#the perfect score [meme responses];

[jordanrosenburg]

Argylle - A Breath of Fresh Air

**Spoilers Ahead**

I just got back from seeing Argylle with a friend. I knew I had wanted to see it because I like a lot of the actors in it, but I had seen the trailer so many times that I felt like I had already watched it.

That trailer couldn't have prepared me for the unadulterated fun I was about to have. Every other line out of Sam Rockwell's mouth was laugh out loud funny. What kept me drawn in, though, was the editing. The splices between Rockwell and Cavill was seamless. I know with modern technology, they easily could have greenscreened a lot of it, but it still must have taken a while to film all the same fight scenes in the same exact way to make the cuts as seamless as they were.

The score and soundtrack were brilliant. Between the funky tunes used for the fight scenes, and the dramatic notes used during what would be dramatic in a regular spy thriller, had me enjoying every minute. I will be looking up the soundtrack playlist on Spotify and listening repeatedly.

Henry Cavill is no stranger to playing a spy. In between Superman movies, Cavill starred in The Man from U.N.C.L.E. The latter was another movie that didn't mind being silly and wasn't afraid to have its comedic moments. Because Cavill has played so many daring roles over the years, where he's been the hero or the brute or even just the eye candy, he was the perfect fit for Argylle. You can tell he was having a blast, and not taking things too seriously. The audience isn't supposed to take it seriously either. The Argylle books in the movie are a personification of how cheesy those sorts of books and movies can be. The eye-rolling puns, the use of a femme fatale, and crude jokes.

Back in the day, that's how most James Bond movies were. They had their serious moments, but Bond was a cheeky spy who liked to fuck and crack wise with his villains. He was suave and sure of himself and a badass. But there was a transition in the 90's when the Austin Powers movies started rolling out. Now, I'm a huge fan of Austin Powers movies, I'll watch them any time, any place. But those movies, being replicas of the old Bond films but with more humor, outlandish sex, and over the top puns, made it difficult for the new Bond films to be silly. Suddenly, they were getting more and more serious, with more and more over the top action scenes and explosions.

Argylle brought back the silliness and the goofiness, and the ability to laugh at itself. Suspension of disbelief, etc etc. Sometimes you just need to sit back and let yourself enjoy the ride. Throughout the film, as the layers kept being peeled back, I kept thinking, "What is this movie?!" I can usually figure out what's going to happen, but the twists and turns in this film kept throwing me off, and that kept me in my seat and having fun.

There's a scene where Bryce Dallas Howard's character, Elly, thinks she's seen her parents die in cold blood. Rockwell is driving her somewhere in the south of France, and he asks her if she's okay. Howard, astonished, asks, "Am I okay? Am I okay?!", and then she started crying. This made me lean over to my friend and say, "all of us @ Elmo the other day", and we burst into hysterics. (If you're unfamiliar, Elmo's X account posted asking how everyone was, and there was a surge of responses of people using memes to show how not well they all are.)

A little more than halfway through, we find out that Elly's real name is Rachel Kyle. She had gotten into a bad accident on a spy mission and had no memory. The bad guys brainwashed her into thinking she was someone else, and it worked. The Argylle books she wrote as Elly, were really just memories coming back to her. We were made to believe her books were predicting future events, but really, it was the past. Samuel L. Jackson explained that to her. Rockwell then had to calm Howard down and get her to settle into the information. Slowly, Rachel remembers who she is. She hasn't lost all of Elly, but she makes it seem like she has in order to complete the overall mission.

Rockwell thinks that Howard has double crossed her, but in a very Knives Out fashion, she explains that she knew if she shot him in the chest in just the right spot, he wouldn't die. We learn that the two were lovers back in the day. Not only did he feel betrayed, but he was heartbroken. Later on, she double crosses the bad guys, finds her cat, then finds a room with all the weapons she could possibly need to get out. Rockwell finds her there, and they're able to hash things out. She assures him that they're on the same side.

This leads into one of the most incredibly choreographed fight scenes I've ever seen. You can tell the actors were having an incredible time. Smoke pours into the corridor and the two come out shooting. While throwing in body rolls and other dance movements, they take everyone out. This also included Howard lifting Rockwell up, much like how Dua Lipa was lifted up during the beginning of the movie by Henry Cavill, spread eagle. The shots used every time there was a lift like this was not subtle. We get it, it's an innuendo for sitting on someone's face. And it was funny every single time.

Then the next fight scene happened, which gave Howard a moment to shine. They were trapped in a room that was slowly filling with oil, so they couldn't shoot their guns. She remembers she's actually good at ice skating, and puts together makeshift skates. She sticks a knife into a gun, then rushes out like a hockey player. I thought I was going to pass out from laughing so hard. It was the perfect mix of hockey style skating and figure skating. Were these scenes filled with CGI and body doubles? Yes. Did it make them less fun? Absolutely not.

Everything works out in the end because of course it does. Her ending is given to Argylle and Wyatt. Personally, I think Henry Cavill and John Cena should have kissed, they were clearly in love. I thought they would have since Rockwell and Howard kissed. All of the scenes paralleled one another, so why couldn't that one? I digress.

For one last big laugh, at the end of the movie, Howard is back to pretending to be Elly the author, and is doing a book reading of the final Argylle book. She's taking questions from the audience, and she calls on a man. He stands and knowingly smiles. It's Henry Cavill, only he has a curly mullet and a southern accent. What is it with British actors and doing southern accents that brings me so much joy? He says, "I don't have any questions, but I'm sure you have a couple for me", and winks.

There was a post-credits scene. It was supposed to be the actual Argylle book's first film adaptation. The scene takes place in a bar called The King's Man. An Easter egg thrown in by director, Matthew Vaughn, who has also directed the 2021 film by the same name. We couldn't tell if it was serious or not, but I'd love to see a movie based off the fake books. I think mostly because the writer, Jason Fuchs, and Matthew Vaughn, should definitely team up again.

Even though there were parts reminiscent to other spy movies, this is one of the most creative movies I've seen in a while. This is my favorite kind of satire. There are so many movies that are just remakes of remakes of remakes these days. It feels like there are no original ideas left. So, this was a breath of fresh air. It was so funny and so brilliant with a star studded cast. I bet this movie was so fun to work on, you could just feel that energy radiating from the actors. There were some slower parts, but that's to be expected. For the most part, my attention was kept. It was one of those movies where I left thinking, "I can't wait for this to come to streaming so I can watch it again".

I don't think Howard is the strongest actor, and some of the plot between the good spies and the bad spies was a little confusing. I found a lot of that hard to follow, maybe that was supposed to be on purpose. Most spy movies aren't always clear on what the main issue is.

Anyways, if you're looking for an escape from the cold, or an escape in general, this is definitely the movie to see.

[not-playable-character]

Finally finished FFXVI

As stated finally finished and i have many thoughts, and not all are good or (probably) popular.

Before I post spoilers, I'll just put my general score for the game; Its an 8/10 BUT I didnt particularly "like" the game (meaning my first response to "did you like the game" was no, but its not really a no but not a yes)

So now into spoilers and my semi indepth review!

Ok so first things first I'll say, yeah I didn't really like the game, and dont get me wrong there was no skipping cutscenes and ignoring things, I did every sidequest and most of the hunts.

Now onto the things I like;

The characters: I loved pretty much all of them (especially Gav, he holds my heart) and there were some i didnt love (Jill, girl i wanted to love you so bad but you were so mid imo) but none that I hated (except Annabella, but i loved to hate her)

The Setting: Valstheia is an amazing world for this setting and the art direction was perfection, it felt full and lived in like an actual country.

The music: This is a given, its Final Fantasy, the music is gonna be banger as per usual.

The active time lore: oh my god this thing saved me so many times in this game and it was just fun to get the little details and watch them fill in.

The story: I was invested in the story...for the most part, It was a bit over complicated for me personally and there are some changes I would have liked and i felt like it was way too front-loaded.

Things I didnt like;

The length: THIS GAME WAS WAY TOO LONG AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. It did not need to be a 30+hr main story, and because of that it got very boring at points, especially just after the 5 yr jump and the titan fight, then from that to the Waloed. There was just so much filler and many of those Main quests could have been side quests (since there werent too many of those)

The story (cont.): So While i kinda liked the story, I feel like it could have improved on the themes of Breaking Bonds and Unity by having the Rivals join Clive and become party members instead of absorbing their power. This would have also furthered the Breaking of Fate theme since Clive wont be following his destiny as Ifrit and the ending fight against ultima could have been more impactful with all the Dominants overcoming the odds and defeating him (even if they die at the end, essentially sacrificing themselves like Clive did in the real ending) This also removes the played out Chosen One plot line for Clive (which they do kinda subvert because Clive is great in general) itd also give the other Dominants more of a central role (THAT THEY DESERVED)

THe Edginess ™: Let me set this straight first, I do not mind the edge, I enjoy a more mature story (and this series needed a shift to more mature) BUT it was way too front loaded. Up till the 5 year jump it was like game of thrones edgy, then it just felt like a generic early final fantasy story with more cursing. They also mentioned slaves so much it got to the point where I was like that good place meme with the time knife but replace time knife with slaves. Also it felt a bit strange with that they would want to be edgy, we see Benedikta almost get SAed but we cant see her severed head??? (the fact that we dont see her head led me to believe she was alive for so long, aldo why was it glowing??)

Final thoughts:

This game was a great game and had the potential to be a masterpiece to me, but I think it just slightly missed the mark with the story. This could also just be me, I have weird FF standards and the game did and didnt feel like a FF game and I think it would have benefited not being part of the series (though the sales would have been worse) I would Highly recommend it to people who enjoy ARPGs but I think Id hesitate to FF fans.

[agentnico]

Babylon (2022) Review

Internet can rejoice - we have finally been given the full scale Hollywood treatment for the famous ‘Bully Maguire’ meme. What a time to be alive!

Plot: A tale of outsized ambition and outrageous excess, it traces the rise and fall of multiple characters during an era of unbridled decadence and depravity in early Hollywood.

So far I have enjoyed everything that director Damien Chazelle had to offer. Whiplash was thrilling and suspenseful; La La Land was my favourite film of that year; and First Man managed to make a Neil Armstrong movie stand out from generic biopic tropes. So of course I was going to see his new Babylon movie, even though I was well aware of the mixed critical and audience responses to it. Having now seen it, I must say its a shame that film will go down as “that 2022 box office flop that starred Brad Pitt and Margot Robbie”. For though its far from perfect, Babylon is a very entertaining movie and one that offers a lot to analyse for those who love cinema. But let’s elaborate...

From the opening scene you can tell that this movie is going to be a raunchy chaotic cascade of Hollywood elites’ debauchery. For better or worse, in the first 5 minutes you get to enjoy an elephant defecate right onto the camera in unnecessary detail, and then 5 minutes later there’s a woman urinating on an oversized naked man who may or may not be Brendan Fraser from The Whale. Yes, it’s that kind of movie, no strings attached so to speak. There’s plenty of grotesque imagery involved, and it’s basically The Wolf of Wall Street set in Hollywood, only with less cussing yet just as much sex. It’s a very energetic movie, that never really takes a moment to breathe and instead just keeps slapping the audience in the face with chaos upon chaos upon chaos for over 3 hours. And yes, this movie is 3 hours long and you feel it. However within all this madness there is an underlining message of the ever-growing nature of cinema, celebrating its longevity and influence through the many changes that it faces. Its the idea that even though, according to Chazelle, Hollywood is the modern day Babylon aka the city of sin, through all the partying and vulgar behaviour all these people together are part of something bigger than all of them, something important. Brad Pitt’s character passionately argues about the movies being “fine art”, and that message comes across strongly in this movie. And yes, through all the mess this is actually a very good looking movie. The set pieces and costume design are all on another level. There’s so much colour and glamour in every scene, and also the score, we need to talk about the music!

Chazelle is no stranger to music, and manages to again include a lot of jazz and trumpets throughout Babylon. He once again has Justin Hurwitz doing the music, and the score plays a major part in supporting the many ongoing themes of the film. There are the tender romantic notes of ‘Manny and Nellie’s Theme’ to the maddening trumping trumpets of Voodoo Mama during the hectic partying set pieces, and then the blending of Hurwitz score with the orchestral classic of Mussorgsky’s “Night on Bald Mountain” during the movie’s look at 1920′s roaring film sets, symbolising, again, the mayhem and disarray of it all. And then there’s Li Jun Li singing songs about the female genitalia, cause, you, city of sin and all that. My point is though the music really amplified the atmosphere and honestly I’ll happily listen to the score outside of the film also, it’s that good.

The performances are all great of course too. Margot Robbie plays the American Dream-obsessed self absorbed starlet well, and Robbie throws herself into all the bedlam that Chazelle gives her, and Brad Pitt....well, I mean its Brad Pitt. You know what you get from the guy. Always solid and reliable and damn cool. Diego Calva is the only character that you can somewhat sympathise with and want to follow, as he’s the only one apparently in this version of Hollywood that isn’t a total prick. Calva does well being the eyes of the audience. We also have a load of other character fly by. From the many wives of Brad Pitt’s character played by the likes of Olivia Wilde and Katherine Waterston, to Jean Smart’s Hollywood writer/critic/gossip columnist who mockingly observes from afar the rise and fall of these people, to the aforementioned Tobey Maguire playing a giggling creepy mob boss, who is very over the top and has really ugly teeth, but again, for internet fans of ‘Bully Maguire’ this one’s a real treat. That being said, Maguire’s role is slightly more than a cameo, and also his part felt like it was part of a completely different movie. His section is very good and entertaining to watch, but again brings me to my main issue with the film...

Where Babylon falls short is in its ambition. It tries to tell so many stories all at once, as such making its central theme of chaos be also a detriment to the movie as a whole. It feels all over the place and as an audience member it becomes difficult to get attached to any specific narrative thread. Also through all the orgies, drug use, dancing and partying, I must say some of the raunchiness was definitely unnecessary and done for the sake of. Like say the elephant pooping or when Robbie’s character projectile vomits all over another person. Those parts didn’t add to anything and felt like Chazelle was seeing how much he could get away with. Also, I appreciate all the love for cinema, but at times this movie felt really pretentious and full of itself. The 1952 Singin’ in the Rain film plays a major ongoing part in this movie, and at the end Calva’s character is sitting in a movie theatre watching that film. Chazelle then proceeds to give us a montage of how cinema progresses through the years right up to modern day, and that felt overly indulgent. Like we get the message - cinema is art. No need to knock us over the head with it. 

Babylon is an overstuffed and exhausting movie that at 3 hours is way too long. However its full of entertaining moments and great performances, and you’ll never find yourself bored. If you like The Wolf of Wall Street at 1920s Hollywood, then this one is for you. If you like seeing animals taking massive dumps, well then brother you’re about to watch the best movie of your entire life!

Overall score: 7/10

[postnoktmeza-fela-amorado]

Chem Lab Technician Graduate (yeah, I never got the title) Reviews Furry Porn Game

Dr. Doe's Chemistry Quiz is a furry porn game created by Alfa995 which can be played in Newgrounds. It gained some meme traction solely based on the fact that it is a furry porn game, that's all, its sexual content is actually quite tame and vanilla.

As the title suggests, in the game the titular Dr. Doe (who's a female deer obviously) takes you through a 10-question quiz on basic chemistry (almost trivia-like) questions. Its sexual element comes from the game mechanic consisting that each time you get a question right, the doctor will take off a piece of clothing. If you succesfully answer all ten questions right, she shall stand naked in front of the chalkboard, exclaiming that she's proud of you and will finally introduce the "special prize" the doctor first mentions at the start of the gaming experience, with a "Tell me, ever fucked a deer before~?"

The chemistry aspect of such game interested me as a great enthusiast of such subject, I could go in deep here of my history with it but I have done that already many times in many spots.

Is it a brag to say the quiz is easy for me? I mean, it's not supossed to be complicated, this is not the final test for a lab class, they are motherhecking questions in a porn game, but I know some of this stuff isn't like common knowledge, so.

I will of course admit that I don't always get a perfect score on my first try everytime. A question that I always struggle with is the one about the composition of aqua regia. To be fair we never worked with it at the lab. There was a lab practice that included it but we never actually did it with such because apparently of how potentionally dangerous it can be, aqua regia is a mixture of nitric and hydrochloric acid, toxic corrosive cocktail, dear my.

Also the question regarding the atomic models. I know very well in my heart Thompson and his British Christmas pudding, but sorry Rutherford and Bohr, I can't remember which one is one with you two.

The quiz ofc is silly at times, with Hank Hill being mentioned in the question about the propane formula, the one about the formula for nitric oxide which is literally NO, and the question with the answer of Half-Life 3 release being the correct pick for which one is the longest half-life.

Then there was a question about which of the following elements is not real. All the options were elements named after countries, the answer was Mexicanium. The doctor after such exclaims how she is not ok with such, and tells us proudly how she will discover an element in the future to name it as such.

The character along with her creator are Mexicans, such as myself. And it was then when I was reminded of little me. Little Ari also dreamt of there being an element in the future named after our nation, I dreamt of discovering elements and naming them after Mexico, and me, my family members, and the great people of science; and them having weird and unrealistic properties. I think I still have the little drawings I did of such. I sure was set into a memory lane right there.

Everytime that in media I see incorrect lab practices, I always point such out. I mean, I even have a tag in my main blog for unfastened lab coats. But I mean, let's remind ourselves of what we're talking about here, a porn game, it's a porn game; are we really gonna talk about "realism" in such an environment? Also, Alfa965 already has a video of such (it's in YouTube), of pointing out the doctor's not very safe lab practices.

I would say that fucking at a lab's only appeal for me would be the fact that it's not allowed and one could see us, but personally I don't think I even that kind of person. It's not a very comfy place, I myself can't position myself comfortable when I try to take a nap there (I am a very responsible student), those metal tables are hard as hell. But maybe this game doesn't even take place in a lab, we see no hard indication of it and it well could be a regular classroom where the theorical part of chemistry gets taught.

About the sex scene itself in the game, it's a simple one. It's not like one can ask for much but I would suggest to add a second sex scene with perhaps a new pose as the reward for the hard version of the game (which gives you only ten seconds to answer the original harder questions).

Once you beat the game, a new option in the menu will be available for you to access to the sex scene without having to do that test again. But if you do it again like I always do, the doctor will comment on how such is not necessary anymore and even wonders if the player actually likes to do the quiz. She might be right.

What even is the conclusion here? Uhhhhh.

I'm not horny for chemistry, very dissapointing conclusion.

I wish I could go back in time to pick another career actually.

[noisycowboyglitter]

"Laugh Out Loud: 'Born to Game, Forced to Work' Funny Memes to Get You Through the Day"

The phrase "Born to Game, Forced to Work" perfectly captures the bittersweet reality many gamers face. It reflects the passion and joy found in gaming, where players can escape into immersive worlds, embark on epic quests, and connect with friends. However, it also acknowledges the responsibilities of adulthood, such as jobs and daily obligations that can distract from their gaming adventures.

Buy now:19.95$

This saying resonates deeply within the gaming community, becoming a humorous mantra for those who feel torn between their love for gaming and the demands of work or school. It highlights the struggle to find balance, reminding gamers that while they may be "forced to work," their true passion lies in the gaming universe.

Products featuring this phrase, such as t-shirts, mugs, and posters, serve as a fun reminder of this shared experience. They not only make for great gifts but also spark conversations among fellow gamers who understand the sentiment.

Ultimately, "Born to Game, Forced to Work" celebrates the joy of gaming while embracing the realities of life. It’s a lighthearted acknowledgment that resonates with players everywhere, inspiring them to cherish their gaming moments amidst life’s demands.

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Finding the ideal board gamer gifts can enhance any game night and delight enthusiasts of all ages. Consider unique board games that challenge strategic thinking or offer cooperative gameplay, perfect for bringing friends and family together. Classic games like Catan or Ticket to Ride remain popular, while newer titles can introduce fresh excitement.

Accessories also make great gifts; think custom dice, game organizers, or stylish playmats that elevate the gaming experience. Personalized items, such as engraved game pieces or custom score trackers, add a thoughtful touch.

For those who enjoy tabletop role-playing games, consider gift sets that include rulebooks, dice, and character sheets. Subscription boxes filled with gaming surprises are another fantastic option, offering new games and accessories throughout the year.

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Whether for birthdays, holidays, or just because, board gamer gifts celebrate their love for gaming and create memorable experiences around the table. Thoughtful gifts can enhance gameplay and foster connections among friends and family, making every game night special.

Finding the perfect gamer gifts can make any gaming enthusiast feel appreciated and excited. Whether it’s for a birthday, holiday, or just to show you care, there are plenty of options to choose from. Consider high-quality gaming accessories like headsets, ergonomic chairs, or customizable controllers that enhance gameplay.

Collectibles such as themed apparel, action figures, or posters featuring favorite games add a personal touch. Gift cards to digital game stores allow gamers to select their next adventure, while subscriptions to gaming services provide ongoing fun.

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For tabletop gamers, unique board games or expansion packs can offer new challenges. Thoughtful gamer gifts not only celebrate their passion but also create lasting memories, making every gaming session even more enjoyable!

[scoopflash]

Test your innocence with the Rice Purity Test! Take the quiz now

The Rice Purity Test is a self-administered survey designed to gauge an individual’s innocence or purity in various life experiences. It’s a fun and often eye-opening way to reflect on one's personal history and the choices they've made.

Origin of the Rice Purity Test

This test originated at Rice University in Houston, Texas, in the 1920s. Initially, it served as a way for freshmen to bond and share their life experiences, helping them integrate into college life.

Purpose of the Rice Purity Test

While it started as a college tradition, the test now serves various purposes. It's a social tool to spark conversations, a personal reflection exercise, and even a means to challenge oneself or friends in a lighthearted manner.

How the Rice Purity Test Works

Taking the Rice Purity Test is straightforward. It consists of 100 questions about different life experiences, ranging from mild to wild.

Structure of the Test

The questions cover a wide array of topics, including relationships, substance use, and personal conduct. Each question requires a simple “yes” or “no” answer.

Scoring System

Your score is calculated based on the number of “yes” answers you provide. A higher score indicates higher purity, meaning fewer life experiences checked off the list. Conversely, a lower score means you've had more varied experiences.

Popularity and Cultural Impact

The Rice Purity Test has grown beyond its origins, becoming a staple in many college settings and internet communities.

College Life and the Rice Purity Test

For many college students, taking the test is a rite of passage. It’s a way to compare experiences and foster camaraderie among peers.

Internet Memes and Trends

The test has also found a place in internet culture, often popping up in memes and social media trends. Its humorous and sometimes shocking nature makes it perfect for sharing online.

Common Questions About the Rice Purity Test

Is the Test Accurate?

Accuracy isn’t really the point of the Rice Purity Test. It’s more about self-reflection and having fun. It’s not a scientifically validated tool but rather a casual questionnaire.

Who Should Take the Test?

Anyone can take the Rice Purity Test! It’s popular among teens and young adults, but there's no age limit. It’s all about curiosity and self-exploration.

Taking the Rice Purity Test

Ready to take the test? Here’s how you can get started.

Where to Find the Test

You can easily find the Rice Purity Test online. Many websites host the questionnaire for free.

Tips for Answering Questions

When answering, it’s best to be honest. The test is for you, after all. Here are some tips:

Honesty is Key

Be truthful in your responses. Remember, no one else needs to see your results unless you choose to share them.

Reflecting on Your Answers

Take a moment to think about each question. Reflecting can make the experience more meaningful and insightful.

Interpreting Your Score

Once you’ve completed the test, you’ll get a score that falls between 0 and 100.

What Your Score Means

A high score (close to 100) suggests you’ve had fewer life experiences, while a low score indicates a more adventurous or experienced past.

Dealing with Low or High Scores

Don’t stress about your score. Whether it’s high or low, it’s simply a reflection of your unique journey. Everyone’s path is different.

The Psychological Aspect

Beyond the numbers, the Rice Purity Test can spark some deep introspection.

Self-Reflection and Growth

Taking the test can prompt you to think about your life choices and how they’ve shaped you. It’s a chance for self-reflection and growth.

Peer Pressure and Social Norms

It’s also a good reminder of the impact of peer pressure and social norms. Your score might reflect how these factors have influenced your decisions.

Conclusion

The Rice Purity Test is more than just a fun quiz. It’s a tool for self-exploration, a conversation starter, and a piece of internet culture. Whether you score high or low, remember it’s all about your personal journey and the experiences that make you who you are.

FAQs

Can my Rice Purity Test score change over time?

Absolutely! As you gain more life experiences, your score can change. It’s interesting to retake the test after a few years and see how your answers differ.

Is the Rice Purity Test only for college students?

No, anyone can take the test. While it started in college settings, it's now popular with people of all ages.

Are the questions on the Rice Purity Test invasive?

Some questions can be quite personal, but remember, it's all voluntary. You don’t have to answer anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Is there a perfect score on the Rice Purity Test?

There’s no perfect score. It’s all about personal experiences, and there’s no right or wrong answer.

Can I take the Rice Purity Test more than once?

Yes, you can take it as many times as you like. It can be fun to see how your answers change over time.

[dirtylimerick]

first time flirting starters || x || accepting

“ is this seat taken? ” (probably not flirting so much as. just a first interaction) - @wasscared​

          “Ah. No, have at it, man.”

          Connor would have to excuse the sweeping look Sean gave him, or the way his spine subconsciously straightened the moment he noticed he was a cop. It wasn’t his clothes so much as the way he carried himself; different in some subtle way that recognising it almost became sixth sense for most criminals serious and petty alike. And though Sean hadn’t stolen so much as a stick of gum in two years, he suddenly had the paranoiac urge to change seats before Connor could find a reason to frisk him.

          Frisk for what? The keys in your pocket? Some lint? Chill out.

          Sean watched from the corner of his eye as Connor sat down. Then, perhaps only to remind himself that he had nothing to hide: 

          “Where’re you headed?”

[dirtylimericka]

🔥 🔥 🔥 👀

for every 🔥, i’ll tell something distinctive about the way my character has sex. || x || accepting

- Sean isn’t the most vocal, but he does like to talk to his partner during. It’s usually praise, or sweet nothings (sometimes in Gaeilge, if he knows his partner likes that), and on very rare occasions dirty talk. If his partner doesn’t feel like the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on, he’s sure to change that by the time they’re finished.

- He values eye-contact, or at least the opportunity to watch his partner’s face. Sex isn’t “the most important” thing to him in a relationship, but he wants sex to be as intimate emotionally as it is physically, and being able to see his partner’s face, to speak to them directly, or watch their facial expressions is something that he greatly prefers. 

- Foreplay is more important to him than intercourse itself. He spends a lot of time trying to make his partner feel good and body worship is extremely common. Sean loves to go slow, lavishing his partner with admiration and pointing out the things he finds beautiful about them. Tracing around bone, gently massaging muscle, running his fingertips over the little dips and soft swells of his lover’s body... Sometimes it can feel like teasing (which he’s not above doing!), but he really does just love making them feel cherished.

[ichigomis]

— 3:48 PM

a small sequel to this. requested!

the usual hustle and bustle of tired students pass by suna as he stares onto the doors of the building, waiting for the only person he'd ever wait for. his hand starts to burn from the cold cup of boba he's holding, but he pays it no mind and only continues to wait.

and finally, with an excited smirk and a slight jump on his feet, he sees you.

you whose bag is lazily slung on your shoulder, you whose eyes are tired with the lack of sleep, and you who stayed up until the early morning just studying and studying.

he waves the cup of boba in the air to catch your attention and you wave back, padding over to him listlessly. a smile tugs on his lips as he remembers how you stayed up all night on god knows how many cups of coffee.

you reach your hands out for him and he obliges, bringing you into a tight embrace.

“how was it?” he asks as you bury your head onto his chest, breathing out a heavy sigh.

“i don’t know,” you mumble not wanting to think about the exam you had just taken. “i don’t think i studied enough,”

he hums in response and pulls away. and as a pout of confusion forms on your features, he sticks a straw on the cup of boba and brings it to your lips.

“you say that but you were up all night studying,” he argues as you happily take the cup from him and sip on the straw like a giddy little kid. he brushes your hair away from your face, whispering about how messy you look, his tone laced with love.

a satisfied sigh escapes your lips, the sugar slowly bringing you back to life. now, you think, all that's missing is a good few hours of uninterrupted slumber and everything would be perfect.

“i just wanna melt into a puddle and sleep for years,” you say, taking your boyfriend's hand in yours. a whole night of sleep and rest with him sounds just about magical.

the air goes silent for a moment, but you barely notice as you sip from your little cup of joy, “that won’t do,” he stops walking and shakes his head in faux disapproval, leaving you with a raised eyebrow, “i can’t date a sleeping puddle.”

you scoff just before boba pearl gets lodged on your throat as you process his attempt at a joke, “you’ll just have to make do.” you (try to) say as he pats your back, aiding you through your little coughs.

a laugh forms on his features as he suddenly thinks about how you looked just like the coughing cat meme he saw the other day. and despite you almost choking to death, cheeks red and all, he just couldn't help but find you cute.

“then i’ll become a puddle with you,” he coos, giddily watching your reactions.

you furrow your eyebrows and crinkle your nose, “that's disgusting, sorry i don’t date guys like that.”

and with another satisfied smile he only gives to you and your silly antics he hovers his hand over to your cup, “then give me the boba back,” he demands, tone laced with pretend hurt. your face contorts into a scowl as you pull your hand away from him, holding up the cup up above your head as if he couldn't easily reach it.

and as predicted, he takes the cup from you with ease and bends his head down to meet yours, “i don't date people who choke on boba.”

you gasp, hands exaggeratedly on your face and all, and he laughs. and as the two of you head back to your dorm hand in hand, you forget about all worries, studies, and exam scores. for at that moment, it was only the two of you, and him making sure you don't choke on your drink again.

notes: this took so long im so sorry but nonnie i wish you (and all of you!!) good luck with your studies! just the thought of med school gives me a huge headache 🤧

rbs are appreciated! *manifesting you a sunarin who buys you boba* » m. list

[copias-thrall]

How would Mary goore react to hurting someone he genuinely cares about? I absolutely Love your writing!💕

Hello, nonny! Thank you, I love this ask!

This was going to be  alist, but it got away from me! 😅 

Enjoy 😘 

It wasn’t anything big.

Just a few of Mary’s favorite beers (the craft kind—not the shitty beer he drank on his shoestring budget), some of that chronic shit you’d scored and have been saving for a special occasion, and a VHS box set of horror movie classics.

***

Mary comes in and out of your life at will, and that was something you accepted—knowing he was As Is or not at all. And honestly—no, really—you liked that. You had your own shit going on, and being Mary’s expected caregiver was NOT something you wanted to add to that list.

(If someone else wanted to try to tame him and pick up after him, well…kudos to them. Less work for you.)

Mary showed up on your pivotal days and he rubbed your feet and always invited you out to trivia. You'd held him when he was coming down from a bad trip and listened to his grievances and gave him a place to stay when he was persona non grata at his own. And in a way, that made you always feel like #1 in Mary’s world…and that was good enough for you.

***

A few months ago, Mary had been lying on your couch, picking the label off his beer bottle.

“I’m gonna be away for a bit,” he’d said.

“Oh?” you’d responded as you’d mashed the controls on your gaming controller.

“Yeah. I mean, I’ll be around…but I got some shit going on.”

You’d paused your game.

“Bad shit?”

He’d waved you off.

“Neg. Just tryna get myself out there. Signed up for open mics and shit.”

He’d shifted, his long legs receding from around you and folding under him.

“So, like…I got my job at the bowling alley…but nights and weekends are kinda shot.”

You’d tried not to let the disappointment show on your face. You supported Mary’s dreams, and that meant not making an issue that he was finally trying to do something about them.

This wasn’t against you. It was for him.

When you’d taken too long to respond, his face had scrunched.

“But if you want—”

“It’s fine, Mare,” you’d said as you’d made yourself smile. “This is important to you, so it’s important to me.”

You’d unpaused your game.

“Just don’t expect me to not beat this game without you.”

He’d grabbed the controller out of your hands with a snarl, causing you to cry out when you died.

“Fuck the game.” His hand had fisted your shirt. “Give me a night to remember.”

You had. Twice.

***

Mary had texted you occasionally over the next few weeks—a few memes, a few drunken key-smashes, a dick pic, and 2 grainy videos of his performances for critique—but such contact was sporadic, and you’d never seen him in real-time. 

He’d blown in one night, five weeks in, with a box of pizza just as you'd been heading out to meet your crew. When you’d told him you’d made plans, he’d looked so crestfallen that you’d caved and canceled on them.

While he’d been there, he’d given you a date in 3 weeks.

“That Saturday I have nowhere to be,” he’d said as he’d chewed. “I can spend the whole day with you.”

You’d been careful not to seem too eager.

“Oh yeah? Should I plan shit?”

He’d crammed the whole crust into his mouth and had given you a doughy grin.

“Why ’’ya think I told you?”

You didn’t know what you’d expected, but when he’d had to bounce 90min later, you were still surprised. (That was hardly enough time to digest!)

“Sorry,” he’d winced. “I gotta be on a bus in 45min.”

He’d left, and you’d been too embarrassed to join your friends who were only just going to the second bar.

Having fun with your man ;) ? one of your friends had texted.

What do you think? You’d texted back before changing into your pjs and turning on Netflix.

***

So maybe you were low-key excited about your day with Mary.

Perhaps you’d spent those 3 weeks figuring out the perfect date—something that said, “I missed you,” without saying “But in a clingy way.”

Beer and horror were two things the both of you were totally into, and you knew he’d be exhausted, so it seemed perfect. You’d bought the boxed set off of eBay and splurged for expedited shipping; you’d borrowed your brother’s old dual TV/VCR from his college days; and you’d forgone your weekly Chinese takeout for the craft beer funds. (And if things got steamy, well…even better.) 

***

A few days before The Date, you’d run into Mary on the bus. You were coming home from a shift, and he was going to his.

He’d brightened and waved you over—as if you weren’t already on your way—and you’d plopped down beside him with a tired grin. You’d told him of the latest entitled asshole, and he’d showed you another clip of him on guitar.

Before your stop had come up, you’d tentatively placed your hand over his.

“We still on for Saturday?”

He’d blinked at you a few moments before grinning.

“Yeah.”

“Should I plan a whole day for us, then?”

His arm had crept around your shoulders before pulling you into him to kiss your temple.

“Yeah, why not.”

***

That morning, you wake up happy. 

Mary will be over soon.

You roll over and grab your phone.

When should I expect you? :-* 

It takes him an hour to respond. You aren’t surprised—Mary isn’t known for being a morning person—so when your phone dings, you grab it up excitedly.

An excitement that dies when you read his text. And reread. And re-reread.

not 2day 

goin upste 2 show 

You blink.

What show? Didn’t we confirm? 

yeah. got me thinkin 

why no show? 

so i chked 

i missed one 

gotta do it 

Rage blooms hot, then cold behind your eyes and down your cheeks.

But you said we had the whole day. I made plans. 

save em 

ths is impt 2 me 

We’ve had this planned for weeks. 

i thot u suprted me 

on a bus cnt tlk 

You send a few more irate texts, but he doesn’t respond, and you toss your phone across the room with a shout of frustration. You scrub the hot tears from your eyes before they can fall.

And…on paper, Mary isn’t wrong. Nothing you had planned won’t keep: movies, beer, takeout.

But…

It gives you a stark look at what you mean to Mary. He gave you this date and confirmed it. He knew you were making plans.

How long was he going to wait to tell you he wasn’t even in the city anymore?

You fight the urge to kick the VHS tapes across the floor, but you open the fridge and grab a beer. If Queen Elizabeth could have beer for breakfast, then it was good enough for you.

Once you’ve downed all eight, you move on to the jug of vodka you keep for cleaning.

When you empty only liquid from your stomach into the toilet, you grab your frozen fries out of the freezer. You roll a handful of the cold ones in your mouth as you wait for the others to crisp in the oven, and once you’ve consumed the cooked ones, you go right back to the vodka.

***

Opening your eyes the next morning is a mistake, so you take a few deep breaths and go back to sleep.

When you wake again, your heart is fluttering, your stomach turns, and it feels like there’s an ice pick behind one eye. Shuffling slowly, you make your way out to your kitchen where you take some painkillers, drink some pickle juice, and eat two slices of plain bread.

The sense that you did something awful stays with you, but you’re in no condition to find your phone and see what you’ve done. Instead, you go back to bed. It takes more deep breathing to settle yourself, but once you do fall asleep, you’re out for hours.

You don’t feel amazing when you swim to consciousness again, but you feel at least like a human being. 

Your phone is dead when you find it under the sink, and waiting the 5 or so minutes for it to charge feels like waiting to face the executioner.

It’s both better and worse than you expected.

You breathe a sigh of relief to see that there are no vague social media posts, and you didn’t drunk dial any of your friends, but…

The texts to and from Mary are ugly.

Apparently, you’d managed not to send him angry texts until he’d sent you another clip of his performing. But then the floodgates had opened.

You’d started with telling him you didn’t give a shit about the show, how he was an inconsiderate ass, and then you'd devolved into incomprehensible, typo-ridden texts that accused him of using you, that you were only something to do when he didn’t have anything better to do, that he was an entitled man-child and if he didn’t apologize, you were done.

Mary’s texts in response range from him being angry at your disregard, to heated retorts you were blowing this out of proportion (and he didn’t appreciate your “ad hominem” attacks), to a cool detachment that this wasn’t working over text and he’d finish this in person.

You put your head in your hands but are too dehydrated to cry.

***

Mary doesn’t text you again during his self-imposed time frame.

You don’t text him either, but that’s more out of self-preservation than pride. There’s no point exacerbating the situation…and you’re pretty sure there’s no coming back from this, so why speed up the inevitable?

The horror tapes taunt you every time you walk by them, and you wonder if you can return them (you can’t). You give the TV back to your brother, and when he asks you how it went, you plaster a smile on your face and say, “Great!” with forced enthusiasm you hope comes across as genuine.

The primo weed goes over to your friend’s house, and the two of you wax poetic all night about existential claptrap as you devour two cheese pizzas and a bag of bbq chips. You talk about Mary without talking about Mary, and you get a heartfelt, “Sorry, dude.”

You beat the video game anyway, but it’s mostly because you needed something to occupy your mind and less out of spite (though that’s there as well).

***

Despite waiting on tenterhooks to hear anything from Mary, you truly don’t really expect to. You know you’d been atrocious, even if it had been prompted by his careless disregard, and you know Mary isn’t really the kind of guy that troubles himself with relationships that are hard.

Not that you’re in a relationship.

So when there’s a knock on your door a week later and Mary’s behind it, you’re genuinely surprised.

You gape through the peephole in shock.

“Fuck. If you’re there, just let me in, ok?”

Fumbling with the chain, you unlock the door and crack it open.

“Mary?”

“You gonna let me in?” he rasps.

You shrug and step away from the door, and he shuffles inside. He looks around like you’ve changed anything (you haven’t), before turning around to face you.

You close the door and stare back.

He folds his arms. “Breaking up with someone over text is tacky.”

What you think is, So you’ve come to do it in person, but what you say is, “Can’t break up if you’re not together.”

He winces and runs his fingers through his hair. 

“Yeah…apparently I’ve ‘taken advantage' of you.”

This…isn’t what you’re expecting.

“I…what?”

“Can we sit down?”

You nod, and Mary sits rigidly on the edge of your couch. You curl up in the chair on the opposite side.

He rubs his palms down his greasy jeans before he speaks.

“I mean…you pissed me off, ok?”

You nod.

“But, like—you weren’t wrong, ok? I kinda knew that deep down, but I’m a dumbass, you know?”

You don’t nod.

“And I kinda bitched about the whole thing…but the resounding response was that I was the asshole.”

He angles his body toward you.

“I guess I’ve kinda been treating you like my best friend that I fuck sometimes.”

Your entire face flushes—you’d always thought you’d maybe ranked a little higher than that—and you duck your head so he can’t see the tears that you blink back.

There’s a swish of fabric, and you startle hard when Mary’s hand is at your chin. He jerks back with a Sorry.

“Shit—that’s not what I…” he blows out a breath and puts his hands behind his head before looking back up at you.

“But you aren’t, and…fuck this is harder than I thought.”

So this is it.

Waiting for him to do the deed is clearly going to be excruciating, so you take charge of this whole shit-show.

“I understand,” you say flatly.

“You do?”

“It’s ok, Mare-Mary. It’s my own fault for reading too much into it. I just…I saw what I wanted to see, I guess. I know you don’t need…” you look down into your lap, “…my shit in your life.

He makes a noise low in his throat, and then he’s squatting in front of you, his hot hands planting on your knees.

“But I want your shit in my life.”

You squint your eyes at him.

“But what I said…”

He grasps your hands in his.

“Pissed me off, yeah…cuz I wasn’t fucking thinking, ok? You’re like one of the only people who gives a crap about what’s important to me. And all I could see was you suddenly…not.”

Anger wells up in you again, and you yank away your hands.

“Weeks, Mary…weeks of you all over the tri-state area, and you thought I didn’t care because of one night?! A night you promised to me?”

He sits back on his heels. “I know…fuck. Ok? At the time, it just felt…like the show couldn’t be rescheduled. Our night could.”

Because you’re what he does when he’s bored.

You curl in on yourself.

“Shit.” He leans forward again. “Fuck, I’m sorry, ok? I’m fucking on my knees here.”

You blink at him. 

What? 

“Please, please don’t break—say we’re done.”

“What?”

“Look, we can go into my shitty fucking psychological profile on why I fuck around later…but right now I need you to know that I knew it was you before I fucking knew it was you.”

You uncurl.

“That…’what’ was me?”

He knees forward and presses your hands to his face.

“The one I wanna spend my free time with. The one whose opinion means the most. The one who was the first person I wanted to share all my good shit with. You’re the one I missed, and—after that awful fucking night—everything felt pointless because I knew I couldn’t come over and jam about it.”

“Mare—what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m a fucking dumbass. I’m saying I thought I was pissed at you, but I was pissed at myself for fucking it up.” He sighs. “I’m saying no fucking one was on my side and they all told me to get my shit together.”

He looks up at you with wide eyes, and for the first time, you can see how they’re outlined in red, his subtle crow’s feet more pronounced.

“So, you’re not done with me? I’m not…too much trouble?”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “What? Shit, no. I’m asking you to not be done with me. I’ll give you all the nights you want. Fucking text me, and my ass’ll be here posthaste.” He shifts up, and his thumb ghosts over your lips. “Anything to get you to give me that secret smile again.”

“Secret smile?” you ask while trying to perform the action.

Mary actually blushes.

“Uh…yeah. You get this…” he makes a motion across his face, “…when you’re giving it back to me.” His fingers shove back through his hair as he casts his eyes down. “You don’t give it to anyone else.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I’ve made a study of it.”

You’re a swirl of emotions. Mary’s apologized—has admitted he was wrong and has asked for…more—but you’re still hurt. And embarrassed.

But he’s looking up at you with wet, hopeful eyes.

“Do you…” you start carefully, “…do you know why I got so mad?”

That statement was clearly not what he was expecting, and he blinks at you a few times before nodding and looking down at the floor.

“I made a…uh, commitment…to you. And I treated it like it didn’t mean anything.”

He gives you a look like, Did I get it right? and that’s close enough—even if he’s missing some of the nuance.

You nod. “And I know I…wasn’t…the best.”

His face contorts, and your heart sinks.

“You…” he shakes his head. “You said some awful things…some hurtful shit—and it really got in my head.”

Mary gives you a complicated look.

“Shit that you’d been pissed about for a while.” He traces your knee. “Shit you could’ve said to me…but shit I should have noticed. Fuck.” He presses his forehead into your knees, and you can’t stop yourself from sinking your fingers into his hair.

He takes it as encouragement and presses into you before looking up again.

“I just kinda wanna put that whole night behind us. It feels like a fucking ouroboros of fault. And like maybe I created it. But let’s agree to like…not do that again.”

You look down at him, and his eyes search your face.

“Ok…but what does all this mean, Mare? I can’t…I need to be something to you, ok? More than just your friend.”

Mary nods emphatically, and he takes your hand and curls his into it.

“No more fuck-ups, and no one else…can we start there?”

He’s saying all the right words, but you’re still trepidatious—you know Mary, and he doesn’t like constraints.

“I…just…how can I believe you?”

He shakes his head like he can’t believe you even have to ask. He rises and awkwardly reaches out to touch your face before drawing his hand back.

“Cuz you’re important to me. I care about you, and I don’t want to lose you. Ever.”

And yeah. Ok.

[kagsluvr]

hq boys as things my exes/past flings did lol

a/n: lol these were all pretty toxic relationships/flings but i’m romanticizing the good and sweet things i remember them doing but inserting the hq boys instead to make me feel better lmaooooo. also these were barely proofread bc im lazy soz , hope u enjoy <3

part two here

- bokuto kotarou will buy your favorite candies every time he goes to the supermarket or convenience store. it just happens so naturally, always making sure to grab a pack of whatever you love right before checking out. he has his “creative” ways of gifting them to you too, despite it being such a simple gesture. he stuffed it in the pocket of his hoodie that you had asked to borrow for the day. you later found out that he left your fav candy in the pocket, along with a note “hehe love you, have a great day <3”

- oikawa tooru will always have a pack of gum on him and will chew at least three sticks a day. you don’t mind it all as you look forward to inhaling his minty breath. but when he’s with you, about to pop in his second stick of the day, just after eating his lunch, he will bite one end of the stick and will make you bite the other end. pulling away from each other so that the piece of gum splits into two. he softly chuckles every time you two meet each other’s face closely, sharing the stick with you.

- akaashi keiji will never miss the opportunity to touch your hands. whether it’s a quick brush against your knuckles or a tight squeeze while watching a scary movie. he always seeks the comforting touch of your hands. even though your hands sometimes get clammy due to anxiety, or even if your hands are rough and dry from the cold weather, he would completely disregard that, only wanting to feel safe with your touch.

- tendou satori will constantly send you the most rare, cursed memes. at least five times a day. when you’re in class, when you’re at your after school club meetings, or when you’re fast asleep at 4 in the morning. even when you guys are right next to each other. he’ll be on fuckin reddit or discord and will find the funniest memes ever and send them straight to you. he never sends the same ones either. everyday, he has a fresh batch ready to send you throughout the day. you appreciate it tho, since you guys share the same crack humor lol, it's perfect.

- kuroo tetsuro always wants kisses. as many he can steal from you in a day. but his favorite way of meeting your soft lips is when you ask him for chapstick. you tend to almost always lose or forget your chapstick at home, while kuroo is responsible over his belongings, including his small tubes of mango or peppermint lip balm. you ask him for some but he clowns you for being so forgetful and instead applies a bunch on his lips then kisses you so the product smears all over yours.

- miya atsumu writes you little love letters every month. with his shitty but adorable handwriting, you struggle to make out some of the words. but you safely keep every single one, stashed in an old crafting box. reading them every now and then. his words are genuine and full of love. despite his grammar and spelling errors, you know he means well, and you appreciate it greatly. you especially love the joyous expression he has on his face as he hands them to you.

- hinata shoyo loves nothing more than seeing your beautiful face. anticipates receiving selfies of you randomly throughout the day. he could be feeling sad from not having scored any points from his practice match that day, but as soon as he opens his snaps sent to him of you, trying out the different snapchat filters, his mood instantly brightens up. he screenshots every single one of them too. the notification “shoyo screenshotted your snap x10” leaves you a blushing mess.

- kenma kozume allows you to play video games with him, which is notable considering he rarely lets anyone he knows irl to play with him. you were eager to spend more time with your boyfriend, urging him to teach you how to play. he instantly assumed you were a beginner to almost all the games he played, so he prepared himself for the amount of patience he was going to need. but to his surprise, you quickly got the hang of the things and were able to kill more enemies than he did. this eventually became a contest every night, seeing who could eliminate more opponents.

---

[join-the-joywrite]

and I don't want to (but I love you)

@jatp-week Day 6: favourite trope

Not me doing a self-indulgent and stupidly long enemies to lovers au :>

Julie Molina didn't have enemies in her life. She had competitors, sure. Everyone did. But Sunset Curve took the whole cake. She didn't have enemies but Luke Patterson came dangerously close.

Luke Patterson, on the other hand, fully considered Julie Molina his number one enemy. He had zero qualms about saying that to her face and behind her back. He knew his band was the best but Julie had a real knack for knocking his ego down a bit and he hated her for it. Maybe he wouldn't get so riled up if she was nice about it or if not nice, she was less nasty and more stern. Honestly, it seemed like she took pleasure in criticizing Sunset Curve.

The rivalry between them extended to their bands and friend circles. Well, for the most part, anyway. Julie and Luke let Willie and Alex get away with their little forbidden lovers thing because they both thought the pair was cute together. It was pretty much the only thing they agreed on. Ever.

Willie only ever talked about Alex, not the band and Alex made sure to steer clear of mentioning Julie whenever he talked about Willie. The arrangement worked for all sides.

Julie and Luke's rivalry extended far beyond their music. It crept into their classes and had them fighting for the top spot. The teachers were thrilled. It meant Luke put in as much effort as he possibly could into every assignment or test. Even if it was out of pure spite, it was working.

And then, oh dear, and then there was a group project. Obviously, they split to opposite ends of the room with their friends to choose pairs (except Willie and Alex, who were shoved together and assured it was perfect) but apparently, it was important to learn how to work with people you dislike because in the workplace you might be forced to work with people you dislike -- or something like that.

Julie and Luke had never let their rivalry coerce them into doing stupid things -- except the one time where Carrie was convinced Luke could hold his breath longer and Julie almost drowned in the school pool to prove Carrie wrong -- but the moment they were paired up, Julie and Luke both wanted nothing more than to break several school rules, vandalism being the top one and starting violent fights being the second. It was unclear if they wanted to fight each other or their teacher.

Matters were made worse when their friends got to pair off together on their own terms while they were stuck with each other. The only thing keeping them from completely refusing to do any work was that they both were still competing for the highest scores.

Their friends had never been more entertained and the two opposing groups bonded over watching the two most stubborn people they knew suffer out a school project together. The clear awkwardness between them was hilarious and it was a pleasant thing to see them sitting at the same table and not trying to verbally murder each other. Bobby turned out to be the funniest person in the whole group. He had a meme-y caption for every moment they caught of Julie and Luke sitting near enough to have a normal conversation and the others loved it. He also seemed to be able to relate all the memes to the pair and was strangely good at photoshop, which earned him the Groupchat King title. (Julie and Luke were completely unaware of this groupchat excluding only them -- which, for the others' safety, was for the best.) Flynn's favourite was a photo of Julie with a feral look on her face, miming strangling a smug Luke. Me & 2020 was Bobby's winning caption. She wasn't sure which was which and that made it even better, in her opinion.

As the weeks passed, Julie and Luke's rivalry mellowed. As far as they said, it was still going strong but their actions told another story. There were playful nudges in the hallway, now. Teasing death glares across a classroom. Locked gazes and stifled giggles at inside jokes -- the fact that they even had those was surprising enough. They willingly shared a lunch table for the sole purpose of interrupting a mini date between Willie and Alex but most of it was spent in their own world anyway. Their mockery of each other had become gentler and more harmless teasing than anything.

And then one Tuesday, Luke didn't show up at school.

Of course, Luke's band knew exactly what was up, but they -- with support from Julie's friends -- decided it would be fun to play dumb and send Julie to Luke's house, just to check up on him, you know, despite the fact that the group project was long over and she really had no need to meddle further into Luke's life. The mere fact that Julie forgot she still had class and was seriously ready to leave immediately said a lot.

"I can promise you that it's really not as bad as it looks," Luke said from under several pillows, a puffy duvet and maybe three stuffed animals, "but there's no band practice today and I'm not coming to school tomorrow either so can one of you flick Julie's forehead for me? It's tradition."

"Band practice, huh?" Julie said, dropping her bag on the floor with a soft thud. "And here I thought you just had nothing more interesting going on in your life than disrupting mine."

Luke sat up fast enough that his head spun, his vision swam and two pillows fell off the bed. "Who told you where I live?"

"You did, dork. Here, I brought your homework and my dad's trying something out in the kitchen. He misread balf the recipe so it's the blandest thing I've ever tasted but if you're sick, it'll be good for you."

Luke responded to the bit that made sense. "I don't want bland food," he said, scrunching up his nose as Julie set a small stack of papers on the desk in the corner and walked up to him with a covered bowl.

"As if you'd know the difference. Your mom said you can't taste anything anyway."

"You talked to my mom?" Luke asked, looking mortified.

"Yeah, duh. What, did you think I climbed through your bedroom window? I don't care that much for you."

"Aww, I knew you cared for me."

Julie didn't respond to it. "So this is supposed to be a vegetable stew," she said, tapping the plastic wrap over the bowl, "but like I said, mistakes were made."

"Well, what is it then?" Luke asked, leaning over to peer at the bowl.

"I'd call it . . . semi-flavoured water with surprise veggies."

"Joy."

"I know, right? Anyway, I'll leave you to your . . . pillow fort? Cute stuffies. I have the same penguin."

Luke glanced at the penguin that was still secured in his arm. "Don't you dare tell your friends. Especially not Flynn. She's ruthless."

"She is not. But fine, only because you're sick. I'll be back for my bowl tomorrow and it better be empty."

Luke watched Julie leave with a look of amazement. As soon as he heard his front door close, footsteps pattered through the hallway, leading up to his mother sticking her head in his room. "I like her."

"I'm going back to sleep," Luke said, diving back into the safety of all his pillows, wondering if it was the fever or Julie that set his cheeks blazing.

Probably the fever.

"Good afternoon, dork. Reggie says you said you liked the semi-flavoured water and my dad felt very appreciated by that so he's made some actual stew for you to try. It's beef stew this time so please don't get surprised. Did you do yesterday's homework? You should, because I brought today's. How do you feel?"

Luke, who had been staring at Julie with his mouth slightly open in a perfect picture of surprise, blinked when he realised she'd stopped speaking. "Don't you knock?!"

"Your mom said you were asleep and I could just leave everything here for you but you were awake so. . ." Julie trailed off, shrugging.

"You . . . you are so strange."

Julie shrugged as she set the homework down on the desk and walked up to the nightstand to put the covered bowl down in Luke's reach. "You need to come back to school. I feel bad bullying your friends."

"I'm sure they'll be glad to hear that," Luke said sarcastically. He paused for a second. "Yeah, I did the homework. Most of it. My mom said it'll help to get out of bed and do something. I tried to play the guitar but she was adamant I didn't do that something."

Julie nodded and walked back to Luke's desk. She rifled through the mess and picked up all the homework. "I'll finish this essay for you," she said almost absently, searching among the pages. "Please tell me you did your science homework. I got a lot of that wrong and no one wants to give me the answers because apparently, I should learn my work."

"Uh . . . yeah. Um, yeah, I did the science. Wh-- what do you mean 'do the essay' for me?"

Julie looked up as she gathered everything into a pile of messy and uneven papers. "It's on the African American civil rights movement. It's factual and ninety percent of the class will have the same essay anyway so--"

"No. No, I mean . . . why?"

"Oh. Uh . . . why not?"

Luke didn't have a response, so he fell silent.

"Well, that's all of yesterday's homework. Get some rest and then make sure you eat. I can't have my favourite punching bag get too weak to take a hit."

As Julie turned and left his room, Luke felt the sudden urge to scream, so instead, he slammed his burning face into his favourite penguin. Yes, she had called him a punching bag, but she'd also called him her favourite.

"Music class just isn't the same without booing you. Also, Alex said you managed to keep the beef stew down yesterday so my dad thought you could try something a little heavier. This is an experimental chicken and fried rice . . . thing. I do not reccomend eating unless you're sure you're okay enough for a full meal. That said, I brought more beef stew in case you're not up for the chicken and rice."

"You can't just walk in unannounced!" Luke cried as Julie set down the two bowls on the nightstand.

"I can, actually," Julie said, flashing a set of keys at Luke.

Luke's jaw dropped when he recognized the keychains. "Hey, those are mine!"

"Wow, so observant. Your mom gave it to me before I left yesterday because your dad is at work and she needed to go out today and with you holed up in here, there wouldn't be anyone to open for me."

Luke frowned. "Oh, yeah, she said something like that but I was half-asleep."

Julie was pleasantly surprised to find Luke's homework neatly gathered at the corner of the desk. It didn't escape her how Luke seemed to glow with pride when she commented on it. She had to fight a smile as she dropped Luke's homework into her bag.

"Get some rest, dork. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call someone from Sunset Swerve. I'll be busy."

"It's Sunset CURVE and you know it."

"Really? I never noticed."

Luke pouted. "Tuxedo Sam says you're being very mean right now. I'm sick and I deserve care."

"Well, you can tell your stupid penguin that Skipper will beat his ass."

"You named your penguin after the penguins from Madagascar?"

"You call yours Tuxedo Sam."

"Yeah, okay, that's fair."

Julie rolled her eyes and turned to leave. "Take a nap, Moody McSleeveless."

Luke glanced at the penguin laying nearby as he heard Julie lock up the house again. "Don't look at me like that, she's mean all the time."

"I BROUGHT CAKE!"

Luke scrambled up, launching Tuxedo Sam off the bed. "Who died?"

"No one died," Julie said, picking up the penguin as she walked up to Luke's bed. "It's Friday and since you're doing a little better, I thought you could do with a small treat. Tuxedo Sam agrees."

"Give me back my penguin," Luke said, reaching both arms out to Julie.

"Did you do yesterday's homework?"

"Yes."

"Did you really eat both bowls of food yesterday?"

"Yes."

"And keep it down?"

"Yes, ma'am, now can I please have my penguin back?"

Julie passed Luke the stuffed animal. "You're adorable," she blurted, turning away immediately to hide her own stunned look. She cleared her throat as she headed to the desk to grab Luke's homework. "So, that group project? We got a ninety-five."

That distracted Luke easily enough. "What happened to the other five?!"

"We're very bad at teamwork," Julie said, glancing back at Luke over her shoulder to see him relax against the pillows.

"Ah. That . . . makes sense."

Julie nodded. "Mhm."

The silence that blanketed the room wasn't as awkward as it should have been.

"I have to go. Most of the teachers said it would be okay to get your homework on Monday, but Mr Hughes is on my tail about your chemistry paper. My dad is making cupcakes tonight for some reason and I told Willie he could have some, so I'll send extra with him to give to Alex to give to you, but enjoy that crappy store cake for now. I left proper lunch with your mom for when you feel like it."

It didn't register that the only reason Mr Hughes would be harassing Julie about Luke's homework was if Julie herself had taken responsibility for Luke. Well, it did register, but by then, Julie was long gone and the only response Luke could muster was a muffled scream into poor Tuxedo Sam.

"Oh, ew, gross. Luke, it smells like the middle school locker room in here. What were you doing?"

Luke had never looked more sheepish in his life as he pointed to the canister on his nightstand -- right next to his alarm clock. "My phone went off about an hour ago and I thought it was the alarm so I did the smart thing and slammed it down but I missed. Obviously."

Holding her nose, Julie dropped everything she was carrying on Luke's table and tore the curtains open, pushing the windows as far as they could go. She stood there for a moment, relishing in the fresh air. "I'll come back inside when I can breathe," Julie said, halfway out the window.

Luke wanted to melt into his pillows. A week later and he was only feeling slightly better. The pros of it was that Julie visited every day with something tasty and a level of snark that only amused him. The cons of it was that Julie visited every day and left him flustered and red in the face.

He firmly believed that Julie only came by every day because she had homework to drop off, but today was Saturday. There was no more homework to drop off.

And she could have just backtracked right out the door again but instead, she headed for the windows on the other side of his room. Why?

Because she's taking care of you, dork.

Luke couldn't help but think that the logical voice in his head sounded suspiciously like Julie.

"Hey, my parents have some stupid couple's yoga thing on Saturdays. Did you break in?"

Julie pulled the windows halfway closed and stepped back into the room. "No, I still have your keys. Your dad tried to give me the spare key to the front door but your mom said it'll be fine if I kept yours until you're back on your feet."

"Wow. She really trusts you, huh?"

Julie shrugged. "I'm a very trustworthy person."

"No, you're not. I saw you lose a pen that you stuck behind your ear and then you proceeded to lose three more by tucking them behind your other ear and in your pockets. You then tried to steal mine."

"I was fourteen," Julie said defensively.

"It happened last week!"

"I felt fourteen."

Luke gave Julie a deadpan look.

"Cute pyjamas."

"I know, right? Bobby got us matching ones when we were like fifteen for band bonding. I mean, I grew out of the pants but the shirt still fits."

Julie scoffed as she stared at the dark haired cartoon smiling at her from the pink shirt. "Looks really good on you, Skip."

"Hey, I like being Skipper. She's Barbie's most intelligent sister."

"Oh, yeah?" Luke didn't even notice that Julie had made herself comfortable at the foot of his bed. "And if you're Skipper, who are the others?"

"Bobby is Chelsea, 'cause he's the youngest of us, Alex is Barbie, 'cause his summer jobs have been everywhere, and Reg is Stacie, 'cause she's Bobby's favourite and Bobby's favourite bandmate is Reg."

Julie's head tilted slightly. "You sound drunk."

"The bottle said one teaspoon of cough syrup but I didn't read and I took two tablespoons. It's okay, though. Mom panicked and called the doctor and he says the cough syrup he gave me is for kids and I'm just really, really, really intolerant. Which you should remember for me because I plan to be super famous with the band and there are gonna be a lot of after parties and I don't wanna get drunk five minutes in. I think the cough syrup is kicking in."

"Luke Patterson, you are unbelievable."

"I know, right?" He attempted a winning smile, but it came off as plain childlike.

Julie chastised herself for finding him adorable. They were mortal enemies and she had to remember that. Then what are you doing in his room on a Saturday, after explicitly telling the rest of his band to stay away?

Julie found it unnerving how much the voice in her head sounded like a teasing Luke.

"You're like, really annoying."

Julie frowned. "I -- I'm sorry?"

"You should be." Luke was sitting cross-legged now, fiddling with the ears of a stuffed bunny. "It's really messing with my head."

Julie decided she liked tipsy Luke -- even if it was just cough syrup. "How so?"

"No, it's nothing."

"You can tell me, Luke. I promised not to tell anyone about your stuffed animals and I kept it, right?"

"Yeah, but this time the secret about you. You're not allowed to know."

Curiosity more than anything made Julie lean forward slightly. "It'll be our secret."

"Okay, but you have to promise not to talk about it."

Julie nodded quickly. Luke tugged at the bunny's ears for a moment.

"You're like . . . really pretty."

Julie couldn't help the soft laugh that bubbled out of her. Adorable, she thought.

"Like, a lot of pretty. You're pretty on the inside, too."

"On the inside?"

"Yeah. On the inside. You know, your heart."

"M-my heart?"

Luke nodded at his stuffed rabbit. "Yeah. You have a really pretty heart. It beats like a drum. Making music. Like you."

Julie's mouth hung open, surprise silencing her.

"You have the prettiest music in you. I can hear it like -- like a song that gets stuck in my head all day. It's really annoying but it's so pretty. It smells like flowers and it looks like butterflies."

At this point, Julie didn't think she'd be able to speak, even if she knew what to say. Luke was talking to the stuffed animal, frowning as he struggled to voice his thoughts understandably.

"Sometimes it's just so loud and I wanna cover my ears and run away but it just gets louder and louder and then you come over and you're saying something mean but the music is there and it's not so loud anymore but I still can't hear anything else. Your heart sounds like a ballad."

Julie was frozen to her seat at the edge of the bed. Part of her wondered if it was Luke talking or the fever. Part of her desperately hoped it was Luke.

"Julie, you are music."

It was a simple sentence. Anyone could have said it. It could mean a lot or it could mean nothing at all. If anyone else had said it to her, she would have taken it as the highest form of a compliment. But that wasn't what Luke was saying.

Everyone knew that Luke spoke best through lyrics and chords. His books and desks were covered in etched notes and scribbled words. Luke lived and breathed music. It was everything to him. Without it, Luke didn't know who he was.

And he compared it to Julie.

Julie stared at the text on her phone. She bit her lower lip, unsure of what to say in response.

Mom said you visited yesterday. I was dazed for most of it. I didn't say anything stupid or incriminating, right? Not that anything could be more incriminating than the three stuffed animals on my bed.

Ten minutes after that, another had come through. Jules, are you ignoring me? Did I do something?

Then another five minutes later. This is still Julie Molina's number, right?

Julie quickly typed out something before she chickened out again and tossed her phone to the foot of her bed once it was sent.

Hey. Got busy in the kitchen with dad. No, you're good. See you at school tomorrow?

Julie scrambled for her phone to send one last word.

A few streets away, Luke stared at the word 'dork'. He was sure he had said something. He vaguely remembered yapping on about music to Julie -- duh, what else did they share? -- and then suddenly, she wasn't there anymore. He wondered if he'd fallen asleep talking and Julie had left then or if he really had said something to make her leave.

Yeah, he wrote back, see you at school.

Luke cornered Julie as soon as he caught sight of her in the school hallway. "You've been ignoring me and I don't like that."

Julie squeaked. "I most definitely am not ignoring you."

"Julie, you're pretty much the only person in this school that doesn't keep their phone on mute or vibrate. I know you heard my texts yesterday."

"So what if I am?" Julie asked, folding her arms. "We're not friends, so why should you care if I reply to your texts or not? In fact, why were you even messaging me in the first place?"

While Luke fumbled for a response, Julie slipped past him and continued on her way to class.

"Oh, that is just rude!" Luke yelled after Julie.

She ignored him all through any classes they shared and when lunch rolled around, she made sure to sit with Carrie and Flynn at a small table. Luke had never looked more offended in his life as he joined Reggie in sitting with Alex and Willie.

"What did you do on Saturday?" Alex asked, leaning forward to whisper. "Julie was fine when she told us we don't need to come by at all."

"Julie told you not to come over?" Luke asked, ripping his gaze from Julie to Alex and then Reggie, who shook his head.

"Bro, she actually called Alex and told him that we don't need to come see you because she was going to."

"Yeah, I remember her being there but I was drugged up on cough syrup."

"Weak," Alex whispered loudly, grinning when he made Willie laugh.

"Maybe you said something?" Willie suggested.

"Yeah, probably! But she's not talking to me. She's not even insulting me, which I would very much prefer over this apathy."

"You know where she lives," Reggie said dismissively. "Maybe you should pay her a visit."

Luke glanced across the cafeteria to see Julie quickly whip her head down to stare at her fold. "Yeah. Maybe."

Julie was tired and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. Her plans were thrown way off the rails when she walked into her room and found Luke petering around the shelves beside her bed.

"What are you doing here?"

Luke drew his hand back sharply. "Cute box. What's in it?"

"None of your business," Julie snapped, hurriedly closing her bedroom door. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you but you were ignoring me and--"

"You could've just yelled at me from outside," Julie hissed. "I would have come down to shut you up! You can't be in here. Get out of my room."

"No. Not until you tell me why you've been avoiding me since Saturday. Jules, what--"

"Fine! Go and wait for me in the garage. I'll come talk to you in there."

Luke hesitated, unsure if Julie was serious.

When she heard footsteps getting closer, Julie grabbed Luke by the neckline of his shirt and dragged him to the window. "Get out," she whispered hurriedly, "I'll come down to the garage, I promise."

Thankfully, by the time her father arrived, Luke was gone.

"Who were you talking to, mija?"

"Luke," Julie said with a smile. She pointed at the phone. "He liked the cupcakes I sent with Willie."

"Oh, that's great. You didn't take something yesterday and today? Is he feeling better?"

"Much," Julie said, nodding, "in fact, we have some talking to do, so I'm gonna meet him in the garage in a few minutes."

"So late?"

Julie absolutely could not lie to her dad. But she could do half truths. "It's a long overdue discussion."

"School work?"

Julie shrugged. "Music."

"Ah. The garage makes sense. Well, do you wanna take some food down? Midnight snack?"

"Thanks, dad," Julie said with a smile, "you're the best."

"Oh, your dad is the best!" Luke cried as soon as he saw Julie walk in with a plate of cookies.

"These are experimental, too. They're some kind of oatmeal and choc mint blend. They taste good, in my opinion."

"Everything your dad makes tastes good," Luke said, grabbing three cookies. "My mom's starting to get jealous of how much I love your dad's cooking."

Juli smiled and set the plate down on the coffee table. Was there any point beating around the bush? Sugarcoating things?

"You told me I was music."

Luke paused, one and a half cookies gone. "What?"

Julie kept her gaze trained on the tassels of the carpet. "You told me I'm annoying . . . because I'm pretty. Because I have a pretty heart. You said it beats like a drum and I have the prettiest music in me that gets stuck in your head. It --"

"Smells like spring and looks like butterflies. . ." Luke looked positively mortified.

Julie, refusing to look up, did not notice. "You said . . . you said my heart sounds like a ballad and then -- and then you told me I am music."

Had he really said all that aloud? Well, no wonder Julie was avoiding him like the plague.

Julie tensed up when she could see Luke's feet step in front of her. Almost every part of her screamed that this was wrong. They shouldn't be so close without bickering and fighting. But deeper within, beyond the confines of logic and sense, Luke's voice told her that this was the furthest thing from wrong.

"I said all that? Aloud?"

Julie nodded.

"You know what music is to me."

Julie nodded again.

"Jules," Luke said gently. "Julie, look at me."

Julie refused to, so Luke gingerly tucked his finger under her chin and lifted her head, waiting until her gaze fell on him before speaking.

"You know what music is to me," he said again, prompting another nod from Julie. "Then you know what you mean to me."

Julie blinked a few times and shook her head. "No. No, that's just the fever talking. You -- you didn't really mean all of that."

"If you really believe that, why are you avoiding me?"

"I . . . I don't know."

Luke dropped his hand to take hold of Julie's. He glanced at her, waiting for her to pull away. When she didn't, he interlocked his fingers with hers. "I meant every word. Okay, maybe not literally, but you know what I mean."

Julie shook her head. "We're not even friends, Luke."

"Hm, well, who said I wanted to be your friend?"

Julie wanted to hate Luke. She wanted to loathe the sight of him. She didn't want to like him, let alone love him.

And yet, she did.

So before the overthinker in her could stop her, Julie leaned up on tiptoes and brushed her lips against his. Luke beamed at her like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Not the response I was expecting, but definitely one I'm enjoying."

"Don't make me regret it."

"Yes, ma'am. Now, what are my chances of getting two more? And one for the road? Within the next five seconds becaus my mom doesn't know I snuck out and she think I'm still sick."

"Dork," Julie said fondly, shaking her head.

"I'm serious!"

"You can have two."

"Three."

"Two."

"Four."

"One."

"Two will do," Luke said, letting go of Julie's hands to wrap his arms around her. He gave her a small squeeze. "Plus a hug."

"Dork," Julie said again. But he was her dork and he was her favourite.

Before anyone comes for me about the cough syrup thing, I'm drawing from experience. I mean I never confessed my undying love for anyone but I did blurt out some weird shit. Also, THAT WAS LONG AND IF YOU SURVIVED THE ENTIRE THING, CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU

Mara's masterlist

[mademoiselleseraph]

Do I really think this would make Catherine better or do I just want it to be more like Perfect Blue?

AU where Vincent is an aspiring actor still trying to make it big at age 32. He has talent, dammit, but he never seems to get the right auditions at the right times. He's lost more than one job over prioritizing his potential acting career and is lucky that Orlando got him a job with a little more leeway at his workplace.

He does love Katherine-with-a-K, but he'd be lying if he said their relationship wasn't beneficial to him and his ability to chase his dreams. She's paid his bills a few times and she honestly doesn't mind if she'll pay his bills for the rest of their lives, she just wants something to show for it. And honestly, it's worrying that he wants to do something where so much can go wrong and he isn't even insured. Katherine herself got into fashion by designing otokoyaku costumes for stories that would make great Takarazuka shows when the should have been studying. The first conversation they had was about the performance arts. She wouldn't ask him to give up his dream but would it kill him to be more realistic?

The first night out with the guys we see has Vincent tell them that he went to audition for Romeo in a production of Romeo and Juliet. But they were hoping for someone younger and prettier so he read for the part of Paris instead. When Toby admits he didn't actually read it in school, Jonny explains that Paris is the romantic rival. Vincent scoffs at this, objecting that Paris is the one Juliet doesn't want to marry, and would rather die than marry. Toby responds with a sympathetic "ouch."

When the mysterious Catherine-with-a-C shows up she makes a point to mention that she has connections. Helpful connections.

And after waking up with her in his bed and no memory of how she got there, he gets a call from the theatre company. They went with someone else and he apologizes for wasting their time but the director on the other end says their sister company is casting Hamlet and they put in a good word for him as the title character. It would suit him much better than Paris. He thanks them profusely and writes down the address and time so he can make it. He'll have to cancel plans with his actual girlfriend Katherine, but she'll understand.

You don't get suggested for Hamlet after being a Paris so sub-par you don't even get a call-back. It just doesn't happen. Something's fishy here. And yet... maybe that girl had something to do with it. She did have connections, didn't she?

And so it goes. Vincent goes home and passes out after a night at the bar, seeing the same girl every night. He finds himself exposed, clawing his way to the top of a shaky tower. He can't stop or get too comfortable or it will fall from underneath his feet. Sometimes he has to push others down to get there. He wakes up next to that girl he can't remember saying yes to or inviting home and he finally starts actually landing the roles he tries for in tv and film. They're not leads, but the characters are named and have a good amount lines and personality.

Jonny mentions that his girlfriend is an opera singer, and discusses plot points in Faust, her current production, with Vincent, who studied Goethe's version of the tale in college. They talk about nude witches and smutty metaphores involving apple trees, and of course, the betting of one's soul.

Toby describes Vincent chasing his dreams as inspiring. Vincent wonders at what point does inspiring mean desperate and pathetic, but in a cute way.

Erica and Vincent were in a Greek tragedy club in high school that cast the characters "the traditional way" and Vincent remembers taking the role of Jason in Euripides' Medea so Erica could play the title role. He jokes that she didn't seem offended at them letting her perform and she says they just weren't used to girls that looked like her then.

Two questions relevant to Vincent's role as Hamlet show up in the confessional. One is "who's responsible for the king's death?" The answers presented are Claudius, which leans toward order and Gertrude, which leans toward chaos. The other goes "Did Hamlet have a hand in Ophelia's demise?" The answer "he's not guiltless" leans toward order and the answer "it's not his fault she's sick" leans toward chaos.

The best ending for Catherine-with-a-C involves everyone at the bar wondering what happened to Vincent and catching a news story on the tv that he's set up to become a star like few others after showing up out of nowhere and landing roles that should have conflicting schedules left and right. He sounds like a pig in the interview, saying it's all about the connections and sometimes connections have nice legs and a waist you can wrap your hands around and that he's not looking for love but child support would take care of itself if his career keeps up like this. Everyone shares their disdain, hates his shades, and Jonny states that he'll give Katherine-with-a-K a call to make sure she's okay. We cut to the other Catherine sitting on the edge of the bed, grabbing Vincent's hair and saying, ever so sweetly, "I'm still your number one, aren't I?" And he leans in to kiss her, whispering "Anything you say," before his lips touch her neck.

In Katherine-with-a-K's best ending, Vincent mentions signing on to play the neighbor in a family comedy. It's not prestigeous and it won't get him any awards, but it's a steady paycheck, and they've even given him some creative leeway. The deal with his character is that he's head over heals with a lady way out of his league. He suggested that she could be a missed connection from high school, career-oriented, in the fashion industry, and named Katherine. They've accepted all this input. His girlfriend is touched by this and when they get married he declares that she'll be a bigger household name than him, and he can't wait to be known as her husband.

Rin's best ending involves him being a producer, yes, but any movie Rin composes a score for is contractually obligated to offer Vincent a cameo. By the time he dies he's sure people will make compilations of the cameos, construct elaborate theories of them all being the same universe-hopping character, dedicate memes to him, and the like. His legacy will be people on the internet having some harmless fun.

The Neutral ending has Vincent publishing a memoire of that week of nightmares, dedicated to "The two women who taught me what I was not and the person who saw me for what I was. I still think about you, Rin." He's well aware this won't be received as nonfiction, and so he's working an a manuscript for a fantasy novel. There's a hero and a dangerous tower and a god with ill intentions and, well, you'll have to read it to find out what else.

[princessozera]

The TikTok/Vine Fuck Up

Summary: Listen, memes, tik toks, and vines are HILARIOUS. And, when you say them enough times, they become your automatic responses. Unfortunately, these automated responses have put you into hot water a couple of times....

GN!MC (They/Them, 2nd ppov)

Word Count: 1.3 k

Lucifer

“Mammon I understand that you have an impulse to grab things that don’t belong to you but this time-” You groaned internally as Lucifer continued to berate Mammon. This day just kept getting worse and worse; you’d woken up with a crick in your neck and tense all over, you’d spilled your lunch on your uniform, everyone in the cafeteria getting a good look at what lay underneath that dumb teal button up, and skimmed your knee walking home. You’d come to the library for some peace and quiet to work on your homework with Satan, but less than 10 minutes later, Mammon came in screaming with Lucifer hot on his heels. Although you weren’t really listening to what was being said, you were at the end of your rope, and finally snapped.

“Lucifer please! We get it! He messed up! Could you just shut up and drop it already!”

“I BEG YOUR PARDON!?” he pivots to you in one smooth motion, anger flaring.

“THEN BEG!” 

You felt the room temperature drop by 20 degrees, regretting the words out of your mouth as every one turned to stare at you in horror. Even Lucifer stares at you, mouth agape for a moment before glaring you down.

“MC. Go to my room immediately, I’ll be with you in a minute,” he ordered in what can only be described as a growl. You nod curtly, accepting your fate, although you weren’t entirely sure what it was, the dark look in Lucifer’s eyes was a little hard to decipher.

“You’ve lived a good life MC,” Levi sighs, patting your shoulder as you walk out.

“You will be dearly missed,” Satan snickers, going back to his own work.

(( No matter how much you tried to explain that it was an accident and your response was suppose to be a joke, no matter how many compilations of the video you tried to show him, Lucifer would make sure you atoned for your sass.))

Mammon

It had been another great night of bar hopping with Mammon. You snuck out from the house to celebrate a perfect test score, although, truth be told, both of you just wanted an excuse to drink together. You downed another shot, a new liquor recommended by Mammon. 

Mammon walked off to close the tab and you could immediately feel that you should not have taken that last shot. You pulled out your D.D.D and saw a message from Satan, congratulating you on a perfect test score. “He cares about me so much-” your chest tightens, and you begin to scroll through your camera feed, smiling back at the hundreds of pictures you had with the brothers. “They all do-” your lips began to tremble, an overwhelming sense of belonging and love starting to overtake you.

“Hey MC!” Mammon laughs as he pulls you into his arms, completely missing the tears in your eyes because of his own drunken haze. “I got 69 grimm in change, you know what that means,” He joking lifts his eyebrows at you, before freezing, finally realizing how close you were to crying.

“It means I don’t have enough money for chicken nuggets,” your joke falls flat as you start to cry, hiding your face in Mammon’s jacket.

“Oi MC! It’s okay, pull yourself together,” Mammon stammers, blushing profusely as you snuggled closer to him, “It’s okay, I’ve got you! Hey! Waitress! Do you got any chicken nuggets!?”

-------------

The next day, you woke up to a pounding headache. Oh no, wait, someone was pounding at the door.

Wait, nope, you still had that headache.

“MAMMON! MC! YOU HAVE 1 MINUTE TO OPEN THIS DOOR BEFORE I BREAK IT DOWN!” Lucifer yelled from the other side of the door. This was enough to wake you up and you sat up, pulling yourself free from Mammon’s warm embrace and subsequently waking him up as well. Before you could even jump out of bed, you stared in horror at what lay around you. 

Every single surface of Mammon’s room was covered in mountains of chicken nuggets.

Lucifer scolded you and Mammon for 4 straight hours. It was hard to concentrate on what he was saying, sleepiness threatening to pull you down, but you eventually picked up what had happened last night.

In your crying drunken stupor, Mammon had sworn to do anything he could to get you to stop crying. Which, in this case, meant buying every single chicken nugget in the entirety of the Devildom. Every restaurant, bar, and grocery store was officially sold out of chicken nuggets.

((You did end up paying Mammon back, this poor sweet dumb ass just wanted to see you smile again. And no worries about wasting food, Beel helped in significantly reducing the chicken nugget surplus in the house.))

Levi

You. Are. Trashed. 

So. Is. Levi.

In your defense, it doesn’t take much to get Levi wasted; you could down more liquor than he could and that’s just on not being a coward (jk jk jk I don’t support alcoholism). You had gone to his room around 6pm to have an anime marathon, but halfway through he suggested a drinking game his guild friends had recommended (he wanted to confess to you, but decided he needed to get drunk first, this poor shy baby). You agreed and Levi brought out the alcohol he had hidden in his room, even pulling out bottles that he knew would affect you since Demonus had no effect.

Well, you probably should have checked the list of recommended animes to play this game to, because, in order to play by the standard rules, you were sipping on your drinks every couple of minutes. It didn’t take either of you long to get blitzed, so you decided to stop playing and switched to another anime, but still sipping on your drinks at your own discretion.

It was 3 AM when Mammon barged in, yelling “OI OI what’s with the racket!? How is anyone supposed to sleep like this!?” In truth, he knew you were with his brother and was starting to get jealous with how long you were together, alone. When he saw how wasted you were, he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, “Okay, this sleepover is OVER, you’re going back to your room MC.” You whined, but were really in no position to protest and Levi only laughed at how ridiculous you looked with your hair in your face like that. You wanted to say goodbye to Levi, and thank him for a fun night, but for whatever reason, you decided the proper response was to sing “YOU’LL NEVER SEE ME AGAAAIIINNNNNN” as you swayed with Mammon’s receding steps.

Nope.

Wrong words sweetheart.

In his drunken state, Levi was convinced that you were dead serious, he would never see you again.

 “NO! MC!” He wailed, latching on to your dangling arms while wrapping his legs around Mammon’s to stop him.

“Levi what the -” Mammon grunted as he toppled over, just barely quick enough to move you out of the way. Mammon may be the stronger brother, but despite his best efforts, he couldn’t pry his crying brother off of you. He huffed before throwing BOTH of you over a shoulder, Levi still holding onto your arm. Mammon took you both to his room, leaving to put sports drinks in the fridge before coming back and ultimately deciding to sleep on his couch.

((You woke up in the morning to a high pitched scream. Glancing over, Levi was so red you were scared he developed a fever for a second. 

“MC! What are you- what did we-?” Levi stammered, too scared to look under the blanket that covered you both. He was knocked back onto the bed by a pillow to the head with Mammon sleepily murmuring “In your dreams you weak ass otaku”))

((Masterlist))

[itsclydebitches]

YYH Recaps: Episode 4 “Requirements for Lovers”

Hello, everyone! It's been quite a while, huh? Ah, the endless cycle of wanting to write and yet, astoundingly, not writing. I know it well.

Good ol' writer's block has skedaddled for a time though, so let's make good use of that and dive into Episode Four: "Requirements for Lovers." 

Ohhh, YYH getting spicy with its titles 😏

Actually wait, I shouldn't be making dumb jokes just yet. First I want to acknowledge a slight change to future recaps: YYH, RWBY, and anything else I might try my hand at. Namely, a lack of pictures moving forward. A few weeks ago — months? I honestly can't keep track — tumblr implemented a new limitation where no post can have more than ten images in it. It's a move that, while I'm sure has its justifications, makes sharing analyses of visually-based media all the more difficult. I'll be doing my best moving forward to describe scenes as needed, as well as combining connected images together to stretch out my limit, but I'm not going to pretend that it'll be the same as getting the visual play-by-play we’re used to. 

Tumblr certainly is a website, huh?  

Anyway, we open on Yusuke once again lamenting the difficulty of hatching a spirit beast that doesn't immediately devour him from the head down. On the one hand this is an admittedly easy way to reset the story over the course of this arc — the storytelling equivalent of waking your character up each morning — yet I cannot deny that if I were undergoing a resurrection test, it would consume my every thought too. Can't really blame Yusuke for endlessly bringing the conflict up when the conflict is this deadly.

Well, deadly for a ghost, anyway.

Specifically, he's worried about how embarrassing it would be to get eaten by something that came out of an egg this tiny. I'm torn between reminding a fictional character that things grow — a pissed off chicken could kick my ass and it started out in an egg too — and just shaking my head over the absurdity of worrying about embarrassment when, you know, you would cease to exist. It's not even a matter of, "What if I die and then I'm embarrassed about it in the afterlife :( " Yusuke is already IN the afterlife. He's got nowhere to go but oblivion!

Luckily, Botan takes a more practical approach to these worries, pointing out that he'll be just fine provided he does some good deeds. Yusuke starts a rant about how do-gooders are only ever out for themselves.

Yusuke, you dumb-dumb, you're a do-gooder now. What was all that help for Kuwabara, hmm? As said, these early episodes exist in a semi-reset loop, where Yusuke needs to stew in his main character flaws for a while before any real growth starts to stick. Those flaws being, primarily, "I'm a pessimist" and "also I hate myself."

Case in point, Botan accuses him of always seeing the glass as half empty. Which, while true enough (outside of his confidence in fighting, anyway), by now we've got a pretty good sense of where Yusuke developed this attitude. He affirms this by talking about how Koenma's got him by the balls, "just another idiot abusing his power!" With an alcoholic mother and those teachers from last episode, it's no wonder Yusuke thinks this way. Mr. Takenaka's interest and Keiko's care aren't enough to combat the rest of Yusuke's experience, not when Takenaka is an outlier and Keiko is Yusuke's peer. Her desire to keep him on the right track reads only as an inevitability at best (the downside of having a perfect childhood friend), or a legitimate annoyance at worst. Or, as we'll continue to see in this episode, a way for them to flirt.

Is it any wonder Yusuke would sneer at Koenma's offer then, expecting the worst? The fact that Yusuke is still undergoing the challenge at all, no matter what he says, speaks volumes to me.

However, Botan is less than comfortable with his criticisms. She panics a bit at Yusuke insulting the (junior) ruler of the underworld so blithely. That, and the fact that he's carelessly tossing his egg around.

(Yes we’re using precious picture space for memes are you SURPRISED?) 

Anyway, Botan isn't just concerned for the sake of concern. She cautions Yusuke against speaking too freely because there may be investigators checking in on his progress. No sooner does he ask what those investigators look like than one appears.

Thunder! Lighting! An energy so intense that Yusuke is briefly blinded! It is, as he says, quite the entrance. What kind of being could possibly be at the heart of such an astounding show?

Why, this teeny-tiny cutie, of course.

Remember, few appearances in YYH coincide with the character's true self. Would you ever assume this is the all-powerful investigator who holds Yusuke's future in her hands? Of course not. That's the point.

The investigator introduces herself as Sayaka and immediately demonstrates that she has no more patience for Yusuke's attitude than Botan does. "These damn kids," he mutters and my brain briefly blue screens because Yusuke. You're fourteen.

Plus, Sayaka and Botan clearly have some sort of eternal youth situation going on, so there's that too.

Sayaka is, in a word, fantastic. She pulls no punches with Yusuke, teleporting away from him with what can only be described as a shit-eating smile, all while refusing to tell him what exactly she's investigating. “I’m sorry, but that’s a secret!” However, Keiko is clearly at the forefront of her interest. She refers to her as Yusuke's "girlfriend."

Botan is more than happy to point Keiko out — because of course they're still following her around! — and pulls a Et tu, Brute? on Yususke, leading Sayaka right to her. Like most of the Underworld, Sayaka is rather shocked that the pretty, popular, scholarly girl is supposedly into the delinquent. It's the power of childhood friendship, you fools! Specifically, Sayaka references the "positive markings" that Keiko has accumulated, but the audience already knows by now that such markings are suspect at best. Yusuke himself is proof of that. So if his terrible marks don't preclude him from being a young kid's savior, should we really view Keiko's as proof of superiority?

I mean, Keiko is fantastic, but that's not really the point here.

Starting her own investigation into Yusuke's life, Sayaka begins with one hell of a bombshell: "There's no point in doing [the resurrection] if the people closest to you don't care." WOW. Not only is that a harsh assessment, it's one I don't think I can personally get behind. The offer to restore Yusuke to life is built on the acknowledgment that their system is flawed (even if there's no work to change or dismantle that system): they thought he was worthless, his sacrificial death seems to have proven them wrong, and now they want further evidence, in the form of this trial, that Yusuke is a good person at heart. The whole point of this challenge is to give him a second chance, with testimonies like Mr. Takenaka's emphasizing that Yusuke has always been capable of more, so long as he applies himself. This, as we'll see throughout the series, applies to relationships too. The Yusuke with one friend he play-fights with, a distant mother, and a school worth of kids who are terrified of his very name is not the future Yusuke they expect him to become, so... why base his resurrection on what he's already (not) accomplished? Granted, the show is very unclear about what, if anything, Sayaka will do if she decides that Yusuke doesn't have a life worth going back to (even if I have my own theory discussed at the end), but the fact that this is suddenly a factor at all seems grossly unfair, not entirely unlike Kuwabara's rigged promise. We as the audience know that people love Yusuke. Yusuke himself is beginning to acknowledge that. But if this fourteen year old delinquent truly had no one that wanted him back from the dead... isn't that all the more reason to allow a resurrection and give him the chance to build a life where he would be missed? 

This stupid shonen got me thinking too much istg. 

Yusuke, ever the self-deprecating pessimist, bypasses all of the above thoughts and jumps straight to, "It's clear if [Keiko] had any sense she'd want me gone." I'd find that attitude incredibly sad if I wasn't distracted by how cute Botan and Sayaka are, sitting on the oar together. The spirit girls who fly together, thrive together! 

Botan starts teasing Yusuke about having a crush, which just feeds his temper and Sayaka's confusion. Deciding that she needs to gather more info, they follow along for an average day of school because these earlier episodes are, apparently, ghost-stalk Keiko hours. 

We see her reading aloud in class from Heart of Darkness (not the easiest book for some middle schoolers), scoring a point during volleyball practice, refusing to let one girl cheat off her homework, but happily helping another who runs up with a question. So she's pretty, athletic, and academically successful, the trifecta for any good love interest. Sayaka is impressed not just with her "nearly perfect" scores, but also the maturity that Keiko demonstrates, such as maintaining her morals about cheating while remaining compassionate. 

Actually, I really love the contrast this provides for us, the viewer. Meaning, Keiko is shown to be at her least mature when in Yusuke's presence. Not that her responses aren't justified, but watching her dramatically snatch gum from his mouth, slap him across the face, or pull crazed expressions as she yells at him is a far cry from this calm, poised, soft-spoken Keiko. It's a way to visually show us that she's comfortable in his presence, despite the suspect humor attached. Not that the Keiko we see at school is faking or anything — she is legitimately that kind and articulate — but we see that being with Yusuke allows her to relax in a way she doesn't with others. School!Keiko is, as Sayaka says, pretty much perfect, 24/7. Yusuke's Keiko is a little rougher around the edges, in a way that implies a multifaceted personality shining through. 

However, the only conclusion our trio draws is that, given Keiko's accomplishments, any attraction must be one-sided.

Poor Yusuke lol. 

In a plot move that is so ridiculously contrived, just as Yusuke is grappling with the accusation that Keiko couldn't possibly like him back, a "handsome boy" arrives to ask Keiko out. He says that he couldn't bear it when she stopped reading Heart of Darkness because he's fallen in love with her voice. "Will you be my girlfriend?" 

Please excuse me while I lose my shit over how ridiculous this is. I legitimately straight up cackled when I watched this scene. 

Luckily for Mr. Absurd, Keiko takes him seriously — and lets him down easy. She says she can't be his girlfriend and when he presses the "Why?", asking if she already likes someone else, Keiko confirms that she does. This is done through a shot of her feet. Not a POV shot given the angle, but close enough that it feels like we're stepping into Keiko's shoes (haha), shyly staring down at the floor in embarrassment and regret. 

Rejection complete? The guy screams. 

I mean he screams. 

I mean this nobody we're never gonna see again unhinges his jaw and lets out an unholy shriek the likes of which makes me shriek in utter GLEE. 

It's insane. It's wonderful. I'm going to use one of my coveted image spots to show you his face: 

Look at that and tell me this show isn't amazing. 

Okay, I'm focusing again. As Keiko runs off Botan and Sayaka start dragging Yusuke, teasing him about how Keiko chose him over that "charming handsome boy." 

...Please scroll up and look at that image again. I find YYH's definition of "charming" and "handsome" to be hilariously wrong. 

Yusuke, as per usual, throws himself into damage control, claiming that Keiko didn't say who she liked, so really it could be anyone. They're not buying it. “'I like Keiko' is written all over your face!” Botan crows. Meanwhile, Sayaka is scribbling in her little investigator's journal that feelings on both side are severely misunderstood. "Suggest serious counseling." 

Fantastic idea, Sayaka. I'd personally suggest counseling for the whole dying/best friend getting resurrected thing... but relationship woes work too! 

We cut to later when school is out and Keiko has gone over to Yusuke's. To say that Atsuko has done a poor job of keeping the house clean lately would be a serious understatement. 

Keiko points out the old food and broken glass specifically, cluing us in that this isn't just a messy environment, but a dangerous one as well. This is proven when she accidentally knocks a stack of books over and a used bowl falls onto Yusuke's face. What's interesting is that Keiko says that things are "back to normal" now, though I'm not sure if that's in reference to the state of the house, or just the note Atsuko left behind, asking Keiko to take care of Yusuke while she's out. I'm inclined towards thinking it's just the note, partly because of Keiko's shock when she first arrives, because the house wasn't shown to be in this state prior to Yusuke's death (first image above), and because the note is accompanied by a great voiceover that makes Atsuko sound quite sloshed when she left. That's what's normal, the drinking and carefree attitude, not the state of her home. If we buy that reading, it allows for another fantastic look into Atsuko's mental state. If she's already an alcoholic, the trauma of her son's death and the following revelation that he's coming back might make her struggle in other ways. Like finding cleaning to be an impossible task. 

She's depressed. It doesn't excuse the state she's left Yusuke in and, as previously acknowledged, YYH is definitely not a show interested in this nuance, but I still find it fun to take what little we've gotten and run with it. 

However, Keiko is firmly on team "WTF Atsuko." She hurries to make sure Yusuke wasn't hurt by the falling bowl, bemoans him being "covered in garbage," and says that leaving him in this state should be considered a felony. Knowing it's far beyond her power to fix Atsuko's failings, Keiko swears to come here after school every day until Yusuke regains his body. It's as she's cleaning him of the dust that's gathered that Keiko becomes entranced with Yusuke’s features. Particularly his lips. The soft lighting returns, their theme song swells, and Keiko gets thiiiis close to kissing Yusuke for the first time. 

Which is a little weird, right? I mean, we know why Yusuke is freaking out. Beyond the embarrassment of a middle schooler receiving his first kiss while two ghost girls eagerly watch on, he's made a hobby of denouncing his interest in Keiko to anyone who will listen. But for the average viewer — for Keiko herself — don't we care the he's, you know, dead? Or if not technically dead, very unconscious? Don't get me wrong, I fully understand the appeal of this situation in a generalized, cultural sense (with the side disclaimer that I'm reading a Japanese product through an American lens). Sleeping Beauty exists for a reason and there's definitely an element of that here: a gender-reversed setup where Keiko’s kills may break the "curse" of Yusuke's untimely death. Even his in-between state of being mirrors the "death like sleep" of the fairy tale. But when you strip away those Disney-esque thoughts, we're left with a girl about to kiss an unresponsive body, not as a common gesture of care (the parent who kisses their child while they sleep), but as a first time, romantic milestone. 

It's a little weird lol. 

But embrace the romance! As well as its inevitable interruption. Just as Keiko is about to land a peck, the neighborhood watch committee announces a heat and fire warning, startling Keiko out of her thoughts about Yusuke's "beautiful face." (There's another gender reversal for ya.) She gasps at her almost-action, conveniently remembers that her mom wanted her to do some shopping, and hightails it out of there before embarrassment can really kill them both. 

So she runs off for food... in a sweater? The outfit is cute and all, but I wonder what the animators were thinking, putting Keiko in a puffy pullover during an episode all about a heat wave. 

It's about at this point that the plot goes from cute romance to absolutely buck wild. The fires the neighborhood watch committee mentioned are not, in fact, due to the overwhelming heat, but an arsonist that's going around tossing molotov cocktails through open windows. Why is he doing such a thing? I don't know. Arsonists be doing arson, I guess. The important bit is that Yusuke's place is his next target, considering that Atsuko forgot to lock the windows when she went out. Within seconds all that garbage is set ablaze, quite obviously putting Yusuke's resurrection chances at an all time low. 

"Wake up, stupid!" he shouts at his unconscious body. Mood, Yusuke. That's me every morning. 

So this is a full scale emergency now and everyone is scrambling trying to think of something to do. Yusuke comes up with the idea to possess himself like he did Kuwabara — nice attempt at a loophole there — but since it would technically count as his resurrection, no dice. Botan decides to go get Kuwabara himself, even though he's too far away to do anything. It's still worth a shot. Sayaka, meanwhile, watches all this unfold with a somewhat clinical detachment. She's not quite indifferent and she's definitely not cruel... she’s just not as emotionally invested in this as the other two. Which not only re-emphasizes her purpose here, as an observer judging Yusuke, but also highlights the bond Botan is forming with him. As mentioned before in regards to her hanging out with Yusuke rather than ferrying souls, Botan is well past someone assisting Yusuke simply because it's a part of her job. He's her friend. 

We get some shots of the growing fire which includes a hazy texture to the animation I quite like and then we cut to Keiko several blocks away, shopping bag in hand. Word of the new fire spreads, with one bystander mentioning that it's the twelfth today. 

"This is eerie.” 

“Yeah, I can’t help feeling we’re under attack.”

That's because you are! Someone stop that man! 

Sadly, I don't think the arsonist is mentioned again, let alone captured. We'll just have to relegate that to my incredibly niche fic wishlist. 

Keiko also overhears that the latest fire is on fourth avenue, which of course is where Yusuke lives. Recognizing that he might be in trouble, she takes off at a run. 

Meanwhile, Botan finds Kuwabara practicing his kicks against a Yusuke dummy. Amazing resemblance, right? 

Watching for the purpose of recapping, I'm picking up on a lot of details in the animation I quite enjoy. I don't think anyone would claim that YYH, at this point in time, has the most impressive or flashy animation (the fight scenes later are another matter entirely), but there's a clear love for the product that shines through. The scared expression on Kuwabara's dummy. His unexpectedly dainty kick, complete with pointed toes. Botan's more translucent coloring to emphasize her supernatural status compared to Kuwabara. There are a lot of nice touches despite the overall simplicity. 

Plus, you can't forget the lovely irony of Kuwabara fighting a defenseless "Yusuke" while the real guy actually lies defenseless amidst a fire. We already know that despite his tough talk, Kuwabara would be horrified to learn that his friend rival had died (again) in such a manner. 

Capitalizing on that transparency, Botan runs a hand through Kuwabara's back to catch his attention. He gets his "tickle feeling" and instinctively looks around towards Yusuke's house, seeing the smoke. "Something tells me I should go that way." Gotta love a guy who drops everything to chase a vague, supernaturally induced hunch. 

As Kuwabara leaves we cut back to Keiko arriving at the house, staring in horror at the blaze. We get an audio flashback to her talk with Yusuke where she promised to take care of his body until he got back. So she tries to run in, only for a couple of the onlookers to snag her, quite correctly keeping her from undergoing a suicide mission. We learn later that Keiko absolutely would have died without Yusuke's sacrifice, so her "You cowards!" is born more of emotion than justified accusations. It's not cowardly to look at the raging inferno in a small apartment and realize that recklessly running in will only result in two dead teens, not one. 

I mean, the flames are already right there, licking the door. Even if Keiko somehow managed to avoid burns, the smoke alone would do her in. Still, Keiko tries to mitigate the damage by dumping a bucket of water over her head. As a kid I remember thinking this was the smartest thing ever. Utterly inspired. Keep that in the back of your mind, kid Clyde, for future reference. As an adult... I have no idea whether this would actually help or not lol. Any firefighters doubling as YYH fans? 

Recklessness and iffy precautions aside, I can't express how much I appreciate the story giving Keiko things to do. Yusuke recognizes that she's the only one with the maturity and open-mindedness to believe in his resurrection. She's the one picking up Atsuko's slack regarding his day-to-day needs. She never hesitates for a moment, heroically throwing herself into this blaze for Yusuke's benefit. Yeah, a lot of that still falls into the emotional/domestic sphere — what we expect of the love interest in a 90s anime — but too often action stories don't have a clue what to do with their non-action characters, not even when it comes to just supporting the fighters. They're simply... there. Keiko, however, isn't window dressing. Whether it's helping Botan survive an upcoming, supernatural plague, or cheering the team on at the Dark Tournament, Keiko is an important part of the story, despite lacking the fighting prowess of the rest of the cast. 

Just as important, this episode establishes a core equality between her and Yusuke. We just watched Keiko reject a (presumably) accomplished guy for him, telling the audience that these surface differences — academics, power levels, popularity, looks — don't matter to them. Yusuke is not Keiko's lesser just because he doesn't have the same scores in Sayaka's book and Keiko won't become Yusuke's lesser just because she doesn't have spiritual power like he does. The only important thing here is that they love each other and they're both willing to sacrifice everything for the other. In the span of about ten minutes, Keiko nearly gives up her life for Yusuke and, in turn, Yusuke gives up his resurrection for her. The level of care they show towards one another is balanced, despite those differences. 

They’re a good ship, y'all. Even if this recapping's got me noticing Yusuke/Kuwabara potential lol. 

To get back to the plot, a drenched Keiko charges into the fire, yelling Yusuke's name for the drama of it because we all know he can't respond. Despite the audience (hopefully) recognizing Keiko and Yusuke's equality, that memo hasn't reached Yusuke yet. "You're a lot more important to this world than I am!" he yells, hammering home that despite everything — knowing he instinctively saved a child, watching his loved ones grieve for him, helping Kuwabara just because he can — Yusuke still, deep down, believes that he doesn't deserve to come back; that he doesn't measure up to those around him. The self-sacrificial nature this insecurity produces shocks Sayaka. She points out that if Keiko doesn't save his body, he's not coming back. "What's the point of being alive if Keiko has to get killed for it?" 

Keiko means more to Yusuke than the rest of his living existence. Jot that down in your notebook, Sayaka! 

Kuwabara arrives and runs into one of his friends who informs him that Keiko just went inside. “Yusuke’s girl? The one we saved from those thugs?”

BOY does that tell us a lot about their rivalry! I mean yeah, we've already established several times over that Kuwabara — just like Yusuke himself — is not the cruel street thug he'd like to present himself as. If these characters actually wanted to hurt each other outside of a martial arts challenge, don't you think Kuwabara would capitalize on the "Yusuke's girl" bit? Everyone seems to know that they have feelings for each other, but Kuwabara never once wields that as ammunition against Yusuke. There are no taunts about him not being good enough. Or rather, I should clarify there are no serious taunts — Kuwabara is well known for his teasing. There's also no attempt to steal Keiko out from under him, the common treatment of the love interest as a "prize" that many stories fall into. Indeed, later this episode YYH will deconstruct this a bit. Yusuke sees Kuwabara grab Keiko's hand and yells that he better not be getting "fresh" with her. But it's purely Yusuke's worries shining through. The audience gets a crystal clear picture of the situation and knows, categorically, that Kuwabara has only the most innocent of intentions in holding Keiko's hand. 

(Well, running from the police isn't innocent, but...) 

I keep getting sidetracked. Plot! Keiko makes it to Yusuke's room and finds that he is already on fire. She then proceeds to try and put it out by patting it with her hands. I take back what I said about Keiko's smarts in this scene. Now we know where that supposed recklessness comes from though. Apparently they're both immune to fire! Nothing to worry about here, folks. 

JK she's actually in danger, despite the animation choices. By this point everyone, including Keiko, realizes that there's no way out: the fire has blocked the door. Sayaka then reveals that there is one way to save her. If Yusuke throws his egg into the fire, the energy of the spirit beast will release and guide her to safety. The catch? Hatch the egg early and it won't complete its intended function of guiding him back to his body. This beast is gonna guide one person and that is it. 

Cue Yusuke's near immediate decision to sacrifice his life for Keiko's. Granted, it's not precisely one life for another. Yusuke's resurrection was always contingent upon the beast not devouring him whole — something Koenma claims would have happened at the end of the episode — meaning that it's not technically a fair trade. Yusuke might have sacrificed Keiko's life for his own... only to fail to get that life back anyway. (There's a tragedy for ya.) To say nothing of how Yusuke is currently dead and has been for at least a couple of days, whereas Keiko very much is not. There's some sort of philosophical discussion there about potential being pit against current reality. 

BUT that's not the point! The emotional point is that he sacrificed his life for hers — the potential of his resurrection, the potential of that life he might have led — all technicalities aside. And I, for one, think that's very neat of him. 

A blue light shines as the egg's energy is released, providing a lovely contrast to the fire surrounding them. A path forms to the door and Keiko, recognizing Yusuke's presence, follows it. "We'll make it, Yusuke," Keiko says, which is one hell of a sucker-punch now that we know she's just carrying a corpse. Unbeknownst to Keiko, Yusuke is very much not making it. That's the only reason why she is. 

Kuwabara appears to help them the rest of the way which is also a pretty awesome thing considering that, from everyone else's perspective, the fire is still raging and blocking the door. Despite his spiritual awareness, Kuwabara gives no indication that he noticed this strange light, or Yusuke's hand in the rescue. Which basically means he lunged into a bunch of deadly fire for Keiko and doesn't question how in the world he isn't burned. 

Keiko's hands are fine, Kuwabara's whole body is fine... fire immunity must run in the friend group! 

Yusuke has another rare moment of vulnerability — "They're both okay" — and I cackle happily at the "both" because see. You love Kuwabara too, Yusuke! All this bluster about hating him and finding him annoying. The second he rushed into that fire you were crawling up the walls. 

Except then that happiness gives way to something that sounds a little more shocked. Devastated. "Well, I sure am... relieved..." Kudos to Cook's voice acting. You can hear the exact moment Yusuke realizes what he's done. Not that he regrets it, but the consequences are finally sinking in. He's relieved that they're safe, yes, but now he's never going to be able to rejoin them. 

As Yusuke has an(other) existential crisis, Kuwabara peels back the blanket Keiko had wrapped Yusuke in, revealing his face. “What are you doing with Yusuke’s body?! Are you some type of sick grave robber?” he shouts. God I love when a story actually keeps track of who knows what. Kuwabara, for all his recent involvement in the plot, doesn't actually know what's going on. From his perspective Yusuke died, he made a scene at the wake, he saved "his girl" from a bunch of thugs, lost a huge chunk of time only to wake up with her randomly hugging him (then slapping him), participated in a bet with his awful teacher and had a couple weird, Yusuke related dreams while studying, and has felt the presence of ghosts perhaps a little more frequently than usual. Now he's trying to help save Keiko from a fire only for her to reveal she risked her own life for Yusuke's body. Of course he's freaking out! What's she doing with that? 

What's utterly fantastic though is that Kuwabara takes all of five seconds to process this and then enters immediate Ride or Die mode for Keiko. She's been hoarding Yusuke's body for undetermined reasons? Well, who is he to judge? The important thing here is that people are arrested for keeping bodies, so they've gotta skedaddle before the firefighters show up. 

Hence, hand-holding and avoiding arrest. 

As Yusuke starts threatening Kuwabara not to get "fresh" with her, Botan sadly reminds him that he no longer has a say in who Keiko does or does not fall in love with. The switch in tone is jarring. Whereas before Botan would have teased him mercilessly for the crush, now she knows that nothing can come of that — and it would be cruel not to remind Yusuke of that too. 

"Oh no. I didn't think..." Yusuke whispers, further establishing that he knew the risks of using his egg, but hadn't allowed them to sink in yet. Now they have. 

He gives a fake little laugh with, "Just when it was getting good" and I cry at the development in the span of just four episodes. Despite what I said at the beginning about the show resetting each week, there has been a lot of change thus far. Yusuke wants to live now! He wants to be there for Keiko! He looks down on his tiny family and screams at the unfairness of it all! They're talking about how they can't wait for him to come back and now that's never gonna happen!!

It hurts, friends. It hurts a whole lot. 

During this conversation between Keiko, Atsuko, and Kuwabara, we see that a couple of hours have passed (it's nighttime now, the fire is out) and Atsuko is apologizing for putting them all in danger like that. And by that I mean yes, she does technically apologize with an "I'm sorry" and everything, but it's also a one sentence apology pit against... well, near death for the three people standing (and sitting) before her. Atsuko seems just as concerned by Keiko losing her hair as she does Keiko nearly burning to death and she kneels by Yusuke's wheelchair, baby-talking to him about how he forgives her, right? I love Atsuko, she's great, but objectively speaking she is not a good mother. Not right now, anyway. 

Oh yeah, and just to reiterate that: Keiko's hands are fine after patting down Yusuke's on-fire body, but her hair, which I'm pretty sure never catches, has to be cut short. Ah, anime logic. Funny thing is, YYH isn't the only story to take the love interest and give her a cool, short cut thanks to a traumatic event. Anyone read Ranma 1/2? 

During this conversation we also learn that, sometime between the fire and now, Keiko filled Kuwabara in on everything that's happening with Yusuke. Makes sense. He kneels beside the wheelchair, joining the others in telling Yusuke that they'll wait patiently for his return. Yusuke, above them, continues yelling about how they're waiting on a dead man. 

“It can’t be helped. He made this decision on his own." 

Except it can, in fact, be helped!

Just as all hope is truly lost, Koenma appears and announces that Yusuke will be returned to life. Why? Because sacrificing his egg for Keiko is a better indicator of his worth than the egg itself could have been. Despite feeding on his negative outlook and heading towards biting Yusuke's head off — something the animation backs up by showing us teeth during the fire

— Yusuke's act demonstrates a tendency towards being a "decent human being" that is "so rare." Wow. That's depressing. Still, yay that Yusuke has those qualities! And this, to my mind, helps explain Sayaka's presence. Koenma recognized that judging Yusuke couldn't be left to the egg alone and indeed, Sayaka took note of his worth before he ever threw the egg into the fire. First it was questioning why someone as amazing as Keiko would go for him, then it was solidified through the shock of Yusuke announcing that coming back to life was meaningless if she wasn't in it. Even if Keiko had somehow, miraculously escaped the fire before Yusuke's sacrifice, I bet Sayaka's report would have tipped him in resurrection's favor anyway. 

Everyone is, of course, overjoyed and my heart swells at the intense gratitude Yusuke displays. My favorite part though is when Koenma cryptically says that “Your added experience with death could make you very useful" (a nod towards future events that goes right over Yusuke's head) and his response to this is a yelled, "YOU THINK I'M USEFUL?" This poor kid. The God of everything ever is chucking out revelations left and right, about resurrections and spirit beasts, but the only thing that really penetrates is the realization that someone thinks he's useful. Talk about relatable. 

You know, I've been thinking about why this moment works so well. I mean, there are a lot of other stories where undermining the consequences our hero faces — either with humor, or by erasing them completely — can feel like the audience was cheated. I think YYH dodged that with a couple of crucial factors. First, Yusuke's consequence isn't something new that he's now avoided, it's just a permanent extension of something he was already dealing with. We did get to watch him inhabit the space between life and death, grappling with whether he'd ever be able to return. The story didn't deny us that growth, it just confirmed something we all instinctively knew: this tale won't end here with Yusuke permanently going to some afterlife. Second, the Deus ex Machina fix doesn't happen too soon. Yeah, it's only a couple of minutes in a single episode, but we (and Yusuke) still get to sit with that outcome for a while, soaking it in before its removal. Finally, there's no doubt that Yusuke earned this reprieve. Koenma's timing might be sudden and (if you're not genre savvy) unexpected, but looking back at the series as a whole thus far, we're able to agree absolutely that Yusuke deserves this. Far from feeling like we were cheated, this solution invites just as much celebration as we're seeing on screen, for the simple reason that we can buy into Koenma's reasoning. We know now that Yusuke is a good person. We saw him selflessly sacrifice his future for Keiko. We agree that he deserves a second chance. 

Thus, the episode ends with Yusuke flying up to fill the screen in his joy, a far better, final shot than Harry Potter and The Prison of Azkaban managed 😰

And that's it for Episode 4, folks! See you later for Episode 5 💕

[corpsebrigadier]

Wiegraf/Zalbag for the OTP meme: 4), 9), 14), 22), 27), 28)

As with pretty much every FFT ship somebody might have asked for, I get to delight in imagining these two losers in some sort of AU in which they end up in a semi-functional relationship instead of the hate-fueled hookups typical of my fanfic or the complete absence of interaction typical of canon. Things are probably a touch OOC insofar as the whole set up is a touch OOC, but this is not a meme designed to delve into my deep dark gritty thoughts on my tragic pixelman OTPs.

Dorktastic replies under the cut.

4) Who likes to walk around the house naked and who tells the other to go put some clothes on?

Wiegraf probably didn't lounge around naked all that much until Zalbag asked him not to on one odd occasion, at which point he worked to become more frequently and aggressively naked in Zalbag's proximity. If Zalbag is walking around naked, it is because Wiegraf has decided to "borrow" his clothing.

9) Who wakes the other up in the middle of the night to tell them a cool dream they had? Who has the most nightmares, and who sings them back to sleep after?

Both of them have nightmares with enough frequency that keeping score doesn't really matter. Neither of them can sing anything remotely soothing (see also 28), but they both occasionally try to be reassuring instead of attempting to smother the other with a pillow. Zalbag is more likely to recount a weird dream--especially if it seems meaningful or portentous. Wiegraf usually replies with something that conveys the basic sentiment of "That's fucked."

14) Who starts the hand holding? Who grabs the others butt? Who slides their arm around their waist? Who likes to put their fingers in the belt loops?

This is Wiegraf. All these things are Wiegraf. Wiegraf is here for the entire spectrum of physical displays of affection: from chaste handholding to lascivious fondling to intimate stabbing. Zalbag, when he does hold hands, however, holds them intensely.

22) Who is super bad at sexting? and who sends them encouraging messages throughout the day?

In a modern AU where they have access to phones, Zalbag is predictably horrible at sexting. But consider, in cellphoneless FFT-era Ivalice, whoever has the most resources to pay couriers and buy vellum gains an edge in the practice of sending titillating messages to a partner over a distance. While Wiegraf does create a great quantity of hastily scrawled missives telling Zalbag to choke on a dick, they aren't particularly high quality productions, the dicks on them aren't very artfully drawn, and they're not too different from the messages he'd like to send to the many noblemen with whom he's not in a relationship. Zalbag, on the other hand, can commission an illuminated manuscript on the perils of carnality and instruct one of the monks to use Ser Folles likeness for the sinners in particular passages. He can then have it delivered as all under the guise of perfect (albeit passive aggressive) piety.

When it comes to encouragement, Wiegraf sometimes adds a "fondest regards" or "hope you're doing well" before the dick drawing.

27) Who orders take out at two in a morning? and who wakes the other up at three in the morning to go downstairs with them to get a glass of water because it’s too dark?

If Wiegraf has some presumed access to Beoulve level funds, he is never eating damned bean broth again, and he certainly isn't cooking anything himself. Rolling to some tavern in Gallione at 2:00 AM to pick up a pound of rotisserie chocobo is a task he takes on gleefully.

He is also the party who wakes his partner up to help him get water, as A) he is much more likely to be completely wasted at 3:00 AM (and hence responsibly seeking hydration) and B) Zalbag is far more dexterous than he is even when he's sober, having spent a lifetime learning not to trip over his cape.

28) Who writes poems/stories and love songs about the other? Do they sing the songs the write for them?

Zalbag is not terribly inventive, but he occasionally mentions that something (a passage, a poem, a prayer) reminds him of Wiegraf in some way, at which point they both awkwardly try to ignore that he said anything. Wiegraf is actually fairly eloquent, but anything poetic he may write about Zalbag is something Zalbag is unlikely to ever see (unless it is an incredibly poetic riff on "choke on a dick"). There also exists some vulgar song the Dead Men wrote about Zalbag at some point and precisely what sort of bag he is and what he's full of. Wiegraf sings this to him happily, adding progressively more insulting verses as he deems appropriate.