#the opposite id true for those who are not loved but are adamant that they should be adored and worshipped

[everythoughtihave]

If a character adamantly believes that they will never be liked/loved/cared for to the point where it makes them incredibly bitter on the outside, please know they will be the kindest and most loving person on the inside. Like they just want love :(

[lesfeldickbiblestudy]

Is an unbeliever an enemy of God? [convertplayer id="oEdlpFWSs" width="700" height="525"] But we have to be aware, for the most part, the world today is totally unconcerned about things of the Spirit. They're more concerned with how much salary they can make, how big their home is, and how many cars they can drive. There is nothing wrong with those things in their rightful place, but when they become first priority, blinding them to spiritual truths, they're going to be awfully sorry someday. They are going to wish they would have had their priorities straight. Romans 8:6 "For to be carnally minded is death (spiritual death, and eternal doom without end); but to be spiritually minded is life and peace." And what kind of life? The eternal life of God Himself has now become part and parcel of every one of us who believes, and it's going to carry throughout all eternity. We can't comprehend that, at least I can't, anymore than I can comprehend the outer edges of space; it is beyond us. When I read some of these things it just boggles my mind. I was reading an article that someone gave me the other night. To show the eternalness and the infiniteness of God, our sun in the solar system is so huge that it would take a million and three hundred thousand of our planet earth just to equal the size of it. Now, that's beyond my understanding, and then the star Centaurus out there is so much bigger again than our sun that it would take several hundred thousand of our sun to equal the size of it. That's the infinite God! That's eternity! And that's where we're headed. So we're dealing with eternal things that are without dimensions, that are beyond human comprehension. And what little we do comprehend, we appropriate how? By faith! I've stressed over the years this is not some far out kooky stuff that some Jew sat by his camp fire and dreamed up. No, No. Because there is so much of prophecy in this Book that foretold events hundreds, and thousands of years in advance, and it's all come true. Everything that hasn't come true yet - we can already see the handwriting on the wall, that it's about to. If that much is true, then why can't it all be true? Well, it is. So when we contemplate these things, we just rest on The Word of God as absolute, it's true, and as sure as anything can be, and we can rest on it. This next verse throws a curve at most people. And this is another thing that would be hard to comprehend if The Book didn't say it. Romans 8:7 "Because the carnal mind (anyone who is still under the control of old Adam. Someone who has never had the power of the Gospel operate in their life, he is still the carnal mind, and that mind) is enmity against God;..." You talk to good people here in Oklahoma or anywhere else you can think of, and they'll say, "Well, no, I don't hate God. I love God, I believe in Him, I'm not His enemy." Oh, no, The Book says they are, and The Book doesn't lie. Now, how can The Book say that when people say the opposite. Because you see their old Adamic nature is still a rebel, and that's what people have to be convinced of. Their old Adamic nature is a natural born rebel against the things of God. And if you're a rebel, then you're an enemy! There are many of us that use the expression, "With friends like that, who needs enemies?" Well, it's the same way with God. A lot of these people who claim to be His friend, hey, He can't call them His friends. They're His enemy. Why? Because they're in that state of mind that is rebellious. They're not going to do what God says to do. They're not going to admit that they're a sinner. They're not going to admit that they have a spiritual lacking. Well, what is that? That's rebellion. And when you're a rebel, then you're an enemy, and it's that simple. Now, reading on: Romans 8:7 "Because the carnal mind is enmity against God (now the next part of that verse is shocking): for it (the Adamic mind) is not subject t

o the law of God, neither indeed can be." That's scary isn't it? Do you know what I always think of when I read that? I think it's amazing that man is as civilized as he is. I really do. Because the unsaved person is not subject to the law of God. God doesn't expect the unbeliever to keep His law. God doesn't expect the unbeliever to be a good person, because God sees down in his nature that he's anything but good. Let's go back to where we were several months ago in Romans Chapter 3, and let's start at verse 10. Romans 3:10-12 "As it is written, `There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth (that is in that old Adamic nature), there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.'" And you see people won't agree to that, and will say, "Now wait a minute that's not me. I do a lot of good. I'm a good citizen, I contribute to a lot of charity." But you see that's not what God is looking at. He's looking at the heart. He's looking at their old Adamic carnal mind. Romans 3:13-18 "Their throat is an open sepulchre (that's an open grave, there's nothing pretty about that); with their tongues they have used deceit (we see this in our government and everything else); the poison of asps is under their lips: Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness: Their feet are swift to shed blood (I don't even listen to the news much anymore, because of all the murders, and why? Because that's the Adamic nature see? And he's being turned loose more and more); Destruction and misery are in their ways (you don't believe that? You haven't see the news in Bosnia lately): And the way of peace have they not know: There is no fear of God before their eyes." Why not? Because they have no comprehension of Who God is. They have no real comprehension of the power that He can employ, they ignore Him, and push Him out of their thinking. That's exactly what Paul is talking about in Romans 8:7. Let's look at it again. Romans 8:7 "Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be." Now, that's hard to swallow isn't it? That mankind is not subject to the law of God, and can't be? That's what it says, and it means exactly what it says. And here's the problem with the Christian community even in our present time now. We would like to think that maybe we could legislate some decent morality, and cause people to stop all of these murders, and stop the teenage pregnancy, to stop drug additions, but you can't. We've seen that in the drug war, they can't stop the drugs, and they'll never stop the drugs until people stop wanting to use them. See? When people stop using drugs then the whole business will fall apart. Even back in the days of prohibition we had the same thing. They could pass a law prohibiting the sale of whisky, but did it stop? No. Because people still wanted it, and as long as someone wants it someone will produce it. That's human nature. And even though the laws of God are clear, and precise, mankind totally rejects them. Verse 8, and here's a conclusive thought: if this is the state of mankind which is lost; if this is the way people are when they are outside of the Gospel, outside of being positionally "in Christ," then: Romans 8:8 "So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God." One of the absolutes of Scripture is in Hebrews Chapter 11, the great faith chapter: Hebrews 11:6 "But without faith it is impossible to please him;..." (God) And so the unbeliever who is an enemy of God is an enemy simply because he has does not have faith. [convertplayer id="mx8WRkx6o" width="700" height="525"] Romans 8:8 "So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God." But do they like to pray? Oh you bet they do. My when they’ve got a need, they pray. Well do you think God is interested in their prayers? No, because they’re enemies. He’s not going to answer the prayer request of an enemy, as they’re not His children. I’ve

always made the statement - yes, when a lost person cries out for salvation, God hears him. Absolutely He does! Before he even calls the Book of Isaiah says. But in everyday, mundane things when the lost person prays, God doesn’t hear him, he’s an enemy. You know I’ve used the illustration that if your neighbor's kid comes to you and says, "I want a new bike, will you get me one?" I think it would be a rare individual that would say, "well come on son, I’ll buy you one." No, rather we’ll usually say, "Well that’s your dad’s job, that’s not my responsibility to buy you a bicycle." And the reason we won’t buy one is he’s not our kid. Well you see that’s just normal. That’s not being mean spirited or anything like that, but just simple good economics. You can’t buy bikes for all the kids up and down the block. Now God doesn’t treat the human race much differently. If there is no love for Him and they’re His enemies, He’s not going hear their prayers, until of course they call for salvation, and then He becomes the God of EVERYTHING! Looking at verse 8 again. Romans 8:8 "So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God." Then for sake of time come on down to verse 13, and this will wind up this little dissertation of people who are still in the flesh, who have never been saved. Romans 8:13a "For if ye live after the flesh, (the things of this world is your concern, and you have no concept of eternity) ye shall die:…" You know Iris and I travel and see the highways packed with people and we can’t help but wonder, "How many of these people that we’re meeting on these freeways and highways ever for a moment consider eternity?" How many ever stop to think of something of the Spiritual? For the most part I don’t believe it ever enters their mind. Now I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t believe it does. They’re so wrapped up in the things of this world. So this is their future, that if all their living for is the flesh, these homes, cars, and credit card bills that are beyond their budget, and all the pressures of the world, they���ve got no time for God, and the Spiritual things and Paul says if that’s you lifestyle, "ye shall die spiritually. You have no hope for eternal life." But verse 13 continuing is the flip side. Romans 8:13b "… but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live." So it becomes then an option. Are you going to live for the flesh and die for eternity, or are you going to live Spiritually here and maybe miss out on a few of the things that the world thinks they have to have, and live eternally? That’s quite an option, but it’s mankind’s choice.  

[katsidhe]

How about Family Matters for the SPN reviews? I'd love your take on some SoullessSam.

I took a sabbatical from these for the end of s15, but now I’m Back. Here we go!

6.07 Final Thoughts

I love early season 6 as a meditation on the ways that Sam is present when he is absent, and absent when he is present. Making Sam objectively, provably Not Himself does some lovely and horrific things to drag the ways he has been forced and forces himself to fit certain molds into the light. 

We open on Sam, whom Dean has beaten bloody and unconscious and tied to a chair, for the crime of—*checks notes*—saying he feels there’s something wrong with him, and that he needs help. Boy, I sure do wonder why Sam was reticent. A mystery. 

Okay, but actually, those aren’t Dean’s reasons. Because he went way overboard. Sam was not a physical threat to him. Dean was certainly upset about the you-let-me-get-vamped thing, but he wasn’t overcome with rage over it. This was not 4.21, or 4.04, or any time that Dean has lashed out at Sam in anger or desperation or because Sam was fighting back. In fact, this wasn’t Dean lashing out at Sam at all: Dean is cold, Dean is putting down a threat. Dean beat Soulless!Sam unconscious precisely because he was not Sam enough. Dean is lashing out at the unbearable possibility that the Cage might have changed Sam, indelibly, forever, to be someone that Dean won’t recognize. And that implicit degree of judgment is utterly terrifying. 

Lies and honesty in season 6... it’s a whole thing, webs within webs, really. Cas will later be excoriated for hiding his deal with Crowley from Dean and Sam. Both Samuel and Cas are lying to Sam for the whole season about who rescued Sam, and Crowley is lying to them both in turn. But the fact that Sam literally didn’t know what was wrong with him or how he escaped Hell but was expected to confess anyway, along with the way Cas and Dean stand there discussing Sam’s status and diagnosis over his head, is an excellent illustration of the way that lies to and lies about Sam are treated. 

Also, Cas, entering the brunt of his woes post-s6: the way that Dean and Sam, and especially Dean, take his assistance and his involvement for granted. He’s been inducted into the family, and he’s glimpsed the utter loyalty demanded, but now those demands will really start to kick in. “Your problems always come first.” lmao

Soulless!Sam is remarkably cooperative! He relies on a tactic that mid-seasons Sam uses actually quite a lot to win over Dean: persuasion via self abasement. (I’m the least of any of you, I know I’m a freak, I know I  messed up)… it’s appeasement, full-throttle. “I’m sorry, Dean, I won’t do it again,” he says, with admirably well-leashed insincerity. 

It’s so obviously, delightfully performative. It makes me think about 15.17, and other times in late seasons, when Sam is relying on these tried-and-true tactics to talk Dean down. How much of that is performative? How much does Sam truly believe? How much does Sam believe in spirit but not in word? The potential for dishonesty and slant truth is fascinating. 

Soul (or lack of soul) touching!!!! Cas didn’t even heal Sam’s face first, because he knew we wanted to see him all bloody :) 

The treatment of Family also gets a good shake-over in season 6, with the introduction of the Campbells. Dean’s open hostility towards the Campbells is unsurprising; he’s threatened, he’s suspicious, and it reminds me of how Dean felt when he discovered Adam in 4.19. 

And yet Dean uses a similar tactic on Samuel as Soulless Sam is using on him—offering trust in the hope that it’s returned. “You call the plays,” he says, apparently without any sense of irony. 

Dean accuses Sam of having “no instincts.” And that’s--both true, and precisely untrue. Sam able to figure out every kind of cue this episode quickly and keenly, not by empathy, but through observation. Also ironically, Sam’s ease with following Samuel’s orders is so close to Dean’s sense of instinct, as he would have defined it pre-series! Do what Dad asks, because he’s family: you can really see Sam’s confusion when Dean isn’t on board with that. 

I think we should appreciate how baffling the back and forth in Family (tm) is for Soulless!Sam. He set himself up to follow the Rules as he understood them: save people, hunt things, obey Dad Grandad, only for the goalposts to move. 

What’s interesting here is, as Soulless says himself, he doesn’t actually need to stick around with Dean. He could have left. Reasonably, around the time that Dean gives him the “I drive the bus, I call the shots” speech, he should have been out of there. We are supposed to feel disappointment at the prospect that they broke up but I mean goddamn, who wouldn’t run from that ultimatum. The real twist is that he decides to stick it out.

I love the brief flash of genuine fear Soulless shows when Crowley threatens to throw him back into the Cage. 

Soulless!Sam is still so fundamentally his own person, even when he’s allowing himself to be led around by the nose by Dean. And yet… he’s just as compromised as Sam is. He’s got that fear of being swallowed up, by Hell or by Dean. Being twisted into something he is not, being forced to fit a shape he can’t survive: that’s the point at which he’ll fight back. But up until then? He’ll stretch himself quite agreeably to meet expectations. He’ll fit himself into the imposed mold without complaint, whether it’s Samuel’s or Dean’s, and he’ll feel a real sense of relief to have that structure. 

Unlike many other soulless people we’ve seen, Soulless!Sam doesn’t operate at all on id. Rather, he reads to me as the precise opposite: ego and superego run wild. He places too much weight on divining and acting according to what his tiny society thinks is acceptable. All his survival drive is bent towards consequence, towards the judgment of pragmatic outcomes, rather that what he’d like in the moment. He doesn’t mind hurting or subsuming himself temporarily to gain a later advantage. He feels safest when fulfilling expectations, both practical and moral. He’s built himself a scaffold to support whatever it is he knows he's become, and he uses it to defend himself against the guilt and failure and agony that he remembers, that he’s desperate not to return to. 

“This family—this is it for me now,” says Soulless!Sam to Samuel, and even though he’s lying, I think he’s telling the truth. 

[coppicefics]

Masked Omens: Prologue

Read the fic here!

[Image Description: Image 1 - A simple rendition of the Masked Singer UK logo, a golden mask with colourful fragments flying off of it. The mask has a golden halo and a golden devil tail protruding from either side. Below, gold text reads 'Masked Omens'.

Image 2 - A scrapbook with two newspaper cuttings pasted in. Each has a date handwritten by it; the first reads ‘Tadfield Gazette, 24th July 2009′. The second reads ‘Toffley Courier, 10th August, 2009′. Full text transcription below cut. End ID.]

Tadfield Gazette, 24th July 2009

HIDDEN GEM: O’LEARY’S LATEST STUNS CRITICS Masterful casting highlights themes of innocence and fear against a background of domestic drama. [”What do you care, David? Maybe I’d rather he dream of monsters than wake alone, like me.” ~ Jane Winsome, Act 2, Scene 3] RUMOURS OF Colleen O’Leary’s retirement have been greatly exaggerated. While it’s true that in recent years her name has been conspicuously absent from the glossy playbills and bright posters of the West End, the Dublin-born playwright still has plenty to say. Her latest offering, Hidden, is on the surface a simple domestic drama about an upper middle class family with a young son. It follows their trials and tribulations through a single fraught year as ten year old Matthew (played by the talented young team of Warlock Dowling, Gert Johnson and Adam Young in rotation) questions his relationship with his parents, his nightmares, and ultimately the world around him. Anita Lovett is both adoring and adorable in her role as Matthew's mother Jane, while Oscar Williams fulfils the role of a baffled, slightly distant father as David Winsome. The cast is rounded out by Anthony Crowley, making a return to acting in the role of Ashton Storeth, Matthew's babysitter. What might have been a fairly pedestrian premise – a child becomes unsettled as his parents fail to find time for him – is elevated to new and sinister levels by Crowley's double role as both minder and monster; Matthew is plagued by nightmares of a dark creature that dwells beneath his bed, a creature that seems to have a lot in common with the mysterious Storeth. As Matthew's nightmares increase in both frequency and severity, strange events unfolding in the household lead the audience to question just how much of what they're seeing on stage is real. The script seems to demand introspection of its audience; how much can we ever really know about the world we live in or the people we invite into our homes, even trusting them with our most precious treasures, our children? And yet, ultimately, Storeth and the Nightmare have more meaningful interactions with young Matthew than either of his parents. It's a thought-provoking piece with an ending that must be seen and not spoiled. All in all, a triumphant return to the stage for both O'Leary and Crowley, who seem to have come determined to prove themselves and done so admirably. Hidden is now booking until September 30th this year; for venue information and to book tickets, visit www.hiddenuktour.com.

Lots Donated To Charity Fundraiser WITH PREPARATIONS well underway for the Anna and Eve Foundation’s upcoming auction, it seems there are still more celebrities prepared to offer up their most prized possessions for a good cause. The latest announcement of items going under the hammer includes: The upright piano played in the drawing room scene in The Grasswater Affair, kindly donated by Celestireel A flaming sword used in the original magic act of The Amazing Mr Fell, as seen on last year's Royal Variety Performance, with personal instruction in its use from the magician himself A signed drumskin and drumsticks used by Queen drummer, Roger Taylor A Nike Total 90 Omni football signed by every member of this year’s league-topping Tadfield FC squad The stunning faux-diamond necklace worn by Angela Crowley in the 2003 film More than a Memory, contributed by Pace Productions (newspaper cuts off here)

An advert for the Four Horse Inn is also cut off at the bottom of the cutting.

Toffley Courier, 10th August 2009

Toffley Gate Protests Planned [Uriel Scrolle, Reporter] When Lawrence Richmond was elected as MP for Toffley South, it was partly on the strength of his campaign promise to invest in building affordable housing for local people. Sure enough, within a year of his election, his flagship development had been completed. Having opened its doors in 2006, Toffley Gate is a towering edifice of concrete and glass, boasting over 300 individual homes, most of which are luxury apartments – but many of them still stand empty. Now local housing campaigners are calling for lower rents to be imposed on these unoccupied units in a bid to open them up to local people who cannot afford the current rates. (Continued below.) [Image: A large, modern block of flats in yellowed black-and-white newsprint. End ID.] [Caption] The Toffley Gate development, pictured shortly after completion. Local housing activists say the affordable housing they were promised has never been provided. Photo: Daniel Brubaker on Unsplash. [End caption.]

Local Theatre Reports Record Sales for O'Leary's 'Hidden' Masterpiece: Former 'Kilcridhe' star steals show with moving performance [Citron Deux-Cheval, Arts Critic] Greater Deville’s Inferion Theatre has long struggled to fill seats as the rise of commuting in the town has left residents with far les [sic] time and money to spend on the town’s recreational offerings. It relies, therefore, on the continued patronage of those who are able to attend regularly, and on the rare piece of theatre that causes its audiences to insist friends and family go along and watch, too. This week, it reported its highest ticket sales for a single show in over ten years for the Saturday night showing of Hidden, a new play from veteran playwright Colleen O’Leary. Naturally, I had to go along and see what all the fuss was about, and I was glad I did. Hidden is a deep, dark exploration of the psyche masquarading [sic] as a simple drama about two unhappily married parents and their neglected child. While the story of David and Jane Winsome (Oscar Williams and Anita Lovett respectively) and their strained marriage is compelling, with painful betrayals and soft, poignant moments aplenty, it’s their son Matthew who steals the show, along with his au pair, Ashton Storeth, played to perfection by Anthony Crowley (once a familiar face on our television screens as heart-throb Father Jacob MacCleod in Kilcridhe). On the night I attended, Matthew Winsome was portrayed by eleven year-old Gert Johnson, one of three children who take turns in the role. For such a young boy to take on such a complex role is a very tall order, but Johnson more than rose to the challenge, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the mix of fear and adoration with which Matthew regards Ashton. In scenes with his mother and father, Matthew is quiet and respectful, almost withdrwan - but opposite Crowley, who plays the double roles of Ashton and The Nightmare, he becomes expressive and unspoken, loud in his anger, his fear and, yes, his love. Crowley, too, gives an incredible double-edged performance as warm, gentle Ashton and the silent, sinister presence that lurks beneath his charge’s bed - perhaps drawing on his own inner demons to lend authenticity to the role. Hidden is a play that leaves much open to interpretation: whether The Nightmare is real or imagined, what, if anything, it has to do with Ashton, and what the surprising ending means for the family. It’s a play to get you thinking, and I highly recommend you go along. Hidden is playing at the Infernion until August 15th. Contact the Box Office on 01632 496055 to book.

[islareeveswriting]

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INSTAS

Time is a healer.

Molly knew how true that was. Even her bruised, but maybe not completely broken, heart had been healed by a few weeks of nurture. It seemed there was nothing a little time couldn’t wrap its arms around and restore to what it had once been before. It couldn’t erase scars left behind by battles that had gone on for a little to long not to leave a mark, but it did make them fade, and a little easier to hide. After nearly two months, Molly felt like she was back to herself and moving forward. At least emotionally.

Physically, Molly felt like she’d been hit by a convoy of ten tonne trucks. Everything ached, her eyes felt tired, her head felt heavy, and her throat felt like it had made good friends with a parmesan grater. What had started as a bad hangover, had quickly developed into a cold and had continued to get worse from there. Three days had passed since she’d woken up in Harry’s bed, and the headache she’d had that morning was yet to disappear for more than a few paracetamol induced hours.

University had started back up, and after her first lecture of the new semester Molly had a pile of research waiting on her desk for her. However, mustering the energy to actually make some progress on it was a challenge. It was only likely to be added to after her two pm portfolio presentation workshop that afternoon, but still Molly had left the house that morning with her research project as untouched as it had been when she’d thrown the file on her desk two days ago and collapsed on her bed. Again.

It was a typical January day. The light that managed to make it through the thick, virtually black, clouds hardly lit up the streets at all, and it was a wonder they’d bothered to turn the street lights off. The air was bitter, it seemed winter was only getting colder as spring should have approached, and there was an ever present threat of torrential rain. The clouds were dark enough, but they just seemed to be keeping everyone on edge, not sure whether to brave the outside or hold refuge indoors with hot drinks and comforting food.

The cafe Amanda had chosen for their coffee date was virtually empty. Apart from Molly and Amanda, sat in a booth designed for six, there were two other tables being used. The two waitresses were as aware as Molly that they needn’t have both been there, and it was clear they were struggling to even appear busy, let alone actually be busy. Zak was the noisiest part of the cafe, his chattering and giggling cutting over the hushed conversations of everyone else there.

It had taken Amanda less than twelve hours to message Molly after meeting on Sunday morning at brunch, three days later, and they were sat opposite each other in a cafe around the corner from Amanda’s house, as if it was something they’d done a million times before. Molly hadn’t exactly been surprised Amanda had followed through with getting her number from Harry, but by the same token Molly wouldn’t have been surprised if it hadn’t happened either, and she wouldn’t have been offended. Molly was five years Amanda’s junior, and outwardly it appeared they didn’t have a lot in common. However, as Molly got closer to the end of her pot of tea, it was apparent the two of them had a lot more in common than anyone would have imagined.

Apart from the fact, Molly seemed to now be in the same boat Amanda had been in five years ago with Joe after ending a serious relationship, they both had older sisters they considered best friends, had both moved to the city they now called home for university, and had both felt an unfavourable welcome from Katie when they first met. The fact the blonde haired girl had been so cold at brunch had played on Molly’s mind ever since. It was hard to get the feeling that she’d been being judged for something she wasn’t aware of was hard to budge. Despite the fact Harry had been so quick to touch her leg with his knee each time Katie spoke to her like she was keeping score, he’d not mentioned it since. It wasn’t that Molly was necessarily expecting him to, it was just she wanted to know why it felt like daggers were being fired at her for the two hours she’d been sat opposite Katie.

Normally, Molly wouldn’t think anything of it, people could be cold when they didn’t know someone, she understood that, and it was fine. But Molly didn’t get the feeling Katie had been cold purely because she didn’t know Molly. The way she’d rolled her eyes when Harry called her love, had seemed so anxious to hear whether they were together or not, had given Molly the impression she was stepping on toes. Though why she couldn’t figure out.

At first she’d thought she might have asked Harry about it. It was clear from the look he gave her when Amanda had pushed her eggs over the table to Katie, that there were opinions on the blue eyed blonde who looked like she wouldn’t say boo to a goose. However, after their conversation in Harry’s car about Molly's body image issues, and after Harry opened up a little bit about his dad, Katie’s attitude towards her wasn’t exactly the most pressing thing on Mollys mind.

However, when Amanda bought the situation up over coffee, it felt like the universe was giving Molly a free pass to ask her questions and not feel guilty for one of Harry’s friends leaving a bad taste in her mouth.

“She’s erm,” Molly hesitated. Free pass or not she didn’t want to appear callous, and she’d always struggled to find a bad word to say about anyone. It felt even harder when what she wanted to say was based purely on a feeling rather than anything Katie had actually done. “Hard?” Molly tried. Amanda scoffed a laugh though and nodded her head.

“That’s one way of putting it.” Amanda supposed, lifting her eyebrows a little. Molly wasn’t sure what to say next, she rolled her lips together and dropped her eyes. It was hard to explain. If Harry hadn’t been sat next to her at brunch, and if Amanda hadn’t been so warm and welcoming, she knew she’d have felt incredibly uncomfortable at that table thanks to the way Katie acted towards her. Little comments, looks, her tone of voice. Molly wasn’t sure if it was intentional, but that didn’t mean it felt any less agreeable to Molly. The thing was Molly didn’t want to look two-faced, or put her foot in something she didn’t see coming. There could be a reasonable explanation for the way Katie had been, Molly knew little to nothing about any of Harry’s friends to be able to be sure either way. Molly was finding it hard to explain it without sounding like she was backstabbing someone she didn’t know from Adam.

“You don’t have to worry Molly, it’s not a secret that me and her don’t exactly get on.” Amanda went on. “When I first started seeing Joe she told anyone who would listen that I’d cheated on my ex multiple times, not true, and that Joe should be careful.” Amanda explained with a shrug. It appeared that, now, Amanda thought nothing of it, but Molly could bet that at the time it hadn’t been so easy to shrug away. “I didn’t even know her name.” Amanda finished, and the sting she’d felt was clear in her voice.

“Wow, that’s extreme.” Molly gaped, eyes widening a little. “Why did she do that?” Molly asked, but Amanda just shrugged, swallowing the sip of coffee she’d taken whilst Molly was taking in what she’d just said, trying, but ultimately, failing to understand it.  

“I don’t really know, but I think it’s a jealousy thing.” Amanda guessed with a slight shrug, cradling the coffee cup in her hands.

“A jealousy thing?” Amanda just nodded. “What’s she jealous of?” Again Amanda shrugged. Molly couldn’t make head or tail of it and it confused her to say the least. Katie was a pretty girl, attractive, she was engaged to a man that seemed like a gentleman, and was good looking, strong, she had a good group of friends. Molly was at a loss for what she had to be jealous of, when Molly walked into the cafe with Harry, riddled with nerves and anxious to be liked by the friends of Harry’s he introduced her to. As far as Molly could see, if anything, it should have been the other way around.

“It’s weird, but she gets kinda territorial over those boys, like no one can be good enough for them apart from her.” Amanda said, but there was something about her voice that made Molly think it wasn’t so much of a guess anymore.

“She’s got Rich!” Molly stressed wide-eyed, her nose crinkling.

“I know.” Amanda confirmed. “That’s why I say it’s weird, but it is honestly like she doesn’t want any other girls in their lives apart from her.” She explained, or at least tried, all though it was clear from Molly’s face that it made absolutely no sense to her.

“The fuck?” Molly questioned. For a minute Molly tried to understand, put herself in Katie’s shoes. She imagined how she’d feel if Jimmy bought a girl home, introduced her to Molly and the rest of their housemates. The idea only filled Molly with excitement. Since she met Jimmy she knew he’d make a great boyfriend for the right person. In no circumstance could she imagine herself being jealous of a girlfriend of Jimmy, maybe if she turned out not be a nice person she might grow to dislike her, but never jealous.

“I mean maybe it’s something else with Harry, I dunno, maybe, I dunno,” Amanda started to trip over her words appearing unsure in a way that Molly doubted came to her very easily considering how confident she came across otherwise. She was quick to paper over it, carry on like she hadn’t saing anything; “part of me wonders as well if she’s worried someone will get down the aisle before her.” Amanda continued, but that only made Molly crease her brow more than she already had done, looking across the table to Amanda. “Her and Rich have been engaged for donkeys, he’s only just agreed to set a date and it’s still a year away.” Amanda explained. Molly rolled her eyes, she only felt more confused than she had done before they’d started the conversation.

“Considering Harry and I are just friends that’s not likely to be an issue is it?” Molly pointed out with a slight eye roll.

“You’re really still pulling that ‘just friends’ thing?” Molly didn’t say anything to answer Amanda’s question. If Molly was honest she didn’t know what they were doing. They seemed to be continuously testing boundaries, but never actually getting through them, maybe both a little scared of what waited on the other side for them. Apparently, Molly’s silence was answer enough for Amanda though. “Are you not bored of that yet?” She pushed, Molly dropping her eyes. “So that’s a yes.” Amanda pointed out, correctly. Molly was bored of it. She was fed up with trying to convince herself Harry didn’t make her feel something, that it wasn’t getting more intense every time she saw something glittering in his eye. And she was fed up of not being sure, but being entirely certain all at once, that she saw Harry doing the same.

“It’s not that I’m bored of it, just, well I didn’t expect to start feeling like this so soon after Ryan.” Molly tried to explain, because no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get away from the fact that two months after ending a four year relationship felt like too soon to be moving onto something new.

“Surely that tells you how real the feelings are.” Amanda suggested, scotting forward a little and glancing down at Zak who was scooting toy cars along the leather bench distractedly, beside her, seemingly completely oblivious to his mother’s conversation or that she’d even moved.

“You think?” Molly asked narrowing her eyes slightly, clearly unsure.

“Yeah, I know what it's like to come out of a long term relationship and feel like you won’t go there again for a long time to then bump into someone you really like, the fact you weren’t looking for it but found it anyway? That’s a sign.” Amanda told Molly with a reassuring certainty. Despite how sure Amanda sounded, Molly still couldn’t settle it in her own head, not completely at least, and she had to wonder if it was the same thing holding Harry back. Or if it was just that she hadn’t quite managed to teeter over the edge yet, and he didn’t want to be the one to push her. “He is smitten with you, you can tell by the way he looks at you.” Amanda announced, only making Molly blush and drop her eyes to the table in attempt to hide it. “Sorry, we don’t have to talk about this, so he didn’t warn you about Katie?” Amanda asked, taking another sip of her coffee as Molly lifted her gaze again, hoping the flush of her cheeks had died down.

“No, but maybe he’s not noticed it.” Molly mused with a slight shrug of her shoulders, the loose neckline of her jumper falling down for it.  

“Oh he has, she’s like it with every girl.” Amanda pointed out, her words making Molly feel as disposable as the throwaway comment for a few moments. There was a familiar prickle inside her, but one she refused to let grow the way she had in Woodies a few nights ago. It was one thing to feel jealous of a nameless woman, but nameless faceless women, that bore no threat to something, that at that moment was nothing anyway, was completely ridiculous as far as Molly could see.

“Every girl?” She asked, nonetheless, her voice slightly higher than she’d anticipated.

“Well Shane’s ex, me, some girl Niall introduced last year.” Amanda listed, not mentioning Harry’s name once. Molly nodded, wondering if Amanda was holding something back for her benefit, and wishing she wouldn’t.  “Don’t worry, you’re the first girl Harry has ever introduced to us, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Amanda reassured quickly and a strange, unprecedented, feeling of relief washed over Molly.

“I’m not worried.” Molly clucked quickly, too quickly to be believable.

“Uh huh? That’s why you were squirming around like a worm on a fish hook.” Amanda smirked knowingly, one perfectly filled in eyebrow rising slightly. Molly just rolled her eyes and shook her head, not even bothering to hide the slight heat she was feeling under Amanda’s spotlight. “It’s cute, just go with it, what have you got to loose?”

“A bloody good friendship.” Molly pointed out.

“God if I had a pound for everytime someone didn’t go for it because they were scared of losing a friend.” Amanda groaned.  “If you were meant be just friends forever, you wouldn’t fancy the pants off him, and if the friendship is that good it won’t be ruined by a kiss and a cuddle.” Molly sighed and began spinning her mug around in circles on the table, not sure what to say. It was hard to argue with someone who seemed so confident in what they were saying, even if Molly wasn’t entirely sure she agreed. “I’m sorry, I just can’t sit back, having seen how you are with one another and not say anything, it’s ridiculous.” Amanda sighed falling back into the seat.

“Ok, can we talk about something else other than how I apparently fancy the pants of Harry now?” Molly bargained. Amanda just chuckled and nodded. What was, or seemingly wasn’t, happening with Harry, wasn’t something Molly felt ready to discuss with anyone other than the voice in her head. It was hard enough for herself to make sense of her feelings, let alone trying to do so out loud for someone else.

They finished their drinks and chatted for another half an hour. It really didn’t feel like the first time the two of them had socialised together without a mutual friend. Conversation passed easily and the time quickly. When Molly checked her phone, her mug of tea empty, she realised she should really be leaving fairly soon to make it to the campus for her workshop.

“Well then little fella, we best let Molly get going.” Amanda sung, placing her cup on the mug and looking down at Zak, seemingly reading Molly’s mind. The little boy looked up at Zak with doey brown eyes that matched his mother’s exactly, before looking to Molly.

“Where’sa going?” Zak asked with a deeply creased brow, his lips a little pouty, the picture of confusion and slight disappointment.

“I’ve got to go to univers-school.” Molly settled on, guessing Zak wouldn’t have a comprehension of university. It did nothing to help the look on his face though, his eyebrows just lowered further and his bottom lip seemed to stick out more. It was evident Zak had no expectation for Molly to leave without them. “But I’ll see you again real soon.” Molly promised with a smile and a gleam in her voice. “Ok?” She offered. Zak sighed heavily, his little shoulders lifting and falling with discontent at, what seemed to be in Zak’s eyes, and unfavourable compromise.

“Ok.” He grumbled sadly, looking back down at the car in his hand and hitting it against the sofa.

“Are you ok? You don’t look so good.” Amanda pointed out, a glimmer of concern in her voice and over her face.

“Yeah think I’ve got a bit of a cold, nothing to worry about.” Molly smiled, though it felt like a massive effort to do so. Before leaving the house, she’d taken a couple of paracetamol to try and keep her aches at bay, however, through the morning, it had begun to wear off. She felt it in her shoulders first, it felt like she’d slept awkwardly, and then her face started to ache, and finally her head started to feel like it was being shut between a door, over and over again, her temples throbbing. The box of paracetamol was still sat on the kitchen side at home, Molly had anticipated the effects lasting until she got home from her workshop. Clearly, she’d been wrong.

Out on the street, the air still bitterly cold and the clouds still ominously dark, Molly and Amanda said a hasty goodbye, both wanting to get back indoors and out of the weather as quickly as possible. On insistence from Amanda, Zak managed to pull his little hand out from the blanket tucked around him, in his pushchair, to give Molly a wave goodbye. Molly couldn’t blame him, if she had a choice she’d be tucked up with, what looked like, a handmade woollen blanket, rather than cocooned in a puffy, waterproof parka that didn’t do a whole lot for the cold. Even the fur lined hood didn’t keep much warmth in, and she was trying not to shiver as she stood saying goodbye.

With a promise to see each other again soon, they both headed in separate directions, Amanda off to her warm, well heated home, and Molly off to the cold, open, workshop room on campus.  Of course Molly knew where she’d rather be heading, but making a start on her portfolio was important. More important than getting cosy with a cup of tea on her bed, and more important than the sleep her heavy eyes were telling her she needed. Even if the idea alone of pyjamas, tea and her bed made her warmer than the fluffy socks she had on under her boots or the jumper and coat combo she was wearing. It didn’t matter when she had her second year portfolio to get her head around, the first one that really mattered.

No one had ever expected Molly to choose a fashion degree, it had surprised Molly at first as well, but when she really thought about it, it made far more sense than going into teaching the way she’d always planned. As a child she was going to be a teacher, once she got to secondary school that progressed to art teacher, because at least that sat well with her creative nature. It wasn’t until her textiles teacher asked her if she’d considered any design schools for university that the idea of doing anything other than teaching entered her head.

For a long time she’d kept the thought to herself, mulled it over, secretly looked into design courses. Miss Edwards said she was more than capable, and nothing beat the buzz that she got from bringing her designs to life. It wasn’t until she opened up to the idea, that she really realised the thrill she got from men’s fashion and tailoring projects. The excitement far exceeded that of anything she’d done in art, or the idea of standing in front of a classroom filled with rowdy teenagers, the majority of who wouldn’t even want to be in an art class.

It had made her nervous, telling her parents that she’d changed her mind about following in their footsteps and going into teaching, but they’d been supportive as they always had. Just as supportive as when Jeanie told them she didn’t want to continue with education at all, and would rather go off travelling around South East Asia and Australia. It was always a case of whatever was best for them, whatever was going to make their daughters happy, they could get behind. Molly didn’t know why she always got so nervous about telling her parents something somewhat life changing, because the reaction had always been positive. It was Ryan that doubted it, made her question it for a second, before she walked into her Textiles classroom and was handed her ticket to men’s London Fashion Week and squealed with excitement.

There was no doubt. Suddenly she felt like she was born to study Fashion and Textile design, to work in that industry, and get a buzz from it everyday.

Everyday, Molly still did get a buzz that she was able to do something she loved, was making steps to being able to carve a career in something that made her heart sing. However, she still felt an unnecessary need to please people, to prove that she’d made the right decision, and she wasn’t wasting time and money studying something that could end in a dead end retail career; as Ryan had so kindly put it after she’d submitted her UCAS application to five universities for fashion design courses.

Looking back, how she’d been with him so long was a question she couldn’t answer. He’d never been supportive. But that was done now, and what she’d learned was although she didn’t need someone by her side to be supportive of her every move, she did want it.

The previous workshop hadn’t kicked out when Molly rocked up outside. Looking at her phone she was only five minutes earlier so she rested against the wall, beside the door and waited patiently for two pm to tick around. It was rare to walk into a workshop straight after another group had been in there. Normally Molly would walk straight into the room and make herself comfortable to wait for the class to start. As it was, she waited in the cold corridor, cuddling her arms around herself, and praying to god someone had wheeled an electric heater into the room.

“Molly.” Molly snapped her head up. She’d only meant to rest her eyes, but it appeared she was close to drifting off, standing against the wall, her head fallen into her chest. Quickly she felt her cheeks reddening as she flicked her head around to find her lecturer looking at her confused. Max Hambleton had worked for Calvin Klein and Tom Ford in New York, and done a stint in Milan for various designers. Not to mention the chorus of high end fashion magazines he’d worked for. Yet Molly was being called to consciousness by him in a university corridor. It wasn’t exactly how she wanted him to remember her, but she was sure he now would. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine sorry.” Molly hastened, straightening herself and hoisting her bag up onto her shoulder further. Max just looked her up and down a little, a slight furrow in his clearly botoxed brow as Molly moved from the wall to get in through the door.

“Are you sure you’re feeling ok?” Max asked again, pulling the door closed behind him. “You don’t look so good.” He explained folding his arms across his chest as a concerned look ran across his features, still looking over Molly’s colourless face an dim eyes.

“So everyone keeps saying.” Molly grumbled, shrugging at her bag again for no real reason. “It’s just a cold, I’m fine.” Molly explained, though the depth and croak of her voice did nothing to evidence that she was indeed fine.

“I’m sending you home.” Max instructed after a few seconds of looking over Molly again. There was no getting away from just how un-herself she looked. She looked drained and like she hadn’t slept in weeks, though it had barely been days.

“I’m fine.” Molly tried again, but Max shook his head and opened the door.

“No, you need to go home and rest.” He insisted with wide eyes. It was often easy to forget workshop leaders were teachers, they, particularly Max, had a tendency to act more like a friend. However, when he used that tone, and wore that look, it was very clear he was the one in charge. “I’ll send you the notes and the assignment, but I don’t want to see you again until you don’t look like you’ve just done twenty rounds with Muhammad Ali, ok?” Matt told her, one hand on the door handle, the other on his hip. Molly sighed and shook her head, looking down at her black Timberlands. It wasn’t what she wanted at all, but it was quite evident there wasn’t a choice.

“Fine.” Molly grumbled, turning on her heel and walking away, only glancing over her shoulder when she heard the door shut.

If Molly was brutally honest with herself, she felt a little relieved to be heading back home. The morning, that had consisted of not a lot, had taken it out of her, and with the tablets she’d taken now leaving her system, every limb was aching, literally, for her bed and a little sleep. Normally a missed workshop, lecture, seminar, might keep her awake, but she was fairly certain, feeling how she currently was, there was very little that would stop her falling asleep the second her head hit the pillow. Even so she knew she’d be checking her emails the second she got in for Max’s promised notes so she could print and read over them that night with a cup of tea.

The busses were running behind schedule. The wait for Molly’s bus was twelve minutes when she got to the bus stop and stood under the shelter out of the wind. There was no one else about, a couple of students wandering down the road towards the campus, but other than that no one. Molly seemed to be the only one who made enough effort to be out on the gloomiest day of the new year so far.

For a mere second she considered calling a taxi. She had numbers saved in her phone from nights out, just in case, though they were rarely used. The cold was getting to her, and she was only getting more tired. Molly even opened her bag to start hunting for her phone before she stopped herself. She’d paid forty pounds for a months bus pass to see her through the bitterest of winter months, and she’d be damned if she didn’t get her moneys worth. Looking at the announcement board, she saw two minutes had passed already. Only ten minutes and she’d be on a warm bus that would take her virtually to her front door. It really wasn’t that bad in the grand scheme of things.

It was the slowest ten minutes of her life. Two other busses came and went, but neither of them were the one Molly required. When it did eventually pull up into the stop, Molly felt frozen to her core and she couldn’t stop the shivering anymore. Her fingers were shaking as she flicked her bus pass card against the ticket machine and wandered up the narrow galley for an empty double seat. A bus chair had never felt so good, and her feet rested against the hot air blower under the seat she’d hoped would be free.

Slowly, Molly got warmer, but the shivering didn’t cease, in fact it only seemed to increase. Each stop passed in a blur of passengers, and Molly only got hotter, to the point she considered taking her coat off, but never did, enjoying the blanketing feeling it was giving her as she cuddled it around herself and snuggled her chin down into it. Not to mention, the fact she was still shaking from cold, so perhaps she wasn’t as warm as she thought.

When the bus eventually got to her road, Molly leaned forward and pressed the button, hoiking herself up from the seat with a great deal of effort and dragging herself off the bus, thanking the driver as she passed the little window he sat behind. The cold hit her again instantly and her teeth chattered as she walked, as fast as she could, for the severe lack of energy to her house. The lights in the entrance way, and their kitchen were on, she could see that. Of course that didn’t mean anyone was in. No one was guilt-free when it came to forgetting to turn lights off before leaving the house.

Molly began to rummage in her huge back for her house keys before she got to the door. Of course they were right at the bottom, tangled around her portable charger lead that had somehow escaped from the pouch she kept it in. There was nothing that made Molly want to untangle them there and then, so she just tugged at the keys until they were released enough to be useable and awkwardly let herself in.

The noise hit her immediately. Loud chanting and cheering that reminded her of the headache she hadn’t forgotten about anyway. The laughter was boisterous and the voices low, chorusing from the front room. Molly groaned to herself as she dropped her bag to the floor and kicked her boots off. Never in her life had Molly walked around with socks on her feet, she hated the sensation, but even that came second to trying to keep the warmth she’d worked up inside her body rather than letting it out. She padded through to the kitchen, barely lifting her feet, rather scuffing them across the cheap laminate that was chipped and dented in places.

A large group of boys were crowded into the living space of the house, spread out of the chairs and floor, taking over the whole room. Ben was sat on the arm of the big three seater sofa, a controller in his hand. Little cartoon looking men were running around on the screen and Molly could have cried. Noticing the light had been on, she’d just hoped someone had left it on, as was normally the case. Instead, it meant her house was filled with Ben’s football team friends for an afternoon of video games before their weekly night out with the netball team. Molly was staring hopelessly at them, wishing they’d just disappear, when Ben turned around with a wide smile on his face having just scored a goal.

“Alright Mol?” He asked, turning back to the TV. “Look a bit rough.”

“Yeah got a cold, and a banging headache.” Molly told him, putting emphasis on the headache part, hoping he’d get the hint, though Ben didn’t seem to hear at all, just nodded. “I’m going to bed.”

“Ok, have fun.” Molly rolled her eyes, groaned loudly and snatched the box of paracetamol tablets from the kitchen side where she’d left them that morning, before traipsing back out to her bedroom, grabbing her bag as she went.

The rest of the flat was dark, and Molly’s bedroom was no different. Even with the blinds open the natural light seeping through was minimal. Despite that she shut them, darkening the room further and falling to sit on her bed. There was a glass of water on the side from that morning and she swallowed two of the tablets with a mouthful of it easily. Finally she shrugged her coat off and pushed it onto the floor so she could get comfy under her duvet.

Molly shut her eyes and tried to let sleep take her, but the noise travelling through from the living room was hard to get away from. The thin walls and doors that didn’t quite reach the floors meant Molly could hear virtually every word, and definitely every sound that came from the congregation of boys that were getting far too excited over a video game. It was sods law that the one afternoon Molly actually wanted the house to herself, or at least for the house to be quiet, it was full of people. Noisy people.

Feeling the way she was, Molly thought sleep would come easily regardless of anything else. However, as she tossed and turned in her bed, she realised she was wrong. She began to feel restless, her aching legs frustrating her with their unwillingness to relax. Uncomfortable didn’t quite cut it, but getting out of bed to undress and put pyjamas on didn’t seem appealing either. Sleep was all she wanted, a long deep sleep that would rid her of the headache, and the restlessness, and the grating of her throat.

Finally with her head covered by her duvet, one leg tucked up to her chest, the other stretched across the bed, Molly felt comfortable. Her mind started to switch off and through duvet the noise that had been irritating her became nothing more than a background buzz that was easier to ignore.

It felt like she’d only just begun to doze off when her phone rang loud through the silence she’d found and jolted her back to consciousness aggressively. It was never going to be urgent, but Molly was so stunned into being awake again, that she found herself scrambling from her bed for her phone, still in her coat pocket. When she finally pulled it out, Harry’s name and contact photo, on she’d taken of him the last time they’d been together, flashed on the screen. She slid it across to answer and fell back into her bed.

“Hello?” Molly answered groggily.

“Oh sorry were you asleep?” Harry asked and she could hear the concern in his voice, over the noise of crashing around in the background.

“Trying to.” Molly told him, yawning as she did so.

“Oh sorry love, thought I’d caught you after your workshop.” Harry explained, the background noise ceasing and a loud slam of a car door sounding instead. “Was gonna ask if you wanted to hang out?” Harry asked. Molly’s tummy flipped. She would have loved to, spending the evening with Harry sounded perfect, but her still pounding headache, and yet to be resolved lack of sleep were telling it probabaly wasn’t the best move.

“I’d love to, but I got sent home from uni ill so should probably just rest up.” Molly lamented sadly, combing her hair away from her face. Even that hurt her sensitive head and made her wince her little as she took her fingers from the tangled lengths steadily.

“You got sent home!?” Harry cried in disbelief. “I told you you were sick and should get rest.” Harry reminder her, Molly rolling her eyes having anticipated that reaction. Since Sunday evening Harry had told her countless times he thought she was getting ill and needed to rest, she’d insisted it was just a bit of a cold and would pass, though Harry wasn’t so sure, and had clearly been right not to be so easily convinced. “Well you need to sleep.”

“I’m trying, Ben’s got all the football lads here and they’re causing a right racket.” Molly complained, staring through the walls as if the boys four rooms down might be able to feel her glare through the bricks.

“Really?” Harry asked, Molly just hummed in response. “Wanna come to mine?” Harry asked. Molly didn’t say anything for a minute, Harry did though; “It’ll be quiet, and warm.” He told her and Molly knew that would be true. Harry’s flat had been just the right temperature every time she’d been there, even her tendency to feel the cold hadn’t been able to prevail, and Molly was fairly certain even the M25 was currently more quiet than her flat.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to get ill as well.” Molly warned him.

“Of course I’m sure, it’s fine.” Harry promised. “Look, I’m just packing up at work, give me an hour or so and I’ll come and grab you yeah?” Molly hadn’t realised it was that late in the day until then, but suddenly it made sense that her room felt darker than it had before. Maybe she had caught a bit of sleep somewhere in her fogged head.

“Ok.” Molly smiled.

“And hey, we get to hang out too.” Harry pointed out and she swore she could hear the grin on his face.

“True.”

“Ok, well I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Will do, thank you.” Molly smiled to herself, content in the warmth she was feeling from Harry’s offer and the idea of spending the evening in his flat with him.

“Of course.” Harry breathed, before they said their goodbyes and Harry ended the call, eager to get packed up at work. Molly was just as eager, she couldn’t wait to see him. It had been two days since they’d seen each other, of course they’d spoken, every night on the phone, but nothing beat actually being in his company. It was sickeningly addictive, and spending time with him was sweet and soft. Suddenly Molly felt a little spring in her step, and she wanted to do anything possible to make the time go quicker until Harry was knocking on her door again. It wasn’t anything Molly had ever experienced before. It was so different to what she’d had with Ryan. The feeling inside her was far more exciting, and somehow more blissful.

Looking back, how things with Ryan had happened had been predictable. What was moving with Harry seemed to come from nowhere, and the unexpected nature of it only made it more thrilling and exciting. Though that wasn’t the only reason she felt a constant kaleidoscope of butterflies in her tummy and the mere mention of his name, let alone his voice, or his presence. There was something about it, something more than the undoubted rugged good looks he had, or his strong sure stature, or how he could go from a dark smirk to bubbly grin in under two seconds. It was the way he made Molly feel. In the five months they’d known one another, he’d made her feel more comfortable with being herself, and more at home, than she realised she could. He took it to another level for her, that she wasn’t aware existed. It could have been frightening if it didn’t feel so good.

Molly always had the tendency to blow things out of proportion, to stress over the small stuff, it was just part of her nature. Somehow, Harry made that not feel so necessary. Somehow he made even the big stuff feel like it didn’t need a second of her brain space or her attention. Everything felt easy around him. Apart from maybe being around him.

Every now and again, a little flutter of nerves would rise their head when they were together. Normally when she was under his intense gaze, his eyes locked on her as he waited for her to say something, or answer a question, or make a decision. It was getting more frequent though. When he’d been sat casually shirtless in his living room, seemingly entirely unaware of the effect he had on her. The way he’d looked at her in Nancy’s hallway. The feeling of his knee tapping against hers under the table at brunch and how for a second she’d wished, thought, it was his hand making home on her thigh.

It wasn’t nerves that made her feel sick, or scared her, or made her aware of something she should avoid. Instead it was nerves that ignited every part of her and burned through her like friendly fire. It wasn’t nerves she wanted to stop or make go away, take deep breaths through to ease. It seemed to be getting worse every time they moved closer into each other's orbits and everytime they took a little step away from ‘just friends’, everytime they got closer to diving into that water together. The water seemed clearer than it had before, far less rocks to get stuck on, and much smoother. It seemed like it would be blissful.

Seeing as her phone was already in her hand, Molly used the time she was anxious to pass to check her emails for the notes from Max. It was there second from the top, under a promotional email from Victoria’s Secret. ‘Intro to portfolio presentation notes.’ Molly clicked on it and opened up the attachment. It wasn’t the best device for reading over the notes, but her mind wasn’t exactly in the right place to take it all in properly, so it made no odds.

There were only eight slides on the powerpoint presentation, and the bullet points made for light easy reading. It was mostly basic ideas that Molly had already started to get her head around in first year. Obviously it meant more now, with the marks she got this year going towards her overall degree grade, and the few added tips and pointers were useful. Molly already had an idea in her mind for the ‘re-imagining’ project though. It had only been introduced to her two days ago in her first seminar of the semester, but by the time she was home she had inspiration in her head, and fabric samples practically bought.

It wasn’t unusual for Molly to get ahead of herself, and eventually she’d slow down, and probably panic and set herself back as she started to think too much rather than go with the direction her creativity was pulling her in. However, in that moment, she was excited about the prospect. It gave her an excuse to work on menswear, which was something she didn’t really need an excuse for, and also a chance to put her tailoring skills to use.

The notes seemed to take longer for her to get through, but only because she kept getting distracted by the picture examples Max had included with inspired ideas of her own. When the knock on the door sounded heavy around the flat, Molly jumped to attention, suddenly remembering the doorbell they still had yet to get fixed. Molly got up from her bed and all but skipped to her bedroom door. When she got out to the hallway, Ben was already stood with it open, letting Harry into the house, the two of them chattering and laughing.

“Hey.” Molly called drawing their attention. Harry spun his head to her and grinned quickly. “Mind if I just get changed into something comfier?” Molly asked. She’d been intending on getting changed before Harry turned up, but she hadn’t expected him to be so quick.

“Of course.” Harry nodded. Ben invited Harry into the lounge as Molly turned back to her room to get changed. Folded on her desk were the grey leggings Lauren had bought her for Christmas, the ones that matched the pair Lauren owned and Molly always told her she loved, with the black waistband and brand name written around it. Molly pulled them on, they were the softest things she’d ever worn and she loved them. They suited her current state perfectly, along with the navy hoodie folded underneath them. It was far from her most stylish look, but she didn’t care even an ounce about that, and just to push the point she pulled on a pair of fluffy socks and slid her feet into her Adidas Superstars before going back out to the lounge to find Harry with her handbag on her shoulder.

“Manchester United? Why?” Ben was asking, sat back in the same spot he had been earlier, Harry stood beside him with his arms folded across his chest, both glued to the computer generated football game two of Ben’s friends were playing.

“That’s where I’m from.” Harry laughed, and Molly felt herself being taken back. She’d always noted Harry’s slightly northern accent, but somehow it still took her by surprise.

“I didn’t know that.” She noted from the kitchen, checking through her bag that she had everything she could need and throwing the box of paracetamol into it.

“You never noticed his accent before Mol?” Ben chuckled. Molly just gave him a glare, until he turned back to the TV with an amused grin on his face. Harry was striding towards her, hands in the black zip up fleece he was wearing, covered in dust, and chuckling to himself. It wasn’t Molly hadn’t noticed, in fact it was one of the first things she’d noticed aside from his annoyingly good looks, but it was never confirmed and it just seemed to point out how little Molly knew about Harry’s past.

“You really are ill huh love?” Harry chided once he was close enough. Molly just rolled her eyes at him and coughed dramatically only earning enough throaty laugh from Harry. “Ready for some R&R then?” He asked.

“Definitely.” Molly smiled, sliding her arm through the bend in Harry’s that he outstretched for her to do so, deciding in her kitchen, with a living room full of boys wasn’t the place to start asking about Harry’s childhood, and also wondering if there ever would be a time and a place.

The drive out to Harry’s place felt peaceful. Molly found herself pushing as far back into the seat as she could and wrapping herself in the teddy bear coat she’d pulled on before leaving. The heating system was chucking out warm air that made her feel sleepy, the low light of the street lamps only aiding it. It had started to rain at last, and gentle spots of water tapped at the glass as Harry drove through it towards his house. They had the music turned low, to a volume that didn’t make Molly’s head pound anymore than it already was, and was also conductive to a little conversation about the days they’d both just had. Molly made the decision not to mention the conversation she’d had with Amanda about Katie, it didn’t feel necessary, but she did mention that she’d had a really lovely lunch with her, though neither of them had eaten anything.

Once they were in Harry’s flat, Harry was quick to kick off his work boots and strip off his fleece, the polo shirt underneath tight fitting and hugging every muscle it covered. The flat was already heated, the underfloor pipes obviously having kicked in at some point that afternoon in anticipation of Harry’s return from work. It meant Molly could slip her trainers and socks off and not worry about cold feet the way she had in her house. Harry flicked on a few lights as he went through the living room, Molly following once she’d taken her coat off and put her bag tidily in the corner of the entrance way.

“Feeling pretty rough then?” Harry asked, flicking on the lamp on the table beside the sofa. It felt like the cosy winter night it was. The lightbulbs Harry had chosen were dim, golden, inoffensive to Molly’s slightly sensitive eyes, and the rain was tickling against the glass gently.

“Yeah.” Molly nodded, jutting her bottom lip out a little, making Harry chuckle.

“Oh dear, poor Lolly.” Harry sympathised enthusiastically. “Do you think you should book a doctors appointment?” Harry asked, stepping a little closer to Molly, rolling his bottom lip into his mouth and chewing on it a little.

“Nah I’m not registered here and I’m not going all the way home for what I’m certain is just a cold.” Molly shrugged, toying with the sleeves of her hoodie.

“You’re not registered here!?” Harry gawped his head shooting forward and his eyes widening enough to crease his forehead. Molly just shook her head. She’d just never bothered, never really gotten around to it, and she rarely went to the doctors anyway, it felt rather pointless. “You should register here, what if it wasn’t just a cold?” Harry pressed, folding his arms across himself loosely.

“Yeah but it is, so it doesn’t matter.” Molly assured, maintaining eye contact with Harry as she did so. Molly saw his jaw tighten and she knew he wanted to argue the point. It only took a second though and he seemed to decide it was pointless, sighing and letting the tension leak out of him until he seemed relaxed again.

“What if it gets worse?” Harry asked quietly, and it was Molly’s turn to roll her eyes.

“If it gets worse, which it won’t, it’s a cold, I’ll think about going to the doctors.” Molly bargained monotonously. Of course she appreciated the concern, but she still wished Harry would listen to her and trust her when she was telling him she was ok. She was. She had a cold, maybe a bad cold, but a cold nonetheless.

“Want a bath before dinner?” Harry offered and Molly was visibly taken back, but Harry didn’t seem fazed just walked past her and headed for the bathroom. Molly turned to watch him go, open the bathroom door and turn the light on. “I’ve got some bath oil that’s good for colds, and a couple candles, baths always help.” Harry was chatting away, head in the under sink cupboard when Molly rounded the bathroom door, peering in as Harry fell back onto his knees inspecting a small, brown glass bottle, a purple label across it. “How do you feel about lavender?” Harry asked, looking up to Molly from where he was sat.

“Sure, but you don’t have to do this, I’m happy just chilling on the couch with you for the evening.” Molly told him, her hands holding onto the door frame gently, tipping her head to rest against it too.

“Nah, a bath will do you good, I’ll rustle up some soup while you’re in here.” Harry told her as he got to his feet and flicked the bath taps on, flicking his finger tips under the stream to check the water. “If you don’t feel better after this, you really might have to go to the doctors.” Harry jested with a smirk.

“Best make it good then, cause I’m not going to the doctors.” Molly sung sarcastically, Harry just huffing a sort of laugh as he turned his head from Molly to the bath slowly filling with water.

The tub was huge, deeper than the grandiose bath in her mother and father’s ensuite that never got used. Molly sunk into the warm water, the lights dimmed and candles lit around the room, the way Harry had left it for her, before he called her back to the bathroom to get undressed for her bath. There was black fluffy towel on the radiator keeping warm for when she was done, and Harry had left a bottle of shower gel beside the bath for her as well, the same one from last time. He’d apologised for his lack of feminine scents, but Molly had told him she didn’t mind and actually quite liked the smell of his shower gel, which had left her blushing and eager to shut the door, and Harry smirking knowingly, reading between the lines the way he did so well.

Harry was of course right, the bath instantly eased the ache in her limbs and she felt lighter for it as she closed her eyes and let out a contented sigh. The lavender oils that was coming off the water, through the mountains of bubbles that covered Molly entirely, eased her stuffy nose a little and helped relax her entirely. Molly had never had a bath like it, but she doubted she could go back to the plain water baths she was used to. Baths had never been Molly’s thing, she’d always preferred showers, but baths like the ones Harry had drawn for her, she could get used to those.

It was so tranquil, and despite the cold, Molly had never felt so relaxed. There wasn’t a sound apart from the occasional ripple of the water as she moved, or a slight sound of Harry in the kitchen. For the first time in three days Molly genuinely felt ok, rather than that she was running on empty with a constant headache.

Slowly she opened her eyes. Molly had no idea how long she’d been laying in the bath, but the temperature of the water had started to drop. With a sigh she pulled herself up, but apparently a little too quickly as her vision took a moment to catch up with her head. Even when it did, it still felt fuzzy and a little light. Molly just shook her head and got to her feet stepping out of the bath and reaching for the towel all in one movement. It was as she was wrapping the towel around her dripping wet body though, that her vision started to blur and spot even more.

It was an unfamiliar sensation, like somewhere between lying in the bath and getting out of it she’d forgotten her head. It felt light and disassociated with her body. It sounded like her ear drums were humming, and there was a severe sensation of nausea in her throat. Molly reached out for the light switch and flicked it on, wondering if it was the oddly low lighting that was making her feel out of sorts. It made no odds though, if anything it made it worse, her head started to pound, harder than it had all day, as well as feel fuzzy and disconnected to anything tangible.

Steadily Molly sat herself on the closed toilet seat lid and took a few deep breaths. She’d heard about people passing out, but it had never happened to her before, she had an idea that was what happening though, or trying to happen as her head only felt stranger and more dark spots made their way over her vision. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, but that didn’t make the spots disappear, instead the outskirts of her vision just got dark and hazy too.

“Harry.” Molly called loudly, her heart rate increasing somewhat and her breathing getting faster along with it. There was a low ringing noise in her ear, but she couldn’t hear anything over it, unable to tell if Harry was coming or not she called for him louder. “Harry!” She cried, staring at the door waiting for it to open. Every part of her was shaking, though her skin felt clammy and hot.

“You ok?” Molly heard him shout through the door over the din in her noise. Of course he was being polite and wasn’t about to just barge through the door, but Molly half wished he would as she began to find it harder to see and breathe, panic setting in.

“I think I’m going to pass out.” Molly sputtered loudly, and then the door did swing open aggressively, flying nearly off its hinges as Harry rushed in. Through the dark parts of her vision and the spots Molly could just about make out the blurry edges of Harry coming towards her. Tears were beginning to gather in her eyes which only made it harder to make him out, until he was in front of her, kneeling on the tiles and holding her shoulders firmly. “I can’t see.” Molly shook, quaking under Harry’s grasp.

“It’s ok, you’re ok,” Harry started suredly, his grip on her holding her steady. “Put your head down.” Harry instructed moving to the side a little and encouraging her to bend over herself. One of his hands slid from the top of her arm along her back, resting across her spine, the large expanse of it covering a vast part of her middle back. She could feel the warmth from his wrist to the tips of his fingers but the shivering didn’t stop, and the nausea just kept rising and falling, as if on the worst rollercoaster of her life. “Lolly, relax, I’m here, I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.” There was promise in his voice, and Molly couldn’t, not believe him.

You’re ok. Molly repeated in her head, taking slow deep breaths and grounding herself in the feeling of her lungs filling and emptying as she did so, and Harry’s hand gentle but steady on her back. He’s here. She reminded herself, noting how she could just feel the softness of his breath on her bare shoulder, like candy floss brushing against her skin, but warmer. He’s not going to let anything happen to you. Steadily she lifted her head, her vision seemed to be coming back, the spots decreasing and the blurry edges solidifying again.

“Steady.” Harry advised, moving background in front of her as Molly lifted her head and blinked, slowly, a few times, bringing Harry into focus.

“It’s ok, I can see now.” Molly told him quietly, clearing her throat from how it had clenched up around the panic she’d felt.

“Your head?” Harry asked gently, his forearms resting on her bent knees so his hands could reach her arms and cradle them.

“Still a little light.” Molly told him.

“Feel sick?” He questioned, and Molly nodded. “Ok, just calm down for a sec.” Harry instructed relaxing a little bit as Molly began to swallow on nothing and calm herself down. Under his touch her skin was sticky from a light sweat, it didn’t worry him in the slightest though, he just brushed the pad of his thumb against her goose pimpled arms. “Bit low on sugar?” Harry guessed. “What did you eat today?” Molly thought back on her day. She hadn’t eaten with Amanda, or since then. That morning, she’d attempted a bowl of cereal but hadn’t got very far with it before deciding on an apple for breakfast. “Have you eaten today?”

“An apple.” Molly told him honestly, wincing a little, already expecting the reaction she would get.

“An apple!?” Harry shot. “Lolly, you’ve gotta eat? Why haven’t you eaten anything?”

“I just forgot.” Molly told him, again honestly. In the blur of meeting Amanda and getting to university only to get sent home, food hadn’t come to her mind. Apart from that, she didn’t exactly have an appetite.

“How do you forget to eat?” Harry sighed, shaking his head as his lips twisted a little. Molly just shrugged. “Nevermind, how’s your head feeling?”

“Better, just sore.” Molly told him, and Harry nodded.

“Come lie down for a minute.” Harry suggested, moving back and taking Molly’s hands. They stood up together hand in hand, Harry steading Molly with an arm around her middle once they were on their feet. Molly held the towel around herself with one hand, she had it tucked into itself, but she didn’t want it to fall down. As they were leaving the bathroom, Harry grabbed Molly’s clothes from where she’d folded them on the floor and led her out to his bedroom. “Just have a lie down for a bit.” Harry told her, his arm sliding from around her, though his other one still held onto one of hers as she sat down and swung around, lying back on the perfectly made bed. “I’ll just grab you some water.”

Harry disappeared from the bedroom and Molly made herself more comfortable, making sure she was well covered by the towel before he came back. It felt like two steps back, the bath had been glorious, but she felt worse that she had before thanks to the turn. When Harry came back seconds later with a large pint glass of water she smiled at him, scooting over so he could sit on the edge of the bed beside her.

“Just sip it.” He told her, handing the glass to Molly and taking the seat she’d made for him, as she thanked him . Molly did as she was asked taking a small sip and relishing in the ice cold water running down her throat. Harry watched, eyes scanning over her as if looking for marks or injuries. Of course there were none to find but even then the worried look didn’t run off his face easily. The concern was swimming in his eyes as he looked at Molly and tugged at his bottom lip with bare fingers. “I think you might be more ill than you think.” Harry pointed out.

“I’m fine,” Molly implored, enjoying the cold glass in her hand refreshing her clammy skin. “Just a funny five minutes.” She shrugged.

“You need to go to the doctors.” Harry asserted strongly, wide eyed and serious as he stared at Molly.

“Harry, I am not going all the way home for-”

“I’ll drive you.” Harry interrupted, twisting a little to face Molly properly. One of his legs bent to allow him a proper seat on the bed, his knee leaning on Molly’s leg gently.

“No, no, definitely not.” Molly told him shaking her head.

“Lolly-”

“Harry no, it’s four hours, you are not, I am not going home to the doctors end of conversation.”  Molly told him, cutting him off before he could even try and barter with her.

“Loll-”

“Harry-”

“No listen to me.” Harry cut over her shrill annunciation of his name. Molly’s nostrils flared as she fumed, biting her jaw together and waiting for him to try and convince him to let her drive her home. She wouldn’t she knew that. “You are ill, you look exhausted, you sound like you smoke fifty a day, you nearly passed out in my bathroom, you need to see a doctor.” Harry told her, measured and calm.

“No Harry, it’s not happening, I will be fine, and you are not driving me all the way home, so just forget it.” Molly finished and it was Harry’s turn to tighten his jaw and flare his nostrils, clearly dissatisfied with Molly’s response. “You can’t keep doing this.” Molly told him, softening a little.

“I can.” Harry hissed, not dropping Molly’s eyes for a second as he did so.

“Well I’m putting my foot down this time.” Molly told him, not caring for his petulant attitude, or giving into it.

“Can we compromise?” Harry suggested gently.

“Depends.”

“If it gets worse-”

“It won’t.” Molly cut in, and Harry tilted his head at her, unimpressed with her unwillingness to even let him talk.

“If it’s no better by Thursday, you will book a doctors appointment and let me take you home.” Harry bargained pointedly. Molly sighed and fluttered her eyes a little.

“If it’s no better by Thursday, which it will be, I will consider booking an appointment ok?” Molly pledged with honest eyes. Of course she would keep to her word, but she knew she’d be feeling better by tomorrow morning, she was sure of it, so she knew it would never come to that. And all she’d promised was to consider it anyway. There was no way, come hell or high water, Molly intended on letting Harry drive her the four hours home for a doctors appointment.

“Fine.” Harry gave in sinking a little into the bed. His eyes were a little lazy, soft, despite his mild frustration. They made Molly want to grab his arm and pull him up the bed beside her. Of course she didn’t, she just stared into his butter wouldn’t melt gaze and tried not to lose her mind. “I’m gonna go finish dinner, you chill for a minute, take your time, no rush.” Harry smiled lightly standing slowly from the bed and glancing back at Molly, combing his hair back out of his face with long fingers.

“Thank you Harry, for all of this.” Molly told him, the constant feeling that she didn’t tell him enough, and never told him how it made her feel, or how much he meant to her, as present as ever.

“Anything for you Lolly.” Molly’s heart fluttered and sunk at the same time, as Harry offered her a warm smile before striding out of the room. There was no doubt in her mind that when Harry said anything he meant it literally, and she couldn’t help that the idea of that terrified her a little.

A/N Hey guys, hope you like this one as much as I do. Be sure to let me know if you do and what you think. Where do we think it’s going from here!? 

If you missed them the instas for the last five chapters are up so be sure to check them out.

As always thanks for all the love on this so far, it really means a lot that you’re all enjoying it so much <3

Have a great weekend, Love I x

[himbosims]

The Simself Challenge? Is that what this is called? I have no idea. . .

The challenge is basically to make a simself then answer a fuck ton of question so here we are. Thanks @willowbomb and @sim-borg for tagging me. I’ll tag: whoever wants to do this because idk who hasn't done this yet

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Taylor

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? My childhood nickname was Tot. My friends call me d*ke and slut though so hey

3. BIRTHDAY? July 23, 2001

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? Series definitely The Mortal Instruments or the Infernal Artifacts by Cassandra Clare

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? Both i think, definitely aliens. I don't fuck with ghosts and all that because I don't want to die

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? Right now my favs are Adam Silvera and Becky Albertalli

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? Where I live we have five stations, one that plays music from the 30’s all the time, three country, and one that says it plays pop but ends up playing country anyways. So, none.

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? Idk man, thats a loaded question. Probably vanilla

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? ??? lit… idk dude I was trying to think of something that's weird but I can't think of anything

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? Be My Mistake by The 1975 or Not Warriors by Waterparks

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? Serious answer, lunacy (there's a reason its my username) not as serious, I just heard someone outside yell for the chillin’s and I started laughing because that word is great

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO?  I’m currently listening to From Eden by Hozier

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? Shameless, Glee, Shadowhunters, Grey’s. I could go on.

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN?Love, Simon, Call Me By Your Name, or The Perks of Being a Wallflower

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? Obviously

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? Spiders and needles

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? nothing

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? Everything, in seriousness, my selfishness or narcissism,  

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? Cats are my favorites but dogs are cool

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? fall

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? Never have been

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? NOT AS MUCH STRESS

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? Irl- my friend EJ. Online- @hallowiamshebsims

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? Green

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? brown

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? Read 23

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? Read 23

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? Read 23

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? I don't remember the last time I was excited for something

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? Writing I think

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? Hannah Montana, Ned Declassified, Drake and Josh, Flapjack, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Chowder, Rugrats. I'm a true early Gen Z kid

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? My girl best friend, I dont tell him everything because i'm a secretive bitch

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? Nah

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? Read 16

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? Both

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? Writing, reading, creating imaginary worlds to live in

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? I am almost done with History Is All You Left me by Adam Silvera and oh boy that book

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Paranorman: “You’re gonna love my boyfriend, he’s like a total chick flick nut.”

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? N/A

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? Cats

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? @hallowiamshebsims @simmerberlin @willowbomb @pollinationqueen @gunthermnch

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? The ability to always have the money to pay for things

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? My room probably

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? People falling down, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJq4jWSQNd

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? That’s cute

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? Coffee

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? I have two teachers that are really weird about phones and talking in class so we pass notes instead

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? Nah

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? LOUD EATERS

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? I went to a christian concert when I was like 5 so there's that

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? Nope, I live in the south how do you expect me to not eat meat

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? Teacher since I live in the south and that's the only jobs beside retail or waitress in my town

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? The Shadow World, but I wanna be a warlock, not a dumb shadowhunter lol

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? Everything

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? I’m afraid of what's in the dark, which is a hard ass way to say yes

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? All the time but im tone deaf so its bad

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? If I was sick, yeah. Other than that, I did twice. Once because I had a really bad panic attack right before the bus got to my house and I called my mom claiming I was really sick, and once a few weeks ago because my dog got sprayed by a skunk therefore making me smell like a skunk

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? uhhhhhhh

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? New York City, LA, San Francisco, Toronto, Portland, London. Any big city to be honest

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? A dog and three cats

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? Both. I sometimes stay up super late and sometimes i'm up really early. And if I can actually force myself out of bed I can get a lot done in either of those times

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? Sunrises

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? Yeah but im gay so its not good driving l

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? Everything that wont break in a week

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? Nah

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? I don't really have a favorite, I listen to all kinds of stuff

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? Uhhhhh, Deadpool, or Spiderman

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? Nope

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? It takes a lot to make me angry but when im angry it's bad and I forget what i do when i was angry so i don't really know

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? Real

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? English and Creative Writing

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? Younger sister, younger step brother

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? A starbucks coffee last night

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5’7 or something

75. CAN YOU COOK? Depends on what i'm cooking

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? Books, music, friends

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? Racists, homophobes, sexists- so basically most the people in my town (hell what am i kidding, this side of the Mason-Dixon line)

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? One of each

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? I am on the ace spectrum and I am panromantic

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? ‘Merica the brave

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? Sheb

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Like, yesterday

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? CallMeKevin RTGame The Shane Dawson squad

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? sometimes

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP?I guess this hell site

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE?My mom and I are kinda close, i don't really talk to my dad much (even though I live with him half the week)

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? Aussie, British, Scottish, Irish… all of them

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? Everywhere that’s not my state and the ones touching it

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 23

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? notta

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? Yes, but not crazy religious. I just believe in fate and that there is some type of higher power

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? Nasa bitch

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? I have an issue with adrenaline. As in, although i am an anxious person with too much adrenaline anyways I like to do things that give me a rush of adrenaline

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? I can't have my eyes pierced because I'm allergic to metal in the sense of having it in my body

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? Yep

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? Nope

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? Next question

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? I mean netiehr, but i'm not a huge fan of sand

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? You’ve made it through your worst day before, you can do it again

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? I think so

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Sytherlin, not surprise

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? I’m talking to myself right now

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? Introvert

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? Nah, my writing is kind alike my diary

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? I give people too many chances

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Check the ID, maybe take the money and leave it in a bush or something. I don’t know

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? For sure

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? Please don’t  tickle me

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? Nope

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? Read question 94

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? Alec Lightwood or Magnus Bane, but young Alec because I can't be friends with 27 year old Alec

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? Scared of needles, remember?

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? Doing things for me

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? YES

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? Both

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? Not really but if my future partner wants some i’d be open to talk about it

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? My ex-best friend. I used to hate how she never had to try to get good grades or be good at things, she just was

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? All my memories are embarrassing if you look close enough

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? At least twice a month

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? Nutruels and black

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? Sure

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? I think I wa son the news once

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 17

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? I have a lot, “Words have the power to change us.” “perhaps it is because of time that we suffer.” “I remain a work in progress until I die.” “The thing you are most afraid to write, write that.” I could go on

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? Sweet

[spektijim]

Hey everyone! It’s 23rd of September, Bi Visibility Day, so I thought I’d post something about bisexuality.

Seems a lot of being bi is about busting myths – or rather, taking down negative stereotypes – and here’s one that’s always niggled me: that bisexual people find it easy to get dates. This is typified by the Woody Allen Quote:

‘Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on a Saturday night’

There is a second quote, found on AllTheTropes.com, attributed to Ellen Hayes (though I can’t find its origin) which counters this…

‘Being bisexual gives you two chances to get told ‘No way in Hell!’ on a Saturday night.’

Now, neither of these are completely true, both of both of them, the second is definitely closer the mark.

Welcome To The Microcosm Club

So, say we have a club, on a Saturday night. Drink is flowing, people are dancing, there is every chance of sexy times. And in this room are 100 people, including you, representing a microcosm of society. So of the remaining 99 people, 50 are of one sex and 49 of the other.

NB: Being non-binary myself, I was tempted to include all the awesome folks who don’t fit into either camp – unfortunately the maths just gets too complex for me – and for a short blog! Also, from the cursory research I did it seems that the percentage of people who identify outside the gender binary is currently less than 0.5%, and so it gets automatically rounded out… I realise that this also supports the myth that bisexuality is trans-exclusionary and I promise I will do more on this topic in future – for now I’m keeping it simple and boring.

Now, say you have it all – you’re gorgeous, super charismatic, rich, well dressed and intelligent. You have the best possible chances for finding a mate. If you are heterosexual, you have 49 potential partners – so a 50% chance – of scoring. But do you? Actually, if this is a microcosm of society, a percentage of those people will be gay.

Why they are here in this club rather than in the other one down the road where everyone is gay and they give away free condoms and dental dams rather than having to pay for them in the toilet, I don’t know, but lets say they are.

That percentage varies wildly in various studies, but we can be generous and go back to the old Kinsey report guestimate that roughly 10% of the population are ‘Kinsey 6’, exclusively homosexual. 10 people, and (with all being equal), 5 men and 5 women.

So take away 5% – those who aren’t attracted to you – and you have a 45% chance of scoring with a member of the other sex. That means if you are homosexual, your chances are reduced to only 5% – only 5 of the people will be potentially attracted to you and you attracted to them. Actually, only 4%, since you represent one of the 10 people in the room who are gay.

So, how does it work for bisexuals? Take that 45% of potential other sex partners and the 5% of potential same sex partners (now that you are no longer in that dating pool) and add them together it seems like bisexual people have a near 50% chance of getting laid. Right? Would that it were so simple.

No Chance In Hell

As it happens, both heterosexual and homosexual people have expressed that they aren’t too keen on date bisexuals.

A study from 2016 from sexy sex website Adam and Eve came up with the unpleasant statistic that 41% of men and 49% of women would not be happy to date a bisexual person, with 15% of men and 23% of women unsure. For whatever reason that is – and there might be many – if you’re trying to get laid as a bisexual, that will skew things a bit.

NB: These stats do not cite sexual orientation – if you know of any studies which do, please do forward them to me

So, if you are female – looking for heterosexual men and homosexual women – then 41% of that 45% (actually now 44.5% because you are now counted among as a lone bisexual rather than as the 10% of homosexual people which skews the total but the difference is so negligable we’ll just stick with 45%) and 49% of that 5% won’t want to date you, no matter how sexy and smart you are

Leaving out the ‘unsures’ as well, that leaves 44% of 45% (20% approx.) and 28% of 5% (1% approx.) left. So we add those together and get…

Total: 21%

If you’re male – looking for heterosexual women and homosexual men – then 72% of the 45% and 56% of the 5% either won’t date you or are unsure…

45 * 0.28 = 13% 5 * 0.44 =  2% (approx.)

Total: 15%

Halving Your Chances

That’s right, kids – far from doubling chances, being a bisexual person actually reduces your chances of getting a date.

If you’re a bisexual women it’s less than half a heterosexual person – a bisexual man, it’s just a third. You’ll get more chance than a homosexual person, but are still massively more likely – just on a statistical basis – to end up with a member of the other sex, rather than the one gay person in the club who is cool with dating a bisexual.

NB: This also helps, I hope, to explain the whole ‘Why do Bi people only seem to date members of the opposite sex?’ question that crops up all the time

But wait, Spekti, I hear you say (because I can in fact hear your thoughts) – what about other the bisexuals? If we use the Kinsey report again, there are around 11 ‘Kinsey 3’ men in the room and 7 ‘Kinsey 3’ women – 18%. That means an additional 17 people (you are one of the bis, remember) might chose you as their Saturday night date – which reduces the number of potential heterosexual partners to 36 (36+36+5+5+11+7=100)

So the totals are now…

Bi Women – 17% + (5%*0.28) + (36%*0.44) = 17%+1%+16%= 34%

Bi Men – 17% + (5%*0.44)+(36%*0.28) = 17% + 2% + 10% = 28%

Still a good way behind those heteroes. Also, if we use a different measure from the office of National Statistics in the UK, from a survey in 2015, only 0.6% of the UK population identify as Bi. That means that, if we are being generous and rounding up, there will be one bisexual person in the room. And in this example, that’s YOU. Tough luck, kiddo.

Why I Don’t Like It

So, apart from being mathematically incorrect, why don’t I like the myth around the original quote? It seems to be that there are several poisonous things about it.

Firstly, the idea that bisexuality is about volume – it’s about the AMOUNT of people who you sleep with and want to sleep with. Even polyamorous pansexual people (or PPPs, as no one has ever referred to them before and never will again) aren’t in it for the notches in the bedpost. This is still about individuals, and the deeply intimate connections one can form with them.

Secondly, it seems to promote the idea of bisexuality as kind of Sexual Pascal’s Wager – people will go with it as a label because it helps them get laid. I mean, what have you got to lose by being bi? It can only help your chances, right? Well, as we’ve seen, wrong.

But I think what worries me most is that it portrays being being all happy fun times – it must be great to be bi! Think how sexy it must be! And sometimes it is. Particularly if you go to an event like BiCon, like I did for the first time this year.

But mostly it isn’t great.

In this example, we had one person (you, remember) being ‘the bi at the club’. This is lonely enough as it is, but in reality this bi might not make it to the club. Or out of the house at all. According to various studies (links below) Bisexual people are far more likely to suffer from mental illnesses like anxiety and depression. They are also far more likely to contemplate suicide. This is borne from having one’s identity invalidated, over and over again, by those close to you, by strangers, by the media and politicians. We’re getting better, but we still have a way to go.

In Conclusion

Bisexuality doesn’t double your chances on a Saturday Night – it’s not about ‘doubling your chances’. It’s about finding individual people attractive – sexuality, romantically, socially – without gender being a barrier.

Love, Spekti

Studies on Bisexuality and Mental Health…

San Francisco Human Rights Commission – Bi Invisibility

http://sf-hrc.org//sites/default/files/Documents/HRC_Publications/Articles/Bisexual_Invisiblity_Impacts_and_Recommendations_March_2011.pdf

Perceived Determinants of Mental Health for Bisexual People: A Qualitative Examination

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2820049/

The Bisexuality Report: Bisexual Inclusion in LGBT equality and diversity

https://www3.open.ac.uk/media/fullstory.aspx?id=22987

(NB: Link to the actual report is broken on this page but the summary is here)

Bisexuality Doubles Your Chances – Proved Wrong With Pie-Charts Hey everyone! It’s 23rd of September, Bi Visibility Day, so I thought I’d post something about bisexuality.

[jokermatt]

My race to catch the Oscar films was on… Host or not! Here’s my take on the contenders.

2018 was the first year I managed to watch every Academy Award Best Picture nominee before the award ceremony. It wasn’t just a 90th edition thing – I’d been trying for years, even after a category increase doubled the pain at the start of the decade. Last year, it helped that many of the contenders surfaced at the right time (Awards Season, right?), but that’s not always a given. This year I had a glimmer of a chance, having caught just one film when the field was announced, and that was Marvel’s chronological outlier.

Controversies

This year’s shortlist made for a rather extraordinary year even if not for the quality of the films, which fell below last year’s bar. But behind the scenes… Marvel’s powerful Black Panther surfaced just after last year’s ceremony and was a surprise addition to the list, mainly because it wasn’t even the blockbuster studio’s best film of 2018. But it had a swagger and an incredible weight outside its narrative that Oscar was astute to pick up. Vice was the most polarising film to earn a Best Picture nomination, but its vivid and startling approach to political biopic is tellingly two Presidents old.

While the ultimate Hollywood remake, A Star Is Born, found its star fading as the Award Season approached, Roma‘s credentials were bolstered by a Best Film BAFTA win earlier in February, which promised a remarkable shift in the industry as a streamed Netflix production – albeit from one of the great directors. Green Book emerged at the end of 2018, as incapable of avoiding incidents on its journey to awards as the road trip it portrays. Many critics piled on apathy, others accused it of taking huge liberties, playing a racism card they thought had disappeared or forcing a purposefully white perspective. This wasn’t helped by criticism from (supporting character) Don Shirley’s family, or Viggo Mortensen’s poor choice of words on the promotion circuit. Discredited tweets surfaced from the co-writer’s 2015 stream, expressing some extraordinary opinions on 9/11. And director Peter Farrally was dogged by revealtions of sexual misconduct on film sets during the 1990s. The odds seemed stacked against it, but the man behind There’s Something About Mary did survive to hit the podium.

Unlike Brian Singer who was removed from history – possibly the first director not to receive a tribute from his Oscar-winning lead actor. He was removed from the troubled production of Bohemian Rhapsody a fair way through shooting (which I thought was a major contributor to its extremely dodgy editing until it picked up Best Editing!). This was more than compounded by the mounting sexual assault allegations that saw his name removed from the BAFTA director shortlist just days before that ceremony. None of this dented the film’s prospects. Bohemian Rhapsody has powered on through critique and sing-along alike to more than double its musical rival’s box office haul – second only to Black Panther on the list.

Allies

But box office isn’t everything, and certainly not something that links these films. Of course not, the Oscars hardly ever rewards those numbers. Still, there are many themes that do connect them. The Trump-era hasn’t made its presence truly felt yet (as proved as it is disproved by Vice), but true stories, or adaptations of them, dominated five of the eight films. Social justice and civil rights were also strong, nothing new in itself, but certainly in the diversity shown by Green Book and BlackkKlansman and Black Panther. Gender and LGBT politics were alive and well and represented in five of the picks, at least. And the age-old story of fame, perhaps now confirmed as Hollywood’s greatest story, was key to two of the shortlist’s big box-office hitters.

Autocues

The ceremony itself was surprisingly hitch-free; in fact, it could hardly have set a better argument for a revolving stage, from Queen’s loaded opener to Julia Robert’s professional farewell. The effective Me Too suite of dresses that filled the Dolby Theatre in 2018, highlighting poor red carpet questions as much as Frances McDormand’s speech, was replaced by a wave of pink, all the way to Jason Momoa’s dapper Karl Lagerfeld tux. Naturally, there were jabs at Trump, but the appeals for love outnumbered them. A particular emphasis fell on the song nominees, and not just because of May, Taylor and Lambert’s opening of Champions. There was also Cooper and Gaga’s laidback gossip-grinder.

An eclectic number of hosts popped out to introduce the Best Picture nominees – I was particularly taken by the brilliant Tom Morello introducing Vice. No questions there, he’s one of the most articulate political performers out there. More of him please. There were peaks and troughs, lulls and guarantees, but the broad smattering of surprise results crept up as the ceremony progressed. Few expected Bohemian Rhapsody to claim Best Editing (least of all Twitter memes), but absolutely no one expected it to claim the most awards. It was clear as the balance grew that the shortlist of potential Best Picture Winners had broadened by two-thirds of the way through, prompting me to lay down the pizza and fried chicken to Tweet:

https://twitter.com/Jokermatt/status/1099874223277907969

Here’s my verdict on the Oscar picks of 2019:

Black Panther

Limited by the near-year that’s passed since its release, Black Panther remains a stunning film, but rather more for the way it transcended the Marvel mould. You may argue, correctly, that the tent-pole perfection of the MCU‘s highest grossing film (and fourth highest of all time) outshone it, but that’s to miss the point that Infinity War was a part-sequel to this Wakandan epic. Black Panther deserved its nomination whatever naysayers maintained in the run-up, but more for what it represented than the solid and occasional sparkling content.

For me, its inescapable error comes right at the end. Enduring a decade of valid complaints that MCU villains rarely stray from the hero-opposite or mundane, Black Panther produced a believable, three-dimensional villain with legitimate complaints that resonated in the early 21st century. And then killed him. A huge mistake, and interestingly one not repeated in DC’s December smash Aquaman. Hugely entertaining fun, DC’s effort wouldn’t trouble the Oscars (surprisingly on the special effects scale) and drew comparisons with Marvel’s Thor and Black Panther. But what it lacked in social metaphor, it reprieved when it managed not to (spoiler ahead) massacre its Royal pretender.

BlacKkKlansman

BlacKkKlansman will be remembered for Spike Lee’s antics during and after claiming a long-deserved Oscar on the 24 February as much as for being a brilliant and charged film. Entertaining, powerful, exquisitely cast and supremely directed. It’s arguably Lee’s most outwardly accessible film and brought many back to the director’s work, but it’s also tricky. The ending stutters leaving a dissatisfaction that questions Lee’s rage at Green Book.

But, it’s confidence isn’t lacking, probably only matched by The Favourite on this list. In the central role, John David Washington brings quiet and captivating gusto, brimming with risk and charisma. Adam Driver makes for solid watching as always, extending the potential for mainstream mumblecore with every performance. While BlackkKlansman is glorious in embarrassing the Klan, the threat never softens, the commentary is full of rage and there is far more than one aspect of civil rights and anti-discrimination in its long sights. That’s an astonishing achievement but then there’s also… The mighty Harry Belafonte in cameo of the year.

Bohemian Rhapsody

Before the Oscars, The Guardian‘s Peter Bradshaw mischievously suggested Rami Malek’s central and overwhelming performance has a bit of “Tonight Matthew” about it. Even if many of us know very well what he means, to represent Freddy Mercury is to present the ideal and the concept as much as the man. Malek balanced that with super-real brilliance. Only the Chinese censors can begrudge him that. And BoRhap brought that same zeal to almost every area of its production, troubled or otherwise. That mostly  includes stretching the elastic of artistic license further than any other fact-inspired film here. I can forgive the odd dramatic addition of say, a false band break-up, or the bringing forward of Mercury’s diagnosis by two years. But the sheer short-hand cheek of suggesting Queen set the phone’s ringing at Live Aid is really beyond the pail. I’m sure the brevity of those scenes is a sign of its embarassment.

Somehow, which is testament to the legend of Freddy Mercury as much as the ridiculous artistic license, it really does stay with you in the days that follow. There’s something there… Which certainly helped it to its four awards to join its near $900m haul.

The Favourite

Brilliantly named, as Joanna Lumley failed to make sound hilarious at the BAFTAs earlier this month. I have to say it. Apart from the gloriously entertaining camerawork, performances, and production design, this is the Best Picture nominee that made me laugh most.

The Favourite basks in its silliness and unsettling period menace.  The balance of Yorgos Lanthimos’ direction and the creeping surreality that never slips to parody, marks it as another classic view of England that’s cast pitch perfectly by a foreign eye (see also, the Rachel Weiss-starring Meirelles classic, The Constant Gardener). There may be moments that Olivia Colman is incredibly and unmistakably Olivia Colman, but it’s true – she turns in a performance here that has never been seen before. In a way the balance to Bohemian Rhapsody this season, major award for major award, regally and factually.

Cannot wait to see what Yorgos can bring back to the Oscars. He will.

Green Book

At last, a film about fried chicken! Well, a couple of scenes, anyway. Well, one scene and a punchline.

All finger-licken food of the gods aside, there’s no doubt Green Book starts with a heavy-hand, and that lasts well into the picture. Easily seen as a sign of old-fashioned racial storytelling, it didn’t endear it to many but it may be a necessary trade-off. Whether it’s a pointless throwback or unnecessary and unwanted addition to the genre, by the end of film, for all the keys it hits and misses and many of the more obvious detours it takes along the way, it really has gone on a journey and swept you along with it. It could be a number of factors that provide that warmth, from Christmas to the pinpoint period to the stirring of wonderful piano, but they all combined to overcome the wave of bad-publicity it brought with it to the Awards circuit. I’m pretty sure its broad old-fashionedness is what elevated it in a year marked with several other film pitfalls. Two highly classical, to the point of stylised, performances certainly helped. Whether it will stay in the memory remains to be seen.

Roma

Here was one of the category’s creeping controversies. Roma‘s success at the BAFTA’s triggered a protest from the Vue cinema chain at the accolades bestowed on a film born from streaming. Roma has received a limited theatre release, one that will no doubt grow and many pine for, but its home will always be at Netflix. the home giant will make sure of that.

As such, it could never sit comfortably in an Academy berth. Like Green Book, Roma takes us on a period journey, this time deftly exploring early 1970s Mexico through Alfonso Cuaron’s breathtaking cinematography and frequent, stunning pans and tracks. It’s a gentle giant in many ways and particularly notable for the unique black and white mix, intended by the helmer to be quite different to anything seen on screen before. That really shouldn’t have been a surprise from the Oscar-winnng director of Gravity, it may be to legions of home viewers. I feel a tad bad suggesting that it wasn’t the best monochrome feature in consideration at the awards. For me, it doesn’t capture the sparse dramatic brilliance of Cold War, though I’m aware my European eyes could be blinding me – it’s not the only film I’ll be watching on its post-awards trajectory with interest.

In many ways, this year’s Get Out. While it had the power and momentum to shake the Academy’s tree (streaming versus young pretender Blumhouse), it lacked the sizzling contemporary resonance or genre-twisitng.

That said, Roma is a rare film in capturing a past and fictional life and tracking it perfectly to our everyday. That’s a mean feat and it comes with such simple, brilliant catharis at the end that reaffirms it all, before pouring into the most restful closing scene and credits in living memory.

A Star Is Born

Here’s where the story’s blown… Sorry, I haven’t seen A Star is Born.

That’s despite being offered a free ticket outside a cinema when I was about to watch Halloween (again, and Oscar-shunned that is too!). Outside a cinema is simply the worst place to offer a cinema ticket, but I digress.

Falling just outside my viewing range (Halloween!), I just couldn’t muster up the effort, mainly because of THAT song I find inexplicably popular.

I will try, and I will update. All credit to Bradley Cooper for steering a familiar story to big numbers and big reviews.

Vice

What a treat Vice is. Bravura film-making, that takes the time to craft, with shocks, as it walks the tightrope between humour and terrifying reality.

Yes I know: It’s not for everyone.

It was always easier to predict the accolades falling to the actors in this piece (Bale! Rockwell!) rather than the magicians behind the camera. It’s a shame the film’s Oscars will be mostly remembered for the make-up crew’s absolutely abysmal speech. Bless them.

Some of Vice is utterly audacious and jaw-dropping, doing exactly what film-making should. Here’s hoping this is the start, or perhaps the next evolutionary step, of new studio-backed and overtly challenging craftsmanship, than it is the promise of more vice presidents of the Cheney-mould to come.

Honourary mentions

Spider-man: Into the Spiderverse

I fitted in Spiderverse because, well, word of mouth and the Best Animated Picture nod. Oh and that and the Sony-renaissance that has signalled a real change of fortune and quality two years after the peak of misfiring Ghostbusters and Pixels.

Maybe they were right all along, Spiderman can rival the MCU on his own. Pulling Brian Michael Bendis’ Ultimate Spider-Man into the theatres and packing in a ridiculously number of canon-stuffed in-jokes under the guidance of Phil Lord, and not least a tonne of heart and soul and laughs. it proved to be a good instinct – almost supernaturally spider-sense eerie. Is this really Sony? Would they take that kind of risk? they did and it paid off in Rhinofulls. AT last comic book films are both the serious potential and opportunity for fun they should be. This was the Oscars that recognised that.

Spider-verse‘s animation takes a while to adjust to and the stakes and concept sets a minefield for a follow-up. But it earns a slight claw back on an earlier comment that buries that. Sure, The Favourite was the film that made me laugh the most among the Best Picture nominees. But this is the one that made me laugh the most full stop. that’s mainly down to Nic Cage, and possibly a hayfever jab.

Cold War

This hits the list thanks to Paweł Pawlikowski’s nomination for Best Director, even as it was cruelly denied a slot in the Best Picture category. Perhaps there wasn’t room for two films with a monochrome palette AND subtitles.

Cuaron may have won that slot with Roma, and ultimately claimed the Directing award in this category, but Pawlikowski could feel slightly aggrieved. Called an intimate two-hander by its director, it’s so much more than that. The language is reduced to the bare minimum, the time jumps and assembled scenes are immaculately precise, but brimming with emotion. There’s an extraordinary atmosphere captured in its 90 or so minutes, a good half an hour shorter than most other films here.

Pawel draws out the longer time frame from near the start of the Cold War to tell a simple love story that crosses more than borders and time to an ending of exquisite metaphorical ambiguity. It’s sublime, rivetted into place by intoxicating central performances and I’m probably being terribly obvious to place it in the grand tradition of Kieslowski. I just wish a Best Picture nod had brought it to the attention of more people.

Oscars 2019 – Catching the Best Films, Round 91 My race to catch the Oscar films was on... Host or not! Here's my take on the contenders.

[crazykendal]

This is too long

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? so no little kids would rampage in Stripes or polka dots? stripes Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? depends on who What is your gender? female Do you think that people think its obvious? i sure hope so haha

How long did your first date last? 0 seconds ;) Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? yes Highlight of your day? my old friend came over Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? dood no boats those scare the f outta me, but ive never been on a plane Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? yes. Can you cook?

yikes uh.. nope How high is your ceiling? i believe 35 feet im some parts of the house Whats the worst job you can think of? honestly idk Do you swear a lot?  what the fuck are you talking about Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? HA no Is everything working in your house? i dont think so Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? pool. Does pop give you energy? no..? TV show you love with a passion? the walking dead, and ive been watching the 100, but i love twd  a lot more Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? yeah, im a fucking prick/dick head

Perfect age to get married? who the fuck knows

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes?  i own 3 or maybe 5.. i think Name a career path that women are known for taking. doctors?? idk Favorite type of cookie? chocolate chip, i can never make them because i always come close to burning the house down A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? if anyone can understand me im good What would I find if I looked in your pocket? no pockets What was your first word? yo wassup my homies. (I say that too much, but I have no idea) A musical instrument you wouldnt mind learning how to play? DRUMSSS Last time you went to 7-eleven? months ago A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? I kinda hate most of them equally Does everyone in your family have a job? yeah Going anywhere this weekend? im going to a legally blonde musical Is your room ever clean? yeah but usually never What does it mean when youre being quiet? im mad Last person you had a face to face conversation with? my cat Wheres your phone? dude idk ive been grounded for 2 weeks ahahahah Do you know the difference between your and you’re? yes i aint no dumb bitch How late did you stay up last night? 10 pm Anyone youre ready to kill? oh hell yeah Do you need to get a tan? yes What do you want? money and love Favorite TV show as a kid? dood idk

Whats a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? Strangers Things How many times have you been in love? once Go camping or go to a party? camping Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? maybe when I was 12 How many years older than you would you date someone? I would like to date anyone in my grade, nothing over or less What was the last thing you pinky swore on? I dont swear to anything, ever, unless i care about the person usually more than my self Would you consider yourself a nice person? no. why is this even a question Are there a lot of mirrors in your house?  a lot more than I think there should be Has there ever been a serial killer in your house?  I sure hope not

Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? no True or false: Glee is annoying. true, ive never watched it but I know its annoying Last thing you cooked? grilled cheese Do you use slang often? maybe Wear glasses? yes hahahaha

About how old was the last person that hit on you? well.. no one has ever hit on me OH wait I cant say (this one girl maybe I don't her well oh god) What color are your headphones? black and red BLUETOOTH BITCHES Would you make a good teacher? Why? I would rather be some sort of leader than teacher Dont you hate those commercials that try too hard? lol some commercials are my life, like the life alert commercials. HELP IVE FALLEN AND I CANT GET UP but yeah some over them are just to much Is the fan on? I have like a ton of fans on right now Any special reason why youre taking this survey? i have nothing better to do What does the last text message you sent say?  i was telling my mom that my little sister was being a pain in the ass and that i wanted pizza hahaha

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? which friend? Friend #1, id ask her who she fucked and be really surprised. Friend #2 I wouldn't even have to ask. Friend #3 I would be shocked and possibly upset. But id get them for all of them hahahaha Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site?  i dont use my Facebook What color are your underwear? white How short are your nails? short Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? funny you ask that, id rather have the opposite sex dominant and id rather be dominant with same sex.. yep Favorite holiday? Christmas If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? yeah You're locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? spiders don't really bother me, depends on size tho Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? uhh Do you eat a lot of food? no THERE'S NO FOOD IN OUR HOUSE

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? well like a relationship relationship? maybe Have you ever had to give someone directions before? yes i forget everything but I know how to give directions like a mastermind Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? ive never driven before because im too little!! in two years i can tho hahah How many people do you text daily? usually none Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? nothing Is there anyone who you call by their last name? no What did you do on your last birthday? I dont remember I think I had a sleepover tho Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most? what Has anyone ever told you that you’re incapable of whispering? no What is your least favorite subject in school?

math and science Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? depends Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other’s face? what the actual fuck When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? a few days ago Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? no

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? does my cat count How many meals have you eaten today, so far? none and it’s 1:05 pm Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” no because they might actually be hot hahaha Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? yeahhh? depends Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? wtf is that Do you care about spending money if it’s someone else’s money? yeah What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? dude I dont really like Disney movies so none When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch? wtf no Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet? i have both in my house Who was the last person you yelled at? Why? my little little sister As a kid, did you ever go to camp? no Have you ever made out in a movie theater before? no Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument? no. When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted? hmm a few months ago Who was the last person to compliment you? idk that was over a month ago How old were you when you got to go on your first date? never have and I bet I never will :( Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective? over protective helpppp Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? what Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? chandler riggs or alycia debnam-carey? Are you the jealous type? yeah When was the last time you felt like you were high on life? when clarke and lexa had sex mwahahaha what Do you know someone who cares about themselves more than their child? yeah haha we have their kid now Do you still watch cartoons on television? no What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there?  i dont like taco bell Is there anyone currently annoying you? yes Do you have freckles? no :’( How many dogs do you have, if any at all? imaginary doggos Have you ever witnessed someone being beaten up? i couldn't say I witnessed someone being beat up I usually beat up things Do you think biting is weird or sexy? well it depends on who Would you rather be called hot or beautiful? hot but im neither hahaha Have you ever had a pet turtle before? yes Do you still sleep with your parents when you’re scared sometimes? no. Have you ever met someone with two different color eyes? nope. Have you ever felt like someone was following you? yeah

What color shirt are you wearing at the moment? white Do you enjoy going school shopping? sometimes Do you think Pug dogs are adorable or just plain ugly? I LOVE PUGS my grandpa has some and I love them so much Have you ever met someone who completely resembled their pet? haha ive never thought of that but maybe What was the worst substance you’ve spilled on yourself before? bleach Have you ever made out with more than one person in one night? no Do you think there is a soulmate out there for everyone? no defiantly not me

Do you like short or long surveys the best? long Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? no Are your siblings nice the majority of the time? depends on who Do you freak out when a thunderstorm comes along? no i live for thunderstorms How often do you shower? every other day Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? maybe How many sodas do you usually drink in one day? sometimes one but usually never Have you ever met someone who was completely weird all-around? yes shes a good friend of mine Do you ever watch any soap operas? i have no idea what that is Have you ever met someone who was mean to everyone? yes. (me) thats not trueee though <3 Do you usually have a low tolerance for pain or high tolerance? I dont care whenever I get injured Would you rather eat or sleep? i dont care Are you one of those die hard Twilight or Harry Potter fans? no just no

Do your parents ever force you to talk to your grandparents? I have one grandpa and a step grandma and I dont really know her that much but I never really see them Do you think long surveys are boring or entertaining? it depends on the questions. Have you ever learned that someone had lied to you all along? i feel like someone has been lying to me but I dont know if its true or not Have you ever wanted to be a lawyer? no. Have you ever had to bail someone out of jail before? no. Is there anyone in your immediate family who was adopted? yeah Do you know anyone who doesn’t have any common sense? yes my same weird friend, oh and me :) When was the last time you bought something? Monday Do you think you look anything like your parents? kinda What are your plans for this weekend? i answered this What color is your significant other’s hair? Chandler Riggs and Alycia Debnam-Carey both have brown hair. Woah ive never thought about this but every single person ive ever crushed on was a brunette Have you ever applied for a job at Walmart before? no. Would you ever become a foster parent? id rather be a foster parent than give birth but I fucking hate kids (maybe that's why I hate myself) Are you ashamed of anyone in your family? yeah my cat Bub he attacks my other cats Would rather talk to someone on a landline or a cell phone? cell Has anyone ever given you a psychiatric assessment? no What is your favorite amusement park?  i dont know Did you ever have braces? I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET THEM OFF THIS MONTH BUT NOOOOOO What is cuter: kisses on the forehead of the cheek? i like both? why am I answering to this Do you believe in evolution or creation? evolution, there was never a god who created anything

Would you rather take a bath or a shower? Why or why not? shower, I dont have time for baths Does it bother you when people touch your personal items? depends. When was the last time you did something sexual? ..depends on what.. Do you collect anything? What? snapbacks Are you better at hand-drawing things or painting? I cant paint to save my life Have either of your parents ever called you a failure before? oh my god all the time! They tell me that more than compliments Have you ever suspected someone of cheating on you? no. When you get married, will you convert your last name? depends on who :) Are your parents divorced, married or separated? married Has someone ever left a relationship with you for someone else? no. What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced? from december 5, 2002 all the way to today When was the last time you went shoe shopping? like 4 weeks ago Are you a part of any clubs at your school, if you still go to school? like in 7th grade CREATIVE WRITING CLUB oh man Do you know someone who wears a wig? no What is your best friend’s last name? nakamura. its my cat haru When was the last time you cried? For what reason? awhile ago because im a fucking baby, just because im going to a different school than a friend of mine who im going to tag mwahaha sucks to be you IM LOOKING BACK AT THIS ITS NOT TRUE IT WAS THE LEXA DEATH SCENE

What is your favorite shop to go to at the mall? forever 21 What time do you usually go to bed on the weekends? like 10 or 11 Have you ever considered suicide? not much? Have you ever been raped before? no. Would you ever consider becoming a marine biologist? no if i ever see those words again im going to fuck someone up. (my dad wants me to be one but im deathly afraid or the ocean) Did you carry a lunchbox as a child? yes. What is your favorite ‘sweet’ to eat? idk Are you someone who usually eats when you’re bored? no Have you ever eaten your way through a breakup? no. Who was the last person you texted? my mom Do you usually buy popcorn when you eat at the movie theater? yeah Did you sleep alone or with someone last night? alone. What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? none Are you someone who constantly likes to wear hats? no what are talking about im not wearing a hat at all Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie that relates to your life? what What is your Myspace URL? never had one Are you someone who likes to wear dresses more than pants? hahaha if i ever have to wear another dress again im going to kill myself Have you ever dated someone who was way overprotective of you? never fucking dated alright What was the last thing you touched besides your keyboard? my HAT When was the last time you witnessed a fist fight? never..? Do you know anyone who lives in the state of California? bitch I do

Are you waiting for a text right now? no Is it your summer vacation right now? yepp fucking kill me Do you like traveling? love it, more time I can listen to to musicccc What color are the walls of the room you’re in right now? dood i think grey, im looking now and its hard to tell Do you still make mix cds? no. Are you eating or drinking anything right now? no

Do you go to church regularly? no i dont believe in that stuff Who’s your best friend? haru Are you determined? yeahhh...

Are you always looking for/in a relationship, or do you like being single? id love to be in a relationship but i hate so many people and a ton of people hate me and I bet i never will Ever had your heart broken? yeah Even broken someone else’s heart? oh god yes Are you confident? not really When’s the last time you smiled? today. Are you tan? no

Any big plans for today/tonight? I want pizza What’s the background on your computer? oh I recently changed it to lexa and clarke from the 100 Do you have days where you just want to listen to sad songs? yeah Don’t you hate when your plans fall through? sometimes Ever maxed out a credit card? no How old are you? older than time itself Who’s the last person you kissed? my cat Are you hoping they will also be the next person you kiss? no Do you ever actually go on dates? no

Im going to tag @rottentulips because I finally found a really long question tag for her to do so you're welcome ;)

[restoreamericanglory]

New Post has been published on Restore American Glory

New Post has been published on http://www.restoreamericanglory.com/breaking-news/civility-gop-congresswoman-called-a-fascist-pig-while-out-shopping/

Civility: GOP Congresswoman Called a “FASCIST PIG” While Out Shopping

Another day, another example of why leftists in this country are truly despicable people who don’t have the slightest respect for the basic humanity of their political rivals. It’s really amazing, because if you take a look at what actually happens out there, it’s completely the opposite of what you hear in the news. Every other day, you read some lefty blogger talking about how the Nazis of the right are dehumanizing their opponents through memes, speeches, and other forms of political warfare. But every time – almost without exception – you hear about a violent confrontation, it’s a left-on-right incident.

Of course, you have to dig very deep to find these confrontations because the media does everything possible to ignore them altogether. Meanwhile, if a drawing of a pig finds itself within a fifty mile radius of a mosque, it requires a six-day-long investigation from The New York Times.

Speaking of pigs, that brings us to our story. Rep. Elise Stefanik (R-NY) made a name for herself during the impeachment hearings of President Trump as she calmly but determinedly made Adam Schiff look like a lying tyrant from her position on the dais. Those exchanges made her a hero to many of Trump’s supporters, but they made her a villain to the TDS-sufferers of the world.

And sadly, there are plenty of those. Apparently one of them was lurking in the parking lot this week while Stefanik and her husband were out grocery shopping.

“It is truly sad that the radical Far-Left cannot see beyond their vicious hate,” Stefanik tweeted on Saturday. “My husband and I went grocery shopping this morning before district events and enjoyed chatting with constituents throughout the store. This vile anonymous note was left on our car.”

“As an elected official, I understand that respectful & passionate policy disagreements are foundational to our democracy. But this note is just sad hatred. We are praying for the author,” she wrote. “This hateful rhetoric should be publicly condemned by my opponent immediately.”

What world are you living in where you think this is an appropriate thing to write and slap on the windshield of someone’s car? Imagine the outrage that would come bursting forth from the Democrats if someone had done this to Ilhan Omar or Rashida Tlaib.

But you notice how Stefanik called on her opponent, Tedra Cobb, to denounce the note? Well, this is the best Cobb could do:

“@EliseStefanik you’re right, that type of discourse is damaging and wrong,” she tweeted. “I think it’s time you joined me in pledging not to name call in this campaign. I’d love to work with you to set a better example for #NY21.”

She wrote this because Stefanik has taken to calling Cobb “Taxin’ Tedra” during the campaign. Now, far be it from us to downplay the emotional strife Cobb has gone through due to this awful, vile slur, but we’re pretty sure she’ll get over it. To compare “Taxin’ Tedra” to “FASCIST PIG”? That’s quite the stretch.

We’re used to Democrats playing in the world of double standards, but c’mon.

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[tesrqt]

Stone Family (My canon)

meet the stone family! under the read more⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ (note just because the names / fcs are different don’t let that discourage you from roleplaying with me! these are just the family i created for my story! so come to me if you are a stone! i wont say no!) also id love feed back on this!

NEMESIS STONE (THE MOTHER, AND FIRST ‘STONE’) (EVA GREEN)

- Not much is known or said about their mother. Though all the stones know very well when mother talks you listen, YOU DO NOT question.  They also know that she suffered so much that she ended her life because she could no longer stand the pain she was dealing with, thus becoming the stones. It’s said that in desperate times the stones will and can hear and see their mother. Sometimes she comes to them out of anger, if they have done something wrong. The times when Nemesis appears it’s usually a vision though Alaris has a special bond with his mother because he has taken her into his world. Though none of the stones know that, and nor does he. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

ALARIS STONE (SOUL) (FC: ADAM DRIVER/KYLO REN)

- Eldest of the stones, he is quite the loner, he tends to keep himself away from others. Alaris has been kept away from the other stones due to the power he possesses, though if he truly wanted her could go out and speak to his siblings. He just has come to find a home in the darkness and quiet. The only one he semi-knew was Ri because like him she was very powerful. Though he continues to struggle with the thought of the other stones being siblings. Other than Ri. During his time on Vomir, he rarely spoke with Skull, knowing what he had done to Tess. Though he had not realized it was because he actually c a r e d for Tess. For the first few months, he tormented the man’s soul, till he grew bored knowing this would not make up for what he did. While he struggles with the thought of the other ‘siblings’ he tends to check in on them. Though not making it known, it’s quite easy to see them now that they have all gained bodies and ‘SOULS’. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

(rii stone (reality) (jessica chastain)

- Knowing the darkness so well, she befriended it. Temping those who came to close, and unlike Alaris, she doesn’t keep to herself. She will let you know where she stands with you. Though for the first few months of being alone in the darkness she tried to contact the other stones, knowing that they might be alone like she was. Failing, she gave in to the darkness and uses it to find her way to find the other stones. Though if she were honest she wants them for her own plans. But deep down she actually cares for them all but knows this is probably the only way they all would be together. if they were used. But at least they would be used by her and for their own protection, but like Alaris, she will check on the other stones.

ABSAR STONE (MIND) (PETER CAPALDI)

- Now while he looks the oldest he is quite the opposite. Being one of the younger of the six stones. Absar is quite the rambling type, given the chance, he will talk your ear off. Being that his mind tends to go rather fast. (like a computer) Knowing as much as he does is a gift and a curse. Most of the time Absar can be found writing notes or scribbling in the notebook he had been given millenniums ago. But unlike most of his siblings (save for soul) he knows what the other stones are thinking, which tends to get him into trouble due to his running mouth. Though all his intentions are for the best Absar tends to side with reason over morals. Given the choice, he sides with Thanos in most aspects, though his siblings hate him for that.

omarius stone (time) (brendon urie)

- Omarius is quite the being while he knows the past, present, and future he rarely has the chance to change it. For this reason, he tends to stay silent, not wanting to tell anyone anything. Unless forced. like absar knowledge is a gift and a curse in one. During the beginning of the universe, he saw the separation of his siblings so he grew little to not attachments to them, though he loves them. Omarius has bumped into Absar and Tess but he did not make his prescience known due to what he knew. From the beginning he knew the end, he knew of the Titan and the outcome. Which was why he knew Dr. Strange could handle such a curse as he had. When it came time for the Titan to gain him he willingly accepted it knowing the true outcome, and as much as the other stones asked he would not speak a word of what he knew. Because unlike Absar, Omarius KNEW BETTER THAN TO SPEAK THINGS INTO FRUITION.

philomena stone (power) (stephanie beatriz)

- Philomena is one of the colder of the stones, she like Tess, has seen the greed and lust for power from man. She has resided to close herself off from most feelings, she thinks this is for the best, fewer feelings and attachments the better. Save for her family, sometimes. After being almost handed to the Titan she was even more defensive when she was brought to Nova. But for the most part, Philomena is known for being blunt and not very open to showing any emotion other than indifference. Though she has been known to crack a smile on occasion due to Absar’s ramblings. But when she had finally been captured by the Titan she knew that it was best that she allowed it to happen and forget those whom she M A Y have had attachments with. Knowing that everything and one that she ‘cared’ for was going to suffer, ESPECIALLY HER SIBLINGS.

tess stone (space) (danielle panabaker as killer frost)

- Tess well, we obviously know Tess. But she knows of her other siblings though she hasn’t had much contact with them, she like Philomena knew it best to have few relations with them as possible. Knowing what they all could do if they were together, though sometimes a similar thought to Ri Stone would pop into her mind. But the only one she had some contact with was Absar and all he did was ramble about the Titan and how he was ‘right.’ Which annoyed her to no end. Though being the YOUNGEST Stone she tends not to speak up much, unless she knows that she has to. But out of all the stones, she somehow feels bonded to Philomena. Due to their pasts being similar.

[theconservativebrief]

Adam Driver has it, as did Carrie Fisher. It fuels Themyscira and her Amazons. Imperator Furiosa and Mad Max both have it. Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor wield it, as does Angela Merkel. So do Tilda Swinton, Cher, and Cate Blanchett. Johnny Cash had it, same with Prince and David Bowie. LeBron James, Serena Williams, and Katie Ledecky have it, too.

If you look hard enough, it’s everywhere around you. So is its absence.

We are talking about Big. Dick. Energy.

Big Dick Energy (BDE) is the unavoidable subject of the minute on social media. What began as a joke inspired by the death of one of the premiere possessors of BDE has since sparked an all-consuming cultural urge to determine who possesses it and who is lacking — as well as the urge to define it, which raises some trickier questions.

What is BDE? Does one need colossal male genitalia to possess it? How do we spot it? How does one obtain it? And why would one want to?

No doubt, the concept of BDE and the discussion it ignites are entertaining — but beneath the initial jolt of faux-erotic titillation and scandal is a bigger conversation about how we talk about masculinity and admiration. BDE is as fascinating as it is frustrating, in that you don’t need to be a man or have prodigious genitalia to possess it, nor does it necessarily refer to anything sexual, but rhetorically it’s still very much dick-dependent. And as we sort various members of society into those who have BDE and those who don’t, it ultimately says a lot about us and what we value.

A warning to those with delicate sensibilities: This piece includes some colorful descriptions of male junk.

BDE’s origin story begins with death. This month saw the death of chef/author/food personality Anthony Bourdain, a man known for his taste, intelligence, and irreverence when it came to food and travel. Bourdain had pure grit coursing through his veins, and the courage to try to change the way we look at the world.

And when he died, Twitter user @imbobswaget coined the term Big Dick Energy to eulogize him:

we’re talking about how anthony bourdain had big dick energy which is what he would have wanted

— vampire workday (@imbobswaget) June 9, 2018

At first glance, remembering Bourdain’s legacy in connection with his genitalia might seem crass, but it works because Bourdain wasn’t afraid to be crass and humorous when the situation called for it. It’s not hard to imagine Bourdain laughing, possibly in a Vietnamese phở shack, if someone told him he was going to be remembered for having the air of someone possessing gargantuan reproductive organs.

That tweet went viral, amassing over 6,000-plus “likes,” but it took another factor to make BDE taxonomy inescapable: the alleged mythic proportions of Ariana Grande fiancé’s penis.

In a screenshot of a since-deleted tweet — which may or may not be photoshopped — Ariana Grande, a sentient affogato with a four-octave vocal range, intimated that her fiancé Pete Davidson’s Pete Davidson is around 10 inches long. This rapidly invited speculation that the magnitude of Davidson’s endowment might be one of the reasons Grande and Davidson got engaged after a short time dating, as Twitter user @babyvietcong noted:

Pete davidson is 6’3 with dark circles, exudes big dick energy, looks evil but apparently is an angel, and loves his girl publicly the only thing wrong w him is that he’s a scorpio but anyway…..id married him within a month too

— Tina (@babyvietcong) June 23, 2018

That tweet also went viral, further cementing BDE in the public consciousness.

But the thing to remember here, even though Grande’s tweet about Davidson refers to literal inches, is that Davidson and Bourdain are connected by the concept of BDE — emphasis on the E — as opposed to literally possessing big genitalia. It’s more about attitude and personality than it is anatomy.

“What we’re talking about is really more of an aura, a vibe,” Allison P. David wrote for The Cut. “There are men with Big Dicks, but who do not ooze BDE. There are men with average to little ones who can have so much BDE you’re surprised to find that their wang does not touch their knee.”

BDE is not about brandishing large, flapping genitalia when someone insults you, or constantly proving to people that you possess a BD. BDE is the complete opposite. It’s the self-confidence to know that a colossal endowment isn’t a measurement of one’s value. BDE might stem from having a literal BD, but it’s not dependent upon any sort of genitalia. And in fact, perhaps the epitome of BDE is the complete security of not needing other people’s benchmarks — wealth, intelligence, beauty, or a BD — to know one’s own worth.

Any suspicion of tryhard vibes kills BDE, as does the kind of cockiness that speaks of insecurity: the true BDE-haver is respectful to those around them, but with swagger. Someone with BDE will never text an unsolicited dick pic, because it would simply never occur to them.

But if we’re talking about aspirational levels of confidence and security when we talk about BDE, and how BDE isn’t necessarily dick-dependent, it raises the question of why we’re all so enamored with making it all about the D.

Rihanna demonstrates the feminine strain of BDE at this year’s Met Ball. AFP/Getty Images

We’ve established that BDE is an emotional rather than physical attribute: Rihanna does not have a dick, but she has BDE for days. Bourdain’s eagerness to learn from those around him was part of what gave him BDE. Chris Evans’s lack of arrogance is why he is the Hollywood Chris who most often makes the BDE list, while Hemsworth’s jock vibes and Pratt’s faint smarm disqualify them. (Pine maybe has BDE. It’s a debate the public deserves to have.)

Needless to say, any hint of misogyny destroys BDE. No one involved in the building of Gilead had any BDE whatsoever (they had the opposite, what you might call Tiny Hand Energy), but Themyscira, the island of the Amazons in Wonder Woman, runs on BDE.

That is why the inverse and the spawn of BDE is toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity is what the Good Men Project calls “the cultural ideal of manliness, where strength is everything while emotions are a weakness; where sex and brutality are yardsticks by which men are measured, while supposedly ‘feminine’ traits — which can range from emotional vulnerability to simply not being hypersexual — are the means by which your status as ‘man’ can be taken away.” It’s the belief that in order to be a “real man” you must be strong to the point of cruelty and never feel anything, and it underlies violent and damaging ideologies like that of incels and the alt-right.

Toxic masculinity is an unsuccessful attempt to mimic BDE, and then furious resentment when that mimicry becomes impossible. It is the belief that you are owed the kind of easy confidence that comes with BDE, and then a desire to destroy the world that has not granted it to you. “I was not born Chris Evans, so fuck you all.”

But while BDE and toxic masculinity are opposites, they come from the same not-great source (your fave is problematic, meme edition), which is the belief that men’s worth is in some mystical, Freudian way linked to the size of their penises.

Reducing men’s worth to their bodies is not harmful in the same way that it is harmful to do the same to women: one of the ways that the patriarchy systemically oppresses women is by reducing them to their bodies. Joking about big dick energy does not reinforce systemic sexism. What it does do is reinforce a system of masculinity that eventually leads to toxic masculinity. BDE as a quality has nothing to do with actual dicks and is valuable regardless of the actual genitalia of its possessor, but our collective cultural impulse is to link it rhetorically to penis size. The dick part of BDE is just a metaphor, but that metaphor is not value-neutral.

On the other hand: As far as reinforcing the gender binary goes, making jokes about which celebrities have big dick energy is a pretty harmless and entertaining pastime, and here in the dark days of 2018 we need all of that we can get. And labels aside, BDE is all about celebrating a masculine-coding energy that is constructive rather than toxic, and respectful rather than violent.

Anyway, Cate Blanchett has BDE, and so does Stanley Tucci.

Original Source -> How Big Dick Energy explains modern masculinity

via The Conservative Brief

[lost-my-life629]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? a kid i met through my younger brothers friends (J)

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Shy 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? idk 4. Are you easy to get along with? probably, i try to be at least 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? yeah i think so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? im kinda into the country-boy thing. but im really not proud of it

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? maybe? 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? J 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? No 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? I don’t know, i dont really like to open up to people. 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “yeah lol ;p” 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? break in by halestorm, halfway right by linkin park, heavy by linkin park, hand me down by matchbox 20, still riding shotgun by tyler woods 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yes, defiantly 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? No, but i want to  15. What good thing happened this summer? i graduated, thats it. 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yess 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? yes 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no, he thinks im psychotic (hes not exactly wrong) 19. Do you like bubble baths? yeah 20. Do you like your neighbors? i guess, i live in my grandparents basement so 21. What are you bad habits? constantly snacking, and getting attatched to people 22. Where would you like to travel? probably Italy 23. Do you have trust issues? Yes. 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? uh cuddling my pup before bed if that counts 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My stomach and thighs 26. What do you do when you wake up? get dressed then make my bed 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? No 28. Who are you most comfortable around? as of right now...no one 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yes, the situation was a little fucked though 30. Do you ever want to get married? yes, definitely 31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yes 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? uhh adam levine and arejay hale 33. Spell your name with your chin. mnegasn 

34. Do you play sports? What sports? no. none 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? i dont think so actually 37. What do you say during awkward silences? either nothing or just mention how awkward it is 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? dark hair/ medium-dark skin/ blue eyes/ taller than me 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? BAM and newbury comics 40. What do you want to do after high school? I’m out of high school but id like to start a family soon even though i dont see it happening. also i dont have a back up plan so idfk what im doing. 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? yeah i guess 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? im depressed, thinking about suicide or just pissed 43. Do you smile at strangers? Yes 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? outer space. 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? usually my dog, he whines because he wants breakfast 46. What are you paranoid about? everything 47. Have you ever been high? sort of 48. Have you ever been drunk? sort of 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? yes 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? gray 51. Ever wished you were someone else? All the time 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? I wish I was thin 53. Favourite makeup brand? i don’t really wear makeup 54. Favourite store? amazon 55. Favourite blog? idk 56. Favourite colour? Purple 57. Favourite food? lasagna 58. Last thing you ate?  a cupcake 59. First thing you ate this morning? graham cracker 60. Ever won a competition? For what? no 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? no, i was home schooled 62. Been arrested? For what? no 63. Ever been in love? yes.. 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? i was 13..in his basement with a bunch of other kids around. 65. Are you hungry right now? no 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i dont have tumblr friends..so real friends 67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook 68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr 69. Are you watching tv right now? yes 70. Names of your bestfriends? roddy 71. Craving something? What? No 72. What colour are your towels? we have a bunch of different colors 72. How many pillows do you sleep with?  two 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yeah, blue from blues clues 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? a lot 75. Favourite animal? white tiger 76. What colour is your underwear? black, white and blue? 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate 78. Favourite ice cream flavour? chocolate chip cookie dough 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? black 80. What colour pants? gray shorts 81. Favourite tv show? new girl 82. Favourite movie? the perks of being a wallflower 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 Jump Street 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Regina George 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? nemo 87. First person you talked to today? my dad 88. Last person you talked to today? my brother 89. Name a person you hate? Rachel 90. Name a person you love? dustin 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? No 92. In a fight with someone? No 93. How many sweatpants do you have? two 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 5 I think? 95. Last movie you watched? private parts 96. Favourite actress? dont have one 97. Favourite actor? dont have one 98. Do you tan a lot? No but i am tan 99. Have any pets? Yes i live with 7 dogs, 1 cat, a bird and 7 bunnies 100. How are you feeling? better 101. Do you type fast? Yes 102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yes 103. Can you spell well? Yes 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? i think 107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes 108. What should you be doing? sleeping 109. Is something irritating you right now? Surprisingly no 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes 111. Do you have trust issues? i think this question was already on here but yes 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? uhh, my ex probably? but awhile ago. i always cry alone 113. What was your childhood nickname? meg, its not that interesting 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes 115. Do you play the Wii? sometimes 116. Are you listening to music right now? No 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Yes 118. Do you like Chinese food? Yes 119. Favourite book? Hate List by jennifer brown 120. Are you afraid of the dark? yes 121. Are you mean? only when people are mean to me 122. Is cheating ever okay? No 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Nope 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? No 125. Do you believe in true love? surprisingly yes 126. Are you currently bored? Not really 127. What makes you happy? my car, my dog, my new friends 128. Would you change your name? No 129. What your zodiac sign? cancer 130. Do you like subway? Yes 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? uh i dont know, itd be really awkward. 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Again something I’m pretty sure I’ve already answered. 133. Favourite lyrics right now?  “ Told me kid you’re going way too fast. You burn too bright, you know you’ll never last. It was bullshit then, I guess it makes sense now I woke up driving my car. Said I'd lose you if I lost control, I just laughed because what do they know? Here I am, standing all alone, Because I took it too far” 134. Can you count to one million? I can, doesnt mean i will 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? god i dont know 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed 137. How tall are you? 5′ 7′ 138. Curly or Straight hair?  straight 139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette 140. Summer or Winter? summer 141. Night or Day? Night 142. Favourite month? june 143. Are you a vegetarian? No 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark 145. Tea or Coffee? tea 146. Was today a good day? yes, i was very surprised 147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers 148. What’s your favourite quote? “everyone needs to be loved, especially those who dont deserve it” 149. Do you believe in ghosts? no 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “the box of photos had arrived at our house after my grandmother Sebold died”

[chrismaverickdotcom]

That was a Fucking Movie!!! (a Baby Driver Review)

Well that was a fucking movie! I know it seems like I say that in a lot of reviews. But it’s all about inflection. You can tell it’s different because of the word “fucking” See, I walk out of a lot of movies and I say something like… “well… that was a movie…” and it’s sort of like I’m half reminding myself that I did actually just watch a motion picture… or maybe I’m not really sure, so I’m sort of asking myself if that’s what I did.

That’s not the case here. Baby Driver is more like “Well!!!! THAT was a FUCKING MOVIE!!!”

And it really was. It was a MOVIE. A complete and total movie from start to finish. And what’s more, it was a genre movie. It’s basically a heist film. But it’s still a complete movie. A story. There’s like a beginning, a middle, and an end and everything!

I kind of forgot that was possible. Especially with a genre movies.

What really drove it home was the trailers. Before the movie there were trailers for Kingsmen 2, Daddy’s Home 2, Pitch Perfect 3, Bladerunner 2, Flatliners (2017), and Dark Tower. Four sequels, one reboot and the first film in a planned franchise. There was also a trailer for an upcoming horror movie called Wish Upon. Maybe there will only be one of those… but it’s a gimmick horror movie with a $12M budget. Those only exist on the dream that they hopefully kick off a franchise of cheap films that you can make over and over again. In other words, literally every movie they advertised before this film is part of a prospective series of films.

Because right now, as much as TV wants to be the movies, movies really really really want to be television. And this is becoming a serious problem. I have no problem with film franchises or cinematic universes. I love a good Spider-man movie as much as the next guy and I’m looking forward to seeing one next week. But there’s an issue when you’re only adapting existing intellectual property instead developing new stuff. Sooner or later you’re going to run out of good intellectual property to adapt and extend and then you’re going to have to start working with shit. What I’m saying is… who the fuck was asking for a Flatliners reboot? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Yeah… I didn’t think so. What’s next, adapting a fucking emoji film? Spoilers… yes, they’re actually making an emoji movie. Or rather they made one. It comes out in a couple weeks. Because… 💩

Anyway… Baby Driver isn’t that. In fact, Baby Driver is the opposite of that. Baby Driver is a FUCKING MOVIE!!!

The other problem with building films like this is that they are often built by committee. When you’re building a franchise, you want everything to run together. Your ultimate goal is to make money, so you need to create a world that is cohesive and repeatable more than you need to create art. This is a problem for both good franchises and bad. I don’t care if you’re Star Wars or the DCEU. When you lose the singular vision of the director, and your movie stops being a cohesive single story, then it begins to lose something. It’s not that those can’t be fun to watch. But they’re frequently not good movies. Fun, maybe, but not necessarily good. They often evolve into something else, because productization is more important than story or art.

Anyway… Baby Driver isn’t that either. In fact, Baby Driver is the opposite of that. Baby Driver is a FUCKING MOVIE!!!

And it really was. It was fucking great. Was it the best story? No. It was actually a relatively simple story. It was very formulaic. None of the characters were all that deep or fully developed. They were all pretty much one-note, in fact. Two seconds into seeing Jamie Foxx on screen you’ll say “oh… ok… he’s that guy.” Same with John Hamm. Same with Kevin Spacey. Same with Lily James, Same with Jon Bernthal.  And the same with Elza Gonzalez. Don’t expect any surprises out of the their characters. Whatever you get from your first impression of them… that’s pretty much who they are. That also includes the main character of Baby, played by Ansel Elgort. You get introduced to his quirks and persona in the first minute or two of the film, and from there on out, he’s pretty much just that. There are also a few big plot holes in it. The third act of the film could have more or less been avoided if the main character had not made a choice that he didn’t want to make but did so anyway for no apparent reason whatsoever. He is literally given a choice of A or B and basically says “well, if I choose B, the movie will end so I guess I’ll just go with A.” There’s not a lot of storytelling in this and there’s not a ton of emotional or character development.

And it wasn’t about that. This was about making a piece of art! There was some character development. There was some plot movement. But they were just tools used to construct the whole that is the stunning cinematic statement that is Baby Driver. The plot was no more important than the musical score. In fact, it was arguably less important. Because the film is constructed more like a symphony than a story. The music drives everything. In the same way that Mad Max: Fury Road was a film that was about the cinematography, this is a film that is about the score. And somehow it works. You know how I’ve said before that Sucker Punch is the most fun movie you can make without plot? Well this is what happens if you add just a little plot back in.. and a little bit of character… and then try to make it good. Roll the entire thing around fun action set pieces and bake at 350 until a movie rises…. allow to cool on a window sill…

And somehow it works. Baby Driver was a FUCKING MOVIE!!!

In other words, Zack Snyder wants to be Edgar Wright when he grows up.

He really does. This is exactly the kind of movie that I think Snyder wants to make. Only like… it’s good and stuff (actually its fucking great! if you haven’t been paying attention). What made it work is that Wright takes all the pieces and combines them into a vision that makes a statement with his medium. There’s a lot of “cool” bits in this movie. There are a lot of stunning scenes. But they are crafted together., They complete each other as a cohesive whole, rather than just being randomly strewn together because they were cool. Each piece compliments another. Jamie Foxx’s performance, by-the-numbers as it is (he’s played the basic character before), pushes the the plot forward. He provides a necessary complication in the world the film constructs. Elza Gonzalez’s character is pure sexiness, but she serves to develop both John Hamm and Lily James’s characters purely through contrast. The car chases and stunts while less epic than what you might expect in a Fast and Furious movie, work as plot points that literally move the story as the car travels through physical space perfectly tuned with the music that marks the passage of time. And each of these things combines to make the character of Baby, who honestly is as much of a simplistic stereotype as everyone else, amazingly compelling. You watch Elgort’s performance and you think “holy shit?!?!? where the fuck did the kid from Divergent learn how to act?!?!?”

The whole thing just works. Everything comes together and makes for a film that is better than the sum of it’s parts. Baby Driver was a FUCKING MOVIE!!!

And this is what I want. A movie that stands on its own. One of the things I always try to do with franchise films (especially the ones after the first) is ask myself “would you care about this at all if you didn’t know the source material?” This was my problem wirh Ghostbusters(2016). It wasn’t actually “good”; it was just a movie CALLED “Ghostbusters” that happened to have women in it. If it were called Spirit Killers, no one would have given a fuck about it either way. It would have been like Rough Night a couple weeks ago. But if Rough Night had been the same movie as it was and was just called Hangover 4: Ladies’ Night, a sequel in name only, it likely would have at least doubled if not tripled its box office. But at the cost of diluting the film marketplace even more. Because it’s not as good as Hangover was.

Baby Driver could have just as easily been called Heat 2: One Last Job or Gone in 60 More Seconds and tied into an existing franchise. It didn’t, It didn’t need to. It took itself seriously in and of itself and it works well in its own world. Not trying to set up a sequel and not trying to hold true to prequels that already exist. It is its own film with a beginning, middle and end. Just like this review.

And it was great… because Baby Driver is a FUCKING MOVIE!!!

★★★★¼(4.25 out of 5 stars)

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That was a Fucking Movie!!! (a Baby Driver Review) was originally published on ChrisMaverick dotcom