#the only context i really have for this is that robot fella in the first image has control over a lot of these robots

[potatobugz]

MACHINES

[melodyswishes]

Hey you. Yes you. Want random context about oc x cannon things? Well I’ve made many things just now out of boredom while my art block is getting on my nerves. Enjoy this random lore I thought in my head, Regarding the Lego monkie kid show. Enjoy. And if not here for these type of content, Then please scroll on. Or simply leave.

The moon base.

Chang’e resides here with Lina. Earning Lina to roam freely around here and explore. Whenever Lina would stumble upon things she would scramble to something chaotic with it a bit before cleaning it up and continuing on. However in her point of view, This is a lovely idea of her relaxing in the moon base. And since cooking with Chang’e was a cooking show lina has picked up a few cooking tips here and there appearing on the show a couple of rare times. Either in the background help prepping the ingredients or washing the dishes quick and easy for Chang’e.

If you didn’t (which you really didn’t) know about lina is that she has a little tiny robot bunny that follows her around now after season 3.

The mech bunny is Lina’s companion as a little digital pet. Since Chang’e didn’t know what to do with the fella after Mk shrunk the poor bunny, She rewarded Lina from her good deeds by gifting her the mech bunny. Having Lina to decide she would name that very mech bunny Chi-Chi.

Sometimes Mei would see lina carry the lil dude around and ask if she could pet it, Only to be met with metal. Forgetting that the mech bunny is metal and wires instead of fluffiness like people would expect.

“At least it was cute though.. But I wonder if I could have one of those!!” -Mei (not cannon quote)

Outside of the moon base

Lina goes to pigsy’s noodles to get a quick snack and probably hang out around the gang for a spare couple of hours before heading back to the moon base. It’s either pigsy sometimes not recognizing Lina since she’s often not really around as much in season 1-2 due to Chang’e asking for quick errands but season 3-? is when Lina is really committed to know what the heck is going on nowadays.

Sometime around when the emperor had fallen from his place, Lina oddly felt a similar heart pulse around Mk, Macaque, Wukong and nezha. Lina shares a deep connection with feeling chang’e emotions rarely at times. Even including what she feels and it applies to Lina as well.

Lina has often hanged around the gang and picked up a few things from each and every one of them. Mk, His small sudden clumsiness when in situations that are clearly dangerous. Mei’s confidence for getting the things she wants to know out of people. Pigsy’s common logic in situations that are dangerous, Hence from around the time back in season one when mk called himself INVINCIBLE! On the same day he got his invincibility taken away on the same day (lol.)

Sandy’s calm, Cheerful manners to situations even not resorting to violence sometimes even if it’s not that serious. There would be some way to try and get past the situation from that point. Tang’s knowledge for many things even if so going full on dork on explaining a whole chapter to everyone to know about the information for one tiny thing. You’d say that Lina kinda is the same like tang. Going on about his knowledge for things like she goes off telling about her knowledge about the moon goddess, Chang’e.

Other characters

Aria is a polite older woman than Lina. About 4 years older if you’d know, And is friends with redson about things. Apart from her being snobby at some times, Aria means well from things. I can imagine Aria became friends with redson by sharing relatable things with him at times. But this will not form a relationship between the two as they will continue to be friends only.

I can imagine as a gift of redson being close friends with Aria, Aria is rewarded by her very own harp design. Aria plays the flute but never the harp. So this was difficult for her at first, But soon later on she’d get use to it and practically helps healing the crew with her sounds of her harp strings being played gently.

Aria is rarely around them. If anything when Lina and Aria met, They clicked together like a friendship bracelet. With a little help of Lina constantly gifting her with things that Lina shouldn’t have— Lina has a special curse of talking to random people without even knowing them for a long time. I’ll talk about Lina and Aria’s relationship in a little while ahead, I wouldn’t wanna give away too much information now would I?

Until then, IM GONE! (I did this last night and assume that I fell asleep after typing this.)

[maguro13-2]

Erza : [thinking] Hmmm...I'm wondering if I'm missing something April 7th before the eclipse. What was the most important thing about me in my routines of Clear Heart Force Organization, yeah. That could only mean one thing on April 7th. I share the most important thing in all of my life...

*DING!*

Erza : [Determined] That's right! Today's my birthday! I gotta think cool, think fast, cause the facts are really simple when it comes to paying all respects on birthday, just gotta get everything to get everything situated. Alright, time to think fast!

(scene pans)

Erza : Happy birthday to me, guys!...Huh?

Mui : Oh Good! You finally made it to the "We All Share the Same" Birthday Party like everyone else.

Gundam : And including me, I share the same birthday we these guys and it's also my anniversary!

Erza : I never thought that we all share the same birthdays before, how is that possible?

Setsuna : Oh it's possible. We celebrate Birthdays and Gundam as well for the anniversary! It is our amazing achievement how we'd celebrate the day such this. To make the earth happy on the spring time.

Erza : Oh yes, I guess that this explains a lot of why was I born on Gundam Day. Yeah, that figures much on why there was ever a Gundam Day.

Relena : I do share the same as yours, but we all share the birthday, it's totally a win for us.

Erza : I can't believe that after all of that Cheesecake Factory, we finally get to celebrate our birthdays at this long table...

Jean : Hey, everybody! Glad that you finally made it to our birthday party!

Erza : This is literally not my idea of how did we all share the day of birth on these occasions with the Gundam anniversary, not my day, of saving mortality of being the girlboss cause anyone in this universe will rue the day!

Yona : Oi! Just in time to open our birthday presents. But first, we gotta say that happy birthday to all of us and this is the day we all started on this occasion!

Erza : Yo, Yona! You gotta have a cool birthday you know, I know that we all share the same birthdays but we needed to all celebrate our birthdays and that was the day, we needed something for more than just to celebrate this special day for us!

Yona : I know, right!? It's super cool to have sharing the same birth as you do! You gotta understand the context of being the luckiest girl you wanted to understand and I have no talent of being the luckiest person ever!

Erza : Well, you if you insist!

Mui : Yeah, I had to invite my boyfriend since my birthday has arrived!

Fuuko : Hey, everyone! Sorry we're late for the occasion, here's the birthday cake that we delivered.

Erza : Oh goodie, it would've been a small birthday if we had the cakes for each and everyone...?

Fuuko : Behold! I give you the "Ultimate April 7th Birthday Cake!"

Erza : wow! That's a huge-ass cake! Now that's what I call a birthday surprise!

Mui : Intriguingly yes! That is one superb cake! Definitely delicious!

Yona : It looks super delicious!

Setsuna : So good to eat it!

Erza : I can't wait to eat the cake let's eat shall we!

Gundam : I don't have a mouth to feed on.

*SPLAT+BOOM!*

Aerial : Surprise! Happy Birthday, everyone! (realizes that the cake exploded everywhere) Uhhh, oops. I thought it would be a cool birthday cake surprise. Did I get that right?

Gundam : *Steam whistling* Aerial, you stupid mechanical twit!

Relena : Suletta Mercury! Your stupid robot just ruined the entire cake for all of us! What's with this idiot robot ruining our birthday cake!?

Mui : Yeah, what's the big idea of ruining a good birthday!?

Yona : Can't you do anything right, you big bucket of bolts!?

Suletta : Hey, guys! Look! I did what I had to do something, I only wanted Gundam to have big anniversary cake and that is what we simply did on exactly did with these occasions soon as possible. We get to eat our cake fellas?

Mui : Oh you are so dead to us.

Suletta : Oh, crud.

(sounds of Suletta getting beating up by everyone)

Erza : Oh...So I get it now. Everyone shares the same birthday while we celebrate the anniversary of a giant robot. That all makes sense now.

Setsuna : Well, you had your problems on getting that birthday cake. We brought all food from the Cheesecake factory, wanna go for another round, birthday girl?

Erza : You betcha! Hey, everyone stop the fighting! THERE'S A FREE DISCOUNT ON CHEESECAKE FACTORY IN PARTICIPATING LOCATIONS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! EVERYONE WHO GET A CHEESECAKE FACTORY GIFT CARD WILL HAVE EVERYONE SOME FOOD AND CAKE!

Relena : Cheesecake Factory!?

Mui : No way!

Jean : Quick everyone! To the Cheesecake Factory!

(everybody runs off in excitement)

Erza : There problem solved! Now let's head to the cheesecake factory.

Setsuna : But first you're gonna have to pay for all of this cleanup.

Erza : I know.

[Course Clear (NSMB Ver.) - Koji Kondo]

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL AND GUNDAM!"

Mario : That's-a so nice! (Runs into the castle)

[iris out]

[spinningbuster98]

Mega Man X7 Ending

Ladies and gentlemen: it’s July 17th.

Today officially marks Mega Man X7′s 20th anniversary, as the game originally came out in Japan exactly 20 years ago today!

And what better way to celebrate than to finally put an end to this trainwreck of a game!

The first of the final stages, Palace Road, is one of the slowest, most awkward autoscrollers you’ll ever play!

Not only is it slow due to X7′s natural sluggishness, but the camera also does a miserable job at showing you incoming obstacles, enemies and bottomless pits, meaning that you pretty much have to avoid dashing otherwise you  ight just find yourself falling off a cliff and even then you will ram into enemies coming from offscreen more times than you can count. So we’re off to a great start already!

And then we have the final stage: The Crimson Palace

I dunno if you have noticed but this video is almost an hour long

About 90% of that time is spent in the Crimson Palace

It’s not that the level design is particularily awful, Sure it’s bad but nothing too out of the ordinary for this game

It’s just that it keeps going on

And on

And on

And OOOOOOOOOON

This level has the same issue as Gate’s second stage in X6 in that it keeps going even after the first boss battle

The fight against Red is one of the worst, if not THE worst boss fight in Mega Man history

You have to keep track of him as he teleports around this arena made up of platforms over a bottomless pit, as the camera makes no attempt at focusing on him, while you have to deal with X7′s controls and hit detection/boxes, making jumping precisely on those platforms a goddamn chore AND you also have to avoid his fake clones.

This fight is absolutely shit (and it’s shit that drags too, he’s got a lot of health) because you’re not actually fighting Red, you’re effectively fighting the camera and the controls.

The only boss fights that come close are those from Legends 1, and even then I’m generally more forgiving to those because

1) It’s an early PS1 game and issues with the camera and controls in 3D games were standard back then

2) Mega Man Juno may be a piece of shit but he’s not a piece of shit that you have to fight over a fucking bottomless pit!

And then the level keeps going through another series of boring and awkward platforming sections

Then we reach the boss rush

Credit where it’s due: the room is very creepy and atmospheric and the fact that the teleporters look like graves is really apt for this context

But fucking hell man!

I spent 20 minutes on this boss rush alone!

20 MINUTES!

All because X7′s bosses are just so fucking tanky and their weaknesses are mostly worthless against them!

This is the absolute worst boss rush I have ever seen

20 minutes!

I could probably beat Eggmanland in less time! And that’s a whole stinking level!!!

And then we get to Sigma and every time he says “That’s right, folks!” and “Fellas” I’m expecting the Loony Toones logo to pop up around him

His first phase is nothing fancy

His second phase is another travesty due to, again, forcing you to platform in 3D over a bottomless pit with these controls

Luckily even if you get a game over here you just restart the second phase

I used to rage hard here but then I discovered on the Internet that he’s really weak to the charged version of Splash Warfly’s weapon. Whatever, so long as it gets the job done

The final cutscene changes depending on the character that dealt the final blow to Sigma

In X’s ending we can see that he hasn’t learned a goddamn thing and he’s still bitching about Axl using violence to deal with Mavericks, he even sounds arrogant when he says that “You can’t train someone to become a hunter like me”. Wonderful

Axl’s ending is a continuation of X’s in a way:

Zero’s ending on the other end is just a shallow tie-in with the Zero series (which was a thing by this point)

Was he just...napping while standing up...? Do robots need to sleep? I mean in X4′s intro he’s also sleeping and dreaming but he’s in a capsule so I assumed he was also charging up his batteries or maybe undergoing light maintenance or something. Then again in the Zero series we do see that Reploids have normal beds in their rooms so.... meh who gives a shit, certainly not the developers at this point

Happy Birthday Mega Man X7!!!

[thanksjro]

Dark Cybertron Chapter 6: This Sure is a Comic I’m Reading.

The Dinobots are chilling out by the standing Titan, because Slag went and got his ass kicked by the super death wave a few issues back.

Excuse me, Slug.

There’s real-world context for this change- you see, in England, the word “slag” is often used as a derogatory term. Specifically, it’s either used as a stand in for “prostitute” or “whore”, or in more of a generalized “I greatly dislike this person” sort of way. It’s typically aimed at women, which is likely why Arcee said something to him as opposed to anyone else.

This little exchange is interesting, since Dark Cybertron Chapter 6 was published in 2014. Our boy Slug here first showed up in the original cartoon, back in the 80s, and was in the Marvel UK comics, where they didn’t change his name. A good portion of the IDW creative team, including 50% of the writers for this event storyline, are also from the UK. Seems like someone finally got sick of calling a whole-ass robot dinosaur a slut.

Not that there’s anything wrong with enjoying casual sex, or being a sex worker, but slapping labels on other people without their input is sort of a shitty thing to do, especially when you’re doing it in a franchise typically aimed at younger audiences, and with a surprisingly large following in the UK, where that term is used.

Anyway, while this conversation was happening, the Titan moved, and when it did, it kicked up a shit-ton of dust. Astrotrain, who is laying off to the side with his legs and an arm off, offers Swoop his binoculars. When asked why the hell he has binoculars- which doesn’t seem so strange to me, given that they’re standard military equipment in a lot of places- he tries to explain that he’s got shit eyes, and didn’t want Megatron to know about them. This would be an interesting glimpse into the inner workings of the Decepticons and how they view disability, if Swoop actually gave a damn.

But he doesn’t.

So it’s not.

Swoop sees with his special eyes that the guys who went down into the Crystal City have escaped, and are currently trying to outrun the Titan, and also the title of this issue.

Watch out, that typography’s gonna fuckin’ get you!

The Dinobots start firing on the Titan, which does fuck-all, and Prowl yells at them to head for Iacon, since that’s where the Titan’s going. Bumblebee, Skywarp, and Megatron are revealed to be MIA. Bummer.

Over on that weird water planet the Lost Light landed on a few issues back, the Rod Pod gang have puttered into Metroplex’s eye socket, and are currently making a Fantastic Voyage. Getaway asks where the hell Metroplex’s eyeball got to, but nobody has an answer for him, least of all Metroplex. Strange happenings on this weird water planet.

Ratchet gives everyone the skinny on Titan physiology theory- thank god he came along on the trip so I could at least get a little lore to feed my brain through this slog.

So, Metroplex’s spark could actually be out right now. Even though the lights are still on, that doesn’t mean anyone’s actually home, because the power of his spark needs time to actually travel through the body, and it needs a lot more time than the average robot, because he’s just so goddamned big. Humans also need time for their animating force… or, uh, blood to travel through the body. This is why we have a pulse. If it was instantaneous, we wouldn’t, but we’d probably also explode, because our squishy little bodies wouldn’t be able to handle that shit.

The gang starts scanning for life signs, even though they’re not even sure if they’ll be able to pick anything up. Brainstorm theorizes that the water could be causing degradation to Metroplex’s body. Getaway is still stuck on the Rod Pod existing. He’s having a moment. He’s been having a moment, really, ever since he saw the damn thing.

The results from the life-scan come in, and it looks like Metroplex might actually be okay, because there’s a blip for everyone in the Rod Pod, plus one! Hooray!

Nobody tell them about the hanger-on who’s basically glued himself to the ass of the Pod. We’ll let them have this little win, if only for a moment.

Ratchet suggests they head for the brain to check things out. Brainstorm reads back the report on the water sample he took, holding his data pad as precariously as he possibly can as he does. There’s admium flakes in the water. Nobody knows what this means, so they try to call Swerve, who is a metallurgist, for his professional opinion. The call goes to voicemail. Pity, that.

The fellas show up at the cranium, and there’s a small issue; Metroplex’s brain isn’t there. It wasn’t yanked out, either- it’s clean as a whistle in there, all things considered. Next stop- the spark. Hopefully they can get there before all the lights go out, because it’s beginning to look rather grim for ol’ Plexy.

Back on Cybertron, Starscream is asking about the fatality rate of the death wave, which is a bit funny to read now that I’ve typed it out. Tankor- who is our tie-in issue character today- decides he’s going to start some shit with Starscream, even as people are evaporating around him in the medical center he’s volunteered to assist at. Starscream takes the verbal stripping down with a straight face, because at this point, it’s just par for the course for him. Being head honcho of a whole planet kinda sucks, as he’s quickly finding out.

Flatline, who is also here, makes a crack at Starscream’s expense, and Starscream decides that that’s going to be the straw that breaks his camel’s back, as he starts getting dangerously sarcastic with the guy. Too bad this isn’t the time for that, however, because the Titan just showed up at the city limits.

Wow, Titan really said “fuck those two guys on the left in particular.”

Over in the Dead Universe, it turns out that the massive fiery laser blast from last issue DIDN’T kill everyone, and doesn’t actually seem like it was ever intended to. I suppose it was some sort of transport beam that Nova Prime used for his entrance, like the dramatic bitch he is. That’s neat, I guess.

Hardhead’s pretty upset by Nightbeat’s betrayal, not that Nightbeat really cares- being brainwashed tends to have that effect. Hardhead starts slamming his skull against the containment cube, living up to his name and also making himself look like a fool. Cyclonus is beginning to regret agreeing to this trip. Orion Pax punches the wall and starts yelling at Nightbeat for being a traitor, pretty much breaking his hand in the process. Rodimus tries to get him to chill out, and gets a knuckle sandwich for his troubles.

Also, this whole thing is a ruse. Orion managed to crack the cube, and he’s gonna try to get them out, but he can only do it if Nightbeat doesn’t realize what’s going on. Once Rodimus is let in on the plan, he tries to butter up ol’ Ikea Johnson, who notices the very mysterious something that’s on Rodimus’ palm. The thing that’s NOT his forcefield generator, that we don’t get to know about just yet.

Seeing the mysterious something makes Nightbeat fall to his knees, clutching his head in pain. At least, that’s what Orion says happened. I don’t know what happened or why, or why Orion would fucking know what happened or why. Or even, really, if it was Orion making the claim in the first place.

Not even any feet to try to connect to characters. I’m just guessing on previous panels.

“Dark Cybertron” makes me so, so tired.

Anyway, Nova Prime tells everyone to get on their knees, lest he shoot them with his big honkin’ back turrets.

Back inside Metroplex, the fellas have exited the Rod Pod and are on the hunt for Metroplex’s spark. Someone’s gone and drawn arrows pointing in the direction of the spark chamber, though who exactly is a mystery. Lots of mystery going on this issue. The boys decide to see where the graffiti takes them, leaving the Rod Pod to whatever fate might befall it while they’re gone.

Nobody likes the Rod Pod very much.

Also, that hanger-on from earlier is still there. This’ll turn out great, surely!

We get treated to a double-page spread of Escher proportions, as the gang tries to traverse the inner workings of Metroplex, until they hit an arrow that seemingly hits a dead end. When they brute force their way through the ceiling, it’s bad news bears; they’re right back where they started. Whirl, our most volatile friend, takes out his frustration on the Rod Pod, only for more bad news to reveal itself: the Pod’s been rigged to explode by the hanger-on!

And that’s a series wrap on the Rod Pod Squad! Let’s give ‘em a hand, folks!

Back in the Dead Universe, Nova Prime is busy deadnaming Orion, and generally just being an asshole. He notices Cyclonus off in the corner, and starts being an asshole at him too, because that’s how Nova interacts with the world. It’s all he knows.

It’s at this point that Cyclonus gives Hardhead the signal, and Hardhead bashes through the crack in the cube. Too bad it reseals itself directly behind him. Hardhead goes to punch Nova Prime, and gets his hand crushed into pulp for his troubles. Then he dies, because that was his forcefield hand.

And that’s a series wrap on Hardhead!

Nova Prime informs everyone that he’ll be taking them to visit a pal of his.

You know, this reveal would be a hell of a lot more poignant if I could FUCKING TELL WHO THE SHIT THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE.

[nonipsduck]

Hey fellas, I’m back again with our Indruck- oriented server, Eggnostic! I’m Alexander, and 1/3rd of the mod team, but more importantly, I’m here to say that we will be accepting members again for a short period of time! Details under the cut.

We’re friendly, chatty folks- if you’re not interested fast-paced convos we probably aren’t for you! We do our best to keep things fresh and active, but as a result of such, have found it necessary to implement several rules. I ask you read over them before you decide if this server is for you or not.

1) Be Cool

   1A) This includes respecting these creators. Don’t say anything you wouldn’t say to their face, both in terms of subject and tone. The language you use conveys a different meaning (ie saying ‘griffin goofed that a little vs berating him) and that matters.

   1B) Going off of the above point, we have decided to ban hypothetical “maybe whys” regarding late episodes. While often well-meaning in giving them credit for not being perfect-content producing machines, it does not change the fact that theories are for characters, not real people.

   1C) We also have decided to ban anxiety-ridden “What-ifs” regarding on why episodes may be delayed: if it is causing you serious emotional distress, it belongs in vent (however if the conversation spirals into people spouting off what-ifs we will intervene).

2) c'mooooooon

   2A) We discourage hyper-analysis of TAZ as it is simply put, not built or meant for that and will not stand up to such analysis, which can be a big downer on a server about loving TAZ. There is no actual prohibition on such conversations… for the time being.

   2B) Our stance on art/fic shaming is as follows: If it falls under obama's second amendment, such as whitewashing tones or features, conflicts with LGBT/ND/POC canon or headcanons (bearing in mind lots of folks are projecting their own real-life struggles), or the content is so horrifically awful (:remyvore:), you're fine. Direct attacks on the arts style, quality, and general artistry will not be tolerated.

id like to make sure everyones actually reading these to some extent, so please tell me your favorite amnesty character n why when you ask to join!

   2C) Related to the aforementioned headcanons, there will be little tolerance for "but why"-ing POC,ND, and LGBT headcanons. It is also unnecessary to insert that you disagree with someone else's headcanon on such topics. Serious, genuine discussion is fine.

   2D) Minimum server age is 14, Maximum 25. Please do not invite anyone to the server without privately asking a moderator. Public requests will be ignored and/ or deleted.

   2E) We want to highlight everyone art fairly, so #art-and-stuff has a 5 minute (ish) cooldown between art posts. We just ask you wait five or so minutes before posting your art after someone else.

   2F) Please be conscientious in both vent channels. Obviously ‘mood’, ‘same’, ‘kin’ ‘f’, ect are entirely inappropriate and won't be tolerated, longer messages with the same message (‘yea i’ve been there sucks man, oh yeah me too, ect) are equally unwelcome. Overly dismissive, Overly aggressive, or condescending (in nature or tone) solutions are also not appropriate.(edited)

3) nice.

   3A) We love goofs and japes, and for this we have #really-wild-shit . For serious and horny NSFW discussion, we have exactly no channel because we don’t want it here. At all. Thanks.

4) We'd like to keep a deeply connected server, and in that case it does not make sense to have everything fall under the mods jurisdiction. If you find something to be in poor taste or in violation of OMA, simply respond with an :eye: emoji. If you need immediate action, or would like a mod to address a situation in any way, simply shoot us a ping.(edited)

5) Blacklist content. Not to be discussed or mentioned in any context. DM mod to add.

   - Drug Use

   - Alcohol

   - Self Harm

   - Suicidal Ideation + Threats

It is worth noting that these are rules for members already within the server, who have already established that they have many hc’s, theories, ect in common. While we cannot ask, much less enforce the following, know the following going in:

> Duck content is all presumed Trans unless stated otherwise… although if you feel the need to state otherwise you probably won’t enjoy the server anyways.

> George is the result of a 3+ hour debate over voice call and is the collective child of not only Indrid and Duck, but our server as a whole. He was and continues to be something we bond over. I’m not saying you gotta know all the lore (because good lord I dont even know it all) but realistically you’ll wanna at least enjoy the little raccoon king we’ve created.

> The rules are clear about NSFW content, but to elaborate on an area in particular: this server is Indruck and Barclane oriented. Chatter of other, conflicting ships isn’t… restricted, but folks are allowed to nip and tease ya. The exceptions only being age gap content (Duck/Pidge, Duck/Leo, Duck/Ned, basically anything around a 20+ age difference. ) and Anyone x Beacon content (he’s a sword with a mouth, and we know you aren’t thinking of him whispering sweet nothings).

> That being said we loooove a good goof. There are several running jokes and recurring topics that may make you uncomfortable, including but not limited to: vore, oviposition, piss, monster and robot fuckers, ect. They’re 110% ironic, but do occasionally spill out of the wild-shit channel for the sake of us being funny bastards.

if you’d like to join, reply to this post, do NOT dm me. im busy this week and it lets the other mods help out too.

We’ll be accepting 10 new folks, and its not super first come first serve. If you join and find that we aren’t for you, no worries: we do not have public exit messages. Thanks for reading!

[quotespicture]

https://quoteswithpicture.com/gallipoli-1981-movie-review/

Gallipoli (1981) Movie Review

By Stuart McLaren (Norwich, UK)

  Having revisited this film recently, I was genuinely surprised at how well it has stood the test of time and what a cracking story it was. The film’s major backdrop is the disastrous Dardanelles campaign in the First World War and, in particular the role of Australian troops in that theatre of war. The film was directed by Peter Weir, of Picnic at Hanging Rock fame, and starred a young Mark Lee and a young Mel Gibson (…whatever became of him)? The stars were supported by a great cast of believable character actors.

The film also gave us, in its final scene, one of the most iconic still frames and film poster photographs from 20th Century cinema. For my money the Gallipoli final frame shot is up there with the female robot from Metropolis, Charles Foster Kane surrounded by newspapers and/or booming from the campaign lectern and the isolated rickety house on the hill from Psycho.

The early part of the film deals with the story of Archy (Lee) and Frank (Gibson) and how they meet, turn from rivals into friends and then go off to enlist in the Australian Army. Archy is the beaming eternal optimist of the pair, while Frank is the more experienced, world-weary, cynical, jack-the lad character. It should be mentioned that Archy is the better runner of the two protagonists, which we glean from a country fair prize-money race where Jack is well beaten by Archy. The athletic ability of the two runners will become significant later in the film.

Archy is coached by his Uncle Jack (Bill Kerr) and that element is one of the weaker points in the film, although not from an acting point of view, as the scenes involving Archy and Jack establish a very close bond and loving respect between the two characters, as Jack tries to compensate for Archy’s missing father. The weakness is the mantra that Jack instils in Archie to motivate him when running, which involves references to steel springs and leopards (an incongruous mix) and just doesn’t sound like the sort of thing that character would have said back in 1914/15 where the early part of the film is set. It almost feels like the film is trying to do an impression of Chariots of Fire (also 1981) in this respect; although as Chariots was released in May and Gallipoli in August of the same year, I guess that must just be coincidental.

The film then progresses to Archy & Frank’s journey across Australia to Perth. Having illegally jumped on a cattle train, without knowing its destination, they awake the next day to find that their carriage has been abandoned in a stockyard and the next train is 3 weeks away. At this point, they embark on a perilous foot journey across the desert. This is where the director really captures the heat and oppressive atmosphere and sheer scope of the Australian landscape, with plenty of wide panning and long-shots although, surprisingly, very few shimmering heat-wave at ground level shots. Maybe Mr. Weir thought the definitive heat wave long-shot had, famously, already been achieved by David Lean in Lawrence of Arabia (and nobody would seriously argue with that); or maybe he just didn’t have the right lens or camera to hand? Either way, we get the message that the duo are suffering from the heat and lack of water, and in very real danger of not surviving. Spoiler Alert: They do survive.

The desert journey plot leads to one of the very best scenes in the film when, by pure chance, they come across their saviour, a camel driver/traveller (beautifully played by Harold Baigent) who provides them with food and water. The scene around the campfire is brilliant. From the rancid, fly-infested meat that is offered to Archy & Frank – which nobody would eat unless they were starving – to the topic of conversation. Our heroes tell the traveller about going to Perth to enlist and join the war, to which he replies “What War”? When it is explained that Britain and its colonies, along with France and Russia, are at war with Germany, the traveller’s laconic response is simply…“I met a German once. Good fella, he was”. The subsequent conversation reveals the extent of the traveller’s ignorance – through no fault of his own – with regard to European nations and world geography, which just enhances how remote and out of touch the Australian hinterland would have been in those times. At one point he admits that he went to “a city” once, and “didn’t like it” – a speech that, funnily enough, is repeated virtually word for word in Crocodile Dundee which was released five years after Gallipoli.

The film then progresses to Archy and Frank’s attempt to join the glamorous Light Horse Regiment. Archy is underage, but that is overlooked because of his horsemanship, while Frank’s lack of affinity with horses is shown up when he attempts the simple riding test that acts as an entry requirement for the regiment. Frank’s failure to get a horse even moving, causing much amusement for the other volunteers and army personnel. So, the two friends are separated and Frank eventually joins the less glamorous infantry, along with a bunch of old work mates he runs into in a Perth bar.

The Australian army is then shipped overseas to Egypt for basic training, before being deployed into the war zone. There are some very amusing scenes of the “fish out of water” type regarding the soldier’s adventures in a foreign land, their dealings with the locals and first experience of a foreign culture and, for some, their first time being away from home. Frank’s mate Snowy (David Argue) does a good turn as the suspicious of everybody xenophobe. Other good scenes in this part of the film include a misunderstanding about a market stall, the infantry men mimicking upper class British cavalry officers, and a memorable speech by an infantry medical officer about the dangers and debilitating effects of venereal diseases, which he knows will fall on deaf ears. The actors/soldiers all manage to convey the sense of that unique form of male bonding, good natured ribaldry, laddish behaviour, rowdiness and “no-worries” attitude (known as “larrikinism” in Aussie slang) that Australians have become associated with throughout the world.

In an attempt to relieve the boredom, the high-ranking officers arrange a fake battle in the sand dunes between the Light Horse (by now on foot) and Infantry regiments. This descends into a free-for-all punch-up, and then gets even more chaotic as the soldiers realise that by playing dead (i.e. a casualty of the fake battle), they will not have to run around in the intense heat – at which point an exasperated Sergeant screams “You can’t all be dead”! However, Archy and Frank are reunited during the fake battle, and Archy subsequently persuades his Commanding Officer to allow Frank to transfer to the Light Horse, on the basis that the cavalry units will not be using horses in the war zone and that Frank is a good runner and would make a good army foot messenger, a vital function in trench warfare. Frank joins the Light Horse much to the chagrin of his infantry buddies who think he is being a snob and just fancies himself in the ostentatious uniform – which he clearly does.

Eventually the troops embark on the journey to the Dardanelles peninsular, and this is where the serious part of the film takes hold. The historic reference point is the Battle of the Nek (from bottleneck) in the Gallipoli campaign, which in truth was a disastrous attempt to attack Turkish machine-gun armoured emplacements by means of an uphill infantry charge from the Allied occupied trenches. While this may seem like a ridiculous strategy to modern eyes, it should be borne in mind that the First World War was the first full-scale industrialised war, in terms of armaments, so there was precious little direct officer experience of that kind of warfare at the time. The Battle of the Nek took place on 7th August 1915, WW1 had begun in July 1914 and Turkey had entered the war in October 1914.   

One of my usual pet hates in “movieland” is glaring inaccuracies such a people using modern language in historical dramas, displaying modern sensibilities/political views that just wouldn’t have existed in the relevant era, etc. I think we all watch movies as a form of escapism, and to get fully immersed in the story and period being portrayed. Unfortunately, when a jarring inaccuracy occurs it throws your belief in the story and characters, which can ruin the rest of the film. Gallipoli, on the other hand, is in the very high percentiles for its historical accuracy and period detail, with just a few very minor tweaks to enhance the story and to emphasise the anti-war message.

So, some historical context. The Dardanelles campaign is often referred to as “Churchill’s folly”, or “Churchill’s biggest mistake” both of which are really misnomers. While it is true that the idea of attacking what he called “the soft underbelly of Europe” as an alternative to “chewing barbed wire” on the Western Front was Churchill’s idea – he was then First Lord of the Admiralty and, therefore, in charge of the Royal Navy – his idea was purely for a naval manoeuvre and attack. The idea being allied warships would progress through the Dardanelle Strait, bombarding the Turkish defences and then attack Constantinople/Istanbul from the sea. The overall aim (if successful) being to knock Turkey out of the war, and thus establish a second Eastern Front (Russia was already fighting on the first) from which to attack Germany, thus splitting the German forces.  However, many of the warships used were outdated and subsequently sunk by Turkish bombardment from the land and/or the mines the Turks had laid in the narrow straits. 4 warships were damaged by mines, 3 of them sinking, on just one day of the campaign. It was only after the failure of the initial naval attack that an amphibious landing of troops was conceived, and not by Churchill alone, but by the British War Council.

For those who like their numbers, in all somewhere in the region of 450,000 Allied troops took part in the Gallipoli campaign, including British, French, Australian, New Zealand, Indian and Canadian troops. The Allies suffered around 250,000 casualties 46,000 dead, and most historians estimate that the Turkish forces would have suffered similar casualty rates. Undoubtedly the Allies underestimated the strength of the Turkish fortifications and armaments, and their determination to defend their homeland at all costs. The campaign ended in a humiliating defeat and withdrawal of the allied troops after a year of fighting, for no real gain. Churchill was, (rightly or wrongly) largely blamed for the strategic debacle and resigned from his Admiralty post, and subsequently took command of an Infantry Regiment on the Western Front.

Returning to the film, the scenes prior to the battle depicting the landings, the day to day boredom of trench warfare (punctuated by periods of extreme stress and danger) and the gallows humour and fears of those involved are depicted well. The film shows that the troops fully realised what a bad strategic position they were in, encamped on a cliff face, with Turkish fortifications and machine guns occupying higher ground. Scenes such as the Aussie Insurance Policy raffle just emphasise the troops awareness of their own predicament.

Of course, the film focuses on Australian troops, when other nationalities were involved in the campaign, but this is an Australian film. Moreover, Gallipoli had a real significance in the development of Australia as a nation, because WW1 was the first time that they had entered the world political/military stage (and made a huge human sacrifice) as a relatively new independent nation, having gained independence from Britain in 1901. Which is why the Australian involvement in WWI is solemnly commemorated on Anzac Day (Australian & New Zealand Army Corps.) and other remembrance events. Nearly all the accounts of the war, both from participants and academic historians, pay tribute to the fighting skills, courage, audacious bravery, tenacity and sheer “bloody-mindedness” not to accept defeat of the Anzac troops. Therefore, it would be an act of gross impertinence to criticise an Australian film director for highlighting and celebrating those martial attributes.

In the film, Frank’s friends take part in an attack where one dies and one is so badly wounded that he is refused food and water in the makeshift hospital, thus raising Frank’s awareness of the scale of carnage. A word here about Frank’s mates, good acting throughout the film particularly the character of Billy (Robert Grubb) and Les (Harold Hopkins).

As the film builds towards the Battle of the Nek, and the disastrous infantry charges, Archy is offered another chance by his commander (an athletics fan) to act as a messenger/runner. He refuses saying he wants to take part in the battle, Frank is the only messenger we see in action. Confusion surrounds the whole enterprise, as telephone and written messages travel between the various commanders. The exact timing of the attack is not synchronised. An artillery attack that is supposed to accompany the first wave of Aussie troops going over the top stops too early, allowing Turkish troops to re-occupy their gun posts and trenches.

The commander in the Allied trenches, Major Barton, (another good performance by Bill Hunter as a fatherly figure concerned for his troops, but ultimately prepared to be sacrificed with them) attempts to relay the futility of the attacks to his superiors via Frank’s message carrying; after phone lines have been damaged. We see Frank dodging through heavily congested trenches while delivering messages back and forth. These scenes are accompanied by brilliant use of music from Oxygene II by Jean-Michelle Jarre – whose Dad, Maurice, also knocked out a few good film tunes in his time. Although Oxygene is a modern piece, and not composed as a film score, it perfectly captures the urgency, anxiety and dangerous nature of running messengers in trenches. There is even an underlying counterpoint that sounds like sniper shots and shrapnel blasts. This music is so appropriate, that I can even forgive the use of the ubiquitous Albinoni’s Adagio elsewhere.

The messages from the trenches are ignored by the superior commander, who cites reports of allied marker flags having been seen in the Turkish trenches, and demands Major Barton continues with the 2nd, 3rd & 4th waves of infantry attack, which Barton considers to be equivalent to murdering his troops. Frank then suggests Major Barton goes above his own superior’s head, in the hope the attacks will be called off, sending Frank on another important errand.

Once again, you can’t fault the historical accuracy, even if names of commanders have been changed, no doubt for fear of lawsuits. The Artillery did cease the bombardment early. There was a lack of synchronisation of commander’s watches, which led to that error. The real-life Acting Brigade Commander, Major-General John Antill, was given reports that marker flags had been seen in the enemy trenches, thus (mistakenly) leading him to believe that the attacks were successful and should be continued. There really were four waves of charges, even though those directly involved knew it was pointless after the first wave were slaughtered. Incredibly, there really was an order given for the troops to advance on one charge with bayonets only and no bullets in their rifles, meaning, technically, they could not fire at the enemy until being given a counter-manding order. The real trench commander Colonel Noel Brazier (Major Barton in the film) did call the attacks “bloody murder” and attempted to get them stopped by going to the overall commander Colonel Frederic Hughes who, according to historians, took much longer to come to a decision than depicted in the film.

The only slight quibbles I have, and I only mention them because I am British, is that we are told in the film that “the British are making tea on the beach” when in fact British troops were supporting the attacks in the actual events. And secondly, the Antill equivalent character in the film, Colonel Robinson (John Morris), is portrayed as an upper-class British Officer, when in fact all the Allied decision-makers in the real battle were Australian officers. However, this is a well-established movie and television trope, and us Brits are used to it; honest! Examples would be all of the bad Roman’s in Spartacus, Sydney Greenstreet’s villains in both The Maltese Falcon and Casablanca; George Sanders in All About Eve and voicing Shere Khan the Tiger in Jungle Book; right through to Stewie at his most evil in Family Guy…“What the deuce”! All villains with upper-class British/English accents. Talk about stereotyping.

That digression aside, the film makers seem to have done their research thoroughly in order to depict the communication failures, tactical errors, and the futile waste of life that occurred in the actual event. If you have any doubts about that I would refer you to the comments of the Australian war historian L. A. Carylon, who memorably described the combatants as “Lions led by Donkeys”. The same author is also equally scathing of the real-life commanders involved, stating that…”Hughes was the Brigade Commander and didn’t command; Antill wasn’t the Brigade Commander and he did”.

In the film, Frank finally gets a decision from the most senior officer and scurries back through the trenches. Meanwhile, Archy, Major Barton and their compatriots are about to go over the top, leaving written notes, their watches and other valuables pinned to their trenches. Yet again, this did really happen, indicating that the soldiers knew they probably weren’t going to survive. Frank is well aware that time is of the essence and is busting his lungs to get to Major Barton’s position, just as he is nearing the relative area, he hears the whistles being blown as the signal for the fourth infantry charge to go over the top. As viewers, we share his anguish at not making it in time and, of course, the hidden implication is that Archy, as the better runner, may have made it in time and thus altered the result.

At that exact same moment, Archy is seen nervously reciting that mantra to himself before leaving the trenches and running like mad towards the enemy position, seemingly without even carrying his rifle. Leading to the superbly poignant final frame of the film. If any slightly cynical movie viewers (and I would include myself in that group) think that scene is a bit far-fetched, guess what …think again! Apart from the silly leopard/steel springs mantra, the rest is almost certainly based on a true event. There are first-hand accounts from survivors of the battle, as well as the official history, “The Story of Anzac” by C.E.W Bean, where reference is made to  a soldier named Wilfrid Harper from Western Australia, serving with the 10th Australian Light Horse, who was killed in that final charge at The Nek. Wilfrid Harper was known for being a talented athlete and sprinter before the war, and according to the official account of the battle was… “last seen running forward like a schoolboy in a foot-race, with all the speed he could compass” (sic).

The losses at the Battle of The Nek may not have been the greatest in WWI, by comparison to the Somme, Ypres etc. on the Western Front, but the actual ratio of Australian casualties is horrifyingly alarming. The Light Horse (LH) Brigade consisted of 300 men from the 8th LH Regiment (234 casualties, of whom 154 were killed) and 300 men from the 10th LH Regiment (138 casualties, of whom 80 were killed).

Gallipoli, therefore, is a largely accurate depiction of a historical battle that is/was of great significance to Australia. Peter Weir has created a really good film that, without in any way minimising the tragic events and the huge sacrifices made, manages to pinpoint the accepted command errors, while maintaining the viewer’s investment in the story of the main characters. As such, this is a fitting tribute to those who made the ultimate sacrifice at The Nek, and a film that will probably remain meaningful for future, in a way that grainy footage written accounts from the actual events may not.

Gallipoli belongs firmly in the pantheon of great anti-war movies along with: All Quiet on the Western Front (original German version); The Big Parade; Paths of Glory; The Deer Hunter; Platoon and Born on the 4th July. There can be no finer praise for Mr. Weir’s film.

Rating: 5/5

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[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week twenty-five

capsule reviews of the pop songs which debuted on the billboard hot 100 the weeks of 30 June 2007 and 1 July 2017

30 June 2007

87) "Teenagers," My Chemical Romance

Y'know, I find Welcome to the Black Parade mostly disagreeable, but heck if this song ain't a bright spot, insofar as a song about bringing concealed weaponry of some kind to school is a "bright spot." (Hey, I dunno, if you have to add a disclaimer to the video saying "violence isn't the answer," you should consider a different song for the single? Just a thought, don't wanna backseat record executive, here, but that seems bad.) Like, apart from the "under your shirt" line, it's kind of a perfect angsty vibe, not Linkin Parky fml angst, more angsty in that eternally adolescent sense of "all adults are robots and I will never conform," it channels that really well, and it has a dope guitar solo. I don't think I've mentioned a guitar solo being fun, and I can't tell if that's because I don't typically care about guitar solos or this is the first memorable guitar solo we've gotten, but either way, best guitar solo of the project so far. I am spending a lot of time on this song because I'm like 60% sure it's gonna be the only song I like this week. (spoilers: it isn’t!)

93) "Imagine," Jack Johnson

You know what's another thing about "Teenagers?" Like, even before I ever listened to Welcome to the Black Parade, I could draw a line from "Welcome to the Black Parade" to "Teenagers." I could make sense of how "Teenagers" would fit in a narrative that began with "Welcome to the Black Parade," how that kid would become angry and sullen and start scaring adults. I wish more singles had some sort of thematic throughline, like I don't necessarily mean Future should write a rock opera, I mean that I should be able to get the sense that like "Shape of You" and "Castle on the Hill" are from the same album. But maybe I'm just projecting, maybe I'm stuck in MUSIC WAS BETTER IN 2007 mode when, as seen here, it clearly fucking wasn't.

94) "Shawty," Piles ft./T-Pain

wait hold up is that the "shawty, yeah-e-yeah, yeah" from the start of "i'm on the boat." did t-pain start all his features with "shawty yeah-e-yeah yeah" and i'm just noticing it now, or did t-pain reuse a run. anyway, piles is the goat: grossest of all time. he drops bars that would make yachty wince. like, this is just the first verse: "i pointed at the donk & told her this s'posed to be yours/showed her a couple stacks and told her i'd let her blow it" what body part is the donk in this context. if piles calls his dick 'the donk' i might throw up, especially since he believes being able to suck on it is a wonderful privilege. "i taught her how to talk to me while she take pipe" well, communication is key to any healthy relationship, i'm glad piles understands its importance "i gotta train her, now she suck me with ice" oh okay that's cool, yeah no, women need to be trained to give pleasure, i get it, totally, chill attitude that was the first verse. piles is the worst. i can't believe we squandered this hook and the "bust it baby, pt. 2" hook on this gross gross boy. oh hey second verse "member she used to run from me, now she like pain" cool. coooooooooooooooooooooooool. what a song!

no updates to the 2007 top 20 week but we’re gonna publish the top 20 because i didn’t last week and you may have forgotten 20) "Get Me Bodied," by Beyonce (5.26.2007) 19) "Lip Gloss," by Lil Mama (6.9.2007) 18) "I Don't Wanna Stop," by Ozzy Osbourne (5.26.2007) 17) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 16) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 15) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 14) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 13) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 12) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 11) "Never Again," by Kelly Clarkson (5.12.2007) 10) "Can't Tell Me Nothing," by Kanye West (6.16.2007) 9) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 8) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 7) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 6) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 5) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 4) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 3) "Beautiful Flower," by India.Arie (6.16.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) i still enjoy all 20 of these songs. alright, 2017, low bar for ya. maybe you wanna clear it?

1 July 2017

16) "2U," David Guetta by ft./Justin Bieber

There's something I really don’t like about Justin Bieber saying "Watch me speak from my heart when it comes to you," and then having that line immediately followed by an EDM drop. Like is the drop supposed to be a substitute for words? Is the drop supposed to communicate what's in Justin Bieber's heart? Because all I hear from the drop is "what a nifty drop I am!" But this feels less like a criticism than it does like pedantry. It's OK. David Guetta is a proven programmer of pop music, and this is another solid song that he has made that I wouldn't have been able to pin to David Guetta if I listened to this blind.

70) "Love Galore," by SZA ft./Travis Scott

Worth pointing out that the first autocomplete result for love galore is "love galore travis scott," which is cool. I'm also gonna cop to having this album in my library but letting it sit because there's so much else I have to get to and this wasn't a priority. This song doesn't move the album higher in my queue, but it does have me excited to get to it. This is a dope song, this portrait of an awful relationship neither party much wants to be in, but are staying together because they love each other, whatever that means. SZA regrets hooking up with Travis Scott, Travis Scott admits he was only looking for ass and titties, they both operate independently of one another, but there's love, so there's that. And then the end, when that extremely pleasant bass line disappears, there's that single note on the keyboard and SZA going "woah," then that beat switch into SZA saying "I came here to have sex with you, and if it weren't for that, I wouldn't be here," that's just so cool, like this song is complex and intricate and it does the thing "4 AM" did last week where the music occasionally goes out of tone and it does that thing to great effect. SZA's dope. I'm excited for whatever time I get to spend with her in the future. ...OK. OK, fine, I'll fucking leave this nice dark place and go to countrydudetopia.

79) "Do I Make You Wanna," by Billy Currington

Time for a YAS REWIND, because remember last week when we talked about how many people have made it from the 2007 Hot 100 to the 2017? THIS IS RELEVANT TO THAT, because Billy Currington just became the 29th member of the Decade Dance Party! We will share the full list later in this post, because there are only 10 songs this week and most of them blow so I'ma give you some other #content this week, but it's worth noting right here that 9 of the 29 members of Decade Dance Party are country dudes. You drive down enough dirt roads, you're gonna get stuck in the mud at some point. This is a song in which Billy Currington asks his girlfriend if he makes her feel complete and safe, which is either incredibly arrogant or pathetically needy.

89) "Escapate Conmigo," by Wisin ft./Ozuna

HELL YEAH LATIN POP. Gosh, the renewal of Latin pop as a thing we listen to has been one of the best things about doing this silly thing. Like, all the Latin pop is my second favorite thing about YAS, just ahead of Kendrick week but, let's be real, a million miles behind Ashley Tisdale's cover of "Kiss the Girl." This is such a nice song. The beat bounces nicely, Wisin's flow is like "what if Lin-Manuel Miranda rapped in Spanish and was also good" (like maybe it's been a while since I heard that dude rap, but they sound so very alike), and it has one of the best mis-translated lyrics of the year with "My supergirl/The one whose smiles steal me/Tremendous wolf." Tremendous wolf. I adore that.

93) "What Ifs," by Kane Brown ft./Lauren Alaina

I see you, dude. First off, this dude's voice is incredible. Like, after listening to dude after dude either whispering softly over EDM or bleating twangily over the country beat, hearing this dude belt was An Experience. I wish the production would calm down a little bit, like this dude and Lauren Alaina could have made this song an epic ballad on their own, but nah, gotta have the electronic drums spoil a perfectly good opening guitar line, gotta have the standard pop/country things choke the life out of what could've been some cool moments. This dude's a lot like that Luke Combs fella from a few months back, not stylistically or anything, just in the sense that I bet he's cooler than he is on this song, and I trust he's not just some bro country yutz, but I'm not in any rush to check out what else he's got, despite how appealing the song title "Used to Love You Sober" is.

95) "It's a Vibe," by 2 Chainz ft./Ty Dolla $ign, Trey Songz & Jhene Aiko

This was also OK! As stated, this song was a vibe, and gosh darn, if it didn't do much more than vibe, though. A fun way to kill three minutes, a less than fun thing to listen to if you're charging yourself with the task of coming up with some unique point to make about it for to generate likes and the whatnot. S'a'ight, y'know? I'm supposed to write, what, 100 words about something thats'a'ight? I mean, I don't have to, no one ever asked me to and they clearly don't want me to, but like. It's a vibe! It's another one. Fuck it, I don't, sigh, just give me the country dudes and let's get out of this actually-pretty-decent week.

100) "It Ain't My Fault," by Brothers Osborne

OK. OK! OK, hell yeah, no, I'm sorry for calling you country dudes, 'cuz hot damn, this was great. Like, Chris Stapleton gets a lot of hype for making classic country music, but he only makes the sad slow acoustic country music, and like Johnny Cash had "Folsom Prison Blues" and "A Boy Named Sue," y'know? Not to compare this song to those, but this is uptempo classic country, this is classic country with got damn STOMP, and it's dope as hell.

Two new songs in the Top 20 for 2017! 20) "It Ain't My Fault," by Brothers Osborne (7.1) 19) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 18) "Felices los 4," by Maluma (6.3) 17) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 16) "Love Galore," by SZA ft./Travis Scott (7.1) 15) "Bad Liar," by Selena Gomez (6.3) 14) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 13) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 12) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 11) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 10) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 9) "Strangers," by Halsey ft./Lauren Jauregui (6.17) 8) "Either Way," by Chris Stapleton (5.27) 7) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 6) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 5) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Hard Times," by Paramore (5.13) I bumped “Selfish” this week. I have no idea how that happened. 2017′s slowly becoming stacked, and/or I’m an idiot.

Who won the week?

2017. Like? 2017.

2017: 13 2007: 12

Yooge opportunity for 2017 to widen this gap, too, so I’m stoked for a solid two weeks of Chainsmokers songs and memes. Anyway, THE IMPORTANT THING.

The Decade Dance Club

30 people have made or been featured on songs that charted in the years 2007 and 2017. They are: 1) Daddy Yankee (”Impacto,” “Shaky Shaky”) 2) Dierks Bentley (”Free & Easy,” “Black”) 3) Luke Bryan (”All My Friends Say,” “Fast”) 4) Gucci Mane (”Freaky Gurl,” “Make Love”) 5) Jason Aldean (”Johnny Cash,” “Any Ol’ Barstool”) 6) Lil Wayne (”Sweetest Girl” (feat), “Running Back” (feat)) 7) Missy Elliott (”Let it Go” (feat), “I’m Better”) 8) Maroon 5 (”Makes Me Wonder,” “Cold”) 9) Nick Jonas (”Year 3000″ (w/jobros), “Bom Bidi Bom”) 10) DJ Khaled (”We Takin Over,” “Shining”) 11) Beyonce (”Get Me Bodied,” “Shining”) 12) Jay-Z (”Blue Magic,” “Shining”) 13) Linkin Park (”What I’ve Done,” “Heavy”) 14) Rihanna (”Umbrella,” “Selfish” (feat)) 15) Josh Turner (”Me & God,” “Hometown Girl”) 16) Rick Ross (“We Takin Over” (feat), “Trap Trap Trap”) 17) Faith Hill (”I Need You,” “Speak to a Girl”) 18) Tim McGraw (”I Need You,” “Speak to a Girl”) 19) Miranda Lambert (”Famous in a Small Town,” “Tin Man”) 20) Enrique Iglesias (”Dimelo,” “Subeme la Radio”) 21) Flo Rida (”Low,” “Cake”) 22) Kenny Chesney (”Beer in Mexico,” “Bar at the End of the World”) 23) Paramore (”Misery Business,” “Hard Times”) 24) Miley Cyrus (”Nobody’s Perfect,” “Malibu”) 25) Blake Shelton (”Don’t Make Me,” “Every Time I Hear That Song”) 26) Shakira (”Beautiful Liar,” “Me Enamore”) 27) Rascal Flatts (”Stand,” “Yours if You Want It”) 28) Trey Songz (”Can’t Help But Wait,” “Nobody Else But You”) 29) Billy Currington (”Good Directions,” “Do I Make You Wanna”) 30) Wisin (”Sexi Movimento,” “Escapate Conmigo”)

Shout out to Wisin for making the list, too! So that’s 30, out of hundreds, who have had a career on the pop charts that spanned a decade. Specifically, the last ten years, there’s a few folks who’ve charted in 2017 that didn’t chart in 2007 despite being things back then, such as Darius Rucker, Eminem, John Legend, Mariah Carey, and Pharrell Williams. There’s also some folks who hit in 2008 that have hit in 2017, your Katy Perries and Ladies Antebellum, that cannot make this list because, hey, it’s kind of a dumb list. But music is dumb, and this list should illustrate how hard it is to last in the music business (unless you’re a dude who makes country music), which is why it’s vitally important we spend hours and hours dissecting Lil’ Yachty lyrics.