#the gifs don's do this justice but i tried anyway

[befickleforever]

[halsteadlover]

Shadows From The Past

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Fem!Reader.

• Requested by anon: I don’t really know if this is how you make a request if it’s not correct me but would you possibly be able to write one where Jay has an episode because of a criminal that took tours in Afghanistan as well, like an episode in the show in season 5 I think. Where the criminal gets shot and dies and J is the only one there and you go to check up on him and he points gun at you because he’s having an episode idk I really don’t know, but could it end in him apologizing a lot and feeling really bad then just cuddles?? Thank u and uh if you see this could you pls just remind me when it’s done possibly. Thank you so much!!!❤️

• Warnings: mention of blood, gun, PTSD.

• Word count: 5825.

• A/N: hi everyone! Long time no see. I know this is ugly af but I tried my best. I hope you’ll like this piece anyway, please let me know what you think. Comment, like, reblog if you want this would be amazing! Thank you so much for your support, and for everyone who stayed even if I upload once every 100 years 😭 I love you all so much ❤️

Jay had always tried to do his job the best he could, giving everything in his power to every case he worked on, always trying to focus on nothing but bringing justice to the poor victims. He had always tried to be as objective as possible, leaving emotions out and thinking and planning every move to make lucidly. Some cases were easier, others a little less.

There were moments of his life, some shadows of his past, that still echoed in his present. They sometimes came back so strong and overbearing, they made him risk his present, all his progress and happiness, even his future.

And the case he was working on was one of those moments.

Following the discovery of a man's body, Intelligence was assigned to investigate this case. After questioning witnesses, analyzing the victim's life, talking to family and friends, suspicion fell on a person Jay met while serving overseas in Afghanistan. In fact, Don Stanton had served in the 3rd Battalion of the 75th Ranger Regiment at the same time as Jay, but he had never had the opportunity to speak in depth with him.

In fact, after returning home, Don didn't do too well, soon spiraling into drug, alcohol and illegal dealings.

From the moment they found out about this suspect, Jay felt something stir inside him, though he didn't know exactly what. He tried to disguise it or he would’ve estranged from the case but he couldn't hide his feelings from you, who knew him like the back of your hand and had learned to know every single nuance of him and recognize when something bothered him.

To try to get Don to confess, Jay offered to go undercover, build a relationship with him in a way that would make him trust him, and no one could be perfect for this role except someone who had gone through the exact same shit during the war as Jay.

It goes without saying that you didn’t agree with this decision at all and Voight would’ve even agreed with you if this wasn’t the only lead you got to catch the killer.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” you asked Jay as you adjusted his hidden microphone in his shirt. “You can always back out, someone else will go or we will find other leads to catch him.”

Jay sighed. “It's an undercover operation like any other Y/N, if anyone can do it it's me.”

You looked up at him, your hands still on his chest as you tried to analyze his expression on his face. “No baby, it's not an operation like any other. The suspect served in your own battalion, you met him and you can tell from a mile away you're upset about…-”

“Goddamn Y/N stop it! You've been asking me if I'm okay since this morning! I'm fine, I don't need a babysitter!” he snapped raising his voice and this sudden outburst made you withdraw your hands in shock.

Jay immediately regretted those words the instant he said them. He noticed the sad expression that appeared on your features and felt guilty like few other times in his life. “Baby… Shit…” he sighed again, running his hands over his face in frustration. He cupped your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I don't know what has gotten into me. I’m sorry baby.”

You remained silent for a few seconds, looking at him for a moment before speaking. “Jay I'm just worried about you, I know it's hard for you but I want to help you… It breaks my heart seeing you like this,” you mumbled softly, your throat tight in a knot, your heart heavy.

“I know, I know, I’m so sorry love. Come here,” he whispered, pulling you into a hug and holding you with all the love he could. “It'll be okay. I can do it. You don't know what people like him are like, like me, he won't trust anyone and if there's someone who can make him confess it’s me. We served together, we saw the same crap, I can understand him,” he continued, pulling away from the hug and looking into your eyes.

You looked at him intensely, as if you wanted to read inside him, trying to discover a shred of hesitation or uncertainty.

“Jay, you are not like him, he is an alleged murderer, drug addict and alcoholic, you are a decorated detective. Don't even think for a second you're like him, okay?”.

He caressed your hair, and then nodded, smiling slightly. “I know, I know.”

“If something, anything, goes wrong you're out, you understand me?” you threatened him, pointing a finger at his chest.

He chuckled, caressing your cheeks. “Yes ma'am. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

If only he believed it too.

The truth was, Jay's mind was racing and image after image, memory after memory, everything seemed to be resurfacing, moments of the past he wanted to forget at all costs but which was about to overwhelm him like a river in flood.

He didn't want to talk to you about it, he knew he'd get over it – just like he had all time – he didn't want to worry you any more than you already were.

While he was in the car waiting for Don Stanton to show up, he read the message you sent and a small smile crept onto his lips.

From Baby D💕, 3.13pm

Be careful love. I'm here for whatever you need. I love you.

That message made the abyss in his heart grow and a feeling of guilt took over him. But the way he loved you, God, he didn’t know what he would’ve done without you.

From Jay, 3:16pm

I love you too babe, more than anything and everyone. Everything will be okay.

He put the cell phone back in his trouser pocket, trying to concentrate exclusively on the case. He sat in the car for about ten minutes before seeing Don in the distance. He looked around suspiciously before approaching Jay's car and quickly getting in.

“Drive,” Don ordered, and Jay gave him a confused look.

“Where? What is going on?”.

Don snapped his eyes at Jay. “Didn't you say you wanted a job? Drive then. Go straight, at the first crossroads turn left, I'll tell you from there where to go next.”

Jay understood there was no way to get an explanation and after letting out a sigh, he started driving, aware that you and the rest of the team would’ve followed him from afar.

After driving for about twenty minutes, he and Don arrived at an abandoned building. It looked shabby and it must’ve been unused for at least twenty years.

“What the hell is going on Stanton?” Jay asked, for the umpteenth time. Don stopped in his footsteps, turning to him, looking annoyed and angry.

“What part of ‘I'll explain in a moment’ you don’t understand?”.

“I won’t do anything until you explain to me what hell is going on. This place is clearly a mile away from legality and I'm not risking my ass for whatever bullshit is going on here. So either tell me what's going on or I'm out.”

Don sighed, glancing between Jay and the building, looking uncertain, even almost frightened. Jay noticed this and realized whatever was going on, they weren't alone and that there was nothing good about that abandoned building.

He approached Jay, walking fast and hands in his trouser pockets. “Then leave.”

“C'mon man talk to me...”.

“Damn it! I'm in deep shit man, I can't back out!” he exclaimed in despair.

“Why? What did you do?”.

They were all at the edge of their chairs as they listened through Jay's microphone conversation, knowing that a little nudge was enough to get Don Stanton to confess.

“Don, talk to me. I can help you, I know you're not doing well, I totally understand. You don't have to do anything, whatever it is...”

“You can't help me… I… I fucking killed a man!” Stanton exclaimed loudly, running his hands through his hair “But it wasn't my fault! They forced me! I… I really needed the money…”

There were some moments of silence in which you and Voight exchanged a look. He confessed, but why didn't Jay arrest him?

“What are we going to do here Don?” Jay asked, trying to stay calm as his heart was pounding.

“They gave me another job. A gang member… They want me to kill him and they’ll pay me almost ten thousand dollars.”

“Don, for fucks sale! No life is worth this money! How can you do this? You were a fucking soldier, you risked your life to protect others, to protect this country and now you're the one hurting people!” Jay exclaimed, more angrily than he would’ve liked.

“I know! I know! They've foreclosed on my house… I'm out of money… I need it man…” Don muttered.

“Halstead what are you waiting for? Handcuff him,” Voight ordered over his mic but Jay didn't seem to listen, in fact, he didn't even seem to be on this planet anymore.

You were worried sick, your stomach was in a vice. You knew Jay couldn't do this, he was too involved to be able to deal with all of this, to deal with his past.

“Voight we have to do something,” you said, turning to your now impatient boss.

“Let's just wait few seconds.”

But when you saw Jay enter the building your heart stopped for an instant and fear took over. Before Voight could say anything, you leapt out of the car at lightning speed, waiting for no one, thinking of no one but Jay.

You pulled out your gun from your holster before entering the abandoned building. It was larger than it appeared externally and at first sight there was no sign of Jay.

Your heart was beating so hard you could hear it pounding in your ears and with every step you took, fear ate you more and more. What the hell was he thinking? Why did he come in here alone with a criminal?

As you climbed the creaking stairs to the first floor, a shot rang out from the walls and you jumped. “Oh my god,” you murmured in a trembling voice before starting to run as fast as possible towards the place where the shot came from. Your mind began to project images of Jay lying in a pool of his own blood, dying, and the very thought made you die inside.

God let him be okay, please.

Once you climbed to the third floor, however, you saw him in the distance but before you could take a step towards him or even take a sigh of relief, a bullet was fired in your direction, forcing you to take cover behind a pillar.

A gun fight with some men ensued, and though you knew you had to focus on saving your own life, you couldn't help but glance at Jay from time to time, noticing him hunched over Don Stanton, trying to revive him.

The rest of the squad arrived at that moment and you managed to take down three men who were shooting at you. You approached Jay while the others explored the rest of the building for anything suspect.

“Jay,” you called but he didn't seem to hear you as he tried to stop Stanton's bleeding, “Jay,” you called him out again but still nothing, no answer. So you placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to make him aware of your presence but that touch made him stiffen and you almost had a heart attack when he pulled out his gun and turned, pointing it at you.

“Woah!” you exclaimed loudly, spontaneously raising your hands to let him know you were unarmed, “Jay, what the hell are you doing?!”.

His gaze was fixed on you but he wasn't really looking at you, his eyes were empty, without the light that characterizes them, his forehead was wet with sweat as his chest rose and fell quickly as if he had run a marathon.

“Jay put that gun down. It's just me. Can you hear me? Everything is fine.”

You continued to speak but your voice reached far into his ears which continued to ring incessantly. You didn't dare take a wrong step, or try to get him to put down his gun because you knew Jay wasn't there right now, that his mind was unconscious and his body uncontrollable. He was still in war and he saw you like an enemy and not his girlfriend.

But that didn't make the moment any less scary.

Jay, the person you most trusted in the world, with whom you felt safest, was pointing a gun at you and anything could trigger him to shoot you. You've never felt so small and helpless, even after facing the most dangerous and depraved criminals, you felt so scared and intimidated.

He'd had similar episodes, where the PTSD made him lose touch with reality, but he'd never come to that, never pointing a gun at you and threatening to hurt you.

“Jay!” you almost screamed and only then did Jay seem to come to his senses.

When he realized he was pointing his gun at you a wave of guilt fully overwhelmed him and he dropped the gun from his hands in disbelief at what he had just done.

What the hell had he been up to? Was he really point a gun at you? The love of his life?

He couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe he was capable of doing such a thing and as he watched your face contorted in an expression of pure fear and terror, as he watched you back away until you ran away, he realized he seriously needed help.

-

The case was finally closed but never like then it left you an unbridgeable abyss inside you.

Since you'd left that building you'd been trying to avoid Jay even though he'd been trying hard to talk to you. You knew it wasn't his fault, that what happened was just a consequence of everything he'd been through, that knowingly he wouldn't do anything that could hurt you.

But that episode had shocked you more than you could ever admit and the image of that gun pointed at you continued to haunt your mind.

You were at your house, sitting on the couch staring at nothing in particular, contemplating whether to respond to Jay's many texts and calls. You knew you had to talk to him, you couldn't avoid him forever, but you needed some alone time first, to digest everything that had happened.

But when the bell rang you understood this was not going to happen.

You stood up and your heart skipped a beat when you saw through the peephole it was Jay. You took a deep breath and opened the door, realizing you couldn't avoid him forever and sooner or later you had to deal with the confrontation.

Jay was a walking disaster.

He didn't know what to say, what to do, how to act and especially when he noticed the way you kept avoiding his gaze, he panicked even more. You made room for him to enter and he felt his heart break when, in an attempt to say hi, you pulled back slightly.

“Uhm… Hi… Come in,” you murmured nervously before going to sit back on the sofa.

Jay closed the door behind him, walking over and sitting next to you. You brought your knees to your chest and he didn’t miss this gesture, he didn't miss the way you tried to distance yourself from him, how you tried to protect yourself by moving away from him.

“How are you feeling?” you asked feebly, finally looking up at him and a chasm opened inside you as you saw his tired, destroyed eyes, the melancholy expression on his face.

“I'm fine but...”

“No Jay,” you interrupted him “Don't start with these lies, you know I can't stand them. You pointed a damn gun at me, you are definitely not fine.”

You knew it was tough, but it was time for him to face the shadows of his past that kept haunting him, it was time for him to face reality and realize he wasn't good at all, that he kept lying to himself and pretending to be in a state of well-being which, unfortunately, wasn’t true at all.

He sighed and it was him who lowered his gaze that time, unable to look in your eyes anymore. He rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans before resting his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. He was silent for a moment before returning to his previous position.

“You're right…” he murmured, almost afraid to admit it aloud, “I… I'm not okay I know, I’ve realized it… But Y/N, darling, I just want you to know I would’ve never done that… I would never hurt you…”

“Jay…” you sighed “I know that, but… But what if you won't regain control of yourself next time? What if you won’t come to your senses and shoot me?”

“No! No! Fuck… This will never happen again, I swear…”

“And how do you know this, Jay?” you asked, a lump in your throat, eyes brimming with tears as you tried to hold them back. “How do you know you’ll be able to stop the next time that in the grip of a similar episode you’ll point a gun at me again?”.

Jay had never experienced a worse feeling in his life. He always promised himself he would given his life to protect you, that he’d do everything in his power to keep you safe, that he’d rather die than know you were suffering.

He loved you more than anyone else in the world, more than he ever thought he’d love someone and knowing he was the one who tried to hurt you, destroyed him. He’d never forget the expression of fear, terror and pure shock with which you looked at him in that damned building, it would’ve haunted him forever.

“I would never hurt you Y/N, you… You are the most precious thing in my life. God, I'd die to protect you…” he babbled in desperation.

“I know, Jay. I consciously know this,” you answered, putting your feet on the ground and approaching him without touching him. “I want to help you, but...”

“But what?” he whispered, his green eyes bright with tears as he looked at you. A tear slid from your eyes onto your cheek but you immediately wiped it away before you spoke again. “You want to leave me right? You are afraid of me?”.

You remained silent for a moment.

“Y/N I… You can't leave me please, I can't do this without you, I need you. You're the only person I'm still here for, helping me through this shit… Please…”

You cried. “I have to protect myself Jay,” you wiped away another tear “I don't want to leave you, God. I love you so much…”

“But you're afraid of me,” he stated, swallowing the lump in his throat. He looked down at the floor and his shoes to try and mask the tears he couldn't control anymore and streamed down his cheeks. He stood up, suddenly feeling suffocated, and ran his hands over his face as he began pacing around the living room.

“Hey…” you said, standing up and approaching him. You placed your hands on his arms to make him stop and he directed his eyes at you. They were red and shiny from tears and God only knew how much it hurt you to see him like this, how much he didn't deserve all that suffering.

You placed your hands on his face, wiping away his tears with your thumbs. “God baby,” you whispered “I hate seeing you like this…”. He hugged you, squeezing you so tight it made you gasp for breath.

You hugged him back, putting your arms around his neck and letting yourself be cradled by that embrace. You stroked his hair while he hid his face in the hollow of your neck, letting go in a desperate and liberating cry.

“It's okay love, it's okay,” you whispered, as you too were crying, “Let's sit down.”

You sat back on the sofa and you hugged him, letting him rest his head on your chest as he let out all the anger – mostly towards himself – and sadness he felt.

“Cry all you want, I'm here. I don't want to leave, I'll always be here with you Jay,” you mumbled, caressing his hair. He wrapped his arms around your chest tighter, as if he was afraid to let you go.

“I'm so sorry my love. I didn't mean to scare you… When…” he sighed “When I realized what I was doing, the way you were looking at me…” he couldn't finish the sentence, because just remembering the expression you had in that moment pushed him over the edge again “God Y/N I will never forgive myself for what I did...” he got up, sitting on the sofa and running a hand through his hair “When I saw your face… That moment I understood I seriously need some help, I don't… I can't risk hurting you, losing you, I don't want you to be afraid of me. I want to be your safe haven, I don’t want you to doubt for even a second I can intentionally hurt you… I… I don't want you to look me with that terrified and fearful look again... I can't...”

“But I'm not afraid of you Jay, I know you were going through a lot , the case was heavy to deal with…” you tried to comfort him.

“Yes you do,” he smiled at you bitterly, eyes and nose still red from crying “No lies remember? You told me before and even now…” he tried to stop crying but failing “You hugged me and you were tense and the thing is, I can't even blame you… It's only my fault for believing all the shit the war brought me could just go away on its own and I will never be able to forgive myself for how I reacted, in that building, when you were putting my mic...”

“You weren't yourself,” you whispered.

“I know… But I won’t let you to suffer the consequences of what happens to me… But on the other hand I'm too selfish to let you go, I love you too much Y/N and I know if you're not here I… I'll never be able to face this alone.”

“But I don't want you to go through this alone,” you retorted, grabbing his hand with yours and intertwining your fingers as your eyes were on his. “Jay I will never leave you… You’re my whole life and I want to be with you at every step you take, I know it will be hard, I know it isn't easy, I know there is a long way ahead but we’ll do it together. I won't leave you alone… I was just scared in that moment, let's be honest, who wouldn't, but I don't want to abandon you, okay? I just need to know you’ll really, really, try to face these ghosts.”

“Absolutely, I don't want to hurt you anymore…”

“No baby, you don't have to do it for me but for yourself,” you didn't let him finish the sentence “Because you went though what no other human being can go through and you deserve to be happy, to fully live your life, to do your job serenely, you don't deserve to wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares. You are strong, one of the strongest people I know and if there is anyone who can do it, it’s you, love, okay?” you stroked his cheek and he nodded faintly.

“Promise me you'll really try? Not for me though,” you continued as he looked at you with all the love he felt for you. “I can take it, past the fear I know it's not your fault baby, you don't control it. I can't even imagine what you're going through, what you saw over there, anyone who didn’t experience it will never be able to, but I swear Jay I… I would die to give you all the happiness you deserve.”

“You are my happiness,” he retorted and you smiled feebly when you saw him calm down a bit “Tomorrow I’ll look for someone and start doing therapy, I promise I'll do it, for you, for me, for us.”

Your smile grew on your lips. “I know you will. I'm so proud of you.”

“So you won't leave me?” he whispered so softly he almost sounded like a child intimidated by the response he’d receive.

“No baby, never, I swear. I'd take a bullet for you if it means to make you happy.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” he mumbled. He placed his hand on yours which was still on his cheek, then bringing it to his lips and leaving a kiss on the back without his eyes ever leaving yours. “I love you so much Y/N, so fucking much I can't even breathe right now. I don't know what I did to deserve you,” you smiled again “I always want to see you smile like that, God… I can't even explain what you do to me. I… I want to make you happy as much as you make me happy. I'm so sorry baby, I'm sorry for everything...”

“Shh, it's okay, it's not your fault I want you to put it in this cute little head. I love you too Jay so much, more than you can ever imagine.”

You stayed on that sofa embraced for and indefinite amount of time, cradled in each other's arms. After some time you managed to get Jay to eat something before letting him take a shower, needless to say he was going to sleep over at your place.

You both got into bed and, due to the exhaustion, the intense emotions experienced that day, it didn't take long for Jay to fall asleep, his head resting on your chest as you held him and hugged him. But you couldn't sleep a wink, the events of that day still clear in your mind.

When Jay woke up in the middle of the night, it didn't take him long to realize you weren't there anymore. He sat up in bed and looked at the time on his cell phone, which read 1:32 in the morning, before getting up and walking towards the living room.

For a fraction of a second he thought he heard a sob but he thought he just imagined it. But when this sobbing sound was accompanied by a sniffling, he knew he didn’t imagine them at all.

He walked quickly to the living room and his heart skipped a beat when, in the dim light, he saw you sitting on the sofa, your knees drawn up to your chest as you cried. He turned on the lights and didn't miss the way you tried - in vain – to quickly dry your tears.

“Y/N… Baby… God, what happened? Are you hurt?” Jay asked after rushing over to you, kneeling right in front of you.

You mentally let out a curse, aware that you wouldn't be able to escape this. “I'm fine,” you replied though, hoping for a nano second he’d buy it.

“Oh baby don't lie to me, you don't cry if you're fine. Please talk to me, are you okay? What happened?” he continued to ask worried. He grabbed a handkerchief from the top of the coffee table and handed it to you, watching you intently as you blew your nose. He sat down next to you and started stroking your hair in an attempt to comfort you.

“Don't worry babe, it's okay. Nothing happened, go back to sleep you're tired.”

“How can you even think I'll leave you here alone?” he said “Wait, I'll go get you a glass of water.”

Before you could object, he was up and in less than no time he returned with a glass of cold water which you drank with pleasure. “You want another one?” he asked and after you mumbled a ‘no’ he took the empty glass from your hands and placed it on the coffee table. “Are you feeling better?”.

You nodded. “Seriously baby, I'm fine, go back to bed.”

“How about you stop lying to me and start telling me the truth? You're making me worry to death love.”

You sighed deeply, feeling the urge to cry coming back. “It's just… It's been a busy day and I needed to vent.”

Jay was silent for a moment, wiping away a single tear that slid down your cheek. “Talk to me baby, I'm here for you.”

You shook your head and then stood up. “No, there is nothing to say. Let's go to sleep, I'm getting tired too.”

“No, we're not going to sleep until you tell me what's going on,” he stood up too, looking at you with such intensity it almost took your breath away. God why did he insist so much, why didn't he just let you cry and forget everything?

“I told you Jay, I was just venting after today.”

“Yes, but it's not only that, I'm sure,” he retorted, taking a step towards you. “Baby don't you trust me? You know you can talk to me about anything, I just want to help you.”

“I-it's not that, of course I trust you.”

“Then talk to me,” he pressed, now on the verge of losing his mind “What...”.

“I don't want to bother you, you already have so much to think about.”

“Y/N I want you to listen to me very carefully now because I won't say it again,” he spoke, placing his hands on your face to force you to look at him. “There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you, and nothing, I say nothing, is more important than you. You never bother me and never will. You want me to be honest with you, to ask for help, but you have to do it too, you don't have to be afraid to tell me about something it’s bothering you.”

You started crying again and he hugged you, holding you close as he stroked your hair. “It's alright baby, I'm here. Cry all you want, let it go. I won't leave you.”

“It’s just…” you sobbed at a loss for words, letting go as a wave of guilt washed over you. You placed your hands on his bare chest as he continued to hold you.

“Y/N, please, I hate seeing you like this. What are you afraid of? Why don’t you talk to me?” he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Because I feel guilty,” you answered so feebly you feared he didn’t hear you.

Jay placed two fingers under your chin, forcing you to look at him. “And why’s that?”.

Another sob escaped your lips and at that point you slightly moved away from him, no longer able to hold his gaze, his closeness. You ran your hands over your face and then through your hair, not quite knowing what to say.

“Because I was fucking terrified! And… And I feel guilty because I know what happened wasn't your fault, you weren’t yourself…” you sniffed as the tears continued to flow in rivers, leaving you not even a chance to talk “I know you’d never consciously do anything to hurt me but seeing you point that gun at me… Jay, I…” you sighed “I've faced criminals, murderers, but I've never been so afraid and terrified as today and for a moment I really thought you’d shoot me. The way you looked at me… God I can't get it out of my mind and I'm hating myself because it wasn't your fault…”

Jay stood there attentively listening to every single word you said as every second that passed he felt a part of himself die.

“That's why I didn't want to tell you about this, because I know you’re blaming yourself for everything and you're already going through so much Jay and I don't want to add this other burden on you...” you continued and at that point he approached you again, putting his hands on your cheeks and wiping away the tears with his thumbs as you did with him.

“Y/N…” he said your name as a little prayer “You really think I don’t know that? I know you, I know when something is bugging you, I know when something makes you feel sad. I saw the way you looked at me this whole evening, the way you were tense and I'm so sorry for putting you in this situation my baby. I hate myself so much for this, you didn’t deserve any of that,” he left a soft kiss on your forehead.

“And I love you so fucking much,” he continued “You're willing to suffer alone just to not make me worry but you don't have to. Your feelings are as valid as mine, you have to tell me when you're hurt, when you feel like crying, when you're scared even if I'm the cause. I want to listen to you and do everything in my power to fix what’s hurting you and I promise I will. We have a long way to go, you said it too, but we can't do it unless we're both honest with each other, if we don't express our fears, our apprehensions,” he said wiping away your tears as you did nothing but keep crying “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me Y/N, you saved me from a chasm that I am trying hard to climb over, you are my lifeline and I want to be the same for you. I can never apologize enough for what I did today, but I promise I’ll do everything I can to put all that shit behind me. But you need to talk to me, okay? You are so fucking important to me and I'm okay if you're okay. I can't focus on anything else if I don't know you’re happy and to know that I need you to tell me everything that goes through your mind, and I will do the same… Okay baby?”.

You nodded and in response you pressed your lips onto his in a sweet, long-awaited kiss before hugging and squeezing him as if your life depended on it. He was right, God was he right about everything.

He was your everything.

Your sun, the love of your life, the reason for everything.

You were his salvation.

You were the light at the end of a dark tunnel, the first breath of fresh air after being underwater too long. You both knew that even in the most difficult moments you’ll be able to overcome everything and that you could always count on each other in joy, fear and pain.

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[pick-me-up-im-scared]

Ellie Williams x Reader request: Ellie and the Reader are engaged and they have set the date and they get married in Jackson and they go to their favorite spot outside of Jackson and have a nice day together before they have a family dinner back in Jackson, then after dinner they head home and make love to each other for the first time as a married couple.

Till Death Us Do Part (Ellie Williams x Reader)

Author´s Note: I hope I made your request justice! I tried my best, so I hope it's kinda how you imagined it. It´s a little bit more focused on the wedding itself, idk if that's what you meant. I think it's pretty cute. Also, this is mostly focused on a Christian wedding. That's the only one I kinda know anything about. Sorry if that goes against your religion, but I hope you can look past that and enjoy this story anyway. I tried to remove the super Christian stuff in hopes to not trigger anyone. Also also, I believe we never get to know Ellie’s middle name. I know traditionally you say the whole name, first-, middle-, and last name. But since I didn’t find Ellie’s I figured I should skip the reader´s too, to be more symmetrical. I tried to make the ceremony a little more ”simple” then a traditional one. I don´t think they’d be able to have a super, over-the-top wedding at Jackson. Still some details I couldn’t stop myself from including. I hope it’s pretty realistic. 

⚠️Warning!⚠️: This story includes smut that might not be suitable for a younger audience!

(y/l/n) = your last name

Words: 5827

”Suck it in” your sister said as she zipped up your dress. You felt the fabric hugging your figure as the zipper glide along your spine. You mumbled a ”thank you" before walking up to the mirror on the other side of the room. You let your eyes glance over the long, white dress decorating your body. You trace your fingers over the fabric, feeling the texture of the lace against your fingertips. ”Wow” you let out in a state of shock. Your sister laughs as she comes up behind you to look at your reflection, ”I think it fits you”. ”It´s perfect” you quickly added. The dress wasn’t in fact yours. You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find a wedding dress in the apocalypse. Apparently that isn’t peoples most prized possession, which makes sense. Therefore people didn’t prioritized taking it with them when they had to leave their homes. But Maria heard about your plans and was quick to let you know she had a dress she gladly let you borrow.

You turned around to quickly glance at the back of the dress before turning to your sister. ”So, what is Ellie wearing?” she asked while readjusting the crown braid she’s done in your hair. You chuckle as the memory of Ellie’s reaction when you showed her what she would be wearing. She gave you free hands when it came to the wedding, knowing how important it was for you. And she just wants you to be happy. Also, you can only do so much with a wedding in a separated village under these circumstances. To her, it didn’t matter if you would get married in a ditch, as long as it’s with you. But when you asked her to wear a linen shirt you apparently hit a nerve. Like you said, the wedding dress was a pain in the ass as it is, but Ellie’s outfit would be even harder to fix. So when you finally found something that matched your vision you had already compromised enough. ”I´m not wearing that!” Ellie said as she eyed the white linen shirt on the hanger. You frowned and tilted the shirt to you, to look at it again. As if you hadn’t inspected it enough. ”Why not?” you asked confused. You thought about Ellie when picking it out, and thought it would look really good on her. 

”It’s uncomfortable” Ellie explained. You frowned, confused ”Uncomfortable? This is like the softest fabric you could find as a shirt. You’ve got tank tops that’s less comfortable then this!”. ”But they look cool” she mumbled. You rolled your eyes at her stubbornness. This feels more like a conversation between a mom and her 14 year old son when she asks him to not wear his cap on his school photo, rather then two grown up partners talking about their wedding outfits. You looked to the side annoyed ”Oh, so what do you plan to wear? Your outwashed, grey hoodie?”. Ellie looks at you with hopeful eyes ”Is that an option?”. ”No!” you bluntly as you pinched the bridge of your nose in annoyingness. Trying your best to not have a argument with her about a goddam shirt! You knew the planing of the wedding have left you with a short temper. You're just very stressed, and having issues with things you though would get through smoothly isn’t helping. 

Ellie looks at the shirt again and feels the fabric between her fingers. ”Are you sure there’s nothing else I can wear?” she tried again with a pleading voice. You sighed, ”Ellie, it’d one day. One day in your whole life you need to wear something else then your regular stuff”. Ellie bits her lips as she’s thinking. You walk up to her, wrapping your arms around her torso, ”Please. For me” you added, knowing she would give in. Ellie always wants to be good for you, not that you use this as a weapon against her often. But some situations requires certain methods. Ellie sighed before finally giving in. ”Fine” she said with a little bit of a pissed-off tone. You know, the same tone a three year old has whenever they realized their mom won’t give in and buy the toy they’ve been begging for for the past few hours. She eyed the clothing items again ”I’ll wear them if I can have my converse”. She looked back at your shocked face, ”Ellie you can’t-”. You bite your lip, stopping yourself from starting another argument. You've got her to wear the outfit you’ve pick. How many will pay attention to her shoes?. ”Fine” you said as you looked at her with an annoyed expression. But Ellie couldn't care less. Right after your replay, she first-bumped the air like a 10 year old boy, mumbling ”yes” at her ”victory”. You couldn’t help but smile at your silly girlfriend. 

Your sister finished knotting the last few flowers in the braid before backing away to observe her work. She gives you a handgesture in approval along with a silly, matching facial expression. You just giggle at her. You get up from the chair, straighten out any wrinkles that has appeared on the dress from sitting down. Your sister helped you put on your heels before grabs the bouquet she picked for you on the table, and hands it to you. You smile down on it before grabbing it with your left hand. ”You ready?” she asked, to which you nod. She opened the door and took the lead down the hall. As you got closer to the main room you’d be married in you felt the nerves catching up with you. Up till now it just felt like your sister had been helping you get ready for some celebration. Just having some sister-time. But when you were met by the wooden doors everything was crystal clear. You could hear the slight mumbling of the people on the other side. ”Let’s do this!” your sister said as she gave you her arm. You nodded as you locked your arm with hers. The piano stared to play the song you choose, making your heart rate go up even more. You’re pretty sure you could see your heart beating though your dress at this point. You took a deep breath before walking up to the door. As you neared the double-doors they open and you’re met with a bunch of eyes settled on you. The nerves makes you grab the stem of the bouquet harder.

As you’re walking down the aisle you take your time to look out over the people who has formed to celebrate this special day with you. Maria, who let her eyes wonder over the dress before her eyes meets up with yours to give you a proud smile. It´s the first time she’s seen the dress since her own wedding 23 years ago. A few benches ahead sits Tommy, feeling such emotions like it’s his own daughter walking down the aisle. You swore you could see his eyes being glossy. As you looked to the other side you saw someone who didn’t even try to hold her emotions intact. Dina let tears roll down her cheeks, not even trying to wipe them off with the soaked tissue in her hand. She’s so happy Ellie finally found a nice girl who truly cared for her. Being someone with so much love to give, finally finding someone who would give you equally as much back. Dina remembers the first time Joel introduced you to her and Ellie. She could see, based on Ellie’s expression, that you would be the girl she´d marry. So, ever since that day she’s been your biggest supporter, both before and after you got together. In Dina’s lap sits JJ, happily bouncing along to the music. A chuckle leaves your lips as you watch the ecstatic young guy.

Finally you look straight ahead, following the aisle till your eyes met with the figure at the end of it. There she is, your wife-to-be. Her eyes hasn’t left you ever since you walked through the door. Her red eyes told you she’s been crying the hold time. If her glossy cheeks wasn't proof enough. You break out a smile as your eyes met hers, and you couldn’t help but to feel your own eyes filling up. Your eyes glance at the outfit she’s wearing, looking just like you’ve imagined it. She’s so handsome. You let out a shaky breath in hopes to collect your emotions. You can't both be a crying mess up there. It´s funny ’cause you told Ellie about a week ago that you wouldn’t cry. And continued explaining how you’ve seen Titanic around ten times and hasn’t spilled a single tear. Ellie just chuckled before mumbling ”we will see”.

Your sister leads you up the alter, shaking Ellie’s hand before ”handing you over”. Ellie's smile grew even wider as her shaky hands grabs yours. She leads you further up the alter to the position Maria told her to during the rehearsal. Your sister made sure to re-adjust the skirt of the dress before taking a seat at the front row. Ellie leans in and mumbles ”You look so pretty. I can´t believe you’re real”. You giggle ”You don´t look so bad yourself, handsome”. Ellie bushed at your nickname, nervously looks down at her beaten-up shoes. She’s adorable. The priest started talking ”We have gathered here to witness the marriage between Ellie Williams and (y/n) (y/l/n)”. As the priest continued his regular dialog you and Ellie sneak glances of each other, giggling like two school girls. Then the priest asks ”Do you have the rings?”. ”Sure thing!” Ellie gladly answer while putting her hand into the left pocket of her pants. She pulls out two golden bands. They’re no way near new, so they have a few scratches, but Ellie has tried her absolute best to make them as shiny as possible. She hands you one of them, but misinterprets the coordination and therefore miss your hand. ”Fuck!” Ellie mumbles enough for both of you to hear as the ring falls to the ground. You smack her in the arm. She shoots her head to your direction with a questionable look. ”Don’t swear in church!” you whisper-yell to her. She nodded before picking up the ring and hand it to you. ”I’m sorry, I’m sorry” Ellie apologized switching her gaze between you and the priest. 

She cleared her throat before grabbing your left hand. ”Say after me, ’I, Ellie Williams’” the priest began. ”I, Ellie Williams” Ellie repeated. ”Take you, (y/n) (y/l/n) to be my wife”, ”Take you, (y/n) (y/l/n) to be my wife”. ”To have and to hold from this day forward”, ”To have and to hold from this day forward”. ”For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health”, ”For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health”. ”To love and to cherish, till death us do part”, ”To love and to cherish, till death us do part” Ellie finished with a proud smile on her face as she slide the ring on your finger, happy she didn’t fucked it up. ”Now you (y/n), take Ellie’s hand and repeat after me ’I, (y/n) (y/l/n)’”. You grabbed Ellie's hand and said ”I, (y/n) /y/l/n)”. ”Take you, Ellie Williams to be my wife” ”Take you, Ellie Williams to be my wife”. You could see the tears in Ellie’s eyes about to spill over as she observed your words. The priest continued ”To have and to hold from this day forward”, ”To have and to hold this day forward”. ”For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health”, ”For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health”. ”To love and cherish, till death us do part”, ”To love and cherish, till death us do part” you copied before breathing out. You put the ring on Ellie’s finger, sealing the deal. You grabbed each other’s hands, just like before, only now they’re decorated with two shiny rings. 

”And so now, by the power invested in me, it is my honor to dicer you wife and wife”. You rub your thumbs along the back of Ellie’s veiny hands as you inspected her face. Two sentences away from being able to call her yours. ”You may now kiss” the priest proudly announced. You softly place your hands on either side of Ellie’s face as she grabs your waist. She pulls you closer, automatically moving your lips closer to each other. You look into her eyes one last time before closing the gap. Ellie tired not to moan into the kiss, thinking it’s inappropriate to do so with all these people in the room. But your soft, delicately colored lips sure made it hard for her. She deepened the kiss, but held herself back from going too far. You pulled back and smiled widely at each other. Even a giggle left your lips as it was hard to hide the blissfulness you felt inside. You grab Ellie’s right hand before turning to face the crowed. You made a silly face as you showed the ring to the people. ”Ladies and gentlemen, I’m pleased to present to you Mrs and Mrs Williams” they cheered as you walked down the aisle with much calmer expressions then the first time. Still the adrenaline was no way near gone. You could hear Ellie let out a sigh of relief, one she had held in since she put her foot on the alter. You leaned in and mumbled ”We’re married now!” mimicking her behavior from before. She turned to look at you and give you a full-teethed smile.

_

You looked down at the ring as the cheerful music plays in the background. You smiled to yourself, having a hard time grasping what just happened. ”Congrats, now you’re stuck with her forever!”, you snapped up to see Dina. She had JJ on her hip, but he seemed more interested at the dancing people then you. You laughed as you pulled her into a hug, making the baby turn his head to you. You ruffled his hair before turning back to Dina, ”And I wouldn’t want it any other way”. She made a disgusted face ”Ugh, stop it or I’ll throw up”. You gave her a playful smack on her unoccupied arm. ”Talking about throwing up, did she tell you she was gonna wear those shoes?” she asked, pointing to the spoken of behind you. You turned your head as if you needed to look to know what Dina was talking about. It was honestly just an excuse to steal a glance at your gorgeous, now, wife. You let out a laugh before throwing out your arms in a defeated motion ”Unfortunately I did, but I had no choice”. Dina sighed ”I swear, if she weren’t going to marry you she would have married those fucking shoes”. You chuckled at the not so unbelievable statement. JJ made a sound, making you both turn your focus on him. ”Actually, could you hold him for a sec. I really need to pee” Dina announced, earning a laugh from you at her bluntness. You nod your head along with a ”of course”. She carefully handed him over to you, helping you to hold him in a comfortable position before heading to the toilets. ”Come on, JJ. Let´s see who’s here” you said to the happy face resting against your chest, before walking into the crowed.

Ellie took another sip from her beer as she looked over the room, watching all the people dancing and having fun. She couldn’t believe she’s actually married now. To the girl of her dreams. She snapped out of her thoughts as someone pats her shoulder along with ”Congrats, kiddo!”. She looked at the direction of the voice to see Tommy smiling at her. Ellie gave him a smile back along with a ”thank you”. He took a stand beside her, looking at the same direction as her. He look around the room and chuckled ”Who knew you would get married?”. Ellie gave him a chuckle back before shrugging her shoulders ”I´m lucky, I guess”. ”Call it luck or whatever, you found yourself a catch”. Ellie smiled for herself, proud to have you in her life. Even just the thought of you would bring up her mood no matter what. Tommy turned to look at Ellie ”I know Joel would be proud”. Ellie snapped her head at the mentioning of his name. ”Y-you think?” she hesitantly asked. Tommy smiled at her, ”I know. Heck, he would be balling his eyes out more then I did!” he jokingly said, trying to light up the mood. But Ellie was all up in her thoughts, trying to hold back her emotions as good as possible. She just huffed.

”Are you talking shit about me?”, thank god she got snapped out of her thoughts as you came up to them. Ellie smiled at you, like she always did whenever she hadn’t seen you in a while. ”Oh, I didn’t know you were expecting” Tommy joked as he let JJ grab his finger. ”Yep. That’s why the wedding was so rushed. We had to get it over with so we could cover it up” you joked as you watched the cute interaction. Tommy gave you a chuckle. Ellie walked up to your side and gave you a kiss on the cheek before resting her hand on your back. You smiled at her and gave her a quick peck on the lips. Ellie caressed the back of the baby, earning her a big, two-teethed smile. She couldn’t help but smile back as she wonders if this is what it’d feel like to have a family with you. Seeing you hold a baby made her feel like doing some stupid, rushed decisions. She made sure to pull you a little closer to her, playing around with the thought. ”There you are! I thought you had kidnapped him” Dina comes running up. You carefully hands her back JJ, who’s trilled to be back with his mama. You continued to have unimportant conversations until Dina informed ”We should probably head home, JJ´s really tired”. ”He´s starting to get a little grumpy” she said in a baby-voice as she bounced him in her arms. You nodded before giving her a hug, ”Well, thank you so much for coming”. ”Of course! I wouldn’t want to miss this day. Plus there’s not that much happening around here anyways”, you laughed as you pulled away. Dina went over to Ellie and hugged her too, whispering something in her ear. Your nosiness got cut off, ”Yeah, I should probably head home too. Need to prepare” Tommy announce before giving the new wedded couple a hug too. ”Remember, dinners at mine!” he chanted before leaving the building. ”Yes, sir!” Ellie answered before you both started laughing. 

Then, when you were finally alone you walked up around Ellie and wrapped your arms around her waist, ”What are you doing?" she chuckled as she put her hands on top of yours. ”I don´t know” you shrugged as you rested your chin on her left shoulder. You just stood there for a while, taking in each other’s presence. You both had a hard time understanding this would be the rest of your lifes. ”I love you” you finally cut the silence. Even from your angle you could see the smile on Ellie’s face, ”I love you, too”. ”Despite what you think, I think you look really hot in this outfit” you confessed as you planted soft kisses along her neck. You felt Ellie tense at the unexpected touch, ”Y-yeah, I guess it wasn’t too bad” she stuttered as the blush started to take over her face. ”Really?” you asked. ”So I can expect to see you wearing this some other time?” you whispered in her ear. ”Hell no!” she bluntly said, earning a laugh from you. You pulled back, ”Yeah, yeah. I guess I’ll just have to take a mental picture of you like this”, you spun her around so you could see her from the front. You unconsciously bit your lip as you shamelessly let your eyes wander over Ellie’s form. Not only taking notice of the clothes, but her toned body underneath it. God, I wish I could just rip them off and take her right here! ”Come on, stop it! It doesn’t look that good” Ellie chuckled as she waved her hands in front of her, to make you stop looking. The embarrassment finally taking over. You caught her hands, but your eyes never left her body. ”You’re not seeing what I’m seeing” you bluntly said as you licked your lips. ”Oh, shush you” Ellie playfully grabbed you, but you swore you could see the effect your words was having on her. 

”We should probably head to Tommy’s” you announced. Ellie sighed ”Do we have to go?”. You snapped your head at her ”Yeah, we do. He’s doing it for our sake. To celebrate our marriage”. ”But I’m tired!” she whined letting her head fall back. ”You can sleep when you’re dead” you said jokingly as you drag her to the exit. ”Plus, I need to pee first, and you need to help me hold up the dress”

_

Since neither you or Ellie had a huge amount of family and friends at Jackson you decided pretty early you would skip out on the ”dinner”-part of the wedding reception, and instead just let people dance and have fun at the local pub. Neither you or Ellie likes to be the center of attention, so if you could avoid it as much as possible, you will. But as soon as Tommy heard about it he insisted on making a little family dinner for just your closest ones. And when Tommy has set his mind to something, he will do it. So you headed over there, to celebrate more intimate with Dina, your sister and Tommy, of course. But to be honest, it all was a bit of a haze. You know for yourself you were lacking a lot of sleep from the previous night, and you figured Ellie was dealing with the same issue. The nerves made it impossible for you to fall asleep any earlier then 5pm. Plus… you two got a little tipsy. Fuck it, it’s your wedding day! You only get married once (hopefully). As you were saying your ”goodbye”s and ”thank you”s to everyone your conscience were a little more present. You gave everyone a wave before stumbling out the alongside Ellie. Dina muttered at your drunken state. She turned to Tommy ”If they’re not home by ten, I’ll check up on them. Making sure they haven’t fallen into a ditch or something”

You wandered down Tommy’s porch as the fresh air hits you. Making you more aware of your intoxicated state. Ellie tugged you along as you made you’re way to your shared hut. Despite being July, there were a few chilly winds whizzing in the evening. Or maybe it’s just the contrast from your warm bodies. Lucky you, Tommy’s house wasn’t far away from yours. So it felt like no time before you put your feet on your own porch. Ellie fumbled with the keys as she giggled drunkenly to herself. Finally she opened the door, gesturing for you to walk in first. You bowed down jokingly, but almost lost your balance. Ellie burst out laughing before shoving you into the house and close the door behind her. You let the jacket you wore fall off your shoulders and fall to the ground. Telling yourself it’s a problem for tomorrow before making your way further into the house, to your shared bedroom.

”Finally I can get this thing off!” Ellie lets out a groan as she button-up her shirt. She slides it off her arms and lays it neatly against the back of a chair. Now only in her linen pants and the thank top she always wore as a bra. You kick off your high heels before throwing yourself onto your shared bed. Letting out loud sigh. Ellie turn around to look at your laying figure. ”I’m so full” you whined while tracing your hands over your stomach. The aching feeling in your feet almost feels pulsating. They sure would feel swore tomorrow. Ellie smirk as she made her way over to you. She jumps on the bed beside you, turning on her side and prompting her head on one arm. She looks down at your peaceful face, inspection the perfection she gets to call her wife. The flowers your sister had put into your hair were mostly gone, and the few who were still there were looking really sad. Yet, you look like an angel to Ellie. The more she takes in your gorgeous appearance her admiration turns into something else. Lust. ”I´m still hungry” Ellie said with a teasing tone as her eyes wanders over the shape of your body. You scrunched your brows together, eyes still closed ”What? What could you possibly be craving?” you asked, oblivious to Ellie actual meaning. ”You” Ellie added with a husky tone. You open up your eyes at her answer, turning to look at her. Her hungry eyes told you everything you needed to know. 

She traced her unoccupied hand over your clothed stomach, going further down. She scrunched up the skirt of the dress making it less of a reach to slide her hand underneath it. Feeling your soft, naked thighs underneath her palm made her even more aroused. She starts to leave sweet kisses along your neck, going further and further up till she meets your lips. You grab the side of her face as you deepen the kiss. Ellie grabs the fat of your hips, intentionally avoiding the place you want her the most. She pull away from the kiss. Without saying a word you still got the memo. You raise up from your bed, turning your back to Ellie. She glide the zipper down your back, feeling like a teenage-boy as the naked skin underneath made her wetter by the second. You let the dress fall to the ground and stepped out of it. Ellie pushed the scrunched up dress to the side, using her foot. You turn around to meet her eyes again, now only dressed in your white, lace panties. ”The underwear match the dress, I see” Ellie more so stated as she let her hands fall on your hips. She couldn’t help but stare at your, now, naked boobs. She titled her head up to give them each a gentle kiss. Her slightly chapped lips made such a delicious contrast against your sensitive skin.

When you’ve had enough you pushed her back onto the bed. Her legs hanging off the bed as her back was pressed against the soft cover. You let your hands traced up both her thighs, passing her heat and up to the button of her pants. As you open up her pants you made sure to grab the elastic of her panties and drag them along with her pants, off her legs. Without thinking Ellie spread her legs. Allowing you to see her gorgeous pussy. She always gets flustered when you tell her she has a pornstar-pussy. Sometimes you wished you could just take a picture of it and hang it on your wall. To examine it like a piece of art. You pushed your arousal aside and pushed her legs together. Ellie gave you a confused look. You payed no attention to it as you took a seat on her lap. The only thing separation your cunts from touching was a piece of thin, white, lace. You hover over her, putting your hands on each side of her head before lowering down and kiss her. You let her take control since you were busy feeling her out. You just let your hands wander over her body freely. Not stopping them. Ellie moaned into the messy make-out as she grabbed the fat of your thighs to drag you against her. You pushed up her bra so you could squeeze her small, yet adorable, breasts in your hand. From previous experience you know she likes it when you apply quite some pressure, so you don´t stop until you hear the familiar groan. This isn’t the first time you’ve had sex with each other, but for some reason you feel a little more nervous then before. Like, still this is something different. It’s the first time as a married couple.

You got off Ellie, and without saying anything she got up. She took off her bra properly, tossing it along with the rest of your clothes. Before getting back on the bed she decided to drag off your underwear too. Ellie crawled onto the bed and took a sat behind you. She turned you over so you were sitting between her leg, pulling you towards her so your back was pressed against her chest. You could feel her hard nipples graze against your naked back. She gave your left shoulder some light pecks as her right hands traced down your stomach. You couldn’t help as your breath got quicker, heavier. Ellie's hand went down to your cunt, tracing her fingers along your lips in a teasing manner. She spread them, letting the cold air come in contact with your warm walls. ”Please, Ellie. Stop with the goddamn teasing” you whined out with a pissed tone. Ellie let out a chuckle behind you ”So needy…” she teased. ”…I like it” she mumbled in your ears, visibly making you shiver. She traced her index finger along your slit, gathering your wetness for lube. She groaned ”fuck” when she noticed just how wet you were. She slowly slide in her index finger into your wet pussy. You threw your head back on Ellie’s shoulder, mouth hanging open. Your needy hole finally being filled by your girlfriend's long, slender finger. 

It wasn’t till she pushed it to the brim the high-pitched moan that had treated to come out finally did. Ellie made sure to slide it in and out a few more times before quickening the pace. She knows you like it fast and hard. Only slowing down to add another finger before going back to her previous pace. You closed your eyes shut as the pleasure was so good now. Ellie made sure to slam them in hard, to the point where your thighs would shake. She felt you squeezing her, but decided to add one last finger. She wants to make sure you're filled. You bit your lips and unintentionally squeezed your thighs together. ”Ah-ah” Ellie warned as she stopped only to separate your legs again. ”How do you expect me to make my wife feel good with your legs are closed?” she said in a pitiful voice. Like she’s talking to a child. The only answer that left your lips were a whine. She grabbed your left hand, making your rings cling against each other. She figured she could comfort you that away, while still drilling her fingers into your swollen pussy. Cause she knows, despite your whines and cries, you love it. ”Don’t worry, babe. You're doing amazing” she encouraged you before continuing to slide her fingers into you. You look down between your legs and sees the veins on Ellie’s hand twitch as she pounds her fingers into your dripping cunt. A moan leaves your mouth just by the sight. You’ve always loved her hands. Whenever you’d had the chance to have them on you, you took it. 

Your unoccupied hand went to your back, sliding down till you felt Ellie’s wet core. She jumped at the unexpected touch. You teased her a little bit before sliding in two fingers into her. She threw her head back as a thirsty moan leaves her lips. She stopped her motion between your legs, having a hard time focusing on anything except your fingers. You curl them up to grace her g-spot continuously. You feel her legs squeezing you in the position you´re in, making you smirk for yourself. She tightened her grip on your intertwined hands, not knowing what to do with all this pleasure. Ellie swore she could cum on the spot, so she picked up the pace of her fingers. Hoping to make you cum along with her. You couldn’t do much more this angle, but based on Ellie’s whimpers in your ear you think she don't mind. ”Don´t stop (y/n)!” she whined, but the speed of her fingers weren’t affected. You were impressed. Ellie lets go off your hand to switch. You quickly soaked her three fingers as they effortlessly slide in, quickly finding the same pace as her right hand. You felt the cold metal of her ring against your entrance. Making a nice contrast from your heat. Ellie force you to look back at her, using her right hand. She kissed you as your wetness smear against your left cheek. You put you thumb on Ellie’s clit, really wanting her to come over the edge. She jolts at the unexpected adding of pressure.

Ellie moves away from your lips to place small, loving kisses across your left shoulder. ”Come on now, cum for your wife” she mumbles against your skin. You whimper as you grab a hold of her wrist. You could feel your heart rate increasing as the knot in your stomach snaps. A high-pitched moan leaves your mouth as you throw your head back on Ellie’s shoulder. She watch your face as you come undone, bitting her lip at the aroused sight in front of her. A sight she sure would think back on when she’s on patrol without you. Having some alone time. You cum on her fingers, covering her ring in your arousal. She pulled them out and put them in your mouth. You sucked them off as you continued to pump yours in her. Ellie came with some whined moans not so long after. Taking you with her as she fell onto the bed, arching her back as you continued to finger her. You felt her clenching around you, milking herself of her orgasm. You pulled your fingers out, looking at the glistering liquid covering your fingers. You could feel Ellie looking at you with half-lidded eyes from behind you. Her hands hugging your figure as she tried to collect herself. You turned over, so you were facing Ellie. Her breath hitched as you hip hit her sensitive clit. You made sure to give her a smile before resting your head on her chest. You listened as her heartbeat slowed down to it’s usual pace. Ellie slide you up, making your breasts press against hers. She nestled her face into your neck before mumbling ”I’m so happy to call you ’my wife’”.

[usaigi]

Please vote for Matt in the @catholic-character-tournament because he's the best and most realistic representation of what it means to be Catholic. Someone who's been punched and bet and crushed by life but still gets up every day to try. No, he's not a nun like his competition but he's not less devoted because of that. Not everyone is called to service. In the day he works at a defense lawyer to help people. Not for the money but to help people not get screwed over by the law. And at night, he dons a mask and beats up assholes when the law fails them. Is he perfect? No, that's the point. Matt is a broken man who is just trying his best to do well and live like Jesus.

He fully embodies the Catholic doctrine of faith and good works. He has faith in what he's doing even if others challenge him. He believes in forgiveness and repenting even when going up against "the devil."

"The people you murder deserve another chance." ... "No, Frank. To try again, Frank. To try. And if you don't get that, there's something broken in you you can't fix, and you really are a nutjob." "You think God made you a one-man firing squad. But you're wrong. There is goodness in people, even in you. And you're gonna have to kill me, 'cause I'm never gonna stop coming for you, until I take you down."

Daredevil Season 2 Episode 3

He (tries) to love his enemy. He believes in Elektra and Frank and maybe Dex and their ability to change. To be good. And when he can't, Matt refuses to compromise on his morals. While not quite "turning his cheek" he never scoops to their level. Because they don't get to destroy who he is.

Daredevil Season 3 Episode 13

All he does is for the love he has to his neighbors, his community. He loves New York. Not for self-fulfilling needs or for the money or for the fame. He does it because he believes in justice. Because the law was created by humans and is inherently sinful.

"But his competition met God and was disappointed and blah blah"

Daredevil is more grounded (at least the show, maybe less the comics). So now, Matt doesn't met God. But he sure gets mad at him. All of season 3 he angry at God for all the trauma he expired.

"You see, that was me, Sister. I suffered willingly. I gave my, uh... sweat and blood and skin without complaint. Because I too believed I was God's soldier. ( chuckles ) Well, not anymore. I am what I do in the dark now. I bleed only for myself. ( scoffs )" ... "You might hate God right now, but the feeling is not mutual." "No, I don't hate him. I've just seen his true face, is all."

Season 3 episode 1

As a Catholic I don't really want to fight God in a parking lot. Well I do but not in the same way that I've understood (primarily Jewish people but probably other Abrahamic religions) want to fight God in a Denny's parking lot. I want to yell and scream and cry at God and for the feeling to not be mutual. For Him to never stop loving me. As long as I have faith, He will reach out his hand.

Anyways vote Matt.

[mrsgiovanna]

The Beguiling (Hades! Don Giorno x Persephone! Fem! Reader)

This concept has been on my mind for the longest time. This is loosely based off the lore of Hades and Persephone, set in a modern mafia AU, with Giorno as Hades and the reader as Persephone. 🥺💖🐞

TW: Kidnapping, yandere themes, manipulative behaviour, disordered relationship dynamics

Word count : 6.3k

“The truth of the matter I believe to be this. There is, as I stated at first, no absolute right or wrong in love, but everything depends upon the circumstances, to yield to a bad man in a bad way is wrong, but to yield to a worthy man in a right way is right.”

- Plato, Symposium

Being the Don of a mafia is a difficult task, being so far removed from everyone and everything else. Some would even say, its like being part of an entirely different realm…

Extremely beautiful but entirely unapproachable, Giorno didn’t appear in public very often, the burden of running the organization had brought many threats to his safety. Granted, he was able to thwart any plan to even remotely harm him, but one doesn’t have time for such annoyances when you wield as much power as he did. Taking over something so big at such a young age changes a person, and Giorno was no different, he was always seen as aloof and calculating, but there were other dimensions to his character that he was painfully aware of, but would not reveal to anyone else… yet.

“Don Giovanna, are you ready to go? The driver is ready for us,” his consigliere spoke in an even, respectful tone while addressing his don.

“Yes, we can leave, have you informed Fugo of the change in our plans?” Giorno’s voice was monotonous, soft and polite, but conveyed no emotion. The task at hand today was not a pleasant one… he hated having to deal with defectors and had avoided it up until this point. This case was different… the defector in question was your brother. You had always held a special place in his heart ever since he encountered you upon taking over Passione. You were always kind towards him, and all your conversations had brought about a sense of peace within himself. Nonetheless, he dismissed it as a simple juvenile crush, and continued with his mammoth task of remolding the diseased organization, excising the ‘tumors’ to allow for a healthier, better, stronger Passione to emerge. Sacrificing his youth, his personal life and precious friends in order to attain his dream, he was not going to let anyone destroy everything he had worked so hard to create.

As the years went on, there were many times that your path had unwittingly crossed with the young don’s which only intensified his feelings for you, but given the nature of his lifestyle, he tried to convince himself that loving you from afar would be good enough, but Giorno’s resolve- unshakeable in every other scenario- was quickly waning in this regard.

Meeting with your father was painful, his demeanor reminding Giorno of a shadowed figure from his past who had changed his life forever.

“He’ll have to be dealt with, you understand this, correct?”

“I’m aware of this, Don Giovanna. I… I’m willing to take any punishment you see fit… please keep my daughter out of this… I can stake my life on her innocence in all of this,” your father spoke emphatically, desperate to protect you, appealing to the don’s humanity. Giorno furrowed his eyebrows, surely your father knew he wouldn’t harm you in any way- was it normal for people to be this terrified of him? The sharp slam of a door and a greeting from a honeyed voice snapped Giorno from his thoughts.

“I’m home, I hope you’re hungry, I’m making octopus salad, squid ink risotto and I’ve got chocolate fondants for dessert… oh goodness! Don Giovanna- I’m sorry… I, um…” you stuttered embarrassingly as your gaze landed on the blonde’s handsome face and shifted to the ground immediately. Before Giorno could answer you to try and quell your discomfort, your father interjected, sending you away from the room. The young don was completely awestruck by your ethereal beauty, as if you had been crafted by the gods themselves, descended to create joy in an otherwise dull world. He made a silent promise to himself- he had to have you as his own.

“(Y/n), please give us a moment piccolina, I’ll come to you as soon as we have concluded our meeting,”

“Of course, please pardon my interruption,” with a small nod of your head, you took your leave, wanting to start making the dishes you had just rattled off. As you busied yourself with your preparations, your mind kept returning to Giorno, he was always calm and pleasant, but you hadn’t seen him with that kind of expression before. The fact that you hadn’t seen your brother in days didn’t bode well with today’s events… you hoped he was okay, but you experienced first-hand how aggressive he could be, something, you were told, he had shared with your mother. You didn’t have much of a relationship with her as her job had taken her away from the family a bit too much. You understood now that you were a young adult, but your emotions still vacillated between acceptance and resentment when you observed the families of your friends.

“You know… because of the difference in our ages, you’ve always told me that you cared for me as a father would care for a son, as a result, our relationship has always been cordial… its allowed us to speak frankly as we have always done in the past,”

“Yes, Don Giovanna… this is true.”

“Please, I’ve told you many times before, call me Giorno…”

“Alright… Giorno,”

“Good, good, see? That sounds better already. As I was saying before, if your affections for me run that deep… accept me as a son-in-law and allow me to marry (y/n) and you will never have to worry about her safety again. Nobody would ever think to harm her if they have to contend with me first,”

“What? Are you asking for permission to marry my daughter? I don’t think she has even considered something like that… you’ve barely spoken to each other…” your father was battling to make sense of Giorno’s request, if one could even call it a request.

“I don’t think you understand the situation you’re in… your son has singlehandedly created a colossal mess; we’d be in the middle of a turf war if it wasn’t for the quick thinking of my consigliere. That’s not to say other people wouldn’t want to exact their own personal brand of justice. I can guarantee you though, if she’s under my care, none of those things will ever reach her.” Just as the consigliere was about to speak, perhaps, an attempt to rationalize with the don, a sharp sideward glance from the latter had left all suggestions unspoken. The silence in the room was palpable… uncomfortable, until it was broken by Giorno.

“I’ve loved (y/n) for as long as I’ve known her, the best place for her would be with me, my strength is unparalleled… this is probably a lot to take in right now, I’ll allow you some time to come around to the idea, I’d hate to have to take her by force, but, if that’s what it will take…”

“Are you threatening me Don Giovanna?” asked your father with a restrained bite to his voice.

“Of course not, I’m merely making my intentions clear, my reach spans well beyond anything you could ever imagine… well, I’ve said all I need to in this instance. I’ll be back for her in three days, I trust you’ll be able comply with my suggestion. I’ll be taking my leave now.” With a flourish of his cerulean blue coat, Giorno and his consigliere left your home. Your father cursed his position, but there was little he could do about it. Finding you blissfully tinkering in the kitchen, his heart broke, knowing already that this was one of the last times he would be seeing you like this… or at all.

“You don’t agree with what I’m doing, do you, Lorenzo? You know I’m good at reading people, although you’re not even trying to mask your disdain,” asked Giorno, breaking the silence on the drive home.

“Well, if I’m allowed to speak freely, I don’t think you’re going about this in the right manner. She’s going to be terrified and resentful because you’re effectively abducting her, so in brief, I don’t agree with this at all,”

“Fair enough, and for the record, obviously I’m aware that she’s going to hate me… at first anyway, but she’ll come to understand eventually. Anyway, what’s done is done, in three days, I’ll be bringing home my goddess.” Giorno turned his attention to his phone and with that Lorenzo had backed off, knowing from years of serving Giorno that there was no talking to him when he resolved to do something.

“Father, you’re so quiet… did something happen?” you asked, part of you not wanting to know the answer to that question.

“It’s a mess, but don’t worry about that, I’ll handle it. There is something that I have to speak to you about though… it’s about Don Giovanna, he would like to see you in a few days, nothing serious, just be sure to keep your schedule open for the day,” your father explained, only divulging half the truth of your situation.

“He wants to see me? Do you know why? Have I done something wrong?” you were curious as to what Giorno could possible want with you.

“Of course not dolcezza, he just wants to have a chat with you, I think he’s just making sure that you’re alright… that’s part of why he was here today.

“Oh, alright, I’ll be available. Anyway, dinner’s ready, once you get washed up, we can eat,” you glanced up at your father to see his face contorted in grief. “What’s the matter? I know you don’t like talking about things that have to do with your occupation, but you’ve been like this ever since Don Giovanna left,”

Being too much for him to bear, he pulled you into a vicelike embrace, almost as if you would disappear if he let you go, which was not entirely false. “Aww, it’s okay dad, everything will be fine, come on, the food’s getting cold, you need to eat,” with that, you both ate in a comfortable silence as you always did, before you both retired for the evening.

While you tried to prepare yourself for your “meeting”, your soon to be captor was busy creating your sanctuary, or rather, overseeing the creation of your sanctuary- there was no reason why your surroundings couldn’t be as beautiful as you were, his aim after all was to get you to fall in love with him. Large, glittering mirrors with gilded frames adorned the walls of the hallways that lead to your room. Inside, was everything one could ever hope to have; an extensive closet filled with things that were made especially for you, various trinkets and baubles carefully selected for you, state of the art electronic devices, albeit with restrictions on the amount of things you could access… just for the time being though. If you were to start off as a bird in a cage, it should be a bejeweled cage worthy of a rarity like you.

As it got closer to the time you’d be seeing Giorno, your nerves started increasing exponentially, you knew that under normal circumstances, having to meet with someone like him without knowing what the subject matter would be was intimidating, but this feeling was something else altogether. As if something in your gut was telling you to cancel- to run- but you dismissed those feelings, and prepared yourself for the engagement.

“Buonasera cara, you look especially charming this evening…” he greeted you with a velvety voice that masked the true nature of him being there.

“Buonasera Don Giovanna, thank you for the compliment,”

“Shall we leave, (y/n)?”

“Um, okay… I just need to fetch my things and let my father know that I’m leaving…”

“Alright, perfect, actually, would you mind if I followed you? I’d like a quick word with him before we leave,” his expression was so charismatic, you felt guilty for not inviting him inside immediately.

“Of course, I’m sorry, please do come in.” you say as you stepped aside to make room for Giorno to enter. You lead him to the study and went to fetch your coat and purse to go, giving yourself a onceover in the mirror to make sure you were presentable and with that you kissed your father on the cheek and left.

The restaurant that you and Giorno went to was completely empty except for a single table set up for you both and the staff that were going to serve you, you found it odd, but dismissed it as one of the nuances of leading a mafia, privacy was of utmost importance. Ever the gentleman, the young don pulled out your chair for you and seated himself across from you.

“Thank you for agreeing to see me (y/n), I appreciate you taking the time to do so,”

“Of course, although I have to admit, I’m a little confused as to why I’m here,” you say with a nervous titter. The waiter brought a bottle of wine to the table, probably preapproved by Giorno already, and with a small nod, it is poured out into the awaiting glasses for the two of you.

“You will understand soon enough cara, come, lets toast to something… ah! To new beginnings…” he suggested with a sardonic smile.

“New beginnings? Okay… to new beginnings, salute!” with a confused smile and a delicate clink of your glasses you both took a sip of your wine. As the night went on, you were having a wonderful time, however, it seemed like your alcohol was getting to you faster than usual.

“Are you alright, cara, you look a bit out of sorts, come, I’ll take you home,”

“Thanks Don, I… I’m sorry I don’t know-” before completing the rest of your sentence, your consciousness faded and you fell into a strong pair of arms. Giorno sat you back down and made a quick call to his driver before picking you up again and placing you in the awaiting car to take you to your new home. As he gazed lovingly upon your face, he knew that the road is going to be a tedious one, but you would love him one day.

Your head pounded incessantly as you tried to open your eyes. The sensations on your skin were unfamiliar- soft, silken, so inviting, lulling you back into the deep slumber you were trying to break. Was this a dream? Your eyes finally opened to an unfamiliar room, you gathered the courage to sit up in bed, still unsure if you were in a dream or not and tried to rub the sleep out of your eyes. Looking around the room, feeling a sense of panic enveloping your very existence, you ran towards the large, ornately carved door to try and leave the room, but it was locked. The windows, it seemed, were crafted from reinforced glass as they would not break regardless of what was thrown at them. Left with only one option, you began to cry out for help, surely someone would be there, it was too well kept to be an abandoned building.

Listening to the commotion from outside the room were the guards and servants tasked with making sure your requests were fulfilled, but more importantly, they needed to ensure you were safe and didn’t escape. Giorno had a way with people, a charisma that both scared and enchanted those around him. Disobedience was not even a fleeting option for those who served him, partly out of fear, but mostly out of devotion to the young don. Giving each other a knowing glance, your guard decided to call his boss to come and subdue you before you had hurt yourself.

Your throat felt raw from the shouting and hyperventilating, your skin shimmered, veiled in a thin layer of sweat and your eyes shifted this way and that, trying to spot something you could exploit to leave the room while your captor was away. It dawned on you that as terrifying as it was to be in that place, it would be even worse if you had to face whoever was holding you there, choosing rather to contend with the fear of the unknown, than putting a face to your jailor. As if even thinking of something willed it into existence, your worst nightmare materialized as you heard the door being unlocked.

“Tesoro… please stop, you’re hurting yourself,” your eyes widened when you heard the velvety voice addressing you with such tenderness.

“Don… Giovanna? Where am I? What are you doing here? Please, I need to go home, I don’t know who brought me here…” you could barely articulate yourself with your shaky voice.

“I know that you’re extremely scared and confused… there’s so much I need to explain to you… but please, first, let me look at your hands, you are hurt, I can take care of that,” it was only after he spoke that you saw the bruises blooming on the delicate skin of your hands and arms. You still stayed rooted to where you were, but Giorno inched closer, materializing GE to heal your injuries. His heart stung when you silently grimaced at the pain of his ability rejoining the blood vessels that had broken, but he hated seeing your beautiful skin being marred like that.

“Don…”

“Please, call me Giorno…”

“Okay… Giorno… can we go now? I need to go home, if we stay any longer the people who put me here might come back or send others, I…”

“Tesoro… this is your home now… the person who brought you here was me… what is the last thing you remember from yesterday?” The young don circled around you and sat you down next to him at the foot of the bed.

“Why? Why did you bring me here? Are you insane? I can’t stay here, I… don’t understand what the hell is going on! I need to call my father,” seeing you start to get agitated again, Giorno pulled out his phone and motioned for you to take it.

“Here, call him, he has already agreed to this arrangement. You’re not safe my love, I’m sure you know about the recent transgressions courtesy of your cretin of a brother. People are angry and want revenge, and unfortunately you’re in the direct line of fire. So it was decided that you would come and live with me, you’ll find all your belongings here already, mixed with things that I believe you would like. I will give you anything your heart desires, lavish you with all the love and attention I can. All you need to do is stay here… near me… nobody can challenge me…”

You heard the words, but nothing was making sense to you. You decided to take up your captor’s offer to speak to your father, who confirmed his entire story. Feeling dejected, empty and completely alone, you sank to the floor as violent sobs wracked your body. Seeing you in this state filled Giorno with dread as he lifted you off the lushly carpeted floor, but he knew he would be able to get you to love him eventually. This was this the initial shock; he was willing to wait for you to acclimate to your surroundings.

Thus began your life of isolation… your routine, if you could even call it that, consisted of waking up in your palatial room, begrudgingly having breakfast with your green-eyed abductor and sulking around for the rest of the day. Giorno put a lot of effort into making sure that you were comfortable and tried to interact with you as much as his schedule would allow him to. Initially, all of his attempts to speak to you were ignored, you wondered if the awkward silence even bothered him at all, but he always had a peaceful expression on his face. If nothing else, he was very patient with you, and at times you tested his patience on purpose, goading him to anger, in those times though, he simply left you alone in your room, not allowing you to leave for a few days, instructing your handlers to confiscate your electronics, not even offering you a sliver of human contact… you needed to think about why you were in that position after all, so there could be no distractions whatsoever. Those isolation periods would thankfully not last long enough to tip you over the edge though, and like a ray of sunshine after a storm, he’d come to unlock your doors and add color back into your world. You always were more affectionate towards him after a few days on your own, which, you reasoned, was due to the lack of any interaction at all as opposed to having any genuine feelings towards him. Giorno wasn’t picky though, he accepted your gentle touches and embraces all the same, one day… soon… you would undertake those gestures solely on your desire to do so.

Surely enough, as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, you had warmed up to him, settling into an oddly satisfying domestic life with the don. The more of yourself you gave to him, the wider your world had gotten, until you eventually had free reign over the entire estate. You soon had come to realize that if you had just played your part, and listened to him, complied with his simple requests, his kindness towards you was limitless. Giorno had remained as attentive as ever, picking up on every little change on you from the subtle change in the color of your blush to the miniscule changes in the length of your hair after its trimmed, nothing escaped his well trained eye. He beamed when you started to wear the clothes and jewels he bought for you, seeing it as a sign that you were slowly starting to accept him. The truth of the situation was that you had, against your better judgement, fallen in love with this living deity.

“Giorno… the weather’s warming up quite beautifully, why don’t we train outdoors from now on instead of working out inside?” you suggested while you kneeled on the bed behind a seated Giorno as you undid his elaborate hairstyle and brushed out the product from his hair before he took a shower.

“Hmmm… alright bella, I suppose we could do that, I’m sure the fresh air would do us both some good,” as he got up, he bent down to place a chaste kiss on your forehead before heading into the shower. For a fleeting moment, you thought about your old life, you had earned back the liberty to speak to your family, well, your father, and some friends, but the fractured relationships weren’t the same. Pushing those negative feelings to the back of your mind, you waited for Giorno so that you could both go to sleep, but your heavy eyelids fell shut. His patience with you was never more evident than in these moments, never once overstepping your boundaries or initiating intimacy that would make you feel uncomfortable. Emerging to see your sleeping form, he pulled up the covers around you and climbed into the other side of the bed, facing you, he clutched your hands in his, allowing himself to close his eyes as well.

“We’ve managed to locate her… you aren’t going to like this though,”

“Just tell me where my daughter is, I’ll decide the rest,” your mother spoke bluntly to her partner.

“She’s living with some mafia boss; I think he’s her boyfriend or something. You never see her out on her own, she’s always with him. I’ve got people watching your husband’s house, she’s only been there once, with the cocky bastard in tow. The security at his place is insane, worst of all, we think he’s a stand user,”

“Stand user? Don’t make me laugh, that means nothing, we’re stand users too, every ability has a weakness that can be exploited,” your mother lit a cigarette and took a long drag, musing on what her first move should be. After a moment of contemplation, she had her sights set on her old marital home, deciding that your father would be able to provide the most complete description of what is going on. She portrayed a nonchalant exterior, but your mother was very worried for your safety. She had a powerful stand of her own, in fact all the members of your family were powerful stand users- except you. Your mother worked closely with a foreign organization dedicated to studying supernatural phenomena as such, most of her time was divided between her travels on behalf of the organization and work that she would need to do onsite at their headquarters in Washington. Over her lifetime, she’s found herself in many precarious positions, so she decided it would be safer if she stayed away from the family in an attempt to keep everyone safe… upon hindsight, that was a fatal miscalculation. To describe her mood after speaking to your father as livid, would be an understatement.

Not wasting a moment, your mother called her associate and made her way to the don’s villa, hell-bent on taking you back from his dark clutches.

“Bella, are you ready to go?” Giorno called to you as he pulled on his coat while you put on your last accessory. You never turned down an opportunity to go out, even though your outings became slightly more frequent, you were completely captivated by discovering the different facets to Giorno’s personality. As much as he was fervently observing you and curating an ideal world tailored to you, you were learning a lot about him and the circumstances that fashioned him in this manner.

“Yes tesoro, sorry for keeping you waiting… what is it?” you were met by a wide-eyed Giorno, and it hit you… Tesoro… the name trickled so effortlessly off your lips, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t really thinking…”

“Don’t apologize amore, as long as it’s you, I don’t mind…” he softly replied, as he stroked your cheek with the back of his forefinger. You heard a faint clatter accompanied by the ring of Giorno’s phone, informing him that there had been a security breach. The soft expression on his face was gone, as he gripped you with a protective arm.

Before you had time to ask him what was going on, you heard your name being called out by a voice you barely remembered, one you didn’t think you’d hear again.

“Mother?” your voice was a whisper. Your mother looked at you, disdain skewing her features before turning her attention to Giorno, whose grip continued to tighten around you.

“(y/n), I’ve come to take you away from here, it’s obvious leaving you in the care of your father was a mistake. And you, step away from her this instant, you will regret it if you don’t,”

You hadn’t noticed the swarm of black suits that had surrounded you all, ready to pounce at Giorno’s command. His intense gaze had not left your face while your mother spoke, searching for the slightest tell indicating you might have known about this, but you were just as perplexed as he was… the guilt of him doubting you twisting his features even further.

“It’s alright, stand down men… while you really have a nerve of breaking into my property, I feel that this can be solved amicably, I’d hate for (y/n) to have to contend with any discord between us,” he spoke with a calm, even voice but that didn’t match the fury brewing in his eyes.

“Amicable? You take my daughter away from her home and you still feel like this is something that can be talked out of? You really are a piece of work!”

“Better to be the overbearing lover than the neglectful mother…” Giorno’s tone was dripping with cynicism as he handed you to one of your awaiting guards.

“You sick bastard!” your mother cried out. As if being pushed back by a glowing force that you couldn’t quite discern, the young don was thrown backwards. You hated feeling so powerless. Giorno sat up and smiled mockingly, before launching into an attack of his own you assumed, as you saw a similar golden glow envelop his body, and the bodies of the security personnel backing him up.

“Please, stop it! All of you!” you wanted to run out between them but you were restrained by your guard. It didn’t take long for Giorno and his men to restrain your mother and her associate, taking care to leave them largely unharmed while you were still present. Giorno had made one fatal error though… blame it on overconfidence or his need to constantly check on you, he had turned away and left himself wide open for a last ditch attack from your mother as she broke free. At that very moment, your body moved itself before you could even think, and faster than you ever thought possible, pushing him out of the way with only a second to spare, as the attack hit the very spot he had stood on just a moment before, shattering the marble flooring on contact. The room was enveloped in silence, Giorno motioned for his guards to leave the room, as did your mother to her partner.

“(y/n) … tesoro mio… are you okay? You… you saved me…” he said as he kneeled next to your shaking, winged form, combing his hands through your hair as he tried to get a look at your face. You looked up to see Giorno with a wide eyed golden figure hovering over him, approaching you was your mother, with a luminescent humanoid woman matching her footsteps.

“Tesoro, it seems you’re a stand user after all,” mentioned Giorno, still gazing at you, this time with an expression you hadn’t seen from him before. Completely overwhelmed by the recent events, you sat for a moment, trying to regulate your breathing with the exercises Giorno practiced with you when your anxiety overwhelmed you.

“So these are what stands are… they look terrifying…” you say, finally managing to normalize your breathing and take command of your senses once again. “where is my stand then? I presume these two figures belong to you and mother.”

“Yours is different amore… are you able to walk? Come with me…” Giorno lead you to one of the mirrors so you could see how your stand manifested; you had large wings that had sprouted from your back, your eyes glowed colorlessly, and you had luminescent geometric patterns running down your face and body, akin to the patterns you would find on a circuit board. “You have what is known as a phenomenon stand, this means that it changes your body rather than manifesting a separate entity,”

“I see…”

“We can figure out the extent of your abilities another time, for now I need to see those injuries,”

“Excuse me? You’re not doing anything further with her, I’m still serious about taking back (y/n),” interjected your mother sarcastically.

“Are you trying to anger me on purpose? I loathe having to repeat myself. Do not mistake my unwillingness to kill you this very instant on anything other than respect for (y/n),”

“Likewise…”

“You’re both so selfish!” surprised to hear you raise your voice that much, both parties were stunned to silence.

“I’m a person with my own will, I have feelings, thoughts, desires, dreams… but neither of you bother to consider any of that… Giorno, you essentially abducted me, under the ruse of protecting me, I’m sure you would have found a way to keep me safe while I lived my own life, if it was that important to you, but you weren’t interested in that… if you had just approached me like a normal person, I’d still have fallen for you… well I guess now we’ll never know … And you… mother- I use that term liberally- abandoned me… abandoned us, I don’t care what the reasons were, you left me to grow up without a mother, and now you come here and ridicule me with this dramatic display of affection,” your voice began to crack but you wouldn’t let them see you cry, not so soon after finally finding your voice, so you left them there and went off to your special spot in the far corner of the estate. You knew that Giorno created that little piece of heaven for you strategically, as it was visible from his study, but it served as your safe place, and it was what you needed right now.

Giorno’s mind was clouded and he felt an uncomfortable suffocating sensation in his chest. Glancing at your mother it was apparent that your emotional outpouring had affected her as well.

“I think its best if you leave,”

“Wait, Giorno… perhaps this approach wasn’t the best way to do this, I underestimated you…”

“For the sake of curiosity, what do you propose?”

“That’s going to depend on how you answer my next question…”

“For someone with as few options as you have, you’re incredibly brazen,” shot back Giorno, clearly becoming tired of the conversation.

“I spoke to her father before coming here… he told me about my son… is… is he dead?” speaking earnestly this time, your mother steeling herself for what the young don would say to her. He observed her intently, debating whether it would be safe to divulge any information to her.

“That’s classified information,” he said, knowing full well that the idiot was alive somewhere, unable to be a threat to anyone again, unfortunately he couldn’t divulge this information to anyone. If she was smart enough she would be able to figure it out for herself, any more than that he could not offer.

“I understand… Fine, I’ll back off, (y/n) can stay here… but I need to speak to her, to explain everything, when she’s ready though…”

Giorno contemplated for a moment, feeling oddly moved by the change in your mother’s demeanor, he found himself agreeing with her, “Fine… I’ll allow it, but I can’t have you here, never again, if you need to see her, we’ll come to you… if that’s all, I need to check on (y/n)” Your mother took her leave, thoughts of the bizarre events of the day dominating her thoughts.

You listlessly played with the water in the fountain you sat beside, eyeing the way the sunshine made the droplets that fell from your fingertips look like gems. Hearing the scrunching sound of grass being stepped on, you knew that Giorno was approaching you. Unwilling to turn around to face him, you continued to look at the water.

“May I sit with you?” his voice was tender and didn’t match his imposing figure. Looking up his striking face, framed by golden waves, you nodded wordlessly.

“Talk to me cara…”

“What do you want me to say?”

“What’s on your mind…”

You paused, thinking carefully before starting to speak. “There’s so much on my mind… I… I just can’t understand you. You bring me here under the most dubious circumstances, but treat me like I’m the center of your world. I want to hate you for taking me away from my world, but I’ve never felt as loved by anyone in that world as much as I do here with you. How can you look at me with eyes so gentle now, when those same eyes were ready to kill not even two hours ago? How am I supposed to make up my mind about you when your every action contradicts the next?”

“It’s simple bella… I love you… you’re above the rules I set for everyone else… my one weakness is you, I’m sorry, I just don’t know how else to be, it’s either everything or nothing. Perhaps, forget about what you think and focus on how you feel… You know, we aren’t that different, the two of us… so many parents between us and barely enough traits among them to make up one good guardian, having to basically raise ourselves, so much pressure from such a young age, being scared of what lurks in the dark, experiencing so much physical pain, you just become immune to it. I have to admit, I was jealous of that brave assault by your mother, I don’t know if anyone would do the same for me… except you of course… you almost died to get me out of harm’s way… and just when I thought I couldn’t love you any more than I do…”

The gentle way he cupped your chin, as if you were made of crystal, and the swirl of emotion in his eyes, compelled you to act on your impulses, kissing him passionately, releasing some of the pent up emotions and frustrations that have been building up for the longest time. His free hand curled itself around your waist, while your hands tangled themselves in his hair. Resting your forehead on his, you hear him murmuring affirmations of his love for you.

“I love you too, Gio,” the words just rolled off your tongue as if you were always meant to say them. Giorno, seemingly moved by your placid declaration, buried his face in your hair, inhaling the floral scent of your shampoo that he loved so much. What you didn’t see was the sardonic smile blooming on his handsome face. He always was a master at deception… although, it couldn’t be classified as deception if most of what he said was true… could it? He didn’t want to play the sympathy card today, but it was the only way he could firmly cement your place with him for good. Pulling away for a moment, looking at the love-struck expression on your face as you softly move your hand from his hair to his chest, he could see that you were finally complete- entirely devoted to him… there was no room for guilt this time.

[rksora]

  ⭑         ━━━━━━   AND﹡ROMA VLIVE  .  〖 소라 〗  ┊ 20.08.24                 DURATION  /    25:15

she’s handed the phone just as she makes herself comfortable in the backseat of the van. having mentioned it in passing to their manager before she and sunmi had their schedule at sbs power fm, she was happy to find her request accepted. and upon their return to the van, juhee relayed what she had in mind for her second v-live video. she knew some of the company’s pr team had mentioned it to her that she should have made it more of a habit of having v-lives, but suddenly being tossed into comeback practice had kind of derailed that plan.

so, she decides for a new video to play some of her favorite summer hits for fans -- albeit boring, juhee couldn’t really find any other way to spend with fans outside of reviewing her latest dramas she’d been binging on the side of their promotions and juhee wasn’t sure she was ready to cause fandom wars over dramas.

she can be seen fixing the phone in front of her in the car, her voice vying in and out as she laughs at something being said off-camera by their manager before she’s handed the snack that the studio had gifted them upon their departure from the studio. now that they’ve comeback juhee was getting more and more used to their radio appearances.

“hello everyone ~ did you just hear me and sun -- i mean darae unni on the radio? we were on sbs power fm! if you didn’t hear, maybe you can re-listen on their website!” her hand waves huge as she sets down her snacks in her lap and claps her hands to get rid of the crumbs that had stuck to her palms. “long time no see ~”

“i hope everyone has been well!”

“a-ah, i forgot to introduce myself. eh? everyone knows who i am?” she says, her eyes widening as she reads the comments. “eh, no way ~” she laughs, her nose crinkling before shaking her head. “i’ll introduce myself anyways for the new ones just joining us!” juhee remarks as she watches the viewer count rise.

“hello guys ~” her hand does and﹡roma’s signature greeting hand motion, fingers spread apart as she waves her hands, “twinkling and sparkling! hello ~ i’m and﹡roma’s new sky, as far as the eye can see, sora -- nice to meet everyone !”

“okay, now we’ve got that out of the way -- i’m here today to ..” she imitates a drum noise while fiddling her fingers along her lap. “dugu-dugu-dugu ~” 

“show off a few of my favorite songs from this summer. now that autumn is coming, i think it’s nice to look back at some of the songs that kept me company this summer!” 

“first! of course, i can’t not promote our newest song, high heels. if you haven’t listened to it yet -- here you go! did you see our music video? wasn’t it so cute? it was my first time practicing with heels -- i tried dancing with them before but i’m still kind of not used to it.”

she reads the comments before proceeding, “ah? any wishes for this comeback?” she hums as she thinks, “mm -- would wishing for a first win be too ambitious? i think everyone wants a first win but we’ve been working really hard for this comeback so i hope we can get a special reward such as a first win for all our efforts!”

her hand shows off her phone, the last of and﹡roma’s album drowned in the background so that juhee could play the songs from her phone. “now you’ve probably heard this song before -- luxe sunbaenim��s ‘ up & down ’ .” 

she grins proudly, “i’m not sure if many of you know this, but a few weeks ago and﹡roma did a cover of sunbae’s song and i had ashe sunbae’s lines and i was so nervous. it’s a concept we’ve never done before but i think we did it justice, though i’m nowhere near as good as ashe sunbae. i haven’t met her yet but i really hope to! she seems really cool!”

she had played a short snippet of up & down -- knowing for sure that everyone and their mothers had already heard of the song enough ( it was playing nonstop in almost every store possible since it’s release, it seemed ) -- before changing the song to a song by their brother group ( laughable considering juhee had yet to meet any of their members ), per_se.

“and next is per_se sunbaenim’s new song, ‘ o sole mio ’ , since it released it’s been stuck in my head for ages. even while we were preparing for ‘ high heels ’ i was playing it -- maybe i’ll do a cover of the choreography. it is really nice. i really like the move they do with their arms.” she reenacts the move while the song plays with a laugh. her eyes focus on the comments, letting the song play in the background. “i’m glad you guys enjoy the song too. it was a nice sound for the summer, right?”

“there’s also this american artist i’ve been listening to a lot these days, his name is giveon -- one of the new songs off his new album is my favorite. it’s called ‘ this ain’t love ’. please listen to him, his voice is really nice!”

“also samuel seo sunbae’s song ‘ soon ’ is so nice, when i go to yoga on my off days i always have this playing in the background.” she quickly changes the song after giveon’s finishes to sameul’s -- cutting out the song that had almost started in between. “it has this nice almost dance-like vibe but it’s also still nice for easy listening.”

as soon finishes, juhee pauses the next song so she can introduce it properly. “this one isn’t a new song but i just found it and i love it. i’ve never been in love before but this song kind of ... makes me wish i have.” her voice softens slightly as her gaze drops to her phone, it’s for a moment before she re-focuses her stare to the screen in front of her. she laughs at the comments that suddenly come flying. it has her sheepish at the sudden words of love coming from the fans. it’s all so new -- being told she’s loved, especially from people she hardly knew. “it’s called ‘ love ’ and from the lyrics i can understand it’s about a friend falling in love with their friend and wanting to stop pretending that their relationship is ‘ just friends ’ -- does anyone relate to it? ah, a lot of you? aw ~ i wish i could give you all hugs.”

“last but not least -- i also found this producer, called dept, and i really like his songs. they’re more rnb than pop but i think their sound makes for nice winding down music. i think it’s the best way to end the v-live, too. so let’s listen to this song well before we say goodbye ~”

her fingers press play, “it’s called ‘ summer again ’.”

juhee let’s the last song play in the background as she reads the comments, one of them catches her eye and she has a laugh -- “ah, you caught me. they’re not really upbeat or ‘summery’ -- my music taste is kind of moody, i think? at least that’s what my friends tell me.”

it’s the smallest part of juhee that she was willing to share with her fans -- even if most of the rest that she shares is unlike the real her. the smiles she shows, and the upbeat attitude she dons for shows is much unlike her actual persona but she keeps them on -- hoping that just an ounce of this smile could become real for her.

for juhee, she wished she was just the slightest bit more upbeat.

unfortunately, her music tastes failed to portray this wish.

“ah, we’re almost home so i guess this is the end for us guys ~” she waves, shooting finger hearts to the camera as she reaches out to stop the recording. “until next time!”

[slamsams-blog]

Goldeneye - #24WeeksofBond

24 Weeks of Bond continues this week with Goldeneye.  Ask anybody who grew up with an N64 what their favorite Bond movie is.  I’d be willing to bet 9 out of 10 of those people will tell you this film.  I grew up with an N64, I knew the Goldeneye video game before I even knew it was a Bond Movie.  The Goldeneye N64 game was my introduction to James Bond.  Today, i feel like shouting from the mountain tops...I can now confidently say, that Goldeneye is my favorite Bond movie.  

Besides the incredible amount of nostalgia playing multi-player Goldeneye in the basement of my best friends house almost every day after school - this movie is gritty, dark, witty, complex, and full of “punch you in the gut intensity”.  Sean Bean plays 006, and it is the ultimate villain.  Who would be a bigger adversary to Bond, then Bond himself?  That’s how close 006 compares to 007.  This film is as close to Bond vs. Bond that we will ever see.  We also have the overtly sexual psychopath in Xenia Onotopp (Famke Janssen) and Boris Grishenko (Alan Cumming) a high level computer programmer and overall sleazy creep who uses “boobs” as his passwords.

It’s hard to top this cast of characters.  It doesn’t end with the bad guys either, we have our seductive Natalya Simonova, who isn’t the obvious “sex appeal” pick, which is nice.  When we first see her, she has a wool sweater on,  a “Karen” hair cut, and a voice lower than mine - but she gets her shit done and nobody is going to tell her no.  I love seeing Natalya boss Bond around, one of my favorite Bond girls for sure.  We also are introduced to the new M, Judi Dench.  Of course, with any new boss, there is chatter within the work force and M finds herself over hearing some of it.  I do wish we had some moment where M proves her trust, but it’s all well and good in the end because she’s Judi Dench, the best M ever...with all due respect to Bernard Lee of course.

This movie starts hot, with Bond bungee jumping off a giant dam in Russia.  He then infiltrates their military base where he meets up with his pal, 006 Alec Trevelyan.  We see them tackling this mission together, but Alec finds himself in trouble.  Bond decides to improv, and adjusts the timers to 3 minutes instead of 6 - but Alec gets killed despite following orders.  Bond is now pissed.  He manages to escape by driving off a cliff to catch a falling airplane.  

This is probably the most eye-rolling part of this movie.  I can suspend my disbelief more than most (I’m a pro wrestling fan), but this is just non-sense.  He manages to catch up to the nose diving airplane, get in, buckle up, adjust the rear view mirror, throw on some AC/DC for the road, and escape.  We see the bombs going off, Bond has completed this mystery mission. We never really find out what the mission was for.  I guess just to introduce us to Oromov and Trevelyan who will become key figures later on.

We come back from an intoxicating rendition of “Goldeneye” sung by Tina Turner, and we are now 9 years into the future.  Think of all the potential movies we missed out on in those 9 years!  We see Bond in Monaco being evaluated  where he meets a crazy speed demon who turns out to be Xenia.  Bond later goes to a casino where he find Xenia there and starts to realize that something troubling is brewing.  After further digging, he finds out she has a connection to the Janus Group - a crime syndicate who has an unknown leader.  Not really sure what Bond is doing in Monaco. Was he on holiday? Was he sent there for something in particular?

ANYWAY (thanks mom), Xenia ends up killing an admiral with her apparent titanium alloy thighs during a hot night and steals a “Tiger” helicopter that can withstand any sort of electro magnetic blast.  Bond doesn’t get to it in time, and the helicopter takes off.  Now Bond is really curious...and pissed. General Oromov from the opening and Xenia set off one of the Goldeneye satellites which trigger an electro magnetic pulse, destroying every type of computer generated device.  They then enlist the help of Boris, who had just hacked into the FBI security system all nonchalantly before having a cig.

The Goldeneye destroys the area and Oromov tries to cover it up by blaming it on British separatists.  But doesn’t realize that Natalya had survived the blast.  Bond now wants to meet thee Janus, and goes to see a russian mafia don who Bond has had history with and gets a meeting set up.  This is when we find out that Janus is actually Bond’s ole mate, Alec Trevelyan.  Bond is stunned and shaken.  9 years after he saw his death, here he is. Trevelyan notes that he didn’t account Bond improving and setting the timers for 3 minutes which burned half his face, and broke his heart. “007s loyalty is always to the mission...never to his friends”. Tear.

The plan is to set off another Goldeneye in London, creating a financial meltdown, putting England back into the stone age.  But now Bond has entered the fray, and is keen on throwing a wrench into the plans.  He does so...with a tank.  In one of the more entertaining chase scenes in Bond history, we see Bond chasing down Oromov with a bloody tank.  Destroying everything in his path, and finding time to adjust his tie in the process.  Man I love this scene.  Oromov is also another great character. Played by Gottfried John, Oromov is a desperate, corrupt General - trying to put on a front as head of Russia’s space division, but also keep Janus’ plans in tact.  With flask in hand, and sweating profusely, he has to tell Janus that Bond escaped.

(Seinfeld reference alert)

Bond saves Natalya from the bad guys, yadda yadda yadda, SATELLITE FIGHT SCENE!!  Bond comes to blows with 006 on the second base where another Goldeneye detonator is being held.  This fight is so brutal and hard hitting that it really feels like Bond is fighting Bond.  These two, once friends, now bitter enemies.  Just watching this fight hurts.  And just when we think Bond is at a dead end, he kicks a lever for the ladder and drops all the way down to the tiniest platform on the bottom of the satellite, leaving himself with no room for error.  The fight continues on this tiny platform where we eventually see Bond kick Trevelyan off and grab his foot for a final farewell.

I don’t necessarily have a fear of heights, but I do have a fear of falling.  What happens next always leaves me with the feeling of my stomach being sucked up into my throat.  Bond has Trevelyan by the foot as he dangles thousands of feet in the air.  Alec finally looks up and says “For England, James”, then Bond says “STFU” and lets him go.  I get shivers just thinking about it.

Oh, did I mention this score??? The music that plays throughout this scene is heart pounding and really gets me going. There’s nothing like incredibly written fight music and Goldeneye has the cream of the crop.

There is just so much to love with “Goldeneye”.  But unfortunately for Pierce Brosnan, this movie will be his first and his best.  Goldeneye was such a tremendous success coming off a 6 year hiatus after “Licence To Kill”, that all Brosnan’s next films suffered because of it.  This film was so good because it was dark, had an unforgettable cast, and had a TOUCH of humor.  That scene where Bond goes to see Valentine is really all the humor you need - how about that Minnie Driver cameo? After this, I guess the writers went all in on the humor bit of it because the rest of the Brosnan catalog can be little more cartoony and goofy.  While I did enjoy “Tomorrow Never Dies” - it just does not compare to “Goldeneye”.

Pierce Brosnan is the perfect Bond for this era and this film in particular.  I just cannot imagine and older Timothy Dalton doing this film justice.  Goldeneye ushered in a new style of James Bond.  This film would be a taste of what was to come with the future Daniel Craig movies, and it provided an opportunity for a new generation of young, teenage movie goers to hop on board the Bond Band Wagon with the N64 video game.  It got me, that’s for sure.  This was the first Bond film I ever saw, and I’m proud to say that it is my favorite Bond movie ever.

That’s it for me this week, let me know what you thought and why it was your favorite Bond movie ever!

Reviews from Friends:

My Mom:

I watched with your dad and two of your brothers. It was a very intense and exciting film. Brosnan is so good. But it was pretty complicated and as is typical, I have a hard time keeping up with it all. That is why I loved the simplicity of last weeks choice. Lol. Because I’m old. The characters were great and I loved the feisty females

Jeremy Tillema:

Greatest bond movie produces greatest first person shooter on the greatest gaming console of all time. I said it.

Jake Benrud:

Great review Sam, and I’m with you on this one. This is a fantastic Bond movie and one of my favorites, if not my favorite. I think I have seen this movie more times than any other (I think Casino Royale might be second). I’m pretty sure I had the VHS, and I think you and I watched it numerous times. (I think Joanna was getting sick of me quoting the movie when we were watching it since I knew all the lines.) This is the movie that really got me into Bond movies. The action, the plot, the twists all made this an excellent and entertaining installment in the Bond series. Makes me want to fire back up that ‘64 and get the rumble packs out!

Tyler Dahlgren

I have been following along to these and have been giving them the Facebook like, but haven’t been commenting or watching along because honestly I could probably recite every Bond moving verbatim from start to finish. My earliest childhood memories (way, way earlier than any kid has a business being exposed to Bond) are of sitting with my Grandpa in his recliner while he munched popcorn and watched Bond. For better or for worse they are like a comfort food for me.

I say all of that to say this. Goldeneye is my favorite. I still remember watching it for the first time with Mark Kulig. We played the game and watched the movie more times than you’d think possible. The double cross, resurrection storyline. The characters. The cast is stacked. It all adds up so well and revived the franchise from some abysmal showings. I love this movie.

24 Weeks of Bond will return next Monday with - 

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service