#the original doc was too long for a one shot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justagalwhowrites · 6 months ago

Note

Gurll, lavender is my go-to reread everytime. Ig u are taking requests (😂🫶🏻), I would really like to see how Joel found out Doc was pregnant of Sylvie and those sweet pregnancy exchanges - like him being worried (‘cause in the original we skip the whole pregnancy). 😎

OMG Hi Bestie!!!

So you'll see some of this in Girl Dad, a canon one shot I did for Doc's birthday back in October. You see some of Doc panicking about Sylvie on her birthday because she's never made it further in a pregnancy and her birthday has just such an awful personal history for her and Joel loves her through it. We also see Joel being just a precious father to his newest baby girl.

BUT... here's some more of the pregnancy for you ❤️

Expecting

20 years after your first pregnancy, you find yourself expecting again. Things are a bit different this time. A Lavender Drabble.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader from Lavender

Warnings: Pregnancy. Smut adjacent. No use of y/n. 18+ only Minors DNI

Length: 2k

September 2, 2024

The first time you threw up, Joel was on patrol.

It's not like you'd gotten your period since the two of you had started trying but you didn't put much stock in that. You'd never been regular and you were nearing menopause now. Missing a period or two was hardly monumental.

But the nausea the morning you woke up alone was.

You rocketed to the bathroom, doubling over the toilet, everything left in you from the night before coming up.

"Shit," you whispered, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand as your stomach still churned.

You knew this feeling. It had been a long time but you knew it.

And you knew you should be happy about it. It wasn't like last time. You and Joel were together now. Not just together, you were married. Things were secure - as secure as they could be in the apocalypse, anyway - and you were trying for this.

But it was still the apocalypse.

It was no small part of you that thought this wasn't going to happen. That you were going to try and try and then menopause would kick in and you'd never have a child you made with Joel. You'd resigned yourself to that a long time ago, that you'd never be a mother to someone that grew inside of you, never raise someone that you'd brought into being through love. You had Ellie who was your child in every way that mattered and that was more than enough.

But you were pregnant. You were sure of it. And you should have been happy about that - thrilled, in fact. Part of you was. The rest of you was terrified.

What had you been thinking? Bringing a child into this destroyed world? Would Joel even still want this now that it was real and not some imagined, idealized thing on the distant horizon? How were you supposed to protect a baby from the horrors of this reality? Even here in Jackson there was fear and risk and you'd gone and done this on purpose.

You didn't tell anyone, though the nurses at the clinic could tell you were off all day. You assured them that you were fine while trying not to panic. What if Joel changed his mind? What if, when faced with the reality of it, he didn't want to bring a baby into this world?

You threw up again that afternoon, the sickening feeling hanging around after everything came back up and you tried not to cry.

Joel got home after Ellie was already in bed that night, his patrol keeping him out late. You were pacing the kitchen when you heard the front door open and close quietly, the squeak of the floorboards under his heavy boots.

"Baby?" He frowned poking his head into the kitchen. "What're you still doin' up, it's late..."

"I know," you smiled a little, looking him up and down and taking stock to make sure he was still in one piece. "I'm glad you're back."

He smiled back, coming all the way into the kitchen to take you in his arms and kiss you, gentle and deep.

"You and me both," he said. "Gettin' too old to be sleeping rough like that, feel like I did my time with that shit getting out here..."

You laughed a little and nuzzled into him, breathing in the sweaty, woodsy scent of him.

"What's wrong, baby," he whispered, his arms enveloping you totally, holding you against him. "Can tell you got somethin' on that big brain of yours."

You pulled back from him just enough to see his face, his arms still holding you loosely. His face was smeared with dirt, the grime of the trail and sweat on his skin and his eyes were soft and warm and like home.

"I'm pregnant," you said softly. Those eyes got wider. "I know we've been trying but... It's real now and..."

"You're pregnant?" He breathed, stepping back from you, his hands going to your shoulders. You nodded, tears stinging the corners of your eyes. "Oh Baby..."

He took your face in his hands and kissed you again, so hard you could taste the passion on his tongue.

"Really?" He asked, his eyes searching yours as he pulled back from you and taking your shoulders again. You just nodded again, your heart pounding. "Fuck, that's... that's amazing, we're gonna... Baby, you're pregnant!"

"Yeah," you laughed a little. "Yeah, I am... You're happy?"

"Happy?" He laughed back. "Baby, I'm... I'm so far beyond fuckin' happy that word don't even begin to cover it."

He got to his knees in front of you, his hands on your hips, sliding around to cradle the small of your back as he looked lovingly at your stomach.

"You're pregnant," he said, awed, almost to himself. He pressed a kiss to you, over your womb, before one of his hands came to hold you reverently there. "Our baby is in you, right now."

"Yeah," you smiled, voice wet. "Yeah, they are."

"That's amazing," he whispered before looking up at you. "You're amazing, you're the most amazing thing I've ever seen..."

You ran your fingers through his curls before cupping his cheek.

"Thank you," you said, your whole being feeling lighter now, knowing that he was really in this with you.

"For what?" He asked, getting to his feet and pulling you against him again. "You're the one doin' all the work."

You smiled a little.

"For wanting this with me," you said quietly. "I was afraid... I'm still afraid. But we can do this."

"We can do this," he echoed you, kissing your temple. "You, me, Ellie, this baby. We're a family. We can do this."

You put a palm over your womb again, cradling where the child you'd made with Joel was growing inside you.

He was right. You could do this.

But things were different after that.

Joel hovered. It reminded you a bit of when he first came to the QZ, back when he thought his fear was something he could push past if he just got close enough. You’d be working at the clinic, turn around to pick something up and then Joel would be there. You’d be relaxing on the couch and decide you needed a cup of water and, the second you started to move, he was up instead asking what you needed.

“I’m perfectly capable of getting my own drink, you know,” you said a two months after you’d told him you were pregnant and Joel had damn near held you down instead of letting you go to the kitchen. “Also capable of walking to the mess hall on my own, making my own lunches…”

“All the work you’re doin’ growing my baby, I should do something,” he replied, bringing you a glass of water. “Seems like this is the least of it.”

You might have believed him if it wasn’t for the other things, too.

You’d become insatiable during pregnancy, all but demanding sex at least once if not twice a day. You couldn’t get enough of Joel but he seemed to be able to get enough of you.

It was close to Christmas when you finally brought it up, Joel’s hands more gently roaming over your skin rather than with any desire or need.

“We don’t have to do this if you’re not interested, you know,” you said, hoping you didn’t sound too desperate.

Joel frowned, looking over your face for a moment.

“What?” He sounded completely puzzled. “Why would I not be interested?”

“I know I look different now,” you ran a hand over your growing bump and took a deep breath. “It’s OK if you’re not as attracted to me at the moment…”

“In what fuckin’ universe am I not attracted to you?” He asked, his eyebrows knitting together. “Baby, if I could spend the rest of my damn life inside you, I’d be a happy man.”

Your confusion must have shown because he brushed your hair back before adjusting your face to look at him.

“What’s goin’ on,” he asked gently. “Why are you saying this stuff.”

“You don’t touch me like you used to,” you said quietly, hoping you didn’t sound too wounded by it. “And it’s OK if you don’t want me like that right now, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t really want and…”

“Baby,” he cut you off. “I’m gonna stop you right there. I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted you more than I do right now. Not when I first met you and you were some hot young thing, not when you first got off the plane to come visit, not when I first saw you again in the QZ. Seeing you grow our baby is the most beautiful, most sexy thing in the damn world, don’t go thinking otherwise.”

“Oh,” you frowned. “Then… I don’t understand. What’s going on?”

“I just…” he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before looking at you again, a pained look on his face. “I’m scared, baby. I’m scared in a way I ain’t been since we came to Jackson.”

“Joel,” you whispered, running your fingers through his hair. “We’re OK here, we’re safe here…”

“I know,” he said. “You’re safe from infected and you’re safe from raiders but… baby, what if you get hurt? You’re the doctor here, what if something happens to you or the baby? What if there isn’t someone who knows how to save you? What if I do somethin’ to you on accident, what if I’m too rough because I’m caught up in touching you the way I want? I can’t risk that, baby, I can’t.”

“Oh Joel,” you breathed, pressing yourself closer. “You’re not going to hurt us. I promise, you’ve never been too rough with me. If something doesn’t feel right I’ll tell you but it’s OK. We’re safe. You’re safe.” You guided his hand to your breast, his large palm curving around the soft flesh. “And I want you to touch me, really touch me. Please.”

He was cautious at first, hesitant. Now that you knew he was afraid, it was easier to see it on his face and feel it in his touch. But you guided him through it, holding his hand, reassuring him, until he was lost in you and things felt right for the first time in months.

You learned how to head things off after that. When he would appear in the clinic, you would give him a kiss and tell him how you were feeling. If the baby was moving, you’d guide his hand to your stomach to let him feel them alive inside you. When you needed something at home and could see that he was restless and distracted by worry, you’d ask him for help. You started meeting him at the gates after patrol so he could see you and touch you as soon as he was back, feeling how he relaxed when his hands were on you.

When you went into labor, though, you were worried. You knew he was afraid but then, so were you. You were afraid not just of what could happen, of how it would hurt under the best of circumstances, but of how to help Joel through it, too.

But he sensed what you were doing right away, so in tune with you now. He climbed into the bed behind you, pulling you back so your head was resting on his chest.

“Don’t you dare worry about me,” he said, kissing the crown of your head. “I’ve got you, baby. Got both of you.”

You smiled a little as the contraction eased and he held you a little tighter.

“I know you do,” you relaxed into the firm, strong body of your husband. “I know.”

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #kit answers #send asks #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #lavender #lavenderversary

165 notes · View notes

mcytunderdogevent · 7 months ago

Text

MCYT UNDERDOG EVENT RULES, TIMELINE, FAQ, AND ELIGIBILITY

Rules:

1. Fics cannot break the AO3 or Tumblr TOS

2. You can only write for people who are not in the top percent of fics in their fandom (check below for eligibility). Non eligible characters may be in the fic, but only as a side characters and cannot have too much of a main focus

3. No NSFW. Suggestive stuff is fine, but the fic cannot be explicit.

4. That's it! Have fun!

Timeframe

Event start: Now! As soon as this is posted!

Collection opens: Collection name is MCYTUnderdogEvent2024

Event ends: May 31 at 10pm cst, with the close of the collection

FAQ

How will eligibility be determined?

It will be determined by the amount of fics the character is tagged in for the fandom in question. Then, the characters with the most fics for them (about top ten for larger fandoms, will change depending on the fandom/smp size) will be excluded

What about characters who are in a lot of fics but not the main character?

Sadly, they will still be excluded if they are in the top percent, as there is no way to consistently tell main characters without searching through fics, which would take too long.

What about non player characters, like NPCs?

They are considered characters for this! Some are even popular enough that they aren't eligible! So if you want to write about an NPC who is eligible, go for it!

Do fics need to be a certain length?

Nope! Can be a drabble, a one shot, a multi chapter, or a small poem! All it has to be is about one or more of the eligible characters.

Do fics have to be finished to add them to the collection?

They do not have to be! It can be a fic that you plan to work on even after the event ends, or just an idea you want to get out there

Eligibility

To avoid having to write too many names (as the eligible characters outnumber the non eligible characters) the characters listed below for each fandom are the non eligible characters. Your fic cannot focus on any of these characters. If the fandom you want to write for is not listed below, then all characters in that fandom are eligible! List below as to not make this post too long.

Hermitcraft:

Grian

Scar

Mumbo

Xisuma

Impulse

Tango

Pearl

Bdubs

Doc

Etho

Traffic life:

Grian

Scar

Jimmy

Scott

Martyn

Tango

Joel

Etho

Pearl

Ren

DSMP:

Tommy

Wilbur

Techno

Phil

Dream

Tubbo

Ranboo

Quackity

Sapnap

George

QSMP:

Phil

Cellbit

Roier

Quackity

Tallulah

Wilbur

Foolish

Badboyhalo

Charlie Slimecicle

Chayanne

Lifesteal:

Clownpierce

Branzy

Ashswag

Reddoons

Princezam

ParrotX2

Vitalasy

ItzSubz

Spokeishere

Rekrap

Empires:

Jimmy

Scott

Joel

Fwip

Sausage

Evo:

Grian

Jimmy

Martyn

Witchcraft:

Scott

Cleo

Yogscast:

Alex

Chris

Ross

Lewis

Duncan

Rats smp:

Scott

Owen

Martyn

Jimmy

Oli

YHS:

Sam

Grian

Taurtis

Pirates SMP:

Scott

Acho

Martyn

Owen

Sausage

Cleo

Oli

Origins SMP:

Tommy

Phil

Ranboo

Techno

Tubbo

Nihachu

Jack Manifold

Scott

Sneeg

105 notes · View notes

1000sunnygo · 9 months ago

Text

One Piece 1093

//long post, manga spoilers ahead

Congratulations to Law for his second time trending as "Law's female form" and congrats to Kamiya Hiroshi too for trending alongside him!! (her?)

I have no doubt that Law's role would always be special to Kamiya. The way he strained his voice to raise his pitch to a new high made my throat sore on his behalf..... But I liked it more than I expected! I could feel in my bones that it was an uncomfortable transformation Law wanted to free himself from as soon as possible bwahahah

I like the anime original dialogue とにかく、ヤベぇ！(tonikaku, yabee!) Even with my crap japanese it was as hilarious as hearing him say "Anyway, I'm cooked!" I don't think Law uses the term "Yabee" a lot so that felt refreshing lol

It seems the more controversial quote was this one, the speech in Japanese would be literally translated to "my strength isn't coming out as usual". Personally, I didn't immediately associate it to weakness due to being woman but moreso as an additional side affect that came with it, after all, it's dubbed as a disease. I like to think Doc Q didn't only come up with it as a deranged fantasy but to impose a real handicap for the victim to have their body modified in a way that limits their ability to fight and use their usual powers, either due to magic or just out of discomfort. Unlike Ivankov's fruit that alters hormones, it's just a physical change, it makes sense why it's more unnatural and uncomfortable.

The female Law scene was animated by Yuu Yoshiyama, he also did Hancock's scene from Amazon Lilly invasion episode. The scene was fanservicey but thankfully not as over the top as the Bonney scene from few episode prior to this one. The episode didn't drag on even during the slower parts, the screentime was well spent. The obnoxious, repetitive closed up reaction shots weren't there.

Moving on to B part, nothing much to speak of Ishizuka's brilliant storyboard that hasn't been said. My favorite observation was this:

Some parts where characters didn't immediately follow up with a second attack was frustrating until I remembered Blackbeard and Law both put their lives on line when they use their fruit and so can't take risks. Cheaper trick shots and silly gimmicks that people blame Law for not using more frequently were probably never the best option. That said, unfortunately, Law lost the moment he used both his strongest attacks onscreen and failed. I don't think the fight was longer than what we saw here. The anime just made it more obvious.

Another anime original dialogue I liked is Blackbeard saying "what a handy ability you've got!" right before their final clash. He was using Tremor fruit until that point and then he switched to his OG attacks, it was unsettling how he's not only fighting but looking at Law's abilities as something that he'll soon take away from him. Unlike Doflamingo, Teach had no pre-decided plan involving Law's fruit and considered selling the fruit as appealing alternate as using it for its abilities. Honestly, we can't underestimate Doflamingo's knowledge. There's no way he stays in prison during the final arc.

And finally the Kuzan scene,,

rightfully the most praised section and probably my favorite part of the episode too. According to his tweet, Henry Thurlow animated the Kuzan scene traditionally on paper. Let's give Toei credit where it's due; they let their animators take time, be creative and love their work. Otherwise we wouldn't get scenes like this.

And that's it! The first (and the last?) time we see Heart pirates in proper action. Ch. 1081 is only ~17 chapters away. Hopefully we'll see it animated around the middle of this year. Hopefully Law's current condition in the manga is updated by then, otherwise it'll be very painful.

Twice already. Petition to let Pandaman become an official member of heart pirates.

#one piece #trafalgar law #trafalgar d. water law #marshall d. teach #one piece blackbeard #fem law #one piece meta #one piece anime #one piece manga spoiler #one piece episode 1093 #kamiya hiroshi #mine #heart pirates #blackbeard pirates #pandaman #kuzan

107 notes · View notes

greeniegaes · 28 days ago

Text

Was looking through my various SVSSS docs and found like. 1k of trans SQQ being angry about periods.

So here’s that, unfinished and unrefined

When Shen Yuan originally woke up in the body of Shen Qingqiu the only thing on his mind was the terrible death he would end up suffering.

This only ended up with him moping for a week before being poked and prodded at by Mu Qingfan, the doctor trying to discern what was wrong with him. Yue Qingyuan was anxiously awaiting his prognosis nearby.

So, Shen Yuan decided there was more important things to do than moping.

He observed the conditions of his peak, fixing the hierarchy problems between his disciples, making sure all lesson plans and materials were properly set up for the hall masters. There was so much to acclimate to within the first month of his possession of his new body.

And his new body was different too. When he first woke up in his barely lucid state all he could remember was pain. Now that was most likely due to the fever and qi deviation he had. But the pain and the confusion had totally let a few things slip.

It wasn’t a sort of “oh where am I, what unusual world is this?” sort of slip. Shen Yuan was an avid novel reader, he had more respect for himself then to be confused when isekai’d. No, it was a very different kind of confusion.

He’d barely been a few sentences into his new life, barely able to sit up and hold his fan when he realized the very major change from this current life to his past one.

He didn’t have a dick.

Luckily the only person there to see the confusion of his lack of a -in his opinion key- body part was Yue Qingyuan.

“You.” The newly transmigrated Shen Qingqiu glared at the man sitting on his bed, his brain only half screwed on. “Why don’t I have a dick?”

The man across from him sighed, looking at Shen Qingqiu with a pitying expression. There was a tense discussion consisting of “I know you’re a man, don’t worry, Shidi…” and “you’ll be able to change your body when we reach higher cultivation” but it had all flown way above Shen Yuan’s head.

Shen Qingqiu’s body was originally born female?!? But he dressed like a man! Now, Shen Yuan had no problem with such a thing, several people accused him of being an egg and he had met quite a few trans people, but why? Why was Shen Qingqiu trans when there was no mention of it in the story. Such a detail had no purpose and Shen Yuan wanted his dick back!

Alas, no matter how much he questioned it he could only endure it. So Shen Qingqiu went on with his life, a little adjustment here and there but everything was mostly peaceful for a month

A. Single. Month.

Now Shen Yuan wasn’t the type of guy that didn’t think periods hurt. His darling mei-mei wouldn’t have allowed that at all. But this was worse than he thought. It felt like someone had a knife to his gut and would be twisting it all day. Honestly he was ready to keel over and die.

But alas, his life went on. He stayed standing through the lessons, making sure to be very careful not to snap at his disciples. It was hard to do that though. So many questions were asked, and he almost felt like the original Shen Qingqiu was an awful teacher because honestly how many things did he never explain.

The second day of it was worse though. He was half way through getting ready, a bit uncomfortable but overall okay, when suddenly it felt like he was hit by a truck. He could have isekai’d right there and started a new life from how much pain he was in.

This led him to hiding out in his bamboo house, laying on the ground.

Which led into a whole bigger mess.

Ming Fan had suddenly entered his house to ask about something or other, saw him lying face down on his flooring, and promptly went screaming for Mu Qingfang.

Which was not how Shen Qingqiu wanted his day to go. The man pushed himself up, hurriedly getting ready so that he wouldn’t look like he was moping about again. After long enough to get dress and slip calmly into his bed with a novel in hand Mu Qingfang shot into his room.

Shen Qingqiu was impressed the doctor could move so fast, he didn’t expect it.

“Mu-Shidi.” He greeted calmly, watching as a few of his disciples, perhaps a hall master or two and a few of the peak lords- including the leader- shuffling in or around the room. “I understand you may be concerned over things, but is such a stampede necessary?”

The doctor looked at him, grabbing his wrist which caused him to drop the book. There was the familiar feeling of qi channeling through him, checking out what was wrong. “Everything seems to be normal, I was told you had collapsed?” Ming Fan was off to the side, nodding his head up and down; tears were threatening to fall in his eyes.

It seems within the short time period of him taking over Shen Qingqiu’s body his disciples had become quite sticky.

“Nonsense, I’ve been okay in my room the whole time.” A few of the people looked around, trying to gauge the truthfulness of his statement.

Mu Qingfang frowned, focusing more on his qi trying to assess what was wrong. The sudden cool feeling traveling up his body made him want to retch, cringing of his arm in the man’s hand. Shen Qingqiu snatched his hand away, grabbing a nearby fan to weild.

“We are done with this, everyone get out!” He had tried not to snap at people for the month, but honestly he was at his wits end. He had ignored the constant fretting, the way his students huddled around him, the side eyes the other fellow peak lords made him. He didn’t want to deal with it anymore at this point

#greeniegaes #svsss #shen yuan #shen qingqiu #svsss au #trans Shen yuan #trans male character #fanfic #svsss fanfiction #Drabble #unfinished fic

35 notes · View notes

farfromstrange · 2 years ago

Text

Sleep | m.m

summary: she can’t sleep and he’s there to make sure she’s okay.

[originally intended as a Foreigner’s God one-shot, but i didn’t use my oc’s name in here so yea, do with it as you will]

a/n: this is a short Drabble I found in my Docs. Not proofread, just a cute lil something I wrote ‘cause I struggle with anxiety and I can’t sleep most of the time because of it. Self-indulgent. No use of y/n. No use of any other names. No warnings. Enjoy.

check out the Foreigner’s God series here.

“Hey, bug, what are you doing awake?”

“Just… couldn’t sleep. I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?” Matt asked as he slowly entered the bedroom, closing the door behind him to block out the city sounds.

She laid there in his bed, dressed in nothing but his dress shirt and a pair of lace panties. Cotton felt like sandpaper on his skin, he had told her, so from there in, she stopped wearing clothing resembling the texture even in the slightest if there was a chance he would touch her where she wore the fabric. In bed, he often touched her everywhere, sexual or not. He needed to be close to her at all times, so she did the necessary sacrifice and threw out most of her cotton underwear.

The shirt smelled like him, like home. Whenever she wore it, she felt like she belonged somewhere in this vast universe. She hadn’t felt like this in a long time. Always choked up from the way her head worked against her, afraid of falling in love, afraid of not being able to love, until Matt came into her life. With him, she could finally breathe again. With him, she felt alive, she felt human, but in a way that made her want to be more.

“I’m sorry for staying awake, for worrying you,” she admitted quietly. “You know, the sorta thing you keep lecturing me for.”

“Oh, no. That’s not what I mean when I say you need to sleep. I don’t want to lecture you, not at all sweetheart, I just… I just want you to be okay.“

He sat down at the edge of the bed, gently cradling her head in his hands as he carted his fingers through her hair.

“What’s on your mind, hm?”

“Nothing, really. It’s just too loud. The world, the people, my thoughts… I can’t sleep ‘cause my mind won’t stop conjuring up the worst scenarios for the weirdest of things, like- like you and my friends and work and I… and then I can hear my heart ‘cause I get anxious from all the stupid thinking and y’know I can’t sleep if I can hear my heartbeat. It’s so loud, I can feel it in my bones. I really need you here, Matt,” the last part was barely audible. “You make it all go away, even just for a little while. That’s enough.”

He smiled, eyes crinkling in the corners. “Can’t sleep without me?”

She shook her head, “No, ‘m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay, I promise. Let me just get out of this suit and then I’ll cuddle you, okay?”

“‘kay.”

He kissed her forehead. “I love you so much, you know that, right?”

“I know,” she said. “I love you so much too.”

Her speech was slurred, the action of his fingers enough to slowly lull her into a state of bliss. She was oh so tired.

“Here,” he kissed her forehead, “I’ll just be gone two minutes, and I’m leaving the bathroom door open in case you need me.”

“Thank you.” She leaned into his touch.

“I love you.”

“Why do you keep saying it?”

“‘Cause I really need you to believe it, bug. I know you struggle to most of the time, but it’s the truth. I really, really love you. So much.“

“I can’t help it. Never been loved before.”

He looked sad all of the sudden. “You deserve so much better.”

“No, I do. I deserve you,” she told him. “Only you.” Her eyelids fluttered. He wasn’t sure if she was aware of what she said, but his heart swelled nonetheless.

“You deserve the world, and I can’t give it to you. I know that.”

“You’re the love of my life, Matthew, and you’re enough for me. You’re all I need. You’re my world. I don’t need anything but you. And even though it scares me, I’m so happy you’re here.”

“You’re enough for me too,” he whispered, too choked up by her bare confession to think straight. She had never actively told him that before.

Her heartbeat slowed down, breathing now even. He smiled again, tears in his eyes. Lips connected with hers, then her nose, then her forehead. Subconsciously, she smiled in her sleep, nuzzling further into the pillow and it was the cutest thing. He felt so happy in that moment, and relieved. He was relieved that she existed and that he had her and that she was alive – he craved her like air, he craved her like water. She was everything to him. Without her, he had no reason to wake up in the morning, no reason to keep going. She was his lifeline.

When he got up to get undressed and slip into bed beside her, finally, after such a long day, she grabbed his hand.

“Be right there, bug,” he said. “Told you, not going anywhere.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

She wasn’t even lucid enough to realize. He squeezed her hand, then let go. Taking off his clothes, he wondered how he got so lucky. And when he felt her body mold against him, head in the crook of his neck and curling like a koala bear, he finally came home, where he always wanted to be.

#matt murdock #daredevil #matt murdock imagines #matt murdock x f!reader #matt murdock x afab!reader #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock drabble #matt murdock fluff #matt murdock angst #hurt/comfort #human disaster matt murdock #marvel #matt murdock x female!oc #matt murdock x oc #drabble #netflix daredevil #mcu #reader insert #anxienty

629 notes · View notes

mistyheartrbs · 2 months ago

Text

vengeance would have been a perfect special if not for doc's death, and i think the reason for that is like. it changes vengeance from a fun sort of "optional" epilogue tv movie (that also doubles as a sizzle reel for andras to pitch a fifth season) to something that irrevocably changes the directions of the characters' lives. if this is the last entry in wynonna earp then doc is dead, wynonna has lost the love of her life, alice grows up without her father. it changes the beautiful ending of s4 - something that was so ruthlessly, defiantly hopeful when it was borne of a genre and a timeframe in which shock value and grimdark character death were the norm, when it was filmed in the middle of a devastating pandemic - into something much more cynical.

now, let me tell you about homestuck.

i love it when stories engage with their role as stories, and two projects that have done that (which also not so coincidentally had massive tumblr followings) are steven universe and, yes, homestuck -- specifically their followups, steven universe: future and the homestuck epilogues/homestuck^2: beyond canon.

steven universe future is a series that posits, "what happens when there's no one left to fight and you have to face yourself?" it's something that existed to tie up the loose ends left by steven universe's hasty cancellation/ending - and so it looks at an action hero's struggles with ptsd when he isn't saving the world anymore. it recontextualizes everything we thought was just another action scene, just another monster fight, just another thing he won with love and kindness and great, great injury to himself, and says, no, this hurt him, you cannot take on the world for yourself, you deserve a good life too. it's in conversation with steven universe's endless empathy and self-sacrifice and doesn't ridicule it but acknowledges that it's a philosophy that you can only hold for so long before you crack.

it's a lovely show that, while much darker than the original series, still ultimately ends on a hopeful note. of course steven isn't going to drive off into the sunset and never have any problems again. he's a person. he's going to drive away when it's already nighttime, and he's going to phone his therapist, and he's going to have good days and bad ones and he's never going to have some clean break from the things that still haunt him but he'll be okay.

the homestuck epilogues are bad, and they're mean-spirited, and they spit in the face of audiences who wanted happy endings for the characters. they're written to mimic ao3 fanfiction, and pretty openly mock the fandom and the people who got homestuck to this point in the first place.

creator andrew hussie thankfully seemed to realize that and changed course with homestuck^2: beyond canon, where they started making it a visual webcomic series again, and it started grappling more directly with homestuck as a story.

the first shot of homestuck^2 is of a spaceship with "theseus" scrawled onto the side. the title itself isn't "homestuck 2," it's homestuck squared. homestuck multiplied by itself. it's a writing team - people who started out as fans of homestuck and are now arbiters of it - with only minimal involvement from the original creator. who determines what is and isn't homestuck? is it the god-creator who wrote himself into the story, then wrote himself being killed off? is it this new writing team? is it you? after all, homestuck itself started with audience prompts. somebody who is not andrew hussie named john egbert. somebody who is not andrew hussie gets to decide how it continues, and if it ends, and why.

"misty, what the whiskey-shooting hell does any of this have to do with wynonna earp?"

what's weird about vengeance is that it doesn't do any of that. and in fact its very existence is antithetical to doc's death speech - it, like doc, is something that's dodged death. it's a followup to a show with one of the most satisfying series finales in recent memory. it's nothing so cynical as a cash grab (as i've seen people on the tag posit) - everyone involved genuinely loves this show. but it's basically a ninety-minute wynonna earp episode. aside from a few brief references and nods to the fans - waverly saying "welcome home, wynonna" - it's not interested in the three and a half years between the end of the show and this new special. it's not interested in whether it should exist, or how long people fought for it to exist. it does explore avenues that the series didn't have time to look into - wynonna's traumatic childhood, the lack of support from the adults in her life - but it's not looking at What "wynonna earp" is. it's not a story about Wynonna Earp (2016-2021), a SyFy Original Series that crafted lifelong friendships and conventions and stories and art and romances and careers and acted as a beacon of hope for thousands of young people during dark times. it's a story about wynonna earp, the character, who doesn't know if she can be a good mom to alice, who hurts the people she loves, who loves those people so, so fiercely she'll literally go to hell and back for them.

and i don't like that her ending is one full of grief. that doesn't feel fair to me.

but that's what season 5 is for, right?

#wynonna earp #we spoilers #homestuck #steven universe #i promise those tags will make sense #natsuki's terrible disco pants

21 notes · View notes

decembercamiecherries · 13 days ago

Text

20 questions for fic writers

No one tagged me to do this lol but I saw it on someone else's blog and thought it was really cool! And I'm trying to get better at being proud of my writing so here I am doing it!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

125

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,205,862......wow that is a lot more than I expected

3. What fandoms do you write for?

It's mostly hxh, but this year and last I've been dabbling in other fandoms like MDZS and Hazbin Hotel

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Words That Water Flowers - HxH, killugon, hanahaki au

Running Start - HxH, killugon, high school soulmate au

Sleepover x At x Wing's - HxH, killugon, post-canon au

Match Point - HxH, killugon, high school au

Make x It x Everlasting - HxH, killugon canon & post-canon au

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to but I have a hard time staying on top of them so I mostly just respond to comments on fics I've recently posted haha ^^; but I love comments it always makes my day to receive one!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

For HxH, it's probably: The Soulmate Phenomenon - modern soulmate au in which Killua rejects Gon being his soulmate Time x Bomb - canon au in which Killua is taken by Pitou instead of Kite For non HxH, I would say Statues which is a she-ra fic in which Adora dies and Catra ends up living at Bright Moon with her grief.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh gosh the happiest??? I write a lot of happy endings but purely happy fics are a little harder to come by so I'm just going to focus on HxH fics: After x Glow - post canon aged up au of Gon and Killua cuddling nothing else but you - modern au in which upcoming musician Gon visits his long distance boyfriend Killua during the holidays Shotgun Lovers - modern au in which Gon proposes to Killua after a month of dating

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not often but there's been a few comments here and there about elements in my fics that some people didn't like. A lot of people were unhappy with Time x Bomb so that's probably the one I've gotten the most hate for.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Lol yeah I have but only with friends as an rp sort of thing and that was yearsssssss ago.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't write a lot of crossovers but I think my daemon au series is the closest I've got? It's basically just HxH but with daemons from the His Dark Materials series.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of and I hope I never will!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I've had a couple of very nice people reach out to me, I'm honored that people liked my fics enough to want to translate some of them.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Only in an rp sense

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Killugon, obviously haha XDDDD the only other ships I would consider to be my otps are usuk (Hetalia) and gamkar (Homestuck)

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Wild Card and Gold Stained Blue TTT^TTT The Wild Card is a hetalia cardverse au that was my first attempt at a multichapter fic and I just don't have the energy to continue it any more. I'm planning to post a final summary of the ending so at least it will have some closure for readers. Gold Stained Blue is a killugon musician au written out in like bullet point form across three different google docs because it's so ridiculously long. I never got to post any of it because I was too tired after typing all the bullets out so rip. Maybe one day I will post the rough draft just for fun lol.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm really good with dialogue and also one shots. I love writing requests too because I get to create a whole story that has to be told in just a few paragraphs.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm not too great with worldbuilding or coming up with non-prompt ideas. I always feel like my more original stuff doesn't make sense and it's too exhausting to flesh out.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it's cool but I wouldn't do it again for a fic of my own because I can only speak english and I do not want to butcher another language haha

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Maybe....sharkboy and lavagirl??? I loved that movie a ridiculous amount haha. But the first fandom I posted anything for online was Hetalia.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

This is so impossible to answer aaahhhhhh! I have a soft spot for all my long multichapter fics (Words That Water Flowers, Graffiti, Swan Feathers, Waiting On You) but my the most fun one shots were the most indulgent ones (5 Times Gon Was Jealous, steal x your x breath) and I also like how painting flowers for you turned out since it was a very different fic than my usual ones.

I'm just going to tag all the fic writers on here that I know! So @xyliane, @cyberflamingo, @storybookprincess, @fireolin, @autumnxsunflower and @murderkitten666! No pressure of course if you don't want to do this ^-^

#dc writes #tag game #this was a lot of fun to think about!!!#i actually really like talking about my fics #even though i feel a bit awkward about it lol #i want to get better at being proud of them #and me

12 notes · View notes

quinnyundertow · 4 months ago

Note

Can I ask what got you into writing? I love your writing style and I'm so curious about your process as well.

This is such a sweet ask. I love it. This may be way more than what you were expecting haha. But I’m alone in the hospital and this feels cathartic.

I’ve always loved to write since I can remember. When I was in elementary school I remember getting yelled at and crying because I had to write a story about a thanksgiving turkeys adventure and mine was like twenty pages. They said it was too long and hurry up and I was frustrated because I wasn’t done!

I think what really solidified my love for writing is I needed fantasy to escape. In middle and early high school my parents divorced and I was bullied relentlessly. Gum put in my hair, things thrown at me, called fat at every opportunity. I had teachers that bullied me too for being fat. I was SA’d multiple times, depressed and started cutting. I’ve honestly tried to block most of it out.

The point is I had found anime and a few friends who loved it too. So any opportunity I had I begged friends to do writing journals with me. We’d make up a crack fic plots then write self insert and pass a notebook back and forth between classes every chapter for the next person to write. We wrote for Yugioh, Naruto, Dragonball Z, Fruits Basket popular ones at the time. I also wrote poetry, fanfics and original stories to try and escape anyway I could. Writing was the highlight of my teenage years. But other than that it was hell and you could never pay me enough money to repeat them.

I dropped out of Highschool from the bullying and my depression. But I studied and took a test for Highschool equivalency and then went to college and got straight As. College is nothing like Highschool. No one cares what you do. At least in my experience. I wanted to be a writer or manga artist but my father told me I wasn’t good enough and I wish I wouldn’t have taken it to heart and listened. I stopped writing for like ten years except for periodic ideas in notebooks until this last November.

Jujutsu Kaisen had become my comfort anime and then chapter 236 happened. I was so depressed I decided to try and read fanfics again. I’ve always read a lot of published books and was staggered to see a ton of fanfic writers were just as good if not better than published writers. After reading a ton of amazing works I decided I needed a fix it story that was ultimately happy for JJK and here we are.

Sorry if this was boring or too much. But if you take away something from this take this. Life is always changing. Tomorrow will not be the same as today. That much is guaranteed. If you have nothing left to live for then you have nothing to lose by trying something crazy or new. I was broken down to nothing by bullies, family issues, mental and physical health and I was incredibly suicidal. Somehow I found the will to try again. I got on depression and anxiety medication (still on to this day), worked for a higher education and took a shitty paying job to claw my way back up. My life is far from perfect but despite everything I worked hard to now have a boss babe high paying career and after restarting writing and meeting you all I’ve never been happier.

As far as a writing process I pretend I’m not going to post what I write and write it just for me. I ask myself what do I think would be the coolest thing to happen? What would I want to see next? Then I write it. Most of the time it sucks, or I don’t feel like writing it but I force it out. I make myself sit for 15 minutes and just write something. Then I rewrite it. Keep what parts I liked toss what feels off. Repeat. Eventually I’m having fun and loving the process.

When rewriting I’ll name them things like WICYG Chapter 12.2 for the second rewrite etc. I’ll screen shot my google doc so you can see the insanity haha. Sometimes I’ll rewrite four plus times. At the end of the day I want to love what I write and do it for me. Then when I find people that like it too it makes me over the moon happy. I hope one day to have the confidence to write my original stories in my head out. Writing fics for yall has definitely helped build my confidence as a writer.Thanks again for the ask anon sorry for the life story but I’ve never told people all that and it was healing to get out.

My messy google docs 🥹 Madhouse is Sanity Last Stop lol.

#quinnyspeaks #this is a long one #thank you anon #ao3 writer

22 notes · View notes

knightpetrichor · 6 months ago

Text

i have so many bsd zombie apocalypse fic ideas in my google docs folder and idk which to write so im posting them here lmao

Soukoku

Fifteen-year-old Chuuya is on the run from Arahabaki Lab---the lab that tried to perfect the ARAHABAKI Project, an experiment with the goal of creating a human immune to the zombie virus that's ravaging Earth. Chuuya searches desperately for a place where the scientists can't get to him, even if it means crossing the Wastes, the large expanses of infested land between Suribachi City and Yokohama, where he hopes to take refuge.

However, the Wastes are hard to cross, and when Chuuya runs into a boy who offers to guide him to Yokohama, he says yes. Dazai is annoying, but he's a good shot; and best of all, he doesn't ask about Chuuya's past.

The trip is long and dangerous. Zombies, violent groups of survivors, and scavenging missions are all hazards, and if they want to survive, they have to work together. Fighting their way through the ruins of Japan, bickering, and encountering new people, the two grow closer, but Chuuya begins to wonder... just who is Dazai? And what is he hiding?

2. Ranpoe

When the apocalypse started, Poe lost all communication with his best friend, Ranpo, who lives overseas in Japan. Now five years later, Poe decides to go looking. (Or: Ranpo and Poe are long distance besties, The Guild are a smuggling ring with a giant ass boat that is actually plot relevant, the Armed Detective Agency are doing ADA things in Japan.) (Or: Poe and the rest of the Guild sail to Japan on the Moby Dick five years after the apocalypse after like 50k words and ranpoe canon)

3. Kunikidazai

Kunikida and Dazai are college roommates that don't really get along. but after the apocalypse starts, they have to work together to survive, at least until they get to the safehouse on the other side of the city. But as they fight their way through Japan, they end up getting closer. (Dazai is immune to zombie bites lol. The idea of having a scene parallel to that one in Dazai's Entrance Exam where Kunikida threatens to shoot Dazai but its because Dazai might turn into a zombie??? mmm)

4. Fukumori (ik, im suprised too. i dont even ship them, idk where this idea came from)

When Fukuzawa was 32, the world ended. Now three weeks later, the Silver Wolf travels from place to place, searching for somewhere to settle down as the chaos of the apocalypse takes Yokohama by storm. When he finds a seemingly abandoned building, he hopes to start a new life there, away from the city.

However, Fukuzawa is not the only one looking for somewhere to live. The building he had intended to make his home was actually an elementary school—and the four children left; Ranpo, Yosano, Dazai, and Kunikida, are still alive. Most interestingly, there is a man there—a children's physician who introduces himself as Mori Ougai. His leg is injured, but as a doctor, Mori is a useful asset to both Fukuzawa and the children, so the two make a compromise: Until things in Yokohama calm down, Fukuzawa will scavenge for food and protect Mori and the kids, and Mori will take care of any medical necessities. It's only meant to be a temporary arrangement, but time passes, Fukuzawa and Mori stay; more kids are rescued, friendships form, and before they know it, years have gone by. (Or: i slamdunk fukumori into the found family trope)

5. Fukuzawa + Ranpo

This is just an Untold Origins zombie au.

When the apocalypse started, Fukuzawa lost his best friend. Five years later, Fukuzawa is a powerful hunter capable of bringing a whole hoard down. And he does it all alone. But when he saves a 14-year-old boy from a zombie hoard and the child insists on staying, he finds that maybe it isn't too late to try again. And when the kid gets in danger, Fukuzawa has to choose between keeping his current life, and starting a new one.

anyways. if any of you guys want me to write one of these, pls comment. (or if u guys want to use any of these as prompts, go ahead, just tag me when ur done writing !! i want to see the finished product lol)

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #soukoku #fukumori #kndz #kunikidazai #ranpoe #fic ideas #fanfic

50 notes · View notes

httpsserene-main · 2 years ago

Text

‧͙⁺˚･༓☾ hummingbird ☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

notifications ☽︎: fem!navi!reader, selectivelymute!reader, deaf!reader, sully family x reader (platonic), side!neteyam x reader, self harm, panic attacks, sensory overload, child neglect and abuse, canon typical violence, no proofreading whatsoever lmao, 7.5k words

requested ☽︎: uhh sort of?? i reached out to the lovely @inutheangel who happily dealt with my rambling and decided to give writing a mute and deaf reader a shot! so i am really thankful they wanted to see this!

developer's notes ☽︎: okayyyyyyy! i am back! i was originally planning to get this out like last friday but i got reallyyy sick. like 103 degree fever for two days sick, multiple antibiotics, bed rest, no energy type beat. and i worked on it when i could but school started for me and it was taking everything in me to recover lmao. n e ways…. this is my child now. thank you @inutheangel, for gracing me with the opportunity to write this, and for answering all of my questions, and i hope you are pleased!!

so this is a fem!reader, who’s also selectively mute and deaf. i did a bit of research to have a deeper understanding of these conditions, but i didn’t get too technical with it because i didn’t want to bore anyone, and this piece is already long enough without drawn out details. so it’s sort of? family-centric and follows the plot of the second movie loosely, because i couldn’t decide how to include it fully and that would’ve been an even longer work. it’s an 18 page long google doc, please spare me. i apologize to the besties reading on mobile. this whole work consists of headcanons, but i’m lowkey thinking about writing scenarios, and drabbles about fem!mute!deaf!na’vi!reader, which is a mouthful so i’m just going to call her hummingbird!reader, because jake calls her that in these hcs lol. if you want to see more of hummingbird!reader, and have any ideas of your own, or any fun thoughts about her and interactions with the sully’s let me know and i genuinely will respond and enthuse about this!

if i missed any tw's let me know, if you want more of hummingbird!reader let me know, and of course, enjoy!

much love, kirby <3 !!!

your father who died due to wounds being sustained when fighting the sky people

neytiri gave birth to neteyam 4 months before your father passed, and is the one to inform reader’s mother as they are close friends.

your mother is barely 6 months pregnant with you, and the news about her mate sends her into distress and early labor

jake who was close with your parents (being two of the few omatikaya who eagerly helped him learn their ways) frantically got in touch with norm and max when the elders who were assisting your mother said that both you and your mother would probably die during childbirth.

norm and max perform a successful c-section not only saving you and your mother; you are born drastically underweight, barely half the size of your mother’s forearm, and you fail to breastfeed properly and you are transported to the lab to receive proper nourishment

your mother comes with, needing time to heal from c-section and the instinct to be close to you, but her behavior will change unbeknownst to everyone

when you become healthy enough to leave with your mother and return to the omatikaya clan, she’s aided by the women in the tribe helping her raise and nourish you in the absence of her mate, but it is mainly neytiri who sticks by her side bringing neteyam and, jake who stops on his own to watch over you as he promised your father he would

but when she’s alone with you… her instinctive mothering nature begins to dwindle, your face mirrors your fathers, and your mother hurts whenever she looks at you

she ignores your cries for her attention only seeming to return to the present when other na’vi come to check in on why your screams haven’t ceased

and as you grow stronger and older, her feelings of anguish and despair transform into anger.

she refers to you as a demon child, never stopping to remind you that you nearly killed her in the process of your birth, that she wishes you were never born, and that she’d trade your life for your father’s without hesitation

you do not understand her words yet, you understand her body language and the hostility radiating off of her

you're nearing two years of age, and it gets worse. you have yet not begun to speak. no first words, not a single babble besides cries. and she begins to compare you to other children your age who are developing normally

she yells at you for being a stupid, worthless child, embarrassing her with your silence. her volume raises even more when she finds you not even turning to look at her while she screams at you talks to you, failing to notice that you literally cannot hear her

she’s practically breaking the sound barrier raging for you to look at her while she’s talking to you. she marches over—roughly pulling your arm to get you to look at her— and your pained yelp is the only sound that escapes you as she continues to berate you

tiny ears pinned back in distress, tail tucked between your legs to match eyes wide with fear and confusion— not understanding why your mother only treats you like this you’ve seen how sweet neytiri is to her children

you’ve become numb to your mother’s behavior. you adapted to survive her anger. learning to avoid her at all costs; staying as far away from her as possible when she begins one of her tyrants. but this is her first time becoming physical with you

her bruising grip at your arm drops and switches to ripping your hair out yanking at your braids pulling your head backwards uncomfortably, scalp burning, and you begin to scream and cry

she’s completely delusional, cackling, “now you start making noise”

jake who was not far from your dwelling, is preparing a few carcasses to be cooked, when his ears picked up on your cries

he brushes off the first wave of your tears assuming it's just regular childlike tantrums which you rarely have without good reason anymore

jake who fails to brush off tears the second time, your mother’s vengeful screams paired with your terrified cries—his paternal affliction for you overrides him and he rushes to get to you

you blank out of most of the altercation, only remembering seeing the olo’eyktan’s angry expression when he enters the tent, and eventually ending up returning to awareness in neytiri’s arms head hugged to her chest, feeling her sobs

you pull away confused at the change in scenery, looking around a little panicked unknowing of how you ended up in the sully’s tent; neteyam, kiri and jake nowhere to be seen

neytiri who tries to calm you down, but you do not even react, only turning to reach up at her face— a painfully adorable confused expression on your face as you pat her face trying to wipe her tears her heart breaks for you

your mother is probably banished to another clan i don’t know the logistics of that but she is definitely not welcome to stay neytiri would rip her fucking tracks out on god

and from that point forward you are basically adopted by the sully’s

neytiri accepts you as her own daughter, feeling responsible for not being aware of your mother’s neglectful and abusive treatment of you. she’d do anything for you (when you reach an older age she offhandedly mentions that she almost slaughtered your mother lol)

jake fully accepts you as well; he’s angry at himself for not protecting you as he should have. he’s extremely gentle with you, still treating you carefully as you’re still on the smaller side of average you’re barely bigger than kiri even though your almost a year older than her

neteyam and kiri are thrilled that you’re here to play with them forever. both of them accept you with minimal confusion; kiri is extremely grateful that she has someone to help her in bothering her older brother

when lo’ak is born, neteyam and kiri were interested in their baby brother at first but soon become bored when they realize he can’t play with them yet and even more uninterested when all lo’ak seems to do is eat, sleep, and cry. emphasis on the crying part

you on the other hand, are thrilled at having a baby brother, eager to hold him and stay by his side with neytiri and jake.

when neytiri and jake awake to lo’ak’s shrill screams in the middle of the night, neteyam and kiri are awoken as well disgruntled at the interruption of their sleep. but you stay asleep, as if you never heard his cries.

neytiri and jake, who take this as a blessing at first, because they don’t have to soothe all of their children back to sleep. but as all of you continue growing, neytiri and jake begin to become concerned

you still haven't made any effort with words, and they start to notice your lack of reaction at speech, and the sounds of pandora all around you

jake’s sweet call of your nickname “hummingbird” because all you seem to do is hum so quietly it’s almost inaudible, he repeats himself multiple times to try and get your attention, but ends up having to insert himself into your field of view for you to pay attention

neytiri’s warning for you not to stray too far from them at the river in the jungle, toddling off on your own intrigued by the feeling of the water rushing across your feet, ending up alone by yourself further downstream, hysterically crying (so quietly that its hard for them to find you), the only thing you're able to feel is the vibration of the water that soothes you as it gets darker. and the vibration of her panicked footsteps through the ground rush in your direction before your scooped up by her

kiri asking you to add some beads to her hair, distracted by the field of flowers in front of you, only becoming aware of her request when she pats you on the shoulder and you jump unaware of her being that close

neteyam asking if you want to play hide and seek with him and a couple other kids, he knows you get scared if you’re randomly touched,so he stomps on the ground behind you and you turn around curious at the vibrations, and he asks you again and you squint to read his lips

couldn’t think of anything for lo’ak since he’s just a littol baybee

neytiri and jake who finally bring their questions to norm and max after they see neteyam’s manner of interaction with you

and they finally receive an answer for your behavior. you're selectively mute, and completely deaf !!! wow shocker crazy breathtaking shook unbelievable

this isn’t that much of a surprise to jake, but to neytiri this is unheard of in na’vi society, or at least so rare it’s not talked about

norm and max who theorize that your deafness was due to complications of your premature birth, and that your selective mutism stems from the traumatic relationship with your biological mother

jake and neytiri who are at first distraught with this revelation–and the fact that you won’t be able to experience life like other children– but are quick to ask for ways to communicate better with you

and at around 5 years old you begin speech therapy and your own special version of listening therapy with norm and max!

they do a couple tests with you to see where you are developmentally, and find that you’re actually smarter than most kids your age lmao, when you find out about this you definitely rub it in neteyam’s face.

neteyam who allows your non-verbal smugness parade, finding himself happy at your confidence

they learn that the squinting when you talk isn’t because you can’t see, it’s because you're trying to read their lips as they talk. you struggle with it now. not only because you’re a kid, but also because you’ve never heard the language

and as you spend more time in the lab with norm and max, you get more comfortable with them and learning speech.

the lab is the only place you feel comfortable with your attempts at talking because there’s no pressure from the two, unlike the other na’vi. being around everybody who can hear you struggling to speak correctly, and being teased and mocked by kids your age

norm and max suggest that your family learns sign language to try and help communicate with you

when they taught you how to write to more accurately represent yourself the first thing you wrote was “head hurt,” and tried to gesture that it was because of all the eye strain from squinting to read lips

the sully’s who are now dedicated to learning sign language for you <3

jake, norm, and max all work on developing your special language quickly developing it with the help of fancy sky people technology

and you take to it like a ikran does to flying (i’m working on relevant phrases as you can tell i am struggling lmao)

yet you only use it outside of the lab whenever you muster up enough confidence too, it’s still a form of communication and sometimes you just get so anxious that you shut down even more

the first time you sign with your family is in the comfort around the fire, when lo’ak sets his food on fire. you all freak out for a moment, jake scrambling to put it out, and it’s silent for a minute.

lo’ak who is on the verge of tears, and you hum above your normal volume of damn near silent and everyone’s attention flickers to you, but you do not notice.

you sign a simple, “skxawng. eat mine.” offering him your food

everyone laughs a bit shocked and hysterical at tonight's two big events, lo’ak being a lost cause, and you calling him an idiot

when tuk is born, you are happy to have another girl around to outnumber lo’ak and neteyam.

as a baby tuk loves your consistent quiet humming to your own tune, and you love the vibrations of her giggles and even her cries. you quickly decipher the different feelings of her cries understanding what she wants better that her own parents

now you and neteyam are both around 7, kiri and lo’ak roughly 6, and tuk a newborn

you’ve adapted so quickly in pandora

you’ve become way better with understanding the vibrations you feel beneath your feet; whether it’s an ikran pushing off from the ground, a pa’li nearing closer, a stream flowing nearby, or now spider’s failed attempts to sneak up on you (idk what to do with spider can you tell)

with how much you spend time in the lab with norm and max, you eventually start speaking in small quantities around them

your voice incredibly quiet, as you cannot hear yourself, but you watch their surprise and preen at the praise they give you as you succeed and excel

neytiri and jake who are pissed at the fact that norm and max are the only ones who have heard your voice lmao

the labrats take you out into the jungle to study your reaction to the stimuli in the jungle and notice that the mid-tone humming you do in your throat, actually changes to a higher pitch and sometimes you click

your ears flick towards the ruffling of leaves, the fluttering of insect wings, the rushing of water, the growling of animals, as if you can actually hear

they also notice how you hate when your feet are not touching the ground, your feet are always firmly planted, to feel

you’ve grown so much around norm and max with your speech that you can even read some of their english paperwork to them outloud even if you have no understanding of the bigger words but you still verbally close off when you return to your clan

but hey that’s selective mutism, when they ask why you are unable to speak you find that it’s not because you don’t want to…it feels like you physically can’t

when you and lo’ak are running around out of your parents’ range of hearing you love to speak to him (no matter how quiet your voice is) and everytime lo’ak bursts with joy at the fact that you feel comfortable enough to talk to him #youngerbrotherprivileges

he runs off to tell your parents and siblings that you spoke to him, but you pretend like nothing ever happened and that lo’ak is just imagining things

nobody believes him lmaooo, (i’m grinning)

omg! jake who brings you along to war strategy meeting when the sky people return, with you resting against his chest soaking up the feeling of his strong heartbeat, the softest purr continuously rumbling your tiny body

jake who holds you on his hip and explains the strategies of war to you and the various maps, lowkey using you as a medium to help remember plans better not realizing you’re eager to learn more about how to protect your people

omg major plot point alert!! when you come for a yearly checkup with norm and max, they mention cochlear implants for you

neytiri and jake are thrilled that you may have a possibility to actually hear

but you are scared at the idea of hearing everything

the discussion continues norm and max letting you know it would be a few years until you implants are made as there isn’t a audiologist around to assist them in their creation (idk how this would take realistically, but i’m going with this)

eventually you agree, starting to realize that you’d be able to hear your mom and dad’s voice, your sibling’s laughter, and neteyam’s laugh <3

at this point you have lurked around mo’at soaking up all of her tsahik practices, while neteyam is being taught how to use his bow and knife by jake and neytiri

at first your fine with just learning to be a healer, but eventually you start to see how jake and neytiri treat you and neteyam differently

they still treat you as if you’re the defenseless little girl they adopted years ago and neteyam as if he’s a full blown warrior

one more morning of watching neytiri and jake gather their various weapons, and neteyam begin to grab his own, while you’re being sent to mo’at to learn more about eywa (whom you love, but it’s begin to become repetitive, as you’ve heard her lessons many times before) you’ve finally had enough!

you walk up to jake and neytiri, shoulders raised upwards with unbridled anger and begin vigorously signing and them, a little to fast for them to catch up

neteyam who translates the bits and pieces he catches from the side “i….fight too….same…learn…defense…arrows…knives…”

jake who squats to your level and asks you to repeat yourself

slowly you sign as if speaking to tuk a child, “why can’t i learn to fight too? neteyam and i are the same age, we should be equal! i want to hunt fish too, learn to be a warrior, how to defend the people, shoot arrows, and cut with knives!!”

jake who is vehemently against you learning to use weapons and fight, and neytiri agrees

you spend the whole morning arguing as best as you can, before jake dismisses you and trashes your wishes to become a warrior

you break down into sobs, and jake reaches out to pull you his chest, neytiri to pet your hair but you shove their hands away from you, and your very first words to them are an anger-filled “i hate you!” stunning neytiri and jake long enough for you to rush by them and into the forest, narrowly avoiding the other na’vi’s grasps to bring you back to your parents

you travel in a direction you’ve never been in; leading yourself to a part of the forest your unfamiliar with, and discover you’ve gotten yourself lost (skull emoji)

you sit down expecting jake or neytiri to find you but when you feel the vibrations of footsteps reaching you, you realize it’s neteyam

you turn to hiss at him (one of your louder sounds) but he ignores it, going to sit right next to you and throwing an arm around your shoulder

you begin to cry again, using neteyam’s shoulder to literally cry on

he lets you tire yourself out before he pats your cheek causing you to look up at him and he says, “mom and dad are dumb.” (wide eyes emoji) “i will teach you what i learn from them when we are supposed to be playing, okay?”

and you accept his offer (girl boss and boy boss locked in bound 4 lyfe by their treasonous?? actions)

when neteyam leads you home, you allow yourself to be scolded and hugged by your parents and siblings, but their stance on you becoming a warrior hasn’t changed, so you fully rely on neteyam’s plan.

jake who does the bare minimum™ and gives you a little dagger for protection and teaches you how to use it, but refuses to do any more than that

a few more years have passed, sending you and neteyam into awkward growth stages, long limbs becoming lanky, the height difference between you becoming more obvious even though you are only four months younger than him. lo’ak starts learning to fight like his brother, you and kiri fully become apprentices training with mo’at and the other healers, and tuk shadowing her sisters everywhere

for 5 years you and neteyam have kept your promise learning how to fight through everything he teaches you, and the both of you stalking watching omatikaya warriors to perfect your form

anytime you try to tell neteyam that his grasp on his knife is incorrect, or his bow string isn’t taught enough, he automatically claims that you’re wrong and he’s right because “he’s older”

and everytime you say “only by four months!” receiving a smug “i'm still older” in response lol

you’ve definitely developed a little puppy crush on him, making a disgusted face when the other na’vi girls your learning to heal with refers to neteyam as your brother

you are quick to correct them tho, with an audible “no. he is my best friend, not my brother.” stunning them into silence at your firm yet light–quiet voice

kiri and tuk hear all of this of course, and start to prod at you about your crush on neteyam and suddenly you’ve lost the ability to understand sign language and how to read lips (reader is a comedian lmao)

while you and neteyam are locked in, 4 lifers, bound by your mutual-disobedience to your parents; you and lo’ak become a different breed of na’vi

apart from him, you are a poster-child for the poster-child. you weave many clothes, bracelets, baskets for everyone. address younger children's wounds when they played too rough, and genuinely strived to brighten everyones day with your mere presence, not needing to speak to do so

but with lo’ak… y'all are menaces to society, playing pranks on everyone but they’re generally pranks of minor inconveniences. y’all also stay out too late in the jungle, precariously explore areas you shouldn’t, etc. casual lo’ak type beat

jake still brings you to the strat meetings, letting this be the closest you ever get to war, and eventually asks for your point of view on things and starts taking your input into account, and sometimes even says to the other warriors, “my daughter notices that…my daughter thinks it may be better if..” and you preen, happy to accept this level of acknowledgement even if you are still not allowed to fight :(

ding dong! your ears have arrived!!!

as your listening and speech therapy has continued you’ve started to refer to your implants as your “ears” (i just thought it would be cute to call them that lol)

neytiri and jake drop you off at the lab for surgery, and it all happens pretty quick. (small incisions behind the ears while under anesthesia, instructions to keep them clean, and you have another four weeks to wait until you can use them to hear)

a month passes, and this time the whole family ventures to the lab to be there for your first experience of full volume

norm signs to you that he’s turning the ears on and when you begin to hear noises, you gasp, scaring yourself at your own volume, hands covering your mouth, ears perked upwards reaching and grasping for every sound around you

and the very first thing you hear is neteyam laughing at you, you turn to look at him, shocked that you can actually hear it, and then everyone begins talking with you, well at you

the rowdy sully’s are instructed to calm down before they overwhelm you with their voices, and the first words you grace them all with after you told neytiri and jake that you hated them are:

“i love you.” and then you begin crying bc your a soft soul who can’t take all these life changing moments you’ve had with the sully’s

talking is still very hard for you, so when you return home you shyly sign, “even though there are so many beautiful sounds, my favorites have to be the sound of your voices”

you are a rizzologistTM, there go the whole family blushing and kicking their feet

now there are two downsides to your “ears”

1. the fact that they rely on battery and last only around 8 hours (i feel like they’d still be in their prototype-era idk)

and b. that you become incredibly overwhelmed at all the sounds you’re hearing. the switch up was intentional ty (but i think overstimulation is normal for a person who has never experienced hearing before??)

almost everyday, after 4 hours you yank the ears off your head exhausted at hearing and return to the family tent happy with your silence as you recover

one particular day, you go through your daily duties, assisting mo’at in organizing in prepping and preparing medicines, delivering goods to various families, drawing new supply lines for the warriors, refereeing a children’s game, braiding hair, refining your arrow accuracy–and the noises are starting to make you physically hurt

the breaking point is when your whole family is sitting and waiting for dinner to finish cooking, and the sound of neytiri’s knife hitting the board sounds like a gunshot right by your ear

you abruptly burst into tears, the sound of your own distress further upsetting you. your hand cover your ears, before you finally rip your hearing aids off throwing them away from you, uncaring about damaging the precious technology

jake who immediately tries to soothe you asking you questions you can’t hear, and then you begin to claw at behind your ears as if your trying to dig out the internal mechanisms, starting to draw blood

kiri’s who’s sitting next to you tries to pull you hands away, but you shove her off of you, and you now curl up, knees to your chest rocking back and forth frantically

neytiri is the one to manage to get you to stop scratching at yourself, hugging you tightly and not letting you go no matter how hard you try to push yourself away from her gasp

your still inconsolable even though you’ve stopped hurting yourself, rocking back and forth as much as you can in neytiri’s grasp, and neteyam offers a solution

neteyam requests to bring you to a spot that he “found” implying that it might help you calm down. jake and neytiri are against the idea, not wanting to move you in this state, but he pleads, “if this doesn’t work then we can come back and try something different, but i know it will!”

mo’at is called over to watch over the rest of the kiddies as you, neteyam, neytiri, and jake make the trip to this “secret spot”

you being princess carried (i think it’s the bridal carry but nah u a princess today) by jake *sob sob* it the calmest you’ve gotten so far but you’re still unresponsive and very far away from the present

they approach a clearing in the jungle after an 30ish minute walk, and neteyam gestures for you to be set on the ground, while gesturing for neytiri and jake to stop hovering around you while he sits in front of your still rocking body

the grass is a luscious green even in the dark, the area illuminated by the glowing fauna on the outskirts, and neteyam gently brings your hand up to his chest placing it directly over his heart, and presses his forehead to yours, his eyes closed, as he slows and strengthens his breathing

you slowly stop rocking, your eyes clearing as your breathing matches neteyam’s, the bioluminescent freckles on both of your body's flickering in the same pattern, and grass starts to pulse in time with your synced breaths

your eyes flutter closed as well, and a few atokirina start to float around the both you landing on both of you two–and when one lands on neteyam’s head he opens his eyes and carefully pulls his head away, a sigh escaping him as he relaxes fully

and then he turns to see jake and neytiri’s faces (i’m screaming, as i'm writing this) of shock like, he’s never seen his parents this off balance, and figures he owes them an explanation

“we discovered this place when we were kids, and she really liked it because she said that she felt eywa’s presence was strong here, and that it was like she could almost hear my voice when i spoke to her. and when she got her ears, we’d visit here more often whenever we both could sneak out between our tasks so she could relax from the constant noises.”

his last sentence brings neytiri’s and jake’s attention that they’re are very few sounds escaping into the clearing from the dense brush surrounding them, it was a void masking the noises of the jungle

neteyam continues, “it was a little trial and error process to figure out how to calm her down when she got overwhelmed like she did tonight–” he pauses as you slump forward into his chest exhaustion besting you as you fall asleep, “but i managed to figure it out after she crashed during one of our sparring matches.”

and then he does a verbal “oh shit”

jake repeats him, “one of your ‘sparring matches’????” neytiri stunned into silence at his side

and now neteyam realizes he might not make it back alive to the rest of your family as he explains for the past almost 6 years that he's been teaching you how to fight, and jake and neytiri start to lose their mind at neteyam’s prolonged betrayal of their wishes

hey but he’s saved by your sleeping, and jake stonily tables the discussion for the morning

the morning is not very fun for you or neteyam, being lectured for many hours about your secret lessons and everything and jake tries to use your recent overstimulation-episode as reason as to why you shouldn’t be fighting and you lose it at him

you speak, desperately, “you have not even seen my skills yet! it does not matter if it is a bow, or a knife, or a spear, i am very skilled. neteyam says that i have even better aim than him! instead of using my weaknesses as a reason for me to not learn, you should try to teach me to become better! not ban me from protecting myself, my family, or my people!” your voice breaks, “will you not even allow me the ability to defend my home?”

and with those words, neytiri–sees herself mirrored in you–breaks and suggests to jake that he he does teach you how to fight, soothing his worries with the stance of you at least being prepared to defend yourself and your family, while not necessarily having to be fighting on the front lines

spoiler alert jake caves, you and neteyam rejoice before your both consequently punished with morning training and evening training sessions

you have a lot of catching up to do, even lo’ak knows more than you as he teases you in the morning sessions he now tags along in

your relationship with neytiri grows stronger as she teaches you the way of the bow.

it’s like you’re her clone, as you grow up you begin to resemble her more than your biological mother. you become more confident, your presence assertive, not being afraid to speak your mind more often.

your relationship with jake takes more time to mend in the start. you feel his hesitation when you deal with any slightly dangerous matters. but it improves as you make a clean kill on your 13th birthday so precise many of the people debate if you or neteyam had a cleaner kill on your rites of passage. when you beat neteyam’s time for your own iknimaya by a few seconds (a whole seven seconds you taunt to neteyam) jake is berating himself for suppressing your talents

lowkey, i think you would hate flying in the begin because your feet aren’t touching the ground, but that is a story for another time because this is getting way too long

and he begins to allow you to join supply raids with neteyam when you turn 15 (as long as your ears are full charged up)

(let’s pretend like they never went to the metkayina clan for this i am too tired to make this chronologically/canonically accurate; i promise i have a plot somewhere in this long ass headcanon)

you and neteyam are excelling at being the eyes for your father and the warriors, always alerting everybody of sky people and leaving with no casualties or low numbers during the unfortunate but rare circumstances

the warriors ask for your thoughts when planning raids, and even happily utilize your suggestions

when lo’ak joins you two on raids, too eager, it always end up with he and neteyam getting hurt, but when that missile hit you almost lost yourself thinking your little brother and first love died

but unlike jake, you don’t berate lo’ak you only tightly hug him, quietly conversing with him expressing your worry that you lost him, which does begin to have him start considering his reckless behavior

after caring for lo’ak and addressing his few scratches and knicks that were bypassed by your mother and father, you direct lo’ak to the tent with neteyam, your sisters, and your grandmother

the healer in you automatically awakens, taking care of the scrapes kiri and mo’at have not gotten to

you hold his face and clean the knicks from rubble, applying a paste to prevent scarring, and feel his gaze warming your cheeks, you steadfastly ignoring him

mo’at and lo’ak making eye contact and almost bursting out laughing and snorting at the two of you (i hc that mo’at and lo’ak are besties)

omg after that night when neteyam took you to the clearing with your parents, neytiri and jake automatically consulted mo’at about the atokirina and the pulsing of the grass and all she had to say was “eywa has chosen” with a smug ass look on her face (the smug look must be genetic)

lo’ak of course eavesdropping and then gossiping with mo’at constantly about how dense you two were lmaooo i love him so much

the sky people still capture spider. you are unaware of the situation as you’re hearing aids were undergoing updates with max and norm, and you were in the lab with them

when you return to the depressing aura surrounding the omatikaya, kiri’s haunted expression, you get the full story from poor tuk, pulling her into your lap as you wait for your parents to finish their discussion

obviously, when you hear about jake’s plan to leave you tell him that’s utterly stupid, obv he doesn’t want to hear it, but you plead for him to listen as the olo’eyktan, and not as a father

something along the lines of you'd be bringing the fight to clans who have nothing to do with it, you have better knowledge of the mountains than of the sky people yadayadayada,

and he agrees! wow ur so strong and persuasive with logical reasoning, but he still does make a trip to the island to try and recruit some of the homies

you, neteyam, lo’ak, neytiri, and the other warriors start drafting so many war plans together while jake is toruk-makto-ing his ass of in foreign lands, intertwining the reef tactics with your own forest tactics

the metkayina agree to aid you in the rivers meeting the sea underneath the mountains, and secure the coastline of any fleeing sky people and stuff

fast forward, jake draws the sky people into the mountainous area, battle being fought successfully on the na’vi part but the same capture situation of lo’ak, tuk, and kiri occurs

you take tuk and kiri, while lo’ak and neteyam stupidly try to find spider on their own.

you fly kiri and tuk to safety on a nearby cliffside with a trusted ally, and circle back calling the boys’ ikran for a quick getaway

as you order lo’ak to jump for his ikran with spider, gunshots narrowly whizz by and neteyam follows after

his ikran gets hit, and so does he, plummeting out of the air

you dive after him, your ikran just barely getting you close enough to grab and pull him onto your saddle before they crashed

you feel his blood spill onto you, and you abandon the battle to take him back to mo’at and the healers knowing they have all the material prepared for caring for injuries

you dismount, screaming for help, as you lay him on the flat ground, hands applying pressure to the wound above his heart, neteyam whimpering out an “i-i’m okay, you can hear me right- i won’t leave you before…” and he struggles to continue

you cry, as the healers all join you doing the most to staunch the bleeding, on his back as the bullet went straight through, and at the pain he passes out, and you begin to panic at the thought of losing him forever

norm and max are there tho, and with their swanky human technology and endless prayers to eywa–the healers, a dreamwalker, and a human are able to stop the bleeding and stabilize neteyam!!!! (aye i really am not ready to kill neteyam in one of my works my soul is too fragile for that)

ding dong the wicked quatrich is dead!!! or maybe not i’ll let you decide whether or not spider saves him in this scenario it’s not key to the plot at this point

the sky people turn running with their figurative tails between their legs

the metkayina annihilate any stragglers trying to escape off the coast

your family returns learning how close neteyam is/was to death, and rush to see him

you’re sitting by his side, hand over his heart making sure it doesn’t miss a beat, eyes trained on his face, your other hand with a damp rag cleaning all other debrief off of him

mo’at stands behind you, hands on your shoulders, staring at her grandson with worry seeping through her usual expressionless face

your hearing aids have died, so you can’t hear you’re family entering

tuk startles you as she climbs into your lap, and hugs your arm while her own tiny hand joins yours on neteyam’s chest

you look up at your mom and dad while lo’ak, spider, and kiri, rush to neteyam’s side, the tears beginning to flow from your eyes again, a raspy “i was almost too late to save him” spills from your lips

jake embraces you and mo’at, while neytiri kneels next to you, a hand on your knee while dampening your cloth to continue cleaning her son

as everyone begins to get treated for their injuries, various warriors spilling in, you refuse to have you own wounds looked at if it requires you to leave neteyam’s side

you stay in the tent by neteyam’s beside, numb to all the chaos happening around you, and it definitely helps that you can’t be disturbed at the sounds around you

it’s three days before neteyam awakens

you’ve slept in the tent, picked at your food, only eating enough to please your mother, kiri treated your wounds as you refused to remove your hand from his chest.

and when he rouses with a groan, and eyes squinting open, you call for mo’at, max and norm frantically, your whole family tumbling in too

and as dry as his throat must be, the first thing he asks is, “did we do it?”

and you all start crying again, jake walking over to sit on the ground by neteyam’s side and pets his head, nodding softly, choking up

and you finally slip away from his side, neteyam not missing your withdrawal, before his siblings fill up your absence, and you allow mo’at to finally get a closer look at your injuries

neteyam stays in the medical tent for a week, before he’s allowed to be transferred back to his family, and you’ve haven’t been to see him since he’s woken up

you’re afraid

you’ve spent seven days constantly working, over-working, so you don’t have to go to sleep; checking everybodies injuries to make sure they’re healing properly, guiding prayers for the na’vi’s that are returning to eywa, cleaning up debris from the mountain and surrounding area and stockpiling any material/tools that may be useful in the future, healing injured ikrans and pa’li, hunting for hours to gather enough food for the injured, and when you join jake to speak with the metkayina leader with the deepest eye bags and gaunt form he’s ever seen he’s had enough

lol as he’s inviting the metkayina to return when they omatikaya have settled back to normal ronal tsks at him, and gestures to you, you struggling to stop yourself from falling asleep standing and says, “you cannot even take care of your daughter. our visit can wait longer.”

jake who pulls you to his side on the walk back waiting for you to open up to him, and you finally break, “i can’t close my eyes without seeing him die.”

he slows you both to a stop, cups your cheeks and tilts your head upwards so you can read his lips, “babygirl hummingbird, maybe what you need is to remind yourself that you saved him. he’s been waiting for you to come see him. i’m confident that neteyam won’t mind if all you do is sleep next to him, he’d be comforted knowing that you are safe too.”

you end up falling asleep in your father’s arms, getting carried the rest of the way back, and waking up the next morning cuddled up with neteyam

he’s playing with your hair, gently massaging you scalp as he talks with neytiri, a smile on his face, as he watches her prepare breakfast, being scolded when he offers to help

you make a soft questionable hum, and his head automatically turns to look at you, his smile turning into a smirk as he teases, “i heard you couldn’t fall asleep without me?” (RIZZ level 99)

you shove him away from you, cheeks turning indigo and you snark out a “shut the fuck up”

lo’ak and kirk dramatically losing their minds over you cursing in english, and tuk really overselling it with a “she said a bad word! she said bad word!” while jake and neytiri laugh and half heartedly scold you for your choice of words

both of you stick to each other as you eat breakfast, elbows and knees knocking together constantly but you two refuse to even allow a millimeter of space come between you

after everyone’s stomach’s are full, energies high, suddenly everyone is finding an excuse to leave you and neteyam alone in the tent, jake grounding you to bed rest for a few more days to recover from sleep deprivation

lo’ak’s like: “i gotta go walk my ikran real quick” did i say i love him already

before neytiri leaves she gives you a rundown of how to clean and monitor neteyam’s wounds (even though you’re capable of figuring it out yourself, being mo’at’s best student after kiri), but you let her to soothe her maternal instinct

finally alone, neteyam signs to you, “i was asking for you the moment i could speak again, but you never came to see me. i was beginning to accept the idea that you…that you didn’t care for me.” your head snaps up to make direct eye contact with him, tears clouding the dismayed look in your eyes (matching his own broken expression), vehemently shaking your head and you speak, your volume nearly reaching a yell, “do not think for a second that i do not care for you. that i do not need you anymore. like you are not my reason to fight for our lives here.”

neteyam who is stunned to silence not only at the borderline confession within your words but also at the traumatized look in your eyes that you are unable to hide, and you switch to signing, “i was the reason you died if you think about it. it was my idea for us to stay here and fight when we should have just listened to your dad and left! maybe you wouldn’t have been near death! maybe all of us would have never been found! maybe we could just be normal children again!”

neteyam places his hand on your cheek, and you raise your own to hold his wrist as you nuzzle deeper into his grasp and you lightly brush your lips against his palm. your eyes flicker to his own again and he brushes the tears off your lashes and comforts you, “but none of that happened. we made our decision, and your idea to stay here has saved us, saved me. while the sky people have not been ousted completely, we have pushed them back, only because of you and your brilliance. i live to see you grow and flourish because you are a strong warrior, strategist, healer, and more. and most of all, i am thankful you have saved me so i can stand by your side, if you allow me to…?”

you smile, fangs you have yet to grow completely into making you look a lil adorable, and sign the english phrase “i love you,” and you follow it up with an audible, “oel ngati kameie.”

neteyam with hearts for eyes, physically swooning for you, parrots your words and signs, voice velvety, “oel ngati kameie.”

276 notes · View notes

giggly-squiggily · 1 year ago

Text

The Little Things (Bungo Stray Dogs)

Don't mind me, I'm just gonna-

*drops a near 6k word count fic on y'all all about Shin Soukoku cause I can while dancing to Super Mario 2 music sped up version*

Kay bye! *leaps out window*

...Nah but seriously. Heyo everyone! Awhile back I wrote this for a friend while we were yelling about these two (You know who you are- hi bestie! :D) I originally sent it to them via google doc, but given how easy the links to those fics are to lose (The amount I've lost...gone but not forgotten *cries*) I've decided to post it here!I hope you like it!

CW: Swearing, violence, guns, self-loathing, angst, wasted food (RIP Pork Buns), mentions of the Port Mafia Boss and Elise

Summary: In between assignments and tasks, Atsushi and Akutagawa find time to enjoy the little moments within their strange relationship.

~Chocolate~

“Is that cake?” Atsushi raised a brow at the small slice of chocolate cake Akutagawa pulled from his plastic bag. It looked homemade- maybe someone in the Port Mafia made it?

The idea of anyone there baking sweets was wild.

“No, it’s a bomb.” Akutagawa deadpanned, peeling at the plastic wrap around the plate. “Watch yourself- it just might blow up.”

Atsushi started. Did Aku just make a joke?

At the silence, Akutagawa offered the first forkful in silent inquiry.

“Oh, no thanks. I hate chocolate.” He smiled, fighting down a laugh at the brief look of shock on Akutagawa’s face. “Never been a fan. You however-I didn’t know you liked sweets.”

“Is that an issue?” His expression went hard.

“Not at all. It’s just…unexpected.” Atsushi held up his hands, smiling sheepishly. “Do you like all kinds of sweets or do you have a favorite?”

Akutagawa narrowed his eyes at him, suspicion rolling off his tensed frame like waves. For a moment. Atsushi wondered if he just blew their lunch date-meetup. Then he sighed, turning back to his cake.

“I like chocolate.” There was the barest hint of a blush on his cheeks. Akutagawa shoved a forkful of cake in his mouth with a slight grimace, refusing to look his way.

As if he couldn’t get any cuter.

…..Huh? Atsushi felt himself flush.

“Hm.” Was all the weretiger responded with, taking a long drag of his teacup, ignoring the raised brow Akutagawa sent him.

~~~

“Hey, Akutagawa! Here!” Atsushi shot his arms out before the other could stop him, pressing a small handkerchief wrapped box into his chest. It was hastily wrapped- as if he was tying it while running to their usual meetup spot. “This is for you!”

“....Huh?” The wide eyed shock on his face was priceless. Atsushi resisted the urge to laugh as he watched Akutagawa handle the box like one handled a baby- careful and slightly terrified. “This is…?”

“Open it!” Atsushi encouraged, resisting the urge to bounce on his feet in his anticipation. “I didn’t knot it that bad!”

“Okay, okay, settle down.” Akutagawa’s lips twitched as he gently pulled at the knot, going especially slow, much to Atsushi’s chagrin. When the ends of the cloth fell away, it revealed a little plastic box, within it a variety of chocolates.

“Oh?” Akutagawa stared, seeming to freeze. Atsushi felt himself sweat, tugging at his shirt hem.

“I know it’s not much of…well, anything- I just remembered a while back you mentioned you liked chocolate, and I had some lying around and figured you’d like it- of course if you don’t, I can always take it back-”

“You remembered.” It wasn’t a question. Atsushi blinked. Something soft was in Akutagawa’s expression, and his hands trembled some as he held the small box of treats. Atsushi felt his heart squeeze. “I didn’t think you would…”

“Of course I did! I remember everything you tell me.” Then he flushed, eyes wide. He said too much. “For the missions! And our tasks! Ehe…”

“Yes..having a good memory for those things is important.” That faint blush was back, and Akutagawa wouldn’t look at him- not directly, anyway. “Ehem…This is…” Then he paused, brows furrowing.

“Wait- where’d you get this?” Akutagawa finally met his gaze, raising an eyebrow. “I thought you hated chocolate?”

Seems like Atsushi wasn’t the only one remembering details about each other.

“I do…but like I said- I just happened to have it on me, hehe.” He grinned, deciding not to mention where his source was. He’d bring Ranpo a fresh box of chocolates on his way back from this meeting. With all the snacks he keeps on hand, he wasn’t likely to miss it before he got back.

Akutagawa raised a brow, not entirely believing him. Then he looked back at the box of chocolates, that content expression returning. “I can’t remember the last time someone gave me a gift…so thank you. It means more than you know.”

Atsushi swelled, feeling rather proud of himself. He would make this a habit he decided in that moment; all to see that soft expression.

Though he’d probably have to start buying his own chocolates.

~Rain~

“Ugh, no way…” Atsushi groaned miserably as the sky began to cry. Raindrops dropped in a slow mist at first, but within minutes it began to pour, flooding the alleyways they snuck through. He could already feel his shoes fill with water, making his toes curl unpleasantly.

“Hm, how troublesome indeed.” Akutagawa mused, brows furrowing as he came to join Atsushi beneath the thin railings of the alley. His shoulders felt damp already, and a chill shot down his spine from the icy droplets. “Walking back in this will be rather annoying.”

As of late, it seemed like he and Atsushi couldn’t shake each other. Whether it be on impromptu missions Dazai set them up on, or just little moments like running errands and returning home- somehow in this big city, the demon and the weretiger were never far from each other.

A part of Akutagawa couldn’t deny he liked it that way. That however was a part he’d rather strangle until blue with Rashomon before ever admitting.

“Man, I should have brought an umbrella! I figured it’d rain while we were inside the warehouse and stop after, but I guess the universe has it out for me…” Atsushi shoved his hands through his bangs, groaning in his hands. “This is revenge for Ranpo’s snacks, isn’t it, world?” He mumbled.

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a little water, weretiger?” Akutagawa shrugged, Rashomon shooting out of his back and forming a shelf above him, shielding him from the continuous onslaught of rainwater. “Though I suppose it’s expected, given what you are.”

“Shut up! I’m not a cat- I just happen to turn into one!” Atsushi glared, rubbing his arms with a slight tremor when the rain began soaking his shirt. In an act of defiance, he took a step out into the elements.

And immediately regretted it.

“Oh my god, that’s COLD!” Atsushi flew into Akutagawa’s shelter of Rashomon, clinging to his coat and shivering. Then he glared, cheeks pink. “Not a word.”

Akutagawa didn’t think he could speak even if he wanted to. This close, beneath the immediate smell of rainwater and warehouse dust, the weretiger smelled like tiger lilies. He could see the strange ombre in Atsushi’s eyes, the way they went from a rosy pink to a warm gold- like a sunrise. The way his lashes framed those odd but pretty irises of his.

So unfairly pretty. Akutagawa forgot how to breathe.

“Hey? Is something wrong…” Atsushi began, only to flush a brilliant red and jump back into the rain. “Oh god- I’m so sorry, how invasive of me- Ah, this rain! I uh…”

Maybe it was how pitiful he looked, soaked and embarrassed. Maybe it was the way he looked at him just now, with those damn sunrise eyes.

Maybe that part of Akutagawa’s heart wasn’t so small after all.

Slowly, as if it were a machine coming back to life after many years, Rashomon extended outward, creating an umbrella-like cover beside its owner. The space was…tight, but it would give Atsushi room to walk with him. “Come on, before you catch your death.”

The weretiger blinked, eyes wide. Akutagawa could feel his face heating; he pretended it was from irritation while waiting for the other to make a decision. “Hurry up before I leave you here.”

“Oh! Right- thank you.” Atsushi ran over, standing within the cover. This close, he could smell tiger lilies again. Did he wear perfume? Would it be weird to ask?

Would it be weird to just reach out and hold his hand-

“Don’t mention it. Just- come on.” Akutagawa made his voice as curt as he could, hoping it hid the fluster he felt himself slipping into. In silence the pair walked back, Akutagawa’s hands shoved in his pockets while Atsushi continued rubbing his arms, trying to warm up.

When he peeked, the weretiger looked equally flushed.

Must be getting sick, he told himself.

Yeah. That’s it.

~Blackout~

When he got back to the agency; Atsushi decided, he was going to murder Dazai.

Just a simple task, he said. Scout out the scene for us to make sure it’s safe, he told him. There shouldn’t be any trouble, he insisted.

Of course, Dazai forgot to mention the literal Mafia meetup being held in such a place.

Atsushi knew he should leave- turn back before any of the Port caught a glimpse of him hovering near a dirty window. It was fairly high up- the main reason why Atsushi was sent on this particular request was due to his cat-climbing skills- so the chances of being caught were slim.

He should go, had he not caught sight of a familiar face. Stoic as always, black fringe fading into white that framed his pinched face, hands shoved in his pockets. Akutagawa.

He was standing by with a short redhead- Chuuya, he assumed. Dazai had mentioned a redhead in the Port who he’d encountered a few times before. He looked especially irritated, whomever they were meeting up with apparently was late.

Finally, after around half an hour, two grungy looking guys came through the large metal doors, their footsteps echoing across the filthy floor. Between them a smaller man led, his body bent forward and his hair a halo of thinning grays around his wrinkled face.

“I take it your boss sent you with what I wanted?” He asked, and Atsushi felt himself straighten. Despite appearances, the man’s voice boomed and carried, demanding respect with each word. Within the room, even Akutagawa and Chuuya straightened, the latter glowering upon realizing it.

“Yeah. You got what we want?” He demanded, waiting. There was a tense silence before the old man gestured for one of what Atsushi assumed to be his guards. The man opened his jacket, revealing a tightly wrapped parscal.

“Toss it over, we’ll do the same.” Chuuya commanded, straightening to his full height. The old man chuckled, clearly amused.

“Kids these days- never learn to respect their elders. Fine then.” He nodded, and the parscal went flying. Rashomon was out in seconds, catching it with ease. Bringing it to his eyes, Akutagawa peered within, face grimacing.

“This is it. Boss’ order.” He didn’t sound too thrilled about it though.

“Good grief. Alright, here.” Chuuya kicked the box by his feet towards the men, his gravity control making it sail easily across the floor. It landed with a loud thump by the guard’s feet. “I’ll take it this should cover it?”

The guard peered within the box, nodding after confirming the contents. Atsushi couldn’t help but wonder what was in it. Money? Jewels? And what was in the parscal?

No time. He really had to go. He watched Chuuya and Akutagawa turn to leave.

Just as the remaining guard pulled out a gun.

“TURN AROUND!” He heard himself scream. Shit! The old man’s eyes flickered to the window-

And suddenly there was a boom of red. Rashomon exploded out of Akutagawa’s back, sending the guards flying. Interesting enough, the old man remained unfazed. In fact, he hadn’t moved at all. Rashomon bounced around him like water hitting a rock.

“His ability- it’s a shield!” Chuuya yelled, already jumping into action. He crossed the room in seconds, taking the two guards on. Despite the size difference and being outnumbered, Chuuya was easily the better fighter. He dropped low, kicking the goon with the gun in his hand in the ankles. As he fell back, he grabbed his fallen gun, pointing it at the other one. He pulled the trigger-

But the bullet bounced! Seems this old man’s ability expanded beyond just himself. The guard smirked cruelly as he charged, tackling a surprised Chuuya dead on and sending him flying.

Akutagawa started, Rashomon shooting out to catch Chuuya before he could hit the wall. Too late. The old man was upon him. He moved so fast, an elbow flying to Akutagawa’s windpipe as he brought a knee to his gut. Rashomon quivered as Akutagawa wheezed, gasping for air.

Chuuya shot out of the rubble with a roar, flying at the guards. His gravity power saved his life, but just barely- Atsushi could see he was wounded- crimson against orange hair, bruises forming on the side of his face.

Akutagawa stumbled, the old man hooting softly as he watched the boy drop. “Such a shame- the Port Mafia really has let themselves grow weak if this is the best they can offer.”

Hot rage shot through Atsushi's veins. Just who did this old creatin think he was? He got up, ready to jump into the fray- and stopped.

Why was he getting involved? This wasn’t a mission assigned to him by Dazai or the boss back at the agency. He wasn’t even supposed to be here. Right now would be the ample time to leave; to use the chaos within to slip away before anyone else saw him.

Saw him.

Saw…

Atsushi’s eyes dropped down to the breaker box just outside the warehouse, an idea already forming in mind.

Within the warehouse, it was chaos. Chuuya had disposed of one of the guards, his body crumpled in the background as he fought the one still guarding. From the looks of things, the shield only protected from the front. Right now- the redhead was trying to get around and go for the back, but the guard stayed on him like glue.

Akutagawa and the old man were fighting once more- this time however, Akutagawa was prepared. Rashomon bounced again and again off a shield, keeping him at bay. He couldn’t land a hit, but neither could the old man. It seemed he needed his arms held up in a specific way to keep it on, leaving them in a stalemate.

Just one moment. A second was all Akutagawa needed. He looked up-

Their eyes met. Atsushi mouthed only one word. Blackout.

Then he tore out the breaker box with his claw.

The warehouse went pitch black, blending in with the night sky. Atsushi rolled down the wall as gunshots exploded from within, the faint sounds of two men crying out before everything went eerily silent. For a short, heartstopping moment, Atsushi was scared one of them was Aku.

Then the doors opened, Chuuya and Akutagawa stumbling out, bruised and wounded, the parscal in hand.

“Next time that creepy bastard wants us to pick up dolly dresses, he better get them through Amazon.” Chuuya growled, limping as he dragged himself down the quiet streets. Akutagawa seemed to be half listening, nodding along as he rolled his shoulder. His throat was bruised, and he was covered in small cuts, but he was alive.

Atsushi felt himself breathe again.

“Are you even listening? Ugh, forget it.” Chuuya waved him off, walking ahead as he carried on complaining about their boss. Akutagawa paused then, turning his head.

And directly looked at Atsushi.

The weretiger didn’t call out. He didn’t say a word. He merely looked back at him, watching. Akutagawa blinked once. Then twice.

Then the rarest thing happened. He smiled.

It was small, nearly unnoticeable and a bit pained, as if it hurt to move his face. Judging by the bruise blossoming on his cheek, it must have been.

Still- that smile. It erased it all. The injuries, his messy hair, the torn clothes- all of it faded away as Akutagawa smiled at him. It was like he was a god, so painfully beautiful it was near impossible to look directly at him, and yet Atsushi did. He didn’t care if his face was on fire, or if he was gaping like a fish. All he wanted to do was get lost in that beautiful smile.

And then Akutagawa looked away, and reality came back. He was gone in minutes, fading away in shadow, leaving Atsushi sitting there, still thinking about that smile.

~Piano~

Akutagawa hated instruments.

More specifically, he hated the piano.

The boss was so insistent he’d learn to play it. Think of how useful of a talent it’d be if you ever found yourself needing to blend in. Blend in where, the orchestra? Good luck with that. They all knew the real reason why Mori wanted him to learn to play.

Because Dazai used to play.

Not the piano- but the Violin. Akutagawa remembered watching him play a few times- the way he’d stand tall, the instrument like an extension of his body as he ran his bow over the strings. His songs were always so sad sounding; they never failed to make someone cry- usually Chuuya, even if he’d never admit it. When Dazai left, Mori burned the instrument, and music was snuffed out, much like those who betrayed them.

Apparently he was now back in his music phase and decided Akutagawa would be the next musician. Had it not been for Gin and her soft encouragement for him to learn- “Ma and Pa would have liked it, I think” she told him- he’d probably set the grand instrument ablaze himself. Just what would he play on it, anyway? Songs of sorrow and anger? Christmas tunes? Suppose he could play a quick death march before a bullet lodged into his brain or a knife to his jugular.

Wasteful. The worst part? He was a natural talent. The lessons flew by and before long he knew all the cords and how to work them into songs. Gin liked them- she would lay across the top like those women in the movies, face in her hands and feet kicking while he practiced. Sometimes she’d sing- her voice soft and delicate. It was those moments that he liked best.

And then Mori asked him to play for him and Elise when they’d marry. He stopped playing it after that.

Now he found himself lingering by a different piano- dusty but well loved, sitting in the corner of what he assumed to be a church. It was abandoned now- the room stale with lack of movement. His fingers glided over the top, making streaks against the smooth black surface.

Like magic, he felt himself back at the music room with Gin, playing a song and her singing-

“Nothing of interest here- hey, is that a piano?” Atsushi’s voice shook him free from his memory. The weretiger joined him, his shoulder bumping gently into Akutagawa’s as he took a seat. “I love the piano! I wonder if it’s in tune?”

Things have been…interesting, these past few encounters with the weretiger. Since the warehouse incident, they’ve been less stiff, more relaxed. Atsushi didn’t jump away if he got too close, and he smiled more easily at him. Their once harsh word exchanges melted into soft bickering, and more than once Akutagawa felt himself fighting down laughter whenever they talked. Not mean, condescending one but genuine mirth at the little things he’d say and do.

What the hell was happening to him?

“I know like- one chord. There was this woman at the orphanage; she was the only nice adult there. She tried to teach me to play, but I never quite picked it up.” Atsushi made a big show of cracking his knuckles, wiggling his fingers. “Okay, let’s tickle these ivories!”

More like make them scream, Akutagawa soon learned. He winced as Atsushi slammed his fingers down into the keys, hitting random clumps and creating what he could only describe as “mindless noise”. He sang along with it, the words lost in the sound as he swayed with his chaos.

“Oh, there once was a cat named Piccolo! He was the fattest cat anyone ever known! He rolled and he cried, and he’d spit in your eye, so the village chief ordered him to-”

“Weretiger!” Rashomon shot out, grasping Atsushi’s wrists and preventing him from hitting more keys. The church rang with the noise. “What happened to knowing only one chord?” He growled through gritted teeth.

“Oh, right! It was…um…” Atsushi looked at the keyboard. “You know- I can’t remember. But it was one of them I just played, I’m sure!”

“That wasn’t playing- that was slapping.” Akutagawa pulled Rashomon back, shaking his head. “I don’t think I heard a single chord in any of that.”

“Oo, you can hear chords, can you? Alright, Yiruma- it's your turn.” Atsushi stood, offering the piano. “Let’s see what you can do!”

Akutagawa stared, first at the piano, then at Atsushi. A mix of nostalgia and disgust filled him when he thought of playing again; Mori ruined any enjoyment he had with it.

And yet…Atsushi was giving him those eyes. The ones that presented a challenge. And Akutagawa had a hard time turning down challenges.

He also had a hard time turning down Atsushi.

What-

He sat down in the warm seat before those intrusive thoughts came back. Stretching his fingers, he let them rest on the cool ivory, wondering where he should begin. “Any requests?” He asked, be it a tad sarcastically.

“Whatever you wanna play.” Atsushi smiled, leaning against the side of the piano. Akutagawa hated how attractive he looked like that- FOCUS AKU! “I’m all ears.”

At first, he simply pressed keys- not the way Atsushi did it- this was far gentler, and actual cords. The weretiger’s smug grin melted into a look of surprise, making the other smirk. “Show off.” Atsushi grumbled. Akutagawa fought down a chuckle.

Then he was moving his fingers against the keys more intentionally, a song coming to mind. He didn’t know all the words- he only heard a chunk of it once when he was walking with Gin through the city. He did know the chords though.

Soft music played throughout the church, Akutagawa’s fingers playing out the beats in a steady rhythm, getting lost in the sound. He felt himself right back with Gin again, her smile encouraging and kind- the few beckons of light in the awful world of the Port Mafia.

Then he was singing. He probably sounded terrible; but he kept hearing Gin encouraging him to, so he gave in.

“If you had it all, would it be enough?

Can you find the way and still be lost?

I write songs about being someone else

That say fuck the world, you’re not angry enough.”

Beside him, he heard Atsushi suck in a breath. Be it from surprise or relation to the song, he didn’t know. Akutagawa kept going.

“Yeah everybody tells me it’s alright.

Everybody tells me I’ll be fine

Everything is not o-fucking-kay,

Oh but they can’t tell me why.

I put the picture on the shelf

Leave the memory behind

But the truth is I can’t say goodbye.”

Was he getting too real? Maybe. Atsushi was quiet beside him, not interrupting, just listening. He took that as a sign to keep going.

“So I made friends with all my demons

Let ‘em sink their teeth in

Got used to the feeling of letting it go

So give me something to believe in

Or throw me in the deep end

It all feels the same with your eyes close

So you can throw me in the, Deep end

Deep end

Deep end, Deep end”

And..that’s all he knew. The rest of the song was lost to him. He dared a peek up at the weretiger, waiting to see him fighting off laughter or wincing at Akutagawa’s singing.

Instead, he was leaning into the piano, eyes misty and something incredibly soft in his expression. There was no disgust, no second hand embarrassment, none of that. Only the look of a man who found something he was fond of, the smallest of smiles on his lips that took Akutagawa’s breath away.

Surely he must be thinking of someone else. There was no way he was looking at him like that.

The idea that Atsushi was thinking of another made his chest ache, a strange hollowness within tearing at his insides. In a haste, he slapped his hands onto the keys, startling the other out of his reverie. “I don’t know the rest- really, I hate the piano; we shouldn’t have done this. We have to go before the cops show up-”

“Aku.” Atsushi’s voice made him pause, halfway out of the seat. He was focused again, the expression he was wearing tucked away and replaced by his usual smile. “That was amazing. Truly.”

His chest ached again.

“It was just a thing I learned at the mafia. That’s all.” His voice sounded foreign to his ears, cold and distant. In the corner of his eye, he saw Atsushi wince. “Just forget about it.”

“Aku-”

But he was already out the door; the cool air of the city blowing on his warm face as he stumbled out. He walked at first, but then he was running. And then he was bolting. He needed to get away- to go somewhere else. He found himself flying down alleyway after alleyway, stumbling over his own two feet before crashing hard on his knees, coughing in his hand.

When he pulled it back, it was wet. However, it wasn’t blood that made it so. When did his vision get so blurry? He blinked, shaking when he realized it was tears.

He was foolish. A complete idiot! How could he let himself fall for the Weretiger? A Detective Agency member- the Mafia’s enemy. They’d never work out; and soon- he’d leave him. Just like how Dazai did all those years ago.

It would never work. Nothing ever did in the Port Mafia. They were sewer rats- destined to live and die among the filth they waddled in. And Atsushi…he didn’t deserve someone like that. He deserved someone who could stand in the sunrise with him, who could see how it matched perfectly with his eyes. Someone who could listen to his songs and jokes and antics and laugh freely alongside him. Someone who could make him happy.

And that wasn’t Akutagawa.

Curling up, he wrapped Rashomon tightly around himself. In past experiences, he found his ability rather sound proof. It was only then did he finally let himself sob.

~Kiss~

Atsushi sighed as he leaned back into a park bench, head still reeling. It had been a few days since the church incident, and there was no Akutagawa in sight. He could be busy, but Atsushi was sure he was avoiding him. It hurt- the sudden shut down from the other. Atsushi recounted the event in his mind hundreds of times, trying to figure out what exactly he did that made him flee.

He truly meant it when he said Akutagawa’s playing was amazing. Really- he was referring to his everything; the way he played, the words he sung, the way they broke something within his chest as he found each lyric incredibly relatable. That last moment, when the song ended and Akutagawa turned to look at him- there was so much…vulnerability in his gaze. Was he waiting for Atsushi to say something then?

Oh dear- perhaps he failed him afterall.

Pulling the bag of pork buns closer to his hip, he stood, deciding to head back to his apartment. It was probably dumb, waiting here for him. They hadn’t agreed on a meetup spot; Atsushi had hoped if he remained at the same location for the past three days, he’d pop up. So far, it proved fruitless. He made his way to the entrance.

And found himself staring at Akutagawa.

Silence so thick it could be cut with a knife, the two stared at one another; frozen. The rest of the world seemed to go silent, the people walking by shut off like a mute button. Akutagawa seemed stunned, and Atsushi doubted he looked any better.

For a brief, terrifying moment, he was scared Akutagawa would bolt. He remained standing. Then-

“Weretiger I-”

“I bought Pork Buns-”

They had spoken at the same time. Akutagawa blinked, startled. Atsushi felt himself return to reality.

“I uh…I bought Pork Buns. At the local convenience store? I remembered you liked them and..” He waved the bag in the direction of his apartment. “It’s probably not a good time, and if not you can just take them but…do you want to come over and eat? I bought too many…”

Akutagawa stared, the look making Atsushi squirm. Then he spoke once more. “I’m not busy…sure.” Relief flooded Atsushi’s chest.

“Great! Come along then.”

~~~

The walk back was terribly awkward. Neither spoke, but it was tense this time around, words heavier than steel stuck in their throats as they finally arrived at Atsushi’s place. Fumbling for the key, the weretiger pushed open the door, flicking on the light. “Pardon the mess, I didn’t get to clean up this morning.”

Removing his shoes, Akutagawa looked around. If he noticed the messy futon and leftover ramen cup, he didn’t say. Instead, he nodded. “Thank you for having me over.”

“Yeah, yeah- sure.” Atsushi smiled, hating how polite everything felt. He wanted so badly for Akutagawa to point out something- to make a comment on his tiger plushie that the other gave him in return for the chocolates- to tease him about knocking things over on the counter. He wanted anything else but this super quiet, super polite version of Akutagawa. “Erm, let me go put these down-”

“Weretiger. I must apologize.”

Atsushi froze, scared to turn around. Oh no, was he leaving already?

“The other day- I left without a word to you. That was incredibly rude of me, and I’m sorry.” Akutagawa sounded…choked. Like there was something else there he wasn’t mentioning. Atsushi figured he’d let it be.

But then, would anything actually change if he did?

“You ran pretty far after you left. I didn’t see where you went, you just kinda- disappeared.” Atsushi turned, facing him. “I never got to finish what I was saying.”

“I didn’t want to hear it.”

Ouch. Okay. Atsushi tried to hide the hurt with a smile. “Fair enough.”

“Wait- no. Fuck, this is hard.” Akutagawa ran a hand over his face, clearly frustrated. “That’s not what I meant. Sorry. I mean- I was…” He struggled with the words, waving his hands. “Weretiger, I don’t think I can keep doing this.”

Another dagger. Atsushi felt his heart drop into his stomach. “Doing what?”

“The whole- whatever this is. It’s killing me.”

A third. Atsushi felt his eyes sting. “Just say it, Akutagawa.” He sounded harsh in his own ears. Good.It’ll make him leave faster. “Say it and be done, already.”

Akutagawa flinched as if struck. Then he straightened, eyes intense.

“I’m in love with you, Weretiger.”

The buns hit the floor.

“I’m in love with you- I’ve been in love with you since- I don’t know how long now. Everytime I close my eyes, I see you. I hear you laughing in my dreams; I see you smiling at me when the pain’s at its worst and it’s killing me because I’m not good enough for you. I’m not the kind of person you deserve- a sewer rat who’ll only stain you with my filth-”

“Shut up.” Atsushi sounded strange. Akutagawa stared.

“Shut the hell up, you son of a-” Atsushi stormed across the room, grabbing the front of his coat.

And then he was kissing him. His lips crashed into Akutagawa's like a man craving water. At first, Akutagawa was frozen in shock. Then he was kissing him back, clutching the other tightly, pulling him in against his chest like he couldn’t get enough. He tasted like chocolate. For once, Atsushi found himself liking it.

When they pulled away, flushed and breathless, Atsushi reached up, gently pulling at the fringe framing the other’s face.

“Now you listen to me, Aku.” He tugged, earning a mild wince from the other. “First of all- you don’t get to decide who deserves me. I decide who deserves me. Second of all-” He released his hair, poking a finger into his chest. “I don’t want to ever hear you describe yourself as a sewer rat ever again. If I get stained, I get stained. Despite the white fur, I’m not some pristine tiger figurine.” He moved the hand poking his chest up to cup Akutagawa’s cheek, running a thumb against the smooth skin. “Finally- I never got to say what I wanted to say the other day. So you better listen.

“I think you’re amazing. The way you carry yourself; how you’re still so you even after everything you’ve been through in the Port Mafia. How you have these cute little quirks about yourself and how you’ve got so many hidden talents. I think you’re amazing, and I’m in love with you too. I’ve been in love with you for a long time now.” He smiled at the wide eyed stare he got, watching the hope in Akutagawa’s eyes meld into soft happiness.

Then he pinched his cheek, pulling slightly.

“But if you ever just up and run off on me again, I’ll kick your ass. I’m a weretiger- we like to eat little sewer rats who drive us nuts.”

“Sorry.” Akutagawa said through a deformed mouth. Atsushi released his cheek, leaning up to kiss it. “I thought you'd be in love with someone else.”

“Who else is there? Ranpo?” Atsushi raised an eyebrow. Then he looked thoughtful. “It would make getting you chocolate easier…”

Akutagawa couldn’t stop it. The laugh he fought down so hard bubbled over, then another. Before long, he was leaning into Atsushi, laughing for the first time in what felt like forever. The weretiger stood stunned, then he was giggling. Next thing he knew, he was laughing just as much, clinging to the other and squeezing tightly.

“Ohhohoho my god. I fuhuhucking love you, Weretiger.” Akutagawa wheezed out, wiping away a combination of happy and mirthful tears.

Atsushi looked just as teary, his cheeks warm and smiling like sunshine. “I love you too, Aku.”

Thanks for reading!

130 notes · View notes