#the most pathetic lesbian to ever live

[lastflowerofyourhouse]

ok i DON'T think the tower princes actually had sex, nor do i want them to, but i DO find them conceptually hilarious as a sexual dynamic. like. what if your rebound girl accidentally said the wrong name during sex. but you couldn't be too mad about it because you did too. also both of you said the same name. because you are rebounding from the same girl. who neither of you actually dated. what would you do.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Anne Mary Jack Ed and Stede are the ideal polycule because they are a font of unlimited drama, they have every fanfiction trope within them (murderwives, toxic homoerotic codependent teenaged gal pals, friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, love at first sight), they have an unspoken shared history and a new member who can act as an audience proxy, not a single one of them has ever made a good decision in their entire lives, they're all enormous bitches, the dynamics are such that Edward Teach, most dramatic cunt to ever live, is coerced into being the fucking mediator, they have a mean bisexual and an even meaner lesbian, they have a cowboy and a biker, they have a peer pressure happy alcoholic and a nerd who cannot handle his alcohol to save his life, they have two women who only ever make things worse, they have a butch a queen and a Leatherman, they have two entire deadbeat dads, they're all having a midlife crisis, they're all pathetic, they're all unemployed now, the actual polycule itself is made up of a wholesome yaoi couple and a toxic Yuri couple and the glue holding them together is an emotionally constipated commitment averse bisexual man with a piss kink who mostly shows up to cause problems on purpose, two of them are blorbos and three of them are situations. I'm putting them all in a jar together and shaking it. I'm not letting them out of the jar until they have an orgy.

[why-what-no]

We’ll Be Alright

Pairing: George Karim x Fem!Reader, Mild Lockwood x Lucy (requested by the requester, even though she is very much a lesbian in my head lol)

Warnings: Self Loathing Thoughts

Summary: The reader looks into the bone glass for longer than she should have, accidentally letting it fill her head with awful thoughts. Thoughts that only George can manage to quiet.

Requested by: “IcysLab” On Wattpad

(Y/N) had adjusted fairly well to living at 35 Portland row, although it had been a harsh culture shock after all her time working at Fitte's. The harsh deadlines and cold demeanour of everyone that worked there has been replaced with a warm and kind environment that, she was sad to admit, she wasn't used to experiencing.

She hadn't exactly been the best fit for Fitte's, Awkward and nerdy, never knowing the right thing to say and never knowing when to leave well enough alone. They'd kept her because she was clever, because she solved cases better than most.

But the money and respect her work gave her didn't dampen the allure of a family. So when Lockwood offered her a job, she almost immediately took it. He was so kind to her, and his home was so charming. (Y/N) felt much more comfortable there than she ever had at Fitte's.

And it didn't hurt that George Karim - Lockwood and Co's researcher - make her feel like she wasn't an oddity for the first time in her life. The two of them were so similar, almost identical souls, understanding each other better than ever imagined. (Y/N) never had to feel embarrassed around him.

***

But her life at her new agency wasn't perfect, she could admit that. And unfortunately, her most recent problem was caused by herself.

It was her curiosity, her bloody curiosity that drove her to look into the bone-glass. Her need to know and experience everything that led to her staring into it in that graveyard, even more that George had.

She didn’t tell any of her friends, of course. How could she? She felt awful and pathetic. Lockwood and Lucy wouldn’t be weak enough to keep looking, and George was too smart to look at it for as long as she had. (Y/N) felt like she didn’t deserve to be in their company.

Logically, (Y/N) knew that her friends loved her. George would be a wreck if she left, and Lockwood would close himself off even more. And Lucy… well, (Y/N) and Lucy weren’t as close as the awkward girl hoped (Lucy has a jealous streak and (Y/N) and Lockwood were close friends), but she knew that Lucy would fight for her to stay with them. The girls looked after each other even when they weren’t as close as they were with the boys.

She knew all those things logically, but with the bone glass stuck in her mind, logic was a bit far from her. So she suffered. Keeping silent about it as she didn’t want to worry her friends. But the thoughts that the bone glass put in her head brought her nothing but misery.

She thought she could fight past them, but it soon all came to ahead.

***

The winder cracked under her soon to be tender knuckles as she punched it.

She didn’t mean to, but she had thought she had seen something, and the overflowing evil thoughts of her mind had left her emotions all bottled up. Her reaction was sudden and thoughtless, and she had a bloody hand and broken window to show for it.

“Ah!” She gasp, wincing at the pain in her hand, cradling it to her chest. “Bloody hell!”

“(Y/N)?” She flinched and backed away as she heard George’s voice, seeing him pop into the room as soon as he heard her exclamation. “Are you…” he spotted the broken window. “What are you doing? Are you alright?” His tone was equal parts worried and shocked.

She shock her head, cheeks warmed in embarrassment. “I’m fine. Don’t worry. I just… thought I saw something.” (Y/N) said, not technically lying, glancing back at the window.

But George knew her, knew when she wasn’t being honest. And her behaviour had been off for a few days now. “That’s not true. You’re not fine. Tell me what’s going on so I can fix it.”

She shook her head, and George raised his eyebrow. “Tell me or I’ll tell Lockwood you broke his window.”

“The bone-glass. I looked into it.” She knew his threat was probably a bad joke, but the thought of Lockwood finding out she broke his home and him being disappointed in her terrified her.

“Yeah. So did I.” George was clearly uneasy at the memory.

“No, but… you only did for a moment. For me it was ages. It’s the only thing I can see when I close my eyes.”

Her voice cracked as she told him that, body tense and waiting for some sort of criticism.

But George cared too much about her to ever do that.

“Oh, love.” George sighed, pulling her into a hug. He normally was not the most affectionate person, so she grasped onto him in this moment as tight as she could. Scared that she’d never get his touch like this again. “We’ll figure it out. That’s our job.”

“That’s not true.” She spoke into his shoulder, her voice muffed and quiet. “I don’t deserve to be here. You’re all so much stronger than me.”

Those words scared George more than her confession about the bone glass. “That’s not true.”

“It is. You are.”

“No-”

“- Yes, you…”

“I’m strong because of you!” The words burst out of his mouth before he could stop himself, months of holding back his feelings for her exploded like a volcano . “I’m only strong because you make me strong. If you left I would lose all of that.”

“I don’t…”

“If you leave.” He enunciated his words carefully, the idea of her leaving terrifying him. “I’ll follow you wherever you go, and I’ll spend the rest of our lives trying to convince you to come back with me.”

(Y/N) couldn’t believe what she was hearing, the words coming out of his mouth more intimate that anything she had imagined. And she had indeed imagined. Nights laying in bed, imagining him confessing feelings to her, promising his love to her.

“I don’t want to mess everything up.” She whispered tearily.

“You won’t.” George assured her.

“I think I’m going mad.”

“You’ll be alright. We’ll be alright.” He told her, cupping her face in his hands.

He leaned down to kiss her, something that would have been nerve-wracking for both of them in any other situation. But now, it just felt right. Like it was what they were supposed to do.

He knew her better than anyone. And as his lips brushed over hers in a way that sent warm shivers down her body, she accepted his words as truth.

We’ll be alright.

[ghoulsbian]

Do you have any Rize headcanons? :>

certainly i do!!

• she has nightmares about the washuus finding her, even to this day. back when she was young and living with shachi, she would frequently awake screaming from these nightmares. she'd shake and sob, and shachi would hold onto her until she cried herself into an exhaustive state and fell back asleep. i think he would frequently have to sit with her as a child as she fell asleep, holding her hand, just to assure her everything was okay. the nightmares have become less like night terrors but they still have her waking up drenched in sweat.

• she loves scented candles, and prefers to light those instead of having the lights in her apartment on. rize only gets floral scents, of course. any food scented ones would be entirely too nauseating. her favorite scent is jasmine. she wears a specific jasmine perfume everyday too. she's been using the same kind for years now, jasmine is her signature scent.

• i see rize as a cis woman, who typically uses she/her pronouns but wouldn't be offended by any usage of they/them. she's also a femme lesbian to me. it's never been any question to her that she was a lesbian, i think that she's literally never felt any semblance of true attraction to men. she loves leading them on to psychologically hurt them though, when she's not doing so to kill and eat them. it's like a game for her- how pathetic she can make a man act to try and impress her, knowing she'll never ever reciprocate.

• i've had this headcanon for a long time, but i really don't think she kills women. now, she's no human sympathizer, but there's something about killing or hurting women that just is distasteful to her. rize would NEVER admit to this but i think that she avoids killing women because she understands what it's like to be a woman who is being hunted, and it's just not something she'd be willing to inflict on another woman, human or ghoul. though, i think she has fought with fellow ghoul women before, as she knows they're more durable, but she's never killed them.

• there was a period of her life in which she kept her fingernails very long and very sharp. this was because she found it pleasurable to reach out and suddenly slash men's throats when they least expected it. i think that she ditched this style of nail though because she got tired of having to clean out the dried up blood underneath them! rize misses them at times but wouldn't ever try to get them back.

• she is a very popular book reviewer online! i think she has this whole anonymous blog dedicated to it lol. it's grown quite a fanbase over the course of a few years. everyone eagerly awaits her next review, and gives her suggestions for new books to read and review too. it's something that keeps her sane. she does Q&As on her blog too! her fans are always more than happy to participate.

• rize has a very well-loved stuffed rabbit that shachi gave to her as a girl. she's had to replace the bow around its neck since she got it, but it's still in good shape. it sits on a special shelf in her bedroom, along with a semi-weathered picture of her and shachi and a dried rose. the rabbit is white and named yuki. the ribbon around its neck is baby pink with white lace on the ends.

• rize a very good dancer in my eyes. it's like she has a really natural sense of rhythm. her moves are so lithe. her hips sway smoothly, as smooth as water in a stream. it's utterly entrancing to watch her dance, i believe. she's just so good at it. mayu in particular could watch her for hours.

• it is a rare occasion in which you will see rize in pants. the flowiness of a skirt or a dress is just what makes her most comfortable. i don't even think she really owns pants, minus a pair of sweatpants or two. you'll only see her in these sweatpants if she's feeling under the weather and having a sick day at home. otherwise, to lounge around, she prefers to wear a silk nightgown or a big t-shirt and a pair of panties.

• she's very crafty with the ways in which she styles her hair sometimes. i think she taught herself all sorts of braiding techniques, and she loves to do her hair in different updos and braids. most of the time it's just down, but she likes to spice it up with an updo/braid at times! at least three or four times a month.

hope these will suffice <3 i love my girl rize so much

[sorcerous-caress]

I’m a lesbian (tho gender is a bit Complicated so idk if I should call myself that) but I do love the idea of Minthara x male drow reader because the Forgotten Realms wiki describes a “functional” romantic relationship between a female and male drow as “a spoiled brat and her well trained, obedient dog” and this is fiction so 😌

Also the idea of him leaving the Underdark with practically an army at his back to find her, he’s scary and ruthless and commanding, but the second he finds her he’s just like “yes ma’am, whatever you need ma’am”

Anon we should trade braincells because this idea is fucking gold.

Drow Male Reader, who was just for her during her days in the underdark. Like any other servant Male in the Baerne house, battle runs through his blood, he was shaped by war.

Who Minthara claimed you as her prize from her first ever successful surface raid. Her red eyes landed on your figure between all of the other males and announcing to the matron of the house that she wanted ownership over you.

She was ruthless, never allowing you to show even a hint of weakness. Breaking and reforging you into the strong capable warrior that you are today. You were hers fully in body and mind, even after a full day of brutal training, she'd still expects you to be laying ready for her on her bed each night.

You've known her body more than she has, given her pleasure more than she thought was possible. You've made it your sole purpose to memorise and trace every curve and mole on her painting of a body.

Part of the reason she kept around for so long was because she could see clearly how determined and willing you were to serve her. While other princess switched males every other month like toys, Minthara has always made it clear that you were off limit. That you belonged to her.

You've never betrayed her, even with the pathetic attempt of the uprising happened you still stood by her side. Watching the other males be cursed into driders without even a hint of sympathy for them, to you they deserved a worse fate for even thinking they could lay a finger on your mistress.

So imagine when in one of her raids, a one she refused to take you on, saying how it would be a matter of a couple days at most before her return, she never comes back.

You're restless, barely even acknowledging your own statues as you march into the matron hall and voice your concerns for Minthara. Ready for whatever punishment your disrespect will ensure if it meant you get your lover back.

Somehow, through various methods of blackmail, backstabbing and even begging or seducing, you accumulate a big enough army to march it into moonrise towers. Having sniffed information from some half-orcs your intel kidnapped and tortured.

Not even the shadowcurse deters you from moving forward, even when half of your army dies or flees in cowardness.

Fate has it that you manage to infiltrate the tower and be at the perfect spot to be able to view her argument with Ketheric. That fucking male faerie who dared to sit down on a throne whole your Mistress stood. That sorry excuse of a walking corpse that dared to threaten her life and make her argue for it.

Immediately after it ends, you signal for your remaining army to march into the tower. Hundreds of drow warriors emerging from the Shadows as they clash with the absolute followers.

You don't care for them or their lives, your main objective is to get to your Mistress and get her to safety.

In the aftermath, when it ends, when it's just the two of you in a far away camp safe from the shadowcurse. You kneel against her legs as you offer your apologies for taking so long, she pats your head, spreading her legs to make space for you.

And like any loyal dog you immediately obey and sit on the floor between them, your head on her thigh as she holds your face with her hand.

An unspoken trust between the two of you.

[pfhwrittes]

Talk Shop Tuesday:

What piece(s) has (have) been most influenced by friendships you've formed here, and how is that reflected in your work?

hi gemma, i love you 💜

(and heads up, this is going to get long)

oh boy, so many of my fics have been inspired by my friends here!

it's absolutely mental to me that i started this blog because i wanted to yell at @391780 on tumblr instead of in her ao3 comments. so i think we can all say thank you to the lovely early for being my entry point into the cod fandom (her work The Arrangement was one of the first fics i read in the fandom - and one of the fics i've mostly recently re-read. i finished it up around 7.30 this morning).

in fact the entirety of the Retail Hell AU was inspired by this ask which came off the back of a post of hers talking about john price working in retail post-141 life.

in fact, a lot of my Masterlist is the result of me going "EARLY I'VE HAD ANOTHER IDEA!!!" in her DMs. she has my eternal love and gratitude for being such a fantastic writer and cheerleader for my writing.

next up, the lovely @kaadaaan is the sole reason i have so many john "soap" mactavish is a Certified Freak posts in my Here Be Kink Masterlist (heed the tags with that one, it's 18+ for a reason). most notably my most recent fics featuring slightly pathetic!johnny x pervy housemate!reader (part one and part two or on ao3 here).

vi is the WORST for letting me run my mouth on her posts or in her DMs. i have a whole document of notes on how i want to expand those fics into a truly depraved universe (rip to kyle, he's about to get put in the middle of the weirdest threesome of his life while simon slowly loses his mind over the fact that his stolen t-shirt is now a cum rag for the most disgusting couple he knows).

then there's @syoddeye. i found For the Record on ao3 and fell in love with the way they write the messy reality of living with addiction and being kind of stalled out in your life. it dragged emotions i hadn't felt for years out of me and i think as a result it's given me the courage to be vulnerable in my own writing in a way that i wasn't confident enough to do when i first started writing for the fandom.

it's really fucking scary to leave parts of yourself in your writing, intentionally or not, but the fact that they continue to pour love on my kyle x transmasc!reader fic from my Binders and Boyfriends series and have called it a comfort fic just means the absolute world to me.

and finally, there's you cariad! yes that's right, you of @gemmahale fame! you have been one of my biggest and brightest cheerleaders for anything involving our beloved kyle "gaz" garrick. it has been an absolute joy to yell in your DMs over The Contract (and some other stuff 😉). i would apologise for going "wait, what about if we did THIS...?" and accidentally turning our lovely self-contained demon au into an entire universe BUT that would be a lie. i am deeply in lesbians with your brain and ideas.

i can't pinpoint a specific fic (aside from some still unseen stuff) that you've had the most influence over but much like sy has, you've encouraged me to trust my instincts with my stories. oh and to never ever scrap a single piece of a wip, just to put it in the odds and ends section at the bottom 😉.

special shout outs go to @greatstormcat, @mortuarywriting, @dragonnarrative-writes, @eilidh-eternal, @ceilidho, @secretsynthetic, @sentientcave and so many other fantastic people that i've seen pop up in my notes just to cheer me on and grace us all with their fantastic writing. every single one of you that i've mentioned (and some people that i'm sure i've forgotten) have encouraged me to keep writing, or to be conscientious and considerate in regards to keeping this little corner of the fandom i inhabit a diverse and welcoming space to ALL readers. from the bottom of my very mushy heart, thank you 💜

Talk Shop Tuesday

[nyaagolor]

Pride Month Headcanons

It's about time I organized these. Under the readmore bc I have a lot to say

- Salvatore and his wife are bi4bi. More accurately, his wife is bi and Salvatore isn’t putting a label on it because while he thinks he’s bisexual his only real world experiences with men are a single makeout session in a Lumiose club during a language immersion trip and lingering too long on some Instagram models’ posts about their abs. If you ask him about it he will not say he’s bisexual bc doesn't need anyone other than his wife, but he’s pretty sure he’s bi in his heart

- Hassel and Brassius have been together for almost 30 years but aren’t officially married. For a variety of reasons, mostly centering around Hassel’s family being a possible threat to Brassius’ safety, they decided to just keep it on the DL. They live together and are for all intents and purposes married, but never actually signed the paperwork. When people ask, especially strangers, they refer to each other as artistic partners or close friends, but anyone who knows them well is well aware they’re husbands. Most people assume they got officially married, and when the school finds out they beg the two to have a ceremony, even if they don’t sign the paperwork. Tbh I could prolly make a whole post on just them (and prolly will)

- Dendra is a lesbian, she‘s had a crush on Tulip for YEARS. Despite her usual extroverted and confident attitude she never confessed and has no idea if Tulip likes women, nevermind if she reciprocates Dendra's feelings. Tulip figured out Dendra is a lesbian but never realized her crush. Somehow.

- Eri and Carmen are girlfriends. The rest of Team Star admins took a LONG time to come around to this, since they think Eri forgave Carmen too fast and were worried Carmen was trying to take advantage of Eri again. They got over it though, and she’s been invited to their hangouts ever since

- Penny is trans I’ve talked about this like 26 times and have zero intention of stopping. She transitioned a lot over her suspension in Galar and has the most supportive family and friend group imaginable. Her body image is extremely fragile but that’s honestly just anxiety from general past bullying, and her new friends have helped immensely in that regard

- Sada and Turo are bi4bi this is a hill I will die on

- Iono is super tight lipped about her sexuality because of idol streaming stuff. Unlike most, she actually likes to keep people guessing, it’s like a game to her

- Every pride, Larry wears a rainbow tie. No one has ever been able to figure out if he’s LGBT or an ally or what. Rika’s running theory is that his Staraptor is gay and he’s trying to be supportive

- Geeta is a career focused person and never took the time to think about her sexuality. If you ask her about it, she won’t have a good answer and you might just make her short-circuit. I think kissing her would make her explode

- Ryme is aroace. I have nothing to say abt that specifically other than aroace people are the coolest and so is she

- Rika is Butch. She got top surgery and everyone is gay for her, myself included. However she has negative game. Pickup game pathetic. Cringefail, even

- Raifort is a lesbian but is only into really toxic women specifically. Genuinely just the worst taste imaginable. She is always complaining about how much she dislikes men as romantic partners and then is actively running towards red flags like she’s playing flag football

- Jacq is non-binary but is a little worried to ask if he can get his pronouns updated on the academy registrar. He’s sure it’ll be fine, but he’s perpetually stressed out and a liiiiil scared of Clavell. He/they enby king with enough anxiety to put anyone else in the hospital

- The academy is the most accepting place in the world. The GSA (which Hassel runs) is one of the most popular clubs, and cishet students and teachers will often sit in just to learn or support their peers. They go HARD in June, and are the official runners of the Mezagoza Pride Parade ever year

- A big part of the reason people feel so safe in the academy is bc there’s a ton of GNC people, both LGBT and not. Saguaro comes to mind, and is someone that a ton of students look up to. He’s cishet but could prolly crumble the gender binary in one hand. He would too

- [gestures vaguely at Clavell] he got smth going on. Idk what I haven’t thought abt it but something

[original-character-championship]

Bracket D Round 1

Poll 25

Fiesta (@ousama) vs. Princess (@potatobugz)

241. Fiesta (@ousama)

he/it

he's like if pinkie pie was a frat boy in a lesbian way. i think he's full of those whiskey soaked gummies.

anthropomorphic burro pinata in a poncho and gym shorts :)

242. Princess (@potatobugz)

She/Her

despite being actual royalty, she is the ultimate cringefail loser woman. She lives in a giant castle all by herself & eats out of the garbage and her special skills include: being able to make cheese. because her father was a mouse. She is a WET RAG of a woman, saddest most pathetic eyes ever. she looks sickly all the time. she is stressed beyond belief. she maneuvers through her house mainly by crawling through airvents. she's bisexual. what more could u want in a woman

She's a short, anthropomorphic cat woman who wears a black and yellow dress with a white, puffy collar. She has cream colored fur with freckled, white cheeks + paws and brown ears. She also has a short rat tail that has a giant puff of fur at the end. 👍

[gayerthanevertbh]

𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐞 || 𝐧.𝐫.

not my gif!

summary: you have a hard time believing that the love of your life could ever do such hideous act on you. you trusted her, wanted her, and most especially loyal to her. but how come you never got the same treatment?

warnings: cheating implied, angst, cursing, natasha being a total dick. 18+!

author’s note: i really tried my best making this sad as possible and i’m giving credits to @roger-that-cap​ because their story is kind of similar to this, although its a lot different too. anyways, i hope you enjoy this!

main masterlist

You were like a flower to her. Compelling, exquisite, elegant, and most of all fragile. Every petal she picks out, you hurt. She hurts too but, mostly you.

You met Natasha around the summer of May 6th, two years ago. Your friend, Wanda, was part of this team called “Avengers” where they save lives – apparently. And when she invited you to a party where the woman was there, both of you hit it off right away.

It’s probably because of how well connected you are with her like you’re comfortable telling the redhead a whole life story about you that seemed so sad and depressing; which, it was. She would casually nod, hum, and tell you that your feelings are entirely valid.

When it comes from her, you like to hear the compliment. The reassurance. But when it comes to the other people you love, you hate it for some fucking reason. Hence why you don’t have friends much.

During the second week of getting to know each other and casually going on dates, Natasha asked you if you would like the idea of you being her girlfriend. You would sometimes laugh inwardly whenever you remember that scenario and how embarrassed you were just because of your silly reply.

“Be my girlfriend?”

“Huh?”

Natasha was raking her bottom lip with her teeth, feeling nervous about your quiet reply and kind of having regrets about asking you to be her… girlfriend. You scrunched your eyebrows together and turned to face the woman, who looked like a tomato.

“What did you say, love?” you asked and brought your hand to her backhand, touching it softly which made Natasha calm down a little by the simplest connection.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend? I mean, you don’t have to say yes, I was just merely suggesting – Although please say yes–Mmph…”

You cut hurt off with your lips pressed against her top lips and moan against her mouth, your hands cupping her jaw softly to not harm her since she still isn’t comfortable with physical touch. The redhead smiles through the kiss and trails her calloused hands all the way up to your back – pulling you intensely closer to her, never leaving your lips.

She was afraid to let go.

Pulling away with a soft pop, you whispered, “I have a big crush on you. But, I also really like you.”

“Yeah?” she asks while pressing her forehead against yours.

“Yeah.”

Natasha shakes her head and chuckles at how adorable you are, and how cute you sound when you kiss her. She pulls you into her lap and kisses you hungrily, but passionately if she may add. You made out with the woman for an hour or so, endlessly.

“I trust her, Wanda.”

“But I don’t,” she says simply while you can see a hateful look in her eyes. Natasha has been away from home over the past 4 months, knowing that she’s saving the world. You’re just an ordinary civilian who dates an Avenger. Wanda, on the other hand, cannot go due to the whole world hates her – unfortunately.

“Wanda, please…”

“The rest of the team are back!” exclaimed Wanda who stood up from the couch, looking angry. Shit. “Only Steve and Natasha haven’t come back home.”

“Natasha is a lesbian, Wands.” you added quietly. You hear her scoff pathetically at your response.

“I know that, but they’re best friends, the bestest friends! And ever since before they left Natasha has done nothing but busy herself over her damn phone instead of you.”

She was right. A month before she left, Natasha kept herself distant from you. You don’t know why, you wouldn’t want to assume why either, but she was less affectionate and loving to you. And every night you both sleep on the same bed, the redhead would be at a bar getting drunk or on the couch, hungover from 7 bottles of beer.

But you push those awful feelings away, you don’t want to assume anything.

Please, don’t hurt me.

“I’ll go to bed,” you whispered tiredly and walked away from your friend with a defeated body, slumping your entire back on the wall once you’re back inside a room where you sleep with Natasha. They will come home soon, you know that and she will come back with open arms and everything will get better.

It will. It has to get better.

Steve wiped off the sweat on his forehead after working out and packing his belongings. They were returning to New York within midnight after a long mission and also, covering for his best friend Natasha, who was cheating on Y/N. Multiple times.

As soon as he walked into the quiet living room, he saw Natasha kissing a young girl on the lips, whispering something that he couldn’t catch. He was disappointed, mostly to himself for not saying anything to his best friend’s girlfriend. They were rather close, or that’s what he thought.

“Nat, stop it,” Steve says with a lower voice, clearly very annoyed by the sight.

The redhead sighs between the girl’s lips and kisses her forehead, whispering once more,

“I love you. But, this has to end.”

“Do you love me?” says the young Hungarian girl who looked so heartbroken, knowing that her older lover has someone else who isn’t her.

Natasha nods frantically, “Yes, baby, I do. But it has to end, I’ll never come back.”

Steve couldn’t hold on to his guilt anymore. He could no longer defend his best friend, especially seeing the woman who is cursing her love for another girl. So, he did what he had to do. Tell Y/N everything – as he should.

“Nat, you have to stop,” Steve asks once more, clearly being more annoyed at the woman.

As soon as the girl leaves, Natasha closes the door with a loud sigh and presses her forehead against the cold wood wall. She never understood why there was this feeling where she needed to flirt or to be with someone, especially when she’s in love with Y/N. It’s not like she’s a sex addict, probably far from that, but she likes to feel something; that isn’t from her girlfriend, which is sad. It disappoints her to want something from someone when Y/N was giving everything.

“Tell her or I will,” Steve stated.

Natasha shakes her head, turning to face the older man with vague tears in her eyes, her face feeling warmer and warmer when the realization keeps hitting her; she’s about to lose the woman she loves over a stupid girl.

“You wouldn’t dare–”

“You do realize Y/N has been calling me non-stop, asking me where you are? For me to be lying behind her back?”

Objectively, as always, Natasha scoffed and crossed her arms – feeling more ashamed when Steve keeps bringing up her girlfriend, acting like she was the injured party. It’s always been like that.

“You’re not going to say anything until we get back,” says Natasha with a low grumbling whisper, anger rising through her veins as she walks closer to the super-soldier with piercing eyes. “You’re not going to say shit! She’s my girlfriend!”

“And you should’ve never fallen for another woman if she’s your girlfriend!”

“I didn’t fall for Nicole,” Natasha scoffs once again, spilling the girl’s name who she had an affair with. She wants to admit that there were no feelings involved, at least for her, but she felt something. A little, perhaps. Which is pathetic.

“Yes, you did,” he says while leaning against the table angrily. “You had an affair with her for almost 5 months. You bought her gifts, made love to her, and brought her to the tower even though Y/N doesn’t know! You loved that girl, Natasha. You–”

“I’m not doing this tonight,” she cuts him off while shrugging, walking away with shameful eyes and a shameful heart. She felt utterly disgusted, completely drenched with disgrace. The redhead couldn’t help but let out a loud broken sob and quickly covered her mouth to muffle her cries. Oh, how she wished that somehow she could turn back time and do her best to hold off her desire to give her all to someone else, that she could’ve focused on her throughout those months but no, everything went so wrong.

Because of her, Y/N was about to be broken. Or perhaps she already was.

“They’re back.”

You were alerted and quickly stood up from the couch, watching from the window to see the Quinjet landing near the building. You can feel your heart racing from each second pass, hoping somehow everything goes back to normal. You want to jinx it, but you’re not entirely sure about your own assumption.

“I hope nothing happens,” says Wanda with a deep sigh, crossing her arms tightly. “If something happens, know that I’m here with you. Every step of the way.”

“Thanks,” you gave her a tight lip smile and continued to watch the Quinjet shutting off its engine. And as soon as the doorway opens, your breath hitch at the sight of the woman you love, looking effortlessly beautiful. You smiled dumbly to yourself, feeling your cheeks getting warm at each step Natasha takes, and soon enough they were inside the building.

Natasha goes inside the room to see you with excitement filled in your eyes. You quickly walked to her, throwing your arms around your girlfriend and kissing her cheeks deeply, almost feeling a tear in your eyes when you’re this close to your girlfriend once again. You didn’t think about your distance from her or the unresolved problems, you just wanted to hug the love of your life.

Surprisingly, Natasha hugs you back and kisses you on the forehead, smiling widely. Wanda just stands there, eyeing the woman with a dead look in her eyes, noticing Steve’s blue eyes were somewhere else.

“Oh my love,” you whispered and pulled away with running tears in your eyes. “I’ve missed you so much… Please don’t leave again?”

Natasha could only nod, feeling the rising shame in her body, and kissed you on the lips chastely.

“Me too, malyshka.”

Wanda derides quietly, “Sure you did.”

“Excuse me?” Natasha asked while pulling away from your embrace, eyeing Wanda carefully with her dark green eyes. She was not always fond of Wanda, more like because the Sokovian was your best friend. So, she didn’t really like that idea. But, she wasn’t controlling either so she let her jealousy slide and instead tried to understand that you have this friendship with the witch.

“Huh? Nothing,” says Wanda with an innocent tone, looking smug.

“Wanda,” Steve says in the midst of the heated air and walked toward the Sokovian girl, smiling at her politely as always. “I don’t think it’s time for you to–”

“To what, Rogers? To let Y/N know?”

You were so drowned with your enthusiasm that you didn’t know this was going on, so you turned around and looked at Wanda with squinted eyes. Shaking your head, you replied, “Know what, Wands?”

Natasha drew a breath inwardly and pulled you closer to her body, almost hugging you in some type of way. You feel her hand graze on your chin and turn you around, making your eyes avert to hers intently.

“Y/N, baby–”

“Tell her now, Romanoff,” Steve demanded and you suddenly felt your entire body weight drop. Tell you what? You were confused, but there was this feeling that you know where this is going. You’re just hoping, praying somehow, that what she’s about to say is totally different from your perspective.

“I…” Natasha stutters, feeling her throat tighten. The vibe was seriously ruined, everything felt in heat. Wanda glares at your girlfriend and her hands balled into fists, trying her best not to attack now. It wasn’t good timing, either.

“What’s wrong, Nat? D–Did something happen?”

“Jesus,” Wanda throws her hands in the air exasperatedly and exclaimed, “Your girlfriend is fucking someone else. Natasha is having an affair with a younger girl from Budapest.”

God, you are just so stupid sometimes.

What disheartens you is that you truly believed that there was nothing going on and that Natasha stayed faithful and devoted to you. But, it’s so good to be true. It was real and it was happening or it was happening. You don’t want to know yet you’re itching to have the knowledge of why your girlfriend would do such a thing? Did she want more from you? Sure enough, you gave everything you had. Everything.

You brought your hands to hers that were linked to your waist and pushed them away, struggling. You can see terror and hurtfulness in her eyes and it makes you think that this whole situation must’ve been misunderstood. Although it wasn’t, it was clear that Natasha had an affair behind your back.

Your eyes were still piercing at her and you managed to ask, “Who was the girl, Steve?”

There was a long thick silence within all of you as you stare at Natasha intensely so that you won’t able to understand what you were truly feeling towards the woman who betrayed you. Natasha looked at you with shame, hope, and the deepest apologetic eyes that you’ve ever seen. You can see the way her hands are trembling, her breath hitching with each breath she takes. You have so much control to not hug the woman but instead, you stood in your own place, staring deeply at her.

“Nicole, she’s 23.”

This girl was younger than you by 8 years, you almost fell to the ground at how young the woman was. She wasn’t even a woman, she was just a girl. A girl. It twirls your stomach into knots and somehow you want to rip it out and never breathe again.

Yet you’re here, standing across from a cheater, who never deserved you.

At least that’s what you think.

“Y/N–”

You held up your hand, chuckling with a croaking voice. You were shaking now and taking a couple of steps back from the woman just to avoid being touched by her. You applaud yourself for the strength to do that. “I don’t think–Oh God, I don’t know… I think you should stop.”

“Princessa, please–”

You didn’t bother to reply and walked away from Natasha, tears that were evident in your eyes. You cover your mouth to muffle your broken sobs so you won’t grab attention but, knowing how loud you can be, you’re sure enough that everyone heard it. Rushing inside the room you sleep in and will be the last time you’ll be in here, you grabbed a nearby suitcase and unzipped it with loud untuned sobs. Not 5 minutes later, Natasha bursts inside the room with tears that were blurry in her eyes and reached for your hand; which you quickly swat her hand away.

“Do not touch me,” you said with a deeply hurtful tone, trying not to look at the woman because if you do, you might say the nastiest things.

“My love…”

“No!” You spun around, pointing your index finger at her so close that you could feel her breath. “No, you do not get to call me that. After what you did? Do you know how humiliating that was for me?”

She shakes her head. Of course not.

“God I thought I was this precious thing you have!” you exclaimed, bringing your fingertips to your nose bridge and pinching it, trying to calm yourself down before it’s too late. “Like, I was everything to you. That I gave you everything. I merely thought what I gave was enough for you it wasn’t. Was it because she’s young? To what, fulfill your youth that you never had?”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Do I? Because I don’t know what to believe anymore, Natasha,” you scoffed at her dishonesty and continued to throw random clothes inside the suitcase, not caring if it was neat; you just simply want to be out of this situation.

“Baby,” she reaches for your wrist and you tried pulling away from her, but the grip was strong. She gets close to you, her face inches away from yours, and cups your right cheek so softly that you almost melted into her touch.

“My relationship with that girl meant nothing. It really meant nothing–”

You pushed her away with all the strength you had left and screamed in terror, “Do not touch me!”

Natasha frantically nods over the sound of your voice and holds her hands up, understanding that you want nothing else but her hands away. She whispered, “Please, don’t be mad at me… please–”

“Stop,” you chuckled darkly and closed the suitcase that was filled with your clothes or hers, you don’t know, and grabbed the nearest sweater until a pair of hands was attached to your wrist again, trying to pull you away from the racket.

“I said don’t touch me!”

“Can you please listen to me? Just for once?” You shake your head, refusing to hear any of her excuses. Who knows, they might be more lies. “Stop, please listen to me! Everything was out of proportion–”

“It clearly was,” you cut her off with piercing eyes, trying to get away from her grasp. “You are the last person I want to talk to, so please let me go!”

She shakes her head, left and right, and her lips trembling from how utterly hurt you were.

“It was an accident, I swear!”

Was that even an accident? An affair that lasted for 5 months? That was a huge lie. An affair that would cause that long would involve feelings and talks about the future that was unpromised.

“You are the biggest liar that I have ever met, I feel repulse around you!”

“Please,” she begs with a heartbreaking tone that didn’t match her usual voice a while ago. “Please, let me explain everything. Just sit down and let me tell you everything.”

You shake your head, trying to force your eyes somewhere else other than Natasha’s green eyes. You’d rather look at a devil (although she is the devil) other than her.

“No, get off me!” you could feel the waves of emotion effortlessly running through your veins on your neck and you have this urge to lay it all out on her, cursing her and screaming that she’s the worst person you’ve ever met but that would also be an untruth thing to say because you still find her so beautiful and so perfect, that it’s hard for you to believe that this is happening. That this is the person that you love.

“My darling cub, please–”

“No,” you finally wretched your wrists and held your hands up high where you can wordlessly tell her that you don’t want to be touched. “I’m not your fucking cub or whatever, maybe go to Nicole for that. Plus, she’s younger yeah? What, is it because she has fresh pussy?”

She scrunches her eyebrows defensively and exclaimed, “No! That’s not true–”

“Then why go for a younger girl then, huh? So what, you could manipulate them? Like me?”

Natasha shakes her head, her hands are covering her face because she felt so ashamed, too ashamed, and too disgusting.

“No, please stop…”

You nearly laughed at her sudden begging, that she was the one who was hurting. How pathetic she looks in your eyes, you can’t even feel bad for her.

“I thought somehow we are like I don’t know, soulmates? Like maybe god or the fucking universe brought us together to love each other and take care of some sort but–”

“We can still be like that!” she says, somehow still having this hope in her eyes that this could all be sorted out. She pleads with her hands shakily, almost pressing her lips to her fingers and with trembling knees. “Please, Y/N–Just let me fix this, let me fix what we used to have.”

You shake your head, tears at the brim of your eyes that are very sore – you wish you could pull them out. You quickly added with a defeated tone,

“Fix yourself first, and be happy. But don’t ever come back to me once you’ve realized how much kind of a dick you are. You are the biggest,” you breathed, trying to form words in your head but your anger lashes out seemingly. “...you are the biggest dick I’ve ever met. Go to that girl and fix everything with her since you’ve given up everything for her. She’s more worth it, trust me. I know better.”

You grabbed your suitcase and left the room, trying to not look at her face that was very sorrowful – you might even run back to her. Wiping the tears from your eyes, you see Wanda waiting for you outside and quickly swinging her arm around you; pulling you so close to her that you felt the warmness that you need right now.

She kisses your head, whispering, “I’m very sorry–”

“You knew?”

She turns to you and placed both of her hands on your shoulder, sighing.

Wanda nodded.

You smiled, but not in an amusing way, and continued to walk with her. Then once you were outside of the building, you croak out:

“I understand you had to keep it from me.”

Some say that Natasha’s mistake was stupid, that maybe she didn’t mean for it to happen. But what’s not going through your head is how was she capable enough of replacing you over a girl who barely has gotten out of her youth? Was Natasha enjoying the younger girl’s company? That somehow she had more enthusiasm than you had?

You wouldn’t able to forgive her now, maybe never. But time is needed. It has to be done.

Part 2?

[britts-galaxy-brain]

Brittany Anne Johnson of Decatur Texas, you have some of the worst opsec I’ve ever seen. There are public records that show your ex had to get a restraining order against YOU. I don’t know why you're trying to lie about this given there’s a paper trail clearly showing YOU were the abusive one.

By the way, it’s hilarious how you brag about being a GNC butch lesbian, when you’re one of the most femme presenting people I’ve ever seen. Wearing a baseball cap doesn’t make you butch darlin’.

PS: Stop driving without a license. It’s a bad look.

Oh honey. Do you have any idea how many Brittany Ann Johnsons there are? The only two things I could find under "my" name aren't me, and have nothing to do with me. I have never had anyone file a restraining order against me. The most you'd find is an eviction that was so long ago it should have fallen off my record by now.

I also don't live in Decatur anymore and haven't for years.

So you know my Facebook page and have seen my profile pic.

So you think you've found "me" in the sea of people who have my exact name and think I'm driving without a license. I just got it renewed but go off.

My vet legit has me in their system as Brittany2 Johnson because my name is that fucking common.

Also you have no idea what butch means and think it's an aesthetic. Just like how you thought "high femme" was an aesthetic.

You're not intimidating, Lily. Especially when you come at me with this weakass shit. I have nothing to hide, especially from your hypocritical, pathetic ass.

[juniperhillpatient]

thank you for tagging me @kiki-strike !! <33

10 characters 10 fandoms 10 (ish) tags!

1. Azula ATLA - she's a girlboss. she's a pathetic poor little meow meow. she's a manipulative mastermind. she's a socially awkward wreck. she's a child soldier whose mother left her & who's father treated her like a weapon. she's the most formidable villain the heroes have ever faced. i love her

2. Ashley Graves TCOAAL - a controversial pick MAYBE but I love to see a demon-worshipping cannibal queen winning (committing unspeakable acts but it's ok because her mom didn't love her & also she is baby have u considered that?) i think ashley should be allowed to commit all the atrocities she wants as a treat on the grounds that her parents were so awful they left her to starve to death & before that, pretended not to notice when she & her brother accidentally killed a girl in middle school

3. Natalie Scatorcio, Yellowjackets - 2 cannibal queens in a row I must have a type <3 I love a tragic hero who is also a violent, dangerous & unstable individual. forgiveness is a nice idea but my poor doomed antler queen will never live to see it... she was a gentle soul (ignore the atrocities) who never got to see a single moment of peace or gentleness in her life

4. Sam Carpenter, Scream - it was nearly impossible for me to pick between my best girls Sidney, Emma, & Sam for this list but I have to go Sam. she's the daughter of a serial killer. she enjoys stabbing people. she sees visions of her dead dad telling her to kill but she loves her friends & her sister more than anything. i adore my dangerous & violent but also oh so sweet babygirl

5. Faith Lehane Buffy the Vampire Slayer - listen, Buffy is the obvious choice for the best character in Buffy OFC. but have you considered. faith is broken & hurt & a little crazy with jealousy & obsession with buffy. she's the dark slayer. she has a dynamic with the wacky evil demonic town mayor that mirrors buffy's relationship with her wholesome (mostly. sometimes demon rebelly) librarian mentor as the dark side of the coin. she's never had anyone pick her first & it kills her but she pretends she doesn't care. i'd die for her

6. Baby Firefly - this time not a confirmed cannibal but my girl is into corpse desecration & necrophilia so I think this is a great list that proves I have excellent taste in fictional characters. "there is no wrong. if someone needs to be killed you kill 'em! that's the way :)"

7. Beth Salinger, Hostel 2 - fave final girl my bestie had a hot lesbian enemies to almost lovers to beheading you & playing soccer with the head dynamic with an evil secret society member who tried to lure her to her death. she also cut off the penis of the man who dared to fuck with her & fed it to a dog so like what more can you even want from a character <3

8. Dennis Reynolds IASIP - having dennis as my fave is soo embarrassing he's such a basic fave but genuinely he's SO fucking pathetic & sad beneath the layers of fake manipulative suave cool rich kid that he thinks he conveys (he doesn't). he's literally just a sad little girl who falls apart & curls up on he ground crying when things get overwhelming. everyone who doesn't understand him thinks he's a mastermind serial killer but they are FALLING FOR HIS ACT

9. Katherine Pierce TVD - THEY HATE TO SEE A GIRLBOSS WINNINGGGGGGG (I don't know Scarlet Witch but I think it's funny to steal the description for #9 for Katherine from the person who tagged me in this hehe) anyway it's funny for me to pick Katherine when I named my cat damon & I have a ginormous shirtless poster of ian somerhalder literally over my bed I'm looking at it right now BUT hear me out. Katherine is my real fave. unforgivable villain who always chooses herself first & also mirrors the protagonist & also she was just a girl once too, a pregnant, scared young girl. if the writers cared about me specifically at all we would've gotten a spin off of Katherine & her daughter instead of what we got

10. Annie Edison Community - much like with buffy the vampire slayer & buffy summers, there is a correct answer to which community character is objectively the best & it's obviously abed. BUT my subjective fave that I latch onto is annie. she's just so babygirl. she had a nervous breakdown in high school because she was always too perfect. she's just out of rehab for adderall when we meet her but it's mostly only referenced or flashed back to as a joke. we never meet her parents but the quotes she references from them are deeply disturbing if you turn off the laugh track & pay attention. she has a fucked up relationship with her good older male friend because #daddy issues. she is obsessed with true crime. there's a monkey named after her boobs. she's the ONLY member of the study group who could've EVER lived with troy & abed & incorporated herself into their dynamic the way she does in episodes like foosball & nocturnal vigilantism. my girl is so silly & a little crazy <3

anyway

thank u for the tag i love rambling about my fave characters!!

I tag: @missjessefantastico, @theowritesfiction @dont-leafmealone, @peony-pearl, @stalker-among-the-stars @bearsandbeansart @chasingfictions @hello-nichya-here, @lunaintheskyforever, @gathering0gloom, @jctko, @jet-apologistmybadhomies, @745voiceofthepeople, @prodogg, @matchamarshmallow

ok if you wanted to be tagged please just say I tagged you also no pressure to the people I tagged it's just for fun if u want :)

[dimension20npcofalltime]

My Favourite Tags / Reblogs of Round Two

Yeah sorry this one's long

#the yogurt man deserves this

Loose Duke did NOT hide for nearly an entire season in a spaceship’s vents, personally haunting Emily Axford the real person’s mind, to lose. - inkytrinket-irii

#loose duke is the only npc that gets better the less you see him

#hell yes! BIM SWEEP!#all the calroy girlies see his canon artwork and run for the hills. pathetic.#that man is a slice of cake and he’s sexier than any pink​​​-haired twink you could possibly draw

#chose calroy bc of that one monologue that out of context makes a crown of Candy sound like the most intense historical war period piece#to ever exist#also bc I did not watch sophmore year

#calroy sweep are you kidding#the gayest slice of cake to ever live

#hardest decision of my life 5ever#shit in your mouth vs watch me shit? how could i ever decide between those two?#(it was calroy easily)

#voted ox just so it's not a complete wipe. he's a Good Boy and i'm love him#but he doesn't stand a chance against the unhinged all-consuming-devotion dykery that is wuvvy

#i love garthy but Aelwyn has been giving me brainrot for the padt few months#the kind of character you want to snap in half and then cry about it

#it’s tough because aelwyns whole deal makes me cry#but on the other hand garthy is hot as hell

#ough this is hard#on one hand aelwyn is v complex and is central to adaines development in fhsy#on the other hand... garthy's voice is hot as hell and they are chill as hell#i GUESS ill pick aelwyn. im just saying i hate asmr but if it was garthy i think all my stress would melt away

#GUYS COME ON I KNOW GARTHY IS HOT BUT.#LOOK AT HER#SOPPING WET CAT OF A GIRL ALSO REMEMBER WHEN SHE WALKED INTO A LUDICROUS PARTY#OF HER OWN MAKING#SMASHED TWO BOTTLE OF LIQUOR AND MAGICED THAT SHIT STRAIGHT DOWN HER THROAT???#she is so everything to me Adaine in the first minutes of the campaign immediately tries to murder her#she shut down her mind to survive torture and kept her personality in a black box only her sister could open#sibling relationship of all time guys

#i love them both#but it has to be john feathers#most guy of all time despite literally being a bird

#if you're not gonna beat up a bunch of angels to give your wife tax advice don't even look at dale

#WHY is esther losing!!!#justice for my girl#my girl has the only braincell in NYC#released from her curse and immediately jumps the hot firefighter#nothing but respect

#one of the very few acoc characters i'll vote against without hesitation#ESPECIALLY for baron my god i love that little freak

#baron you funky creation from aroace fear

#i love dr lugash so fucking much#but you really put him up against annabelle cheddar? the most dyke 5ever?#i love her sm

#lugash would want you to vote annabell#because he is lgbt ally

#why does raghs art have him dressed as a dad at a barbecue#actually you know what he IS gay and it makes sense for him to be that flavor of gay

#plug's gonna lose a poll the same day he's gonna die- tomorrow

#Wilma!!!#or did y'all forget our education on docking

#vote caramelinda my god she deserves this win#also she's canonically lesbian. dyke rights.

[cipheramnesia]

I know that thing with JKR being stupid about people who menstruate is over 2 years ago, but you seem knowledgeable about the subject and did anyone ever point out that, given the original article was about specifc problems THE PANDEMIC caused for menstruating people, and given her age, JKR likely didn't even menstruate any more at that point, she was literally inserting herself into a Discussion about/for a group she wasn't part of...?

Here's the thing about conservatives like JKR, really most people who are against social progress. They don't care about hypocrisy.

Conservatives don't care about hypocrisy. Republicans don't care about hypocrisy. Tories don't care about hypocrisy. No one puts themselves in between social progress who cares about hypocrisy.

I'm repeating this because all of us who are leftist or want equality or inclusion need to hammer that home internally so we can stop trying to use it as a rhetorical tactic.

Rowling has never written a woman who is particularly aspirational in her life, essentially has written zero queer people, and knows almost no trans people. She's perfectly happy to talk about women and lesbians and trans people all day long despite her writing setting all those people back a few decades.

Every conservative politician pushing family values has fucked dozens of people on the side and usually has multiple marriages. They work against any and all programs designed to feed or house children. Their constituency knows this and cheers them on with gusto.

Supporters of trump with blue lives matter flags and punisher skull bumper stickers are out in droves demanding we defund the FBI. I guarantee you they will be back to support whatever cop shoots an innocent person next week.

There are white women right now crying into their Facebook pages about the loss of Roe v Wade who are without doubt paying into campaigns for forced birthing candidates and calling anyone who needs abortion access sluts damned to hell.

What I'm getting at here is fuck Rowling for her miserable, pathetic, sycophantic hypocrisy but that's not important. Observation of hypocrisy while eminently enjoyable changes nothing.

JKR off her shits again? Maybe donate to Mermaids UK. Forced birthers in office in your area? Donate to Planned Parenthood and vote em out or maybe even run for office if you got the resources. Volunteer at soup kitchens or homeless shelters, donate to organizations for feeding the poor.

Like no one person can do all of this all the time and maybe not even a lot of the time, but that doesn't matter. Do what you can when you can, try and be better. If you have a chance to make a difference to someone take it, just try and do kind things that give people help or hope or homes or hands y'know?

I promise not a single one of these hypocritical bastards is gonna be undone by sex scandals or bad optics, and we're lucky if they even face legal consequences for blatantly violating the law and order they love to tout so proudly. So, y'know, it's fun, but also fuck it. Put down the dancing crabs and do something helpful.

[tibby]

will u share your fave thoughts on adam + why u love him etc etc

on a surface level, i am just very endeared by fictional pathetic men. they're my bread and butter alongside mean lesbians. so, you know, looking at it THAT way, i was always going to love adam no matter what.

but on a deeper level, i think it comes down to this: at the start of the movie, we are led to believe that adam is two things, angry and apathetic. and the rest of the movie shows us that he isn't either of those things, not really. his perceived apathy, and particularly his anger, are just his defence mechanisms. adam is not a genuinely angry and apathetic person because if he was then he would be cruel and uncaring, and adam is not either of those things.

something that always strikes me about adam is how quickly he allies himself with lawrence. and sure, his only other companion in the room is a presumably dead body, and he bitches a lot, but also...adam knows that lawrence could very well kill him. that that's his game, that the lives of his wife and daughter depend on it. but adam decides pretty early on that this isn't an "every man for himself" type of situation. he doesn't want to get out and leave lawrence behind. he wants to get out with lawrence. and while the knowledge that lawrence has a family out there that need him probably impacts this decision, i also don't think adam would ever willingly leave anyone behind to rot in that bathroom. despite the airs he puts on, i think adam does care about people more than he could ever admit. the saw films thrive on cruelty but adam never could.

i've spoken about this before but the way adam's demeanour changes so quickly when he gives lawrence the photo of alison and diana is one of The most telling moments for his character. because up until that point he had been so unwilling to share the photo because he knew what it would do to lawrence, and while adam wasn't afraid to make snide remarks to rile lawrence up (because that's all he's ever known how to do), he never wanted to actually hurt him. he only snaps and throws the photo when lawrence keeps pressuring him and insulting him, and adam clearly regrets giving into his impulses the moment lawrence sees it. in seconds, he goes from cocky and arrogant to guilty and apologetic.

and i think that, from what little we know of him, has been most of adam's life. apathetic to seem cool and angry when people push him but filled with regret whenever he realises he's gone too far. if anger and apathy were truly the core of adam's being, then he wouldn't feel that regret. but he does. and i think that the knowledge that he's hurt someone - even unintentionally - just adds to his self loathing, which adds to his negative worldview, which adds to his destructive coping and defence mechanisms. it's an endless, miserable cycle! adam's life is a miserable cycle, and it ends with him dying alone in a decrepit bathroom.

i know that the ~canon~ of the original script/the scott tibbs documentary/deleted scenes are subjective, so i won't dwell on them too much, but the things they add to adam's character make me crazy. he was kind to amanda, and that brief moment was enough to break through her jaded shell and make her put an end to his misery! he loved animals and wanted to be a vet! ik the line about wanting to fix his mistakes with his family made it into some cuts but it truly makes me insane when combined with the original script moments of the voicemail and his CALL MOM? note, because i think there's enough there to assume that whatever happened to make him cut ties...wasn't entirely adam's fault. scott tibbs remarking that he tried to make adam "less of a pussy" or whatever makes adam's angry defence mechanism so much more understandable, given that it's not actually who he is. adam is kind and adam is caring but...with friends like those, no wonder he's the way he is. and the "i'm alive and i'm nothing" line from the original script...leigh whannell you are NEVER seeing heaven.

a friend of mine once pointed out that in theory, zep and adam's roles in lawrence's game could be reversed. that is, zep is the one chained up in the bathroom and adam is the one with alison and diana. and i've always found that point interesting because it only works in theory. because adam would never be willing to do what zep did. i truly think that adam would rather die than kidnap two people, one of whom is a child, and be tasked with killing them if another murder wasn't committed. i don't think he could do it. adam's sole act of violence - against zep - is done to protect lawrence. he is not a violent person and he never could be.

and. god. adam killing zep to save lawrence being the last thing he'll ever really do in his life...it makes me feel insane. because lawrence just shot adam, just made moves to kill or seriously injure him, and adam's immediate response was to literally kill a man to save him. even after everything, lawrence was still his ally, was still someone that adam was loyal to. i'm sure you could argue that he did it so lawrence could help him escape, but you could also argue that lawrence's death could have resulted in adam's survival - after all, the tape was vague. but i think adam truly just didn't want lawrence to die, because he'd grown to care about him in those eight hours, because he wanted lawrence to see his wife and daughter again, because lawrence made him believe that there's always hope and a way out. he still wants to get out with lawrence. not without him.

(and i think, that's also why adam holds out hope for lawrence to come back until the bitter end.)

i think it all really leads back to THE line from the original script that i think about all the time. the pawn has done what the knight couldn't do. because pawns are seen as weak, as sacrificial, as the least important pieces on the board. but a game can't be played without them, and pawns have their own abilities. they're loyal and they're protective and capable of great strength when the situation calls for it.

and is that not who adam is, in his heart of hearts?

[thefiresontheheight]

Hey just writing to let you know I have paladin on my brain today. And thinking about the future after fires on every horizon has me extremely concerned. Do you ever write sequels? I know you just got done writing it more or less but do you think this is a setting yoy might revisit? I'm pretty desperate to know what happens next. That whole cast live in my heart every day you did such a good job bringing them to life.

I don't tend to write direct sequels, no, sadly. If I ever get a book published that may change, but right now it feels somewhat like wasted effort. I do write other things in the same setting from time to time, like my RPG in the same setting of &ASBW or Reaver Phen and To Fight the Sea Itself sharing a setting. And I may do that again with the magical realist America I wrote about. Hell, I have 7000 words of a heist staged my a godminder, a dragonslayer, a fragment of a collectoi and the most pathetic, disgusting lesbian you ever saw in that setting. That said, it would be fascinating to see what Paladin might do in her thirties, given all the prophecies around her. FoEH is set in 2019-2020. I think Paladin's prophecies probably would have to wait until the 2030s at the very least.

[mikka-minns]

Opinions on characters: Kiryuu Nanami, Saionji Kyouichi, Tatsuki Shiori

Thank you for the ask! Im guessing its for the ask game(the general opinion is included so yeah) Sorry i didnt answer until now😅

Kiryuu Nanami

General opinion: She is everything to me. Her mere existance confirme half of my theories about Anthy and Akio.

She is a queen. She didnt deserve this.

The reason she isnt in the movie is because she realised the truth about Ohtori in time and when things started to go back to their bad nature she was able to leave.

She is the perfect first character to find out about Akio's abuse because she lived with one of his victims, he ruined her life in-directly and was about to make her another one of his victims. Her character and story are perfect, i would change nothing about her.

(i have a big post about her, Anthy and Shadow Girls to write so stay tuned for that)

A ship i love: i cant decide if i like the idea that Nanami is aromantic or a lesbian(so probably both) and i dont have a ship with her i realy love. I like Nanami x Kozue a bit, mostly for the parrallels, but i have my own problems with Kozue(which is its own topic), so im not sure how much i actualy ship it. But then again, most of my Rgu Ships go under "after 15 years of therapy they can actualy date", so... Who know.

A non-romantic relationship i love: her friendship with Utena and Anthy and her friendship with Saionji. I wish she got a chance to apologize to Anthy once they were both in a good place and far away from their brothers. For Saionji, i hope they got to meet after he left Ohtori with Juri and Miki. If he grew as a person(which is necessery for escapong Ohtori) he would be a great big brother. Also, the egg episode realy sells me the idea he is her brother figure. "No appreciation for brotherly advice".

A NOTP: Nanami x Touga and Nanami x Akio(OBVIOUSLY). I havent seen anyone ship it and GOOD. That is a one way ticket to hell. I Also dont like Nanami x Saionji, but thats mostly personal opinion cuz i see them as siblings. Might Also be the age gap but idk.

My biggest headcanon about them: as i said, SHE LEFT THE OHTORI NOT LONG AFTER THE SERIES FINALE! She is also an animal person but is not used to them because of her family(cats trigger he trauma too). Once she and Anthy make up, BECAUSE THEY WILL, Anthy  lets her spend time with her animal friends, maybe even helps her adopt an animal of her own.

An idea for fanfiction: Nanami meeting with everyone from Ohtori after they escape, exploring their relationships once they arent under control of their abusers.

(this one is in my WIPs, i Just have to finish it) Weed bride. Anthy and Nanami smoke blunts together along with everyone else. They Also take over Ohtori. I dont wanna spoil anything.

Something that makes me think of them:

Songs "Oh no!" and "Family jewels" by Marina and the diamonds, "allies or Enemies"(about her and Touga) and "Take me to War" by crane wives. And a few more but this is on the top of my mind.

Kyouichi Saionji

General opinion: He was the perfect first antagonists for the series. He is so pathetic, no one takes him seriusly, which is a perfect foil to Akio being adored and trusted by many characters.

He most likely isn pure evil as he is still a child, but he should defenetly be taken responsible for his actions(abuse of Anthy).

A ship i love: touga x Saionji but ONLY AFTER 20, NO, 40 YEARS OF THERAPY! They both hurt each other, they should solve their problems. I wish we saw Saionji's Thoughts about Touga in the movie, but hey, we cant have everything.

A non-romantic relationship that i love: as i said, he would make a great brother to Nanami. As i doubt either of them will ever see Touga again, they could help each other with the trauma. Saionji defenetly has family problems, everyone does in Ohtori.

I also like his friendship with Wakaba, i dont ship them tbh. I feel like she can put him in his place with ease(she beat Utena up as a petty joke).

Not realy a positive relationship, but his rivalry with Utena is very intresting. He is like a trashy version of her. Their straight love intrests are each other's real crushes, but they project. This would all be solved if the world wasnt homophobic. I want them to fight, middle-school-girl style cuz Saionji would get his ass handed to him.

A NOTP: saionji x Akio (OBVIOUSLY) and Saionji x Nanami (again, its just my personal preference)

My biggest headcanon about them: he projected Touga onto Anthy. Thats what kinda stings about how he treated her. Its obvious that relationship was going nowhere, but he never even liked her for her and so it was Just cruel.

He feels as if he isnt good enough for people around him and was at some point jealous about Touga's relationship with Akio cuz it seemed like Touga was so much more mature that he was getting attention of another adult.(angsty i know, but its based on reality)

A fanfic idea: him and Nanami meeting again(as you can see, im very normal a out them)

Maybe an AU where he and Touga dont go so off the edge ti become the pricks they are in the canon and instead Run away with Nanami and live as a little family(THIS SHOW HURT ME, OKAY)

In weed bride, Anthy wrecks his shit cuz he was with Touga and she was about to end Touga so obviously he will get some too. (that fic is Just pure crack)

Tatsuki Shiori

Something that Reminds me of them: tbh i cant think of anything right now.

General opinion: gurlfailiure. I love her. Just another child in a cruel world. She only had the worst adults to look up to and so she hurt the Ones she loved the most. She has room to grow and redeemed herself, she is only a child after all.

I think her place in the movie was great because of that. (i think her role was methaphore for what happend after the series finale, Just like with everyone else)

A ship that i love: i like Juri x Shiori and kinda Shiori x Kozue(both girls are disasters) but i wouldnt say i love either of those. Again, years of therapy, then they can get bitches.

A non-romantic relationship i love: not sure

Maybe her relationship with Touga cuz i dont see it as a real romance. I like it for the narrative(its not realy healthy) and how we found out a lot about Touga trough it.

I think her relationship with Ruka was a perfect example of an older guy messing with a younger girl. Toxic and cruel.

A NOTP: Shiori x Akio (look i have to make sure its known i do not unde any circumstances support these Ships) and Shiori x Ruka(he is an abusive asshole. A mini Akio, if you will)

My biggest headcanon about them: she is queer and full of internalised homophobia. She loved Juri but she is Just another pawn in Akio's game and so she could do nothing but hurt her. I dont think they made up after the end of the movie, im not even sure Shiori escaped, so idk if they even met after.

She liked Touga less because he is a prince and more because he is like a rose bride(like her, in a way) but is not a girl so its fiiine(side eye).

A fanfic idea: i dont have any right now

Maybe exploring her movie role and/or her mindset trough a fanfic?

Something that Reminds me of them: again, not sure.