#the mood is modal

[sheliesshattered]

I can't believe it's somehow Friday already, and I haven't posted yet about Sunday's May the Fourth Star Wars Nite at Disneyland. After my last post about my Batuu Bounding projects a little over a week ago, I finished sewing the clasps onto my vest, gave it one last press, and called it done. I'm so pleased with how the vest turned out, with the improved fit and length over the first version, and I'm glad I didn't have to cut any corners to get it done in time.

With the vest finished on Thursday afternoon, that gave me a little bit of time to work on some of the accessories I wanted to add to the outfit: a remake of my kyber crystal necklace:

And a matched pair of magnetically-attached lapel communicator badge greeblies:

I did a lot of reading up on lapel greeblies and communicator badges that appear in official Star Wars media, as well as looked around a bunch of fan-made ones. Most fan-made ones are 3D printed these days, but I don't have access to a 3D printer, so I rounded up some craft foam and a bit of plastic from an egg carton that had a cool texture, and checked my aging paint supply to see what colors I could make work. Lapel greeblies seen in Star Wars are almost always silver metal colors, with red, yellow, and blue accent colors, so I stuck with those.

I used some of the leatherworking tools I bought when making my belt to punch holes in some thinner craft foam, to make something that looks like a speaker grill. It's not perfect, but I'm really pleased with how these turned out, especially for a first attempt at making a Star Wars greeblie.

Sadly the one thing I did mess up was the polarity of one of the magnets I used (out of the 16 I glued on, four each on the interior and exterior portion of each greeblie), which I didn't discover until we were just about to walk out the door to head to Disneyland. Without enough time to glue it back on the right way, I just peeled the magnet off and left one upper corner without a magnet at all -- and at some point in the night, it snagged on something and fell off without either of us noticing. But the other one did survive the night (and is now being used as a fridge magnet lol), and we did manage to get this one photo of me wearing the greeblie on my vest:

I debated bringing my lightsaber and carrying bag again this year, but in the end I'm glad I did, as I was able to take it out and spin it around a few times throughout the night (including getting to jam out to the Modal Nodes at the end of the night). Besides that, we spent the evening eating yummy themed food, people watching (so many people in costume!) and riding a few rides.

Having now gotten to wear my Samæni Ray outfit to Disney on three very different days -- a random Tuesday in February for my birthday, a weekday Star Wars Nite in April last year, and Sunday May the Fourth Star Wars Nite this year -- Jack and I had some interesting discussions comparing and contrasting each of our Batuu trips.

This year's Star Wars Nite was much busier than last year, and I heard that the May the Fourth night was the only one that sold out. The costuming from other attendees was an order of magnitude better than last year, so we got to do more people watching, but the trade off was that the lines for everything were a lot longer. We did have a few moments of being in Batuu and not having anyone in our direct line of sight that wasn't in costume, which was particularly cool.

But at the same time, there's something really special about going to Galaxy's Edge on a slow day in the park and being the only ones Batuu Bounding. We got a lot more personal attention from Cast Members and were able to take our time since we stayed in that one area of the park all day long. The night we went for my birthday didn't have fireworks or a projection show, but that's the one thing I might want to try to schedule around if we were to do this again in the future.

As for future trips, we don't currently have anything planned, and I think we might be on a cooldown for Disney trips in general for a bit. It looks like the next Star Wars Celebration, in 2027, will be in Los Angeles, and if we were somehow able to go to that, I could see breaking out this outfit again (along with some more traditional cosplay), but other than that I think I may just try to incorporate some of the pieces into my wardrobe when I'm feeling particularly Star Wars-y.

And as for next sewing projects, once I cleaned up the mess I'd left on my craft table with all the last minute greeblie work, I got straight into drafting patterns for the next few things I want to sew. I've got one, maybe two more patterns I want to draft before I shift gears into actually sewing, but I'll make a post about each of those projects as they start to come together.

[nalza73]

Ohhh auntie.....muuaahhhh

Nama ku khalil, sekarang aku berumur 25 tahun kisah benar ini berlaku semasa aku berumur 20 tahun waktu itu aku tinggal menyewa bersama berapa orang kawan di bandar k. Jiran sebelah rumah ku adalah sepasang suami isteri berbangsa cina yang mempunyai sepasang anak aku hanya memanggil mereka dengan panggilan uncle dan auntie dan anak lelaki mereka sebagai ah bee dan anak perempuan mereka ahling sahaja manakala mereka mengenali aku sebagai mi. Uncle berumur 40+ manakala auntie 30+ anak mereka 8 dan 10 tahun dan aku sendiri 20+. Aku tidak tahu apa pekerjaan uncle tetapi ku lihat dia jarang berada dirumah, isterinya tidak bekerja dan anak mereka bersekolah.

Kawasan perumahan itu kebanyakan penghuni berbangsa cina dan india, tuan rumah ku pun berbangsa cina. Walaupun begitu jiran aku tu boleh dikata peramah juga malah ahbee sering datang ke rumahku untuk belajar bersama ku. Walaupun telah berumur 30+ auntie memang cantik dan sexy. Ku lihat dia sering berpakaian yang mengghairahkan ku dengan skirt pendek yang ketat atau yang longgar sehingga boleh menampakkan seluar dalamnya dan berblaus yang longgar lehernya yang boleh menampakkan 1/2 dari teteknya.

Aku sering mencuri pandang semasa dia menyidai/mengambil pakaian diampai di rumah mereka. Bila ku lihat dia hendak menyidai/mengambil pakaian dijemuran, aku dengan sengaja pura pura menyidai/mengambil pakaian juga ataupun membasuh motosikalku. Semasa itu aku akan bersembang dengannya hal hal semasa. Bila petang autie akan duduk di kerusi batu di depan rumahnya dgn seluar pendek longgarnya ataupun skirt pendeknya masa itu aku akan keluar dan pura pura tunduk menyapu laman agar aku dapat mengintai cipapnya. Memanglah tak nampak cuma nampak seluar dalam aje tpi cukuplah buat modal melancap aku.

Suatu ari water tank dirumahku rosak (over flow) air melimpah keluar akibat flow kontrol yang telah rosak. Water tank tu terletak diatas syiling diatas bilik mandi ku. Aku pun memanjat atas siling bilik mandi untuk menggantikan dengan flow kontrol yang baru. Semasa aku berada di atas syiling selepas membaiki water tank tersebut aku terdengar bunyi orang mandi dirumah sebelah. Barulah aku tahu bahawa bilik mandi ku terletak bersebelahan dengan bilik mandi jiran ku. Terlintas fikiran ku untuk membuat lubang untuk membolehkan akau mengintai jiran sebelah. Aku pun membuat lubang dan dapat ku lihat ah bee sedang mandi – buang karen betul.

Esoknya aku mengambil cuti emergency semata2 nak mengintai sepanjang hari. Aku naik di atas siling dan menunggu mangsa. Ahling masuk untuk mandi, walaupun masih kecil tapi tetek yang baru nak tumbuh itupun menggairahkan ku. Aku menunggu auntie masuk bilik mandi……….yess auntie mandi dengan buih sabun tu dia mengusap ngusap teteknya dan cipapnya. Hulamak besar juga tetek dia ni tapi aku tak nampaklah cipap dia coz aku intai dari atas. Yang kelihatan cuma bulunya yang lebat tu. Adik ku terus mengeras minta dikemut cipap apakan daya cipap sape nak ku tikam ni, apa lagi melancaplah aku.

Pas ari tu dah jadi ketagih aku nak mengintai, asal ada masa dan kawan serumah tiada dirumah aku akan menjalankan aktiviti ku. 2 minggu selepas tu aku mc walaupun begitu tak bermakna aktiviti ku terhenti.lepas makan ubat sebaik sahaja balik dari klinik aktiviti bermula. Wah tayangan perdana auntie bagai kan …………….mengerang apabila dia main sabun dengan cipapnya.sebelah kakinya terangkat di singki dan ku lihat dia menjolok sabun ke dalam cipapnya. Aku apa lagi terpaksalah ku goncang adik ku yang satu ni tiba tiba prak kayu syiling patah kelam kabut aku turun dari siling.

Besok paginya aku masih lagi dalam mc aku menyidai baju ku di ampaian, auntie keluar dan menyidai baju. Dia menegorku aku hanya senyum sahaja, bukan tak de mood cuma aku takut dia tahu aku mengintainya semalam. Akhirnya aku terpaksa memberitahu bahawa aku mc selama 2 ari. Auntie bertanya siapa dirumah semalam terkedu aku nak menjawapnya. Dengan senyum yang di buat2 aku menjawap aku sorang pas tu dia tanya lagi siapa ada dirumah selain aku ari ni, aku kata tak de orang melainkan aku. Tiba2 dia kata sapa naik atas siling semalam aku terkejut beruk memberitahu aku yang naik untuk membaiki water tank padahal water tank tu dah ku baiki 2 minggu lepas. Dia memberitahu silingnya dah pecah sedikit terpaksalah aku kata aku akan baiki.

Dengan rasa serbasalah aku kata biar aku tengok siling rumah dia, dia pun menjemput aku masuk dan melihat siling yang pecah tu. Auntie bertanya samada aku ada girl fren atau tidak, aku hanya menggelengkan kepala. Dia tanya lagi samada aku ada video player atau tidak, aku menggangguk. Dia tanya lagi samada aku pernah tengok video lucah, aku dengan muka seposen senyum je tiba2 bagai nak pengsan aku bila auntie bertanya samada aku ada mengintai dia semalam, aku tak jawap. Pas tu dia minta aku bercakap benar kerana bukan dia nak marah cuma nak tau aje. Aku pun mengangguk then dia kata lain kali jangan mengintai, tak baik………….kalau mahu tanya saje. Aku bagai tak percaya dengan apa yang ku dengar lalu berkata betul ke?, dia hanya senyum sahaja.

Bila ku lihat dia hanya tersenyum, berahiku datang adik ku terus bangun. Aku perasan auntie memandang ke arah seluar ku yang menampakkan adikku dah melintang didalam seluar. Sememangnya aku jarang memakai seluar dalam melainkan sekiranya aku pergi keluar. Aku cuba mengalihkan pandangannya dengan bertanya samaada dia ada menyimpan tukul besi atau tidak untuk ku gunakan bagi membaiki siling rumahnya. Auntie menjawab tukulbesi tak ada kalau tukul mi, tu ada dalam seluar.

Aku bertambah berani lalu memegang teteknya, dia tidak mengelak sebaliknya menarik ku masuk kedalam biliknya. Selepas menutup pintu dia membuka bajunya dan menarik tangan ku dan diletakkan keatas teteknya. Tanpa membuang masa aku meramas teteknya itu, dia mengeluh dan membisik kan ketelinga ‘now u get it’. Sambil tangan nya mengelus kepala ku tangan yang sebelah lagi meraba kepala adikku. Aku dah tak tahan macam nak terpancut air ku, maklumlah ini kali yang pertama. Dia menolakku keatas katil dan membuka seluar ku tanpa membuka bajuku. Aku bagaikan dalam mimpi bila ku rasa adikku telah dijilat sesuatu yang suam dan mengasikkan. Dia telah menjilat adikku bagai anak kecil menjilat lolipop, teteknya yang lembut menekan lututku menyebabkan semangatku terbang entah kemana. Dia terus menyedut dan mengisap adikku membuat aku geli sedap yang teramat sangat. Ke2 biji telurku juga dijilatnya malah lubang buritku juga tidak ketinggalan dijilatnya. Aku dah tak tahan alamak terlepas air maniku didalam mulutnya. Auntie ku lihat agak kecewa dan berkata ‘apasal lu tak cakap mahu keluar’. Aku menjawap dengan perlahan ‘tak sempat manyak silap’ meniru telonya. Aku merasa serbasalah melihat raut mukanya itu lalu aku berkata ‘don’t worry be happy, i’ll serve u better than u’

Aku berehat sebentar sambil berbaring manakala dia terus menjilat saki baki air mani ku dikepala adikku. Bila dah rasa lega aku menolaknya terlentang di atas katil. Ku kuak kakinya mengangkang, pussynya berbulu lebat sampai lubangnya pun langsung tidak kelihatan. Sahnya tak pernah kena trim ni aku berkata didalam hati. Aku rapatkan hidungku ke pussynya, baunya agak hapak namun masih menyelerakan. Ku cium pussynya dan ku jilat sampai ke kakinya, auntie mula menggelisah. Aku tahu dia mula bernafsu semula. Seluruh badannya ku jilat tak de seincipun ketinggalan. Adikku cergas semula bila melihat pussy yang merah dengan kelentit yang panjang terjojol keluar dari celah lubang pussynya itu. Air mani entah air mazi meleleh dari dalam pantatnya, pemandangan yang sungguh indah. Jika dulu aku hanya melihat di kaca tv kini its live.

Aku dah tak tahan aku arahkan kepala adikku ke dalam pantatntya dan ku tekan perlahan. Ketat juga pantat auntie ni walhal dua budak dah keluar dari lubang ini. Aku tekan lagi masih tak boleh masuk, aku peduli apa aku tetap nak masukkan kepala butuhku kat dalam lubang pantatnya. Emmm auntie mengerang, kepala butohku dah berjaya masuk ke dalam pantatnya. Terasa suam kepala butuhku dikemut oleh pantat auntie. Sorong tarik sorong tarik aku masih boleh bertahan pasal baru sekejap tadi maniku dah keluar. Aku suruh auntie meniarap dan aku menonggangnya dari belakang, lebih mengasyikkan aku rasa. Kau tahu sajelah bila cina kena kongkek, bising betul. Aku takut juga kalau jiran yang lain dengar rengekkannya.

Auntie menyuruh aku terlentang dan dia menonggangku pula, aku ramas teteknya sekuat hatiku tapi dia tak kisah je. Tentu sedap sangat dia tu, aku relax je bila dia mengangkat dan menekan pantanya ke butuhku berulang kali. Macam nak terikut butuhku dikemut pantat auntie. Aku balikkan dia pula, aku nak taji lubang buritnya. Auntie menolak dia kata ‘apasal lu mau taruk sana taruk lah dalam sini’ dia menuding pantatnya. Aku pun tak mau lah nak kecoh, lalu ku tikam pantatnya berulang kali. Aku dah tak tahan, nak ku pancut kat dalam kang jadi budak lalu ku halakan butohku ke mukanya. 1 2 3 tembak……. Muka auntie basah dek air mani aku. Terus dia meratakan air mani ku dimukanya macam orang pakai masker.

Aku tahu dia dah puas, cepat2 aku mengenakan seluarku. Barulah aku tahu sebenarnya auntie dah lama tak dapat, pasal tu dia horny sangat. Untungnya aku dapat pantat, walaupun bini orang tapi masih ketat. Selepas kejadian tu aku sering mencari peluang untuk kerumahnnya. Tapi tak beranilah ikut pintu depan takut orang nampak, aku masuk kerumahnya ikut pintu belakang. Pantang ku lihat kereta uncle tiada tentu auntie akan memberi isyarat kepadaku.

[pmpmyread]

Okay. I can’t hold back anymore, I must share this FANTASTIC commission crafted by the amazing @aliasnnmknt!!

A couple of weeks ago, I reached out to Teri to see if she could help me bring an idea to life. This was the first time I’d ever commissioned an idea including an original character/MC, and watching Teri turn my scattered descriptions and references into the EXACT vision I had for this character was like witnessing magic. And we all know Teri’s depictions of Nanami are always A1 (and if you don’t know, you must check out her page, yesterday lol).

The level of detail she managed to incorporate in this is truly incredible, from the braids and the charms, to the sheet music, to the specific vinyl LPs! The mood captured here, in the facial expressions, in the posture and overall body language is immaculate and so true to what I wanted to convey.

I feel so blessed to have been able to collaborate with such a talented artist and to add such a wonderful illustration to this little idea that has been trotting in my mind for a while. I keep staring at it in awe and I am using it as fuel as I put the finishing touches to this story.

Working on this was such a delight, Teri is so kind, patient and incredibly quick! Thank you @aliasnnmknt, for taking my request and for crafting such a lovely piece! Anyone reading this, run, don’t walk to her blog — she delivers banger after banger after banger!

This concept is based on an upcoming Nanami x Reader fic of mine titled Syncopation. It’s a story that tackles themes that are so meaningful to me, such as combatting stifled creativity, finding purpose in life, and learning to accept love, and it’s all set against a backdrop of modal jazz music as a genre.

I’ll be posting it in the upcoming days, in the meantime, I’ve put a snippet below, if you’d like a sneak peek:

If you made it this far, thanks for reading and I hope that you'll enjoy the full story! Now go follow the wonderful @aliasnnmknt!

[literaryvein-reblogs]

hello, i was wondering if you could help me with describing hands? one of my characters is using sign language to communicate, and while the facial expressions are fine it's the hands i struggle with. thank you for your hard work!!

Describing Sign Language in Writing

Sign language - a nonverbal communication method that relies on physical movement instead of spoken words.

The figure shows the well-defined structure that distinguishes sign languages from simple gestural communication or mime, imbuing them with the complexity and depth characteristics of the spoken language.

Sign languages, distinct from the many communication methods employed by humans, exhibit expressions of complex linguistic systems rooted in visual-manual modality.

Rather than merely gestures, these languages are structured and intricate, evolving in response to cultural and societal influence.

At the core of sign language lies manual articulation complemented by non-manual elements (such as facial expressions and body posture).

This combination yields a rich communication tapestry in which each sign or gesture has a specific meaning organized by syntactic and morphological rules.

Visual-spatial language uses visible cues from the hands, eyes, facial expressions, and movements to convey meaning.

Although sign language is primarily used by individuals who are deaf or hard of hearing, it is also used by many hearing people.

Like spoken languages, sign languages have their own grammar and structural rules and have evolved.

However, there is no universal sign language, and different countries have unique versions of sign languages specific to their regions and cultures. Example: the ASL differs from Auslan in Australia and the BSL in the United Kingdom. A person fluent in ASL may need to understand a local version of sign language in Sydney, Australia, instead of different dialects or accents in spoken languages.

There are more than 300 different sign languages in the world, spoken by more than 72 million deaf or hard-of-hearing people worldwide.

Each individual gesture is called a sign. Each sign has 3 distinct parts:

the handshape,

the position of the hands, and

the movement of the hands.

PHONOLOGY. At the heart of all languages, spoken or signed, lies the study of phonology. This discipline investigates the systematic arrangement of sounds in spoken languages and the corresponding organization of meaningful units in sign languages. In the case of sign languages, these units are not acoustic but instead composed of distinct hand shapes, locations, movements, and facial expressions. These elements work harmoniously to serve as essential structures for the sign-language framework.

Handshape: This refers to the specific shape of the hands when producing a sign. Different hand shapes can change the meaning of a sign, as different vowels or consonants can change the meaning of a word in spoken language.

Orientation: This involves the direction the palms or fingers face during the sign. The orientation can be towards or away from the signer, up, down, or to the side, and like a hand shape, it can significantly alter the meaning of a sign.

Location: This refers to the location in the signing space where a sign is produced, such as in front of the face, on the body, or in the neutral space in front of the signer. Location helps differentiate signs that might otherwise be similar in hand shape, orientation, and movement.

Movement: Sign languages use various movements, including direction, path, and manner (smooth, fast, or slow). Movement is crucial for expressing different concepts and can change the tense or aspects of verbs, among other things.

Facial Expressions: In sign languages, facial expressions are not just emotional indicators but are integral to grammar and lexicon, conveying distinctions in meaning, mood, tense, and sentence type (e.g., declarative, interrogative).

Understanding the phonology of sign languages is similar to acquiring the alphabet of a spoken language. The distinct characteristics of these elemental units lay the foundation for forming more complex structures and meanings.

CLASSIFIERS (CL) in sign language are a group of hand shapes used to represent general categories of objects, people, places, or concepts, as well as their orientation, movement, and relationship to one another within the spatial context of the signer’s narrative.

These handshapes are not standalone signs but are employed within the structure of signed sentences to provide descriptive or locative information that complements the narrative.

Classifiers allow signers to convey complex visual-spatial information efficiently and vividly, making them essential to sign language’s grammatical structure and expressive power.

Object Classifiers: represent objects or people with various shapes and sizes. For example, a flat hand may represent a flat surface or vehicle, whereas an upright index finger can denote a person standing.

Locative Classifiers: describe the location of objects or the spatial relationships between them. They can indicate where something is situated or how items are arranged relative to each other.

Plural Classifiers: used to depict groups of objects or people and their distribution in space. These classifiers can show the arrangement of objects, such as items lined up in a row or randomly scattered.

Element Classifiers: convey information about natural elements or substances such as water, fire, smoke, and wind, illustrating the movement or texture of these elements.

Body Classifiers: represent parts of the body or whole-body actions. They can show how a body part moves or is positioned in space.

Movement Classifiers: illustrate how an object or person moves within a space, including the direction, manner, and speed of movement.

Instrument Classifiers: show how an object is manipulated or used, often indicating the type of grip or action performed with tools or utensils.

Size and Shape Specifiers: provide specific details about the size, shape, or orientation of objects, enhancing descriptive accuracy and visual clarity in narratives.

Examples

A Quiet Place. The depiction of sign language—specifically, ASL—was heavily researched. They cast a deaf actress to play Regan for the express reason that she could help tutor the cast so they feel fluent. Individual characters also have their own "accent": Lee signs in a stern manner, Evelyn is elegant, Marcus is laconic, and Regan is sassy.

In Dune, multiple characters use hand signals to give orders to their subordinates. In fact, there are entire sign languages developed separately by both the Atreides and the Harkonnens, as well as even more subtle ones developed by the Bene Gesserit, that allow them to communicate irrelevant information verbally and important stuff with their hands, making sure that even if they are overheard, the enemy won't learn anything.

Beauty and the Beast (1987 series) has a deaf character who had grown up in the tunnels in "An Impossible Silence" and "Sticks and Stones" who communicated through ASL. The second episode was groundbreaking in that there were several scenes where deaf characters communicated in on-screen silence, with no voiceover or even background music, something the deaf actors involved fought hard for, not wanting someone else's voice to overshadow their own "voices".

The Shape of Water: Elisa is mute, and thus uses real-life American Sign Language to communicate. She also teaches the fish person how to sign, since he can't physically talk either.

Koko the Gorilla: Sign language is a powerful way for people of all hearing abilities to communicate. It can even be used to communicate with gorillas. In the 1970s, language researcher Dr. Penny Patterson began working with Koko, a western lowland gorilla, teaching her sign language. Research has shown that gorillas (and other large apes) have language skills similar to those of small children, and throughout her life, Koko learned more than 1,000 different signs. Koko was able to have entire conversations in sign language, as well as play word games and make up her own signs.

Sources: 1 2 3 4 ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

Thank you for your kind words, really love doing these! Studying how other media accurately depict these hand movements could also be helpful. More examples and information in the sources linked above. Also have these previous posts:

Writing Notes: Deaf Characters & Sign(ed) Languages

Hearing Loss in Children

[aphrodicci]

𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔯𝔬𝔩𝔬𝔤𝔶 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔟𝔩𝔞𝔠𝔨 𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩 𝔦𝔫𝔣𝔩𝔲𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔢

happy black history month for my african americans! hope you have an amazing month filled with prosperity and success!

♇ before i get into this post, the celebrities/influencers that will be mentioned are not in order of who are the most influential! the people i picked out were specifically picked out by me so if there's someone i left out, it is most likely because i already used them for a similar previous research or i did not want to :)

♇ this isnt only a post about the influence black girls have, its also black women who are known for their beauty, you might not know them by name but if you research them on pinterest, you'll see all of them have been used in black girls mood boards.

+ this is also a fame indicator post.

THE DEGREES EXPLAINED HERE IS AIDED BY JANDUZ ALONG WITH MY OWN RESEARCH!

paid chart readings :)

the public figures i have used are rihanna, itslos/lorraine smith, kenza, vinetria, lauren london, jodie woods, maya jama, lori harvey, JT, aaliyah, jayda wayda and india love.

ASCENDANT

♇ the ascendant sign that appeared the most was the ascendant in aquarius, it is not a surprise that the sign of influence, trends and the internet appeared the most in the ascendant research. the person in the gif above is known as indialove, a known tumblr girl who set the wave for many more black it girls to take their own stage. perhaps there was someone before her but india is the most known.

though take this with a grain of salt, it is a little booster, the modality of the ascendants that appeared the most was the fixed ascendant.

and the element that appeared the most was air.

ASCENDANT ASPECTS ⬎ 

♇ moving on, the aspect the ascendant made the most was the ascendant aspecting neptune, neptune is one of the planets of glamour and projection, this could link to how people found these people to be inspirations and living their lives through them.

ASCENDANT DEGREES ⬎ 

♇ lastly, the degree that appeared the most for the ascendants was the 15°, a gemini degree, a degree that is known for being inventive, aiding someone to have a lot of inventive ideas. this degree can bring fame and wealth.

SUN

♇ the sun sign that appeared the most was the sun in capricorn, in greek mythology the Greek God that ruled over capricorn was Pan, [Saturn is ruled by Kronos/Cronous], one of the commodities Pan ruled over was being a shepherd, a shepherd rules the sheep [followers] and whatever the shepherd does, the sheep follow, which could be symbolise the trends and styles that are copied and admired.

the second sign that appeared the most was leo, and the second was sagittarius.

the sun element that occurred the most was fire and the modality was cardinal, take these with a grain a salt, they are little boosters.

SUN HOUSE ⬎

♇ there wasnt a specific house the sun appeared in the most, but if we used mode calculation, the house the sun appeared in the most was the 1H. but the sun appeared in cardinal houses a lot.

SUN ASPECTS ⬎

♇ moving on, what i had realised is that the planet that aspected the sun a lot was the sun aspecting mars, the sun ruling themes like persona, style and the mars rules someone taking the first step/doing something first.

sun aspecting mercury was the second aspect that appeared the most, mercury ruling over trends and the internet. [so does uranus].

SUN DEGREES ⬎

♇ although, the degree that repeated the most was the 2°, a taurus degree, also a degree that is known for its beauty.

the second degree that appeared the most was the 14°, another taurus/venusian degree. within the research i couldnt help but notice that fixed degrees appeared a lot.

MOON

♇ the moon sign that repeated the most was the moon being in taurus, taurus a sign of beauty and the moon being a planet of audience helps an individual become notifiable because of their appearance.

the second moon sign that appeared the most was leo and the third was pisces, think of it as a mini boost since they were not first.

the element that appeared the most within the moon signs was the element earth.

MOON HOUSE ⬎

♇ the house the moon appeared in the most was the Moon being in the TWELFTH HOUSE, the twelfth house is an underrated house of fame [will explain in another post], and is also ruled by neptune/pisces which are the commodities of glamour and camera.

MOON ASPECTS ⬎

♇ the planet that aspected the moon the most was neptune, [moon-neptune], moon the celestial planet that rules the face and neptune the planet of glamour and beauty.

the second aspect that appeared the most was the moon aspecting mars.

MOON DEGREES ⬎

♇ to finish with the moon content, the degree that the moon was in the most within my research was the moon in the 26°, a Taurus Degree that speaks about receiving flattery from other people. the 26° is also a Venus degree.

on the other hand, i noted that there was a lot of cardinal and fire degrees.

MERCURY

[mercury can rule trends and social media like uranus/aquarius, mercury is more quick and uranus has is more around longevity]

♇ the mercury sign that appeared the most within the research was capricorn in mercury, the same explanation that i had for the capricorn sun can be said here. especially since it is in mercury, the sign of flashy trendiness.

the second sign that appeared the most was mercury in scorpio.

though for modality, fixed mercury appeared the most and for the element, it was earth.

MERCURY HOUSE ⬎

♇ the house mercury appeared in the most was the 11H, its not a surprise uranus/saturnian energy is coming to play. the 11H as i have said before is centred around longevity in trends and just things being passed around on social media. the 11H will help the mercury planet bring bigger attention.

on the other hand, mutable houses appeared the most for mercury, and for the element it was air.

MERCURY ASPECTS ⬎

♇ for this part of the research, this planet really aspected mercury to the point that it actually really surprised me, and once again like it has to other planets i have written about, the planet that aspected mercury the most was neptune. mercury a social planet being paired with a beauty and glamour planet, as a summary, imagine how people quickly move onto the next beauty trend like, "mafia's/mob's wife", "office siren", etc. that is basically mercury-neptune, the mercury lacks the longevity of the "trend".

the second mercury aspect that had appeared was mercury aspecting saturn.

MERCURY DEGREES ⬎

to finish with this party of the research, the mercury degree wasnt really precise, but within all the degree research for the mercury planet, air degrees occurred the most, and fixed degrees.

VENUS

♇ moving onto venus, the sign that appeared the most for venus, was once again capricorn. same explanation that i used for sun can be used here.

the second sign that appeared the most was aries, not a surprise.

take it with a grain of salt, but the element that occurred the most was air venus.

VENUS HOUSES ⬎

♇ now the house venus appeared in was mainly mutable houses, venus will be able to adapt to whatever it is in, but since virgo is a mutable sign, venus might have to work harder since it is in its fall there.

VENUS ASPECTS ⬎

♇ the planet that aspected venus the most was mercury, a planet of trends and social media.

the second planet that appeared the most was venus aspecting saturn.

VENUS DEGREES ⬎

to finish with the venus section, the degree that appeared most for venus was the 23°, i dont know it if it s known fact, but the 23 degree is a beauty degree. it also talks about artistic gifts, so people with this degree in venus or in their big six are likely people who know how to dress.

MARS

♇ the sign that appeared in mars the most was sagittarius, i dont know if i said it on my blog or on a previous discord, but i remember mentioning the sagittarius in mars is a fame indicator overall, with the jupiterian influence in mars, the individual is more passionate and ambitious to complete their goals, they can be great at speaking things into reality along with their charisma and humour aiding them to be approved by the people around them.

the second sign that appeared the most was capricorn and the third was aquarius.

MARS HOUSE ⬎

♇ the house mars appeared in the most was frequent, but modality wise the house mars appeared in the most was fixed houses. [2H, 5H, 8H and 11H are fixed houses]. makes someone have a straight vision for what they want.

MARS ASPECTS ⬎

♇ the aspect mars made to a planet the most was venus, not a surprise since this aspect can make someone very interested in "sexiness", "beauty", "fashion", and having an appeal in general. people with this aspect tend to attract the opposite sex a lot, [attention wise].

the second aspect to appear the most was mars aspecting saturn.

MARS DEGREES ⬎

♇ the degree mars appeared in the most was the 27°, a Gemini Degree, the degree in gemini itself can speak of success, especially if they pursued anything artistic/creative.

the second degree to pop up the most was the 28°, a Cancer degree.

JUPITER

[you may wonder why i put jupiter here, but jupiter amplifies a sign, and it is also linked to how people worship/praise you, i have a post about it here].

♇ lastly for the planets, the jupiter sign that occurred the most was jupiter in capricorn, what i said for the sun in capricorn applies here as well. on the other hand, jupiter in capricorn strengthens someone longevity and authority over what they're good at. it gives honour and respect and sort of makes someone the face of a sub-genre they're in.

the second jupiter sign that appeared the most was libra and third was aquarius, take these with a grain of salt.

JUPITER HOUSES ⬎

♇ there wasnt a specific house jupiter was in the most, but i was able to identify that most houses were in water houses.

JUPITER ASPECTS ⬎

♇ the planet that aspected jupiter the most was jupiter aspecting saturn. same explanation i have for the jupiter in capricorn context above.

the second planet that aspected jupiter the most was the moon.

JUPITER DEGREES ⬎

♇ the degree that occurred in jupiter the most was cancer degrees. cancer which is governed by the moon rules over audiences, and jupiter with it adds more admiration and people having their eyes on you.

⟶ EXTRAS

PLANET DOMINANCE ⬎

♇ the top planet that appeared the most was saturn.

second was mars and third was uranus.

SIGN DOMINANCE ⬎

♇ the sign dominance that occurred the most within the research, was clearly capricorn!

second was aries and third was sagittarius.

ELEMENT DOMINANCE ⬎

♇ the element dominance that appeared the most within my research was earth.

in second place was fire.

MODALITY DOMINANCE ⬎

♇ the modality that repeated the most was cardinal.

second was fixed.

DEGREE[S] ⬎

♇ the degree that appeared the most was the 15°, a gemini degree that speaks of someone who is inventive and had many ideas. can bring fame and wealth.

second degree that appeared the most was the 7°, a libra degree, and the third degree that occurred the most was the 16°, a cancer degree.

thank you if you made it here! hope this post was resourceful :)

masterlist

[spanishskulduggery]

Pulling my frikkin hair out, I cannot wrap my head around the subjunctive

I mean this with the utmost sincerity, the subjunctive is something English-speakers have the hardest time understanding because English doesn't have a true subjunctive

Which is to say we don't have a separate conjugation for subjunctive, so our subjunctive looks like normal [indicative] grammar to us

The other main issue is that the subjunctive encompasses multiple things. I'm going to give a quick overview so that you understand it's okay to feel overwhelmed by it.

What also makes this worse is that there are times when indicative or subjunctive both make sense but it depends on how you mean it, and English sometimes translates them equally which is confusing

Please know that I will try to touch on everything, but not in a ton of depth - but if there's anything you want further clarification on please let me know

-

The subjunctive mood is not a grammatical "tense" that's easy to learn. It's a mood

In the same way that the indicative encompasses present tense, preterite, imperfect, future, and conditional... the subjunctive mood encompasses multiple things and each one is a learning curve

I'm saying that so you realize two things - first, that subjunctive is hard, and second, that it's not impossible to learn but it takes longer to learn

When I was in school they told us that a good part of Spanish 3 and 4 [which would be like B1/B2 level courses devoted to grammar specifically] would be trying to understand subjunctive

...

Again, a quick overview, there are three grammatical moods in Spanish

These are the imperative [commands], subjunctive, and indicative. When people try to explain the indicative they basically say everything that isn't subjunctive or a command

Moods are the umbrella terms, and each mood contains something similar to a grammatical "tense" with separate conjugations

"Moods" (el modo "mode" in Spanish) are the way Spanish is used. And "tenses" (el tiempo "time/weather" in Spanish) are best described like the ways/times Spanish is used

...

To put into really basic terms (not 100% accurate terms but as close as I can explain), the "moods" are the way Spanish is used, and the tenses are largely whether it's past, present, or future

-

As for what subjunctive mood is, it's going to depend on the ways you're seeing it

Subjunctive is primarily the mood used for: polite requests, doubt, hypotheticals and contrary to fact statements, hopes/wishes, uncertainty, and things that have the possibility to happen but might not actually happen

All of that sounds really complicated and confusing, but the more you get used to it, the more you can see subjunctive in English and you get closer to understanding it

-

When you're introduced to subjunctive in classrooms it's usually in the context of polite requests and a handful of subjunctive clauses

The polite requests (plus expressions of hope/desire or doubt) are the part of subjunctive that make the most sense

It's called "polite requests" since that's usually how it's used but it's specifically one person/thing acting on another, so it's not all requests exactly - but they follow the same pattern

These specific subjunctive expressions are two separate clauses [a subject and conjugated verb] that are separated with que

Quiero que pongas la mesa. = I want you to set the table. Dudo que llueva. = I doubt that it will rain. Espero que lleguen pronto. = I hope that they will arrive soon.

Each one is two separate clauses, with one acting on another subject

It's not possible for one subject to act on itself in subjunctive...... In other words, espero llegar pronto "I hope to arrive soon" or quiero poner la mesa "I want to set the table"

It's not possible to say "I want myself to do something" in a way that is subjunctive - it's always indicative, just one modal/helping verb + unconjugated

But likewise, with expressions that are weather or things that are 3rd person in nature, it's not possible for expressions of doubt/uncertainty regarding them NOT to be subjunctive:

Espero que no haga calor. = I hope it's not hot (out). Dudo que nieve. = I doubt that it will snow.

-

Once you move past the polite requests, desires, and doubts, you then learn more about uncertainty or when opinions or subjective thoughts can be subjunctive

This is harder to explain sometimes. People will understand more about doubt/probability - for example:

Es posible que no llegue a tiempo. = It's possible that it won't arrive on time. Puede que sea necesario. = It may be necessary.

Related to this you'll see something very important:

creer que + indicative no creer que + subjunctive

pensar que + indicative no pensar que + subjunctive

estar seguro/a de que + indicative no estar seguro/a de que + subjunctive

Expressions of opinion and belief in the affirmative are not subjunctive. But in the negative, they're subjunctive.

It's like the difference between "I think it can happen" then "I don't think it could happen" where the negative comes out more doubtful or unlikely

-

Next you'll have some subjunctive clauses, and these can be confusing but they're parts of speech that either always or usually imply subjunctive

Some of them can be indicative, but just keep an eye on subjunctive clauses - particularly be aware of if something has happened yet (indicative) or something may happen later (subjunctive)

para que = so that (something happens)

a menos que = unless (something happens)

con tal de que = as long as (something happens)

antes de que = before (something happens)

después de que = after (something happens)

hasta que = until (something happens)

You also see this a lot with expressions of subjective emotion and interest; me alegro de que, me alegra que, es necesario que, es interesante que, es aconsejable que...

Some verbs also tend to imply subjunctive:

querer que = to want (that)

desear que = to desire (that)

esperar que = to hope (that) esperar a que = to wait until (something happens) / "to await"

necesitar que = to need (that)

recomendar que = to recommend (that)

pedir que = to request (that)

sugerir que = to suggest (that)

aconsejar que = to advise (that)

rogar que = to beg (that)

exigir que = to demand (that)

obligar a que = to force (someone to do something)

insistir que = to insist (that)

dudar que = to doubt (that something will happen)

And plenty others, but usually you can sense that they're verbs of putting a request onto someone else and they almost always involve a que

The verbs by themselves aren't necessarily subjunctive, but the use of que does tend to imply an imposition of will/desire onto something else, or a feeling being placed onto something else

.......

It's also worth pointing out that many expressions can go either way

si "if" and cuando "when" can be indicative or subjunctive, but they read differently

si tienes tiempo = if you have time si tengas tiempo = if you happen to have time [sounds a little too polite, almost deferential] cuando tienes tiempo = when you have time cuando tengas tiempo = whenever you have time [sounds doubtful or hesitant]

Many expressions in English that have an -ever imply a certain amount of subjunctive of the unknown

a quien corresponda is "to whom it concerns" but it reads like "to whomever this should go to" - it's like saying "I don't know who this is supposed to go to, but to that person I have this to say..."

lo que sea = whatever [lit. "whatever it may be"]

como quieras = as you wish [lit. "however you want it"] Como gustéis = As You Like It [the Shakespeare play; lit. "however you are pleased"]

dondequiera = wherever [sometimes por dondequiera "all over the place", literally "around wherever", sometimes shortened as doquier]

adondequiera que vayas = wherever you go

cuando quieras = whenever you want

quienquiera = whoever / whosoever, whomever

Some expressions like this are understood as subjunctive because it's being done, but you don't know by who or when; that's the idea behind a quien corresponda

Sometimes it's an unknown subject or an unknown condition that lets in uncertainty

Quien lea esto... = Whoever reads this... El que esté sin pecado... = He who is without sin... [depending on the Bible version it might be el que de vosotros esté sin pecado "he/whoever that among (all of) you is without sin", some versions use ustedes instead of vosotros but either way it's subjunctive] No me importa lo que digan. = I don't care what they say. [lit. "whatever they happen to say, I do not care (about it)"]

...

There's also a very important word when it comes to subjunctive which is aunque and this will change meaning depending on if it's subjunctive or indicative

As indicative - aunque usually means "although" or "though"

Aunque es verdad que... = Although it is true that... Aunque están contentos... = Although they are happy Aunque dicen que... = Although they say that...

But as subjunctive, aunque gets used in contrary to fact statements or hypotheticals - "even though" or "even if"

Aunque sea verdad que... = Even if it's true that... Aunque estén contentos... = Even if they are happy... Aunque digan que... = Even if they say...

-

The final major aspect of subjunctive is the imperfect subjunctive which can be narrowed down to two major things

First is that it's past tense subjunctive; the same sorts of phrases you would see for subjunctive can be done in past tense:

Querían que me fuera. = They wanted me to leave. Esperaba que lloviera. = I expected/hoped that it would rain. No pensaba que fuera posible. = I didn't think it was/would be possible.

The other main aspect of imperfect subjunctive is that it can be used for contrary to fact statements and hypothetical futures

This is probably the closest you get to being able to notice the subjunctive in English:

Si fuera rico/a... = If I were rich...

English has two versions of this. We can say "if I was rich" and also "if I were rich"; the "was" is typically past tense, but "were" is directly from German's imperfect subjunctive carried over into English

Most often these expressions come up as "if/then" statements with imperfect subjunctive as the "if", and conditional tense [which is indicative] as the "then"

Si pudiera (hacerlo), ayudaría. = If I could, I would help. [lit. "if I were able (to do it), I would help. Ayudaría, si pudiera. = I would help, if I could.

As you can see, "if/then" statements can be phrased either way - the "if" describes a hypothetical reality that isn't necessarily true. The "then" says what would happen in that case

In other words "if I were able to" or "if I could" implies that I may or may not be able to; that's what's meant by contrary to fact or hypothetical

And the imperfect subjunctive can be used without conditional in some cases:

Aunque fuera verdad... = Even if that were true... Antes de que pudieran testificar... = Before they could testify... Lo escribiste en la pizarra para que todos pudiéramos ver la respuesta. = You wrote it on the blackboard so that all of us could see the answer. [or, "so that all of us would be able to see the answer" - would and could are really murky in this tense for English]

You'll also see como si fuera or como si estuviera as "as if it were"; these are ser/estar differences but just be aware:

como si fuera la última vez = as if it were the last time Los dos se quedaron en silencio como si fueran de piedra. = The two stayed silent as if they were made of stone. como si estuviera contento/a = as if he/she were happy Seguían hablando como si todavía estuviera aquí. = They kept talking as if he/she were still here.

Especially in literature you're going to see a lot of similes and analogies using como si + imperfect subjunctive for descriptions of things - things that aren't necessarily true scenarios but "as if it were"

-

*Please Note: if you look up the imperfect subjunctive you will see two separate conjugations

Latin America tends to use -iera/-ara forms for all of imperfect subjunctive

Spain tends to use -iera/-ara for a more past tense imperfect subjunctive, while the hypotheticals are usually done for Spain with the -iese/-ase forms

In other words:

Si fuera el jefe... = If I were the boss... Si fuese el jefe... = If I were the boss...

Both are accepted; just that if I see si fuese I would think Spain

Typically Spain makes more of a distinction, and Latin America uses just one form at least in my experience

The distinction is something like "if I studied abroad", one is more past tense "this would have happened if I studied abroad", and the other is more hypothetical "what if I studied abroad?" - not a perfect analogy but you can sort of see the breakdown the same way English uses "was/were" can create confusion

-

Please also note that even Spanish-speakers are not all in agreement on imperfect subjunctive. There are people who use only conditional, or use only the imperfect subjunctive and ignore the conditional tense... It's a bit of a mess, but standard Spanish recognizes both the imperfect subjunctive and the conditional

The English uses a lot of the same tense conjugations for all of this so it's just as confusing there too sometimes and often requires you to understand the vibe of what's being said, and if you mean it in a past sort of way [i.e. "could have" as in "I did have the ability to", which is podía imperfect], a conditional sort of way [i.e. "could have" as in "I could have done that (if I had the chance)" which is podría conditional], or a hypothetical sort of way [i.e. "could have" as in "if only I could have done that" which is pudiera or pudiese imperfect subjunctive]

-

There's more history involved in the imperfect subjunctive that could really bog this explanation down though

And finally, it's obsolete now but there used to be a future subjunctive which is now used in imperfect subjunctive

These endings were like -iere/-are, and you're not going to see them today unless you read old things or some legalese; like si fuere menester in older stuff comes out like "in the event of" but more literally "should it happen to be necessary"

This particular future subjunctive is very similar to English saying "should" in older dramas like "if I should choose to go" si fuere which is ir... or "if I should happen upon" which is more like si me encontrare

Again this is just so in case you see it in a conjugation chart because it will be there and it's confusing if you don't know

So if you see -iere/-are forms, that's what that means and don't worry about it but just know what it is

...

One final tip:

Conjugating the present subjunctive is using the present tense (indicative) yo conjugation, and then switching the typical ending [with the exception of irregular verbs like ser, ir, dar, haber and a handful of others]

So in general your conjugation will depend on what the present tense yo looks like and thus it's really important to know your irregulars and stem-changing verbs:

hablo -> hable, hables, hable, hablen, hablemos, habléis vivo -> viva, vivas, viva, vivan, vivamos, viváis como -> coma, comas, coma, comamos, comáis digo -> diga, digas, diga, digan, digamos, digáis tengo -> tenga, tengas, tenga, tengan, tengamos, tengáis pido -> pida, pidas, pida, pidan, pidamos, pidáis duermo -> duerma, duermas, duerma, duerman, durmamos, durmáis pienso -> piense, pienses, piense, piensen, pensemos, penséis

And all weird ones like conozco -> conozca, finjo -> finja, venzo -> venza, and so on.

Imperfect subjunctive conjugates according to 3rd person (plural) preterite

You'll get tuvieron -> tuviera, dijeron -> dijera, durmieron -> durmiera, etc. And the weird ones here like leyeron -> leyera, condujeron -> condujera

If you're not there yet don't worry about it but that's the pattern you're following; also note that ser and ir have the same conjugation in preterite so it's both fuera

As always if you have any specific questions let me know. It's a LOT of stuff, and some of it makes a bit of sense, a lot of it takes getting used to

[myillicitaffair]

One of your girls part two | Carlos Sainz Jr

Summary: after a fateful outcome, Carlos wants to fix what he unintentionally broke.

Warnings: english not being my mother tongue, angst, alcohol consumption, dirty dancing, small description of throwing up, cheating, mentions of sex, messed up dynamics, slight swearing.

Notes: second part of this fic. i also wanted to say i’m currently taking request, to anyone who might be interested xx.

Credits: the gif used belongs to @neymarhamilton ‘s tumblr account, so all credits belong to them. this part, just like the one before, is inspired by the song “one of your girls” by Troye Sivan.

1.8k

SIX MONTHS AGO:

A chilly night welcomes my friend group as we make our way through a prestigious and crowded restaurant situated in the heart of Madrid.

Being born and raised in Spain´s capital city, the girls now walking into the facilities have been by my side my whole life; faith brought us together our first day of school, just three frightened little kids trying to survive elementary.

I like to believe that we complement each other, even if we hadn´t met all those years ago, life would have found a way to connect us.

A girl’s night out is a rare occurrence between us; always being on the shy side, we very much prefer staying in, drowning ourselves in sweet treats while marathoning our comfort romcoms.

The reason why we´re summoned tonight is quite simple… my very first broken heart.

You see, in an attempt to lighten the mood, my friends brought us to an extremely exclusive eatery, one where we clearly didn´t fit in. The difference was quite notorious, surrounded by leggy models and their handsome companions, I quite frankly begin to wonder why I ever agreed.

With a deep breath, I straighten my back and let the hostess remove my coat. “In for a penny, in for a pound” I think with a resigned shrug of the shoulders.

As we´re carried to our spot, I try and take the essence of the place in. I start noticing its eccentric décor, dim lights brightening the burgundy walls, leather booths scattered all over the classy tile floor.

What makes an ordinary dinner such a big success? Its bizarre modality.

Our table is filled with strangers, completely engulfed in their different conversations. The main reason for my friends to take us to this unconventional location was exactly this; the inexorable need to engage in conversations with foreign people.

The first round of dirty martinis arrives as the last costumers take their places next to me, with a lousy cheer I pour the drink down my throat, feeling its pleasant burning down my body, warming me up, making me forget.

“Easy there tiger”- the man sited by my side chuckles, gesturing towards my empty glass.

I take a moment to wander across his features. Thick eyebrows, big brown eyes, plump lips. Definitely attractive, exactly what I need.

A smile creeps up my face, the wires in my brain getting to work.

I notice an elegantly worn designer shirt hugging his chest, his forearms resting against the wooden surface, his attentive stare trying to read my thoughts.

“And you are?”- I condescendingly tease him.

“Carlos”- his hand travels to mine, embracing me with his warm- “Carlos Sainz.”

The subtle body hair covering his fist tickling my naked skin, igniting a fire deep inside me.

And in that moment, I simply knew there was no getting out, not anybody else as long as he kept staring at me like this, eating me raw with his gaze.

That was the first night I ever came back home with him.

————

FOUR MONTHS AGO:

Carlos is away for the weekend, oceans separating us, palpable distance every time he races through my mind.

I try convincing myself It’s the sex I miss, the obvious physical attraction, the invisible force that pulls us towards the other, the feeling of his warm skin being impossibly closer to mine.

Truth being told, I’m sitting immovable on my bed, nervously waiting for a call.

I can’t help but recall his soft locks intertwined with my fingers, his tongue inching towards my neck, how he never fails to make my blood boil with a simple grin.

My phone brings me out of my daydreams, screaming for attention as a call enters it. His name glistening on the screen, filling me with pure bliss and forcing me to hold my giggles.

Acting like a schoolgirl with a crush while being a full-grown adult… how pathetic!

Two rings go by before i pick up, bitting my bottom lip to keep my voice calm as if I wasn’t desperately clinging to it seconds ago.

“Gorgeous, you got a minute to spare?”- he asks, clear amusement in his tone, abusing the charm he knows he has.

“That depends, Carlos, who’s asking?”

I’m gobsmacked at how composed I sound, nowhere near how I actually feel.

My knuckles turn white from grasping my sheets.

“Don’t be like that, princess, I know you miss me”- his smile visible through his speech.

My heart skips a beat, can his words be revealing my true feelings?

“Oh honey, keep lying to yourself if it helps you sleep at night…”

I’m met with his scandalous laugh filling the line, raising my pulse until it’s beating on my ears.

Everything stops, everything keeps going.

I close my eyes in acknowledgement, being forced to admit what i’ve been denying ever since I met him.

Oh, how screwed I am!

———

TWO MONTHS AGO:

The music rumbles at the disco, throbbing on my skin with its intensity.

Being dragged to a hip party, my friends and I are bundled up in the comfort of our own group, dancing between ourselves.

As I rock my body to meet the pulsating rhythm, I embrace Carlos’s presence behind me, tightly grabbing my waggling hips.

He presses himself into me and I rub against his growing erection, purposely torturing him. His kisses start straying while sucking visible red marks into my neck.

His penetrating cologne invades my nostrils, clinging into my bare skin like a golden tattoo.

The mix of the alcohol I insisted on chugging and his hands shaping my whole body becoming intoxicating.

A foreign touch on my shoulder makes me open my eyes, leaving me to face my friend staring at me like i’ve grown a second head.

“You’re coming with me”- she pronounces as she drags me away from Carlos, who snorts in disbelief.

“What? Why?”- I ask as i’m forced to take a seat at the bar.

“Have you gone mad? You two were literally dry humping each other in the middle of the crowd!”- She hisses worriedly, forcing me to drink the water bottle she bought for me.

As she sits next to me, I prepare myself for the lecture she’s about to impart me, letting my eyes wonder across the dance floor.

I catch a glimpse of Carlos standing against a wall, hemmed by complete darkness, sometimes interrupted by one of the dj's lights.

When the spotlight lands on him, I start noticing the delicate hands hugging his broad shoulders, the almost nonexistent distance between him and the blonde caressing his cheeks.

Bile climbs up my throat, threatening to be ejected thanks to the scene before me.

Her lips all over his neck, staining the collar of his white shirt with lipstick.

Realizing i’m not paying an iota of attention to her, my friends follows my gaze stumbling across the sequence.

Effortlessly, she yanks me away from the enclosed space and into the garden.

Without being able to stop myself, I empty the contents of my stomach into the ground, constantly replaying the flashbacks of their sensual dance.

“Everything’s okay now, love”- My friend states while caressing my tangled up hair. Her fingertips come into contact with my cheeks, brushing my tears away.

Sobs are quick to scape my lungs, becoming more and more erratic as I imagine the second by second unfolding inside the disco.

———

PRESENT:

After running away from Carlos’s house, in the middle of a Madrilenian night, I’m fast to hide into the loneliness of my apartment.

I can’t even find comfort in blaming him as I was the one to agree with our “no exclusivity policy”, believing I could make it work.

How stupid of me to think I would be capable of not being trapped into his nets.

Clearly the only solution I can possibly come up with is crying it out, and that’s how I found myself in this situation; puffy eyes, completely ruined mascara, quivering eyes from shedding way too many tears.

Could I have been more stupid? I can’t even resonate one good reason why I would ever accept what he’s willing to offer me while wanting him in his entirety.

My determination is easily devastated as desperate fists bang against my door.

“Please, open up”- A too familiar voice implores from outside the apartment.

“I don’t ever wanna see you again”- I manage to scream through whimpers.

“I beg of you, please let me in! I swear I can explain.”

Standing right on the other side of the door, I feel my hand toying with the doorknob, trying to determinate whether or not to listen to his pleas.

“There’s nothing to explain, Carlos!”- I say, above a whisper, my voice to fragile for anything else.

“There’s been a while since i’ve been with anyone else, alright? Not since all I could think about was you!”

An unbreakable silence fills the hallways of the building, only the sound of his pantings and heavy breathing interrupting the stillness.

Without much hesitation, I open the hinges separating us.

Clearly, I was nowhere near prepared for the view before me; his full brown eyes now shimmering with unshed orbs, accumulated in his tear ducts.

“How about the girl from the voicemail?”- I ask, almost scared to find out this is all a product of my imagination.

“I know what that seemed like, but I promise you it’s not what you think!”- he says, piercing me with his gaze- “That was my ex girlfriend. She has a hard time letting go of me, even though there’s been more than a year since we’ve last been together. I never answer her calls and that’s why she’s getting more and more desesperate.”

Everything around me stops just to listen to his next words, my heart betting so out of control he might even hear it.

“Back at my apartment you told me you were enamored by me, well, there’s no use in trying to deny i’m in love with you”- he whispers, just loud enough for me to hear- “so much it’s physically painful, it’s all I can think about.”

My brain turned into mush as his confession sinks in. I almost want to laugh at how ridiculous the idea seems to me; the man I love, probably the only one i’ll ever love, stating that my feelings are reciprocate.

A sigh leaves my parted lips as a quiet tear runs down my face.

“I know i’ve made my mistakes and believe me when I say i’ll regret them every minute i’m on this earth, but I promise you, that if you give me the chance, i’ll make it up to you until my dying breath”- his voice sounds shaky, as if he couldn’t believe the words coming out of him.

I don’t think I ever reacted as fast as now, jumping into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his torso. Little giggles leave both of our mouths at the ridiculous situation.

“I love you”- He murmurs, muffled by the kisses he’s pressing against my checks.

“I love you too”- I answer back, with our bodies still entwined.

[adragonsfriend]

Reading Random Language Grammar Books…

…in an effort to both diversify my knowledge of language and be a less boring conlanger. The languages chosen have no particular significance, and I'm making notes here as a way to hopefully remember a few features of each. I make absolutely no guarantees that my notes are accurate: these books often contain jargon I am not super familiar with and I continue not to be remotely qualified on the topic of linguistics. Corrections and complications are welcome. I am going to try and remember to include my sources. Anyway…

Uzbek

One sentence construction seems to be subject-object-verb ("U shifokor bo'ladi. - He will be a doctor."), but there also seems to be an alternate way to indicate subject, with a suffix at the end of the verb or object ("Yo'q, o'qimayapman - No, I am not reading it"). These also may both be present ("Men talabaman. - I am a student"). -man may just be a conjugation, and the subject can be dropped, but I also see it as the end of what look like nouns so I think it's more flexible than a conjugation.

"Uzbek is an agglutinative language. In this language words contain morphemes, or suffixes, that are always clearly differentiable from one another. In forming words or sentences, the morphemes are attached to the word stem one after another in a specific order. This process creates words that can be very long and can sometimes correspond to a whole sentence in English" (Nigora Azimova, p. xix). Example: "O'zbekistondanmísízlar - Are y'all from Uzbekistan?" (dan-from, mí-question, síz-you, lar-plural)

^^^ Thinking back, it seems like the creators of the Sith Language, ur-Kittât, were going for a similar way of word/sentence construction.

bor/yo'q ('to have'/'not to have') seem to be used similarly to 是/不是 are in mandarin where they are both verbs and as confirmation/negation. They seem to be multipurpose as verbs in general--bo'l seems to be an element of multiple different tenses/aspects/moods, kind of like "have" in english or "avoir" in French.

Momentary present is "is not used frequently in modern literary Uzbek, and is very rarely used in spoken Uzbek. This form occurs sometimes in the written language and in Ferghana dialects." I'm guessing this means it is more often found in older literary Uzbek? Storytelling tense that has gone out of fashion?

Actually this book makes a bunch of notes about tenses that are mostly written or mostly spoken. And there's a distinction between whether an event is witnessed by the speaker that seems like it has overlap with when you might use passive/active voice and or switch to vague pronouns in English. ("Yangi binolar qurilmoqda. - New buildings are being constructed" or They are constructing new buildings. versus "Men bir soat oldin tushlik qildim. - I had lunch one hour ago.").

mí is a suffix indicating a sentence is a question, but for more complicated questions there must be some other indicators, since mí is not present in " Qanday qilib yozuvchi bo'lgansiz? - How did you become a writer?" My guess is that gan = how-question, since it's in the same placement as i've seen mí. Correction from @tomirida: gan indicates the past tense, and qanday is the how.

Sources:

The Uzbek Tense/aspect/modality system,

UZBEK AN ELEMENTARY TEXTBOOK - introduction only

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

(from naomi klein’s doppelganger - fwiw i think out of context this makes her look softer on zionism than in my reading she is based on both this book & her discussion of israel in the shock doctrine, i’m posting it for reasons unrelated to the actual content here lol) hm i did raise a bit of an eyebrow at this bc “they were both refugees and settler colonists” is certainly not, like, completely antithetical to the history of the US colonial project, whether you are talking about some of the religious minorities who claimed land for the earliest colonies or e.g. the post-famine irish… it jumped out at me because i once really killed the mood at a professional development day for this social studies teaching modality that was based in a lot of narrativization and roleplay. the teachers leading the training (who iirc had come up with the concept) led us through a sample set of activities based on their new amsterdam unit, which involved students taking on the roles of walloons debating whether to go to new amsterdam, and during the debrief i was like “well i was pretty uncomfortable that we were supposed to be playing at whether to go do colonialism,” and the teachers were, like, shocked, because they had only ever considered these people as oppressed refugees, and never as participants in an ultimately genocidal project of settler colonialism - a response that more or less strengthened my belief that teaching history through roleplay is Bad lol bc it kind of highlighted how shallow your own historical analysis has to be to think it’s a good idea

[stuft]

Mein Gott

That was the right decision, I needed that 90-min massage so badly. I usually am fine with one hour but I needed work on my feet and calves as well as my shoulders and back and although I had to pee starting about 30-45 minutes in, it was so good and relaxing. I like Thai massage bc they stretch your limbs. I think a lot of them will do a hybrid of Swedish type massage along with Thai where they stretch your limbs and get on your back. As much as I enjoy the Swedish style, I get much more benefit out of Thai or Shiatsu, these types of modalities or what you call it. I walked out of there feeling lighter, like they'd switched out my broken down sneakers for new ones, and much more relaxed.

(and I actually used my German with her which she appreciated, I guess for me it's also comforting knowing her German isn't native, and she did speak some English too but I think I used almost all German woo hoo)

Here's another thing. I know my diet is very much connected to my moods/health/mental well-being. Even though the wheat over here doesn't bother me as much, I've been partaking too much, consuming more sugar, and overall eating crappily, which, like hey, it's not easy staying in good eating habits on vacation especially in a place like Germany. But I have been kind of a nervous wreck for (at least) a couple days. Part of it is just like, I'm getting ready to go home so there is the packing and getting to Zürich part (not wanting to go back to the shit show but tired of living out of a suitcase), and today it was making sure I got to my appointment on time and finding the place (which I knew was in an area I'd been to a bunch, but was concerned it was in like an upstairs floor that I needed to get buzzed into or something) but none of that should have me so nervous, and my stomach has been kind of in shreds and that is a vicious cycle bc it was not feeling well and then the nerves made it worse and I was hoping *ahem* I did not need to run to the toilet in the middle of the massage (beyond needing to pee) but like...it's also this uncertainty in my life, the state of the world, all this stuff but I know from over the years that I am a much calmer more confident person when I can keep to my diet. This last week I have just felt like Anxiety Rioty. not cool.

Anyway now I have to paaaaaack wahhhh

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Kind of Blue is arguably Miles’ greatest hit, the one album with which he is most associated. It is still one of the most popular jazz albums of all time, outselling most contemporary recordings and prized as a harbinger of modal jazz and revered as a paradigm of improvisation over reduced harmony—creating a perfect balance of sound and space. Outside the jazz realm, it is consistently chosen by music historians and critics as one of the best albums of all time, alongside evergreen classics by The Beatles, Elvis Presley, and others. 

Inspired by many ideas—mood-painting, modal structures—behind the soundtrack to Elevator to the Gallows, Kind of Blue can be seen as Miles’ signature work not only in its enduring popularity, but its attitude as well; in many ways the album’s cool and aloof effect, with its minimal, almost dismissive musical gestures, serves as a sonic reflection of Miles legendary aloofness. The title of its famous opening track—“So What”—is a perfect reflection of Miles’ insouciant, sunglasses-at-midnight way of being.

Numerous other elements specific to Kind of Blue push it to the top of the “Best Of” lists: the all-star sextet Miles had assembled to accompany him, including three players (John Coltrane, Bill Evans, Cannonball Adderley) who would themselves prove to be jazz legends, and a rhythm section (Wynton Kelly, Paul Chambers, Jimmy Cobb) that outswung any other in its day. There was the shared feeling of fresh discovery in the studio on those two days in 1959, as almost all the tracks were the first complete takes—no edits, no second tries. There was Bill Evans’ evocative essay on the album’s back cover highlighting that idea of “first-mind, best-mind”, comparing their music to the spontaneous, unerasable ink-on-rice-paper work of a Japanese calligrapher.

Miles Davis

[sandsorghum]

Nic, I come to ask…

What are your head canons regarding Higuruma’s music taste? 👀

omg chibi hiromi destressing with his lil juice box, how can any creature be so cute and sad at once - ahem

I think music is a conduit for Higuruma that lets him feel rather than directly express many emotions (as it is for so many) - in his specific case it's not because he's unable to articulate them per se, but his relationship to music is that it creates/curates a space where he allows himself to experience the depth and magnitude of feelings he normally doesn't. He doesn't get into impassioned monologues about his favourite artists but can easily (if you'll let him) talk at length about band lore and the evolution of their sound, his preferences for certain eras, the story behind the album art etc, peak geekery that way. The sort of thing that's borderline annoying if it weren't also so endearing and unexpectedly charming.

Higuruma was born in the early 80s (?) so a kid that grew up when cassette tapes were phasing out into walkmans; still very much an analog period, listening to the radio or hanging out at record stores would've been the way he'd discover new music. There's particular prerequisites to that process; one's actual physical presence and committed attention to (hopefully) well organised catalogues in the shops, so just because of that, as a teen he'd have been hemmed in to listening to the genres he already gravitated to. It would diversify quite a bit once streaming became more mainstream with the internet in the early 2000s, when he would have been in his mid20s.

Genre-wise Higu's heavy rotations would be

In his early to late teens: Grunge, alt+prog rock, punk, smattering of garage rock

Early to mid 20s: post-punk, jap hiphop, jazz rap, bit of electronica

Late 20s to 30s: indie rock, modal jazz, RNB, eclectic oldies

I've assembled some playlists but I don't necessarily think of all the artists or music here as his mainstays but more the type of sound and lyrics he'd like, based on his age and mood (some of them wouldn't fit chronologically anyway hahah). I assume he'd have mainly listened to the japanese equivalents of the more internationally recognisable bands in these compilations. Higu would also have had western influences but mostly during his college years!

Anyway here's what he listens to when

He wants to regress to his youth

He's having struggles/nostalgia for his ideals

He's commuting after a long day

He's making dinner for/with a lover

Thanks for the fun ask @tsukimefuku! (I'm sorry it became so longwinded but Im insane about this man)

[elrohirtheneurodivergent]

I'm currently thinking about what verbal moods I should include in my conlang

I definitely think that I want evidentiality, probably conditional, habitual and probably all the ones that are in English and German (If I come across any more interesting modalities (as I did in Hindi's habitual „होता" I'll probably also include those as well) (I think I'm gonna make it an agglutinative language so, any modalities will become pre/suffixes)

[leohtttbriar]

list of things i’ve made up about vulcan while writing a lesbian philosophical-dialogue t’pring/uhura fic, some of which has made it into the fic and some of which has not:

they have 83 subjunctive or subjunctive-adjacent moods in their language. this is down to speakers being highly aware of their own limits one hundo percent of the time. it’s considered rude or bold to use the indicative for most utterances. they added most of these subjunctive varieties a few hundred years after their little logical reformation, as the doctrine of vulcan logic really became defined. this language revolution of sorts got rid of all of their modal words.

they have a special language they use to speak to each other in their minds, which is wholly tonal in sound and not entirely translatable to material language

they have underground oceans and grasslands

they make their lyres from the tightest of woven grass found in said underground grasslands

there were several ages of post-surakian thought and cultural movement as vulcans adjusted to principles of logic--the first of these ages being called 'transition,' which, in uhura's opinion, produced the best poetry and, in spock’s opinion, produced the worst

their language has no significance assigned to stress/emphasis; or rather, their language is all exactly one stress, a philosophical expression of all things being equal as well as a result of nervous system that has to be extremely and consciously ordered

unlike in every human culture ever, they have no associated dance school with any martial art.

due to both of the above, vulcans suck at rhythm.

they are sexless, though they are not genderless. lifetime sex characteristics in their body died out a long time ago but the gender expressions remained. people are people.

there’s no distinction on vulcan between a “hard” or “soft” science. however musical study is considered the most elite subject (due to some metaphysical biases from their history)

they’re fully aware of a distinction between types of logics which is why when they are referring to their prophet/sage’s logic, they use a special case which denotes a higher plane of abstraction

the fact of their “feeling deeper than other species” comes from their heightened control over their nervous system—which was a fact of their biology before their logical reformation

touch telepathy is due to nerve endings being so concentrated near the skin and the fact that the vulcan nervous system doesn’t operate using neurotransmitters, but energy fields generated from completing a circuitry, so to speak.

mental bonds are quantum entanglement.

[playlamb]

u can’t talk to a therapist about the way you’re afraid of the way being yourself more fully always leads to you behaving like a psychopath because they don’t understand how that works. they can’t understand a modality that isn’t possible for them. you can’t tell them the way there are archetypes you can choose to be because if they are kinda smart they will say that seems ableist but even then they will still not fathom the ability to embody whatever personality you want and have it be completely genuine through an ‘inability to be genuine’. You can’t tell therapist, hey, I want to choose a good archetype, I want to choose archetype of thing like me that I have actually already embodied and came to me naturally, I just don’t want it to end in self repression, I don’t want to repress the aspects of me that make life feel unsustainable ,,, . I’m scared all I am is a monster doomed to a life of unfulfillment, I thought I could choose to be different but what if its impossible, what if my more severe nature is inevitable, every time I drop my masks that is what comes out, I’m afraid it’s all I am and I won’t have a choice but to live as that. Please help me.

u can’t say that because they don’t understand.

And when you see them a week later and say well yeah I don’t really care..embracing every aspect of myself feels amazing and is exactly what I need to do for myself anyways, I’m not scared of my nature and never was. When I’m scared I’m never actually scared, I can hold polarizing perspectives and simultaneously believe—

they will ignore u and be like ohh. bipolar mood swing dissociative identity? amd definitely not autism <3. And you have to just groan and leave and find a different therapist.

and u didn’t even get to tell them that you think everything is fine becaus u think u will naturally fall into the archetype/ that you are aiming towards.

[inventors-fair]

Secondary Effect: Modal Flavor Runners-Up ~

Our runners-up for last week are @bergdg, @feyd-rautha-apologist, and @piccadilly-blue!

@bergdg — Clearance Sale

I would never have thought about this kind of flavor, but having both of these options on this kind of card is oddly wholesome? Or should I say, wholesale! Ha. ... But I really like this card, actually. Having these go-wide effects are oddly decent in Limited in the right environment, and having the impulse effect on top of them makes this a great uncommon indeed. I think that it's probably okay at uncommon to make it attacking creatures, and I think the question of what kind of push you can do to make the pump slightly more powerful is...negligible. Which is good! I think that Trumpet Blast vs. Burn Bright effects is super niche, so that's the nitpicky portion of me wanting to make an excellent card perfect.

And the second effect mirrors the flavor pretty excellently as well! I think you can simplify the wording, but I think that it brings up the question of what exactly you want this effect to do. I'm not sure right now if you want nonland cards to cost {1} less, OR if they only cost less if both cards exiled this way were nonland cards. If it's the former, you can say "Spells you cast this way cost {1} less to cast." after the second sentence. If it's the latter, you can say "Those spells cost {1} less to cast if two or more nonland cards were exiled this way." I...think? Maybe the "if" should come first, like Bonehoard Dracosaur. That said, I'd also get rid of the second line of FT, and then...yeah! Pretty darn perfect for the sides of the sale that you described: mad rushes and hot deals. Great work.

@feyd-rautha-apologist — The First Empire

I honestly didn't think that something like this could work. Looking at this, the more that I read, the more I'm enjoying it, and the more that I can't help but feel that this would be too much for a premier product but would be excellent for a supplemental product. Possibly, anyway. The mechanics of myth and truth are interesting here. If I follow the myth, then if someone takes the monarchy it's kinda representative of the kingdom being lost forever. If I follow the truth, the empire doesn't have the same permanence as the myth, but the temporary gains may still be impactful. Isn't that just plain cool?

It's still a lot of text, honestly, and I don't know if there would be a cycle of these things, but I imagine there could be a deciding factor between myth and truth that makes a world of these cards quite flavorful and interesting at the same time. What do choices matter when everything is destroyed to dust in the end? Choices matter because one has an effect that lasts forever and one does not. Like, the enduring myth is a fantastic way of going about these two options, and I love that. Monarch and its related abilities, having been a frustration in constructed sixty-card formats before, is probably not coming to standard anytime soon. I want to still highlight this card as an excellent design exercise and a neat boardwipe to boot.

@piccadilly-blue — Time Gentlemen, Please!

You know, as a translation of real-world action and gameplay mood, this one is a lighthearted play that I feel works oddly well. (For those unaware, the name is essentially "Last call" for bartending purposes.) Either everyone vacates, or everyone goes for another round. That's really the gist of it! Mechanically, this card's quite the upper end of control pieces. If this was printed in a premier set, hell, I'd even start investing in control again. Extra turns allow for big finishers like Teferi to lock the game down, but on the aggro receiving end you get to wipe everything away. Boom goes the readiness for Sphinx's Rev (RIP).

And then we get to this notion of comparable MTG in-world mechanics. The mood is so lighthearted, and the effects would be almost ironic compared to what they usually depict. "Yeah, there are two cards in my deck that wipe the board. One depicts the descent of a corrupted god annihilating the innocent—and one's about a bartender kicking folks out 'cause the night's over." And that's, like, not out of the ordinary for the game. Sometimes Naturalize removes the horrors of the Eldrazi, and sometimes it's a broken piece of pottery. Effects like these are a little more grandiose, of course, and I think it's my own preconceived notions of what massive effects 'have to' look like that's the stumbling block. Maybe we're not going to see bar-themed references in the game anytime soon, but as for levity? I'm not too opposed, oddly enough.

And finishing soon, double-prommy. @abelzumi