#the last friday the 13th in october was back in 2017 i believe

[gaywormiez]

happy friday the 13th everypony

[his-winter-rose]

One of my many hardships (super long post i apologise)

So, I think it’s high time I express something that happened to me back in 2016. October 13-18th to be exact. Again, I apologise that it’s going to be very long by the time i’ve got my thoughts and everything in. So... here it goes.

Let’s start from the beginning. Of course.

Thursday October 13th, 2016- I was sitting in the art room as usual, with my friend LB. I don’t remember what brought it up, but she turned to me, and ripped into me about how I like J, how it’s wrong and an “unhealthy obsession”. I didn’t say anything to her, I just got up and walked out. Because if I stayed, I would have knocked her out. So instead, I walked all the way across the school to the farthest bathroom, and punched the wall before breaking down crying. I didn’t talk to her for the rest of the day. However, I brought it up with her later that night, asking why she did it. She got super pissed at me, but again I don’t know what was said.

Friday October 14th, 2016- After the evening fight through messages, naturally once we got to school, we weren’t on speaking terms. I had geography second period that day, and she didn’t sit beside me as she always does. At one point, J made a comment “it looks like no one wants to sit next to you L. Are you being a good classmate? Are you being a good friend?” I laughed it off, so he wouldn’t see how much that actually hurt me. At the end of the lesson, E asked me what was going on between LB and myself, but I just glanced at J, murmured “it doesn’t matter” and walked out. Nothing else happened for that day.

The weekend passed as usual without us talking, and then Monday arrives...

Monday October 17th, 2016- I got to school with the knowledge that LB wasn’t going to talk to me. What I wasn’t prepared for, is what happened at break 1... U and S pulled me into the locker bay beside where we would always sit and eat at break times, and they talked about this fight I was having with LB. They practically forced me to go out and talk to LB. I stood in front of her, while U said “LB, L ha something she wants to say” “I don’t know what I want to say” i murmured absently. LB then ripped into me for the second time. “I hate seeing you depressed because of a teacher! I want to fucking kill myself because of you! You have an unhealthy obsession that needs to stop! How am I supposed to react when my friend likes a teacher?!” That’s only a few of the things she screamed at my face. I just looked on, all emotion drained from my body. U then forced us to go into the classroom nearby and ‘talk it out’, basically  forcing LB and I in there. We were in there for maybe 20 seconds before I lost my composure, breaking down right there and then. I basically collapsed to the floor while sobbing “I never wanted to have feelings for him! I’m sorry...” but I was apologising more to myself than her. And so seeing me in this weakened state, that fucking bitch thought she could get back in my good books, by sitting beside me and comforting me. If I had been able to think, I would not have let her near me. But I was weak, and couldn’t do much but cry into my arms. After awhile, we walked out and headed down to Geography which just happened to be the subject I had after break that day. I surely must have looked like shit, but J didn’t say anything, just acted as he usually does The rest of the day went by without much more drama. However I wasn’t prepared for the next day...

Tuesday October 18th, 2016- The first two classes of the day had gone by normally, though LB wasn’t at school. But I had expected that. However, once again, break 1 came around and everything turned to shit. I was up where I eat my lunch, when Mrs R, the assistant principal was walking past me. “Oh, L! come with me to my office, I want to speak to you” “alrighty” I said cheerfully, but was instantly nervous. When we got to her office, I commented “this is the first time i’ve been in here, should I be scared?” “why should you be scared?” “I don’t know I’m asking you” she laughed at that and told me to take a seat. “so, you’re here partially because of a health and safety concern that i’m sure you’re aware of” Mrs R started, and right then it hit me. Someone told senior management what LB had said about wanting to kill herself because of me. I nodded in response to her comment, and so she continued. “what do you post on your facebook page?” “er usually stuff I see that I like” I said in a confused tone, like why was she asking about that?. “What about that pregnancy thing you posted?” “what- oh that. i don’t know I was like oh let’s do this because i’m bored” “and what you commented?” “what did I... I don’t remember what I said” I frowned. it was from like 2 years prior to this day. Smiling to take the sting out of her words, she said “don’t play games with me L, that’s honestly the one thing I hate” “i honestly do not remember what I said” “something about knowing who the dad would be?”. At that point I was thinking ‘what the fuck seriously you stalked my facebook account? Ever heard of a thing called privacy? And how the hell did you find that in the first place? Or if I was meaning who i know she’s hinting at’. “I honestly don’t even remember that” I said calmly, because it’s true. “So, I understand you have a bit of a crush on Mr W” she changed the topic slightly. “yeah” I nodded and murmured, not trying to deny it because even though she asked, I know she knew the answer. She was testing to see if I would lie or not. “I’m glad you’re being honest, I have to give you that” I just smiled the slightest and nodded, going into a more distant, mute state. Mrs R launched into a lecture about how that post could have been hinting I was having sex with J and all this other shit even though that wasn’t even on my mind whenever I made that post in probably like 2015 pfft. Instead, I just put myself into a state where I nod, say “yeah” and “I understand”. She was saying the whole “this needs to stop” thing, and something like “if it was the other way around where he liked you, would it be inappropriate?” but it wasn’t worded that way, she said it in a confusing way which I answered “yeah” but she was like “no it wouldn’t” “kidding, i misheard the question” “yeah, you misheard the question” she chuckled, before continuing. “you two could never be alone, someone would have to be in the classroom with you at all times. And if anything were to happen, in the end he is in the position of authority and both of you would get into big trouble” “yeah I know...” i murmured, while thinking ‘do you seriously think I don’t fucking know this already?’ But I was so vacant and numb by that point it was like my soul had actually abandoned my body. She went on to say how he’s old enough to be my dad blah blah blah and meanwhile she handed me a nearby box of tissues, since my eyes were watering but was trying my damn hardest not to cry. The next words she said, made me freeze momentarily. “Do I need to call mum?” “please don’t” I said in such a weak pleading voice, while shaking my head. ‘Fuck no, anything but that. I’m fucked if my parents get involved. It’s bad enoug LB will have gone to her mother about everything. “okay, I won’t. But you have to promise me that you’ll stop this, because the thoughts you have aren’t the most appropriate”. Boy did my mind start up then ‘Oh for fucks sake you have no fucking idea what I think! I don’t always just think of getting with him! Can’t I just fucking think of him normally?! According you you, apparently fucking not’. Mrs R continued “you’re a brilliant girl L, but this needs to stop” “yeah I know...” I said to her, while wondering how I hadn’t broken down by that point. “everyone makes mistakes” “...and they learn from them” finished. “Exactly, that’s right. Now, do you want me to organise a meeting with the guidance counselor?” “sure...” I stupidly said. “Okay, i’ll speak to her after this. And anything said there is confidential she won’t tell me or anyone unless you want her to”. I just nodded in response, and she stood up. “come here” she said softly, so i stood up and she pulled me into a hug, which made me let out a few tears, a sign of me breaking, but not completely. Mrs R then asked what subjects I was going to be taking for 2017 so that I could “tell my friends that’s what we were talking about” because they’d toootally believe I spent 20mins in her office talking about that. After taking a breath, I walked out of her office and up to where my bag was still sitting. The last couple of minutes of break I spent quiet, not eating because that’s the last thing I wanted to do.

So after break I had English. Mrs WS picked up that I wasn’t in a good mood, and asked if I was alright. I just shook my head and looked down. Then the guidance counselor, Mrs WI, walked in and tapped me on the shoulder, asked me to bring my things and go with her to her office. Once we arrived, we sat down and I saw for the first time just how much I was shaking. As soon as she started speaking, I was fighting back tears. “now believe me, I’ve dealt with this sort of thing many times before and i’ve heard everything, so don’t be afraid to say what you need to” “easier said than done...” I muttered. “Now, Mr W knows you like him, is that alright?” “yeah...? I frowned, because of how she said that as a question like uhm i’m the one who told him but it’s not like I can erase that knowledge now. “but that doesn’t change anything? you can both act normally around each other like always. He doesn’t act differently around you from other students does he?” “no” ‘i’m not about to tell you that i potentially overthink anything that happens with him’. I don’t remember all the conversation, but at a point she asked “So, what is it you like about Mr W? Is it his looks? I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised.” “A little bit. I mean I will admit he is good looking... but it’s mostly his personality because it in a way... reminds me of myself...? Sorry, i’m just not used to talking about this...”. I don’t remember her response, but something she asked just after that was “you haven’t done anything to hurt yourself because of these feelings, have you?” “no. I would never” I lied straight through my fucking teeth. In that exact moment I was avoiding not leaning on my arms because of cuts that were stinging so much... A few more things were said before she offered to go get one of my friends. I asked for R, who was in my english class. Mrs WI left to go get her, and they soon returned. R walked in, and Mrs WI left to let us talk. I spent about 5 minutes just crying on R’s shoulder, before we started talking about random things. probably 10mins passed, before the guidance counselor poked her head in and said the bell was about to ring, so we needed to head back to class. We left quietly and then some other drama happened with a friend putting her hip out so R went to go be with her, and by that time the bell went. And what subject did I get to have? Geography with J. It was the last thing I wanted. I walked down to class, told J that R probably wouldn’t be in class and I had to go get her books, and all that was said in a rushed, blunt tone and he only had time to say a flustered “okay, thanks” before I was gone. Once I returned to the class, I ignored J completely and turned cold towards him, which he picked up on quite quickly, but didn’t dare ask me about it. Once the lesson was finished, I said a quick “thanks”, got one in return from J and I got out there as fast as I could. Maths was my last subject and my teacher picked up on the fact that I wasn’t good, and hugged me multiple times. But nothing else happened for the remainder of the day.

THE END.

So that’s one of the most impacting things that have happened to me. My now ex-friend, telling me that i made her want to kill herself, is something that will stay with me for a long time, if not forever. it’s something I can never forgive her for doing, especially with the mental scar it’ll have on me. But anyway, if anyone reads up until this very end point, thank you... it took some courage to get myself to post this, but here we are... Again, thank you for reading, if you get to this point. xx

[u-r--lovely]

My Story In Seven Chapters: “Underneath The Marks”

Ch.1 Flowery Sheets

Sometimes late at night I’d pretend to fall asleep on the bottom of my mom and dad’s bed just so my dad could carry me in with his strong arms and warm heart. I remember my childhood as an old movie playing on the screen of a projector dropping in and out of my consciousness. Growing up in a large family I was often overlooked, and quiet, so if you could imagine it was easy for me to feel invisible. From a young age I’ve learned to pretend, to disconnect, to venture into a world of my own. I had imaginary friends who were fairies that followed me everywhere. I hid under books, and stuffed animals as my older brother shot up heroin and older sister got drunk in the upstairs attic.Cop cars lights were a common presence in my driveway but I didn’t mind because at least my brothers and sisters would be safe from the drugs that way.  On the hard days, I remember the flowery pink sheets I kept myself in, the silhouette of my own hand comforting my soul. I remember holding my bunny tight as my mom sang me Amazing Grace as I fell asleep. I remember begging my brother Jeremy to open the bathroom door when he was shooting up Heroin one time, and the day he stole my babysitting money for drugs. Then, came the day I asked where he was and my mom freaked out because she had forgotten about him and suddenly... he was gone. Actually gone. I was twelve and didn’t know much about death (I mean what twelve year old should), but I knew that he had been sick for a really long time and that he was finally finally free and that made me happy and sad at the same time.

Ch. 2  Scratchy Beards

When my dad told me he got sick with Cancer, I sort of thought it was okay because that meant he’d be at home more. That meant he would actually make us real dinners instead of having hot pockets every night and cold burnt spaghetti. Between the ages of twelve and fifteen I filled my life with making origami, twirling, and writing songs about pretty girls, fairy dust and sunshine. I hated when my dad came to my school because he had to carry around this huge oxygen tank with plastic wires creeping out of his nose, and I pretended I didn’t know him. I still feel bad about that to this day. The most iconic thing about my dad other then him being secretly gay (which I didn’t know about until now), was his scratchy beard and large tattooed forearm. I miss his hugs most of all, maybe that’s why hugging people feels wrong at times--no one’s hugs are quite like his were. My mom and dad left for Europe to seek alternative cancer treatment the last year he was alive. This just so happened to be when my sister got sober. As she was parenting her own baby boy out of wedlock, she also was supposed to be parenting me. In a flash of an instant,  me and all my siblings gathered around his hospital bed and sang Amazing Grace to his subconscious mind through the rumbling of the machines keeping him alive. Walking out of the ICU each of us said “see you later’ because we all knew it wasn’t goodbye. I guess, not really. On the Christmas morning before tenth grade,  he had left us and I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. I had told myself a few days before that if he didn’t call me beautiful one last time, then something just something was wrong with me. I knew exactly how I was going to change that.

Ch. 3 Safety Pins

I forgot to mention, that while my mom was saving my dads life in Europe I had decided to try to change my own, in the only way I knew how. I decided to stop being the good invisible quiet christian girl and become someone who was seen. At the time, I believed I just wanted to make friends, yah know..be a part of something-- but in a desperate need to distract myself from the losses I endured I had to find a way to become alive again. I self harmed for the first time at fifteen and didn’t think much of it, I thought it was cool and something other people in my friend group did. I didn’t know safety pins weren’t all that safe, I didn’t know hurting myself would become an addiction I’d struggle with for the next six years of my life. I thought that if people saw the pain on my body they could hear me asking for help. Even as I hid under long sleeves and smiles and laughter I started to feel the deeply distant darkness pull me away from myself. Even though I thought I didn’t want anyone to know about it, I felt as though I was screaming yet I wouldn’t allow any sound to come out.

Ch. 4 Porcelain Bowls

A few months after my dad died my mom ran off to Florida every weekend with her new but old boyfriend whom she had been with before my dad 30 years earlier. At the cost of losing my dad, and subsequently losing my mom, I found solace in toilet bowls and diet colas. My friends and I had sort of made a game of it, we’d talk about dieting and then talk about feeling bad for giving into the diets and then feel bad for feeling bad. What started off as a game between friends, began to become a dangerous game of Russian roulette. I remember high school as a blur of calories, cheese puffs, and washing my hands in sinks. I kissed boys that I pretended to like behind tennis courts and eventually began treatment for my eating disorder and self harm during my senior year of high school. I got better ( or so I thought), but beneath the perfect recovery girl I created, laid a deep fear of still not being seen, still not being heard.

Ch. 5 False Safety

I went to college and fell in love with a girl I didn’t pretend to love and went to therapy twice a week.This is a time in my life I like to call “False Safety” because although I felt somewhat okay, I was relying on others around me to take care of me, I never learned to do it myself. I ran around college from club to club pretending to be the recovered girl I thought I had to be, but others couldn’t see what was truly underneath. During therapy I was being seen and loved and everything felt okay... but outside of that small room I believed I was alone. I mean, I  thought things were better, and they were... yet I continued to run from the pain through self harm. I craved so much attention from my girlfriend that if I did not get to be her world, I felt I couldn’t be with her at all. I was so scared of her leaving me like my mom did, I left her before she got the chance too. Back when I was ten, I waited for hours and hours for my mom to pick me up at camp and as each car passed by  and it was not her my disappointment grew deeper. In my adulthood I learned to instead stop waiting for her--or anyone,  I decided to run away and never be found because then I wouldn’t have to face being abandoned.

Ch.6 The Pink Room

It was a month or so after the breakup and I hid behind doorways so I wouldn’t have to see her look away from me. I hid in bathrooms during panic attacks and cried into my cereal in the back of the cafeteria. My world stopped when my therapist told me she was moving (leaving me is what I heard). I had completely attached myself to her and I felt that the one person in my life that truly saw me was leaving. Leaving. People are always leaving me I thought. I decided to fill up the hole she left with alcohol in coffee cups and pills and more cuts and more fake smiles and more “recovery” articles and speaking engagements. It wasn’t enough. None of these things were ever really enough. In the week my therapist left me, I decided to get as drunk as I could and pretend to be happy and flirt with boys I didn’t know because that would make everything better right? I didn’t know the boy with black hair was seven years older than me. October 13th October 13th October 13th. I didn’t know he’d be so mean and when the drinking game got out of hand I didn’t have the capability to say yes or no. I didn’t know walking drunkenly into that pink room, he’d hurt me the way he did. It wasn’t rape, but it was terrifying, violent, awfully painful physically and emotionally.  He was a giant dog playing with a glass doll and he shattered me into a million pieces, he shattered my fake smile right off my face.

Ch. 7 Letting Love In

From October 2017 to May 2018, everything was a blur. A blur of multiple treatment programs for depression, anxiety, and the sexual assault. The Eating Disorder came back stronger and more powerful than ever and this time I was determined to run as far away as I could from that pink room and from the therapist that left me. After a week in the psych ward I thought I could get better on my own with the eating disorder, I thought that I could control my out-of-control-ness. In February 2018, I told my mom I was going to go to treatment, but would wait until Monday. Suddenly, I had a thought, an urge, a quiet voice in the back of my head telling me to go that Friday instead, which I did. I entered treatment for the millionth time and was quickly rushed to the ER for low potassium. It was late at night and no one in my family was picking up the phone. I was in an unknown ER, half asleep, half dead and I still didn’t feel sick enough. There was an IV stuck in my arm and doctors telling me my levels were life threateningly low and I still didn’t feel like I was ‘that bad’. I don’t know if I’d be alive right now, if God hadn’t told me to go that Friday. He truly saved my life. From that point on, I started listening to that quiet voice. A month or so of running from God, one suicide attempt and many family therapy sessions later I decided to go to Selah House. I finally decided to give up the demons that had become my identity. I decided to let love in again. I decided that I could only be free if I let myself be. I could only get better on God’s terms. I know now that I had to fight the ED, Depression, Self harm, PTSD, Anxiety, and Addiction with God by my side only. I know now that what went on in that pink room was not my fault, and I don’t have to be ashamed of it or put blame on myself in any way. Here at Selah is where I’ve found hope. Here, I’ve found healing. Here, I’ve found love. Love between God, others and myself. I know now that it was never actually about the food, the numbers, or the marks. I know that I have a future, a future of helping others heal in the same ways I did. A future full of laughter, crying, heartache, touch, and love. All of my life has really been what’s in between. In between moments of exhale, of tears running down my face, of dad hugs, and Real smiles. These things are all a part of my story but they are not at the core of who I really am.  My life was never meant to be a sad story because I’m not that girl anymore. I am healing, I am tough skin made of scars, I am endless nights crying and glorious mornings shining like nothing bad has ever happened. I am becoming free, becoming Real and I have so much yet to learn about the spaces in between.

[dovechim]

friday the 13th (m)

anonymous asked:

“I’m going to break you tonight.” Dom!Jimin - PLEASE OML I live for Dom!jimin ❤️

anonymous asked:

For smutty Jimin fics... I know it isn't one of the ones listed in part 4 - but this has been going through my head all day: "I’m going to break you tonight." Dom!Jimin slays me.

➾ 4/13 of jimin’s smutfest 2017

➾2.2k

You’re currently glaring across the room at Joy, who’s doubled over in laughter on her bed, and it doesn’t seem like it will stop any time soon. You’re beginning to feel a little insulted, actually, because it’s not even that funny, and what’s wrong with wearing a necklace with a cross on it to the club?

It is Friday the 13th in October, after all.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, it’s just- I can’t believe you’d wear that to the club,” Joy dabs carefully at her under eyes in order to catch any smears of mascara. “It just seems so… ironic, don’t you think? We’re gonna be making out with boys and slutting it up for them and all, do you really wanna have that on your conscience?” 

Joy doesn’t understand, is all. You’ve had a bad history with Friday the 13ths, and considering it doesn’t even happen all that often, you feel like it’s more than justified for you to take the necessary precautions. The last time you went out on this ill-fated date, you got robbed of all your valuables and stranded by the roadside, and while walking home you twisted your ankle and got splashed by a car that was speeding by.

“I mean, I just wanna stay safe, that’s all, I know you’re not superstitious or anything but it’s better to be safe than sorry,” you cross your arms over your chest, and this entire defending yourself thing is getting old, fast. “And wait- I’m not gonna be ‘slutting’ it up!”

“Not even if there’s a hot guy breathing down your neck ready to fuck you into next year?”

You wave her away nonchalantly. “Maybe, as long as they’re not gross and creepy. Sometimes I can’t even get myself to cum, so how can some guy I’ve only just met do any better?”

Joy only shrugs as she grabs her bag from her bedside table, heading for the door. “Who knows, if you meet someone good tonight, maybe your perception of Friday the 13th might change.”

*

Maybe it’s because of the cross around your neck, you can’t be entirely sure, but you manage to get to the club in one piece, even manage to make it to the bar without anyone spilling drinks on you or groping you.

It’s nice to be casually throwing back shots with Joy- that you have to admit- even though she’d all but dragged you out tonight. It doesn’t seem like many other people share in your superstition about Friday the 13th, because they all seem to be carefree and happy.

Either that, or already beyond drunk.

Once you feel slightly more lightheaded, you let Joy drag you to the dancefloor and lose yourself in the music that seems to engulf every single sense, the same way that the crowd of people seems to swallow the two of you up. It’s hard to keep track of each other in this mass of sweaty bodies grinding against you, but Joy gets swept away by a tall stranger in no time.

She gives you a subtle wink to let you know that she’s okay, and so you let her go without a word.  

Seeing as she’s already occupied for the rest of the night, you start to head back to the bar, thinking of nursing a drink for a while till it’s socially acceptable to leave, or till you feel you’ve made the most out of the exorbitant cover fee you’d had to pay- whichever comes first.

The bartender gives you a glass of water and you accept it, downing the contents in one shot before heading to the washroom to freshen up. When you start to follow the signs on the walls towards the washroom and it leads you to a secluded back room of the club, you start to question if this was really such a good idea after all, and you remember why you don’t go out on days like this.

You’ve never been to this club before, but you’re definitely not coming back now that you’ve seen how poor their facilities are. It’s a little suspicious how there aren’t any other patrons waiting to use the washroom when normally there are lines for it, but you brush the concern aside and push open the creaky door. 

Even though Joy would probably laugh at you if she heard this- if you even make it back alive to tell her- you clutch the small cross hanging from your neck and shoot up a small prayer.

The flush of the toilet seems a lot louder and more menacing in the total silence of the darkened hallways, and while a part of your rational brain knows that nothing bad can really happen while you’re still on club premises, your heart thuds away frantically in your chest. Your arms are wrapped tightly around yourself as you make your way back to the main part of the club.

Somewhere along the way, amidst the growing volume of the music from the dancefloor, your ears detect the sound of footsteps behind you, and you start to speed up, eager to get out into the crowded and noisy dancefloor, when you trip over your platform heels in your haste.

A hand grabs your arm from behind, pulling you backwards and saving you from doing a faceplant on the floor. Terrified out of your wits, because you surmise that this must be your stalker, attacker, murderer, you swing your arm around, hoping to hit the stranger.

But the stranger must have better eyesight than you do in the dark, because your hit misses.

“Nervous, are we? Calm down, I’m not a murderer,” the voice comes from the darkness behind him, and you can only see his silhouette. The stranger loosens his grip on your arm immediately once you’ve regained your balance, and the act alone calms you down a little.

You take a few steps forward, hoping the stranger will follow you into the light where you can see his face, and he does. Immediately your attention is drawn to his bright pink hair, tousled and pushed back off his forehead, and his plump lips stretched into a smirk that he wears with ultimate confidence.

“S-sorry, I thought you were-“ You begin to stutter, too fixated on the way his jacket hangs off his frame oh-so-casually.

But he’s blatantly checking you out as well, eyes lingering on the silver cross that hangs from your neck before trailing down to the criss cross straps of your bralette that dip down across your chest to emphasize your cleavage. His gaze makes you feel like he’s devouring every inch of exposed skin available, but the way in which he keeps his distance politely doesn’t make the whole thing come off as creepy or sleazy.

“Sorry I almost hit you back there,” you take a deep breath and try initiating conversation again, if only to distract yourself from how his chest looks moulded to his shirt.

The stranger only smiles and runs his fingers through his hair with a shrug. “It’s alright. Shouldn’t have creeped up on a pretty girl like that, my bad.”

“N-no, it’s my fault really, I’ve had a bad history with Friday the 13th, actually,” you admit with a wry smile even as your cheeks heat up from his compliment.

He seems amused to hear this, raising an eyebrow in response. “Oh really? Like what?” 

“Well, my friend ditched me to go get laid and I nearly get mugged by a handsome stranger, so that’s how it’s going so far,” you shrug casually, internally cheering when you manage to sneak in a compliment in return.

He only chuckles in response, holding out his hand for you to take. “How ‘bout I turn the tables then?” 

His invitation is too tempting to resist, so you slip your hand into his and let him lead you back to the dancefloor, and the crowd of bodies forces the two of you to press up against each other. The stranger’s chest is to your back, and from this position you can almost feel him right up against you, even though space is limited and he doesn’t try to take the opportunity to grind on your ass or even place his hands on your waist. 

His respectful distance sets you at ease, and you take the initiative to close the distance between you, letting your back hit his chest first and turning your head to him to whisper in his ear.

“By the way, I didn’t get your name. I’m ______.”

“Jimin.” The stranger grins once he feels you back up against him, and only then does he place his hands on your waist.

You can feel the way his hips move fluidly behind you, and even though you can’t dance to save your life, his hands on your waist guide you along to his movements, and you have no trouble following the beat at all with his help. Wanting a little more intimacy, you turn around to face him, looping your arms around his neck and watching as his eyes drop to your chest again.

Jimin is fixated on the little silver cross on your chest, and you take the opportunity to press your lower body against his. His lower body feels sturdy, and he takes the chance to wedge a thigh between your legs, and you almost moan at the way your panties are dampening just from that action alone.

“Tell me, are you a good girl?” He pants into your ear, and you can almost feel the wet lave of his tongue against your neck. “Did your daddy tell you to wear that cross so that boys won’t try to fuck you?” 

His words are the filthiest you’ve ever heard, and combined with his rock hard thigh grinding into your core, you’re almost sure that you’re already dripping for him. 

“No,” you decide to play along, giving him a small smirk of your own. “I can do whatever I want, as long as daddy doesn’t find out.”

Jimin’s hands tighten around your waist in response, and you relish the feeling of his fingers on your bare skin. On a particularly hard grind, you can feel his erection against your lower stomach, and you slide your hand down to grasp his wrist, tugging on it firmly as you lead him off the dancefloor.

He follows obediently as you lead him back down that deserted hallway, and your heart is pounding in your chest, only this time with exhilaration and slight disbelief at what you’re about to do. You stop in your tracks and whirl around to face him, dropping to your knees as you look up at him.

It’s clear what you’re offering to do, and Jimin moans when your hands make their way to his zipper. From your position he can see the way that silver cross sits on your chest prettily, the way your bralette straps dip teasingly and disappearing into your cleavage, but that’s all he can focus on especially when you start to wrap your hot mouth around him, tongue flicking against his head.

He tastes salty and full of desire as you swallow his length down your throat. You can feel the saliva start to pool in your mouth already, so you coat the remainder of his length with it, letting it get nice and messy. Jimin fists a hand in your hair and you can see his eyes start to glaze over especially when you swallow around his cock.

“Fuck, you take cock so well, does your daddy know how dirty you are? Where did you learn to swallow cock like that?”

You’ve never been one for dirty talk, always finding it too cringy and cheesy like in porn, but the way Jimin growls when you deepthroat him makes you soak through your panties.

He starts to gently thrust into your mouth, and you obediently sit back on your heels to allow him to fuck your throat as you stare up at his already fucked out form. You can see the way his thighs are quivering in his tight leather pants, every single muscle tensing in his pleasure, and the warm throbbing on your tongue tells you that he’s about to reach his high.

“Shit, I’m close already, your mouth is so fucking amazing babe,” he sighs as he strokes your head gently to make up for the last couple of harsh tugs. “Where can I come? In your mouth? Do you want to swallow?”

You nod in response, the best you can while your throat is still filled with his cock, and he mutters a low curse to himself as he pulls out and begins to stroke his length over your outstretched tongue.

Strings of cum land neatly on your tongue, and you’re thankful that Jimin is good at aiming even when he’s in the throes of ecstasy. The bitter taste of him fills your mouth, and you wait till he calms down from his high to look down at you, see the ropes of his semen on your tongue before you make a show of swallowing it all down for him, opening your mouth again to show him your clean tongue.

“Fuck, you’re going to be the fucking death of me, angel,” he reaches down to help you up from your position. “Let me return the favour?”

“As long as my daddy doesn’t find out,” you realise that this turns him on even more when his eyes darken, and his gaze drops to the cross on your chest once more.

“I’m going to break you tonight, babygirl.”

Friday the 13th has never been better.

[2paperairplanesswift]

Once upon a time a 17 year old English girl fell in love with a talented but relatively unknown country singer by the name of Taylor Swift. PLOT TWIST: 11 years later she is one of the most successful artists in history and I just spent my Friday night hanging out with her at her house. Wanna know how this happened? I'm going to tell you my story. Get yourself comfy (maybe some cocoa or a nice sweater) and listen up.  I don't claim to be the biggest Taylor Swift fan in the world, but like every Swiftie I would always like to think I am. I have loved Taylor for longer than I can remember and one of my biggest dreams in life has always been to meet her.  On 3rd October 2017 I woke up around 5am as I do every morning, and I turned off my alarm and turned my internet on. I had a few notifications, Facebook messenger, twitter, tumblr....but then there was a DM? I never get twitter DM's, I'm not remotely interesting enough for anyone to want to speak to me, so who was this messaging me? Half asleep and with my eyes still adjusting to the light I opened the DM screen and saw the words 'Taylor Nation'. My whole body froze...that's not what is says is it? I rubbed my eyes and looked again...it was. I clicked on the message and read it quickly. I didn't really take it in, something about a Confidential Event. I dropped my phone onto my chest and looked at the ceiling trying to take in what I had just read. Was I having another Taylor dream ? Somehow I knew I wasn't - the last Taylor dream I had we were eating banana splits in an old railway carriage turned into a diner...i don't even like bananas. Somehow this seemed more plausible.  I closed twitter and decided to ignore it for a second and look at my other notifications. There was a facebook message from my Swiftie friend Bethy telling me to have a good day and reminding me to keep my DMs on....wait, she had one to? I replied back saying 'I have, you too?' and for a solid hour we were messaging eachother in code without either of us admitting what we had received in text...but we both knew.  I sent my details over to Taylor Nation and tried to get ready for work...putting my jeans on back to front, loading the laundry into the machine without adding the washing liquid, walking around my house doing things which usually came naturally but for some reason took extra effort and concentration...something I was lacking.  It was another 10 hours before my DM was replied to saying they would contact me soon. Soon? How soon is soon? Bethy and I continued talking to eachother imagining what it could be. Would we be in a live stream? A music video? Are we being invited to a show? An interview? In the back of our minds we wanted it to be a secret session but it wouldn't be would it? People like us with a handful of followers whose idea of a great Friday night is to play Yahtzee while listening to Taylor Swift on repeat wouldn't get invited, would we?  Luckily soon was only 3 hours and I got a call from a New York number. I was at my parents house so I ran up the stairs to take the call. Some other Swiftie friends in a group chat were messaging me about stuff and I was trying to pick up but notifications were sending my phone into meltdown. Eventually I managed to pick up...then hang up on Taylor Nation. Yes, I hung up on Taylor Swift's management group!!! (Sorry Ali).  I tried to call back but it went to voice mail, so I sent them a DM and went for a wee. Ali called me again while I was on the toilet so I was nervously trying to finish peeing and then ran out to the top of the stairs to take the call. The signal in my parents house was awful and I kept shouting 'huh' and 'hello?' down the phone but Ali was so lovely. She told me I had been picked to be invited to a special event because I was a super fan and I could bring a +1. I knew Bethy was already going and I made a pact with Megan if ever we had an opportunity to meet Taylor we would take eachother. I hastily gave her Megan's details and then passed Alex's on to Bethy for her call before screaming at Alex to keep 13th October clear (for the record he is so difficult). On top of this I was also on holiday that day and so going to this event also meant cutting my holiday short...but this was Taylor Swift!  I found out on Sunday 8th October that we had to meet at a hotel and would be shuttled to the location via bus. Unfortunately my bladder condition flared up on 10th October and I nervously contacted Taylor Nation for details of restroom facilities, scared I wouldn't be able to go. I cried as I waited for an email back but Taylor Nation were so lovely....you could tell they worked for Taylor. I went to the local Dr on holiday and got antibiotics and instructions for bedrest for the 2 days before the event.  My bladder was still bad by early morning day of the event but luckily started clearing up as I travelled from Devon to London.  The day of the event we all met up at Waterloo Station in London before travelling to the hotel where we needed to meet Taylor Nation. I was so nervous that everything was going wrong and had been in so much pain and in denial I was going to be well enough to go that I couldn't believe it was happening.  On the way from the tube to the hotel we saw a funeral directors with 4 gravestones in the window - were they for us when Taylor killed us with her music? A bus went past...the number 13? So typically Taylor!  We arrived at the hotel and checked in. Taylor Nation were in the lobby (we didn't know it was them). The receptionist asked if we were going to the knitting convention? I was confused...was this a cover story? All I kept thinking was 'I knit sweaters yo'....'no, we are going to meet some friends' we told them.  We went upstairs to our room to get ready and when came down we didn't know where to go. There seemed to be some type of line forming around the building and the sheer quantity of red lipstick and floaty dresses told me we were in the right place.  We checked in with Taylor Nation and as I gave Elise my ID she said she liked my passport cover. It's a picture of Taylor with 'grab your passport and my hand' written on it. She confirmed with me that she was the one I had been emailing and I thanked her for her help. I then signed a NDA and got my really cool wristband which has 'United Kingdom' in reputation font on it. And then we headed downstairs to wait for the bus.  I was on bus number 3/4 with Megan- Alex and Bethy had already gone on bus 2. I sat right behind the driver and he had his Satnav programmed with 3 different routes. He took the first route to somewhere random, loaded the second route and followed it, then loaded the third. It was clear he was trying to throw us off. As we entered part of the neighbourhood I felt very out of place. The cars had personalised plates, the houses were getting bigger, the hustle and bustle of London life seemed to getting further in the distance.  Suddenly the bus stopped in front of a beautiful house...this was it...this was Taylor's house? We were escorted off the bus and down to the side door which lead to a basement. The carpets were bouncy and the soundproof walls were so soft. We waited patiently for a few minutes and then suddenly the door opened and I caught a glimpse of a canvas of the New York skyline....this IS Taylor's house.  We were taken up the stairs to a central entrance hall with a staircase leading up to the top of the house and a corridor towards a large group of people with music playing - her Spotify playlist. The party was in the kitchen. Megan and I walked in to the kitchen, everything was so perfect. Ice buckets full of cans of soda and water, the best chicken bites I have ever tasted, cheese, vegetables and dip, reputation m&ms and cookies with REP on. There was so much I couldn't even see it all. We spotted our friend Bethy over in the corner by the French doors and headed over to speak to her. As we got there so did Scott Swift....the total legend and biggest fangirl ever. I told him I had briefly seen him in Nashville for 1989 and be told me the Mick Jagger story...the same one Taylor tells in interviews. Word for word and he beamed with pride as he told us stories about Taylor. There I was on a Friday night in Taylor Swift's house talking to her dad about 2 megastars as if we were all old friends. And he was really interested in us, not just polite conversation but so enthralled that we loved his daughter as much as he did. True to Scott Swift fashion he gave us some guitar picks as me made his way onto the next group.  I asked Alex where the toilet was and he took me out to the corridor...which hid a restroom behind huge grey panels. It was the nicest smelling toilet I have ever been in...and I have been in a lot! As I sat there peeing in Taylor's toilet and looking at the Jo Malone candle burning by the sink I wondered...how did I get here? Shortly after I left the toilet we were ushered across the entrance hall to a huge rectangular room. Opposite the door were large windows covered over by drapes and a single armchair - Taylor's seat. The floor was adorned with cushion after cushion and Megan and I ran to the closest cushion to Taylor. Megan sat right in front of her and I squeezed in behind. This was a SECRET SESSION!!!! A few minutes later I looked behind as the door opened and in walked a real angel to a round of screams and claps- red lips, natural 'I've just washed it' curly hair, snake boots and a huge smile. She sat down in front of us on the seat and said 'Hi I'm Taylor'. Just like at tour, only this time not to 70,000...to just 100.  And then the mystery was revealed. Taylor Nation hadn't just randomly picked us off of various social media sites - we had been hand selected by Taylor herself who had stalked us for over a year and sent TN our profiles to invite us. It hit me...Taylor picked me?!?! The woman I have been 'stalking' for 11 years had been stalking me too? Out of all the fans in Europe I was one she wanted to meet. I don't think that will ever fully sink in.  Taylor played us her album, telling us little stories about each song - the inspiration, the recording processes, the reactions from friends and family. It was so much to take in but watching Taylor mouth along to the words, act out different expressions and sitting-dance to all of the songs was hilarious - I wasn't in the presence of a celebrity, I was sitting with my best friend appreciating the biggest achievement she will ever have - true happiness. Taylor Swift is truly happy, about life, about her music, about her fans and it is nothing short of magical.  As each song played I really wondered how Taylor could top it, but she did...over and over again. Time went so quickly and it felt like the world's biggest and best slumber party, except we didn't get to sleep over.  At one point it was so hot that Scott Swift had to open all the doors to let the air in. As Taylor played his favourite song from the album she called for him to come and listen and he made a joke that he was actually handing out guitar picks to the neighbours.  After Taylor finished playing the album I looked around. Everyone was so Wonderstruck by what they had heard and I looked at Taylor and she looked so content. I don't know whether she was worried by what our reactions would be but all we had for this album was love...and I hope Taylor knows that.  After the listening session we were handed copies of the reputation magazines while we were waiting for photos. Megan and I were some of the first to go in. I was so focused on getting to the event that I hadn't even thought about what to say. Taylor ran over to Megan and hugged her and started talking about her bright pink hair. She loved it and it had been distracting her all evening. Then Taylor hugged me and I hugged her back like I had never hugged anyone before. She was so tall like a giraffe but with the grace of a swan...and I was me. I whispered 'thank you for inviting me' and she smiled. I didn't want to let go. As so many people were waiting they sort of rushed us with a picture. Taylor grabbed hold of us with her arms around our shoulders and smiled so sincerely at the camera. I wanted to talk to Taylor as I didn't get a chance but we were ushered off. As Megan walked out front if me I went to turn and talk to Taylor when Megan suddenly shouted 'we went to Nashville'. Taylor screamed back excitedly 'I know' with the biggest smile on her face. So...I didn't get to talk to Taylor but she knew we went to Nashville. She really did stalk me. When we left the room we were greeted by Mama Swift. I told her about my mum being terminally ill with Cancer and how she had gotten test results that day but she wanted me to be with Taylor instead. She gave me an extra hug and told me to hug my mum for her. I told my mum later and she started crying. Someone she has never met wished her well...it isn't just Taylor, it is her whole family.  We were taken back to the basement to collect Merch bags with a T-shirt, hat, sticker, pop socket and exclusive secret sessions keyring. It was so lovely of Taylor to give us something more to remember the day.  I got the bus back to the hotel and sat talking to Ali the whole way about the album and Nashville....I may have also invited her to CMA fest next year. By the time I got back to the hotel and collected my belongings (which had been taken from us earlier) I was shattered but I couldn't sleep. I posted on twitter and suddenly my phone couldn't stop vibrating...thousands of retweets and likes. I sat there trying to figure out what happened but I'm still not even sure I believe it myself. It took me 2 whole days to cry...not because I didn't care but because this wasn't the norm. I had stood outside countless radio stations and events before and not met Taylor...I had cried. I had come away from concerts and not been picked for Loft or Club Red etc and cried...but this was different. Not only had I met Taylor, she had picked me. I couldn't cry...I just felt a sense of fulfillment, of achievement, of love. By the time I did cry if wasn't because of what happened; it was because I missed her.  But this is not the end of my story with Taylor...I feel like this is the start of a new chapter. I came away with a whole mind of memories and countless new friends - affectionately known as FANtom Squad. Friday 13 October was the best night of my life; I will never be able to thank Taylor enough and I'll probably never have a chance to say what I wanted to say. But after years of hiding it & toning down this side of my life to please people I can honestly I am not ashamed of who I am because who I am is exactly how @taylorswift likes me. 

[hope-for-olicity]

Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - October 13th, 2017

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! They are posted in the order I read them.

Times Like These multi-chapter by @anthfan - A man from Felicity's past she never thought she'd see again suddenly appears in Starling City, bringing with him memories she'd rather keep forgotten, and a new threat. https://archiveofourown.org/works/1108116/chapters/2230074

About Last Night multi-chapter by @wrldtravler - As a favor, Felicity reluctantly hired none other than Oliver Queen to be her executive assistant. What she never agreed to was how distracting it would be having him only a few feet away with only a wall of glass between them. Apparently, Felicity isn't the only one struggling with the close proximity. Otherwise known as a shameless AU in which Felicity is a CEO, and her assistant Oliver Queen is more than willing to give her a hand. http://archiveofourown.org/works/10550150/chapters/23301288

Time for a Story multi-chapter by @smkkbert - This fic shows Olicity and their life as a (married) couple with family. Although Olicity (and their kids) are the protagonists, other characters of Arrow and Flash make appearances. YOU NEED THIS STORY IN YOUR LIFE. http://archiveofourown.org/works/3912157/chapters/8757172

In-Flight multi-chapter by @geneshaven - Oliver and Felicity set off on their honeymoon, part 2 https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/166128309359/in-flight

If Loving You Is Wrong (I Don't Want To Be Right) multi-chapter by @smkkbert - They live in a society where the Ministry for Procreation decides who you get to marry. Once you get the letter with the contact details of your partner, you are supposed to marry within few months. Sexual relationships with any other partner are forbidden, even before you receive the contact details. Everyone who disobeys that law will be punished brutally.  Oliver and Nyssa have come to terms with that. Although they are married, Nyssa can secretly be with Sara, and Oliver can do whatever he wants to do. When Oliver decides to make changes, he falls madly in love with Felicity. Therefore, his life takes a pleasant turn because although they cannot publicly be together, at least they can be in secret. Things soon get complicated, though, when Felicity receives a letter that shall change her life. http://archiveofourown.org/works/11847900/chapters/26747613

In Flight (Coming in for Landing) multi-chapter by @geneshaven - Part 3 Oliver and Felicity take a flight to get to their honeymoon destination https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/166179020894/in-flight-coming-in-for-a-landing

We Loved With A Love That Was More Than Love multi-chapter by @wrldtravler - When Felicity's father leaves her and her mother behind, she loses all her faith in the very idea of soulmates. After Donna Smoak remarries into the Merlyn family, events are put into motion that bring Felicity into proximity the very destiny she never wanted to be apart of, and the family she never knew she needed. After years of unknowingly fighting and dancing around her fate, Felicity finally receives her soulmark on her 18th birthday. With the truth revealed, Felicity's fate is left in her hands, and only she can decide whether to let him in before it's too late. http://archiveofourown.org/works/10216829/chapters/22672961

C is for Complications by @smoakmonster - As Felicity wrestles with her unrequited feelings for Oliver, she devises a way to help herself overcome them. But sometimes good plans lead to unexpected results. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12299901

(Don't) Let Me Go multi-chapter by @emmilynestill - Felicity told him to let her go, but even when Oliver tried, it didn’t seem to be something he was capable of. In the end, there would be nothing in the world Felicity was more grateful for. Weaving in and out of the final four episodes of Season 5 and beyond, follow Oliver and Felicity’s emotional journey back to one another, one step at a time. http://archiveofourown.org/works/11591223/chapters/26051715

Untitled by @wherethereissmoak - Prompt: "Excuse me for falling in love with you" https://wherethereissmoak.tumblr.com/post/166203781352/for-the-prompt-excuse-me-for-falling-in-love

Untitled by @foreverfelicityqueen - Prompt: "Don't you dare step one foot in this house!" http://foreverfelicityqueen.tumblr.com/post/166204163471/for-your-one-line-prompt-dont-you-dare-step

Untitled by @smoaking-greenarrow - Prompt: Olicity #4 I'm too sober for this. Extra challenge: Oliver walking in on Felicity doing something weird http://smoaking-greenarrow.tumblr.com/post/166205685859/olicity-4-im-too-sober-for-this-extra

Untitled by @foreverfelicityqueen - Prompt: "If I trip over one more of your shoes, I’m throwing them all away." http://foreverfelicityqueen.tumblr.com/post/166207711671/for-the-prompt-if-i-trip-over-one-more-of-your

Untitled by @wherethereissmoak - Prompt: "Are you ever going to let me cook again?" https://wherethereissmoak.tumblr.com/post/166205041942/are-you-ever-going-to-let-me-cook-again

Untitled by @foreverfelicityqueen - Prompt: "I don't think I've ever wished on a star" http://foreverfelicityqueen.tumblr.com/post/166204807201/one-line-prompt-i-dont-think-ive-ever-wished

Pieces of Always multi-chapter by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34 - Life continues after Forever is Composed of Nows. Ongoing non-linear collection of family moments for the Queens. http://archiveofourown.org/works/8220479/chapters/18840356

Things Left Unsaid by ClaudiaRain - Felicity falls ill, but it might be the best thing that's ever happened to her. http://archiveofourown.org/works/12312921

Untitled by @wherethereissmoak - Prompt: “You don’t strike me as the kind of person who likes normal girls.” “You’re right, of course. Normal is boring. But you’re not normal at all - are you?”  https://wherethereissmoak.tumblr.com/post/166227010752/you-dont-strike-me-as-the-kind-of-person-who

Untitled by @wherethereissmoak - Prompt: "Why are there 12 pregnancy tests on our bathroom counter?" https://wherethereissmoak.tumblr.com/post/166225599637/for-your-one-line-prompts-why-are-there-12

Untitled by @wherethereissmoak - Prompt: ""I heard you, but I care too much about you to give you what you want right now." https://wherethereissmoak.tumblr.com/post/166226012487/for-the-one-line-prompt-if-youre-still-accepting#notes

You Had Me at Hello multi-chapter by @tdgal1 - Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak met at a Gala and had an instant attraction but Smoak Technologies and Queen Consolidated have to work together. Can they make that sexual chemistry work and still work together.http://archiveofourown.org/works/11075379

Untitled by @writewithurheart - Prompt: Give me a reason to believe http://writewithurheart.tumblr.com/post/166234352714/olicity-give-me-a-reason-to-believe

Blue Eyed Angel: Trust by @tdgal1 - Oliver and Felicity go to a baby shower http://archiveofourown.org/works/11069859/chapters/28009125

Technical Difficulties by @jedichick04 - "It's personal." Felicity growled in frustration -- actually growled -- and jabbed at the screen again. Set post 4x02. http://archiveofourown.org/works/5043265

Thursday multi-chapter by @someonesaidcake - There is something about the girl next door that Oliver Queen is only now noticing... Felicity is moving to college just down the road from where Oliver is a senior.  He suddenly becomes very protective of the girl next door.  Thursday night dinners might not ever be the same again. This story gets better and better! http://archiveofourown.org/works/10688658/chapters/23670255

The Life They Knew multi-chapter by @bytemegeekette - AU - Olicity - Felicity loved watching the happy life that her best friend had built for herself. Oliver watched his best friend reach every milestone he himself feared. An unexpected tragedy thrusts their lives together in a way neither could imagine. Could they over come their hate for each other to help fulfill the last wishes of their best friends. Loosely inspired by the movie 'Life as We Know It' http://archiveofourown.org/works/4944559/chapters/11349703

May I Be Your Shield multi-chapter by @aussieforgood and @yespleasehawkeyee - She could always tell him about her day. She could always tell him anything. Except she didn’t. The woman closest to him was keeping the biggest secret of all; a dark secret, a dangerous secret. Felicity Smoak is not safe, that much is true, but whether Oliver can save her from that is another matter. Sooner or later, we find out exactly how far we’ll go to protect the person we love most. http://archiveofourown.org/works/5721514/chapters/13182745

Bound to You multi-chapter by @bindy417 - Felicity is an ARGUS agent and Oliver with the Bratva but they met long before that! This story gives the past and the present. SO AWESOME.  http://archiveofourown.org/works/6602668/chapters/15105862

Killer Frost Smoak multi-chapter by @tdgal1 - Felicity is with Barry during the particle accelerator and becomes Killer Frost. How does she handle this and does she tell Oliver? http://archiveofourown.org/works/8654356/chapters/19846777

// @almondblossomme // @emmaamelia95 // @mel-loves-all // @oliverfel4 // @green-arrows-of-karamel // @coal000 // @miriam1779 // @memcjo// @captainolicitysbedroom // @tdgal1 // @spaztronautwriter // @lalawo1// @quiveringbunny // @quant-um-fizzx // @thebookjumper // @vaelisamaza // @myhauntedblacksoul // @lovelycssefan // @laurabelle2930 // @wrongshipper //

[avengeultrons]

Title: The Haunted Mansion (Reader x Peter Parker)

Summary: It’s Halloween night and the two find an abandoned house they decide to explore, not knowing of the hidden dangers inside

Word Count: 1995

A/N: YAY HALLOWEEN! This is going to be the last imagine for a week or so, I won’t be home from my trip until Sunday the 24th! Hope you enjoy :)

--

You and Peter rode your bikes side by side, down the street as you could. Both of you were secretly competing with each other, stealing glances at the other as you tried to inch ahead. The sidewalks were littered with kids in their adorable Halloween costumes, out trick or treating with parents or grudge-holding older siblings as chaperones. It was a beautiful fall evening; the sun was beginning to set behind the clouds, painting the sky in pink and orange hues.

“Race you to the bottom of the hill!” Peter pedaled quickly and picked up speed, taking off in a flash down the hill. You scoffed and followed suit, a laugh escaping your lips.

Your bike creaked and groaned in protest as you flew down the hill after Peter. Your hair flew wildly in the wind, eyes widening when you watched Peter press on his breaks and come to a sudden stop, “Look out!” you shouted over the rattling of your old bike. You lifted your feet off of the pedals and turned your wheels to the left, coming to a screeching halt. Dust flew up from the road as you lost your balance and dropped your bike on the ground before falling with it, “What the hell was that? I think I win by default, P.”

“What? You don't see that creepy house right there?” Peter pulled his bike to the sidewalk and dropped it, staring up at the house looming overhead. You dragged your own bike over and set it up next to the rusting metal gate keeping trespassers off of the grounds of the house, yet you didn't know who would want to trespass anyway. The place looked terrifying.

The grounds of the house were dead, there wasn't a sprig of green grass in sight. Old, splintered shingles were falling off of the roof, shutters hanging askew. You couldn't see one trick or treater even daring to walk near it. The house was practically falling apart on top of itself; it looked like a scene from Scooby Doo, “Ew,” you said, for you didn't know what else you could really say. A shiver ran down your spine as you looked at it, the theme music from Friday the 13th playing in your head. Even though the house was spooky in its curb appeal, it looked harmless enough, “Let's go check it out.”

“What? You’re crazy! No way, nope. Do you actually want to get us killed?” Peter asked, his eyes wide. You gave a pout, jutting your lip out like a dramatically sad puppy dog. He sighed, glancing up wearily at the house, “Fine! What's the worst that could happen?”

You tiptoed up the creaking steps and struggled to pull open the door that seemed to be glued shut, a gasp escaping your lips once the old thing finally swung open, “Well, this is creepy,” you said, taking a glance around. All of the minimal amounts of furniture were covered in dust covered sheets.

The floorboards squeaked in protest as you stepped over the threshold and walked around the main floor. Everything seemed to be covered in a thin layer of greasy looking film, like the house hadn't been touched in ages.

“Y/N?” Peter held a sheet of paper in his hands, eyes practically falling out of his head, “Is this supposed to be you?”

You ran over to him and snatched the flyer, your mouth falling open. There you were in your ringer tee and braids, on a missing person’s flyer. Last seen: October 31st, 2017, “What? I-Is this real? Today’s the thirty-first, Peter. And I'm wearing that and I-am I going to go missing? What does this mean I-,” Peter took the flyer and crushed it into a ball, taking you by the shoulder.

“No, listen. It's not real, okay? That's not, it's just a joke I'm sure,” you were trying not to hyperventilate as Peter talked some sense into you, “It’s not real. I'm sure some other kids have been in here just trying to pull pranks on people.”

After your mini freak out, you and Peter made your way upstairs. It seemed to be even scarier up on the landing than it was downstairs with the scary accurate missing person posters. An eerie yellow light lit up the room at the end of the hall, the old wooden door blocking you from seeing what was inside, “Do you think there's some creepy guy living in there?” you whispered, slowly creeping towards it.

Peter shrugged and squeezed his eyes shut before pushing the door open with a loud creaking noise. Nothing was in there, not even a light. The walls of the bedroom settled uneasily as you stepped inside its quarters, old paintings of previous owners clattering against the greasy, film covered wallpaper.

“Oh, it's fine?” he said it more as a question, not even sure if he believed what he was seeing. You stepped into the room and took a look around, shoulders dropping in relief once you saw that it really was fine. An old mattress littered with dated newspapers sat in the center of the room, but that was it, “That's weird.”

A yelp escaped your lips when the door behind you and Peter slammed shut. You practically jumped to the ceiling, your whole body tense from fear, “What was that?” Peter was already stalking around the adjoining room, connected by another door. Most likely haunted as well, “Peter?”

“Y/N!” Peter shouted, his voice filled with fear as the door slammed shut, separating the two of you. You screamed and ran to the door, banging on it with your fists. Peter was screaming and shouting, banging on the door as hard as he could, “Why won't it open? Y/N!!!”

One glance over your shoulder made tears pool in your eyes; there was a clown. You were only afraid of one thing, even. The vibrant orange hue of its cotton candy shaped hair burned itself into your retinas, promising to never leave your sight. Even its teeth, sharp and yellow, glistened as it smiled a threatening smile. The worst part was that it only looked at you with its hollow, lifeless eyes. You were dumbfounded as you reached a shaky hand to the door, struggling to open it.

Peter somehow managed to pull the door open as you fell into the bedroom, “Shut it, shut it!” you shouted, scooting back so much that you lost your footing and fell onto the old dusty mattress. He looked over at you with a puzzled look on his face, turning back to see what was so scary that needed to stay in the other room.

“What the hell is that thing?” he asked with a horrified yelp before slamming the door in its face.

You let out a sigh of relief and wiped your eyes, “Seriously, what was that?” Peter ran over to your side and helped you up, making sure you were free of injury before letting you wander off into the contents of the haunted house again.

You grimaced and ran to the other door, yanking on the jammed doorknob, “Well, you know how I'm afraid of clowns, right? That was, that was literally just my fear come to life. Look, can we leave? I want to get out of this hell hole.” Peter pushed past you and pulled with all of his might, the door slowly swinging open.

“Holy shit,” you whispered, your eyes wide. Peter stepped backwards slowly, his heart beating loudly in his ears. It was his fear, come to life, “Y/N, make it stop. Shut the damn door on it!”

It was you. Well, it wasn't you. It looked like you, your outfit and hair, but you were also a rotting corpse who was missing an arm, your mouth replaced with just a black hole of sharp teeth, the same as your creepy clown’s. Not the best image to put in someone's head. The walls were closing in on you, the whole world seeming to slow as you tried to think of what to do. What was worse; a spitting image of you as a zombie, or an evil clown?

You shrieked and ran to the other door, throwing it open as fast as you could, “Let’s go, Peter!” he was paralysed from fear, staring up at the corpse slowly trudging toward him. You grabbed his hand and pulled him with you, the two of you flying down the steps like two bats out of hell.

You and Peter both hopped on your bikes and rode far away from the creepy house at the bottom of the hill. You pedaled until you couldn't even see the outline of it anymore, until you had stopped yourself from crying. Peter pulled his own bike over to the sidewalk in front of your house and collapsed in a heap on the grass of your front lawn.

“What was it?” you asked with a defeated sigh, laying on your back to stare up at the night sky now littered with stars, “What was yours?”

Peter propped himself up on one elbow and grimaced, “My fear? It was, it's nothing,” you huffed and tilted your head to look at him, your brows furrowed, “It was you. Well, you getting hurt or dying,” his face flushed bright red as he said it, his voice a quiet whisper.

“I’m scared… are you scared that it’ll find us?” you sprawled yourself out on the grass, looking over at him nervously. Dew from the chilly evening was starting to accumulate and make your hands cold. The grass wasn't even comfortable, it was so itchy, but you didn't want the night to end. He placed his hands behind his head and stared up at the sky, squinting at the moon. It was full then; a spooky, full moon tinted a blood orange shade.

Peter took a moment before responding, his eyes shifting to look at you, “Hell yes I'm scared. But it's not real, it wasn't real,” he sighed loudly. Even hearing that, you could hardly believe it. It wasn't real? Seeing a dead version of yourself looked pretty real, “Are you going to be okay?”

“Me? Okay? Always,” you flashed a smile and poked him in the shoulder. It might've been a fib; you were scared to stay home alone call night, or at least until your parents came home from their party, “Will you be?”

He gave a nod, “Just a little haunted house, nothing too scary. I'll be fine,” you laughed at this, a loud laugh that made Peter stare up at you with a puzzled look on his face.

“You didn't even want to go in the little haunted house!” you snorted. Peter stifled laughter next to you, elbowing you in the ribs, “I guess I'd better go inside now, this holiday seems to be dwindling down to a close.”

You hopped up and pulled your bike to set up next to the house, “I’d say it was pretty eventful. And hey, we’ll have a story to tell at school that no one will believe tomorrow!” Peter said sarcastically, zipping his hoodie up as the night steadily dropped to a bone chilling temperature.

“Happy Halloween, Peter,” you said with a smile, kissing his cheek quickly before he turned, cheeks a bright pink shade of blush, and ran towards his bike, “Text me when you get home, okay? Don't let me worry that some creepy ghost got ahold of you!”

Peter laughed and waved a hand at you before biking off down the street, his little bike headlight illuminating the way. An uneasy feeling followed you as your hands still shook from fear, trying to lock the door back. You were dead serious about your joke, even if it was a bit of a teasing opportunity. It was a literal fear for you, especially after the night you'd had. You wanted to make sure Peter was safe.

[johnny-rokkit]

Believe that life will get better

I know it’s hard to believe, but fuck it worked for me. Here’s a story if you want to read. It’s long.

Last week is the worst week of the year for me. On January 2nd, it’s the anniversary of one of my best friends of all time (and the most genuine person I’ve ever met) death. On January 4th, it’s the anniversary of my moms death. Yeah, rough start to the year, right?

Let’s fast forward through all the major grieving from that. It’s been 18 years since my mom died, it’s been 8 years since my best friend died. Eventually you either get over the grief or you become numb to it.

As the years went on though, I let my life go. I didn’t care about anything. I started using chewing tobacco, and it rotted holes my teeth. Eventually, it caused me to quit my job, and not go out and see friends for literally a year (the last time I saw friends was December 13th 2017, the next time I was out and saw friends was December 20th, 2018. I went a year without seeing a single friend, and I didn’t keep up with them much.

In November of 2018 I got my teeth fixed. It cost $60,000. That’s not a typo, it cost sixty thousand dollars. That kicked me in the ass. It gave me a purpose again. My dad paid for it. I couldn’t let him spend that much money on a loser anymore. So I decided to stop being a loser. 

I went out and saw friends. It was incredible. They were all super supportive of me, understanding I needed some time away (even though I didn’t tell any of them why at the time). Then I started coming out more, and eventually felt like it was time to get a job. The last time I had a real job was 2008. Yeah. And I found a job. It was something I had never done before, but was entry level and could lead to a middling career (which, at this point, wasn’t a bad thing). It turned out to be the perfect job for me. The hours were at a good spot to help me learn to wake up in the morning (I originally started at 10am, now I regularly can start at 6:30am, never got up before noon before this). And the people were perfect. I made real friends. They were all the kind of people I wished I could be, and they helped me become that type of person. I started going to a rock climbing gym, and now I bought a season pass to go snowboarding in Tahoe.

That led me to taking a vacation last September/October. I went alone to Seattle. I had never been to Seattle, and I had never gone on a trip alone. But I did it. And while I didn’t do as much as I wanted to (you know, I am still an introvert), I had a great time. Then came Christmas time.

I met someone at the bar. They (non-binary) are incredible. I took them home that night. We fooled around, but we didn’t have sex (I could have, and I was asked to, but something felt different and so I didn’t). They were actually very happy about the night (despite being turned down for full blown sex). And would you fucking believe it, they live in Seattle. They send me a facebook message later that day saying “If you ever find yourself in Seattle again, you better hit me up, I could use another night like last night.” A couple days go by and we start talking. And fuck are we compatible.

We have a ton in common, we’re very romantically compatible, and it’s been incredible. I’ve fallen for them. And so I started planning another vacation to Seattle. 

As of yesterday I was going to Tahoe on January 10th, and then Seattle for a week on February 15th. And then I started realizing I was in love. And that I didn’t want to wait until the middle of February to see them. So I asked my boss for different days off in a couple of weeks so I could have the same days off as them. And now I’m flying to Seattle for a day and a half on January 22nd. That’s 3 trips in a month and half.

Why do I bring all this up? For the last 10 years of my life, through all the dark times, I’ve believed deep down that shit might get better. And I knew that if I could actually just keep believing that things just needed to pass, that one day things would click, that I had the potential to actually succeed at this.

I told them tonight that getting to meet (and continue to get to know) them was a major luck for me. They asked if I accumulated this luck with karma or something. Nope, not karma, so to say.

Karma means you do good, good will come back to you. I’ve done good, but I’ve also done not good. It sucks, but I’m not afraid to admit I’ve fucked up. This is more my faith coming to fruition. 

Every time things got really bad, at least once I would tell myself that if I could just get through that night, eventually things would be good. That one day I could actually be happy. I usually immediately went back to hating life, but for a split second I believed that there could be an end. It wasn’t always that way, and it wasn’t always constant. But it lingered. And when days were just kind of blah, didn’t suck but weren’t any good, that thought kept around a little bit. Things can be good. You just have to get through this.

Everyone gets through it in different ways and at different speeds. It took me over 10 years to get my life on track. Over 10 years of telling myself it can be better. It isn’t now, but maybe one day it’ll be worth the suffering.

And fuck it’s worth the suffering. I’m happy. And when I have a shitty day I can look back and go “I’m just stressed about work, something I couldn’t do a year ago, life is good.” It’s not always easy, but if you just keep believing in yourself, that’s the best power you can have. And every single day I tell myself that I’m worth it. No matter how shitty life is, I’m worth the life I was given. Fuck the haters, fuck those who don’t like me, fuck those who thought and think I can’t succeed and am making all the wrong decisions. Fuck everyone who’s not behind me, supporting me, believing that I can do even better than I think I can.

My dad has been talking to me about the person I’m going to see in Seattle. He told me to be careful, to not get hurt. I responded “I’ve learned to deal with that. If it doesn’t work, it didn’t work. It sucks, but I’ll deal with it because it’s not worth being hung up on something that didn’t work.” But just as much as that, I’m not going to pass up any opportunity. Whether it seems like it could be something hella fun, or if I think it’s something that will be worthwhile. If I have an opportunity to do something I want to do, and I can afford to do it, you better fucking believe I’m going to start living my best life.

That’s all I’ve got. I’m freaking out because I’m going to Tahoe on Friday, and then Seattle in 2 weeks. And they’re falling for me just as hard as I’m falling for them.

[daisy-daisyy]

AFTER 7 MONTHS, GOD GAVE ME THE JOB

the following is a timeline/testimony of my 7-month journey of faith, prayer, patience, and trust in the Lord for a job. I’ve also included in bullet points journal entries/prayers I’ve written from my devotionals where I felt the Lord was ministering and speaking to me regarding the job. I know it looks like a lot but I tried my best to make it as simply and straight-forward as possible loolllll. Thank you in advance for taking time to read through all this!! :) xx

January 2017: I walk into Classics to buy myself flowers (though I ended up not buying any) and hear the Holy Spirit prompt me with “Why don’t you go ask and see if they’re hiring?” I get excited at the thought of working there and proceed to ask the owner if they’re hiring. She tells me that they have some positions open and asks me to fill out an application. I AM VERY VERY SUPER DUPER EXCITED AND HOPEFUL.

February 14th: Valentine’s Day lollll. I go in to buy MYSELF flowers and also drop off my resume.

January - March: Made phone calls every week to follow up on my application, only to hear every time that the owner will call me back. The phone calls I made every week slowly turned into every other week, and then every 3 weeks.

March 21st: Holy Spirit tells me to go visit the store, so I go. I buy myself flowers and re-introduce myself to the owner, telling her that I applied 2 months ago and ask if there’s still any openings. She asks for my availability and tells me that there are morning and afternoon shifts open. I eagerly tell her I’m free & she says she’ll contact me.

End of March - Mid April: More follow-up phone calls lollzzz

April 13th: Holy Spirit tells me to send the owner an email this time - no more phone calls. I send her an email following up on our last conversation in March and pretty much ask for closure lolll. I asked if I could get a confirmed response within the next week on whether or not I’ll be hired. I was getting very impatient because by this time I’ve been unemployed for almost a year and I wanted to get a job/$$$ asap. I desperately needed closure so that I could start applying at other places if I wasn’t gonna get the job here.

April 14th: (SHE REPLIES THE VERY NEXT DAY OMGOSHHH)  “Hi Grace, I have really been considering you for a position here at the store. How many hours a week are you looking to have?”

!!!!!!!! I AM SOOOOO HAPPY AND EXCITED AT THIS POINT AHHH !!!!!!!!!!!

I respond with my availability and schedule.

April 18th: Okay backstory: from October 2016-January 2017 I interned at a non-profit jewelry company called Purpose Jewelry. Although my internship finished earlier this year, I still made myself available to volunteer for events if they needed help. On this day, I came in to pick up equipment for an event I was volunteering for and got to catch up with my old manager. She asks me for life updates & I tell her I’m trying to get this job at Classics. Her eyes grow wide and tell me that she JUST started collaborating with them & that Classics actually carries Purpose Jewelry at the shop now!!! IDK ABOUT YOU BUT THE CHANCES OF THIS HAPPENING ARE LIKE....NOT VERY HIGH LOL. I am 100% sure that this was a sign from God.

April 19th: At this point, it’s been 6 days since I sent the email and 5 days since she’s responded. Only 1 more day to make it a full week to give me closure/lmk if I’m hired or not. I am v nervous and worried. Also on this day, I attended a conference at HROCK that a friend of mine invited me to. During ministry time, I was worshipping the Lord and I hear these words from Him: “You will receive an email tomorrow.” My heart became excited and full of peace <333

April 20th: It’s been exactly 1 week that I’ve sent the email. AND SHE REPLIES JUST AS THE LORD SAID <333

“Hi Grace, I truly appreciate your patience in obtaining employment here at Classics. At this time though, I might not be able to give you 20 or more hours a week. It might be about 15 hours. Let me know if you are willing to try and we can go from there. Thank you so much!”

At this point, I am sooooooo soooo happy. I jump to conclusions and share a testimony at our church’s Bible study that i got the job lolllllll. After all, the Lord spoke to me about it and this email made me so sure that I was gonna get it!!!!

I respond saying 15 hours is perfect and ask to continue discussing the next steps.

April 21st - May 6th: No response back from her. I send 3 more follow-up emails. I am very confused & discouraged.

May 7th: “Hi Grace, I would not be able to offer employment to you at this time. I thank you for your time and patience. Some of our employees are going to be out of school soon for the summer break so I would like to offer them more work hours instead.”

:(

My heart dropped...like is this for real?????? I seriously thought I had it,..

I remember sitting on my bed after reading the email, completely stunned, saddened, and especially confused. I pray to Lord about it and receive comfort and peace. I reflected on the 5-month journey thus far and came to a realization: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO FREAKIN WAY THAT GOD WOULD DO THIS TO ME LOL. There is no way God would tell me to apply for a job, speak continuously to me about it, give me signs, and not give it to me. God doesn’t do that - He wouldn’t “lead me on.” There’s no way He would make me go through all this JUST to test my faith and patience...for everything to come to nothing. There HAS to be more to it. There HAS to be something in the end. So I continue praying & believing for the job despite getting denied by the owner.

May 17th: I send ANOTHER email asking her to reconsider lol i’m so annoying

June 10th: I’m driving home after dropping Trina off at work. Holy Spirit tells me to stop by Classics. I’m like HECK NO and drive past it. I get to the intersection of my house and feel convicted, so I turn around and drive back to Classics. I walk into the store and ask one of the employees if the owner is there and she says that the owner actually JUST LEFT (ughhhhhh I SHOULDA LISTENED TO HS RIGHT AWAY). HOWEVER...the employee recognizes me and and asks if I’m Josh’s sister. Her name is Hannah and she is Josh’s friend’s cousin lolll. Josh has been texting her here & there, asking her questions about employment to help me out. We both knew of each other though we’ve never met. We talk for a little bit & I tell her about my situation & she lets me know that she’s actually leaving the company to pursue an internship out of the country. She says to keep trying & good luck. I leave feeling really encouraged & hopeful! 

June 27th: HANNAH TEXTS JOSH AND ASKS HIM TO ASK ME IF I’M FREE TO MEET UP!!!!!????!?!?!?!?! I eagerly accept and meet up with her that day. Hannah tells me that the owner asked her about me, but she only met me once and doesn’t know me too well. Hannah asks the owner if she would like for her to meet up with me and get to know me, and the owner says yes please. And that’s why she wanted to meet up 😭😭😭  so sweet 😭😭😭  She tells me that she’s leaving the country for her internship in 2 weeks and that the owner is looking for someone to hire, so she wanted to take time to get to know me so she can refer me to the owner. She gives me tips & pointers for the job and tells me not to worry & that she’s going to refer me <3

July 3rd: I text Hannah asking if the owner has said anything and if I should contact the owner & follow up. Hannah says she hasn’t heard anything about it yet but to just wait for the owner to contact me. 

July 27th: It was the last day of Summer camp with our church and everyone is sitting in silence with the Lord. I think about the life I have to go back to and become discouraged at thought of STILL being unemployed. But the Lord responds to my thoughts by saying “Don’t worry. You will get the job.” 

Later that day when we get home, I check my email: *sent Monday, July 24th “Hi Grace, I would like schedule am interview for the job opening on Thursday or Friday from 1 PM on. Please let me know your availability. Looking forward to hearing from you.”

My heart is bursting with joy and excitement. God is SOOOOOOOOO GOOD AND FAITHFUL TO WHAT HE SAYS <333333

July 28th: I go to the shop for an interview!

July 29th:

“Hi Grace, Thank you so much for coming to the interview with Jorge! After careful considerations, I have decided to offer you a position here at Classics. Are you available to start on Monday at 9AM? Let me know if that works.  I think that you will be a great addition to our team!”

July 31st: My very first day working at Classics 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

It’s been a little over a month since I’ve been working here and wow....I am sooooo in love with my job. I applied for a simple position of a barista/server (why fight so long & hard for a job I can get at Starbucks or anywhere else you may ask), but God has already opened so many doors for me here 😭❤️ If you know me, I am absolutely head-over-heels IN LOVE with flowers. They are beautiful & delicate & one of God’s many ways of telling us “I love you.” I also have lots of experience with Social Media marketing and it’s something I really enjoy doing. The Lord has opened doors for me to do BOTH 😭😭😭  Although I have NO EXPERIENCE WHATSOEVER in florist design, the owner gave me a chance to do floral work a few weeks ago, saw that I somehow did a good job, and started training me to do work on the flower side. Earlier this week, she gave me the PW to their Instagram and allows me to post/do whatever I want. THIS IS ALL GOD 😭😭😭  I remember starting in middle school, my ultimate dream job was to be a florist. It wasn’t ideal or something I took time to pursue because I felt like it wouldn’t be stable, but God literally turned that dream into a reality for me. I definitely can feel His amazing love through this job. After every shift, I leave feeling so full of joy and gladness. 

These past 7 months have NOT been easy....NOT EASY AT ALL lolll. There were soooo many times I wanted to give up and just apply somewhere else. There were so many people in my life that I love & cherish who told me to move on, apply somewhere else, that I deserve better than this, that God has another job in store for me - all out of love & care for me. But the ONLY thing that kept me going was the Lord Himself. Yes, He gave me signs and specific words about the job, but the main anchor to my faith were those scriptures that He spoke to me week after week, day after day in my devotions. Through His word, He kept telling me to keep the faith, be patient, trust in Him, ask and you shall receive, and obtain the promises He has for me. Thank you also to everyoneeee who encouraged me & stood with me in faith! I don’t know if I would have made it through if it weren’t for your prayers & words of faith <333 God is soooooo sooooo good and faithful 😭  His timing may not be in line with our timing, but wow it’s soooo worth it. I am sooo, sooo incredibily thankful to the Lord for this journey. I learned so much about faith, patience, and trust in the Lord. I’ve neverrr been tested like this before but the Lord came through just like He always does. All glory, honor, and praise to God! HE IS AMAZING AND SOOOO GOOD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I pray & hope you are encouraged in your journey of faith & patience to obtain all the promises He has for you!! <333 He is faithful! 

JOURNAL ENTRIES

February 25th: 

“He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform.” Romans 4:20-21

When it comes to the promises of God, believe and be strengthened that it will come to pass in FAITH. Be fully convinced that God will fulfill His promises; do not waver through unbelief! Strengthen your faith daily through the word.

April 4th: 

“Now the men whom Moses sent to spy out the land, who returned and made all the congregation complain against him by brining a bad report of the land, those very men who brought the evil report about the land, died by the plague before the Lord.” Numbers 14:36-37 

Been learning a lot about the power of our words...when you use your tongue to bring an evil/bad report about the things/promises of God, it is very displeasing to Him. May I remember to not speak death or discouraging words regarding God’s promises - that they’re too good to be true, or doubt what He has promised. When God has proven and shown me His goodness and promises, I should never doubt His plans and future promises. I must trust in Him, never doubt Him, listen and obey His voice so I can receive His promises. 

April 5th: 

“But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’” Psalm 31:!4

Psalm 31:4

Even when David was persecuted and hated by everyone around him, his trust in God kept him going. He acknowledged the Lord as “his God” and trusted in Him despite what his eyes and ears were receiving from the world.

April 10th: 

O Lord of hosts, blessed is the man who trusts in You!” 

April 15th: 

“Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.” 1 Corinthians 16:13

May 23rd: 

“’Shall I yet again go out to battle against the children of my brother Benjamin, or shall I cease?’ And the Lord said, ‘Go up, for tomorrow I will deliver them into your hand.’” Judges 20:28

The Israelites inquired of the Lord what to do in battle 3 times - the first 2 times being that they lost many men in battle, wept, came before the Lord, fasted, and gave offerings. And when God told them to go to battle a third time, they didn’t hesitate to obey Him and came through victorious. With my current job situation, I’ve allowed my soul to be discouraged because I obeyed the Lord and did not receive the results I was expecting. However, this passage encouraged me and the Holy Spirit showed me that just because I obeyed and didn’t get the victory, doesn’t mean the victory hasn’t come yet - it’s all trust, obedience, and faith in the Lord and His timing.

May 30th: 

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened...how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” 

Matthew 7:7-8;11

God has sweetly reminded me that He hears me and the desires of my heart, and He will give to me what I ask in His will <3

June 4th: 

“Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him! Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.” Psalm 34:8-10

June 6th: 

“But when he saw that the wind was bolsterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, ‘Lord, save me!’ And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, ‘O you of little faith, why did you doubt?’″ Matthew 14:30-31

Peter sank when he based his faith on the things seen, on the natural. When he saw the heavy winds, he became afraid, his faith decreased, and he began to sink rather than trusting Jesus when He told him to come onto the water and walk. “Little faith” and “doubt” is caused by what we hear/see in the natural. Faith & confidence is caused by Jesus’ word and the unseen. Don’t base things on the natural!!

June 7th:

“For God commanded, saying, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and ‘He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.’” Matthew 15:4 

“Then Jesus answered and said to her, ‘O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire.’ And her daughter was healed from that very hour.” Matthew 15:25

This morning I was feeling confused and discouraged about the job situation once again. And I asked God if perhaps something was blocking the blessing? And He put on my heart that regarding my love and honor for my parents, it’s been lacking. So reading “Honor your father and your mother” in today’s reading is no coincidence. He reminded me that it’s not based on works, but it’s the heart. I must reconcile myself to them and forgive them and walk in love towards them. Also, He’s recognizing my great faith and says “Let it be to you as you desire” regarding my job <3

June 9th: 

“So Jesus said to them, ‘Because of your unbelief, for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.’” Matthew 17:20

June 16th: 

“Yes, the Lord will give what is good; and all land will yield its increase.” Psalm 85:12

The Lord is encouraging and speaking to me again about His provision for me with the job and finances. He gives what is good and will cause increase in my land <3

June 19th: 

“Our father trusted in You; They trusted, and You delivered them. They cried to You, and were delivered; They trusted in You, and were not ashamed.” Psalm 22:3-5

“Those who seek Him will praise the Lord. Let your heart live forever!” Psalm 22:26

I trust in the Lord, cry to Him, and seek Him, and He sees all of it. What I do is not in vain. He has delivered me and caused me not to be ashamed. God is telling me that I have been seeking Him because I praise Him. He put on my heart to seek Him first this year, and I feel that He is confirming with me that I have been seeking Him because I praise Him. My provision and job is coming...”and all these things shall be added to you.”

June 20th: 

“Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.” Psalm 37:3-5

June 25th: 

“Command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty, nor to trust in uncertain riches but in the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy.” 1 Timothy 6:17

“And now, O Lord, the word which You have spoken concerning Your servant and concerning his house, let it be establisehd forever, and do as You have said.” 1 Chronicles 17:25

As I put my trust in the Lord, the living God, He gives me richly all things to enjoy. I believe He is speaking to me yet again about His promises and that I am to pray as David did regarding His promises and provision for me. God has spoken to me that He will give me the desires of my heart, that He shall supply ALL my need, that whatever I ask for, I will receive, and so I must pray and proclaim that this word has been established forever and He will do as He said <3

July 5th: 

“Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” Psalm 62:8

July 12th: 

“There has not failed on word of all His good promises, which He promised through His servant Moses.” 1 Kings 8:56

All the promises God has promised, He keeps them ALL. Whatever He has promised will come to pass in my life. His promises never fail <3

July 13th:

 “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23

July 14th: 

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of the things not seen...By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.” Hebrews 11: 1,3

“But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” Hebrews 11:6

Father God, Thank You for Your love, thank You for reminding me to keep the faith and keep believing for my job at Classics. Although I do not have the job in the physical realm, I’ve already received it in the spiritual because You’ve promised and given it to me. I sure am learning faith and patience. Your timing is perfect. I receive my job according to Your will and timing. I trust in You, Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

July 17th:  “Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:3-4

“But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.” James 1:6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

Father God, Thank You for Your great love reminding me to keep the faith and be patient. My faith has definitely been tested regarding the job and it has produced much patience. Let patience have its perfect work in me and I pray against any doubt in my mind and cast it down. I am a woman of faith, not doubt. I trust in You with all my heart and acknowledge You in all my ways. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

[datingadviceonreddit]

This is my first post on reddit tho. I tried not to write so much but I did, the thing is I really need some advice cause he's been driving me crazy, I love him so soo much but I'll probably let him go due to my exhaustive useless efforts.AH, a little detail. He doesn't take any medications at all. He said he used to take until he was 16 or something, and then stopped cause it was making him worse instead of better. And he also had some issues with coke and pot addiction in his youth. And even when I met him, actually after a while, he showed me on video that he used to smoke a joint everyday after job, and also before sleeping. I myself am personally not into drugs, at that time, I only tried joint but I was terrible experiences, so I never did it again. But I was accepting him, just the way he was. And I never new of the existence of adult ADHD before, also.So, it begins with how we met. Super randomly, on instagram, July 2017, he found me and decided to message me (27F) because of a band we both (apparently) love (its maybe very clear in my username there). And we're both from completely different continents (europe and south america). We never talked much in the beginning, just basic stuff concerning our countries and musical taste. Later on we exchanged numbers, and started talking a lot by the end of September. We discovered that we have A TONE of similarities in SO MANY THINGS in our life, and a deep love for the universe and it's forces, that it was very scary and we started claiming we were soulmates. And also the very similar wishes in life, we clicked real good. In mid October we both realised that was becoming complicated, because we were falling in love.By that time, I was living in another state in my country, due to work, living in a shared apartment with other girlfriends. And he was working and living with his mom and older brother. At some point in October he opened up and said we should stop what was going on because he was actually seeing someone there and that was unfair with her, and also despite the fact that HELLO two different continents, and LDR's are complicated and stuff. But shortly after, I'd say one or two weeks, he was reaching me out again, saying he was too in love with me to ignore ''all the signs of the universe'', and he doesn't really loved the other girl to keep hooking up with her, so he was gonna stop seeing her and focus on me. I was not really seeing or interested in anyone and I was really loving the conversations with him, so I accepted it.By the end of December, we exchanged Christmas gifts, and he decided to buy a ticket to my country for the next year, cause in March we both were gonna have vacations. Ever since the beginning he was very attentive, and always send a lot of messages to me, with varied subjects, and he always loved to talk a lot (I loved having so much attention but I couldn't really do the same in my job) and he used to it even when he was working. We have built a really strong connection not only texting, but video-calling ALMOST EVERYDAY after both jobs (and 4 hours time gap).Closer to the day we were about to meet in-person, I was looking at his pictures on facebook and noticed something, call it stalking or not, but I observed it was not the first time he was gonna go to another continent for a 'love' match. He apparently dated a girl from USA before, and stayed there with her for the whole tourist visa period. This is something mentionable cause I asked him if he ever had a long-distance before and he very surely affirmed he never had it and he couldn't ever have it he thinks, cause he was someone very like "eye-to-eye". And said that what we were building was different because as soon as meeting personally and being sure of everything, we were gonna proceed other steps to be in the same continent together, no matter what. So... After my discover, I decided to talk with him about it and he was very comprehensive about my worries and said I got it all wrong, cause that was never really a serious relationship, he just wanted to visit USA and happened to have this "plus". Which doesn't look very fair cause in the girl`s media it seems like she was DEEPLY in love with him. I accepted his explanations but I kept it in mind, cause I'm a little paranoid maybe, but I started thinking he was a "trophy hunter". So I tried not to be so blindly in love, and just let it flow.So the time came to meet each other personally after 7 months online building all the feelings. We meet in the airport, and we were gonna go TO MY PARENTS HOUSE in another state, cause I always come to them when I have vacations, and thus there's a lot of beautiful nature, so we were gonna do some short travels (he was gonna stay for 2 weeks). And it was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING, and never clicked so insanely good with anyone before, I was afraid of everything. We were great friends, great lovers, great travel partners, everything was good and some "universe signs" kept appearing to us, like some small coincidences, or seeing numbers repeatedly when being somewhere, etc. My parents are divorced, and he happened to meet the both of them, and they both liked him a lot, although they don't speak a word of english. At the end of the second week, it was devastating to say goodbye so fast. And I was leaving back to the state I work as well.Back to our routines, we were sure we wanted each other like we never wanted anyone before. And we started looking for possibilities to be together. I was missing him a lot but I was doing okay in my routine, as always. BUT HE.... He was desperate. He started sending me sad messages saying how much we was missing me and how much it was breaking his heart and making him sad. He even sent audio and video messages showing that he was desperately crying. And I felt profoundly sad but I couldn't do anything really but ask him to calm down, give all my support and tell him to maybe seek for professional help, cause he didn't need to be like that, we're adults, we just needed to commit and work hard for what we were desiring. So he was doing his best to stay okay... And in the second week, he said he decided to go visit a friend of him. A girl (22F) he also met on instagram and became super close, like `real brothers`, he said she was a lesbian and she was english, living together with her swiss girlfriend in Switzerland (7 hours drive from his home). So he was mostly willing to do it so he could drive (which makes him calm) and refresh his mind with something different, cause he was feeling very bad like in a tunnel with no light. SO then again... I accepted it.He went on Tuesday and he spent 3 days there. He was quite normal, always sharing what he was doing with me, only in my morning of Thursday, when he was preparing to go back home, he was answering me a little different than usual towards cuddling subjects. He said it nothing, he was okay, just hurrying up to drive back home. And while he was driving back, I in my country was still in my working hours. Then all of a sudden I receive a message from this girl he went to visit on my instagram... Saying I shouldn't believe people so easily, cause sometimes they show something they aren't... And that I shouldn't go visit Europe, cause I was gonna be disappointed and it's dangerous since I'm not from there to be with a "stranger"........ I asked her what the hell was that random message and wtf was she trying to tell me??? So she confessed they talked a lot, and happened to kiss. I WAS WORKING, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I WAS IN SHOCK. I told her how come could it happen, cause he told me she was lesbian living with her girlfriend.... THEN SHE WAS MAD AS WELL...... Cause she is just sharing a house with her best friend and her family also, cause she's a little lost in life and had problems with pot, so she was there spending some time to get better.So long story short, I wanted to breakup right away with him through the phone, and he said he was deeply sorry for not being clear with it, and that it just happened because they smoked pot and it makes him weak blablabla....... On the next day I was devastated on my job, I didn't even wanted to go. And that girl was still sending me messages of how unfair he was with the both of us, and she asked if I could have a break to join them in a voicecall.... I managed to get it.... Just to get to know, they also fucked in the family sofa. Enough. Despite all this shit, everything was weird on my job, there was a lot of new apprentices and no superior was giving me feedbacks this day. By the end of day... My boss calls me to go to his room, together with the Art Director, and guess what? I was fired. One of the best agencies I've always worked and I learned so much. MY DAY LITERALLY FELL APART.AND IT WAS A FUCKING FRIDAY THE 13TH. UNBELIEVABLE. WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.So my boyfriend was still waiting for me to go back home, "so he could explain everything himself". And when I told I was fired he was also -apparently- devastated. I have never been cheated on before, and the way everything happened was completely insane. I'm glad I had lovely girlfriends living with me, cause I was really having an anxiety attack for a few hours, and they covered me super good. So I had the decision of letting the beast talk to me, and I answered the phone. Summing up, he showed to be extremely devastated and destroyed by everything that happened and he was not expecting it cause I was so marvellous and kind to him that it was really unfair with me, and he said the least he could do was at least book a last-minute flight to come to my country and say sorry on my face. Let's also make it clear we're not rich and such decisions are very impulsively insane, lol. And then again I, the dumbest of them all, I was doubting he could make such a crazy act (I have NEVER dealt with ADHD in my life, so I had no clue what I was passing through), so I sort of dared him to do it. And he did. He booked a flight for the next day, but with the time gap, he was gonna arrive Sunday night. My girlfriends were all ready to punch him in the face if necessary, or even call the police.So I talked to him. He said she was inventing the sex part, cause she was trying to seduce him, she was high and touching herself, and when he was about to put it in, he realised he couldn't do it with his girlfriend. I NEVER TRULY BELIEVED IT.... BUT LETS CONTINUE.... I want to make it clear here again, that I was never cheated on before in my life. BUT, I do cheated on someone before, twice. And the person forgave me. Twice. You can see what's coming... Yeah, I sort of believe that everyone deserves a second chance. Although this international drama novel WAS TOO MUCH FOR MY HEAD. LOL. So, I do believe that if you do something wrong, the universe will make you pay at some point. I'm not sure I deserved such a mindfuck really, but I tried to see it like this, and he was insisting so much that we were 'chosen' to be together, that I AGAIN, ACCEPTED IT.He spent a week with me, and we had plenty of time to put everything clean, in the table. I wish employers in my country were as comprehensive tho, he spent a fucking week away, invented some excuses and they accepted it. He went back to his country, and he was feeling so bad about me losing my job that he decided to leave his job in a Pet Shop store, but he also said it was the only way to spend more time with me when I was gonna go to Europe (cause that was the next step, after he seeing all my life in my country). But this was really the only way he could follow me, cause I also do some freelancing (design & photography), and I was planning to become a ''digital nomad'' full time in the following years. I'm feeling very abused now because I accepted too much from him... I even accepted hurrying up the plans for this lifestyle.... AND IT REQUIRES TIME... But I also understand that sometimes love can't wait. He was mostly used to work in stores and he's also been a plumber, musician, and event manager. But he was good writing, and was willing to do some volunteering works with me also, so we tried to plan some possibilities for him was well.He thought trying this lifestyle asap was gonna allow us to spend all this time together somewhere, exploring the world and working, without the need to wait separately (We talked about doing the Cohabitation contract for couples, and it requires 2 years of relationship). I had been dreaming about doing this for 3 years, so I WAS DREAMY, I WAS ENCHANTED with the idea, it was also awesome to have someone pushing me to finally realize my dreams. SO I ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN.Ah, but then my trauma with the cheating started. Even before I went to him, dude, I'm a super chill person in relationships, but I was extremely paranoid with everything about him. I love him, but I couldn't erase those feelings so easily... It was way to recent!!! And he was always very comprehensive, and gave me a lot of support. Then I went to him, and everything was new to me (I never left my country before) I was enchanted with the travel. I liked this family, and they liked me too, I liked his country, not so much the food, but everything was super nice. His friends also found me adorable and I liked them as well.Just so I don't write another gigantic story about the travels.... (But I'm making a blog and an instagram page about it), buttt long story short again...... We visited in total, around 16 countries. We did a eurotrip in a month and a half (we slept in his car, cheap airbnbs and couchsurfing to lower the expenses). And then we left to New Zealand. Where we both realised that SO MANY PEOPLE are travelling around like we always dreamed of. So we were proud of it.My last week before leaving to Oceania with him was a bit turbulent. We had some fights over the cheating again, and also because of... Cultural differences. In NZ, we were travelling and sleeping in a car. Together with this, there was not a lot of phone signal to have internet, and sometimes there's literally nothing but nature there, so it was hard to freelance. In the end we happened to spend more than gain, and it made the both of us super stressed out. And again, together with all these details, there was the cheating trauma. Although NZ is definitely my ''dream home'' now, I absolutely fell in love with the country, the people, the nature, the food, everything... Although... We had SEVERAL fights during this trip, now not only mentioning the cheat, but all the stress that was going on. I confess I tried to breakup with him 8 times, but we always talked a lot, and he insisted I was being impulsive and I should forget what happened also. In the last trial... It was him who was tired, I was gonna let me go, he was SO done with everything that happened and this sort of... Well, not very well-planned trip that was breaking us both. But I found some strength and thought it through... So then it was me saying he should stay calm and that we were gonna pass through these problems together and surpass it.But after that, everything became different. It started being like he was only standing me, because we knew I still had stuff AND DOCUMENTS back in his house in europe, so we were gonna need to go back together, before I leave to my country. We had very weird moments of ``too much love`` and also ``no love at all``. He sometimes were EXTREMELY childish in discussions, leaving me talking alone, saying we should talk another time... And mostly... "zoning out". Literally, acting as if I was not at his side, being completely in his bubble. Sleeping in the car, or sometimes in a bed, but SUPER far away from me, to the point of almost falling in the floor........ And dude, this happened more than 5 times, I guess. That was when I started reading about ADHD and I FINALLY understood such behaviours.... But it was useless to talk to him about this... He used to say I was saying he was sick, and he's not crazy, he's not mental... He doesn't need help cause he can take care of himself alone........ This is extremely complicated, but I tried to understand how he feels about it, and I actually tried to give all my support, although I sometimes was feeling like POOP close to him.The time came to go back to his house, then in the following weeks, he was becoming calmer again, and it was like the love was coming back. I spent two months there with him and his family, they are super lovely people. Before coming back to his home, we had a serious talk about turning the pages of everything that happened and focusing on the future now. And always TALK when there's something wrong, never left anything unsaid, cause it's not good for any of us. So we had this agreement, and everything was fine. Although in New Year's eve, he got drunk and said some weird things to me... I was also kinda drunk, but I remember everything, and he claims he doesn't remember a thing. He said I should leave him cause he was not the strong man I need, he was trying but he didn't feel like he can ever be it, that I need someone better and he was nothing... Etc....... I told him I was not gonna do it and I was gonna help him with anything he needs, always give my support to make him feel good.... I reminded him afterwards of all this talk we had and he was a little surprised with it.We were then super lovely with each other, everything was fine again... Except.... 1 - the fact that my time to go back to my country was almost coming. 2 - he was having a huge lack of sexual desire. 3 - although he was super lovely, he was extremely stressed out with all this. Together with the fact that he didn't have a job anymore, was almost broke, and the only way to start the Cohabitation procedure must be with he having a job as one of the requirements. I kept saying to him he should seek help to see this `stress` thing, but he kept repeating that he was broke an he couldn't, and also therapists just talk, so he wasn't gonna be helped. lol.He decided to come with me to my country, before starting to look for jobs. He spent a short time here with me and my family. And we had some conversations in which he said I was crazy to accept him after all that happened, and he tried to imply that maybe we've done enough for each other and it was time to split our ways.... But I mentioned turning the pages again, cause that's what I did. And although we passed through some problems, the good moments are bigger than the bad ones, and I was still sure we could make this through and stay together. He agreed to fight together. And he supported me saying I should move again to the city I was before, cause there's more and better opportunities for jobs for me, while we wait some more months for that procedure. He left to a lot of tears in the airport, from the both of us, and my mom was there too, also feeling emotional.OKAY.... NOW WE'RE HERE. Right now it's been almost 2 months being separated. It's been super hard, after 8 months being together with someone 24/7. We had some fights of course, who doesn't? But we had awesome times together, and I believed in his love so much, and I give him the best of me.Now.... He came back and he bought online courses of programming, I went to university, he never did. But he wants to have some background and a diploma as well. I HELPED HIM discovering this love for programming, and I put all my efforts to make him proud and help him find ways to study it. I'm so proud that he's finally focusing on studies!!! But then............... It's been 3 weeks that he all of a sudden stopped saying that he loves me (we used to say it everyday). And he's not even `cute` anymore, he's being completely cold and distant. Still talks a lot, but only about random subjects. I questioned him about his suddenly mood changes, and he's been giving me a different answer ever since....... One time he says its because he's too focused on the studies that he doesn't see he's being cold....... Another time he says its because he started thinking a little too much about the past, about all the fights, and it is putting so much weight on him, that he started feeling weird towards me......... And then he says he started thinking that he could START TRAVELLING ALONE because its something he always wanted and now he's locked in this relationship that he needs to focus to work out now............ And other time he says that due to the studies and those thoughts of the past and probabilities to travel alone, he became confused about us and he doesn't know anymore what he wants.........Also, I've been applying for jobs is his country, so we could make things faster maybe. Last Tuesday I had an e-mail from an agency in his country, inviting me for an interview! I was so extremely happy! I went to send him the new right away....... I RECEIVED THE WORST REACTION EVER. He treated it as if it was a spam message. He didn't believe it, and he was suddenly GONE for one hour. Came back to say he was super sorry for his reactions, and he was happy this for me.... And then he sent an audio message explaining he panicked with it, because he's been having enough stress with the studies, and his unnecessary pessimistic thoughts... He said he's been trying to tell me something for a while, but he's struggling with it and didn't find the right words still. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IN SUCH WORDS. Everything. This day. It was the last drop. The cherry of cake. I was done.So I told him he was gonna have this week all off my sight. Cause if he's confused about me, he shouldn't keep being cold but always talking random to me... He should GO THINK STRAIGHT. So that's it. We haven't been talking ever since Tuesday. I said we should talk this Sunday, but if ever he needed more time, he should let me know.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ALL THIS???? I need ideas and advice. I'm curious to know what's gonna come up from his mouth this time. I'm super done with all this.... It's like so much efforts was in vain.... But I still love him absurdly. I'm contemplating if its the time to leave this boat, or if we should keep trying. I'm emotionally drained, I invested too much efforts on this for the long run and now I really would only be able to stay if it would be to have a calm and more open and mature relationship. via /r/dating_advice

[gyrlversion]

Australian war widow Daphne Dunne dies aged 99

Australian war widow Daphne Dunne – who won Prince Harry’s heart during his royal visits Down Under – has died aged 99 just days after receiving a birthday card from the Duke of Sussex and Meghan Markle.

Ms Dunne’s daughter Michelle Haywood revealed last Friday she had been suffering from a long bout of pneumonia but that the royals had comforted her during difficult times. 

She passed away at the Sydney Adventist Hospital on Monday, three days after her birthday, with Ms Haywood and one of her granddaughters by her side.

‘She fought as hard as she could but it just got too much,’ Ms Haywood said. ‘It’s just so sad. You always want that little bit more.’ 

Prince Harry first spotted a replica Victoria Cross pinned to Mrs Dunne’s chest at the Sydney Opera House after he completed a deployment with the Australian Defence Force in 2015.

They met again in 2017 during a rainy Invictus Games launch event, before Harry introduced Ms Dunne to his new wife Meghan Markle outside the Opera House during the royal couple’s visit to Sydney last year. 

A spokesman for the royal family said the Duke and Duchess were ‘deeply saddened by the news’ and will write to Daphne’s relatives privately. The spokesman added: ‘Their thoughts are with Daphne’s family and friends at this difficult time.’ 

When Harry met Daphne: Prince Harry meets war widow Daphne Dunne, then 98, outside Sydney Opera House. She received a personalised card from him for her 99th birthday

Daphne Dunne’s first meeting with Prince Harry at the Sydney Opera House on May 7, 2015

Prince Harry meets war widow Daphne Dunne for the second time in Sydney on June 7, 2017

The war widow was pictured in her hospital bed just days ago, reading the card sent to her by Harry 

Daphne charmed the hearts of everyone she met – including David Beckham, pictured here with her at the Invictus Games in 2018

DAPHNE AND HARRY 

MAY 7, 2015: Prince Harry and Daphne Dunne meet outside the Sydney Opera House after he spots her wearing a replica Victoria Cross. 

JUNE 7, 2017: The pair catch-up and share a hug at an Invictus Games launch event. 

OCTOBER 16, 2018: Prince Harry introduces Ms Dunne to his new wife Meghan Markle outside the Opera House. 

On Friday Daphne appeared on the Today Show where reporters read out Prince Harry’s birthday message live on air. 

‘Dear Daphne, my wife and I send our warmest wishes to you on the occasion of your 99th birthday on Friday,’ the card read.

‘We hope you have a wonderful celebration surrounded by family and friends and that you’ve managed to escape hospital.  

‘Congratulations on reaching this important and impressive milestone before your centenary year next year. 

‘Happy Birthday Daphne. 

‘Best wishes, Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.’ 

Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison has also paid tribute to Daphne on social media, saying his thoughts were with her family and friends.

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex meeting Daphne during a walkabout outside the Sydney Opera House on the first day of the Royal couple’s visit to Australia in 2018

Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison paid tribute to Daphne on social media, saying his thoughts were with her family and friends 

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex wrote to Daphne Dunne to mark her 99th birthday last week

Ms Dunne’s first husband Albert Chowne was killed during a raid on the Japanese in Papua New Guinea on March 25, 1945. He received the Victoria Cross for his bravery and Daphne often represented him at events

Daphne passed away at the Sydney Adventist Hospital on Monday, three days after her birthday, with Ms Haywood and one of her granddaughters by her side.

Social media is awash with emotional tributes to the 99-year-old, pictured here in her hospital bed on her birthday 

Prince Harry introduced Meghan to Daphne Dunne during the couple’s royal tour of Australia in 2018

Ms Dunne spent her birthday with Ms Haywood, grandchildren Katie and Charlie, and nieces Denise, Robyn and Lynette, as well as her pomeranian Meeko.

‘She had the most beautiful day, surrounded by so much love and colour and flowers,’ Ms Haywood said.

‘Everyone that walked past her hospital room was just blown away. No one could believe it was a hospital room.

‘The staff were amazing. They made mum’s last few days beautiful.’ 

Ms Haywood, who is the daughter of Ms Dunne’s second husband, said on Friday: ‘Meghan and Harry have gotten mum through this terrible illness she’s had.’

‘She’s still very unwell and I think the card they’ve sent means so much. I think it will be the thing that gets her through.’ 

Ms Dunne’s first husband Albert Chowne was killed during a raid on the Japanese in Papua New Guinea on March 25, 1945.

He received the Victoria Cross for his bravery.

Daphne on the Sydney Harbour Bridge in Sydney, New South Wales, Australia, in October 2018. She was invited to open the new lifts at the bridge

The Duchess of Gloucester, Duke of Gloucester, Daphne Chowne and Arthur Chowne (Albert’s father)

‘I would rather he had remained ordinary and alive’: The heartbreaking story behind war widow Daphne Dunne’s special bond with Prince Harry – and her terrible loss

Mrs Dunne’s first husband Albert Chowne was killed during WWII

By Stephen Gibbs 

Daphne Dunne captured the hearts of millions when she caught up with Prince Harry in Sydney last year for another smooch – the third time the pair has met in three years. 

But behind those charming images of the duke and the 98-year-old war widow is a tale of young love, extraordinary bravery and terrible loss.

Prince Harry first spotted a replica Victoria Cross pinned to Mrs Dunne’s chest at the Sydney Opera House after he completed a deployment with the Australian Defence Force in 2015. 

‘He asked me about the Victoria Cross,’ Mrs Dunne said back then. ‘He said he recognised that and wanted to know all about it.’ 

The original VC, awarded to Mrs Dunne’s first husband Albert Chowne, is in the Australian War Memorial (AWM) in Canberra along with decorations including a Military Medal also awarded to Chowne in World War II.

Chowne was one of just 20 Australians to receive the Victoria Cross – the Commonwealth’s highest award for battlefield bravery – during World War II. 

Prince Harry spent 10 years in the British Army, serving twice in Afghanistan. It is that shared military history and the young royal’s interest in war veterans that has endeared him to Mrs Dunne. 

‘He does a lot for everyone but he seems to dote on soldiers that have been wounded… that’s the reason,’ she said last year. ‘It doesn’t matter about me, he helps make them feel a bit better.’ 

Lieutenant Albert Chowne was just 24 when he was killed in action in New Guinea in 1945

Albert Chowne was born in Sydney on July 19, 1920 and attended Chatswood Boys Intermediate High School and later Naremburn Junior Technical School. 

In 1935 he began working as a shirt cutter at David Jones where he would meet Daphne May Barton.

Chowne played tennis and rugby union and spent a brief stint in the 36th Militia Battalion before enlisting in the AIF on May 27, 1940. 

He was initially assigned to the 2nd/13th Battalion as platoon and later company runner.

Albert Chowne was initially assigned to the 2nd/13th Battalion as platoon and later company runner

The unit arrived in the Middle East in November 1940 and Chowne served at Tobruk for eight months the following year. While there, Chowne was promoted to corporal. 

After Tobruk his battalion performed garrison duties in Syria where Chowne was promoted to sergeant. He was wounded in the leg and hand at El Alamein and spent three weeks in hospital. 

Chowne returned to Australia with the battalion in January 1943 before moving to New Guinea in July. He was awarded the Military Medal for twice crawling close to enemy positions to direct mortar fire. 

‘Regarded as exceptionally cool by his comrades, Chowne combined fearlessness with a self-effacing manner,’ according to the AWM. 

He was commissioned as a lieutenant in January 1944 and married Daphne, a corporal in the Australian Women’s Army Service, on March 15 that year at St Philip’s Anglican Church in Sydney.

After completing jungle warfare training course at Canungra in south-east Queensland, Chowne was posted to the 2nd/2nd Battalion in October 1944. 

His unit was sent to New Guinea two months later. ‘Chowne brought a reputation for bravery and leadership to his new unit,’ the AWM website states. 

‘In March 1945 he carried out a one-man patrol in daylight, at one stage entering an empty hut and rifling through the belongings of Japanese soldiers, one of whom he shot when he was discovered. 

‘Some who knew him believed that Chowne was destined to either win the Victoria Cross or be killed in action. Sadly both happened.’

Ms Dunne’s first husband Albert Chowne was killed during a raid on the Japanese in Papua New Guinea on March 25, 1945 and received the Victoria Cross, alongside a number of other medals, for his bravery

The Governor-General presented Albert Chowne’s Victoria Cross at Admiralty House in 1947

Daphne Chowne was presented with Albert Chowne’s Military Medal in 1947 as his next of kin

On March 25 1945, the leading platoon in Chowne’s company ran into trouble attacking a Japanese position near Dagua. Chowne left cover and charged the enemy. 

In the ensuing action he ascended a steep, narrow track and managed to silence two light machine guns with grenades as he fired his sub-machine gun from his hip. 

Under intense fire and twice wounded in the chest, Chowne continued to charge a Japanese foxhole and took out two more enemy before he was killed. He was 24.

Chowne’s bravery enabled the attack to continue and, according to his VC citation, paved the way for the 6th Division’s advance on Wewak. 

Daphne turned 24 four days after her husband was killed. A bunch of red roses Chowne sent to mark her birthday arrived just before news of his death. 

‘I am proud for him but it doesn’t make up for everything,’ she told the Sydney Morning Herald in September 1945. ‘I would rather he had remained just ordinary and was alive. He was a wonderful man and a grand husband. 

‘I have no plans for the future. It is all dead to me now.’ 

The Governor-General, Prince Henry, the Duke of Gloucester – the Queen’s uncle – presented Albert Chowne’s VC to Daphne at Admiralty House in 1947 and she subsequently presented it and his other medals to the AWM. 

Daphne later married Corporal John Dunne of the 2nd/29th Battalion, who had been captured in Malaya in 1942 and was imprisoned at Changi. 

Albert Chowne was buried in the Lae War Cemetery. A street in Canberra was named after him, as was a community hall in Willoughby on Sydney’s lower north shore.

    The post Australian war widow Daphne Dunne dies aged 99 appeared first on Gyrlversion.

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[wrestlingisfake]

Wrestle Kingdom 13 preview

This is New Japan’s 28th annual January 4th stadium show (and the 13th time it’s been called “Wrestle Kingdom.”)  In Japan the New Year is a multi-day celebration, where kids are given money and many businesses are closed through 1/3, so running a 1/4 show is kind of like doing an after-Christmas sale, except you spend your money on wrestling.

This show is scheduled to start Friday at 4pm in Tokyo.  I think the pre-show match will be at 4, and then they’ll take a break and the main card’s opening match will be at 5.  The main card will probably run about four or five hours, if not longer.  You can check your local start time here.   Watching the show live is fun, but planning your sleep around it can be exhausting, so don’t feel bad about catching it on-demand over the weekend.

Kenny Omega vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi - Omega is defending the IWGP heavyweight championship, which is essentially New Japan’s world title.  Tanahashi won the 2018 G1 Climax tournament to earn this title shot. 

The build for this match has revolved around the idea of a difference in styles.  In the 2000s, Tana led NJPW out of a decline into a new boom period, largely built around the Japanese strong style.  Omega, who sees himself as the Next Big Thing, believes the company should shift to a mix of styles to better appeal to an international audience.  You can kind of liken this to the conflict between Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels in the mid-90s--old school versus new school, solid fundamentals and realism versus showmanship and some irreverance.  Frankly, I haven’t heard much of Tanahashi’s side of things, so it’s come across to me like Kenny is making a mountain out of a molehill, but there you go.

Tanahashi was literally the company’s ace for about a decade, but he hasn’t held the IWGP title in five years, and his story arc since then has been about slowly falling out of the limelight while Kazuchika Okada has picked up the ball.  Major defeats and real-life injuries were heavily emphasized in early 2018, to set up the reversal of him winning the G1 Climax in dominant fashion.  So now at 42, he’s doing the big “still got something left in the tank” comeback, which has reenergized his fanbase.  His G1 final victory was one of my favorite matches of the year, and it’s been a treat to see him back on top.

Omega famously moved up from the junior heavyweight division in 2016--taking over Bullet Club and introducing The Elite in the process--leading to an epic rivalry with Okada for the title.  The Okada/Omega feud basically broke Dave Meltzer’s scale, producing six-star ratings and finally an unthinkable seven-star match.  Omega is at the top of his game in New Japan, and arguably where he always wanted to be.  But his contract is expiring this month, and the Elite have vowed to stick together, and most of them have already declared their intention to start their own US promotion, All Elite Wrestling.  It’s not yet clear if Omega wil leave NJPW for AEW, or if he can somehow do both; it’s not impossible that he could pass on AEW and stay in NJPW, although that would be a surprising turn.  Omega’s future plans could dictate the outcome of this match, which means the outcome may be our first sign of what those plans might be.

I’m expecting a Match of the Year candidate from these two.  Is it going to be some insanely perfect match that breaks Meltzer’s scale again?  It’s not worth raising expectations that high.  If it’s “only” 4¾ it’ll still be fucking fantastic, and then you’ve got the drama of Tana’s comeback and Omega’s possible farewell on top of that.

My gut says it’s time for Omega to lose the title, and time for Tanahashi to win it.  Even if Omega re-signs (or continues with the company as a free agent), I think the time is right for him to get knocked down and get back up.  And if Omega is leaving, there’s no better way to go out than on top, doing the honors for a living legend in the main event, and giving a final bow to the crowd at the Tokyo Dome.

Chris Jericho vs. Tetsuya Naito - Jericho defeated Naito to capture the IWGP intercontinental championship back in June, so this is the rematch.  A stipulation has been added that neither man can be disqualified, at Jericho’s request during the contract signing.

Jericho unexpectedly came to New Japan in 2017 to set up what seemed to be a one-off match with Kenny Omega for Wrestle Kingdom 12 last year.  Perhaps sensing that he couldn’t steal the show in terms of workrate or technical finesse, Jericho reinvented himself as an out-of-control brawler, which at least set him apart from the regular headliners.  Just when we thought he was gone, though, he assaulted Naito on the January 5 show (New Year’s Dash) to set up his next big program.  It’s really a perfect rivalry, since Naito is all about remaining totally chill, whereas Jericho’s current character is uptight, frustrated, and in his own words “fucking crazy.”  In their first match, Jericho pretty much brutalized Naito in shocking fashion to win the title, so this is less about the gold than Naito getting some payback.

Jericho has hyped this match by arguing that he’s never lost to a Japanese man since returning to New Japan.  It’s not a very impressive stat, since he’s only had three matches in this run and he’s 2-1.  But it’s about all he can hang his hat on, since everybody knows he’s basically the aging star who will put over the big stars at the end of each of his feuds.  The only reason anyone would think Jericho could win this match would be to set up a future match so he can just lose to Naito later.  That’s okay--not every feud has to be an unpredictable  pick-’em--although I am impressed with his ability to make the most of the situation, and still come across like a major test for Naito.

The irony of Naito being favored to regain the intercontinental title is that he infamously thinks the championship is redundant and unimportant.   (In his first reign, he tossed the belt around like it was trash, letting it literally fall apart.)  So in theory winning this match would be a prestigious moment, except he’s going to be handed a prize he explicitly does not want or care about.  I’m sort of curious how they’ll book a third IC title run for Naito, and I think we’re about to find out.

Kazuchika Okada vs. Jay White - This is a pure grudge match, plain and simple. 

A year ago Kenny Omega tried to recruit White for Bullet Club, but Jay swerved him and accepted Okada’s invitation to join CHAOS.  Within ten minutes of joining the stable, White literally promised that he would betray Okada, to Okada’s face.  Jay went on to a beat Kenny Omega for the US title, stole the show in the San Fransciso, and then scored wins over Okada and Tanahshi in the G1 Climax.  When Tana won G1, White logically deserved a chance to challenge him for the Wrestle Kingdom title shot, but Tana preferred to challenge Okada instead.  After Tanahashi beat Okada in September, White laid them both out with help from Okada’s right-hand man Gedo, and demanded a match with Tana.  White came up short against Tanahashi in October, so he and Gedo beat Tana down; Okada ran in to make the save.  Bullet Club (which had by then separated from Omega’s Elite) interfered to reveal White and Gedo were now part of the faction.  Jay White has since been acknowledged as the undisputed leader of Bullet Club, bringing his 2018 full circle.

Needless to say, it’s been a huge year for White.  It’s amazing to think that he only returned from excursion a little over a year ago, and that he was a curtain jerker before that.  If Kenny Omega is really on his way out, there’s a huge spot opening for the top foreigner, and it’s pretty clear who NJPW has earmarked for that role.  But what’s more amazing is that he’s risen to the occasion.  Jay White always had this deer-in-headlights look, and his Switchblade gimmick felt like a WWE-esque attempt to market a stringy-haired white boy as a deadly badass.  I wanted him to do well, but I didn’t expect much; I never dreamed he’d be capable of what he’s accomplished.

Meanwhile, Okada has been doing sort of a slump storyline, where he’s struggled to find his way after Omega ended his two-year title reign back in June.  His slump fits perfectly with White’s rise, since Jay clearly thinks he’s finishing off a has-been, and Okada needs to resist that kind of thinking if he’s ever going to get back on top.  The big question, of course, is whether White wins here to send Okada tumbling further down, or if Okada finally gets the big victory that has eluded him for six months.  Either man could recover from a loss down the road, which means anything could happen here, which is pretty exciting.  But the Ranmaker is The Guy in New Japan these days, and I’ve long since learned not to bet against him.  Okada wins. 

KUSHIDA vs. Taiji Ishimori - Ishimori is challenging for the IWGP junior heavyweight title.  Ishimori was introduced in April as Bullet Club’s new “Bone Soldier” (the previous one had been lovable jobber Captain New Japan, so this was an improvement).  He was the runner up in the Best of the Super Juniors tournament, losing a great match to Hiromu Takahashi.  Between Takahashi’s injury, Will Ospreay’s chase for the NEVER title, and Marty Scurll’s probable departure, it looks like Ishimori is the future of this division.  To prove it he’ll have to beat Kushida, who has dominated the junior division for years.

There have been rumors of Kushida possibly going to WWE (which would have been unthinkable a year or two ago, but that just goes to show how much things are shaking up in pro wrestling lately).  Of course, I haven’t heard a timetable, so for all I know he could really be leaving, but not for another six months, which would have no impact on this match.  Even so, New Japan needs to decide which guy they’re going to build this division around.  If Ishimori’s the guy, now is the time; it’s just that simple.

Cody Rhodes vs. Juice Robinson - Cody won the IWGP United States title from Juice in September, and Juice has been trying to get this rematch ever since.  Aside from the Global Wars tour with ROH, Cody hasn’t appeared with New Japan for three months, so the angle to finally make this match ended up being “New Japan just announced it one day.”

Cody has officially signed with the new All Elite Wrestling promotion, as both a wrestler and an executive vice president, so this may well be his last match in New Japan.  By all rights, he should give Juice a star-making performance and then put him over to set up another top foreigner.  But I can’t shake the feeling that there’ll be some kind of twist in the story to make me wonder where the hell they’re going with it.  Maybe it’s because I’m used to shitty WWE booking, or maybe it’s because I was so annoyed that Cody won the title from Juice in the first place.  We’ll just have to see.  But on paper, I have to think Cody does the job.

Tama Tonga & Tanga Loa vs. EVIL & SANADA vs. Matt Jackson & Nick Jackson - The Guerillas of Destiny (Tama and Loa) are the defending IWGP heavyweight tag team champions.  Evil and Sanada earned this title match by winning the 2018 World Tag League tournament, notably defeating the champs in the finals.  By all rights Evil and Sanada should get a 2-on-2 match, but the Young Bucks (Nick and Matt) pointed out that they never received a rematch after they lost the tag title to GOD in September.  So this match is a three-way, and the first team to score a fall on either opposing team wins the match and the championship.

Like Cody, the Bucks have officially signed with AEW, which may or may not spell the end of their New Japan run.  Logically, they should lose the fall, but it’s harder to say whether GOD or the spoopy creppy bois will end up with the title.  New Japan seems to be higher on Evil than anybody else in this match.  It probably doesn’t help that Tama Tonga is always doing this Brian Pillman shit where he acts like a lunatic that wants to get himself fired, to the point that I just assume he’ll be in the doghouse and lose his key matches.  If it was me, I’d push GOD hard.  But it’s not me, so Evil and Sanada are probably going to win.

Tomohiro Ishii vs. Zack Sabre, Jr. - Ishii is defending the Revolution Pro British heavyweight title.  RevPro has a working relationship with New Japan, and has been content to let the title be the centerpiece of a feud between Ishii and Suzuki-gun’s Minoru Suzuki and Sabre.  (In fact, Sabre is the only British person to have held the British title in the last three-and-a-half years.)  I’ve never gotten into either of these guys as much as, say, Dave Meltzer, but I do like the mix of “mean headbutt-y fireplug” and “submissions expert twink.”  Seems only right that the Brit should win, but I’m not sure RevPro actually cares.

Yoshinobu Kanemaru & El Desperado vs. SHO & YOH vs. Shingo Takagi & BUSHI - Despy and Kanemaru are defending the IWGP junior heavyweight tag team championship.  This is actually a rematch of the 2018 Super Jr. Tag League tournament final, which Roppongi 3K (Sho and Yoh) won to earn this title match.  It’s not clear why Takagi and Bushi were added, but I suppose since they didn’t lose the fall in the tournament final, it can be argued they deserved a spot.  Anyway, it’s another three-way, so the first team to score a fall wins the match and the title.

Five out of six of these guys have been feuding over the title for nearly a year--originally it was Hiromu Takahashi teaming with Bushi, but Shingo was introduced to fill that spot after Hiromu’s neck injury.  Three-way feuds aren’t totally bad, but when the division only has three teams, it’s way too obvious that the feud is just lazy “put ‘em all in there” booking.  I would really like to see Sho and Yoh win the belts, and then see the other two teams split and go after the junior singles title while some new junior teams emerge.  But I’m not counting on it.  I could easily see Despy and Kanemaru retaining to drag this out further.

Kota Ibushi vs. Will Ospreay - Ibushi is defending the NEVER openweight championship.  (NEVER was sort of a spinoff brand that New Japan experimented with several years ago; all that’s left of it now are its titles.)  Originally the plan was for Ospreay to enter this match as champion, but he was sidelined with a rib injury so they eventually moved the title onto Ibushi instead.

This is technically the opening match for the main show.  One of the big stories you’ll hear about this show is that it’s so stacked that Ospreay vs. Ibushi--a dream match with very high expectations--is just the opener.  Personally, it hasn’t sunk in for me how big this could be.  I like both guys, and I’ve seen them have incredible matches, but I never really considered the implications of them working together on a big stage.  That’s probably a good place to be, since I won’t have myself worked up for an instant mega-classic where a “merely” great match would disappoint.

What really interests me is the idea of Ospreay winning the openweight title.  In theory the championship is designed for heavyweights and juniors to fight over, but in practice it’s primarily been passed around heavyweights.  (Ibushi isn’t much bigger than Ospreay, but he’s technically billed as a heavyweight.)  It would be a big loss to the junior division if Ospreay left that behind to defend against guys like Jeff Cobb or Zack Sabre or Evil, but those matches would be fresh and intriguing.  A year of Ospreay getting clobbered by heavyweights but hanging on to the title would be pretty cool.  Of course, they could be meaning to do that basic idea with Ibushi instead, so I could see either guy winning.  But I’m pulling for Ospreay.

I really hope these two don’t kill each other landing on their necks a lot. 

Trios gauntlet match - This is to determine the #1 contender team for the NEVER openweight six-man tag team championship.  The match will start with two trios; when one team wins a fall, the other is eliminated, and another team enters the match.  Teams will continue to enter one by one, giving a natural advantage to the final team.  The last team remaining wins, and goes on to  challenge Taiji Ishimori & Tama Tonga & Tanga Loa for the title on January 5 at New Year’s Dash.  Normally, the championship team would be defending the title in this match, but Ishimori and GOD were already committed to other title matches higher on the card.

The scheduled teams are:

Togi Makabe & Toru Yano & Rysuke Taguchi

Minoru Suzuki & Davey Boy Smith, Jr. & Lance Archer

Hangman Page & Marty Scurll & Yujiro Takahashi

Hirooki Goto & Chuckie T & Beretta

Yuji Nagata & Jeff Cobb & David Finlay

There probably won’t be much in the way of angles in this match, although there are some issues worth noting.  Makabe and Yano were a tag team before a nasty falling out years ago, but they found themselves on the same side recently while aiding Tanahshi and Okada against Bullet Club.  Hangman Page is known to be headed for AEW, and Scurll may be following him in a few months; Yujiro is going nowhere, and if he’s ever going to turn on the Elite, this is as good a time as any.  Chuckie T and Beretta were having some issues last month where Chuckie kept getting their team disqualified, so that’ll probably come up in some form here.  Yuji Nagata was a late addition, replacing Michael Elgin due to a knee injury.

It’s impossible to predict a winner in this thing.  On paper I think the Minoru Suzki/Killer Elite Squad group is the strongest combo.  Of course, if they start the match, their chanc’s’f winnin’ drast’lly go down.

[just-tryin-to-figure-it-out]

One way text chain

Saturday March 11th, 2017: Spring break. We got down there late in the night, you weren’t feeling the best. A bit of a headache. We went to sleep, gearing up for the McGuire's 5k the next morning.

Sunday March12th, 2017: We did the 5k. You were on cloud 9 until the alcohol-induced high wore off hours after the party. A trip to the clinic and some medication had you back at the condo sleeping like the devil himself put you under.

Monday, March 13th, 2017: We picked up Cassidy. You said all you needed was the caffeine injection of coffee into your bloodstream, that the nausea and headache had been from withdrawal. We went grocery shopping and chilled for the rest of the day. Smoked a little, and relaxed, your pain behind us.

Tuesday, March 14th, 2017: You went back to the ER, hopefully, to get better.

Thursday, March 15th, 2017:  This was a rough day. You spent 6 hours in an ER, violently ill, waiting for a doctor to see you. Nothing was improved, and they basically treated you like you were some stupid spring breaker who had drunk too much. We spent the day without, I felt like an outsider. I missed you...

Friday, March 17th, 2017: You spent the entire day heaving over the toilet in your parent's house. Not a word from you. You didn’t sleep at the condo the night before. We were nearing the last few days of our trip, and the only moment you had gotten to enjoy was the morning of the 5k. We were contemplating having to go back without you because you were so ill.

Sunday, March 19th, 2017: We left without you. We were told by your mother that you were up and even keeping down some food. It’s more than has been in your stomach for five days. A few more days of recovery and then you would be home again with me and back to work. Only a few more days.

Monday, March 20th, 2017: It has been a day since we got back, you went back to the hospital. More waiting, they just don't seem to know what the hell is going on. This is a different hospital, your mom thought it would be quicker and more revealing as to what the hell was going on. I didn’t know this would be the last time we texted.

Thursday, March 23rd, 2017: I hadn’t heard from you in a few days. Nothing from your parents either. It is well past when you were supposed to be back up here. I still didn’t know how serious it had gotten.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017: You’ve been in the hospital for a few days now. You are comatose, quickly losing weight, and they have no fucking clue what is happening. I have been added to several text chains by your mother, and I am being kept in the loop. But it all feels like a dream, I still don't really believe this has happened. Your parents are grilling me for any little clue as to what might have happened... I have no fucking idea. I'm numb.

Saturday, May 27th, 2017: School is getting more difficult, we are starting to talk about what we should do with your apartment. You are getting better... you aren’t at risk of dying anyway... at least that’s what we thought. Your heart has stopped 3 times now... it felt like my own was stopping too. The world is spinning so fast for me and it isn’t fair because it’s not spinning at all for you.

Tuesday, June 6th, 2017: It has been three months since things first started happening. You are out of the hospital, finally. But things have intensified so so much... You can’t talk, walk, move your arms... you nearly died. They have put you into a rehabilitation center, you are improving every day.

Sunday, June 11th, 2017: There hasn’t been much change. You are still doing aggressive therapy, your parents are being amazing. Videos and pictures have been shared high and low in the group chat for you. Everyone is trying to stay upbeat. It looks like you are improving so quickly! It’s been so long since I heard your voice, or got a text from you. It feels like I am on an island alone

Thursday, June 22nd, 2017: It’s amazing how much you have improved in these few days. It seems like the light is blaring in front of us and the end is in sight. But of course, it always goes away. The anger is building in me, reaching its crescendo and I don't know what will happen when I snap. You aren’t there to guide me down, and I'm not there to help you rise... it’s all fucked up. But I'm trying to stay positive.

Sunday, August 6th, 2017: A lot of shit has happened. You went back to the hospital twice. Once for pneumonia, and once for seizures. Both times I feared I would get a call that your heart had stopped again. Your rats died... That fucker you called a roommate let them starve to death. I release some of that pent-up rage on him, it felt good. I'm fucking terrified to see you.

Tuesday, August 29th, 2017: That was a really fucking rough week for me, and for you. You were so aggressive, so “fuck the world let me die”. It broke my fucking heart. I'm back home but I feel so lost without you. You are getting so angry, and who the fuck can blame you? This whole thing is the plot to some twisted Stephen King book.

Sunday, September 10th, 2017: Haley left Java right after I got back from seeing you. That means I am the only manager right now. We lost half our staff to college.... I'm working every single day and school started back up. I'm running on fumes right now. I haven’t called, I feel so bad but I literally have no fucking time. You are still improving, but it’s slowing down. It has me worried... I'm a pessimist... what if you don't come back? What if I haven’t done enough to help you?

Saturday, October 14th, 2017: I don't even know anymore, I feel like a fucking bomb. It’s all garbage. There’s been a hurricane, regression, aggression, loneliness... I haven’t called still. I'm an ass. I'm alone. You’re alone.... What is the fucking point? And you know the best fucking part about this whole thing? They NEVER EVEN FIGURED OUT WHAT HAPPENED! How this happened... what the fuck nearly killed you....

Sunday, November 4th, 2017: It’s been 9 fucking months since all of this shit happened. 9 months without you. 9 months of you being trapped in physical hell. They were so fucking optimistic... 1-2 years and she’ll be good as new. And you are making SO much progress, but you are so damn stubborn. You are regressing, and what the fuck are we supposed to do to fix it? To help you understand that you are getting so much better? I'm coming to see you in March, we are going to re-walk the 5k that started all of this shit, even if I have to wheel you down the road myself.

[stannamarsh]

#MeToo/#HimThough Story

How Responsible Am I?

Posted by onedayatatimehealing on October 19, 2017

My condition may appear inconsistent because of its complexity. It’s hard to live in my storm, even harder to articulate my experience and to feel that explaining and making others understand my experience is my responsibility. But I wanted to understand what happen, and to suss out exactly what happened. I don’t blame myself. That’s what the predator wants. I survived. Now healing and rebuilding my life should be my focus.

It began in May 2013. I had drinks with the individual at a local pub in my town just as friends. At the time, I was in a long distance relationship with a guy. The guy and I went to my bedroom, just to chat and he began touching my groin area without my permission, even after I told him that I had a boyfriend. In August 2013, I had broken up with the boyfriend and made the decision to go see the perpetrator. I was drinking heavily at the time and going toward alcoholism. I will blame myself for a long time. I will admit that I initiated this contact. Things seemed alright for a couple of weeks. I helped him move from one apartment to the other. His dad briefly met me but was not aware of who I was. About a month later, when I text him, he accuses me of “blowing him up’ and gets really nasty, wanting to rub my nose in the fact that we were on the down low and never dated or had a publicly acknowledged relationship. I end things.

In July 2014, he comes back. I work at a local call center. He apologizes and I somehow believe that he’s changed. He hasn’t. I start giving him rides because he works at a local dairy in a small town outside of where we live. He withholds even more affection. During this time, he’s moved to a home a friend of his owns in another neighborhood. The friend no longer trusts him either. I start drinking in a clearly alcoholic way at this point. During one encounter, I tell him to stop having anal sex with me and he just continues anyway and holds me down, making me bleed. Soon, he moves to LA and I’m free of him.

While he’s living in California for a couple of years, he badgers me for free porn while he jerks off during his job at Experis. Experis fires him in the Spring of 2016 and he returns to our home state. By this time, he is engaged in heavy use of cocaine, ecstasy, and amphetamines. He threatens the friend he used to live with, accusing him of theft and shows up at this guys house in order to harass him. The cops are called again. He has violent outbursts and poor hygiene. He begins openly dating a friend of mine. On 4/20, he gets arrested at a local bar in town. He hurts and demoralizes my friend. I begin dating another guy, but I was in no state to be in a relationship and it was soon over.

Around the time of the inauguration, the individual tries to get back in my life. He starts talking about how he believes that “feminism is a cancer” when I am about to go to the March on Washington.

I’m rid of him for quite some time. My life improves. This August, I stupidly let him back into my life. He’s 30 years old and living with his parents. Because of the DUI he got, he has no vehicle and relies on rides. Despite having a degree in the sciences, he’s working low wage food service and retail. He apologizes in a way that looks sincere. I stupidly agree to sneak into his house. His dad doesn’t know. This whole situation ended when he detained me in his home on Friday, The 13th, 2017 and wouldn’t let me leave because his dad was in the kitchen making breakfast and didn’t know I was there. Though, this was not the first time he violated my basic human rights. He’s was dismissive, denies my experience, held me down and even when I told him to slow down, he didn’t, so I just lay there and got it over with. I sneak out of the house. The dad may or may not have had any idea until the cops showed up at his house that Monday. He may not still. The father is a really nice person. He may not have any idea what his son is actually like.

My experience false somewhere between sex abuse and acquaintance rape. I have spent ages trying to ascertain that it was real, that it fit the definition, that I wasn’t to blame for choosing to be involved with this person. Luckily, I’ve answered all of those questions with a resounding “Yes” and I have begun the healing process. What I’ve experienced is further complicated by the fact that I’m a recovering alcoholic. In AA, you are supposed to take responsibility for your choices and step away from blame, but at times, the language used in this can border on retraumatizing or blaming the victim. I’ve had to start looking for new sponsors because my last one, a man, defended my abuser/ potential rapist and claimed that I was scary, crazy, offensive to actual victims because I chose this and there is no way that I was a victim, and that I should focus on taking responsibility myself. I had called the cops to ask them to give him a no contact warning, so it’s on the record, at least in some form and the perpetrator says that he will be leaving me alone. I certainly hope so. But, my sponsor claimed that I was victimizing him by embarrassing him in front of his dad. But, I got rid of that sponsor and have begun the healing process.

[chriscoleman]

San Juan Island Trip Report

The San Juan Islands are an archipelago in the U.S. state of Washington known for rural Pacific Northwest landscapes and wildlife. At mean high tide, the archipelago comprises over 400 islands and rocks, 128 of which are named, and over 478 miles of shoreline. We visited the main island - San Juan Island - for a 4 day adventure October 2017.

Thursday the 12th we left Seattle early. GPS had an ETA of 9:25am for our 9:30am ferry sailing. Luckily my expert driving and a surprising lack of rush hour traffic going north allowed us to arrive about 9:15am, enough time for coffee and a dog walk.  

Julia, Skye, and I sat on the sun deck of the Elwha ferry with our car parked below. I ate an average breakfast sandwich as Skye tried to drink from rusty puddles along the deck. She had been thirsty all week after visiting Whidbey island and drinking a bunch of sea water.  

We arrived at our VRBO rental about 11am. The property was on 6 acres just north of the main downtown area – Friday Harbor. Our own private beach at the end of a secluded dirt road. There was even a big dog bed under the stairs leading to the lofted second story.

Cattle Point was our first adventure on the island. A 15-minute drive from the house at the south end. There was a lighthouse and national park where the Americans setup camp during a land dispute with the British.

History Lesson: In the mid-1800s Great Britain and the United States disputed ownership of the island. Americans considered the British presence an affront to their "manifest destiny." The British believed they had a legal right to lands guaranteed by earlier treaties, explorations and commercial activities of the Hudson's Bay Company. In June 1846 the Treaty of Oregon was signed in London, setting the boundary on the 49th parallel, from the Rocky Mountains "to the middle of the channel which separates the continent from Vancouver's Island” then south through the channel to the Strait of Juan de Fuca and west to the Pacific Ocean. Difficulty arose over language. The "channel" described in the treaty was actually two channels: the Haro Strait, nearest Vancouver Island, and the Rosario Strait, nearer the mainland. The San Juan Islands lay between, and both sides claimed the entire island group. By spring 1859, 18 Americans had settled on claims staked on BC prime sheep grazing lands. The crisis came on June 15, 1859, when Lyman Cutlar, an American, shot and killed a company pig rooting in his garden. San Juan Island remained under joint military occupation for the next 12 years. In 1871, when Great Britain and the United States signed the Treaty of Washington, the San Juan question was referred to Kaiser Wilhelm I of Germany for settlement. The kaiser referred the issue to a three-man arbitration commission who met for nearly a year in Geneva. On October 21, 1872, the commission, through the kaiser, ruled in favor of the United States, establishing the boundary line through Haro Strait. Thus the San Juan Islands became American possessions and the final boundary between Canada and the United States was set. We won!

Rabbits leading out to South Beach were hilarious to watch. There were dozens of them in a big field - if Sky only knew… The beach was deserted and full of bleached driftwood. Julia explored as I laid down to nap.

On the way home we stopped at a farm stand - Heritage Farm. Picked up super sweet tomatoes, kale, peppers (we even paid for a pumpkin that we forgot to put into the car). Then we stopped at the local Bakery for raspberry tarts and the Co-Op for veggies and tiny chocolate bars. A fisherman named Matt was selling fresh caught Keta salmon in the parking lot and we bought a 5 pound half fish for $17.

Relaxing night with warm drinks on the porch and a big salmon dinner, plus apple dessert. Julia even read a bit for Project Manager class.

Friday the 13th was full of fun, not fear. We started at Lime Kiln Cafe in Roche Harbor on the north end of the island. The fresh biscuits with local jam was my favorite part. The Harbor was extremely nice all around. Fancy boats, a nice hotel, shopping, and a sculpture park. Definitely a spot we’d visit again with more time on the island.    

An alpaca farm was next - Julia squealed as we turned the corner. They had about 150 alpaca’s and a country store. We walked along the field but they didn’t take interest in us since we had no food to share. The owner explained her story of how she came into this life as we checked out. She had retired to San Juan Island, but quickly became bored with a house on the water. Buying the first 2 alpacas was not planned, they got them during a charity auction because her husband was trying to bid up the price for a good cause. That resulted in them eventually selling everything to buy the alpaca farm. Pro Tip: males and females are separated because the farm believes in Planned Alpacahood.

Pelindaba Lavender Farm was just down the street. We did a quick tour and bought a bunch of pretty smelling things. Then back to the house to pickup Skye and continue our hiking exploration of the island.

English Camp was a highlight of the trip. Originally a non-interesting destination - the weather, history, and trails made it super-interesting. We started high up on the hill at the Commander's house looking down on the waterfront where he had a garden built for his wife. Then we took a trail out to Bell Point where the 3 of us sat on a small beach with eagles and herons flying overhead.

A quick trip to the Lime Kiln Lighthouse was our last activity of the day. I was tired and set on annoying Julia to the fullest. No whales spotted from this western shore.

On the way home we stopped back at the Heritage Farm to pickup the pumpkin we forgot, plus a few other veggies to keep the salmon dinner going for night 2 (we had a ton of fish!). We also popped into Kings Grocery to round out dinner and breakfast. Dinner with views of the sunset over Mt. Baker was a real treat. Then Julia read another long PM chapter and I relaxed. 

Saturday the 14th was our scheduled Whale Watch boat tour with Western Prince. Before we even left the house Julia called me out to the back yard where she first heard blows and then saw whales/porpoise. An amazing way to start the day, without going anywhere. Then we jammed fish guts into a rusty crab pot and tossed it out back at low tide.

Downtown we hit up the farmers market before setting sail, with many pastries and fresh roasted coffee. Spring Street Deli hooked up a big sandwich for lunch which I jammed into my already full backpack (tons of clothing layers, drinks, food, and camera).  

Weather was a bit rough as we started. Captain told us to hold on for a rough ride as we zoomed out to the farthest point the boat could hit for a day tour. After about an hour and a half we arrived just off the shore of Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. Right away we were greeted by 2 huge humpback whales. Blowing water high into the air with each breath, the boat tracked them as they whipped their tails every time they went down for a deep dive. They ate a huge bait ball of fish that was fascinating to watch (the crew knew what was about to happen as the birds indicated the underwater situation). Then we saw another 2 whales and continued to track ‘our 2’. In all we were next to these magnificent creatures for a half hour before speeding back towards San Juan Island. We even got a pass by of Spieden Island - which is privately owned and once used for Big Game Hunting - and still today there are some of the exotic animals roaming the 500 acres.  

1 cab was in our pot when we returned to the house. Unfortunately he escaped as we pulled it in. We should have gone out for dinner, but we were both tired and my stomach wasn’t amazing after a rough day on the water. We lit a fire which was warm + romantic. Julia read more PM chapters while the dog chased deer outside.

Sunday the 15th we cleaned, packed, and hit the ferry. One last tour around downtown as we waited for the 11am sailing. Anacortes to Seattle was another 2 hour drive before we got home to Ballard. Sounders game at 4pm - no time to unpack or rest. The boys won and we clinched a spot in the MLS playoffs yet again. I even got drunk to celebrate, then cleaned the house after Julia drove us home. HA!

Last year we visited Lopez Island, this year was San Juan Island, next year should be Orcas Island. October is an amazing time to visit these beautiful spots, I can’t wait to go again!!

[anthonycharlestabone]

Having trouble viewing? View in Browser Friday, October 13, 2017 TOP OF THE MORNING It's Friday, Oct. 13, 2017 - Friday the 13th. Welcome to Fox News First, your first stop for today's news. To get your early morning news emailed directly to your inbox, click here. Here's your Fox News First 5 - the first five things you need to know today: President Trump targets two hallmarks of the Obama era: He'll likely decertify the 2015 Iran nuclear deal and halt ObamaCare subsidies to health insurers The Weinstein Company feels backlash from the Hollywood sex scandal Death toll mounts: California wildfires have killed at least 31 people this week The Las Vegas massacre timeline is disputed once again Let's dive deeper into these stories ...  THE LEAD STORY: President Trump will outline a new strategy on Iran designed to block "all paths to a nuclear weapon." ... In a rebuke of the 2015 agreement from the Obama era, Trump was expected to declare today that a nuclear Iran is not in America's national security interest. Trump will outline specific faults he finds in the 2015 accord but will also focus on an array of Iran's troubling non-nuclear activities. Those include Tehran's ballistic missile program, support for Syrian President Bashar Assad, Lebanon's Hezbollah movement and other groups that destabilize the region. Tune in to Fox News for live coverage and analysis of Trump's speech at 12:45 p.m. ET and throughout the day. From Fox News Opinion: The conservative case to keep the Iran deal Iran threatens 'crushing' response Iran's secret sites linked to nuclear weapons development revealed Fox News' full coverage: Iran BLOW TO OBAMACARE: President Trump plans to halt federal subsidies to insurers under the Affordable Care Act, also known as ObamaCare ... This is Trump's bid to ultimately "repeal and replace" President Obama's signature legislation. Trump's decision was expected to rattle already unsteady insurance marketplaces. The president has previously threatened to end the payments, which help reduce health insurance copays and deductibles for people with modest incomes, but the plan remains under a legal cloud. Will there be blowback? Almost certainly. Trump's move will likely trigger lawsuits from state attorneys general, who contend the subsidies to insurers are fully authorized by federal law, and the president's position is reckless. Xavier Becerra, California’s attorney general, has already called the decision “sabotage,” and promised a lawsuit. Trump's executive order on health care: What you should know From Fox News Opinion: Trump's right: Less regulation and more incentives are the right path for health care reform WEINSTEIN STIGMA: Talent agencies have reportedly started refusing to work with the Weinstein Company in wake of the Harvey Weinstein sex scandal ... Deadline.com reports that these agencies are worried the Weinstein Company is a tarnished brand -- and would remain so even under a different name – because clients don't want Harvey Weinstein profiting in any way from ongoing and future projects. In addition, In The Heights book writer Quiara Alegria Hudes and composer Lin-Manuel Miranda want the Weinstein Company to give up the movie rights to the pre-"Hamilton" musical. More disclosures: Weinstein scandal prompts flood of abuse accusations Oliver Stone implicated: An ex-Playboy playmate accuses the filmmaker of grabbing her breast  Amazon boss Roy Price suspended Looking ahead - Bravery (and introspection) is what Hollywood needs now SCORCHED EARTH: Raging wildfires across Northern California have now killed at least 31 people, marking the deadliest week of blazes in state history ...  The fires, many of them in wine country, broke out almost simultaneously Sunday night and now cover more than 300 square miles, an area as large as New York City. State officials have not yet officially said what caused the blazes, which have destroyed at least 3,500 homes and businesses. Downed power lines and blown transformers are one theory. Dispatch audio obtained by KTVU Fox 2 News reveals firefighters in Napa and Sonoma counties called in more than a dozen reports of downed power lines, live wires, and blown transformers late Sunday in the first hours of the wildfire outbreak. CARNAGE AND CONFUSION: Amid timeline discrepancies, investigators in Las Vegas still have not determined the motive for the deadliest mass shooting in modern U.S. history ... MGM Resorts International said Thursday that shots were fired into a music festival crowd "at the same time as, or within 40 seconds after" a security guard first reported by hotel dispatch radio that shots were fired. The casino company says Las Vegas police accounts are inaccurate. Police have said the shooter, Stephen Paddock, fired a barrage into the hallway toward the guard and a casino maintenance worker, and fired assault-style weapons out the casino windows for about 10 minutes before killing himself with a gunshot to the head. Tucker: Conspiracy theories fill the Vegas information void Timeline change raises questions about hotel security, police response Fox News' Full Coverage: Las Vegas Massacre   ABOUT LAST NIGHT HOLLYWOOD QUID PRO QUO: "If you make me feel good, I'll make you rich and famous ... It was straight up prostitution." – Singer Joy Villa, on "Tucker Carlson Tonight," recalling her own encounter with sexual harassment early in her career, when she met privately with an entertainment executive. WATCH THE HARVEY CLAUSE: "He has to pay the company back what it paid the victim... and pay a fine ... The company structured a contract that essentially allowed for sexual harassment if you're willing to pay a monetary price." – Harvey Levin, TMZ founder and host of OBJECTified, on "The Story with Martha MacCallum," detailing how Harvey Weinstein's contract allowed continued employment in wake of sexual harassment suits. WATCH   MINDING YOUR BUSINESS White House steps up review of Federal Reserve chairman candidates. Source: Disney to cut about 200 jobs at its TV networks. Uber set to appeal London license loss. BASF to buy seeds, herbicide businesses from Bayer for $7 billion.   NEW IN FOX NEWS OPINION Eagle Scout: RIP, Boy Scouts of America. You were great for 100 years. Tomi Lahren: Hollywood liberals are anti-Trump, not pro-woman. Is Harvard racist? If you’re Asian-American, their admission policies just might be. NFL and its owners salute one flag: The dollar.   HOLLYWOOD SQUARED Jeopardy! champion's 12-day winning streak comes to an end. Demi Lovato reveals she's open to dating men and women. OBJECTified preview: Tyler Perry on prized possessions. The untold story of Steve McQueen's spiritual journey.   DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS? Yellowstone supervolcano could blow faster than thought, destroy all of mankind. California fires: How the smoke can affect the taste of wine. Energy drinks cost new father part of his skull, brain. 3,200-year-old stone inscription tells of Trojan prince, sea people.   STAY TUNED On Fox News: Fox & Friends, 6 a.m. ET: Attorney General Jeff Sessions discusses the measures he's taking against for sanctuary cities and why he believes there's a "crisis" in the surge of asylum claims. Plus, former Iran hostage Don Cooke gives insight on U.S. attempts to bring Caitlan Coleman and her family home from Afghanistan, where they were held captive since 2012. Tucker Carlson Tonight, 8 p.m. ET: A reporter will give the inside story on how NBC tried to cover up the Harvey Weinstein sex harassment scandal.   On Fox Business: Mornings with Maria, 6 a.m. ET: Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross explains his request for an additional $3.3 billion from Congress to complete the 2020 census; Sen. Rand Paul takes on President Trump's executive action on health care. Varney & Co., 9 a.m. ET: House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Kevin Brady talks tax reform chances. Cavuto: Coast to Coast, Noon ET: Former Director of National Intelligence, John Negroponte, dissects President Trump's new strategy on Iran.  Lou Dobbs Tonight, 7 p.m. ET: John Hannah, senior counselor at Foundation for Defense of Democracies, gives his take on Trump's new approach to Iran   On Fox News Radio: The Brian Kilmeade Show, 9 a.m. ET to 12 noon ET: Former Deputy Campaign Manager David Bossie looks back on White House Chief of Staff John Kelly taking on rumors directly with the White House press corps; Former State Department Deputy Spokesperson Marie Harf breaks down Trump's Iran strategy. The Tom Shillue Show, 3 p.m. ET to 6 p.m. ET: Rep. Steve King discusses Trump's latest action on health care and how the White House should address "Dreamers."   #OnThisDay 2010: Rescuers in Chile use a missile-like escape capsule to rescue 33 men, one-by-one,  who were trapped for 69 days in a collapsed mine a half-mile underground. 1999: The JonBenet Ramsey grand jury is dismissed after 13 months of work, with prosecutors saying there wasn't enough evidence to charge anyone in the 1996 slaying. 1962: Edward Albee's four-character drama "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" opens on Broadway. 1775: U.S. Navy has its origins as the Continental Congress orders the construction of a naval fleet.   Thank you for joining us on Fox News First! Enjoy your Friday and weekend! We'll see you in your inbox first thing Monday morning. Unsubscribe ©2017 Fox News Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved. 1211 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY, 10036. Privacy Policy.