#the mistakes that morty has to pay for

[justablanketreally]

im just now realizing another layer to the morty and evil morty dynamic. morty prime is the only person evil morty has ever lost to.

the first time they meet, morty prime had come off of an intense argument with rick c-137, and didn’t seem scared at all of evil rick or evil morty. he was already acting nothing like the other mortys who are all shaking and cowering when we see them. then, he talks to the other mortys, uplifts them, rallies them up, and they escape, fight, and completely foil evil morty’s plan.

what was evil morty thinking after this?

if he had just been paying attention, if he hadn’t underestimated that morty, if he hadn’t underestimated himself, he could’ve won then and there. morty prime showed evil morty that they were capable of rallying people, of inspiring, of leading, of being in control on a mass scale. and the next time we see evil morty in ricklantis mixup, he’s doing exactly that.

even in unmortricken, evil morty wins because he puts on morty prime’s look. he knows rick prime will underestimate morty prime and that that will be his fatal mistake. because it was the first and biggest mistake evil morty made too.

[cutiemarkofcain]

So, the main thing I've been working on for the past few years? A rickorty longfics series. It's got angst, fluff, smut, humor, drama, more angst, gangs, heroics, time travel, mindfuckery, and Interdimensional Cable. It's called A Tale Told By a Morty.

(I'd recommend clicking the above link before any of the ones below; that way you can see all the tags before diving in.)

Part 1 - Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Flesh Curtains (47k+ words) - Morty goes back in time and meets a young Rick. Mistakes are/were made.

Part 2 - A Citizen of the Multiverse (117k+ words) - Rick and Morty are bad at processing their feelings. But when they finally do, Rick's past comes back to haunt them both.

Part 3 - The Penitent Rick (131k+ words) - After his drunkenness indirectly gets Morty hurt, Rick swears off alcohol. While he's at a clinic, Morty deals with stuff at home, and meets up with old friends.

Part 4 - The Fears That Once Controlled Them (in progress)

Some things to note:

This series begins about four years after the end of season 5, which means A) Morty is 18 at the start, and B) It does not take the events of season 6 into account.

There's not much (percentage wise), but this series does have adult content. I mean ADULT.

This ain't just slow burn, it's downright glacial. The main ship doesn't officially get together until about halfway into part 2.

There are so many OCs and stuff.

A guide to the locations, OCs, etc

Sweetoppi:

Another planet with an anthropomorphic sun. Fortunately or unfortunately, this sun is friendly and likes to sing. Populated by smoogians, cradhians, and throxoloxons.

Smoogians: They're almost all under three feet and they all resemble animal plushies. They eat plastic. The middle to upper class and abled Smoogians live in Smoogi City, while the poor and disabled Smoogians, as well as political dissidents, live in the outskirts. This is slowly changing.

Cradhians: They're an intelligent spiderlike species, about the size of a saucer, legs included. They communicate with a form of sign language using all eight legs. They emigrated to Smoogi City after their home was destroyed.

Throxoloxons: They're a hermaphroditic species that lived in the area that became Smoogi City before the Smoogians pushed them out. They're all masses of tentacles with eyestalks. They eat dreams.

People

Smoogians

Mayor Flumby: Faux affably evil (now ex) mayor of Smoogi City. Obsessed with keeping the status quo. Probably dead. Resembles a bear plushie.

Leelee: Mayor Flumby's second-in-command. Resembles a rabbit plushie.

Grobor: Blind. Mistrusts Mayor Flumby; leads a rebellion against him and the townsfolk. Sacrifices himself. Resembles a rabbit plushie.

Miss Mopple: Former friend of Mayor Flumby's. Current mayor of Smoogi City. Probably assassinated the old mayor. Married to Ilsilix. Resembles a raccoon plushie.

Zooni: One of Miss Mopple's guards. Ex-husband of Rovo. Resembles a lion plushie.

Rovo: Very tall for his species. Keeps Morty company and serves as a guide during his stay at Paerwesh. Ex-husband of Zooni. Resembles a horse plushie.

Cradhians

Ilsilix: Saved her species from genocide with diplomacy. Now married to Miss Mopple.

Sfilnin: Runs the daycare at Paerwesh.

Throxoloxons

Margeth: Child. Has a tendency to swear by accident.

Chlogul: Parental figure to Margeth. Takes over the rebellion after Grobor's death. Forms Paerwesh after the rebellion ends.

Places

Smoogi City: Where many Smoogians live

Paerwesh: A building where anyone who's down on their luck can stay. Formerly a house; served as the hideout for the rebellion.

Things

The censor: A structure that looked like a barbershop pole. Formerly used to censor anything inappropriate, if there were Smoogians around to witness it. Was dismantled and retooled, now disables hi-tech devices in its vicinity.

---

Goldorok Prime:

A planet with a barrier around it that prevents certain spacecrafts from getting in or out- including Rick's ship. There are pyramids in GP's sky that rain sparkles. Populated by tanglors and kithwiks.

Tanglors: They're a humanoid species with an extra set of eyes and an extra set of arms. Their skin is in shades of gray and their hair is cool tones. They eat primarily bark and bones. When threatened with serious physical harm, they will automatically teleport to a different location, although there is a limit to how far they might teleport. They also have pyrokinetic abilities, although it is not spoken of in polite company. Most can only generate heat, and at most, create sparks, but there are exceptions…

Kithwiks: They're purple blobs with snakelike lower halves. They have beaks they whistle out of, but the whistles mostly just communicate mood. For more elaborate communication, they use the long tendrils that come out of their backs, positioning them in all sorts of configurations. They can regenerate their flesh, no matter how much they lose, unless it's burned off. They have mild mind control powers, though most can only encourage others to do things they planned on doing anyway- basically, giving them a nudge. Most of the time, they have to be touching someone with their tendrils to control them, but the more emotionally close they are to someone, the further away they can be physically, while still being able to control them.

People

Tanglors

Reeshkla Ivinte: Worked at Café Sweez until she quit. Friend of Morty's. Married to Drav. Has six kids. Call her Reesh.

Barros Arbekt: (Ex)-owner of Café Sweez. (Ex)-leader of the Slingers. Currently incarcerated.

Tiersi: Deaf. Also known as Mama Tiersi. Owns Club Setweeba. Lost a son to gang violence.

Grijya Seelins: Enjoys causing trouble. Maybe Morty's friend?

Drav Ivinte: Reesh's husband. Chronically ill.

Athel, Ashek, Grente, Jevla, Natasi, Kesir Ivinte: Reesh and Drav's kids

Yotis Arbekt: Brother to Barros. Rick got him killed, maybe accidentally, and Barros never forgave him.

Zash Hezen: Unofficially affiliated with the Slingers. Is now in trouble with them after revealing one of their hideouts.

Mirsh Velliej: Slinger. Loyal to Barros.

Klavvi Merlega: Slinger. Barros' former second-in-command. Killed by Rick.

Commander Prynk: Leads the team that arrests Barros.

Szaren Vench: Knight. Tortures Mirsh for information, which he gives to Tarrin.

Gorra Seelins: Grijya's brother. Keeps getting in trouble with the gangs, but doesn't take them seriously.

Namrala Darlach: One leader of the Avatars. Usually called Mother Darlach. Might be dead.

Officer Helshon: Aided Commander Prynk in arresting Barros.

Tarrin: Prynk's second-in-command. Tasked with getting more information on the gangs.

Lorz Prennet: Namrala's second-in-command. Their motives, and fate, are a mystery.

Etebi (AKA Tenne) Kigati: Accidentally killed her parents. Kept prisoner by Dr. Mesile, who cut off her top arms. Freed by Rick.

Dr. Avran Mesile: Manipulated Etebi into killing her parents. Was going to train her to be a killing machine.

Zea: Frycook. Imprisoned by the Avatars. Freed by Morty. Very close with Charisma.

Pravash: Reesh's twin sister. Ex-wife of Barros. Overly cautious. Temporarily takes in Etebi and renames her Tenne.

Maziam: Gatekeeper. Helps Rick save Morty, betraying the Avatars in the process.

The Gateway: Protects the Avatars in exchange for sex slaves.

Kithwiks

Frozz, the Head Frozzulator: Works at Cafe Sweez, deseeding the eefee fruits. Keeps to himself. Takes over ownership after Barros' arrest.

Seven: Works at Cafe Sweez. Learns to write English so they can communicate with Morty.

Scythe: Imprisoned by the Avatars.

Charisma: Imprisoned by the Avatars. Very close with Zea.

Places

Skardoria: The nation where the story takes place

Café Sweez: Formerly owned by Barros, taken over by Frozz. Used to be a front, while also being a legitimate business in its own right. Unknown as of yet if Frozz plans to make it completely legit. They are famous for "eefee shakes."

Club Setweeba: Owned by Tiersi. Aside from hospitals and graveyards, is the only public spot where the gangs have unanimously agreed not to fight.

Lissal Street: A dangerous street that the gangs have completely taken over. Every building there is abandoned.

The basement: Tunnels that travel throughout the city, connecting different gang hideouts

The House of Shudrauth: A possibly sentient building that serves as the main base for the Avatars of Shudrauth. Whenever something tragic happens inside it, it will go dark and the rooms will move to random locations. The movement is not felt by the occupants. There is also a prison that is separate from the House, but considered part of it by the Avatars. The House has an anti-portal area of effect around it.

Things

The Slingers: A gang that makes and sells drugs in exchange for weapons. They wear blue.

The Gilded Knights: A new gang that causes trouble and does the whole protection racket thing. They wear gold.

The Avatars of Shudrauth: A cultlike gang. Some of them have tattoos of eyes. A subset of the Avatars are the Gatekeepers, whose job it is to keep the Gateway happy.

Eefee fruit: A fruit with multiple uses. The juice is used in drinks at places like Café Sweez, while the seeds are crushed and either kept as a powder, or formed into "eef sticks". Crushed eefee seeds get tanglors high while disrupting their teleportation abilities, and thus can be used recreationally, or for more nefarious purposes…

Shlegmarks: Skardorian currency

---

Hakorori-9:

A planet covered almost entirely in water or swamplands. Populated by rokaedas.

Rokaedas: They're an amphibious humanoid species. Some have fins, some have scales, and some have tentacles. They have greenish skin. They have a multi-purpose appendage that comes out of their forehead called a "prokei".

People

Rokaedas

Ekos: Receptionist at Sooquea House.

Arit Patyph: Runs one branch of Sooquea House. Not as friendly as he acts, and he doesn't act that friendly.

Ujaria Dupuk: Worker at Sooquea House. Has some baggage.

Khot Sorij: Worker at Sooquea House. Rick's helper, after he rejects Alaera's help.

Alaera Asory: Worker at Sooquea House. Rick's initial helper.

Shiru Phelk: Worker at Sooquea House. Tells Rick about Firio.

Firio [REDACTED]: Alaera's old patient. Overdosed after being exposed to Alaera's experimental treatment.

Places

Wirje: The nation where the story takes place

Sooquea House: A clinic that specializes in helping people get over their addiction by making them forget they can use. The exterior of the house looks different to everyone.

Things

Prokei: A two-pronged appendage that comes out of all rokaedas' foreheads. They use it to taste/smell peoples' moods, and can transport someone to the "Mindscape" by inserting both prongs into the other person's ears.

Goeji: A breakfast food with a texture somewhere between a pancake and a marshmallow

Threlkai Doom Pepper, and its extract: Really spicy

Foppsu juice: Absolutely disgusting

---

Other characters

Skylar Andersen-Williams: Human. Morty meets her while time travelling. Dating and eventually married to Tomas. Matt was their third.

Tomas Andersen-Williams: Human. Morty meets him while time travelling. Dating and eventually married to Skylar. Matt was their third.

Matt: Used to date Skylar and Tomas. Died on a skiing trip.

Bywuth (aka Squanchette): Species unknown. Seer. Mistrusts Squanchy, but warms up to him after seeing him reunite Rick and Morty.

---------

Here's what some of the characters look like

[mayxthexforce]

A Spark Snuffed Out, Reignited || Obi-Wan & Maul

@mutatiio

The dream-like turmoil that is their time in Mortis continues to take a turn for the worst after another with each passing minute. What had been a lush paradise during the day was enveloped by darkness as soon as the sun went down, an oppressive shadow that withered everything in its path and threatened to take over them– an oppressive shadow that's already caught Ahsoka, and that shadow has a name: The Son, and Obi-Wan had been too blind to realize in time, practically handing the dagger to that entity in his attempts to get it to Anakin, and now Ahsoka might pay the price.

But he couldn't let it happen. Influenced by the dark side or not, Ahsoka was his grand Padawan, as much his responsibility as she was Anakin's, and Obi-Wan was the one that went into the altar, where the dagger was safe from the Son, until Obi-Wan happened upon it.

It was his mistake to pay for. Not Ahsoka's. Not Anakin's. His.

"Your usefulness has come to an end."

The Son's voice sounds so close yet so far away as Obi-Wan focuses on the energy he can feel gathering at the entity's fingertips, as if all the darkness that seizes this planet every night has been channeled in those two digits. Before he can think things through, Obi-Wan's feet are moving, he's leaving The Daughter's side, he hears Anakin protest but it's too late. Obi-Wan is by Ahsoka's side in a matter of a second, pushing her out of the way perhaps with more force than necessary, channeling what strength he can muster up to shove her towards Anakin, just as The Son's fingers —previously aimed at Ahsoka's forehead— connect with his chest.

It's a strange feeling. It doesn't hurt, but it's not instantaneous either. At least, it doesn't feel instantaneous to Obi-Wan. Distant and fading. Those are the only words Obi-Wan can find to describe what he feels. He's fading. Trying and failing to grasp his own life force as it slips through his fingers like water, air, or sand. All his strength, his will, everything that made Obi-Wan who he was drifting to some far away place– not the same place others have gone, but some place that The Son controls. One by one, his emotions follow. Briefly, he manages to feel relief, relief because he can sense The Son's influence on Ahsoka leaving her. But the last emotion that seizes his slowing heart is fear, a terror like nothing he has experienced before, because he doesn't know what will become of his Padawan and Grand Padawan, his family. The thought of them being trapped here without him, of what will happen now, fills those last moments with terror. The echo of Anakin crying out his name is the last thing Obi-Wan hears before his vision is enveloped by darkness as he collapses to the ground.

One last exhale leaves his lips, the air being knocked out of his lungs by the impact, and he's gone.

[twocorvids]

I wanna see this decision bite Rick in the ass. I wanna see Rick grabble with the concept that there isn’t really anyone to keep him in check anymore, not truly, not how morty did. i want to see an awkward pause in their conversations, because Rick automatically expects morty to pipe up with some criticisms. i want to see Rick stare forlornly whenever morty meekly follows ricks instructions. i want to see Rick bring up how he should “have more of a backbone” mockingly, when really, internally, it’s a plead for morty to just be himself again. I want to see Rick shake his head whenever the past comes up, and morty apologizes for things that were never his fault. I was to see Rick miss morty. I want to see a grandpa yearn for his grandson to find himself again. I wanna see Rick yearn for the part of himself that knew how to properly love his family.

[2oppositesidesof1coin]

Theres something a little tragic about the Rick we’ve always known having to pay for the mistakes of the version of himself that took everything from him. 

[sanzoumon]

55 RICKORTY PROMPTS PT 2!

Back at it with the good shit, people. This time with more smut and dark shit, babes. Warnings are placed at the beginning of each prompt, so read at your own risk. There’s still some Gen stuff in here too and prompts that could be whichever you want.

55 Prompts, y’all. I think I’ve finally exhausted my imagination... for now at least! Anyway some of these are specific but feel free to play around with the concepts. Like last time these are all bottom!Morty.

Also there’s that good angst shit I know you all can’t get enough of. Enjoy!

Rick being casual with affection results in him giving Morty a full body massage. And Rick is very skilled with his hands.

Morty’s being a little horn dog while Rick is working on something important. Rick casually fingers him while he continues focusing on work, driving Morty crazy with pleasure. Basically, Rick barely pays any attention to Morty while doing this.

Lighthearted, fun sex. Laughing, cracking dumb jokes, loving every dumb little thing about each other. The works.

Morty loves being picked up and held / carried by Rick. There’s no place safer than being in Rick’s arms.

Rick constantly struggles with his genuine romantic and sexual feelings for Morty because no matter how you slice it, he’s still a creep preying on a 14 year old boy.

Familial Love. Morty finds a hidden stash of Mindblowers belonging to Beth, Jerry, Summer, and himself, all many years old. He watches them and learns that Rick’s been looking after Morty his whole life.

Non-con. Rick and Morty get captured by aliens and they take a bit too much of an interest in Morty. When all else fails, Rick gets them to stop by yelling “take me instead”, bringing up how it’s far more impressive to assault him than Morty. It works, but Morty is forced to watch. To add insult to injury Morty can’t stop crying and Rick keeps reassuring him that he’s fine, he can take it, etc.

Non-con. Rick is forced to watch while Morty is raped because their captors want to hit Rick where it really hurts.

Mental Age Regression. Morty suffers a head injury thanks to a mistake Rick made and wakes up thinking he’s only 4 years old. It falls to Rick to take care of Morty and find a way to help him. Rick hasn’t been so physically and emotionally exhausted since Beth was born.

A Rick from the Citadel frequents The Creepy Morty.

Pet Play. Morty loves being Rick’s faithful little pet.

Consensual Mind Control. Morty has a mind control kink and Rick can easily get into that.

Non-con. Morty’s were just disposable playthings for Rick’s. They use and abuse them so much that it actually hurts more when you end up with a Rick who is kinder and treats you like a person. It hurts because either the Rick will start hurting you eventually or you’ll end up with a cruel Rick after him.

Non-con. A long time ago Rick was raped by space pirates. He and Morty run into those pirates again and it’s the first time Morty sees Rick utterly terrified of anyone. The pirates decide to have fun with them both, forcing them to have sex with each other, all while taunting Rick by telling Morty exactly what they did to Rick years ago. Afterward, Rick is holding Morty, apologizing, saying it was all his fault, etc. [[ Check Notes for a link to the comic that this prompt is based on!! ]]

Rick throws his back out on an adventure and Morty gives him a massage to ease the pain.

Rick is a gross old man and Morty finds that hot. Every time Rick burps, vomits, forgets to bathe, or brush his teeth, drools, etc, Morty gets so turned on.

Morty suffers subdrop after a session with Rick. Aftercare.

Life in Mortyberg. Floating through space in what remains of the Citadel. Rick and Morty fall into a fairly domestic routine of working during the day and spending time together at night. As much as they miss the rest of their family and want to go home, in many ways both have never been happier.

On the Citadel. Cop Rick finds that domestic disturbance calls are all too common on the Citadel. Rick’s abuse Morty’s at an alarming rate. While ever since President Morty was elected and he implemented harsher punishments for abusing Morty’s, many Rick’s still believe they can get away with it.

Soulmate AU / Red String of Fate. Soulmates are connected by a red string that only they can see, inevitably drawing people to their soulmates. For some people it’s always been there. For Rick, he had to wait most of his life before it showed up. Morty has always been able to see his and it always was strung up into space. Rick resisted the tug for 14 years but finally gave in. He was shocked when the string took him to where his daughter lived.

Soulmate AU. In which your soulmate isn’t just someone predestined to be with you. Soulmates happen when two highly compatible people develop a bond. It happens when you’d rather die than be apart from from someone. There’s a choice to being soulmates, albeit an often subconscious choice. When Rick finally sees Morty as an equal, a partner, the bond they’ve forged over the years hits them like an electric shock. They both can’t stand to be apart from each other ever again.

Omegaverse AU. Growing up, Beth and Summer were Morty’s Family Alpha’s. Family Alpha’s protect and care for their Family Omega’s until a suitable mate claims them. When Rick shows up he notices that Beth and Summer gradually back off of caring for him and just hand him over to Rick. He doesn’t get it because another Family Alpha shouldn’t trigger this response from his family. All three Alpha’s should still feel protective of him and want to care for him, yet they don’t. Summer explains to him it’s because Rick has all but claimed Morty as his Omega and their Alpha instincts are screaming at them to not encroach on another Alpha’s Omega. Morty is pretty dumbfounded by this and goes to Rick for answers. What does he find out?

Omegaverse AU. Non-con. An Alpha rapes Morty, and claims him in the process, and Rick goes absolutely feral killing him. No fancy tech or anything, just a no holds barred bloody beatdown. Afterward Rick is in a frenzied state and takes Morty for himself, claiming him for himself to get rid of the other Alpha’s scent and claim on Morty. In spite of the situation Morty finds comfort in belonging to his grandfather.

Omegaverse AU. MPreg. It happened while they were trapped and Morty went into heat. They decided not to talk about it ever again. Then Morty starts feeling sick, gaining weight. Summer, the youngest Alpha in the house, picks up on it first and tells him. Soon everyone finds out. Morty gets ostracized by others and Rick stays distant. Morty has enough and finally goes to Rick, begging for help, saying Rick is the Alpha he needs right now and that he can’t raise the kid alone. Rick agrees. And so begins their journey into raising their son together and falling in love with each other.

Omegaverse AU. MPreg. Dub-con. An Alpha gets Morty pregnant and Morty can’t deal with it. This Alpha wants nothing to do with Morty, calls him a slut, denies the kid, etc. On top of all that the whole school and many of the neighbors give him shit for being an unclaimed Omega. He has a total breakdown in front of Rick and begs him, offering Rick anything he wants, if he’ll agree to take care of Morty and his baby because Rick is the only Alpha Morty knows he and his child will be safe with. Rick can’t say no to Morty, but the act of claiming involves mating and biting. For Morty, he’ll do it.

Unrequited Love. Rick has it bad for Morty and accidentally confessed to him one day. Morty is freaked out but once he calms down he tells Rick that he still loves him, as his grandfather, no matter what. He doesn’t think any less of Rick.

Cop Rick x Cop Morty. Morty asks Rick why he chose to become a cop and why he seems to care so much about Morty’s. Turns out Rick lost his original Morty when he was an infant, Rick couldn’t prevent it no matter what but he still blames himself and he wants to help other Morty’s. Morty can’t believe it. This Rick was special and Morty wants to be closer to him. His own Rick was an asshole who screwed him up good and he just wants a Rick who’ll love and care for him. Maybe he finally found the one?

Evil Rick x Evil Morty. Non-con. Animal Cruelty. Rick raped him constantly, killed his father, his mother, and then tortured Summer - Morty’s one confidante - until she begged Morty to put her out of her misery. And so Morty killed her. Once they were gone Rick celebrated with some good ol sexual sadism, right in front of Summer’s body, just to hurt Morty more. The only good thing he let Morty have was Snuffles, his dog. Morty knew it was just have something to hold over him but he loved Snuffles anyway. Then the poor dog tried to protect Morty, biting Rick on the hand. Rick beat him to death for it and Morty finally shattered to pieces. The next night he beat Rick to death. But so long as there were other Rick’s out there, he’d never be free.

Orgasm Denial Masochism. It hurts like hell when Rick doesn’t let him cum, but it feels so good that Morty hopes Rick will never let him orgasm so he can stay it that state of constant pleasure forever, like he’s constantly at the peak of a high. Overstimulated but forced to endure more until his brain is mush and he’d pass out from the pleasure if Rick would allow it.

In a dimension where incest is pretty common, the Smith family is instantly accepting of Rick and Morty’s relationship. Beth even jokes about when they’ll be getting married. Even Jerry is accepting of it, knowing that for all Rick’s faults he does look after Morty.

Worship Kink. Rick is like a really fucked up god and he demands to be worshiped like one. Every god needs a sacrifice now and again and Morty is happy to oblige. In turn, Rick refers to Morty as (or something to the effect of) “his most perfect creation”.

An Artist Rick on the Citadel struggles to find a muse in a place with what amounts to only two subjects. Then he sees a Morty, a run of the mill normal Morty. But there’s something about him, in his eyes, demeanor, something Rick can’t pinpoint but that sets him apart from other Morty’s. Rick has found his muse.

Gen. During the Story Train episode Morty kisses Rick on the lips instead of the forehead. It’s chaste, but ever since then they’ve been doing it casually. Everyone thinks it’s weird but it really is chaste and just a show of affection.

Unrequited Love. Morty confesses that he’s in love with Rick, tired of keeping it secret. Rick doesn’t feel the same way but he’s seen so much shit that this confession barely phases him. Still, he sees how torn up Morty is and how he feels gross for wanting his grandfather sexually, so Rick comforts him and reassures Morty that he’s fine and that in other universes it’s perfectly normal. Rick just sort of holds him while he cries because Rick is being so kind while still rejecting him.

Morty gets really sick, he can barely move. Rick’s long-dormant paternal nurturing instincts kick in and he tends to Morty the entire time he’s sick. Dotes on Morty like he’s the most precious fragile thing in the world. Morty hopes he never gets better.

Rick and Morty get stranded on an ice planet and Morty falls through a thin layer of ice into water. Rick saves him but Morty’s soaking wet and will die if he doesn’t get warmed up soon. Rick finds a cave and warms Morty up in the most effective way there is - body heat. He strips them both down and holds Morty until he warms back up.

Teacher Rick x Morty Student. Hurt/Comfort. One of Rick’s students has a mental breakdown in the middle of class, crying, screaming, yelling that he can’t take it anymore. Rick is able to grab him before he can hurt himself and drags him out into the hall into a janitors closet. Morty thinks he’s going to hurt him but instead Rick just kneels down and hugs him. Tells him everything will be okay. Morty is so starved for affection he kisses Rick and Rick doesn’t have the heart to push him away while he’s in a fragile state. Then Morty starts crying more into Rick’s chest.

Morty confesses to Rick but Rick turns him down, telling Morty he can’t handle being with him. Morty asks how and Rick tells him flat-out that he’s a Dom and a Sadist, he likes to control his partner and inflict pain on them and that he’s not going to subject Morty to that if he can’t handle it. Morty is on the submissive side but isn’t exactly a Masochist. Still, he loves Rick and is certain he can handle it. Morty underestimated the intensity of Rick’s sadism. Nothing he does will cause irreparable damage but it feels like Rick is tearing away at Morty’s psyche. Morty finds it horrible but at the same time oddly freeing how Rick can tear him apart then put him back together again.

Non-con-ish. Rick keeps having dreams and intrusive thoughts of him forcing himself on Morty. He knows rape fantasies are fairly common but it just feels wrong to think of Morty like that. But he can’t stop it, he gets off on it whenever he can. Thinking about how small and pathetic Morty is, how he’d cry, beg him to stop, call him “grandpa”, how he’d eventually submit because he knows how powerless he truly is against Rick. He could have kept it his dirty little fantasy had Morty not walked in on him getting off to it.

Miami Rick x Miami Morty. Other Rick’s and Morty’s consider them freaks. They’re so openly affectionate with each other, so flirty, it’s clear they have a Sugar Daddy / Sugar Baby dynamic. How Rick will let his Morty get away with anything so long as Morty gave him puppy dog eyes and mumbled “please, grandpa” in a sickly sweet cute voice. Morty was pampered by his Rick, spoiled like a cute puppy. Rick didn’t give a shit what other Rick’s thought of them, he loves spoiling his cute little grandson and loves how Morty drapes himself all over Rick in public, not caring who sees or what they think.

Dirty Talk. Humiliation / Degradation. Aftercare. Rick tells Morty what a dirty, pathetic, degenerate little whore Morty is. How sick he is for not only liking grandpas dick but also enjoying how Rick treat him like shit. Rick tells him all sorts of nasty thing he’d like to do to Morty, telling him that being fucked is the only thing he’d ever be good for, etc. Once they’re done, Rick gathers Morty up and tells him he did so good, how much he loves him, etc.

Bondage. Abandonment Play. In the middle of playing, Rick gets some notice on his phone that something he really wants is available but he has to leave now to get it. He leave Morty all tied up, bound and gagged. Morty can’t believe it, it’s almost time for his parents to get home, and Summer could just barge in his room at any time. He hears them arrive home and just knows he’ll be caught like this and be so humiliated. He starts crying, wondering why Rick would abandon him like this. He hears someone come up the stairs, the door opens, it’s Jerry. He looks around the room, calls out for Morty, almost like he can’t see him. Jerry leaves and Rick portals back, telling Morty he wouldn’t leave him hanging like that - he set up a hologram that makes it look like Morty’s room is empty. Morty is so relieved he nearly passes out, but not before Rick finishes their play.

The Smith family finds out about Rick and Morty’s relationship. They decide to run off together, start a new life in space or settle down in a dimension that wouldn’t think twice about their relationship. They have highs and lows together, and spend 20 years together before Rick passes away in his sleep.

Gigalo Rick x Client Morty. Rick wasn’t some run of the mill prostitute, he was classy and had standards, which typically isn’t what other Rick’s look for in his profession. As such most of his clients are Morty’s, sweet innocent little Morty’s more well off than many Morty’s are, they liked to wine and dine Rick before Rick took them home to rock their worlds. Then this new Morty shows up and asks him for something strange: He just wants to be held, have his hair played with, and told that grandpa loves him and that he’s a good boy. Oh sure Rick has done that before but only during sex. The client keeps coming back tho and the most the kid ever wants is to give Rick a peck on the cheek or have Rick kiss him on the cheek. In spite of himself Rick finds he’s developing feelings for the boy and wanting to know more about him.

Rick gets captured and Morty comes to his rescue. Morty busts in, covered in alien blood, shooting up their enemies with ruthless efficiency, and all Rick can do is stare at Morty and say “damn, you’re beautiful”. But he says it outloud and with such awe that Morty isnt quite sure how to process it.

Set during Rickmurai Jack. First Time. Morty’s so desperate to get Rick back that he’ll do anything. Instead of aging himself up, he finds where Rick is living around the time the 2 Crows sneak out. Morty uses the opportunity to get Rick alone, pleading to be taken back. When Rick turns him down again Morty starts stripping, saying he’ll do anything to get Rick back. Before Rick can really process this Morty is kissing him and gently pushing Rick back down on the bed. Rick wants to tell him no but this just feels right, somehow. It feels like everything they’ve been through is finally coming to a head, that this result was inevitable from day one. The sex is passionate, emotional, gentle but without finesse; they cling to each other because they can’t get enough. It was less about pleasure and more physical reassurance, showing how they truly felt. Morty’s crying out how he loves Rick, misses him, wants to belong to Rick and for Rick to belong to him. Rick feels the exact same way. Afterward Rick tells Morty that first thing tomorrow he’ll break it off with 2 Crows.

After learning about Rick’s Beth and Diane, Morty asks Rick if he every really and truly loved anyone after. Rick admits he did fall in love once after Diane. Rick explains that Mr Nimbus was complicated but ultimately more physical, that Unity made him forget because it did anything to please Rick, that Daphne was just an infatuation because he felt alone, and that Birdperson made him feel less lonely and Rick mistook that for love. Rick then says he fell in love, actual all encompassing unconditional love, 14 years ago when he first saw Morty shortly after he was born. He didn’t realize it at first but when he did it scared him, scared him so bad he erased the Smith family’s memories of him being around at that time. So scared he went back to hunting down Rick’s until finally giving up. He admits he came back to be with Morty, because while he used to deny it to protect himself - Morty’s the only one since Diane that Rick has truly loved enough to be selfless for. How does Morty respond?

Targeted Harassment. Social Gaslighting. Word somehow gets out around school, then town, about Rick and Morty’s relationship. They have to deal with the constant harassment and moral crusaders that come with it. The rest of the family fairs no better, getting harassed for supposedly enabling Rick and letting this happen. Morty finally cracks when he sees the word “ped0/ph!le” spray painted on the garage. Everyone keeps telling him Rick is hurting him, that Morty doesn’t know any better, that this is wrong and Rick is abusing him. He doesn’t want to believe it but this is all just too much to deal with. But he still wants Rick.

MPreg. Morty gets infected with an alien parasite thing that acts as an artificial womb. If he doesn’t get knocked up and carries the baby to term then he’s going to die. Surgery isn’t an option. Morty wants the other father to be Rick, because he trusts him. Plus Rick got him into this mess in the first place so he wants him to take responsibility. Nine months later they end up with a son.

Teeth Fetish. Morty really likes Rick’s teeth and how absolutely animalistic he looks when he snarls, showing them off. He notices Rick’s canines are uncommonly sharp. Morty really wants to run his tongue over them and to be at the mercy of those teeth, biting him all over, nipping or biting hard enough to take a chunk out of him. Yeah Rick’s teeth are yellow and disgusting but that’s part of the appeal. BONUS / CRACK VARIATION: Rick’s teeth are just dentures he doesn’t take care of enough but he had some of the teeth sharpened in case he needed to use his teeth in a fight. He lost his real teeth years ago from old age and also getting punched in the face a lot. This fact does not turn off Morty whatsoever.

Body Admiration. Rick knew he was damn stud even in his old age. But Morty calling him handsome and beautiful? Rick hasn’t ever felt so self-conscious before. No he wasn’t those things, he was old, wrinkly, face sagging, body covered in scars, his skin was thin and papery, washed out, veins showing through his thin skin, and if it wasn’t for all the enhancements he’s made he’d be a frail old man. Objectively speaking he was neither handsome nor beautiful but for some reason Morty thinks so and it flusters him to no end.

Rita x Morticia. Rita fucks Morti with a strap-on. That’s it, that’s the whole prompt.

Exhibitionism. Morty’s an exhibitionist little freak so Rick fucks him with his face against a window on an alien planet for everyone to see. They gawk, call him names, shame him, and Morty can’t get enough. Now everyone on this planet knows he’s Rick’s little whore.

Aliens see Morty with Rick and automatically assume he’s Rick’s little boy toy that he takes everywhere to be Rick’s arm candy. Rick doesn’t give a shit until one of them offers Rick money to have an hour alone with Morty. Then things get ugly.

“Nobody touches my grandson!” A fic based around this quote.

[popculturebuffet]

Of Moons, Millionares and Mothers Part 3: Storkules in Duckburg! aka THE INCREDIBLE STORKULES TERRIBLE BUT WELL MEANING ROOMATE OUT OF MYTH

Hello all you happy people! And welcome and welcome back to Of Moons, Millionares and Mothers, my look at the season 2 arcs of Ducktales! This arc was paid for by WeirdKev27 and I truly enjoy his support. if you want to know how to commission your own reviews or to get a guarnateed review of me of your choice from me a month, stick around to the end. I realized that shoving all my plugs in up top may be driving people away and while I DO make them because I want to make a living off this, i’ts not fair to those of you who simply can’t afford to buy a lot of extra shit like myself to keep shoving it in your face. 

Previously on the Louie Inc Arc, Louie, after believing he had no skills and it was a matter of when not if he ws going to die, found his talent: seeing all the angles and thus being Sharper than the Sharpies. With newfound confidence and a chip on his shoulder from Scrooge saying he could one day be a bigger success than Scrooge himself, founding Louie Inc as a result. But what is Louie Inc? Does he actually have a plan or a bunch of buzzwords. And what does STORKULES, MANLY GAY OUT OF MYTH have to do with any of this? Join me under the cut to find out. 

We open with Louie giving Scrooge his sales pitch that is essentially...

Naturally Scrooge buys none of it. I mean he’s somewhere in his hundreds, he’s probably seen about 80 thousand pitches that amount to “I have no plan but give me money anyway”. There’s a reason there’s a Butch Hartman shaped crater on the lawn from where he threw his ass out. 

Scrooge does mentor the lad, or at least attempt to pointing out he needs an actual product or service (Louie rejects the idea of a lemonade stand as too easy), or as he puts it “Find a problem and create a solution”. 

While the basic PRINCIPAL isn’t bad, find something people want or need and provide it, phrasing it that way sounds like “find a problem people are having and exploit the shit out of that problem for fun and profit.” Granted that IS a guiding principal of business, it’s just not something an uncle should be teaching his kids. They should be teaching them about the anime and cartoons they grew up with as I do with my niece and nibling. 

He does show him a valid example of this in action in the form of Donald. Turns out Donald has found a good way to make money while he looks for a job, can relate: since Duckburg is facing a housing shortage, likely because several square blocks probably get destroyed by Scrooge’s Adventures, Glomgold’s Schemes, Superhero Battles, whatever creation went horribly wrong for Gyro, etc at least once a week. So he’s taken it upon himself to offer up the spare room to whoever can rent it.. and to steal Scrooge’s chandelier which even when caught he still takes anyway. Scrooge.. you called the guy a god-damn moocher in the season premiere, despite the fact he lives there soley because YOU offered and because he’s you know, being responsible and staying by his boys so they have their father figure around. So yeah I feel he’s doing this partly out of spite as is the McDuck way. I mean if your going to call him a freeloader just for being a responsible parent, then he’s going to take it up a damn notch.

Scrooge proceeds to laugh off Louie wanting a million dollars and gives him a dime instead because of course he was. Seriously Louie there are two other billionaires in town who are FAR dumber and far more easily swindled. Just go get star up capital from them. Hell with Glomgold all you’d have to do is tell him it’d upset scrooge and he’d literally throw money at you. Or give you a shark full of money. He needs the shark back though. He’s family. 

Meanwhile Donald prepares for his new tenant and finds.. THE INCREDIBLE STORKULES! Who to his mounting horror as he realizes it, IS the new tenant. And who throws him into the sun. Cue credits. 

So after Donald somehow survives being thrown into the sun, Storkules explains why he’s here: Zeus responded to his son playing the lute a lot like any rational reasonable 

No of course he responded to the “crime” of “playing his instrument a lot” with sending a swarm of harpies on the town then blaming Storkules for it and casting him out. What’s most shocking is not the action, this is honestly him staying the course of being a fucking disgrace, but that Zeus somehow ISN’T the biggest asshole i’ve dealt with this week. No that honor is reserved as always for this bitch:

Keep in mind she manages to be this obnoxious in only TWO scenes. Also keep in mind I had to put up with Julie for a MUCH larger chunk of the previous two volumes I covered before volume 5 yesterday for my Scott Pilgrim Retrospective and she is ALWAYS like this and you now feel my pain. 

This does create a problem though: Zeus casts Storkules out until he’s a responsible adult.. and thus paints Storkules as the bad guy... in a situation where the only other person in the story sent a swarm of HARPIES down at him for simply playing his music too loud. It just dosen’t work as a catalyst: Storkules objectively did nothing wrong. The only person he annoyed was a person who clearly dosen’t love, respect or like his son in any way shape or form anyway and essentially assaulted him and a bunch of innocent people via harpie and then cast him out. Zeus is an abusive asshole and i’ts weird the narrative sides with HIM and not our well meaning doofus. Zeus being an asshole with harpies is not a bad catalyst for the episode, and the harpies being unleashed is used well.. it’s just not a good catalyst for THIS story to try and portray an abuser as in the right. And make no mistake Zeus is a domestic abuser: he had his son mind controlled to try and MURDER innocent people, something Storkules begged him not to do, sent a swarm of creatures after him for the crime of playing his music too loud and in his next episode manipulatives Storkules sad emotional state for personal gain. Why would you try and paint THIS jackass as in the right?

Speaking of painting this jackass in the right sadly.. this episode does not do my boy donald justice. In most episodes he’s pretty nuanced and i’ts fair enough he’d be frustrated by Storkules as a roomate. Storkules has little sense of personal space, breaks his stove thinking theirs hydra in it, makes a mess of the kitchen making them a meal, and in general clearly dosen’t know how to live with a roomate much less in modern society. He has valid concerns and the episode COULD have used it that way.. but he’s also horribly impatient with Storkules. He refuses to get the guy just hasn’t had to live in a modern society and dosen’t know HOW to function in it and instead of helping him just gets mad again and again and gets really pissed when it’s clear Storkules dosen’t have a job and didn’t consider paying rent. He’s not WRONG to want him to pay Rent, despite what ironically the musical Rent would try and have you believe, but he dosen’t have any patience with the guy. And stork isn’t nearly coming on as strong as he normally does. The worst he does is cook the guy lunch and bring his donald fan art with him. Which we don’t see but I am assuming is mostly naked. What i’m saying is for once that while still bombastic, Storkules isn’t trying to force a relationship/friendship on him and simply wants to learn t be an adult from his best friend.. and Donald isn’t bothering teaching him.

Asking for rent or for him not to destroy the stove is fine, but not explaining WHY he needs either of those things or why he needs boundaries, he makes a roomate list, isn’t helping the guy. And this would be fine... but the episode dosen’t call Donald out on it for no real reason. It feels like it’s setting up for a “you should learn to wokrk with someone instead of just screaming at them aseop” that never comes and like with Zeus takes his side because shutup. I’d also LIKE to say this is the only time the writers reduced one of the cast to a caracture of themselves.. but I can’t.  Several episodes in season 3 forgot Louie’s character development and another episode in season 2, The Duck Knight Returns!, somehow reduced both Scrooge and Dewey to parodies of themselves with Scrooge SOMEHOW, despite Della as stubborn as she is being in his care and by his side for decades and Movies bein ga huge business, not having seen a movie since the 1920′s and not knowing how they work and Dewey being reduced to just hyperactive moron. It isn’t as common as other shows like say Regular Show, The Loud House or, for the exact reason I lost intrest, Rick and Morty, but I still expect better, especially since they went into this season KNOWING Donald would be gone for half of it and this would likely be one of his only spotlight episodes. 

Back at the good part of the plot, Louie is having a company meeting aka already treating Huey and Webby like his employees. Webby of course is glad to sign on, if little help in actually coming up with a product while Huey just wants to nope out. And if your wondering why Dewey isn’t involved Louie outright says he’d make a bad employee and while Dewey rises from his bed to object.. he stops halfway to opening his mouth and concludes he has a point. Best gag of the episode. Louie being louie easily cons Huey into staying by making Webby his charts officer. 

So the three have a corporate retreat at Funso’s... granted they don’t have a product but Louie figures this might help. Huey.. still wants out of this and suggest since they already spent what they had on ski ball “Company over?”. It’s clear that Huey just sees this as another one of Louie’s short sighted schemes... and while he’s not ENITRELY wrong, Louie has genuine ambition.. he just has no earthly idea what he’s doing and is shooting way too high.. but for understandable reasons. 1) He’s 11 at this point. 11 year olds aren’t great at business strategy or reinging it in. 2) he wants to live up to what Scrooge said to prove he can be successful and really be worth something like his mom was. 

But sometimes fate throws you one and the harpies bust in. And while Louie wants to do nothing and hope they go away Huey and Webby spring into action.. as does Storkules, who had to leave but warns donald there’s Orzo in the slowcooker and to not open it “LEST THE PASTA FAIL TO ABSORB THE BROTH!” Which is just.... Chris’ best line dleivery the episode. He says it like he’s saying the title of an old Stan Lee and Jack Kirby comic, i’ts wonderful.

So our heroes defeat them and Louie steps in to charge for the service and quickly comes up with a company idea and name “Harp-B-Gone” (A Subsidary of Louie Inc). Louie hires Storkules on the spot. Storkules proudly tells Donald he has a job the next day and goes off to it. What follows is our heroes hilarously shooting a commerical with Storkules playing a baby to promote themselves so they can help who needs it. They just need to find out what they want.. and thanks to the JWG and the harpies stealing it find out they go after people’s most treasured posessions   Cue Ghostbusters-Style Montage

And this isn’t just me saying thing. The Rewriting History Entry (Which as a series weirdly stops around mid-season 2 and I don’t get why frank hasn’t gone back and finished it since) states they specifically based this whole operation on ghostbusters and the entire sequence of our heroes cleanin up the town reminds me of it. The highlight of it is a glomgold cameo where he’s kidnapped.. and refuses to pay so Louie just lets him go. And were this an innocent person who couldn’t afford it, i’d call him a monster.. but it’s glomgold. he brought this on himself.. and also sues himself for it. Wonder if he won. 

So with their stars rising, our heroes get booked on the hottest show in town: Dewey Dew-Night! I had honestly forgotten there was a Dewey Dew-Night segment in there, and delighted I get to talk about this recurring bit.  It’s one of the shows funniest runners and just perfectly FITS Dewey: of course the most egotistical and energetic of the kids would not only want to be a late hnight host but make up his own show. I also love the slow evolution of it: it started as something everyone clearly knew about but he stlill tried to keep hidden, slowly escalated to him allowing the rest of his siblings (Webby very much included) and the giant man who stalks his uncle in, and by later this season he’s putting the show online in the web shorts and gladly shooting it into space, with Season 3 having him spend the first half of let’s get dangerous making a documentary that includes an episode of the show featuring Darkwing. It’s a small thing sure, but it’s the little things like this that make the show special. 

The show does reveal a problem though as it turns out they’ve GOT all the harpies and while Storkules merely wanted to help, Louie points out they need more to keep a buisness going and naturally never bothered to ask Storkules just how many there were. They need SOME plan to get going. Webby submits a legitamte and great idea, training the harpies as she’s been trying to do in the background of the episode and aside from a hole in the floor they are starting to listen. But Huey is an ass about it and not only shoots it down saying let’s keep the dangerous creatures contained, even though A) he has no idea WHERE they’ve been kept so he can’t verify it’s safe, and since i’ts Donald’s Closet no no it’s not. and B)There’s no where he knows of to keep them. He isn’t aware of the other bin till next season. and C) it’s not ehtical to keep creatures locked up forever epsecially since while the harpies are dangerous they arent’ MALEVOLENT and are clearly acting on instinct. oh and for D) at least she has a plan to keep the company going instead of just wanting to end this and cash out. 

Which Huey tries to.. but naturally Louie spent all their money on...

So their broke.. and Storkules has no rent money and feels like a failure despite having done NOTHING wrong. We do get a clever little nod to Disney’s hercules though “I”m not a hero, i’m a zero”. Webby rightfully glares at Louie who decides to fix it... by sneaking into Donald’s house that night to free the harpies. 

Though to the shows credit it’s a VERY bad idea, and Storkules coming in mid attempt and congradulating Louie when he lies about checking the door gets the kid to come clean. And it’s a nice character moment: He could still go through with it.. but it’s clear he realizes just HOW low he was about to sink to save his own skin and that as much as Storkules WANTS a paycheck and deserves one, it’s not worth hurting people to get it. Louie tries to justify after this.. but can’t. 

Unforutnately Donald took a lot of stupid pills this episode, yells about his no pets rule and frees them instead of you know, THINKING for five minutes.

So yeah NATURALLY Donald is an angry shit about it , refusing to actually TALK to Storkules about this or maybe admit this is partly HIS OWN FAULT. Yes their both at fault, Storkules shoudln’t of shoved a bunch of harpies in a closet. That’s a classic blunder. But Donald still opened it and isn’t called out on taking zero responsibility. Huey sees the fracas and just takes down their days without an accident placard, good stuff and he and webby arrive to help. Donald fights with Storkules and Storkules worries about loosing his friend.. lead to them going after the thing he values most aka donlad and hyjacking the house boat, though the kids manage to get aboard. 

As Storkules saves Donald, Louie realizes the most precious thing he has is  his merch and willingly gives it, and his buisness up to save everyone. It’s good character stuff and shows that despite his problems with greed, Louie IS a good kid and will do the right thing. It’s what seperates him from the Rouges Gallery the family faces: He has FLEXIBLE morals but he has morals when it comes down to it. So everyone tosses the stoff to help direct the hapries and make it home tying them up. Donald has a heart to heart with Storkules and agrees to help him find another place, but still considers him a friend and they hug. Awww.  One intresting thing I DID find out from rewriting history is they originally fully intended to have Storkules STAY on the houseboat. He was going to be a permenant member of the household, at least as far as Season 2 was concenred and plans were made for several episodes down the road: the whole bit with him in “The Golden Spear” was simply because he lived there, he was going to be the one Della met in the houseboat, obliviously guilting her about what she’d missed, and he was going to set off the kids subplot in “Whatever Happened to Donald Duck?”

This ended up not happneing for logistical reasons: Frank, and I swear this was the term he used, felt they already had the perfect Himbo in Launchpad and it was just too much HImbo energy for the two to coexist without one taking the others screen time or neither getting a lot. 

The next reason was having a god around simply broke the story: He cited the gilded man from “Nothing Can Stop Della Duck!” as a specific example. There were just too many hoops to jump to have him not break any story he should be around for.  Finally with Della being added to the cast soon there simply wasn’t room in the main cast. Della brought it up to 9, Storkules would make it 10, and as i’ve gone on about the show already had trouble ballancing it’s cast, something Frank admitted to. Adding him would both be too big a stiatus quo change and be one on top of the massive one of Della joining the cast. So he was dropped back to recurring and only showed up one more time. And while it was the right call I am dismayed he didn’t show up for the whatever happened to donald duck subplot and it does feel very weird he never adresses Donald being gone despite, at least for season 2, apparently living in Duckburg. Otherwise though as funny as this wouldv’e been.. yeah it was the right call. 

Scrooge returns... having been absent all episode because otherwise it wouldn’t work and easily saw Louie loosing it all coming.. but gives him a can of lemonade for his troubles and comforts the boy. The heart of htis arc and what makes it work at it’s best.. is these two. Scrooge GENUINELY wants to help Louie see his potetial successor in buisness: oh sure adventure wise he’s throughly covered.. but Webby, Dewey and Della all are more focused on the addventure part and that’s where their passion and talent lies, Huey’s better at science and given his close frinedship with fenton and how much that part of things seems to truly inspire him, i’ts what he was born for, and Donald just wants a regualar life and can’t manage his own life much less a company. 

Louie is the only one in his family whose the right fit to inhereit that part of his legacy and I feel that’s why he takes a special intrest in him and webby over the other two: While he loves all of them and will clearly again leave a piece of his fortune and empire to all of them, Webby is the most like him, as we later find out not coincidentally in the slightest, when it comes to adventuring and curosity and a love of exploration. But Louie is the most like him in other ways; He’s cynical, money driven and passionate. Scrooge simply wants him to be as good a person and buisnessperson as he can be and is trying to push him in the right direction. And does so here by pointing out that failure isn’t a huge problem..it happens, comes with the terriotiry and as we’ve seen with life and times, even with portions of it clearly not happening in this universe, he failed a LOT to get here. What matters is that he tries and tries to do it the right way. 

Scrooge also sympathizes as he was buying a lemonade company in cape suzette, giving Louie the can as a present... but laments there’s no cheap effective way to deliver the lemons. Louie notices the harpies going after the can after he throws it and Webby controlling them with it and muses that theyd idn’t think about what THEY wanted.. nad rightfully gets punched across the lawn by Webby, whose had to spend an entire episode having her surrogate brothers talk down to her and ignore her valid ideas. She dosen’t even open her eyes she just bops him one.

So we end with Scrooge having enlisted the hapries, Louie trying to take credit again and both realizing they might just steal the lemons instead of work for them. Ha ha ha their going to get so sued. 

Final Thoughts: This one was mediocre. It has some good points, Louies arc continues to fascenate me, Huey’s done with this shit attitude is hilarous, and Storkules is at his best in this episode: his crush on Donald is toned down from this..

To this

To the point I could see shipping them off this one if Storkules episode didn’t have him do eveyrthing short of .. well see above.  So it’s not WITHOUT merit: I love me a ghost busters style plot, there are great jokes and Chris Dimatopolis is a gem as always. Glad he’s getting work after this show on Invincible and hope he gets to play Darkwing again some day. But the Donald stuff and the fairly predictable plot drag this one down. I’ts fairly obvious they’ll run out of harpies, Louie will have spent the money and they’ll somehow get free. It’s not a terrible episode but it’s it’s sandwiched story wise between two straight up classics on both sides: the previous two episodes were even better than I remembered and the next two are incredibly good: Whateve Happened to Della Duck?! is one of their finest hours and The Outlaw Scrooge McDuck, while not making my best of list for the series as a whole is still one of my favorites for the season.  It’s just disapointing this one wasn’t nearly as good as I remmebered and it’s understandable why I forgot almost all of it, unlike the previous two episodes. Thankfully as I said better’s over the horizon.

NEXT TIME ON OF MOONS, MILLIONARES AND MOTHERS: I’m taking a break for a week. One of two weeklong breaks for the arc, the other being the first week of July where i’m on vacation anyway (Though i’ll be doing the episode I would’ve done for that week the week before to keep the pace up, so no worries),

 As for why, it’s my utmost honor to announce GOOF WEEK! Goof Week is a weeklong celebration of Goofy’s birthday. The idea came about because as I do for the big three, I intended to just do a shorts special. But Kev , the guy who made this very review possible, suggested doing the two part Goof Troop pilot. And since kev pays for a house of mouth episode a month anyway and thaks to you lovely people I hit my patreon stretch goal to review the goofy movie, I figured “why not make a week out of it. Hence Goof week. So next week we’ll have a review of the two part pilot for Goof Troop, the special Sports Goof, the House of Mouse episode Super Goof, your regularly schedule shorts spectacular, with The Goofy Movie for the grand finale! yaaahoooooieeee! 

When we come back i’ll be shuffling episodes around slightly so I can do the Della comics from the Ducktales Tie-In Comic before her debut and in time for Donald’s own theme week in June, i’ll be saving “Whatever Happened to Della Duck?” for the week after Donald Week. Instead next we get a fun wild west adventure as Scrooge tells a story of his outlaw days, his tension with goldie and his encounter with a certain robber baron as John D Rockerduck FINALLY makes his screen debut. Yee-Haw!

If you liked this review, subscribe and follow for more and consider joining my patroen, patreon.com/popculturebuffet. I have exclusive reviews, my most recent duck based one being an obscure carl barks story about wigs and the boys attempting to murder a guy with a blow gun, and your contribution helps me reach my goals and thus gets everyone, patreon or not, a bunch of neat new reviews. If you get me to 20 dollars a month, i’m currently at 15, EVERYONE will get a monthly darkwing duck reviews, reviews of the two remaning ducktales 87 mini series including the origin of GIZMOOOODDUUUUUCCCKKKK, and a review of the Danny Phantom movie The Ultimate Enemy. And with the month running out NOW’S the time to join. YOu’ll also get to pick one of the shorts for my Donald Duck birthday specail next month, so if you want to join in NOWS the time. But wether you can or you can’t, thank you for reading, i’ts been a pleasure. 

[controversial-ships-anyone]

So, what and why do you like Jerry so much anyways??

You know, no one’s ever asked me that before, so this might take a bit of time for me to answer, just because I do have a lot of thoughts and feelings about why and what made him my favorite character.

I’ll try to keep this brief, but if I end up going a bit more in depth, I apologize in advance.

So, I guess the best place to begin is all the way back in season one. From his first appearance, I really liked him. Even when everyone else in the fandom hated him, he was always my favorite character. I think what originally drew me to him was that I could relate to him and saw some of myself in him.

Plus, I just really liked his whole personality in general, like his little quips (just to name a few of my favorites):

"Oh, look, honey, It's our son with Albert Ein-douche."

"You think you can control me with a haircut?"

"Have you ever tried to relax? It is a paradox!"

"No one is killing me until after I catch my wife with another man."

And I think, because he was my favorite, I tended to pay extra attention to his actions and dialogue, which caused me to notice a lot more about him than I think other fans might have picked up on.

I saw him for who he was: a father that was, and still is, trying his best.

As the show went on, watching him try to argue his case with Beth, trying to get her to understand that Rick is dangerous and he is the reason their family is in constant danger, only for him to be brushed off, verbally abused and hated for the simple goal of wanting his family to be safe, it really only cemented his position in my mind as someone who deserves to be happy and allowed to enjoy things without being ridiculed for them.

I will acknowledge, though, Jerry has made mistakes, he isn’t a perfect person, but out of everyone in the family (at least in the first two or three seasons), he’s the one who apologizes, who tries to make up for whatever he’s done wrong.

One of the best example I can think of off the top of my head is in “Something Ricked This Way Comes," (though that's definitely not the only time he's admitted he was wrong).

In said episode, Jerry realizes his mistake and feels awful for the way he treated Morty, to the point where he starts to cry. Instead of wallowing in self pity, instead of denying that he was at fault, he does what's right.

"Pluto is not a planet."

And even as he gets booed off stage, even as he gets things thrown at him and gets to a point where he is forcibly dragged away from the podium, he says he's wrong.

“I’m an idiot, and I love my son!”

Then, shortly after he gets tossed back home, he goes to Morty and apologizes, tells him that he shouldn't have made his own insecurities Morty's problem.

“Some people just can't handle the truth. Especially dummies like me. Morty, I'm not as smart as your grandpa Rick, but I promise never to make that your problem again."

Again, he's not perfect. He's made some bad mistakes, but like he's said so himself:

"I--I'm not an evil person. I'm lazy, I'm cowardly, and I do not know what I'm doing."

He's trying and that is something I admire most about him, because that's the best thing anyone in his position can do.

They might break something, make a bigger mess than they intended, but as long as they keep trying to fix it, no matter how long it takes, eventually, they'll get it back to how it's supposed to be.

Another reason I like him is because of how much he puts up with. All the constant blame for Beth's pregnancy as if he didn't stay with her and help her through it, as if he didn't also lose his own youth just as she had. All the verbal abuse he's dealt with:

"I don't give a fuck what you think, Jerry."

"Don't insult my father. He's the reason our kids are only half stupid."

"I started today, disgusted and embarrassed to be your son, and later I thought we were gonna die because you're a loser."

"Because if you move the bar so low, you might actually seem like your worth a fuck."

All the times his trauma was brushed off or played as a joke, never being acknowledged or appreciated no matter how much he tries, how much he does for the family.

So, yeah... that's why Jerry's my favorite character and why I like him so much!

That, and, honestly, he's the only character I would want to hang out with in real life, because I honestly feel like the other family members would be assholes.

[pricklerick]

Okay, let’s talk about Beth.

I think the fandom tends to forget how fucking young she is.

Beth got pregnant with Summer when she was seventeen. Canonically, Summer is seventeen. That means Beth can’t be more than 35 in the pilot. At the risk of sounding like an old fart: dude, she’s just a baby. 

Let’s see what we can infer from this information. 

Did you guys know that the prerequisites for veterinary school and medical school are pretty much identical? Basically, it’s four years of undergraduate biology and chemistry, with maybe some math and physics thrown in for fun.

With this in mind, ti’s likely that Beth still planned to go to medical school after she had Summer. We know that Summer is Beth’s favorite child (Morty’s Mindblowers). On top of that, there’s evidence to support that Beth had a pretty big hand in raising baby Summer, while Jerry may have had more of an influence on Morty. Remember this little exchange in Raising Gazorpazorp?

Morty: What do I do if it cries?

Beth: Then you put it down and let it cry itself out.

Jerry: Yeah, right, we tried that technique on Summer, and she's gonna end up stripping, isn't she? Yes, she is. She's gonna strip for attention because she was denied it.

Beth: Stop filling it with your own insecurity! You're gonna turn it into Morty -- uh, mm -- more  -- more of you!

This suggests that Beth kept baby Summer at hime during the day while Jerry worked. It’s easy to imagine Beth taking night classes as the local university, studying like mad to keep a competitive GPA, and justifying her indifference to Summer as “good parenting.”

Beth has Morty when she’s about twenty. This falls a little into headcnon territory, but I think that Beth was a year ahead if her peers academically and probably started college at seventeen. Based on this headcanon, I’m going to say she’s a junior in when Morty is born. 

I think the show makes it pretty obvious that Morty is a mistake. If you really want to get dark, I kind of like the idea of Jerry sabotaging Beth’s birth control in order to get her pregnant because he’s resentful fo her desire for a career in medicine. He sees it as abandonment or some shit, and he also can’t handle the ego-blow of his wife being a doctor. But that’s just a personal theory. Regardless, I think it’s clear that Beth Smith didn’t want to be saddled with another kid.

She probably didn’t want to be saddled with the first. 

Making it through medical school with a toddler is a fucking challenge. Making it through medical school with a toddler and a baby, with a husband who is nebulously supportive at best; well, Beth is a smart woman. She knows an impossibility when she sees one.

Beth is twenty years old, and her dreams have been shattered by her husband and children. I’m sure Jerry makes her feel pretty guilty about how much their family would sacrifice if she continued to pursue her goal of being a surgeon.

Four years, Beth, and the five more years of residency! And you’re talking about fellowship after that! The kids would be teenagers! And how are we going to pay the bills??

Beth settles on vet school for several reasons. First of all - and you better believe she tells Jerry this - what the hell is she going to do with a bachelor’s degree in biology? Teach high school? Even Jerry knows that’s off the table.

But Beth’s already got the prerequisites for acceptance into vet school. Unlike medicine, there’s no residency required to practice as a vet, just four years of graduate study. Some of that is clinical rotations, a much better schedule for balancing family life and academics. Beth tells herself that being a vet is the same as being a doctor; after all, humans are just primates. Besides, there are less than one tenth as many vet schools as there are med schools in the United Staes - it’s just as competitive, more competitive, vein, to become a vet than it is to become a doctor. Sure, she’ll take a pay cut, but she’ll rack up considerably less debt in the process. 

Beth convinces herself that it will all balance out in the end.

She’s a competitive student with a stellar GPA. At barely 22 years old, Beth is accepted into one of the top veterinary promos in the nations, no problem. Jerry pretends to be proud. They don’t even have to move far from Muskegon, but Jerry takes a lower paying position that allows him to take care of the kids while Beth attends class. 

Summer is five years old and startlingly independent. Already, she despises her father. Jerry tells himself that he’s always wanted a son anyway. Morty is young and impressionable, and Beth is never around. 

“It’s just you and me, buddy!”

Beth finishes school in four years. She’s 26, Summer is nine, and Morty is five. She takes a job in a clinic, and for a while, things are okay.

But when she turns 29, something inside Beth snaps. Her twenties are gone. Here she is, mindlessly writing antibiotic orders and spaying cats. Summer is a preteen, Morty is whatever he is. Jerry got a promotion at work, despite his useless civics degree? And Beth?

Beth is bored. 

She briefly entertains the idea of returning to medical school, but dismisses it instantly. Her classmates would be so much younger. They’d find out about her background as a vet and they’d laugh at her. Jerry would whine incessantly. It feels too much like starting over.

So, again, Beth settles for the next best thing.

“I’ve applied for a residency program,” she tells Jerry one evening over a glass of wine.

Three years, she promises. Three years, and then I’m done for good. Equine Surgery, she gushes to Jerry. It’s prestigious, the highest paying specialty in veterinary medicine!

“We’ll have to move!” Jerry protests. Beth justifies it by saying that the salary for horse surgeons is highest in the northeast.

It’s surgery, she tells herself. It’s what you’ve always wanted to do. Horses are big mammals, just like humans are big mammals.

They move to Washington. Jerry takes yet another pay cut. Beth is 30. Summer is 13. Morty is nine.

Washington State’s equine surgery residency is tough. Beth is challenged. She wakes int he wee hours of the morning and falls into bed, exhausted, in the wee hours of the night. 

And for the first time in years, Beth feels alive.

Rick shows up on the doorstep on Morty’s thirteenth birthday. It’s a day of dual-celebration. Morty is finally a teenager, and Beth is finally finished with school.

Beth already feels like she’s in mourning. She’s 33, and she’s at the peak of her career  (you’ll never be smarter than you are in this moment, her favorite mentor had reminded her the day before boards). She starts a job and the horse hospital next week. She’s signed a contract, already received her hefty sign-on bonus.

Then Dad shows up, and all of Beth’s accomplishments fall hollow from her lips. 

She thought he was dead, for christssake.

She introduces Rick to her family: Jerry, her loser husband (cringe, cringe, cringe); Summer, basic teenage bitch (does poorly in school because the would rather be popular than smart); Morty, the fuckup with some learning disability that Beth had never bothered to pay attention to (the real reason that I never lived up to the potential you saw in me, Dad).

It’s enough to drive any woman to drink.

I don’t think I’m too far off the mark here. Beth is so tetchy and self-conscious about her job because she’s relatively new at it - remember the “we’re losing him!” scene in the pilot? She’s incredibly resentful fo Jerry, for all of the reasons. Summer is her favorite child because Beth spent more time with Summer when she was a baby, and she is independent and self motivated - traits that Beth values. She regards Morty with vague disdain, to the point that she hardly remembers his existence, because she was absent for the majority of his childhood. Beth view Morty as “Jerry’s child,” and Summer as hers.

(Quick headcanon that Beth thinks of Morty as looking like Jerry, which just adds to her aversion, when actually, he looks a lot like young Rick. Beth has no way of knowing this, though, because there are no photos of kid Rick Sanchez).

I don’t mean for this post to sound sympathetic toward Jerry, because I’m really not. He’s a hot mess, too. I just wanted to flesh out Beth a little bit, and maybe justify Rick’s choice to clone her. Beth is young; she still has a whole life to live, and she never got the chance to be the woman she wanted to be, or the mom that her kids deserved. 

Rick chose to give her the opportunity to succeed at both.

[cloudsrust]

Death comes in all colors

And here I come one year late with a few of my deaths’ headcanons for the lm3 ghosts-... in short story form because of course I gotta go the extra step,, TW: death mention and description (duh), bones breaking / asphyxiation , choking, firearm’s wounds, freezing, aneurysm. Steward - “A back-breaking job.” His last task for the day was to deliver the luggage that had gotten shipped to the hotel to the rightful rooms, ready to be found by the guests arriving in the morning. It was late at night and the overfilled bell cart, tucked away in the establishment’s warehouse, had gotten stuck between a wall and few boxes. As he was pulling the unstable mess from the side, trying to free it, the cart inclined towards him. The worn out belts barely restraining the luggage to begin with. A sickening “snap” breaking the night's silence, as the buckle of one of the worn out belts freeed itself from its prong, mercilessly hitting him straight across the face, hands instinctively going to cover his newly acquired wound as everything around him fell apart. The heavy suitcases and boxes completely crushed him, splitting his spine and breaking his ribs. A shard of the latter penetrating one of his lungs, making it burst. Unable to call for help, he slowly died by asphyxiation, the weight of the luggage “mercifully” taking his last breath away before the internal blood loss could. He is keen to both anger and panic attacks because of how he was treated when alive, both of those feeling still stirring in his heart, unable to find rest. Chambrea - “Feeling your heart in your throat.” The butler of the mansion where Chambrea served as a maid fell in love with her. Many letters and flowers were found in her small room in the following mornings, sweet smiles and compliments filling her days. Even though that was the closest thing she could get to one of the romances in her adored love novels and as much as she desired an happily ever-after, now she needed that job more than a stereotypical love story. She kept refusing him over and over, apologetic smiles following offers to pay him back the money the flowers must've costed. The servant, however, just couldn't stand the thought of rejection. Just as a rope being pulled over and over, he snapped. The night the inhabitants of the manor were out for a private party, he killed her in retaliation, strangling her to death. The thought of “if I can't have her, no one will” only made sense until the time to dispose the body came, clarity coming back to him as he dragged her body across the dark street. He hadn't much time to regret his actions, as Chambrea took her vengeance scaring him off the same bridge he was trying to use to dispose of her corpse. Neither of the bodies were ever found. She still loves to read romantic and tragic novels but she doesn’t feel ready for an actual relationship anytime soon. Her heart stuck in her throat every time she talks with a man, remembering her last moments alive. Steward is trying to slowly help her move on, is the least he can do for a friend colleague. Kruller - “A shot in the dark.” He was a night guard in training at the Grand Mall of the city. It was supposed his first night alone in his side of the mall, a more experienced co-worker taking care of the other half. It seemed a calm night like usual, more tiring the stressful. It would've been so if a thief hadn't managed to avoid security during closing time, hiding in the vents. After an hour or so of undisturbed shoplifting, Kruller finally encountered the criminal during the patrol of his side. Taser gun ready to fire in his shivering hands, still inexperienced in field action, the cop still found the courage to stutter a “Freeze!”. That word sealing his fate. A round of bullets perforating his stomach and chest as the mysterious man turned around firing by instinct, shocked by the sudden threat coming from behind him. The thief fled the scene, leaving the mall cop bleeding to death. The other night guard, alerted by the shoots rushed to his position, calling the ambulance at the sight of the blood pooling and running along the floor tiles. But help didn't come in time, Kruller last words desperately trying to describe the criminal, in hope of justice. He has a serious fear of both realistic looking and real firearms and he still has trouble speaking up from time to time, the remembrance of his error still lingering in his mind. Chef Soulfflé - “Best served cold.” Left behind by his trusted staff to make the inventory of the remaining and the needed supplies for the night, Soulfflé was checking the state of the meat in the freeze chamber. A few misplaced cleaning supplies tragically slipped from their grip on the tiled wall, still humid from the cooking vapor, falling on the chamber’s door, slowly closing it. The spine chilling click of the automatic lock making the chef drop the pack of meat he was inspecting. A few minutes passing with him trying to desperately call for help, the leftover hours of his life passed making peace with himself, writing down his will on the ingredients checklist he had with him. His staff only found his body the next morning, various aliments scattered on the floor, the cardboard where they were stored laying on the frozen corpse as a last hope to produce enough warmt to survive the night. He overcooks the meat by mistake: unable to feel warmth, no matter the temperature, for him everything will always be and remain cold. Amadeus Wolfgeist - “A heartbreaking performance.” Entire days and sleepless nights dedicated to that night, the evening of his concert- just for an aneurysm to take his life before he could complete that cursed melody. Slowly feeling his body crumbling from the inside, responding to his will no more. Hands grasping at the piano keys like a stray dog does with a found bone, his hunger for glory, for redemption, pushing him to keep on going. His fingers suddenly stiff, the last note mocking him with its silence as his vision completely faded to black. Falling to the harsh floor of his reality as red curtains covered the stage, marking his demise. His mind is still plagued by that composition, cursed to always rehears it but to never complete it, his hand still phasing through that last note. It is always better to keep an ear out for such music, just to know when is better to not interact with him at all. ...and that’s all- y’all can surely  see how in the last two stories I was just rushing through eh,,  I do want to share the titles and “plots” that where planned for the other ghosts! (Yes, giving titles is usually my fave part ahah)

MacFrights - “A stab to your pride.” Killed by a spear during a jousting tournament. His saddle slipped at the worst moment, letting his opponent’s weapon into the eye hole of his helmet. (My MacFrights’ design as a deep scar on his right eye, a bit OOC I know-) Dr. Potter - “Quiet as a falling leaf.” Died of old age. Came back to take care of the garden of his beloved wife, passed away years before him and now resting in her garden’s greenhouse, now her mausoleum. She already passed on, but Potter can’t let go of the only thing that remains of her, keeping him tied to the mortal world. (I kinda wish to come back to this one, maybe write a bit about it- but it’s a quite slim chance) Morty - “Letting the credits roll." (TW: suicide mention) Commited suicide via sleeping pills. He was the best conductor of his times, always aiming for perfection in every shot. It was when he reached the top that he understood that he could never reach that perfect dream of his, and that all that he was left with were just golden trophies and broken relationships. He let his movie end in hope of a sequel. (Another OOC, I like the idea of him being the complete opposite of what he was in real life, some sort of desire for redeeming himself and truly enjoy his love for movies. I want to write about this one, I really want to expand on this- so I might have a stand alone fan-fic for this.) Ug - “Flesh and bone.” Died of starvation. Not much to say about him- he lived in tough times with scarce food. Clem - “Washing away your memories.” While he worked in the sewers, he drowned after some falling pipes hit his head, beating him unconscious. He suffers from memory loss, not remembering anything from his mortal life- except a deep love for ducks. (Headcanon of mine is that he worked at a farm with his mother and many siblings- he accept a job into the sewer system to help his family in a time of struggle of the farm.) Serpci - “Sacrifices must be made." Offered herself to be sacrificed to the gods, to help his reign during dark times. Lindsay, Nikky, Ginny - “Warming up the audience.” (TW: childrean’s death) One of their fire tricks malfuctioned, ending into an fire enveloping the room they were performing in. They died of suffocation, due to the thick smoke, before the flames could reach them. Lindsay, the older sister, protected her two siblings until the end. Capitain Hook - “Putting salt on a wound.” Eaten by the shark he was hunting for half his life. Fate played the cruel joke to turn him into his most hated enemy once he became a ghost. Johnny Deepend - “Hitting on you.” Hit his head on the side of the pool as he was attempting a complex dive, trying to hit on his crush. It wasn’t his most succesfull move- Phantasmagloria - “Shock! at the disco.” (Yes I’m P!ATD trash thank you for noticing lmao) She was electrocuted by her malfunctioning equipment.

[revchainsaw]

Demon Wind (1990)

Demon Wind (1990)

Greetings and blessings upon you my flock! Welcome to the Cult of Cult. I am your pastor and priest of pop culture, ordained minister of genre films, the good reverend Chainsaw McGraw. You may just call me Reverend Chainsaw. Come and accept our sacrament upon the altar of online internet reviews. Our first holy offering is an absolute treasure, 1990′s Demon Wind. An offering ripped from the blood inked pages of the Evil Dead’s Necronomicon Ex Mortis, Demon Wind is not quite an unofficial entry into the world of Ash and the Deadites, but if you have exhausted the Catalogue of Sam Raimi Horror flicks (and let’s be honest, if you’re reading a Tumblr review of Demon Wind, you probably have), then Demon Wind will scratch that itch for sure.

The Message

Our anointed offering opens upon a boarded up farm house owned by simple country occultists George and Regina Carter. There’s a Mean Girls reference to be made here. George and Regina are defending their homestead from an unseen force (A Demon Wind some might say) through a Christian/Witchcraft combination of gospel music, a set of holy daggers, and a diary full of Regina’s spells. Unfortunately it’s not very effective, and George is possessed. George kills Regina, drops a snow globe, and for some inexplicable reason the farmhouse explodes bringing the films epilogue to a close. 

With that we are brought to the year 1990 where our rag tag group of heroes converge upon the supernaturally supercharged Carter farm with one mission in mind, helping a homie sort out his shit. What a great group of friends; I can barely get the crew together for a game night but our protagonist Cory has a group of friends so tight they are willing to drop everything and drive untold miles to nowhere in particular just because he had a bad dream. Speaking of “tight” friends, of our doomed party, no friends are so tight as Chuck and Stacey, but we’ll get to that, in short order. Let us meet the fellowship of ding dongs who will battle the blustery bogeys of Demon Wind.

Cory is the star of the show. A fairly blasé everyman who’s so caught up in his chosen one journey that he can’t even bother to be slightly interesting. He is the grandchild of the oh so fetch (see I got to it) Regina/George pairing from earlier in the film. Cory is haunted by mysterious dreams, and a tragic reunion with his demented father, which draw him to the Carter farm. There is however more to meets the eye, you see Cory is from the planet Namek. Watch the movie, you’ll catch my drift. 

Elaine is Cory's girlfriend and wants nothing more than to pull her pants down in public to bring a smile to his face. 

Dell is Cory’s friend? Bully? Enemy? it’s not entirely clear. It seems Dells role in this story is to be an unabashed asshole and chauvinist to every character that interacts with him. He is also perhaps Elaine’s brother, or someone's brother. Listen, you’d have to pay wayyyy more attention than this movie warrants to parse out all the relationship dynamics in this flick. Let’s just say, Dell is here, and despite how he acts, the other characters seem to be ok with that fact.

Terri is Dell’s girlfriend and a good friend of Elaine. Despite being on the arm of a typical 80s teen flick bad guy, Terri seems to be the most eligible bachelorette on the Carter farm. Or so it may seem, but as I’ll explain later I think there is a truer love than can be expressed that really keeps Terri from leaving Dell.

Jack is a Big Ol’ Nerd. He speaks like the writers were convinced using a thesaurus was enough to convince us that the guy is existentially unfuckable. The guy is basically just Billy from Power Rangers, but instead of piloting a badass Triceratops Zord he just kids very mildly bummed when the love of his life is transformed into a very judgmental spontaneously combusting doll.

Speaking of spontaneously combusting dolls, the victim of that very unfair end is Bonnie. Bonnie clearly had way more confidence in the love of her bookish beaux than she should have. The betrayal is immense, not that Jack couldn’t save her, but just in the fact that when she meets her demise (despite the fact that he promised he’d protect her) he is not at all distraught. Poor Bonnie, she is by far the most human feeling of the cardboard cut out female protagonists in this film and she deserved better. Let’s be honest, Jack was looking for an out, and Bonnie was just too real for this movie.

And Now, without further ado, I’d like to introduce the greatest power couple in the history of B Movie Horror Cinema: Chuck and Stacy. If you think my introduction is a bit much, I promise that the film goes much further. Demon Wind begins it’s love affair with this bromance in delightfully extravagant style. There’s magic, explosions, opera, karate, beer and bunnies and a big ol middle finger to fucking Dell. Chuck had at once been romantically involved with Terri, but things went south somehow and he claims that he still holds a flame for her. Despite this continued insistence I think it’s plain to see that Chuck found comfort, magic, and a ride or die hunk in the arms of Stacey. Stacey is a suave, sharp, smooth talking guy, whose only desire in life seems to be whatever keeps Chuck around, and that seems to mean a lot of stage magic and martial arts! I could write about Chuck and Stacey all day, so I’ll move on from here.

The cast of this film is wild and honestly even the weak ones are fun to watch. There is no character on the roster who is easy to mistake for another. That is why it is so fun to watch them meet their demise and even more fun to see them return under the possession of the demon wind as oopy goopy caricatures of their human selves. And this does go on for quite awhile. Unfortunately even Chuck and Stacey are not enough to protect the surreal landscape in which they find themselves. At one point in the film a second set of friends drop by to add 2 more bodies to the massacre. Willy and Reena, a gangly set of clothing accessories who are given legs, but hey Ear Ring and Beret, I mean Willy and Reena are still fun to see torn to shreds.

The movie ultimately reveals that the madness was sparked by the fact that a cult worshipping a Demon God named Delos had actually built the homestead and the cursed ground they stand upon is the stage for the cult leader, a preacher named Anders to finally become the host of said Demon God. As interesting as that lore may sound on paper, it’s not particularly well executed, and Cory’s role to play in all of this is even more vague. All in all the 3rd act of this film feels a bit anti-climatic even if it does feature a demon superhero fight. 

All that said I’d like to move on to the next phase of our sacred liturgy. The sacred and profane, the highs and lows of this movie.

Benediction

Best Feature: What the What?

The best feature of Demon Wind has to be how bizarre it is. It throws everything it can think of at the audience. Burning Skeletons leap from Crosses, eggs that hatch into piles of worms, EXPLODING BABY DOLLS, Cow skulls with long sticky tongues made of human intestines! They certainly sacrificed logic in order to insure they provided the audience with something they haven’t seen before.

Best Kill/ effect: A Cowmen Album Cover!

The best effect in Demon Wind is also it’s best kill. while investigating a barn on the Carter property, which is full of occult symbols, animal remains, and fun Texas Chainsaw Massacre style crafts. One of the crafts catches the eye of Beret, I mean Reena. You know by her hat that she knows a thing or to about fine art. This particular piece of barn décor is a human skeleton with a cow’s skull. As she is inspecting this “beautiful” piece, what appears to be a human intestine, flies from the mouth of the cow skull and wraps around Reena like a chameleons tongue. The intestine begins to retreat into the jaw of the skull bringing Reena’s head along with it. The skull chomps down into Reena, we get a satisfyingly bloody show, and Reena’s body winds up hanging limp from its mouth. 

Second place belongs to Bonnie, but we’ve already spoken to that bizarre spectacle.

Best Scene: I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Stacey!

Chuck and Stacey enter the scene. I know I’m inconsistent in how I spell Stacey/Stacy. This scene was mentioned above and you just have to see it. Watch until Cory intervenes.

Best Character(s): Stacey Cassidy and the Sundance Chuck

Stacey is the best character in this film, but as I’m sure he wouldn’t accept this honor alone I have to make it a tie. Chuck and Stacey are just so good. Every moment they are on screen is a treasure. The introduction of these two just received the honor of best scene, but they shine as Demons and in an even longer sequence leading to their demise. They take the watch at the Carter home and from the fog emerges a t!ddy ghost, my congregants will be familiar with this sort of creature, who attempts to lure them outside. Stacey puffs up Chucks confidence calling him “John Wayne”, Chuck proposes they go on a Tahitian vacation, but Stacey wisely wary of voodoo suggests Vegas. And there you have it, these two pure good boys are surviving this flick and they are getting married in Vegas. Unfortunately, they decide to speed things up a bit, and decide that although they are not tempted by the t!ddy ghost, that they can use their karate magic to defeat the demonic hordes. They march out into the woods, but we can add the power of love to the list of things that are no use against the Demon Wind. Our best boys meet their fates together like two old west heroes, guns blazing! Oh, oh, but they come back as demons and they eat Dell, so thank God for that. 

Worst feature: I ordered these Deadites from Wish

 The villains are not particularly interesting. It’s boring, goopy, bad mouth piece demons that have appeared in hundreds of demon flicks already by this point, and it really makes you want to go back to the unexplained paranormal happenings from earlier in the movie rather than fighting these dollar store Deadites. The fact that the film leans into this in it’s third act really makes the film feel incredibly front loaded. 

Worst scene: Cory in the House

Pretty much any scene that focuses on Cory is a bit weak. He’s just not fun. He gets to transform into an anime character in the end of the film and he’s still melodramatic and boring. This is often a problem with main characters in films, the writers don’t want them to be unlikeable or too quirky so the fun parts are always the supporting cast. 

Worst Character: Dude, you’re NOT getting a Dell!

 Don’t get me wrong, I hate Dell. But Dell is a big dumb goon who is just so fun to watch suffer and act like an utter meathead, and being hateable is not the worst thing a character can be. For this reason I have to give the worst character award to Cory; for many of the reasons I spoke about above.

Summary:

How fitting that a B movie gets a B. But that’s really a great place for this movie to be. So many big Hollywood productions don’t deserve that spot. Though Demon Wind may drag in the middle, and the characters and effects may be quite corny, it is certainly not boring. Demon Wind is eye candy even though it looks so ugly. It has some of the most loveable murder lambs in the genre and one of my favorite bromances in all of cinema, If you are a fan of Gonzo Horror then Demon Wind is a must see. If you are not all that into that sort of thing I promise you’ll have a good time. I highly recommend it. 

Overall Grade: B

[heartbxnd-blog]

// Time to talk about masks in specific, bc I totally forgot about bringing those over from my old blog:

It goes without saying, but still important to bring up. People wearing objects that fully cover up/block the view their faces are forbidden from entering any gym building (this goes from motorcycle helmets, to masks that fully block the view of the user’s face [regardless of their looks or the person’s reasoning for keeping them]). This is a safety measurement, there is no such thing as trying to evade it.

This also applies for his clairvoyance sessions- he will not take any patrons, who keep them on.

This is why no gym leader or League assosciate is seen wearing anything of that kind, while on duty.

Obviously the mun isn’t taking Galar into consideration with this tidbit here. Before anyone tries to point that out.

Needless to say Morty doesn’t trust masked people, not even in the slightest. Obviously the context he finds himself in greatly matters, but most of the time this is the easiest way to make him raise red flags about and pay extra attention on someone.

While on duty, he takes immense offense when someone won’t show their face to him to a point that depending on the situation he won’t even respond/talk/communicate with them until they come forth about it. The way that he sees it, is that this person is either untrustworthy, unworthy of his time, childish and disrespectful.

This is a habit that he has gained from working as a gym leader, he has been instructed to act and see things like this while working. The face is essential for him to read someone, if that can’t be done- then he won’t risk his safety and others’ around him.

Speaking of situations where he will be more lenient- won’t mind it (if at all) range from traditional festivals in Ecruteak city, to coordinators’ outfits in contests. In other words: he must be off his duty- not working. Although it still doesn’t mean he will be fully lowering his guard around them, don’t mistake it as a sign of trust.

[awakenedprince]

So uh. I know one of my more recent posts on here has been a hiatus, but here is another psa. Not exactly a hiatus. I don’t know what this is. Tbh, maybe I’m just writing this as an outlet, so I fully understand if people don’t want to click read more for fear of triggering content because fuck I know I’m getting triggered by tea of all things.

I’m still going to be around for the HalidomHappenings event, but the other two mods know the situation. I’ll still be around to help on dms as usual, since I know some people prefer talking to me personally rather than going to the event askbox, but please understand if I don’t respond immediately. I know it’s a few weeks away, but I am doing my best to take care of myself, which I have a bad track record with. Actual activity? Who knows.

11 and a half days ago, I found my grandmother dead just inside of our front door. Mum and I both did. If anyone’s seen some other posts this year or has known me for a while, this is the same grandmother who was hospitalised in March, who fell in late September, and I’ve had to rush to hospital years before that. I think I posted about how I was struggling to care for her a few months ago... Even despite all that, this was classed as an unexpected death, to the point the ambulance called the police because procedure states that they have to check for no foul play.

She had her heart monitored within a week of this, and was supposed to see a heart failure nurse this month. Unfortunately, that letter was actually posted the day we found her so it was too late... So yeah. Despite all her issues, this was sudden.

We haven’t heard the result from the coroner yet, but we’re thinking heart attack. Which is kind of fucked up given she was taken off her heart meds after the hospital stay. When she was re-admitted and had a fall in hospital. Which they blamed on poly-pharmacy i.e. Having too many meds. When she had a 39 degree celcius/102.2 farenheit temperature. Oh, and literally she had that fever when my parents were driving her out of the hospital, and dad had to turn the car around before truly getting off hospital grounds... The fall was on ward. Her discharge papers stated she came back because of the fall. We don’t know if it was a mistake or a cover up, as she was unsupervised during the fall.

We never got told why those heart meds were removed. We asked. She was diagnosed with heart failure 8 years ago, yet she was being reinvestigated for it.

She might have died anyway. It may have been inevitable; she was deteriorating badly, but the issues I’ve highlighted above aren’t the only things that went wrong, or are worrying. I love the NHS, and I’ve heard too much about the high costs in the US to want anything else. But we may genuinley need to pursue malpractice, depending on what the coroner says but if we do... That’s fucked up. I hope to fuck it isn’t malpractice because how the fuck are my mother or I ever going to be able to trust what our doctors tell us again? Along with all the other ramifications of that outcome.

...But that’s not the most important thing. I’ve lost the first person to hold me as a baby, before even my mother did. The person who instantly forgave me for any transgression and if we argued, started praying that I forgave her, even if I was clearly the one acting out because fuck she couldn’t stand the idea of hurting someone. The person who raised me when my parents were working abroad way more than was probably healthy for their child who can’t even remember when they started going away.

I came home, expecting a high pitched “Kati!” with her wolding up to me, ignoring how swollen her legs had become since coming off her heart meds, pulling me into a hug because I hadn’t seen her 23 days because I needed a break, and went abroad. Instead, as I was sorting out my bag, I heard my mum gasp, looked up, and saw my grandmother’s body. She’d had a visit the previous day from a Bulgarian woman (gran didn’t speak English) we were paying to chat with her for 2 hours a day, but even so she’d been there so long she’d gone into rigger mortis. Now I’m coping with her death with or without the added stress of a potential investigation into her medical treatment.

And as I typed that last paragraph, I pictured the scene I’d imagined as we were walking down the front drive. Once again I’m in tears because I want to hear that voice so bad, after I’d somehow made it through most of today alone in this house, picturing her body at the bottom of the stairs because there is no other way to get down to the kitchen or get out the front door. I had to take my glasses off because eyestrain isn’t as bad as not being able to see because my tears are fogging them up. I only came back from Bulgaria so early so that I could look after her and instead I’m alone in the fucking house whereas normally, I’d be constantly listening out for her moving about, terrified that she might fall. That I’d find her dead at the bottom of the stairs. Like I did. We don’t believe she fell, but she was exactly where I never wanted to find her.

The past couple of days there was a tree branch caught just above her bedroom window. Mum cut it yesterday, but it kept banging as if my gran was moving about in there.

I doubt anyone read all of this, but I thank you for any understanding you might have. I’m not going on hiatus again because hell I might want the distraction. Or I might vanish. I don’t know. My grandmother wasn’t someone you put in a care home and visit twice a year. She lived with us, and died in our home. I was her carer and before that, she was my babysitter. I don’t know how any of you are with your grandparents, and I understand that for anyone losing a family member is horrible. To me, this is like losing a parent.

I just want to hear my baba’s voice again. I want to eat her cooking, and I want her to hug me.

[abalonetea]

@drabbleitout asked me what Bolte looked like in written form, and I realized that i didn’t actually have a post for it so! here we are!

in essence, he looks like a more battle hardened version of Locke - my icon! he wears his hair in a short crew cut, has sharp cheek bones, and a "rigor mortis" of a scowl. he has a nasty scar over his right eye, which is brown, where as his left eye is blue. sharp features and far, far less baby faced than Locke could ever be - he only looks his actual age when he’s sleeping. they aren’t the same character, and they don’t look the same, but they’re foils of each other so there is a similarity between them - like two people who you look at and go yeah if it was really dark and i wasn’t paying attention, i could maybe mistake the two.

he keeps his teeth sharpened into fangs, and is quite literally covered in scars. there are particularly nasty ones on his left hip in the pelvis region, and on his left knee, both of which were shattered, at separate points in time. his hands are also very scarred; burn scars from his fire magic, and scars from both picking at his hands and putting his fist through the wrong thing. another scar of note was given to him shortly before becoming General by Midnight herself; cutting from the nape of his neck down towards his collar bone; the same lengths and curve on his backside.

build wise, he is long legged and strong shouldered, more muscular through the arms than elsewhere. thin lips, usually healing from some split or another, and ragged, ruined nails. frequently described as having a sharp cut to his jaw, with a nick in one ear from an old battle wound.

only ever wears dark colors, in case he needs to step outside of the house. usually in black tank tops and trousers, a leather tunic that serves as the “casual” guard’s uniform, or in his battle armor - which, unless he is attending a ball, consists of bone armor he creates with magic. his steel toed boots were a gift from Captain when he graduated, to go with his newly attained scar and status as General.

Bolte is right around the seven foot range, if not into it by an inch or two. unless he’s home with Red, he walks with a stiff posture that commands attention and respect. often has something or another wrapped with bandages, and usually has a nasty bruise or freshly healing wound on him somewhere. his prize possession is also the only splash of color he owns; a bright red scarf that Red made him when they were younger.

on the rare occasion that he smiles, it makes everything about him look so much lighter, makes him look so much younger! has no fashion sense of his own because he’s never been able to develop one, and no real interests in it past “i wish my hair could be long” but that’s a safety hazard in his line of work.

[lettalady]

Number 8 please, with whatever pairing that comes to mind, or something entirely new :) Thank you!

Hello darling! Thanks for sending me a challenge/ response (and terribly sorry that I seemingly forgot how much I enjoyed writing there for a long long while). And choices? Choices, oh my. So many pairings… or even something new. Oh man, my brain has gone several different ways all at once. Let’s see what I can make of this. Ok ok. I think I’ve got it. Now for a play on the Word Prompt Challenge [send me a word or phrase and I’ll write a story] - the 30 Sentence Prompts! 

8: “My life would suck without you”

[From the world of (I’ll Always Want) More]

It wasn’t always like this between us. When we met, for instance. It was so very  different. We were different. Seemingly different people entirely. We must have been… and then individually changed, slipped away from one another. And the thing that existed between us changed, too. 

That must have been what happened - we changed and each didn’t bother to tell the other. But if I’m really being honest with myself, and that’s something I try my best to do, the changes in me are directly in relation to him. Father warned me but I was sure I knew better. Mother pleaded for reason. I insisted she was wrong, and was both insulting me and my fiancee by insisting that I draw up a prenup. Instead I drew a line in the sand. They could choose to love me, thereby the new us, or they could hold their thoughts to themselves. 

In predictable Henderson fashion, they let me learn from my mistakes with little input from the family. Little did I know that taking the name MacDaniel would cost me so much. 

During our few month courtship Jacob was nearly perfect. He ticked off all the important boxes, and - at the start - suffered from such typical and forgivable character flaws that I found it easy to make excuses. They were all things I could easily overlook. I was madly in love with the man I thought he was before I knew it. 

Ah, hindsight. So easy to see the truth of things when you can no longer do anything about it. 

Except I had. 

After losing count of the affairs, and snide words, and horrible behavior, I’d decided to do something. Finally, taking the advice that I should have taken as gospel upon first hearing, I woke up this morning with the desire to get as far away from Jacob MacDaniel as I could. 

Jacob, true to the hidden man I had more recently come to know, did not take it well: “What?”

He’d heard me perfectly well. 

“I’m leaving. I’m leaving you.” All measures of the same four words I had clearly enunciated after reentering our room, finding him still lounging in bed mid-morning, watching something on his phone. “I want a divorce.” 

“You don’t mean that.” 

He never set aside his phone in the next half hour of deliberation. Never quite got to pleading his case, or begging for a twelfth chance. He jumped ahead to things I had thought to anticipate, steeled myself against. Anger. And the same flare of temper that had snuck up on me after fourteen months and left me shocked, reeling that a soft observation of his state from me upon his late arrival home could result in hostility so sharp I was still wary of him the following day when the apologies started pouring from those same cruel lips. 

“Oh, Cat.” That snarled smile came out, still strong enough to give me chills even in memory, “You think my life would suck without you. I was doing just fine before reeling you in. And if you do it - if you try to leave me I’ll get the best this city has to offer and I’ll take you for all you’re worth.” 

It was only after leaving the house I allowed myself the smallest of smiles. Morty is an asshole of the first degree, and thinks money will make him happy. It won’t do much to even begin to make up for the things he’ll pay for, one way or another. 

Why smile then, Paige, you might wonder? He might try, but he can’t get the best representation this city has to offer. The best this city has to offer is the firm Dean, Richards, Casey, and Hiddleston. And the man at the helm, Bernard Edward Dean himself, is my godfather.

[grassbladepencil]

In Defence of High Guardian Spice

note: this was supposed to be a script for a video essay, so I apologise for any grammar mistakes. 

To be honest, I don’t even feel that passionate about this show. I just feel passionate about all the men who are saying it isn’t good. 

On the 22nd of August, Crunchy Roll, an anime streaming service, uploaded a short trailer / introduction video to an original cartoon series named High Guardian Spice. I checked it out, honestly expecting something about weed, and was instead greeted with some cute magical girls going to a magical school. It didn’t seem offensive at all. Yes, the concept had been done before, but it’s always interesting to see new takes on it by different production companies. I didn’t pay the show much thought (mostly because I didn’t care that much) before I saw the huge backlash coming from creators. The production team did seem kind of full of themselves, but other than that I didn’t see a huge problem. 

A lot of people were getting annoyed at the 100% female writing board, and I definitely see why this is valid. It’s hard enough to get a job as a writer whatever your gender, and if you believe that you would've done a better job than one of the women on board that’s completely valid and understandable. But to put this kind of thing in perspective, I would like to show you some of the crews on TV’s most popular cartoons.  

Adventure Time 

The Amazing world of Gumball

family guy (yes, this is wikipedia.)

It’s very telling when the most problematic shows (like Family Guy and Rick and Morty) have more female writers than kid’s cartoons. This doesn’t mean said kid’s cartoons are bad, however, it just shows that a 100% female writing crew isn’t as radical as you think, especially seeing as most cartoons feature a majority of male writing staff. Furthermore, just 50% of the overall crew is female, meaning that men will still play a role in production. 

I’d like to bring this point up too. While men can certainly write convincing female characters (Mabel Pines, Lorna from Over the Garden Wall, Anais from The Amazing World of Gumball) , sometimes it’s nice to hear a woman’s perspective on a character. Too often female characters come across as watered down and unrealistic, or overly catty, and I believe that having more female writers would help target this. An example is Eleven from Stranger Things, who somehow manages to be jealous of Max despite living in a lab her entire life and most likely never meeting a romantic rival. Of course, there’s always a risk of this going the other way - female writers may blow up stereotypical male traits - making every man burly, loud and unfeeling, but somehow i doubt this will happen. 

This cartoon may be incredible or it may be utterly rubbish, but I think it’s important not to judge a book by its cover. The writing staff could definitely do with more women of colour, and I hope Crunchy Roll will consider revising its team because of this, especially because the show boasts such a diverse cast. 

I feel like this show has brought out the worst in people, and it’s been upsetting seeing some of my favourite critics dismiss it just because of it having a 100% female writing team. I hope all the criticism will die down by the time it’s released next year, and we can appreciate it regardless of how we feel about the writing staff.