#writing small lists to reference something for the short term

[pyreflydust]

Begging people to at least click articles and glance at them before reblogging in a panic. The thing Lee pointed out is said fairly early in the article! You didn't even have to read the whole thing to see it!

Does Libreoffice even have a Notepad equivilant? Its entire purpose is to be lightweight and simple (which is why I cannot fathom anyone NEEDING ai features for it) and it's not the same as a word processor.

[elleaitch22]

Terms of Endearment

Chapter 4: Terms and Conditions

Pairing: Paige Bueckers x Azzi Fudd

A/N: Hope you love it! Comments and messages motivate me to write faster! xx Elle

Warnings: References to past abusive relationship, self-worth issues, power imbalances

Word Count: 3.7k

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Azzi hadn’t slept well for the rest of the week. She spent her nights tossing and turning, weighing the pros and cons to agreeing with Paige’s offer.

Paige had reverted to her normal, detached self by Wednesday morning, and Azzi was relieved to know that if she accepted the offer, it wouldn’t be obvious to her coworkers.

When Azzi’s answer was still up in the air on Thursday, she spent the night writing an actual pros and cons list.

Pros

Paige was obnoxiously wealthy, so whatever compensation she offered could have Azzi out of debt in months.

She could seem desirable again, even if she wasn’t truly desired by her “partner.”

She wouldn’t always be so lonely, since she’d able to spend more time with Soleil.

She would feel loved, purely loved, by Soleil.

Cons

Azzi is easily attached, and her heart would definitely break when Paige met someone new and decided to end their arrangement.

She would probably forget that everything is fake at some point.

Worst of all, Azzi might find out that Grant had been right about everything. She wasn’t worth anything by being a pretty little trophy.

The potential benefits greatly outweigh the consequences.

She could gain her livelihood, or she could lose her heart. Or worse, she could feel like she belonged somewhere, just to be reminded that she didn’t.

If something doesn’t scare you it’s not worth it, Azzi.

Her mind was made up.

She was going to accept Paige’s offer — and hope, pray, and beg that she wouldn’t fall for the blonde in the meantime.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Azzi felt confident walking toward room 35, or at least that’s what she told herself. She was wearing a short, black corset and her favorite pair of floor shoes. All of her hair had been gathered to sit on the top of her head, intentional in its imperfection. She wore dramatic makeup — a brown smoked out eye and red lip.

Tonight’s look was armor, but her chest still tightened with every step she took.

She walked into the suite at 10:58, heart racing, and froze for a second.

Paige was already there, stretched lazily across the couch, one arm draped along the back, the other nursing a Dirty Shirley.

“Hi, Paige.” Her voice small, but steady.

The woman in question smirked, lifting her drink lazily to her lips. “Good evening, Azzi. I’m assuming you made up your mind?”

Azzi shifts on her feet, fighting the urge to cross her arms. She needs something to do with her hands. Tug at a curl, fix her corset, hide. “Um, yes. I’d like to accept.” She hesitated, then added, “But I would like more information.”

Paige tilted her head, studying the brunette intently. “Well, first,” she said, her voice smooth, low, and disarmingly soft, “I need you to look at me.”

The words slipped into Azzi’s bloodstream like warm liquor, and she was helpless to do anything but obey. Without thinking, she lifted her chin, locking eyes with her — and immediately felt the air leave her lungs. Paige’s gaze was steady, calm, utterly unbothered, like Azzi’s nerves, her overthinking, her entire body were small and manageable things to her.

“Good. Thank you, Azzi.” A beat of silence. “Come sit.”

It wasn’t a command exactly, but Azzi knew it wasn’t a request either.

A blush bloomed high on her cheeks. Every step across the room felt like a giant’s, even though the only audible sound in the room was the low voice of Brent Faiyaz and the light clicking of her shoes.

When she reached the couch, she hesitated for a second, not wanting to sit too close or too far.

Over the next hour, the mood shifted. Azzi had expected teasing, ogling, or inappropriate comments, but Paige had don’t none of those things. Instead, they went through all expectations, like an informal contract.

No signatures, no pens, no pressure, just Paige steadily outlining terms, giving Azzi the space to breathe, question, or push back if she wanted.

Azzi was completely disarmed by the ten-minute mark.

The arrangement would initially last for six months, with the option to renew if both parties agreed. Like any typical job, Azzi would need to give Paige two weeks of notice before ending it.

Azzi didn’t say it, but she was relieved. She would not be trapped. It was a small kindness that meant everything to her.

She listened as Paige explained the appearances she would have to make as Paige’s partner: business events, charity galas, and dinners. There would also be at least one weekly outing with Paige, Soleil, or both for appearances.

Azzi agreed with everything until Paige added, “Apparel will be styled by Jana. All expenses covered.”

Grant used to dress her, and she hated it. “I can pick my own outfits, right?”

There was a playful glint in Paige’s eye, “Of course, J always provides options.”

When the two discussed physical affection, Azzi bit the inside of her pink cheeks.

It wasn’t mandated, but handholding, hugs, cheek kisses – casual intimacy – would be what sold their illusion.

Azzi sent up a silent prayer because God knows Azzi is a sucker for a forehead or cheek kiss. This was going to end very badly for her.

The confidentiality clause came next. Paige offered an NDA, but when she said it wasn’t required, Azzi declined.

“I don’t really have any close friends in the city.”

When the conversation moved to compensation, the first crackle of real tension sparked between them.

“I want to pay you five thousand a week, “Paige said smoothly, swirling the ice in her glass, a tequila soda now. “Minimum”

Azzi choked on the espresso martini Paige had ordered for her. She stared at the blonde, eyes and mouth wide. “Five thousand a month would be more than enough! I don’t –”

Paige’s answering grin was lazy, slow, and pure trouble. “I think you should just accept the offer, Azzi,” she said, melting deeper into the couch. “Because honestly, I wanted to do more.”

Azzi’s hands curled into fists. “You’re being ridiculous. What if I don’t accept?”

“If you don’t want to agree, that’s fine.” Azzi brightened, not noting the smirk covered by the glass. “I’ll just pay off all your shit now.”

Azzi blinked, cheeks burning. “You don’t even have any of my account information.”

Paige lowered her glass a bit, letting Azzi see her smirk. “You really don’t think I could figure it out?” Azzi’s heart stuttered watching Paige take another sip of her drink, “Now I’m tempted to since you doubt me.”

Azzi’s mouth opened, then shut. Her thighs pressed together involuntarily. There was a thrill in the threat. Grant wanted the restrict her money, but Paige wanted to give her more. Her instance helped knock down another wall.

“Please,” Paige added, voice dry as summer heat, “keep arguing, so I can pay you more.”

Azzi folded.

When Paige informed her that she’d be paying an extra thousand dollars for major events, Azzi had to physically restrain herself from crossing her arms and pouting. She muttered something unintelligible under her breath that made Paige laugh, a low and genuine sound that tugged at something vulnerable inside Azzi. “That’s what I thought,” Paige smirked.

They moved through the rest of the agreement without any issues – conduct expectations, social media, and emotional boundaries.

Paige was relaxed a lazily throughout the entire conversation.

But when the subject of perks came up again, Paige shifted slightly. More careful and deliberate now that she had a better understanding of Azzi Fudd.

Azzi listed as Paige explained – the respect, the equal treatment, the way the media would spin the story of Chicago’s favorite bachelorette finally off the market.

It almost reassured her until Paige popped her happy little bubble.

She cleared her through and said, almost casually, “I want you to live in my building.”

Azzi stiffened. She set her martini glass down roughly.

“Absolutely not.”

Paige flushed – the first real crack in her shiny armor – and lifted her hands slightly, almost as if she wanted to show she wasn’t armed. “Hear me out, Azzi. Please.”

Azzi arched a brow and folded her arms across the corset. She fought a smirk at the way Paige’s eyes briefly darted to her cleavage. Another crack in the armor.

“I own the building,” Paige said quickly. “I also –” She hesitated, “I’ve never dated anyone publicly before. Even when I was married, no one knew until after the fact. So, if I’m going to be seen with someone, it’s supposed to be serious. Marriage serious.”

Azzi stared at her, stunned. “No one even knows where I live!”

Paige’s voice sharpened. “You don’t think they’re going to find out?” She pressed her fingers into her temple. “I’m a celebrity, Azzi. They’re going to figure it out. They’re going to know everything about you in a few days.”

A breath.

“I need to protect you. Please let me.”

Paige didn’t command it.

She didn’t even say it like an order.

It was…pleading.

She was pleading to keep Azzi safe.

Something cracked open in Azzi’s chest.

Whether Paige had picked up on her need for safety or simply cared in her own stubborn way, Azzi didn’t know.

But either way – she was sold.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Azzi found out on Saturday morning that Paige Bueckers didn’t do anything halfway. At 7 a.m. sharp, movers were outside her apartment, loading her things into a truck bound for her new home for the next six months.

About thirty minutes in, one of the movers casually mentioned that a car was waiting downstairs.

She scrambled to get dressed, pulling on biker shorts, an oversized t-shirt, and a pair of worn Crocs. She brushed her teeth in a hurry, and her hair was tossed up in an extremely messy ponytail.

Waiting outside the blacked-out Escalade was a tall, slim brunette, way too smiley for this hour. “Good morning Ms. Fudd,” she chirped happily. “My name’s Morgan. Paige assigned me to be your driver.”

Azzi blinked. Obviously, she hadn’t woken up all the way. “Oh. Please call me Azzi. And only for today, right?” She questioned.

“Oh, no,” Morgan shrugged like it was completely normal. “Just whenever she tells me to stop, I guess.”

Her brain buffered. They hadn’t talked about car service. Azzi yanked her phone from where it was tucked in her bra, slowly shutting her eyes and realizing that she didn’t even have Paige’s number. She huffed loudly, stomping to the back door.

“I don’t care what she told you to do, but I need you to take me to her. Now!”

The door opened from the inside.

Paige sat there, legs cross, with a perfectly shaped brow arched like she had been expecting Azzi’s reaction.

“Good morning, Princess,” she smirked.

Azzi climbed in with a scowl, “You didn’t say anything about a driver yesterday.”

“No, but I did say I was going to provide protection.” She turned to the front, “Take us home, Morgan.”

Azzi fastened her seatbelt and crossed her arms dramatically.

“Azzi, the first event is tonight. I meant to tell you last night, but it was a little late. I figured we could kill two birds with one stone. Moving you in and doing your first fitting.”

Azzi glared at the relaxed blonde. “Do we have time for anything I want? Like breakfast?”

“Oh, you’re hangry.” She smiled. Like an honest to God grin. Azzi almost melted. Paige looked to pure, not at all like the hard ass Azzi had been used to seeing.

“We have breakfast together on Saturdays. You can meet the rest of the family. You’ll be interacting at events, so you need to be comfortable with them.” She continued.

The brunette’s mood lifted at the promise of breakfast. She leaned her head back against the seat, the buildings passing in a blur. Of course, Paige owned a building in Downtown Chicago.

But when Morgan finally stopped, Azzi’s jaw dropped.

Paige owned the Aurelia.

Morgan got out and opened the door, giggling at Azzi’s gaping expression. Azzi slid out of the car, jumping slightly at the hand that gently landed on the small of her back.

Paige gently steered Azzi through the lobby. She didn’t speak to anyone, distracted by the fact that she could see her reflection in the glossy, black floors. They had a short trek to the elevator where she pressed her thumb into a seemingly random spot.

“Penthouse 8,” said a soft, robotic voice.

Azzi looked up startled, realizing her gaze had been dropped the entire walk through the lobby. In the mirrored elevator walls, she was able see Paige.

It dawned on her that she hadn’t really looked at Paige since she picked her up this morning. She wasn’t in a flawless suit, there was nothing flawless about her for once. Her gray sweatpants hung low on her hips, and she was swallowed by an old, navy UConn sweatshirt. Her blonde locks were left down, looking effortlessly soft and silky.

She looked soft, not strict. Comfortable, not controlled. Azzi found herself almost craving to see her like this more.

When the elevator doors opened, music filled the metal box. “How Far I’ll Go” was blaring through the surround sound system. Even louder than the music were deep belly laughs.

Azzi’s heart clenched, unable to remember the last time she laughed like that, the last time she could laugh like that. She was frozen in place, unable to move, or breathe, or think.

“You coming?” The sight of Paige’s small smirk snapped Azzi out of her mind.

Azzi was only able to catch glimpses as she followed Paige through the penthouse. There was a dining room that could house a dozen people and a perfectly styled living room, and both were surely untouched.

Though many surfaces were covered in flour, Paige had the kitchen of Azzi’s dreams. The dark sage cabinets brought the kitchen to life without being overpowering. They were beautifully balanced with the large oak island and marble countertops. There were six rust orange bar chairs. The brushed brass added warmth throughout the space. The large gray fridge was completely covered with Soleil’s creations. Handwriting sheets, princess coloring pages, learning activities alike. There were polaroid photos mixed in Soleil’s works. Azzi was able to see some more of the important people and stupidly wondered if she would ever grace the Bueckers Family Fridge. There was a dining nook off the end of the kitchen with floor to ceiling windows casting light over the large round table. It was big enough for six people, and Azzi could almost picture the room being filled with loud laughs, silly stories, and fantastic food like this morning.

Soleil stood with flour on her chest and a grin on her face. Next to her was a tall woman with curly, dark hair. Azzi wondered which aunt this was, KK or Ice.

Then came the squeal. “Mommy!”

Soleil came tearing across the hardwood floors in light blue pajamas, dark curls bouncing. “MS. FUDD!” She gasped, even louder than before.

Azzi had no time to brace herself as the ball of boundless energy buried her face in her legs.

“Good morning, Soleil.” She smiled calmly, a stark contrast to the girl’s energy. She brushed the curls out of her face, heart warming at the affection.

Paige cut their moment short, easily lifting Soleil to her shoulders. “Azzi’s joining us for breakfast today. And after that, Auntie Jana is going to get her a pretty dress for tonight’s dinner.”

Soleil gasped dramatically, turning to her teacher with wide eyes. “You’we coming with us? You can see all my pwetty dwesses!”

“Maybe after breakfast, Lai,” Paige said, gently putting her in a chair at the island. “Everybody’s kinda hungry.”

Azzi crouched by her chair, “I’ll be here all day, Pretty Girl. And guess what,” she lowered her voice like she was sharing her deepest secret, “I just moved into the building, so you’re gonna be seeing a lot more of me.”

Unbeknownst to Azzi, Paige stood in the doorway, watching the two brunettes giggling with each other. Her chest tightened before she turned away to message the other girls.

Paige walked back to the kitchen, locking her phone. When she looked up, she was stuck again. Lei was cuddled into Azzi’s lap, waiting calmly while the woman braided her hair.

“I think I need to hire you full time, she never sits still when I try,” Paige smirks.

“I thought you already did,” Azzi said, her voice soft, eyes flicking up to meet Paige’s just as Soleil interrupted with a dramatic, “But you tug, Mommy.”

Their eyes held for a second longer than necessary. Paige smiled, slow and quiet.

Paige stared at the duo until the elevator chimed loudly.

“Hey girly pops!” KK’s voice rings out, “It smells like syrup and rich people in here!”

A few seconds later, four women step into the kitchen. Azzi remembers Nika and Jana from Maison Noire and the talk one who was in the kitchen earlier, but the loudest one is a new face.

“Is that Azziiiii?” Jana sings excitedly.

Azzi chuckles, letting Soleil slide off her lap to greet her aunts. “It’s nice to see you again, Jana.”

“Auntie KK!” Soleil screams, running into the loud woman’s arms.

“Azzi, that’s KK and that’s Ice, and you remember Nika.” Jana beckoned the curly headed woman to her with a subtle tilt of her head. “Come on, I’ll give you the tour.”

The Bueckers’s home was unexpectedly intimate. It didn’t feel like wealth — it felt like warmth. Like being held. That was the only way Azzi could describe it. She had expected lots of silvers, grays, and sharp edges. The penthouse had light oak floors and warm cream walls. There was an underlying smell of vanilla and lavender in every room Azzi had been in. A space built for laughter and softness. She was happy to know that the almost sterile living and dining room were formal and ignored; the rooms the family actually used were deeper into the penthouse.

The living room was flooded with light from the massive windows. It had big, white, boucle couches that looked like they would be perfect to melt into. There were camel-colored sitting chairs that were butter soft. The accents reminded Azzi of a sunset, soft pinks, purples, oranges, and blues. Chunky knit blankets were piled in a basket, with another on the couch. There was a massive television mounted to an eye-catching slat wall. A sidebar was opened to display bins of playdoh, LEGOs, art supplies, and books. Soleil’s family portrait was framed, sitting proudly on the coffee table. As Azzi looked around, she saw more framed pieces that Soleil had made. A series of off-centered rainbows, unicorns, and butterflies were organized in a beautiful collage over the fireplace. The cabinet behind the couch had drawings of their family, each in a different color. The entire room seemed to be a shrine to praise Soleil.

Jana told funny stories for every room the visited. She was sweet and humble. “I appreciate everything you’re doing to help Paige. She does so much for everyone else, and she never asks for any help. She saved all of us, but no one has ever been able to save her.” She paused, “Even if this arrangement ends, you’re help one of us. You’ll always have a family with us.”

Tears welled in Azzi’s eyes. “You guys don’t even know me.” She sniffled.

“You went to bat for Soleil – that’s more than enough to make you family. Everything else you’re doing is just gravy.” Before Azzi could respond, her stomach let out the loudest growl. “Shit girl, I’m sorry. Let’s get you some food.”

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Soleil stayed cuddled up with Azzi the second she sat down at the table. The girl alternates between eating her French toast sticks and picking at the strawberry and kiwi slices on Azzi’s plate.

The girls made sure she was comfortable. KK and Ice made sure to bring her in on jokes, telling the background stories of all the inside jokes they went through at the table.

Azzi had learned that the women all went through an intense LEGO phase in college. They ate so much Tru Fru that someone had to go to the hospital. After that obsession waned a bit, the Crumbl one started, so intense that there were big arguments about it.

She enjoyed getting a feel for everyone’s personality. Nika spent most of the meal talking with Paige lowly, but she would interject here and there. She was blunt, which Azzi believed added to her charm. KK was loud, energetic, and magnetic. She lightened the mood whenever there was too long of a pause during conversation. She seemed to be the closet with Ice, but physically leaning on Paige several times during breakfast. Ice was warm, always making sure Azzi felt included in the conversation. She spoke with Soleil animatedly and gave a general air of openness. Jana was kind and welcoming. She asked questions and gave Azzi her attention when she answered. She was so smiley, like a mellower version of Soleil. She was realizing that Paige Bueckers is not cold at all. Sure, she had a façade, but that’s all it was. Paige had smiled more today than Azzi had ever seen her smile. It wasn’t for her, but she couldn't shake the warmth she felt each time their eyes met, like being caught in the sun a little too long.

When Soleil lifted a piece of sausage to Azzi’s face without looking, she could almost feel herself latching onto the little girl, to this makeshift family.

Azzi was at war with herself. On one hand, she knew that getting attached to them would lead to months of heartache. But she remembered what Jana had told her earlier; she was already family to them.

Azzi hoped, just for a second, that Jana was right, and that this would be a family she could keep.

[darkmatilda]

𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 | 𝐬.𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: working in an environment surrounded by cruelty and the darkest sides of humanity hasn’t made you lose faith—instead, you try to bring even the smallest piece of it into every day, into every case you work on. something spencer, secretly, finds beautiful.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬/𝐭𝐰: spencer reid x religious!female reader, reader is an empath, refers to God, spencer uses the term guardian angel, but aside from that, there’s no deeper dive into religion, media liaison reader, longer hair reid bc why not, typical cm case in the background

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 3.4k

𝐚/𝐧: anon's request.

"Stressed?"

Walking down the BAU hallway side by side with your blonde friend, you glanced at her, tilting your head slightly. The look on your face said it all—hell yes. Honestly, you’d barely gotten a wink of sleep the night before, just stressing over the day ahead. That means, your first day as the new media liaison.

"A little bit," you replied, not even trying to hide the sarcasm in your voice.

JJ let out a short laugh. The purple tank top she wore emphasized her already quite rounded pregnancy belly—her due date was getting closer, and the time had come for her to temporarily step away from her position. When she offered you the job, saying she was sure you'd be great at it, you were intrigued. Her words made you actually believe it. But then came that accelerated training, and as your knowledge grew, your confidence shrank—classic case of imposter syndrome.

"You really don’t need to be," she reassured you in a gentle tone, rolling her eyes slightly as she did. Over the past few days, you'd been driving her crazy with talk about how much you sucked and how you just weren’t cut out for the job, and honestly, you admired her for still having any patience left. When you told her that, she merely mumbled enigmatically that she'd gotten used to listening to rambling. "I trained you myself. I know you’ve got what it takes."

Absentmindedly, you bit the inside of your cheek.

 "I trust you," you began slowly. "Still, I’m worried about how the rest of your team will take to me. I haven’t met any of them yet. What if they think differently? What if they think I’m not cut out for this?"

"Their opinion doesn’t matter. What matters is how you do your job — and I know you’ll handle it just fine. You’re responsible, diligent, you care about people..." JJ waved a hand, as if to say she could go on listing things for a long, long while. You allowed yourself a small smile. She raised a finger.

"And anyway, I’m sure you’ll get along with the team. I told you, they’re really good people. All of them. Hotch might seem a little intimidating at first, but don’t worry, he doesn’t bite. He just...judges."

"Wow, very comforting," you cut in with a snort.

Unbothered, she went on.

"You shouldn’t have any trouble getting along with Prentiss. Morgan’s going to flirt with you. My advice? Don’t let him see that it throws you off. Penelope...well, that depends on how you respond to Morgan’s flirting. But she’s lovely…"

You listened closely, your eyes locked on her, and in your mind, you pulled a tiny notebook out of your pocket and started writing down her advice, bullet point by bullet point.

"As for Spence..."

She cut off, because something unexpected happened.

Well—unexpected for you, at least.

Anyone else watching you march ahead with determined steps, eyes locked on your friend instead of the path in front of you, could’ve seen it coming a mile away. No psychic skills required.

You collided, hard, with someone who had just come around the corner. 

Letting out a surprised gasp, you instinctively grabbed the forearm of the person standing in front of you... who, as it turned out, was a man. His brown eyes widened significantly, focused first on your face for a longer, bewildered moment before shifting to your grip on the sleeves of his shirt.

"...And this is Spencer," came the voice from your left.

You looked at JJ, then back at the man you’d bumped into, raising both eyebrows.

"Seriously?" you said. Seriously, as in, why do coincidences always seem to favor my humble and innocent self? Out loud, it sounded a bit stranger than you intended, so you quickly shook your head, adding, "Seriously, I mean, what are the odds? We were just talking about you."

Dr. Reid slightly parted his lips. You noticed that his slightly wavy brown hair almost reached his shoulders.

"You were talking...about me?" he repeated slowly, shifting his gaze to JJ.

The moment he said that, you realized how it had sounded.

"No, I mean yes, but nothing bad," you quickly clarified. "JJ was just briefly introducing me to you guys. That your boss likes to flirt and I should ignore it, and some other guy...evaluate..."

"Reverse," JJ quickly interjected.

"Reverse," you agreed with an eager nod.

Spencer stared at both of you, at least thoroughly confused, but he seemed to decide it was better not to ask further. Well, maybe it was for the best. Finally, his gaze focused solely on you, and a sudden understanding appeared on his face.

"You’re the new media liaison," he stated more than asked.

Another quick nod.

"In person. And you, Dr. Reid?"

"In person," he replied.

The silence that followed those words felt strangely awkward, but you weren’t sure why. Or why it even happened. Seriously, no one had anything to say? Spencer cleared his throat. "Could you let go of me?"

A glance downward. Your hands still clenched on his shirt.

"OH, yeah, absolutely..."

The only thing comforting about it all was the fact that this meeting had exhausted all the reserves of humiliation assigned to you for the day. Probably thanks to that, meeting the rest of the team went by without any unnecessary setbacks.

*

A vaguely undefined but not alarmingly long or significantly short time later (let's say the first few days of work had blended together a bit, and you weren’t able to honestly pinpoint how many days had passed—besides, was it really important…) you kept your gaze fixed on the jet's window, occasionally making eye contact with your own reflection, which you immediately broke every time it happened.

You felt so many things that it was hard to list them one by one. Definitely, one of them stood out above the rest. And it was fear.

Choosing this case from the start had been risky. JJ had drilled one simple rule into your head: always go for those where there’s the highest likelihood that the killer will strike again soon. And where the most people could potentially end up in the crosshairs. It was hard to weigh other people's lives like that, sometimes having to choose between a serial rapist case and a child abductor your stomach would rise to your throat, forcing you to take a few deep breaths.

You were afraid to ask JJ if it would ever go away. If it was possible to get used to it. If not, you’d have to accept the fact that it would accompany you relentlessly. If it was...you weren’t sure if you wanted that to happen. Being an excessive empath in this position was quite a challenge, but the thought of complete numbness to such matters felt depressing. It seemed like a cross you didn’t want to free yourself from carrying.

Anyway, the next case was about an unsub who kidnapped teenage girls and always kept them for a specific amount of time—48 hours—before brutally taking their lives. The team was deep in discussion about what that time might symbolize, but you distanced yourself from them on the jet, listening with just one ear.

You had identified the last girl, assuming she was still alive at that point. The thing was, she had been abducted...over 40 hours ago. Her parents had reported her missing late, thinking she had simply run away, which apparently had happened before. You had only eight hours to save her.

Eight hours.

That thought was cruel and incredibly painful for you, but if you failed, not only would she die, but others as well—others you might have saved in that time. Other cases.

Eight hours.

Sometimes that was how long it took to clean up the apartment (with a bit of procrastination, but still).

Eight hours.

You focused your gaze on the team members gathered around a table, their noses buried in the files you knew by heart. Just like the structure of the victim's face—sixteen-year-old Abby, with green eyes and freckles on her nose. You had no idea where she was, how on earth were you supposed to figure that out in just eight hours?

Swallowing your own helplessness, you whispered a few words under your breath, your voice barely brushing the air. You didn’t want anyone to hear you, but you needed it—to loosen the grip that had taken hold of most of your chest. You closed your eyes, focusing solely on the prayer for a moment. You always said it for the victims, always gave thanks whenever one was saved. But you couldn’t remember the last time there had been so much pleading in it—pure, desperate pleading.

Eight hours.

Eventually, your lips pressed into a thin line, your eyelids lifted…instantly catching someone’s gaze. Spencer was standing just opposite you, likely on his way to join the others, but paused—caught by whatever it was you’d been murmuring under your breath.

The tips of your fingers dug hard into your thighs; it must’ve looked unsettling from the outside. You took a deep breath and simply shook your head in his direction, silently signaling that things were—at least as much as they could be—fine. And that you weren’t particularly in the mood to talk about it.

Reid, however, didn’t pick up on that cue, slipping into the seat across from you. His expression was the same one you’d seen on the others’ faces. You’d noticed it before. As if their faces had two layers. The first one—foundational—held constant tension, determination, and often, a trace of fear. And then there was the second, thinner layer—at times translucent, allowing glimpses of what lay beneath and helping you piece your theory together. It was on that surface that their smiles lived when they talked to each other.

Only once the case was solved did the transparency fade away.

“Are you praying?”

Spencer sat down across from you with a hint of hesitation, his forehead gently creased in thought. You waited a moment before answering, scanning his expression for any trace of skepticism. And you found it—which didn’t surprise you. You’d seen that reaction plenty of times before.

You simply nodded.

“For you to be able to find her,” you explained.

You glanced sideways at the rest of the team, still deep in conversation, and wondered why Reid had chosen to sit next to you in the first place. He was…fine. And you figured he thought the same of you. Since you hadn’t been around long, you hadn’t had the chance to form any real connections, though every now and then you and Spencer managed to find some common ground.

Still, you wouldn’t have guessed your faith would be one of those topics—judging by how he looked like he was trying not to bite his tongue.

“Really…” he began, but suddenly cut himself off, swallowing thoughtfully. His curious gaze stayed fixed on you. “Maybe let me put it differently—what exactly are you praying for? For more time? For the unsub to somehow change his mind and spare the victim?”

“Abby,” you corrected him automatically, ignoring the brief flash of confusion that crossed his face. You didn’t like referring to someone solely as the victim. Sometimes, when there were multiple or unidentified ones, it was necessary—but as long as you knew their name, you wanted to use it.

You’d sounded a little sharp, which hadn’t been your intention. You didn’t expect everyone around you to phrase things the way you did. Your mood just wasn’t the greatest, and the correction had slipped out on its own.

Spencer, after the initial surprise, nodded in agreement—which slightly, but pleasantly, surprised you.

“Abby. Right.”

His earlier questions still lingered between you as you sat across from each other in complete silence. He didn’t seem like he intended to repeat them, nor was he pressing particularly hard for an answer.

It wasn’t that you were trying to avoid them at all costs. They weren’t the passive-aggressive kind of questions people sometimes throw at someone just to point out the so-called absurdities of their faith—absurdities that, frankly, stop being absurd if you take the time to think about them beyond a surface level.

But for some, rejecting someone else’s worldview before even attempting to understand it—and immediately drowning it in mockery—was always the more appealing option. It fed their ignorance in a way that felt satisfying.

But that wasn’t what you were dealing with when it came to Spencer—though, fair enough, there was a trace of skepticism in him. Watching his face, his brown eyes, and the way his hair fell gently on either side of his head, you forgot for a moment that you’d actually meant to answer.

“I’m praying that she’s safe,” you said after a long pause, carefully shaping the words that had been sitting on your chest. Spencer tilted his head slightly to the side, his expression hard to read.

“That’s...that’s my request. I’m not asking for it to happen in any specific way. I’ll accept whatever way gets us there. Because that’s what matters most to me right now.” You had to take a deeper breath. Then, at a certain thought, a soft laugh escaped your lips.

“In other, blunter words—I don’t really care how God does it, as long as He does it. But...that’s not quite it either. I’d just be grateful. So incredibly grateful, if He did.”

Reid didn’t even have a second to process what you’d said when you quickly followed up with the next part of your statement—something that suddenly felt important to add as you glanced at the rest of the team from the corner of your eye.

“Of course it’s not like I don’t believe in your work,” you added with emphasis, voicing your thoughts about the team. Quickly. You just wanted it to be clear. “It’s like with hospitals. People…sometimes look at you a little sideways when you pray for your loved one’s surgery to go well, like you’re somehow undermining the work and effort of the doctors. The ones doing the actual job. But it’s not like that either. Sorry, I guess I kind of went off topic,” you muttered.

He parted his lips. You threw out your apologies so hastily that they blended with your previous words, making the entire statement feel chaotic, difficult to follow. With his eyes fixed on your face, clearly indicating he was listening, he seemed momentarily lost, blinking and shaking his head before responding.

“N-no, not… I mean, don’t apologize,” he said. “I was just curious. There are very few real things that could happen to increase her chances, well, if you think prayer could be one of them…”

“You know, in a way, I’m doing it for myself too,” you added quietly, honestly. You didn’t often say it out loud, and you weren’t sure what suddenly pushed you to. “Prayer…it just helps to calm down. And right now, I really, really need that—wait, what did you mean by there are very few real things that could increase her chances?” you suddenly asked, furrowing your brow. The tone of your own words made your throat dry. “Have you estimated her chances?”

“In a way?” he began, sitting up a little straighter. He sighed at the expression on your face. “I mean, human life isn’t something you can easily estimate. But… considering the amount of information we have, the running out of time…adding it all up…well—”

A long moment of silence passed, followed by a prolonged exchange of glances, as if questioning why.

“And?” you managed to croak, urging him to finish.

Spencer bit his lower lip, first barely noticeable, then harder, shaking his head.

“No, I shouldn’t…it’s very cold and logical…I think…I think it’ll be better if you just…believe it’ll work—”

“I believe,” you assured with a slow nod, not breaking eye contact. “And I will, no matter what you say, I just…want to know what cold logic says about it.”

Reid was silent for a moment, looking almost genuinely concerned. Well, it was no secret that you had less experience than the others, that you had worked on fewer cases. Maybe it was that novice's eye that explained how much faith you still had in the idea that it could work, that Abby could be saved safe and sound.

Then, in a quieter voice, he said it to you, and you felt the tightness in your chest, which had loosened with the earlier prayer, return.

*

"Abby, you're safe now."

Saying those words aloud, to the tear-streaked and trembling face of the girl wrapped in a blanket in the ambulance, felt like shedding an unimaginable weight that had been tightly attached to you.

The girl looked at you wordlessly, as if not understanding the language in which you had spoken. But she understood—she just hadn’t fully grasped it yet. Carefully, so as not to scare her, you adjusted the blanket that had slipped off her shoulders, repeating the reassurance softly. Only after a few more times did understanding finally flicker in her eyes.

You stood firm, unwavering by her side until her parents arrived. Only then, on shaky legs, did you allow yourself to step away. The night was sliced by the flashing blue and red lights of police cars, scattered all around the area. The relief at that moment was almost more overwhelming than the fear that had accompanied you earlier. That fear you had been able to push aside, not allowing it to consume you. The relief, though, you didn’t have to do anything with—except one thing.

To be thankful that you were able to feel it.

You had just finished saying another prayer when you felt someone's presence behind you. Turning around, you saw Reid, standing at a distance, sending you an uncertain smile after a moment of silence. You took a deep breath and, unable to hold back, pulled him into a tight embrace, wrapping your arms around his neck. Surprised, he responded with a delay, gently and shyly placing his hands on your back. Maybe you were wrong—maybe there were two things you had to do with relief. The second was crushing someone’s ribs.

“My cold logic was very wrong,” he said before he even pulled away, causing you to feel his words very close to your ear. He watched as you wiped away the tear that had slid down your cheek. When another one followed, slowly making its way toward your chin, you were surprised to feel that it wasn’t your own finger touching it, but his, briefly pausing in that spot. Your lips parted slightly in surprise, and before you could even take a breath, Spencer withdrew his hand and quickly shook his head.

“I mean,” he added, his voice taking on an awkward tone as he took half a step back. It didn’t pull you two apart by much. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m really glad I was wrong.”

You let out a soft, amused chuckle.

“JJ won’t believe me when I tell her you said that.”

For a moment, you both looked at each other in silence. You couldn’t help but feel there was one more thing you had to say. Spencer seemed to notice, as he nodded toward you.

“Something wrong?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. It wasn’t a philosophical question, more of a fleeting thought that sometimes crossed anyone’s mind.

“I’m wondering if it was really God,” you said.

Spencer opened his mouth, thinking for a moment. It was hard to predict what he would say to your words, and he dropped his head for a second, his gaze lowering before returning to focus on you.

“Well, considering you prayed for her in the jet,” he began, almost…hesitantly? “And how you stayed with her in the ambulance…if it was God, then you were like her guardian angel in all of this.”

You were taken aback by his words. You stood still for a moment, feeling as though he had held his breath, releasing it only when a grateful, sincere smile stretched across your lips.

not religious myself so let me know if there's anything off or inaccurate in all of this <3

[glowettee]

｡𖦹 °✩creating your perfect comeback strategy - part 3/5 🎀｡𖦹 °✩

1st post 2nd post

posted by: glowettee

hey gorgeous studybugs! ♡

time for the most exciting part of the bad grade recovery series - planning your academic glow-up!!!!!! after analyzing what went wrong, we're now going to create the most effective (and aesthetic) comeback plan ever. this post will seriously help you with any class.

♡ setting goals (but make them realistic)

let's break this down into manageable pieces:

short-term goals:

identify the exact grade you need on next assignments

set weekly study targets (be specific with hours!)

plan concept mastery checkpoints

create mini-deadlines for improvement

long-term goals:

final grade target

overall understanding improvements

study habit transformations

confidence rebuilding

♡ your new study schedule

this isn't just any schedule - it's your academic glow-up timeline, so make it important:

morning routine:

quick concept review (15 mins while having your morning tea)

plan your study goals for the day

organize materials needed

set up your study space

daily study blocks:

45-minute focused sessions (i use a cute timer app)

15-minute aesthetic breaks (stretch, hydrate, quick tiktok check)

alternate between subjects

include active recall exercises

evening review:

30-minute summary of what you learned

prep materials for tomorrow

quick self-quiz

celebrate small wins!

♡ the actual study techniques (that actually work)

here's what really helps:

active recall methods:

teach concepts to your stuffed animals (seriously, it works!)

create practice questions

draw concept maps (make them pretty but functional)

record voice notes explaining topics

write summaries without looking at notes

understanding checks:

can you explain it to someone else?

can you solve problems without references?

can you connect different concepts?

do you understand why, not just how?

♡ resource maximization (because we're being smart about this)

time to use everything available:

professor/teacher resources:

office hours (schedule them in advance!)

email questions (keep them specific and organized)

extra materials they recommend

past exam reviews

study support:

form a study group (2-4 people max)

use tutoring services

online resources (but pick reliable ones!)

practice problems from textbook

supplementary videos

♡ your accountability system

staying on track is crucial:

daily checks:

study log (track actual study time)

concept understanding rating

questions that came up

what worked/didn't work

weekly reviews:

progress check

study method effectiveness

time management evaluation

goals met/missed

adjustments needed

♡ creating your perfect study environment

because aesthetics actually help:

physical space:

clean desk (but keep it cute)

good lighting (natural light is best!)

comfortable seating

all materials within reach

minimal distractions

study essentials:

colored pens/highlighters

sticky notes

planner

water bottle

healthy snacks

background music playlist

♡ emergency backup plans

because life happens:

plan b strategies:

alternate study locations

backup study materials

digital copies of important notes

emergency contact list for help

quick review sheets for cramming

stress-relief techniques

this isn't just about recovering from one bad grade - it's about creating a sustainable study system that works for you! - it needs to be consistent, personalized, and something you'll actually stick to!

the next post, i will talk about how to actually execute this plan (and what to do when things get tough).

xoxo, mindy 🎀

[heresthestorymorningglory]

Electric Touch

Summary: You're helping Lars to explore his limitations with touch.

A/N: SO, (bear with me this is going to be a beast of an author's note okay?)

Y'all know that I'm a part of the Goosecord, a glorious server filled with even more glorious people. One of these beautiful humans in particular, I'm convinced is my UK doppelganger, and no you can't change my mind. I met her in July completely by accident when I fell in love with her writing style (her Ken is still my #1 favourite) and she introduced me to the Goosecord; We're on the same wavelength with A LOT. She's joined the short list of beautiful women I affectionately refer to as my "soul sisters" She's helped me through hurdles both creatively and personally over the last six months and I'll reach the character limit if I carry on and on about how truly wonderful she is and how grateful I am to have met her (you're stuck with me now for forever my dear 😘) Anywho, amongst the plethora of things we discovered we have in common, birthdays is one of them; we're less than a week apart and she shares her birthday with someone who was very special to me growing up. I wholly and completely believe in divine intervention and she came flying into my life as it started to fall apart.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm talking about my gorgeous partner in crime @ken-dom

All this to say, to celebrate this wonderful woman's birthday, I not only watched Lars And The Real Girl in its entirety, but decided I was going to jump with both feet into the Lars world and took a stab at writing him the first time in her honour. Be gentle friends I'm not great at the romance.

Usually, I put an NSFW on all of my work; for quite possibly the first time ever, it's not required. Title inspo comes from T Swift (don't come for me) and Fall Out Boy's Electric Touch here

Happiest of (early) birthdays my darling soul sister (early af because I have no willpower or self control to wait til next month) Hopefully I've done your Lars justice 🩷

All my love,

K 💙

The gravel crunched under your boots as you made your way up the driveway, There was a chill to the air still despite the snow having almost completely melted. You pulled your hat down tighter around your ears. Vertigo by Griff playing in your headphones as Lars came into view; the ax in his hands splitting the piece of wood underneath it with such ease you once teased him you were certain the wood was fake, or rotted so badly that he could simply pull it apart with his bare hands. 

Lars being Lars, had to put your ridiculous accusation to the test immediately, putting the ax down…blade facing away of course…he picked a piece off the pile and stood in front of you where you waited patiently a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips at the seriousness on his face. 

He held the log in both hands, pulling hard, the tips of his fingers white from the pressure pushing on the lumber. 

He sighed with effort before dropping his shoulders “See?” 

You nodded “My mistake” 

He had shaken his head with a small laugh as he turned back to his work at hand as if you had been ridiculous for even suggesting such a thing. 

That had been onwards a month ago now, and his chuckle of disbelief at your audacity that he could simply tear wood in half was something you had thought about ever since. 

You knew Lars was unique, that things with him would be…less than conventional, his time with Bianca had made that apparent to everyone. You had told him, this would all be on his terms, his comfort was the most important thing to you; and of course, the last thing you had wanted to do was replace Bianca, you could never; she was special. 

Lars’ face broke into a grin as he looked up and saw you watching him. He waved excitedly and you grinned, his smile infectious waving back before chuckling to yourself, biting gently on your index finger as he simply turned back to the woodpile to carry on chopping as if you hadn’t been there at all. 

You pulled your headphones from your ears and dropped them in your pocket as you moved to lean against the garage, one foot propped against the siding as you folded your arms across your chest, your manicured thumbnail finding its way between your teeth as you watched him intently. 

In true Lars fashion, despite his physical exertion, he was dressed in at least four layers. You watched as he put the ax down to peel off the top layer before looking around for somewhere to put the puffy blue jacket that wasn’t the spongy wet grass. 

“I’ll hold it” you called, holding out your hand beckoning him to bring it to you 

He nodded before jogging over to where you stood passing it to you, the tips of his fingers brushing over the length of yours, the briefest touch, but you were certain he was aware. 

“Thanks” he smiled tight lipped as you folded the jacket over your arms watching him jog back to the woodpile. 

“He really is something isn’t he?” 

You turned to see Karin standing next to you, bundled against the cold and smiled with a nod, turning your attention back to Lars. 

“He really is” you agreed. 

“Wanna come inside?” she asked gesturing toward the house “It’s a lot warmer than out here” 

You shook your head “I’m okay, thanks” 

“I bet you are,” she smirked before turning back toward the house “Door’s open if you change your mind” 

You wouldn’t. 

Watching Lars in his own environment was one of your favourite things to do; he could be himself and be comfortable. He didn’t have to pretend around you he had said one night as you sat across from each other cross legged on his small bed working on touch therapy. 

What he didn’t know was touch therapy helped you just as much as it helped him. You struggled with being touched, albeit not to the same degree, but Lars made it bearable. With him, you didn’t mind that the ghost of his fingers lingered on the back of your hand long after he had taken them away.

You straightened as he sauntered over to where you stood against the garage, positive he was oblivious to how effortlessly sexy he made something as simple as walking. 

He leaned the ax against the wall with a sniff, wiping his sleeve over his nose. Despite the cold, his face glistened with sweat. 

“Want to go inside?” he asked tipping his head slightly in the adorable way he always did “You must be cold”

“Burning up actually” you winked, watching his cheeks burn red as he immediately dropped his gaze to look between your feet. “I’m only teasing” you half lied “Karin said she-”

“I was thinking we could-” he started, before shifting uncomfortably his head still dropped 

You waited quietly for him to collect his thoughts and try again. 

“That we could..have some…us time” he stammered, peeking up at you from under his long lashes making your heart flip in your chest “I-if you want”

You had been seeing each other almost daily for over a month and you still made him nervous; especially when he’d had things on his mind. 

“I would love to” you smiled, keeping your voice soft. 

His head shot up nearly colliding with yours in the process, his blue eyes sparkling with an excitement that made you giggle “Yeah?” 

You nodded with a laugh “Yeah”

“Okay” he nodded, ushering you forward, but careful not to touch the small of your back as you passed. 

He reached around you, opening the door before stepping back, letting you walk in first. 

“I’m sorry for the mess” he apologized, pushing the door closed as he pulled his gloves off

Your eyes scanned the room, it was impeccable save for the cereal bowl on the small table.

“You don’t have to apologize” you smiled “This is your home”

He waved his hand dismissively and shrugged out of his jacket, pulling his hat off and hanging both on hooks by the door. 

You unzipped your own jacket, biting your lip gently with a smirk when you felt him help you tug it off before hanging it next to his. You slid your boots off, setting your hat on top before turning your attention back to Lars, who was wringing his hands nervously.

“Lars?” you asked softly, worried if you spoke much louder you might spook him 

He looked up quickly, almost like he’d forgotten you were there. 

“Are you alright?” you asked, raising an eyebrow 

He nodded “We should- Can we…can we sit?” he asked, gesturing to his small bed. 

“Sure” you nodded before sitting on the edge of the mattress, moving to cross your legs in front of you as he sat across from you. “Did you have something in mind for tonight?” 

He was nervous, but you had accepted the fact that merely, you, being in his presence was enough to make him jittery. This was something different though…

You sat with your hands collapsed in your lap waiting for him to ease himself into his comfort zone. This had become something of a routine for the two of you, usually you visited with Karin and Gus, long enough for a cup of tea or coffee maybe dinner before you and Lars would retire to his small space in the garage, where he would build you a small fire and you would sit across from each other on the small bed while he plucked up the courage to ask if he could “try again” 

It always started the same, hesitant and slow as his fingers traced the back of your hand; after a few minutes he would nod, that was his silent indication you could do the same. 

Today you had come prepared, you sat across from him in a t-shirt despite the cold temperatures outside, the small garage always warmed up quickly. Each day you had sat doing this with him, he had managed to progress further up the length of your arm, touching and holding for longer increments each time. 

He let out a heavy sigh swallowing hard, his hands folded in front of him 

“We don’t have to do this tonight if you’re not ready” you reassured and he immediately shook his head 

“No, I want to” he paused looking up at you “Un-unless you don’t want-? 

“I’m  ready for whatever you’re comfortable with sweetheart” 

His cheeks flushed the slightest shade of pink before he nodded, hoping you hadn’t noticed. You pretended not to. 

“I…” he let out another heavy sigh “Can I-” he tried again before he faltered 

“Take your time” you soothed 

He nodded, squeezing his eyes shut as he took a deep breath in through his nose. 

He fidgeted sitting across from you as you waited; he was transfixed on his hands in his lap, not making eye contact with you. “Would it be alright if we….if I….” he dropped his voice to a near non existent whisper “If I kissed you?” Again, like he had out in the yard, he peeked up at you from under his long eyelashes, nervous for your answer. 

“You want to kiss me?” you asked, unable to keep the growing smile off your face; it was such an innocent request, anyone else would have thought nothing of it, would have just went for it, but not Lars. 

He nodded quickly before dropping his gaze. 

“I-if you want” he mumbled quickly

“Lars…” you smiled, reaching to rest a hand on his knee, in lieu of reaching for his bare hand. “Look at me” 

Slowly he lifted his head  blinking rapidly “It's okay if you don't, I understand” 

“I would love to” He looked up almost in awe as you continued “Are you sure you're ready for that?” 

He nodded determinedly 

“We'll go slow” you smiled offering your hand for him to take the initiative. 

Almost immediately he reached out, taking your hand in his. This was something he had grown comfortable with, anything else was much more of a struggle. His hand slowly slid up the length of your arm. 

He let out a shaky breath knowing what would follow, your mirror of his movements along his own arm. 

He jumped back, startling you slightly “Wait wait” 

You dropped your hand, your own heartbeat subsiding in your ears watching as he stood and stripped off everything but his undershirt and sweats before he sat back down. 

“I want to feel it this time” he explained “More than before”

Your own excitement peaked at his sudden boldness as he returned his hand to your upper arm. 

“If you want to stop, just say so, okay?” You asked, finding yourself slightly nervous at the prospect of pushing him too far. 

He nodded but didn't make eye contact as his hand settled on your shoulder. 

His breath caught in his throat as your hand inched up his bicep, hesitating briefly when he jumped. 

“Okay?” You asked

“Yes,” he whispered. Eyes still focused on his own movements. 

Your eyes fluttered closed as his large hand slid up the length of your neck, his calloused fingers hesitant, and warm tickling your skin. The low moan in the back of your throat stopped Lars immediately. 

“Did I hurt you?” He asked, worry evident in his voice 

You shook your head slowly, opening your eyes. “No, baby” you whispered, reminding yourself you needed to keep your composure. 

He cupped your cheek and you sighed leaning into his touch. 

His breath was shaky as he felt your hand move from his shoulder, creeping closer to his neck, to bare skin. 

He could do this. He wanted to do this. He wanted to do this with you. 

“May I?” You asked softly, fingers hovering on the neck of his undershirt. 

Again, he nodded. You still kept your movements slow, your heart beating hard in your chest, very aware this was foreign territory for Lars. 

He flinched almost as soon as your skin made contact with his, but he didn't pull away. 

To your surprise he shifted, moving himself closer to you. His hands moving to your waist pulling you into a kneel. His hands were extremely warm, even through the thin fabric of your t-shirt. 

You moved closer, but stopped short, letting him keep control of the situation. His breath was warm against your face given your new proximity. 

He took your face in both hands all at once, pressing his lips firmly against yours. You gasped, your hands finding his waist as his tongue pushed past your lips before he hesitated, but didn't pull back. Your lips parted, giving him the permission he'd hoped for. 

He whimpered, making your stomach flip, your fingers curling gently against his hips as he deepened your kiss, pulling your body flush against his.  

His mouth moved eagerly against yours, the unmistakable bulge pressing against your leg as his arms wrapped around your back. He ground his hips against your thigh, his breathing heavy. 

In spite of your best efforts, you moaned into your kiss, which only seemed to spur Lars on, he rocked against you, his hands finding their way into your hair, fingers tangling around the strands. 

Lars had completely lost himself in the moment; lost himself in you. You had managed to pull yourself out of the intoxicating spell you’d slipped under, prying your lips from his, breathing hard as Lars moaned into your neck, his fingers curling tightly against your back, your thigh suddenly damp. 

As reality came crashing back around him Lars sat back, a look you could only assume was nothing short of fear etched all over his face. 

“I’m sorry” he apologized, his eyes welling up with tears “I-I didn’t mean to”

Your features immediately softened opting to touch his arm gently instead of his face. “Lars, baby, you have nothing to be sorry for” 

His brow furrowed slightly as he considered your words blinking away the tears “I don’t?” 

“No,” you shook your head with a smile reaching to push his hair back out of his eyes “Never” 

“Never?” He asked, his nose scrunching slightly with his skepticism 

“Not with me” 

He nodded slowly, seemingly accepting this to be true. 

“Did I hurt you?” you asked, worried that you may have unintentionally thrust him from his comfort zone. “How’s the burning?”

He shook his head “I don’t, it doesn’t….it’s different”

“Good different?” you asked 

“Good different” His face broke into a grin “Can we do it again?” 

You chuckled to yourself, as much as you were more than willing to do it again, you shook your head 

His face fell immediately “Did I do it wrong?” panic obvious. 

“Oh Lars, no” you shook your head with a small laugh “It was wonderful” 

His shoulders dropped as he visibly relaxed 

“But wouldn’t you rather take it slow?” you asked “Go at a pace you’re comfortable with?” 

He considered this with a nod “I just want you to be happy”

“I am happy” you stressed “How could I not be with a stud like you?” 

He scoffed, again scrunching his nose as he shook his head in disagreement his cheeks flushing a deep crimson 

You laughed, making him bashful was so easy to do. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up and I’ll play with your hair the way you like until you fall asleep?”

He nodded “Yes please” 

“Well then,” you smiled, gesturing toward the bathroom as you both got to your feet

He turned toward the bathroom, walking a step and a half before he turned back around “Hey..” 

You looked up from pulling the covers back on the bed “Hmm?” 

You stood up fully as he came back to where you stood “I forgot to tell you Happy Birthday” 

He bent to kiss you on the cheek before promptly turning on his heel and disappearing into the bathroom before you had a chance to register what had happened. 

You stood alone in the small converted garage laughing lightly to yourself, your fingertips resting where his lips had been moments before, still able to feel their ghostly imprint. 

“Thank you” you smirked to yourself before climbing between the sheets and waited for Lars to join you.

[your-local-tyrant]

Rules masterpost

This is an ask and rp blog for an AU version of armada megatron! I will occasionally post other transformers content, but over all this blog will be centered around armada megatron!

Armada's Profile / Headcannons / more headcannons History Archives (wip)

Side blog: Megatrons-apprentice

Standard RP Rules:

Please, hate the CHARACTER not the PERSON!

Have fun!

I will use pictures/screenshots in my replies to help with worldbuilding and to show off megatrons current mood status in the rp! (Most will be from the DW armada comic)

You may send me reminders and pings! but please do not go over 3 or 4, it gets annoying! sometimes I get busy and I forget but I will reply eventually!

When I send a reply I will ping you! If you don't want that just tell me to not ping you!

For roleplay I am semi lit to literate and can write up to 7 paragraphs, however I will try to match my partners length. So if you write 5 I will also write 5, if you write 3 I will write 3.

I don't have any triggers

I AM still learning the basics on cybertronian terms! So if I get something wrong or I use regular terms it's because I'm still learning! I do have basic anatomy down though, so that's a thing! (Feel free to correct me though)

Megatron rp basics:

My au megatrons backstory is not all sunshine and rainbows, so keep in mind that some posts will have mentions of very dark themes in it! A list of common dark topics will be listed below this section!

You can read all his info on his character profile and headcannon posts! (Wip)

Not all of the events will be cannon! however, there will be mentions of cannon events from both the comics and show! (I will put common mentions in a headcannon post later)

Be aware that the megatron in this au can be very aggressive! He does have a lot of patience for a megatron, but if you manage to anger him enough you will face the consequences of a tyrant's wrath. (He will NOT kill your oc without permission but he may injure them!)

This au version of Armada Megatron is a combination of the comic and show versions of him in terms of personality. He can be deceivingly polite and formal to hide a darker sadistic and ferally brutal side.

He will toy with your ocs emotions if given the chance

He has mood swings sometimes

He is always looking for ways to become stronger and he is not afraid to add body modifications to himself to become a better and more efficient minicon hunter or fighter

I will also post occasional lore related content and small ramblings from megatrons perspective

Common dark themes:

Violence, verbal and physical

Starvation

Cannibalism

Sadism

Murder/butchery and death

Near death experiences

Horrid prison basement with terrible conditions and crammed cells

Non sedative surgery

Possible mentions of the cybertronian equivalent to alcohol and drug use

Thoughts of self death/harm

Asks:

No personal questions! Only questions about or for the character!

I will put pictures in ask and rp responses! (If I get into a creative mood I might draw a response or two)

All asks will be put in the "tyrant speaks" tag. Written posts like short stories will be in the "tyrant posting" tag.

If I send you an ask it may usually be anon because of social anxiety/awkwardness issues, but I will mark my asks with a 🔥 so that you know it's me

General Notes:

I will post occasional art related content that is not related to the au

I am 25 and I do occasionally draw 18+, I do it for anatomy study and character reference sheets. If i decide to post it here it will be sensored and tagged!

On the topic of that I do nsfw rp, but I'm picky and will only do so with partners 21+, mainly because I can get very aggressive with it

[duckprintspress]

Fandom Lexicon: R

We’re in the home stretch on updates to our main fandom lexicon! Today, check out the entries starting with “R”!

View the entire Fandom Lexicon posted to date.

See something we missed? Notice a mistake? Let us know!

Lexicon Entries Starting with R: (read more)

RACK: Abbreviation for “risk-aware consensual kink.” A term used by members of the BDSM community who engage in more dangerous power-exchange activities to emphasize the importance of being educated about the risks associated with that activity before engaging in it. See also: PRICK. Read more about RACK.

Ravatar: On Ravelry chat boards, a person’s avatar is often called their “ravatar” as a joke on the name of the platform. See avatar.

RB: Abbreviation for “reverse bang” or “reblog.”

Re: [Thing]: Shortened way of saying “In reply to [Thing]/As regards [Thing].” On social media, Re: precedes discussion of [thing], usually as a means of circling back to [thing] after talking about something else or to make it clear that a point being made is directly related to a specific previous thing that has been mentioned.

Reader Insert: Stories written so the reader might imagine themselves as the protagonist. Often use Y/N or YN (both short for “your name”) to refer to the protagonist. Reader inserts are tagged as “Reader” on AO3, for example: Reader/(Character). May also be referred to as “x reader” fics. Read more about read inserts.

Reblog: Tumblr lingo that refers to sharing a post written by another blog using the “reblog” function, which ensures the content remains connected to the original blog. Not to be confused with a repost.

Rec List: Shortened form of “recommendation list.” Like a mixtape of the creator’s favorites in a given category. Could be fanfic, movies, books, TV shows, blogs to follow, etc. There is no upper or lower limit on how many things can be in a reclist. Can be very specific (e.g. only works featuring a precise trope of a specific ship in a specific fandom) or very broad (e.g. “my favorites”).

Redacted: A term that means the previous text has been removed for Reasons (specified or unspecified). Within fandom, this is typically used facetiously to refer to information that fans are not supposed to know (or not supposed to share), assumptions that may or may not be correct, unpopular or controversial opinions, or simply for the laughs. Read more about redaction.

Reddit: A forum-esque social media platform. Visit reddit.

Remix: Mixing up the elements of a source material. Fandom usage can refer to art, writing, video edits, music, or pretty much any other media imaginable.

Repost: Copying an original post (most often artwork – including photographs – or animated gifs) and posting it to one’s own blog, rather than using the reblog function. When done without permission, this is a form of content theft. When done with permission and credit, it’s fine. Don’t take other people’s hard work without asking! Not to be confused with a reblog, retweet, or other platform-based forms of post-sharing.

Reverse Bang: A collaborative creation event in which artists create an art piece and write a small amount about it to offer guidance, then writers sign up to write a story for that piece, usually with a minimum length of at least 5,000 words. See also: big bang, creation challenge.

RN: Abbreviation for “right now.”

RPF: Abbreviation for “real person fic.” Fanworks about people who actually currently are alive or have been alive in the past, rather than about fictional/made-up characters. A lot of RPF involves shipping real people together. Sports fandoms and bandoms are big, popular examples of RPF communities, and it’s also common for lead actors who play popular fictional ship characters to get shipped together (for example, the actors Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins from Supernatural who play Dean Winchester and Castiel, the very popular ship Destiel, are also often shipped together as the popular RPF ship Cockles). Read more about RPF.

RPG: Abbreviation for “roleplaying game.” A game in which individuals create characters or play a game-assigned character and play the role of that character throughout. RPGs can be played via any venue/channel/platform that allows individuals to interact with each other or with a gaming system. See also: JRPG, MMORPG, TTRPG (pending).

RPS: Abbreviation for “real person shipping.” See RPF.

RT: Abbreviation for “retweet” on Twitter or “retoot” on Mastodon.

Rubberduck Debugging: Explaining a problem to an unresponsive target in order to identify and fix the origin of that problem. Originates from The Pragmatic Programmer. Read more about rubberducking.

The Rules of the Internet: The Rules of the Internet is a loose, unofficial list originally spawned from 4chan. The list is memetic and subject to change, and a few specific rules have been widely adopted in fandom. Read more about the Rules of the Internet. Rules most often mentioned in fandom spaces:

Rule 34: If it (whatever “it” is) exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.

Rule 35: If there is no porn of it, porn will be made of it.

Rule 36: No matter how fucked up “it” is, there is always worse than what you just saw.

Rule 63: For every male character, there is a female version of that character, and for every female character, there is a male version of that character, and there will always be porn about both versions of that character. This is by far the most widely spread Rule in most fandom spaces, and “rule 63” is a common tag used on content of this type. See also: genderbend, genderswap.

Rule 64: There is lore for everything that exists.

Rule 65: If there isn’t lore yet, there will be imminently.

Rule 66: The longer a piece of lore is, the weirder it will get.

[lgcmanager]

NOTORIETY TIERS 012 UPDATE

hi! this is admin a and with the NOTORIETY TIERS post made a few days ago, there are some thoughts that we wanted to bring up, so hopefully this will clarify some questions and concerns that have been brought up to us.

since this cycle covers 2 terms ( q4 & q1 ) we’ve been trying to balance out everyone’s individual activities from the NTs with any that will be going on during those two terms. because of this balancing act, it’s quite time consuming trying to make sure that the gigs chosen meet the requirements, find the proper time to put them on schedule, AND make sure that the muse’s group/path still has an opportunity/time to do whatever the creative directors have in mind. 

so here are some ( small ) ways to make the processing a lot easier for us:

if you are claiming an acting project ( drama/film/musical ), we highly recommend linking in the form the ratings reference ( if applicable ) and the cast list ( where it specifically mentions that the role you want is a main/lead/supporting role ). for every acting project we get, we have to check through that to see if it meets the gig reqs AND the number of episodes as well. the number of episodes help us decide how much time the muse will be focusing on that specific project. 

for modeling ( fashion shows ) please include in the form the dates as to when the fashion show is ( and if you want, the designer too but that's something that can be decided by the admins ). this saves me additional time AND it helps both parties in terms of figuring out whether the muse has the time to take on this gig.

for any gigs that have a pre-req attached to it ( eg. must have been a co-host for a live event once ), include what the gig was that matched that requirement. 

this only applies for the current cycle, but it is ideal to balance out the gigs in terms of time. this means that while you could claim multiple year end and holiday related gigs, it’s best to pick a gig ( or more ) that have flexible dates ( eg. picking a cover for the holidays and then another variety show gig ) so that your muse will have something to do for both Q4 and Q1. furthermore, since Q4 is the busiest term ( ic ) out of all of the terms due to year end ceremonies, holidays ( ex. halloween, winter break ), and possible comebacks, putting majority of the gigs in this specific term makes it difficult for other people to claim gigs related to this as well.

UPDATE: for this cycle too, since there are plenty of year end shows for muses to partake in the limit for that will be a maximum of 3 muses per show. also, if and when the forms are processed, those are final. they cannot be modified because it would require additional time having to fix a schedule that has already been finalized.

moreover, here are a few other details to take into consideration when deciding the gigs.

MIXED GENDERS 

we've gotten a few questions whether this is possible and the short answer is that this depends on the gig. for HOSTING ( especially for live events/concerts ), this is acceptable along with ACTING and LYRIC WRITING/MUSICAL ARRANGEMENTS. for photoshoots, cfs, and variety shows, those are allowed as long as the muses involved are leads in some acting project ( eg. a drama/film/musical ). this is because the gig will be viewed more as promotion for the acting project that they are a part of. for song covers, they are not accepted. this can change in the future, but for now these are the rules regarding that.

COOLDOWN PERIODS

in the past we didn’t have a strict rule with this because not many people were able to redeem gigs that had it, but to make it easier for everyone, the cooldown period should start when the gig starts in lgc. for instance, if you pick a lead or main role in a musical, your cooldown will happen on the first showing of the production and then add 4 months afterwards. another example are dramas; the first airing date of the drama will be the start of the cooldown. this cooldown is implemented to allow the muse a chance to do other activities ( if there is a NT cycle during that time ) and/or participate in other career projects related to them.

ACTING GIGS ( DRAMAS/FILMS/MUSICALS ): 

if a muse is part of an acting gig, those tend to take up quite a bit of time and energy ( for example, in bullet inquiry main and lead roles had to be free from all of their schedules to focus primarily on the drama ). 

for ACTORS, if there is an lgc-produced project happening during a notoriety tier gig claimed by them, that is factored in the type of role the muse ends up getting. we did this because as more actors participate in notoriety tiers, the muns are given more control over the type of projects they see their muse doing. if the acting project that is happening or will be happening is something that the muse is not interested in, they can opt to skip the audition ( if applicable ) or go for a lower role while picking a notoriety tier acting gig that matches what they’re interested in. 

as for IDOLS, because they have the busiest schedule out of all of the career paths, you will most likely be excluded from some or majority of the group activities if you decide to go for more significant acting roles. 

on the other hand, since MODELS have the most freedom in their schedules, they can take on acting gigs usually but depending on what is planned, they might be exclude from that too. 

as some of you may be seeing, with more people joining the NOTORIETY TIERS and reaching higher tier levels, we’re in the process of giving you ( the muns ) more choices over how you would like to develop your muse. in return, the choices you make could have some losses, but just like how lgc's motto, you’re creating your muse’s legacy. 

if you do have any questions pertaining to everything mentioned in this post, feel free to message the main and we'll do our best to answer them!

[qualityautoparts-blog]

Tips to Choose the Right Used Car Parts for Your Vehicle

When your car needs a part replaced, buying brand-new parts isn't your only option. Many people choose used car parts because they are affordable and can still offer good performance. However, choosing the right part takes a bit of attention to detail. This guide shares helpful tips so you can make smart decisions when purchasing used auto parts.

Understand What Part You Need

Before shopping, know exactly which part your vehicle needs. Check your car’s manual or consult a mechanic. Write down important details like the make, model, year, and engine type of your vehicle. This information will help match the part accurately. Even small differences between car models can make a big difference in how parts fit and function.

Know Where to Shop

There are many places to look for quality used car parts. Local salvage yards, auto repair shops, or online platforms are good starting points. If you’re searching online, always choose trusted websites that list detailed descriptions, part numbers, and pictures. If you want to buy OEM parts, make sure the seller clearly mentions the part is original and not an aftermarket copy.

Check for Compatibility

Always double-check if the part fits your car. Just because it looks similar doesn’t mean it will work correctly. Cross-reference part numbers if possible. A good seller will be able to confirm compatibility based on your vehicle’s details. If you're unsure, asking questions or sharing your vehicle information with the seller can prevent costly mistakes.

Inspect the Condition

Used parts come in different conditions. Some may look almost new, while others may show signs of wear. If you're buying in person, check for rust, cracks, or signs of damage. For electronic components, ask if the part has been tested. For online purchases, look for clear pictures and ask for extra photos if needed. Buying from a seller who offers return policies is always a safe choice.

Understand the Warranty and Return Policy

Some used parts come with warranties or guarantees, even if they are short-term. A warranty gives you peace of mind that the part won’t fail right after installation. Also, read the return policy before purchasing. If the part doesn’t work or fit, you should be able to return or exchange it without trouble.

Compare Prices

Don’t rush into buying the first part you find. Take time to compare prices from different sellers. Extremely low prices may sound tempting but could mean poor quality. On the other hand, paying too much for a used part may not make sense if a new one costs just slightly more. Balance quality with price for the best value.

Ask for Help If Needed

If you are not sure about something, ask for help. A mechanic, a friend who knows cars, or even customer support from the website can guide you. It’s better to take a little extra time to understand things than to end up with the wrong part.

Conclusion

Finding the right used car part doesn’t have to be hard. With a little research and attention to detail, you can get a part that works well and saves you money. Whether you’re looking for a replacement engine component or a simple side mirror, being informed will help you make a smart choice.

[wakeishasunshine]

❤December "Becoming Her" Challenge❤

I know I am late but here we go! December Challenge is all for prepping for the New Year! Its not the typical "New Year, New Me", its the New Year, Better Me. Because we don't have to be a whole new person, yes we can recreate ourselves, but we are looking to be healed, find better habits, and just become the better, healthier, healed, spiritual, happier, wealthier and peaceful person we can be. And yes, sometimes that means recreating ourselves but we can start from here to start on the process of bettering ourselves. GYST December

Take a moment and think about who this girl is becoming.

Create the mood board for the new year. (you can do this on Canva/PowerPoint/Notion. You can also reference my last post about making your mood board. Will link somewhere.) This is the big mood board. Take inspo from anywhere and put it all together and watch your vision blossom.

If your new to this journey, please take it easy on yourself. (Baby steps, do not overwhelm yourself with what everyone else's journey is looking like.) Remember comparing is only going to create self sabotage.

Start making lists (whether you write it down or put it in your phone/tablet. Ex.- Food shopping list, intentions, short/long term goals, Intentions, etc.)

Start setting intentions for yourself.

Start checking in to your spiritual side. Get books and search YouTube and podcasts. You need to be standing ten toes down in this. (The world is a shit show so you need to start being solid in yourself so the outside world doesn't bring you down. If your not religious or spiritual that's also fine, so this means you need to tap into yourself a little more.) Remember religion is something that gives people hope.

PURGE: Start making to do list for a month long declutter. (Try one room a week to fully go through everything and get rid of anything you haven't touched in six months to a year. You can either throw it out/donate or sell. Also declutter anything that makes you feel bad about yourself. (This could mean social media, people, places.)

Think about how you want your space to feel, say and look like for you. (please don't try to just be trendy if the trend doesn't speak to you. Go with your flow and what makes you feel like this is home)

Make a list of things you want to try to do. (This could be going back to school, fashion trends, places to travel to, restaurants you want to try)

Take your self care into focus. (Make a list of things you want to implement into self care along with a monthly budget sheet. We will be saving this year while keeping our self care together.)Also you don't need to spend a whole lot of money to do self care. Lets normalize self care on a budget that fits our own lifestyles.

Make a jar of ways to love on yourself, or affirmations, or date nights for yourself.

If you find yourself having trouble with your goal list start small. Remember everything is attainable, but we have to have grace on ourselves which sometimes means making smaller goals to start with.

Make reminders to take it easy on yourself. Know your going to make mistakes and fall down. Its all about getting back up and moving forward.

Allow yourself space to have rest days. These are important to reset and live in the moment. You can't overwork yourself and expect perfect results. This leads to burn out which can make it harder to complete goals.

Lastly, we have to start putting things into action. Start making strides to put work in. These things won't just happen even with all the prayer/manifestation.

Links to other post:

Lets make self care a part of this new journey.

Lets do this together.

Don't beat yourself up, life will do it enough!

Links down below.

[bonkusdonkus]

I’ve been thinking about bunnies again!

A while ago, I made a list of list ideas, headcanons, and hombrew thoughts on the Harengon, one of my favorite D&D races. Mostly because WotC just kind of slapped them into a book, mumbled something about how they like freedom, and left it at that, and I didn’t like that.

Well I’ve had more ideas since then!

I will now shotgun them onto the Internet so others may steal and\or get inspiration from them! Same rules apply as last time, Harengon and Rabbit folk are interchangeable terms, you can use any of these you like, or don’t! Okay! Let’s talk about bunnies!

Harengon traditionally have extremely long, extremely difficult to remember names. Their names are often literal paragraphs long, or even multiple pages. Some Rabbit Folk actually have names so long they literally need a novel sized book to write them down, and that’s just their first name. Harengon surnames can be encyclopedia sized. On average. As bizarre as it sounds, there is a reason for this. It’s a defense mechanism! In the Feywild, names have immense power. Giving a Fae your full name can have terrible consequences. So, being native to the Feywild, the Harengon counteracted this by making their names impossibly long and complicated, so that remembering them to use against them is near impossible. Plus, many Fae have short attention spans, by the time they’re even halfway through reciting their name, the dangerous Fae will probably just get bored and leave. Obviously, in every day life most Harengon only use a part of their full name, but traditionally all harengon are taught to memorize the full thing, just in case.

It’s common knowledge that Harengon are considered lucky. They have an unusual propensity for pulling victory from the jaws of defeat, or landing that one-in-a-million chance. Hilariously, this means that many casinos or gambling dens often ban Rabbit Folk from playing. Less amusingly though, it has also led to some ugly superstitions. One fairly harmless belief is that a kiss from a Harengon grants the kissed good luck. Some considerably less harmless beliefs are that drinking Harengon blood will give their luck to the drinker, or that having a charm made from Harengon teeth will ward off misfortune. There is little to no evidence that either of these superstitions are true, but doesn’t stop the depraved or the desperate from trying to find out…

On occasion, a Harengon will be born with pure red eyes. No pupils, no whites, just red. These Rabbitfolk are typically referred to as Unfortunates. Not because they’re particularly unlucky, but because they have a peculiar… Aura, let’s call it. Whereas normal Rabbitfolk are known for their supernatural luck, Unfortunates seem to almost suck the luck out of people around them. Specifically, people who wrong them. This is a very difficult thing to catalogue or measure, so it very well could just be a cultural belief of the Harengon, and not an actual phenomenon. But, well, they are from the Feywild. It also could be true…

Harengon aren’t immune to poison, but they are immune to several notable poisonous plants, such as hemlock and nightshade. In fact, they think these plants are quite tasty. They often eat them raw in salads, or cooked much like spinach. But the most famous use of these poisons, is the infamous Snake Blood wine. A potent, magically charged alcoholic wine said to taste like angel’s dreams and unicorn tears. Fanciful descriptions aside aside, it is an exceptionally valuable item, a luxury among luxuries. Brewing it is not only extremely difficult and time consuming, the method is a jealously guarded secret among the Harengon. And while it is still very much poisonous to most species, It can be imbibed by non-harengon, in very, VERY small amounts. Because of this, among wine enthusiasts, it’s become something of a pilgrimage or right of passage to taste the legendary Snake Blood wine of the Rabbitfolk.

One of the most common jokes people make about Harengon is that they love carrots. Because, you know, bunnies. The Rabbitfolk have no particular attachment to carrots, culturally or biologically. Though it’s not unheard of for them to like the orange vegetables, it’s no different than if a human liked them, just a matter of personal preference. However, some Harengon have heard so many stupid carrot jokes, that they have developed a deep seated hatred of them. There are multiple incidents of Harengon actively going out of their way to destroy carrots, out of sheer spite.

[qqueenofhades]

The Green Knight and Medieval Metatextuality: An Essay

Right, so. Finally watched it last night, and I’ve been thinking about it literally ever since, except for the part where I was asleep. As I said to fellow medievalist and admirer of Dev Patel @oldshrewsburyian, it’s possibly the most fascinating piece of medieval-inspired media that I’ve seen in ages, and how refreshing to have something in this genre that actually rewards critical thought and deep analysis, rather than me just fulminating fruitlessly about how popular media thinks that slapping blood, filth, and misogyny onto some swords and castles is “historically accurate.” I read a review of TGK somewhere that described it as the anti-Game of Thrones, and I’m inclined to think that’s accurate. I didn’t agree with all of the film’s tonal, thematic, or interpretative choices, but I found them consistently stylish, compelling, and subversive in ways both small and large, and I’m gonna have to write about it or I’ll go crazy. So. Brace yourselves.

(Note: My PhD is in medieval history, not medieval literature, and I haven’t worked on SGGK specifically, but I am familiar with it, its general cultural context, and the historical influences, images, and debates that both the poem and the film referenced and drew upon, so that’s where this meta is coming from.)

First, obviously, while the film is not a straight-up text-to-screen version of the poem (though it is by and large relatively faithful), it is a multi-layered meta-text that comments on the original Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, the archetypes of chivalric literature as a whole, modern expectations for medieval films, the hero’s journey, the requirements of being an “honorable knight,” and the nature of death, fate, magic, and religion, just to name a few. Given that the Arthurian legendarium, otherwise known as the Matter of Britain, was written and rewritten over several centuries by countless authors, drawing on and changing and hybridizing interpretations that sometimes challenged or outright contradicted earlier versions, it makes sense for the film to chart its own path and make its own adaptational decisions as part of this multivalent, multivocal literary canon. Sir Gawain himself is a canonically and textually inconsistent figure; in the movie, the characters merrily pronounce his name in several different ways, most notably as Sean Harris/King Arthur’s somewhat inexplicable “Garr-win.” He might be a man without a consistent identity, but that’s pointed out within the film itself. What has he done to define himself, aside from being the king’s nephew? Is his quixotic quest for the Green Knight actually going to resolve the question of his identity and his honor – and if so, is it even going to matter, given that successful completion of the “game” seemingly equates with death?

Likewise, as the anti-Game of Thrones, the film is deliberately and sometimes maddeningly non-commercial. For an adaptation coming from a studio known primarily for horror, it almost completely eschews the cliché that gory bloodshed equals authentic medievalism; the only graphic scene is the Green Knight’s original beheading. The violence is only hinted at, subtextual, suspenseful; it is kept out of sight, around the corner, never entirely played out or resolved. In other words, if anyone came in thinking that they were going to watch Dev Patel luridly swashbuckle his way through some CGI monsters like bad Beowulf adaptations of yore, they were swiftly disappointed. In fact, he seems to spend most of his time being wet, sad, and failing to meet the moment at hand (with a few important exceptions).

The film unhurriedly evokes a medieval setting that is both surreal and defiantly non-historical. We travel (in roughly chronological order) from Anglo-Saxon huts to Romanesque halls to high-Gothic cathedrals to Tudor villages and half-timbered houses, culminating in the eerie neo-Renaissance splendor of the Lord and Lady’s hall, before returning to the ancient trees of the Green Chapel and its immortal occupant: everything that has come before has now returned to dust. We have been removed even from imagined time and place and into a moment where it ceases to function altogether. We move forward, backward, and sideways, as Gawain experiences past, present, and future in unison. He is dislocated from his own sense of himself, just as we, the viewers, are dislocated from our sense of what is the “true” reality or filmic narrative; what we think is real turns out not to be the case at all. If, of course, such a thing even exists at all.

This visual evocation of the entire medieval era also creates a setting that, unlike GOT, takes pride in rejecting absolutely all political context or Machiavellian maneuvering. The film acknowledges its own cultural ubiquity and the question of whether we really need yet another King Arthur adaptation: none of the characters aside from Gawain himself are credited by name. We all know it’s Arthur, but he’s listed only as “king.” We know the spooky druid-like old man with the white beard is Merlin, but it’s never required to spell it out. The film gestures at our pre-existing understanding; it relies on us to fill in the gaps, cuing us to collaboratively produce the story with it, positioning us as listeners as if we were gathered to hear the original poem. Just like fanfiction, it knows that it doesn’t need to waste time introducing every single character or filling in ultimately unnecessary background knowledge, when the audience can be relied upon to bring their own.

As for that, the film explicitly frames itself as a “filmed adaptation of the chivalric romance” in its opening credits, and continues to play with textual referents and cues throughout: telling us where we are, what’s happening, or what’s coming next, rather like the rubrics or headings within a medieval manuscript. As noted, its historical/architectural references span the entire medieval European world, as does its costume design. I was particularly struck by the fact that Arthur and Guinevere’s crowns resemble those from illuminated monastic manuscripts or Eastern Orthodox iconography: they are both crown and halo, they confer an air of both secular kingship and religious sanctity. The question in the film’s imagined epilogue thus becomes one familiar to Shakespeare’s Henry V: heavy is the head that wears the crown. Does Gawain want to earn his uncle’s crown, take over his place as king, bear the fate of Camelot, become a great ruler, a husband and father in ways that even Arthur never did, only to see it all brought to dust by his cowardice, his reliance on unscrupulous sorcery, and his unfulfilled promise to the Green Knight? Is it better to have that entire life and then lose it, or to make the right choice now, even if it means death?

Likewise, Arthur’s kingly mantle is Byzantine in inspiration, as is the icon of the Virgin Mary-as-Theotokos painted on Gawain’s shield (which we see broken apart during the attack by the scavengers). The film only glances at its religious themes rather than harping on them explicitly; we do have the cliché scene of the male churchmen praying for Gawain’s safety, opposite Gawain’s mother and her female attendants working witchcraft to protect him. (When oh when will I get my film that treats medieval magic and medieval religion as the complementary and co-existing epistemological systems that they were, rather than portraying them as diametrically binary and disparagingly gendered opposites?) But despite the interim setbacks borne from the failure of Christian icons, the overall resolution of the film could serve as the culmination of a medieval Christian morality tale: Gawain can buy himself a great future in the short term if he relies on the protection of the enchanted green belt to avoid the Green Knight’s killing stroke, but then he will have to watch it all crumble until he is sitting alone in his own hall, his children dead and his kingdom destroyed, as a headless corpse who only now has been brave enough to accept his proper fate. By removing the belt from his person in the film’s Inception-like final scene, he relinquishes the taint of black magic and regains his religious honor, even at the likely cost of death. That, the medieval Christian morality tale would agree, is the correct course of action.

Gawain’s encounter with St. Winifred likewise presents a more subtle vision of medieval Christianity. Winifred was an eighth-century Welsh saint known for being beheaded, after which (by the power of another saint) her head was miraculously restored to her body and she went on to live a long and holy life. It doesn’t quite work that way in TGK. (St Winifred’s Well is mentioned in the original SGGK, but as far as I recall, Gawain doesn’t meet the saint in person.) In the film, Gawain encounters Winifred’s lifelike apparition, who begs him to dive into the mere and retrieve her head (despite appearances, she warns him, it is not attached to her body). This fits into the pattern of medieval ghost stories, where the dead often return to entreat the living to help them finish their business; they must be heeded, but when they are encountered in places they shouldn’t be, they must be put back into their proper physical space and reminded of their real fate. Gawain doesn’t follow William of Newburgh’s practical recommendation to just fetch some brawny young men with shovels to beat the wandering corpse back into its grave. Instead, in one of his few moments of unqualified heroism, he dives into the dark water and retrieves Winifred’s skull from the bottom of the lake. Then when he returns to the house, he finds the rest of her skeleton lying in the bed where he was earlier sleeping, and carefully reunites the skull with its body, finally allowing it to rest in peace.

However, Gawain’s involvement with Winifred doesn’t end there. The fox that he sees on the bank after emerging with her skull, who then accompanies him for the rest of the film, is strongly implied to be her spirit, or at least a companion that she has sent for him. Gawain has handled a saint’s holy bones; her relics, which were well known to grant protection in the medieval world. He has done the saint a service, and in return, she extends her favor to him. At the end of the film, the fox finally speaks in a human voice, warning him not to proceed to the fateful final encounter with the Green Knight; it will mean his death. The symbolism of having a beheaded saint serve as Gawain’s guide and protector is obvious, since it is the fate that may or may not lie in store for him. As I said, the ending is Inception-like in that it steadfastly refuses to tell you if the hero is alive (or will live) or dead (or will die). In the original SGGK, of course, the Green Knight and the Lord turn out to be the same person, Gawain survives, it was all just a test of chivalric will and honor, and a trap put together by Morgan Le Fay in an attempt to frighten Guinevere. It’s essentially able to be laughed off: a game, an adventure, not real. TGK takes this paradigm and flips it (to speak…) on its head.

Gawain’s rescue of Winifred’s head also rewards him in more immediate terms: his/the Green Knight’s axe, stolen by the scavengers, is miraculously restored to him in her cottage, immediately and concretely demonstrating the virtue of his actions. This is one of the points where the film most stubbornly resists modern storytelling conventions: it simply refuses to add in any kind of “rational” or “empirical” explanation of how else it got there, aside from the grace and intercession of the saint. This is indeed how it works in medieval hagiography: things simply reappear, are returned, reattached, repaired, made whole again, and Gawain’s lost weapon is thus restored, symbolizing that he has passed the test and is worthy to continue with the quest. The film’s narrative is not modernizing its underlying medieval logic here, and it doesn’t particularly care if a modern audience finds it “convincing” or not. As noted, the film never makes any attempt to temporalize or localize itself; it exists in a determinedly surrealist and ahistorical landscape, where naked female giants who look suspiciously like Tilda Swinton roam across the wild with no necessary explanation. While this might be frustrating for some people, I actually found it a huge relief that a clearly fantastic and fictional literary adaptation was not acting like it was qualified to teach “real history” to its audience. Nobody would come out of TGK thinking that they had seen the “actual” medieval world, and since we have enough of a problem with that sort of thing thanks to GOT, I for one welcome the creation of a medieval imaginative space that embraces its eccentric and unrealistic elements, rather than trying to fit them into the Real Life box.

This plays into the fact that the film, like a reused medieval manuscript containing more than one text, is a palimpsest: for one, it audaciously rewrites the entire Arthurian canon in the wordless vision of Gawain’s life after escaping the Green Knight (I could write another meta on that dream-epilogue alone). It moves fluidly through time and creates alternate universes in at least two major points: one, the scene where Gawain is tied up and abandoned by the scavengers and that long circling shot reveals his skeletal corpse rotting on the sward, only to return to our original universe as Gawain decides that he doesn’t want that fate, and two, Gawain as King. In this alternate ending, Arthur doesn’t die in battle with Mordred, but peaceably in bed, having anointed his worthy nephew as his heir. Gawain becomes king, has children, gets married, governs Camelot, becomes a ruler surpassing even Arthur, but then watches his son get killed in battle, his subjects turn on him, and his family vanish into the dust of his broken hall before he himself, in despair, pulls the enchanted scarf out of his clothing and succumbs to his fate.

In this version, Gawain takes on the responsibility for the fall of Camelot, not Arthur. This is the hero’s burden, but he’s obtained it dishonorably, by cheating. It is a vivid but mimetic future which Gawain (to all appearances) ultimately rejects, returning the film to the realm of traditional Arthurian canon – but not quite. After all, if Gawain does get beheaded after that final fade to black, it would represent a significant alteration from the poem and the character’s usual arc. Are we back in traditional canon or aren’t we? Did Gawain reject that future or didn’t he? Do all these alterities still exist within the visual medium of the meta-text, and have any of them been definitely foreclosed?

Furthermore, the film interrogates itself and its own tropes in explicit and overt ways. In Gawain’s conversation with the Lord, the Lord poses the question that many members of the audience might have: is Gawain going to carry out this potentially pointless and suicidal quest and then be an honorable hero, just like that? What is he actually getting by staggering through assorted Irish bogs and seeming to reject, rather than embrace, the paradigms of a proper quest and that of an honorable knight? He lies about being a knight to the scavengers, clearly out of fear, and ends up cravenly bound and robbed rather than fighting back. He denies knowing anything about love to the Lady (played by Alicia Vikander, who also plays his lover at the start of the film with a decidedly ropey Yorkshire accent, sorry to say). He seems to shrink from the responsibility thrust on him, rather than rise to meet it (his only honorable act, retrieving Winifred’s head, is discussed above) and yet here he still is, plugging away. Why is he doing this? What does he really stand to gain, other than accepting a choice and its consequences (somewhat?) The film raises these questions, but it has no plans to answer them. It’s going to leave you to think about them for yourself, and it isn’t going to spoon-feed you any ultimate moral or neat resolution. In this interchange, it’s easy to see both the echoes of a formal dialogue between two speakers (a favored medieval didactic tactic) and the broader purpose of chivalric literature: to interrogate what it actually means to be a knight, how personal honor is generated, acquired, and increased, and whether engaging in these pointless and bloody “war games” is actually any kind of real path to lasting glory.

The film’s treatment of race, gender, and queerness obviously also merits comment. By casting Dev Patel, an Indian-born actor, as an Arthurian hero, the film is… actually being quite accurate to the original legends, doubtless much to the disappointment of assorted internet racists. The thirteenth-century Arthurian romance Parzival (Percival) by the German poet Wolfram von Eschenbach notably features the character of Percival’s mixed-race half-brother, Feirefiz, son of their father by his first marriage to a Muslim princess. Feirefiz is just as heroic as Percival (Gawaine, for the record, also plays a major role in the story) and assists in the quest for the Holy Grail, though it takes his conversion to Christianity for him to properly behold it.

By introducing Patel (and Sarita Chowdhury as Morgause) to the visual representation of Arthuriana, the film quietly does away with the “white Middle Ages” cliché that I have complained about ad nauseam; we see background Asian and black members of Camelot, who just exist there without having to conjure up some complicated rationale to explain their presence. The Lady also uses a camera obscura to make Gawain’s portrait. Contrary to those who might howl about anachronism, this technique was known in China as early as the fourth century BCE and the tenth/eleventh century Islamic scholar Ibn al-Haytham was probably the best-known medieval authority to write on it extensively; Latin translations of his work inspired European scientists from Roger Bacon to Leonardo da Vinci. Aside from the symbolism of an upside-down Gawain (and when he sees the portrait again during the ‘fall of Camelot’, it is right-side-up, representing that Gawain himself is in an upside-down world), this presents a subtle challenge to the prevailing Eurocentric imagination of the medieval world, and draws on other global influences.

As for gender, we have briefly touched on it above; in the original SGGK, Gawain’s entire journey is revealed to be just a cruel trick of Morgan Le Fay, simply trying to destabilize Arthur’s court and upset his queen. (Morgan is the old blindfolded woman who appears in the Lord and Lady’s castle and briefly approaches Gawain, but her identity is never explicitly spelled out.) This is, obviously, an implicitly misogynistic setup: an evil woman plays a trick on honorable men for the purpose of upsetting another woman, the honorable men overcome it, the hero survives, and everyone presumably lives happily ever after (at least until Mordred arrives).

Instead, by plunging the outcome into doubt and the hero into a much darker and more fallible moral universe, TGK shifts the blame for Gawain’s adventure and ultimate fate from Morgan to Gawain himself. Likewise, Guinevere is not the passive recipient of an evil deception but in a way, the catalyst for the whole thing. She breaks the seal on the Green Knight’s message with a weighty snap; she becomes the oracle who reads it out, she is alarming rather than alarmed, she disrupts the complacency of the court and silently shows up all the other knights who refuse to step forward and answer the Green Knight’s challenge. Gawain is not given the ontological reassurance that it’s just a practical joke and he’s going to be fine (and thanks to the unresolved ending, neither are we). The film instead takes the concept at face value in order to push the envelope and ask the simple question: if a man was going to be actually-for-real beheaded in a year, why would he set out on a suicidal quest? Would you, in Gawain’s place, make the same decision to cast aside the enchanted belt and accept your fate? Has he made his name, will he be remembered well? What is his legacy?

Indeed, if there is any hint of feminine connivance and manipulation, it arrives in the form of the implication that Gawain’s mother has deliberately summoned the Green Knight to test her son, prove his worth, and position him as his childless uncle’s heir; she gives him the protective belt to make sure he won’t actually die, and her intention all along was for the future shown in the epilogue to truly play out (minus the collapse of Camelot). Only Gawain loses the belt thanks to his cowardice in the encounter with the scavengers, regains it in a somewhat underhanded and morally questionable way when the Lady is attempting to seduce him, and by ultimately rejecting it altogether and submitting to his uncertain fate, totally mucks up his mother’s painstaking dynastic plans for his future. In this reading, Gawain could be king, and his mother’s efforts are meant to achieve that goal, rather than thwart it. He is thus required to shoulder his own responsibility for this outcome, rather than conveniently pawning it off on an “evil woman,” and by extension, the film asks the question: What would the world be like if men, especially those who make war on others as a way of life, were actually forced to face the consequences of their reckless and violent actions? Is it actually a “game” in any sense of the word, especially when chivalric literature is constantly preoccupied with the question of how much glorious violence is too much glorious violence? If you structure social prestige for the king and the noble male elite entirely around winning battles and existing in a state of perpetual war, when does that begin to backfire and devour the knightly class – and the rest of society – instead?

This leads into the central theme of Gawain’s relationships with the Lord and Lady, and how they’re treated in the film. The poem has been repeatedly studied in terms of its latent (and sometimes… less than latent) queer subtext: when the Lord asks Gawain to pay back to him whatever he should receive from his wife, does he already know what this involves; i.e. a physical and romantic encounter? When the Lady gives kisses to Gawain, which he is then obliged to return to the Lord as a condition of the agreement, is this all part of a dastardly plot to seduce him into a kinky green-themed threesome with a probably-not-human married couple looking to spice up their sex life? Why do we read the Lady’s kisses to Gawain as romantic but Gawain’s kisses to the Lord as filial, fraternal, or the standard “kiss of peace” exchanged between a liege lord and his vassal? Is Gawain simply being a dutiful guest by honoring the bargain with his host, actually just kissing the Lady again via the proxy of her husband, or somewhat more into this whole thing with the Lord than he (or the poet) would like to admit? Is the homosocial turning homoerotic, and how is Gawain going to navigate this tension and temptation?

If the question is never resolved: well, welcome to one of the central medieval anxieties about chivalry, knighthood, and male bonds! As I have written about before, medieval society needed to simultaneously exalt this as the most honored and noble form of love, and make sure it didn’t accidentally turn sexual (once again: how much male love is too much male love?). Does the poem raise the possibility of serious disruption to the dominant heteronormative paradigm, only to solve the problem by interpreting the Gawain/Lady male/female kisses as romantic and sexual and the Gawain/Lord male/male kisses as chaste and formal? In other words, acknowledging the underlying anxiety of possible homoeroticism but ultimately reasserting the heterosexual norm? The answer: Probably?!?! Maybe?!?! Hell if we know??! To say the least, this has been argued over to no end, and if you locked a lot of medieval history/literature scholars into a room and told them that they couldn’t come out until they decided on one clear answer, they would be in there for a very long time. The poem seemingly invokes the possibility of a queer reading only to reject it – but once again, as in the question of which canon we end up in at the film’s end, does it?

In some lights, the film’s treatment of this potential queer reading comes off like a cop-out: there is only one kiss between Gawain and the Lord, and it is something that the Lord has to initiate after Gawain has already fled the hall. Gawain himself appears to reject it; he tells the Lord to let go of him and runs off into the wilderness, rather than deal with or accept whatever has been suggested to him. However, this fits with film!Gawain’s pattern of rejecting that which fundamentally makes him who he is; like Peter in the Bible, he has now denied the truth three times. With the scavengers he denies being a knight; with the Lady he denies knowing about courtly love; with the Lord he denies the central bond of brotherhood with his fellows, whether homosocial or homoerotic in nature. I would go so far as to argue that if Gawain does die at the end of the film, it is this rejected kiss which truly seals his fate. In the poem, the Lord and the Green Knight are revealed to be the same person; in the film, it’s not clear if that’s the case, or they are separate characters, even if thematically interrelated. If we assume, however, that the Lord is in fact still the human form of the Green Knight, then Gawain has rejected both his kiss of peace (the standard gesture of protection offered from lord to vassal) and any deeper emotional bond that it can be read to signify. The Green Knight could decide to spare Gawain in recognition of the courage he has shown in relinquishing the enchanted belt – or he could just as easily decide to kill him, which he is legally free to do since Gawain has symbolically rejected the offer of brotherhood, vassalage, or knight-bonding by his unwise denial of the Lord’s freely given kiss. Once again, the film raises the overall thematic and moral question and then doesn’t give one straight (ahem) answer. As with the medieval anxieties and chivalric texts that it is based on, it invokes the specter of queerness and then doesn’t neatly resolve it. As a modern audience, we find this unsatisfying, but once again, the film is refusing to conform to our expectations.

As has been said before, there is so much kissing between men in medieval contexts, both ceremonial and otherwise, that we’re left to wonder: “is it gay or is it feudalism?” Is there an overtly erotic element in Gawain and the Green Knight’s mutual “beheading” of each other (especially since in the original version, this frees the Lord from his curse, functioning like a true love’s kiss in a fairytale). While it is certainly possible to argue that the film has “straightwashed” its subject material by removing the entire sequence of kisses between Gawain and the Lord and the unresolved motives for their existence, it is a fairly accurate, if condensed, representation of the anxieties around medieval knightly bonds and whether, as Carolyn Dinshaw put it, a (male/male) “kiss is just a kiss.” After all, the kiss between Gawain and the Lady is uncomplicatedly read as sexual/romantic, and that context doesn’t go away when Gawain is kissing the Lord instead. Just as with its multiple futurities, the film leaves the question open-ended. Is it that third and final denial that seals Gawain’s fate, and if so, is it asking us to reflect on why, specifically, he does so?

The film could play with both this question and its overall tone quite a bit more: it sometimes comes off as a grim, wooden, over-directed Shakespearean tragedy, rather than incorporating the lively and irreverent tone that the poem often takes. It’s almost totally devoid of humor, which is unfortunate, and the Grim Middle Ages aesthetic is in definite evidence. Nonetheless, because of the comprehensive de-historicizing and the obvious lack of effort to claim the film as any sort of authentic representation of the medieval past, it works. We are not meant to understand this as a historical document, and so we have to treat it on its terms, by its own logic, and by its own frames of reference. In some ways, its consistent opacity and its refusal to abide by modern rules and common narrative conventions is deliberately meant to challenge us: as before, when we recognize Arthur, Merlin, the Round Table, and the other stock characters because we know them already and not because the film tells us so, we have to fill in the gaps ourselves. We are watching the film not because it tells us a simple adventure story – there is, as noted, shockingly little action overall – but because we have to piece together the metatext independently and ponder the philosophical questions that it leaves us with. What conclusion do we reach? What canon do we settle in? What future or resolution is ultimately made real? That, the film says, it can’t decide for us. As ever, it is up to future generations to carry on the story, and decide how, if at all, it is going to survive.

(And to close, I desperately want them to make my much-coveted Bisclavret adaptation now in more or less the same style, albeit with some tweaks. Please.)

Further Reading

Ailes, Marianne J. ‘The Medieval Male Couple and the Language of Homosociality’, in Masculinity in Medieval Europe, ed. by Dawn M. Hadley (Harlow: Longman, 1999), pp. 214–37.

Ashton, Gail. ‘The Perverse Dynamics of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight’, Arthuriana 15 (2005), 51–74.

Boyd, David L. ‘Sodomy, Misogyny, and Displacement: Occluding Queer Desire in Sir Gawain and the Green Knight’, Arthuriana 8 (1998), 77–113.

Busse, Peter. ‘The Poet as Spouse of his Patron: Homoerotic Love in Medieval Welsh and Irish Poetry?’, Studi Celtici 2 (2003), 175–92.

Dinshaw, Carolyn. ‘A Kiss Is Just a Kiss: Heterosexuality and Its Consolations in Sir Gawain and the Green Knight’, Diacritics 24 (1994), 205–226.

Kocher, Suzanne. ‘Gay Knights in Medieval French Fiction: Constructs of Queerness and Non-Transgression’, Mediaevalia 29 (2008), 51–66.

Karras, Ruth Mazo. ‘Knighthood, Compulsory Heterosexuality, and Sodomy’ in The Boswell Thesis: Essays on Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality, ed. Matthew Kuefler (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2006), pp. 273–86.

Kuefler, Matthew. ‘Male Friendship and the Suspicion of Sodomy in Twelfth-Century France’, in The Boswell Thesis: Essays on Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality, ed. Matthew Kuefler (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2006), pp. 179–214.

McVitty, E. Amanda, ‘False Knights and True Men: Contesting Chivalric Masculinity in English Treason Trials, 1388–1415,’ Journal of Medieval History 40 (2014), 458–77.

Mieszkowski, Gretchen. ‘The Prose Lancelot's Galehot, Malory's Lavain, and the Queering of Late Medieval Literature’, Arthuriana 5 (1995), 21–51.

Moss, Rachel E. ‘ “And much more I am soryat for my good knyghts’ ”: Fainting, Homosociality, and Elite Male Culture in Middle English Romance’, Historical Reflections / Réflexions historiques 42 (2016), 101–13.

Zeikowitz, Richard E. ‘Befriending the Medieval Queer: A Pedagogy for Literature Classes’, College English 65 (2002), 67–80.

[coping-skills]

ABC PLEASE skills

For increasing positive emotions and reducing emotional vulnerability

A. Accumulate positive experiences

Do more things you enjoy and participate fully in the activity

Don’t let negative thoughts intrude (like how the activity/emotion will end, or whether you think you deserve the positive), ignore them and just be in the moment.

Make plans and set goals for more positive experiences in the future (one goal at a time in small achievable steps so you make sure you get there)

Try making a list of enjoyable activities for future reference.

B. Build Mastery

Do something everyday that makes you feel competent and in control. Challenge yourself a little bit more as you go to increase your skills. Make it difficult but still possible.

Can be long term skills (like learning a language, playing an instrument, or crocheting) or short-term projects (building or remodeling something, teaching a pet a new trick).

If you can find something that combines the two even better. Like I use crochet. Learning stitches and techniques are long term skills that get easier/better the more you practice and you create things which are short term projects. Some other examples that combine both are art of any kind, carpentry, dance of any kind, any type of yoga or martial arts, writing, etc.

C. Cope Ahead

Plan ahead for emotional situations. Think about what skills will be most helpful and what you may need to bring with you. Rehearse difficult conversations in advance, crafting possible responses, planning how to react the the emotions that may arise.

Pl- treat physical illness

Treat and prevent illness by taking care of your body’s needs. This includes washing your hands to fight of germs and bacterias, staying hydrated, shower, brush your teeth, and so much more.

E- eat regular healthy balanced meals. for some that 3 square meals a day for others 5 smaller meals, with a balance of the different food groups. (Fun fact 3 square meals a day simply mean a satisfying meal with enough to eat). Avoid excess sugar and processed foods as they slow your body down because they are harder to process.

A- avoid mood-altering substances and negative influences. Mood altering substances can cause a short term high, but case many problems in the long term and can impair your bodies ability to produce its own happy chemicals. And negative influences will decrease your mood.

S- sleep the recommended amount for your age group. Keep you sleep area clean and calm to allow for optimal rest. Darkness and a cooler temperature are recommended for more restful sleep.

E- exercise to improve health and mood (endorphins are released during exercise which improves your mood). Anything from walking or yoga to martial arts or cardio, just get your body moving.

[beauty-and-passion]

Time to talk about the flower shirt

You read the title. Time to talk about this.

This is the infamous flower shirt Thomas put on in his store and, since the fandom is the fandom, everyone started to speculate about those flowers.

At first, I didn’t want to do it. They’re just flowers and other people already talked about them, so what could I possibly add to the conversation?

But while I was writing about Orange, I had to talk a moment about the orange flower. It was supposed to be a small parenthesis, just a couple of words about that.

But then I looked at the other flowers and what other people told/not told about them and how some didn’t find Patton’s flower... so here I am, adding my two cents to this theme.

You needed it? Probably not. Well, I’m writing it anyway.

So let’s take a closer look at those flowers and see each one in detail:

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Roman: Red rose

Should I really explain why it’s perfect for Roman? Red roses are the universal symbol of love. Basically in all cultures red roses symbolize passion, true love, romance and desire. Also, according to this website, even the shade has a meaning! In fact, the deeper the red shade is, the stronger is the passion.

And even the number of red roses has a meaning! In this case, we have only one single red rose and that "represents love at first sight, or if it’s coming from a long-term partner, they are saying “you are still the one”.”

You know what that made me think? About Thomas telling Roman “You’re my hero”. A perfect symbol that he was “still the one” for Thomas.

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Orange: Lantana camara

This is an incredibly peculiar flower.

Lantana Camara symbolizes severity and rigour. And this alone can be analyzed in all possible ways, but there are other interesting details about this plant I think it's worth mentioning.

Lantana is toxic for livestock, such as cattle, sheep, horses, dogs and goats. According to Wikipedia, previous studies suggested it could be toxic for humans too, especially the green unripe berries. However "other studies have found evidence which suggests that its fruit poses no risk to humans".

Lantana is a freaking invasive plant. In some areas, it's so predominant, to reduce biodiversity, because its presence "can significantly slow down the regeneration of forests, by preventing the growth of new trees". Also, as if this isn't enough, this plant can also produce toxic chemicals which inhibit other plant species.

Lantana has also a great adaptability, that helped it to be so invasive: it can live in a wide range of different environmental conditions, it can survive long periods without water, heck it's even resistant to fire. It's not a plant you can underestimate. Like Orange, I assume.

But Lantana isn't just an invasive plant. Lantana has always been used for medical purposes, because it showed good antimicrobial, fungicidal and insecticidal properties and its extract helps against respiratory infections and ulcers.

Also, since it doesn't have many pests or diseases, lantana became a common ornamental plant. It even attracts butterflies!

In other words: isn't that the perfect plant to symbolize the double nature of a dark side? It can be a threat, change the environment, destroy and even kill. But it can also be a medicine, something useful, something beautiful.

Whoever Orange is, Lantana camara tells us that, whithout a doubt, he’s a dark side.

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Janus: Sunflower

Do you think Janus isn't perfect enough as he is? Do you think there's not enough husband material in the snek?

Well, you’re wrong and the sunflower is here to prove it.

Sunflower symbolizes loyalty, adoration, longevity, vitality, worship. Now add this up to the sunflower’s behaviour and how it follows the sun... and you’ll get Janus. Janus literally acts like a sunflower: Thomas is his sun and everything Janus does is for him. His whole existence is centered around Thomas.

But we already knew that, because it's the same message that shone through his playlist. Everything about Janus tells us how much he adores Thomas, from his canonical behavior in the series, to his playlist, to this flower.

Oh, do you need another proof that this is flower is perfect for Janus? Some societies use sunflowers as religious symbols. Ah, some good ol' reference to religion: it’s like being in his playlist all over again.

And, of course, sunflowers are used for a variety of reasons, like cooking oils, skin care and so on. Even the flower says self care.

This man is perfect.

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Remus: Green chrysanthemum

Here's another interesting flower.

Chrysanthemum symbolizes death and it’s the typical flower used for funerals. And I thought this was its universal meaning. It was perfect for Remus just like that.

But then I found out that Europeans use chrysanthemums for funerals and to honor the dead. This flower actually has a whole lot of meanings, some completely different from this.

In China, for example, chrysanthemums are associated with wealth, prosperity and long life. Also they're symbols of new life and reincarnations, so they're the perfect gift for old people or newborns.

While in Japan chrysanthemums are symbols of power and royalty. And that's even more fitting for Remus, because he's a Duke, so he is royalty.

But chrysanthemum also symbolizes friendship - and not just "a friendship", but a meaningful one. It's a symbol of loyalty, devotion, romantic/platonic love and, in general, positive energy. It's a flower with an incredibly strong meaning, so it can't be given too lightly.

And this makes it even more perfect for Remus. It's a flower with a huge plurality of meanings, it's both associated with life and death, it's powerful and it's royalty.

Also, you can eat it. Isn't that the perfect Remus flower?

(On a side note: please notice how chrysanthemums and sunflowers are both associated with joy, loyalty and devotion. I would have never considered "joy" a common trait between Janus and Remus while loyalty and devotion... well, they both care about Thomas and his career and they both work for him despite not being accepted, so I can see why those are common traits.)

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Patton: Nemophila

Surprise surprise, this flower wasn't easy to find. I’ve never heard of it, so I had to search among endless lists of blue flowers, hoping to find one that would perfectly match the one on the shirt.

And that’s how I found nemophila.

First of all: nemophila is also known as "Baby Blue Eyes" and it's an extremely rare color to find in nature. It’s very famous in Japan, thanks to the Hitachi Seaside Park. Open this link: it’s a literal sea of blue and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Of course, it attracts people every year.

Nemophila represents prosperity, congratulations on success and victory. Not the first things you would associate with Patton, right?

Well, while I was searching more informations about this flower, I found out this website about the essence of Baby Blue Eyes and the passage I quoted down below has the exact same words you can find on that link:

With its pronounced affinity for water, the Baby Blue Eyes flower essences addresses qualities of tender sensitivity, innocence and trust associated one’s early childhood relationship to the father, or other significant masculine figures that are in some way disturbed.

Very often the father was absent, or there was a lack of support or genuine presence. The Baby Blue Eyes type attempts over time to cover this wound of vulnerability with a false “hardening,” such as emotional distancing, mistrust, cynicism or spiritual alienation. It is a flower that can be equally helpful for men or women, although it is especially needed for many men who struggle to become strong, by disowning their pain.

So nemophilia’s essence has qualities associated with childhood, to the father figure and attempts to “repress” and hide emotions.

That’s Patton. That’s him, period. The childhood-related emotions, that are linked to Patton’s longing for “a simpler time”. The mentions of a father figure - who migh be absent or showing lack of support (like, idk, suggesting you should die so your friends live?). And the attempt to “cover the vulnerability” doesn’t remind you anything? Like the Nostalgia episodes?

This flower is Patton.

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Logan: Blue petunia

I would like to say, from the bottom of my heart, a huge "FUCK YOU" to this flower, because I spent TWO DAYS searching all the blue flowers in the world and all possible variants, asking myself why this goddamn flower looked so familiar and why it was so hard to find. Blue isn't even a common color in nature, so why couldn't I find it?

I've learned more about blue flowers in these two days than in my entire life. I've searched among flowers I never saw before, like glandora diffusa, leschenaultia and omphalodes verna. I was so desperate to consider this flower a new species, with the petals of a bellflower and the corolla of a morning glory. I even found a goddamn chinese variant of the morning glory that was somehow similar but not that much and why, WHY this was so hard to find?!

And then, after two days and a lot more desperation, I remembered: my dear friend @reptilianwithscallions​ told me about a post they made, regarding this shirt and the flowers. Maybe they had some idea about Logan's flower?

Well, let's all thank my saviour and this post, because otherwise I would've kept searching until the end of my days.

Long story short, Logan's flower is a fucking blue petunia.

And it's a very peculiar choice, because petunias have multiple meanings, several of which can be contradictory.

In general, petunia symbolizes anger and resentment. It reminds someone that you're still angry or disappointed by their actions and you haven’t gotten over the things that caused these feelings.

Oh my, I didn't know we were back in Logan's playlist. It's basically what he kept expressing towards Thomas with his songs: that he was angry at Thomas for his decision, that he doesn't approve that Thomas hasn't "a real job" and so on. Petunia is a flower that screams passive-aggressive, so it's perfect for Logan.

But petunia's meaning deeply changes, depending on the color of the flower. And while petunia in general symbolizes anger, a blue petunia is a symbol of peacefulness, intimacy and deep trust, shared between two or more people. It's so wholesome, because the deep trust reminds me - again - of Logan's playlist and how it ended: no matter what, he and Thomas are always best friends.

Also, petunia flowers have even a secret meaning behind. Since they’re also gifted to new neighbors or to people who have just moved into a new home, they represent a perfect welcome and a way to express affection and kindness to others.

You’re lucky to be so wholesome, you tricky flower.

__________________________________

Virgil: Perennial Geranium

Geranium is a confused flower.

Some of the other flowers have conflicted meanings, but not as much as this flower. These are the most common meanings I found:

Folly or Stupidity

Gentility and kind nature

Clever minds

Ingenuity

Melancholy

Perfect gift for a bride

You can gift it to someone with whom you have planned a meeting 

You can gift it to someone with whom you haven't planned a meeting, just to make them feel welcomed

True Friendship

See? It’s confused.

Aside from jokes, this variety of meanings is due to its great diffusion: since geraniums grow everywhere, every culture gave them a different meaning. And sometimes these meanings depend on the situation too.

Awww, isn't it perfect for Virgil? He can be good and bad at the same time. Anxiety can be bad for Thomas and detrimental for his life, but it can also be the alarm Thomas needs. It depends on the situation.

And, just like geraniums in general symbolize positive emotions, happiness and friendship, so Virgil is in general a good guy. All he does is for Thomas' wellbeing, not against him.

And this is confirmed by the vast use of geranium's essential oil. It's one of the most popular and it has a ton of properties: anti-viral, anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory, anti-depressant, decongestant, relaxing and so on. Just like our Virge boy can be incredibly useful under the right circumstances. (Did someone say "Flirting with social Anxiety"?)

Also, geraniums are simple, humble flowers that usually grow outside, but then we take them and make them part of our homes. Once again, it’s Virgil: he's an outsider, he's humble, he talks bad about himself - but Thomas and the others took him and made him part of the famILY anyway.

__________________________________

Thomas: Cherry blossom

I searched this flower everywhere and the only one that looks like the one on the shirt is the cherry blossom. Why did Thomas make a cherry blossom with eight petals, when they all have five? I have no idea. Is this a different flower, maybe? Maybe, but I’m done: I've looked at enough flowers and I don’t have any strength left.

As you probably already know, cherry blossoms are extremely important in Japan. They're beautiful, they're everywhere and they're meaningful.

Why? Because cherry blossoms are considered the perfect metaphor for human existence. When they blossom it's a pink ocean, a party, people go to admire them - but they’re short lived, because in two weeks, the blossoms start to fall. It's just like human life: a small, rich, glorious parenthesis in the void. Something little and precious that ends soon.

But cherry blossoms also symbolize rebirth, optimism, hopes and dreams. When they bloom, it means springtime is coming and spring has always been associated with renewal.

That’s a very good choice for character Thomas. He’s basically a cherry blossom, the whole series is: something that reminds us how beautiful life is, how multi-faceted, how important. Just like Thomas' single being encompasses seven different sides of himself, so life presents a wide range of choices, of aspects, of flavours. All beautiful, all worthy of appreciation, no matter how different they can be from you and your experience.

And this becomes even more important, in relation to the passage of time and the transience of life. Because life is short and, after that, there won't be any more time to appreciate anything.

In addition to that, I would like to point out how the theme of passage of time is something we already saw in the series. And not just one time, but several. Since the first season, we have episodes all around the concept of growing up, growing old, not being a child anymore, becoming an adult. And the last Aside keeps going in this direction. It's clear this is a big theme and its connection with the cherry blossoms proves it.

But why is the flower so different on the shirt? Because Thomas wanted to mess up with us? Probably. Almost certainly. Once again, thank you Mr. Sanders for making me question everything.

The floor is (figuratively) yours now: if you have any other information, thoughts or opinions, feel free to share them.

_______________________________

TAGLIST:

@willpowerwisps @royalprinceroman @reesiereads @mudpuddlenl @shelby-711 @allmycrushesaredead @aquatedia @sweetkirbi @whatishappeningrightnow  @effortiswhatmatters  @atlasistryingherbest @bella-in-a-bag  @doydoune  @miasheer  @forever-third-wheeling @mishanthropist  @corndot @payte @mcang3l  @geekyapollokid  @kawaiipotatuh  @hypnossanders  @idontreallyknow24  @imcrushedbyarainbow  @simplyapannightmare  @patton-cake

@riseofthewerewolf @frog-candy-bee @bosspotato01  @rosesandlove44 @methaley @sololad  @firey-alex  @sashootkahoot​ @chewy-rubies @groaaaaan  @croftergamer​ @misty-the-girlflux-mess​  @thedevilseyes​  @arya-skywalker​  @csi-baker-street-babes​ @queen-of-all-things-snuggly

@virgildarknessdementiaravenway​ @mishanthropist​  @dracayd-universe​  @unknown-artworks​   @lonelyfangirl453​  @starlightnyx​ @alienvamp-hesitantflowerface​ @stubbornness-and-spite​  @alittletoo-extra​ @averykedavra  @iloveeverytjing123 @bookedforevermore @joyrose-fandomer @anachronismes @the-cloud-14  @mihaela-tbg @igonnatalknothing

@thatoneloudowl​  @grayson-22​  @softangryfuckingdepressed​ @theotherella​  @boopypasta​ @nevenastark​ @varthandi @floofyconfusednerd @nothing-worth-mentioning @mikalya12 @roses-bubbles @cuter-on-the-inside  @coldbookworm  @orchidstanslogan  @snixxxsmythe  @frog-candy-bee  @holleratyour-buoyancy @alexowlndra  @fadingbagelbananapatrol  @our-bloody-mari666  @cxsmospooks @we-need-more-empathy  @riverraysong

[goldenhypen]

⋅— part 1 || PART 2 || part 3 —⋅

「 just for reference, the notes in small font, are just little additional thoughts from me. the text in pink and italics marks the start of a new question. 」

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

preferred pairing(s)?

in short, the “other” answers were as follows...

non!idol x reader — 2 votes

idol x oc — 1 vote

idol x idol!reader — 1 vote

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

preferred fic length(s) in terms of words?

heh and then there’s me who’s only been able to come out with blurbs recently due to lack of inspiration ahaha 💀

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

do you prefer when a long fic is split into multiple chapters (a series)?

the “other” answers were as follows...

i belive each writer should write as much as they want, you guys have an amazing creativity so i don't have any preference.

either, i’m honestly fine with all. as long as the chapters are cut off and separated well then it doesn't matter.

writing wise, chaptered fics!! reading... if it's within 4k i’d read long fics but even longer... i’d prefer series!

unless it’s like over 30k i prefer it to be in one, i forget what happens or that i was reading it if it’s released separately.

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

and do you prefer reading a series over fics in general?

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

do you prefer reading smaus over written fics?

the “other” answers were as follows…

both — 3 votes

i think smaus + some written fics are just right ☺❤❗

usually it's smaus but some parts can be written. i feel wholly written fics are kind of draining dkkdomsad idk

please don’t at all let this stop you from writing smaus! so many people love reading smaus, and they’re super popular. if you have fun creating them, by all means do!

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

do you feel lazy to finish reading smaus if there are a lot of written parts?

the “other” answers were as follows…

i don’t like/read smaus — 2 votes

well, long smaus can really be exhausting to read especially if the plot is not progressing. so i'd say this depends for me. also i tend to skip a couple chapters in between if i know the direction the plot is progressing in. so in short, i won't say i feel lazy but i don’t feel excited either unless we're talking about something that has my attention from the very first chapter.

honestly, not really? i only lose interest if we have very serious back to back writing parts. but if there's some fun content in between, it's great!

it’s not laziness, it’s more i struggle to pay attention when it’s written.

sometimes i do feel lazy but i’ll always continue to read it when i’m in the mood.

i hardly read smaus even if there are written parts.

depends on if there's no note or warning that there's a written part cuz I would accidentally skip over them cuz I didn't know there was a written part.

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

what time(s) of the day do you most often read?

i thought this was helpful to include in the survey, because i always struggle to figure out when i should have my works posted in order to get the most exposure possible. but when considering this, remember to pay attention to time zones, too, which you can find after the next question.

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

what day(s) of the week do you most often read?

to go along with the previous question, i think this is helpful to know when to post to get the most exposure on your work.

— ⋅⬖⋅ —

what time zone are you located in?

i’m not going to bother including a picture because there were just so many time zones i didn’t include. so here’s a summary (results are listed from most to least popular)…

gmt/utc — 32 votes

est (gmt-5)/edt (gmt-4) — 29 votes

pht/myt/hkt/wita/sgt (gmt+8) — 22 votes

cet (gmt+1)/cest (gmt+2) — 18 votes

pst (gmt-8)/pdt (gmt-7) — 17 votes

cst (gmt-6)/cdt (gmt-5) — 16 votes

ist (gmt+5:30) — 12 votes

kst (gmt+9) — 5 votes

aest (gmt+10)/aedt (gmt+11) — 5 votes

mst (gmt-7)/mdt (gmt-6) — 3 votes

wib/ict (gmt+7) — 3 votes

ast (gmt+3) — 2 vote

brt (gmt-3) — 1 vote

wat (gmt+1) — 1 vote

sast (gmt+2) — 1 vote

gmt+3/+4 — 1 vote

get (gmt+4) — 1 vote

pakistan time (gmt+5) — 1 vote

idn (gmt+9) — 1 vote

nzst/nzdt (gmt+13) — 1 vote

⋅— PART 1 || PART 3 —⋅

a/n. it would be great if you could help spread the word to other engene writers by reblogging so that they could gain access to this information, too! thank you ^_^

[duckprintspress]

What is an Alpha Reader?

Stories don’t exist without writers - that much is a given. But the best stories are never a solo effort, even if they have only a single author. Other people will contribute, in big ways and small, and potentially fill many roles to help the author see the work through to completion. Three of the most prominent of these roles are:

Alpha readers

Editors

Beta readers

Each does something different, but often in fandom-based writing spaces they’re used interchangeably in ways that can lead to confusion and a mismatch of expectation and performance between the author and the person helping them. As such, Duck Prints Press will be doing a series of three posts over the next few weeks that discusses each of these roles in detail. The purpose of these posts is

to provide a definition of each role (alpha, editor, and beta)

list examples of services a person in each role might provide for an author, 

provide insight into some appropriate ways for an author to interact with their helper, and

to suggest some points that an author and their selected feedback provider should discuss before the alpha/editor/beta begins work, to ensure that both individuals have a positive experience and that the helper is providing the kind of information that the author is seeking.

Two things of note before we proceed:

There is no single definition of these terms. We’re not claiming to be an authority or to say, “these are the correct definitions and all others are invalid.” Instead, our goal with these posts is to provide a common framework to help authors and individuals interested in helping them communicate about the nature of the roles to be undertaken, and to give information to help both writers and people who want to help writers understand what help is desired and how they can support each other.

If an author hasn’t said “I’m looking for an alpha/editor/beta,” then it doesn’t matter what form of feedback you provide - unsolicited alphaing, editing or betaing is generally unwelcome and often unhelpful. Yes, some authors DO like and appreciate it. However, most don’t. Never use these posts as, “now that I know what alphaing is, I’ve read your story and now I’m alphaing for you!” That’s not how this works. Alphaing, betaing, and editing are always collaborative, undertaken between an author and feedback provider that they’ve entrusted to help them. If you’d like to give feedback to an author about something of theirs you’ve read...ask them if they want it! And respect their response! It’s really, truly that simple.

What is an Alpha Reader?

Alpha readers are generally one of the first “outsiders” brought in to support an author, and, depending on how the author approaches their process, may be sought before the story has been written. The primary roles of an alpha reader are to brainstorm with an author, flesh out the plot, fill plot holes, solve conundrums and issues that arise, and help the author get their vision of the story put down in concrete words. Alpha readers may be recruited short term, to help an author work through a specific issue, or they may accompany the author from conceptual inception through the entire first draft or beyond - some may even end up credited as co-authors, depending on how many ideas they end up contributing! In fandom spaces especially, alphas are often described as cheerleaders, and in many cases, they are explicitly asked not to provide extensive criticism and editing - alphas work with the understanding that they have been brought in to help an author complete a first draft, and so the issues they help with are those more relevant to a work at an early stage of development.

Many people short-hand alphas by jokingly refer to them as “rubber duck debuggers,” inspired by the habit many computer programmers have of talking out a problem to an inanimate object until they figure out the solution. The idea is that alpha readers often don’t have to do anything - they just have to listen to the author until the author figures out the solution themselves! Sometimes, that’s truly all that an alpha will need to do, but don’t assume that’s all an alpha will do, and don’t play down the critical role that many alphas have played in the development of stories by giving timely, insightful feedback. An alpha can be invaluable in solving issues, seeing through thorny challenges, resolving points of uncertainty and confusion, and providing the author with the motivation, support and encouragement they need to see a first draft through to the end. Alphas are great, and are definitely not interchangeable with a rubber duck (however much we at Duck Prints Press love our rubber ducks).

Services/Responsibilities/Activities Associated with Alpha Reading:

Meet with the author to establish the scope of help the author would like. This post includes a thorough list of tasks often undertaken by an alpha reader, but it’s unlikely that an alpha reader will do all of these tasks. 

Listen to and incorporate world building and character information provided by the author, and work to provide feedback that fits with what they’ve established.

Read an author’s notes or outlines to get a general idea of what the author is trying to accomplish

Discuss story elements with the author to whatever degree of detail and specificity the author requests.

Offer insight and ideas to help solve problems that the author approaches you about, within the scope of what the author has said they’re willing to change or modify about their story.

Cheerlead, praise, and support the author as they write their first draft.

Indicate sentences, passages, and/or chapters that work especially well, and those that lacked adequate explication for the alpha to understand what took place.

Point out issues with representation, areas where the author might need to do more research, use of racist or sexist tropes, and other aspects of the story that may be problematic. (Please remember to be careful of the difference between “this story contains problematic elements” and “this author is problematic.” Many authors intentionally playing with these elements. Also remember that alphas are not the same as sensitivity readers!)

Make sure to offer feedback on what is good and what you like!!

If given a full first draft manuscript to review, post-reading you may be given a list of questions the author would like you to answer, indicating specific areas that the author would like more information about and/or help with.

Very rarely, an author may ask for an alpha to edit for grammar, structure, word choice, and other technical elements. However, in “standard” definitions of alpha reading, these roles would be excluded.

Be honest and objective! Don’t say something is good if you don’t think it is, and don’t say something is bad just because you didn’t like it.

Understand that an author is never obligated to take an alpha’s advice!

Services/Responsibilities/Activities Associated with being an Author Working with an Alpha Reader:

Have a clear idea of what an alpha reader will be asked to do before recruiting one - ideally, any request for an alpha should include this information! Don’t just say, “I’m looking for an alpha reader” and assume that anyone who responds will understand that to mean the same thing as you do. Instead, say, “I’m looking for an alpha reader to help me with…” and indicate the specific area(s) that you’re requesting support for.

Don’t ask for feedback if you’re not prepared to be given feedback. Understand that requesting an alpha may mean opening yourself up to criticism; never forget that you invited them, so respect them and appreciate them. Don’t ask someone to alpha for you if you don’t respect their opinions and assessments.

Communicate your expectations and needs clearly.

Listen to the alpha reader and take their advice under consideration.

Indicate when you’ve reached a decision, so the alpha reader doesn’t continue to focus on a point that has been resolved.

Be kind and polite, even if ultimately you reject the alpha’s recommendations.

Ask clear questions directly related to what you’re trying to find out about what works and doesn’t work in your manuscript. Don’t try to be vague or passive to try to “get at” if something worked; it’s better to be honest and straightforward.

Employ multiple alphas to get different viewpoints.

Do not take criticism of the work as criticism of you as an author and person.

Respect the alpha reader’s boundaries.

Understand that the alpha is never required to agree with you, and may ultimately dislike your work.

Communication is critical! If both parties aren’t clear about their expectations and responsibilities, how can they effectively work together? It’s also critical to set and maintain boundaries. An alpha doesn’t agree to be “on call” 24/7. An author doesn’t agree to hear endless criticism of their ideas. An alpha should never be subjected to material that they’ve indicated may trigger them. An author should never be subjected to an alpha harping on a pet idea that the author has already indicated they don’t wish to use. If the relationship isn’t working for both individuals, it should be terminated. Furthermore, just because the relationship doesn’t work, that doesn’t mean either individual is “bad” at fulfilling their role; often, it’s simply a mismatch in communication and work styles. And that’s okay! Don’t bad mouth someone you failed to work effectively with...but also, don’t feel you need to keep working with them!

Suggested Questions an Alpha Reader and Author Should Discuss Before Working Together:

Not all of these will be relevant to every author/alpha relationship, but they’re worth being aware of!

Will the alpha reader be paid for their help? This is generally not relevant in fan spaces, but may be if the alpha is working on an original work destined for publication.

Will the alpha reader be credited when the final product is made public?

Will the alpha reader be expected to keep silent about what they’ve read, or perhaps even sign a Non-Disclosure agreement or other form of contract?

When is the alpha usually available? When is the author usually available? Will meetings be held regularly on a schedule, as-needed, or elsewise?

What software and/or accounts will the alpha be expected to use? For example: a specific word program, a gmail account, Discord, etc.

How will the author and alpha communicate primarily? For example, by chat program, by e-mail, by telephone, etc.

Is the alpha required to be familiar with other works in the author’s oeuvre?

Is there any potentially triggering material in the work that the alpha should be made aware of?

Does the alpha have any unusual triggers or squicks that the author should be aware of?

At what stage of the project is the alpha reader being invited in - conceptualization? Writing? Completed first draft?

What specific aspect(s) of the book is the author looking for feedback on? The plot? The characters? The pacing? If a specific line landed as intended? Is the dialog catchy? Is the world-building thorough? 

Will the alpha reader be providing long-term help (eg, for the entire time an author is writing the first draft of a novel) or short-term help (eg, an author has gotten stuck at a specific point and wants to discuss only  that with someone else)?

Is the author looking for someone to primarily listen to them and let them work it out on their own?

What are the main themes/tropes/elements/etc. the author hopes to communicate? It’s often best to discuss this after the alpha has read the work, so the author can see if they’ve succeeded, but it depends on when in the process the alpha has been brought on. If the alpha is helping develop plot and concept, it will be important for the alpha to understand upfront what the author is trying to accomplish.

Is the alpha familiar with areas relevant to what the author is writing? For example, if the story is fanfiction, is the alpha familiar with the franchise? If the story is in a specific genre, is the alpha acquainted with the tropes of that genre? If the story is in a specific setting - especially if it’s a setting with a high degree of technical specificity - is the alpha able to offer insight and knowledge to support accurately portraying that setting?

Does the author want criticism at this stage? (Usually, inviting an alpha implies the answer to this is yes, but don’t assume!)

Does the author want editing done? (Usually, inviting an alpha implies the answer to this is no, but don’t assume!)

Are there aspects of the story the author feels are “set in stone?” Are there aspects the author doesn’t mind changing, or would even prefer to change?

Is the alpha welcome to provide suggestions for developments outside the framework of storyline and world building provided by the author? For example, would the author be open to having the alpha say, “maybe you should create a new character to fill this role,” or, “maybe you should change the entire ending,” or would they prefer that the alpha work with the plot, characters, pacing, etc., elements that the author has already created?

Check in throughout the process - Is the way I’m doing this working for you? Is this feedback helpful? Are my responses as the author enabling you to do your work as an alpha? Do we need to change anything to ensure that this is providing the kinds of support that the author has requested? Talk to each other! You’re in this together. It’s okay if things need to be changed (in the story, in the relationship, in the communication style, you name it) - change them until you find a way to collaborate that works best for both parties.

You’ll see the common theme in all this advice is that the key to a successful alpha/author relationship is communication. Authors: be clear and honest about your project and your needs. Alphas: be clear and honest about your assessments and suggestions. Work together, not in opposition. Now, go forth and write things, and read things, and make amazing stories!

We’ll be doing two more entries in this series - What is an Editor? and What is a Beta? in the coming weeks, so stay tuned!