#the second drawing is very specifically inspired by a doodle i did in school of willow and belos where i labeled them as in-laws | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kaaytea · 3 years

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heyhey !! can i request some hcs of jun, tetsuya, n chris having a very soft but artistic s/o who draws them a lot? and maybe one day they find her sketchbook open n it’s just sketches of them? no pressure if you’re not inspired by this or anything tho n ty !! <33

Sketchy Secrets

⤷Includes: Chris, Jun, Tetsuya

A/n: I'd be more than happy to write this! The 3rd years make me unfathomably soft so I'm going to have a bunch of fun with this! Thank you for requesting and I hope you like it ♥️

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Chris

Chris wouldn't consider himself a very nosy person

He's always respectful of your space and never pries when he can tell you want to keep something private

But nothing has ever tempted him to break that boundary more than the worn notebook you keep on you

It's in your hands constantly and you're so secretive about the item your behavior was bound to garner some curiosity on his end eventually

Nevertheless, Chris fought his inquiring mind out of respect for you and let the contents of the notebook remain a mystery

Chris could definitely appreciate art but he wasn't much of an artist himself, so it was quite the surprise when he opened the notebook he used the keep baseball notes in and be met with a bunch of sketches

Immediately he understood that this must be the oh-so mysterious notebook you've had on you for months. By some miraculous force the two of you seemed to have accidentally swapped notebooks

The damage was done and he already knew what resided in the book so how much worse could it be to give into the hungry curiosity he's been harboring the past few months?

Chris handled the pages with care as he flipped through the book. Most of the pages were filled with what he assumed to be anatomy studies and the occasional silly doodle here and there

When Chris reached the middle of the notebook he noticed a trend in your art begin: All of your sketches were of him

His cheeks were most definitely tinted a soft pink the further he flipped. He was dumbfounded that you found him to be a source of inspiration, he wasn't always a ball of sunshine and rainbows as you've seen him on his worst days

But he found it interesting to look at the conjured up version of how you saw him. It was like he was looking at himself through your eyes

It was then that you barged open his dorm door, hair messy from running and his baseball notebook clung to your chest. He saw the fear flare in your eyes when you spotted the open book in front of him

"D-did you..."

"I looked through it. I'm sorry, you wanted to keep this private and I spoiled that for you."

"So did you see the...uh sketches?"

"I did and I think they're remarkably beautiful, I had no idea you were so talented, love"

A wave of relief crashed into you at his words. You honestly thought he'd think it was creepy you had pages and pages filled with sketches of him

Chris chuckled at your reaction before he stood up and pulled you into a warm embrace where he placed a kiss to the top of your head

Jun

Jun is...a very brash person

He's loud and rambunctious by nature but the man instantly developes a softer side when around you

Seeing the normally boisterous outfielder morph into a far gentler version of himself was quite the sight, and the occurrence had definitely become a topic his friends would make jabs at

Jun never let their teasing remarks bother him much, he enjoyed spending quiet time with you and was more than happy to sit through his friends bad jokes if it meant he could continue hanging around you

Recently though Jun had noticed an odd habit of yours

You stare at him alot. Not in a 'checking your boyfriend out' kind of way but as in blatant staring even if you knew he caught you looking

It was a bit odd in his opinion seeing as you never addressed or hinted at why you actually do stare at him so much

Jun didn't question it, maybe he was just catching while you were spacing out and didn't realize what you were doing

What he didn't know was that he would unintentional find out what was driving this habit of yours only a few weeks after becoming aware of it

He spotted you alone at a table in the schools library one afternoon while searching for some research material he needed for a project

You were sitting with your back to him, leaning heavily on on of your arms. From where he was standing it looked like you had either fell asleep or were zoning out like you often did around him

Jun decided to go "wake" you up, as leaving you there in that state would be defeating your purpose of coming to the library in the first place

Before he could tap your shoulder after approaching your table, his eyes flicked to the book sitting wide open infront of you

More specifically he was watching your hand roughly sketching the outline of a person's hair style

The longer he looked the more he realized that the entirety of the two pages in front of you were drawings of him

Anything from small, quick doodles of him catching a ball or swinging a bat to more detailed sketches of him laughing or reading a book

You must have finally sensed someone looking over your shoulder as you jumped slightly in your seat and quickly turned to find Jun (whose face was beyond flushed might I add)

"This is why you stare at me all the time?!"

"Ah...maybe?"

Despite how embarrassed you both were he still pulled a seat up next to you, gruffly mumbling out how you shouldn't let his presence keep you from your art

He then quietly complimented your artistic skills, sealed with a soft kiss to the back or your hand

Tetsuya

If there is one thing that Yuki Tetsuya loves about your relationship it's the fact that you always pack little bentos for the two of you to share after games

Obviously he loves YOU for many other reasons! But if he were asked what quirk or abnormality he loves the most in your relationship it'd be the bentos

Which he was currently rummaging through your bag for

You usually have a specific spot in your bag for the small containers, a place that would keep the food cool so it wouldn't get spoiled in the Tokyo heat, but Tetsu couldn't seem to find them

Eventually he spotted the familiar teal and green box after shuffling the contents of your bag around a bit

With an accomplished glimmer in his eyes he pulled the bento out from your bag

As he was retrieving the container, said bento caught the corner of a small notebook causing it to tumble out and flop open on the concrete

Tetsuya quickly scooped the book up from the ground fearing that he had gotten it scuffed or dirty, but those worries left as his attention was captured to the contents of the notebook

At first he thought the image was a digital picture you had printed out but the longer he looked the more he picked up on the smudgy finger prints littering the page

And then it clicked for him: You drew this!

Right next to the portrait of him was a smaller doodle of a scene he recognized as your phones lockscreen (a second year version of the two of you happily smiling at eachother, his arm wrapped respectfully around your waist as you struggled to look up at him due to the brim of his Seidou hat blocking your view)

The sketched version looked exactly the same as the real photo! It was beautiful and somehow you had managed to enhance the tender emotions portrayed in the picture

"Tetsuya, did you find the ben- oh.."

"Do you think you could draw a larger version of this? I want to put it on my desk."

You just laughed at his bluntness before giving him a nod in response

A small smile graced his features as he looked from you back to your messy sketch. It wasn't a look you saw very often from him, but that smile made your knees weak as you fell in love with him all over again

#kayquests #takigawa chris yuu x reader #takigawa chris yuu #isashiki jun #isashiki jun x reader #yuki tetsuya #yuki tetsuya x reader #daiya no ace #daiya no ace x reader #ace of the diamond x reader #ace of the diamond #diamond no ace #diamond no ace x reader

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natromanxoff · 3 years

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How prog were Queen?

By Dave Everley

On 9 January, 1971, Kevin Ayers and Genesis played a show together at the Ewell Technical College near Epsom in Surrey. Ayers was 18 months out of Soft Machine, and making a name for himself as a psychedelically-inclined art-folk rake. Genesis had released their second album, Trespass, a few months earlier, and were carving out a place in the vanguard of the burgeoning progressive rock movement.

There was a third band propping up the bill that night, a bunch of transplanted Londoners calling themselves Queen. In contrast to the wilfully artful approach of the headliners, their music was more straightforward: a heavy, if ornate blend of Led Zeppelin’s earthiness and the flights of fancy of Yes.

Not everyone in the small crowd watching them was impressed, but they caught the attention of one person. After the show, Genesis frontman Peter Gabriel pulled Queen’s blond-bombshell drummer Roger Taylor to one side. Gabriel’s band were about to dismiss their own drummer, John Mayhew, and were looking for a replacement. Was Taylor interested in joining Genesis? The reply was instant: thanks but no thanks. Taylor was utterly dedicated to Queen – there were gigs to play, places to go, and many musical adventures to embark on.

Had Taylor accepted the offer, the course of music – and specifically prog – would have been very different. Genesis would have flourished with Gabriel upfront, though whether they would have survived and prospered as they did without a Phil Collins to step into the breach after their talismanic singer’s departure was another matter.

The knock-on effect on Queen would have been greater. Taylor was an essential part of their carefully balanced four-way chemistry; a chemistry that would go on to throw up some of the most ambitious and game-changing music ever recorded. While Queen weren’t a capital ‘P’ prog band, they were infused with the spirit of the movement, combining its forward-looking values with its absolute disregard for the existing rules. Taking their cues from the likes of Yes, Genesis, Van der Graaf Generator and even Pink Floyd, their flamboyantly cavalier approach would go on to inspire such modern masters as Dream Theater, Queensrÿche and Muse. And, in Bohemian Rhapsody, they ensured that one of the biggest-selling singles in history was, at heart, a prog song. Forget the luxuriant moustaches and sawn-off mike-stands that would come to define them: if the prog ethos meant avoiding the expected, then Queen were definitely a prog band.

“Diversity was probably their greatest asset,” says former Dream Theater drummer and confirmed Queen devotee Mike Portnoy. “From song to song, they could be so different. You could have something that was folk followed by something that was rockabilly followed by something that was metal. And that’s one of the biggest things about prog, having that open-mindedness.”

Queen’s schooling in prog came early on. Brian May’s very first band, 1984, played a 4am slot supporting Pink Floyd at the Christmas On Earth Continued all-nighter in 1967. A year later, his next outfit, Smile – also featuring Roger Taylor – played with Floyd again, this time at London’s Imperial College. By the time of their gig opening for Kevin Ayers, Smile had changed their name to Queen and recruited Freddie Mercury. Collectively, they admired Yes, Van der Graaf Generator and especially Genesis. “Foxtrot is a prog rock classic,” Roger Taylor later wrote in the sleevenotes to Genesis box set 1970-1975. “Arrangements were highly complex in these early days, setting a benchmark for the style of the times.”

When it came to finding someone to produce their debut album, Queen’s first choice was John Anthony, who had worked with both Genesis and Van der Graaf. With Anthony and co-producer Roy Thomas Baker behind the desk, the eponymous album trod heavily in Led Zeppelin’s footsteps. But there was another, altogether more visionary band straining to spread their wings: My Fairy King was a filigreed slice of flamboyant rock’n’roll, while Liar metamorphosised through several different time changes and timings.

Those wings were fully unfurled on the follow-up, 1974’s Queen II. The title was the most prosaic thing about the record: the music inside was as fevered and baroque as rock gets, informed equally by Zeppelin, Yes and crazed Victorian artist Richard Dadd, whose 1864 painting The Fairy Feller’s Master-Stroke inspired one of the album’s most prog-leaning tracks. It may have been rooted in the heavy rock of the times, but its cavalier approach and sheer sense of scale pegged Queen as a defiantly progressive proposition.

“Queen weren’t like Yes, who had a dualistic role of guitar and keyboards, where both shared the terrain,” says Yes guitarist Steve Howe, supported by Queen at Kingston Poly in early 1971. “Brian had the terrain to himself. The remarkable thing was that he was the front and the back man. It required him to come up with more than guitar solos… He had to come up with a semi-thematic approach to play the guitar. And what he did was keep colouring.”

Queen’s prog inclinations would be deeply woven into the fabric of their early albums, from the audacious multi-part theatrics of Queen II’s March Of The Black Queen to the schizophrenic attack of the two-part Lap Of The Gods from 1974’s Sheer Heart Attack. Even in their more commercial moments, they marched to the beat of their own drum. What other band would have dared serve up something so unusual as Killer Queen?

“It was their diversity,” says Mike Portnoy, who first heard Queen as an eight-year-old in the mid-70s and covered many Queen songs while in Dream Theater. “Their albums took the prototype that The Beatles laid down with the White Album, where you had four different artists bringing in very different styles. Every song was so diverse. You get to A Night At The Opera, and you had this giant multi-layered epic like Bohemian Rhapsody next to something like Seaside Rendezvous or Love Of My Life.”

A Night At The Opera was Queen’s grand artistic statement and their most unashamedly prog album. Pitched around the epic twin tentpoles of The Prophet’s Song and Bohemian Rhapsody, it married their far-reaching vision to a distinctly British barminess. Taken on its own, the eight-minute The Prophets Song, with its incredible ornate a cappella middle section, would be enough to grant Queen access to the Prog Hall Of Fame. But even that sits in the inescapable shadow of Bohemian Rhapsody. Time and success might have lessened its impact, but that song remains the most dazzlingly unique piece of music ever to sell five million copies.

“There are epic things that come along every so often,” says Steve Howe. “There’s Sgt Pepper, there’s Bridge Over Troubled Water. And there’s Bohemian Rhapsody. I don’t know when I first heard it, but once it was there, it was such a formidable thing. You’re thinking: ‘How many tracks did they need to do those vocals? How did they write it? Who invented it? It really was astounding.”

Bohemian Rhapsody encapsulated one of the key things that gave Queen such a distinct identity. Like The Beatles and Beach Boys before them, they used the studio as an instrument – not least when it came to their vocals. And Bohemian Rhapsody raised the bar about as high as it could go.

“They sang each of those parts and triple-stacked them,” says Mike Portnoy. “You heard all three of their voices singing in all three vocal ranges. That’s what made the depth of their music so complex. It wasn’t the instrumentation, it was the vocals. That’s unusual for prog music. When I think of my favourite prog music, it’s always the musicianship that draws me. But with Queen, it was the vocals. It was so deep.”

For all its success, A Night At The Opera would be Queen’s grand kiss-off to their prog roots. Later albums streamlined their sound into a more conventional format. Much like Genesis, the 80s found them swapping experimentalism for chart rock.

It wasn’t until the end of their career as an active band that Queen would again sound so adventurous. During 1989 and 1990, the band began work on their penultimate album, Innuendo, in London and Montreux. In the summer of 1990, Yes guitarist Steve Howe paid a flying visit to the Swiss city, where a chance encounter with a former guitar tech found him being invited to Queen’s studio to hear the album as a work-in-progress.

“Inside, there’s Freddie, Brian and Roger all sitting together. They go: ‘Let’s play you the album,’” says Howe. “Of course, I’m hearing it for the first time: I Can’t Live Without You, I’m Going Slightly Mad. And they saved Innuendo itself until last. They played it and I was fucking blown away.”

If that was surprising, then what happened next was utterly out-of-the-blue. The members of Queen asked if Howe wanted to play on the title track. The Yes man politely suggested they’d lost their minds. It took the combined weight of Mercury, May and Taylor to persuade him.

“They all chimed in: ‘We want some crazy Spanish guitar flying around over the top. Improvise!’” recalls Howe. “I started noodling around on the guitar, and it was pretty tough. After a couple of hours, I thought: ‘I’ve bitten off more than I can chew here.’ I had to learn a bit of the structure, work out the chordal roots were, where you had to fall if you did a mad run in the distance; you have to know where you’re going. But it got towards evening, and we’d doodled and I’d noodled, and it turned out to be really good fun. We have this beautiful dinner, we go back to the studio and have a listen. And they go: ‘That’s great. That’s what we wanted.”

Released as a single in January 1991, Innuendo gave Queen their third Number One single. Like Bohemian Rhapsody 25 years before it, it was as unlikely as hit singles get: a six-and-a-half minute musical jigsaw, complete with flamenco runs, classically-inclined orchestral overloads and maverick 5/4 timing. Queensrÿche covered the song on 2007’s Take Cover album, while you can hear its echo in Radiohead’s Paranoid Android and Muse’s more elaborate sci-fi epics.

“In the world of rock, Queen stands out as a good example of the clash between guitar and piano in songwriting,” Muse’s Matt Bellamy has said. “I think that’s where you stumble across those more unusual arrangements and chord structures.”

Today, Queen have left a bi-polar legacy. They’re arguably best known for their pop hits – Radio Gaga, I Want To Break Free and of course, Bohemian Rhapsody, that ultimate prog Trojan Horse. But their spirit of adventure remains unmatched by all but the boldest of their peers.

“There was no rulebook for Queen,” says Mike Portnoy. “They broke most of the rules that existed, and then they wrote a new set.”

#queen #queen band #roger taylor #freddie mercury #brian may #john deacon

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rpgmgames · 4 years

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November’s Featured Game: Grimm's Hollow

DEVELOPER(S): ghosthunter ENGINE: RPG Maker 2003 GENRE: Indie RPG, Adventure WARNINGS: Discussions of death, losing a loved one, grief SUMMARY: Grimm’s Hollow is a spooky, freeware RPG where you search the afterlife for your brother. Reap ghosts with your scythe, explore haunted caves, and eat ghostly treats on your journey through death.

Download the game here! Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! *BB: My name's Bruno and I did some of the music along with Nat! I’m super happy to have participated in this game! *NW: I’m Nat Wesley, a.k.a. Natbird! I’m a composer available for hire with a few projects in the works. I’m honored to have had the chance to work on the soundtrack to Grimm’s Hollow! *GH: Hello! I go by ghosthunter online; I started developing RPGs with a friend in school when we found out that we both enjoyed RPG Horror. I enjoy art, webcomics, cartoons and narrative-driven indie games a lot. I bought RM2K3 on sale and started pouring pixel art into it, before learning how to do things like chase scenes, cutscenes, etc. I used to fantasize about making my own game, drawing dungeons and ghosts in the back of my sketchbooks, before I finally started Grimm’s Hollow. Now I’m near the end of high-school, and I’m hoping the best for uni!

What is your project about? What inspired you to create this game initially? *GH: Grimm’s Hollow, originally, wasn’t as ambitious or personal. It was simply just going to be “my first game”, something that I could finally put my doodles and RM2K3 skills to. I wanted a game that a younger me would have enjoyed, back when I first discovered the classic RPGMaker games and replayed them constantly for those endings. That was my initial inspiration. It eventually evolved into an action turn-based RPG that relies on timing, yet it’s mostly narrative-driven. You traverse death in search of your sibling, and try to make an escape. There are unexpected pieces of me that ended up in this game, some of which I’m still noticing even now.

How long have you been working on your project? *GH: Since the summer of June 2018.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *GH: Standstill Girl, OFF by Mortis Ghost, Undertale, Over The Garden Wall, and the animation medium in general.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *GH: Many! Making your first game is such a giant learning curve, that the list of challenges goes on. I would say that the most difficult issue I encountered (and that, in some ways, I am still facing after release) is working around the limitations of the game engine I am using. I wanted to see whether creating an engaging but simple 1-party RPG in RM2K3 (without going completely custom) was feasible, and I experimented with quick time events as part of that. I worked around the engine’s built-in formulae so players could see progress when they upgraded their stats - although the game might display as defence as “10”, in reality the game stores it as 40 since the engine splits defence by 4. Since I did not want to create an RPG which was too complex for my first game, I also scrapped traditional staples such as armour or weapons. There were also issues such as having an appropriate “game over” handling event which wouldn’t shoot you back to the title screen after you lost a battle; getting RM2K3 to play a small cutscene where you faint and respawn somewhere else was tricky. I felt that if the player had to reload after a loss, it would disrupt the game flow.

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *GH: Like I mentioned before, the game started off impersonal. I just had a soft spot for a spooky cute aesthetic, and I wanted to indulge in that. It was (and in its essence, still is) meant to be a short story, to keep the player invested for the short game length - nothing grandiose. The original draft did not have Baker play a role in the narrative - he was just an ordinary shopkeeper NPC. For a long time during development, Lavender did not even have a name. In the very first draft, she was a silent protagonist the player could name and customize. But she played a very active role in the final outline, so it was hard not to give her own unique voice when one emerged from the narrative naturally. I am glad I did; she grew on me quite quickly! Grimm was virtually unchanged from beginning to end. The only difference was that a close friend suggested that he seemed like he would be into drinking Oolong tea - so that’s what he offers you when you meet him. Timmy also did not go under massive overhauls like Lavender and Baker did, but his relationship with Lavender became much more fleshed out as I wrote the narrative. In other facets of the game’s design, there were not many changes to the original prototype.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *GH: It was just myself, doing the art, writing, programming, etc. But halfway through creating the second cave, I realised I would need a very specific sound for Grimm’s Hollow. So, I contacted Nat for music, but I also created a post on tumblr calling for a composer since there were many tracks to make. I met Bruno as a result! I am very happy with their work and I am so grateful I’ve got to work with them! (Some players are asking for an OST release, which is in the works).

What is the best part of developing a game? *GH: I really enjoyed the early stages of development: creating new tilesets, sprites and maps and piecing them together in the editor, then taking a small screenshot and sharing it with my friend over summer vacation … It was nice to see the game’s world slowly come together. I think that’s what I enjoyed the most from beginning to end: that sense of world-building, that sense of relaxation from making a small cosy game. The latter started to disappear as work and other responsibilities started to intrude, and pressure began to seep into development time - but I never stopped loving making the world and characters. I also want to say that, by lucky chance, I have met a lot of kind people from making my first game. I’m very grateful for that, so thank you to everyone.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *GH: All the time! Other RPG Maker 2003 projects are great inspirations for pixel art tilesets, as well as how to code harder features such as custom menus. They’re also just fun to play.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *GH: Lavender and Timmy are relatable to me in multiple ways. I can’t elaborate on Timmy since that would go into spoiler territory, but I somewhat relate to Lavender’s insistence on managing her life on her own - sometimes to her own detriment. I’d say the most fun character to write for was Grimm. He can be unintentionally silly while speaking in the most formal way, but also very caring too. Everything he does and says was easy to write, whereas I had to think harder for the interactions between everyone else - especially for very crucial scenes regarding their development. That being said, my favourite is still the game’s central two siblings. I can not pick between them for the life of me.

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *GH: I wish I started testing even earlier! Not only does it give you a good sense of what’s missing, but seeing people enjoy what you’ve made yet get hindered by bugs is a very strong incentive to fix your game immediately. When I was lacking motivation or was stuck, I found that good feedback and support made me motivated again. I also wish that I could have pushed the deadline a little further, or perhaps released the game on Early Access since it will take me a while to refine post-release bugs - but as it is, the 31st of October really was the deadline for my game due to external circumstances (no, that deadline wasn’t just because it was Halloween!). Other than that, I wonder if using an updated version of RPG Maker would have produced the same game …? It’s hard to tell, but I hope people enjoy it for what it is - I will be working on that post-release patch soon!

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *GH: There are no current plans, but I would be happy to have the opportunity to improve and expand on the game. As it is, the game’s released for free and done as a hobby, so I would struggle to do that by myself.

What do you most look forward to now that you have finished the game? *GH: Earlier on, I was really looking forward to players’ reactions. Games are made to be fun, and I would have felt distraught if my game didn’t achieve what it was set out to do. Yet it was not just about the gameplay; it was about the narrative. I hoped that what I found funny, the player would too; what was heartfelt to me, was heartfelt to the player as well. Like sharing a laugh, or just a good experience together. I hoped they would enjoy the feeling that went into it, despite the struggle of making it against circumstance and limitations. Now, I look forward to resting and sleeping once this over. I want to explore my other interests, improve, and explore new media. I want to relax, and refocus again like I was before the heat of development.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *GH: Bugs! Some are easy to fix, but others are harder due to the limitations of the engine (e.g an error in one ending is caused by an overflow error).

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *GH: Show your game as early as possible, to as many people as possible. As soon as you have something playable, it’s ready for feedback. You’ll see if that game mechanic you spent hours refining works, or if it doesn’t work and why. You’ll understand what players enjoy and what they want more of, but also what they don’t like or don’t enjoy. And you will definitely encounter bugs. You’ll be able to pinpoint and fix minor problems early on that can easily become a larger issue later. You’ll be able to fine-tune your game so its best bits shine, and the difficulty is just right.

Question from last month's featured dev @dead-dreams-dev: Is there anything you’ve added to your game for no other reason than because you’re hoping fans will get a kick out of it? Fanservice, fourth wall breakage, references to other games, jokes, abilities that are just ridiculously overpowered and badass, etc? *GH: It’s hard to say; game design is trying to find the intersection between what’s good for the player, what the developer enjoys, and what’s feasible to implement. Every decision made should be conscious of that … I think a lot of the game’s early light-hearted jokes was not only made because I enjoyed it, but I hoped the player would “get a kick out of it” too. But more so, I think it’s because I would struggle to write a story which is serious and bleak from beginning to end. The game is a little self-indulgent in the narrative that way.

We mods would like to thank ghosthunter & team for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Grimm's Hollow if you haven’t already! See you next month!

- Mods Gold & Platinum

#rpgmaker #rpg maker games #indie games #pixel games #rpg #adventure #cute #grimms hollow #grimm's hollow #gotm #game of the month #gotm 2019 #2019 #game of the month 2019 #november #november 2019

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classicrosie · 4 years

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My Top 10 Posts Ever

I’m @gemshine and I’ve been posting art on Tumblr for five years. Over those five years, I’ve had ten posts gain over 100 notes. Here I will talk about each one of them, their story, and how I think they got popular. If you like any of them you can click the link to take you to the original post, I really appreciate likes and reblogs. If you want to see more of my art please follow @gemshine.

1). How to Make a Comic Infographic - 237 notes - Mar 27 2020

This is my most popular post. It is a how-to infographic I did for class and I am really proud of it. Comics are really hard to complete, there are so many steps that without organization it is easy to get lost and give up. So, I thought letting others into my thought process would help.

I haven't made that many comics, but I do love making them. I love storytelling and character development so much, so as a visual artist comics are an amazingly creative medium for me to play around with and tell my story. Here is my short story about an elf lawyer named Cherry Elliott I made in 2018 for another class, that made me fall in love with comic making. I dream of writing and illustrating a graphic novel one day.

This was my first time doing the equivalent of a colour palette challenge, I think it turned out pretty well, I love the colour combo of pink, purple, and yellow/orange. The comic I used as the example was a comic made specifically for this infographic, featuring my original character, Mystic. I’m the person in the bottom right, illustrating a comic about “Some Elf Thing”, aka my original story passion project @mysticsrealm. My Mystic’s Realm stuff has not gained much traction yet, so it’s pretty wild that a post with an illustration of myself and my oc has gotten 237 notes and been reblogged 68 times.

Most people finding this post are going through some sort of “comic reference” related tag and I’m glad my experience is actually helping people start making comics. The majority of people tag it with “comic tutorial” or “reference”.

TLDR; this post is helpful for people looking to start making comics and it’s very aesthetic

2). Dad Hank Comic From Detroit Become Human - 205 notes - Aug 21 2018

At the time this post felt like it was blowing up by my standards. It is still my number two post. It gained traction because I posted it in a big fandom at the right time (#connorarmy). If I posted it now it would have maybe 20 notes. A lot of getting notes is posting at the right time of a fandom, but I don’t really know the science.

This post is nice and simple, I like the purple wash. I like Hank’s expression. These two and their dog are a really sweet little family and I cashed in on that angst, like I am one to do. At least it was kinda wholesome angst, I guess. We love found family.

3). Ladynoir!Opal Comic From Miraculous Ladybug and Steven Universe - 188 notes - Feb 26 2019

I was and still am really proud of this one. I was inspired to try lineless by @sneakysscribs‘ lineless art. Lineless art is a pain, but so pretty. This piece was made by having lines, but then colouring them in. I love how I was pushing the comic format, making the two gems flying in the beginning and Ladynoir!opal really pop out of the page. I also love that I actually made backgrounds for once in my life, they’re SU inspired and very aesthetic.

I call this AU Miraculous Universe, and it has been in my head a long time, starring Ladybug!Pearl and Chat Noir!Amethyst. It is not very fleshed out, but it is very fun. It also makes no sense. This concept is so oddly specific it’s hilarious. But I’m also rewarded in my uniqueness in that there’s nothing else like it and I got to work both the SU and ML tags.

4). Adrinino Dancing Comic From Miraculous Ladybug - 177 notes - Aug 15 2019

I just noticed my top 4 all had to do with comics. Hopefully, that’s a good omen for my future in graphic novel.

This piece was for the first and only (so far) zine I’ve been in, @theninozine. That is where the majority of people found this post. It was nice to create something knowing that people were going to see it. It was also nice to have my work displayed among so many talented and passionate artists. Drawing ships for ml is funny because to have to tag the same exact ship four times to account for their love square. Anyways this piece is very sweet and gay.

5). Viperinoire From Miraculous Ladybug - 166 notes - May 7 2020

This is my most recent post above 100 notes. And it was posted during the ML offseason. I’m not that big of a fan of the show, but I love the fan content a lot. We lot just kinda take elements from canon and do whatever we want with them. This Viperinoire post is a great example steering far from canon.

This post succeeded despite the last episode of Miraculous aired having been in Dec 2019 because of the active Lukanette fanbase. I have a theory that the reason ML is still so popular on the internet, despite a large crowd being disappointed with the show, is because the fan content gets a ton of interaction, encouraging creators to keep making more, keeping the fandom alive.

6). Christine Canigula From Be More Chill - 141 notes - Feb 4 2018

This was my second post to gain over 100 notes. I posted when the Be More Chill fandom was very popular. People were really nice in the notes, they really love ChristiiIIIIIIiine. In this post I was practicing posing and using a glowy tutorial I found for the stage lights. This is the scene during More Than Survive where she is lifted up and signs the sign-up sheet for the after school play. When I look at this piece I can see the progress I made to get that point, and how I’ve grown since.

7). Heather Chandler From Heathers The Musical - 120 notes - Feb 19 2017

This was my first post ever to get over 100 notes. I still think it’s pretty good actually, I really like the hair. This post was copied directly from a photo, which I think is pretty good practice for shading. During this time, I didn’t have a drawing tablet so I was posting traditional drawings. This post blew up over all the ones before it because it was at a good time in the Heather fandom and it looks pretty great tbh.

8). Green Diamond From Steven Universe - 108 notes - Aug 15 2018

Someone asked me to imagine two diamonds fused so I did. I think I did a pretty good job combining the aesthetics of Blue and Yellow to create a new gem with their own identity. This post got popular because of Bellow shippers. One thing I would change is that underneath her left arm you can see a little looseness of her top, I would have changed that to be form fitting to match with the SU style of drawing gems.

9). The Zen Garden From Detroit Become Human - 103 notes - Aug 27 2018

This is one of the only times I’ve ever practiced drawing a background. Came out pretty picturesque if I do say so myself. The Zen Garden from DBH has always been very pretty. This was really just an exercise for me to come out of my comfort zone and draw a place instead of a person. Actually, at first, it started as a background for [this post], but the background came out nicer than the subject, so I posted it on its own too.

10). Pearls From Steven Universe - 100 notes - Aug 14 2019

This post just got 100 notes, which lead me to making this post. I think I captured the SU art style for Pearl quite well. When I was younger I found a tutorial for how to draw Pearl and she became my go-to doodle. This post was made years later, but I definitely used the muscle memory I had for drawing Pearl. Though the Pearl I drew was in her bow outfit, this was my first time drawing Pearl in either of these outfits. This post was made before the SU movie a pretty good prediction might I say. I love Pearl a lot.

Thank you, everyone, so much for supporting my work, and may there be lots more in the future.

#artists on tumblr #my art #ml #su #personal #my post #okay to rb #id actually love it #it was weird to talk about myself for so long #gemshine #tumblrnotecounter

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gideongrace · 4 years

Text

Talking amongst ourselves - fanfic writer interviews: @ihni

(Originally, these interviews were done more conversationally, but this interview is a LONG one! So I edited it down for tumblr. You can read the whole unedited, uncut interview over on a03! There are pictures involved. :)

Please say your first name, your age, your pronouns, the fandoms you write for and provide a link to your a03. You can also mention your sexual orientation or other details, if you'd like.

Ihni:

My real name is Moa, but I go by Ihni online. On AO3, I have an account under Ihni (https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihni) but that's for rhymes (and doodles). I only wrote rhymes/poetry for a long time, and when I started writing fic, I wanted to put that under another pen name. I was NOT comfortable writing stories for YEARS. Now, though, I don't care. So, I write fics under the pen name Thei (https://archiveofourown.org/users/thei/).

It's all Stranger Things, these days. Harringrove (because I love the fandom and I like the two of them interacting) and Billy-centric (because I love his character, SO MUCH).

I am ace and aro, so my fics tend to not contain any sex (I have ALLUDED to it a couple of times, but that's basically as far as I go). I am also just as happy to write fics without any romantic or sexual relationships at all. Billy and Steve can be buddies only, as far as I'm concerned.

How do you feel about being aroace when so much of fanfic is all about romance and sex?

Ihni:

I live by the tried and tested rule of "don't like, don't read".

There is a lot of romance in our fandom, for sure. But it's not like it's lovey-dovey IN OUR FACE romance, you know? 97% of Harringrove fics are two dumb boys who are bad at communication and who can't deal with Feelings. And I fucking live for that! Also, even the lovey-dovey fluffy romance stuff is cute, when it's them. I may not want a relationship for myself, but I don't mind at all if the boys are in one! (If they want it, they deserve it <3)

And as for sex ... well. I can read about sex, if it's well written or if it furthers the plot. If it's too graphic, I tend to scroll past it though, or just skim through it. It doesn't... give me a lot? I guess. Like, it's not like I read "smut" in the tags and go "oooh I have to read this!" - rather the opposite, in fact. I can read it, but it's not something I actively look for, and when I stumble upon it, I don't always read all of it. If I know the writer, I'll probably read through it to honor their work, though.

I just won't ever leave a "omg that was so hot!" comment! XD If someone expects that from me, they'll be disappointed (and I'm constantly terrified of disappointing or offending people for NOT commenting on their smut).

Basically, I am the master of my own fandom experience, and if something makes me uncomfortable I will keep away from it. Simple as that.

More people should live by that rule.

What's your writing process like?

Ihni:

Uuuuuuuugh.

That's an interpretation of my writing process.

No, but.

I usually get SUPER INSPIRED to write a specific scene, or concept... and THAT part goes well, but then I have to build a STORY around it, and that takes SUCH A LONG TIME and SO MUCH EFFORT!

And also, usually, it gets out of hand.

I usually have to force myself to get the words in, honestly. And also, I get real tired of what I'm writing, real fast. So I have to force myself to finish (I have a few WIPs that are more than a year in the making...) before moving on to other things. (And I usually write the other things inbetween, anyway.)

I get easily distracted, when I write. Like, actually sitting down and writing takes an hour and a half. Then I MIGHT write for like twenty minutes, lol.

Cold Turkey Writer was a godsend XD.

If I have internet on while I'm writing, not a lot will be written, let's just ... let's just say that.

How do you edit?

Ihni:

HAHAHAHAHAHAA

Erm.

Well.

Sometimes, I read through it once, and change a few things, and let that be it.

In a couple of cases, for the longer ones, I have actually made an effort to read through it more than once. (The problem being that by then, I'm so sick of it that I will skim through it just to get it over with.)

A couple of times, a friend has read through it for me, and given me pointers. Which is VERY HELPFUL! But they've offered to do it for me, I would never ask it of someone.

And about the editing process ... I check for spelling mistakes, or when something sounds wrong, or looks wrong ... and then I fix it, so it looks and sounds better in my head. I don't know. That's editing, right?

What fanfic authors do you admire?

Ihni:

In the Harringrove fandom, I have to mention LEMONLOVELY, because I'm in love with the way she writes Billy, and the way she's shaping her fics as she goes, and the way her attention to detail brings a whole mood (I am OBSESSED with her "Words Left Unsaid" fic, and am probably that fic's biggest fan).

LYMRICKS, because fucking hell, they sure can write a fic that draws you in. There's something about long sentences in combination with short sentences that really makes them easy to read, and the language is like a punch to the gut, at times.

CALLIEB, because I love their stories and I'm currently following "Second Thoughts" and I love how they write everyone like ... like they're holding their breath, waiting for something.

And I'm not even gonna mention any others by name because I'm terrible with names and I'm bound to forget someone and I'm just, I don't want to do that. Our fandom is full of talented writers, and I just. If I've commented on your fic, I read through all of it and I liked it. If I haven't - well, I HAVE been writing more lately = less time to read, and I have like 100 fic tabs open on all of my devices ... I hope to get there, some time!

In other fandoms, let me mention PeaceHeather (for how they write Loki and that world), aloneintherain (such good whump!), isaDanCurtisproduction (the absolute best Spideypool!) and gaelicspirit (who writes lovely angsty whumpy Musketeers fics). Like. Just to mention 0.01%, or something.

I don't think any of them, particularly, have impacted my style - because I don't HAVE a style - but I soak up every word of every fanfic I ever read, and if one sentence is a particularly pretty string of words, I will copy & paste it into a word document that is now 170 pages long, or screenshot it to keep it forever. ❤️

Words. <3

What's your favorite story of yours?

What's your least favorite story of yours?

What's your favorite line you've ever written?

Ihni:

Like, in what SENSE? Even though I know my writing isn't up to par, they're still my babies. Still my creations. I love them in different ways! Like. I love "Coming Back" because it was the longest I had written back then, and it's probably the one I am most pleased about, writing-wise, and it's also the one I went through and edited the most. So it feels like the one I worked the most on.

I love "Toy Soldiers" because it was a totally self-indulgent piece of writing that I wrote for the joy of it, and because I wanted to read it and no one else was about to write it for me.

I love "About Apologies" because something about it pleases me, it was an experiment that didn't fail, and I like it more and more with time.

I love "Less of a mistake, more of a miscalculation" because I had fun while writing it, and it turned out kind of like I wanted it to, plot-wise.

I love "Actions and reactions", because I had no idea what I was doing back then, but I still did it, and somehow it got long and I still don't know how that happened.

And I realise that this makes me sound a little self-centered, but I worked hard on them. I love them, even if they're my ugly and imperfect babies. And even if I cringe if I re-read certain parts XD

I guess my least favorite story of mine (and I'm guessing we're talking Stranger Things things here?) is "Not unusual" because a) I never re-read it and b) it was the start of something that I have to actually FINISH at some point and ugh, that was not the original plan. If we're talking least favorite stories in all fandoms, then definitely "In which there are mistakes made", which was a Teen Wolf fic, and the reason why I don't do WIPs anymore. The last chapter was written simply to fucking END it, and ugh, I hate it.

The favorite line I've ever written ...? I don't know. Are we talking in fic? Because I write my best stuff in comments, honestly. :p I don't think I have an answer for that one, actually. Sorry :S

What part of writing is easiest for you?

What part of writing is hardest for you?

Ihni:

Easiest? Dialogue. I like dialogue. Like, as a non-English speaker I can at least imagine a plausible exchange of words, and banter, and make it sound somewhat realistic, I imagine.

Hardest? The rest. Like, some people are just fucking WIZARDS with words, can write these long descriptive sentences that perfectly sets the mood for when a character gracefully moves across the room ... whereas I am just, "He stood up and walked over. End of fucking story."

What do you do when you're struggling for inspiration?

Ihni:

Give up?

Or do something else.

Or go and read. (That's basically the same as giving up.)

Or, if I'm still writing, I go to another part of the story and write THAT, and hope that I'll feel like connecting the two pieces, later.

Inspiration is a bitch.

Who introduced you to fandom and when?

Ihni:

Oh god. I am old. I don't remember.

I started writing stories when I was real young, and I was always reading something. I started writing stories with my friends when I was a teenager. Then we discovered the internet (yes, this was around the time when we got internet access in school and at home, told you I was old!) and when doing that, I guess we found more like-minded people.

Fanfics ... weren't an organized thing, back then. But I've been reading them, and been in fandoms, ever since I discovered that there were people online who liked the same things that I liked.

I would say, actively, from maybe around 19-20 years old? Like, that was ACTIVE fandom-ing.

What is your advice to fellow writers?

How often do you jump between fandoms?

How long have you been writing?

Ihni:

As a WRITER, I am not the best person to give advice to writers, I think. I'd rather TAKE advice than give it, at this point.

As a READER, my advice is to WRITE, WRITE, WRITE, because you are doing a good thing and you are creating a version of a world that is yours, versions of characters that you can shape into anything, and SOMEONE out there will love you for it (probably me).

I jump between fandoms ... hmm, as a WRITER? Seldom. Billy's my jam and I'm not moving.

As a READER? All the time. I mean, I'm pretty deep into Harringrove and Billy and Stranger Things, but sometimes I need something light-hearted, and then I go back to some of my basic fandoms, and read something else. I will never run out of things to read.

❤️

And how long have I been writing? FOREVER. I wrote when I was young, and thought I was going to be an author (wrote in Swedish, back then). Then I wrote when I was a teen, for fun. Then I stopped writing. Then I started writing rhymes, in English, because it was a craft I could do and train in, and it was short pieces. And only in recent years (very recent), have I started writing fics. And now, I write long-ass fics in English, so I guess I have at least come a long way!

Why do you write?

Ihni:

...

I just sat and stared at the screen for a good ten seconds.

I'd say that it differs.

Sometimes, I write because I want to READ something and no one has written it (or is going to).

Sometimes, I write because I want a very specific thing or feeling, and it doesn't exist yet.

Sometimes, I write because I am inspired.

Sometimes, I write because I want to.

Sometimes, I write because of a deadline.

Sometimes, I write because there's something in my head that Won't Leave Me The Fuck Alone until I get it out.

Sometimes, I write for fun.

Sometimes, I write because I want to hurt.

Sometimes, I write because I need to.

Sometimes, I write because I want to become better at it; learn; reach towards the writers whose work I love.

And sometimes, I just sit and stare at a document, don't write a single fucking word, and go watch a movie instead.

#talkingamongstourselves #ihni

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mcleaha · 4 years

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hello lovelies ! i’m bøffy , i’m 20 years old , prefer she/her pronouns , and currently reside in the pst timezone ! uhh . . . i am posting this intro at nearly 5 AM my time , and i would be almost willing to bet it’s littered with errors and it’s . . . probably a bit all – over – the – place since this is very much a new muse ! however , with that being said , if you give this a like , i will definitely contact you via tumblr ims or d!scord ( 𝓲𝓷𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓪 / 𝓮𝔁𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓪#1384 ) to plot !

[ jasmine brown . 21 . cis female . she/her ] just saw MALEAH AMICK dragging their suitcase up the steps to CABIN 1B . good luck living with HER , i hear that that they’re INDECISIVE , FORGETFUL , SOCIABLE & CREATIVE . Apparently they’re the ATTACKING MIDFIELDER . let’s hope the upcoming season doesn’t affect their JUNIOR year of ART EDUCATION .

STATS:

name: maleah amick .

nickname(s): leah .

age: twenty one .

gender identity: cis female .

pronouns: she/her .

sexual orientation: bisexual / biromantic .

birthday: 26 february 1999 .

zodiac sign: pisces .

myer-briggs: esfj .

pinterest: coming soon !

HISTORY:

born on the 26th of february 1999 in orlando , florida , maleah was the youngest of the three amick siblings . her mother worked as a prestigious board – certified pediatric surgeon at a local children’s hospital , and her father worked as a high school mathematics teacher and volunteered as the school’s unpaid soccer coach , a move that saved the program from ending due to budget cuts ( he claims he was roped into the position as a first – year teacher with no seniority , but while he’s reluctant to admit it , he eventually grew a passion for the sport he had previously known little about ) .

with her mother’s long shifts and emergency work – related calls , she ultimately became closer to her father and two older brothers while growing up . most knew her father as a man who towered over them at 6’7” , ordering his team to run laps or practice drills ; however , maleah knew him as the man who would crawl around the living room floor playing barbies with her or would prepare fruit and herbal teas as she twirled around dressed as a princess , declaring it time for a royal tea party . just as easily , she could be found exploring the great outdoors or playing whatever sport was currently in season alongside her brothers .

she practically followed in her brothers’ footsteps . as they approached high school , each brother chose one sport to specialize in , hoping to secure a position on a college team and eventually on a professional team . maleah did not have professional athletic goals , but although she had immaculate grades with limited effort put towards academics , she knew extra – curricular activities were important for college applications . thus , when it was maleah’s turn to choose which sport to pursue , rather than having to weigh the pros and cons and make her own decision ( or perhaps , fearing that she would make the wrong decision ) , she simply chose the sport that her brothers had previously chosen : soccer .

her high school coach knew the perfect position for maleah . years of informal practice with her brothers in the backyard had enhanced her skills . she had learned how to evade skilled high school defenses by pretending as if she was heading in one direction before bolting in the other . soccer was one of the few areas in life in which she possessed enough knowledge to make quick and effective decisions ; she could read the field and immediately determine the best course of action : dribble , pass , or shoot . ultimately , she possessed the vision and the creativity necessary to secure playmaking and goal-scoring opportunities for her team .

with a line of college scholarships , both academic and athletic , waiting for the attacking midfielder’s choice ( unfortunately , none from either of the schools her brothers played for ) , the time came for maleah to make a decision . as deadlines for summer practices , class registration , and tuition payments crept closer , she finally determined a means of deciding . she numbered her offer letters , 1 through 13 , and allowed a random number generator to make the decision for her . thus , mere chance ( or perhaps fate ) led maleah to hollis university .

her first semester at hollis was . . . rough , to put it lightly . while most freshman shed a few tears as they watched their parents’ car drive off into the distance , homesickness lingered in maleah’s life . coasting through high school with limited effort had done her zero favors ; with no effective study skills , her grades dropped dramatically . between soccer and trying to salvage her grade point average , a social life was virtually out of question . ultimately , she found herself on academic probation , unable to play soccer , for her second semester of freshman year at hollis .

luckily , she was able to develop effective study habits , and even discovered along the way that maybe pre – med was not the best major for her . when asked what she wanted to do , maleah gave an entire list of generic answers – “i want to help people” and “i want to make a difference” came up quite often , but nothing specific enough to point her in the right direction . thus , she changed her major almost every semester , desperately seeking for the right fit . in the meantime , though it took several letters petitioning her temporary removal from the team , she was able to resume playing soccer during her sophomore year .

as junior year approached , maleah was almost certain that she was back in her coach’s good graces – no longer viewed with a sense of skepticism . she had proven herself capable , finding her name on the dean’s list nearly every semester and assisting her team in numerous wins throughout the soccer season . however , with hollis’ soccer teams’ restructuring , maleah can’t help but question if her coach views her as a valued athlete or a liability .

PERSONALITY:

two words : social butterfly . almost to a fault . even if someone has expressed quite literally zero interest in talking to her / getting to know her , she will still make an attempt . kind of a . . . people – pleaser , in a sense , she just wants to be well – liked ?

avoids ! conflict ! at ! all ! costs ! generally just . . . tries to avoid people or situations that upset her . not very prone to like . . . yelling or crying , but those close to her can definitely sense a change in her demeanor when she’s upset ? just . . . a lot more tense , probably lots of eye – rolling and just . . . subtle , quiet signs that she is over whatever the problem is .

kinda . . . chill , mellow , easygoing ? she very much lives in the moment , and tries not to stress too much about the future . always down for a drink , a party , whatever – genuinely just around for some fun and some friends !!!

the kind of person who genuinely gets excited over like those fun facts and jokes that are on popsicle sticks and whatnot – absolutely must share the information with everyone within earshot . honestly , those jokes are very . . . on point with her own personal sense of humor jflakdsj .

HEADCANONS:

she suffers from a terrible case of youngest child syndrome . ultimately , without guidance , she’s terribly irresponsible . she’s always having to run extra laps because she sets her alarm too late to make it to morning practices on time . she’s always receiving overdraft fees for spending more money than is available in her checking account . forgets everything – from homework assignments to names to grabbing her keys before locking the door on her way out . just . . . imagine a child asking for an adult’s help and her looking around until she comes to the realization that “ oh , shit , i am an adult ” .

she’s practically always doodling – in the corners of notebooks , on napkins while eating lunch , on her clothing , on her own skin . she loves making art , particularly drawing or painting portraits or nature . ( ultimately , she only decided to incorporate this into her choice of major after hollis threatened to not allow any further changes to her major ) .

she has a . . . unique sense of style . she has a passion for thrifting and upcycling . practically lives in hoodies and t – shirts that she has purchased from secondhand stores and cropped herself . always adding cool iron-on patches to her clothing . she should be listed as your emergency contact if you’re prone to ripping your clothing because she can definitely fix it .

she probably thinks she’s good at trash-talking on the field , but she actually sounds like a second grader ( and that’s being kind ) . if you looked at her browser history , there’s probably at least one record of her actually googling “ best soccer trash talk ” .

CONNECTIONS:

friends !! friends she’s met through courses throughout her adventures of attempting every major possible , mayhaps soccer friendships that continue off the field , mayhaps that complicated emerging new friendship state for some who are new to hollis ! unlikely friends ! best friends !!! quite literally those unbreakable ride – or – die friendships !

muses !! i feel like every artist needs that little dose of inspiration , even if it’s simply the inspiration of a work – in – progress portrait throughout the duration of camp ! complaints of “ stop moving ! ” and her stopping every ten minutes to ask what they think and probably at some point , her flinging a brush dripping of paint in their direction (if things didn’t end in an all – out paint fight djlfakds ) .

enemies !! honestly i’m sure there is ?? so much ?? potential for this , bt . . . mayhaps someone’s just . . . fed up w her irresponsibility ? thinks she doesn’t take her soccer position seriously ? maybe someone doesn’t think she takes anything seriously ( they wouldn’t be . . . wrong tbh ) . maybe someone from cali takes that “ california vs florida ” feud a little too seriously jflskdja . idk there’s always bound to be personality clashes !

exes !! relationships that ended badly , so she actively tries to avoid them and who even knows what happens when she’s forced to acknowledge their existence at some point at this camp !!! maybe relationships that ended on mutual terms so they’re still p chill with each other ?? maybe ended relationships that never quite got closure so there’s still unresolved feelings !!

hook-ups !! they are . . . college students . they are . . . college students stuck at a camp all summer . idk i feel like this one is pretty self – explanatory jflakds .

honestly i am tired & want to sleep , bt genuinely i am up for & open to anything ! good influences , bad influences , unrequited crushes , requited crushes , idk the world is y(our) oyster !! these are . . . rlly just some ideas to get the whole process started bc i am actually terrible at . . . thinking of plot ideas on the spot . always open to jst . . . doing a thread and seeing how things naturally flow too !

#hollis.intro #i . . . don't know what most of this is #it is jst #almost 5 am now actually i need sleep #also too lazy to log on to my other account to access my other gifs so :) this is what we have to work with for the time being jflaksdj

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shinyzango · 4 years

Text

...You know, I have been thinking a bit about this past decade. My memory is crap to be honest but looking back at it... It sure was a mess of ups and downs.

It started with me leaving highschool after failing the second year, as I’ve grown too tired and annoyed by the dumbness of its teaching methods. In that year then I have started attending to a, uhm, I think I can call it a specialization school for making comics. Despite having turned 18 in those years, I was still very immature, and ended up leaving that school as well as I considered their final goal to be bullshit (even tho now that I look back at it it kind of had sense).

Still, while I have ended up disliking that school, as I both hated the fact that they said they welcomed all styles when in the end they still favored non-manga styles and the fact that I ended up hating one specific classmate that even made me get sick at one point... I am thankful for that school. Before then, my dumb immature self was your typical “ew western media sucks, manga and the anime is the best!!!”, but that school make me open up to western media... and I started appreciating it more. It led me to eventually discover VALVe’s games, specifically Team Fortress 2, and I have met so many friends with it. And while I hated how my art was taking western inspirations from my full One Piece-influenced style, and I still hate to this day how my art had suffered in those years, I am thankful for it, because my style is now more unique and personal and I actually like it.

In those years I have also obtained my driving license and a motorbike to drive with, which ended up with me giving up with it between the bike being difficult for me to handle, and attempted getting a scuba diving license as at the time I loved the idea of learning the activity, to which I ended up giving up as I really couldn’t deal with the salt water getting in my eyes, and the one time I was actually able to do a successful immersion, I ended up with my inner ears getting an irritation and causing any successive immersion impossible in order to get the license.

But then, after I left that school in the middle of the second year of three, things just... started spiraling downwards. What followed was half a decade of pretty much lurking in my room. I rarely got out of my room, I often refused to go out with my family, and the first signs of depression started showing up. And if that wasn’t enough, in those years we had my sister’s first puppy dying shortly after she bought it, her second dog giving me headaches, mom discovering she had glaucoma and started treatment to at least slow it down, to which she started getting into depression as well, my dad leaving home because he was tired of maintaining us, leaving one daughter barely doing anything with her life, the other daughter who at the time was still struggling to continue university and had a young dog to take care of, a wife who just went through an operation to her eyes and was horrified at the idea of not being able to drive anymore, all three of us without any kind of income of our own, and two aging cats of which one was starting to show signs of sickness, in complete shit. That episode caused mom to have a serious breakdown and was hospidalized and successively put into recovery.

What followed that episode was years of complete mess. My depression got worse, sis found love and left home to stay with him, mom came to meet a person who she felt love for and at the time helped her recover and come out of her heartbroken shell, which while she was happy with him, both me and sis saw something was wrong with him. And soon enough, a couple years later his true nature started to show, but mom was too blinded through anti-depressant meds and other stuff and it took her 3-4 years before she was finally able to leave him just this month. Until then, it was a complete mess between them and us.

In these recent years however, between all the mess that happened to which I only have bad memories of, something good did happen. I started learning more about myself. Thanks to a failed attempt at consulting a psychologist, who turned out to be an old incompetent witch, I was finally able to figure out the one fear that was ruining me all those years, it turning out to be a fear of others’ judgement upon whatever I am or do. And while I still didn’t get over it, it has helped to at least aknowledge it.

Then, the best year for me happened. In 2017, as I had given up on trying to get attention and a following after so many years of envying other artists I admired, I got into a game I would have never guessed I would have ended up liking. I started having fun with my art and ideas again, drawing mostly for myself. And just like that, I started getting quite the following for the content I delivered for it. My art made a lot of people happy. I can still remember the warmth in my heart from those days.

Then it got even better. Not even half a year later, I randomly doodled one particular character, from an old project I had given up on working on for the lack of interest on it, during a stream. My watchers loved him. They wanted ot know more. It sparked the itch to revisit the idea just for the hell of it. I drew a little more for it. People loved it. The happiness I felt in those days was immense. I kept playing with that project. People loved whatever I drew. It was liek a dream.

But dreams eventually end, and between what was happening in real life at the time and the shift of attention getting away from my content, it contributed in my depression to come back with a vengeance and make me feel worse about myself.

Then, 2019 arrived. This year was, a complete mess, even more than the previous years. Mom was struggling between leaving her companion who turned out to be a piece of shit and trying to finally start gaining any money with her new job who she has been struggling with for the past 2 years. And I have reached a point in which I was seriously scared of my future, and eventually accepted the offer my sister and mom proposed to me. As in temporarely move to my sister’s new home in order to find a job in her area. What I found was a seasonal job, which turned out to be hell for me. This was the worst summer of my life... but it also allowed me to grow as a person. I came to realize I was still a kid and needed to grow up, I finally got comfortable with driving on a road... but eventually returned home after the job ended as I didn’t want to be a bother to my sister. I was convinced that now that I had a vehicle of my own, it would have been easier for me to find a job in my hometown’s area. That was a mistake. Then mom returned to live back at home definitely, with her ex companion keeping tormenting her for all these months... and I ended up with the car incident in which my bike ended up getting damaged beyond repair.

I feel like I’ve taken steps back and returned at page one with my life... but you know what? I’m optimistic. I feel motivated in making something out of this year. I WANT to conclude something out of this year.

This past decade has been a mess, but I’m optimistic that this new one can, and will, be better. It just starts with a thought.

“I want to be productive.”

#sorry for the long post but I've been thinking tonight #more posts to come

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wings-of-a-storm · 5 years

Text

Phew, I am half way through unraveling my thoughts on Lucas’ and Eliott’s big afternoon together. As the flirting gets more blatant, my posts get longer -- I don’t make the rules.

I’m saving your dashes with a cut though! :)

ELIOTT’S APARTMENT

So already one obvious question comes to mind: does Eliott live alone instead of with family? Because that room they were in screams bachelor pad. Plus there was no bed there, so no way is that tiny, cluttered room shared with anyone else as an actual living room. Not with Eliott’s drawings and belongings scattered everywhere. So if Eliott is living alone, I wonder how this will or won’t affect the setting of later plot.

BEER FOR TWO

Eliott saying he has some beer to lend Lucas and then coming out with a ‘suitcase’ of the stuff is pretty funny. I’m not sure if it is supposed to show us that Eliott likes to socialise a lot with friends, or that he might use it as a coping mechanism when his you-know-what gets overwhelming, or whether it is just to show us the difference in age/experience between them – that Eliott can afford loads of beer and is independent already to have such a cache of it stored up (he must surely live away from his parents!), or that he generally lives the life of a university student more than a highschooler (but I’m not French so what do I know?).

What I love though is that Elliot came into the room with two extra beers to visually lure Lucas into staying longer. He could have just asked Lucas if he wanted a beer and then gone off to get a bottle upon hearing his answer, but our sneaky Racoon wanted to make sure Lucas would really stay. How can you say no to someone already holding up beer (especially when they are already doing you a favour)? Plus having the item right in front of you is so hard to resist and so, I dunno, action-oriented (I’m sure there are studies on it). Smooth work there, Eliott. True lit student?

ELIOTT’S SPIRIT ANIMAL: THE RACOON

I love how open Eliott is with Lucas about his drawings; that he actually told Lucas that the racoon was meant to be a portrayal of himself. That is very personal information, right there.

BUT THE RACOON LOOKS SO SAD. DON’T DO THIS TO US, ELIOTT!

From the get-go, Eliott has been so open with Lucas and keeps offering bits of himself up even though Lucas doesn’t often reciprocate. Is this to make his secrets all the more painful? Because you get fooled into thinking Eliott is just this warm, open person who is upfront about everything? (Am I being too coy, Skam France? What I meant to ask was: is Eliott’s consistent openness a way to make the end of the episode that much more painful for Lucas? Because he was not expecting that sort of omission from Eliott? Ouch France. Very ouch.)

Anyway back to Eliott’s love of raccoons. How cute is it when Eliott got a little defensive when Lucas shortened ‘racoon’ to ‘rat’ and Eliott was like: IT IS A RACCOON! SHOW SOME RESPECT, BOY! Okay maybe it wasn’t so cute -- Lucas insulting the raccoon is like insulting Eliott and a representation he holds dear in his heart, and for a second, he seemed to take it to heart.

In Skam Italia, we had a deceptively brilliant spirit animal chosen for Niccolò and his state of mind (the giraffe whose heart fell in love before its head caught up), and now we have Eliott’s raccoon.

The most obvious connection Eliott has with racoons is from his own words: they wear a mask. Eliott points out this characteristic to Lucas in typical youthful exuberance, as if it is Zorro or something. But in reality, I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who felt pretty sad hearing him say it despite his adorable smile – it feels like he is already masking (pun definitely intended) why he is drawn to the idea hiding your full identity.

It is pretty interesting how Eliott’s internal turmoil is already being foreshadowed, actually. In previous versions, we’ve seen the pictures his counterparts have drawn and stuck on their walls. We’ve tried to study them to figure out what our Evens were trying to creatively express about themselves as they drew them. But the drawings have never been overtly explained to us by their actual owner before! The mask reference is unmistakable and a real little gem of an insight into how Eliott views himself in the world.

Aside from feeling like he has to wear a mask, I wonder what other elements of the Racoon will come into the storyline later…

‘HOW WOULD YOU DRAW ME?’

Oh my god, Lucas. Just oh my god. No matter how many times I rewatch this clip, my jaw drops at how bold Lucas is. Like have you no shame, child?!

A) Asking Eliott how he would draw him is basically Lucas saying: LOOK AT ME. STUDY ME. TURN ALL YOUR ATTENTION ONTO ME. LET THERE BE A MOMENT IN THE WORLD WHERE ALL YOU DO IS THINK ABOUT ME.

B) I know we’ve all been joking about ‘Draw me like one of your French girls’ but it does feel that intimate. Drawing a portrait, whether it is a spirit animal or not, is an intimate affair. Not necessarily Jack Dawson’s naked ladies-of-the-night kind of intimate, but still exposing on some level. Lucas was basically all: I want to get intimate with you. Challenge accepted or not?

B) The context of their conversation was about spirit animals, about Eliott knowing himself so well, he can see his own characteristics in a specific animal. But how the hell is Eliott supposed to know Lucas well enough to nominate an animal or even have a basic concept of Lucas so early in their acquaintance? They have spoken twice. Lucas asking Eliott how he’d draw him assumes that he is important enough in Eliott’s sphere for Eliott to actually know him the way he’d know a close friend. And since Eliott doesn’t know him that way, it is almost like a challenge to get to know him that way.

C) It is such a huge assumption that Eliott would have the time to even verbally craft a drawing of Lucas. That, my friends, is a transaction. Lucas just robbed Eliott of a suitcase of beer and now he’s demanding something else from him? I know he didn’t ask for an actual drawing, but even just coming up with a theoretical one takes time and thought. The boldness, Lucas, the boldness.

It was all such shameless flirting. Can you imagine Isak or Martino being bold enough to be all: draw a picture of me, babe, and add me to your collection. It was like Lucas skipped testing the waters and just went straight for it.

But somewhere along the way, Lucas must have felt confident enough to go there. Was it because he had seen how open-minded Eliott was in Polaris? Or because he was picking up on their own vibe together? Whatever it was, he was comfortable enough around Eliott to truly flirt. Our baby gay is actually flirting with another boy! But it makes the betrayal at the end of their afternoon so painfullll. I am sensing a pattern here, Skam France: ouch!

And the flirting worked. Because Eliott saw what Lucas was doing and fought fire with fire: damn right he took the opportunity to study Lucas’ face, to openly gaze at him for as long as he wanted and really take him in. (And Lucas ‘bold gay’ Lallemant didn’t even drop his gaze!) I love how Eliott even tilts his head back and steps back for a proper look, like challenge accepted, Lucas Lallemant.

But, incredibly, the quality of his gaze seems to shift, as if we can actually see his artist mindset clicking into place while he appreciates the angles of Lucas’ features and enjoys them.

It felt like such an intimate moment.

Of course what happens next, my friends, is the moment when Eliott drops one of the biggest lies of his life: “I don’t know how I’d draw you.”

L.I.A.R. My mind legit screams that every time I see him take that swig of beer.

Seriously, did you notice Eliott’s foot trying to push the folder full of Lucas’ drawings under the couch? Okay I am joking but those sketches of him must surely exist somewhere. If just glimpsing Lucas on his first day of school inspired Eliott to take another look at Polaris (as seen by the dates on his instagram account), he surely would have doodled Lucas and some of the things he had seen him do with his friends. That sip of beer seemed so much like guilt and thinking fast to cover himself. He lowered his head and everything. Guilllllllty. (Either guilt because he had already drawn Lucas, or guilt because he just got a flash in his mind of the perfect sketch and it was too personal for sharing.)

What I love though is how serious Eliott suddenly sounded when he said: “I’ll have to think about it.” Like even though they had both been half-joking about the whole drawing thing, Eliott really does want to try drawing a portrait of Lucas in whatever form and he is so flustered about that desire when confronted with Lucas’ seemingly omniscient gaze.

And then Lucas does that eyebrow wiggle and Eliott goes from barely-holding-on flustered to send-help flustered. He not only broke the super charged eye contact with Lucas, but had to physically turn his head away to hide his face from him!

Not only that but he suddenly brings up smoking weed out of nowhere -- it had absolutely nothing to do with anything they had been talking about! I imagine it is because smoking weed is Eliott’s go-to method to calm down and he really needed to in that moment so it just came out of his mouth.

And, well, luckily for Eliott, Lucas is a snake that has no qualms about offering up his friends’ weed for further bonding time. ;)

As other people have already mentioned though, it is such a fascinating change that there is such mutual woo-ing going on; that Eliott is charming and Lucas sees it and raises it and ends up knocking Eliott out. It happened with the piano obviously, but this clip is where it really begins.

#Skam France #3x02 thoughts #elu #lucas lallemant #eliott demaury #skamfr thoughts #Clip 2 of 4 #Was this clip even real #I am still as shook as Eliott

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littlecrookedheart · 5 years

Text

Fluffy Alphabet

Pairing : Tom x Clove

Word Count :

Rating : Fluff! A teensy bit of suggestion, nothing more.

Template courtesy of @pixelburied

♡

A – Anger (What was their first fight about? Any big or recurring arguments?)

Their first big fight, the one that really matters, stemmed from miscommunication. Clove was feeling insecure, which snowballed into an exchange of cruel words on both of their parts. Thankfully, they worked through and made up. You can read the whole thing here.

B – Best (What would they say is the other’s best trait?)

Tom's absolute favorite thing about Clove is that, despite her back story, she is soft. This just so happens to be her favorite thing about him, too.

They are able to fight anything that stands in their way and do so almost fearlessly, but when it comes to their moments - the moments in between and after, they have one another. Whether that's tickles on the couch or stuffing their faces full of cookies and pizza, whispering sweet nothings or their closest form of intimacy, they cherish their ability to get rid of walls when they're together.

C – Camera (How do they document their relationships? Who likes to take pictures? Or videos?)

They both have a tendency to reach for their phones and document things. Tom loves taking selfies with her and requires multiple each time, and Clove likes taking pictures of him to scroll through later. He was pleasantly surprised when finding that she has an entire album dedicated to random candid moments of his, and sometimes does things she'd think to be cute while she's holding her phone, just to give her a little something extra.

D – Dates (What are their dates like?)

They've never really been a couple who plan anything even kind of elaborate, though Tom does try. He knows she prefers nights in, so he likes to surprise her with her favorite foods and snacks and either a pile of blankets or a cute pillow fort. They both consider these nights, “date nights,” and it's kind of an inside joke.

E – Early (What was the first month of dating like?)

Awkward. Much of the first month consisted of Clove flirting, Tom missing her advances, and fighting the supernatural. Not the grandest of times.

F – Friends (How is their relationship with each other’s group of friends?)

Amazing. Andy and Clove get along super well, which makes Tom over the moon. He loves when Andy visits and they all play Mario Kart or go on walks together and thinks their sassy personalities go hand in hand. He doesn't even mind when he becomes the butt end of their joke.

Tom and Clove's bestie, Ricky, didn't meet in person for a few months, but they quickly became buddies and they even have their own group chat with Elliot for when Tom has some...plans... about doing something special for her. 😉

G – Gifts (Do they like giving each other gifts? What kind?)

Tom always wants to pay for things because he thinks it's chivalrous, but Clove couldn't care less. Truth is, it's always kind of a battle with these two. They love to spoil one another and do so very often, no matter if it's a new item or something hand made.

Clove spun and sculpted an entire collection of MCU mugs for Tom’s first birthday when they were together, which inspired him to start sketching again as he did in middle school (inspired by one of his heroes, Ben Park.) He draws her cute little doodles on the mirror in dry erase marker and she swoons every single time.

H – Hugs (All things involving hugs)

Clove is a laying down hugger. So in other words, she likes to face Tom, wrap her arms around him, and simultaneously hold each other. Tom doesn't hug people too often apart from his family and close friends on occasion, but he absolutely adores her hugs. He often comments on her scent and softness, and she melts in his warmth.

I – Inside Jokes (Do they have any?)

Too many. Like, actually too many. Sometimes it's hard to keep track.

J – Jealousy (Who gets jealous easier? How do they show their jealousy?)

Tom surprises himself at his lack of jealousy now that they're together. At first, he second guessed himself more than he should have, but now he knows how solid they are. Clove, however, tends to harbor a bit of jealousy when others check him out. She never says anything and she doesn't make a show of it, but he notices the look in her eyes when she catches someone admiring his looks. He'll jokingly elbow her and wiggle his eyebrows, mouthing, “Love you,” and she holds his hand a little tighter as if to thank him for that gentle reassurance.

K – Kiss (How do they kiss? Who usually initiates?)

They both initiate in their own ways, very distinctly. Tom starts slow, usually gently swiping his fingers across her waist as he pulls her in, sweetly rubbing his nose with hers before he kisses her. He prefers pecks in public, but when they're in a safe place, he drinks her kisses like fine wine. Slow, steady, loving, almost as if he's afraid he'll run out of her. Kissing Tom is an experience, one that fills her entire heart with butterflies no matter how many times she's done it.

Clove's kisses are just as gentle, but mix in a heap of sensuality. She doesn't care who sees, but respects Tom's aversion to too much PDA. She kisses him with fire, whether slow burning or fierce flickers, leaving lingering love marks on that special place just behind where his hair falls on his neck. Not too dark, but enough for him to hold onto in moments of her absence. He is a big fan of this.

L – Love (How do they first say those three words?)

You already know the canon version, but in my fic universe...the night they finally become intimate. He's so nervous for her to say it, and it's almost a fight to fit it in, but it's a tender and beautiful moment.

M – Movies (What kinds of movies do they watch together? Is it a regular Netflix ritual?)

Clove is a horror girl at heart, even after the wild experiences they have in Pine Springs. Tom is okay with this, and he happily binges films with her, but he really loves anything related to the MCU and anything funny or action packed. When they can't decide what to watch, they put Bob's Burgers on and snuggle, which genuinely is their routine nowadays. They love it.

N – Nicknames (Things they call each other)

Tom's nicknames for Clove, in order of his most to least fave : Love, Angel, Babe, Baby

Clove's nicknames for Tom, in order of her most to least fave : Tommy, Baby, Babe, Honey, Sweetie, Dear

O – One (Tell us about the moment they realized they were with the one.)

Clove will argue that she's always known, and stands by that. In truth, it was one moment soon after meeting him, after their first kiss in Westchester, when he was falling asleep while they'd gone out for pizza. He jolted up to pretend he wasn't asleep, hair falling in his face. He said, “I'm awake! You're pretty.” She knew.

Tom knew she was the one very early on but doesn't have one moment pinpointed. She reminds him each morning that she kisses his cheeks and every time she calls him, “Tommy.”

P – Pizza (What is their favorite food to eat together?)

Pizza, specifically pizza from the good bread place down by the spice market. They have the best cheese pulls and Tom is a huge sucker for their jalapeño breadsticks on the side.

Q – Quit (Do they break up? Almost break up? What happened?)

No. Even during their biggest fight, neither of them could fathom leaving the other. This would have been catastrophic for them, as both of them have their hearts and minds set on only loving one another.

R – Rainy Days (How do they comfort each other on dark days?)

Tom is very nurturing, as taught by his grandparents at a young age. She loves when he sings, and though he doesn't do it often, he will always delight her ears when she's down. He likes to light her favorite candles, prepare her bath water, he warms her towel and makes her snacks. He's even sat on the bathroom floor and held her hand during one of said baths, which has quietly become one of her most treasured memories of their relationship.

Clove knows exactly what Tom needs in all of his moods, especially the down ones. He thrives on positive affirmations, so much of the time, she will spoon him and brush his hair with her fingers while telling him how wonderful he is and how much she loves him. He gets tingles when she plays with his hair and sometimes he'll give her puppy dog eyes and sit on the floor in front of her, leaning his head back into her lap. She loves it too and doesn't mind the extra practice for if they ever have a long haired baby one day.

S – Soft (Something one of them did that turned the other into absolute mush)

These two are the epitome of soft for one another. Just this morning, Tom was pouring a bowl of cereal after Clove had gone to her studio. He noticed her lipstick stain on the mug she'd left on the counter, and it almost made him tear up. He just really loves her, okay? On her way to the studio, he sent her a good morning selfie and she felt her insides go melty. She pulled into the parking lot and held her phone to her chest, smiling, before sending one back. She just really loves him, okay?

T – Texting (Do they text each other a lot? What do they usually talk about over the phone?)

They text each other random things all day long, which usually consists of memes and bad jokes, but Tom loves her studio selfies. She'll even use clay scraps to spell out silly messages and send them to him, while he sends her scrunch faced pictures in return. They're ridiculously sappy and even more cute.

As for phone calls, they don't have those very often, and the ones they do...well, this is meant to be SFW...so let's skip it.

U – Unique (Tell us about some of their odd habits that surprised one another.)

Clove was shocked when Tom revealed himself to be very, very clean. He doesn't leave things around, he does his dishes as he uses them, and his apartment always smells as clean as it looks. Sometimes he misses laundry, but for the most part, he's a clean guy. She differs from him a little, meaning she will leave things in the living room (like books, magazines, makeup) creating a little clutter. Tom secretly likes this, because it makes him feel like his place is becoming a home. Their home.

V – Vanity (Something they’re proud of in themselves and their partner)

Clove's art skill is way more than she'd ever let on, so much so that her only job is her art - and it's enough. She is mad talented and very self sustaining, and this is her point of pride. She loves what she does and she knows she's among the best.

Tom’s great at anything technical and can figure things out very quickly. This enables him to essentially breeze through college and also maintain his new job position at a tech firm. He's an excellent learner and a fast one at that, and he is very proud of where he's headed.

They are proud of one another for these things, sure, but more so, they are proud of one another for the strength and fire they each hold.

W – Wedding (Tell us about your wedding head canon if they’ve gotten that far. Or if not, have they talked about it?)

You'll just have to wait and see.

X – X (Something they hate about the other)

Hate is a strong word, but Clove really does wish he'd remember to put the seat down. He usually laughs and calls her, “little wet booty,” but she really, really doesn't think it's funny. On the other end, Tom wishes she'd stop leaving bobby pins and matches everywhere. The girl loves candles and the sound a match makes when it strikes, but he's sick of picking them up all the time.

Y – Youtube (What are they like online? Do they post about their relationship constantly?)

They post about their relationship on special occasions and extra sappy days, but they do frequently post updated photos together.

Z – Zoo (Are they into animals? Do they want pets? What kind?)

They're both dog people and they'd love one or two, but they're waiting to get a house instead of Tom's little apartment and her studio. Clove also wouldn't mind some kind of rodent, but when she held a mouse up to him at the pet store, he may have shrieked a little. No rodents for Tom.

#tom x clove #tom sato #softs #write things

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shemakesmusic-uk · 4 years

Photo

Getting to Know...

Rosa Bordallo.

Rosa Bordallo fka Manett is a singer-songwriter and musician based in Brooklyn. She is a CHamoru from the island of Guam in the Marianas, an archipelago in Micronesia. She came to New York at the age of 19. She was a member of the band cholo.

Last month Bordallo released Reef Walker, a deeply personal indie rock record with poignant lyrics that investigate identity, loss, belonging, society, historical trauma, and hope.

We had a chat with Rosa all about Reef Walker, her background and influences, creative process and more. Read the Q&A below.

Hi Rosa. Please tell us a bit about yourself. What led you to make music and who/what are your biggest influences?

"Hi! Thank you for this opportunity to share my work! I’m a singer/songwriter based in New York City. I am also a Pacific Islander, specifically an indigenous person from Guam who identifies as CHamoru. I was born and raised there, and I started playing guitar and writing songs as a teenager. I came to NYC in the early 2000’s for film school, and I have been living and working here since then. The first year I was here, I joined a post-punk band called cholo that was formed by Felipe Flores. We played in small clubs and venues around town for almost ten years. We also released three full-length albums and one EP. Around 2010 I started making music by myself under the alias Manett, and I also released a few solo EPs under that alias.

"Making music was a natural progression for me since listening to music has always been an important coping mechanism. They say imitation is the best form of flattery, so I try to emulate my heroes and hopefully something new and interesting comes out of it. I’ve always been someone who needs to express myself, whether writing in a journal, writing poetry, doodling or dancing. I think making a record, as a creative endeavor, suits me in a lot of ways because I can draw on those other forms of expression. Also I get easily distracted and I’m not terribly disciplined so it’s nice to have a record - an artifact, a piece of evidence - to show that I didn’t just waste all my time surfing the internet!

"In terms of influence, there are too many to list, but I draw a lot from rock & roll and all its derivatives and revivals particularly psych rock, garage, punk, post-punk, new wave, and grunge. I’ve always been drawn to women with loud guitars and loud personalities -- PJ Harvey, Björk / The Sugarcubes, Dog Faced Hermans, Bikini Kill, Slant 6, Cyndi Lauper, The Breeders, Babes in Toyland. I love unapologetically weird women like Lene Lovich, Lydia Lunch, Nina Hagen, and Siouxsie Sioux. I can go on! Other major influences from my youth are the Pixies, David Bowie, Nirvana, and the Velvet Underground. I think what they all have in common is an irreverence, a willingness to break norms and do something unconventional while keeping a certain integrity. None of them were trying terribly hard to be different - they were just drawing inspiration from their personal frustration and observations of the world and creating something special from that.

You recently released your album Reef Walker. What is the record about, what does it mean to you and what do you hope listeners will take away from it?

"Reef Walker is my first full-length album as a solo artist. I picked that title because I see myself as being able to navigate a gulf that is psychological, cultural, and emotional in nature. As an indigenous person who has lived the first half of my life in my native community and in a remote part of the world, and then spent the second half in this metropolis on the other side of the world, I grapple with the guilt that my loyalties are divided and that I am not spending enough time with my family and native community. On the other hand, I wouldn’t be who I am today if I didn’t leave my place of origin and to live in this new and wildly different place. I think there are many people past and present who have my experience of alienation but it’s not represented in our culture - or if it is, it’s an inadequate representation. I often think about the Japanese castaway Otokichi, later known as John Mathew Ottoson, as well as the Inuk man Minik Wallace, when I need to remind myself why I’m doing what I’m doing.

"I also like the imagery that is evoked from that title. I spent a lot of time at the beach and on my dad’s boat as a kid. It’s actually treacherous to walk along the reef during low tide, because the high tide can come in unexpectedly and drown you, or a rip current can pull you out to sea. It’s also not good to touch or step on coral. Not only is it a living organism that should be protected, but some coral can sting you. But snorkeling and swimming along the reef is a transcendent experience. My ancestors were expert fishermen and seafarers. The album title is as much an homage to them and to all the CHamoru people and other Pacific Islanders who have ties to Oceania.

"All I ask of anyone who hears my album is to have an open mind. I think one reason music is powerful and interesting is because it can be appreciated across cultural divides. I try not to concern myself with how my music is received. I just try to make music that I personally enjoy so if someone else enjoys it, it’s a nice surprise. As for your readers, if you anything about my story sparks your curiosity, I would ask you to explore the histories of indigenous people because much of it has been suppressed and erased.

"There is much needed attention being given to climate change but we should remember that indigenous communities have always been putting their bodies on the line to protect the land, water, and other natural resources. In my own homeland of the Marianas, the U.S. military is about to expand their presence to build two live-fire training ranges that would drastically impact our main aquifer and our wildlife as well as desecrate important ancestral lands. In North America, there’s the oil and gas cartel, and there’s the missing and murdered indigenous women crisis (aka MMIW) which disproportionately affects trans and queer native folx. In South America, the Amazon is being burned down to benefit illegal loggers and farmers. It’s easy to get overwhelmed, but if you consider yourself a moral person, it’s your responsibility to educate yourself about these things. If you’re in North America, there’s a great online resource (native-land.ca) where you can learn about the tribes and nations that first settled the land where you currently live. The International Indigenous Youth Council (indigenousyouth.org) is another good online resource because it shares news from indigenous communities around the world."

What was your favourite part recording Reef Walker?

"It was really fun to record in three different spaces that were also living spaces. We started tracking in Duane Lauginiger’s old basement studio, which was right below his garden apartment in Brooklyn. He called that place Time Castle, hence the name of the cassette label that released the album. Then we went to a private house in Piermont, NY, for the second tracking session. And then finally did a day and night of recording in a converted church in Craryville, NY. Each space had its own quirks and novelties but Duane (the producer-engineer) was really nimble about setting up and adapting. I really like working in a place full of paintings and objets d’art and tchotchkes as opposed to a sterile recording studio that looks more like the set of a bad sci-fi movie."

Please talk us through your songwriting/creative process.

"I have a full-time day job so I just try to make regular time for myself to clear my head, and any ideas I get, I will record it on my phone or my computer. Then I spend a lot of time listening and thinking about these initial ideas. I try to give them enough space to breathe and present themselves to me. I don’t like to exhaust myself working on song ideas that are not particularly compelling to me. If I like hearing it over and over in my head, then chances are it will be interesting enough to sustain my attention long enough to develop it into a complete song and recording.

"I almost always come up with the music first before I think of any lyrics. Sometimes I will have an idea for a melody and lyric together, but I don’t get too attached to the first lyrics I come up with. I also take random notes all the time, about anything and everything, so sometimes I have a poem or a musing that I’ve written down which will get repurposed for song lyrics.

"It’s useful for me to have a theme or concept in mind, something that will spark my curiosity and help me be emotionally invested. With Reef Walker I initially had Woman in Suitcase as the working title. That was the force that brought it into being. I meditated on that a lot while writing the songs. I currently have a working title for my second album, so I’ve been meditating on that. I also did this for my first EP, The Sea Urchin, which was my first stab at making songs that were very personal, as opposed to hiding behind a group project which I did with cholo, my previous band. The sea urchin was a powerful image for me at that time, because I felt very vulnerable putting myself out there. Imagining a shy sea creature with crazy-looking spikes, just chilling in the water and paying attention to its surroundings - that kept me motivated to finish the recordings and put it out into the world.

"In general I just try to stay inspired and curious about things. The urge to create comes out of frustration but also out of appreciation for and communion with other people’s creations. And there are so many wonderful creations out there. I see this as a creative practice, rather than a creative process, because for me it’s more about being grounded and responsive to what’s put before me, rather than about checking off items on a to-do list or making sure that a particular set of actions is followed."

Finally, what are your plans for 2020?

"I plan on touring and writing my second album. Stay tuned!"

Reef Walker is out now.

#getting to know #rosa bordallo #reef walker

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untildawnremus · 6 years

Text

The Art of Falling in Love

Pairing: Young!Sirius x Reader

Requests: Hello, can I please request sirius black imagine where gryffindor reader meets big black dog and has no idea it's sirius, and she pets him and sees him everyday and she paints this dog and marauders (including siris) see the painting in her sketchbook, reader tells them about this dog and they smirk knowingly. after some time she finds out who the dog is by accident, you decide the ending, sorry if it's too specific ❤ - Anonymous

: Can you please write an imagine with the gryffindor reader being close to all the Marauders boys? not a lot of writers really make enough friendship instances with the marauders and can it be heavy on Sirius tho? - Anonymous

A/N: I personally love Art so this was a lot of fun to write. Also THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO OFFERED ME THEIR FRIENDSHIP. I LOVE YOU ALL.

Word Count: 3.6k (I had too much fun)

Art has many forms. There wasn’t a time in your life that didn’t involve art and your love for it. The art of music plays like the melodies coming from your muggle father’s guitar or the myriad of photographs hung around the walls and kept in albums by your mother. You were exposed to almost all forms of art as you grew up and they never faded from you.

“What about this one (Y/n)? What’s it called?” Peter asked, holding one of your smaller canvases in his hand. It had your repainted version of the ‘Birth of Venus’ by Sandro Botticelli.

“I believe it’s called ‘Naked and Afraid’, Wormtail.” James commented, patting the smaller boy on the back and shared a smirk with his other friend, Sirius.

They had begun calling each other some odd nicknames just a few weeks ago. Neither you or your other companions could understand the meaning behind them and the four refused to give you an explanation. In the end, you figured it was all some inside joke.

“Ha. Ha. Very funny.” You rolled your eyes, taking the painting and placing it back on it’s stand. “You have no respect for the art of painting and the renaissance.”

“I think your work is beautiful.” Sirius said, picking up one of your collections of sketchbooks from the top of your dresser.

“Do you now?” You took a step towards him, leaning over his shoulder. He was busy admiring your doodles of the castle you’d often drawn when you were bored. As an artist, you’d never really considered your art picture perfect. There were always some flaws.

“Exquisite masterpiece, darling.” He laughed, pointing at the drawing of himself. A smirk made it’s way on the boy’s face at his portrait.

The day you decided to draw him was the day he realized how much he fell for you, with your sharp eyes attempting to study his feature as you furrowed your brows trying to sketch his face. You’d bite your lip as you carefully made the curve of his own. He did the best he could to show you of his feelings—with humorous and flirtatious comments layered over one of love.

“Figured you would say that, you narcissist.” You laughed, ruffling his shaggy black hair.

“Is this a repainting of the ‘School of Athens’ but in Hogwarts?” Remus asked from the other side of the room to which you were quick to answer as you sauntered over to him, leaving Sirius to browse through your sketch books alone.

Not long before his grey eyes that were scanning the strokes of charcoal but now of you as you shared a smile with Remus from across the room. He watched as you pointed something in disgust that he would guess is another “flaw” you had made. Sirius smiled to himself before James slid his way next to him.

“If I were you, I’d go for it before she slips away.” The Potter boy said, giving his friend an encouraging nudge.

“Yeah, because you’d have a better chance of not being rejected.” Sirius remarked, sarcastically.

“You know there are a million other girls, Padfoot.” James looks back at you as you laughed at something Remus had said. Your eyes crinkling in the cutest way possible that mad Sirius’ stomach flip.

“But there’s only one girl like her.” He finished, eyes never leaving the sight of your happy state.

Sirius couldn’t understand why he did what he did. He knew it was wrong. Yet he did it anyway. A few days after you had given your four mischievous friends permission to look through your “gallery” as they would say (which was basically just your dorm room that your roommates were kind enough to let you decorate with your art work). You found yourself outside the castle, resting against the wood of a large tree that on the softest bed of grass. Your leg was crossed over the other, your leather bound sketchbook laying down on your lap. One of the reasons why you loved the time of Spring were the changes of nature. The blooming of flowers in their iridescent manner.

“Hogwarts...Hogwarts...Hoggy Watty Hogwarts....” Humming the tune of the school hymn for no reason at all, you began to outline the small patch of lilies that fully grown just a few fee away from where you sat.

From afar, Sirius’ gray eyes had been focused on you for over fifteen minutes. He had told his friends he had some unfinished business with his little brother, Regulus but that was all a lie just to be alone with you...or alone by himself while observing you that is. He didn’t consider his action as stalking you, more of protecting you if there was anything to happen, at least that’s what he told himself over and over.

The calm atmosphere had prompted you ponder over the current events of your life. Your younger sibling would be attending Hogwarts next year and your parents were ever so subtly debating whether or not they’d end up in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. Friends like the four boys you’d grown to love were slowly becoming your family, brothers you’d never expect to have. However, you always thought that one over the other three would hopefully be something more than just a friend.

Sirius was without a doubt one of the most attractive boys in your year alone. Other girls tried to catch his attention but none of them seemed to stand out to him—as he had told you countless times before. It did give you a small pint of hope over the collumn of a little school girl crush.

Just as you had magically twisted your pencil into a self-inking quill, a thick wooden stick had been dropped to your side. Curiously, you turned from the stick to the sky, assuming a squirrel might have caused it to fall. But then a shaggy black furred canine made it’s way over to you in a pounce like manner.

“Hi there...” You smiled, eyes still squinted in confusion but your hand made it’s way to the dog’s head. There wasn’t any sign of the animal being the dangerous, he was calm if not happy so to say, his black tail wagging in excitement.

“You’re a good dog, aren’t you?” You cooed, scratching the back of his ear then moving to rub his belly once he rolled over. “I don’t remember Hagrid having another dog.”

You were certain Hagrid only had Fang (Who is currently no larger than a quaffle at the moment) and you knew that pup was Boarhound and not a German shepherd. The dog didn’t have a collar of any sort that would aid you in finding his owner of even know the canine’s name. He must’ve been a stray.

“Must be hard not having a name.” You told him. if he wasn’t do adorable, you’d call yourself insane for talking to it. The hound bumped his nose onto your still opened sketchpad, his face clumsily moving the pages until he decided to stop on a certain page that the famous four boys sketched in black ink.

“Those are my friends.” Pointing you each boy, you stated their names. “That’s Peter, he’s kind of the shy type of guy unless he’s told to do something bad then he shows his wild side.”

You pointed to the one with a faint scars, smiling. “This one’s Remus. He’s insanely sweet and charming. Although, i do wonder where he gets the scars from. He said he’d tell me one day.”

When you turned to the dog, his mouth had twitched, almost as if it were smirking.

“The one next to him is James. Bit of an oddball that one, Leader of this little foursome, head over heels for my friend Lily but I know she’s starting to like him too.”

James would be jumping for joy if Sirius told him this, but he knew he couldn’t in case you’d both get suspicious on how he knew.

“This one right here though is Sirius Black.” You grinned, eyeing your own work at the pretty boy. “He’s kinda the second-hand man as I’d say. Causes havoc too many times for me to count. Kinda reckless too and irresponsible no doubt.”

Sirius began to bow his head in shame at your words, until his small head shot up at the sound of you giggling softly.

“But he makes me laugh nonetheless.” You lifted your hand to pet the hound’s fur once more, smiling in content. “I just wish...”

The boy—well dog held on to your words only to watch you sigh and shake your head. You couldn’t admit to yourself that you liked the guy as much as any other girl but even telling a dog that probably couldn’t understand what you were saying seemed to difficult to pursue.

“Never mind.” Sirius slumped his body, pushing his face more onto your hand to urge you one but you only shook your head once more. You turned the page of your drawing of a random girl with a parasol.

“This one is inspired by one of my favorite artists.” You said with enthusiasm. “Claude Monet’s style has always been my favorite. I actually never told anyone that. I even have an unfinished portrait in my dorm of one of his paintings.”

The dog stared at you only to glance back at the drawing before him. You continued to go through the pages until the sky turned dark causing you to frown. “I’m sorry, furball but I best be heading back to my dorm. Wouldn’t want to get into any trouble.”

Closing your book shut, you dusted off the dirt from beneath your skirt and bent down to be in the same level as the black German shepherd. “You should head home now, if you have one. I’d take you in but Hogwarts doesn’t allow dogs in the castle and I wouldn’t want to force Hagrid to watch over you.”

“Just try to find some place safe, okay?” You rubbed the dog’s head one last time before you stood up but he was quick to give your cheek a quick lick before you did. A laugh escaped your lips as you turned back to head inside the castle. “Bye now...”

Sirius sat on the grass, still an animagus, watching you walk towards the steps of the castle and your (Y/h/c) hair disappearing into the cobbled building. He had a weird feeling in his stomach. He kissed your cheek, as a dog but still, it was a kiss. It felt wrong to deceive you like that. Truth is, he didn’t mean to but something just came over him. A side of him told him it was okay as long as you’d never know, continue to make you smile like he did moments before. But another told him he shouldn’t do it again.

He promised he wouldn’t

And that was the biggest lie he ever told himself.

The week that followed consisted of the same routine from you. After classes you’d go outside and draw while the sun was still shining upon the spring landscape. Everyday, you’d draw something new for everyday you had a different muse. And everyday, that black dog just came back to the same spot you were always on. It didn’t bother you one bit that he found comfort in your presence and company but you knew you couldn’t keep him or anything. When the time comes, you’d have to leave Hogwarts and never see him for a while and your parents wouldn’t let you own a dog. Your father was allergic to dog fur.

Sirius hated himself for sticking around but at the same time he loved himself for doing so.

There’d be a time when you’d play fetch all afternoon and start chasing each other around the area but today you both seemed to be after relaxation. Your was almost finished with only a single page left before you’d have to purchase another. It was a motivation to draw more in the day plus James made a bet to get you a new one if you filled it up by the end of the month.

“I bet you can’t even finish a whole hundred pages sketchbook in less than three weeks.” James said, crossing his arms with a boyish smile.

“Is that a challenge?” You rose your brow, mischievously.

“Don’t do it.” Remus advised the Potter boy but to no avail. James held out his hand, confidently smiling your way as you set your deal in stone.

You had no clue what to draw of next, the flowers around you were beautiful but none were brand new or stood out. Snuffles, as you secretly called the canine in your head was sleeping soundly on top of your lap. You held your sketch book in one hand and a paintbrush on the other. Remus had aided you in bewitching the brush to spurt out any color you wished, however there wasn’t anything you could paint at the moment.

Your eyes dropped to the black furball that was in deep slumber on your lap, his body curled ever so slightly close to your body. With lips tugged into a shy smirk, your switch to using your quill and began your next masterpiece.

“James!” You called in a sing-song voice entering his dorm room shared with his three other companions. Their fifth roommate always stayed away from the room which was one of the smartest decisions ever made in your opinion.

“To what do we owe the pleasure, (Y/n)?” James grinned, placing an arm over your shoulders, catching the attention of the other three boys. Sirius watched from his bed with the same grin.

“You, Mr. Potter owe me a new sketchbook.” You beamed proudly, watching his sly face turn into confusion.

“That’s a whole lot of crap.” He said before grabbing your sketchbook from your hands. He flipped through them, eyes widened in shock. “That has to be a record. It’s only been what? A week since you got this one”

“I love art, Potter.” You placed one hand on your hip and the other outstretched before him. “Now pay up.”

“Do I have to?” He groaned.

“A deals a deal, Prongs.” Peter sang from his place by the desk.

“I advised you not to challenge her.” Remus quipped not raising his head from his potions book.

“You know you’re just fueling her artistic flames.” Sirius laughed, sliding out of his bed to stand beside you.

“Fine.” The boy caved. “I’ll get you a new one this week.”

Sirius watched your face fill with delight, causing his own to do the same. If only he could just tell you how much he fancied you, but his fear of rejection always dominated his mind one way or another. James tossed your sketchbook over to Peter, knowing full well he’d be the first one to look through it anyway. They both began to scan your new art works, pointing out weird shapes and creating voices for the others.

“Did you draw me recently?” He asked, leaning on the wall beside you. “You can’t expect me to think you’d drawn a hundred pages without my darling face in it.”

“Darling face?” in your opinion, he did have a darling, handsome, beautiful face but he didn’t need to know that. You had a knack for hiding your emotions. “I’m guessing you haven’t looked at the mirror recently?”

“You think so poorly of me.” His boyish grin made you weak at the knees. You heart fluttering at the way his eyes were boring into yours.

“Is there a reason for me not to?”

Remus joined the two other marauders as not to bother you and Sirius. They’ll have enough time to tease the boy about it later on. The three of them shared a smile when they saw the drawing you made of the four of them together but instantly had their eyes wide at the last page of your artwork.

They glanced at the other with knowing looks before calling out to you. “Say (Y/n), didn’t know you had a dog.” This caught both yours and Sirius’ attention, turning away from each other to see the three smirking faces from the other marauders.

“What do you mean?” James turned the book to reveal your portrait of Snuffles sleeping soundly. Sirius inhaled a deep breath at the sight of the black dog. He hadn’t known you’d drawn him. He just assumed you just let him stick around as your company.

“Oh he’s not my dog.” You told them. “I found him- well more of he found me by the field just a top of the hill across the castle. He didn’t have a name tag or anything.”

“Yeah, we know this dog.” Peter stated, earning a glare from Sirius who stood behind you.

“You do?” If you weren’t so interested in the thought of finding the canine a home, you would have seen the playful look in their eyes as they nodded.

“Oh yeah.” James continued. “He’s a real rascal. Seen him causing all sorts of trouble back in Hogsmeade one time.”

“Did he try to bother you? We heard it enjoyed bothering some students once in a while.” Remus said, grinning at his dark haired friend.

“Well, I wouldn’t consider it bothering...”

Sirius shook his head not wishing to be in the same room at the moment.

“He just kinda appeared out of nowhere and kept me company. Although he was a bit playful but he was very entertaining the whole week.”

“You spent an entire week with it?” Peter laughed along with the others.

“You know, (Y/n)...that dog is actually—”

“—alright that’s enough.” Sirius butted in, taking the sketchbook from James’ hands and returning it to its rightful owner. “(Y/n) should be finishing her new Claude Monet painting.”

You smiled at him. “Yeah, I guess I should...” Your voice trailed off, giving him a confused look. “How’d you know that was in progress? I don’t remember telling any of you about it.”

And at that moment, Sirius knew he screwed up. “I um...well...”

“I think it’s best if we leave you two alone, ain’t that right boys?” James and Peter agreed with Remus’ suggestion and swiftly left the two of you alone in their messy dorm room.

“Sirius, how do you know about my painting?” You asked once more. “Have you been spying on me?”

“What? No! Well, not exactly.” He mumbled over his words, eyes glued to the floor refusing to look you in the eyes.

“Just tell me, Padfoot.” You took a step closer, bending down trying to catch his gaze. “We don’t keep secrets from each other.”

With his fist clenched tightly into a fist, Sirius took in a deep breath. He prayed you wouldn’t get mad and end your friendship. God know that’s what hurts even more than rejection.

“I’m an animagus.” He stated monotonously, his eyes checking yours to see if you had understood but only saw confusion painted over your features.

“Okay...what does that have to do with...” You gave him a once-over, taking another step closer at the taller boy. Only now did it make sense and barely above a whisper, you said. “You were that dog, weren’t you?”

“That’s why your named Padfoot.” You continued, your lips tugging into a smile. “Are all of you animagi? Why didn’t you tell me? Is that why you all have weird nicknames I couldn’t understand?”

Sirius was shocked to find your excitement filling the room, he watched your eyes twinkle in delight as you rambled. He shook his head, placing his hand on your shoulders to calm you down. You were definitely different compared to other girls. “You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad? This is amazing. How’d you even turn yourselves into an animagus? Isn’t that illegal for our age?”

He scratched the nape of his neck awkwardly. “Moony isn’t really an animagus but it isn’t really my place to tell so...yeah...”

Despite the fact that you’ve been happy over the news, there was still a deep pain deep in his stomach. It may or may not have been the time to tell you but there really wasn’t the right time.

“Also...I’m sorry for interrupting your drawing time as a dog.” He said, staring at you intently. “I uh didn’t know what came over me.”

“Sirius, it’s quite alright.” You placed your sketchbook on their desk before turning back to him. “It was actually a lot of fun hanging out with you as a dog. Although, I don’t know why you did it, I would have joined your company either way.”

“(Y/n)...I like you.” Sirius admitted out of nowhere. His eyes went wide at his own confession checking to see your reaction.

You tilted your head and grinned from ear to ear. “I like you too, Sirius.”

“No, I don’t mean it like that.” He said, taking your hands in his and kept his eyes on them. “I meant I like you as more than friends and I always have. You’re just so beautiful and kind and...”

You used one of your hands to lift his chin up to see him properly. With your heart pounding and stomach churning, you leaned forward. “I never said I did like you back as a friend.”

This made the boy’s own heart do flips at your words. You both stared lovingly at each other switching from your eyes to your lips as his free hand went to caress the side of your cheek. Your lips were millimeters apart until the door burst open to reveal your friends who had been eavesdropping, topple over each other.

“Did you kiss her yet?” Peter lifted his head earning a sigh from both of you but smiling anyway.

The greatest artist spent years upon years of finding their calling and their muse and you certainly didn’t think you’d find yours in a matter of five years.

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brokenmusicboxwolfe · 5 years

Text

On a photo of a not exactly human face I sculpted....

labratbren said: What do you do with them when they are done? Do you ever post pictures of the finished product?

Ah, well, um....short answer? Nothing.

Here’s the longer answer (VERY long)....

While I was always drawn to sculpting, I really didn’t sculpt growing up.

I mean, I tried to use clay I dug out of the ground, drying it in the sun, when I was tiny. Naturally it crumbled except for this lump of a head I still have. In Kindergarden the art teacher had his own kiln and let us use the scraps left over from the pots he had us make. I still have a loop armed alien and creature head I made, but he left with his kiln the next year. The dough art they had us make in second grade was gone by the next year, ‘cause this buggy and humid climate doesn’t agree with it. My parents gave me modling clay, but I hated it. I wanted something that would “stay”.

But everyone acted like sculpting was hard, so maybe I wasn’t missing out.

Then one day, when I was 19 or so, my hands got bored. Anyone would have laughed if I’d said I was bored right then. I had a book open to one side of me, a magazine on the other, as I went back and forth reading both. I was also listening to music AND watching the movie The Brothers Karamazov at the same time. I have this problem where I always feel like I should be doing more, and when I am doing something I get itchy to be doing something else. Like my brain isn’t fully occupied even if I’m really enjoying whatever. That day my hands needed something to do, and there was this block of clay left over from a project one of Pop’s projects (a river system display, I think) It was just sittin’ there on the porch so....

And it turned out sculpting was easy! I mean, maybe not art bit doodling around having fun making faces. Do NOT be intimidated by sculpting! It comes so much more easiy than trying to convert our 3D world into some 2D drawing. Seriously, try drawing a nose head on! But toss on any wedge on a sculpted face and you have a nose...

Ok, maybe I just am bad at drawing! But I really do wish more people would try sculpting.

Anyway, the clay was another dead end, but it did inspire me to hunt for something I could “make stay”. And that something was sculpey.

Whenever I was certain I would have the place completely to myself for a full hour I’d go stand out on the ramp behind the house and sculpt. It wasn’t too often, what with the house also being the office of the family business and my family being the sort of close one that did everything together. I couldn’t sculpt and be watched. All I needed was an our because I sculpted quickly. In an hour I’d have a little bust, rough as heck but with some detail I liked.

But then I ran out of places to put my busts in my already overstuffed bedroom. I solved this by just slicing the faces off and just baking them. I could glue magnets to them and line all the edges of my metal bookcases.

I did dabble in other things. I tried a full figure and made a few little stick figures. I sculpted something from Babylon 5 for my brother, mixed my box painting (I used to paint boxes when I had a table) with sculpting for a Discworld box for Mom, Easter bunnies for my parents, magnets for everyone, Christmas ornaments...

When she saw the Christmas tree ornaments my cousin Katharine, dollhouse collector, roped my into making her a doll. She had specific requirements for a 6″ tall Beast in what I gathered were Regency era clothes from her decription. In my ignorance I assumed the doll would have to have a jointed body, fabric clothes and furry fur, which kinda drove me nuts! But somehow I pulled it off! I sculpted a few more of those little dolls (no sewing on these!) as gifts for my parents and brother, as well as a bit of goofing around for myself (I liked my little Sleestack a couple decades late for little me). But that was that.

Then the weirdest darn thing happened: I was suddenly stricken with a full imaginative block!

I stopped sculpting. I stopped painting boxes. I stopped writing stories. Worst of all I stopped dreaming! I still remember how upsetting that was, this sense of loss. It was like having a part of me paralyzed.

It lasted years. Terrible years.

When my father became sick right after my irreparable rift with my brother, as I was facing the most terrible external loss of my life, something woke back up in me. Constant, vivid dreams, elaborate epics spiraling through night after night, images and stories that writing didn’t full satisfy the need to express. I started painting miniature boxes again. Box after box after box....

But no sculpting.

I dunno why I still didn’t sculpt. I just didn’t.

Then my father died.

Pop’s death was a devistating moment. My father. My best friend. When Pop was sick I told him he couldn’t die because I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to. There is a lot of truth in that. I love Mom dearly, but our brains work very differently. Pop might have been smarter, and his depth of knowledge was certainly mind blowing, but our mental wiring followed a similar eccentric pattern. That said, somewhere along the line my parents and I had become a sort of unit, functioning as one. Think one of those anime giant robots made of smaller ships, Voltron or something. Then imagine it functioning with the head section missing. Five years later we still feel that void.

So anyway, Pop was dead, the family business gone with him, and I was unemployed with no qualifications in a rural area with few job opportunities anyway. This was, and frankly still is, not a good situation. And my cousin Katharine thought she had a solution.

Katharine sent me a letter suggesting I make dolls. She’d shown the doll I’d made her to a dealer who said I had talent, and she sent me a copy of Art Doll Quarterly to show me that my “weird” stuff might have a market...

Honestly I felt inspired by this. I immediately seriously considered it. I’d work a bit bigger than 6″ scale, sculpt the clothes instead of the stress and tedium of sewing, and figure out a way to do ball joints. Because each thing would be unique (until I could teach myself mold making) and letting go of something I make is soooo hard for me, I decided to use the story of one of my painted boxes as inspiration. I’d make wolf people, which I figured would create enough sameness to help me let go, but enough variety to keep me from being bored. I quickly sketched out a reasonable design and got to work.

Obviously things didn’t turn out to be so simple. Sculpting ball joints by hand is fiddly to manage. It would need a bit of experimenting. I could do a head on day, casually. I could do the upper body, arms and waist joint with a lot of effort another day. A third day would be waist and legs. Fourth day was the hellish threading. I wasn’t set up for safely storing unbaked work in progress, so I had to do these marathon one sitting sculptings on the bodies. Then I’d rest up a few days and just sculpt a few heads.

The ball jointing drove me nuts. So I gave myself permission to not worry about wolfheads, but just sculpt whatever head happened. From the backlog of heads I’d just pick one to experiment with body making. In just a couple months I was making progress.

The first discouragement came with an art show. The county has a sort of art society and they were having a sculpture show. I was scared silly to show my work to anyone, since at that point it was 2014 and I wasn’t even on Tumblr. No one had seen them. Still, when I went to see about entering the lady there was encouraging. I was soooo nervous and tentatively hopeful when I went to the grand opening with Mom amd my cousin Shirley. I was soon deflated. No one seemed to notice my figures. My work was the odd one out anyway in a sea of found object sculptures, colored paper masks and ceramics abstractly suggesting the figural. Also, everyone there knew each other and so no one was talking to me. At one point I did this really sad thing of hovering near my figures in case anyone came near so I could sorta maybe get them to notice them....

When the show ended a few weeks later the lady very nicely said at least a couple school children had liked weird figures, ‘cause, you know, kids like that fantasy stuff. I definitely should sculpt a lot bigger and maybe use terra cotta instead....

Yeah. I felt my stuff was crap. I was crap. Why had I ever thought anyone would like my crap? Heck, I’d thought I’d at least find a club I could join, belonging, friends....

But, I kept at the doll making experimenting, crap or not. That winter it was too cold for much sculpting in my unheated house, but I could work on trying to figure out how to paint them....

Then life happened don’t ya know. At first I thought it was a temporary break while I dealt with crisis after another. I kept sculpting heads, strictly sculpting a head a day (still just an hour each)....until the spreading collapsed floor situation forced me to move the box I’d made for storing the bodiless heads out. And that was that for doll making.

Still, I kept sculpting. I went back to just the faces....

And that’s where I am now. I gave up sculpting every day, because I no longer have time. I watch a movie and sculpt. I bake the face and take pics I post on here. I wrap ‘em in tissue and put them in a storage container....

And that’s it.

I don’t do anything with them. I’m not entirely convinced there is any point anymore. My life isn’t going to include free time. Or tables to work on. It has been years after all, and it gets less and less likely I’ll make anything more than a few boxes full of chipped up sculpey faces for the nephews to find when I die. Well, unless they follow my brother’s advice and throw them out unopened! LOL

I sculpt just ‘cause I sculpt. I post pics of them on Tumblr, ‘cause Mom isn’t really all that interested in looking at them. They aren’t ever going to be anything, but I guess if I enjoy making them and someone out there likes looking at them that’s okay. They may be nothing, but that’s something.

#comments #art #sculpting #artists on tumblr

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bloodanddiscoballs · 2 years

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what age did you start investing into your artistic skills and was there anything specific that inspired you to do so? do you dream often, and what are your dreams usually like (how vivid, what kind of details do they focus on, are there any reoccurring ones)? have you ever imagined an ideal afterlife, what would that look/be like for you?

These are such cool questions thank you!!!

1.) What age did you start investing into your artistic skills and was there anything specific that inspired you to do so?

All my life I've been an avid daydreamer. I'm an only child and my parents always joke about how they could never truly put me in timeout/punish me cause I'd make a blank wall interesting. I've always talked to myself and created elaborate worlds in my head and doodled. I'd stare at the ceiling and see creatures in the plaster, all that kinda thing. So for sure it's always been a part of me to be creative. As I got older I started copying cartoons I liked, memorizing their styles, starting with Scooby Doo and SpongeBob being the main two. Other kids would ask me to draw their favorite characters from stuff they liked and if I didn't know the media I'd ask for a magazine clipping (dating me there). I'd make my own original characters and imagine myself going into the shows I liked and drew that too. I even made my own zines and would pass them around. 8yr old me should been chargin I stg. But, and this is honestly such a silly answer, but in 7th grade my English teacher gave us an assignment to research the career we wanted to get into. Now, I'd always thought of being either an artist or a veterinarian cause I both loved to draw and I loved animals. My deciding factor was that I didn't want to see animals in pain every day so I researched being an animator. I loooooved cartoons and wanted to work on them too, my goal being to work on Invader Zim which had come out and ignited my newest obsession (it's also why it holds such a special place in my heart). So from that point on I made it a legitimate goal. The year I went into high-school, my school actually started an animation program that went freshman and sophomore years, combining your Eglish and History classes with the Art class. I was basically stuck with the same kids those two years and anything we learned in one class was taught in tandem with the others and then we'd animate stuff that had to be in line with those topics. What's even cooler was that we would then have meetings with animators at Warner Brothers Studios and they would critique our work and teach us tips and tricks. This was because our teacher was an animator with the studio before he became a teacher, so he swung a deal with his old pals to help teach us. I'm totally gonna brag here but I was at the top of my class along with two other dudes. Out of all of us, I think I'm the only one who actually went on to do anything in the field but that's ok. Ultimately, I found out I didn't actually wanna be an animator but I really loved character design and storyboarding, so my art teacher had me study under him as Independent Study and taught me how to do those things. I ended up getting a scholarship to an art college after entering a competition and getting second place in the nation. I was legitimately going places. Theeeen I broke my back my senior year and everything changed. A week after graduation I had my first back surgery that permanently disabled me and didn't find out it was medical malpractice until 4 years after that. I still tried to attend a different art college but couldn't finish cause my health rapidly deteriorated. I still have applied a lot of that knowledge though and, after a lot of therapy and time, I've found my love for art again after kind feeling like it was robbed from me. Now, my relationship with my art is healthy and happy again and I'm very proud of that.

2.) Do you dream often and what are your dreams usually like (how vivid, what kind of details do they focus on, are there any reoccurring ones)?

I dream every night! Like I said above, I have a very vivid imagination. My dreams are in full color and sound. I dream in full cityscapes! If I'm running through a town, I can hear the sound of music and wind, people talking and laughing, smell coffee and bread as I pass shops. Same goes with the nightmares too. When I was a kid, I'd have horrible night terrors. My parents wouldn't always be able to wake me and they'd have to coax me out sometimes taking 20mins to even do so. I'd say that my nightmares are just as often as the good ones. They're kinda all over the place but a lot of time time I'm running, which is funny cause I can't actually run anymore in real life due to my disability. I'm almost always with someone and they're someone new every time, but I know them and I love them. My good dreams always have a lot of people in them while my nightmares are always void of people. I've had 2 reoccurring dreams my whole life:

1 - It's a nightmare. I'm in my middle school campus. It's night time and I'm trying to get to the parking lot. Every time I go down a hall that I know is towards the exit, I end up coming back to this courtyard that had a tree in the middle of it. Every time I come back to it, the tree is more dead. As the dream goes on, I know that something big is chasing me and I start to get more frantic. I'm running as fast as I can but I know it's behind me somewhere and I've got to leave but I keep coming back to the courtyard. Right before I wake up, I end up back at the courtyard and this MASSIVE shadowy blob creature drags itself out of the darkness across from me. It's got 8 long human arms, 4 on each side. Even though it's made of shadow, I can seen that it's undulating and rippling because it's made up of screaming souls trying to get out of it, but it's got a film of skin over them. It's making these labored breathing sounds that are mixed with cries from the souls. It's towering over me and it whips its head to look at me and instead of a face it has a blank dolls mask on. As it lunges towards me I wake up.

2 - This is a good dream. I'm in this cloud city that has these glittering crystal buildings on each cloud. There's gorgeous foliage that is whisping up from the clouds, framing each building. The trees are pinks and purples and blues and filled with flowers. There's waterfalls pouring over the sides of each cloud that connect unto another and so on. I'm falling but slowly and there isn't any danger in falling. Kinda like the scene in Alice in Wonderland (the Disney animated movie) when she's first falling into Wonderland; a slow fall where I can grab onto things and it feels safe yet odd. There's fairies laughing at how excited I am at the beautiful world around me and they pick at my hair and clothes, flying away from me when I go to touch them. Everything is warm and bright and smells sweet like maybells and strawberries. I wake up when I fall through a cloud.

3.) Have you ever imagined an ideal afterlife? What would that look like/be for you?

I think it would be something like our world tbh. There is so much beauty on our planet. I just think maybe it would be the untouched version of it. No pollution, no destruction of resources. I think you could still cook and eat, but the ingredients just are there without the actual impact to the earth. We live in harmony and side by side with nature. To me, it's laughing and music on the beach, sitting in the warm sun while the sound of the waves crashing filters through. It's warm break broken with people you love and laughing at a joke someone is telling for the 100th time. It's staring at the stars while crikets fill your ears and a blanket is wrapped around your shoulders. I think a perfect afterlife is being able to touch the cosmos and rest in a warm bed while doing so. I think it's our home without strife. I imagine being able to tiptoe in space and touch down back on the cool grass afterwards. So, home and a bit more I guess.

#these were so beautiful thank you

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kindasortaameyzing · 6 years

Text

happy holidays @kaisder!!

@kaisder MERRY CRISMIN BINCH ITS ME!!! YOUR SECRET SANTA!!!! BET YOU NEVER SAW IT COMING HAHAHAH!!!!!

Anyways here’s the soulmate fic you only kind of asked for, whoops, it’s a little bit self-indulgent on my part and very badly written and much longer than I meant for it to be but oh well. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

EDIT: this fic is inspired by this post with @nicolewrites

Most kids didn’t really scribble or draw on their own bodies. They mostly settled for walls or desks as canvasses, preferring the crayons that wouldn’t leave a mark on skin. Middle and high school was mostly the same - the occasional harried note on the wrist, a little doodle on the elbow - but everyone liked to use planners instead, trying to be more responsible than they actually had to be.

College, however, being such a total shitfest, was chock-full of people who barely had the energy to even write down half the assignments they had. As a result, everyone practically had shirtsleeves of ink.

Of course, the fact that your soulmate’s marks on their body showed up on yours could have been cute if it didn’t just confuse everyone all the time. Despite the marks fading after a couple hours, since most people’s soulmates were close to their age, it often meant double the schedules, double the notes, double the scribbles, and double the confusion.

That was the silver lining Iko always told Cinder, anyways, and the latter always just laughed. It was only when the perky best friend had left the room would Cinder look at her forearms, so blatantly full of nothing, not even her own scrawling handwriting. She’d valiantly attempted to communicate with her soulmate when she was younger, scribbling all over her arms, but the disappointment and the lack of faith had set in before long. She’d been so disappointed for so long she couldn’t even feel it anymore - it was more of a detached pity, looking at her tanned arms and the metal hand at the end of the left one, glinting at her.

Maybe it was a good thing she didn’t have a soulmate - she didn’t want to disappoint someone else, too.

Cinder nearly dropped her pliers on her foot when Iko barged into the mechanic shop.

“I’ve arrived!” Iko announced, in tandem with the bells chiming over the door. “And you won’t believe what Emilie wrote to me today!”

“Let me guess,” Cinder grunted, trying to twist in a final bolt, “It’s something so cutesy it’ll make me barf.”

“For your information, it was,” Iko scoffed, then leaned over the desk partitioning the workshop from the front, “And I know you’re a huge softie for cute stuff anyways, so nice try.”

Cinder laughed in concession.

“Cinder! Your poor soulmate is probably getting grease all over their arms!” Iko reprimanded, sliding over the desk and maneuvering through oily machinery strewn around her.

“I don’t think it works like that, Iko.” Cinder said, sighing. “Besides, we’ve been over this.”

Iko huffed and brushed away dirt on a stool before she sat on it, a vain effort to keep her pants clean that Cinder had given up on entirely. “Yes, we have. Just because your soulmate doesn’t write anything -”

“- Doesn’t mean they don’t exist, yeah, got it,” Cinder said detachedly. She almost felt numb saying it, having repeated it to herself for so long it didn’t have meaning anymore.

Iko opened her mouth to say something but got cut off by the ringing bell at the front.

“Hey, Cinder! I just met your soulmate on the street, he’s got no teeth and lives in his mom’s basement, a total catch -” came a loud voice from the front.

“Shut up, Thorne,” Cinder said, “I’ve already met him, and he spends his life mansplaining on tinder.” She swiveled on her chair, met with Thorne’s incessant grin.

“Oh, Cinder. You sure we’re not soulmates?” Thorne pouted, perched on the desk at the front. This had been a running gag ever since they’d met, when she’d fixed his car and he’d told her the worst pickup lines known to man.

“Let’s check, shall we?” Cinder grabbed a pen and drew a quick doodle on her forearm, pointing with the tip to Thorne’s blank one.

“A tragedy,” Thorne said, leaning back dramatically with his hand on his heart.

Iko tsked as she took Cinder’s arm and peered at the drawing. “Really, Cinder? Real mature.”

Cinder tilted her head. “If I actually do have a soulmate, I think they’ll appreciate it.”

“First year of college, Cinder, aren’t you excited?” Iko crooned, swinging her purse and twirling on the rain-drenched pathway to the entrance.

“Sure,” Cinder grunted, pulling her bags as well as her friend’s, “It would be if I didn’t have to work my ass off for every second I stay on campus.”

“Oh, pfft.” Iko said, waving the very thought off. “Everyone has to do that.”

They stilled as a black limousine pulled up to the curb, photographers materializing next to it. A chauffeur got out, opening the door to a figure blocked to Cinder’s view by the paparazzi.

Cinder nodded in the car’s direction. “Not that kid, I bet.”

A sudden weight landed on Cinder’s shoulders, making her wince and grounding her to a full stop. “Those douchebag trust-fund rich kids, am I right?” Thorne said, fingers tapping on Cinder’s collarbone. “Insufferable.”

“You’re a douchebag trust-fund rich kid, Thorne.”

“Well not anymore I’m not.” Thorne clenched his jaw. “Dad cut me off after I quit the ROTC.”

“Oh. I - I’m sorry, Thorne.”

Thorne shook his head. “Nah, don’t be. I have my ways.”

It was just then that the photographers cleared a hole and she managed to get her first glimpse at him.

Iko’s gasp was almost exactly what her heart felt like. “Oh, my god. I think - I think I’ve seen him somewhere. Quick, Cinder, do you remember that guy on that magazine -”

“I don’t,” Cinder said, forcing herself to rip away her gaze from him, “ and you’re going to have to be more specific.”

Thorne grunted. “Looks like I’ve got competition. He’s going to be a problem.”

Cinder sniffed, shouldering her bags. “Whatever. As long as he’s not mine.”

As it turned out, this kid very much was her problem.

He was in her political science class, sitting at the very front while she perched herself at the back and to the far right. Once class begun, she wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse that she had a clear view to him and his stupidly captivating expressions whenever the professor talked about something he seemed to like.

She decided it was a curse when she left the class and realized that she hadn’t paid attention to a single thing the professor had said except that it was all critical information for a quiz next week.

But she couldn’t get rid of him. He showed up in her bioengineering class, clearly completely out of his element. Shooing away the chauffeur - or maybe a personal secretary, or something - he slipped into the seat next to hers, shooting her a quick smile before opening up a sleek, state-of-the-art laptop.

She resolutely ignored him, as well as the fluttering feeling in her stomach, until he tapped her on the shoulder at the end of class.

“Hi, uh. Could you - help me?” He said, eyes large and pleading.

“Well that’s quite an introduction.” Cinder mused, smiling slightly, stuffing her left hand into her pocket as discreetly as possible.

“Sorry. I’m - I’m Kai.” He stuck out a hand, his smile blinding despite the guilty look on his face.

“Cinder.” She waited as he stared at her for a moment, stuffing her hand in deeper out of reflex. “Sorry, um, what did you need help with?”

“What? Oh,” Kai shook his head out of his reverie and chuckled, “Well, to be frank, I didn’t understand a single thing of what went on in that class. And you seemed to know a lot, so -”

“You’d like me to tutor you.”

“Well,” Kai said, rubbing his neck, “Um, yes.”

Cinder tilted her head, scrutinizing him. “Okay. Sure”

He perked up immediately, his eyes lighting up. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, um, what should I pay you? Sorry, I’ve never really -”

Cinder thought about it for a moment. She’d never done this before either, but it could be a way out of long, sleepless nights at the workshop and odd jobs done just to scrounge up some money.

Then she felt like she was some sort of charity case and decided against it.

“Actually,” she said, “I have a proposition to make. I tutor you in bioengineering - and you tutor me in political science.”

He processed this for a moment. “Sure.”

As Cinder walked away a few minutes later, his number burning in the contacts on her phone, she couldn’t help but feel happier than a normal person would after agreeing to give up 9 hours a week at the library.

“So, essentially, the wire has to be calibrated to the frequency of the electricity going through your neurotransmitter.” Cinder pointed at the textbook that Kai was squinting at.

“Oh - oh, I get it. Alright.” He leaned back, satisfied in his eureka moment.

Cinder’s watch beeped. “Well - my one and a half hours are up. Time for politics.”

Kai grinned, rubbing his hands together in mock anticipation as Cinder brought out the textbook from her bag. They were only a few pages into the chapter when Cinder stopped paying attention to the words and started paying more attention to the look in his eyes as he explained it to her.

She was so lost in her daydream that her elbow knocked a lamp over, and she shot out a hand to catch it reflexively.

She didn’t realize that she had used her left hand until Kai was staring straight at it.

She cursed, retracting her hand, but Kai caught it. “I didn’t know you had a metal hand.”

Cinder sighed. If he was going to run away revolted, she might as well give him the whole reason. “Half of my left leg is, too.”

Kai furrowed his eyebrows. “It’s -”

Closing her eyes and biting her tongue, she closed the textbook and shoved it into her bag. “Disgusting, yeah, I know. I don’t need the reminder.”

“No, I - where are you going?” Kai looked up as she stood, hefting her bag on her shoulder.

“Well, I figured you didn’t really want to work with a - well, a -”

“A really cool girl with a really cool hand.” Kai raised an eyebrow, smirking. “The only reason I’d be mad at you is because you’re practically cheating at bioengineering.”

“I’m not cheating!”

“You’ve got half of the concepts attached to your arm!”

Cinder smiled, the tension releasing from her shoulders. She found herself happier than ever to open the textbook and start studying, ignoring the fact that it was maybe because her chair had shifted closer to his.

Cinder woke up to rain hitting her window so forcefully the frame nearly shook. Checking her phone on reflex, she didn’t even fully comprehend the time that was glaring back at her until a few seconds later.

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit,” Cinder said, hastily removing the covers and getting up before taking another look at the darkness outside her window.

“Screw it,” she said, opening her messages instead. She’d only just sent the apologetic text to Kai, saying she couldn’t make it to the library, when someone knocked on her door.

Half expecting it to be Kai, she whipped the door open to find Iko, bouncing on the tip of her toes.

Before Cinder could even open her mouth, Iko started. “You know that guy you’ve been tutoring? Kai? Well, it turns out his dad is a super famous lawyer and politician - like, extremely influential - and Kai’s super famous too and -”

“And he’s coming over in a couple minutes,” Cinder murmured, reading his most recent text on her screen.

“He’s - what?” Iko screeched, “And you look like that?”

“I think I look fine.” Cinder quickly looked up and down at her sweatpants, ratty bun, and oversized t-shirt. “Nevermind.”

“Quick, change before he -” Iko was cut off by knocking on the door.

Cinder almost winced as she opened the door and Kai gave her a small wave. “Sorry this was so last minute, but my dorm is just next door, so...yeah.” He shrugged, smiling.

“No, it’s not a problem. Sorry that I’m, ah, such a mess.”

“No, you look - um -” he looked her up and down, an inexplicable red rising in his cheeks, “you look great.”

Cinder scoffed. “Yeah, alright.” Feeling Iko creep up behind her, she moved aside. “This is Iko, my friend.”

“Nice to meet you, Iko,” Kai said, offering a hand.

“And you,” she said, taking it and shooting a quick thumbs-up at Cinder behind her back.

As Kai stepped into the room, Iko slinked out.

“Iko? Where are you -”

“Oh no, I’d rather not be in there when you two start doing some, ah, not-so-PG stuff.”

Cinder felt her face heat up. “Iko!” She yelled down the hallway.

Iko just winked in response.

Cinder walked into the library to find Kai wearing a large, slightly oversized hoodie over a mustard-yellow sweater and nearly choked on her coffee.

“You look like a hobo.” She giggled, the laugh burbling up her throat until she nearly started tearing up.

“Well, I’m cold!” Kai said defensively, the whine in his voice just making her laugh harder.

“Alright, alright.” Cinder said, not able to keep a smile off of her face as she sat down and opened the textbook, smoothing out the page. As Kai stared at the page, she murmured “It looks cute, anyways,” under her breath and prayed that he didn’t hear - but the pink blooming at the tip his ears made her think he did.

---

“I’m sorry, I - I don’t get it,” Kai grumbled, rubbing his forehead.

Cinder bit her lip. “Okay - let’s try this.” She rolled up her sleeve and placed her forearm in the table, only slightly recoiling upon realizing it was her left arm. Surprisingly enough, she found she didn’t care enough to retract it completely.

Grabbing a couple pens, she began to draw on her forearm. “Look,” she said, drawing a blue line from her elbow to her wrist, “This would be ulnar nerve, connecting to the upper wire. And this,” she said, using a red pen this time, “would be the median nerve, connecting to the lower wire - that one, right there.” Biting her lip, she continued drawing nerves and wires, concentrating on her arm, until she realized Kai was looking at her, not her arm.

She turned him, making him jump. “Kai?”

“Sorry!” He said, ruffling his hair. “Sorry. I was just wondering - do you have a soulmate?”

Cinder’s outstretched hand clenched into a fist. “Well, I - it’s complicated.”

“Oh. Sorry for asking, I didn’t mean to -”

“No, actually, I - I don’t mind saying it.” Cinder needed someone new to say it to, and Kai didn’t seem like a bad audience.

“I’ve always tried talking to my soulmate, you know, doodling on my arm and all that. But they never replied, so I just stopped. Either I don’t have one, or - or they don’t want me.” Cinder looked down at the grain of the wooden desk, following the pattern.

“I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want you.”

Cinder’s head shot up, looking at Kai wide-eyed, before his face turned a light red and he put his head down on the desk.

“Sorry, I -”

“No, it’s -” Cinder bit her lip, fiddling with her sleeve. “It’s okay. Do - do you have a soulmate?”

He waited a moment before shifting his head to face her. “Yeah.”

Cinder felt her heart sink and gulped, shifting in her seat.

“I do, but I honestly haven’t heard from her in a while. Only the occasional scribble or doodle, and it’s not even meant for me, it’s just reminders for her. I don’t think - I don’t think she’s entirely fond of me.”

He licked his lips and continued. “But the worst part is I can’t even write back to her. Ever since I was a kid, actually, because being the kid of a politician - and a future politician myself - I don’t really have the space for romance. Any marriage, any relationship, could be better used as a tactic. So I just - I don’t write back because people are more likely to make these kinds of deals if they know I’m not attached. And I don’t write back because then I will be attached.”

He let it sink in for a moment in the heavy, quiet air.

“Well that’s bullshit.”

Kai laughed at Cinder’s resolute statement. “Oh, it is. Absolute bullshit. But that’s politics.”

“You should write back to her. Just - anything. You could even explain everything.”

“Yeah, that’s - that’s not a bad idea. Thanks, Cinder.”

Cinder smiled, trying to hide the lump in her throat. “No problem.”

For a couple days after, she checked every inch of her skin for a message, a stray ink mark, anything, but the only response she got was her heart sinking further.

“Alright, so then this -”

“Relays the information to the secondary joints, yes.” Kai finished, nodding.

Cinder looked at him, examining him. “Why am I even tutoring you anymore? You’ve got all of this.”

Kai nudged her shoulder with his. “Sure, but I may not in the future. You never know.”

Cinder nudged him back, stifling a smile.

In the past couple of weeks, they’d gotten closer and closer. Kai, in particular, seemed a lot more - physical, sitting closer to her or placing the occasional hand on her back as he opened the door for her. Maybe she was just imagining it all, but even if she was, she certainly didn’t mind.

But in the middle of the tingles that ran up her arm every time they accidentally brushed hands came that sudden, sinking feeling that he wasn’t her soulmate, that his messages were appearing on someone else’s skin, not hers.

She decided she’d enjoy it while it lasted, because it wouldn’t last long, not after his soulmate started replying.

She cleared her throat, anxious to change the subject. “Why are you taking bioengineering anyway? It has nothing to do with being a politician.”

He shrugged. “Well, no, but this region has a lot of engineering and science-related facilities. If I’m to govern properly, I should probably know a little about it, right?”

Cinder was impressed up until the moment when he leaned closer and said “That, and I picked a random science course to fill up the requirements.”

She laughed, only noticing him looking at her after a full 10 seconds.

“What?”

“Oh! Nothing. Sorry.” Kai shuffled in his seat. “I just like your laugh.”

Cinder felt her face heat up again, brushing one stray hair out of several behind her ear. “Th-Thanks.”

After a few moments, Cinder found herself speaking without meaning to. “I’m not actually studying bioengineering for a major, just engineering. Specifically focusing on aeronautics and mechanics.”

“Like - rockets?” Kai said.

“Yeah. I want to work at NASA and all. I know it sounds stupid,” Cinder said, rubbing her shoulders, “my stepmother told me it was an idiotic pipe dream. At least, she said it until the scholarship came through.”

Kai frowned and rubbed her back. “It isn’t stupid. Or a pipe dream. I think it’s fantastic, and frankly, I don’t think there’s anyone else more qualified.”

Cinder smirked. “I literally haven’t even seen a rocket yet, Kai.”

“You will be, one day.” He smiled, and even that smile was enough to light her heart up.

She didn’t even notice his hand was still on her back until it dropped.

Cinder was walking through the grounds, umbrella clutched in her hand for the perpetually rainy weather, when a hand landed on her shoulder.

She gasped, ready to scream and throw fists, until she realized it was just Kai, face shadowed by his hoodie.

“I need your help.” He was gasping for air, looking like he had run all the way from his dorm.

She chuckled. “You know that’s the first thing you said to me, right?”

He smiled. “Oh, yeah. Yeah, it is.”

Cinder turned, facing him. “Anyway - what did you want?”

He took his hood off and she held up her umbrella wordlessly to cover his head. “Well, I was watching Mulan -”

“Mulan?”

“Yeah, and you know that part when the emperor is like ‘ she’s a blooming flower’ or whatever the hell it is -”

“That’s - that’s not the line at all -”

“I don’t know what it is, okay, I’m just rambling, I’m -” he sighed, dragging a hand through his slowly dampening hair. “Okay, let me get to the point. I just - I just realized I couldn’t let my soulmate get away, you know?”

Cinder felt her heart harden. “Yeah. Sure.”

“Yeah. So -” he looked at her, pleading through dripping bangs, “What - what do you think?”

“Think about what? I agree, you should ask her,” Cinder managed to get through clenched teeth before attempting to stalk away, but Kai caught her by the hand.

“Well I - I asked. She just hasn’t answered,” Kai insisted, but it just made Cinder’s heart turn into stone.

“That’s great. That’s just fantastic, Kai. Just wait a bit, I’m sure she’ll respond,” Cinder said as sardonically as possible, spitting the words out.

“No, Cinder,” Kai said, “You’re the one who was to respond.”

She stilled, her grasp loosening around the umbrella. “Wh - what?”

“You have to respond,” he said, holding up his hand to see a hasty question scrawled on his left hand, “Because you’re the one I asked.”

Cinder blinked, struggling to understand. “But you asked your soulmate. I’m not your soulmate.”

“Yes, you are. Look, just - look at your left hand.”

She held up her left hand, the metal harsh and dull and plating her heart.

They stood there for a moment, looking at each other, drenched in rain, before Kai started laughing.

“Oh, my god. Oh, my god. I’m an idiot. A complete idiot.” He chuckled, covering his face with his hands.

Cinder just put her hand down and clenched her jacket instead, ignoring the biting disappointment she thought she was immune to.

“Cinder, you didn’t get any of my messages because I’ve been writing them on my left hand, and yours - it’s metal hand. It’s not biologically yours.”

And finally, finally, as the rain slowed to a stop, it dawned on her.

“Oh. So you mean - oh.”

“Remember that time you drew nerves on your arm? Well it -”

“Came on yours too.”

“Yeah.”

“Why - why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know, I just - didn’t have the guts.”

Cinder sniffed, not letting herself believe it until she could see it. “Prove it, then.”

Kai frowned. “What?”

“Prove it. Prove that we’re soulmates, right now.”

Kai fished a pen from his pocket and scribbled something on his hand before realizing his mistake and writing on his forearm. As he did, Cinder felt a faint tickling sensation on her own forearm. She pushed back the sleeve, almost scared of what she’d see, but was met with a black ink slowly appearing on the tanned skin.

When he was finished, she laughed.

“You drew that months ago, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I did.”

“Incredibly mature of you.”

“I thought you’d appreciate it.”

He laughed. “I did.”

The clouds broke as she looked up at him, taking him in like she’d never seen him before.

He sensed her hesitation and held out a hand. “Hi. I’m Kai. I’m your soulmate.”

She took it. “Hi. I’m Cinder, and I’m yours.”

A/N: She drew a dick on her arm, if you couldn’t tell.

#kaider #tlc fanfics #kaider fanfics #the lunar chronicles #tlc fanfiction #the lunar chronicles fanfiction #linh cinder #kai #soulmate au #kaixcinder #kai x cinder #binch

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