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#the 'do you still like me? guts and all'
whimsical-roasting · 1 month
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jamie 'i'm too much' 'i'm not enough' 'can we pretend like i'm not both those things at once?? can you see me as something smaller - something more palatable' 'i don't know how to be anything smaller than i am - i can't help how i taste but i promise i'll keep you fed for an eternity' 'i'm a greedy thing really, don't mean to be but it is who i am' 'i'm the best thing at this party but i wouldn't marry me either' 'i can ask for what i what, i always have. but i can't look you in the eyes if i'm asking you to love me' tartt
bonus: roy 'you're a lot of things - a pain in the ass maybe but i could never consider what i do as tolerating you' 'loving you feels as easy as breathing even if i'm shit at expressing it' kent
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wandixx · 7 months
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Serious chaos one-shot snippet
“Hey, Dami?”
Boy hadn’t looked up from kittens he was bottle feeding but let out hum indicating he listened.
“I think about trying out more girlish style. Do you think it would suit me?”
Well, Damian had no idea but if Dani wished to give it a chance, then, well, the only appropriate course of action was to offer his aid.
Also features: Dani and Damian working at an animal shelter, Steph being fashionable, and Batman's rouge gallery and no, it's not a spelling mistake :)
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batsight · 2 months
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Star Flower, loner, Medic of SkyClan
She/Her, cis bisexual
Mother: Turnip
Father: One Eye
Adoptive Father: Skystar
Siblings: Unnamed, all deceased.
Design notes:
-She is styled after the Pokemon, Ogerpon
-The plants are a physical part of her body. They grow out of her.
-She is the physical embodiment of The Blazing Star.
Story notes: [Abuse CW]
-She was born as a normal kitten to a traveling band of rogues who loved to trade and spread their music. Unfortunately, this band died out to a plague, one that nearly took her own life. Desperate to save his family, her father Carrot traveled to a set of tunnels in Sanctuary Lake rumored to house a reality-bending god. He asked the god for a cure, and the god asked for his eye in return. They made the exchange, and he retrieved a glowing, golden, five pointed flower. However, he was too late to save most of his family, so the entire cure went to his surviving kit. He wasn't expecting her to survive the night given her fragile state and the dubiousness of the exchange...
-But the next morning, she was perfectly fine- great, even. If a little... odd... were those buds growing on her paws...?
-It only got stranger from there. When Carrot ended up finding more cats suffering from the plague, just a few calming purrs from his kit seemed to have them ripe and ready to go the next morning. Carrot understood then what had happened- his kit had become the cure herself. And cats were starting to look towards them more, started begging for her healing, for anything. And Carrot had lost everything... wasn't it time to start winning stuff back?
-And so, the pair became One Eye and Star Flower, for recognition's sake. The two formed their own small group, filled with cats Star Flower had healed. Star Flower loved to spread her magic where she went, to save cats from the brink of death and be showered with their love and appreciation. They felt like they owed a great debt to her, and she enjoyed that.
-She was very close with her father, even if their relationship could be strained. One Eye loved her, but to an extent, he also used her. He grew arrogant in his success, believing he had become the accomplice to a god, and began to hold that over cats who fell sick. He grew desperate for control and Star Flower was his key to that.
-One day, however, her father's group encountered the early clans. They were just beginning to settle down, work out their new rules, and declare borders. But what caught the group's attention was the near murder of a young kittypet, almost mauled to death by proto-SkyClan's leader, Skystar. Unable to heal wounds with her magic, Star Flower managed to bring the cat to a twoleg, who took her away.
-Appalled by the cruelty, Star Flower took a great interest in Skystar's group, and witnessed several of his other crimes against his cats and the other groups. As did One Eye, who, seeing the early signs of a plague, had an idea to put this cat and the other leaders in their place.
-One Eye and Star Flower joined the group, with One Eye acting as a curious loner, flattering Skystar with praise. Skystar enjoyed his company, and so One Eye grew in the rank rather quickly. He also took a great interest in Star Flower and her abilities. After murdering Tom, who insulted the cats and attempted to attack them, One Eye took the chance to take control over the group, overpowering Skystar and using Star Flower's power to keep the remaining cats in line- everything is going to be okay, you'll get your cure... if you stay in line and do as One Eye says.
-This went on for a moon, of Star Flower holding her magic over the heads of her clients to keep their loyalty towards One Eye. She would be lying if she said she didn't feel pride at it all at helping her father.
-Ultimately, One Eye was overthrown and killed when Skystar came back with reinforcements from the other clans. The rest of the rogues they'd accumulated ran off, and suddenly, Star Flower was alone. She'd never been without her father, and running would mean abandoning his grave, which she didn't want. But... this place had been a home to her for some time now, and she needed a place to stay. SkyClan had taken all of the available territory in the area, anyways, and she was in no shape to brave the other territories or twolegplace. So she offered her power to SkyClan as a peace offering and asked for shelter in return.
-Skystar was still sore from the event, but he couldn't deny that having Star Flower as an asset would be beneficial to him in the long run. And around this point, his son Thunderstar had disowned him and split off ThunderClan from SkyClan. He felt that he was losing allies, losing family, and he latched on to desperate Star Flower very quickly- as a cat who would never disobey him.
-Skystar takes Star Flower under his wing as his new child, her new ward, instating her as a medic. And because she is loyal to a fault, she won't disobey a new leader so similar to her father. And so, he pushes her to do humiliating things in front of the camp, ranging from general chores like tick baths, to forcing her to run laps around camp with an injury if she took too long to work her magic. He would take out his frustration from gatherings on her and berate her over the most menial things. He would make her withhold her power to help anyone in the clan who had displeased him. And if Star Flower ever tried to stick up for herself, all he had to do was remind her of what she did, how she helped torment his cats by holding a cure over their heads to help out her father.
-This went on for years, Star Flower becoming more and more despondent. One night, there was a particularly stressful gathering, in which Skystar got into a territorial dispute with Thunderstar over a pack of dogs ravaging the territories. He lost the dispute, came home, and immediately took it out on Star Flower, shouting at and attacking the molly for "taking too much food she didn't deserve". And something in Star Flower finally snapped, and for the first time, she didn't save a life- she took one. And another. And another. As many as what remained in Skystar's soul. She was discovered taking his very last life in his nest, while she was wondering if she could pin it on the dogs. She escaped the camp, and wandered the territory for the rest of her life.
-Unfortunately, while she finally won against Skystar in the moment, it was history who decided the victor. Sparrowstar declared that they couldn't let a tragedy like this happen ever again, and doubled down on banishing rogues. Every rogue-born cat was looked at with suspicion from then on, and as the decades began to pass, Star Flower's story became twisted and bent. As the story is told, a rogue had infiltrated SkyClan's camp asking for help, but had manipulated and charmed the leader with her prowess and rose in the ranks just high enough to take him out and attempt to claim his spot. Her story was used as a cautionary tale against rogues, warning cats against those who would infiltrate the camp and rot it from the inside. Eventually, even her true name was lost to time...
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Rotten Flower, Warrior of The Dark Forest
Skystar didn't hesitate to throw her in the depth of the Dark Forest when she died. She wears her mask constantly, trying to keep away from the sickness of the muck. She's embraced the false myth made about her, claiming to have killed a founder for power and prestige. But in reality, it's been so long that she's forgotten her family, her power, her name. She barely even remembers Skystar himself. Though she's admired in the Dark Forest for her achievements, she doesn't hang around anyone, and acts hostile to those who approach her.
Perhaps someone can help her remember who she truly is...?
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if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?
I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.
Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.
Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.
Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.
Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.
Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.
If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.
So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.
#asks#twdg louis#twdg minerva#twdg clementine#twdg violet#twdg marlon#twdg tenn#honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??'#then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha#also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore#like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it#not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed#for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there#it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like...#that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly#also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but#I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did#like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite#anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good#i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw#like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit#and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification#and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go#he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down#'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m#it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay#this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about#even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks#that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you
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absurdlyalive · 3 months
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people who pick apart people's accounts of their problems on the basis of semantics go outside challenge
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enderwoah · 1 year
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does the jimmy solidarity side of trafficblr understand how desperately jimmy either needs to win OR come ridiculously close to winning for me (me specifically) to be happy
like if he wins. which he could. that would be amazing. winning after dying first every single series would be incredible and i think i would go absolutely insane. he deserves it and he definitely could if he decided to stop playing up the pathetic wet cat/'bully me itll be funny' bit. which i feel as if i always have to clarify IT'S NOT A BAD BIT!! ITS FUNNY im just saying if he Did. he could do some serious damage to the server. like if jimmy solidarity decided that he was tired of being nice and literally nerfing himself and just sort of went off with a group in the next life series i personally think he could go crazy go stupid
but here's the thing. i will be happy with him winning. but i will be equally as happy (and i'd be a dirty liar if i didn't say possibly even more happy) if he got to like. third place. hell, even fifth place. and then someone stabbed him in the back at the last second. like, someone he had been running with for the entire series just. to win. stabs him in the back.
i feel as if. and correct me if im wrong. jimmy solidarity has never been straight up betrayed before, i dont think. he even did the betraying himself in last life, but i dont think someone has ever actively turned their back on him or stabbed him in the back out of wanting to win before. hes never been seen as enough of a threat to backstab. hes one of those players that gets a group or a partner and sticks with them for the entire series. he had scott in 3rd life, the southlands in last life, and tango in double life, and i fully believe that he only doesnt betray them because he doesnt want to.
imagine it in your head. jimmy solidarity is running with someone and decides that he needs to kill them. its not that weird of a thought. jimmy, in my opinion, has enough bastard energy where you CANT say that it would be out of character for him to betray someone. he could. he just doesnt. like, dude, if you want proof he literally DID betray his group in last life. no regret, broke one of the most sacred southlands rituals and tried to run away with a life. he has enough desperate bastard energy to do it if he really wanted to. he just doesnt enjoy doing it.
so imagine the absolute shock and horror that jimmy would experience when someone does directly betray him. he picks his group, or even his partner for the next life series and that person stabs him in the back suddenly? he would be flabbergasted. jimmy has little to no self-control, but jimmy i dont think would have the gall to betray one single person. he just. i dont think he'd get it. it would be horrible. and deliciously dramatic.
imagine the animatics out of that. jimmy solidarity girlbosses his way through the entire next life series. someone dies first before him, and you see how morbid it is for him to be excited, overjoyed at someone else's death. his circumstances have made it so he is happy when another person dies. he burns things down, forms strong enough alliances that he basically is untouchable, sets traps, embraces his innate bastard energy, and when he can finally see the light of a win, when he can finally see the possibility of him actually coming first...he is ripped away from that high by a sword in the back or a trapped base.
like jesus christ that would be horrible. and amazing. i would eat it up. im a jimmy solidarity enjoyer through and through, and of COURSE i want him to win, but im not gonna lie to myself and say that him getting close and then getting it torn away from him by a friend (and lets not make that sound less than it is; jimmy's enitre life basically circles around other people. getting betrayed by a friend would be horrible for him and him specifically) wouldnt be...wonderful. surely the jimmy solidairty side of trafficblr can agree im not crazy right. right.
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thedeadthree · 5 months
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-`. OCS AS TYPES OF SUFFERING.
TAGGED BY @chuckhansen, @queennymeria, @shellibisshe, @leviiackrman, @nightbloodbix, @lavampira, @marivenah, @faerune, @socially-awkward-skeleton and @corvosattano to take this uquiz for a few dears !! ty ty!!!!!!
TAGGING: @ruinbringer, @griffin-wood, @duskfey, @jendoe, @aponibolinayen, @pinkfey, @unholymilf, @gwynbleidd, @adelaidedrubman, @carlosoliveiraa, @grapecaseschoices, @flyntz, @jackiesarch, @katsigian, @quickhacked, @full---ofstarlight, @avallachs, @risingsh0t, @dameayliins, @starforger, @vanoefucks, @yennas, @bloodofvalyria, @malefiicarum, @ravensgard, @theviridianbunny, @mrdekarios, @shadowglens, @fenharel, @nokstella, @swordcoasts, @leondaltons and you!!
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-`. DESPAIR.
The tunnel never had a light. You wish for nothing because you know you'll receive nothing, and your hopes died out long ago. The only thing that keeps you going is the thrill of emptiness you feel when things don't turn out your way. It's bitter. It's proof. Proof that you don't feel this way for nothing.
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-`. THE BLACKHOLE.
There's a hole where your heart used to be and nothing is filling that hollow void. You could drown in a world curated for you, and still nothing seems to fit. It eats you alive knowing you're unsure how to satiate the hunger of your soul. It's barely hunger, it's more like a blackhole.
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-`. THE TAKER.
Your expectations are ones you can barely meet. You compare yourself to others, but with a hypocritical light. You'll never find what you're looking for if you're laying down half of what you receive. It stings to be given less than expectations you've set, but if they were more reasonable, do you think even then you'd be happy?
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-`. YEARNING.
The pain in your chest bubbles knowing that what you want may never be yours. You're lost in a fantasy world, or consumed by what you wish you were or had as opposed to what you do. It's hard to appreciate what's around you when you're appreciating the hope of what could be instead.
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-`. THE GIVER.
Your energy depletes as you hand it out to anyone passing by your basket. People walk by and take, but no one ever leaves. You're constantly running on low when people keep asking you to give. You'd give your soul away for free, and then what left do you have of yourself if you can't say no?
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-`. LONELINESS.
Your heart feels full of the connection you feel you lack. No matter how many people are around you, strangers or not….someone is missing. You don't know who, what, or if you'll ever find them. You're unsure if there's a person out there who'll really satisfy your life, so really what's the point of continuing to look?
#only if you want to of course !! <3#oc: amavet aerasume#oc: yeva yakovleva#oc: vaermina vanthampur#oc: tissaia thorm#oc: chiara de laurentis#oc: cythia vassermiller#GEE WHIZ QUIZ WARN ME NEXT TIME BEFORE YOU GUT AMAVET LIKE THAT gvashgdv *SCREAMS*#DESPAIR. HE GOT DESPAIR IM - !!!!! are you KIDDING mee!!#they dont call him the mourning lord for giggles :') THE NERVEE#im fine with this im fine with this im fine :)#*screams* ok ok i was a bit ?? with yevas but I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND RAHH ITS !! it gets her!!!!!!!#they were too on the nose sweet pea im SORRY vaer !!#TIISSAIAAAA FIRST OF ALL HOW YOU DARE QUIZ SECOND OF ALL DO YOU MIND IF I BEGAN CRYING BC!!#TISSAIA MY SWEET GIRL :') this is fine!!!!#CHIARAA i knew she would get this answer I KNEWW ITTTT#cythias *screams* THE WAY THERE WAS SOMETHING I HAVE HAD BRAINSTORMED FOR HER IN MIND THAT FITS THIS SO WELL??#over the course of her arc in the novels (and show as well!!) loneliness is PREVALENT the part on how in spite of the people around#she can still feel loneliness is SO poignant to the isolation she feels at court this answer gets her to the letter AHH!!#TY TY SO MUCH FOR THE TAGS i missed doing uquizzes sm !!!!!! THIS WAS FUN <3 i may do more clowns with this it was lovely !!#cy ur so a*licent coded <3 'is there no one in the empire to take my side' 'i have no friends here all they see is the empress' SCREAMSS#something something 'id like to think im still the lady cythia' AAAAA BABY BABY MY POOR BABYY#i mean vaer was living in an estate alone with just her t*ressym trying not to be a sacrificed to summon the hells by her family so she#really just had her expectations of the life she manifested SO LIKE..... yk?? sweet pea'll marry the love of her life and#skxjjxjx
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milf-harrington · 7 months
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its so fucking disheartening realising that no one actually sees me as a guy, they just pretend to - and yeah its great being called theo but its less great being lumped in as one of the girls in the same breath
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pankomako · 7 months
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i'd say "oh his channel is as old as my brother is" but that's just always gonna be true. but it IS now older than i was when i first started watching
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yesokayiknow · 1 month
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cannot believe that in 2007 the eighth doctor adventures writers just decided to put toxic yuri in their show. they did that for me
#not me going insane over 2 minor recurring villains#but literally what the fuck is going on with the headhunter and karen#what if an amoral assassin and a normal office worker decided to become partners on a whim & now they time travel and commit crimes together#like what?????#the headhunter could not give less of a shit about other people and doesn't think karen is useful at all and yet just keeps her around#and karen's like yeah she hates my guts and also she makes me kill people. it's a laugh though can't complain#and i'm just meant to be normal about that?????? huh???????#also the way they both just flirt with lucie every time they see her is so funny#karen's like hey babe!!!! how are you!!!! do you want to join us!!!! while holding a knife to lucie's neck shdjshs#while the headhunter's like ah lucie miller the thorn in my side [saves her life] this means nothing [saves her life] you disgust me [saves-#doctor who#big finish#i've finished s3!!!! whoop!!!!#my thoughts are why does lucie miller keep getting turned evil and can it keep happening bc it's hot. who said that#my only issue with this format is that it's very adventure based. which yeah it's called the 8th doctor adventures#but i wish there was more breathing room for lucie. the doctor keeps being all sad (fair his life is awful) but lucie's going Through It#and never gets a chance to really process anything#also the retroactive continuity errors make me laugh#'i'm 900 years old' no the fuck you're not! you still have the time war yet buddy!#i like to think they're just signs of 8's swiss cheese memory#i hope there's books set in this era. i'm sure nobody will be able to tell me bc they gave up 20 tags ago agdkhsjshsjs
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munamania · 4 months
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ok im a really chill and normal person and i get over things and am well adjusted but take a walk with me here. just give me my time to complain when im not in the absolute fucking trenches. and yes i believe i suffered more than those in trench warfare. it was literally a lesbian situationship with a bistraight girl come on. just. magenta choppy shag with the roots coming in. camo cargo pants black t shirt with red lettering and striped long sleeve (sign someone likes music. confirmed). lip ring big black stud earrings and nails. red docs. i think lesbians should be allowed to kill one dyke baiter in their lifetime idc
#and now we're gonna get into some quiet parts and youre just gonna let me have this#i. am so sick. first of all it was kinda funny how people ik ended up sorta surrounding her. felt good. but like we've shared a space#together since everything. i can like be in her presence it's seriously fine. that said. i do sometimes miss her#i say this after going through the really hating her guts period bc of her evil evil evil ways. and feeling like she's lame as hell bc she#s. but i mean it's me talking i have my problems too. i Hate the way we always so naturally act in sync. and i hate that we've both picked#each others' brains for hours so it's like. i knew you once and now we can't even look each other in the eye and that just really sucks#and i feel like. not that i strictly believe in these things. but we were sort of twin flames. i largely suffered for like. basically#falling in love w her. and i know i didn't leave as much of a mark. but i still hope it sucked a little for her#and i'll admit i think it'd be some sort of miracle if we could ever talk civilly. unfortunately we work in two ways#literally behaving in Ways and borderline fucking or not speaking. so. here we are#and i already humiliatingly tried to extend an olive branch this summer so im not gonna be fucking stupid. yk#but GOD how annoying. i did talk to situationship today and we were relatively normal so at least that's not deathly awkward#it's still. definitely um. stiff. but not terrible#i need to get to the club. pretend theres a cig emoji im on desktop rn#sorry for this.#film girl saga
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lucy-ghoul · 3 months
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................. not to rain down on anyone's parade but barely characterized 14 year old lucerys could never have the swag eleanor or henry had
#1#2#3#4#5#again you do you per carità i'm not here to judge anyone's taste because then i'd be a fucking hypocrite#but this still made me laugh#maybe because i never really understood the hype around luke/aemond. i mean i get it on a intellectual level#but there are so many juicier pairs in hotd that while i understand why people would ship it i'm not sure why it's so popular#no hate to the pairing or anything of course. you can ship whatever you want!#but this reeks of the usual inflated m/m ship with one (or two) fictional men with weak or barely acknowledged characterizations#while incredibly complex female characters (at least in comparison) are JUST THERE#again this is not a hate post about the ship or slash pairings (OBVIOUSLY!!)#but still. in any case the eleanor/henry dynamic fits better with rhaenicent or maybe daemyra tbh#like... even when i love a ship with all my heart i wouldn't assign *every* possible au to them but only those who fit their characters bes#if my otp is a etl ship i wouldn't want to read or write a childhood friends to lovers au because what i like about them#is that they fucking hate each other's guts and perpetually try to kill the other (before falling in love... and sometimes even after)#if a pairing is more p&p like i really couldn't get into a wuthering heights au even if i'd recognize it's magnificently written#because that's not what these characters and their dynamic are. it would be projection#at this point i would prefer to read/write about two ocs ngl#again in fandom you can do whatever you want i'm no one and i could never tell you what you can or can't like. that'd be ridiculous#and idw the op of that post to feel bad about it. it's just my personal preference/opinion on fanworks that's all#val speaks#val rambles in the tags#txt
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ghosts-of-love · 6 months
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not to be mentally ill but today when i went for a walk in a nature reserve i was climbing a hill and it was cold but so so sunny and everything looked beautiful and i saw so many cool things and i stood there and was like damn what's this feeling in my chest and why am i smiling so much?? my guy,, it's called fucking happiness. i was just present and content in the moment and couldn't contain myself so kept doing the silly arm shake thing i do and grinning at everything and then was like woah what's this feeling. fuckin, happiness dude.
#think the arm shake thing might be stimming (??) i referred to it as pogging and was informed that i've been using that word incorrectly#but yeah stimming ig#the arm shakes!! we all know them...#anyway do you ever get the feeling that other people experience happiness differently to you?#idk last week i was v depressed and now ive had a couple days in a row where ive been giggling with people and ive been cuddled and kissed#and today i took myself off on a walk and i was so so happy and then as i was walking back to my car#i had the gut wrenching feeling that i needed to text my parents that i'd been outside and had a good day and saw multiple cool animals#and that i loved them. because i suddenly got really worried that i would die on the way home and no one would know i'd been really happy??#even though id literally sent my bestie loads of photos and texts and a literal voice note while staring at a robin lol#anyway and then i was floored by the realisation that i carely deeply about whether i died or not#because i was pmsing last week and that is a terrible time for me and i end up being kind of passively suicidal ig#so to have such a big change in the space of a week was a huge shock#these tags are sooo incoherent and span so many emotions#i promise i've had a really lovely day. i just am anxious all the time and depressed sometimes#in a way that is harder to predict now my periods have stopped.#im realising this is the kind of stuff that should probably go in my diary but i've got this far with the tags that i can't be asked.#if anyone is still reading#you do not have to respond to this or like it in any way. i promise lol
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girl-please-study · 10 months
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Watch me catch up with 4 semesters material
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fleshdyke · 8 months
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you guys remember that time my dad killed my pet and then blamed me for it lol
#i still miss jpeg so fucking much#i remember for weeks after he died i would turn on his light in the morning and forget that he wasn’t there to greet me and it was so awful#remembering he was dead every single morning#and every few days i would put a little plant food in the tank and it was such a fucking gut punch every time#bc the cycle was disrupted now. nothing was working like how it was supposed to bc he wasn’t there anymore. those plants that lived off him#for months were the only thing i had left of him#and he told me at one point after he died ‘next time you get a betta you have to take care of it’ like FUCK YOU I DID! I FUCKING DID!#i cycled the tank and i fed him and i kept tabs on the water levels and i did all his water changes and i told my dad when he started#getting sick bc i wasn’t able to get medicine myself! and he tried to fucking gaslight me into believing that i was delusional!#bc he didn’t want to admit that he was wrong! and he refused to fucking do anything about it to the point where i was scrambling for people#i knew who could drive to take me to the fish store and get medicine#and then he fucking died! he died when i was at school and my dad just flushed him down the toilet#and he told me in the most insensitive way possible#and he tried going ‘im sorry i didnt listen to you’ or whatever like sorry’s not going to fucking cut it you killed my fucking pet#and then he went right back to blaming me for it#and then after he died my brother told me that he’d asked my dad about jpeg one time and he SAID that he was pretty much a goner#he fucking KNEW he was dying and still refused to do anythign??? for what fucking reason? bc he couldn’t admit he was ever wrong? bc he#wanted to watch me suffer?#and then for weeks i was taking care of an empty tank#bc the plants in his tank were the only thing left of him#and i couldn’t let them just sit and wither away bc that’s what i did with jpeg and i couldn’t just watch him die again#and then i moved his plants into the other 40gal and i had to look at the way the other fish ignored jpeg’s favourite anubias#and i had to take down his tank and wash all the rocks and driftwood and pack it all back up and then he was gone for real#jpeg was the first thing i was really proud of and my dad had to fucking take it from me#rambles#vent#pet death
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starlooove · 26 days
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He is in fact not cool with his friends killing people he just can’t do shit about it and the fact that he thinks he can do smth about (and does!) when it comes to his kids is like a major point
#like one of the main#Idk if theme is the right word#but issues surrounding Batman in general and Gotham specifically#is the high standards he holds not just those closest to him to but also the people he controls#NOW DONT GET CAUGHT UP IN UR GUT REACTION CONTROL IS A STRONG WORD BUT IM USING IT FOR A REASON#like i think the fandomification of the batfamily and seeing every character as reliable in the way they tell their own stories#is making people forget that yes bruce lowkey controls them#like not in a mean way or whatever but as much as dick and Jason rebel and say ‘fuck you old man I have my own people to take care of’#at a snap of Bruce’s fingers where are they?#right back in Gotham#which ppl say is an issue with writing and I agree like they really just can’t take anyone away from Gotham#but THATS meta like the in universe conclusion is what creates in universe analysis#and these issues are being spoken about from an in universe pov#that was just me justifying my point anywayyyd#what im saying is that like#in conclusion Ppl are forgetting that Bruce is scary and still runs this shit lmao#like a few snappy quips about emotional distance and some ‘X deserves better’ fics is making yall forget shit like spyral#or at least how it went down and ended up today and what that says about the characters involved#it’s tragic and Ik we like to ignore that but like. when look at shit like the no killing rule#yes bruce thinks he’s being slighted or failing whenever his kids kill someone and they to an extent think that too which is why they don’t#do it#or at least partly#even for Jason that’s why the killing is not just what needs to be done it’s a form of rebellion for him#everyone who agrees jason should just leave Gotham but still present as pure rebellion and anger and spitting at Bruce don’t get why Jason#should leave is all I’m saying#that’s why Dick never got away#it’s still all about Bruce#even if we don’t want it to be#reading this back it’s disjointed as hell but I’m not fixing it if u get it ily heh just a peek into my dark mind#if u don’t it’s not ur fault not everyone can withstand the alphas prowess…
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