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ksfoxwald · 1 year

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Wheel of Time - Thoughts and Spoilers

Not quite caught up on Wheel of Time, but my thoughts through episode 3:

The Seanchan design is so extra and it's absolutely perfect

Uno was... not enough of a fan favorite I guess? tbh I don't have strong opinions on him, and he's kind of one of those characters that didn't really have any relevance past book 2 but RJ kept writing obligatory scenes with him bc that man did not know how to just let characters go, so it's probably best to have him go out with a bang and be unambiguously dead in a very dramatic way.

I'm glad they did let him say "fuck" before he died, though, having a character whose only personality trait is that he swears all the time in a world where the worst swear is "bloody" is weaksauce.

Elayne is such a delightfully earnest but not in touch at all princess, I love it, it's like the perfect balance of clearly privileged but still honorable without being all "not like Other Nobles."

actually all the characters' personalities pop more in the show, like RJ never really gave his characters more personality than Stoic Man and Scheming Woman; and when he tried it was just a sort of weak, washed out personality. In hindsight I honestly don't know why I liked those books so much. I think some of it was because the world was so vast and the characters were so bland it was easy to insert your own thoughts into it.

the fake out with the Arches was so good! like it honestly caught me by surprise, thinking this was just another alteration the show made. I kind of thought Egwene was going to activate her dream magic and rescue Nynaeve, but I guess it did follow the book fairly closely after all, just with more drama.

speaking of dream magic, I like the way they seem to be playing Perrin's wolf-dream powers more as visions overlaying the real world instead of extended dream sequences, which also seems like it's easier from a production standpoint but also makes the wolf magic feel more grounded.

and speaking of Aes Sedai ceremonies, I appreciate the lack of gratuitous female nudity. In fact they seem to have upped the gratuitous male nudity quite a bit. The women and queers took over that world and made it their own and I love it

Just, the casual way that the showrunners decided that queer people exist, and also that people fuck without being weird and repressed about it is so refreshing.

speaking of weird repressed sexuality, the design for the Seanchan channeler whatsits is so much more creepy and so much less fetish-y than the books and I love it. (I do also wonder if from a cinematography pov it was decided it was too difficult to have people on leashes and get good camera angles)

Rand in the psych ward was a good touch, it was so nice to see him actually doing things instead of sitting around angsting, and being kind and caring and having a personality, even if there was an ulterior motive. Also having him meet Logain this early instead of waiting twelve books was an excellent choice because I spent those twelve books frothing at the mouth wondering when the two were going to meet; the setup with the scene in the cage and the actual payoff of them meeting for the first time in the books was such a letdown, this was so much more dramatic and fulfilling.

not having Logain at the White Tower is going to make the attack on the white Tower interesting, though. And Min also left. Maybe they'll wind up back there somehow? Because I did like that awkward little travel party. And it throws off my trans channeler fic that I may or may not actually have written down somewhere, but oh well.

I like show!Min a lot, she's a lot sharper and more bitter than book!Min, but she also has even more lesbian energy than RJ's Only Woman In The World Who Wears Pants (Gasp!) and I don't see her pairing well with Rand. But also Rand hasn't actually met any of his love interests, so I'm curious to see how the show decides to play it. Maybe they'll lean into the polycule aspect and have the girls get together with each other too? They do seem to be foreshadowing that (hello Alanna)

Wheel of Time Books: you know that Alanna...has two Warders... two men at her beck and call... if you know what I mean ;)... haha no of course they don't... unless ;) Wheel of Time Show: they fuck. they're fucking. they have bisexual fucking threesomes all the fucking time and they're so fucking horny in front of everyone and we fucking love it. And they bring her snacks.

I kind of wanted to see Mat beat up Galad, but maybe they'll work that in later.

#wheel of time #wheel of time amazon #wot spoilers

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youturningintodust · 9 months

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I will never not be baffled and disappointed that even in a chat group entirely centered around talking about Xena: Warrior Princess -- and one that billed itself as "the gay subtext one" that mocked "maintexter homophobia", even --

I still faced negativity for:

being transmasc/genderqueer and not hiding it

rejecting/gently mocking the idea of my having a hetero relationship with a cis man, basically mildly showing my homosexuality rather than being a full bisexual

as an extension of 2 -- being uncomfortable with male main characters (i.e. Joxer) continually sexually harassing female main characters. talking about it. (everyone else tolerated this and froze out my comments. in a fandom for a lesbian-couple-centered show?!)

Most members of the group were bi cis women, gender-conforming and while there was one who was nice and normal towards me, the rest just went silent and got weird whenever either of the above were just like... Not hidden. Not stifled.

I remember one or two talked about being in a hetero marriage with a cis straight man, and that that was their "only exception" and if they were single again tomorrow -- that they wished they were with women.

One of the Big Names there, in a "TMI" convo, admitted that she only felt comfortable talking to women when she was drunk, and barely even then. She also referenced "fucking (women) through men in a threesome", which to me those two put together shows strong fear of doing things that people like me (fully gay, butch, masculine to the point of trans) are known for doing: using a strapon to fuck your female partner yourself. Of course someone who secretly desires to do this would have that kink, if they were frightened to even talk to women.

Essentially, half the discomfort was deep jealousy. Because they did not have the bravery to live the life I was living. The repression there was SO REAL.

It also taught me how much fandom is an expression for painfully awkward, self-closeting women. (i.e. not forced to be, by abuse or shariah law or something.) One would say things randomly like "omg they're so gay" and I thought it was just fangirling. Later, she said that that was code for "I felt horny when I wrote that". This explains soooooo much about how online fandom works to me that I just didn't pick up on before. I was always feeling more of a nonsexual, sentimental, romantic emotion or just...general enthusiasm for the story's gay writing or whatever. Not something sexual.

Just. So many layers to that scene. Makes me glad I'm not a part of it.

But sad that it didn't work out in the end.

Right before I ended up leaving, a member joined whom I remembered from an older chat group. She would predate on the teens in the group, asking highly personal questions, preying whenever someone said something about their IRL that sounded sad (zeroing in on them at that moment and asking a lot about it). Like. Abuser behavior. She was in her 40s-50s, original era X:WP fandom. I almost publicly called her out, but my rep was already in the trash for just...being transmasc. So again I felt that I couldn't.

Just a shame. A literally lesbian-populated fandom that couldn't survive without it, for a show with multiple trans actresses in it and one actual trans episode, which embraces cis women characters' masculine side and puts it on proud display... which embraces their homosexuality (for Gabrielle) and bisexuality with a strong gay lean (for Xena).... Shouldn't be the place where this kind of shit is allowed to fly.

There was just so much petty, high-school-girl behavior and energy, too. Not possible to have direct conversations, seen as rude if you tried, meanwhile they were all headfucky and game-playing.

No place for a stereotypically blunt butch that likes healthy, direct discussions about life, fictional themes, and keepin' it real. Too below-the-surface, catty, etc.

Just. Ugh.

#personal #no reblogs #fandom #reasons why i have outgrown fandom as a whole for the absolute most part and don't intend to go back #the same dynamics exist irl. which is also exactly why i don't need them online thank you very much.#we already always have to deal with this shit in life in general. why would i put myself through more of that. fuck off with that.

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nowis-scales · 1 year

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After finishing Blood-Splattered Child you should post a behind the scenes with all your struggles writing it and call it Blood-Splattered Writer😂

Oh my goodness, can you imagine? It would contain such wonderful segments as:

• Yes internal critic, I know you think Ryoma is out of character here, but that’s because he tends to repress his emotions, and the whole point of this fic is to make him stop doing that

• Haha you thought this was therapy JUST for Ryoma? No, whole Hoshido family, figure out your issues

• Oh my god wait this research site says the attachment type that best matches Ryoma’s isn’t all that likely for him?

• Ah great now I’ve gotta make Ikona more of a dick for realism

• WAIT A MINUTE that attachment style is most likely to happen in a situation where the parents inconsistently respond to the child!! Why is Camilla an anxious attachment style? She’s the one who should be disorganized! Poor Ryoma. His more likely attachment style is only considered sexy on Camilla but not on him. No “I can fix him energy” for you

• Anyway yeah Ikona still has to be worse, but this just proves that the writers didn’t do their research… which I guess at the very least doesn’t disprove my pitch here so crisis averted!

• If we want to go by Fire Emblem’s “medieval” shtick I’ve technically pulled Japan’s (Hoshido’s) attempted colonization of Korea (Seonbi) like waaaay too early considering I literally watched propaganda films they made, but… it’s still the Meiji era so fuck it, it counts, it’s an inspiration anyway

• Oh okay if I want to write some of these symptoms Ryoma would probably need an ex… I guess I have to make up a girlfriend for hi- WAIT. Akitomo is born.

• Aw shit, I shouldn’t’ve done friends to lovers with Ryotomo, now I’m attached to them as a couple and they’ve already broken up

• Alright and now I am going to write some of Ryoma’s insecurities and- whoops, that’s Takumi

• How do I write Ryoma and Hinoka close enough that she’s got some more insight than the others, but not so close that people start misconstruing their close relationship and telling me they don’t want to see either of them get with Camilla or Ryoma get with Felicia, and instead want to see them get with each other

• How do I get around having to research Meiji-era Japanese toilets for this scene?

• Spoiler alert: I did not get around researching Meiji-era Japanese toilets

• I need to think about balancing how often Ryoma’s problems are solved by his own volition and how often he is guided by the lesbians

• God, needing characters to come in and out from other countries is so annoying. Why’s everything gotta take so long? Can I use the Water Travel for the Vallites at least? Please?

• I am not writing Sumeragi close to how he canonically was, I’m just a child who was blessed with a great dad, so my reflex now when presented with this figure that is ambiguously a good dad is just to make a guy similar to my dad

• Oh fuck someone asked me why I made a particular choice and I can think of why I made it, but it needs evidentiary support, but I can’t find the evidentiary support anymore, goddammit!

• Oh god I almost implied that Ryoma and Felicia were already married by referencing the scene from their S-support where he makes the riceball for her during a platonic scene

• I need to stop putting my emotional intelligence onto Ryoma. He does not have that. It may be one of my strong points but it is not his

• Actually I need to stop doing this with the entire Hoshido family, they can’t all be emotionally intelligent but still have this many issues

… And that’s probably only the twenty I could come up with lol. If we tack on the actual personal life stuff that has happened while I’ve written it, then it could go on for much longer

#miscellaneous blood-splattered child content #unsuspecting-person asks

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freddiekluger · 4 years

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Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit.

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad?

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on).

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans.

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious.

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive.

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman.

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend????

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t.

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

#i subluxed all my fingers and wrists doing this but worth it #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts headcanon #bbc ghosts analysis #the captain #caphavers #the captain x havers #ben willbond #lgbt representation #lgbt rep #queer media #lgbt media

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kaizokuou-ni-naru · 4 years

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Hello, how are you? I hope you're doing well! I've got a question: do you headcanon any characters as LGBT+? Sorry if this is a weird question, I was just curious and thought it might be fun haha

first of all i’m positive that none of the strawhats are cishet their chaotic queer found family energy is FAR too strong but i only have specific headcanons for the east blue crew and they are as follows

luffy: aroace as HELL

nami: lesbian,, like holy shit she’s so gay. weak to the gazes of marine women. wants kalifa to be her secretary. nothing more needs said

zoro: gay also. he and nami are wlw/mlm solidarity

sanji: bi but like super repressed about it. somebody get him therapy. probably also has some gender stuff going on but like, one thing at a time

usopp: also bi

#ive alluded to or mentioned some of these in previous posts #shocked it took me so long to make a proper post hahahaha #ive also got a fanfic wip about this shhh #need to finish that #one piece #not japanese #jonny answers #strawhats #luffy #nami #zoro #sanji #usopp

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whentherewerebicycles · 4 years

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I was in an a cappella group in college, and at my university if you were in the ~performing arts~ it was 90% of your social life. my group spent SO MUCH time together at school, and then lived with each other 24/7 while we were on tour together over winter, spring, and summer breaks. there was this one guy in my group who was a bit younger than me who I always thought was fine? we weren’t that close but there were only 17 of us and we lived out of each other’s pockets & all got shitfaced together twice a week or so, so like, I knew him pretty well. and I remember I always kind of felt for him because he was a recently out gay dude from a conservative family and I was a closeted lesbian also from a pretty conservative background and it was one of those things where you’re like ah yes your weird fucked-up internalized self-loathing resonates with my weird fucked-up internalized self-loathing! I hope we both get out of our early 20s and to a place where we despise ourselves just a tiny tiny bit less! also we were both writers who got humanities degrees & then went on to do doctoral work in the humanities, so in a way, similar intellectual trajectories too.

anyway I mention this because, if we fast-forward to the present, he has become a white supremacist neo-fascist with a large twitter following, whom other neo-fascists describe like this:

(the New Right... young, energetic youth with good character and strong moral fiber... love their country... like jesus, come on, just call him a Hitler Youth and go.)

anyway I think about this guy a lot because my other college friends and I talk a lot trying to figure out like... was he always like this and just repressing it in our presence? was he harboring fascist tendencies all those years or did something change after we knew him? (I don’t use the word “fascist” glibly here—it’s what he is.) I have no idea and I find it extraordinarily disturbing to think about!!

the other piece of it I think about a lot is like... we were both white gays from a certain type of social and political world, and in our late teens/early 20s we both had a lot of emotional rot inside of us. but man oh man I prefer what I did with mine to what he did with his. it’s clear that he decided the way to alleviate his culturally-induced queer self-loathing was to refashion himself so as to make that culture love him. which meant wholly adopting and internalizing its values—just, like, absorbing into himself all the ugliest and most hateful parts of it, and deciding that instead of saying “maybe it’s wrong to hate people who don’t align with the dominant culture’s norms” he was going to perform that hatred even more vocally & eloquently & viciously towards an even broader swath of people. he chose to carve out a space for himself in that culture by committing his energy and intelligence to making the world shittier and more dangerous for literally everyone else. man! get fucked, spencer.

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strangeandforlornbooks · 4 years

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best books with morally ambiguous narrators!

all y’all’s problematic faves and villains! :) also included are third person narrators but in books with morally ambiguous leads/themes

Sci-fi

Scythe by Neal Shusterman: in a future free from pain, disease, and war, people can live forever. ‘scythes’ are given the power to decide who lives and who dies to preserve the balance. sad and kinda gives of hunger games vibes, if you like that.

Neuromancer by William Gibson: basically invented the cyberpunk genre. strange and removed protagonists. (a team of computer hackers have to face off against an evil AI). you kind of dislike everyone and suddenly you’re crying over them. one of those trippy sci-fi classics.

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut: very beautiful and very very sad (same author as slaughterhouse five). the richest man in america has to face a martian invasion. more about free will and bad people doing good things than a plot that makes any kind of sense.

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick: set in an alternate universe where the germans and japanese won world war two. not really like the tv show at all- it’s not an action story, and there’s not really the hope to somehow fix the world that drives a lot of dystopia stories. instead its about how people survive and connect to one another in a hopeless society.

The Scorpion Rules by Erin Bow: a supercomputer convinces the leaders of the world to keep the peace for hundreds of years by taking their children hostage and obliterating any city that disobeys. what happens to the hostage protagonists when war seems inevitable? lots of morally fraught decisions and characters slowly losing their identity. (plus a fun lesbian romance)

Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson: a brilliant mathematician and a dedicated marine fight to keep the ultra secret in world war two. fifty years later, a tech company discovers what remains of their story. one of the most memorable sequences in the book is a japanese soldier slowly becoming disillusioned with his nation and horrified by the war even as he continues to fight.

Blade Runner by Philip K. Dick: another one of those sci-fi classics that’s not at all like the movie. there is a bounty hunter for robots, though, as well as a weird religion that probably is referencing catholicism and a decaying society with a shortage of pets. kind of a trip.

Wilder Girls by Rory Power: girls trapped in a boarding school on an isolated island must face a creeping rot that affects the animals and plants on the island as well as their own bodies. the protagonists will do anything to survive and keep each other safe. very tense (and bonus lesbian romance whoo)

The Fifth Season by N K Jemisin: three women are gifted with the ability to control the earth’s energy in a world where those who can do so are forced into hiding or slavery. some veryyyy dark choices here but lots of strong female characters.

Historical Fiction

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters: two victorian lesbians fall in love as they plot to betray each other in horrific ways. lots of plot twists, plucky thieves, gothic settings, and a great romance.

Quo Vadis by Henryk Sienkiwicz: a powerful roman soldier in the time of Nero plots to kidnap a young woman after he falls in love with her, only to learn more about the mysterious christian religion she follows. very melodramatic but some terrific prose.

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr: a blind girl in France and a brilliant German boy recruited by the military struggle through the chaos of the second world war. ends with a bang (iykyk.) very sad, reads like poetry.

Boxers by Gene Luen Yang: graphic novel reveals the story of a young boy fighting in the boxer rebellion in early twentieth century china. the sequel, saints, is also excellent. beautifully and sympathetically shows the protagonist’s descent into evil- the reader really understands each step along the way.

Fantasy

Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake: three triplets separated at birth, each with their own magical powers, have to fight to the death to gain the throne. lots of fun honestly

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo: everyone in these books is highly problematic but you love them all anyway. a ragtag game of criminals plan a heist on a magical fortress. some terrific tragic back stories, repressed feelings, and revenge schemes.

The Dark Tower series by Stephen King: idk how to describe these frankly but if you can put up with King’s appalling writing of female characters they’re pretty interesting. fantasy epic about saving the world/universe, sort of. cowboys and prophecies and overlapping dimensions and drug addicts galore.

The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud: lots of fun! a twelve year old decides to summon a demon for his cute lil revenge scheme. sarcastic demon narrator. lighthearted until s*** gets real suddenly.

Elegy and Swansong by Vale Aida: fantasy epic with machiavellian lesbians and enemies to lovers to enemies to ??? to lovers. charming and exciting and lovely characters.

The False Prince by Jennifer Nielsen: an orphan boy must compete with a few others for the chance to impersonate a dead prince. really dark but very tense and exciting and good twists.

The Grace of Kings by Ken Liu: fantasy epic. heroes overthrow an evil empire and then struggle as the revolution dissolves into warring factions. interesting world building and three dimensional characters, even if they only have a small part.

Circe by Madeline Miller: the story behind the witch who turns men into pigs in the odyssey. madeline miller really said, i just used my classics degree to write a beautiful gay love story and now im going to write a powerful feminist retelling because i can. queen. an amazing and satisfying book that kills me a lil bit because of the two lines referencing the song of achilles.

Heartless by Marissa Meyer: the tragic backstory for the queen of hearts in alice in wonderland. a little predictable but very fun with a compelling protagonist

A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) by George RR Martin: ok I know we all hate GRRM and rightfully so but admittedly these books do have some great characters and great scenes. they deserve better than GRRM though. also he will probably never finish the books anyway....

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket: not really fantasy but not really anything else either. plucky, intelligent, and kind children fight off evil plots for thirteen books until suddenly you realize the world is not nearly as black and white as you thought.

Classics

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier: gothic romance!! a new wife is curious about the mysterious death of her predecessor in a creepy old house in the British countryside...good twists and lovely prose.

A Separate Peace by John Knowles: not really morally ambiguous but one awful decision suddenly has awful consequences and certain people are haunted by guilt forever.... really really really beautiful and really really really sad. boys in a boarding school grow up together under the shadow of world war two.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy: while imperial russia slowly decays a beautiful young woman begins a destructive affair. a long book. very russian. the ending is incredibly tense and well written.

Lord of the Flies by William Golding: I think you know the plot to this one. the prose is better than you remember and the last scene is always exciting.

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie: one by one, the guests on an island are slowly picked off. one of Christie’s darkest mysteries- no happy ending here! very tense and great twists.

Contemporary

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: inspired the whole dark academia aesthetic. college students get a little too into ancient greece and it does not end very well. lovely prose but I found the characters unlikable.

Honorable Mentions

The Dublin Saga by Edward Rutherford: has literally a billion protagonists, but some of them are morally ambiguous ig? follows a few families stories’ from the 400s ad to irish independence in the 20s. beautifully captures the weight and movement of irish history.

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer: how morally ambiguous can you be if you’re, like, eleven? a lot if you’re a criminal genius who wants to kidnap a fairy for your evil-ish plan apparently!

Redemption by Leon Uris: literally my favorite novel ever. the sequel to Trinity but can stand alone. various irish families struggle through the horrors of world war one. the hero isn’t really morally ambiguous, but the main theme of the novel is extremely bad people suddenly questioning their choices and eventually redeeming themselves. sweeping themes of love, screwed up families, redemption, and patriotism.

The Lymond Chronicles and House of Niccolo by Dorothy Dunnett: heroes redeem themselves/try to get rich/try to save their country in early renaissance Europe. if I actually knew what happened in these books I'm sure it would be morally ambiguous but its too confusing for me. in each book you spend at least a third convinced the protagonist is evil, though. lots of exciting sword fights, tragic romances, plot twists, and kicking english butt.

Bonus: Protagonist is less morally ambiguous and more very screwed up and sad all the time

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt: you know this one bc its quoted in all those quote compilations. basically the story of how one horrible event traumatizes a young man and how he develops a connection to a painting. really really really good.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro: hard to describe but strange... not an action novel or a dystopia really but sort of along those lines. very hopeless.

#book recs #morally ambiguous protagonists #dark academia #book recommendations #mine

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horrorbxby · 3 years

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☆ julia rehwald, lesbian, female, she/her ― hey look, it's blossom serrano ! she's twenty years old, she's lived in shrike heights for her whole life, and she's currently working at life rose on. i heard she's pretty officious, but i think she's so resourceful at the same time. can she make it out alive?

∘₊✧ ─ ✧₊∘ ➵ past

☆ blossom spent a lot of her time outdoors as a child, her parents owning a lovely little house on the outskirts of town that was always kept in good condition, with a large garden for her to roam freely. being closer to the woods ands the edge of town, blossom always found herself going on adventures by herself. despite being a happy child, she spent most of her days alone ( or being babysat by her much older cousin, stevie ), which proved to be an issue for her later.

☆ for most of her school years, blossom was highly insecure. with her extroverted nature, she found herself mimicking the people around her in order to fit in - which ended up working a little too well. by her first year of high school, she was already extremely popular, and it stayed that way for years.

☆ blossom met her best friend leaf through her cousin stevie serrano. stevie was best friends with richie wozniak, who was both leaf’s older cousin and babysitter. as the two older cousins spent time together, the younger cousins would play. leaf taught blossom a lot about plants, and it sparked her already growing interest in nature.

☆ in high school, blossom was the first to get into a fight for her best friend, who was bullied in his earlier years. it took blossom’s influence to convince the other teenagers to give the guy a chance. once everyone understood what a great person leaf was, they learned to trust blossom’s judge of character.

☆ because of her insecurities, she found it difficult to be true to herself. with the pressures of being a popular high schooler, being cheer captain, president of multiple school clubs and a brilliant student, she found herself growing more anxious and depressed. when she had come to the realisation that she was a lesbian, she couldn’t help but repress her feelings, which only caused her mental health to worsen.

☆ leaf was the person that she confided in throughout these hard times, as they had known each other for quite a long time. leaf told her that she’s perfect just the way she is, and that she shouldn’t be afraid to be her true self. hearing these words from such an unbiased person made her feel confident enough to let her guard down and be herself.

☆ she was the first openly gay person in the tenth grade that year. it took her classmates time to warm up to the idea. but with leaf’s constant reassurance, she was strong enough to defend herself when she needed to. but eventually, when her classmates realised that blossom hadn’t changed at all, things returned to normal.

☆ applying for life rose on was a breeze, her intelligence, confidence and professional attitude making her an ideal candidate for the job. she loves her job, but longs for more outside of shrike heights.

∘₊✧ ─ ✧₊∘ ➵ personality

☆ blossom is the kind of person who makes you earn her trust and her respect. generally she is respectful, but she has a strong personality and isn’t afraid to stand up for herself if she feels like she’s being treated unfairly.

☆ despite being more comfortable in her own skin, she’s still quite insecure and is prone to bouts of depression and anxiety. she still finds herself trying to match the energy of those around her, but her naturally extroverted nature sometimes shines through.

☆ she’s a ride or die and will commit crimes to enact revenge on someone who has truly wronged you.

☆ she’s very mature for her age in most scenarios, however she can be quite authoritative, especially with those who have more introverted personalities. she likes to take charge.

☆ she’s a huge gossip, feeding anything she’s told back to leaf and to their cousins, who enjoy being a part of the town gossip too.

∘₊✧ ─ ✧₊∘ ➵ misc.

☆ she started high school during marzipan medina’s “scandal”. she was one of the only people alongside leaf who believed her wholeheartedly. during senior prom, leaf and blossom snuck in and carrie’d marzipan’s ex boyfriend with blood and insects.

☆ she lives in an apartment by herself now so that she can feel independent, and finds herself taking more and more shifts so that she can support herself.

☆ she’s small, and is definitely the type of person who doesn’t like to be reminded. ( except for if her love interest is taller than her, because tall women make her weak. )

☆ she's quite sporty and outdoorsy, so she’s a tough lil cookie.

∘₊✧ ─ ✧₊∘ ➵ wanted connections.

☆ blossom serrano is looking for their love interest. they’re utp years old, work at utp, and are said to look like shay mitchell, jameela jamil, shiori kutsuna, utp. you do have to contact me before applying ! ( plz contact me if you have any other face suggestions !! must be sapphic ! i’m also not opposed to older faces, i’m happy to write an age-gap relationship so long as there’s a healthy, equal dynamic !! i'm not too fussed on the personality of her connection as i think she'd work with heaps of personality types, but i also think it'd be sweet if it were someone a little more serious than she is / someone a little older who helps keep her in line when she gets a little carried away ghdkjghkjhvkj. i’m also not opposed to a sugar mama, no hate. )

#☆ blossom serrano #☆ blossom serrano // intro #☆ intro #shrikeintro

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vennycreations · 4 years

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First Picture:

Queen Snow White, King Charming White, and their daughter, Princess Ambrosia White

Ambrosia Blossom White Bio: Ambrosia is kind at heart and only has good intentions, though those intentions can come off as patronizing,she cares deeply for others, but can sometimes get lost in her own world and emotions and not think of others as easy, she loses her empathy very easily About Ambrosia: ~Ambrosia believes her destiny is to rule her kingdom with a strong hand and give new life to it. She believes she will make an amazing Queen. ~She has a serious sweet tooth. It's an addiction. She will eat what she can whenever she can, if it has sugar in it. Though she is one of those girls that just "can't gain any weight cause my metabolism is insaaaane." ~She loves meeting new people and being part of people's lives. She super open and friendly and can be irritatingly bubbly. ~Ambrosia will avoid confrontation like the plague. She hates fighting and despises people not liking her. She doesn't bode well with negative emotions and frankly, she doesn't want to snap. She also greatly despises rude people, but will still attempt to be their friend because that's just the kind of person that Ambrosia is. ~Ambrosia's favorite pastime is singing. ~Ambrosia loves boys... one in particular...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Second Picture:

Queen Aurora Rose, King Phillip Rose, and their daughter, Princess Beloved Rose.

Beloved "Love" Rena Rose Bio: Love is a very fun and funny girl. She enjoys having a good time and being comfortable in your own skin. She thinks girls shouldn't be pressured to wear dresses and froofy clothing and should wear what they wish, hence her baggy sweaters and casual look. About Love: ~Love is a serious night owl and crazy insomniac. She has lot of trouble sleeping so she uses the time for preparing herself for the future. She doesn't think she could handle that kind of pressure of ruling the kingdom. However she underestimates herself in that department ~Yes, she is wearing Heelys. Heelys are the dopest thing ever in her opinion. She never goes anywhere without hers. She also loves skating and is a goddess at it. ~Because of her insomnia, she gets nightly visits from the nocturnal best friend she has named Bane. Bane is a kind soul that she connects with and they both love romance stories. ~Love is also good friends with Topanga and Jinx, and although she thinks Jinx is a bit much, she greatly enjoys their company, especially Topanga. Topanga is so much fun to be around and has an infectious happiness that Love ADORES. ~Love LOVES parties. Please invite her to all of them, she and Topanga will be the life of ANY party ANYWHERE ~According to Sarah, Beloved has the "biggest dick energy" hmmm ~Beloved is loved by all and adored world-wide. She loves knowing people and hates being disliked. She is like Ambrosia in this way. ~Beloved is also second inline, alongside Hope, both watching Ambrosia and Charmant be the spotlights. They both don't mind, but Beloved always feels like the last resort, even behind Hope. She always feels the need to compete with Hope, but she hates it and feels bad for her emotions. ~Beloved is the most prepared in every situation, but this stems from the fear of not being prepared enough and failing at any task she is given. She does not want to fall short in the eyes of her people. ~she can literally pick up any instrument and in a few hours knows exactly how to play it. That’s always her little party trick

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Third Picture:

Queen Cinderella Verre, King Henri Verre, and their children Princess Hope Verre and Charmant Verre

Charmant L'Amour Verre Bio: Charmant is a kind boy, with kind intentions, though his vanity is a big part of his life. He doesn't like to judge people by anything other than true character. About Charmant: ~Charmant cannot wait for the day he becomes the next King. He wants so much to take on the responsibility and show the world what he can do. ~He is very protective of his world and of his family. He knows there is not much he can for his sister to get her to chill, but he knows she can take care of herself just fine. ~Even though he is vain, he has crippling self-worth. He wants to prove to a world that already adores that he can be great because sometimes he truly believes all he is is a pretty face with nothing behind it. He's super depressed... ~He hates having to juggle a bunch of things at once, he's working on that because he knows he will be dealing with ten times what he juggles now as King ~He realizes to be King he has to marry Ambrosia, and frankly, he's ready for that. He can't shake this feeling something is wrong with his decision to marry Ambrosia, but Ambrosia is very cordial and sweet to her future husband, so he tries to ignore that feeling in the back of his mind. ~He loves riding horses. It's like his FAVORITE pastime ~If he's not riding horses, he's working out Hope Maribeth Verre Bio: Hope's goal in life is to protect others. She wants to build a big shield around the kingdom to protect them from everything. She has the biggest heart out of any of the new line of royalty. About Hope: ~Hope is a total butch lesbian ~Hope is an amazing sword fighter and can take her brother anyday and lay him flat on the ground. That being said, her favorite pastime is fencing with her brother for fun. ~Hope is SUUUUPEER competitive ~Hope despises the idea of love, especially the "arranged marriage" kind of love. She doesn't know how her brother can stomach it. ~If Hope feels her hair start to tough her shoulders, she will immediatley chop it off. She hates long hair, it gets in the way when she's working out, training, or sword fighting. ~Hope avoids her own feelings like the plague. She's got some serious issues, but she represses the hell out of them. Real healthy there, Hope. ~Despite not being super girly or liking girly things, she LOVES dresses and thinks they're dope as hell ~Hope is a scaredy cat and can get scared at the drop of a hat, but she hides it pretty well

#disneyprincesses #disney princesses #ever after high remake #disney royalty #disney next generation

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lesbianrobin · 4 years

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is there some weird in joke about nancy being a homophobe or something? i was playing dead by daylight as nancy and someone referred to me as nancy homophobe aljdlf i'm literally a lesbian i don't understand, give me some insight if you have it please

WLCKEKXKSM oh my god okay so.

that was rude of them first of all sorry queen. second of all, yeah it's kind of an inside joke within some parts of the fandom that nancy is homophobic. there are a lot of reasons why it's caught on, which i'll just... lay out, i guess?

she's dismissive and inconsiderate towards her best friend barb, a known lesbian

she's very rude towards robin lesbian buckley when they meet in the mall for no reason

lots of people think jonathan is gay. nancy clearly hates his guts

the wheelers have a reagan sign in their yard

she simply has strong heterosexual homophobic energy in many instances, such as her s1 anemic librarian outfits and s3 perm/dresses/ballet flats (in my own personal opinion!)

like a lot of people think that nancy is a deeply repressed lesbian and i think that crowd has a big overlap with the "nancy is homophobic" joke crowd.

as a gay person it can be kinda fun to just say a fictional character is a homophobe and clown about it because it's a way to like. take this serious thing we deal with in life and make it nonthreatening and fun to joke about yknow? nancy personally reminds me of girls who were homophobic to me in school, so it can be fun to just project that onto her and turn the trauma (strong word but idk what other word to use sorry) into something funny and not serious.

so yeah that's it! nancy being a homophobe is just kind of an in-joke in parts of the st fandom, and i'm sorry that somebody threw that at you in a dbd round with no context!!

#asks #em talks #stranger things #nancy wheeler

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bvnhargreeves · 4 years

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ops on vanya as a character? Despite the whole "whops-i-caused-the-apocalypse" thing

omg thank u for the ask and sorry that this is probably super late but to answer your question: i LOVE vanya! and here is why:

1. she didn’t have a... great childhood. imagine what it would be like if u grew up with siblings who had these awesome powers and you were CONSTANTLY reminded by your senile father that you were completely average! do i condone the book? not really, but again i am not in her situation. so i think her explosion at the end, after thinking all of her family LIED to her and then luther trying to lock her up, was pretty justified for someone in her situation

2. her adult life isn’t great either! in her strings group she is once again constantly reminded that she’s an average violinist. then she FINALLY finds a guy who she really vibes with, and guess what? he only likes her because he wants to get close to her family! also he’s a psychopath! and maybe this is because she’s played by ellen page but i get very strong repressed lesbian energy (represented by her repressed powers) from her and i think that she’s afraid of her sexuality but that’s a whole other subject

3. when vanya is happy, that short little period where she’s first chair and she thinks leonard is good, she’s a sweetheart! she’s silly and is trying to figure out how to act, because for the first time in her life things are going great. i loved when vanya was happy, even though that happiness was built on lies and psychopathy and the death of her father, etc.

yeah i just really like vanya and her character is a good depiction of someone who has gone through serious childhood trauma, whose rage and pent-up frustration manifest in a physical form which literally blows up the world.

also i like ellen page

#the umbrella academy #ask #vanya hargreeves #tua #umbrella academy

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animebw · 4 years

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Binge-Watching: Hanayamata, Episodes 1-3

And so we begin! In which this show’s beauty blows me away, Naru and Hana steal my heart, and I’m left with a big dumb smile on my face.

Blossoms in Moonlight

The very first reaction I had to Hanayamata was, “god damn, this show is gorgeous.” This was also my second reaction to Hanayamata. And my third. And it would continue to be my reaction for much of the episodes to come, because my god, this show is fucking beautiful. The overall aesthetic reminds me of No Game No Life, which makes sense considering this is another 2014 Madhouse show. But whereas No Game No Life pushed its hypersaturation so far it grew difficult to look at without hurting your eyes, Hanayamata exercises just enough restraint for the moments of magic to truly sweep you away. The absolutely stunning dance scene that introduces Naru and Hana, swirling in the cool blue moonlight amid a storm of sparkling pink sakura petals, left me absolutely breathless. And the animation continues to be fantastic throughout; every time the characters stand up and dance, they twirl through space with the fluid grace of swans in motion. Even in the show’s usual slice-of-life gag mode, the comic animation and chibified sprites are snappy and punchy in all the best ways. This entire show is bursting with life and wonder, painted in lush, vibrant pinks and purples, deep, glistening yellows, colors so instantly affecting and cinematography so instantly mesmerizing it’s like sinking into a fairy tale. I could spend all day just soaking in its atmosphere and still come away grinning like an idiot.

Clip Clappers

But this show’s squee-inducing charm doesn’t just come from how damn gorgeous it is. Hanayamata is built from the ground up to put the biggest damn smile on your face possible, and nowhere does it succeed better than with the relationship at its core. Naru’s so crippled by shyness and indecision that she can’t bring herself to pursue her interests out of fear of falling short. The first episode does a great job of clueing you in to all the pressures she’s dealing with, comparing herself negatively to her more motivated friends, her dad unwittingly strengthening her feelings of worthlessness. She’s so scared of living in this world that she dreams of being whisked away by a fairy. And she gets her wish when Hana drops into her life with fireworks exploding all around. Of course, it turns out Hana isn’t actually a spirit, she’s just an American transfer student with an enthusiasm for parkour, but that only makes their encounter all the more magical. Naru doesn’t need to leave this world behind to be as dazzling as the people she looks up to; she can be just as dazzling if she just works the courage to try. Watching Naru open up and accept this possibility to follow her dream was honestly kind of incredible. It’s well-worn ground to be sure, but its rendered in emotions so overwhelming, animation so heart-stopping and music so operatic that it all just fucking works. This is bombastic feel-good melodrama at its best.

And sweet buttery Jesus, Naru and Hana are so fucking cute together. They capture the same charm as Cocona and Papika from Flip Flappers, a shy repressed girl being dragged out of her comfort zone by an impossibly energetic girl from a faraway place. And it’s a testament to how fucking lovable they are that I can make that comparison. Literally every other second they spend together is an explosion of disaster lesbian energy strong enough to power a small continent. Hana promising Naru she’ll come to take her away after their dance. Naru’s consistently on-point blush game (seriously, these are some of the most adorable goddamn blushes I think I’ve ever seen). Her friend Yaya low-key shipping them from the get-go: ”I don’t blame you after all that courting.” Naru’s flustered reactions in preparation of Hana visiting her place for the first time: ”Internet history cleared, check!” Both of them getting embarrassed when they start talking about their mutual desire not to be alone and realize they are in no way prepared to get so deep so quickly. Naru being such a gay goddamn disaster that she wrote a poem about her first dance with Hana and pinned it up on her corkboard. Holy shit, my cheeks are still recovering from that. They even work in some genuine trust between them when Hana realizes she’s been overstepping Naru’s boundaries and backs off, letting Naru approach her on her own terms. So when they do grow closer together and Naru grows more comfortable expressing how much she loves the determination Hana inspires in her, it’s genuinely sweet and earned. And spending time with them makes me so fucking happy as a result.

Dancing Fools

Honestly, though, spending any time with this show is enough to make me happy. There’s a real magic to Hanayamata the kind of instantly absorbing giddiness that puts a smile on your face through sheer, unadulterated wonder. Learning about the yosakoi dance itself is interesting; it’s clear this show has a deep love for the art and wants to make the audience appreciate it as well. All the side characters are lovable too; the scary-looking yakuza who runs the dance store and is actually just an enthusiastic softie is so fucking pure (”Aniki!” “Hana-chi!”), and the beleaguered English teacher is a hoot in her own right. Yaya has a bit more of a pat character arc playing the jealous childhood friend/straight man to Naru and Hana, but even she’s fleshed out in a lot of subtle detail. She’s not just a stubborn nag; she helps run her family’s restaurant, she loves playing in the school’s K-On club (side note, what little we hear of their music is great), and she’s a manga fan as well! She’s got many sides to her, and the show lets us see all of them without spelling them out too much. And that ability to see multiple sides of characters who seem like fairly pat archetypes on their surface extends to Hana and Naru as well. Hana’s impossibly bubbly and energetic, but she has moments when she slows down and reveals she’s still got some sense in her head (”Doing things you like with people you like is double the fun, right?”) Naru’s paralyzed by bashful nervousness, but she can still get impassioned, or determined, or hilariously angry (”I don’t know you anymore!”) This show isn’t just surface level delights; it’s textured and fleshed out with genuine depth, with the promise of even more to come. Here’s hoping the rest of the show fulfills that promise, because if it does, we could be looking at one of the best Cute Girls anime I’ve watched in a very long time.

Odds and Ends

-”Do it again and I’ll arrest you!” ACAB, am I right?

-asdkajsdjashd oh my god you can’t just land on her

-”Comes with a free offer, only today!” who even are you Hana

-Oh my god, that little “eep” was fucking adorable. Whoever’s voicing Naru is doing a great job.

-”This will start rumors!” she’s such a disaster holy fuck

-HANA FOR FUCK’S SAKE YOU GOTTA ASK A GIRL BEFORE YOU EAT HER OUT

-”Japanese Samurai!” This show is fucking ridiculous and I love it

-ksjdhksdhskj the fucking James Bond reference.

-”That night, I saw you in the moonlight-” I LOVE THAT THIS IS A THING THAT EXISTS HOLY FUCK

-”Why do Japanese songs sometimes have English in the lyrics?” Asking the real questions here.

And with that, we’re on our way! This is gonna be a good one, folks. See you next time!

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #hanayamata

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