#the center of it being please let’s extend kindness and understanding towards what happened because of his struggles

[septembersghost]

E was the MOST beautiful man

current state of my inbox is just the attached screenshot:

[marvelouspeterparker]

professor’s sweetheart

pairing: professor!tom holland x student!reader

summary: professor holland teaches british literature at your university. you hadn’t expected much when you signed up for the course, but the experience is everything and more than you could have hoped for. 

word count: 15.1k

warnings: there is smut in here but it’s not the main focus (wild, i know)

notes: uh yeah i’d say just don’t fuck your professor? this is purely fictional. be safe, you know how it is <3

also she wrote a professor!harry styles fic, but if i hadn’t read that (over and over) i probably wouldn’t have been inspired to write this. so check out @songbirdstyles​ !

i listened to this playlist while writing it if ur interested :)

give me feedback please!!

“What class do you have next?” Your friend, and roommate Liz asked. You were both walking out of the cafeteria. It was 1:15, you had just finished lunch and you had fifteen minutes until your next class. You pushed the doors open together and braced yourselves as the cool late September breeze hit you, blowing your jackets open. You put both sides of the jacket together in front of you and crossed your arms to block the cold out. 

“Um,” you thought back for a moment, the cold temporarily knocking your senses right out of you. “British Literature.”

If you were being honest, you had taken this course because it fulfilled one of your requirements, but in the end it felt like one of the most rewarding parts of your college experience so far. The material was interesting, and instead of being bored out of your mind throughout the whole hour and a half of class––it was actually entertaining. You had your professor to thank for that.

“Oooh,” Liz twisted her lips to the side to suppress a knowing smile, but the look in her eyes gave it away. “With Professor Holland?” She asked, batting her eyelashes innocently. 

You rolled your eyes and bit your tongue to hide your smile. “Yes,” you shoved her playfully to the side making her step in a pile of leaves, the crunch under boots loud as ever as it carried through the crisp air. “Shut up.”

You and Liz had been roommates since your first year at university and had now spent four, coming up on five semesters rooming together. Luckily, you really hit it off, and easily fell into a routine together, forming a bond as you ate lunch and dinner together, studied in the library, had dance parties in your dorm, and more. You knew each other inside and out, often having random late night conversations while you procrastinated your work or couldn’t sleep, about literally anything and everything. Bottom line is, you trusted each other, which is why she knew about your sort-of-crush on Professor Holland. 

To be fair everyone had a thing for him, he was just that kind of guy. He was sweet and compassionate and funny. Professor Holland was one of those genuine professors who sincerely cared about their students and their well-beings. He was incredibly understanding. He’d schedule dozens of meetings with his students all in one day just because he wanted to help and make sure they were all alright. He liked to check in every now and then, not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

From what you could tell he also seemed like a people person. No matter who he was with, whether it was a student, his teaching assistant Jacob, or his fellow professors––he was always attentive, cracking jokes, enjoying the conversation. Everyone seemed to love him. But you could also tell that a part of him was just a tad bit cocky, but in a joking and love-able way. 

All this goes to show that you spent way too much time thinking about him, and observing him, which could either be seen as really endearing or really creepy. 

“Look I’m just saying,” Liz shrugged, “Enjoy the class.” She nudged you, “I know I would.”

Realizing you were approaching the writing and arts center, and Liz’s next class was in the building across the street, you sent her off. “Yeah yeah, okay. Bye.” You tightened your arms around you and scurried off, skipping a crack in the sidewalk and walking up the steps to the building. You opened the door and were immediately welcomed by a rush of warm air and let out a sigh, rubbing your hands together as you made your way to the lecture hall. 

You pulled your phone out and checked the time, 1:22. You still had 8 minutes to spare. You were still walking and only glanced up from your phone right as you were about to walk into the door and were stopped suddenly when you crashed into a hard chest. You immediately felt two warm hands grasp your arms to steady you and were suddenly enveloped by the smell of tea and mint. 

“Woah! I’m sorry, love, are you alright?”

You froze as you looked up, feeling very much like a deer in headlights as you realized you quite literally crashed into your professor. “Oh––um,” you swallowed, suddenly feeling like the air was escaping you. You cleared your throat trying to save yourself from anymore embarrassment. “I’m fine––I’m sorry, that was my fault. I wasn’t looking––” You paused when you noticed the small smile on his face, his warm eyes making you forget what you were going to say.

“It’s alright, Y/N. It was partially my fault as well, I was too focused on––” he seemed to snap out of some trance, straightening himself up as his hands dropped back down to his sides and into his pockets. “Uh, well that’s not important.” He pulled one hand out of his pocket––he was wearing those blue slacks that you thought made his thighs look great, respectfully, of course. He checked the time on his watch and you had to stop yourself from ogling the veins in his arms as he did so. 

He looked up at you, brows furrowed playfully and you actually had to remind yourself to breathe. “You’re almost ten minutes early. You that eager to see me?” He ended his question with a teasing smirk and your mouth opened and closed a few times before you managed to string together a response.

“I––um, I just really like this class and you––you’re my favorite professor.” You blurted out, your cheeks heating up as you realized what you just admitted. You had to force your eyes to go back to their normal size after they practically bulged at the realization of what you said. “And I mean, I just happened to get here early so...I thought I might as well get settled in.”

Your professor cleared his throat, trying to hide his smile as he glanced down at his shoes for a moment then back up at you. “Well then.” He extended his arm, pointing towards the open door of the hall and stepped aside. “Please, after you.” 

You gave him a small smile in return along with a quiet thank you and stepped through the door. But before you could walk over to your seat, you felt him lean over behind you to talk lowly in your ear. He was standing a respectably close distance, but his presence was so overwhelming it was as though you felt him everywhere. His breath caressed the smooth skin of your cheek as he spoke. 

“I’m technically not allowed to have favorites, but I do appreciate that you enjoy having me as your professor, darling.” It shouldn’t have had such an effect on you, really, it shouldn’t have. But something about him referring to himself by his title really did something to you. You took a sharp inhale as you stood up straight, your whole body on high alert as you turned your head towards him, your eyes refusing to look at his and instead finding solace in the fabric of his navy blue button up––which he’d rolled up to his forearms. 

“And if it means anything, I rather do enjoy having you in my class as well.” You snuck a peek at him, lifting your gaze slowly and only caught a glimpse of his soft lips as he smiled before walking over to his desk. 

You felt your heart pounding in your chest as you walked up the steps to your usual spot in the middle row, near the aisle. Your legs felt like they were going to give out any minute, and the man hadn’t even touched you––well not in the way you wanted him to, anyway. But enough of that. 

You checked your phone again, trying to calm down your heartbeat as you took in a deep breath, 1:28. People started shuffling into the class, the overlapping sounds of chatter and laughter rupturing the energy the room had when it was just the two of you. At 1:32 Professor Holland started the class, getting everyone’s attention smoother than anyone should be able to. You could almost feel everyone’s eyes focusing on him, some weren’t even listening to him, they were just so entranced by how good he looked and the way he sounded––his accent was just so endearing, you had to admit it. 

The hour and a half went by rather quickly but today you were more aware of yourself, of Professor Holland––even more than usual. It seemed as though his eyes would travel to your direction more often, after he made jokes as if to see your reaction, or while he paused in his speeches. 

At the end of the class, despite there being dozens of other students moving around you, you felt as though your professor was watching you as you made your way out of the room. But it had to be your imagination, there was just no way. 

When you got back to your dorm, Liz still wasn’t back yet so you decided to take a shower and spend some time relaxing. You had already done your work for the next day and your other work for the rest of the week––well, you decided you’d do it later. 

You changed into sweats after your shower and hopped on your bed, deciding to switch between your apps for an hour or so––honestly you’d lost track of time. Liz strolled in soon after, closing the door with a loud groan, throwing her bag on the floor.

You smiled, looking up at her from your lying position on the bed. “Hello to you too.”

She grumbled in response, finally looking at you. When she noticed you were already wearing your pajamas she pointed to you, her brows raised. “Good idea!” She immediately went to her drawers and picked out a random pair of sweats and an oversized sweatshirt, changing with lightning speed for someone who was sluggishly groaning not even a minute before. 

She grabbed her phone and sat on her bed opposite yours, cross-legged, facing you. She looked at your face for a few seconds before squinting her eyes at you. “You have something to say. Spill.”

You rolled your eyes, a smile on your face. 

She looked at you pointedly, “Well go on.” 

So you told her about your encounter with the infamous brit today, how you bumped into him, what he said to you, the glances he sent your way. When you finished recounting everything you took a deep breath, “But––this could all just be in my head you know, just me overreacting.”

She stared at you with a dead expression. “Are you fucking dumb?”

“Hey!”

She ignored you, rolling her eyes while she tried not to laugh. “Dude he totally wants to fuck you.” She said nonchalantly.

Your eyes bulged, “W–What do you––What?” 

“Oh please, it’s so obvious.”

You opened your mouth but when nothing came out, you paused and looked down at the carpet. After a few moments you looked back up at her to find her with a knowing smirk on her face. “Are you serious?”

“Of course I am, when am I not?” When you were about to speak, she interrupted you. “Don’t answer that. But look, it seems like he’s into you. I think you should hit that.”

“But we––that’s not allowed!” You paused, “Is it?”

She laughed, “A ha! So you do want to!”

“Oh shut up, you already knew that. Everyone wants to, it’s not a big deal.”

She made a face, “Yes, but you’re the only one who actually has a chance at getting it.” 

You looked at her, a skeptical look on your face. “Even if that was true––he’s still my professor…”

She sighed, rolling her eyes. “Yeah but it’s not like it’s in the handbook or anything. Plus, you’re both legal adults, so. There you have it. You’re free to bone.”

“You did not just say that.”

“But I did.” She smiled, lying down in her bed. “You really could, though. Just don’t tell anybody.” When you didn’t say anything else, she spoke up. “Okay I’m gonna take a nap now. You have a lot to think about.” 

You ignored the last part and went back to your phone, “Yeah you do that.” 

Throughout the rest of the afternoon and night you couldn’t stop thinking about this whole situation. This was bad...Or was it? It seemed all too complicated, that was for sure. You weren’t even sure he looked at you or thought of you that way. 

You fell asleep playing all the pros and cons of hypothetically getting with him, your mind an endless loop of your professor, his voice, how he sounded when he practically whispered that he liked being your teacher. This was all too much.

❊❊❊❊

All of your senses were in overdrive. All you could feel were the hands tracing every curve of your body, playing you like a toy they’d made themselves. The tongue, teeth and lips following and leaving marks everywhere the hands traced. All you could hear was that sweet, rough voice telling you praises and calling you endearing names as your whole body shivered from the pleasure. Your eyes locked in on the ones staring up at you with pure hunger and awe as you ground yourself down on his cock.

“That’s it darling, just like that. You’re doing so good for me.” His lips curved into that oh so familiar smirk. “I taught you well, didn’t I?”

You woke up sweaty, your shirt sticking to your torso, a wet patch on your panties, your nipples pebbled in the cool air of your dorm room. A sex dream. Of course you had a fucking sex dream about him. Fuck. You were just lucky that your next class with him was on Thursday so you didn’t have to see him today. Because that would not help you at all. 

You checked the time on your phone, squinting at the brightness before turning it all the way down, 10am. You got out of bed with a groan and took your toiletries bag and your towel to the bathroom, deciding to take a shower this morning, instead of later on at night. Lord knows you certainly needed one. A cold one too.

You were frustrated, frustrated with yourself for feeling this way about your professor––sure, he was only a few years older than you, but it was the principle of the matter––frustrated that you were overthinking this entire thing, and most importantly you were annoyed because you were extremely horny. 

When you got into the bathroom, you locked the door and set your stuff down. You put your hands on both sides of the sink and looked at yourself in the mirror. Who are we and what happened? You sighed and grabbed your toothbrush, brushing your teeth quickly and aggressively, since everything seemed to be a hassle this morning. You’d hoped that once you hopped in the shower, you’d calm down. 

When you made your way inside, you sighed contently at the feeling of the warm water pattering against your skin, freshening you up immediately. Your nipples were still hard, between your legs still wet. So you brought a hand down between your thighs, the other to your breast as you stood under the water––almost as though the water was washing away the sinful act and thoughts right at the source. You laughed at the thought, nope, nothing can wash this away. 

You squeezed your breast and tugged at your nipple, rubbing your sensitive bud just the way you liked. You were still sensitive from...your dream, so it didn’t take long for everything to build up. You couldn’t help yourself, your mind brought back the remnants of last night that you remembered, the way his hands gripped you when he steadied you, the way his arms looked, and you came with a whimper that was louder than you would have liked. You bit your lip, closing your eyes and resting your head back on the tiles as the water continued to fall on you. 

When you came back to your dorm, Liz was on her way out but she stopped, raising her brows at you, “So have you come to a conclusion?”

You walked past her into the dorm, “Go to class, Liz.” You heard her cackle down the hallway as you closed the door. 

You got dressed casually, not rushing since there was nowhere for you to go and decided to go to the local cafe near the school. You needed to clear your head and get some work done, and you definitely would not get any of it done in your dorm. Not today, anyway. 

You checked the weather and seeing that it was a little warmer today, you put a sweatshirt on, grabbed your bag along with your phone and your laptop and you were on your way. The breeze felt refreshing this morning as you stepped out of your dorm. Your walk to the cafe was only ten or so minutes but it felt good. 

Stepping into the little shop, you were immediately hit by the aroma of coffee and sweets, surrounded by the sound of light chatter and utensils clattering on the wooden tables. The warm light above you brought a sense of comfort as you made your way over to the counter. The line was rather short so you managed to order your usual drink and snack quickly. As you were waiting for the cashier to hand you your things, your eyes scanned the shop––the ambience was rather nice and the talking almost felt like background noises. You wouldn’t mind staying here to work.

As you gathered your things, you turned around in search of a free table––which would be the deciding factor in whether or not you would stay, you did not want to awkwardly share the small table space with some stranger. You took a few steps into the seating area and almost choked on your breath when you made eye contact with the last person you wanted to see today. 

He smiled charmingly at you, teeth and all and quickly made his way over before you even had a chance to think of escaping. “Y/N!” He stood in front of you, his eyes bright. He was actually happy to see you? He was always happy to see everyone, it didn’t mean anything. 

His voice snapped you out of your annoyingly loud thoughts.  “Fancy seeing you here.” He nudged you playfully, “How are you?” He was wearing a very tight white button up that was unbuttoned until the third, showing a generous amount of his chest, a grey suit and pants, along with a messenger bag slung over his shoulder. It took you a few more seconds than it should have to process that there were actual words coming out of his mouth.  

You forced a smile onto your face but the more you looked into his eyes, the more genuine it became, almost impossible to wipe off. “I’m good. Was just grabbing breakfast before I start my work. You?”

He raised his cup, “Same as you. Have a bit of time before my next class.” 

You noticed that you couldn’t tell what exactly was in the cup and your curiosity got the better of you. You pointed to the cup clasped in his fingers, “Is that coffee?”

He furrowed his brows in mock offense, “I only drink tea, darling.” He leaned his upper body forward to whisper to you, his cheek almost touching yours, “I’d think you would know that about your favorite professor.” He tutted playfully as he stood up straight again, watching you, a look that you couldn’t quite pinpoint in his eyes as he watched you over his cup, taking a teasingly long sip. 

You looked up at him, your mouth slightly open, not a clue what to respond. When he pulled the cup away from his mouth he looked down at you, his gaze drifting down and you’d never felt more exposed, despite the fact that you were wearing two layers of clothing. “I like your sweatshirt.” He smiled, glancing down at it before looking directly into your eyes, his head lowered slightly.

Your eyes widened in surprise and your head snapped down to see your spiderman sweatshirt looking back at you boldly. Oh––Oh. You lifted your head back up to find him still smiling at you softly, he didn’t seem to be teasing you at all. “Um thanks.” You could feel your cheeks heating up, despite the cool air that swept your legs as someone opened the door to the cafe. “Are you uh–– a marvel fan?” 

He pursed his lips playfully, “Yeah,” his hand came up to rub the back of his neck, “Yeah you could say that.” He licked his lips and took another sip of his drink.

Your eyes, with a mind of their own, trailed down the column of his throat, following the vein on the side of his neck, the way his adams apple bobbed as he swallowed the warm liquid. The action almost seemed provocative, in both meanings of the term. 

Suddenly you felt very hot and you knew that you had to get out of there before you made a fool of yourself in front of everyone, but most importantly him. You perked up, “I uh––I have to go professor, but it was nice talking with you. See you tomorrow!” With that you quite literally ran off, wincing as you turned around, having noticed the way his lips parted as if to speak, a furrow between his brows appearing out of confusion and concern. You really had to get control of yourself. 

You practically berated yourself as you speed walked away. God, that was so stupid. And not to mention, incredibly rude! He’d probably be upset with you now, or maybe even mad. It’s just––unbelievable what he did to you, without even actually doing anything. It took you the entire walk there to realize that you unconsciously made your way back to your dorm––so much for the library. But you’d had enough social interaction for today, so you decided you’d stay there.

You got in your bed and buried yourself under the covers, deciding you needed the comfort of being hidden in your mattress after the embarrassment you’d just experienced. You lied there just staring at the plain, white ceiling for way too long until you let out a loud huff and sat up, before grabbing your computer to start your work. 

Deciding to check your college email before you started, since they were incessant and it was easy to miss something, you scanned down the list of messages in your inbox. Your eyes skimmed through the boxes on the left of your screen, notifications that your professors left feedback on your assignments, the weekly newsletter, club events, a message from Holland, Tom––

You shut your computer immediately, eyes bulging as you held your breath. You swallowed thickly, as you stared into nothing in front of you, your eyes barely taking in anything, your mind a big ball of fuzz. 

After taking a few deep breaths, and telling your overdramatic brain to calm down, you opened the laptop again. Biting your lip, you hovered your mouse over the message, reading over the small bits of information you could see in the preview.

Holland, Tom

Just checking in

Hi Y/N, I just wanted to make  …

You could feel your heart beating through your chest. Oh God––Wanted to make sure what?? The sensible part of your brain said to just open it to figure it out for yourself. But the irrational, idiotic part of your brain was yelling at you to not open it under any circumstance. What if he wanted to make sure you didn’t get the wrong idea? Did he know how you felt about him? Were you that obvious? Maybe he thinks you’re clinically insane and wants to make sure you’re getting the attention you need? You did run off like a crazy person, after all. 

You shut your eyes tight and groaned loudly into your hands. Liz walked in and whistled lowly, taking in everything in front of her. You looked up, confused and looked at the time, realizing it had already been two hours since you first left the dorm, meaning she was done with her classes for the day.

“What’s up?” She took a seat at her desk, propping her legs on the table as she leaned back.

You waved her off, deciding it would be best to let this blow over and ignore it for now. You’d go back when you were in the right state of mind. 

She started telling you about her day and annoyingly, your brain decided today would be the day that it would not shut off. Your brows were furrowed as you tried your best to focus on what your friend was saying, but she wasn’t even looking in your direction, staring up into the air above her as she spoke animated, hands waving around, so she didn’t even notice you struggling to pay attention. 

Your eyes kept flitting back to the screen of your computer, your fingers swiping across the trackpad to turn it back on when the screen’s brightness lowered every now and then. 

Liz looked back at you and stopped her spiel. “Alright what’s up with you?” 

You sighed deeply and looked up at her. “Sorry, sorry. I just––I saw Professor Holland today––”

“Already?” She interrupted you, a goofy smile on her face. “Damn, you work fast.”

You threw the nearest pillow at her, “Shut up! I didn’t fuck him.”

“You should’ve.” She pointed out, holding the pillow to her chest. 

You glared at her until she raised her hands in surrender, then continued, your eyes bouncing from object to object in the room as you babbled. 

“I went to the cafe and I saw him and he came over to me and we started talking––and he whispered in my ear and he was joking around with me and he sipped his tea and he was super close to me and super hot, and I couldn’t handle it so I basically ran off without giving him a chance to say bye.” You took a deep breath, “And then he sent me an email after I saw him and I still haven’t opened it because I’m scared and I don’t know what he said…” You took another breath and looked at your friend, blinking as she just stared at you.

After a moment, she spoke up. “Dude just open the email.”

Your eyes widened almost in offense. “Did you not listen to anything I just said?”

“Yeah you practically fucked in the cafe then you got scared and ran away.” She spoke nonchalantly and you could tell she was fighting off a smile. “Look, eventually you have to open the email anyway, you can’t just ignore it. So just do it and rip the bandaid off.” You were about to speak up when she interrupted you, “I promise it won’t be half as bad as you think. We both know your mind is absolutely filled with the craziest ideas.” 

You huffed and fell back down on the bed, not bothering to argue since you both knew she was right. 

“Shit, I’m starving.” She looked at the time, “Yeah it’s about time for me to eat food.” She stood up, “Come on, let’s go.”

“Can you please get something for me?” She knew you well enough that you didn’t have to tell her what to get. You gave her your best smile and shrugged your shoulders.

“Are you serious.” She looked at you, deadpan, standing like the little emoji of the woman standing in place with her arms at her sides. 

You had to suppress your smile, “What if I see him?” You asked incredulously, lying further in the covers. “I’d rather stay in here and hide, for now.”

“You have class with him tomorrow––”

“That’s why I said for now.”

She cracked a smile, rolling her eyes as she grabbed her things, “You’re ridiculous.”

“Love you!”

“Yeah yeah,” she waved her hand and walked out the door. 

A few moments passed after Liz left and you sat up yet again, putting your computer on your lap as you swiped the trackpad, making the screen light up again. You checked the time, it had been almost an hour since he sent the email, you really shouldn’t make him wait any longer. Not that he’s waiting at all, he probably didn’t even notice that you hadn’t responded.

You inhaled and exhaled slowly, swallowed your nerves and clicked on the email. 

Holland, Tom

Just checking in

Hi Y/N, 

I just wanted to make sure everything was alright. You seemed kind of stressed when you left earlier and I’m hoping it wasn’t because of anything I did. Can we check in tomorrow in my office? Hope everything is going well. 

Warmest Regards,

Professor Holland

He wanted to meet tomorrow after class. In his office. Alone. 

Oh, fuck. You could hear Liz in your head going Yes, fuck. But you quickly shoved her aside. 

You read over the email about five times to make sure you weren’t misinterpreting anything, because that would be even more embarrassing. You clicked the reply button and slowly wrote out your response.

Hi Professor Holland,

Everything is fine, but thank you for asking, I appreciate the concern. I’m free tomorrow after class if you’re available then.

Thank you!

Y/N

You hit send and not even two minutes later, you received a response. 

Hi Y/N,

Perfect! I’ll see you then :)

Warmly,

Professor Holland

How on earth were you supposed to focus on your work now? More importantly, how were you going to focus in class tomorrow?

❊❊❊❊

The next day, the butterflies in your stomach would not calm down. When you stepped into the class, he was talking to another student and you tried to sneak past to your seat unnoticed. You thought you’d succeeded but once you sat down and looked up, you made direct eye contact with him and you swear you stopped breathing. You barely even recognized the sound of everyone moving around you, getting ready for class to start. 

He parted his lips and reluctantly turned back to the student still talking to him, snapping out of his daze, but not after glancing back at you. You swallowed and sank down in your seat. This was going to be a long class. 

At 1:35, class started. Professor Holland stood up and clasped his hands, making his way to the middle of the floor in front of everybody, his voice reverberating through the room. 

“Good afternoon everybody. Hope you’re all doing well.” His eyes found yours and you bit your lip nervously. You could see him swallow as he watched you, before moving his gaze elsewhere. Was that because of you? Surely, it had to be a coincidence. Maybe you made him uncomfortable. Oh great––

He went on, seemingly unfazed, eyes darting back to you subtly before continuing. The discussion soon turned to the book you’d just been assigned to read. The book was rather lengthy but there were always so many things to talk about within only a few pages––which you loved, so it was taking you all a while to go through everything together in class. 

The conversations often took up a lot of the class time since Professor Holland simply loved talking and he always found everyone’s interpretations interesting and worth exploring––eager to hear our classmates perspectives. He also often said that he was not good at using technology, so he preferred to just talk and show rather than use his computer. Honestly, you found it endearing.

The conversations were always interesting to listen to, people never failed to give you insight on things you hadn’t even thought of before, but sometimes––some people were just a little stupid.

Someone brought up a slightly sexist point that made absolutely no sense but since you weren’t the one to call someone out in front of a room full of people, you stuck to your facial reactions instead of audibly responding. You turned back to the front of the class to see Professor Holland’s opinion to find that he was watching you, trying and failing to suppress his smile. 

He put both hands in his pockets which you found ironic considering they would jump out any time soon––he loved to talk with his hands. His eyes got serious, the smile on his face a little less friendly as he addressed the sophomore who made the comment. “I don’t know if you’re aware of how ludicrously sexist that comment you just made was, but now you know.” He turned to the rest of the class. “Remember to think before you speak. This isn’t to necessarily call anyone out. It’s a warning. Senseless remarks will not only affect my view of you, but your grades as well.” 

He went on and tried to shape the boy’s comment into something appropriate to discuss and you honestly couldn’t focus on anything else he said, you were just looking at him in awe and in shock. Sure, this was the bare minimum, but since it was so rare to see, it was very noticeable and even impressive when you noticed it.

God, you adored this man.

Near the end of class, he announced the next assignment, a paper you’d have to write about a comparison you made between any point in the story, a character, a theme, a hidden meaning, etc. and something in our modern reality, a social norm, a popular belief, etc. Your essays were always very open ended in this class, giving you room to write about almost anything you wanted to. Your professor knew that the assignments would be more enjoyable if there was some choice involved. He truly was good at his job. 

“Look, reading’s hard sometimes, I get it. I’m dyslexic, so trust me, I understand. But I never let that stop me.” He paused to look around the room and it was so silent you could hear each other’s inhales and exhales. The power he had over a room full of around one hundred people was insane, and in a weird way, also turned you on. “I know the book is massive. Listen to the audio books if you have to, I don’t mind. But get the work done either way. It’s not for me, it’s for you. I want you to get the best grade you can in this class.”

“Bring me interesting material. I don’t want to fall asleep reading your work.” He joked and smiled proudly when laughter filled the room. “The essay is due in two weeks. Good luck.”

There were a few thank you’s and goodbyes scattered around the room as he sent everyone off, people scurrying from all sides to the exits. 

You took your time gathering all your things and took a deep breath when the last few people made their way out, silence soon surrounding the both of you. You put your bag over your shoulder and walked down the carpeted steps, suddenly finding the dark grey pattern to be the most interesting things you’ve ever seen––and also watching your steps so that you don’t fall down them in front of him. You could barely hear the soft patter of your shoes as you walked down. When you finally got the main floor you looked up and saw him waiting for you patiently, things in his hands, a smile on his face. 

“Let’s go then, shall we?” You nodded shyly and he led the way, his office only a hallway away from the lecture hall. You found it slightly odd that he didn’t try to make conversation on your way there, since he always loved to. But you tried not to think too hard about it. Maybe he was just tired. 

When you reached his office, he opened the door and let you walk in first. Your eyes immediately scanned the room out of curiosity as you stepped inside, noticing his desk, the wood a dark mahogany which was covered with stacks of papers, picture frames, pens, and a few marvel funko pops––so he really was a fan. You’d never actually been inside of his office before. It was an intimidating thought for you to be in his office with him, alone. You just didn’t want to embarrass yourself. 

You turned to him and gestured to the chair across from his desk, “Do I just––”

“Please,” he interrupted eagerly. “Make yourself comfortable.” 

You took a seat and he set his things down next to his desk before sitting as well. His hair was coiffed to perfection today, curls sculpted nicely, a dark blue suit on his body with a black shirt underneath. He took off the suit jacket and put it on the back of his chair and you could see his veins and muscles bulging and shifting in his arms as he moved. He clasped his hands in front of him on the desk and wow he had nice fingers. You really had to get a grip on yourself––

“How was class today for you? Well, besides that one disappointing comment.”

You smiled, “I always enjoy the class, but yeah that was uh, disappointing as you said.

“I think your interpretations are always very insightful and very interesting. It’s almost a shame that you don’t share them with the whole class but part of me likes it that we keep them between us.” Oh? “Plus, I know how scary it can be talking in front of all those people. I almost shit myself first time I taught that class––”

You let out a surprised laughter and he couldn’t help laugh as well. 

“Shit, sorry! I mean––” He sighed, “Language, sorry. I’m British.” He shrugged, “Can’t help it.”

You shook your head, “It’s okay. Personally I think curse words spice up conversations.” You smiled proudly when he laughed at your joke. 

His smile radiated a more nervous energy after his laughter died off. “When you ran off yesterday, that wasn’t––was that because of me? Because if I did something to make you uncomfortable I’m so sorry.”

You tilted your head, trying to think of a way to explain. “No it wasn’t, well––it kind of was?” You had no idea why you would tell him this, but apparently your mouth was moving without agreeing with your mind first. 

There was almost a pout on his face and you had the sudden urge to reach over the table and smooth it out with your lips. “It’s just, well––You make me just a little bit nervous, to be honest professor.” You looked down at your lap and back up at him timidly.

He raised his brows, “Oh––”

Your smile was strained and you wanted nothing more than to be swallowed whole by the floor. 

“Well that’s not a bad thing, is it?” He looked at you almost, hopefully?

You laughed, “No trust me, it’s not.” Your eyes widened at the realization of what you’d basically just admitted to him and you didn’t know if you should feel embarrassed or relieved when the smirk appeared on his face.

But the words that he uttered next cleared that up for you. “Well, if I’m honest, you make me nervous too, darling. And definitely not in a bad way.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, almost teasing you with how good he looked.

You licked your lips, your mouth suddenly feeling dry, crossing your legs, your thighs squeezing together, and he definitely noticed, his eyes trailing down your body as he licked his lips as well. 

The tension in the room was so thick but you found that you didn’t want to escape it, if anything you wanted to carve your way through it, stay for as long as you could until it snapped. 

Your professor spread his legs, his hands coming down to rub at his thighs as he watched you and the sound of your heartbeat pounding filled your ears. It was almost as if there was an unseen force pulling the two of you together, but before it could there was a knock at the door. 

The both of your heads snapped to the door to find it opening slowly. Jacob, Tom’s teaching assistant popped his head in. You had talked to him a few times, he was always very nice. He didn’t attend every class, but you guessed that he would be attending the next one. “Hey man.” He turned to you and smiled, “Oh hi Y/N.” You waved and let out a small hi in response. He turned back to the professor. “Your next class is starting like––” He looked at his watch. “Now.” 

“Shit, sorry man. Lost track of time.” He got up and you did too, smiling sheepishly as you grabbed your things, getting up from your seat. “I’ll be right there.” Jacob nodded and closed the door.

You both made your way over to the exit slowly, still reeling from what maybe could have happened and what you both obviously thought of. The silence was loud around you, but it wasn’t scary this time. 

“Let me know if you need any help with the upcoming assignment, alright? Don’t be afraid to stop by if you need to.” His gaze dropped down to your lips for a split second before reaching your eyes again. “For anything.” He looked at you with an expression you couldn’t describe but quickly tried to mask it with a smile as he opened the door for you, his eyes practically holding yours captive. 

“Thank you, professor. I will.” 

You stepped out and he watched you for a few moments before closing the door. You looked back, smiling as you caught his eye and as soon as he stepped back in the office, you practically ran out of the building and to your dorm, a stupid grin on your face. 

“Holy shit.”

❊❊❊❊

When you practically burst into your dorm room, scaring Liz half to death before you told her what happened, let’s just say she wasn’t surprised in the slightest.

“I fucking told you!” She flopped onto her bed, still staring at you pointedly as she did so, a smirk on her face. She pointed at you before dropping her hand down dramatically by her side. “You like, owe me a soda now or something.” 

You rolled your eyes but you were so giddy the smile still hadn’t dropped from your face. “Well I do owe you for getting me lunch yesterday, so maybe I will buy you one.”

❊❊❊❊

Over the weekend, you started working on the essay for British Literature and you were already about halfway done since the topic you chose actually interested you. But you found yourself questioning if you were writing it properly as you went on. You weren’t sure if it was because you wanted it to be near perfect since you’d found out he paid extra attention to you, or maybe you just wanted to talk to him again––you’d never know. 

After discussing with Liz, you decided you’d stop by his office on Monday afternoon once you were done with your classes. You knew he liked to stay in his office until late at night sometimes, he always said we could stop by whenever, if we needed something. So you decided to take advantage of that, shoving down your anxious thoughts and doing what you wanted. 

Liz may or may not have convinced you to wear a shirt that was––aesthetically pleasing, to put it, specifically in the chest area so you were more than eager to see your professor’s reaction. You were a little nervous, you didn’t want it to seem like you were trying too hard, but you thought you looked good in this shirt, and you had a right to feel good about yourself. Since it was a little chilly outside, you hid it under a sweatshirt for now.

You got to his office and found yourself staring at the dark wood, hesitating to knock on. After taking a deep breath you rapped your knuckles against the door. 

You heard a faint Come in! And you took a deep breath and opened the door slowly to find him sitting at his desk, “Hi Professor Holland.” He was finishing some notes on a student’s essay but his head snapped up immediately at the sound of your voice.

He dropped his pen and sat up, “Please,” he motioned to the seat across from his desk and you smiled gratefully before settling down. “What can I do for you? Everything alright?”

His eyes looked sincere and concerned and you could feel your insides melting a little bit. 

“I just––I really want to do well on this essay,” He nodded for you to continue, “But I’m just not sure if I’m going in the right direction.”

 He nodded understandingly, “Well let’s have a look, shall we?”

You reached down to grab your things when he stood up and walked past you, your eyes following him in confusion. He gestured to the couch, a somewhat impish smile on his face. “Just thought it would be more comfortable––and easier for us to look together, of course.”

You nodded, a small smile on your face as you picked up your bag and sat next to him on the couch. “Right, of course.” It was a loveseat so there wasn’t much room for either of you to distance yourselves.

You got out your computer and opened up the essay. You had already opened it before you got there, not wanting to have to awkwardly wait for it to load. Yes, you overthought things but––it helped sometimes. “I see you came prepared,” he joked and you couldn’t help but smile. He really did notice everything, didn’t he.

“Well I’m really confident about the topic of my essay, I think it’s interesting. But I feel like I may be adding too much into the paper, and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking things or if I should take some things out.” 

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. I meant it when I said I appreciate having you in my class, you know. I always love reading your work. You write well.” 

“Thank you, professor.” Though you saw his eyes darken at the title, he commented on it.

“You can call me Tom when we’re alone, darling. No need for formalities.”

“But I like calling you professor––” Your hand shot up to cover your mouth and you spoke before he could, ignoring his smile, “I mean um. Tom––Okay I can try that.”

His tongue passed under his teeth, a devilish smirk on his face as he watched you squirm under his gaze. “No you know, now I think professor is growing on me.”

You pursed your lips, rolling your eyes. “Prof––Tom.”

He raised his hands in surrender, “Alright alright.” 

“Why don’t you read it to me? It’s easier to see where you can improve when you hear it out loud.”

You swallowed nervously, nodding your head as you brought your laptop closer to you. “O––Okay.”

You started reading your paper out loud, voice becoming slightly steadier as you went on, two fingers scrolling up the trackpad. He made comments as you read, only praise––and with each compliment you felt yourself getting hotter. Very good. Always write so well. Nice point there. Mhm. Good girl, that’s an excellent point. He shifted his way closer to you gradually as you read on and when his thigh touched yours, you had to tell yourself not to jump from the contact.  

He placed his arm on the back of the couch, basically around your shoulder and you had to smush down the urge to throw your computer and climb into his lap. His thighs did look very inviting with the way he was sitting, though. 

He moved closer to you and you could feel his breath cascading down over your shoulder as he brought his hand to the trackpad, his arm over your thigh, fingers scrolling through to where he had a few suggestions. 

When he finished his few remarks, you could hear the proud smile in his voice. “See, I knew it wouldn’t be as bad as you thought. You’re a good writer...” He paused and you turned your head slightly to find his lips mere inches from yours, his eyes trained on your mouth. His words were barely a whisper when he spoke up again, “A good student.” You both leaned in slowly and his hand came up to hold your cheek lightly. “Bet you’d be a good girl for me too.” 

You gasped lightly and leaned forward, giving in and finally pressing your lips to his, both your hands grabbing his jaw. He moaned immediately, his body pressing into yours as you twisted to face him, his other hand coming around your waist to pull you in. You felt your laptop slipping off your thighs and squeaked, making the both of you laugh and pull away, flustered. 

“Careful, love.” Tom grabbed the computer and put it down on the floor gently, confirming that you saved your work before pushing the lid closed. 

The air in the room was hot, thanks to Tom in general, but also thanks to what you just did. So you pulled away and couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Tom’s pout when he thought you were getting up to leave. Since there wasn’t much space on the couch, you stood up to take your hoodie off and you heard his breath hitch when his eyes fell upon the shirt you were wearing. “Christ-”

“Now what’s this?” Tom said almost to himself, his eyes staring at you in wonder and awe. “Never seen this little number before.” He noticed the clothes you wore? His hands were already aching to feel you again, reaching out for you subconsciously and you bit your lip to calm your smile as you sat back down, letting your sweater fall to the floor softly. 

“What, this old thing?” You joked, looking down at the shirt––yeah, you looked good. “You like it?” You looked up at him, a cheekily innocent look in your eyes.

He put his hands around your waist and pulled you into his lap, enjoying the gasp it elicited from you. You put your hands gingerly on his shoulders and the way he was looking up at you made you never want to leave this position ever again. You tilted your head and licked your lips and Tom couldn’t take it anymore, he kissed you again, hands gripping you firmly, anchoring you to him. He pulled away after a good while, wanting to look at you again, his lips parted, practically panting like an animal. You really had an effect on him, but he did the same to you. 

His eyes were taking you in, basically capturing a mental image for later. “God, you look heavenly, darling.” You squirmed in his lap and bit your lip when you felt a bulge growing underneath you. He leaned forward and left a trail of kisses on the tops of your breasts, leaving a few teasing nips and sucks here and there. You squealed, your hands coming up to run your fingers through his hair. You pulled his head up by his hair and the look in his eyes looked absolutely feral––like he wanted to eat you. 

You were about to lean in and kiss him again when a knock at the door surprised the both of you. You both jumped off of the couch as Tom threw out excuses. “Yeah just a second!” You straightened out your shirt as Tom did the same to his pants and you picked up your things. 

When he saw that you were settled, he took a deep breath and answered the door. His colleague and best friend Professor Osterfield, was standing there, a grin on his face. “You div, are you ever going to be on time for our monthly meetings?––” He stood up straight when he noticed you standing behind Tom. “Oh, I didn’t know you had company.” He looked between the two of you and it seemed as though he pieced everything together. Maybe Tom had told him about you? If he did, you wouldn’t be worried Tom didn’t seem like the type to tell unreliable people his business––and they were best friends after all.

You smiled at him in acknowledgement as moved aside to let you pass. “Sorry,” you looked between the both of them, “I’ll let you get to whatever you have to go to.” You looked at Tom once you were out of his office, “Thank you for the feedback, professor.”

You could see him fighting off his smirk before he replied, “Of course.” His stare was impenetrable as he looked at you, “Feel free to come by whenever.” You could see the hidden meaning in his words and let the hint of a smile show, before nodding and walking off.

Harrison looked at him, a pitiful smile on his face. “I hope you know what you’re doing, mate. You should be careful, for the both of you.”

Tom sighed, not wanting to have this conversation. “I know, man. Let’s go.” 

❊❊❊❊

You found yourself missing Tom as soon as you left. God, this was kind of pathetic. But at least your feelings weren’t necessarily one sided––he did say you made him nervous too after all. You doubt he’d say that if he just wanted to fuck you––he was better than most men. And sure you might be a little biased, but at the end of the day he had a good heart and he was educated. So bonus. 

When you stepped into your dorm, your roommate was sitting on her bed, snacks in hand as she looked at you expectantly. “Now these,” she gestured to the food on her bed, “are either for a story time, to rebuild your energy or both.” 

You laughed and changed into your pajamas, starting to tell your best friend about everything that just happened. She often interrupted with her reactions and comments.

Oh. My. God.

Shut. Up.

You’re fucking lying! 

“But we didn’t fuck.”

“Boo––”

“Yes, boo.” You laughed, “Professor Osterfield knocked at the door and dragged him off to a meeting so.” You shrugged.

“Professor Osterfield...is that the hot blond one?” You nodded and she continued expressing her feelings for the man. “I’d let him teach me a few things––”

“Literally bye.”

She laughed, “What? Come on have you seen him––”

“I’m a little preoccupied with another professor to be honest.”

She nodded, handing you a bag of chips as you settled in your bed. “True. And oh how lucky you are.” You smiled in agreement. 

❊❊❊❊

Today was the day the essay was due and though you normally handed it in at the beginning of class, for once, you didn’t and you could feel Tom’s gaze following you as you walked up the steps to your seat without so much as a glance in his direction. You’d stopped by his office a few times over the past two weeks since Harrison interrupted you, but you never did anything more than kissing and grinding. You were both too scared of getting caught, but that doesn’t mean you hadn’t thought about doing more in there.  

Tom liked to have physical copies of the essays, just in case technology decides it’s against him (his words), so everyone had until 8pm tonight to drop it off by his office. You were definitely going to use that to your advantage. 

You didn’t wear anything provocative to class, you didn’t really want that kind of attention today, plus you knew that Tom’s interest in you wasn’t solely based on your appearance. So you put the revealing items on under your clothing. And honestly, the thought that no one knew what you were wearing underneath it all only excited you even further. 

You crossed your legs, relieving your tension and biting your lip as class went on, enjoying how flustered Tom would be every time he looked at you. You felt so submissive when you were alone with him, but when you were in public like this? Free to tease him subtly from a distance? That’s where you had all the power. 

You had him blushing and stuttering throughout the whole class, though it wouldn’t have been easy for everyone else to notice, for you it was so obvious. He kept rubbing his hands together, pacing around as his eyes darted to you every few minutes. At one point he went over to sit down at his desk, which he rarely did while teaching––and you were fairly certain it was to hide a bulge in his pants. All thanks to you. 

In the middle of the class, you felt your phone vibrate in your bag and pulled it out just to see if it was an emergency. You were pleasantly surprised and could feel your whole body react when you noticed who the message was from.

Tom: Having fun, are you?

Your eyes shot up to the front of the room and you bit your lip to contain your smile when you noticed him glaring at you.

Y/N: I always have fun in this class, professor ;)

You put your phone away afterwards and focused on the class, knowing it was killing Tom that you weren’t giving him more attention. Your heart was racing and your panties had a wet patch by the time class was over. You had a feeling he was going to try to keep you after class, so you hurried up and gathered your things, sighing in relief when a few students went up to his desk to talk to him. 

You smirked to yourself and headed straight for the door, your head high on your shoulders. But just as you were about two feet from the exit, Tom spoke up. 

“I assume I’ll be seeing you later, Miss Y/L/N?”

You turned around, eyes slightly widening as you noticed him, the group of students near him.

He smirked slyly, “To turn in your paper, remember?” His eyes were giving you a knowing look.

You swallowed, nodding as you smiled at him innocently. “Of course, professor.” You enjoyed the way his eyes darkened only slightly, only noticeable to you. “See you then.” With that you walked out.

❊❊❊❊

You practically skipped to his office at around 7:45, before knocking at the door, four knocks in a specific pattern––the code you’d made together. 

“Come in, darling!”

You walked in and quickly shut the door, a chuckle escaping you. “You know someone could hear you from the outside one day, right?”

He shrugged, “I’ll just blame it on my accent. Could call everyone darling, they don’t know any better.”

You laughed. “Okay well––Professor Holland,” you said, loving the way he looked at you when you uttered his title. “I brought this for you.” You took out the printed essay and placed it on his desk.

He pushed his chair out, his eyes following your every move as he spread his legs. “Oh is that right?” 

You took the invitation and took your reserved seat in his lap, linking your arms around his neck as you looked down at him. “Mhm, still want a good grade in this class you know. You are my favorite professor after all.”

He smirked smugly, licking his lips. “And you,” he kissed your lips before pulling away briefly, “Are my favorite girl.” He brought his hands up your back and pulled you into him as he kissed you again. This time, longer and deeper, wanting to feel you as much as possible. “Teased me so much in class today.” You smiled into the kiss and he continued, “Almost wanted to take you over my knee right there in front of everyone.” 

You moaned audibly and he brought his hand up to your neck, gripping you softly but firmly, giving you room to pull away if you didn’t approve. When you leaned further into his grip, he grinned and pulled you closer. You started grinding down on him, basking in the desperate groans and sighs you were coaxing out of him, the way his movements became more frantic as he bucked into you. 

After debating with yourself in your head for a moment––struggling to think properly with his hands all over you, you got off of his lap and smiled at the small whines of protest he let out before reaching for his belt. You made eye contact with him and noticed how wide his eyes were, hopeful, hungry, but hesitant. 

His hands reached for yours, “You don’t have to, darling. If anything I should be doing this first. God knows I’ve thought about it.”

You pouted, trying your best to ignore his words and focus on the task at hand. “But I want to,” you kissed his cheek, “I wanna make you feel good, professor.” He nodded, barely able to speak.

“Yeah? You wanna be a good girl for me?” 

You nodded eagerly, licking your lips as he pulled himself out of his trousers. “More than anything. Wanna make up for earlier.” You got down on your knees, mouth practically salivating at the way his member stood tall against his abdomen, his tip leaking with precum. 

Your hand wrapped around him just as a knock sounded at the door. Professor?

The both of your eyes widened, the both of you looking around for some sort of answer before he ushered you under the desk, tucking himself back in hastily, pulling his chair as much as he could and sitting at the edge, hiding his unbuttoned and unbuckled pants. Luckily for the both of you, the back of the desk reached the floor, so whoever it was wouldn’t be able to see you hiding underneath. “Uh––Come in!”

The person walked in and you recognized the sound of her voice, she often spoke up in the lectures. You couldn’t remember her name, though. You do, however, remember that she often spoke up only to get Tom’s attention. You’d heard her gush about him in the halls just outside his class in the hopes of him hearing her. You couldn’t blame her, but the thought still irked you. “I just wanted to give you my paper. I hope it’s not too late.” 

Tom checked the time on his watch, 7:58. “Nope,” he laughed breathlessly, trying to compose himself, “Not too late at all, in fact just in time.” 

She handed her paper to Tom and he gave her a tight-lipped smile, trying his best not to think about the fact that your hands were trailing up his thighs and that he could feel your warm breath hitting the exposed part of his member––he really hadn’t payed attention when he tucked himself back in. 

Before he could send the girl who’s name you still hadn’t remembered off, she took a seat across from him and he swallowed nervously, a little frustrated since he was so close to getting his cock in his girl’s mouth. 

It seemed that you somehow read his thoughts because as soon as the girl kept talking for another two minutes, you pulled his member out and stroked him, licking up his shaft and he tensed, taking every ounce of self control he had not to look down at you. His hand reached down and held your cheek gently, just wanting to feel you. You nuzzled into his palm and he had to bite his lip to suppress his smile, not wanting the student across from him to think his endearing expression was meant for her. 

You honestly completely tuned out all the words she was saying, your sole focus pleasuring Tom. But you didn’t miss the flirty and falsely innocent tone in her voice. You couldn’t see her but she was no doubt batting her eyelashes at him as well. 

When she made a comment about how good his shirt looked on him, you couldn’t help yourself, you sucked his tip into your mouth with no warning, making him groan unexpectedly. You paused, eyes wide and playful as your mouth stayed around him.

“Are you okay professor?” 

He let out a strained smile, “Yes, Emma, Sorry––” So her name was Emma. “I just uh banged my knee on the desk.”

She hummed a small okay and went on.

He caught your eye, trying his best to keep his expression neutral, but boy was it hard. Especially when you were looking up at him like that, with his cock in your mouth. You licked around his tip and lowered your mouth around him and he had to force himself to focus on the girl who was still talking to him.

You were not playing fair but quite frankly you didn’t care. You were making him feel good and yourself too. Your hand was pumping him, your tongue swirling around him as quietly as you could, while your other hand found its place between your thighs. 

In the middle of Emma’s speech, Tom’s eyes drifted down and widened, his breath getting caught in his throat when he noticed your other hand, moving between your legs. He stuttered out an excuse, unable to tear his eyes away from you for a moment, “Uh, Emma I’m so sorry––I just have so much work to do, but feel free to come back––” he paused to swallow when you sucked harder around him in reaction to his invitation. “Come back next week if you have any problems or anything else you’d like to discuss.”

She hesitantly but respectfully said goodbye and was on her way, closing the door behind her.

Tom’s hands immediately shot down to hold your head, his mouth dropped open as he watched you, approaching his high. “Shit, that’s it darling that’s it. So fucking good for me.”

“I’m gonna cum––” he warned. You simply hummed around him and sped up your movements, feeling yourself clench as he panted, his hips bucking slightly as he came into your mouth. You unfortunately weren’t able to cum but you were sure there’d be other chances. You popped off of him and swallowed his load before licking up his length teasingly slow. “Fuck, such a good girl.”

He pulled his chair out and brought you up to stand between his legs, tiling his head to look up at you, his hands rubbing up and down the backs of your thighs absentmindedly. “Was someone a little jealous?”

You shrugged, trying to act nonchalant but failing to fix your annoyed facial expression. “Maybe.”

He tucked himself back into his pants and stood up, chuckling as he squeezed your cheek. “I’m yours.” He pecked your lips, before looking in your eyes, “And I’m most definitely repaying the favor when we get home. I mean––if you want to, of course.” Home. 

You couldn’t help but smile, “Yeah––Okay.” 

You’d never been to Tom’s house before so this felt like sort of a big deal to you, but you were going to try and calm your racing thoughts and heart. You and Tom agreed that you would go around the corner of the building for him to pick you up in his car, not wanting to risk anyone seeing you.

As soon as you were settled in, seatbelt on, Tom drove off and honestly the thrill of having to hide was exciting to the both of you. His hand was gripping your thigh throughout the whole drive and you could tell it was meant as a reminder that he was there for you, but also that he could barely contain himself. 

Seeing Tom drive you, the flashing street lights illuminating his face, highlighting his jawline, his hand gripping your thigh––this was a sight you knew you wanted to see more. The intimacy of it all made you warm inside and the feeling of Tom’s fingertips digging into your skin only riled you up further.

You leaned over to kiss his cheek and he smiled at the feeling of your soft lips drifting over his skin. “Darling––” His words were cut off by a harsh moan when you trailed your lips down to his sweet spot, the noise almost too loud for the quiet, tense air in the car.

You teased, licked and bit at his skin, not afraid to leave marks. It was Friday now, if anyone saw them on Monday, they would just assume he’d had an eventful weekend. Honestly, the thought that no one would know that you were the one who left those marks excited you––it would be a secret between you and Tom, a thing for the two of you to share on your own.

Tom’s hands were now gripping the wheel and your thigh with force, trying to get his bearings. “You’re being very naughty today, love. Can’t say that I don’t love it though.”

You smiled sinfully into his neck, continuing your actions. Your hand slid over his thigh teasingly slow to rest on his bulge, fingers squeezing ever so softly and he practically jolted in his seat. “Christ––love unless you want me to crash this car I suggest you stop.”

You pulled away, satisfied with how much you’d riled him up. He almost whined at the loss of contact, subconsciously upset that you’d actually stopped. But as your hand reached back down to find its place between your thighs, his tone shifted. 

“Don’t you dare touch what’s mine. That’s my job.”

You actually felt a shiver pass through your body and you squeezed your thighs together at the sound of his dominant voice, excited for what was to come.

When you made it to his apartment, you barely had time to take in the scenery and take off your shoes and jackets before he dragged you to his room. But from what you saw, the decor was simple but elegant, much like Tom. His bedroom was the same, but again, you weren’t too focused on it.

He turned on the dim light in his room, wanting to be able to see you as he pleased you. He stepped closer to you and placed his hands on your waist, looking deep into your eyes. “You still want this?” 

You nodded absolutely certain. “Want you to take me.”

His pupils dilated and he pulled your shirt up and over your head, licking his lips, eyes widening when he noticed what you were wearing and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Christ, were you wearing this all day?” 

You nodded again. “The underwear’s matching too. Wanna see?”

He got down on his knees, a teasing but desperate tone to his voice. “You’re a smart girl, don’t ask stupid questions.” He unbuttoned your pants and pulled them down along with your socks, mouth dropping open as he got to see the full set. 

You ran your hands up and down your body teasingly as he stood up. “Do you like it?”

He shook his head, smiling in disbelief, “Again with the silly questions, love.” He leaned in to kiss you, pulling away to take off his clothes. “You look like a goddess, darling.” You could feel your skin heating up from his words and his stare. He pulled you in for another kiss before bringing you onto the bed.

You lied down in the middle and spread your legs, waiting for him eagerly as he lied down between them. “Can’t fucking wait to taste you, love.” 

He pulled your panties over to the side and licked into you, his tongue softly swiping through your folds. His eyes rolled back as he moaned into you, “Taste just as perfect as you look.” He slid his hands around your thighs and pulled you in closer, smiling at the small squeak you let out.

His tongue was exploring you, finding all the spots and all the tricks that made your toes curl and your breath hitch. He was keeping this all to memory, memorizing the way you feel, the way you look. When your breaths quickened and your fingers tugged at his curls, he locked his arm around your stomach, slid one, then two fingers inside of you and sped up his movements, moving his head from side to side as he hummed onto your clit. 

Your body tensed and you held onto him for dear life as the knot in your stomach gave out, the pleasure spreading all throughout your body. Your mouth dropped open in ecstasy, your neck craning back and Tom couldn’t look away from you. You looked like a painting and he wanted to commit it to memory. 

He let go of you and kissed his way up your body, soothing you with his lips. Your legs were still twitching slightly, your stomach clenching and unclenching when his kisses reached your cheek. “Look so pretty when you come for me.” He kissed along your jaw, “Can’t believe you’ve deprived me of such a beautiful sight for so long.” He kissed your lips and tugged your bottom one between his teeth, before looking at you, eyes wide, “You gonna give me the privilege of seeing it again?” 

You smiled, your hands coming up to hold his cheeks. “You can see it whenever you want. As long as you’re the one making it happen.” You pulled him to you and kissed him, the both of you moaning into the small gaps between your mouths. 

He started to pull away but you whined and pulled him back making him smile. “I’ve gotta get a condom, love.”

He tried to get up again but you pulled him back down, “M’on the pill Tommy.” You looked up at him, pouting and he almost gasped––the effect you had on him was insane. “Just fuck me please.”

He didn’t need anymore convincing, grabbing a hold of his cock and swiping it through your folds, groaning out loud at how good your wetness felt. You bucked your hips and realizing you were getting desperate, he finally slid into you and all your senses immediately tuned into him. 

Just like your dream––All of your senses were in overdrive. All you could feel were the hands tracing every curve of your body, playing you like a toy they’d made themselves. All you could hear was that sweet, rough voice telling you praises and calling you endearing names as your whole body shivered from the pleasure. 

His eyes were watching your face, taking you in as he thrusted into you, making sure you were enjoying everything he was giving you. You felt absolutely amazing and so did he. “So perfect for me, darling. That’s it.” He bit his lip and sped up, making your jaw drop as you stared into his eyes, completely open and vulnerable to him. His touch was tantalizing, even better than your fantasies which only meant you’d become more addicted to him and what he could do to you.

He grunted, angling his hips when he found your spot, hitting it over and over, bringing his hand down to play with your clit. “Told you I wanted to see you cum again, pretty girl. So you’re gonna cum then I’m gonna fill you up. That sound okay?”

You nodded eagerly, eyes watching his every move as your hands gripped his arms, your thighs burning invitingly as they stretched around him with every thrust. Then you uttered that one word that always had him almost inappropriately weak for you. “Want to be full of you, professor.”

His jaw slacked and he paused for a slight moment before picking up his pace, faster than before, hips chasing after both your highs, fingers still rubbing you just the way he learned, just the way you liked. “Fuck-–”

A few more thrusts and flicks of his wrist and you were tensing under him, your pussy clenching around him as he let out broken curses and moans, losing his rhythm and releasing into you with a groan. 

He rested some of his weight on you for a moment, the both of you smiling and laughing breathlessly as you took in the moment. Your hands came up to play with his curls and he sighed, leaning into your touch. He lowered his head into the crook of your neck and left a few soft kisses, coaxing some sighs from you as well.  

After a moment, he rolled over and took you with him, making you nuzzle further into him, his arm wrapped around you, your leg slung over his waist. His hand was rubbing up to your ass and down to your thigh, lulling you to sleep while simultaneously riling you up again. 

He kissed your forehead and you kissed his chest in response. “That was fucking amazing, love.”

You nodded and hummed in agreement, “Even better than my dreams.”

He pulled back to look at you, you could hear his heartbeat quicken and you tried to hide your face in his chest. “You had dreams about this too?”

That made you lift your head up to look at him. You could see in his eyes that he wasn’t joking but you were still slightly shocked. “Too?”

He smiled, licking his lips, “Well maybe we should discuss them, and try them out for ourselves.” His hand found its way between your legs again, making you moan but that didn’t stop you from responding.

You nodded, “For research purposes, of course.”

“Of course.” He grinned, “See, I knew I taught you well.” He leaned in to kiss you deeply, “My girl’s the perfect student.” 

You spent hours exploring each other's bodies as you reenacted your dreams, both exceeding each other's expectations every time. By the time you fell asleep in each other's arms, it was late at night and you were sweaty, and tired, but overwhelmingly pleased.

❊❊❊❊

The next Friday, it was halloween. Liz had somehow convinced you to go to a halloween party with her. On top of that it was a frat party. And even worse, you dressed up as a school girl because it was all last minute and you didn’t have any time to get a costume. 

“Oh come on Y/N, you look hot!”

You turned in the full length mirror to look at your ass that was almost visible in this mini skirt. “You think so?”

“Duh.”

And that’s all the convincing you needed to go out. You needed a little college fun. You hadn’t been to a party in who knows how long because you were always focusing on your work. You deserved this. Also Liz said it was a celebration of your “lay”, yes, she said lay. 

“I’m just saying you cannot let me get with him again.”

“Liz it’s literally his frat house that we’re going to and we both know you have little to no self control.”

“Well damn. You couldn’t have sugar coated it?”

“What, you want me to throw a packet of splenda on you?” You joked.

She shoved you, “Dude shut up,” she laughed.

You looked down at your bare thighs that were only partly covered by your thigh high socks and rubbed your arms, regretting not bringing a jacket when Liz spoke up again. “Oh shit, is that Professor Holland?”

Your eyes shot up and made direct eye contact with him. He was wearing a hoodie and some sweats but he still looked great as usual. His eyes trailed down your body and soon your shivers were no longer because of the cold. 

“I’ll just wait here.” Liz said suggestively and you walked over to Tom. 

“H–Hi.”

He put his hands in his pockets to stop himself from reaching out to touch you, he didn’t know who was around. “Well hello to you too.” He looked into your eyes, a smirk on his face. You rubbed your arms quickly for warmth, and Tom had to control himself to not look at your chest, even though he could see your nipples hardening from the weather through your shirt. He wanted nothing more than to hold you in his arms and take you home. 

“Any plans?” You asked.

“No, I'm just about to go home. I’m uh guessing you have somewhere to be?” His eyes traced your figure again.

“Yeah um me and Liz are going to a frat party.” You pointed back to your friend and gave him a small smile and shrug. “She convinced me.”

He wanted to kiss you so bad but he had to restrain himself.

“Be safe tonight, yeah?” His eyes were comforting, as they always were, but this felt almost more personal? Almost like he didn’t want you to go. And honestly, after seeing him, you almost didn’t want to either. You never defined your relationship with him, so honestly right now he was like a friend with benefits––professor with benefits, if you will. 

You nodded, licking your lips nervously. “O––Okay. I will. You be safe too!”

His eyes followed you as you walked off, your friend pulling you along, obviously whispering to you, probably about him. You looked so fucking good and everyone else was going to see that too. It’s not like he owned you or anything, but part of him really wished he could claim you, openly care for you and be affectionate. His thoughts were a mix of wholesome and raunchy and he had no idea how to act.

He almost felt wrong but he couldn’t get the thoughts out of his mind, the way you looked up at him sheepishly, the innocent look in your eyes while you were wearing that mini skirt. His cock was bulging in his boxers ever since he first laid eyes on you. When he got home, he made his way to his bed, undressing almost immediately. Lying down in the middle of the bed, just where you were days before brought a flood of memories into his mind, only making his member throb even more. He tugged at his cock, spitting in his hand to make it slick.

Images of you were flashing in his mind as he sped up his movements, desperate for a release. 

He was dying to get a taste of you again. The memory of the way you felt under his fingertips, the way your muscles clenched when he hit the right spots. The way you tasted when you were dripping onto his tongue. The way you looked at him when you came, your lips parted to release broken moans and whimpers. The way your fingers gripped his curls as your body tensed. It was all enough to make him spill over his hand, his breaths coming out in quick pants as his head dropped back onto the pillow.

“Fuck.” He really had it bad for you. 

❊❊❊❊

Tom had texted you during class on Tuesday to meet him in his office when you were done with classes for the day. When you stepped into the room, he locked the door immediately, bringing you over to his desk, his lips chasing yours. Screw worrying about people hearing you, he wanted you. Now. 

“God, just seeing you in that tight little costume––you have no idea how badly I wanted to ravish you. The thought of all those dumb frat boys seeing you in all your glory like that––I was absolutely beside myself.” So that’s what this was about. His hand came up to hold your cheek, his eyes fiercely staring into yours and you nuzzled into his touch, your hand holding his wrist softly and his eyes softened at the sight of you.

“I’m gonna absolutely devour you.” You gasped and he smiled, pulling your pants along with panties down. He sat you down on his desk and got down on his knees, licking his lips. “As soon as I got a taste of you, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go without it ever again.” He kissed your thigh, looking up at you. “You gonna let me have a taste again? Wanna make you feel good, lovie.”

You nodded, swallowing roughly, “Y––Yeah. Yes please.”

He chuckled breathlessly, “Such a polite little thing you are.” He kissed his way from your inner thigh to your center before licking a torturously slow stripe from your hole to your clit. You let out a sigh and gripped the desk, your fingertips becoming lighter at how hard you were already holding it.

His hands held your thighs open, putting them over his shoulders, holding you in place. His tongue was languidly licking you up and down, savoring your taste and your moans, coaxing them out of you one by one, nonstop. He looked up at you and your breath got caught in your throat, the look in his eyes fierce, almost as if he could see your bare soul and he clearly liked what he saw. He brought his lips to close around your heat after every other swipe of his tongue, passionately kissing your heat. 

“So fucking good, angel. Always the best for me.”

You nodded, licking your lips, one of your hands coming to grab at his curls, making him growl into you. “Only for you, Tommy.”

He didn’t stop his tongue or his lips until you came, your back arching, fingers frantically grabbing for whatever you could hold, lip trapped between your teeth to muffle the moans that so desperately wanted to escape into the quiet air of the room. He kept going until you had to pull his head away from you, overwhelmed by all the pleasure and scared that you would scream and alert everyone in the building about what you were up to.

His hands were caressing your thighs, eyes looking at you in awe, almost too innocently for what you’d just done. He stood up between your legs and leaned in to kiss you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue and his lips. 

He pulled away to look at you, hands holding your hips as your legs wrapped around his waist. You brought your arms up to link around his neck, looking up at him appreciatively and absolutely spent. “So do you think I should wear school girl outfits more often?”

He laughed, his hands holding you tighter, “If you do, my head is never leaving between your thighs.”

You smiled cheekily, batting your lashes at him. “Promise?”

He’d never gotten down on his knees quicker in his life. Let’s just say it took you another hour before you left his office.

 ❊❊❊❊

Over the past few weeks it had become a routine for you to go over to Tom’s office to seemingly “work on your assignments and review,” so it wasn’t out of the ordinary for you to show up unannounced Friday afternoon. Without meaning to, though, it seemed you showed up a little too early, and ended up overhearing part of Tom and Harrison’s conversation. 

“I can tell Y/N means a lot to you, mate. Don’t lie.” Your heart dropped to your stomach as you skidded just in front of the door, about to turn the corner inside. You backed up and stayed pressed to the wall. Luckily no one really stopped by this side of the building at this time on a Friday, so no one would find you snooping around in the middle of the hallway. 

“No I just––”

No. He said no––Okay you weren’t going to freak out. This always happens in the movies, and then the main character runs away before hearing the most important part and they overreact. So you decided to just...wait it out. 

So you waited and waited. And the more the silence overwhelmed you, the louder it got. You could feel the tears starting to form in your eyes because you really thought your feelings were mutual. But just as you inched your foot backwards to walk away, he spoke up again, his voice quiet. 

“She means everything to me, man. I––It scares me, honestly. I just don’t want to mess it up.” 

This time the tears fully formed in your eyes, but for the absolute opposite reason. You smiled and wiped at your eyes, not even bothering to hide anymore as you turned the corner, surprising Tom, his eyes widening as he took in your appearance. Harrison turned around to see you and his gaze filled with concern as well. 

“Tom––” your voice was quiet but there was a smile on your face. 

“Darling––” He rushed over to you and grabbed your hands, wiping your cheeks with his thumbs to catch the few tears that escaped. “What’s wrong, are you alright?”

Your hands came up to hold his wrists as you looked into his eyes, “I heard you talking.” 

His face dropped in realization and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. 

Harrison cleared his throat and subtly made his way out, “You guys have some things to discuss.” He put a hand on your shoulder and you both smiled at each other appreciatively before he walked out, shutting the door behind him. 

Tom took your hands and brought you over to the couch. “I hope I didn’t scare you off, love.”

You shook your head immediately, even climbing in his lap to prove him wrong and he smiled gratefully. “No! It’s just that we never really talked, you know, about us.” He nodded and you took that as a sign to continue, enjoying the way his hands subconsciously slipped under your shirt to rub at your skin soothingly. “I like you Tom, obviously. But I like you a lot.” You linked your hands behind his neck. “I think I might be falling for you.”

His eyes started tearing up as well, as he smiled, “Yeah well, I think I’ve already fallen for you, darling.” 

You looked into his eyes and your smile brightened, “Okay maybe I lied––I’ve definitely already fallen for you as well.”

You both laughed lovingly, pulling each other in for a sweet kiss.“Look,” Tom started, licking his lips. “I don’t know what this means for our future, but all I know is I don’t plan on letting you go any time soon.” 

You kissed his lips softly, “Well I don’t plan on leaving any time soon either.” 

“Good.” He looked at you and you felt as though your soul was out and open for him to hold and love. “Cause you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Y/N and I don’t ever want to lose you.” 

You could feel your eyes tearing up again. This felt good. This felt like home.

[randomshyperson]

The Scarlet Witch Prophecy - The Fourth Year (Part I) - Chapter 04

Series Masterlist ||  Read on AO3 || All Works Masterlist

Summary: As the youngest daughter of Howard Stark, you have ordinary expectations for your years at Hogwarts. Little do you know what adventures await you when your destiny is intertwined with the legendary Scarlet Witch.

Warnings: +16. Adaptation of the Harry Potter Saga, Magical Thematic, Prophecies, Mentions of Violence, Torture and dark magic, Language (swearing and minor/major offenses), manipulation of will, Underage kissing, insinuation of smut with minors, Smut (overage), descriptions of death, aggression, obscurity, angst, fluffy, soulmates analogies.

Chapter Words:  9.832K

Authors note: In this one I start to explore more of the magical bond between reader and wanda, and well, it will be very much about that from this one on. I need to know if you all prefer longer (and more detailed) chapters about the reader's years at hogwarts like this one (which has been divided into three parts) or if you prefer the pace of the first three chapters (with only the relevant events of the whole year). Enjoy your reading.

//-// x //-// //-// x //-//

It's very different having Nebula and Gamora at home. 

You were used to having only Tony and Jarvis, and occasionally your father, but now that you have your friends sleeping in the next two rooms, you always have someone your own age to talk to and laugh about the same things.

It took a while for things to normalize, especially the first week. Thanos was furious about the letter that Gamora sent him, saying that they would live with you now. He showed up in the yard of your house the next day, and you have never seen your father so enraged.

They talked for many minutes, and then Thanos demanded to speak to his daughters. Nebula was trembling as she walked out the door, but your father stayed by their side during the entire conversation.

When they went back inside, Thanos left. Two days later, your father signed the adoption papers.

You were surprised when you discovered that Nebula was as passionate about magical mechanics as Tony, so it didn't take long for it to become commonplace for her to disappear into the basement of the house along with your brother, both of them wrapped up in some strange invention. You and Gamora usually spent most of your time in the backyard, she reading some Arithmanian stuff you didn't understand, while you played quidditch, or the two of you tended the garden. Mantis also came to visit you in the summer, and Groot was the size of a small dog now.

You exchanged many letters with Wanda during the vacations. And when Iron brought another one of them a little after dinner, on the antepenultimate week of vacation while you and Gamora were in your room talking about the coming year, she acquired a mischievous look on her face.

"What do you guys talk about so much?" She teased as you took the letter from Iron's beak. You shrugged, feeling your face heat up, and thought it better to look at the paper in your hands than Gamora's face.

“I don’t know,. Everything i think”. You answer.

Gamora is silent as you read the letter. You smile, because it is as if you hear Wanda's voice in the words you read. 

"Can I ask you something?" Gamora speaks next, you make a noise with the little one in agreement, without taking your eyes off the paper. "Have you ever kissed anyone?

"What?" you ask in surprise, raising your eyes to her. "N-no."

Gamora's arms are crossed and she's sitting on the bed, and she raises her eyebrow in disbelief.

"Is that so?" She asks and you swallow dryly, confirming. Her expression softens. "I'm only saying that because a lot of people start dating in third grade."

You close the letter in your hands, placing it on the shelf beside you. Ignoring how the subject makes your stomach flip with nervousness, you rest your hands on your knee.

"Do you think we'll start dating too?" You ask shyly, and Gamora smiles, shrugging.

"Who knows?" She retorts. "I never thought about that either. But I do know that Pietro kissed Monica on the mouth after our leave vacation inside a cabin on the Hogwarts express."

"Are you for real?" You asked in surprise. "How did you find out about that?"

"Quill wrote to me last night." She says. "I forgot to tell you."

"Wow." You say. 

"Yeah." She agrees. "Peter told me that Pietro turned red as a tomato, but kept smiling. I thought Wanda would tell you that."

You bit your tongue to avoid mentioning that you and Wanda don't talk about such things, and cleared your throat before shrugging.

"Maybe Pietro didn't say anything to her." You say. "I probably won't tell Tony when I have my first kiss."

"You're probably right." Gamora said casually. "But you're going to tell me, right? When you kiss someone, you need to tell me how to do it."

You laughed, walking over to Gamora.

"I promise I will." You say extending your pinky to her. She looks at you confused, "It's a pinky promise, haven't you ever sworn like that?"

"That's muggles' stuff." She comments with a smile, and you laugh.

"Yeah, my dad probably learned it from my mom." You say using your other hand to take Gamora's hand. "Come on, you put your finger like this, and then we swear."

Gamora laughed as she followed your commands, and then you repeated the promise. After you yawned, she bade you goodnight and went to her room.

You fought the urge to reread Wanda's letter, and threw yourself on the bed, not understanding why your brain was replaying Gamora's questions in your mind and you kept thinking of Wanda afterwards.

//-//

The Quidditch World Cup is happening this year, and you can hardly contain yourself with excitement.

You had been to the event a few times when you were younger, but now that you actually played quidditch it was a very different feeling.

Your favorite team was the Guardians of the Galaxy, who had played for England for many years, and were also your father's favorite team. Tony stopped liking them the first year, saying that they were losing too many games, but you knew it was because Steve Rogers was rooting for the Brooklyn Soldiers team and Tony was trying to impress him.

All your friends will be at the event, including many thousands of other witches from all over the world. 

You have to wake up at dawn in order not to miss the time of the portal keys that have been scattered around the country by the Ministry of Magic, to prevent wizards from being seen disappearing into inappropriate places that could expose the magical world.

When you came down to the kitchen, everyone was already having breakfast. Your father kissed your forehead as he walked past you, a mug of coffee in one hand and a newspaper in the other.

"Finally awake, sleepyhead." Teased Tony when he saw you, you just yawned. 

"Are we leaving already?" You asked sleepily, grabbing some toast.

"Yes, dear." Her father replied looking at his watch. "Get ready soon, or we'll miss the schedule."

You grumble in agreement, hurrying to get back to your room and take a shower. 

When you are ready, and stretching as you walk to the outside of the house, Gamora joins you, a backpack on her back resembling yours.

"I can't wait to see the foreign wizards." She comments excitedly making you smile. Gamora didn't like the sport, and was far more excited to see the witches from the rest of the world than to watch the match.

"I bet there's going to be some Ilvermorny people's stall." You say as you catch up with your father, who was waiting next to Tony and Nebula. Jarvis waves goodbye to you from the doorway, and you begin walking toward the trail beyond the mansion grounds. "They are so show-offy."

Gamora laughs.

"I've never met anyone from the United States." She counters. "But some witches from Japan have been to my house."

You know that the mention of home or Thanos makes Gamora very uncomfortable, so you try to skirt around the subject.

"I guess Nurse Cho was from Mahoutokoro, huh?" You comment, and Gamora shrugs. "Thor had mentioned that during a class, I think."

"I wonder if the other schools are cool like Hogwarts?" She asks, and you smile.

"No place is like Hogwarts."

Gamora laughs, but agrees. You walk in silence for a few more minutes, and it is only when you reach an empty area that you stop.

"Here we are, people." Your father says next, slightly tired from the exercise. He waves for everyone to form a circle as he checks his watch. "Two minutes to go, children. Stand in position please."

There is a small cloth boot in the center of the circle, and you are not the least bit surprised because you know that portal keys are usually the most mundane things you can think of.

You all reach down and touch the boot with your fingertips. You smile at Tony who looks up at you. Two minutes later, you feel a tug, and everything spins around you. Taking a deep breath, you focus on controlling yourself as you are falling into the portal key. And then you land on the ground.

"Here we are." Your father says smiling beside you. You look to the side to see Gamora helping Nebula to stand up properly, as she had remarked that she gets a little queasy with this kind of magic. Tony throws an arm around your shoulders next.

"Ready to see the guardians lose, kid?" He teases causing you to let out a humorless laugh.

"You wish." You grumble pushing Tony lightly, who lets go as he laughs.

And then you start walking again, until you come to a place considerably noisier than where you were before.

The ministry seemed to have bypassed an area with low chains, and you notice the magical aura around the metal, signaling that everything was magically hidden.

There is a wizard in uniform at the entrance, and he collects the tickets before letting you pass into the hut area. 

There are many tents of the most varied characteristics. You laugh in surprise when your gaze catches a conjuration exactly like a vacation castle, but much smaller in size. As you walk through the crowd, your father asks everyone to hold hands so as not to get lost as he guides you to the area where you would be staying.

Your father has rented a tent in a more private area of the place, and there are hardly any witches where you are. You like the silence, but you miss how much more fun the other place seems.

"The Rogers and the Barnes should be here by now I imagine." Your father comments as he waves his wand to open the cabin. You enter the room next, it is like a small winter home inside, very cozy.

"Yes, dad." Tony replies throwing his backpack on one of the couches. "I wrote Steve last night."

Howard grumbles in agreement, walking to the kitchen. You place your backpack on the floor next.

"Daddy, can I go look for Wanda and Pietro?" You ask and your father laughs, denying it.

"You didn't eat anything before you left, honey." He says turning around. "Eat something and then you can go look for them."

You grumble, but agree. While you are making some eggs, Steve's family arrives.

"Howard, you outdo yourself every year, my friend." Joseph Rogers comments as he enters the cabin. Your father smiles cheerfully as he hugs him in greeting, then greets Sarah, Steve's mother, with a kiss on the cheek. He ruffles Steve's hair and pats his arm, repeating the same gesture to Bucky, who follows behind.

" Is your father not here, James?" Howard asks next, and Bucky clears his throat.

"No, sir." He replies. "Since my sisters can't come, he took them to a music event in the muggle world. If you want my opinion, rock concerts are as cool as quidditch."

The comment makes Howard laugh in agreement, but Steve's family doesn't seem to understand very well.

Soon they were all around the room, talking animatedly about the most varied subjects. You exchanged a complicit look with Gamora and Nebula, and you took advantage of your father being involved in a conversation with Joseph to leave the cabin.

"Do you have any idea where Professor Lehnsherr has placed the tents?" Gamora asks you once you are outside and you look around.

"No." You reply. "Wanda just wrote that she and Pietro were going to be here too, but I don't even know if it's Magneto that's bringing them."

"We're just left to look then." Nebula concludes and you nod in agreement, starting to walk.

You walk back to the common tent area, looking around.

Gamora and Nebula are easily distracted by the amount of interesting things to see, and almost lose track of you when some witches from the Salem Institute hand them some exchange pamphlets. 

It is only at the food stall that you finally find who you were looking for.

"My god, is that...?" You hear Gamora exclaim next to you in surprise. You know she was talking about Professor Lehnsherr, who is wearing jeans and a T-shirt and sunglasses and looks very well, and has a completely different posture than he usually has in class, but you are not looking at him anymore. 

Your stomach is restless because you are looking at Wanda, wearing a black skirt with knee socks and boots, and a red jacket. She looks beautiful, and you are blushing.

Gamora waves to them from a distance, and it is Pietro who notices you guys first, waving back cheerfully while nudging Wanda on the shoulder. She blinks in confusion and then smiles when she sees you.

You think your legs have turned to jelly, but you continue walking toward her. 

"It's so good to see you girls" Pietro exclaims happily as he hugs Gamora. 

"Hi, Wanda." You greet with a half-hearted smile, but Wanda's face lights up and she jumps at you, hugging you tight, and making your heart soar. "It's good to see you too." You whisper humorously against her hair, and Wanda releases you with a reddened face, smiling widely.

"I missed you." She says to you shyly making you look away clumsily, but before you can add anything else, Pietro is greeting you as well, and Wanda does the same with your sisters.

"Hello everyone." Said a male voice next, and you stared at Professor Erik awkwardly. He didn't seem bothered by being approached by any of you, however, a hot dog in his hands. 

"Hello, Professor Lehnsherr." You and your sisters said in unison, but the man had an almost friendly expression. 

"Don't worry about being formal while we're here, girls." He says. "We're just sorcerers in here, looking for a little cheap entertainment."

You and Gamora exchange a look, not knowing exactly what to say next. Professor Erik sighs, and then looks at his children.

"You can go spend some time with the Starks, twins." He says making his kids let out excited exclamations. "Be back by the start time of the match, please. I don't want to lose sight of you in a place with so many people of unreliable origin."

You don't quite understand what "unreliable origin" means, but you don't question it, excited to spend some time with the Maximoffs.

After Erik gives them a few galleons to buy whatever snacks they want, you walk back to the cabin.

//-//

You spent the whole afternoon with all your friends in the cabin, playing magical games, practicing simple spells, and trying to guess the outcome of the match. When the first warning alarm sounded, you all let out a chorus of excitement.

You ran to your room, looking for the cheerleader accessories you had obtained, while ignoring the teasing Tony was throwing at you about the opponent team's sure victory.

He and the Rogers were all wearing blue and white scarves, bracelets and hats, which represented the colors of the Brooklyn Soldiers.

Your father was wearing a big red jacket with the symbol of a gold star, the team's mark. You gave him one of the buttons you brought.

Pietro was also rooting for the Soldiers, along with Nebula and Bucky, so you didn't try to lend any of your accessories to them.

Wanda was in the room when you put a blue scarf with gold accents around her neck.

"For you to support the team." You commented excitedly, without any idea that Wanda's flushed face was because the scarf smelled like you.

"Thanks." She said shyly, and you just nodded, holding some bottons on her shirt.

Gamora borrowed one of the hats you brought.

When you walked towards the stadium area, all the other spectators were leaving their tents and tents and going in the same direction, so the crowd was even bigger. You did your best not to get lost.

Once inside the iron structure, you felt someone nudge your shoulder.

"Pietro and I need to find Dad." Wanda said and you waved, but then frowned, nodding back.

"I think he found you first." You comment while watching Erik look at you as he enters the same iron corridor. He looks at your family and friends next for a moment, his expression serious. "See you after the game, right?"

"Of course." Wanda smiles before touching your arm lightly. You still feel the touch many moments later.

//-//

The match is absolutely incredible. It is even better because the guardians win with a remarkable difference when catcher Jean Gray captures the Snitch after the second half, the stadium vibrating in celebration.

It's a complete mess after that. There are fireworks, and a lot of noise. Even though they lost the match, all the Brooklyn Soldiers fans are so impressed with the incredible match that they join the celebrations.

You stumble out of the stadium between laughter, Gamora's arm around your shoulders as she laughs at the dance that your father and Joseph are doing on the way back.

Fans of the Guardians continued to light the celebratory fireworks, and there was a huge fireworks scarlet dragon streaking through the skies above your heads.

Your dad and the Rogers family go back to the cabin while you stay outside with Bucky and your friends, wanting to enjoy the rest of the fireworks display. You also want to see Wanda again.

"The Guardians are very excited, aren't they?" Bucky comments with a laugh, noticing an increase in the volume of the crowd's screams. You laugh and you look at the sky again.

When you blink, there is an explosion noise in the distance, so muffled by the other sounds that it makes you confused. Your friends don't seem to have heard, and you step forward, watching the crowd closely.

You see a lot of people laughing, and dancing, and it takes a minute for you to also notice those who are running.

"Guys." You call in confusion, and Gamora who was closest to you turns around with curiosity. "I think there is something wrong."

Another explosion occurs and this time everyone listens. The crowd in front seems to gradually realize that there is something wrong going on. And then the firework dragon in the sky is fading, considerably dimming the lighting.

Your father came out of the hut the next moment, a concerned look on his face, and the wand in his hands.

You feel a panic rising in the pit of your stomach when people start running and screaming, and you notice spells being cast from a distance. You were thinking it might be some kind of cheering team fight, but the possibility is completely ruled out when you notice the masked men in the crowd.

"Get your things now." Order your father out loud and then you are all moving back to the cabin, picking up all your belongings quickly. You hold the backpack tightly against your shoulders when you go out again, complete chaos around you. Your father, Joseph and Sarah lead you among the people, shouting that you need to get back to the portkey. You gasp in surprise when you feel a twinge behind your eyes, and you are struck by a vision of a forest. This little delay is enough to make you stay behind and lose sight of your family.

But you are not looking for them anyway. Your feet are spinning in the opposite position, and you are pushing people to run. You need to find Wanda.

//-//

You end up at the end of the camp, the tents far behind you. The sound of confusion drowned out by the distance. Feeling a new stab of pain in the head, your knees give way and your body lowers, while you raise your hands to your face, immediately being hit by a vision. This time you see a shadow of a tall figure, perhaps a man, standing in front of you. There is a metallic taste of blood in your mouth, and you want to get away, but there is something holding you back. When you blink, you're back the end of the camp.

You don't understand what's going on, and there is a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness in your chest, but you keep walking, crossing the magical chain and moving into the forest. You fall to the ground on your knees a moment later, intense pain all over your body. Gasping, you look up, only to see a green light form in the sky.

At first you thought it might be fireworks, but it was magic. The symbol of a hydra conjured in the clouds was beginning to move, and your entire body weighed.

You looked down, and your eyes caught a figure in the woods. It was a man, but he was too far away and you couldn't see his face. He had his wand raised to the sky, clearly being responsible for conjuring it up. Your head started to spin in pain, and you rested your hands on the ground to try to normalize your breathing, and then the man looked at you.

You felt your heart race when he started walking towards you, but then there were screams and footsteps, and he ran. A moment later, your father was kneeling beside you.

"Darling! Are you okay?" He asked worriedly raising his hands to your face looking for bruises. You sighed, still in pain. Only when the aurors of the ministry of magic raised their wands to the sky and made the mark disappear,  you feel your body relieve immediately.

"I saw a man." You confessed breathlessly, and your father looked at you with confusion. But the wizards of the ministries seemed quite interested.

"Where, child?" Asked one of the aurors, you gasped slightly, feeling your body tremble a little.

"He went in that direction." You say pointing. "He was the one who conjured."

The woman nodded in understanding, and left after whistling for the rest of the Aurors to follow her. Your father helped you to stand.

"Honey, listen to me carefully." He said in a mixture of concern and seriousness. "Don't tell anyone about this."

“What, daddy? I don't.."

"Honey, please." He interrupts by stroking your cheeks with his thumb. “I will explain everything to you, I promise. But this needs to stay between us. You can't tell anyone what you saw in the sky.”

You swallow dry, but agree. Your dad doesn't let go of your hand all the way back to the portkey, and when you rejoin your friends again, you lie and say you just got lost in the food stall area after he gives a little grip on your fingers.

//-//

Your father doesn't explain anything to you.

When you return home, he receives urgent howlers from the ministry, and then he returns to the ministry of magic.

You are walking around the kitchen, outraged that you were prevented from looking for Wanda on your way out of the stadium and you have no idea if she is okay.

"What if the Maximoffs have a phone?" You grumble to yourself, but then you remember that you don't even have the number. You press your hands to your face, trying to calm yourself down. Wanda was fine. She had to be.

Gamora and Nebula are sitting on the couch, discussing something with each other, looking concerned. Tony locked himself in the room after Howard refused to tell him what was going on.

You don't understand why you have this horrible feeling in your chest, and you can't stop wondering if Wanda is okay, and then you support your hands on the table, trying to normalize your breathing and stop yourself from crying.

"Hey, breathe." You are almost startled by the voice at your side. Gamora touches your back tenderly, and you shake your head, feeling the tears flow. "She's fine, you need to breathe."

"You don't know that." You snap out of breath, and then Gamora puts her hand on your shoulder, asking you to look at her.

“We met Erik on the way out while you got lost. They left before you came back. ” She tells and you blink confused. “Wanda is safe. Breathe."

You gasp, and then your body relaxes as if a weight has been lifted off your back. Gamora looks at you with a mixture of concern and confusion, but you sigh, hugging her in appreciation.

"Thank you." You whisper against her hair. "I should have asked."

When you let go, she still looks at you with concern.

"Yeah, I know." She says assessing her face. "You should have asked how anyone else would do it."

You frown, not understanding what she is saying. But she still looks at you, suspicious.

“It looks like you were barely listening to us when your dad brought you back. And then I find you like that, and one word is enough to get you back to normal. ”

"What do you mean, Gamora?"

"I'm worried about you." She says. "I don't know what it is, but there is something strange about the way Wanda affects you."

You change the weight of your feet, uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation.

"What are you talking about?"

"She's talking about you not being able to bewitch Wanda." Nebula adds by getting up and walking over to you. You blink confused, ready to say that story was too old, but the girl is not intimidated. "She's talking about the way you behave around her."

"I don `t…"

"It's not just about liking someone." Nebula interrupts and you feel your cheeks heat up. "Gamora thought it was because you are in love, but that seems like something else."

Something in your stomach falls. You gasp in surprise.

"I'm not i-in love!" You exclaim with a racing heart. "I'm not…"

Gamora sighs impatiently, messing with hair. And trying to calm you down, she puts her hands on your shoulders next.

"Listen to me, okay?" She asks. "There's something weird about the way you care about Wanda. We don't know what it is, but you need to admit that you can see that too."

Facing your friend back, it takes a moment while you think of your words, for you to speak again.

"I saw a mark in the sky." You confess, deciding to disobey your father. Gamora blinks in confusion, and you clear your throat before you clear up everything that happened. Her hands fall off your shoulders when she opens her eyes wide for your confessions.

"Are you sure it was a hydra?" Nebula asks seriously and you wave.

"Do you know what that means?" You ask, and the girls exchange a look, but before they say it, you hear another voice.

"It is the Mephisto mark."

You get scared of Tony coming down the stairs, his gaze on you as he walks over to where you are. He folds his arms when he reaches you.

"Which means death walkers are back."

"Tony ..."

"You said you saw a wizard." He interrupts seriously. "Do you have any idea who it is?"

"No." You embarrassingly deny it, feeling your stomach sink with the look Tony is giving you. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You are the one who's been weird." He replies. "I'm just trying to understand what's going on."

"What did you mean by that?"

"What did you see in your head?" He counters with another question and you start to get angry at the way he is behaving, but tell him anyway. Tony sighs impatiently, turning in the opposite direction. He circles the room for a few moments before speaking again. “Daddy is never going to let us get involved in this. Especially now that you are having visions in your head. ”

"I still haven't told him about it." You grumble and Tony looks at you in surprise.

"Then don't say anything."

"What?" You exclaim with a frown in confusion. "What you mean? I need to say. I have to find out what it is. ”

Tony laughed incredulously.

"You still don't get it, do you?" he retorted. "Dad won't tell us anything. He didn't tell us about being an Auror, or about being friends with Professor Lehnsherr. He didn't even bother to try to understand why you can't bewitch Wanda!" Tony squirms angrily, and you shrink your body to the pitch of his voice. But he sighs, running his hands through his hair, and softening his expression. "I'm sorry, I'm not angry with you. It's just... I don't like being lied to."

You looked away, feeling tired. All this talk was making your head hurt, and the previous events had affected you more than you would like to admit.

"I don't know what we can do about this." You say. "I don't understand what's going on, and Dad would be the first person I would ask something, but he's not willing to help us. I feel like I'm at a dead end."

Tony lifts his arm to your shoulder, trying to reassure you.

"Hey, don't be so concerned about it." He says. "I'll find out what I can, and well, we're going back to Hogwarts next week. You and Wanda can try to figure out what this connection is about, while I try to figure out what's going on at the ministry."

You nod in agreement and Tony smiles, hugging you briefly. You hope that despite everything, you will have a quiet year at Hogwarts.

//-//

The Maximoffs are not on board the Hogwarts express.

You are in the same cabin as your friends, squeezed in because not everyone can fit in there, and you take several turns with Peter and Darcy in turn to sit down, while you are spread out in the corridor. 

"No sign of Wanda, huh?" Gamora asked as she saw you looking around the hallway for the tenth time while you were standing outside the cabin, listening to Mantis tell you about her summer from inside.

"No." You reply. "I talked to her Slytherin colleagues, but none of them were very happy to tell me anything. Wanda didn't say anything in her last letter."

"Maybe she will arrive in a flying car, I hear they are popular." She jokes, making you laugh briefly. You can't ignore the nervous feeling in your stomach, and you sigh. Gamora places her hands on your shoulders. "Let's find something to distract you, okay? How about some explosive snap?"

//-//

Laughing at Quill's joke about the last statement in the Daily Prophet, as you walked off the train with the rest of your friends toward the castle.

A chorus of excitement coming from some students ahead of you caught your and your friends' attention, who looked in the direction curiously.

"Is that a ship?" You heard someone ask as they pointed in the direction of the lake.

There was a large old ship, right in the center, coming toward the castle. Everyone looked on excitedly.

"Students, please continue toward the castle!" Drax loudly commanded the crowd, and the students exchanged nervous whispers, all extremely curious to know who was coming to the castle. You swapped a glance with Gamora before following the crowd.

//-//

Already seated at the Hufflepuff table, you startled slightly when Mantis touched your hand.

"Calm down, you're making it snow." She asked gently. You shook your head, realizing the cloud you had accidentally conjured up above you. You had been so nervous the last few minutes, which only got worse when your gaze failed to find Wanda at the Slytherin table, and to no avail was the look of reassurance Gamora threw at you when she said she would ask her colleagues about her over dinner. As soon as you sat down at the Hufflepuff table, you played with your wand between your fingers, and before you knew it, it was snowing.

"Sorry about that." You mumble clumsily, putting your wand back away. Mantis is not angry, her look is one of concern.

"I'm sure everything is fine with Wanda." Mantis says to you, and you sigh, running your hand through your hair.

"I think so too." You say. "I just don't know why I can't stop thinking about it."

"Y/N..."

You lost your attention completely on Mantis as your gaze reached the door of the hall just as you noticed the figures entering. Wanda and Pietro, walking hurriedly to the Slytherin table, being two of the last students to enter the hall before the door closed. You made mention of getting up, but Mantis held you by the shoulders. 

You were about to complain, but she pointed in the direction of the teachers' table, and you rolled your eyes, because the welcoming speech was about to begin. Your gaze remained on Wanda, but she was looking straight ahead. The only good thing was that the feeling of worry in you diminished considerably now that you were seeing her.

"[...] and I am proud to tell you that a very special event will take place at Hogwarts this year: the Triwizard Tournament!"

You are startled slightly when Headmistress Harkness' words reach your ears at the same moment that the main hall explodes in hubbub. You lose sight of Wanda because people are moving excitedly, and Mantis is nudging you to look forward.

It is only now that you notice the large stone globet and the blue flame displayed in front of the bench. You blink in surprise, feeling your face flush because you spent all the minutes of the speech staring at Wanda without realizing it.

Then the principal speaks again.

"Of course, the ministry has determined rules for the safety of the students." She recounts. "No student under the age of seventeen will be allowed to participate in the tournament, in addition to the dueling rules..."

The principal's speech was drowned out by the chorus of protests from the younger students, especially those in the fifth and sixth grades. You raised your eyebrow slightly, because you noticed that your brother was one of the boys who was shouting in annoyance. 

Agatha then made a stern expression, clearly annoyed at having been interrupted, and it took only a few moments for the hall to become completely silent, and for her to smile again.

"Note that the other participating schools will be staying with us this year." She continues her speech. "Please welcome the students from Durmstrang Institute."

The doors to the main hall opened again, and a small crowd of students wearing thick winter coats entered. A tall, shabby-looking man with a scar over his right eye was at the front, guiding the students.

"Agatha!" Greeted the man with open arms as he reached the headmistress. Agatha smiled as she hugged him, and you tried to get a look at the new folks, as did the rest of the school, who were looking excitedly at the crowd. You let out a surprised exclamation when you recognized one of the faces. Your classmates also seemed to realize who it was, because many whistles and comments were heard. 

"That's Jean Grey, isn't it?" Peter Parker asked sitting next to you. When you confirmed it, he widened his eyes. "Wow, I didn't know she was still in school."

"She's the youngest catcher of the century, Parker." You commented with a smile. 

"She's very pretty, isn't she?" He retorted, and you made a noise of agreement.

The students reached the front of the hall next.

"It's good to have you here, Yondu." Said the headmistress. "How was the trip?"

"Wet and noisy, woman!" Rebutted the man humorously. He didn't seem too excited to greet any other teachers, focused only on the woman in front of him. Agatha looked at the students next.

"Please feel free to join any of the empty seats, all the houses were honored to accommodate you." She warned the students, but they only moved after Yondu waved lightly at them.

You bit the inside of your cheek, noting that almost everyone sat down at the Slytherin table. Yondu joined the students next, not failing to take a good look at the goblet before sitting down.

Agatha looked down the hall again.

"Let us also welcome our honored guests from Beauxbatons."

The students at Beauxbatons' institute seemed nicer the first moment you saw them, but as soon as you noticed the way their cloaks were bewitched to land gracefully on the floor as they moved, you figured they must be the kind of people who wouldn't be happy with Hogwarts' cleaning schedule.

The principal of Beauxbatons was a tall, stout woman, very beautiful. She had a crown on her head, and you wondered if the people of Beauxbatons were royalty in some way. 

"Ovette, it is an honor to have you with us." She greeted Principal Agatha, but unlike before, her smile was cold, almost fake. The other woman didn't seem happy to be there either, but returned the greeting in the same formality.

The Beauxbatons students sat down at Gryffindor's table, and you giggled when Quill grimaced at you from his table as one of the boys sat down next to him.

Suddenly you felt very hungry. And dinner didn't disappoint. 

"I think you'd better wait to talk to Wanda tomorrow," Mantis remarked next to you as soon as you finished eating. You frowned, looking at her.

"Why?"

"Professor Lehnsherr has been staring at the Slytherin table like he's going to cast a good behavior spell at them the entire dinner." She counters as she looks at the teachers' table. You look just in time to catch Erik with a stern look toward the students who were talking loudly on the end before he went back to eating his potato salad. 

"Maybe he just expects better behavior while we have guests here." You comments, glancing back to the Slytherin table. Wanda's gaze has not searched for yours all dinner, and you are starting to get annoyed by this.

"If you're going to risk it, I suggest you do it before curfew." Mantis quips as she looks down at her own lap. Groot is trying to steal her piece of chicken, and she smiles as she hands him a loaf of bread.

You look around. All the students are sitting at their respective house tables, and despite the loud buzz of conversation, no one is standing. You know that if you stood up, and walked to the other side of the room, everyone would look at you. Sighing in annoyance, you rest your face on your hand and your elbow on the table, giving up on talking to Wanda during dinner.

When dessert arrives, you become distracted.

//-//

Your best idea is to catch up with Wanda at the end of dinner, but you frown when she doesn't get up from the table along with the other students. The next moment, Professor Erik is joining her, and the crowd of Hufflepuff students pushing you out makes you lose sight of her.

You mumble softly to yourself when you have to go back to the dormitory, and Mantis gives you a short smile, equally annoyed by your nervousness.

//=//

You tried to sleep. Maybe at some point you did.

After you went back to the dorm with everyone else, put on your pajamas and turned off the lights, you think you fell asleep almost immediately. But there was no rest.

The minute you fell asleep, you were somewhere else, fully conscious.

It looked like a graveyard, and there was a lot of smog. You turned over, feeling breathless, and saw a red light, maybe it was a spell. The next moment you woke up, panting, opening your eyes and immediately sitting up in bed. Surprised at the amount of sweat on your shirt, you frowned.

The dormitory was completely dark, and everyone was sleeping around you. You felt thirsty, and as you tried to understand exactly what you had dreamed, you left the room.

The rest of the common room was also empty, and you sighed as an idea crossed your mind. Biting your lips, you shook your head. No, you were not going to sneak through the dormitory into the Slytherin hall, because that was absolutely against all the rules, and more importantly, it would be weird.

Ignoring the sudden urgency you felt to follow your idea, you forced yourself back to your dormitory, hoping that you would be able to sleep again.

//-//

The next day, you had no need to look for Wanda, because she found you first.

As soon as you left for breakfast, accompanied by Mantis, you gasped in surprise as you felt some jump on you just before the entrance to the main hall.

"I missed you." Wanda sighed as she wrapped her arms around your neck. Some students looked at you curiously, but you didn't mind, circling Wanda's waist to return the hug. 

"I missed you too." You retorted by hiding your face in her neck, feeling your whole body relax with the scent of her perfume.

But a sound of someone clearing their throat broke the moment, and Wanda turned away from you, her cheeks flushed.

"You saw each other last week." Pietro teased with a slight frown on his forehead. He didn't press the matter, however, greeting you afterwards.

You made your way to the Slytherin table, your newly awakened friends looking sleepy as they lazily enjoyed their breakfast.

After greeting everyone, you sat down next to Gamora, who was looking at the daily prophet.

"Not a word about what happened in the Quidditch world cup" She commented indignantly. The group shared the same reaction. "All the news is about the triwizard tournament being held at Hogwarts."

"Maybe they don't want to cause a panic." Quill then reasoned. You knew that he, as well as Mantis, only knew about what happened in the cup because of the letters you and Gamora sent. 

"It just seems like they are hiding the truth." Gamora retorts without taking her gaze off the paper. You glance at the figures moving around before turning your attention back to your coffee.

"Clearly corrupt wizarding ministry matters aside, is anyone here going to try to sign up for the tournament?" Quill asked next, causing you to frown as Nebula and Gamora gave a giggle.

"No one here is of age." You comment with confusion, but Quill gives a wry chuckle.

"You Hufflepuff people are adorable." He teases making you laugh. He stretches his arms out to Pietro and Monica's shoulders next as he is sitting between them. "My Gryffindor buddies have found the perfect solution to solve this problem."

You look at the three of them curiously. Gamora rolls her eyes, and turns her attention back to the cereal.

"Let me guess, aging potion?" Nebula then suggests, and Quill lets out an impressed exclamation.

"Look at you Nebula, who would have guessed?  I'll make a troublemaker out of you yet." He jokes, but Nebula just raises her middle finger at him, making the rest of the table laugh.

You are slightly distracted because Wanda asked you to pass the jelly to her and your fingers brushed against each other, and you had to keep it together, unaware because the sensation spread a tingle across your skin, so you are startled when Quill lets out an excited exclamation next.

"I just remembered!" He says. "I didn't complain enough about the cancellation of the Quidditch cup between the houses. I was sure Gryffindor would win this year."

Wanda lets out a wry chuckle, and Quill makes a mocking face at her, tossing a piece of bread in her direction. 

You like to see your friends like that, playing with each other. The next moment, Mantis asks how Quill intends to get past the goblet spells to put his name on it, and the boy spends the next few minutes arguing that the aging spell is enough to break the enchantment, and your friends seem happy to argue with him about it.

//-//

You're not sure how you're going to tell Wanda that you need to talk to her about the events of the vacations, and the cup, and well, your connection to her, so you ignore the suggestive look Gamora throws at you after coffee and decide to put it off for as long as you can.

Your classes seem to have gotten even harder and more boring, but you struggle. It's even trickier to pay attention when the whole school is excited about the triwizard tournament, and there' a lot of noise between and during the classes, after a while, the teachers give up on calming the moods.

Without Quidditch, you have free periods, and you use this time to spend with your friends, either playing witch chess or explosive snap, or even getting some practice with your broom.

The foreign students get more comfortable as time goes on. You would think that they would be sleeping in one of the dormitories, but they are staying on the ships and in the carriages that they have come on.

The only times you got a glimpse of Beauxbatons' carriages was on the way to the class on the Tract of Magical Creatures, and you weren't the only one trying to get a better look, but the guardian Drax was quick to scare off any curious people who got too close.

With three weeks of classes, the atmosphere at Hogwarts had changed a lot. You knew it was because the date for choosing champions was approaching, and everyone seemed to be holding their breath about it. 

Pietro and Quill actually proceeded with the idea of trying to fool the goblet with an aging potion. You and the girls joined them in the room where the magic object had been placed, and witnessed them try. And fail miserably. Wanda was worried that Pietro had been hurt when he was thrown across the room trying to get through the protective circle, but as soon as she saw his aged face, she laughed, and all the girls followed her.

Pietro and Quill were annoyed for three seconds before they began to laugh as well.

You fell silent the next moment, however, because Jean Grey entered the room accompanied by Headmaster Youndu, both of whom looked at you all reproachfully.

Jean placed a piece of parchment in the flame, and you all watched with some admiration as the goblet accepted her inscription.

The small admiring smile you had on your lip completely disappeared when Jean looked at Wanda on her way out, her gaze flashing in a way that made your stomach turn the wrong way.

When Pietro started talking about how amazing it was to have a famous player at school, you didn't feel excited about the idea anymore.

//-//

After your double period of potions on Thursday the last week of September, you could practically catch the anxious tension of your classmates in the air.

At dinner that night, the school champions would be chosen and even you, who were more concerned about the lack of news from home and the way Tony was clearly avoiding your presence, were curious to know who would be chosen.

The Goblet of Fire had been moved to the center of the main hall and you joined the Hufflepuff table with Mantis, noticing the warning look that Headmistress Okoye cast at anyone who was not behaving in the most chivalrous manner possible, but you didn't remark on it, noticing the wizards wearing formal attire at the teachers' table, probably being employees of the Ministry of Magic and reporters for the Daily Prophet.

A characteristic buzz was going on among the students, but the room fell silent as the students from the other schools entered the hall together with their principals.

When Headmistress Agatha began the selection ceremony, everyone seemed to hold their breath.

"[...] Tonight the goblet will choose the one who is worthy to represent their schools in the triwizard tournament. The ceremony of choice begins now." She gracefully presents, wand in hand. Agatha touches the tip of the goblet next, and the flame on the top changes to red briefly, expelling a piece of parchment through the air. Agatha catches the item between her fingers. "The champion of Durmstrang is Jean Grey."

The room erupts in applause and tears of celebration. You clap happily too, completely forgetting about that day in the hall. You knew that Jean had become quite popular among the Hogwarts gossips, especially since she is already a celebrity, so the reaction of your classmates was not a surprise to you.

You and the rest of the students watched as she accepted the parchment from Agatha before greeting the ministry wizards, and then walked into the small door behind the teachers' desk. As she left, everyone was silent again.

Principal Harkness repeated the wand movement on the goblet, and the flames turned blue again. She paused briefly before announcing the next champion.

"Beauxbatons' champion is Maria Hill!" 

You watch a very elegant girl get up from one of the front seats and walk in the same direction as Jean amidst the applause. The commotion is a little less than Grey's, but you know that it is only because Grey was famous.

A moment later it is the turn of the Hogwarts champion, and you are much more excited for this.

Agatha also seems more excited about this, a small smile escaping her lips before she repeats the wand movement.

When the parchment falls into her hands, she reads it aloud.

"The champion of Hogwarts..." She begins and her expression falls, her frown frowning. The brief suspense only makes everyone even more anxious. "Wanda Maximoff."

The crowd's reaction is remarkably different from the other champions; the hall explodes into a buzz of accusations of cheating, pointing out that Wanda was underage, and even snide remarks about a Slytherin representing the school, but you were barely listening. A wave of preoccupation takes over your body completely, and you look around the table for Wanda, but she is already standing up, her chin held high despite all the negative comments. She accepts the parchment Agatha hands her and heads in the same direction as the other champions. 

Harkness makes another movement with her wand and the flame from the goblet goes out. In the next second she is leaving the room, being escorted by the other directors and the ministry officials to the Hall of Champions. As soon as the door closes, the hall explodes in agitated hubbub, and many people stand up.

As the teachers call for calm, especially for the Gryffindor students who accuse the Slytherin of cheating, you and Mantis stand up and join your friends.

"I can't believe that just happened." Gamora comments as soon as you reach her, as impressed as she is concerned.

Your gaze searches for Pietro however, and he looks upset.

"Comrade, your sister is the champion of Hogwarts! She managed to do what we were trying to! Why the long face?" Quill asked his friend excited and confused, but when he went to hug Pietro, he pulled away, an angry grimace on his face.

"I can't believe Wanda kept this from me." He grumbled, you and your friends looked at him in surprise. 

"Come on Pietro, maybe she didn't think it would work and didn't want to say anything." Quill suggested but the boy shook his head.

"No you don't get it." He retorts. "She absolutely could not have risked doing something like that."

And then he turns away, and heads for the teachers' table. You and your friends are left with puzzled expressions, but upon noticing that he looked like he was going to be talking to his father for quite some time, you return to your conversation.

"I can't believe Wanda didn't tell anyone about putting in the name on the goblet, that's incredible." Quill adds. Nebula begins to argue how dangerous it was for someone without enough magical acquaintance to be in such an ordeal, and your stomach does a turn. You walk away from the conversation, heading toward the group of Tony's friends who were standing a few feet away from you.

"Hey, your friend just caused a stir around here." Tony jokes as soon as you reach him.

"I noticed it." You retort as you spot Professor Strange separating with a spell a student who jumped on top of another. "Everyone is talking about how dangerous it is for her to participate, can you tell me anything good about it?"

Tony laughs at the desperation in your voice. 

"I figure eternal glory and the thousand-gallon prize is the good part." He teases, and you run your hands through your hair, trying to ignore the urge to go into that little room and find out if Wanda is okay. Tony assumes a serious expression next, and lowers his tone, not that it was necessary, since everyone seems wrapped up in their own conversations. "You also find it strange that this happens after what happened at the cup, don't you?" He asks and you nod. Tony sighs. "Maybe this is a good time for you to talk to Wanda, little sis. About how you feel about her. And well, maybe as you help her practice for the tournament, you guys can figure out what that connection means."

You nod, feeling your cheeks warm. It was still strange how all your friends knew about the way you cared for Wanda.

You wanted to ask Tony if he had found out anything since you last talked properly, but Professor Strange ordered everyone back to their dormitories the next moment, and after Tony messed up your hair, you turned and headed toward the Hufflepuff students who were leaving the hall.

//-//

There was no way you could sleep without talking to Wanda, so you risked an detention by sneaking out of the dorm after curfew. Mantis grumbled at you to be careful before turning over in her sleepy state, making you laugh softly.

You used a simple invisibility spell on yourself, not so strong that you were completely invisible, but enough to blend into the shadows of the castle as you descended back into the dungeons. Hogwarts was, yes, very scary at that time.

The board at the entrance was sleeping, and after removing the invisibility spell, you poked it with your wand to wake it up.

"What, what is that?" Complained the irritated painting, looking around and acquiring an angry expression when he noticed you.

"I'm sorry. Keep your voice down please." You asked. "I need to get inside."

The painting looked at you suspiciously.

"I have seen you here before, but you are not from the honorable house of Slytherin."

"That is not your problem, Mr. Talos." You retort impatiently. "Just let me in. The password is Polyjuice Potion."

"Your friends will get in trouble if they keep sharing their password with you." Warned the painting before moving, giving you passage to enter.

"Thank you, Mr.Talos." You said with slight irony, walking into the dormitory.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you looked around at the empty environment. You were used to the place, but it was still creepy when poorly lit like this.

"We don't like intruders." Spoke a voice in the corner of the room, making you jump in fright.

"Damn, Nat, you scared the hell out of me." You complained, putting your hand to your chest and feeling your heart racing. The girl giggled, closing the book in her hand and standing up in your direction.

"Why are you here?" she asked with her arms crossed.

You gave her a lopsided smile.

"I came to check on Wanda, of course."

Nat narrowed her eyes at you.

"Why?"

"Why?" you retort after a short laugh. "Because she has just been chosen for the deadliest competition in the wizarding world, and everyone in this place wants to remind me of it!" You exclaim, and can't stop yourself. "I heard a girl say in the hallway that the tournament was banned for the number of deaths! Did you know that? Yeah, neither did I. And well, I can't sleep, because I keep thinking that something like that might happen to Wanda. And when I think about it, I can't breathe and I..."

"Stark, breathe!" Natasha interrupts you with concern, placing her hands on your shoulders. You gasp slightly, realizing that your eyes are filled with tears as you notice your vision blurring. You sigh, trying to normalize your breathing as you force a smile and wipe your face. "God, what was that all about?"

"It was nothing." You grumble. "I'm just worried."

Natasha doesn't buy your excuse, though.

"Tony told me about what happened in the cup." She says as she lowers her arms. You look at her in surprise. "He also told me about how connected to Wanda you have been feeling. I just didn't imagine that you would almost have a little tantrum at the possibility of her getting hurt."

You feel your cheeks flush, looking away to your shoes.

"I didn't have a tantrum."

"Nearly." She teases, but you don't laugh, feeling your stomach churn. Nat looks at you seriously next. "Wanda's not here."

You raise your head in surprise.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know." She replies. "Believe me, you weren't the only one who tried to talk to her. The whole dorm was wanting to know how she tricked the goblet, but no one has seen her since the selection."

You feel your heart soar, and seeing the way you react, Nat raises a hand to your arm again.

"Hey, try not to think about it so much." She says. "Maybe she's with her father. I imagine it's been quite a commotion that a minor has swindled the goblet, and the ministry must be trying to decide what to do. She must be in the teachers' dormitory, she is still a child after all."

"Wanda is already fifteen." You grumble.

"Yes, and I'm sixteen. We're all kids, Y/N." She retorts. "I don't think Professor Lehnsherr was going to leave his daughter alone at such a time."

You sigh, nodding in agreement.

"Try to get some sleep, will you?" Nat asks next. "I'm sure Wanda will talk to you tomorrow. And well, I think she's going to need her best friend to not sleep through the conversation."

"Wanda said I'm her best friend?" 

Nat laughs at the way you talk, probably sounding like a lovesick puppy. 

"God, you two are a disaster." She comments before waving you toward the exit. You bid her goodnight and thank her before walking back to your dorm.

//-//

[outerbankspreferences]

I don’t know why you love me - Rafe Cameron

Word Count: 3080

WARNINGS: I went into a bit of detail with his drug problem. If that makes you uncomfortable it’s all italicized so you can skip that part and you shouldn’t be confused.

REQUEST:  Could you write an imagine where Rafe's long time girlfriend says that she sees herself marrying him to Sarah and Rafe overhears. He is super damaged thanks to Ward so he doesn't believe it really and starts to distance himself. A sweet ending please?

MASTERLIST

It was a Sunday afternoon in the Outer banks. Things had calmed down a lot. You were over at the Cameron household helping Sarah make decision on her engagement party. John B had finally popped the question to Sarah with your help. You helped him make sure the ring was the right size and helped narrow down spots. You were so happy for the two of them. You and Sarah had grown close over the years of dating Rafe. She was always there to support you when things got hard with his withdrawal in the beginning. She was your shoulder to cry on when you didn’t want to break in front of him. 

“Rose wants to know who were inviting. Apparently, she wants to have it at the country club.” Sarah sighed slamming her head down on the table. John B had just walked through the door. “Oh god, what did I just walk into.” He asked wondering if he should try and dip out.

 “Your fiancé is trying to narrow down the guest list. Who do you want to invite John B?” You ask him to look through the list you already started. It only had Sarah’s family and extended family. “If you don’t want to have it there Sarah you don’t have to. It’s your engagement party not hers.” You look at her.

 “I know but I don’t know where I want to have it, and we can’t wait to long.” She told you as John B came over rubbing her back trying to be comforting. “If you want to babe, we can look at some places tomorrow. Take your mind off the planning for a bit.” John B suggested trying to be helpful. Honestly, he knew nothing about planning a party and just left it up to you guys. If it were up to him, they would be partying on the beach like old times. “That’s a great idea, did you put the pool cover back on when you were done? I don’t want dad getting pissed again. I listened to him complain about it for like a week.” Sarah asked him. “I did not cover the pool, because your brother is still in there swimming and I didn’t want to drown him this time.” You all laugh. John B and Rafe’s friendship had always been rocky but has gotten better in the last couple of years. He even asked his permission to marry Sarah which you thought was adorable when Rafe told.

 Rafe was no longer swimming he got out of the pool and was putting the cover on it. He had started to collect the things from outside. You guys hung out there all the time because your apartment didn’t have a pool and the beaches were always crowded this time of year. He was walking towards the door when he stopped dead in his tracks when he heard his name.

 “I can’t wait to plan all this stuff with Rafe.” You say more to yourself but both Sarah and John B hearing you. “Did he propose to you?” Sarah almost yells out loud. “Say it louder Sarah, I don’t think they heard you across the street.” John B scolds her. “No, he hasn’t proposed. I wish he would though. After everything we’ve been through, I’m ready for the next part of our life. I just don’t want to freak him out.” You say gushing to Sarah all about the plans you wanted to have with Rafe.

 Rafe couldn’t believe this. He thought he was the luckiest man on earth when you agreed to go out with him. He was still recovering from his addiction, but you were there for him. You knew about his drug addiction, everyone on the island knew about it. You never brought it up to him though. You knew he would tell you when he was ready to let you into that part of him.

 ~FLASHBACK~

It wasn’t until Sarah called you one day saying that Rafe was in the hospital. You’d never driven faster in your life. When you got there, he was thrashing around screaming. You asked Ward what happened, and he told it that he must have gotten a bad cut of drugs. He had been clean for a while and you couldn’t understand what would cause him to relapse, as far as you knew things were going great, you guys just started talk about getting a place together.

 “I don’t understand what would cause him to relapse?” You ask looking at Ward. He shrugged his shoulders, it looked like he could careless about his son. “I don’t know, that’s what addicts to Y/N, they relapse. You should have thought about this before you started dating him. He’s not worth it. You’ve got so much going for you, don’t let him hold you back.” You couldn’t believe what he was saying. Rafe was in danger and he didn’t even care. “He wouldn’t be damaged if it weren’t for you Ward. You broke him. All he ever wanted to do was make you proud. You pushed him to this. What kind of father pushes their son over the edge like this? He needs help because of you. I will not leave him the way you did, because where I come from you don’t give on family like that.” You tell him in front of everybody in the waiting room. You knew it wasn’t your place to say these things, but you were so upset. You tried to walk away when Ward grabbed your arm, “you don’t understand what its like Y/N, on this side of island we have a reputation to uphold.” You look him dead in the eyes. “Clearly you want the wrong reputation.”

 You sat by Rafe’s bed all night holding his hand. The nurses gave him some medications to calm him down and finally took the restraints off. He looked so peaceful sleeping, you wondered what he was dreaming of. The doctor had come in to talk to you about what happened. He explained everything that had happened and that they found traces of LSD in the coke he took. It was a new mix on the island, and if it had been a while since Rafe last used his body probably wasn’t used to it.

 Rafe finally woke up looking around, taking in his surroundings. That’s when he saw you in the chair next to him. You had a blanket covering you with a book in your lap. He couldn’t remember what happened. He only remembered the fight he got in with Ward. He just lost it. Ward was telling him that he wasn’t good enough for you. That Rafe needed to get his life together. He told him that he was holding you back, and you deserved more then a low life drug addict like him. He cursed himself for changing his emergency contact to you when he broke his arm last summer. He moved his hand, and it woke you up. You eyes flutter open adjusting to the brightness of the room. You smiled at him.

 “Hey handsome, how are you feeling?” Even after everything you just watched he was still the most handsome person ever. You were quiet waiting for his answer. “I have a headache, what happened?” He asked you. He was confused and groggy from the medications they gave him. His voice was hoarse from all the screaming. “You had a bad reaction to some drugs you took. They were laced with LSD, Sarah called me, and I got here as soon as I could. It was bad Rafe, you were scream and thrashing around, but it’s okay now. The doctors took care of you they gave you some meds to help counter act the drugs in your system.” You explained to him.

 Just then the doctor comes in. “Mr. Cameron, glad to see your back in order son, how are you feeling?” He looks through Rafe’s chart. “It’s just Rafe, Mr. Cameron is my father, and I feel tired, I have a headache too.” Rafe told the doctor you got up to leave, but he grabbed your hand. “I’m not going far love; I’m just giving you guys some privacy.” You put your hand on top of his. “I know, I just want you to stay please.” He looked at you with scared eyes. You couldn’t imagine how overwhelming this was on him. You sat back down, and the doctor continued talking. “I have looked into some rehabs on the mainland Rafe. You’re still young, you can turn this around. I have a friend who runs one for men your age. I can get you in if you want.” He looked at the both of you. Rafe looked at you as if looking for confirmation. “You need help Rafe, they can give you the help you need. I’ll help you as much as you want but I’m not a professional.” You tell him your honest opinion. You would support him with whatever he chose. “If I go to rehab when do I leave?” He asked the doctor. “I can get you on the ferry in the morning. The sooner the better. You’re normally there eight weeks but you can stay longer if you need.” The doctor looked at the two of you.

 Rafe agreed to go to rehab with your support. It was the longest eight weeks of your lives. You stayed in a hotel over on the island paid for by the Cameron’s to make sure you could be there for him. It broke you to watch him go through withdrawal. He was sick all the time, but the treatment center worked, and he got clean. You guys ended up getting an apartment together afterwards and Rafe kept up with his required therapy.

 Looking back on it, Rafe couldn’t believe you stayed with him. He didn’t know if anyone else would have. So, when he overheard you talking to Sarah about getting married to him, he couldn’t believe you. All those times Ward told him he wasn’t good enough for anyone he believed him. He figured you were just staying with until you found someone better.

 Rafe was distant the whole way home. He didn’t say much in the truck, but you just figured he was tired from being outside all day. When you guys got back to the apartment, he went straight to take a shower. You knock on the door, “Babe you want me to join, I could use a shower too, I smell like chlorine and it’s giving me headache.” When you go to turn the knob its locked. “I won’t be long Y/N, you can shower after me.” He responded through the door. You heard the shower running, it was weird he said that he loved showering with you. He always said he loved the intimacy of it.

 This behavior continued on and off for weeks leading up to the engagement party. Rafe was always making excuses that he busy, he was with Topper, he had something to do with his dad, Wheezie needed to be picked up. It got to the point that you guys only talked at night and even then, things were different. He would cuddle you, but it wasn’t the same. You thought maybe it was the engagement party, he hated getting together with extended family because his father always brought up the business.

 It was finally the night of the engagement party, it was going to be a nice dinner, and photos then back to the Cameron home for an after party. You had picked Rafe’s suit up from the dry cleaners along with your dress. You were wearing a simple form fitting dress. You didn’t want to outshine Sarah on what was supposed to be her night. You were finishing the last bit of your makeup hollering out to Rafe. “Alright babe, I’m all ready to go.” You walk out of the bathroom putting your earrings in. Rafe was sitting on the couch flipping through his phone. He looked up at you and normally he would tell you how beautiful you looked but he just stood up heading to the door.

 The drive was quiet, music playing softly in the background. Rafe didn’t look over at you once. It was making you insecure, did you wear the wrong thing? Did you go overboard? Was it the wrong suit? You guys made small conversation the rest of the way. When you got to the restaurant you sat next to Wheezie, and Rafe sat next to John B. They talked all night but Rafe didn’t say anything to you. When you tried to put your hand on his thigh, he moved it off. You didn’t understand what had gotten into him.

 The pictures didn’t go any better. They did some family ones and then just some of John B and Sarah you took that as your opportunity to pull Rafe a side and mention something. “Is everything okay Rafe?” You ask as soon as you guys are way from listening ears. He gave you a confused look. “Everything’s fine.” He replied not saying anything after. “Oh really because you’ve been distant for weeks. You’ve barely said two things to me all day, did I do something?” You ask concern lacing your voice. You looked in his eye searching for any kind of emotion. “Look can we not make this about us Y/N, its Sarah and John B’s night. We can talk about it later.” He snapped at you. He walked away not saying another thing about it.

 Once you guys got to the party you went your separate ways. You were talking to Kie and Sarah laughing about something they said. You looked around for Rafe and didn’t see him anywhere. “Where’s Rafe Y/N? I haven’t seen him all night.” Kie asked looking at you. You looked around, “your guess is as good as mine. He’s been distant the last couple of weeks, I don’t know what’s wrong with him.” You explain to the girls. They both agreed it was weird for him to be acting that way.

 The DJ started playing some slower songs. Kie went off with Pope dancing and Sarah left with John B. You scanned the room looking for Rafe. You feel someone’s hand on the small of your back and it causes you to jump. You turn around and it’s just him, “sorry didn’t mean to scare you.” He laughs a little. You lean into his touch. “That’s okay, are you enjoying yourself?” You ask him. “Yeah, it’s not that bad of a party.” It was the stupid small talk again.

 That’s when the DJ started playing your guys song. “Rafe it’s our song, let’s go dance to it.” You grab his hand pulling him out to the dance floor before he could protest. You wrapped his arms around your waist, yours going around his neck. He kept distance from you though. You had finally had it.

 “For Christ sakes Rafe, what is going on with you. You’ve been avoiding me like the plague. Did I do something? I don’t know what I did but I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you. Are you not attracted to me anymore, is there someone else?” You start to ramble on. Rafe couldn’t believe you thought you were the problem. “It’s not you Y/N its me.” Rafe cut you off. “Well, that’s just great Rafe. Real cliché of you.” You said to him walking away. You walk onto the porch with him following. You prepared yourself for what you were about to hear.

 “Just tell me Rafe? Is there someone else?” You ask him looking down tears forming in your eyes. “What? No, there’s no one else.” He said to you nonchalantly. “Then what is it?” You ask, ready to break. Rafe took a deep breath. “I overheard you talking to Sarah. When you told her that you were ready for the next step. You told her you wanted to marry me, and I don’t know why. For the life of me, after everything I’ve put you through, I can’t understand why you love me. I don’t know why you want to throw your life away on a count of me.”

 He wasn’t looking at you anymore. He was looking out onto the water. Watching the moon bounce of the waves trying to calm himself. You walk up behind him placing a hand on his back. “I love you Rafe, that’s why I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” You turn his head so he’s looking at you. He had had to see you meant every word you were about to say.

 “I love that you remember my coffee order, even though I change it every week. I love that you make sure my shows are recorded when I forgot them. I love that bring me coffee when I’m working. I love the look in your eye when you just wake up in the morning. I love the sound of your voice when you tired and hung over. I love spending lazy days in bed with you. I love all these things and more. I’ve grown to love your faults, and your positives Rafe Cameron. And I’m sorry if I freaked you out with what I said to Sarah, but I’ve never loved someone like I love you. I love you so much it scares me sometimes. But then I look into your beautiful blue eyes and I’m not scared anymore, because I know when I have you, I can do anything.” You told him with tears in your eyes. He was almost crying too; he took you into a bone crushing hug. You guys stayed like that for while just swaying to the music softly playing the background.

 He finally pulled away you. Looking into his eyes you could tell he had cried a little. When he spoke, it was a whisper even though you were the only two out there. “I love you too Y/N. I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t want anyone else.” He kissed you with all the passion he had in him. You kissed him back with just as much emotion. “Okay, but I want to elope because I can’t plan another party.” You tell him after pulling apart. He laughed looking at you, “Deal.”

TAG:  angelreyesgirl100

[vintagegoddess12]

The Purple Brick Road

Relationship: Agatha Harkness x Reader

Summary: Agnes is in Westview when Y/N arrived, which gave Agatha a way out of her current predicament. 

A/N: Okay y’all. My mind won’t stop working since the finale so this happened. “5 times agatha pushed the limits and the 1 time she shouldn’t have” will be used in this fic so I will be deleting that one. Enjoy this fic and let me know if you have any ideassss.

Agnes wakes up knowing what she has to do: prepare breakfast, fix herself, wake-up dear husband Ralph and help him get to work, tend the garden, clean the house, attend city council meetings, prepare the house for dinner with dear husband, and if she has time maybe talk to her neighbors. It's the routine and she is good at it. Sometimes she thinks, maybe too good at it but that notion is broken every time Ralph doesn't come down for breakfast or come home early for dinner. If she's being honest, she's not even sure he still comes home - she hasn't seen him since - Don't be silly, Agnes! It's not unusual for her train of thought to be cut off by her own voice. It's like she's trying to fight off thinking, and she audibly laughs knowing that isn't possible. She's Agnes, it's natural to have a lot of thoughts running around her head; especially when she specializes in town gossip. It's noontime and Agnes is inside her house, looking outside the window. She can see her neighbors packing up their boxes and loading them in vans and trucks. It's a daily occurrence of someone leaving and throwing a glance in her house before driving away. She has this feeling that they don't want to look back but she just shrugged it off. Westview is nice, there's no reason to run away from it. --- Westview is a ghost town and that is putting it nicely. [Y/N] walks towards the Westview sign, grass growing wildly at its side. There are no signs of cars or even life in this place. She's not even sure that flies can live here. The road leading to the town is paved with trash and abandoned houses, some lights remain flickering. She doesn't know what it is but she's damn sure something happened here. "Home: it's where you make it," [y/n] reads aloud, noting the irony of how it looks more haunted than homely. [Y/N] enters the town with more curiosity than caution. All the houses look unattended as if they all left hastily. She looks to her left, some doors are left open while the others are tightly shut. She can see the various tire marks as if everyone in this town drove and gave their 100% percent to the gas pedal. What happened here? She continues walking to the town center, dark and dull. She may be behind the times but she's sure this is supposedly where most lights are on and people go. She almost stops her pace when she feels the pull in her gut get stronger. [Y/N] prepared herself for whatever it is on the other side of the gazebo. She took cautious steps only to be startled by a greeting - "Hiya, hon!" [y/n] immediately stiffens, "I'm Agnes." --- To say Agatha was surprised is an understatement. She hasn't seen this face since her Salem days. Is this part of Wanda's torture? Is it not enough to keep her trapped in a lifeless town with a non-existent husband? Must Wanda really bring hallucinations in her punishment? Agatha can see, like a person watching a film, how [y/n]'s face contorted a bit before replying to her character's greeting. "Hi, Agnes." You offered your hand and Agatha can feel her body extending her own. "I'm [Y/N]" It really is you, isn't it? Agatha can feel your hand against her own, corporeal, tangible, real. She could not help but feel hope in this dire situation. You're a witch. Her kind. You can break the spell. You can take the Agatha out of this boring with a dash of pent-up energy Agnes. "Say, darling," Agatha can hear Agnes starting up a what most likely to be a conversation with double entendres, not that she doesn't enjoy it. "Are you our new neighbor because I've got a housewarming gift waiting for you?" Ok, she doesn't enjoy this. Flirty conversations are her thing. Agnes is all bark and no bite. You heartily laughed at the question but Agatha knows it's your way of trying to hide the confusion. She knows you enough to understand how you react on certain occasions. Dear darling [y/n]. Agatha's childhood friend. Rival. First Love. Agatha can feel herself roll her eyes. It's been 300+ years and love is a sentiment she grew out of. It doesn't matter who you were or are, as long as you can break the chaos spell in this body. You started to turn on your heel when Agatha felt her hands reaching out for you. A tight grip on your arms and a pleading look, Agatha can hear her Agnes voice saying, "please stay." For once since all of this started, which seemed to be ages ago, Agatha and Agnes had their desires aligned. Make [y/n] stay.

[bored-storyteller]

Dear Anon, sorry if I can't do the screen of your request :3 anyway I hope you like it

Warning: mention of violence and blood (nothing too bloody I think)

45- Tokyo Ghoul, Uta x human!Reader

“Natural”

That's your favorite time of the day. When you sit at the table in the hot cafeteria, with the steam of the sweet boiling drink in your nostrils, the warmth of the discreetly attended but not too noisy environment and your faithful sketchbook open on the polished wooden shelf. The first blank page available looks at you, waiting to become your world, your dreams.

You are particularly lucky today; he is there.

When you entered he was already sitting at the bar, sipping a black coffee. He doesn't come every day, nor does he always arrive at the same time, but when you find him you know he will stay a long time.

You don't know his name - or at least you shouldn't know, it's not nice to overhear conversations - you don't know who he is, you just know that the first time something entered him it made you hold your breath. You don't even know what has caused you so much upset at a simple glance; it's not his extravagant style, it's not his piercings or his intricate tattoos. They are not even his strange and sometimes scary eyes. They are not those caressing, sweet and persuasive ways with which he seems to behave as usual, and not even the calm ironic words he occasionally addresses to the one who serves behind the counter. No, it's none of this, or maybe it's all this, but you don't know it, you can't understand it.

Today he smiled at you. The place wasn't too crowded, and his look had turned to you at the chirping of the bell. How bizarre as a face that threatens so much aggression it is capable of such delicacy.

You wonder if he knows how much your eyes touch him every time you meet him. Maybe yes, but he doesn't really care.

His decorated fingers are absent-mindedly tucked into the handle of the cup, his hair today is gathered in a rather messy half-ponytail. You don't know if he did it on purpose or if he just didn't pay much attention to it.

For a second you get lost following his profile line. His lips are slightly parted, he is listening.

You choose to seize the moment, and your freshly sharpened pencil glides over the slightly textured paper, sketching indefinite sketches. You have plenty of time to improve them.

You don't really remember since you started drawing Uta - as the man in the coffee shop calls him, and for you he is the only reference you can rely on - only, suddenly the block that had taken possession of your artistic skills was suddenly loose. Whoever that man was, you wanted to draw him.

From there, his face started to appear more and more often in your drawings, and from there he started to inspire you, he started to make you imagine.

"Beautiful, he is really beautiful." You thought immediately, and at the beginning it was nothing more. Then, slowly, over time that "beautiful" had extended beyond his physical boundary, also touching his attitude, his voice, his expressions.

You never really talked to him - out of shyness, or maybe not to break that magic - but it's not important. That's okay, you've started to get attached to him, you've begun to hope that he can be okay, that he can be happy, and it doesn't matter who he is or who he isn't. His mere presence has given you so much.

Today it is a coincidence that you and he get up at the same time from your respective seats. He surely didn't notice, and neither did you, as you put your sketchbook back in your bag.

It is not rush hour, and even if you are far away you can see him well. He is so calm, while he keeps his balance clinging effortlessly to the steel tube. His eyes look beyond the glass, although there is little to see. But maybe they see much more? You wonder what he is thinking, what can a person like him think? Who knows how he lives, you wouldn't even know how to attribute a precise age to him.

He is quicker than you to get out, and you are still settling your bill. It's not like you want to chase him, you're not a stalker or a maniac, but he's right in front of you. It is a coincidence. It is also a coincidence when he takes the subway with you.

Your stop passes by, and this time it is no coincidence.

Shinjuku is his station, apparently. Yes, it suits him, it's a suitable environment for him, at least you think. The frenetic lights and noises make the neighborhood alive even in the evening dusk. It is not a bad place to pass the time, it is full of attractions, activities and culture.

You feel a bit dirty following him like this, but it's not something you can really command. You just want to know who he is, your muse. You would like to be close to him, you would like to ask him questions, but at the same time you are afraid. You are afraid of seeing him disappear, scared of you. Who will fill your blank pages if he leaves? But how come you could justify your behavior towards him? Would he ever understand the beauty he represents for your artist eyes?

When he disappears among the people it's not that big of a problem. You don't want to interfere in his business, after all you just wanted to have him close a little longer, at least close to your eyes.

But even if you didn't see him anymore, you didn't regret having extended your trip a little. Tokyo could inspire an artist more than people thought, and your sketchbook is back in your hands, to sketch what came to you - and from time to time to look back at that face that is taking shape more and more. below the details you have come to know by now.

There, in that district of the capital, if you take enough alleys and go down enough steps, you can reach hidden areas away from the eyes of tourists. Sure, they might seem insignificant and at times creepy, but for someone like you the small traditional shop on the corner, or the writing on the wall that would be poorly tolerated in the city center, has such a particular charm, so intense that it makes you imagine stories, and eyes that never existed.

And it is while the graphite of your pencil draws more or less regular shadows on a creature that looks so much like that tabby cat looking for food in the alley, that something makes your blood run cold.

A cry, a cry of terror. It was sharp, scratchy, but immediately suffocated, or rather, broken.

And it is then that looking up to the sky you see the night. It is not the case for someone like you to be in those areas with darkness that has fallen.

And that's why you don't bother thinking about that scream, you just think about going back through those alleys, and as quickly as possible.

But for you the world is bigger than for any human being, and your feet stop, your breath freezes in your chest.

There is no light, you are alone, but taking refuge behind the wall like a mouse, your eyes too used to observing see it immediately.

Him. It's him. Him, and his eyes light up hot. In the light glow of the moon and the flickering artificial lights you can see blood-colored veins that like roots mark his nocturnal sclera up to affect the pale skin.

His arms always dyed with black weaves are now covered in red, as are his hungry lips, his face up to his nose.

You know perfectly well what is happening, you know that that mass of flesh at his feet is a man he has just killed, to devour him.

You know what he is, and it scares you. How could it not? Yet it is precisely that fear that inspires you, that makes you take the figure of him in the dim light. As many details as possible are frantically marked on the paper, everything you need to remember.

"Beautiful" is everything your confused and terrified mind can think as you start running unaware of the fact that he saw you - or rather, he smelled you -, but luckily for you too late. . . .

"I don't know anything about it."

You don't know if actually the case those investigators are investigating is actually the killing - or the post-killing - you witnessed, but it doesn't really matter. Your words come out with such an ease that you are amazed too.

You wonder which god is angry with you for letting you cross their path and their eyes, is it your punishment for asking for help?

Maybe wandering around the back streets of Shinjuku makes you suspicious? Probably. But it doesn't matter, you really don't know anything. You are ready to forget everything in order to protect him. You can not miss it. He is your subject, your art.

You hold your sketchbook to your chest, protective.

"I didn't know there were ghouls in the area… is it really that dangerous?" It's not that you like to lie, but the more you can mislead those people, the more you can avoid danger to him, so don't blame yourself. It's the right thing, it's right that he has the chance to live.

"We don't have precise information, but it would be better not to wander alone in such isolated places, especially if the day is ending."

Looking up at the sky you realize that the sky is slowly turning on the evening colors. Who knows what you really expected. Were you seriously hoping to find him? Maybe Shinjuku was just a stop for him that day. Or maybe you are the cause why you don't come across him anymore, not even at the cafeteria.

“Now that I know, I'll try to be careful. I'll finish quickly and go home right away. "

The man in front of you smiles, his eyes scan the surroundings come to make sure you are safe: "Well, if you see something strange, even a suspicious trace, please contact us."

You agree. He gives you the impression of a good-hearted man, that agent, and you silently thank him as he and his companions walk away from you.

The world is cruel. It is cruel, but you don't even know in what respect, because it can be so cruel and so generous at the same time. So kind and so unfair.

And while in solitude your free mind wanders among those thoughts, something makes you quickly return to the ground, rushes you, crushes you.

A stabbing pain takes you to the right side of your body, like a burning fire throbs and quivers in your torn muscles, starting from the hollow between the neck and shoulder.

You would scream, but you are prevented, because a cold hand presses on your lips forcefully.

You don't really think about what's happening, you don't have time to think. All you can do is wriggle desperately, even though the strength holding you back is far superior to yours.

That pain repeats itself, more overwhelming on the open wound, and this time you can at least turn around in the arms of torture. And everything stops.

His beautiful face, the face you searched for so intensely is there, a few inches from yours. His eyes look at you, they scan you. His tongue licks your blood and his arms tighten you against him to keep you from running away.

Have you ever had him so close? Do not you think. You don't think he has ever looked at you as directly as he is doing right now.

But you don't have time, you have no way of thinking. The blood slips away, your eyesight darkens and your body loses sensitivity with every passing second.

The world is so kind to grant you that closeness, and so cruel to give you so little time to enjoy what you have so desired.

"Beautiful ..." You manage to murmur, and maybe that's really all you want to tell him. Your hand rests cold and delicate on his face, touching his pale cheek. His night-colored tuft lightly tickles your numb knuckles, and his confused gaze is the last thing you see. . . .

How long hadn't anyone caressed him like that? Had anyone ever caressed him like that?

Uta hadn't really looked for you, even though he recognized you, for some reason he just avoided meeting you again. It was the riskiest choice for him, yet he had subconsciously decided to give you that chance, to the little artist in the coffee shop.

But you were there, so close to him, in his domain. He had smelled you, so what could he do?

Yet you weren't behaving like everyone else. He didn't believe he could see such warmth in human eyes, ready to give in to forced sleep, and the bite had been held back. He still feels the sweetness and tenderness of your flesh running down his throat, but he has held back from giving you the coup de grace. A sign of respect for an artist like him? Or just too risky curiosity?

And your hand moved away from him too soon, slumping along his arm with a dead weight.

From your chest your black-covered notebook slips to the ground, you had held it tight all the time despite your injured shoulder.

His pupils scrutinize the object with distrust and curiosity. Probably he should kill you before he feels free to browse, yet now he is there, bent over. His long moon fingers and night-colored interlacing turn the pages with a light and quick gesture.

There are drawings of animals, people, objects. You're good, really good, he likes your style.

But that is not all. He could have foreseen it, he could have suspected since your eyes touched him so much, yet it was as if in his vision this was impossible. Despite this impossibility, one's face looks at him, and turning the page it is still there, only from another point of view. There are drawings of him in every perspective, with expressions that not even he realizes he has - probably no one has ever noticed -; some portraits are detailed, some are colored, some are just sketches that, despite everything, reflect him, while still others are started and never finished, deleted and thrown away as errors.

He is really beautiful.

You even wrote it down. You have written a lot, you have taken note of the details of him.

Uta doesn't know how he actually feels. How is he feeling? He feels a shyness on him that is not his own. Is it embarrassment? Maybe, in part. In part it's confusion, and in part ... how long hasn't someone considered him with the tenderness with which you did? You had watched him from afar for so long, and so intensely.

He obviously understood your interest, every time he greeted you cordially it was a confirmation, but he didn't think there was such a stupid sincerity in your feelings.

As he continues to turn the cream-colored pages, he notices that some pages are torn. He doesn't really give weight to them, he also does it when a work of his does not satisfy him, despite your mistakes being present several times in the notebook.

The last page is still him, he is smiling. He wonders if he really smiles like that. He looks really handsome, and he doesn't know if he's real or your eyes have affected that image to make his face so kind and serene.

A soft sigh blows between his lips as he closes your treasure. Yet, before he can complete the action, something blocks him.

On the bottom, on the hard cover, the internal part reproduces the black of the external facade. He probably wouldn't have noticed anything strange if his eye wasn't used to being attentive.

Sticking his fingers into the crack under that black, he manages to retrieve a slightly protruding sheet, one of the sheets you tore.

On paper, the dark traces form his figure again, but this time something is different. He is different.

He is a ghoul in that drawing. He is bent over his victim, his placid face stained with blood, like his arms. He is imposing above the figure you have represented in the shadow.

Yet despite this, he is not ugly or cruel. You made it beautiful anyway, natural. Yes, you simply grasped his nature, you grasped the beauty in his nature and brought it back to paper, as a work of art.

It's not finished yet, his critical eye saw it well. Maybe that's why you hid it? Why were you dying to complete it during your days, to always have it with you, but were you afraid it would be discovered? Did you tear up so many pages for this? To deprive prying eyes of discovering his nature through your drawings?

Honestly, were you really protecting him, in your own way?

He had distractedly heard you talking to the Doves, and hadn't given it any weight - always because it was impossible, in his eyes - but now, in front of himself so sweetly admired by your shy eyes, he can't help admitting that something it moves in his stomach, like agitated butterflies.

Perhaps it is the interest in having been made a work of art by such skilled hands, or a sense of esteem that overwhelms him when he realizes that he is in front of a skilled artist, or perhaps, deep down, it is a simple motion of affection he can't help but feel for amazing human beings like you. Even while he was killing you, you didn't speak out against him. You are stranger than Tsugumi.

Uta may be crazy, but he is not insensitive, on the contrary, it is his sensitivity that makes him so uncomfortable in the world.

He feels you tremble and suddenly remembers he has you in his arms. He hadn't noticed that he had kept you with such care; your lifeless head, resting on his chest, rises and falls to the rhythm of his breaths.

Look at your suffering face, in his lap you are getting colder and colder and the nectarine blood continues to dirty both your clothes and his.

You can die, but the wounds he inflicted on you are not fatal in themselves - luckily -.

Will you forgive him for tasting your body? Probably yes. He doesn't know you, but he has already understood you, and now he wants to understand more. . . .

The warmth envelops you, all you perceive is a warm and placid relief.

Your clouded mind only asks you one question: "Are you dead?"

You don't really know why you should be, you just know that there is that possibility. Yet, slowly, a physicality settles on you, making you return to earth, away from the world of ideas.

Your fingers barely move and your sensitivity feels warmth and softness. The shoulder burns.

Your eyelids vibrate before venturing to lift again wondering if you really are living.

The light is dim, the environment is unfamiliar to you and yet you perceive something you know, even if you don't really know what it is. A sensation? A smell?

"Hey…"

A gentle, light, friendly voice. Maybe it's a bit hypocritical of him, but what does it matter to you? You're probably dreaming, he really killed you and that's your hell. It's not that bad if you can spend your pains admiring him.

His blood-colored and strawberry-colored eyes scan you attentively, there is no threat in his features, only a barely hinted smile, a smile that you adore, and a greeting from him that for some reason makes your rhythm pick up again your heart: "Good morning."

[wrenhyperfixates]

Perfect

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: After much research and seeking out advice from Tony, Loki asks you on a date. Warnings: dialogue heavy and an adorably awkward Loki A/N: Thank you for requesting @akhansen2800! I hope you enjoy :) 

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

The common room was a mess, thanks to the trickster god. There was paper and books littered all over the floor. Not to mention bits and pieces from the computer he may or may not have smashed against the ground. It really was hardly his fault, though; it was the insipid machine that dared defy him.

“Woah, Reindeer Games,” Tony said, walking in, sidestepping the junk on the ground. “Did a tornado hit or something?”

“Oh, very funny, Stark. If you ask me, it is an improvement over this drab decor you have picked,” Loki quipped, eyes never leaving the page he was reading.

“No, how could you! My heart, it can’t take this,” Tony overdramatically gasped, flopping on top of the papers strewn on the couch. “Goodbye, cruel world.”

“Your theatrics never cease to amaze me,” Loki sighed, finally looking up at the man he’d come to call friend. “And that says a lot, coming from me.”

“You’re right, it’s high praise.” Tony picked up one of the papers he’d crinkled from laying on top of. “What is all this, anyway?”

Just because Loki considered Tony a friend, didn’t mean he necessarily wanted to say what he was doing. He was still a rather closed off person and, in all honesty, preferred to avoid any and all talks about his emotions. Which, of course, brings him right back to why he’s sitting in the middle of this mess, anyway. His emotions, which, despite his best efforts, he did still have.

Loki stood up and stretched his muscles, achy from being hunched over his reading material for so long.  He snatched away the page Tony was perusing, only for him to grab another one to skim. Realizing any effort to keep confiscating the papers one at a time would be fruitless, Loki moved it all to his room with a snap of his fingers. Then he sat next to his companion and began wringing his hands in that awful nervous tic of his. Truth be told, he could use some advice, but that only brought him back to square one of having to talk about his feelings. Tony leaned back on the couch while patiently awaiting Loki’s answer.

“I was doing some research,” Loki finally admitted. “On some Midgardian things.”

“That’s cute, Reindeer, but you could just ask me. Or maybe Peter if it's a pop culture thing.”

“It is not.” Loki wondered how much he could beat around the bush before he either had to give up on the conversation or genuinely say what was wrong. “It is just something I am not entirely sure how to go about.”

“I’m great at giving advice.”

“No, you are not,” Loki rolled his eyes.

“Sure I am!” Tony exclaimed, feigning hurt. “How would you know, anyway? You’ve never actually asked me for any.”

“Maybe not, but I have seen the way you live your own life, Stark.”

“That’s entirely different,” he said with a wave of his hand. “Come on, give me a chance. Fire away, I’m ready.”

Loki merely rolled his eyes again, though he was actually considering it. He hated to admit it—he really hated to admit it—but Tony had become somewhat of a father figure to him. That was absolutely ridiculous, of course, considering how Loki was a thousand years older than the man. But after his childhood, he’d be silly to reject that kind of relationship. Loki supposed that if he had to go to anyone with this problem, Tony wasn’t a terrible option. Besides, he should probably let himself be emotionally vulnerable very once in a while, right? That was supposed to be good or something, he thought. So, he steeled himself, and told Tony his issue.

“There is this Midgardian that I know. They are very sweet and kind and perfect... I mean, they are as bearable as a Midgardian can be,” Loki covered up, blushing slightly from how much he had just revealed. “I would like to ask them to spend some time with me, but I am not sure how.”

“Awww, you have a crush,” Tony cooed. “How sweet. You want to ask them out.”

“No,” Loki protested, stubborn as ever. Tony just raised his eyebrows at him. “Ok, fine! Yes, I would like to take them on a date, but I am dreadfully lacking in knowledge on Midgardian dating etiquette.”

“You’ve come to the right place,” Tony grinned. “Oh and take notes.”

And so, Loki spent the next two and a half hours listening to Tony ramble on. Most of it was just him going on rather useless tangents about his own endeavors in love. The God of Mischief rolled his eyes so many times, he began to fear they might roll out of his head. His notes, at least, were pretty amusing. Ok, to call them notes may be a little generous. They were mainly silly doodles of Tony monologuing, with the few helpful things he said jotted in the margins. He got so invested in one of his little caricatures that he didn’t even notice Tony stopped speaking.

“Hey, that’s not what I look like,” Tony pouted, peering at the drawing.

“Well nothing you were saying was helping, Stark.” Loki put the note pad in one of his dimensional pockets. “I am not like you. I am not a flashy person when it comes to matters of the heart.”

“Oh, so you want to go the be yourself way. You know, the sappy speeches and flowers and chocolates direction.”

Loki perked up a bit. “Yes. Yes, that sounds splendid.”

Tony sighed and gave Loki a list of movies to watch. And told him to speak from the heart. That troubled Loki; no one ever really cared to listen to him speak before. But, he dutifully watched all the assigned movies, supplemented by some of the books he was still combing through.

After a week of preparation and many, many drafts of a speech to say to you, Loki was finally ready to ask you out. Donning his best Midgardian suit, he walked out of his room, greeted by a bright flash of light. Tony was standing there, camera in hand.

“Look, at my little boy,” he fake cried. “All grown up.”

“Stark, will your antics ever stop?” Loki looked at the camera out of the corner of his eye. “And delete that photo, I was not ready.”

“Nope. It’s payback for all those unflattering doodles. Now, go get ‘em, Reindeer. Remember: Just be yourself.”

Easier said than done, Loki thought as he called upon his seiðr, teleporting to your street. You were an employee at Stark Tower; that’s how the two of you met. Loki had been looking for his brother, his search taking him into the cafeteria, one of his least favorite places in the whole building. It was always too loud and populated for someone who liked his silence and solitude. The sheer number of people in the room was overwhelming to the god that day, but he needed to speak with Thor, and he’d searched just about every other place his brother could be. He could not spot him in the crowd, but his eyes landed on you, off near a corner at a table alone and reading a book. He cast one last nervous look around the room before heading towards where you were, his social anxiety kicking in.

“Hello,” he said after clearing his throat.

You looked up at him with a dreamy sort of gleam in your eye that revealed how enchanted you’d been with your book. It gave Loki a little boost of confidence to know that that happened to you, too. That you could get so lost in a story that the world around you disappeared. It calmed his racing heart a little.

“Oh uh, hi,” you greeted with a chipper smile. Then more nervously, added, “It’s Loki, right?”

“Yes, that is correct. Loki of Asgard, pleased to make your acquaintance,” he said, sweeping into a small bow. “And you are?”

You told him his name, extending your hand for a shake. “How can I help you?”

“I am looking for my brother, but I cannot find him. You have not seen him around, have you?”

“I actually did see him earlier, though I’m not sure- Wait!” you suddenly exclaimed, and Loki followed your gaze. “He’s over there.”

Loki gulped. Of course his brother was at the table in the center of the room, surrounded by people. He really needed to talk to him about a mission, but the thought of going over there was making his stomach feel queasy. He tried to take a step forward, but his feet were apparently glued to the floor.

“Hey, if you’re nervous about going over there, I get it. Crowds can be scary,” you said, picking up on his subtle fidgeting. “The room usually clears out significantly in about ten minutes from now. I, um, was going to that little cafe over in the corner and get some tea or coffee, if you want to come.” Loki stared at you for a moment, unused to being invited places, especially by mortals he did not know. You seemed to mistake his silence, though, and rushed to assure him he didn’t have to. “Sorry, that was probably stupid. You’re under no obligation to say yes, of course. I understand.”

“No! I mean, yes.” He sighed and mentally smacked himself. Ever since moving to Midgard, his silver tongue was not what it used to be around strangers. “I mean, no that is not stupid, and yes, I would like to go to that cafe with you.”

And go to that cafe you did, launching into an animated conversation about reading. Loki even made you laugh, which felt like a huge accomplishment to him. The both of you sat back down at your table with your warm drinks, still chatting. There were very few people Loki ever felt so relaxed with, especially so soon after meeting them. You didn’t talk about anything groundbreaking, but he enjoyed talking to a kindred spirit. Somehow you even got a smile tugging at his lips, getting wider by the minute.

True to what you’d said, the room noticeably emptied nearly ten minutes later. With only a few people left and after such an amazing conversation, Loki was sure he could go grab his brother out of the room. But that was the problem; the conversation was too amazing, and he didn’t want it to end. And it seemed you didn’t either.

“Hey, um, maybe this is weird, but do you maybe want to talk again sometime? Like if you ever need a friend or are bored or anything?” you ventured.

“I would love that,” he genuinely replied.

You quickly wrote down your number and, after double and triple checking it, handed it to him. He tucked it safely away in one of his inner pockets before getting up and you bidding you goodbye. Then, in a better mood than he’d been in in a long time, Loki waltzed over to Thor’s table and successfully extracted him from the few people still clinging to his every word. He glanced back at you one last time before exiting, and you gave him a small, somewhat shy wave. He returned it along with a smile.

Loki kept that all in his heart as he walked up to your door, finger hovering by the bell for a minute. Maybe this was silly. No, this was definitely ridiculous. But, if he stood here any longer, your neighbors would probably think he was some crazy person.

Really, he shouldn’t be so nervous. You talked all the time since that day of your first meeting, and you’d never seemed bothered by him before. Not even when he started bringing surprise morning coffees to your desk. Or when he started leaving you books he thought you might like. Or when he started giving you little hugs when you seemed down. In fact, you seemed touched by all that. But this was all so new to him, so different from anything he’d known before. What if he was reading it all wrong? Before he could talk himself out if it, he rang the bell.

He heard you shout that you were coming in response. He quickly adjusted his tie and then stood with the flowers hidden behind his back. He made sure to get a bouquet of your favorites. You opened the door and your mouth made an adorable little “o” of surprise before your lips formed a sweet smile.

“Loki!” you greeted, smoothing down your sweatshirt. “I wasn’t expecting you. Don’t get me wrong, though. It’s great to see you. Um, do you want to come in? The place is kind of a mess right now, but-”

Loki whipped out the flowers from behind him, making you cut out in surprise. He stared at his feet and nervously mumbled, “These are for you.”

“Loki, these are so beautiful. This is so sweet. Thank you.” You gave him one of those shy smiles that he loved so much. “I feel bad, I don’t have anything for you.”

“That is quite alright. I have come here to ask you something.”

“Oh! Ok. I’m all ears.”

Loki smiled at the Midgardian expression, calming him a little. “We have been friends for some time now, and I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute—nay, every second—I have spent with you. You are the most kindhearted being I have ever met, beautiful both inside and out. And thus, I find myself wanting something more than friendship, if you will allow it. My dear, sweet, darling little mortal, will you do me the honor of going on a date with me?”

“Oh, Loki,” you breathed. “That was beautiful. I would absolutely love to go on a date with you.”

He cheered on the inside, and you hugged him close. After you pulled away, the two of you stood there for a minute, smiling like dorks. It seemed to Loki that no matter how badly he wanted to say something else, the only thought occupying his brain was that you said yes. He could hardly believe you said yes.

“So, uh, what are we going to do on our date?” you sheepishly asked.

Loki’s face dropped. He couldn’t believe how foolish he was. “I do not know yet. I knew there was something I was forgetting. I am sorry, darling.”

“That’s ok, Loki,” you kindheartedly laughed. “Tell you what, there’s a bookstore with the most adorable little cafe in it, just a couple blocks from here. Why don’t we go there?”

“That sounds perfect,” he replied, his smile returning already. “How does tomorrow sound? I can come pick you up around noon?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

You stared at each for another minute, those same goofy grins that gave away how happy you were plastered on your faces. When Loki began to overthink how awkward he probably looked, he found it in himself to tear his eyes away from your beauty.

“So I shall see you tomorrow then,” he nervously said.

“Yup! See you then,” you replied, your nerves equaling his own.

After a quick hug and waving goodbye to each other, you parted ways. Soon, Loki was back home in the Tower, happily sprawled on the sofa, book in hand.

“Hey Reindeer Games,” Tony greeted. “So, how’d it go? Was I right, or was I right?”

“As much as it pains me to admit it, Stark, you were right.” Loki smiled to himself, already daydreaming about your date. “It was perfect.”

Loki found that after so much anxiety and uncertainness, there was finally one thing he knew; tomorrow was going to be perfect, too.

[thebrochtuarachs]

Something in the Rain - “Finding Solid Ground”

A/N:  Hi all! This chapter has been in the drafts for quite sometime now but I only had the time to pick up the writing. Thank you so much for your patience with my slow updates but rest assured, I absolutely love this story and daydream about the chapters ahead. As always, your comment and suggestions help a lot moving this story forward. Hope you all are keeping safe and healthy! Till the next one!

AO3  / C1: A Day In June : C2: Definitely, Maybe : C3: So We Meet Again : C4: Friday Lunch

XXXXX

She was 45 minutes late.

Claire was running as fast as she could, catching some curious eyes on her as she raced towards Mrs. Kim’s Korean Street Food Hub to hopefully, still catch Jamie for their lunch.

She got off from her morning surgery quite late due to some complications but she still went as courtesy and because, in all honesty, she still wanted to see him. Their last encounter kind of left them in an awkward place and she was hoping that this meeting could help clarify some things. She has been waiting for this all week but alas, life (and medicine) had other plans.

Claire entered the store and knew instantly that he wasn’t there. The place was empty after the lunch rush and she sighed in disappointment.

“Claire!” Mrs. Kim suddenly called out. “This is for you, left by your friend”, she said while handing her a piece of paper.

“Thank you” Claire replied, opening it on spot.

Hi Claire,

Sorry, I left before you arrived but I have to get back to the office. Don’t worry about the wait, I really don’t mind but I just have a packed schedule today.

Forgive me if this is too forward but here’s my number. No pressure! Just figured we can text or call whenever is a better time to catch up. Just hit me up when you feel like it and I’ll be on the other line.

I do hope to hear from you soon. If not, I’ll be here next Friday, same time :)

Jamie

Claire did not waste any more time and punched in Jamie’s mobile number to call. After three rings, he answered.

“Hello?”

“Jamie? It’s me, Claire.”

“Claire, hi! I see you got my note.”

“I did. I am so sorry. My surgery ran a little bit long and…”

“Don’t worry, I figured that must be it.” he said cheerfully, cutting her off before she went into a long explanation. “I mean, you save lives and all, couldn’t be angry about that.”

Claire sighed relief on the other line and couldn’t believe just how understanding he is. So understanding that she’s starting to wonder if he’s even real. She hasn't really met anyone that chivalrous and it captures her.

“Oh, wow. Thank you - and thank you for the note and your number. My guilt would’ve eaten me alive if I couldn’t apologize to you.”

“You don’t think it was too forward?”

“No, not at all. To be honest, I was going to ask it last week before we got, erm, interrupted.”

“Well, that’s good to know. And in any case, I would’ve given it.” Jamie said.

She could hear his smile from the other line and she couldn’t help but smile too.

“Anyhow,” Claire followed. “I am so sorry I missed you today. To make up for it, would you happen to be doing anything tomorrow?”

“Hmm, let me check." Jamie checked his board calendar. "Nope, my weekend is free. Anything you had in mind?”

“Well, if you’re up for it, I’d like to invite you to the center tomorrow, see what we’re doing with the kids. Fair warning though, they get a little rowdy sometimes.”

“I’m game! Text me the details and what time to meet you.”

“Really? Great! Sure, I’ll text you the details in a bit”

“Will wait for it. Claire, sorry to cut this short but I have to run to a meeting. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Oh no, please. Go ahead. I’ll see you tomorrow, Alright, bye!”

-

It was a Saturday, two weeks since their encounter by the crossing, and now she’s waiting for him to arrive and bring him to one of the most special places for her.

Claire hadn’t absolutely thought through what inviting Jamie to the center would mean. Reflecting on yesterday, a part of Claire thought she may have panicked and this invite might’ve been a mistake. On another end was a part of her that was excited to see him and if she was really being honest, spend time with him, and show her the work they have been doing.

She had told her their meeting story and the extended invite to her friends and staff but left out the part about their lunches. She messaged the team on WhatsApp about their upcoming guest and her inbox has blown with messages asking her for more details about the man himself. She messaged that they’ll be able to find out for themselves tomorrow when they meet him and turned off her phone.

“Claire?” Deep in thought she hadn’t seen or hear Jamie arrive. “You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. Spaced out there for a bit” she embarrassingly admitted.

“A penny for your thoughts?” Jamie asked as Claire pointed the way in.

“Erm, nothing much. Just thinking about giving you fair warning about everyone upstairs. They’re quite curious about you, Jamie Fraser.” she said jokingly the half truth.

Jamie got a bit nervous suddenly and Claire felt it. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll save you if they get too rowdy. Be ready to answer questions though." She said, smiling, hoping to ease his thoughts.

“Is any topic off limits? Should I not mention anything to them?”

“I leave it to you. But if you ask me, just be yourself and charm everyone away”

Jamie chuckled and Claire turned to him. “What?”

“You think I’m charming?”

Claire laughed and smacked him in the arm. “Oh, bug off!”

“I’ll take that as a yes”

“Anyway!” Claire interrupted. “Today’s event is just art and crafts and a story session. The rest, the kids can do and play how ever they like. I usually just play with any kid who asks me to and time just flies and suddenly, the afternoon is done.”

“Got it. I honestly hope I can help more than distract or whatever”

“Pssh, you’ll be fine, Jamie. You’ll be fine”

--

The moment the elevator doors opened, a line of people greeted Jamie and Claire at the entrance.

“Hello, everyone” Claire greeted but to her surprise, no one spoke or moved. Everyone was just looking at Jamie. “This is Jamie. Jamie Fraser, our guest for today���

She ushered them closer to the stunned group and began to introduce them one by one.

Mary, the receptionist and admin assistant.

Mrs. Graham, the secretariat and head of operations.

Joe, also a surgeon from Claire’s hospital.

Frank, the history professor he’d met a week earlier.

Geilis, a botanist and herbalist.

“It’s nice to meet you all. Thank you for having me this afternoon.” Jamie said and it was only then that the ice was broken.

“Hi, Jamie was it? Can I call you Jamie?” Mrs. Graham prodded.

“Yes, Mam”

“Alright, this way. Let me show you around”

As Mrs. Graham swept Jamie away for a short tour, the rest of the group crowded Claire with questions.

“Okay, he is even more handsome than in the pictures!” Geilis excitedly said.

“Pictures?” Claire asked.

“Ugh, I sometimes forget you’re a doctor who needs to catch up to the times” Geilis pinched her nose jokingly. “Jamie was named one of Scotland’s most eligible bachelors in a tatler magazine last year. There’s pretty striking photos of him in a tux and in casual clothes.”

“I remember that issue. Gail had one lying in the house and I happen to peruse it one time. You’re right, the pictures don’t do him justice.” Joe chimed in.

“I had no idea. I mean, I just literally bumped into the guy on the street!” Claire said, a curiosity pooling in her mind. She had to look for that magazine later.

“Such a meet-cute story. Ugh, Claire! It’s like something out of the books or movies” Geilis added.

“Psh, he seems too manly for me. I mean, who is that fit and that put together.” Frank mused.

“I think he’s quite charming” Joe added.

“If you ask me, Claire, I don’t know what’s going on between you two but keep it going” Geilis added.

“Aish, nothing is going on. I just extended a polite invite to make up for - “ Claire stopped as Jamie and Mrs. Graham arrived back, thankful for the Interruption.

“Make up for what?” Geilis asked, not missing that info.

“Oh, nothing.”

“Mhm” Geilis hummed raising an eyebrow to Claire. She’ll pull it out of her later.

---

It was a long but fun afternoon for everyone.

Afterwards, one by one, the space cleared out, the kids were picked up, saying goodbye to the staff with some even approaching and waving at Jamie as they left, leaving him with a heartwarming feeling.

“Well, another successful weekend, folks!” Frank called out and the team gave themselves applause.

“Great job to Joe and Mary for taking on the storytelling and painting sessions this afternoon and I would also like to thank our guest, Jamie, for being patient and helpful with the kids” Mrs. Graham added, earning another group applause.

“Thank ye, I hope I helped at all today but otherwise, I enjoyed today and thank ye for inviting me.” Jamie shared.

“Come join us anytime” Joe patted him on the back. “Alright, everyone, have a goodnight. See you all next week, I’ll bring Gail and Lenny along.” With that he made a way for the elevator and it was everyone’s cue to leave.

Claire approached Jamie just as he was going to her. “Well, how are you and how was it?” she asked. If she expected to spend time with Jamie, well, it didn’t happen. First, he was whisked away by Mrs. Graham. Afterwards, it was Joe asking help to build his set. Next up was Mary who got him assisting on getting and serving the food, and the rest of the time, it was kids calling out on Jamie here and there and he was more than happy to oblige.

“Fun and a little bit tiring” he replied and Claire gave a small laugh. “But in all honesty, thank ye for inviting me to come here. Made me miss my niece and nephew”

“I’m glad you had fun and I’m glad you got to see what we’re doing here.”

Jamie might be overthinking things but he knew that Claire sharing this part of her to him seems like a big thing and he intends to cherish that.

“Anyway, I’d like to offer to drive ye home...or to the nearest bus stop” he added, panicking he put her in a tight spot.

Claire paused, eyed him jokingly, intentionally making him more flush and nervous.

“I’d take that offer but” she began and Jamie swallowed the lump on his throat, “I actually live nearby so we don’t need to drive”

“Okay,” Jamie sighed in relief which Claire found very cute. “Lead the way, then”

[yukipri]

Bad Batch end of season thoughts/ramble, bc it's been a week and I just wanna get it all off my chest...

(end of season spoilers and very disorganized rambling)

First off, I do want to say that I enjoyed watching the show. It fulfilled its primary purpose: entertainment. It was nice having something to look forward to every week, and even though it wasn't quite what I was expecting, it was fun. The animation was gorgeous, I liked all the references and tie ins. I will likely watch it again, and will watch season 2. This is by no means meant to be a hate post.

That being said, it is critical so please just skip if you're not into that!

The thing is...it takes very, Very little for me to love a clone. He doesn't need lines, or a face, or even a name, and the default is that I will love him. He can even be a little bastard, like Slick, and it's fine. I always want to know more about them, and wish they had more screen time and time in general to develop their characters. So given that we were getting 16 (20 eps total if we count TCW S7 pilot arc) centered around these guys, I was expecting to absolutely adore them by the end.

And I wanted to love the Bad Batch, I wanted to love them so damn much, and I tried. But I think one of the reasons why they never fully clicked for me was that their thing seems to be "we're unique, we never fit in, we're outsiders in our own home, among the people who are supposed to be our own family, and so we've found our home with each other."

Which! That's usually a wonderful message, and not a particularly rare or unique one either for stories! I usually dig these kinds of stories!

The problem here is the extremely unique situation of the clones. They are literally created to be identical, brain washed to be uniform. They must conform, or are killed off by their creators, and their conformity isn't a choice in the slightest, but one of fear and necessity.

Their uniformity is something that they are also entirely aware of--it's unavoidable, they're clones. Once out in the real galaxy, they all strive to find and establish unique identities for themselves, struggling against a galaxy that just wants them to be faceless products. It's a shared struggle, and all they have are each other, and their brotherhood is sacred as a result. Shunning unique identity is the opposite of who a clone is--it's what they all want.

So on one hand, it's understandable that the Batch stuck out (when all others who would have also stuck out were culled, when individuality isn't allowed). It's understandable that they would have yearned for the brotherhood shared by the other clones, and when they couldn't have it, they stuck closer to each other. It's even understandable that they would feel bitter, having experienced bullying at the hands of the other clones (but isn't it also understandable that the other clones would feel bitter that the Batch gets special treatment, when their own brothers with less-than-beneficial mutations were taken by the Kaminoans to never return?).

And so we have this batch of clones, who the Kaminoans call "mutated," but also specify that their mutations are "desirable" (implying what happens to mutations that are undesirable...). They have their own unique unit, in which they're able to improvise and act freely with seemingly little to no oversight, so long as they complete their mission. No Jedi to obey, no nat-born officers who look down on them. In fact, they look so different from standard clone troopers that most of the galaxy probably don't even know they are clones. They have their own ship (personalized), they have their own possessions (which we don't really see any other clones have), they have their own barracks (probably also very unique), and they even have access to superior weapons and armor (most of the Batch, minus Echo, seem to be wearing modified Katarn-class armor which is supposed to be for Commandos. we KNOW it holds up better than standard trooper armor).

So I'm sure they had some unpleasant experiences growing up, and I do get it. But at least at "present" end of clone wars, they honestly seem to be living infinitely better than all other clones? They still need to follow orders but they have more freedom, and perhaps most importantly, they have clear uniqueness that is denied almost all other clones. And yes, some of the clones on Kamino bully them, but we've seen NONE of the "regular" clones that we know to be particularly nasty to them, and in fact it's Crosshair who starts it by calling them "Regs."

And how does the Batch respond to this situation? By acting superior. It's Crosshair who says and it believes this firmly, and I do feel that the others are likely mostly influenced by this, but it's also true that Hunter, Wrecker, and Tech don't really deny this either. They don't like the "regs," they do act like they're "better." Poor Echo, who they repeatedly seem to forget is in the room, and who they call "machine" and such...yikes yo

So I guess the point is, I just really struggled to feel sympathetic towards them, and was already on a kinda eh about their premise. They're marketed as "the special clone squad"--and yet they're not nice to the clones I love. I thought that wasn't great, but also hoped that the series would work towards them understanding the other clones better, and I love character development so that woulda been fine--but, nothing. A glance from Hunter at Howzer. Extended camaraderie from Gregor, who I feel they mostly just tolerate for the mission, other than Echo who genuinely cares.

And on top of feeling not feeling particularly sympathetic towards what I saw as a pretty privileged group of clones, the Batch seems to place primary blame of their woes on the "regs" themselves, who again, honestly seem far worse off! There isn't blame directed at the people who demanded the conformity from the other clones in the first place, that made it so the Batch couldn't fit in. The Batch was modified due to the Kaminoans (and implied specifically Nala Se). She's the reason why they don't fit in. And the Kaminoans are also why the other clones have to be so uniform, why they must fight to be people and not products.

Bitterness and pettiness can be fine in characters. But it's frustrating to see in a group supposed to be competent and elite, especially when those feelings have consequences. Sure, it sucks when someone throws a food tray at you. You can throw food back. It's not an equal reaction to feel no remorse when you shoot that guy dead in a blaster fight, when for all other clones, having to kill another clone is one of the most horrible, tragic things that one can do (thanks, Umbara).

Fives was the only clone to actually point a blaster at Nala Se.

We know Omega has deeply personal history with Nala Se. She was Nala Se's personal medical assistant. We see her cry when she takes off her head ornament that matches Nala Se. We know that being back in the lab gives Omega complicated, and probably not entirely positive feelings. But we barely learn more about this relationship, other than these glimpses.

And I get the feeling that to Omega at least, Nala Se wasn't all terrible. If Omega grew up with mostly only Nala Se for company, she had to have gotten her sheltered outlook on life, and her willingness to help others from somewhere. Nala Se intentionally let Omega go, to be "safe."

I think Omega's adorable, and I do like her. But I wasn't able to fully love her to the extent I wanted to, because there was always the fear that she was involved in the creation and implantation of the chips. She knows about them, she would have been positioned to do so. I want to think she would never, and I was hoping the show would reassure us of that, but it never did. We don't actually know how Omega feels about Nala Se, or even the chips and their presence in other clones. Instead, all we know is that Omega doesn't like "regs."

And again, "they call me lab scrubber," and "I helped put (or am complicit in putting) mind control devices in their heads," are kinda, unequal. Again I hope it's not the case. But it definitely kept me feeling uneasy throughout the show.

It really boils down to I don't trust or forgive Nala Se, and the Batch's lack of stance against her and the other Kaminoans, and clear distaste for their other clone brothers, really puts them in a situation that makes it difficult for me to take their side entirely.

And then gosh, Hunter. During Crosshair's whole "you never came back for me," spiel, I couldn't help but think he's kinda right. He had 15 episodes. Sure, it's difficult to get Crosshair back. But they could have done something. They could have done research. We could have had scenes of them wondering where Crosshair is, discussions on how best to find him, even if that discussion ended in, "but we can't risk it right now." They could have grilled Omega for information on the chips, which they really shoulda done either way, but especially since that knowledge is important to understanding what (they thought had) happened to Crosshair. Instead, they just ran every time Crosshair showed up. The show could have done better to show that they cared, and were trying, instead of just, y'know, doing chores for Cid. One, "I kinda miss him," doesn't really count as working on getting him back, at least in my books.

The sole exception to all of this, of course, is Echo. Who really, he works with the Batch fine, he's a former ARC and can more than keep up. Skillset-wise, he fits in well enough. But this season really made me wonder why he's with them at all. Crosshair's revelation and true feelings at the end of the season were no surprise to me, as they're consistent with what we've seen of him from TCW S7. But for Echo, a former "reg" to have to work with someone like Crosshair...even if Crosshair thought Echo was "different" enough to accept him, those are his brothers that Crosshair thinks he's so superior to, and has no issue speaking disdainfully about.

The increasing tension between Echo and Hunter, Echo's interest in helping Rex, in helping other clones, in doing something...I do hope they reach a point where Echo demands they go help, or he's leaving.

They gave Crosshair a chance, despite the fact that his choices were willing. I really hope Echo can convince the Batch to help save the other clones who don't have a choice. Because even if the Batch doesn't consider them their brothers, they're certainly Echo's. They matter just as much as Crosshair, and I really hope season 2 shows it narratively.

To conclude, again I'm interested in seeing what happens next, and I want answers about Omega and Nala Se. I find it interesting that they tied the facility where they took Nala Se in with the scientist dude collecting data on Grogu in the Mandalorian and those cloning labs. All of this is interesting, but at the same time I feel like it's trying to build up to Snoke/Palpatine stuff in the sequels which...I don't care nearly as much about, but who knows, could be neat ^ ^;

I'm okay with, and have made peace with the fact that the Bad Batch probably isn't the "clones-centric" show I wanted, and that they'll continue their own story, and probably continue to not care much about other clones in upcoming seasons. That's unfortunate, but alright. I'm interested enough in their story too.

But at the same time...I can't help but think man, if they have the time and budget to do a season 2, after seeing what was (or wasn't) accomplished in season 1...I wish they'd also make a Rex/Cody/Wolffe/"regular clones" show, because in the end, if you're going to do a "clones show"....that's who I want to see most.

If you got to the end, thank you for reading, and being an ear to my ranting ^ ^; Again this is literally just getting this off my chest. If this take isn't one you agree with, please just ignore. For people who did fall in love with the Batch, I'm happy for you, and regret that it just couldn't happen for me. But, I'm hoping that S2 will change my mind, but we'll just have to see! ^ ^;

[naughtyneganjdm]

Arcadia - Chapter 4

Summary: After learning how Y/N felt about Negan before they found each other again, Negan does his best to prove to Y/N that he loves and cares for her with the help of his family. Joel decides that he wants Negan to feel more welcome in their family and takes a big step to help that happen.

Characters: Negan, the reader (OC), Joel, Nolan, Lucy, etc.

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, the boys get a little handsy with each other, etc

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29577489/chapters/76904282

Notes: For those that enjoy Negan & Y/N together, you will enjoy the first and the last scenes a bit, I think. The second scene is more of a scene between Negan and Joel. I wanted to write something happy and this story serves as that for me. Thanks for reading with those that do. 

Heading back to the farm, Y/N could feel her body aching after a long day of working in the town. They had her in charge of the construction with adding to the wall protecting Arcadia. With more people being in town, they were working on extending the walls and it had been a lot of work. This was usually something Joel would be doing, but they had Joel helping at the hydroelectric power plant because of the growing power shortages they had been having. They also needed help figuring out how to upgrade things there so Joel was busy doing that. It was a lot of work, but it was something that had to be done and being one of the people in charge Y/N had to step up to take control of things.

Dropping down on the steps to the farm house, Y/N took a minute to herself to gather her thoughts and feelings. She needed to swallow down all the stresses of the day and needed to make sure that she could be the best mother she could be when she walked into that home. Both Negan and Joel had woken up long before her today to go to work, so there would undoubtedly be three of them that would be exhausted today.

Things had been different over the last few weeks. Negan was going above and beyond to prove his point that he loved her after their discussion about their past. It was nice to see him doing things for her, but it wasn’t only with her. It had been with the family as well. Negan was really stepping it up as a father, a member of the household, a member of the community and as a lover in her life. Something had definitely struck with Negan after their heart to heart.

At first she was worried that opening up to him would have been a bad thing because she always hid from him the feelings she had in the past. These were fears and thoughts that were eating away at her for almost twelve years when she thought about Negan. She hated to admit it, but after being with Negan when she was younger it left her with some serious self-esteem issues and left her questioning love all around. She was young when she first got with Negan, so she didn’t understand life yet. Not fully. Now, she liked to believe that she grew up and understood life better. Personally, she thought she was an overall better person now too. Someone who had matured and understood what the important things in life really were as opposed to the person she was then.

Maybe in that point of view, Negan was just like her and grew over time. Unquestionably she could see that he was vastly different than the man he was when they were together twelve years ago. There was a part of him that was much more loving, relaxed and just eager to be with her. It was nice to see such a change in Negan, but she knew that she had to be honest with Negan about how she felt about their past, which is why she told him what she did. Those thoughts and fears were something that had been eating away at her for so long. It was a big part of her life in becoming an adult and the person she was now. The fact Negan took everything so well really surprised her.

Getting up from the porch, she stretched out her body and moved toward the door to push it open. When she moved into the house she saw Negan sitting on the couch in the living room. His feet were tapping against the floor and when his eyes connected with hers she watched him slowly stand to his feet. Letting out a confused breath, she saw that he was wearing a pair of dark slacks and a black button down shirt. Negan was dressed up and it shocked her because this was something she wasn’t used to. There was only once or twice that she had seen him dressed up since she had known him.

In his right hand, Negan had some flowers that he was holding onto and a smile gradually cracked in over the corners of his lips when he stepped forward toward her. She was frozen in the moment, honestly…confused.

“Hi…” Negan’s eyebrows bounced up when he approached her and held the flowers out for her. Slowly, she reached for the flowers and accepted them. An uncontrollable smile pressed in over the corners of her lips when she looked down at the flowers that he had picked.

“What’s going on?” she tilted her head to the side and Negan shrugged his shoulders, his hazel eyes hooked on hers.

“I was kind of hoping to ask you out on a date,” Negan declared, his dimples sinking in as he slid his hands into his pockets in an innocent moment. God, he looked striking like that. “I thought you could maybe go upstairs and pick out something you’d like to wear. The two of us could go to the movies, go for a walk and then see where the night takes us.”

“Seriously?” she snickered and Negan’s tongue dragged out over his bottom lip before a wide smirk expanded over his handsome features. “What about everyone else?”

“Everything is under control,” Negan assured her with a nod of his head. The house was rather quiet compared to what it was usually like at this time of the day. Maybe he was honest and things were under control. “I made sure to go to work early today so that way by the time you got home everything would already be taken care of. So what do you say? Would you like to go on our first official date together?”

While she was exhausted, this was completely out of character for Negan in the past, so he definitely had her interested. Looking down at her flowers once more before lifting her gaze back to his, she could sense that Negan was eager for her to say yes and she nodded, “Okay.”

“Okay?” Negan repeated her answer to make sure she was sure and she laughed. “I’ll wait right here for you until you’re ready.”

“I’m going to put these in some water first,” she motioned to the flowers and he moved forward to stop her.

“I can do that for you sweetheart. I’ll just put them on the kitchen windowsill unless you would rather them somewhere else?” Negan suggested and she was amazed that Negan was being so accommodating. It definitely was going to take time to get used to these changes from Negan from what she knew. When she nodded, Negan grabbed the flowers and disappeared into the kitchen. While she loved the Negan from the past, this version of him impressed her so much.

Heading upstairs, she moved into her bedroom and toward her closet to find something to wear. This was already so vastly different from the Negan that she had known when she was younger. Yes, Negan made grand gestures back then when they were together and flowers was no different from past him, but him saying that he wanted her to pick out what she wanted to wear was big for him. When they were younger, he would always request a certain look from her or a certain outfit. Telling her to pick out what she wanted was a nice change.

Putting on something comfortable, yet still nice she made sure that she still felt beautiful in what she was in. There was not that need to go extreme in getting ready. She didn’t want to impress Negan like she did when she was young. The need to please Negan by what she was wearing just didn’t exist anymore. When she was young, she would have gone above and beyond to appeal to Negan, but now he assured her that he loved her for her and she wanted to believe him.

After she got done getting ready, she moved down the stairs and Negan was back sitting on the couch waiting for her. When she started moving down the stairs, Negan’s eyes lifted. As he saw her it made him let out a long, exaggerated breath. Steadily standing up from the couch, he met her at the bottom of the steps and his eyes looked her over, “Fuck, you are so beautiful.”

Gradually, he lifted his hand out to hers to help her down the last few steps and when she moved before him Negan closed the distance between them. A nervous breath fell from her throat when Negan brushed her hair out of her face and loosely wrapped his arm around her waist. The soft strokes of Negan’s rough fingertips against the side of her face drew her to shudder. With the way that Negan was looking at her, she could feel a chill running down her spine and she was in awe of him. Since they had found each other again, the way Negan looked at her made her feel incredible. Especially as of the last few weeks.

“May I kiss you?” Negan requested permission and it made her smile. Nodding, she watched his head bob in a silly fashion before he leaned in to press a delicate kiss over her lips. Grasping to his shirt, Y/N palmed in over the center of his chest and could feel the kiss getting a bit more intense before he pulled back. When his thumb swept in over her bottom lip, it caused her to whimper and he nuzzled his nose against hers. “Perfect.”

Without another word, Negan hooked his fingers with hers and led her out of the house. Part of her still worried about her daily worries since it had been so long since she didn’t have to come immediately home and go into her motherly duties. Luckily, Negan or Joel would often cook dinner for the family, but there was still so much to do during the evening before going to bed.

Walking down the hill with Negan toward town felt exciting. It wasn’t often that she was surprised anymore. Not in this day in age. Joel was exceedingly romantic, but they had always planned things just in case the town needed them. So having Negan do this and be spontaneous had her excited. The way Negan’s fingers were tightly grasped to hers as they walked down the hill together made her feel safe. Frequently, his eyes would glance over at her and it looked like he was in awe of her. Maybe she was reading too much into things, but the moment was beautiful and all they were doing was walking to their destination.  

“You look really good, you know?” she complimented him and could see the smirk he gave her before looking down at himself to see what he was wearing. “I like it.”

“I wanted to look good for you,” Negan used his free hand to run his palm in over the center of his chest before sighing heavily. “It’s nothing too spectacular, but to dress somewhat nice for you felt like the right thing to do.”

When they got to the town’s movie theater, she followed him inside and noticed that it was rather empty for what she would expect from it. Usually people were there at the end of the day to relax, but it was pretty quiet. Following Negan through the building, she let out a hearty laugh when she saw her children at the concessions stand that they had set up inside of the theater. Stopping, she could see both Nolan and Lucy’s faces light up when they saw the two of them together.

“We have to get our snacks,” Negan snorted, his nose wrinkling when he led her toward the area of the building where their children were at. When Negan stepped before the children, he could see that Y/N was smiling happily seeing the two of them dressed up for the moment. “What do you think…should we get one or two popcorns?”

“I would suggest the big popcorn,” Nolan interrupted them with a giant smile; mirroring that of his father’s while they were both staring at her. It was almost charming how much alike the two of them actually looked. Nolan was a mini Negan and there was no hiding it. “For those that are on a date, the big popcorn is a good choice. That way you can be close and share.”

“We’ll take the big popcorn then,” Negan winked and he watched Nolan grab the popcorn for them. The interaction made Y/N laugh. That’s what he was looking for. He wanted her happy. Obviously he had accomplished that with the interaction with her children in this situation. “Thank you sir for your help.”

While Nolan gathered the popcorn, Negan slid down the glass display toward where Lucy was waiting for them at her area of the snacks that were set up. Tapping his hands against the glass, Negan’s eyes connected with Lucy’s and it took a second before she realized she was up.

“Oh, I’m not even waiting for an answer,” Lucy spoke up reaching for a pack of candied almonds and a pack of chocolate covered peanuts for the two of them. “These are both good and I just think you should have them.”

“I like the way you think Sunshine,” Negan chuckled when Y/N accepted them from her daughter. Y/N leaned over the counter to press a kiss over her daughter’s temple and the sound of Lucy giggling was heard. The kids knew this was a silly set up, but that was part of the plan. Negan wanted this to be lighthearted and fun. They had kids now. They were a family. Having the best moments would obviously include the children.

It was always impressive learning the things that this small town was capable of. The fact they had a small movie theater that looked like what Negan remembered one to be like in the past blew him away. So, he had to take advantage of this place when he was pulling together their date.

Noticing at the back of the counter how much butter Nolan was putting on the popcorn, Negan cleared his throat to catch Nolan’s attention, “Easy on the butter buddy.”

“Trust me, I know what’s good and no one ever puts enough butter on the popcorn,” Nolan nonchalantly waved his hand in the air dismissively before finishing with the popcorn the way he wanted. When Nolan was done, he outstretched his arms and held it out. Accepting the popcorn, Negan reached out to brush his fingers through Nolan’s hair to mess it and he heard his son grunt. “Don’t mess with the do dad.”

“Oh, my mistake,” Negan muttered in an exaggerated manner while snickering. Nolan rolled his eyes before laughing and whispering something to Lucy.  Grabbing some napkins for them, Negan thought twice about how much butter Nolan put on the popcorn and grabbed some more just to be safe. Both Nolan and Lucy were looking up at them with big eyes and Negan chuckled. “I think these two are the best workers I’ve yet to meet at any movie theater, what do you think?”

“Definitely the best,” she agreed reaching out to brush her fingers through Nolan’s hair and he leaned into her touch.

“We already know that,” Lucy informed them with a nod, reaching her hand up to grab a hold of Nolan’s hand. “We love you mom. We hope you have a good time.”

“I love you guys. Just seeing the two of you already made this the best night I’ve had in a long time,” she gave them a wink and then followed Negan toward the theater where she saw Joel standing at the doors dressed in what someone would wear if they were working at the theater. Joel grinned when they stepped forward and he held the doors open for them.

“Let me help you to your seats,” Joel took a flashlight and led them toward specific seats making her chuckle when she sat down with Negan. Joel left the theater and after a few moments he obviously set things up for the movie to start.

“This is a whole family thing, huh? How long did this take you guys to come up with?” she snickered, looking to Negan as she held her hand out to him so he would hold it in his. Negan brought her hand up to his mouth to press a loving kiss over the back of it and she couldn’t help, but smirk.

“Well I asked the kids what they thought would be romantic and here we are,” Negan gave her a wink and she looked to see that Joel had brought the kids in to lead them toward another part of the theater to leave her and Negan alone together. “I thought you would be more comfortable knowing that the whole family was in it on it.”

“It’s cute,” she admitted lifting up the arm of the chair that was between the two of them. Sliding in closer to Negan she could feel his arm hooking around her so she could cuddle in closer to him. Negan nuzzled his nose against her head when the film started up. Cherishing the warmth of Negan around her, she couldn’t help being charmed by both men in her life. Joel was being a good father near the front of the theater and Negan was doing something to woo her. Negan was out to impress her and he already had. It was an amazing feeling knowing that she had two incredible men in her life that both loved her. When the film started up, she chortled when she saw what it was. “Singin’ in the Rain?”

“I’m pretty sure Nolan picked this out,” Negan whispered under his breath, pressing a lingering kiss against her temple after he informed her. “Our kid has an old soul and he’s pretty fucking cool. Without a doubt, he’s a very eclectic little man.”

“He’s an amazing young man,” she agreed with Negan looking out in the distance to see that Joel was cuddling both of the kids while the movie started. Lifting the popcorn container that she was holding, Negan took a handful of it and it made her smile the sound he made when he ate it. Setting it aside, he found herself focused on Negan and his expressive features. “You still aren’t used to it, are you?”

“What? The popcorn?” Negan spoke with a full mouth and she nodded knowing that it seemed to be his favorite snack since he had been brought to Arcadia. “Honestly? I’m not used to any of this in Arcadia Y/N. It’s not like it is here outside those walls. People would kill for this, which means we have to protect it twice as hard. I know with my family here I will do anything and everything possible to keep my family safe.”

“I know you will,” she reached out to stroke her palm in over the side of his face. It was nice to hear how much Negan wanted to keep this place safe. “You are a different man Negan, you know that, right? I know I said what I said, but I don’t doubt that you are a better man than I used to know. Although, I wouldn’t doubt this part of you was inside of you all along.”

“It wasn’t,” Negan felt her hand pressing in over the center of his chest and he sighed, reaching for her hand. “The man I was before was very self-centered and greedy. Now…all I want to do in this world is be with my family and keep them safe. I love all of you so much.”

Lowering his head, he pressed it against her forehead and knew that they should have been watching the movie, but they were more so focused on each other.

“Now would be a perfect time to kiss her,” Negan heard someone mutter and he pulled his head away to see that Nolan was turned in his seat. Nolan was watching the two of them and it made both of them laugh. Negan buried his head against the side of Y/N’s neck as he continued to quietly chuckle.

“Give them some space little man,” Joel’s southern drawl was loud enough for them to hear and she could see Joel tugging on Nolan’s shirt to get him to lower down back into his seat. “We were supposed to be silent observers here buddy.”

“I know, but if he wants to be romantic, that’s the best thing to do,” Nolan mumbled and it even made Joel laugh with that comment.

“When did you become the master of romance? You’re eleven years old,” Joel hushed Nolan and it drew both Negan and Y/N’s attention to Joel with the kids instead of the movie. Watching the two of them playfully bickering about romance was very amusing as the parents of Nolan. The soft giggles Lucy released while watching Joel and Nolan bicker was the cherry on top as well. It was a cute interaction that both Negan and Y/N enjoyed.

“I’m almost twelve and I’ve been on this world long enough to know when someone needs to kiss someone. He’s missing out on the perfect moment dad,” Nolan continued to bicker with Joel and Negan turned to look at Y/N with his big hazel eyes.

“Well, he does have a good point. I shouldn’t miss out on the perfect moment,” Negan brushed his thumb in over her cheekbone and leaned in toward her. The warmth of his breath was over her lips and when their lips collided, her hand raised to hook her fingers loosely into his hair. The tender brush of Negan’s lips over hers felt amazing and the longer they kissed the more she felt herself melting in against him.

The giggles of their children pulled them from the kiss and they watched Joel standing up with the kids, “Alright, we’ve decided we’re going for ice cream and we will see the two of you later so you can have time to yourselves without the comedy gang here.”

“I was going to fight you until I heard the ice cream part,” Nolan alerted Joel as they moved toward the aisle of the theater.

Both Nolan and Lucy were holding Joel’s hand as they made their way to exit the theater. Before they could leave Y/N reached to hug her children goodbye. Grabbing for Joel’s hand, she stopped him from leaving and her eyes connected with his. Tugging at his wrist, she could hear him let out an amused sound before lowering down to meet her in a quick kiss.

“I love you,” she whispered against his mouth. Most people would have felt strange having this relationship with both Negan and Joel. Having two men in her life felt unbelievable and while many people may have not understood the poly relationship they had going, she was thankful for it. As Joel pulled away, he gave her a wink before reaching out to pat Negan on the shoulder.   

“Make sure to have her back safely in one piece,” Joel teased and Negan snorted in response. When their family left, their eyes connected and Negan shifted in the seat he was in.

“I know this is relationship we all have is strange and people don’t get it, but…” Y/N began, but Negan lifted his finger up to silence her. The roughness of the pad of his thumb sliding in over her bottom lip made her shudder. Her eyes closed and she felt the warmth of him hovering in closer to her.

“Since I’ve gotten here, I feel like I’ve had to defend the three of us and the relationship we all have together repeatedly. It’s not our responsibility to have to defend it to everyone here. The three of us love each other and people are just going to have to get used to that shit. I don’t care if people don’t think it’s right,” Negan’s mouth descended upon hers, urging her to kiss him over and over again before he pulled away breathless. “Fuck people if they don’t accept it because being with both of you feels right. I think we are all part of a puzzle and together we make each other whole.”

“You’re right,” she agreed, taking a moment to admire the man that Negan had become. After a moment of gazing out at him, she eagerly raised up to meet him in another kiss.

Their lips collided again and for a while they just kissed each other, appreciating the closeness of their bodies together. Making out with Negan in a movie theater was not exactly how she had expected the night to go, but that’s where they ended up.

“I feel like a teenager again,” Negan hummed against her mouth, his tongue brushing past her lips to swiftly flick up against hers. She purred into his mouth and they continued to kiss while his hands caressed up and over her body. “I can’t recall the last time I made out with someone in a movie theater.”

“I don’t think I ever have,” she pulled away, biting at her bottom lip and she felt her heart pounding inside of her chest while Negan looked her over. “I think I’ve focused more on kissing you than I have the movie.”

“You’re a better subject anyways. Nothing against the movie,” Negan slurred, tipping forward to kiss her again causing her to release a trembling breath. When her tongue flicked out against his, he softly sucked at hers before letting out a content sound. Licking at his lips, he appreciated the taste of her and knew that he could kiss her all night if he was given the chance. “We should stop and watch the rest of the movie.”

“I like kissing you,” she retorted brushing her fingers through his well-groomed graying hair while she continued to pepper kisses over his lips. Negan’s eyes narrowed and she could tell by what she could see from his pupils dilating that they were full of lust. “It makes me think of when I was young and you would kiss me all night long.”

“Mmm, it’s better now,” Negan claimed, nipping softly at her bottom lip and tugging gently. It caused her to moan quietly against his flesh and it made a chill run down his spine. “You are so fucking sexy. You know that?”

“I was thinking the same thing about you,” she countered with a wrinkle of her nose, sliding her palm down the side of his face while tracing through his short beard with her fingertips. “God, when I was young I couldn’t wait until night time. Just to have you holding me in your arms and kissing me like you did…there was nothing I wanted more.”

“You’re fucking adorable,” Negan insisted, pressing his forehead to hers and he smiled brightly when thinking about their past together. “You make me feel like a young boy all over again. I love you and the Texan so much. You’re the only woman that can make my heart feel like it’s going to burst out of my chest while also making me feel like it could stop beating just at the sight of you. I love you so fucking much.”

Sweeping her fingers through his hair, she stared into his eyes and could see that he was breathing heavily while staring out at her, “You know…given the chance, I wish I could go back and do everything over again the right way. I should have courted you in a way that made things perfect for you.”

“Courted me?” she repeated his words, her nose wrinkling when he said it and she couldn’t help, but be amused with what he said. “You’ve been reading too many of Joel’s books. Who the hell are you?”

“Oh stop,” he rolled his eyes and felt her leaning in to press a quick kiss against his lips which made him chuckle against her mouth. “I just mean like I should have made your first time perfect. I should have made sure it was what you wanted. I should have been the best boyfriend…”

“We are who we are now because of who we were then,” she swallowed down hard and reached up to cover his lips with her fingertips. There was a sadness in Negan’s eyes while they stayed connected with hers. “Yeah, I had a lot of doubts, but maybe if we weren’t the people we were then we wouldn’t have Nolan. Everything happened for a reason and it led us up to this moment.”

“I know you questioned how I felt, but I do really love you,” Negan reached for her hand to pull it from his lips and he sighed loudly. Hooking his fingers with hers, he adjusted carefully in the seat and pulled her in closer to him. “I know it’s going to take a while to earn that complete trust and faith in me again, but I promise one day you will never question how I feel or felt.”

“You’ve already set off to a good start today Negan,” she lifted her hand to tease her fingers through his hair again. Caressing her fingers against the bottom of his neck, they took that moment of silence before kissing once more. “I love you too.”

After kissing for a while, they managed to watch the rest of the film and when they left the theater, she went to head back to the home, but Negan shook his head, “You have to follow me, the date isn’t over yet.”

“Oh?” she followed him down the main street of their small town. It was dark already and many people had already headed home. Anyone that was still out was closing up their shops for the night or was just cleaning up. There were a few people that were walking the street, but overall it was rather quiet. It wasn’t often that she got to take walks at night. Frequently, she would sit on the porch on her swing and watch the town from up on the hill, but never really experienced walking through the town herself. Most nights her and Joel were so tired and worn out that they never got to do things like this. With Negan’s fingers hooked with hers, Y/N found herself feeling like she was in an old movie. The night air was crisp, the fading lights of the town were just enough to give a dream like effect to their walk. It was romantic. It was perfect. It was simple, but Negan had definitely outdone himself. Their walk led them toward the lake and she could see that there was a lantern already by the edge of it. It lit up the area and not far from it was a basket there that was already waiting for them. “What is this?”

“Well, I was kind of hoping we could finish the date off…right?” Negan shrugged his shoulders and then went to the edge of the water to search for a stone. This resembled the place he took her the first time they slept together and she knew that was the kind of vibe he was trying to give off. When he found a stone, she saw him digging around for another one until he found one that he liked. Unhurriedly, Negan stood up from where he was kneeling down and moved out toward her. Reaching for one of her wrists, he lightly tugged her toward the edge of the water. “You know, when we slept together the first time I wanted it to be perfect for you. I wanted it to be everything you wanted and more. I had this stupid idea in my head that I wouldn’t end up feeling things for you more than just sexual attraction, so when I realized that we were more than that I got scared. I was so close to making it perfect, but I fucked up and I fucked up so bad.”

“It wasn’t all bad,” she reasoned with him and Negan gave her an expression where his nose wrinkled. There was nothing, but doubt in his eyes and she bit down on her bottom lip. “It could have been worse.”

“There were so many times I thought back on that night. I should have worn a condom; I don’t even know what I was thinking with that one. I should have said the right things. The sex should have been sweeter and not as rough,” Negan started to ramble and she stepped forward to grab his hands in hers to get him to silence himself. Instead, she wanted him to focus on her right now instead of the past.

“Negan, we can’t go back and change the things that we did. I always wished I could have gone back and told you about Nolan. I regretted every single minute I wasted not letting you know that you were going to have a child,” she recalled a thought that ate away at her for so many years when she would think about Negan, “But there is nothing we can do about the past. We both have regrets, but we can’t let those thoughts eat away at who we are now. We have each other now. Those are all but a distant memory. Instead of focusing on the past, we need to go forward from here. We need to live in the now and make every moment after this mean something.”

Negan’s eyebrows furrowed when she stepped in closer to him. Her soft hands grabbed a tight hold of his and she looked to the flat stone that was in his palm, “How about we take these and use them as if they symbolize our past. We’ll let it go. It will always be there just beneath the surface of the water, but we need to release those feelings and let ourselves grow. So throw it in the water and right here, right now it will be the representation of us letting go of our pasts and all the mistakes we made.”

“Wow, you’re definitely Joel’s wife,” Negan joked which made her roll her eyes, but there was definitely something special about both Y/N and Joel. They looked at life differently than most of the people he had met. In a good way too. They were changing him and they were changing him for the better. She stepped forward and turned him toward the water again. It was clear she was expecting him to listen to her and throw that stone in the water. It was hard to take all the things he had done and sum it up into a small stone, but he knew that she wanted to start over new. This represented that for them and because of that, he glanced down at his stone. Closing his eyes tightly, he squeezed his fingers tightly around the stone and thought about the man that he used to be. Honestly, he hated the man that he was before so much. Letting out a shuddering breath, he opened his eyes and stepped closer to the water. Tossing the stone, he watched it skip across the surface of the water before finally sinking. When he was done, he turned to her and felt himself shaking. “I want to be everything you deserve and more Y/N.”

“I think you already are,” she assured him, stepping before him. Hearing her say that took his breath away and he instinctively leaned down to eagerly kiss her. When she pulled away, he was breathing heavily and she looked down to the stone. “My turn.”

For a moment she looked out at the water and Negan felt his heart pounding inside of his chest. There was still that fear there that he didn’t think he was good enough. When he watched her throw the stone out, he kept his eyes on it and knew that he was getting emotional. Clearing his throat, he knew he had to try to focus, “God, you’re still awful at skipping stones. Your kids do better…”

“Oh shut up,” she grunted, turning on her heel to meet his stare again. It was obvious he was emotional. There was no hiding it. Reaching out, she playfully poked him in the shoulder and his breathing hitched.

Closing the distance between them, Negan reached out to trace his fingers up her arm in a tender caress. Lazily, his fingertips followed the direction up to the side of her face before he cupped her face in his hands in a loving way, “Listen…”

“Wait. I need to say this,” she interrupted him seeing that his eyes were misting over. There was no doubt that he was still stuck on things from the past and she could feel that he was still trembling against her. Stroking his face as well, she wanted to make sure that his eyes remained on hers. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything you went through after we lost each other. I’m sorry you lost Lucille. I’m sorry for being so angry at you. I’m sorry for expecting more from you than you were capable of giving at the time. More than anything, I want you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you for everything. So please, stop letting the past rule your thoughts. You deserve to be here. You deserve all of this. You’ve gone through enough and I forgive you. You’re right where you belong.”

A trembling exhale fell from Negan’s throat and she could see that a single tear slid down his face. Caressing over the side of his face, she swiped at the tear and heard him let out a desperate breath, “You’re a good man Negan. I love you.”

Caught up in emotions, Negan reached out to wrap his arms around her tightly. Firmly pulling her to his chest, he wrapped her up in his arms and never wanted to let her go. In her embrace he felt like things were okay. Better than they had been in years. Maybe he was silly for getting emotional, but he couldn’t help himself in crying. What she said hit him deep. For so long, he let the nightmares of his past rule him. Even before he found Y/N and Joel again, they were there. Now though, he was so scared he would lose the things he loved because of what he was in the past. It made him believe he didn’t deserve this happiness. This place was heaven for him and there was that fear of losing everything again. So her words really touched him.

There was no speaking for a while. Instead Y/N comforted him and kept him in her arms. In the past, Negan had gone without being touched for so long. Now, he was just eager to be held. And in that moment, it was perfect. It was everything he had longed for after being trapped behind those cell bars for years at Alexandria.

When he finally calmed down, he took the blanket that was inside of the basket and laid it out for them. They sprawled out on the blanket and laid under the starts for hours. There was nothing sexual that happened between the two of them. This was about being close and cuddling. Eventually, there was kissing, but Negan wanted tonight to be special. Sex almost felt like it would ruin the ending of the night and muddy the emotions that they had built up together.

When it was clearly late in the night and it was starting to get cold, Negan suggested them get home. While it was hard to move and leave, the shuddering of Y/N’s body told her she was freezing. Negan was too. Their walk back to the house was drawn out. Negan’s arm was wrapped around her shoulders and her arm was around his waist. It was the perfect end to a date with Negan. As they approached the house, she stopped Negan and stared up at him for a long moment. Tipping up on her toes, she deposited a soft, lingering kiss over his lips and thanked him. The way he looked at her made her heart hammer in her chest. She didn’t even know if there were words to truly dig in how much everything really meant to her.

Moving back into the house with Negan, they closed up the doors and headed upstairs. They checked on both children to make sure they were okay and of course they were. Both of them were sleeping peacefully. It was so late and tomorrow was another early morning, so they had to get to sleep themselves. As they approached the end of the hallway, Y/N could feel Negan attempting to head to his room and she shook her head, not allowing him to. Urging him to follow her toward the bedroom she shared with Joel, she could see that there was apprehension in Negan’s eyes.

“No, you’re coming with me. Negan, you belong with Joel and me. I want to be with the both of you. I understand if you want to go to your bedroom sometimes if you feel overwhelmed or if you want alone time. That room will always be there for you, but from here on out I want you in this bedroom with us,” she demanded and Negan’s eyebrows perked up when she said that. The grasp she had on his hands was firm and he could tell that she meant it. Negan swallowed down hard, but it was clear that he was relieved and happy to hear her say that. “I understand if you don’t want to, that’s okay. I just want to be between the two people that make me feel the safest. I’ve spent enough nights away from you Negan. I don’t want to waste any more.”

“Are you sure?” Negan confirmed and she gave him a small nod. Palming over the sides of her face, Negan kissed from her forehead, down her face until his lips lingered over hers. Taking the time to kiss her, he knew that he was shaking. God, he was a mess, but it wasn’t an awful feeling to be this way. “I want to be there with the both of you too.”

Following her into the bedroom, his eyes immediately fell to Joel seeing that he was in a deep sleep. His stare was broken when Y/N started helping him get out of his clothes to get ready for bed. Even though they weren’t being sexual, she took her time to trace over his body when she removed each item of clothing. When she got Negan down to his boxers, she traced carefully over his chest and down his abdomen. She found absolute beauty in his slender form. There was no doubt that Negan was self-conscious about it, but she thought he was perfect. Eventually, Negan started to help her out of her clothes, but he peppered soft kisses against her flesh. He was careful in the placement, but also kept his eyes on her when he did it. When they were both ready for bed, Y/N led him toward the bed. Crawling into the middle, she knew that Negan often liked being in the middle. It was definitely from the lack of human contact he had and most nights she gave it to him. She felt bad with how things had gone down for him. Negan went through so much and was punished so harshly that she wanted him happy, but tonight she wanted to be between the two men. Call it greedy, but she had the need and want to be between the two men she loved most in the world.

Kneeling on the edge, Negan carefully lowered down beside her when she rolled on her side to face him. When Negan fixed the blankets to pull them in over their bodies, she pulled herself closer to him. With the warmth of Negan’s breath against her face, she knew that he was desperate for that emotional connection. There was a warmth in her heart that she hadn’t felt in a long time, yet she knew that it was happiness of knowing that she was with two incredible men. They were so similar, but yet…so exceedingly different. They all helped each other to be the best versions of themselves and hopefully from here on out they would be able to live in the now instead of the past.

“I still believe to this day that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Negan whispered, a small grin developing over his tired features. Negan’s nose nuzzled against hers and she could hear a happy breath fill the air. “I love you so much.”

It didn’t take long for Negan to fall asleep with her close to him, stroking her fingers through his hair. There was no doubt he was tired and she didn’t blame him. He was working his ass off to be everything he could be and more. It would make anyone tired.

When she started to feel the exhaustion wearing in over her, the weight in the bed shifted and she could feel Joel’s muscular arm wrapping around her waist as he cuddled up to her from behind. By the sounds of his breathing, Joel wasn’t even awake. It was just natural for Joel that when he felt her near, he would instinctively hold her. That was something he had gotten used to. Taking care of her and keeping her safe was his number one priority for so long. It was even obvious in the way he was when he was sleeping how much he loved her too. Right now she was content. She was happy. Most of all, she felt blessed to have two men who loved her unconditionally. Two men wanted to protect her and she loved both of them more than anything. With the warmth of them surrounding her, she knew in that moment that right now things were perfect and she loved knowing that she was with the people that made her whole.

----

Curiosity was getting the best of Negan as he followed Joel through the woods. When Negan had woken up this morning, he had panicked to see that it was past the time he should have already been at work. It gave him one hell of a shock, but Joel was just coming out of the shower when Negan was desperately getting out of bed to get ready to rush to work. Apparently, Joel had made a deal with Roy to keep Negan home today and hadn’t told Negan. It gave Negan a long weekend and while he wasn’t going to turn down the offer, he was surprised that Joel didn’t tell him.

When Negan calmed down, Joel had told Negan that he had something important they needed to do. Problem was that he didn’t tell Negan what that was.  Instead, he just had Negan take a shower and get ready. It was strange. Joel was always so open with Negan, so this closed off attitude that Joel had today was awkward. Maybe he was reading Joel wrong, but Joel seemed anxious from the moment that Negan had woken up. It wasn’t like Joel. Desperately, Negan wanted to ask what was going on, but he didn’t want to upset Joel. So after Joel gave Negan the breakfast he had missed and slept through, Joel told Negan they were going to be leaving Arcadia. At first Negan thought maybe Joel was going to show him the ropes of what it took to be part of the group that went scavenging for supplies. That was proven wrong when they didn’t wear the gear that Negan had found Joel and the group in when they first found each other again. Other than having their weapons, it was just like how they would walk to work with the power plant every other day.

It was strange that Joel wanted to go somewhere outside the walls of Arcadia, but Negan just went with it. They had been on a path in the woods for a while and when Joel stopped to look where they were, Negan cleared his throat hoping that Joel would open up.

“So…where are we going?” Negan finally blurt out what he had wanted to for so long. Joel brushed his fingers through his thick hair and surveyed the trees that were surrounding the two of them.

“That’s a secret, but it’s somewhere special,” Joel answered with his deep southern drawl, looking over at Negan with a wink. Continuing to brush his hair back Negan found himself focused on Joel’s haircut. The side parted, thick, layered haircut gave personality to Joel’s chiseled looks and it made Negan laugh with how much he would find Joel touching his own hair. “I promise you will like it when we get there.”

“We’ll see about the whole liking it thing. You know…I’ve just got to ask this. Who do you have cutting your hair?” Negan interrogated Joel with a laugh, making Joel chuckle when he realized that he was brushing his fingers through his hair. “I remember when I first met you; you had this short haircut that was really messy. Now you look like a fucking hair model with it down to the bottom of your neck and you’re always playing with it. Always pushing it out of your face. It’s like you’re trying to always be fucking sexy or some shit.”

“Y/N cuts it,” Joel informed Negan with a laugh and reached up to brush his fingers through his hair again almost instinctively. Deep down Negan really wondered if Joel did it without noticing it or if it was to draw attention to him. Sometimes Negan just thought originally Joel didn’t realize how much he was touching it or brushing his fingers through it, but it always drew Negan’s attention to him. When they first met, Negan was definitely charmed by Joel, but now…Joel was fucking stunning. “I was thinking of getting it cut, maybe it’s getting to be too long. It’s always getting in my eyes.”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Negan warned making Joel snort when he said it. The laugh it drew from Joel and the way it made Joel smile also made Negan grin. Joel was often so serious  trying to take care of everyone while also being very passionate that it wasn’t often he got good laughs out of Joel. “It’s not too long. It just reaches the bottom of your neck and it’s not too short. Plus…”

“Plus…?” Joel’s eyebrow arched up, waiting for a response from Negan who chuckled and looked down for a moment. A wicked expression was over Negan’s face when their eyes connected again. “What?”

“I like having that hair to grab onto when we’re getting intimate,” Negan confessed making Joel burst out in laughter and Negan stepped forward. Boldly grabbing a hold of Joel’s hair, he pulled Joel’s mouth to his and kissed Joel forcefully making Joel grunt against the kiss. When he pulled his mouth away from Joel’s, Negan growled and nipped at Joel’s full, bottom lip. “See what I mean? It’s useful and it’s fucking hot.”

“Is it now? I guess I’ll have to keep the haircut for you then,” Joel slurred when Negan greedily pulled Joel close to him again so their lips could connect. Instead of letting the kiss continue, Joel pulled away almost in a teasing fashion. Joel’s green-hazel eyes were hooked on Negan’s. Both of their breathing was heavy and Joel nodded in the other direction. “We need to go this way.”

“Are you ever going to tell me what we’re doing exactly?” Negan poked playfully at Joel’s ribs and Joel pushed at Negan’s hands with a snicker.

“It’s a secret,” Joel explained, looking back at Negan with an amused expression knowing that Negan would hate that answer. When he noticed the frustrated look that Negan gave him, it made Joel chuckle and he sighed heavily. “So how was your date at the movies?”

“It’s a secret,” Negan repeated Joel’s earlier answer and the amused sound that erupted from Joel’s throat made it hard for Negan to be sassy with Joel. Quickening his walking, Negan made it so he was standing shoulder to shoulder with Joel while they walked. “It was really nice. I think we did a good job in making her feel special which is really what I wanted.”

“There was no we, that was all you,” Joel lifted his hand to press it in over his chest and Negan gave him a glare. It was nice that Joel was trying to give Negan complete credit for the night, but Negan knew better. If it wasn’t for Joel, most of that couldn’t have been done. They would have had a full theater and the lake wouldn’t have been set up like it was. Thankfully he did have Joel in his back pocket, but the fact Joel wasn’t taking credit for some of it just felt wrong.

“The town would not have agreed to those stipulations if it wasn’t for you,” Negan reminded Joel with a stern look, “With the help of you and the kids, it made it twice as special for her…and for me. I love you guys.”

“We love you too Negan and we’d do anything to make special moments for you,” Joel reached up to pat Negan on the shoulder. The expression Joel gave Negan made Negan truly believe him. Then again, Joel had been proving it from day one that he would do anything for Negan and the ones that Joel loved. There was no doubting that Joel was an amazing man. Pulling his eyes from Joel’s, Negan could see between the trees that there was a body of water not far in the distance. Tilting his head to the side, Negan assumed they would be headed that way, but he wasn’t sure where. “So did the date have a happy ending?”

“Are you asking me if we had sex?” Negan countered, his nose wrinkling when Joel shot him a confused look. “A gentleman never kisses and tells Joel. You should know that.”

“I’m guess I’m not much of a gentleman anymore then because you are usually there to watch when I’m kissing. There is nothing to tell because you see it all,” Joel teased and then simply shrugged his shoulders. Well, he wasn’t exactly wrong there and it made Negan snort. “I actually meant were you happy and not disappointed with how things went down. I know there is only so much you can do to make things special nowadays.”

“Yeah, it was fucking perfect. We kissed a little bit before finishing the movie. Truthfully, it was good because we got to talk about things,” Negan was honest and Joel’s thick eyebrows tensed while he listened closely to Negan. “After the movie we went to the lake. I was upset about the past and we just had a really good discussion that made me feel better about things. We laid under the stars for a while before coming home to be with you. It was a good night.”

“Good, good. I’m glad,” Joel stopped walking long enough to eye Negan over as they approached a stone bridge. It was definitely an older bridge that had been there for quite some time. It went over a stream that would make it easier for them to get closer to the large body of water. Turning to Negan, Joel reached out and grabbed at his shoulders to give them a firm squeeze. “Negan, you know you don’t always have to think about the past, right? You’re not the same Negan you were then.”

“I’m gradually learning to accept that,” Negan confessed, a loud sigh falling from his throat. His jaw was flexing and he lifted his hand to touch Joel’s hand that was over his face. “It’s hard thinking about the person that I used to be. There are people more deserving of this life than me.”

“I know you think you were awful, but there was a reason that people still loved you…even back then,” Joel reminded Negan of the fact he was loved long before the world fell to shit. Deep down, Negan knew that be to true. Three people loved him at that time and it was a good thing to know, but hard to remember. “I still remember the old you hopping out of my car mid kiss to go and save someone’s life after hearing a car accident. You weren’t as bad as you thought you were. Broken, but not bad.”

“You saw more in me then than I ever did. I hurt a lot of people and I just kept getting worse until Grimes cut my throat open,” Negan thought back to the moment his rule was ended with the Saviors. Back then, he truly thought he was saving people, but he never realized how bad it was making him.

“Yeah, well like I said when people lose everything they lose themselves. You realized you were wrong and you changed yourself for the better. What those people did to, the way you were tortured…it was wrong,” Joel grunted when he thought back to what Negan had told him. “When I look at you, I see a good man.”

Negan didn’t know what to say. Joel simply pat the side of his face before moving onto the bridge. Joel stopped at the center of it and was looking down into the water, “You’re not thinking of jumping in, are you?”

“Even if I was, it wouldn’t do much. I think it would go up to about my hips,” Joel grunted, his eyebrow arching when Negan moved in closer to him. Joel waved his hand to motion Negan in beside him and smiled. “Come look at this.”

“Look at what?” Negan stammered as he slid in beside Joel. Looking into the water, he didn’t know what Joel was so excited about. All Negan could see was their reflections in the water and didn’t know if Joel was trying to symbolize something with bringing him over there. “All I see is two ridiculously good looking men staring at the water like a couple of idiots…”

“The fish Negan,” Joel once again laughed at Negan’s response and Negan snorted when he realized the area that Joel was pointing. When Joel actually pointed out where he was looking, Negan spotted the large amount of fish in the distance. “This is where we often come to get the fish that we have. People haven’t found this spot and there is a ton of fish here.”

“That’s cool…I guess? Are we fucking fishing or something?” Negan tried to figure out what they were doing and Joel shook his head. “Then what the fuck are we doing out here? I’m not usually comfortable with people taking me out into the middle of the woods without telling me what we are doing.”

“Don’t you trust me?” Joel frowned making Negan feel immediately guilty with the expression that Joel gave him. Hitting Joel in the chest he could hear Joel chuckle when it obviously upset Negan that he said that.

“Of course I fucking trust you. I probably trust you more than anyone, but it still doesn’t stop my curiosity,” Negan followed Joel off the bridge and through the path in the woods until he saw an old cabin in the distance that was right by the edge of the water.

Stopping on the path, Negan felt his heart pounding inside of his chest seeing it. Immediately Negan thought the worst seeing that he was being taken to another place away from a community. His fears immediately started to eat away at him when Joel had stumbled to stop walking when he noticed Negan wasn’t with him. It was causing Negan to flashback to the moment he was taken to the house that Alexandria had thrown him in when they decided to banish him.

“Hey, come on,” Joel waved on Negan to get him to come. When Negan didn’t move because he was frozen in his own fears, Joel moved to reach for Negan. Wrapping his fingers around Negan’s arm, he broke Negan from himself to get Negan’s eyes to connect with his. “Hey, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m sorry,” Negan lied, swallowing down hard as he dragged his feet to follow Joel to the cabin. When they got there, he nervously followed Joel up the steps. Joel moved a brick to grab a key and held it up to show Negan the key. Saying nothing, he followed Joel in the cabin and let out a surprised sound when he saw how nice it was on the inside. It was furnished with a lot of nice things and it impressed him that someone wouldn’t have fucked with the cabin already. “What is this?”

“This is the place that Y/N and I go when we just need a day away from Arcadia, you know? Or maybe just a night. It’s calm, it was something we found before we built Arcadia and we’ve been lucky enough that no one has really damaged it or tried to loot it,” Joel explained, setting his weapon down on the couch that was in there.

Surveying the small cabin, Negan took notice of the big windows at the front of it that looked out at the large body of water. This was definitely someone’s hideaway before the world fell to shit. It wasn’t a big place, but it was still very nice. There was a kitchen that was hidden away at the far end of the cabin across from the entrance. The couch was against the left wall. The bed was against the right and there was a nice little area before the kitchen where there was a fireplace. Two seats were in front of it. There was an acoustic guitar resting up against the wall by the fireplace and Negan knew that was one of Joel’s. While it was nice, Negan was still confused as to why Joel brought him there and made such a big deal about it.

Negan stood frozen as Joel moved over toward the bed and hopped on it letting out a please sound, “The bed here is actually nicer. I wish we would have taken this one to our house. I know we have the queen at the farm, but this one…come try it.”

Listening, Negan lowered himself unhurriedly on the bed to lie down beside Joel. Dread kind of filled Negan’s veins when he thought about the cabin. It just brought bad memories back from what Alexandria had done in banishing him from the community. There was a fear that Joel was bringing him here to leave him here. Yes, it was already better than the home that Alexandria had given him, but he didn’t want to be alone. Not again.

“It’s nice, right?” Joel confirmed turning his head to look at Negan and Negan nodded. Joel was staring at Negan and it looked like Joel was going to say something before stopping himself. Turning on his side, Negan reached for Joel’s face and made Joel look at him. “I come here a lot to empty my mind.”

“What do we need to empty our minds about?” Negan’s right eyebrow arched, but a nervous sound fell from Joel’s throat as he pulled himself up on the edge of the bed. When Joel stood, he held his hand out for Negan’s and pulled Negan back toward the door. Once they got outside, Joel dropped down on one of the steps to sit. It was definitely a beautiful view of the lake and Negan could understand why Joel would come here to empty his head or just relax. Lowering down on the step that was above the one where Joel was sitting, Negan kept his eyes locked on Joel. “Joel?”

“Sorry, I was just thinking about this place. When things get overwhelming, I like to come here and just think. It’s beautiful here. It inspires me,” Joel continued to ramble on about the cabin and the location while Negan grasped tightly to the stair that was beneath him. “It’s a special place for me, which is why I wanted to bring you here with me.”

Negan remained quiet and he heard Joel’s uneasy breath fill the air. The firm grasp of Joel’s hand over his knee was felt and Negan nervously licked at his bottom lip while Joel caressed over his leg. Joel went to talk, but stopped midway to think about what he wanted to say.

“Don’t make fun of me, okay?” Joel finally spoke up and his eyebrows were furrowed. Joel seemed a little pale while they were sitting together. Negan’s thick eyebrows arched up and an amused smirk pressed over Negan’s lips. Instead of showing that he was terrified, Negan put on a fake expression hoping to keep things light.

“Well now when you say that I want to make fun of you for whatever shit you’re going to say next,” Negan snorted and Joel rolled his eyes making Negan chuckle. “You can’t say don’t make fun of me and expect me not to poke fun at you after you say that.”

“I don’t know what I was expecting from you,” Joel smirked and bit at his bottom lip while letting the silence sit between the two of them for a moment. It took some courage for Joel to talk and he lifted his head up to stare at Negan. “There is something very important I wanted to talk to you about for a while now.”

“Okay, when you start it like that…that shits scares me,” Negan was honest, his jaw flexing when he watched Joel shift his weight on the stairs. “You brought me out in the middle of nowhere to talk…”

“What do you think I’m going to do?” Joel turned on the step so he could stare out at Negan with his intense green-hazel eyes.

“I know I haven’t been doing the best in the community. I’m trying, but I know…I know I’m not everyone’s favorite person,” Negan grumbled knowing that he had made a few enemies already in the town and there was no doubt that a certain amount of people already hated him. “Just seeing that you were leading me to a secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere…”

“Do you think I’m going to kick you out?” Joel’s face scrunched up and he let out a hesitant laugh. Nodding, Negan lowered his stare from Joel and within seconds he felt Joel reaching out to touch his face. “Fucking hell Negan, no. I’m so sorry, that was not my plan at all. No, that’s not at all what this is. I would never do that to you. I swear.”

“Really?” Negan let out a relieved breath when Joel put enough pressure under Negan’s jaw to lift Negan’s gaze to his. There was no hiding that Negan was actually physically scared with what was about to happen. The idea of being alone actually scared Negan the most and he was shaken up from the idea. Being alone the time he was really fucked him up to begin with. Trying to get his heart to calm down, Negan tried to pull his eyes from Joel’s embarrassed that he had gotten so worked up.

“Negan, I would pick you over anyone in the town outside of our family in an instant. I don’t care what people think of you, I would never kick you out. I love you. What those people did to you before…that was cruel,” Joel vented, stroking over the side of Negan’s rough face clearly feeling guilty for leaving Negan feeling the way he did. “Most of the town agrees that you deserve to be there. Maybe call me selfish, but I never want to be without you again Negan. Now that we have you in our lives, I would never want you to leave. I will fight to keep you with me for as long as I can. My family comes first before everything. You’re my family. You’re the silliest, most charming…”

Joel’s words were cut off when Negan slid forward and his lips collided with Joel’s. Kissing Joel over and over again, Negan sank his fingers into the other man’s hair and pulled away with a desperate breath, “I’ve never had someone want to stand up for me.”

“I will always fight for you,” Joel promised feeling Negan’s forehead resting against his and Joel smiled. There was still a nervousness in the way that Joel was acting and Negan didn’t understand where it was coming from. “You’ll have to forgive me; I like to make grand gestures and I want this to be special for you. I also don’t know if you will think this is fucking ridiculous. You see, I was thinking about how important you are to this family. We all love you so very much. Life has been exceedingly better with you here. Not that we weren’t happy, but you are that…missing puzzle piece we were always looking for. I want you to know you’re appreciated. I want you to feel like you’re our partner. Not someone that is a third wheel. Y/N and I love you so much.”

“I know that and I love the both of you,” Negan brushed his fingers in over the back of Joel’s neck and let out a tense breath. “I just got scared. You have to understand, I get panicked and think that I’m fucking up people’s lives because that’s all I’ve ever been told. Seeing this place just scared me into thinking that maybe I fucked up and the both of you were ready to let me go after my trial period. So to hear you confirm that you didn’t feel that way helps. I get…panicked and shit.”

“After everything you went through, I don’t blame you Negan,” Joel responded tipping his head up to press a lingering kiss over Negan’s forehead. When he pulled back, Joel stroked his thumb in over Negan’s cheekbone. “I know when we were younger and this started, it wasn’t supposed to be serious. Hell, you opened me up to things that…”

“I know what I opened you up to,” Negan snickered and Joel rolled his eyes when Negan said that, “I took a tight ass Texan and made him realize there was more to life. Your roots just made you too scared to be who you were. I just stopped giving a shit a long time ago with who I was. I knew when I was a kid that I found both women and men attractive. I think I gave my daddy a fucking heart attack when he found his son, the baseball star in fucking bed with another man. People try to make us feel weird for that shit, but you can’t help who you like. I will admit to you though, you’re the first man that I think…I’ve ever loved. It’s easy wanting to fuck you Joel. I saw why Y/N liked you immediately when I saw you. Other than you were a knock off of me.”

“Oh fuck off,” Joel groaned reaching out to shove into Negan’s chest making Negan snort when he said it.

“But you were better, in every way possible,” Negan suddenly became serious, reaching out to grab a hold of Joel’s jaw to get him to look at him. “I don’t think I loved another man in my life. You’re the first, but you make it easy to love you Joel. I think in the past I would have also been afraid or embarrassed to admit that I loved another man, but at this point in my life I’m so glad I have people I love in my life. Being alone was the worst and I never want to be that way again. Finding out you guys were still here was the best fucking day of my life. Then learning that Nolan existed was by far more than I could ever hope for.”  

“Obviously, you’re the only man I’ve slept with, but also the only man I’ve ever loved as well,” Joel snorted feeling Negan playfully smack at his cheek. Reaching up, Joel grabbed a hold of Negan’s rough hand and sighed. “I want you to feel like you belong with us.”

Negan’s head tilted to the side when he noticed Joel go a bit pale. Attempting to read what Joel was thinking was hard, but he just waited for Joel to speak up again.

“Which is why I want the three of us to be official. I know it’s not very conventional and people will probably judge all of us for it, but I don’t give a fuck. People have been judging us already and they’ve judged me my whole life,” Joel muttered and pulled back making Negan give him a shifty eyed expression. “I don’t want you to feel like the third wheel. I want you to know how important you are to both me and Y/N. I want you to wake up every morning knowing that you are ours…and we are yours.”

“If I didn’t know better Joel I would think you were proposing to me,” Negan joked and he saw the expression that Joel gave him making Negan let out a hesitant laugh. “Wait a second…”

“Well, you never really did know better,” Joel got up from the step he was on and reached for something from his back pocket. Joel lifted the golden band up and saw Negan’s eyes get wide when he saw the golden band. “I have one for both Y/N and me too in my pocket. Someone in town helped me to get these and they…they aren’t spectacular, but I…”

“You want me to be your husband?” Negan tilted his head to the side and he saw Joel’s jaw flex, his face flushing over. “Does Y/N know you are asking me this?”

“No, I didn’t think it would be necessary to bring it up to her yet. Especially if you hated the idea and didn’t want to do it,” Joel explained and he looked down at the gold wedding band that he had for Negan. “I know this isn’t a normal relationship. The three of us is very different, but I love you. Y/N loves you. We both just feel like life is so much better with you here. You make our family whole. I know you’re not into these sweet, romantic gestures especially coming from me…”

“Who said that?” Negan grunted and Joel shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not the same man I was when I was younger Joel. I just…I want you to do something before I make my decision.”

“What’s that?” Joel saw Negan looking over the wedding band.

“I want you to get on your knee,” Negan’s head cocked to the side and he made a dramatic motion with his head. “If you’re going to propose to me, you have to do it right.”

“Is this just to make fun of me?” Joel snorted and Negan snapped his fingers while he pointed down at the ground. Joel let out a heavy sigh and slowly lowered down to one knee. Negan let out an amused sound when he saw Joel before him.

“I never thought I would enjoy the sight of you on your knees more than when you are doing a certain sexual act,” Negan grunted with a long, drawn out laugh. Joel looked down toward the ground and when Negan snapped his fingers, it drew Joel’s eyes up to Negan’s. “Yeah. I mean if Y/N would be okay with it. I’d love being the other husband.”

Joel almost looked shocked when Negan stood up from the steps to move to Joel. Negan reached for the wedding band and looked at it, “This is why you measured my hands that one day? Here I was fucking believing you were actually making some kind of special pair of gloves…”

“Well I couldn’t tell you that I was looking for your ring size,” Joel pointed out and Negan surveyed the golden band.

“How are we doing this? Obviously I don’t think we can have a big ceremony at Arcadia because I’m not sure a lot of people would attend or understand,” Negan played out the idea in his head and he sighed heavily. Taking the ring, he slid it down over his finger on his right hand and let out a hesitant breath. It had been so long since he had been married. The idea of it scared him, but maybe this would be his chance to do something right. To get that second chance that he had always wanted in life, but didn’t think he deserved. Looking at his left hand, he knew the wedding band originally was supposed to go there, but since Joel and Y/N would have to have theirs on their right, he wanted his to be just like theirs.

“In my opinion you’ve already said yes, you’re already my husband. The world isn’t conventional anymore Negan. It’s not like we’re going to fill out paperwork. I just think you saying yes and you wearing the ring are enough for me. Unless it’s not enough for you,” Joel saw Negan spinning the ring over his finger and he swallowed down hard. After a moment, Negan stepped forward and reached for Joel’s hand. Joel accepted and stood slowly feeling Negan moving in closer to him. “I just think it’s good we made this whole thing official.”

“Give me yours…” Negan held his hand out and Joel reached into his other pocket to dig out the one that was supposed to be his. Negan took Joel’s wedding band Joel had made and smiled. “Twelve years ago if you would have told me that I would have been fucking thrilled to be both yours and Y/N’s husband, I would have laughed.”

“Twelve years ago we wouldn’t have been able to do it,” Joel reminded Negan with a crooked grin and Negan reached for Joel’s hand.

“You really love me?” Negan confirmed and Joel nodded.

“Sarcasm and all,” Joel established with a wink and Negan pushed the wedding band up Joel’s ring finger on his right hand since Joel already had his other wedding ring on the left. Joel could see that there was an emotion he couldn’t quite read behind Negan’s eyes and he reached out with his other hand to caress over Negan’s thick neck. “What is it?”

“I never thought I would ever be loved again, you know?” Negan’s bottom lip trembled and he leaned into Joel’s touch. “Just knowing that you would want to be married to me after everything I did, it blows my mind. Like I don’t fucking deserve you. You really want to be with me?”

“I do,” Joel hushed Negan, sliding his fingers up the back of Negan’s neck.

“I do,” Negan repeated Joel’s words, letting out a tight laugh knowing that it was like getting married in a way. Moving forward, his lips collided with Joel’s and he kissed the man he considered one of his lovers over and over again. “Part of me is jealous that you get to ask Y/N to marry you again with that third final ring. I always wondered what your wedding was like.”

Negan reached for Joel’s other hand where his original wedding band was. Joel urged Negan to look up at him and Negan let out a quivering exhale, “We just did something like this. Truthfully, she was in labor with Nolan and it was just the two of us in the cabin. I think she was very emotional and we were already engaged so it just felt like the right time to do it. We sealed it off with a kiss and I dos. Kind of like this.”

“Damn,” Negan could almost picture what Joel was saying inside of his head and he sighed heavily. “I wish I wouldn’t have given up looking for you both. I wish I was there to see Nolan born. Missing out on so much…”

“It’s not your fault Negan,” Joel silenced Negan and he reached his hand inside of his pocket to pull out the ring he had for Y/N. All three of them matched and Joel handed Negan over the ring. “You want to ask her to marry you and do it right? Now is your chance.”

“Really? Even though it’s your idea?” Negan stammered and Joel nodded, his eyes searching Negan’s for a long moment. Of course Negan wanted to do it, he just didn’t know if that was the right thing to do since all of this was Joel’s idea. “You’re okay with that?”

“Yes, I’m okay with that. I just want to see you do it,” Joel insisted and Negan pulled Joel in to kiss him again. “We should get back before the kids return from school so we can figure out what it is you want to do when you ask her.”

“I love you,” Negan hummed against Joel’s lips after he stole another kiss from Joel.

“I love you too,” Joel responded with a bright smile and Negan brushed his fingers through Joel’s hair. Cherishing the moment, Negan wanted to remember this whole scenario in his mind before they left. After they grabbed their supplies and locked up the cabin Negan began to follow Joel back toward town and he couldn’t help himself from playing with the ring that was over his finger. It felt so right, but so foreign at the same time. The more he thought about it, the more he started to think about how much he actually liked Joel. Their relationship started off in a very strange way, but the more he grew to know Joel, the more he had fallen in love with him. Joel was perfect. In every way imaginable and he was glad that Y/N brought Joel into their lives. Thinking for a long moment, he looked at Joel and shoved him back. A gasp fell from Joel’s throat when he felt his body slamming up against one of the large trees in the woods. “Negan?”

Negan’s fingers pulled apart Joel’s belt and he could hear Joel’s breathing get worried while Negan pulled apart the material. Fumbling with the belt, Negan managed to get it apart and then reached to open up Joel’s pants.

“What are you doing? Someone could see us,” Joel reminded Negan and Negan leaned forward to kiss over the side of Joel’s neck. His hand pushed beneath Joel’s pants and connected with Joel’s masculinity, working to get him hard against his caress. “Jesus.”

“You better be on watch then,” Negan growled, biting at the side of Joel’s neck and he dropped down to his knees in front of Joel. Pushing up the material of Joel’s plaid shirt that he was wearing, Negan deposited wet kisses over the area right below Joel’s navel. “Keep us safe.”

“Negan, you don’t have to do that,” Joel insisted feeling the firm tug of Negan’s palms to his jeans where they pooled at his ankles. Swallowing down hard, Joel felt Negan peppering kisses over his toned hips.

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to,” Negan insisted, his hazel eyes staring up at Joel with mischief behind his beautiful gaze. “So just rest your head back and enjoy it.”

----

“This is so random,” Y/N announced as she walked hand in hand with Joel to the cabin that they would rarely visit these days with how busy they had been. “Are you sure that the kids and Negan will be okay without us there? Negan is still pretty new to the town and I don’t want to leave him vulnerable to the rest of the town.”

“Everything is okay. Roy and his wife are on backup for us with the kids, but I just really wanted to come out here today. I don’t know why, but I just wanted the two of us to be able to be together for a little while,” Joel informed her, nudging her playfully with his hip and he sighed.  Staring at her, Joel focused on how beautiful she was. There was a mixture of curiosity in her eyes and worry. Curiosity as to why he was taking her where he was and the worry was about their family. It was all very cute. “You know how much I love you, right?”

“Of course I do,” she stopped walking for a moment to turn in Joel’s arms and felt him loosely wrapping them around her. Stroking her hand in over the center of his chest, she tipped up on her toes and met him in a loving kiss. His short beard tickled against her flesh and it made her smile in the middle of the kiss. “You are everything to me.”

“And you’re everything to me,” Joel repeated her words, giving her a wink that made her let out a long sigh. Never in the twelve years she had been with Joel had she ever doubted that. Joel dedicated his life to her and their family. She admired Joel and loved him entirely so much. “I love you so much and you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You know that.”

“You are the best human being I’ve ever known,” she whispered, meeting his lips in another kiss and felt his grasp tightening around her waist. Stroking her fingers over the side of his face, she pushed her fingers up and into his hair. In his arms she would always feel safe. “You’re stunning.”

“And you are beautiful,” Joel gave a wink before peppering kisses over her lips. The playful kisses drew giggles to fall from her throat and she tipped back hearing the amusement in his breathing. “You are the best wife, the best mother and I’m so blessed to have you in my life. You were everything I could have hoped for and more.”

“God, just when I don’t think I could love you any more than I already do,” she hopped up in closer to him again to kiss him repeatedly. Joel groaned into her mouth when he felt her getting touchy with him. “We should probably get to that cabin, huh?”

Joel said nothing, just followed her as she eagerly tugged him toward the cabin. When they reached it, Joel dug his heels in and pulled her back toward him which confused her, “What is it?”

“It’s just beautiful out here tonight and I want to enjoy it with you in my arms for a few minutes,” Joel moved with her toward the water. The edge of the ground was a bit above the water and it was raised just enough so when the waves splashed it wouldn’t hit the cabin. Reaching the edge, she felt Joel’s arms hook around her waist from behind and he pulled her in closer to him. Cuddling back into his muscular chest, she enjoyed the warmth of him around her. The air around them was brisk and cool. Being near the water definitely made it feel colder. “My life is better because of you, you know that? All I’ve ever wanted was to make you happy.”

“You do. You always have,” she wrapped her arms around his and rest her head back against his collarbone. “I’d be lost without you.”

“You’ll never have to be without me,” Joel promised depositing a kiss over the side of her neck. Closing her eyes, she could tell that he was focusing on the area of her neck that he knew that she liked. Reaching her hand back, she brushed her fingers through his hair and shuddered against the motion of his lips. “I love you sweetheart. I hope you know I will always do what I think is best for you. What’s best for our family.”

“I have no doubts with that,” she opened her eyes and looked over her shoulder. Joel lowered in to kiss her and she hummed happily against his mouth while they kissed.

“Do me a favor and close your eyes baby. I have a surprise for you,” Joel nuzzled his nose against hers and it made her let out an amused sound.  

“Oh geez,” she chuckled, doing as she was instructed. Slowly his arms unwrapped from her and she heard the sound of movement behind her. Curiosity was getting the best of her, but she did what Joel asked of her and kept her eyes closed.

“You can open your eyes and turn around,” the voice was not Joel’s, but was that of Negan’s. Opening her eyes, she let out a confused breath and gradually turned on her heel to look behind her. When her eyes fell upon what was before her, she let out a surprised sound. Negan was down on his knee, holding a golden ring between his fingers. “I know this might be kind of strange, but what isn’t strange these days?”

Negan cracked a smile, his dimples showing twice as much when he took a moment to breathe, “I know I screwed up in the past and it made you question a lot of things over the last twelve years, but I am head over heels in love with you. I never thought I would ever know what it was like to love and be loved in return, but with you and Joel I know that I was wrong. You and this family have been my redemption in life. You’re everything to me. You’re beautiful, you’re strong, perfect and the most amazing woman I know. Having you in my life is everything I could have ever hoped for and more. I love you more than you will ever begin to know. I was hoping that maybe...you would like to be my wife as well and you would like to have me as your husband too?”

Lifting her gaze, Y/N saw Joel sitting on the steps of the cabin watching the two of them from where he was sitting. Joel knew about this? This was not something she was expecting. Truthfully, she never expected something like this. Shaking, she could feel her heart pounding inside of her chest. Her eyes were focused on Joel’s and he smirked when he noticed that she was staring out at him.

The soft grasp of Negan’s fingers grabbed a hold of hers and she gave him back her attention as his eyebrows bounced up, “You can say no if you want to. I understand that this is all rather fast, I just know…in this world you have to jump on your opportunities. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and our family. I know what makes me happy and I never want to let it go. It’s you and that guy over my shoulder along with those two beautiful children.”

“And you’re okay with this?” she confirmed with Negan seeing the way he eagerly nodded before she lifted her gaze to Joel to make sure he was okay with it too. This wasn’t even something that she had talked about with Joel. Joel was her husband. Negan was just part of their relationship. Thinking of adding him as her husband didn’t seem like something that even would come to her mind. Yet, here she was and she wasn’t exactly turned off by the idea. “Joel, would you be okay with this?”

“It’d be kind of strange if I wasn’t,” Joel raised the hand where the ring he shared with Negan was. Releasing a shocked sound, seeing that made her cheeks flush over, “Considering he’s kind of already my husband.”

“What?” she laughed looking between the two boys and Negan raised his hand to show that he was wearing a matching golden ring. “You married him first, huh?”

“To be fair, it was his idea,” Negan cracked a smile and she lowered her head into her palm letting out a laugh. The idea that Negan and Joel were married already kind of amused her. It was nice to know that the two of them loved each other too. There was always that fear that they would be jealous of each other. Yet, hearing that they were already ‘married’ made her feel so much better about everything. They definitely did love each other and she admired that too. When she lowered her hands from her face, her eyes connected with Negan’s and she could see that he was nervous about asking her. “He just let me do this because I said I was jealous and wished I could have done it. I want the three of us to be able to be together to be happy. I love you so much and I want to be able to spend the rest of my proving it to you. So…what do you say? Will you marry me?”

There was a silence that filled the air and it drove Negan to panic without her actually answering him. A gasp fell from his throat when he felt her swiftly moving across the area to lower herself enough to wrap her arms around his shoulders and her lips immediately came crashing over his. After kissing her a few times, Negan pulled away and let out a surprised breath, “Does that mean yes?”

“That means yes,” she chuckled now that she was on her knees with Negan and he eagerly reached for her opposite hand that she didn’t have her original wedding ring to put it on her finger. “So it’s official now, huh?”

“It is,” Negan snickered, picking her up off the ground and spinning her around in his arms. When he set her down, he saw her wave Joel on and Joel carefully got up from the steps. When he got close to them, she eagerly jumped into Joel’s arms and Joel caught her. His arms were hooked under her bottom while she kissed him over and over again. When he lowered her down to the ground Negan let out a laugh and shrugged his shoulders. “I feel a little left out. I want to jump into your arms.”

“Bring it on handsome,” Joel waved Negan on and Negan rolled his eyes, but Joel stepped before Negan and picked him up in his arms making Negan burst out with laughter. “Hey Y/N, should I carry my husband over the threshold.”

“Absolutely,” she laughed watching Joel moving up the steps. Negan’s boisterous laughter filled the air and he was absolutely amused with Joel carrying him. It was hard not giggling herself at the two men in her life being silly while she followed them toward the cabin. When Joel got Negan into the cabin, he carefully set Negan back onto his feet. Almost immediately Negan reached out to curl his fingers around the back of Joel’s neck to pull him into a lingering kiss.

“Never act like I’m not capable of carrying your ass around,” Joel laughed against Negan’s lips before nodding toward the door where he still saw Y/N on the steps. “Now it’s her turn.”

Negan turned on his heel and saw that Y/N was at the door. Grabbing a hold of her, Negan picked her up in his arms and carried her into the cabin, kicking the door closed with his foot before moving over toward the bed to drop her on top of it. The movement made him fall in over her and his lips collided with hers but their laughs interrupted their kisses. Joel sat on the edge of the bed and before he could even make another sound Negan reached for the back of Joel’s shirt to pull him back on the bed with them.

“So we all just made this a bit more complicated, huh?” Negan lifted his hand to look at the golden band on his hand and Y/N lifted hers to press her hand against his. Nodding her head toward theirs, Joel lifted his hand as well and grabbed a hold of theirs. “I can’t think of two people I would rather share this life with. I love you both so very much.”

----

Tags: @slutlanna976​  @nubbinrobin​ @oreostars​  @fuckthis-and-fuckthat​ @jennydehavilland​ @felicity291​ @de-gabyconamor​ @ibelongtonegan​ @smallsadjellyfish​ @labyrinthofheartagrams​  @msjamesmarch​ @thebeautysurrounds​ @hotfornegan​ @redmercysugar​ @caprithebunny​ @iluvneganandjamie​ @ninamarietwd @tuttifuckinfruitty​ @emoryhemsworth​ @a-girl-interupted​ @akumune​ @stoneyggirl​ @xsarcasticwriterx​​ @haleygreen23​

[bigskydreaming]

I'm so used to Dick getting hit because his family or friend was annoyed and decided he was the closest wall to punch that I never expect anything different anywhere, and then Young Justice s3 and Titans s2 caught me by the neck and threw me into a pool of unexpected catharsis. I never expected Dick to defend himself, I never expected the catharsis, I never expected how much it'd affect me. Although now that Titans s3 is upon us with a Dick vs Jason fight I'm back to the default.

I really, really, REALLY wish more people had even the slightest idea of the catharsis that can come from one character just fucking INTERVENING in a situation like we see happen so often in fics and the comics and just be like....no. That is not fucking okay. And like, without that, it literally is just...permissive? Like when Jason punches Dick in Grayson #12 after the Spyral thing, and Tim just stands there.....Tim's essentially saying its okay, he sees nothing wrong with what just happened. Which....dun dun dun....not all that surprisingly then turned into Tim punching Dick in Batman and Robin Eternal.....again with nobody upset.

Its why I've never even been able to like, go with the idea that Alfred or any of the Titans knew about what happened between Bruce and Dick in NTT #55, specifically, because like....I can't make peace with nobody saying anything about that ever. Bruce is a Big Time Superhero. Who frequently rubs people the wrong way. I don't buy that nobody's ever gonna throw that back in his face to make a point about how he's got no business being holier than thou about various topics. *Shrugs*

But yeah, unfortunately its not just canon. Like, I've read a fic where the prompt was literally like....people being glad to see Dick back from Spyral and getting actual catharsis for everything he went through instead of what we got in canon....so I went into the fic like okay, cool, this is exactly what I'm looking for. LOL nah, we got Jason STILL punching Dick anyway, even AFTER finding out about the events of NW #30 and Dick actually having died, and like, Jason was still so pissed at Dick for not TELLING them this that NOW, THAT'S why he just has to punch Dick before THEN hugging him and saying okay I just had to get that out, but now I'm over it and glad you're back.

And I was just like.....ummm. The author and people in the comments are treating this like an lol moment where all's well that end's well, and I'm like ARE YOU KIDDING ME, THAT'S THE EXACT SAME ISSUE CANON PRESENTED. Only now its WORSE, because people act like that addressed and resolved it, but with it STILL including Jason punching Dick cuz he was mad, and now with this even MORE formally being treated as like....something fine and necessary to repair their relationship. And all of this is packaged as like...the specific catharsis that people who were UPSET with how that all played out in canon like, came into this specific fic looking for....and this is what we got instead, with zero warning.

That's not even getting started on like, the super long super serious fic set during the Ric Grayson era that was supposedly about addressing Bruce's abusive actions towards ALL his kids, which FEATURED Ric as a regular character, but only ever actually DELVED into the times he'd hit Jason and then Tim. With Tim as an unreliable narrator making some reference to Bruce having hit Dick a couple times but that was different because Dick was an adult....and the author and narration at NO POINT pushing back against this to be like well actually Timmy, that's not fucking different at all, Dick is still his kid, Bruce was still taking out his anger on him, that was still abuse, and saying or even just implicitly framing it as NOT abuse the way it played out in Tim's head, when you're presenting this entire fic as a whole as like, an ode to actually acknowledging the abusive aspects of how Bruce has been written with his kids....

Again, SUPER upsetting to read and witness, because people are absolutely going to read that and internalize that as reinforcing their belief that the situations with Bruce and Dick WERE substantially different and thus not qualifying as abuse and belonging in a separate category the way Tim slotted it in his brain.....because why wouldn't they?

The author only wrote it that way because they perceived it that way, clearly, otherwise by their own stated admission of trying to tackle this subject honestly and completely, like....they would have actually made some kind of point or acknowledgment of it not being different at all and still very much abuse....and the fact that they didn't suggests they very much did see it as somehow different.....so why would readers perceive it any differently and why wouldn't its inclusion in a fic that delved into abuse so extensively NOT at least on SOME level potentially reinforce whatever leanings or perceptions they had in the same direction already? And meanwhile, this story like sooooo many others that wants to talk about abuse SERIOUSLY, all the while calls this their hobby that they do for enjoyment, so please don't criticize anything because that would ruin the HOBBY of it all for them, and its like....

And then there's the fic where its Dick hitting Jason while in the midst of a narrative that's bringing all of Jason's abuse issues and related triggers front and center, and this one is highly recommended as like, a great Dick Grayson characterization by an author who hates any and all canon renditions of Bruce being abusive and so doesn't include anything like that, and so you're going into it like okay, I'm not expecting any catharsis or anything along the lines of acknowledging Bruce's worse moments with Dick or Jason because clearly that's not what this fic is about and that's fine...but by the exact same token, I ALSO was not expecting that an author who is so vehement about how abusive Bruce is wildly OOC writing because the real Bruce would never do that and that's not how they perceive the characters, like....what I'm NOT expecting is for Dick, in a fic PRAISED for a good and complex depiction of him, to like....just fucking pop Jason one in the face and bring to mind how this makes him no different from Jason's abuser and then he runs and seeks comfort in Bruce who whether people like it or not, is canonically someone who has made Dick an abuse survivor himself....

And I'm just sitting there fucking BLIND-SIDED thinking wow, not only did I NOT want this recommended to me by the whole freaking fandom as a wonderfully nuanced portrayal of Dick Grayson, I would have kept a ten mile radius from it if it had say, a tag warning of sibling abuse, which is what they wrote between Dick and Jason, just the other way around. And its like.....I completely understand the author's dislike of abusive Bruce in canon and their desire not to engage with that content on any level, and would have been totally fine with that.....except, I naively figured there was no reason that same logic wouldn't extend to Dick, especially in so lauded a fic, because like, what? Bruce would never ever hit his family and its wildly OOC and simply not believable, even though its happened like five different times with Dick alone, but Dick hitting HIS family is a wonderfully nuanced and complicated portrayal of him? In what universe is that not gonna be a problem for some people??

But because we live in a fandom that's like, umm, this is just peoples' HOBBY, they're doing it for FUN, we're expected to be silent about stuff like this which are very real fucking problems to watch go unacknowledged in fics that claim to be TRYING to treat these topics seriously, but in reality only want to be entertainment just deep enough to move people but NOT deep enough to warrant criticism for having an undue influence on peoples' emotions or perceptions of various dynamics.....and we're supposed to be polite and just smile and say this isn't for us and let it all go, even though like, we would have KNOWN it wasn't for us and not gone anywhere near it in the first place if like, it had been tagged as sibling abuse or something like that. That would have been a clear advertisement to me that like, this is not something you want any part of.

Like, I go to fics that do acknowledge or reference Bruce's abuse to his kids because I'm LOOKING for the catharsis of having abuse actually called out as abuse....and what about that makes anyone think I or someone like me is in doing so LOOKING for characters who AREN'T already abusive to each other in canon NOW being abusive in ways that only the individual fic writer chose to depict them as? And by the same token, its not like I want to go into any fic and see more of the same thing as we get in canon, which is.....more instances of actual abuse being framed and treated as something that's just fine, actually, and nothing to worry about or take too seriously....

But meanwhile, back at the fandom farm, everyone's still totally convinced that they're so superior to canon and doing things so much better than them and fixing all their mistakes....and its like....well then why are you MAKING the EXACT same mistakes, and what the hell are we supposed to do about it with YOU guys if unlike with canon (where we can criticize but it doesn't do much good because there's no guarantee of the people who need to see it actually seeing it), we're not supposed to bring it to your attention as 'criticism-worthy' (thus making the opposite problem of where we CAN bring it to the attention of people who can see it, but we're not 'supposed to' because fandom etiquette)?

And back to the whole thing about using a sibling abuse tag as a warning for people to steer clear if this isn't something they want in their dynamics between the Batbrothers, not just Bruce and his kids....

The thing that fucking gets me every time here, is like......THIS WOULD BE SUCH AN EASY PROBLEM TO FIX, IF PEOPLE WEREN'T JUST SO FREAKING EMBARRASSED TO ADMIT THEY ACCIDENTALLY WROTE IT WITHOUT NOTICING WHAT IT WAS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Like that first example I used....I very naively DID try to bring it to the author's attention when I was new to dipping my toes back into this fandom, and boy oh boy did that just exemplify how counter-productive that is as long as people can hide behind the DONT CRITICIZE MY WORK shield. I sent a private message on Ao3 so it wouldn't even show up in their comments, and just said very simply:

"hey, I really enjoy your stuff but I was wondering if you would mind putting a warning tag of 'sibling abuse' on your latest fic? I'm not trying to tell you how to write the characters and I figure you probably didn't intend it to come across that way anyway, but as an abuse survivor, I can't help but see that dynamic pop out as such for me in a way that I would at least have liked a heads up about, if that makes sense? Its just I do see how you paralleled how the canon presented this scenario and thus get what you were trying to do there I think, but I kinda only came into this fic for the specific lure of the catharsis we DIDN'T get when things played out somewhat similar in canon, with a lot of it having to do with that dynamic between Dick and Jason, and so...yeah. This part of the comics is obviously emotionally charged for a lot of us and I just know personally, this wasn't quite the catharsis I was after for that scenario and just a quick tag like that would have helped warn me of that. Anyway, sorry for this and hope you can understand my position, I'm not trying to be heavy-handed here or anything, but this was a problem for me and just in case it might be a problem for anyone else in the future, I thought I'd try and send a quick message about that for you to do whatever you want with."

I mean, I thought I was pretty reasonable there, personally?

Yeah.

The author did not.

She went off on me for constructive criticism which she did not ask for, and did not appreciate my insinuations into her character about her being an abuse apologist, because that's clearly what I was saying there. But I mean, that's what happens here. I'd bet anything that she was just embarrassed to have written the dynamic in such a way and then been called out about something she was previously oblivious to and then felt self-conscious about having overlooked or perpetrated herself.

But like....as understandable as that is, like....that's not my problem? And that's not a reason to shut down ANY avenue for people to raise the issue when writers unknowingly perpetrate stuff like this, in ANY way, no matter HOW delicately.

I get being defensive about someone thinking you INTENDED to write a pair of brothers as abusive and saying that was fine, and I even get how, being in a defensive mindset, she could have jumped to that interpretation of what I was saying rather than what I was ACTUALLY saying which was just....look, I don't know you, I don't know your own story, but for whatever reason you didn't pick up on this potentially troubling element of what you wrote in ways that I did because of my own experiences, and I'm just trying to point the issue out as delicately as possible because I KNOW that chances are, you WOULDN'T have written things that way if you had at all perceived the dynamic as I did. And I also KNOW that for people who don't have necessarily the same experiences or perspective I do, that they're not going to be as naturally inclined to perceive trouble spots the way I'm kinda....primed to notice them, and its NATURAL for some of this to pass by peoples' notice for a variety of reasons and like....I'm not freaking mad about that?? That's FINE. That's NORMAL. You're not a bad person for writing something a 'problematic' way purely because you LITERALLY DIDN'T SEE THE PROBLEM WHEN YOU WROTE IT.

Nobody has universal experiences. Nobody has all experiences. The problem is almost NEVER somebody just WRITING something in a way that they 'should have' known better than to, especially when it comes to topics like abuse or whatever.

No, the problem is ONLY when they get all up in their butthurt feelings about being embarrassed that they DIDN'T omnisciently know that and they feel self conscious now about how they think it makes them look now that the issue HAS been raised in a way they can recognize, and so they just fucking double down on pretending there's no issue whatsoever and whomever brings it to their attention is just overstepping and who even asked, anyway.

And thus a problem that can easily be solved in TWO ways....1) by adding a simple tag acknowledging the problem area for what it is, or 2) by editing the problem area to erase or write around the issue it raises that the author didn't perceive initially and likely would have avoided from the start if they HAD, because they AREN'T someone who wants to stand KNOWINGLY by that implication and what it says or suggests.....

Instead, this problem just gets turned into a generic fandom discourse issue about critique etiquette that addresses absolutely nothing, changes nothing, makes nothing about any of this better for ANYONE, just extends the problem to one likely to be repeated over and over again because it WILL never change so long as it remains something that isn't SUPPOSED to have attention brought to it, and all of this.

All of this.

Is just self-conscious defensiveness because people didn't want to be perceived as someone who either actually thought the things they'd unknowingly implied for WHATEVER reason, or didn't care/pay enough attention to notice as a problem in the first place....

Or else they just literally DON'T care enough about the content of what they're writing enough that they actually GIVE a shit about becoming better informed on it and thus better able to steer away from troubling implications or points of view in the future. Even if pointed out by survivors or people with personal experience as such that they recognize a problem even where the author didn't themselvse, no matter WHAT their own personal relationship with the subject matter is -

(because yeah, survivors of rape and abuse can absolutely perpetuate harmful viewpoints ourselves as well, because experiencing these things doesn't take away from our being exposed to just as much of the abuse/rape culture and apologia society and media churns out regularly enough that it can cloud ANYONE'S mind on this subject, without the addition or input of other points of view).

And either way, no matter what the reason is, when people aren't willing to even ENTERTAIN input, feedback, or potentially negative or even just AWARENESS-RAISING viewpoints in response to culturally influencing fictional content they put out via a variety of fairly wide-reaching platforms that can thus reach and influence any number of mindsets, from those of survivors to potential survivors to friends or families of survivors to people with no connection to abuse or rape whatsoever currently but for whom that could change at any time because we all meet new people every day and survivors could come into your life and be affected by your views and knowledge of abuse and rape culture and apologism at any point, even if you never become a survivor yourself -

(as is my ardent wish for anyone no matter HOW much I dislike or disagree with them personally. I don't expect or WANT people to be as fully informed on a lot of this stuff as I am personally, just like I'm not like, sad about not being MORE informed on the aspects or experiences stemming from it all that aren't personally relevant to my own life, because I'm additionally very aware that my own viewpoint is not definitive and not the monolithic voice for all survivors everywhere, I've literally only ever advocated for my own perspective on these matters and anyone of a like-mind which is an entirely opt-in POV that people have to decide for THEMSELVES if they feel that applies to them versus something that I'm CLAIMING on behalf of anyone but myself) -

Anyway. Bottom line is whatever the reason for WHY people are so avoidant on this topic, the end result is we've created a culture that says people are allowed to craft fictional viewpoints on any topic in any way to any degree...but the only impact that can ever be acknowledged is positive. Nobody can point out where things can be better. Nobody can point out where things are just fucking WRONG. The entertainment of whomever wrote the thing and whomever reads it and ISN'T bothered by it in any way, is eminently more important and worth protecting than the comfort of anyone who reads the thing and is not only troubled by the viewpoint made or claims presented on a matter they're intimately acquainted with in some form or to some degree themselves.....but then merely wants their viewpoint and concerns acknowledged and made part of the conversation so that both writer and readers can potentially apply that viewpoint and ANY additional perspective or information it contains to future works.

In essence, for all the free speech and censorship talk that gets thrown around fandom spaces....THIS kinda thing RIGHT HERE?

Is the most self-evident example I can come up with of ACTUALLY shutting down conversation and the spread and dissemination of information relevant to the topics being raised as points of interest every. single. day. in this fandom and most every other one I can think of.

So if peoples' ACTUAL goal was creating spaces where the people for whom fictional content is actually MOST relevant to are encouraged and outright TOLD to try and separate their feelings from that relevancy and treat it all as an abstract.....

Just so that people for whom this content already IS an abstract and nothing more, can refrain from having it made real and thus reality-impacting, and in doing so take away some of the escapism and FUN of it all, and make it a little more 'heavy' than they wanted when they turned to it for a bit of self-indulgent angst they never intended or expected to treat (or see treated) as anything more than that?

Then its like, congrats. You did it guys. That's what you've got here. That's what you've made.

Yay.

Go team.

[a-cupof-jo]

Set Up My Heart Pt. 10

Pt. 9 -- Pt. 10 -- Pt. 11

~~

College volleyball player!Johnny Suh x reader

Rivals-to-lovers

Fluff and angst

Synopsis: Ever since that fateful day Sophomore year of high school, Johnny Suh had been an insufferable thorn in your side. Once you made it to college you thought the two of you would never have to see each other again. That is, until a sudden school transfer has the entire university buzzing.

Warnings: none

~~

“You have got to be kidding me,” you glared at Jungwoo. “When you said we were going to be playing a different team and that you knew a few of the players I thought you meant that it would be Jaehyun or maybe a team with some of the Chemistry students. Not,” you threw your hand in the direction of the bench that sat across the court from you. “Johnny Suh.”

“Well, actually I asked Tae-”

“What is he even doing on an intramural team anyway? He’s on the school team. Isn’t that a little unfair to us?” You huff crossing your arms over your chest. “I mean just look at him. Standing over there all smug like he thinks he’s going to beat us.” 

Jungwoo glanced over at Johnny. He shook his head at you as he sighed, “Y/n, he’s not. I mean look, he is just talking to his teammates. Besides, it’s not a crime for him to play intramurals; his team isn’t made up entirely of the volleyball team. I don’t recognize that guy.” He nodded at someone behind you. You glance over your shoulder to see Taeyong who had just set down his duffle bag laughing at something Johnny said. 

“Oh, that’s Taeyong. One of Taeil’s friends.” 

A slight pout settled on Jungwoo’s face, “If he’s Taeil’s friend why isn’t he on our team.”

“He is also Johnny’s friend.” You rolled your eyes at the opposing team. “Also why did neither of you mention this before. Taeil must have known. You had the opportunity to. I was at your apartment last night.” 

Jungwoo shrugged, “Johnny said that he wanted to-”

“Y/n!” you let out a shriek as large arms pick you up and spin you around. “I missed you!”

“Lucas, put me down!” your grip on his arms tightened as he slowed to set you back on the ground. You laugh, turning to look at him, “I missed you too, but don’t scare me like that.” You gave him a light slap to the shoulder. He grinned at you, setting his bag on the bench next to you. “Now, hurry up, get ready. We have a game to win.” 

~~

“Fancy seeing you here,” Johnny stood across the net one hand raised over his shoulder the another behind his back. You glanced back at your court looking for the spot Johnny was telling the server to attack. “What? You’re ignoring me.”

You look back at him, “I’m trying to focus.”

“Must be hard, right? I know I can be very distracting,” he teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

“In your dreams,” you wanted to reach over and shove him, but the announcement of the server stopped you. “You won’t win this time, Suh.” 

“In your dreams, L/n,” he grinned at you before you sprinted to your new position on the court. The setter moved to the ball Taeil had passed up. You glanced down at Johnny who had started to shift your way. In the three sets that your team had gone against Johnny's you had yet to go head to head with Johnny. A mix of him only playing as a middle hitter and you switching between DS, setter, and opposite side hitter allowed for no confrontation between you two. Johnny lunged toward your end on the net as you jumped into the air. His arms reached up as you swung. The top of his hand nicked the ball and it went spinning towards the edge of the court. Johnny spun away from you, his long hair flying away from his face. “Get it up!” He yelled as he moved to the far side of Taeyong, who happened to be their setter. 

“Go middle!” You stepped in next to Lucas, Doyoung on his otherside as Johnny jumped for the short ball Taeyong set up. You felt more than saw the ball slam into yours and Lucas’s hands. Johnny’s face morphed into panic as he lunged for the ball coming back down his side of the net. The ball shanked off his extended hand and landed on the floor outside the court. 

“That’s set,” a dark haired boy sitting on the sideline called. “25- 19, Ball Busters.” Mark, you remember Johnny calling him, waved his hands motioning for the captains to meet with him. Jungwoo and a boy you didn’t know jogged to him. 

“Good volley,” you turned your head looking to where Johnny stood on the other side of the net. Your eyebrows furrowed as he threw a smile at you. You couldn’t help but question why he was being nice to you all the sudden. Just last night he had practically thrown you off the couch in their apartment. 

“You too,” you nod at him a little wary of the grin on his face. 

“But we will take this game,” he placed his hands on his hips. 

Taeyong rolled his eyes as he stepped up next to him, “Johnny, please this is just a scrimmage. Hey, Y/n how are you?” 

You smile at the kind boy as Johnny throws a hand over his shoulder. “I know, Yong, but I don’t think Y/n understands that.” You scoff at him, “She’s been sending me death glares all night.”

“It’s called being in the zone, Johnny.” You tried to defend, “And I wasn't glaring at you, I was trying to stay focused.”

“Mhmm, that’s why you asked to switch positions in that set. Cause you were trying to-”

“Y/n!” You looked to where Jungwoo was now standing at the bench, “Your phone is ringing.” 

“Can you see who it is?” You turn to him. There shouldn’t be anyone calling you. You weren’t expecting anyone to be calling you.

Jungwoo smiled up at you as you took a few steps toward him, “It’s your dad.” He gave your phone a little shake. 

“What,” you breathed. 

At the same time you heard a louder voice come from behind you. A voice that you knew understood more than the others, it almost sounded angry, “Your dad?” You threw a warning look at Johnny who had ducked under the net and walked faster to come instride with you, “You’ve been talking to your dad?” 

You glared at him as you grabbed the now silent phone, “No, not that it’s any of your business.” You take a quick glance at the phone screen seeing a voicemail from your mother along with several missed calls from both of your parents. You placed your phone back in your bag before turning into a broad chest, “Johnny,” you hissed. 

“Y/n,” concern was written all over his face. 

“Leave it,” your voice came out in a whisper and you gave his chest a firm shove. “It doesn’t concern you. It never has.”

“You can’t say,” Johnny gripped your arm. “Because for a moment it did, and I still care. Tell me if there’s something wrong.” 

You shook your head at him, “You don’t get to care anymore. Now let go of me,” you ripped your arm out of grip. “You're causing a scene,” you give one last look before approaching your teammates.

“Everything okay?” Taeil shifted so you could enter the circle. 

You nodded at him, “So what’s the plan?”

“We have the serve, “ Jungwoo smiled at you. As he continued talking to the group, you looked over his head to see Johnny watching you from his team huddle. You glared at him and he shook his head before bending back down to the circle. “We ready?” Jungwoo put his hand in the center waiting for everyone elses to pile on top of it. “Win on three. 1, 2, 3 win,” You all chimed in your voices booming through the gym. 

Johnny’s eye caught yours again through the net, but instead of them being hard and cold, they were questioning and cautious. A look you used to be familiar with. A look that you had gotten from him when your dad had been brought up during your guys' conversation. A look that used to turn into kindness and was welcoming. Now it hardened into a competitive stare, and as the whistle blew you couldn’t help but want his eyes back on you.

~~

You breathed out as the ball landed hard on the other side of the net. A cheer went up from your team as you watched the score change. 14-12, one more point was all you needed to beat Johnny’s team. You caught the ball as it rolled back under the net. Confidence was always something you had in your serves. Deep floaters were your specialty. You could recall many games that had been won because of your tricky serves. 

Mark blew the whistle and you bounced the ball, once, twice, three times before tossing it in the air. You waited just a moment before jumping into it and sending it careening over the net.  Racing onto the court you waited for the other team to send it back. You watched their libero send it up to Taeyong who pushed it high into the air. Johnny approached the net fast jumping high to meet the ball over the net. 

Doyoung and Jungwoo jumped up to block him. You shifted just left of Doyoung’s shoulder in time to see the ball spiraling towards you. You lunged forward, the ball smacking your forearms hard before launching back into the air. Taeil called out for it sending towards your opposite side hitter. She jumped up, meeting the ball for a crosscourt hit. Johnny jumped late trying to stop the ball before it hit the ground. He missed. You watched in surprise as the ball landed a foot away from the libero. A cheer went up from your team. You raced to the center of your court to celebrate. From the corner of your eye, you saw Taeyong moving racing across the court. You turned to see Johnny sitting up with his hands coming up to cradle his knee. You could help the concern that tightened in your gut. Johnny met Taeyong’s eyes with a small smile. You watched him wave Taeyong motioning that he only needed a moment. He took a deep breath before standing up. You watched him test putting pressure on his knee. He gave a slight limp before saying something else to Taeyong who sprinted to the bench and pulled a brace out of a bag. You glanced again at Johnny, realizing that he was leaving pressure off the knee that had recently just healed from surgery. 

“Come on, let’s go shake hands,” Taeil tugged you to the net where the other team now stood. 

You gave the other team high fives thanking them for scrimmaging you. Johnny stood at the other end of the line no longer obviously favoring his good knee. As you made your way to him, he met your eyes and raised an eyebrow as you finally stood across from him, “I told you I’d win.”

Johnny hummed, crossing his arms, “Your team did, yes.”

“Thank you for scrimmaging us,” you reached out to shake his hand. He gave it a light shake repeating the sentients. You wanted to say more. To ask him if his knee was going to be okay. The air grew awkward and you gave him a tight smile before beginning to turn away from him.

“Y/n,” his hand landed on your shoulder. You spun around to meet him now on your side of the net. “I know that I don’t have the right to know, but,” he hesitated and you knew where the conversation was going, “if you are having issues with your dad. Please know that I will help you if you ask.” 

You nodded lightly, pushing his hand off your shoulder, “Thank you, but I don’t need a hero. I can handle this.”

“I know you can but,” all you could see was hesitation and maybe slight fear. Did he think you were going to get mad? Yell at him? Maybe you had been too mean to him, but he hurt you first. “It doesn’t hurt to have people on your side.” 

You nod glancing away from his soft brown eyes, “I know, but I don’t think I can let you on my side again.” Johnny sighed regret written across his face. “But maybe, I need to stop being so petty. We are both different people now.” 

You both have changed since high school. Mistakes were made, but maybe you could learn to move past them, but not yet. Scars that had healed had been ripped open when he showed up again. 

“We are,” Johnny nodded. “We don’t have to be friends. I don’t expect that from you. Just maybe we could not be so hostile to each other?” He shrugged. 

You hated that about him. That he was kind and understanding. He knew how to ease your conscience. He always had, and your heart ached at the thought of you two riding in buses and sitting outside of locker rooms talking about school, sports, interests, and family life, “Of course, thank you.” Your throat felt tight and you tried to smile at him.  

“Y/n,” Lucas pulled your attention away from Johnny. The heat you felt pressing at your eyes disappeared. “Hurry up! We are gonna go eat a celebratory meal! Doyoung’s buying.”

“Wait what?!” Doyoung shot up from bending over his bag. “I did not agree to-.” 

Jungwoo grabbed both of their arms and herded the two toward the gym door, “We’ll be in the parking lot.” He smiled back at you two. 

You smiled at them before turning to Johnny again only to see him ducking under the net and walking towards Taeyong, “Johnny,” you called to his back. He stopped and looked over his shoulder at you. “Take care of your knee when you get home. Ice compresses and elevate it for a while.” Johnny nodded his head smiling at you before walking to Taeyong who instantly started fussing over him. 

“What was that,” Taeil raised an eyebrow as you pulled your shoes off. 

“What?” You looked up to where he stood over you. He gave you a knowing look. You shook your head, “Whatever you’re thinking, it needs to stop.”

Taeil just gave you a soft grin, “I’m very proud of you. No matter how hard this is going to be, you made a step in the right direction with Johnny.”

You looked over to where Johnny stood laughing with Taeyong. You couldn’t help but smile at the two, “I hope you’re right.”

~~

Tag List: @qianinterprises @jaxminskale @infnteen @lanadreamie @michplusb @beyond-gethsemane @stayctday @nanascupid @sadgirlroo

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 8--For Blood

As always, placed behind a cut for those of you that would rather escape my babbling, lol.  You’re welcome.  

Sadly, I don’t think this is anticipation I feel.  I’m pretty sure it’s dread but okay.  Here we go.  

This episode has to go up from the rock bottom boredom of last week, right?  

Let me preface what I’m about to say with the truth that I in no way hate Maggie.  She’s been with us since Season 2 and I have an emotional attachment to her, mostly due to my love of Glenn and the way he loved her.  She’s not my favorite by any means, but the fact of the matter is, I do like and appreciate her and don’t mind that she is back because it’s nice to have old familiar faces with us to take us into the final season.  That said?  Forcing Maggie front and center after her long absence ultimately, IMHO, has not worked in these first 8 episodes.  I can’t help but feel if ASZ had been the A story with Maggie/Negan and Daryl/Leah/the Reapers the B1 and B2 story?  These episodes would have been better received overall and not feel so much like they’re trying so hard.  Maybe lead me toward the water instead of shoving my head in it next time, Angela?  Hmm?  

Oh goodie.  They’re opening at Meridian.  Should I get my bathroom break out of the way now or give myself an out for later?  Call it Shae’s choice, lol.  

That flicker of a smirk Leah gave to Carver after their mini walk down memory lane had more spark to it than the entirety of her and Daryl’s toxic relationship.  In the future, maybe Angela will lean all in on them instead of Leah and Daryl.  Something tells me Leah knows this “brother” biblically.  

Daryl recognizes Whisperer moves when he sees ‘em.  Somehow, he realizes Maggie and Negan have banded together however reluctantly.  

Pope doing it “Dixon’s” way but not allowing Dixon to do the actual thing shows the level of distrust and paranoia the man still haves for outsiders. 

Look at Daryl chewing his lips with worry for his people.  If he and Leah know each other even a little bit, she has to recognize that as one of his tells.  

Ooohhhh.  Who took the first stab at Wells?  Maggie?  Negan?  Father G?  I swear.  I took my eyes off the “ball” one second and the whole damn play is halfway down the field.  Sorry.  If you cannot tell, I watched football with the fam yesterday, lol.  

The Walking Dead logo didn’t crumble this time.  Interesting.  Parts of it looked like it had been rebuilt.  With brick.  Wood.  Other parts of it looked reclaimed by nature.  Call me crazy, but that almost looks like an eye/part of a face on the first D.  

Okay then.  Babbling nonsense about the logo over, lol.  Tell me.  Please.  Anybody.  How do the events at ASZ line up with the events at Meridian?  Because it’s night and full-blown storming in ASZ and still daylight at Meridian.  But hey.  Thank fuck we’re in ASZ.  

All the babies huddled together giving me feels.  Sorry.  I know some feel they have no place on the show, but I personally enjoy their inclusion from time to time.  It usually plucks hard at my heartstrings.  

Connie tenderly comforting an injured Virgil is sweet, not gonna lie.  

Aww.  Is that Hershel petting a scared RJ’s hair?  Unless it’s a case of me not being able to pick out and place all the little hands, which it most certainly could be, I’m thinking Judith’s got her hand on her knee and that’s Hershel’s hand in RJ’s hair.  Regardless of whose hand is where, it was a sweet little scene.  What can I say?  I’m easy because Baby Glenn and Baby Rick, ya’ll.  

Oh snap.  The windmill’s on fire and pieces of the wall are blowing down main street ASZ like steel tumbleweeds, lol.  

Anybody else having flashbacks to the barn from Season 5?  Good times.  We still had most of Team Family with us then.  They were in a bad place, hurting and lost and just trying to survive--when are they not just trying to survive?--but they were together.  I miss them.  

Carol and Lydia holding each other.  These two, lovelies, have my whole heart.  

Wells is Walker Jerky, Shaw.  Stop wasting your breath.  

“She did.  My enemy.”  I mean, are we supposed to get the impression Maggie’s been a formidable adversary to Pope?  Because she feels more like a roach that simply knows the best rocks to hide under.  Granted, roaches are hard to kill but still.  I’m gonna need them to give us something better than Maggie being Pope’s enemy simply because she didn’t want to give up her home without a fight because this is frankly unbelievable and bordering on stupid.  

Alright.  So they’ve obviously been sowing the seeds of distrust and defiance between Leah and Pope because she doesn’t like losing family but Daryl?  Man?  You and Leah have differing opinions about how family operates.  Trust me on this.  

So.  Three teams, huh?  Aaron fighting the windmill fire, Carol repairing the breach in the wall, Rosita protecting the babies that represent their future.  Choose your fighters, lol.  Seriously, though.  Why do I have the sinking feeling only one group is going to be shown actually doing their thing?  

Listen.  Am I pissed we haven’t gotten the scene we deserve yet between Carol and Connie after all that’s happened and we’re getting crumbs mainly because Angela wrongly feels the Reapers/Maggie & Negan/Daryl & Leah need more focus?  Absolutely.  You bet your sweet asses.  But Melissa fucking McBride just took the crumbs allotted her and made a magnificent, work of art cake out of it trying all on her lonesome to feed us starving Carol fans.  

Bless Connie wanting wanting to go with Carol.  What a show of trust and sister-like solidarity that must have some hate-rotted guts about to turn themselves out.  

I love Kelly and Connie’s sister bond.  No ill will intended, but It takes the good parts of Maggie and Beth and elevates it beyond anything those two ever showed us.  I really feel like that’s a testament to Angel and Lauren’s real life ease with each other.  

Magna choosing to go with Aaron makes me wonder if it’s possible she feels some kind of residual guilt over Connie.  Not guilt for anything she’s actually done, but simply guilt over making it out.  

Virgil volunteering to help.  Okay.  Damn.  I’m honestly starting to like the guy.  

Judith offering to go with her aunt Carol had me all up in my feels.  I mean, granted.  It was a blink and you miss it scene.  We really deserved a longer heart to heart between that little girl and the woman that’s sacrificed so much to keep her safe and loved her for so long, but you know I’ll gobble any and all Judith/Aunt Carol content up.  Seems to me, Little Ass Kicker is just as afraid of letting Aunt Carol out of her sight as Uncle Daryl.  My heart.  

Gracie and Aaron are sweet.  And honestly?  I find them more realistic and true to what normal parents and children would be like in a ZA than Judith and Michonne no matter how much I love that bond.  I mean no disrespect, but I really do.  

“Why am I keeping you around?”  Pope asking the question we’re all wondering.  

Not Apocalypse Popeye comparing Daryl to a stray dog.  Joe from the Claimers already declared Daryl an outside cat that thought he was an indoor cat.  I did have to internally cheer when Daryl was like “I’m ain’t gonna lick it” talking about the helping hand Pope had extended him.  

“Somehow she has turned the dead against the living.  Oh, that’s impressive.”  The thing about Pope respecting Maggie so much as an enemy is I just find it hard to buy, lol.  Like if this had been Carol, yeah.  But Maggie?  Nope.  They’ve mostly shown her (with Gage being the bewildering exception) to be all bark and no bite.  

Has the house in ASZ really become that dilapidated that they can see through its walls?  Because its original owners dodged a bullet if so.  

Look at Grace hero-worshipping Judith.  It’s sweet.  

Virgil telling Judith Michonne would be proud of her is nice but doesn’t feel as earned as if someone like Daryl or Carol that actually knew Michonne well said it.  But maybe that’s the whole point--Judith needs to hear it from someone she knows isn’t going to just say what she wants to hear.  

Call me jaded, it was a touching scene, but also?  It felt designed to allow Judith to move beyond her very normal and realistic feelings of being abandoned by Michonne, even though she gave her the “okay” herself.  Like she’s still a kid.  Wants don’t always line up with feelings.  Anyway.  Cailey continues to be a bright, shining little star and I love how she’s managed to make Judith a true amalgamation of all the people she’s loved who have loved her in return.  Not just Michonne.  I know people like to overlook and cheapen the fact, but it’s taken a village and entire family to raise her from infancy.  

Gracie really should have known better than play in front of the windows during a storm period, but oh well.  Plot point, lol.  

Seriously, though.  I feel like they’ve teased poor Gracie’s demise in a multitude of ways since the beginning of the season.  I hope nothing ultimately comes of it but I fear it will.  All I can say if the worst comes to happen is poor Aaron.  

Where are Negan and Elijah though?  Ouch.  There they are, taking on shrapnel for the cause.  

Ready the what now?  

There’s ASZ’s Baby Sitter Extraordinaire!  Barbara, is it?  That lady’s been putting in the work since Season 5 at least.  

I’ve honestly grown to love Rosita.  More of her and less of Maggie, please and thank you.  

“Let’s stay away from the windows.”  I’m sorry but I had to LMAO at that.  Still a badass moment though.  

Gabe hobbling toward his assigned sentinel.  At least they haven’t forgotten he’s injured like they seemed to forget Daryl was near death last season before the attack on Hilltop, lol.  

“It’s hard to watch something you care about change.”  Listen, Leah.  Chick.  You and Daryl obviously never really knew each other.  It’s always been obvious but I have a feeling “DIxon” is finally going to show you, spoilers or no spoilers.  

WTF are they calling that thing?  Sorry.  I have just as hard a time understanding Pope’s accent as I do Maggie’s sometimes.  

That’s not love that has Daryl telling Leah she can come with him.  That’s care for somebody he used to know.  There is a distinct difference that’s obviously lost on so many.  How can you really and truly love someone you cannot trust?  Especially in Daryl Dixon’s case?

Why does Angela hate us so much?  Giving us all these Reaper scenes and leaving us to simply imagine Carol and Connie and Kelly working side by side to save the wall?  

I think I honestly could have enjoyed this whole Reaper storyline more, at least a little bit anyway, had they not retrofitted a half-assed romance between Daryl and the story’s weakest link and if only they’d made it the B storyline and given earned deference to the goings-on in ASZ instead.  

I wonder if Glenn taught Maggie how to hot write a car?  I miss my baby Glenn.

Apocalypse Popeye is several fries short of a Happy Meal.  What else is new on this show, lol?  

I care for Maggie.  Mostly for nostalgia’s sake and Glenn and Baby Hershel but damn, man.  She’s not actually proven herself got be worth killing your entire “family” for.  But are too far gone, so.  We’ll make allowances.  

I will say at least this episode is not as abysmally biring as last week’s episode.  

Leah finally giving Pope the throat punch he’s been asking for but I’m not fooled she’s on Daryl’s side here.  She’s always been on her own side.  

Look at Father G returning the favor for Maggie saving him in the tower.  Taking Deaver down!  Poor Deaver barely saw the light of day.  

Here comes that woman scorned part.  I can feel it.  

“Pope is dead.  Dixon murdered him.  He’s with the enemy.”  

Please, Angela.  I’m begging you.  Bring Carol into this story and ramp it the fuck up.  You been idling too damn long and the car is fast running outta gas.  

Bitch really has to die to framing Carol’s Pookie.  

Rosita and Lydia and Carol and Connie and Kelly and Magna have literally been holding up this damn show while Angela farts around with the Reapers bullshit.  Honorable mention goes to Aaron but these lovely, badass ladies been putting in the real work and not getting any of the glory.  You just know they’re tired AF.  

Not my babies Lydia and Judith being the cliffhanger!  Oh and Gracie.  Angela?!  A word.  

Listen.  Carol’s already done that fireworks trick.  That Reaper dude owes her royalties.  Granted, it was on a smaller scale but much more impressive for it because she was left to be the sharpshooter.  

Angela has a point.  It is kind of cool how Team Family have learned from their enemies and assimilated their useful points into their own cache of knowledge.  

I truly feel like the Leah/Reaper storyline would have benefitted from a much stronger actress.  Just saying.  

I know Judith annoys some with her precociousness but Cailey just keeps teeing off on what they give her and personally?  I feel she’s so very talented and light years beyond her little acting counterparts so it still works.  

“They’re never gonna choose each other over the people that they’ve loved and fought for because they simply cannot really trust each other.  There’s sort of, like a toxicity at the base of that relationship.”  Straight from Angela’s mouth.  

“At the end of the day, Daryl chose his family.”  Yeah, he did.  That “I belong with you” shit only happened when he felt they were all gone, including the one he loved above all others--Carol.  Fight me.  

Overall impression of the episode?  

On its own, disregarding how much I can’t help resenting how much time I feel has been “wasted” setting this story up, it was much more entertaining than Episode 7 which was only epic in that it was an epic bore.  There was still too much focus on the Reapers when I just just kept wanting to see what was happening at ASZ.  I mean, they cheated us out of Carol and Connie and Kelly working together. Of Aaron and Magna.  Call it personal preference coloring my opinions if you want, but the characters I care about feel like they’ve been shown the backseat for this self-indulgent exploration of Angela’s OC and her version of self-insert FF with Daryl Dixon.  If we can return to Team Family?  The whole Team Family and not just Maggie and Co. against the world?  You’ve got me.  If not?  Well.  You’ll keep losing me by degrees and you don’t want to do that on the final season.  

Anyway.  The ASZ parts were my favorites per usual.  The episode could have used a lot more of those.  

[css1992]

Secret Smile

Prompt/Summary:“After being in a relationship for years, Peter is finally back on the market. Tony immediately rushes to make his interest known, but he didn’t realize he had competition. (Maybe a college AU? Or something where they’re closer in age)”

Warnings: Explicit, 18+, mentions of an abusive relationship (not between main pairing, not explicit), violence (not between main pairing), mentions of blood, jealousy. If you find anything triggering, please let me know!

Word count:13.4k

-x-

Finally, he laid eyes on him.

Peter was standing in the corner, drink in hand, and his eyes looked sad, but there was relief in his lose, smiling lips. Tony sometimes forgot how beautiful he was, how the corner of his eyes crinkled when he laughed; how his lips always looked soft an inviting, even when they were set in a straight line; how his curls always looked messy and bouncy; and how he used to be his.

In a way.

It was easy to forget Tony used to be the center of his attention, easy to forget how he used to look at him like he hung the moon. How he said things without using words, how he had this specific, secret smile that he used only for Tony. It was easy to forget because he used to think he would have time to commit all those things to memory. He used to think he had all the time in the world – but, as it turned out, time was a fickle thing.

So he didn’t want to waste it anymore, not again.

He stalked towards Peter and saw the exact moment when he noticed his presence. It was like the younger man had a radar, he could tell when Tony was looking at him, no matter from how far, no matter how many other people were around them. It was like he could smell him from miles away, he would look around and their eyes would meet before Tony could ever look away. And always, without fail, that beautiful, slow smile would spread across his lips, even if all he ever did was wave silently at him.

Even if they never talked anymore.

Peter looked surprised and the smile faltered a little when he noticed Tony was heading his way. The older boy took a deep breath and kept moving through the sweaty, dancing bodies that separated them in the living room. When he finally reached him, his eyes were wide, mouth hanging open, cheeks flushed. He looked breathless – and breathtakingly beautiful.

“Hey,” the older boy greeted, because how else could he bridge that two-year gap when they didn’t speak to each other, just smiled and waved politely from across the room?

“Tony,” Peter breathed out, still looking a little surprised, but mostly confused, and Tony couldn’t blame him. They used to be inseparable in high school, but ever since he left for college, it was never the same again, not even when Peter followed him a year later.

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” he said dumbly, and Peter frowned, but smiled anyway.

“We see each other every week.” He dropped his gaze to look at his feet, hands buried in his pockets. They took Professor Strange’s class together, so, yeah, of course they saw each other every week. Stupid Tony.

“No, yeah, I mean, we haven’t talked in a while,” which was the understatement of the century, of course. Tony was going to say something clever, but it slipped his mind when Peter raised his eyes to meet his gaze again and the older man finally noticed that his cheeks weren’t just flushed – his left cheekbone was bruised. It was a little swollen and purplish, just under his eye. Before Tony could think twice, his hand flew up to cup his face carefully, and Peter flinched for a fraction of a second, before leaning into the touch, eyes fluttering closed. “What –“

Someone coughed loudly to his left and it was like some kind of spell was instantly broken. Tony was reminded that they weren’t alone in some alternate universe where only they existed, but rather at a very loud, very crowded party.

“Uh – Sorry! Uhm, Tony, this is Harry!” Peter jumped away from him and Tony’s eyes flew to the guy next to him. He looked expensive and aristocratic in a way that Howard would probably want him to look, his clothes were impeccable, his hair carefully gelled back. He had high cheekbones, straight brows, and eyes that glared daggers at him, clearly telling him to fuck off. “He’s a friend. Harry, this is Tony, he, uh – we used to go to school together.”

Tony pretended that it didn’t hurt that now all that he was to Peter was an old acquaintance – it was mostly his fault, anyway. He focused on the purplish bruise on his cheek, ignoring the hand that the other boy extended to him in greeting.

“What happened to your face?” He asked, raising his fingers to try and touch it again, but Peter dodged them immediately.

“It’s nothing.” He looked intently into his eyes and Tony knew what he meant – let it go. And he wished he had a right to demand an answer, but of course he didn’t. He was just someone he went to school with.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” He glanced sideways at the other guy who stood that much closer to Peter now, frowning, trying to assert some dominance or something, but the younger man seemed barely aware of his presence.

“He – I – we’re not together anymore.” And Tony knew that, of course. Had known for a week, Natasha called him as soon as she heard it from Wanda. She didn’t know many details, but she said it was ugly, which begged the question: how ugly? Why was Peter’s face bruised?

And who the fuck was Harry, anyway, and what the fuck was he doing with an arm around Peter’s waist?

“Hm,” Tony muttered, eyes lingering on Harry’s fingers brushing Peter’s hipbone, and he noticed when the younger boy discreetly pulled away until he let go of him. “Do you wanna get out of here?” He asked, casually, like they could still say stuff like that to each other, and Peter was taken aback.

“Dude, we were having a private conversation here, wh –“

“Fuck off.” Tony didn’t spare the other guy a glance, eyes focused on Peter, who shook his head, as if getting out of a trance.

“No, he’s right, Tony, I – sorry, I can’t go with you. I’ll see you around, okay?” He waited for an answer for a few seconds, but when Tony said nothing and didn’t make any move to leave, he sighed. “Ok. C’mon, Harry.” He walked away in the general direction of the backdoor of the house the party was being held at and Tony let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, when he felt a firm hand land on his shoulder.

“Tough night, huh?” When he looked over his shoulder, it was Nat, smiling pitifully at him.

“Something like that.” He rubbed a hand across his forehead, turning around to face her. He accepted the red cup she offered him. “Do you know this Harry?”

“Harry Osborn. He’s been following Peter around like a lost puppy for a few months now, I think Peter and Beck’s fight had something to do with him, you know he was a jealous fucker.” Yeah, Tony knew. It was one of the reasons he and Peter hadn’t talked in nearly two years before that night.

“Do you think Peter likes him?” He asked, quietly, and the redhead shrugged, looking in the direction they had wandered off to.

“I’m not sure, he never tells him to fuck off, but he’s too polite to do that anyway, so.” She looked back at him with a serious gaze, brows furrowed. “Why, gonna give up that easily?”

“Of course not, I just –” Tony looked into his cup, biting his lower lip. “He didn’t seem too excited to see me, it’s all.” He shrugged, a little defeated, and Nat chuckled.

“He was a little shocked, you haven’t talked to him in years, give him some time.” She smiled, slapping his arm encouragingly. “C’mon, Romeo, the night is still young.”

But not young enough, it seemed. Tony didn’t see Peter again until a few hours later, when he watched him leave with Harry’s fucking arm around his shoulder and it felt like losing him, all over again.

–*–  

One day, Tony blinked and Peter was taken.

Suddenly, that sweet boy who was always by his side, with huge, bright eyes and that innocent, wishful look on his face, went off with someone else. Which was – unexpected. Unexpected, yes, because Tony saw the way he looked at him, the way his eyes glinted as he listened to him, the way his cheeks burned a lovely pink when they touched, the way that shy, secret smile made its way across his face whenever they were close enough.

Tony knew Peter was in love with him, the boy couldn’t keep it a secret if he tried.

And he loved him, too. He loved the sound of his voice as he explained chemical equations Tony pretended not to understand, just to hear him talk nerdy. He loved how silly he looked when someone said something unexpectedly funny and he let out a surprised giggle. He loved his small, steady hands, that were always helpful in the workshop Howard set up for him back home. He loved his weird left eyebrow, which seemed to be perpetually disheveled.

He did. The timing just wasn’t right.

They were so young when they first met, Peter hadn’t even had his first kiss yet, all those years ago at Midtown High. Tony remembered falling in love with him on their way from the AP Physics classroom to the cafeteria, remembered stealing his first kiss after school by his car, in the parking lot, and panicking right after because he just wasn’t ready.

For commitment, for Peter.

But to be honest, he was so sure he was always going to be there, he wasn’t in any rush. He thought he could take his time before he settled down with Peter, so he dated other people – although, to be fair, it wasn’t really dating, it was just fooling around, he was just having fun, it didn’t mean anything. Even so, he knew it made the younger boy miserable. He pretended not to notice how red and puffy his eyes were some days, when rumors were spread about Tony’s hook-ups.

He thought he had all the time in the world, so he took it.

He left for MIT a year earlier than Peter and that was when it all went south. Because of Quentin Fucking Beck. He was charming, handsome and a genius in his own right. None of those things mattered to Peter, Tony knew, he was such a nice boy. What won him over were the niceties, the card on valentine’s day, the innocent teddy bear on his birthday, the invitation to senior prom. Tony fucking knew and he should have seen it coming, but he was cocky, he was confident that Peter loved him above all those little gestures, that he loved him enough to look past those and wait. Wait for him to be ready. Because he must have known, right? He must have known that Tony loved him, too. Wanted him, too.

But Peter didn’t know, it seemed.

Because he went off with Beck, he kissed him at the end of the night at prom, he went home with him, lost his virginity to him, then called Tony the next morning and told him all about it. Tony thought maybe it was just – maybe Peter was confused, maybe it wasn’t serious, because he loved Tony, why would he want to be with Beck?

The older boy went back home for the summer break, after a year away. He thought it would all go back to normal, that he and Peter would see each other everyday, hang out together in Tony’s workshop – the only place he felt at home – or at Peter’s place, and he would realize he was wasting his time with Beck. Tony was ready by then, the thought of losing Peter to someone else was enough of a wake-up call, so he was ready to settle down, he was ready for commitment.

Peter was waiting for him at the airport and jumped in his arms as soon as his Tony-radar picked up on him. He kept him company when he went home to face Howard, but then he had to leave early because he had a date with Beck. Which was okay, really. The following day, Tony went to visit May and they hung out for a while, but soon after, Beck was there, too. The next day he made plans to catch a movie with Peter and, sure enough, he showed up with Quentin attached to his hip.

And Peter laughed at his jokes and let him hold him by the waist and let him whisper in his ear and payed attention to every word he said, like it fucking mattered, and it didn’t, because seriously, that guy was a prick, he was arrogant and full of himself and – what the fuck was Peter doing with him?

Beck started tagging along every-fucking-where they went, even in the workshop. Tony slowly began to notice that it wasn’t because he wanted to be with Peter at all times, at least not only because of that. He was jealous – possessive, even. Whenever Tony got physically close to the younger boy, he’d glare at him, sometimes he even “playfully” pulled Peter back. If Tony ever suggested he and Peter do something just the two of them, for old time’s sake, the younger man looked uncertain, almost nervous, so he stopped asking.  

At the same time, Peter seemed to miss their time together, too, but he couldn’t seem to be able to tell Beck to fuck off. He always had that apologetic look on his face when he asked if it was okay for Beck to come and Tony put on his best, fake smile when he said yes.

At first, Tony thought he could take it, he thought that he could hang out with them and not be weird, but he was wrong. It was fucking weird. Because he was in love with Peter and Peter was in love with someone else.

So Tony stopped calling as the weeks went by, then he stopped picking up Peter’s calls, then he stopped answering his texts until they were reduced to only exchanging waves and smiles by the end of the summer, as if they’d never been friends before.

To be honest, Tony thought it was temporary, because deep down he believed – had to believe – that  Peter still loved him, even if he was dating Beck. So, whatever, they wouldn’t talk for maybe a few months, but soon enough he would realize that Quentin was shit and that he was better off with Tony. But he didn’t. He kept dating Beck for two fucking years and when Tony finally accepted that he had missed his chance and that he should move on and find someone new, Nat called him. And he decided he wouldn’t waste any time this time around and still, somehow, he was fucking late.

Because of Harry fucking Osborn.

– *–

Two days after the party, Peter posted a selfie on Instagram. He was lying in bed looking cozy and sleepy, the caption read “Three more weeks to go”, probably referring to the upcoming spring break. He looked effortlessly beautiful and soft, but what drew Tony’s attention, what got his heart pumping and his hands shaking was the glimpse of a dark blue hoodie with yellow strings that looked an awful lot like the one Tony had lent him in high school and never got back.

Did Peter do that on purpose? He must have known Tony would see it, right? Was that a sign? He was wearing his clothes, for fuck’s sake.

“Nice hoodie.” He shot him a DM and bit his nails as he waited for Peter to see it. For some reason, he thought he might not answer at all. Tony was still a little disappointed by the way he reacted at the party, but he didn’t even know what he’d been expecting. He was the asshole, after all, he was the one who stopped picking up the phone.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t recognize it, in case you’d want it back.” Tony’s heart did a little back flip in his rib cage and a wide smile spread across his face. It was a playful answer, a peace offering.  And maybe it meant he’d been thinking of him when he took that picture, maybe even before that, when he put on the hoodie. Did he wear it often?

“Well, then you shouldn’t have posted that pic, I’d recognize it anywhere. It brings back lots of good memories.” Like walking back to Peter’s place after going to the movies together, wrapping said hoodie around his shoulders when he saw him shiver, hanging out at his place until late that night, getting yelled at by May for putting his feet on the couch, going home hoodieless, thinking that the next day he’d be leaving for Boston and wouldn’t be seeing Peter for a while. Little did they know they’d never have nights like that again after that day.

“So you want it back?” He asked with a sad emoji and Tony couldn’t help but smile to himself, shaking his head no to no one in particular.

“Nah, it’s yours. It has always suited you better, anyway.” Peter didn’t write anything back for a few minutes, and Tony was afraid it was the end of the conversation, but then another message came.

“Not true, you looked pretty good in it.” Tony puffed out his chest proudly and felt stupid when he realized Peter wouldn’t see it, then quickly started typing.  

“Never said I didn’t, you’re just way cuter in it, what with the sleeves hanging off your hands and all.” He was again nervous for Peter’s answer, which came quickly.

“I just have short arms.” He sent it with the emoji of the little monkey covering its eyes. For whatever reason, it reminded Tony of the bruise on his face at the party, and it bothered him to no end that he still didn’t know what happened. Well, deep in his heart, he did, he just didn’t want to believe it was true, because if it was – then it meant he’d failed Peter.

“Hey, how’s your face? I was worried the other night.” He asked, trying to make it sound casual, but he knew it probably wouldn’t work, which proved to be true when Peter’s evasive answer came.

“No need to be, it’s fine.” Before Tony could say anything else, he sent another message.“Did you have a good time at the party?”

“Not really, I felt lonely,” He smiled to himself, again feeling silly because he was alone in his room and no one would see it.

“There were a lot of people there.” Tony could imagine his face, the smart glint in his eyes, already knowing what the answer would be. Or maybe he was insecure and shy, blushing as he waited for the answer. Or maybe he didn’t care at all and Tony was an idiot to think he might be interested in him. He preferred to believe the first option, so he answered accordingly.

“Yeah, but I was hoping to spend time with someone else. But he kinda disappeared on me.”

“Oh, yeah?” He imagined his secret smile making its way across his face, lighting up the whole room. “Next time look harder for him, then, I’m sure he didn’t actually disappear.” Tony’s heart fluttered.

“I will.” He answered and Peter was silent for several minutes, so he thought the conversation was over, but because he was a masochist asshole, he asked, “So, you and Harry, huh?”

“What about it?” He didn’t offer any information.

“You two seem close.” Tony said, dumbly, and Peter’s answer didn’t take long to arrive.

“We are.” And it crushed his chest, completely erasing the good feeling he had when the conversation started.

“Cool.”

“See you in class?” Peter sent as a way of goodbye and Tony thought it was a good thing there was no one in his room after all, so no one would see how his face fell.

“Sure, see you.”

–*–

Tony was always late to Professor Strange’s class, because it took place at ass o’clock in the morning every Thursday. Luckily, the grumpy, old man liked him well enough that he was always allowed in with only a threatening, “You are late. Again”, but nothing ever came of it, so it was fine. That Thursday, though, he was up early, too excited and anxious to see Peter again now that they were talking. So he hurried to the physics building and would have gotten in without paying any mind to his surroundings if he hadn’t heard Peter’s voice coming from the side of the building. He quietly turned around the corner and watched as Beck stared down at the shorter boy, who had his back to the wall.

“Tell me I’m wrong, tell me you weren’t fucking him when we were together, I dare you! We’ve been apart for three weeks and you’ve been walking around with him like you’re his fucking bitch!” His light blue eyes bulged out of his eye-sockets and made him look like a madman ready to pounce, but Peter stood his ground.

“You’re sick, Beck, you’re paranoid and obsessive and I told you, I won’t take it anymore! Back the fuck off and leave me the fuck alone, I’m serious!” He tried to push away from the wall, but the older man pushed him back, making him slam his head against the side of the building.

“You little whore!” He grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and Tony finally jumped into action. He rushed to them and before they even noticed him, he barreled into Beck.

“Hey, asshole, get the fuck away from him!” Beck was caught off guard and tripped, walking few steps backwards before he fell on his butt. Tony didn’t look back to check on Peter, he kept his focus on Quentin, who looked at him with fury in his eyes. “Don’t you fucking touch him, you piece of shit!”

“He’s not worth it, jerk, you’ll find out soon enough.” He got up and brushed his hands down his pants. “He’s a lying, cheating, little cockslut and before you know it he’ll be sucking someone else’s dick while you –“ Tony grabbed him by the collar and even though they were the same height, he was able to lift him a little off the ground, noses almost touching.

“If you say another word about him, I’ll fucking murder you,” he threatened, almost in a whisper.

“Fuck this,” Beck slapped his hand away from his shirt and pushed him for good measure, but Tony didn’t move and inch. He glared at him for a few more seconds and scoffed, shaking his head, hands raised in surrender. “You two deserve each other,” he said, walking away, not sparing a glance Peter’s way.  

“Are you okay?” When Tony turned around and looked at Peter, he was slumped against the wall, both of his hands covering his face as he sobbed. “Oh God, did he hurt you?” He rushed to his side, checking for visible injuries, but Peter shook his head.  

“I’m fine,” he managed to say between sobs, and Tony quickly gathered him in his arms, letting him bury his face in his chest, soaking his shirt in tears in the process. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to –”

“I know, it’s okay, he’s gone now.” He petted his hair, holding him even closer and tighter and Peter responded in the same way.

“How could I be so blind for so long?” He raised his eyes to look at Tony and the older boy ran a hand down his face, trying to stop the flood of tears that wouldn’t rolling down his cheeks.

“It’s – You didn’t...” Tony didn’t know how to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, that Beck was fucking toxic, abusive. It felt so fucking weird to acknowledge the fact that Peter was in an abusive relationship, he felt so fucking guilty. He should have noticed it from the start, from the very first few times he hung out with them, there were so many tells, but he was blinded by jealousy. So stupidly jealous he abandoned Peter when he needed him the most. He was childish and selfish and Peter got hurt – how could he ever forgive himself for that?

“I feel so stupid,” he whispered, drying his tears roughly with the sleeve of his denim jacket, which left red marks on the delicate skin of his cheeks. Before Tony could stop him or say anything else, they heard another voice.

“Peter, is that you?” They both turned in time to see Harry jogging to meet them. As soon as he was within reaching distance, Peter fell into his arms. It shouldn’t bother Tony, it was definitely not the time to be jealous, but he couldn’t help the way his heart ached and his stomach sank when the younger man left the warmth of his arms to hold Harry. “God, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, sorry I scared you.” He was a little calmer by the time he answered and Harry cupped his cheeks in his hands, looking closely at his face, searching for something – Tony knew what and it drove him crazy that Peter was in such a situation that people assumed he was hurt.  

“When I got your text I thought that psycho was–“ Peter texted him, Tony thought, dropping his gaze to the floor, burying his hands in his pockets. Peter texted him. He wanted Harry to be there when he thought something bad might happen. Not Tony. Harry.

“I’m fine, Tony showed up and he left.” For the first time since he arrived, the other boy acknowledged his presence. He looked at Tony suspiciously and frowned, apparently annoyed that he was there.

“Oh. You.” He said as an accusation, as Peter let go of him to stand between them.

“Yeah. Me.” Tony straightened his back and puffed out his chest to seem a little taller and wider, but the other boy looked unimpressed.  

“Hm,” he muttered, looking him up and down with disdain, then turned to Peter. He extended an arm to reach for the younger man. “Come on, Pete, I’ll walk you to class.”

“It’s ok, Tony’s headed that way anyway, right?” Peter shrugged his arm off, looking at Tony for confirmation.

“Yeah, right. I’ll walk you,” he answered quickly and it was his turn to wrap an arm around Peter’s shoulders – and he wasn’t even sure if he was allowed to do that, but Peter didn’t seem to mind when his secret smile made its way across his face as he looked up at him.

“Are you sure?” Harry frowned, arms crossed over his chest, annoyed, but Peter nodded.

“Of course. It’s fine, Harry, seriously.” What the fuck did that asshole think he was going to do, anyway? Who died and named him Peter’s keeper?

“Okay. Okay, but call me after class, will you?” He sighed, burying his hands in his pockets, eyes focused on Tony’s hand on the younger boy’s shoulder, anger and jealousy clear in his brown eyes. It made Tony smirk slightly in triumph, which wasn’t lost on the other man.

“Ok, talk to you later.” Peter waved innocently at him, seemingly unaware of the tension between the two of them. Harry stared for a couple more seconds, before nodding and turning around to leave.

Although he had put on a brave front for Harry, Peter was still pretty shaken when he left, Tony didn’t even have the heart to get (too) jealous of their little interaction. Peter ran a hand through his hair and raised his bloodshot eyes to look at Tony, it was heartbreaking how sad they looked. Tony didn’t remember ever seeing him like that when they were younger and the guilt crushed his chest. He could have prevented that look on his face if he had stayed and taken care of him, no matter what.

“Beck is a jerk, none of what he said is true, you know that, right?” He almost whispered, they were so close, his arm around Peter’s shoulder allowed him to pull him closer, close enough that their faces were almost touching.

“I don’t care what he says about me, I just feel – embarrassed, you know? It took him literally –” He interrupted himself, but Tony knew exactly what he was going to say. There was so much information in his silence, it was maddening.

“That bruise on your face –“

“It was my wake-up call,” he said, definitive, not leaving any room for any questions. “It had never happened before and it’s never gonna happen again, because we’re not together anymore and eventually he’ll forget I exist, so let it go, ok?” Judging by his expression, it was clear that he knew exactly what Tony wanted to do to Beck.

“What about today? What if I hadn’t got here in time, what if –“

“I’m not that delicate, Tony,” he chuckled as he started walking to the building entrance, forcing Tony to walk alongside him. “I probably couldn’t take him in a fight, but I’m sure I could do some damage.” He looked up at him with a wicked smile and winked. It made Tony’s heart melt a little.

“I’m sure you could.” When they finally reached their classroom, Tony stopped and held Peter’s shoulders, forcing him to face him. “If he ever comes looking for you again, please let me know?” Peter chuckled, shaking his head a little.

“Between you and Harry scaring him off this past week, I doubt he’ll try anything anytime soon.” Of course. He had Harry. “C’mon, we’re already late to class.”

–*–

When Tony moved to Boston, he had to stay at the dorms for his first year, as was required by MIT. He didn’t mind it much, to be honest, it was noisy and messy, but so was most of his life, so it was fine. Besides, he got Rhodey as his roommate and they became fast friends, which was awesome. But of course it wasn’t good enough for a Stark, according to Howard, so in the beginning of his second year, he got Tony an apartment close to campus. It had three bedrooms and an open kitchen, separated from the living room by a counter, and it was huge.

At first, it was fun having the whole place to himself, but after a year alone, he invited Rhodey to live with him, and it was the best idea he’d had yet, they spent all of their free time playing video games, drinking beer and tinkering, when they didn’t have friends over.

They were having a quiet night in, Rhodey was studying for finals and Tony was giving DUM-e a few touch-ups, when he decided to take a break to check his phone. Of course, as he did every time, the first thing he checked was Peter’s Instagram. There weren’t any new pictures – he wasn’t the type of person who posted everyday, it was more like once a week – but there were new Instagram stories. It was a series of short videos of him rambling about his tests and how he couldn’t wait for spring break, so Tony took the opportunity to shoot him a message.

“Someone’s excited for spring break. Do you have plans?” He asked casually, but his heart was pumping, he always wondered if Peter got excited to speak to him, too.

“Hey! No plans, I just really need a break right now. Lol. Why do you ask?” He answered almost immediately, and Tony smiled.

“No reason, you just seem really excited about it. Are you gonna be in town?” In all honesty, it was just an innocent question, because Peter could want to go visit May, but the answer took his breath away for a second.

“Yeah, why? Are you gonna ask me out or are you just stalking me?” The message was accompanied by a smiley face with the tongue sticking out.

“Do you want me to ask you out?” He sent back with the smirking face emoji.

“Answering a question with another question? Rude.” Tony held back a smile, biting his lower lip.

“I’m sorry, the answer is yes, I’m asking you out, what’s yours?” Go big or go home, he figured, and Peter seemed interested, so what the hell?

“You’ll know when you ask me.” He sent the emoji with the tongue sticking out again.

“I just did!” Tony argued, laughing to himself, he could almost see Peter’s secret smile in his mind.

“I’m sure you can do better than that. I’ll wait. So you’re not going back to New York for the break either?” He quickly changed the subject, which was fine, at least Tony knew that he was definitely interested, even if just a little.

“Yikes, no way. Twice a year is way too many times already.” He was suddenly reminded that he still had to call his mom to give her his final answer.

“Lol. If I remember your mom correctly, she must be calling non-stop.” Tony smiled again. Peter and Maria used to get along weirdly well for a nerdy teenager and an old, slightly stuck-up socialite. Tony even caught them trading stories about him once, it was terrifying. And a little heartwarming.  

“Only everyday for a month now.” And he wasn’t even joking, Maria called daily to ask him to come home for spring break. And if it were for her, he would, but there was Howard.  

“Lol.”

“She asks about you sometimes.”  

“And what do you say?”

“That you don’t love me anymore.” He sent it before he could overthink the answer. It took Peter a full minute to write back.

“You’re a menace, Tony Stark. Next time tell her the truth: that YOU got fed up with me.” To soften the blow, he sent a laughing emoji. “Tell her I said hello.”

“That’s not true, I’m here now, aren’t I?” Before Peter could ask what was the truth, then, because that was a conversation Tony wasn’t ready for, he added. “I’ll tell her you said hi.”

“See you next Thursday?”

“Can’t wait.”

–*–

“Dude, calm down, I’m pretty sure he’ll still be there five minutes from now,” Rhodey chuckled, watching Tony with a bemused expression after he jumped up from the couch and rushed to the bathroom. He ran his hands through his hair to make sure it was a carefully planned mess, put on his best cologne and decided to change shirts – maybe something a little tighter across the chest, something that would show off his biceps better.

“I’m sure he’ll be there all night long, but I need to be the first to get to him, I swear to God, if that Osborn asshole gets there before I do, I’m losing my shit.” He made his way into his bedroom as he heard his roommate laughing from the living room.

“Just ask Nat to keep him busy until you get there,” Rhodey leaned against his bedroom door and Tony turned around and spread his arms, showing off the t-shirt he had picked up. It was plain black, with little holes in it, and just a tad too small. His friend gave him a thumbs up.

“I did, I just don’t know how long she can keep that creep away.” He sat on the bed to put on his sneakers and missed the way Rhodey smirked.

“Knowing her, I’d bet on pretty fucking long.” He wasn’t wrong, Natasha was scary as fuck, but still, Tony couldn’t risk it.

Just a few minutes earlier, he was lounging on the couch playing Counter Strike with Rhodey when Peter posted a picture on Instagram. He was all dressed up in tight fitting jeans, a light pink sweater and his old, beat-up vans. His curls were brushed back and he was smiling at the camera. The caption read, “#SpringBreakWarmUp”. Tony immediately sent him a DM.

“Hey! Spring break warm-up, huh?” He asked nervously, wondering where Peter was going and, more importantly, with whom.

“Yeah, you’re coming, right?” He answered just a few seconds later, and Tony was relieved he hadn’t been ignored.

“Coming where?” He tried to remember if he had any plans for the weekend, but none came to mind.

“Thor’s party! He said you were coming?” Tony slapped his forehead, he thought the party was the following weekend. But more importantly, had Peter asked Thor if Tony was coming?

“Oh, yeah, sure! Yeah, I’m on my way, where are you?” Of course he was nowhere near the party, but he could make it happen.

“I’m already here! See you soon, then.” As soon as he read that text, he jumped out of the couch, scaring the living shit out of Rhodey.

So excuse Tony if he was driving like a madman to the party, even if his older friend was begging him to slow down from the passenger seat.

“You can’t fuck him if you’re dead!” He shouted from his right and Tony just chuckled and said nothing. He told Rhodey a very short and edited version of his history with Peter, he left out words like “love” and “yearning” and “pining”, so he probably thought Tony just had crush on him.  

When he got to the party, it was already in full swing. There were people hanging outside and the door was open, Tony could hear loud music coming from the living room. He and Rhodey walked in and were almost immediately engulfed by Thor’s embrace and booming voice welcoming them. They chatted for a few minutes, but Tony was a man on a mission.

“Hey, have you seen Peter by any chance?” He tried to sound casual as he looked around the room, trying to catch a glimpse of Nat’s fiery red hair, but Thor smiled knowingly at him.

“The two of you should have made arrangements to come together instead of asking around for each other.” He winked at Tony with one of his blindingly white smiles, and the brunette gasped.

“He asked about me?” He might have squeaked, but the music was really loud, so who knew, but Thor’s booming laugh told him otherwise.

“Ah, you kids.” He shook his head, placing a heavy hand on Tony’s shoulder. “He’s in the kitchen.”

Tony wanted to repeat his question, but he had embarrassed himself more than enough for one night, so he just smiled thankfully and rushed towards the kitchen. Well, tried, he was stopped by the “newly-wed” couple, Steve and Bucky, who had just moved in together and were even more annoyingly perfect than ever.

They tried to strike up a conversation about home décor, of all things, but he left Rhodey with them – not without getting a threatening look that said “you’ll pay for this”, but oh well – and kept searching, until he finally saw Nat talking animatedly to Peter by the kitchen counter.

“Hey there!” He approached them and tried to look – well, like he hadn’t basically run there after Peter messaged him.

“Tony!” And it paid off, because the younger man seemed really excited to see him, he smiled brightly up at him and, best of all, Harry was nowhere to be seen.

“Hey, I’m gonna go talk to Wanda, see you guys later.” He barely noticed as Natasha made her exit, Peter didn’t seem to care either, all his focus was on Tony and it reminded him of how they were in high school. Living in their own little world.

“Hey, for a minute there I thought you weren’t coming,” Peter said, getting a little closer to Tony so he could hear him over the music. He looked amazing, his clothes were clearly new, his hair was bouncy and shiny and he smelled incredible. It made Tony a little self-conscious because he had just jumped out of the couch and changed shirts, now he wished he had taken a little more time to get ready.

“Yeah, I almost forgot that was today,” He scratched the back of his head and Peter gifted him with one of his secret smiles.

“Figures, I bet you had other places to be.” He bumped him with his shoulder and that innocent touch was enough to send a jolt of electricity down Tony’s arm.

“Only one where I could find you, though, so here I am.” He winked and Peter blushed and pushed his shoulder like a younger version of him would have, anytime Tony flirted shamelessly with him back in high school.

“Shut up,” he mumbled, still smiling, then pointed to the backdoor over his shoulder. “There’s a keg out back, do you wanna…?”

“Yeah, sure, lead the way.” He followed Peter outside, where there was a big yard with a pool. They each grabbed a cup of beer and stood close to the water. The music wasn’t too loud out there, which allowed them to talk more easily. “So, where’s your guard dog?” Tony asked and watched as Peter frowned for a second, before realization dawned on him and he laughed.

“Who, Harry?” He asked, amused, and Tony nodded. “He couldn’t make it, he’s packing, he’s going home for the break.”

“Ah, what a shame,” Tony said, sarcastically, and Peter laughed again.

“You don’t like him very much, do you?” Tony looked at him with a look that screamed “you think?!” and Peter chuckled. “Funny. He’s not a fan of you, either.”

Of course he wasn’t, Tony thought, huffing, but didn’t say it. Before he could change the subject, though, he heard something. It was quiet and discreet, but Tony caught it, and so did Peter, if the way his face fell and his smile disappeared were any indication.

“Slut.”

He didn’t need to look to know who it was and who the person was talking to, so Tony didn’t waste any time when he turned around, he only stopped long enough to aim right at their nose and punched, making sure to put all of his body weight and force behind it. Beck swayed and, for a minute, it looked like he was going to topple over and fall in the pool, so Tony grabbed him by the collar. It was the first time he got to look at him after he knew for sure what he’d done to Peter, and it took all of his willpower not to smash his head in, but he knew the younger man wouldn’t want that.  

“Oh, my God! Tony –“

“Let’s make something clear, right here, right now.” He didn’t pay any mind to the people gathering around them, nor to the fact that there was a decent amount of blood running down Beck’s nose, he even pretended not to feel the way Peter was trying to pull him away, he was focused on those crazy blue eyes. “You don’t get to talk to Peter anymore. Ever. You’re not worthy of him, you don’t get to call him names, you don’t get to look at him, you don’t even get to breathe the same air as him, so if I ever see you within breathing distance of him again, we’re gonna have problems, Beck, do I make myself clear?” Beck stared at him with huge, scared eyes, blinking rapidly as if to trying to remain conscious.

“You’re ins--”

“Do I make myself clear?” He shook him hard for good measure, and it seemed to cause his nose to  bleed even more. “It’s a simple yes or no question!”

“Yes, fuck off!” His hands tried to weakly pry Tony’s away from his collar, but he didn’t succeed.

“Good, get the hell away from my face.” He pushed him with enough force that it almost sent him straight to the floor, but some friend of his held him up and they scurried away. Slowly, things went back into motion, it appeared, Tony could hear the music again, people started talking to each other loudly and some of them were dancing. He kept breathing hard, trying to regain his calm and gather enough courage to face Peter, who should be mad at him for making a scene.  

“I wish you hadn’t done that.” In the end, it was his sweet, quiet voice that lured him back to reality and he turned around to meet the smaller boy with his arms crossed over his chest, but he didn’t look nearly as pissed off as Tony thought he would be.

“I don’t. I wish I could have killed him.” He could barely believe how true that statement was and Peter must have noticed, too, because his eyes widened a little, before the muscles around his mouth softened in that secret smile of his.

“Well, thanks for – I don’t know, protecting my honor, I guess?” He chuckled, letting his arms fall to his sides, before grabbing Tony’s right hand, which was a little bruised and dirty with Beck’s blood. He examined it for a few seconds, then looked up at the older man. “Just don’t ever do that again, okay? I’m sure we can find other ways to keep him away.”

We, he said. He didn’t want to do that alone, he wanted Tony to help, he wanted Tony to be there for him. We.

Tony smiled breathlessly and nodded, squeezing the small hand that was still in his. He looked around, worrying his lower lip, then looked back at Peter.  

“Do you wanna get out of here? I have a six-pack back home,” He suggested as he pulled him a little closer and the younger man shot him a slightly shocked and surprised look. “Wh –no! It’s not what – I mean, we could go for some coffee instead, really, whatever you want, I just don’t feel like staying here, but I will, if you want, I just –“ Before he could finish his ramble, Peter started giggling, shaking his head.

“I could really use a beer. And I guess I don’t wanna stay, either,” He shrugged and Tony smiled, taking his hand to lead him back inside.

They quickly said their goodbyes to their friends and Tony let Rhodey know that Peter would be over. His friend quietly pulled him to the side as Peter talked to Wanda and asked if he needed him to crash somewhere else for the night and it almost made the brunette burst out laughing. “I wish,” he told him. Peter would probably stay for a few beers and leave early, if he knew him. Rhodey shrugged and said he would crash at Carol’s, just to be sure, and Tony clapped him on the back and thanked him.

He and Peter walked to Tony’s car, the air was cold, not terribly so, but the older man regretted not having a jacket when he saw Peter shivering. He had a little déjà-vu about their last night together in New York, almost three years and a half earlier, the day Peter kept his hoodie. They were walking to his place from the movies, the air was a little chilly, summer was almost over. Peter’s cheeks were flushed and when Tony wrapped an arm around his shoulder, he looked up at him and shivered. The older man quickly unzipped his hoodie and wrapped Peter’s smaller body in it.

It felt like a lifetime ago now.

When they got inside the car, Tony made sure the heater was on max as Peter rubbed his hands together, pulling the sleeves of his sweater down.

“Sorry, I don’t have a jacket to lend you, but it’s gonna warm up soon.” He smiled apologetically and the other boy waved a hand dismissively.

���It’s for the best, you’d never get it back if you did.” He batted his eyelashes playfully and Tony laughed as he started the car and pulled out of the driveway. They were quiet for a few seconds, but it was a nice, comfortable silence.

“How’s your aunt?” Tony asked, just to make small talk, but also because he liked May, she was really cool, although she sometimes screamed at him for no reason, like the time he allegedly blew up her toaster.  

“She’s getting married, actually.” Peter looked amused and a little unsure. “To a doctor from this new hospital she’s working at. He seems like a nice guy.” He didn’t sound specially excited sharing the news.

“But you don’t like him?” Tony asked, confused, and the boy shook his head quickly.

“It’s not that. It’s just – It’s weird. I guess. For so long it was her, uncle Ben and me, then everything changed when uncle Ben died and we had to learn how to be a family just the two of us. Now it’s all changing again. I just feel weird when I come home to them, you know? It makes me feel a little like an outsider, like I’m intruding in their privacy. And it kinda makes me miss uncle Ben, for some reason. But he seems to make her really happy, so that’s more than I could ask for.” He shrugged and Tony smiled softly at him, he knew exactly what he meant. Peter blushed slightly, but smiled back. “How about your parents? Is your dad still on your case?”

“It’s a little better now that we’re in different states. Summer break is always a pain, though.” Tony felt like he and Howard would never get along and he was slowly getting used to that idea.  

“Well, if you ever need asylum, I hope you remember your way back to Queens,” Peter grinned at him and it warmed his heart. He didn’t trust his voice to answer so he just smiled and nodded. As if I could forget.

When they got to Tony’s building, the older man warned Peter not to mind the mess, but he was relieved to remember that he and Rhodey had tidied the place up a little just a couple of days earlier, so at least the living room and the kitchen should be fine. They rode up the elevator to the top floor and when they finally got to the apartment, Peter whistled lowly, looking around the spacious living room.

“Wow, this is awesome! Do you live here by yourself?” He asked, walking towards the couch. The  PlayStation controllers were still on the coffee table by the couch and there were a few empty beer bottles on the floor.

“I used to, Rhodey moved in a year ago, it was boring living here on my own.” He gestured for Peter to follow him to the kitchen, which he did, still in awe of the place.

“Cool! He’s that guy you were talking to before we left, right?” Peter and Rhodey had never met formally, when the younger man joined MIT, he and Tony weren’t talking anymore. Tony nodded, offering Peter one of the beer bottles he grabbed from the fridge, before leading the way back to the living room.

“Yeah, we were roommates my first year here.” They sat on the couch, but not too close to one another, and they both opened their drinks.  

“Remember we used to make plans about being roommates if we both got into MIT? We were such dorks,” Peter laughed with a reminiscent look on his face and Tony’s heart melted, because, yeah. He remembered.

“About that.” Tony took a deep breath and then a long gulp of his beer, before turning to face Peter in the eye. He owed him at least that. The younger man looked back at him curiously, head cocked to the side. “I owe you an apology,” he breathed out slowly and Peter frowned. “We had a great friendship and I screwed up royally, so. Sorry for being a shitty friend.” He bit his lip for a moment, watching Peter’s reaction, but his face didn’t move, so Tony took another long sip of his beer. “Say something.”

“I –“ Peter started, but then paused, narrowing his eyes and shaking his head. “I just never really understood what happened. I mean, I can see now that Beck was a jerk and it must have been a pain to hang out with him when we were together, but you just –“ He smiled sadly, looking down at his beer. “You didn’t even answer my calls anymore,” he mumbled the last part, as if Tony didn’t feel terrible already. “Was it something I did?”

“What? No, of course not. I was –“ He debated for all of three seconds if he should tell the truth, but he was too much of a coward and so not ready for that particular conversation. “I guess I was feeling a little like a third wheel, maybe. And I really didn’t like him. It was stupid, it’s not gonna happen again.” Peter nodded slowly, staring at him as if he could find out the truth if he looked hard enough.

“Okay.” He was silent after that, his nose scrunched up in a cute way, as if he was thinking hard, trying to understand something, trying to make a decision. He downed the rest of his beer in one go and Tony thought he hadn’t bought his terrible excuse, so he was going to try to explain himself better, but Peter was faster. He slid across the couch and sat right beside him, then grabbed Tony’s bottle and drank the rest of his beer, too, placing the empty bottles on the coffee table. Tony just stared a him in confusion. “Uhm. I’m gonna do something crazy, so just – I’m sorry in advance.” And just like that, he kissed him.

Tony would be lying if he said it tasted familiar, that it took him back to that awkward first kiss in the school parking lot, leaning against his car. It was completely different, it was like kissing someone else for the first time, Peter was different. He wasn’t awkward or shy when his soft hands grasped Tony’s face and pulled him closer, when his tongue begged for entrance in his mouth. He tasted like beer when their tongues touched, and it must have gotten Tony immediately drunk, because he lost control over his own actions just like that. His fingers found Peter’s hips and started pulling him closer and closer, until the younger man climbed onto his lap and straddled his thighs.

It was heaven, that moment right there, engulfed in Peter’s smell, his hands getting lost in his hair, his lips demanding Tony to keep up, his body undulating discreetly on top of his, begging to be touched. Tony indulged him, his fingers squeezed the deliciously soft flesh of his hips, before making their way up to his waist then down to his lower back in an eager caress, pulling him even closer. His lips chased Peter’s like he was starved, never letting him get away for too long, maybe worried that he would wake up from a daydream if he stopped.

Peter bit and pulled on his lower lip and Tony groaned, hips bucking up and fingers squeezing Peter’s waist in anticipation. The smaller boy looked into his eyes for a fraction of a second, like he, too, didn’t want to wake up in case it was dream, then his lips slid across Tony’s scratchy cheek, down his jaw, then up to his earlobe, where he bit teasingly, his hot breath sending shivers down his spine when he heard the boy whisper a timid “please”.

It was all it took for Tony to grab him by the hips and flip him, laying him down on the couch and positioning himself between his legs. It was a tight fit, but he was afraid that if he suggested they moved things to the bedroom, it would be over. Peter whimpered when Tony let his weight rest against him, bodies touching from chest to groin, pressed closely together, rubbing against each other each time either of them moved.

Tony started sucking on Peter’s smooth neck as his hands dragged the offending sweater up his torso until it was bunched up under his armpits and his chest. Peter raised his arms and Tony took it off completely, mouth promptly latching onto a tiny, pale-pink nipple, which made the smaller man hiss, hands flying to entangle his fingers in the brunette’s hair.

Peter pulled the strands of Tony’s hair, as if he wanted him to stop his ministrations, but as soon as the older man’s mouth left his chest, he pulled him back down, moaning and squirming, seemingly undecided if he wanted more or less of Tony’s lips and teeth on him.

Meanwhile, the older man bit and sucked on his nipple, which became rigid and swollen, sensitive to the point that Peter couldn’t take it anymore and finally pulled him up for a kiss. Tony obliged happily, hips grinding down against Peter’s, feeling his erection rubbing against his, both so hard it hurt.

Peter started pulling Tony’s t-shirt urgently and the older brunette made just enough room so that he could take it off and drop it to the floor. They went back to kissing, Tony’s stubble leaving faint, red marks on Peter’s cheeks and down his neck, the boy under him whimpered and begged quietly – for what, exactly, neither of them was entirely sure.  

“Do you – uh – can we –“ Peter started, but didn’t seem capable of finishing his line of thought for a second, when Tony bit down on his jaw. “God – uhm, can we go to your room?” When Tony looked down at him, his cheeks were flushed and he wasn’t sure if he was embarrassed or hot.

“Of course,” he smiled, kissing his lips briefly, before wrapping Peter’s legs around his waist. “Hold tight.” With a little effort – which he would never let Peter notice – he was able to get up from the couch with the other boy in his arms, and he quickly moved to his bedroom. He kicked the door closed but didn’t bother locking it, since Rhodey said he wouldn’t come home that night – God bless him.

He carefully laid Peter down on the bed – which was miraculously made and clean – and his small frame was engulfed in the king-sized bed sheets and pillows, his flushed skin contrasting with the dark gray linens. Such a mouth-watering vision. Tony positioned himself between his legs again and stared shamelessly, as his hands traveled all over his bare chest and down his toned abs, until Peter blushed and grabbed his wrist, trying to pull him down.

“Stop that, c’mere,” he whined when Tony didn’t comply, choosing to keep staring at him for a few more seconds, before leaning down to kiss him deep and soft.

“You’re beautiful,” He whispered against his lips, one of his hands stroking Peter’s hip, close the waistband of his jeans. His fingers lightly made their way to the buttons on the front, where they rested against Peter’s lower abdomen. “Is this ok?” He asked, looking directly into his eyes, and although Peter’s face grew almost impossibly red, he nodded, breathing out an almost soundless “yes”.

It was all the permission he needed to undo his pants, dragging them down his legs along with his boxers, leaving Peter completely bare and exposed to him, like a dream, a vision. Not even his best fantasies – and he had quite a few – could live up to the real thing. Peter’s body was lithe, but fit, the lines of his muscles were visible under his soft, unblemished skin. His nipples were perked up and helplessly rigid and red, which made his mouth water once again. His tapered waist led to narrow hips and plump thighs, his cock was small, but fully hard, swollen and flushed pink, resting heavily against his belly.

“Stop staring, it’s embarrassing,” He blushed, but smiled, hands pulling Tony’s biceps, forcing him rest his weight on top of him, skin on skin, so hot he felt his chest burning. “Besides, it’s not fair if I can’t admire the view, too,” he whispered against his ear, fingers playing with the waistband of Tony’s jeans.

Tony devoured him in a kiss and rutted against him, trying to take some of the edge off, the whole thing was driving him insane, he worried he wouldn’t last a minute longer if he didn’t get things under control, it was embarrassing, he hadn’t felt like that in a long time.  

Peter wrapped one leg around his waist and pressed up against him, before throwing his head back, exposing his throat, and Tony buried his face in it, nose quickly filling with the smell of his cologne and a little sweat, the perfect combination to send him straight to heaven. Tony’s hands went down to cup Peter’s ass cheeks and he was not surprised to find they were deliciously round and soft, but firm. He kissed Peter one more time, before gently nudging him to turn around and lie with his stomach down.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, once again hypnotized by the sight of his slim body, from his gorgeous shoulders, down to his thin waist and glorious ass, so fucking round and juicy, like a ripe peach begging to be bitten. Peter gasped in surprise when Tony leaned down and did just that, bit his flesh softly, but it was enough to make the younger man jump.

“What are –“ he was cut off by his own moans, as Tony started licking and biting on his ass cheeks, starting almost at his lower back, making his way down to the fleshiest part of his ass, before moving inwards. “Tony,” he whimpered, sounding like he wanted to resist, but his body said differently, if the way his spine curved and his hips were pushed up from the bed were any indication.

Tony grabbed both of his cheeks, spreading them apart to expose his hole. Again, his mouth watered, the little ring of muscles looked insanely tight, but it was fluttering eagerly in anticipation. The way Peter whimpered “Tony” made it seem like he maybe wanted to say something, but his body didn’t leave any room for doubts. Still, he asked.

“This okay?” It was a little of a low blow that he was close enough that his hot, moist breath could probably be felt between his cheeks, but Peter buried his face in the pillow and, after just a couple of seconds, nodded. “I need to hear you, baby.” He whispered again, and the boy just turned his head a little to the side to whisper a breathless “yes.”

Tony squeezed his cheeks one more time, before moving his hands down a little to Peter’s thighs, to spread his legs further apart. Again, Peter buried his face in the pillow, the skin of his back turning red in a full-body blush, but his hips were pushed up, slightly off the bed. Tony smirked and started teasing him by licking his balls, sucking each if them into his mouth in turns, making the boy cry out and push his hips back into the bed, trying to rub his cock on the mattress.

Tony quickly held him in place as his tongue made its way up, finally reaching the quivering hole that had been begging for attention from the start. He circled the rim with his tongue, feeling its contractions, as Peter whined and writhed underneath him. He pushed his tongue against his entrance, trying to make his way in, but it was still too tight and he could barely get the tip in.

Once he felt Tony’s tongue trying to breach him, Peter started humping the bed, hips moving up against Tony’s face, then down, pressing his cock against the mattress. The older man smirked but let him keep fucking himself on his tongue, as his hands alternated between spreading his cheeks further apart and kneading his thighs, occasionally slapping his ass for good measure.

“To-Tony, I – I can’t, please, I gotta –“ He couldn’t finish his sentences properly, but Tony understood exactly what he wanted to say. He placed one last kiss on either of his cheeks then moved up the bed, reaching for his night stand. He saw Peter turn his head to the side, watching as his hand fished for a bottle of lube and a condom. He bit his lower lip and looked back at Tony. “Please.”

“Fuck,” he groaned, almost dropping everything to the floor. He left the items on the bed and started undoing his pants in a haste. As soon as he heard the sound of the zipper being undone, Peter turned around, lying on his back, resting against the pillows. Tony was a confident motherfucker, so he didn’t even blush as Peter watched him with hungry eyes, lazily stroking his cock as his eyes traveled all over the older man’s broad chest and toned abs.

Once he finally freed his cock, Peter sat up, reaching for it. Tony was kneeling between his legs, looking down at him as the boy wrapped his fingers around his shaft. The older man moaned, closing his eyes when he felt Peter start moving his hand up and down, slowly. He grabbed his shoulders and let his head fall back a little and enjoyed the feeling of Peter’s smooth palm sliding up and down his shaft. He gasped, though, when he felt the warm moisture of his mouth enveloping the tip of his already leaking cock.

“Pete – shit, fuck,” he jerked back sitting on his heels in front of the boy who looked back at him with a naughty smile. “Lie back, you fucking tease.” Peter complied immediately, feet planted on the bed, knees pointing up, legs spread wide.

The older man uncapped the lube, covered two fingers with a generous amount of it, then prompted Peter to place his heels on his shoulders and the boy obliged easily. Tony leaned forwards, almost folding him in half, knowing full well that he was flexible enough that it wasn’t uncomfortable. Exploring said flexibility further was on his secret list of fantasies, but it would have to wait.

He covered Peter’s lips with his in a hungry kiss at the same time as his middle finger forced its way into his entrance. Peter flinched for a second, but soon lost himself in the kiss, hands tangling in Tony’s hair, as he relaxed, making it easier for his finger to slide in smoothly. Once inside, he started moving it gently, curling it a little to loosen his muscles and Peter whimpered, pushing down against his hand as much as possible in the position he was in.

Tony moved his lips to Peter’s neck, teeth leaving faint, red marks on the way, as he tried to insert another finger in. He met a lot of resistance at first, and actually felt on his lips the way his shoulders tensed, so he made sure to be extra careful and gentle as he peppered kisses along his collarbones and lips, trying to distract him from the pain.

It worked, after a couple of minutes Peter’s body opened up beautifully for him, almost pulling him in as his fingers made their way inside. Tony stopped to let him adjust for a few seconds as he devoured his lips again in an eager kiss. Peter’s hands slid down his back and pulled him closer as his hips pressed back against Tony’s hand.

The older man started scissoring his fingers as he thrust his hips against Peter, the tip of his cock just lightly brushing his ass cheeks, but it was enough to drive him mad. Peter rocked back and forth with him, rolling his hips on his own account until, finally, his eyes grew wide and he threw his head back with a gasp.

“Oh – right there, Tony, right there, right there, please,” he begged incoherently and the older man quickened his pace, fucking harder into him, trying to keep hitting that spot again and again. “Fuck! Tony, please, just – please, fuck me.”

“Fuck, you can’t – just say things like – fuck,” He let his body weight rest on top of Peter, burying his face in his neck as he tried to get himself under control. The younger man’s legs slid down from his shoulders to the curve of his elbows as the boy chuckled. Tony pulled his fingers out and sat on his heels, reaching for the packet of condom. He opened it deftly and put it on in record time,  before spreading a generous amount of lube to his cock, but didn’t waste much time stroking it. He put one of Peter’s legs back on his shoulder, the other wrapped around his waist, and positioned himself, holding the tip of his cock against the boy’s quivering hole. “Okay?” He asked one last time, to which he boy whispered a quick yes, arms tight around Tony’s neck, as the older boy started breaching him.

It was obvious he was in pain at first, but Tony was patient and placed little kisses on his face as he waited for him to get used to the burn, before he kept going. Once he felt the boy relaxing around him, he took his lips in a deep kiss as he sank deeper and deeper into his warmth, his hole felt so fucking tight and inviting and when he was finally completely sheathed inside him, he let out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding, eyes rolling back in pleasure.

“You’re amazing,” he muttered, dazedly, and felt Peter’s lips stretch in a smile against his neck. He wondered if it was his secret smile or just an amused one, because Tony sounded high, and maybe he was, maybe he fucking was because Peter was like opium and Tony was already addicted. “Fucking amazing.”

Tony drew his hips back slowly, then thrust forward a little faster, making them both moan in pleasure. He grabbed Peter’s thighs and squeezed tight, imagining leaving marks on his pale skin, imagining that no one else would dare to touch him after. He set a quick pace, hips snapping firmly against his, their mouths and tongues lost in one another, chests touching, Peter’s legs around him, his arms around his neck, everything felt so fucking amazing, like in a dream, a fantasy.

“You feel so good,” Peter whispered in his ear, hips rocking to his rhythm, meeting him thrust for thrust, and it drove the older man a little mad as he fucked harder into him, so fucking hot, so tight, so –“Oh, shit!Tony, right there, please!” He cried, nails digging into his shoulders to the point it hurt, but he didn’t stop, he went wild, aiming at that same sweet spot, hitting it over and over again, as Peter moaned and writhed underneath him, babbling things Tony couldn’t quite understand.

He grabbed Peter’s cock, which was rock-hard and bobbing between their stomachs, and stroked in sync with his thrusts and, without any warning, Peter cried his name, eyes squeezed shut, as he came, spilling his come all over their chests and stomachs, the pressure of his hole clenching down on him and the sight of Peter lost in his own pleasure sent Tony over the edge. He bit Peter’s shoulder to avoid screaming like a madman as he emptied himself inside him, hips never losing rhythm until they were both completely spent.

He let himself rest against Peter for just a few seconds before rolling off of him to take off the condom, which he tied and threw in the bin by his bed. He quickly turned back to Peter and pulled him to his chest, and the boy nestled against him and buried his face in his neck, taking a deep, calming breath.

Tony wanted to say something. Like “I love you”, but maybe less intense. Maybe “we should do this again”. Maybe “do you wanna go out sometime?”. Anything to ensure that that wasn’t a one-time thing, a one-night stand. He knew it wasn’t Peter’s style, but he had to make sure, he needed to know for sure that it meant something.

The prolonged silence made it possible for them to hear a phone vibrating somewhere on the floor. They both raised their heads to look and Tony reached down to grab Peter’s pants when he saw its pocket shining. Peter thanked him and took the phone, eyes going a little wide when looked at the screen just as it went silent.  

“Fuck, it’s Harry, and he’s called a hundred times already, I gotta take this.” He looked flustered and a little nervous as he prepared to jump out of bed.

“Please, don’t.” Tony sat up and grabbed Peter’s arm before he could leave and the younger man frowned, a little confused and apparently a little annoyed, which made the older man feel embarrassed.

“What? Why?” He demanded, and Tony bit his lower lip, trying to find a way to explain himself without sounding clingy or needy.

“Because – I mean, I know you just got out of a bad relationship and maybe you want to meet other people and have different experiences and stuff, and it’s probably not a good idea to jump in a relationship with someone else right not, which is fine, I mean – I guess what I’m saying is... If you want to keep seeing him, I understand, just... keep in mind that I really wanna be with you and I think we’d be great together, so I hope you’ll pick me in the end.” He probably didn’t make any sense to the other boy, he wanted to say “Leave that jerk and give me a chance” but somehow ended up encouraging Peter to keep seeing someone else and now he felt stupid.

“Wh – Tony, I – you think I’m two-timing you and Harry?” He shook his head confusedly, eyes blinking rapidly as if he was having a hard time understanding something so absurd.

“Not two-timing, just – you’re seeing him, right?” He felt stupid when Peter just stared at him for a few seconds before he burst out laughing, to the point that he laid back down on the bed, clutching his belly. “What? So you don’t – you two aren’t –“ Tony was still sitting on the bed, looking down at a laughing Peter drying tears from the corner of his eyes.  

“Tony, Harry is just a friend – a very overprotective friend who thinks you’re a jerk for hurting my feelings when we were younger, by the way – but that’s it. He’s straight, he’s got a girlfriend back in New York. I thought you knew this, it’s all over his Instagram.” He sat back up by his side, shoulder touching his, and Tony felt unbelievably dumb and so fucking relieved he wanted to cry. He wasn’t even embarrassed that he’d made a fool of himself just a few minutes ago. He sighed deeply, closing his eyes to thank whatever deity was out there. When he opened them again, Peter wasn’t laughing anymore, he was looking curiously at him, worrying his bottom lip. “So… What did you mean by, you know, wanting to be with me and stuff?” He mumbled the last part, looking down at his naked lap.

Tony felt weirdly vulnerable and exposed in that state of undress, so he reached for a sheet and covered them both with it. Peter smiled gratefully at him. He took a minute to organize his thoughts, he considered trying to play it down a little, but at the same time, he really needed to get that out of his chest. So he took a deep breath.

“The reason why I stopped talking to you back then wasn’t because I was feeling like a third wheel. I was jealous, because,” he paused, glancing sideways at Peter who looked back at him with huge eyes. He bit his lower lip and shrugged. “I was in love with you.”

“You – but you – why didn’t you –“ Peter looked and sounded pretty confused, he shut his eyes and shook his head as if it could get his thoughts in order.

“I don’t know, I was stupid,” Tony answered anyway, because he knew what he wanted to ask. Peter was silent after that, the older man kept looking at him, expecting some kind of reaction, but he just looked back at him, pursing his lips. Calculating.

“Did you, uh – are you over it? Like, do you –” He tried speaking again, but he seemed to have lost the ability to string sentences together, so Tony smiled softly and put him out of his misery.

“I love you, Pete. This hasn’t changed.” It was amazingly easy to say those words, words he’d been using in his mind for so long, ever since they were teens. Anytime he said “take care”, “call me”, “I missed you”, “see you soon”, he actually meant “I love you”. So it fell from his lips like the easiest words in the English lexicon. It felt freeing. “But I understand you’re not there yet, so don’t feel pressured to –“

“Are you crazy? I’ve been in love with you since ninth grade,” Peter’s eyes were wet when he looked into Tony’s, one hand coming to rest on the older man’s cheek. “I thought it was hopeless, I thought you’d never love me back.” He frowned and tried to pull his hand away, but Tony held it against his face, heart breaking. He never meant for Peter to feel like he could never love him back, he was just a stupid kid. “I thought I could forget you if I replaced you with someone else. I guess it worked for a while, until you talked to me at Clint’s party and I just – it reminded me how just talking to you makes me weak in the knees.” He smiled shyly and it was Tony’s turn to cup his face in his hands.

“I’m so sorry, Pete.” The younger man smiled and shook his head fondly.

“I love you, too, dummy,” Tony smiled brightly, his heart felt so fucking full and complete. It was like a missing piece fell right into place. He kissed Peter’s own smile right off his lips, forcing him to lie down, bodies entangled from head to toe. Things were heating up again quickly, when they were interrupted by Peter’s phone vibrating again.

“Oh my God, Harry is gonna kill me, hold on.” He grabbed the phone from the bed and Tony watched, amused and relieved. So fucking relieved. And happy. And whole. “Hey – okay, calm down, I’m fine, I – yeah, I’ll tell you if you let me speak. I’m at Tony’s. Yeah, that Tony. No, it’s fine, we’ve talked and – what? Harry, no! This is ridiculous, I’m an adult, you’re over – okay, fine! Hold on,” He turned to Tony with a frown, looking embarrassed and shy. Tony raised a brow. “Uhm, I’m really sorry about this, but he wants to talk to you, could you –? If he’s too much, just tell him to fuck off, he can be a little overbearing.”

“It’s ok, gimme.” Tony was actually grateful Peter had a friend like Harry – well, now that he knew they were just friends. Peter needed that, he needed someone to be there for him and to put Tony in his place if he was ever out of line. He deserved someone looking out for him, something Tony wasn’t capable of doing when Peter was with Beck. “Hello?”

“Listen here, punk, I know your type, I know how you operate, and let me just tell you, it ain’t gonna fly with me, do you hear me? I will not allow you to hurt Peter again, I want you to know that I’m fucking watching you and if you so much as touch a hair on his head I’m gonna make your life a living hell, I fucking –“

Tony wasn’t even mad, he really wasn’t. He was so happy he wanted to cry. When he looked at Peter, he looked mortified, but still, his lips were spread in a smile. That beautiful, secret smile of his, the one Tony missed so damned much for too fucking long.

He’d never have to miss it again.

“Nobody knows it, 

But you’ve got a secret smile

And you use it only for me.”

(Semisonic – Secret Smile)

[mystewion]

are gay people real

in short:

South Park Elementary School Cafeteria, day. The kids are seated for lunch. At the center table are Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Token, Clyde and Craig. Cartman runs in from the hallwayCartmanFELLAS! Fellas!StanWhat?CartmanYou'll never guess what happened. Butters just beat up Scott Malkinson!KyleButters? [He and Stan look puzzled] Why?CartmanIt was crazy! Scott was just talking about how he needed to take his insulin shot, and out of nowhere Butters said he's sick of people with diabetes feeling sorry for themselves. Scott told Butters to shut up and Butters just started whaling on him!StanYou're talking about Butters.CartmanDude, I'm telling you! Butters beat the crap out of Scott, and then he locked himself in the bathroom! [The other boys get concerned and leave their tables to go to the restroom]The restroom around the corner from the cafeteria. Jimmy has joined the boys. Stan bangs on the doorStanButters?ButtersLeave me alone!StanButters, come out here.ButtersGet out of here, all of ya! [Stan turns to the other boys and shrugs]KyleButters, people can't just go around beating up people who have diabetes! Now whatever your problem is, you just-Butters[Runs out of the restroom up to Kyle and points at him] You just think you know everything, don't you Kyle?! Every little thing you gotta shoot your mouth off like you're the frickin' expert! Well you don't know everything because [walks to Stan and points him out] your best friend is a kid who thinks the entire planet revolves around him and he only cares about HIS image! [runs back inside the boys room, then turns around and runs to Cartman] You guys think Cartman is the only selfish piece of crap in this school? You're all fake and stuck up [moves over to Jimmy], and none of you have the courage to tell Jimmy that his jokes aren't funny! [moves over to Kenny] The only kid here with any sense of dignity is Kenny, and the rest of you have your heads up your butts! [Runs back into the restroom and locks himself in. The other boys are stunned and silent]CartmanWell. Apparently Kenny is Butters' best friend. You guys gonna make out, Kenny? [Kenny flashes an angry look]Butters[Runs out of the restroom again and storms up to Cartman] And that's another thing! You're always trivializing everything I say by gettin' the last word! [Cartman looks stunned]Well you're not gettin' the last word this time! [Runs back into the boys restroom and locks himself in]Cartman...Wow.Butters[Opens the door and peeks out] Double wow! [Closes the door and locks it]The principal's office, Day. Principal Victoria is talking to Butters and his parents.Principal VictoriaI'm sorry, but your son is distracting the other students and his attitude is just getting worse.StephenButters, what on earth has gotten into you?!Butters[In a gruff voice] I don't know, Dad, ah I was just pissed off, I guess!LindaDo you think this behavior is fair to your teacher and classmates?!ButtersI don't suppose it is, but I don't give a darn!StephenDo you have any idea how grounded you are about to be, mister?!ButtersWhy don't you shut up, Dad, and stick it in your ear, for cryin' out loud! [Both parents look taken aback as a moment of silence follows]Linda[looks at Stephen] Stephen, are you thinking what I'm thinking?StephenYes. Our little Butters is flowering. He has reached the age of panua.Principal VictoriaEh-excuse me?StephenPrincipal Victoria, this isn't Butters' fault.ButtersIt's not?!StephenIt has to do with... biology. [turns right and walks off a bit] You've... maybe noticed that Butters isn't... exactly like other kids.ButtersYeah?StephenYou probably think Butters seems somehow... different.Butters[normal voice] Hey yeah, all the time.StephenIt's because he is. [Turns around and faces Principal Victoria] His mother and I... his whole family were... we're not of this place.Principal VictoriaAh I'm sorry, I really don't understand.StephenPlease, just try to understand that for our people it's a very private matter. He can't be helped by your discipline; this must be dealt with by his own kind. If it's all right with you, we'd like an extended leave for our boy. Please. It's a cultural thing.The Stotch house, day. Stephen and Linda argue as Butters sits on the couchLindaI don't want him to go, Stephen, he's too young!StephenIt's our people's way, Linda, you know that better than I do!LindaThen we can go with him.StephenYou know that's not allowed!ButtersWill somebody tell me what the frickity fookshmere is goin' on?!StephenButters, you've reached the age where you must journey to your birthplace for the ceremony of hapa noa.ButtersUhbu-but I'm from here.StephenNo. We moved here just before you started pre-school. You were born in our native land, Butters. [Walks to a bookshelf and grabs a scrapbook] A distant and very secluded island world called... Hava'i.ButtersWe're from Hawaii?Stephen[Sits on the sofa next to Butters. Linda sits to his left] Only haoles pronounce it Hawaii, Butters, but those of us from Hava'i are a very special people. We have many customs and traditions to keep our culture alive. [Opens the book and points some pictures out to him] We drink chi-chi's from the coconut. We eat poke that the Safeway provides. And when we've chosen a mate, we marry at the fern grotto, as your mother and I did so... very long ago. As a Stotch, Butters, you are actually Hawaiian royalty. Your grandma and grandpa were there at the time of the King. [Flips backwards a few pages and shows him a picture of Elvis Presley playing a ukulele with a picture of Diamondhead in the background.]ButtersBut what does being Hawaiian have to do with me acting like an emo chick on her period?StephenNot an emo chick on her period, Butters. Like a salmon needing to swim back upriver. All Hawaiians feel it. It is called "hapahui apahoha", and it means it's now your time to make your trip to our island home. You must do your walkabout to your homeland, Butters. And you must do it alone. [Linda stands up and starts crying. Stephen stands up and takes out his wallet] Take this, son. It is our Mahalo Rewards card. It will provide you with all you need. And now I must turn my back on you. [He turns his back to Butters. Linda weeps silently. Butters is speechless]The neighborhood park, day. The boys from the table are playing basketball, and Jimmy joins in. Kenny tosses the basketball at Kyle, who makes a shot, and Cartman runs up to them from the sidewalk. Stan catches the ballCartmanHoly shit balls! Holy shit balls! Guess what, you guys? Holy shit balls. [The other boys gather around him]KyleWhat?CartmanButters just got on a bus with his backpack and said he's going to Hawaii.StanHawaii?CartmanHe said he had to go back to his homeland, and then told me it was none of my business and to keep my fat mouth shut.KyleDude, what the hell? Somebody's gotta stop him.Stan[Turns to the basket] After all the things he said to us, he can go ahead. [Makes a shot at close range]KyleKenny, you're clearly his best friend. Go stop him.Kenny(I'm not his best friend.)CartmanYeah, Mr. Perfect, go rescue Butters so he can lick your balls some more. [Kenny sighs and walks away with his head down.]The airport, day. Kenny arrives and walks into the Alpha Air terminal. He sees Butters seated on a seat in an empty row, with two suitcases at his feet. He's sobbing. Kenny walks overKenny(Butters, come on.)ButtersThey won't let me on the plane. Why, I can't do anything right! [Kenny takes one suitcase and Butters' right hand, Butters takes the other suitcase, and they walk. Suddenly Butters stops and pulls his hand away] No, no! I have to go to Hawaii, Kenny! I have no idea what's waiting there for me, but I guh, I can't go on like this! [Kenny sighs, then takes Butters to the teller]Kenny(Excuse me, he needs to go to Hawaii.)TellerI already told him, I can't allow anyone on the aircraft who appears to be intoxicated.ButtersI'm not intoxicated, you skank! I'm just "deligerent" because of my hapanuanalua!Kenny(Please, could you just let him on the plane? It's really important. Please?)TellerTell you what: there's plenty of points on his Mahalo Rewards card. If you wanna fly with him, I can let him go.Kenny(Me?)ButtersCan't you see I'm in horrible pain?! Do you have any idea what-?!Kenny[Puts his hand over Butters mouth to shut him up] (Okay, okay! I'll go.) [Scene cuts to the plane flying towards Hawaii]Lihu'e Airport, Kaua'i, Runway B-5. The plane lands and Butters and Kenny enter the terminal. Butters has picked up his bagsButters[Slowly, as he looks around] Well, we're here, now what do I do? [Kenny points to the information officer nearby, and they walk to him]OfficerCan I help you with anything?ButtersUh yeah, I uh, I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go?OfficerOkay, were you with a cruise ship or land tour group?ButtersOh, ah, I'm not a tourist. I'm a native Hawaiian. [The officer just looks at him. A group of Americans approaches him]Blond ManButters Stotch?ButtersYeah?Blond ManWelcome home, young keiki. Your parents said you would be coming for your ceremony. [Notices Kenny] Ah- uh, who's this?ButtersOh thi-this is my friend, Kenny.Older WomanButters, native Hawaiians don't really approve of haoles coming to their ceremonies.ButtersOh please, i-if it weren't for him I couldn't have come.Blond ManVery well, we shall speak with the chief of our island and see. Come now. [Everyone leaves]En route to the chief, day. They go down the road, all packed into an SUV.ButtersYou folks are all native Hawaiians too?Older Man[Driving] Yes. My wife Patty and I have been coming to Kaua'i for almost five years, and Bill and Donna actually own a time share in Poipu.DonnaYes, but Poipu is getting pretty overrun with tourists, I'm afraid.Blond Man[Leans to the right, behind the older man] Let us eat.Older ManOh yea, let us eat. [They stop at Kuwahara Saimin's drive-through] Aloha, five order of saimin, please.ButtersWhat's "saimin"?PattyIt's one of the foods of our people.Older ManOh, I get 20% off, I'm a native. Here's my Mahalo Rewards card. [The cashier notes the card and takes the cash, the older man takes the food, and they're off.] Mahalo. [They soon find themselves behind a slow car with the passenger taking pictures of the scenery. The older man honks.] Come on, you frickin' tourist! Jesus, buy a post card! [Stops and points out a building] These are the ancient ruins of our ancestors. [It's the Coco Palms, long abandoned.] They say the spirit of the king is still in there.Blond ManYou must stay away from this place. It is kapu.Brunet ManKapu. that means "taboo", [points to Kenny] especially to haoles! [they drive off]Older ManUh that there is Bubba's Burgers. [Scene shows Bubba's Burgers] In Havai'i us natives say "Bubba's Bruk". [they pass by a big hotel] Here's the Sheraton, just another megahotel for the throngs of tourists. Here's where many of us natives live. The Sheraton Residences. [A gated community is shown. The Older Man flashes his Mahalo Rewards card to the guard] It's all right, we're natives. [The guard opens the gate and lets them in. They arrive at the chief's residence and step out to talk to him] Protector and Chief, I present to you the keiki, Butters Stotch.ChiefAh, Stephen and Linda's child. Last time I saw you, you were the size of a coconut. Who's the haole?Kenny's room at the Residences, night. He sits by the open window with a lit candle, a pencil and a sheet of paper. He begins to write.KennyMy dearest friends,:I am living amongst the natives in the remote and tiny island of Kava'i. What can I tell you of this mysterious island and its people? It is a place of wonder, and yet to the outsider like me, a place of odd tradition. The people here are peaceful and joyous, and seem to care little for the rush and worry of the outside world. Their diet is mostly an odd mixture of coconut milk, pineapple juice, and vodka, which they call the chi-chi. As for Butters, he is quickly learning the ways of his ancestors, and seems to be feeling better with every passing day. He still seems quite angry at times, but luckily his ceremony will finally take place on the morrow.As he writes, the following scenes are shown: First, the Safeway supermarket. The people greet each other with a fist, with pinky and thumb extended. Next, three kids are playing in a pool while Donna enjoys her chi-chi and the older couple sit on chaise longues in the background. Next, Kenny is at the bar order a chi-chi. Next, Butters learns how to play bocce ball. Next, Stan reads the letter to Cartman and KyleStan[reading the letter] "On the morrow"? What the fuck is wrong with Kenny?KennyTo wit, I have found nothing wrong with this remote place, and I must admit it will be with some melancholy that I will leave this island and return home.

I saw this chick in a bikini on the beach too. She had the nicest boobs ever. Humbly yours, Kenneth.

A luau, day. All the natives are in line for lunch before the ceremony begins. Butters stands on a platform before the chief while Kenny watches onChiefIn the time-honored traditions of our ancestors, we honor the native Hawaiian Butters Stotch with his hapa noa. [everyone cheers and and woman slips a necklace onto his neck] The shark-tooth necklace represents your connection to our island. [a horn blower comes in with a conch shell and blows into it... badly] Now drink the chi-chi! [Patty walks over with a glass of it and gives it to Butters, who begins to drink it through a straw.]Butters[turns right and coughs, then] Whoa, it's like gasoline!ChiefDrink, young keiki, and you will feel the last of your aggression melt away.Butters[Finishes the rest of the drink, then stumbles just a little bit and smiles] Hey, uh now I do feel butter, uh better.ChiefO spirits of ancestors, we ask that you bless this native Hawaiian with his hapa noa! We ask that you-Blond Man[runs in] Listen! [climbs onto a table] Listen everyone! I have terrible, horrible news!ChiefDo you realize that you are interrupting a hapa noa?Blond ManI've just come from the front office! The Mahalo Rewards card is... [chokes]ChiefWhat?! What has happened? Speak!Blond ManThe Mahalo Rewards card is being eliminated! They're trying to say our points are... are... no longer going to be accepted.Chief[Rises from his chair and walks to his left] I knew one day it would come to this.PattyTo what? What does this mean?ChiefThe haoles are trying to do away with us.Resident 1With no rewards program, there will be no distinction between who's a native to this island and who isn't!Resident 2Why can't you people respect our island? Why do you always want nore?!ChiefI'm sorry keiki, your hapa noa will have to wait! For we must unite together as never before! It is time to show the haoles that this is our island! [this draws cheers from everyone]A seaside golf course, day. A cruise ship is some distance from the shore when it blows its horn. A group of natives stand by their golf ballsChief[Yelling at the ship] Stop ruining our island, haoles! FIRE! [The natives fire away into the ocean. Some of the golf balls land in the water, some of them reach the ship]First MateWhat are they doing? [The passengers are being pelted with golf balls.]Chief[Walks over to Butters and gives him a club] Take a swing! Let them know they are not welcome!ButtersI've never done this before. [Gets into position]ChiefIt's all right. Just try to tap into that anger that's inside you.ButtersAim... my anger! Stupid [Swings successfully] Ben Affleck! [The golf ball sails through the air and enters the bridge, smashing through the window and the captain's binoculars. The first mate shrieks] Waaah! [The captain stumbles onto a controller and breaks it with sheer momentum. The ship begins to pitch back and sink. Passengers begin to tumble towards the water. Butters is dumbfounded. The ship breaks in two]ManHold on! [The golf club just falls out of Butters' left hand] Hold on!WomanOh I can't! I can't! I can't hold on!ManI love you! I love you!WomanNo! I love you! I love you back! [The ship vanishes below the water]Breaking NewsAnnouncerThis is breaking news!AnchorAn insurrection in the Hawaiian Islands has escalated to war! After sinking a cruise ship, the natives of Kauai continue to go berserk, forcing all tourists off their island.Man 1They just pushed us onto airplanes and said we weren't welcome anymore!Woman 1Then a little boy called me a skank.Anchor[A picture of Barack Obama appears over his shoulder] The President says he will send the Coast Guard to take the island back, though he sympathizes, being a native Hawaiian himself. [Thinks about it for a second] Hm.The ceremonial plaza, day.ChiefAre all the tourists gone from our island?Resident 3All but a few who are hiding out at Duke's Restaurant. We sent Bob and Trisha Turner to smoke them out.Resident 4What about him?Kenny(What about me?)Resident 4He's a tourist and he knows everything! We have to kill him!Butters[Jumps in front of Kenny to shield him] No! Kenny's my friend! He's the only kid at school I actually like, you buncha jerks!ChiefBe careful young keiki, your anger still controls you because we were not able to finish the ceremony. Perhaps we should finish it now.Resident 4Finish his ceremony?! We are at war, David! I have lived on this island for ten years. Ten years! Every July and part of August! And I can tell you all that what we are about to face from the haoles is nothing short of genocide!Resident 5He's right, David. We can't trust any tourists.ButtersHe won't betray us! Will you, Kenny?!Kenny(No, I'm not going to fucking betray anybody!)Resident 6Then let him prove himself! Trial by opahika'a!Chief DavidHe's only a child!Resident 4If he wants to be one of us, then he must face the challenge!Chief DavidVery well. [The horn blower, Resident 5, returns to blow the conch shell]On the bank of a river flowing by the Residences, day. David and Butters are there with the rest of the residents in the background, and Kenny is...Blond ManThis isn't right! He's not a native! He's gonna get killed!ButtersKenny, be careful!Chief DavidQuiet. He must face this challenge alone. [Kenny is on a surfboard on the river using a small paddle to get somewhere]Resident 1By the gods! Perhaps he has the heart of a native after all!Resident 4He still has yet to make the turn! [Kenny reaches a buoy in the middle of the river and paddles around it, then makes his way back to the riverbank.]ResidentsHohhh!Resident 7[A little tipsy from his drink] That's pretty good. [Kenny slows down, then loses his balance and falls into the river]Kenny(Whoops!)ButtersKenny!ResidentsAwwwww. [A second later they all turn away and leave. Butters stays at the riverbank.]Resident 4[To another Resident] I told you a haole couldn't do it!Chief DavidDid you make the turn your first try? Did any of us? [Kenny pops up behind them and floats down the river]Resident 8[A woman, walks up to Butters] Don't worry, Butters, your friend will find a way back to his kind. The gods will protect him. [She extends her left hand and guides him away]Kenny looks downriver and sees a waterfall. He panics and quickly dog paddles away from it, but the current overwhelms him and he goes over. He bumps into several rocks, each bigger than the last, on his way down, head firstSmith's Tropical Paradise, day. David has assembled the residents into this building and now talks to themChief DavidWe have called for this great meeting because if we are to survive this war, all the native Hawaiian tribes must join as one!Resident 9We're not joining the people of the Hyatt Grand Vacations! They have no rights to call themselves natives!Vacationer 1Oh and you do?! Your ancestors came on an airplane six months ago! Our ancestors sailed here! On a cruise ship! Nine months ago!Chief DavidLook, if we are to fight the haoles, we have to allow all natives to stay!CanyonerIt doesn't matter how many tribes we have, we can't win! We are but a few against the haole's military might! We may have passion, but passion does not win wars!Chief DavidOh no? Come up here, keiki. Come on. [Butters gets on stage with David] This child sunk a cruise ship by himself! Tell them keiki. [Hands the mic to Butters]ButtersWell I don't know about the rest of ya, but I'm sick and tired of bein' pushed around all the time! I came all the way down here for my hapa noa ceremony, and I can't even have it, 'cause the fucking haoles have to ruin everything!Resident 9Yeah!Vacationer 1Screw them!ButtersWell if you ask me, the only good haole is a dead haole! With a, with a stick up his butthole, and his wiener cut off! Rraahhhh!Chief DavidLet us make a pact with more chi-chis!Resident 10[goes to serve himself some more chi-chi from the barrels, but finds there isn't any] Um, we're... we're out of chi-chis.Resident 11Oh, right, we've closed off all the ports.Resident 12But they're still letting vodka through, right? Uh... they can't cut off our chi-chis.Chief David...Oh my God.Downriver, day. Kenny crawls onto the riverbank, coughs, and looks up. He's across the road from Coco Palms. He stands up and walks towards it. He looks around and heads in, but first waits for a bunch of bats to fly out of the cavernous entrance. Meanwhile, offshore, the U.S. Coast Guard shows up in force to deal with the nativesCaptainThis is the U.S. Coast Guard! We have instructions to take you by force, if necessary!Chief David[heading up a large group of natives] Ready? Fire! [the natives fire off their golf balls, but none of them have any effect on the Coast Guard]Captain[Lowers his binoculars, then flatly] Fire. [The ships' guns fire away and decimate many of the natives]Chief DavidArm the bocce balls! [Surviving natives arm bocce balls into slingshots stretched between palm trees. One of them lands on the main ship with a heavy thud]CaptainGod damn it.Chief DavidKeep fighting! Stand your ground!Resident 4We can't fight without chi-chis!Chief DavidYou can and you MUST!Butters[He has six golf balls in front of him and he hits each one towards the Coast Guard] Stupid! Greedy! Haoles! Kill! Them! All!Kenny walks through the Coco Palms, which is dark and spooky. A voice is soon heard, and Kenny stops in his tracks. He turns and runs away, but steps onto a patch covering a hole on the floor and falls in. He recovers and looks up to see the shining ghost of Elvis Presley. He beckons Kenny to follow him, mumbling just like Kenny does.The KingCome on, come on. [Mumbles a few more things as they walk towards a door. Elvis stops and pulls a lever, and a wall rises to reveal loads of absolute vodka, pineapple juice, coconut milk, and macadamia nut liqueur, all the ingredients needed for chi-chis. Elvis walks up to the doorway and motions to Kenny] You know what chi-chis are, right?The Residences, day, on the ceremonial plaza, Chief David admits defeatChief DavidListen everyone, we gave it all we had. It's over. We must go down to Nowiliwili Harbor, and surrender to the American government.Butters[Runs onto the plaza] Surrender?! No, the heck with that!Resident 4We can't hold out here any longer!ButtersWell I won't do it, you hear me?! I'm not licking anybody's... testes!Chief DavidYoung keiki, try to control your anger.ButtersNo! This is our home! And I'm sick of everyone who thinks they're better than me just 'cause they've got good looks, and just 'cause, even after massacring Daredevil, they happen to come back and hit a home run that everyone likes! You shouldn't be able to be good-looking and be with Jennifer Lopez and be a good director! [Turns around and walks away] All right all right fine! Argo is a good movie! There, I admitted it! I told people that it didn't hold up, but it holds up god darn it! Ben Affleck has everything, GRAGH!Resident 13Everyone! Look, I say! [Everyone comes to see, and it's Kenny coming back with a raft full of absolute vodka, pineapple juice, coconut milk, and macadamia nut liqueur. Everyone cheers him on]Resident 14The haole did it!KennyMy dear friends of the mainland,:What adventures I have found on the tiny island of Kava'i. I have truly become one with the natives, who found new courage to fight their oppressors.Chief DavidWe are not surrendering today! Go back and tell your leaders that we will fight them until the end! [Everyone cheers]CaptainYou people just don't give up, do ya?KennyThe American government finally gave in to the natives and had the Mahalo Rewards cards reinstated. Our two cultures, it appears, will once again live in peace.Everyone cheers, even the Coast Guard captainKennyWith the war at an end, our Butters is able to have his hapa noa ceremony. And with any help from the gods, become his old cheery self again.The hapa noa ceremony, day. Butters will finally become a full-fledged member of his tribeChief DavidAnd so it is with great honor that we recognize these two natives with their hapa noa. Take your cards, boys. [Two women come up and give them their cards] Apuiloa hapnanoaha! Hapa'a'a hohaaa! [Resident 5 returns to blow the conch shell a third time.] It's finally over, young keiki. Is your anger at rest?Butters[He thinks for a moment] Yeah, I guess so. Except it still doesn't change the fact that Ben Affleck gets to be handsome, talented, and then gets to go home and kiss Jennifer Lopez.Resident 15Ben Affleck isn't with Jennifer Lopez anymore, he's married to Jennifer Gardner.ResidentsYeah, it's true, uh huh.ButtersWhat? Really? But I thought I was totally jealous of him. He's just married to Jennifer Gardner? Oh my God, I feel so much better. [smiles with relief]Kenny(You do?)ButtersYeah, ogh, I like that Ben Affleck guy. He's a good filmmaker. Come on, Kenny, I guess I owe the kids at school an apology. [He and Kenny walk off into the sunset] Did you see Argo, Kenny? It's a pretty good movie. Ben Affleck has a lot goin' for him. Not everything, but a lot. Whoopie!

[warmau]

warning: violence mentions | the rivalry au based off kick it mv

diamond dragons

jaehyun

the head of the diamond dragons, as the only child of the prestigious and almost obnoxiously rich jung household it was only right that he take over as the new and young leader

he grew up with most things being handed to him on a silver platter - but spoiling him didn’t make him less calculating or smart

he likes consistency and is fiercely rigid about social order - that being said, if someone who doesn’t even have the status to be able to look in jaehyun’s eyes as much as raises their voice or hand against him

with a snap of his wrist, he’ll crush their entire existence

so you can see, not many people choose to test their limits

he becomes known as a silent and cutthroat businessman, his family’s ties and his ability in finding only the best, most qualified people to work for him has allowed him to build a gambling empire 

sitting on the boards of famous hotels and casinos

and when things don’t go exactly his way - well he has other members of the diamond dragons take care of that for him

he just blinks  or tilts his head and that’s enough for his men to know their job

quite frankly, you don’t know how you ended up in a position like this - you had just finished your shift as the nightly poker dealer and were going to head home

when a sleek, long black car had pulled its way directly in front of you

you brace yourself, digging around in your purse for your keys because you’ve seen this in movies - you need to at least defend yourself

but then to your shock, the keys falling from your hand - the window rolls down and you see 

jung jaehyun

“you’re the dealer from table 127, right?”

unable to speak - seeing someone so glamorous, so rich up close - you nod

the driver suddenly hurries around from his seat and opens the door of the car

jaehyun steps out, tall and glorious, the suit he’s wearing is made of silk and the cut between the lapels is deep - showing the beautiful and clean skin underneath it

you also make out the peek of something dark on the dip of his left collarbone

it’s the dragon tattoo everyone in seoul knows he has

“i’d like you to quit your job and work for me.”

he leans down a little - your eyes suddenly drawn to his own

a smile unfurls on his lips when he sees the shock of his proposition seep into your expression

“why?”

“let’s just say i have a soft spot for dealers, it’s the uniform. it turns me on.”

he chuckles, the sound low in the back of his throat as he toys with a strand of your hair and lets his hand settle on the bright red vest you wear for work

with that he turns and disappears into the shadow of his car, the driver rushes to close it and then turns to you with his hand extended

in it is a playing card, you see a “J” and think it’s the joker, but it’s actually not a card at all.

in the center where there should be an ace or a spade, is a curled dragon and the contact number jung jaehyun

you want to ask - exactly what does this job entail? but the car curves left and out of sight 

the spot on you where jaehyun had touched sears a little

something tells you he’s had his eye on you for a while.

taeyong

a martial arts specialist, trained since before he could fully walk a straight line

he has two major interests: perfecting his technique and lace

he is a very very very big fan of lace

for someone who knows over three hundred ways to break bones - he craves and adores soft, beautiful things

people assume it’s because he himself is basically ethereal - that he wants to emulate it in his lifestyle

but really he just thinks there’s power in in it - no one ever said you had to knock someone out in bloody, dirty clothes

he agreed to be a part of diamond dragons partially because he respects jaehyun’s meticulous commitment to fine aestheticism 

but also because beautiful things aren’t cheap 

now he’s jaehyun’s main source of protection - quietly appearing in the shadows when jaehyun is threatened and taking care of “problems” without leaving a mess

he’s always dressed in white silks, lace collars and even lace ribbons on his arms and fingers and even in his hair

some members nicknamed him an angel of death because to be hurt by something so beautiful,,,,,,can’t be all that bad

you know taeyong, not as a member of the diamond dragons, but because he’s a customer of yours

you work with all the fabrics he adores, so when he needs tailoring he  comes to you - always wearing something gorgeous and insanely expensive

long fingers adorned in jewels, yellow-brown eyes hidden behind blonde strands of hair

he claims no one else can tailor like you do - you treat the fabric with such care

it flusters you to be complimented by someone like him, but you never think twice about a man so polite and gentle

not until taeyong happens upon your shop in the middle of a robbery

and you frighteningly back up into a corner as a figure looms over you - money clutched in hand and wicked eyes

you think something bad is bound to happen until suddenly - the figures head is gone

you look up to see taeyong

his leg outstretched in a perfect high-kick, one angry flash of silver in his eyes 

it takes you a moment to put things together - to understand what kind of force it takes for someone to do that

taeyong calmly straightens back out and steps over the slumped body

he takes your hand in his, still as gentle as ever and smiles

“i’ll make sure this goes away, now tell me - did you finish that order of mine?”

you cant breath for a second

his beauty had turned ravenous for a second - and yet, you aren’t horrified by it

instead the impact has somewhat enchanted you

you simply nod, leading him over to your work desk

the two of you ignoring the rolls of money that have fanned out on the floor  

when you tilt your head to look over, taeyong pulls your chin toward him and he says it again

“ill make sure this goes away.” 

yuta

a one shot fireball 

some people have perfect pitch, he has perfect aim 

any weapon, any size, any power - drop it into his hands and he’ll know what to do with it 

and how to do it perfectly

yuta used to enjoy traveling alone, a sort of transit lifestyle that let him do and see whatever he wanted

much to the shock of many of jaehyun’s companions, hiring yuta was kind of out there

he was closer to a street banger than the refined masters jaehyun had a preference for

but yuta didn’t care about the stuck-up opinions some people had about him

it had been simple, jaehyun had bumped into him at a gala where he was attending as a guest and yuta had been hired to take care of a festering problem known as a corrupt governor who was also in attendance

jaehyun had sat back with his glass of wine, watching yuta do his work

even in a packed ballroom of people - he had got his mark - and then had calmly turned on his heel and disappeared

jaehyun had found him, of course, and had offered a position with the golden dragons

yuta had laughed at it, he wasn’t going to be a second hand call dog to some rich boy with a taste for refinement 

but the money and the possibilities jaehyun spoke of had turned his tide

even though doyoung would scrunch his nose up when yuta strolled into meetings in less than appropriate attire or playfully twirled explosives in his hand 

he was a true golden dragon now, he even had a small symbol tattooed behind his ear to show solidarity 

you are the child of an extremely powerful casino owner, and therefore jaehyun knows and is acquainted with your family

the problem is - your father refuses to work with jaehyun on a certain amount of issues

yuta doesn’t think much when the order comes down and he gets himself ready for the job

your family is going out to dinner as usual, and yuta strolls through the restaurant and your table where you and your father are laughing

he sees the target - but something causes him to stop

your smile is so vibrant, shimmering with a kind of light he’s never seen before

you briefly glance up at the awkward, but handsome man but then refocus on your father

yuta takes his seat and stares down into the perfectly white plate - what he has hidden in the pocket of his jacket now feels heavy and unfamiliar

a sensation so new and obtuse to him that when he fishes it out

taking a second to line up his shot - the trigger feels wrong

the room disappears and like tunnel vision he sees you

usually he looks at people through crosshairs - yet something soft glows around you

once again you turn your head a little and catch his eye

a pretty smile accompanies it and yuta grinds his teeth

when he lines up the shot again - something happens that’s never happened before

he misses

the bullet ricochets to the left, hitting the wall to the kitchen

a flurry of panic breaks out and you get up, hand on your fathers back 

yuta sees you one last time before he’s getting up too

a small voice reminds him that jaehyun will not be pleased

but yuta can only think

fuck jaehyun. i need to go toward them, i need to go toward that light.

doyoung

the famous lightening thief, whose reputation comes from being able to steal anything from anyone

and not petty grabs like cars or wallets or whatever

his repertoire includes everything from art museums to royal family homes to top corporations 

if you want it - and you can pay the price for it - kim doyoung can get it

the police have made disgruntled points about his hands being kissed by midas or something, considering he’s never left fingerprints anywhere so they can’t tie him to the crimes

but it’s public knowledge that paintings and sculptures hanging in the homes of the affluent got there somehow

and that folders upon folders of incriminating evidence against powerful and corrupt ceos had to come from somewhere

his broad web of connections and perfect organization has made him a vital part of many rich families business

but he particularly enjoys working for the diamond dragons because the commission fee he gets is triple what he usually sees

and jaehyun’s missions for him always test his mathematical brain

he does, in fact, have one thing he can’t steal 

and it’s tortured him for years

watching you work for jaehyun’s most despised rivals - the ragtag group that calls themselves the golden tigers 

you’re the close confident of their leader, mark lee, and although doyoung has figured out enough to understand that you are nothing more to mark lee than a friend

there’s something about that closeness that doyoung craves 

and so whenever jaehyun comes in contact with them, doyoung makes himself there 

he watches you, wearing the thick leather jacket with the prowling golden tigers climbing up both sleeves

your eyes are always on mark or jaehyun, and doyoung looks at you past the frames of his glasses

no one has ever been more beautiful and more unattainable ,,,,,,,, he’s thought of multiple ways to get you to be his

but all of them are dark and horrible - unacceptable 

doyoung swallows when he sees you approach at mark’s side, your hand settles on his hand and mark whispers something to you

doyoung doesn’t understand - why doesn’t jaehyun just take care of this group of children, he could spare you and let doyoung-

suddenly something turns the blood in doyoung’s blood freeze over

your eyes, linger on him, they start from his face and travel downward

you’re scoping him out - you’ve never done that

doyoung’s shoulders tighten, his lips thin and he can’t help but feel the heat of your stare 

he’d dream of the day you noticed him, but he could have never imagined it would feel like this 

he meets your gaze and the side of your mouth twitches into a small smile - a secret smile - it causes him to step back

a couple of the members throw glances at him, but doyoung’s mind nearly breaks

what did that mean? why are you finally look back at him?

jaehyun moves taeyong and yuta in front of him and mark calls upon on haechan and jungwoo

you lurk back into the shadows and doyoung knows its against his better judgement but he does too

while everything breaks out into hell - he watches you slip away and this time he doesn’t want you to go

he chases after you and falls right into your trap - he feels your hand against his back

“have you always had a soft spot for me? sorry it took me so long to notice”

you say, your voice like a goddesses hymn. 

doyoung wants to say something, but everything suddenly dims. 

golden tigers

mark

break it till you make it kind of mentality, from a hard working family that lost it all because of evil people in power (most likely because of something jaehyun’s family did - but that’s too deep in the lore for now)

he’s been making his own money and helping out friends since he can remember 

and even though he looks like the most gentle, kind boy and he is - when you’ve been training to protect those you love your whole life

you can grow a tougher skin

and at some point it clicks for mark that he doesn’t have to sit around and do nothing - he can actively stop the people who hurt others for their own gain

and that’s kind of the whole reason behind the golden tigers

that and mark’s always felt an affinity for the animal, his mom used to call him little cub

and when he wants to be - mark can be ferocious, especially when it comes to jung jaehyun

who resembles everything mark hates, and jaehyun doesn’t fancy mark either - seeing him as one of those people whose social status just doesn’t match up

you’re mark’s childhood bestfriend whose seen firsthand how hard mark has fought for everything

how he’s taken the things the rich have done to the people of his community and reversed it

a lot of people owe debts to the jungs in your neighborhood, your older brother being one of them and on numerous occasions mark and the golden tigers have saved his and your life

you hate to fall into the cliche, but you think you’ve been in love with him for as long as you can remember

so watching him wear himself out - worrying about everyone else but himself - it’s made you anxious

you find him slumped over in an alley one night, dropping your bags of groceries to run over to him

a small drip of blood streamlines down his lip and he explains that he’s fine

but you can tell he’s been jumped - probably by one of those underlings for the diamond dragons

you help him back to your home and mark starts insisting that he go, that he leave

and for once you stop him - hand on his, still bandaged from when he broke it the week before

“mark lee, you can be a fierce tiger and fighter and protector - but have you ever thought about protecting yourself?”

he falters at your sudden straightforwardness

“i protect myself-”

“well! that’s not good enough. from now on, im your protector.”

you lean up to wipe the blood away with your sleeve and drag him with any force needed into your home so you can make sure he’s really alright

but thankfully mark kind of falls into step behind you easily

this side of you new, but inviting in some kind of mysterious way

“do-do you want to be a part of the golden tigers?”

he asks when you’re standing in front of him with wads of cotton, and hot tea on the counter

“i thought i already was - mark lee, you’ve bleed on my carpet like a billion times.”

mark laughs a little and his hand comes shyly to rest on your waist

he admits it now. you’ve always been there for him too.

but right now you just look so much more beautiful than all those times before,,,,,,,,,,,,,he can’t really explain why.

haechan

particularly skilled interrogator - he has a keen sense of reading people and fishing out their weaknesses

its not to say that he enjoys psychological games as much as he’s natured to be insanely good at them

he says he’s not a golden tiger, but he is - probably more than anyone else 

because he understands mark and when he isn’t pretending like he’s not interested in this whole vigilantism

he too doesn’t particularly have a good history with the powerful

which is why maybe,,,,,,,,,it is sometimes to watch them squirm

with nothing but words

he does adore the other members as well, especially taeil who haechan thinks is just the most entertaining person in the world

he describes him as a matrix - his personality and his skill set just do. not. make. sense. 

haechan loves it! 

you’re actually a student at the university haechan attends, because as much as he is a golden tiger - he still wants to do something outside of the group for himself

you, of course have no idea about his affiliations, but boy do you and haechan get into it

he nitpicks at things and you argue that that’s not the right way to get to someone

he always points out it is the right way to get on your last nerve though

everyone in the room can feel the tension between you two, the whole will they won’t they

and haechan’ wont lie - it’s nice to tease someone not because you need their information to help save others or to destroy the plans of someone evil

but simply because you like their reaction

but one day, haechan realizes hes let you in too close

because as you’re walking with him to the bus stop - a group of figures spots him and spots you

they don’t approach, but haechan can tell they’ve taken note of you and it makes his blood cold

“hey, can i make sure you get home today?”

“oh - are you being nice to me now for some sort of reverse psycholog-”

haechan sees the dragon tattoo on one of the men’s necks, he swallows and steers you in the opposite direction

“no im not playing, just let me make sure you get home.”

“haechan c’mon im not gonna-”

you start, but something in haechan’s eyes dims and you look around and see that there are other people staring

“haechan,,,,,,what is going on?”

you whisper and he thinks quickly, reading their body language and nodding at you

“run.”

“what?”

“run. now.”

haechan and you end up sprinting through the winding streets, you’re too scared to look back and see who is following you, but when you finally do

haechan just grabs your hand and tugs you after him

once he thinks you’re somewhere safe, he doesn’t let your hand go

you look at him - eyes wide - he thinks, oh fuck i can’t let those guys get to them now

“haechan-”

“i know. i’ll explain everything.”

jungwoo

model turned casual member of golden tigers

he used to be straight onto a path of stardom and money, his pretty face and long lithe figure had made him quite popular for magazines and runway

but that kind of life came with so much loneliness and sadness that one day he just up and quit

he had met mark only a week later, after spectacularly failing an interview at a local coffee shop whilst also dodging unwanted attention from several of the patrons

mark had thought it was odd, the way someone could be so easygoing and still ward off the bad things around them

jungwoo had asked to sit at mark’s table and the two had talked, by the end of it mark had said if jungwoo needed anything he could come to him

and jungwoo didn’t need anything per say

but he did have something to offer

“im agile, im tall, and i can pretty much perfectly blend in with the kind of people you’re fighting. don’t you think i’d be useful?”

now he sports the golden tigers jacket, spends days flimsying around taeil’s makeshift basement lab

and hovering over haechan’s shoulder when he’s doing schoolwork

but it’s true - he’s on several occasions been able to get into the hotels the jungs have a hand in and has picked up anyone of interest to be interviewed and taken care of, if need be, by the other members

you’re supposed to be charmed by jungwoo because it seems like you have information on jaehyun

but instead of you being too charmed by anyone - you just seem just as obliviously beautiful as jungwoo 

when he starts talking to you, you stare long and hard and then pick an eyelash from his cheek

“you should make a wish.”

jungwoo hasn’t heard that in years

but he happily obliges

when he asks you about jaehyun again you sort of deflate a little, the whimsical sparkle of your eyes dims

“i don’t know much about him, i don’t quite think i really ever want to know much about him.”

something clicks in jungwoo’s head and he asks you if you want to ditch the event you’re both at

you agree, wholeheartedly - thinking you two might run off for a midnight stroll or a stop to eat

instead you find yourself in front of mark lee and other golden tigers, but not for the interrogation they thought would happen

“i think you should let them join.”

jungwoo insists and haechan mutters that you can’t just let everyone jungwoo has a crush on join to mark

but mark sees something in you that he sees in jungwoo

when you ask if this is a gang, mark laughs and shakes his head

“no, that jung family is gang. we’re just trying to help.”

jungwoo gives you an enthusiastic nod - you don’t really know why but there’s a sense of trust you feel with these people

none of them are wearing those masks you’re so used to on the faces of the elite

you agree to see if you can be of any help and jungwoo shrugs off the jacket he’s wearing

 the one with tigers on the sleeve

“it’s getting cold, plus you’ll have one just like it soon.”

you accept with a blush and haechan groans about how flirting isn’t supposed to be allowed! 

taeil

scientist

but like a little crazy

but like he has no funds or an actual laboratory so he makes experiments in his basement 

and almost blew up the apartment building down the street because of it - but like seriously it wasn’t on purpose he just spilled some stuff into some other stuff and it was weird

mark knows him because he actually used to work for jaehyun, the moon family is pretty infamous for being doctors and phd researchers

and taeil’s happened to be in chemistry - which is always a fun thing to have if you want to run a deadly operation

he left for unknown reasons - he left way before mark’s name had ever been uttered to jaehyun

and even though doyoung, jaehyun’s own private information thief, had been trying to find him for a while now

taeil had the help of the golden tigers to keep him on the fringes

which is why, from time to time, he likes to help them out as well

jungwoo and haechan both really have come to like him - mark likes him too and all, but those three somehow know how to have fun together

taeil’s favorite thing to experiment with is acidity, he likes making poisons and acids that can destroy things

and sometimes his own clothes (and even skin) pay the price - but that mans pain tolerance is so high he could probably be shocked by lightening twice and be standing

you’re one of the people who lives in the building beside taeil’s and you always hang around the back lot where the stray cats are

one is your ultimate favorite - a chubby black cat with one eye who you’ve named bruce - one day you see bruce pawing at the basement window of the other building so you go to see whats up and almost jump back when you see a person

his eyes shift from you to the cat and the window suddnly opens

he pushes forward a can of cat food - but you stare at it questioningly

“i didn’t poison it.”

he says

“,,,,,,,,,,who are you?”

“im taeil.”

“do you live down there?”

“you could say so.”

you watch as bruce shuffles toward the food and meows gleefully

“is he yours? i thought he was a stray?”

the voice asks and you shake your head

“he is. ive also been feeding him,,,,,,,,,,hey - whats that smell coming down from there?”

“oh nothing.”

the man smiles and you think it’s a little suspicious - but people are weird - and if he’s been helping the cat he can’t be all that bad

you notice a mark on his hand when he reaches out to move the can, it looks like the end of a dragons tail but you don’t say anything

he meets your gaze and waves a small tiny goodbye

before he closes the window for good he says something weird

“i could though.”

“hmm?”

“i could make a poison out of that.”

the window shuts and you sort of stay crouched, confused

bruce looks fine though and you follow him back out onto the street 

when you return, there’s a curtain in the window

huh, maybe ill see him again. but what’s all that about poison?

taeil hums to himself as he continues working and then stops

“ah, i shouldn’t have said that to them. probably not cute to flirt with my knowledge of deadly chemicals.” 

wild card

johnny

he was supposed to grow up in a monastery and be a man of belief ,,,,,,,,,,, but things happened

and now he’s extremely good at just about everything both the golden tigers and the diamond dragons would want in a member

problem is - he doesn’t feel solidarity toward either of them

because he doesn’t know the answer

is life about money or is it about helping others instead of yourself?

that’s a little to ethically on the nose for him

instead he likes to play both sides

jaehyun’s all about the gambling business - mark’s all about bringing those debt collectors down

so every now and then johnny shows up at a poker game or at the doorstep of someone whose running away from the jungs

he dangles his loyalty and then pulls it away, the thrill junkie in him expressed by the loud yellow motorcycle he zips through around town

he knows playing both sides of a card is risky

but he likes it - the adrenaline rush isn’t matched

you figure out what he’s doing pretty quickly, as you are the only person who does have his commitment 

and when he does come home and you splay a hand over the toned plane of his chest

you ask him to stop, just so he’ll be safe

“i will, soon. they’ll both be destroyed.”

“how?”

johnny shrugs, leaning in to brush his lips against yours - he never lets this conversation get too far

but the day comes when both sides figure it out

they’re being played

and jaehyun doesn’t like wild card and mark doesn’t like playing the game all together

so johnny tells you to grab and go to run away with him and from this place

he’ll take you somewhere better and new

you stand on the corner of the street, 3 am and in the dim light

“how will i know you won’t run away from me, how you’re running away from the problems that have caught up to you?”

he steps closer to you - craddling your face in his large hands

“because i would die for you.”

he pulls something from the back of his pocket and places it in your hand

“you don’t have to answer me now, but when you’re ready - i do want to know. will you die for me too?”

johnny turns out to be right, the golden tigers and the diamond dragons will come to destroy each other

you don’t know if the evidence he collected and left at the doorstep of a local precinct helps with that

well anyway, it isn’t your problem anymore - you and johnny have moved on to bigger and better things

at least the rings you wear prove as much