#thats something ive done countless times. i know the feeling hes feeling in those moments. its an awful feeling

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

I think klavier has The Autisms and/or OCD. Btw.

"he's just a perfectionist" he got so distracted and upset about a missed cue in a song that it distracted him from a literal murder investigation. He felt so strongly about it that he couldn't get past it.

[zalrb]

“So, what exactly is your plan because you know that this is killing her, right?” he said.

“Nothing, I’m just … I’ve stopped her from running into a burning building for you.”

“I’ve seen her jump into wells for you.”

“I---” Bonnie shook her head. “It’s not in Elena’s nature to stay away from you, Stefan.” 

THE FACT THATS SHES DONE SO MUCH FOR HIM! but if we tried to list everything elena has done for stefan wed be here for hours lol

ALSO jeremy standing up for elena is what ive always wanted to see in the show. or them standing up for each other, really. theyre so passive in the show, they feel like distant cousins who occasionally bond over their childhood or whatever, the way you write them they feel a lot more like siblings who genuinely care for each other

"Bonnie regarded him. “I know that,” she said, touching his arm. “I know this is just as hard for you and just as painful and just as lonely.” He looked at her to see something like understanding in her expression. “It’s even lonelier when you’re the one making the hard decision.”

as someone whos had to pull a stefan in the past, THIS HIT ME

also damon not honoring the pact he made with stefan and staying in town despite elena choosing stefan has me like

Damon sighed heavily and took his time speaking. “It had been suggested that I was sired to Katherine, I wanted to see if that was true.”

Stefan rushed forward and grabbed Damon by the shirt. “You mean you’ve had this information the entire time?”

the fact that i am not even A LITTLE suprised is very sad. this is so in character for damon. he ALWAYS does this. just like with the cure, he keeps things like this to himself for his own benefit. this man is a walking red flag

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Elena is in hell right now, Damon. And you have information that could potentially end it?” 

YUP. he does this constantly in the show. he constantly puts her in painful positions for his own sake. which is why i cant take damon seriously. like the more i think about it, the more i hate him. HE DOES NOT LOVE ELENA. he really reminds me of callies speech about love

Damon’s expression turned ugly. “Maybe I wanted her to be as miserable as I was for a little bit. Not my proudest moment.” 

“Look, I’m doing the right thing now, OK? Because as much as I want to, when it comes to Elena, I can’t be selfish with her.”

“That’s all you’ve ever been!” Stefan yelled in his face. “The fact that you don’t see that is…"

YES STEFAN!!!!! THANK FUCK. reading this is so cathartic. the show tried so hard to validate damons distorted view of himself via dialogue while completely disregarding his countless selfish actions, FINALLY HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT. youre doing god's work zal

the fact that i am not even A LITTLE suprised is very sad. this is so in character for damon. he ALWAYS does this. just like with the cure, he keeps things like this to himself for his own benefit. this man is a walking red flag

exactly! so when anon was like 'you butchered him' i was like, i mean ... did i?

ALSO jeremy standing up for elena is what ive always wanted to see in the show. or them standing up for each other, really. theyre so passive in the show, they feel like distant cousins who occasionally bond over their childhood or whatever, the way you write them they feel a lot more like siblings who genuinely care for each other

yeah, i was halfway through it and was giving bonnie a gentler version of this but then decided to go back and make it jeremy to utilize it more but also because it would make more sense for him to be the one like i know you're doing the right thing but are you actually doing the right thing because caroline would understand after what she'd gone through with damon, bonnie would understand as the one who would make those calls, matt would be useless so it's jeremy.

[reeree1500]

The Return- Part Three

Okay y'all so here it is!! Part 3 of the Return series!!! Ivar and reader relationship developmentttttt💕 Hope you guys like itttt :) Lemme know if you guys wanna be tagged too. And don't kill meeeee pleaseee 😂

Part 1  Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 10

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @amy8220 @cutegyrl927 @camatsuru @cindy-exo @cainismyname @affection-rabbit

Disclaimer: My sucky writing again. Bad grammar and spelling😂 Character death. And bad plot in general.

Your POV

Excitement. Thats all I could say I was feeling at the moment. To finally be back in Kattegat with my family was something I never thought would have happened again. After my father’s grand announcement of my return, the room overflowed with happiness. People were coming up to me, asking me where I had been for the past 6 years and how I had survived. Obviously, I tried to answer everyone’s questions to the best of my ability without giving too much information. For I still didn't know, the true reason as to why I had to leave or who wanted me gone.

The happiness in the hall however did not last very long. Aslaug, the woman who was questioning Bjorn earlier that night. Was actually my father’s wife. “Im sorry? She's your what now?!?!” Aslaug screams of sorrow over my existence could probably be heard all the way in Frankia. My father however, seemed to have very little interest in her reactions at all. He had cast her to the side as if she meant nothing to him. During the course of the next few hours neither my father nor Bjorn left my side. It was as if they thought something would occur to me if I was out of their side for more than a second. “Father, if it is alright with you I would like to go outside for some fresh air.” I tell him, whilst grasping his hand to truly catch his attention. Cupping my face he says “My sweet little girl, you may do anything you please. However, I would prefer that you do not stray too far from here, as I have just gotten you back. And I would not be able to handle losing you again.” With that he gives me a kiss on my forehead and sends me on my way. 

However, I can still feel the overbearing presence of my older brother. “Bjorn, you know Im not gonna run away, if thats what you're afraid of.” I tell him whilst stepping outside. “Im not afraid of you running away. Im afraid of something happening to you (y/n). Plus worrying about you is my job, always has been.” Leaning on one of the wooden beams, I cant help but to stare up at the sky and hold my cross between my fingers. Thinking to myself how different life would have been if I had not left. “ Im only a few steps away shout if anything happens. Okay?” “Okay! And Bjorn... I love you.” At that Bjorn kisses my forehead and walks back inside.

Unbeknownst to me, a certain dark haired man was lurking in the shadows. “Awwww, If I had a heart I would think that was probably the sweetest reunion Ive ever seen.” Turning to the sound of that familiar voice, I see Ivar leaning on his crutch making his way towards me. “I never thought that I would have a sister. And a Christian one at that.” The way that his eyes scan over my body makes me feel a certain way that I cannot quite describe. And the way that his features are outlined by the moonlight really gives a sense of how handsome he is. “Wait, are you implying that...” 

“Well, if all Christians are as slow as you I don't think we’ll have a problem conquering them.” A smirk is displayed on his face, while his eyes show a hint of deviance in them. “Why do you think that Bjorn and Ubbe look so much alike (y/n)?” “Or the fact that we all share similar traits like our eyes?” As Ivar continues to talk down to me as if I were a child, I start to connect the dots. Why it was that Bjorn and Ubbe look alike. The way that they all seem to share the same traits as my father. The four young men that Bjorn introduced me too, are actually my brothers. 

With wide eyes I come to the realization that...“You’re my brother.” “Took you long enough.” At that Ivar seems to crack what looks like a genuine smile. “You know, I always thought that I was the youngest, but now that I'm not...” The genuine smile I had probably imagined was now a devious one. “ Now, baby sister. Why don't you and I go and sit down by those steps down there. And you can tell big brother Ivar, what you've been up to all this time?” Without being able to answer, Ivar grabs my hands and takes me towards the steps. Why do I feel like this night is just getting started...

-----------------------------------------

Ivar POV

Needless to say all of us were in shock to learn that (y/n) was our sister. Especially Hvitserk, who had not only been enchanted by her beauty, but was  already planning how he would take her from Bjorn. I however, knew something was up the minute I saw her in the great hall. She had no scars whatsoever on her body, meaning she wasn't a shield-maiden. And absolutely no callouses on her fingers from when she took the ale, meaning she definitely wasn't a thrall. And Bjorn wouldn't cheat on Torvi, unless he wants his balls cut off. Something intrigued me about her instantly. It was if she had been sent to me by the Gods, her sharp tongue reminded me of mine. The way that she stood up for my mother not even knowing that she had caused Lagertha and Ragnar to break up amazed me. The way she handled herself with grace and dignity was exactly what I wanted. No, what I need for in a wife.

“Ivar, are you okay? You've been staring at me for the past 5 mins without saying a word.” (y/n) places her hand on my knee to draw my attention whilst looking straight into my eyes. “As a matter of fact, Im trying to piece together, how we’re the same age, and we never met before you left.” As she goes to lift her hand from my knee, something instinctively goes over me and I grab her and hold it were it was. The initial shock she and I both had at my actions soon subsided. She let her hand rest under mine. As if we had done this countless times before, our fingers intertwined and they in my eyes fit perfectly. I could see the inner turmoil inside her, on whether these small affectionate moments between us were something that was so wrong, but that felt so right. 

It was not just moments ago that I had found out she was indeed my sister. Blood of my blood. But somehow, something in me told me that we were meant to be. I felt safe and strangely loved by this person in front of me, whom I have never met before. “You know Ivar, we lived on a farm. I was 100% certain that I would be a farm girl for the rest of my life. I was content with knowing that I would spend my life tending to the animals and my family. But, this is just too much.” Looking down at where our once intertwined hands were. I see that she is now staring at the ground playing with the ends of her long braided hair. “Why? Because you feel as if you're not good enough? Look at me for Odin’s sake! Im a cripple!” At that moment our eyes connected and I saw a reflection of myself in her. A scared child who was deprived of a normal childhood. Seeking for acceptance and love from anyone. 

“(Y/n), come inside father wishes to speak to you.” Bjorn says coming out from the great hall ale in hand. Clearly drunk as well. “Sure thing, I’ll be there in a second.” As she goes to stand up (y/n) turns to me and kisses me on the cheek. “Thank you for the pep talk, big brother.” 

I knew that I could not be the only one feeling this way. She had to have been feeling the same about me. And I will go to the ends of the world and face the God’s themselves if they think that for a second I will not make her mine. 

Your POV

What had I just done! I kissed him whether it be on the cheek or not. I kissed Ivar. My brother. Oh lord, forgive me for these sinful thoughts are consuming me. The intense feeling I got from us holding hands and from when he stared into my eyes. I had felt at home. Felt safe, felt something that I should only be feeling for the man I should marry. Not my brother! As I enter the great hall, all eyes turn on me. Remembering what I had just talked to Ivar about, I keep my head up. I shouldn't be ashamed, or feel as if I'm less than I am.

As I make my way to my father through the crowd once he spots me his eyes light up immediately. Sitting on his thrown he extends his hand and makes me sit on the throne beside his. “My beautiful daughter are you feeling alright now?” He says to me a little louder as if to make sure that people know not to mess with me. “Y..yes father Im feeling much better.” I murmur to him. At that moment my eyes trail off as if to find something that would take me out of this position right now. I have never been one to be the centre of attention. And as much as I wanna believe in myself that I can be a good princess to my people, at the moment that is not going to happen. As I scan the room my eyes land on Hvitserk. He’s eating a piece of chicken las if it were his last meal ever. I cannot help, but to laugh at him and that when he notices. He flashes a smile that could certainly melt any lady’s heart.  Without realizing I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and bit my lip. Biting my lip when Im nervous is something Ive always done.

However, what did not realize was Ivar eyeing me from behind him. At that I stop and stare at the ground. As the hours go by, finally the last person leaves the great hall. Leaving only my father and brothers with me. “Sooooo, where is (y/n) supposed to sleep, father?” Asks Ubbe. Coming from behind me Hvitserk puts his arm around my shoulders bringing me closer to his body. “She can sleep with me! I don't mind sharing my bed with her.” At this Ivar scoffs. “Of course you wouldn't, you wouldn’t mind sharing your bed with anything that has a pulse.” I tilt my head trying to figure out whatever he means by that. And all that can be heard is the snickering of my father. 

“I was thinking that perhaps I could sleep with Bjorn. You know since we used to share a room when we were little...” I say wishing that what I feel most comfortable with could be taken into account. “I don't know about that one baby sis, you'd have to ask Torvi. She defiantly doesn't like sharing thats for sure.” as Ivar says this he smirks at me while taking bite out of his apple. “Who’s Torvi?” “Wait! Bjorn didn't tell you? He's married.” 

At that moment a scream was heard throughout the town.

“Oh My God, Mira!!!!” at that moment I shot out of Hvitserk’s arms and ran as fast as I could. How could I have been so stupid that I left my friend by herself in an unknown place. Seeing the people gathered around Bjorn's cabin only made my heart more nervous. Pushing my way past the crowd I make it up the steps in one piece. But what I saw would forever haunt me. There on the floor lied my once best friend and most trusted subject Mira. And on her back was carved the death rune. All I remember is hitting the floor and watching a pair of worried and frantic electric blue eyes.

[moodycastiel-writes]

sacrifice

summary: reader undertakes the trials to close the gates of hell in sam’s place. this is a little au that takes place during the season eight finale!

pairing: sister!reader and winchesters

warnings: angst. lots and lots of angst. foul language. y’know, the usual. there’s not a happy ending with this one. please don’t hate me (:

author’s note: i wasn’t originally going to write the confession, but i had a lot of ideas on how to establish a relationship between reader and the brothers, and i felt having her confess to her sins would make her more of an empathetic character. so yes, this is a small au that i had in mind where reader is sam & dean’s older sister who does the trials instead of sam. (((oh, also, cas does end up believing metatron and him and naomi kill metatron so the angels never fall.))) ((double also, crowley calls reader ‘fatale’, which is a rocky and bullwinkle reference, since he calls sam and dean moose and squirrel. just wanted to throw that out there in case anyone was confused to that reference!)) anywho, yeah, i hope y’all enjoy!!

——————————————————————————————————

You could hear your blood pounding in your ears as you stood at vestibule of the run-down church, your shaking hand loosely holding on to the can of red spray paint, eyes trained on the devil’s trap you painted. This was it. Everything that has happened this past year is finally coming to an end.

You let out an uneven breath as the doors opened gently, the heavy footsteps of your brothers approaching you with caution.

“Do you have him?” you asked, not bothering to lift your tired eyes to meet them.

“Yeah,” Sam spoke, a level of uncertainty to his voice. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I have to,” you answered, turning around curtly and brushing past Sam and Dean, leaving the church as you neared the Impala. It was only a few moments before they were both at your side again, the hot sun doing little to warm the permanent chill that settled into your soul when you first started the trials.

“We should get started,” you said, turning to Dean, “the sooner the better.”

Dean nodded his head and smiled at you, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He opened the trunk and pulled out a handcuffed Crowley, completely at your disposal. Dean walked the demon into the church to get him ready, leaving you alone with Sam.

“How are you holding up?” he asked you as you grabbed the jar of holy oil from the back seat.

“Fine,” you responded, an unintentional iciness to your voice. “I’ll be better when this is all over.”

Dean walked back outside to meet you and Sam, wiping his hands on his pants. “Crowley’s all prepped and primed,” he turned to look at you, “How we feeling about this?”

“Honestly?” you asked, looking between your younger brothers, “Good. Better than what I have in a while. I think we’re finally going to win. This is all going to be over,” you sighed, a ghost of a smile appearing on your face for the first time in a long while.

Sam clapped a hand on your shoulder, but Dean cleared his throat behind you two. “All right, well, no dancing in the end zone until we're finished. What's the good father's playbook say now?”

You looked around the outside of the church eyes falling over the stained-glass windows. “Well... Now that we got the consecrated ground, I just, uh,” you cleared your throat, “I slip Crowley one dose of blood every hour for eight hours and seal the deal with a bloody-fist sandwich. That oughta do it.”

“Your blood's supposed to be purified, isn't it?” Dean remembered, “You ever, uh -- you ever done the ‘forgive me, father’ before?”

You shook your head, gaze dropping to the ground. “No, never. I have no idea what I should even say,” you admitted.

A thousand things were running through your head. All the countless times you’ve fucked up over the years. From the second your mother burned on the ceiling of Sam’s nursery to now, there was so many things you could confess. All the lies and betrayals, the murders and all the innocent people you’ve let die. Tears pricked your eyes, but you cleared your throat and blinked them away.

“Well, I could give you some suggestions,” Dean tried.

“O-okay, yeah. Sure,” anything could help.

“Alright,” he glanced at Sam, who had a disapproving look on his face. “Well, there was the whole siding with the demons thing. Or, um, ditching me when we were in Purgatory. Saying yes to Michael. Oh, also—”

“I get it!” you cut him off, not believing all the things he was currently throwing in your face. A wave of guilt washed over you, and an unsettling silence washed over you three.

“Well, we’re not getting any younger,” you finally said, passing Sam the jar of holy oil before making your way to the church.

“Hey!” Dean called after you, “Maybe open what you did to Penny Markle? In the sixth grade?”

You shot him a confused look, “That was you.”

Dean paused, the memory of what he did to poor Penny coming back to him. Clearing his throat, he waved you off. “Nevermind! Carry on.”

You rolled your eyes at him and made your way back into the church, closing the door behind you. You did you best to ignore Crowley’s eyes following your every move as you walked into the confession room, taking a seat on the bench.

“Okay,” you let out a shaky breath, “if anyone is listening, here we go.” You paused, your eyes screwing shut tightly. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” A cool blast of wind rushed by you, ruffling through your hair. You took it as a sign that someone, somewhere was listening, and continued on. “I have made a lot of mistakes. I have so many regrets, so many sins, that I don’t even know where to begin. I watched my brothers die, so many times, for what? To fulfill some stupid prophecy? I should have protected them. I—” you stumbled on your words, tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

You wiped at your face and continued on. “I never should have let Dean sell his soul for Sam. It should have been me. I was supposed to do everything I could to protect those boys. If I just strapped on a pair, Dean never would have went to hell, and the seals never would have been broken. This is all my fault. I have to fix it.” The tears were falling freely down your face now, but you didn’t care enough to wipe them away. “I shouldn’t have let Sam ever say yes to Lucifer. I could have said yes. He never would have gone to Hell and lost his soul. It’s all on me.”

You took in another shaky breath, trying to calm down. “Leaving Dean alone in Purgatory… I don’t even know what I was thinking. I was so stupid,” you let out a humorless laugh. “I thought I was doing my best to protect him, but deep down I was trying to get away from him. From Sam. I caused so much pain in their lives, that it would be better if I just disappeared from their lives all together. 

“But those things I’ve confessed, those sins I’ve committed, they’re not even the icing on the cake. I have so many things just piling up that I could sit here forever, but I don’t have enough time. My greatest sin, the tip of the iceberg… What I want forgiveness from the most is how,” your voice broke as you choked back a sob. “My greatest sin is how many times I’ve let my brothers down.”

An ache settled in your chest as you confessed what you never thought you’d say out loud in a million years. Another breeze of wind brushed past you, and you took it as a sign that your confession was over. You wiped your face, leaving behind all the traces of your confession in that booth and stepped out, your guilt weighing on your soul heavier than before.

Crowley stared at you with a smug look on his face, no doubt he heard everything you had just said. Eyeing a roll of duct tape on the table with your gun, the needle, and holy water, you grabbed it and ripped a piece off, tightly taping the demon’s mouth shut.

“Not a word,” you sneered, walking out of the church. You saw Sam and Dean talking with Castiel at the Impala in hushed tones. You couldn’t make out what they were saying from the distance you were at, and crept closer to them to make something out.

“—You’re asking us to leave her, Cas. Now, if anybody needs a chaperone while doing all the heavy lifting, it’s [y/n]” you were able to make out from Dean’s whispering. His confession about you was like a slap in the face. Did he really not trust you that much? Thinking you needed a chaperone for everything you did?

“You should you,” you announced, startling your brothers. You knew Cas was aware of your presence, and did nothing to acknowledge him.

They turn to look at you, a guilty look on their faces. “Seriously,” you added, not wanting to continue this conversation.

“Yeah, and leave you alone with the King of Hell? Really?”

You frowned at Dean, not understanding why he can’t trust you to do this one thing. Did he really expect so little of you where he is always prepared for you to fuck up and need someone to clean up your mess?

“Yes, really,” you snapped. You ignored the look of hurt that crossed over his face. “You two can’t do anything to help me. This is on me. I think I can get through one little thing without fucking it up.”

“[Y/n], you know that’s not what this is about,” Sam said gently. “It’s not that we don’t trust you. We don’t trust Crowley.”

“Crowley is bound to where he sits,” you argued, “nothing, not even the king of Hell, can get through both a devil’s trap and the chains we have him in.”

“Fine,” Dean said, “Start the injections now. If we’re not back in eight hours, finish it, no questions, no hesitation.”

“Yeah,” was all you responded. Castiel placed a hand on each of your brother’s shoulders and with the flap of his wings he was gone, leaving you alone at the church. With a heavy sigh, you made your way back into the building, facing Crowley. His words to you were muffled under the duct tape, but that didn’t stop him from blabbing. With a roll of your eyes, you ripped the tape off of his mouth, ignoring his wince of pain.

“You really think injecting me with human blood is gonna make me human? Did you read that on the back of a cereal box?”

You ignored the demon as you picked up the needle, pushing it into the vein in your arm. You drew enough blood and slowly ejected it, and walked over to Crowley.

“Are you listening to me, brat?”

“Shut up,” you sneered, thrusting the needle into his neck. He howled in pain as you yanked the needle away.

“You're miles out of your league, kid,” Crowley barked at you as you turned your back on him.

“See you in an hour,” you called over your shoulder, walking to the table at the altar. Your arms began to glow that golden color that always appeared after you completed the trials. Why was it showing up now? You bit back your pain, your hands forming into tight fists, waiting for the pain to go away. When the light finally faded from your veins, you let out a breath of relief and sunk to the ground, your back resting against the altar. You looked up at the cracked statue of Jesus on the cross and closed your eyes, waiting for your watch to beep, signalling the next round of injections.

—————————————————————————————————————

When your watched finally beeped after an agonizingly long hour, your were up on your feet as fast as you could get, the needle already in your hand. You ejected more blood from your veins into the syringe and made your way back over to Crowley, who looked at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes. You ignored the look in his eyes and issued the second dose of injections into his neck. In the blink of an eye, Crowley’s head turned and his teeth sank into your forearm, hard enough to draw blood.

“What the fuck!” you exclaimed in pain, drawing your arm back and clutching the new wound in pain. You gave him an exasperated look before punching the demon across the face. “Seriously? Biting? What are we, five?”

You shook your head as you walked away from him, placing the needle back onto the table. You spared Crowley another bitch-face as you walked out of the church, slamming the door behind you. You walked to the trunk of the Impala and grabbed bandages to wrap up your arm. As you secured the bandages, your arms began to glow again, and you fell to the rubble on your knees.

“Stop it,” you groaned as the light grew brighter. “Please.”

Finally, the light faded again, leaving you struggling to get a grip on your breathing. With struggle, you turned your body to sit upright against the Impala, your head falling back, staring at the sky. The sun had begun to set in the distance, the sky painted with beautiful sparks of color.

“I can do this,” you whispered determined to yourself, “I can do this.”

—————————————————————————————————————

Another hour had passed by and you made your way back into the church, stuffing more bandages in your pocket before doing so. At the sound of the door opening and closing, you heard Crowley chuckle.

“How we doin’, Fatale? Ready for another round of injections?” he asked, a joyous tune to his voice. You ignored him and filled the syringe with another dose of your blood.

“Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes,” he began singing, you instantly recognizing the David Bowie song, “turn and face the strange. Ch-ch-changes, just gonna have to be a different man. Time may change me, but I can't trace—”

His singing was cut off by a loud sound, the church beginning to rumble. You quickly turned to face Crowley who seemed unfazed by the sudden shock to the church.

“What did you do?” you shouted at him over the sound of the quake. He remained stoic, but the hint of a devilish smirk rose to his face. The floorboards began to creak under your feet, a large crack running down until it severed the devil’s trap that you painted right down the center.

“Did you really think you could kidnap the King of Hell and no one was gonna notice, dumb nuts?”

An expression of fury and fear took over your features as the door to the church were ripped open, Abbadon revealing herself on the other side of the door.

“Now that’s what I call an entrance,” she gloated, patting herself on the back.

“Abbadon?” Crowley questioned. “They told me you were dead.”

“So not.”

“Where’s the rest of the cavalry?”

“It’s just little ol’ unkillable me,” she smirked. You turned quickly, reaching for your discarded gun, but with a wave of her hand, Abbadon sent you flying across the church and into the wall, your head slamming against the wood. You groaned as you landed on your stomach, your vision going blurry.

“Brilliant. Why send in a few grunts when you can send in a knight? Say your prayers, Fatale,” Crowley smirked. You tried to get up, but the Knight waved her hand again and sent you through the stained glass window to your right, immediately falling unconscious.

—————————————————————————————————————

When you came back to, it took you a minute to remember what had happened. You scrambled to your feet, hoping not a lot of time had passed in your impromptu siesta. Looking around for a weapon that you could use against Abbadon, your eyes settled on the jar of holy oil you had given to Sam. He must of left it for you, in cast of an emergency. You let out a silent thank you and patted your jacket pockets, striking gold when you felt your father’s lighter in your pocket.

You crept to the entrance of the church where the doors were still open and peered inside, eyes landing on Abbadon hovering over Crowley. You snuck inside, careful to step around any loose pieces of wood to prevent any unnecessary noises to alert your presence.

“Right now, you and I are going to talk about a regime change,” Abbadon said, crouching down to send another punch to Crowley’s face.

“You little whore,” he barked, “I am your king!”

She punched him again, this time hard enough to shut him up. When she went to stand back up, you ran forward and threw the holy oil over her body.

“Burn, bitch,” you spat, throwing the lighter on her. You watched with a smirk as her body lit up in flames and she screamed in pain as her vessel burned. Her mouth opened wide and she exited the body before any further harm was done to her, and she escaped the church in a flash of black smoke.

Without wasting any time, you made work of picking Crowley back up and fixing the chair so it was back in the devil’s trap. He groaned as he came back to consciousness, watching you with a glint of something… admiration, maybe? to his eyes.

“You did good back there, Fatale,” he congratulated you. “I'll deny it if you ever quote me, but I'm a proud man. I'm proud of you.”

You ignored his comment, instead focused on gabbing the can of spray paint you left on the table to fix the trap where it broke.

“Wait, what are you doing?” he asked.

“What does it look like?” you snapped, overly agitated at the events that had just transpired. You finished up the devil’s trap and threw the can to the side, it clattering to the ground noisily.

“Are you joking?” he asked, incredulously. “I just saved your life!”

“Seriously?” you dead-panned.

“Seriously? Me, seriously? We just shared a foxhole, you and I. We beat back the Tet Offensive, outrun the --the Rape of Nanking together! And still you're gonna do me like this?!”

You ignored his tangent and grabbed the needle, filling it up with your blood and jamming it into his neck before he could get another word in.

“Aah! Aah!” he exclaimed in pain, before a whole new emotion washed over him. “Band of Brothers? The Pacific?” he asked. “None of this means anything to you? All those motels, you never once watched HBO, not once?” You shook your head at him, confused at where he was going. “Girls? You're my Marnie, Fatale. A-and Hannah, she just—she needs to be loved. She deserves it. Don't we all—you, me; we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved!” he shouted, before lowering his voice back down to a whisper, “I just want to be loved.”

You cocked your head the the demon. “What?” you asked.

A confused look washed over him, and his expression mirrored yours. “What?”

As the moment of Crowley’s tangent passed, a wave of fatigue passed over you. The pain of where the needle was injecting into you suddenly took a toll on you. You walked back over to the table and placed it down, grabbing the spare bandages from your pocket. You wrapped where the puncture wounds were tightly, wishing right about now you had some extra strength tylenol. You took more blood from your opposite arm, wanted to be prepared for the next dose of injections just in case something else was going to happen.

“Would it be possible, Fatale, I’d like to ask you a favor,” Crowley spoke, his voice sounded drained and exhausted. “[Y/n], earlier you were confessing back there, and… well, I didn’t hear much, not really, so I’d like to know what you said.” You gave him a look that read ‘that’ll never happen.’ At the sight of your expression, he instantly clarified his statement. “ I only ask because, given my history...it raises the question... Where do I start...to even look for forgiveness? I mean…” he trailed off.

You paused, shocked at the revelation. The cure, it was working.

“You start with this.”

You held the needle out in your hand, showing him what you meant. Crowley tilts his head to the side, exposing his neck where the marks of the past injections were. You gently pushed the needle through at his submission, and unlike the past ones, he showed no signs of pain, but rather contentment.

“This is going to work, Crowley,” you reassured. “You’re going to be cured, and you’ll be redeemed. I promise.”

A gust of wind blasted through the church, and your arms began to glow again, but this time there was no pain. “We’re almost done,” you whispered, not sure Crowley even heard you. “It’s time.”

You took a deep breath and began the exorcism, the final piece to purify him. “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, hanc animam redintegra, lustra.”

As you pulled your knife from its holder, the light grew brighter, and you sliced across your palm. You walked closer to Crowley, and as you were about to feed him your blood, footsteps barreled through the church.

“[Y/n]! Stop!,” you turned at the noise, coming face to face with the worried looks of your brothers. You backed up from them, your hip bumping into the arm of Crowley’s chair, a confused expression on your face.

“Easy there,” Sam coaxed gently, putting his hands up. “Take a deep breath.”

“There’s been a slight change of plans,” Dean said, slightly more aggressive than Sam.

“What? What’s going on?” you asked. “Where’s Cas?”

“Metatron lied,” Sam explained. “Him and Naomi are going to confront him.”

You shook your head at him, still not understanding what was going on.

“You finish these trials, you’re dead,” Dean said bluntly, trying to get you to understand what was happening. You looked between your two brothers, then back at Crowley. You scoffed and shook your head, looking back to face them.

“So?” you said, your voice slightly breaking.

Sam and Dean’s faces melted from worry to an emotion you couldn’t place, but it was somewhere along the lines of hurt and betrayal. Betrayal. Even now, after you’ve confessed and sought forgiveness, you were still letting your brothers down in ways you couldn’t stop. It had to stop. Finishing these trials with your death, it’ll all stop.

“Look at him!” you exclaimed, pointing down to Crowley. “Look at him! Look at how close we are! Other people will die if I don't finish this! Who cares about me?”

You could feel the tears pricking at your eyes, but you ignored the sensation. Dean took a small step forward, his brow creasing. “Think about it. Think about what we know, huh? Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But we can't do it without you.”

“You can barely do it with me,” you fired back immediately. The confused look on his face egged you to continue. “I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone, remember?” you couldn’t help the single tear that fell from your eyes as your voice cracked on the last word.

Sam frowned. “That’s not what he meant—”

“No, that’s exactly what he meant!” you exclaimed, cutting him off. You let out a humorless chuckle. “You want to know what I confessed in there?” you asked, pointing to the confession booth with the hand that you didn’t cut. “Do you want to know what my ultimate sin was? The thing that held me down the most?”

When neither of them answered, you continued. “My greatest sin was—is— how many times I’ve let the two of you down. I can’t keep doing it. Not again. Finishing this, it’ll end it all.”

“[Y/N]—” Sam tried, but you continued talking.

You held back a sob as the tears finally began falling. “You two don’t trust me anymore, I can see it in the way you look at me. Like I need one of you with me at all times. You haven’t trusted me in a long time, and it took me awhile to realize it, but now that I have I feel so fucking stupid for not seeing it before.” Another humorless laugh escaped your lips.

“I know I’ll never earn your trust back, there’s nothing else I can do to prove that I love you both more than anything. You don’t see it, and I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired of watching you guys turn to other people when you get sick of me.” At their confused expressions, you elaborated. “Who will it be next? Another demon? Another angel? Another vampire?” You shook your head.

“You have no idea what it feels like to see the two people you thought—”

“Hold on, hold on!” Dean cut you off, finally breaking you from your tangent.

“You seriously think that?” Sam questioned, taking a step forward to be back in-line with his brother. “Because none of it, none of it is true.”

“Listen, [Y/n],” Dean began, “I know we’ve had our disagreements, all of us, okay? Hell, I know I have said some really fucked up things to get you thinking the way you are but you need to understand… I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you.”

Your shoulders slumped at his confession, and the tears fell faster from your eyes. You looked between Sam and Dean, then down at your bleeding hand, and in a split second you made your decision. You turned and brought your hand up to Crowley’s mouth, and instantaneously you felt him drinking your blood. The pounding in your ears resumed, and you barely heard Sam shouting words of protest behind you.

You pulled your hand away, and the light erupted throughout your entire body. “Kah-nuh-ahm-dahr,” you whispered. Crowley let out a gasp, his eyes flicking to his demonic red, then faded completely back to his human eye color.

“It worked,” you laughed, turning to face your brothers. They looked at you with wide eyes, not daring to move. You had no time to celebrate your victory of the trials, instead a large rumbling echoed throughout the church, and the ground began to crack again.

This time, underneath the cracks in the ground, a hellish light peeked through, eating away at the floorboards. A hole opened up underneath your feet and you jumped back far enough to the edge, opposite of your brothers as your watched with wide eyes as black smoke broke through all the windows of the church, glass shattering everywhere. The sound of hundreds, if not thousands, of demons screamed as they were forced back into hell against their will. The wind picked up harshly and you were thrown back from the portal to hell, losing the sight of Sam and Dean through the smoke.

When every last demon was through the portal, it closed up tightly, no signs of what had just happened anywhere. When the smoke cleared and the dust settled, you looked across to your brothers, a smile creeping up on your face.

“I did it,” you whispered, pinching yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming.

Your heart hammered in your chest and you groaned at the pressure, stammering back an inch. Immediately, Sam and Dean were at your side as your legs began to give out, helping you to the ground. “I did it,” you repeated, your voice getting weaker, your eyelids becoming heavier.

“Yeah, [Y/N],” Sam sniffled, “you did it.” He gripped your hand tightly, squeezing it in his large one.

You smiled weakly up at him, using what little strength you had to squeeze his hand back. You looked to your other side to Dean, whose eyes were red-rimmed.

“I’m s-sorry,” you whispered at him, at the both of them.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Dean said, finally looking over your pale form.

“You have to… you have to promise me,” you croaked out, struggling to get out your final words. You coughed, doubling over as it overpowered you. Raising your free hand to your mouth, you coughed up blood into it. “No bringing me back,” you finally said. “I’m at peace.”

“You can’t ask us to do that,” Sam said. You turned to look back at him, smiling sadly at him. You grabbed Dean’s hand with your free hand, feeling your last breaths creep up on you. You could have sworn you’d seen a person standing over Sam’s shoulder, but they had disappeared before your vision could focus.

“I love you both, so much,” you whispered, you eyes falling shut. Your grip on your brothers’ hands loosened, and your chest stopped rising and falling. Your head lulled to the side, your body completely still.

You stood over your two brothers, holding your body in their arms as they wept for you. A cold hand rested on your shoulder, and you turned around with a gasp.

“Tessa,” you said, staring at the reaper.

“[Y/N],” she greeted, a welcoming smile on her face. “It’s time.”

You nodded your head and she stuck out her hand. You spared one last look at your baby brothers, and grabbed her hand in yours, your soul leaving Earth to face judgement. You did not know where you were going to end up, if your final quest was good enough to outweigh all the shit you’ve done in your life.

You knew that Sam and Dean would be okay. They always were without you.

[gogoakechi]

12 21 and 25 for the luv asks!

thank you damien you always come through for me

12. what would be your ideal date?

not like ive been Thinking about it or anything but it would be pretty Great and Nice to spend halloween together. we could go to my aunt and uncles, like i do every year, and walk through the neighborhood looking at all the decorations. i guess itd be kinda weird meeting my family but i always feel Lonely at family gatherings and wish i had someone to connect with beside me. itd be nice to just take a walk, existing in each others presence, and go on this chill adventure through probably one of the fucking Busiest neighborhoods in town. so many houses go absolutely wild and theres always a ton of people out. and then when were done being away from home we can go back to my place and watch a movie or trade candy or try some weird ritual or something. im a satanist so ive got Special Stuff i hope to do on halloween night so if they wanna sit in thats Very Cool but if not they dont have to stay for it. i guess its just my equivalent of wanting to spend christmas together.

21. what is your favorite quote or lyric about love?

okay so i wanna say Two ill do a quote and a lyric

bringing back a song i mentioned earlier, those rusty drums, these my favourite lyrics about love just from what i can remember at the moment:

“And the human heart is the hardest partThe softest spot for the sharpest dartBut nothing, and I mean nothing, willFeel as real as when it's filled”

and then my favourite quote, again, from what i can remember, Also comes from something i mentioned earlier. its a weird kind of romantic comedy called juno and ive seen it like 46 times:

“The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still gonna think the sun shines out of you ass.”

juno has countless incredible and meaningful pieces of dialogue but that one gets me every time. ill admit the movie itself has some. Problems. but if youve ever got the time i highly recommend you watch it i Always cry

25. if you could date a celebrity, who would it be?

brian david gilbert it can only be brian david gilbert. have you seen him? have you listened to him? hes cute funny makes music and a little bit feral. celebrity crushes are weird and often bad but Dare I Say i have the vague hint of one. he is the love of my life. he is my ideal man. i know hes just another human being like any of us and what i experience of him is only his public presence but I Love You Brian David Gilbert.

(terepy the movie voice) LETS TALK ROMANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pinkykitten]

Standing Up

The Greatest Showman

Three - Legged Man x female! reader

Warning: the mob being buttholes, bullies, violence

Specifics: romance, fluff, man vs man, fall, pumpkin, race neutral reader

People:  Francesco “Frank” Lentini (three-legged man), you, the mob, P.T. Barnum (mentioned), P.T. Barnum family (mentioned)

Words: 1,732

Request: By anonymously Hi there! I've been reading through your blog (mainly tgs tag you have) and love your writing! 💕 I was wondering if I could maybe request a story for Frank, the three legged man? Maybe where the mob finds out about the two dating and start to target her and it gets to her, so Frank comforts her? Hope that's a good enough of a description 😄 Thanks!! ❤

Authors Note: hiya! thank u so much for liking my tgs writing. im so happy that i write for this fandom cuz honestly it deserves to much luv. thnx for requesting and i hope this was good enough. btw i luv this character like i would point him out every time i saw him he looks so cool! im sorry this took so long pls forgive me! i hope you enjoy and pls feedback is much appreciated. thnx!

You and Frank have been dating for a couple of months, loving every single moment you both shared with each other. 

Intertwining fingers, overwhelming hugs, countless of kisses, and so much more is the love you both posses. 

Meeting Frank was the best thing that has ever happened to you. You and Frank had greeted through a friend, and a very known friend at that. It was through Ralph Krooner aka the elephant - skinned man. Everything was history. 

You did not at all mind about Frank’s extra leg. You knew he was self conscious about it and just knowing that fact made your heart ache in sadness.

Unfortunately Frank wanted to keep your relationship a secret. Not wanting even a homeless cat to know. 

His reasoning? “I don’t want people to find out, love, because I don’t want you to get bullied or hurt because of me.”

You understood and respected his wishes. You didn’t want him to feel like he couldn’t trust you. 

“Oh look at how big this one is Frank!” You called to him, waving your hand in the direction of the object you were wanting to show Frank. It was Fall, you were bundled up enough but not too much. You had wanted to go to the market so badly last Fall but Frank was not comfortable yet to go. This time he made the effort to attend the Fall market. All just to make you happy. 

Frank walked to you and as he walked people stared. Some children and some adults. Scoffing, whispering things to each other. 

You so badly wanted to tell them off, tell them how rude they were being and how they should teach their children manners. But again, you had to keep your relationship with Frank a secret. 

It was hard in public. You wanted to call him love, sweetheart, all these pet names but you couldn’t, you had to call him Frank. You couldn’t even hold his hand in public. It was a nightmare! 

“What is it y/n? Are you okay?” He asked concerned. 

You nodded your head, “yes silly I am alright, but look what I found!” You squeal in delight as you show him a huge pumpkin. 

With a struggle you picked up the orange fruit (if it got seeds then it a fruit, at least thats what ive heard) to show to Frank, closer up. Frank tried to help you the best he could.

He did help immensely. 

“I’m sorry I can’t be much of help,” he looked down ashamed of himself. 

You softly placed your foot by his and he looked up wide eyed, “Thank you good sir for helping me carry this. You are very strong.”

You bit your lip as you saw how his muscles flexed from the weight of the pumpkin. Frank saw you admiring his arms and he smiled with a little giggle. 

“You are very welcome, beautiful madam.” 

You grinned and asked him if he could carry it to the paying tent. 

As you and him walked there more people stared, more people whispered. Some even laughed. Out of the corner of your eye you saw the worst of these bullies. The mob. They tormented and treated people differently from them with evil acts. They spit, threw things at them, and called them names. You glared at the leader of the mob. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have done that. 

As you went to the paying tent, the mob came to his side. 

“Oh look another freak!”

Frank, still holding the pumpkin, pushed you behind him, setting and arm in front of you in case anything were to happen you would be protected. 

“Men, we don’t want any trouble. Please let us get on with our day with no confrontation.” Frank tried to avoid the situation. 

“No, I think we’re good here. You helping out this young woman?” They all started hooting and hollering at you, whistling for you to come over. “C’mon little darling, we can show you a good time.”

Frank placed the pumpkin on a nearby table with anger, “How dare you talk to a woman like that? You outta be ashamed of yourselves.”

The leader of the mob cackled, “All women are whores!”

At that Frank almost lunged at the man, but quickly you placed your hands on Frank’s shoulder. Stopping him. 

Frank took deep breathes and you saw his hands turned into fists. He was very irate!

The men laughed so hard, holding their bellies. “What kinda man are you? Can”t even protect your whore. I mean look at ya, god must’ve hated you when he created ya. I mean he gave you an extra leg.” They all laughed again. 

You could tell Frank was trying to hold back his tears. Feeling useless. 

You became furious! You, elegantly walked up to the men. They all hushed and the leader raised his brow, thinking you were coming for some alone time. 

Next thing you knew, you slapped the man hard on the face. His eyes went red and he looked so angry. 

“You don’t ever call me that again, you hear! I am not some toy that you get to play around with. I am a woman and I should, no I deserve respect. And you should go to hell for saying those mean comments to my love!”

Everyone seeing the scene and the mob gasped. 

“Thats right, I, a woman, love him,” you point to Frank who is standing there shocked at your words. “You do not have the right to bring people down and to hurt their feelings just because they look different. You have no right! He deserves the same respect as everyone else. He is so amazing and so kind, he shouldn’t be treated this way. So I think that is enough, and if you would like another slap, you know where to find me.”

You then took Frank’s hand in yours and walked to the pumpkin to buy it. As you almost picked it up the leader of the mob grabbed it first and with a snarl said, “I don’t like your little threats whore, you best be careful what you say now, or else.”  

He then raised the pumpkin high and threw it to the ground making the pumpkin splash everywhere. 

“I was gonna buy that you monster!”

You were so excited for this pumpkin because you had wanted to make so many dishes and desserts for Frank. But now it was ruined, you seeing the pumpkin patch was empty of pumpkins. 

“Too bad,” spit the leader, giving you a hard slap on your face as well. You fell to the ground, your cheek already swelling. Your dress ruined with dirt. And the people, the people laughing. 

Frank flung himself to the leader and started punching him with all his might. Lets just say Frank was winning. Not letting the leader out of his sight. 

Just then P.T. Barnum came out with his family in the back of him to break up the fight. He held back Frank and you can tell Frank was happy to see him.

Frank looked to you feeling like he wanted to comfort you but you just stood up and ran away. 

“My love, wait, please,” you heard Frank’s calls. But you didn’t want to, you couldn’t stay anymore. 

Tears streamed down your face, they were never ending. You felt this day and age people will never understand you. You felt lost. You felt weak. You were pretending to be this tough girl when on the inside you were fragile and scared. But you don’t regret any second of it. You got your point across, you showed the world that you do love Frank, and that you would take any slap for him. 

You went to your house and hurried with your keys to unlock the door. You sprinted inside. 

In your house you felt safe and protected. Nobody could see or hurt you. 

You sat on one of the kitchen chairs and just wept. They were uncontrollable. You felt humiliated. 

“Oh god, I’m so terrible. I even left Frank there. Well, at least Phineas is there.” You spoke aloud to yourself, sniffling in the middle. You grabbed a handkerchief and blew your nose. 

You then hear your doorbell ring. You try to regain your composure and make yourself look presentable.

You look through the blinds to see Frank standing there. His hair all disheveled, his clothes out in some places. He looked very worried. 

“My love are you okay?”

You stood there, leaning on the door frame. You smiled and the tears came back, you hugged Frank crying on his shoulder. 

“It hurt me what they said to you Frank.” 

Frank nodded and placed both hands on your cheeks, kissing the swelling of the slap. “Y/n, I didn’t want you to do that for me. You got hurt because of it. I knew this would happen.”

You looked up at him and shook your head. “I did what I was meant to do, protect you. Defend you. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. And I don’t care who sees anymore, I want the whole world to know that you and me are together, in love.” You laced your fingers with his, and kissed his hand. 

Frank looked at you adoringly, “are you sure, beautiful? You may regret it.”

You brought his face to you and whispered, “never.”

You and him shared a deep, emotional kiss. Some people passing by looked at you two. You didn’t care anymore, you wanted to shout to the heavens how much you loved this man. 

After the kiss Frank leaned his forehead against yours, “I am so sorry they hurt that perfect face of yours. Thank you y/n, for standing up for me today. Nobody has ever done that except Mr. Barnum. I love you so much.”

You smiled, Frank brushed your tears away. “I love you, my sweetheart.” You kissed Frank again. 

“I have a surprise for you,” Frank chuckled grabbing something from behind him. 

“What is it?”

Frank then brought out a huge pumpkin, bigger than the one you had earlier. You jump up and down in delight. 

“Oh my god thank you so much Frank! I love it, its perfect!” You hop to him, giving him a big embrace. “Its perfect,” you whispered to him. “Just like you.”

[rawring-rainbows]

The Queen’s pajamas

She was woken up by her potential girlfriendand her story is still being worked on if you wanna read the notes and rough draft so far here you are

Our Queen found a living island fixed it up and discovered it travelled different  dimensions and worlds

Queen Eclipse her two orbs floating above her shoulders holds back her true  (as corny as it sounds).. form

Her body and soul is directly connected to the living island when those little marbles fall she forms into this huge beast lays

behind her castle/Huge body of water (I cant decide) She goes to sleep and also so does the island No one knows for sure

what happends during this time besides her royal higher ups During this time its dark and most of the creatures plants etc seem to be put at rest things are dim dark and calm and

normally people can leave the island but no one can it looks almost as if theres a barrier around it During this time the entire kingdom starts this gigantic festival they play games they eat food they meditate they do

mminor rituals but this most import thing is laying your dominant hand on the royal beast and the other on your heart and

telling her that you believe in her and thank her for all that she's done as well as a what you hope for when the sun comes

up again Her form gets smaller and smaller as time goes on but when she wakes up shes happy and rejuvinated like her people who

canot help be filled with an explosive amount of happieness but so does the entire continent harvests are plentiful and

delicious flowers bloom trees are full of fruit the hopeless have hope the sick are healed all sorts of miracles happen

except one the dead cannot be raised and the wicked use this strange phenomenon for one thing.. To Kill without regret

You finally earned your way to the top of the royal hierarchy to get some sort of answer is to what the Queen does while

she sleeps a tall wise looking creature looks down at you with his hands behind his back an expression and peircing eyes

that gave you this feeling he could read u like a book."What would you do if you were a God?" He gives you no time to

answer "One God of many who takes over a world and play with those puppet strings as you please and make your ideal

world..Would you abandon it? Would you get bored? With endless time and power what do you do with this immortal life?" He

finally answers a question "You become atleast a quarter mortal..Taking on the life among your people but! Is it enough?

NO!!" The sudden outburst startles you but he keeps a calm expression "Do you take a small part of an enormous world and

make it your own? What kind of God would make one's self slightly vulnurable  while taking the lives from countless God

Ruling worlds of your very own kind? Is this God planning to make a Utopia for many?......Or To grow strong enough to wage

war and flip that coin calling heads to who will be the ruler of ALL worlds?...And will you be strong enough to live

through to thank the one who ripped off a peice of herself to show you how lucky you are to stand on the grounds of someone

who could erase u from existance with the flick of her wrist..Will you be thankful to the one who allowed you to be a part

of the game that no matter what you do you cannot stop..or will you realize All you can do is attempt to give her the heart

to try her damnest to allow you to survive in an existence where others like herself wont have a smidgen of pity for you?..

"

"You ever hear the term a captain goes down with their ship?" The Queen asks looking up at the stars. You Nod. "You see

those stars up there?.....They're sunken ships... God's are not made of flesh of blood..They're pure energy and each one of

them swimming around up there looks for...hmm...how do i put this...They look for shelter and they feed on energy and when

a God First manifests they're very fragile..and easily consumed its a battle to live on untill they find theyre set

home..Some are stronger then others and build their hearts in several worlds some have dozens some settle with one" her

eyes darted up with a look of pain on her face. "Some dont make it..Their people they work so hard to grow and have their

planet thrive..either destory eachother or destroy their God..If a God dies in their shell its people could thrive for some

time but then..." she pointed to one of the brightest stars in the sky that was soon shut off like a light. "Theyre used to

fuel the next world" You asked which one is she like. She grinned eared to ear. "Im a special kind...the kind that doesnt

like to be tied down..The kind that's deeply afraid not only to lose my own life but the ones who grew with me and

Thrived!" She took a deep excited breath then sighed.  "Though I took a big risk being different from the others..I have no

idea what's in our future..but!..I will work hard enough so that we have a big chance for it to work out in the end..Most

God's abandon their children..Most God's just watch them grow thrive and destroy eachother while sitting back without a

care because they only think about themselves...Me...I want to work together.." She lifted her glass of wine. "If the plan

works smoothly we'll be unstoppable if not well.." She clinked her glass against yours and lifted hers up again. "To an

unexpected future!!"

"When do you feel the most mortal?" You asked the queen who was scratching her chin in thought. "I...How do I put

this...Any sort of pain...emotional,physical,etc I do not feel immidiatly..I feel just enough to settle the situation at

that moment..whether its comfrontation..or a fight i feel about 5 to 25 percent of any sort of negative feeling...untill

later..when theres no one around..when theres no danger my people cant handle..I break down..I cry..my chest hurts..my

heart breaks..I throwup and so on and so fourth...for centuries i would wonder why this happend...then i realized..I use my

immortality as a shield and dont give my mortality a chance to breath..its something ive been trying to work on for a long

time..others who ive told this secret to said they've felt something similiar to that..that its because we hurt for others

and put everything holding us back aside for those including ourselves.. Who are we if we do not protect others while

they're weak as our parents who have provided us with shelter while we were young?.. We're all still young you know...Young

and afraid Unsure of our futures no matter how hard we work for them..Life is tough and brutal as Hell and its nice to have

someone to protect you when you need it most..I dont mind having these moments..Pain isnt so bad when it reminds you that

you're alive.."

God's are very territorial shes nervous Oh my Stars!..Look she's sweating!" You say as you watched her talked to the group

of Gods. "She's fine she's smart but very cautious these are her friends-"  You interupt him. "Ticking time bombs you mean!

any one of them can turn around and attempt to kill her or kill someone else-" "She wouldnt allow that! She would rather

lay down her life then allow them to put us in danger..." You look to the side with uncertainty "What is one life to a God

thats rules over many?" You sighed and clutched your chest trying to still your racing heart.

When two Gods fight it's...Ugh! I'm a journalist! Im risking my life on the surface and i dont even know how to explain this!"  Adrenaline pumped through your veins you were panicking there was two  gargantuan God's standing thousands of feet from you ready to Rip into eachother. "What to do What to do" You say quickly pacing back and fourth Suddenly CRACK BOOM! Heat rushes over you as you fall and eat dirt you look up over the stone you stood behind leaning over and watching it slowly start to disintegrate, but that didnt matter just yet you're writers block was destroyed at this very moment and you had to write this down "Through Mortal eyes this fight looked as if two Colossal flames were trying to engulf eachother-" You start to say but just like that it was almost over the enemy was tossed in your direction as you watched in shock it skid across the ground and stopped 10 feet from you The Goddess who ruled over the ground you stood on seemed to appear on top it then immidiatly looked right into your eyes. "She stared at me..Its like looking into one thousand suns though it doesnt burn.." You say out loud attempting to write it down without looking The monumental beings expression started to change. "Her expression went from pure fury that melted into absolute worry..You look tired.." You said softly it was like talking to an intelligent beast who said nothing but you could tell how it was feeling. The deity suddenly started using her last bit of strength on her enemy pressing her enormous forearm on its throat struggling against her grip. "Stop! Don't worry about me! Fight this guy with a better strategy! You could die!" You braced for impact There was a loud crack and a deafening sound of thunder you soon after looked up. "The Enemy was destroyed in an explosion of pure white..It's snowing diamonds..She's ok..She won....Risking her life for one weak being who stood on her grounds which she ruled....and im in love with her"

[teamkaiforever]

LOST          - PART IV

Kai Parker x Reader word count: 5 399 summary: concludes the story from the previous chapters [Part I -Part II - Part III ] though trust me, this is not the end. 😉 *gif by me KEEP READING AFTER THE CUT ❤ _________________________________________

   “Where is he?“ she ran into the Salvatore Boarding house, Stefan and Matt barely able to catch up with her. Her eyes were puffier and redder than ever from all the crying but she didn’t care. She didn’t care she had ran out of home wearing her fuzzy slippers either. There was only one thing that mattered to her. “Damon! Damon, where –”    “Upstairs with Caroline. Y/N, don’t –“ Y/N didn’t wait for him to finish and ran towards the second floor without a second look, climbing the stairs two at a time. There it was again. This pit in her stomach she had felt since this morning only now it was threatening to swallow her whole. A part of her had known something like this would happen, the other had refused to believe her life was that messed up and happiness would remain far out of reach. Barely able to catch her breath she ran into the only room with an open door and almost fell on the ground at the sight before her. Her heart stopped and it felt as if all air was being pulled out of her lungs at once, along with her heart painfully slowly being ripped out of her chest.    “Oh my God –” she covered her mouth, feeling tears streaming down her cheeks. Y/N closed her eyes and took a deep breath or at least tried to. There was no way for her to ever breathe again after this. Someone took a step behind her and wrapped their hands around her. Y/N closed and another tear rolled down her cheek, the sound of her heart breaking audible in the room.

EARLIER THAT SAME MORNING

Kai tilted his head towards Y/N wondering what her words meant. His arms tightened around her and he sighed. Barely a few hours away from finding out how to end this nightmare for the both of them, so many things swirled in his mind quite literally making his head spin. They had been together for three whole weeks now. Together without actually being together the way they used to be. Every now and then he’d find himself a heartbeat away from kissing her, from touching her the way he wanted… the way he had so many times before all this mess. But as much as it hurt not being able to do any of those things, in a way he was happy because three weeks ago he had thought he’d never get to be with her. To wake up and fall asleep next to her and have a family. He had thought he’d lose her forever and that their shared moments while he had been in her head would be their last. And thanks to Seline now he lived every night for almost a month with this fear eating at him every second of every day.    “Y/N?“    “Yeah?”    “You and I –“ he started. “Do you think we could ever be… like we used to be? That we can fix what was broken and have a future together?”    "I – well, it won’t be exactly like we used to be, but the future we are going to have depends on – us.“    “Us ?” he said with a small smile. “There is an ‘us’?” Y/N smiled. “I think there has always been an ‘us’. That – there always will be an ‘us’. No matter what.” she intertwined their fingers together, gazing in his eyes. Kai glanced at their hands together and smiled. ‘There always will be an us. No matter what.’ her words echoed in his mind and he felt more than a flicker of hope. There was a bright large spark growing brighter by the second starting to consume him. Maybe after today things will fall into place. Maybe, just maybe, he was going to get a chance be happy. To spend every moment of every day with the girl he loved and their son for the rest of eternity.    “Kai?“ she interrupted his thoughts. “Hello? Are you here with me? What’s the plan?”    “Um yeah, yeah.“ he cleared his throat. “Well, first Alaric is coming to pick up Peter after breakfast for a play date. He promised to keep him safe along with my sister’s twinsies. Then your bestie Steven and your blonde deputy friend are coming to stay with you while I, Damon, Bon Bon and Candice go deal with the siren at the Armory. We weaken the siren and I sneak into her mind, find what I need to end this nightmare and get your memories back. And I have left a few vials with my blood in the fridge in case that mind control kicks in during the day, which it won’t so you don’t have to worry about it.”    “That’s it?“    “That’s it.” he smiled. “Easy and simple. And when you get your memories back you get to decide what happens with… us.”    “That’s not a choice for me to make on my own.“    “Only you can make this choice.” he smiled, gently kissing her forehead before getting up from bed. “Breakfast?”    “No, thanks. I actually don’t feel like eating.“ she sat up, running her fingers through her hair. “But I wouldn’t say ‘no’ to a hot steaming cup of coffee.”    “With nutmeg?“ he asked, Y/N nodded. “Coming right up.” he started to get up when she pulled him back, longingly gazing into his eyes. “What is it sweet cheeks?”    “N-nothing.“ she let go after almost a whole minute. “And no sugar.”    “I know.“ he smiled at her, gently kissing her forehead before turning around. For a long moment she sat there, starring after him while the first sun rays seeped through the window. Memories or no memories being with Kai felt like the most right thing in the world and there hadn’t been a moment since they had met where she had regretted giving him a chance. In fact the longer they spent together the more she realised how her friends’ vision of him was wrong. They said there was no sliver of good in him, but there was and even though he was capable of being the monster they saw, he wasn’t one. He was just… Kai. Someone who just like her and all her friends had been through so much and all he wanted was to be happy, get to live the life he wanted with the people he loved and who love him just as much in return. Because deep down she knew she loved him. She wasn’t sure in what way yet – a friend? A hero who has saved her life countless times? Or as something more… And Peter? Their son seemed to love him most. They had bonded and somehow Kai always got through to him when she couldn’t. A sigh left her lips and she glanced at the clock – 7.25AM, before heading towards Peter’s room to wake him up. Breakfast was cheerier than she had anticipated, or maybe she was imagining it and thats how things were now. Y/N watched her boys make funny faces while Kai thaught Peter how to be a real pancake face monster – cutting out eye and mouth holes in the pancake for placing it over his face as a mask, their son doing the same. Peter would say ’I am pancake monster and I want syyruuppp.’ and she’d pretend to be scared while watching Kai smile widely at Peter and their son smile even wider back at him. Both of them kept glancing at her from time to time and it felt as if they had done this forever, not only for a month and she couldn’t help but think how by all definitions they were a family. After breakfast, almost like clockwork, Alaric showed up to pick up Peter. Y/N knelt down, zipping up Peter’s sweatshirt before helping him to put his Car’s themed backpack on. Peter’s arms wrapped around her tightly and Y/N closed her eyes, barely able to make herself let go of him.    “You be good today.“ said Y/N, brushing her palm against Peter’s cheeks. “No pranks, however much you want to play one. Promise?”    “I promise, mommy.“ said Peter. As soon as she let go off him the little boy ran towards Kai, jumping directly into his father’s arms. His tiny hands hooked around his neck and Kai closed his eyes for a moment. It hadn’t been the first time the little boy had done this but somehow it felt different, he just couldn’t figure out why.    “Alright… we gotta go.” smiled Alaric, glancing at the car where currently a couple of objects were flying inside and people were starting to stare. Kai shot Alaric a glance and headed towards the door, letting the little boy’s feet on the ground.    “See ya later, trouble.“ said Kai, ruffling his son’s hair. Peter took Alaric’s hand and took a few steps before suddenly stopped and turned around towards his parents. "Love you mommy. Love you daddy.” Kai stood frozen for a moment, tears filling in his eyes. “Love you too, trouble.” Y/N rested her head on Kai’s shoulder, glancing up at him while watching Peter get in the car with Lizzy and Josie.    “He called me dad.“ whispered Kai. "H-he called me dad! Oh my God! W-when did you tell him?” he turned towards her.    “Me? I didn’t tell anyone anything.“    “Then how –?!” he wiped a tear from his cheek, refusing to meet her eyes. Crying always made him feel uncomfortable. “D-do you want a cupcake? I want a cupcake.” Kai headed towards the kitchen with Y/N right behind him. He knew sometimes people cried when they were happy but actually experiencing it felt strange to say the least, yet in a way he liked it. He reached for one of the cupcakes on the counter and closed his eyes, feeling her arms wrap around him from behind.    “I’ve already decided.“ she said quietly watching him slowly turn around. Y/N gazed into his eyes, wiping away a tear from his cheek with her thumb. "You, me and Peter… Regardless of what happens today. Memories or no memories. We are a family. Always and forever.”

   “How did this happen?“ asked Y/N, pushing away Stefan’s hands before taking a few steps inside the room until reaching the bed where Kai currently laid unconscious. Caroline stepped aside wiping her bloody fingers in a small towel after dropping the last wooden bullet into a glass container. As Y/N got closer taking a better look realizing there were more than a few bullet holes with black veins spreading from each of them – werewolf toxin. The wounds weren’t healing and one of those bullet holes was way close to Kai’s heart.    “Everything was going according to plan. Seline was weakened and he slipped into her mind. Then something must’ve gone wrong and Seline escaped. Kai went after her. Somehow she got her hands on the hunters’ wooden bullets laced with werewolf toxin and shot him. Before he blacked out he told me to tell you that he loves you and Peter and if anything should happen to him –”    “N-no.“ she shook her head. "Don’t – just don’t. If he wants me to know, he will have to tell me himself. W-why isn’t he waking up?”    “He should wake up soon.“ said Stefan taking a step inside. "With the bullets out, he should wake up at any moment, but –”    “Caroline… Call Klaus. Now.“ she pressed her hand against his forehead. His skin was warm to the touch and there were sweat drops. His eyes were closed and his breathing was so shallow, it almost wasn’t there. "Caroline, please I – I can’t lose him.”    “I already called. He is not picking up.“    “Then call him again and again until he picks up the damn phone!” she raised her voice, her mind spinning like crazy. How it was possible that Klaus wouldn’t pick up his phone if it was Caroline calling ?! With all this werewolf toxin, Kai didn’t have long and even if Klaus picked up there won’t be time for him to get here. And then something surfaced in her mind. “K-Kai told me at the wedding, Tyler bit him but he siphoned the werewolf bite.“ she thought outloud, realising he couldn’t possibly siphon the magic if he was unconscious.    “Lizzy and Josie.” muttered Caroline. “They can siphon it away.”    “I’ll call Rick.“ said Stefan, pulling out his phone.    “I’ll stay with him.” said Y/N, taking Kai’s hand in hers. “Not going anywhere until he wakes up.” Caroline smiled sympathetically at her. “Y/N… just in case things don’t work out.. you might want to say… goodbye.”    “No one is saying goodbye!” protested Y/N without taking her eyes off Kai for a second while her friends left, the door closing with a muffled thud. A sigh left her lips and she continued caressing his face for a few moments before going to the bathroom to get a towel and a bowl with water to clean up the blood covering his chest. She opened his shirt and carefully started to work without taking her eyes off him for a second. Three weeks, that’s how long they had been living at the same house, sleeping in the same bed… Whatever had stirred inside her quite literally blew up the moment she saw him lying there unconscious and the thought of losing him scared her literally to death. That’s when she realized she had fallen in love with him all over again. He wasn’t just a friend or just Peter’s father, Kai was the man she loved and losing him again, even if she didn’t have the memory of the first time she did, she knew if that happened it will actually kill her this time.    “Wake up.” she leaned in towards him, whispering in his ear. “I need you. Peter needs you. Come back to me, to us. Please.”

Kai left the pancake-face on the plate, glancing at Y/N who seemed lost in her thoughts, not even paying attention to the amount of maple syrup Peter was just about to pour onto his pancakes. He grabbed the syrup from the little boy’s hands and moved it out of his reach. A sigh left his lips and he turned towards her. He didn’t have to ask what she was thinking about to know she was worried about his plan and knew he had to distract her somehow.    “Smile.“ he poked her stomach, watching her lips curl into a small smile. “You are too serious.”    “I am not.“ she protested, gazing into his eyes. A long moment passed and then all of the sudden he started tickling her. "S-stop! K-Kai! St-op it!” Her laugh echoed in the house along with Peter’s and Kai’s, who continued tickling her until she almost fell off the chair and he pulled her onto his lap in vampire speed. Her hands hooked around his neck and his found their way on her waist while she leaned in slowly towards him, both of them gazing into each other’s eyes. Kai lightly brushed his fingers against her cheek, tucking in a strand of hair behind her ear listening to her heart beating like crazy in her chest and he knew it had nothing to do with the fact she had been laughing.  Y/N shifted on his lap moving a little closer, both of them forgetting about Peter being there until he knocked over the maple syrup bottle and got his clothes covered with syrup.    “Sorry, mommy.“ he muttered, trying to wipe the sticky substance from his shirt with his hands and failing. Kai and Y/N glanced at him and then at each other, both starting to laugh. Y/N swung her leg off his lap m.    “Come on, pancake monster.” she said softly, scooped Peter up into her arms. “Let’s get you changed before uncle Alaric comes to get you.”    “I’ll get a jump start on the dishes.” said Kai, getting up. “And that laundry.”    “My hero.“ she winked at him, walking right past him with their son, turning around more than a few times to look at him as he started cleaning up the table. A sigh escaped his lips watching her go upstairs, listening in on their conversation the entire time.    “Perfect timing, Peter.” he muttered smiling. Twice in the past 12 hours they had almost kissed and now he couldn’t stop thinking about anything else but the memory of the feeling of his lips on hers. He took a step towards the sink when all of the sudden he heard Y/N scream, the sound followed by gun shots. A piercing pain shot through his body again and again and he glanced at his hands and clothes. They were covered in blood. His shirt was ripped open and there were bullet holes with black veins spreading from them. Someone laughed behind him and he turned around seeing Seline holding a gun and Y/N along with Peter on the ground at the siren’s feet. He tried to move and get to his family but couldn’t. All he did was tumble to the ground, last thing he saw before his eyes closed was Y/N and her hand outstretched towards his. He reached to take her hand in his when –    “Wake up! I need you!“ he heard her, her voice so strong and loud echoing in his mind capable to pull him from the brink. "Wake up!”

Kai took a sharp breath and his eyes slightly fluttered open and then closed again. Y/N watched his chest raise steadily and the black veins slowly starting to disappear. She shifted on the bed looking around confused when she realized there was a faint reddish glow from where his hand was resting on his chest. Slowly the black veins started to disappear and the wounds started to heal.    “Kai? Kai, can you hear me?“ she intertwined their fingers together and leaned over him. "Please, wake up. Wake up!” she grabbed his shoulder shaking him lightly.    “Ouch.“ he groaned, his eyes slowly opening.    “Kai!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. A moment later his arms wrapped around her, holding her towards him. “You idiot! I thought I lost you! Don’t you ever do that to me again or I will kill you myself!”    “Sorry, sweet cheeks. Wasn’t my intention.“ he smiled widely, watching her semi-hover over him. Kai tucked in a strand of hair behind her ear, both of them gazing into each other’s eyes. Time appeared to stay completely still, as if they were the only two people in the world. He started to say something when Y/N’s lips smashed against his, anxious. Her fingers tangled in his hair while his hands travelled up and down her back and he pulled her towards him, unable to get enough of her lips or having her this close to him again. Their lips moved hungrily against each other, getting more demanding by the second until suddenly she pulled away. Y/N stared at him, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, groaning quietly in pain and then, out of the blue, she slapped him.    “Idiot.”    “Ouch.“ he rubbed his cheek, watching her get up from the bed. Y/N was wearing the same clothes she had been wearing earlier in the day, still wearing her fuzzy slippers only her clothes now had blood stains and her eyes were puffier than he had ever seen them. "What was that for?!”    “How dare you get yourself killed?! Do you have any idea what I went through?!“ she raised her voice, trying to look anywhere but at his bare chest knowing the second she did she’d be rendered speechless. "Do you have any idea what Hell Peter would’ve gone through if you had died just now? Arrghh I hate you!”    “First of all – it was almost getting myself killed.“ he got up after her. "Second of all – why are you upset with me?”    “Because you were beyond reckless and stupid and –“    “I was only trying to help get your memories back and stop this midnight torture you are going through every night!”    “Oh, so you are the hero now!?“ Y/N headed towards the door and put her hand on the knob, opening the door when he pushed it closed again. He was standing so close to her, she could feel his body heat radiating towards her and her heart skipped a beat at the thought how close to her he was in that moment.    “No. I am the bad guy.” he whispered in her ear. “The worst of the worst. Some might say I am the Devil but you… you know better. And you are right. I am the biggest idiot –” Y/N tried to open the door again when his hand snaked around her waist and she froze on the spot. Her heart rate increased 10 fold feeling his breath tickling her neck and instantly she melted under his touch. Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment and her breath got caught in her throat for the billionth time since she had met him the second he force-spun her around, resting his forehead on hers.    “You really had me going there for a moment. Too bad you are such a bad liar.“ he smiled pulling her towards him. Their eyes met and it felt as if a billion pieces of her heart came together at once. Her eyes fluttered closed and the memory of how they had met played behind her eyelids. Their first kiss, their first time together. How after coming from 1903 he had sneaked into her bedroom scarying the hell out of her. How accidentally Matt had let it slip Kai was at the Armoury and she had rushed there to see him.    “Hi.” he smiled.    “Hi.“ she repeated, her eyes not moving away from his for a second while he trailed her lips with his fingertips. "Are you going to kiss me or do I have to wait another four years to feel your lips on mine? Because that would be so cruel –”    “Shut up.“ he smiled.    “Make me.”    “God, I missed you.“ he muttered, his lips crashing against hers in an instant. Y/N’s hands hooked around his neck, her feet pushing off the ground before her legs wound around his waist. Their lips moved fiercely against each other, trying to catch up for four years without the other while he shoved her against the wall unable to get enough. Her memories were back, he didn’t have to ask her to know. It was in her eyes. It was in the way her lips moved against his at the moment and how she pulled him closer and closer even though there was nowhere to be gone. How she refused to pause even to take a breath and he had to push her away. "Y/N, breathe pause. Remember ? Only one of us can hold their breath for more than a minute.”    “My hero.“ she smiled and placed her hands on his chest, taking a shallow breath. Kai’s eyes fluttered closed and then she pushed him slightly away walking briskly towards the dresser, pulling out a t-shirt. "You look so beyond hot in black… and blue… and in any color really. I just–” Kai laughed under his breath and cupped her face, pressing his lips against hers before taking the shirt from her hands, putting it on quickly. "You can’t save her. ” the siren’s voice echoed in his mind. “Only she can, if what you have is strong enough. That’s the only way to break what I did to her.” Kai snaked his hand around her waist and they headed downstairs barely able to look away from each other. Not only she had found a way to pull him back and save him but she had saved herself. As they walked down the stairs Y/N got so lost in his eyes, she tripped and both of them fell down landing on the carpet.    “S-sorry.“ she laughed, getting off him. “It’s the bunny slippers –”    “You know, if you want to get your way with me just say so. No need to blame the bunny slippers.“ he teased. "I don’t mind you making the first move as long as we –”    “Kai –“    “I know, I know. Not the time or place.” he got up just in time to see Peter and Josie chase each other around the hallways, but the second Peter saw his father he changed direction and tackled Kai back on the ground. Y/N started laughing, noticing Damon chasing after them.    “They are so fast.“ he caught up with Josie, taking her up into his arms. "Well, well… looks like you don’t need the twins anyway. Is that my shirt?”    “The vampire with the supernatural speed out ran by a few toddlers.“ laughed Y/N. "And yes, it is. I promise to give it back.”    “Ahh, don’t bother. I might have to burn it if you do.“    “Ha.Ha.” muttered Kai trying to catch Peter.    “I take it our girl here got her memories back?“    “My girl –” started Kai, “– saved herself and me this time. God, I love saying this. My girl.” Y/N laughed under her breath and poked Kai’s stomach, feeling his arms tighten around her for a moment.   “Um… Damon? Can I borrow some clothes and… I don’t know, shoes from Elena’s closet?“    “Yeah. Sure. Remember where the closet is?”    “Hilarious.“ she glared at him for a second and started to laugh. "I’ll be back in a jiffy.” Y/N kissed Kai on the cheek and ran quickly to change. He stood there for a moment, looking after her as she disappeared down the hall lightly bending over to pick up her slippers and continue barefoot.    “Hey, twirp? Don’t forget – you have a promise to uphold.“ reminded the vampire.    “I promise, I’ll keep my end of the deal. Just let me have a day with my family first. For real this time. I mean, I know I’ve technically been with them this whole time but we have a lot of catching up to do – Rain check for tomorrow?” Damon nodded watching Peter run in circles around Kai while making buzzing air plane sounds. “Sure, just don’t even think about crossing me.”    “Ready.“ called out Y/N. Kai turned around mouthing ‘wow’. "Don’t–.”    “I – ��� he stuttered trying not to daydream about ripping off her clothes in that moment. Y/N had changed into a short blue jeans skirt with an almost black dark blue top off and a pair of ankle high boots, currently pulling her hair in a loose ponytail. "You are so fast and you look, just wow –” Y/N smiled at him and took Kai’s hand in hers while taking Peter’s hand in the other. “Come on, trouble. Time we go home and on the way you can tell your dad and I how your play date at the park went.”

For a while they just walked with their son between them holding their hands. Y/N and Kai kept glancing at each other while listening to Peter talk and talk about his play date with his cousins until they reached a playground. Peter demanded to go play on the swings and the slide so they took a small break. Y/N and Kai sat on one of the benches, watching him run and laugh and play with the other kids and he sighed. Twenty two years being treated like trash, eighteen years spent in isolation and four years in Hell. When he had come back, he had thought he was on the wait list for Heaven but they just weren’t returning his calls. Something told him, someone had just picked up the phone up there and decided that after everything perhaps he deserved to be happy. To have a family, someone who loves him and who he loves immensely.   Peter waved at him and Kai waved back turning towards Y/N, whose head was resting on his shoulder. A tear streamed down his cheek but he didn’t even notice until she wiped it with her thumb.    “Happy water pooling in your eyes?” she asked.    “The happiest.” he smiled. “You know, I don’t think I will ever get used to crying when I’m happy. T-this won’t happen every time right? I don’t want to feel like an alien creature excruiding fluids for the rest of my life.”    “Nah. Don’t worry. It happens only when you are really really happy.”    “Ahh… then I am doomed.“ he pulled her towards him. Y/N laughed.  “You know, if you were an alien creature excluding fluids.” she leaned in whispering in his ear. “You’d be the hottest, most breath taking and heroic alien to ever walk on this planet.“ Kai laughed, brushing his palm against her cheek and slowly leaned in towards her pressing his lips against hers for a long moment before realizing Peter was standing before them. Their son looked at them with a curious look for a moment and smiled widely, pulling Kai towards the swing set.    “Coming, trouble.“ he said, turning towards Y/N. “And you have a very big, very important decision to make.“    “I already told you.” she smiled. “Always and forever.”    “You don’t even know what I’m going to say.“ he pointed out, getting pulled away by Peter towards the swing set. Y/N laughed, getting up right after them. Their son sat on the swing and both of them took turns pushing him for a few minutes until Kai wound his hand around her from behind, reaching his other hand in his pocket. After everything they had went through ever since they had met and specially the past few weeks he didn’t want to wait any longer, he couldn’t so he leaned in, whispering in her ear.  "Y/N –” Y/N’s eyes fluttered closed for a second, feeling his breath on her neck and when her eyes opened, he was standing down on one knee looking at her as if it was just Y/N and Peter on the swing swinging on it by magic at the moment and no one else even existed. Her heart was thumping like crazy in her chest and judging by the look in his eyes, his heart was racing just as fast. His smoky blue eyes were glowing like never before and her heart was literally melting just looking at him in that moment.    “Y/N, until I met you I never knew what happiness felt like. I only existed, never knowing what it feels like to be alive. And the day we met – that’s when I started living. When you told me you love me.. Thats the happiest day of my life, along with the day you told me about Peter and I wish I could go back to four years ago and ask you this then. To somehow turn back the clock and spend the past four years with you instead of sending both of us in actual Hell. You more than me.“ he smiled nervously. "But I intend on spending every second of every day making up for every moment we’ve spent apart. To make you smile for the rest of forever to make up for all the tears you’ve shed because of me. To love you and cherish you for all eternity and give you and Peter everything. Y/N, will you marry me?” Y/N smiled widely through tears and knelt down, gazing into his eyes. “Yes! Yes! I will marry you!” Kai smiled at her feeling water pooling in his eyes again and put the engagement ring he had been caring with him for the past few days on her finger before cupping her face and kissing her as if they were the only two people on the planet. Somewhere from around them he could hear clapping but the sound was drowned by the sound of their hearts beating as one in that moment. And that’s when he knew the real meaning of her words –    “Always and forever.“ he said softly, resting his forehead on hers. "Can I tell Peter?”    “I think he already knows.“ she glanced at the little boy smiling wider than ever at them, his eyes glowing brighter than the sun. "C'mon. I want to show you both something.” _________________________________________ ▪ MASTERLIST - FLUFF ▪ MASTERLIST - SMUT _________________________________________ note: couldn’t help myself with the ending 😅🙊❤

[grandzealot]

SHIPPING INFO // Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. Don’t reblog.

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE?: #atticus and richter ( but pls dont assume my answers here are the same as starlings muns would be! )

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?:  anything romantic with him ive already started im willing to continue & im open to new casual ships with his fallout incarnation. im probably not gonna be able to write him loving anyone as deeply as he loves atticus at this point so its better to have other focuses than deep romance if you wanna have a new pairing with him ( flings / crushes / poor matches etc ) im not rly into writing nsfw if im not comfortable with the mun ( but, superficially, i aesthetically enjoy drawing things i wouldnt be into writing - but obviously u gotta be 18+ for that and it goes on the 18+ blog )  

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?: goshhhh im picky about this. i usually do that ‘half his age plus 7′ thing but im more uncomfortable with him involved with younger women as opposed to younger men ( its mostly me not liking how ppl idealize older men and esp to the point of devaluing older women ) also its sorta like if they dont have a lot going for them to begin with a big age gap will count against any interest for me in the pairing but if they have other stuff going for them i might not be so bothered about age stuff. (also if for instance ive rped countless verses with someone i dont mind switching things up quite a bit bc i know we are really about the characters rather than it being to do with the things that make me uncomfortable )

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?:  yessssssssssss i need chemistry between both mun and muses. and im just old and tired so if ive already got a lot of great ships going i just dont have as much deep interest in new stuff

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NS.FW?:

 lol if theres lust in the atmosphere i move things over to the nsfw blog. and even then its fade to black time on tumblr before genitals are being touched... i have continued nsfw things in discord in private but i have to be sUPER comfortable with a mun for that to happen

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?:  marcie and xavier and gwyn and theres like twenty other lighter things lol

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?: i kinda feel if someone knows they want to ship with me before our characters have interacted enough for it to feel like theres something naturally going on between the muses ( or just their storylines ) then were probably not on the same page as muns and its unlikely well ever really harmonize shipwise anyway? you can say right off if your character is attracted to mine and ill probably let you know what richter thinks in return. and you can always ask about the nsfw blog if you are over age 18 and wait another century for me to do a meme there again one day and we could do casual stuff maybe lol 

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?:  when i really ship something i cant stop talking about it but in general i think im less into shipping than most ppl bc when ppl do lots of shipping calls and things like that those things never appeal to me & sometimes make me uneasy about approaching others since we dont seem to be here for the same stuff lol... but sometimes i get in the mood to draw characters interacting and sensuality makes it more interesting so i get in the mood to do memes on the nsfw blog. that hasnt happened in awhile bc ive been busy tho lol

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?: yes but chill and selective and its really just in his fallout verse. most his other verses are smaller and theyre closed verses with starling ( if like the dishonored one gets bigger it might become multiship except hes an even more difficult character to click with there so im thinking of just leaving it single ship as far as richters concerned regardless of how much the verse ends up being used [ this is definitely one of those things where u shouldnt assume what im doing with richter reflects what will be done with starling bc now dishonored is starlings main while its still a side one for richter ( even if its all i think about lately ) ] ) 

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?: im obsessed with atti x richter but chill about shipping in general orz

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?:  attirichter. tbh i always liked reading general fics and stuff rather than ship things. it wasnt until i got into rp that i started ever shipping things and ive still usually got to be rping something to care enough to ship it ( or it has to be something straight up canon ) thats why i think i still overall am not as into shipping as most ppl on my dash seem to be. my mind isnt really on those things unless theres a huge history and foundation and personal investment brought in lollll

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?:  if our characters naturally have a spark between them and naturally want to interact then let it develop... alternatively just talk superficial aesthetics and i might relate more. u could tell me if youd like me to send in a shippy meme thing and ill let you know if theres a reason it wouldnt work - but like if you wish id send that stuff in and our characters have never really interacted thats a big sign im probably not going to be into it? 

tagged by: stealing it from @hvmanmachine​ * tagging: u if u wantttt i stole it bc it looked like a good meme!!

[wazm]

kinda lost blog

I just wish to feel genuine joy in my life. I'm so afraid of chasing my goals cos what if I get to where I need to be and it's not exactly what I want. nevermind trying to reach for my goals cos I've been doing that..working every day..trying to bring myself closer to my goals but fail...struggling to sit down and just write music...i can't get myself to do it... I can't get myself to create anything.. I procrastinate the things I'm supposed to do with irrelevant big tasks..trying to distract myself constantly... I just feel empty inside...

what makes my hallow chest even deeper is the fact that all my relationships remind me of the bad decisions I've made..and theyre, not even bad decisions..its just meh...average..nothing worthwhile noting really..combined with abunch of negative outcomes...like he fact that i know a shit ton of people but i have zero real friends...i once had a friend who knew me for more than 7 years but he never exactly knew his boundaries...he’d show up to my house unannounced...id never get space...but at least i still had a friend..id do countless favors for him and never ask him anything in return but giving me space...one time i tried distancing myself from him and when i started to notice, he got so offended...after this happened, we never spoke to months...probs the longest time apart since we’ve been friends...then we kinda rekindled things...and he decided to plan a guys trip to bring us closer together...trip was okay...but ended really bad...he blocked me off everything..games, facebook, whatsapp...everything...he lives up the road from me...but ive never seen him since....idk if its a blessing or a curse...i hope things are okay with him...he wasnt the smartest but he was smart enough to comprehend certain sitautions ive been going through...good enough for me to vent to and console me...thats kinda all i need sometimes...but no more of that...he was kinda my bridge to a group of other friends we had...and after the boys trip it was like i lost everyone..social life took a hard knock...im sorry..just wish you trusted me more...

i tried filling the void by making my gf do things i did with my friends...never went down well...she just seems like someone who never knows how to have fun anymore..we used to have interesting chats..i was so inlove with her, I never saw her flaws...and she taught me this word “resentment”...well its not tht i never saw her flaws...i just chose to ignore them..and told myself that things will get better, and she’ll grow..and change...but i feel like shes been making me more like her since we’ve been dating...i swear i did so much things before her...but we’ve been together so long, i dont even know who that person is anymore...i bet, even if i left her, i wouldnt be able to bounce back...and the odd thing is that, when we started dating almost 5 years ago, i made it our philosphy that we are individuals in a relationship, we are not the relationship but it seems like she wasnt even herself back then and started being me...and now its like, shes nothing without me and my whole life has grown so much onto her, i kinda feel the same in return...just less attached to her since i felt like i was feeding her nucleas...might be exaggerating but homegirl cant initiate anything without me. nevermind choosing a meal when we go out, she cant even make a plan without needing 90% input from my side...and thats how most things are between us...if shes upset, ill fix it...risk my life and beyond to fix it...physically have done this many times before...walked from my house to hers at 2am in the morning, through the ghettos, more than a kilometer away..even been gun pointed and got things stolen from me, just to make her feel better when she was upset in the middle of the night...im not expecting that in return but she lits does the bare minimum in return...id be sad, then she be like...awww...im sad you’re sad...done..thats it...she’d lits be like...what can i do to fix things....again wanting my input...i might as well be dating myself...idk why im with this girl anymore...i hurt inside everytime i tell her i love her...cos i just dont anymore...and its been like this for a while...i wish she found this post and decided to leave me..cos i cant leave her...ive broken her heart so many times and told her i wanted to leave but i just end up coming back to her cos im sucha fucking pussy seeking some sort of social acceptence or friendship and i feel like shes all i have rn...not much of a gf hey...but its not like im worth anything either...idk...im so paranoid shes cheated on me in the past cos shes lied to me in the past and told me 3 years later about those lies...you know when someone lies to you and then when you find out about the lies and you ask why’d you do it and shes like...idk...i just feel like its lies ontop of lies...really cant trust her....i wish i had it in me to cheat on her...but i just dont like most females...id be infatuated with someone but would be put off so easily by the slightest thign...things would make so much sense if i was secretly gay but im not...the longer i seem to be in this place, the deeper im digging my grave...i feel like the time with my almost 5 year relationship feels like its getting harder to leave the longer i stay in it....i really dont know what to do...but i feel like i fuck up most of my relationships...not just my romantic one...

my relationship with my parents are just a nightmare...same goes for my other family members...and you know what...i do so much for people...countless favors...countless volunteer jobs...extra miles for people who wont even move an inch for me...but just let me mention this to anyone, then im in the wrong...i just feel like i cant voice any shortcomings to anyone and im made out to be the bad guy for doing this....whether its my parents or my sisters...id do everything for them, and i do everything for them, even things they dont ask me for...but let me raise an opinion that doesnt resonate with them, and it turns into an argument and if i decide to step out before things get sour, im still made out to be the bad guy cos how dare i do something so rude....i just feel like no1 wants to listen to me at all...for my last birthday i tried staying away from my family and decided to work on a few movies with my friends and i had fun, we arent the closes friends but, campus friends...theyre actually in a whole other faculty..so we just barely know eachother but we’ve worked on movies before and thats kinda our history together as friends....so its my birthday and i agreed to work with them on this day...all day..from like 7am until almost 10pm..and my family, not communicating with me, decides to go out for supper for my birthday...and just expects me to leave this project im working on for them...so they invite people to join them for this birthday supper...without having me there...anyways after i finished my day shooting, i was pretty smug about working instead of spending the day with my family...and on the last few moments of my birthday my sister makes a shitty comment, wanting me to shut the fuck up cos she doesnt have the energy to listen to my voice..it really broken my heart, how my whole birthday was spoilt in moments....wish she couldve just waited a tiny bit longer...i wouldve been happy with that..but naa...no1 wants to listen to anything i have to say, let alone have me around in their presence....i just feel like starting a new life somewhere else...and thats kinda what i had planned...

really thought i was going to leave south africa and immigrate to australia to go sound study there...filled in all the paper work...spoke back-and-forth with the uni over there and they extended the communication so long, i thought things were set...seemed like i was so close to getting the big change ive been seeking for so long...but they sent me this stinky ‘ol email with extra modules id have to do and the tuition fees went from $11,000 to $35,000 which is ridiculous as my countries currency isnt australian dollars and is 10 units weaker than theirs...never in my life have i ever felt like money defined my life...lits had my life in limbo cos i was waiting for responses from this people...and when i finally got a response it was too late to apply at the local college...idk what im doing this year...i tried looking for work online, but no response...made ads for work on fiverr...tried upwork, tried quickengig...even rev...all these sites people advertise as quick ways to make money....a bunch of lies...i made $0, 3 weeks going now. nothing. i even invested in making a business logo, wrote descriptions...adjusted my ads multiple times...still...blue ticks from the online work field...i applied for jobs ive seen on indeed and on gumtree and jobfinder....but no response...nothing...blue ticked...ima say luckily im working part-time for this events company and its kinda an opportunity to network with the sound industry but the live sound industry is filled with racist pricks who patronize you when you’ve done the time to learn the work they know...so no work online freelancing, no work applying for work..no work physically meeting people...really makes me feel like this isnt a viable option for me...cant even study locally or internationally anymore...

im just so lost...alone..hurt..wish someone would save me the way ive saved others before..

[kellyzeagman]

Hola,

As I write this, I now have officially just TWO weeks left. I seriously cannot believe it. If you ever want to experience the most WARPED sense of time, work on a cruise ship. Ive never had something fly by so fast in my life. Some days feel so incredibly long, however, overall, it feels like I literally blinked on October 5th and opened my eyes and it is feb.22nd.

Many things have changed and happened since last writing on feb.4th before the 2 week cruise. At that point, there were going to be 2 ports rescheduled because of coronavirus fears. Things ended up taking a bigger turn. Guests were notified a few days before their cruise that Lifou and Mare were going to be cancelled because they were closing their borders because of the virus (these ports really lack money/medical facilities/care, so if even one person on the island got corona, i’m sure the entire island would go down. So, better for them to be safe than sorry. Things really took a turn once guests got on board- once pretty much everyone had checked in and no chance to turn back, they made an announcement that 2 more islands were cancelled for the same reason. So, 4 of the 7 ports were now cancelled. Some people were obviously kicking off, others were understanding. The question now was, what were we going to do with those 4 days. We were going to do the overnight in that questionable port of Luganville, BUT- it ended up getting changed to an overnight (2 day) stay in Tauranga, NZ! Absolutely amazing- more to come. And they added the port of Eden, Australia, which had a smaller population than the # of guests on board.

2 weeks is a ridiculous amount of time for people to cruise, especially kids. ESPECIALLY when they just got back to school 2 weeks ago. Ever since Christmas, most of the kids have been so exhausting and horrible that I just question if any kids on the planet are nice or well behaved anymore. Im wondering though, do the kids keep getting worse, or is my patience just getting worse. (It has to be the kids). We have so much hope each turnaround day that the kids will get better and then by day 2 we are like “what the actual fuc*”. I need to have no contact with kids for approximately 1 month once a return home so that I can become fond of them again LOL. Luckily, it went by extremely fast and the neglected children are back with their questionable families. Part of the 2 week cruise included two Fiji ports that remained as planned. My friends and I booked two excursions for both Fiji days because we had time off during the morning/afternoon. Having this time off to do an excursion is RARE, we we were absolutely buzzing with excitement. One tour was to a private island via a catamaran, and the other was a rainforest hike to a waterfall. We were so excited, key word being “were”. What happens next is truly tragic. Voyager of the Seas has decide to install a show called “Anchors away” which is a 18 minute parade through the promenade where all of the cruise division (youth staff, cruise staff, singers, dancers, sports staff etc..) have to be a part of. **Forced to be a part of**. They have decided to install this parade right before 50% of the cruise division signs off, so its going to burst into flames in about a month when everyone that knows it is gone and the new people have no idea what to do. It has taken weeks and weeks of rehearsals. It is a huge production. To learn all of the choreography/blocking, we have had to spent countless hours rehearsing. And they’ve decided to to run all of the rehearsals on days when we are in port, (so we can practice in the promenade and have less guests, as they are at the port) meaning we cant get off until its done. It is still so devastating for me to say that BOTH of our Fiji shore excursions had to be cancelled so we could rehearse the parade. All of our port days for the last month have been ruined due to these damn rehearsals. Time off is compromised and we cant book anything to do in port because theres never enough time. Very sad for getting off purposes, but the parade has honestly been a hilarious experience to be a part of. The costumes and props are all brand new and the budget is enormous. I cant even explain it really. There is no way to explain unless you see it. The show is made up of 4 different boat teams battling against each other to music. I am a part of the chinese dragon boat. The worst part about this whole parade/port compromising is that my part in the parade requires no talent or choreography. I literally hold the TAIL of the dragon boat for 18 minutes while my team does a crazy dance with the paddles. I also will only be in the parade twice before leaving, so i’m not sure why i’ve been roped into it for a month when ill be gone after its opening show. My Fiji excursions had to be cancelled so I can practice being the ass of a dragon. Not bitter :) The costumes are amazing though, I hope i can post some pics because the costumes are quite special. I won’t bother going into this parade further because its inexplainable. I hope I can get my hands on a recording of the whole parade so people can understand.

I was able to get off for 2 hours both fiji days, but just NOT the same as what we had planned. In Suva, my friend Laura and I experienced the weirdest 5 mins of our lives while walking back to the ship. Its hard to really paint the picture because words cant do it justice, but as we were walking back to the ship, a truck full of Fiji prisoners passed us were screaming and reaching for us. However, this was not a jail transportation vehicle like the ones at home where they are handcuffed and locked in the back with a security guard. This was legitimately a 20 year old pick up truck with literally probably 15-20 inmates crammed into the back, being held in by what seemed to be a chicken wire type material. Just picture the easiest thing to escape from and that was it. As they drove by they all had their hands reaching out of the wires and were yelling for us with their bodies crammed together like they were sardines in a can. It was one of the weirdest moments of my life. I wish i had a picture of the truck and the men all crammed into the back by the dental floss like material. If we managed to be at a stop light at the same time, im not sure laura and I would have made it back to the ship. Approximately 30 seconds later I was gifted a hand carved wooden Fijian axe by a man selling souvenirs on the side of the road. He gave it to me without me ever showing interest in it, so I decided to give him my leftover Fiji money, as I would never be back in Fiji again. At this point he asked me for more, so this was obviously a ploy from the start, but he had already carved my name into the axe so I couldn’t say no, and he threw in a carved wooden turtle on top of it so I just agreed. I came back to the ship with two items I never wanted and somehow managed to bring the wooden axe through security without them saying anything. Ill make sure not to have it in my carry on bag on the plane or ill be added to a no fly list. These two events happening back to back were so, so odd but I will never forget them.

The two day NZ experience was amazing, I absolutely loved Tauranga and it made me so excited knowing that I will be living in that country this time next year. I was able to get off during the day and go to the beach, and then was able to get off after work at 11pm to experience the ~overnight~. Pretty much every crew member ended up at the same bar downtown, so it was like any normal night on the ship, but we were on glorious land. None of us had been off on land at night time in 5 months. It was so amazing, even if it was just for a few hours. I didn’t know how much I missed walking around at night/being on land until I stepped off the ship that night. We had to be back on the ship at 2am, or wait until 6am when the gangway doors opened again. So, we decided to clear out and make it back to the ship for 2:00am instead of sleeping outside of the ship until 6.

After that 2 week cruise was finally over, 2 friends and I were able to get off during the day in Sydney and we went to Bondi beach again. That place is still far too cool. Saw a guy in a McMaster sweater. Beach was filled with hundreds of people compared to last time, mostly backpackers/tourists I assume. We are now on a 6 day booze cruise with 300 kids where we are having more kids come to adventure ocean than we did at xmas/new years when we had over 1,000. Its very annoying. Its supposed to be low counts for kids, but we seem to be slammed every day, and the kids and parents aren’t particularly enjoyable. Hoping my 11 day last and final cruise will be a flawless experience. The ports have already changed for that one as well (hopefully they’ve already informed the guests). 2 overnights in Port Vila and Luganville instead of 4 of the islands, both in places where getting off at night isn’t easy or particularly safe. We shall SEE how it goes. Im honestly very sad to have these islands taken away. They are so beautiful and “once in a lifetime”, and I never got to lookout at the ocean from the beach one last time at each place and mentally say goodbye. I didn’t know my last time was going to be the last time. I guess thats life.

One of my hopes and dreams of my contract came true over the 2 week cruise. When I was working with the 6-11 year olds, a girl started screaming that there were flying fish in the water, but they were really DOLPHINS. Probably about 30 of them. They were all jumping and soaring out of the water, it was magic. Ive been waiting for that moment since I came. To see that number of dolphins in their natural environment was my perfect BBC planet earth moment I have been waiting for. Just waiting for my whale now, 13 days for it to come true.

This 6 day cruise just goes to Melbourne and Tasmania. Could easily be done in 3 days but I love that they just decide to add unnecessary sea days to make profit. We are going at approximately the same speed as a snail, because they’ve included sea days in between each port, when really we could probably get to Melbourne from Tasmania in 5 hours at a normal speed. We passed an island with a mountain today, I had a two hour nap and looked outside when I got back up to work and we were still passing the same mountain. Cheers MATE.

I am now on my 5th roommate. They moved my housekeeping roommate out without telling me. They want similar divisions living in the same areas because we have schedules that align more. She’s a sports staff from is England and is good and can steal the bottom bunk once i’m gone in 2 weeks. At this point I just walk in my room each day expecting there to be a new person. In other news- I got my flights home today, so that is EXCITING. Obviously I was always going home, but now it feels real. I fly 15.5 hours from Sydney to Dallas at at 2:40pm on the 7th, then 3 hours from Dallas to Toronto and should touch down at YYZ at 9:30pm on the 7th. I will be time travelling and experience March 7th twice. I’m obviously so excited to come home and see everyone and finally relax for more than 2 hours, but its for sure going to be really sad saying goodbye to everyone and this crazy lifestyle. I feel like i will have a quarter life crisis when I come home because I wont know what to do with myself. I’m trying to take in each day and live in the moment because its going to gone before I know it.

Anyways, must go change my laundry before someone else does it for me to steal my dryer.

bye bye for now

[jodounzebulon]

My Real Deer Story

By Jedi Foun Sive

----- Any and all names and locations have been changed or screened out. If you happen to know who I am please keep it to yourself. Thank you. -----

I had been riding a bicycle to and from work all year. An eight-mile round trip, opening the store around 4 A.M. five-six days a week. After a hot and humid summer, the ride had gotten to be a breeze even over all the hills. On Oct. 13th while leisurely riding along I made the four-mile ride to work in roughly 12 minutes, and thought to myself, “Oh damn, I wasn’t even trying, I could probably make that ride in 10 minutes!”, I then spent the rest of the day bragging about my time and how I was going to beat it! I had to stay late so I just rode home at my normal pace, 12 hours on my feet had left me exhausted. As I got to my home hill I hopped off my bike and walked it to the top sweating, and eager for a shower.  

2:45 AM Oct 14th, 2014

I go through my morning rituals but leave all the haste out of my actions. “If I can leave just a little late today that’s all the more motivation to make this ride in just ten minutes”, I tell myself as I futz around for a bit longer. Several minutes before I must leave, I grab my backpack, and march down stairs to get my bike from the garage. I remember I’d gotten in trouble several days before with my grandmother. She was worried because I’d ride through the early morning darkness without a light of any kind. It had never been anything I’d been worried about, but I bought a light for my bikes handle bars and I’d remembered to grab my blaze orange hunting beanie which also had a light. Affixing and turning them both on let me light up my drive way with its trees claustrophobically reaching from my left and the open yard to my right.  

Wheeling out onto the road, I steadied myself for a hard ride. I checked my watch, 3:48 A.M., it was time. I started powering downhill with all my might. It was exceptionally steep with a slight hump around the middle and over a quarter mile long. It ended with a sharp turn south at its base to get to my work. I could knock off a whole quarter mile easy by just pushing as hard as I could to get it out of the way. I could feel the wind stinging my eyes at the corners, and my legs pumping below me. I’m unsure of how fast I managed to go, but I am a pretty big guy, and I had been riding all year, whatever speed I was going it was too much for me to react more than a slight jerking of the handle bars to the left, as I reached the bottom of the hill and a Deer came careening into my right side.  

I remember quite vividly his head went under my leg and I was thrown leftwards, the bike ripped out of my hand as it traveled away from me. I wasn’t aware of my spinning, but my right hip hit the ground first dragging on the road. With the next roll my forehead slammed the asphalt and grew warm, I pulled my arms up defensively and with the next roll my major joints began taking the remaining hits and slowing me down. As I came to a stop I thought, “Are You F@#$!ng Kidding Me!”, then the pain washed over me. The lights on my bike and beanie had gone out. I lay in the dark swearing for several moments, screaming obscenities into the night, until I heard something breathing over my left shoulder. It was right there next to me. I’d seen the videos and pictures, I knew what kind of damage those hooves could do. I would be damned if I’d be on the ground when he got up!

I rolled onto my stomach, everything in me protesting any movement at all. Pushing myself to my feet I realized I couldn’t put any weight on my left leg. It didn’t matter, if he got up, I was going to be ready, I pulled out my pocket knife. My eyes still hadn’t adjusted to the darkness as I began backing away from the grey form on the road. I was lucky that morning, when the deer began making a sound I’d only heard when they had been hit by cars. Hearing that grotesque flopping and scraping sound of the deer struggling to get up for about a minute set my mind at ease and killed the flow of adrenaline pumping through me. The pain renewed as I placed my knife back in my pocket and realized I’m no longer wearing my backpack. Limping in the dark I managed to find it and retrieve my phone. I dial my then roommate.  

Ringing... answered.

<Me> Ted... (pained breathing)

<Ted> (barely audible mumble) What.

<Me> I need you to come and get me from the bottom... of the hill... (more pained breathing, and scrabbling sounds)

<Ted> Okay –Click-

-Several minutes later-

As I see the lights at the top of the hill pull out of our driveway, they flash down the hill and the deer began desperately dragging itself to the tree line, the truck approaches much too quickly down the hill and comes to a screeching halt as Ted swings open his door exclaiming, “What the hell was that!”. Seeing me awash in the headlights covered in road rash, blood, and dirt, disheveled and limping towards the truck with my back pack clutched in one hand my phone in the other. Ted steps to the edge of the road to get a better look at the deer now laying in the brush exhausted from trying to escape after our collision and now dragging itself into the woods about 15 feet. “Did you hit a deer?!?!”, he asks, I pull myself into the passenger seat of the truck as Ted spots my bike a ways down the road, he returns with it and places it into the bed of the truck. Hopping into the driver's seat he asks, “Do you need to go to the hospital?”, I replied with a shaky, “yeah”, and we made our way back up the hill to wake my sleeping niece since she couldn’t be left home alone. As we descend the hill on the way to the hospital Ted suggests I let my boss know I won't be coming in to work today.  

Ringing... answered.

<Boss> (barely audible mumble) hello

<Me> (pained breathing) Boss you have to open the store I got hit by a deer and I'm going to the hospital.

<Boss> (still not really understanding) You what? Ok, I’ll head in then.  

<Me> Thanks Boss. -Click  

Thankfully a new hospital had been built not too far from our home just a couple years earlier, and the ride was short, “Do you need any help in?” Ted asked. Feeling a little more in control of my faculties and able to grit my teeth to the pain I said, “Nah I got it, but we may want to call the wardens and check out that deer, it may have broken it’s neck.” I open the door and ease myself onto the sidewalk of the emergency entrance. After I close the door Ted drives away and I limp into the hospital where the woman behind the counter was seemingly unconcerned by my appearance and posture. Looking up from her reading material for a moment she pointed and said, “Take one of those and fill it out someone will be with you shortly”, she then returned to her magazine. Filling out the card I sat down and had a moment to come to grips with the situation. I began drilling myself for memory to be sure I hadn’t sustained a concussion in the fall.  

After several hours of doctors and nurses poking and prodding me and finding and treating the sore spots and road rash. I was sent into a room to get some images of my knee which was pained with each movement. While I was laying on the table, I found myself explaining my circumstances for the first time at length to someone that morning. He reacted differently, more human. He said, “So maybe not today or tomorrow, but give it about a week and this’ll be about the funniest story you’ve ever told!”, and right then I cracked up. I love a good joke and I take life's hits as they come, and I remembered the humor to be found in such a ludicrous situation. I found out not long after that Ted had called the wardens and they determined that the deer would not have survived due to its injuries. To save it a slow death by exposure he terminated it, and let Ted keep the animal. It was gutted and at the butchers by the time I made it home a couple hours later.  

I’ve told this story countless times since then. There is a little more I’m leaving out for another time. It has been added to my repertoire of stories I can tell of my life that no one else can say they have done, I became known as the Deer Slayer after that, and most hear the tale and think I’m full of it. I really couldn’t care less what they believe. I was there I felt the road, the pain. I was approached several days later by a neighbor on that road who had cleaned away my blood, so the kids wouldn’t get curious, or worse some coyotes or something coming to our neck of the woods sniffing for trouble. This is the story I chose to start this off. I hope to add more regularly, as I have lived an eventful 28 years. Given the nature of human memory I will never say that my recollections are 100% accurate, but I will try to recall them as accurately as I am able.  

May the Force Be with You.

[princesscutcoffee]

Eye Contact

It was November 17th to be exact.

It was cloudy with a crisp, yet warm breeze and i had my favorite sweater on. I was walking along River Street downtown after eating lunch. I had no where specific to be. I sat on a wooden bench under a tall Red Maple that hundreds of others have sat on before I because it had the best view of the semi-busy street, all while overlooking the small pond and the park just behind. It was almost like you saw the entirety of our small city from here with people rushing back from their lunch breaks with a sense of urgency and others enjoying the sunshine without a care. I took a sip of my coffee, opened my book and began to drown out the world.

Five pages in and I’m brought back to reality when a truck honks on the street somewhere behind me. I take another sip. I look around at the unfamiliar faces passing by, watch the man playing with his dog across the field, the women sitting at the edge of the pond looking around, waiting for a friend, perhaps a lover. I get up to stretch a bit, waltz across the path and lean against the railing to stare at my reflection in the water. I wonder what to do with the rest of my day. I set my thermos down besides me and place my book back in my bag. Its Shakespeare, my favorite Tale of Two Cities, I’ve read it a dozen times. With my back to the cool iron I extend my arms and grab hold of the rails like they are my anchor, my feet crossed and observe the street. I look up into the clouds, and back down to the concrete underneath me. I notice a young man takes my seat on the bench and I think how lucky you are now, to have that view all to yourself. I hope he enjoys it.

I Think Ill head on to a new location, perhaps stop by the book store near my apartment and see if I can find something I haven’t read yet. Twenty feet I make it and someone calls out, “Miss, did you forget something?“ In the blink of an eye I turn to the voice, my thermos, how could I possibly forget? “Oh yes, thank you, I’m a bit dreamy today, I couldn’t live without my coffee.” I look up at the man who had taken that wooden throne over after I and for a moment its as if the whole world had stopped. One blink, and another. Were staring into each others eyes and I can feel my heart beat. I have never seen eyes as bright and green, eyes that i could see a story behind without knowing a single thing about the person whom they belonged to.

“You should take this before it gets cold. It smells awfully good.” “Thank you.“ I manged to reply. Without knowing I am simply staring at this man and he must think I’m crazy. I take a sip and its still quite warm. Its as though there is not a single thought going through my head because I’m trying so hard to find an explanation to the feeling that has just gone through me. “I take it you’re not in a hurry to be somewhere if you sat reading your book, then stood by the pond, now staring at me, or are you?” “Have you been watching me?” “Oh no, I’m sorry, its just that this bench is my favorite. You can see everything and if theres a breeze this time of year you can watch the red leaves dance around.” I have no words yet i muster up something to say. “Thats why this is also my favorite.“ “Would you care to share?“ he says, and without a thought here I am sitting on the River Street throne with a handsome stranger feeling like Ive done this a thousand times.

We sat in silence for a minute as the breeze got a chill to it and leaves started to come down across the sidewalk. The man and his dog had gone home, the women gathered her things and in a slump walked off as if her company never showed. We began to make conversation about the park, then our city which we had both grown up in just streets away, about our jobs, the best restaurants and boutiques, which books we had and had not read. Just like that, the time was passing and the sun was setting, my thermos empty now after taking the last cold sip after hours of conversation.

We made plans to share this old wooden bench again a few days from then. We said our good-byes, nice to meet yous, see you soons. We headed off in opposite directions and i could only help but notice anything that matched the color of those eyes. I ran up the stairs to my apartment and searched through countless books until i found just the one recalling how making eye contact with a complete stranger could go hand in hand with that whole love at first sight theory, but who really knows when that happens?

It was November 17th to be exact.