#the dragging out of the show leads to inconsistency in it that is both frustrating and hilarious with its implications

[seaglassdinosaur]

I’m gonna make a controversial statement

Ninjago is the Supernatural of cartoons

[smellslikemultifandomimagines]

Rendezvous - ‘secret love affair’ part two | jason todd

request: 

『 i need a part two to “secret love affair” 👀🥺 』

pairing: jason todd x fem!reader 

warnings: cheating // smut → sex in all kinds of positions, oral (fem receiving), jason being a shit™

word count: 3k

part 1: secret love affair

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:• ☾ ☼ ☽ •:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•

smut night masterlist

Your stir awake, cracking your eyes open before rubbing them. The arm of your boyfriend rests perfectly over your side and around to your waist, holding you flush against him. You had almost forgotten he was there; mind too focused on trying to come up with ways to avoid Jason. Dick was nice enough to let you have a day off training, ‘you should spend the day with him’, he advised you last night. This was a perfect excuse to not see jason. But the problem is: you live with him. You couldn’t avoid him forever.

It was still pretty early which meant Jason probably wasn’t up already having breakfast. Turning yourself to your other side, you rest your head on your hand. Poking the soft skin of your boyfriend’s cheek, he swats your hand away with a raspy chuckle. One eye cracks open and closes, and with a groan, he sees you staring down at him.

“breakfast?” You say a little bit too eagerly.

“we just woke up,” he says groggily.

“i know but I’m hungry.”

“that’s not my problem,” he sighs tiredly, already feeling himself about to go back to sleep.

“well, how about I go make us some toast or something and we can have a breakfast-in-bed?”

“yeah, yeah, okay,” he mumbles, eyes falling heavy. You stand up from the bed, head feeling dizzy with nervousness.

“wait, I’ll come with you.”

The two of you walk tiredly to the kitchen. You could tell he wasn’t too happy about being woken up at 7am, but you knew it was for the better. Much to your dismay, Jason was already sitting at the table, phone in hand while eating his breakfast.

“morning guys,” he chirps.

“does everyone always get up so early here?” Your boyfriend jokes after waving at Jason.

“yeah, I mean it’s a pretty standard thing. Of course, [y/n] would know that.” Although you couldn’t see him, you just know Jason had a malicious smirk on his face.

“yeah, [y/n], you could’ve warned me.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Closing the door to the bathroom, you let out a sigh. This whole day has been filled with nothing but snarky remarks from Jason as he hints towards the other night. With each glare you shot towards him, you’re only met with a smug smirk and a wink from him. Your boyfriend, however, is ignorant enough to not notice anything. Lucky for you, you guess?

You were too wrapped up in your thoughts to notice Jason sneak in. His whisper of a “hey” nearly scares you half to death.

“hey, hey, it’s just me,” he chuckles, arm extending out to your shoulder as he holds it firmly to calm you down slightly.

“Jason, I can't do this right now. He’s right in the other room!”

“can I just talk to you for one second?”

“jason-“

“look just —meet me in my room at midnight. if you come, i’ll know that you want me too. if you don’t, I'll leave you alone.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

You hadn’t stopping thinking about jason’s offer for the rest of the afternoon. Nightfall came quickly, which was good because all you wanted to do was go to sleep and temporarily forget everything that’s happening.

Your boyfriend got into one of his ‘moods’. Though it wasn’t a rarity for him to get irritated, it certainly wasn’t something you missed. He was one of the people where something small would set him off, and he’d let little things accumulate into a big snowball of things that irritated him before he finally snaps. So that’s exactly what happened. From what started out to be a small argument about what movie to watch, it turned into something bigger.

“why can’t you just come home?”

“i,” you start before sighing. “it’s complicated, okay? I can’t just leave.”

“why not? You left me in a heartbeat.” He shrugs and arches an eyebrow sassily.

“and that was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I just need you to understand that this is the way things are from now on.”

“what? Lying around in this rich-ass stupid high-rise apartment with these people you barely even know?!” He bickers, voice raising as his frustrations grow.

“can you keep your voice down please?” You scold.

“you know, we had it good. I just don’t get why you had to pack your shit and leave me.”

“this isn’t even about you! I had to do what’s best for me. It was getting too dangerous to live at home, and you know that.”

“yeah whatever,” he rolls his eyes, not caring about anything you just said to him. “can we just watch the movie?”

The movie drags on for what seemed like forever. You didn’t feel like watching a movie or anything, your mood too put off by the previous argument. It must’ve been about half past two in the morning. The light snores coming from your boyfriend sends waves of relief over your body. Quietly, you turn off the movie and put your laptop on your desk. You look over your shoulder, studying the dark figure sleeping in your bed, and with a melancholic sigh, you sneak out of your bedroom.

You didn’t know what you were thinking, really. Visiting Jason might be the dumbest thing you’ve ever done, but it’ll be worth it. This could be your chance at explaining everything to him and to have a really good talk to him. As much as you hated to admit it, considering you still have a boyfriend, you missed jason.

You knock on the door softly, the nerves washing over you like an ocean wave. The second your eyes met his, he smirks and steps aside to let you in.

“well, well, what do we have here?” Jason chuckles.

“look, I only came here to talk. Nothing else.” You give him a stern look, to which his eyebrows arch in fascination. “i can’t have you interfering with my relationship, okay. I’m happy—”

“yeah, you sure about that? Because that’s certainly not what you said the other night. Not to mention, that little fight you had with him before? Yeah I heard that, by the way. Didn’t sound very ‘happy’ to me.”

“for fucks sake, Jason, please.” You roll your eyes, pinching the bridge of your nose between your fingers. Jason steps forward, both hands sliding down your arms before taking your hands in his.

“listen, you said it yourself — he doesn’t make you feel good. I know I can. Let me just prove that I’m better—“

“this isn’t about who’s better. Why doesn’t anyone just ask what I want instead of being so concerned with themselves,” you vent, feeling more and more frustrated by the second.

“well, what do you want?”

“i…” you start, sighing as you look down at your hands, noticing how he’s laced his fingers with yours. “i want you. Does that make me a bad person, yes, but with him —it’s difficult.”

“it doesn’t have to be.”

“i know. I’ll breakup with him but—“ those were all the words Jason needed to hear — the final push over the edge if you will — for him to finally kiss you. With jason, it was easy and you knew that better than anyone.

“let me show you how you deserve to be treated.” He whispers, leading you to the bed. He slides off your shirt before laying you on his bed. “And I mean it. Not just with sex, but you deserve to be treated with all the love that can be provided. You’re one of the few people that I feel close to, and I hate seeing you this miserable.” The genuineness of his words are shown through softness in his voice. The way his fingertips are running ever-so-gently up your sides as he hovers over you only makes you feel more nervous than before. Your legs hook around his waist, lips connecting with his in such tenderness, it makes your stomach feel warm. The two of you stay like this for a while, just holding and kissing each other — secretly wishing this moment could last forever.

His lips travel down your neck while his hand slides up your oversized shirt. You weren’t wearing a bra, which only made it easier for him to drag his thumb across your nipple teasingly. You suck in a breath as he slides your shirt off, his lips biting at the gorgeous sight of your body. Jason had always admired your body; the way your shape suited you so well, and how your vigilante outfit complimented you. You close your eyes, feeling his lips plant small kiss on your chest, down to your breasts. His tongue laps over your right nipple before moving to the left breast. Jason almost chuckles to himself as he feels your breathing quicken, watching you closely as he shuffles down the bed and leans in between your thighs.

“Can i?” He asks, hooking his fingers around your sweatpants. You open your eyes, looking down at him and nodding. Your teeth biting down on your bottom lip with anticipation as he pulls down the material, along with your underwear. That was the thing was Jason; you didn’t have to feel like you needed to wear sexy lingerie just to surprise him or get him ‘in the mood’. You were enough for him.

His hands wrap around your thighs before his tongue licks a stripe up your dripping pussy. You gasp at the feeling, and he knew you wanted more. His tongue skilfully circled your clit, a whine leaving your lips as you grind against his face.

“Jason,” you moan quietly, gripping the headboard above you as he digs his fingers into your thighs. He hums against you as you roll your eyes and tilt your head back, letting out breathy, inconsistent, yet quick moans. Your other hand reaches down to his hair and you run your hands through it, gripping it as he darts his tongue in and out of your entrance. Your hand moves from the headboard to cup over your mouth, suddenly remembering there are other people nearby.

Jason kisses up your thighs, up to your hips, stomach, neck, and finally your lips. You whine against the soft skin of his lips, silently wondering why he stopped. He travels his hand down and circles your clit with the pad of his thumb. Jason can’t contain the smirk that appears on his face when you whimper against him. Your hips raise to meet his hand. Cautiously, he thrusts two fingers into you, his lips pressing to yours to swallow your moans.

“Jason, please, I need you,” you whimper, eyes closing from the pleasure.

“you have me, darling,” his fingers curl up towards your g-spot, and he’s quick to press his lips against your again. Jason moans into your mouth as your walls clamp around his fingers.

“Please, jason, I really need you,” you almost hate having to beg because you know it’s exactly what he wants you to do. Jason chuckles in response, pulling his fingers out gently before sucking on them. In a quick motion, Jason takes his sweatpants off, along with his boxers and shirt. Although you wanted to do that for him, you still sat back and enjoyed the gorgeous view in front of you. His body was that of a god; his light abs becoming more defined by the dim light from the lamp, the way his arms flexed when he lifted his shirt.  

Jason reaches over towards the nightstand, pulling open the draw to search for a condom. You giggle when he finally finds one, tearing the packet open eagerly and rolling it on his cock before you could even get a chance to offer.

An idea pops into your head, causing you to smirk.

“What’s that look for?” He asks, arching an eyebrow. Before either of you could say anything else, you flip him over and sink down on his cock.

“fuck,” he groans, eyes trained on your pussy as he watches his cock completely disappear into you. Slowly, you bounce on his cock. Your lips are pulled in by your teeth, too scared to let out a single moan. His hands grip your hips as he moans, thrusting his hips up to meet yours, causing you to lose it. You moan loudly, but Jason is once again quick to capture your lips with his. He pulls you down, quickly thrusting into you while you whimper and moan into his neck.

“baby, we have to be quiet. You said it yourself, he’s in the other room,” Jason chuckles through a moan.

“i don’t care,” you mumble into his neck, kissing the heated skin. He laughs again, this time more cockily and filled with amusement.

“but if you want this to be our little secret, you have to be quiet okay? Can you do that for me, princess?” The pet name nearly makes you cum on the spot. You whimper and nod, leaning up to kiss him before smacking your hips harder on his cock. Jason places a hand on your shoulder, gently pushing you off before he flips you over and turns you on your knees. With your back faced towards him, he pulls your hips up towards him, his cock flicking your clit teasingly.

“jason, please,” you whimper, backing yourself against him. Without needing to be asked again, he thrusts into you while drawing out a low moan. His hips snap into yours, the pleasure of everything feels so good, you bury your face in the pillow to muffle your moans. Jason smirks at the state of you; hands twisting in the sheets, muffled moans that are practically screams, the way your pussy is clenching around him. He didn’t need you to moan his name to know that you’re all his — that was just an added bonus.

His thrusts speed up, causing the mattress to squeak along with each rock. Jason’s skilful hand snakes between your thighs and circles your clit, eliciting a moan of his name from you.

“Jason,” you whine out, pulling yourself up onto your arms and turning your head towards him.

“yes, princess?”

“I wanna hold you,” you moan as he slows down. Carefully, he pulls out and lets you flip onto your back. You pull him in close, lips connecting with so much fire, it only makes you crave him more.

Jason brings one arm up to the headboard, steading himself as he rocks back into you. Your legs spread wide for him, the new angle causes him to hit the deepest of spots inside you.

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” Jason whispers in your ear, kissing your cheek softly. You’re not sure if it’s because of his cock hitting all the right spots, or his fingers touching you in all the right places, or the whispers of sweet-nothings — but the way your stomach feels, you could’ve sworn you’ve never felt anything like it before.

Desperately, Jason thrusts into you in a quick pace. His groans muffles in your neck while his hand grips tighter at your sides. He moves his other hand from the headboard to your clit, rubbing it in circles in a way he knows you like.

“baby, I’m gonna cum,” you whimper, pulling his face up to you.

“fuck me too,” he moans into your mouth, capturing your lips in a harder kiss as you both chase your highs. His body is so close to yours; heartbeat pounding around yours chest, skin flushed hot against your own. Your arms wrap around his back, holding him as you cum, and muffling your moans into his mouth.

“fuck, jay…” you whimper, feeling your walls pulse around him as the electricity surges through your body.

“I got you,” he soothes. “good girl.”

He slowly rocks into you, groaning as he reaches his own high; the whimpers escaping through his bitten lips sound so heavenly, you wonder why you didn’t do this sooner.

The two of you stay like this for a moment, completely absorbing each other until there was nothing left but the sheer disappointment of the burden that sleeps across the hall. Jason pulls out and discards the condom in the trashcan next to the nightstand.

“hey, you okay?” His eyebrows furrow as he glances down at you. Your hands cover your face, the worry about what to do with your boyfriend almost becomes too overwhelming. Jason hovers over you as he leans his knee on the bed. His gentle, yet swollen, lips kiss your temple.

“don’t feel guilty about this. He doesn’t deserve you,” he whimpers, resting his forehead against yours after taking your hands from your face. You close your eyes and breathe in his scent of cologne mixed with sweat.

“Wait here, I’ll get you cleaned up.”

It didn’t take Jason long to return with a wet and warm cloth. He dabs and strokes the cloth over your legs and pussy, his lips complimenting you as he kisses the supple skin of your inner thighs.

“you mean so much to me, I hate seeing you like this when you’re with him,” Jason says suddenly, causing your heart to almost skip a beat. Sitting up, you place two fingers under his chin and lift his face to yours, pressing a gentle kiss on his lips.

“I’m going to break up with him, okay. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.” You hadn’t really taken the time to notice just how gorgeous this man is. With the darkened sky that shimmered under the city lights, mixed with the dim light of the lamp, you take the sight of him in, just like you did a mere hour ago.

“i should go,” your voice seldom sounds sad, but in this moment, all you want is him and him only. The thought of having to get back into bed with your ass-of-a-boyfriend makes you quiver in dread.

“hope you don’t miss me for too long,” he teases, brushing the tip of his nose against yours.

“i won’t.” You tease back.

[sylvies-chen]

Why do you think the writers are being so close to the vest about all things Kim and Burzek? I get the order of actors and all that, but this season seems SO lopsided, much more than any other. It’s so weird.

You know I REALLY did not get this either, I was really frustrated and angry at PD for leaving Kim and Adam out of this storyline especially since Kim’s the victim here and it’s HER trauma. That’s not going away anytime soon so seeing them ignore that so far and not bank in on all the opportunities their characters have to offer made me really angry… until this episode. Until now, where I’m just praying.

With Agent North’s proposition to Jay, it’s clear that this storyline is extending to the full season. I’m positive they’re dragging this out until the finale or maybe even until next season, who knows. So I think this is PD’s (lopsided but admirable) attempt at going slow. I’ve accepted at this point that most important shit for characters will always be contained in a single episode, that’s just the style of the show no matter how inconsistent and annoying it is at times. So what they’ve done, in their own weird way, is taken an episode to establish that Kim’s alright. That she’s traumatized and scarred and still healing, sure, but that ultimately, she’s going to get back to an alright headspace and she’s still able to do her work. The fans want more, but the writers ignore that for now. They need to build up to other stuff first too. So they move on to start setting things up slowly but surely.

Now they’re taking the time to build up reactions. Jay took 4 episodes to find out. Only 4. Think about that. We berate the writers for making this about him and Hailey and Voight— and with good reason because that’s only one side of a multifaceted issue— but if we look at this as a larger overarching storyline then dealing with Jay’s side of things is merely a speck of screentime; a pawn used to further the board. Think about it then: Kim and Adam being the last to know will come at a great disrespect to them but that’s kind of the whole point. The longer the buildup for their reaction, the more important it’ll be I think. More explosive, more shocking, a bigger deal for Kim, a bigger betrayal. So maybe this is just really wishful thinking and maybe I’m just too hopeful and naive, but I think they’re saving most of Kim and Adam’s involvement in this for later. They need buildup to a big finale, I guess is the reasoning for that. But at this point, it’s just a matter of hoping that 9B will deliver, which I think it will. Because this has the potential to be leading up to something really great if they eventually give the whole shabang for Kim’s reaction. Either that, or they end up just being… a mess. Which wouldn’t be surprising necessarily, but disappointing.

As for the Burzek of it all, I really don’t know. The writers really are just comfortable leaving their relationship in this beautiful little grey area which is as nice as it is frustrating. Kim and Adam in general have been paid dust the past couple of seasons, both as individuals and as a ship. I mean don’t get me wrong, the stuff they do get is fucking killer, but they don’t get a whole lot of it.

in general I totally agree with you and I think PD’s pacing is very rocky and abrupt, but right now there’s a chance that they’re actually setting things up where they’ll do it the right way and highlight Kim’s side of things and highlights Burzek but just doing it in a very weird, PD way. So I’m holding on to that sliver of hope in that area of things.

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Rapunzel and the Great Tree Part 2

Continuing on with the midseason finale of season two.

Part 1 is here  https://rachelbethhines.tumblr.com/post/628826170657570816/tangled-salt-marathon-rapunzel-and-the-great

Summary: After Adira saves Rapunzel and the group from the hurt incarnation, Cassandra makes her suspicions of Adira known which causes a falling out between her and Rapunzel. Meanwhile Hector uses the dormant power of the tree to try and attack everyone. 

Cassandra’s Motivation Doesn’t Aline With Her Later Actions 

If you’re going to have a character do a complete 180 from her original goal, than you need a better reason than just mommy issues; or validation issues, or career problems, or just simply having a falling out, or jealousy, or a ghost girl whispering in your ear, or whatever the fuck they’re trying to do with Cassandra.  

Going from ‘protect’ to ‘murder’ is a huge moral alignment shift that needed clear and reasonable justification. Cassandra is never given that. Instead they just throw everything at the wall that they can think of in the hope that something sticks. 

Only it never does because her original story was re-written at the last minute.   

Well That Was Pointless

Max and Pascal wind up saving Eugene and Lance from the man eating plant. Which adds nothing to the story. It happens and is then never brought up again. It’s just an excuse to write Eugene out of the Cass and Raps conflict and not an extension of either his or Lance’s own narratives. 

That’s a problem, because Eugene should be a main character and Lance an important supporting side character. Instead Eugene is regulated to side character status while Lance is unimportant comic relief. Not only does this ignore that fact that Eugene was the protagonist of the movie same as Rapunzel, but it also ignores the basic writing rule of ‘don’t add in characters who don’t serve a purpose in the story’. 

Adira Just Saved All of Your Asses, Cass

Boy does Adira put up with a lot of bullshit in this show, and 90% of it comes from Cass being a little bitch. 

She has no biases for this argument. Adira hasn’t done anything to warrant this accusation. In fact she’s proven herself time and time again only for Cass to lash out like a spoilt teenager with an inferiority complex. 

And Cassandra is 23!!!    

The young adults on this show are constantly written like pre-teens while the only actual teenager is constantly forced to be the most mature person in the show. 

It’s mind boggling. 

Rapunzel is In the Right Here, But the Show Wants Us to Sympathize with Cass Instead?

Oh No! Raps raised her voice at Cassandra and made her feel bad, you guys. Feel sorry for the poor paranoid baby who who’s acting like a jealous brat for no reason. 

Bull Shit. 

Cassandra not only has nothing to back up her accusation but the narrative never goes on to prove her right either. Adria is on the up and up, and always had been according to Destinies Collide. For all the show’s efforts to make Cass seem reasonable by having Adira mysteriously pop in and out, it all falls flat once you know where everything is heading. 

Plus, even if she were magically right about Adira that wouldn’t excuse her bossing Rapunzel around and insulting her intelligence. Had she done that to me I’d be telling her something a lot harsher than just to knock it off. 

Oh, But I Thought You Said Flashbacks to Corona Would Be Too Confusing?

So one of the writers, Ricky, has gone on record stating that they did originally have plans to show flashbacks to Corona to show what was going on with Rapunzel’s parents, Varian, and the Saporians. He then said they dropped them because they feared that it would be too confusing for the audience. 

Yet we get this pointless scene thrown into the middle of the mid-season finale. 

And by the looks of it it’s before even Beginnings, or maybe after Beginnings, who knows; so it’s not just a change of scene, it’s also a change in time as well. A point in the timeline that’s not been firmly established enough. So it not only has less reasons to exist then a Varian flashback would, but it’s also potentially more confusing than what a simple single episode set in Corona would have been. 

I don’t know who to blame for this poor decision making, if it’s just Chris, Chris and Ben, or a shared blame with all of the writers, but while the buck does stop with Chris, much of what Ricky has said online doesn’t reflect very well on his writing skills. Cause that’s a huge and utter bullshit excuse. 

So What Does This Add, Exactly?

Cass gives Rapunzel this purse as a gift. A purse that’s not been shown to be all that important before and isn’t made significant again. Then Raps launches into this speech about how good a friend Cass is and how lost she’d be without her. 

I understand what the thought process for this was; it’s to show how far Raps and Cass have grown apart recently and what Cassandra herself liked about being friends with Rapunzel to being with, which was the validation boost of being useful and needed; but there’s a lot of problems with including it here. 

For starters, lack of validation isn’t enough to suddenly switch into ‘kill mode’ which is where all of this is eventually leading.  

Validation shouldn’t be the foundation of any long term relationship and so rather than proving how good of a friend they are to each other, you’ve only given futher reason for why they’re toxic together. 

You needed to be building them up all throughout season one before launching into this break up plot. This scene is too little too late because we’ve spent too many episodes tearing Raps and Cass down for this plot to have the effect that they wanted it to. 

Cassandra is just doing her job. She’s suppose to show Rapunzel around and help her with shit, that’s what a lady in waiting does. Cassandra’s friendship with Rapunzel shouldn’t be so tied to her career trajectory to begin with. Not only is it unhealthy but it then is used to victim-blame Rapunzel for all of Cassandra’s problems. Even though the only thing actually holding Cass back is herself, as proven in season three. 

Timeline Confirmed

So it is indeed six months since Secret of the Sun Drop, give or take a few days to organize stuff before the trip. Meaning we’re now a year out from Before Happily Ever After. I point this out now, in order to prove something later on. 

This Logically Should Have Been the End of the Argument, But the Writers are Dragging Things Out Needlessly 

You know what I hate more than a ‘lack of communication causes drama' trope? Characters taking the time to communicate and still missing the bloody point and not resolving anything. 

Technically, Rapunzel is still in the right. She is an autonomous person capable of making decisions for herself, and Cass does need to get over herself and treat Rapunzel as such and stop getting butt hurt over not being the one in charge. 

But then we have to ruin that message by throwing in this line. 

Like, yes you’re technically in charge here Raps, but making decisions shouldn’t mean walking all over someone's feelings either. Being a leader is just as much about listening as it is about taking charge and neither of these characters understand that yet. 

And they never will, cause the writing for them is shit. 

When I first saw season two I honestly believe that this would tie into Rapunzel’s previous conflicts regarding responsibility and hypocrisy. I thought they had an arc here about learning to balance assertiveness and personal boundaries, with genuine compassion and respect for others. Had they went through with that then this could have been something truly special, but they go and throw it all away come season three. Now its just heartbreak and frustrating to watch. 

Also Stupid ‘Sisters’ Plot Foreshadowing 

More on this later, but just know if you hate the idea of calling Raps and Cass sisters then blame Chris. 

This Song Underlines The Core Problem With Cassandra's Arc

There’s no stakes.

I’ve already discussed at length now about how Cassandra’s goals and motivations are inconsistent, and how her actions don’t line up. But the reason the writers are struggling so hard to find something that fits her, is because the story has grown past her. 

We’ve already seen characters who struggle with poverty, homelessness, neglect/abuse, and oppression. There are now tons of people in the story who are fighting just for survival, and they’re all regulated to either supporting roles, one off appearances, or are background characters. 

So with that in mind what is there to justify Cassandra getting focus over them? What is she struggling with here that deserves more screen time and attention than, Eugene, Varian, Lady Caine, or even Adira? 

Cassandra isn’t poor. She lives well off in the castle and has high ranking connections. She’s not even struggling with a job she hates anymore because we’ve already seen her promoted to the one she wanted by this point.  

Cassandra isn’t homeless, she once again lives in the castle and if she chooses to leave she has plenty of opportunities waiting for her, as evidenced by Goodbye and Goodwill and Beginnings. Plus she’s shown to be capable of supporting herself both in this season and the next.  

Cassandra isn’t oppressed. She can leave anytime she wants to. She can defy the king's orders in SotSD because she’s the princesses’s bestie. She doesn’t face jail or hanging just because she and Raps has a fight now and then. 

The only thing going for her is possibly neglect/abuse, but that’s not been introduced into the story yet and isn’t what she’s discussing here. It also contradicts what was previously established between her and Cap in season one when it does come into play. 

Validation Alone is Not Enough to Connect With Most of the Audience 

Even the stanchest of Cassandra supporter often has to heavily project onto her in order to connect with her. Which isn’t a bad thing in of itself. Everyone projects to some degree or other when exploring media, that’s part of being human. But the problem is that because she’s so thinly written you’re left with little else but projection. And so you’ll hear excuses like, well she’s fighting the class system, she’s an abuse survivor, or she deserves to lash out over not getting what she wants when she’s worked so hard for it. But none of those excuses are actually presented on screen. 

Cassandra doesn’t fight against the class system. If she did she would be fighting for everyone. She’d be singing about everyone’s problems not just her own. 

Cassandra’s past abuse is just slapped on at the last minute and then disregarded when convenient. It doesn’t actually factor into the decisions she makes later on.  

Also, you don’t deserve anything just because you ‘work hard’ nor because you just really, really want it. 

It’s that point that I really take issue with. 

On the surface Cassandra should be the most relatable person in the show. I mean what young adult or teen living in this post apocalyptic nightmare of a capitalist dystopia not ever felt disappointed over not getting the job they wanted or not being given enough positive validation while crushed underneath mounting unrealistic expectations. It’s the main reason why so many of her supporters are teenagers and LGBT+. 

But all of those worries stem from something deeper than just a lack of positive reinforcement. 

You know why I had to give up on my career as an animator?

It didn’t pay benefits. 

I had medical issues and needed health insurance, but since most animation is commissioned and/or contract based, particularly if you live/work on the east coast, then you’re not going to get that most of the time. And this is after spending the majority of my time in college homeless, living out of my car, crashing on friends and families couches. I did this for three fucking years because I didn’t want to wind up in a textile mill or a carpet factory like everyone I else knew growing up, and I was told my whole life that if I went to school and worked hard enough I could have a well paying job that I enjoyed and got me away from my abusive home life. 

People like me, we’re bitter over not getting the jobs we wanted or the support we needed, not because we believe we’re special and therefore deserve it or some such bullshit, but because our very lives are dependent upon it! We’re victims of a class system that lets you starve if you don't find work. Where you’ll be trapped in abusive situations cause you can’t afford a home on your own. Where simply being yourself can be dangerous as there are people who vocally want to deny us rights and even kill us. 

Cass is an entitled whiny brat in canon because she doesn’t have any of those underlying issues. She doesn’t face real discrimination, oppression, poverty, or the looming threat of death hanging over her. She’s just throwing a temper tantrum. 

Once Again Adira is Saving Your Butt Cass

Adira is quickly becoming one of my favorite characters in the marathon. I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate her more when I first watched the show. 

Also, I’m Sorry I Didn’t Recognize the Awesomeness That Is Hector Until Now Either.

Like this is a good conflict. They both have legitimate reasons for what they do. They’re both in the right here. That’s what makes them interesting. 

They’re both fighting for something. They’re home and the belief that they can fix things, vs the fate of the world and their loyalty to both the cause and their family. All on top of having their own relationship issues. 

Hector so should have been the main villain of season two, because he just has the most reason to be opposed to the mains’ goal. 

That’s more than whatever Cass and Raps are fighting about. The only thing at stake there is their friendship, which isn’t that big of deal when you compare it to the lives and safety of billions of people. 

Plus Hector’s just flat out entertaining. 

Why is Everybody Just Standing Around Doing Nothing Here?

Fucking do something you lugnuts!!!

You’re all capable fighters. You’ve all taken down much harder enemies than one lone guy and two bearcats. Why aren’t you helping Cass fight back? Or heck, if you wanted Cass to face Hector alone then have her be a distraction so that the others can escape. Anything but having them just stand there and be useless!

Yet Again I Have to Ask Why Should Cass Care? 

Or rather why should the audience care? 

Cass isn’t a lady in waiting just because some random jerk who's already taunting her and trying to kick her ass calls her such. Hector’s not from Corona and has no knowledge of Cassandra’s life beyond what he may have heard repeated by Adiria (who is also not from Corona) or what Cass herself said in her very metaphorical song.  Nor does either them have a say in how Cass’s career goes. 

If you want to push the narrative that Cass is still a lady-in-waiting and a maid, despite having earned Cap’s approval and being appointed by the king to guard Rapunzel, then you damn well need to establish that among the mains. 

Or you know, stop trying to go back on what you’ve set up in season one. 

So How Is This Suppose To Work?

So from the backstory that we get on both the Tree and Zhan Tiri herself, this shouldn’t happen. Like Zhan Tiri is currently trapped in another dimension and according to season three she has no possession powers herself. 

Now the tree itself is said to be sentient and that Zhan Tiri took control of it, but how? How is a tree sentient? Why is it sentient? How did Zhan Tiri bend it to her will? Why is it still under her control while she’s been trapped in another dimension for hundreds of years? Why and how does the spear keep it dormant? Why does the tree itself have possession powers when Zhan Tiri has none? Is there any connection between this Great Tree and the cursed tree that was suppose to free Zhan Tiri back in Painter’s Block? If so then why are these things never brought back into play during season three? 

Give me answers damn it! 

Now This is a Good Conflit, Shame It’s Never Resolved 

Both have valid reasons to do what they do. Both are neither right nor wrong. Both however wind up getting in the way of each other because neither will listen or trust the other. 

Rapunzel thinks that this will stop Hector, and she is right it does, but more importantly she chooses this route because it gives everyone else a chance to run away. The problem is that she can’t control it, but from her point of view that’ll only put her and Hector at risk if everyone else will just do as she says and leaves. 

Cassandra thinks the spear will stop it because it’s done so before, and that’s a logical assumption. It also means that Rapunzel herself won’t be in any danger, though the others might. Cass can’t free everyone at once like Rapunzel can. It’ll also be a threat to herself, and there’s the risk that tree will stop her before she can deal the final blow.  

So what’s happening on a personal level is that Rapunzel thinks taking charge means that everyone needs to follow her say without question. Cassandra thinks Rapunzel should listen to her more, not because Rapunzel needs to listen better in general, but because she doesn’t feel Rapunzel is mature enough to make big decisions and that she herself should be in charge of the group. Both girls feel superior to the other and above other people as well, because they’re convinced they’re always right. 

Had this been the actual conflict that they went with in season three, had they actually had both characters held accountable for their actions and learn something, and hadn’t dragged innocent people into their bullshit with so much as a ‘by your leave’ or ‘I’m sorry’; then this might have been a decent story. Perhaps not as impactful as Varian’s, but still meaningful, thoughtful, and well, coherent. 

But that’s not what they did, and we’ll see no real resolution to this disagreement. 

So Why Is No One Affected By the Hurt Incantation This Time?

Eugene here was injured by the tree earlier, that’s why he’s past out, but everyone else remains unharmed by Rapunzel’s singing. Even though just last episode everyone around her were dying from it, and again in the season finale everyone dies from said incantation. But here and in Rapunzel’s Return, Rapunzel can use the incantation without harming anyone nearby so, how does that work? 

Some people have suggested that when Rapunzel focuses her hair on a target like the tree here or the amber later, that it doesn’t spread to other people, but that’s never stated on screen so it’s still a flaw. 

 Well This Goes Nowhere 

I think the writers just like throwing in shocking ‘twists’ and moments like this just for the sake of looking edgy and ‘deep’ but then they never actually follow through on the impact of such moments on the characters nor consider the more troubling implications of including them. 

I grew up on Gargoyles, Batman the Animated Series, the 90s X-Men Cartoon, and The Pirates of Dark Water. I’ve seen far more shocking and edgy stuff than this when I was six years old. In many ways the american animated tv landscape has regressed since the early 2000s when it comes to more mature cartoons, and no that’s not a complaint about modern cartoons being bad; some are good some are bad, just like its always been; but that culturally we’ve shied away more from darker moments like this and we’ve having to push for them all over again in media.   

But the difference between Tangled and those 90s cartoons I’ve mentioned is that Tangled’s darker moments are misplaced. It clashes horribly with the more comedic route that the series usually takes and as such they don’t get the focus that they need too. 

After season two is done, Cass’s hand will never be mentioned again. It does not tie into her later motivations at all nor influences her actions. Throughout the series she’ll be able to use it easily without consequence. We don't even get any on screen confirmation if it’s healed by grabbing the moonstone, by the sundrop incarnation in the finale, or if she just forever has a burnt arm. That’s how little importance it is to the story. 

This Also Goes Nowhere

Hector calls out this warning but it’s then never followed up on. Adira is proven not to be a liar at all and nobody in the group is actually doomed. Yes the wider world is put in jeopardy, but that’s Cass’s fault not Adira’s. 

The writers were too focused on making Adira the red herring for Cassandra that they forgot to make her an actual person, with wants, feelings, desires, goals, and a life beyond her mission. She’s never shown helping her family and barely interacts with them, she’s never given a reason for why she keeps disappearing, and the idea that she’s doing this to save her home is just supposition on my part because otherwise she has no reason. The series never gives us one. 

And ‘Destiny’ Is Not A Fucking Reason!!!

Oh, So Adira Will Help Hector But Not Quirin or Varian?

If Hector and Adira consider each other siblings because they’re both in the Brotherhood, than logically Adira would consider Quirin her brother as well, and Varian would be her nephew. 

She was around long enough to see the final battle in SotSD. That’s why she appears at the end of that episode, how she knows Rapunzel is the sundrop and has ‘seen her power’, and how she knows that the group has met both Quirin and Varian before now. 

She knows that Quirin is trapped in amber. She knows her nephew has been arrested by a kingdom with a poor track record of punishing orphaned teens and poor people with overly harsh sentences. So why didn't she do anything there? 

We find out during season three that the black rocks can cut through the amber, and its established that Adira’s sword can cut through the rocks, so clearly she didn’t even try to save Quirin has just given him up for dead. But there’s no reason why she couldn’t have broken Varian out of the prison and taken her with him. 

In fact Adira hiding Varian from the rest of the group during season two would have been an actual reason for her disappearance and an actual reason not to trust her. That would have upped the stakes and given Cass reasons for what she does. Plus more time for Varian’s redemption, more chances to call out Rapunzel and Fredric on their BS, and ties seasons one and two together better. 

Seriously leaving Varian out of season two was the dumbest decision in television. Putting Varian back in actually fixes everything in the show. 

The Real Reason for the Burnt Hand is a Costume Change for Cass

I don’t know if she even got merchandise for this costume.   

Conclusion 

Much like season one’s arc episodes, The Great Tree held a lot of promise that was then completely wasted by season three. It’s also one of the very few episodes in the season to have actual stakes and conflict so it easily jumps to the top of the pile. But what it sets up is then never resolved or expounded upon, making it a waste. 

Next up we’ll have the mid season recap. 

[tea-at-221]

The TJLC Debacle: 3 years out from S4 and counting; the copyright mini-theory; so much salt I’m bloated; but in the end, there is peace (I love you Johnlockers)

Ugh, don't even talk to me about Mary.

Don't even talk to me about the way Mofftiss have said they're sick of responding to fans on the subject of Johnlock. Of how they've said they're "not telling anyone else what to think or write about them" (as if they could stop us; as if they even own Sherlock themselves. Do keep reading, because this point becomes much more relevant and in-jokey later on). Don't even mention how they've bitched and whined incessantly because--god forbid--fans got *really really* into their show and emotionally invested.

They're so eager to discount all the beautiful little moments they wrote as accidents. And Arwel, who planted all those props, continually demonstrates that he's on their side (a not-very in-depth-analysis of his Instagram account and the way he interacted with fans towards the beginning of the pandemic showed as much, but I think maybe he’s grown a bit wiser and quieter since at least in terms of Johnlock and all things elephant-related. I don’t know for sure because I stopped looking.)

Anyway--they'd actually prefer for us to celebrate our own intelligence, is I suppose a charitable way of looking at it: our ability to make connections between things in the show; our metas on symbolism; our insightful fanfic; etc., and denounce them as the bad writers that they ultimately are.

More under the cut.

(This post may be of interest to you especially if you came to the fandom a bit later: multiple links to things of relevance/quotes/explanations appear both within and at the end of this entry.)

Because what makes a writer good?

Well, an ability to make people feel an emotional connection to their work, for one. I know this is just my own perspective, but if not for Johnlock, all my emotion about the show would evaporate. There wouldn't be much else there. Other people might get something, but I wouldn’t. Is some of the writing witty and entertaining regardless of any inferred/implied Johnlock? Yeah but, eh, a lot of shows have some good writing and I just don’t give a damn about them.

What makes a writer good?

Not making promises to the reader/viewer that they'll never keep. Plot holes, leading dialogue ("There’s stuff you wanted to say...but didn’t say it.” “Yeah”) never followed through on, puns that are apparently, I suppose, unintentional (e.g. "'Previous' commander?" "I meant 'ex'").

Uh, not writing continual gay jokes that aren't actually pointing toward the inference that people are making them because there's actually something going on there under the surface. (How about just don't make those jokes ever.)

Not being, apparently, oblivious (? questionable) to the queerbaiting they're engaging in *as they’re writing it.*

Acting like their LGBT audience is in the wrong/the bad guy, instead of choosing to remain respectful in the face of dissent. Instead it's just, "we never wrote it that way" / "We never played it that way."

A lot of those other mildly witty shows don’t actually blatantly drag their most passionate fans face-down through the mud the writers themselves created. Imagine that.

I'm not even a fan of Martin Freeman anymore, for the way he handled the whole thing (getting angry, the comments he made about how the fans made Sherlock “not fun anymore”...apparently Martin’s packing up his crayons and going home?)...no offense to anyone who is still a fan of his. I don’t make it a habit to drag him. I do to some degree understand his frustration with having the whole situation taken out on him--he’s just an actor in the show--but I simply wish he’d remained as cool and professional about it as Benedict Cumberbatch instead of pointing at the fans. You’re pointing in the wrong direction, mate.

What also irks me at the end of the day is this: the subsection of people who legitimately responded badly to the TJLC/S4 debacle and went above and beyond to harass the writers and actors/actresses on social media are *few and far between*, but we've been lumped in with them by what feels like...everyone, Martin included. TJLCers/Johnlockers (not the same group, but often treated as such) have been made to look like a bunch of rambunctious, immature, demanding children time and time and again in the wake of S4.

They'd rather, what, suggest John was so in love with Mary? THAT was the relationship they wanted to uphold in that show as so significant and...what, a demonstration of how honorable it is to respect your heterosexual relationship despite, you know...ANYTHING?

Yeah sorry, I don’t believe in that. John’s text-based affair, whether a disappointment for some as to his supposed character, was a very human reaction and I kinda sorta feel like I would have reacted MUCH more strongly than that had I been John. But nope. He stayed with Mary and was *ashamed* of his wandering eye. Ashamed that maybe he wanted to be admired by someone. I can’t think of a scene, off the top of my head, where Mary ever interacted with John without belittling him in some way--if not with words, then with consistently patronizing glances.

The message here is that heterosexuality is not just acceptable, but VALUABLE, however it manifests--but god forbid anyone see a queer subtext. (Why are lgbt+ writers some of the very WORST offenders where this is concerned? And they defend it! Is this childhood nostalgia/Stockholm Syndrome of the very fondest variety or what? Gay angst is all they got if they got anything at all, so it’s still good enough as far as “representation” goes?)

They really want to tell the story of John as so emotionally/mentally fucked up that he surrounds himself with unstable people time and again. They never give any reason *why* he might do that (which they could have done even soooo subtly), or delve into his past--just, apparently it's okay to assume that Sherlock's comment about "she's like that because you chose her" is exactly that.

No. Sherlock and Mary are NOT the same. Not...*remotely*!

Mary is underhanded and evil. She lies. She manipulates. She schemes. Her “love” is based on selfishness, and her assumption that John is a simpleton and hers to mold. She's in it for herself.

Sherlock hides. He prevaricates. He feels. He loves John. He does fucked up things in the name of love, but always for the benefit of those he loves. When he screws up, which he obviously does, it’s painful to us as the audience because we see that it is painful for him when he recognizes and regrets it.

I have never seen Mary regret anything. Those crocodile tears at Christmas? More manipulation. Inconsistent with anything else we were shown about her as a character.

To even think for a SECOND that people could ship Mary and John and mentally condemn John for cheating on Mary AFTER SHE SHOT HIS BEST FRIEND...as if marriage is the be-all-end-all free pass in which every sin must be forgiven until the end of time...as if John broke any covenant with his wife beyond those she broke from the very moment she walked into his life *with an entire fake past.* Is just. Well. It's asking us to accept gaslighting as healthy, loving, normal, *preferable* behavior, so...given the source that message is coming from, it's all a bit meta.

THAT. Is insanity. Maybe Mofftiss are the sociopaths.

How these men could write characters they themselves understand so little (or tell us they understand so little because their emotional maturity has yet to surpass that of the average three-year-old’s), I will never know. I can only imagine that they have absorbed, by osmosis over their lives, real and nuanced human behavior...then churned it back out again in their writing unaware, a bit like psychopaths who teach themselves what "normal" people do so that they can pass as psychologically sound in regular society.

Remember, we *are* talking about men who do these sorts of things:

Moffat says that Sherlock is celibate and that people who claim he's misogynistic when he does things like make Irene Adler imply she's attracted to the detective (even though she's a lesbian) are, ironically, "deeply offensive" (despite lines like "look at us both" in Battersea. We aren't your therapists, Moffat--we don't care what you meant, we care what you said, and what you *said* was clear. *Implying* it does not let you off the hook).

Gatiss has proclaimed that "I find flirting with the homoeroticism in Sherlock much more interesting" than the idea of ever making a show addressing LGBT issues. (That link is to a reddit forum, and I can't find the original interview anymore, but I assure you I had seen the actual article myself ages back and can't find it online again now along with some of the Martin quotes I wanted to link to. And nevermind what Gatiss has done with LGBT shows/issues since--my focus here is on what he has said, versus what he and Moffat have since claimed regarding their queerbaiting.)

Here’s a transcript of this screenshot:

"...many people come up and say they didn't realise." Despite this lack of public awareness, being part of the gay community is clearly important to Gatiss: "The older I get the more I want to give something back. I mean, I keep meaning to do something." When asked if he'd be interested in making a series about gay issues his response was enlightening:

"No, I don't think I'd make a kind of gay programme. It's much more interesting when it's not about a single issue. And equally, I find flirting with the homoeroticism in Sherlock much more interesting. Of course this reflects the grand picture of everyone's strange make-up; there are good gay people and bad gay people. I wouldn't like to make an issue film around the culture of being gay."

Instead Gatiss' interest seems to lie in making a drama where sexuality is, if not mundane, part of the wider framework: "I'd quite like to do something about a quite happy, ordinary gay person who's just incidentally gay. For example, a three-part thriller for ITV where the lead character just happens to be gay; when they finally go home, say 45 minutes in, and they had a same sex partner. That to me would be genuinely progressive. It wouldn't be a three-part gay thriller for ITV. It would be that this character just happened to be gay."

--End article quote.

And instead, who is canonically gay in the series? Well, Irene Adler. The innkeepers at the Cross Keys. And perhaps most notably, the *villains*, because that's a helpful trope: Moriarty and Eurus are, in S4, both implied to be at least bisexual.

Any character should be able to be any sexuality, this is true. But can we have some main characters, the good guys, give some good representation? Can't we start making that the standard, rather than the villains and the background characters? Because so far, that is the exception and not the rule.

Writers need to be aware of the damage they are perpetuating. We are not quite in a world yet where any character should be able to be any sexuality but isn't, yet we have no problem with saying the villain is LGBT+ or looks different/functions differently than much of the viewing audience.

"Male friendship is important and valid, not everything has to be gay"--this is a popular point with casual heterosexual viewers (and, to my chagrin, some of my LGBT+ friends) who don't fully grasp what "queerbaiting" is, often even when it's pointed out to them.

The lens of heterosexuality is real. My first time through watching BBC Sherlock, I didn't see the Johnlock at all. I had to look for it and read about it. When I saw it, the lens was lifted for me, and it changed my life and the way I view things forever (and for the best).

But back to my point about how little Mofftiss seem to understand their own story/most ardent fans, and then on to my other theory: in S4 it must be that they dropped their “psychopaths emulating empathy” act and indulged in their own "insane wish fulfillment" by doing away with all of the meaning, continuity, and sense. Right?

So, here’s the alternate theory. One which is not, please remember, in their defense.

Remember that S4 is what Mofftiss are *happy* to have us believe is what they'd do with these characters, given the chance to do whatever they wanted. I repeat, in Moffat’s own words: “Insane wish fulfillment.”

Okay I get it, this pasta has been over-salted.

Without further delay: MY COPYRIGHT RESEARCH THEORY THAT EVEN I DON'T PUT MUCH STOCK IN AND WHICH DOESN’T MAKE UP FOR THEIR CRUELTY EVEN IF TRUE

Part of me also raises an eyebrow at S4 as perhaps an example of the effect of the Conan Doyle estate on any modern production in the US. While it’s true that all of Sherlock is part of public domain in the UK and has been for quite a long time, Gatiss and Moffat still talk about it being partially under copyright. Specifically, the last 10 stories. I’m supposing that this means that because Sherlock airs internationally, or due to whatever contract the BBC has with the Doyle estate, they are still limited by the copyright as to what they can “publish”.

The Doyle estate is known for being a pain in the ass when it comes to abiding by copyright law as everyone else knows and practices it. They’ve tried to argue, for example (in 2013 and, much more recently, with the advent of Enola Holmes), that because Holmes and Watson were not fully developed as their final selves until the conclusion of all 10 stories still under copyright, then perhaps the characters themselves should still be protected, basically, in full.

It’s true that certain elements of the remaining stories are still under copyright here in the US (Watson had more than one wife--uh huh, we have that to look forward to, Johnlockers; the Garridebs moment is still under copyright--yeah, I’m getting to that too; and Sherlock didn’t care much for dogs til later so that’s not allowed either, fuck off Redbeard), but the estate’s problem in 2013 seemed to be based around a fear that *gasp* some day--if not right now!--anyone could write a Sherlock Holmes story in any way they pleased, changing the characters however they wished to and giving those characters “multiple personalities.”

See the following excerpt from the Estate’s case:

“...at any given point in their fictional lives, the two men's characters depend on the Ten Stories. It is impossible to split the characters into public domain versions and complete versions.”

(Click for full transcript.)

Obviously, by this point, that’s been done in multiple iterations. So I dunno. Their argument was *more* than muddy to begin with--they just grasp at straws to stay in control, it seems.

But okay. Backing up: wasn’t there sort-of a Garridebs moment in S4?!?? you cry. Yep. But imagine this: the Conan Doyle estate taking Mofftiss to court to argue that they depicted the Garridebs moment--a moment still under copyright--in The Final Problem.

Did they, though? Did they really?

The fandom cried out about the ridiculousness--the utter disappointment--of that moment when it was shown. It was not what we would have expected/wanted. We didn’t see John injured, Sherlock reacting with tender outrage to the good doctor’s attacker.

Instead we saw some ludicrous BS that was as bad as the clown with the sword-gun-umbrella. More of that.

I think Martin probably found that it was easy to produce real tears when he thought about how fucking terrible the S4 scripts were.

Ahem. Yet, this all seems very Mofftiss-flavored in terms of humor.

I can all-too-easily imagine them saying, “HA. We’re going to show some of these supposedly copyrighted things--and if they take us to court, they’ll be laughed out of the room.” Could that explain some of the overall S4 fuckery?

Sherlock wasn’t supposed to like dogs til later stories, as previously mentioned-- is that why Redbeard pulled a “Cinderella’s carriage” and transformed into a pumpkin (Victor Trevor)? Hmm. Sigh.

It...doesn’t actually appear that the estate has any qualms about taking laughable stuff to court, I mean...*shrug.* They have the money to do it, and money is the name of the game, because you’ve got to pay for rights (cha-ching sounds).

Yep, it does seem that the estate is open to the copyrighted materials being made reality, but who knows for what price or with what caveats. The BBC isn’t, so far as I’ve ever heard, known for throwing money around. Early Doctor Who would be so much less entertaining if they’d had any sort of budget. (And in fact, more of the older episodes would exist, but apparently the BBC--in part to cut costs--reused some of their tapes.)

My bottom-line bitter is this: Mofftiss do like to amuse themselves. To please themselves and no one else, as they’ve shown time and again. Sure, they could do whatever they wanted with S4...and they did...but they were also cruel about it, and that’s what I’ll never forgive them--OR the BBC--for.

A lot of fans gave up after series 4. I was very nearly one of them. I was angry, like just about every other Johnlocker and/or TJLCer, but I was really truly heartbroken. I couldn’t look at fanfiction. My days were full of bitterness and I keenly felt the lack of the fandom outlet that had become so essential to my mental well-being. I didn't know how to overcome the disparity between TJLC and what the show actually was. I didn't know how to separate the things I loved so much from the shitty writers and the way the BBC handled things with their whole response letter (that atrocious, childish blanket response they sent to everyone who complained about S4, not just the Johnlockers/TJLCers. Related to your complaint or not, if you filed one post-S4, this was the response you got). I still boycott BBC shows/merchandise, just by the way.

I tried to link to the blanket response letter but the link didn’t want to work (it’s an old reddit post; I had difficulty finding a copy of the letter elsewhere though at one point it wasn’t so hard...Google is weird these days y’all...tell me it’s not just me) so here’s a screenshot:

Transcript:

“Thank you for contacting us about “Sherlock”.

The BBC and Hartswood Films have received feedback from some viewers who were disappointed there was not a romantic resolution to the relationship between Sherlcok and John in the finale of the latest season of “Sherlock”.

We are aware that the majority of this feedback uses the same text posted on websites and circulated on social media.

Through four series and thirteen episodes, Sherlock and John have never shown any romantic or sexual interest in each other. Furthermore, whenever the creators of “Sherlock” have been asked by fans if the relationship might develop in that direction, they have always made it clear that it would not.

Sherlock’s writers, cast and producers have long been firm and vocal supporters of LGBT rights.

The BBC does not accept the allegations leveled at “Sherlock” or its writers, and we wholeheartedly support the creative freedom of the writers to develop the story as they see fit.

We will of course register your disappointment.

Thank you for contacting us.

Kind Regards,

BBC Complaints Team

So how about that? *Did* they “register our disappointment”? We can actually check that. The BBC’s website has a monthly summary of complaints received. So what did they receive in January 2017, the month S4 aired?

Huh, what do you know. Sounds like that blanket response was exactly the “fuck you” it came across as.

But the show--the FANDOM--had filled a need in my life, and so I had to own that and make it mine, or just...let something in me die: something that felt like an actual vital organ. I had to decide that these characters mean something to me beyond what anyone else tells me they should. I had to accept my own perceptions as truth, as I do with everything else in my life. I had to overcome the idea of canon as law (BBC Sherlock isn't canon anyway; ACD is canon. BBC Sherlock is, in the end, badly written fanfiction--or--worse?--decent pre-slash fanfiction distorted by consistent lies and the hazing of the LGBT audience, topped with the dumpster fire of S4′s incoherent nonsense).

I had to take the good and throw away the bad, just like anyone else who chose to stay. The good bits of the show...dialogue, yes. Plot points, yes. These awful writers did write some good stuff sometimes.

They just broke all the unspoken rules of what not to do to your audience. And then did and said everything they could not to apologize, and to justify their own failings. Which, in the years since I began shipping queer ships beyond any others, I have unfortunately experienced more than once.

So, my vulnerability has been yeeted into the vacuum of broke-my-trustdom: no one can tell me what things should mean to me. I will decide.

I decide that all of the FUCKING AMAZING writing in the Sherlock fandom is a staple in my life that makes it worth living. And that that's okay. And takes precedence over anything the writers or anyone else associated with the show could ever say or do.

Johnlock can not be taken away. It doesn't belong to them. It never did, even if they brought us to it. It belongs to us. To the group of amazingly creative, brainy, empathetic, resourceful, vibrant, resilient people who make up this fandom.

So thank YOU, all of YOU, for giving me Sherlock, Johnlock, and TJLC.

I am SO SAD for those who never found a way to make peace with this fandom again. Let me just say that I understand that inability entirely.

I am fortunate that I found the ability in myself to cling to the joy (something it has taken my whole life to be able to do). I hope others will who haven’t yet but wish they could.

Let Mofftiss and whoever sides with them stay angry and bitter and vicious, always looking over their shoulders for anyone who dares to whisper about subtext.

I’m proud to be part of what they’re whispering so angrily about.

Thanks for sticking it out if you made it this far. I know this was very self-indulgent and rambly.

Articles of interest:

A Study in Queerbaiting (Or How Sherlock Got it All Wrong) by Marty Greyson

“We never played it like that.” - Martin on Johnlock

Henry Cavill on the Enola Holmes lawsuit

More on that--and by the way Sherlock isn’t allowed to like dogs

The way Sherlock creators told fans Sherlock & John aren’t gay is so rude

Especially for those new to the fandom who may not know the distinction between TJLC and Johnlockers and want to know more about TJLC's evolution/what it is/meta through the years

Moffat's view on asexuality, offensive to me in particular *as* an asexual person (same article where he claims he isn't misogynistic): "If he was asexual, there would be no tension in that, no fun in that – it's someone who abstains who's interesting."

Yet he says Sherlock isn't gay or straight and that he's trying to keep his brain pure which is a "very Victorian attitude"

(Nice historical research there, Moff--actually the Victorians were sex-positive).

Sherlock fans were robbed of the gay ending they deserved

Benedict Cumberbatch has lashed out at his Sherlock co-star Martin Freeman over his negative attitude towards fans

BBC complaints January 2017

Martin Freeman: 'Sherlock is gayest story ever'

From 2016: UNPOPULAR OPINION: "Sherlock" Isn't Sexist or Queerbaiting; It's Actually Trying to Stage a Revolution

Queer-baiting on the BBC's Sherlock: Addressing the Invalidation of Queer Identities through Online Fan Fiction Communities by Cassidy Sheehan

[wunderlass]

I’m feeling so deflated to be writing this post. S1 had its flaws but those could be placed at the feet of a freshman showrunner who could learn from her mistakes going into S2 and up her game. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, and S2 was a mess.

S1 had a clear central plotline: the mystery of Rosa’s death, leading to justice in the form of Noah’s death and Rosa’s resurrection. S2’s central plotline was…um. The kidnappings? Leading into the plot to blow up Crashcon? I think? But there was so much other stuff gong on it’s hard to tell.

Carina – if you happen to come stumbling into the tags for reactions – you’ve already acknowledged that you struggle to edit your scripts down for length. And it does show in the finished product. But you also struggle to edit your ideas down to fit into the episode count you have. There were too many extraneous plot threads this season, too many guest characters, and the ideas you had were shoddily and sloppily executed.

There were shining moments scattered here and there and the occasional good episode, but for the most part this season lurched from badly paced episode to badly paced episode. Stuff was crammed into each episode and yet somehow the plot also treaded water until 2x11 when it all kicked off – and this was because so much of what happened in the earlier episodes didn’t feed into the main plot. Even Max’s death, the overarching motivation for many characters at the beginning, was shoved to the side for other ideas.

And the payoffs for each of these storylines was too often underwhelming. Max can’t come back because he’ll be full of dark energy and a destructive force! Resolved in 30 seconds by him blowing up a pile of stuff. Max can’t remember Liz! Fixed in the same episode. That pattern continued with the finale feeling like it was trying to wrap up all these storylines without really having a story of its own. The various cliffhangers from Crashcon were tied up before the title card and then let’s spend the next 40 minutes treading water again.

There were good moments in the finale. Max and Isobel’s discussion, the Maneforrest kiss, Rosa and Helena’s reunion. But as for the rest? Hear me whine:

-          Jesse’s death was anticlimactic. His line about “no more Manes men” makes no sense given as far as he knew Flint (and maybe Clay?) is still alive. His death should have been poetic because one of his son’s killed him but it didn’t hold the weight it should have, possibly because it came so early in the episode.

-          It would have been far better if Jesse had discovered that Harlan killed Tripp and buried him beneath the shed. How awful would it have been for his entire worldview to be shaken by that revelation? How perfect would it have been if he discovered that Tripp loved Nora? If he died after learning all of that, becoming desperate and sloppy in whatever scheme he was trying to pull off (self-immolation via the bomb?), it would have been a fitting ending.

-          So many characters this season were badly served. Alex, Michael, and to a lesser extent Max, had real arcs and progression. Alex especially you can see them setting up his growth for a payoff in the finale. 

-          Kyle was shafted, shoved to the side for the Steph storyline that didn’t feel like it was going anywhere, and I suspect we got a lot of that cut away to make room for other stories.

-          Rosa’s story started off strong and then mostly got tied into rehab or helping Isobel. Them having her out and about in public in Roswell is complete nonsense.

-          Max had a line for Isobel about her becoming her “entire self” this season, and that rang false to me. We’ve only seen Isobel develop her powers. Her personality has shifted each episode, fractured and inconsistent, dependant on what the writers needed her to do. She didn’t get much of a storyline of her own – the abortion was redundant, serving as a political soapbox for Carina rather than anything that served the character – and while she’s found out more about her heritage, that’s never been as important as Michael or Max finding out about theirs. She said she wanted to become more like her mother and that never went anywhere.

-          I was so hopeful that Carina had listened and understood the criticisms with Maria’s handling in S1 and worked to improve it. She certainly gave her increased screentime. Except, so much of that screentime was tied into Michael, and latterly Isobel. She lacked interactions with Liz or Rosa. She was in two whole scenes in the finale and after she broke up with Michael, she disappeared from the story, and if that doesn’t say it all…

-          And that break-up was contrived bullshit. I’m not saying this as a shipper. It felt like they’d planned to have them break-up in the finale and wrote it even though the motivations hadn’t been properly established. Seeds were sown but they were communicating well as a couple and resolving their issues as they went along. Suddenly those issues got un-resolved and were enough to break them up.

-          The most galling part is that so much of what follows comes from Tripp’s diary, and Maria is excluded. This is her story too! Louise was her great-grandmother! Rather than sitting around her in the hospital room reading this stuff, they do it in the Crashdown.

-          Which fits the pattern of what’s happened all season. Maria found out she was part alien and it was about her powers, rather than her legacy, rather than what happened to her great-grandparents.

-          And it became clear that it was done so they could do the Nora/Tripp and Malex parallel.

-          Which completely solidifies for me where Carina’s priorities lie. She’s been clear that Malex is her favourite ship on the show and Michael is her favourite character. But this season has shown that she’s incapable of ensuring her favouritism doesn’t screw over other characters.

-          The sad thing is this really does show up in marketing. Carina always pushes and praises Vlamis and barely ever mentions Jeanine on her SM. Media outlets write about Malex as the centre of the show and they aren’t supposed to be. We have a sci-fi show with a Latina leading lady and nobody cares – not the showrunner, not the media (outside of Latinx-centric publications), not the fandom. I’m not Latina and it frustrates me so I can’t imagine how actual Latinx people feel about that.

-          Maria was dragged into a love triangle that Carina never had any intention of doing justice to. Maria and Michael were always only ever meant to be a pit-stop on the way to a big Malex reunion. Sadly it’s clear the same goes for Maneforrest. Why write something if you’re only going to do it half-arsed? And it clearly was. That’s why the Maria and Michael break-up was so perfunctory and illogical.

-          While I’m on the subject of Maria – last season Mimi was clearly deteriorating and didn’t recognise adult Maria anyway. Now that seems to have shifted to Mimi’s mind moving through time. It’s still unclear if this is the alien DNA or what was done to Patricia Deluca in Caulfield. I don’t understand why they introduced both elements – apart from being able to give Maria a line about unethical science which OH BOY what a contrast with Liz.

-          Speaking of Liz.

-          Wow.

-          If the central storyline was the kidnappings and Crashcon shenanigans, she really had no involvement with that all season apart from the very end. All the investigation went to other characters. Her mother was involved, but not Liz.

-          Let me repeat that.

-          Our lead character was not involved the central storyline of the season.

-          Alternatively, if you think Max learning about his history, and all of the reveals about 1948, and Maria’s heritage etc etc were supposed to be the main storyline…

-          Doesn’t matter because Liz wasn’t involved in any of that either!

-          Liz was a subplot in her own show after they brought Max back. Hell, she was a subplot even when she was working on that.

-          The narrative focus really has centred on Michael, Alex, and later Max.

-          I wonder what they have in common with each other.

-          If you don’t believe me, check out the screentime figures for this season. Liz had the fourth largest amount of screentime in the finale, and she’s only had majority screentime in a handful of episodes all season (2x01, 2x07, 2x11).

-          And then realise that the plot kept moving after Liz left Roswell. She’s just not part of it anymore.

-          I watched the finale and kept asking myself where Liz was because she kept disappearing for whole chunks of time.

-          She was in her own subplot about science for the back half of this season, and honestly, I’m going to have to write an entirely separate post about Liz and ethics in science because NOPE.

-          Max was right. Liz deserved to follow her calling but she had options that didn’t involve risking the aliens.

-          As such the Echo break-up was stupid but whatever, based on this season I guess it needed to happen.

-          Did Max even care that Liz left? He loved her for twenty years and then when he had her, it didn’t matter anymore? What the fuck? Are we ever going to get answers as to why he fell so hard and loved her for so long, or is the “Malex is cosmic” story more important?

-          Also the whole thing about the Genericorp lady not being interested in Liz based on meeting her at the Crashdown was stupid. You hire scientists based on the previous work they’ve done and their credentials. Diego’s word should have been enough to convince her, and then maybe an actual proper job interview to make sure she was a good fit. Not “let’s sneak into her secret lab to look at what she’s working on”.

-          When Liz does leave, she only says goodbye to Rosa and Kyle. Arturo is mentioned but not seen. Which means the whole ICE sequence this season, which should have been a solid motivation for Liz to take the Genericorp job on its own, has been resolved without a proper payoff. All that stress – scenes that I know felt genuinely stressful to some viewers because of how close to home it hit – and we don’t even get to see Arturo seeing his “genius daughter” leave with his future secured.

-          It’s plausible that Liz said goodbye to other characters – Maria, Isobel, Michael – off screen BUT SHE’S YOUR LEAD CHARACTER AND HER LEAVING TOWN SHOULD CARRY SOME EMOTIONAL WEIGHT FFS

-          Compare Liz leaving and arriving at the ocean to Buffy Summers leaving Sunnydale in Becoming Part 2. There is no contest.

-          It’s clear to me that the audience Carina writes this show for is herself. And that’s fine. Plenty of writers do that. But that means she’s writing a show for the women in fandom who like epic mlm romances with lots of angst. And the problem with that is that this show has a Latina lead who is not being done justice.

-          This is not me railing against Malex. There is space in the show for both things. This is me expressing my frustration at a showrunner and creative team who are not taking care with all characters equally.

-          Carina uses her platform to throw in politics and use characters as mouthpieces without considering their impact. She thinks she’s educating the straight white people in the audience without thinking about how scenes of ICE intimidation, homophobic violence, and racism will affect the people who are impacted by those things in real life.

-          Am I done with the show? Probably not. I’ve got fics I want to write and while I’m not hubristic enough to think I can write better than a team of professional writers, I’m going to at least try and do some of these neglected elements of the show justice.

-          Hubris. Remember when I thought that was going to be a theme of this season? Apparently not. There was no theme, unless “no editing, we die like men” counts..

[puddygeeks]

Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 48: Hᴇᴀʀᴛs Tʀᴜᴇ Dᴇsɪʀᴇ

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Chapter Forty-Eight

It took a couple of days for things to return to normal in camp and for my hickies to heal enough to show my face without feeling constantly self conscious. Knox made a few offhand comments about Bellamy during our shifts and I apologised for his recent intimidating behaviour. I avoided our friends for fear of any snide comments and Bellamy slipped back into his strangely inconsistent habits. 

After my shift in the kitchens, I wandered across the courtyard but my attention was caught by the sound of a nearby conversation. I paused in place to witness Mel chatting to Bellamy again and I recognised that neither of them had noticed me from the angle that I was standing in. She had her hand placed comfortably on his forearm and they were both laughing in a relaxed state. My stomach flipped with annoyance, despite my best efforts to deny it and I felt my jaw clench as I observed her making doe eyes at him. I tried to remind myself that he chose to take me back to his room every night and of all the small, attentive acts that he did daily to make my heart flutter, but they weren’t enough to remove the uneasy feeling in my chest. I rolled my eyes and dragged myself away to prevent my mind from torturing me any further. 

I found a spot near the hustle of the mechanical building to settle and work through the notes that I’d taken from my lessons with Octavia. Recently I felt that I was finally starting to grasp some parts of Trig, but it required consistent work to maintain it in my head and I had discovered that the rhythmic noises of tools helped me to focus. I heard footsteps approaching but kept my eyes trained on my papers in the hope that whoever it was would take the hint to leave me alone.

“There you are Trouble.” I recognised the gruff tone of Bellamy’s voice immediately and glanced up to find him smiling at me warmly. “Kane’s called a meeting to discuss more trips to Mount Weather for supplies, thought you’d want to know.” He stated and I raised my brows in interest. “Yeah, hopefully it won’t drag on for hours again, but if it does I’ll see you back at the room?” He added with a disinterested groan and I sympathised with his responsibility to attend.

“Damn, looks like I’ll have to tuck myself in.” I crooned with a playful expression and he chuckled lightly in a way that I adored the sound of.

“Where have you been all day anyway? I didn’t see you leave your shift.” He questioned and I was surprised that he’d even noticed the slight change in my routine. Most days lately we passed each other in camp as I moved from one commitment to the other and he’d usually throw me a cheeky wink or even slyly make an inappropriate comment if he got close enough.

“Oh, just thought I’d get some study time in.” I confirmed but he simply raised a brow at me suspiciously. “I did pass you in the courtyard earlier, but you were chatting to Mel. I thought I’d give you guys a chance to catch up.” I commented in what I hoped sounded like an idle manner and he shifted on the spot. 

“Ah, yeah she caught me for a while there.” He remarked and I concentrated heavily on maintaining a carefree posture. “She’s a nice girl, just very young. I think she’s still got a lot of training to do before I’d take her out as part of the guard.” He thought aloud and I nodded as I stared at my papers avoidantly.

“Hmm, she’ll be disappointed to be left behind. Be careful with that one.” I muttered absent mindedly and my stomach flipped as soon as the words left my mouth. He furrowed his brows at me and I cleared my throat to give myself a moment to consider my words. “Just...don’t lead her on, like you said, she’s young.” I advised with a shrug and he widened his eyes at me.

“Seriously Indie?” He drawled and I held my hands out defensively. “Look, I saved her life when she crashed to Earth, so she looks up to me. She’s another student for me to train, that’s all.” He detailed with a disbelieving tone to his voice, causing me to sigh.

“Are you sure that she knows that?” I asked as I peeked up at him and he analysed me with a slight smirk in the corner of his lips. Already, I regretted initiating this conversation and I found it difficult to discuss whilst still maintaining the casual attitude that I’d been insistent on since we started sleeping together.

“Are you jealous?” He suggested in a low growl and I scoffed in annoyance. “I did offer to train you, it’s not too late to switch classes. You can be my teacher’s pet.” He winked and I shook my head in disapproval at his continued teasing.

“No, I’m not jealous, you can do whatever you want. I’m just offering you some advice; let her down lightly so you don’t break a young girl's heart, take it or leave it.” I explained with a frustration that was evident as I shot to my feet and began to gather my things.

“It’s not like that.” He sighed in a defensive manner and I paused in place to glance at him with exasperation.

“I’m telling you as a woman what I saw in her, she wants it. You used to be excellent at recognising that. But whatever you say Bel.” I chuckled bitterly as I threw him one last look. “I’ll see you after your meeting.” I stated as I placed a chaste kiss on his cheek and left him rooted to the spot in confusion.

For a while, I managed to study in peace in the back of the mechanical building, until I was kicked out by people who needed to use the room. It was almost impossible to concentrate with the building frustration in my mind and I struggled to channel the feeling into anything beneficial. After several attempts to find something to distract myself, I received a message from Raven requesting my assistance with something.

“Hey! Octavia said you were trying to build muscle, right?” She spoke in a rushed way as she opened the door to allow me into her workshop and pulled me inside. I nodded hesitantly and she guided me to a metal structure that made absolutely no sense to me, beside the familiar Rover we’d just recovered. “Awesome, I have a proposal that will be mutually beneficial in that case. I need to install some upgrades but I can’t get around that easily with my bitch of a leg. Can you lift shit for me?” She asked and I noticed the slightest hint of vulnerability in her eyes. It was the first time that she had requested assistance with her injury from me and it felt strange to address the thing that we’d fallen into a routine of pretending hadn’t changed. I knew that admitting she needed help was practically agonising to Raven and felt honoured that she was able to confide in me.

“Of course, but you need to remember that I am, in fact, an idiot. So I’ll need very specific instructions on what you want me to do.” I remarked with a playful expression and was glad to notice that her shoulders visibly relaxed. We fell into an easy companionship as she worked whilst I strained to hold things in place and chatted in the same comfortable way that we always had.

“So, what do you think will come of this big leader meeting your man’s in?” She called from under the car and I sighed thoughtfully. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than sitting in a room full of self important people discussing every minor decision for our camp. It seemed simpler in the days at the dropship, where if something needed to be done we simply took action. I was unsure if the introduction of laws and politics was as beneficial as the leadership believed.

“I don’t know, bunch of political nonsense. I bet Bellamy’s struggling to even stay awake in there.” I commented lightly, imagining him dozing off at the end of the table and I heard Raven hum in agreement.

“Well, looks like he had some comfort before he went in.” She stated in a voice that I recognised well as bait and so I held my tongue. When I didn’t answer, she slid out from the car to examine me in annoyance. “I caught Mel flirting with him pretty hard outside the meeting room. She’s getting her claws right in.” She spat before she got to her feet and dusted herself off. The work space was so large that our voices echoed around it and I was glad that it was just the two of us here with the sharpness of her words.

“Ugh, that poor girl.” I groaned and Raven whipped around to face me as if I’d just grown another head. “I told him to let her down gently before she gets her feelings hurt.” I revealed as I rubbed my forehead in stress and she dropped into a seat to examine me with a riveted interest.

“And? What did he say?” She breathed with a fire burning in her eyes and I couldn’t help a slight snigger at the ridiculous reaction. Recently, it felt as if the budding romance between Bellamy and I was her favourite topic and although I appreciated her support, I couldn’t help finding her enthusiasm bizarre at times.

“He doesn’t think she’s flirting. He says she just looks up to him like the others, or she’s just friendly because she’s grateful to him.” I sighed as I settled into a seat opposite her and she threw her hands up in exaggeration. “I’ve never known him to be so blind to a girl's interest before.” I muttered with a groan and I tried to force the bitter feelings to the back of my mind before they could wander out of my mouth.

“That’s because he only has eyes for you.” She crooned in a mocking tone as she batted her lashes at me and I reached out to slap her playfully on the arm. “Doesn’t it bug you? Seriously, I’m worried. I know you were afraid before all this almost dying stuff, about him losing interest? I don’t want you to be pushed to the point of a nervous breakdown by this random chick.” She dropped her voice to one of genuine concern and I smiled warmly at her ill guided compassion. 

“Before everything went down, yes I was. But I already had my nervous breakdown Raven, I’m tapped. Seriously, thinking that you’ll never see someone again kind of changes your priorities.” I explained as she watched me with blatant sympathy. “The way I see it now, Bellamy will do whatever it is that he wants to do. If he wants to fuck some other girl, he’ll do it whether I worry about it or not, so I’m not gonna worry about it. I’m just gonna enjoy whatever we have for as long as it lasts, cause I don’t want to waste a single second of it.” I elaborated and she scoffed as she viewed me with a sense of utter disbelief.

“You’re telling me that you’re just switching your ‘give a shit’ off?” She breathed as she crossed her arms and I sighed as I tried to think of a better way to explain my stance. I shuffled on my seat and rubbed at my temples as she observed my expectantly.

“I’m not switching it off. It was only weeks ago that I thought he was dead and I spent almost all of my time crying.” I revealed and she softened her face. “I reflected a lot on everything I’d learned and I know that Bellamy is the kind of guy who likes the chase. From what I’ve seen, he’s not big on the whole commitment thing and I don’t need it. I’m all too aware that things can change in a heartbeat and honestly, I’m just happy every time that he comes back from a mission alive. I’m glad that I get the chance to see that smile that makes my knees go weak and my heart beat so fast that I think it might explode.” I confessed and Raven smiled smugly.

“Girl, you’ve got it bad!” She laughed and I felt as if I had opened a door that I couldn’t close. The relief of being honest with her was so addictive that the words just continued to flow out of my mouth and the memory of him and Mel talking filled my mind, causing a surge of bitterness.

“I know! God I know.” I breathed as I ran my hands through my hair in a gesture of stress. “Who am I kidding with this whole chilled out act? Part of me wants to find that girl and go full grounder on her ass, tell her that if she even thinks about touching Bellamy I’ll beat her face in.” I growled and Raven whooped in support of this idea. “On the inside, even thinking about him with anyone else kills me, but then I remember how fucking grateful I am that he’s alive and I realise that I’d suffer through anything if it meant that he was happy.” I clarified and she pursed her lips at me with enjoyment.

“I’m pretty confident that he feels the same.” She commented and although I noticed that she didn’t seem to be smiling directly at me, I was too deep in thought to question it. She opened her mouth to speak again but I couldn’t stop the flow of feelings that I needed to speak aloud.

“Maybe, I guess only time will tell. For now, all I know is that I can barely think straight every time he compliments me, or does that thing where he shakes his head and looks at the ground when he laughs. You know, I dream about him, his freckles, the way his eyes glisten when he smiles, or how he runs his hand through his hair when he’s concentrating. I thought that after a while things would calm down, but Raven, every kiss makes my head spin like the first.” I rambled in an emotion charged blur. She watched me with a steadily growing satisfaction as I bared my soul to her and I only paused to sigh. “I’m pretty prepared for the idea that he doesn’t feel the same way, but that's okay. Because if I can just keep him in my life for as long as humanly possible, I’m willing to accept that.” I divulged with a final deep breath as I dropped my shoulders dramatically and finally felt a sense of peace that I hadn’t realised I sorely needed.

“You know, I really think you’d be surprised by how wrong you are about that.” She stated calmly despite an excitement shining in her eyes and I furrowed my brows at her in confusion.

“How can you be so sure?” I enquired with a heavy feeling of insecurity and a delighted smile spread across her lips at my question.

“Oh, just the little fact that he’s standing right behind you and he looks like he’s just won the jackpot, not running for the hills.” She revealed with a blatant enjoyment and I felt my face drop to one of pure horror. I prayed with all of my might that she was simply playing a cruel prank. I was too mortified to turn around to investigate and before I could muster up the courage, I heard a deep voice clear their throat behind me. I felt like my stomach was about to drop out of my body as I closed my eyes in a grimace and heard Raven stand. “I’ll leave you two to talk.” She commented calmly.

I remained frozen on the spot with my eyes firmly closed in an effort to shield myself from the reality of my mistake and heard Bellamy carefully approaching to shatter the hopes of my ‘I can't see you, you can’t see me’ logic. There was a feeling of dread that crept down my spine as I sensed his gaze burning into me and I took a deep breath before forcing myself to look at him. His eyes sparkled with a mixture of amusement and exhilaration, and I gulped nervously whilst my mind desperately strained for something to say. I fiddled with the zip on my jacket and my skin burned with humiliation.

“H-how much of that did you hear?” I stuttered as I peeked at him and squirmed in anticipation. My words repeated in my mind and as I reviewed all the things that he’d potentially overhead that I would rather chop off a limb than say to him, I felt like my heart might stop.

“All of it.” He breathed with a sly smile and I felt my heart skip a beat as I groaned. I felt a wave of nausea wash over me and thought that I would give anything for the chance to take it all back. Terror flooded my veins at the idea that the blissful bubble we’d existed in until now could be about to burst and I steeled myself for the potential heartbreak.

“Is there...any chance that you can just forget that you heard any of it?” I suggested with shaking hands and he did the exact thing that I’d just proclaimed my love for: chuckled lightly as he shook his head and gradually returned his gaze to me with a smile that made my head spin. “Cool, perfect. Well, if you didn’t specifically need me for anything, I’m gonna go blow my brains out.” I remarked with my hands in my pockets and I avoided meeting his eyes as I moved to stride away. I only managed a single step before he caught my arm and pulled me back to face him.

“Indie, don’t worry about it, it’s okay.” He stated as he studied me with an inscrutable expression and I was stressed by the action of locking eyes with him. I sighed as I shuffled on the spot and he reached out to place his hands on my shoulders. I couldn’t tell if he did this more as an act of comfort, or to prevent me from bolting, or maybe a combination of both. “You don’t have to be embarrassed with me. Was all that true?” He probed as he examined my face and I nodded reluctantly. “Why didn’t you say something sooner if it was bothering you so much?” He interrogated and I shrugged avoidantly.

“I don’t know, it seemed dumb.” I grumbled as I tried to push aside the urge to escape. I cleared my throat and decided that if we were going to have this conversation, I may as well say what I needed. “Why weren’t you just honest about Knox?” I enquired and Bellamy shrugged in defeat. This relieved some of the tension in the air as we acknowledged that we’d both played a part in creating this situation with our ridiculous behaviours and for a moment I broke into a smile as I viewed him. 

“You know that you don’t have to worry about me with Mel, or anyone else, right?” He suggested as I fixed him with a baffled expression. “I don’t need anything else when I have everything I want with you.” He admitted with a genuine tone and I scoffed in disbelief. He took my face in his hands to force me to meet his eyes and I was surprised by the intensity of his gaze. “I’m serious. You’re beautiful, funny, smart. You give me advice when I need it and you keep me going. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He confessed and I stared back at him with wide eyes. “I know you had a hard time in Mount Weather, Love, but you’re forgetting that whilst you were there, I lost you too. You're not the only one who had a reality check. I’ve had plenty of time to think and finally getting you back has made me realise that I don’t ever want to lose you again, not to anything.” He paused to bite his lip and I noticed a hint of vulnerability that he tried to conceal. “You’re my girl, I don’t want anyone to question that anymore, especially not you.” He emphasised and I felt a smile breaking through my concern.

“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Bellamy Blake?” I crooned with a warmth spreading in my chest as the reality of his words struck me. He tilted his head closer and I bit my lip with a rush of excitement.

“I’m not asking.” He drawled before he leaned in to finally kiss me. The moment that his lips touched mine, I felt a sense of relief and there was a peace that I had craved for longer than I had realised. Thanks to Raven’s gamble, I had security at last.

***

The tension that had been hanging over us completely dissipated over the past few weeks and although we’d been too busy to see much of each other, it didn’t cause any stress now that we knew where we stood. Bellamy had received a whole new batch of volunteers for the guard, which translated into far more frequent shifts for him with the recruits and my training with Octavia had ramped up a notch now that she was starting to see progress. Monty had somehow convinced Jasper to start taking some of his shifts back in mechanical, which was a relief as Monty was looking rather bedraggled recently. 

I’d used my new additional free time to either work on building muscle, or studying Trig. I was able to hold almost entire conversations in it now and although I still made the occasional mistake or found worlds that I hadn’t learned, I was proud of the new skill. It was a surprise to discover that Lincoln was slightly chattier in his native tongue and I’d come to appreciate our conversations more due to their infrequency. We bonded mostly over a joint protectiveness of Octavia, but I also enjoyed the quiet wisdom about him that I witnessed more now that he had moved into Arkadia. It was strange to see him living amongst us after our violent beginnings, but he seemed to be adapting well and fell into communicating with other campers far better than I ever would have expected. I was studying in the courtyard of camp, enjoying the cool spring sunshine when Monty rushed over.

“Hey Indie, have you seen Jasper?” He queried with blatant fear filling his face and something about his manner immediately put me on edge.

“No, I’m sorry.” I answered and he hissed in response. “I thought he was doing a shift today? Is everything okay?” I investigated as he shuffled on the spot with distress and I analysed him worriedly.

“He was, he didn’t turn up and I’ve only just heard. No one’s seen him all day and it’s been hours since he left dorms.” He confirmed with his brows deeply furrowed and I quickly got to my feet to assist.

“You want me to take this to Bel, get a search party out or are we keeping this on the down low?” I breathed as I felt his panic bleeding into me and my heart hammered in my chest.

“Let’s just keep it between us for now, I don’t want to get Jasper in trouble.” He muttered and I nodded obediently.

“Alright, let’s split up and meet back here if you can’t find him.” I suggested and we rushed apart in search of him.

I checked anywhere that I thought Jasper was likely to attend for fun first, in the vain hope that he may finally have felt like enjoying himself. When that failed, I had to acknowledge the painful thought that he may have gone somewhere quiet to harm himself and I felt an overpowering anxiety building in me as I searched the secluded areas where I thought it would be easiest to do this. I passed Monty in the mechanical building as we both seemed to have the same idea to investigate the unused rooms and abandoned corners. 

In one of the final rooms, I turned to leave when I noticed a boot out of the corner of my eye. I crouched down to examine it and discovered Jasper passed out under a table. I gasped as I neared him in terror and immediately checked for any sign of a pulse. An intense wave of relief washed over me as I confirmed that he was alive and I leaned closer to the door to call out.

“Monty! In here!” I cried, before returning to Jasper to pull him across my lap. I shook him until he responded as I became fearful that he could have overdosed and he groaned dramatically but didn’t seem to be able to wake. Monty stumbled into the room in a fluster and I smiled up at him. “I’ve got him.” I confirmed but Monty could clearly see the concern in my eyes as he glanced between me and Jasper, whose head flopped back in my arms.

“Ugh, he’s tanked.” Monty stated and as I turned to view him doubtfully, I noticed the empty flask further under the desk. “I’d recognise that look on him anywhere. Damn it, Jasper.” He growled with an evident frustration and I sighed in disappointment as I scooped up the evidence to hide in my pocket. “Can you help me get him back to dorms?” Monty asked with an embarrassed expression and I nodded in understanding.

“Of course, my love.” I answered as I got to my feet and we managed to hoist him between us with difficulty. He was barely conscious enough to manage to walk with some stern encouragement and his arms over our shoulders to keep him upright.

“You’re a mess, dude.” Monty scolded, but Jasper only managed an offended groan in response. Monty rolled his eyes and sighed. “I’m sorry about this Indie.” He mumbled awkwardly.

“Hey, it’s fine. Family isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, right?” I smiled encouragingly at him and he made his best effort to return it. 

[ultradiplr]

The Beast: Part 2

A Vampire!Sigma/Reader fic. - Part 1

Plot: You’ve charmed the Beast, but are you ready for what that entails?

Tags: Size Difference. Mentions of Blood/killing. Stalking-ish?(does it still count if Reader knows he’s there and is okay with it?) Slight voyeurism. Guilt. Reader is Gender Neutral.

A/N: Ayyyyy, TIme for some more Vampire!Sigma. Sorry this took so long, inspiration is a bitch lol

Xx

After the fog of his own doing had cleared from your mind that night and you had a moment to reflect, you knew instantly what he was.

 A Monster. A Beast. A Vampire.

For months after the ball you could swear you felt the piercing red eyes of Lord Siebren on you wherever you went. You couldn’t see them, but you swore they were there, sending shivers down your spine every time you passed a darkened alley, a dark corner of your house, or settled down into bed, his eyes felt like they were there, watching, waiting… hunting. The eyes of a predator on their prey, that’s what it  should feel like.

It should feel awful, uncomfortable, absolutely terrifying and yet it wasn’t. Dare say it was… so very… alluring, enthralling, and… god you didn’t know.

You spent many nights waking to the feeling of a presence in your room, shivers running up your spine from excitement. You lay awake waiting, hoping, that he’d make himself known to you, to say something, anything, but he never does. He’s just there. Patient. Quiet. Watching. Waiting. The morning light brought as much relief as it did disappointment, as you could feel yourself breath easily again in the lack of him and his terrifying, suffocating aura though a certain type of frustration you knew well filled you immediately after.

How many days has it been now that you pleasured yourself to the thought of him?

Hazy morning brain flooded with memories of his large cold hands, his bright, hungry red eyes, the sound of his sweet, smooth, honey voice, and his overwhelming build. Thoughts of him grabbing you by the hips, fingers digging into your skin, holding you, caressing you. A debased desire to have him fill you, to surround you, to hold and touch and kiss and… 

Your scarred hand tingles with the memory of him holding it and you held it close as your other snaked into your pants, rubbing yourself to the thought of him. Lord Siebren. His name tasted sweet on your tongue. Lord Siebren. You hoped that he could hear you, wherever he was hiding. Lord Siebren. His name got caught in your throat as you came, fast and sudden, like always, the intensity of your desire for him always catching you off guard.

You lay in bed, basking in the rising light through your window, staring into space and thinking about him. Wanting. Waiting. Hoping.

It takes every ounce of self control he can muster, which has slowly dried up as he’s come to “watch” you, not to come to your aid in those lonely mornings. His name on your lips as you find your pleasure, asking him, begging him to take you. That’s how he found you the first time, your call for him having reached out from deep in his mind and lead him to find you in the throws of self pleasure.

He wants to ease your frustration. Lord in heaven he wants to for he feels the same. But he’s afraid. Terrified. Of hurting you. Of taking advantage of you. Of devouring every last drop of life from you. It scares him, the idea of you being wiped from this earth because of him, but yet he lingers around you, watching, waiting, torturing himself.

And yes it is torture, being so near you with the memory of the meager taste of you on his lips, the memory of that night, of your warm body pressed against him as he lured you alone, the images he conjured up burned into his brain, it all tortured him and brought him nothing but pain as he continued to watch you. So close, yet so far.

He knew he was testing his limits like this, making it harder to control himself, but something was pulling him toward you again and again, pulling him out of his careful isolation longer and longer, away from the safety of his keep and into the dangerous day. Risking his life to see you, to hear you, alive and well, living and thriving, and glowing with bubbling life. Radiating warmth and light in his mind like the very sun you frolicked and lived under. Your smile, your voice, your skin, all beautiful and alluring to him.

 He didn’t know how, but he’d become infatuated with you and for the unlife of him he couldn’t wrap his head around it.

You wake up, as you always do, when the moon is highest, with the feeling of someone else there. It was a strange feeling, a mixture of familiarity from it becoming such a normal part of your life by now and reflexive alarm at knowing just what lay in the shadows of your room. You looked around, as you always do, but see nothing. As you always do.

You lay back down, a headache forming from the inconsistency on what you felt and what you saw. Nothing. You see nothing. But you knew he was there. Like when the creatures of the forest knows when a wolf lingers, or a storm is brewing, or a tree is about to fall. It was a sense, a sense you could not explain, even to yourself. A sense of impending danger. A sense of impending thrill. A sense of impending… it didn’t matter.

Nothing will come of this. Nothing. It made you frustrated.

“If you do not wish to do anything, then at least let me rest.” You say, staring up at the dark ceiling from your bed. “I am tired of this game.” your brows furrow with a grimace.

There was a long silence, a silence you were sure was going to continue, until a whispered voice answered you.

“It is not a game.” He says, his long awaited honey voice sending goosebumps over your skin but you scoff at the idea.

“If it is not a game, why do you play with me so.” You spit out at him, sitting up. “Why not just get it over with.”

His breath gets stuck in his throat at the question, “I do not want to hurt you.” He admits shakily. “I truly don’t.” he’s taking steps toward you without thinking, pulling himself out of that ghostly state and making himself known.

“Then don’t.” You stare at the darkness at the foot of your bed, for the first time ever, just barely make out a figure in the room, slowly coming toward you.

“It is not that simple.” His voice is clearer as he comes nearer. “It hungers for you, it won’t be satisfied until every last drop of life is stolen from you.”

A full body shiver takes you at the implication, but the heat is rising in you as well, why was that so… intoxicating. “And that is not what you desire?”

“No, god no.” His voice is wavering, and for the first time, a hand pale and clawed reaches for you from the darkness, illuminated by the moonlight, “I want so much more.” his hand is snatched back quickly, back into the darkness.

The sentence is laced with so much want, so much pain, it hits you hard and you have an overwhelming need to comfort him. You stand upon your knees and walk to the edge of the bed toward him, realizing for the first time how much he really looms over you.

“What do you want?” Your scarred hand reaches out and touches upon soft fabric covering his hard chest, no warmth, no beating of a heart, just a solid wall of person.

His own engulf yours, no glove now to mask him. His skin felt weird, soft and smooth but… wrong. Something that just made you cringe just a bit, like the uncanny valley of touch. 

“To possess you.” The words felt awful on his tongue, admitting to you what he could never admit to himself before. “Too keep you, to make you mine and only mine, to see you live for me.”

You looked at him confused, “Why is that worse?”

The question sounds so innocent to him, so full of ignorance, but he could not blame you, you did not know what you were touching, asking, wondering. He would have laughed if it did not make his unbeating heart clench.

He shook his head, “It is selfish, like a farmer keeps his animals, you’d be no more than a meal in waiting.” he tried to reason with himself, surely that was the only reason for a monster like him to want you.

You tried to search his face in the darkness but could only see his eyes, reflecting what little light there was, holding the same fear they had that night when he dragged himself away from you.

“I don’t believe that.” Your other hand touched his face, caressing his high cheek, “I don’t believe you’re as bad as you say you are.”

He was amazed by your words, amazed at how wrong they were, amazed at your… your… stupidity, naivete, your misplaced trust and desire.

He took a step back toward the darkness, threatening to disappear again, “It doesn’t matter what you believe, it’s the truth, I’m a monster, why else would I be here?”

You held tight to his chest and pulled him back toward you, forcing him to lean down to you, where you captured his lips. He whimpered into the kiss, instantly leaning into you and forcing the kiss deeper, his tongue slipping into your mouth to finally taste you. Satisfying. Relieving. Tortuous. When you pulled back the both of you were out of breath and he kissed your forehead.

“You don’t know what you’re asking for.” He says strained, already leaning you back onto the bed, hand quickly roaming your body.

“I don’t.” You admit breathlessly as his hands quickly undo your pants, “So, show me.”

He moaned at the way you say that, feeling his normally still and cold blood start to pump through him, warming him, making him harden. His fingers easily found your opening, marveling at the wetness already there.

“Why are you-” He begins but you cut him off with a kiss,

“I’ve been preparing for you for a long time, Lord Siebren, you must know that~” You whisper in his ear, encouraging his hand to explore with your own.

His chest and loins ache at the memory of his name on your lips as he left you everyday, the way it rolled off your tongue as you reached your peak without him, asking, begging for him. He had too much control then, but now… now he didn’t know what he was doing, what became of him.

When his fingers sunk into your warm entrance you tensed a little, his cold fingers were a strange sensation, but not unpleasant, especially as they reached so much farther than your own. He stretched you out carefully, steadily, watching with amazement as his fingers pulled out and delved into you, a sight he hadn’t seen in a very, very long time. 

You were so smooth, so slick, so HOT, almost burning compared to him, but he couldn’t stop, not while you panted and mewled and rolled your hips at him, not as you slowly relaxed and took more fingers, not as he watched you come undone under him in the way he desperately wanted for so long.

You were ethereal to him as you glowed under the scant moonlight, warm and lively, quivering under his touch, fluttering and clenching around his digits as you came from his ministrations. He felt himself grow greedy watching you in the throws of passion, working you to over stimulation, wanting every last drop of desire from you.

When you finally had enough you yanked his hand from yourself easily. You looked up at him, vision a little unfocused from the onslaught he put you through. He looked absolutely enthralled and it made your heart flutter.

“No more games,” You said as serious as you could, considering the circumstances.

“Yes, forgive me.” He says in an intake of breath. “I am just…”

“Surprised, me too.” You tease and bring him into another kiss, hands venturing down his broad body and to his belt.

He rested his head on yours as he watched you release him, shivering at the feeling of your warm, almost burning warm, hands on his hardened member. You marvel at it, so much stranger than any other cock you’ve ever handled, human of course, but off, just like the rest of him. Not necessarily a sickly color but an unusual one, here he did feel warm, if just a little. Your hand just wrapped around it, fingertips brushing around it, and you moved it along him, wanting to commit to memory every thing that made him moan.

He let you stroke him, not wanting to ruin the wonderful sight of you holding him in your hand, finally, after all this time, after all this longing. He groaned as you thumbed his slit and he canted in your hand, releasing a few drops of precum. The unusual warmth had come back to him, like that night but only so much worse. So much more intense. He was sure he was dying this time.

He did not last long in your hand, and came onto your fist as he moaned loudly and clawed at your headboard, leaving deep grooves in the wood.  He was still rock hard, not unusual for him, but you were more amazed at his cum which made him blush as you took an experimental taste. You were amazed to find it flavorless but it was a bit… viscous. Interesting.

“You’re a strange creature, Lord Siebren, you fascinate me.” You say up at him and his breath is caught in his throat at the genuine nature of your words.

“And you are much the same for me.” He confesses quietly but loudly enough for you to hear, and flush with a new heat. 

Who knew a seven foot cryptid like him could be so cute?

You lead in repositioning yourself onto your stomach, propped up by your scant pillows and blanket to help with the size difference as he hunched over you from behind, hands firmly on your waist and head hooked around your shoulder at your neck, a dangerous position to be in but he was too gone with desire to understand that.

You bit your lip as you felt him move against you, starting slow by rubbing against your backside a few thrusts before his tip caught your entrance and he slowly slid in, covered in his and your slick. You cried out at the stretch, and he shivered wildly as he tried to force himself to slow down, for both of your sakes, already feeling his control starting to slip.

His tongue lazed out of his mouth, licking a stripe on your smooth next, kissing your pulse as he felt you flutter around him. You hung your head and focused on relaxing, urging him further with encouraging moans and small thrusts backwards. His hands, strong and large, held you mostly in place but your efforts did not go unnoticed as he chuckled darkly in your ear.

“So impatient, little rabbit, do you not see your own hubris tempting the wolf.” He says cryptically, making you whimper as he bites very lightly at your neck, leaving a small mark easily.

When he finally hilts within you he stills, claws digging into your skin just a little, trying his damnedest not to break skin as he tensed, knowing that he had instantly grown addicted to this simple feeling. The velvety, warm, tight pressure of you your body around him, alive, pumping all that deliciously hot and tempting blood around him. For a monster like him that surely had hell waiting for him whenever that time came for him, he could only assume that this was as close to heaven he will ever get.

He only began moving with your say so, and he did so slowly, easing himself out and then into you, feeling the way you pulled on him just a little as he exited and how you sucked him greedily back in when he pushed in. Out and in. Out and In. A steady rhythm that he kept, even as you begged for more, even as you pulled lightly at his hair, even as you panted in his ear, even as you tried to push back against him. He needed to keep steady, knowing in his heart that no, you were not ready for all of him right now, not until he was sure he would not hurt you from it.

It felt like an eternity with his slow pace driving you insane. Like torture. So mean. Had he not tortured you enough these past few months? And yet he continues to tease. Continues to play with you! And you thought the frustration of him not fucking you was awful!

“Please Lord Siebren, I can handle you, please.” You cried, actually cried, the frustration bubbling out of you in hot tears, “I need more.”

More? He could give you more. But at what cost to you? To himself? He shook his head, voice stuck in his chest as you squeezed him, an underhanded tactic if he ever saw one and in response he stilled completely, smiling internally at the yell that was pulled from you.

“Oh, why are you so cruel!” you wailed, bunching the sheets in your tight fists.

One hand left your hip to intertwined with your hair, pulling your head back lightly as he tutted in your ear, “Do not mistake my empathy with cruelty my dear, I have already told you I wish you no harm.”

“You will not harm me.” You beg, trying everything in your strength to get him to start to move again.

It’s a useless gesture, considering he has you pinned against your bed so easily, but still you persist and he has to give you some credit. “How do you know that, my dear, have you forgotten what I am?”

You shake your head and he is unsatisfied, “Tell me then.”

You bite your lip and are suddenly hesitant to say it out loud before he snaps his hips back and forth harshly, pushing the answer from your chest violently, “A vampire.” you moan.

“Yes, a vampire, a monster, that should make you fear for your life.” He bites, starting up a brutal pace, one that you are immediately thankful for, “yet here you are begging for things you don’t understand.”

“Yo-you’re no- Ah~ monster” You try to say but words are getting lost to you as you’re rapidly reaching your peak. “I- ah~ trust you.” you barely got out.

“Your trust is misplaced.” His beast was roaring within him, so close to the surface he was becoming unsure of where it started and he began anymore. “You are a fool.”

His hips picked up more, the words you speak filling him with a mixture of elation and dread, you trusted him, but had he somehow manipulated that trust from you? Was what you say true, or just words made up by your lust addled brain? Or worse, had he somehow implanted those thoughts into you? He didn’t know. And it was terrifying.

He groaned and buried his head next to yours, feeling his teach elongate and to puncture you, but he will not give his body the satisfaction, instead biting his own lip and causing him to bleed his cool, cold blood onto himself.

You’re shocked to feel cold liquid drip onto your shoulder, and when you turn your head to see what was happening you moaned at the sight of him, focused hard, blood dripping down his chin, face red and brows furrowed, chasing his own pleasure yet holding whatever was inside him back. You felt yourself come right upon your peak and crash suddenly, surprising both of you.

His hips continued pumping into you at a brutal pace, worse now as you squeezed him in your completion, giving him all the go ahead he needs to pursue his own end. His mind was nothing but a flurry of awful, erotic thoughts, mostly centered on plunging his fangs deep in your neck as he cums, and tasting your right from the source. It was making his cock throb as much as it was making his heart break, and he knew deep down he really was no better than a beast.

He came soon after you, ramming himself as deep as he could go and halting there, filling you his cum, heavy and strange within you, yet awfully satisfying. His body convulsed as he emptied into you, and he pushed you deeper into your mattress, wanting every last drop to rest snugly inside you. He didn’t know why, perhaps left over desires from when he was human, lord knows he was unable to impregnate you.

He stayed still until he softened, and then pulled from you with a shudder, feeling his release spill after him. He looked at your bottom half, grimacing at the scratches and the already bruising hand marks blossoming on your hips, though a strange sense of pride also filled his chest, a sense he did not want to linger on. He was fixated on the sight of his seed spilling from your aching hole when your voice called out to him.

“Strange creature indeed.” You say and he looks up to see you are examining the blood he left on you, dark, very dark, nearly black in the moonlight, with a maroon reflection. 

An overwhelming sense of guilt filled him looking at you, the whole picture, marked up by him and covered in blood. His blood sure. His blood for now. For now? Did he want to do this again? Risk your safety again? No. No he couldn’t. He couldn’t. He won’t-

“Did you mean what you said, about wanting to keep me?” You ask softly, turning around under him to face him.

You’re still red and panting, still alive and thriving, and asking something he takes a moment to process as he’s in awe of your beautiful visage in the moonlight.

“Yes.” he says carefully, holding his breath, knowing exactly where you are going, but unbelieving nonetheless

“I would not… mind… being... kept... if you will have me.” You are hesitant to ask, gathering that it was a tall order for him, to keep you around him and bate back the beast within him.

But the idea of never doing this again. Of never holding him. Never feeling him. It made you sad. You wanted him to be here with you forever, or you to be with him, it didn’t matter, as long as he could hold you like tonight for the rest of your life, you’ll be happy.

“Are you sure because next time… that blood could be yours.” He asks, already standing and going to collect you in his arms.

You cling to him, feeling his strong arms holding you up like you weighed nothing, so powerful, so strong, so careful. Whether he knew it or not, you read him clearly, he was infatuated with you too much, and you feared not the beast he did. You trusted him.

“It’s a risk I am willing to take.” You say calmly, snuggling into his broad chest and the soft fabric of his rich clothing.

He smiled tiredly and nodded his head, without much hesitation, leaped from your window, and out into the night, taking you home. His home. Your Home. Together.

He might not know how long he can control the beast with you so near now, but he trusted your confidence, and that soothed him in a way he could never fully understand. His beast was now yours, and together perhaps you’ll tame it.

Though It seems you’ve already done that.

[asherlockstudy]

I get that interview was HBO forced but it sounds insane when last season, he was saying Jaime needed to get away from her for good. I mean no nice post about Gwen after the last ep. I dont believe it was about not wanting to stir the hornet's nest if him and B didnt get together as he posted a huge loving one about Lena and that was a very controversial part of the plot. If hed know posted a gwen one saying"sorry JB didnt get a happy ending but here's me and Gwen in happier times" i dont get it

I think it’s very weird too…Imma analyze it. Not that I’m gonna reach any solid conclusion but I will just lay out all my thoughts.

Whatever the reason Nik doesn’t post or reply publicly to Gwen is, it has nothing to do with his personal preference for Braime or Jaime x Cersei. Even if we make the insane assumption that Nik appreciated that Jaime dumped Brienne to return to murderous Cersei and die with her without serving any purpose in the main plot (what lead actor of 8+ years would ever like being unimportant in the ending plot) and saw “pOeTRy” in it, it still doesn’t explain why he should prefer posting about Lena over Gwen. We would be naive to think he made a post about Lena and not Gwen because he prefers Cersei to Brienne. So, we still have no clear evidence of what Nik’s private thoughts and feelings are for his character after the ending. 

Here’s what we have: 

We have two interviews: one with HBO rofl and one with that journalist who collaborates with HBO and was an insider (I’m not gonna search his name) in which he stans Jaime’s choices, his love for Cersei and the tragic poetry in it all. Then we have him promoting the episodes and the documentary in his instagram and twitter, however he is entirely emotionally detached from his character and his fate. I would say he lowkey looks entertained in his weird af episode promo videos and secretly amused while filming the “thank you” video after the last episode where he says “Come on, it was great” and suggests a petition for an Arya (huh?) sequel.

We have two videos uploaded on yt with him: one is a video of a stalker in which Nik looks uncomfortable and passes the question to the random guy next to him who apparently happens to be a GOT fan, have an elaborate opinion on the last season, hate D&D and think they threw away Jaime’s beautiful character arc. What are the odds…The second is a skit in Jimmy Kimmel in which Nik drags his own character by making him stupid and clumsy, a sad little being because of his maiming and, most importantly, an unrepentant sister fucker. All of Jaime’s worst qualities displayed for laughs, plus that he’s actually a likeable but very stupid person. The skit ends with a dragon randomly burning him and his family alive and those credits

So, we have straightforward criticism towards D&D by Kimmel and NCW actually participates in it. This is what this skit means - that this level of writing, this kind of lame character and that ludicrous death is something that only Benioff and Weiss would like to produce. And, well, the Olsen sisters (although I think they’re cleverer than that). 

So, we have two videos where NCW’s intentions are dubious AT BEST. 

Then we have all the promos. When left to speak on his own, Nikolaj would say how the ending was beautiful and made sense and he once mentioned he sent a letter to thank them for this genius plot…Right. But then when asked or caught off guard (1:04): 

Nobody tries to sugarcoat it, look at the title of the video: … NCW is ‘happy’.  Then of course we have our Lady and Saviour Gwen who tries not to laugh as Nik struggles to find what to say and not just stand up and flee.

Also, this one. The best one: 

I could make a thousand gifs for this but just watch again the entire video:

0:07 - Gwen’s face when Nik says he thought the script was fantastic

1:13 - “N-no..NO!!!” when asked if he would change something in the ending and Gwen’s reaction to that. Then, our leader Gwen proceeds to mock him: “So, it’s an immaculate- It’s immaculate?” to which Nik impulsively replies: “NO!” and goes on “do you ever read a book and think you want to rewrite this?” which implies, that yes he would want to rewrite it but knows he can’t. 

(3:03 - 3:06) - VERY IMPORTANT ONE. When Gwen wondered who was closer to predicting the actual ending, Nik says “I was, yeah” and OMG look at Gwen’s face. It’s very subtle but she’s trying to communicate with her eyes a “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT” to him without being seen by the interviewer. It’s kind of a wife done with her husband’s shit look tbh, that level of subtlety. And Nik answers back with his eyes in equal subtlety and it’s like he says a “What? I truly was right lol….”. To me, this seems to mean that Nik always knew or feared that D&D would eventually destroy all his work and was eventually proven right. Unless this all is about Dany being killed by Jon but I doubt at this point Nik and Gwen cared enough to go all cryptic and eye communicating for this. No, it was about them. 

3:09 - Nik is surprised and then clearly amused at the information by the interviewer that Kit was the one who came closer with his prediction. He can’t hide his smile and says an ironic “good for him” while looking knowingly at Gwen who then says this must be a lie. This shows that it is known amongst the actors that most of them are disappointed and Kit was one of them. Both Nik and Gwen apparently knew Kit hated his ending too and would never expect this to be how the show would wrap up. BTW that writing and that backlash really got to Kit, I hope he recovers soon. But think about this, Kit went into rehab for stress and alcohol, Emilia was devastated and gave a somewhat concerning interview and Nik’s public behaviour regarding GOT is inconsistent and unpredictable. I am thus assuming the writing of the final season and the backlash fucked them up way more than they let on. 

This interview is a gem but here’s the most important part, perhaps the core of what baffles us: 

1:32 - After all the miserable no-nos poor Nik mumbles, Gwen tells Nik what we all think: “I think it’s just a question, you know? Maybe you want to answer it?”

Of course he’s in a total loss for words. Literally, he doesn’t make any sense. Some incoherent sounds come out of his mouth and that’s it. This can mean two things: either he truly thinks the ending is perfect or the ending made him such a mess that he can’t even process it verbally two years later. 

Either Gwen is much braver and Nik is extemely paranoid or Nik actually has many more restrictions in what he is allowed to say. I believe Gwen wanted Nikolaj to be as open as her about it and she still tries to make him open up but he doesn’t. In all the promos without exception, Gwen looks as if she knows Nik is full of shit and secretly agrees with her. If Gwen knows that for a fact, then we can’t argue and it’s actually what makes sense anyway. Nikolaj agrees with Gwen but is not eager to discuss it openly yet, or ever. This could be because he is very professional or because he doesn’t want to get a bad name as a “backstabber” of his projects or it might be a situation of a more sensitive nature. 

If those rumours that the S8 script was changed are true, then Nik and Lena might have had a serious breakdown with D&D and a negotiation might have taken place. For instance, Nik and Lena were really unnecessary in E6, Nik’s scene in E1 could have been eliminated as well and Lena does not appear in E3. Yes, they are big actors but paying them 1,2 million for every episode seems a tad excessive when Emilia and Kit are now famous too and have like 300% times more screentime. All this is wild speculation but maybe they stretched their appearance in the episodes as much as possible and gave them a good amount of money to agree on the butchering of their characters and their importance as former lead actors. I mean, especially Lena was downgraded to a secondary character in this season. Lena had to really fight to see her salary rise in the previous seasons. And now it’s a million for every episode? Wow. How many minutes was she staring out of the window in S8? Maybe they were silenced and payed a shitload of money to stop complaining and promote the show and praise the writing as what it was supposed to be. Maybe they payed them in order to promote Peter, Kit and Emilia for the Emmys instead, who knows. When so much money is involved, things can get frustrating in ways we don’t even fathom. This is wild and rough speculation but all I’m saying is there may be reasons Nik avoids talking freely about his character that we can’t know. 

Besides, it’s not just a Gwen problem. It is not a Gwen problem. Gwen revealed she sent a “Jaime is a fuckboi” meme to Nik privately and he answered playfully as ever (but again as if he’s in denial). They posted a story together a couple of weeks ago. Nik did not just ignore Gwen’s instagram post. Daniel Portman posted the photo and tagged Nikolaj too. Nik ignored him as well. Bryan Cogman, who Nik and Gwen owe a lot to, commented under the photo in a very sweet and emotional way. Guess what, Nik ignored him too! It’s ridiculous to think Nikolaj has stopped communicating and caring about Gwen AND Daniel AND Bryan just because his character returned to Cersei. Furthermore, the fact that they all keep tagging him shows they don’t think their relationships with him have become tense. 

That’s not it. It’s not about Gwen. The only way that Gwen is involved in all this is that she wants Nikolaj to open up so that he would give a little acknowledgement to her character and the relationship with Jaime because she feels very much for Brienne. I’m sad to say, however, that it seems to me that Nik did not take that blow more lightly than Gwen. In fact, his behaviour is more inconsistent and troubling whereas Gwen’s openness about it made her confront that sore subject more healthily after all. I start believing Nik was actually way more devastated than Gwen. At least Brienne remained a decent character, ever faithful to her ideals, ever innerly strong. Jaime was entirely trashed, let alone that he was supposed to be a main character. If Nik can’t even handle a photo that reminds him of his destroyed character arc, I wouldn’t be surprised. Maybe Gwen wants Nik to open up so much for his benefit as well - he keeps it bottled up and she might know first hand how that affects him.

Long story short, the reasons Nik doesn’t post anything about his feelings for Jaime’s character arc, his relationship with Brienne and his collaboration with Gwen probably are both professional, after begrudging deals and agreements and restrictions from HBO, and very personal, inner and private, as he’s still trying to cope with a disappointment that crushed down on him from what used to be his dream job and a role he hoped would be a (or the) peak of his career. I bet all these years Nik was hopeful Jaime would be extremely important and fully redeemed in the end but also extremely scared and anxious that the writers won’t give him what he hoped for and what made sense. Would I exaggerate if I said this should be the biggest professional disappointment he ever experienced, provided that he didn’t like the character’s ending? 

From everything Gwen has said about him, I have surmised that Nik is very emotional and anxious but with a very blasé and superficially amiable attitude. He avoids expessing emotion in real life which is why he might be dissociating a lot lately. He tries to distance himself from that part of Jaime’s character that involved Bryan and Gwen because this is the part that he loved and lost. Honestly, I can’t think of any other logical reason he ignored Gwen, Dan and Bryan one after the other and never made a post about his own character specifically or his good times with Gwen. It’s obviously not that he suddenly hates all of them to the point of not even replying. Even if HBO restricts him on what he can say in interviews for a while, there is no other explanation for this other than that D&D’s genius writing fucked him up emotionally as much as Emilia and Kit and he does not want to deal with it even though Gwen probably thinks it would be for the best if he did. 

Now after I wrote all this, imagine if Nikolaj actually doesn’t give a shit and is just happy going on with his life while I am here wasting time. But… I don’t think so. I will never not believe Nik didn’t love Jaime to pieces. He had big dreams for this role, I am sure of it. 

[writtenbyhappynerds]

Unit 9: Don’t Like, Don’t Read

     Welcome to the last unit of Fanfiction 101. We saved this for last because it is most applicable at this time. As well as the notion of, “don’t like, don’t read,” we are going to discuss criticism as a whole, commenting, secondary readers, and plagiarism. Let’s jump into it.

     There is only one true example where the idea of, ‘Don’t like, don’t read,’ is a valid claim and that is in fetish fanfiction. If you are writing smut or fanfic that is meant to serve a specific fetish/kink, then put that in the description and then you can inform the reader that if it isn’t their cup of tea they shouldn’t read it. That is the only time this comment is valid because not everyone is actively seeking out Johnlock BDSM or inflation porn. Everything else, from opinion pieces to serious fanfiction is fair game to be critiqued because we as writers are putting it out on a public platform. If you put something online it is unrealistic of you as a writer to expect no one to ever try and tell you what could be wrong with it. It is also on us as writers to acknowledge that every idea we have isn’t a gem. They’re not all winners, and a story that you’ve written perfectly in your head may not translate well on paper. It is on you to grow and adapt the narrative to become even better.

     Criticism is not a bad thing. There is a difference between constructive criticism and hate, and hate is usually along the lines of, “this is stupid. You’re a terrible writer.” Because we post things on a public platform we have to be able to take criticism, which gives you the opportunity to grow as a writer. Feedback from your audience allows you to become better at your craft because writing is not a talent. It is a skill, and it is one that improves only by rewriting and editing over and over again until you get it right. I understand that it’s sometimes difficult to get feedback though because it requires work on the reader’s end as well as the author.

     To readers, if you are anxious about commenting or feel bad about critiquing someone’s work in a public post, message them privately. The authors are hungry for criticism. Every comment on Fanfiction 101 I have replied to; for everything from the comments on the exams to the comments on the units themselves because clarifying and aiding and taking in feedback makes not only these courses, but my writing capabilities better. I understand how readers think and the positive comments of, ‘This is amazing!’ or ‘I like this already’ are nice to see but they don’t tell the author how to make a story more enjoyable. Personally, if I critique someone’s story I’ll message them privately, tell them I’ve read one of their pieces, and that I have some notes. Now, sometimes it goes over very well and you feel a friendly bond with the person whose work you’re critiquing. When I comment on a piece, it’s because I want it to succeed and I want it to be even better than it is. Sometimes, you get blocked, as I recently did, because the author isn’t emotionally available to accept that there are issues with their work. It happens. It’s water off a duck’s back, and you move on knowing you did what you could to try and help. This leads me to a specific aside:

     It is not okay to make fun of another author’s work. To all my readers, do not say that you won’t name a specific work to protect the identity of the writer, but then give me enough context clues that I can find the fanfiction on Google. That is not okay. Making fun of someone else’s fanfic is just mean. I was writing and posting fanfic when I was a sophomore in high school. A lot of fanfiction writers are young kids/teens, and they don’t deserve that. I will come for you if I see you making fun of someone’s fanfic. That isn’t constructive. It isn’t helpful, it’s just mean.

     Your fanfiction may sound really great to you the writer because in your head you can see it play or pan out. Sometimes you the author can see the whole narrative in your head and it’s just a matter of putting it down on paper. I’ve been there. I see you. I myself usually write endings as quickly as I can so I have an event or thing to work towards. However, your audience isn’t reading your fanfiction with all the context you’ve given each scene in your head in mind. There is a solution. I detest the term ‘beta readers.’ The lovely lady working on Fanfiction 101 has read every story I’ve ever written that’s been publicly posted since the beginning. This is because she has read a lot of fanfiction, and knows what’s been done before and what hasn’t. I would never designate her as a beta reader because her voice and input in these stories help shape them just as much as I do writing them. Hence, she has and always will be, the Editor. The first person to read. Your first reader or critic doesn’t need to necessarily know what fandom you’re writing for. When your editor knows the fandom, they can provide a second set of eyes regarding the continuity or characterization of the main cast. When I tried to write Agents of SHIELD fanfic back in the day, I got my ass handed to me on both those things time and time again by the Editor. There are several questions you can ask your first reader. To apply them, they are questions we will ask you about Fanfiction 101:

1. When did you feel that the narrative was lagging? This can help you find the more boring sections. As far as self-editing goes, your readers will feel what you feel. If you feel that something is dragging, the readers can pick up on that. If you don’t care about what you’re putting out you can’t expect the readers to care.

2. Did you notice any inconsistencies in the characters or the plot, times, or places? Consistency is key. If you have stated a truth or law of the world or principal for a character you should stick with it.

3. How did the balance of dialogue and description feel? Or, for stories like Fanfiction 101 the balance of examples and information. Some stories are dialogue-heavy, others are description-heavy and there should be a happy balance to avoid the dreaded, ‘show-don’t tell.’

4. Did you ever get confused as to who is speaking? This can help you figure out if you need to make a character’s voice more distinct, or if you need to add additional tags to let the reader keep track.

5. Were there any parts that confused or frustrated you? If so, what are they and why? On the flip side, are there any parts that made you laugh or that you enjoyed, and why?

     Take one of these questions and answer it in your own words in the comments. This can give me and the Editor feedback on how to improve our writing. These questions aren’t written law. You don’t have to ask them when your secondary readers look over your work. However, someone who is not you should be reading your stories before you publish. You’ll catch lots of mistakes and flaws that way. Look to the people you trust; the people who will tell you what’s good. If you’re uncomfortable with having someone read your stories, read them to yourself out loud. You will catch your own mistakes, much like you’ll catch uncomfortable dialogue. If you desperately need a secondary reader, slide into my DMs. The Editor and I will happily take a look.

     Super long author’s notes or author’s notes in the middle of work are unprofessional and tiresome. If you do intend on having author’s notes, limit yourself to a maximum of 3 sentences. The readers are not going to read author’s notes that are incredibly long, and the Editor and I have encountered author’s notes that are longer than the actual chapter. That’s too much breaking of the third wall. Notes like, “didn’t have time to check the spelling/grammar lolzr sorry!” Get Grammarly. It’s free. Notes in the middle of the text take the reader out of the immersion and show me as a reader that you aren’t confident enough to convey what you want to. My Immortal is filled with author’s notes smack dab in the middle of the text. Don’t be like My Immortal. If we’ve taught you anything, be better than My Immortal.

     Finally, let’s talk about plagiarism. Fanfiction is copywritten work. Sometimes very very popular stories will be copied almost word for word. Or, the premise is the exact same and only the character has changed. This is not okay. It’s fine to read a story and be super impressed, but you don’t have the right to copy someone’s work. Another thing that isn’t cute is pretending you have no idea what someone’s talking about. If your story opens with the main character fighting a Minotaur and killing it with its own horn, don’t lie to the audience and pretend that you’ve never read the Percy Jackson series. The readers are not stupid, don’t treat them as such. If you are inspired by another work or story, link the original at the end.

     So that’s it. Next week we will post the final exam of Fanfiction 101. It’s comprehensive, covering all 9 units. The Editor and I want to first and foremost thank everyone for sticking with us and coming back every Sunday to see what we have to say. From two people who have read and written a lot of fanfiction, we wanted to share our knowledge and help whomever we could with simple mistakes and errors. Thank you, for reading. Our final exam is next week, and we will have one more post to discuss the future of Fanfiction 101. We’ll see you then.

[pllandcompany]

You GUYS. Sanders Sides Ice Skating AU? Sanders Sides Ice Skating AU.

Do I know anything about ice skating? Nope. Am I gonna write about it anyway? Absolutely. Google is a thing, right?

(please don’t ask me what possessed me to come up with this, the answer i don’t know, just let me be great)

Warnings: talk of injuries, performance anxiety, mention of illegal/dangerous performance enhancing practices, disordered eating/body image issues, past minor character death. illness mention, deceit is included in this

Also, just to be clear, the boys all train together on the same team. Under a cut because this 100% ran away from me.

Logan:

at 24, he’s considered to be what the team lovingly calls a lifer, meaning that skating is all he knows and all he’s ever done since he was born

truth be told, his former NBA cheerleader mother and NFL coach father forced him into several sports when he was small and this was the only one he showed any potential in

spoiler alert: they’re not thrilled that this was the only one he was good at

but they wanted their son to be an athlete so skating it is

fairly well known but doesn’t even acknowledge his own fame

known around the arena for being sort of intense and standoffish leading to him not always being well-liked

also weirdly brilliant? he frequently goes on rants about the physics behind skating that never fail to shock his teammates

despite being a frequent silver/gold medalist, Logan always felt like his parents were constantly disappointed in him so he vowed to train so hard that he would make his first Olympics by age 18

he missed his goal by one tenth of a point and had to wait until 22 to qualify again

also his parents didn’t even attend the competition where he qualified

it doesn’t bother him one bit (just kidding, he is Bothered)

very rigid with his diet and training regimen, sometimes to an unhealthy level depending on how well he believes he’s performing (roman and patton are Very Worried sometimes)

struggles with his height and wingspan, at 6′0 he’s tall for a skater and somewhat lanky which makes certain technical elements difficult for him 

only at first though, when he meets a challenge, it becomes his ultimate goal to master it

ever the perfectionist, he will practice until he nearly collapses and often has to be dragged off the ice and forced to stop obsessing

(the occasional lack of adequate nutrition and/or hydration doesn’t have anything to do with him collapsing. nope. he’s fine.)

his technique is mostly impeccable but he’s a cerebral skater; often criticized for visibly “thinking” while skating and not emoting much

Roman:

23, total prodigy skater, also a lifer

both parents were Olympic skaters; they were actually part of two separate pairs when they met and quickly became both life and work partners

now Roman’s father coaches their team and his mother acts as his manager

very charismatic and magnetic, quickly became a public figure after his second Olympic gold medal

his mother takes every advantage of her son’s charm, constantly signing him up for guest roles and talk shows and commercials without consulting him first

he loves the attention though

sometimes

sometimes he just wants to skate

Roman’s father isn’t as impressed with his antics; he’s constantly on him to stay focused 

the other teammates either genuinely love him or they love him in person and gossip about him in secret

he knows some of their adoration is fake but it’s fine, he doesn’t care what they think (he cares a great deal)

5′8 but very muscular, especially in his legs and shoulders 

has been criticized for his broader body type but he doesn’t care; he loves that he’s Thicc

judges still love him though, he’s a very powerful skater, his jumps are explosive and very accurate and he’s always very connected to the music

he’s always looking for the next challenge, the next risky move or flashy element

at times he can be hard on himself to always outdo his last performance which has cost him his physical health at times; he spent the year leading up to his second Olympics battling a knee injury that almost sidelined him

he and Logan have a friendly/unfriendly competition going on as they tend to consistently trade places with each other for 1st and 2nd place on the podium

Virgil:

21, a newer addition to the team

wicked talented, possibly even more so than Roman

ask him though and he’d tell you he’s the worst one in the rink (which infuriates Logan considering Virgil achieved the very goal he couldn’t)

has severe performance anxiety and will often panic so much before competition that he’s physically sick

5′6 with a slight build; can jump wicked high and very clean lines

his teammates call him the Shrimp because of how short he is

(roman used to call him that too until he found out how much Virgil hated the nickname)

raised by a single parent, his mother worked three jobs so she could afford skating lessons and new boots as he grew

qualified for his first Olympics at just 18, won bronze and a sponsorship that finally took the pressure off his mother

now he wants gold but not for himself

his mother was diagnosed with cancer and the treatments are very expensive on top of the financial demands of his career

he knows if he makes more money, he can provide for her the way she provided for him

when he skates, it’s either damn near flawless or a shaky, inconsistent mess, there is no in-between

fortunately there are people around him to help his anxiety and keep him focused

like

Patton:

25; came to the arena shortly after Logan but unlike Lo was very quickly accepted

he loves everybody

everybody loves him

the other teammates call him Old Man, Dad, or Papa Patton because he’s always looking out for everyone

whether it’s making sure they stay hydrated or nourished or telling them to rest when they need to, he’s always looking out for his skate family

5′9 and somewhat muscular but still lean

not the most technically consistent skater but always receives high praise for his performance and artistry

one of the few skaters who actually loves the dance classes they attend and really gets into them (this confuses Logan greatly)

came to competitive skating a bit later in life, took more time to train and test than average

despite his age and experience, he actually has the least amount of medals among the four and has yet to win Olympic gold

is seemingly unbothered by that fact (this confuses Roman greatly)

also never appears to be nervous or stressed about competitions (this confuses Virgil greatly)

when asked about his calm and cheerful demeanor even in the face of disappointment (by Roman) 

or his ability to display every emotion in the music so readily on his face (by Logan) 

or how he manages not to puke for hours before a big skate (by Virgil), he answers with this

when he was nine, both of his parents were killed by a drunk driver on their way to see him skate

he almost quit skating after that happened

(if he’s honest, he almost quit everything after that happened)

but after the grief settled slightly, he made a promise to himself that no matter what, every time he stepped on the ice, he would skate for them

every turn, every spin, even every practice session is for them and whatever happens doesn’t matter because he knows that his family is watching over him and they are so proud

having discovered a new level of respect for their teammate, the others find themselves complaining much less around him now

Deceit (known as Dimitri):

22, not a member of Roman’s dad club, of Russian descent but skates for Team Canada 

started showing up in competitions shortly after Virgil joined the team

immediately started crushing everybody, knocking Roman and Logan down to silver or bronze and Virgil and Patton off the podium completely

5′8 and the ideal build for a figure skater, judges go nuts over his lines and speed

deadly accurate jumper

the dude honestly seems almost perfect

Roman is Frustrated. Logan is Jealous. Virgil and Patton are Suspicious.

it’s Patton who finds out the chink in Dimitri’s sequined armor

he’s been blood doping for months in secret

but not for selfish reasons

he too was orphaned at a young age but unlike Patton, he was not the only child left behind

he has a sister and two brothers who he is the primary caretaker of

and almost every penny he earns is spent on their schooling, their healthcare, their overall well-being

he has to be the best in order for their family to survive

which is why Patton is sworn to secrecy

if this got out, he’d be done and so would his three siblings

Patton is Very Worried because doping is hella dangerous

but Dimitri will be fine

right?

I’m sure this has been done before but I don’t care, I’m in love with this concept and I can’t wait to write more.

Tagged: @ziallwarrior @apologieslogan @logansmolbean @crofters-jam @asylia5911 @ab-artist @band-be-boss-blog @unbefuckinglieveable @flyingfreeyt @thecatchat @thefallendog @backatthebein

[angstymarshmallow]

A Family Affair - (thomas hunt x mc)

[A little note: whelp, I’ve been so inconsistent lately but the latest thing I’ve been writing for over a week is more or less ready :D. This takes place within the same universe as Simply Between Us series. It’s kind of like a what next? Here’s some fanfiction for all of my Hunt fans out there!]

[summary: after the last stressful months of their rollercoaster ride, Thomas and Tatum (MC) are ready to take the next step in their relationship. If only his mother felt the same way.]

[words counted: 3419]

She fumbles with the clasp of her dress; her fingers shaking slightly until she feels the coolness of his hands encircling her own. She closes her eyes for a moment, pausing to swallow past the nerves – past the uncertainty that comes along with it. She was going to meet them today. His family.

Unfortunately, there seems to be no end to how nervous she felt.

It still persists as his hands guide hers til the clasp is safely done. His breath touches her neck. “Tatum,” he whispers her name softly into her skin. “You’re over thinking it.”

“I am not.”

“You are.” His lips are unyielding as they trace the base of her neck, and she shivers at the motion. “I know that look very well,” his fingers skim down the length of her dress – only stopping to pause by her waist.

“I am not.” Tatum insists, still keeping her eyes trained on the mirror. From this angle, she can almost picture his smile before she sees it, the way the corner of his eyes crinkle just before – it never fails to give him away.

“You are terrible liar Tatum Everly.” His admonishes. Although, his lips manage to quirk into a smile.

A smile she thinks he wears quite well.

“Maybe,” She admits, biting her bottom lip – watching his mirror image as he bends his head lower. His disheveled hair from their latest tryst the night before, falls across her shoulder. Her stomach quivers in anticipation for his touch. His lips drift further until they’re able to press a soft kiss – a space between her shoulder blades where he gently nips.

It’s one of her favourite spots.

Little jolts of unabashed desire travel up her spine. She surrenders to his touch within seconds, leaning heavily into him as his arms wrap reassuringly around her. She’s almost forgotten their conversation until he prompts her with a familiar, I know you better than that look when he lifts his chin to stare at their mirrored reflections.

“And maybe, you’re far too perceptive for your own good Thomas Hunt,” she says decisively. She turns in his arms, dropping a fond kiss to his nose. Keeping her attention solely on him, she lowers her gaze slightly towards the slight bruises she left on his skin from last night. The sight of them makes her cheeks burn. “But can you blame me?” She shifts her gaze past his ear, trying not to look exactly at him. “I’m not the best liar – but what else am I supposed to say? Meeting your sister is huge.”

More than huge – meeting his sister means the next step in getting to know him better; getting to know the parts of himself no one else does. He’s spoken fondly about Rachel on numerous occasions and Tatum knows if she was to have any place in the Hunt family, winning his sister’s approval was a necessity for making that happen.  

Still, it feels slightly unfortunate now that the day was finally here - the idea has suddenly filled her with a sense of dread. Just thinking about meeting the younger Hunt makes Tatum want to disappear. Especially if she’s anything like her brother.

Thomas’ wry chuckle drags Tatum’s attention back to the present. His dark eyes shine with half-amusement as he cups her cheeks, compelling her to look at him. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” His tone is unusually gentle as his thumb caresses her cheek.

“Easy for you to say,” she snorts. “My parents love you.”

Truthfully, in their brief trip to Iowa – her parents had been completely smitten by Thomas Hunt. It was actually a little frustrating to watch her mother fuss over him. But he was charming to a fault; helping her around the house and bonding with her father over their love of cinema. He was never out of his element.

“And Rachel will love you,” Thomas’ reply is insistent. “She’s meeting us early because she can’t wait to meet you.”

He doesn’t mention his parents, which Tatum thinks is a deliberateness done on his part. Still, it’s something they will have to discuss when the time comes, but she knows better than to poke at something that was purposely undisclosed. At least, right now.

His tone is sufficiently serious though as Tatum peers up at him. He really means it. But there’s no denying a sense of ineptitude when it comes to their backgrounds. It can’t be helped. Even now, she sometimes draws comparisons that makes her think she may never quite fit in with his family. Although they share some similarities; their love of film and literature can only bridge so many gaps between them.

She forces a smile. She wants to believe him, but every second she spends thinking about his imposing younger sister; tall and headstrong in every sense of the word – is another second she thinks she won’t quite measure up. She’d done a bit of her own research and a part of Tatum still can’t believe she’s even meeting her tonight.

As if sensing her thoughts, Thomas whirls her around to face the mirror. “Look at you.” His fingers tilt her chin up until she she’s able to stare meekly at herself.

“You’re beautiful. Strong. Passionate. Determined. Smart.” He places a soft kiss by her shoulder, his hands skimming again to trace her ample cleavage. “Not to mention irresistible.”

“Mmm,” she inclines her head, giving him better access to graze her skin with his teeth. When he says things like that, she’s putty in his hands. “You’re only saying that because you want to seduce me tonight.” A low hum of pleasure leaves her throat as he nips into her skin.

Thomas smiles. “I think I’ve already accomplished that.” He pulls back enough to drop his hands to hers’ and lifts it to his lips; the engagement ring he’d given her two months ago twinkling as though for emphasis under the current streak of sunlight.

Laughing, she smiles at his grand gesture before he lets go. “True enough I suppose, but why settle for just one? I like that you seduce me nearly every night.” Looping her arms around his neck, she steps closer.

“I aim to please Miss Everly.” He doesn’t break eye contact and something tightens in her gut at the tender way he looks at her; longingly like he never wants to let go.

Maybe he doesn’t want to let go. It has been awhile since they’ve had this much time to themselves; almost nearly every night this week she’s had to count her lucky stars that he came to bed with her. Sometimes their schedules are too tangled and doesn’t allow the amount of time she desires to spend in his arms, instead of someplace else.

“I love you.” Thomas says it quietly, softly – almost a whisper as both his hands grip her waist a little tighter.

“I love you too.” She responds almost instantly, beaming at him until he leans close enough to capture her lips. She can feel every bit of how much he loves her in return. It is in every kiss, in the air around them as their breaths mingle. It is in every moment they spend huddled together, pressed intimately with only each other for company.

“Tatum,” Thomas says her name in nothing short of wonder and happiness.

“I know,” Tatum murmurs between kisses, “if only we had more time.” Still, she can’t let go. Instead her fingers tangle inside his hair as he presses closer. His hands run tantalizingly slow patterns across her naked back, and she shivers in delight. Reluctantly, she somehow finds the willpower to pull away first; laughing at the rare sight of Thomas’ face – flushed as it was until he clears his throat and gazes elsewhere.

“Do my eyes deceive me? Or is that truly a blush?” Tatum teases, leaning into him. “Maybe I’ve finally seduced you too.” After the year they’ve been together, it’s at least one thing she knows for certain. The rest of her remark dies within her throat as he tugs her flush against him. She swallows hard at the sudden intensity in his stare.

“Seduction doesn’t even come close.” He tucks a finger under her chin. “Truth be told, I’ve been completely enamored by you Tatum. Almost, since the very beginning.”

Her stomach flips. It isn’t fair when he says things like that. It isn’t fair at all. She tries to swat his shoulder playfully, but he captures her wrist at the last possible second, and without breaking eye contact, he kisses it.

“Careful Thomas,” Tatum warns, “you’re going to make me melt. And I’ve just gotten my makeup right.”

The sound of his rich velvety laugh makes her smile as he releases her. “Point taken.” He releases her with a squeeze. “I suppose we should make sure we’re at least presentable before Rachel gets here.”

“Or….”

The sunlight from the window catches the streaks of platinum inside Tatum’s hair at just the right angle as she shakes her head. Her careful expression drops as her lips itch to smile.

Stepping forward, she’s close enough for Thomas to spot the sudden mischievous glint inside her eyes. “Or…?”

“Or, you spend the last couple moments we have alone– showing me how much you love me.” She links her arms around his neck, smiling as his hands have already began wandering down her thighs.

Her fingers sneak around his collar before he’s able to protest. Mostly, he doesn’t want to object anyway. It thrills him when she takes the lead. There’s something undeniably sexy the way she practically purrs his name when she wants something. “Thomas.”

“I could persuade you to stay,” she leans forward until her breath brushes by his ear. “Just right here, with me.” She ignores the abrupt change in her heartbeat as she drifts her lips across his jaw and finally at his neck. Tatum knows she’s playing a dangerous game – but she doesn’t want to stop.

He does something to her, inexplicable – there isn’t enough words to explain. However, what she does know is how much she wants him – especially when he looks at her the way he’s looking at her now. As if she’s the only thing in the world that matters and all of sudden she wants nothing more than to be back in bed again, buried under sheets and skin against skin.

She kisses him first, hears his soft groan of pleasure until his arms snag her waist and pulls her flush against him again. This time kissing him isn’t to explore, it’s more intense than that – like a fevered dream that she can’t get away from. She buries her fingers into his hair as he picks her up, and lets out a surprised gasp when her back lightly touches the cool sheets of their bed. “I guess that’s a yes then.” She doesn’t know how she manages to keep composure, especially when the rest of her body feels scorched by his touch.

Peering down at her, Thomas smirks before he began undoing his cuff-links. “Has it ever been a no?” His tailored shirt goes next, thrown with wild abandon before he scoops her up again inside his arms. His lips find the smoothness of her shoulder where he presses a trail of kisses hot enough for Tatum to shiver. “I swear, I can never get enough of you.” He mutters the word thickly, as his hands deftly began unzipping her dress.

She hums a soft noise of pleasure in her throat. “Thomas I –”

A sound loud enough to interrupt them suddenly blasts from Thomas’ phone. They both flinch and take a moment to stare at one another before hastily untangling themselves. Tatum tries to stifle her pout as Thomas reaches for his phone.

“Yes.” He answers tersely, not bothering to hide his annoyance or even check caller I.D.

She hears the impatience in his voice as speaks, not that she can blame him – she’s impatient too and already her hands are by his hips itching to touch him. Without giving it a second thought, she kneels in front of him and greedily sinks her fingers beyond the waistband of his slacks.

She hears his soft in-take of breath as her fingers caresses his tip, but then a soft curse as his entire body goes rigid.

“Yes, of course mother.” A pause.

Her hand freezes and she reels back in alarm. Oh no.

“Of course, we’ll meet you downstairs.” There’s another pause as Thomas nods his head, not meeting Tatum’s horrified stare.  Another minutes passes and his eyes are no longer unfocused when they look at her. After saying his goodbyes, he helps Tatum to her feet.

“Please don’t tell me –” she stops short, helping him to find his shirt before she manages to catch his eye.

“Yes.” He says without hesitation. His brow creases before his face disappears underneath his shirt. “She’s waiting downstairs in the parlor.” He sighs. “I had forgotten she had a key.”

Cheeks heating, Tatum covers her face and barely manages to stifle the urge to scream. “Oh my god, do you think….do you think she heard us?”

Thomas looks disgruntled himself. He presses his lips into a thin line and drags fingers through his hair. “I won’t lie to you – probably. You aren’t particularly quiet.” He replies with a small smirk. It immediately dissipates a moment later as his eyes skim their room. “But…knowing her, she won’t bring it up.”

“I’m sorry – is that supposed to make me feel any better?” She’s meeting his mother.

She’s meeting his mother.

And the last thing she wants his mother to think is that she’s some kind of…harlet. Yet, she’s getting the sinking feeling that she’s already made a poor impression. “Besides, I thought your sister was supposed to meet us.” She protests as soon as she’s able to find her voice again.

“She’s apparently had an engagement she can’t get out of and mother was already in the country when she asked.” He’s fishing for his blazer as he speaks, tucking it smoothly in while Tatum still struggles to find composure. “Hey.” His hands are on her shoulder, reassuringly squeezing them. “Look at me.”

Slowly, she lifts her eyes to stare up at him.

“It’s fine.” His voice is firm, commanding. Then his features soften as he shifts a hand to her chin and tilts it up. “Think about it this way, it isn’t the most compromising position we’ve ever been in,” he reasons then pauses as to squint. “Although it comes pretty close.”

Her eyebrows quirk up in frustration, “still not making me feel any better.”

“Does this help?” He bends to press a soft kiss to her forehead and her shoulders relaxes almost immediately.

“No.” She sighs. “A little.” But what if she doesn’t like me? What if she thinks I’m not good enough for you? These questions still plague her as she forces a smile. Her mind is harder to convince. Changing the subject, she steps back. “Shall we?”

He frowns for a moment before offering his arm. “We shall.”

-

Mrs. Hunt looks almost as every bit intimidating as Tatum imagines she would have.

There’s an air of authority to her as they meet her in parlor. She raises her slender chin up high at the sound of their footsteps.

Right away Tatum knows she has impeccable taste. She may be wearing dark slacks but they’re expensive by the look of them and her pair of pearls only seem to echo her air of importance. She doesn’t smile right away as she turns to notice them.

Tatum catches her breath in surprise.

She doesn’t look like she’s had two children. Tatum thinks she’s somehow managed to find the fountain of youth. Surely, they shared trademarks – nearly flawless complexions from porcelain skins with no blemishes to the naked eye. She’s nearly as tall as he is too, and towers a good foot over Tatum as they exchange pleasantries. Her eyes are the worst part. They are dark and cutting – nearly sharp enough to break glass as they flicker smoothly towards where Tatum’s is standing.

There isn’t a wrinkle nor a hair out of place as she tucks her arms behind her. She is every bit of poise and grace that Tatum imagines his mother to be – down to the glacial look she administers and accompanies with a clear of her throat.

Tatum stands a little straighter, despite desperately struggling with the sudden urge to wither up and die underneath her heavy scrutiny.

“Keeping your mother waiting is not a good look for you Thomas.”

“Mother.” Thomas greets warmly. He takes her comment in stride as they walk further into the room. “My apologies, I had no idea you were coming. It’s good to see you.”

“Didn’t we teach you to always be prepared Thomas?” Mrs. Hunt replies coolly. Her eyes finally leave Tatum long enough to lose its sharpness.

Tatum lets out a small sigh of relief.

Mrs. Hunt smiles at her son, and just like that – the edges in her features soften and the air around them doesn’t feel as thick with tension anymore. “Likewise, thank goodness my fight was ready in time.”

“One would hope so, otherwise – what point would there be in owning your own jet?” He says drily, earning a soft laugh in response.

She pats his shoulder affectionately, cheeks still holding the last of her smile. “It’s certainly not just because.” Then her gaze solidifies itself. “It’s a good thing my meeting didn’t last very long.”

“I take it everything is well? The last time we spoke, you sounded a bit stressed.”

“Yes. It took a turn for the better when I went to meet my investors in person. One can never be too certain of their circumstances until they’re able to find a practical solution.” Her dark eyes flit over and lock eyes with Tatum’s. “Now, I assume there’s a reason –”

“Oh!” Thomas seems to realize at the same time as she does. “Forgive me, where are my manners?” He rests an arm reassuringly around Tatum after she takes a timid step forward. “Mother this is Tatum Everly, my fiancée.”

Even the way he says fiancée causes a swift burst of pleasure through Tatum and she can scarcely hide her smile as she lifts her chin and meet’s the shrewd woman’s gaze. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Hunt.” She eagerly reaches for his mother’s outstretched hand. She’s a little surprised at how tight of a grip she has.

“I see.” Her tone is nearly clipped. She drops her hand within seconds. “So, this is why you never visit anymore.” Her lips press into a thin line.

“I –” Tatum tries to find her voice, but comes up short and flinches.

“Mother,” Thomas looks exasperated then he lets out a sigh at her reproachful look in return. “I have also been very busy with work, and circumstances present haven’t been able to leave much room for anything else.”

“I sincerely doubt that is the case.” She makes a point of glancing at Tatum and then towards the flight of stairs.

Thomas cheeks are as flushed as Tatum’s feels and it is in that moment that she wants nothing more than for the floor to suddenly open up and swallow her whole. Anything else would have been more preferable than the scathing look Mrs. Hunt is currently giving her.

Before either of them can protest, Thomas’ mother tosses her hair over her shoulder and stalks towards the entrance. “Now I think I was promised dinner.”

“There’s still so much time. Our reservation isn’t for another hour.” Tatum whispers to Thomas, peeking up at him just in time to notice the slight crease in his brow.

“It doesn’t hurt to be early Miss Everly. You should do well to remember that.”

She flinches at the sound of her disapproval. There is no missing it. She hadn’t even realized the woman had heard her. “Oh my god – does your mother have super-powered hearing?” She’s close enough to superstitiously say in his ear.

“No, I’m just a mother.” Came the response down the hall. “And mothers have a way of finding out everything.”

The way she emphasizes the word places Tatum ill at ease and she glances up at Thomas in a wild panic. “Everything?” She mouths the words at him. Well, so much for making a good first impression.

-

tags: @cora-nova,  @mfackenthal @emomoustache

[sieben9]

“only you”/“an untold story” impressions

{Quick request to anyone reading: I’m watching OUaT for the first time, and I want to avoid spoilers. So, if you want to discuss something spoilery, I’d be grateful if you could start a new post for that. Thank you!}

Yes, both in one post. Mostly because I watched them in one go. And because they’re really just one long story, anyways.

please feel free to insert your own episode-relevant pun here

Before I get into anything else: NO MORE UNDERWORLD LIGHTING! I’d almost forgotten how much that stupid red filter bothered me, until I didn’t have to stare at it while going through my screenshots. Dobby is freeeee~

Anyways, to my intense surprise, especially after the mess that was “Last Rites”, I really liked this finale! Not as a season-finale, because it wasn’t, but it was a very solid, fun two-parter that feels like it should have aired halfway through the hiatus between seasons. (I have Opinions™ on the “season finale followed by a mostly-unrelated epilogue/setup for the next season” format, and not one of them is positive.) The setup for the next season did get me cautiously excited, though. Not quite the “holy crap, I have to watch that!” of the s4 finale, but still good.

Just for clarity’s sake: I will be referring to this two-parter as one episode, just for ease of conversation. I have not slept this weekend, and I refuse to juggle grammar.

OK, just so I have it out of my system:

Gay roadtrip!

“i know we spent the last ten episodes getting my boyfriend back from the dead, but there isn’t room for four in the bug, so bye!” — emma swan, apparently

My joyful little shipper heart aside, the Emma/Regina bits in this episode were just fantastic. From their little heart-to-heart about Regina missing Robin (and Emma actually properly empathising this time) to the oddly even more personal topic of Regina’s constant battle with her “evil” side, it was all that I might have wanted and more.

The scene also left me with a weird feeling, because on the one hand, sure, it’s hard to constantly have to censor a part of yourself in order to be accepted in the company of the people you love (and who love you), but on the other hand… if that part of yourself has “kill it with fire” as the first response to any and all annoyances, maybe, just maybe, that’s something that you should censor. That said, Regina, you should definitely make an appointment with Archie. That sounds like his cup of preferred beverage.

And now to maybe my least favourite part of the episode, so we get it over with… the actual “main” plot. Or the excuse plot, as I will call it, because, really, the whole “Henry destroys magic” thing never really felt like a credible threat. It was more something to get everyone into motion so they could do the actually interesting stuff.

Don’t get me wrong, Henry snapping after losing yet another person—even by proxy through his mother—is perfectly understandable and realistic. That he’d turn his anger on magic as a whole isn’t exactly out of left field, either. He’s done this before, after all. At least this time, he didn’t try to blow up the magic well. I like that well, recent drama notwithstanding.

instead, we get the reverse-cornucopia of magic, apparently

But the plotline itself seemed far too rushed and low-energy to really grab my attention. And the resolution was… ::sigh:: there’s a dilemma for me, here, because I unabashedly love cheesy “The Power Is In You” moments, and the scene at the well did hit that button. It just felt unearned, which is why I couldn’t really enjoy it. (Also, I don’t know what New Yorkers are like, but I know how people from around here would have reacted to a performance act like that. Ah, well. Never Mind All That.)

the real magic was convincing so many people to throw away their spare change

I don’t even know what to say about the Dragon cameo. Nice to see he’s not dead, after all, but everything else in that scene... Nick, if you’d be so kind?

OK, that’s over with. Luke-warm excuse plot with some nice elements to it. I’m not sure if Violet needed to be in this, but I guess Henry needed someone to talk to.

Just as a pick-me-up, I want to give a shoutout to one of the best-executed bits of comedy on this show so far:

“Guy on the third floor is involved in some kind of satanistic ritual and dumped his food on the floor. Pretty polite and tips well, though. 8/10”

Just… very good performance and comedic timing on both parts. I liked it.

Aaaaand over to the “they got sucked through a portal. Again.” part of the episode.

ah, zeppelins; the easiest shorthand for “alternate universe” there ever was

I do kind of like the sound of the Land of Untold Stories and I really, really hope this gets a little more fleshed out in the coming season. How do people end up there when they’re not sucked through Yet Another Portal Accident? Is this what happens to all stories that haven’t been written down by an Author, yet? Is Harry Potter in there somewhere?

So many questions, so little screentime… I’m not sure if I would have liked 8 episodes of stumbling around in this new world, but I would have liked to find out if I did. …listen, it made sense in my head.

This plotline included what is probably my biggest complaint about the writing this episode: Snow selling out Belle. Just… with little to no hesitation. Which is why blaming the writing and not her. If this was supposed to be some kind of big, dramatic moral dilemma, I expect we’d have seen at least some semblance of guilt on her part. Instead, she just told this clearly violent individual about the defenceless, sleeping-cursed pregnant woman within nanoseconds of him threatening Hook. I know Snow’s characterisation has been a bit inconsistent recently, but come on. This isn’t her, and I am disappointed that the show even tried to sell this to me.

And I think I would have believed the version where Snow just blurts out the information about Belle and later feels awful, because holy crap, how could she? (There’s… some precedent for poor judgment on Snow’s part when it comes to sharing information, after all.) But this wasn’t even a Thing for her. I just… ::frustrated noises:: why, show?

So, yeah, the Bad Guy kidnaps Belle. Well done, there. By the way, wasn’t it incredibly difficult at some point to make portals to the Land Without Magic? I get why portalling to Storybrooke would be easier—it’s got magic, after all. But hotel room 318, New York? I guess you could argue that the crystal brought the magic along, but still.

i giggled at this bit, i’m afraid. fellow cat owners will understand.

So, I’m not sure what the “intended” reading here is, but I find it interesting that Rumple seems to understand himself so much less than Hyde apparently does (prediction: they totally know each other; mostly because Rumple knows everyone—guy gets around…) So he went to protect the magic crystal, because what else would the thundering teleport-vortex of doom have come to steal? As has been noted before, Rumple doesn’t really go after people through their loved ones, with one very recent exception, and he had to ask his dad for help to come up with that one. The idea that someone would kidnap Belle to get whatever the hell they want from him, doesn’t seem to occur, even though it has happened multiple times, already. Just… maybe you should have kept that box in your coat pocket, my friend.

Yeah… this is sure going to be fun, I can already tell. What does Hyde want with Storybrooke, anyway? It’s been established that it has one of the least-fun-to-rule populations, and everyone and their dog has magic. Seems like a bad pick, overall.

You do you, though.

And from Jekyll and Hyde, we finally come to this…

that still looks so very unpleasant.

I’m… ambivalent about the personality split, and I really want to wait and see how it turns out. Clearly, this is a good way to have the Evil Queen around again without also having to sacrifice Regina’s redemption arc, which I’m grateful for, believe me. It’s bad enough to have one of my faves on a redemption-yoyo—no need to add a second one.

is it bad that i missed her?

OK, look I’ve seen this Star Trek episode. Ten bucks that it turns out the Evil Queen isn’t “just” Regina’s evil side, she also got many of her more forceful, but overall positive character traits, and both are less without the other, leading to them re-fusing or something. (Yes, wrong fandom. So sue me.)

��obviously, I’m willing to be surprised, but I like this version a lot more than the idea that you can just siphon out the “evil” parts of yourself. (Even Hyde wasn’t really Jekyll’s “evil” side—just the collection of his socially unacceptable traits made flesh. I only read an abridged version of that book, and that a while ago, but Jekyll still seemed like a bit of an ass to me.)

While we’re here: shoutout to Snow and her flask of cocoa-fortifier. That got a surprised (and amused) laugh out of me.

Also, do we want to talk about whether or not it’s healthy to be so at odds with a part of yourself that you think killing it is the best way to deal with it or…? ‘cause, honestly, I would like to talk about that. Seems like Regina is a lot less OK than she’d like others and herself to think…

yeah, that’s not a “finally i’m free!” face

So, cautiously optimistic about s6 so far. The villains definitely seem interesting, and this episode was a good reminder of what I liked about the character dynamic in the first place.

An addendum about 5B:

Goddamn, but this season dragged. There seems to be simultaneously too much plot for too little time and not enough plot to fill ten episodes. This is probably based in my personal biases for and against certain characters (and the fact that I was insanely busy and couldn’t watch the season all in one go), but… yeah, I’m kind of relieved it’s over, to be honest.

[bluerene]

river, epilogue [starx]

Welcome to the long overdue final part of River, lovelies! If you’re just joining, congratulations, you didn’t have to suffer through the terrible inconsistencies of my posting schedule. If you’ve been with me since the start: I AM SO SORRY AND I LOVE YOU. 

First, all my love to @fireflyxrebel because I literally only posted/wrote this with her enthusiasm in mind. @mysticalmeowler, you’re the sweetest fan of this story and your comments never fail to make me giddy! As always, @lightdusk96 gets a shoutout, because I don’t know anyone who cheers me on more than you, even when it’s for a pairing that disrupts your otp ;) LOVE YOU GUYS.

Parts one through five can be found here.  There’s a bonus chapter coming and I have a few river!universe short stories that are in the queue for posting, but I have a bunch of asks and prompts to get to first, so be patient <3

I hope you all enjoy the final chapter of River! It’s been a journey. As always, comments (good/bad/ugly) are appreciated!

bless, 

blue

She doesn’t suspect that I know the truth.

In her defense, I haven’t said anything. There was no confrontation, no blowout fight. Our relationship’s been on a web lately, too delicate to ruin with an argument regarding something that’s not my business.

Yeah, Starfire’s been seeing Red X. For at least three months, but probably longer.

I’ve never felt more weighed down in my life. It’s fucking pathetic really. I don’t know how to tell her that I saw them together.

It was bad. This was back when we were still bridging the gap in our friendship. The space between when I broke her heart in Tokyo and when she broke mine here. Star said she wasn’t feeling well so she shut herself up in her room for the night.

Things were different between us. Better, like the break in a bad storm, but different. She stopped freezing me out. I stopped pushing her boundaries. We were comfortable enough to the point where she would sit next to me at lunch and engage in conversation.

I guess I thought it was worth checking in on her.

But she wasn’t in her room. Her window was open the slightest bit and she’d ditched her communicator on the bed.

It wasn’t the first time she’d disappeared, but her tendency to vanish at odd hours had become more and more apparent as of late. I clipped her communicator to my belt and let Raven know that I’d be back in a few hours.

I wasn’t really expecting to find her. I just hoped that somehow, something would lead me there.

Somehow I wound up on the other side of the city, drawn to the bustle of nighttime movie-goers and partiers outside the strip of entertainment venues. I stayed in the shadows of alleyways, careful to avoid unwanted attention. And that’s when, on the rooftop of the cinema, her feet dangling over the edge as she observed the couples going to and from the site, I found her.

She wasn’t alone.

I couldn’t move at first. I’m glad I didn’t because my first instinct was to get up there and murder that smug asshole.

Then I rationalized. It could be that they were just friends. Or that he was bothering her and she was too polite to say anything to scare him off.

She threw her head back and laughed, smiling at him in a way I knew far too well. I watched her scoot closer to him, raising her hands to his face to lift the bottom of his mask.

I held my breath, eyes wide, heart racing when she closed her eyes and leaned in.

And she was kissing him. Starfire was kissing Red X. His arms curled around her shoulders, pulling her to his chest.

My anger dissolved instantaneously.. There was confusion. There was grief. I felt ill and hurt and unending. My stomach bottomed out, my brain when blank, my heart felt tight.

I went back to the Tower and headed straight to bed. It wasn’t real.

It couldn’t be.

She didn’t show up for breakfast. I stopped by her room and she still wasn’t there. She must’ve slept over.

The pit in my stomach grew heavier.

Starfire drifted into the living room around dinnertime the next day, feigning tiredness. I could see the happiness in her eyes. She sat next to me, chatting normally as if she hadn’t been out for the past day with someone else.

Too much.

The words I wanted to scream were stuck in my throat.

“- marvelous dream, I was reminded of the time when we all went to the movies and saw the flick of chicks -”

She was lying to my face.

“- enjoy the romance genre, Robin? You and Beast Boy and Cyborg did not seem to mind when we saw Love, Simon although you expressed your lack of interest before -”

Couldn’t she tell this was the last thing I wanted to talk about?

“Robin?” Starfire asked, touched my arm gently, concern evident in her expression. 

I slid my chair away from her as if I had been burned, pressing my lips together. 

“Sorry. I need to go.”

I stood up and stalked off towards the hallway, glancing for a moment to catch the hurt look in her eyes.

I should’ve said something then.

But I did what I usually do.

I walked away from her.

I wasn’t surprised to find Raven on the rooftop, waiting for me. She had weird look on her face, somewhere in the realm of sympathy and pity and frustration.

“You knew,” I said quietly. It wasn’t a question.

“I did,” she confirmed, “I’m sorry, Robin.”

“You should be,” I snapped, running a hand through my hair, “if you’d told me I could’ve done something. I wouldn’t have wasted so much time fighting with her. I wouldn’t have shut her out. Maybe then, she and I...things would be different.”

“Maybe so,” Raven said, tilting her head, “but it wasn’t my job to tell you. Whenever she was ready, she would’ve come out with the truth.”

“And until then? How long would you expect me to pretend I didn’t know where she went every night?”

“As long as she kept it secret. This isn’t about you anymore, Robin. Look,” she sighed heavily, stepping forward to touch my shoulder, “I know Tokyo ruined things for you guys. I know that Starfire struggled through it, and even though your actions said otherwise, you had a hard time working through things too. But she’s happy. Really happy.”

I jerked my arm away from her and moved closer to the edge of the tower, staring at the fading light on the horizon.

“I don’t know how serious she is about Red X. I don’t know if they have a future. What I do know is that part of her heart belongs to you, and it probably will forever. So instead of beating yourself up over what might have been, fight for what already exists.”

“If she’s with him it doesn’t really matter. It’s too late.”

Her eyes narrowed, the corner of her mouth turning down in disgust.

“Has anything even changed for you? Are you honestly ready to open up and be in a relationship with her? Because if you aren’t, if this is just...possessiveness, you need to get over it. Torturing yourself accomplishes nothing. You both deserve better than a realized love born out of jealousy.”

“You’re one to speak,” I bit back, “don’t pretend you aren’t all over Beast Boy when we go out and he gets swarmed by fangirls.”

“We aren’t here to talk about me, idiot,” she replied irritably, the pink stain on her cheeks betraying her demeanor, “I’ve made my case. Do what you will.”

She waved a hand, conjuring up a black portal behind her.

“You should know, Robin,” she said softly, wrapping herself up in her cloak, “Starfire hasn’t forgotten her feelings for you. That should mean something.”

The swirling disk of energy vanished once she stepped through, leaving me alone with her words ringing in my ears.

Raven was right, as usual. I missed my chance. Starfire was moving on, just as she should.

I stood there until long after the sun had set and the night sky glittered with stars. I thought about every mistake I ever made, every moment I let pass when I should’ve done something.

I thought about her, and the smile she had shared with Red X, the one that I thought belonged to me.

I didn’t know what I wanted from her, not really. I let my feelings fester for too long and root themselves too deep inside. Starfire was my escape from everything that twisted me up. My fears and anger and issues from the past all faded to nothing when I thought of her. And I could feel that slipping away from me too.

“I can’t let you go, Star, not yet,” I murmured.

I heard the door creak open. The cool evening air rippled around me as a soft thud came from behind.

“Robin,” she said quietly, “it is late.”

Her fingers curled around my shoulder gently, beckoning me to face her.

“I’ll be down in a minute.”

She was silent for a moment, releasing her grip on my cape and dragging her hand down to the exposed skin between my gloves and the hem of my sleeve. I shivered beneath her touch.

“Have I done something to upset you?”

I froze and shook my head quickly.

“Not at all, why’d you ask?”

“You will not look at me,” Starfire said sadly, squeezing my arm, “Robin, please.”

I sighed and turned my head, warmth flooding my chest as soon as my eyes met hers.

“I’m just tired, Star. It’s not you, I promise. I guess...things have been busy. I’m not feeling well. We haven’t really spent much time together either, y’know? I’m missing my best friend here.”

Yeah, I offered her a lump of excuses and finished it up with a nice dose of guilt. I’m an ass.

She blushed, clearly relieved by my words, though I could see it didn’t reach her eyes.

“I-I apologize,” she stammered, removing her hand and wrapping her arms around herself, “I have been preoccupied as of late.”

I wanted to ask her why she was busy, and who she was with, and what she thought she was doing. I wanted to stand there and tear into her for an answer, in hope that she could explain what I couldn’t seem to understand.

But I saw her lip quivering and the way she stared down at her shoes, willing me to change the subject. I knew this wasn’t what she had wanted for us.

“It’s no big deal,” I assured her, “maybe we can go to the park or something this weekend? We haven’t had a group picnic in a while.”

She lit up instantly, eyes shining with excitement as she clasped her hands together.

“That would be wondrous,” she chirped.

I laughed, enjoying her enthusiasm.

“Let’s do it then. Go and let the others know, I’ll come inside in a sec.”

Starfire nodded and floated into the air.

“I shall see you later.”

“G’night, Star.”

Raven’s words rang in my ears.

Fight for what already exists.

The truth is...I wasn’t sure if that's what I wanted either.

Nothing was different, not really. I wasn’t any more prepared to take on a relationship now than I was a year ago. She wasn’t any less persistent about what she wanted either. I was deluding myself if I thought I could somehow step up and replace Red X.

God, it sounds crazy doesn’t it? How did everything get so fucked?

I wanted Starfire to be mine without wanting to claim her. I wanted her friendship without wanting to be her friend. My priorities were so completely screwed, I couldn’t tell the difference between what was true and what was a lie.

She deserved better than my indecisiveness.

But she also deserved better than his deception.

Whatever the outcome was destined to be, I was certain of one thing.

Giving up on Starfire was not an option.

Not now, not ever.

[elizabethrobertajones]

Comparing Season 6 and Season 10 - which one do you think makes more sense as a whole, which one better pulls of seeming like what happened/was revealed at the end of the season is what was supposed to happen/was planned all along?

I may be biased, but for me, season 6 by miles. And almost all of that is Edlund desperately cramming everything that had happened so far into something that either made sense or handwaved why it didn’t make sense in an effectively emotional enough episode that by the end of TMWWBK you sort of feel like you’ve actually got your answers and Cas has been completely honest and open with YOU at least, making it that much easier to handle what was going on. 

I think for me season 10 was poorly handled in ways that weren’t particularly well addressed and the only offered explanation ever was “oh it was Amara after all” which in the context of season 11 gives us some more characterisation to begin to pull things together, though without addressing everything. Still if we’re dealing with things as a whole, season 10 doesn’t have an episode that scrapes everything together in the post-Edlund era and what we get only within the confines of season 10 is extremely unsatisfactory, even if later canon eases it a little bit, along with just… not being actively in SPN season 10 as it airs :P 

Going off my memories of being in the fandom at the time, we had a lot of issues with things like 

Dean’s incomplete demon reversal (so far as in 10x02, written by Dabb who invented the cure repeating the correct steps, then in 10x03 Buckleming not following through with them)

“the river ends at the source” “never mind I was screwing with you”

Did Cain still have the Mark after 9x11? lasting drama until 10x14, and still debated afterwards especially by people who had thought he didn’t have the Mark and had passed it entirely to Dean now being very confused  

What the fuck was this about Lucifer having the Mark and how did that last minute addition affect everything? 

the Colette parallel being wildly mis-applied by fandom but also issues with the show’s fear to explore it leading to “we are all the colette” episodes with lasting drama until 10x22, where Charlie, Sam and Cas all variously and persistently seemed to be suggested to be capable of being a team effort to pull Dean out of the darkness. 10x22 also wasn’t enough to stop Dean, and the final confrontation was with Sam, I think a general consensus was - especially again with season 11′s help - that the memory of Mary drew him back/unleashed Amara metaphorically who unleashed Mary literally - it wasn’t a great note to end on without season 11 context (as a whole, so, like, a whole YEAR later) that Sam had “won” the battle to bring Dean back from himself where Cas had failed, and the subtext and show and fandom most of all had made SUCH a huge deal out of Colette, after 9x11 over-told her story instead of retelling Cain & Abel, that it was set up with the expectation that saving Dean was a romantic quest, not a brotherly one. 10x14 sort of helped set things to rights with the list, but the fighting about what it all meant at the time was AWFUL, and though I think I was right and the show bore that out and these days I type it all with confidence, I’m pretty sure there’s a ton of buried wank about it that could be dragged out if we want >.>

the fact there wasn’t really an overarcing Mark of Cain plot except “Dean is suffering” with the only 3 actual plot points they could do with it being demon!Dean, kill Cain, and remove Mark. Because of that, everything else is literally set-dressing to fill the time and add drama in between, but these were played with poorly and there wasn’t any subterfuge we weren’t in on (i.e. sam stealing the book) vs Cas betraying both the Winchesters and US. The only retcon offered in the end was Death’s exposition about the Darkness.

people literally forgetting which order episodes came out in and being very confused about why Amara wasn’t released when Dean was 14 in 10x12 even though he didn’t kill Cain for 2 more episodes (like, within weeks of 10x14 airing, I swear)

the understandable disappearance of Cole but bizarre application of that hunter called Rudy who popped up in his place and featured in 10x23 along with Cas for Dean’s guilt trip. Even if Cole and TAW sucked ass, it’s much easier to understand the emotional impact of what happened to Rudy if you assume he has the exact same backstory as Cole and the same nonsense happened to Dean twice in the same year :P 

Pre-season hype about Rowena made a huge deal out of the Grand Coven, and for a brief moment it seemed like there might be a witch plotline, including new lore dumps about different types of witches in 10x07, characters like Olivette the Hamster, etc, but they squandered her first season and 10x19 was as close as we got to any pay off to her actual storyline

Then Oskaar happened and that was like ??? Okay just introduce him in the second to last episode and throw us into that emotional situation 

the entire cure coming out of nowhere as a random last minute macguffin instead of having been anything they put together over the season - even though the book of the damned thing showed up in 10x11 it changed substantially from the clue Charlie left with (a less than 100 year old book with a library reference number found on an antique rare book website, based on a real book, which we all picked over and were left wondering if the plot was to be about some sort of occultism thing as a result) to a much different lore. Then there were a few episodes dealing with it and the codex, the actual spell had no real struggle, and Crowley delivered all the pieces while Cas stood around scowling and Rowena stood around in chains eye-rolling. Compare season 13′s pacing with Sam and Dean cobbling together what they needed from halfway through the season, and being on the mission to get to the AU from episode 9, with relatively little of the endless sitting around googling and being frustrated of past seasons but ESPECIALLY season 10 where Sam was futilely trawling the results of googling “mark of cain” from mid-late season 9 through to like, 10x18 when an actual brief plot appeared around it directly. 

I think all of it points to a problem of working forwards from where they were instead of backwards to tidy up what was left. In season 6 Edlund took as many loose plot threads, from how Sam lost his soul, what was up with Crowley and Cas, the angel war, explanations for Sam and Samuel working together, why eve happened, everything, and put it all together to explain the elements of the season so far in a new light. Despite how disastrous that season was, PRETENDING you knew like you meant to do it all along glosses over inconsistencies in Samuel’s story or Cas and Crowley’s 6x10 interactions, and makes them relatively inconsequential when most of the details add up. 

The same thing works with the Lucifer as Sam’s vessel storyline, in the sense that while Azazel’s plan is fucking ridiculous in its over-complex bizarre attempt to find a worthy true vessel that Heaven had fated, comparing season 1-2 to season 5 head on is bad, each season explains itself from the last in enough of a way and with enough knowledge of what already happened that really despite vast inconsistencies in the lore, by 5x22 we are pretty much all on board to accept the way it all played out because they use what was previously written to build up Sam’s arc, and little details thrown in towards the end like Brady and then Lucifer revealing ALL of Sam’s closer rando peeps had been demons, tidy up more and more loose ends and there’s left with plausible deniability about a lot of the issues.

In season 10 they kept on introducing elements instead of working with what they had already established, and also discarded what seemed like major plot hooks for Rowena and Cole, one annoyingly, one completely metatextually understandably and fuck TAW, I’m glad the show never brought Cole back as soon as rumours of him groping fans appeared, and it makes me genuinely trust that the SPN set is a safe place. But yeah. 

Things they set up and could have worked with, were the Cas’s grace arc, which was resolved to a small personal satisfaction to Cas without any major plot impact except we could stop worrying about when Cas would get sick and die from bad grace, or steal more. 

The demon!Dean issue was bad writing from Buckleming re: was he still a demon or not, but given Dean was supposed to be struggling with succumbing to darkness the season actually kept him almost completely level without any significant relapses, even after killing Cain. The sense of needing a functional Dean Winchester to keep hunting monsters and prop up the show as both the carrier of the mytharc, the emotional core, and the go-between between Sam and Cas even when the show was trying to figure out if Sam and Cas could function without Dean, it was all still so much about Dean that in 10x21 when they’re doing the cringeworthy “for Dean” thing and Rowena rolls her eyes like “I barely know the man”, I was actually applauding Buckleming snark thinking they maybe briefly had a handle on how ridiculous Dean’s position in the narrative was. (Listen, this was the last 10 minutes of my innocence about how awful Buckleming could be, leave past!me alone. She’s sweet and precious and not bitter :P) In any case, a more effective season would have utilised him more to slip and slide between light and dark and explore it in much deeper detail, but balancing that with a procedural formula doesn’t work as well and they were lacking enough philosophers on staff. I think the Dabb era writing team could handle it, because Yockey, Perez, and Glynn especially, who seems to have a psychology background based on her writing, all have a sharp attention to the exact things in emotional arcs that would have made it work better, even just as it was. Since this was a weaker writing team where Robbie, Bobo and Dabb episodes were little islands of excellence and the motw were fun but more shallow even with strong foreshadowing themes, it just didn’t pay off. 

I think the biggest waste of time was “the river ends at the source” which was either Buckleming trying to introduce a concept and hoping someone else dealt with it, or an agreed plot hook which never materialised, or Metatron literally spoke the truth, that the line had only ever been written to mess with us. However 10x23 could have actually included more of a “river ends at the source” sort of slant and had Death confirm it in so many words because Amara really did sort of seem to be the answer to the question. In 10x10 it seemed like they knew where the season was going, but by 10x17 it was obvious they DIDN’T, and it was during 10x18 that the plot actually got hashed out and Robbie was handed heavy revisions to make to change the Stynes to end of season villains and the Book of the Damned was going to be used how it was. I think this is really weak plotting, as someone who always puts in fun lines and then attempts like crazy to pay off on them. My first novel has the line “you can’t talk to me yet” and I play through that the whole book until they CAN talk and make it a major motif, goal and in the end try to explain it as best I can about how it’s all plot relevant and why using that for tension to put off the explanations and such was a valid thing to throw at my main character, and then the springboard to more adventure when she was ready for it. I literally do not understand putting a portentous line into your story, and not becoming desperately eager to answer it or twist something into revealing how it all fits at the end, if not basing your entire story off of it. Sam and Dean seemed wildly uncurious about how to apply that or what it means. 

In season 6 one of the more frustrating things is the “it’s all about the souls” line because Dean fails to investigate until someone or other rolls their eyes and makes it all clear to him. But we get a few more reminders in Cas’s presence, until we find out his plan, and Crowley repeats that line in 6x20 when making his sales pitch to Cas, if I’m remembering rightly (I hope so :/) and so despite Dean’s infuriating lack of investigation (not that he had a great deal of leads, but still - you could build a plot around it by GIVING him a lead, he’s the fictional character and you’re the writer :P) at the very least they repeat the motif in at least 6x17 and 6x20 to my memory, before the souls thing becomes a lot more obvious about Cas taking the purgatory souls and we’re allowed to actually discuss what he’s up to instead of the vague hints Atropos and Rachel give that they know his plans. 6x07 also hints early on that Purgatory is full of monster souls if you add it all up - the writers knew they were doing SOMETHING with this even if it took to the end of the season for it to all come together. (And that’s something that’s clearly and overarcing plot that Gamble oversaw because she wrote 6x11 and the line then appears in multiple episodes around the place, so that’s not just something Edlund tidied up but an actual effort to write the season well.)

Throwing aside the “river ends at the source” line is wildly frustrating because it wouldn’t have been too hard to apply it thematically and even keep Metatron being a douche while giving the viewer a pay off anyway for our own satisfaction, by showing it had been a theme all along anyway. You CAN squint at season 10 and analyse it through that lens but it’s exhausting when the show doesn’t give us the themes on a platter. It also shows that the plotting is careless and they’re experimenting, and rather than working with what they have, this is in a path of episodes where they’re discarding some plotlines, and we’re beginning to have end of season plotlines hastily pasted onto the end of the season, but they make very little of any of the work already done to build up the season as we’d seen it so far.

Add onto that Charlie being murdered for manpain to motivate some things into action and all the random elements being used, and the sense that Crowley, Cas and Rowena all abruptly ran out of a plotline that had been intended to utilise them and put on a side character duty away from Sam and Dean, the season is extremely messily and carelessly written, and without any real attention to detail to its own themes and characters and plotlines. Even if they’d gone into the season not particularly expecting where to go, they brought a lot to the table early on but then quickly wiped a lot of it off, and brought a lot more stuff to the table instead, which makes season 10 a really wonky, unfinished feeling product as a thing on its own, and the overall story is scrappy and carelessly plotted.

And that is speaking just about the easy plot stuff without getting into the absolute mess of speculation from the Destiel side of fandom wondering wtf was going on with the seeming build up to crypt scenes, colette, the grace cure, etc, that made up the bulk of the speculation but makes actually analysing expectations vs presented product completely impossible to evaluate on that side of things because as always Destiel speculation really overshoots what is expected and was really running wild at that point. I mean, not being judgemental because that was the year I was right in the thick of it. 3 years clear of it now, some of it seems really silly, but those 3 things all seemed clearly built up to our eyes, and we got the reverse crypt scene we’d been expecting since before the season started, and we got the Colette reference which slotted Cas firmly into place as a reminder of how Cain’s peeps lined up against Dean’s, as well as Cas asking Dean to stop, which satisfied the terms and conditions of Dean resisting walking in Cain’s footsteps with the overall set up of the scene. With the way Cas got his grace back and then some other rando cure popped up where Rowena of all people made the sacrifice, I really can’t help feeling like the conspiracy theorist who knows they were right but with the way it all shook out, only people who knew the conspiracy would understand how it didn’t happen and it’s very hard for me to look at that and say that some non-Cas-related cure was coming all along, given the conspicuous dropping of one plotline sort of day of picking up the next >.> But I’ll cede that from my position I might be a bit compromised on that one. 

Anyways. To me season 10 is a disaster that only season 11 really justifies, while season 6 has some truly low points but in the end the actual writing skill hauls it through so that it creates the illusion that there was consistency, if you ignore everything outside of the text suggesting it may have been as poorly planned as season 10. Planning isn’t everything - it’s what you do when confronted with the unplanned wire tangle in front of you that really marks how well they were written, and just shoving it under the table and putting a new wire tangle down vs actually unpicking it and making them as neat as possible? Gamble slam dunks Carver :P

[impishnature]

Please Let Me Wake (P.3)

AO3

Rating: T+

Summary:  Some nights I don’t want to sleep for fear of nightmares… But at the same time I can’t seem to wake from them either. Sometimes the monsters from the past and present are indistinguishable. And unfortunately for Stan and Ford- nightmares aren’t always picky.

AN: Final chapter before comfort happens. As before, warnings for panic and peril. 

Part 3: It lurks and lingers in the darkness

.

Ford groaned as he woke up from a disturbed slumber.

It wasn't the first night it had happened, nor did he assume it would be the last.

The nightmares had only gotten worse since Weirdmaggedon. He'd hoped that wouldn't be the case. Hoped his anxious, nervous doubts would finally leave him be, knowing that Bill had been defeated once and for all. He'd hoped that the stress of the rift, the stress of knowing that at any second, the smallest crack in the glass of his defences would lead to the worlds untimely demise would lift from his shoulders like an unwelcome weight once they had succeeded. Once they had won.

Because they had won.

They had done it. They had beaten Bill, locked him away, melted him into oblivion inside Stan's mind. All his minions had been dragged back through the rift, every molecule of unnatural weirdness whisked back through and restoring their, albeit strange, town back to the way it was before.

Well... mostly back to the way things were before.

The Shack had suffered a lot of damage, a husk of it's former self. From what Ford had later heard, they had used so much of it to rescue him it was no wonder it hadn't been restored along with the rest of the town. It made his heart sink to think about now. He'd hated what his home had become, what his brother had reduced his life's works too, but now... Now that it had gone, ripped apart all for his sake... Reduced to rubble, nothing left to show of everything his brother had achieved over thirty years...

It seemed so small, so insignificant against the fate of the world. If he held them up against one another he could logically tell himself this was how things had to be, that it was a small price to pay, especially in regards to other prices they had had to pay.

...So why did it hurt so much? Why even now did his mind point out the inconsistencies? The empty spaces where things used to be that no longer existed?

Why had watching his family walk back into the derelict remains made his stomach sink, falling through the floor before continuing to sink far below the earth? Why had his heart lodged in his throat and his eyes threatened to water as his brother had stumbled through the broken front door and made his haphazard way over to a familiar chair, covered in debris?

...Perhaps it was because of what else it all seemed to stand for.

Watching his family had seemed like listening to a familiar song through a radio that refused to be tuned. White noise clouded every beat and hum with crackles of distortion until the name of the song sat on the tip of his tongue, just barely recognizable if he listened closely enough.

But things- houses, businesses, exhibits- they could all be remade. In fact, there were so many people happy to help, so many townspeople doing everything they could to make sure the building was restored to it's former glory.

So many people who cared. As much as it hurt that it had been destroyed in the first place, that horrible twisting guilt that in hindsight made him wish he'd never said those hurtful things, he was grateful and humbled by just how many people wanted- no, needed- to help get the Mystery Shack back up and running.

So many people who needed to help get him back on his feet again.

Because the Shack wasn't all that had not returned to it's former glory.

Stan had been lost too.

Well, not lost perhaps. Not entirely. He was still with them, just... not himself. ​

Everything that made him him had been burned away, melted along with Bill inside his own skull, all in an attempt to save the rest of them, to fix his mistakes and save the world.

His brother had sacrificed everything but his life, though Ford was sure he would have given that too if the moment had called for it.

And that was a much harder pill to swallow. A much harder notion to struggle through than a building that could be replaced- rebuilt, and reshaped.

He wasn't sure the same could be said for Stan's memories.

It seemed to have amped up his nightmares even more. Instead of their success giving him a reprieve from restless nights, the sacrifices had only twisted them further. An anxious fizzle of pain buzzed through his nerves even whilst he slept, the sudden jolting realisation that Stan had done everything he could to bring him home safe and sound, that he had spent thirty years of his life doing that no matter what the consequences were. That he had risked everything to fix his mistakes and take Bill down with him.

That it didn't matter who had started what in the end because Stan had decided he was going to finish it for both of them.

And he had. Bill was gone.

But so was Stan.

It was hard enough to even get to sleep. The spiralling thoughts that took him down, deeper and deeper in the dead of night, kept him blinking up at the ceiling, willing his brain to stop thinking because there was nothing he could do, not then, not whilst the rest of the house slept. In fact he wouldn't be able to help with anything at all unless he got some rest and yet still his brain went on, thought after thought, snapping through his synapses and ignoring his pleas to think of something else, to stop just for a peaceful moment.

He hated the quiet. The dark silence when everyone else slept, when the house no longer felt like a home filled with his family and instead closed in around him, hissing out that none of this would have happened if not for-

And it hurt. God, did it hurt to realise in hindsight that Stan had always, always been by his side. That everything he had done had been for him. That he would never have intentionally sabotaged him, and that condemning him for the rest of his life for something a child had done- barely seventeen- it was hardly fair. People messed up, time and time again. He could admit that he had made more mistakes than most, and more grievous ones for that matter.

But most people didn't get kicked out for that. Most people had a chance to redeem themselves.

And it all flooded back, all those misgivings. If only he had been less sleep deprived, if only he could have thought when he called his brother to his aid ten years later. His brother had come running, only to be told to leave again with an item he had no prior knowledge about. He had no idea why Ford was so stressed, he had no idea what mess he'd gotten himself into and Ford had just expected him to jump when he told him to. Had expected him not to question it- as if he himself wouldn't have questioned everything if it had been the other way around!

If he had just sat Stan down, told him everything- even an abridged version, a terrible research partner who was ruining his life and trying to steal his life's work, someone who wished to use the knowledge for horrific reasons instead of what it had been intended for- then maybe he would have been more understanding, maybe he would have come up with other options, answers they both could have discussed and ironed out.

Had he really expected Stan to just trudge back out into the snow with his journal? To leave him after their strange reunion without a backwards glance?

...He wasn't even sure anymore. It felt so long ago. He'd thought it had been so fresh in his mind all these years, his anger and disappointment colouring the memory into realistic flesh whenever it fizzled back to the surface.

But now he could see that all his anger had done was distort it, a hollow image he played out time and time again, coloured the emotions into bright sparks of bitter betrayal and frustration and blurred out all the details into ash and smoke with every retelling.

He didn't even really remember making the decision to contact his brother, not anymore. But his musings so many years later and with more warmth behind them, were sadly heartened by the thought that maybe, just maybe, even then his subconscious had known who he could count on in his hour of need. That even after what had been such a betrayal when they were younger, his brain had still told him that Stan was who he should reach out to for help.

The strange bittersweet warmth the notion brought forth, quickly shrivelled up and died, cold shame clawing where it had lain until nothing but bloody ice remained.

After all, he had ruined that chance. After ten years of nothing his brother had still answered that call- and how had he shown his gratitude? By telling him to leave again. By telling him it was the first worthwhile thing he'd have ever done in his life.

Really, as much as he'd hoped for inner peace now that the world had been saved, he knew deep down that it was little wonder that the opposite had occurred.

It was like a switch had been flicked, a myriad of different voices that had been squashed and ignored over the years bursting out of the dam he'd hidden them behind to flood his head with everything he didn't want to think about.

So many what ifs and could haves/ should haves occupied his mind now, so many more than before Weirdmaggedon. Everything had been so black and white before. Everything had made sense before. Stan had been in the wrong, he had always been right about him, it had just been so plain and simple. Over and over again, throughout their lives his brother had been to blame, and he had been right at every turn. He'd given Stan chances that he had then ruined. Sure, even then he'd known he had some part to play in it all but really if Stan had only listened, if Stan had only taken a step back and thought about it all, then maybe things could have changed for the better. The onus had always been on Stan, what he could and should have done, and the responsibility had almost never lay with himself.

Now it was all so different and strange. Everything was a swirl of grey, a pattern of bad decisions and terrible accidents that led them to where they were now.

He sometimes couldn't tell whether he had muddied the waters with the new perspective, or brought all the things he'd never noticed before into sharp relief.

But the subconscious knife to his gut wasn't any of that, the one that twisted and turned and made his sleep less than peaceful. He could pinpoint where things went wrong between them, could pinpoint all the dominoes that fell as they trekked their way through their lives and honestly, the grey at least gave him some relief. He wasn't entirely to blame, some things happened that you just couldn't change, and the others - well they had both been teenagers, barely adults, unreasonable and quick to anger. He had lost his chance to get out of their little town, to show the world what he could do, what he could achieve if only given the chance- he was allowed to be angry at that moment. And Stan? Stan had been scared of the future, scared of where he was headed and that everything he had pinned his hopes on was slipping between his fingers- and that had been allowed too.

They had just been kids. Kids made mistakes. Kids didn't think things through, didn't think to talk about what was bothering them until it was too late because that's what they'd been taught, that was how the world worked as far as they knew.

Boys would be boys. Boys didn't cry.

Men kept their emotions close to their chest.

As much as he could see how wrong that had all been now, he could reconcile with that knowledge, reconcile with the past and know that they had both made mistakes.

But there was one thing he couldn't accept. One thought that swirled inside his core, the one that he pushed away again and again whenever it reared its ugly head, and instead tried his best to focus on helping his brother return to them once more. Tried his best to do whatever he could to alleviate the vicious venom that dripped from the voice inside his skull.

And that was the simple and undeniable truth: That if he hadn't been tricked by Bill in the first place, his brother would never have had to lose his memory to defeat him.

It lingered, in the back of his mind, ready and waiting for him to let down his guard. A poisonous seed that blossomed in the darkness. Every step back in his brothers recollection, every defeated and irritated sigh or blank guilty stare, watered it just a little bit more. Stan's memories were coming back in leaps and bounds, but it didn't stop him from wanting to be himself again faster. Ford knew it was for the sake of the kids- Stan had always hated disappointing them and even in this state he wanted nothing more than to make them happy, wanted nothing more than to be who they needed him to be.

And every time he saw Stan falter, the knife dug that little deeper.

He was sure Stan saw it, sure he realised that it hurt when he didn't remember because he tried his best to laugh it off, tried his best not to show how it was affecting him as well.

And Ford knew it must be, of course it must affect him too. He couldn't bear to think about it all, even with his skull so full of buzzing thoughts as his mind ran once more through every detail in his memories, he would never wish for a blank slate, couldn't begin to dream of a numb void. Every time his thought process even so much as insinuated that ignorance at this point would be bliss, everything inside him shut down, snapping every trailing thread in it's tracks.

And yet Stan carried on, as if it were them that were bearing the brunt of all of this, as if he was better off than them.

He had even apologised when the twins were out of the way, a quiet hesitant tone that didn't fit him and made Ford pause, not knowing if he'd even really heard it.

But then he'd repeated himself and that had been worse.

Stan shouldn't be apologising to him. Not him. He shouldn't be apologising to the person who-

And yet he kept doing it. Over and over again. Apology after apology.

Ford swallowed down the lump in his throat at the notion. That his brother was asking for forgiveness for something he had done to him, for something he could do nothing about and yet was trying his best to push through.

Really, with all of that on his mind- it was little wonder he still had nightmares.

Though, he wasn't completely sure if he actually dreamt anymore. It was always a blur of colours and nonsensical broken images when he woke up, remnants that quickly vanished back into the ether as he jumped up, startled and covered in a cold sweat, his body shaking with sparking nerves that took an age to dissipate, but at what he didn't know.

He could guess what the dreams had been about, was partially glad that his brain didn't make him remember them in vivid detail. The images that haunted him whenever he closed his eyes would be enough to give anyone nightmares- gun in hand, his brother's prone body before him as he prepared to do something he knew he would never be able to forget, never be able to take back, a decision that would haunt him for the rest of his days.

Things would be better, once Stan remembered everything- then he could talk to him about that decision properly, could discuss everything in length and apologise even if it meant Stan laughing and telling him off.

He could hear it now, that bark of surprised laugh.

"What are you talking about, Sixer? It was my idea!"

Until he was back though, the thoughts lingered and swirled, a dark ever present guilt that couldn't be completely forced away.

Because Stan wasn't completely with them either.

And so the two sat in limbo, never truly out of his thoughts but ever so slightly out of his reach.

It was exhausting really, an ever present push pull motion inside his very skull.

He sighed as he sat up, the buzzing of his brain back in full force, his body tired and bored of the repetitive nature that his nights had become.

First there was the jolting dream that wouldn't stay with him, and then next...

"I know you're not real." Ford mused the thought out loud, let the words sit heavily in the silent air around him.

He didn't feel the need to grab his glasses, or scuttle quickly to the light like he had on nights before.

He was growing too used to the strange assortment of creatures that were infecting that moment between sleep and wakefulness. He hardly ever woke up to an empty room anymore. An infestation of shadows that only made themselves known in the dead of night.

Tonight, it bubbled in the corner of the room, just on his peripheral. Shifting and changing, an eldritch horror that he couldn't quite describe or distinguish, especially without looking at it directly. It overtook the cabinet he had there, grew up and up until it reached the ceiling like some monstrous potted plant. But it buzzed and crackled, gurgling as it moved and grew, long tangling vines, thorns that moved and clicked, changing to hooked claws and back again, ever shifting, ever growing, pulsing intermittently. He couldn't even distinguish a colour, reds and blacks and greens morphing and flowing, ever changing as it swayed in a non-existent breeze. And yet in another moment of trying and failing to ignore its presence, he wasn't sure it was plant matter at all, just a fizzling block of colour and sharp spikes just waiting for him to acknowledge it. And he knew he could, he knew that if he looked at it, it would come into frame, come into focus, reveal itself for what it really was- but doing so would give it power. Doing so would make it more real than he knew it was.

Because it wasn't real. It was just another figment. Just another nightmare after a long string of nightmares.

And frankly - he was far too tired of them all to be scared of, what amounted to, a large potted plant from some corner of the multiverse finding its way into his bedroom.

He scrubbed at his eyes as he stood up, still refusing to even glance at it, taking the initiative to prove to himself it wasn't real and also that he was no longer afraid of these strange anomalies that had taken to frequenting his first waking moments.

Whatever it was, he was sure it would be gone when he returned from a quick walk to clear his thoughts.

It wasn't real, it would be gone once he had taken a breather and felt ready to sleep again.

So what if he left his glasses off, clasped tight in his hand as he did so to make sure that whatever it was couldn't come into focus?

So what if as he walked towards his door, fully intent on ignoring it, he made sure to shuffle in an arc around it, giving it as wide a berth as he could as he shuffled to the closed door that stood beside it?

He was still proving his point. In fact he was doing better than that. If his point was wrong, he was still keeping his distance, keeping himself safe from harm.

Stan would have liked that. He would have laughed at him, a lot, but the thought would have counted.

In hindsight, his actions would amuse him. In hindsight, he might tell Stan about it months later just to see him laugh and for both of them to wish he'd had a camera set up so they could both watch as he walked around his room in a wide circle to avoid an invisible monster in the corner of the room.

For now though- he would just be sleepily proud of himself for taking those steps and leaving the room and the creature behind, assured that the creature was just in his head without having to prove it to his senses.

He walked on autopilot, no real focus in mind as he stumbled around. He had no destination, just an urge that needed to be thwarted. There was a strange fizzling buzz in his peripheral as he walked, a questioning noise that he responded to without thought as he strode through the hallways and doubled back on himself.

The sound came again, almost a voice, almost a query but though he heard it, his brain didn't really process the noise, or at least not consciously. He muttered back once more, a reassurance, though to himself or to the noise he wasn't quite sure as he wandered back to his bedroom.

He gave a relieved sigh as he pushed the door open all the way, watched the light pool and spill from the hallway and into his now once more innocuous room as his eyes adjusted.

The cabinet beside his door was empty once more, the top completely clear except for a few half finished projects and a smattering of papers. There was no strange bubbling monstrosity in sight, no creeping vines or pulsing tendrils- just his quiet, dark room, ready and calling to him to return and rest.

He gave a shaky smile, slipping inside, softly berating himself for his moment of weakness, even with the tingle of proud relief that his idea had succeeded. He turned towards the door, closing it as quietly as possible as he did so, his thoughts shifting back to thoughts of sleep and rest and-

As his door closed with a soft click, a deep reverberating growl echoed behind him.

His heart stopped, lodging in his throat as the growl petered off. It was a vicious sound, a snarl of venom as if his actions had offended it, as if he had trapped a creature he shouldn't have, one that did not like to be backed into a corner. He could feel the presence at his back, could sense where the noise had come from as his eyes widened and his breathing hitched.

He spun as quickly as possible, hand automatically going to the light switch within reach, the warm glow dousing the room in light just as quickly as he had shut it into darkness-

The room was empty.

He swallowed past the lump in his throat, eyes darting around as he pressed back into the door, hand fumbling for the handle. His mind raced through every creature, both normal and anomalous, in this dimension that could make that noise, one that was small enough to hide. But there was nowhere to hide, he'd made sure of that. He could make a quick circuit of his room and find nothing- and he knew he'd find nothing, he knew that-

But somehow he didn't know whether or not that made it worse.

He found the door handle after a few tense seconds, gripped it tightly as he tried to yank it open against his own body weight, not quite yet willing to turn his back on the open space before him. It felt like such a risk, such a gamble. Was it all in his head? All just his mind playing tricks on him, not quite awake even as he wandered?

Or was there something there? Was there something waiting for him to turn his back, to let his guard down? Ready to bite and tear and-

The door hit him square in the back, knocking the freezing fog, that had been infesting his brain, out through his lips. He took the call for what it was, darting back out of the room and slamming the door without a thought, holding onto the handle, keeping it pulled shut, just in case whatever was in there decided to try and pull back.

He stood there for a few seconds, breathing heavily, head resting on the wood of the door as he waited for something- anything to happen.

It couldn't just be that, it couldn't be over. Whatever this was, it had to have a reason-

"So... I'm gonna guess you're not fine, after all?"

.

AN: Another dream of mine. There was something at the end of my bed and my door is also at end of bed- so i scuttled in the biggest arc around the thing, grumbling at it all the while for being /not there really/. And when I came back it was gone, breathed a sigh of relief- and heard the weirdest growl just when i turned the light off and closed my door 8D I have no idea. Thanks brain.

Also my brain is unhappy right now so I’m gonna go. I’m hoping that this note isn’t gibberish cause everything’s a bit spinny.