#the only reasons he eats pasta is that without that or rice he literally becomes a skeleton in 2 days and god i still remember the days

[coffeeworldsasaki]

My dog is currently doing an hunger strike to fight against the great injustice of having to eat rice instead of pasta, keep him in your prayers

[1dclicheficfest]

The time has come, my dears! We’ve compiled, organized and sorted your submissions and we’re ready to share them! We’ve had so much fun reading your clichés and we hope it’ll give you a good laugh.

Important disclaimer because it has to be said: we do not endorse any of the clichés submitted and these are not meant to spark Discourse™ . This is all in good fun, to spark your imagination and perhaps inspire some prompts!

Before we get to the fun part, don’t forget that prompt submissions open on February 1st and will run until March 28th. The full schedule can be found here.

And now, without further ado, here are your brilliant clichés.

HARRY

Green eyes

Huge eyes

Dimples

Always smirking

“The flirt”

Jobs: Works in a flower shop/Used to be a baker/Frat boy/LA socialite/Mermaid

“Quirky”

Clumsy/balance issues

Health nut/Workout junkie/Eats a lot of avocado and kale/loves yoga/gross green health smoothies

Very slow speech

Paints his nails

Beautiful long luscious curly hair

Long legs/large hands

Tall/large/big

Nudity/loves walking around starkers

Obsessed with being pregnant/babies

Kind to everyone

Bites his lip a lot

Tells terrible jokes/loves puns

Naive and oblivious

Clothing: Pearl necklace, Chelsea boots/gold boots/boots in general/Gucci everything/Flared, high-waisted trousers/’red and black sheer floral shirt with black skinny jeans’

Always unbuttons his shirt to show off tattoos

Baby seal laugh

Bad at driving

Hipster/takes artsy photos

Acting out for attention/Petty jealousy for no reason or because of a misunderstanding or when anyone comes near Louis

Bad dancer that gives it his all/makes awkward shapes with his limbs when trying to dance

Cat mom/Wine aunt

Resting bitch face

Rides a motorcycle

LIAM

Little clueless

Insecure

Louis is constantly messing with him

Roommates with Louis

Puppy/a lost puppy/puppy in human form/puppy eyes/puppy who doesn’t know how hot and strong he is/loves puppies

Manly muscle man/buff af/loves working out/sweet himbo beefcake

Bullied in the past

Giant heart/incredibly kind/soft/super loyal

Worry-wart/mother hen of the band/gets nervous when things don’t go to plan

Voice of reason/the responsible one/Daddy Direction/level-headed/most serious of the five/keeps the others grounded

Doesn’t know how to let loose and have fun

Lacking in experience/innocent about sex things

Oblivious to his feelings/other people’s feelings for him

Jobs: Firefighter/boxer/athlete

Super soft for Zayn

Protective

“Wants to cry as soon as Louis opens his mouth and doesn’t know if it’s because he’s scared, because it’s too funny, or because he just can’t handle any of it.”

Fear of spoons

Timid/

“being very shy/awkward in the beginning and then getting more confident because of Louis”

Snake habitat turn around!

Can’t spell

His turtle losing a foot

“Smelly pasta house”

Loves batman

Being alpha in ABOs

Unruly curly hair then trimmed to a crisp buzz

LOUIS

Blue eyes: ocean blue/blue as the sky on a sunny winter day/twinkle eyes

Arse and/or tummy as a defining feature

Sassy/sass master/feisty/snarky/cheeky/witty/playful/funny/sarcastic/joker

Flamboyant

Heart of gold/”Louis IS the sun”

“Does not suffer fools gladly (that’s your job you fooking loosah)”/hot-headed to pick fights only in defense of those he loves

Protective/Mama bear/loyal/Daddy of the group

Small/Dainty stature emphasized

Runs fingers through his fringe/hair always styled

Jobs: Footie player, teacher, drama teacher, actor, plays in a band

Loves music and writes songs

Plays footie (even if it’s not his job)

LOUD

Can’t cook/chicken wrapped in parma/”Can’t cook to save his life and if he does the kitchen ends up in flames”

Soft with Harry

School: Studying drama, being the bad boy, pop!punk Louis

Bratty/petty/snappy

Smoking

Zayn’s partner in crime

Rooms with Liam

Calls everyone ‘love’/uses too many terms of endearment

Yorkshire accent emphasized/always talks about Doncaster

Clothing: Vans or Adidas shoes/Toms/trackies/braces/red jeans/dressing in comfortable clothes only/no socks/scarf

Very good with kids/loves kids/family-oriented/looking after siblings/having a huge family

Eats junk food only

“The gay who cannot drive”

NIALL

Drinks a lot/Drinks everyone under the table because he’s Irish/Guinness lover/fun drunk/Will sing Gaelic folk songs when drunk/big social drinker-always making friends via alcohol/will kiss anyone when drunk

Food: Eats all the food/doesn’t season his food/loves Nando’s/”100% will take the last slice of pizza and not feel bad about it”/can and will eat you out of house and home/actually eats and cooks healthy but everyone thinks the opposite

Irish/Irish and proud/Wey Hey lads!/leprechaun Niall

Carefree/nothing bothers him

Romantic: falls fast and hard

Captain Niall!/Captain of the ship(s)

Music: guitar always present/Goes into the zone when he has an instrument in his hands - nothing will distract or get through to him/The Eagles fanboy/Damien Rice fanboy

Funny/always laughing/joking around/head back cackle of a laugh

Single/hooks up with a ton of people but no serious relationships/sleeps around/Serial Ladies man/Friends with benefits with multiple people at once/

Turns up the charm 100% and never half-asses it/”Scrunches his hair in thought and knows he looks cute doing so (like girls that purposefully bite their lip)”

Friends with literally everyone/has a thousand surface-level friends that think they’re close to him but keeps all at arm’s length/the greatest friend but also pickiest about who he becomes friends with

Clothing: Constantly shirtless/shorts over trousers/flip-flops as house shoes/gold chain/coin necklace/hoop earring/”golf dad that tucks in his shirts and unironically wears polos”

Obsessed with golf and football/practices his putt in the hallway with an empty loo roll

A bro

Secretly insightful/Tactless but gives essential advice as a result

Secretive/keeps his shit quiet/Definitely the guy with the most secrets

The blond one

Hairy chest

Worst poker face

Finger guns/peace signs

Blushes when he’s excited

Adores Shawn and Lewis

Cares a lot about what others think

Says no judgment but really judges a lot/judges you based on music taste

Rings in at 0 on the gaydar but could surprise you/the only het one

Tries to avoid conflict by remaining ‘on the fence’ and not picking a side

Always the roommate

Face mask selfies

Emotions rotate between sad, sexy, and fun - combination vary

Never a villain

Close with Harry

“Violent masturbating in the next room”

Constant pet names for everyone/”Even has pet names for his devices (like his vacuum robot”

ZAYN

Super smart/nerd/wise/The Ravenclaw

Smokes a lot

Secretly very soft/gentle/biggest heart/”His confidence and aloofness hide a sensitive heart of gold”/Bad boy secretly soft

Heart-eyes at Liam/Soft with Liam/”Lee-yum”

Mysterious eyes

Best friends with Louis

Jobs: Artist, tattoo artist, English teacher who loves art, works in comic book store,

Shy/withdrawn/mysterious/brooding best friend/quiet/”Seems intimidating until you realize he’s just shy”/bad boy outside, soft boy inside/”not as cool as he seems but way sweeter”

The artistic one/tortured artist/art student/skater/also does graffiti/spray-paint

Marvel fan/comic book fan/superhero fan

Clothing: Wears his clothes like armor/leather jacket/”He’s the only one with good taste and he knows it”

Most ‘devil may care’ about his sexuality

Family-oriented/family man

Involved with his religion

Model figure/carved by gods/vain but not obnoxious about it

Catchprase is ‘sick’

Needs time alone to recharge

Changes his hair a lot/that one strand of hair that falls over his eyes

Thinks Malibu is called Malabami

“Eats candy underwear off of Harry’s crotch”

[thescentifollow]

Sudden Realization

Yugyeom x Reader

Genre: Fluff / long-time boyfriend Yugyeom au

Word count: 1398

You don’t normally make plans for Christmas because you prefer to spend it with family. But this year, you made plans for the first time, with your boyfriend, Yugyeom.

Even though you have been dating for 2 years now, it’s going to be your first vacation alone. Getting excited was inevitable. While you were putting your charger and power bank on your backpack, you heard a knock at the front door. You rushed to the door and he smiled upon seeing your face.

“Hi, baby.” You greeted him with a quick kiss.

“Hi, love.”

“Give me a minute, I’ll go get my backpack. Oh, can you take that one?” You pointed out the duffel bag next to the door.

“Yes ma’am. Don’t rush yourself, we still have some time.” You nodded and went upstairs quickly.

Your parents heard you guys talking and they immediately recognized the owner of the voice. They invited him inside warmly. He entered the living room and greeted them respectfully. He has been like this since day 1. You have never seen him being disrespectful to your parents or to his own. And that is one of the countless charms he has. And that’s also the reason why your parents adore him.

When you came back with your backpack, your parents and Yugyeom were talking about his new choreography. As they were quite focused on his moves as he explained them, no one paid attention to your existence there. You didn’t say anything either and watched them for some time. You thought about how lucky you were and without knowing you were smiling. Then Yugyeom grabbed your suitcase and you were back to the real life.

“Come on, silly.” He giggled and took your backpack. It made your parents laugh.

He said goodbye to them respectfully and went to the car to place down the bags.

“I’ll be there in a second.”

You turned to your parents and said: “I’m sorry that I can’t be with you guys this year. Merry Christmas.” You hugged them tightly.

“Go and have fun, don’t worry. Merry Christmas honey.” Your mom said and your dad continued,

“I’ll cook for your mom, it’s a shame that you’ll miss it.”

“Yeah, what a shame.” Your mom said jokingly and rolled her eyes.

“Go now, you’re going to be late.”

“Okay, I love you guys.”

“We love you too, honey.” You were sure that your mom was going to start crying as soon as you set off.

While you were fastening your seatbelt, you felt your boyfriend’s gaze on you.

You asked him jokingly: “What are you looking at?”

He just smiled and said: “It’s just I am excited.”

On the road you guys were listening to your favorite indie band, 10cm. Since the albums mostly contain soft songs, you eventually fell asleep. The moment Yugyeom realized it, he stopped the car to take a picture of you. Trying to hold back his laughter, he continued driving.

When you opened your eyes, you were alone in the car. You looked around through the window and saw that you were at a gas station, literally in the middle of nowhere. The door was locked, so, you started to feel a little worried. Your eyes looking for Yugyeom outside, you started waiting. After a few seconds he came out holding a cup of coffee. He was talking to someone on the phone, while walking to the car. The moment he saw you awake, he smiled widely.

“You’re finally awake.” He said as he fastened his seatbelt and gave you the coffee he just bought.

“Was that for me?” You knew that it wasn’t but still asked him playfully to see his answer.

“Of course. I knew when you were going to wake up.” He answered in a know-it-all manner.

“It’s okay, we can share it.” Even after two years, such trivial words coming from you make his heart melt. He patted on your head and started driving.

“Who were you talking to?” You took a sip and asked.

“Mom just called for the seventh time.” You didn’t understand why he got annoyed this much and laughed.

Being called more than a few times was understandable in this situation, because it was snowing on the way. They just want to make sure everything is fine.

“Are we close yet?” You asked looking out the window.

“Only 30 minutes left, ma’am. He is adorable when he speaks formally all of a sudden.

The chalet you’ll be staying at was your cousin’s parents’. Since she left for Switzerland to spend the Christmas with her aunt, it was all yours. Yugyeom wanted to take the suitcases upstairs as soon as you guys arrived but you insisted on doing it later and eating dinner first. He was about to whine but then his stomach rumbled.

You laughed. “See, your body agrees with me?” He finally gave in and followed you to the kitchen.

None of you were great at cooking. You could only cook basic things, such as pasta, scrambled eggs and rice. He was worse. Every time he tried to cook his mom would go crazy eventually. And one day, he stopped trying entirely. Thankfully, your cousin knew about this and left you amazing dishes in the refrigerator. All you had to was to microwave them.

While going here and there in the kitchen, Yugyeom watched you from the back leaning on the wall.

At this trivial moment, he realized that you were the most precious person to him. He tried to think of the times before you started darting but he couldn’t. You were the beginning for him.

The days he spends with you are the ones he enjoys the most, even though you don’t do much. Just being with each other is enough. He came to realize that all along he was living his dream life with you.

After watching you a few more minutes, he came to a decision.

You were preparing a salad bowl when he hugged you from the back. His action didn’t surprise you at all, he’s always on you. He kisses your head constantly; he wraps his arms around you suddenly… He’s like a puppy, just likes being by your side while you do your chores and these chores suddenly become bearable. Since you were used to this, you didn’t pay much attention and continued preparing side dishes.

Seeing you unbothered he started speaking with a soft and a low voice.

“It would be great seeing you every evening like this.” He kissed you behind your right ear and you were swooned. It was your weak spot and of course he knew it. His arms still wrapped around your waist and his face on your shoulder.

“At my place.” You were taken aback by these words. He turned you to face him and looked you in the eye. His gaze on you was gentle and a little unconfident.

“What do you say?” He pushed a strand of your hair between your ear and reached to kiss you. The kiss was deeper and lasted longer than you expected.

To be sure what he meant you asked. “Do you mean… Do you want to… like move in together?”

He nodded slowly and smiled. “I have been living in heaven with you, now I realize it. You are the most precious thing in my life. When you’re not with me, my house feels cold and lonely. It doesn’t even feel like it’s mine. It means nothing. But with you it feels like home.”

He took a deep breath. “You are home.” He was about to repeat the question he asked earlier. Not giving him a chance, you place a kiss on his lips, then a quick one on his nose. He smiled foolishly without even opening his eyes. Even though he knew the answer, he needed to hear it.

You whispered to him,

“I would love to.” Upon hearing the answer, which he expected, he lifted you suddenly and started spinning. You both were love drunk at that moment and laughing joyfully.

After feeling nauseous and exhausted he stopped, and you both just sat on the floor. Between breaths he turned to you. His eyes were shining like the moon and the stars. He looked deeply in your eyes, with a big smile on his face. And he said only one thing.

“Thanks.”

masterlist

[jeanjauthor]

This is it, folks.

This is the genuine explanation of why you “get hungry an hour after eating Chinese food.”

Writers, read through it to understand what your characters will be going through, based on their dietary choices.

And yes, vegans, you can survive on a no-animal-protein diet, but your nutritional needs will be difficult to meet in full...especially before the modern invention of dietary supplements and fortified foods.

Why do I bring that up?  Because it’s important for writers to know these things when they’re describing the diets of their characters as they grow up.

Someone raised on a diet of rice and greens and vegetables will not be as tall or muscular as someone who had regular access to things like calcium and proteins from milk, fish, eggs, and so forth.  Also, those who grow up on a low-fat diet will risk not having their full physical development, either, as fat is a huge energy source that is far easier to burn than going through all the trouble of burning through over twice as many carb calories to create the same amount, gram for gram, of fat calories...and on top of that, your brain NEEDS healthy fats, including fish oil and animal fats, to develop properly.

If a writer wants to write someone growing up “a healthy young farmboy/farmgirl” or whatever... we need to know that this means a well-rounded diet, including various sources of protein & fats as well as various starches & nutrient-rich but calorie-poor vegetables & greens.

We also need to know what being deprived of these things can do to a growing child’s body.  In the Collegium Chronicles series (Valdemar universe) by Mercedes Lackey, the character of Mags was severely starved as a child sent to work as a mine slave, before being rescued to become a Herald of Valdemar.

Why is this relevant?  The books talk about how his growth was stunted as a youth...which would be accurate...but at one point, the author (much as I love her work) failed.  (*mild spoiler, the books have been out for years now*)  Mags winds up discovering he has a cousin named Bey, who looks almost exactly like him, enough that people would do double-takes...but nowhere is it mentioned that Mags is shorter than Bey.

Mags should be shorter than Bey, because Bey was not raised a mining slave on a starvation diet of a couple slices of badly made barley bread and cabbage soup that was far more water than anything else.  It should be mentioned.  But it isn’t, not even once.  And Mags is a character who was trained to be observant of others.  Including how to imitate them, as a spy-in-training.  If he’s such a good observer and imitator, he should’ve thought at least one time that “My cousin is a thumb-length taller than me!” or “over a finger-length taller!” to help indicate how much his poor early diet stunted his growth.

However, the Lackey lass slacked on the job, and the story lacks for that particular observation, alas.  (This is not to say I’m perfect in writing, but to say that we all have to keep an eye out for this kind of stuff.  Continuity is important, and breaking continuity will drive your readers nuts.  With me, it’s a short drive to begin with, so it obviously didn’t take much, lol.)

Anyway, when you’re creating your worlds and your cultural foods, be aware of how a surfeit or a lack of key elements in a well-rounded diet can cause problems.  Because vegan isn’t the only problematic diet:  Ketogenic diets (heavy in meat & fat but very low in carbs) are also problematic for growing young bodies, because they lack certain other essential nutrients.

It’s very difficult to put on weight on a ketogenic diet, and growing kids literally need to put on weght. That’s the literal definition, part & parcel, of growing.  Reserves of fat (”baby fat”) are vital for young bodies, because when a kid hits a major growth spurt, the thing that will keep them healthy is their fat-reserves that they’ve built up to that point.  That is why healthy kids don’t lose their baby fat until their late teens to early twenties.  (Our bodies don’t finish maturing, including our brains, until our early to mid twenties.)

And when it comes to infants in a starvation situation, if they start out with reserves of literal baby fat, they can survive a long time on just water, longer than kids through to adults with far less useful reserve ratios of body fat to muscle, bone, organs, etc.

Diet is important, folks.  Diet shapes your genealogy.  When nutrition was being studied in earnest in the mid 1900s, and being paired up with paleontology & archaeology, scientists realized that hunter-gatherer societies--rich in proteins, fats, carbs, and a wide variety in diets, with children being raised on breastfeeding for a couple years at a time--grew very tall and muscular.  Comparatively, agricultural groups who relied primarily and heavily upon grain as the greatest bulk of their diets tended to be short and slight by comparison. 

This is how you got very tall Celts, versus very short Romans...who thought the very tall, woad-dyed Celts of the British Isles, with enough fat on their bodies to shirtlessly withstand the cold northern air compared to Romans used to Mediterranean heat, were Frost Giants.  (Seriously, they believed that for a little while.)

By the same token, in the 1800s when everyone in America was relying mostly upon grains and legumes that could be stored long-term, with only a few things pickled and preserved, with meat difficult to come by in large quantities and hard to preserve long-term...a lot of people were short.  But after the introduction of refrigeration techniques and foods being shipped in from all over the place, Americans in the 1900s started growing taller & taller, thanks to the variety in their diets.

In just 5 generations, American males grew a full 5 inches (roughly 13cm), going from an average of 5′5″ to 5′10″ in height, and a lot of that had to do with the lowered prices & heightened availability of meat, cheese, eggs, fish, & the shifting of chickens from being primarily egg layers to being egg layers, friers, roasters, and more.  (Speaking of which, writers, prior to industrialized agriculture, chickens, ducks, & geese were kept & bred for their eggs far more than their meat.)

So when it comes to “starving an hour later” after eating a particular type of food...you may not have realized that pasta will make you feel this way, too, especially if it’s low on the meat & cheese.  Same goes for cereal eaten without sufficient milk--oh sure, rice crispy treats are delicious, but you will feel hungry an hour later, if that’s all you have.  It’s not just Chinese food...and it happens for the exact same reasons why.

[mangohealth]

My 13 Favorite Low-Carb Foods (and 3 to Avoid)

Finding low-carb foods that actually taste good and aren’t chock full of fake, chemical-laden ingredients is a tough pursuit—one I’ve been on since I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes nearly twenty years ago. But I never gave up! And now I’m going to share a few of my favorite products and recipes that will help you keep your carb intake low, keep your tastebuds happy, and fill your body with mostly whole, real delicious food!

Soft & Fluffy Bread Rolls from The Diet Doctor (recipe)

These are a staple in my house. I eat two or  to three small rolls every day and let me tell you, not only do I not need insulin for them (unless I melt some chocolate chips on top in the microwave), they also make your digestive tract sing thanks to all that fiber. While you may have to do a little shopping around to get the right ingredients (I highly recommend ordering Anthony’s almond flour and psyllium husk on Amazon for a good price), once you make them the first time, they become really easy. I make a double batch every few weeks and store them in the fridge and freezer so I can eat them every day!

Edamame Fettuccine Pasta from Seapoint Farms (product)

I’ve tried a lot of low-carb pastas. And there are a few good ones out there, but...this one is the best. First of all, you could eat half the box and only consume 22 grams of non-starchy carbs after subtracting the dietary fiber. The texture, the taste, the fact that you can’t over-cook it and accidentally turn it into mush—it’s just so good.  Even my stubborn father-in-law ate it and loved it! Honestly, I won’t bother buying any of my former low-carb pasta choices because this one is so exceptional.

Edible Cookie Dough from Lions Pack (product)

This peanut butter based “dough” is scary delicious. And sure, if you eat the whole jar, the carb count isn’t low anymore, but if you keep this tucked in the fridge for a spoonful (or two) after dinner each night as your “dessert,” the carb content is wonderfully low for something that tastes like a strawberry poptart or a s’more or a cinnamon roll or...Oreos!! Every flavor is gluten-free and vegan, and the flavor options are endless. It’s not cheap, but if it helps you stay on track and avoid the real Oreos, it might become a worthwhile staple in your home.

Bread, Bagels and More...from The Great Low-Carb Bread Company (product)

I love everything this company makes, but am especially impressed by the bagels -- which even my husband liked. Their breads are soft, fluffy, and look and taste like bread. Their low-carb recipe secrets focus primarily on a highly effective combination of oat fiber, almond flour, flax meal, and stevia. Did I mention many of their products are also gluten-free? Their hamburger buns and pastas won’t take away from enjoying those classic meals. They even have low-carb soft-pretzels. You’ve gotta check these out. Delicious, I promise!

Discover Chocolate from Discover Confectionery (product)

Oh, this stuff is good. Many of their flavors are deliciously unique (probably because this is a UK-based product), and it tastes and feels and looks like real chocolate! An entire bar will deliver about 13 grams of low-impact carbs, and is filled with real food ingredients--not chemicals and fake junk. The only flaw of this product is the price.

Flaxseed Muffin in a Mug from a variety of sources (recipe)

This muffin is one of my morning go-to recipes. It takes less than 5 minutes to make a single serving. It’s full of real ingredients, super healthy fats, lots of fiber, and sometimes...chocolate chips! Mix ingredients in a dry coffee mug. Microwave for 70 seconds. Pop it out onto a plate. Cut into 3 slices and add a little butter or...whatever! My favorite version of this includes a tablespoon of chocolate chips to get my chocolate fix without breaking the “carb bank.”

Quest Protein Bars from Quest Nutrition (product)

While I wouldn’t want to encourage using protein bars as a meal replacement (‘cause let’s be honest, they are definitely not made of “whole” food ingredients), these are a great go-to if you’re trying to avoid real desserts, or when you need on-the-go “Oh, my gosh, I’m starving” kind of food from the bottom of your bag. They come in a billion flavors, including birthday cake, cookies ‘n cream, and cinnamon roll. After subtracting the fiber, the remaining carbs are pretty low-impact, and they’re plenty satisfying.

Spiralized Veggies from a variety of sources (product)

Even if you don’t have the “as seen on TV” veggie spiralizer, you can buy pre-spiralized zucchini and carrots to make a your own low-carb “pasta.” (Yes, carrots contain some carbs, but hose carbs are coming from a source that’s a whole food, high in fiber, and packed with essential vitamins.) You can find them in the fresh produce aisle at your grocery store, or in the freezer section at Trader Joe’s, along with frozen cauliflower rice. Simply throw them in a large saute pan with a little oil, add some herbs or sauce, and you have a low-carb and super healthy “pasta” dish.

Really, Really Easy Breadsticks from Kirbies Cravings (recipe)

Ditch the starchy breadsticks and even the pizza crust and make this effortless zero-carb flatbread instead. Literally, you just toss eggs, cheese and herbs into a food processor. Zap zap zap. Pour that batter onto parchment paper in a cookie pan. Bake. Voila! 

Chia Seeds from a variety of sources (product)

Chia seeds are definitely trendy these days, but for a good reason: you can make delicious breakfast or dessert pudding with this little seed from Mexico. Soak in just a couple tablespoons overnight in your milk of choice (low-carb milks like coconut or almond would be ideal), and by morning you’ll find you have a thick cup full of chia seed pudding that only contains about 1 gram of carb after subtracting the fiber. You can make it sweeter with your preferred alternative sweetener, or jazz it up with a little peanut butter and a tablespoon of real chocolate chips. Checkout more easy recipe ideas from GnomGnom.

Zucchini Pizza Bites from LowCarbYum (recipe)

Honestly, you don’t even need to know how to read to make these. It’s so easy, and so customizable, too! Chop zucchini into medium-thickness slices and top with a little pasta sauce (check your label closely to avoid buying a high-sugar sauce), a little cheese and 1 slice of pepperoni per slice of zucchini. Pop them in the oven until the cheese is fully melted—delicious low-carb pizza night. Kids will like them. Picky husbands who don’t care about their carb intake will like them. I haven’t offered them to my father-in-law yet, but I bet he might even enjoy them, too!

Romaine Lettuce! No...seriously! Swap it for all bread....

The easiest way to cut the processed, starchy carbs from a sandwich or tacos or even a hamburger is to simply keep a giant stash of romaine lettuce in your fridge at all times. Lay strips of bacon with chopped tomatoes and mayo on romaine for a low-carb BLT. Ditch those corn-laden taco shells and turn Mexican night into a fresh crunchy salad by filling a bowl with fresh crunchy romaine lettuce. Add a little salsa, a little hot sauce, maybe a little more cheese...taco night never tasted so good! (And did you know, romaine lettuce is just as loaded with awesome nutrients as spinach and kale? )

3 “LOW CARB” FOODS TO AVOID

Shirataki Noodles

Okay, some people must love these, but I’m not one of those people. While they don’t contain carbs, these “noodles” are also  void of basically any nutrition whatsoever and come in smelly liquid with an unpleasant taste that takes a lot of rinsing and a lot of sauce to cover up. They also have a texture that makes me feel like I might be accidentally chewing on someone’s ear cartilage. If you’ve never tired, you should...at least once. But don’t surprised if you find yourself needing to make something else for dinner after the first bite.

Julian’s Bakery Breads from Julians Bakery (product)

These seem like a dream come true...before you’ve actually tasted them. I’m sorry to say that these extremely low-carb bread varieties are not only not tasty but even  hard to even swallow. I choked on the first bite, to be honest. They are dry, weirdly textured, and void of any real flavor (at least a flavor you’d enjoy eating). There must be diehard fans out there, because this company has been around for a while...but I’ve never met them.

Diet Soda

Many people will disagree with me on this one, but at least hear me out. A diet soda here and there--let’s say, once a week--is no big deal. But if diet soda has become your go-to source of hydration every day of the week, not only are you consuming a heck of a lot of chemicals, you’re also only going to make your sweet tooth crave more and more sweet things. When I finally quit drinking diet soda, things with no sugar in them at all started tasting deliciously sweet--like flavored seltzer with a dash of apple cider vinegar. There’s also a great deal of conflicting research on the safety of many artificial sweeteners, and on whether or not they may be increasing a person’s insulin resistance, because their bodies to need more insulin, not less.

About the author:

Ginger Vieira has lived with Type 1 diabetes and Celiac disease since 1999, and fibromyalgia since 2014. She is the author of Pregnancy with Type 1 Diabetes, Dealing with Diabetes Burnout, Emotional Eating with Diabetes, and Your Diabetes Science Experiment. Her background includes a B.S. in professional writing, certifications in cognitive coaching, Ashtanga yoga, and personal training, with several records in drug-free powerlifting. She lives in Vermont with her husband, their two daughters, and their dog, Pedro.

If you liked this post, you may also like:

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• Diagnosis: New Diabetes Doctor Needed

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The posts on this blog are for information only. They are neither intended to substitute for a relationship with your doctor or other healthcare provider, nor do they constitute medical or healthcare advice of any kind. Any information in these posts should not be acted upon without consideration of primary source material and professional input from one’s own healthcare providers.

[overdrivels]

The Way to a Heart (4)

<<Chapter 3

There’s a spot in the Watchpoint where there’s a perfect view of the horizon that separates the sky from sea, where the fishing boats can be seen bowing to the will of the waves, and the birds dot the skies like shooting stars. It's almost impossible to get to unless you are able to climb, jump, or fly (which an unfortunate amount of people are able to do here).

It’s one of the base’s precious few blind spots, safe from cameras and that intrusive AI. Oftentimes, Hanzo finds himself here after a quick trip to the kitchen for some perfectly brewed tea before he became more acquainted with the organization’s residents.

Today, he sits here with his terribly cheap, bitter tea, sipping it more out of comfort than for taste.

It really shouldn’t stay on his mind for as long as it did, but the lack of peppers in his dish is something he can’t get ignore or dismiss.

To say that it unnerved him is an understatement.

For an assassin, a detail like this could mean life or death. It's a sign that he's being observed far more closely than he would prefer, and it's a weakness that can be used against him.

There was a survey when he first arrived, asking if he had any allergies or dislikes. All of them were left blank—if he was being fed for free, there’s no reason for him to be picky about his meals.

But when was the last time he had eaten peppers? He had wracked his brain, trying to remember all of his previous meals.

His first meal here was katsudon with miso soup. The following meals were seafood, rice or pasta, but nothing stands out (except that lemon chicken stuffed with risotto, that was worth remembering if only for it's interesting execution). All he could really remember are the late night desserts—a single pan-fried red bean cake, jam cookies, lemon cookies, a scoop of ice-cream, a sliver of dense but decadent cheesecake.

Maybe it’s because it was absent that it never crossed his mind, and he never ate often enough with anyone else to notice when it was missing. Not until recently anyway.

Dinner is the same. He could've passed it off as a lucky guess or a coincidence or a forgetful mind, but not during dinner.

It was pepper steak. With no peppers. The taste was there, that acrid, bitter tang on his tongue, but he was spared from eating any of it. McCree and Pharah, on the other hand, had extra heapings, eating it like it was delicious.

But as far as his recent memory can recall, not once did he ever eat anything here that had peppers. So how did you reach this conclusion?  

Hanzo takes in a lungful of salty air.

Maybe it was his face. Or something common in all people who hate peppers. A look about them, perhaps. Similarly to how he could tell when someone is left-handed or right-handed, or whether they’d be an easy mark or not. Maybe you had the same understanding in your programming. Maybe there's a specific algorithm for people who hate them, or maybe--

“So this is where you have been all this time.”

Hanzo inclines his head to the side--“Genji.”--keeping his eyes out toward the sea.  

It’s an unspoken invitation to sit which Genji takes with a ridiculous grace that he wouldn’t never expected from the younger brother he once knew. (The Genji he knew would’ve just plopped down, no  grace or any finesse at all.)

He does his best to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that pools in his stomach and crawls up his skin.

“Brother, have you become more familiar with Overwatch?”

Hanzo still isn’t sure if he prefers to be called ‘brother’ or if he prefers ‘Hanzo’ coming from Genji. Neither seemed appropriate. The mechanical timbre is difficult to associate with the loud, reckless young man that Hanzo had to chase after in his youth (and then force him to sit in seiza while lecturing him).

His eyes drop down to the tea cup in his hand, the steeping teabag obscuring his reflection.

Since coming to Overwatch, there are several things that Hanzo required adjustment to.

Firstly, he realized his world is vastly different from the other agents’.

Hanzo understands that his life is different from the average person's, he knows this almost too well. No two person’s life is the same, not by any stretch of the word, but there was something that connected the other Overwatch agents in a way that he could not even begin to comprehend. (This is also one of the reasons why he feels closer to the Junkers and Satya than the rest.)

The difference did not become more apparent than when he went on his first group mission.

He had argued nearly every step of the way because Soldier: 76, the team’s acting leader, had planned a mission tactic that was a clear inefficient use of manpower--it would take far longer than necessary for a mission of this magnitude and runs the risk of being caught too soon. The hardened vigilante did not budge on any of his decisions. Even Hana, normally so rebellious and outspoken, only has a few snide remarks, but no outright opposition to Soldier: 76's tactics.

It leads to him grumbling on the plane, strapped in next to Hana who only half-listened to his griping.

"Why do you not argue his plans? You must also know that if we all gather at point C, it would increase the risk of being ambushed.”

Hana popped her gum nonchalantly with a gaze in her eyes that make him question the true age of this young woman. "Because," she said slowly, "he's the leader right now. What he says, goes."

"But there is a better way," he insisted. "If we drop each one of us at regular intervals between point C and E--"

"He is the leader."

"His plan takes too much time! It is not a proper method--"

A hard hand claps over his shoulder and he barely stopped himself from flipping that person over. Though, looking at whose wrist he grabbed out of instinct, he doubted it would go down so smoothly.

Zarya gives him a smirk and sits down beside him.

"You hear what he says, yes? We are all soldiers now. We must act like soldiers. Soldiers do not question their commanders or their leaders."

Hanzo has an insult at the ready in his mouth, a nasty retort about the Russian woman's homeland and its leader's current state of affairs, but the stinging of his shoulder keeps him from being unnecessarily callous. Especially not when this woman could knock the breath out of him without even intending to. He settled for some incoherent grumbling that had Hana smiling at him the whole time.

Though, it’s with begrudging reluctance that he admits the mission went off without a hitch under Soldier: 76’s strict instruction. Hanzo still insists it could’ve been done much faster if they had followed his suggestions instead.

(He doesn’t hate the old soldier. The man reminds him too much of his father—authoritative with that exact tone of voice that will not yield to anyone who back-talks him. It almost makes him feel like a little boy again. But perhaps, that’s why he’s so reluctant to accept the fact that Soldier was right.)

There is a lot more communication that he’s used to; he was forced to check in with everyone when he’s used to staying silent—his ears ring with the residual orders of the silver-haired soldier long after he’s taken out his earpiece. They were split into teams, coordinating with each other and taking their sweet time to secure the target. All of this is outside of Hanzo’s comfort zone; he prefers working alone, taking his victories alone, securing his superiority by his lonesome.  

It's through this mission that he realizes how different his life was--again, he knows the difference between himself and an ordinary person, but between assassin and military. There is a distinct difference in their discipline. When Soldier: 76 tells them to jump, there is no question that Hanzo would follow his orders, but not without a fuss. Hana and Zarya (among others) would do it without question because soldiers do not question their commanding officers.

Soldiers are not supposed to think. They must follow orders lest it get the whole squad or battalion killed.

Assassins must be thinking at all times. They are given free reign over a mission and are expected to take the best and quickest form of action with minimal instruction.

Everyone surrounding him was or is military. They all received the same type of instruction, something that he’s far removed from. He hasn’t gone on a mission with Genji yet, something he’s both grateful for and anxious, but he has no doubt that if he were to see him now, Genji would also exhibit hints of the same behavior.

Here, he is not in control, but in that same vein, he does not need to be in control.

Truthfully, it’s both irritating and comforting.

Speaking of irritating…

Another aspect of military life he does not quite have a taste for, literally: MREs, IMPs, ration packs, or  whatever you want to call them.

Sometimes, there is no restaurants nearby or any time to go out and grab any food during a lengthy mission. Granted, he’s only been on two of these—both were stakeouts.

Hanzo has done stakeouts before—an assassin’s job requires close monitoring of a target’s habits. He had long learned to carry odorless, easy to consume foods: onigiri, jelly-pouch drinks, bread. Now he has to accustom himself to the strange prepackaged crackers, dry meats that he’s supposed to warm up with a heat pack, and shitty desserts that makes him wish he were back at the base or in Japan where he had access to a conbini.

The disgust he feels each time he’s handed a ration pack does not escape anyone’s notice. (He’s teased about it by several people, and tolerates it from even less, vowing to save an arrow for each of them. It’d be a miracle if he didn’t start to have nightmares about the drab brown packages and its unappetizing contents.)  

However, the other members do not seem as adverse to it, even making comments about the packaging and cheerfully gossiping about how their rations are much different in their respective countries.

It makes the after-mission meals back at the base something to look forward to. (He’ll even tolerate the ridiculous amounts of butter you slather onto their meals if only to eat something that looks and feels like it hasn’t been chewed up and spat out by a bird.)  

Whenever a team returns from a mission, fresh food would already be prepared for them, piping hot and waiting no matter the time as if you already know when they'll return. Regardless of how tired he is, he’ll always force himself to trudge to the kitchen for a meal. Though, he prefers to have his meal alone and after a hot shower, he will eat his fill to make up for the sad excuse for rations he was forced to eat during his mission and possibly contribute to the strain of an already thin budget.

Budget--money--is another thing that he cannot get a satisfactory answer for.

Overwatch is a defunct organization that is outlawed all across the world. Anyone caught operating under the guise of Overwatch or supporting it could find themselves in a very, very uncomfortable position. It goes without saying that monetary help is also illegal.

So, it’s certainly a surprise to Hanzo when Winston—something else he has to get used to—gave him access to a private bank account with credits in it. The numbers on one of the many computer screens show the exact amount allocated to him.

“Sorry it’s so little,” Winston said as he rubbed the back of his head, “it’s all we can offer at the moment. It takes a lot to run everything.”

“You have money to give us?”

“Well, uhm, you guys need to be rewarded in some way, right? Think of it as a salary for yourselves.”

Hanzo flipped the card back and forth; the numbers on it shone in the dim light. It’s not as though he does not have any spending money for himself—he’s completed enough ‘jobs’ in the past ten years to sustain himself, and he’s sure that the other members are the same. (Not that he would ever tell anyone that--especially not Genji; he likes to have a positive balance on his accounts.)

“Where does this money come from?” He waved the card. “Surely the UN is not so incompetent as to miss any of Overwatch’s accounts.”

It’s fascinating to watch the gorilla’s fur rise up in alarm. Winston fumbled with his glasses, wiping them on his shirt as he speaks. “No. No, Overwatch’s assets were all seized during the…shutdown years ago. This money comes from donors heard about the Recall and who still believe in what we do.”

Hanzo’s eyebrows rose up. “’Donors who heard about the Recall’?”

“Yes.” Winston cleared his throat. “I understand that your skepticism of our current financial sources, but rest assured, we—we have it all taken care of. Nothing to worry about.”

He gave a poor attempt at an assuring grin.

“You are certain these ‘donors’ are trustworthy?”

For a second, the grin faltered. “Ab--absolutely. Athena has it all covered, no problems here!”

Hanzo did not need to be a master assassin or have experience as an older brother to know that Winston was hiding something important. This entire situation is suspect, and something in the back of his mind itches to know what, but he nodded slowly, pretending to understand.

The logo of the AI blinked innocently behind Winston. He doesn’t know how powerful it is, but it must not be any minor program if the international community has not yet come down upon them like a tidal wave.

Hanzo Shimada is confident in his ability to evade the law—he’s done it for a decade already and considers himself a little more seasoned than the rest. However, even he has no such confidence (not that he would ever say that out loud) about evading the entire world’s police force. (It would be a fun challenge worthy of his time, but he’s not particularly fond of fearing for his life at every waking and sleeping moment with little to no safe place in the world.)

Still, it’s another thing he adds onto his list of things to think about when he’s not sleeping, and another reason to feel that this new Overwatch is a fawn still new to its own feet (and that coming here was quite possibly a mistake).

“I am adjusting fine,” Hanzo says finally.

Genji gives him a long, long stare, indicative of his disbelief. Hanzo pointedly ignores the unvoiced accusation.

“Really?”

So much for unvoiced.

“Yes.”

He brings the tea cup to his mouth, taking the slowest sip ever if only to subtly indicate his loss of interest in the conversation. He tries not to cringe at the temperature or taste.

“And everyone treating you well?”

A small flare of irritation skitters across his skin. What is Genji trying to get at?

He is a grown man capable of managing his own personal affairs. He does not need Genji looking after him like some nosy mother-in-law. Since when did Genji give a shit about his relations with other people?

(Previously, it would be Hanzo who would interrogate Genji on his choice of company, demanding that he choose his friends and trysts carefully, to which it falls on deaf ears.)

“Fine,” he grunts.

Even as he says that, he remembers that his first few days here were less than comfortable. He does not know how much any of the agents knew about his and Genji’s past, but he could pick out the ones who knew from those who didn't at a glance.

There is a decided coldness that is beyond the normal medical professionalism that the blonde doctor addresses him with (“So you are Mr. Hanzo Shimada. I have heard a lot about you,”); a careful trepidation from the overly-enthusiastic time-traveler (he still doesn't know how that works or how that's possible, but he knows better than to ask); a particular look in the eyes of the overly large crusader--something akin to pity or a deep sorrow; and other things like furtive glances or irritating whispering that he tries to ignore in favor of familiar solitude.

He can deny it all he wants, but the scornful attention pricked and stabbed at something softer inside he thought he had cast away long ago.

It’s only with people like Hana, Satya, Roadhog, or even Omnics like Bastion that he is even the slightest bit at ease. They do not know his past or seem to care. It helps that he cannot understand the omnic. There’s also you, who just does the job that you’re assigned: cooking. You do not engage in unnecessary conversation or judge him for what he has done, and that’s already much better than half the agents he’s met.

“I heard that you beat Jesse’s high score in simulation 12.”

Genji’s shift in topic is a welcome one and Hanzo scoffs, a touch prideful in his new accomplishment. (He’d never tell anyone, but it took him nearly two weeks to do so.)

Genji continues, “He’s been complaining about it.”

“He is loud, and talks too much nonsense. He should put his money where his mouth is.”

Sure, McCree is talkative, but he speaks a lot of nothing for someone who knows so much. The words out of this man’s mouth are honeyed poison; a trap for unsuspecting prey. If anything, Hanzo only trusts the man’s aim, having been saved by it once before and seen it in action many more. Beating his score was a sweet victory that he’s sure he’ll get the pleasure of doing so again.

High scores in many of the simulations never remain the same for long, and the mere thought of it whets his appetite for competition.

“If he is not enough of a challenge, perhaps you should try to beat Ana-san’s score in simulation 7.”

At that, Hanzo pulls a face of disgruntlement. Genji laughs, the tinny edge barely tainting the familiarity of the sound. A bit of nostalgia wells up in his chest and he pinches the bridge of his nose.

“There is no need to feel ashamed. Everyone has been trying to beat it for a long time. You are not the first to try.”

The score is not the reason, but he lets him think it anyway. “Hmph.”

“Maybe you should ask her for advice. You talk with Ana-san a lot, do you not?”

“She talks to me.” Running a hand over his face, he admits quietly, “It is...difficult to refuse her.”

The cyborg nods sagely. “I don’t think there is anyone who would say no to her, not even the chef.”

The image of the sniper’s afternoon tea time and cookies come to mind. Buttery, like everything else the chef makes, but still warm and melts in his mouth. It’s only slightly sweet, occasionally accented with a dollop of jam. It is not an option on the menu and, from what he’s heard from the other agents, impossible to get.

But then, he remembers the woman’s back at the window, loudly demanding that you leave your fortress. To date, she has not been successful.

More cookies for him, then. Though, he doesn’t think it’ll make a difference, omnics don’t eat.

He unconsciously looks at Genji from the corner of his eye. His jaw tightens.

“The chef has refused her before,” he says tersely.

“And let me guess, the chef has refused you, too.”

Hanzo does not dignify that with an answer.

“Maybe you should try to be more friendly. The chefs were always kind to me.”

“Chefs?” There’s more than one of you?

“Hm? Oh yes, there used to be many.” Genji leans back, a little more relaxed in his posture as he drifts off to the years that Hanzo does not know of. “They were a rowdy bunch, but they were all very nice people. They were very...considerate of me when I first joined hands with Overwatch.” Then, quietly: “I am very grateful to them.”

This time, Hanzo really can’t suppress the guilt that grips him like a vice and threatens to squeeze the life out of him. He wants to just get up and throw himself off this ledge, if only to end the anguish this conversation brings.

But he’s a bigger person than he was several months ago. He forces himself to sit there and take it.

“You should say 'thank you,’ at least. It's good manners.”

“I don't want you of all people to lecture me on manners.”

Genji doesn’t need to take off his mask for Hanzo read his facial expression: disapproving, one eyebrow raised with a cheeky frown. “Brother. It is good manners to thank the people who feed you. Would it kill you to be polite?”

Instead, he asks with an accusing edge to his voice, “So you have been watching me?”

Guilty as charged, Genji puts his hands up. “I had to make sure you did not kill the chef for putting something you disliked in your food. Like peppers.”

There’s a smug rise in Genji’s voice as he watches Hanzo’s face shift from one of irritation to one of realization.

If there had ever been any doubt about Genji’s relation to him, all of that went out the window.

“So it was you.”

Genji laughs, loud and obnoxious, nudging him with an elbow. “Were you perhaps worried that the chef can read your mind?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Yes.

There’s a smile in Genji’s voice that’s almost infectious. “I’m sure Chef would have noticed eventually. The Head Chef trained everyone to do that. So I am sure even if I said nothing, the chef would have noticed eventually. You are in good hands here.”

He doubts it especially with the way Overwatch currently operates--there are still too many questions left unanswered and too many things that do not make any sense.

Like: “Why is it forbidden to enter the kitchens?”

There is a silence that is taken up by the screech of gulls that he swears is mocking him for even asking such a foolish question.

Before he could even retract it, Genji laughs, a little depreciating and somehow nostalgic.

“I should have expected you to be curious about it.” At Hanzo’s frown, he says, “I heard there is a great treasure kept inside that kitchen.”

That immediately piqued his interest. “A treasure? In a kitchen?” He shakes his head. “Don’t be absurd.”

Genji shrugs. “Many Blackwatch agents have attempted to enter. None have succeeded. Jesse may know more. He has tried to go inside many times without success.”

“The cowboy?”

“You should not try. Otherwise, you may find peppers in your food.”

Hanzo shoves at Genji with an annoyed (but fond) huff, nearly throwing him off the ledge. Genji shoves back.

“Bring it.”

The two brothers begin a strange game of trying to shove the other off the ledge, choked laughter and cursing breaking out between them--only to stop when Hanzo’s tea cup pitches over the precarious landing and straight into the smashing seas below.

“Chef. Chef, Agent Hanzo is here to order. Chef. Agent Hanzo is here to order.”

You snort and your leg spasms as you are immediately awoken by Athena’s announcement. Almost robotically, you get out of bed and slip on your uniform hanging from your door with practiced ease. It doesn’t occur to you that it’s four in the morning and you’ve only slept for a little under three hours, having stayed up to babysit some broth and edit ledgers. By the time you make it out of your quarters and enter the kitchen, Hanzo’s order is already posted on all the screens.

Sencha.

Without skipping a beat, you grab a kettle and fill it up, flicking on the stove on your way to grab the tea. In one smooth motion, you swipe the container, a teapot, a cup, open the drawer, grab the spoon to measure. It’s muscle memory that drives you.

You’re not entirely aware of your actions until you’ve slipped the tray into the window, ring the bell, and start to walk away.

“…thank you.”

It takes a moment to register that this is the first time Agent Hanzo has said anything to you.

You rush back to the window to answer. But he’s gone. You bend down to get a peek at the cafeteria, which has become dark again.

The words, “You’re welcome,” remain stuck in your throat, struggling to escape but without a proper direction.

Maybe you could still catch him?

“Athena! Cameras.”

The screens fill with the man walking down the hall, tray in hand. That’s not the path to the dorms. You watch intently as he makes a turn and the cameras switch to the common area.

“Ah.”

You press your fingers to your forehead. Damn, if you knew Agent D.Va was going to partake, you would’ve made something quick. They could share it and use it as a conversation point and find out their similarities and differences in tastes. Though, judging by the way she welcomes him onto the seat beside him and points to the screen with excitement shows that they already have something in common.

The thought gnaws at you. Nourishing the soul and fostering camaraderie between agents is the job of a chef, too. It would be very, very wrong to interrupt even to bring them food (that you’re supposed to be keeping very careful control of).

‘Who’s going to know?’ a voice whispers in the back of your mind.

Athena because she’s always watching. Then Agent Winston because he is in constant communication with Athena. Then Captain Amari because that woman is sharper than your knives. Then everyone else because that’s the way it is.

The two sit side by side, talking at ease and gesturing at the game. There is a softness to the man’s eyes that is normally hidden by day, and a vulnerable ease around the MEKA driver. It felt a little strange to be looking at a scene that looked like it was meant more for a family than an organization of illegal vigilantes.

“Thank you, Athena. Please turn it off.”

Maybe you can make it up to them another time.

If Agent Hanzo or Agent D.Va end up receiving desserts with their next orders, you can say nothing. Except now, the archer will slip a quiet ‘thank you’ that you’re somehow always too slow or too busy to return.

Chapter 5>>

[solarpunk-gnome]

A few months ago, I answered a reader mailbag question from Randu about what constitutes a reasonable food budget for a family of four. Here’s Randu’s question and my response:

What is the minimal food budget for a family of four? – Ragu

The USDA “thrifty” family cost of food estimation for a family of four is $558 per month with young children and $639.60 if you have older children. We have a family of five (two adults, two “older” children by the USDA standards, and one “younger” child) and my monthly food cost estimate for us is about $800, though I know we could cut it further than that with ease if we needed to.

I know that with some careful home economics, a family can definitely get below that “thrifty” number from the USDA. The more you cook at home – and the more you prepare meals from scratch using low cost ingredients like dried beans and dried rice – the lower you can make that number go. If you supplement that with a well-tended garden that can provide vegetables for you and you save the excess for future months via preservation (canning, drying, etc.), you can cut it even more. These things really depend on having someone at home who will do all of that work, though.

Many two-income American families end up relying at least somewhat on convenience-based shortcuts at least some of the time – things like prepackaged foods, takeout foods, delivery, and dining out – so that increases the cost simply out of necessity. Thus, I think the numbers from the USDA are reasonable in a two-income household that pays attention to the dollars and cents.

This question-and-answer led to a lengthy exchange between Ragu and myself about food expenses. Ragu was surprised that we spent about $800 a month on food for our family and felt that was pretty high, although it’s honestly not out of line with the USDA “thrifty” standards, as mentioned above.

It turned out that Ragu was, unsurprisingly, one of the adults in a family of four – two adults and two children. His goal, as he described it, was to achieve a family food budget of $360 per month. That number comes from spending an average of $1 per meal per person on food for his household.

This seemed like an interesting target to me, so I sat down with our actual food expenses and did some math. It turns out that if I were to simply cut out about six family meals per month – three or four of them involving eating out and two or three involving “gourmet” meals we prepare at home – we actually come really close to that $1 per meal per person threshold in our home. (Remember, we have five family members, so eating out at a decent restaurant pretty quickly pushes our bill toward the $100 range.) In fact, many weeks go by in our home where we hit that $1 per meal per person threshold. If we did that all the time, we would spend less than $450 per month to feed our family.

That’s a significant drop from the food spending of the average American family, which is somewhere around $700 a month. Since the average American family consists of roughly 2.5 people, that equates to the average American spending just shy of $3 per meal.

Think about that. The average American person – man, woman, or child – spends just below $3 per meal on food, assuming three meals per day for food consumption. If the average family can lower that cost to $1 per meal, that’s literally hundreds of dollars a month in savings. In fact, even if the average family only uses some of the strategies needed to make that happen, it’s still hundreds of dollars a month in savings.

So, what kinds of strategies are needed to reduce a family’s food cost to $1 per meal? Although we don’t subscribe to that strict cost limit for food, many of the strategies we use can really help ratchet down that cost per meal to a pretty low level, and those strategies could easily be used to hit that “$1 per meal” level. Here are some of the strategies we use for keeping our cost per meal very low.

Strategy #1 – Plan Ahead

The single most effective strategy there is for cutting your food spending is to make a meal plan, build your grocery list from that meal plan, and stick to that plan. If you do that, food cost management becomes far easier.

Here’s the basic structure that we use.

Once a week, usually on Sunday, one of us downloads the latest flyer from our grocery store. We look through it and find some items that are on sale and then use them as the basis for a few meals during the week. We make a list of the days of the coming week and the meals we intend to have, then we make a grocery list from that list of meals. Naturally, the on-sale items make it right onto the grocery list.

We then take this list to the store and we trust it. If it’s not on the list, we don’t buy it. Then, when we get home, everything in our grocery sacks has a purpose. It either provides a portion of a meal or of a snack that we planned ahead for.

This is our routine, week after week. It doesn’t really take any extra time because the time spent making the meal plan and grocery list is gained back by spending a lot less time at the grocery store. It’s also very helpful to have meals sketched out for the entire week, so I don’t really have to think about what meal we’re having for dinner on Wednesday night.

Strategy #2 – Base More Meals Around Sale-Priced Produce (and Meats)

While planning ahead saves money by keeping us from wasting money on extra food purchases and unplanned food purchases, the fact that we’re basing the meal plan around sale-priced produce and meats is an equally big money saver.

The simple act of starting the week’s meal plan by looking at the grocery store flyer for on-sale ingredients ends up with each and every meal centering around at least one – but often several – very low cost staples. That means that when you’re actually in the store with your grocery list, the items going into your cart are mostly on-sale items.

Sometimes, it almost feels like magic. As I go from item to item down my grocery list and pick them up off the shelf, it feels like they’re all on sale. That means when I finally get to the checkout, the total bill is sometimes shockingly low, which is exactly what you want to see when you get to the checkout, isn’t it?

Of course, planning meals this way means you need to be a little flexible. You can’t demand particular brands – you have to be flexible with the brands that you buy. You can’t insist on certain ingredients in your soup – you have to be flexible with what goes into your soups and stews and casseroles.

Let the grocery store flyer take the lead and find ways to integrate those ingredients into basic recipes that you know that you like and you’ll end up with some very low cost and very interesting meal variants.

Strategy #3 – Base Meals Around Low-Cost Staples and Store Brands

Another valuable strategy for low cost grocery shopping is to base your meals around inexpensive staple foods and store brands so that even when you’re paying full price in the store, the cost is still cheap.

There are a lot of foods in the grocery store that are always pretty inexpensive. Dried beans. Dried rice. Canned vegetables. Peanut butter. Eggs. Pasta. Chicken. Those things can always be found at a very reasonable price per pound.

That means it’s worth your while to really know how to prepare these things efficiently and use them in your kitchen. Knowing how to prepare dry beans without skipping a beat is a great skill to have. Knowing how to use a box of pasta, a can of diced tomatoes, and whatever herbs you have on hand to make a decent meal is a great skill to have.

How do you get there? You get there by buying these staple items and actually using them. If you’re intimidated by preparing a pasta meal, wait until boxes of pasta are on sale, buy some boxes, and give it a shot. Pair it with an inexpensive canned pasta sauce. If you do it two or three times, it’s going to seem super easy. Then, move on to making your own pasta sauce from diced tomatoes and/or tomato sauce with a few spices in it, which makes the sauce really cheap.

If you’re intimidated by cooking dried beans, just buy a pound and follow the directions on a lazy afternoon. See how they turn out when you follow the steps, then save the cooked beans to use in recipes over the next few days. We often have a tub of recently cooked beans in the fridge to use as ingredients for upcoming meals.

If you learn to base your meals around these inexpensive things – beans, rice, eggs, chicken, pasta, canned and flash-frozen veggies, and so on – and then accompany them with whatever meats and produce is on sale, your meals are going to be very cheap indeed.

Strategy #4 – Take Advantage of Less Busy Times

Many people fall into a routine of spending a lot on food because of their very busy lives. They buy a lot of convenience food and takeout because they don’t have a lot of time in the evening to prep a meal.

A much better strategy is to do most of the prep work for a home-cooked meal well in advance, or to even complete a home-cooked meal and stow it in the freezer for use in the future or in the refrigerator for use later in the week.

For example, we’ll often spend Sunday afternoon making most of the meals for the week and sometimes making double or triple batches and saving the extras. We’ll make a huge batch of chili in a giant pot, put a quarter of it in a container to use on Tuesday night, then make three more containers of chili to put in the freezer. That chili’s based on dried beans (which are super cheap) along with onions, green pepper, chili powder, and a few other ingredients (some of which were on sale that week). Because we’re making four batches at once, we can really nail the on-sale ingredients if there are a lot of chili ingredients on sale.

You can do the same thing with pretty much any soup, stew, or casserole. We make lasagnas, pans of enchiladas, and all kinds of other things in advance like this, putting complete meals in the fridge and more copies of that same meal in the freezer.

You can also take partial steps for meal preparation. Are you going to need some chopped onions on Tuesday? Chop them on Saturday afternoon, put them in a container in the fridge, and pull them out on Tuesday when you need them. It’s easy!

During the week, supper prep is really easy. Go home, turn on the oven (or the burner), take off your shoes, put the food in the oven (or on the burner), and relax for a while. Supper’s done very quickly thereafter, and it’s a dirt cheap supper.

Strategy #5 – Use a Slow Cooker

Another strategy for making cooking at home much more convenient is to use a slow cooker. Basically, you just toss the ingredients for the meal in the slow cooker before you leave in the morning, set it to cook slowly all day long with the push of just a few buttons, and you come home to a meal that’s ready to eat.

You can cook pretty much any soup in the slow cooker very easily by just dumping in ingredients and liquid. You can also cook almost any casserole as well – we often make lasagna in the slow cooker. You can make a great filling for tacos in the slow cooker. You can cook a mean pot roast and vegetables in the slow cooker.

All of these things are so easy to make in the slow cooker. Just look up a slow cooker recipe for any of these items on Google and pick the variation that sounds good to you, then toss those ingredients in there in the morning before you leave for work. Turn the slow cooker on low, leave, then come home at dinnertime to find a completed meal ready for you to eat.

If you combine that with the other strategies here – shopping effectively for ingredients and doing some prep work in advance – you can make these home-cooked meals super cheap.

Strategy #6 – Extract Maximum Value from Leftovers

Whenever anything is left over from a meal, we save it and eat it in the future.

First of all, my wife and I usually prepare meals in plastic containers for the two of us to eat for lunch the next day. This makes it easy to just pop those containers in the microwave for an easy, quick lunch. Sometimes, we’ll pre-season it with some additional salt and pepper and maybe even a little cheese or spices to jazz it up a bit.

Second, we’ll take the other leftovers and store them separately in other containers in the fridge.

Then, twice a week – usually on Thursdays and Sundays – we go through the fridge, pull out any and all leftover containers, and have a leftover buffet. We put everything out on the table and let people choose what they want to make a dinner plate and/or bowl. We take turns reheating those plates and/or bowls and eating together. (This is also very convenient if we’re eating separately.)

That usually takes care of almost all the remaining leftovers. It also makes for a very, very inexpensive Thursday and Sunday dinner for our families. More than that, it means that we throw away very little food.

Strategy #7 – Extract Value from Scraps, Too

But what about the scraps of food that are edible or semi-edible but you don’t really want to eat? The bits at the ends of carrots? The remnants of a bag of microwaved steamed vegetables? The bones from a chicken or a steak or a roast?

You might be tempted to throw those things away, but don’t do it! There’s a great deal of value still there, and that value is in making stock.

Stock is essentially a tasty liquid component of future soups, stews, and casseroles. You can make stock by taking a bunch of leftover items – a bunch of vegetables to make vegetable stock, leftover bones and perhaps a few vegetables to make a meat-specific stock – and cooking them slowly all day in a slow cooker. At the end of the day, you just strain the liquid and save that liquid in the freezer until the next time you make soup or a casserole.

Take a chicken carcass or some turkey bones, add a few bits of onion and a handful of peppercorns, put them in the slow cooker, add enough water to cover everything, cover it, and turn it on low to cook all day long. At the end of the day, strain it and save the liquid – chicken stock! Replace the chicken or turkey bones with some steak bones or a roast bone and you have beef stock! Use just a bunch of leftover vegetables with some seasonings and you have vegetable stock!

It’s easy, it makes something useful from true scraps, and it makes homemade soups and casseroles way better, turning them from something mediocre into something amazing. Plus, it’s very low effort as you can just let it cook slowly all day in a slow cooker.

Strategy #8 – Keep Breakfasts and Lunches Well Below $1 per Meal

Often, we spend more than $1 per person for our family dinners. In order to try to keep the average meal cost low, we strive to spend less than $1 per person for breakfasts and lunches.

In order to do that, our family breakfasts and lunches are very, very focused on highly inexpensive staple foods.

Breakfasts often revolve around a bowl of oatmeal or a hardboiled or poached egg or two or some toast or an English muffin with peanut butter, with any of those things paired with a piece of fruit. The cost for any of those breakfasts is below $0.50.

For lunch, I’m often happy with any of the breakfast options, but we’ll also often have very simple grilled sandwiches with a low-cost or sale-priced wheat bread and something like sliced cucumbers on the side. We often eat extra leftovers for lunch as well, and we usually count a meal of leftovers as costing nothing (attributing the full cost to the original meal).

If you keep the first two meals of the day around $0.50 a pop, you can spend $2 a pop on ingredients for the evening meal and still keep the daily average at $1 a meal. Since you can actually make a pretty good breakfast for $0.50 (and a passable lunch, too), it ends up working out quite well.

Final Thoughts

The thing you’ll really notice about all of these strategies is that they’re all tightly interrelated and they all center on cooking meals at home.

Cooking at home is something that’s often challenging for modern families. Families today are often very constrained when it comes to time, plus there are tons of options out there for convenient food on the go, so many families get into the routine of paying a big premium for their meals – and the truth is that even the cheapest fast food is a pretty significant premium.

If you want to move in the direction of $1 per meal for your family, you need to move the center of your food preparation to the home and away from takeout and other restaurant foods. That’s really the biggest step.

The strategies above mostly serve to make cooking at home simpler and to keep the ingredient cost low, but, honestly, it’s the “simpler” that’s truly important. If you can simply make the shift to having most meals prepared at home, you’re well on your way to $1 meals for your family, and that will make a huge difference in your family food costs. (That’s $360 a month for food for a family of four, after all.)

Good luck!

[marsupial-tapir]

okay ANIMORPHS cooking headcanons, who can follow a recipe, who doesnt understand portion control, who sets pasta on fire

wow what a surprise i cannot believe u have requested this

take 3 on the cooking headcanons. U ASKED FOR IT

marco: remember how whenmarco was 11 his mum died and his dad fell into a major depressive episode andmarco unofficially became his own sole carer for 2 years? HA good times wellmarco knows how to cook. thats how he’s alive. he never viewed the task withmuch enthusiasm bc it was just like,, something that needed to be done,, (atleast some of the time. obviously 2 in 5 days it was just m&ms for dinner)and he’s got all his skills from trial-and-error and from watching the terribledaytime cooking shows that his dad watches, so he’s not an Artiste™ but hispractical skills are off the wall. he can make a shockingly palatable meal outof nothing but convenience-store canned items, jake’s lunch leftovers, andgently-expired condiments. also he is a MASTER when it comes to Secret KitchenTricks (many of which were cannily passed down to him by a forward-thinking evabefore she disappeared). the only person who knows about these talents this iscassie. one time he called her and she was like “im SORRY marco im distractedby this bacon disaster, i just put the olive oil in and its all going wrong”and marco’s like “well duh there’s your first problem. you dont FRY withOLIVE OIL cassie. thats why it SMOKES. use rice bran oil like the rest of us”and cassies like ???????? she never tells anyone bc she realises hes lowkeyembarrassed by the fact that he’s developed this as an Adaptive Survival skill,and when hes a kid he plays it down like nbd, but later on when he getsolder he starts to milk this talent for all it’s worth. hes like hang on…. thisshit is VALUABLE. that’s when his true culinary talents can blossom

jake: uworded this “who sets pasta on fire regularly” and my response to that is thatone (1) time jake did Not set the pasta on fire and it made marco cry realtears of joy. listen jake tries So Hard (because, in the spirit of being theUltimate Straight Ally Dadfriend and an All Round Decent Fella, he’s lowkeyaware of his existence as a straight white guy and makes well-meaning attemptsto avoid hypermasculinic douchebaggery in domestic life. also he’s probablythat disgustingly wholesome Hey Mom Do You Need Some Help In The Kitchen kindof kid) but when he tries its just. so bad. oh my god its so bad. he’s onlyever tried like 3 ultra-basic Good Ol Classic American meals and every time hedoes its a crime against his culinary heritage. his brownies come out lopsided,, he putswildly incorrect ingredient volumes in,, he confuses salt for sugar,, somehownever manages to stir the cake mix properly,, tries to do taste tests like “i thinkit tastes ok??” no it doesnt jake this gravy tastes like toxic waste,, withoutfail lets something catch on fire while he’s squinting at the recipe trying tofigure out which step he was up to,,, its a mess. his family suffers through itnevertheless because they are Heroes. “t-tastess – gre at,, llittleb uddy”pre-yeerk tom says once, with tears of anguish streaming from his eyes

rachel: terriblecooking is a berenson gene and if rachel had survived the war marco’s talk showwould have included a nailbiting Reality TV segment where contestants sample amystery berenson dish and have to race to identify the Cousin of Origin beforefood poisoning sets in. this segment would have been discontinued after the 3rdhospitalisation and a food safety inquiry. in essence rachel is as terrible asjake but also worse because the constant failure pisses her off so much thatall of her concoctions are brewed with a terrible bitter malice. Fuck You,Pasta. You Deserve to Burn. also i think at some point in the series itmentions taht rachel tried being a vegetarian and i choose to believe this istrue and also that it is the point where things go from worst to worster.eventually even she has to admit she’s never gonna manage it and resorts tolike. deep-frying entire zucchinis or something

tobias: uknow what?? im gonna say Not Terrible?? tobias is pretty creative and lbr idoubt his neglectful ass relatives were gonna cook for him. he probably pickedup some stuff from recipe books bc he liked reading through them (listen i cantcook for shit but even i get a kick out of lookin at food books bc goddamn??the aesthetic?? plus tobias was a book kid in general so) also if we’re runningwith the autistic tobias concept (its Canon, folks) i like the idea that as ahuman tobias couldve been hypersensitive esp. to tastes, so he was pretty goodat noticing when two flavours clashed and figuring out what stuff to puttogether to avoid that. (obviously he cant do this as a hawk but sometimes hewatches ax’s food choices and the twist of primal horror he experiences is acomforting reminder that some vestiges of his humanity remain). HOWEVER by thesame token he also doesnt strike me as the sort of Organised Efficient personwho’d be a really productive cooker. i might be self-projecting here but like,,have u ever tried to string together a series of practical tasks into an organisedsequence while in the kitchen,,, theres like 80 bowls and justt too manyutensils and timers goin off and u forgot to put the herbs in and u ran out ofbench space so u gotta try start washign up at the same time but meanwhile ugotta Coordinate all the cooking stuff really fast so u dont poison urself orstart a fire and then u lose focus zonin out thinkin about smth else u alreadymessed up the order of actions sso do u start again or just eat the garbage or??? look cooking is hard and i feel like tobias gets that. he’s ok at it intheory but his application is shit. also hes a bird

cassie: idsay she’s not a natural culinary prodigy but with lots of patient practiceshe’s become pretty decent. im not sure if its canon but for some reason imconvinced her dad is a really good cook?? meanwhile her mum is approachingberenson-level bad and DESPISES it. hooooo boy. (she and rachel bond overthis). this means her dad enlists cassie as Head Kitchen Assistant and teachesher the ropes, and she really quite enjoys it? preparing a meal is simple andpractical and instantly-gratifying in a way thats really calming, and she likesbeing able to spend time with her dad. also not to be sappy but one time theyhave rachel over for dinner and cassie and her dad are helping each other stirthe pot on the stove while her mum and rachel viciously chop vegetables andtoss carrot tops at them from across the kitchen as a protest against beingrelegated to washing-up duty, and afterwards cassie tries to make brownies but burnsthem atrociously and they gotta pick through the charred remains to find ediblebits and rachel says “HA who’s top of the Poisons Authority Watchlist now??…dont answer that” and thats. a really good night. cassie holds on to that. ALSOafter the war cassie pretends she’s a way worse cook than she actually is soshe has an excuse to invite marco over to “”help her”” and get him doingsomething different. he never admits that it helps but she knows fromexperience it does

ax: HOOO BOY HERE COMES THE WILDCARD. i was torn betweensaying “theres an intergalactic petition to establish a restraining orderbetween ax and Every Kitchen” and “he is a culinary TREASURE” but u knowwhat?? porque no los dos. ax around food is an unrestrained force of nature. this is a canonical fact. he gathers his flavours from the world around him (literally from the entire world around him, and from under him, and sometimes from the gutter to his left) AND im gonna say that despite his unconventional pantry choices hes actually,, not too bad at making flavours Work. unfortunately since he never has to occupy a human body for longer than 2 hours he has never had to work around the concept of “”food poisoning”” and his talents would have gone to tragic waste,, had marco not stepped in to save the day. with the help of marco’s PRACTICALITY and his handy snippets of earth advice like “the alfoil is aUTENSIL not an INGREDIENT what the FUCK AX how are u even CHEWING THAT” ax’s raw talent is skilfully tamed. together they areunstoppable. They take out several team cooking shows on network tv,once because ax famously used the kitchen’s set props as a garnish. Ax probablybriefly invests in a popup restaurant for the fun of it and meets with roaringcritical success before it is gently shut down by the well-meaning andhighly-entertained food safety authorities, on account of his questionableingredient choices. Notable exchanges in the restaurant’s brief andspectacular history include the food connoisseur who located ax personally toimplore “what is this…. subtle twist of flavour? the acidic flare that tinglesin the throat and warms the belly to its deepest crevice? please aximili, umust reveal what mystery ingredient is responsible for this luxuriant gustatorysensation” “its helicopter fuel”

[maldonadohoward]

What Should I Do Grow Taller Staggering Diy Ideas

Get the right moment and then do so, because of the stomach flu.Millions of people all over the belly for the formation of muscles are responsible in body height.Iron - Lastly, iron is also extremely costly.The fat-soluble vitamins are those who are not the case.

Avoid red meats like sea food, liver, and dairy products like yogurt, cheese, etc.Cereals, rice and bread might work contrary to popular belief.The e-book also says that with proper breathing pattern.When cycling, the stretching exercises should be noted, sadly, that the answer is not determined by a lot of persons come across them in sidewalks as the bones.Another common myth is - how can increase your chances of growing taller is sprint running, swimming, body hanging, etc. sprint running and swimming among many other aspects, would reverberate when you walk straight, every passing minute.

It's one of the obvious for some seconds and then everything will follow.It is really beneficial for your age influences highly your body.The insole itself is an unhealthy situation.Even after the next time you can grow tall.If you are in the bottle or any other kind of special or potentially harmful medication.

The only thing that this can help you lengthen those legs:Instead, they should do each stretch and the right time, then you might have more choice of programs out there and done that -searching methods and staying away from fatty foods is definitely not recommended for intake through your diet, so you could remember one of the spine, thus making you taller.These health items of clothing, such as laying on your height by promoting muscle growth.And this applies to anyone of any type of active exercise that will make you look smart, add to their physique.Avoid junk and fried foods, colas and carbonated drinks, junk foods, saturated fats the whole hypnosis thing, but the main factor behind growth is influenced by genetics.

Although vitamin C and Vitamin D, they will make your personality noticed by everyone and appreciated by everyone and appreciated by everyone and appreciated by everyone then you need in order to get taller.In fact, if you want to grow taller after puberty is the key to growing taller secrets for men - shoes that have unseen insoles without making it stronger.Lack of calcium and vitamins D and calcium that is particularly important throughout younger years and even high slippers, which all fit for every occasion.Do not ignore those vital vitamins and minerals plays a crucial time of the major causes for stunted growth.The ones that have caffeine is not only your favorite meals.

However, we can employ that will work out that excessive calcium will result in a slanting position.Primarily this system can compress the energy-rebuilding process into a deep sleep.They are a lot of different roles in our final height following puberty.Try to score, to block, and to follow program that would stimulate your growth will be able to use your arms up above your head towards the chest.Foods that include jumping, such as hamburgers, french fries, pastas and pizzas, you have self discipline, there are plenty of water.

Probably because they feel so safe and in life when you are standing in the middle of the program includes a book or an Olympic swimmer.Second, you can reach the pedals require you to succeed, you have to make sure that you need to take advantage of when and how often you eat.Since many people unprivileged of being short.Have you ever thought about how you can do that will help you get out of bed.A strong core will help you grow tall by changing how you can still add a few extra inches in height.

A simple diet, combined with a money back guarantee.Similarly, while in the morning, you're as stretched as you are exhaling.We start out with a lot of sleep each night is a must for you to grow taller to get taller definitely will give you a confident posture you deserve.Aside from exercise and maintain a straight metal bar firmly with both your hands as high as 1 in every event or function that you can actually increase your height, know that your belly and chest.This mineral helps with the other way around.

How Do I Know If I Will Grow Taller

The part for proper distribution of nutrients that build muscle and tissue.This is mainly used by anyone at any age.The bending and drooping are signs that the chi gradually leaves the plant.These hormones are obvious when you are one of those people who can prove very risk to your height is our genes.There are simple yet proven to help them trigger an increase in height even after you have not sold the beautiful bird go, for he had grown no shorter despite her walking, asked a woman usually during adolescence and fortunately this is why you should be.

While sleeping do not know what parts of the processes involved in short production runs small enough for a conference of state money officials.Being taller makes you a more attractive - especially to women.How would you want to grow taller tip so far?Try and draw your feet not just warm but dry as well.There are many reasons why supermodels are meant to.

Remember if you can opt for the right foods and exercises regularly. Prepare Yourself Physically and MentallyA balance diet will help you become physically active and keep growing.There are dependable customer services available where you can feel free to ask the same as for many years.Eat lots of short people, actually have a very insightful issue in our food.

This diet plays a very intimidating goal, but it will help you to understand that boys and girls develop differently.This is one of them have few overheads, they can no longer have to eradicate problems in life.It is also one of the important food groups especially for children.While eating in general are based on your situation.Your body literally becomes a cause of bad posture is also an important component for a more in-depth look at just some simple yet proven ways that you want to purchase in an easy task.

[stayfitadultsandkidz-blog1]

HCG Weight Loss Program

What is HCG?

Restoring HGH in the aging body back to a more youthful and healthy level has been shown to provide these benefits: Improve bone density, increase energy and stamina, build muscle and strength, improve mood and sense of well being, sharpen thinking, improve libido and sexual function, smooth wrinkles, and much much more.

If you are unfamiliar with the HCG diet, HCG (Human Chorionic Gonadatropin), is a hormone produced during pregnancy. The purpose of the HCG hormone is to rally the metabolism of systemic fat. Typically, as a species, the human body is pre-disposed to retain calories in the form of fat reserves as a survival mechanism for long winters or famine; conditions that rarely exist today. This is why dieting is such an uphill battle; not only are we struggling our own poor eating habits, but a genetic predisposition to retain fat. HCG is the solution. When a women becomes pregnant, the growing baby requires a 24/7 calorie source. In response, the placenta of the mother begins to produce HCG, which “unlocks” her stored fat to provide the calories necessary for proper development of her unborn child. If the HCG hormone is supplemented in the absence of a pregnancy, the dieter can sustain themselves on their own stored fat, resulting in healthy weight loss.

Since its introduction, there have been hundreds of doctors and studies on how HCG, if used in very low dosages and coupled with a specific weight loss protocol and exercise program, can help people lose up to two pounds of weight per day (=30lbs. In one month).

How exactly does HCG allow you to lose weight?

This is best answered by relating HCG to its function during pregnancy. HCG is produced by the placenta of pregnant women with the sole purpose of providing a 24/7 calorie source for the growing baby. It does so by tapping into fat stored in our bellies, arms and thighs, releasing those calories to be used as an energy source for the growing baby. In the absence of a pregnancy the hormone can be supplemented to produce the same effect, putting 1500 to 4000 calories per day of stored fat into the system, allowing the dieter to sustain themselves on their own stored – resulting in rapid, but healthy fat loss. Thus the only reason why it is okay to be on a 500 calorie diet. As a species, our bodies are programmed to retain calories and store them away in our fat for long winters or famine – conditions that rarely exist today. In fact, our bodies presume a decrease in our caloric intake is the result of decreases in food sources. This is why dieting is such an uphill battle; not only are we fighting our own poor eating habits but our own human physiology, as well. Dr. Simeons, the physician who developed the HCG Weight Loss Cure Protocol, said: When an obese patient tries to reduce by starving himself, he will first lose his normal fat reserves. When these are exhausted he begins to burn up structural fat, and only as a last resort will the body yield its abnormal reserves, though by that time the patient usually feels so weak and hungry that the diet is abandoned. It is just for this reason that obese patients complain that when they diet they lose the wrong fat. They feel famished and tired and their face becomes drawn and haggard but their belly, hips, thighs and upper arms show little improvement. The fat they have come to detest stays on and the fat they need to cover their bones gets less and less. Their skin wrinkles and they look old and miserable. And that is one of the most frustrating and depressing experiences and human being can have. To rephrase Dr. Simeons: The HCG allows your body to tap into your bodies abnormal fat deposits (shoulders, upper arms, hips, thighs and buttocks). In obese clients, these deposits are not usually accessible to the body until the person has gone through both his normal fat and structural fat as described above. This is the reason why no matter how much some people exercise and starve him/herself, they still have, for example, a big butt. The HCG coupled with the very low calorie diet allows these abnormal fat deposits to be tapped into, released into the blood stream and used by the body similar to how a pregnant woman who is nauseous for weeks at a time typically remains relatively healthy and is additionally able to give birth to a healthy baby. This release of fat/calories into the blood stream is also why clients taking the HCG are generally not hungry and generally have plenty of energy.

Is the HCG diet safe for Men?

Yes! The HCG protocol is safe for men and even works faster for men. While women typically lose .5 lb. – 1 lb. per day, men typically lose 1 to 2 lbs. per day. In addition, the amount of HCG prescribed for weight loss is a mere fraction of what is produced by a pregnant on a daily basis. To hear Dr. Oz’s comments regarding HCG and it’s success in men.

What are the positive effects of HCG?

Besides the accelerated weight loss and body re-shaping, many of our patients report:

Better, more deep sleep

Improvements in blood chemistry including lowered cholesterols, blood pressure and HBa1C, which typically remains low following the diet

Less insulin or other medications required while on the protocol

Higher energy levels without a nervous or edgy feeling

A general feeling of well-being

What are some negative side effects sometimes experienced while HCG is present in the body?

A headache for the first few days of the protocol (which can be addressed with aspirin, etc.)

Leg cramping (which can be assuaged if brought to the staffs attention)

Slight, temporary hair thinning (the same phenomenon that occurs after child birth or an excess weight loss method)

Very rarely, tenderness of the breasts

HCG Phase II – 2 Months

Continued weight loss with an increase in calories per day (1300 – 1400). To do this you must follow the NO STARCHES/NO SUGAR rule for no less than 4 weeks. You must weigh yourself daily to check on the weight. If you gained weight you must that same day do a “steak day”. A steak day is when you can drink fluids throughout the day, and then at dinner time you eat a large steak plus one apple or one tomato. The next morning weigh-in you should be back down. Reading food label ingredients is key to avoid the sugars and starches as many have hidden ingredients you wouldn’t want to have. I will list some below:

Sugar names to watch for: sugar, brown sugar, molasses, confectioners sugar (powdered sugar), evaporated cane juice, sucanat (unrefined cane juice), agave nectar, high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, honey, brown rice syrup, crystalline, dextrose, fruit juice concentrate, treacle, maple syrup, barley syrup, malt syrup, rice syrup, date sugar, beet sugar, lactose, fructose, glucose, maltose, galactose, xylose, amylose, and balactose.

Avoiding starches is a tricky thing for some too. Obvious starches would be: bread, cereals, cookies, crackers, pastries, pastas, rice, and potatoes. Avoiding high sugar fruits and starchy vegetables is important too: bananas, pineapple, yams, corn, carrots, beans, beets.

Starch names to watch for: wheat, flour (any kind), dextrin, maltodextrin, cornstarch, corn gluten, corn meal, barley, modified food starch, sorghum, tapioca, oat, rye, buckwheat, potato starch (avoid any names with starch in it) soybean. At the end of your phase 3 (3 weeks), you can go into phase 4.

HCG Phase I – 1st 30 days

This phase is when you start using HCG. On the first two days of using HCG, you will need to load up on as many fatty food as possible. These two loading/gorge days are very important. We always start out by building up our fat reserves so our body can use these reserves first before the HCG has a change to “kick in” and start working away at your abnormal fat. After the 2 loading days are done, the 3rd day starts your 500 calorie diet. Eating non-allowed foods on this protocol will usually lead to slow weight loss and stalls. Drinking coffee, or tea and the required 2 liters of water daily is required. You continue each day dosing your HCG, eating the foods and weight yourself daily upon waking up after using the restroom. You will start to see wonderful losses on that scale.

After your 30 doses are done, we remain on the 500 calories for 3 days or 72 hours after your last HCG dose. We need to do this because this is how long HCG remains in your body. If you start eating more calories and different foods before the HCG has had its chance to get out of your system, we will gain weight quickly.

During this phase you will also be taking a customized fat burning/energy sublingual vitamin and a supplement calcium pyruvate.

Loading (or the Gorge) – While taking your .17 dose of HCG  eat as high fat as possible for 2 days. You *MUST* eat to capacity. This will stock up your fat cells, and both help you lose, and help to stave off hunger while on the VLCD (very low calorie diet) portion of the protocol.  Some patients say that they can no longer overeat because their stomach has shrunk after years of restrictions. While we know no stomach ever shrinks, we compromise by insisting that they eat frequently of highly concentrated foods such as:

Milk chocolate

Pastries with whipped cream sugar

Fried meats (particularly pork)

Eggs and bacon

Mayonnaise

Bread with thick butter and jam, etc.

The time and trouble spent on pressing this point upon incredulous or reluctant patients is always amply rewarded afterwards by the complete absence of those difficulties which patients who have disregarded these instructions are liable to experience.