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heyyyharry · 4 years

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Chapter 8: The Little Prince and His Flower

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Stay Mine)

…in which Harry must return to Holmes Chapel, Y/N is upset he went without her, and family drama is not family-only.

Word count: 10k

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Wattpad link (Thea as Y/N)

What to expect in this chapter: Gemma/Isaac, Niall/?, Ruby(???), and a graveyard ‘date’

Isaac closed his umbrella, almost too caught up in what had happened to realise it'd stopped raining since Gemma had left. His mouth opened to answer Emilia’s question, but his brain was stuttering, unable to keep up.

He'd kissed Gemma.

No, she had kissed him. He didn’t know why she’d done it, but did it matter? He'd kissed her back and he'd liked it. He'd kissed his best friend’s sister, who had a boyfriend, a shitty one, still, it didn’t justify what he’d done.

If Harry knew about this—

His stomach twisted into knots as his palms started to sweat. Harry couldn’t know about this. They were finally on good terms again. Isaac couldn’t fuck this up. Had Emilia seen the kiss? Would she tell Harry if she had?

Isaac took a deep breath to ease his mind. To Emilia, he said, “I came to see you. You didn’t show up for the shoot, Emi.”

“I lost my phone and I thought the shoot was next week.” She gave an apologetic grin. “I’m very sorry.”

Her apology didn’t sound sincere, but now he had bigger problems to worry about. With an impersonal tone, he said, “If you’re not interested anymore, you should’ve let me know so I could find someone else.”

“No, no, I still want to model for you!” She wrapped her fingers around his wrist before he even thought about ending the conversation. His alarmed expression got her blushing as she hid her hands behind her back, staring at her feet. “I’d been...um...I’d been busy preparing for my audition this morning. That was why I took two days off in a row, and then my boss called me here today because the shop got overcrowded.”

“An audition? For a movie?”

He hoped his startlement didn’t offend her. There was nothing wrong with her auditioning for a movie; she used to go to film school after all. But not so long ago she’d told him she’d already given up on her dream of becoming an actress, so he was curious to know how that passion had sparked again.

“Yes, a real movie!” she exclaimed, her green eyes twinkling like Harry’s whenever he talked about his job, or Y/N.

As if Emilia could read Isaac’s mind, she added, “Harry encouraged me to attend casting calls. I’ve done some commercials and modelling before, so a movie would be a nice challenge. He also gave me the contacts of some directors—” His dubious look stopped her midsentence, and her voice went flat, “I didn’t get them from his assistant. He actually gave them to me.”

“No, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay. Please don’t explain.” With a frustrated exhalation, she peered around him. “Was that Gemma who just left?”

The hair stood up at the nape of his nape when he met her questioning gaze. Convinced that she’d seen the kiss, he had to admit, “Yeah, it was Gemma.”

Her eyes went round as she considered him in a sceptical manner. “Are you two dating?”

“No. She has a boyfriend.”

Gemma was so private that not many people knew she had a boyfriend. For all he knew, he could’ve lied to Emilia and gotten away with it even if she’d witnessed the kiss. He couldn’t bring himself to do it, though. He had a strict rule against lying. No matter how trivial you thought your lie was, you’d have to cover it up with more lies, and before you knew it, the lie had become too big, like a snowball rolling down a hill. The damage it would cause was inevitable.

Nodding slowly, Emilia ahhhhed in silence and concluded with, “Too bad. I’d love to talk to her.”

He waited for her to continue, but then she told him she had to get back to work and would text him with her new number. Just like that, she disappeared into the shop, leaving him in bafflement.

Emilia was the most curious person he’d ever met, so if knowing Gemma’s relationship status was a good enough answer for her, then she must’ve seen the kiss. What he couldn’t explain was how cool she’d been about it, as if him — her half-brother’s best friend — kissing her half-sister, who had a boyfriend, was the most normal thing in the world.

Either she hadn’t seen anything, or she was a much better actress than he thought.

Y/N had been a fool to think she would worry less about writing now that she’d found the perfect literary agent. For the last few months, she’d been stressed out about pitching her manuscript, but ever since she’d had Laura, her biggest concern had circled back to the manuscript itself.

Laura was a perfectionist, which was good, because she never made mistakes. But she expected the same thing from all of her clients, and Y/N would do anything to please that woman. Even if it meant pulling an all-nighter and living off on tea and protein bars just to finish another scene to move on to the next.

After their first meeting, Laura had emailed Y/N a very long list of what she ‘didn’t like’ about the story. Some scenes were redundant; the drama should be more intense; the plot twists weren’t shocking enough; more sex, more sex, more sex.

Y/N had vowed to herself that she would never, ever, write a generic story just to match a publisher’s bulleted list. Yet here she was, shamefully ticking boxes and changing the entire story as she went. If her characters could step out of the page, they would strangle her in her sleep for how she’d fucked up their lives. But if she was going to have an agent, she had to believe in her agent.

Laura knew what kind of book sold and what didn’t, and at this point, Y/N just wanted her novel to be published. She didn’t care if it wasn’t the best story in her opinion. As long as Laura guaranteed that Y/N’s babies would end up on the shelves in the biggest bookstores in London, Y/N would do anything – and she meant anything – Laura told her to.

“Y/N!”

The voice interrupted her train of thoughts, and she glanced up from her laptop screen to meet Alice’s amused gaze. “You haven’t touched your tea,” Alice said, her grin widened. Only then did Y/N realise her tea had been served a long while ago and already gotten cold. “And maybe stand up and walk around for a bit. How could you sit in one place for three fucking hours? Can you still feel your ass?”

Y/N snorted at the remark and wiggled against her chair. “This ass still feels pretty fine to me.”

“Weirdo,” Alice said, shaking her head.

But Alice did have a point. Y/N had been staring at the screen for so long that the words had begun to look all the same; a short break would do her some good.

Her shoulders sagged as she took off her AirPods, rubbed her eyes with the heels of her palms and glanced around the shop. It’d been so crowded when they had arrived this morning. Now, most of the customers had left, and there were only them, a couple at the table by the street-facing window, and three girls in the corner booth, who were laughing and taking selfies.

Alice shot them a disapproving glare before switching her attention back to the novella in her hands — The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. Y/N’s mother had read it to her when she was little, and she still remembered the story as if she’d learned it by heart. You knew when a book was good when even Alice, who absolutely hated reading, could not put it down.

Not wanting to disrupt her friend, Y/N quietly pushed away from the table when Alice snapped her head up, her eyebrows scrunched. “Where are you going?”

“Gotta pee.”

Alice gave a dismissive wave, and her eyes were fixed on the book again.

In the bathroom, Y/N took the far back stall, telling herself to finish quickly so she could get back to work. But while cleaning herself, she heard echoes of high heels accompanied by the laughter of the previous group of girls. The door next to hers opened and shut, and the water ran as one girl washed her hands.

“Did she leave already?” asked the one in the stall.

“I think so,” said her friend outside.

“Shame. I thought Harry was gonna show up,” the third girl sighed in disappointment as the water stopped. The toilet flushed, heels clacked against the marble, and the water ran again.

“I saw him in the car park once,” continued the third voice. “He came to pick her up. You should’ve seen her bitchy face. No wonder she’s got no friend but the psycho Alice Young.”

Y/N scowled when the first girl chimed in, “Remember Mandy Torres from English Lit?”

The Mandy who’d pretended to be friends with Y/N and then shit-talked about her behind her back? Yes, she remembered.

“So Mandy invited them to her party because she’s a sweetheart. Then that bitch got insecure, thinking Mandy might steal her man, so she blew up at Many in the library, calling her names and stuff. Two people saw it!”

Y/N could bet these girls knew it was a lie, and still, they chose to believe it so they could have a reason to hate her.

Three of them laughed at the same time, and then the second one said, “Can’t believe she still showed her face after that clip.”

“What clip?” her friend asked, sounding just as confused as Y/N.

Her heart was pounding, and her fingers were clawing at her knees. She didn’t know what clip they were referring to. And why shouldn’t she show her face?

Yes, she and Harry had filmed a sex tape before, but they’d been careful and deleted it right after they’d watched it together. It was impossible that the clip still existed and had gotten leaked.

“Oh, you haven’t seen it? This morning, someone uploaded a clip of Harry Styles and Ruby Ellis dancing together at a party in LA. They were all over each other.”

“Oh my God, they’re definitely fucking again!”

“Can you blame him? Would you pick that whore over Ruby Ellis?”

Their laughter faded into white noise, and soon their footsteps had become mute.

Y/N sat there for a long moment, fists balling against her skirt until she was sure she was alone again. That was when she got on her feet, flushed the toilet and clawed the door open.

Her reflection in the mirror caught her by surprise. She almost didn’t recognise herself from how angry she looked. Taking a deep breath, she stomped to the sink to wash her hands and then dried them with a paper towel before going back to her table like nothing was wrong.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see those girls watching her. They whispered something to each other, probably shocked and embarrassed that she’d heard them say all those terrible things behind her back.

The old Y/N would have stepped out of the stall and put them in their place. But the new Y/N — Harry’s Y/N — wouldn’t put on a show in public and take down her boyfriend’s career and her dignity.

“You okay?” Alice asked when Y/N plopped down in the chair across from her.

Y/N flatly said, “yes,” and put on her AirPods to get back to work. No more distraction. Fuck those girls. Fuck the internet. She didn’t need to see that clip to–

Her phone buzzed once, and she flinched. Cece had sent her a post on Instagram.

Now what? Was she going to check it? Her mind went numb for a second as her fingers froze on the keyboards. She kept staring at the blinking cursor until her anxiety became too much, and she surrendered. She grabbed her phone, swiped right on the notification and placed her thumb on the home button to unlock the screen.

Have you seen this?

No, she hadn’t. And she hadn’t intended to until now.

The thumbnail of the video was too dark for her to make out what it was, but the caption said: WHAT HAPPENED TO Y/N??? With shocked emojis. Three shocked emojis. His fans were freaking out for her, so this might not be good.

Biting a nail, she muted the volume and tapped on the clip to be directed to the post. It was dark at first, but when the pink light started flashing, she could make out Harry’s figure. She knew his drunk dance moves; he was definitely three sheets to the wind here. Then, she caught a glimpse of the dress Niall had criticised the other night. Ruby looked just as drunk as she danced next to Harry, shouting the lyrics of whatever song the DJ was playing.

It was hard to know for sure what was happening here as it was too dark, but a part of Y/N felt relieved because she had expected worse. They were just dancing together, their bodies barely touching, and there were so many people around.

“Shit.”

She jerked her head to the side, and Alice’s face almost gave her a heart attack. Alice was standing beside her, one hand on the back of Y/N’s chair, the other lay flat on the table.

“I don’t care what everyone’s saying. It doesn’t look like he’s cheating on you.”

Y/N’s heart beat faster even though she knew Harry would never cheat. Not on her, nor anyone else. She’d seen how he’d beat himself up for sleeping with Ruby despite her having a boyfriend. He’d made mistakes in the past, but he would never hurt a woman by cheating on her.

Maybe the issue didn’t lie in the fact that everyone was saying he had or was going to cheat on Y/N. Maybe seeing him dance with Ruby – at the big fancy party Y/N had refused to attend – made her feel like he would be happier at places like that, with people like that, people like Ruby and his famous friends.

Her chest sank as she finished the thought, but she still managed to set it aside as she closed her laptop and rose from her seat. “Ready to go, Al?”

“Sure, but can I pee first? I need to pee.”

Alice’s grimace made her giggle as she watched her friend rush to the bathroom.

She began to gather her notebooks and chargers when her phone buzzed repeatedly, and when she saw it was Harry, she picked it up. Something told her he’d just woken up, seen the clip and freaked out. He should freak out. Because she’d almost had a heart attack.

She shoved the rest of her things into her bag and hit the talk button.

“I’ve seen the video, so we don’t have to talk about it.”

“Shit,” he grunted. “Are you mad at me? I swear I was drunk and didn’t know who I was dancing with, but Jeff called me a taxi afterwards and–”

“Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you.”

When he let out a sigh, she could almost see him close his eyes and put a hand against his chest. “Where are you?”

“At a coffee shop on campus.” She leaned her hip against the table as she turned and made eye contact with one of the girls in the corner booth. The girl turned back to her friends like nothing was wrong, but Y/N knew the bitch was scared to death. To Harry, she said, “I’m heading home though. I’ll see you at the airport tonight, kay?”

“That...won’t be necessary.”

“What do you mean?” She straightened when realisation hit her. “Harry, where are you?”

“Holmes Chapel.”

She knew it.

“I knew it! I knew you’d go without me.”

“I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t want to involve you in my family drama. I’m going to talk to my mum alone, and then–”

She didn’t want to let him finish. “I’m already involved, though. I could help. You might get anxious and say the wrong things. Look how it went with Gemma.”

When he paused, she knew he knew she was right. Still, his stubborn ass would never admit it. “I’m sorry, babe. At least you can focus on your book while I’m not there. Miss you. See you soon.”

The line disconnected. She stared at the screen in disbelief, and text messages from him popped up.

Forgot to say I love you.

I love you.

With a sigh, she stuffed her phone into the front pocket of her backpack and pinched her temples. She hated that she couldn’t stay mad at him, but she wished he hadn’t blindsided her like that.

Whatever. She’d deal with him when he got back tomorrow.

She shrugged on the backpack just in time Alice returned from the bathroom. Alice clumsily threw her things into her nude tote bag and hurried to the door as Y/N preceded. The moment they stepped out into the street, Alice asked, “Did those Kardashian wannabes bother you when I was in the bathroom?”

She was referring to the girls in the corner booth.

“Why’d you think so?” Y/N responded as she kept on walking.

“I saw them glaring at you when we left, and I almost stopped to throw a fist.” Alice swung her fist and frantically apologized to an annoyed pedestrian for almost hitting him.

“Well, they talked shit about me in the bathroom and didn’t know I was there.” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve poured drinks on them like I did with Mandy.”

Y/N froze in her tracks, her eyes widened. “You did what with Mandy?”

“I heard her talk shit about you at her party so I poured vodka on her head.” Alice clasped both hands together in front of her chest. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

Y/N stared at her friend unblinkingly for a moment, and then crushed her in a fierce embrace. “You’re a good friend, Al. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Laughing, Alice clasped Y/N’s shoulders and pushed away from her. “You’re not going to cry, aren’t you?”

“No, you dick.” She brushed Alice’s hands off. “Lunch?”

“Sure. I’m starving.” With an arm around each other’s waist, they strolled down the busy pavement together.

After lunch in the Vietnamese restaurant right across from Y/N’s block, they ran into Blake outside. He was about to get into his car when he spotted Y/N and waved at her.

This was actually the first time she’d seen him in casual clothes. He always wore suits when he went to work, and workout clothes when he was at home. Today, he wore a black t-shirt with dark blue jeans, his hair uncombed, his smile wide. He looked almost five years younger. Almost like the ‘high school bad boy’ Blake that she remembered.

“Jesus, is that your ex-boyfriend slash neighbour?” Alice dropped her jaw as she fanned herself, and Y/N quickly swatted her on the arm.

Blake rested an arm on the roof of his car as a dimple appeared in his cheek. “Working on a Saturday, Miss Writer?”

“Working everyday, Mr Lawyer.”

Alice elbowed her gently while looking Blake up and down, so she had to add, “This is my friend Alice.”

“Nice to meet you, Alice. I’m Blake.”

Alice caught his hand with both of hers and shook it firmly. “Y/N has said a lot about you.”

“Has she?” Blake arched an eyebrow at Y/N, who scoffed and waved Alice’s comment away.

“Don’t believe her. She’s nuts.”

“Hey!”

Y/N ignored her friend and switched her attention to Blake’s car. He hated driving as much as she did, only because he preferred his motorcycle – which she assumed he’d left in the US – otherwise he would rather walk. And since he didn’t have to work on Saturdays, she took a guess that he was going out of town.

“Where are you going?”

“Holmes Chapel.”

His answer made her flinch. From what she’d heard, his parents didn’t live there anymore. So why would he go there?

“I’m visiting my grandma,” he said before she could ask. “You’ve met her a few times, remember?”

She nodded. His grandma used to love her. After they’d broken up, Y/N had even considered going to his grandma’s house every day so that Grandma Roman would grow attached to her and convince Blake to get back with her. Now she was glad teenage Y/N hadn’t had the nerves to do something so humiliating.

“Y/N, you’re going to Holmes Chapel tomorrow, right?”

Y/N shot Alice a disapproving glare before telling Blake, “Harry and I were gonna go together, but something came up and he had to go without me.”

Had to. Inner Y/N rolled her eyes at the words.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Blake said, but she waved it off.

“Don’t be. Tell your grandma I said hi, okay?”

“Okay. Good luck with your writing.”

Her response was simply a dissatisfied hum. Just thinking about spending another night alone in her flat with her laptop could almost make her go insane. She could go out tonight, but she’d feel guilty because she didn’t have a reason to not write another chapter. If she was surrounded by family and friends, however...

“Blake,” she said before he could get into his car. “Can I go with you?”

When Alice dropped her jaw and Blake’s eyes went wide, she continued, “I can sit in the back. I won’t bother you.”

She'd already braced herself for rejection, knowing how much Blake hated being in a car with other people during long drives, even when he was the passenger. He relished the feeling of an adrenaline rush while riding his motorcycle, and had often joked that he’d felt most alive when he might die. Being in a car confined him. So did the company of someone else. It’d been different when they’d been a couple but they weren’t anymore. Now she was just ‘someone else’ to him.

“Sure, I don’t mind.” He flashed a grin that deepened his dimple and caught her by surprise.

“You don’t have to. I don’t want to make you feel uncomf–”

“I don’t mind driving you, Y/N. Get in.” He patted the roof of his car, and Alice aimed a pointed glare at him as if she hadn’t sighed like a schoolgirl when they shook hands.

Although Y/N understood Alice’s concern and was well aware that she would be spending three hours in the car with her ex, going with him sounded like a better idea than taking a taxi.

She hadn’t sat behind the wheel since the accident and had only let Harry drive her around. But somehow she trusted Blake. She’d trusted him with most of her first times, and being in a relationship with him for two years had convinced her that he was a careful driver.

“Y/N!”

The solitary voice caught her by surprise. She whipped around to see Niall crossing the street and stalking toward her with a bubbly grin on his face.

“Is that Niall Horan?” Alice unconsciously dug her nail into Y/N's arm, and Y/N winced as she pulled away.

“What are you doing here, Niall?”

“I had a photoshoot in this area and I thought we should hang out. You know, since we’re officially friends now.” He raked his fingers through his hair and arched his mouth when he noticed Blake. “Hey, man.”

Blake only raised his palm, saying nothing.

“This is Alice,” Y/N said as she gripped Alice’s hard shoulders. “She’s a big fan of yours, so please be nice to her.”

"Nice to meet you," Niall said. "Alice is a pretty name."

When he took Alice's hand and pressed a kiss to it, Y/N thought her friend would just pass out right in front of them. Alice might be bold with Blake, Isaac, and even Harry, but facing Niall, she suddenly forgot how to speak. Which might be a good thing because she said crazy things when she was nervous, and Y/N couldn’t handle more crazy right now.

“I’m sorry, Niall. I’m actually leaving.”

“Oh, where are you going?”

“We’re going to Holmes Chapel,” Blake answered on her behalf, still leaning against his car. He didn’t seem frustrated that she and her friends were wasting his time, and she truly wondered why.

Niall turned back to her with an eyebrow raised. “Weren’t you going with Harry tomorrow?”

“Apparently not,” she huffed. “But don’t worry. I’ll text him to let him know.”

“I can give you a ride.”

Niall pointed to the black Audi parked on the other side of the street. A man in a black suit, buzzed head, twice her size, gave them a cold stare as Niall waved and smiled at him.

“That’s Barry. He’s cool.”

She took a surprised breath, considering Barry for a quick second. “I think I’ll be fine with Blake.”

She would have agreed to go with Niall in a heartbeat, if there was just Niall, and he was driving a less luxurious vehicle. She could already imagine how badly her body would ache when they arrived, as she wouldn’t dare to move a single muscle in his new car, especially when Barry was the one who drove it.

“Okay.” Niall gave a nonchalant shrug as he fished out his phone and made a quick call. “Hey, man.” He gave the scary man across the street a peace sign. “I’ll stay with my friend. You may leave now. Thanks, Barry.”

Y/N watched Niall’s bodyguard/chauffeur get into the shiny Audi, not knowing what to expect when Niall put his phone away and switched his attention back to her.

“Let’s go.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “What do you mean?”

“I’m going with you,” he said with a smirk, “and Blake.”

“Can I come, too, please?” Alice interjected as she tugged Y/N’s arm. “I’ll be quiet as a mouse, you won’t even know I’m there.”

“I’m not the one who gets to decide here, Al,” Y/N grumbled.

“Alice and Niall can join us,” Blake interfered, at last. “The more the merrier.”

When Alice started bouncing like a kid in a sweet shop, he mouthed it’s okay to Y/N, and she responded with an apologetic twitch of her lips that was meant to be a smile. If he was only acting to be polite to her friends, she’d feel so shitty.

Blake opened the door on the passenger side for her, but Niall quickly got in and buckled his seatbelt. With a sigh, she joined Alice in the backseat. Something told her that this was going to be the longest three hours she had ever experienced.

Gemma tightened her fingers around her phone. With one hand in her hair, she kept pacing back and forth in her hotel room, the beating of her heart accelerating with each ring. She hated phone calls. There was something so nerve-wracking about talking to someone and not knowing what their true reaction was. However, she knew Asher wouldn’t hold anything back.

When you’d been with someone for two years, you’d figure out their patterns. You could predict what they were going to say or do in a certain situation. And she wished it hadn’t been the case this time as what she was expecting was pretty awful.

She’d always considered Asher’s bad temper a minor flaw, but it hadn’t been easy lately. His business was going down. His dad had decided to stop pouring money into his failed ventures, which was why he’d been spending so much time with his family. He wanted to be on his father’s good side while sweet-talking his mother into helping him.

He was a mama’s boy, like Harry. The only difference was that Harry genuinely loved his family and would never blame Gemma for his own mistakes. Asher, on the other hand, took his exasperation out on her, making her feel like she’d been the cause of all of the bad things that’d happened to him in the last couple of months. She’d been walking on eggshells around him, well aware of how toxic that was, but the idea of ending a two-year relationship was too intimidating.

The ringing abruptly stopped. And so did she.

“Yes?” Asher spoke. He hadn’t heard from her in two days, and that was all she got from him. Yes?

“I have to tell you something,” she said anyway, trying to sound more composed than she looked. Perhaps a phone call was a good idea after all.

“I also have something to tell you. Can I go first?”

“Sure.” As much as she wanted to get this off her chest, the more she delayed, the more time there was to prepare herself for his reaction. She’d never seen anyone confess to their partner that they’d cheated and receive instant forgiveness, not even in movies. It definitely wouldn’t be the case for her and Asher.

“I think we should take a break.”

Her brain slowed down, unable to process that information. Her mouth opened and shut a few times like a goldfish until she could speak. “What do you mean?”

She knew exactly what a break meant. She just couldn’t bring herself to believe he’d actually proposed it, at least not before she told him about the kiss.

“I want us to stop seeing each other for a while.”

“We haven’t seen each other in weeks, Ash.”

“Come on, Gem, you know this is inevitable. We’ve been fighting constantly.” Yes. Because of him. “And I can’t remember the last time we had sex.”

“So you’re suggesting that we take a break so you could fuck other people?”

A long stretch of silence followed her question. Waves of anger splashed over her as she gripped the phone so tightly her knuckles turned white. She couldn’t believe she’d been so scared to tell him the truth, and then he’d proposed something like this without any sign of guilt.

“We both need this, Gem.”

“You’re right. We do,” she said despite the lump in her throat. “Goodbye, Ash.”

She ended the call before he could say another word and rushed to open the window. She needed some fresh air, otherwise, she might throw up.

Gripping the sides of the window frame, she took in a sharp breath. When she opened her eyes again, she saw a familiar Prius parked in front of the building. It looked like the one in Harry’s car collection, but wasn’t he in Holmes Chapel right now?

She’d gotten her answer as soon as the door was opened, and Isaac stepped out, phone in his hand. When he brought it up to his ear, her phone started buzzing, and she instantly grabbed it and tapped answer.

“Hello?”

“I’m here. Let’s go,” he said.

“What?”

“I’m driving you, remember?”

“Driving me where?”

“To Holmes Chapel.” His soft laugh melted the coldness remaining in her heart from the phone call with Asher. After an awkward pause, he said, “Oh shit, didn’t Harry tell you? He asked me to pick you up.”

She shook her head even though he couldn’t see. “I said I’d take the train.”

“You don’t have to. Your mum asked me to come for dinner and I just needed a reason to get out of town.”

Something told her Harry hadn’t asked him to pick her up, and she hated how good that made her feel.

When the thought of Asher crossed her mind, she snapped out of her fantasy. This wasn’t right. She was a hypocrite for being angry at Asher and then having butterflies thinking about her brother’s best friend. Clearly she wasn’t going to sit in a car with Isaac for three hours after what she’d done.

“Come on, Gem. We don’t have to talk about it.”

It.

He couldn’t even say the word. Her kiss must have disgusted him. She’d forced herself on him, and he was still nice enough to offer to drive her. He was only doing this because he was nice, because he was Isaac, not because he had feelings for her. Why would she want him to have feelings for her, anyway? She was still with Asher. Kind of. And she would eventually have to tell him that she’d cheated on him and then beg for his forgiveness.

Now that she thought about it, she believed she deserved this. She needed to start acting like a grown woman and dared to face what she’d done.

“Okay, give me a minute,” she told Isaac.

“All right.” A grin could be heard in his voice before the call disconnected. She sighed roughly, tucked her phone into the pocket of her jeans as she gathered essential things and quickly headed out.

When Isaac saw her walk toward him from the building, his first instinct was to shove his hands in the pockets of his trench coat, giving her a smile so courteous that it made her skin crawl. He loved giving and receiving hugs, but he didn’t do it with her anymore because she’d crossed the line.

He opened the door on the passenger side for her, and she got into his car, buckled her seatbelt as he got behind the wheel. The door was closed, muffling the traffic noise, and she could hear the pulse in her throat loud and clear.

She had to say something.

“What happened to the Range Rover?”

“Oh, this one’s Harry’s,” he said, his voice casual as he started the engine and drove back onto the street. “He lent it to Emilia so she could go to a movie audition. She asked me to return it.”

The nervousness was washed away by irritation as her face screwed up. “He lends her his cars now? Harry is anal about letting people drive his babies.”

“He did lend it to her. I asked him,” Isaac said with a shrug. “He said she’s basically family now.”

“I need to slap him when I see his stupid face.”

“And I need to watch that. Maybe film it, too,” he chuckled, eyes on the road.

She allowed a goofy smile to play on her lips, which vanished as she started to analyse what he’d said. “Did you meet Emilia today?”

“We did a photoshoot. She’s my new model.”

“Oh,” she said, unsure how she wanted that one word to sound.

Before she could dwell on the idea of him and Emilia, he broke the silence. “Harry said you’d asked him to go alone, but then you changed your mind. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” She tucked a strand behind her ear, fighting the urge to look at the side of his face as they talked. “I wanted him to fix the mess that he’d started, but then I realised he was an idiot and would most likely mess things up even more.”

That wasn’t the reason. Harry was no longer the careless kid who randomly brought up Winton and made their mum cry without knowing it. He was an adult and would figure out a sensible way to talk to their mum about Winton and Emilia. So why did Gemma insist on going home?

It took a moment’s thought for her to realise she’d done this out of guilt, and maybe desperation, too. She felt bad about forcing her brother to do the hard work, and at the same time, needed the safety of her family to escape from the stress her relationship had put upon her. She wished she could tell Isaac everything, but she didn’t want to make this trip about her.

“Are you mad at me?” His question brought her back to reality. Only then did she realise they had left the city and were heading onto a country road between large green fields. “Gem, are you mad at me?”

Her heart skipped a beat as she began to fidget with her handbag on her lap. He’d promised that they wouldn’t talk about the kiss. Did he lie to get her into this car?

“No, I’m not.” She winced at how forceful that sounded.

“Are you sure?”

“You said we didn’t have to talk about it,” she snapped and stiffened in her seat when he darted a quick glance her way before focusing on the road again.

He swallowed once. “I just don’t want us to be awkward with each other, Gem.”

“You’re right.” She lowered her face and scratched the tip of her nose. “I’m sorry for what I did. I wasn’t thinking.”

“I know why you did it.”

He did?

“You had a fight with your boyfriend and you were confused, right?”

“No, I–” She paused, feeling overwrought. “Why aren’t you upset? You should be angry at me.”

“No, I shouldn’t.”

“Yes, you should!” She almost turned and sat upright if it wasn’t for the seatbelt holding her back. “I kissed you when you didn’t want to be kissed. You should be angry.”

“Gemma,” the sound of her name vibrated with his warm laughter, and she felt her body melting into the leather seat. “I kissed you back, so I’m equally guilty here.”

Had he kissed her back? She couldn’t recall. The comforting scent of his cologne accompanied by the shock and guilt must have dulled her senses. But if he had kissed her back, did it mean he’d wanted her, too?

“Don’t worry,” he said after stealing another glance at her. “I know you’re in a long-term relationship. And I don’t want to mess it up, so let’s pretend it never happened. I think you weren’t aware that you were kissing me. I mean, someone like you would never kiss me.”

“Someone like me?” Her gaze jumped to the side of his face. “What does that mean?”

Thinking she was offended, he awkwardly explained, “That...that was meant to be a compliment. You’re a strong and independent woman. You’re smart, beautiful, funny–”

“Pull over,” she said, her heart pounding in her ears.

A glimpse of horror crossed his face as he faltered, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

“Pull over, Isaac.” Her voice was strained, her eyes intense. The car reached a standstill on the side of the road, and her mind was spiralling out of control as she unbuckled her seatbelt and launched herself across the gearshift. She was on his lap, arms wrapped around his neck.

His body was stiff as a board when he dropped his gaze to her mouth, making her wonder if he’d been thinking about her since they’d kissed. She knew she had. The memory made her lips tingle as if he’d kissed them again. She wanted him to kiss them again.

They brought their mouths together at the same time. His hands claimed her face to deepen the kiss, and euphoria shocked through her system as she kissed him harder. She fisted the fabric at his chest, pulling him closer while his hands swept down her back, squeezing her hips. In that moment, when they were alone on the empty road surrounded by windy green fields, something that was meant to be wrong, felt like the rightest thing she had ever done.

Harry had been waiting on the porch since he’d gotten the text message from Y/N. His mum had told him to wait inside, but watching the street somehow made time fly faster. Or so he hoped.

He rested his elbows on his knees, face between his palms, unconsciously tapping his right foot. He did deserve this. He’d blindsided her and now she was making him pay by going home with her ex. Fuck that lawyer kid. Who did he think he was? If there hadn’t been Niall and Alice, Harry would have driven all the way back to London to pick her up.

Twenty minutes felt like two hours as he waited, and when he spotted a car from a distance, he immediately bounced onto his feet. But it was Isaac and Gemma in his black Prius, not his Bambi.

“Wow, aren’t you excited to see me?” Gemma sneered as she stepped out of the vehicle and walked towards him.

Isaac greeted Harry with a hug, and Harry pulled away and nodded his head toward Gemma. “You didn’t have to drive her, you know. I could’ve picked her up at the station.”

Silent, Gemma thinned her lips as Isaac rubbed the back of his head. Why were they acting so awkward? Had Harry said something wrong?

“I know what’s going on here.” Harry put his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes at both of them. “You’re mad at me for lending Emi my car.”

Gemma’s shoulders dipped as she let out a sigh. “Even that name irritates me.”

“Oh, come on, Gem.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his chest, but she pushed him away. “That one is my least favourite,” he said, pointing to the Prius.

A corner of her lips quirked up as she brushed past him. “And you’re my least favourite person.”

Isaac tossed him the key and followed her, but before they made it to the porch, another car entered their street. Harry’s Bambi was here.

“My Bambi’s here!” he squealed like a little kid, making Gemma snort.

“Wait, Smiley’s here?”

“It’s weird that you still call her that, but yeah, Niall’s here, too,” he told Isaac and stalked toward the car which had pulled over in front of his house.

Niall got out first, stretching his limbs before pulling Harry in for an embrace. “You owed me, Harold.”

“I know. Thanks, mate.” Harry let go of Niall to hug Alice. “Didn’t know you were coming.”

“I didn’t either, but here I am. Lovely neighbourhood!” Alice lifted her shoulders as she adjusted the strap of her bag and then lowered her voice to almost a whisper, “Niall’s single, right?”

“Al! What are you whispering about?”

Harry’s gaze jumped to Y/N, who had finished saying goodbye to Blake. When Blake saw him, the kid raised a palm and a smile which looked fake as hell, but Harry managed to keep his calm and returned one just as plastic.

Y/N walked around the car and threw herself into Harry’s arms, holding his face and kissing his lips. He held her flat against him as he kissed her harder. He could hear Niall making a gagging noise, but he didn’t care as long as he got to rub this in Blake’s face. Because he was as mature as a nine-year-old, and he was fine with it.

“Stop eating her face, pervert.”

Gemma’s comment broke him and Y/N apart. He flipped his sister off and, with a smug look on his face, watched Blake’s car drive ahead and disappear at the end of the road. A swat on the chest made his eyes jump back to Y/N.

“You’re in so much trouble, Harry.” Her nose wrinkled, and he wondered if she knew how cute she looked when she made that face. He cupped her cheeks and kissed her forehead when Gemma took their friends into the house.

“I’m sorry, babe. Why didn’t you text me sooner?” he said with a pout. “You waited until you were almost here to tell me you were coming.” With fucking Blake.

“Well, I knew you were going to wait on the porch. Couldn’t make you wait for three hours.”

His heart fluttered as he pressed a kiss to her temple. “You know me so well, kid.”

“I’m still pretty mad at you,” she said. “But I do have a lot to tell you about.”

“About your book?”

She smiled and nodded. He released a relieved sigh as he brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. “I was afraid that you’d be mad at me. The clip and everything.”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Would you prefer that I’m mad at you?”

“No.” He shook his head and pecked her lips then either corner of it. “I’m a bad boyfriend. I should’ve driven you, not your stupid ex. Thank God for Niall and Alice.”

“Niall was even worse than you,” she giggled.

He nuzzled her neck, tilting her head up to press a series of kisses to her jaw. When his hands swept from her back to her spine, she snatched his wrists and pinned them to his chest. The way she arched an eyebrow and clicked her tongue made his cock swell against the fly of his pants. When her pupils dilated, he knew she felt it, but she didn’t acknowledge it and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips before pulling away.

“I have to say hi to Marcy and Dad. I’ll come over later, kay?”

“Tell them to join us for dinner.” He tugged her arm, not letting her go just yet. “Bradford and I can bond over our hatred for Blake. It’ll be fun.”

“I’m sure he’d love to come, consider how much he loves Isaac.”

“Damn it,” he cursed when she burst out laughing and cupped his face to kiss him twice on the cheeks. With a lovesick smile, he watched her pad across her front yard and waited until she’d gone into her house to finally return to his.

His mother was so happy to have so many guests that night. She’d cooked a big meal for everyone. Even Bradford and Marcy came to join them. Just like Harry’s promise, he and Bradford had bonded over their same intense dislike for Blake Roman. Y/N had to stuff their mouths with spaghetti so they would stop talking. Alice had won Niall over with her review about the first book she’d read in her life, and now Niall was reading the first book in his life. Weird, but cute.

What was even weirder, however, was to see his sister being so close with Isaac. They’d been whispering back and forth the whole night, and not once did Gemma mention Asher. Harry didn’t like Asher that much so he didn’t mind, and it was good to see Gemma happy again. He hadn’t seen her smile that big before. His mum, too.

His heart sank to the bottom of his chest as he remembered the reason they were all here. He had to tell his mum about Winton.

She would be so disappointed. She might even cry. And this dinner, all of these jokes, all this laughter would mean nothing when she heard about Winton and Emilia. Harry hated to be the reason the women he loved cry. But if he didn’t tell his mum, and she found out herself, he’d be the shittiest son in the world. This would hurt either way, one less than the other.

Dinner was over soon. While everyone gathered in the living room for a game, Harry and Gemma volunteered to clean up. Just like when they were kids, they did something wrong and volunteered to do the housework so the chance of them being forgiven would be higher. Harry knew what he’d done wrong. He didn’t know why Gemma was here.

“They’re playing Scrabble.”

The voice made him flinch before two arms wrapped around his waist, pulling her body toward his. Y/N tiptoed to kiss his neck, and he giggled like a little boy. Gemma gave them a funny look but didn’t say a word because she, and everyone else, was already used to their public affection.

“Let’s wait until tomorrow morning,” she told Harry, and his face screwed up.

“And ruin Mum’s entire Sunday?”

“Well, would you prefer that she stay up all night?”

“I agree with Gemma, baby.” Y/N tightened her grip around his waist, resting her cheek against his back. She felt so small pressed against him like this, and since he’d gone two days without fucking, the thought of holding her up against the wall and spreading her open with his arms beneath her knees was enough to turn his balls blue. He would make that fantasy a reality if Gemma weren’t here, and they weren’t one door away from the only group of people whose opinions about them mattered.

“Okay, tomorrow then,” he said and turned on the tap to wash his hands.

“Alice will sleep with me tonight,” Y/N said. “Niall or Isaac can use our guest room.”

“I’ll sacrifice Niall. Your guest room is shit, and I love Isaac a bit more than Niall.”

She pinched his side and he jumped, but her arms forced his body still.

“I’ll let Gemma pick then,” he said.

“What?” Gemma asked, distracted.

“Isaac and Niall,” he raised a smirk. “One will have to sleep in Y/N’s shitty guest room. One stays here with us.”

“It’s not shitty,” Y/N said in a protesting tone.

“Babe, I saw a rat the last time we had se—”

She smacked a hand over his mouth before he could finish the sentence. As Gemma rolled her eyes at them, he plucked Y/N’s fingers off his face and told his sister, “Go ahead. You pick.”

She opened her mouth. For a second, he thought she was going to answer, but then she released a huff and said, “I’m not doing this with you children.”

“Children?!” He dropped his jaw as she stalked out of the kitchen. Y/N dissolved into laughter as he spun around, took each of her arms and draped it over his shoulder.

A smile played on her lips, and she asked, “Do you wanna join them or go on a date with me?”

“Oooh, where is this date?”

“The cemetery.”

His face went blank for a second as she stifled a laugh. “Just kidding.” She pinched his cheeks. “I’m going to see my mum. You coming?”

“Why does it have to be now?”

“Are you coming or not?”

He was so whipped he would have gone without knowing it was the cemetery. “Fine. But if we see a ghost, I’m leaving you behind.”

She laughed and shoved him away, and they raced each other to the living room. They told everyone that they’d go out for a walk. And as he escorted her to the door, Niall and Alice started clapping and cheering, and Gemma tossed a pillow at Niall to get him to shut up.

There wasn’t a particular reason that Y/N had chosen to plan a cemetery visit at this hour. She simply enjoyed strolling around town in the night as much as Harry did. When he was a teenager, he used to bring one of his dates to the field behind his house, and they had taken long walks under the night sky and made out in his car afterward.

He’d thought it’d been the most romantic experience in his life, until two years ago, when they’d visited her mother’s grave together. That was when he’d realised the cemetery could be romantic. Everything turned romantic when he was with her.

So if she wanted to walk around a graveyard at one in the morning, he would blindly follow, no questions asked.

After finding a safe parking spot, they walked to the tall iron gate that looked like the set of a Hitchcock movie. No one had bothered to polish it since the last time they’d been here, and he guessed no one intended to anyway.

Just like the last time, she snuck through an opening in the fence to get into the cemetery, and he tagged after, his heart thumping loudly. They’d better get to share a cell if they got arrested for trespassing.

It was a little foggy at 1 AM. The air was cold and the grass was damp. They padded across a desolate lot and were careful not to get their shoes dipped into the mud. As they followed the brick pathway, he negotiated his way around the gravestones, trying to keep up because she was walking too fast, like a ghost. The thought made him shiver. Probably not the best comparison to make when they were literally in a cemetery.

After a five minute walk, they finally arrived. Her mother’s headstone stood erect, bathed in light spilt from the ashen moon. Seeing the fresh flowers on the grave, Harry assumed Bradford had just visited his wife today. Y/N had told Harry that her dad came here every week to trim the grass and clean the stone. It was nice how much things had changed since their last visit.

As she squatted down to rearrange the flowers, Harry spotted a newly dug grave nearby and pointed to it, grinning. “Your mum’s getting a new neighbour.”

Y/N put a finger to her lips and shushed him. “Don’t disrespect the dead! They’ll come for you tonight!”

He scoffed at the threat, but as a cold breeze whisked right through his clothes, he immediately cowered to her side, and she doubled over, almost choking on her own laughter.

After giving her mother updates on her book and his Oscar nomination, Y/N kissed her fingers, pressed them against the moonwashed stone and bid her mother goodbye. They followed the same path weaved around tombstones to go back to the opening between the fence. With a feeling of being watched, Harry kept looking behind him as he clung onto Y/N like she was his weapon.

“Don’t look back,” she said. “My mum is following us.”

The shadow of a smile on her lips almost got him running for his life. He swore he’d never do this with her again, knowing for a fact that he would, if she only asked.

Once they returned to their parking spot, they retrieved two cans of Coca-Cola from Y/N’s bag and lay on their backs on the bonnet of his car to watch the stars. His adrenaline from their stroll across the cemetery was finally washed away as he listened to her ranting about her new book.

He wasn’t a writer so he wasn’t qualified to give her any advice. He mostly just listened, and because he knew Y/N didn’t want people’s advice. She vent her frustrations to feel better for a while, and most likely would end up doing whatever felt right to her.

Soon the topic of work bored her out. She extended a hand toward the sky and closed her fingers around nothing as if she was grasping the stars.

“Have you read The Little Prince?”

The random question put a smile to his lips. “The book Alice and Niall couldn’t shut up about during dinner?”

“Yeah.”

He took her hand that was in the air and brought it to his mouth so he could kiss her knuckles. “I have. Why?”

“My mum read it to me when I was little,” she said. “I used to wish I’d lived on the little prince’s tiny planet. All you needed to do was move your chair a few steps and you could see the night sky whenever you liked. We could live in this same moment, over and over again.”

“And never grow older,” his voice softened, and she replied with a quiet hum.

“Wouldn’t that be great?”

He cocked his head to the side and met her softened gaze. But then a hint of worry washed out that dreamy haze, and a line appeared between her brows.

“Do you sometimes wish I was cooler?”

That was a big shift from the story of the little prince. Surprised, he squeezed her fingers gently. “What do you mean? You’re always cool.”

“I mean, cool like...like your friends cool.” She huffed in frustration as she didn’t know how to properly get her point across, but he’d already figured it out.

“You should’ve told me the clip still bothers you,” he said with a frown, and the way she pursed her lips confirmed his speculations. “Bambi…”

“We used to have a lot in common when we were kids.” Her bottom lips trembled as her breaths quickened. “Now our lives are so different. And I’m fine with it, and I know you are too because we love each other. But sometimes it feels like…” She stalled, and with no intention of finishing that sentence, dropped her gaze to her hand in his. “I wish I fit better in your life, so when people see us together they’d just accept it without questioning why.”

“Why do you care what they think, Bambi?”

She bit her bottom lip, thinking for a second. “I’m trying not to. It’s hard.”

A smile stretched his lips as he leaned in, stroked his thumb across her cheek and kissed her mouth lightly. Her lashes fluttered when he pulled away.

“The little prince has a flower, right?” he asked.

“Yes, he has a rose,” she said with a pensive expression. “The only one on his planet.”

He nodded once. “If I remember correctly, she’s a very beautiful flower. She shows off her thorns and puts on a superior attitude, but is actually a sensitive little thing and doesn’t like to expose her vulnerability.”

“Oh no, I’m the flower,” she gasped, making him chuckle.

He brushed her hair out of her face and went on, “When the prince comes to the earth, he finds himself in a garden with hundreds of roses, all as gorgeous as the one he loves.”

She continued for him, “But he still thinks his rose is unique and more important than all of the other roses together.”

“Yes.” He propped himself up on an elbow to lie on his side. “And why is that?”

“Because he loves her, and he knows she loves him, too,” she said while caressing his face with the back of her hand.

“That’s right.” He nodded again. “Most people think the prince is stupid for travelling from planet to planet for a rose, but he doesn’t care what they think. No matter where he is, he always thinks about his little flower. He fell in love with her when he was little and has spent his whole life watering and caring for her. Love comes from investing in other people, isn’t it?”

Her smile widened as she combed her fingers through his hair, and her cheeks bloomed with colours when she drew him in and kissed him deeply. He melted from the intensity of her lips as his hands smoothed down her arm, squeezed her behind, and pulled her as close as he could. The hardness of his body against her softness. Adrenaline coursed through his veins. The butterflies in his stomach. He was spiralling out of control.

“I’m crazy about you,” he muttered against her lips and threaded his fingers in her locks. “I don’t care how different we are. When I first said I love you, I promised I’d stay. So I’m yours as long as you still want me, Bambi.”

The corners of her eyes crinkled as she wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled his cheek. “I want you forever. Can you handle that?”

He drew her closer, and their bodies came flush together. “Forever and ever, baby,” he said before kissing her again.

#my girl series

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ewdaviddd · 4 years

Text

folklore think piece

for a lower case album such as this, i will be writing a lowercase think piece on the subject. i will not explain why. you get it or you don’t.

the 1: i have never been in love or any type of romantic relationship that left me with lasting feelings of any kind. but, on my fourth listen through of this song today, what once was just a promising and fun intro to this peasant girl summer gut punch, brought me to actual tears as i sat on the toilet in my lime green childhood bathroom as if i were mourning the one that got away (another great song). however, i am an expert on being hung up on the past, the “what could have been”, and made up hypotheticals. this song also introduces the film motif seen a lot in this album. i think dating an actor has really gotten to her. anyway what a killer way to begin, top notch stuff. how can a song be so fun and so soul crushing at the same time?

cardigan: when did taylor wear black lipstick? this is important to me. an old cardigan is an inherently bisexual article of clothing. that is not an opinion. i read it somewhere today and i believe it. this is the tip of the queer-coding ice berg in folklore, never fear. another reference, “tried to change the ending / peter losing wendy”. this year i wrote a movie script where both peter and wendy were both gay. coincidence? probably. basically this one is classic taylor poetry on every level and it being one of a trio in a larger story makes it that much better. yet again, high school romance is not a universal experience (like for me for instance) but haunting my “what-ifs” is going to haunt me for a long time. and the thought of someone saying i was their favorite cardigan makes me want to scream into a pillow.

the last great american dynasty: my favorite ts songs have always been the ones with detailed characters and stories and this one introduces the trope of the “mad woman” who comes back later on as well a long with many fun character details. at first this song is just cheeky and cute, very visual, a fun world to jump into. but then this particular stretch of lines makes your heart drop into your chest and reminds you why taylor isn’t just always fun and always cute and always creative, she also holds the ability to nimbly sock you in the gut when you least expect: “fifty years is a long time / holiday house sat quietly on that beach / free of women with madness, their men and bad habits / and then it was bought by me.” my jaw is still on the floor. and i’ve never bought a house myself. but i’ve spent numerous christmases having a marvelous time ruining everything (so i’ve been told) so this song still applies to my life.

exile (ft. bon iver): i’m gonna be honest. for as long as i can remember i have strongly disliked bon iver and i never remembered why. it is a matter of principle at this point. i just don’t trust him. but then taylor announced she wrote a song with him which filled me with tremendous anxiety. but i can rest easy. much like “the last time” this song is a ts and male artist collaboration i can get behind. also the film motif again: the only time i’ve left a theatre when i didn’t like a movie was never because movie tickets are so expensive and if i’m shelling out 11 dollars to sit in a chair, i’m staying the whole time no matter how bad the ending. but i probably would have left my sister’s keeper if i had seen it before if i’m being honest. so i get it. thats why i read spoilers for everything i watch before watching it, because the anxiety of worrying about how it ends make me not enjoy it in the first place. the end of this song: the call and response felt… ethereal? i felt like i was watching a broadway musical from the splash zone seats, crying as i was spat on.

my tears ricochet: this song is what i picture stepping outside in the middle of the night when an inch or so of snow has just fallen and i can see the flakes fall in front of a street light sounds like. or the scorned secret ex lover throwing themselves onto the coffin demanding to know why they weren’t enough. which is to say it feels like a sign from some sort of god. yet again, haunting is brought up, an overt reference to the fact that this album will live in my brain rent free for eternity. for some reason this song reminds me of the relationship between hamilton and burr when burr kills hamilton. that could be because i just watched the disney+ recording last week. one lives, one dies, but neither survive, both pay for it. Which is a super romantic and understanding view on murder. both musical experiences equally chilling and moving. if i die under mysterious circumstances this will for sure be played at the funeral.

mirrorball: first off, this is my mom's favorite which is very important. also, it has skewered a very specific but also universal insecurity of mine; existing just to please others and yet miserably failing. it is comforting that ts is not a “natural’ and feels she must always “try try try” because i too lack natural ability, but also rarely “try” even just the one time. the best way i can describe listening to this song is walking through a silent disco where everyone else is listening to some classic lady gaga jam and you are listening to a calming lullaby sung very far away. but don’t let the soothing sounds fool you. it still will have you reflecting on what it means to look and be looked at. a dark rabbit whole, like falling through the looking glass. i’ve never actually read that book though so i could be wrong.

seven: i’m dumb and on my first listen of this song i thought she “hit her peak” at 7 clock as opposed to age seven. but i always saw taylor swift as someone with an early bedtime. also a fun discovery while writing this, “seven” is the 7th song on the track list. clever. although this song is young and innocent and so nostalgic for a time when screaming ferociously was a widely accepted form of expression, it also sounds like a very old secret someone is whispering to me. a love from long ago that lasts beyond the person being in your life, passed down to me and it all just sounds a little gay. not just because of the specific line to hiding in the closet. but that certainly doesn’t go unnoticed. when i was seven i was definitely in love with girls and assumed that was just what friendship was, playing pirates and making plans of running away together.

august: the eighth track for the eighth month. her mind. also my birth month so that’s special. controversial opinion: from what i’ve read most people seem to think illicit affair is the third song in the triage of teen love. i will strongly make the case that it's actually this one. first of all, the subject: a short lived summer fling, which is specifically mentioned later in “betty”. the central heartbreak of this song is liking someone who always belonged to someone else. yes, this song is a window into a different summer, far from pandemic central and the escapist imagery is delightful. but a whole song from the pov of the “other woman” to james and betty is just so much more fun. and there are two more specific lyrics that prove my point. “remember when i pulled up and said "get in the car”” you will see later comes back from the other person’s perspective. and most of all: the repeated line, “meet me behind the mall”? only teenagers make plans to meet up behind a mall. i rest my case. so now we have cardigan and august. two pieces of the puzzle.

this is me trying: i’m glad i now have a succinct message to send to anyone when they ask me what the hell i’m doing at any given moment. this song just sounds like regret and waste in the most self-assured and confident way. this is “back to december” with the training wheels off. i have no apologies for my efforts at wasting all my potential. but in this song, taylor has opened her arms to me in a warm embrace and has forgiven me for all i’ve done wrong and reminds me to not take for granted the “try”. okay mom. i’m crying again, but okay.

illicit affair: this is the kind of thing that makes you feel sixteen, living in a dull suburb, while secretly screwing your 38 year old married neighbor who’s rich but wants to be an artiste. aka like a character in euphoria or something. it’s sexy and dangerous until you think about it and then it's just dingy and creepy. but this song starts and stays beautiful. most importantly, this song is too sad and depressing frankly, to be a part of the trilogy. we could never forgive james for leaving such a mess and making her a fool. you don’t want to be this girl. you want to walk up to her and shake her and yell “you exist and will not be ruined by any dumb man”. and that’s feminism.

invisible string: is it reductive if i say this one’s about joe? all my non-stan friends have asked me which ones are about him. we forgive them and point them in this direction. because it is lovely and beautiful that we are all tied to our soulmate for our whole lives before we ever meet them (because that would in fact mean that there is someone out there for everyone which might be naive or dumb but i am both of those things and whats the point of living if you don’t believe in the power of love). this honestly gives me “begin again” vibes in the best way. it’s red-era level with the wisdom of lover-era tay. sublime.

mad woman: the second mention of the “mad woman” as both taylor herself and the character in the story. as usual, tay stays calling out double standards and the manipulation of women into “going crazy” for expressing reasonable anger. I, personally, wish i could say “fuck you forever” without someone saying i’m “overreacting”. this is my least favorite song on the album and i’d still listen to it three times in a row and need to resist the urge to set a man’s lawn on fire. just girly things.

epiphany: i know she said this one is about her grandfather’s experience in the military but all i imagine is a slow montage of harry style’s character in “dunkirk” on the beach. and it’s beautiful. and much like my sophomore in high school self reading “all quiet on the western front” it evokes a pain from deep inside me that engulfs a loss i could never describe and a sadness too awful to witness. you will listen to this song and feel absolutely powerless to the will of the universe and it’s cruelty. and the faint but steady heart monitor beep in the background… i’ve never seen “grey’s anatomy” but i can imagine why it has so many fans sobbing. and let me end on this: two soldiers in some old war (meaning both men based on dunkirk) watching each other like this and living and dying together…gay.

betty: the first verse was pulled directly out of my subconscious fantasy of being in love in high school and it being so wonderful and painful and dramatic. and taylor riding a skateboard… is a mood. the song has been out for less than a week and it’s already a cold take to talk about how this is her gayest song to date (close runner-ups being reputation’s “dress” and “cardigan”). but of course i will still talk about it. the lyrics embody such authentic awkward gay energy (see the lesbian in booksmart for reference) and having been a 17 year old only three years ago, i can say with reasonably good authority that no 17 year old straight boy could stand in front of a crowd of peers and beg forgiveness from a girl he hurt. it’s just not realistic. these are all awkward, over-dramatic, young girls stumbling through love. and it’s awesome. james is the speaker of this song, and the subject of “august”, the summer fling that was never truly there due to james’ love for betty, the titular role of this song. thus completing the love triangle. and there are so many obvious references in this song to both “august” and “cardigan”. rhyming cardigan with car again makes me want to light myself on fire in the best way. i love it. “i dreamt of you all summer long” is the final nail in the coffin for the girl in “august” who was clearly just a place-holder. totally separate from taylor swift, my favorite word is porch. so the amount of times it appears in her lyrics is wonderful. say it out loud. it just feels nice. anyway, this song makes me want to be young and dumb and in love. the second can really only be tolerated because of the first and third. i hope the story has a happy-ending. if james were a boy i’d wish him the plague.

peace: the coming-of-age movie starring james and betty (and inez) is over. we have come to “the age” i guess. there’s a thought that’s gonna fester. if this song was just the line, “would it be enough if i could never give you peace?” over and over for four minutes it would still smash me to pulp and fill my body with helium gas. i can and will cause a car wreck when this comes on the aux. if this song is what being grown up is like (bare in mind grown up to me is like, 30) then i’m ready to be done coming of age. because i already worry if i’ll be at all enough for anyone and way too much for someone at the same time. but like all good poetry, this song isn’t about what it “means”, but how it “feels”. and this is new york city, the summer, pouring rain, a long walk home, desperately fearing and hoping they are there waiting for you.

hoax: a one-sided conversation between me and my stubborn clinical depression. i too, constantly stand alone on the cliff demanding a reason. one has not yet been presented. it operates both within and and against me. i could be bigger and stronger than it. but instead i tend to it like a prickly plant. (“no other sadness in the world will do”). there is nothing both sadder and funnier then the scene in “avatar: the last airbender” when prince zuko stands alone on a cliff screaming at the sky for lightning to strike him. i don’t know why this song reminds me so much of that. what a way to end such an emotional rollercoaster. it is so emotionally draining that it simply forces me to start folklore again from the top and listen to it all over again. or take a long therapeutic nap.

there are no skips. and it will still surprise you on your 267th listen. proceed with caution.

i knew you, in a past life maybe. i have not met you yet, but folklore has made me believe you exist.

@taylorswift 10/10 good work

@taylornation this had to be shared and i don’t have a twitter so

#@taylorswift #@taylurking #@taylornation #taylor swift #folklore #ts8

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malakhai-ozera · 4 years

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(( TW: mentions of mental illness, past child abuse, substance abuse, & suicide ))

FULL NAME: Malakhai Brenan Ozera

NICKNAMES: Khai, Mal

AGE: 26

DATE OF BIRTH: November 19th 1993

ZODIAC SIGN: Scorpio

PLACE OF BIRTH: Henderson, Nevada

HOMETOWN: Bradford, England

LOCATION: Kingsboro, Brooklyn, New York City, NY

ETHNICITY: Pakastani/Asian.

NATIONALITY: British, Pakistani, Irish, Asian, American.

RELIGIOUS VIEWS: Agnostic

EDUCATION LEVEL: Graduate High School

OCCUPATION: Business Owner, Musician

MENTAL CONDITIONS: depression, anxiety, PTSD, Bipolar Disorder

PHYSICAL IMPAIRMENTS: wears glasses for reading

ADDICTIONS: Sex, Drugs, Pain, and Smoking.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

HEIGHT: 5′11

BODY TYPE: Slim and defined

EYE COLOUR: Hazel

HAIR COLOUR: Black

STYLE: Khai’s typical look would consist of a t-shirt and jeans (most likely ripped), a pair of boots and a leather or jean jacket. He also likes comfy hoodies and flannels. Although his style differs with his moods, he likes to be comfortable. A bit grungy but also laid back and stylish.

TATTOOS?: He has 60+ tattoos all over his body. ( most of them found here )

PERSONALITY

POSITIVE TRAITS: Dedicated, Compassionate, Empathetic, Creative, Honest, Coquettish, Charming, Adventurous, and Charismatic.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Impulsive, Clingy, Addictive, Insecure, Introverted, Evasive, Indecisive, Stubborn.

WHAT DO THEY CONSIDER TO BE THE BEST AND THE WORST PART OF THEIR PERSONALITY?: He would probably consider the best part of his personality to be, his ability to talk to people. Everyone always feels comfortable around him and opening up to him. His worst part would probably be his ability to self destruct and push people away.

ARE THEY MORE EXTROVERTED OR INTROVERTED?: Introverted.

ANY TALENTS?: Cooking, Singing, Acting, Drawing, Dancing, and Playing piano. He’s also been told he’s very talented with his hands.

WHAT ARE THEIR FEARS?: Not being good enough, Rejection, and Dying.

ANY ALLERGIES?: Liliacs

DO THEY HAVE ANY PHOBIAS?: Atelophobia and Monophobia.

LIST 3 PET-PEEVES THEY CAN’T STAND: Homophobia, Racism, and socks with sandals.

PAST

BEST MEMORY: His mom teaching him how to play piano as a child.

WORST MEMORY: The day his mother and sister committed suicide.

BIGGEST SECRET: He has been beaten and molested his entire childhood.

BIGGEST WISH: Finding happiness.

BIGGEST FEAR: Losing his loved ones

FIRST LOVE : Ella Nazari

ROMANCE & SEXUALITY

SEXUALITY: Bisexual.

TURN ONS: Choking, Slapping, Bondage, Flirting, Biting, Hair Pulling, Dirty Talk, Dom/Sub Play, Exhibitionism.

TURN OFFS: Furies, and Anything involving things that should be done on a toilet.

MISCELLANEOUS

SPEAKING VOICE CLAIM: Zayn Malik

SINGING VOICE CLAIM: Zayn Malik

RELATIONSHIP WITH MOTHER: Despite the fact that his mother remarried a man named Joseph Dagher. Who she would quite literally do anything to appease. Khai was pretty close with his mother. Some may even say he was a bit of a mama’s boy.

MOTHER’S NAME: Lisette Evangeline Brenen Ozera-Dagher.

RELATIONSHIP WITH FATHER: He and his father were never particularly close. Khai constantly sought out for his fathers acceptance and approval but never actually gained it. His father thought of him as a mistake, a loser who was going nowhere with his life and would beat him constantly, usually for no particular reason at all.

FATHER’S NAME: George Yaser Ozera

SIBLINGS: He had five siblings in total. A younger sister named Mackenzie( who deceased at the age of 18) he shared both parents with her. He also has a younger brother and sister with his birth father and new wife, Devon(19) and Doniya(17). And a younger sister and brother with his birth mother and new husband, Esmerey(23) and Parker(18).

PETS: A black lab named Kahlua and a hairless cat named Rajha

FAVORITE PLACE: Pompeii, Italy.

ROLE MODELS: Roman Beckett and Freddy Mercury

FAVORITE ANIMALS: Dogs, Cats, and Tigers.

FAVORITE BOOKS: The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, The Harry Potter books, and Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk.

FAVORITE MOVIES: He doesn’t have a favorite but he enjoys watching horror, mystery, thriller, and paranormal movies

FAVORITE MUSIC: R&B, Pop, and Classic Rock.

FAVORITE FOOD: Samosas

QUIRKS

ARE THEY RIGHT OR LEFT HANDED?: Right

WHAT’S A WORD THAT’S ALWAYS ON THEIR LIPS?: "Definitely”

WHAT LANGUAGES DO THEY SPEAK?: English, and Urdu (but not fluently)

DO THEY CURSE?: Yes.

WHAT’S THEIR WORST HABIT(S)?: Smoking Cigarettes, Weed, and Drinking.

DO THEY DRINK OR SMOKE? HOW FREQUENTLY?: He definitely smokes more than he drinks. But he still does both more often than he probably should.

ARE THEY AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL?: Night owl

HOW TIDY IS THEIR ROOM?: Decent.

HOW LONG TO THEY USUALLY TAKE GETTING READY?: Anywhere between 15 to 30 minutes.

#kingsboro.task #tasks.#about:khai #kingsboro.characterstudy

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dangerstxrlet · 4 years

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On Mary Jane Watson, the Raimi Trilogy, and Struggling with Depression

( So, after rewatching all three of the Raimi Trilogy movies today, I really wanted to put some stuff into writing about the trilogy’s portrayal of Mary Jane and how I feel it shows how some people deal with depression. So...trigger warnings ahead.

So, as we are introduced to MJ in the first Raimi film, we see her portrayed at the start as the ‘ Girl Next Door ‘ that is seemingly perfect in Peter’s eyes. She’s popular, dating Flash Thompson who is likewise one of the most popular people within their school, and is undoubtedly one of the most pined after people within said school. As the movie unfolds, we see that things aren’t always so perfect with MJ. Her home life, in comparison to the stability and warmth that Peter is accustomed to, is hardly anything to brag about; her father is verbally abusive towards her, and her mother, as she is depicted in the movie, is as barely involved in her life as her father is. Every time her father is shown on screen, or mentioned, it is in a negative fashion, and for good reason, as I’ll discuss later on.

A huge theme with MJ throughout all three Spider-Man movies is that she does not have a strong belief in herself. The fact she is embarrassed about working as a waitress, which also happens at the same time as her rejection for a part in a soap opera ( which, as the first movie novelization explains, is brought on because the casting coach is Flash Thompson’s Aunt and rejects her purely because of that, despite the fact she “ was absolutely perfect. “ ). This rejection, in addition to the later criticism of her by both Norman and Harry during the Thanksgiving scene is topped off by Peter’s refusal to be in a relationship with her at the end of the movie. In this, she likely saw Peter’s rejection as the accumulation of everything her father had told her she was throughout a good portion of her life.

This is also important to keep in mind with her acceptance of John Jameson’s proposal in Spider-Man 2, and her fling with Harry in Spider-Man 3. Being with Peter presents a risk, and after taking such a risk at the end of the first movie, Mary Jane does not want to take such a risk and be rejected again. Both John and Harry present ‘ safe ‘ options, and even if she committed to the idea of being with both of them for a good portion of both movies, she ultimately rejects them, realizing that she wants to be with Peter.

Spider-Man 3 presents the strongest evidence of Mary Jane struggling with depression throughout all three movies, and also has said evidence that I wish had been presented in other movies as well better. In reading the bad review of her performance on Broadway, MJ is very upset over the negative review, claiming to Peter that she can hear her father’s voice when she reads them. Despite Peter’s attempts to comfort her in telling her to ‘shake the criticism off’, she is hostile towards these attempts and sees them as Peter not understanding where she is coming from.

Speaking from personal experience, opening up to someone and having them comment that they “understand” is usually more counterproductive than vice versa. At times, venting is exactly that; it’s letting all these emotions out in order to stop bottling them up. While being comforted is an essential part of being with someone who has depression, at times, being comforted isn’t what a person wants. They don’t want to be told that they need to shake things off, or to ignore criticism, or even hear positive things. They want to let out the negative emotions inside them, and just stop fighting things they feel.

How Mary Jane and Peter handle this in the movie, while hard to watch, is also extremely realistic, as someone who has had similar things happen. With feeling like Peter doesn’t understand where she’s coming from, this only makes the later events of Spider-Man 3 hurt worse; the kiss between Peter and Gwen at the key ceremony, the way Peter relates Mary Jane’s feelings of doubt and hurt to what he himself has gone through, it all makes MJ feel as though she herself is isolated and no one understands what she’s going through.This is what makes turning to Harry such an easy option for MJ, because unlike Peter, he listens to her and doesn’t try to make her ‘shake things off’. While this isn’t the ‘right’ choice in the bigger picture, it’s what allows her to come to the decision to break things off with Peter.

So much of Mary Jane’s insecurity comes from perceiving things as a rejection; her family’s rejection of her, the rejections of the soap opera/Norman & Harry/Broadway productions and then Peter rejecting her attempts to be there for him, all make it easier for her to fall into the thinking of ‘ everyone will reject me ‘. Factor in depression stemming from her abusive home life growing up, and it’s clear to me about one thing; Mary Jane Watson in the Raimi Trilogy is far from a one dimensional character and if her struggles with mental illness had been more prevalent in all three movies, rather than a good deal being shoe-horned into the third movie, I believe she would have been received far better than she currently is.

#( i will fucking defend MJ in these movies to death )#( i hope this didn't seem like me rambling )#tw: depression #out of character talk (ooc)#( headcanon )

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smokeybrand · 4 years

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On Stranger Tides

I adore Johnny Depp. He’s one of my all-time favorite actors. Dude’s range is actually really profound, especially considering his beginnings. Depp is one of the few individuals who was able to transition from teen heart-throb into respected Hollywood star. His career is as eclectic as his public personae and i respect that versatility. This sh*t with Amber Heard has kind of derailed his momentum going forward which has made him toxic from a major studio standpoint which is wildly unfair as, with all of this new information coming to light, he’s done nothing wrong. Amber Heard appears to be a violently abusive shrew who’s pathological clout chasing, is only outstripped by her destructive narcissism.That relationship, if you could call it that, caused Depp to lose his flagship franchise: Pirates of the Caribbean.

Depp’s Jack Sparrow is one of the most actualized characters to ever hit theaters. His take on what was little more than an animatronic and an idea, was amazing. Pirates is a really bad ride at Disneyland. Think It’s a Small world with Rum and booty. That idea spawned a franchise that rivals the Fast films and even Harry Potter in social relevancy, all because Jack Sparrow is too dope. All of that, while being a supporting character in his own goddamn films! The first three, the best three, were about the Turners. Those are Will Turner’s stories but they wouldn’t be sh*t without Depp and his take on the worst pirate you ever heard of. Because you have hear of him. Solid writing and great performances made that franchise and Depp lead the way. For him to lose it over a crazy, insecure, disingenuous, clout-f*cker was a crime so when i heard Disney was developing a Pirates 6 and were considering bringing him back, i was ecstatic. The the other she dropped.

It’s been reported that the next Pirates film will be female lead, that Disney wants to more away from Sparrows arc and into something new. As you can imagine, that news was no received well by a certain branch of society for the wrong reasons. The requisite “Muh Pirates” and “No Ma’am” chants have rippled through the internet and it’s a stupid thing to see. Why aren’t we past this yet? Who cares if a franchise has a female lead? Who cares if Pirates has a female lead? As i understand it, Disney ants to explore the Pirates world with Redd, a female animatronic from the ride or whatever. Expand the lore. Broaden the accessibility. Pirates is the perfect franchise to do that. Think abut it; That world is lush for adventure. Mythological creatures, magic, booty, it’s fertile ground for stories and you can probably come up with a ton to share. Plus, some of the greatest pirates throughout history were female. F*cking Anne Bonny and Mary Reed, man. They were not only female, but straight up lesbians. You don’t have to go that deep into it but story with a female pirate, using her wits a guile, quietly outfoxing her competition or pursuers with her feminine talents, is f*cking amazing to me. If Elizabeth Swann can be one of the most hard-body characters in the first trilogy, why can’t we have an actual , female, lead in the next? Redd can be a legend like Mara Jade or Mary Jane Watson.

It’s said that Disney is looking at Karen Gillan for that lead which, i think, is perfect casting. Gillan is also one of my favorite actors working to day but she’s never gotten a real vehicle to shine. She was excellent as Eleven’s companion, Amy Pond but that was a supporting role. She’s outstanding as Nebula in the MCU, especially in Endgame, but, again, supporting role. She had a short lived sting as co-lead in a pretty okay rom-com on TV. I really enjoyed her run in Selfie and feel like it was canned prematurely because white America was uncomfortable watching the burgeoning romance between a Ginger and an Asian. I loved Oculus, all of the Guardian films, The Party’s Just Beginning, and i thought Not Another Happy Ending was cute gut trite. The Jumanji films are okay, a little formulaic for my tastes, but Gillan is easily one of their strengths. With her comedic timing, versatile acting ability, and realistic physicality, Gillan would be the perfect lead for an action comedy like a Pirates film. The problem i see, and the problem with a lot of these female “reboots” is the writing.

You have to write a great character for Karen to play, not because she can’t turn schlock into gold, but because Depp was so brilliant as Sparrow. Gillian’s Redd will immediately be compared to Depp’s sparrow. Hell, we’re already seeing that happen now. Trust your actor to deliver a classic character, for sure. I trust Gillan can bring a life and identity to anything written for her. I haven’t seen all of her portfolio, but i have seen enough to be confident in her skills. The problem is i feel like Disney will fall int the trap of written girl-Jack. Don]t do that. Let Redd be her own character. Let Karen create her own characters. You don’t necessarily have to move away from the physical nature of the Sparrow’s character, a lot of his charm is the way he’s always moving, always plotting, but definitely find a way to make that type of sh*t Redd’s own. Female doesn’t mean bad, it means different and, as a writer, the possibilities of creating that difference are amazing to me. That’s pure creativity right there, you just have to have the balls to pull the trigger on something new and not rest on the laurels of what came before.

As long as people understand that Pirates 6 is it’s own thing, i don’t think anyone will care. The Pirates films aren’t numbered, they have sub-titles so differentiating continuity should be easy. Personally, i think Gillan would kill in that type of roll and look forward to whatever Disney manufactures, as long as the story is passable and the characters are strong. The only way this fails is if the Mouse House pusses out and just turned Jack Sparrow into a Female Ginge. At that point, the neck-beards and basement dwellers would be right in their outrage. Please don’t make the Incels right, Disney. Please. If you go the route of making Redd the main character in the next arc of your Pirates franchise and cast Karen in the lead role, please give her something to work with. Please make her story as compelling as Jack’s. Karen deserves at least that much and i am confident Redd can be every bit as dope as Jack. If you do right by her.

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zahra-hydris · 5 years

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ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ + little things + OC BODY LANGUAGE

I was tagged by @thomasrushed for the first two and @denerims for the last, so I figured I’d do them both for ashara tal while I wait for destiny to update!

TAGGING: well @thomasrushed for the body language bit and @denerims for the character and little things! and @isaviel, @queenqueso, @goodsprings, @attcnos, @lyriumnug and @rannochs for all or whatever they choose.

↠ Your muse’s name: ashara tal. ↠ One favorite picture/faceclaim you have of your muse:

↠ Two headcanons you have for your muse:

one ) despite being my first and ‘main’ guardian that I play, she’s not actually ‘the guardian’, the main hero of the destiny stories. she’s not the one who storms the black garden or stops the red war (that’s kima). she’s not the one who takes down oryx or accompanies cayde on his final mission (that’s esmeralda, but ashara plays a significant role in the first of those stories). she’s been around for a looooooooooong time, been involved in many key events of the city’s history, but her greatest adventure is one that no-one knows about. essentially, I’ve always headcanoned her as an npc, one that the guardian meets during d1 and eventually returns to the tower after the taken war.

two ) she’s always been a ‘natural’ voidwalker. it came far easier to her than solar and arc energies and her abilities always felt stronger when void-touched. her and ikora have pondered on why it is, but there’s also an unspoken acknowledgement between them that perhaps it’s not something to dwell on too much.

↠ Three things that your muse loves doing in their free time: one ) she’s always been fascinated by the hive and now, the taken. (she used to research under toland on the former. but she eventually realised that he was a reflection of her worst tendencies - obsessive, far too fascinated with understanding the hive than combating them, and, well, kind of an arrogant dick - so she left to do something with the knowledge they had accumulated... and joined the first fireteams on the moon). it led her to perhaps the most significant (traumatizing) experience of her second life, so since then, she’s spend a considerable amount of time trying to understand what happened to her and what to do about it. while this takes up much of her reading/writing/listening time, she does try to make time to seek out the latest warlock scholarship. and then try and debate ikora on it. god, she loves debating ikora.

two ) she’s a foodie so her greatest city-based pleasure is hunting out new and old restaurants and food stalls. her and cayde have (had?) a list of Good Ramen Places. but her deepest love is ice cream and there is One (1) place that owns her heart (and near-daily patronage). she’s kind of a snob about it.

three ) zavala. seriously, though, since resparking their relationship after her return to the tower, they rarely get to spend any alone time together so ashara spends far too much energy and effort trying to maneouvre things around to create it. even when not alone, she’s comforted by his presence and likes to be physically near him even when doing something else. (little headcanon: as an npc, she’s located on the top level over near where the purple ball appears? she can see zavala from there and look out over both the city and the wilderness behind)

↠ Seven people your muse loves/likes

her long-time lover, zavala.

her old friend/debate opponent, ikora.

her ghost, penumbra (penny).

one of her former mentors, osiris. (though it’s... complicated)

her ramen buddy, cayde.

her new source for hive info, eris morn. (though ‘like’ might be too strong a word for their weird relationship.

her ‘cousin’/favourite person to quiz about the awoken, petra venj.

↠ A phobia your muse has being alone in hive-infested spaces.

ʟ ɪ ᴛ ᴛ ʟ ᴇ ᴛ ʜ ɪ ɴ ɢ s.

DEFENSIVENESS.

arms crossed on chest / crossing legs / fist-like gestures / pointing index finger / karate chops / stiffening of shoulders / tense posture / curling of lip / baring of teeth

REFLECTIVE.

hand-to-face gestures / head tilted / stroking chin / peering over glasses / taking glasses off — cleaning / putting earpiece of glasses in mouth / pipe smoker gestures / putting hand to bridge of nose / pursed lips / knitted brows

SUSPICION.

arms crossed / sideways glance / touching or rubbing nose / rubbing eyes / hands resting on weapon / brows raising / lips pressing into a thin line / strict, unwavering eye contact / wrinkling of nose /narrowed eyes

CONFIDENCE.

hands behind back / hands on lapels of coat / steepled hands / baring teeth in a grin / rolling shoulders / tipping head back but maintaining eye contact / chest puffed up / shoulders back / arms folded just above navel / wide eyes / standing akimbo

INSECURITY & ANXIETY.

chewing pen or pencil / rubbing thumb over opposite thumb / biting fingernails / biting lips / hands in pockets / elbow bent / closed gestures / clearing throat / “whew” sound / picking or pinching flesh / fidgeting in chair / hand covering mouth whilst speaking / poor eye contact / tugging pants whilst seated / jingling money in pockets / tugging at ear / perspiring hands / playing with hair / swaying / playing with pointer/marker/cane / smacking lips / sighing / rocking on balls of feet / flexing or cracking fingers sporadically

ANGER & FRUSTRATION.

short breaths / “tsk” sounds / tightly-clenched hands / fist-like gestures / pointing index finger / rubbing hand through hair / rubbing back of neck / snarling / revealing teeth / grimacing / sharp-eye glowers / notable tension in brow / shoulders back, head up – defensive posturing / clenching of jaw / grinding teeth / nostrils flaring / heavy exhales

#ashara tal #god i just realised that i've been playing ashara in various forms and over the ps3/4 and pc for YEARS #and it was about halfway through my first run of d1 that i realised she wasn't 'the guardian' for me #god she has layers upon layers of headcanon lmao #destiny

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nightcoremoon · 5 years

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wow the chronicles of narnia the lion the witch and the wardrobe is written about as "well" as most children's literature is because it literally is children's literature. I have literally read a crossover between Harry Potter, Invader Zim, and Tales Of Symphonia by a thirteen year old and it was fucking incredible. I have literally read a crossover between Jak & Daxter, Spyro, Sly Cooper, Crash Bandicoot, and Ratchet & Clank by a thirteen year old and it was also fucking incredible. I have literally read a three part 600K words modern day high school UK AU of Avatar The Last Airbender where Zuko and Katara were obsessed with Stephen King's The Dark Tower series and bands like Paramore and Papa Roach and it was probably the best thing I've literally ever read in my entire life. And the author was only fourteen.

dear fledgling writers who feel sad that their works "aren't as good" as "real" authors like cs lewis and jrr tolkien and ursula k le guin and jk rowling and chris paolini and rick riordan and james patterson and ray bradbury and john green and kurt vonnegut and stephen king and suzanne collins and douglas adams and lemony snicket and se hinton and veronica roth and fuck it I'll even add stephenie meyer to the list:

I can guaranfuckingtee you that if you actually read some of their works you'll see that the only differences between you and them is that they finished writing their books.

the lion the witch and the wardrobe has way too fast of a pace and too much expositional infodumping and too much "x said y then x said y then x said y". tolkien had way too much worldbuilding and lore and linguistics getting in the way of the stories. harry potter is not that great from a mechanical standpoint even if I'm completely disregarding jk's mass quantity of social fuckups. eragon is just okay (although eldest and brisingr got exponentially better but if you think about it that's because he kept on writing). the lightning thief is just okay (and again the series got exponentially better as rick kept writing). patterson is just not that good of a writer (like dean koontz and nora roberts). most of bradbury's writings sucked because they were just propaganda pieces for his own personal beliefs but he literally wrote an entire book every single day for years and when you have that much practice it's literally impossible to actually write anything bad, just mediocre at best. stephen king had a dozen amazing books but for each amazing one there were three or four "meh" ones. the hunger games was a bit clunky & rough at the beginning of the trilogy. douglas adams focused more on humor than on substance and luckily he's actually hilarious. a series of unfortunate events prided itself on coasting on plot contrivances and people being dumbasses to an unrealistically absurd degree and never explaining a single goddamn thing to the audience and never actually having an ending [and even when he did write an actual ending where everyone died it still made no fucking sense because why in the unholy fuck did beatrice become romantic with her uncle lemony? unless it really was actually the fucking baudelaire's mom he was pining for even though that timeline makes no fucking sense because when they were in the vfd they literally weren't even living in the same state AUGH] and so full of plot holes but that was ~part of the charm~. the outsiders was just a straight (haha pun) fucking mess. divergent is famously known for being way overrated and lacking in actual substance. twilight was too slow and dry and fucking MORMON to be at all enjoyable until new moon and even then it was a pile of abusive and ableist and self righteous garbage with a few good subplots, and so on.

now, each of those authors are talented and have written good books, and I won't speak ill of their talents, and am in fact a huge fan of at least half of them, and I at least respect the rest because they work their asses off to make content for their hungry fans. but it just goes to show that books don't have to be perfect. they don't have to be polished and meticulously well crafted and comb a thesaurus and follow every single grammatical construct to the letter and juggle tropes perfectly and stand for important messages and otherwise be anything other than stories to share with people.

and of course there's lots of shitty fanfiction. I've read a lot of shitty fanfiction. I mean shit I've WRITTEN a lot of shitty fanfiction. and I mean irredeemably unsalvageable to the point that I literally don't even wanna know that they exist. I've read things that were so godawful I literally gave up halfway through, purged from my memory, found again, and was punched in the face from the suppressed memories of just how painful it was to read. and I can say the same exact thing about some original fiction I won't mention by name because that would be mean. what I mean by the first paragraph is that those are the epitome of cringe culture in young teens writing, and yet in spite of that were all still masterpieces in their own right.

being a good writer isn't about whether it's original or fanfic. it isn't about whether you're as good as the multimillionaires. it's about saying fuck it and writing regardless of whether other people will like it because those stories belong to you. and you'll never know if the world will love it or if you'll be the next charles dickens or jane austen unless you tell that voice in your head "fuck you, I AM good enough!", put the hypothetical finger to the metaphorical typewriter keys, and WRITE YOUR BOOK.

now of course, your first book will be a mess. but that's called drafting. analyze what's wrong, fix what you can, change what you can't, add more or take some away to fix the pacing, GET A SECOND PERSON TO BE AN EDITOR, but most importantly of all, NEVER GIVE UP. giving up is a 100% chance of never being an author, but trying? it's at least 1%. so if you write a hundred books then statistically at least one of them will be awesome.

just don't compare yourself to other writers. instead, draw inspiration from them.

you miss all the shots you don't take. so don't let the fear of missing keep you from aiming at the target.

and remember:

every master author started off as a beginner.

just like you.

and look, as long as you're better than my immortal and phanslash's hat fic and the my little pony cupcakes creepypasta, then you're fucking golden.

every meh story you write is one step closer to your anna karenina, your war & peace, your moby dick, your pride & prejudice, your jane eyre, your great gatsby, your to kill a mocking bird, your beowulf, your tale of gilgamesh and enkidu, your odyssey, your don motherfucking quixote.

you might not write the greatest book in the world but if that's your goal, your passion is in the wrong place. but if you wanna write that novel so you can say "hey world, I wrote a fucking book, and I'm proud of it. what did you do?" then don't let insecurity drag you under. don't worry about inferiority. just write.

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bugheadfamily · 6 years

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This week the spotlight is on Anna ( @writeradamanteve )! Click the read more link below to get to know our member!

Spotlight by Mila, @jughead-jones | Graphic by Katie, @betty-cooper

Anna | @writeradamanteve

Name: Anna

Age: 40

Location: New Jersey

Any other languages aside from English people can contact you in?: Filipino.

Favourite Riverdale characters and ships?: Aside from Betty and Jughead, I do love the awfulness of Cheryl Blossom and spitfire that is season 1 Veronica.

Cheryl Blossom is unapologetically terrible, and in real life, I would absolutely HATE her, but there’s something to be said about a woman who just goes all in. I get that hardness in her, and I like it that she admires others for it, too. That Toni brings out her soft side is a plus, but I would prefer that she stays true to her character outside of her romantic relationship.

Season 1 Veronica Lodge was a champion of women. I loved that about her. I may not have bought the whole “Betty is my best friend” assertion, but I did like that she was doing it to make amends for her past. S1!Veronica wanted to do better and she looked at Betty and thought Betty was a good person to hang out with to further that. Veronica as a person is methodical. Deliberate. And those are characteristics that can be both good and bad. I like it that Veronica can go both ways. I also mean that in a very gay way. No amount of her sleeping with Archie will convince me that her character can’t be bi. I can’t even say I hate her in season 2. She seemed a little lost there, but she was deciding between her family and her principles. For a while she thought that both could coexist, but when she realized in the end that it couldn’t, she broke away. That’s badass.

As for Betty and Jughead, I have at least 500K worth of words in fanfic that expresses the many ways I love them. But to be clear:

I love Betty for being so steadfast in her beliefs. She may have her insecurities when it comes to how she looks and what her mother may think of her, but when it comes injustice and friends endangering themselves for sex, she isn’t going to let anyone prevent her from doing the right thing. She is a go-getter, from saving Pop’s to saving her relationship (especially when Jughead was pulling away from her). She is a master at wielding household items — a skill, we learned, she got from Alice, who’s clearly handy with a lamp. She’s kinky, and she can be scary stone cold — forcing Cheryl to testify the truth with blackmail, watching Jughead punch Chic in the face without flinching, drowning a man to get him to confess to his sins (although ask me some other time about the morality and racial undertones of that, as that is an entirely different conversation). But she also deeply values her relationships. She cares for her loved ones so much, friend or family. That makes her so strong.

Let me tell you the many Jugheads I love: Soft!Jughead, Smughead Jones, Curious Jones, Snowflake!Jughead, ProudBF!Juggie, and even HaplessSerpent!Jughead. I like him best when he’s writing and when he’s making literary references in regular conversation. I love how sarcastic he could be and how his transition from loner weird kid in Riverdale High to popular serpent prince in Southside High tugs at my heartstrings and makes me mad, too. Like Betty, he cares fiercely for the people he loves. His need to belong becomes real to him, after he tried to deny it for so long. As much as we all have our issues with Season 2 Jughead, it added certain dimensions to Jughead that I love to write about in fanfic.

Favourite moments from S1 & S2?: I think I loved most of season 1, but the moments that stood out to me most were these: When Betty was dancing happily in her Cheerleading uniform, when Betty and Jughead were searching Jason’s room and got caught, when Jughead and Betty went to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy together, when Betty rushed to SSH to save Jughead only to find him laughing at the lunch tables with his newfound friends, when Veronica stood up for Betty at the tryouts, when Veronica showed Cheryl compassion, when the girls all banded together to make Chuck suffer the consequences of his misogyny (again, I have words for this, but mostly — why only him? His wasn’t the only name on that playbook), when Cheryl calls people names, when Jughead protected Betty from her vandalized locker, and of course, when Jughead climbed Betty’s bedroom window. While I can’t get enough of Jughead throwing Betty against the kitchen counter, I have to admit I still loved those other scenes a whole lot more. That said, I will still hope for what I mention in question #7.

Season 2 — ah, my goodness. I don’t need to explain how S2 broke my heart in so many good and bad ways. While there were some golden moments, I think most of us are in agreement that there were so many things that could’ve been done better. However, I STILL do have favorite scenes in this Hell Season: Jughead running the gauntlet was amazing, Betty working on Reggie’s car, the entire street race sequence, every time Betty uses a household object to save people (a shovel, a rolling pin, a poker), Jughead and Betty disposing of the car--from her house to the swamp, that entire episode of “The Wicked and the Divine”, Cheryl and Toni finding one another, and the hunger strike scenes.

What are your hopes for S3?:

Bughead summer sex montage.

MOAR Bughead Detective Agency.

A slammin’ Riverdale Parents Flashback episode.

Joaquin stays and Kevin gets better with love and BDE.

Kevin and Josie becoming step-siblings.

Reggie and Sweetpea being half-brothers.

Veronica being the Speakeasy Queen.

Cheryl stirring trouble (even if I know I’ll hate her for it).

Archie getting a clue.

Other fandoms you’re into?: My thing is that I don’t usually fan hard on more than one thing. My past fandoms were Harry Potter, Teen Titans, Anime (many of them at once), Cowboy Bebop, X-Files, Star Trek Voyager, and Firefly. At present, I love Star Wars (all of them — eh, except maybe for Episodes 1, 2, and 3), Wonder Woman, and all the Marvel movies.

What are some of your favourite movies/TV?: Classics: Galaxy Quest, Tropic Thunder, Labyrinth, The Princess Bride, Forest Gump, The Matrix, Constantine, Clueless, The Breakfast Club, Transformers: The Animated Movie, Snatch, Firefly, Veronica Mars, Supernatural (Seasons 1 - 5), X-Files;

Most Recent: Pacific Rim, Black Panther, Wonder Woman, Rogue One, Ready Player One, Anne with an E, Daredevil, Luke Cage, Jessica Jones, Anthony Bourdaine’s old and new series.

Favourite books?: There are so many, fam, but here are the ones that first come to mind:

Harry Potter 1 - 6 (yeah, sorry, not a huge fan of the 7th)

Emma by Jane Austen

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

All of Louisa May Alcott’s books

All of Sharon Shinn

All of L.M. Montgomery

Anne Marston’s Rune Blade Trilogy

Barb and J.C. Hendee’s Noble Dead Saga

The Infernal Devices Trilogy (Cassandra Clare)

A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray

All of Zilpha Keatley Snyder books

All of Paula Danziger books

Juliet Naked by Nick Hornby

Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer

The Unlikely Disciple by Kevin Roose

The Monster of Florence by Douglas Preston and Mario Spezi

The Terror by Dan Simmons

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Misery by Stephen King

Favourite bands/musicians?: I shall date myself, thanks:

Queen

Guns & Roses

Metallica

Nikki Minaj

Cardi B

Imagine Dragons

One Republic

The Killers

Lily Allen

Cake

Eminem

Amy Winehouse

Sting

If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?: Harry Potter, no doubt. I would like to live in a world that relies on magic. I would like to go to a magical school like Hogwarts. I would love to fight in a resistance to overthrow an evil sorcerer. Plus, I would really, really love to meet Hermione.

Favourite food?:

Ramen (the real stuff, not the dried instant ones)

Banh Mi

Bun bo Hue

Sushi

Filipino Food — particularly Adobo

Tacos

Mangos and strawberries

Favourite season?: Summer.

Favourite plant?: This is an odd question to me as I don’t have a favorite plant. They are just there and sometimes they give me grief when I have to tend to the outside of my house because they’ve gotten unruly on some level (like — Fall, why do you have to discard your leaves all over my grounds?)

Favourite scent?: Baby’s breath, food, and freshly changed bed sheets.

Favourite colour?: Victorian pink.

Favourite animal?: Cats and Owls (I am definitely a witch by heart).

Are you a night owl, an early bird, or a vampire?: I sleep late and wake up early. I am an old person who can go on 5 hours of sleep.

Place you want to visit?: Portugal or Prague is next on my list.

Do you have pets? If you do, tell us a little about them: I have two pets. Pootie is a cat. He is a gray tuxedo. He loves me best, but he also hangs around my eldest child a lot. Every once in a while, he bothers my husband. Bob is a hermit crab. Bob bores the hell out of me and I am equal parts terrified that I will find him dead in his cage and tired that I am still taking care of him. His previous companions, Larry and Curly, have perished. When I found them dead, I screamed. Hermit crabs are creepy as fuck when they leave their shells, like I can’t stand them that way. I don’t know why I am stuck taking care of Bob, but he’s here, he is under my care, and God help me, he’s a stubborn bastard.

Tell us a little about yourself?:

For work, I’m a web producer/web developer, and I maintain about 20 sites for my company.

I used to work in publishing.

I went to law school and quit.

I eventually married my high school sweetheart and now we have 3 children.

I was always attracted to women, too, but growing up, I was too afraid to come out as bi. It still intimidates me, coming out to new people now. Most times, I just let them draw their own conclusions.

Fun or weird fact about you?: There’s nothing weird about me that you don’t already know. Fun fact: I kickbox in the nearby UFC gym, and one time, I was practicing with Tai pads with a dude who kicked me in the leg by accident — he just “grazed” me, really. I TRIED VERY HARD to pretend that I was alright. That night, my leg was swollen, and three months later, I saw that same dude fighting in the octagon on TV.

Asks for fanfic authors:

How long have you been writing?: 20 years.

Which is your favourite of the fics you’ve written?: That is impossible to answer. Truly. So I’m going to close my eyes over a list of my stories and where my finger lands, that’s my fave. It’s Drive.

Favourite fic/chapter/plot-point/character you’ve ever written?: This is even harder.

Polly’s character arc in Wicked. I really love how I fleshed her out in that story

The development of Kevin and Jughead’s friendship in Harvest to Home

Jughead’s relationship with Archie and Jellybean in Drive.

Betty’s story arc in Drive.

The twists and turns of Wicked.

The rich ambience of Harvest to Home.

Betty and Cheryl’s friendship in Harvest to Home.

The text conversation in Drive.

Sweet Pea’s background character in Drive.

Cheryl’s character in Wicked.

The car chase scene in Drive.

The hotel scene in Cowboy Jones.

The Peitho kitchen scene in Cowboy Jones.

Which was the hardest to write, and why?: Wicked was hard to write. I had set out to write this story with the twists and turns in mind, and those twists were interlaced. I had to set stuff up all throughout the beginning and middle so that the end would make sense. It was also harder because of Season 2. The background of those episodes in contrast with what I had in mind tended to make me nervous about reader expectations. Like when Hal was suddenly the Black Hood on Riverdale, it felt odd to not make him so terrible in Wicked.

One of the hardest chapters I had to write was a chapter written in Cheryl’s POV. Delving into her psyche was a difficult switch to turn on and at some point, I was doubting whether I can do it, but I did it and there it was. And I don’t regret it at all.

How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? (examples: Do you draw inspiration from real life? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?) Do you have an process to your writing?: Inspiration is different every time.

For Harvest to Home, I wanted to write a fic about a very domestic Betty who made beautiful things. While I was writing that fic, I was deeply into the show Fixer Upper because we had just moved into our own new home. I was absolutely inspired by the designs I saw on TV and our need to decorate our home. I wanted Betty to be so good at it that she wrote a blog about home making. I had a lot of inspiration for that as well, since in the publishing company I used to work for, I worked with a lot of chefs and homemakers who published books.

For Drive, I was inspired by images of Mechanic!Betty at the start of Season 2. I think I may have seen a couple of fics inspired by the movie Baby Driver, where Jughead drove the getaway cars, and honestly, I got a little mad that Betty was never the driver. So I wrote the damn thing, and suddenly, Jughead was drag racing in Season 2. I wrote that fic with a lot of alternative music in the background. I usually started my chapters with the lyrics of those songs that inspired me.

For Wicked, I started writing it for Halloween and it basically grew too large of an idea to make it to Halloween of that year. I was also hesitant about how the fandom would receive a fic where Betty was a witch. Then there came that article about how Alice was possibly a Spellman. WELL THEN.

Cowboy Jones was absolutely inspired by the Camp Bughead prompts. I figured since I hadn’t been driven out of the fandom by torches and pitchforks because of Wicked, I’d try for some sci-fi, a genre I really love. I aimed to misbehave with Cowboy Jones, so I told myself that this was going to be my smuttiest work yet. I had also put out an X-Files inspired bughead short called The Truth is Here for that same prompt.

I answered the question about my writing process here and some more about character development here.

Idea that you always wanted to write?: Kitchen Confidential type story, where Jughead is an asshole chef who is determined to make his restaurant succeed. Betty becomes his sous chef and shows him a thing or two about cooking and about life.

Favourite character to write?: Betty and Jughead, no doubt.

Best comment/review you’ve ever received?: Well, there are so many commenters who have been so fantastic, but my favorite comments come from those who want to have a discussion with me, mostly because I like to reply to all commenters to express my gratitude and it’s easier to reply when I can pick up a conversation.

Best and worst parts of being a writer?: Best part is finishing a chapter and posting it. Worst part is getting flamed. I have been fortunate enough to have a welcoming group of readers here, but I’ve had my share of flames in other fandoms. I always try to dig deep for something constructive in them — there always is something that can be so useful to my writing, but man, those are TOUGH to handle sometimes.

Do you have any advice to offer?: Few things:

Don’t let fear rule your life. Embrace that fear and get to know it. Find out what makes it frightening, then overcome it.

Practice. That is the only thing that will make you better at anything.

Learn from failure. It’s a bitch of a teacher but it’s the best lesson you’ll ever have.

Find work that you love. It always pays.

This is the eleventh installment of Bughead Family’s Member Spotlight series. Each week, a member’s url is selected through a randomizer and they will be featured in a spotlight post. In order to participate, please join the Bughead Discord (more information found here). Thank you.

#bughead #riverdale #bughead fanfiction #bughead family discord #bugheadfamily #member spotlight

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toasttz · 5 years

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How to make games: RPGs

Hey! You like RPGs, right? If you don't I have to wonder how the hell you found FAN, given our two most-active subboards being vidya and tabletop RPGs, but, whatever! Let's, for the sake of argument, assume you like RPGs. If you don't, fuck off, Greg! ... I don't know anyone named Greg, I just wanted to see if I could screw with people named Greg. Anyways, RPGs, like the houses in Harry Potter, come in four distinct flavors: traditionalist, gonzo/comedy, h-game, and "Inspired by EarthBound/The Mother Trilogy". And much akin to Harry Potter, only two of these houses actually fucking matter and the other two are just hangers-on of different genres and ages. If you're going to waste the player's time by making your H-game an RPG, you are going about it entirely wrong. Please stop dumping this unabashed garbage-fire of a subgenre on Steam, the market is beyond saturation point and requires arm floaties to compensate. And for those of you who played/know of EarthBound and want to make a "spiritual successor"... just stop. Please for the love of God, stop. There never really was a demand for this kind of thing and EarthBound was not a commercial success, so just stop if you have any humanity left in you. I don't think I can stomach anymore fucking quirkiness after the last installment - anymore stuffed down my gullet and I'm gonna shit out a My Hero Academia OC next time my bowels move. So, in truth, you have two flavors of RPG: the traditionalist and the comedian routes and both can be equally terrible. Traditionalist RPGs range from the swords-n-sorcery setting found in Ultima, Dragon Quest, and good Final Fantasy installments to the sci-fi, cyberpunk, steampunk, and emo shit found in bad Final Fantasy installments - it's a wide gauntlet. The only prereq is that you take your own storytelling relatively seriously, with some level of gravity involved in the overall major story beats. Since traditionalist RPGs are made by people with crippling insecurities about change, and the game will largely succeed or fail on the quality of its characters, I'll go ahead and make your cast for you. I'll avoid giving them names so you can customize them: I mean, some people like their fantasy heroes to be named something like "Bulk McUlraeoth Sword Arm of Jupiter" and some people like their fantasy protags to be named "Jim". Who am I to judge your self-insert fanfiction? Sword McHero Man - The guy with short brown or black hair and a generic face done by a B-list manga-ka and, depending on if you want to make him a chillaxed everyman or an edgy edgelord, you can add or subtract belts, zippers, pouches, and black clothing items according to need. He'll almost always use a generic one-handed sword and have fairly short hair. If your game strongly favors an element system, he'll be either fire or light-affinity, but not have any actual strong convictions beyond the fact that he hates 'bad guys' and probably gets his head dunked in toilets by at least 3 NPCs in the starting town. Anything else about him is ultimately superfluous and interchangeable with the next Sword McHero Man over. Childhood McBestfriend - Oftentimes a female foil to the above, but not required by law to be so. Sometimes this doubles as Sword McHero Man's Suave Cool McLancer. They will usually fill a supplementary combat role in the party, either the thief or the healbot as the story requires. If they are the love interest, they are required to be Worst Waifu(TM) by law and be replaced as soon as a competent party member fills out the roster. Typically wind or water elemented in nature, they'll either help calm the hero-man down if he is the hotblooded sort, or cheer him up if he's currently got his head dunked in a toilet. Suave Cool McLancer - Either a rival or thematic foil of the hero and maybe a rival for Childhood McBestfriend's affections, depending on story necessity. He will be a more specialized unit, either the rogue, the heavy-armor knight, or the attack mage. If male, this character will be Best Hasbando and be incredibly pretty or horrifically scarred and/or disfigured with no potential in-betweens. If female, uncommon but not unheard-of, she'll be the team's big sis figure and likely the most powerful, physically speaking. Potential for Best Waifu(TM) is high, but can also potentially double as Back McStabberton. Back McStabberton - The dark, angsty, clearly-untrustworthy one who the player will see their betrayal coming from a mile off, but will completely blindside the naive heroes. Usually they'll have stats inconsistent with the party (being either over or under-powered depending on context) and clash with their bright, anime-esque color scheme by wearing blacks or dark purples. Either a thief or attack mage of some flavor. Almost universally a male or a "devilish handsome rogue" if they get redeemed at some point. If female, they will always be DOUBLE AGENTS acting with the hero's own good in mind and will promptly be forgiven. Usually dies before the game is out. Grandpa McTeacherperson - Some plot-pivotal character who exists to either give the party a special tool, weapon, or ability they wouldn't have gotten otherwise, or elsewise transfer their own talents to the party in some fashion. Virtually irrelevant as characters since these exist exclusively as jaded props to die off to make the villains' actions more personal. Please stop using this archetype or at least TRY to subvert it into something interesting, you talentless lazy fucks. Sexy McFaceTurn - Invariably one of the bad guy's hot ladies will see a boyish charm in the hero, even if the hero is supposed to be projected upon and therefore would actually have the social skills of a duck - or worse, me. What? I did that joke already? Fuck you, this joke's still more inspired than the Tales games RPGs. Anyways, upon getting wet for the hero, she will abandon her post and all its luxuries and join the party, clad in tight, black leather and probably using either knives or whips and will be your prereq dark-affinity character. She will be the sex appeal your game sells on, so be sure to slap her on all your promo materials even though she doesn't join until the mid-late game. Male versions of this idea die. I can't explain it - it's some straight-up Mr. Poofers dark magic, they just die. Annoying McMascot - Your game needs something bizarre to round the party out with. A talking dog is common. A fantasy creature with bright neon colors is also acceptable. Just make sure that players hate it with every fiber of their being. If the design alone isn't enough, give it an annoying speech habit - like a verbal tic or a lisp - and have it talk a lot and repeat the obvious a lot. It is by law that this must be implemented. However, unlike any of the above, this, coupled with the hero, cannot be killed off. And that should more or less do ya, unless you're the type who wanted to pour dozens upon dozens of dudes into your game. In which case, congrats, you understand that doing the absolute base minimum to be called a "game" isn't the bar you should be shooting for and therefore are already on your way to being better than Squeenix. Next, you need to get to codin'! So go on Steam and buy the latest RPG Maker software when it goes on sale. You won't need to wait long, between the Summer and Winter sales. Once you have that, you already have built-in art, music, and character makers. Fuck it - creativity is hard, so let the software tend to that itself. Make some characters and name some locations, jot up a map with some landmarks and treasure, then make a bad guy. Bad guy making is easy, they all wear black or dark reds and purples and tend to always call themselves "The [Whatever] Empire". You don't even need to be arsed to make a motivation for their evil schemes. Have you seen how much Fire Emblem Fates raked in just on the goodwill left over from Awakening? I'm surprised JRPGs aren't made by fucking algorithm these days! Anyways, that just about does it for the traditional RPG. Comedy RPGs aren't quite as bound to the above and are, in fact, encouraged to break the mold. If you need some ideas to get the creative juices flowin', there's a game you can try out, you might have heard about it since I haven't stopped fellating the damn thing since I did the LP back in 2013: Hourai High. Your plot doesn't need to make sense and is better off if any causality is merely coincidental. Your characters shouldn't really be trying to 'save the world', per se, but should do so by side-effect of their selfishness and/or incompetence. Your team should have robots, aliens, fucking CheetahMen, I don't fucking know, but take everything I said above this paragraph and throw it into a shredder, make it confetti, and wail on established convention! Sweet fucking mother - BE CREATIVE. I'm gonna temporarily break facade here for just a second and say this: you know how you bitched about Final Fantasy 15? How it's a fucking boyband music video with a fucking car commercial crammed in it?! How you hated the hallway simulator of FF13? How no one bought Bravely Second? How Dragon Quest keeps getting away with remaking the same fucking game?! Here's your chance. Flaunt on the establishment. Fuck what is "popular". Make something new. Don't try to be Shigesato Itoi. Do your own thing. Break the conditioning. Get out there and make a fucking game. Make it so when people say "RPG Maker Title" on Steam, they aren't saying it like it's a four-letter word. Put some God-damn soul into it, people! And now, off the soap box. Bonus points if you add a dating sim. Just saying. Rune Factory 5 just got announced. Now, get to work. Congrats. You now know how to be the most fucking boring milquetoast thing on the planet and how to avoid that ass-cancer and do something that actually expresses your individuality and possible talent. This is the one time I'm allowing these rants to be somewhat uplifting. You're welcome.

#satire #comedy #RPG #video games #games

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heyyyharry · 5 years

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Chapter 9: Three’s A Crowd

(from the Flatmate Trilogy: Two Hearts, One Home)

…in which Harry learns a big lesson, and Y/N cannot tolerate his assistant.

Word count: 6.4k

Chapter 8: The Assistant - Y/N helps out a friend, and Harry also helps out a “friend”.

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"Hi, I'm Kierra. I'm here to see Harry."

Y/N was taken aback when the girl pushed right past her to enter her living room. They had never met officially, but the walls in this flat were thin. You couldn't pretend like you didn't know someone after you'd heard all the sounds they'd made during sex. Now Y/N couldn't even look at this girl without blushing.

"H-Harry's at a group study. He'll be back at five, I think," Y/N mumbled, eyes on Kierra who had made herself comfortable on the couch.

Idling for a moment at the door, Y/N decided that it'd be rude to retreat to her room, so she ended up sitting down with her flatmate's guest. She always got nervous around the girls Harry brought back to their place, probably because she'd never seen herself as their equal. They always had more than one thing she lacked, and the thought of not being good enough was intimidating to her. She was jealous of their beauty and their confidence, but she couldn't hate them. They weren't responsible for her insecurities.

That was why each time she met one of them, she subconsciously tried to look for at least one quality that she found pleasant about the girl. Only then would she feel slightly better about herself. It didn't always work though. Most of the girls Harry had brought home were mean to Y/N. She couldn't figure out why, but they probably assumed Harry treated her differently because...he liked her. Oh, she could only wish. Deep down, she had always known he treated her differently because she wasn't his type. He would never be interested in her sexually or even romantically.

"Those are cute," Kierra spoke, breaking Y/N's train of thoughts as she poined to the blue tie-dye window curtains. "They weren't here the last time I came over."

Smiling bashfully, Y/N tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and her hand quickly returned to her knees. "They...they're mine."

"You made them yourself?"

"Yeah, the ones in my room are purple, but Harry likes blue so..."

Kierra pressed her lips into a faint smile. The silence took over for a few seconds before she spoke again, "were you two friends before moving in together?"

"No." Y/N giggled. "We hadn't known each other until then. It's a long story but...Harry tells it better than me so you can ask him..."

"Can't. He doesn't like talking about himself." Kierra gave her a shrug.

Y/N could see it in the girl's eyes that she was disappointed. This gave her a different view on Kierra and those before her. Maybe they were equals after all. They wanted someone they could never have. Still, Y/N didn't know if she'd rather be herself or Kierra, to have him but never really have him, or to never get to have him at all. Either way, it probably hurt just the same.

Hugging her knees to her chest, Y/N sat in silence on the couch as her dreary eyes shifted between Niall and Layla.

"I am telling the truth," Niall said. "I've warned him and he didn't listen!"

Layla raised her voice, "warned him?! You should've stopped him?! Gosh, men are dumb!"

Y/N agreed, men were dumb. However, she'd better stay quiet because everything she said now would only add fuel to the fire. In this moment of chaos, ironically, she felt truly at peace. She watched her two friends keep on shouting. Their mouths were moving but they didn't make any sound. And they were in slow motion, almost like a music video without the music.

This took her back to her childhood years. Whenever her parents got into a fight right in front of her and her siblings, she would pretend that they were in a music video, so she wouldn't feel scared. Like she and Harry, her parents rarely fought. Her mother could be problematic yet her father loved that woman more than anything in the world. So Y/N hated whenever they raised their voices with each other. They claimed to be so in love but when things got bad, where did all the love go?

Now that she was older and wiser, she had learned that fighting didn't always go counter to love. Sometimes two people argued because they loved each other too much, and refused to let go even when it was the easy way out. Had it not been for those fights, her parents' marriage probably wouldn't have lasted this long. So maybe Y/N needed to be at home shouting at her husband, not hiding at her best friend's place like this.

"You should've told me everything! You're a liar just like Harry!"

"I'm nothing like Harry, I report everything to you! Who tells their wife about their co-worker getting hair extensions? I do!"

"Guys, I'm going home." Y/N's statement ended the argument in a heartbeat.

"You sure?" Layla asked in concern as Y/N rose from the couch.

"Yeah." Y/N nodded with a smile. "We'll be fine, don't worry."

Layla and Niall seemed doubtful of their friend's decision, still, they let her go. They walked her to their front door and kept reminding her not to throw a tantrum when she spoke to Harry. It was weird coming from someone as bad-tempered as Layla, but then they actually got a point. Y/N kept that advice in mind as she took a taxi home alone. She told herself to stay calm and think this through, for the spoken words could leave permanent damages. Still, a part of her wanted nothing more than to shout at him to release her frustration.

Soon she had arrived home. She took a deep breath before pulling out the key card from her pocket. But right before she could enter, the door swung open. Her husband burst out, frozen completely when he saw her face. He looked as if he'd seen a ghost. He was pallid, his eyes were round and expressionless, his mouth parted and his chin trembling. They exchanged a silent look before he spotted the barrel bag she was holding. She'd planned to spend one night away from him. And now she was glad she'd changed her mind.

Harry frantically grabbed her like she was the last thing in this world that could keep him sane. He panted the words "I'm sorry" into her neck, repeatedly and desperately. Maybe just a second ago, he'd thought his apology would never be accepted again. He'd thought that she'd left him for good.

Y/N hadn't seen him this scared since she returned the promise ring in that hotel in New York. And her heart ached just from thinking Harry wasn't afraid of anything, but losing her.

"Let's go inside and we'll talk," she said, pushing him away though she wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms right now. Her eyes were cold while his were filled with fear and anxiety.

He stepped back into their living room, watching her intensely to search for a sign that they would be okay. "Please hear me out," he said as she closed the door and put down the bag. "I can explain."

"Sure you can. You always have a lot to say, but never when you should."

Harry's eyes quickly shifted to the floor. It was funny how he had just asked for a chance to explain, and when he'd got it, he didn't know where to start.

"I almost stayed at Layla's tonight," Y/N went on, not wanting to waste their time by waiting for him. "Then I realized marriage didn't work that way, so I came back. And I want to hear everything from you. Niall has told me what he knew, and I've also made my own assumptions from the video. But now I want to hear your own version of the story."

"She was gonna send it to me," he finally spoke, his head hung low. "B-but she saved your name as Mrs. Styles so she sent it to you by accident."

"And you believe her?"

He didn't answer. That was how she knew he did. He believed what Kierra had told him.

"It seems to me that...you believe in everyone..." She said with a faint laugh. "Everyone. Except for me."

"No, I—"

"You didn't think I could handle it, was that you lied? Was that why I was always the last to know?"

Again, silence.

Despite all the things she'd told herself on the taxi ride home, she couldn't stay calm anymore.

"Why don't you say something?!" She screamed at him. She was furious. Still, he was just standing there like a statue, his eyes stayed glued to the floor. The frustration building up in her chest made her burst into tears. "You can't just keep doing this, Harry! This isn't the first time, I've forgiven you too many times before. I was always one of the lasts to know when something big happened. Olivia coming back, your internship in Japan, your dad offering you his company, you accepting your dad's offer and relocating an entire business, you hiring your ex to be your new assistant, and now you possibly having a child with another woman, then you going to see this child and staying to play happy family with them! I've always had to find out from another person, this time from a video that woman 'accidentally' sent to me. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Nothing."

His answer left her dumbfounded. Her mouth snapped shut, her shoulders were tight as her breath burst in and out.

"I don't want to defend myself because I know I'm wrong." He slowly lifted his face to meet her eyes at last, and then, with a sigh, he began, "when...when I discovered that I might be the father, I was...terrified. Not because of the responsibilities that would come along with that, but because...I realized I-I never deserved you."

Seeing his fingers gathered into fists and his knuckles turning white, she wanted to hold him and tell him he was the only one who deserved her. But her limbs were numb and her feet were rooted to the floor. Now she could do nothing but listen.

He swallowed hard. "I told myself...if I kept pretending like my past before you hadn't existed then everything would've been okay. But I always knew I couldn't pretend forever. Maybe that's why I'm so afraid of you leaving me. Maybe at one point, you'll see that I'm not good enough and you'll regret all the years you've wasted on me." He thought for a few seconds and exhaled sharply. "I told myself hiding these truths from you was protecting you. But all along I've been protecting myself from you realizing you'd be better off without me."

He stopped to wait for her reply. And when he got nothing, he stepped forward and cupped her face. This time she didn't push him away. She couldn't. His fingers were shaking as tears shone in his eyes, and it hurt her so much to see him like this. My God, she truly loved him. Her love for him was so massive that all of his mistakes, his stupid, careless, childish mistakes, could not make her love him any less.

He didn't let her go. Her silence urged him to go on, his voice was strained and fragile, "you have every right to be angry at me. Scream at me if you want to, give me the cold shoulders, the silent treatment, anything, just...don't leave me. Tell me how to fix this, and I'll do anything. Just please don't give up on me."

He ran his thumb across her flushed cheek to wipe away a single tear making its way down. His lashes fluttered as his brows knitted. He continued, "I came home, and you weren't here, the closet was opened, some of your clothes were gone. I-I thought I lost you, and I was so scared."

For all those years they'd lived under the same roof, Y/N rarely heard Harry say that he was scared. It might've resulted from him growing up trying to protect the women in his life, since his father had not been there for them. Now standing before her, he had accepted that he also needed protection.

Sighing, Y/N stepped forward and pressed herself against his chest. The love of her life automatically embraced her. "We don't do that in this household," she murmured, one hand stroking the back of his head. "We don't leave."

She felt his muscles relaxed as he gave her a slight nod and a 'thank you'. But his grip hadn't loosened one bit, for a part of him still feared she might change her mind. Still, she pulled away. They were eye-to-eye again, and her hands were on his shoulders, his on her lower back.

"But you need to stop this," she said. "Stop trying to protect me from the truth. I'm an adult and I can handle anything. And stop worrying that some bad news will make me stop loving you. Nothing will. I chose you because I'd known who you were, even before you did. I fell in love with my best friend and I never looked back, not when Olivia showed up, not when you were in another country for months, not when my parents hated me for being with you. Of all the mistakes I've made in my life, you are not one of them."

He nodded, sighing in contentment as she combed her fingers through his hair. She held his gaze, her eyes were much more tender now. "You lie to me one more time and I'll leave for good, got it?"

"Got it," he spoke softly. "Thank you."

She frowned, taking a deep breath. "I want to sleep alone tonight, just to clear my head. Is it okay?"

"Y-yeah, sure, I'll sleep in the guest room," Harry said quickly. Though he wasn't thrilled about sleeping alone, he believed giving her some space could be a good idea for now.

Y/N shut her eyes as she gently brushed their noses together and walked past him toward their bedroom. She felt his eyes watching her go, and something came to her mind as she stopped halfway, turning back to look at him.

"Were you disappointed that the kid wasn't yours?"

"Of course not," he answered right away though the question was unexpected.

"Really?" Her one-word question was filled with doubt.

He sucked in a breath and flashed her a reassuring smile. "Yes. I only asked Kierra to take a photo because...because I knew how much you loved kids. I wanted to show it to you after I've explained everything...I don't know why she recorded a video."

Y/N said nothing more. He wasn't sure if she still believed him after all the secrets he'd kept; however, he was glad she'd come forward instead of keeping it to herself.

"Goodnight," was all she said before going to their room. The door fell shut, the flat fell back to silent, but the thoughts in his head were deafening. How could he go to sleep?

Harry was appalled when Kierra asked him where Y/N was. Just like all the other girls he'd been with, Kierra had never shown any interest in getting to know his 'boring' flatmate, or the fact that he was living with a girl he'd claimed to have nothing to do with. But the first thing she noticed today when she entered his living room was that Y/N wasn't here.

"She's probably babysitting the kid upstairs," he said, thinking the girl would just move on to a different topic, but he was wrong.

"She told me she was making a Halloween costume for that kid."

He widened his eyes at her. "You've talked to her?"

"Yeah, the other day I came over to see you. I had to wait for too long so I left."

"Oh right, she did mention that." He nodded, pointing to the tie-dyed curtains. "Y/N made those. I told her it was a waste of time and she didn't listen. But I think I'm kind of in love with how they look now. She's very good at this stuff."

"Yeah, I see." Kierra giggled. "That's why I asked her to make me a Halloween costume, I'm gonna be a sexy nurse. Can you believe she agreed to do it for free?"

The girl probably expected a different reaction so her face fell as she saw how upset he was. "What? You don't look happy." She smirked. "Role-playing is so hot don't you think?"

Harry let go of a sigh and removed her hands from his chest. "You can't just ask my flatmate to make you clothes for free, Kierra."

"She said she'd be happy to do it."

"She'd say anything to make everyone happy, she's Y/N!"

"Okay, chill! I'll tell her I don't need it anymore. Are we good?"

He stayed quiet for a bit and nodded. "Thank you."

The silence gradually sank back in, adding more weight to Harry's heavy thoughts. Maybe he'd overreacted a bit. To be honest, he couldn't explain it himself. He always felt the need to protect for Y/N even when she wasn't around, for he thought she could never do it herself. It almost became a hard-to-change habit.

"She's a sweet girl," Kierra spoke after a while.

"She is," he agreed, not adding anything else.

Still, the girl continued, "she's so shy though, she needs to go out more."

"That's just how she is." Harry shrugged, trying not to show how annoyed he was. She was getting on his nerves with all this talk about Y/N. "She hates crowds, there's nothing wrong with that. But I hope I can convince her to go with me to that Halloween party."

Kierra was taken aback, and Harry was too. He couldn't believe he was careless and stupid enough to say that aloud. He had no control over his words, thoughts, and actions when it came to Y/N. Though she wasn't here, it was her fault that Kierra knew way too much.

"You two are going together?" Kierra asked, looking slightly puzzled.

He stuck out his bottom lip and gave her another shrug. "I haven't asked her but...Yeah...she needs to go out more, right?"

"Right." The girl pressed her lips into a forceful smile, and then she changed the subject.

"Linen or beige?"

"That's the same color!"

Harry's response made Layla growl. At this point, she'd already run out of patience.

"Are you fucking color blind?" She almost shoved her phone into his face, pointing to each of the two photos aligned side by side. "This is linen. This is beige. Pick one!"

"Uhm...linen I guess?"

With a sigh of relief, she gave him a solid nod. "Okay, beige then."

"Are you serious?"

"What?" She shrugged. "I don't trust your and Niall's opinion so it's easier to go for the opposite."

Breathing into his palm, Harry checked his watch for the third time since Layla entered his office. She'd promised it'd only take around five minutes of his time, but now it's been fifteen and she had only finished choosing the wedding tablecloths. She didn't care how bored he seemed and went ahead to show him two different types of flowers and told him to pick one.

"Ahh, I don't know. Whatever Niall chose."

"I didn't come all the way here to hear what Niall thinks, asshole."

"Fine." He rolled his eyes and pinched his forehead. "White roses. Classic."

"They're Gardenias!"

"Look like roses to me." He chuckled at the look on her face. "Did Niall also choose them?"

"Yes." She shot him a glare. "But at least my baby's an intellectual who knows the difference between roses and Gardenias."

"Lucky you," he teased, only to receive a middle finger in response. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be at your store? It's not even lunch hour yet."

The girl gave him a proud smile as she put her phone away. Thank God, he thought.

"Unlike you, I pay people to work so I don't have to," she said, making him chuckle. "But fine, I'll leave. You can get back to work now."

"Wait," he stopped her before she could walk away. "Has Y/N told you anything lately?"

Layla pursed her lips. "Nope. I thought you two had gone back to normal. It's been several days since the secret child thing, right?"

"Well, yeah, she finally let me sleep in our room two nights ago. But well, I mean, she tries to act like everything has gone back to normal, but it doesn't feel that way to me. She wasn't even home when I woke up this morning. Something's still off."

"Give her time." Layla waved him off. "She's probably still upset. I wouldn't blame her though. Your crazy neighbor threatened her that one day she'd find your assistant sucking your dick, and now the girl you used to fuck is your assistant. How convenient is that?"

"That's bullshit. You know I love her more than anything in the world."

"I know." Layla snorted as she rolled her eyes. "You love her too much sometimes that you forget love comes with trust. By the way, if I were you, I'd fire that bitch."

"I can't just fire an employee for no reason, Layla."

"No reason? Well, first off," she raised a finger, "if you just want a hot assistant for the aesthetic of your office, I'd be happy to fill her shoes, because this bitch is shit at her job. She didn't even stop me when I walked straight in here."

"She knows you, Layla."

"No, bitch, she didn't even see me. She was on the phone with a friend talking about a bikini wax. And if that's not a good enough reason to fire her, she's also obsessive, has no respect for people's personal space and she hates your wife."

"You don't have proof that she sent that video to mess with Y/N."

"Yeah, I fucking do." Layla nodded quickly, crossing her arms. "She literally told me back in uni that she hated Y/N. She knew Y/N had feelings for you, so she asked the poor girl to make a sexy Halloween costume for her just so she could strut around in it and flirt with you when Y/N was around. How's that as proof?"

Harry's expression dulled for a moment before he could speak. "Are you serious?"

"Oh God, how oblivion could you be?!" Layla exclaimed. She sat up straight, placed a hand on her chest, and took a deep breath to keep herself from exploding. "Look, I love you—"

"You do?"

"And I will mess up your perfectly symmetrical face if you interrupt me again."

"Sorry."

"Where was I? Oh, right. I love you, but you could be really stupid sometimes. You're overprotecting Y/N from anything but the things and the ones that actually hurt her. This Kierra bitch is just another Rose in your life, pun intended. She's a psychopath who deserves no sympathy. Like my family marriage counselor used to say, 'three's a crowd, and any problem that arises from a third person is always much harder to fix'. And that man was a genius. Most of my parents' arguments were about another woman and now they're divorced, and me, the product of that failed marriage, is miserable."

"I'm really sor—"

She put up a hand to stop him. "Save your sympathy for Y/N. Want my advice? Fire that crazy bitch and make up with your wife."

Just like that, she clicked her fingers in front of his face and picked up her handbag to go. He watched in confusion as she stopped at the door.

"You don't have to thank me for saving your marriage by the way," she said with a cheeky grin. "Just bring me the most expensive wedding gift you could find."

"Miss, where do you think you're going?"

Y/N looked at the redhead she'd never seen in her life, though confused, she asked, "is Mr. Styles in his office?"

"Have you got an appointment?"

You've got to be kidding me.

"I'm his wife."

The girl squealed so loud that everyone turned to look at her at once. With her face all red, she quickly apologized for her behavior and almost knocked over her own coffee when she bumped into her desk. Where did he find this kid? Y/N thought while keeping a straight face so the girl wouldn't feel more embarrassed.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry Mrs. Styles," she said fast. "Mr. Styles is having lunch with a client. I don't know if he'll come back to the office after."

"Thanks." Y/N sighed. "But I'm sorry, who are you?"

"I'm his assistant, Marie," the redhead said with a beam. "I just started today."

"What happened to Kierra?" Y/N's eyes narrowed with confusion.

"She got transferred to a different department. Uhm...HR, I think. I don't know much, today's only my first day," Marie said while fidgeting with the buttons on her blouse.

Y/N couldn't help but wonder, why had her husband replaced someone as experienced as Kierra with someone entirely opposite, like Marie here? Still, she said nothing more than wishing Marie good luck and a good day before making her way back to the lift.

As she walked past some employees enjoying their pizza for lunch, she wondered to herself if she should get something to eat before calling Harry. But the warm feeling suddenly rising in her chest sent her straight to the ladies' room.

She stumbled like a drunkard to one stall. She kept swallowing, but it didn't go away, and she could already taste it at the back of her mouth. With each step, her throat clenched and ached more and more. Hot tears spilled from her eyes when she dropped on her knees and emptied her stomach in the toilet bowl.

Yup, she was definitely sick.

But why?

She'd been eating fine and exercising regularly for the past month, but she felt like her health was getting worse. Her body had turned on her this morning when she woke up with nausea clawing at her throat. She hated being sick, but she hated skipping an important workday more. So she'd left the flat before Harry woke up to make sure he couldn't convince her to stay at home.

But then, for the entire morning in the office, she missed him terribly. She sat at her desk, constantly thinking about how she hadn't got a chance to kiss him goodbye. And then she almost she burst into tears. This wasn't like her at all, and she blamed her being ill for her acting out of character. She couldn't wait until she got to see him. She needed to see him right away. However, with her condition, maybe she should just go back home and call it a day.

Y/N flushed the toilet and dragged her heavy feet to a sink to wash her hands and mouth. That was when an employee entered the room, looking shocked to make eye contact with her in the mirror.

"Kierra," Y/N spoke, throwing on a smile. "Hi."

She thought it was a must to always be polite to her husband's employees, even the special cases like Kierra here. But this woman didn't need her politeness. Kierra walked straight to a different sink to reapply her lipstick. The only interaction she'd made with Y/N so far had been that cold stare when she first entered.

"I heard you got transferred to HR," Y/N said, looking at the girl who paid no attention to her. "It must be fun. The manager is a sweet lady."

"Just stop faking it, all right?"

"Sorry?"

Kierra put the lipstick back in her purse before turning to face Y/N. "I know you talked Harry into getting a new assistant. So don't pretend to be the girl next door here. I'm not buying that crap anymore."

"Wow." Y/N scoffed, raising both hands in the air. "I have nothing to do with any of my husband's decisions in his company."

"Clearly." Kierra rolled her eyes as she placed a hand on her hip. "You just never grow up. You're still as insecure as you used to be."

"Excuse me?!"

"You were scared of how much Harry enjoyed being around me and my baby girl that you had to find a way to get rid of me."

Y/N laughed wryly, shaking her head as she said, "was that why you sent me the video? To show me that I'm the one who's scared?"

"No, I did it to piss you off." Kierra gave her a shrug. "He came to me first, hoping that my baby was his. It's not his fault that you can't get pregnant."

"How do you—"

"Oh, everyone knows." She smirked. "This rumor has been circling around for a while now, but judging from your reaction, I suppose it's not a rumor after all?"

Y/N's face contorted as the realization hit her like a train. "So you heard the rumor and purposely applied for the job, then you made him think the baby was his to get his attention."

"No, I was just lucky. Maybe we were meant to meet again." The bitch gave Y/N a cold, hard, plastic smile. "You know, the day you and I had our first conversation, I was actually there to tell him that I was pregnant. I thought the baby was his. If he hadn't been so crazy about you back then, maybe I would've stayed and let him believe he was the father. But if he was really the father of my baby girl, would he have chosen you over a real family?"

"Okay, you're obviously sick in the head," Y/N said as she picked up her bag, but Kierra stopped her at once.

"If I were you, I'd work harder to fix my marriage."

That's it, Y/N thought to herself as she turned around, her eyes glinted with rage. The fear was obvious in Kierra's expression as Y/N stepped forward and stopped when their faces were inches apart.

"My husband is a CEO," she said with a straight face, "and your husband doesn't exist. So don't lecture me on how to fix my healthy marriage, when you can't even fix your life. The next time I catch you trying to sabotage our happiness will be the last day you show your face in this company. You understand me?"

Kierra blanched at those words, her mouth fell open. But Y/N didn't have time to wait for a nonexistent response or comeback. She turned her heels and walked out with her head held high. Layla was right, she thought, smiling smugly. This feels fantastic!

Harry was working late again.

He'd been dead in front of his laptop to prepare for the important meeting tomorrow. This was a meeting that would change the future of this company. Just one more day, he thought to himself, one more day, and he'd go home early and take Y/N out on romantic dates like he used to. She surely would love that. After all, the only reason he was working hard was for her and their future. Everything he did was for her. One more day, and he'd have his old life back.

Those lovely fantasies kept him motivated and concentrated. It was only until his mother called to ask about him and Y/N that he realized how late it was and he should probably head home.

Strange. It was usually the thought of going home to his wife that made him sigh in relief, but now he was gripping the steering wheel, anxious as he could be. Maybe he'd been over-analyzing everything. Maybe it wasn't even that bad. Maybe she'd been having some bad days at work. Maybe she still wanted him. He reassured himself with those thoughts as he stepped into their flat.

The living room was dimly lit by the soft light leaking through the gap beneath the kitchen door. His wife should've been in bed by now. Lately, she had overworked herself, thinking he hadn't noticed, but he had. So what was she still doing in the kitchen at nearly two in the morning?

"Baby?" Harry spoke as he stepped in to find a sight he could never have expected.

Y/N was sitting on the floor in her white silk gown, the fridge was open and she was eating the leftovers as if she'd been starved for days. He laughed, shaking his head when she looked up like a deer in front of headlights. Her eyebrows furrowed as she spoke with her mouth full, "you're home early."

Oh, the sarcasm. He'd missed that.

"Sorry, darling. I got held back at work. But just for today, I promise."

"I hate you." She took another spoon of chocolate cake into her mouth and turned away like an angry little girl.

Beaming, Harry put down his laptop bag to join his wife on the floor. He sat with his legs crossed and his chin on his knuckles. "My assistant told me you came to my office today," he said, his eyes bored into her.

She gave him a slight pout. "Yeah, but you weren't there."

"Did something happen, love?"

"No...I just...I just missed you. That's all." Her voice went quieter toward the end, for she was shy to admit that she'd come to his office because she'd missed him. Little did she know, hearing that made him happier than ever.

He stroked her hair and threw on a soft smile. "If you miss me, you can always call me. I'll drop whatever I'm doing to talk to you."

"I know, but I wanted to see you." Then she put down the empty plate and wiped her hand and mouth with a paper towel. Her eyes had never left his. "Did you miss me?" She asked bashfully.

He nodded fast and picked up her hand to press it to his lips. "All the time."

"Good." Her mouth twitched as she stroked his chin with a thumb. "I like your new assistant. Sweet girl, a bit clumsy though."

"She'll get the hang of it," he said. "I was gonna tell you in person, but you'd already found out."

"It's okay." She pressed her lips together, looking slightly amused. "Kierra didn't seem so happy about it though."

Her comment left him surprised. "You talked to Kierra?"

"Yup, she's batshit crazy. She threatened me, too."

"She threatened you?!"

"It's okay—"

"No, it's not! I'll fire her for that!"

Harry, though mad, was now even more confused when instead of agreeing with him, his wife just burst out laughing. Before he could question her reaction, she pulled him in for a sweet kiss on the mouth and a few others all over his face.

"I wish nothing more than to get rid of her, but her daughter doesn't deserve an unemployed mother." She ran her fingers through his hair now that she was straddling his lap. "But don't worry. She won't bother us again."

"You sound sure." He arched an eyebrow.

"Because I am," she said happily. "All this drama only makes me realize how much we love each other. We should only focus on the two of us from now on, building our own family, living the life we've been dreaming of since college. No one else is allowed to change that."

He chuckled. "Three's a crowd, yeah?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "I hate crowds."

Slowly, Harry leaned in to kiss her again and then pressed their foreheads together, smiling contently.

"Oh, wait," She pulled back as her eyebrows snapped together. "One last question about Kierra."

"Go ahead, love," he said, laughing.

"If she hadn't left, would you...would you have fallen in love with her?"

To her surprise, he cracked up. "That's an easy question. Of course not. Why?"

"She was so good at pretending like she wasn't a shit person that I actually liked her. I assumed you would've fallen for her, given more time."

"Nope," he asserted, lips curved into a smile. "I was already in love then. How could I have fallen for someone else?"

"You were in love with me?" Her face lit up.

"No, with our handsome gay neighbor Ben. Of course I was in love with you, Y/N! Why was that even a question?!"

The couple immediately dissolved into laughter Harry held her to his chest and kissed her forehead. He felt so much joy at this moment that he didn't want to ever leave this kitchen floor. But then sadness clouded her face again, and her voice nearly cracked as she spoke, "I love you so much it hurts sometimes."

"Aww, babe—"

"I'm sorry I didn't kiss you goodbye this morning. I got sick, and had to leave for work before you found out, so you couldn't convince me to stay at home."

"You were sick?" He felt her forehead with the back of his hand, his expression hardened.

"I still am, I think. I-I threw up twice today, and now I can't stop eating and I even start crying for no reason," Y/N said tiredly as she scooted closer to nuzzle her nose against his neck. She even grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers, as if she couldn't get enough of him. Harry loved these intimate gestures, he loved how clingy she was now, but a part of him still found it concerning because she'd never been so needy.

"Also, the smell of pizza makes me wanna vomit," she quickly added. "Maybe I should see a doctor tomorrow. It might be food poisoning."

"Baby?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't...uhm...I don't think..."

"What?" She pulled back a bit to study his face.

He squeezed the hand that was holding his and looked deep into her eyes. "I don't think it's food poisoning."

That was when realization dawned on her face.

"I'm...pregnant?"

#flatmate!harry #ceo!harry #husband!harry #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles writing #harry styles series #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst

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averyastaireismss-blog · 5 years

Text

meet avery astaire!

📚MELISSA BENOIST, DEMIGIRL No way! It’s AVERY ASTAIRE they’re an EIGHTEEN year old SENIOR. Dang, what a wonderful time in their lives to be so ENTHUSIASTIC and INSECURE. Whenever the freshman talk about her/they they usually think of LITERATURE CLUB, no wonder everyone knows her/they as the FANGIRL.

Welp, here’s my second baby! Avery’s super dorky, is HUGE on the #FandomLife, wants to become a famous author someday (especially in the epics and fantasy genres, like Tolkien and Homer and et cetera), and I just really love her. Hope you guys will, too! Here is her wanted connections, in case anyone is interested :D

Avery is half-French on her mother’s side and is learning French. She’s half-Irish on her dad’s side and is fluent in Gaelic.

With that being said, she has an Irish accent that she got from her dad, who grew up in Ireland before moving to the States in his twenties. She doesn’t have an French-Irish mix one because her mother moved to America when she was five to live with her American adoptive parents before she could develop it and grew up with a Midwestern accent.

Does that ^^^ make sense?? I hope it makes sense ajslfhgjfldgh

Along with writing, she also holds passions for singing, horseback riding, acting, dancing, and figure skating.

She’s bisexual. *crickets chirping* Yeah, that’s it.

She also considers herself to be a demigirl, using the pronouns she/they. She/her are her primary pronouns, but there are times in which she connects more with they/them.

Her favourite artists are Hozier, The Lumineers, Imagine Dragons, and Mumford and Sons. She just really loves the indie, folk, alt-pop music

BUT, also catch her blasting Disney/Dreamworks/Really-Any-Animated-Movie-Soundtracks, musicals, and movie soundtracks as well

Black Sails is also her favourite television show with Wynonna Earp in second and Criminal Minds in third.

The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and The Silmarillion are her favourite books. The movies are pretty good, too.

Homer’s The Iliad and the Odyssey are also her favourite stories as well

Owns a vintage yellow bug named Delilah and it’s her baby

Just like Holly, she is a polyglot. fluent in English, Gaelic, Spanish, and Primitive Quendian, she is working on becoming fluent, at least intermediate, or conversational in French, Dothraki, Mandarin Chinese, Urdu, Icelandic, and Tagalog.

Yeaaaaaaaaaah... debating on having her in FLC as well, but I already have Hols in it... To be continued

Avery loves vintage things. She believes that they each has a story to tell and she has a collection of first edition books that is ever growing.

For her sixteenth birthday, she got an old typewriter that still works and it’s one of her her top five most treasured possessions.

She has such pretty handwriting like it is not fair. It’s cursive and flowy, I hate her

She can do calligraphy and I hate her for it. It’s so good and beautiful, the little shit

Okay, and she’s good at forgery but I am keeping her restrained from doing that a lot

In fact, one of her favourite talents of hers is that she can do this.

I FUCKING HATE THIS LITTLE SHIT!!!

Her favourite times of the day is sunrise and sunset. She loves watching the sky change colours, seeing the moon and stars disappear and then the sun appearing and vice versa. It’s so calming and beautiful to her.

Is somehow both an morning person and a night person. I don’t get it nor do I like it.

Being such a fucking nerd, she has a multifandom blog. It’s actually pretty popular and she’s beginning on working on making fan art and fan vids, but she prefers writing stories more.

Her main fanfiction stories that she writes are Criminal Minds, LOTR/The Hobbit, Rick Riordan’s works, Harry Potter (just the original books and movies; Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them are practically dead to her. The Cursed Child, she is neutral on), Star Wars, Black Sails, Disney, Wynonna Earp, Stranger Things, Game of Thrones, all different sorts of mythology, and a large variety of musicals, but she has sooooo many more. She also does headcanons and one shots for these, the fucking nerd.

Okay, but along with having her multifandom blog, she would also have a bookblr and write book reviews and reblog book edits and stuff on there like yes this is good

She goes by the alias Calliope online, who’s her favourite Greek mythology character

Ravenclaw, Thunderbird, otter patronus, and she would have a hornbeam wand with a dragon heartstring core.

She also has all of the harry potter character wands. And her Ravenclaw merchandise. She is especially fond of her Ravenclaw scarf, throw pillow, and mug.

Again, this motherfucking nerd.

Her favourite colour is yellow

Her favourite scent is old books, green and mint tea, lavender, and honey.

She likes both marvel and dc, fight her

Cuz what this nerd does??? She LARPs. She loves it so much and has been doing it for awhile now.

She always makes sure that she is prepared whenever inspiration for a new story strikes. Laptop? With her 100000000% of the time. Has two large notebooks with her at all times as well, along with a small notebook. She also has a tablet, in case one of those extremely rare cases of her not having her laptop or one of her three notebooks, with her, just in case. And then her phone as well, which is an iPhone7 and is perfect for jotting down ideas. It’s so big and the keyboard is big, she loves it.

Wants a corgi dog named Frodo in the future

She also works part time at Barnes and Noble as a sales associate/cashier

Thanks to her parents (her dad’s a famous writer and her mum’s an immigration lawyer), she is rich as fuck but she wants to actually earn her money. Can’t live off of her parents forever

For her seventeenth birthday, her parents took her and a group of friends to New Zealand to see the real life Hobbiton and all of the other locations for when LOTR/The Hobbit films were being filmed. It was a glorious trip.

#{ fandom life;; headcanons. }#mercierooc #mercierintro

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rainwindandstars · 6 years

Text

Queer book recommendations!

Here is my promised list of queer books! I’ve included a small plot summary, what I liked about the books, what kind of representation they have (queer, disability, POC etc.) and warnings for common triggers. If you want to know more about a specific book, feel free to ask me! The order is random and says nothing about how much I liked a book. All the links go to the books’ goodreads pages, unless it is available for free online, then the link goes to where you can find it. Some of the authors have tumblrs, I’ve added those as well in case you want to follow them (I might have missed some, though). I have included a few novellas/novelettes in this posts, but I will probably make an additional post for queer short stories. Shoot me an ask if you want to be notified when I have done so!

The Second Mango by Shira Glassman @shiraglassman (Fantasy/Romance)

Young lesbian queen Shulamit is looking for a girlfriend with the help of her bodyguard Rivka (who is a woman pretending to be a man) and the bodyguard’s shapeshifting dragon/horse, when they learn about a sorcerer who is turning women into stone and decide to rescue them.

This book is the first of the Mangoverse books (there are three others and one short story collection) and I really liked all of them. While the characters’ queerness is obviously important to the plot (especially in book one and two), the plot isn’t just about that and the characters also have adventures that have nothing to with their orientation (in book three they get to solve a crime). These books are very fluffy, not overly serious in tone (but also not too silly), with happy endings for all the queer characters. Ideal when you just want to read something lighthearted. Most of the characters are Jewish and later books also have bi and trans characters. There is some homophobia in the setting, esp. in book two, but for the most part the queer characters don’t have to suffer for being queer.

Shira has also written a bunch of other books which I’ve heard are very good, but I haven’t read them.

To Stand In The Light by Kayla Bashe @kayla-bird (Fantasy/Romance)

Shadow, a nonbinary transfem superhero with a tragic past saves the life of Bean, another young superhero and they quickly become friends. While Bean goes to superhero school, Shadow is away on adventures, and when they come back after a few years, they both have developed feelings for each other, but are too insecure and too scared they are not good enough for each other to admit it. And then a supervillain shows up…

This book deals with some quite heavy themes like different kinds of trauma, mental illness and disability, but it’s never grim and I actually count it as another “feel-good” book, because it also has the different characters be wonderfully supportive of each other. The character interactions are definitely the focus of this book, the superhero part is mostly just a background for them. Besides queer main characters, this book also has a lot of other minority representation- Shadow has PTSD and chronic pain, Bean has ADHD and is a Korean transracial adoptee, and there are also otherwise disabled characters, characters if colour, one Jewish character and one DID system (there were probably more, but those are the ones I remember). IIRC, there is no homophobia in the setting and only one minor case of transphobia. Tbh, this book isn’t actually all that great from a purely literary point but for me the characters and themes more than made up for it.

Pantomime by Laura Lam @lauraroselam (Fantasy)

Gene is intersex and runs away from home when his parents want to force him to have surgery to make him “a normal girl”. He joins a circus disguised as a boy and calls himself Micah. While he’s getting used to his new life, he finds out that the circus has some bad secrets and also starts to have strange visions.

This book is the first in a fantastic trilogy and my summary there doesn’t do it justice at all. Pantomime starts out with relatively few magical elements, but book two and three have more of those. This trilogy is more plot driven than my first two recommendations, and it’s probably also the closest to your typical fantasy novels.

Micah is intersex and bigender, one of the other main characters is a gay man and there was also a minor trans women character. Micah’s has to deal with intersexism, mostly in book one, but otherwise the characters don’t suffer for being queer. TW for domestic violence.

This is easily one of the best books I’ve read lately, so go read it!

Aristotle And Dante Discover The Secrets of The Universe by Benjamin Sáenz (YA)

Ari and Dante are two very different teens who build an unlikely friendship that very slowly develops into romance. (I realise that this probably counts as a spoiler, but this book wouldn’t be on this list without that, so you would be able to guess it anyway.)

This is a beautifully written book, almost poetic. It doesn’t really have an overarching plot, it just tells us about the lives of these two boys and everything that includes. It’s not a romance book, and while romance does happen, it’s actually just a very small part of the book. I would have liked a bit more focus on the romantic relationship - the way it is the ending felt a bit incomplete to me, but there’s a sequel coming out, so hopefully that will help. Both Ari and Dante are Mexican-American. TW for violent homophobia and one very bad accident.

The Long Way To A Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers (Sci-fi)

A bunch of humans and aliens have adventures in space.

This is another fantastic book, that is both very well written and the kind of book that makes you feel good while reading it (when it doesn’t make you cry). It’s not as fluffy as some of the other books on this list, but while bad things happen it is, ultimately, still optimistic and never grim. The cast is a very diverse mix of humans and aliens, including aliens with a nonbinary gender, unusual family structures disabled characters. There is a f/f romance happening, but it’s only a subplot, so if you’re reading it only for the queerness you might be disappointed but this book is good enough it might even be worth reading if everyone was straight. ;)

Capricious: Gender Diverse Pronouns Edition - A.C.Buchanan (Editor, lots of different authors) (Sci-Fi/Fantasy)

This is a short story anthology in which all stories feature a major character who uses gender neutral pronouns, including singular they but also several different others like ze/hir, per/pers, e/eir etc. Some of the stories have pronouns/gender as a topic (like “Sandals full of Rainwater” by AE Prevost where a person from a culture that doesn’t have gender moves to a culture that has three genders and pronouns that change depending on both the speaker’s and the other person’s gender, or “Ad Astra Per Aspera" by Nino Cipri, in which the protagonist is pretty sure their gender “left me for someone else”.) while others are typical SFF short stories which just happen to have a nonbinary protagonist.

A few of the stories are really fantastic, but all of them are worth reading.

Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan (YA)

Craig and Harry want to break the world record for the longest kiss, Tariq was beaten up by homophobes, Neil and Peter are a happy couple, Avery (who’s trans) and Ryan are just starting a new relationship and Cooper suffers from crushing loneliness, stuck in the closet. This book tells these vaguely related stories about different gay teens, narrated by the ghosts of the gay men who died from AIDS.

This book is definitely an interesting read that contrasts the lives of gay people during the AIDS crisis with that of gay teens now, showing both how much things have improved but also how hard it can still be, not shying away from the darkest parts of queer lives. TW for violent homophobia, depression and suicide.

Documenting Light by E.E. Ottoman (Contemp./Romance)

Wyatt and Greyson try to find out who the two men in an old photograph are, while dealing with various difficulties in their lives. Romance happens.

This is a very short book (novella?) that describes the slowly developing romance between Wyatt, a closeted nonbinary person, and Greyson, a trans man who was cut off by most of his family after coming out. It’s not as lighthearted as the other romance books on this list, but it’s still optimistic and I really liked it. TW for transphobia.

Freya Snow series by L.C. Mawson @lcmawson (YA/Urban Fantasy)

After Freya finds out about her magical heritage, and learns to use her magic, she gets into various adventures, starting when some demons show up to kill her.

This is a series with currently ten books, with a total of 13 planned, and there are two spin of series with other main characters. These books have several queer characters (Freya is bi), which does come up often, but the focus is more on the action. There are several autistic characters (Freya is one of them), one deaf character and one character in a wheelchair, also several POC. I don’t remember how much homophobia there was in the setting, so if there was any, it wasn’t much.

These books aren’t literary masterpieces, so don’t expect too much, but they are still enjoyable to read. The first one is free, so you can give it a try to see if you like it.

All that also goes for the spinoff books.

Love/Hate by L.C.Mawson (YA/Sci-Fi/Romance)

Emotion-fueled superheros protect the last few existing cities from monsters. Claire just got chosen as the new aspect of Love, but she’s in love with the aspect of Hate - which is a very bad combination.

There are currently four books in this series, I don’t know how many more are planned. Like the Freya Snow books, they have a lot of diversity but especially in later books the focus is on the action. There are again several autistic characters, including Claire, and several queer characters including a trans women and an agender character. Most of the cast are POC. There is no homophobia or transphobia in the setting.

Like the Freya snow books, these aren’t super great but still a fun read (though I don’t like how the third book ended and where the plot is heading, but that is just my preference. I also haven’t read the fourth book yet.)

Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire @seananmcguire(Fantasy/Mystery)

What happens with the children that were pulled in other worlds when they come back? Nancy is one of them, and she gets sent to the Home for Wayward Children where she finally meets others like her, who understand her wish to return to her other world. But then a gruesome murder happens and it’s up to Nancy and her new friends to find out who did it.

I absolutely loved the premise of this book, the characters and the first half of the story - it is really beautifully written-, but I really didn’t like the mystery stuff- it changed the tone of the story completely in a way that just didn’t work for me. (You’ve probably noticed by now that I prefer fluffy stories and this one turned from fluffy to grim very quickly.) So if you don’t mind that, you might like this book, I know a lot of people do, that’s why I’m including it on this list. Nancy is asexual, and one of the other major characters is a trans boy. There was probably more diversity that I’m forgetting because I didn’t reread the book and it wasn’t the focus of the book. There were mentions of transphobia, but no cases during the story. TW for murder, gore etc. (It probably wasn’t as bad as I make it sound, I was just really upset when I finished the book so I’m remembering more of the negatives.)

Iwunen Interstellar Investigations by Bogi Takács (Sci-Fi/Fantasy)

Ranai and Mirun, two autistic nonbinary people solve magical crimes in space. There are a lot of cupcakes. The prequel season shows how Ranai and Mirun met and includes some political intrigue. The first (current) season deals with health issues Mirun is having and mysterious accidents.

This is a web serial (updates once per week) which I totally fell in love with when I found it last week. That description makes it sound more silly than it is- it’s another story where a lot of bad things happen but that still feels good to read. It has some very interesting worldbuilding. The majority of characters are nonbinary, autistic and POC. Mirun and Ranai are also both demisexual and Mirun is physically disabled. The book also has some nonsexual kinky elements. There are mentions of discrimination against trans and neurodiverse people, but nothing of that actually happens in the story. TW for lots of medical stuff and major injuries.

Bogi Takács has also written several short stories that also feature queer main characters and which are also worth reading.

A Portrait of the Desert in Personages of Power by Rose Lemberg (Fantasy)

I’m just going to copy the description on goodreads: “This is a Birdverse novella told from the viewpoint of the Old Royal, who is a bigender trans person. A queer, kinky survivor and exile who struggles with his ethics meets the ancient bigender ruler of the vast Burri desert...they hit it off. This has many trans/non-binary people, advanced discussions of consent and sadistic desire, mythic grandeur, non-gratuitous engagement with trauma, a giant flaming bird, and the magical history of Birdverse. CWs for kink, edgeplay, and discussions of trauma.” Both of the main characters are POC (I think), and I think also not neurotypical. Also, additional TW for brief cases of transphobia that gets called out in-story.

This is a novella, also available as an (amazing) podcast, and I really loved it. It is a very kinky story, but it is all non-sexual kink, there is no genital sex happening. I also wouldn’t classify it as erotica, because I think it wasn’t primarily written to be hot, it’s more about exploring the complex emotions of the characters, trust and about discussions of consent. And I think this worked out really, really great. All in all, if you aren’t completely squicked out or triggered by kink, I definitely recommend this.

Geometries of Belonging by Rose Lemberg (Fantasy)

Mind-healer Parét is asked to cure an autistic teenager- who really, really doesn’t want to be cured. At the same time, he’s getting entangled in political intrigue concerning his partner (who happens to be the Raker from A Portrait…, but many years later).

I absolutely adore this novelette, and I think I reread it about three times in the first week after I found it. It has the strong focus on the characters and relationships and the slower pace that I like in stories, and it just really stayed with me. I think it dealt really well with the topic of a potential cure for autism (the author is autistic themselves). I also liked how it portrayed both a very queerphobic society and one where trans/queer people and polyamory are completely accepted. This story deals with some difficult topics, and it’s not a fluffy story, but it’s not grim or depressing in any way. (If this was posted on AO3, it might be labelled Hurt/Comfort). There are several queer characters, autistic and mentally ill characters and some POC. The MC is in a D/s relationship, but it’s not as graphic as in A Portrait… TW for ableism, transphobia, homophobia, parental abuse, suicidal ideation.

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