#the jewish people-walked by he saw the jewish person suffering and helped him up brought him to an inn and paid for his lodging and medical

[trendfag]

for my history exam instead of taking the test should i just write about everything he got wrong about the bible in the last three weeks of class

[moiraxknight]

@knightsarmor

Moira and Yael had their rituals and dynamics already, mother and daughter becoming the powerful duo they were destined to become. Yael was five months already - Moira had no idea how since only yesterday she was pushing that huge, crazy-haired baby out of her body - and was a huge, pale mass of curly dark brown hair, big blue eyes and a distinctively Jewish nose. Her mother’s nose, like Oliver had wanted, and the hooded eyes she got from her father. She had already started to babble incoherently like she was having a full conversation with people, especially Billie and Wolf, the biggest listeners of her baby lectures. 

Staying away from work was simply not something Moira had done. Maybe for the first month after Yael was born she’d stayed home but longer than that would have made her crazy. So they had come up with their own mother-daughter schemes. Moira had found a way to put Yael into the sling where she’d be upright, with easy access to Moira’s breasts and full view of the world if she wanted to inspect her surroundings (which she did, often, curious eyes roaming around and discovering the world, something her parents encouraged greatly). But Moira could admit it was tiring to do both so her deal with Oliver was half a shift at the shop, only in the mornings since Yael woke up early and then she worked from home on her commissions so Yael would be away from her dad for too long either.

Right now, Yael’s head was covered by the hood on the sling while she carefully held with both tiny hands onto her mom’s left boob, eyes on Moira while she ate her lunch, and Moira was picking the new colors of yarn to add to the shop’s stock. Little Knight over there had a saying in every single item that had entered the shop’s catalogue since she was born and even before because Moira took her kicks as signs. “Which one do you prefer? Violet or Grape?” Moira lifted the two different purple shades of yarn to her view and Yael stared, cooing with her mouth full of milk and making a bit of a mess Moira had learned to ignore by now. “I think so too, this grape one is just too dark.” She nodded, putting it back on the cardboard box.

The bell at the door rang and Moira lifted her eyes, fighting hard not to roll them when she saw the person walking in. Mrs. Mills was an old church rat, queen of the catholic ladies in town, that every now and then would throw in a commentary on how incredible Jesus was specially in the presence of any of the Lieberman-Knights. Oliver in special, since the lady was still the only person in the whole of Rhineback that though Oliver was scary and mean. But the woman came into the shop at least once a week to get supplies for her crochet classes in church, usually on the afternoon shifts but not today. “Good morning, Mrs. Mills.” Moira greeted as politely as possible, closing the box with the deep purple and moving with the violet to load them into the shelves, Yael’s eyes curiously moving and her lips hard at work while she ate. 

“Oh, you’re here.” The old woman seemed startled, eyes moving to the beautifully drawn menorah on the wall Moira had put up as Hannukah approached. Moira bit back the urge to remind the woman she owned the shop, it had her name on it. “Shouldn’t you be home with your baby?” Mrs. Mills said in the most judgmental voice Moira had ever heard and she ignored it.

“Got her right here with me, ma’am, she’s perfectly fine and beautiful.” Moira didn’t bother looking back while the woman filled a basket with thread and some other colors of yarn. Yael blinked, trying to look to see who it was but Moira shook her head letting her know it was not worth it. 

“Good God, woman, I can almost see your breasts!” Mrs. Mills exclaimed and only then Moira noticed she was much too close, trying to take a pick on Yael, probably wanting to make sure that Jewish baby wasn’t horned and hooved, a little Jesus-less devil. 

“It’s her lunch time.” Moira added simply, eyes back on the box full of yarn while Yael let out a happy sigh against her breast and a light cough, probably chugging a little too excitedly on all that milk. 

“Cover yourself up, you’re a mother!” Mrs. Mills demanded and Moira took a deep breath, finally turning to face the woman, who was considerably shorter than her even though Moira wore flat boots. 

“Mrs. Mills, do you need anything, any help with your supplies?” Moira wrapped her arms around the baby, an instinctive protective move, and Yael smiled as she felt the warmth of that hug. It was December in Rhineback, which meant cold even with the heater on. 

“I need you to maintain a certain level of decency when attending your customers, Mrs. Knight, this is a family town.” The old woman barked at her, with that perfectly pushed back hair in a tight bun, doing no good to her eternal frown. 

“Mrs. Mills, my child is hungry, I am feeding her, it is quite simple actually.” Moira arched an eyebrow at her. “I find it very decent to keep my daughter fed and alive. Now if you’ve come to teach me how to be a decent mother, I’d ask you to return another day. If you need help with supplies, I am all yours.” She gave the woman a smile that had Mrs. Mills gasping in complete outrage. 

“You shouldn’t speak like that to your customers, Mrs.Knight!” The woman raised her voice and Moira’s patience was gone. Mostly because she noticed Yael flinching. They didn’t raise their voices around her unless they were singing and happy, having family time. Yael was a highly sensitive child just like her mother. “But what else could I expect from someone like you and your people?” The woman huffed and Moira took a step forward, watching her wince, not having expected Moira to react since she usually just chuckled and walked away.

“Like my people what, Mrs. Mills?” Moira leaned forward slightly, Yael widening her eyes in amusement as she moved along. “My people that refuse to hide their feeding children? My people that work hard to keep their family safe, fed and happy? My people who would never walk into your shop to tell you what you should be doing?” She added. That woman had caught her in the wrong day, and Moira would not be quiet, not in front of her daughter. She would not teach Yael to just bow down to disrespectful and intolerant people. 

“Your people that denied and killed the son of God!” The woman insisted, pointing a finger at Moira, raising her voice again and Yael was starting to wine, having let go of Moira’s breast now, looking at her mother with scared eyes like she could feel the hostility in the air.

“Get the hell out of my shop, Mrs. Mills.” Moira pointed at the exist. “Right now. This is no place for antisemitic, racist ignorante people. Get out!” She demanded and the woman gasped, dropping her basket to the floor and making Yael cry, Moira’s embrace around the little girl tightening. “You do not get to insult my people in front of me, in front of my child. I have never be anything but respectful and polite to you, Mrs. Mills, but my God did not teach me to suffer quietly, he taught me to fight for my family. Get the fuck out of here!” 

“This is absurd! I’m going to talk to the mayor!” The woman was yelling, stepping back to the exist as Moira moved towards her precisely to lead her out of the establishment. 

“And I’m going to call the police and report a hate crime if you don’t leave right now. Religious intolerance, do you know what that means?” Moira arched an eyebrow, holding tight onto her daughter while she cried, walking the woman out of the shop and onto the sidewalk. “Go away, Mrs. Mills.” It was a final warning. 

“You Godless people! You and that devil child and your evil husband!” The woman yelled at her, nearly tripping on the snow.

“Get out of here and may God bring back to you everything you give out onto the world.” Moira spoked in Hebrew, in a threatening voice, and the woman shouted in utter panic.

“You witch! She’s a witch! They’re all witches!” The woman ran off, drawing a cross over her chest, looking back to make sure Moira wasn’t following her. Moira looked down at her daughter, both of them instantly freezing out there, Yael crying startled, that pale face turning red.

“Shhh, it’s okay, neshama. The mean old lady is gone.” She whispered to her little girl, moving her body to rock her softly, wiping the tears off her cheeks. “I don’t think Jesus would like her very much.” She added, smiling at Yael and the little girl smiled back through her tears, looking confused, extending her little hands so Moira would hold onto them, kiss her tiny fingers. 

“What the fuck was that?” Moira heard that voice that instantly washed her over with calm and Yael’s eyes widened as she recognized it too. Moira looked back to see Oliver coming from the diner, lunch packed in a takeout bag, layers of clothes on him and that cute beanie hiding his hair thought hit full beard was out for her to appreciate. “You two will freeze out here.” He immediately wrapped his arm around them and brought them back into the shop, tapping the snow out of his boots by the entrance.

“Doo? Doo!” Yael cooed, shaking in the sling, turning her head to see her very favorite man in the world. Oliver came into view to kiss Moira’s lips, lingering for a moment, and she smiled widely, a toothless grin as she cooed even louder, gesturing her grabby hands towards him. “Doo!” It seemed to be her coo to her father while her mother was “Dee”. Very creative. She immediately started babbling to Oliver, telling him all the gossip of her morning at work with her mom.

“Yes, tell dad everything, how that mean old lady came in here and complained mom’s boob was out.” Moira nodded, detaching the sling so she could take Yael out of it and pass her onto Oliver. Yael was babbling nonstop when Oliver put the bag on the counter and grabbed her, covering her face and neck in kisses, rubbing his hand on her back to warm her up. “She called her a devil baby and you my evil husband.” Moira told him, wiping the dripped milk off of her chest and putting her shirt back in place, the putting on her jacket and scarf. 

“She what?” Moira knew Oliver didn’t care that the woman called him anything she wanted, but he wouldn’t stand anyone speaking will of his child. Moira waved it off, sighing and picking up Yael’s little jacket to put it on her, but the baby was busy trying to eat her dad’s nose. 

“I cursed her, we’ll be fine.” Moira said simply and he arched an eyebrow. “Next time she says anything, I’m calling the police.” She added, finally able to put the jacket on their girl, making her look like a little fluffy marshmallow as she zipped her up. “Tell dad, what are we?” Moira pointed at her and she cooed. “That’s it, Jewish and what?” Yael cooed again, lifting her arms in the air. “Jewish and proud, that’s my girl.” Moira lifted a hand and Yael laughed, giving her a light high five. Oliver chuckled, shaking her head at his ladies. “Wanna look like abba?” Moira smiled and she grinned back at her mom, letting her put on the beanie on her hear, little curls sneaking from underneath the fabric. The little girl touched the beanie on her hand and Oliver’s and smiled, recognizing their were looking alike. 

“Wow, I got some feisty ladies in my life.” Oliver nodded, looking quite smug and proud and Moira grinned, picking up her purse and the keys to the shop, turning the lights off before she took the bag with their lunch. 

“Oh, Mrs. Mills thinks we’re witches now, all of us.” She told him as they stepped out and Oliver laughed out loud, Yael following just because she loved the sound of his laugh just like her mom. 

“We should light up a big menorah on the first day of Hannukah here, invite people in town just to spite her.” Oliver teased as he held Yael in one arm and reached for Moira’s hand, leading them back to the car once she had locked up the shop.

“Ugh, you’re so hot.” Moira groaned, pulling him to her to kiss his lips again, a soft but lingering kiss she only broke when Yael smacked her own on her cheek and made her laugh. “Let’s go home and do some witchcraft, you Godless Knights.” 

[vvakarians]

World lore and Arc 1 Character lore from Melrose: City of Monsters! This world is a story that myself and my boyfriend @thecoffeerain

Maxime and Victor belong to my boyfriend! 

Charlie’s Twitter | Charlie’s P a t r e o n

Info under the cut!

ABOUT MELROSE: CITY OF MONSTERS

Melrose is a city just south of New York City in America, it’s a small town that is unassuming at first but is filled with dark secrets. Vampires, witches, werewolves, and humans exist together, though in a vaguely dysfunctional way. The government broke the news about vampires and werewolves only five years previous, though they’ve lived in society for far longer than that. At this point people are getting used to them living among the human population, but knowledge about magic is still kept under wraps. Vampirism, lycanthropy, and magic comes from a disease that is both highly contagious and genetic. Once you have it, you have it for life, eternal or not.This information is primarily for the first arc. MC information will be updated with each arc.

MAIN CHARACTERS OF MELROSE: CITY OF MONSTERS

Father Charles ‘Charlie’ Larousse-Robineau

Pronouns: They/them

Occupation: ‘Priest’

Bloodline: Vampire, former Human, Crowley Lineage

Maker: Belladonna Crowley, the Duchess

Origin: New Orleans, Louisiana, USA

Love Interest: Victor Talbot

Father Robineau is a charming and well traveled individual, having been born in the 1860’s to a fur merchant and his musician wife. A tragedy struck the family in the early 1880’s when Charlie’s father snapped after a fight between them, and he supposedly killed both Charlie’s younger brother Jean Marie, as well as their mother, brutally with an axe. Charlie barely got out alive, killing their father in self defense. After getting medical attention they fled to England, hoping that their extended family would take them in.When they didn’t, Charlie settled in Whitechapel, hired by a brothel to be a charlatan, medic, and overall fluffer for the girls there. It is there where they fell in love with a woman named Lilith Brown, or Lily, as she preferred. They were best friends and messed around with each other, but Lily turned their courtship down. Sad but understanding, Charlie continued to work as a charlatan, only to watch as their friends would begin dying one by one. People suspected Jack the Ripper and would lend no help to the people affected. As we know, the killer was not caught, and unfortunately one of the last to be taken would be Lily.Whether it was Jack, or a copycat, Charlie was determined to figure out who it was. Driven near mad by grief, Charlie called out to anything that would listen while attending the autopsy of Lily. Who would show up would not be their savior, but their Devil. A woman calling herself the Duchess. She promised Charlie power to find the person who harmed their friends in exchange for a favor at a later date. Charlie was then sacrificed on an altar far below Whitechapel, but to what goddess or entity, they did not know. All they know is that they were opened up much like the corpses on the autopsy tables in the morgue, and then drained of all blood, turned into a bloodthirsty monster. Then abandoned on the streets. After becoming feral and accidentally slaying two people, Charlie turned themself in, though they were quickly turned over to the Vampiric Council of the United Kingdom. This is where they were rehabilitated by Delilah Ainsworth and her husband Aegis Stone, then allowed to return to the USA. Though it was still hard to find a food source and the only thing they could think of to get a large group, but not have to worry about too many people finding out -- was build a congregation. This of course backfired and they made more of a cult than anything, and one of their cult members developed an unhealthy obsession with them. His name was Cedric.When Charlie saw what they had created and tried to disband the cult, Cedric intervened, but a few weeks afterwards Charlie would poison his blood supply with silver, enabling them to flee. After that they never saw Cedric again and would go on to serve in World War II before settling down in Melrose in the 1940’s, creating the cathedral they now work in, St Januarius’, but making sure that a cult never happens again. Thankfully with blood bags it’s become less of an issue.Their life changes though when a man named Victor walks into their church…

Victor Talbot

Pronouns: He/him or they/them

Occupation: Sex worker / Artist / Cat Wrangler

Origin: Sussex, England, United Kingdom

Love Interest: Charlie Robineau

Victor is the only child born to a surgeon and an art lecturer. He spent quite a bit of time with his mother who taught him all about Hinduism and the ways of their culture. As a child and throughout his school life he was bullied for being larger than his peers; this made him quite shy and destroyed his self esteem. He did find a love of dance though when he would watch Bollywood films with his mother at home, and then at school he got involved in modern dance. Though it was in secret, as he did not want his peers to bully him further. As he kept at it, Victor lost weight and began eating better, becoming how he’s seen today. Which of course gained him attention and popularity where there was none before. 

While studying medicine, as his father had proclaimed he would as all of the men of his family had, Victor found that he could help people by giving them the medicine they needed but couldn’t necessarily  afford. He then began to sell narcotics to addicts to cover the cost of the extravagant lifestyle forced upon him by his peers. A tragic accident occurred when the man he was seeing stole from his stash and OD’d, then was brought to the hospital where Victor was doing his residency. Victor did try to save his life but the man ended up dying. Of course he came clean about it to his dad, who was the chief of surgery at the hospital, but Victor’s dad told him to keep quiet about it lest he lose his job. Unfortunately, the damage was done and Victor became haunted by the loss of life at what he believed was his hands. Unable to cope with what he had caused, he began to take the pills he used to sell and became hooked. After a severe mental break having spent too many hours on shift he was suspended and dismissed from the program, now having to deal with being haunted continuously with what he’d done.

He would then fall into a drug spiral where he stole his father’s script pad, implicating him in his stealing, which got his father suspended. During this time he began taking street drugs and getting involved in the party scene, all to whisk him away from the trauma he suffered. This cycle only stopped when a tragedy happened for a second time. Another man he had been seeing died while they were together, and he woke up to his lifeless body in the bed. It’s here that Victor blacks out and does not have much memory of, only remembers waking up in the hospital and being convinced to go to rehab. 

After being released and having his parents hovering over him every second of the day, he relapsed, then was cut off by his mother and father. He would then sell all of his belongings, or what he could, and bought a ticket to America where he would be picked up by the infamous Red in Melrose, New York. It would be here that he’d meet Father Robineau at the St. Januarius Cathedral…

Hazel Coldbrook

Pronouns: They/he

Occupation: Personal Assistant + Receptionist

Origin: Manhattan, New York City, New York, USA

Love Interest: Maxime St. Martin

Hazel was adopted at the age of six by a Jewish doctor and a First Nations professor of linguistics at one of the universities in New York. He was put into the system after his father lost custody following a terrible car accident that killed his mother. He did have two younger siblings that were sent to different homes, he never saw them afterward. Hazel did have an older adopted sister named Morgan, who was often cruel and rude to him. She got him into a lot of trouble and often got him bullied by other children at school, more than he already was. It didn’t help that he was starting to have issues seeing and hearing things, on top of paranoid delusions. 

His parents did their best to set him up as much as they could, and he did get better eventually. Therapy and medication got him on the right track, though his night terrors do plague him still. Once he went away to college, Morgan was cut off from the family around the same time after she was arrested for violent breaking and entering. They didn’t see her for a while after that, though at one point she did make a brief appearance. Morgan chased after him and one night broke into his dorms while he was with his girlfriend, Willow. She was killed after trying to wrestle Morgan away from him, and he was bitten by Morgan. Thankfully, he survived, but he did find out that his sister had been turned into a vampire. 

Charlie found him in the dorm shortly after the attack, having gone hunting during a blood bag shortage. They took him to the hospital and then offered him a job as a PA at their church, helping transfer all of his college credit over to the local community college where he is now studying psychology and theology. During his time in Melrose though, he begins attending drag performances at a local club and comes upon a gorgeous drag queen...

Maxime St. Martin / Enzée Bytten

Pronouns: He/him (She/her, in drag)

Occupation: Club Owner/Drag Queen

Bloodline: Vampire, former human, Seraphim Lineage

Maker: Gabriel

Origin: Saint Martin d'Oydes en Ariège Pyrénées, France

Love Interest: Hazel Coldbrook

Maxime was born in a small, self contained village where he did not leave much until his late teens. Unfortunately, the reason why he left was not a matter of simply being sick of the small village life, it was due to a much darker purpose. A man named Gabriel had come to the village and infected the residents with vampirism, causing them all to turn on each other night by night. This was but one prong in a grand scheme to build an entire army of vampiric soldiers indoctrinated with Gabriel’s radical beliefs about humans and vampires. Maxime --being young and impressionable-- followed his Maker in his footsteps, having a sort of love for him that one could only have for a Maker.

As the decades went on, Maxime would turn people he met and attempt to sway them to their side of things, but became infatuated with human culture as he went. Eventually he saw the error of his Maker’s ways and began planning a rebellion against Gabriel. Maxime even managed to convince a human soldier who he had picked up during World War II, who he would then turn after he would get severely injured. You could say the plan went off without a hitch, though there were many casualties and a lot of fighting.

Eventually he would move on to the states where he steadily sunk into his trauma, though he would find a club to make his own in Melrose. There he would build a reputation of being cold and calculating, but as Enzée he is warm and lively -- or rather she is.Le Syndicat is where Maxime would meet Hazel, who had just come to the bar for a drink…

VAMPIRES:

Vampirism, lycanthropy, and magic all come from a single source. Different strains of diseases that all come from one person, who thus far has been lost to history, as well as the war that led to the werewolves and vampires becoming tense with each other. Vampires come from the strain that needs blood to survive, but also an undead host. It attacks all systems aside from the nervous, and shuts most of them down. They do process blood but not in the same way that a human would food. Their waste system is completely cut off and their stomach has become oddly misshapen, different. It ‘digests’ the blood and filters it back through the body so that the vampire can use it as a source of energy when healing, keeping them young, and making sure their body doesn’t rot from the inside out due to their functions being cut off. The disease is parasitic in nature this way, but eventually becomes symbiotic. Vampires need blood to survive and can be affected by blood born illnesses, though never die. At least usually. In the cases of aggressive cancers and autoimmune disorders, it can kill the host, but it’s very rare. Those with vampirism can only be turned after being fed on, drained, and then made to drink the blood of a disease carrying host; be born as a Stillborn, or be born as a fully fledged vampire. They are ever immortal, cannot eat human food unless it has blood in it and even then they cannot eat a lot of it, though this is not the same for liquids, and every bloodline has a ‘feral’ type that is different from another. Reproduction is a bit of an unknown for vampires. There are creatures called Stillborns that are the successful offspring of a vampire and a human, or are the human offspring of a vampire when the disease becomes recessive. Almost always the disease is terminal and it kills them, then resurrects them from the ages 19-31. Scientists think this could be the peak age range for humans healthwise, which is why the disease stops their aging as well at that time. Otherwise, vampires can have offspring with other vampires, however it is unsure how. It could be that their reproduction systems come alive when with a compatible partner, but no one knows for sure and it isn’t full proof. Even so most vampires, just as they will do with humans to prevent possible Stillborns, will wear protection when with other vampires. It is whispered that there are ways a vampire and a werewolf could also have child, but seeing as one is dead and one is alive, that is skepticism at best. Vampires who are born from other vampires age very slowly until that 19-31 age range and then suddenly stop. They can of course be created when one is fed off of or drained, then made to drink the blood of a host. These vampires are called ‘newborns’ and are often very attached to their makers. They acquire a Bond, which is crucial for a newborn, though they don’t always get that treatment from their Maker. A newborn without a Bond will have issues trying to feed and they often become feral. If they do form a Bond, they will feel drawn to their Maker for decades if not for life. Some may need extra care and attention, even touch when they’ve been turned. The stage when a newborn becomes a stable vampire varies from bloodline to bloodline. Becoming feral is usually something a vampire wants to avoid. It happens when they are too hungry and have been starved of blood for too long, or sometimes when they experience very strong emotions. The form of being feral varies from bloodline to bloodline, just as it would for werewolves. When being fed off of a human will feel the pain of the bite but then a euphoria will settle, which is dangerous at times. A pheromone is also given off that makes them smell and taste amazing to a human (such as saliva and skin, this is not a reference to cannibalism lmao), which was once so they could draw in prey to better feed off of. In Melrose, vampires and werewolves live together in a tenuous harmony. Again no one really can point out why they have tension but still that thought has lived on in more traditional, and older people of both kinds. They try not to encroach on the others territory and spaces, and their councils work together along with the human government when needed. Vampires answer to the Vampiric Council of their country when a crime has been committed or they need other governmental help. Currently the hub for vampiric activity is in two parts. St. Januarius’ Cathedral, and Le Syndicat, respectively a church and a nightclub. The church is a safehouse for all werewolves, vampires, and humans , and the nightclub is well...a nightclub. One is ran by a charming but seedy priest, and the other is ran by a cold, but sweet once you worm your way into his heart.

WEREWOLVES:

Werewolves, like stated above in the vampire section, come from one large strain. There was a war a very long time ago but no one really knows that anymore, and there’s just some strain among the more traditional folks. Werewolves can be born with lycanthropy, or they can be turned; though werewolves can have offspring with humans at the normal rate unlike vampires. Their children tend to be hyperactive and need a lot of attention to keep their instincts under control, much like newborn vampires. They burn off a ton of calories and usually need to be on a high calorie diet because of this as well as high in iron, which becomes worse during a full moon. Changing in and out of their forms, whether it be bipedal or all fours, tends to burn off a lot of calories and consume a lot of energy. Werewolf kids need that extra supervision so that they don’t hurt themselves during the night, but they will learn to cope as they get older. Pain management those nights is a must, a lot of werewolves keep a well stocked medicine cabinet. Being turned into a werewolf is not as a rampant problem as people used to think, it never was. Usually they can only turn someone during a full moon when their saliva has more kick to it and is full of the lycanthropic strain, which their body has on a cycle much like a period. However, they can turn someone on the odd night but it’s usually just before or just after a full moon, and they will not get the chance to turn someone during a full moon that time around. Werewolves also often experience PMS like symptoms close to the full moon, no matter what gender they are.

Their hair grows very thick and fast, usually covering their entire body in a peach fuzz and growing more prominent on their arms, chest, pubic area, back, head, etc. Sometimes the back of their hands and feet as well. They see exceptionally well in the dark, usually have the speed and strength to rival vampires, and are always on the taller side. Though there are some exceptions, especially for human born wolves, or those turned into one. Aging is slow for them, some can live up to three hundred years before they pass on. Werewolf society usually comes in the form of a pack, designating an Alpha and Betas (usually two to three) in their own way and coming to them for advice as well as governing matters. They have their own council and converse with the human or vampire government if needed. How they govern is really up to them however, just as it is for vampires. In Melrose there are smaller packs everywhere, and a bigger one out on the edge of town. This pack has recently elected (through a physical challenge of the previous Alpha) Dante Kāne as their Alpha, and he has two Betas : Serj Allgood, and Ty Hacon. The previous Alpha, a man named Gunner, is a very traditional man who put into practice not so great things (drug running, not so safe sex work, etc) but Dante is slowly trying to ease the pack into doing better things.

MAGIC:

Magic is an inherited trait, usually through a distant tie to the strain that gave the world vampirism and lycanthropy, or it is learned. Witches can be born to any human, werewolf, or vampire; though most humans still believe magic to not be real. It can also come in the form of anything, blood magic, rituals, soothsaying, fortune telling, necromancy, green magic, etc. It all exists all at once. Some believe in gods, some don’t, it’s all up to the person.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Burned Part 18

Summary:  Alfie Solomons is in need of a secretary. Tommy Shelby mentions a young woman in need of employment. From there the two step into a dangerous dance together.

Part 18: The Solomons celebrate Hanukkah and face the struggles of winter

           Fall changed to winter and Louise was finding it difficult to try and keep Inglewood warm enough. She’d nearly forgotten how drafty it was sometimes. Their home in Camden was much cozier even if there wasn’t a fire running all night.

           Other than the chill of the frosty air, Louise didn’t mind the winter. London wasn’t sweltering and she wasn’t always a sticky, sweaty mess by the time the day was over. No, in winter she could indulge in the fur-lined jacket Alfie had bought her in Paris on their honeymoon. She thought it was too soon to think about the winter, but was glad when the snow began to fall.

           Although things were going well between the couple, there were things looming. Often times, Louise couldn’t shake the feeling that they were being watched. And she couldn’t get Alfie to go to the doctor and get a diagnosis for his skin. But he always had an excuse and she couldn’t exactly force him. And she could only prompt him so many times. Besides, they had other things to focus on and Alfie was good at distracting Louise from his health.

~~~~~~~~~~

           It was their first time they would celebrate Hanukah as a married couple. As usual, they would go to Ollie’s home. The young man had a large extended family and hardly enough space for all of them. But he always invited Alfie and Louise because he knew they didn’t have much family to speak of.

           The Jewish community in Camden was starting to accept Louise even if she hadn’t converted. She made friends with some of the other newly wedded women or new mothers. Her Yiddish was getting better and she tried her best to fit in. They were welcoming, especially Ollie’s family, but Louise couldn’t help but feel a little guilty that she hadn’t seen the suffering most of them had.

           On the night of the celebration, Louise came downstairs. Alfie stood by the door and smiled when he saw her. She wore a simple dress, nothing fancy or anything revealing. But she wore a thin scarf to veil her hair. All of her Jewish friends who were married wore something similar. They said it was a tradition to show they were married. Louise wanted to respect the tradition during a holy celebration and she wanted people to know she and Alfie were married. As if he hadn’t gone around Camden and told every single person he came across.

           Alfie’s face softened. He took her hand and kissed her knuckles. There she was, right in front of him. His wife. “Ready, love?” He asked. His blue eyes were full of pride.

           She nodded and smiled. “Ready.”

~~~~~~~~

           “Alfie, look at you, you’re too thin.” An older woman scolded the man and pushed a plate stacked with food towards him.

           “Tante Raisa, I have already eaten,” Alfie replied in their native tongue. He and Louise were mingling after dinner and saying hello to all the people they hadn’t seen since last holiday season. Although they were all Ollie’s relatives, they acted as if Alfie was linked by blood too. Some had known Alfie’s family, especially Perle since she’d been so active in the community before her death.

           It was quite a different experience seeing Alfie among people he considered family. They weren’t afraid of him, making jokes at his expense, clapping him on the back, and boisterously laughing along with him. But Alfie seemed to enjoy the company and never once resorted to his business tactics.

           He was especially happy to announce he was married.

           “Tante, you remember Louise.”

           The woman smiled. “Of course, of course.” She set the plate that Alfie had rejected aside and held her hands out to Louise. “I heard you were wed in the summer. Mazel Tov!” She congratulated.

           Louise beamed. “Thank you.”

           “Alfie, what a catch.” Raisa touched Louise’s cheeks. “Look at those beautiful brown eyes. How perfect they’ll look on a healthy baby boy.” She exclaimed.

           Alfie laughed a little nervously. It had been a while since they brought up the subject of a family. He’d agreed to it but now things were getting a little more serious. He wasn’t sure it was the right time.

           “May you live to lead your children and children’s children to the wedding canopy!”

           “Alright, thank you tante.” Alfie guided Louise away. “Got nothing on their mind but bloody children.” He muttered under his breath.

           Louise hadn’t quite understood the entire blessing but picked out a few words. “They’re just excited.” She soothed.

           “Any kids of ours won’t even touch the floor for the first year of its life.” Alfie shook his head but let a small smile through. “They’ll just be passed from one person to the next.

           His wife smiled and touched his cheek. “You have been thinking about it though.” She pointed out with a sly look.

           “Hmpf.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

           The first year or so they were together, Alfie had given Louise a Christmas present. But this year, they gave each other all their gifts during Hanukah. So there was no need to celebrate it. Most of the bakery didn’t either so it was just another day of work.

           Except it was a blustery, gray morning with flakes of snow whipped about in the wind.

           Louise frowned at the conditions outside and decided it was much more pleasant in bed with her husband. She pushed the curtain back in place and snuggled closer to Alfie.

           He yawned and stretched. “Be time to get up soon.” He said.

           “It’s far too cold out.” Louise disagreed.

           “Alright, then you stay here.” He moved to get up but his wife latched onto him.

           “No, then I’ll be cold without you.” She pouted. “Stay.”

           He chuckled and kissed her cheek. “You always think you can get whatever ya want with those damn eyes, yeah?”

           She smiled and shrugged coyly. “Usually works.”

           He raised an eyebrow and sighed. “How ‘bout one more hour.” He bargained.

           Louise was more than happy to agree because she had a feeling she’d be able to get another two hours out of him.

           The morning took a turn for the worst. About fifteen minutes into their extended nap, Evelyn knocked on the door. “Mr. Solomons, Ollie’s on the phone. He says it’s urgent.” She explained from the hallway.

           Alfie groaned and pinched his eyes shut. “Yeah, right, I’ll be there in a second, Lynn.” He replied.

           Louise loosened her grip on him. “Come back.” She pled softly.

           “’Course, love, I’ll only be a mo’.” He smiled and pecked her lips before getting up and throwing on pants and a shirt.

           He was gone for much longer than planned. Enough time for his residual heat in the bed to fade. Louise coaxed Cyril up onto the bed and to take Alfie’s place. The man was gone long enough for the dog to settle and eventually doze off, drooling on his master’s pillow.

~~~~~~~~~~~

           Finally, Alfie returned to the bedroom. But he was in a much different state than when he left. He headed over to the dresser. “Cyril, fuck off there.” He shooed he dog off the bed. But he didn’t get back under the covers as planned. Instead, he began to get dressed for work.

           “Alfie?” Louise picked up on his frantic energy. Something Ollie told him had set him off. “What happened?”

           He shook his head but knew he had promised some transparency. He grunted as he sat on the edge of the bed to pull on his boots. “John Shelby was gunned down ‘bout a few hours ago.”

           Louise put a hand over her heart. “No that…” She got an acidic taste in her mouth. She got a nauseous feeling in her stomach and the room seemed to spin. In a moment, she dashed off to the bathroom and became ill.

           Alfie went to hold her short curls away from her face. “S’alright, love.” He rubbed her back. “Easy…”

           Louise staggered back to her feet and rinsed her mouth out. She rubbed her eyes and took a shaking breath. “Did you know?”

           “What?”

           “Did you know he arrived?” Louise knew who killed the Shelby brother. It had to be the man who was vowing to kill the entire family for months.

           Alfie swallowed and rubbed his hands together. “I didn’t know for sure.” He admitted. “He sent another telegram last week but it was just like the other ones.”

           Still feeling sick and faint, Louise went to sit back on the bed. “What are we going to do now?” She asked.

           “We’re going to be smart ‘bout it.” He replied. “No walking about by yourself, aye? Make sure you’ve got some protection.”

           Louise nodded quietly. She wasn’t going to argue with him. Suddenly, the world around her didn’t feel safe. She put a hand to her stomach as more nausea came over her.

           Alfie noticed her face paled. “Maybe you should stay home if you’re not feeling well.” He murmured and touched her forehead to see if she was running a fever.

           Louise circled her fingers around his wrist. “I’m scared.” She whispered honestly.

           “You don’t have to be, Lou, I’ll take care of you.” He kissed her forehead. “I’ve got to get to the bakery though. You’ll be alright here?”

           She nodded absent-mindedly and let her hand fall from his wrist. “I’ll be okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

           After Alfie left, Louise went downstairs to talk to Evelyn. She seemed unaware of John’s death or Luca Changretta setting foot in the country. “Mr. Solomons said you were feeling ill, can I make you anything to eat? Maybe fetch you something from the chemist?” The young woman asked.

           Louise shook her head. She didn’t want to be alone in the house even though she had seen some of Alfie’s men lingering by the building. “No, Lyn, thank you. I think I’ll try and eat once my nausea’s passed.”

           “Can I draw you a bath?” Evelyn suggested. “Might make you feel better.”

           “Actually that does sound lovely, thank you.” Louise passed by the front windows and paused for a moment. She watched a few people pass by and her mind traveled to a dark place. What if someone just stopped, pulled out a gun, and shot her down. What would be stopping that person?

           Evelyn went to go upstairs to start the bath.

           “Oh, Lyn, before I forget, will you send flowers to the Shelbys in Small Heath?” Louise stopped her.

           The maid looked confused. “Flowers?”

           “One of their family members passed and I wanted to send my condolences. But wait Ishmael can bring you. Alfie wants to make sure we’re both safe. Things are changing.”

Permanent Tag List: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla​ @giftofdreams​

Tag List: @vehement-care​ @kimmietea​ @eleventhdoctorsangel​ @fire-treasure-iii​ 

Masterpost

PB Masterlist

[bluewatsons]

Michael A. Peters, Wittgenstein and the ethics of suicide: Homosexuality and Jewish self-hatred in fin de siècle Vienna, 51 Edu Phil & Theory 981 (2019)

If suicide is allowed, then everything is allowed. If anything is not allowed, then suicide is not allowed. This throws a light on the nature of ethics, for suicide is, so to speak, the elementary sin. And when one investigates it is like investigating mercury vapours in order to investigate the nature of vapours. —Wittgenstein, L. Notebooks 1914–1916, Tr. G.E.M. Anscombe. Harper: New York, 1961, p. 91

Introduction

One of Ludwig Wittgenstein’s cousins and three of his four brothers committed suicide. Hans committed suicide most likely throwing himself from a boat in Chesapeake Bay in May 1902, having run away from home. Rudi committed suicide in a Berlin bar, administering himself cyanide poisoning in 1904, most probably because of homosexuality that he referred to as ‘perverted disposition’ in a suicide note. Kurt shot himself in 1918 at the end of the war when his troops deserted en masse.

The profound influences upon young Ludwig were the physicist Ludwig Boltzmann who committed suicide in 1906 and Otto Weininger, author of Sex and Character, who committed suicide in 1903. For the most part, these suicides were committed before Ludwig had turned 15. Young Ludwig was also profoundly influenced by Schopenhauer who he read while still at school. Schopenhauer denied that suicide was immoral and instead saw it as the last supreme act of freedom and assertion of the will in ending one’s life. In ‘On Suicide’ in Studies in Pessimism, Schopenhauer writes that none of the Jewish religions ‘look upon suicide as a crime’. Yet, these religious thinkers:

tell us that suicide is the greatest piece of cowardice; that only a madman could be guilty of it; and other insipidities of the same kind; or else they make the nonsensical remark that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the world to which every mail has a more unassailable title than to his own life and person.1 https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/s/schopenhauer/arthur/pessimism/chapter3.html

Schopenhauer remarks ‘the inmost kernel of Christianity is the truth that suffering – the Cross – is the real end and object of life. Hence Christianity condemns suicide as thwarting this end ... ’ As Jacquette (2000) notes, despite his profound pessimism Schopenhauer rejects suicide ‘as an unworthy affirmation of the will to life by those who seek to escape rather than seek nondiscursive knowledge of Will in suffering’ (p. 43). Young Ludwig while of Jewish origins was baptised a Catholic. It is well known that Wittgenstein loses his faith while still at school.

Wittgenstein entertained thoughts of suicide from his early teenage years throughout his life. This suicidal ideation came to the fore even more intensely, if we are to judge from his letters to Paul Englemann, during the years he spent as an elementary school teacher in the mountain villages of Austria. In the period 1919 when he trained as a teacher until 1926 when he abruptly resigned after hitting a boy who fell unconscious as a result, Wittgenstein suffered intense bouts of depression (Peters, 2017).

This essay is devoted to the question: in view of his suffering and the Jewish cult of suicide in fin de siecle Vienna why did Wittgenstein not take his own life? I investigate this question focusing on Wittgenstein’s sources of suffering around what I call his ‘double identity crisis’ caused by his homosexuality and his Jewish self-hatred.

Identity crisis; suicide in Vienna

Under the heading ‘Suicide Squad’ Jim Holt (2009) reviewing Alexander Waugh’s The House of Wittgenstein: A Family at War begins rather sensationally with the following:

“A tense and peculiar family, the Oedipuses,” a wag once observed. Well, when it comes to dysfunction, the Wittgensteins of Vienna could give the Oedipuses a run for their money. The tyrannical family patriarch was Karl Wittgenstein (1847-1913), a steel, banking and arms magnate. He and his timorous wife, Leopoldine, brought nine children into the world. Of the five boys, three certainly or probably committed suicide and two were plagued by suicidal impulses throughout their lives. Of the three daughters who survived into adulthood, two got married; both husbands ended up insane and one died by his own hand. Even by the morbid standards of late Hapsburg Vienna these are impressive numbers. But tense and peculiar as the Wittgensteins were, the family also had a strain of genius. Of the two sons who didn’t kill themselves, one, Paul (1887-1961), managed to become an internationally celebrated concert pianist despite the loss of his right arm in World War I. The other, Ludwig (1889-1951), was the greatest philosopher of the 20th century. https://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/01/books/review/Holt-t.html

At the end of World War I, troops under the command of Wittgenstein’s second oldest brother, Kurt, rebelled against his orders, and Kurt became the third brother to commit suicide. This is how Waugh describes the suicide of Rudi, a 22-year-old chemistry student at the Berlin Academy:

At 9.45 on the evening of May 2, 1904, Rudi walked into a restaurant-bar on Berlin’s Brandenburgstrasse, ordered two glasses of milk and some food, which he ate in a state of noticeable agitation. When he had finished, he asked the waiter to send a bottle of mineral water to the pianist with instructions for him to play the popular Thomas Koschat number, Verlassen, verlassen, verlassen bin ich. As the music wafted across the room, Rudolf took from his pocket a sachet of clear crystal compound and dissolved the contents into one of his glasses of milk. The effects of potassium cyanide when ingested are instant and agonising: a tightening of the chest, a terrible burning sensation in the throat, immediate discoloration of the skin, nausea, coughing and convulsions. Within two minutes Rudolf was slumped back on his chair unconscious. The landlord sent customers out in search of doctors. Three of them arrived, but too late for their ministrations to take effect. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/3559463/The-Wittgensteins-Viennese-whirl.html

His father forbade any mention of Rudolf in the Wittgenstein household, a decision that caused a rift between parents and children. Johannes ‘Hans’ the eldest son had died in a canoe- ing incident in America. As Waugh (2010: 29) writes: ‘the most likely scenario is that he did indeed commit suicide somewhere outside Austria, that the family had prior intimations, or direct warnings, of his suicidal intent, and that the spur that induced them to declare openly that he had taken his life was the very public death in Vienna, on October 4, 1903, of a 23-year-old philosopher called Otto Weininger. Weininger’s suicide caused a significant stir in Viennese society. The newspapers ran pages of commentary about him, and his reputation rose from that of obscure controversialist to national celebrity in a matter of days. All the Wittgensteins read his book.’

Weininger (1903/2005) had a profound influence on Wittgenstein through his notorious Sex and Character that he wrote and published in 1903. The book argues that all people are fundamentally bisexual and all individuals are composed of a mixture - the male aspect is active, productive, conscious and moral/logical, while the female aspect is passive, unproductive, unconscious, amoral and alogical. While emancipation is only possible for ‘masculine women’ it is the duty of the male to strive to become, a genius forging sexuality for the abstract love of God in which he can find himself. He was a Jewish convert to Christianity, and Weininger analysed Jewishness in terms of feminine qualities, later used by the Nazis. Weininger was a tormented soul who became a cult figure influencing a wide range of people. His genius was acknowledged by ‘Ford Maddox Ford, James Joyce, Franz Kafka, Karl Kraus, Charlotte Perkins- Gilman, Gertrude Stein, and August Strindberg’ as well as William Carlos Williams, Freud and Hitler (Stern & Szabados, 2004). He was a deep misogynist, an anti-Semite and self-loather (Rider, 2013). He also deeply influenced Wittgenstein, who writes:

I think there is some truth in my idea that I am really only reproductive in my thinking. I think I have never invented a line of thinking but that it was always provided for me by someone else & I have done no more than passionately take it up for my work of clarification. That is how Boltzmann Hertz Schopenhauer Frege, Russell, Kraus, Loos Weininger Spengler, Sraffa have influenced me. (CV, 16)

Engaging the work of Otto Weininger (1880–1903), one of the most widely discussed authors of fin-de-siece Vienna, can help illuminate this sense of a ‘crisis of the subject’ and its relation- ship to the world that informed so much of Vienna’s cultural production and debate at the time. Of all the books Wittgenstein read in his adolescence Weininger’s Sex and Character has the greatest influence (Monk 1990, p. 25). Achinger (2013, p. 121) reads Weininger through the lens of Critical Theory to suggest ‘viewing “the Woman” and “the Jew” as outward projections of different, but related contradictions within the constitution of the modern subject itself.’ She goes on to argue:

More specifically, “Woman” comes to embody the threat to the (masculine) bourgeois individual emanating from its own embodied existence, from “nature” and libidinal impulses. “The Jew,” on the other hand, comes to stand for historical developments of modern society that make themselves more keenly felt towards the end of the nineteenth century and threaten to undermine the very forms of individuality and independence that had previously been produced by this society. Such a reading of Geschlecht und Charakter not only can help illuminate the crisis of the bourgeois individual at the turn of the twentieth century, but also could contribute to ongoing discussions on why modern society, although based on seemingly universalist conceptions of subjectivity, continues to produce difference and exclusion along the lines of gender and race.

Certainly, such a critical interpretation coheres with the reading of a ‘double identity crisis’ facing the younger Wittgenstein growing up in fin d’siecle Vienna.  Le Rider (1990) argues ‘The crisis of the individual, experienced as an identity crisis, is at the heart of all questions we find in literature and the humane sciences’ (p. 1) and remarks that ‘Viennese modernism can be interpreted as an anticipation of certain important ‘postmodern’ themes’ (p. 6). He has in mind, for instance, the way in which Wittgenstein’s philosophy of language ‘deconstructs the subject as author and judge of his own semantic intentions’ (p. 28). He remarks in terms of the crisis of identity how Wittgenstein, ‘like all assimilated Jewish intellectuals, found his Jewish identity a problem’ and the problem of his Jewish identity was coupled with a crisis of sexual identity, when at least at some periods of his life he sought refuge from his homosexual tendencies in a kind of Tolstoyan asceticism (p. 295). He suggests:

Wittgenstein, who ... looked back nostalgically on a well-ordered world where everyone had his place, found modernity uncultured because it had lost its power to integrate, and left individuals in a state of confusion. The only ones who can keep their balance and personal creativity are those whom Nietzsche calls the strong men, that is the most moderate, who need neither convictions nor religion, who are able not only to endure, but to accept a fair amount of chance and absurdity, and are capable of thinking in a broadly disillusioned and negative way without feeling either diminished or discouraged. (p. 296)

He argues that the consequences of this double crisis of identity, much more than is commonly accepted, are intimately tied up with the fundamentals of his thought and with a number of his intellectual preoccupations: his interest in Weininger and in psychoanalysis, his mystical tendencies, but also his reflections on genius, on the self, and on ethics^ı (p. 296). The importance that Le Rider(1993) places upon Nietzsche as part of the cultural fabric of Viennese modernism exericised upon a young Wittgenstein is borne out by other scholars of fin-de-siecle Vienna.

There is a kind of Wittgensteinian hagiography that for years has prevented the investigation of these questions which is of itself an interesting question in the anthropology of philosophy, especially that form of analysis that insists on a sharp separation between the man and the work. This line of argument suggests that the realm of ideas properly belongs to that of the mind that can be discussed dispassionately and in a technical way that pays attention to the space of arguments and the structure of argumentation; while the realm of biography belongs to that of the body, to the temporal dimension of existence emphasising its finitude. Thus, the mind-body dualism lives on and also prevents the influence of arguments and observations of psychobiography on philosophy per se.

Viennese Modernism has attracted much scholarly and public interest in recent decades, in part because some of the most enduring works of art, literature, and philosophy produced in Vienna around the turn of the last century question key concepts of liberalism and Enlightenment – such as the notions of progress, of the coherent and rational subject, and of a stable and unproblematic relationship between subject and world in which language is nothing but a neutral and transparent mediator – in ways that seem to prefigure contemporary debates. There are many stories of Jewish artists and philosophers who wrestled with identity issues in a hostile social and intellectual environment of Vienna sometimes internalising aspects of anti- Semitic ideology that no doubt propelled many to seek a new Christianised identity to help mask the transition. How Gustav Mahler, a Bohemian-Jewish artist of genius, responds to the challenges of a German culture that he has appropriated completely but into which he is never fully accepted is the subject of Niekerk’s (2013) Reading Mahler: German Culture and Jewish Identity in Fin-de-Siecle Vienna. Mahler was a frequent visitor to the Wittgenstein mansion when Wittgenstein was a boy. Mahler’s own artistic endeavours are determined by the complex responses to Goethe, the Romantics, Wagner, and, above all, Nietzsche and to rewrite German Romanticism at a time when German cultural history was dominated by Wagner’s anti-Semitic views. Another example is Fritz Waerndorfer who wanted to ‘His House for an Art Lover’ to ‘establish himself as an important participant in the Viennese avant-garde scene but also to promote a new artistic agenda’ and wished ‘to establish a new identity for himself as an assimilated Jew through the modernist redesign’ (Shapira, 2006).

Jewish self-hatred and homosexuality

The question of Jewish self-hatred has been an enduring issue for many years. Paul Reitter (2009: 359), author of The Anti-Journalist: Karl Kraus and Jewish Self-Fashioning in Fin-de-Siecle Europe (2008) indicates

The tendency not to lean too heavily on anyone else’s theory of Jewish self-hatred has no doubt helped a fairly small discussion produce a wide range of interpretive strategies: social psychological (Lewin), psychoanalytic (Gay), psycho-historical (Liebenberg), intellectual historical (Hallie), “topological” (Gilman), and cultural historical (Edelman and Volker).

He refers to Gilman’s (1986) Jewish Self-Hatred that ‘it is only natural, that where some measure of integration is a desideratum, and there is also bigotry in the ‘majority culture’, minority self-loathing will occur’ (Reitter, 2009: 360). He argues Gilman, like W.E. B. Du Bois before him, attempts to explain how ‘German Jews came to ‘accept’ and ‘internalize’ a distorted, decidedly negative image of their own group.’ Du Bois, as Reitter (2009: 360) reports, writes: ‘But the facing of so vast a prejudice could not but bring the inevitable self-questioning, self-disparagement, and lowering of ideals which ever accompany repression and breed in an atmosphere of contempt and hate’ (cited in Reiter, 2009). He quotes from Endelman, who as he remarks is an eminent historian of European Jewry:

Self-hating Jews were converts, secessionists, and radical assimilationists who, not content with disaffiliation from the community, felt compelled to articulate how far they had travelled from their origins by echoing anti-Semitic views, by proclaiming their distaste for those from whom they wished to dissociate them- selves. What set them apart from other radical assimilationists was that, having cut their ties, they were unable to move on and forget their Jewishness. (cited in Reitter, 2009: 366).

Reitter (2009) wants to retrace the evolution of the term ‘Jewish self-hatred’ as a more polite concept than ‘Jewish antisemitism’ with redemptive possibilities. The question is complex and the hypothesis that Jews who harboured such a negative self-image and possessed such a strong desire to be accepted in a society that was covertly and residually hostile to Jews’ might be true but it risks becoming ‘a rhetorical weapon to critics of assimilation’, as Janik (2013 Janich (2013, p.143) suggests in a review of Rietter. He refers to David Sorkin and Steven Beller, who ‘have provided us with accounts of how vigorous Jewish criticism of Jewish life, Socratic self-criticism, was part and parcel of a self-consciously Jewish ‘enlightenment’ (haskalah) from the time of Moses Mendelssohn.’

Wittgenstein’s Jewish self-loathing is a complex affair. David Stern (2001: 237) asks:

Did Ludwig Wittgenstein consider himself a Jew? Should we? Wittgenstein repeatedly wrote about Jews and Judaism in the 1930s (Wittgenstein 1980/1998, 1997) and the biographical studies of Wittgenstein by Brian McGuinness (1988), Ray Monk (1990), and Szabados (1992, 1995, 1997, 1999) make it clear that this writing about Jewishness was a way in which he thought about the kind of person he was and the nature of his philosophical work.

He answers his own question by reference to Brian McGuinness’ Young Ludwig (1889-1921) – ‘First, Wittgenstein did, on occasion, speak of himself as a Jew’ especially in relation to Weininger’s writings on Jewish character in a series of now famous remarks made in the 1930s recorded in Culture and Value. Second, ‘Wittgenstein did, on occasion, deny his Jewishness, and this was a charged matter for him’ (p. 239), in particular in his confessions to family and friends in 1936 and 1937 when he refers to his misrepresentation of his Jewish ancestry. Stern later comments: ‘Is there a connection between Wittgenstein’s writing on Jews and his philosophy? What did he mean when he spoke of himself as a “Jewish thinker” in 1931?’ (p. 265) and concludes

Wittgenstein’s problematic Jewishness is as much a product of our problematic concerns as his. There is no doubt that Wittgenstein was of Jewish descent; it is equally clear that he was not a practicing Jew. Insofar as he thought of himself as Jewish, he did so in terms of the anti-Semitic prejudices of his time (p. 269).

Wittgenstein’s sexuality also caused him much anguish and led to bouts of homosexual self- loathing. In Austria and the United Kingdom homosexuality was still outlawed and considered not only a crime but also a psychiatric treatable condition. There were many risks associated with homosexuality and even with writing about in as late as the 1970s. William W. Bartley III (1973) published his book on Wittgenstein that included references to Wittgenstein being gay, much to the dismay of the philosophical establishment that tried to ban such discussion and to deny that there was any link at all between his work and his sexuality and the feelings it generated. Barley made a few off-hand remarks about Wittgenstein’s promiscuous homosexuality while he was training to be a teacher in Vienna. The evidence for this claim has never been established (Monk, 2018).

Wittgenstein had relationships with David Pinsent in 1912, with Francis Skinner in the 1930s and Ben Richards in the late 1940s. The first was purely Platonic or unconsummated and it is unclear to what extent the other two relationships involved physical expressions of love. It has been a major problem in Wittgenstein studies to address and analyse his sexuality and homo- sexuality as though somehow Wittgenstein’s sexual feelings tainted the ascetic moral ideal that had been built around him as a philosopher. It is interesting the extent to which perspectives have changed – not only societal values and the embrace of gay and transsexual rights but also the legitimacy of sexual autobiography in relation to questions of philosophy. The fact that Michel Foucault was gay by contrast is considered strongly to influence his outlook and his work, and he is celebrated because of it. It was a very significant part of his work in his genealogical studies of the history of sexuality and coloured his view of women’s sexuality. For Wittgenstein, a generation older, the societal reaction was quite vicious and Wittgenstein agonised over his sexuality, without ever addressing it, even though there was an underground acceptance of homosexuality at Cambridge.

There is little doubt of Wittgenstein’s homosexuality or its importance in understanding the man. The more difficult question is the effects of his homosexuality on his philosophy and on his relationships when he was a teacher. Psychoanalytically, much could be made of this personal secrecy and the need to preserve confessional material from prying eyes that might be very damaging. The question is fundamental yet there is no extant work that risks analysis in relation to Wittgenstein to my knowledge. Sex and language as a particular focus of a wider debate on the issue of gender and language now seems almost commonplace. Wittgenstein may have taken some relief from Freud’s analysis of the bisexual nature of human beings where everyone is attracted to both sexes yet Freud’s determinism in ascribing biological and psycho- logical factors on the basis of deep libidinal sexual drives making it difficult to change would have raised questions for Wittgenstein at the point he was trying to change.

Gay male culture began to flourish in the late nineteenth century in 1920s Vienna (sodomy was still an imprisonable offence) and sexologists like Krafft-Ebing and Freud had begun to codify homosexual identity and to see it as a ‘perversion’. There were still very strong taboos in place when Wittgenstein was a teacher. It was not until the 1970s after the ‘Gay Holocaust’ that gay and lesbian activism saw a resurgence. Had Wittgenstein’s homosexuality been known at this time it would almost certainly would have led to his vilification. This anti-gay environment in general society and in teaching forced Wittgenstein’s sexual identity ruminations underground. Derek Jarman’s (1993) witty depiction of the gay ‘Wittgenstein’ is a path-breaking dramatic analysis of Wittgenstein’s opening up as a gay man.2

Wittgenstein on suicide

‘The Ethics of Suicide Digital Archive’ is an exhaustive work accompanying the book prepared by the philosopher Margaret Pabst Battin from the University of Utah3 that begins:

Is suicide wrong, always wrong, or profoundly morally wrong? Or is it almost always wrong but excusable in a few cases? Or is it sometimes morally permissible? Is it not intrinsically wrong at all, though perhaps often imprudent? Is it sick? Is it a matter of mental illness? Is it a private or a social act? Is it something the family, community, or society should always try to prevent, or could ever expect of a person? Could it sometimes be a “noble duty”? Or is it solely a personal matter, perhaps a matter of right based in individual liberties, or even a fundamental human right? https://ethicsofsuicide.lib.utah.edu/introduction/

The Digital Archive acts as comprehensive sourcebook, providing a collection of primary texts on the ethics of suicide in both the Western and non-Western traditions, with an archive based on Wittgenstein’s Notebooks 1914–16 and Letters. The introduction to these texts is prefaced by a note on Wittgenstein’s feelings about suicide during the years 1912–13 when how spent time with David Hume Pinsent, a friend, collaborator and Plantonic lover of Wittgenstein.

Wittgenstein friend and collaborator David Hume Pinsent, with whom he traveled on holidays together, describes Wittgenstein’s frequent thoughts of suicide at numerous places in his own diary. In Pinsent’s entry for June 1, 1912, he notes that Wittgenstein told him that he had suffered from terrific loneliness for the past nine years, that he had thought of suicide then, and that he felt ashamed of never daring to kill himself; according to Pinsent, Wittgenstein thought that he had had “a hint that he was de trop in this world.” In his entry for September 4, 1913, when they were traveling in Norway, Pinsent describes Wittgenstein as “really in an awful neurotic state: this evening he blamed himself violently and expressed the most piteous disgust with himself ... it is obvious he is quite incapable of helping these fits. I only hope that an out of doors life here will make him better: at present it is no exaggeration to say he is as bad–(in that nervous sensibility)–as people like Beethoven were. He even talks of having at times contemplated suicide.” In his entry for September 25, 1913, Pinsent reports that “This evening we got talking together about suicide–not that Ludwig was depressed or anything of the sort–he was quite cheerful all today. But he told me that all his life there had hardly been a day, in which he had not at one time or other thought of suicide as a possibility. He was really surprised when I said I never thought of suicide like that–and that given the chance I would not mind living my life so far–over again! He would not for anything.” (Italics in origin, https://ethicsofsuicide.lib.utah.edu/selections/wittgenstein/).

Pinsent (1891–918) was a descendent of Hume who gained a first class honours at Cambridge University in mathematics. Wittgenstein had only arrived at Cambridge to talk with Russell about whether he should take up philosophy in October 1911. During the Christmas vacation Wittgenstein comes to the end of a deep depression. He meets David Pinsent in Russell’s rooms and they quickly became friends, taking tea together, attending concerts, and making music. Within a month of meeting Wittgenstein proposed to Pinsent that they go on holiday together to Iceland in September 1912. They took a second holiday together at the same time in 1913 and were to meet in August 1914 before WWI intervened. As Preston (2018) has reported Wittgenstein received letters which he described as ‘sensuous’. Their relationship was fated when on May 8 1918 Pinsent is killed in an air accident while flying a de Havilland bi-plane. Preston writes:

In the immediate aftermath of Pinsent’s death, Wittgenstein was depressed to the point of planning to kill himself somewhere in the mountains in Austria. But at a railway station near Salzburg he bumped into his uncle Paul, who found him in a state of anguish, but saved him from the suicide he was planning. Wittgenstein kept in contact with Pinsent’s family at least until mid-1919, and probably beyond that. https://theconversation.com/how-ludwig-wittgensteins-secret-boyfriend-helped-deliver-the-philosophers-seminal-work-96557

Pinsent supported Wittgenstein and admired him. It seems clear that Wittgenstein was in love with Pinsent. He dedicated the Tractatus to him when it was published in 1921. Many of the reports on Wittgenstein’s depressed and suicidal state of mind during this period come from Wittgenstein’s letters and Pinsent’s diary.4

It is during this period that Wittgenstein (1961) comes to a resolution about suicide when he writes in what we know as the Notebooks 1914–1916

If suicide is allowed then everything is allowed. If anything is not allowed then suicide is not allowed. This throws a light on the nature of ethics, for suicide is, so to speak, the elementary sin. And when one investigates it it is like investigating mercury vapours in order to investigate the nature of vapours.

For Wittgenstein suicide is the paradigmatic case for ethics and while he seems to have entertained suicide as an idea from when he was a boy he steadfastly refuses to give into his despair. Suicide is an evasion of life and God’s will demands that we should come to terms with the facts as a moral task despite the sheer enormity of it and the difficulties of confronting one’s own nature. To his friend Paul Englemann (‘Mr E’ who edits the Letters) on May 30, 1920 he expresses how desperate he has become:

I feel like completely emptying myself again; I have had a most miserable time lately. Of course, only as a result of my own baseness and rottenness. I have continually thought of taking my own life, and the idea still haunts me sometimes. I have sunk to the lowest point.

And writing again to Mr E. he confesses that he is sinking more deeply into depression, that he is contemplating suicide but cannot will himself to take his own life:

I am beyond any outside help. – In fact I am in a state of mind that is terrible to me. I have been through it several times before: it is the state of not being able to get over a particular fact.... I know that to kill oneself is always a dirty thing to do. Surely one cannot will one’s own destruction, and anybody who has visualized what is in practice involved in the act of suicide knows that suicide is always a rushing of one’s own defenses. But nothing is worse than to be forced to take oneself by surprise.

One wonders about the state of mind of a man suffering from continual torment and living daily with the threat of suicide and his capacity to teach children under such circumstances. He writes to Keynes in October 18, 1925 just before the so-called Haibauer incident (hitting the boy):

I have resolved to remain a teacher as long as I feel that the difficulties I am experiencing might be doing me some good. When you have a toothache, the pain from the toothache is reduced by putting a hot water bottle to your face. But that works only as long as the heat hurts your face. I will throw away the bottle as soon as I notice that it no longer provides that special pain that does my character good.

Suicide could not be the answer for Wittgenstein. He had decided to learn to live with it as a test of his moral character. Paul Engelmann (1974) in a brief memoir writes:

Wittgenstein experienced the world as filled with ‘vile’ and ‘disgusting’ people, not exempting himself. He told David Pinsent, the close companion of his prewar years in Cambridge, that he felt he had ‘no right to live in an antipathetic world ... where he perpetually finds himself feeling contempt for others, and irritating others by his nervous temperament without some justification for that contempt etc. such as being a really great man and having done really great work.’ He began to think of suicide at the age of 10 or 11; a decade or so later he told Pinsent he ‘felt ashamed of never daring to kill himself,’ and in 1918 we find him ‘on his way to commit suicide somewhere.’ ....Though Wittgenstein eventually died of natural causes, he was clearly a tormented figure. His search for decency and honesty not only led him to give his entire fortune away but often took the form of browbeating others ... .

In The Myth of Sisyphus Albert Camus (1942/1997) declares ‘There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide’ (Il n’y a qu’un probl eme philosophique vraiment s erieux: c’est le suicide), a very similar definitive statement by Wittgenstein some forty years earlier: ‘Suicide is the elementary sin’. According to Schopenhauer, moral freedom – the highest ethical aim – is to be obtained only by a denial of the will to live. ‘When life is so burdensome, death has become for man a sought-after refuge’. Schopenhauer affirmed: ‘They tell us that suicide is the greatest act of cowardice... that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and person’. Schopenhauer has a significant influence on Wittgenstein, especially in his the early period. Schroeder (2012, p. 367) notes that Schopenhauer influences his early thinking on ethics and the meaning of life:

His 1916 Notebook (NB 71–91) and the final pages of the Tractatus contain a number of echoes of Schopenhauer. Like him he describes aesthetic contemplation using Spinoza’s expression “sub specie aeterni[tatis]”; he repeats Schopenhauer’s criticism of the categorical imperative: that every imperative calls forth the question “And what if I do not do it?” (TLP 6.422); he also agrees with Schopenhauer (and Kant) that the good action should not be motivated by its consequences (TLP 6.422); like Schopenhauer he thinks that science cannot answer questions of value; like him he places “the solution of the riddle of life” outside space and time (TLP 6.4312), and like him he thinks that “what is higher” cannot ultimately be expressed in words. (TLP 6.432, 6.522)

Schroeder (2012) suggests that of greater philosophical importance are Schopenhauer’s thoughts on idealism and especially ‘world as idea’ (p. 368) and the notion that ‘the subject is ... a presupposition of [the world’s] existence’ (NB 79: 2.8.16) and the attendant idea that the metaphysical subject ‘cannot be encountered in experience’ but ‘must be identified with its experiences’ (p. 369). Wittgenstein came to identify both solipsism and idealism as errors, on the basis of early thinking for the private language argument. It seems the case that Schopenhauer did influence the early Wittgenstein’s thinking on suicide but this thought did not remain with him. Schroeder (2012, p. 380) writes:

As a young man, in times of crisis, trying to formulate his ethics and attitude towards life, he remembered and adopted various thoughts from Schopenhauer, some of which he tacked on to his logical-philosophical treatise; but they have very little to do with his philosophical achievements. His real debt to Schopenhauer lies elsewhere. For one thing, the young Wittgenstein was persuaded by Schopenhauer’s idealism (minus its transcendental side), and that proved extremely fruitful for his own thinking all through his life.

In ‘Wittgenstein, Schopenhauer and the metaphysics of suicide’ Modesto Gomez (2018) suggests,

the problems that Wittgenstein raised and the views that he emphatically endorsed are in keeping with his overarching transcendental conception of the metaphysical I, the fundamental character of ethics (NB, p. 79), the meaning of life, and the I as “the bearer of ethics” (NB, p. 80), as it is extensively advanced in the Notebooks 1914-1916 and tersely expressed in the Tractatus. Far from demanding further development, what Wittgenstein’s views on suicide would require is an appropriate background. Such considerations naturally stemmed from the core of the metaphysical picture that permeates Wittgenstein’s early writings. This picture is, in its essentials, Schopenhauer’s metaphysics of the Will (p. 299).

I think this is correct and there is no doubt that Schopenhauer was decisive in Wittgenstein’s early view of suicide but, at the same time, this ought not to detract from the biographical and autobiographical in explaining Wittgenstein ethics of suicide. Here, it is difficult to deny that Wittgenstein’s own experiences did not have an effect on his existential philosophy.

Notes

Schopenhauer writes that suicide is accounted a crime in England which is “followed by an ignominious burial and the seizure of the man’s property” and most often occasions a verdict of insanity.

http://www.openculture.com/2013/03/iwittgensteini_watch_derek_jarmans_tribute_to_the_philosopher_featuring_tilda_swinton_1993.html

https://ethicsofsuicide.lib.utah.edu/

http://www.wittgensteinchronology.com/6.html

References

Achinger, C. (2013). Allegories of destruction: “Woman” and “the Jew” in Otto Weininger’s sex and character. The Germanic Review, 88(2),121–149. 2013

Camus, A. (1942). The myth of Sisyphus (O’Brien, Justin, Trans.). London: Penguin Group. (First published by Gallimard)

Engelmann, Paul (1974) Letters From Ludwig Wittgenstein. With A Memoir. New York, Horizon.

Gilman, Sander (1986) Jewish Self-Hatred: Anti-Semitism and the Hidden Language of the Jews. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins UP

Jacquette, D. (2000). Schopenhauer on the ethics of suicide. Continental Philosophy Review, 33(1),43–58.

Janik, Alan (2013) On the Origins of Jewish Self-Hatred by Paul Reitter (review) HYPERLINK "https://muse.jhu.edu/journal/181" Shofar: An Interdisciplinary Journal of Jewish Studies, HYPERLINK "https://muse.jhu.edu/issue/29179" Volume 32, Number 1, Fall 2013, pp. 142-145.

Jamison, K. R. (2000). Night falls fast: Understanding suicide. New York: Vintage.

Le Rider, J. (1990). ‘Between modernism and postmodernism: The Viennese identity crisis’ (R. Manheim, trans.). In E. Timms & R. Robertson (eds.) Vienna 1900: from Altenberg to Wittgenstein, Edinburgh: Edinburgh University Press. Le Rider, J. (1993). Modernity and the crises of identity: Culture and society in Fin-de-Si ecle Vienna (R. Morris, trans.).  Cambridge: Polity Press.

Le Rider, J. (2013). Otto Weininger: A Misogynist, anti-Semite, and Self-loather as Wagnerite. Wagnerspectrum, 9 (1),2013, 89–93.

McGuinness, B. (1988). Wittgenstein: A life. Young Ludwig (1889–1921). Los Angeles: University of California Press.

Modesto Gomez, A. (2018). Wittgenstein, Schopenhauer and the metaphysics of suicide. Rev. Filos., Aurora, Curitiba, 30(49), 299–321.

Monk, R. (1990). Ludwig Wittgenstein: The duty of genius. London: Jonathan Cape.

Monk, R. (2018). Bartley’s Wittgenstein and the coded remarks. In: Flowers, F. A., III (ed. and preface); Ground, Ian (ed. and preface); Portraits of Wittgenstein (pp.129–134). London; Bloomsbury Academic; 2018. (xiii, 489 pp.)

Niekerk, C. (2013). Reading Mahler: German culture and Jewish identity in Fin-de-Siecle Vienna. (Studies in German literature, linguistics and culture) Rochester, NY: Camden House.

Peters, M A. (2017). Les proc es et l’enseignement de Wittgenstein, et la « figure de l’enfant » romantique chez Cavell. A contrario, 25(2), 13-37. https://www.cairn.info/revue-a-contrario-2017-2-page-13.htm.

Preston, John (2018) How Ludwig Wittgenstein’s secret boyfriend helped deliver the philosopher’s seminal work, https://theconversation.com/how-ludwig-wittgensteins-secret-boyfriend-helped-deliver-the-philosophers- seminal-work-96557

Reitter, P. (2009). The Jewish self-hatred octopus. The German Quarterly, 82(3),356–372. 82.3 (Summer)

Schroeder, S. (2012). Schopenhauer’s influence on Wittgenstein, pp.367–384. In Ed. Bart Vandenabeele, A Companion to Schopenhauer, Oxford, Blackwell.

Shapira, E. (2006). Modernism and Jewish identity in early twentieth-century Vienna: Fritz Waerndorfer and his house for an art lover. Studies in the Decorative Arts, 13(2), 52–92. Vol. No. SPRING-SUMMER (2006).

Stern, D. (2001). Was Wittgenstein a Jew? In J. Klagge (Ed.), Wittgenstein: Biography and philosophy. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Stern, David and Szabados, Bela, (eds.) (2004). Wittgenstein reads Weininger, Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 206pp., $24.99 (pbk), ISBN 0521532604

Szabados, B. (1992). Autobiography after Wittgenstein. The Journal of Aesthetics and Art Criticism, 50(1), 1–12.

Szabados, B. (1995). Autobiography and philosophy: Variations on a theme of Wittgenstein. Metaphilosophy, 26(1/2), 63–80.

Szabados, B. (1997). Wittgenstein’s women: The philosophical significance of Wittgenstein’s misogyny. Journal of Philosophical Research, 22, 483–508.

Szabados, B. (1999). Was Wittgenstein an anti-Semite? The significance of AntiSemitism for Wittgenstein’s philosophy. Canadian Journal of Philosophy, 29(1), 1–28.

Weininger (1903/2005) Sex and Character. An Investigation of Fundamental Principles Otto Weininger, edited by Daniel Steuer and Laura Marcus, translated by Ladislaus Lob, Bloomington, Indiana University Press.

Waugh, Alexander (2010) The House of Wittgenstein: A Family at War. New York, Anchor.

Wittgenstein, L. (1980). Culture and value, edited by G. H. von Wright in collaboration with H. Nyman , trans. P. Winch, Oxford, Basil Blackwell.

Wittgenstein, L. (1980/1998). Culture and value. First published as Vennischte Bemerkungen, German text only, G. H. von Wright & Heikki Nyman (ed.). Frankfurt: Suhrkamp, 1977: Amended 2nd ed., traps. P. Winch. Oxford: Basil Blackwell, 1980; rev. 2nd ed., German text only, edited by G. H. von Wright and Heikki Nyman, with revisions by Alois Pichler. Frankfurt: Suhrkamp, 1994, rev. 2nd ed., new traps. P. Winch. Oxford: Basil Blackwell, 1998. (References will give the pagination for the 1980 and 1998 editions of the book; translations are taken from the 1998 edition.)

Wittgenstein, L. (1997). Denkbewegungen: Tagebiicher 1930–1932 1936–1937 (MS 183) ed. Use Somavilla. Innsbruck, Austria: Haymon Verlag.

[basicsofislam]

THE FEMALE COMPANIONS OF THE PROPHET (PBUH): Part 15

SAFIYYA BINT ABDULMUTTALIB (radhiallahu anha)

During the Era of Bliss, there were some women who did not drop the torch of Islam from their hands, who struggled to sacrifice their lives so that Islam would conquer hearts and who did not fall behind their husbands and sons. One of those Companions who would live in hearts as long as the world existed was Hz. Safiyya, the paternal aunt of the Prophet.

Hz. Safiyya took care of her nephew, the Prophet, with the compassion of a mother, when she was very young and did not hesitate to make sacrifices so as not to make him feel that he was motherless.

She loved her nephew very much. She guessed that she would have a high rank among people in the future and looked forward to seeing those days.

Years passed and her beloved nephew was given the duty of prophethood.

He called people to Islam. Hz. Safiyya did not hesitate to believe; she became one of the first Muslims. After that, she increased her material and spiritual support for him. She worked very hard to spread Islam.

However, it is irony of fate that her brother, Abu Lahab, was one of the leaders of the enemies of her beloved nephew.

Abu Lahab took pleasure in torturing and agonizing the Muslims, primarily the Prophet. Hz. Safiyya was very sorry for this unfair treatment of her brother; she could not bear it.

Once, she heard that Abu Lahab hurt the Messenger of Allah. She went to Abu Lahab and warned him harshly:

“Does it fit you to leave your nephew and his religion helpless? The scholars of the People of the Book say that a prophet will come from the descendants of Abdulmuttalib. That prophet is our nephew Muhammad.”

However, Abu Lahab did not have the eyes that could see what was right and true. His heart was occupied by fury and hatred. He answered the warning of her sister with the following sentence reflecting the state of women in the Era of Ignorance:

“The words of women are a hindrance for men.”

Realizing that it was impossible to persuade Abu Lahab, Hz. Safiyya left his house sadly.

Hz. Safiyya could not persuade her brother to help the Messenger of Allah but she did her best to bring up her son Zubayr as a mujahid for the Messenger of Allah. She was a disciplined mother. She sometimes beat her son slightly. When she was asked why she beat him, she said,

“I am beating him to train him because he will command armies in the future.”

Indeed, Hz. Zubayr, who was brought up and trained by his mother, became a heroic mujahid. The Prophet praised him by saying,

“Every prophet has a disciple and assistant. My assistant is Zubayr.”

He also gave the glad tiding that Zubayr was a person of Paradise.

Thus, Hz. Safiyya was honored to be the mother of one of the 10 Companions who were given the glad tiding while they were alive that they would be in Paradise.

When the Prophet migrated from Makkah to Madinah, his beloved aunt did not leave him alone.

She migrated to Madinah with her son Zubayr. Thus, she also had the privilege of migrating in the way of Allah.

Hz. Safiyya did not hesitate to risk her life for the sake of Allah and His messenger.

She became the first Muslim woman to kill an unbeliever in the history of Islam. The incident took place during the Battle of Uhud.

When the Prophet left for the Battle of Uhud, he placed the women, girls, and boys in the house of Hz. Hassan. The Prophet did not take Hz. Hassan to Uhud because he was too old and ill; so, he stayed at home.

While the mujahids were fighting at Uhud with their swords, a Jewish man wanted to make use of this situation and approached the house that was full of women and children slyly. His aim was to martyr defenseless people and to become a hero. Hz. Safiyya narrates the incident as follows:

“We had no contact with the Messenger of Allah. Besides, the Messenger of Allah and the Companions were not in a position to come to help us. When I saw that a Jew was walking around the house, I went over to Hassan and told him about the situation. I asked him to kill the Jew. Hz. Hassan was both old and ill. He said, ‘O daughter of Abdulmuttalib! May Allah be pleased with you! You know that I am not strong enough to do it.’ Then, it was my duty to do it. I did not have a weapon. I took a big piece of wood. I went out slowly. I hit the man with the wood on his back. He fell down. Then, I hit him until he died.”

After preventing such a big danger, Hz. Safiyya went up to a high place and started to watch the battlefield. She felt worried. She was scared that the ferocious Muslims would harm her beloved nephew. Meanwhile, the news that “the Muslims were defeated” came as a shock. Hz. Safiyya could not wait any longer. She went to Uhud with some women. She asked the first mujahid she saw about the health of the Messenger of Allah. She found out that the Messenger of Allah was alive but that her brother Hamza was martyred. She wanted to see the dead body of Hz. Hamza. When the Prophet (pbuh) saw that she was coming, he told her son Zubayr, “Tell your mother to go back. She should not see the dead body of her brother.” Hz. Zubayr met her mother and asked her to go back. He said the Messenger of Allah wanted her to do so. However, Hz. Safiyya wanted to see the dead body of her brother. She said to her son showing reliance on Allah and patience,

“If you want me to go back lest I should see what was done to my brother, I know that my brother was mutilated. My brother was killed and mutilated in the way of Allah. Is there a greater rank than this? We are ready to suffer more in the way of Allah. I am determined to show patience. I hope to get the reward of it only from Allah.”

Hz. Zubayr was astonished when he saw the resoluteness of his mother, whom he had feared that would faint when she saw the death of her brother. He thanked Allah Almighty for being the son of such a mother. Then, he went to the Messenger of Allah and told him what his mother had said. The Prophet believed that his paternal aunt was sincere. He said, “Then, let her see him.” Then, he put his hand on her chest and prayed for her.

Hz. Safiyya then went to the dead body of Hamza. His body was in pieces. Some of the organs were cut off. Hz. Safiyya was quite calm at this terrifying sight. She did not have any signs of the complaint. Besides, it was impossible for a person like that to oppose qadar. After all, it would be of no use. Then, the only thing she could do was to pray to Allah to elevate his rank. He prayed as follows:

“O, Allah! We are all Your slaves and will return to You. Forgive my brother’s mistakes if he had any!”

This patience and resoluteness of hers rejoiced the Prophet very much. He gave her the following glad tiding, which would strengthen her patience:

“Jibril came to me. He told me that Hamza was written as ‘Hamza is the lion of Allah and His Messenger’ at the abode of angels.”

This news was really pleasing. She wiped her tears with her hand and left.

Hz. Safiyya took care of the Prophet with the compassion of a mother until he died.

She did her best so as not to make him feel that he was motherless. However, it was time for the Messenger of Allah to leave this ephemeral world and to rejoin his Lord. Hz. Safiyya was standing next to the Prophet and crying. The Prophet warned her and her beloved daughter as follows:

“O Fatima bint Muhammad! O Safiyya, the paternal aunt of the Messenger of Allah! Do good deeds that will be accepted by Allah. Do not depend on me because I cannot save you from Allah’s punishment.”

A little while after these words, the Prophet passed away.

Along with her resoluteness and heroism, Hz. Safiyya was also known for her poetry. After the death of the Messenger of Allah, she wrote the following poem:

“O Messenger of Allah! You became our source of hope,/ You did us favors; you did not agonize us./ You protected, guided and taught us,/ Anyone can cry for you today./ O Messenger of Allah! May my mother, maternal aunt, paternal uncle, my maternal uncle and my own self be sacrificed for you!/ If the Lord of people had allowed the Prophet to live with us more,/ we would have been happy but the order of Allah is valid./ Peace and greetings from Allah be upon you./ May Allah be pleased with you and put you in the gardens of Adn (Eden)!”

Hz. Safiyya, who lived 10 years more after the death of the Prophet, died during the caliphate of Hz. Umar in the 20th year of the Migration. She was buried in the Cemetery of Baqi in Madinah.

May Allah be pleased with her! (Tabaqat, 3: 101-103; 8: 41; Usdu'l-Ghaba, 5: 493.)

[rabbirose]

Parshat Shemot 5780 - Attunement (Podcast Transcript)

What made Moses Moses?  What is about him that led God to choose him to lead the Jewish people out of Egypt?

Some say courage.  After all, he had to confront the mighty Pharaoh. Others say faithfulness.  The task required a person who was somehow sure that this seemingly impossible undertaking would succeed. Others point to his triple identity - Israelite, Egyptian, Midianite - which granted him the outsider perspective central to questioning status quo.

All of these are true of Moses and help to explain his leadership.  But when we read very closely at key moments in the life of Moses we see that there was something else. 

We are going to look at two moments in Moses’ biography. The first, when he witnesses the suffering of the Israelites and the second is the burning bush. ]

After Moses is saved from the water - and Pharaoh’s death sentence - by Pharaoh’s daughter, Miriam takes her newborn brother to be weaned by his mother.  Some time passes, and then:

וַיִגְדַּ֣ל הַיֶּ֗לֶד וַתְּבִאֵ֙הוּ֙ לְבַת־פַּרְעֹ֔ה וַֽיְהִי־לָ֖הּ לְבֵ֑ן וַתִּקְרָ֤א שְׁמוֹ֙ מֹשֶׁ֔ה וַתֹּ֕אמֶר כִּ֥י מִן־הַמַּ֖יִם מְשִׁיתִֽהוּ׃

The child grew up and she brought him to Pharaoh’s daughter, who made him her son. She named him Moses, explaining, “I drew him out of the water.”

וַיְהִ֣י ׀ בַּיָּמִ֣ים הָהֵ֗ם וַיִּגְדַּ֤ל מֹשֶׁה֙ וַיֵּצֵ֣א אֶל־אֶחָ֔יו וַיַּ֖רְא בְּסִבְלֹתָ֑ם וַיַּרְא֙ אִ֣ישׁ מִצְרִ֔י מַכֶּ֥ה אִישׁ־עִבְרִ֖י מֵאֶחָֽיו׃

Some time after that, Moses grew up and he went out to his kinsfolk and witnessed their labors. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his kinsmen.

You might have noticed that we are told twice that he grew up - וַיִּגְדַּ֤ל - in these consecutive verses.  

Several commentators explain the repetition.  Rashi, for example, says that the first refers to physical growth and the second to his becoming elevated to a position of great importance in Pharaoh’s palace.   

Nachmanides, the great Torah commentator and Kabbalist, goes in a different direction.  He agrees with Rashi that the first vayigdal refers to the physical.  Then he says.

ואז הביא��הו לבת פרעה ויהי לה לבן כי לפני מלכים יתיצב, ואחרי כן גדל ויהי לאיש דעת:

Then his sister brought him to the daughter of Pharaoh, and he became her son because he was to stand before the king’ [see Proverbs 22:29]. After this, he grew to be an ish da’at, a man of understanding. 

What is a “man of understanding”?  The phrase, ish da’at, is used once in Tanakh, in the book Proverbs.  The commentators suggest there that it refers to a very deep level of reflection and spiritual contemplation.  No matter the precise meaning of the words, Ramban tells us that Moses was attuned to the world around him.  Why this matters to Ramban becomes clear when we read the rest of the verse, which continues:.

 וַיֵּצֵ֣א אֶל־אֶחָ֔יו וַיַּ֖רְא בְּסִבְלֹתָ֑ם וַיַּרְא֙ אִ֣ישׁ מִצְרִ֔י מַכֶּ֥ה אִישׁ־עִבְרִ֖י מֵאֶחָֽיו

He went out to his brothers and he saw their burdens. He saw an Egyptian man hitting a Hebrew man, one of his brothers. 

Another verbal repetition draws our attention: וַיַּ֖רְא בְּסִבְלֹתָ֑ם וַיַּרְא֙ אִ֣ישׁ   He saw their burdens and he saw an Egyptian. The Torah wants us to notice Moses notice.  Rashi emphasizes:  נָתַן עֵינָיו וְלִבּוֹ לִהְיוֹת מֵצֵר עֲלֵיהֶם.  “He focused his eyes and his heart to be distressed over [the Israelites].”  Both Rashi and Ramban amplify subtle clues in the text that help us understand what made Moses Moses.  All of Egypt knows what is happening to the Israelites and the moral crimes that are being committed. They are all implicated.  But only one of them, Moses, is committed to beecoming attuned to it all, to seeing past the assumptions of the society and the noise of daily life. Only he pays attention.

The second moment from Moses’ life that I’d like to examine is perhaps the most famous scene about awareness, the burning bush.  

The story picks up after Moses has fled Egypt to the neighboring nation Midian and married the daughter of the Midianite Priest.  The one time Prince of Egypt is now a shepherd. Here are the four verses that comprise the first part of the story:

וּמֹשֶׁ֗ה הָיָ֥ה רֹעֶ֛ה אֶת־צֹ֛אן יִתְר֥וֹ חֹתְנ֖וֹ כֹּהֵ֣ן מִדְיָ֑ן וַיִּנְהַ֤ג אֶת־הַצֹּאן֙ אַחַ֣ר הַמִּדְבָּ֔ר וַיָּבֹ֛א אֶל־הַ֥ר הָאֱלֹהִ֖ים חֹרֵֽבָה׃

Moses was tending the flock of his father-in-law Jethro, the priest of Midian, and drove the flock far into the  wilderness and came to Horeb, the mountain of God.

וַ֠יֵּרָא מַלְאַ֨ךְ יְהֹוָ֥ה אֵלָ֛יו בְּלַבַּת־אֵ֖שׁ מִתּ֣וֹךְ הַסְּנֶ֑ה וַיַּ֗רְא וְהִנֵּ֤ה הַסְּנֶה֙ בֹּעֵ֣ר בָּאֵ֔שׁ וְהַסְּנֶ֖ה אֵינֶ֥נּוּ אֻכָּֽל׃

An angel of the LORD appeared to him in a blazing fire out of a bush. He gazed, and there was a bush all aflame, yet the bush was not consumed.

וַיֹּ֣אמֶר מֹשֶׁ֔ה אָסֻֽרָה־נָּ֣א וְאֶרְאֶ֔ה אֶת־הַמַּרְאֶ֥ה הַגָּדֹ֖ל הַזֶּ֑ה מַדּ֖וּעַ לֹא־יִבְעַ֥ר הַסְּנֶֽה׃

Moses said, “I must turn aside to look at this marvelous sight; why doesn’t the bush burn up?”

וַיַּ֥רְא יְהוָ֖ה כִּ֣י סָ֣ר לִרְא֑וֹת וַיִּקְרָא֩ אֵלָ֨יו אֱלֹהִ֜ים מִתּ֣וֹךְ הַסְּנֶ֗ה וַיֹּ֛אמֶר מֹשֶׁ֥ה מֹשֶׁ֖ה וַיֹּ֥אמֶר הִנֵּֽנִי׃

When the LORD saw that he had turned aside to look, God called to him out of the bush: “Moses! Moses!” He answered, “Here I am.”

Midrash Rabbah, part of what we call the Oral Torah, focuses on Moses’ attentiveness and offers two opposite readings of this scene.  

שֶׁהָיָה הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא מְדַבֵּר עִם משֶׁה וְלֹא הָיָה מְבַקֵּשׁ לִבָּטֵל מִמְּלַאכְתוֹ

The Holy One was speaking with Moses and Moses did not desist from his work.  

הֶרְאָה לוֹ אוֹתוֹ דָּבָר כְּדֵי שֶׁיַּהֲפֹךְ פָּנָיו וְיִרְאֶה וִידַבֵּר עִמּוֹ, שֶׁכָּךְ אַתָּה מוֹצֵא מִתְּחִלָּה וַיֵּרָא מַלְאַךְ ה' אֵלָיו, וְלֹא הָלַךְ משֶׁה, וְכֵיוָן שֶׁבָּטַל מִמְּלַאכְתוֹ וְהָלַךְ לִרְאוֹת, מִיָּד (שמות ג, ד): וַיִּקְרָא אֵלָיו אֱלֹהִים.

He showed him this [burning bush] so that he would turn his face and look and speak with him.  This is why we find at the beginning of the verse An angel of HaShem appeared to him.  But we see that  Moses did not go [to look].  When he desisted from his work and went to see, immediately: God appeared to him. 

We can’t linger too long on this Midrash, but I want to point out something profound that is easy to miss.  It is before the miracle of the burning bush that God expects Moses’ attention.  That is, Moses could have attuned to God’s presence in the ordinary world but he was simply caught up in his labor.  It seems that the midrash is suggesting that it is not the combination of the flame and the voice of God that constitute the miracle. Rather the flame was a miraculous device merely to get the attention of Moses so he would hear a voice that had been ready, so to speak, all along.  When Moses turns and notices, God is revealed.

A very different teaching appears in the same section of the Midrash.  There it says that Moses noticed immediately and took five steps toward the bush.  When God observes Moses’ attentiveness, God immedately speaks with him. 

While these two midrashim are conflicted about whether Moses was at first sufficiently attuned to be engaged by God, the larger message is one that should grab us.  Redemption depends on attunement.  

 The Netziv, from the 18th century, expands on this.

אחר המדבר. במדבר מיבעי אלא המשמעות שהיה משתדל להנהיג במקום שהוא יותר מדבר. ונמשך אחר מקום מדבר. והוא כדי שיוכל לההבודד ולחקור אחר אלקות וכדומה. ומשום זה

We would have expected it to say in the wilderness.  The teaching is that he made an effort to drive the flocks to a place that was more desolate, and was drawn further and further into the wilderness. This was in order that be could isolate himself and reflect on God’s divinity.  

The Netziv sees Moses as engaged in a kind of meditation.  This may surprise some modern learners but contemplation and deep mental/spiritual focus are absolutely part of the Jewish tradition.  I don’t know that we can understand Moses throughout the rest of the Torah without accepting this.  Whether we want to follow the Netziv and say that the phrase ahar ha-midbar means Moses was engaged in contemplation, I don’t know. But it is clear from the Torah itself that Moses’ willingness to see and to pay attention by turning aside is at the root of the revelatory experiences that open the door to his engagement with God and his subsequent leadership of Israel. 

I want to be emphatic in saying that what the Torah and these commentators are saying is not akin to contemporary discussions of mindfulness and meditation.  Offer those practices as they are presented in a modern context are presented as tools for health and improvement of self.  As such they are very important and useful.  But in the Torah, Moses’ attunement is precisely what allows him to escape the self and to discover his purpose.   Attunement leads to revelation of a reality beyond what we see with our eyes. This attunement leads to our hearts opening. Our hearts opening leads us to notice the lives of others.  And noticing others leads us to acts of courage and goodness.  Where does Moses’ deep focus lead after this scene?  He stops runnig away from his intuition that there is terrible pain in the world.  He walks directly into the furnace of suffering that he witnessed when he first became a “man of understanding” so he can aid others, and thereby be a servant of God.

In this age of distraction we have to understand that all of the flashing elecrtonics or just the ordinary business of our lives, all the apps, conveniences, consumer goods, all the noise - these are not simply compromising our personal happiness.  They keep us inside of ourselves, and therefore away of the deep truth of our lives, away from God, and therefore away from our repsonsibility.  God needs us to pay attention.

Have a shabbat shalom. Thank you for listening.

[johnny-writes]

Long bio: Rebecca was born to a family of three persons. His father is a financial market operator, her mother has a business degree and have exerted the profession, as a manager.

Please note this is her “standard verse”, which I’ll be using in my original novel. Due to not having the results I wanted when I made verses, I don’t do verses for my OCs, I prefer to consider them more like “actors”, fitting in a setting. Any backstory in said settings will be a derivative of their “standard verse” backstory.

Rebecca was born into a family that many people would consider odd. His father was a financial operator born in Syria, to a Druze family – tempestuous, impulsive, loving risks more than anything, a perfect man for the financial market; her mother was a business graduate from a Jewish family in New York, while herself was known for betting on safe investments and actually making them profitable.

At first, they were like salt and pepper, a controversial salt and pepper – there was no way they could have worked, but they did and they lived in a marriage that was more of an exchange: Mark saw in Ruth a challenge and Ruth saw in Mark a chance for financial safety (being raised in a conservative environment, she preferred to be a housewife and only went to college to get married, to which she failed).

The marriage with an Arab more or less alienated her from her religious community, but not from her business community – on the contrary, everyone there “shipped” them. So they decided to have a kid.

Young Rebecca was born and was spoiled until she was seven. Until that age, she never had anything lacking; this made her build a confident persona, with her father encouraging her adventurous spirit; she hurt herself a lot in the parks (injuries like scrapping the knees and brushing poisonous ivy), much to her mother’s despair. Surely, her parents debated a lot on the best way to raise her.

The first bad thing that happened in her life was when they had to live under their means. Mark made some really bad financial decisions and they had to live like poor people for a year. They still kept their appearances, living in their affluent house, but they had to make more visits to the dollar stores than they’d like. Mark got into lots of debt to pay for bills, while waiting until he could reestablish his money and fights with Ruth were constant. Rebecca, on the other hand, didn’t let this bother her – in fact, after the bad times were gone, she was even more confident, because she believed that, as long as they stayed together.

But, things changed after that. Thinking that Ruth couldn’t give her the achievements he wanted, so he started an affair. They were on a trip to Seattle, and the scandal blew up right in front of little Rebecca. Every single night, when they returned, there was a discussion, and Rebecca felt powerless with everything. In the end, she started to think it was her fault, and she tried to do something about it, by walking into their fights, looking weak and helpless.

It worked, her parents stopped fighting in front of her. But it wasn’t enough to avoid their divorce. Still, Rebecca unconsciously adopted this persona, of looking as weak as possible so she could make people stop fighting. She moved with her mother to Seattle, a place far away from New York, to start anew in a travelling agency. Her pride didn’t allow her to accept Mark’s alimony and for five years, she prohibited contact with him.

These years were bad for Rebecca. She just shrunk and her mother enabled this to her, so she could set her up in ways that would make her growth to be just like her, always betting on safe strategies. For that reason, she rarely took extracurricular activities, rarely left her house, only stayed there, doing things like watching TV or reading (she definitely preferred to watch TV than reading, she looks like a bookworm, but she isn’t).

From the period 11-14 years, it was a phase that she simply got…quiet. Not fully muted, but quiet. She talked only when necessary, but could spend days without saying a word if nobody talked to her. Her mother never saw any problem with it, and actually encouraged it, because she looked less and less like her father.

After five years under this, Rebecca had terrible people’s skills. Her mother’s desire to make her look less and less than her father turned her into a malnourished, excessively introverted, friendless, girl that was scared of everyone that wasn’t her mother. She suffered few attempts at bullying because her mother caught them and nipped them on the bud. She was overprotective and Rebecca became a pushover.

Meanwhile, her father returned to her life. He was married to the woman and had a kid with her – the kid was ok but the mother was on her last legs because of cancer. No money in the world could save her. They started to fight again and Rebecca again tried to look as less intimidating as possible.

Her father, seeing her in that state went ballistic, making her run away. He hated the fact she looked so meek and weak and they discussed even more; seeing her (subconscious) strategy failed, she just wanted to kill herself. It was a really bad discussion, but a few broken cups.

During the following weeks, her mutism only got worse, she just didn’t talk in the school anymore, not even to the teachers, while her father’s new wife died. It was a heavy time for everyone involved, her father’s boss had to threaten firing him if he didn’t take the time out, so he could go to Seattle to solve his issues, allowing Rebecca to finally meet her half-brother.

Meanwhile, Rebecca had a really rough depressive episode: while she was crossing the street, she saw a stolen car being chased by a police car. She looked at the car and she…just…stopped. In the middle of the street. She felt her life was going to end so she just accepted her life was going to end. It was a good for nothing life.

The car made a sharp turn at the last second, sparing Rebecca, even if it was a close call. The officer stopped the chase, in order to attend Rebecca. At first he was livid because she cost him a case, but his expression changed when he saw Rebecca’s dead eyes. He asked her about her parents and she refused to reply; he asked in sign language as well, but she also refused to reply; he asked again for his parents and this time she wrote him her home address. The policeman brought her to her house and warned her parents that if they didn’t do something, he’d call the CPS on them.

After he left, Rebecca’s parents had the hardest talk of their life. They agreed that they were kind of crappy parents and decided to work on her. They finally got her to the therapist. It took a while, but she slowly started to abandon her mutism, that evolved into a stutter. It was a progress anyway and her therapist recommended that she tried something more impersonal at first, like internet (and she insisted that they left her have her privacy while navigating through it).

Thus, she started her online adventures. Her parents told her that she could be wise and so Rebecca started to use the internet. At first, she started using forums and other sites, aimed at kids, so she could keep up with the stuff she liked. Forums were a good way for her to communicate, due to the non-immediate communication, it was good for her to give her time to organize her thoughts, so she ended up placing a lot of passion in her replies.

One of these forums was from a cartoon that she liked, about a group of futuristic robots stranded in a medieval fantasy setting. It wasn’t the most popular cartoon, but she liked it. She just loved making posts there, being supportive to all; she also hated drama. But one person called her attention most: a non-native poster. She liked to read his stuff, just as anyone else, and never was bothered by his spelling/grammar errors, unlike anyone else. She was known as the girl with a flower avatar.

One day, she returned home from a bad day at school. Another subpar presentation where her stuttering got her again. What could she do? She was anxious and sweating. She wanted to take a shower, but the building would be without water for the day, due to the need of fixing an issue. Thus, she spent time on the internet.

She ignored all the drama posts when she received a direct message from one of the most famous posters, the one that produced those essays in mangled language. She never had a problem with him, but he asked her for her help, in order to stop having people complaining about his English.

Things got complicated for her when he asked to use the copy-paste. All he asked to do was to copy and paste his latest essay thus she could proof-read it. A simple task, after all, everybody knew how to press Ctrl + C, Ctrl + V right?

Not Rebecca.

She never used the word processor to write down her posts, she just used the text box to write her posts. And whenever she had a school assignment to use the word processor, she just copied word by word, never bothering to use the shortcut (and because the teachers never explained anyway).

She didn't know how to copypaste. And when she asked what was that, he was shocked. Nevertheless, he explained, in an obvious way, but she still didn't get it. Since the day was terrible already, she just broke down and started to type a long message in caps lock, full of grammar errors. She called herself the worst student ever because she couldn't follow a simple instruction.

Expecting the worse, she braced herself to hear him berating her, for being useless and stupid. But it never came. Instead the boy in the other side told her that if she was the worst student ever, he was the worst teacher ever.

Out of all reactions, that wasn't what Rebecca expected. She never had seen someone as compassionate as him for no reason at all. Surely, her therapist was a lovely person but she was paid for it, and her parents only tried to be comprehensive after everything went downhill. But he, he was being kind to her with no reason at all.

The result was that the post-essay was published without revision and people complained and he didn't care. Rebecca still posted a lot, defending him claiming that grammar wasn't that important and, since she had a good reputation in the forum (of which she was actually unaware of), people stopped picking on him.

Rebecca continued exchanging messages with the user known as MrcsGrz. Soon, they learned that they had a lot in common, they loved the same shows, listened to the same songs and had similar opinions. The forum's activity started to wane, but whenever they decided to do new things, they did it together, be either joining a new MMPORG or a new social network.

He was someone that Rebecca could trust, he never berated her, he always tried to be the most comprehensive and kind possible. With that, she started to open to him, talking to him about her problems with her parents, her social awkwardness and even her near-death experience. In exchange, he opened to her about his issue with cults and how he felt he wasted a part of his life.

She didn't consider herself a good writer, but whenever she thought of her internet friend, she couldn't help but to smile. And, not only that, but she felt homework and exams were easier to go through when she thought of him; the idea of meeting him online after she did her chores encouraged her to do them with diligence.

In the meantime, she actually started making friends at school, who accepted her for what she was. They talked a lot of issues, like cartoons and school work, but when they talked about boys, Rebecca always said that she wasn't interested in talking like that. One day, one of her friends teased that she might be in love already, that's why none of the boys were interested in her (she didn't even go to the prom).

At first, she thought that to be preposterous. There was no way anyone could ever love her...not even her internet friend. The moment that thought intruded her mind, she felt her world being crushed. She excused her friends and actually went to the bathroom to cry. She felt so much despair when she thought that and went home devastated.

She didn't want to admit, but she was deeply and hopelessly in love with him. In love with someone whom she didn't know what he looked like, living thousands of miles away from her. In love with someone who belonged to a completely different culture and context. In love with someone she shouldn't be in love with.

She booted up the computer, waiting...just waiting for something to happen. Just waiting, at their personal private chat room for him to come. She felt so much fear, so much despair the moment he entered the room and started typing.

They exchanged the standard courtesies, until he typed that he wanted to tell her something important. Being pessimistic, she knew it was something bad. Her despair gave way to immeasurable surprised when he told her he was in love with him.

She got up from her chair and started to pace around, drank six cups of water and breathed heavily. He was in love with her and he told her first. It made no sense how happy and confused she was.

After ten minutes, she returned to the screen, telling him that she was also in love with him, in love with his patience and kindness, in love with everything that meant him.

And it felt light, like a weight being liberated from her chest. In the end, they felt the same for each other, and they understood that their love couldn't be consumated due to the distance between each other.

He offered to move close to her, but she refused and they started to consider the costs and they decided the most sensible thing to do was to continue being friends and look out for relationships.

But she knew nothing would compare to their relationship. During that day, she learned the name of her friend was Marcos. Just like him, she nurtured a deep feeling that they would meet one day and that, if circumstances were different, they'd be together.

And this wasn't ignored by certain entities...

[the-christian-walk]

HISTORY LESSON (PART 2)

Can I pray for you in any way?

Send any prayer requests to Gods4all@aol.com In Christ, Mark

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** Follow The Christian Walk on Twitter @ThChristianWalk

** Like posts and send friend requests to the author of The Christian Walk, Mark Cummings on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/mark.cummings.733?ref=tn_tnmn

** Become a Follower of The Christian Walk at http://the-christian-walk.blogspot.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The scriptures. May God bless the reading of His holy word.

“Because the patriarchs were jealous of Joseph, they sold him as a slave into Egypt. But God was with him and rescued him from all his troubles. He gave Joseph wisdom and enabled him to gain the goodwill of Pharaoh king of Egypt. So Pharaoh made him ruler over Egypt and all his palace.

“Then a famine struck all Egypt and Canaan, bringing great suffering, and our ancestors could not find food. When Jacob heard that there was grain in Egypt, he sent our forefathers on their first visit. On their second visit, Joseph told his brothers who he was, and Pharaoh learned about Joseph’s family. After this, Joseph sent for his father Jacob and his whole family, seventy-five in all. Then Jacob went down to Egypt, where he and our ancestors died. Their bodies were brought back to Shechem and placed in the tomb that Abraham had bought from the sons of Hamor at Shechem for a certain sum of money.

Acts 7:9-16

This ends today’s reading from God's holy word. Thanks be to God.

The false accusations were meant to put Stephen on the spot. The conjurers of these lies painted Stephen as an enemy of the Jewish people, never ceasing to speak against the hallowed, sacred ground of Israel and the law had given through Moses to govern it. They sought to stir up fear in the hearts of the Sanhedrin by associating Stephen with Jesus, asserting that the Christian servant had said Jesus would destroy Israel and abolish the customs handed down from Moses.

In other words, Stephen was a threat, a threat that needed to be eliminated just as the Man he follows was.

It was a moment of truth as all eyes were on Stephen to hear what he had to say. But the chief priest spoke first and simply asked Stephen,

“Are these charges true?”

Yesterday, we saw in the first message in this series how Stephen didn’t exactly answer the question he was asked. Rather, he commanded everyone to listen as he began providing a history lesson to the Sanhedrin and all others gathered, a history lesson that we are looking at in this series.

Up first was Abraham but we saw where Stephen made it clear that it was God who was in charge, not Abraham. It was God who called Abraham to leave his country and people behind, traveling to where God wanted him to go. God would go onto tell Abraham that the land he would go to would be the same land that the Israelites would be led to more than four hundred years later. Again, it would be God in charge, not the people.

But before that would happen, God would bless Abraham with a son named Isaac who would then in turn bear a son named Jacob. Then the Lord would again emerge on the scene to make sure that Jacob’s name was changed to Israel and his twelve sons would become the twelve patriarchs, each the progenitor of one of the twelve tribes of Israel. One of the sons would bear the name Joseph.

And this brings us to the second of Stephen’s history message as he commands the floor with the Sanhedrin and all present listening. In it, Peter reminds those present that Joseph had drawn the jealousy of his other eleven brothers. The scriptures tell us the resentment was over Joseph being favored by his father and so the brothers sold him into slavery in Egypt, attempting to eliminate him but not through bloodshed.

The irony of what was happening as Stephen shared this story shouldn’t be lost. Because it was now the Sanhedrin who were jealous of first Jesus and then His apostles for the success they were having in making disciples of many Jews who were once loyal to the cause of Judaism. And so they sought to eliminate their threats but unlike Joseph’s brothers, they were willing to kill in order to get their way.

In both of these instances of jealousy leading to sin, we find God in the midst of things, ensuring that His way and will were done.

The Sanhedrin believed that by sanctioning Jesus’ murder, they would cut off the head of the Christian movement. They believed wrong because they failed to realize that their actions were really part of God’s overall plan to bring salvation to all mankind and use His Son’s death and resurrection for a catalyst for the movement.

They then would stone Stephen to death after his history lesson and the stern rebuke that followed. Their intent was to drive the fear of persecution into the hearts of Christians so they would give up their faith and belief in Jesus but all the Sanhedrin accomplished was to cause the Gospel to scatter and disperse well beyond Jerusalem to Judea and Samaria before it grew further into the ends of the earth.

How did this tie to the story of Joseph so many hundreds of years before Jesus? Was there a connection?

The answer is yes and a very interesting one.

I say this because the eleven brothers who sold their brother into slavery thought they were getting rid of him for good but it was God’s plan to raise him up as their savior. In other words, their very survival would hinge on Joseph showing them mercy, grace, and forgiveness. But before that would happen, Joseph had to enter into a personal journey of his own.

First, we read where God granted Joseph the gifts of wisdom, which helped him eventually gain the favor of Pharaoh, the very king of Egypt. This favor led to Joseph being made a ruler in Egypt with oversight over Pharaoh’s palace affairs.

After this special appointment, the scriptures tells us that a great famine struck all of Egypt and Canaan, causing “great suffering” among all the people including Joseph’s father, his eleven brothers, and the rest of his family because no food could be found.

But God did not wish for His people to perish. He desired that Jacob and his sons be saved. And so, Jacob sends his sons (called the forefathers in Stephen’s history lesson) to Egypt after hearing there was grain there and the person they had to request the food from was none other than Joseph but none of his brothers knew it at first. In fact, we read where it wasn’t until their second visit to Egypt that Joseph reveals his identity and Pharaoh learned about Jacob and the others.

Happy to learn that his son was alive after believed dead, Jacob himself went to Egypt for what was an awesome, joyous family reunion with seventy-five people in attendance. And in Egypt they would remain until death, their bodies then returned to Canaan for burial in a tomb purchased by Abraham in Shechem.

The story of Joseph is one grounded in love, forgiveness, and redemption, all orchestrated by a caring God who shows He is in control, no matter how much others might try to sinfully believe they are.

In the Gospels and the Book of Acts, we are reminded that this caring God continued to be a God of love and forgiveness and redemption, willing to use His own Son as an instrument of salvation, no matter how much wickedness and evil tried to win the day.

Today, God is still the God of love, forgiveness, and redemption, not wishing for anyone to perish but rather to enjoy everlasting life with Him through placing their belief in the Son Jesus that He sent to save.

My prayer is that through Stephen’s second history lesson you have found you way to an eternal hope and victory through Jesus that never can be removed. Ever.

Tomorrow, we’ll look at the third part of this series and Moses. I hope you’ll join me then.

Amen.

In Christ,

Mark

PS: Feel free to leave a comment and please share this with anyone you feel might be blessed by it. Send any prayer requests to Gods4all@aol.com

[dfroza]

“Was it from heaven or from people? Answer me now.”

A question mark asked about a sign given to point someone to believe that is seen in Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament book of Mark:

[Chapter 11]

Now, as they were approaching Jerusalem, they arrived at the place of the stables near Bethany on the Mount of Olives. Jesus sent two of his disciples ahead and said to them, “As soon as you enter the village ahead, you will find a donkey’s colt tied there that has never been ridden. Untie it and bring it to me. And if anyone asks, ‘Why are you taking it?’ tell them, ‘The master needs it and will send it back to you soon.’ ”

So they went and found the colt outside in the street, tied to a gate. When they started to untie it, some people standing there said to them, “Why are you untying that colt?”

They answered just as Jesus had told them: “The master needs it, and he will send it back to you soon.” So the bystanders let them go.

The disciples brought the colt to Jesus and piled their cloaks and prayer shawls on the young donkey, and Jesus rode upon it. Many people carpeted the road in front of him with their cloaks and prayer shawls, while others gathered palm branches and spread them before him. Jesus rode in the center of the procession, with crowds going before him and behind him. They all shouted in celebration, “Bring the victory! We welcome the one coming with blessings sent from the Lord Yahweh! Blessings rest on this kingdom he ushers in—the kingdom of our father David! Bring us the victory in the highest realms of heaven!”

Jesus rode through the gates of Jerusalem and up to the temple. After looking around at everything, he left for Bethany with the Twelve to spend the night, for it was already late in the day.

The next day, as he left Bethany, Jesus was feeling hungry. He noticed a leafy fig tree in the distance, so he walked over to see if there was any fruit on it, but there was none—only leaves (for it wasn’t yet the season for bearing figs). Jesus spoke to the fig tree, saying, “No one will ever eat fruit from you again!” And the disciples overheard him.

When they came into Jerusalem, Jesus went directly into the temple area and overturned all the tables and benches of the merchants who were doing business there. One by one he drove them all out of the temple courts, and they scattered away, including the money changers and those selling doves. And he would not allow them to use the temple courts as a thoroughfare for carrying their merchandise and their furniture.

Then he began to teach the people, saying, “Does not the Scripture say, ‘My house will be a house of prayer for all the world to share’? But you have made it a hangout of thieves!”

When the chief priests and religious scholars heard this, they began to hatch a plot as to how they could eliminate Jesus. But they feared him and his influence, because the entire crowd was totally captivated by his teaching. So he and his disciples spent the nights outside the city.

In the morning, they passed by the fig tree that Jesus spoke to and it was completely withered from the roots up. Peter remembered and said to him, “Teacher, look! That’s the fig tree you cursed. It’s now all shriveled up and dead.”

Jesus replied, “Let the faith of God be in you! Listen to the truth I speak to you: Whoever says to this mountain with great faith and does not doubt, ‘Mountain, be lifted up and thrown into the midst of the sea,’ and believes that what he says will happen, it will be done. This is the reason I urge you to boldly believe for whatever you ask for in prayer—be convinced that you have received it and it will be yours. And whenever you stand praying, if you find that you carry something in your heart against another person, release him and forgive him so that your Father in heaven will also release you and forgive you of your faults. But if you will not release forgiveness, don’t expect your Father in heaven to release you from your misdeeds.”

They came again into Jerusalem, and while Jesus was walking in the temple courts, the Jewish rulers—the chief priest, certain religious scholars, and the elders—approached him. They came up to him and asked, “What right do you have to say and do these things? Who gave you the authority to do all this?”

Jesus replied, “I too have a question to ask you. If you can answer this question, then I will tell you by what power I do all these things. Where did John’s authority to immerse come from? Was it from heaven or from people? Answer me now.”

They stepped away and debated among themselves, saying, “How should we answer this? If we say, ‘from heaven,’ he will say to us, ‘Then why didn’t you respond to John and believe what he said?’ But if we say, ‘from the people,’ we fear the crowds, for they’re convinced that John was God’s prophet.”

So they finally answered, “We don’t know.”

“Then neither will I tell you where my power comes from to do these things,” Jesus replied.

The Book of Mark, Chapter 11 (The Passion Translation)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 3rd chapter of the book of Job where Job complains of his suffering:

[Job Cries Out]

What’s the Point of Life?

Then Job broke the silence. He spoke up and cursed his fate:

“Obliterate the day I was born.

Blank out the night I was conceived!

Let it be a black hole in space.

May God above forget it ever happened.

Erase it from the books!

May the day of my birth be buried in deep darkness,

shrouded by the fog,

swallowed by the night.

And the night of my conception—the devil take it!

Rip the date off the calendar,

delete it from the almanac.

Oh, turn that night into pure nothingness—

no sounds of pleasure from that night, ever!

May those who are good at cursing curse that day.

Unleash the sea beast, Leviathan, on it.

May its morning stars turn to black cinders,

waiting for a daylight that never comes,

never once seeing the first light of dawn.

And why? Because it released me from my mother’s womb

into a life with so much trouble.

“Why didn’t I die at birth,

my first breath out of the womb my last?

Why were there arms to rock me,

and breasts for me to drink from?

I could be resting in peace right now,

asleep forever, feeling no pain,

In the company of kings and statesmen

in their royal ruins,

Or with princes resplendent

in their gold and silver tombs.

Why wasn’t I stillborn and buried

with all the babies who never saw light,

Where the wicked no longer trouble anyone

and bone-weary people get a long-deserved rest?

Prisoners sleep undisturbed,

never again to wake up to the bark of the guards.

The small and the great are equals in that place,

and slaves are free from their masters.

“Why does God bother giving light to the miserable,

why bother keeping bitter people alive,

Those who want in the worst way to die, and can’t,

who can’t imagine anything better than death,

Who count the day of their death and burial

the happiest day of their life?

What’s the point of life when it doesn’t make sense,

when God blocks all the roads to meaning?

“Instead of bread I get groans for my supper,

then leave the table and vomit my anguish.

The worst of my fears has come true,

what I’ve dreaded most has happened.

My repose is shattered, my peace destroyed.

No rest for me, ever—death has invaded life.”

The Book of Job, Chapter 3 (The Message)

my personal reading of the Scriptures for Saturday, April 10 of 2021 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible, along with Today’s Psalms and Proverbs

A post by John Parsons about the “sufferings” of this life:

Sometimes suffering comes not from any lack of faith, but in the midst of faith, or even because of faith, since the LORD often uses affliction as the means of upbuilding the soul and developing spiritual resilience and maturity (Prov. 3:1-2). In light of God’s sovereign power over all things, and God’s great love for you, regard your suffering a blessing from your heavenly Father to help you grow (Job 5:17; Psalm 94:12; 119:71). Persevering in the midst of your struggle develops patience and humility, teaching you to know your own nothingness and to utterly rely upon the goodness and mercy of God. Over time, suffering strips away your illusions, so that nothing remains except the naked heart and the treasures of faith. Only then does the heart find its blessing in God alone.

People tend to believe whatever they want to believe until they are faced with reality, and therefore God orchestrates tests and challenges to awaken people from their illusions and to help them realize their need for deliverance. Such afflictions are sometimes called the "troubles of love" (יִסּוּרֵי אַהֲבָה). Thus we read in the Torah how the people groaned because of their slavery and then cried out to heaven for help: "And God heard their groaning; he remembered his covenant ... and God saw the people of Israel, and God knew" (Exod. 2:24-25). God knows our profound need for Him. Affliction teaches us that wishful thinking is unable to sustain the weight of reality, and only God Himself can truly save us...

I am amazed that pagans cling to the idea that their lives have real value despite their rejection of transcendent worth and beauty and goodness as revealed in the Jewish Scriptures. Their everyday assumptions are lifted from the Judeo-Christian tradition, yet their underlying logical and semantic foundation is quite simply an illusion…. I’d like to listen to them justify the reason for getting out of bed in the morning using just the language that is entailed by their metaphysical assumptions. If seriously questioned, especially in light of the traction of their own personal heartache and disappointments, it is doubtless that they, like Nietzsche, would find themselves going insane as they attempt to (re)define the most meaningful aspects of life....

Where it is written, “The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses” (Psalm 25:17), we understand that it is God who hems us in and limits us (the word “troubles” (צָרוֹת) derives from a root (צַר) that means to limit or constrict), for the purpose of “bringing us out" of our distresses, just as God brought our ancestors out of “Egypt” (i.e., from mitzrayim: -מ, "from," and צַר, "narrow places") so they could experience freedom and newness of life.. The first step of lasting deliverance (יְשׁוּעָה) is to believe the revelation: “I AM the Lord your God,” which begins the healing (Exod. 20:2). We are then set free from our bonds to surface appearances as we trust in God’s Presence, since we now understand everything in relationship with the sacred Ground and Source of all life (Acts 17:28).

Regarding the cry of the heart: "How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily" (Psalm 13:2), the sages remark that just as long as we take counsel in our own soul there will be despair, since only after we realize that no further counsel can help us do we give up and confess our need for God's salvation. Therefore deliverance comes as we trust in the LORD with all our heart, and do not rely on our own understanding (Prov. 3:5). [Hebrew for Christians]

4.9.21 • Facebook

Today’s message from the Institute for Creation Research

April 10, 2021

Privileged Suffering

“For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake.” (Philippians 1:29)

Paul wrote in the previous verses that we are to conduct ourselves as though our only citizenship was worthy of the gospel message that we proclaim, and that in doing so we should be committed to a mindset held together by the Holy Spirit. Then, he encouraged us not to be “terrified by your adversaries” (Philippians 1:28).

Such adversaries—from the devil himself (1 Peter 5:8) to business (Matthew 5:25) and family problems (Luke 12:13)—are part and parcel to those who would “live godly in Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 3:12). We should not be surprised when such challenges come; rather, we should be alarmed if all men “speak well of you” (Luke 6:26).

Curiously, Paul wrote that we are “gifted” (Greek verb charizomai, same idea as the related noun charis) with this privilege, in the interests of our Lord Jesus, to “suffer for his sake.” The apostles understood this paradox as they left the Sanhedrin in Jerusalem “rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for his name” (Acts 5:41).

Peter wrote that we should follow the example set for us by the Lord Jesus, “who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously” (1 Peter 2:23). In fact, we should “rejoice” when asked to share in the same kind of sufferings that our Lord endured, and whenever we are “reproached for the name of Christ” we should be happy, “for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you” (1 Peter 4:14).

Privileged suffering indeed! James wrote that we should “count it all joy” (James 1:2) when we are tested. Those times increase our faith and allow us to demonstrate our allegiance to Christ. HMM III

[seekfirstme]

The following reflection is courtesy of Don Schwager © 2020. Don's website is located at Dailyscripture.net

Meditation: If God is all-loving and compassionate, then why is there so much suffering and evil in this world? Many agnostics refuse to believe in God because of this seemingly imponderable problem. If God is love then evil and suffering must be eliminated in all its forms. What is God's answer to this human dilemma? Jesus' parable about a highway robbery gives us a helpful hint. Jesus told this dramatic story in response to a devout Jew who wanted to understand how to apply God's great commandment of love to his everyday life circumstances. In so many words this religious-minded Jew said: "I want to love God as best as I can and I want to love my neighbor as well. But how do I know that I am fulfilling my duty to love my neighbor as myself?"

Jesus must have smiled when he heard this man challenge him to explain one's duty towards their neighbor. For the Jewish believer the law of love was plain and simple: "treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself." The real issue for this believer was the correct definition of who is "my neighbor". He understood "neighbor" to mean one's fellow Jew who belonged to the same covenant which God made with the people of Israel. Up to a certain point, Jesus agreed with this sincere expert but, at the same time, he challenged him to see that God's view of neighbor went far beyond his narrow definition.

God's love and mercy extends to all

Jesus told a parable to show how wide God's love and mercy is towards every fellow human being. Jesus' story of a brutal highway robbery was all too familiar to his audience. The road from Jerusalem to Jericho went through a narrow winding valley surrounded by steep rocky cliffs. Many wealthy Jews from Jerusalem had winter homes in Jerico. This narrow highway was dangerous and notorious for its robbers who could easily ambush their victim and escape into the hills. No one in his right mind would think of traveling through this dangerous highway alone. It was far safer to travel with others for protection and defense.

Our prejudice gets in the way of mercy

So why did the religious leaders refuse to give any help when they saw a half-dead victim lying by the roadside? Didn't they recognize that this victim was their neighbor? And why did a Samaritan, an outsider who was despised by the Jews, treat this victim with special care at his own expense as he would care for his own family? Who was the real neighbor who showed brotherly compassion and mercy? Jesus makes the supposed villain, the despised Samaritan, the merciful one as an example for the status conscious Jews. Why didn't the priest and Levite stop to help? The priest probably didn't want to risk the possibility of ritual impurity. His piety got in the way of charity. The Levite approached close to the victim, but stopped short of actually helping him. Perhaps he feared that bandits were using a decoy to ambush him. The Levite put personal safety ahead of saving his neighbor.

God expects us to be merciful as he is merciful

What does Jesus' story tell us about true love for one's neighbor? First, we must be willing to help even if others brought trouble on themselves through their own fault or negligence. Second, our love and concern to help others in need must be practical. Good intentions and showing pity, or emphathizing with others, are not enough. And lastly, our love for others must be as wide and as inclusive as God's love. God excludes no one from his care and concern. God's love is unconditional. So we must be ready to do good to others for their sake, just as God is good to us.

Jesus not only taught God's way of love, he also showed how far God was willing to go to share in our suffering and to restore us to wholeness of life and happiness. Jesus overcame sin, suffering, and death through his victory on the cross. His death brought us freedom from slavery to sin and the promise of everlasting life with God. He willingly shared in our suffering to bring us to the source of true healing and freedom from sin and oppression. True compassion not only identifies and emphathises with the one who is in pain, but takes that pain on oneself in order to bring freedom and restoration.

The cross shows us God's perfect love and forgiveness

Jesus truly identified with our plight, and he took the burden of our sinful condition upon himself. He showed us the depths of God's love and compassion, by sharing in our suffering and by offering his life as an atoning sacrifice for our sins upon the cross. His suffering is redemptive because it brings us healing and restoration and the fulness of eternal life. God offers us true freedom from every form of oppression, sin, and suffering. And that way is through the cross of Jesus Christ. Are you ready to embrace the cross of Christ, to suffer for his sake, and to lay down your life out of love for your neighbor?

"Lord Jesus, may your love always be the foundation of my life. Free me from every fear and selfish-concern that I may freely give myself in loving service to others, even to the point of laying my life down for their sake."

The following reflection is from One Bread, One Body courtesy of Presentation Ministries © 2020.

WALK THE LINE

“A Samaritan who was journeying along came on him...” —Luke 10:33

In today’s first reading, St. Paul allows no compromise with the Gospel that he preached to the new Christians in Galatia. The pure, complete Gospel must be presented. No compromise is allowed; the gospel of Christ cannot be “watered down” in any way. Otherwise, that person deserves a curse; Paul even repeats it twice for emphasis (Gal 1:8-9). Yet, in today’s Gospel passage, Jesus presents two people who are pure doctrinally and one man who is not. The hero of Jesus’ parable is the one who is doctrinally impure, yet who acted with the heart of the gospel, and not the two who held to the proper doctrine, but did not act with the charity demanded by the gospel of Christ.

Reading today’s two passages together, the Church tells us that both our doctrine and our lifestyle are to be pure, completely in line with the gospel. We are to strive for purity of faith and charity of action. This is a difficult line to walk. Yet the Lord pours out the Holy Spirit so that we will have the abundance of grace needed to act in spirit, truth, and charity. Jesus sets a high standard, yet He lived it Himself and sent us the Holy Spirit so that we can “go and do the same” (Lk 10:37).

Study your faith, especially as presented in the Catechism of the Catholic Church and the Scriptures. Ask the Lord for the grace to be able to fully receive the Holy Spirit.

Prayer:  Father, help me to believe the gospel in truth. Overshadow me with the Holy Spirit so that I can pour out my life in Your charity. Open my eyes to see all those in my path who need Your loving help.

Promise:  “There is no other [gospel].” —Gal 1:7

Praise:  Blessed Francis Xavier was born in Germany. He preached in English and German throughout the Midwest and Mid-Atlantic states. He trained Redemptorist seminary students. President Lincoln honored his appeal to not draft his students into the Civil War.

Reference:  (This teaching was submitted by a member of our editorial team.)

Rescript:  "In accord with the Code of Canon Law, I hereby grant the Nihil Obstat for One Bread, One Body covering the period from October 1, 2020 through November 30, 2020. Most Reverend Joseph R. Binzer, Auxiliary Bishop, Vicar General, Archdiocese of Cincinnati, Cincinnati, Ohio February 25, 2020"

The Nihil Obstat ("Permission to Publish") is a declaration that a book or pamphlet is considered to be free of doctrinal or moral error. It is not implied that those who have granted the Nihil Obstat agree with the contents, opinions, or statements

[crikekenya]

GOD WILL NEVER FORGET

Hebrew 6:10

_God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them._

The writer of Hebrews was writing to some dear Jewish Christians who were suffering greatly for their faith in Jesus. Many of them were tempted to give up and go back to their old ways of the Jewish rituals and ceremonies. They were losing their perspective, and were feeling like the Christian faith was not worth all the troubles that they were suffering for it. They were losing ground and were not growing in their walk with Christ and neglecting their labour for God.

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ; God remembers our good labours in His name, and He will faithfully reward every one of them. Those good works will not fade away and disappear; but rather, they have eternal value and enduring purpose before our heavenly Father. And because this is true, we should be motivated to a renewed sense of diligence in our service to Him—knowing that nothing done in Jesus’ name will be forgotten or in vain.

One day I was reading a Christian online article and come across this inspiring story. Kindly read and reflect

_“A certain king would build a cathedral; and that the credit of it might be all his own, he forbade any from contributing to its erection in the least degree. A tablet was placed in the side of the building, and on it his name was carved as the builder. But that night he saw, in a dream, an angel, who came down and erased his name, and the name of a poor widow appeared in its stead. This was three times repeated, when the enraged king summoned the woman before him, and demanded, "What have you been doing, and why have you broken my commandment? " The trembling widow replied, "I loved the Lord, and longed to do something for His name and for the building up of His church. I was forbidden to touch it in any way; so, in my poverty, I brought a wisp of hay for the horses that drew the stones." And the king saw that he had laboured for his own glory, but the widow for the glory of God; and he commanded that her name should be inscribed upon the tablet”_

To do something in Jesus’ name means to do it in this world by the power of the Holy Spirit as His representative—out of love and devotion to Him, and for the advancement of His cause, and in such a way as He Himself would do it—with full trust in Him for the results.

Our God knows when such a thing is done—no matter what that thing is that was done. As Jesus Himself has even taught us, it may be as small a thing as giving a cup of cold water to a needy follower of His; and yet God sees that it was an act of love and rewards it. Matthew 10:40-42

“ _Anyone who welcomes you welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. Whoever welcomes a prophet as a prophet will receive a prophet’s reward, and whoever welcomes a righteous person as a righteous person will receive a righteous person’s reward. And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.”_

Not even a cup of cold water—given in His name—will be forgotten by Him. All will be remembered and rewarded by our God in the eternal destiny He has prepared for us. In Christ, then, our works do indeed endure and follow us!

Our lives have value and purpose and meaning above and beyond this world alone—given significance by Someone eternal; who is greater than and far above this created realm! And that ought to make a great difference in how we live our daily lives on this earth.

We should be living with a joyful sense of purpose and expectation in all that we do—especially in our service to Him. Colossians 3:17

“ _And whatever you do, in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him”_

God is watching everything you are doing for him. He is recording and will never forget. He will reward you. There are many ways he will reward us. God will reward us in this world and later in heaven. One thing is true; all we do is not in vain. We will not do things without results. Our labour in the Lord will produce results. It will never be fruitless. One day we shall have something to show for our labour in the LORD.

It is never in vain. God never forgets our labour of love. God is righteous. This is his nature. He cannot lie. He is not unjust. God is aware of the ministry you are doing for him in the church. He is aware of your kindness in supporting the needy. He is aware of the hours you spent teaching the His Word or preaching. He is aware of the sleepless nights you spend interceding. He is aware of your support toward church projects. He is aware of your commitment in offering effective leadership in church. He is aware of your ministry to the children, youth, men and women. He is aware of how you keep the church clean.

He is aware..........He is aware....... He is aware ....He is aware........

Brothers and Sisters He will never forget. He will remember and reward us. We should not get weary nor give up. Read 2 Chronicles 15:7

“ _But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.”_

Even in the midst of daily challenges (COVID-19) we can still be steadfast, immovable, abounding in the work of the Lord driven and motivated by our believe and faith that it is not in vain. God want us to keep on working for Him in our given tasks. It is possible for us to grow tired and sometimes give up in the work of the Lord. As the true church it is time to lean on God. God never disregard anything you do for him. Let’s remember what apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 15: 58

“ _Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labour is not in vain in the Lord”._

*Four* points to keep remembering as we continue labouring for God.

• Be steadfast: Firm / consistent / loyal in serving Christ

• Be Immovable: unshakable / with our weaknesses we are anchored on immovable rock of our salvation Jesus Christ.

• Bounding in the work of the Lord ( overflow /plentiful)

• Know that our Labour is not in Vain

It is my humble prayer that we all remain active in the vineyard of the Lord. Ensure your God given tasks and ministry is not neglected. We need to be steadfast and immovable in Christ Jesus and abound in the work of the LORD, because it is not in vain. In the name of the: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. AMEN

Stephen Kamore

+254721345450

[frmartinshomiliesandreflections]

17th September >> Fr. Martin’s Gospel Reflections / Homilies on Luke 7:11-17 for Tuesday, Twenty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time: ‘God has visited his people’. 

Tuesday, Twenty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

Gospel (Europe, Africa, New Zealand, Australia & Canada)

Luke 7:11-17

The only son of his mother, and she a widow

Jesus went to a town called Nain, accompanied by his disciples and a great number of people. When he was near the gate of the town it happened that a dead man was being carried out for burial, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a considerable number of the townspeople were with her. When the Lord saw her he felt sorry for her. ‘Do not cry’ he said. Then he went up and put his hand on the bier and the bearers stood still, and he said, ‘Young man, I tell you to get up.’ And the dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him to his mother. Everyone was filled with awe and praised God saying, ‘A great prophet has appeared among us; God has visited his people.’ And this opinion of him spread throughout Judaea and all over the countryside.

Gospel (USA)

Luke 7:11-17

Young man, I tell you, arise!

Jesus journeyed to a city called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd accompanied him. As he drew near to the gate of the city, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. A large crowd from the city was with her. When the Lord saw her, he was moved with pity for her and said to her, “Do not weep.” He stepped forward and touched the coffin; at this the bearers halted, and he said, “Young man, I tell you, arise!” The dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother. Fear seized them all, and they glorified God, exclaiming, “A great prophet has arisen in our midst,” and “God has visited his people.” This report about him spread through the whole of Judea and in all the surrounding region.

Reflections (7)

(i) Tuesday, Twenty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

When the people of Nain saw the extraordinary life-giving work that Jesus performed, they were filled with awe and praised God saying, ‘God has visited his people’. We too are drawn to Jesus because we recognise that in and through him God is visiting his people, all of humanity. The life, death and resurrection of Jesus was a visitation from God. The unknown and invisible God is made visible and knowable in the person of Jesus. In today’s gospel reading, Jesus reveals God to be one who brings new life out of death and who restores the loving relationship that has been broken by death. Jesus brought the deceased son of a widow back to life and then immediately gave him back to his mother. There is an image here of how God, through Jesus, continues to work in our lives. God is always at work bringing new life out of our various experiences of death, whether it is the physical death of our loved, our own personal death or all those anticipations of death that we experience in the course of our lives. The gospel reading suggests that God’s work of bringing new life out of death involves bringing together again loved ones who have become separated from each other. We can be confident that in bringing us to new life beyond this earthly life, the Lord will restore us to our loved ones, as he restored the young man to his mother. Jesus reveals God to be a God of life and love, who works to bring new life out of death and to restore and enhance all our loving relationships.

And/Or

(ii) Tuesday, Twenty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

In the time of Jesus, widows were considered very vulnerable; they no longer had their main provider, their husband. Widows often had to depend on their children, particularly their sons, to support them. A widow who lost her only son through death was, therefore, the most vulnerable of all. It is such a widow that Jesus encounters in today’s gospel. The gospel reading tells us that Jesus was moved with compassion by this woman’s plight. That inner movement of compassion resulted in action on his part, as he restores her son to life and gives him back to his mother. The widow did not take any initiative towards Jesus; she did not cry out to him for help. Without waiting to be asked, Jesus simply responded to a situation of human grief and loss. The same risen Lord reaches out to us today in our situations of grief and loss. When we are at our most vulnerable, his compassion is at its strongest. We are not asked to carry our grief and our loss on our own; the Lord carries us with us; he suffers with us. ‘To suffer with’ is the literal meaning of compassion. The Lord also calls on us to be channels of his compassion to each other in our hour of need, to help carry each other’s burdens, as he carries ours.

 And/Or

(iii) Tuesday, Twenty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

In yesterday’s gospel reading, Jesus comments on the extraordinary faith of the Roman centurion in asking Jesus to heal his servant at a distance. In this morning’s gospel reading, nothing is said about anyone’s faith. Indeed, no request is made of Jesus by anyone. Jesus simply sees a widow walking alongside the body of her only son as he was being carried for burial. When Jesus saw her, he was filled with compassion for her, as was the Samaritan when he saw the broken Jewish traveller and the father who saw his lost son returning home. Without being asked to do anything, without any evidence of faith, Jesus simply acts out of his compassion, raising the young man to life and giving him back to his widowed mother so that she would not be alone in the world. Jesus’ compassion is drawn by nothing else than the afflicted state of this family. It is only after this extraordinary initiative of Jesus that reference is made to any human response to Jesus, ‘everyone was filled with awe and praised God, saying “a great prophet has appeared among us”’. The gospel reminds us that the Lord’s initiative in our regard is not dependant on our having a certain level of faith. He comes towards us as we are, and the greater our need the stronger his coming. The Lord graces us with his presence and his gifts. Having been surprisingly and undeservedly graced by the Lord’s compassionate presence, we cannot but respond to such a grace in the way that the crowd did in today’s gospel reading, praising God for the gift of his Son.

And/Or

(iv) Tuesday, Twenty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

There are many stories in the gospels where people reach out to Jesus in their need and he responds to them. In the story we have just heard from Luke’s gospel, Jesus takes the initiative to reach out to the widow of Nain who had just lost her son, without any request being made of him. Luke tells us that when Jesus saw her, he had compassion for her, and he then acted out of his compassion, restoring her son to her. The same was said of the Samaritan in the parable that Jesus would go on to tell in Luke’s gospel. The Samaritan saw the broken traveller by the roadside, had compassion on him and acted out of his compassion, restoring his dignity to him. Jesus reaches out to all of us in our need, without waiting for us to call on him. He is there before us even before we seek him. He is present to us in his compassion, whether or not we call upon him. Our prayer does not make him present; it is always a response to his presence. He comes towards us and our calling is to receive his coming.

 And/Or

(v) Tuesday, Twenty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

It is said of Jesus in today’s gospel reading that when he saw the grieving widow he had compassion for her. In two of the parables that Jesus speaks in Luke’s gospel we find that same description of a compassionate response to someone. The Samaritan had compassion for the broken traveller; the father had compassion for his returned son. In all three cases someone identifies very closely with the sufferings of someone else, whether their emotional suffering as in the case of the widow, or their physical suffering as in the case of the broken traveller, or their physical, emotional and spiritual suffering as in the case of the returning son. In today’s gospel reading and in the two parables Jesus tells the compassion shown is a revelation of God’s compassion. It is not said of the widow in today’s gospel reading that she had faith or that she asked Jesus for anything. Jesus simply reaches out to her in her need. Compassion does not ask questions about a person’s suitability to be served. Jesus, the Samaritan and the father all acted out of compassion without asking questions or making a judgement as to whether the person was deserving of help or not. Jesus is often portrayed as responding to people’s faith, but he is also portrayed as taking the initiative towards people without first looking for faith. It might be reassuring to remember that when our own faith seems weak.

 And/Or

(vi) Tuesday, Twenty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

In this morning’s gospel reading, Jesus ministers to a grieving widow. He restores her son to life and then he gives the restored young man to his mother. Jesus regularly ministered to those who were broken in body, mind and spirit. In this instance, he is moved with compassion by the broken heart of a grieving widow. Jesus was close to people in their grief. In John’s gospel he stands alongside Mary and Martha whose brother Lazarus had just died and brings life out of their experience of death. We can all find ourselves with an opportunity from time to time of ministering to the bereaved, to those whose heart is broken because they have lost a loved one. We may not be able to do what Jesus did for the widow at Nain, but our compassionate presence to someone grieving can be truly life-giving for them. We may not have much to say to them, but our presence, our desire to be with them in their grief, can itself be a very consoling message. It is striking that no reference is made to the faith of the widow in the gospel, or to the faith of her son. She didn’t approach Jesus trusting in him for help, as so many others did. Jesus simply took an initiative towards her because he was deeply moved by her brokenness of heart and spirit. Our own ministry to the bereaved needs to be just as spontaneous. Without raising any question regarding their faith, we are there with the grieving simply because they need us. Compassion does not ask questions; it is happy to walk alongside those whose brokenness is calling out for companionship.

 And/Or

(vii) Tuesday, Twenty Fourth Week in Ordinary Time

It has been remarked that at the beginning of this gospel story a parade of life meets with a parade of death. Jesus accompanied by his disciples and a great number of people approach the gate of the town of Nain. Coming in the opposite direction is a dead man being carried out for burial, the only son of his widowed mother, surrounded by a considerable number of the people of Nain. When these two very different processions meet, something extraordinary happens. Without waiting to be asked to do anything, Jesus, filled with compassion for the widowed mother, restores life to the young man and gives him back to his mother. The parade of death becomes a parade of joy with people praising God for visiting his people through the person of Jesus.  The gospel reading reminds us that Jesus has entered our world as a life-giver. In the words of the great prayer of Zechariah, the father of John the Baptist, Jesus reveals the tender mercy of God by giving light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death. The same risen Lord stands among us as light in our darkness and as life in our death. Whenever we find ourselves as part of some parade of death, we can be assured that the Lord of life is drawing near to us, even if he has not been called upon. He comes to bring us life so that we in turn can be life-givers in our world. The Lord who visits us at the head of a parade of life, sends us out as his messengers of life to enhance and protect life in all its forms.

  Fr. Martin Hogan, Saint John the Baptist Parish, Clontarf, Dublin, D03 AO62, Ireland.

Email: sjtbclontarf@eircom.net or  revmartinhogan@gmail.com

Parish Website: www.stjohnsclontarf.ie  Please join us via our webcam.

Twitter: @SJtBClontarfRC.

Facebook: St John the Baptist RC Parish, Clontarf.

Tumblr: Saint John the Baptist Parish, Clontarf, Dublin.

[comebeforegod]

Confusion Resolved: Why Jews Didn’t Believe in Jesus

By Cheng Tu

One day in 33 A.D., dark clouds loomed over Jerusalem, filling the air with gloom.

The Lord Jesus, with a crown of thorns on His head, was standing on the platform where the trial had been held. Off the platform were the angry chief priests, scribes and Pharisees, who shouted, “His blood be on us, and on our children.” Many furious Jewish people were also yelling as they raised their arms, “Crucify Him! Crucify Him!”

One day in 70 A.D., flames of war raged in the city of Jerusalem, the smoke drifted and covered the sky.

The raging fire was engulfing the imposing temple; terrified Jewish people were fleeing in all directions; armed Roman soldiers wielded their swords hacking at whatever they saw. The ground was strewn with the corpses of the Jews, blood flowing like rivers …

When Pilate, the Roman governor, asked them to make a choice, the Jewish people chose to reject the Lord Jesus. Ultimately, they were cursed by God and suffered the pain of national subjugation.

Every time Simon read Matthew 27:21–25, these scenes would come into his mind.

Back then, the Lord Jesus’ words and work overflowed with authority and power. He healed the sick, exorcised demons, and allowed the blind to see, the lame to walk, lepers to be healed—which of the things He did or the words He spoke were not beneficial and edifying to people? So, what is the reason that caused the Jewish people who had enjoyed so much grace from the Lord to follow the chief priests, scribes and Pharisees to reject the Lord Jesus and nail Him to the cross?

With this question, Simon went before God to pray and seek guidance many times. Finally, one day, after listening to Brother Song’s fellowship, he found the answer.

That day, Simon came across Brother Song, an old acquaintance of his, and he hurriedly poured out his confusion.

After listening to Simon’s question, Brother Song thought for a while and replied, “As for why the Jewish people followed the Pharisees in resistance to the Lord Jesus, I think there are two primary reasons:

“First, they stubbornly held on to their own notions and imaginations and didn’t seek the truth—this is one of the reasons. At that time, the Lord Jesus showed many of God’s signs and wonders, which caused a sensation in the Jewish land. The Jewish people had personally seen or experienced them, and they were aware that the Lord Jesus possessed authority and power, and that He was capable of making the blind see, the lame walk, and even bringing Lazarus, who had already been dead for four days and whose corpse had already rotted, back to life. However, they simply didn’t pay attention to seeking the Lord Jesus’ work or listening to His words, but still stubbornly clung to their own notions and imaginings and relied on them to delimit the Lord.

“When the Lord Jesus said He was sent by the Heavenly Father, they accused Him of blasphemy and didn’t believe that the Lord Jesus was the coming Messiah foretold in the Old Testament. Just as it is recorded in the Bible: ‘The Jews answered Him, saying, For a good work we stone You not; but for blasphemy; and because that You, being a man, make Yourself God’ (John 10:33), ‘Is not this the carpenter’s son? is not His mother called Mary? and His brothers, James, and Joses, and Simon, and Judas? And His sisters, are they not all with us? From where then has this man all these things? And they were offended in Him’ (Matthew 13:55–57).

“We can see from these verses that, though they had clearly seen the miracles performed by the Lord Jesus and had listened to His preaching, they still held onto their own conceptions and condemned the Lord Jesus. They believed that the Messiah would be majestic, poised, and be born in the palace, and that He would save them from the rule of the Romans. But the fact is that not only did the Lord Jesus not lead them to overturn the Roman regime, but actually taught them to be forgiving and tolerant, and to love their enemies; He wasn’t born in the palace but in a manger, and He was ordinary in outward appearance, and had parents and siblings, different from the Messiah in their notions and imaginations. They therefore defined that the Lord Jesus was not the Messiah based on their notions and imaginings without seeking in the Lord Jesus’ work and words, and even followed the Pharisees in resistance to Him and nailed Him to the cross.”

Simon listened entranced, and he nodded, saying, “It’s true. They saw that the Lord Jesus had performed many miracles, but they still didn’t seek and accept His work, which was precisely caused by their stubbornly clinging to their own notions. Because the Lord Jesus’ work wasn’t in line with their notions and He didn’t match up with the Messiah of their imagination, they condemned Him based on their notions and missed out on the Lord’s salvation. It seems that notions can really ruin man.”

Brother Song continued fellowshiping, “We humans are dust, so how can we fathom God’s work? Actually, notions are not to be feared; what is to be feared is for people to blindly hold onto them and refuse to let them go. This is the most deadly thing. Aside from this, another important reason for the Jews following the Pharisees in resisting the Lord Jesus is that in their faith in God, they didn’t worship God or focus on listening to God’s words, but instead followed and listened to men.

“In the minds of the Jewish people, the Pharisees had served God in the temple for generations, they were familiar with the Scripture and proficient in the law, and so it was undoubtedly right to follow them in believing in God. Although many of the Jews had heard the Lord Jesus exposed the hypocritical essence of the Pharisees, which was that they did not practice what they preached, and that they honored God with their lips while their hearts were far from Him, they didn’t accept His words. They still had no discernment of the Pharisees and continued to follow them and live bound by them. Just like it is recorded in the Bible: ‘Then came the officers to the chief priests and Pharisees; and they said to them, Why have you not brought Him? The officers answered, Never man spoke like this man. Then answered them the Pharisees, Are you also deceived? Have any of the rulers or of the Pharisees believed on Him?’ (John 7:45–48).

“Even though they believed in God, they had no place for God in their hearts, but had a place for people. For example, it is recorded in the Bible that the Lord Jesus once cured a man who was born blind with clay and spittle. Afterward, when the Pharisees asked the man’s parents whether their son was born blind, though they clearly knew that it was the Lord Jesus who cured their son, they didn’t dare to tell the truth. Just as it says in the Bible, ‘But the Jews did not believe concerning him, that he had been blind, and received his sight, until they called the parents of him that had received his sight. And they asked them, saying, Is this your son, who you say was born blind? how then does he now see? His parents answered them and said, We know that this is our son, and that he was born blind: But by what means he now sees, we know not; or who has opened his eyes, we know not: he is of age; ask him: he shall speak for himself. These words spoke his parents, because they feared the Jews: for the Jews had agreed already, that if any man did confess that He was Christ, he should be put out of the synagogue’ (John 9:18–22). ‘Nevertheless among the chief rulers also many believed on Him; but because of the Pharisees they did not confess Him, lest they should be put out of the synagogue: For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God’ (John 12:42–43). It’s not hard for us to see in these verses that, during the period the Lord Jesus worked, many Jewish people had witnessed the miracles performed by the Lord Jesus and believed that He was from God, but because they feared that they would be suppressed and persecuted by the religious leaders, and that they might be thrown out of the synagogue and be abandoned by people, they didn’t dare to believe in the Lord Jesus or bear witness for His deeds. Clearly, God didn’t have even the smallest place in their hearts. They would rather offend God than offend people, and they feared people but had no reverence for God. On the surface they appeared to believe in God, but in fact were following people.”

Simon shook his head and sighed. From Brother Song’s fellowship, he saw that these Jewish people were exactly a living example of the saying, “The pathetic must have done something detestable.” He couldn’t help but feel sorry for their tragedy and angry at their cowardice.

Brother Song seemed to see what Simon was thinking. He then opened his notepad and read a passage of God’s words: “For they only value position, prestige, and power. … they are simply traitors who have turned their backs on Christ, on truth, and on life. What you admire is not the humility of Christ, but those false shepherds of prominent standing. … You are not willing to suffer alongside Christ, but gladly go into the arms of those reckless antichrists though they supply to you only flesh, only letters, and only control.”

Simon nodded in agreement and thought: “These words are spoken right to the point! Isn’t this exactly the condition of the Jews who followed the Pharisees?”

Brother Song said, “Only from God’s words did I see the substance of the Jews. They paid lip service to believing in and following God, but in reality were worshiping and following people. They didn’t love the truth or listen to the Lord Jesus’ words, but rather esteemed influence. They saw that the Lord Jesus was an ordinary and normal man, whose followers were some sinners despised by others, whereas the Pharisees were the religious leaders, who held a high position in the synagogue. They thought if they followed the Lord Jesus, then they would no longer have a foothold in the synagogue. That is why they would rather reject the Lord Jesus than offend the Pharisees, and lost God’s salvation in the end.”

Simon nodded and said with emotion: “These words have dissected the Jews very thoroughly. Indeed, in the Jews’ eyes, the Pharisees had status and influence while the Lord Jesus was just an ordinary man, so they would rather offend God than offend the Pharisees, and even followed the Pharisees to condemn God. It seems that they actually were not believing in God but were worshiping people. Through your fellowship, I feel much clearer about why the Jewish people followed the Pharisees in resisting the Lord Jesus. It really is thanks to the Lord!”

Brother Song nodded approvingly and said, “Thanks be to the Lord! God said, ‘My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge’ (Hosea 4:6). And it says in Proverbs 10:21, ‘Fools die for want of wisdom.’ Those who believe in God but follow and listen to people rather than God are destined for destruction. In fact, we should take the failure of the Jews as a warning. Now the last days have already arrived, and the prophecies of the Lord’s return have basically been fulfilled. At this key time of the Lord’s coming, how should we welcome the Lord’s return? The Lord Jesus once said, ‘And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom comes; go you out to meet him’ (Matthew 25:6), ‘My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me’ (John 10:27). The Lord asked us to be as wise virgins, to learn to hear God’s voice, and to actively welcome His coming. Even if there may be some things we don’t understand about the Lord’s coming and we may have some notions, we should let go of them and practically seek and investigate to see whether or not it is God’s voice. Only in this way can we avoid being like the Jews who missed out on God’s salvation because of notions.

“From the lesson of the Jews’ failure, we should also understand that it is God whom we believe in, and that in our faith in God, we should honor God as great and do everything in accordance with God’s words. Especially with regards to welcoming the Lord’s return in the last days, we should listen to the Lord’s words even more, pray and seek the Lord in everything, and practice in accordance with God’s words. We mustn’t worship, look to or listen to people, much less be bound or restricted by any person when it comes to studying the true way. Just like when Peter and the other apostles were captured by the chief priest—what did they do when the priest intimidated them and threatened them to abandon the Lord? They said firmly, ‘We ought to obey God rather than men’ (Acts 5:29). Their example is worth emulating!”

Simon nodded his head in agreement and they two then fellowshiped until 5 p.m. that day. Because Brother Song had something important to do, they ended the conversation.

In the dead of night, Simon lay on the bed and his heart couldn’t calm down. He kept thinking of Brother Song’s fellowship and thought: “What Brother Song fellowshiped today really contains the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit! The Jews back then clung to their own notions and refused to accept the Lord Jesus even though they had seen the miracles He performed and heard the words He spoke. They listened to the Pharisees rather than to God, and they were afraid of offending the Pharisees but didn’t fear offending God. As a result, they followed the Pharisees in crucifying the Lord Jesus, thus committing a heinous crime. The lesson of the failure of the Jews is really worth absorbing. Now it is already the last days, the key time for receiving the Lord’s coming. I must pray and seek more, focus on listening to the words of the Holy Spirit to the churches, and be like a clever virgin….”

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

A Story about a Balaur and a Dakotaraptor

Oh Geez what have I done 

Just, picture a universe like Zootopia, but the animals are all Reptiles (including birds) from 70-66 Mya (The Maastrichtian age). Also, they aren’t physically anthropomorphized. 

Trigger Warning for emotional abuse, weed and alcohol, I guess? Anyways this is the story of the Adorable Sapphics: 

By Tas on http://tasmagorical.id.au. Thanks to @ryuukiba for giving me important Spanish Insults. It’s long, but feel free to reblog. 

I first saw her in my Intro to Philosophy class.

I was only in the class because my girlfriend of the time – Jinny, an Anzu from my hometown who came with me to this strange, giant university – wanted to major in Philosophy, and well, I need to fill some electives, I guess.

The teacher was rambling about something that I didn’t give a flying pterosaur crap about – I think it was ethics, which is embarrassing in retrospect – and I was just staring around the room. It was an “international” school, meaning that people from around the world came just to attend the world-famous classes. A giant Deinocheirus, one of the weirdest people I had ever seen, ever, was sitting in back, chewing on a piece of… water plant? A Simosuchus was in the front, and couldn’t really take notes – being quadrupedal and all – so he was using his tail, and it was an amusing sight. An Alamosaurus – who was much too big for the classroom – had a hole cut out of the wall of the room for him – and he was falling asleep in class.

And there she was.

Sitting a few rows from the front, on her own, using one of her feet to take notes. This was amusing in and of itself – did she not use her fingers buried in her wings to grab things, like I did? Jinny didn’t, but Jinny didn’t look much like me, either, and she just looked like a mini version of me.

I looked closer at her foot, and saw she had two Big Claws.

Two!

I watched her in surprise, now completely disconnected from Philosophy. Who cared, anyway?

She had two pens in her claws – using one to manipulate an actual pen, for notes, and the other a highlighter – to highlight back over her notes.

Wow, I thought to myself, maybe she could give me some tips on being a better student. Or at least, she could for this class. I was pretty good at calculus, didn’t need help with that.

“Setha!”

I looked over at Jinny, brought back rather rapidly to reality.

“Have you been paying attention at all?” Jinny laughed, the sound coming out like a loud, abrasive caw.

“Not really,” I shook my head, “I told you, Jin, I’m just not that interested in all this.”

“Then why did you take the class with me?” Jinny demanded angrily as the professor wrapped up and we all shuffled to leave the lecture hall; a Quetzalcoatlus had to fly up and peck at the Alamosaurus’ face to get him to wake up.

“I dunno, cause you wanted to take it together?” I snapped back.

“So stupid,” Jinny muttered as we left the room. I could feel my head feathers puff up in annoyance, but I tried to keep it to myself.

I looked around wildly for the two-clawed girl. I had seen so many others, closely related to me, who had big claws as well – there were the small cousins of mine from home, the Acheroraptor – but there was also Adasaurus, from the same place as Deinocheirus; and Atrociraptor, from a few miles North of where I lived. There was even Austroraptor, who was as big as I was, but from South America!

I had never seen anyone like her.

I finally locked eyes on her. She looked so small – but I knew plenty of distant relatives of mine who were small – but she also walked differently. More like my distant distant relatives, you know, the ones who were experimenting more with the air? And branches and stuff?

Anyway, she was cheerfully getting out of her seat when another animal walked up to her – it was one of those weird digging things, you know, the kind that dig up insects all the time and just kind of run around? He was a big one, much taller than the double-clawed girl, and he kind of shoved her forward with his nose.

I felt my feathers raise more in annoyance.

“What are you looking at?” Jinny asked.

“Oh – uh – nothing,” I said, and we walked together through the campus to our next class.

“Maybe you’ll return to normal in calc,” Jinny groaned.

“Usually do,” I offered, but the image of the digger pushing the double-claw forward was burned into my brain.

Still, being a freshman was hard – and I had other things to worry about. Like intro to chemistry. Which was probably going to kill me – slowly – in a vial of acid – used in the laboratory portion.

So I studied a lot. My best friend from home – Mik, a Tyrannosaurus who was increasingly getting huge and terrifying – was really good at chemistry, so we usually spent our time studying together.

“So are you going to actually come with me to the review session, or are you going to sit in your dorm and play video games with Nikko?” Mik asked as we poured over textbooks together, two nights before the second exam of the term (and I needed to pass).

“Nikko is busy trying to find a girlfriend,” I snorted. Nikko was our newest friend from the school, who Mik had met in his Biology class. He was a Velafrons, and he was terrible at speaking English, but man, could he swear and yell at us for not even trying at Spanish, so to each their own.

“Dammit,” Mik groaned, “I guess a relationship between a hadrosaur and a tyrannosaur is too crazy anyway?”

“Dude, you’re literally wanting to bang what you could consider a prey species,” I snorted at him.

“Yeah,” Mik sighed, “Why did he have to be straight?”

“Cause them’s the breaks,” I paused, “But no, I guess I’ll go to the study session tonight.”

“Thank God,” Mik groaned, “You need it.”

“Watch it,” I snarled.

“You know you haven’t been able to beat me in a fight since we were kids,” Mik paused, “Don’t try it.”

I snorted again and went back to studying, burying my nose in the book.

“By the way,” Mik said, “On the subject of Romance –“

“Oh no,” I groaned.

“Jin says you two like, never hang out anymore?” Mik asked.

“Jin only gives a crap about philosophy and history and all this shit that’s meaningless to me – and oh man, she’s just gotten more annoying about being against religion – like I’m not religious but does she have to belong to a club that’s literally a militantly atheist group? Really? How freaking rude, right?” I snapped.

“Well you know I agree. I don’t know why you dated her in the first place. We made fun of her in junior high,” Mik shook his head.

“Look, I’m a lesbian, tail is hard to come by,” I paused, “And she… had a nice phase in high school.”

“You mean that phase when she tried to make Ethel and Jacob atheists? Because she ‘didn’t care’ that they were ya know, Avialan, and therefore Jewish, but she did care that they believed in God?” Mik snorted, “There’s a reason they didn’t come here with us.”

“How are they doing at Hell Creek U, by the way?” I asked.

“Oh good,” Mik said, “They’re probably going to get married soon, honestly. They don’t see the point in waiting around.”

“Aww!” I gasped, “That’s so sweet. Are you going to go?”

“Dude, I’ve been friends with them since we were hatchlings, of course,” Mik paused, “Do you think it’ll be like Greg and Winnie’s wedding?”

“Because… they’re all Avialans?” I asked, laughing, “You do know there are differences between Avisaurus and Brodavis, right?”

“Yeah, course I know that,” Mik said defensively.

“Like, I don’t think that Ethel and Jacob will have as many water-related components –“

“I’m sorry, I was just wondering if there would be commonalities, that’s all!” Mik snorted.

“Well we’ll find out,” I paused.

“But back to the main topic,” Mik said, “You go to Maastrichtian University. The biggest school in the whole world. Reptiles from far and wide come here to get a fantastic education. You can definitely find someone nicer than Jinny.”

“You really want me to get rid of her, huh?” I laughed.

“If she could stop saying that I, because am a Tyrannosaur, am naturally violent, that would be great, that’s all I’m saying,” Mik roared.

“Yeah, okay, I’m going to break up with her,” I said, “You have a point.”

“Thank God,” Mik groaned, “Racist piece of shit –“

I snorted loudly and buried my nose back in atomic structures, but honestly, the relief at realizing I didn’t have to be with the only lesbian (that I knew of) from my home town was Huge.

Jinny didn’t take it well, and honestly, I don’t really care that she didn’t – she was a huge bitch. But now, of course, I was stuck in philosophy.

The things I do for love, I thought dejectedly as I sat in a different corner of the room, next to an Albertonykus, named Renee, I knew from the LGBTQ+ club (she was bisexual, but in a stable relationship with a boy from home, so that was a bust).

“What do you think we’ll suffer through today?” she asked.

“I don’t have a clue,” I groaned, “Why am I in this class.”

“Because you liked a mean girl and didn’t break up with her until after the add/drop period?” Renee offered.

“Why are you in this class?” I asked, sighing deeply.

“Because Lim is a philosophy major back at ‘Shoe College and I’d like to know what he’s talking about,” Renee laughed, “See, I, unlike you, am in a happy relationship –“

“Don’t rub it in,” I shook my head sadly.

“Ahem!” the professor called out. I quickly turned to pay attention, filled with embarrassment so my feathers puffed up all over.

“This week I would like you all to work on a project on personal perceptions of the existence of higher beings,” the professor began, “You’ll be working with someone I will pair you up with based on previous papers. I think it is extremely important that you work with someone with a different perspective on the subject than you.”

I nodded. Made sense.

“This is a rather large lecture hall, so your partners are all in a document on the online class portal,” she explained, “Emails are provided so you can get in touch with your partner. Now, back to the arguments presented by Fluffcart –“

I opened up my computer, wondering who I’d get paired with. Reading down the sheet, I was being matched with Nami, a name I didn’t recognize, so I pulled up my email.

Hey, looks like we’re partners for this thing – where do you want to meet up? I typed, tapping my claws against the floor.

I didn’t get a responding email for the duration of the class – though, I supposed, I should have been a better student and paying attention anyway. In fact, I didn’t get an email until later in the day, while I was hanging out with Mik and Nikko.

“You are so bad at Super Smash Dinos, Setha, I don’t know why you even try to play,” Mik teased.

“YOU HAVE TO USE YOUR FEET, DON’T EVEN – “ I shrieked.

“Tiny armed tonto,” Nikko laughed.

“How dare you make fun of my arms –“

“Estás bien way, ‘course I’m making fun of your arms-“

“You fucker –“ Mik flicked his tail at Nikko, hitting him in the back of the crest.

“Ow! ¡Fíjate, pendejo!” Nikka shouted, “Keep those feathers away from me –“

I got a buzz from my phone, so I picked up while they bickered over video games, reading quickly.

Hey Setha, Let’s meet in the student center tomorrow at eight. I can’t really do later than that. ~ Nami

I sighed. Eight was when I had LGBTQ+ club, but, if she couldn’t do another time, well, there you go.

Sure, see you then. I’ll be the tall as fuck raptor, I sent, snorting quietly as Nikko beat Mik single-handedly. Literally. Nikko was playing with one hand. Nami didn’t respond to my message, so I just went back to playing.

I hardly ever went to the student center, mainly because I was super broke, and didn’t really feel like spending money I didn’t have on crappy junk food. It was also crowded and loud, and so many students were just… everywhere. Not my thing.

“Are you Setha?” a thick accent greeted me with. I looked up from my bad phone game – Angry Pterosaurs – and up into the most adorable, perfect face I had ever seen.

It was the two-clawed girl!

“Oh, hi! Nami?” I greeted, trying to not get too flustered. She was so small and gentle looking.

Oh no.

Not again.

How many times must I fall for a straight girl?

I had seen her since then with the digging boy – I didn’t know the kind of animal for either of them, they were from somewhere I wasn’t familiar with – and it was painfully obvious they were together.

“Yes, hi,” Nami said, sitting down, “I’ve seen you in class, nice to meet you –“

“Nice to meet you, too,” I paused, “I – uh – guess we should get started, then?”

“Yes, sounds good,” Nami said, “Let us see here – the assignment says we should discuss our differing perspectives of the possibility of the divine, and then explore those perspectives, and write up a report about the differences and similarities.”

“Right, well, I’m easy,” I said, “I’m agnostic.”

“Ah,” Nami nodded, “I see.”

“What about you?” I asked, tapping my claws against the floor again. I was much too flustered by how pretty she was. How could anyone’s feathers be so green? Was that even possible?

“I’m Jewish,” she said, “Avialan, you see.”

“You’re… Avialan?” I asked in confusion, “But you look like… a raptor, you know, like me.”

“No,” she shook her head, “I’m a Balaur. We’re Avialans from Romania.”

“Wow that’s… really interesting,” I paused, “Why do you guys look like raptors?”

“Why does anyone look like anything?” Nami said sharply, “Does it matter?”

“No,” I shook my head, “No, it doesn’t, I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have asked.”

Nami nodded in satisfaction and pulled out her planner, “Well I go to shul every Friday and Saturday, of course. I suppose you could come with me, and we could talk afterwards about everything, if you don’t have other plans?”

“No, I shouldn’t,” I said, “Um, I don’t really have… services, being agnostic and all.”

Nami laughed, “No you wouldn’t, would you? Well we can just talk here about it if you’d like.”

“Uh… sure,” I paused, “I mean, we don’t have to get this all done so fast, we have a few weeks –“

Please let me hang out with you more –

“Oh, I don’t have a lot of free time,” Nami said sadly.

“Why not?”

“Coyle likes us to spend all our time together,” she shrugged.

“Coyle?” I asked, trying to play dumb.

“My boyfriend,” Nami said, “A Bradycneme.”

“Ah, okay,” I said, “So he… doesn’t let you do things on your own?”

“Not really, no,” Nami sighed, “Really, just my classes and shul.”

“So he’s not Jewish either?” I asked.

“Well, he’s a Digger, not an Avialan, so…” Nami laughed.

“People convert,” I offered.

“True,” Nami paused, “No… he doesn’t show much interest in it.”

“Oh,” I said, “I’m sorry.”

“It alright,” Nami said, “Anyway, so, tell me about what you believe?”

“Right, well, I guess I just don’t think about it much?” I said, “I wasn’t raised in any particular faith. It just didn’t matter to me much. I say I’m agnostic because I don’t really know if you can empirically prove whether or not there’s a God, and well, I like to believe in what I can prove.”

“Why?” Nami asked, writing down some stuff as I talked, lifting up her leg and using her toes like I had seen on that first day of class.

“I dunno. I’m a physicist,” I paused, “I like numbers, and calculations, and reasoning through things. It makes sense to me. I find a problem and I solve it. The universe can really be reduced to numbers, and… I dunno, I like combining them and finding answers through that. Measuring things, testing things, and using that to find my answers. That’s what matters to me, that’s what helps me understand the world. I question it. And I questioned God… I guess I did. I dunno, I never really thought about it extensively… but the times I did… I questioned God, and I couldn’t find evidence either way, and that was good enough for me…”

“Hmm,” Nami paused, “I see, yes.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you,” I said, grimacing.

“Oh you didn’t!” Nami said, “No that was very polite.”

“It… was?”

“Yes. Coyle is much ruder about how he’s an atheist. Keeps trying to get me to stop going to shul,” Nami looked embarrassed, “I shouldn’t have said that much.”

“Oh, I don’t mind,” I said, feeling furious that someone would treat this girl I barely knew so rudely.

“I’m famished,” she looked at her phone, “And I have some time before he’s done with his writing club.”

“Do you wanna go to the burger place? Serves some great Mammals,” I offered.

“Uh… I’m an herbivore,” she said, looking even more embarrassed.

“Oh! I shouldn’t have assumed, I keep forgetting you’re not a raptor,” I groaned, “That’s completely my fault.”

“We can go to the sandwich place,” she offered, “They have kosher veggie wraps.”

“Okay!” I said eagerly, glad she wanted to spend so much time with me when I had literally put my foot in my mouth.

“So for you, physics is a religion?” she asked as we got in line. She was so much shorter than me.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” I admitted, “I don’t really… worship it? But it makes sense to me. It’s how I understand the world around me.”

“So what made you take philosophy?” Nami asked, “I mean, it’s also very logical, of course, but it’s not really… empirical.”

“Ugh, I had the worst girlfriend in the world and she’s a philosophy major, so I took it with her to take a class with her,” I groaned, “We’re broken up now.”

“You’re gay?” Nami asked.

“Uh… yeah,” I said, now feeling scared.

I’d had people be dicks to me before.

“Are you in the LGBTQ+ club?”

“Yup, I’m missing it right now,” I sighed.

“I wish I could go,” Nami lamented, ordering her sandwich and moving out of the way for me to do the same.

“Oh – are you…?” I didn’t finish my question.

“I’m… yes,” Nami paused, “I’m asexual, but I’m panromantic – I’ll date anyone.”

“Ah, gotcha,” I said, suddenly very cheerful indeed.

“I’ve only ever dated boys though,” Nami explained, “I had a… wonderful boyfriend in high school, but. Well. I’m with Coyle now.”

I didn’t push it.

“Why can’t you go to the club?” I asked, changing the subject for her. She looked especially uncomfortable, her feathers puffing up dramatically.

“Coyle doesn’t want me to,” Nami said simply, “He’s… very protective.”

“I see,” I said.

I didn’t like Coyle.

“Well, you should still hang out with people other than him,” I said, “Want to do something this weekend after we do stuff at your shul?”

“Oh… I… well,” Nami looked torn, “I would like to, yes, I think, but I don’t… I’ll make an excuse.”

“You should!” I eagerly wrote down my dorm room on a piece of paper, “My friends and, I we play a lot of video games.”

Nami laughed, “That sounds like fun. I can say I have a thing with my shul, he won’t question it.”

I nodded, but I still felt uncomfortable inside.

Mik, Nikko, and their new friend Tuoma – a trans girl Kritosaurus that Nikko met through his biology lab – were all in my dorm when I got back, playing Dinorio Kart.

“Eyyy there she is!” Tuoma greeted.

“Hi guys,” I paused, “Don’t you all have like, a huge biology test tomorrow?”

“We’re having a study break!” Mik protested.

“How are you guys expecting to get into medical school if you don’t study?” I snorted, sitting across from them.

“I am doing no such thing,” Nikko reminded, “I’m going to grad school.”

“Right, then it’s the other two who are stupid,” I shook my head.

“Hey!” Mike groaned as he lost, “Come on, Setha –“

“Don’t come on me, if you flunk out I’m gonna be all alone…”

“So how was your meeting with your philosophy partner?” Tuoma asked.

“Um,” I paused, “Good…”

“What’s wrong?” Mik asked instantly, stopping mid game.

“Oi! ¡Cabrón!” Nikko shouted.

“If you think that someone’s in an abusive relationship, but you barely know the person, what do you do?” I blurted out.

Everyone fell silent and looked at me in worry.

“I’m… not sure,” Tuoma sighed.

“Maybe befriend them?” Mik offered. Nikko nodded in agreement.

“I… I mean, I’m going to try, obviously. I just… I’m scared for her, and I don’t know her like, at all,” I sighed.

“Well, ease into it. Maybe it’s not as bad as it seems from the outside,” Mike said soothingly.

“Maybe…” I frowned, “She’ll be hanging out with us Saturday evening, after I do stuff with her for our project.”

“Ah – Tuoma’s bringing a new friend too!” Nikko said.

“Oh?” I asked, pulling out dried meat from Mik and my’s bowl of snacks.

“Yeah, their name is Qindo, they’re agender, we met at the trans support group,” Tuoma explained, “Thought they’d make a fine addition to ‘getting high and attempting to play Super Dinorio Bros’ club.”

“Ha! Awesome,” I laughed, “It’ll be an interesting evening for her.”

“What’s her name? What is she like?” Mik asked.

“Remember when I told you about a girl in my philo class with two foot claws?” I held up my foot and swiveled my claw back and forth in demonstration.

“Eww, get that out of my face, stinky,” Tuoma laughed.

“Yeah, I do,” Mik snorted.

“Well it’s her,” I paused, “She’s an Avialan, actually.”

“An Avialan? ¿Realmente?” Nikko asked.

“Yeah. A vegetarian, too,” I paused, “I really stuck my foot in my mouth, to be honest.”

“Kept assuming she was a raptor?” Mik laughed. I threw a pillow at him.

“Yes, you dumbass,” I paused, “She looks like a weird Adasaurus, okay? Geez.”

“So what’s your philo project about?” Tuoma asked.

“Religion, oddly enough,” I paused, “So I’m going to go with her to Shabbat stuff this weekend.”

“You know, we never went with our friends from home, that should be interesting,” Mik offered.

“I hope so,” I paused, “I’m looking forward to it, for sure.”

Mik stared at me critically for a minute before shouting, “Oh my God.”

“What?” Tuoma asked in confusion, looking between us rapidly.

“Setha’s fallen for her!” Mik laughed loudly.

“Fuck you, too!” I shouted, so embarrassed I wanted to melt into the floor.

“She’s in love! Oh no! Oh this is fucking typical!” Mik roared with laughter, making Nikko shout in instinctual fear.

“Leave me alone!”

“Why are you like this?” Mik chortled.

“Hey – you had a giant crush on Nikko before –“

“HEY”

“Wait you did?”

“I…”

“This should be interesting,” Tuoma said, sitting back and munching on some leaves in glee.

“I thought you were cute, but then I realized you were straight –“

“I mean, yeah, but like, I’d still be flattered, man!” Nikko shouted.

“I didn’t think you wouldn’t be – “

“So why didn’t you tell me?”

“Cause I was embarrassed!”

“I’m a flexible person! I mean, I’m not attracted to you, but like, I wouldn’t freak out about it! Again, I’d be flattered!”

“Well by the time I realized you would be I had gotten over it!”

I snorted loudly, satisfied that they were off the topic of my crush on Nami, and opened up my computer to work on an online homework assignment for calculus.

That Friday, I met Nami at her shul, which was just off of campus. It was a small place, but quiet; I wandered through the halls curiously, looking at all the pictures and names on the walls.

“It’s much bigger than the one from my home,” Nami said quietly. I turned around to see her, feeling embarrassed when I nearly knocked her over with my tail.

“Oh?” I asked.

“Yes,” she paused, “We’re still… recovering from. Well. Everything that happened.”

I nodded. I didn’t bring it up, for her sake. She already looked sad, and she hadn’t even said allowed the word.

“Do you get along with the people here well?” I asked.

“It’s a modest place, so yes,” Nami smiled, “It’s my one relaxing moment of the week, really.”

“I’m looking forward to participating,” I nodded as we went into the hall together, sitting together and taking out prayer books.

It was a beautiful, if quiet, affair. Almost everything was sung, and everyone was really friendly. Wine was drunk, and candles were lit, and I didn’t really know what was going on – or how to say, any, of the words – but it was nice. Nami looked really relaxed and happy, which made me happy, much to my chagrin.

God dammit.

Afterwards we all went to another room and sat down to eat dinner, which was almost entirely vegetarian, so I couldn’t eat it. Still, I enjoyed sitting there, listening to everyone talk.

“We hardly ever see Balaur anymore, but it’s really nice to have Nami with us,” an Enantiornis named Lolla said.

“So what are you going to write about in your project?” another Enantiornis named Poppy asked.

“I dunno, I think just… well, I liked what your Rabbi was saying about social justice and all that. I dunno, my main perception of religion has always been… thou shalt nots, that sort of thing,” I explained.

“Well, yes, but that’s not how it is here, or at least, not in this shul,” Nami said happily.

“Sin is more missing the mark, than some sort of inherent state that we’re all trying to escape,” Poppy nodded, “And it’s much more about fulfilling mitzvot than anything, really.”

“Belief in God is important, but it’s also about community, and coming together, and studying Torah,” Lolla explained.

“And debating the meaning of it!” Poppy laughed.

“Oh yes, can’t forget that the biggest part of being in this tribe is… arguing,” Lolla giggled.

“Nothing is really dogma, there is no one ‘right’ way to be Jewish,” Poppy said.

I wrote everything down in my phone, nodding and listening as they continued to discuss. It was really enlightening and interesting, and it was nice to learn about how Nami had grown up.

The next morning I met Nami there again – way too early in the morning. I was so tired I needed coffee.

“Sorry,” she greeted, not even saying anything before offering that comfort.

“It’s alright,” I yawned, “What am I in for this morning?”

“Torah, of course!” Nami said happily, “Come on.”

There were more prayers and singing that I didn’t understand, but also reading from their Torah, which was beautiful, ornate, and huge. They read that in Hebrew, too, and I just listened to the poetic sounds of the words, amazed at how I had no idea what was going on – but I felt connected to everything anyway.

We then met with more of Nami’s congregation members, talking and laughing as we ate lunch, with people discussing and debating the Torah portion for that week – even though I had no idea what it was, they still managed to talk about it and eagerly discuss, and eventually I caught up with the story as I listened.

“So, do you think you know what you’ll write about?” Nami asked as we walked back to campus together.

“Yeah I do – do you?” I offered.

“I’m not sure. You kind of gave me less to go on,” Nami laughed, “I’m hoping to learn more about you and what you believe tonight.”

“By watching me goof off with my friends,” I snorted.

“Well, that’s what you saw me do, didn’t you?”

“Fair point,” I frowned, “You weren’t really goofing off, though.”

“It’s still fun, to me, anyway,” Nami paused, “I’m a Jewish Studies major. Well, double major. That’s why I’m in philosophy, I need to take a few philo classes.”

“What is your other major?” I asked.

“Geology,” Nami grinned, “I like studying fossils.”

“Really?” I gasped in surprise.

“Course!” Nami paused, “I appreciate the ancient, whether it’s Torah, or the ancient fossil ancestors of Avialae, or just those weird mammal relatives from before the Great Dying.”

“That’s so neat,” I exclaimed, “We should talk about that more.”

“Heh, alright,” Nami nodded.

“You seem more cheerful than when we met,” I offered as we stepped back on campus, heading towards my dorm.

“Well, Shabbos is my time,” Nami explained, “Time just to myself.”

“Yeah,” I frowned, but I didn’t push it.

Which, of course, didn’t sit well in my stomach.

“Ey! You must be Nami!” Mik greeted as we went inside.

“Hola!” Nikko greeted.

“Hi,” Nami said shyly, sitting down in a corner. She was easily the smallest person there. Tuoma was there too, and her friend Qindo, who was a Champsosaurus.

“Setha’s told us so much about you!” Mik grinned. I hit him with my tail.

“Right, I’m Mik, I’m Setha’s friend since we were like, freshly hatched,” Mik began, “This is Nikko, a dork from Mexico –“

Nikko swore a long string of angry Spanish words in response.

“Tuoma, our other friend from Biology –“

“Hi,” Tuoma greeted cheerfully.

“And Qindo, who is also new –“

“They’re weird, I’ve been here five seconds and I’ve determined this –“

“What are your majors?” Nami asked nervously.

“I’m premed,” Mik paused, “So is Tuoma.”

“I’m going to go into genetics,” Nikko said.

“I’m an English major,” Qindo explained.

“And you know I’m physics,” I offered needlessly.

“Ah, I’m Jewish Studies and Geology,” Nami paused, “Qindo, do you know a Bradycneme named Coyle?”

“Ugh, him? He’s a dick,” Qindo said immediately.

I groaned softly.

“Uh… he’s my boyfriend,” Nami said.

“Oh. Um. Uh,” Qindo looked like they wanted to melt into the floor.

“Anyway!” Mik said, “Have you ever had edibles, Nami?”

“I… what?” Nami asked, laughing weakly as we all sat around the dorm.

“You know, pot brownies, that sort of thing,” Tuoma offered.

“Oh I – no? I have never had pot of any sort,” Nami said, looking embarrassed.

“This should be interesting,” I giggled as we all took some from the plate Qindo was holding. Mik then put in Dinorio Bros as Nami stared out into the distance, just chewing on the brownie.

“I should probably have asked if this is Kosher,” Nami said softly.

“Oh fuck, I’m sorry,” I groaned, “I should have thought of that.”

“Eh, it’s alright,” Nami sighed.

“I’m pretty sure it is?” Tuoma grimaced, “I didn’t… think of it. Sorry Nami.”

“Not your fault, just mine. I forget to check sometimes,” Nami shook her head.

We sat around and let it set in, me reaching that lovely euphoric state I looked forward to every week. Nami perked up considerably as it hit her, and we all started shouting at each other and playing games, laying and being ridiculous as we failed spectacularly. We weren’t good at the game high, or anything. It was just fun to be terrible – as a group.

From then on, Nami joined us every week, because she just lied to Coyle and said that she was doing stuff with her shul. She started personally preparing the brownies, and none of us minded – in fact, she was better at it than Tuoma. We got an A on our project (which ended up being an elaborate discussion of the perceptions of God and the similarities between agnostic and Jewish thought) and I even managed to pass Philosophy despite having never, not once, paid attention during lecture.

Even though I still found Nami beautiful – both inside and out – I didn’t really get to see her except Saturday evenings. We weren’t majoring in the same thing, so we didn’t really take any classes together past that point, and even though I think she knew how the rest of us thought of her boyfriend, she didn’t break up with him.

So I dated a few other girls - including Tuoma, for a bit, though we broke up amicably – but never really stayed with any of them.

“Yo Setha!”

“Yeah, Mik?” I asked, looking up from my project. We were juniors, now, and I was doing a lot of research with one of the professors on optics and electromagnetism.

“Look man, we should take a class next semester – the whole group,” Mik offered.

“All of us?” I asked in surprise.

“Yeah!” Mik paused, “Cause look – there’s this class on Dinopology, the history of the evolution and culture of Dinosaurs – shouldn’t we do that?”

“I mean, Qindo might object,” I snorted.

“Qindo can suck it, come on, it’s an intro class that none of us have taken – not even Nami! Let’s do it!” Mik said eagerly.

“You know full well Nami won’t be allowed to do that without Coyle,” I snarled.

“Wow, you haven’t even tried to seem like you approve, have you?” Mik laughed.

“Do I have to, really?” I paused, “At least when she isn’t here.”

“No, I guess not. I just kind of… I dunno. At least he isn’t physically hurting her or anything,” Mik sighed.

“Yeah, but come on, Mik,” I paused, “You see how she is with us – after a full day of being with her shul, and then with us, and not seeing Coyle at all – versus seeing her randomly in the week. She’s a completely different person.”

“I know,” Mik sighed, “But we’ve gone over it a thousand times. She won’t tell us why she’s with him, she won’t break up with him, and there’s nothing really we can do about it, without ensuring that she won’t even be able to hang out with us the small amount that she does.”

“Yeah,” I groaned, “I guess. But count me in for Dinopology.”

“Excellent,” Mik grinned.

Nikko and Tuoma were automatically on board, and Qindo’s reaction was essentially “Might as well learn how you people think, I guess.”

“I dunno,” Nami sighed as she got to the dorm on Saturday, pulling out brownies from her bag.

“Come on, it’s not like Coyle is a double Jewish Studies and Geology major,” Qindo said, their mouth filled with a large mammal steak we had cooked earlier.

“Yeah, you can’t have taken every class together,” Tuoma nodded.

“We want you with us! It won’t be the same without you,” Nikko begged.

“Please? We had so much fun in Philosophy together,” I said.

Nami looked at me sadly, “I can try. He just kind of insists that we take all the electives together, since we can’t take major classes together.”

“Well you should ask tomorrow! Then text Setha or someone,” Mik paused, “The rest of us should sign up for sure. Please do ask to morrow, Nams, registration is this week.”

“I will, I will. It definitely fits into my schedule, weirdly enough,” Nami paused, “Nikko, what are you doing?”

Nikko had decided to attempt to balance my stuffed animals on his head.

“… No sé,” Nikko admitted, his speech very slowed down.

“Oh no,” Tuoma giggled.

“Someone keep him away from sharp objects,” I grinned.

The next morning, as I attempted to work through the haze of a morning hangover and finish up my report, I got a text.

Coyle says that I can take it as long as he takes it with us…

I sighed. Better than nothing, I supposed.

Sure, I responded, We should probably know him better, I guess.

You can’t tell him about our weekends, Nami immediately responded, I just told him I knew all of you from classes and such.

Well, I quickly typed back, That’s not a… total lie?

Just what I thought. Thanks Setha. You’re always so understanding about this.

I gulped quietly.

And so guilty about that understanding.

Yeah, ‘course. I’ll let everyone else know.

“Fuck that!” Qindo said, literally calling me after I texted them.

“I know, but –“

“Come on, Setha, you more than anyone would be pissed about this!”

“Of course I am, but I’d rather Nami get to enjoy something with her friends for once! Geez, Qindo!” I shouted back.

“I’m with that dick in all my other classes, and this isn’t even something I’m interested in!”

“Look, we’ll all take a class you want first semester next year, and Coyle will not be allowed to come, how’s that?”

“Fine,” Qindo sighed, “Fine. You all owe me.”

I had never really had to interact with Coyle before – in Philosophy, I just kept sitting with Renee more often than not – so I really didn’t know what I was in for as I entered the large lecture hall the first day of the next semester.

“Hello,” Coyle greeted, in a gruff, angry voice.

“Hi,” Tuoma greeted cheerfully.

“I recognize some of you,” Coyle looked at Mik critically, who he definitely would have missed seeing in a class, “So you’ve all taken classes with Nami?”

“Yup,” Mik answered immediately, “I took a geology elective.”

Nami nodded, “I told you that, Coyle.”

“Yes,” Coyle said slowly, “So why Dinopology?”

“It’s an elective we can all take?” Qindo said sternly.

“Right,” Coyle sneered, sitting with us. The professor started talking about the subject and I took notes quietly, seething that this complete dick was with us.

“For the first week of class, I want you to pair up and work on a presentation on the origin of Dinosaurs…”

Of course, Coyle paired with Nami, but at least she was having a class with us for once.

“I just want to pry her away from his single fingered, grubby hands,” Mik sneered as we all watched a movie during the week, Nami of course not there.

“I want to smash his cabeza into his cuerpo. Cabròn,” Nikko hissed.

“Nikko, take a deep breath,” Tuoma soothed, nuzzling her head against his. They had started dating only a few weeks ago.

“Seriously though, the boy is infuriating,” Mik growled, “Maybe me and Xin could go and teach him a lesson.”

“You and your Tarbosaurus boyfriend attacking him sounds wonderfully appealing,” Qindo sighed dreamily.

“Any move we make will just make him reign in his control more. The two live together,” I sighed, “There really isn’t an option.”

Mik looked at me in annoyance, “Why are you like this?”

“What are you on about?”

“We’ve been friends with Nami for two fucking years and you are still just as in love – no, MORE in love – with her as you were when you first saw her!”

“Leave me alone!”

“But you won’t do anything to save her from this situation!”

“She doesn’t love me back, so it doesn’t matter, you douchecanoe,” I hissed.

“So you’re saying the only reason to save her from a terrible relationship is, so you could be with her?” Tuoma asked angrily.

“That doesn’t seem like love,” Qindo said quietly.

I growled, “That’s not what I meant – “

“It sounds like what you meant!” Mik roared, “Setha, I can’t believe you!”

“It’s not what I meant at all – I mean – look,” I sighed heavily, “You’re right. That was a terrible thing to say. I didn’t mean it. I really didn’t. I just. Don’t want to risk having her get into an even worse situation because I intervened, or anyone intervened, and it didn’t go successfully. What I meant by what I said was just… I dunno. Maybe if I saw that she liked me back or something, I could try and use that as a reason for her to get herself out?” I offered.

Everyone relaxed considerably.

“I still think you should try regardless,” Mik grumbled.

I frowned, but focused on the movie.

Eventually we were given a huge project – a research one, where we had to study a topic in dinosaur evolution, and write a paper and make a presentation for the class – and we had to pair up with other people, so Nami and I worked together. Mik took Coyle, mainly because Mik wanted to find an excuse to eat him.

“No one would ever know, I’m telling you,” MIk insisted.

“Do not eat him, Mik!” Tuoma shrieked as I, Nikko, and Qindo cackled in the corner during the exchange.

I met with Nami during the week, us sitting in my dorm while Mik was out doing other things.

“So, what do you want to do for the project?” I asked, flipping through the pages of the book.

“I don’t know,” Nami sighed, “I’m so tired.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” I looked up from the book, frowning at Nami sadly.

“No,” Nami shook her head, “Let’s just pick a topic.”

“How about the evolution of Avialans? You know that really well cause of your major,” I offered.

“Eh,” Nami groaned, “Yeah, I do, but consider: I know it too well.”

I laughed appreciatively, “How about the evolution of Titanosaurs, then? Doubt anyone else will want to do that.”

“Sounds impossible,” Nami grinned, “I’m on board.”

I snorted and we got to work, compiling as many sources as we could. The project would be a long, drawn-out one, and take most of the rest of the semester, so we got to hang out alone a lot without worrying about Coyle.

“Okay but why would your favorite character be Neville!” Nami laughed.

“He has so much untapped potential!” I grinned, “He’s the most underrated character in Harry Potter –“

“But Hermione!” Nami insisted, “An Avialan Icon!”

“Hermione is great! A pure rolemodel! Adorable! Not as great as Neville!” I grinned.

“What kind of Lesbian are you –“

“A perfectly good one, thank you very much!”

Of course, we saw completely eye to eye on other pieces of media we both loved.

“The most infuriating part of Star Wars,”  I said as we took a break from examining fossil evidence charts, “Is that everything in episode three is completely avoidable.”

“SHE JUST HAD TO GO TO AN EGG DOCTOR!” Nami shrieked.

“That’s all she had to do!” I agreed.

“Then they would have actually kept track of her condition!” Nami nodded.

“Made sure she was healthy!”

“Focused on the important things!”

“Maybe even,” I fake gasped, “Tell Obi-Wan!”

“Oh no, such logic is impossible for Anakin and Padme!” Nami snorted, “How far Padme had fallen…”

“She was such a good character before three ruined her,” I agreed, “On the Clone Wars, especially.”

“Oh don’t bring that up,” Nami groaned, “I still get mad about how that show makes me feel worse about Order 66 –“

We also discussed, well, non-media related things as well.

“I hate that Nikko doesn’t have enough accommodations,” Nami sighed.

“What do you mean?” I asked, looking up from the powerpoint we were working on.

“I mean…” Nami frowned at me, “I mean, he’s got a bad leg, right? He should have easier ways to get to classrooms and stuff, but this school is terrible at large-sized elevators.”

“You’re right,” I sighed, “I never really… thought about that. Since he hardly ever, you know, talks about it?”

“We should do something about it,” Nami offered.

“Like what?” I asked.

“Write to the school! Raise awareness! We really aren’t disability friendly at all!” Nami demanded.

“When are we going to do that, miss maximum-load-of-classes?” I offered.

“Um… at some point,” Nami admitted.

“We should, I agree,” I paused, “We’ll talk to the others about it on Saturday.”

The night before the project was due, she had been spending more time with me than with Coyle, and she acted like it – much more confident, much happier, much more excited about, well, everything.

“Nams?” I asked tiredly as we worked late into the night, piles of papers around us as we composed a large paper.

“Yeah?” she looked at me, her eyes drooping with sleepiness.

“Why do you stay with Coyle?” I murmured.

Nami sighed deeply, “I suppose I should tell you the story, I guess.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” I quickly offered.

“No, I want to,” Nami closed her laptop and stared at me for a long time.

“I dated this guy in high school. His… name was Olne,” Nami paused, “He was an Elopteryx. A troodont.”

“Okay,” I nodded.

“We were… I really loved him,” Nami was crying now, “I really, really loved him.”

“What happened to him?” I asked softly.

“He got into a car crash,” Nami drew in a shaking breath, “Didn’t live very long afterwards.”

“I’m so sorry, Nams,” I whispered.

“He was so sweet. And nice. Like you, really,” Nami paused, “I mean, he liked the same things as you. He was nicer than you are.”

I stuck my tongue out at her, which made her laugh.

“But… Coyle was his best friend. He was so upset after what happened. We just kind of… fell in together, because, well, we both knew what the other was going through,” Nami sighed, “He was so… scared of everything after that. He got overprotective. Constantly worried, since we’re in a new country and everything, that the unknown will cause something to hurt me.”

“That’s… not what I was expecting,” I admitted.

“He’s very mean, I know,” Nami paused, “And… controlling. But his heart’s in the right place.”

“Except you’ve been living here for two years, Nams,” I paused, “And you… I dunno. You’ve adjusted really well. You can take care of yourself.”

Nami sighed heavily.

“And you don’t… seem to be in love with him,” I muttered quietly.

Nami looked up and stared at me critically, “No, I don’t.”

“Then?”

“I’m not sure how he’ll react,” Nami paused, “And I have no where to live. And he’s a reminder of home”

“You can crash with me!” I offered eagerly.

Nami laughed, “Are you sure? Mik takes up a lot of room.”

“I’m used to Mik,” I said dismissively, “He’s basically my brother.”

“Very true,” Nami paused, “Thank you for being understanding, Setha. I’ll think about it”

“Of course,” I agreed, “It’s up to you, obviously. And I understand not wanting to give up a reminder of home. Why do you think I put up with Mik?”

Nami laughed appreciatively, and we got back to work.  

We turned in our paper the next day and delivered our presentation, and it was one of the best ones of the class. Nami looked so happy, and confident, that I was shocked to not see her that Saturday at our weekly hang.

“Maybe I should text her?” I asked softly.

“I’ll do it,” Mik sighed, “If nothing else, I think Coyle ‘trusts’ me now.”

Qindo growled softly.

Mik texted quietly as we all sat around, staring at each other worriedly.

An hour went by without a response, and our worry only grew.

“This is my fault,” I groaned.

“What do you mean?” Tuoma asked.

“I mean – I encouraged her to break up with him. I shouldn’t have done that,” I cried.

“Look, we encouraged you to encourage him,” Mik said, “It’s all of our faults.”

“Definitely,” Qindo agreed.

“I know, but… I won’t be able to live with myself if…” I cried.

“If what?”

“He could be hurting her… like, physically,” I whispered.

Mik looked at his phone again – nothing.

“I’m going to their apartment,” he said softly.

“No, I’ll go,” I said, “If we need to emergency extract her, you’re the better choice for that; let me ruin any chance of me seeing her again.”

“Setha –“ Nikko said.

“Just, let me go,” I shook my head, “This is my mess.” I left the dorm in a rush and ran across the campus, running as fast as my fluffy legs could carry me. I even flapped my wings a little to get some slow-moving Alamosaurus to move out of the damn way.

I had to, eventually, just hop onto them and over them, to keep going towards the student housing apartments on the other side of campus, running through the small streets that reeked of weed and alcohol, running up some stairs to their small apartment.

I could hear shouting.

My heart clenched in my chest and I rammed my head roughly into the door.

“OPEN UP,” I screamed.

Coyle opened the door, glaring at me. He was covered in blood.

“You!” he shouted.

“Yeah, me, you dick,” I pushed him out of the way, “Did you hurt her?”

“No, she hurt me!” Coyle roared.

I looked around for Nami, and found her in the middle of the room, looking ruffled and angry. In fact, she was completely disheveled, but she didn’t look to be bleeding – but her claws were covered in blood.

“I told him – I told him I was leaving him – and he tried to… He tried to attack me so I fought back!” Nami hissed, “What, did you think these claws were just for Supreme Studying Techniques?”

I grinned in pure, utter pride.

“You bitch –“ Coyle hissed.

“Come at me again, I dare you,” Nami shouted. Coyle did, though, and he was bigger than her, so he pinned her down.

“HEY!” I shouted, but they both ignored me. Nami kicked at Coyle roughly, scratching at his stomach, making him scream in pain and back away.

“Eventually you’ll tire out!” Coyle hissed.

“Not before you run out of blood!” Nami snapped.

I didn’t want to see her get any more bruised and beaten, so I ran forward, shrieking at the top of my lungs. I pulled him off of her and held him back loosely, not drawing blood with my teeth.

“Let go of me you bitch!” Coyle roared.

Nami threw out another kick, more blood coming from him, and I dropped him on the floor.

“We’re done. I don’t need you, and Olne would be ashamed of you,” Nami snapped.

“You take that back!” Coyle demanded.

“No,” Nami paused, “I’ll be having Mik collect my things. Goodbye, Coyle.” We left the apartment together, Nami limping heavily.

“What did he do to you?” I asked quietly, horrified that she had gotten hurt at all.

“Ugh,” Nami sighed, “He tried to use his large size to overpower me. I think he broke my leg, maybe? But I could still kick, so I did.”

“I’m proud of you,” I said honestly. Nami laughed.

“Thank you for encouraging me to do that. I’ve wanted to… well, since we met, to be honest, but I never had the courage,” Nami sighed.

“Why did you want to when we met?” I asked, helping her walk by just straight up putting her on my back, walking slowly to the student health center.

“He was getting insufferable? Surely you noticed. I’m not… okay, I wasn’t… really about drugs but I joined you guys just to have some way to avoid him. I’m just. I was scared of him. He’s big and well, he has a lot of emotional weight on me,” Nami sighed.

“Still, that’s just. An odd thing to say,” I sighed.

“I’ll tell you some time,” Nami explained, “Let’s just get me to a doctor, yeah?”

“We certainly shouldn’t let Tuoma and Mik practice on you,” I laughed. Nami laughed with me, as we went together to the center. She did have a slight fracture, but it was easily patched up.

She moved in with me and Mik and it was wonderful – and honestly, Coyle was way too afraid of Mik to try anything.

“To Nami’s freedom!” Nikko cheered the first weekday we actually all got to hang out together.

“To Coyle’s butt being kicked! Literally!” Tuoma cheered.

“To never having to look at Coyle’s stupid face again!” Mik laughed.

“Unless it’s to kick it!” Nami giggled.

“HUZZAH!” I cheered.

We all clinked together our glasses of wine and laughed, drinking and cheering together about the beauty of this latest development.

“So what do you want to do with your newfound freedom, Nami?” Qindo asked.

“I want to figure out who I am without the dick,” Nami said honestly. Mik laughed loudly and Tuoma clapped.

“But besides that, what I really want is to just be happy,” Nami paused, “I think being with him kept me in a shadow for… all of college. I haven’t been able to move past my past.”

“Well, we’ll help you any way we can,” I said happily.

“Any way?” Nami asked, grinning at me.

“What are you asking?” I snorted.

“Never mind,” Nami paused, “Let’s play some rock band?”

“Oh no,” Mik groaned.

“Oh yes!” Nikko cheered.

“I love watching you being completely unable to do anything!” Tuoma giggled.

“This isn’t fair –“

“Mik, you’re the largest predator on the planet, you don’t get to talk about what isn’t fair,” I grinned.

“Setha, you’re a dick.”

“Thank you!”

Nami was laughing more than I had ever seen her do, and the sight just gave me hope and joy. She was free, and she was happy, and that dick would never hurt her again.

Senior year we all got a large house together off campus, but Nami and I were the first to move in – Mik was off volunteering in some of the poorer countries, giving health care to people who really needed it; Nikko and Tuoma were on vacation at the Nemegt; and Qindo was still working their crappy summer job at home.

“Hey Setha?” Nami asked as I put up my posters in my room.

“Yeah Nams?” I answered, looking over at her and getting flustered as I always did when I looked at her beautiful, adorable green face.”

“Um. Can I talk to you?” Nami looked rather flustered herself.

“Sure,” I agreed, stepping down and cocking my head to the side, “What’s up?”

“Er, so you wondered. Back in the spring. About how I knew I wanted to break up with him from the moment I met you?” Nami asked.

“Yeah?” I said, what a strange thing to bring up.

“Er… well, okay,” Nami laughed nervously, “This is really hard for me to say, because, um, I’m still in… a weird headspace. After Coyle.”

“Of course,” I frowned.

“Er… you see… I think you’re really cute,” Nami admitted. I felt myself flush in amazement.

“You… do?”

“Yeah,” Nami said, now talking very fast, “Yeah, you see, well, I thought you were really pretty, and I love how brown your feathers are, and I watched you in class and the way your feathers would perk up whenever you saw something you actually cared about on the computer, and well, I was really excited to see it was you that I was working with, but I didn’t want you to know because I knew Coyle would like, not approve of me having friends, because who can trust these Americans right, so I just pretended to not like you, but then you were so respectful and kind and thoughtful at shul, and I was like, I have to hang out with her more, and it was so nice to have somewhere to go and someone to hang out with every weekend who wasn’t from shul, and I just had so much fun with you, and you were always so nice to talk to, and so pretty, and I just. Wow. I’m rambling, I’m sorry,” Nami said.

“Don’t be!” I said, my heart pounding loudly.

“Um, so yeah, I think you’re pretty, and funny, and smart, and interesting to talk to, and you can be nice, but you’re really brave, and yeah,” Nami rambled, “Um… I like you.”

“I like you too,” I said immediately.

“You do?” Nami breathed.

“Dude, the first time I saw you I was just, fascinated by you, and how beautiful you were, and I was so curious about everything you are, and when we talked and went to your shul you were so sweet and thoughtful and you just want the best for everyone, and hanging out with you was so great and I was so glad you wanted to, and I just – yeah,” I stopped, feeling embarrassed.

Nami’s four curved claws were all tapping together in happy unison.

“I just, think you’re really beautiful, and wonderful, and I’m happy we’re friends, and I’m happy you’re in my life,” I said firmly.

“I’m happy you’re in my life too,” Nami paused, “Because eyou’re really beautiful, and wonderful, and a great friend, and, well, I wouldn’t have stayed with Coyle forever, but you definitely helped me get out of that… faster.”

“Thank God,” I said honestly. Nami laughed softly.

“Well… um… do you wanna…” Nami paused.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” I asked immediately. Nami nodded eagerly and I bounced with excitement, my floof going every which way as I did so.

“We should go on a date,” Nami said eagerly.

“We should,” I paused, “First… can I… nuzzle you?”

“Oh!” Nami looked embarrassed and flushed again, her feathers all sorts of directions, “Yes! Yes please!”

I leaned down to her and gently nuzzled her, pressing my snout into hers. She felt nice and soft and fluffy, and she smelled like the fruit they ate at her shul, and I couldn’t help but giggle. She giggled too, and we pressed our noses together for a minute, before pulling away and laughing with each other.

“Well then,” I said.

“Yes,” Nami grinned.

“Wanna go see a movie?” I asked.

“Ooh yes!” she agreed, and we walked out of the house together, laughing and talking about nothing in particular –

And we have made each other infinitely happy since.  

[fevie168]

Saturday (March 4): Jesus calls sinners to follow him

Gospel Reading:   Luke 5:27-32

7 After this he went out, and saw a tax collector, named Levi, sitting at the tax office; and he said to him, "Follow me." 28 And he left everything, and rose and followed him. 29 And Levi made him a great feast in his house; and there was a large company of tax collectors and others sitting at table with them. 30 And the Pharisees and their scribes murmured against his disciples, saying, "Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?" 31 And Jesus answered them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."

Old Testament Reading: Isaiah 58:9-14

9 Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, Here I am.  "If you take away from the midst of you the yoke, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, 10 if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. 11 And the LORD will guide you continually, and satisfy your desire with good things, and make your bones strong;  and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters fail not. 12 And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;  you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in. 13 "If you turn back your foot from the sabbath, from doing your pleasure on my holy day, and call the sabbath a delight and the holy day of the LORD honorable;  if you honor it, not going your own ways, or seeking your own pleasure, or talking idly; 14 then you shall take delight in the LORD, and I will make you ride upon the heights of the earth;  I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father, for the mouth of the LORD has spoken."

Meditation: When your neighbor stumbles through sin or ignorance, do you point the finger to criticize or do you lend a helping hand to lift him or her up? The prophet Isaiah tells us that God repays each in kind. When we bless others, especially those who need spiritual as well as physical and material help, God in turn blesses us.

Who do you point the finger at? When Jesus called a despised tax collector to be his disciple he surprised everyone including Levi (also known as Matthew). The religious leaders were especially upset with Jesus' behavior towards public sinners like Levi. The Jewish  people were roughly divided into two groups: the orthodox Jews who rigidly kept the law and all its petty regulations, and the rest who didn't keep all the minute regulations. The orthodox treated the latter like second class citizens. They scrupulously avoided their company, refused to do business with them, refused to give or receive anything from them, refused to intermarry, and avoided any form of friendship with them, including table fellowship. Jesus' association with the latter, especially with tax collectors and public sinners, shocked the sensibilities of these orthodox Jews.

A true physician of body, mind, and soul When the Pharisees challenged Jesus unorthodox behavior in eating with public sinners, Jesus' defense was quite simple. A doctor doesn't need to treat healthy people - instead he goes to those who are sick. Jesus likewise sought out those in the greatest need. A true physician seeks healing of the whole person - body, mind, and spirit. Jesus came as the divine physician and good shepherd to care for his people and to restore them to wholeness of life.

The orthodox were so preoccupied with their own practice of religion that they neglected to help the very people who needed the greatest care. Their religion was selfish because they didn't want to have anything to do with people not like themselves. Jesus stated his mission in unequivocal terms: I came  not to call the righteous, but to call sinners. Ironically the orthodox were as needy as those they despised. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Do you thank the Lord for the great mercy he has shown to you? And do you seek the good of all your neighbors and show them mercy and kindness?

Leave all and follow Christ What does it mean to "leave all and follow the Lord"? Bede the Venerable (673-735 AD), an Anglo-Saxon monk who wrote numerous commentaries on the Scriptures, explains what it meant for Matthew and for us to "follow" as disciples of the Lord Jesus:

"By 'follow' he meant not so much the movement of feet as of the heart, the carrying out of a way of life. For one who says that he lives in Christ ought himself to walk just as he walked, not to aim at earthly things, not to pursue perishable gains, but to flee base praise, to embrace willingly the contempt of all that is worldly for the sake of heavenly glory, to do good to all, to inflict injuries upon no one in bitterness, to suffer patiently those injuries that come to oneself, to ask God’s forgiveness for those who oppress, never to seek one's own glory but always God's, and to uphold whatever helps one love heavenly things. This is what is meant by following Christ. In this way, disregarding earthly gains, Matthew attached himself to the band of followers of One who had no riches. For the Lord himself, who outwardly called Matthew by a word, inwardly bestowed upon him the gift of an invisible impulse so that he was able to follow."

Are you ready to forsake all for the Lord Jesus Christ?

"Lord Jesus, our Savior, let us now come to you: Our hearts are cold; Lord, warm them with your selfless love. Our hearts are sinful; cleanse them with your precious blood. Our hearts are weak; strengthen them with your joyous Spirit. Our hearts are empty; fill them with your divine presence. Lord Jesus, our hearts are yours; possess them always and only for yourself."  (Prayer of Augustine, 354-430)

Psalm 86:1-6

1 Incline your ear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. 2 Preserve my life, for I am Godly; save your servant who trusts in you.  You are my God; 3 be gracious to me, O Lord, for to you do I cry all the day. 4 Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. 5 For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call on you. 6 Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer; hearken to my cry of supplication.

A Daily Quote for Lent: Our All-powerful Physician, by Augustine of Hippo, 354-430 AD

"Our wound is serious, but the Physician is all-powerful. Does it seem to you so small a mercy that, while you were living in evil and sinning, he did not take away your life, but brought you to belief and forgave your sins? What I suffer is serious, but I trust the Almighty. I would despair of my mortal wound if I had not found so great a Physician." (excerpt from Sermon 352, 3)