laughs in his mind, tongue poking through his inner cheek, he already knew he wasn't going to like where this was going. "now, about the marriage—"

chenle tunes him out easily, letting out a silent sigh which his mother hears, sending him a glare from across the room as the breath escapes his lips. he doesn't pay any mind to the look from his mother, though he knows she's quickly getting annoyed with how he isn't paying attention.

the discussion is exactly how chenle thought it'd be, the parents discuss everything and just assume their children agree from the get go, they don't even bother asking them their thoughts, or even how they felt, they just threw them into this like they were some baby making machines.

chenle guesses it's just how the cycle goes, his parents had to go through this, and so did their parents before them, and their parents before them, and so on. this is how things work, chenle can't run away from his fate, even with how much he opposes this arrangement.

"and for children.." just the mention of children is enough to make both chenle and yinuo tense, but they both play it off as the cold of the room making them flinch. "you can decide how many you want, but more than one would be nice, and especially a son would be nice".

of course, chenle sings in his head. he wonders how much they'll have to drill that into their heads, some stupid importance men have or something. he glances at his fiancée, whose trembling in her place beside him. he places a gentle hand on her back. "it's alright, calm down" he whispers enough so that she can hear it over the chatter of her father and mother.

"this is not fun".

"yeah, tell me about it" the crown prince grits his teeth, his comment eliciting a small laugh out of the woman beside him. he has to admit, he does enjoy her company.

"ah, i see you two are getting along!"

upon hearing the remark, the two pause, an awkward silence spreading between them. they exchange a small glance before chenle clears his throat, speaking up. "yeah um.. this was a nice meeting, we can continue chatting about the marriage another time, we thank you for coming, the guards will escort you out".

though chenle smiles at his future in laws, he feels nothing but nauseous the whole time.

"WHERE ARE YOU HEADING, YOUR HIGHNESS?" THE QUESTION from kun isn't enough to make chenle stop in his tracks, and he continues his way down the hall. kun blinks as the younger ignores him, furrowing his eyebrows. he then lets out a sigh, letting his hands drop as his eyes stay pointed at the crown prince. "chenle? where are you going?" chenle still doesn't stop, but he seems to acknowledge the older this time.

"to the rose garden" he responds quickly, only getting another eyebrow furrow from the older. he finally stops, turning towards the other with a look that kun cannot exactly pinpoint at the current moment. "if you need me, i'll be there".

"is something wrong?"

chenle takes in a breath, gritting his teeth. curse qian kun for being so caring, curse him for always knowing when something's up. he's quick to shake his head, mustering the fakest of fake smiles. "nothing's wrong! i just need fresh air!"

kun blinks, totally not buying that horrible lie, but he doesn't say anything about it, just mutters a small "okay" and lets chenle be on his way. chenle didn't mean to lie to kun, he just doesn't know how to explain his feelings at the current moment.

so, he gives the older a small smile, turning on his heel and making a beeline towards the titular rose garden, the one that's given him so much comfort over these past few years. he doesn't know why just the presence of everyone in that room was enough to make him want to throw up, but his anxieties wouldn't settle, he can't bear to stay inside this castle much longer.

chenle has no idea why the feeling of suffocation is constantly overtaking him these days, but the walls are slowly pushing in on him, leaving him breathless and nothing more than a weak human vessel.

when chenle does finally step outside, met by a plethora of roses and the smell of pollen in the air, the pit in his stomach doesn't settle. instead of letting out a sigh of relief, he pauses in his tracks, allowing for his eyes to roam the area he'd grown to love as a child.

chenle sighs, not of relief, but sighs with another indescribable feeling he can't explain, walking up to a display of white roses. he knows they're sharp, your old warnings flash in his head as he stares at the pretty flowers before him, tracing them with his fingers as he's always done when in the rose garden.

"don't hurt yourself again, your highness".

it's when chenle hears you that he immediately jumps, but then he relaxes, slowly. what were the odds of this happening again? you seem to read his mind, because you chuckle at the expression which graces his features. chenle raises an eyebrow, a humored smile coming to his face. "you sure you actually have bandaids this time?"

the reference makes you snicker, looking down at the floor as you turn away from your childhood friend. you rummage through your pocket, finally pulling out a bandaid, one which wasn't present when you were seven and yelling for chenle to not touch the roses. "there you go, now you won't cut your finger".

for once today, chenle suddenly feels relaxed, it's always with you, isn't it? his mind notes that down, he'll remember it for later. he takes the bandaid from you, a smile coming to his face as the nostalgia settles on him. "thank you, you're always looking after everyone, you sure know how to do your job".

the words make you pause, but you don't look at chenle as you think of a response, instead turning to the white roses displayed in front of you. you lightly poke them, letting out a small hum of affirmation. "well, what kind of medic would i be if i didn't look out for others? i'd be an idiot to ever let our highness get hurt".

chenle's lips turn up, and he laughs in just the slightest, but he isn't sure why he laughs. there's just something about you that makes chenle feel at ease, you calm his worries without even having to do anything, it's not like he's even telling you about these worries either, but the anxiety he once felt seems to be nothing now.

spending time with you calms chenle, he wants to preserve as much of this time as possible.

"i started reading your recommendation" chenle suddenly blurts out, wanting to continue a conversation with you. he doesn't know how limited your time will be. "frenchman's creek.. i like it so far, it's an interesting choice, though".

you raise an eyebrow. "why's that?"

"i didn't peg you for an enjoyer of pirate romances" chenle shrugs, and he quickly looks away, not wanting to stare at you for too long, because he doesn't think he'd be able to look away.

"well i don't like limiting my interests to one genre, you'd know about that".

chenle blinks, the words striking him in a way only the words you say can. how do you always manage to do that? it's not really the words, it's just how you say them, even if you don't make your intentions clear, chenle always knows what you mean. "it always manages to surprise me, i'm not sure what's gonna happen next".

you click your tongue, a small smile coming to your face. "just so you know, it doesn't have a happy ending".

chenle gasps, overdramatizing the volume of his voice. "you're giving me spoilers? in the rose garden?" his words make you snicker, and you pick a white rose from the bush, unfazed by the thorns which slowly sink into your fingers.

"i didn't spoil anything specific" you finally turn back to chenle, twirling the rose between your fingers. "just told how it was gonna end up.." you mutter, stepping closer to chenle unconsciously. you look at up, suddenly anxious as ever. "may i?" you ask, motioning towards the rose with your eyes.

chenle blinks, his mind going blank for a few seconds. what do you want to do exactly? he gazes at your hands fidgeting on the stem of the flower, and the pieces slowly put themselves together in his brain. are you going to..? "i— yes, sure.."

you raise an eyebrow, not really trusting the seemingly hesitant consent chenle had given, but he clears his throat, reiterating it for you; "yes, you can".

upon hearing the answer, you step closer once again, placing the rose into his hair, your careful to not hurt chenle, and especially careful because you don't want the stem to get tangled in chenle's hair. "i.. i thought it'd look nice on you, and it does, you look— you look great".

chenle blinks, a sudden red hue coloring his cheeks. it's such a basic compliment, one he's been given many times by other people, but it feels different coming from you.

it's always different when it's with you.

chenle clears his throat, unable to prevent a smile from crossing his face. you don't look at him anymore, looking away to prevent yourself from burning up, but you allow for a smile to come to your face as you think about the action you just performed.

you have no idea why you're so giddy about this.

"oh um.." chenle pauses, laughing awkwardly. "thank you, that's very sweet".

"oh it's no problem i just— i uh, it compliments your hair".

chenle hums, looking down at the floor. he hopes you don't see his face burning, and you hope he doesn't see your face burning, it's such a hilarious thing, but you both are much too flustered to find your current circumstances amusing. "you have an eye for those things too?"

"well i have an eye for many things".

i can see that, chenle doesn't say that, though, just smiles at you. you only give him a mere glance, and a small smile yourself. "it was nice seeing you, ch— your highness" you notice how your correction makes chenle frown, but you continue. "i'll be off now, have a good day".

chenle only frowns again when he realizes your time together is over, he wants to continue the conversation, wants to try to use an excuse, wants to use his power to order you to stay, but he doesn't give into the desires he wants so badly, just nods. "oh uh, don't let me keep you here".

you chuckle. "i wouldn't really mind if you did".

the words have an unspoken affect on chenle, an affect that he can't exactly explain, but he can feel. he can feel it in the way his ears heat up and his stomach flips. "alright then, bye y/n".

"bye".

and as chenle watches you leave, the feeling of anxiety he'd entered the garden with seemed to wither away, dissolving away like it was nothing.

he thinks about your 'bye' for hours, unable to get the sound of your voice out of his bed.

"HOW HAVE YOU BEEN THESE DAYS?" CHENLE doesn't answer immediately, as always these days. he skims the row of books before him, fidgeting with the one in his hands. he's not ignoring his friend, he's just focused on other things. "fine" he responds, grunting as he lightly struggles to pull the book from the shelf, but he doesn't ask for help. he doesn't need help. "what's with that look?"

park jisung blinks at his longtime friend, raising a suspicious eyebrow at him. "you don't look fine".

chenle scoffs, suddenly feeling super defensive. he doesn't look at jisung anymore, the other is going to begin to annoy him if he keeps staring at him. "what do you know about looking fine?"

he hears jisung's sigh of defeat. "well i'm just concerned for you, we haven't talked in a while, you've been so busy preparing for your coronation and.. marriage".

chenle resists the urge to roll his eyes. "my coronation isn't for another three months, preparations have all been lackluster".

"and the marriage?"

chenle snaps his head towards jisung, giving him an indescribable look. jisung is quick to shut his mouth, not wanting to face chenle's terrifying wrath. the older prince glares dangerously at the younger, who chuckles awkwardly and scratches his hand. he doesn't have to say anything, but jisung knows he should probably change the subject.

"uh.. um, are you still friends with that medic kid?"

now that is a question chenle wasn't expecting. a question about you? when he snaps his head over at jisung for the second time, the younger almost freezes, noticing the pointed look in his eyes. "what?"

"y/n, the medic kid!" jisung reiterates, clearly thinking the issue is that chenle didn't hear him the first time. "his mom used to work here, right? is he still around?"

chenle narrows his eyes, puzzled at where jisung is trying to go with this.. question. he'd been dealt with a fair amount of teasing from his friend because of how much closer the two of you seemed, jisung often questioned how much of a "friend" you really were to chenle, but the older would always combat it with a glare and snappy insult as a response.

"yes he's still around.. he took over mrs. l/n's position".

jisung blinks dumbly. "oh? what happened to her?"

just the question is enough to put a sour taste in chenle's mouth. "she just couldn't go on any longer one day, she retired a few years ago and he took over her position".

"you don't know what happened to her?"

"y/n didn't tell me anything specific" chenle is beginning to get annoyed. he knows it's in jisung's nature to be curious like this but god, if he wanted to know these things so bad he could've just asked you. "just go ask him if you're so curious".

he hears a small "hmph" sound from jisung before the younger prince sounds again. "i will then! y/n! hey!"

chenle didn't actually think you'd be passing by the library at that exact moment, but you were. you pause, backtracking as you look into the library, blinking at the jumping prince before you. "uh— hi, your highness, what do you need me for?"

jisung is quick to chuckle, waving off your use of formalities. "please, there's no need to be so formal, were friends after all!"

you only respond with a small smile, giving chenle a mere glance. "i'm just doing what i'm supposed to, i can't call you by your name.."

"well right now, you're going to call me by my name" jisung demands, which makes you snicker. he really hasn't changed. you look down at the floor, hands picking at your nails. "your allowed to, right chenle?"

chenle was not expecting to be included in this conversation. is jisung reading his mind or something? how could he seem to tell exactly what chenle wanted to say? he feels his face heat up, but he isn't exactly sure why it does that. "i mean— yeah, yes, were friends".

jisung then turns back to you, a clear 'see?' expression on his face as he smiles in victory at chenle proving him right. you chuckle at chenle's response, smiling again, but it's much more directed at chenle this time. "fine then, jisung, what do you need me for?"

jisung then walks towards you, placing a hand on your shoulder (a hand chenle is suddenly laser focused on) almost as if to reassure you. "how have you been?"

your eyebrows furrow. it's not a weird question to ask, you just weren't expecting for him to ask a question. you share another confused glance with chenle, then snickering lightly. "fine.. i uh— i've just been trying my best, as always".

jisung hums, his finger going up to caress your cheek lightly, a finger which chenle again laser focuses on, he can't help but narrow his eyes at jisung, wondering what the hell is he doing?

"uh huh, and how's your mother?"

at the mere mention of your mother, you seem to go still, pausing as you let jisung's question simmer into the air. you try your best to collect your words, opening your mouth to speak, but then you close it, as if wanting to keep your thoughts to yourself.

chenle picks up on your sudden silence, as if he could feel your heightened anxieties, he speaks up; "are you alright, y/n?" he asks, concern lacing his tone as he sees the worry in your eyes as you think about your mother.

you snap out of your little daze, clearing your throat as you nod. "yeah yeah, i uh— i'm fine, mom is.. she's doing okay".

"okay?"

"she's sick" you blurt quickly, fingers fidgeting at shirt collar. "but she's doing much better now, i'm taking care of her and everything.." you look away from the two royals, scratching your cheek out of habit.

"oh, oh my god i didn't know she was sick" jisung realizes how awkward he made the situation. "um, i wish her the best".

chenle doesn't say anything, he sees the way you glance around the room, desperately trying to think about everything else. "yeah, tell her i said hi" he states immediately, and you finally stop looking around the room to look at chenle, he notices that look in your eyes, the one where it seems like your about to cry, but you're holding in your tears.

even with all that, you smile at chenle, as if his words had healed you in some way. "i'll make sure to do that, i uh.. i have to go now, i don't want for anyone to die while i stand here".

jisung's eyes widen, and he gasps. "right! go go, you have a job to do, sorry for holding you up" you dismiss his words with a wave, jisung is still so cute, as cute as he was when you were children.

"it's fine really, you actually kind of made my day".

"well i'm happy that i could!"

you smile again at jisung, then smile lightly at chenle, who almost wants to jump towards you and trap you in a tight hug. "thank you, your hi— jisung" you quickly correct yourself, clearing your throat. "i'll see you some other time, and you chenle, i'll see you later".

chenle allows for himself to go red at the words, what do you mean by later? he tries his best to register the words, and the fact that you just called him by his name after what seems like forever, but he doesn't say anything, even though he feels jisung's gaze burning holes into his head. "later? yeah, later".

chenle has no idea why he agreed.

it's you, that's why he agreed.

WHEN CHENLE FINDS HIMSELF SLEEPLESS AGAIN that very night, he doesn't even think before raising out of his bed and deciding he was going to go to the library. he stares at the copy of frenchman's creek on his desk, mind immediately flashing with thoughts of you. he feels the structure of the book cover with his finger, blinking as he weighs his options for a moment. he could go back to sleep, but he could also go to the library and entertain himself with more literature.

"i already got up anyway.." chenle mutters to himself, grabbing the book on his desk and the situated lamp on his desk. he doesn't mind the chills which course through his body, though it's cold, the cold is no longer a bother to him, he's much too busy thinking about books (and you) anyway..

when chenle leaves his room, he notices the halls aren't as dark as they were the other time he walked them when he went to the library the other night. he blinks into the halls, the air practically pushing against him the moment he leaves his room. chenle allows for himself to let out a weary breath, no one is around to watch him be vulnerable anyway.

as he steps out of his room, the floor of the old structure creaking under his feet, he feels a breeze of cold air rush past him, but for some unknown reason, he doesn't shiver.

chenle doesn't allow for himself to stand by and simply breath any longer, so, he takes himself down the hallway, his feet leading him to his familiar place of solace (well second most at least). he notices how the hallway seems to be more lit, he could see torches as he passed through the long corridors, eyes trained on the paintings which situated themselves on the walls.

there have always been paintings decorating the walls, paintings which dictate the many generations of the zhong family. chenle watched as a kid as an artist was appointed to paint him, father, and mother, a new painting to place on the timeline of the zhong dynasty which would extend across the entire palace.

as chenle spends more time thinking about it, it dawns on him, he's going to be displayed on the wall in a painting one day as the king. one day he's going to have to sit down with yinuo and their inevitable child as an artist uses several colors on a canvas to create a painting of the next zhong generation, and his eventual child is going to have to walk past it every time they make it through this expanse of a hallway.

chenle used to enjoy staring at the paintings, used to love watching the process of paintings being created, but now, with father gone, chenle can't bring himself to glance at the painting situated on the wall without feeling nauseous. every time he tries to look at it, a silent breath has to escape his lips, or else he feels like he's going to collapse onto the floor.

he developed a habit of speed walking past the final portrait in the hallway after fathers passing, he could never look at his face again after having to watch the life slowly fade away from his eyes. he can't even look at a photograph of his father anymore without wanting to throw up everywhere.

when chenle makes it to the library, having walked very fast past the last painting in the hallway, he pushes open the doors immediately, wanting so badly to escape the suffocating hallway.

when chenle does make it into the room, he's quick to close the door behind him, but he startles when he notices that someone else is in the room. he blinks and narrows his eyes at the figure in the room, then, he relaxes as he quickly realizes who it is.

it's you.

chenle feels himself calm in just the slightest upon knowing it's you in the room and not some other staff member. it's not that chenle has anything against the other staff, it's just.. it's different with you.

how many times does his mind have to conjure that up as an excuse?

chenle ignores the reprimanding voice, it's one he vaguely recognizes, it's not his voice, it's a distant voice that he thinks he could recognize if he focused hard enough.

but he can't, because you notice him, seemingly reading his thoughts as you turn back to make eye contact with the crown prince. "hi".

"hi" chenle replies easily, it's awkward, of course it's awkward, it's the middle of the night. his eyes dart away from yours, immediately scouring the library. you allow for yourself to snicker at his lack of attention on you, and he notices, now staring dead at you. "what?"

"nothing nothing" you mutter, dismissing it with a wave of your hand. chenle wants to ask about it, but he doesn't, just looks down at the floor. "how was it?"

"huh?"

"the book" you clarify, glancing down at the copy of frenchman's creek chenle has in his hands. chenle quickly feels his face heat up, of course you were referring to the book, what else would you be talking about? the air in the room? his walk down the halls? how he's doing? you patiently wait for his answer, flipping through a book in your hands as you let out a sigh.

"oh uh— it's a surprise, that's for sure, i didn't expect to enjoy it as much as i did, i didn't enjoy the ending, though".

you raise an eyebrow, but a smile comes to your face. "why not?"

chenle finally unfreezes and steps closer to you, the book tucked in his arms as he stands beside you, your shoulders lightly brushing against each other. your eyes finally gaze over at his, and when the two of you make eye contact, it's brief. chenle blinks, and he allows for his lips to turn up, he thinks you look very pretty in this moment, the lighting of the library emphasizing your features.

beautiful, he's beautiful, chenle, a voice sings in his head, a voice which is, again, familiar, but he can't exactly determine who it is.

"i wanted dona and jean to get their happy ending, i was rooting for them".

you hum, seemingly expecting that answer, your eyes shift towards the shelf before you, focused on the books which litter it. "well, i like to think it's realistic, it's not often that people get their happy endings, even if they do deserve it".

chenle takes in your words, it seems like such a you thing to say. "i would've preferred if they did have a happy ending, though, it's why i read fiction in the first place".

"you read fiction because..?"

"it's like an escape from reality".

the words make you pause, and for a second, chenle thinks he must've said something wrong, he can't read the look on your face. he blinks up at you, your silence taking him off guard. "i mean, i guess that makes sense".

you seem to want to say something else, you seem to have a lot of thoughts on your mind, but you don't disclose any of them, just smile. "so, did you like the book?..your highness".

you hesitated before saying it, and chenle knows you wanted to say his name, but you stopped yourself, as always. he feels his gut curl in an uncomfortable way, and he clears his throat.

"y/n?"

"yes?"

chenle takes a deep breath. "were friends" he states immediately, and he notices the way you begin to avoid his eyes, looking everywhere but at him. "were friends, we've known each other since we were seven, you can call me by my name".

the truthful statement makes you pause, and you begin to scour your mind for excuses. "i can't call you by your name, your a noble and i'm a—"

"that's an order".

your mouth closes immediately, you can't argue with that, you can't really argue with anything chenle says. chenle seems pleased by his victory, a small smile showing on his face. you quickly scoff, turning your head away from your childhood friend. "of course you can just do that".

"i just.. it doesn't matter if you work here, your my friend, you can call me by my name".

"alright then, your— chenle, did you like the book?"

chenle chuckles lightly, oh he loves the way you say his name. he remembers when you were younger, you'd always pronounce his name wrong, it frustrated you so much that you would just call him 'le' instead of his full name.

"i did, it was an enjoyable book, the plot made me crave more, i just.. i can't believe it ended like that".

"your still mad about it?"

"yes i'm mad about it! i need my happy ending for my pirate love story!"

you giggle at his words, you giggle, chenle can't believe it. he just made you giggle, in the dead of night, in the palace library, he made you giggle. you take the book away from his hands, placing it back between the other books in the romance section. "sadly, most love stories don't end that way".

chenle sighs, clicking his tongue. "i hate when that happens, i'd like to have just a little hope that true love actually works in the end.."

you chuckle again, shaking your head. "i never thought you'd be a fan of happy endings and stuff like that".

chenle raises an eyebrow, puzzled by the words. "why's that?" he asks, sounding just the slightest bit offended at the statement. you blink, and he guesses that you notice his tone of offense. you find it humorous, and chenle furrows his eyebrows this time.

"i don't know, i guess you struck me as the kind of person who'd enjoy bittersweet endings, you know, you seem to enjoy tragic love stories".

"i do enjoy tragic love stories" chenle makes sure to emphasize his point, and he quickly looks away from you. "but i also like when they have good endings, sometimes, love stories need their happy endings".

"that's cute" you comment, and chenle allows for a smile to come to his face. you didn't call him cute, per se, but it's still enough to make his cheeks go red. he should not be flustered, that's ridiculous, that's— he can't be flustered.

you don't mind his silence, instead walking over to another shelf to see what other books are there. chenle pokes his tongue against his inner cheek, watching you intently. the red dusting his cheeks doesn't go away, it just seems to amplify as you have your back towards him. "it's cute?"

"yeah, i can see where you're coming from, not all love stories need to be.. realistic, if it makes you feel better when the lovers have a happy ending, than who am i to judge?"

chenle rocks back and forth on his heels, letting out a small hum at your words. "so you're the kind of guy who enjoys tragic love stories with horrible endings?"

"on most occasions, yes".

you seem to finally find a book that you'll enjoy, because you pick one from the shelf and turn back to chenle. "so how are you feeling?"

"what?"

you merely glance at chenle, than glance back down at the book in your hands and read the synopsis on the back of it. "how are you feeling these days? you have a lot of new things being stacked on you now, you must be stressed out".

chenle allows for his jaw to drop in just the slightest, it's not like people don't ask him about how he feels, it's that he can't believe you noticed the mini battle he was having with himself. he can't believe you would even be concerned about how he was feeling, he felt like most people wouldn't care about what he was going through anyway.

"oh it's.." chenle pauses, truly not being able to actual formulate coherent words. "well it's a lot, but nothing i haven't been taught how to handle by father".

your face forms into an unreadable expression, one chenle hates because he doesn't exactly know what kind of expression it is. "they prepare you for things like this?"

"well.. mostly, but even with all the excessive lessons, it all kinds of goes to my head and makes my head spin, sometimes it feels like the palace is suffocating me, taking the air out of my lungs and leaving me helpless, sometimes— i don't know, i feel like i'm being swallowed by some horrible force which just wants to make me suffer, i'm not sure why i feel like this really but—"

chenle stops, clearing his throat as he quickly averts his gaze from yours. he has no idea where that vomit of words came from, but he feels if he continues talking, he's going to say something that he'll regret. you don't answer immediately, so chenle decides to speak up once again. "i'm sorry, i have no idea where that came from it's just.. i don't know, pretend i didn't say anything".

"don't apologize, it's good to talk about things like that once in a while, bottling everything up will just overwhelm you even more".

"it's just, i don't talk to people about things like this".

"why not?"

chenle shrugs, not really sure how to answer that question. "i feel they're sort of..unnecessary, i know i can't control how i feel but my feelings have never really felt important in most situations".

"they're important to me".

the words make chenle pause, his ears reddening and a sputter in his voice as he tries his best to respond to that statement. the words are so simple, but they have such a lasting effect on the crown prince that he can't really respond to them. you care, you care, he cares! that one inner voice screams in his head. he feels his heart begin beating sporadically, it's.. god he's so grateful for you. "oh.. uh, really?"

you smile, chuckling softly. "yeah they are, you shouldn't ever feel like they aren't".

chenle feels his stomach flip, you're so sweet. "i.. thank you, y/n".

chenle hopes you don't notice his red face as you spend the rest of the night conversing about several kinds of literature.

"ARE YOU NERVOUS?" CHENLE MAKES THE MISTAKE OF taking a weary breath when that question is asked. he hears the chuckle of amusement sound from his fiancée's lips, and he allows for a small smile to show on his face. "no" he responds, clearly lying, but yinuo doesn't seem to catch it, as he begins to pick at the fabric of her dress. he turns to her, noticing the clear anxiety she displays.

"i am" she responds, putting on her gloves and rubbing a scar on her knuckles. "i've never really been a big fan of.. crowds" she states, her tone exhibiting disgust as she says the word 'crowds'. chenle has been able to pick up on her habits pretty easily, he has spent much more time with her these days after all.

chenle hums at the response, he gets it, even as he grew up having to get used to these kinds of events, it never got easier. the pit in his stomach would often never cease, that nauseating feeling only heightened, and he could just barely mask the anxious expression on his face. "i get that, they're all too loud".

"i mean, do they really care about us that much? they can't just wait until the wedding.."

the sentence makes chenle snicker as he notices the mere irritation in her tone. "they all just want something to do, i guess" he mutters, pulling his sleeve over his wrist and repeating a reassuring mantra in his head.

it's nothing you haven't done before, chenle, just get it over with, and you'll be fine. chenle thinks if he focuses enough, he can hear his father's voice repeating the mantra to him in his head.

he caresses his wrist lightly, settling in the air of the room. he can hear the faint sound of people cheering outside, and just the sound is enough to make his stomach begin flipping, the anxiety is already heightening. "all that just to see us?"

"they want to see how in love we can look".

"seems unnecessary".

"it is unnecessary".

chenle laughs again, finally walking over to his fiancée and linking their arms together. he sighs, looking down at the floor. "you sure you're not nervous?" she asks once again, raising a curious eyebrow as she notices chenle's change in behavior.

"okay maybe i am a little nervous but that's besides the point".

yinuo laughs, humored by chenle's blatant honesty. he simply gives a small smile, turning to the door of the room and letting out another small breath. they have to face a crowd, a crowd of people who are here to see them and celebrate their totally real love, a crowd who are there to watch as they are confirmed future husband and wife, they're going to get married and have children that go on to take the throne, they have to look in love, they have to.. act in love.

chenle doesn't know how in love he can look, he might get too overwhelmed and throw up right then and there. just the idea of having to do all of this is enough to make him want to cry, and he never thought he'd ever think that, because he doesn't cry, he shouldn't cry, father taught him that enough through ear shattering yells and broken glass.

he hates feeling vulnerable, but in a moment like this, having to mask his feelings in front of a crowd of people who don't know any better, who probably don't care, vulnerability is his one true feeling.

he closes his eyes, taking another deep breath as he tries his best to ignore the anxiety settling upon him.

"chenle!"

chenle snaps out his anxious daze at the shout of his name, recognizing the voice as kun, who he remembers he forgot to greet this morning, as he was in a rush.

but it's not just kun, it's also you, and chenle almost falls to the floor and dies right then and there. kun has his fingers wrapped around your wrist, there's a smile on his face (and yours, chenle thinks your smile is so so pretty). "oh, hi kun, y/n".

look at both of them, chenle, not just y/n.

but for once, chenle doesn't listen to the reprimanding voice in his head.

he doesn't even check how in love with you he must look, just a few seconds ago he was freaking out over how he was supposed to look in love with the woman beside him, but he has no problem looking in love with you.

but he doesn't exactly realize that, too busy admiring you clear as day.

"i— we just wanted to wish you good luck" kun nudges you lightly, and you let out a small laugh as you look away nervously, a red hue tinting your cheeks as you avoid chenle's eyes. "both of you, your highness" he adds, bowing lightly at yinuo and nudging you so you can do the same.

yinuo just smiles, lightly laughing, but chenle is stuck in place, mesmerized by you and.. just you. "thank you, i have to say, everyone here is insanely sweet, i feel welcome".

"well that's my job, i can't have any future queens feeling uncomfortable".

the statement from kun makes you snort, and you shove him in the shoulder. you look away from him to glance at chenle, who is still lost in his mind, you furrow your eyebrows as you watch the cogs in his brains turn, what is he thinking so hard about?

"chenle" you call out.

seemingly snapping out of the trip inside of his mind, chenle looks up at you, hoping it isn't obvious that he's affected by your soft calling of his name. "good luck" you reiterate, a small whisper seemingly shared between only the two of you.

chenle feels his face heat up immediately, eyes widening at the sight of your pretty smile. "thank you, both of you, thank you".

chenle doesn't look over at yinuo when she gives him a weird look.

"right! again, good luck! y/n and i have to go do something right y/n?"

you seem to be puzzled by that comment, chenle determines that by the way your eyebrows furrow. "what? but i thought we were supposed to—"

"alright! good luck you two come on y/n let's go!" kun gives a quick smile and grabs your wrist again to drag you away from the newly engaged couple, who watch as you two make your way down the hall towards another part of the palace.

"weird.." chenle mutters.

"so what was that?" yinuo is quick to ask, making chenle snap his head towards her, clearly not expecting for her to ask him a question.

"what was what?"

"that, chenle" she reiterates, alluding to the little (not so little) lovesick gaze chenle had trained on you for that whole interaction. it's clear that, even with how chenle didn't check the adoration he was staring at you with, she definitely did. "you looked so smitten".

chenle allows for his expression to form into one of shock, what does she mean by that? what the fuck does she mean by that? that makes no sense, it's not like he's in love with you or anything, that would be absurd! that would be—

that wouldn't be entirely out of the picture, think about yourself chenle, the most shocking thing here would be you having no romantic feelings for him.

chenle is about to punch himself in the face for having such thoughts.

"i have no idea what your talking about".

"chenle, i know i don't know you personally like that, but i have never seen you look at someone like you look at him! what is his name? y/n? he has to have you under a spell or something, you were mesmerized".

chenle wants to say that those words are stupid, he wants to spit out some quick rebuttal and have them be on their way, but he can't muster up a coherent excuse for what she just described. how is he supposed to argue with that?

"well, y/n does know how to keep people on the hook".

"seems you enjoy being kept on the hook".

the statement makes chenle pause, and he feels his face burn once again, not at the words, but just at the thought of you, god he misses your presence already, is that weird to say? he's glad he doesn't say it out loud.

"it doesn't matter anyway, what am i supposed to do? tell him about it? not with how everything is turning out.. were getting married in a few months".

"but you're not in love with me" yinuo replies, she's sure of her words, she just knows, chenle almost feels like she's reading his mind. "you want him".

"i can't have him" chenle states as if it's a matter of fact, and it's true, he can't have you. it makes his heart hurt, the idea that even with how much he feels for you, how different it is with you, and how he's had these indescribable feelings for you since he was like eleven, he can't have you.

chenle can't run from his fate, the last thing he wants to do is break the rules, challenge a system that's been in place for pretty much decades at this point.

"you're not going to break the rules for true love?"

chenle just lets a disappointed sigh escape his lips, his stomach flips uncomfortably and he feels his head begin spinning, this topic makes him want to die in the worst way possible. "true love doesn't exist" he states rather harshly. god, he sounds like father, if seven year old chenle heard himself now, he'd grimace at the words and scowl at his new nature.

his heart aches as he utters those words, he can't help but think about you as he says those words.

good god, he feels so helpless.

"MOTHER, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?" NINE YEAR OLD CHENLE liked to ask questions. chenle has always liked to ask questions, being curious is in his nature, it's just that unlike jisung, he's less annoying about it. when this question popped into his nine year old brain, he knew there was no way he could ever ask father about it, he'd never be able to come back from it. mother has always been much more understanding, even with the stubborn statements she often spouted.

"yes you can, chenle".

"are.. well, can a noble and a commoner ever end up together?"

the question received silence from his mother, who, though she had previously been humming to a pleasant tune, seemed to freeze at even the idea of that question. the nine year old prince watched as his mother's face did at least seven expression changes in a matter of seconds. "could you elaborate on that question, dear?"

"can royalty marry non-royalty? could i ever be with someone who isn't royal like me?"

the reason nine year old chenle was so interested in asking this question was because of something kun had mentioned to him, about one of his cousins marrying into a royal family far far away. it got his mind turning in ways only a child's mind can, he never knew that could happen, he had grown to think that he would just end up with any other princess but could he really have a different fate? could he really change his future?

seeing as how things have gone now.. no, he couldn't.

"it depends on how it goes down, chenle".

"has it ever happened before?"

"of course it has happened" his mother finally answered, and the curious young prince allowed for his eyes to widen comically. oh he was so interested now. "in most scenarios when it does happen the commoner becomes a royal".

"i thought that was outlawed".

that statement got a laugh out of his mother, which made the nine year old blink dumbly. "it can't be outlawed, chenle, that would be ridiculous".

"so could i be with someone of a different class?"

"well, it depends on how it all works out".

chenle blinked again, the wording of the sentence confusing the young prince even more. "would father ever approve of something like that?"

she then went silent again, turning away from chenle to gaze at the bright blue sky. "i'm.. not sure, you know how unpredictable he is".

"well that's why i didn't ask him this".

another chuckle sounded from his mother, and at nine years old, chenle didn't know what was more shocking, knowing that he could possibly not have to be forced into a marriage with a princess from a faraway kingdom, or knowing that his mother didn't really have an issue with that.

too bad he didn't try to use any of that childlike courage to get his point about this marriage across.

when the little parade celebrating his marriage is over, chenle finds himself immediately on his way somewhere. he doesn't know exactly where he was going, his feet seem to have control over themselves, and he can't exactly stop himself from walking.

oh, he knows where he's going.

his feet lead him to a familiar place, your office. throughout that whole.. gathering thing or whatever, he couldn't stop thinking about you. he usually can't stop thinking about you these days, just talking to you is enough to entertain his mind for weeks, surely that can't be normal, right?

"y/n?"

chenle's sudden call startles you, seeing as how you jump from your previous position at the sound of it. he just sort of stands there awkwardly, allowing for you to compose yourself as you smile at him. oh you're smile is so pretty, chenle could stare at it for hours. "oh lord, you scared me! your highness".

chenle doesn't even register the title, just gives a small smile. "sorry i'm just.." he pauses, trying to collect his words. "i don't know, actually, i just kind of came here on a whim" he shrugs, looking down at the floor and not straight at you.

you simply let out a silent chuckle, turning back to your desk and going back to packing. chenle blinks, biting down on his bottom lip as he clears his throat. "oh really? is something bothering you?"

chenle allows for himself to look up again, your back is turned now anyway, so you can't see his rapidly reddening face. "a lot is bothering me, really, it feels like i can't do anything these days without feeling like the world is slowly tearing me apart limb by limb".

"well that's certainly a way to explain your feelings" chenle can't tell how you feel about the whole thing from the tone of your voice, it's something that makes him worry, because he's anxious your making fun of him and he won't be able to tell.

much to his own surprise, you turn around and step towards him. "are you feeling alright? like— physically at least?" you ask, tilting your head to the side to get a better look at him. just your eyes on him is enough to have chenle's stomach doing cartwheels, he hopes you don't notice how flustered he is, that would be extremely embarrassing.

"yeah i'm not dying or anything i'm just.. i'm overwhelmed".

well you'd expect that from someone like chenle, someone in such a position of power. chenle is a crown prince set to be king, he's getting married in a few months (that fact makes your heart hurt for a reason you can't explain), he's the next ruler of the zhong dynasty, of course he is feeling overwhelmed.

"ah well that's expected" you laugh lightly. "you have no symptoms though?"

is my clearly reddening face a symptom? my fluttering stomach? my seemingly labored breathing? why can't you tell i'm madly in love with you yet!?

the screaming voice in his head is just as annoyed as chenle is at his current circumstances. you narrow your eyes as you stare at him, and for a moment, chenle thinks you might be reading his mind, but he quickly dismisses such thoughts because that's ridiculous.

"no, no symptoms, i'm alright".

you seem to want to ask for more reassurance, but you don't, instead shutting your mouth and smiling at chenle. "good, i can't have you dying".

"you'd never let me die".

"you're right about that".

chenle looks down at the floor, determined to not make eye contact with you. "where are you heading?"

chenle only realizes then that you're packing your stuff, he didn't even note it down when he stepped into the room and saw that you were doing it, he was much more focused on just beginning a conversation with you, he was much more focused on talking than observing.

you hum, giving him a mere glance then looking back down to the small set of items you were packing. "i'm going to visit my mother".

chenle blinks, the words coming as a small surprise to him. "why? is she alright?"

you quickly glance back up to give him a reassuring smile. "just doing a routine check up, and it's nice to visit your mother once in a while, i need to make sure she's doing well".

chenle responds with a small 'ah', watching as you continue to pack, he feels his stomach churn uncomfortably once again, if he stays in this castle any longer, he might die from the walls which seem to slowly be pushing the air out of his lungs.

"can i come?"

chenle has no idea where that came from, it's like he had no control over his own thoughts or words, he blurted that out in a moment of vulnerability, a moment of.. wanting. he can't stay here any longer, he might die. you now fully look at him and furrow your eyebrows, clearly as puzzled as chenle is by the words. "what?" you chuckle lightly, and chenle feels his face burn immediately.

"i'm sorry, i don't even know where that came from i'll g—"

"no no you can.." you pause for a moment, collecting your words. "you can tag along if you want to i just— i don't know, you can leave the castle?"

"well yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to take me with you i don't even know why i asked that in the first place".

"chenle" you say softly, and just you saying his name like that has chenle's knees feeling weak. how did he deny his feelings for you for so long when you have him feeling like this? he's almost positive you can notice how flustered he is now. "if you want to come visit her with me, you can".

chenle stares at you for what seems like years (in his eyes), contemplating whether he should take your offer. your basically holding your hand out to him, begging for him to take it, for him to intertwine his fingers with yours. how could he ever turn down such a proposition?

"i— okay".

"okay? so you'll accompany me?"

"yeah, yes yes! i will" he replies much too enthusiastically for his own liking, you seem to catch on, as you laugh at his sudden shout. if your laugh wasn't so pretty chenle would've immediately turned away and replied with some snappy rebuttal.

"nice" you whisper, finally finishing your packing. chenle watches you intently, he can't exactly speak at the moment. luckily, you speak up once again. "we have to do something, though".

"what?"

you catch chenle's puzzled expression, and you laugh once again. "a disguise, just so you don't cause an uproar while we go visit my mother".

for the first time this whole entire day, chenle lets out a small laugh, amused by the words which escape your lips. "were gonna sneak around?"

you snicker, looking down at the floor. oh you're adorable, chenle shouts it out in his head, he can't tell you face to face so he'll shout it there.

"yeah, guess you could say that".

though he's just the slightest bit skeptical, chenle trusts you, and a smile crosses his face.

CHENLE DIDN'T REALLY THINK HE'D HAVE as much fun as he does sneaking into the village with you. well it's not really sneaking, you live here, you've grown up here, you just had to put him in some totally not suspicious cloak so that he doesn't draw attention when you make it outside of the castle. he almost fell on his face when you dragged him out of the palace gates, because of the way you dragged him, and because you started holding his hand.

chenle feels like a girl obsessing over a boy crush, just you holding his hand is enough to make him begin overthinking the whole thing in his head. according to you, you had to hold his hand to make things seem more natural, but he suspects that you're lying because of how red your face is as you try to avoid eye contact with him.

chenle has only really been to the village a few times in his whole life, though he's had his fair share of experiences here as a child, he never got to stop and observe his surroundings, much too busy trying to settle his anxiety while watching all of the people in the crowd burn holes into his head with their stares.

chenle has always been fascinated by the lives of others, whether it be the stories kun told of the urban legends village kids would spread, or the many times he begged the staff to take him on carriage rides throughout the kingdom as a child. he likes seeing situations through other people's eyes, the life of citizens who don't live as royalty seems like nothing far from the fictional stories he reads in the books in the library.

"you almost pulled off my arm, that was totally suspicious!" chenle whisper-yells, but it's not a shout of seriousness, it's playful, the beginning of a banter.

"oh i'm sorry your highness! do you need medical attention?"

chenle feigns an offensive gasp at the sarcastic comment from you, which results in nothing but a snicker from you as you nudge him with your shoulder. he caresses the back of your hand with his thumb unconsciously, ignoring his clearly heating cheeks as he performs the action.

"do you still live in the same place you grew up?"

"hm? oh yeah, we could never really afford to get another place, it's become a super comforting place for me.."

"ah, i see".

chenle admires your face for much longer than he was supposed to, and if you notice, you don't seem to care enough to comment on it.

chenle allows for his eyes to roam freely around the expanse of a town. it's a pretty place, even with how tiny it seems, he feels much more relaxed here than in the large palace he grew to know as a home, the palace was really in the middle of nowhere, no fellow citizens around for him to make connections with or whatever. this town is the clear definition of community, the kind of place where everyone knows everyone.

"oh y/n! y/n!"

chenle startles from his thoughts when a shout rings in his ears, you snap your head towards the figure, a figure chenle can tell you recognize because you give them a smile, he opts to stay silent in this interaction. "hi tao, how is ying doing?"

the man smiles brightly at you, pulling you into an abrupt hug, making your fingers slip from chenle's. you squeak as he squeezes you in his arm, but you manage a smile, resisting the urge to glare at chenle as he silently snickers at your suffering. "she's recovering well! thank you so much, i don't know how i could ever repay you!"

"there's no need to" you smile softly again, finally able to remove yourself from his crushing grip, you rub your aching arm and awkwardly chuckle. "i just enjoy helping others, i'm glad she's feeling better, tell her i said hi".

"will do! thank you so much!"

the guy gives one last smack on your shoulder before walking off, and chenle has to resist the urge to laugh loudly as you wince from the strong grip who had been squeezing you to death with that hug.

"are you enjoying my misery, your highness?"

chenle can barely contain his laugh as he looks over at you, being met with your deadpanned gaze. he looks down at the floor to stop his giggling, making you frown. "no, it was just too hilarious not to laugh at".

"uh huh, you're sooo funny".

though you were clearly irritated by chenle's laughing fit, you only softly smiled at him trying to hide his laughter. you reach over to take his hand once again, just playfully glaring at him. "yeah continue laughing at my suffering, we still have to make it to my mother's house".

chenle, again, gets jolted forward by a strong tug on his hand, but he doesn't say anything more, just snickers as he sees the pure dedication in your eyes. he smiles as he sees the look in your eye, you're just so adorable.

when you abruptly stop, chenle bumps into you, and your fingers slip from his, an action which makes him frown in just the slightest. he likes holding your hand, he has no idea why, but he does.

you begin digging through your bag for your house key, and chenle simply watches, listening to you hum the tune of a song, one you always hum the tune to whenever you find yourself bored. "here" you whisper, victorious in your search for your keys. you quickly unlock the door and gesture for chenle to follow you in with nothing but the tilt of your head, he silently steps into your childhood home, a comforting feeling in the air as he closes the door behind him.

while you drop your bag onto a nearby table and begin looking through it again, chenle slowly removes the cloak he had been wearing as he observes his surroundings.

the place is nice, small, but nice. it has a comfortable sort of air that makes chenle want to immediately relax, it's not the fanciest place, or the biggest place, but it's a home, a comfortable, quiet home. chenle would love to live here, maybe in another life, a life where he doesn't end up born into a highly respected royal family, he just gets to live like this, it's a place that seems to bring a feeling of solace.

chenle glances over at you, your eyebrows furrowed as you continue going through your bag. you seem to sense his eyes, because you glance up at him and you meet his eyes. you blink, then glance over at a door across the room. "you can go see her if you want".

chenle awkwardly chuckles as he glances at the door your eyes were on, he then glances back at you. "i— can you come with me?"

chenle just wants to stay around you.

you stare puzzled for a moment, but you don't question it, you leave your bag alone and gesture for chenle to follow you to your mother's room. chenle stays silent the whole way there, noticing the way your mood changes as you step closer to the door.

you knock on the door. "mom?"

when you open the door, you peak your head through, a small chuckle escaping your lips as you hear her say something. "yes yes i know, i'll remember to tell her, i brought a guest".

chenle slowly peaks from behind you, giving your mother a small smile. "hello" he greets softly.

your mother gasps, sitting up in her bed. "zhong chenle?"

chenle lightly chuckles, looking down at the floor, you nudge him with your shoulder. "oh my goodness, you've grown so much! come here give me a hug!"

chenle is almost surprised, he was afraid she was going to have a bad reaction to his presence, but she was much more excited to see him than he thought she would be. you push chenle into her room, motioning for him to fulfill your mothers wish.

she quickly wrapped her arms around him when he got close enough to her. her hugs are still as warm as he remembers, he almost wants to hug her forever and never let go. "how are things going these days? i wanted to go to that little parade of yours but y/n forbid me from doing so!"

"because you were vomiting all morning, i wasn't going to risk it".

she pulls away from the hug to grab both of chenle's hand, smiling softly at him. the smile reminiscent of the smiles she would share with him in the hallways of the palace when she used to work there. "you always worry so much" she raises an eyebrow at you before turning back to chenle. "how have you been these days?"

chenle smiles at her, noticing you leave the room, but too focused on answering the question from your mother to follow you. "i've been good, just a little stressed from everything happening lately".

her eyes widen again, and she nods excessively. "right! your getting married soon! how are you feeling about the whole thing?"

chenle's face falls just a little bit, but he quickly reverts back to a smile, not wanting to worry her with a random frown crossing his face. "it's all.. new, it'll take some time to get used to but i know i can get through it".

the older woman smiles at him, seemingly liking those words. "that's good, i'm glad you're still friends with y/n, he missed you".

chenle blinks, the words surprising him. "he missed me?"

your mother chuckles at the question. "yes he did, i remember watching the two of you run around the castle together as children, i was afraid the friendship wouldn't last, when i first resigned, y/n said he feared you two would drift apart".

chenle almost gasps at the information he receives. were you really worried about that? for the longest time he felt like such a bad friend because he began having no time for you as the two of you grew up, yeah that's what happens as people get older but he'd always see the flash of disappointment in your eyes when he had to be dragged away for another stupid royal meeting.

"i didn't know he felt that way, it's getting much more difficult to get him alone with everything going on".

"i heard you two are beginning to talk more, he always comes to me so giddy about it these days".

chenle is again surprised by the information he hears, a small laugh of disbelief escapes his lips at the words. "really?"

"yeah, he came freaking out over you two talking about books, books! you make him so happy, chenle".

the words strike chenle like a slap in the face, it's just so shocking to him he stands with his mouth agape for much longer than he'd like to admit. his face burns at the fact, at the idea that pops into his brain.

the idea that you might feel the same.. that you might reciprocate his feelings.

he swears smoke is going to begin pouring out of his ears from how heated his face has become.

"i'm glad i could do that, y/n is truly a blessing, i don't know what i'd do without him".

chenle thinks those must've been his truest words today, a look into what's really going on in his head, a look into how he really feels.

god it's always with you isn't it?

"it was nice seeing you again, mrs. l/n, i'm glad your recovering well".

at the word 'recovering', the older woman suddenly tenses, an anxious look in her eye as she looks away from the crown prince. "right, yes, thank you for visiting, chenle, it was nice seeing you too".

chenle smiles at your mother, nodding. "i'll leave you be now".

chenle slips his hands from hers, smiling one more time before leaving her room, gently closing the door behind him. he turns around and looks over at you, your still rummaging through your back, but chenle can tell you aren't looking for something, you seem to be trying to distract yourself.

"y/n?" chenle calls out, seemingly against his own will, because he's surprised by the sound of his own voice. you simply hum in response, not wanting to look him in the eye for some unknown reason. he quickly makes his way over to you, standing beside you and accidentally bumping your shoulders.

"is she really sick? i mean she looks fine! much finer than any sick people i've seen—"

"it's her kidneys".

you cut into chenle's sentence with a shaky tone of voice, you look over at chenle, sighing as you see the confusion cross his face. "her kidneys are failing, chenle".

chenle feels his heart drop upon hearing that, and you look away as you see his reaction to the news. "what? but how did that even happen—"

you let out a distressed sigh, gritting your teeth and closing your eyes. "she contracted lupus, right before she took that break back a few years ago, she recovered and we thought everything was fine but then she started vomiting every other day and i couldn't figure out what was wrong so we went to a doctor outside of the kingdom and.."

you look like you're about to cry, and you take in a deep breath to blink away the oncoming tears, but you persist, not wanting to break down in front of the crown prince. "she got diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, by that point she had been suffering from it for a whole five months! and what can i do? it's.."

incurable.

the word simmers into the air, it's unsaid, but both of you know what's truly going on. your both silent, none of you saying a word as silence quickly takes over the room. chenle finally takes the initiative and glances over at you, the tears brimming in your eyes threatening to fall at any moment.

still, you don't allow for yourself to become vulnerable in front of chenle, wiping the tears that haven't fallen from your eyes. "it's a lot to try and digest at once i'm just.. i'm not ready to see her go".

chenle gets it, anyone would get it, he stays silent, afraid of not being able to do the comforting as well as you do. "i'm sorry".

"there's no need to apologize, i mean— this is just how life works!"

"i hate that it works that way" chenle responds, fathers dying eyes flash in his mind, and he bites into his bottom lip so hard that it begins bleeding. god, he hates that memory, father only passed away no less than a year ago, and the image of his lifeless face still haunts chenle in his nightmares.

"yeah, but what can i do?" your clearly trying to be positive, but it's difficult for you to. "i'm just worried that one day i'll come home and she'll be gone.. i already had to go through it with dad and now— i don't know how i'll deal with it".

chenle stares at you, a small smile comes to your face as you glance back at him. chenle wants to cry just seeing you try to hold back your own tears, so he looks away from you quickly.

he then looks back at you, moving closer to you and taking your hand. "if you ever need someone to talk to, to vent to, to— yell and cry at.. i'm here".

you chuckle at the words, tears again welling up in your eyes. chenle feels you squeeze his hand, and he smiles softly at the sight of you. "really? you'll listen to my stupid ramblings?"

"yeah" chenle responds, nodding a little bit too enthusiastically, but he doesn't care. "i will, your feelings are just as important as mine, and you're my friend, it's what friends do".

you squeeze his hand, laughing softly again as you let a small tear slip down your face. "thank you, chenle".

"it's no problem, y/n".

CHENLE IS GENUINELY GOING INSANE, AND ITS ALL because of you. he can't focus on anything but you, and it's literally driving him crazy. he has never, never in his 21 years of living on this earth ever felt so much for just one person, what is it with you? he can't even think about you without his face turning a bright shade of red, his palms easily get sweaty and his words become nothing but a jumbled mess.

chenle finds it hilarious, how he was raised to be poised and proper, never swear, never talk when you don't have to, never interrupt others, sit like this sit like that, speak like this, speak like that, but right now, he's acting like a psycho more than anything.

he's pacing around his room like he just lost his mind or something, completely distracted from everything else as his mind is focused on you and you only.

he must look crazy, hair messy, clothes in disarray, pacing back and forth as he tries to figure out if feeling like this is normal, or even allowed here.

"chenle? could you explain to me why your mother wants— oh dear".

kun walks in midway through chenle's strange breakdown thingy, and the younger isn't even paying attention to him because he's screaming into the pillow on his king sized bed. the older watches in concern, and the breath chenle lets out is a mix of weary and frustrated. "chenle? what's wrong?"

kun drops the clipboard he'd previously been holding to rush over to the younger's side, if he focuses hard enough, he swears he can see tears welling up in chenle's eyes. "chenle.."

chenle sniffles, looking down at the pillow in his lap. "i'm in love with him, kun".

kun blinks, dumbfounded. "with who?"

"with y/n! i can't— oh my god i'm so stupid!" the crown prince grabs his pillow again and lets out a well needed scream of agony, a scream that makes kun sigh as he stares at the sight before him. "i don't get it! why does he make me feel like this!? everything is so complicated and i can't even do anything about it because i get married in two months—!"

"okay okay, calm down" kun is quick to cut in, pressing a quick thumb to his cheek to wipe away the tears. "take a deep breath, talk coherently".

chenle sniffles again, taking in another breath and then exhaling, collecting himself as he tries his best to think coherently. "i don't know, kun, it's all getting to my head, i want him so bad yet i can't have him".

and just the fact makes chenle stomach drop, he wants to start sobbing once again, but he contains his tears. "it's stupid i know—"

"it's not stupid, chenle, it's totally fine to have complicated feelings about things, and people, but you'll never have closure if you don't tell him how you feel".

"but what's the point, kun?" chenle doesn't see why it would matter anyway, what would you even do when he told you how he felt? would you grimace and push him away? would you accept his confession? what would you do? it's all he can think about. "what difference does it make?"

"it gets the pressure off your back.. and, if it's any consolation for you, both you and y/n can finally come to terms with your feelings".

chenle's eyes widen at the words, they settle a new emotion on him he can't exactly explain. "what the hell do you mean by that?"

"language, your highness" kun jokingly reprimands, his tone reminiscent of his mothers scoldings whenever chenle would mess up the garden of roses on occasions. "y/n might've.. told me some things, but you'll have to ask him about that".

"that isn't fair!"

"it is! you have to ask him yourself, it's the only way to get yourself in order!"

chenle deadpans at his older friend, but kun just snickers at his expression, lightly shoving his shoulder. "don't look at me like that, you know i'm right".

chenle would roll his eyes, but kun does have a point. "maybe i'll listen to you.."

"you should".

chenle has to resist the urge to roll his eyes at that response too.

CHENLE THINKS YOU LOOK EXCEPTIONALLY PRETTY when you read. it's not that you're not usually exceptionally pretty, it's just that he enjoys admiring your profile as you read, eyes narrowed, eyebrows furrowed, lips occasionally parting in shock, he could stare for hours. he might look creepy on a few certain occasions, but you rarely ever notice.

chenle doesn't know how many times the two of you have been up together late in the night, just sitting in the library talking about literature. he doesn't even remember what your talking about most of the time, but he loves talking to you about bullshit pertaining to the books your both into.

for the both of you, books are sort of an escape in a way. chenle enjoys indulging himself in worlds of fiction to distract himself from his mess of a life, and you enjoy indulging yourself in messy love stories with terrible endings to distract yourself from your own issues in life.

it's all truly a coping mechanism for you two.

you both are a coping mechanism for each other, chenle finds it all simpler around you, and you feel as if you don't have to be so professional around him anymore.

chenle doesn't sleep much these days, but that's because he's spending most of his nights in the library with you. he likes listening to you talk, the way you simply piece together your words is amazing.

"and it was so sad! i cried my eyes out for weeks after reading that!"

chenle snickers at your whining, and you caress the material of the book in your hands. "i mean.. the book is literally called, they both die in the end".

"i know! i know! but that doesn't mean it's still not sad" you frown, recalling the ending of the book you were rambling about.

you quickly stop your pouting and make your way over to another part of the library, the section including romance books. chenle doesn't follow you, but his eyes surely do, he makes sure to keep them trained on you, as if you'd disappear if he even looked away from you for just a moment.

"do you want any more recommendations? or..?"

"oh, no no no" chenle shakes his head. "i just—" he pauses, having no idea how to say the words without sounding like some weirdo who totally has a crush on you.

well he is a weirdo who totally has a crush on you, how hypocritical.

"i like listening to you talk".

you blink at his words, noticeably flustered at the way they came out. chenle takes your silence as you judging him, so he's quick to chuckle awkwardly and begin waving dismissing hands. "i didn't mean to say that i know it was weird and stuff—!"

"no no! it wasn't weird i'm just.. i'm not used to being told things like that, you're so unique with your words and i never know how to respond to them".

"oh.."

"yeah".

you click your tongue, and chenle simply stares. oh you affect him so much without doing anything, what is up with you? his ears are burning, he might collapse at the very moment.

what was that kun said again? you'll never get any closure if you don't just tell him how you feel. yeah, he isn't sure if he'll be able to do it.

"can i show you something?"

chenle's breath hitches against his will, he has no idea why he's nervous, why the hell is he nervous? it's just you, it's you, his friend since he was a child, his oldest friend, you probably know him better than he thinks you do.

you wouldn't do anything bad.

"is it terrible?" he raises an eyebrow, and you laugh. your laughter is pretty, so pretty. "well? is it?"

"no, just come here" you beckon chenle over to you with your hand, a hand he almost shies away from, but he can't shy away from you, so he steps closer, following you. he feels like a mind controlled puppet, your a magnet attracting him closer and closer until he presses into you.

you smile as you see chenle in your peripheral vision, your fiddling with something in your fingers. chenle furrows his eyebrows, having no idea what it is, he tries to look over your shoulder, but you quickly block his eyesight, much to his own dismay. "why are you hiding?"

"i'm not hiding! be patient, your highness".

your teasing tone of voice doesn't make it past chenle, but he doesn't stay anything, just keeps his mouth shut. you hum as you turn back to chenle, still fiddling with your fingers as you smile at the crown prince, who is puzzled by what you're doing exactly.

you then open your palm, extending it forward towards chenle, and his eyes widen at what he sees.

"what is..?"

"we— um.. remember that friendship bracelet i made for you when we were ten? the one you broke?"

chenle laughs lightly, his face burning. "yes i remember.."

"well, i kept mine, and because were.. you know, friends again, i remade it for you, if you want it of course!"

chenle stares at you, then he stares at the bracelet in your hand, and he can't resist the urge to smile. you're absolutely adorable, sweet, chenle really really really likes you. his silence makes you anxious, and you want to begin picking your fingers until they bleed.

chenle must realize it, because he immediately laughs, a hearty laugh, a lovely laugh. "y/n, i love it, it's so.. cute i can't— how long did it take you to make this?"

"well i was thinking about it for a while and i just barely finished this last night i just.. i don't know, i missed you, a lot" you say, your words a vomit of adoration, oh you're so adorable. "it was a brash decision really".

"you're so—"—cute—"sweet, really".

you again step closer to chenle, silently asking to have his wrist with the extension of your hand. he doesn't even think before placing his hand into yours, allowing for you to slip the bracelet onto his wrist. it fits perfectly. of course it does, chenle can barely stifle his giggle.

he feels so giddy.

you don't let go of his hand, and chenle doesn't move his hand either. he stares at the indirect act of affection, his hand gently placed upon your palm, a palm that you aren't moving. what are you two doing? what the hell is going on?

"y/n" chenle calls out, his voice barely elevated as he avoids eye contact with you. "what is.. what are we doing?"

"i don't know" you mutter, blinking. you don't even think before taking your free hand and intertwining it with chenle's other free hand, now your holding both of his hands, an action that has chenle's face reddening to amazing heights. "your hands are warm".

chenle simply looks away, basking in the feeling of your fingers laced with his. he likes holding your hand, it just feels right, your fingers intertwined with his, your hands placed on his.

"yours are cold".

the words are nothing but your observations of each other whispered into the air. it's a strangely intimate moment, you two are just staring at each other in the library, your short breaths can be heard in the silence of the huge room around you.

you sink your teeth into your bottom lip, then stare at chenle's. chenle blinks, he sees you, he sees what you're doing, but it doesn't seem like you're trying to be slick, you don't care, you are unashamed in your decision.

he isn't really sure how to feel about that.

you lean closer, much closer than chenle thinks he could ever handle. you give a small smile, and chenle wants to faint. he's holding your hands, your leaning close to him, and you look you want to kiss him.

and he wants to kiss you.

oh he wants to do it so bad.

"may i?" you ask, but you aren't looking chenle in the eyes, your staring directly at his lips. chenle almost chokes on his spit, are you really asking him if you can kiss him? do you really like him as much as he likes you? is he dreaming?

he stares like an idiot for so long that he almost looks frozen.

chenle nods wordlessly, but that's not good enough of an answer for you.

"verbal consent, chenle".

chenle wants to pull you into a kiss by force right now.

"yes! yes, you may".

you note his enthusiasm, enthusiasm that makes his face redden, he looks away from you, clearly embarrassed.

you chuckle silently, letting go of his left hand to take his jaw and turn him back towards you. then, you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips.

it's short, sweet, and ends in pretty much two seconds.

your cheeks are dusted red, and you immediately look away from chenle upon finishing your action. "that was stupid, right? i'm sorry! i don't know why i did that i jus—"

chenle doesn't let you finish, he grabs the back of your neck and smashes your lips together. you let out a small squeak of surprise, clearly not expecting the action, but you quickly relax into the kiss, sighing softly as you let an arm wrap around his waist, pulling him closer with your hand on his back.

it's.. nice, it feels right, chenle is relaxed. his heart isn't pounding uncomfortably, he doesn't feel that anxious pit in his stomach, his chest isn't tight, he feels like he can breath (ironic, really), and he doesn't want to burst into tears at his circumstances.

he feels good, he feels content.

god, it's always with you isn't it?

"wait wait, hold on" you pull away for air, pressing your forehead against chenle's as you gather your words. you chuckle awkwardly, looking down at the floor instead of at the crown prince in front of you. "sorry, i don't know how to feel about this".

chenle blinks up at you, and all you can see are his pretty eyes staring at you. you fumble through your speech, trying your best to be coherent even with the way he was staring. "i'm just.. i don't know, i have to check up on my heart levels and shit—"

chenle gasps loudly. "language, y/nie".

"you can't just say that after you literally took away my breath you.." you stop in your speech, snickering at the way you're acting, the red on your cheeks doesn't disappear, but chenle thinks he likes it that way.

"y/n" you look up as chenle calls your name again, now completely focused on him. "i.. i don't really know how to say this but i— i like you, okay? like a lot, not even just that i'm in love with you! it's.. complicated".

wow, so much for a smooth confession, chenle.

chenle narrows his eyes at the voice in his mind, it sounds like.. you?

you freeze at the confession, your whole body paralyzed as you try your best to process the words in your head.

"oh".

chenle can't tell how you feel by your tone of voice, but to him, it doesn't sound good.

CHENLE USED TO BE AFRAID OF ASKING HIS FATHER certain questions. he was unpredictable in the sense that chenle never knew how he'd react if he asked him a question as simple as what 1+1 was. when father was alive, chenle feared him, not because he was physically violent or anything, but because he was intimidating. the air temperature would lower whenever he stepped into the room, and the way his voice boomed when he talked was enough to have chenle shivering for weeks.

"father, may i ask you a question?"

"is it a stupid question?"

at thirteen years old, chenle was still as fearful of his father as he was back when he was seven, and he almost wanted to cry the moment his father responded to his question with another question. he swallowed his own spit, a feeling of anxiety immediately settling onto him. "well— i'm not sure.."

his fathers shoulders relaxed, and he hummed. "what is it, chenle?"

"why do i have to get married?"

the question was much more abrupt than chenle wanted it to be, and he clamped his mouth shut as soon as the words escaped his lips. his father stayed silent at the question, which didn't lessen his worries, it worried him much more than it should've.

his father then chuckled, he chuckled, and chenle almost let out a gasp upon seeing the sight. when was the last time he'd seen that happen? the sight was truly one to behold, he was amused, amused!!

"why are you so curious about that? you're way too young to be interested in stuff like marriage".

"i'm not that interested i just— i heard mother say something about it and i.. i don't know! i just want an answer".

his father turned back to him, an unintelligible expression on his face that chenle still doesn't understand even to this day. "let me ask you a question, chenle, do you want to get married?"

the question struck chenle as odd, but judging by his father's smile in the moment, the question was very much needed. the thirteen year old prince blinked, puzzled, but he didn't let the question linger in the air for too long, afraid of upsetting his father with his silence.

"maybe, in the future, when the time is right, with someone who i like, and know is a good.. person to me".

"person?"

chenle nodded, wordless as he tried his best not to shrink under his father's gaze.

"ah, i see".

chenle had no idea where he was trying to go with that question and statement.

"what kind of person?"

chenle was once again speechless at the question, he allowed for his eyes to roam around the room as he scoured his brain for an answer to his father's question. then, he spotted his answer, it was you, giggling with kun about a dumb joke as your mother rummaged through her work bag for something.

you caught his eye in the moment, smiling the sight of him as you waved, mouthing a small hi from where you were across the room.

chenle giggled at the sight, waving as well as he returned your greeting.

unfortunately for him, father noticed everything.

"oh? someone like y/n?"

chenle immediately snapped his head towards his father, beginning to sputter at the assertion from him. "y/n? what do you mean by that?"

his father merely glanced over at you, his lips unconsciously quirking up into a smile. "you seem to like y/n, the two of you are friends right?"

"yes, yeah we are".

"huh" his father clicked his tongue. "if you ever do get to decide who you want to marry in the future, let it be someone like him".

chenle choked on his spit, he had no idea how to respond to that. the words have stuck with him forever, even after father's death, even after his marriage to yinuo was confirmed, the words ring in his head whenever chenle does as much as look at you anymore.

it's been a week, a week, a whole entire seven days, and you have been avoiding chenle like the plague. literally. you see him in the halls and make a break for the nearest door, you catch his eyes randomly and you immediately look away. you don't smile, you don't stop to make small talk, you just turn your back and run away.

did he do something wrong? did you really not return his feelings? (no! that can't be true! why would you kiss him back if you didn't feel at least something for him?). chenle has no idea why you're suddenly avoiding him, but you are, and he has to figure out why.

so, when chenle finishes having a totally fun conversation with his mother, he makes a beeline towards your office, he knows your there, because you aren't anywhere else during the day usually. you don't visit your mother on tuesdays, chenle knows that very well.

he stops in front of the door of your office, a sudden anxious feeling taking over him. he raises his fist to knock, but then lets it fall, he instead turns the knob and opens the door to your office.

you don't perk up immediately at the sound of the door opening, mainly because your back is turned and your focused on cleaning up a rubbing alcohol spill. chenle doesn't say anything, the silence in the room practically swallowing him whole.

you still don't look back, simply humming. "did you leave something here, kun? are you going to nag me about cuts again?"

chenle keeps silent.

when you finally do turn back to look at chenle, expecting kun, you pause, an unreadable expression crossing your face. you clear your throat, smiling awkwardly as you tucked your hair behind your ear. "hi, your highness".

chenle's jaw clenches, what's with the sudden switch up? why aren't you calling him by his name anymore?

"hi, y/n".

another uncomfortable silence takes over the room, and chenle wants to die in that very moment. there's no playful banter, there's no snickering, you two aren't talking, this is one of the strangest things to ever happen to the both of you in your whole entire friendship.

you two always talk, even if it's just small talk, this random silence makes chenle anxious.

"did i do something wrong?"

judging by your reaction, that wasn't the question to ask. you simply chuckle, going back over to the spilled rubbing alcohol and finishing up with your business. "no".

"so what happened?"

"nothing happened".

"it doesn't seem that way, you've been avoiding me ever since.." chenle looks down at the floor, picking at his nails as he tries not to stare at you. "you know".

you hum, finally turning back to chenle again with the intention of making eye contact. chenle looks over at you, but not directly in your eyes, just at your face. "we can't, chenle".

"what?"

"we can't be.. we just can't, chenle".

chenle's eyebrows furrow. "you could at least elaborate on that".

"you know what i'm talking about, chenle" you grit your teeth, but you aren't frustrated by chenle, no, you seem frustrated by yourself. "you're getting married soon and i'm.. i'm nothing like you, this isn't right—"

"what makes you think that?" chenle cuts in, what is wrong with you? what the hell is wrong with you? is that really what you think? he's about to kill you. "are you embarrassed?"

"embarrassed? what? no! no! i'm literally the one who offered to kiss you i just.." you cover your face with your hand, letting a distressed groan escape your lips. "i don't want to be the reason everything goes wrong for you".

"is that really how you feel? is that really how you think i feel..?"

"chenle" you begin softly, your tone of voice making chenle's stomach flip. you close your eyes and clasping your own hands together. "i do like you too, i— love you, even, but we just can't be together".

oh. that's what it's about.

chenle sucks in a breath, he wants to shout at you, not because your making him mad, but because your right, and he knows it. he wants— no, he needs to break something, throw something against the wall in frustration, break a glass window. just anything to keep himself from having a full on mental breakdown from your very words.

"of course you would say that".

you scoff at his petty tone, but you sound more disappointed than frustrated. "your acting like i'm doing this on purpose, if things were different then maybe—"

"why can't we make it work now? huh? why does it have to be if things were different?"

"because you're getting married chenle! you— you're going to become king and i don't want to hold this over your head".

"you're so.. stupid! how is that all you've gotten from this situation?" now chenle is getting desperate, he wants you to change your mind, even if he knows it's unlikely that will actually ever happen. "you're not holding anything over my head and you're not going to make anything go wrong, i don't get it!"

"i'm being realistic.."

"how is that realistic?"

"because it's better than potentially losing my job! chenle! i have to take care of my mother, i can't afford to risk my position because someone thinks you're cheating on your fiancée with me".

your words sting, but they don't sting chenle, they sting you. your chest hurts, so you simply shake your head, sighing in defeat. your arms drop to your side and you turn away from chenle, gritting your teeth.

all chenle can do is give you a look of sympathy. "y/n—"

"chenle, leave it alone" you snap, yet you don't come off as annoyed, more upset. "i'd prefer if you'd leave".

you really just need to think, you just need to peacefully gather your thoughts without chenle in the room.

chenle wants to argue with you, to walk forward and take you by your arm, to grab you by your face and kiss you senselessly whilst telling you that he doesn't care about what anyone thinks.

but chenle obeys your wish, turning around and leaving the room.

KUN KNOWS CHENLE ALL TOO WELL AT THIS point that the younger is convinced that he's a mind reader. from his narrowed eyes to his silent snickers, he can always tell what chenle's feeling before chenle himself even does. back when they were younger, chenle assumed kun had to be some sort of supernatural being, possessing some kind of telepathic power or something, but as he's grown up, he realizes the older is just that observent.

case in point: chenle's current attitude.

"why do you keep sulking? they teach you not to do that at like.. age ten?"

kun's comment doesn't receive it's usual rebuttal from chenle, it simply gets silence, silence that kun hums at. he resists the urge to roll his eyes, standing beside the stubborn crown prince. "okay, tell me what happened".

"what?"

"there's no use in pretending that you don't know what i'm talking about, chenle, what happened?"

kun has always been assertive in this sense, chenle finds his power to be absolutely shocking. maybe, in another universe, their roles are reversed, kun would make a better ruler than chenle ever could anyway.

"i'm an idiot, kun".

the statement results in kun letting out a strange sound, a sound of complete confusion. he then raises an eyebrow, one that makes chenle want to dig a hole and die in it forever. "what is that supposed to mean?"

chenle scowls, covering his face with his hands as he resists the urge to claw his own eyes out. he lets out a groan as your face flashes in his mind, oh he is so stupid, why couldn't he just be fearless? why does he have to be such a coward?

why couldn't he be brave for you?

"i— god, i confessed to y/n but i even managed to mess that up and now we're on bad terms.."

kun goes through seven expression changes as he processes the information. "what? what are you saying?"

"he just told me the situation like how it is" he grits his teeth, looking away from the older. "we can't be together no matter how much we want to, i'm getting married and he can't risk losing his job and.. i have to go through with the marriage".

"who says that?"

"my mother, kun" chenle sighs, feeling as if he just got punched in the gut. "i don't want to put too much on her shoulders, a marriage like this has been planned for me for who knows how long and she's clearly not her best considering father didn't pass that long ago and.." a groan leaves his lips, a sour taste in his mouth. "this will make her happy, i just want her to be happy".

kun stares in silence, clicking his tongue. "have you ever tried to prioritize your happiness?"

chenle sighs. "we're not starting this again kun—"

"no, we are going to start this again, you have to think about if you're happy before ever going through with a marriage, marriage is a legally binding thing! you're gonna be in a union with this woman until you die! are you really happy with that?"

chenle opens his mouth to speak again, but it falls shut. he can't really respond to that. 

all of his life he grew to believe that he'd eventually get used to arranged marriages and the idea of having to warm up to his partner. all royalty have to do it, it's just apart of the process. heck, chenle is the result of an arranged marriage himself, why would he ever challenge it when it was always the most likely outcome?

it's different because it's you. chenle can't possibly think about going through this marriage at all now that he's realized how he truly feels for you, it's not right, he shouldn't, he can't.

you're a terrible liar, chenle. at the end of the day, you will go through with this marriage, it's all too risky to not.

"i.. no, i'm not" chenle finally responds, his voice a mix of disgusted and frustrated. "i just— i always thought it was supposed to be this way, i don't want to just.. do it differently".

"well why not?"

"because this is for the good of my future, for yinuo, for my mother, to test if i can live up to the ruler my father was".

chenle bites his inner cheek, suddenly feeling nauseous. he closes his eyes, not wanting to face kun's gaze.

the older simply sighs. "i can't make you do anything you don't want to, chenle, but don't make a decision you know is going to leave you unhappy, i'd hate for you to be stuck in an uncomfortable position for the rest of your life".

and with that, kun turns and walks out of the room. chenle doesn't open his eyes until he knows kun has left the room.

the words ring in his head all day.

WHEN CHENLE WAS ELEVEN, YOU TAUGHT HIM about the several constellations that appear in the night sky. you taught him their names, how they form, what they represented, and your thoughts on them. you always had a thing for those luminous balls of gas in the sky, something about them always left you so intrigued, waiting for the next time they would show up so you could drag chenle out in the middle of the night to see them with you.

tonight, andromeda is in the sky.

it's never been a favorite of yours, more one of chenle's favorites, but he knows you'll be outside, staring at the aligned stars in the sky. he takes kun's words into account, and wishes his mother a good night before turning on his heel to make his way towards a familiar place of comfort.

the rose garden, of course.

the best thing about the rose garden is that it has the cool glass roof you can see the sky through. it was an addition that was only made a few years ago, one last hurrah for mrs. qian before her eventual retirement.

chenle spent a lot of time reading about constellations, all the information he learned he would relay to you. he loved seeing how interested you were in the information you already didn't know, your eyes would widen comically and then they would light up.

constellations have always been special to me, you told chenle once. they remind me of dad, he's the one who taught me about them, i like to think that he's now become apart of cygnus.

chenle was surprised by your way of grieving, but he couldn't exactly blame you. you liked to think your father became one with the stars, and you'd always be especially excited when cygnus appeared in the sky.

when chenle steps into the rose garden, he isn't surprised to see you already there, lips parted in surprise as you stare up at the sky through the glass rooftop. you don't notice him immediately, but when you do, you smile. "hi".

chenle bites down on his bottom lip, but he steps forward anyway. "hi".

you put your head down, then turn to chenle with an unreadable expression on your face. "i missed you".

chenle allows for himself to lightly chuckle at the fact. "you're the one whose been ignoring me all this time".

your shoulder slump, a small sigh leaving your lips as you rock back and forth on your heels. "i do realize that was pretty.. rude of me, i just needed time to think, i was probably going to have a breakdown if i didn't collect my thoughts".

chenle nods, pressing his lips together in a thin line. an uncomfortable silence passes through the air in the room, and you glance up again to examine andromeda once again.

"i'm sorry".

you snap your head over at chenle. "for what?"

"for yelling, and for calling you stupid" chenle looks away from you, ashamed of himself. "you were just being realistic and i was.. i wasn't thinking clearly, like an idiot".

"don't say that" your voice is so soft, it probably feels like clouds. "i get where you're coming from, just saying those words made me sick.." you pinch the bridge of her nose, and chenle can't stop his head from turning so that he can stare at you. oh your side profile is so pretty, chenle could admire it for hours. "i'm sorry, chenle, you probably felt like your feelings didn't matter in the moment and that was so terrible of me to do, romantic feelings or not, you're my friend, and i care about how you feel, i shouldn't have dismissed you like that".

chenle can't resist the urge to smile, his lips turn up much too quickly, but of course they do, because it's you, it's always with you. chenle has never felt such a way for another human being in his life, but he guesses your whole relationship must've been planned by the universe or something.

"you're so.. stupid" chenle reiterates, but it's said much more affectionately than the last time. "you have always considered my feelings, you are literally one of the sweetest people i know, don't apologize for thinking about yourself for once, your job is much more important than our.. relationship thing".

you pause at the words, shaking your head as a small snicker falls from your lips. "i love you, chenle".

oh.

if chenle didn't have any self control, he would've done a trust fall right then and there. he wants to faint onto the floor and never get up. hearing the words from you makes him exceptionally giddy, you make him happy, you make him so happy, oh chenle is so glad to have you in his life.

happy ending or not, at least he finally knows what you feel for him.

"i love you too" he whispers, his voice getting stuck in his throat, the shock doesn't wear off that quickly, unfortunately. you reach over for his hands, intertwining your fingers with his. it feels so right, chenle could just be like this forever, and everything would be fine.

as long as he's with you, everything will be fine.

you hum at the response, a red color dusting your cheeks. you could just barely stifle your giggle, and it's simply amazing to chenle. you're just as giddy about him as he is about you.

oh chenle loves you so much.

you look up at the sky once again, eyes lighting up at the sight of the aligned stars. "andromeda has always been your favorite, right?"

chenle wants to faint, you remembered. "yeah".

you smile, your smile is beautiful.

you're a desperate man, zhong chenle.

he can't exactly disagree with that.

"you have good taste".

"you flatter me too much".

you finally looks back down, snickering as you squeeze chenle's hands. you lean forward and press a kiss to chenle's lips, it's simply a peck, but chenle loves it. "you deserve it".

chenle wants to squeal like a teenage girl with a crush, you're so cute, you're so adorable, he loves you, he loves you so much.

maybe you can't make it work now, not in this universe at least, but there could be another universe, another timeline where it does work, where it doesn't have to end like this.

chenle is upset it can't be this universe, but this is just how life works. knowing that he can't change his fate, knowing that he will go through with this marriage, knowing that he probably has no true shot with you is all upsetting, but he'll learn how to deal with it, at least you're still by his side.

at least your still in his life, he's grateful for that.

and when he sees you giggle once again, his heart warms. as long as you're happy, that's all that matters.

[intheshadowsbehindyou]

If you can, can you do medic with a s/o who is a werewolf and shows signs of it and tries to hide it? ty :3

Medic TF2 With a S/O who’s a werewolf

Warning: german “person”

Medic:

- What do you think he is? stupid? Medic knows something is wrong. He always does. Sickness never hides from him. Whether this be out of desperation to keep his job or genuine passion is ultimately up for debate. But nonetheless he keeps you alive, and he makes sure to angrily assert the fact that you’d rather have it stay that way.

- What are you hiding?! Surely it can’t be that embarrassing. If you die from an untreatable disease he can just revive you with his kritz medigun. An STD maybe? for some reason he assumes that’s what it is and why you won’t tell him. You feel like banging your head on the wall when he asks you that multiple times.

- Whenever he calls you a good boy/girl/baby you perk up and look at him with big beady eyes. He’s overall quite in awe how much you fit the “my partner is a Labrador” stereotype. Are you into petplay or some shit??? Don’t ask why horny thoughts crossed his mind. He doesn’t know either. Stop chewing on the end of his lab coat. He JUST had that tailored. NO HE WONT THROW HIS FUCKING UBERSAW FOR YOU???!!!

- Begins to grow concerned after there are random bouts of hair in his lab. Usually it’s only white feathers he finds. He runs the hairs through his microscope to check the patterns. That’s weird.. this is dog hair. It’s around the season that certain breeds begin to shed. He takes his eye away and puts his head in his hand. Did scout bring in a dog or some shit and refuses to show the others?

- You begin to grow anxious. He’s insisting on checking the hairs on your head.. Somehow you work your way around it.

- Medic keeps hearing howling every month and it’s left him wide awake. Because he knows full well that grey wolves aren’t native to new mexico, and he KNOWS what a coyote sounds like. Thats not a coyote. The poor doctor is staring at the ceiling all night and getting little sleep because of this. He’s not too worried about the possibility of being mentally insane (Because he believes he already is) but this is truly getting concerning at this rate. I mean come on. Grey wolves in the fucking desert? It must be a stray wolfdog that someone left out.

- Stares blankly at the large claw marks on the base walls for an uncomfortable amount of time… Maybe a bit of contemplating the smashed door too.

- Medic overall wouldn’t be too shocked to find out. If anything he’d be simply marveled, amazed and run intrusive studies on you. Properly diagnoses you with lycanthropy probably and offers to create a cure if you really want it gone. Now he’s going to (lovingly) make fun of you for this forever and ever. You’re honestly the least insane thing to happen to the mercs. Shit like this happens every halloween.

- Speaking of halloween, it’s quite fascinating that you maintain your form during this time for an elongated period just until scream fortress ends. Medic isn’t too thrilled about this however.. it’s going to take some time to get used to the fact he’s kissing a giant wolf.

[that-one-enby-ranger]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROGER TAYLOR

It is Roger Meddows Taylor's birthday today so of course I have to make it all of yours problems and yap about it.

We've gotta start off with how talented this man is. He is the KING of drummers in my eyes and will always be. Watched a full concert today to celebrate, and I was just focusing on how fast he could move, and he wasnt always looking at the drums. And his little solo in the Montreal concert and I was staring at him and oh my gosh he can move fast. He looked tired afterwards. And his voice is amazing in its own unique way. I love it. I love listening to live songs and looking out for his baking vocals. I died everytime. My favourite song to hear live is Crazy Little Thing Called Love just because of Roger's rEaDy FreDdIe 🤠. I die every single time I hear and go insane you don't even know. His backing vocals are just *mwah* CHEF'S kiss 🤌.

And his high pitched screaming in In the Lap of the Gods is amazing. Theres a video of Roger Taylor blessing your ears for an hour and a half and it's just him screaming in that song and it really does bless your ears.

Plus he's got solo albums. And unless I'm horribly wrong, he has the most solo albums out of the entire band. I don't have a favourite album but a couple of my fav songs are The Key, Man on Fire and Strange Frontier.

He's written lots of hits and great songs including Radio Gaga, A Kind of Magic, One Vision, These are the Days of Our Lives, The Invisible Man and of course, I'm in Love With My Car.

Then there's the underrated songs that I love like Drowse, Action This Day, Ride the Wild Wind and others that I forgot and I cant be bothered to look up.

He also studied dentistry in uni. I don't know if he would have actually ended up being a dentist if he hadn't joined. But just think if he did.

THIS MAN RIGHT HERE COULD HAVE BEEN YOUR DENTIST SHOVING HIS HANDS IN YOUR MOUTH.

I just watched a video while writing this called the genius of Roger Taylor and they talked about how good he is on drums and used drum talk that even though I play drums, I haven't been playing long enough to understand, so they go into more depth on how talented he is on the drums. Its called The Genius Of Roger Taylor by Drumeo.

And you've gotta talk about his heart warming lyrics.

"With my hand on my grease gun,

Ooooo it's like a disease son."

Magical.

And what makes that even better is that sometimes during concert he would mix the lyrics around, whether on accident or purpose, I don't know, but he would say "with YOUR hand on MY grease gun." Life changing.

But seriously you wanna know some good lyrics listen to the whole of These Are The Days of Our Lives. And then try not to cry.

Moving on from talent, we gotta talk about some more amazing things about him.

He's a funny little boy. Watch some clips of him and you'll see what I mean. I don't care if you don't agree with me, I know he's a funny little boy.

"He threw my best fucking pair of maracas. Great sounding maracas, took me HOURS to steal them, and he just..." I can't write the next part without it seeming like it's a roleplay because it's a motion he makes of throwing stuff away in the air.

Anyways, it was his idea to dress up in drag for the I Want to Break Free video and that was one of his best ideas ever. Rogerina looked amazing.

What a goddess. And when I Want to Break Free got canceled in America, he would help stand up for the video and wouldnt feel ashamed that they did it and said they had a great time and it was fun.

And somewhat similarly, but more importantly, after Freddie died, and the press were being homophobic perverts and saying stuff like Freddie had it coming, or he lived a promiscuous life style, Roger (and Brian) would go on TV and stand up for Freddie and would be like "thats not true at all, you fucking pricks." That's not what they actually said. And he would then go on about how the press were massive dicks to Freddie while trying to get into his private life especially towards the end.

Hes adorable. Sweetie. My love.

"I'd like to make it.. naked 😏, and raw."

"1 and 3/7ths sugars please." "No one and 3/7ths 😠"

"I've just written this new one, WHICH IM REALLY EXCITED ABOUT"

"ITS PERFECT"

Just some quotes there.

Also, APPARENTLY, my sources are shit, I've only heard this once, has not been backed up, but I'm including it anyways, but apparently when Roger wasn't allowed to have Stone lions out the front of his house, he thought outside the box and put up hundreds of glow and the dark gnomes.

He also apparently had to legally fight his neighbour to keep his giant statue of Freddie Mercury he had in his backyard because the neighbour APPARENTLY thought that it was "rUiNinG tHe laNdScApe"

He kissed Brian when he was drunk.

He was called sex on legs.

Grew a beard because people kept mistaking him as a girl.

His eyes.

"There was lots of sex and drugs. Actually there wasn't that much sex and ... Well there wasn't much drugs"

There's also some lovely sad stories with him. Mainly the 300 yards and I don't feel like crying again so I'm not gonna write it out.

I'm gonna stop this here because my finger feels weird from having a plaster on it for three days and I wanna focus on more Roger videos that I've been watching in the background for about an hour now. I'm just gonna say he is shemxy.

And then you've got this:

Love him. Appreciate him. I'm gonna marry him one day, mark my words.

There is a lot more on him. This is all I've got. For now.

[dani-says-stuff]

Dracula's Castle

❥ Back to the Control Center

❥ Nate Hardy Masterlist

I'm sorry it took so long to everyone who's been asking for another Nate fic… I got about halfway through and completely lost steam and then forgot about it for like a week. my b.

━─━────༺✧༻────━─━

Nate Hardy x fem!medium(?)reader

Summary: Rather than exploring, you find yourself wrangling the idiots you call your best friends.

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: creepy stuff, hauntings, language, Colby and Nate being dumb, inconsistent capitalization, my disregard for grammar and run on sentences

Dialogue Key:

Y/N

Nate

Sam

Colby

Alex

━─━────༺✧༻────━─━

What. The. Fuck. That was your only thought as you watched the scene playing out before you.

The four of you were supposed to record the intro to the video by the gravesite, but the boys quickly got sidetracked. You were about to pick up Sam's camera and just film it yourself, when you realized it wasn't there.

Your boyfriend was holding the device as they all recorded each other with the small horse in the field. 

Every doubt you ever had about having guy friends throughout middle and high school came rushing back as you watched the 20 year olds act like toddlers. 

'Dude, this is like so Romania!' 

Yeah, you had no clue what that was supposed to mean- but that's what they said over and over as they chased the animal around. 

You pinched the bridge of your nose, quickly glancing at your phone for the time. Hopefully they'd stop soon... otherwise you were going to miss the car meant to take you to the next stop. 

━─━────༺✧༻────━─━

Eventually, you were able to get the intro filmed and good news... you didn't miss the car! Now the four of you were in the woods walking to the pond. 

Colby was in the back, filming Sam as he explained where you all were going, leaving you and Nate to lead. His arm was wrapped around your shoulder as the both of you walked, tucking you into his side. 

Usually, you didn't mind walks or hiking but this place was freaking you out. You couldn't quite place what was so different from the trails you enjoyed, but you definitely weren't a fan. Maybe it was the fact that there were over grown branches that would graze your arms as you walked past. Maybe it was the way the trail was worn and barely separated from the nature on the sides.

Strangely, you knew it wasn't the destination that freaked you out. By now, you've had more than your fair share of ghostly encounters and knew how to take care of that... you weren't as confident in your ability to dispel wild animals and insects.

A low bush brushed against your ankle, making you jump at the unwelcome feeling. You looked behind you, trying to find what touched you, just to be hit in the head by a tree branch when turning back around.

Nate was having a very hard time keeping his laughter to himself, but he could tell you were on edge and didn't want to make you anymore upset. However, you could feel the suppressed laughter shaking his ribs since you were pressed so close to his side. 

"It's not funny." you pouted, looking up to see the less-than-subtle-smirk gracing his lips. "I hate bugs. You know that." 

He coughed- well, he laughed, he was just trying to pass it off as a cough. "Yeah, I know babe, it's just the irony of it, thats all." He looked down, seeing your confused expression, and decided to continue, "Well... we're on our way to what is basically count Dracula's execution sight-" he laughed softly, "and you're freaked about a fern."

You reached up, covering your face with your hands, "It's not the fern I'm freaked about, it's the stuff that lives in it." you shuddered, peaking your eyes over your fingers to look up at him, "Like what if there are ticks in there! What if I get bitten by a tick and get some obscure strain of Lyme disease or something!"

"Well" Nate smirked looking down at you, "If it's ticks you're worried about... I'll happily check you over later." he spoke, wiggling his eyebrows. 

You shoved him slightly, keeping your gaze glued to your feet as you walked forward. 

━─━────༺✧༻────━─━

"You two are so fucking strange." Sam called out, pointing the camera at you and Nate as you walked down the street. "You'd think they were on a family vacation in Disney-"

"But nope" Colby took over when the blonde began to laugh hysterically, "We're on the way to Dracula's Castle, and that" he zoomed in on the jar, "is Vlad's execution water." 

Nate glanced down at you as you glanced up, the two of you shrugging in sync before continuing to walk forward, "It's comforting."

You hummed in agreement, "yeah, if we're nice to 'em, he won't want to mess with us that bad right?" 

You spoke nonshalently to the camera and for the most part it was true that you didnt care, but there was a small part of you that realized how stupid you probably looked. The locals walked the street, getting ready for the festival and they were met with a group of four loud, obnoxious kids. Then within the group, was you and your boyfriend. Nate strutting down the road, you under one arm and the grosses mason jar of water you've ever seen in the other. 

Yep. Totally normal.

━─━────༺✧༻────━─━

When you finally approached the castle, you met your guide. You, thought he was adorable, Colby... not so much. 

"do you think Alex is a vampire?" he whispered, eyes wide. 

You squinted at him, blinking rapidly, "I- You're joking... right?" 

He waved his hands at you're volume, "shh! Shh! not so loud, I'm serious." 

You looked at him for a moment, eyebrow arching in annoyance. Looking past Colby's shoulder, you could see Nate and Sam already inside talking with your guide. 

"Y/N, I'm being serious here!" he rushed after hearing your mild exhausted sigh, "Y/N please, like think about it for a second" he raised a hand, counting off the strange occurances, "Ok, so he asked for our blood types-"

"Because Nate brought it up."

"-he sounds like Dracula-"

"Cole. It's just an accent." 

"AND-" he spoke dramatically, whatever he was going to say, was the hard hitter, "Y/N he legit has fangs" 

Your jaw dropped at his words, causing the boys eyes to light up as he pointed at you, "See! see, I told you!"

You blinked. Once, twice, three times. "Colby" you spoke, reaching out, putting your hands on his shoulders, "No. He is not a vampire."

"But-"

"Colby. He doesn't have fangs. they're canine teeth. you have canine teeth, I have canine teeth-"

"But this is different!" 

"No it's not."

"Yes it is-"

"Oh my god" you were trying to be stern, while also obliging to his insistence of a hushed tone so 'count Alex the vampire' didn't overhear.

He was really beginning to test your patients.

Thankfully, Nate cut off your crazy best friend's rambling after realizing the two of you hadn't followed. "Yo Colby!" he called, faux annoyance in his voice as he walked over, "You tryin' to steal my girlfriend?"

"oooooh- he's gonna get it now!" Sam laughed, moving the camera to show the obviously fake fight between the boys as you laughed on the sidelines.

━─━────༺✧༻────━─━

You found yourself moving to the back of the group as the tour continued, trying to fade in the background. Not because what Colby said got to you, there was no way you were choosing to believe any of that, but because you didn't want to seem rude. 

Alex was obviously very into the subject and history of the castle, you were too, but the feeling there was just... strange. You had been on many investigations with the boys before, from the weird places you'd find in Kansas to the more famous sights. Most of the time, Sam and Colby would bring you along because you tended to feel things a little deeper than the boys could. 

You weren't a medium- or at least not like the ones that were usually associated with the word. You couldn't speak to them, you couldn't see them, and you definitely couldn't communicate far beyond what the boys already did. But, you did pick up on things a little quicker. You could feel the energies that a location was giving off, sense the emotion and feeling within the area. 

It was always a bit weird when it happened. All of a sudden you would feel an intense burst of emotion completely unwarranted and unrelated to anything you were doing, but that strangely seemed to correlate with the history of the place. You could feel it as if it was your own but in a small tucked away corner of your mind, it felt alien.

And right now as you tried to listen to the guide, all you could concentrate on was how sick you felt. Your stomach was flipping and your head was pounding, you felt incredibly nauseous but you weren't actually going to be sick... hopefully. You felt paranoid and antsy, as if you had just had to get out of this place. But you didn't. You stayed put because you knew that what you were feeling wasn't really you who felt it. 

You jumped when a hand fell upon your shoulder, "Woah, woah, hey" Nate spoke softly, "Are you ok? You seem off."

You nodded at his question, heart melting a little at the concern swimming in his eyes, "Yeah, yeah I'm fine." despite the words, it was easy to pick up on the unease lacing your tone, "I just- it just feels weird in here, thats all."

"What? Like what? Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah, i don't know, it's just weird." you didn't quite know how to explain it. In your head you knew how, but the words felt wrong when you tried to say them. "I dont know, it's weird, I feel jumpy and sick to my stomach." your statement lifted towards the ending, making it sound more like a question than fact. 

Maybe you should've worded that better. You didn't think he could look any more concerned, but he somehow managed at the word 'sick'. Eyebrows furrowing together and a tense look crossing his face, "Do you need to go outside? Get some air?" 

You shook your head, dismissing the offer.

He nodded, the worry didn't completely clear from his eyes, but he tried to appear neutral when the two of you headed back to the group. 

The two of you didn't receive all the background and lead up, but you did hear Alex mention the floors.

The wood flooring was original, even in the tourture chambers. You tugged on Nate's hand making him glance down at you. "Yup." you nodded, "that explains it."

━─━────༺✧༻────━─━

"Jesus Colby, not again." you groaned rolling your eyes. He had pulled all four of you aside at this point, trying to make his case again about the guide. 

"He's a vampire!" 

You could tell Sam thought it was bullshit, but he indulged wanting to see where his friend would take this. It was hard for the blonde to say anything without laughing, but he tried his best, "How do you know he's a vampire?" 

Your eyes widened, shaking your head wildly, "Oh my god, no. Please don't-"

"Did you not see his fangs?" Colby rushed, cutting you off as he spoke wildly with his hands.

"I did not see his fangs-"

You glared at the blue eyed boy, "thats because he doesn't have-"

"dude! look closely! just watch his teeth"

"and there's absolutely no part of you that thinks that statement was weird? like at all?" you sassed, crossing your arms.

"not when he's a motherfucking vampire Y/N" Colby turned to Nate, "Did you see them? Did you see the fangs?"

Nate looked between the two of you; Colby was eager, eyes blown wide begging him to agree, meanwhile you sat there, eyebrow arched and challenging him to side with Colby. He loved you, but he had to be honest, right. 

He nodded, looking straight at Colby with no hesitation as he nodded, "yeah, I saw 'em" 

Your jaw dropped, "No the fuck you did not."

"See!" Colby cheered, blue eyes staring back at you and Sam, "Told you!"

You groaned, rubbing your eyes in frustration, "You've got to be kidding me. He's not-"

"He's a vampire." Nate nodded, "Plus that blood type thing earlier was weird-" He struggled not to laugh through his sentence when you looked up at him. 

Your head lifted, turning to him comically slow and your eyes were cartoonishly large in astonishment. You blinked rapidly at him, "Nate."

"Yes?"

You made sure to speak slowly, enunciating each word, "You. Were. The. One. To. Bring. It. Up." 

"No I wasn't."

"Yes you were."

"Wait, wait, wait" Sam broke back into the conversation, taking a minute to think over everyones words, "So you're serious?" he smiled, "You think he's a vampire?" 

"Yes!"

"Yes!"

"NO!" 

"wait- so this is actually a thing?" 

"Holy- ok." you spoke, raising your arms and letting them slap against your sides, "Well, while you three sit here are talk nonsense, Imma go live my teenage-Twilight-dreams with the vampire." You mocked, Turning to follow through the door Alex disappeared through. 

━─━────༺✧༻────━─━

You squealed, jumping slightly as you entered the next room. "Nate!" you whisper shouted, he looked up humming in affirmation. You waved him over, a large smile on your face, "Come here!"

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion but he approached nonetheless, "Whats up?" 

You pointed across the room, "Look!" He chuckled softly, dropping his head onto your shoulder as the guide continued the tour once again. 

Sam seemed to be on a similar train of thought as you were, cheeky smiles meeting once before he spoke up, "Can we play it?"

Alex shrugged, "I mean, yeah, sure. Would you like to?" 

You quickly began hitting Nate's arm in excitement and Sam turned, pointing straight at him, "He's really good at piano."

━─━────༺✧༻────━─━

Several incredibly out of tune piano melodies later, you all were on the fourth floor in an unfinished exhibit. 

"This, is a vampire hunting kit." Alex spoke, gesturing to the box set up on a table, "Silver bullets, cross, bible, wooden stick."

"Sweet, so silver repels vampires?" Nate questioned.

"Uh, in these stories, yes."

"Hey babe," Nate spoke jutting his chin, "You wearing the neckless I got you for your birthday?" you reached to your neck, pulling the chain from where it got tucked under your hoodie. "Nice, see? Now you're protected from the vampires, God I'm a great boyfriend."

Colby sniffled fake crying while he flipped the camera around to face himself, "Yeah ok guys we get it. you're in a relationship. Be nice to the poor lonely people out there."

━─━────༺✧༻────━─━

It was finally time to begin the investigation, you all had filmed the information segments and finished the tour, now it was time for the ghost hunting. The boys decided to start in the torture room. 

"do we have to?" you whined, "It's gross in there."

Sam laughed at your words, "well... it is a torture room Y/N"

"No, thats not what I meant" Your eyes roamed the walls from your position by the door. Even earlier you never stepped too far from the door way, the energy in the room was too heavy. "It just feels bad. Like I feel like my skin is crawling in here." 

"We'll make it quick" Colby reassured, "I just want to see if we can get anything."

What. A. Shocker. 

The room of atrocities, horror, and pain didn't have much action.

Crazy.

The four of you decided to move locations for better luck. One by one, you tried the Estes method. Sam first, then Colby, Nate, and finally yourself.

Originally you weren't planning on going under, but after the lack of or incredibly cryptic answers you'd all gotten, you decided to give it a shot. 

You also gave the boys a few callback questions to ask for clarity. They were going to sprinkle them in with their own questions so you wouldn't know the order. 

You sat in the chair, blindfold on and headphones turned up. 

"Jesus fuck thats loud." you spoke causing the boys to laugh, "I wasn't expecting that."

Colby waved his hand infant of your face and called your name a few times to make sure you couldn't hear or see them. 

"Ok, so we're going to continue asking some questions is that-"

"Yes."

Colby's eyes widened, "damn, she was right. that was fast."

"Who are we talking to?"

"Me" 

"We got that, but who are you?" Nate spoke, "What is your name, we get you're talking, but who are you?"

"Nobody"

The boys looked at each other confused, "Nobody?" Sam repeated, "Whats that supposed to mean?"

Colby shrugged, "I dont know man, maybe its messing with us?"

"ooh, like being cheeky about it?" Nate jumped in, "like 'who are you?' 'oh, nobody hahaha' like that?"

You shuddered, "I didn't hear anything but I just felt really cold. Like it's very solemn."

"Shit, so maybe it's not like that." the brunette amended, "they actually think they're nobody?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

Sam nodded at the conformation, "so, maybe they're not Vlad after all?"

"No."

"What do you mean no? No were wrong, or no you're not Vlad?"

There was a brief pause after Sam's question before you responded once more.

"No, not him."

"Someone else."

"Elsewhere."

"What do you mean elsewhere?"

"Not it."

"Elsewhere."

"Scared."

"You're scared? Is there anything we can do to-"

"Blood."

The boys eyes all widened at the word. Colby spoke up first, voice shaky, "Blood? you want blood?"

"No."

"There is."

"Scared."

"There is?" Nate questioned, "What is there?"

"Blood" you repeated the word three times before you stopped, reaching up to feel your rib, "Once again, not something I heard, but I just got a sharp pain through my chest."

Nate looked up worriedly, glancing between the others at the grimace on your face, "Ok, a few more questions and were done? Ok?" The other two quickly nodded in agreance, getting ready to say questions they'd never get to ask. 

"leave."

The sudden and sterness of your voice started the boys, "D-Do you want us to leave?"

"No."

"Yes."

"Not you, you."

"Leave."

"Out."

"Scared."

Your face crunched as you spoke the words, they were rapidly spat out into your ears and you struggled to focus and say them all. 

"Out."

"Please."

"Stay."

"Blood."

"Go."

"Its like a conversation." Colby whispered, "Its like a conversation!"

The blonde looked at him, forehead creased in utter confusion, "What the hell are you talking about?"

The blue eyed man was smiling wide, the situation was far from the time for smiling but he was thrilled he cracked it. "Its a conversation between two different people. Thats why our answers have been so weird." 

Sam shook his head looking over at you who was still spouting absolute nonsense, "yeah, I don't follow."

"Ok-" Colby stretched out his arms to make a physical picture of what was going on, "So we have person A and person B. Person A, is trapped here. Thats nobody, they're not well known and were trapped her in life? so maybe thats why?" he questioned, halting for a moment before shaking his head out, "I dont know, haven't thought about that yet. but person A, is the one who is saying 'stay' and 'scared' because-"

"they're scared of person B" Sam finished, "Ok, so were having a dispute between a prisoner and a capturer?" he asked for confirmation, "The prisoner is scared and asking the capture to leave, but were overhearing the conversation?" 

Your ramble stopped, making way for one single word. 

"Yes." 

Nate, who had been frozen during this entire ordeal watching you struggle to say the consistent two-way-battle in your ears, had finally had enough. "Ok. Yep, were done now right?" he looked up from the floor, wide eyes glancing between his friends barely waiting for an answer. "Yes? We're done? Awesome."

He crawled over, tapping your leg to signal it was over, "Babe?" 

You pulled down the blindfold and took off the headphones, moving to stretch out your neck. A small shudder racked your body due to the sudden quiet of the room compared to the loud audio from seconds before. 

"Are you alright?" he asked still perched in his place on the floor, eyes wide with concern. You nodded, but he still stood and gave you a tight hug anyway. Even if you were completely fine, watching whatever the hell that was, was scary to him. 

When the two of you separated, you looked over to Sam and Colby who still seemed to be talking about something. "Ok, so what's the plan?"

Sam looked between you both and Colby, "I think we should go."

"Yeah, I agree. Like, even if we weren't talking to a strigoi or Vlad, it still confirmed that something bad was here." he took out his phone, checking the time, "Plus, we're almost out of time and I dont really want to accidently piss something off." 

You shrugged, nodding along, "Yeah... that's fair." 

"Welp" Nate spoke cheerfully, "I'm down with leaving! Next time we do creepy shit, lets not make it as..." he trailed off, failing to find the words. He eventually just gestured over the room, "as this. Yeah, let's not make it as this next time."

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

since ive been really obsessed with it I was thinkin about making a post thats like "Rhysand is like what if Count von Krolock of the tanz der vampire musical was a swagless cishet man with no self awareness who didnt even have a weird gay son" but then I was like, honestly how come neither Tamlin nor Rhysand ever had kids from their dillydallying before they met Feyre. yeah yeah I know bc fae are supposed to be borderline infertile but 1) thats not true, points towards Beron and Tamlin's Shit Dad 2) theyre both like 500 years old, even if the odds of having kids are astronomically low if they were just fucking around without protection, they would both atleast have one. And yeah, i know about the fuckin Safe Sex Tea too but idgaf about that, the worldbuilding of acotar is bland and unimaginative it makes me wanna cry, these fae should be like quiverfull family levels of weird about having and absolutely refuse the notion of birth control except it would be less horrible an damaging by virtue of them only having like 2 kids a century, if that. Also, even with the Safe Sex Tea I feel like if you knew that you were borderline infertile and you didnt have to worry about stds bc you lived in a world without actual disease, you would be wayyyyy less careful about protection during sex anyway

Anyway, sorry about that rant, I have terminal worldbuilders disease and it flares up when I encounter this kind of thoughtless bullshit, back to my initial thought of "how come those ancient horny bastards didnt have kids before Feyre" beyond the possible in-uinverse justifications of how they could have them despite the bullshit worldbuilding, it would just be interesting. and fun. Yknow, maybe not for the first book since that would maybe ruin the romance a little but from acomaf forward its like, why shouldnt they aside from the fact that sjm did not at any point stop to consider the implications of making her characters this fucking old

Oh man, speaking of sjm not considering the implications of things, given her track record of writing the contrasts/parellels between Rhysand and Tamlin, I feel like if she had actually done this she wouldve made Tamlin be like, not present in his children's life at all, he just pays them the fae equivalent of child support and maybe they exchange letters or some shit and Feyre would be like "thats so cruel and cold of him!!" but then Rhysand would tell her about his kids and he would be like "pshhh, I would never pay child support! But I give them positions of power in my court and take the boys (and girls hashtag feminism) out for a game of faeball every month" and Feyre would be like "oh, thats so much better my bestest and most handsomest highlord <3 <3" but all us Rhyshaters would forever make fun of him for it. Feminst King Rhysand Who Doesn't Pay Child Support 😍

[underworld-park-offical]

DAIMEN: My husbands like DAIMEN: Blonde DAIMEN: And shit DAIMEN: Crooked teeth? DAIMEN: Limey brit? TOLKIEN: Ooooh yeah TOLKIEN: That's the guy we ran from

DAIMEN: How is he even here anyway? TOLKIEN: Craig opened a portal to hell DAIMEN: Ahhhhh DAIMEN: Yeahhhh DAIMEN: That sounds like something Craig would do. TOLKIEN: Don't speak ill of him, man DAIMEIN: Why? DAIMEN: You guys do it all the time TOLKIEN: He's probably dead DAIMEN: Fuck you mean “probably”???? TOLKIEN: We ran away before we could see what happened

TOLKIEN: Jimmy is DEFINITELY like, MEGA dead though DAIMEN: Awww what??? DAIMEN: Nooo I really liked him! TOLKIEN: We all did TOLKIEN: Things were all cool until Tweek and his blonde boy squad showed up TOLKIEN: Craig had a whole fucking episode or something TOLKIEN: My boyfriend is starting to lose interest TOLKIEN: And there's demons EVERYWHERE DAIMEN: Damn DAIMEN: Kinda sounds like a you problem TOLKIEN: You are literally no help DAIMEN: Save it, whore, I'm working TOLKIEN: Whatever, we thought you could be of some help since you're the son of Satan DAIMEN: That's kind of stereotyping, bro. DAIMEN: Just cuz I'm a demon doesn't mean I know what the fucks going on with the shit

TOLKIEN: … TOLKIEN: You’re worse than Craig DAIMEN: Fuck you DAIMEN: I was gonna tell you why Craigs having an episode, buuuuuuut you decided to drop that bomb on me DAIMEN: So now I'm in the state of DILLIGAF and the capital is “Fuck you and Eat my ENTIRE ass!” DAIMEN: HOWEVER DAIMEN: I can tell you DAIMEN: For 3.50 TOLKIEN: You're joking DAIMEN: I do not joke TOLKIEN: Goddamnit TOLKIEN: Okay, here DAIMEN: Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaank youuuuuu TOLKIEN: Can I get a compensation slushie for dealing with that? DAIMEN: No TOLKIEN: Why did I even bother asking DAIMEN: Continuing on,

DAIMEN: Certain demons can alter certain people's mind's DAIMEN: Letting you in on a little secret, DAIMEN: The sinners in hell are stronger than the hellborns DAIMEN: So they get ✨special powers ✨ TOLKIEN: What kind of special powers?

DAIMEN: The awesome kind DAIMEN: Teleportation, transmutation, transfiguration, telekinesis, the complimentary pyrokinesis that every single demon gets whether they are a hellborn or not, conjuration, that kind of thing

DAIMEN: Gregory, being the....weird diva James Charles asshole he is

DAIMEN: Got goo hands DAIMEN: The goo hands add a special after effect of enthrallment, aka mind control DAMIEN: Though...his type of mind control isn't as cool as it is in the movies TOLKIEN: What do you mean? DAIMEN: He got the "blue hair and pronouns" type mind control TOLKIEN: What. DAIMEN: Chronically online disease TOLKIEN: Ohhh DAIMEN: So yeah, thats what was making Craig more the insufferable prick than you’ve known him to be for several months TOLKIEN: That makes TOLKIEN: So much sense actually TOLKIEN: I didn't think that was exactly how you explained it, but after you explained it it made so much sense and that's exactly how that would work! DAIMEN: Shut up TOLKIEN: Screw you DAIMEN: Is this about your fucking slushie? TOLKIEN: No DAIMEN: Okay fine ill get it for you you needy fuck DAIMEN: My dad damn TOLKIEN: Can you get one for Clyde too? DAIMEN: No TOLKIEN: Worth a shot I guess

TOLKIEN: I can't believe that we like

TOLKIEN: left him behind and probably, 

TOLKIEN: got him…

TOLKIEN: Y'know …

DAIMEN: Killed?

TOLKIEN: Yeah

DAIMEN: Don't sweat it too bad DAIMEN: He deserved it TOLKIEN: I'm starting to think that's not the case anymore TOLKIEN: Considering the knowledge I know of him being possessed. DAIMEN: Wasn't he like,  DAIMEN: A huge prick before that? TOLKIEN: I mean… TOLKIEN: Yeah? DAIMEN: Then it's no biggie TOLKIEN: He was still our friend TOLKIEN: ….ish?

DAIMEN: Well he's an asshole

DAIMEN: Assholes go right on the chopping block

TOLKIEN: I guess so

(Edits made by @pissblanket <3)

[nyan-koii]

I have a confession .. I’ve been obsessing over Seb’s body so much 😭😭 specifically these shots are so..

My reviews of the pics :3

1. first of all the shirt - too big and almost down to his elbows. It is like pressed against his stomach so it’s FLAT and legs and arms are soo tiny 😭😭 like little pookie get off that football field y need to be in bed w mark and Jense rn

2. .. no words honestly he’s just so tiny and manhandable. Like I can just imagine Seb just being moved around by the mechanics, being in the way unknowingly and they just wrap their hands around his entire upper arm and picks him up and moves him idk. Like the mechanics groping him and like just touching him makes my brain go brrr. Also anyone on the 2010 grid with big hands like Fernando, Robert, ofc mark and Jenson just like moving him around and finding out just how tiny he is and UGHHH

3. IH MY GODDDD his arms are soo fucking tiny compared to Mark’s and I can’t like formulate words.. like it’s half the size of his. Idc if it’s the angle or not that man is a TWINK and he needs to be fucked and grabbed and chocked and-

Also just imagine someone covering Seb’s ENTIRE body part with their HAND. Like .. he would malfunction and cum in his pants. Probably like whimper and just like die on the spot or something

Td;lr

Rbr seb is tiny and needs to be fucked until he can’t speak

(I can’t believe I’m sending this unanon but :,) ye)

HIIIII TRASHTEENKIDD (idk what to call you lmaoo 😭)

THE PHOTOSSS OMGGG THOSE PHOTOSS !!! I ONLY SEEN THE SEBMARK ONES BUT THE OTHER TWO OMFG,,, I MOANEDDDD

1. YESS !!! look at the size of the shirt its not made for his size or is he into larger shirt that can cover his body because well um 😏 you know why, he likes the feeling of being small??? Mhmmm the way the shirt covers his butt too AND YESS his tiny legs and armss seb youre not supposed to be there indeed ! Get your ass on the bed now !! Also i love how red his ears are ngl. I think most of the time its always red which make me think if its like that on the other parts too 🤭 imagine him all flushed up and redd oooooo what a sight actually i need him...

2. AURGGHG PLEASE YOUR WORDS IM HAVING BRAIN DISEASE OVER IT. EXTREME HEADACHEEEE i always like the idea of the crew gangbanging on seb especially during his torro rosso eraa !! The boy is so so petite you can carry him everywhere and its as light as a feather ! Want him to be handled like a ragdoll every single second. Also the fact that he arrives at the grid first and is the one who usually leaves the last because he wants to hang around and 'learn' more from the crew.... doesnt that make you think thoughts???? Because i sure as hell do ! Insane honestly, GET HIS ASS RESTRICTED HES GOING TO GET PREGNANT GUYSS

like look at these 😭😭😭😭 HES SOO EASY TO BE PICKED AROUND !!! The mechanics would definitely also manipulate him during sebs str era im insane i need to be put at a hospital.... i want more gangbang seb fics...

And yes definitely 🤭🤭 the 2010s grid is using seb as a free cumdump as repayment for letting him win the wdc hehehheheheheh seb you're completely tangled yourselves with evil men, get out of thereee (dont)

3.

HE ISS TINYYYYYYYYYYY HES SOO OMFGGG YOU CANT SEPARATE TINY AND SEB NO NU UH THEY LITERALLY CAME IN PAIR EVEN IF ITS AM SEB !!! THATS A TWINK

Sebs amazing for putting up a brave attitude around mark like if they got in a fight, mark would definitely beat him to a pulp but seb knows mark cant do ANYTHING to him, knows that seb has more power than him and in some cases marks just too tired to reciprocate his energy. Sebs taking marks kindness and manipulating it to his own likings for example mark fucking and releasing his anger on seb because he hates the german boy so much but its actually what seb wants, to be used and to see mark crumble in front of seb aauuurghhhh, hes a twink but hes an EVIL twink.

Also... look at michael's thigh.... its the same size as sebs waist..... im completely normal about this

Sebs definitely sensitive to touches too mhmmm !! Sensitive and desperate to be touched at all time its embarassing because he cant live without receiving physical touches from his boyfriends. During day, he finds comfort in their hand but at night, its the only thing he prays about while they continue to bring him close to heaven.

Yesss rbr seb, seb in general, deserves to be fucked until he cant think straight anymore. Much like those anime hentais, i want seb to be fucked until theres love in his eyes and hes all drooling in pleasure 🥰 my love language actually.

And dont pressure yourself ! I admire your bravery reallyy for not anon-ing yourselff. Its good to see who im talking to and that i know you guys are comfortable to share these thoughts with me 🙏 keep em coming guyss !! This is a safe place for everyone <3

[lunitalunera]

Under the tangerine tree

(There’s obviously a few mythology inaccuracies but please bear with me, it’s my first ever short story! Hope it’s not so bad!)

The story goes, Aphrodite, the goddess of sexual love and beauty was married to Hephaestus, god of blacksmiths and metalworking, however she was not faithful, for she longed to be worshipped. That’s how she found herself entangled with Helios, god of the sun. He worshipped Aphrodite, worshipped her intensely, restlessly. Worshipped her like a ray of sun worshipped the flowing waves. That’s how he came to be. Hyunjin. Aphrodite bared the child adoring him for he was the one piece of Helios she had left. She carried him proudly, making everyone believe it came from her marriage, but Hephaestus knew, he knew it all and he was angry. But how dare he say a thing? It was the Aphrodite. The most beautiful. The most desired goddess. So he stayed, raised the child as if were his own, showed him how to make swords, how to sculpt, how to create. And thats exactly what he did, hyunjin. Create. If he didn’t a sword or a sculpture in his hand, he had a pencil, a brush, coal. Anything that had the means to physically create, he did. That’s how he met Felix. The son of Apollo, the god archery, music and dance, truth and prophecy, healing and diseases, the light, poetry. Felix was just the same, carrying his father’s footsteps. Felix was loved by all, hyunjin included.

There Felix laid, under a tangerine tree, fingers covered with its sweet nectar, sun hitting his skin so perfectly it almost looked like he was the one shining. Hyunjin found him there, alone, with a smile on his face and constellations on his cheeks, enjoying the fruit. Felix looked so peaceful, so beautiful. He dared not interrupt him, so he watched, he watched for a long time, admiring the boy, the way he licked his fingers and closed his eyes in delight. Hyunjin gasped. He could almost feel Felix tongue on his fingers. Almost. Hyunjin would come back, almost every day, like clockwork. And he’d sit there, watching Felix. Drawing him, painting him, sculpting him. But no amount of work or talent could ever catch Felix’s beauty and light. And Felix knew, he could feel hyunjin’s eyes on him, he could feel his admiration, his lust. And he loved it. Every tangerine bite, every lick of his fingers, he did just for hyunjin. One day, Hyunjin came back, expecting to see Felix in his usual spot, but he was nowhere to be found. His heart ached, longed for him. Little did he know Felix was there. Hiding. He wanted to surprise Hyunjin. To finally ask him if he’d like to share the fruit, to lay next to him. So he did. After that day they’d sneak out every night. Hyunjin would paint him, Felix would write poetry. They talked. They laughed. The kissed. They made love. Under the tangerine tree. It was perfect. Too perfect.

A nymph, they said. A nymph discovered the two boys. Laying there, embracing each other. Felix laying on hyunjin’s chest, and hyunjin tracing Felix’s freckles like constellations. When hyunjin’s father found out, he was furious. Furious that another light being had taken his love from him.

So they were banished. Thrown from Olympus. And they fell, hand in hand.

They would be reincarnated, over, and over and over again. Always close, always in deep, undying love, but never allowed to feel each other. They spent life times together but not entirely, not in the way they wanted. Cursed to long for each other. Forever.

[hearts401]

Honestly idk why l'm telling you this and sorry for bothering you with Michael afton but I used to be pretty neutral on him I until I found your blog. Then he just. Infected my brain like a disease. He's now a huge comfort character like what. Seriously, I think about this dumb little guy literally EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE IM NOT EVEN JOKING HES TAKING OVER IM SOMEWHAT CONCERNED FOR MY OWN WELLBEING AT THIS POINT. what have you done.

This whole thing is /pos btw I just like the theatrics of it

Also ra question for the sweet tooth au, what animal are the hybrids like. Hybrids of? Like since you kinda compared Gregory to gus in the au is Gregory a deer hybrid? And what about everyone else?

Woah this ended up being wayyy longer than I intended I am so sorry

YIPPEE WE GOT ONE BOYS!!!!! I'M HAPPY I CHANGED UR BRAIN CHEMISTRY HEHEHEH

its kinda nuts that thats because of my posts tho wow...

heheheehehe hes like a little worm he crawls into ur brain and makes a home

also it depends!

Cassidy is a caracal for example, because i had too many bears and she gives cat vibes to me. But greg is a Hare!! (bc malhare and i had a bunny already)

uhh ill just list em

Gregory: Hare

Cassidy: Caracal

Evan: Bear

Susie: Chicken

Fritz MCI: Fox

Jeremy MCI: Bunny

gabriel: not sure yet idk if i want two bears but for now, bear be upon ye!

Cassie: Wolf (IF shes a hybrid im torn on it still)

everyone else is human!!

[cheap-jumpscare]

here's my thinks on the Natlan update

[PT: Here's my thinks on the Natlan update /end pt]

disclaimer i do not support hyv i simply like genshin let me BE also spoilers (mild- I haven't rlly done the archon quest yet) obviously. and typos too I just don't care much. the Grammarly browser extension hates me :3

p.s. i added image descriptions just to make this as accessible as possible! it was difficult but I hope it works aa

NEW FEATURES

[PT: new features /end pt]

FIRST THING I DID was check the free character. you can choose between jean, diluc, qiqi, mona, keqing, tighnari, and dehya. if you don't know who to pick; TIGHNARI IS EXTREMELY STRONG FOR A STANDARD. just a nudge in his direction

I also wanted to mention; CHARACTER TRIALS ARE DIFFERENT FOR KACHINA AND MUALANI. you collect pyro particles while beating up dudes along the trail. not too difficult but MASSIVE WHIPLASH. For other characters you get the old trials, which are really nice. I didn't want to get TOO many changes so it's something they ease you into.

Next is our awesome artifact thingy; the Artifact Transmuter. To get it, you open the 'book menu' (someone tell me what the actual name for it is) and it'll be there after you complete a prerequisite or two that I.. Did not pay attention to. I cannot find WHERE I got it exactly, I just received it for free. Afterward it'll appear in your gadgets.

As for how to use it; you use up your existing 5-star artifacts to get Sanctifying Elixir, which then can get turned into the artifacts you want. You need a LOT to get just one. Two highish-level artifacts brought me up to 29 points, and you need 100 to get ONE sanctifying essence.

After you do that, though, it's pretty straightforward! Lucky me, because I am admittedly not bright. The flowers get fixed main stats; otherwise, you can make custom artifacts! As far as I can see, every artifact set is craftable. Good news for us! Checking the wiki we run into an issue, though... You can only make one artifact of each set every cycle. Okay, not too bad hearing just that, right? This cycle is gonna last for over a month. 41 days as of this post being written.

Now that's absolutely fucking insane and kind of the dumbest thing ever. Seriously genshin you were doing SO WELL. But admittedly, I understand why they thought such a long wait would be necessary. To be entirely fair, it makes building characters HUNDREDS of times easier. You can just pick their best stats immediately and not have to perform more gambling than just leveling up the artifacts. Still.. That's not reasonable at all to me. I don't think the Chinese fanbase will be normal about it.

THE OTHER STUFF (NATLAN ITSELF KINDA)

[PT: the other stuff (natlan itself kinda) /end pt]

So.. We're here. The meat of the update. Oh boy. Where do we start.

Another disclaimer; I HAVE NOT REALLY PROGRESSED ALL THAT FAR IN THE STORY! I HAVENT MET ANY CHARACTERS OTHER THAN KACHINA AND THE VILLAGE SHE LIVES IN THATS ITTTTT. Regardless.

I'm starting with a funny visual bug that I really want to know if anyone else's experienced. My daughter with every disease. She looks so stupid oh my fucking god.

Like.. Kachina what did they do to you. POV my little sister watching me explain things (she has no idea what any of the words I'm using mean). This is a sticker in me and my sister's discord server now because she looks SO SILLY. Kachina I love you forever and ever you're now the funniest child alive to me. Diona prepare to gain a sister.

After that conversation YOU GET HER FOR FREE!!! Giant surprise to me as I had not intook ANY Natlan content prior- completely blind going into it all.

For me personally, the map itself was easy enough to unlock. There's one creature you can take control of that can sort of grappling-hook around like those specific spots in Sumeru, so it was easy to get around. That being said, I have only gotten the Statues of the Seven and not the TP waypoints.. I think I'll do my sister's in exchange for her doing mine.. (And also bc she got me Kirara's costume and pulled Yelan for me)

Moving on to pyro traveler; You do not get them immediately. Or at all. Until you beat the archon quest maybe? (Or at least get to a certain point? I wouldn't know.) Regardless, Kachina shows you the Statue of the Seven, which does not grant you pyro powers like we originally expect it to.

That's really all I have for Natlan itself. It's good, what can I say.

IN CONCLUSION..

[PT: in conclusion /end pt]

I love the Natlan update. It's fun, the new features are fun, the ability to just SKIP TO NATLAN is AMAZING (because I will admit I still haven't gone through Sumeru's storyline.. Sorry) and also the characters are all really fun so far! Kachina my daughter. I love her so, SO MUCH. She's adorable and I'd kill and die for her. Amen.

I am very loudly and proudly dissappointed in the lack of melanin, but I've noticed that is a fandom-wide complaint with the natlan trailer. Where are the darker skinned characters, genshin.. Where did you hide the fucking melanin. WHERE ARE THE BLACK CHARACTERS.

One thing I am very very "HOYOVERSE WHAT THE FUCK" about is that one of the NPCs you first see when meeting Kachina has locs. Both NPCs talking to her are black (albeit horrendously ashy). The chief of her tribe has an afro. I just. How is it so easy to do with NPCs but so hard for the playable characters. Yes, Kachina and Mualani have tans which I HAVE NOTICED and admittedly do like, but oh my god how hard is it to make a character that's darker than Xinyan or Kaeya. How hard is that. I'm screaming at you, Hoyo.

That's the end. Hope you all enjoyed my screaming into the void.

[alvertesongdiary]

JPEGMAFIA - either on or off the drugs

Im ain't really into flashing I feel like an accident I never chose They be ducking points for passion I feel really like its corny If you ain't code Niggas be on my dick for nothing I be like, What happened to these niggas bro Like niggas be really going through it But there a better way to let the people know People say i'm never present I aint messy Im just focused on the goals Because Either on or off the drugs My energy is tony powdering his nose And Either on or off the drugs My energy is Don magic, With the hoes because been boxing with the drugs I Got a good chin Like james toney Niggas be putting ya boy in box they be acting like cops I could never be phony She be acting thot Hope its all act because deserves a tony And either on or off the drugs K-hole or buzzed I cannot atone because wither on or off the drugs Her voice plays in my ear Like i'm on hold

The first one was good w the beats The second one put me in the deep The third one was sick no disease 4th i had to Rush to Completion

I don't have know base its not a secret Ain't no happy house we taking beatings The streets and my mind is filled with demons Thats why i be eating these bitches like sara and tegan because distractions hitting every season These niggas just for Rhyme no reason

Its not just a facade that i can see Or standard up for i don't believe Im Michael jackson dancin' in the mirror The Only one who cant see me is me The only one who can beat me is me Warrior i'm cp3 (outdated bar) When i see u its TTG Fuck em We don't know EBT No c notes 100k tweets God i pray son don't be this weak God i pray my daughter don't be this weak fuck

Some of u niggas be talking Right out of the side of your neck I cant believe That they be gassing these lil hoes Some of these niggas be sittintg around all day hating on niggas they never met i just feel sad for u lil bro Baby you know when wilding out i make a mess I keep the cannon like nick put my bitch vest what did that last one contribute but pussy and stress? nothing

14/08/2024

[rimzieiei]

total drama x town of salem 2

honestly im surprised i havent done this sooner ?? considering that one alejandro, heather, and noah coven fanart is the reason i got interested in total drama

ANYWAYS ! i thought it would be super fun to make a match with every gen 1 total drama contestant :3 (town might be a little overpowered but whatever ! i didnt feel like going over the 4 coven limit)

TOWN

COURTNEY - SEER

i think seer (town investigative in general) is a good fit for courtney because they often lead town and courtney is well yk,, courtney

SIERRA - TRACKER

i was tempted to make sierra spy but i ended up liking tracker more . i think this one is pretty self explanatory

BETH - RETRIBUTIONIST

i didnt have many ideas for beth besides making her either town support or coven . beth should get to raise the dead, as a treat

BLAINLEY - CORONER

giving blainley coroner just so she can fakeclaim tpow is too funny for me to pass up

OWEN - TRAPPER

based on the hunting owen talked about during island + i love trapper

TYLER - BODYGUARD

boy loser gets to have the most failure town protect role

DUNCAN - JAILOR

its too funny of an opportunity to pass up

EVA - VETERAN

honestly she could be any town killing but vet can kill multiple visitors which made me choose it

LINDSAY - MARSHAL

marshal is the army equivalent of an admiral :3 also useless town powers (as infuriating as they are) are hilarious in concept

GEOFF - SOCIALITE

party time !

EZEKIEL - AMNESIAC

zeke doesnt really have much going for him in canon so having him as amnesiac feels fitting

NEUTRALS

NOAH - DOOMSAYER

finally giving noah chance to be clever and sneaky,, sussing out which roles belong to who

IZZY - PIRATE

i cant get the idea of izzy openly claiming pirate then like,, pirating a ti out of my head . girly gets to cause mayhem and i love her for it

SADIE & KATIE - JESTER

i had to give them the same role its the law . a jester duo working together to get each other lynched is so silly

BRIDGETTE - ARSONIST

bridgette is a surfer girl so the obvious choice is to let her set things on fire

ALEJANDRO - SHROUD

alejandro should be an evil considering canon, and shroud is a more complicated neutral killing compared to sk

COVEN

CODY - CONJURER

i honestly just placed cody here because i love his dynamic with heather and i want them to be evil siblings

HEATHER - COVEN LEADER

this is the obvious choice for heather . let her kill

JUSTIN - MEDUSA

medusa is perfect for justin considering people love to look at him

TRENT - WILDLING

i dont have much reasoning for this one ... i just liked the idea

APOCALYPSE

LESHAWNA - BERSERKER

shes not afraid to beat people up in canon and shes not afraid here

GWEN - PLAGUEBEARER

gwens color palette reminds me of diseases,,, thats it

DJ - BAKER

self explanatory

HAROLD - SOUL COLLECTOR

harold having a menacing role like soul collector but being extremely pathetic is wonderful to me + he would get to have matching visits with leshawna

there we go ! thats all of them :3 i probably could swap some of them to make the roles fit better but im satisfied for now

[sunset-bridge]

The part where u said u'd be dying in a corner hit, dude (referencing OCD Goro post).

You got any other headcannons for him that you wanna tell the class?? (I mean this genuinely; I am curious)

THANK YOUUU !!!!

yes yes yes. ok wait..

i think he has freckles but he covers them up for tv and any public apperances. in third sem he doesnt give a shit anymore

i think he really likes disgustingly sweet things... the more sugar the better..!!

this is more a design headcanon thing to how i draw him but to me he has a round-ish face. nothing against people that draw him with like a long-ish face, but seeing his portrait sprites ingame i was always like. hehe round boy.... cute fluffy cheeks

on that note. i think hes built like a beanpole lol.. hes tall and lanky but muscular..? like not very visibly so. visibly he looks like a lamp post but he packs a surprising punch. he does NOT have much resistance though.. like a glass canon. hits like a truck but you sneeze on him and he crumples (this is true) (exaggeration. he has good endurance in a fight but every hit hurts him pretty bad. i hope you get what i mean.)

final design note.. i think he has stupidly long eyelashes . i suppose hes fine with them because they make it easier to appeal to the Public but sometimes he probably does wish he had shorter eyelashes.

when you catch him offguard he'll revert to Pleasant Boy Eyes tm for like a split second.

i don't think he likes physical affection very much. hes just not used to it and he finds it overwhelming. like. you know how cats get overstimulated when you pet them and they bite your hand. yes exactly like that. i think if you tried to hug him or something his mind just goes ??¡!!"?¡¡??¡¡?)(%&$%&&/ DAMNNATION!!!! and tries to murder you because apparently thats the only response possible.

i think his genuine laugh is this really cute-ugly ass laugh that only sergio enjoys. like this dog-bark ass laugh. evil laugh mfer!!!

when he was princekechi he opened his mouth way too wide whenever he spoke. i dont think this is how he naturally emotes when he talks; i think this was part of the act. very punchable

theater kid dramatic cunt disease terminal. this was true

well everyone knows this but he fights like a rabid animal. he bites people and scratches them with his horrible claws. bad animal.

i think he got a badass scar from after shido's palace fight with sergio. i should draw that sometime. i need to elaborate on this. ok if any of you know beastars, there was this time the wolf guy legoshi and his tiger buddy were having an argument ON STAGE that was very much not part of the show. anyways the tiger proceeded to "hug" legoshi to calm him down but he actually gored the fuck out of his back with his claws. something like that.

i am an Akechi last name believer. i think it was his mom's last name!

wait most important serious very REAL headcanon. he collects every form of hepatitis like baseball cards

ok those are at the top of my head :3c hope u enjoy

[warden-melli]

How about 5,6,14 and 19 for Melli

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

That’s actually a super hard question lol. I have a ton of songs that remind me of Melli, but a ton are tied more to my own personal headcanons and not just to his actual canon y’know? I’m also more of a music over lyrics person, so I tend to associate the sound or “vibe” of a song with a character instead of lyrical content that matches their story most of the time. I also suffer from a terminal case of “every song is about the character” disease

“Hold me like a grudge” by Fall Out Boy has quite a few lyrics that make me think of Melli, but honestly I have so many songs that make me think of him I could have probably said one of like, 100+ other songs, but thats the first one that came to mind

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

I have quite a few things in common with Melli actually, but picking just one thing? We’re both musicians ˙ᵕ˙

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Outside of a dysphoria hoodie An alternative style for sure, but I’m leaning towards goth. More specially romantic/royal goth. I know a lot of people like to give him a more pastel, or preppy interpretation when giving him a modern aesthetic, but I know in my heart that that boy was born to be a goth. The eyes, the long curly hair, the soft floral motifs, his royal/french inspired demeanour, all paired with his dramatic personality and affinity for poison and dark type pokemon make it impossible for me to interpret him as anything else lol. His partner is literally the skunk punk pokemon, and he pals around with a vampire bat and a scorpion. He has massive goth theatre kid energy to me. In saying all this though, I don’t think Melli would be above a good silly tshirt (:

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

I don’t have any relationship of his in canon that I dislike, I just with he’d gotten more interactions with other characters in general, and that the relationships he did have with other characters were expanded on a little more. That’s not a complaint I have thats just limited to just Melli either. Now that I think about it I can’t recall a single instance where Iscan has any dialogue directly with another member of his own clan??

I wish we’d seen him interact with Irida outside of the festival scene. They looked so happy performing together. I would have loved to see those two rehearse for the festival and become friends!!