#the account seemed to have been abandoned though.. but they made some really pretty non-fandom art i think…

[deus-ex-mona]

we are united in a common cause on this ✨#blessed✨ day

[exercise-of-trust]

(springboarding off this post: i started writing a tag essay and then a reblog essay and then partway through quoting a large section of the hobbit i began to genuinely feel bad about derailing a fun post into *gestures* this shit, but unfortunately my single brain cell decided this was the only thing we were gonna think about all day.)

i think... the original post is tapping in to an acute dissonance in property-law-intuitions between these groups, and i think the dwarves would definitely have been inclined to take the feanorians' side. but i don't think the dwarves, or at least the dwarves of the third age, would be *confused* about it - this is (allegedly) the whole issue at the heart of the nauglamir business. they've had to deal with it too. (allegedly because we only have the narrator's word for it, but whatever*)

ignoring all the extraneous description/assumptions about motives: the stated argument of the dwarves in claiming the nauglamir is that thingol has no personal claim or connection to it. the dwarves gave it to finrod, who has since died and whose kingdom is in ruins, and húrin found it there ("took it as a thief") and gave it to thingol. but it was never meant to be his! and this is a common argument in fandom today on why thingol has no right to the silmaril and should never have demanded it (and certainly should not have kept it upon receipt). the flow is exactly the same: this item has found itself in a contested state because the original owner isn't currently capable of retrieving it; someone else brings it to thingol, who considers himself entitled to keep it because it was abandoned (the nauglamir) or owed (the silmaril) (kind of**).

but all of that to say - the dwarves have been dealing with the same shit, with even more disastrous results, for nearly as long as the feanorians, and they're well aware of it. in fact the nauglamir incident is pretty clearly what's being referenced in 'flies and spiders' in the hobbit, in what's probably the most even-handed retelling: "in ancient days [the elves] had had wars with some of the dwarves, whom they accused of stealing their treasure. it is only fair to say that the dwarves gave a different account, and said that they only took what was their due, for the elf-king had bargained with them to shape his raw gold and silver, and had afterwards refused to give them their pay." a little further down: "all this was well known to every dwarf, though thorin's family had had nothing to do with the old quarrel".

so - to the dwarves, the fact that non-noldor (or non-feanorian noldor) have weird takes on stolen property isn't just an academic or theoretical issue - they're on the feanorians' side because it's their story too. (which really makes the period of collaboration in hollin, and its eventual fall, all the more tragic).

but legolas and gimli go to fangorn, and to the glittering caves, and after a long-ass time of the feanorians (and eol) being the main point of contact and alliance between elves and dwarves based on existing common ground and common interests - gimli and legolas have nothing in common at all. but they love each other and they go west together and they learn to understand each other anyway, and i'm extremely emo about it.

*on the one hand it's no fun ignoring the text entirely when you're doing meta but also, on the other, the silm does have an in-universe writer with extremely obvious personal biases? so it becomes a matter of discretion when you want to ignore the parts that seem to be a result of unfounded prejudice or wild conjecture.

**in the most generous light i can see how the silmaril could be considered forfeit due to c&c's actions against beren and lúthien. that is THE MOST generous reading and i still have issues with it, namely a) thingol was explicitly hoping the feanorians would kill beren for him even if he made it out of angband alive, b) thingol... very much also did imprison lúthien for an extended period of time, c) iirc historically a weregild was a set price codified in law, or something agreed upon/voluntarily offered by the guilty party; you didn't just... take someone's stuff and say "weregild!" when they asked for it back. yes i know isildur and the ring, whatever, that is not generally how weregilds worked and isildur's claim appears to be invalid anyway (c.f. council of elrond; frodo says "then it belongs to you, and not to me at all!" when aragorn's descent is announced; aragorn responds "it does not belong to either of us"). this is a long tangent but in conclusion FUCK THINGOL

[strwberrytae]

So Long, Farewell, and Goodbye For Now -

“I don’t know how you are so familiar to me—or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before—in another time, a different place, some other existence.”     - Lang Leav

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Hello, You ♡ Yes, You. You ethereal, beautiful being. I am writing to you with bittersweet yet wonderful news - depending on the perspective. I am writing this post to inform all of you that I will no longer be writing for this blog for the foreseeable future. What I mean by that is that I am not giving up writing forever, no. But my life has changed so much over the last two years, I do not see myself writing again for quite some time. But don’t worry! I will be back!

Below the Read More section, I have poured my heart and soul into the real reasons why I’ve made this decision. I warn you, it’s lengthy but it’s everything that has led up to this over the years. So, if you fancy, have a read. If not, I bid you farewell and wish you all the happiness in the world. Thank you for supporting me so far. I truly appreciate it and love you all very dearly. Now, if you wish to read it at a later time, I will have a link available on my page at all times for anyone who is curious. It’s a hell of a story if you ask me ~

Edit: Made by Me - also, a surprise photo at the end Warnings/Triggers: Talks of emotional abuse, depression, and suicide but also happiness and love -

When I first started this blog, it was 2016. I had been on Tumblr for over a decade now but BTS led me to writing passionately for 2 years. I was incredibly active and utterly consumed by this website. Not just for the writing, but I was so obsessed because of my friends and mutuals that I made along the way. Can I just say that I’ve met some incredible people on this platform - including my best friend and soulmate? Truthfully, the absolute best friend I have ever had. But more importantly, Tumblr was my greatest escape. I mean this website truly has been my saving grace through very dark times.

In that part of my life, I was in an extremely toxic relationship; by then, it was 6 years I was with him. He was emotionally abusive, had such a short-fuse temper, hated everyone I knew which led me never really seeing any of my friends after college, knew I was anorexic and did nothing to stop me, knew I had depression since we started dating and always argued it as if it wasn’t real, crushed my dreams and ambitions, mocked potential suicide attempts, expected me to just abandon all hope to ever leave home to explore someplace new or get a job that I actually love. He was...just the worst. Never hit me though, so I’m grateful for that. But sometimes I wish he would so it would have given me the voice I needed to get out of that relationship much sooner than I did. But regardless, because of him plus having a soul-sucking job that wore me down to the core, Tumblr was my escape. BTS was my escape.

I fell hard and I fell deep. I created a fantasy world within this world. All of my dreams, fantasies, desires, and hopes were poured into my writing. My imagination was running wild. My activity was through the roof because I was always on here day in and out, just pretending like the outside world didn’t exist. It consumed me...but I needed it. Looking back, it was pretty excessive. At the time, I seemed perfectly normal because everyone else was just as active and saying the same things and doing the same things. I felt a belonging, like I fit in.

But I hated the person I became. It took me getting yelled at, mocked, ridiculed, and belittled by my ex to snap me out of that illusion I built and back into reality. That was the roughest night that we had filled with lots of screaming on his end and crying on my part. He thought my obsession was sick. He thought it was disgusting. It all started because he found fake texts I had made with Jimin and Tae. Don’t recall the story it was a part of but he thought they were texts with the actual members… In my eyes, I should get credit for making them look so legit but he didn’t see it that way. He thought fangirling over men was essentially cheating. No matter how hard I tried to explain, he didn’t understand. But a part of his view was right. I learned that I was a bit too much into it and I really needed to take a step back from Tumblr for a while. So I did. I deactivated my account and disappeared for months. Also because he made me and threatened our relationship if I didn’t. Should have taken the out but ah well.

Just two months prior to this incident, I attempted suicide. Well, contemplated. Everything was planned out. Bought a hotel room for Thanksgiving night as I was working a super late shift until about 1-2am. My commute home was an hour long and I still had to come back to work at 7am. So I got a room. Brought a large amount of pills with me and I was going to call it. No notes written to friends, family, or loved ones. Nothing. I was done. Didn’t think anyone would miss me. I just figured the world would keep turning without me. I had thought about doing this several times before but this was my first time making plans for it. It was my lowest of the low. But then I met someone that night that changed my life entirely just in a 10 minute interaction of talking - nothing special. We’ll get to that later. But this person just gave me hope and to this day, I still can’t explain it. It was euphoric. I felt clarity. It was in that night that I thought I might hold out just a little bit longer.

And thus @strwberrytae was born - but it was far from the same. At first, I restarted the blog in secret. Why would I do this? Why would a 25 year old open a blog in secret? Well, two months after the awful fight, my ex proposed to me and I said yes. I know. Believe me, I know. I was scared. My depression was getting worse again. I no longer had an escape except for books. All I did was read so I had some sort of reality to be in besides my own. But returning to a brand new blog did not give the same satisfaction as returning to an old blog.

I worked so hard on my first blog and this redo, I tried to consider it as a gift. Perhaps this was a chance to start anew and rebrand myself. This optimism kept up for quite some time. Slowly, I added my favorite past works then added some new chapters. If you’ve been here with me since 2017, you would know that my appearance on Tumblr was still not the same. Then I got married in October.

An empty, loveless marriage that I regret to this day. Needless to say, my writing and activity on Tumblr was still practically non-existent as I was still too scared of getting caught. Even though he finally gave me permission to use it again because he could tell how miserable it was making me. Yes, gave me permission. Thankfully, it all ended after a year. I finally went to a therapist even though I hated them so much and all past therapists I had. She was pretty great. Within five sessions, I summoned the courage to break up with this guy. I was finally set free. Nearly 9 years together and I finally felt like I could breathe.

Unfortunately, although I was free, I had to live with the guy for about 5 months after the breakup. Which was beyond rough, believe me. Imagine someone writhing in pain and bawling their eyes out and venting non-stop about all of their faults and wrongdoings every single day. At the end of the day, as shitty as he was to me, he was my best friend too. We went through a lot of shit together and he did have some good sides to him too. So witnessing this was horrendous. Needless to say, I wasn’t getting much privacy either. Writing was not my top priority. Now it’s 2019 and things changed drastically for the better - and worst.

Remember the person I met in 2016 on Thanksgiving night? Well, that person is someone I crushed on every since that night. For 2 years. People, I’m telling you. He did absolutely nothing special that night. He didn’t flirt with me. He didn’t check me out. He didn’t do anything remotely to make a girl swoon but I was so drawn to him. The only word that could describe it was “cosmic” - beautifully cosmic. 

Well in January 2019, 2 months following my break up, he came into my store one day. And my god did he look incredible. He was dressed head to toe in black - a fitted black suit at that. He even wore this long, designer jacket to match. Hair shaved on the sides with beautiful, thick dark hair on top. So tall - 182cm. A smile that could kill; quite literally. The canines are on point. He looked like a five course meal. That day, he definitely flirted with me. By the end of the week, we had our first date. Sadly, I also lost my job in the same week and was unemployed for a year because no one would hire me. I was laid off and one of my seniors took my job. Of course, they needed to keep me around for the holidays and then give me the boot. I was devastated. I hated that job so much as it only aided in fueling my depression but losing it was definitely an amazing thing. And! I survived on my savings and definitely didn’t spend my time writing. I had life to sort out last year - like from the ground up. No worries though. I got a job in February 2020 and I love it, so it’s all good, baby. Now I’m in the health field and feel like I’m actually helping people, which I love.

Now, here we are 2 years later and I’m engaged to the man.  Someone who makes me smile everyday, believes in me, encourages me, let’s me be 100% myself, travels with me, taught me how to love myself, taught me to accept my body, gets me on a level that only my best friend could, and someone who goes above and beyond every single day to show me how much he loves me. Bonus, he welcomes my love for BTS with open arms, reads my writing, AND has even been sucked in himself to the fandom. Jungkook and Jimin, look out. You got another fanboy. I thought true love was impossible for me but I was very, very wrong.

He has shown me that I can be happy and I have finally experienced true happiness. When people ask how I’m doing, I don’t cringe and lie through my teeth. I smile and say that I am doing well because by George, I am. Everyone around me has seen me over the last two years and made the comment, “you look so much happier”. They meet him and swoon just as much as I do. Is he perfect? No, he’s not. He has flaws just like everyone else but he actually grows and learns from his mistakes to better himself. That’s what amazes me the most. Even if we argue, which is seldom, he refuses to let it go without resolution so we can always fix whatever the issue is. As we like to call it, we’re in-sync. In everything, we’re always so in-sync. I’m wildly in love, my dudes.

So, why am I not writing anymore? To put it simply, I’m happy and don’t really feel the desire to write anymore - at least not fanfiction. Even when I was super young, like elementary school, I used writing as an outlet for my dark escape. I wrote poetry primarily and by middle school, it turned to fanfiction for Supernatural, Simple Plan, and Panic! At The Disco. Along with a very long list of other bands and shows but anyways. I’ve been severely depressed since I was 15 and fanfiction put me in this hole that I couldn’t get out of. I relied on this method to help me get through all the bad shit I was dealing with. It was my coping mechanism.

Now? While depression never truly goes away as the lovely disease that it is, I am genuinely happy. Because of this, when I opened all of my past works and works in progress, I felt nothing but guilt. Guilt for not keeping up with my chapters or keeping my account active. I felt dread to have to escape in this world that I had created. I felt no joy or excitement. It was the strangest feeling that happened all in a matter of seconds. Thus leading to my final decision to take a step away from writing. Do I still love it? Absolutely. But now I think I’m going to re-route and focus my writing on what I love - reality. I’m going to get back into journaling and write essays about love and beauty as I’ve always loved to do. But for escaping into a fantasy world? I don’t know when I’ll be back.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “But you can write and be happy!” Nah fam. Writing has been my aid through dark times and now I mostly associate it with those dark times. And for once in my life, I feel this desire to enjoy reality and remain in it - with the exception of journaling here and there. Even daydreaming is difficult. It’s strange. I love my reality. This sounds like gloating now but it’s truly a remarkable feeling. When you’ve been battling depression for 15 years, it feels really freaking nice to say that I’m happy.

So that’s why I’m taking a break - in a very long, drawn out way. But my hope was that after this long story, you might understand truly why I am doing this. It would have been easier to just say that writing doesn’t bring me joy anymore but I feel that I owe more than that; especially because I really don’t know if I’ll write for this blog ever again. The last time I took a break, I disappeared without being able to explain myself and I wanted to do so now that I have the chance.

Ultimately, thank you to everyone who has stuck by me over the years. It’s truly been one hell of a rollercoaster. The friends I’ve made on here have seen me at my lowest of the lows. But hey! I’ll still be around. I just won’t be publishing or continuing any of my works anywhere in the near future. Seriously though. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This website has helped me tremendously and I’ll never forget it. Besides, there’s lots of other exciting things happening in my life now so you’ll certainly see me pop in here and there to talk about it ♡

If you wish, you can message me for questions or anything you want to know. I’m an open book - at least about most things hehe. And don’t worry. I still very much love Taehyung and still wildly obsessing over how marvelous he is. Umf.

(here’s some recent photos of me as i rarely take selfies anymore haha. and a derp photo of me and the man i love >_< why is the cutest photo of him with the worst photo of me? still cute though hehe)

[kyluxtrashpit]

TROS Review

Okay here is my extremely long (almost 4k words >.>) review of tros. And that’s without the 2k meta on redemption arcs I also have filed away lmao. First off: I am not leaving the kylux fandom. It’s not a good enough movie to warrant that. Second: I might make a post of things I wished we’d gotten later, but this is already WAY too long lmao. Warnings for spoilers, opinions, and general negativity

EXPLICIT RISE OF SKYWALKER SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT

So. I have watched the thing. I went in knowing the spoilers and oh boy, am I glad I did. Still, overall this movie was… not great lmao. It’s messy and the pacing is off and there are some very weird and straight up Bad moments, but I’m not actually upset about it anymore. It’s more like ‘there’s a lot to unpack here’ except we’re not going to unpack it or even throw away the whole thing, it’s just gonna become that one box that’s still packed and untouched from when you moved 3 years ago. It’s there, but you rarely think about it beyond the occasional ‘maybe I should finally unpack that? Nah, too much effort’

I see a lot of people writing fix it fic and that’s totally valid but tbh… I don’t think it’s worth the effort for me. I think I’m just going to pretend it never happened and write my kylux the way I always have. Maybe I’ll do something with tros at some point, maybe some mean!Hux + redeemed!Ben because I’m awful lmao but for now, it hasn’t changed my plans at all. Which is actually a good thing tbh

Anyway. I’ll start with the good simply because there’s less of it lmao. Best thing about the movie? Everyone in it is looking like a fucking snack. It’s great. These people have always been hot, but this movie really nailed that. Also the trio stuff was fun and felt genuine. I LOVED the hints that Finn is Force sensitive, and I liked him in this movie even though I wish he got more story/time. I enjoyed Rey at the beginning, but her actions and plotline made less and less sense as the movie went on. Kylo was fun; I had gotten worried after that interview that said he’s calm now but he wasn’t lmao, like at all, so that was good. Also I didn’t like how Hux died but I’m endlessly grateful Kylo wasn’t the one to kill him. That might’ve actually ruined the ship for me

The visuals were excellent (save that strobing near the beginning; I’m not epileptic, but I had to close my eyes because it was too much). Some of the jokes hit will, as did some of the emotional bits (Chewie’s “death” was very well-executed and Rey’s scream broke my heart). Weirdly enough, C-3PO is kind of the heart of the movie, which I did not expect at all. Lando’s appearances were too brief but good. I also loved D-O a lot and he’s very cute. I liked seeing a bunch of new planets and environments, however briefly. The acting was also really great throughout on most accounts. I really enjoyed 2 of the Hux scenes (when he’s sitting in that board meeting making a face like he’s mentally eviscerating everyone in the room and when he gets so excited to finally get to blow something up and then Kylo shuts him up with the Force BUT WITHOUT HARMING HIM!!!)

That’s kind of it tbh. The movie overall is really messy. I’ve seen people say it feels like a fever dream and it really does. I’ve seen descriptions of people dreaming the plot of tros and they’re less weird. The pacing in the first chunk is way too fast and there’s way too much to take in. Then things get weird in the middle. Then, well, that ending. It feels like it’s trying too hard to be liked. It’s ‘joke’, ‘reference to past movie’, ‘joke’, ‘reference to past movie’, ‘mention of hope without showing it’, etc. etc. on and on throughout it. Some of those are fun, but it got tiring very quickly. And it made it impossible for me to suspend disbelief long enough to actually get into it

I also saw a lot of reviews saying if you didn’t like tlj, you would like this one. That was not correct. I disliked this for many of same reasons I disliked tlj, but it also managed to hold tfa’s weaknesses as well. Honestly, tros feels like the worst aspects of tlj mixed with the worst aspects of tfa, mixed with way too much nostalgia and then blended up with a good heaping of mania and desperation to keep it going. It tried so hard, wanted to be liked so badly, and you can feel that watching it. It doesn’t feel genuine

It also feels like every single movie in the ST was actually from a different trilogy. None of the 3 connect to each other. You can’t say tros is a successor to tlj or tfa; it’s totally on a different path, which I’m honestly not sure how they managed that. As much as I felt tlj wasn’t a true continuation of tfa, tros feels like its own trilogy mashed into one movie. There wasn’t one consistent plot or character thread to follow between all 3 movies

I think bringing palpatine back was the first fundamental mistake. It didn’t fit. And after creating Kylo and Snoke to be very specifically Not Sith, why bring the Sith back all of a sudden? Palpatine has had his day and he didn’t need this. No one did. Much as he was creepy as hell and that was well done, it didn’t feel right to have him there. Also, I really don’t like the implication he procreated at any point skdfjskldjk

As for Rey… I know I’m in the minority here, but I never found here to be a good narrative foil for Kylo. The connection between the two doesn’t really interest me at all (and this was one of the reasons I didn’t like tlj). It worked better if they were related, which was the biggest reason I was a proponent of Rey Skywalker, but that didn’t happen. The commonalities they have are just: 1) can use the Force, 2) have been lonely. The contrasts are: 1) light vs dark (sort of; this is less explicit in tfa and I miss that greyer view of the Force) and 2) had a family vs didn’t. And that’s pretty much it. In order for 2 characters to contrast and hit the ‘complimentary opposites’ sweet spot, you need much, much more than that. Finn has and always will be a better foil for Kylo and it’s a damn shame they abandoned that in tlj and even more so in tros. I have more thoughts on her that I’ll get to later too

I did like Rey in the beginning, but the longer it went on, the less I could rationalize her actions. Why is she doing that? Why is she trying to ditch her friends all the time? Why does she heal the cave snake? Why does she stab Kylo when he’s just become a non-combatant? Why does she heal him after? Why is she trying to reach out to the spirits of past jedi? Why did she Do That after she wakes up in the end? Why did she then seem to not even care that Kylo died right after? None of this is explained. Show, don’t tell, is great, but you can’t just make massive leaps like that. I didn’t get it. None of this felt like the character I’ve gotten to know over the last few years, nor did it feel consistent within the movie itself

That said, I want to discount one complaint I’ve seen: I got no impression she’s exiling herself on Tatooine at the end. It’s very clear she’s just doing a quick funeral ritual for Luke and Leia. The Falcon is still there, ready for when she’s done. I don’t get where the ‘she’s all alone in the desert again forever and ever’ comes from because it’s clear she’s not. It’s just a private ceremony (plus obvious fanservice). That’s it

For Finn: I liked that his character got to be a lot cooler here. I’m sad that he didn’t get half the attention and plot he deserved, but at least he wasn’t treated as a joke and a coward. My tlj complaint for Finn was that he went through the exact same arc he did in tfa over again; here, he doesn’t. He’s clearly grown into himself. That I liked. But damn, he was supposed to be a main character and he really got sidelined hard. It’s also very clear finnrey was planned at some point but didn’t end up in the final cut. The tease with that felt cruel tbh. He deserved to get to tell Rey he loved her on screen

And Poe: Poe was okay in this one. He felt to me like a different character in tfa and tlj, but this one managed to mesh the two characterizations well. He’s a bit of a hothead who doesn’t think (tlj), but he also really cares about people and is trying his best to lead (tfa). That was very successfully done. However. Poe is the one character with the most backstory. He’s got novels, comics, all of it. Where in the fuck is this history of being a spice runner in all that??? Sketchy as hell to make your one Latino character being a drug runner but you know. It also felt like a HUGE retcon of the one character that actually has fully revealed backstory. Also his thing with Zori was just weird and forced and exhaustingly heterosexual. Completely pointless tbh

As I was rereading this, I realized I forgot Rose but really, that’s because she does pretty much nothing. She has very few lines, never comes along. It’s like they forgot she was there. Or just didn’t care. It was really sad and a huge disrespect to everything KMT has gone through. Both her and her character deserved more

For Hux: I liked the 2 scenes I mentioned above, but other than that I was disappointed. I said this on twitter already, but the biggest crime they committed was getting rid of his fanaticism. Tlj may have turned him into a joke, but at least he was still a zealot. Here, it’s clear he gave up his last fuck like a year ago. It’s 9 am and he’s had 6 glasses of wine because he’s lost the will to live and it’s all pointless. Might as well fuck around and give the Resistance info that might lead to the end of everything he’s worked for his entire life because nothing matters and at least Kylo will lose. That’s dumb and violently ooc. I get him being a traitor to Kylo, I am DOWN for that, but not to the FO. He cares about the FO. He is fanatically devoted to the FO. That was ridiculous and wildly out of character. Also the FO is just gone in favour of Palpatine’s fleet as soon as Hux dies? What happened to them? Are they still out there? Who even knows? WHAT A FUCKING WASTE

Also Pryde? Fuck that guy and fuck JJ/LF/Disney for thinking it’s okay to have an old imperial kill Hux. Especially since the visual dictionary today confirmed Pryde knew Brendol and our Hux had known him for years. The possible implications are gross as fuck. If anyone was going to kill Hux one on one, it should have been Finn (with a wonderful stormtrooper rebellion arc involved) for the sake of both characters. I’m personally going to choose to believe Hux was wearing a blaster proof vest (thank you, Delilah Dawson, for putting those into Black Spire as canon) and faked his death. He’s living in blissful exile with Millie now or rebuilding the actual FO and ready to take over as the Emperor he deserves to be

Oh and Leia’s scenes did feel weird. I appreciate them trying to incorporate her, but it didn’t quite work. I feel like having her be offscreen yet present would’ve worked better than most of what they used. Some worked better than others though. I also have some Thoughts about her death but I’m about to get into the second half of the movie stuff and I’ll cover that there

Now Kylo. My darling, sweet, disaster boy. So. Okay. I knew no matter what happened his end would be controversial. And I have a lot of feelings on redemption arcs that can be distilled into one thing: if they’re written well, I like them, no matter how much bad the character has done; however, they are almost never written well enough. One of the first things I said coming out of tfa back in 2015 is ‘that’s going to be a disappointing redemption arc in a few years’. It was never about what ending I wanted (I actually favour something more grey than simply ‘oh he’s good now’ or ‘dies evil’, but that was way too ambitious for them to attempt so I never bothered to hope for it), because I knew it was coming. So this didn’t really bother me beyond the fact that it was too sudden. I do blame that partially on tlj, because it took Kylo from conflicted and torn apart to ‘yeah, I’m in charge now’, but I still think this was not the way to do it. Anyway. I have a 2k word rant somewhere about redemption arcs and when they work and when they don’t that I never posted and this is the much, much shorter version of that

Also. Okay. One more thing on this. So I usually don’t like redemption arcs because they’re written badly, but my least favourite redemption arcs are those that end in death. The only one I can think of that actually worked was Vader’s, but it doesn’t work as well with Kylo. Why? Because redemption is about making amends, not being punished. It’s about choosing to stop doing bad shit and instead to do good things to make up for what you’ve done. In self-sacrifice, not only does it send the message that the only path to redemption is death, but also it means you do literally one thing and then die. That’s it. One good deed, die, you’re done. That’s too fucking easy. True redemption is waking up every single day, for the rest of your life, and continuing to choose to do good. You know that evil is easier, feels better; you’ve done it. But you’re making the choice to keep doing good and to make amends instead. And you do that for years. Decades, even. That is SO MUCH harder to do than just one good thing and then immediately dying without showing if that change is lasting or not. That is how redemption is achieved: in making that choice not once, but again and again and again. So yeah. I didn’t like that. Death redemptions aren’t convincing to me because one choice is easy; consistently making that choice over the rest of your life is much, much harder

End of point: if they were going to redeem Kylo, he needed to live and work to make up for his past mistakes in order to make it impactful. It’s a damn shame he didn’t

Also: having Leia die for the sake of a man, son or not? FUCK THAT. And, even worse, if we follow the movie’s logic: Leia died trying to reach and save her son. Which lead to… him dying anyway?! Which means Leia’s death is meaningless and she died for literally nothing. Fuck that. FUCK THAT. What the fuck. That’s bullshit

Again on the redemption: Kylo just… kills his good friends the KOR without a shred of hesitation? Also the KOR literally never speak? And Kylo says literally one word (‘ow’) after the redemption? I admit, it was fun watching him fight and also watching him get hurt. If I ignore the context of it, watching him crawl out of the pit, scrabbling on the ground, so hurt he can’t even stand up? Fuck. That was good shit tbh. Also those big, desperate puppy eyes. They’re even worse with him as Ben instead of Kylo. Bravo to Adam for playing such a convincing sad boy. I hate that his scar got healed though; I liked it

Now. The whole ending and the plot stuff. Rey being a palpatine is… okay. Fine. I don’t like it but whatever. Seems like an unnecessary excuse to bring him back. Also Luke and Leia knowing? How? Luke knew Rey for literally 1 day. And how would Leia know? And why not tell Rey, who was so desperate for answers to her past when they thought Palpatine was dead? It makes no sense. It’s just very unnecessary. Not to mention the line “you’re a palpatine” is not a thing any real human being would ever say, jfc that was clumsy and unrealistic dialogue. I don’t mind Rey going a bit dark for some time, but this was not the way to do it. Also I was really hoping for a resolution beyond ‘dark siders dead, light sider alive’ because the dichotomous nature of the Force MAKES NO SENSE. Balance is needed. Leaving the only Force user alive a light sider means something dark will come again for the sake of it – Rey should’ve gone grey and tbh tfa made me hope this trilogy would end with all surviving Force users grey. So that was disappointing

Now. The kiss. Straight up: I do not ship it. I don’t mind if other people do, but I do get touchy when they go out of their way to prove there’s nothing inherently problematic about it. I ship kylux; it’s problematic as hell. That’s a good part of why I like it. So I’m fine with r*ylo shippers as long as they do the same. Problem is: most don’t and go around insisting it’s actually the highest romance possible while leaning on incredibly misogynistic and racist tropes to prop up that argument rather than accept their ship has some questionable parts to it (like kyluxers do). It’s more a problem with the fandom for me than it is the ship in theory. Still, I don’t like it and that’s what matters for this

The fact of the matter is it felt extremely sudden and out of place. The entire first half of the movie is Kylo being an aggressive, creepy asshole to Rey. I can theoretically entertain the idea of Kylo having feelings for her (though I don’t), but I cannot see the other way around, not when Rey has so many kind, wonderful people around her. Which is why this feels so weird. There was not enough build to it. I saw a cam clip off reddit before I went in, so I had accepted it was happening but I expected a lot more lead up to it to make it not seem so sudden. None of that was there. There was no build up or reaching of understanding so it reads exactly like those versions of it I dislike: there is nothing wrong with a man berating you and insulting you and attacking you and you should love him for it. That is not enemies to lovers. That’s just abusive bullshit

And then the death. Both of them. Rey dies from… what exactly? It’s never shown at all. And same with Kylo. The leaks said it was Force exhaustion, which a) why? And b) that’s not clear in the damn movie. You need to explain things!!!! And also that means Leia, Luke, Kylo, and Rey all died (even if one didn’t stick) from using the Force too hard. Meanwhile Darth Maul survives getting cut in half and Palpatine survives falling down a shaft in a space station that explodes 2 minutes later (and, you know, all the wacky Force shit he did in this movie too). The fuck? It’s dumb. I hate it

Also the dyad thing was weird. I know the early leaks had it more explained, then the leaks said they cut it, but now it looks like they left in 3 lines of dialogue with it and cut the rest. Again, explanations people! This is not a thing in previous canon! Maybe in the EU, but that’s not canon anymore! The fuck!!!! The idea is dumb and forced to begin with, but the execution made it worse

And now for the final, largest criticism I have. A confession: I am not a star wars fan by nature. I’ve always liked them, but I preferred other sci-fi more. I’m more of an invasive species who forcibly carved my way into this fandom ecological niche because I really loved Kylo lmao. But if there is one thing star wars is defined by, I don’t think it’s love or family or any of those common themes people say. It’s hope. That’s the thing star wars does well. Even when things are darkest, it keeps the hope alive and it makes you feel that. Good will triumph. There is reason to believe in heroes, even when they stumble

This movie is not hopeful. Rogue One, a masterful tragedy, still manages a message of hope despite every single lead character dying. This one doesn’t. And tbh, I think tlj missed on this a bit too (a lot of talk about having hope, not a lot of showing us reasons to be hopeful), but it was still there. Tros does not feel hopeful. The Skywalkers are all dead. Rey has decided to download the legacy (why? No idea! The whole message was ‘don’t be afraid of who you are’ and she just then decided to become someone else? Makes no sense!!!). Anakin’s sacrifice meant nothing because Palpatine came back (and it is CRIMINAL we never got an Anakin and Kylo scene). Han and Leia’s and even Luke’s (a bit) deaths meant nothing because yeah, Kylo turned back in the end, but then he died anyway. They all gave their lives to save him and it was all for nothing. He’s still dead. Palpatine is gone and so is his fleet, but what about the FO fleet? Are they still out there? Are there brainwashed stormtroopers still trapped in its clutches (also, they were so close with Jannah and Finn to adding depth here, but nope, the stormtroopers are still cannon fodder in every fight scene even though they’re literally slaves!!!!)? Who knows!

This movie only feels conclusive in that so many characters we love are dead. That’s it. There’s more questions than answers and so much left unresolved. There’s no sense of hope in it. There’s barely a sense of victory. It’s not satisfying. Even the celebration at the end feels weird and like it’s trying to force you to be happy. The jedistormpilot hug was good, but the lesbian kiss was such a cheap attempt at trying to appease people calling for representation. The moment with Lando and Jannah at the end was probably the most hopeful part of the movie and neither of them are lead characters

Idk. I know this is pretty negative. But I didn’t really enjoy this movie. Some parts were fun, or funny, or exciting, or emotional. But overall? No. This was not a satisfying conclusion for any of these characters, either the new or the old. They missed. Hard. Not one character was truly done justice. And it’s disappointing. But it’s over now and I have no intentions of letting it dictate my fandom activities. I’m just going to pretend it didn’t happen and call it a day

[edorazzi]

Well, here we are again! Twitter said yes to a review post for a Miraculous magazine that suddenly showed up in my local area. ‘Tis the season after all, and by that I mean someone bought it for me as a joke birthday gift and I was way too happy about that.

I’ve done previous reviews of the Miraculous Christmas calendar, Easter egg set, superhero fashion dolls and action figures, so let’s dive into the unknown world of merchandising yet again!

(As always, if you enjoy my posts, please consider checking out my Twitter page or supporting me on Patreon for lots of bonus content!)

4 FREE GIFTS! PACKED WITH ACTIVITIES! MEET THE KWAMIS! PRANKS & LOLS! CUT-OUT MEMES! FANGIRL ALERT! NAIL ART! 100% OFFICIAL! I’m overwhelmed! It feels like I’m having a seizure just from the packaging!!! 

I should preface this by saying I haven’t bought a magazine like this in years. Possibly ever. I read things like the Beano, Animals & You and the odd Disney Princess zine when I was a kid but I have no idea what to expect from a free-gift-packed kiddie magazine in 2019. If the outside is anything to go by we’re in for a wild ride.

I’m noticing that it says “Miraculous #20″ on the back. Does this mean I’ve missed 19 previous issues? I’m genuinely a little upset by that. My local area is a complete dry zone for Miraculous so I haven’t had the chance to pick these up.

First step: let’s separate everything out and get a look at these freeeee giftssss. Except they aren’t free, because this magazine was like £3.99. This does seem to be the current trend - it’s kinda rare to see any kids’ zines without the excess packaging crammed with ‘free’ stuff. Is it really too expensive to just produce the magazine? Probably, in this economy.

Chat Noir is revealed on the cover! He was on the back of the plastic jacket, but it’s still nice to see the kids as a front-cover duo. Apparently we’re going to learn to draw Pollen, too, which sounds fun. I’m actually liking the look of the gifts as well, but we’ll get into those in a minute.

This hairbrush............. is adorable. Oh my god. It’s pretty cheap and flimsy but it functions the way it’s supposed to, and the Ladybug design has been taken into account in a better way than “it’s red/black, that counts” (lest we forget the UTTER BULLSHIT of the Christmas calendar, and YES I’m still mad about that). I don’t know how well I expect the outer sticker to last, but if it can take a bit of wear and tear this would be an adorable little travel brush. Nicely done, lads!

These nail stickers? Also adorable. They remind me of the kiddie makeup sets I had when I was little, back in the early 00s when plastic stick-on nails and decals were all the rage. Are they still a thing? That’s nice to know.

There are 13 designs (that I can count) - a Queen Bee mask, Chat Noir pawprint cake, macaron, cupcake, heart-print cookie, Ladybug stud, flower, lightning bolt, love heart, Marinette heart, bee, fox tail and star. The majority are directly related to the show and that makes them feel special. No Carapace though? :(

I’ve put a little Marinette heart on my furthest finger. At the time of typing this up (about a day later) it’s still firmly in place. I haven’t really knocked it around, granted, but it’s not flimsy enough to fall off after five minutes either. It’s also really cute to look at. Guess I’m still a decal-loving 2004 girl at heart......

These stickers though!!! Wow! They’re those holographic and slightly-puffy kind and they feel like pretty good quality, and the designs are so cute! I can’t fault these, they’re absolutely adorable. I immediately want to stick them everywhere.

So I’ve stuck them everywhere. I’m especially proud of the light switch pun. My room looks GREAT.

I saved these “mystery stickers” for last because I’m weak for the thrill of mystery bags, and there wasn’t anything on the packaging to indicate what kind of designs to expect. And OH!!!! OH, IT’S MY BOY!!!! Look at him!!!! 

I made jokes with the Christmas calendar about all the Chat Noir items being stolen ahead of time, but that’s definitely NOT the case with this magazine. I have been SPOILED with the presence of my cat son.

These stickers are similar to the sticker sheet (and the Chillin’ Out design is reprinted), but they’re puffier and non-holographic. I’m deeply allured by the “decorate your phone or tablet” suggestion on the packet, but I’m going to see how the previous stickers withstand the wear-and-tear of my laptop lid before adding any more. If I damage these beautiful Adrien stickers I’ll be devastated.

Those are our free gifts! They’re actually very fun and cute, I’m really happy with them! I guess now it’s time to get into the magazine itself...........

I genuinely almost forgot the magazine was the main part of this package. I figured I was done, but we’ve barely even started! Here’s a splash page of the kwami. Kwami with a capital K? Kwamis? I still feel like it should be singular-lower-case-k-kwami. I’ve never been happy about this “miraculouses” business either.

But is that--

It IS!!!! It’s Nino!!! 

I guess this is the new flavour of Miraculous tie-ins. Now they’ve broadened out to a full team we’re seeing a lot more of Adrien alongside the girls, and Nino is the elusive hero who shows up once in a blue moon. At least this time his name isn’t in the title of the gotdam show.......

Anyway, I can see I’m supposed to draw my “fave Kwami”. Better get to it.

Felix just wants a break. Just one break. But not in this magazine.

Speaking of seeing more of Adrien (and, tragically, less of Nino), this is the kind of splash page I want to see! Both kids are here! The banner themed with Marinette’s signature flowers is a nice touch too; that’s associated with her arts ‘n’ crafts in the show already and it makes sense to apply it to the creative portion of this magazine too.

I LOVE the promotion of Chat Noir nails as something the little girls buying this magazine will definitely want to try. I’d expect them to do Marinette vs Ladybug nails, but instead we get a boyish option! Hell yeah!

I’m a little confused by the Queen Bee masks apparently going on the Chat Noir nails though. I guess they’re friends? Is this secret AdriChlo confirmation? Watch out, Marinette, Kagami’s not the one to be worried about.

SURE WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE SOME TURTLE STICKERS FOR AN ALL-BOYS THEME BUT I GUESS NOT HUH

Next up is a short merch catalogue (why would you put the big bold arrow pointing right to the underoos.....). Would those Chat Noir socks come in my size? Asking for me.

Then there’s......... this page. FANGIRL ALERT. God. It’s like the Ladyblog, if only the Ladyblog ever gave a heck about reporting what Chat Noir’s up to.

THE SPELL WAS BROKEN AND THE FANDOM IMPLODED WITH JOY.

I really have to wonder what age range this is meant for. Do kids know what a “fandom” is? Do little girls consider themselves “fangirls”? I guess most kids have enough internet access to figure it out these days (all the hashtags and LOLs and memes speak volumes), but I can’t imagine being young enough to fit the target range of this magazine while also knowing these terms. I dunno.

(Also, the definition of ‘implosion’ is ‘an instance of something collapsing violently inwards’, so I’m not sure that’s the word they’re looking for. Unless the return to the status quo in Dark Cupid and the continuing stagnation of the love square was enough to make people quit in frustration? Probably.)

I’m filling it in, of course. Because I must.

I gave up on the pre-approved ratings system pretty much right away, but I think this is an accurate rating of my LadyNoir opinions. 

I might be kinda cynical about it here, but I am actually pretty fond of how this magazine sells Ladybug and Chat Noir as a couple. The show’s portraying it as very onesided lately, with Chat pining over Ladybug who has absolutely no interest in him (Glaciator was a TERRIBLE episode and I’m still hurting from it), but reading this zine I’d guess they were already dating. It’s cheesy, but in a nice way.

I have to laugh at “the most amazing thing about this super duo is that they always look out for and protect each other” though. Chat’s usually pretty focused on LB, sure, but there are endless instances of LB using Chat as cannon fodder and just generally abandoning him to get mauled by akuma while she carries out her personal private plan to save the day. Maybe we’re just focusing on the better-written episodes, huh?

Moving ahead. I’ve been dreading this page since reading “Plaggs Pranks & LOLs” on the back of the packaging. I feel hatred in my very bones just looking at it.

I like that there’s ONE instance of the term “ladybird” in the joke column. This is a UK-based magazine and that IS the word we tend to use over here - “ladybug” is an Americanism - but it’s like they’re worried kids could have got to the middle of this magazine about a superhero named Ladybug and then not understand the bug jokes. Maybe whoever was writing this page slipped up?

OH NOOOOO. MARINETTE, NOOOOOOOOOO.

THIS IS WHY FELIX GOT RID OF YOU, PLAGG. THESE ARE ADRIEN’S PROBLEMS NOW.

(mmm whatcha saaaaay)

I mean........... YEAH, I guess, but we absolutely did see Plagg destroy Felix with an entire shelf of heavy books. I guess he’s nicer with Adrien. It’s all fun and games until someone has a nervous breakdown in the library.

I do love the concept of Tikki getting glitter-bombed by Plagg through the mail. She just curiously opens up the little letter which got slipped into Marinette’s purse, and-- WOOSH. One entire wall of Mari’s room is glittery except for a little Tikki-shaped silhouette. 

Next up is a two-page comic which is absolutely adorable! Look at those little chibis! The warm and soft colour palette! This is nicer than most of the official Miraculous comic book art I’ve seen, I hope they keep giving this artist work.

Nino’s here too (and he looks great!), and I like the touch of Marinette and Adrien playing as each other’s superhero characters. Adrien even wins the match, though I guess there’s something to be said about Ladybug beating Chat Noir (again)...... 

It does raise the question yet again of where this tie-in merchandise is coming from! They’ve had action figures, a movie, music video features, now an arcade game... Who’s getting the royalties here? Who’s profiting? Is this how Fu can afford to buy all those rare ingredients for the magic potions?

Over the page we have an activity to Design your Secret Lair! Right away I love the Marinette theme of the page, the soft pink and flowers, and the drawing space looking like a page in a binder with marker tabs and everything.

I have to design my secret lair, of course: 

What do you think? I’m very creative. I’ll need an adult to send in the drawing of my hideout but I think I’ve really got a shot at those unicorn headphones.

Now we’re on to puzzles and character pages. I don’t know what ol’ Gabe is doing trying to meet a 13 year old girl in the dead of night without telling anyone, you’d think if he’s got that much free time on his hands he could be spending it with his son.

I don’t know how those points in Ladybug’s power profile are awarded or what they mean, but you can tell this is a fan magazine. Official sources would have put her at a 10.

Standard House of Villains page! Most of these were good episodes but I’m deeply offended Riposte isn’t on here. Maybe her motives weren’t dramatic and cartoonish enough to be up in the ranks with Glaciator and Gorizilla?

“Cat Noir’s dad is also the evil Hawk Moth”, huh? I mean that’s not WRONG, but is it really something to put in his power profile when Adrien doesn’t even know yet??? Feels like we’re kinda jumping the gun on the poor boy. What if he picks up this magazine?

Apparently he’s one point weaker than Ladybug (seriously???), two points faster, equally as agile, one point less skilled and two points less cool. Despite all those lesses he still comes out at an equal 9, which is a relief! These kids are a team, putting either of them below the other would have been a big no.

I did the colouring page too, naturally. Je suis un artiste.

Now we’ve got a page fresh from the Ladyblog, a Miraculous quiz! Not a lot of excitement, but it’s nice to see Alya getting her own section.

I like that the qualifications of “you could be Ladybug herself!” are knowing what city Marinette lives in and what school she goes to. Well done, Mari! You’re doing your best!!!

TEACHER I AM SO HUNGRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I gotta say, I’m not so sure about decorating donuts with fondant. I’ve never tried it so I could be wrong, but it feels like rolled icing instead of frosting(?) would be too heavy for an entire donut. The texture is totally different.

I mean I guess if you’re going to load your kids up on sugar you might as well go all the way. They’re going to look like they’ve eaten something horrible with all that black fondant, but they’ll have fun. Adrien would love these.

WHERE’S NINO. THIS IS JUST UNFAIR. You’ll have four out of five heroes, then a double of Marinette and Tikki? Maybe this just goes to show how little memorable dialogue Carapace has.

Though if “Spots On!” is Marinette’s dialogue and not Ladybug’s, why are the other transformation phrases attributed to Rena Rouge and Queen Bee instead of Alya and Chloé? Surely they could have picked something better for Marinette to justify having her on this list twice instead of Nino.

The next page brings us one of those flowchart quizzes! And ouch, yet again the absence of the other heroes is obvious. I can understand not including Chloé here since she’s technically not a “friendly” character yet, but no Nino? Alya and Marinette are close friends, but Adrien doesn’t really hang out with them without Nino around. Having the three of them together just seems strange.

I do like the little fashion page! They’re all cute and affordable and easy to find on the high street here. I’d love to see how other issues of this magazine are structured; is there a different fashion spot every time? Styles to channel each individual hero would be adorable.

Moving on to a tutorial for a Ladybug notebook! I would have made this, but I didn’t have the time nor a notebook to stick it to.

Between this and the donuts, it seems weird that these designs are based on, like... an actual beetle, eyes and antennae and all. Shouldn’t it be Ladybug’s symbol? These come across more like “fun animals” arts ‘n’ crafts instead of themed after Miraculous specifically. I think if I made this (or decorated the donuts) I’d miss out the head and match the spot pattern to Ladybug’s symbol. 

The hidden message design is adorable though. I can see this being a craft kids are super proud of.

Another activity page! I didn’t have a go at these but they’re pretty standard. It’s cute that the coded message designs are the same as the stickers and nail decals!

Also, apparently Ladybug’s ‘secret’ is “LB mask + heart + CN mask”, which was (somehow) stolen by Volpina. Is that the secret Hawk Moth was talking about earlier in the magazine? Is he blackmailing Ladybug with revealing she has a crush on Chat Noir? How did Volpina ‘steal’ this secret? Is LadyNoir finally reciprocated???? THIS IS A WHOLE EPISODE IN ITSELF, I NEED ANSWERS--

Next page we have an ad for another girly magazine (Quizzes! LOLs! Celebs! Cringes! Puzzles!). I think I’ll pass, no matter how appealing that giant microphone pen is. 

And a “Miraculous Identity” quiz! Tikki’s apparently super fickle with her wielders, three seasons of relentlessly praising Marinette and now she’s telling us we’re the Chosen Ones. You can’t fool me with those big ol’ eyes.

My inner superhero is Marvellous Fox, by the way. Though yet again I’m noticing we don’t have turtle options...................

And on the back cover... the memes. Oh, sweet lord, the memes. They’re hashtag-SoRelatable! And I can cut them out to keep! Oh boy!!!

Is this what kids do when they have limited internet access? Cut fresh memes out of magazines and carry them around? I need to know.

That’s a very sinister Ladybug at the bottom of the page though. What’s-- What’s she going to do to me if I don’t cut out and keep these memes. Ladybug what are you going to do if I d--

Well that brings us to the end of the magazine! And yet again I’m surprised by how much time it takes to just put a bunch of photos together and write about them.

This is a neat little magazine all in all! The ‘free gifts’ are pretty nice, there’s a fair amount of content and the whole thing is pretty cute for young fans of the show. I could see myself buying this again - if it ever shows up on shelves, Miraculous is so scarce around here that I fully expect it to disappear again after this one issue - just for the free junk, but it would be interesting to see how they’d structure different issues too!

I notice we never did get that promised tutorial on how to draw Pollen; the one advertised on the cover. Was the “draw your favourite Kwami” activity supposed to cover that? I’m not sure that really counts.

If you got this far, thanks for joining me on this Miraculous journey! We’ll meet again whenever I get another piece of weird ML merch to cover.��Bien joué!

[kalinara]

Rip Week #1  The Many Faces of Rip

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything positive about Legends of Tomorrow.  However, it’s Rip Hunter Appreciation Week, which is a time meant for positivity!   At one point this show, and this character, had me blogging meta on a daily basis for almost two and a half years and introduced me to some great people! And I will always be grateful for that.

So the topic for Day 1 of Rip Hunter Appreciation Week: The Many Faces of Rip Hunter.

One thing that still fascinates me about Rip as a character is that, even though he’d only been a central character on the show for 1.5 seasons, we’ve gotten to see so many different sides of the character.  He’s been deconstructed so thoroughly and so fascinatingly, allowing us to really appreciate what makes the character tick.

Let’s start with Rip himself, the baseline number.  The guy who kidnapped a bunch of assholes, brought them to the roof of a tall building (and I still wonder how the stringy little bastard actually managed that) and gave them a sales pitch of a lifetime.

From the opening scene of the pilot, to Rip’s almost goodbye into the sun in Legendary, season one was first and foremost the story of a man broken by grief and betrayal, who slowly, and reluctantly found a reason to go on, and people to share it with.  Rip spent season one a raw, open wound, ugly in his pain and rage.  He tried very hard not to stay focused on his goal. He tried very hard not to care about his team.

He failed pretty much on day one, when he saved Martin Stein’s marriage.  He failed again not too long after that when he abandoned the closest thing he had to a working plan to get Carter’s body back for Kendra.  And he kept failing over and over again.

And they saved him.  They challenged him.  They forced him to look outside of his single-focused obsession and look at the people that they could save around them.  They forced him to take a long hard look at what he was doing when he started to go too far.  And he very clearly and very obviously loved them for it.

I still can’t believe that fandom still tries to claim that Rip didn’t care about his team, when we saw how broken he was after each major loss: Carter, Leonard, even Jax (almost).  That’s not a man who is unfeeling.

We saw Rip as a child: a tiny savage creature who, even when warm and fed, was still ready to stab the nearest adult who threatened him.  It gave a new, fascinating insight to the tension Rip had with both Leonard Snart and Mick Rory.  As well as possibly another reason that he’d bonded with Sara so strongly.  Rip is someone who understands what it means to become a monster in order to survive, and what it means to have to live with that afterward.  It likely does make it difficult when face to face with people who represented the worst of that time (and that’s not even touching on how child Rip probably met a number of people who looked and acted similar to our lovable Rogues, and it likely would not have ended well.)

We’ve never really seen the man Rip was before he was broken.  Except perhaps for a giddy romantic moment with Miranda and that horrible humiliation when they were caught.  We’ve heard a bit more: from that pirate in Marooned, from Magister Druce and Jonah Hex.   We can draw inferences: a man who was capable and skilled (though perhaps not as skilled as his wife :-)), who never the less was a rulebreaker at heart.  Someone who fell in love with the idea of heroism to the point where he almost left the Time Masters entirely.  Someone who, while loyal, wasn’t quite willing to trust his masters with the tool to unmake reality.  But at the same time, someone whose fundamental trust in INDIVIDUALS like Mary Xavier and Magister Druce, survived even when his world fell apart.

At the end of season 1, we got a Rip Hunter who was ready to finally move past his grief, and it will forever be something of a disappointment to me that the series decided to give us a time jump instead of actually showing us Rip learning to be part of a real team.

But season 2 did give us a truly fascinating deconstruction of Rip Hunter as an individual.

One very common plot in almost every superhero’s story is the depowerment story arc.  Who is our hero when he doesn’t have what makes him a hero?  It’s most common for men like Superman of course, but we even get it for folks like Batman or Green Arrow.  What are these men without their money, or their physicality?

What is Rip Hunter without his knowledge, his memories, or his time machine?

Well, we saw him.  And he was adorable!  Phil Gasmer was a hilarious story beat, but unlike maybe certain other storyline elements that we see in later seasons, there was also a point to Phil Gasmer.  Phil Gasmer showed us the kind of man that Rip Hunter is deep down.

He’s creative.  He’s clever.  He’s determined.  He’s a little whiny.  And definitely high.  Rip is a man who would benefit from a little unofficial pharmaceutical help.  He’s a man who, when the world suddenly goes sideways, will first attempt to protect his friend.  He’s a man who, when face to face with a stranger with scary abilities, will try to hit him with a script.  He’s a man who loves his team so much that even when he has no conscious recollection of them, he made them the basis of his movie.  And he’s a man who walked out to face the Legion to save a bunch of strangers who kidnapped him, because it was the right thing to do.

I’d like to think in another universe, Phil didn’t get kidnapped by Eobard Thawne there, but instead made it back on the ship, where the crew actually got the chance to get to know Rip without all the baggage.  I think they’d have gotten along.

And then there’s evil Rip.

“Teammate goes evil” storylines are a dime a dozen, in superhero lore, but there’s a reason for that.  When done well, they can be amazing.  And ultimately, I think the evil Rip storyline was done very well.

One of the things that I always liked about the evil Rip storyline is how it utterly destroyed that pervasive (and wrong!) fan idea that Rip never cared about his team.  Because they showed us a Rip who didn’t care about his team, and he was a fucking scary son of a bitch.

He also showed us how Rip’s best worst enemy was always going to be himself.  Because holy shit, Rip is competent when he’s not tripping himself up.  Turncoat was terrifying in all the best ways, and even that opening of Land of the Lost was amazing.  It’s still very amusing to me that the most effective member of the Legion of Doom was the one Eobard brainwashed into it.

One thing I always found fascinating about evil Rip is that, for all that he lacks Rip’s compassion, empathy and love, he didn’t go the usual scenery chewing sadist route.  He’s a monster, of course.  He was perfectly happy to murder Sara, to carve the spear piece out of McNider, and brainwash the entire knights of Camelot.  But it was always a measured sort of evil.

Evil Rip had a goal, and evil Rip pursued his goal.  And if he could get what he wanted in a relatively non-disruptive and non-violent way, he was willing to try it.  He had no interest in terrorizing the Waverider crew once he had the spear piece from them, even when he saw that Sara had survived her murder.  He tried to trick McNider, only resorting to violence when McNider saw through it.  When he had control of the knights, he just had them stand there, much to Darhk’s boredom, rather than playacting some farce for his amusement as some of the others might have done.

Evil Rip was our chance to appreciate how truly formidable Rip could actually be, and also appreciate those qualities that kept him from turning into that monster again.

My biggest disappointment in this story arc was how little we got to see Rip interact with the other members of the Legion.  His interactions with Eobard and Darhk, in what little we had, were very entertaining.  But we never saw him interact with Malcolm at all (I admit to being intrigued by this, because I thought Malcolm had actually had the most interesting dynamic with Phil in Legion of Doom), and we never saw Eobard react to his capture.  Missed opportunities or food for fanfic?

I don’t know if Doomworld Rip really counts, but I have to admit that, compared to some of Rip’s other coping mechanisms, baking cakes to deal with a year of solitary confinement (Gideon sort of counts, but she’s just a voice at this point), is pretty good for him.  I hope he actually got a chance to eat them.

The idea behind Rip at the Time Bureau really was a good one.  The idea that Rip would have created this organization, but specifically designed it to be the antithesis of the Time Masters: open, transparent, and accountable, is a good one.  But unfortunately, season 3 never really explored that to the extent I would have liked.  

It’s hard to imagine the Rip who recruited Sara before she could die with her sister to Damien Darhk would be okay with leaving Zari in a prison without a very good reason.  But we never got that reason.  Of course, maybe he wasn’t.  He wasn’t in that episode.  We know from Ava that he didn’t want her chasing the Legends, and wanted them given “lenience”.  But if he’s not on board with that, how much of the Time Bureau is actually under his control?

Considering that Return of the Mack told us that Rip allowing Darhk to be resurrected in order to confront him with agents was a “sanctioned” plan (that Rip still ends up in prison for, because Rip is just that good with people), that implies a certain level of oversight.  His and Bennett’s dynamic seemed just shy of outright antagonistic.  And certainly Rip seemed a lot more blase about seeing Bennett meet a grisly end than seems warranted.  This is a man who dismantled the team after Leonard Snart died.

I mean, trying to work out coherent characterization for ANYONE in season 3 is a bit of a problem, but I feel like if the Time Bureau had gotten the same level of focus that it gets much later, perhaps some of these things could actually work.  If, for example, there are multiple factions within the Bureau with their own ideas on what the Bureau is supposed to do, (perhaps tied with the oversight that Rip specifically put in place, because there’s nothing more Rip Hunter than getting hoisted up by his own petard), then a lot of the more confused behavior by the organization could make more sense.

In the end though, Rip is still a secretive, scheming bastard who cares very deeply for his team, and I wouldn't give up that wonderful, almost baggage free friendship with Wally for anything. So it does have its good points.

Ultimately, I think that all of these facets make Rip one of the most well-developed and defined characters in the CW-verse, even when compared with others who have had years and years of screentime.  It’s fun to poke around and explore all of these layers and see how they fit.  And it definitely is food for some great fanfic.  I’m told some other Rip fans will be writing some great fic for #RipWeek.  You should go check them out!

[cherrygorilla]

Time for me to be nosy as heck for the fanfic author thing! Hope you don't mind if I ask a lot like you did to me! Here you are: 4, 5, 6, 7, 14, 17, 20, 21, 22, 24, 25, 27, 29, 30, 31, 33, 34, 35, 37, 40 A bunch are the same ones you asked me, but I'm really curious as to what your answers would be. If there's anything you'd like to answer that I didn't ask you, then feel free to add it on if you feel up to it! 💖

Okay, I'm known to ramble at the best of times but I really ran away with myself here. You may want to grab a snack or something first; it's hella long. You've been warned! 

4. What made you start writing fanfiction? 

When I was like 11/12 I was obsessed with the musical Starlight Express and after trying to google just about everything I could about it I think I stumbled across some fanfiction for it. Well, instantly my little english-class-loving brain grabbed this concept and ran with it. I remember writing my own stories in this cheap little notebook I would hide in my bedside table drawer and it was around this time that TBM came out, so naturally I decided to see if that had any fanfiction too. Turns out it did, and significantly more than Starlight Express might I add, so my creativity ran away with itself and next thing I knew I was setting up my own account and getting properly involved this time. And I guess, as they say, the rest is history... 

5. Favourite pairing? 

This is pretty tricky for me. Most of the pairings that I have set up are littered with little flaws and things that make them more interesting to write about (and hopefully read about lol) and more realistic. And the already established pairings that I use (i.e. Mack & Brady in old stories or Lela & Tanner) just feel too bland for me to really connect with them, which is probably why I always struggle so much to write for them. I suppose Lela & Tanner can be cute, or at least their potential is; I don't feel like the movies did them justice lol. But for my stuff, at the moment I just feel so out of practice with writing and at such an early stage in the story with Wheels and Waves that I'm not really attached to any of the pairings yet. And besides, the only one I've really established so far is Butchy & Giggles, but if you've read my last chapter then you'll know that that's not exactly doing so hot atm. So, since I can pick holes and find flaws in everyone's relationships too much to pick a favourite, I think I'll pick one I'm excited about that has some of the biggest flaws imaginable: Coral & Hyde. And that's all I'm going to say. Unless you're curious, then ask away lmao. 

6. Least favourite pairing? 

Okay, I may be a bit controversial here- Actually, this is probably really controversial judging by some of the reviews on my old stories that I was just reading. But I don't really like Mack & Brady… Hear me out! Maybe it's just because I haven't watched the movies for ages and I haven't been thinking about them writing-wise since I abandoned my old stuff but they just seem really bland to me. Don't get me wrong, they're super sweet, but I like giving my characters a bit of grit to work with and make them a little more interesting beneath their 'perfect movie character in an idyllic world' surface and I just could never seem to do that with Mack & Brady. I could never manage to give them any depth and because of that I feel like I just grew to resent them haha. Other people can write for them much better than I can, let's just put it that way. Apart from them though, non-canon-wise in my stories it's got to be Butchy & Coral. Hands down. Honestly, what was I thinking? It was cringey. It was basic. And I think because of it Coral became super one-dimensional and kept losing her way as a character because my whole focus was trying to get them to work as a couple. Spoiler alert: they don't. And since I ditched them I think I was really able to get her to come into her own and develop a much more interesting, albeit worse, side of her.

7. Favourite type of au? 

This is probably going to be a quick one because I don't do a lot of au stuff but modern day/high school aus are always a lot of fun. I feel like TBM2 could have done so much cool stuff with that premise but then they went and dumbed down all the characters and really ruined their chance but I think the concept in general is so cute. I'm actually working on something in this vein for my sims blog, but that's not what we're talking about so let's move on. 

14. Do the people in your life know you write fic? How do they feel about it?

 Nope. I haven't ever mentioned it to my family because I just don't think that they'd 'get' it. I think I mentioned it to one of my best friends ages ago because she also read/casually wrote fanfics but I don't think that she still knows that I've kept it up; she probably just assumes that it was something we both just did when we were 13/14. So they don't really think anything of it; they don't know and probably never will lol. So I just struggle over chapters and ideas and things by myself. 

17. What's the harshest criticism you've ever gotten on a fic? 

To be honest, I don't think that I've ever really had any super harsh criticism. None that I can remember, anyway. I was reading through the reviews on one story recently and someone told me that I should work on my dialogue for Mack & Brady because it wasn't true enough to their characters and tbh they probably weren't wrong. That's barely criticism but it was the closest that I could find to it in my five minutes of looking and nothing else stood out in my memory so I guess that's what I'll go with. I know that probably sounds super cocky like "omg i'm amazing i never get any criticism from anyone because i'm amazingggg!!!1!!" but honestly all the reviews on my old stuff were just people being nice to me because I was friendly to them and I get next to no reviews on my current stuff, so there's no real opportunity for criticism if there's no interaction in the first place lmao. 

20. What's your biggest struggle when it comes to writing fic? 

Actually finding the time to write it when I have uni work, family life, stuff with friends and a somewhat healthy sleep schedule to balance as well. I just don't have enough hours in a day. Besides that, when it actually comes to writing I guess I find it hard to stick solely to ideas that progress the plot. I've been trying to work on that a lot more lately and be more ruthless with my planning but sometimes I just get inspired by something fun and in sheer creative desperation I just wedge it into the plot somewhere. And I think that for the reader's sake I need to stop doing this. 

21. Your biggest strength? 

I don't know if this is what anyone else would consider my biggest strength but I personally really like the way that I can develop the characters beyond what little personality we get to see in the movies. I love working on their story arcs and experimenting with how they 'exist' in my head, like finding out who the quiet souls are, who the loud mouths are and why they act like that. From the snippets we actually see of them in the movies and how basic they are, I'm pretty proud of the characters I've rounded them into in my stories; they feel a lot more real now, to me at least. 

22. Which do you do more: read fic or write fic? 

I know it's hard to believe, but probably write. I only really keep up with a handful of stories now and I always find I'm more actively thinking about kicking my butt into gear and writing something myself instead of setting out to read someone else's stuff. 

24. What's your process? 

Daydream and plan out future plot lines for most of the waking hours of the day. Find the fleeting shred of time available in said day to sit down and work on something if both inspiration and motivation are working in my favour. Actually sit down and open up a google doc, perhaps with a cup of tea if I'm feeling particularly adventurous and fancy treating myself for doing something productive. Painfully struggle through the first ten minutes of warming up my writing muscles and getting my creative juices flowing again. Settle into a good rhythm and just let my fingers and the words work their magic until something boring from the real world interrupts me and drags me away from my fictional one. Then repeat. 

25. Of all the fics you've written, which is your favourite? 

I know it's not necessarily a single fic but I really liked when I was writing the one-shots for Surf, Sun, Sand because I knew that I was writing the things people wanted to read, so I knew there was more of a chance that they'd enjoy them. And it was nice not being constrained to one timeline, I could jump around and play with different pairings, ideas and settings as much as I, well, the requests, wanted. I also really liked my Twelve Days of Cruisin' for a Bruisin' Christmas story, but I can't put that at the top spot because I'm so frustrated that I never got that final chapter up. It was really fun to write though and that's one of the few things that I've written that I'm still happy with to this day lmao. I just think it's sweet and I like how I wrote all the characters, so I'd say that's a win for me. 

27. What's your most popular fic? Do you think the popularity is warranted, or is there another fic that you think deserves it more? 

Statistics-wise it's Paper Flowers, by a long-shot. 77,485 views and 331 reviews. Now, I think that the fact that there are about a million chapters and I wrote it back when the fandom was thriving has quite a lot to do with that, if not all of it, because I'm almost certain that it can't be the writing, character quality or whatever crap I threw into the plot back then. But for nostalgia's sake, I'll allow it. And to be fair, it was probably alright at the time. I do think, however, that I've developed and improved my writing style over the years, so it would be nice if Wheels and Waves could get a little more popularity (since it's something I'm actually semi-proud of lol). But I just don't have the audience, so what can you do? 

29. Which of your fics was the hardest to write? 

Just Like Me. By a country mile. Like I mentioned earlier, I really struggle when it comes to writing for Mack & Brady and although I liked the concept (and a few other people did too) I just wasn't ever happy with what I ended up with. The chapters felt boring (which probably had something to do with the fact that I wrote them in my phone notes at 11:30pm), their relationship felt bland and the plot felt like it was going nowhere. I sort of had a vague structure of where I wanted to take it, but when I couldn't seem to get the hang of writing for them every chapter felt like such a challenge. 

30. Favourite fic writers? 

You, girl! I literally don't even bother to keep up with anyone else anymore because I just don't have the time (uni will do that to a bitch, lol) but I never miss a post of yours and will frequently go and re-read your stuff (especially if it's in preparation for a crossover lmao) if I need a pick-me-up. And like you said, we're practically family now and what kind of internet sister would I be if I didn't support my fam?! 

31. Do you write just for fun, or would you ever consider pursuing writing? 

I don't think I'd ever actually pursue it as a job. I'm in dentistry school atm so I'm pretty set on becoming a dentist, but even if that wasn't the case, I don't think I have the creativity to create my own unique story with original characters and a whole universe under my control. I just think it's fun to expand on other ideas and grow my own ideas from them. 

33. Fanfiction pet peeves? 

Bad grammar is really frustrating. But I also just think it's really boring when people will basically re-write the whole movie/story pretty much word-for-word with only the slightest of alterations. Like, I've already watched/read this once, why would I want to do it again? I came here for creativity and fun stories with my fave characters, not the flat-out plot all over again with a cookie-cutter, paper doll inserted into the mix to steal a few lines. It just bored me. 

34. First person, second person or third person? 

I'd probably put second person last because I just find reader-insert things weird and cringey. Like they legit make me feel uncomfortable sometimes. And then I'd go with first person because although I don't really have a problem with it, it's just never a style I'd choose to write in; I just can't really get the hang of it and I prefer to be able to see and show everyone's perspective on a situation from the outside, which is why good old third person has to be my favourite. 

35. OCs, reader inserts or canon pairings?

 Like I said, reader inserts creep me out a bit so definitely not those. Canon pairings are a pretty safe bet and can be cute most of the time (I just personally seem to struggle with them lol) and if they're done well (i.e. not basic bitches with no personality that just double as weird reader inserts *cough cough* Coral in Paper Flowers smh 12 year old me) then I think OCs can be really fun and can add another layer to fanfics that takes them beyond the bubble of what's canon. 

37. Which character is your favourite to write for? 

Saying Coral would be too easy because she's literally my own character, so of course I'm going to enjoy writing for her. So, other than that I'm going to have to say Seacat. I feel much more comfortable writing for the surfers than the bikers anyway, so that definitely plays into it. But I really like the version of him I've created. I really leaned into his sort of fiesty, stubborn side that occasionally showed itself in the movies, which created a super interesting dynamic with his inherent relaxed nature that all the surfers have. He's a really fun character to work with and I've got lots of fun things planned for him, so I think he's earned that top spot. But I'll mention Giggles too because it's been fun developing her character more deeply for Wheels and Waves. I just like a bit more drama, which Seacat can deliver more than my sweet bby G. 

40. Imagine yourself 10 years in the future, do you still think you'll be writing fic? 

Honestly, who knows? Back when I started I never thought I'd still be writing it at 18, so never say never, I guess. 

And since you said I could choose another one, I'll go for 38. From where do you draw inspiration? 

I wanted to include this one because I'm literally listening to my Wheels and Waves playlist as I write this to try to get me into that #writingmood. A few different things influence me but music has always been my biggest inspiration. I'm constantly adding new songs to my playlist and finding songs I want to use so badly that I'll rearrange and shift around plot points to work them into the story. For example, that Coral & Hyde relationship I mentioned earlier? Grown entirely from songs. But yeah, I'm always getting inspired by songs, which is why I'm really trying to get a general plan of Wheels and Waves set in stone so that I'll stop being tempted to switch things around and ruin the plot with convoluted ideas I get on a whim because I heard a fun song. On another note though, if you have any song suggestions then hit me up lmao; I'm always looking for more haha.

[zenosanalytic]

4/20/19 HSE 8

Ok back at it

MEAT 15

Cool Fight; Not terribly surprising.

MEAT 16

Dirk’s as much Rose’s father as Rose is his Mother. I guess maybe it’s more convenient, psychologically, to choose a causative direction and stick with it, rather than accept the Mobial nature of their genesis, but for some reason it bugs me this keeps getting overlooked.

Dirk’s over here talking about how right he is all the time and I dont think he was ever right about anything even once in canon(aside from certain aspects of his talk with Dave, and choosing not to kill Hal) XD The only “plan” of his to work was the one re: entering the Session, and 1)he outsourced it to Hal and 2)it only worked because he managed to improvise his way through every aspect of it failing to go the way he thought it would, and even that probably had more to do with their entry being part of HiC’s plan to use them, so she wasn’t trying to wipe them.

Another Thing: I dont think the Ascent Differential is Aspect so much as Personality.

Another Another Thing: That Rose, when discussing her life-long fear of knowledge as a corrupting and ruining outside force(this being a person who always felt her mother wasn’t her mother, in some sense, and responded to that fear by rejecting emotional intimacy with said mother), doesnt see the connection between that life-long fear and her fear that Ascending will be bad, damaging, and corrupting, is Notable. Perspective continues to be important, and lack of self-awareness continues to hamstring ppl in this narrative.

MEAT 17

I feel like this new narrative belligerence on Dirk’s part isn’t going to work out too well for him with a person as aware and recalcitrant to narrative meddling as John. It’s going to be John and WV all over again. This is also a wonderful example of how personal flaw and specificity isn’t solved by Godhood in HS, and can really trip you up; basically all of this, including the “impotence” applies to Dirk, too, when others disagree with the direction he’s trying to push them in, and this whole rant may be meant, ironically, as an example of dramatic irony: basically, that Dirk’s rant about total control and knowledge reveals the limits of his knowledge and will be followed by examples of how limited his control is, which he can’t be aware of, but which the “impotent” audience will.

MEAT 18

...And, almost immediately, John’s objecting to the narration and doing things before Dirk “writes” him doing them(the sigh).

MEAT 19

“So yeah, I’m gonna allow it” Notice how he asserts power over situations he does not, in fact, have power over.

Which is kind of an interesting dynamic to bring up in the context of authorship? I mean: in the realm of nonfictional works an author can’t “make” things happen, only alter for their audience what DID happen. In some respect this is being written as equivalent to that dynamic; the simple admission in M17 that Dirk is misrepresenting events also admits those events happened another way than he’d prefer, meaning it’s also an admission of his lack of power over actual events. And, of course, all the other things I’ve been talking about, and the fact that everyone’s “character” is rooted in natures established in the original work. But in a fictional work an author’s creative power is absolute, and this is a fictional work; though I suppose a derivative or transformational one, which accounts for the shortfall. Another interesting aspect of this is that the “Author” is presented as a Narrator; Narrators merely describe what happened, they don’t create it. I was going somewhere more concrete with this but it popped out of my head >:T >:T

Ok so other aspects of this: I agree that Jane’s been established as a pretty ambitious person, but she was also always a pretty moral person and the way she’s going about this so far doesn’t seem to be in keeping with that part of herself. And also: she literally wants to create shortages, and thus the suffering shortages will cause, for... what? Nostalgia? Because she think she can run Capitalism better than the adults from before all this?? Because Hierarchy is Neat??? Seems like a whole handful of really petty, selfish, and juvenile reasons to me. Also one guaranteed to cause social conflict; I doubt a civ that’s never known material want is going to react too well to sudden starvation and financially-manufactured forced-labor(which, lbr, is what most work in our world is).

Obvsl, as a snake and member of the storied gens Atheris, I agree with Roxy&Calli that patriarchal human concepts of gender are not the end-all-be-all of identity, but what really jumps out to me here is Roxy’s description of the nature of their love for, and previous sexual interest in, Dirk which I find really True. Like: the sentiment of wanting to see children of a person because you really like that person and think they should continue, or of thinking having the kids you might have with another person would be pretty interesting. Also that loneliness is a hell of a drug 8T

I’m trying to figure out why this conversation would be circumstantially simultaneous with The Furthest Ring being “destroyed”, but I got Nothing :T :T :T

MEAT 20

So yeah, Jade’s merging with her Alt!Selves, not too surprising since it was heavily foreshadowed in Endgame.

Given that Sessions are located IN the Furthest Ring, and Sessions MAKE new multiverses, I find it being made out of “negative potential. The absence of a future” pretty ironic :p I wonder if the tentacle hair bit is a nod towards the Horror-Terrors, and theories about them being Players? Rose and Dirk’s view of Ascension would seem to suggest HTs might be SUCCESSFUL players who eventually abandoned their universes out of fear of the damage they’d do misusing their godhood(as it doesnt solve your personal problems), rather than the old HC of them being failed Players.

MEAT 21

My theory about “The Economy” being code for sex doesn’t stop feeling ever more confirmed by this narrative :|

Dirk’s anger at the idea of anyone not thinking he’s right about everything is Palpable on this page. Also I’d just like to note that This:

Is being said by a person currently in the middle of metaphysically manipulating a friends towards her worst impulses(and also potentially some amounts of self-hatred, give her thoughts re: femininity) for the sake of establishing a dictatorship through which she, as his agency-dimmed puppet, will enforce his personal politico-philosophical preferences regardless of what anyone else thinks and he’s saying it about people who just said This:

which is to say: a bunch of political pluralists who are NOT seeking to impose their morality on anyone but rather to establish a system where EVERYONE can SHARE their moral understanding of policy issues and come to a consensus decision on them, within the context of a political society DEFINED by the equality of all as political actors. There’s just so much that’s wrong, weak, and easily dismissable about Dirk’s argument here. Not to mention his obvs, undisguised, physical disgust for trolls >:T

And he’s doing all this Purely because, given his fixation on “Winning”, he wants to Win. Like: he’s not actually even pursuing what he considered good policy; he is, literally, doing this all for Pure Ego, which he has the gall(and lack of self-awareness) to accuse others of acting from. And this self-deluding buffoon is a person who believes himself “Ascended” and therefore possessed of a “higher” and “clearer” perspective on matters above their “petty” concerns about, oh non-humans being allowed to live as they like, or practice any political agency at all, and all ppls being spared unnecessary and pointless suffering due to entirely manufactured shortages. So much (real, actual)Irony, of so many types, in all of this, all at once.

An aside: I am really liking the political-mindedness of these Epilogues so far; really playing to my Interests uwu

The bit about Hybrid babs and shipnames is funny, and it doesn’t read like a shot at the fandom to me at all; it’s more a joke at Dave’s expense given the obvs distress Kanaya’s in and his inability to stop making the situation more awkward(itself prob the result of Bro’s neglect/abuse)

Oh hey look: it’s Dirk the “Omniscient” being distracted, caught unawares and off-guard by the actions of others, unable to handle the role&work he’s chosen for himself(ie “out of his depth”), unable to split his attention between even just two conscious ppl at once, and not knowing what others are thinking. Given this and his handling of Jade’s thoughts in the last section, I kinda feel like it’s less he can actually sense the thoughts of others, and more that he gets some kind of inkling or hunch, or maybe that’s it’s purely just him guessing(that’d fit real well with his comments on Roxy being “inscrutable” to him), or even just having an awareness of the plot he is narrating(and thinks he’s writing). Of course it could also be some kind of Heart thing; not really even access to their thoughts at all, but a sort of awareness of their Agency? Like: Heart is The Self and The Self is expressed through Agency, so he has, in some way, developed an awareness of “Self-Action”, which is to say, Agency? Kinda like how Dave “feels” Time and Jade “feels” Space and Rose “feels” Relevance. Which, just as an asnide, would be something super-basic powers-dev wise, since Dave started having a sense of Time way back in the early Acts, long before godhood. Though I can see how Dirk developing an awareness of OTHERS intentions(and feelings, potentially, given Heart’s other associations) would seem like a big step for him, given how self-absorbed he is.

Ok that’s it for this one I think. I know I’m not being terribly kind to Dirk in all this but, tbf, he’s being kind of a huge snide Dick in basically every respect, and I also don’t have a lot of Chill in me when it comes to 1)arrogant people or 2)manipulators (:T

[novahawk9]

Balance Theory: Redemption

This is crazy, but I need to get it off my chest. 

There is WAY too much antagonism between the OT fan’s who want Kylo dead ASAP and the Kylo apologists who think everything is Han and Leia’s fault.

So.

This is my take on why Han, Luke, and, Leia are likely not the least bit responsible for Kylo Ren, and about the possibility of Ben’s redemption. If you don’t like both of those ideas then this post is not for you.

Some of you already know, or have been kind enough to help with a theory I am working on. There was a piece of it I didn’t know how to address. 

There are toxic Kylo apologists, who blame Han & Leia and Luke for Kylo’s evil deeds. I don’t want to give excuses to folks who already use non-cannon bits and promotional quotes like they are facts. Especially when those things are designed to point the fandom in the wrong direction so that Disney can shock us later with something else. 

At the same time many Han, Leia, and Luke fans still hate Kylo pretty strongly, as we’re left to assume that Kylo killed Han. 

My theory speculates that Han is not dead, and that Rey is the actual chosen one, who has no father. Poe has Han’s role as the ace pilot, and Leia’s background, from a family that supported the rebellion. Finn has Leia’s role, the imperial insider trying to do right (trapped in a prison numbered 2187), and Han’s background, with no family or even a name of his own. Rey has Luke’s role, as the last hope, and Anakin’s background, the chosen one, of the light this time who will balance out Anakin’s Darkness. Kylo Ren has Anakin’s Role, as the troubled student who will fail to live up to his Master’s (Snoke) hopes. Ben Solo has Luke’s background, living with his Uncle before the call to action, frequently failing his way through the story, and falsely believing his father is dead.

Link to rest of (very long theory) ---> https://tmblr.co/Z_hTZq2Fh7hlU

This would mean that Kylo isn’t completely doomed, and could get a chance to go out like Vader, helping kill Snoke and saving Rey’s life or something.

But there is another possibility for redemption I want to talk about.

>AGAIN< .THIS. .IS. .WILD. .SPECULATION.

(That dares to treat Star Wars like it's Star Wars.)

Okay.

It seemed weird to me that Han and Leia give the same version of Kylo’s betrayal of Luke, even though neither of them has been able to find Luke and talk to him, or even each other.

There was also a suspiciously missing parallel. In the OT we are told that Anakin Skywalker was a good guy, but he turns out to be the primary antagonist himself. There is a similar revelation as Anakin becomes Vader in RotS, and that Palpatine is in fact, the Sith Lord. It simply wasn’t a surprise to us, like it was to the characters of the PT.

When the massacre at the temple happened, Luke Skywalker disappeared. The Jedi Master who surrendered himself to Darth Vader and the Emperor aboard the second Death Star, abandoned the galaxy went into hiding? This is something that many OT fans have taken issue with, but I suspect there MIGHT be an understandable reason.

We know very little about what happened at Luke’s temple. Only Han and Leia’s summary of what happened. That account is not first hand, it’s not even second hand. They were not there, and have not spoken to either of the two people to survive, and R2 has been in his self-induced coma.

What if we’ve been misled? What if the shocking revelation of this trilogy is that one of the Bad Guys isn’t as completely evil as we’ve been lead to believe? Instead of the old hat repetition of one of the heroic figures actually being a bad guy?

Luke survived the slaughter at the temple. The clip from the vision and trailer show both him and R2-D2 surrounded in smoke and fire. To me, it seems to imply to me that Luke is seeing the scene for the first time. Could that be something he was not present for? Luke Skywalker is a Jedi Master, one who could have defeated just about anyone, including Ben Solo. Luke chooses not to kill Vader in RotJ, AFTER defeating the ‘chosen one’ himself. Becoming the first person since Count Dooku to do so. 

Bloodline implies that Luke and Ben are frequently traveling through the unknown regions. Looking for new Jedi and the fragments of Jedi History. Leia doesn’t know exactly where they are, and that’s not exactly surprising to her. 

We also know from promotional material, that Snoke targeted Ben, but we don’t know many of the details.

I’ve speculated elsewhere in the theory that the Knights of Ren are not Kylo’s knights. That the name ‘Ren’ functions like Darth did for Palpatine and the Sith. We were told that Snoke forbids the use of Ben Solo’s name, and gave him the new one.

Kylo himself also gives us some interesting information. He calls Ben Solo weak, foolish and ‘like his father.’ What could possibly have happened that made Ben seem weak to Kylo? What did he do that Kylo find’s so foolish? 

Han shows up at the last second to save Luke from the Death Star. Han shows up at the last second to save Leia in the Hoth evacuation.  What could Ben have done that was ANYTHING like Han? And how did that go so completely wrong?

There are several parallels between Ben and Luke, and I think this is another. 

When Luke’s is training with Yoda his dark visions and impulsive temper lead him to abandon his training to go help his friends. Vader used Han and Leia, and their pain to draw Luke out from hiding on Dagobah, and away from finishing his training. 

Snoke targeted Ben.

What if Snoke had his knights of Ren attack the Temple, while Luke and Ben were not there. What if he targeted and tricked Ben into thinking he could save his friends and fellow students? What if the knights of Ren were sent to destroy the temple so that they could capture Ben Solo?

The knights of Ren were not related to Ben Solo. They had none of the familial connections that allow Luke to escape Vader, and Ben would have no friends or family left nearby if the Knights of Ren had already slaughtered those at the temple.

Failing to save his friends and fellows would leave Ben Solo feeling both weak and foolish, after trying to save his friends.After trying to save the day like all the stories of his father.

Luke may not know for sure, but arriving afterward he would have an idea of what might happened. He has known Ben a long time. He would have a number of heavy emotions to deal with and plenty of doubts either way. 

The galactic political situation is another question, and what about Han and Leia? I’m going to guess that Leia was spending a fair amount of time founding the resistance. Han was likely helping supply and fund said resistance, but I imagine they were not at the same place when news about Kylo Ren broke. 

Because that news would not have at the same time as the destruction of the temple. Again, during his fall, Snoke forbid the use of Ben Solo’s name and gave him the new one. Jedi Master Luke Skywalker could sense that there was still good in his father. He would have seen that depth of darkness in Ben. This would mean that Kylo Ren was not one of the knights of Ren that attacked the temple. He would have had to have already spent a great deal of time with Snoke and then not have that darkness noticed by the galaxies greatest Jedi master. I do not believe that is possible.

Ben would have had nowhere to go if he killed those at the temple. He also would have had nowhere to go if the entire galaxy THINKS he slaughtered the Jedi. 

They essentially kicked Leia out of the senate for not disclosing that she was Vader's child, and Leia never really trained in the Jedi arts. Ben is Vader's grandchild, who is not just strong but trained in the force. Snoke could use his imperial loyalists in the senate to further condemn Ben, but also Han and Leia and Luke. 

Ben didn't feel abandoned by his busy parents growing up. Kylo was born out of the frustration, and rage AT Snoke and the knights of Ren. So Snoke blames Han and Leia for abandoning Ben when Snoke had kidnapped him. Afterall Han, Leia, and Luke are legendary hero's who freed the whole galaxy from the empire. Why couldn't they just take the time to free Ben? Snoke tells Ben that it was because they don't want him. Eventually, Kylo believes him.

Which is why we find them in such different places at the beginning of TFA. They each feel responsible is small ways. They each see things that they could have done better. Without knowing the whole picture.

Luke would be conflicted about what to do, especially if he knows who Snoke is. But I also wonder if he might have finally found that mythical prophecy we hear so much about in the PT. They implied that’s what he was out looking for it.

What if he realized that Anakin wasn't the chosen one? And that he could not defeat Snoke and save Ben without the help of said chosen one?

Balance Theory assumes that Han Solo is not dead. Most OT folks weren't too big on Kylo's redemption even if Han wasn't dead. I’d like to know if this would make enough sense, and be enough for Kylo's redemption arc? Would it be enough for OT fans? as well as the ST fans? 

It would mean that the crimes Kylo still needs to atone for are primarily against our heroes. Seeing the light and helping destroy Snoke, and save Rey, Finn, and Poe, in addition to his family, would be significant steps in the right direction. Would that be enough to redeem Ben Solo?

What do you guys think? I'll take any kind of feedback I can get. I know it's crazy. But it's also Star Wars.

Thanks.

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Writing Commission - A Gift of Sunshine - Chapter 8

Whew! My apologies for taking so long, but here we are with the final two chapters of this work! Thank you all for enjoying this story so much!

Happy New Year's Eve and let's have a great year!

Summary: It is the worst day of fifteen-year-old Aizawa Shouta’s life when he trudges home after a failed entrance test to U.A. – the school made for heroes. His worst day abruptly turns strange, however, when he gets home to find a beautiful sword on his bed with a scroll attached that is addressed from his grandfather.

It turns out that his entire family was descended from a samurai (unsurprising considering he lived in Japan) and the sword was meant to help him become a hero. Shouta hadn’t been expecting the sword to talk, however, and he especially hadn’t expected the sword to have a voice as warm as sunshine itself.

It’s a long journey to become a hero like he wants, but Shouta has a feeling that he and Hizashi are going to do just fine.

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Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia    

Relationship: Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic/Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead

Characters: Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead

Rating: Teen Audiences

Word Count (Total): 35,935  

Transaction Amount: $250 (USD)

                                                   ⁂

          Check out my writing commission information here!                 Pledge to my Patreon to get exclusive content!

                        Read and follow the story on AO3!

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                                       Chapter Eight

                                                 ⁂

Cute, Hizashi decided, was the only word to describe the scrunched up expression of one Shinsou Hitoshi as he stared down at Hizashi’s sword, propped up against the wall of the empty gym they were in that was closer to the outskirts of the U.A. grounds. It was even cuter when the kid pouted before crossing his arms and muttering a soft, “There’s no way a sword possessed by a ghost is real.” 

“Oh, yeah, it sounds completely ridiculous,” Hizashi agreed, having fun in the fact that Shinsou couldn’t hear him as he had found out when Shouta had first begun training him. It was interesting, though, since the other, with his mental quirk, was able to feel that he was there on some level. It led to some interesting mutters whenever Shouta left the room. 

“Ghosts don’t exist, but there’s definitely a Present Mic account,” Shinsou muttered to himself, even going so far as to pull his phone out and look up Hizashi’s hero account as if to make sure he hadn’t imagined it. It was enough that Hizashi couldn’t have stopped his laugh even if he tried. “Definitely not run by Eraserhead…” 

Peeking over Shinsou’s shoulder and looking at the messages that were on the screen, Hizashi gave a wild snort of laughter, “You know, kid, half of those jokes come from ‘Eraserhead.’ You can’t let the whole ‘stern teacher’ thing fool you. He’s actually a big softie with a wicked sense of humor.”

“It has to be some kind of possession quirk.” It was a little disheartening at how quiet the kid was when others could hear, but how talkative he was when he thought he was alone. He was as big a chatterbox as Hizashi from the few sessions he had seen with him where Shouta had to leave and go solve a problem with either their kids or their ‘friends.’

“You know, you should probably be working on your homework like Shouta said,” Hizashi half-scolded, taking a seat against the wall next to his sword and sliding down to sit on the ground as he watched Shinsou, thoughts turning to how they had first begun training the kid. 

Hizashi had mentioned Shinsou to Shouta by the time the Sports Festival had come around, Hizashi gleefully playing announcer by possessing Shouta and a few other teachers throughout the day, but it had been there that they had really noticed the kid. After all, someone shunted off into General Studies with a non physical quirk and a desperate need to prove he could be a hero? It was like looking fifteen years into the past and Shouta had felt exactly the same. 

Then again, Hizashi was also half-certain that Shinsou was his and Shouta’s child from another universe all things considered, but, well… maybe that was just Hizashi’s hopes getting ahead of him - far ahead of him, considering as far as Shinsou was concerned Hizashi didn’t even exist. Present Mic, maybe, but Hizashi? Not so much. 

Hizashi would have to introduce himself soon, which, he had been planning on doing that instead of Shinsou analyzing the sword in paranoia, but then Shouta had run off before the usual after class training session could begin. He had also dropped the sword against the wall and told Shinsou that Hizashi would watch him until he got back and, Hizashi was absolutely certain, delighted in Shinsou’s expression that had been equal parts baffled, insulted, and pitying. 

Honestly, Hizashi would have been much better watching Shinsou in Shouta’s place, who had run off to ‘stop Nemuri from ending all of their careers,’ if Shinsou actually believed he was there. Shouta had even told the kid all about their past and Hizashi being Present Mic and a cursed blade, but the kid had no intentions to believe in the story even if he could tell Hizashi was there - although, maybe that was why he had abandoned his homework to inspect the sword. 

An inspection that looked to be getting out of hand as Shinsou looked nervous, rambling and muttering under his breath before he was picking up the sword. Hizashi wasn’t overly worried considering the kid was way too careful of anything in connection with ‘Eraserhead,’ but he was interested to see what the kid would do next. 

Hizashi was actually feeling nostalgic at the confused little frown Shinsou had on, almost sure that Shouta had no doubt had the same expression when he had first picked up Hizashi’s sword all those years ago. “Hizashi, huh?” Shinsou’s quiet voice drew Hizashi out of his memories as much as it threw him back into them. “I guess it fits.” 

Hizashi couldn’t have helped the soft, helpless laugh he let slip even if he had tried, along with a quiet, “You really are like Shouta, huh?” The amusement quickly flashed to surprise, though, when he watched Shinsou yelp before tossing the sword a good fifteen feet away, scrambling back and staring down at it with wide, surprised eyes. Hizashi was sure the expression was mirrored on his own face because Shinsou had just heard him and, as far as he knew, Shinsou didn’t meditate or even know how - at least not in a way that would allow him to hear Hizashi. 

Shinsou’s surprise and shock lasted a moment more before Hizashi watched the kid pale and rush across the room, quickly picking up the sword with a quiet, weak, “I, uh… I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

The words were the same as they had been fifteen years ago and Hizashi felt utterly speechless because, really… their kid, indeed. “Hey, hey, it takes a lot more than that to hurt me,” Hizashi finally said, standing up out of habit and circling around to stand in front of Shinsou, even if he couldn’t yet see him. “You can really hear me, huh?” 

“I, uh, yes… sir.” Shinsou’s hesitant little ‘sir’ at the end was enough to have Hizashi bursting out laughing, trying to quiet himself as he saw Shinsou’s embarrassed flush. 

“Sorry, sorry, just not much one for the whole ‘sir’ or teacher thing - although I am technically a teacher employed with the school. Principal Nezu is a little crazy, he taught mine and Shouta’s homeroom class, you know, and has me on file, which, when you think about it, is kind of weird. Oh! Sorry, I’m kind of rambling, aren’t I? I’m Hizashi, or, well, I guess you might know me better as Present Mic. It’s nice to properly meet you, Shinsou!” 

Shinsou blinked, long and slow and so much like Shouta it was hilarious. “Uh… huh.” In his defense, Hizashi mused, that had been a lot of information he had thrown at the kid. “You’re… the one I kept feeling.” The words were flattened as if they started out as a question, Hizashi frowning to himself before he rememberd just how Shinsou’s quirk worked. 

“That would be me! Your quirk is actually pretty amazing, you know! It’s one of the only ones I’ve seen that’s been able to sense me when I show up, although I don’t think it could do anything beyond that. It’s a long story and an even longer explanation, but you wouldn’t be able to use your quirk on me.” 

Just as he suspected, Hizashi watched with a sad smile as tension seemed to drain out of Shinsou in a flash, a mix of gratitude and relief in his eyes as his grip tightened on the sword. Hizashi didn’t even want to begin to imagine what had happened to make someone so afraid of their quirk. 

“I guess that makes sense. So Aizawa-sensei really wasn’t lying about everything, huh?” Shinsou shook his head, looking down at the sword and then seeming to frown as he looked up and around the room. “Should… Should I be able to see you, right now?”

Hizashi gave a loud laugh, shaking his head by habit, “I’d be a lot more concerned if you could, herolet!” The nickname, tacked on at the end, had Shinsou giving a wrinkle of his nose that was adorable. “Typically, no one can hear me unless I’m possessing them or unless they’re touching that sword there after frequently meditating - although the Aizawas were always a little different…” 

As far back as Adachi every Aizawa he had fought with had been able to hear him immediately after touching his sword for the first time. Meditating had been common when learning to use swords, though, and it was really only Shouta who had been able to hear him with no meditation practice; probably that ‘logical’ mind of his, Hizashi thought to himself. 

A look back to Shinsou showed an odd, almost wistful look on his face, Hizashi thinking over what he had last said before he smiled to himself and tucked the words away to discuss with Shouta later. “So!” Hizashi cheerfully chirped, biting back a laugh as Shinsou startled. “We’ll say it might just be your quirk that lets you hear me for now, but we’ll look into it later. For now, any questions?” 

It was a delight that Shinsou only hesitated for a moment before asking question after question, Hizashi doing his best to answer them all as well as he could, just finishing up explaining how cursed blades worked when Shouta walked in with a raised eyebrow, looking between the two of them before grinning at Shinsou, “So, you finally met him, huh?” 

Shinsou looked a little embarrassed that he had been caught holding the sword, looking ready to drop it on instinct before seeming to remember what Hizashi had told him about needing to touch it in order to hear him. “Not sure if it can be called meeting when he’s been here every day since we started training.” Ah, such a sarcastic child. Hizashi loved it. 

Shouta seemed to think the same, giving a little smile that usually showed up when he was trying not to laugh, “Guess so. What do you think?” 

Shinsou blinked, staring at Shouta before looking down at the sword a single moment, gaze back on Shouta before he uttered a flat, “He talks a lot.” 

“Excuse you!” Hizashi scoffed, pushing to make his ‘offense’ as dramatic as he could, pleased when Shinsou gave a quiet huff of laughter in the same moment that Shouta did. Honestly, they might as well have been clones of each other. “I talk just the right amount, thank you very much!”

“Uh huh.” What a brat. It was much better than that quiet, fidgety behavior they had first seen from him. “Sensei, why didn’t you tell me that there was actually a spirit inside the sword.” The words were flattened again, a question without asking, and Hizashi tucked the information away even as Shouta shrugged. 

“I did tell you, you just chose not to believe me.” Which, that wasn’t wrong, but Shouta had also given a very lackluster explanation that had sounded fake by the end of it all. 

Shinsou blinked, blank for a moment before Hizashi saw a spark of wicked humor in his eyes, “It’s important to not contradict insane people, Sensei.” 

Screw alternate universes, Hizashi decided, this kid was definitely theirs. 

                                                            ⁂ 

Hizashi made a mental note to defend himself to everyone if they ever questioned him because when he had thought that Shinsou Hitoshi was definitely their child a few months ago, he hadn’t thought it would end up with them actually adopting the kid. Although, Hizashi was finding it hard to feel anything but a fierce protective glee at the fact that he and Shouta would be able to give Hitoshi the childhood he deserved instead of the horrible place he had been trapped in. Honestly, that ‘family’ had been lucky Shouta wouldn’t let Hizashi take over. 

“Are you sure that you both want to… I mean, I’ll be eighteen in a couple of years. It just doesn’t seem very logical to… You can just foster me until I age out.” Hitoshi, Hizashi had found, was even more nervous at the possibility of being adopted than either of them, looking between them as if not sure whether to believe it was all happening or desperately hoping it was all happening. “It’s not that big a deal.” 

It was Shouta to answer first, all possible brush offs or pointless reassurances brushed away as instead he gently set a hand on Hitoshi’s shoulder and encouraged him to look Shouta in the eye, uttering a soft, “It doesn’t have to be a ‘big deal,’ but that doesn’t mean we don’t want it to be.” 

“You’re supposed to be the one who doesn’t say things like that,” Hitoshi grumbled, the flush across the bridge of his nose absolutely adorable. “Leave the sappy things to Mic, Sensei.” 

“Aw, but where would the fun in that be?” Hizashi whined, appropriately dramatic as he wrapped Hitoshi up in a tight hug from behind, feeling himself soften as Hitoshi leaned into the touch. Hitoshi couldn’t quite feel his touch as solidly as Shouta could, but the fact the kid could still feel his touch and not need to hold the sword… definitely their kid. “C’mon, ‘Toshi, what’s with the self-sacrificing behavior. You know that’s Shouta’s job.”

There was a muttered swear from Shouta thrown his way that Hizashi gracefully ignored, instead frowning as he noticed that Hitoshi still seemed so nervous even after they had made it clear they wanted to adopt the kid. Shooting a look to Shouta, Hizashi tightened his arms around Hitoshi even as Shouta gave a small nod before sighing in annoyance, “I’m going to go check to see what’s taking so long.” 

“We’re early,” Hitoshi muttered at Shouta’s back, rolling his eyes and absolutely avoiding looking at Hizashi which proved there was something on his mind. “You two aren’t smooth. I know what you’re doing.”

“Oh?” Hizashi finally let go of Hitoshi, snorting when the kid immediately slumped on one of the benches of the courthouse hallway which was devoid of life beyond them and Shouta, who was lurking around the corner, no doubt. “And what are we doing, herolet?” 

“One of you leaves the room to ‘do something’ and the other prys into my mind to try and figure out ‘what’s wrong,’” Hitoshi grumbled, fixing Hizashi with a look that was so reminiscent of Shouta that it was almost overwhelming to resist the urge to hug the kid again. “Just for once can you believe that nothing is wrong?” 

“Well, we could,” Hizashi drawled out, gracefully flopping into the seat next to Hitoshi and giving him a little nudge. “But then we wouldn’t be very good dads if we ignored our kid when there was something on their mind, yeah?” 

Hizashi was gratified to see that Hitoshi looked flustered at his choice of words; which was good, because Hizashi was just as flustered because he was about to be a dad. A dad who had a kid who looked distressed, though, so Hizashi could get lost in his gleeful thoughts later. For now, he gave Hitoshi another nudge. 

There was a bout of stubborn silence, Hitoshi doing nothing except staring at a half-empty vending machine. The stubborn nature was almost cute enough that Hizashi dropped the matter - almost. 

“You know,” Hizashi hummed, leaning back and getting comfortable, or at least as comfortable as he could get on a wooden bench from the dawn of time, “You’re the only one outside of Shouta who can hear, see, and feel me without needing to touch the sword. Even Nem and Tensei, who we’ve known for years, still need to be touching the sword to feel me and they have to meditate just about every day or they go back to square one.” 

Hitoshi was quiet for a moment, no doubt picking apart his thoughts and trying to find the perfect words before answering with a soft, “I thought we agreed that was because of my quirk.” 

“Oh, no doubt that’s a part of it, yeah. You really do have an amazing quirk, Hitoshi, and the fact you were able to sense me the first time I saw you is incredible!” As he had hoped, Hitoshi seemed pleasantly flustered instead of uncomfortable like he used to be when his quirk was complimented. “But I have another explanation as to why you can do all that. Want to hear it?” 

“No.” Hitoshi went quiet, Hizashi waiting patiently with a wide grin before he saw the kid crack, sighing in annoyance as he glanced to Hizashi. “Fine. What’s your theory?” 

“My explanation is that while your quirk plays a huge part, maybe…” Hizashi trailed off for a moment, shifting closer and gently setting a hand on Hitoshi’s shoulder, waiting until the other was looking at him. “Maybe being Aizawa Hitoshi has something to do with it, too.”

There was a tense moment where Hizashi was almost sure he had crossed some sort of line before Hitoshi seemed to lose all of that tightly coiled tension he had been holding onto so desperately, body loose and relaxed as he slumped into Hizashi’s side with a soft, “You’re awful.”

“Oh, the absolute worst,” Hizashi agreed easily, wrapping Hitoshi up in a tight hug and delighted when he felt Hitoshi hug him back for a few moments. “And you were right, Shou-chan is hiding just around the corner.” 

“I know, I could tell he was there since he left,” Hitoshi snorted, Hizashi trying not to burst out laughing at the equally offended and proud noise he heard Shouta make further down the hall. 

“Ooh, family bonding already?” Feeling Hitoshi tense back up in his hold, Hizashi rolled his eyes as Nemuri joined them with a cheerful smile and deadly heels, dragging Shouta behind her - no doubt she had been coming up the hall and had seen Shouta lurking and grabbed him just because she could. “I’m offended I’m left out! I come all the way here to witness the adoption of my new nephew, after all, who I am going to spoil rotten, thank you very much, and I don’t even get a hug?” 

“Stop scaring my kid, Nemuri,” Shouta all but growled, Hizashi snickering to himself as he was used as a shield by Hitoshi, which, Hizashi supposed that was fair enough. Nemuri was a force unto herself, and, for the moment, still Hitoshi’s homeroom teacher. “Why are you late, anyway?”

Before Nemuri could answer, the sound of a door opening startled them all, a kindly old lady peeking out from an office and looking around before smiling at them, “You must be the Aizawas? Come on inside I have everything laid out.” 

“Late? Why, I think I’m exactly on time,” Nemuri preened, pushing Shouta into the room gleefully while Hizashi subtly helped Hitoshi into the room, guiding him with a hand on his back. 

“Just let us know if anything gets to be too much today, okay?” Hizashi kept his voice soft, smiling down at Hitoshi. “One of us will distract Nem while you run.” Perfect. Hitoshi’s laugh was much better to hear than any of that nervous tension. 

It didn’t take long for them all to get into their seats and start in on the paperwork, signing where they were supposed to, nodding along to whatever they were told, and making sure it was all in order as Nemuri even signed as a witness in a few places. Hizashi waited until Shouta was on the last page before he was hissing at Nemuri, getting her attention with a sharp grin, “Distract her, yeah?” 

Nemuri blinked at him before narrowing her eyes, grumbling a complaint before clearing her throat and turning to the lady who was overseeing the adoption with a soft, gentle, “Ma’am? I actually had a few questions about the fostering process if you think you’d be able to answer them?”

“Oh! Of course, dear!” As soon as the lady’s attention was elsewhere, Hizashi grinned and draped himself over Shouta’s back. 

Nuzzling at his cheek for a moment before following it up with a sweet kiss, Hizashi whispered a soft, “My turn.” A flash of Shouta’s smirk followed by his amusement and Hizsahi was stretching out their arms and hands a little, wrinkling their nose with a soft, “You need more sleep.”

Seeing Hitoshi giving them a suspicious, narrow-eyed look, Hizashi beamed and held up a finger to their lips, motioning for the kid to be quiet before flipping through the stack of paperwork and quickly co-signing his name of Aizawa Hizashi whenever it was needed. He would need to remember to thank Nezu, again, since now he could legally make Hitoshi his son, as well. 

Signing on the last line and settling back, Hizashi smiled at the lady as she turned around and spotted the neatly organized stack with a cheerful little, “Well! That’s that, then!” She turned to Hitoshi with a soft, “Congratulations, dear.” 

“Oh- Yeah- Thank you.” Hitoshi looked overwhelmed and lost, Hizashi standing up and gently nudging Hitoshi to do the same before they were ruffling the kid’s hair, tilting his head down so Hitoshi had a moment to try and compose himself without having to worry about others seeing. 

“Thank you so much for your time today, ma’am!” Ah, good old Nemuri, the perfect distraction. Letting her chatter on, Hizashi guided Hitoshi out of the room gently before he was back to standing between his two favorite guys, kissing Shouta quickly and fiercely before he was wrapping Hitoshi up in a tight hug, letting himself imagine that it felt just a little bit more real. 

The future, Hizashi decided from between his amazing son and his wonderful husband, was looking brighter than ever before.

[allthemxses]

The Day - [Faniction]

Summary:  Oneshot. It was THAT day. Brian regretted instantly stumbling across something utterly horrifying. He didn't want to comprehend it... Friendship!Stewie/Brian, torn apart. Please read and review! :) (bad at summaries)

Rated: T

Fandom: Family Guy

--

A test.

That’s all he had needed.

Something to prove it— That he couldn’t have carried it out the task of getting rid of his mother just yet. With vast access to advanced technology created by himself, he had run a dream simulator when he had been an infant, and the doubletask of murdering and world domination didn’t go well for him.

He had to wait—

A thing he could do if the end results would pay off.

The waiting ceased when he was about 6 years old— this very day.

Of course, she wouldn’t expect a damned thing, just had the knowledge that he had always been a bit quirky growing up by her side.

It would hurt—

No.

Tear up his best friend’s heart, the dog of the family, Brian, since the dog had always loved her— lusted after her. Of course, still respecting her marriage and all.

But the matricide had to be done.

It was a simple enough afternoon for the Griffin household. The birds were chirping outside, singing happily unknowing of the darkness later in the day. The sun was beaming, shining through some windows of the house, specifically into the living room. It also drifted slightly onto the TV, but mostly onto the sole occupant of the room, Brian.

He let out a deep sigh, as the movie played out before him on the TV. “This is even worse than the supposedly subtextual romance on the X-Files.”

CUTAWAY

There was a knock on the door of Scully’s apartment. She was still in her dress clothes from work. She went and opened the door, to see a fancily dressed Mulder who grinned at her.

“Scully.”

“Mulder?”

He cleared his throat, while he tried to cover his obvious boner. “Would you like to go on a non-date to a non-restaurant?”

She sighed. “No-yes.”

ENDCUTAWAY

It had been a boring day so far; it was barely anything to really do. Lois was busy doing some housework, while his friend, the 6 year old, was probably up in his room inventing another device of some sorts. …So he thought.

The dog had absolutely no idea that Lois was in danger—

If he had known, he’d probably try to intervene.

Stewie had told him he was going to hold off his plans to kill Lois, or taking over the world, years, years ago. Only a year ago did the sociopathic child say that he wasn’t going to carry out the task of murdering of his mother in front of Brian.

The event and confession felt out of place almost, but Brian seemed to accept it to a degree.

Afterall, the child didn’t seem as violent as he had been when he was smaller, younger.

… Maybe he was being blind to that— He and Stewie had been friends for such a long time. The dog tended to brush off more and more of the child’s homicidal incidents— pegging it as pretty normal at some point.

… Okay, maybe entirely blind.

He continued to watch the TV, eventually deciding to flip the channel away from another crotch shot that was being shown— the movie’s poor shot at humor.

The TV’s noises didn’t quite reach upstairs. But Stewie stood up at the top of the stairs, hearing the distant noises drifting upwards. He had already doublechecked— his father and the older siblings weren’t going to be back for awhile yet.

Right.

Also, his best friend- Brian- hadn’t been able to get out of the house for today… Damn it. It seems almost rare that the family seemed to go on their separate ways like this— leaving most of the house deserted.

Oh…

How he hated that the pet of the family stayed today. Why?

He and Peter had always gotten along— why couldn’t have the Fat Man taken his dog along with him for the stupid antics?

A heavy sigh exited from the 6 year old’s mouth.

Stewie took a few steps down, peering towards the white furred animal, seeing that his attention was pretty much set on the television before him.

Perfect enough— The diabolical youngster thought. He made a movement to continue casually downstairs, but that’s when the animal moved to get up. Widening his eyes, he quickly hid his weapon when he saw Brian start to approach the stairs.

Oh, fuck—

He soon started to wave towards his friend with a smile. “Hey, Bri.”

Brian looked towards him non-suspiciously. “Hey.”

“Uhmm… You wanna go to the park later? Maybe hang out for a bit?” He offered.

The dog shrugged. “Sure, why not. There’s nothing to do, maybe some fresh air will be good for me.”

“Alright, cool, Bri.”

Brian rubbed back of his head. ‘’Hey, you alright? You seem… a bit out of it the last couple of days, kid.”

Stewie shrugged, shaking his head a little. “No idea what you mean— I’ve been doing pretty okay.”

A ‘hm’ from the dog. “Well, alright. I’ll come get you in a couple of hours then.” He then left, carefully continue to walk.

He’s getting old. The youngster noticed letting his eyes follow the other. He’d have to do something about it one of these days. Easy enough. Bit of a challenge, nothing more.

With that in mind, he pulled out his weapon, ready to continue his mission. He hmm’ed, furrowing his brows. “At least that went better than what happened in between Rosanne and her sister one time.”

….. He waited.

And a bit more. He finally scowled. “Aw come on, cutaways are part of this damned show.” A roll of the eyes. “Doesn’t matter if the writer isn’t a too big of a fan of them, and think they somehow detract away from the main plot….” That last statement had been muttered underneath his breath, effectively adding more to the fourth wall being shattered.

Soon enough, he found himself at the bottom of the stairs. With an apprehensive look up the stairs, he then focused his sight on the kitchen. It’d have to do.

The usual pitter-patter of his feet was silenced by the carpet and then it soon went off noisily as he entered into the kitchen. It was the usual sort of set up throughout the room, of course. He hmm’ed, narrowing his eyes, thinking of how to get his mother in here. There were so many options—

He could knock off one of those water glasses on the counter—

Or perhaps even turn on the stove by ‘accident’ and start a minor fire—

Start crying because he tried to reach for something—

Moan for some food, even.

Moaning for food seemed reasonable enough. With a ‘hm’, he went and opened up the kitchen door, letting the slightly cool Fall air within the home.

“MOM!” He yelled in a whiny voice.

A crack of the back, and Lois popped her up from working on cleaning up some leaves. The orange haired woman let her vision fall onto her son’s form. “Yes, honey?”

“I’m huuuuuuuungry. Can you make something?” He had accounted that she had been working for quite long time, so a break was a sure thing.

She almost seemed relieved at that thought— Her body hadn’t been the same way as it was a few years ago. She was pushing 50, afterall, just like her husband. She studied him briefly— Thank God that he wasn’t as simple minded as her husband, that’d only contribute more to the Peter-Chris problem. It was interesting also to note he had inherited some orange hair mixed with brown—a nice subtle combination.

“Sure, mommy’s coming.” She said with a gentle smile.

An evil smirk passed over his face, as she turned her back to grab some things to put them away. She had done enough work for one day— So she figured she’d do some work inside instead.

Stewie quickly dodged inside, spotting a chair and set it up right next to the kitchen door. Lois would end up tripping over it, and that’s when he’d strike. A quick toss of his eyes out of the window told him that she was very near finishing up with her cleaning up— prompting him to get out his dangerous weapon, ready to aim. As long as Brian stayed upstairs—

Everything would go just fine.

He’d have to quickly get rid of the body though. There was a cemetery a few blocks down from this house. He’d throw her into one of the unprepared holes— enabling a perfect getaway. He already had prepared a good enough story for Brian…. Hopefully it worked.

A creak of the door sounded off, and he instantly prepared himself, mentally calculating where his aim should be on her body when she fell.

“Ste—“ Her voice being cut off as she fell over the chair, landing hard on the ground, not quite where she should have been. Nevertheless, the six year old took the shot. Not having to worry about the sound, since he had prepared the kitchen with mostly soundproof walls before this afternoon.

Most of all, he had made sure Joe was off somewhere this afternoon, too.

“OW!” She loudly yelled, now trying to get up, but that thought was soon abandoned as soon as she felt pain in her abdomen, rendering her to keep on the floor and quick as possible clutching her stomach.

“Damn!” Stewie cursed, just now realizing the chair had been off a couple of degrees. “Oh bloody hell, it just had to be per—!”

“S-Stewie? What the— W-Why do you have that gun, honey?” Lois said with fear in her voice, stammering somewhat due to the blood loss so far, the red pool seeming to be stable at the moment beneath her.

Stewie just grinned, as he stomped over with his anger quickly dissipating with seeing his mother in such a vulnerable state. He promptly shoved the gun right into her cheek.

“Well, Lois, I—“

“WHAT THE HELL?” A shocked voice rang through the atmosphere.

All the confidence and the grin disappeared from Stewie, and his eyes widened. His blood went absolutely cold.

B-Brian… No…

The child turned to look at his friend, who had a taken-back expression. “O-Oh my God… This is like… Like.. walking into some bad porno with—“ “B-Brian, I…” How could the homicidal boy even begin to explain about this? “It’s… not what it looks like…” He said awkwardly, effectively cutting away the opportunity for a cutaway.

Brian went immediately over to Lois, and Stewie backed up at least for now, hiding his weapon. He needed to finish her afterall.

Stewie wouldn’t allow guilt to spring up— No. This was a goal he had been determined to stick to for all these years.

Tears sprung up in the dog’s eyes upon seeing her in such a weakened state. “L-Lois… I…I knew he—But..” A sigh. “We’re getting you to a hospital as soon as possible, alright?” His voice sounded broken, but he tried to keep strong for her.

Lois coughed, a bit blood coming up. ‘’I-I.. Didn’t expect it.. How could he…?” Her question left off in a trail, as she gripped her pet’s arms.

Brian sent a glare over to him. “He’s… It’s a long story.” He finally told her after a few moments. Another sigh. He couldn’t let her die here. He reached for the phone nearby, but—

A cock of a gun went off.

“Brian. Don’t do it.” The British voice told him, coldly.

Brian shook slightly. This whole situation was generally fucked up to the core— And he could have tried to prevent it entirely. Only if… he had paid more attention to his fri— No, family me— Not that either. How he could think of anything positive?

“Stewie—“ He started off desperately, looking over to him, which Stewie had the gun pointed right at him. That hurt. “Really? Acting like a fucking psychopath— Again—“

“Brian.” His voice much calmer now, it was a forced coldness. “I-I’ve waited for this… For so long. To be able to kill—“

“YOU ALMOST KILLED LOIS! A friend! A love of mine…!” Brian felt a tear escape from his eye, as he clenched his fists. He started to scan the room for anything— anything— to use against the other. Knives. Knives in the drawer.

“I’VE WANTED TO DO THIS.” Stewie let out a long sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s… no use getting through you. Not right now.”

Right after that last bit, he finally lifted his head to see the dog rushing towards the drawer, which he immediately caught onto. Without warning, he shot the dog immediately—

And Brian went down.

Stewie cringed, hating that he had to do that— to a friend nevertheless. He watched as blood started to leak from the dog’s foot and as the dog fell down yelling in pain.

At least his attention was drawn away from the knives.

The child had to turn away, not wanting to see the pain of Brian. His eyes immediately flickered over to Lois, who had been trying to drag herself away from the scene altogether. He had to give her credit— she was nearly halfway across the kitchen floor, leaving a smeary trail of blood.

The sociopathic boy set on catching up with her, shoving the gun yet again into her face with a mean scowl and sadistic grin to match.

“Lois… You die here. Right now.”

She tried to protest, but it was no use—

Everything went silent after the final shot went off within the room. Beian didn’t dare move. It was as if he was afraid that Stewie might turn the gun towards him.

But no.

His love was bleeding all over the place. Within a few seconds, he limped over and held onto her. “L-Lois… She’s… Dead.” He whispered a bit harshly. He gritted his teeth. This wouldn’t have happened if—

He turned to glare over at Stewie. “What the HELL? I thought you swore off killing Lois?”

Stewie drew out a long sigh, before tearing away his eyes from the most proudest accomplishment of his yet. “I’ve… Lied.’’ He rubbed the back of his head. ‘’God, how do I even explain this…?”

“…I’m waiting, you bastard.”

Stewie deeply frowned, thrusting his arms out in front of him. “I don’t know how to! I’ve always just had this urge…”

Brian said quickly, “You could have ignored it.”

“I couldn’t!”

“You could have, Stewie! You’re nothing but a cold hearted murderer. You knew damn well how I felt towards her!” He shouted, fists clenched at his sides. “Yes! I knew, imbecile!” He growled. “That’s…” He hesitated a little bit on his words, but decided to quickly deliver them. “..Why I wanted you to know none of this had happened. Assume that Lois had been killed by a mere known criminal or something.” He said a bit guiltly.

“So go behind my back. Nice one.”

The boy pointed fiercely at him. “You know damned well it was a far better option than—“ He motioned a hand around the scene. “THIS.”

“….Your point?” The dog growled, this time. Though it seemed like he accepted the point Stewie had made.

“…You’re not going to forgive me for this, are you?” Stewie said nonchalantly.

“Fucking no, never.”

“Figured.” A pause. “Fair enough.”

With that, a sort of silence fell over the two, as they soon let their vision wander over towards Lois’s body, which would no doubt start to stink up the place. Stewie’s vision had lingered on her corpse, but Brian had to turn away before he could break down. Suddenly, the silence was torn in half.

“…I need to get rid of it as soon as possible.’’ The dark statement spilling away from the 6 year old’s mouth. Then his eyes fell onto Brian. “I need some help.”

“Piss off.” Was the instantaneous response from the dog, who was trying to tend to his injury.

‘’… Ugh. Come here—“ He said, going over and grabbing the First Aid Kit and starting to tend to his friend’s foot.

In a fit, Brian tried to yank away his leg. “No, fuck off.”

“Hell.. I didn’t want to do this.”

“Oh, really?’’ He quipped, bitterness still obviously in his voice.

“Yes— I really didn’t. You were going to call 9-1-1. That could have caused trouble. I had to stop you from doing so.” He explained, now starting to wrap up the foot in clean bandage.

“Shots to the stomach aren’t fatal.” He spat.

An angered sigh. “I know. But they can be.” Stewie retorted. He continued before the dog could retaliate with another jab. “Besides, won’t you want Lois put in a decent place? With dignity? Besides, 6 year olds can’t be put into jail… Besides, we’re…. well, used to be? I don’t know. Friends.”

Brian scowled, then huffed. No matter how much he wanted to deny it, they did have a lot of good times. “I do. Fine. I-I’ll do it.”

“Good.” The youngster said, before going over to the counter and fishing something out from behind. A body bag. Brian’s heart could have bursted at the sight of it, and he quickly looked away.

“You put her in.” He choked.

“Was planning to.” He said in an almost sing-sing voice. “I know you wouldn’t want to help.”

The animal’s stomach lurched at how joyful the child’s voice seemed, as he silently waited. He squeezed his eyes shut as if in physical pain when he heard the zipper finally, signaling that Stewie was done. A heavy sigh exited from his mouth, when he shakily stood, testing his foot.

Lois… When we go to wherever we’re going… That will be my final goodbye. “Are you done torturing me for the day?”

“Quit it.” Stewie quickly replied, as he helped Brian over to the body bag. “Careful.” He continued to instruct as he let the dog grab one end.

Stewie looked at the pet concerned, before turning his head back forward to lead the way. They were both silent towards the way to the graveyard— quietly maneuvering in behind houses and in alleyways as to not to alert anyone. They had to be somewhat quick too, and that was difficult.

When they arrived, the dog instantly demanded that he’d make sure she was buried correctly.

“….Are you sure?” The boy’s voice questioned.

‘’Yes. She meant a lot to me, so it’s a damned good reason.” Brian bit back at him.

Stewie’s heart finally got pulled, and his stomach lurched same as Brian’s did when he had seen his love dying. This was the thing he had been absolutely dreading—

Brian’s disapproval. His disappointment.

He had planned to tell the dog at some point after the deed— but not too soon. He hadn’t wanted to lose their friendship, and it seemed like now he would right back when Brian had seen Stewie had finished off his mother.

He was jolted out of his dark thoughts as Brian announced that he was done. He didn’t look at Stewie the same way as before, when meeting his eyes. Instead, he just brushed past the boy and went back home, which Stewie quickly followed him.

“A-Are we still….” He looked away, unable to finish his sentence, as he kept up with the animal.

“I—“ Brian bit at his tongue. “Right now? You’re asking this?” He asked, lifting an eyebrow.

Stewie fidgeted. “I… need to know. I mean…”

“I know.” Brian quickly supplied quietly, unable to continue for now.

He stayed silent the entire way back home, but as he opened up the kitchen door, he let the boy in first. He finally spoke up after keeping silent for what seemed like a decade. “…I… Don’t know. This… pretty major.” He couldn’t even form proper sentences, upon seeing the blood smeared on the floor.

“Jackass.” Brian decided to say. He added on, “…Do you want me to clean up your sickening mess, too?” He narrowed his eyes towards the other.

Stewie seemed to shrink at the look he was getting from the dog. “ Uhm…” He shifted his eyes back and forth. “No, I’m good.”

Brian grunted, as he brushed past, getting out of the kitchen as fast as possible. Stewie stared for several minutes after the dog had left the room. He snapped out of it when the blood smell became too strong. It was a…. Mixed sort of feeling day.

Both a good one—

And a sad one.

He had been able to clean it up extremely well, making sure absolutely no sort of clue was on the floor of the events that had occurred earlier.

Not even hours later, did the three missing Griffins come back home. Peter instantly went to watch TV with Chris, while Meg wanted to cry up in her room for some reason. It wasn’t an entire half hour later that Peter’s mind was finally putting the pieces together. He casted a suspicious glance around—

“Hey, where’s Lois? She’s supposed to get me a beer by now.” Chris shrugged. “I’unno. Maybe she’s ice skating or something?”

Peter hmm’ed, then took a look outside. “Huh… impossible. It’s… Uh…”

Brian let out a deep sigh, as he was with them on the couch, looking downright depressed. “You’re almost there, Peter…”

Chris waited for his dad’s conclusion, blinking towards his father. “What, dad?”

Peter shifted his eyes back and forth, obviously thinking hard as he could. He eyed a leaf falling to the ground outside. “It’s…. something…”

“Something?” The blond haired boy said dumbly.

“OH! It’s Fall!” Peter said smiling, proud of his conclusion. “She can’t do it in Fall, I think.”

“Oh.”

Another a moment went by. “Yeah, where did she go?” Peter asked, before turning his vision turned to the TV, which Stewie was standing in front of now, tears in his eyes—faked for effect. He turned and shakily shut off the electronic device.

Peter was about to retort angrily to the action, but immediately fell silent when he heard the words:

Mommy’s dead.

Stewie went off into a heartfelt, believable story about how Lois was taken off somewhere after being murdered. At some point, the sole daughter came downstairs, looking horrified as rest of them. The boy discretely eyed the dog the family— Brian had kept silent. Brian could have easily interrupted if he had wanted to.

A spark ignited within Stewie.

Perhaps their friendship wasn’t dead as he thought it was.

Maybe….

It was worth to think it.