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pboogerswbb · 4 months ago

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SO IT GOES - chapter 8

Paige Bueckers x oc Warnings: angst, panic attack/ptsd, descriptions of an abusive relationship Wordcount: 5.1K A/C: HEY MY BABIESSSS instead of talking about the game let's just read this chapter okay? okay. (would love to say this will cheer you up but prepare for some angst lol). anyway thank you for being patient with me AGAIN! i'll be real i've been feeling a little unmotivated bc of the anons i get rushing me and it's really getting to my head but i'm pretty sure most of them have disappeared and left are you all amazing lovely patient people so yay :)) ty for supporting me and this series ily mwah

Before London

“Good game, Paige,” Phee whispers into my ear as she hugs me tight. I’m standing next to Dorka, just done taking what felt like 500 pictures with her. I let out a self-deprecating laugh, raising my brows at the woman. Phee smiles with empathy, rubbing my shoulder, still sweaty and sticky from the game.

“No one’s first game is good,” she comforts me. We’re standing in the middle of the court, people buzzing around us as the crowd makes its way out. From the corner of my eye I see Izara’s jet black hair set in perfect waves, joined by Trey standing next to her, hand on her lower back. A flash of jealousy shoots through my body watching the two of them, laughing as they walk through the crowd filming content. I didn’t want anyone touching her but me. Ever. I knew we were just supposed to be friends but it felt impossible. Whenever my eyes landed on her my soul burned, every part of me craving her in a way that I knew was more than just friendship, or even more than lust.

“We went brick for brick huh?”

My blue eyes move from Izzie to Arike, her hand squeezing my shoulder. The woman was right, neither of our shots had gone in. Neither of us had found a pace or confidence to support one another. It was almost embarrassing. No, it was definitely embarrassing. Especially when I saw my dad’s face in the crowd, hissing to himself when I missed both my free throws. The only thing that could make me feel better now was getting to take Izara, no interruptions, no thoughts, just me and her.

Flipping her hair over her shoulder, Zari’s eyes lift and land on mine. With a softened gaze, I let out a sigh of relief, swimming in her green eyes lined with black as time seems to slow down around me. The other people might as well not exist. It’s only her.

“Yeah,” I chuckle quietly to Arike, pushing through her and the rest of the crowd, urgent steps just wanting to feel the dark haired girl. She’s alone now, holding a notepad, standing in the middle of the court surrounded by crowds of people, sounds of chatter echoing around the arena.

“Paige-” Izzie mumbles as I reach her, but with a simple look I silence her, hand wrapping into hers as I pull her behind me off the court, away from everyone. The corridors are quiet, dim, yet I navigate them with ease. The sounds of the crowd turn muffled, the noise of our heavy breathing and hurried steps overtaking them. My heart pounds in my chest, weakened body ready for surrender.

I pull us into a darkened unlocked room, some sort of storage I guess but I’m too busy to look around and make sure. As the door closes I push her against it in the dark, my sweaty body still in the brand new, strange jersey, pressing into Izara. I’m barely conscious of kissing her, my body working before my head can. But I feel starved, tongue meeting hers as our lips collide.

“Wait, wait,” Iz mumbles breathlessly, but I don’t hear it. The pounding in my chest too loud in my head. My hands travel from her waist to her hips, squeezing the skin as I slot my thigh between her legs.

“Paige…” the girl mumbles with a whimper, a raspy moan spilling from my lips against hers.

“Please baby,” I murmur, feeling like I could cry from how overwhelming the ache in my body is growing. Stirring within me are all the feelings combining into one - disappointment, failure, sorrow, longing, want. I wanted to bury them all into the girl in front of me.

I’m kissing her neck now, my fingertips slipping underneath her top. Her bare brown, silky skin feels smooth and delicate.

“Paige, stop.”

“Huh?” I ask, nose nuzzling her skin, inhaling.

“Stop, please.”

Confused, I pull back, my hands resting on her waist as Izzie’s green eyes avoid my gaze, looking around the dim room.

“Are you okay ma?” I ask, attempting to calm down my breathing.

Izzie’s brows are furrowed and she licks her lips, a soft sigh escaping her mouth.

“We have to talk.”

“Bro, I just played the worst game of my career, let’s talk after,” I chuckle sarcastically. “Need you baby.”

I lean down to kiss her neck again but Izzie’s manicured hand is on my chest, holding me back. Her eyes are rounder than usual as she stares up at me.

“Paige, we really need to talk. Now.”

She’s serious. I can tell she is. Without thinking the first thought I have slips my mouth.

“Is it Jasper?” I ask, pulling my hands off her body.

There’s a moment of silence. I can barely see her face sink in the dark, eyes slowly growing used to the lack of light. Izara rolls her eyes and turns to step out of the room but my hand is on the handle before she can reach it.

“Ma,” I murmur, pressing my front into her back.

“You can’t call me that anymore Paige,” she sighs, back facing me.

My heart sinks, my mind trying to wrap around what she’s saying. The implications of what the words might mean. I pray to God I’m wrong.

“Whatchu mean Iz?” I ask, voice beginning to shake with anxiety. The girl turns around, chewing on her bottom lip - something I had never seen her do.

“We can’t do this anymore.”

There it is. What I was dreading. I’m glad it’s dark, that the girl doesn’t see my eyes begin to well up. Why would I cry? We had never been anything. We’d never even fucked. So why did I feel like my heart was about to break?

“Whatchu mean this?” I ask, it takes every bit of my concentration to maintain a steady voice.

The dark haired girl sighs, eyes roaming me for a moment. “I could get fired,” she whispers. “If we got caught.”

“Who gives a shit?” I ask, scoffing. She could always get a new job. I thought I’d be worth more. But then again why would I be? She was the one who said it was just sex. Except it hadn’t even had the chance to be that.

“You must be joking,” Izara jeers, finally pushing me off her. “You are so selfish.”

She’s reaching for the door handle but I hold it shut. I can’t have her leave like this.

“Bro no I didn’t mean it like that,” I sigh. I always had a habit of speaking before I thought it through when my feelings took over. “I just… I’m having a hard time getting what you’re tryna say.”

“What I’m saying,” she starts. “Is that we can’t keep fooling around anymore.”

She takes a deep sigh. “Actually, I don’t know if it’s so smart for us to be friends anymore Paige.”

The panic sets in, my heart beginning to pound at a rapid rate.

“Wh-what? The fuck you mean we can’t be friends?”

“I mean from now on we should keep our relationship strictly professional.”

Her voice is so cold, calculated, that it’s almost like it doesn’t even matter to her. That it doesn’t phase her one bit.

“Is that what you want?” I ask sternly, mirroring the coldness of her voice.

“I-” the girl starts. “I can’t lose this job. I can’t go back to London.”

“Aight.”

I walk out.

And just like that I lose my best friend. My only friend in all of Texas. Sure I had Arike, I had Lou and I had the team. But she was my only friend, the only one I felt like I could truly talk to, who truly got me. And I lost her. Just like that.

Need paige to look at me like that fr

yoooooo paige ntm

BOAFFFF who that next to Paige???

Paige got a starin problem

PAIGE IN LOVE WITH THAT GIRL ARE YOU KIDDING

My eyes skim through comment after comment under the video filmed before Paige’s first game in the Wings. We hadn’t been as slick as we thought. In hindsight it was obvious, the way Paige’s blue eyes roamed my body with that sly smirk, the way my cheeks flush red when my eyes met hers. God, I can’t believe I had been behaving like that, right before my peers. The people I worked with. In a public video. I felt so embarrassed. It just wasn’t me. That had been a couple weeks ago now though.

“Zari, stop reading the comments sweetheart,” Trey chuckles, resting a hand on my shoulder. I sigh, putting the phone down and groaning.

“We should just delete it.”

“Nah,” the man says. “Would be weird to delete it now.”

I sigh, looking up at him. His hand comes to my chin, holding my gaze. “Linda’s not gonna read em.”

“You sure?” I ask carefully. Trey nods, brushing a strand of hair off my face. It annoys me, but I don’t know how to reject his touch.

“You ready to head home?” He asks.

“I can take an uber Trey,” I murmur, pulling away from him finally, unease stirring in my stomach.

“C’mon, I don’t mind driving you.”

“You sure? it’s out the way for you.”

“Let’s go home Zari.”

We walk to the car, Trey’s voice echoing in the hallway but I barely hear him, the faint sound of Paige’s voice laughing on the court making its way into my ears and taking me out of whatever the man next to me is trying to say. The weight on my chest makes it hard to breathe. I fan myself, trying to help the airflow.

Other than the occasional talk regarding media work, or the rare interview on TikTok I hadn’t spoken to Paige for 13 days. Not more than a hello, or a “good game” after a night of watching her on the court. When we met in the apartment stairway there barely was an awkward smile as we passed each other. I missed her badly.

I had realised I hated Dallas, I hated the fake niceness of the Americans, I hated the heat that had grown unbearable in the past couple weeks. But I loved my job. I loved working with the sport I loved. I was good at it. I think everything would be better if I found a position with another team, but it would be risky to ask around. I was in a rut, my only friend was Trey.

The entire drive home is silent on my part as I stare out the window at the other cars. Driving home used to be my favourite part of the day. I felt giddy as Paige opened the door for me, as we took turns picking songs to play. I felt my heart drop everytime we said bye. I found myself sitting in my living room staring at the living room, thinking about her afterwards. Her blue eyes, the way she looked at me as if I was the only person on the planet. How her gentle grazes felt on my brown skin.

So I repeat that routine, urgently saying bye to Trey and hurrying into my apartment. Closing the door and plopping myself down on the couch, staring at the wooden shelf decorating the otherwise blank wall in silence. The shelf Paige put up for me.

As I’m five minutes into my staring ritual a strange faint thumping noise reaches my ears, distant but clear in a steady rhythm. It’s coming from above. It’s coming from the blonde’s apartment. No doubt.

Just as I stand up to walk around and listen to the sound further, high pitched whimpers and gasps reach my ears. It doesn’t take more for the nauseating mental image of what’s happening in the apartment above to pop into my head. These walls were thick too, no noise, stomping, or music came through. Ever. It felt like torture. The stirring thoughts of what Paige was doing to some girl, lying on top of her, pinning her down. The way she was on top of me. The way I nearly got to have her.

“Fucking shit,” I mumble to myself, shaking my head as I rummage my bag for my headphones, turning the first song I find on a volume that might make me go deaf. Good. Anything to cover up the noise.

I hated Dallas. I had somehow convinced myself for a brief, fleeting moment that it wasn’t so bad. I was wrong. I hated it here. I had begun to dread every game. I was in a rut. I had no idea how to get out. My first two weeks in the league had been disastrous. Thank the Lord for Arike, for she had taken me under her wing, motivating me to stay consistent, challenging me in practice to do my best. But in front of the crowd, in front of all the players I grew up watching and admiring, I bricked up.

Chris was an angel. Telling me I’d get over it as long as I didn’t give up. I wasn’t a quitter and I found comfort in the fact that other freshmen had a hard start to the season as well. Except Olivia Miles who had been hustling like crazy in the Storms. She earned it, but still the competitive side of me was drowning in jealousy. That was supposed to be me. I needed to be the rookie of the year. But this rut was taking all the joy out of me. I know what Geno would be saying. That I’m throwing myself a pity party and I needed to get over it. And once again I’d hate to admit that he’s right.

It took every ounce of strength I had to stay away from Izzie. To not gaze at her when she appeared in the corner of my eye, to not yearn for her presence when I lay in the dark at night, to not inhale as deeply as humanly possible every time she passed me. It felt like torture to pretend nothing happened between us.

To my demise it wasn’t just her body I longed for. It was her giggles, her stern stares when I played too much, it was her existence that I missed the most. Her weight on the opposite end of the couch, her quiet humming as she sat in the passenger seat of my car. It was killing me to stay away from her. Killing me. The only momentary relief I found was hooking up with other girls, but the moment it was over I always wanted them gone as quickly as I could.

“I’m sitting next to you okay?” Lou murmurs as us Wings pile into the airplane, moving in a slow line towards our seats.

“Good, I’mma need to take a nap,” I mumble, my voice hoarse and tired. We’re flying out to Chicago for a late night game, forcing us to catch a 5AM flight. Inhumane working conditions, I swear.

Somewhere behind me Izara is whispering to someone, her voice immediately recognisable to me even as a faint sound. My stomach turns as I grind my teeth together to distract from the desire to flip my head and look at her just for a moment. I slide myself into my seat next to the window, but as Lou is about to follow after, Chris stops her.

“Sorry, I know it’s early but Trey said they got an idea for some media stuff for you Paige. You don’t mind right?” Chris asks, holding Lou back and looking around. Before I can stop him or resist, he’s waving someone over. “Zari! You can do it now!”

The dark haired girl’s eyes widen as she looks around, trying to find someone to replace her. There’s no one. I want to die and from the look on the girl’s face, so does she.

“Just come sit next to Paige, c’mon, don’t be shy,” Chris chuckles, clearly unaware of how close we used to be. Good, at least we fooled someone. He might’ve been the only one we fooled.

Izzie looks as classy and elegant as ever, holding a beige trench coat in her hands, wearing boots and a champagne coloured satin skirt, hair and makeup done to perfection even at 5AM, standing out in a sea of messy hair and hoodies. I can tell she’s uneasy as she passes Chris and Lou, whispering a sorry to the brunette girl. I immediately stand up out of an old habit, pointing to my seat.

“You want the window one?” I ask gently, quietly, so no one hears my voice shaking.

Her green eyes twinkle as she looks everywhere but me, smiling awkwardly. “No, thank you though. I’m fine here.”

We sit down together, the heat radiating off her shoulder nearly rubbing against me making my eyes flutter shut just for a second. This better be quick or I might explode.

“Uh ok,” I mumble, watching as she sets her purse down and pulls out that notepad full of lists, mind maps and schedules that she always carries around. “Soo… how you been?”

“Just fine,” she whispers absentmindedly, looking for the right page. “I mean, good. I’ve been good. And you?”

The way she talks to me causes an ache in my heart, the coldness of her tone as if we were nothing more than co-workers. I guess that’s all we were now.

“I’m fine,” I reply with equal distance in my voice. “So whassup?”

“Well me and Trey,” of course her and Trey. All she did nowadays was walk around with him, giggling and whispering, letting Trey guide her by the small of her back. “We thought the fans might like it if you filmed a sort of game day vlog today. Would that be okay?”

I sigh, the tiredness not helping the pregame anxiety already making my chest tight. “Uhh, today?”

“I know, it’s going to be such a long day,” Zari mumbles, her eyes meeting mine, suddenly filled with empathy. “I’m sorry.” I think she might mean more than just today. I think she means us.

For a moment we stare at each other, and I think I see a hint of longing in her eye, but it soon disappears when Trey plops himself on the aisle seat on the other side of Izzie.

“How are we doing here ladies?” He asks, looking at the dark haired girl, bringing his hand to squeeze Izzie’s knee. Pulling my hand into a fist, I quickly look away, body trembling with jealousy. I hated Trey. I hated how he touched the girl I was meant to be with.

“We’re good Trey,” Izara smiles softly, but moves her leg further away from the man.

“You sure Zari?”

His tone softens, hand following the girl's knee despite the clear sign she doesn’t want to be touched by him. I grind my teeth together trying not to intervene. I know if anyone it’s Izzie who can handle herself.

“Trey,” the girl sighs. “We’re just fine. I’ll show Paige what to do and come sit with you, okay?”

She’s annoyed. I can tell because I knew her, really knew her. Trey doesn’t.

“Okay, I’mma go to my seat,” Trey smiles, waving bye to me. I barely lift my hand in response.

“Dude’s persistent,” I mumble, watching as he walks away. Iz scoffs, returning to her notepad.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” she murmurs. I scoff too, leaning back on the seat and spreading my legs further to feel Izara’s calf against mine. She doesn’t move, matter of fact I think she presses back just the tiniest bit.

“I mean that guy wants you bad,” I whisper.

Izara’s green eyes flicker to mine for a moment, before she rolls them. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I thought Linda didn’t like y’all dating coworkers.”

“She doesn’t.”

“Then why you letting Trey feel you up and shit?”

“Paige,” Zari warns me with a quiet scoff. Her eyes are stern. I know she means it. But I can’t help the jealousy stirring in me.

“If you into him you shoulda just said.”

“Paige!” She scoffs, eyes widening in shock at my attitude. I’m taking it too far, but I felt overwhelmed with everything going on in my life. And it’s not like I was ruining our friendship, it was already ruined.

So I don’t answer or back down. I stare straight into her green eyes, not looking away. Izzie’s entire face hardens as she rolls her eyes and is about to stand up, I assume to switch seats just as the seatbelt light turns on.

“You gotta sit do-”

“I know!” She huffs. I had never seen her composure crack this much out in public. It gave me a sick kind of satisfaction, to know I was getting under her skin.

We sit in silence, the girl tapping her foot nervously as the plane begins to move towards the runway. Iz chews on her lower lip, fingers scratching her arms, eyes shut. She’s anxious.

“You okay?” I ask, softening my voice a little.

The girl sighs, eyes fluttering open. “I hate the takeoff.”

I nod, watching Izara closely. Not sure what to say as we begin to accelerate for the ascend, I offer my hand to her. Without hesitation, the dark haired girl grabs it. I feel like I might burst into tears, realising just how bad I had missed her soft hand in mine, her gentle fingers grazing against my skin. As the plane takes off Izzie’s fingers tighten around my fingers, long nails digging into my skin. I don’t mind. Matter of fact I hope she draws blood, I hope she leaves scars and marks me forever. So she can be a part of me and my existence until I die.

She doesn’t let go until the seatbelt light turns off.

“Fucking shit!” I groan to myself, slamming the bench in the dressing room. Another shit game. Not for everyone, we won. But for me. And I couldn’t blame the coaching, I couldn’t blame the team, I couldn’t blame anyone but me. I felt livid. Furious. I couldn’t believe this was how my story had turned out. This couldn’t be God’s plan for me. It wasn’t right.

What made it even worse was the online discourse. The comments and the noise had become too much. I couldn’t open Twitter or TikTok without seeing comments of how I fell off, of how Uconn ruined me, how I had officially flopped. That I’d always be the girl who peaked in college.

“Fuck,” I hiss to myself as I feel Arike’s hand come to my shoulder and squeeze comfortingly as she passes me - a wordless comforting gesture that had become routine for us. She knew I wasn’t in the mood to talk after games like that.

“I’mma get some air,” I mumble, fully aware that I was behaving like a toddler who couldn’t get her way. I couldn’t help it. It was like I was out of my body, watching as I pull the jersey off in frustration and throw it behind me on the floor, walking out of the dressing room with a slam of the door.

“Ow!” Izzie’s screams as she bumps into my chest. Hard.

“Shit!” I yelp, grabbing her shoulders.

The dark haired girl chuckles softly, clearly unaware of my bad mood. “Hey, I was just looking for you. I was going to suggest that you-”

“Iz, no offense but not right now,” I groan as I walk past her, trying to keep the anger bubbling right beneath the surface in check. It wasn’t working, I could feel myself wanting to explode, skin itching and feeling hot.

“Oh,” she hums, following after me. “I’m sorry… Is there something I can do?”

“Fuck, Zari! Just leave me alone!”

My voice echoes back to me in the empty hallways. The scream is harsh, mean. I never call her Zari. I would never yell at her like this. I can’t believe myself. It immediately takes me out of my anger, and in that moment I turn over to see her.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, Iz-”

The room is spinning, my pulse rushing into my head. I hear the thumping of my heartbeat in my ears. Cheeks growing hot. I might be sick. I can feel my hands trembling - no, not my hands. My whole body. Without letting the blonde finish her apology, I walk off. I don’t hear anything but the pounding in my head.

Every raised voice I heard nowadays had me struggling. Ever since my engagement I couldn’t handle being screamed at. Something about the yelling fits Jasper got into had left a permanent mark on me. I could feel my palms sweating as I walk away from Paige aimlessly, unsure where I was going. Unaware of the blonde following after me until her clammy hands grab my shoulders.

“Izzie, I’m sorry, I dunno why I yelled ma,” she says remorsefully but it barely registers. In the midst of some sort of panic attack I try to fan myself, my clothes suddenly seeming too tight and overstimulating against my skin. I can feel the seams digging in, the tags rubbing into me irritatingly.

“Izzie you okay mama?”

My breathing grows shallower, head increasingly spinning more and more. Suddenly I feel hands wrapping around my body and pulling me into a tight hug, warm breath tickling in my ear.

“Breathe. Breathe with me Izzie,” her comforting, hoarse voice whispers. I feel her body expanding against mine as she takes slow, deep breaths. Focusing on the feeling I follow her pattern of breathing, now and then breaking into fast gulps of air only calmed down by Paige, reminding me to focus on her breathing as she rubs my back gently. Eventually the feeling of being unable to breath passes, replaced by utter exhaustion and lingering sadness. My body melts into Paige’s, molds against hers perfectly as we sit there and embrace. As the blonde begins to pull away I realise I don’t want her to let go of me. So I wrap my arms around her waist and tighten my hold of her. She gets the hint and embraces me for another five minutes or so. Until distant steps echo around the corridor.

“Someone’s coming,” I whisper, realising I’d been crying when I hear my own voice, shaky and soft.

Paige pulls back just enough to look around before pulling me into a random room. The fluorescent lights of the bathroom are bright compared to the dim corridor. I blink my tears away as Paige sits me down on the edge of the sink, never letting her hands fall of me. They rub comfortingly as she chases my gaze, a sad look in her eye.

“Are you okay?”

I nod. I’m not, but better than earlier. Better now that she was here with me.

Paige sighs, shaking her head to herself. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry I yelled, I didn’t mean to I was just-”

“No, I understand,” I nod. It had been hard to watch the first couple weeks of Paige’s time with the Wings. I knew how bad she needed a win for herself, how badly she deserved it. I could tell it was wearing her down. “Was a bad game.”

“Yeah but I never woulda yelled if I knew you freaked out like that.”

“I know,” I nod, sniffling a little. Paige grabs some toilet paper and hands it to me. I offer her a weak smile as I pat the tears off my cheeks. “I just…”

A deep sigh. I had never talked about this with anyone.

“My last relationship was really… just shit, yeah?” I explain. Paige furrows her brows, and I can tell she’s really listening. Really understanding how important this was for her to hear.

“And, he yelled a lot. Threw things, hit things, he never touched me but he’d break dishes and explode over the smallest things and somehow always make me out to be the bad guy. The one who needed to apologise- well anyway, ever since then I just… I can’t handle yelling. At all.”

Paige’s blue eyes blink at me as she nods, understanding. There’s a veil of sadness over her face.

“I know I overreacted. I’m sorry Paige,” I mumble meeting her gaze but immediately the blonde shakes her head.

“No, fuck, I’m sorry Iz,” she sighs licking her lips. “I’m never raising my voice around you again. I pr-”

“No, it’s just something I need to learn to live with,” I resist but Paige shakes her head again, more sternly now.

“I promise. Never, okay?”

We look at each other for a moment. I wish I could tell her how badly I missed her. But like reading my mind Paige’s mouth opens.

“I miss you so bad.”

My heart nearly stops. I missed her more than anything. Just her presence, her closeness, her stupid jokes, the car drives. Everything.

“Me too,” I admit. “But nothing’s changed Paige.”

“I know,” Paige murmurs, fingertips coming to play with the ends of my hair as she remains standing between my legs. I usually didn’t like anyone touching my hair after I’d done it. But something in this moment had me not caring.

“Maybe,” I start but then shake my head. Horrible idea. But Paige is eager for any solutions to our little problem. Well not so little, it had consumed me.

“No, tell me. Please Iz, c’mon,” she speaks in that soft tone that always drove me wild.

“I don’t know if it’ll work Paige.”

“Please mama, I’ll do anything. Just don’t wanna lose you. Need you in my life too bad right now.”

The two words are enough for me to fold.

“We could be friends. But that’s all it can ever be. Nothing more. Just friends,” like I said, a horrible, impossible idea. Even now my body was burning for her, her hands on my lower back leaving sparks on my skin.

Paige thinks for a while and then nods. “Then we’re friends.”

“Paige, are you sure we can be just friends?”

The blonde nods, meeting my eyes again. “I told you, I’ll be anything you need me to be.”

Fuck.

“I’mma be your friend. Till you want more. I’mma wait.”

“Paige-”

“Just say the word Iz and I’ll be more.”

She’s serious, her face hard as she looks at me.

“But for now friends, yeah?” Paige asks, thumb brushing a strand of hair that I’m not sure was even there off my cheek. Friends, what a terrible idea.

“Yeah. Friends.”

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#paige bueckers #so it goes #lilas writing yaps #paige bueckers x oc #paige bueckers fanfiction #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers fic #wnba x oc

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mysecretlittlelibrary · 11 months ago

Text

And So It Begins

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: cockwarming and general conversation about sex but that's about it-

Genre: smut

Summary: Some things are not self explanatory, and Steve has decided he's going to fill in the gaps by coming to you to ask his questions about sex and some of those questions have more involved answers than you'd expect

***

The knock on your bedroom door barely pulls your attention away from the sketch you're working on in your bed, however, after a couple of minutes the persistence of it interrupts your focus enough that you finish up the line you're doing and put the drawing pad down with a sigh. You pause the show that was really just filling the silence while you worked and force yourself up to answer the door. Steve is standing on the other side of it, as stiff as ever.

"Hey Steve what's up?"

"You're a smart woman." He says.

"Thank you?" You frown unsure where he's going with this.

"I have some questions I'd like answers to and you're the only person here I trust to answer them truthfully without making me feel embarrassed about it." He explained.

"Usually when people have questions that they're embarrassed to ask, they just take them to Google. The search engine I've taught you to use several times."

"Oh I've tried Google but the answers I get from there are-" Steve trails off and clears his throat, avoiding your questioning gaze.

"Are these questions you need answered now or in the near future? Are there a lot of them? Did you make a list? What are we talking about here exactly?" You quirk an eyebrow up at him.

"I wrote a few down, but I'm sure some of the answers will lead to more questions."

"Alright, come on in. My knowledge is at your disposal." You step out of the doorway so Steve can walk into your room. He takes a seat in the armchair off to the side and flips open his notepad. You had been joking about him making a list but you shouldn't be surprised he did, this is Steve after all.

"Okay I'm not sure where to begin." He frowns at his list.

"Just start at the top babes, whatever you wrote down first." You shrug.

"Right, yes. What is- cockwarming?" He blinks at you. Your eyes widen in surprise. If you'd been drinking something you'd have spit it out.

"Jesus Christ Steve." You chuckle. He blushes when you call him handsome you'd never have guessed those words would come out of his mouth.

"Sorry, I should've warned you it was rather... vulgar." Steve frowns.

"I'm far from chaste Steve, I'm just- I can't believe you even know that word." You say.

"I read it somewhere and I didn't want to Google it because the couple of times I have Googled something like this the results were, undigestible. But you know a lot about sex so I figure-"

"Well hang I know a decent amount about sex, but that applies to a lot of things, it's not limited to sex I'm not the Kama Sutra." You cut him off.

"The what?" He asks.

"Kama Sutra- it's a book about sex and sensuality and what not."

"Oh okay." Steve takes a moment to scribble it down on a different page in his notepad. "Sorry okay so can you answer my question about the other thing or do you not know."

"Cockwarming? Yeah I know what it is." You shrug.

"Well?"

"It's pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Warming a dick. You stick it in a hole, but you're not supposed to move, you just- chill out."

"Stick it in a hole?" Steve blinks at you. Perhaps you could've done better than that but you've had to never explain sex things in a non-sexual relationship.

"Yeah. It could be your dick in a vagina, I'm sure queer couples do it also so it could be your dick in an asshole. Or a strap-on if it's about the... control of it all. Somebody's probably also tried it as an oral fixation thing but I can't imagine that would be nearly as pleasant." Your brows pull together as you consider the option.

"Oral fixation?" Steve asks.

"A desire to have something in your mouth." You say.

"What thing?"

"Anything. Varies from person to person really. Sometimes a dick, sometimes fingers, sometimes gags, the list goes on." You shrug. Steve jots down things as you talk, there's something a little endearing about his notetaking.

"This is all fascinating. But what's the point of cockwarming?"

"That is something I'm not sure how to explain to you." You shake your head.

"Why not?"

"Well because it's a thing people like, and obviously that's subjective. You may not like it but you'll only find that out if you ever try it and that's not something I can really help with."

"Why?" He asks.

"Excuse me?" You blink.

"Why can't you help with that?"

"Why would I help with that?"

"I told you I came to you because I trust your knowledge."

"Yeah but wouldn't a kinesthetic lesson like that be kind of crossing a line? Most people figure this stuff out through porn or with a partner."

"There are a lot of modern things I barely understand, this is an area I'd like to not make a fool of myself in down the line." Steve says.

"Okay. We're friends so- I'll help you out the best I can, I did already say my knowledge is at your disposal but we should probably have some rules if we're going to cross that line." You say.

"Of course. Whatever you think is best." He nods.

"I want to establish safe words. They're used like- referee cards during a sports game, kind of. I usually use a stoplight system. Green means keep going, yellow means slow down or proceed with caution, red means stop and whatever is happening would come to a complete halt. Of course we don't have to use the stoplight you can simply pick a word that works for you. Something easy to remember that won't get easily confused."

"Why wouldn't you just say stop?"

"Well- we can! It's just that for some sexual activities saying stop may not be ideal." You say.

"What?"

"Sometimes saying stop is part of the sexual situation so you say it but you don't mean it so it's not really an effective way to indicate that you actually want something to stop. Like impact stuff, spankings and what not, sometimes you'll shout no or stop instinctively but you're not actually trying to ask them to stop, you're enjoying it. So you pick another word to mean stop. Plus there's consensual non-consent-"

"That's an oxymoron." He cuts you off.

"Yes I know but they call it that because all the risk is manufactured, predetermined, discussed and agreed upon in advance. It's all the thrill without any of the actual danger. That's a lesson for a different day. You can write it down if you want to come back to it."

"I like the stoplight. It's simple and self explanatory."

"Great, you can use it at any time to indicate how you're doing. If something is uncomfortable, say so. This isn't some sort of interrogation training, you are not obligated to endure anything and since this is about you learning don't hesitate to communicate with me if you realize something's not working or you have a question. Did all of that make sense?"

"Perfectly." He nods.

"Great. Any questions?" You ask.

"Just a general one- will we need a schedule for this?"

"For when you're allowed to come to me with sexual questions?"

"Well- since sometimes it'll involve more than a verbal explanation, should we have a plan for when it's a good time for you?"

"Nah it's fine. Our schedules aren't consistent enough for that really. Just ask whenever you have one and if it becomes a bigger thing that needs a more in depth explanation we can figure it out." You shrug.

"Well if that works for you, I'm okay with it."

"Very well, we'll start with your first question as today's lesson. Cockwarming. I've already told you what it is but you don't seem to understand why anyone would do it. It's mostly an intimacy thing. For those that do it there's something about the closeness that appeals to them."

"It just doesn't seem very comfortable. Plus wouldn't you want to move." He frowns.

"Well I don't have a dick so I don't know, you can sit there speculating or we can turn this into a hands on lesson and you can decide for yourself it you hate it." You say.

"Hands... on?"

"Yeah, we just went through all the logistics for it. Might as well put it into practice since you're so- curious about the details of this one. You don't have to of course, if you're too shy, feel free to let me know."

"I'm not too shy. I just wasn't expecting that suggestion."

"You wanna get why people do it? Try it. You can either try it now since you came to me for answers or ask your girlfriend when you eventually get one." You shrug. "Up to you of course. What would you like to do?"

"I- okay let's... try it." He says hesitantly.

"You sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure." He nods.

"Do you want me to turn around while you ready yourself?" You offer.

"Would you mind?"

"You know Steve, you'll have to get used to me seeing you naked if this is going to be our arrangement." You say turning your back to him. You do smile a little to yourself, it's a little cute that he's so nervous, and even cuter that apparently his determination outweighs that.

"Well... I guess, but you offered to-"

"I know, you're more on the reserved side and I want you to know your comfort is a priority, but I'm just saying some of your questions might be hard to answer kinesthetically if I can't look at you."

"Yeah, I suppose that makes sense. We'll get there. It might take me a while though." He says.

"That's fine Stevie, I'm just the tutor. We move at your pace." You shrug.

"Do I- this may be a silly question, but do I need to fully undress for this?"

"You can keep your top on if you'd like, but your pants and underwear have to come off."

"Okay then- I'm ready." He says. You turn around and Steve stands awkwardly and pantless in your room.

"Have a seat at the desk please." You nod your head towards your desk chair as you shimmy off your own shorts and panties. You can feel Steve's eyes on you as he moves to the seat you directed him to and you have to fight to suppress the smile pulling at your mouth. "Alright, it's pretty straightforward, I'm just going to sit in your lap."

"Wait do- we need to prepare at all for this? Are you sure you're ready?" He asks.

"Normally you'd be right but honestly I'm pretty good already. Trust me, we can skip that step this time around." You chuckle. That's as much as you're willing to tell him, whether he figures out what you mean or not is his business.

"Okay." His brow furrows a bit.

"Do you want to hold your dick for this or is it okay for me to do it?" You ask as you walk over to him.

"Oh- uh you can do it." Steve says his cheeks tinging the slightest shade of pink.

"Okay." You wrap your fingers around his dick and shuffle over his lap, hovering above him as you line him up with your entrance. He's hot and heavy in your hand as you gently rock your hips to help your body take him in. You're incredibly wet which helps but with how thick he is it takes a moment to settle fully onto his lap. He lets out a shuddering breath once you're seated. For a while you just sit silently, trying to control the reflexive clenching of your walls around his dick. You'll admit you haven't had sex in a while, and you don't really think about it often but you're really enjoying the feeling of being full right now.

"Christ." He eventually whispers.

"Are you okay?" You ask him.

"Y-you're so warm. It's like... a furnace." He grunts dropping his head to your shoulder.

"Yeah?" You hum. You almost want to laugh at the analogy.

"And you're so- wet. Are you, just always like this?" He asks breathily.

"I dunno, more often than not I guess? I've never given it much thought because usually there's a lot of foreplay involved in my sexcapades so, it's even wetter by the time I'm actually having sex." You shrug. Steve hisses and bucks into you, making you moan sharply.

"Sorry! Sorry. It just- you keep squeezing around me I can't focus." Steve groans, his hands settling on your hips. You hadn't even realized until now that he wasn't touching you.

"I'm not squeezing on purpose it just happens." You stutter.

"Really? God this is- intense." He sighs.

"Sometimes it's done after sex, if you don't want to lose the closeness of being joined this way even after, the act is over." You tell him.

"That- I can see how that would make sense." He grunts. "It does feel... nice. It's just- also really challenging. You're so- hot around me and unfortunately my anatomy reacts the same as anyone's would when in this situation. It's a true test of willpower."

"Do you want me to get up? If it's uncomfortable you don't have to- I think the point's been made. You've given it a try and-"

"No. No, I'm not- I like the feel of you around me. I'm not ready for you to move." His grip on your hips tighten slightly.

"So- you like it then?" You ask.

"Yeah- a lot actually." He nods.

"Well, now you know. Lesson successful I suppose."

"Do you- mind if we stay like this for a while?"

"Well I've got nowhere else to be at the moment." You shrug.

"Have you ever done this before?"

"Cockwarming?"

"Yeah-"

"Oh, yeah. This is far from my first rodeo."

"So you enjoy it?"

"I mean yeah, I like the closeness of it, and how full I feel. It's comforting, kinda like hugging a stuffed animal but- way different I suppose." You say.

"That's- one way to describe it."

"Sorry, I realize I'm being unecessarily genteel considering you're inside me right now." You chuckle.

"It's fine. It's, cute. But if it's about me, you don't have to be polite for my sake."

"I don't think you're ready for the kind of filth that could be coming out of my mouth in this setting Stevie." You warn.

"I'm not some blushing school boy you know." Steve scoffs.

"Maybe not, but I still think it's better to ease you into that version of me. I don't want it to take away from the point of this. We're not exploring my sexual preferences so no need to throw you into the deep end in that regard." You explain.

"I'm a pretty strong swimmer." He says and you laugh.

"You say that now." You hum.

"I feel like you have no faith in me."

"That's not it. I'm assessing. Thirty minutes ago I wouldn't have believed you'd be having an open conversation about sex with anyone in this tower, let alone me."

"You've got a lot to learn."

"So do you." You smirk, stroking his cheek. Honestly you think you could sit here talking to Steve like this for the rest of the day, as distracting as it is to have him inside you this way and not move, you're far more experienced in this than Steve, and the dull ache is easy to deal with when you're having silly conversations.

***

#marvel #marvel fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers smut

370 notes · View notes

buckseb · 2 years ago

Text

mine

pairings — rafe cameron x fem!reader

summary — in which, when rafe attempts to start over, he finds a mysterious girl who leaves him more and more curious about her after they meet. based on the song mine by taylor swift!

word count — 6.6k.

warnings — rafe left home and is more mentally stable and trying to be better, angst, fluff, reader has a bad past and family issues, use of pet-names [princess, baby, angel, sweetheart], hugs from the back, neck kisses, picnic dates, slight hints and mentions of fireworks and fourth of july, forehead kisses, forehead touches, kisses, rafe refers to reader as his girl a few times, reader calls rafe by his last name a few times, mentions of bills, arguments and fights, slight mentions of both of them getting mean in the fight, rain conversations, reader's big abandonment and trust issues are heavily mentioned, the reader and rafe get an unexpected and harsh visit from her parents, big mentions and hints of mental health, mentions and hints of rafe's dad's abuse in the past, reader has an episode and she has one with a panic episode with it, big mentions of reader and rafe visiting the obx and him being on good terms with sarah and the pogues because i wanted peace in this, mentions of rafe going back to college and working at a cafe.

notes — i've been wanting to do this one for a while, so here it is! gif and divider creds to owner!

p.s., feedback is very much encouraged and appreciated <3.

main masterlist

EVERYONE WANTS A FRESH START.

in this case, this means two polar opposites from completely different worlds.

all rafe wanted to do, was leave his life and past in outer banks behind — as far as he was concerned, the old rafe was gone.

after taking consequences for his actions and getting some much needed help, rafe moved out of his dad’s house and went back to college.

"ah-ah, ah-ah. ah-ah, ah-ah."

then, he got his life together and was ready enough for a job.

“you were in college, working part-time, waiting tables. left a small town, never looked back. i was a flight risk with a fear of fallin’, wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts.”

as great as it was that rafe was finally settled in the old town of charleston, things were about to change.

he was working, and one day, a girl — a very mysterious one, might i add — decided to stop at the cafe for some peace and quiet.

it wasn’t the first time a girl — or girls, if i’m being completely honest — stopped there.

in fact, loads of girls stopped there daily, most usually only stopping by to fawn over rafe.

but, he didn’t pay any mind to the attention — he was used to getting attention from girls from his experience as a kook back in outer banks.

and honestly? none of the girls that he’d seen stop at the cafe ever intrigued him or left him speechless.

well, at least until he met her.

there was something different about [y/n] — she had a certain distant emptiness to her.

she was reserved and quiet and shy, almost always making sure to do everything right, in fear of everything crashing down on her.

as she walks over to a table and sits down and opens up a book from her bag, rafe glances up and it’s as if time stops when their eyes make contact, despite how cheesy and corny that sounds.

he couldn’t believe his eyes — she was beautiful, of course.

but, she had that kind of side of her that he could tell she didn’t think it herself.

an easy-going smile is thrown her way as he makes his way over to her table, trying to ignore the shocking nerves coming from him.

“hi. would you like something to drink?” he asks in a surprisingly calm tone as he pulls out his notepad and pen, awaiting her answer.

looking up anxiously, she gulps, trying not to let the intimidation of the gorgeous man in front of her get to her.

“could i just get some water?” she murmurs so softly that rafe almost doesn’t even hear her.

he nods, watching her curiously. “sure. will that be all for your order?” he questions, raising a brow at her.

as she notices the way he’s watching her, like he’s seeing right through her ‘i’m fine’ facade and her soul, she nods shakily as a shiver rushes through her spine.

“y—yes. thank you.” she mumbles as he nods and says something about her water being out as soon as possible and puts away his pen and notepad.

but, as he walks back to get her water, he turns around and looks at her once more, this time noticing the scared look in her eyes — it's obvious that there’s more to her than she's revealing.

“i say, ‘can you believe it?’ as we’re lyin’ on the couch. the moment, i could see it. yes, yes, i can see it now.”

with a content sigh, [y/n] moves into rafe’s welcoming arms.

as she lays her head on his chest, his chin resting on top of her head, he wraps his arms around her and a sense of calmness — something neither of them have ever felt in their entire lives — fills their hearts.

it was just them, lying on his couch in the living room of his apartment, relaxing.

it’d been a few weeks, after he’d gotten her number and asked her out on a date — they’d been on countless dates, even though she was a little hesitant to get involved with him because of her past.

and now, they're almost completely comfortable around each other.

although, both rafe and [y/n] still have doubts and hesitance on whether this new and recent relationship will work, or even whether they can let their guards down around and let each other in.

but as they hold each other for a moment longer, a startling thought pops into [y/n]’s head and it causes a shaky breath to leave her lips.

noticing the change in her, rafe moves his chin away from her head and angles his head in a way that helps him see her face completely. he also notices her tearful gaze.

“hey… what’s wrong?” he questions, brushing her hair out of her face.

another sigh later, and she’s shaking her head and waving him off. “i—i’m fine. don’t worry about me.” her voice breaks and trembles, causing him to lift her chin up, in order for her to look at him in the face.

he gives her a pointed look, hoping it’ll coax her into telling him what’s wrong.

with another sigh, she finally voices her thoughts, “i just realized that i’m still scared that you’ll find something wrong with me — that you don’t like — and will either hurt me or leave me… ” she trails off, some of the tears actually escaping her hurt eyes.

realization hits him as his eyes soften. “i’m not going to leave or hurt you, okay? let’s just see how this goes.” he murmurs seriously, rubbing a comforting hand over her arms to soothe the upset mood she's in.

sighing once more, she nods, before snuggling further into his embrace, eyes closing.

“do you remember, we were sitting there by the water? you put your arm around me for the first time. you made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter. you are the best thing, that’s ever been mine.”

loud giggles leave her lips as he playfully chases her into the water.

“rafe! n—no! don’t you dare think about doing what i think you’re about to do!” [y/n] exclaims, noticing the mischievous glint in his eyes as she holds a hand up in the air.

he smirks in amusement.

then, he runs toward her — despite, her moving back every time he gets closer — and grabs her, lifting her up and running further into the water, before throwing her into the deeper part of the water.

she goes under for a moment, before eventually coming back up.

“r—rafe!” she exclaims, coughing a bit, since some water went into her nose and mouth when she went under.

she glares at him, shivering and trying to remain upset with him.

but then, he breaks into that smile — you know which one, the one that would make any girl’s heart swell — and her pissed-off resolve starts to fade away.

then, he laughs.

“you’re so cute when you try to act mad.” he murmurs, moving closer to her as she moves to stand up, still shivering.

she groans, a smile trying to desperately make its way onto her face.

“rafeeee! you can’t say stuff like that… ” she mumbles, full-on blushing now.

he chuckles at her reaction, before moving his hands up her arms in a repetitive motion, in order to warm her up better.

then, he moves his arm to put around her shoulder and starts walking closer to the shore with her.

as they finally sit back down on the towel, that’s near the water, [y/n] snuggles further into rafe’s chest, a content sigh leaving her lips as she begins to feel at peace.

“thank you.”

“for what?” rafe looks down at her, eyebrows furrowing as he becomes confused on what she’s thanking him for.

[y/n] hesitates for a second. “for showing me how to live life without me feeling like i don’t deserve it.” she murmurs quietly, her voice coming out small.

after hearing her statement, realization hits rafe of what she means — she's talking about her old home life, before she moved away from her family.

her father was a workaholic and not the best person in the world, always snapping at her and her mother.

not only that, but her family was always, always fighting.

and she was always the blame when it came to her family defending their actions — she never got to live the life she deserved.

but now, she can. with rafe.

“of course. you deserve to live your life to the fullest and to always be happy, okay?” he murmurs softly before placing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“flash forward and we’re taking on the world together. and there’s a drawer of my things at your place. you learn my secrets and you figure out why i’m guarded. you say you’ll never make my parents’ mistakes.”

rafe watches in concern as [y/n] struggles to get off of the phone with her family — a family she honestly wants nothing to do with.

with a heavy sigh, she finally hangs up, before making her way over to the kitchen’s table.

“god… ” she mutters, wiping away the fresh tears away from her cheeks.

“angel, what’s going on?” rafe murmurs, moving to sit beside her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

[y/n] sighs, refusing to look him in the eye — she knows that the second she looks at him, the truth will come tumbling out.

though, rafe doesn’t take offense to this and simply waits for when she’s ready to talk.

and when she does finally look over at him, the tears fall and the stuttering and trembling statements of the truth come out.

rafe’s eyes soften as he calmly and patiently listens to her.

“princess, i hope you know that i would never hurt you like your parents. and i’ll never hurt you the way your dad hurt your mom.” he murmurs seriously, moving his hand to cup one of her cheeks.

“you p—promise?” she trembles, more tears falling.

he nods. “always.”

then, he pulls her in for a hug, allowing her to let everything out.

“but we got bills to pay. we got nothing figured out, when it was hard to take. yes, yes, this is what i thought about.”

she lets out a light giggle when she feels those familiar arms wrapping around her waist as she continues to try to think straight on the numbers she's trying to put together.

"what're you doing?" he murmurs, kissing her neck, before glancing down at the paper that she's holding over the table.

a quick sigh in defeat leaves her lips when he pulls away from her and takes the paper from her and folds it, before putting it in his back pocket.

"you don't need to worry about that right now." he says seriously as she turns around to face him with a stern expression.

he rolls his eyes at her determination and stubbornness. "don't give me that look, sweetheart."

she opens her mouth to defend herself, but he interrupts her, "you don't have to worry about that."

she raises her hands up in the air in clear frustration. "but, i live here! i can't just live here — with you — and not pay for it!"

rafe rolls his eyes — again — at her, becoming frustrated himself. "princess, you don't have to pay for that."

she groans, clenching her eyes shut for a moment, before opening up her eyes and marching over to him.

"yes," she says, tapping his chest with her pointer finger, before continuing on, "i do. i've been living with you for a long while!"

"and," she says, motioning to the living room, where a lot of her stuff is sitting in boxes. "i already have all of my stuff here!"

rafe sighs, knowing that she has a right to feel this way, especially with the way she was raised.

giving her a serious look, he places each of his hands over her shoulders, trying to calm her down and ease her worries. "okay." he simply says.

she knits her eyebrows together in confusion and shock. "okay?"

he nods, chuckling at her shocked reaction. "yes, okay. we'll figure this out. but, for right now, let's just relax and take it one step at a time, okay?"

with a quiet sigh, she nods, letting him lead her into the living room.

"do you remember, we were sitting there by the water? you put your arm around me for the first time. you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter. you are the best thing that's ever been mine."

it was meant to be a quiet, romantic picnic by the water. but, it becomes something else entirely.

something much more carefree and exciting.

rafe had planned this for the past few days, knowing that despite he'd been trying to get her to relax about the bills, she was going to be stressed no matter what.

but, that didn't mean that he couldn't give her a nice evening to distract her.

it really was meant to be serious, but that's exactly what [y/n] didn't want. because she wanted the distraction too.

and she's not quite sure how it happens, but she finds herself letting her guard down and wanting to live in excitement.

it's hard to explain, but rafe makes her happy and he makes her feel like she can actually live without everything she's been through holding her back.

that's exactly why when rafe hands her a bowl of grapes, she grabs a few and jokingly throws them at him.

she giggles when she sees the shocked look on his face, but then a teasing glint fills his eyes and a mischievous smile forms on his lips.

"oh, you're gonna pay for that one, sweetheart!" he says, getting up and preparing to get to her, causing her to squeal in both excitement and shock.

she giggles as she gets up and runs away from him, an insane amount of happiness and peace filling her at the current situation — it's moments like this with rafe that makes life feel worth living.

as she keeps running through the spacious field with tall grass and weeds, she glances back again, only to not see him.

this causes her to stop in confusion and look around.

only when she looks in front of her, does she see him jokingly running towards her.

"no!" she squeals, moving to run in the opposite direction, but he catches up to her and is able to pull her to his chest by wrapping his arms around her waist.

she giggles, sighing in defeat, before groaning in feigned-sadness.

"you got me, cameron."

he chuckles, leaning closer to kiss her shoulder and inhaling her scent, taking in the moment. "yes, i do."

the love in his voice causes her to turn around in his hold, his hands holding her waist as she cups his face in her hands.

maybe she's just in the moment — she doesn't know, and she doesn't care — but she murmurs those three words in honesty, "i love you."

he's shocked for a moment, before leaning closer to press a kiss to her forehead. "i love you, too."

a smile takes over both of their lips.

"do you remember all the city lights on the water? you saw me start to believe for the first time. you made a rebel out of a careless man's careful daughter. you are the best thing that's ever been mine."

a big smile on her face is what distracts rafe from the booming and bright fireworks.

that big smile, paired with the excited and awed glint in her eyes as she admires how the fireworks shine and reflect through the water makes his heart nearly stop.

he should be enjoying the celebratory fireworks, but he's only focused on her, because seeing her happy is everything he's ever wanted — possibly from the first moment he met her, even when she refused to get to know him in the beginning because of how scared she was to let him in, after everything she's been through.

noticing how quiet he is, [y/n] turns to face him, adorable confusion in her eyes as she knits her eyebrows together in concern.

"rafe? what's wrong?"

he's quiet for a moment, before shaking his head with a happy smile on his lips. "nothing."

"you sure?" she asks, still very much confused and worried.

that excitement that she expressed before is long gone now as she starts to ramble, "if something's wrong, we can go. it's okay if you're not feeling these fireworks anymore."

rafe immediately shakes his head, moving to kiss her forehead. "everything's fine. i promise."

"okay... then, what is it? what's on your mind?" she asks, tilting her head to the side in further confusion.

he chuckles, smiling down at her. "i just like seeing my girl happy."

not expecting this, [y/n]'s mouth falls open for a second, before her face turns red, clearly loving being called his girl.

he smirks at this, fully knowing his effect on her.

she sighs and leans her forehead over his, not caring who sees. "rafe, i hope you know you've changed my life and i'm so much more happier for it — with you in it."

those words bring a big smile to his lips. "good, i'm glad."

"oh-oh, oh."

one thing she loves most about being with rafe is how complete and happy she feels around him.

because despite the fact that she believed that she'd be stuck in her trauma for the rest of her life, he's shown her that there's more to life and that she wants what he's given to her.

"and i remember that fight, 2:30 a.m. as everything was slipping right out of our hands. i ran out crying and you followed me out into the street. braced myself for the goodbye. 'cause it's all i've ever known. then you took me by surprise. you said, 'i'll never leave you alone.' (oh)."

it was over something stupid — some small argument that turned into a screaming match.

it was something that caused the both of them to lose their control and snap at the other — that let them lose their cool.

it started with [y/n] just asking him a question — and of course it was about the bills because she wanted to do what she could to pay for her living with him.

then, he'd gotten frustrated. and what was once bickering, turned into something much more worse.

and it's not like they're angry at each other.

[y/n] just couldn't shake the feeling of being like a burden and rafe just wanted to show her that that's not how he sees or feels about her.

and it just didn't feel good for either of them — the insults and frustrated comments they made towards each other only made things worse.

when rafe opens his mouth to say something else, [y/n] quickly turns around and walks over to the door.

this throws him off, making him gape at her in surprise.

"[y/n], where are you going?" he asks, getting up and starting to step towards her, but he doesn't get close to her when she quickly twists the door knob and pulls the door open.

she runs out, and despite the pouring rain, she races into it, running until her feet hurt, to the other side of the apartment.

with breathless gasps and sobs leaving her body, she stops short and falls to her knees with her hands quickly hiding her face behind them with her shoulders shaking.

all she can think about is that she's probably messed everything up.

she just had to get involved with the bills and bring up — once again, for the millionth time — how she needs to pay her share for staying with him.

all she can think about is that as soon as she goes back into his apartment, he's going to break up with her and kick her out with a broken heart.

footsteps stop from behind her, but she doesn't hear it because she's distracted with the negative thoughts in her head.

then, a touch to her shoulder shakes her out of her own head and causes her to shakily stand up and turn around.

but, she doesn't look at him, she keeps her head downcast, refusing to see that disappointed look that's most likely on his face right now.

"hey, look at me." he murmurs softly, his heart hurting at how upset she is — how upset he's made her.

she still doesn't, however.

with a deep sigh, he lifts her chin up, forcing her to look at him. "i'm sorry, baby. i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to hurt you."

he frowns as she takes a deep breath, the tears spilling onto her cheeks.

a shaky breath leaves his lips and his eyes immediately soften, gently swiping away the tears with a tender expression on his face.

"i love you so much, princess. it was never my intention to get so cruel. please, know that." he murmurs, his face quickly forming with an expression of guilt and regret.

she sighs, finally finding the courage to speak, "it's not your fault, rafe. this is on me. i'm the one that's been bombarding you with letting me help with the bills — i just kept pushing."

he tilts his head slightly to the side in confusion.

when she doesn't say anything else, he shakes his head. "hey, this isn't your fault. i shouldn't have gotten so mad at you."

her bottom lip trembles, hating how upset she's getting around him.

"it is, though. i've messed everything up and our relationship is going to fall apart because i always destroy everything i touch." she whispers this emotional statement, but rafe hears it clearly.

he sighs, stepping closer to her and gently cupping her cheeks in his hands. "baby, when you told me the truth about your family, i told you then that i'd never hurt you like that." he says seriously, causing her to knit her eyebrows together.

"i promised you that. and that includes not leaving you, okay?" he murmurs, frowning when he sees more tears fill her eyes.

"i'm not leaving you — ever. i meant it when i said i loved you, and i still do."

she still doesn't believe it for a second, but when he doesn't say anything else and his face stays with an expression of honesty, she changes her mind — she believes him now.

"you promise that?" she asks quietly, her voice tight.

he nods, his face still filled with honesty, before he pulls her into him and wraps his arms around her body, while her face falls into his chest and her arms go around his back.

"we're going to figure this out, i promise."

shockingly, those words do just enough to comfort her in the moment.

"you said, 'i remember how we felt, sitting by the water. and every time i look at you, it's like the first time. i fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter. she is the best thing that's ever been mine.'"

it was unexpected to say the least.

she didn't even know how they found her — she hadn't told many people from her old town where she'd moved.

but, somehow, they found her.

the only thing she hates most, is that rafe gets dragged into it — she doesn't want this for him.

but, she and rafe had gone out, to go get some breakfast and then get some groceries, since they've been running low on a lot of things.

and on their way home, [y/n] almost trips, causing rafe to immediately catch her in his arms when they both realize that it's because one of her shoes is untied.

as rafe bends down to tie her shoes, she rolls her eyes at his joking manners.

"there you go, my lady!" he says with a joking tone of voice as he stands back up.

she giggles, rolling her eyes at him. "you're so silly right now, rafe cameron."

he smiles, happy to see her smile as he leans in to place a kiss on her forehead.

despite the fact that they're in the middle of the path of the sidewalk, the couple doesn't even take notice of the people walking past them and giving them dirty looks.

"you're so cute." he murmurs, pulling her body into his and wrapping one of his arms around hers, before pressing a tender kiss to her forehead.

this only causes her to giggle in response, a happy smile taking over on her face.

"you really are, though." he says when he pulls away from her.

she shrugs, not quite believing him herself.

he sighs, rolling his eyes at her clear refusal to believe him.

"you are, sweetheart," he says seriously, now moving his hands to hold her face in his hands. "you are quite literally the best thing to ever happen to me."

her mouth falls open in surprise, before her cheeks flush red and a small smile forms on her lips.

"you really mean that?" she asks softly, tilting her head to the side and watching him closely.

he nods quietly, causing a happy glint to fill her eyes and for her smile to turn into something bigger.

"i feel the same about you, cameron."

the both of them find themselves stuck in the moment, but when someone else passes them, they remember where they are.

rafe steps away from her, but not before intertwining their hands together and leading her down the pathway that's near the apartment building.

but, when they finally get there, two people standing outside makes [y/n] freeze in place.

rafe turns to face her with concern on his face. "hey, what's wrong?" he asks, noticing what she's looking at, making him turn to look too.

not knowing who they are, he turns back to face her. "who are they? do you know them?"

she gulps nervously as the unknown couple starts walking towards them.

catching rafe's nervous face, she quietly explains in a tight voice, "they're my parents."

rafe's once concerned face shifts into one of instinctive-protectiveness.

when he turns back around, her parents finally step in front of them.

[y/n] gulps nervously, barely even noticing the way rafe steps in front of her protectively with one of his arms in front of her — she's too distracted.

"you need to leave." rafe says, before either of [y/n]'s parents can speak first.

her mother is startled, whereas her father becomes quickly irritated. "who do you think you are? we're only here to speak to our daughter!"

her mother, despite everything she's put [y/n] through, nervously touches her ex-husband's shoulder to stop him from starting anything, especially in public.

he, however, harshly shrugs her hand off of his shoulder with an angry look in his eyes.

rafe turns to check on his girlfriend, only to notice the scared and nervous look in her eyes.

seeing this only makes him even more irritated — he hates to see her happy mood from before become sour and sad.

"you seriously need to go. you don't get to pop up back into her life after putting her through hell." he tries his best to stay calm.

this only angers [y/n]'s father; he scoffs angrily, motioning to his daughter. "[y/n], tell this idiot to leave and let us talk!"

[y/n]'s mother winces, nervously glancing around them, noticing that people, who're passing by, are stopping to watch.

somehow, though, [y/n] finds the courage to shake her head insistently. "no. he stays."

this only aggravates her father even more.

"are you really going to let him talk to us like this?!"

she flinches, stepping back.

however, seeing this is just enough for rafe. "you guys need to go. [y/n] has moved on from what you guys put her through and she doesn't need this or any more surprise visits. she doesn't owe you anything."

her father goes to say more, but his ex-wife stops him by grabbing his shoulder to hold him back.

rafe turns back to face [y/n], grabbing her hand and holding it in his own gently.

a soft look fills his face as he speaks his next words, "your daughter is an amazing woman, despite how much you've hurt her. and i love her," he says, causing her to smile in appreciation and love, before he turns back to face her parents again. "and she doesn't need this from you."

"so, do her a favor and leave. and don't come back." he says tensely, still holding her back from behind her.

"excuse me?!" [y/n]'s father exclaims angrily, moving to step forward, not scaring rafe one bit, considering he's use to abusive men like his father.

rafe stays standing in front of his girlfriend in a protective stance, but her mother is the one who reacts before her ex-husband can.

a look of defeat fills her face as she struggles to pull him away from his daughter and her boyfriend.

"let's just go. this was a mistake." she says, still struggling to hold him back.

finding the courage, [y/n] says the next thing that — shockingly — convinces him to leave, "dad, please. just go," she anxiously flinches when she sees the angry look in his eyes, after what she says next, "i'm sorry, but i don't want anything to do with either of you. and you both owe it to me to do that for me."

with a shocked expression, he lets his ex-wife pull him away from them.

when they're finally gone, rafe and [y/n] turn to each other, allowing her the final moment to break.

she drops the grocery bags to the ground, beginning to breathe heavily with tears spilling to her cheeks.

rafe sighs, knowing what she needs as he pulls her into his chest, dropping his own bags to the ground gently.

"it's okay, baby. they're gone." he murmurs quietly, finally wrapping his arms around her body and allowing her to feel what she needs to.

"hold on, make it last. hold on, never turn back. (hold on), you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter. (hold on), you are the best thing that's ever been mine."

it wasn't a good time. not for either of them.

[y/n] knew that getting into a relationship so soon with rafe was bound to cause some issues for her.

especially with how she struggled in the beginning to open up and let him in and to begin to love him because that would mean letting down her guard and getting attached to him, until he'd eventually leave, because that's all that ever happens with her.

but, rafe is different — he promised he'd never leave or hurt her, and he meant that, and he still does.

it was just one of those days with an intense episode and this time, she can't control it.

and rafe having his own experience with mental health is able to see it from a mile away. and he's able to be there for her — and refuses to leave her — despite what she expects.

he walks past the hallway of the apartment, only to find her on the floor, against the couch, in the living room.

she's shaking and her face is practically beat red from crying and her breathing is panicked.

"baby?" he calls, causing her to immediately glance up in surprise.

her mouth falls open, her eyes filled with panic, but she quickly looks down and hides her face behind her hands.

"i'm fine, rafe. just leave me alone." she says, loud enough for him to hear, hoping that he'll listen because there's no way he'll still see her the same if he witnesses any more of this episode that she's clearly having right now.

this doesn't do anything to deter him.

in fact, it only concerns him more as he races over to her in concern.

her breathing only becomes much more heavy and rushed as he kneels in front of her.

"princess, talk to me." he murmurs quietly, internally struggling on how to be there for her without setting her off — he knows too well how it feels to be so consumed with pain, but to snap at anyone because of it.

she doesn't say anything, but her hands shake as she desperately tries to hold in everything she feels, in order to not snap at her boyfriend.

"hey," he murmurs, finally reaching over to gently pull her hands away from her face. "you can talk to me. you don't have to go through this alone." he murmurs, quickly becoming much more worried when he sees the way she's struggling to breathe.

the look in his eyes that are filled with both concern and love gives her the courage to finally talk, "r—rafe, i can't... i can't b—breathe... "

that pressure on her chest becomes incredibly tighter as she clenches her eyes shut in further panic.

he sighs, soothingly running one of his hands over one side of her hair in worry.

"okay... do you know if you're having a panic attack or anxiety attack, or is this an episode?" he asks genuinely, grabbing one of her hands and rubbing his thumb over it soothingly as he waits for her answer.

she shakes her head in more stress, shaking. "i—i don't know... i think... i—it might be b—both."

rafe sighs stressfully, before letting go of her hand to move to sit beside her.

"okay," he says in determination to help her as he grabs her hands to hold gently. "what i want you to do, is breathe with me, okay?"

she breathlessly nods, her eyes following his hand that's taking one of hers to hold over his chest and over his heart.

he counts to three, before nodding along with her as he starts to breathe calmly and deeply.

a shaky breath leaves her lips as she breathes deeply and calmly with him, but it doesn't feel like she's actually breathing on the inside.

noticing this, rafe nods, still very much determined. "okay, this is okay," he murmurs, holding her hand with his over hers that's over his heart. "just keep going, okay? you can do this."

she nods, still struggling to breathe with searing tears falling repetitively.

"it's okay. just close your eyes, and focus on my heartbeat and just try to breathe." he murmurs, trying to ignore how worried he is about her — he needs to be strong for her to get through this.

closing her eyes, she tries to take a deep breath and listens to the calm and normal beating of his heart.

after a while, she begins to calm down with her breaths returning to normal.

taking another deep breath, she sighs in relief and leans into him. "thank you, rafe."

he nods, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

after a few more minutes, she pulls away from him with an embarrassed expression clear on her face.

"i'm sorry. i hate that you saw me like that." she apologizes, glancing down at her now fidgeting hands, feeling deep in her bones that he'll see her completely different, now that he's seen her in this state.

rafe shakes his head at her, grabbing one of her hands with one of his and lifting her chin up with the other. "hey, don't apologize."

she opens her mouth to say more, but he cuts her off, "you're my girl, baby. when you hurt, i hurt. this is what i'm here for."

his words warm her heart and tears fill her eyes.

"you promise that you don't see me differently now?" she asks in barely a whisper.

moving his hands to her cheeks, he smiles at her with a fond smile. "baby, there's not a single thing in the entire world that could ever make me see you differently other than the girl i'm in love with and love with my whole heart."

a small, audible gasp leaves her lips at hearing that statement — this is the first time he's ever admitted to being in love with her.

i mean, sure, he's told her countless times that he loves her, but he's never told her until now that he's in love with her.

"really?" she asks in a whisper, once again.

he nods, smiling at the happy smile that takes over her face.

with no other words exchanged, [y/n] turns to lean her body against him again, only this time they're cuddling each other and closer to each other more than before.

"do you believe it? (yeah, yeah, yeah). we're gonna make it now, (yeah, yeah, yeah). and i can see it, (yeah, yeah). i can see it now."

"are you sure about this?" rafe asks her, his voice filled with nerves.

she turns around to face him, immediately noticing how nervous he is.

"as long as you are," she says, placing her hands on each side of his neck as he leans his body against the side of his car. "seriously, you tell me right now, if you're having doubts. we can always do this a different time."

she is nothing but supportive, something he notices immediately.

the situation that's stressing him out in question? it's about visiting outer banks, to meet with his sister and her friends.

things have been better with them, after he got the help he needed and helped pay for the actions he committed.

but, being on good terms with them isn't what's worrying him — it's the fact that he's going to have to run into his father at some point.

now, the truth is, rafe told [y/n] the truth about everything that happened in the obx when the two of them started getting really serious — he didn't want to lie to her.

but, another thing he's worried about, is him introducing [y/n] to everyone — he worries that they'll think that he doesn't deserve her.

because if they believe that, then he'll have to believe it too.

but, seeing the lost look in his eyes — which is clearly telling her that he's stuck in his head right now — [y/n] catches his attention by wrapping her arms around his neck.

as he wraps his arms around her waist, she leans closer to him, leaning her forehead over his, before pulling away with an infectious smile.

"it's going to be okay. but, it's your decision," she murmurs seriously. "but, if we do go, just know that i'll be there with you the whole time — you won't have to go through this alone."

her words are what helps him make his decision.

"if you're with me, i think we can go."

"yeah?" she asks, just to make sure.

"yeah." he says, confirming it with a smile.

a big smile spreads over her lips, nodding in clear excitement.

"okay," she says in confirmation. "let's go, then."

with that, she pulls away from him, giving him a look that really does prove that every word she said to him is something that she means completely.

this is all he needs to agree.

before they go, however, he pulls her back towards her to press a sweet kiss to her lips — one that she returns.

she pulls away with a big smile. "i love you, cameron."

he laughs in agreement. "and i love you."

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thescarletnargacuga · 10 months ago

Note

Nervously approaches the ask box

Uh, hi there! Here's a little Showtime idea for you:

Caine, a being made of endless blocks of code, knows quite well how his kind are created. He's made quite a few himself, after all. Humans, however, are still quite a mystery to him, which makes him wonder: How exactly are humans made? He decides that the best thing to do would be to ask his girlfriend about it.

In other words, Pomni finds herself having to explain to Caine where babies come from.

(I understand if this one might be a little too weird. I just thought it'd be funny, maybe even heartwarming depending on how it goes. I love your work, btw! It never fails to put a smile on my face!)

A/N: The censor is working overtime-

WHERE DO HUMANS COME FROM?

A SHOWTIME ONESHOT

WARNING: suggestive but SFW

~~~

Pomni blinked with surprise, staring silently back at Caine after the question left his mouth. She took so long processing what he just asked, he waved his hand in front of her face.

"Yoohoo, Pomni? You didn't crash on me, did you?"

"Uh, no, um, why-....humans come from the real world. The one outside of the digital world." She shrugged.

"No, no, no, I know that already. What I'm asking is, how are humans made? You all don't come into this world as you are, do you?" Caine held his thumb and forefinger to his chin in contemplation. "This has been bugging me for a bit, and I was hoping you'd remember enough about the outside world to tell me. Anyone I've ever asked before strangely doesn't know."

Pomni could pull the same card and avoid a possibly awkward conversation, but she did know. She remembered. He seemed genuinely curious. "So, what you're asking is: where do babies come from?"

"....What's a baby?" Caine scratched his head.

"Oh no." Pomni facepalmed. "Do you know what children are?"

Caine perked up. "Yes! Children are young humans! They're part of the target demographic for The Amazing Digital Circus!"

"Okay, that's a start. Well, all of us here are adults. Grown up humans. Before that, we were children. And before that, we were babies. That is the starting stage of human life in the real world."

Caine snapped his fingers and a notepad and crayon appeared. He started writing down what Pomni was telling him. "Gotcha...and those babies come from where?" He sat back in the air, crossing his legs.

"Families." Pomni tried to stop it there. She fidgeted with her hands.

"Oh! I know what those are too! The Amazing Digital Circus is fantastic family fun!" He scribbled some more on his notepad. "These babies. Families spawn them in?"

"You could say that." Pomni chuckled nervously.

"How?" He sat upright, excited to know the workings of humans.

"Uhhhhh....." Pomni felt cartoon sweat drops falling from her head. "It's a little bit of a process. Humans don't just happen."

"What process is that?" He leaned closer, eyes wide with wonder.

"I...I don't think I can actually say the word. I think it violates your rules."

"Really? The only thing the censor blocks is anything that violates the license agreement. I.e: foul language and sexually explicit material." He shrugged.

Pomni laughed a bit too loud, sweat drops falling harder. "Yeah, about that.... You don't know what sexually explicit really means, do you?"

"A-...." He opened his mouth to answer but suddenly realized she was right. He didn't understand what sexually explicit actually meant. It was just something in his programming to block out. "...no. Much to my own embarrassment, I do not know what that actually means."

"What humans have to do to make babies is pretty explicit. Are you sure you still want to know?" Pomni really hoped he'd let it go.

Caine paused, thinking. He looked around, no one else was where they were, but he still lowered his voice as if he'd be overheard. "Yeah, I really do want to know. Go ahead and tell me."

Pomni wanted to scream. "B-but the censor-"

"Don't worry about it. I'll understand you." He smiles. "Tell me, pleeeeease?" He held his hands together, pad and crayon floating next to him.

Pomni took a deep breath. "Here we go. You need two humans to make a baby. One with a [%$!#] and another with a [%$!#]. Preferably, these two humans are in love and wish to make a baby, but unfortunately, it's not a requirement. That's another subject entirely. Anyway, these two humans have what's called [%$!#]. It's pretty much the base of your entire anti-sexually explicit censor. Interesting that I can say sexually explicit but not [%$!#]. Weird."

Caine's eyes gradually got wider as his jaw slid further down. His arms hung limply at his side. The pad and crayon floated listlessly in the air.

Pomni continued. "[%$!#] is a pleasurably intimate act that can entail many things, but to make a baby, the human with the [%$!#] has to put it inside the human with the [%$!#]. Through sexually explicit activities, the [%$!#] releases [%$!#] inside the [%$!#] where it makes a journey to the egg."

"Woah, woah, back up. This, uh... stuff that gets released, it MOVES??" He felt a weirded out tingle course through his code.

"Yeah, biology is pretty weird. [%$!#] is a fluid that contains living cells that have to travel to the egg to weed out the weak. Once the [%$!#] gets to the egg, it's a mad dash to be the first to fertilize it. Out of the millions that get released, it only takes one."

"MILLIONS!?" Caine struggled to wrap his head around what Pomni was telling him.

"Don't concern yourself with the numbers, they're very small. Once the egg is fertilized, it hardens to protect itself from any other cell trying to get in, and then has to implant itself on the [%$!#] wall to absorb nutrients and become an embryo. That's when we enter the pregnancy stage."

"Pregnancy?"

"It's the pre-baby stage. It takes nine months for an egg and a [%$!#] to become a fully formed infant human ready to enter the real world."

"It stays INSIDE for NINE months?? How big does it get?"

"Depends on the person, but a baby bump is very common. The person carrying the baby, their body literally has to make room by rearranging organs. Even for an easy pregnancy, they can be pretty long nine months. Experiencing everything from nausea to heart problems. Some people even end up bedridden."

"Gadzooks... All of that just to make another human?"

"It can be a lot but, for those who do that to themselves on purpose, say it's worth it. That baby is then cared for by their family and it grows into a child, eventually an adult. Now you know. Do you regret asking?" Pomni chuckled.

Caine shook his head. "Nope, not even a little. That was very educational. Thank you, Pomni. Can I ask you some follow-up questions?"

"Shoot."

"Do humans only do these sexually explicit activities when they want to make a baby?"

"No, sexually explicit activities can be just for fun."

"How interesting. You said two people are typically in love when they do it. Have we done sexually explicit activities?"

Pomni squeaked with surprise, her face warming. "Wha- no! Doesn't your censor tell you what's explicit?"

Caine smirked. "Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe I just like seeing that look on your face." He giggles mischievously.

Pomni waves her arms at him, shooing him away from her. "You little-! You didn't even know what [%$!#] was until you asked!"

"You've got me there. I am horrifically naive. That's why I'm glad I have someone like you to teach me." Caine took her hand. "I was made to learn, and I am very interested in knowing more details about this explicit activity humans in love do. I....would like to be intimate with you, Pomni."

A dark blush colored Pomni's entire face. "Do you know what you're saying?"

"Mostly. While I did start this conversation out of genuine curiosity, when you mentioned intimacy.... I know what that word means, and I could never quite gauge how intimate our relationship was. I have nothing to compare it to. To know that humans do more than we've done to express their love for one another... I'd really like to know more."

Pomni swallowed the nervous lump in her throat. "We need to go somewhere more private." She looked over her shoulder. The circus was still quiet, but anyone could walk through at any time.

Caine teleported away with her without hesitation. The notepad and crayon got left behind, both falling to the floor. Not a minute later, Jax meandered by. He saw the out of place objects out the corner of his eye and picked up the notepad. "What the..?"

It was full of crude illustrations drawn in red crayon. None of it made sense. Especially the one that looked like a handful of grapes with an arrow pointing to a triangle with legs. Before he could really make any heads or tails of it, Bubble appeared and ate the notepad out of Jax's hands.

"Watch it! You almost took my hand off."

"No peaking at the Boss's notes." Bubble grinned.

"That was Caine's? Heh, no wonder the drawings were so bad. AI can't do art worth [%$!#]."

"You saw.... I'm going to eat your eyes now."

"Wait, whaAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

#the amazing digital circus #tadc #tadc fanfiction #tadc caine #tadc pomni #tadc showtime #caine x pomni #tdac pomni #tw suggestive

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blue-aconite · 1 year ago

Text

book club activities || r.b.f

Summary: Bob's girlfriend has a book club.

Warnings: Suggestive texting, absolute nonsense, somehow Bradley and Jake stole the show (idiots)

Word Count: 940

Pairings: Bob Floyd x f!reader

Authors Note: Happy birthday @bobfloydsbabe! This is the dumbest thing I've ever written and it also sucks but it has your favourite lil dude in it and I love you! I hope you've had a great birthday! Enjoy this insanely weird drabble.

“You should really read it.”

Bob sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. “Sweetheart, I’m not reading Twilight with you.”

His girlfriend pouted from the corner of the couch, aiming a kick against his shin. “But you liked the films.”

“No, I said I thought they weren’t bad. I never said I liked them.” They had watched all of the films a weeknight ago, which Bob initially had only done to please her.

“And you said the films were better than the books.” Bob argued, reaching over to right the blanket covering her body as it had half fallen to the floor.

“Yes but I still think you should read the books.” She said, crossing her arms across her chest.

“I will go out and get you your favourite food, two new books, a new notepad and pencils if you don’t make me read the books.” Bob placated, hoping that it would satisfy her.

She looked thoughtful, eyebrows drawing together as she contemplated his offer.

“Which books?

Bob smiled, knowing he was winning. “Whichever you want, darling.”

She stared at him for another moment before tossing the blanket aside to cuddle into his side.

“I want Pho, I don’t have the last two books of ASOIAF and please get me a A4 notebook, not A5,” she paused momentarily, hand splayed against his abdomen, “and cuddles please.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, slouching slightly so she could get more comfortable. “Yes ma’am.”

The rain was smattering against windows, the sun setting just behind the tree line they could see from their backyard.

Ever since Bob had found out he was going to be stationed permanently in San Diego, they decided to get a house and set down some roots.

“I love you, even if you don’t want to read Twilight with me.” She whispered against his T-shirt, making Bob laugh. She soon joined in and they giggled together for a few moments before once again settling into the couch.

“I love you too. Do you want Pho from the place close to base or the other one?”

She hummed, eyes falling shut as she snuggled into his side. “Base please.”

Bob waited a few minutes before her breathing evened out and then gently untangled himself from her embrace.

After making sure she was properly tucked in for her nap, he grabbed his keys and wallet. He had a promise to make good on.

Next Day

“Dude, you should read them though, they’re actually pretty good. Not the writing but the story. Love triangle, vampires, werewolves and hybrid babies.” Rooster said through a mouthful of scrambled eggs.

Phoenix snorted, rolling her eyes. “Not the most intriguing introduction, Roos.”

Bob watched as they jabbed back and forth, pushing his food around on his plate.

Hangman and Coyote sat down with their trays, interrupting the squabble happening across from Bob.

“What’s up?” Javy asked.

“Are you team Edward or team Jacob?” Rooster asked, completely serious.

Coyote’s eyebrows shot up, mouth pressed into a tight line. “Dude, are you talking about Twilight?”

“Yes! Bob watched the films with his girl and he doesn't want to read the books but I think they’re pretty good and Nat says they’re crap and now we gotta decide what team.” Bradley rambled, earning another smack to the side.

Javy stared them both down, an unimpressed look on his face. “I don’t like fantasy.”

“WHAT? Dishonour on you, dishonour on your family, dishonour on your cow!” Rooster dramatically gasped, clutching at his chest.

The entire table rolled their eyes at their teammates' dramatics, all of them now used to Bradley’s antics.

“Okay fine. I didn’t care enough to choose a team, the films were good and I’ve already read the books but don’t tell my girlfriend that. She’ll never let me live it down.” Bob spoke up, making Bradley smile.

“I knew it. Everyone has read those books, except Javy here, apparently.” Rooster announced proudly, reaching across the table to fist bump Bob.

“I personally am Team Bella. Neither Edward or Jacob were good for her. Jacob was an immature kid, not his fault, it’s just his character and Edward had issues. Real issues. The best thing for her would have been to get the hell out of Forks and work on becoming her own person.”

The entire table fell silent, staring at Jake who didn’t even look up from his plate. No one spoke for a few beats before Bradley began clapping like a seal, shit eating grin in place.

Bob shook his head as he reached for his phone, texting his girlfriend. She would enjoy the currently bizarre conversation that was taking place and maybe he could get out of book club if he mentioned that apparently both Rooster and Hangman were fans of the series.

Hangman and Rooster like Twilight.

Make them bring food and the books next time you invite them over.

PS, you’re still gonna read the books with me, pls.

Damn, he really thought he’d gotten away with reading the darn books again.

If you and I are going to have a book club, no one else is welcome.

How come??

Club activities are strictly taking place in the bedroom.

He sent off the last text quickly, before pocketing his phone and turning back to the conversation.

He didn’t receive an answer until he was scheduled to fly. There was a short message and a picture attached.

Fine.

And beneath the text was a picture partially obscuring the view of what seemed to be his girlfriend’s favourite lingerie set and all four books of the series.

Bob couldn’t wait to go home.

Taglist: @wildbornsiren @ryebecca @imjess-themess @reels-and-wheels @antiquitea @writercole @hederasgarden @yanna-banana @bobfloydsbabe @hollandorks @anniesocsandgeneralstore @ereardon @luminousnotmatter @roosterscock @thedroneranger @fandomxpreferences @top-hhun @princessmisery666 @bradshawsbitch @a-reader-and-a-writer @green-socks @angstybluejay @seresinhangmanjake @ayorooster@notroosterbradshaw @indynerdgirl @gigisimsonmars @girl-in-the-chairs-void@bradshawbabes @unhinged-btch @horseshoegirl @sadpetalsstuff @bradshawbaby @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @ummjustfics @septemberrie @somenamewithepineapple @seresinsweetie @crescentwolf @seresinhangmanjake @waklman @roosterforme @rosiahills22 @dempy @i0veless @ilovewriting06 @kmc1989 @demxters @amortentiadrops @teacupsandtopgun @hangmanscoming

#fe writes #HAPPY BIRTHDAY HELENA #bob floyd x reader #robert bob floyd #top gun maverick fanfiction

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rindragon-from-twewy · 8 months ago

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Swap au character intros part 4!!!

Spoilers for specifically Raincode Chapter 0 ahead!

Let's start with Zilch! In this au his forte becomes Audial Aptitude - thanks in part to his animal ears. If you've seen my art of Zilch before, you'll probably have noticed I like drawing him with his animal ears as his actual ears and not on top of his hat. It's cuz I generally just hate the ambiguity of it. Are the animal ears real? Are they just on his hat? Why do they move? Why does he have 4 ears? So I just like making his animal ears his only set of ears. That being said, apparently they're fox ears??? I always assumed wolf??? But I digress- His uniform has been changed up to be reminiscent of an orchestra conductor cuz hahah audio. His face tattoos are meant to be those spotify code scanners - the right cheek leading to It's All So Incredibly Loud by Glass Animals and We Own The Night by Chandler Kinney on the left (cuz I think it's funny!) As for his last name change, "Allegro" in musical terms means "to be played very quickly" which I thought would suit him quite well as someone who can solve cases really fast. His personality is basically the same, the only alteration being that he carries around a notepad and pen in order to help keep track of all the hundreds of things he's constantly hearing all the time.

Next is Pucci. She's received Spectal Projection from Melami and if you thought being good at hearing made her existential then BOY HOWDY does being able to use her body as a vessel for spirits fuck her up even more! Originally I was going for a classic "fortune teller" look for her but I instead went with a cute seamstress-y sort of look instead cuz I couldn't really get what I had in mind initially to look good. She wears a tape measure like a scarf and a thimble as a necklace charm. Her eyes, while cute, have a sort of dead look in them that make others wonder if she's even alive at all. Her last name has been changed from Lavmin to Lavender because in flower language, they're representive of purity, serenity, grace and calmness - all traits she seems to exhibit until she actually starts talking and you realise she's just sort of awkward and shy. She finds it easier to talk to ghosts/spirits then living creatures and honestly probably gets along reeeaaally well with this AU's version of Vivia.

Now, you may be looking at Aphex and going "Rindude! You changed fuck all about him!" And yeah, you're right... The only major changes I made was switching out his coat, boots and like doubling his muscle mass. He's strong. He could beat you up, no questions asked and it definitely shows! His forte is now Thoughtography but he's just as angry as ever - originating from the "front lines" that canon Zange mentioned in his own backstory. For that reason, his coat is inspired by WW2 trenchcoats and while my art doesn't show it very well, everything he's wearing looks and smells like he's crawled straight out of a dumpster. Originally I was going to change his last name to Harkness as an homage to Captain Jack Harkness, a WW2 soldier inspired character from (surprise, surprise) Doctor Who but considering the fact I did that exact same thing with an oc of mine for my A levels earlier this year... I instead went with Tyler; an homage to another Doctor Who character called Rose Tyler who is also a badass blonde <3

And that's all the details I'm sharing for now! It's a little strange considering I've written the Storm Cypher fanfic about half way through its chapter 0 already so I have a lot more to say about the train gang then I did anyone else - since they've already had stuff actually written for them. Melami and Zange's swap au designs will drop like... as soon as I figure out how to draw elderly people. So soon, hopefully! But yeah, I'm cooking super good atm I just can't really share much due to the nature of writing lol. I've been loving getting asks about it though! Deadass, it makes me kick my legs and giggle to know people are crazy enough to care about this AU- >w<

#master detective archives: rain code #raincode #swap au #fanart #zilch alexander #pucci lavmin #aphex logan #master detective archives: storm cypher

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munchboxart · 1 year ago

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I didn't bring my iPad and I'm bored so I'm just gonna dump a bunch of stationery and crafting stuff. A lot of this stuff is just gonna be stuff I learned when making my merch (outside of the acrylics).

If you want to fold paper without it crinkling the paper so it looks smooth, you can use a method called "scoring". Depending on the paper, you can either fold the paper and run a scoring bone/anything flat like a ruler across the fold OR (what I prefer doing, and better for thicker paper) align your ruler against the area you want to fold, and run a cutter across lightly (not enough to cut. If your cutter is sharp, you can just lightly drag it across the paper) and fold it.

Please note that the 2nd method is only for closing paper the opposite direction you cut it (closing away from you) if that makes sense.

Midori paper is one of the best fucking papers I've ever used. Doesn't bleed across multiple papers (will show on the back of course, though) when I used fountain pen ink + their notepads are really good. The top and right are glued rather than just the top or side only, which I really like.

They also have a journal where if you finish a page, you can tear off the corner to note where you are currently at in your journal.

If you do a lot of gluing, just get a double sided tape runner. They look like correction tapes but it's filled with double sided tape instead.

There is a pencil sharpener called the Kutsuwa Stad T'Gaal where it can adjust your pencil length.

I do actually have the desk version but this seems to be uncommon + to be honest, the smaller version (above) seems to be more reliable since this one is kind of flimsy for adjusting?

There's another version of a hole puncher called a screw punch. I believe that the company Nonaka Works invented it? Basically it's a tool where you push down the tool against the material and it'll cut a hole. It can go through a lot of materials including cardstock, but if you need to punch through a lot of layers of paper without destroying your hands, this has been a very useful tool for me. There are a lot of knock offs though so be wary. The original Nonaka Works screw punch should have "Screw Punch Made in Japan" engraved on the gold part of the tool.

If you're cutting a bunch of paper with straight ends, get a paper guillotine. I have a tiny one for my backing cards and it saves me from killing my arm.

Also last thing for you artists/shop owners. Standard business card sizes are 2 inches by 3.5 inches. You can use other sizes but I just want to mention that, since I collect business cards and put them in my case that only fits 2 inches by 3.5 inches or smaller. Margins (area between the content and edge of the page) should be 0.125-0.25 inches and bleed (border outside of the edge. This is required if you are doing double sided business cards so that there wont be white space when you cut it) is 0.125 inches

#worried abt the business card stuff being too wordy bc <certified graphic designer #if u have questions feel free to ask #etc

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ficthots · 1 year ago

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Bonded: Chapter Six

A/N: Hello everyone! My absence has ended and I am back writing once more. I've missed you all and I hope this makes up for it. Please remember, this is a hobby and sometimes life overtakes hobby time. Luckily, things have seemed to even out for the time being. As always, enjoy and let me know what you think!

Word count: 5.2k+

Chapter Five

Weather holds more power than most people will ever realize. A planet’s atmosphere has wondrous effects on the life below which is why with each planet you travel to, you will experience a climate you never have before. It was one of the first things you noticed on this galaxy trek.

How one day you can look up and see the crystal skies beaming back down at you, offering immaculate views of the horizon far off in the distance. Yet, landing on another planet just the following cycle, storms wreak havoc over the innocent civilians down below unleashing a fury that blows eyes wide open in surprise and fear.

Demolishing anything that stands in its way, altering life as you knew it right before your very eyes. Watching as lives are ruined, some spared, others continue as before with little to no change.

Packing for such weather was difficult to do. Hence why nearly your entire wardrobe had been brought with you on this trip. As your cruiser descended on a tiny spec in the sector, the humidity pummeled you immediately. The condensation formed on the windows as a repulsive greeting and then dripped downwards towards the forever soggy ground.

A small sigh escaped your mouth as you knew how uncomfortable this short day was about to become. This wasn’t even a planet on your list. A courtesy stop if you will. An unplanned detour that you knew would only last the afternoon and early evening before continuing on with your actual planned route.

“I can only imagine what sort of creatures thrive in this type of environment,” Calista murmured with her nose almost pressed flush to the glass. Briefly looking up from your notepad you watched as Tamsyn began preparing for landing.

Only humming in response, there wasn’t much enthusiasm in your reply. You were exhausted. Having been traveling for nearly two entire months, your journey was finally nearing the end. Another week and you would be back home.

Home.

It was odd to think of the ship in that way, but that was what it was. Home. A sense of longing to go back to it, sleep in your bed, see Kylo. You couldn’t believe that you missed him.

Your eyes drifted to the string on your wrist. A gift before your original departure. A safety measure. A token of thought. That you were occupying his thoughts just as much as he was yours. As your thoughts descend into him, the rough landing of the ship jolted you out of your little world.

Tucking the bracelet under your thin gauzy sleeve, you stood as the ships door opened, allowing you to step into the jungle terrain. This was their opportunity to sell themselves to the Order. Explain how they could be of use. With what you could see, it wasn’t much.

Yet as you walked down towards the small gathered crowd to greet you, they were all beaming with enthusiasm to see you, the Empress, actually here visiting. Tamsyn and Calista were hot on your heels, your personal guard so close the armor he adorned nearly pressed into your side.

A precaution courtesy of Kylo and General Waylan. One you didn’t believe was necessary, but your own thoughts fell onto deaf ears. You weren’t even offered his name. No indication about who he really was.

He was just…there. All of the time. A shadow stapled to your own. When you moved, so did he. He was in charge of all the safety measures in regards to this trip. And he was certainly displeased to discover you made a decision to stop on this desolate crater without informing him earlier.

The leader stepped forward enthusiastically, his robes trailing on the moss ridden steps he descended to reach you. “Empress, we are beyond honored to welcome you here. Thank you for taking the time to join us.” As your eyes settled on the thin man, you nearly fell backwards. The striking resemblance had you hesitating to utter your own greeting.

An immediate cold sweat erupted over your body. The man looked eerily similar to the one who had lost his head at the gala. The gruesome memory flashed in your mind as you watched the lifeless eyes stare at you. Courtesy of your husband, but almost as fast as it hit you, the feeling faded. Almost as if he disguised himself when he saw your discomfort with his appearance. Those fully black eyes now had irises, the color still coal, but some ivory peeked out.

Perhaps your mind was playing tricks on you, you thought to yourself.

As he spoke, he clasped your hand within his own and brought it to his grayed forehead. There was something different about them as you took in the odd faces of the civilians. All looked different than each other, but it was as if they weren’t entirely real. A mask over their true selves. You weren’t entirely sure. But your guard was immediately up.

For being in such a bright and warm environment you couldn’t help but fight the chill that shot up your spine from the ice cold grasp he had. Their eyes almost one solid color, bordering on black, but not quite fully gone. They all appeared grey, no hint of color anywhere on their forms. The palace behind them appeared desolate.

The stark green vines enclosed around the sandstone brick that was almost completely gone beneath the never ending greenery. The varying creatures and animals chirped through the forest, cocooning the group in a symphony of songs. Not one of comfort, but one of warning.

A warning you ignored to heed.

Your hackles were raised without so much as a second thought. “It is our pleasure, Monton. I hope you don’t mind the short visit. We don’t have much time together, but I am looking forward to getting to know you and your people more intimately.” His smile stretched across his taut skin, making him appear less human as he did. Your pleasantries second nature to you despite the overwhelming sense of dread filling each of your senses.

A few hours was all you needed to muster through. Then back to the scheduled trip. You echoed that lifeline in your mind over and over to keep your nerves rested.

Stepping to the side, he gestured towards the ancient building. “Shall we?” Nodding in reply, you turned toward your guard. “We won’t be long, if we need assistance I will call.” His helmeted head only bowed before turning on his heel and ascending the stairs back aboard the ship.

You prayed you wouldn’t need his assistance. A few hours.

Tamsyn and Calista trailed behind you, not interested in any of the information this man was offering. Yet, they did not seem the least bit put off by their odd appearances or behaviors. It ran through your mind that you were being overly cautious. His similarities to the man from the gala had knocked you off your game, but no one seemed to pay that any mind.

You were hardly listening either. The entire time he spoke your thoughts were occupied with what rubbed into your wrist. The bracelet so delicately clasped around your skin felt as though it was burning an indentation, leaving its permanent trace behind in its remembrance.

“Your presence has been requested by the Supreme Leader, Empress.” You were sat in your living quarter, the final details of your galaxy journey had been finalized that afternoon and you were beyond spent. Pulling yourself up from the comfortable cushion, you followed the Order official to wherever they were leading you.

When you arrived at a section of the ship you didn’t recognize, you spoke. “Where is the Supreme Leader?” He stopped walking as he approached to extremely large doors that were monitored by three different entry systems. “Supreme Leader Ren's quarters, Empress.” He turned towards you with a subtle bow before turning and leaving you standing alone in the darkened corner.

You could recall the doors from your private tour with Kylo, but you had been brought an entirely different way and didn’t recognize where you were.

Not sure what you were supposed to do, you walked towards the different identification panels and attempted to solve how to enter. You weren’t entirely certain how long you were stood there, but when the door receded into the walls with a loud whoosh accompanying, you jumped up.

There he stood, helmet removed, gaze immediately pinned to you. “What are you doing?” He spoke, not a crack of emotion on his face, voice the standard deep monotone you were accustomed to. “Um, they said you requested me. I couldn’t figure out the door,” you nervously responded.

A slight tilt to the corner of his mouth was all you received as he returned inside. “Come with me.” You followed a few steps behind him. Eyes darting around to the new sights, the smell of him wafting over you entirely. It was incredibly neat, like no one had ever resided there.

The dark furniture was exactly what you expected. Everything drenched in reds and blacks, his signature colors of course. Almost cliche, you giggled to yourself. The sound alerted him, causing him to turn and face you to see what had you laughing. “What?”

Only shrugging you were still smiling. “Nothing. Just that your quarters are exactly what I expected. The blacks and reds, you know?” Your fit of giggles continued as he eyed you, eyes narrowing in your direction, a slight tilt to his head. Faded remnants of a smile graces his plush lips for only a mere second.

His head dropped, a small box sitting on the corner of a table. “Come here.” You immediately followed his orders, walking towards him and closing the distance. Knowing better than to try and battle him, you were nearly flush against him.

Grasping your wrist with his bare hand, electricity jolted through you. You despised when that would happen. Unable to hide the effect his simple touch had on you. This had been happening more and more. The more time you two spent together, which was occurring much more frequently, it only riled you up more.

His touch was incredibly delicate, the long and nimble fingers worked quickly and effortlessly. It was gone as fast as it had appeared. A slight twinge of sadness nestled in your stomach at the loss of contact. Your eyes never left the new addition on your arm.

It was simple, just a black string with a fabric you were not sure of, a small gemstone sitting squarely in the middle. A glow cast out around the unidentified stone, sitting on your skin. Eyes finally peeling away, you cast your gaze upwards to see his features already studying your own.

He never faltered despite the close quarters you two were currently in. “Specially made by request of myself.” Your brow furrowed in question, looking back down at it. “It’s a beautiful bracelet, Kylo. Thank you.” Offering a genuine smile, you felt warm.

Kylo had specifically gotten something made for you. Gifted to you by Kylo himself. You couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit more…special. That he was going out of his way to please you, bring a small sense of joy. Even if it was a stretch to anything more than him trying to appease you.

“This is for…my piece of mind while you’re gone, dove. If you are in danger, I can only use the Force to communicate with you when I feel the need to. I cannot always sense if something is wrong. I’m still attempting to sort out what this bond means and how to use it. For now, this will do.” His hand cupped your wrist once more, his thumb hovering over the gem.

Clearing his throat he continued. “You press this gem down and to the right. It will immediately track your location and notify me that you are not well. Promise me you’ll wear this the entire time you’re gone, dove?” The gentle tone in his voice had butterflies erupting in your stomach as he spoke so plainly with you.

A knot formed in your throat, but you nodded eagerly. “Of course. Thank you for this. So, just down,” he nodded, his hair lightly falling forward at his motion. “Down and to the right.” You smiled at the demonstration and peered back up at him.

Holding eye contact for the following few seconds was the most intense interaction you two had yet. Peering into one another, it was almost like you were able to communicate with him through look alone. A silent heartfelt thank you for caring about my safety. A glimmer of an unknown emotion first registered in his eyes, then his entire face, before fading.

Admiration? Joy? Something you didn’t quite know how to label because, well, it was Kylo. He only ever showed two emotions. Rage and annoyance. Nothing more, nothing less. A side to him that no one else ever got to see. Reserved solely for you. In these private moments.

Pride bubbled in you at the knowledge that no one else in the entire galaxy saw Kylo in states like this. His hardened facade broken. Not without great effort on your end. In fact, it had been painstaking work for months on end.

After Kylo request to attempt a new beginning with you, you decided to agree to his offer. Whatever that meant for him. After the first couple of days and no changes, no sightings of him, you reached out.

An invitation to accompany you at dinner that evening in your quarters. No response had been given and you were quickly losing hope that anything was going to change, an empty guarantee from him. Then, just as the table had finished being set and you were notified that dinner would be served as soon as you were ready, he entered your quarters.

Not able to fight against the smile that took shape on your face, Kylo looked extremely awkward. Unsure what he was supposed to be doing. Yet, attempting to make the effort. Even though it was almost pitiful to see his obvious discomfort.

Deciding to take the lead for the night, you welcomed him in. You weren’t quite sure of yourself enough to try anything physical like a hug, but you lead him into the dining room. Sitting at opposite ends of the table, you mainly ate in silence.

But he was there and that was a victory all in itself.

You didn’t ask him back the following evening, but he came back anyways. And nearly every night since then. Unless he was gone on a mission, it was almost a grantee that Kylo would be at your dining room table, enjoying a dinner with you.

As these meals happened more frequently so did the conversation. At first, extremely basic and generic, testing the waters to see how well you two could communicate. It didn’t take much time for you to warm up to him enough that you were constantly sharing stories of your childhood, upbringing as a royal, funny experiences you had since joining the Order as their Empress.

Kylo pitched in with conversation despite choosing to let you fill the void of his lack of words a majority of the time. Even cracking smiles, his eyes and features more life like and softened with happiness. You know you had made great progress when you got a laugh out of him for the very first time.

It had been like striking gold. A melody of tone you had never heard and weren’t sure you would ever again. Such a beautiful sound you never wanted to forget it, never wanted it to end.

The following night he had arrived at your quarters for dinner, you eyed the table set up. Grabbing your plates and utensils, you ushered yourself down to his end of the table, sitting on his left side just like at the meeting tables. His eyes watched your movements daringly, unsure of what exactly you were doing.

But when you seated yourself and gave him a large smile, he felt an almost sense of…relief. Having you choose to be so close to him. Something no one had ever done. Dinner carried on like nothing had changed.

The new behaviors of the infamous Kylo Ren had started to bleed out into other aspects of your relationship as well, including professional. One afternoon, you two walked the corridors of the ship together, chatting about your upcoming travel plans, when his hand landed on your hip, pulling you away from a wall of storm troopers rounding the same corner. His hand firmly pulled you into his side, his helmeted demeanor seething at the group. “Watch your movements.”

Instant apologies to Kylo and you were spoken. Your heart rate never went back to normal after that. At one supper, Kylo had asked you if you had ever flown a ship. He was instantly taken aback at your response of no. “When I return from this mission I will be teaching you how to pilot a ship.” You were giddy for his return, counting down the cycles until we was due back home. Unable to contain your excitement when Kylo had entered your quarters for dinner, you crossed the room and embraced him. A warm smile greeted him in accompaniment despite his entire body stiffening the way it did.

It didn’t phase you in the least. Speaking about how you had missed his presence at dinner. His cheeks warmed to a pink hue at the terms of endearment. He spoke, clearing the waver in his voice as he did. “I’m taking you flying tomorrow.”

The following day had been the best you two had ever spent together. That morning, Kylo appeared at your door and you followed him. What was supposed to be just a flying lesson turned into an entire formal tour of his section of the ship. He showed you where his training facilities were, where the Knights of Ren were located, the entry to his residence. You didn’t enter, but at least you now knew where he was located at.

The tour wrapped at the massive bay of ships in the hanger. You were nearly jumping for joy when you knew what was next. Wandering eyes monitored the two of you as Kylo led you towards the ships. A duo that was unanticipated. The Kylo Ren watching as the Empress of the First Order looked like an excited school girl.

You truly didn’t care. As you approached one of the ships on the fleet, you turned and beamed at Kylo. “This one, right?” He shook his head, motioning for you to follow him. Stopping in your tracks, your jaw hung ajar.

“You’re going to let me fly your ship?” The smirk that danced across his mouth had your heart doing somersaults. A squeal escaped your lips, rushing towards the tall man and crushing him to you in a hug. Your arms wrapped around his neck, feeling the soft locks of his raven black hair tickle you, your cheek pressed against his neck. It ended as quickly as it had happened. You didn’t look at his reaction before quickly climbing aboard the Supreme Leaders personal ship.

With only one seat in the cockpit, you weren’t sure how this was going to work for you to learn. Kylo followed you in and within a minute was situated in the pilots seat securely. Standing off to the side, you were about to ask where you were supposed to sit when his arm wrapped around your waist.

Grabbing you from behind, he dragged you effortlessly to his lap. You were in a fit of giggles at the fast motion. Adjusting yourself to sit comfortably for however long you two were about to fly, you were ecstatic to get on with your lesson.

Both of Kylo's arms came from the sides, caging you in as he grasped the controls and swiftly left the hangar. Despite thinking you were going to be taking up too much of his space and view, he flew the ship like it was nothing.

He was silent behind you despite your constant chatter and observations of the planets that flew by. As you two settled on a desolate planet, you were ready to begin. His warm breath fanned across your cheek and neck as he spoke, goosebumps erupting over your entire body.

Fighting the chill that shot up your spine, the slight tremble in your hands you were able to play off. “I’m nervous,” you chuckled, rubbing your hands across your pants. “It’s simple. Here,” he lifted your hands to grab the controls, his sitting over your own.

Given the nature of his sheer size in comparison to your own, you could hardly see your own flesh beneath his own. “Alright dove, you always want to make sure that these lights are on,” Kylo fell into his detailed explanation of the control panel and what each thing meant.

You weren’t sure you could place the exact moment he called you dove for the first time, the term of endearment awarded to you by friends and family, but it was almost second nature to him now. Mainly using it instead of your name or your titles.

It sounded different coming from him. Felt different. Like you only wanted him to use it. Holding a different meaning than everyone elses uses. You adored it. Waited for it to fall from his lips with baited breath each time. Knocking the wind out of you with each muttered dove.

It was safe to say that the flying lesson had not gone well. Apparently it was more of a natural talent activity than you realized. After nearly driving it straight into the ground, you erupted in laughter.

Kylo held onto the controls as you lost control of your laughter. He chuckled smally to himself. “Alright, we’re done for today. I don’t need you destroying the best ship in the fleet.” As your chuckles faded, still seated firmly in his lap, you smiled widely at him.

“Thank you for today. It was a lot of fun,” without so much as a second thought, you leaned in, hand cupping his jaw and turning his head towards you. It nearly happened in slow motion, that first kiss. Feeling the soft, tender flesh of his lips meld to your own. The shock waves that exploded over your body was unlike anything you had ever experienced. You never wanted to stop. But you did and when you pulled back and opened your eyes, you watched as his grip tightened on the controls, you smiled to yourself.

He cleared his throat, refusing to look at you. “You’re welcome.” Kylo left the next day for a mission that he desperately needed. Some space from you so he could catch his breath, readjust his bearings, figure out what was happening between you two. Why he wanted to be sitting at a dining room table with you instead of making progress that he needed to make.

Why he was dreading your trip. That he wouldn’t be near you for so long, unable to do anything to protect you while you were so far. He had his own copy of your schedule, but that wasn’t enough.

Instead, he assigned one of the highest regarded troopers to be your personal guard through the duration of the trip. One he knew you wouldn’t accept unless it came from someone other than himself. Waylan quickly agreed and you accepted with little word otherwise.

Perhaps he was slightly obsessed. Which is why he constructed the bracelet on his own. Something that would allow him direct access to you should you need him. Not that he wanted to bother you, but he still didn’t know the limit of the bond you two shared. Wanting nothing more than your protection covered while away from him.

Seeing your reaction to it as he placed it on you was a relief. Seeing that you seemed more sure of yourself wearing it. Knowing that you could contact Kylo as quickly as possible. A slight weight off your shoulders.

If only you knew what was in store for you.

The tour had dragged for so long and was so dull, you had sent Tamsyn back to the ship to prepare for your departure. The stories shared with you were sending alarm bells tolling your head. Far too similar to the mans from the gala to be purely coincidental. You knew at that moment why they had wanted you to come here.

When you had returned back to the palace you began to take note of some alarming things. Guards blocking each doorway and nearly every window, being led further and further through the maze of doorways and twisting hallways, the men that were directly behind you and Calista were seemingly moving closer and closer.

You knew something was seriously wrong when you entered what appeared to be a drawing room with no furniture present in it. Offering as polite of a smile and interruption you could, you spoke. “Would you mind allowing myself and my lady speak privately for a moment?”

The king nodded, ushering his men out with him, one last eye locking glance in your direction before shutting a door. You wasted no time, whipping around to face her, fumbling to unclasp the bracelet.

“I need you to listen to me very carefully, Calista. I need you to remember every thing I’m about to tell you.” She looked bewildered as you began to speak quickly. “You are going to leave this room as soon as I am done talking,” as the bracelet fell off, you cupped it. “You are going to board the transport and tell the pilot to not, I repeat, not go to the next destination.”

Calista had no idea what was happening. “What are you talking-” you cut her off. “Calista, please we don’t have a lot of time. They are going to be back any minute. These are the same people from the gala just with some sort of disguise on. They are going to attempt to track the transport which is why you are not to go to the next destination.” Her eyes quickly began welling with tears.

Stuffing the bracelet into her palm, you forcibly closed her hand around it. “You are going to get as far away from here as possible. An unknown world or moon or something, okay? As soon as you get there the Order will have already been notified that we have not arrived at our scheduled destination.��

She sighed, going to speak. “But Kylo-” You shook your head. “They won’t tell Kylo because they know he will not be happy and they will want to solve it themselves. When you get to wherever you go, you will activate this.” Calista opened her hand to look at it.

“Push down and twist to the right. It will immediately send a signal to Kylo with your exact location. He will get there very fast and when he does, he will be furious. Kylo will read your mind after you tell him about the events that have happened. You must tell him this was my plan, do you understand?”

She sniffled as you continued on. “I’ll be fine. I want you all to get to safety.” Calista pulled you into an embrace, whispering in your ear as she did. “I’ll-I’ll tell him everything,” you offered a relaxed smile to try and qualm her nerves. “Kylo will find me. Now, go. You need to go.” Pushing her towards the doors, she glanced once more at you before rushing away.

A shaky exhale escaped your lips, fear pummeling you at what was about to happen. The leader returned mere seconds later, a large inhuman smile on his features. “Ah, where did the beautiful Calista go?”

Smiling politely you spoke. “To ready the ship for us. I want to thank you for your generosity and enthusiasm today, but we do have a schedule to keep to.” As you took a step back, the leader and his men made one towards you.

“So soon, Empress? We were hoping to enjoy supper and share more tales of our people. Our traditions.” Sweat dripped down the back of your neck. “Unfortunately, it was a fast trip. Perhaps next time we can extend it.”

His smile fell immediately. All warmth snapped from him in an instant. “No. I think you don’t understand.” In the blink of an eye, both of your arms were restrained by the guards he had brought back with him.

The king crossed the room leisurely. “You need to let me go. You know they will look for me.” He smirked as he approached you. Twirling a strand of your hair around his straggly finger, he inhaled deeply. “No, I don’t think they will, Empress. None of you will be leaving here today.”

As soon as he finished, the roar of the transports engines flooded the palace. Barking out an order in an unfamiliar tongue, you let a devilish smirk cross your face. A snarl emulated from him as he whipped his hand back before making contact with your cheek, drawing a surprised gasp.

It was just the start.

Nearly two full days later, their transport ship collided with the rocky terrain of whatever desolate planet they had found. Calista activated the gem as soon as they landed and just as you had said, Kylo ship touched down not long after.

The burnt landscape around them displayed his anger that he had unleashed with his saber upon discovering you hadn’t gone with them. Almost the entire area around them had been decimated.

What you didn’t realize was that Kylo had been unable to connect with you. Despite all of his efforts, the moment he had been notified of your missing status, he couldn’t find you. Connect with you. Speak with you.

Perhaps too far from him. Given you weren’t Force sensitive, this was uncharted territory. One he didn’t realize had a location cap. When you had sent him the ping of your location, it was lie salvation had washed over him.

Upon discovering you were not onboard that ship and had sent them off without you, it only ignited his rage. Far beyond the point of anger, he couldn’t believe you had put yourself in this situation. One he didn’t know how to solve. Fix. Get you back to him where you would be safe and protected.

Kylo's robes whipped around him as he turned and stalked towards the group who had watched the entire scene unfold before them. “Notify all of the Order that my Empress has been taken and is missing.”

He climbed back into his ship, beginning the search for you. His Empress. His dove.

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