#the song better stay though it's a bop and the team i usually put to it gives me serotonin 🥺

[edie-baby]

mr & mrs | liam lawson x reader

Summary: You and Liam were teammates at Hitech for 2021. You had the biggest crush on him, but you were sure he didn't see you as anything more than a little sister. But oh, how a few basic questions could uncover the truth between you.

Warnings: swearing, and I think that's it?

When you walked into work in the Hitech Grand Prix building this morning, you didn’t expect to be playing the fucking newlywed game with your crush. And if you’re being honest with yourself, crush is a light way to put it. You were head over heels for your F2 teammate and best friend, Liam Lawson. There was just something about the New Zealander that always had your heart racing, your legs buckling, and your stomach dropping.

So when you were directed into the garage for a ‘different background’ from other videos you had done with Liam, your stomach lurched. Here this gorgeous man was, in all his Kiwi glory, hair waxed back but falling out of place, jeans hugging the toned curves of his legs and ass and giving you a glorious view of his bulge, and the fucking blue sweater. The same blue sweater he had worn the last time the two of you did a video that had reduced you to a stuttering mess when you first saw him.

But now it is worse. So, so much worse. He was standing in a garage. Around cars, and tyres, and grease, and all of the inanimate objects you found so sinfully appealing, and he was just right in the middle of it looking like that. You just about turned around and walked right back out.

“Mighty Mouse! There you are. I was starting to think I’d have to be the brains and beauty of the operation.” Liam called once he spotted you, and suddenly you remembered why you had never tried making a move on him. He treated you like a little sister. Nicknames like ‘kiddo’ and ‘mighty mouse’ were a regular occurrence, and they never failed to make you squirm.

“Well, you struggle to be anything but the brawn, and I think I’m even starting to overtake you there.” You teased, pushing yourself to stay casual, platonic, familial. There was so much opportunity to flirt with him, but the few times you had tried were brushed off, so you had given up many moons ago.

“Ouch Princess, that hurts.” Liam mocked, his hand cradling his chest and you couldn’t help but wonder how it would be to fall asleep against his chest, curled up after a rough night of-

“Who’re you calling princess, princess?” You shot back, cutting your thoughts off before they continued developing and became an issue. Liam laughed, his arm slung around your shoulder while the two of you walked over to the team that were in charge of running your activity for the afternoon.

“Ok, I don’t know if you guys have heard of it, but this game is called Mr and Mrs, one of you will have a whiteboard and wear headphones while the other tries to guess what the answers to the questions you’re writing down are. Make sense? Ok, great, let’s do an intro and go from there.” One of the guys explained quickly, and you began having flashbacks to an awful 80s game show called The Newlywed Game, and blushed profusely. Having you and Liam in a video titled ‘Mr & Mrs’ was sure to get the fans going, and you couldn’t blame Hitech’s PR plan.

You and Liam settled into the wheely chairs from the office next door, Liam positioning himself in frame of the camera and fixing his stupidly perfect hair when you came barreling toward him with your chair, legs tucked up high so you didn’t cop a chair arm to the knee. Liam screeched when you finally hit him, almost toppling off the chair in surprise while you spun slowly, laughing freely as you did so.

Liam looked over at you, your head thrown back in carefree laughter, the yellow sundress that covered your body made you look radiant, and he was sure he had never seen a sight so beautiful before. Your laughter calmed down, and as you looked over at him, he couldn’t help but send you a lovestruck smile, his eyes dopey with admiration. You blushed slightly, laughing as the team asked if you could do the intro again, but actually introduce what you were doing.

Liam slid out of the frame, and you followed his movements as you could tell a fierce battle was about to commence. Kicking off the ground with force, you tucked your legs up onto the chair again, spinning into Liam so fast, you couldn’t actually see his face before you crashed into him. The two of you exploded in laughter again, laughter and smiles were common between you, and Hitech’s Instagram was full of photos and videos of you and Liam smiling at each other, or doubled over in laughter, clutching onto each other.

“Hi, I’m Liam Lawson, and this is Y/N, we drive for Hitech in Formula 2.” Liam began once you had slowed down your laughter. He kept a firm grip on the arm of your chair, holding you close and still, as your chair really liked spinning around.

“And we’re here to play Mr & Mrs, another game in our long series championship to see who the better teammate is.” You finished, gesturing to yourself subtly, but Liam caught it and pushed your chair away jokingly. As much as you loved the man and wished you could be more, you wouldn’t give up this relationship you have with him for something that might work.

MR & MRS | EDIE-BABY

“Liam, what is Y/N’s favourite colour?” The same guy from before asked, one who Liam still didn’t recognise due to the facemask and hat he was wearing. Nevertheless, he held up a whiteboard where the question was scribbled in messy writing, three multiple choice answers written waiting for not only Liam’s, but also your answer. You had airpods in your ears, connected to the blaring music playing from one of the Hitech employees’ laptops, a whiteboard in your hand that you quickly scribbled out an answer to.

Liam looked over at you, holding the whiteboard to your chest protectively so he wouldn’t cheat, but there was really no way that he could.

“It’s not an answer listed here, but her favourite colour is a light brown. She always says it calms her down because it reminds her of a cafe she went to once back home.” Liam spoke, watching you as he answered. You didn’t hear a word he was saying, bopping your head along to the 2000s hits pumping through the earphones. Liam pulled one of them out, his head nodding over to the camera while you proudly turned the board around, thinking you had gotten one over on Liam.

“My favourite colour is light brown, because it reminds me of the Brew Cafe in my hometown, and it brings a really nostalgic and calm feeling.” You stated, watching the faces of the employees morph from business to shock. You looked over at Liam, who had a smug smile on his face while he listened to your answer.

“There’s no way you could have known that!” You protested, glaring accusingly at the dirty blonde. He laughed in response, and you couldn’t have felt happier in any given moment. Not even the top step of the podium could compare to the warmth spreading in your chest. Little did you know, Liam was feeling the exact same way.

“Y/N earphones back in, Liam your next question. What is Y/N’s favourite song at the moment?” The same guy asked, yet this time there were no multiple choice answers. Liam’s eyes widened, turning to look at you to think of any songs he had heard blasting from your speakers or earphones recently, or something that you had ranted excitedly to him about. He spoke to himself, mumbling about artists and songs he could remember falling from your lips. You twirled a piece of hair around your finger, thinking about the answer to the question, when suddenly it hit him.

He had to wait a few moments as you were slowly writing down your answer, still not 100% sure of yourself. It was only after you had taken an earphone out that you jumped, furiously rubbing out the answer on the whiteboard and writing a new one, looking much more satisfied with the new answer. The team counted down, and as Liam spoke, you almost dropped the whiteboard.

“Feeling Something Bad by Ellise. She’ll start singing it randomly when she concentrates, which is usually a giveaway to what songs she's been listening to recently.” Liam said his answer so confidently that it made you feel as though you were inferior because he knew your favourite song and it took you a decent minute to think of it. Liam got another point as he had gotten two of your answers right, and you were starting to feel competitive.

“Alright Liam, who does Y/N get along with best in the F2 paddock? Oscar Piastri, Dan Ticktum, or you?”

“Oh, oh. Well, she hangs out with Oscar a lot, but I don’t know if she would say they get along better than we do? Like, she’s closer with Oscar but we get along best, if that makes sense? I don’t think it does. I’m gonna say Oscar because I don’t want to be rejected, but I really hope I’m wrong and that she says me.” Liam rambled, finally deciding on Oscar, and when you were told to turn your board around, Liam’s heart sank a little. You had written Oscar, and as you began trying to defend yourself, Liam waved it off and laughed to hide the disappointment in his eyes, but you could see it clear as day. You tried to move on like he did, to keep playing the game like you didn’t hurt her best friend and crush.

You began trying to cheer the Kiwi up, dancing along to the songs playing, and occasionally belting out the chorus. He was laughing along, finally joining you to sing when you were screaming the lyrics to Promiscuous, dancing all around the garage and trying to pull him up around with you. While you were dancing with some of the employees off camera, being recorded for Instagram, Liam was still in frame of the main camera, a fond smile on his face, and anyone who had looked at him could see that he was completely and utterly whipped for you, but you were too caught up in Nelly Furtado to see it yourself.

It was your turn to answer questions now, passing Liam the whiteboard that had a little love note written on it.

I’m going to crush you.

You wrote, and Liam thought it was adorable how competitive you got in trivial games like this, but it always made him try even harder just to give you some semblance of a battle.

“Y/N! How old was Liam when he started karting?” The guy you had begun to think was not an actual Hitech employee asked. The three ages to choose from scribbled on the whiteboard. You studied them for a moment, and could see Liam in the corner of your eye writing out his own answer.

“He was seven, because I remember him telling me that there’s regulations in New Zealand that you can’t race go-karts competitively until you’re seven and then won the race.” You explained, remembering the story he had told you easily, it was one of your favourites, purely because of the joy on Liam’s face when he recounted it.

He turned the board around, showing the exact answer you had given, and he gave you a cheeky smile in response to your silent gloating about getting a point. There was nothing cuter in his eyes than you getting so worked up about a game.

“What is Liam’s pre-race superstition?” Before the board with the question and possible answers came up, your mouth blurted out the answer you already knew all too well.

“He gets in the car from the left.” You practically yelled, and Liam looked at you with wide eyes, not hearing your words but seeing the excitement at knowing the answer.

“How did you know that?” One of the Hitech PR asked as her main priority was to stir up more rumours about the two of you, as it was always good for the team’s press.

“Because I’m just as superstitious about getting in from the right side, so when he found out, he asked the team if we could switch around how our cars are placed in the garage so that we could meet in the middle, do our little ritual, and then get in the car from there.” You explained, watching as Liam wrote down his answer with no idea of the words you were saying.

When Liam turned the board around, he explained the exact same story you had, and you giggled when he finished, showing off a proud smile before putting the pieces together that you had already run the same spiel.

“It’s quite cute that the two of you explain things using basically the same words.” That same PR lady stated. And you almost rolled your eyes, almost. But you caught Liam blushing slightly, and a small, stupid part of you began jumping up and down, because not only did someone think your relationship with Liam was cute, but he blushed at that.

“It happens when you spend so much time with someone. I’ve started picking up Kiwi slang, and he’s learning some of my slang. You don’t realise it until you say something to someone when he’s not there and they’ve got no idea what I mean. It’s so normal for Liam to always be by my side, and me by his that when I’m with other people it feels weird.” You started on a ramble, something you were known for. And then just would… not… fucking… stop. The press officer looked satisfied, but as you had finally gotten your mouth to stop moving, you were scared to look over at Liam.

“Whenever she’s not within arm’s reach, I feel like I’m missing something.” Liam spoke quietly, and you gulped as you heard his words. The man was going to kill you, surely. This little production crew didn’t give a shit about your blossoming romance though, as they hurried you through to the next questions. You and Liam barely looked at eachother, your answers shorter and much more vague than they were before. You just wanted to get out of this chair and go freak out in an empty office somewhere.

“Well, the winner of this round is Liam, which means he has officially overtaken Y/N in the Hitech championship. How do you guys feel about this one?” The producers asked. You would usually have felt a bit of a blow to your chest finding out you had been beaten in two ways, but you truly couldn’t think of anything except your proximity to Liam.

“I think we found out a lot, and I’m glad to finally be ahead in the championship. I think it’s the only time I’ll ever be able to beat Mighty Mouse in anything.” Liam chuckled, reverting back to your ‘little sister’ nickname because he felt like the distance would help him process his emotions.

“Hey, you already beat me in height, age, and supercar experience, you gotta let me have something.” You whined, you looked over at Liam with a pout and puppy eyes, unintentionally making his heart pound out of his chest.

“Well you’re the cuter one of the team, and you’re a hell of a lot smarter than me, so I’d say you’re winning enough. Plus you’re higher up in the drivers standings than me.” Liam replied, leaning closer to stare into your eyes, barely two inches between your faces, you blinked slowly, afraid that any sudden movements would scare him away.

His large hand reached up, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear, then coming to rest at the side of your neck, his thumb resting on your jaw.

“I don’t think you realise what you do to me.” You mumbled, leaning forward very slightly to nudge your nose against Liam’s. His breath hitched, eyes boring into your soul in a way that made you freeze.

“It can’t be any worse than what you do to me. Looking as beautiful as you do, all I want to do is hold you, keep you close, show you off to the world, and I want to call you mine. I want to take you home and show you around my hometown, I want to introduce you to my parents, to take you to parties with my friends, I want to curl up in your apartment watching Harry Potter movies, and I want to dance around the kitchen with you at 2 in the morning making pancakes. I want to live my life with you.” Liam confessed, and for a few moments, you felt as though you couldn’t breathe.

You lurched forward, balling your fists up in that stupid blue sweater and pulling him closer. Liam’s eyes closed instinctively as your lips met, the coconut lip balm you applied before you came into the office was shared on your tongues, Liam’s exploring your mouth with vigor. You had never imagined him to be this passionate, this intense. But you had no complaints, his hands tugging you forward until you fell onto his lap, legs slotting in beside his own to straddle him on the wheely chair.

You broke away for a moment to catch your breath, eyes surveying every square inch of Liam’s face to commit it to memory. He truly was a gorgeous man, and you hoped you would get to see him like this many more times to come. He caught the look in your eyes and dove back into your lips, his teeth capturing your bottom lip in a bruising grip, a whimper escaping your lips before someone clearing their throat interrupted you.

“I guess we have everything we need for the video. Thanks you two.”

[inkandpen22]

Permanent Chaos (3/?)

Pairing: MGK x Female!Reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: mild swearing, mentions of smut, mentions of underage drinking 

Part Summary: Sam and Y/N are on The Late Late Show to promote The Seasons of Life. 

Masterlist

Before the interview, Nicole practices questions with me so I don’t get blindsided. Meanwhile, Sam and his manager, Steven, practice talking about our upcoming photo shoot for Vanity Fair. Steven is much more laid back than Nicole. Sam is free to do whatever he pleases. The country sees him as an average twenty-something. If he ever messed up he would be forgiven. Nicole emphasizes to me whenever she can that I have no room for error. I must be a saint as “America’s Sweetheart.”

There’s a knock at the door to our dressing room and Steven opens it. A man with a check board and a headset instructs, “Ms. Voss, Mr. Merka you’ll be on in five. If you could follow me.”

“We’ll be right off camera if you need us!” Nicole informs me and Steven agrees with a hum.

“Have fun guys!” he adds.

Sam holds the door for me and the two of us follow the man down the hall into backstage. Sam takes my hand as a precaution, just in case the chaos might separate us. Through double doors, we enter backstage and we’re stopped behind where we’re meant to enter. Loud music begins to echo from the stage and I recognize the song as one of Machine Gun Kelly’s. He’s all the rage now, one of those rockstars that girls fifteen and up obsess over. I don’t have much space left in my mind to obsess with everything going on. As we wait, I bop and sway my head back and forth to the beat absentmindedly.

The man says over his shoulder, “he’s great huh!”

I frowned confused, “wait, is he performing live?”

The man raises an eyebrow as if the answer is obvious. “Yeah, his interview was a few minutes ago. I’m surprised you didn’t cross paths when you got here.” He’s then pulled away by a lady dressed in all black. “I’ll right back! Stay right here!”

I scoff under my breath, the dude treated me like a dingus.

“Well, he was friendly” Sam mutters sarcastically under his breath.

“Right! Geez, he’s what? Only around four years older than you? At least he looked it. My bad for not knowing I’m apparently in the same building as a god!”

Sam snickers but covers his mouth since we’re not allowed to be loud. The song ends and the crowd goes wild on the other side.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Machine Gun Kelly!” The applause goes on and on with James attempting to speak over it into the camera. “After the break, we’ll have the breakout stars from the hottest show of the decade The Seasons of Life, Y/N Voss, and Sam Merka! So don’t go anywhere!”

The audience gets loud at the sound of our names and a shot of adrenaline rushes through me. People rush around backstage to get the music equipment off the set. Sam and I move up against the wall so people can get through. The crew is yelling to make the switch quick. Propping myself up against the wall, I watch the chaos happening. Sam leans against the wall and faces me. I don’t mind the tight quarters though. He acts like a wall, blocking me from the craziness.

“It never gets like this on set,” Sam says, scanning the stage.

“That’s because we don’t film live,” I remind him with a chuckle.

My arms cross over my chest and Sam props his elbow on my shoulder. If this was a photoshoot, this would be a great shot of us. We’re being ourselves, depending on each other as per usual. We’re comfortable with one another. To kill time, I glance around as people move about backstage. My eyes meet a lengthy, bleach blonde, tattoo-covered musician walking off stage. He instantly goes for the guitar case against the far wall in the corner. As if he could feel me looking, his attention snaps away from his guitar and toward me. His focused features gently fall as he stares at me from across the busyness of the show. A chill shoots up my spine and spreads across my face. Instantly, I'm drawn in and can't find the means to look away.

Sam steals my attention when he straightens up in my side view. “We’re on,” he informs me.

I immediately bring to focus and adjust my floral pencil skirt to appear put together.

The man from before leads us up to where he left us last. “Okay, here’s the deal. James will announce your names. There will be cheers, you will walk out together and sit on the couch. The order in which you sit doesn’t matter.” He pauses to press on his headset, “sure, alright, one minute.”

I shift my head to the side and yet again I see them, the same pair of eyes that made me freeze. I quickly snap my attention forward as though I’ve been caught red-handed. He’s not what I had expected. I’ve heard of Machine Gun Kelly, who hasn’t? I’ve seen pictures here and there. I’ve heard a song or two. Never in a million did I ever imagine we would meet eyes and he would make me stop breathing for a second. It was nothing short of groundbreaking. It’s dangerous and immaculate at the same time.

Soon, the noise of the audience dies down to signal the end of the commercial break. Sam and I are told to walk out so we cross through the corridor. Sam leads and reaches his hand back for me to take. I do so mindlessly since it’s what we always do. We wave to the audience and James stands up to greet us. He hugs Sam and they exchange a few words. I keep on waving to the audience and point towards a girl who has a shirt with the show’s title on it. Sam moves over so James and I can say hello.

“Hi, James! How are you?” I greet as we embrace.

“Excellent, how are you, Sweetheart?” He charms.

“Great! Excited to be here!” I gush as I shuffle to the side to settle on the couch beside Sam.

“Thirty seconds!” A man, whom I assume is the producer, announced loudly.

I sit down next to Sam on the light blue velvet couch. He sits back and crosses his arm over the back of the couch behind me then slides it down to rest over my shoulders. I lean into his side, crossing my legs toward him. 

“Five seconds!” James sits down in his black desk chair next to Sam and looks into the camera. He’s given the signal and he lights up. “I’m joined here by the two biggest young stars of the decade, Y/N Voss and Sam Merka!” The audience applauds loudly and I wave to all of them. James turns to us with a bright grin. “First off, how are you two?”

“We’re great, couldn’t be better!” Sam answers with a charming smile. He takes my hand and I rest them on my lap instinctively.

At the start of the series, our management and the show’s team encouraged us to be mildly affectionate in public situations to promote interest in our tv counterparts. Since then, it’s come so naturally to us because as friends we genuinely feel better when we have physical contact when on display. We’re security blankets for one another.

James continues, “you two play the power couple, Hollyn and Elliot, on the hit show The Seasons of Life, better known simply as Seasons. It’s all anyone is talking about lately! Has all the publicity changed your lives at all?”

Nervously, I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear before I speak. “I can’t speak for Sam, but at least for me, I answer with a confident “yes!” The Seasons of Life has changed every aspect of my life. When we first started filming the first season, I was still living in South Carolina. I went to a normal high school and had to travel back and forth between here and there. Back then, no one really knew of me. I was your average teenage girl trying to have the best of both worlds.”

James nods, seemingly fascinated by my response.

Sam smiles in agreement, switching his sight between James and myself. “My story is basically the same except I was in college studying law.”

“That’s right!” James perks up, “There’s a decent age gap between the two of you!”

We glance at each other and nod, both of us grinning.

“Does that make the more romantic scenes between Hollyn and Elliot harder?” James inquires.

“No, not at all” I answer, squeezing Sam’s hand.

“Y/N has always acted with such maturity and grace that she makes it unbelievable easy onset. The eight years feel nearly nonexistent.”

“We haven’t had too many extremely romantic scenes,” I add jokingly, looking fondly at Sam.

He meets my gaze and hums in agreement. “Have to build up that suspense!”

James laughs at Sam’s remark and goes on with his questions. “Last year, during the season finale, Twitter blew up because your characters finally got together! And had that bow-chicka-wow-wow scene,” James wiggles his eyebrows. The audience cheers in excitement. Everyone was over the moon about the scene. “Y/N, what was going through your mind during that scene?”

“Sam, Jonathan, and the rest of the Seasons family never fail to make me feel so secure onset. For that scene, in particular, Jonathan made sure it was just the three of us on set so that space felt relaxed. It was my first time ever filming a sex scene of that magnitude and I was so lucky to have this fella right here to help me,” I gush as I place my hand on Sam’s knee with a pat.

“That’s lovely,” James feeds into the sappiness that the audience eats up. “Was there ever talk of getting a double for you?”

“I told our director, the producers, everyone that only I can do the scene. It didn’t feel right to me to have someone else play Hollyn. Especially for a scene that would have such an impact on the characters involved. The fans had been begging for Elliot and Hollyn to finally get together and I couldn’t pass up being a part of the moment when they finally did. It wouldn’t have been fair to the fans if it wasn’t me playing the role.”

The audience approves of my response with their loud reaction which eases my nerves immensely.

“Absolutely incredible,” James compliments. “I can’t imagine the scene being done without you two. I mean, you two have such chemistry! What were your reactions to watching the infamous final scene? Did you watch it together?!”

Sam and I side-eye one another then burst out laughing because I can recall my exact words. I’m sure he can too.

“This is a question for Y/N,” he points out between laughter.

I hit the back of my hand on his stomach, “why me?!”

“You said!” He chuckles, so he does remember my words.

I get the giggles as James pushes me to answer. I settle down and catch my breath. “Well, I had a watch party at my house with the cast, and right after the scene happened and the show cuts to the dramatic final credits, I yelled “yay! Hollyn finally got laid!”

James hides his face with his cards as he laughs. Laughs of all kinds spread throughout the audience and I can feel my face getting warm. James’s laugh is contagious and I can’t stop.

“You all know how uptight Hollyn could be! Maybe she’ll be a little more laid back!” I add with a shrug and James bursts out laughing.

“You two are absolutely hilarious,” he wipes his watery eyes. “And adorable! Please tell me you’re dating in real life!”

Sam hiss between his teeth and glances at me. “I’m sorry, we’re not…” he answers hesitantly.

“What!” James’s jaw drops, “but you two are so cute together! I mean, you’ve been holding hands the entire time!”

We shake our heads and Sam explains for us both. “Y/N and I are super close. We can see how people would assume we’re dating but in all honesty, we’re just really good friends. Considering, for example, to have done the final scene from last season we kinda have to be. We met when she was just a teenager and I was in graduate school. We’ve seen each other grow. We’ve been around the world together and since our characters are paired together, so are we. Meaning, we’re constantly together and I’m thankful we are because I’m so lucky to have such an amazing partner in all of this.”

“Aw, isn’t he the sweetest!” I pout playfully and rest my head on his shoulder.

“Ugh, can we change the whole “only friends” thing?” James begs. “I ship it!”

The audience agrees and then he moves on to talk about the next season. We say all that can be shared at the time being and we share some pictures from filming yesterday as a teaser for the season.

“Y/N, is that you crying here?” James questions.

The photo on the scene behind us shows the part where I cry because Elliot just told Hollyn she’ll only ever be a rich girl from Los Angeles.

“Yeah, the first episode is filled with drama! Elliot and Hollyn already have a rocky time.”

“No! You’re joking!” He whines, disappointed.

We flip through more photos and answer a few more questions. James says into the camera that when we get back we’ll be playing a game. The game is Who is Most Likely To? Between me and Sam who is more likely to…

After the commercial break, James looks toward the camera with the utmost enthusiasm. “And we are back with Y/N and Sam! I have given each of them a paddle! One side says Y/N and the other reads Sam! Now, the game is Who is Most Likely To? So, between the two of you, who is more likely to “fill in the blank?” We all set?”

“We’re good!” Sam and I say at the same time as if we practiced.

“Alrighty, question number one...” James reads his cards. “Who is most likely to sleep until noon?”

I instantly flip my paddle to myself without a second thought. Sam is such an early bird. The type to get a five-mile jog in by ten. I lean forward and Sam said me as well.

“I’m not gonna deny it. If I could I would stay in bed all day,” I giggle without shame.

“You have stayed in bed all day,” Sam teases and I playfully nudge him in the arm. The whole set finds it humorous.

“Who is most likely to get a tattoo?” James reads with a raised brow.

The audience “ooh’s” in anticipation. I flip my paddle to Sam’s side, never in a million years would I get a tattoo.

“Y/N, you flipped your paddle super fast. Why is that?” James inquires.

“Mhm, nope! There will be no ink on this skin!” I wave my head frantically. “Sam can do whatever he wants with his body but it’s a no for me.”

“We’ve actually talked about tattoos before and I plan on getting one here soon,” Sam describes.

James asks him about what he plans on getting and that conversation goes on a minute or two. Sam explains where he plans on placing the tattoo and when he’ll get it done.

James reads over the card and smirks, “who is most likely to date another celebrity?”

Sam, no doubt. I feel no urge to date, thank you very much.

“Oh! Looks like we got ourselves a mix-up! Sam said Y/N and Y/N said, Sam!” James laughs toward the audience.

“Me?!” I gasp, earning amusement from the audience.

Sam turns his body to face me, “why not?”

“You know, if you two dated this could work itself out,” James points out to get a reaction from the crowd.

“I’m not really looking to date at the moment,” I explain, and James is surprised. I explain further, “the show is important to me and this summer I just want to fun. Plus, my schedule is quite hectic and I would feel bad for dragging someone else into it all.”

He completely understands and asks the final question. “Who is most likely to get married first?”

I flip my board to Sam again. James starts to laugh and I comprehend that it’s the same case as last time. I check Sam’s and I’m right, he said to me.

“Why do you keep putting me?” I fuss playfully.

“Because it’s true! You’re such a little liar to say me!” Sam teases.

“You’re older!” I reason.

“Oh please,” Sam rolls his eyes and leans back into the couch.

“I’ll have to agree with Sam on this one,” James adds and I look to him betrayed.

“Y/N, you’re America’s Sweetheart! Every young guy’s dream girl!”

I hide my face in my hands and shake my head with a giggle.

“Doesn’t mean I’ll be the first to get married! I have no interest in anyone right now!” James and Sam beam as I finish.

“Ah, ah see! You said “right now,” James points at me.

These two are teaming up on me now.

“Thank you so much you two for coming in! It’s been a lot of fun!” James thanks.

“Of course, it was a blast!” I charm.

He stands and so do we. He hugs Sam then me, “you two make me laugh like no others.”

James looks into the camera and wraps up the end of the show. “Thank you, Julia Roberts, Adam Levine, Sam Merka, Y/N Voss, and Machine Gun Kelly for joining me today! Have an excellent night everyone! Until next time!”

The band starts their music. Sam and I dance to the beat and James join in. The produces yells that the show has cut to a commercial.

To hear my name and Machine Gun Kelly’s name mere seconds apart is something I never thought I’d hear.

“Thanks again for coming!” James repeats once the show is over.

“We had fun! Thanks for having us!” Sam compliments.

The duo shares a brief “bro hug” and James embraces me one last time.

Then, Sam and I head backstage to our dressing room. Nicole and Steven should already be back there since I didn’t see them on the set.

“That went well!” Sam mentions while we walk down the hall.

I hum, “totally not getting married first though.”

“Whatever, you’re lying to yourself,” he laughs as he opens the door to the dressing for me.

Nicole and Steven are waiting for us and instantly begin talking about the Vanity Fair shoot tomorrow. It’s never-ending.

____________________________________________________

Masterlist

Tags:  @canyoubuymetoast  @bri-3530 @asil1652 @andstilltryingtofindmyself @nadia2021 @olafsidehoe @mgkobsessed @fairywriting101 @ferrell-cat @naylanae-0308 @tonystarkswife10 @alexsa56 @brocksbabyyy @stormrider505 @magnificenthumancopangel @sarcasticfangirlus @lilramencup95beech @missyviolet123 @skeleton-gxrl @glitterybearllamaflap @margaritaville20 @amoresixx

[kakiwrites]

astronomy

Genre: angst

Hajime iwaizumi x reader

Warning: cancer, y/n death

Synopsis: when you get diagnosed with cancer, you wanted to spend what little time you had left completing your bucket list with iwaizumi.

a/n: blame @tendousfingerbandagess for this idea. I was just listening to conan gray's new song 'astronomy' then prompted this idea. I want to share my pain with you all hehehe! Let's get started.

"we found that you have acute lymphocytic leukemia…" were the first and only words you heard from the doctor before blood suddenly rushed to your ears.

You were rushed to the hospital by your boyfriend, Iwaizumi, when your very high fever kept coming back every few hours. Hajime sat next to you as the doctor broke the news to you, trying to comfort you by running his thumb over your clenched knuckle. He hoped to ease you into the harsh reality that was brought upon you but you couldn't feel anything then. All you felt was the piercing cold. You didn't know if it was a symptom of your new diagnosis or because of the news itself.

"w-well, can you still treat it?" Iwaizumi asked for you, squeezing your hand to attempt and bring you back into this conversation.

"we can but it'll be painful-"

"what if I don't want to be treated?" you suddenly chimed in. that caused Hajime to turn to you with a shocked expression. No. You have to get treated. He can't lose you.

"w-what are you saying, (y/n)? Y-you can't be serious." Iwaizumi let out a humorless chuckle, praying that you would laugh along and reassure him that you were kidding. But you didn't do that. You sat straight in the uncomfortable chair, waiting for the doctor's response.

"Well, though it is not ideal, we can delay putting you on the transplant list but that will lessen your chances to survive. Chemo therapy is also on the table." the doctor replied professionally, his clipboard opened on your file to take note of your wishes.

"I want to delay both as of now. I-I just need time to think…" your voice cracked. You wanted to be strong. To show your boyfriend that you could handle it and that you'll be okay. But from the looks of your face, how you trembled beside him, iwaizumi knew that it was the exact opposite of what you were trying to portray. The doctor nodded his head before he left you alone with a confused and distraught Iwa.

"why?" Iwa's voice was barely above whisper as his glassy eyes looked into yours in sorrow. He wanted you to live. He already planned his future with you. How you would have two kids running around the small house you two would purchase to accommodate your family. But now, he wasn't so sure if that same dream of his will come to life. The only thing he could do now was pray that you'll survive and live through this.

"I want to live my life, haj," you replied. You shot him a sad grin before you took a deep breath and spoke once more. "I want to live my life to the fullest before I grow weak and have to sit in a hospital room and wait impatiently for the small chance that I'll find a donor or see any big progresses." you let out a watery laugh. Damn, this was harder than it looks. "I want to live my last stronger moments with you." tears ran down your cheeks at the end of your little speech. You looked back to see iwaizumi's tears flowing down just like yours did.

Iwaizumi brought your hand up to his quivering lips and placed a soft kiss on them. "then I'll help you. I'll help you live your life to the fullest." he placed another kiss on your knuckle, a sign of a promise he was willing to do anything to keep.

"okay, I'm done!" you called Iwa. You placed your pen down and waited for him to pop out from your shared bedroom.

Iwaizumi smiled and sat next to you on the couch, reaching a hand out to take the slip of paper from you. You gave it to him willingly. "have a road trip around Japan, adopt a puppy, try delicacies in each city we visit, bungee jumping, and star gazing. Wow, it looks like we have a lot of things to do~" he said, wrapping his arm around you and bringing you closer as his eyes skimmed through the list once more.

You nodded your head in agreement. Iwaizumi explained to his team that he wouldn't be there as often because of your diagnosis. They all agreed that your health came first and that they'll be fine hearing his critiques on their forms and diet from home. Just like that, he already sacrificed so much for your sake. He now asked you to write down a small little bucket list you could do together before you decide to settle down and get better. He promised to help you live your life to the fullest after all.

"When do you think is the best time to start working on this?" he asked, waving the list in his hand. You shrugged. You didn't want to rush him into finishing this and risk burning your boyfriend out. This was his time to relax and have fun beside you. "We should get packing then!" he took both of your hands and pulled you up from your seat, causing a giggle to bubble up from your throat. You tilted your head when his words sank into your brain. Pack? Right now?

"You want me to pack? Right now?" you asked skeptically. Iwa chuckled before leaning in and pressing a quick kiss on your soft lips.

"because we're going on that road-trip tomorrow, you idiot." Hajime watched your eyes lit up with glee before you skipped into your bedroom and packed your shared luggage.

Even in the devastating predicament you were in, you didn't stop being so positive and happy. That was one of the things he loved about you.

"We drive through the woods

Rich neighborhoods to watch

We joked as we looked

That they were too good for us

Cause socially speaking we were the same

With runaway fathers and mothers who drank

A tale old as time

Young love don't last for life"

You sat in the passenger seat of Hajime's car, a blanket keeping you comfortable while Conan Gray's astronomy blaring through the speakers. Iwaizumi couldn't help but bop his head behind the wheel while you sang along.

"damn, your voice sounds amazing." he complimented, causing your cheeks to feel hot. Iwaizumi chuckled before he turned and parked in the wide parking lot of the animal shelter.

"wait! Are we getting the puppy now?!" you squealed excitedly. Iwaizumi clicked his seatbelt off and hummed in confirmation. You never got out of the car that quickly before.

Fortunately, this was only the beginning.

For the next few days, you traveled around Japan with your new puppy, iwaizumi named (y/n) Jr., went bungee jumping together, and tried delicacies in each town. you had the time of your life.

But fun had to end.

On the last day of your third week, you started to feel waves on waves of fatigue wash over you. You just wanted to rest with Iwaizumi but you felt like giving in was only admitting that you can't handle it anymore.

So you forced yourself to get up.

It was hard to hide things from iwaizumi. He was always perceptive, especially now. He was there to help you live.

He needed you to live. Because he knew that he wasn't anyone without you.

"you okay? We can rest today if you want." he asked worriedly, walking over and assisting you to a seat. He went into the kitchen to fetch you a glass of water.

"no, I'm fine." you replied, trying to reduce your shaking as you take the glass and chugged the water. You could only hope that your headache will subside soon. "do you have anything planned for today?" you asked, feigning cheerfulness. Iwaizumi glanced back at you worriedly before he sighed, flashing you a small smile.

"well, we have stargazing on your list so I was planning to do just that." Iwa sat next to you and stretched his arm over your shoulder. You giggled before you closed your eyes and nuzzled into him, wishing to store the last bit of your energy that you felt was seeping out at a rapid pace.

Iwaizumi could hope that it wasn't what he suspected. That you were just having an off-day. That you were okay, just like the last few weeks.

But that was all he could do. All he could do was hope.

The night air was colder than usual.

You pulled your thick cardigan closer to your chest and squeezed iwa's hand, hoping that his warmth would seep into you. Hajime looked back at you worriedly. "you okay? Dammit, we should've stayed home-"

"i'm fine, haji, it's just colder than usual." you lied, nudging him, telling him to keep walking.

You felt like you used up all of your energy climbing up the small hill where a picnic blanket was set-up on the very top, a small stereo playing Astronomy softly. You couldn't help but gasp in surprise. Maybe that wasn't a good idea, the lack of air in your lungs already making you dizzy. The gasp hid the shallowness of your breath from your already anxious boyfriend who helped you get settled on the blanket under the stars.

"just... Sit tight." iwaizumi took a deep breath before he stood in front of you, made a fist and pretended he was holding a mic as he sang along to Conan's soft voice.

"We've traveled the seas

We've ridden the stars

We've seen everything

From Saturn to Mars

As much as it seems

Like you own my heart

It's astronomy

We're two worlds apart"

He took your hand and pulled you up on your shaking feet. he got down on one knee then took out a velvet box. Your hands flew to your mouth. This can't be happening.

"(y/n), it might look like we don't have time but i know you can fight back and win. I can wait until then. So (y/n) (l/n), will you marry me?" he muttered to keep his voice from cracking. Your smile reached from ear to ear, nodding your head rapidly at a loss of words. Iwaizumi slipped the ring onto your finger and was about to pull you close into a hug when the unthinkable happened.

Your feet buckled under you, unable to support your weight anymore. Your breath was ragged and loud. You tried to suck in air to no avail. What was going on?

Your ears ring while black dots start to spread through your vision. The last thing you remembered was your now fiance's blurry figure in front of you, desperately trying to bring you back to him.

Cold. The cold just seeps into you, suffocates you until-

You woke up to the blinding lights of the hospital. Your tired eyes moved to observe the room. You felt someone squeezed your hand. You turned to see a sleepy iwaizumi slouched in one of those uncomfortable hospital chairs, his hand gripping yours tightly. Hajime jolted awake the second you squeezed his hand back.

"(y/n)!" he exclaimed in relief, bringing his head down and kissing the ring on your finger repeatedly. Little droplets littered your hand. Iwaizumi was crying. "i-i thought i lost you... You wouldn't wake up for days a-and-" he sobbed. You pulled him into your chest, letting him nuzzle into your weak figure.

That small reassurance that you still had that small fight left in you helped iwaizumi sleep that night.

It was only the beginning of hell for you.

For the next few weeks, iwaizumi couldn't do anything but watch as your once strong figure rapidly grew weaker by the day. He had no idea had to stop it.

He needed a miracle.

He picked up his phone, dialed a certain number and waited for them to answer. If iwaizumi needed a miracle, this was the guy to call.

Another week went by, you were looking out your window in boredom when your hospital room door opened. thinking it was another nurse, you used all your strength to crane your neck to look at the person who entered. Your eyes lit up when you saw Iwaizumi enter with the Argentina setter, Oikawa.

"tooru!" you cheerfully yelled. Oikawa immediately rushed toward you. The man was about to pounce on you but iwa came to the rescue just in time and pulled the setter away from your bed.

"what are you doing here?" you asked, wiping away the stray happy tears that accumulated in the corners of your eyes.

"simple!" oikawa said as he skipped back to the door and opened it to reveal matsukawa and hanamaki with an officiant. "i decided to provide a little bit of a miracle." You turned to iwaizumi who glowed pink beside you. Was this really happening?

Your little "ceremony" flew by too quickly for your liking. You wished you could just cherish this moment forever. How all of the former members of the volleyball team came in and gave their congratulations and told little anecdotes they remember about the early stages of your relationship, like the time hajime almost beaten up oikawa for flirting with you in high school or how iwaizumi accidentally hit you with his spike when he was staring a second too long.

The noise slowly died down to the beeps of your heart monitor connected to you. Iwaizumi sat beside you and kissed your hand once more. "we're officially married now." he whispered, not wanting to break the soft ambience of the room.

"yeah..." you leaned back weakly in your bed. A wave of fatigue suddenly hit you. Maybe it was because of the eventful day you've had.

"You gotta live through this if you want to enjoy our honeymoon." he joked, causing you to let you a soft giggle.

"i love you, haj."

"i love you too, baby..."

"We have a code blue!"

Iwaizumi shot out of his seat to be met by a slew of nurses bursting into your room. His eyes snapped toward your limp figure. No. Nonono. This cannot be happening. You were okay. You were laughing along with everyone. You were joking around. You promised to live, to be strong.

Why? Why did you let go now?

"sir, Please step outside of the room." a nurse said to him, hauling the trainer out the door and into the hallway. Iwaizumi dropped into one of the empty seats outside, burying his head in his hands. He prayed to every god he could think of, to spare your life.

But unfortunately, his prayers weren't answered.

When the doctor came out of your room with a somber look on his face. He already knew what happened. His tears silently flowed down his cheeks as his brain blocked out the doctor's voice, ringing growing louder and louder.

There was only one festering thought in his mind now and it was growing bigger the longer he stayed in that hallway. It kept nipping at him when he went back into the room to see your now lifeless body.

You were gone and he will never see you wake up again.

It all moved like a blur to hajime. Your family was as equally as distraught as he was. They offered their support to which Iwaizumi refused to take. At night he would imagine that you would come bursting into the room and cuddle with you and every time, he would feel tears prick his eyes when he would remember that it didn’t work like that.

The funeral wasn’t any better. Iwaizumi would acknowledge the typical condolence message here and there. He went out of his way to make his eulogy speech a bit more personal for your grieving family members and friends. He couldn’t stop his sobs when he watched as your casket got lowered into your final resting place. The pain felt unbearable.

He stood in front of your new and clean tombstone, tears pricking the corners of his eyes as he held (y/n) jr. In his other hand. He let out a shaky smile, the smile he usually reserved for you. He was going to miss you.

"don't worry love, we'll meet again." he whispered hoping you would hear him one last time. It was going to be hard to move on but he’s going to do everything in his power to pull himself back up and come to terms with reality and maybe to keep your memory alive.

And that's all! This was a real whirlwind and I didn't really anticipate it being this long! Hope you guys enjoyed this! Thanks for @tetsunormous for getting mad at me for spamming and beta reading! Requests are open so please don't be shy to leave anything in my inbox! Love you guys 💖💕❤️

General taglist (don’t be shy to comment your tumblr @ below): @tokyoghoose @macaronnv @reogou @midnightangelfox @wumboho @seiijixcia

[honeyapplepi]

haikyuu headcannons: domestic headcannons -karasuno addition

Takeda, Ukai, Sugawara, Daichi, Asahi, Nishinoya, Tanaka, Kageyama, Tsukishima, Hinata, Yamaguchi, Kiyoko, Yachi

warnings: tooth rotting fluff

a/n: this is a long one, so come get your juice ☺️ also sorry to all the asahi stans i feel like i did y’all dirty

Karasuno x gn!reader

masterlist (request // open)

[TAKEDA]

Takeda will always make you breakfast in the bed if he came home late the previous night

he’s not the best cook but he can decently follow a recipe

he has to get up early for work anyway and loves to wake you up with pancakes or whatever thing he made you that morning

he does this to show you he cares because he knows because of his job and especially since he started helping out the volleyball team that he isn’t around a lot and when he is he’s still working

he doesn’t have much time to eat with you but he’ll stay with you as long as he can and makes sure to give you a long kiss goodbye

[UKAI]

he loves taking care of the shop with you

it doesn’t matter if you’re working the register and he’s sweeping or it’s the other way around he loves doing something that could be considered tiring with the person he loves the most

he also secretly loves when the boys walk in the store while you two are working peacefully together or when old ladies come in and compliment on how cute the two of you are

he loves being known as the couple that runs the store seeing the two of you do something so domestic and adult (even though he’s 26 and an actual adult) makes him wonder onto the future maybe in a few years there will be many yous and hims helping around the store too

[SUGAWARA]

loves to bake with you

on the weekends when he doesn’t have practice you’ll find yourself in his kitchen following some recipe he found on tiktok

at first it always starts out smooth but as soon as whatever you’re baking goes in the oven it’s an all out flour war

It always ends up making a huge mess that you two don’t clean up for a hour Suga doesn’t necessarily like cleaning but with you it becomes a fun routine as you spew out baking pick up lines

if what you made involves icing you better believe Suga will put icing on your nose and lick it off them will use the leftover icing and start drawing things on your face

[DAICHI]

loves to shop with you

doesn’t matter what you’re buying he loves the way you get excited when you see something you like

he loves to spoil you and going shopping even if it is just for groceries gives him a chance to see things you’d want

the security of it all also makes him happy he feels good knowing that the two of you can go grocery shopping without getting out of hand it helps him know better for the future

he also sometimes likes to pretend you’re grocery shopping for your shared home instead of you helping his buy stuff for his house

[ASAHI]

taking walks together

Asahi loves taking walks with you no matter them being five minutes or ten minutes

taking a walk with you gives him a chance to listen to your day without any interruptions he can watch as your eyes sparkle when you mention your new favorite song or how your face gets annoyed when you mention your least favorite subject

he can also clear his mind of his insecurities during walks and it especially helps when your standing next to him smiling at him with love lacing your eyes

[NISHINOYA]

waking up together is Nishinoya’s favorite time of the day

he’s not exactly a morning person but his mood brightens by 100% when he sees you

he has no particular reasoning but he loves shoving the two of you in his small bathroom and doing morning routines together he’ll have an extra special day if you two do face mask instead of just your usual face wash routine

something about waking up and getting ready with his partner makes Noya more upbeat and happy he likes waking up with someone and doing things with someone especially when that someone is the love of his life

[TANAKA]

playing try not to laugh with each other

you two will spend hours sitting on the floor of your living room water filled in one of your cheeks while the other tries to make you laugh

Tanaka always succeeds at making you laugh which puts a smile on his face since he loves your laugh

during his turn he’ll create little rap verses that are absolutely horrible yet somehow kind of a bop

no matter how funny what you just said was Tanaka will laugh because he loves the expression of joy you have when you succeed making him laugh

most the time these little try not to laugh sessions end up making an abundance of inside jokes which you’ll make throughout the day and die of laughter each time

[KAGEYAMA]

playing volleyball together Kageyama is well aware that he spends a lot of time on volleyball and is sad he doesn’t spend more time with you

it warms Kageyama’s heart that you would use your time together to help him better himself at his hobby and it really makes him happy to know you care that much about his happiness

though no matter how you feel about playing volleyball Kageyama will always ask if you wanna do something else because he doesn’t want you to feel like you can only spend time with him if it benefits him

so whenever you smile and say you like playing with him he’ll smile and give you a small hug he doesn’t have you playing full on hardcore volleyball you mainly just spike so he can better his set direction

[TSUKISHIMA]

likes listening to music with you Tsukishima isn’t too good with words so part of how he shows how he feels is through music

he likes just studying together with some song playing in the background you don’t need to be talking just listening to the songs he plays for you

he also likes to know your thoughts on the songs he plays but doesn’t want to outright ask you so he’ll look at you and if your bobbing your head or lip syncing the words he’ll slightly smile and a small blush will appear on his face he doesn’t know you see it but you definitely do

also extra cute fact ever since you started dating he bought earbuds and stopped using headphones so you could listen to music together while you walk home

[HINATA]

babysitting his sister together

Hinata enjoys babysitting his sister no matter what but likes it way more when you’re there and he finds it adorable how you interact with his sister

his sister loves you and seeing you take care of her, despite him being so young, has his mind wondering off to in ten years what it would be like for there to be mini hims and yous (if that’s what you wanted of course)

it also makes him feel happy knowing his sister approves of you, even though it really doesn’t matter to him, he likes knowing his two favorite people get along and like eachother so much

[YAMAGUCHI]

eating lunch together sure it’s something simple but it means a lot to Yamaguchi

every day you around lunch you two sit under a big tree by the school and eat together sometimes it’s filled with silence and other times quiet chatter about your days so far but no matter what it’s always a fun time

Yamaguchi likes the routine of doing something with you he likes knowing that you set aside a certain time for him everyday just to each lunch in silence most the time

Yamaguchi is pretty shy even when you’ve been dating for a while so he often gets insecure that you’ll get annoyed or tired of him but he always ends up reassured when he sees you walking to him with a big smile everyday at lunch

[KIYOKO]

Kiyoko isn’t shy but she doesn’t talk much so she’s enjoys cuddling up and watching movies together

Kiyoko is a very observant person and loves watching movies with you to see the reactions you have she’ll always notice when you gasp when something shocking happened or laugh quietly when a funny joke was made

she’s feels this is a way to get closer to you without having to have a conversation about yourselves since she’s not very good at those

she’s also a very good listener so she loves when the movie ends and she gets to watch and listen to you as you talk about your favorite parts or your least favorite parts

[YACHI]

reading together not like you read to each other but being in the same room and reading different books is Yachi favorite thing

she likes the calmness that comes with it just the two of you quietly reading to yourselves Yachi is a very nervous and easily intimidated person so the calmest of reading plus being near you calms her nerves

she also like watching you react to something you read or when you see her react to something and say she’s cute she’ll turn red as a tomato but it’s adorable

[achliegh]

Golden

Yeehaw Leo… it's all because this song came on one day (I don’t even really listen to country anymore so it really is fate). Leo is based off that song, each chapter is going to be based off a yeehaw song too.

Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Beta: @the-most-slyterin-hufflepuff & @punkkkboi

TW/CW: Smut, terrible yeehaw sayings and jokes, injuries, mentions of past death/suicide, minor character death, underage drinking, mentions of past arrests, cringe

Chapter Songs (listening in order is recommended):

Chapter 9:

FMRN

Would You Go With Me

My Stress

Today was the day, Leo was moving to Gryffindor with two sexy hockey players who actually want him. He hasn’t stopped smiling for the last 26 hours. He was currently in the shower while his boys packed a ‘sexy time’ bag in his closet. Casually bopping to the beat of FMRN as he rinsed off his body. Stepping out of the shower he starts drying off. Legs, stomach, chest, face and everything else. Walking to the closet for the connecting door to the bathroom he finds Finn sitting on a suitcase and Logan trying to zip it shut. Shaking his head he walks over to this plane clothes and starts getting dressed, just a simple pair of jeans, t shirt, belt and baseball cap.

The music was still in the background as Logan jumps up and whoops with triumph. Skipping over to Leo he pulls him in for a rather aggressive, excited, kiss with Finn following with his own sweet and gentle one of his own.

“That bag is crazy full, just so you know.” Finn smiles and kisses Logan’s forehead, the shorter of them was still buzzing like he drank six energy drinks. They heard a bell being rung for breakfast and all sprint over each other to get downstairs.

Judy does not play when it comes to breakfast.

After a healthy morning breakfast of shrimp and grits, or cheese grits if you are Leo, everyone started packing up the vehicles. Leo gets car sick a lot of the time in smaller cars so he is driving them to the airport, ‘them’ meaning Clay and Reg… Finn and Logan got kicked out into Thomas and Noelle's car. Logan fought a little about it but Finn knew that Leo still needed his space. So convincing Logan to go with him by offering a bag of salt and vinegar pork rinds, was rather easy.

Finn has noticed how easy to fall Leo is, he just hopes that Leo doesn’t hesitate with them. Logan didn’t make a very good impression the first time they left. Ever since then Leo has been, understandably, cautious around them. It hurts a little but Finn only ever notices after he looks back on a situation. How Leo looks unsure or hesitates to touch them.

He figured them living together might help Leo open up to him. He just wants him to be happy and safe with them.

“Why am I so nervous…? I have been talking about these two for the entire summer. Shouldn’t I be more excited?” Leo opens the gate with an app on his phone before setting it down in the cupholder. Reg and Clay share a look.

Leo has taken to getting drunk to open up about his fears, Reg and Clay have both become therapists for a sad Leo who isn’t thinking right. It usually stems from Logan's words he used to kiss Leo goodbye for the first time.

‘You are just… a guy who we had a fling’

‘You don’t mean anything to us Leo’

‘Stop being a fucking child Leo!’

Those words haunt Leo when he isn’t distracted in some way. It has gotten better ever since their trip to Gryffindor the first time, but they knew it still bothered him.

“Maybe it's because you are living somewhere away from Peanut for so long.” Clay smiles at him when their eyes meet in the rearview mirror.

“I did try and convince Logan to let him come with, but it was a no. I still can’t believe he is afraid of horses.” Leo snorts and visibly relaxes.

“You know you can always stay with me if you ever need anything, right?” Reg looks at him and gives him a soft smile. Leo squeezes his bicep in thanks. They continue the rest of the drive by Clay annoying Regulus until Reg climbs into the backseat to give him a couple of smacks with a bag of sunflower seeds.

A plane ride and a sleepy car ride later, Leo was carrying most of his bag into Finn’s apartment. He set everything down in the second bedroom and looked around. This was the smallest bedroom he has ever been in… But he was hoping he’d be spending most of his time in the master bedroom anyway. Biting his lip at the thought he is jolted out of his thoughts by two idiots trying to squeeze through the room door at the same time.

“I think we are stuck…”

“Non, I can get us out!” Logan pushes the bag that was in between then onto the floor and they both go toppling over. Leo couldn’t help that laugh that flew out of his mouth. He walks over to help them out just to be pulled into the pile on the ground. Right on top of his baseball bag.

“Oh fuck! Bat in my ribs!”

“You brought a bat!?” Logan is looking at him like he's insane but helps him stand after pushing Finn off himself. “How are you going to use that on the ice?”

“Lo… he plays baseball, not hockey.” Logan rolls his eyes and just ‘blah blah blah’s behind Finn’s back. “Why did you bring it though? It’s going to be too cold to play.”

“Gryff has an indoor batting cage, I looked it up before we left. Shouldn’t you know everything here by now?” Leo starts laying the bags out in a line and opening them up to start organizing the room. Clothes are first.

“Lo doesn’t get out much.” He gets a swift smack to the chest with a pair of long socks from said hermit. Rubbing his chest he smiles. “I have no excuse. Where do you want these?” Holding up the third pair of boots he has found while rummaging in Leo’s bags he holds them up.

“By the wall please.”

“So polite. Logan, you could learn something from him.” Logan makes a sound of offense and was going to say something back in return but Leo turns on his speaker and starts playing some country yeehaw shit, it's growing on him and he won’t lie about it.

“I love this song.” Leo grabs Logan by the wrist and pulls him close, one hand on his waist and the other interlocking their fingers. Swaying to the beat he suddenly pulls away to grab Finn's hand and spins him into his chest while singing “If I gave you my hand, would you take it And make me the happiest man in the world? If I told you my heart couldn't beat one more minute without you, Finn. Would you accompany me to the edge of the sea? Let me know if you're really a dream. I love you so, so would you go with me?”

Swinging Finn around as Logan watched in awe Leo is pulling away from Finn and holding his hand out to Logan. Breathing slightly heavy just smiling his bright chipped smile with his wild blue eyes. Logan can’t help but take his hand and let himself be spun so his back is to Leo’s chest as he mumbles those same words into his shoulder. “If I gave you my hand, would you take it? And make me the happiest man in the world? If I told you my heart couldn't beat one more minute without you, Lo. Would you accompany me to the edge of the sea? Let me know if you're really a dream. I love you so, so would you go with me?”

Hours of dancing and actual unpacking later, Logan had to leave to watch the kids while Celeste and Dumo head to their eye appointments. Leo was sprawled out on the sofa, mostly asleep, when he felt a kiss on his temple and heard some mumbling.

“I’m going on a run, I’ll be back. Okay?” Nodding a couple seconds later after the question sunk in, Leo gives him a quick peck on the lips and buries himself back into the couch.

When he wakes up Finn still isn’t back, his own phone is dead, and it's cold. He sets his feet on the ground after sitting up and a shiver runs through his body. Wrapping his arms around himself he walks to his new room and pulls on his thickest socks, that just happen to have a hole that his big toes catches on. He also decides to change into his one pair of sweats, the Lions ones from the hockey game, and the sweatshirt he wore with them. Putting the hood up and pulling it tight so just his face isn't covered, tying a little bow he doesn’t care how he looks, he’s warmish now.

Wandering into the kitchen and plugging his phone into an outlet in the island, he texts the boys asking what they want to eat, turning on the oven would feel nice. While he's waiting for a response he decided to look around. He walks into the living room where he was just napping to look at all the pictures Finn has of his team, family, friends and him and Logan.

Smiling he picks up a picture frame with Finn on some guy's back, Leo thinks his name is Kasey if he remembers properly. They are in a fountain but only Kasey is wet. He sets it down and picks up a picture that is not in a frame but just laying on the table. Odd. It is of Finn and Logan, they look younger and Logan has a blonde streak in his hair. They are smiling wider than Leo has ever seen them smile. Finn has his arm around Logan’s shoulder and Logan has his arm around Finn’s waist.

Their cheeks are pressed together. It’s sweet. Leo turns the picture over and reads what is written on the back.

‘The year I found the one.’

Leo smiles and sets the picture back down, walking over the wall that has pictures literally taped to it. He makes a mental note to buy some frames. He is taking in all the smiles of people he didn’t know, a man looking like Finn and Finn actually headbutting in a picture makes him laugh.

He hears his phone ding with a text notification, he makes his way over and notices the corner of a picture sticking out from under the couch. He pauses in his path and bends down to pick it up. It’s folded, but it’s a picture of Finn and Logan at the bonfire that Leo took them too. Leo unfolds the side of the picture and realises… there is a crease over his own face.

Ouch.

He folds the crease again and sees how it completely cuts him out of the picture. Leo actually has this same picture in the back of his phone case. Suddenly that tiny drop of doubt becomes flooding water filling up his head. Putting the picture down on the counter after he walks back over to the phone.

He opens his messages to the boys needing steak for dinner… maybe… Did they forget? He sighs and feels the doubt flooding from his brain to his heart. Shaky hands start some music to hopefully distract himself from the smell and texture of meat. Clicking his phone off he starts working on dinner.

Finn and Logan walk in the apartment together, laughing and still sweaty from the run that Logan joined Finn half way through. Taking off their shoes and setting Logan’s bag by the door, a heavenly smell fingers their nose holes.

They share a look of confusion for a moment when they realize the smell is actually steak… They thought Leo would have gotten the joke but maybe not. Maybe the ‘lol’ and ‘lmao definitely’ weren’t obvious enough. They make their way to the kitchen and hear the music and the sizzle of a pan.

They turn the corner to see Leo, looking rather sad. His eyebrows are furrowed and he looks slightly green, he is watching a small steak cook in a pan with no emotion in those normally challenging eyes. His hair looks like he has ran his hands through it and gripped it so it is standing wildly on his head. His hood is tied but not on his head. He is slightly shivering from either it being cold or something else.

Finn was the first to approach him. Resting his hand gently on Leo’s as they hold the spatula with a death grip, he takes the tool away and tosses it towards the sink and having no clue where it landed. Logan has taken it upon himself to turn off the stove and move the pan off the heat.

“Leo?”

“Are you using me?” Leo just blurts out what he is thinking and automatically regrets it from the look of hurt on Finn’s face and the look of anger on Logan’s.

“Let's talk about this while we clean these.” Finn holds up Leo’s hand to inspect the tiny knife cuts he accidently got from chopping onions. Being pulled towards the bathroom, Leo is told to sit on the counter. He does. Logan takes the peroxide from Finn and wets a couple of cotton balls with it.

Scrunching his nose as Logan dabs his small nicks he looks up at Finn who is holding two boxes of bandages, one box is Bob the Builder theme and the other is Hello Kitty. Smiling Leo nods towards the Hello Kitty ones.

“What makes you think we are using you?” Leo zones out for a second, thinking about the song that is still playing in the kitchen and how they need to turn the music off. “Leo.” He remembers that he was being asked a question and clears his throat.

“I don’t know, It’s just that you guys were already together before I came into your relationship. I just feel like maybe I’m just here to piss people off or as some… I dunno fetish maybe. I know it hasn’t been super long but I thought that maybe you would have one or two pictures of me. And I saw the folded one where it’s folded over me…” He is avoiding looking at Logan at all costs.

“I can’t speak for Logan,” Finn cups his cheek and makes him look at him. “But I really really like you, and I’m definitely with you, for you.” Smiling at him Leo lets himself be kissed and melts into it. Pulling away they both look towards Logan, who seems to be lost for words.

“I can’t believe you would think of us like that!” Finn gives him a warning look and Logan takes a deep breath. “Sorry, I just- I’m not good at this type of stuff. I’m really bad at expressing my feelings and emotions, usually I show them in other ways.” He takes Leo's hand and plays with his fingers. “I’m sorry I just snapped a second ago, I’m used to Finn speaking for the both of us… but I’m realizing that makes us ‘one’ in this relationship when obviously there are two of us that really want you.” Leo smiled a little and lifted Logan's hand to his lips giving it a few kisses.

“I really like you too, Lo.” he smiles the tiniest smile and turns to look at Finn. “I like you too.”

Logan and Finn lean in to kiss Leo’s cheeks at the same time. Smiling, Leo lets himself receive the affection without worrying if it's real.

He can worry when he is alone.

[sopeyb23-blog]

The Three Rules

Rule #1, Rule #2, Rule #3

*not my gif

Summary: Spencer and F!Reader get engaged shortly before tragedy strikes

Warnings: explosion, crying, alcohol, angst, hospitals

Pairing: Spencer Reid x F!reader

words: 3.7 K

A/N: last part in this mini series, but let me know if you want me to make more like this!

*i do not own any CM characters.

~~~~~~~

Rule #3: never leave the other completely alone.

Spencer~

It was paperwork day at the BAU and the bullpen was starting to empty out as the day came to a close. That is, except for our team. Hotch told us that if we stayed late to finish all of the paperwork he would not only join us for our weekly family dinner at Rossi’s, but he would also sing with the karaoke machine, and that offer was just too good for any of us to pass up. Morgan stood and walked over to my desk where I was hunched over the files that laid in front of me.

“Pretty boy, please tell me it's happening tonight”

 I nervously looked over my shoulder to see Y/N over at the coffee station across the room staring intently at two boxes of tea. 

“Morgan, could you keep your voice down! She's right there!”

“Oh, calm down pretty boy, she has no idea!” he sat on the corner of my desk and proceeded to talk, though thankfully a little quieter.

“If you do it tonight it will be perfect, trust me! The whole family will be there and it will be beautiful, and we can help you out, and set up the atmosphere and it will be perfect! You have to do it tonight.”

“Do what tonight?” I could hear Y/N’s voice from behind me and I swear my heart stopped. Luckily Morgan is much better at covering things up than I am, so he took the chance to get me out of the hole I was in.

“Karaoke, I’m trying to convince your lover boy that he has to sing with me at Rossi’s tonight!” Y/N chuckled and handed me a mug before taking a seat on my lap.

“Ohh, trust me on this one Morgan, Spence may be a genus, but singing is not his forte.” Morgan laughed and I looked up at her with a pout.

“Really? I thought you loved my voice!” She laughed and shook her head at me while Morgan got up from my desk and walked back to his. I heard Hotch’s door open from above us and he walked down the stairs briskly.

“Well, it looks like we’ve done all we can for the night” He gestured to where Y/N sat on my lap with a small smile. Garcia walked in the bullpen from the back dancing her way over to Morgan.

“You know what that means my sculpted dancing king” he laughed and took her hand to swirl her around.

“It's party time!” Rossi came out from his office at the last second and we all quickly gathered our things agreeing to meet up at his mansion after a quick stop at our own houses to get changed.

Y/N~

As soon as Spencer and I got into our car to head home I noticed something was wrong. Usually he is only quiet on the way to work, but never on the way home. I even attempted to get him in a party mood by playing some bops from my phone, but still nothing, not even a crack of a smile when I sang horribly on purpose. On top of all that he was biting his lip. He only does that when he's nervous about something or if he's thinking, and I could hear the high whine from his IQ from the driver's seat that told me he was deep in thought. We finally arrived at our apartment and without saying a word we moved around the small place quickly, attempting to change into our party clothes. I threw on a dress that JJ had got me for my birthday and called Spencer over to me for help.

“Hey Spence?”

“Zipper?” I laughed as he made his way into the bathroom and smiled as he saw me. He slowly put one hand on my waist and the other on my back tracing the zipper line. Eventually, and very slowly, he brought the zipper up my back, moving his hand from my waist to slide my hair over my shoulder. He smiled at me in the mirror and spun me around to kiss me.

“You look beautiful” 

“Thank you my handsome prince” I laughed and he took a deep breath before grabbing my hand and leading me from the bathroom.

“You ready?” 

“Yup, you?” He gave me a little panicked look that I'm not sure was on purpose but then nodded frantically, trying to cover up his nervousness that seemed to come from nowhere. This time in the car he drove and played Brahms the whole way to Rossi’s. I saw him continue to bite his lip as he put one hand in his pocket and fiddled with something in it over and over again. Finally I got fed up with the silence and grabbed his free hand.

“Hey, are you okay? You seem a little nervous today.” he put his hand on my thigh and nodded.

“Yeah, I'm fine , I promise, just paperwork days you know?” I raised my eyebrows at him wanting a further explanation but he either chose to ignore me, or didn’t see as he went back to his silence and pulled into the driveway of Rossi’s house. 

Spencer~

 I knew she would notice my nervousness, that was inevitable, but I didn't quite think through how I was going to play that off. I saw from her face that she did not believe me one bit in the car, but now the time was coming closer and I wouldn't have to hide it at all from her anymore. We walked hand in hand up to the door and stepped inside to loud music and the sound of laughter coming from his enormous living room. 

“Yayyyy! The lovebirds are here!” Garcia ran up to us with open arms and hugged the two of us before Morgan dragged her back.

 “Lets slow down a little there babygirl” Y/N and I both laughed at what had become the usual weekly occurrence at Rossi’s team/family dinners. Next, Emily came up to us with a glass of wine in each hand. Y/N reached her hand out for one but Emily pulled it back.

“Mmmmmmmm, nope. These are for me now.” She slurred slightly and Y/N raised her eyebrows.

“Em, how much have you had to drink?” she put her glasses down and pointed at Rossi who was preparing food in the kitchen. He looked back and chuckled.

“An impressive amount I'd say” he replied and Emily smiled back at the both of us.

“Beautiful dress by the way” she moved on to Y/N as she began to walk away and JJ shouted from the corner.

“I did that! I knew it would be pretty on you!” 

“Thanks JJ, you were very right” Y/N responded and took my hand to guide me to the dinner table outside with the rest of them. 

As the dinner came to an end Hotch stood up from the table and raised his empty glass to us all.

“I just want to say, thank you all for making me come tonight, I don't regret it one bit. And now for the second half of my promise to you all…” we all got excited as we knew what came next.

“Karaoke and dance time is now in session!” We all cheered and got up to set up the dance floor in Rossi’s yard.  After all of us had equally embarrassed ourselves with the karaoke machine we moved onto the dance floor and the mood became peaceful as we all grabbed a partner and danced slowly to whatever Garcia thought was fitting. Derek and Garcia both looked over at me where I was swaying slowly with Y/N and nodded their heads before Garcia got up to change the song. She put on Y/N’s favorite slow song and moved back to Derek as we began dancing.

 “I love this song” Y/N lifted her head off of my chest sleepily and I smiled at her before taking her hand to dance. The nervousness that I had felt before went away completely as I looked at her serene face. I extended my arm to twirl her around and as she spun in a slow circle I dropped to one knee and waited for her to turn back around. 

Y/N~

Spencer spun me in a slow circle and as I faced away from him for just a split second I felt my arm lower. I turned around to find him kneeling on the ground in front of me.

“A-are you okay?” I took his hand worriedly and the rest of the BAU team chuckled at me as they watched. Spencer laughed and squeezed my hand.

“I am now.” there was a moment's pause before he continued.

“When I first met you, I knew instantly that everything I thought I knew about love was wrong. And you made sure to tell me that when we first started dating. You got me through the hardest time of my life, saw me at my lowest and my darkest and never failed to see the light in me. Every day that I wake up to see you laying next to me is a blessing and I could never imagine my life without you” we were both crying and all our teammates around us were teary eyed.

“I promise you that I will always be by your side. So, Y/N, will you marry me?” I dropped to my knees weakly and sobbed as I threw my hands around his neck and cried into his shoulder.

“So, is that a yes?” I nodded into his neck and lifted my head for a moment.

“Yes, that a yes you idiot!” the team around us laughed and he slipped the thin ring onto my finger and helped me stand up before pulling me into a warm kiss. 

Spencer ~

The next morning I woke up again with her in my arms. I smiled as I fondly remembered the events of last night and how we danced after I slid the ring on her finger. She grumbled something in her sleep and turned onto her stomach, reaching her neck out so that she could put her head on my chest. I heard my phone ring on the table and quickly reached out to it so that she wouldn't wake up.

“Hey Hotch, whats up?”

“I'm sorry to do this today of all days but we need both of you at the tarmac ASAP.”

“Alright, we’ll be there in 20” I hung up and slid her off of my chest as I went around the apartment getting everything together. After everything was ready to go I slid her into my arms and carried her along with all of our things into the car. As I set her down she shifted in her seat but remained asleep. We arrived at the jet quickly and while she still slept I picked her and all of our things up and carried them onto the jet. 

“Pretty boy what are you-”

“Hey, shh! She's still asleep, be quiet” I whisper screamed at Morgan and they all smiled and chuckled at me as I delicately placed her on the couch and took a seat by her feet so that she could still feel me near her. The jet ride was short and by the time Y/N woke up on the jet-very confused and slightly angry that I did all of that while she was asleep- we had arrived at the police station. We only spent a few minutes there however because Hotch sent us all out into the neighborhood to do group canvassing. I was paired up with Morgan but Y/N and Emily were on the same street, canvasing the other side so that every house was covered. Morgan walked a little behind me as I walked up onto the porch of a white house and knocked at the door. I heard Morgan say something behind me and I turned the handle of the door. Suddenly as if in slow motion I realized what he had said and pushed him backwards only a moment too late. 

Y/N~

Emily and I were in the living room of the house across from Spencer and Morgan when we heard the explosion. The thing about explosions like this is that the sound becomes very distorted and is almost impossible to tell where it has come from unless you wait for the rubble to clear. When you enter the academy everyone has to go through bomb training. We all get a little bit of it even if the field we are going into doesn’t deal with them often. They always tell you in those workshops to pay attention more to what you see than what you hear, especially if you are close to, or within range of the bomb. The thing is, neither of my senses would help me. The only sound I could hear was my own scream as I ran toward Spencer, and the only thing I could see was Emily as she jumped in front of me, preventing me from leaving the house.

“Emily you need to let me go!” I screamed at her and fought against her arms.

“Look at me! Look at me! You know we can't go out there! We have to wait! We have to wait!” I knew she was right but Spencer was out there. If I didn't know where he was, if I didn't know where the bomb was, how was i supposed to stay put. I continued to fight against her as she held me back in the doorway. 

“Spencer! No Emily let me go! Spencer!” my screams only got louder as she held me back with a horrified look in her eyes. Eventually we heard the sirens. When they stopped, signifying that they had arrived, Emily finally let go of me, allowing me to spring out of her hold and throw open the door in front of me. Only I wish I hadn't. I wish she had held on for a minute longer. What I saw when I opened that door was exactly the worst I could have imagined. I saw Derek, bleeding and stumbling around in the wreckage. But worst of all I saw the firemen and medics pulling Spencer’s limp body out  from the rubble. Emily stood beside me as I realized I had stopped moving. She called out to Derek and ran to him as the medics took Spencer into an ambulance. I unfroze myself and ran towards where they were taking him only to be stopped again by Emily.

“Emily, I need to be with him!” I had tunnel vision and felt myself diving into panic. Derek walked beside me with a limp and looked me in the eyes with an expression I had never seen on his face. 

“Y/N, you don't want to see him like that.” it was too late anyways. They had already started to drive away with him. I crumbled to the ground sobbing and ignored the blood on my hands and arms from the sharp glass digging into me. Emily sadly picked me up and walked me to a car. we drove towards Spencer in a haze and in that haze, I didn't even realize how I turned the new ring on my finger. Hoping. Praying that the man who gave it to me was still alive. 

Spencer~

When I came to, all of my senses were altered. I don't really know if I could call it being conscious other than the fact that there was a ringing in my head so intense I could feel pain. But that's really the only sense that was intact. I almost wish it wasn't. The pain was so bad it clouded all of my other senses and made them useless. I didn't know where I was or what had happened. All I knew was that I hurt, and I needed it to stop. The only thing that comforted me was that my thoughts never stopped. It's weird to have to focus on the fact that my mind was still working. But it was, at least in that one way. I could still order my thoughts. I could still picture things in my brain like the image of Y/N in that dress. Or that time last week when Emily brought in donuts and her face was covered in white powder. Or the other week when she went over to JJ’s house for dinner and she held Micheal the entire time on her lap so that JJ could eat.  Rule #3 of how we keep sane while working together is that we never leave the other alone. I remember why we made this rule as I lay wherever I lay picturing her face on the night we made these three rules. It was the same night that I had told her about Tobias Hankle. It was the same night she told me about a time when she was alone as well. We both had trauma. We both knew what it felt like to be alone. Completely and utterly alone. Like there was no one in the world who would even notice that you were drowning. But she noticed. She saw me drowning and reached a hand out to pull me up. It's because of her that I’m alive today. Or am I? The thing about the brain is that It’s so complex that we don't really know what happens when someone is dead, or unconscious. When humans are awake we only use 10% of our brains. But the funny thing is, when we are unconscious there is 80-90% of our brain that becomes suddenly available. And yet somehow, with all of that extra brainpower, I still can only think of one thing. One person.

Y/N~

When The doctors finally came to find me heaving and sobbing in the waiting room, they turned to Emily and Derek before me. JJ was beside me, a hand on my back trying to translate to me what they were saying. 

“He's out of surgery now, and we’re hopeful, but there was a lot of bleeding” 

“When will he wake up?” Emily and Derek continued the conversation as I stayed shell shocked in my chair.

“Well- i’m sorry, is that his fiancé?” she stopped before answering the question and gestured over to me. Derek nodded and the doctor came over to me and knelt at my feet.

“I'm very sorry about what happened to him. I know that this can be hard to understand but-”

“You still haven't answered the question” I looked up with red and puffy eyes.

“I know this is hard, but we need you to understand that it's not about when it's about if.” She proceeded to try and explain to me the extent of the damage that was done to his brain but saw that clearly I was not interested in hearing it, so she turned back to a nurse and told them to take me to his room. 

Spencer~

For days all I could do was hear. My eyes stayed shut and the pain continued. The ringing had started to subside just enough that I could even hear the quieter sounds from around the room I was in. Sometimes if Y/N fell asleep in the chair beside my bed I could hear her breathing, which calmed me. But mostly I heard her cries. The team came everyday, but she was the only one allowed to stay overnight. When they came at first they would try to cheer her up, bring her treats and coffee and attempt to convince her to eat something. But after about a week I think they started to lose faith in me. She didn't. She never did. The doctors and the team would come in and try to talk to her. They all tried to tell her that she needed to prepare herself. That maybe it was time. She never did. She fought for me. Every day. Today, the team came one by one, stopping by and trying to get her to eat, and leaving when she refused. She cried more than usual today, and I could feel her faith in me start to slip. But I also knew she wouldn't have to wait much longer. I knew a fair share of what was happening to me and I knew that once the ringing went away, more than likely I would wake up. And today, the ringing was barely a whisper. Out of nowhere it seemed she spoke to me.

“Spencer I love you.” With a shaky breath she continued.

“I need you to hear these vows just in case. Because even if you don't make it, I want you to know what I'm going to say on our wedding day, no matter how long I have to wait for it. The day that I told you my story I remember how quiet your apartment felt to me. For what felt like the first time in my life, the silence was because you listened. You held my hand and listened to me like no one ever had before. More than just listening to me, you believed me. When I showed you my scars you kissed each one of them and told me that I was beautiful. No one had ever done that before. For every problem that I helped you solve, you helped me solve ten, and I will be forever grateful that I got to see your beautiful mind first hand. The only regret that I have is that you've left me alone” her voice stopped and she placed her head on my chest before continuing.

“You promised me you would never leave my side” 

Y/N~ 

I cried on his chest and paused before saying it again

“You promised me i would never be alone!” there was a moment of silence before his hand came up on my back and I froze.

“And you never will be”

~~~~~~~

Back. 

[paintingwithdarkness]

"i run the night slot on campus radio and some jackass keeps calling in to insult my music taste and request high school musical songs instead” with BluePulse please!

“Good evening, Tigers! You’re listening to Houston U’s nightly segment. I’m your host, Jaime Reyes. Y’all just listened to ‘Today is the Day’ by Yo La Tengo. Next up we have ‘Seven Nation Army’ by The White Stripes.” Jaime pressed a button on the console in front of him, starting the next song before adding on to his commentary. “If anyone has any requests, don’t hesitate to call in!”

Jaime switched off his microphone and let the song play, flopping back in his chair. Running the night segment of the Houston University campus radio was a pretty chill gig. It paid him above minimum wage for every hour he worked, he only had to work six hour shifts, and it was only five days a week. Besides that, it was a solo job, and no one was there to tell him what to do. Obviously there had been some ground rules when he’d been hired— no cursing on air, and he had to take call-ins from students— but other than that, he had free rein of the radio frequency and he could play whatever music he wanted from 6 pm to Midnight, Monday through Friday. All he had to do was press buttons on a control console, sit back, relax, and occasionally answer the phone.

Speaking of which... Jaime checked the time. 10:28 pm. Great, that meant it was almost time.

With a groan, he raised a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose in exasperation, eyes squeezing shut. Every night for the past two weeks at exactly 10:30 pm, without fail, the same jackass student had been calling in to insult his music taste and request High School Musical songs instead. The first time it had happened, Jaime had been shocked at the audacity of the student, but had granted the song request anyway. (He had to. It was part of his contract. If a person called in with a song request, Jaime had to grant it. The only exception was if someone requested a song that was inappropriate to air. As long as it had clean/sensored language, and was free from overly explicit themes, Jaime queued up the song).

He mentally prepared himself. ‘Seven Nation Army’ was just about over, and Jaime already had his next song selected. If he timed things right, he could take the annoying student’s call during the next song, and wouldn’t have to subject himself to humiliation where everyone who was listening to his station could hear. It had only taken Jaime three nights to catch onto the trend.

As the guitar faded out, Jaime switched back on his microphone and addressed his audience, “That one’s a classic. ‘Seven Nation Army’ by The White Stripes. Hope y’all enjoyed that one. I’ve got a few more songs in store for y’all with the time we have left-”

The tell-tale ring of the phone interrupted him. Jaime had to bite his tongue to prevent the string of Spanish curses that wanted to fall from his lips from actually coming out. He had spent too long talking, and now he had to take the dreaded call on-air.

He took a deep breath, and had to layer on the enthusiasm thick as he ‘cheerily’ exclaimed, “It looks like we have our first caller of the night!” Jaime picked up the phone and gave the scripted greeting, “Hello, fellow Tiger! You’re on-air with Houston U’s nightly segment. Care to introduce yourself to all the listeners out there?”

Like all the nights previous when Jaime had asked this question, he got the same response. “Nah. I think I’ll stay anonymous. Keep things interesting. Though if you want a clue, I’ll tell you; I’m on the track team.”

Jaime scrambled for his notebook. That was the biggest clue he’d gotten yet about this mysterious student caller. It was almost like some kind of game. So far, every night when this student had called in, they’d said they wanted to remain anonymous, yet would give a clue about their identity. So far, Jaime had a bulleted list of eight items, with ‘track team’ being number nine. The other clues he’d received were ‘hates Indie Rock’ (which was Jaime’s favorite genre of music, thank you very much), ‘favorite movie is High School Musical 2’ (which was blatantly obvious, based on the songs this jackass student always requested), ‘favorite color is red’ (which told Jaime squat about who this kid was), ‘favorite food is chicken whizzes’ (once again, jack shit), ‘red hair’ (which was the first major clue Jaime had gotten), ‘green eyes’ (now it was obvious the kid wanted Jaime to figure out who he was), ‘5’9”’ (somewhat helpful), ‘Freshman’ (which eliminated 3/4 of the students on campus this caller could be), ‘mechanical engineering major’ (another somewhat helpful clue), and ‘gay’ (which, wow, Jaime would never out himself live on the air. This guy had some balls...).

After the mad scramble for a pencil, Jaime flipped the notebook open and single-handedly jotted down the new piece of information, balancing the phone against his ear with the other hand. When he was finished, he leaned back in the big leather chair, kicking his feet up against the edge of the desk in front of himself, feeling satisfied. Jaime knew he had enough information now to track down this annoying student and put an end to these stupid calls interrupting his radio show every night. Tonight would be the last time ‘We’re All in This Together’, ‘Bop to the Top’, or ‘Get Your Head in the Game’ would play during his segment, and Jaime was RELIEVED.

“Is that why you feel the need to call into my show every night?” Jaime fired back at the student. “So you can rope all of your track mates into singing ‘We’re All in This Together’ while you run in circles?”

An airy laugh was the response. And there a slight second where Jaime thought to himself, ‘Wow. That’s actually kinda cute,’ before his brain rebooted and he realized how counterintuitive that was. This guy was an annoyance that had to be dealt with. So what if he had an attractive laugh? It didn’t erase all of the other judgements Jaime had already formed of this student. And they were that this guy had terrible music taste and needed to find another hobby besides calling in every night to bug the shit out of Jaime.

“What better song to commemorate mutual suffering?” The other man laughed again.

Jaime scowled. ‘Mutual suffering’? Sure, Jaime knew the vexing student was talking about his track mates, but he couldn’t help catching the irony in the choice of words. As far as Jaime was concerned, the only one doing any suffering was him.

“So is that your request for tonight?” Jaime just wanted to get this over with already.

A contemplative “hmmm” made its way down the line, before being followed with, “Well, I was originally gonna ask for ‘Get Your Head in the Game’ but ‘All in this Together’ works nicely, too.”

“Por Díos,” Jaime mumbled under his breath. “¿No puede este idiota tomar una decisión?”

“Woah, hey, is that Spanish?!” Apparently Jaime’s mumblings hadn’t been quiet enough. “Yo hablo español!”

Jaime cringed. The pronounciation was terrible, but the enthusiasm was endearing. And dammit! He shouldn’t be thinking things like that. His train of thought was off the tracks again.

Without saying anything else, Jaime turned to his computer, quickly punched ‘We’re All in this Together’ into the song search bar, and hit play. He switched over the audio connection so that the only thing his audience could hear was the music, took a deep breath, and then made his rebuttal to the annoying student.

“You might want to work on that pronounciation, ese.”

The response was whiny. “Aww, it’s not that bad!”

Jaime cringed. “It’s not great, either.”

The student on the other line sighed. “Fine. But at least I have good taste in music!”

“That’s debatable.” Jaime didn’t know why he was dragging out the conversation. Usually after he granted this annoying caller’s request each night, the student rattled off a final jab at Jaime, before just hanging up. Why was he staying on the line tonight? Maybe Jaime just had to direct the conversation in that direction?

“My music is better than what you play every night. I’m doing you and your radio station a favor!” And yep, there it was.

“I don’t think people are tuning into my station to listen to the one High School Musical song you insist I play every night.”

Jaime could practically hear the smirk through the line when the other student responded. “Even if people are tuning in to listen to your crappy music, my song is still the highlight.”

Jaime groaned. He was growing weary of this conversation. “Do you listen to anything besides terrible High School Musical songs?”

That cute laugh caught in Jaime’s ears again. “Doi. A guy needs to have a little variety in his music. I’ve also got ‘Can’t Stop Singing’, ‘Turn Up the Music’, ‘Determinate’-”

Jaime’s eyes rolled skyward. “I’m gonna stop you there. Does your playlist contain any songs that aren’t from Disney Channel movies?”

A horrified gasp marked the beginning of the indignant response. “What’s wrong with Disney movies? High School Musical is the crashest movie series in existence.”

Jaime didn’t have enough time to think over the choice of the word ‘crashest’ before the other student continued rambling on.

“What other kind of music do you need?! Disney movies have great numbers, teach you about life and friendship, and growing up, and you gotta be kidding me if you don’t think Zac Efron is hot playing Troy.”

Jaime snorted a laugh for the last amendment to the other student’s statement. He’d only watched High School Musical once, and that was enough for him. And despite occasionally finding other men attractive (being bisexual himself), Zac Efron had never really done it for Jaime.

“I wouldn’t exactly call those ‘musical numbers’ as you put it, any type of masterpiece, however, I suppose you earn a pass for the friendship and growing up part.” Jaime smartly decided to skip the Zac Efron comment altogether, “I would say I’m more of a fan of the Disney animated movies. At least I can tolerate the Lion King and Aladdin sound tracks.”

A little puff of a chuckle, and then, “You should really get a better hobby than bashing on Disney movies.”

Jaime scoffed and immediately fired back, “You’re the one who calls me every night to bash on my music.”

“Oooh.” The other student made a hissing sound, as if a flame were being extinguished. “Caught red handed. But—” And here, Jaime could sense something dangerous was about to be said— “how about we settle this once and for all. You obviously don’t get out of the radio studio enough. What say you come to the next Houston U track meeting? We can settle this music debate once and for all.” Yep. That was a challenge.

Jaime took a few seconds to deliberate. He was curious to see who this mysterious caller was. Besides, what harm could it do? Jaime was not the type to back down when he was challenged. He had his pride and dignity. He would not be bested by this asshole. He was going to go to that track meeting.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, ese.” If the other student were there in person, Jaime could imagine shaking his hand to seal the contract.

“Alright,” the other student said, and if Jaime wasn’t mistaken, he sounded rather gleeful that Jaime had taken the bait, “I’ll see you there.” And then the line went dead.

Jaime ran a hand through his hair as he hung up the phone with the other. What had he gotten himself into?

The next Houston U track meeting was a week and two days since the fated phone call. Since that night, the mysterious student caller hadn’t rung Jaime’s radio station. It was a power move, and a good one at that. He had put the ball in Jaime’s court (or passed him the baton? That was a track thing, right?), meaning all responsibility was on him. In all honesty, Jaime was tempted to skip out on their ‘deal’. Sure, he’d agreed, but only because Jaime’d thought it was the key to get the student to stop calling. Now that the calls had stopped, Jaime saw no reason to get involved and draw attention back to himself. Maybe if he didn’t go, the annoying student would just leave him alone.

On the other hand, if he didn’t go, wouldn’t that just give the other student more incentive to start calling him again? Not only would Jaime continue to get bashed for his music taste, but then the other student would also be able to expose him as a liar. That was definitely NOT the reputation Jaime wanted to have. He had no choice. He HAD to go to that stupid track meeting.

It didn’t mean he didn’t drag his feet the whole way to the field though. Even with his ticket and getting there five minutes early, it was near impossible to find a seat. Jaime had no idea a sporting event like track would be so popular. What was so special about a bunch of guys running around in a circle?

It took a little shoving and some mumbled “sorry”s and “excuse me”s before Jaime was finally able to plunk down next to a young couple, in one of the only empty seats left. They seemed like nice enough people; the man even tried making small talk with him once Jaime sat down; but Jaime’s shy demeanor prevented the conversation from launching into something deeper.

Once the couple was no longer paying him much attention, Jaime surreptitiously slipped his little pocket notebook out of his jeans and flipped it open to the page where he had noted all of the little clues his mystery caller had given him.

Unfortunately, only some of them were usable in this context. Clues about the other student’s personality and preferences wouldn’t help Jaime identify anyone. Only the clues the track star had given Jaime about his physical appearance would be of use. He was looking for a redheaded, green-eyed, 5’9” Freshman. Should be simple enough.

When Jaime glanced down to where the runners were stretching by the starting blocks, he immediately noticed three boys with red hair. Luckily, this track meet was only a Houston U event and other schools weren’t participating. That meant one of the three was his mysterious caller.

From this distance, Jaime couldn’t judge eye color, and height was difficult to gage. He supposed he would have to wait for the announcers to give the names and grades of the competitors. Hopefully only one of the redheads would be a Freshman, and Jaime could find his culprit.

Within a few minutes, a runner was at the blocks for every lane. The first event was the 100m sprint. Everyone on the team would be participating. Only six could go at a time, and the announcer said that there would be three heats. Unfortunately for Jaime, the announcer didn’t bother with the names of the competitors since everyone was running, but he hoped that at least the winners would be announced, in case his redhead happened to be one of them.

In the first heat, two of the three red-haired boys were lined up at the blocks. Jaime trained his eyes on them. The first boy was in the second lane, and the other in the sixth lane. Hopefully one of the two would win so that Jaime could narrow down his suspects.

When the starting gun fired, all six runners took off like rockets. The pure speed was quite a shock for Jaime to witness. Within fifteen seconds, all six runners crossed the finish line.

“Winner!” The announcer shouted, once first place for the heat had been determined. He held up the arm of one of the redheads Jaime had been watching. “Senior Wally West with a time of 10.8 seconds!”

An elderly couple three seats over from where Jaime was sitting sprang out of their seats cheering. “Yeah, Wally!” shouted the man. His wife was enthusiastically clapping.

When they sat down again, the couple next to Jaime (conveniently sandwiched between him and the cheering couple) turned to face them.

“Wow!” the blond man next to Jaime exclaimed. “That’s his fastest time yet!”

The other blond man laughed (and it was then that Jaime noticed the striking resemblance). “He’s been working hard. Of course, he’s no match for Bart, but just maybe Wally might have a shot at beating him in the 3200m.”

The brunette woman of the younger couple hummed, a smirk resting on her lips. “I don’t know about that one. Our Bart’s got Thawne blood, too. He’s got runners from both sides. Wests... not so much.”

“Mel!” the man next to Jaime gasped, scandalized. “I thought we said no family rivalry at track meets?”

Immediately the brunette woman, Mel, appologized. “Sorry, sorry.”

“That’s right,” the man from the elderly couple interjected. “You have to remember Donny’s got some West blood himself. Iris was a West before she married me.” He slung an arm around the graying red-haired woman sitting beside him.

It was then that Jaime was able to piece it together. The young blond man— Donny— sitting next to him, was the son of the elderly couple— Iris and her husband (unfortunately Jaime didn’t have his name yet). The younger brunette woman— Mel— was Donny’s wife, and one of the runners— Bart— was their son, and the grandson of the elderly couple. Wally— the runner who had just won the first heat was a relative (?) of the two couples.

By the time Jaime was done puzzling out the relations, the next heat of runners was already at the starting blocks. Unfortunately, the other redhead, whom Jaime guessed was Bart, was not in this heat.

The starting gun fired, and the race was over within fifteen seconds again. The winner was announced, and the runners of the third heat took their places.

Jaime’s gaze zeroed in on the redhead in the first lane. That must be Bart. Mel and Donny were balanced on the edges of their seats next to Jaime.

As soon as the gun fired, Bart was nearly a quarter of the way down the lane. He was insanely fast. Jaime wouldn’t be surprised if he hit an Olympic time. His teammates stood no chance.

When he was announced the winner, Jaime had to do a double take at the 9.63 second time blinking on the screen behind him. That was more than a second faster than Wally, who had won the first heat.

“‘Attaboy, Bart!” Donny yelled.

The exclamation caused Bart’s attention to be drawn towards them. He waved proudly at his parents, and then his gaze caught on Jaime. Even from this distance Jaime could see the electric green eyes trained on him. There was no mistaking it now. Even with the other redhead to consider (since Jaime hadn’t heard his name or grade announced yet), he was certain Bart was his mystery caller. There was something in his eyes— a knowing glint— that made Jaime nervous. Could Bart know who he was?

It wasn’t completely impossible. Because he ran the campus radio at night, Jaime had a page on the school website. His name and picture were plastered right along side Cassie and Gar’s. Cassie had the morning shift from 6 am to noon, and Gar’s comedy segment ran from noon to 6 pm, when Jaime started. All Bart had to do was look him up and he would know exactly who Jaime was.

In retrospect, Jaime easily could have done the same to figure out who his annoying caller was. Once he’d received the track team clue, he could have pulled up the roster and narrowed his suspects down. He could have ruled out Wally because he was a Senior, and possibly even the other redhead based on his year. The announcer had said that Bart was a Freshman when he’d announced him as a winner, so Jaime figured he was the most likely of the three to be the caller. He matched all of the physical descriptors.

There were two more sprinting events that followed, each doubling the distance of the previous. After witnessing the 100m event, Jaime wasn’t surprised when Bart came in first for the 200m and 400m. It was honestly impressive. Bart was talented both in the art of running and annoying Jaime over phone calls. Truly difficult feats.

Once the sprinting events were finished, the competitors moved onto the field. Unlike the sprinting events, some members of the team sat out. Jaime noticed only six members of the team were participating. Two for discus, two for shot put and two for javelin. Neither Bart nor Wally was one of the six. The other redhead on the other hand, was lined up at the javelin throwing line.

Jaime paid him little mind. As soon as the announcer introduced him as a Senior, Jaime tuned out completely. Now there was absolutely no doubt whatsoever. Bart was his mystery caller.

While the field events took place, Jaime watched Bart stretching out on the side of the track. He was surprisingly limber. And Jaime had nothing to blame but the part of his mind attracted to men when he watched Bart bend over in his running shorts to stretch out his hamstrings. He had really nice legs, among... other things.

Jaime shook his head. He shouldn’t be thinking things like that. He’d come here to put Bart in his place because of the annoying phone calls. Not admire his amazing calves.

When the field events were over, some members of the team moved back onto the track for the hurdle events. Again, Bart was not amongst them.

“He doesn’t do hurdles either?” Jaime accidentally mused aloud.

Donny turned to look at him. “First track meeting?” he asked, kindly.

Jaime felt a blush crop up on his cheeks. He hadn’t meant for his comment to be out loud.

“Yeah,” he admitted, despite his embarrassment.

Donny gave him a smile. “They each only do one event plus the sprints. You’ve got the three field events, hurdles, and long distance.”

“Oh.” Jaime nodded to show he understood.

Donny outstretched his hand. “I’m Don.”

Jaime shook Bart’s father’s hand. “Jaime,” he returned.

When Don took his hand back, he used it to point to his wife. “This is my wife, Meloni.”

The brunette woman waved at him.

“And my parents, Barry and Iris.” He gestured at each member of the older couple as well.

Jaime ducked his head shyly. “Nice to meet you all.”

The pop of the starting gun drew their attention back to the track where the hurdlers had just taken off from the blocks. Jaime watched on in interest, amazed at the skill that had been displayed today. He’d never imagined a track meet being this entertaining.

After a few moments, Don turned back to him. “Who’re you here for?” He pointed down at the track members surrounding the edge of the rubberized circle, cheering on their participating teammates.

Jaime felt that blush bloom on his cheeks again. Should he be honest? He was sitting right next to Bart’s parents. What if they started asking questions he didn’t have the answers to?

“Uh, I-I’m here for Bart.” He didn’t really have any other options. He didn’t know the names of any of the other track members.

Donny’s green eyes suddenly lit up. “Bart didn’t tell us his boyfriend was coming! It’s quite a coincidence we ended up sitting next to one another!”

Jaime gave a hard blink, processing the sentences that had just exited the blond man’s mouth. “Uh, we’re not-”

Meloni cut him off. “Oh! You’re the one who runs the campus radio! I knew your name sounded familiar. Bart talks about you all the time!”

The first thought that went through Jaime’s mind was, ‘Does he now?’. There was no mistaking it. Bart was 100 percent the annoying student who called into his radio segment each night. And Bart knew who he was. As soon as this track meeting was over, Jaime was definitely going to have some words with him.

“It’s so nice to finally get to meet you!”

Jaime didn’t know whether he should burst their bubble. Don and Meloni seemed like genuinely good people, and they were happy for their son having seemingly found a relationship. Although their assumptions weren’t true, Jaime knew he would feel extremely bad telling them otherwise.

Luckily, there wasn’t much time for him to dwell on the subject. As soon as the winners for the hurdling events were determined, the obstacles were cleared off the track and the next set of runners were lining up at the starting blocks. Two heads of red hair immediately caught Jaime’s attention. Bart and Wally were lining up in lanes one and two, while a few more of their track mates joined them in the other lanes.

“Who do you think it’ll be this time?” Barry posed the question aloud.

“I think Bart’s got a running shot.”

Everyone groaned at Don’s poor-quality joke.

“I apologize on my husband’s behalf,” Meloni mostly addressed Jaime, “What he meant was that Bart’s been working on his pacing. He’s the fastest on the team, and has always taken first in all of the sprinting events, but Wally always gives him some good competition for the long distance stuff.”

Jaime nodded thoughtfully. Bart had definitely been fast; no doubt about that. But he was curious to see how he would do in an event that required more endurance. Apparently he would actually have some competition this time, unlike in the sprinting events where Bart had left all of his teammates in the dust.

When the starting gun fired, Jaime found himself actually holding his breath. This first distance was 1500m, just shy of a mile. Jaime could remember having to do the one mile run in P.E. back in high school and how much of a pain it had been. The best time Jaime had ever gotten was just over six minutes.

For the first lap or so, Wally and Bart were neck and neck. The rest of their teammates were about half a lap behind. Then, when they went into the second lap, Bart kicked it up a notch, pulling ahead. Wally kept his own even pace, a schooled look of determination set over his features, while Bart’s lips transformed into a confident smirk.

By the final lap, Bart and Wally were shoulder to shoulder again. It was clear that Wally had the superior skill when it came to pacing, as he had been able to keep the same speed the whole time, whereas Bart’s speed had varied in spurts, depending on his level of endurance. It was unclear which one of them was going to win.

When Jaime looked around at the stands, he could see fans eagerly debating which one of the redheads they thought was going to win. The general consensus seemed to be Wally, but Jaime had a feeling his High School Musical-song-loving caller had a trick up his sleeve.

When they reached the last 100m or so of the race, the stadium burst into cheering, each person of the audience shouting encouragement to their respective runner. Against all odds, and to the surprise of many, Bart burst into a full out sprint, easily overtaking Wally, and crossing the finish line with an enthusiastic whoop.

Jaime was absolutely shocked to say the least. After running three laps, how had Bart found the energy for that last burst of speed?

A time of 4.02 minutes flashed on the screen behind them as the announcer proclaimed Bart the winner. Meloni and Don broke into cheers beside Jaime, and Barry and Iris clapped as well to show their support. Even Jaime found a small smile working it’s way onto his lips as he clapped, in awe of the impressive speed Bart had just displayed.

There was a few minutes between events while the results of the race were recorded and the next set of runners lined up at the starting blocks. Again, both Bart and Wally were among the competitors. This time, the distance was more than double what they had just run at 3200m. Jaime was curious to see how Bart would hold up against the longer distance.

When the starting gun fired, all of the runners took off as a group, rather than Bart and Wally distinguishing themselves from the pack right away. With eight laps to go, Jaime supposed it made sense. No point in going all out during the first half of the race, only to burn out when it really mattered. Bart and Wally would probably wait until the final few laps to burst ahead of their teammates.

Around and around the track they went, keeping pace with one another until the sixth lap. As soon as they passed the starting line, all of the runners kicked it up a notch, and gaps between the competitors became more noticeable. As expected, Wally and Bart pulled ahead of everyone else, and chatter broke out amongst the crowd about which redhead it would be this time.

Barry and Iris seemed to have their money on their nephew (Jaime had finally pieced it together when Barry made the comment about Iris being a West before marriage), whereas Don and Meloni, being the proud parents they were, were betting on their son to come out on top. Jaime couldn’t help being biased, and was also rooting for Bart. After all, he was the whole reason Jaime was at this track meet to begin with.

Bart was giving his all. Halfway into the last lap, he was ahead of Wally by a few steps. It seemed like he had the win in the bag. Then out of nowhere, Wally pulled the same stunt Bart had last time.

Jaime could see Bart do a double take when his cousin passed him, but there was nothing he could do. Bart’s strength was his speed; not endurance. He was only able to give about 80 percent, whereas Wally had paced himself better, and could pour 100 percent of his speed into the last leg of the race.

While Jaime was disappointed to see Bart take second, he was still impressed overall. Wally had beat Bart by two seconds, but Bart had beat the rest of his team by nearly ten seconds, meaning he and Wally had had quite an impressive lead.

Barry, Iris, Don and Meloni were engaged in a chat about the outcome of the latest race, but Jaime found his eyes glued to his not-so-mysterious (anymore) caller. Despite losing the last event, Bart seemed to be a good sport. He and Wally were standing on the sidelines, getting a quick drink and catching their breaths before the final event was set to start. Between gulps of water, Jaime could see the cousins teasing one another, egging each other on, and hyping one another up for the competition of the next race.

When they were called over to the track for the last event, Bart elbowed Wally in the ribs with a cocky smirk on his face, and Wally retaliated by pulling the smaller man into a headlock to ruffle his hair. Jaime didn’t quite know what to make of it, other than that Bart seemed to have a cocky, playful personality. It explained why he had been so adamant about playing the stupid identity game he had roped Jaime into over the phone during his radio segments each night.

The last distance was 5000m, or approximately 12 laps. Just thinking about that much running made Jaime want to cry. Needless to say, he wasn’t a huge fan of running. Other sports, sure, but running was not something Jaime enjoyed for himself. He would have to give massive kudos to Bart for having enough dedication to running to put himself through the 12 lap race.

Again, all of the runners stayed in a pack for the majority of the race. By about lap eight, it was clear who the real endurance runners were. The six competitors had spread out, a few feet behind one another, with Wally leading. There was a black-haired guy on his heels, and following behind him were Bart and another black-haired runner, a little shorter than the man in front of him. Two more runners were taking up the rear.

Laps nine, ten and eleven passed without much change. It wasn’t until they got into the final lap that Bart mustered the energy to pull ahead of his two black-haired teammates and take up the trail behind his cousin.

Wally’s winning time of fourteen minutes and two seconds flashed up on the scoreboard, followed by Bart’s time of 14.08. Jaime almost had to do a double take. When he calculated the math, it meant Bart had averaged a time of approximately a minute and eleven seconds per lap, and Wally had been faster still!

While the judges and officials were confirming the results of all of the events that had taken place, the stadium around Jaime burst to life as audience members began to make their exit down to the track to meet with and congratulate the athletes they had come to support. Beside him, Don, Meloni, Barry and Iris stood from their seats and gathered up their belongings, preparing to go congratulate Bart and Wally on their wins in today’s events.

“You should come with us, Jaime,” Meloni suggested when Jaime didn’t stand up with the rest of them.

Immediately, a stone sank in the college student’s stomach. What would Bart think if he saw Jaime with his parents? He and Bart hadn’t even met yet. How would Jaime be able to explain if Bart’s parents brought up the boyfriend issue?

Reluctantly, Jaime got up to follow the two couples down to the track. He was sweat-dropping. He really hoped Bart’s parents wouldn’t make things awkward.

As soon as he was in range, Don slung an arm around his son’s shoulders, congratulating him on his multiple wins. Meloni also smothered Bart in a hug when she got her opportunity, cooing over how well he had done. Beside them, Barry and Iris were doing much of the same to their nephew, expressing their awe of Wally’s endurance in the long-distance events. Meanwhile, Jaime stood awkwardly by, waiting for a chance to hopefully have a chat with his not-so-mysterious caller.

When the Allens finally separated from their son, Jaime locked eyes with Bart. There was a glint in those green irises that Jaime couldn’t place. It wasn’t good or bad per say; Jaime could only describe it as making him feel on edge, ready to tip one way or the other.

As soon as Meloni noticed the stare between the two boys, she immediately turned on Bart, much to Jaime’s horror.

“Bart! Why haven’t you introduced us to your boyfriend? He’s such a handsome young man.” She used an insistant hand to push Jaime forward, so much so that he almost stumbled and fell into the chest of his supposed “boyfriend”. Luckily, Bart’s hands came up and caught him by the biceps before that could happen.

Both his and Bart’s eyes widened. Pink burned hot on each of their cheeks. Jaime took a quick step back. He felt like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

“Well?” Don goaded. “Don’t be shy! I’m glad to see my son’s finally been able to put the Allen-family charm to use! How long have you two been together?”

Jaime could feel the color in his cheeks getting darker by the second. Bart was still giving him this weird look, as if it weren’t his parents who had instigated this whole conversation in the first place. The prolonged awkward eye contact was making Jaime uneasy, and he was tempted to just speak up and shut down Bart’s parent’s idea about him and their son being in a relationship, but before he had the chance, Bart was clearing his throat to speak.

The track star raised a hand to the back of his neck, and Jaime had to do a double-take at the innocent “embarrassed” façade he was now putting on. “Well,” he said, playing bashful, “Guess the cat’s out of the bag, Babe.”

Jaime’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates upon hearing the pet name. Bart was just going to go along with this?!

Without preamble, the redhead slung his arm around Jaime’s shoulders, crushing him into his side in a display of “affection” for his parents’ benefit. “Jaime’s a little shy,” Bart said, when Jaime failed to fill in the silence. “He wanted to keep our relationship a secret. I’m actually a little surprised he came to the track meet today.”

Bart subtly bumped Jaime’s hip with his own, which was a cue for him to talk. It took a moment for the raven-haired boy to scramble for a response. He would play along... for now.

“I had to see if you were as good as you were making yourself out to be,” Jaime had noticed Bart’s encoded message; he hadn’t expected Jaime to take his phone call seriously and show up. Jaime was giving his own back in return (I had to discover who the annoying caller was).

Bart chuckled. “Would I ever lie to you?”

Jaime had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Now the guy was just laying it on thick.

“Of course not, Chiquito.” The pet name came out from behind clenched teeth.

Luckily, Mel and Donny seemed to buy their act. When it was clear they were in the clear, Bart asked, “Mom, Dad, is it okay if I have a few minutes alone with my boyfriend?”

Meloni and Don shared a look before Don said, “Okay. But no hankey-pankey behind the bleachers!” He waved a finger at them, teasing smile in place over his lips.

Jaime felt himself going pink. “Of course not, Sir,” he managed to get out, in spite of how mixed up this situation had gotten.

Bart grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him a little ways down the track so that they were out of Meloni and Don’s hearing range. As soon as he had the opportunity, Jaime whirled on him.

“What the hell was that back there, ese?” Jaime hissed.

Bart shrugged. “They bought it, didn’t they?”

Jaime felt his eyes narrow into a glare. “Why didn’t you correct them?”

Bart did another shrug, this time with a knowing expression on his face. “It’s not like you said anything either.”

Jaime’s glare fell apart under the truthful accusation. It was his fault for not immediately shutting down the idea when Don had first brought it up to him in the stands.

Bart placed his hands on his hips and began rocking back and forth from the balls of his feet to his heels. “In all honesty, I’m actually surprised you showed up.”

Jaime emulated Bart’s pose, resting a fist against his hip and gesturing with the other. “Well, I couldn’t risk you calling back during my segment tonight and accusing me of being a liar in front of my entire audience, now could I?”

Bart tilted his head in such a way that Jaime had to repress the thought of ‘Oh, that’s cute,’ before it accidentally slipped out of his mouth.

A faint pink blush rose to Bart’s cheeks. “I guess I did kind of back you into a corner, didn’t I?” He raised a hand to the back of his neck, and it was the moment that Jaime realized Bart was genuinely sorry for having done so. While he may have wanted Jaime to show up today, it was clear now that he wouldn’t have used Jaime’s absence as blackmail against him if he had decided not to show.

Not wanting Bart to feel guilty, Jaime shrugged it off. “No es gran cosa.”

A smile worked its way onto Bart’s mouth. “I have no idea what that means, but I’m guessing by the look on your face, you’re not actually all that bothered by it.”

Jaime sighed. “Well, besides inviting me here so I can tell you how much I hate granting your High School Musical requests every night, what exactly is the reason?”

Bart scoffed. “I can’t believe you had the audacity to say that to my face!” He was trying to deliver the line seriously, but the smile on his lips told Jaime that he wasn’t actually offended.

Jaime shrugged, a small smirk working its way onto his own lips. “What can I say? Disney Channel movies are cheesy, and their sound tracks are even worse.”

Bart chuckled. “Your music is too depressing. You need something more upbeat. Less lyrics about death, sad childhoods, and oppression. ‘We’re All in this Together’, right ah-me-go?”

Jaime cringed, both at Bart’s pronunciation and at the stereotypes. His music was more complex than what Bart was making it out to be. Besides, Jaime wasn’t here to argue anyway. Bart had invited him to this track meeting with ulterior motives, and Jaime was determined to figure out what they were.

“Not all of my music is depressing,” Jaime countered. “Besides, you ignored my question. Surely you had some kind of motive in inviting me here besides to just discuss your terrible music taste. I want to know what it is.” Jaime raised both eyebrows.

An unexpected pink blush rose to Bart’s cheeks, covering up the freckles sprayed like paint across his Caucasian skin. “I wanted you to notice me.” Jaime nearly missed the words, for they came out of Bart’s mouth in a whisper.

“You wanted me to notice you?” He repeated the statement, hoping for a bit of an explanation.

Bart’s blush deepened, skin in competition with his hair for reddest feature. His green eyes were piercing the ground, seemingly in an effort to burn a hole big enough to burry himself in to avoid such embarrassment. His fingers twisted harshly against one another. His whole aura had changed from the confident runner he had been on the track to nervous schoolboy.

“We’re in the same physics class.” Bart’s sneaker kicked up a puff of dirt as he ground his toe into the sand.

Jaime blinked. He’d never seen anyone like Bart in his physics class. Was he that non-observant that he had missed him?

“I-I usually sit behind you.” It sounded like Bart was struggling to admit something difficult. Usually Jaime was the shyer one in conversations, so he completely understood what it felt like having to lead a difficult conversation. But he wanted to get to the bottom of this. Bart was on the edge of a confession, and Jaime had to know what it was.

“I noticed how a-attractive—” Bart’s blush deepened yet again— “you were pretty much as soon as I laid eyes on you. I-I wanted to get to know you better, so I asked around a little. Turns out Cassie’s a mutual friend of ours. She told me a little bit about you, from working with you at the radio station, and I did a little bit of research on my own. I looked you up on the school website. I started calling in to your station. I kept asking Cassie if she could find out more about you for me. Your favorite color, food, movie... Any hobbies, or things you like. I started piecing together this picture of you in my mind, using our conversations on the phone to confirm or deny my theories about you. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was desperate for you to notice me, so I started dropping hints on the phone, hoping you would take an interest. But you didn’t. And I-I can understand if-if you don’t feel the same way but IthinkIaccidentlyfellinlovewithyou.”

Jaime blinked hard. “¿Qué?” That last bit had left Bart’s mouth in an unintelligible jumble of sounds. Had Bart just admitted he was in love with him?

When Jaime snapped out of his confusion and looked back at Bart, he saw that the track star was struggling to hold back tears. A salty droplet fell from his chin and landed on the ground between them, creating a dark spot in the dirt. His shoulders were trembling with the effort to not let out a cry.

Guilt settled hard in Jaime’s stomach, like a boulder being dropped into a lake. The aftershocks were still rippling through his system. The pieces were slowly coming together.

Bart was in love with him, and wanted the feeling to be mutual. He had called in to Jaime’s radio station, hoping that he could get Jaime to take an interest in him. He wanted Jaime to pursue him, that way he would know for sure that Jaime felt the same way. And Jaime had taken an interest; he’d just done a poor job at showing it.

Hesitantly, Jaime reached a hand forward in an effort to get Bart to look up at him. “Por favor, no llores. Lo siento, I-”

Bart took a step back, angrily wiping his tears away with his fists. “No. I-it’s stupid. I built this idea of you up in my head, and it’s probably not who you are at all. I was just desperate and wanted you to like me back. And I know that me calling you every night was probably annoying and that you probably aren’t even into guys-”

Jaime surged forward, grabbing onto the other boy’s bicep with one hand and cupping his cheek with the other, and did something that surprised himself probably even more than it surprised Bart.

Bart froze, teary eyes wide in shock as Jaime’s lips smashed against his own. He was too surprised to react.

As soon as Jaime realized what he had done, he pulled back, blushing madly. Despite his embarrassment however, he couldn’t help the truth that fell from his lips.

“I am.” When Bart still looked confused, Jaime rushed to clarify. “Into guys. Into... you. I’m bisexual.” He raised a hand to nervously rub at the short raven hairs along the back of his neck, chuckling awkwardly.

Bart seemed to snap out of his stupor. “You’re into me? I didn’t think you were interested. I thought you only came today because I was blackmailing you.”

Jaime’s awkward laugh turned amused. “If you think I showed up today because of your so-called ‘blackmail’, you need a new definition for the word.” He moved his hand from his neck, slipping it into his pocket to pull out his notebook. Jaime flipped it to the page where he had taken down all of the little clues Bart had given to him over the phone and turned the book around to show it to the track star. Bart’s green eyes widened slowly as he read over all of Jaime’s scrupulously written notes.

“I wrote down everything you told me about yourself.”

Bart’s gaze slowly ascended from the page, an awed look in his eyes. Hastily, Jaime closed the notebook and placed it back in his pocket. He shifted his weight from foot to foot in consideration before finally saying, “I’d like a chance to get to know you. I want to give us—” Jaime used a finger to gesture between himself and Bart— “a chance. If that’s... crash?” He tested out the word he’d heard Bart use during a few of their phone calls.

The redhead’s face lit up like a child’s after receiving a piece of candy. “Yeah! That’s totally crash! When are you free?”

“Uh-” Jaime pulled out his phone to check his calendar, and nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder.

“Time to get this show on the road, Kiddos.” When Jaime looked up to see who the hand belonged to, he saw Bart’s father standing between them, his other hand grasping onto his son’s shoulder. “Who knows what you two would get up to if Mel and I left you alone any longer.” Don playfully shook his head, before turning the eyes Bart had inherited from him on his son. “Your mother and I were college sweethearts, too. We know what kind of things kids your age get up to.”

Both Bart and Jaime blushed at the implications.

“Dad!” Bart groaned in embarrassment.

Don chuckled, as if it were all in a day’s work embarrassing his son. He turned to Jaime. “We usually go out as a family after track meets to celebrate. Everyone’ll be there. It’s a good opportunity for Bart to introduce you to the family. If you’re up for going, Jaime?”

The raven-haired student shared a look with his boyfriend? friend? person-he-thought-was-very-attractive-but-wanted-to-get-to-know-a-little-better-before-dating? Bart shrugged.

Jaime felt put on the spot. He and Bart had just discussed the possibility of beginning a relationship, and now he was supposed to meet the ‘rents? Not that he hadn’t already, but that was beside the point. Going out for a meal with Bart’s parents, grandparents, cousin and who-knows-who-else, and having to pretend that he’s madly in love with someone he was just meeting for the first time today? This had the potential to kill any chances he and Bart had at actually beginning a real relationship.

“I’m sorry, I already have plans,” was what Jaime wanted to say. Instead, he said, “Sure. I’d love to get to meet your family, Cariño.”

“Good evening, Tigers! You’re listening to Houston U’s nightly segment. I’m your host, Jaime Reyes-”

“-and his amazing boyfriend, Bart Allen-”

Jaime had to stifle an ‘oomph!’ as his boyfriend of three glorious months slung an arm around his neck and plopped down on his lap, leaning in close to the microphone so that he could be heard, too.

“-Next up we have ‘Flourescent Adolescence’ by Arctic Monkeys-”

“-And after that, ‘I Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You’ from High School Musical!” Bart slammed a finger into the ‘play’ button, starting the next song in the queue, before swinging his leg around so he could straddle Jaime’s lap and drag him into a kiss.

When they pulled apart, Jaime had a pout on his lips. “Who let you in here?” Bart wasn’t supposed to be in the studio, especially when Jaime was live on the air.

The younger smirked deviously. “Cassie might have loned me her key so that I could pay my boyfriend a visit while he was working...”

Jaime shook his head. “Of course she did.”

Bart booped his nose with a fingertip. “Don’t act so put out. You know you looooove me.”

Jaime shook his head, trying to keep a poker face. “Nope. You just tainted my reputation by saying that we’re gonna play High School Musical songs voluntarily. How could I love someone who would pull such a slanderous act against me?”

Bart poked his nose again. “You looooove me.”

Jaime shook his head. His lips threatened to quirk up into a smile. His poker face was cracking. “Nope.”

Bart hovered his lips dangerously close to Jaime’s own. “Admit it, Babe. You love me more than anyone in the world.”

Jaime’s mask crumbled. “Yeah,” he finally admitted. “Te amo con todo mi corazón.” He pulled Bart that little inch forward to kiss him again.

Unfortunately the phone cut their loving moment shorter than either boy wanted. Jaime picked it up.

“Hello, fellow Tiger! You’re on-air with Houston U’s nightly segment. Care to introduce yourself to all the listeners out there?”

“Yeah, Jaime, it’s Gar. I’m glad to hear that you finally found yourself a good partner, but next time you might want to make sure your mic is off before making any declarations of love while you’re live.”

Crimson bloomed to life across the entirety of his face while Gar hung up on the other end of the line. Immediately, the radio host leaned forward and flicked off the switch to his microphone. Jaime buried his face in his hands.

“I hate you!” He directed at Bart in an embarrassed moan.

Bart chuckled. “Nah. You looooove me.”

Here it finally is @purple--waffles! I’m so sorry it took me so long! I’ve been slowly working on it since the day your request arrived in my asks. Life is crazy, and I haven’t had a whole lot of time to write recently, but I really wanted to finish this for you. My mind ran with the prompt, and even though it took me awhile, hopefully the length makes up for it??? Maybe? Anyways, I hope you enjoy it!

[woodrokiro]

Do It For the Band, Part Four

Fandom: Bleach

Pairing: IchiRuki

Summary: When Tatsuki said she wanted their sophomore album to be the next Rumours, this is NOT what she meant. Band AU. Read Part One, Two, and Three. 

Rukia’s sure they’re not crossing any lines.

… Pretty sure.

She’s never been in a band like this before--or, well. A band, period. And from the movies she’s watched, the musician biographies she’s read and the behind-the-album documentaries she’s seen she imagines her group’s closeness is normal. Grabbing a tea and writing in a coffee shop with Chad, meeting up with Tatsuki at bars and picking out cute girls the drummer might like--these sort of things are normal. They’re her friends, after all. 

And she doesn’t do much different with Ichigo. It just… Feels different.

Especially when they start spending time together after recording sessions.  

They don’t even do anything, really. Mostly just put on a record at Ichigo’s place and talk about their favorite albums. Sometimes they’ll watch a movie together: Rukia on one far end of his tattered, second-hand couch, curled into the arm while Ichigo tries to scrounge something up for dinner in the kitchen behind her. 

And… Okay, she’s fallen asleep there. A couple times. But in a completely platonic way. She’ll wake up on his couch with a blanket over her, and Ichigo will walk in and nag at her for sinking the cushions of his couch and she’ll groggily snap back that maybe he should get a new couch then--

She’s stayed late there so often that Ichigo bought her a toothbrush to keep in the bathroom (“I can smell your morning breath all the way from the bedroom”), but it’s fine because it is! So! Platonic!!!

They’re friends. They’re friends. 

She’s (pretty) sure of it. 

It’s the end of the recording sessions when they go to her place because she had forgotten the champagne she meant to bring for celebrating their last day. The recording studio happened to be only a few blocks away, but he insisted on walking back with her to grab them. 

(“Shut up and let me be a gentleman” he had grumbled, and Rukia tries to ignore Tatsuki’s stare piercing them both). 

They had just finished climbing the six stories in her apartment building when she spies the roses at her door. 

He scoffs. “Who are those from? Yourself?” 

She rolls her eyes, picking up the flowers to read the card attached. “Good one, idiot. No. My brother.” 

“Byakuya? What the hell does he want?” 

She’s surprised he remembers his name; then again, she supposes she’s mentioned him in passing enough times. 

It’s funny: the little details they know about each other by now. 

“Don’t talk about him so crudely. I told him about the album awhile ago.”

“Yeah, and you said he never responded.” He waits respectfully in the hallway as she unlocks her door. She immediately starts shuffling through her studio in an attempt to find a vase. “I don’t get why you still talk to him. The guy kicks you out of the house, takes away your allowance you depend on--just because he doesn’t want you to do music? The thing he arranged for you to have lessons for in the first place?”

“You’re oversimplifying it.” She rummages through her cupboards. “He wanted me to go to college for a career--I told him I didn’t want to. I said I wanted to be a musician. He said that was fine, I was a young woman who could make her own decisions… And as such, I’d need to do it on my own. I agreed. I don’t want anybody’s money, and he’s helped me enough as it is.”

“... He should still support you--”

“He does. In his own way.” Her eyes light up at what she’s been looking for: the glass beaker for a French press that broke on her a couple weeks ago. She lifts it with one hand and the roses in the other, a silent question toward him. At Ichigo’s shrug/nod combo, she starts filling the beaker with tap water. “Maybe he doesn’t vocally support it. The creative life is scary. You know that. Technically you wouldn’t want your sisters as starving musicians either, right? But a couple months before I met up with you guys, I was behind on my rent. One day, right before I was sure I was going to get kicked out: my landlord says it was all paid for. Just like that. And I’ve sworn every day, up and down, that my brother’s never going to need to do that for me ever again.”

“He should want to do that for you.”

“I think he does. But I want to make my own way, and he knows that. These flowers are more than kind.” She steps back and assesses her flower arrangement in the beaker, nodding once. Good enough. 

He’s uncharacteristically quiet as she grabs the two bottles from her fridge and returns back to the hallway. She’s attempting to lock her front door with the bottles in one arm and keys in the other when he snorts, tapping her wine-carrying arm.

“Here, I’ll take ‘em.” Begrudgingly, she hands them over. “You try to do too much by yourself.” 

“Yes, because I have to.” She focuses her attention back on the lock (the door could be rather tricky) when she feels him nudge her arm again. 

“No. You really don’t.” She looks back and up at him and suddenly for the first time they feel very, very close. “Look I don’t--the fact that your brother doesn’t know what a fucking phenominal talent you have astounds me. But you have people now. You have me.”

Time completely stops as they stare at each other. Rukia feels frozen in place--but Ichigo is… Well. He looks like he’s only sort of embarrassed at own sentiment, judging from the faint blush on his cheeks--but mostly he seems sure of himself, confident and fearless and golden.

That is Ichigo, she realizes. She’s really never met anyone like him. 

She’ll never know what either of them were about to do when suddenly her neighbor’s door swings open behind him. 

The sound jolts them both, and her elderly neighbor smiles apologetically. She waves, and when she looks back at him Ichigo is looking down at his shoes, clearing his throat. 

“Hurry up ‘n lock the door. The others are waiting for us--especially Tatsuki. You know how stoked she was when you told her about the champagne.” 

Rukia nods and tries to shake the odd feeling that an opportunity was just missed. 

---

They’re getting a tour.

Tatsuki is in euphorics. They’re getting a fucking tour. 

Urahara says they’re starting small--mostly because the label wants to test the waters on them. Just four cities, fronting for a rock band called Espada. They’re all kind of douchey assholes but it doesn’t even matter. She knows her band is better, and in just a few years they’ll be begging to front for Karakura Soul Society. 

 Still, even though it’s a small tour Tatsuki manages to sweet talk Urahara into hiring her good friend as their stage manager. “We need somebody to keep us organized back there. Help us sound check and everything, you know? And frankly, Urahara… You’re a mess.”

… It becomes clear to the team within the first ten minutes of her employment that Orihime Inoue is also, as it happens, a disaster--but she’s bubbly and ambitious and works hard and Tatsuki may be not-so-secretly in love with her so of course everyone loves her immediately, too.

Once they’re on the road, the whole tour itself is kind of a blur. Their first city is… Decent. They sound great, but there’s some tech issues that Orihime apologizes profusely for. Grimmjow, the lead singer of Espada says something snide about “fucking yuppies” and Ichigo and Tatsuki both have to be held back from absolutely pulvarizing the cocky motherfucker--but yeah it’s decent.

 At least, Urahara points out, it adds a bit of a competitive edge between the two bands. 

He’s right. The next couple cities they absolutely kill it.

With Chad’s shredding it on his base and Tatsuki  feeling like a God at her drums--the two of them alone would be something to contend with. 

But combined with Ichigo and Rukia…

Tatsuki doesn’t know what’s going on between them, and frankly: she doesn’t care anymore. She’s decided it’s none of her business whether her best friend is getting his brains screwed out or if they really are “just friends,” as Rukia insists. 

What matters is what’s going right here, right in the performance.

As usual, they are so in sync with each other it’s scary--but now, there’s emotion too. There’s an electric energy when they sing the chorus to Fullbringer, a deep melancholy when they harmonize on Masaki. The band is only able to perform about five of their songs, but they’ve arranged the order so the audience gets to go through a journey--and it all ends on Sun and Moon.

It’s easily their best crowd pleaser, and for good reason. 

It sounds cheesy, but there is such an upbeat joy to the song that even scowl-loving Ichigo grins during its entirety, and Rukia--always so poised--bounces at her keyboard, bopping her head to the beat. The bridge is absolutely wild, and the whole thing moves so fast that Tatsuki is going harder at her drums than she ever has. It was a bitch to practice, but man. Man does it it fucking end a show. 

At the end of Espada’s last show, the crowd demands an encore… From their front band. 

“Eat shit,” Grimmjow hisses as they unexpectedly make their way back to the stage, and Tatsuki knows for an asshole like him to be this pissed: it’s a compliment.

---

They’re feeling so pumped about the whole tour that at the end of that encore, even Chad agrees to go out to a nearby pub to celebrate.

The group is on Cloud 9 as they float into the semi-crowded bar, and Tatsuki feels even more of a high when some of the patrons--fresh from the show--cheer as they enter. A guy orders the band shots, and from that point on things get… Uh. Kind of blurry.

Chad does manage to escape early, but not before she challenges him to a game of who can drink a pint faster. Orihime glows next to her as she sips her own fruity cocktail, cheering Tatsuki on in a way that makes her feel powerful even when she loses. Occasionally she catches her friend glancing over at Ichigo with a soft smile that Tatsuki… Doesn’t really want to notice right now. She’s having such a good time, so for what?

 Urahara floats, chuckling behind his fan about this and that--leading to a brief debate between Ichigo and Tatsuki whether he’s high, drunk, or both. Rukia pops up out of nowhere, offering a convincing argument of: neither. Urahara is just fucking batshit. 

Ichigo and Tatsuki stare at the unexpected profanity.

“What?” Rukia’s face is flushed, and she tries (unsuccessfully) to look like she has the decency to be embarrassed. Suddenly, she grins toothily, grabbing Ichigo’s hand and dragging him to the bar corner’s jukebox. “C’mon, idiot. You’re helping me pick out a song.” 

Tatsuki doesn’t pay much more attention to the two after that--she’s too busy getting another drink, getting Orihime another drink, seeing if she can get Urahara to confess he’s committed at least one felony in his lifetime, and if so which one--but she happens to overhear their conversation at one point when they’re getting drinks.

“... Swift is a stellar songwriter, Kurosaki. I’m telling you--”

“Come oooooon--”

“No, you--you come on, Ichigo. Ichigo Kurosaki.” Rukia pokes her finger at Ichigo’s chest, and Tatsuki sees him failing to hide a smile. “She had a… Taylor has iffy periods, of course she does. But have you… Have you even listened to the lyrics of Blank Space?

“Whassat?” 

“You’ve heard that song, don’t you--don’t you even start--”

Tatsuki rolls her eyes and takes her leave. Listening to drunk straight people flirt is excruciating. 

Still: whether it’s from the warm buzz of alcohol or the general high of the good night or her just loving her friends… She’s happy for them. 

When she leaves, Blank Space is blaring from the jukebox. She looks back to see Rukia and Ichigo intimately close. Rukia is beaming up at him, shouting over the music that she can only imagine is the song lyrics. Ichigo’s body is curved toward her, watching and bobbing his head with a soft smile. 

Good for them, Tatsuki thinks dreamily before immediately finding a dumpster to throw up in. 

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

I'm obsessed with the famous singer with Calum universe and imagine your about to realease your first album and you ask them to come into the studio and listen to it and they all just give there genuine opinion on it while your head is on Calum's shoulder and your just break all the songs down for them and what they mean to you. But what if it was like Clairo's album bc that shit just SLAPS ok gn

Thanks for the suggestion! I tweaked it just a little bit. I hope you enjoy. 

Here are parts one, two, three, four, five and six. This is the Distance series on my masterlist!

If you have any other suggestions for this series, please send them to me! I’ll use as many as I can while still progressing this story along!

_______________________________

The flight is no doubt long for Calum and he sleeps like a log on her couch, cuddled up with her dog. He’ll admit to missing Duke, but it’s nice to have another furry body around to curl up with. She manages to him wake up for food. Watching him sit at her tiny dining room table, with his eyes constantly blinking from sleep lingering, she can barely keep a grip on his plate. She wants to hate what Calum is doing to her. But for a fleeting moment she lets herself linger on the thought that maybe she can have this one day. As the plate settles with a soft thud, Calum smiles up at her. “Thanks,” he says, voice thick and deeper than normal. Her spine shivers, toes curling. It’s not like she hasn’t experienced this before while she stayed with him. But this--this just feels different between them now.  

“No problem. I still can’t believe you just hopped onto a plan for me? That’s so insane.”

“Of course. I just wanted to help. I’d do it again too if I had to.” 

“I have to go into the studio the rest of the week. I’m sorry about that.”

Calum takes her hand, across the coffee table, fingers gently grazing her skin. “You say that like I don’t understand.” They laugh, gently only cut across by the sound of her dog’s paw across her hardwood floors. “You gotta work. I’m just here to help out.”

The jetlag isn't as major as Calum thought it would be. It helps that he managed to sleep on the flight and his nap definitely aided. Her apartment is unmistakably small, but it’s cozy with the hanging plants and the sunlight that she lets come even once the sun has settled and night has fallen thickly over the city. “Only one bed, but if it makes you uncomfortable, we can figure something out. I can take the couch.”

Calum, throwing an arm over her shoulders and pressing a kiss to her temple, steps through the threshold of her bedroom door, keeping her in toe. “You are not sleeping on your own couch. If anything, I would. But I’m comfortable sharing a bed if you are.”

She nods. “I’m okay with that.” 

And she is, but she can’t help her heart from fluttering when Calum returns from his shower, no shirt and just sleeping shorts. She peels back her covers, patting the empty space next to her. When he settles, albeit with a lump in his throat, he turns onto his stomach, clutching the pillows into his arms. “This is the point where we tell each other ghost stories,” he teases. He’s hoping his laughter doesn’t shake. He hopes she can’t detect how his body is shivering as the scent of her detergent and the mixture of hair products and lotions climbs into his nostrils. 

She slips down under her covers, the lights in the room clicking off as she finds the switch for the bedside lamp. “I don’t have many of those. Generally, I try not to mess with ghosts.”

“Understandable.”

Turning onto her side, she goes to reach out and hesitates. She can’t believe it. He’s really here, across the globe for her. “I’m pretty sure you might be a ghost right now.”

Calum shakes his head. “Nope, I’m very much real.” He reaches out and takes her hand. He noticed it, how she retreated. Their fingers glide over, before she threads her fingers. He tugs her hand close and kisses over each of her knuckles. “I’m very much real,” he whispers into her skin. 

Her morning routine starts earlier than usual, but only by a half an hour, as a phone goes off at 5:55 in the morning. “Fuck, sorry,” Calum straightens up, reaching across her to turn off his phone alarm. “I’m sorry.”

She laughs, wiping at the corner of her eyes. “It’s alright.” She hums as she stretches. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” He falls back into the sheets, welcoming the warmth it brings. “It’s just--it’s a thing I do.” He’s trying to remember for a moment where he put his wallet. 

One hand on his chest, she kisses his cheek. “Whatever you need, just let me know.” 

“My pants,” he grumbles, wiping at his face. 

She nods, and slips out of bed, finding his pants laying across his duffle bag. “Incoming.” Calum sits up and catches his pants, patting the pocket, and there in the back pocket is his wallet. He fishes out the wallet and photo, his mother’s grin making him smile in return. She spies something small that he pulls out and the warm smile. She wonders what it is, but she doesn’t push it before walking out into the hallway. 

Their morning is quiet, Calum joining her to make a quick breakfast after taking her dog for a walk. The morning’s a bit breezy, though not overly so. Calum watches from the passenger side of the car as she rolls down the streets. “Sorry again about my alarm.”

She waves it off. “I’m an early riser anyway, Calum. Really, it’s fine.”

“It’s just a thing I do. I have this picture of my Mum and I. Makes my whole day better starting it out like that.”

Paused at a traffic light, she looks over with a soft smile. “That’s really sweet.”

“So, uh, what’s on your agenda today.”

“Laying vocals for one last song. And god knows, I’ll be laying them for hours.”

Calum remembers her previous rants about needing to get things exactly the way she sees them in her head out on tape. He’s excited to hear more music from her. The two singles are amazing, a bit more bluesy alternative than what he was creating, but the way her vocals reminded him of melting chocolate and she managed to teleport the listener, like sitting in a dark room with an old record playing in the background. It’s awe inspiring and a thing he always went back to when he felt like he was missing a home that he had never really been to. 

The studio is cozy. It’s really just her, the producer and a couple other people. It’s close and intimate. As Calum settles onto the couch outside the recording booth, he keeps to himself but is polite as he’s introduced. “I didn’t expect a partner in crime for today, but uh, this is the famous Calum I probably don’t shut up about.”

She admits it so freely and Calum can’t help but gape. He’s not sure his ears are working. “She really don’t shut up about you, mate,” the guy introduced as Paul laughs. She steps away and lower, Paul adds on, “I’m not attempting to be big brother here. But that girl’s basically a sister to me. And she hasn’t smiled nearly as hard in about a year than she smiles about you.”

Calum watches the door, waiting for her to be just around the corner. When she’s not there, he turns back around. “I’m not going to lie to you. I’m a goner. But it’s, hard. The living situation right now.”

Paul nods, pulling his hair back into a bun. “I get it. I do. Shit’s not easy right now. But, I’m happy she’s happy. And I’m rooting for this. You seem decent. Literally flown across continents for her. That’s mad, but also, really genuine.”

Giggles signal of her arrival, that she’s just down the hallway but Calum chews over what Paul says, as he settles into the seat in front of the mixer and she slides into the booth. This thing went deeper that he realized. Through the speakers, everyone catches her vocal warmups, and Calum sneaks a cheeky video of her, making faces. “I see you, Calum!” She signals him out through the glass. They can only laugh before she returns to her work at hand. 

Halfway through the day, they take a break and as the group leaves to gather lunches, she waves for Calum to join her at the desk. He slips into the second rolling chair. “Hopefully it’s not too boring?”

“No, it’s really not. It’s amazing to see you work.” He can feel the emotion anytime she does a take and it’s always more and more each time she goes. He worried for a second she’d loose her voice but Paul’s always there to reel her in. 

“I wanna play you something.” He watches her click around and soon through the speakers, Calum hears the crooning guitar, wailing and setting the tone before her voice accompanies it. Her voice swells in his chest and he thinks for a second, he might be crying. But he can’t be. Not until she gently takes his chin, guiding him to look at her and her thumb comes up to wipe away gently at the corner of his eye. 

“God, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“Maybe if you stopped singing like an angel, I wouldn’t.”

She laughs, fingers dragging down his cheek, across his moles. “Don’t know what I can do about that.” And her voice is still singing around them, she’s still wailing along with her guitar. Calum just listens, part of him wishing he was listening through headphones to catch every tsk of the drums and listening to the creaks and breathes. 

As the break comes around, her guitar crying out more and slightly out of the melody established, Calum bops along. His head dipping and shaking with the frets. “God, that sounds so dirty, but somehow so emotional at the same time,” he compliments. And as the tracks play on, he listens to each one, fingers picking out the keys and notes over the wooden desk. The guitar sounds like it was laid all at once, not much fuss what layers around it. Just like it was a moment that was just her and her guitar. He compliments each track, gives small suggestions here and there for production, but overall, he’s blown away by her craftsmanship and the way she’s been able to communicate with her team with what she wanted for each song. 

“I want to write like you someday,” Calum teases over his plate. “What’s the secret?” The last twinkling of the bass and piano play out around them. And Calum’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to pick his jaw up off the floor. 

“Being insane,” she returns with a soft laugh. “And having a really great team of course.”

“You’re the mastermind behind it all,” Paul addresses. “We’re just the minions. The pawns in her games of chess.”

She scoffs, working down the last scoop of soup. “Let’s be honest. I’d be lost without you.”

“Nah, you really wouldn’t, babes. You know what you want. I just happen to be able to translate it for you.”

Picking up a napkin from the table, Calum cleans away a little bit of soup that’s dribbled down her chin for her. “And a messy eater, clearly that’s needed in the recipe for creative genius too.”

“Fuck off,” she huffs throwing the plastic her spoon came in at his chest. 

The session ends soon and as they all climb out, taking hallways back to civilization, Calum slips his hand into hers. He pulls them to the side, letting the crowd continue on. “You’re really talented, you know?”

“Nah, I’m not that--”

“No, you really are,” he interjects. His fingers come up to her chin, dancing across her skin. “You really, really are.”

Her cheeks are hot. She’s not sure how to hide the smile, if it’s okay to smile and for the moment all she can focus on his him, and the way his exhales are soft and his lips are such a  pretty pink. “Thank you,” she breathes. 

Calum dips his head, inching and inching closer. “Is-is it okay?” His lips are so close to her and instead of verbally answering, she meets him. They’re lips graze properly and briefly. She pulls away, body flooding with embarrassment and before the words can vomit over her lips, Calum pulls in for another kiss. This one longer, lips actually tasting the other. She thinks she could kiss him forever. 

There’s a soft echo as their lips part. Her eyes are still closed, inhaling deeply to still her rapidly beating heart. “Yeah,” she says, then clears her throat. “It’s okay.”

Calum smirks at her answer, laughing as he kisses her again. This time without fear, without hesitation. Her fingers clutch around his shirt, he can feel her pulling at him like she can’t get close enough. But there is nothing, no inches, no centimeters, no millimeters between them hardly besides the cotton of their clothes. 

There’s desperation, all the I miss you’s and I really could use a hug from you right now’s and all the almost spoken signs of affection pour themselves out into the kiss. They’re not handsy, not dying to cave into hedonism. Just unsure of how to use words to express the concern, the love, the care for each other. Calum cradles her face, pulling back just a little for air. “I’ve wanted to do that for like, so long. And it’s a shame how giddy I feel doing that.”

“No, never a shame. Because like my guts feel like they’ve been folded over like pastry dough right now.”

Laughing into each other, they linger for just a moment longer in the hallway. They share breaths, trying to find the steady established rhythm that they innately have, but getting so lost in each other’s gaze. She’s never really noticed just how deep the brown goes in Calum’s irises until now. “I have lyrics brewing in my head right now and like, it’s embarrassing,” she confesses.

“No, never embarrassing.”

“You cannot use my own sentiments against me.”

“I think I just have.”

-H

[sincerelyreidburke]

15 for platonic nando and ben because its not gay to want to marry the homies

First of all, please forgive me. This is only the first sappy prompt, and while I will most definitely fill all of them, it will come as no surprise to anyone reading this that I’m being slow as I do that. Do not worry! I won’t let you down. I love every single one of these sappy-ass prompts.

Second: Percy, this one made me laugh. I hope you enjoy the bro time ficlet I created in response to your request. Featuring Chef Nando, the Beech Street kitchen, and Ben’s incessant chirping of Nando for being a huge simp. (Quinn is only an offscreen entity here, FWIW. It’s 100% Ben and Nando bro time.)

From this list of prompts!

15. “Please marry me.”

Nando is making a mess of the kitchen.

At least he knows it. And it’s definitely not the first time this has happened. He’s lived in his room at the house on Beech Street for almost an entire school year now, and he’s completely aware of his own tendency to turn cooking space into a war zone. He can’t help it! It’s the allure of a kitchen existing downstairs from him, and a kitchen he only has to share with five other people, no less. Yeah, the freshman boys’ dorm had a kitchen, but a gross communal kitchen in a dorm with 200 other guys is a lot different from a house kitchen he can utilize for hours at a time and not get any shit for it.

That’s why he makes a mess in here. And he knows it. Even if he weren’t aware of it, Quinn would have definitely brought it to his attention by this point, because Quinn will not hesitate to start a bickering argument about this exact type of thing as if they’ve been married for 40 years. (Which Nando loves.) He figures it’s better to know something like this about yourself than to live in total ignorance about it.

So, anyway: he’s making a mess of the kitchen. In his defense, he’s making a messy meal. It’s a Thursday afternoon, sunny and warm (or at least warm for March in New England), and the weather has spurred him into the exactly right mood to make a big dinner. There’s also maybe the added motivation of his one class tomorrow having been cancelled, so today is basically his Friday. And also, he was hungry.

Whatever. The point is, he’s making empanadas, and anybody who takes two steps through the front door of Beech right now would totally know it, because the evidence is everywhere.

There’s flour all over the counter from when he was making the dough. The three separate pans he used to make the filling are stacked up in the sink, yet to be washed. There’s a pan of oil getting ready to heat up on the stove, and just for good measure, as if this weren’t enough food, he’s even making beans and rice, which requires two more pots, both of which are in use right now on other stove burners.

The empanadas themselves, which have yet to be fried, are all on a cookie sheet, separated by wax paper. There are a lot of them, but Beech is home to six hungry athletes plus possibly one more if Remy comes over, which he almost definitely will. Nando wants to save at least a few of them for Quinn, too, even though he won’t be at dinner.

Who said you can’t have a big family dinner on a Thursday night? Nobody. Literally nobody. This is college, and he’s living his best life.

Beech is empty, at least for the moment, which is even more enabling. Nando has music on, as loud as he wants it to be. He thinks he knows where everybody is, too, which is helping him time dinner. Jordy has debate team on Thursdays, and Teegs said something about going to the gym. Remy’s in the library, and Ben and Sam both have classes that should be out soon. Marc is probably with that one girl he’s been trying to wheel lately.

So everybody is accounted for, and he has the house to himself, which is how he wound up cooking. Nando turns up the heat on the oil, and waits. His shuffle switches songs, and he bops around the disaster scene of a kitchen to the steady beat. The sun through the window, though it’s on its way to setting, still warms him up, brightens his mood.

It’s a good afternoon.

He’s not quite frying yet when the front door opens, but he is stirring the pot of beans, reaching over to the back burner on the stove to get to them. It’s starting to smell good— everything is. Beech Street smells like home right now.

Not that Beech isn’t home. It’s just not the same home where Mama and his sisters are. It’s a home away from home. And Nando really, really likes the way that feels.

The door is a distant sound, with his music playing. What actually gets his attention is the voice that comes from that direction; Ben, as usual, announces his own arrival before he actually comes into the kitchen. “Holy actual hell,” he calls, as his steps get closer. “You cooking, Nan?”

“You bet your ass I am,” Nando replies, with a laugh. He pauses his music, and then turns just in time to see Ben walk in. He has his backpack over one shoulder, and his jeans are cuffed, so you can see the rainbow socks that match his scrunchie. He puts a hand to his heart as he stops to survey the scene in the kitchen, and then drops his backpack.

“Duuuude,” he whispers, kind of reverently, and approaches the counter. He doesn’t actually comment on the mess in the kitchen, because Ben isn’t the tidiest person. He’s not the worst, but still. Rooming with him was an experience last year. “What’s this for? You got a hot date tonight?”

“No, not tonight,” Nando mumbles, turning the heat down on the beans. “He has rehearsal.”

“Then this is for us?” A gleeful grin crosses Ben’s face. “Like, this is dinner?”

“Uh, yeah?” Nando laughs. “I thought you guys might want a night off from, like, dining hall food.”

“Wow.” Ben puts his hand back on his heart, and sighs like a damsel in a sexist movie. “I feel so special.”

He grins at him. “I love that you assumed Quinn was coming over because I was cooking.”

“Well, yeah, because you’re a fucking simp,” Ben replies, and then walks over to his side of the counter and punches the side of his arm. “Everybody knows that.”

There’s no use defending himself in the face of Ben’s chirping, but he tries anyway. “I don’t cook every time Quinn comes over.”

“He’s gonna be jealous.” Ben pulls his phone from his pocket. “I’m gonna send him a pict— wait, dude, are those empanadas?”

“I still have to fry them.” Nando gestures to the pan of oil. “But yes.”

“Oh, my God.” Ben laughs and swoons. “Please marry me, dude. Like, what the fuck.”

Nando leans to the oven, to turn it on so it’ll keep the empanadas warm. “Well, now Quinn’s definitely gonna be jealous.”

“Seriously.” Ben arches an eyebrow, flashing his trademark smirk. “I’m sending him a picture. I’m gonna tell him I’m stealing his man and the food that comes with him.”

“I feel like you’re reducing me to my ability to cook.” Nando pauses, as he draws back from the buttons on the oven. He grabs a wooden spoon and turns it upside down, pressing it into the oil to test the temperature. It bubbles a little, but it’s definitely not hot enough yet. “Like a housewife?”

“You are a housewife.” Ben is typing on his phone— Snapchatting Quinn, by the looks of what Nando can see on the screen. There’s a black caption bar over a photo of the tray of empanadas. “You’re the Beech Street personal chef. And I love you for it.”

Nando grins. “I love you, too.”

Ben finishes his Snapchat, then puts his phone back into his pocket and declares, “C’mere, big man.” He hugs him from the side, and Nando pats him on the back with his free hand. “You’re a legend,” Ben announces. “Thanks for feeding our sorry asses.”

“Wow,” Nando chirps, raising an eyebrow at his best friend. “Is this you being actually sentimental? What’s your deal?”

“Fuck off.” Ben immediately punches his arm again, but stays in the hug for a second more before he lets him go. “Who says I can’t appreciate the homies?”

Nando snorts. “I know you’re just trying to get extra empanadas.”

“Not true,” Ben retorts, even though it totally is true. He tucks one of his stray hairs behind his ear, and then folds his arms, surveying the kitchen scene again. “Also, where is everybody?”

Nando rattles off the list of people’s locations he came up with in his own head a little while ago. Ben nods as he does it, then shrugs, walking over to a barstool and hopping up into it. “Looks like it’s just me and you, simp boy.”

“Looks like it is.” Nando knows Ben can’t see his face anymore, as he tests the oil again. He’s grinning anyway. “Do you care if I put my music back on?”

“Yes,” Ben replies. “Your music is trash.”

“Hey!” The oil is hot. Nando straightens and looks over his shoulder. “What’s wrong with my music?”

“I told you,” Ben says, simply. He’s scrolling through his phone at the counter. “It’s trash.” There’s a brief pause, and then Nando’s bluetooth speaker makes a little ping.

Connected to: Ben’s iPhone, says the robot voice, and Nando rolls his eyes. “Come into my kitchen,” he mumbles. “Chirp my ass. Disrespect my music.”

“Oh!” Ben completely ignores this, and grins at his phone. “Q Snapped me back.” He pauses, like he’s waiting for something to load, and then announces, “He says he’s jealous and to save him some.”

Nando turns back to his empanadas, so Ben won’t see the smile on his face as he remarks, “Tell him I was already going to.”

“Of course you were,” Ben mumbles. “You fucking simp ass.”

The oven beeps— it’s finished heating. Nando thinks it’s easier to just fry everything at once and leave it warm in the oven, rather than wait for people to be ready to eat and try to time it. He takes a second cookie sheet out, for as he finishes frying. The apron Quinn made him, tied tight around his waist right now, is about to get kind of greasy. Not that it hasn’t already been through hell and back. He’s had it for over a year.

Behind him, Ben is quiet for a second, and then he starts playing Bruno Mars at a respectable volume through the Bluetooth speaker. Nando grins, and sways his shoulders to the opening couple of beats of 24K Magic. “See,” Ben says, with a grin in his voice. “Don’t say I never did anything for you, Nanny. I know what you like.”

“This is a good song,” he replies, and then Ben immediately starts singing. Nando laughs, loud and long, with the sun warm on his face and a good feeling in his chest.

He drops the first empanada into the oil and sings along with his best friend. Together, they make the kitchen into their own little party. Ben is a bad dancer and Nando is a worse singer, but they vibe together in the kitchen anyway, between batches of frying and various chirps. Nando thinks, as he cooks, that he honestly couldn’t be having more fun.

So, yeah. It’s a really great afternoon.

[dukeofonions]

Reaction Redux (I know it doesn’t make sense but it sounds cool)

Alright, here is my initial reaction to Putting Others First: Selfishness vs Selflessness Redux.

It’s finally here, I’ve watched it a total of two times and currently have it on in the background as I type this, and I have a lot of feelings. All of which would be too much for one post, so after I do this I’ll be making a few separate posts addressing certain points I’d like to expand on further. 

So what I’m going to do is have the video playing as I write this out, that way I don’t miss out anything I wanted to discuss. Basically it’s not gonna be a full on analysis, just a lot of random ramblings with what I hope are some insightful gems sprinkled throughout. Consider these my notes for all my future serious analysis posts. 

Good? Great. Let’s go.  (Also spoilers under the cut)

So, how did I feel as I watched the video for the first time? Well considering I got the notification for the video while I was still at work, I couldn’t get as excited as I wanted to be about it because I didn’t get off until 8pm and had to deal with one too many dunderheads so I was pretty grumpy once I got off. 

However, as soon as I got home and retreated to the safety of my isolation fortress (aka my bedroom) I was finally able to get excited as I got on my laptop and pulled up the video and let me just say I was a mess the entire time. I missed my boys!!! I knew they wouldn’t all be present, but I still missed my boys!!! And I loved seeing them again!!! 

First things first, that song at the beginning! I think it’s called Review Redux (correct me if I’m wrong) it’s such a freaking bop and I wish it was longer because I could listen to it all day. I loved the artwork and little details that went into their characters, and how each of the circles represented who was singing/talking by their colors. Fun stuff and a great way to recap everything! As well as foreshadow things to come within the episode… “If our goals aligned with his what would that say?” Roman you’re in for a rude awakening bud… 

Also, the little moment near the beginning where Patton is about to shut Thomas’ negative thinking down, but stops himself and allows Thomas to explain why he feels that way. Showing that he’s learned to ease up just a little since he learned to do so in Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts. Good for you Patton. 

Speaking of Patton, oh he is so confused. I understand where he’s coming from, and honestly everything he said are things I have been taught growing up, and this is something I’ll address in another post because I have a lot of things to say about it. But just know that I adore the development Patton has been going through and watching him grow and mature. 

Oh yes, I must mention I was pleasantly surprised to see Logan. I didn’t think he’d show up in this episode, or at the very least have a brief appearance, but I love how he took part and by far the funniest part in this episode (to me) is when he had so much to say in one little post that it popped up and hit Patton in the nose. It was one of the few moments where I laughed out loud and I rewound it a few times on my first viewing. 

Plus Thomas being more concerned about the blinds than Patton. My type of humor. And Roman actually gets to use his sword for once, good for him! 

(Funny enough as I typed this the video got to that part at the exact same time so I got a nice little laugh again) 

Which brings up my next point: Logan getting yoinked after Patton skips his dialogue. No one talks about how he does his little impression of that philosopher, am I the only one who found that utterly adorable? 

Let Logan geek out over philosophers please. He clearly loves it so much. 

Then we get to Roman believing he’s the one responsible for everything, wanting to give up the driver’s seat to Patton. And just… This exchange of dialogue:

Thomas: “Roman, I only mean well when I say…” Thomas: “That that is the stupidest thing you have ever said.” Roman: “Oh Thomas, you’re just blowing smoke.” 

I don’t know why I enjoy this so much but I do. Give me more of this. I crave it now.

And I just need to make a whole post about Patton in this video, there is so much to unpack with him alone.

Looking back and noticing that Thomas only starts listening to Logan after he’s been replaced by Deceit kinda hurts. 

Speaking of which, can we appreciate how much better Deceit has gotten at impersonating Logan? Looks like he took Roman’s advice and focused on the little things. Good for him. 

Alright, one of my absolute favorite parts from this episode and where things really start to shine: Patton freaks out and turns into a giant frog because he’s so desperate to have an answer for them he flips and honestly, sounds a little crazy. Which, I don’t know why but I find it both menacing and hilarious at the same time? 

Also the fact he turns into a frog because he was talking about Frogger earlier, nice touch! (And Lilypadton that’s so cute) 

Then we get probably the single greatest character entrance in the history of character entrances. We find out that Deceit finally reveals himself and steps in to stand up to Patton and get him to see how his actions have been having a negative effect on Thomas. 

The way his voice changes from Logan’s to his own, his music kicking in, “The Lord of the Lies” oh my gosh it’s all just perfect! Also Roman’s “Reptilian Rapscallion! Reptilian Rapscallion! We’ve got a code yellow!” 

And if I may: Roman: “What have you done with Logan?!” Deceit: “Nothing at all and I resent the question.” 

WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM YOU SNEK?! 

(in all honest probably nothing but what if) 

Important to note here that Roman instantly begins defending Patton from Deceit as soon as he accuses him of misleading Thomas. This goes to show just how much Roman views him as a villain. Or in other words: Patton, good. Deceit, bad. A viewpoint he continues to hold onto until the end of the episode, which also deserves it’s entire post because we all know how much turbulence that caused within the fandom. 

And to the observant eye, you’ll notice that the cane (or staff) Deceit uses is the same one that dragged Logan off screen. 

Frog puns. That is all.

I just, I love Deceit’s dialogue throughout this scene. It’s stuff I need to hear and tell myself on a regular basis. And I’d honestly rewatch this part (along with the rest of what Deceit and Logan say later on in the video) because it’s all something I need to also teach myself. But this ain’t meant to be a personal post so I’ll just move on. 

Deceit’s walk towards the camera. I don’t know why. It’s so smooth. He’s amazing. I love him. Snek… 

I have problems don’t @ me. 

Also no one is mentioning the reference to that one “Turn based rpg” short that Thomas made with his friends and I find that sad because it’s a neat and fitting reference given the theme of this video. Also earlier on when the trolley problem is first brought up all the people on the bottom track are Thomas’ friends. Another neat little detail, though sadly, their digital selves perished. 

PETER SINGER 

Logan doesn’t seem to like Deceit much, not outright hate him or anything, but it’s more like he just tolerates him but doesn’t seek to get on good terms with him. Which is a shame because as both parts of SVS have proven, these two have the capacity to work together. Which is why I hope Logan gets a debate episode with him as well because out of all the Sides, these two have interacted the least and that needs to be remedied (especially when they’re my two favorites) 

Deceit is trying to make Roman understand, but he’s so caught up in this black and white thinking that he disregards everything Deceit says! Why? Because the last time he tried to hear Deceit out he was reprimanded. (In other words, I relate to Roman so much in this that it hits a little too close to home and I’m definitely making a separate post about this. 

Deceit: *confused* Trees? And I’m so glad I found out I’m not the only dunce who thought Deceit’s name was going to be written on his hand… 

But seriously this whole moment, with the buildup, Deceit’s reluctance to share his name, the music, I’d put it up there with Virgil’s “I was one of them” for best Sanders Sides scenes.

Also, Deceit’s name is Janus! I was a little iffy about it at first, but since I didn’t ever really have a prediction for his name, I wasn’t disappointed and the name is growing on me. 

And then, the moment of trust is immediately ruined by Roman laughing. Dude, come on. (again though, post for another time because I understand where Roman is coming from here)

In all seriousness though I just love the last bits of this episode. The emotion, the angst, it doesn’t hold back and I appreciate the team taking things a step further than normal. Usually, moments like this are followed up by a joke to play it off, but they don’t do that after Roman sinks out. They stay in the moment until it’s had time to sink in. I wish the episode had ended a little more somberly, but I think this is a good step in the right direction. Showing that there won’t always be a 100% happy conclusion to things. Sometimes you need to take time in between to figure things out. 

This line: “Do you think there’s a limit to how many times someone can say sorry before you have to admit that they’re just bad for you?” This line is so important to me within the context of the episode and outside of it. I won’t get too personal but I will say that I was raised to believe that if a person wronged me in any way, that if they said sorry, I had to forgive them. Even if they did the same thing over and over and over again. As long as they apologize, you have to forgive them and move on. And that has messed me up in so many different ways, especially when those people are family. 

Janus sums it up best with “It depends” because yes, some people make the same mistakes again and again. But there’s a difference between someone trying to change and accidentally falling back on old habits, and someone taking advantage of your “forgiveness” that they continue to do those hurtful things because they know they can get away with it and not have to change. 

Also, while it’s totally fine for people to dislike Patton, I can’t understand how anyone could watch this episode and claim that he’s still the same as he was at the beginning of SVS Part One because he has changed. He has finally realized just how much he’s been hurting Thomas, and even Roman. He sinks out at the end to apologize to him, he recognizes his faults, and he’s seeking to make amends. He wants to do the right thing here, and keep in mind that recently a lot of his views (which are also Thomas’ views) have been flipped on their heads and they both need to rethink some things. It’s part of growing up and becoming your own person. 

I need to make a whole post about the more personal things that I got from the last three episodes (excluding Asides) because there’s just so many important things these episodes teach and I feel the need to address them. 

Also everyone sleeping on the fact that Leslie Odom Jr. just casually makes an appearance and attempts to start a pilot episode for his own series “Odom Sides” which I wish him luck on. He just wants to be in the room where it happens. 

Everything Patton did was for Thomas, so he wouldn’t be left in the dark again. He promised to keep fighting but ultimately, ended up fighting himself. Am I deep yet?

“Those imperfections don’t make you any less worthy of love” can you tell how much this episode means to me yet? 

Janus’ “I’ll take care of him.” Ack, he just cares so much… My gosh… Where did this character come from and what did he do with the slimy boi? (I mean that in two different ways)

Oh, there he is. That’s my boi. 

“There are smarter ways to get people to do what you want anyway.” “There are much less barbaric, much more fun, forms of sabotage.” 

Parallels? Maybe? What the heck I love Janus whether he’s encouraging Thomas to look after his mental health or plot his schemes in the shadows. Do I trust Janus? Oh heck no, of course not. There is something suspicious going on here and I both love it and hate it. More on that in a different post though.

“You’re not stuck with an evil snake boi. You’re just stuck with a snek boi.” 

Yes Thomas, continue to overthink every little issue until it results in a mental breakdown. Hm, sounds like what someone with anxiety does… I suppose that’s why this series exists. 

Okay call me a bad person but I almost always space out during Thomas’ messages to the viewers at the end of the videos. I don’t know why but I cannot focus on them to save my life and usually end up skipping past them to get to the end card. I dunno, maybe because it takes me out of the moment? Especially during episodes where they don't’ address the audience at all and then suddenly “Oh yeah! This is a Youtube series lol” it just feels out of place in more story driven episodes like this one. 

Okay am I the only one that’s kinda creeped out by Lee and Mary Lee? I dunno they just seem, off. Like if they were characters in a horror movie they’d be that overly nice couple that turn out to be the killers. Those are the vibes they give me. Maybe it’s because I have zero people skills due to being homeschooled all my life and the only social interaction I get is with coworkers so I dunno. They still creep me out. They creep me out more than Remus. And he legit freaked me out for a bit before he stole my heart. (I suppose this means I need to make a separate post about these two because I do have some opinions about whether or not it was a good idea to actually include them at the end. When I said I had too many thoughts about this episode I meant it)

And if the end card is any indication, I’m going to assume that the Sides are invisible to everyone except Thomas. Unless they’re just “observing” and not even Thomas can see them at this point, given he shows no indication of seeing or hearing them there. Maybe they get to choose when they’re visible? Or Thomas does? I dunno, the rules of this universe have never been clearly stated and are inconsistent. 

I didn’t expect Patton to be the first to accept Janus, and I’m kinda glad I was proven wrong. It does seem fitting with Patton’s growth and I liked their little moment at the end. 

And that wraps up my commentary. I hope you found something in this mess of, things. I plan to go more in depth with my separate posts which I’m going to have fun writing, so be on the lookout for those! 

Also at the time of writing this I now have 63 followers?! Thank y’all so much! I never thought this blog would get this far and I’m so glad it did because I’m having a lot of fun with it and hope to bring out more content regularly! Again, thank you!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #301

“i was waiting for my chance to find the light”

Did you like the beach a lot more as a kid more than you do now? Why/Why not? I did. Everything was more fun as a kid. I never REALLY loved it, though, because I did and still do hate the heat and walking through sand and getting it stuck all over you. It's pretty much torture now because I have extreme difficulty walking through sand. Has there ever been a time where you just couldn't stop crying? Explain. I know I've had days many years ago when my PTSD was truly awful where I'd sob multiple times a day. What's your least favorite time of day? Why don't you like that time?Late afternoon, like around 3-4 or so. By that point I'm usually bored senseless and going downhill. Do you like your lips? Do you enjoy kissing? They're fine, ig. And I mean yeah, if I'm really into the person? Do you like any music from the American Idols? Which ones? Ngl, I don't even remember any besides Kelly Clarkson, and who the FUCK doesn't like "Breakaway." Do you like when people challenge you? If so, in what? No, I get nervous about embarrassing myself. Personally for you, is falling for someone way beyond your control? It is entirely out of my control. What's something other than a fruit that you love in milkshakes? (Ex.twix ) Mostly chocolate stuff, haha. What is your all time FAVORITE milkshake? Ever tried the Reese's Blast from Sonic? That's some A+ shit. What's the latest you've ever stayed up reading a book? No clue. When having a peanut butter & jam sandwich, what is the best kind of jam? Grape. Do you like to write poetry? Yeah, but it's been a long time since I wrote anything. I used to do it aaall the time, but now I have to be seriously motivated and dedicated to the idea. When you get mad do you cry? Absolutely. Would you ever consider modeling? No. I do think one or two model-esque photos of myself would be nice and possibly help my self-confidence, but it's not something I'm seeking out and paying for. Are you scared of crossing bridges? Not very, no. If they're kinda sketchy-looking, I might feel a tad tense, but I'm not really scared of them. Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am unfuckingbelievably clumsy. Ever bought ice cream from an ice cream truck? Yeah, sometimes Mom would let me and my sisters do that as kids when one came through our neighborhood. Have you ever had a poem or story published? No. If you had/have a kid would you ever let them get a tattoo? If they were of the appropriate age, of course. And if they were getting it done professionally and not at some party drunk with friends. They better be in a sterile environment with someone who knows what they're doing. Do you love guinea pigs? Absolutely. I had three or four as pets when I was a kid. What is the worst thing you ever did that got you grounded? Probably run away from home. Have you ever been chased by a snake? No... and this is a misconception. Snakes don't chase. They go for what they see as the safest escape route, and sometimes they identify your own chosen direction as where they wanted to head, too. Where do you wanna work? I want to be a freelance photographer. What awards have you won? A lot of "A honor roll" trophies through school, among other academic awards. I seriously don't know what happened to that intelligence. I also have dance awards and lots of childhood sports team stuff. Would you consider yourself good at taking care of kids? I don't think I am, no. I'm way too nervous and awkward around kids. I've had to babysit for my sister twice though, and Ashley told me the kids had lots of fun and had no complaints. I guess like... I can do it, I am just very, very uncomfortable taking kids under my wing. I worry about leading them in the wrong direction. How old would a guy have to be before you wouldn't date them? I don't know, it would really depend on how much I was into the person. I generally stick with the approximation of a ten year gap though being my limit, so I think maybe him being in his mid-30s would make me feel a bit too weird. Be honest, have you ever tried weed? No, but quite honestly, I'd probably try an edible. I refuse to smoke anything for my lungs' sake. I'm curious if medical marijuana would actually be beneficial for me. Has anyone ever broken up with you with a note? No, but uh... I have, lol. It's how I broke up with my "puppy-dog love" boyfriend in middle school. Literally after he asked me if I was thinking of breaking up with him, and I said no before handing him the note because I was just too scared to do it to his face. I know, that was absolutely awful. Never, ever do that to the most innocent boy ever, kids. He didn't deserve that. Do you have sensitive teeth? Kinda. What was the worst thing you ever did to get detention/suspended? I've only ever had detention once for having too many tardies to my first class of the day in high school. We'd frequently arrive to school just a few minutes late because I was fucking impossible to drag out of bed. Have you ever suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder? Yes. Do you suffer from nasal allergies? Yes. What's your favorite kind of pudding? I only really like chocolate pudding. Have you done anything really interesting lately? I guess you could consider starting a virtual partial hospitalization program "interesting." It's not the intensive version like my first was, but rather being shorter. I just really need something to get my mental health back on the tracks. What’s the latest really fun thing you’ve done? REALLY fun? Hell if I know. I don't experience "fun" a lot at all anymore... I only ever feel like, this watered down, unenthusiastic sorry excuse for it. Have you discovered any good music lately? Oh yeah, I've found lots of 3TEETH songs I'm mad into. "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli is also a total bop. How about any good new television shows? No. Or perhaps some interesting books? Nothing new, no. Have you picked up a new hobby or learned a new skill? I mean, within what timespan? Nothing lately, really. Has anybody ever done your makeup for you? Yeah. Do you own any sparkly items of clothing? No. What’s the most colorful accessory you own and use? *shrug* Do you enjoy drag artists’ work? If so, name some of your favorites. Oh yes, I have wild respect for drag queens. I don't know enough of them to have a fair favorite, but I do watch Trixie Mattel on YouTube and he is a goddamn hoot. What, right now, is the best thing in your life? Um. I don't really know. Probably the fact my mother still lets my too-big-for-the-nest ass to live with her... I don't want to picture how my life would be if I didn't have her still essentially holding my hand. What’s a place you like to go to when you need to get away for a bit? I actually love car rides for this, so long as I can ride passenger and just blare my music and not talk. It's so odd, being afraid of driving but finding great freedom and comfort in just... going. Do you like apples? I love apples. Anything exciting coming up for you in the near future? I paid the deposit for my tattoo appointment, so it was officially scheduled in May!! I was expecting an open date to be kinda far with just how amazing this parlor is, so I wasn't too shocked to hear I have to wait a few months, but man I can hardly wait. When you get an account for something, what's the first username you try? Unless it's for a "professional" site, in which case I'd use my actual name, I just about without fail with use "Ozzkat," or replace the "o" with a zero if that's somehow taken. Would you be okay with a friend wanting to date one of your exes? Which ex? What kind of accent do people typically have where you're from? Southern. Does history interest you at all? Can't say it does. What's something you wish you could do-over? There are many things, man. Is your hair in layers or is it all the same length? Neither, really. The left side of my head is very short/shaved, and as the hair goes around to the right, it gets longer. There aren't "layers," though. Is there anyone who you're afraid to be in a car with, if they're driving? I wouldn't say afraid, but with my sister's road rage and serious tail-gating issue, riding with her can make me nervous. What's something you're very good at? Um, I guess creative writing. Do you like sour gummy worms? oh FUCK yeah Would you pick up a hitchhiker if they seemed harmless? No. I am way too paranoid for that shit. Would you be bothered if your boyfriend liked to bite you? Uhhh I'm going to assume you mean this in a sexual context, in which case I don't care so long as it's not in a visible spot. How often do you get the opportunity to be completely alone? The answer used to be a shitload, and seeing as I'm in my room most of the time, I still feel like that's kind of true, but since Mom's cancer diagnosis and she had to stop working, she's usually home with me. I like it that way, though. Total isolation is bad for me. Do you have a trampoline? Nah, haven't in many years. What's your favorite Pixar movie? Finding Nemo. What is the strangest thing you've been asked? Something sexual that made me extremely uncomfortable. What’s the weirdest thing about life that people just accept as normal? The fact we put so much worth into pieces of green paper. What's the most random thing you've done out of boredom? *shrug* What show did your parents not let you watch as a kid? There weren't any specific shows that we even wanted to watch that Mom forbade us to see... I mean she certainly wouldn't let my sisters and I watch something like South Park as little kids, but none of us really sought unsuitable shows out. We were all about Disney, Nick, and Animal Planet in my case. What is the most pleasurable feeling that doesn't involve anything sexual? What comes to mind first is a big hug from someone who makes you feel safe when you don't anywhere else. What was your last "oops, wrong person" moment? I'm going to assume I sent somebody a text meant for another person. I'm super careful about avoiding stuff like this because I get horribly embarrassed, so it's difficult to recall the last time I slipped up. What do you find attractive that isn't considered "normal" attraction? Having a broad imagination and drive to create. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done drunk? N/A What's something you really enjoy, but can't have? A pet tarantula because Mom refuses to let me lmao. I'm so into them now and desperately want a Grammastola pulchra. What Wikipedia article have you recently read? I haven't read any recently. What subject should be taught at schools, but isn't? Basic adulting and financial skills. What is the worst game you've ever played? I dunno. I've played sooooo many video games throughout my life. What tragic event was coincidentally beneficial to you? My overdose because it led to an intensive partial hospitalization program that totally changed my life. What did you think was cool when you were younger that you now think isn’t? Good question... What are your favorite or most memorable lines from any movie/show? I vaguely remember the concepts of some quotes, but not well enough to recite them. None that are seriously memorable or heavy pop up in my head now. What's a good example of 'Don't knock it till you try it'? Putting peanut butter on top of waffles with syrup. It is fucking delicious. What's your go-to get pumped up song? 5FDP's cover of "Mama Said Knock You Out" is badass HYPE. What's the dumbest thing your parents have said or done? Well, through a family assessment before my current partial hospitalization could begin, I very recently learned my dad fucking did drugs before my sisters and I were born, including shit like cocaine. That was great to suddenly learn. As for my mom... probably have a kid too young? She doesn't talk very much about her eldest daughter's history with (and without) her, but I know enough to know that was a very rocky time in her life. What are some things you wish existed? Cures for countless illnesses, and I also have SUUUUUCH a yearning for some kind of technology that could copy an image in your head onto a drawing device. If only I could draw how/what I see up there... Which person shaped you the most? Jason. Or Mom. What’s the one movie you couldn’t finish? Why? Couldn't tell you; I just haven't watched enough. What's a small thing you have a big passion for? Meerkats, quite literally with "small" lmao. What change have you made recently to help the environment? I have metal straws I try to remember to bring with me if I go out to eat. What was the hardest thing you've ever had to forgive? The way Jason left. Is there anything or anyone you're angry at, that you haven't forgiven yet? I sometimes question if I truly have forgiven Jason. I lean kinda heavily towards yes, I have, I'm just bitter about it all regardless. Have you ever plotted revenge against someone? No. Have you ever done anything to get revenge against someone? I can't think of anything off the top of my head. What is the greatest longing of your heart? To feel purpose. Who was your first love? Some guy in high school who "had" to talk to me upon seeing me the first time, only to wind up wanting to hear nothing from me later on down the line. What denomination is your church (if you go)? N/A What was the first year you voted in a presidential election? This most recent election, actually. Have you ever been afraid of the world ending? I used to worry it would happen in my lifetime, but now I don't. If it ends, it ends. I ain't got much to lose nowadays. What is unfair about your life? My mental health. My financial position. I'd rather not focus on the billion shitty things going on in my life rn, so next question. Did you write love poems when you were younger? ugh Who are you jealous of and why? There's a lot of people I'm in some way envious of, honestly. Have you ever had an account of yours hacked? Yes. Thankfully nothing major happened. Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? No.

[tigerlilyhasablog]

Life During the Apocalypse

Hello darlings! Hope everyone is doing well… Hope you all are safe, healthy and not going too crazy if you are in self isolation. Since I’m stuck in the house with quite a bit of extra time, I’d like to try to blog a bit more than usual. I thought it would be kind of fun to share with you what I have been up to at home, so enjoy: The Day in the Life of a Quarantined Teen.🙃

Remote school

First for the dull stuff. My university moved to remote learning the week of March 6th, and while they originally said it would be “until further notice”, they have since announced that it will be like this for the rest of the semester. It’s definitely more boring than going to class, and I miss going to school and seeing people, but I don’t mind it that much. It’s kinda funny, ’cause I was homeschooled for most of my life, up until college, so doing this is like going back to the old days of being homeschooled. 🙂 Right now I’m actually on Spring Break, so this week I’m mainly just chillin’.

What I’ve been watching

I’ve been meaning to get Disney+ for eons now, but never got around to it. My sister and I decided that hey, what better time than now? The very first thing that we watched was High School Musical… Don’t judge me.😂 Somehow I had gone through life never having watched this iconic piece of pop culture, but I decided it was time to amend that. What can I say: it is equal amounts completely terrible and utterly amazing.

Finally watched The Mandalorian as well, which is really, genuinely good. I feel so-so about most Star Wars stuff – I don’t dislike it, but I don’t love it – but damn, I got into this show immediately. The way that they’ve made it like a Western? So good. The characters, the visuals, the storyline… 👌🏻 And yes, I would die for Baby Yoda.

Once we finished that season, we began on Agent Carter, and we just finished the first season last night. I felt so-so about it for like, the first two episodes, but after that I got really into it and like, damn, it’s really good! Two thumbs up from me.

Other than Disney, the only other thing that I’ve watched recently is The Miseducation of Cameron Post. It’s been on my want-to-watch list for a while now, and the other day my school gave me access to a site with a bunch of free films on it, one of which was this movie, which I was really excited about. Fuck, it was good. Really hit hard, Chloe Grace Moretz was incredible, as was the rest of the cast, just a really powerful story of course. I liked the indie feel of the whole thing… Sometimes you can just tell, you know? The 90s aesthetic was also great.

What I’ve been listening to

Being stuck in the house has giving me lots of opportunity to listen to music basically all of the time, so let me share some of the stuff I have been loving right now:

Conan Gray’s Kid Krow – I am really loving this album. It is packed with bops, as well as some fantastic sad-boi songs. I’ve liked Conan’s stuff for a bit now, but in a rather passive way… Now I would say that my fan-ness (not a word, I know) has been solidified.

Ed Sheeran – let me introduce you to the little underground indie artist I’ve recently discovered. Haha. It’s kinda funny that I’ve gotten so into Ed lately, cuz I mean, of course I’ve listened to his stuff for a while now. But like, I guess I’ve never delved very deep into his discography? But lately I’ve been listening to the entirety of each of his albums, and I’m a little obsessed. Guess I should have believed the hype sooner, huh?

Alec Benjamin – someone else who I’ve been into for quite a while, but who I’ve been listening to even more lately. His songs have made their way onto “Music of the Month” a couple times already, and I’ll tell you right now that he’s on there this month, too. 🙂 I don’t think he has a single bad song. I have tickets to see him in May, provided corona doesn’t fuck that up, and I’m really excited!

Lauv’s Modern Loneliness – bops. bops. bops. What else can I say? Bops.

Foster the People – ok, this band has such nostalgia for me. Torches was like, all that I listened to in like 2012/13. I hadn’t really listened to them lately, and hadn’t really explored their more recent stuff. But the other day I put on their Spotify playlist and had a dance party to them all afternoon and it made me so fucking happy.

What else I’ve been up to

Spending way too much time on the internet – gotta go ahead and get this one out of the way. I’d love to say that I’ve been super productive and learned a ton of new things and been really creative, but if I’m entirely honest, what I’ve really done is wasted a ton of time on YouTube/Tumblr/TikTok.😬

Drawing – I have gotten some stuff done though! I haven’t used this time for art as much as I’d like, but I’ve been sketching some, and also been playing around with a drawing app… I’ve always been a pencil-and-paper person, but doing it digitally is kinda fun!

My latest project? A vine compilation, of course.😂 Here is the beginnings of it:

Making music – again, not as much as I should be, but I’ve been playing the guitar and singing quite a bit. I’ve been doing it in a very relaxed, just-singing-what-i-want-to kind of way, which is nice. I guess I’ll use this opportunity to plug my Soundcloud (which I rarely post on, oops.)

Working out – I always exercise pretty regularly, but I’ve decided that this is the perfect opportunity to ramp it up a bit. My family and I have been going on walks every day, since that’s the only way we can get out, and I’ve been doing the Chloe Ting 2 Week Shred Challenge. It’s fucking tough, but I’m very excited about getting in shape.

Texting for the Bernie Sanders team – this has been fun! It’s a super-easy way to get involved in a campaign… I’d love to say I could make calls, and I hope to eventually, but it makes me really nervous. But texting is something anyone can do! Basically all campaigns have moved online, so if you have some extra time on your hands, get involved from home, either in a political campaign or something on the activism side of things! You can text, call, do stuff with social media… do it!

Catching up with friends – this one is smaller in terms of how much I’ve been doing it, but I’d just like to remind you that this is a great time to text or call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. I know I often feel weird about just contacting someone out of the blue, but in a strange time such as this I think it is the perfect opportunity to check in with someone and see how they are holding up. Even though we can’t see each other in person, we’ve got to stick together in this tough time and keep up our relationships in a long-distance fashion.

Final thoughts

Okay, that’s all for now! It’s looking like this whole situation is gonna last for a while, so maybe I’ll make another one of these in a few weeks and let you know what else I’ve been up to! I’d just like to end with a little thought:  if you are stuck at home and bored and going a little stir-crazy, please remember that we are privileged to be in this situation. There are some people for whom this means that they are out of work, desperate, scared. There are others who are older or immunocompromised who know that getting the virus could be a matter of life or death. Others are not able to work from home and have no choice but to go out every day and risk getting infected. And others have been forced to go home and be quarantined with abusive family members. Even though this is tough for everyone, if your main problem is that you are bored, make sure you put it into perspective and be grateful that that is your biggest worry.

I hope that didn’t sound preachy, but I just think we have to remember that it could be a lot worse. Now, stay safe, stay healthy, and for fuck sake, don’t go out unless you have to. ❤️

[eurosong]

Undo my ESC

Good evening, folks! If you saw my first instalment of “Undo my ESC”, the annual feature where I make a year’s Eurovision better for me by making alterations in each country, you might have thought that ESC getting cancelled had dulled my edge, since, comparing to usual standards, I hardly changed much at all there. Well, that’s because, once again, we have seriously uneven semis, and Semi #1 would have been killer, whilst Semi #2 would have been dead. Here is what Í would have done to even those semis up! 🇦🇱 Albania: The Albanian delegation had seemingly done all it could to wash its hands of, well, two years of comparatively excellent results with authentic, melancholically poëtic and qualitative tracks, namely Malland Ktheju tokës. They brought in Byuckman, in whose interest it is for the contest to become as generically “radio-friendly” as possible, and the genius who brought us lyrics like “this is love/rain falls from above”. As judges. Of a serious musical festival. The foreign jurors did as expected, and voted for the appointed “bop”, but were foiled, however, by one of the minority Albanian jurors on the panel who put it  low in her ranks. An actual renowned music professor who got called all the names under the sun for doing so. And so, to an ensuing shitstorm, the classical and powerful Shaj prevailed instead. Unfortunately, the battle was won but the war was lost, because the representative herself took the lessons of 2018-9, threw them down the aeroplane toilet on the way to LA, and ripped the spirit out of the song, reverting back to the previous Albanian trend of terrible “revamps” and laboured translations into English. The result, Fall from the sky, is but a husk of the original. In my ESC, I’d probably simply keeping the original version of Shaj, which was my uncontested #1 of all songs, but part of me would opt for Ajër, which I love almost as well but which doesn’t carry the baggage of hanging over my head like the sword of Democles this entire season. 🇦🇲 Armenia: I’ve more often than not loved the entries of Hayastan, from the joyous Jan Jan to the soaring Fly with me and defiant Walking out. To say they took a step back this year is kind – it was more like a powerful jump backwards that landed them in the nearest ocean, where they sank like a stone. It was one of the most singularly unpalatable NFs that I have ever watched in this era. Rather than retraumatise myself by going into detail about it, I’ll just say, I would have sent Srbuk or Artsvik again to get the top 10 that I feel both warranted!

🇦🇹 Austria: What a journey for Österreich. From Conchita to this guy, a perky homophobe who explicitly said he wished his kids would not turn out to be gay. He comes up with a third-rate impersonator of a third-rate Benjamin Ingrosso impersonator’s third-rate impersonation of a Timberlake b-side. I would throw that in the bin and invite Pænda back from last year for a shot at redemption after her gorgeous Limits got slept on in 2019.

🇧🇬 Bulgaria: Some people had the neck to say to me “who needs Hungary when Bulgaria is coming back?” Well, I do. Hungary were constantly in the top of my rankings, and just quietly and consistently brought quality. Bulgaria has brought me one good thing – Poli Genova’s œuvre – and a tonne of hype. Their song this year was one of the favourites, and I still can’t wrap my head around how other than the force of PR. It’s a bizarre, unsettling combination of passive-aggressive “look how much you’re making me hurt myself” lyrics with Disneyish saccharine accompaniment, topped off with a key change?! For want yet again of a national final, I would bring Poli back – third time even luckier? 🇨🇿 Czechia: The Bohemians (and Moravians) keep it contemporary but superficial for a third year running, although, thankfully, for the first time since they began doing national finals, we finally have a song without a dubious attitude towards women in the lyrics. Not that there is much to analyse in those lyrics. It’s a merely ok song for me, no better, no worse: a superior alternative would have been Barbara Mochowa’s lush and contemplative second effort, White and black holes, or the glorious 90s British indie-influenced All the blood. 🇩🇰 Denmark: Did Denmark confound international monitors into calling it the world’s happiest country by exposing them to the relentlessly cheery songs that they pick for Eurovision lately? And yet – I really do say yes to Yes, To a certain extent, to a limited amount of exposure, and despite the fact that it leans a little too hard into the territory of sounding like a second Little talks. It was one of the few good songs from DMGP – I also liked the 80s shoegaze-ish Den eneste goth– and I feel so mad at DR that they won’t give Ben and Tan a guaranteed second shot to represent their country after they won in front of an empty crowd. 🇪🇪 Estonia: The days of Eesti being Beesti seem like from a distant memory to me, but there was some quality and quirkiness in Eesti Laul, buried under mountains of beigedom, like the rich-voiced Egert Miller’s soulful Georgia, the jazzy Write about me, or the feisty earworm that was Ping pong. Instead, we got a dreary dirge with sub-Hallmark lines about wot luv is, which would have sounded dated in a contest 30 years ago, sung by a repugnant guy who tried to get people to vote for him last year by leaning on the idea that he was the “only true Estonian.” I’d have Egert get his rightful place as Jüri Pootsmann’s spiritual successor. 🇫🇮 Finland: I was one of the few to be jubilant when a bizarre ode to an Italian porn star with a backing track sounding like a violated version of Eläköön elämä came second in the polls to its spiritual opposite: a shy and rather awkward guy singing a quietly moving song about the passing of time. I love Looking back and wouldn’t change a thing. 🇬🇪 Georgia: You never know what to expect from Georgia, except the unexpected, and yet even I was surprised by what they came up with: a close-shaven guy with veins popping in his head screaming “why don’t you love meeeee?” to a rocky, electronic backdrop. Me being me, I actually do like it a lot. “Take me as I am” sounds like a veiled potshot at the big 5 and a vindication of Georgia’s “keep it weird, send what we want” philosophy. I could suggest that the lyrics, that sound like those of a spurned angsty teen, change a bit, but that would be defeating the purpose of Georgia: one takes them as they are. 🇬🇪 Greece: So, somehow, despite S!STERS coming dead last with 0 pts in the televote last year, using exclamation marks to substitute the letter I is now a thing in Eurovision with the advent of Superg!rl. I spent an hour watching folk waffle on in Greek in its reveal show only for them to reveal the song literally at the very end, so after that, it was a little underwhelming, and nowhere near as good as Better love in 2019. I don’t hate it – and the music video’s concept of her being an amazing superhero who can change the world, but instead she’s stopping people slipping over bananas and rescuing cats from trees is weirdly endearing, so it can stay, but I’d improve the lyrics, particularly in the chorus. “I’m a supergirl, supergirl, in a crazy world, crazy world” is not much higher than “this is love, rain falls from above” in historically bad Greek lyrics at ESC. 🇮🇸 Iceland: Daði Freyr came back from near-victory with the delightful Is this love, added a lovely inspiration in his newborn daughter to a similarly funky and playful track, and came out with Think about things. Unlike what usually happens with songs that are a little bit odd, I was positively surprised to see it walk the NF, and become a phenomenon even outside the ESC fandom. This was perfect and joyous from beginning to end. I hope Iceland will not be like the other Nordics, and will invite Daði directly back .🇱🇻 Latvia: I have come to enjoy the bizarre chaötic energy of Still breathing, It’s a hot mess, but I take weird over dull any day. It wasn’t my favourite in Supernova – that would be the effortlessly cool Polyester, an earworm with a social conscience, written about the cost of fast fashion but dismissed by many people as “she luvs t-shirts song lol”. Given that Samanta Tina tried over half a dozen times to go to ESC, finally won and then had the chance ripped out of her hands by the cancellation, I don’t have the heart to remove her from my ideal ESC 2020 though. She stays, but maybe the staging changes? It’s odd to have what you believe is a feminist anthem but then relegate your backing singers to in the distance, their faces shielded away. 🇲🇩 Moldova: Life is too short to follow Moldovan national finals, especially when you know, lately, that whoever is backed by the hilariously inaptly named Dream team will win there. They are like a parasite, sucking out the colour and fun out of a country that once had plenty of both – cross-reference Hora din Moldova or Lăutar to name just two examples. I guess out of an uninspiring lineüp, I’d go for Moldoviţa for having at least a hint of the brassy folk that used to be their calling card. 🇵🇱 Poland: Speaking of calling cards, after a one year hiatus with an arresting combo of white voice and rocky instrumentation, Poland has returned to what it has most often done in recent years – presented us with an absolute dirge, Empires, which seems like it was written by an unenthusiastic English student whose homework assignment (for which they received a generous C-) was to write a poëm with a bunch of metaphors “we’re moths to a flame, birds to a pane of glass, gasoline and a match”. Despite having a big music industry from which to choose many gems, Poland offers me little alternative choice given that there were only three songs in their grand final – one by the Czech representative last year who, as you might guess from what I said literally a sentence up, isn’t even Polish!Horny Elf, who’s contractually obliged to write only creepy lyrics for songs, tried to represent Polska with a song inspired by a true-life situation where he went around Tel Aviv with a cardboard cutout of one of the hostesses of the show. It’s a love song inspired by gallivanting around with a piece of cardboard. Addressed to that actual hostess. And it’s an almighty earworm that hasn’t escaped my mind since. Amazingly, his Lucy would be my Polish representative. 🇵🇹 Portugal: Portugal is another country beloved by me by for dancing to the beat of its own drummer, or perhaps, rather shedding tears to the strumming of its own fado guitar. They struggled being different, they won being different, and for the last few years they’ve struggled again, despite having a lot of support for both O jardim and Telemóveis amongst fans. This year, the televote went for one interesting song, the charmingly Gallic, accordion-drenched Passe-partout, a song about a cultured girl shaking off her boorish ex who could “never even get into Piaf”, whilst the jury got behind another interesting song, Gerbera, an entrancing, arresting and poëtic song laden with metaphor about the idea of music competing itself. This let Medo de sentir,second in both polls, turn silver into gold. It’s a lovely, heart-felt track, but rather unexceptional - I would have had one of the other more singular songs win. 🇸🇲 San Marino: The weird boil on the face of ESC that somehow never pops, SM is back after its bewildering qualification with a tone-deaf dentist wailing to a microwaved disco song… with something actually palatable, sort of. The aptly named Freaky is dated, odd, overly busy, but Senhit has a lot of charisma, and the idea of “break[ing] all the rules, mak[ing] up some new [ones] and destroy[ing] all of them too” and “life goes by too quickly not to be freaking it up”, well, maybe we do get on board. 🇷🇸 Serbia: Serbia is usually a byword for quality at the contest – they won with one of the best 21st century winners hands down in Molitva, and also sent some of the most beautiful compositions in the contest’s history at the hands of Željko. This year, they decided to join in the leitmotif of reliable countries sucking by sending a group that sound like a third-rate mid-2000s girl band from Transnistria when beautiful songs like Cvet sa Prokletija were right there. 🇨🇭 Switzerland: Fair play to the Swiss for not doing a Cyprus and leaning in on their success with their male Fuego, She gat me, and instead going in a completely different direction with this moody effort. I’m not entirely convinced by the teenage emo-ish lyrics or the unnecessary falsetto, but Répondez-moi is a refreshing effort, and has the bonus of being in French too! And the automatic qualifiers: 🇫🇷 France: You’ve heard of France, right? You know, that wee country south of Belgium, north of Andorra, not much of a music industry… or so you’d think, given that the troolee jeenyuss new delegation, who abandoned their brilliant national final which showcased how diverse and qualitative their music scene is despite it being a huge success in the fandom, and instead reached out to the writer of last year’s last place song for the UK and a few other rentaswedes and they produced something that sounds like a b-side that not even Westlife would have recorded, replete with a stock key change. About as French as IKEA köttbullar. A real shame for one of Europe’s most highly esteemed cultural hotbeds. If they wanted to pick Tom Leeb, who seems like a nice guy and has written some lovely music, he could have made his own song and it would have indubitably been scores better than this. 🇪🇸 Spain: I’m going to apply this to all the automatic qualifiers voting on this semi-final: they scrapped a national final for this? OT was not an ideal format as last year demonstrated with its shit show of contestants sabotaging themselves so as not to get picked for ESC – but still. There’s not much I can say about this other than I don’t like it much and I’d rather Spain return to a proper NF. You don’t spend time trapped on a bus where this song with its torturous falsetto was on replay and emerge with fond feelings. 🇬🇧 United Kingdom: Usually, in this space, I can point to a song that the UK should have sent and that I fell in love with – like I wish I loved you more or You. Once again, though, another big 6 nation scrapped their NF after tanking it with a bizarre format last year. The BBC said nothing for months, then were unwilling to spend tv time on ESC this year so just blurted out an announcement of an announcement in  about 40 seconds after some dance show. And then they dropped this song. It’s… passable at best, with an annoying chorus (especially that beat in “my last… breath”) and a staggering amount of repetition in a song that clocks in at only around 80% of the standard Eurovision song length. James Newman surely could have come up with something better. It’s a baby step in the right direction, but one taken at the shore where you need to start running to avoid getting pulled away in a rip.

[kumeko]

A/N: For the @heroeseverafter zome! I wanted to do a play on Lilo and Stitch (with obvious cast above!) and for once only one member of the big three appears here. The amazing @mabbofu on twitter made spot illustrations/line breaks for this!

Summary: Eri didn’t know what to make of the red monster tearing through her trash, only that he looked as lonely as she felt.

…

…

…

…

“We’re going to be late.” Eri looked away from the car window to the front seat, where her mom was glaring at her dad. Arms crossed, jaw jutting out slightly, she was the picture of irritation. “Again.”

 Outside, the rain fell, quietly tapping on the glass. It sounded like a song and Eri swayed in time with it. There were few things she looked forward to more than dance class, though she still wasn’t good at it. Maybe she could practice with her brothers. Or, rather, brother—Izuku was a terrible dancer, worse than her.

 Her dad smiled at her mom playfully, looking at her over his spectacles. “Didn’t you hear? It’s in fashion?”

 Eri giggled. Even her mom couldn’t help but crack a smile. Almost nothing could stand up to her dad’s jokes. Looking at her through the rear-view mirror, he winked.

“Don’t think I didn’t see that!” her mom warned, but the fire was gone from her tone. Sighing, she fiddled with the radio, flipping through the channels.  “Next time, we leave when I say so, okay?”

 “Roger!” Her dad mock saluted.

 “Roger!” Eri chirped, following suit.

 “You two…” Sighing, her mom turned off the radio and looked back at her. “Honey, why don’t you practice the song they’re teaching you? What was it again?”

 “Aloha o…” Eri frowned, fumbling over the last sound. “Ow?”

 “Ow?” Her mom chuckled. “Well, you are learning three languages. Maybe your brothers can help you with it? I’m not all that good.”

 “It’s easy.” Her dad hummed the song softly. “It’s a beautiful song. Let’s sing it together, Eri! One, Two, Thr—”

 -x-

“—ee is the answer.”

 Eri blinked. The window she was staring through was her classroom, the voice her teacher’s. Any sound of shattering glass, of a horn blaring or tires screeching were all in her head. Unconsciously, her hand touched her forehead on the scar that was barely visible through her long hair.

 She was safe. That was a memory and she was safe. Her stomach flipflopped, and she forced back bitter vomit that wormed its way up her throat.

 Turning back to the front of the classroom, she eyed her first-grade teacher. Mr. Toshinori, looking as frail as ever, coughed into his elbow. It sounded like he was hacking up a lung. Every part of him looked like he should be in the hospital. Finished, he straightened up and smiled feebly. “What do you think will happen if you add two and two?”

 “Mr. Toshinori, don’t you think you should quit being a teacher?” From the front row, Eri’s classmate Mertle asked, not bothering to raise her hand. She flipped her red hair with a hand. “You’re dying.”

 “I’m not—” He hunched over as he coughed again.

 BRINNGGGG!

 Interrupting him, the bell chimed a second time, letting them know that school was over. A dozen chairs scraped against the floor as students immediately leaped to their feet.

 Struggling to maintain some semblance of control, Mr. Toshinori said, “Guys, I know this is our last day of class, but don’t forget—”

 It was too late, half the class had already stampeded to the exit, into the waiting hands of their parents. Eri felt bad for him.

 “Hey.”

 Eri tore her eyes away from her sad teacher. Mertle stood beside her, arms crossed, a sneer on her face. Looking down at her, she raised a brow, “You heard the bell right?”

 Her friends stood behind her, identical snobbish looks on their faces. “Right?” they echoed.

 Eri nodded. “Y-yes.”  

 “You spend all day staring outside. At least you’re not deaf, and just a space case.” Mertle pushed up her glasses. “Why’d you drop out of dance class? Is it cause you suck?”

 Dance class. Eri bit her cheek. “I…”

 Let’s sing together.

 “What’s going on here?” As though sensing her distress, Mr. Toshinori came over, a disapproving frown on his face. “Mertle, are you—”

 “I’m just cheering her up!” Mertle snapped back, flipping her hair and walking away. “The weirdo doesn’t talk otherwise.”

 “Mertle! Detention!” Mr. Toshinori sighed, shaking his head before crouching down in front of Eri. Giving her a gentle smile, he asked, “Are you okay?”

 She didn’t know the answer to that question anymore. Eri nodded her head.

 “If you need anything, you can talk to me.” He rubbed her head. “I know it must be hard these days, but I’m here for you.”

 The door swung open with a loud bang and her older brother Izuku stood at the entrance, panting. “Eri!” he jogged to her table, glancing up at the clock. “I’m sorry I’m late!” He bowed his head once. “I wasn’t fast enough.”

 “I-it’s okay,” Eri mumbled, shaking her hands in front of her. Sweat dripped down her brother’s forehead and her shoulders sunk. Every day, after school, he ran to her classroom. Izuku didn’t join any clubs, didn’t hang out with his friends, just made a beeline straight to her.

 She wasn’t worth it.

 “Any faster, my boy, and you should be on the track team.” Mr. Toshinori chuckled, resting a hand on Izuku’s shoulder.

 “M-m-mr. Toshinori!” Izuku’s eyes grew wide as he stared up at the teacher. Flustered, he ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not that fast. Just…”

 “You weren’t that late today.” Mr. Toshinori squeezed his shoulder, his voice gentling. “And I said before, I don’t mind waiting.”

 “That’s fine! I’ve got this.” Izuku pumped his hands, giving Eri a bright smile. “Right?”

 She nodded in response and his smile dimmed a notch.

 -x-

 Eri blinked awake, her throat parched as she stared up at the dark ceiling. Outside, the leaves rustled as a cool night breeze blew through them, crickets chirping restlessly as the hour wore on. Water, she thought. Her tongue felt like sand in her mouth. She glanced at the table next to her bed. Usually, her mom would have put a glass there, would have brushed back her bangs before kissing her goodnight.

 She wiped her eyes. Slipping out of bed, Eri quietly padded out of her room. To her left, at the end of the long hallway, was a locked door. Her parents’ room. Mirio had shut it when she came back from the hospital, locking it tight. We can deal with it later, he’d said.

 She heard the word Never. The door had only opened once, before the cremation, and Mirio had gone in alone. Izuku had read her a story while they waited downstairs, his eyes sliding away by the end of every paragraph. Eri couldn’t remember what the story was. Maybe he’d never finished it.

 No, she didn’t need to go there. What she needed was water and that was downstairs. Eri turned to her right, toward the stairs. The floorboards creaked lightly with every step. Her brothers’ bedroom lights stayed off.

 “What did he….”

 “Just…”

 At the top of the stairs, Eri froze as she heard voices. Quickly, she sat down on the stairs, slowly lowering herself down the steps until she could hear them better. In the living room, Mirio sat on the couch, hands clasped, jaw resting on his knuckles as he thought about it. Izuku paced back and forth as though the answers could be found if he walked enough.

 “They’ll just take us?” Izuku asked, his hands curled into fists. “They’ll separate us?”

 “If I can’t prove that I’m taking good care of you, yes.” Mirio raked a hand through his hair. “Money’s a little tight because of all the bills, so they’re concerned.”

 “But…that’s just unfair!” Izuku stopped walking, his arms at his side. “I…what if I get a job too?” His expression brightened. “I can get a job after school and-and-and I can go to work after I graduate!”

 “No!” Mirio sprang to his feet and Eri shivered. She’d never seen her brother look so angry. Even Izuku took a step backward. Calming down, he smiled and grabbed Izuku’s hands, carefully uncurling his fists. “You can’t daydream while on the job, you know? And how’re you going to finish all your homework when you’re working.”

 “But—”

 “It’ll be fine,” Mirio interrupted, his smile even brighter as he pulled Izuku close and hugged him tight. “Look, tomorrow I’m starting a new job, a nice one down by the beach. And Nejire and Tamaki said they’d help out as much as they can. So don’t you worry about money, unless you want to be like Scrooge.”

 “But—”

 As though to prove his point, Mirio quacked.

 “O-okay.” Izuku relaxed slightly.

 “And you’re going to university.” Mirio pulled back, brushing Izuku’s hair out of his face. “It’d be a crime to keep the greatest mind out of university.”

 Izuku bit his lip. “You didn’t get to go.”

 “Yet.” Mirio bopped him on the nose, winking. “I’m just delaying it a little, that’s all.”

 “You will go, okay?” Izuku pressed, a determined expression on his face. “After me, right?”

 “As long as I can use your notes.” Mirio chuckled. “Now, let’s go to bed; you’ve got school tomorrow and I can’t be late for my first day.”

 Eri scrambled backwards, trying to keep out of sight, but the stairs creaked at that moment. Immediately, her brothers looked behind them, up at the stairs.

 “Eri!” Mirio’s eyes widened before he gave her the same reassuring smile. “What’s up?”

 “E-e-eri?” Izuku had always been the worst liar.

 Getting up, she weakly waved. “Water,” she mumbled.

 “Water! Got it!” Izuku ran to the kitchen.

 “Careful not to spill!” Mirio called out, heading up the stairs toward her. “Let’s go to your room to wait for him, okay?”

 She nodded, grabbing her brother’s hand. It was warm. This close, she could see the bags under his eyes, the lines on his face. He never looked so tired, so old before. Maybe it would be better if he didn’t have to take care of her, if she lived away.

 As she slipped back into bed, Mirio carefully tucked her blanket around her. “Still kinda chilly, isn’t it? Maybe we’ll get Christmas in July!” He sat on the edge of her bed, his hand gently brushing the bangs away from her eyes. Did their mom do that for him too? “You okay, Eri?”

 “Yeah,” she mumbled.

 “Got your water!” Izuku stumbled in. Coming to a stop next to her head, he offered her the glass. “Did you have a bad dream?”

 “No,” she answered truthfully, sitting up to drink. Her mouth still felt parched. Maybe the thirst would never go away.

 “You know what we haven’t done in a long time? Singing lullabies!” Mirio took the glass from her and set on the side table. Imploringly, he leaned forward and asked, “Do you want to sing with us, Eri?”

 “No,” she answered immediately.

 Mirio’s expression tightened but he kept his smile up. “Alright then, we’ll sing instead. Close your eyes.”

 -x-

 Eri rocked her feet back and forth as she sat at the kitchen table. It would be another hour till dinner, another hour till Mirio came back from the beach. Beside her, Izuku poured over sheets of paper, filling line after line with tiny, cramped writing. His homework was much harder than hers. And longer.

 Outside, something metallic rattled. Eri looked at the kitchen window curiously, but from here she couldn’t see anything. Izuku hadn’t noticed, muttering under his breath something about sins and triangles. Sneaking a glance at him, Eri slipped off her chair and headed to the backdoor.

 Opening it a crack, she peeked outside. There was a concrete slab, a grassy hill, two trashcans—

 A trashcan rattled and Eri jumped. Was it a mongoose? A monster? Staring at it, she waited, but the can didn’t move. It only rattled every now and then, as though someone was rolling around in it. Behind her, Izuku was still concentrating on his homework. She didn’t want to bother him; it was time she fought monsters on her own. Gathering her courage, Eri slipped outside.

 “Hello?” she called out as she got closer, clasping her hands together nervously. “Are you a monster?”

 The trashcan fell over in response and she tried not to shriek as she jumped back. For a second, nothing happened, and then this big red thing crawled out. Eri stared. What was it, a dog? A cat? It was a big, furry animal, with four legs and long antenna sticking out of its forehead. Looking a little dizzy, it shook its head and coughed. Clouds of black smoke escaped its lips.

 It had to be a monster. A fire monster. It looked her, with big, unblinking eyes, before returning to the garbage. Tearing apart the bag with its claws, it nosed through the refuse.

 Eri stared. It was a hungry monster.

 -x-

 “Hey, are you here?” Eri whispered, sneaking out of the house with a plate of meat. This was what having a pet was like, she imagined. Every day without fail, the red monster would come to sniff through their trash. Izuku was always busy with homework and Eri finished hers early, so she snuck out to feed him.

 The second she set down the plate, he reappeared. When she backed away, he crept closer, sniffing the plate suspiciously before wolfing down everything on the plate. And almost the plate itself, but when she’d chased him away, he got the picture. He was a smart monster.

 So smart that he wouldn’t let her pet him. Eri frowned. This wasn’t at all like having a pet. All she did was feed him. Like right now. As she put down the plate, the monster poked his head out of a bush.

 “Arrwhhh?” he growled.

 “Can I touch you?” she asked hopefully.

 The monster hissed, shaking his head. His long, floppy ears whipped back and forth.

 Shoulders slumped, she walked back to the back door and sat on the ground. Deeming it safe, the monster jumped out of the bushes and rushed to the plate. He gave a happy grunt at the sight before immediately devouring everything in front of him.

 Smoke rings still escaped is mouth every now and then. Maybe one day there’d be fire too. Eri glanced at the distant shape of the volcano. Her mom (and her heart hurt at the thought) used to point at it, calling it by the names of her native tongue. Kazan. “Bakugou.”

 Before she could say anything else, the monster’s ears straightened and he looked at her. He grunted.

 She wasn’t sure what to make of that, only he looked a bit happier. Eri tried again, “Bakugou?”

 The monster looked at her again, grunting once more. Was that his name? She nodded. “I’m Eri.”

 “E-ry,” the monster, Bakugou, repeated.

 “Can I pet you?” she asked, holding out her hand.

 True to form, he ignored her and finished devouring his meal.

 -x-

 “Oh no.” Izuku paled as he rifled through his backpack. Hastily, he pulled everything out: loose sheets of paper, textbooks, a gumwrapper. Turning his bag upside down, he shook it twice but nothing else came out. “Oh noooooo.”

 Eri tore her eyes away from the window. The trashcans hadn’t rattled yet; Bakugou hadn’t arrived yet. “Something wrong?”

“My homework.” He slumped on the kitchen table and bemoaned, “I left the math sheet in my locker.” Hands on his hair, he tugged on the curly tufts. “And it’s due tomorrow.”

 His teacher, Mr. Aizawa, was oddly strict and Eri gnawed her lip. “Are you in trouble?”

 “Yeah.” He banged his head on the table once more before sitting up suddenly. “Iida!”

 “Iida?” Eri cocked her head. She vaguely remembered meeting her brother’s friends. He was the tall, serious one, the one who smiled stiffly.

 “I can get a copy from him.” Jumping to his feet, Izuku dashed to the door and swung it open. Slipping into his shoes, he dashed out. The door barely closed before he ran back in in. “Eri.”

 “Y-yes!” She ran to the door.

 “Is it okay if I leave you alone? It’s just for ten minutes, okay?” Izuku looked at her beseechingly.

 “T-that’s fine.” Eri nodded her head eagerly. Any other answer and he’d stay behind; she’d already caused him enough trouble with adding to the list. “Good luck.”

 “Thank you!” Izuku hugged her tightly and then he was off again, the door banging shut.

 The house quiet. Eri looked behind her. The lights were on in the kitchen and living room, but nowhere else. Now that she thought about it, it was the first time she’d been left alone. She padded quietly to the kitchen, turn on the water, and filled a glass. Maybe she should turn on the tv; she didn’t like how quiet it was.

 Outside, the trash cans rattled and Eri jumped. Leaning on the sink, she peeked outside to find the red monster outside. He growled, hungry, and she lowered herself to the kitchen floor. She’d almost forgotten it was time to feed him; she wasn’t entirely alone then.

 She wasn’t alone. Eri glanced at the front door. Izuku wouldn’t be back for a while. It couldn’t hurt to let him in, just for a little, would it? No one had to know. Opening the side door, Eri stared at the expectant Bakugou. He growled at her once but did little else. Hesitantly, she suggested, “Come in.”

 Bakugou didn’t move, only giving her a dubious look.

 “The foods inside,” she added, stepping back.

 He gave her a second look. As his stomach grumbled, he reluctantly got on his feet and crawled over. At the threshold, he hesitated. His belly rumbled once more, and he trotted in.

 Eri sighed with relief and followed him to the kitchen. Now inside, all of his reluctance was gone and Bakugou was investigating everything in the house, especially the knives for some reason. He opened every cupboard, poked his nose into every shelf, and Eri winced as spoons and pots fell out in his wake.

 “You can’t do that,” she reprimanded, picking up the fallen cutlery.

 If Bakugou was listening, he didn’t react. Instead, he swung open the fridge, far stronger than his appearance suggested. “Food!” he uttered, the word barely recognizable.

 “You can’t—”

 “Eri!”

 “Are you okay?”

 Eri dropped the pans with a huge clang as she heard not just Izuku’s voice, but Mirio’s as well. He was home early. Really early. It hadn’t even been five minutes since Izuku had left. “H-here,” she replied back, running to the fridge. Trying to grab Bakugou, she whispered, “You have to go!”

 He dropped an egg on her head.

 “Don’t be scared, but we have a guest today! From Social Services!” Mirio said. There was a thud as something fell, followed by the sound of footsteps.

 She paled. That was even worse than just her brothers. “You really have to go!” Jumping up and down, she managed to grab Bakugou’s foot. As she yanked him, she fell backwards with a soft groan.

 Bakugou reacted quickly by pulling his leg free and scrambling up the counter. He hissed at her, smoke escaping his mouth again, and she wasn’t sure if she’d imagined the flicker of fire this time. Before she could get on her feet, Mirio and Izuku were standing at the kitchen entrance.

 “As you can see.” Mirio gestured. “She’s…” He trailed off, his eyes widening as he took in the mess. “Uh…”

 “What happened?” Izuku gasped.

 “Kids are kids?” Mirio suggested, laughing nervously.

 Behind him, the tall, reedy man adjusted his glasses. “I see.”

 “What do you see?” Izuku asked, still staring at the mess. “And what is that?”

 Bakugou didn’t take kindly to being gawked at. He ran along the counter and Eri wasn’t sure if he was trying to escape or attack her brother. Either way, if he leapt out of the kitchen, the rest of their house would be as messy as this room. Chasing Bakguou, she grabbed him as he leapt off the counter. An entirely unwanted action, he struggled in her arms, trying to escape.

 “You can’t!” she said, tightening her grip. Panicking when he didn’t relent, Eri glanced at her brothers. What was she supposed to do now? Before she could think about it, she started humming. By now, she had forgotten the words to the song, but the tune, the tune was still there.

 Slowly, Bakugou relaxed in her grip.

 “We heard pets are great for theraphy,” Mirio quickly explained, pulling the social worker away. “Still training him though.”

 “Yep, training, definitely training,” Izuku chimed in, propelling the stranger forward by pushing on his back.

 As they headed to the entrance, Eri slumped to the floor. Letting go of Bakugou, she sighed. That wasn’t good. Her brothers would be in even more trouble now. And it was all her fault.

 “Arawww,” Bakugou growled, sounding almost friendly.

 “It’s okay.” She held out a hand. “You’re a problem but I’m one too.”

 Bakugou stepped forward, sniffing her hand. Approving, he sat down and arched his head toward her. Did that mean she could pet him? Hesitantly, Eri laid a hand on his fur. He pushed his head further into her hand, giving her an impatient bark. Excited now, she petted him. His fur was softer than she’d expected. There was a rumbling sound, almost like purring, and when she glanced at his face, there was something like a contented smile on his face.

 “Eri.”

 At the sound of her brothers, Bakugou dashed to the other side of the kitchen and watched them warily. She looked up to find Mirio and Izuku standing at the kitchen entrance, their eyes wide.

 “Eri, you’re smiling,” Mirio whispered.

 She patted her mouth. Her lips were up and oh, she was smiling. Before she could say anything, four sets of arms were around her, bodies colliding as both her brothers hugged her.

 “I was worried you’d never smile,” Izuku mumbled, crying.

 “I’m so glad.” Mirio kissed the side of her head.

 Eri couldn’t help it—surrounded by all this love, she broke into tears and clung to them. “I’m sorry, it’s all my fault—”

 “It’s not!” Izuku snapped. “Nothing is.”

 “But Mom and Dad—”

 “You’re fine, Eri, don’t blame yourself.”

 “And that guy—”

 Mirio pulled back and wiped her tears with his thumb. “It’ll be fine. I can deal with him. Don’t worry about it.”

 Bakugou growled and Eri glanced at him. Gathering her courage, she asked, “C-can he stay?”

 “Him?” Mirio stared at him for a long moment before bursting into a smile. “Sure, but we’re going to have to housetrain him.” He gestured at the room. “Can’t have this happen again, right?”

 Eri nodded vigorously. “Y-yes. I’ll teach him, I will! He can be good.”

 “What is he?” Izuku asked, taking a photo with his phone. He started to scroll through the internet, mumbling under his breath about different breeds of dogs and cats.

 A monster, Eri knew, but she kept silent. Whatever he was, he was going to be family now.  

[watchmegetobsessed]

The Long Way Home // Shawn Mendes - part 5

it’s been a long time since i last updated this series and i feel bad for abandoning it, but i really want to finish this one and i hope many of you will join into the story!

Summary: Shawn takes some time off during the summer, hiding away in a beach house at the hamptons to try to get over his creative crisis and all that happened in his life lately. He meets his at first sassy neighbor, Sloan Westbury, a former Disney star, who abruptly left her scandalous life behind a year ago. Hidden from the world they form a surprising bond, but Sloan has been running away from everything that’s Shawn’s life while Shawn finds in her what he has been looking for. Inspiration.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3  - Part 4

drabble list masterlist

I start to find my way around Sloan, figure out how to approach her, get her to talk and share her thoughts when we talk. I can see how she is holding herself up, probably because she is used to have all her comments get criticized by the media, something I’ve struggled with for a long time. She was basically torn apart before her disappearance, everything she said or did ended up on the tabloids, twisted into something fully different than what they were, but I want her to know that I’m not like them.

I want her to know that not everyone is cruel and that she can be honest with me.

Morning jogs and evening talks at sunset become our things. She is usually sitting on her deck by the time I set my feet out my house and I can’t push my smile down when I see her in the morning light. I manage to make her sing a few more times, but she is still shy about music.

One night, when she has her brother over I sit in front of my computer and search her up. A bunch of old performances and interviews pop up and I start checking them out one by one.

Young Sloan is so much different than the one I know now and it’s not just the aging. I can see how struggling it was for her to be someone she wasn’t. The clothes, the hair, the dancing and the songs, they now seem so far from her personality I wonder how she could survive for that long putting up with all of that.

The songs are the worst to be honest. They are so cheesy and over the top, clearly made to be played on repeat on the radio but not have any real meaning behind them. I’m pretty sure she had nothing to do with them.

But then I find a YouTube channel that was probably very unofficial and not made to bring her fame. There are a couple of covers and original songs, just her with a guitar in her hands in different settings, probably at her LA home and I can finally see her. That’s exactly what I see when I meet her in the morning, just in a more tired and shy version, but it’s still her. Her original songs are the best, but they sound like they lack something, but she was just probably too young. I’m sure she would be so much better at writing if she tried right now. Especially after everything she has been through.

I feel like a creep, sitting by the window in my living room that looks over at her place, waiting for her brother to leave so I can go over again. It’s around nine when the door finally opens and I see her walking out with a tall guy, his hair is the same color as Sloan’s. They exchange a few words at his car before he hugs her and sitting into his car drives away. I force myself to wait at least ten minutes before marching over to her deck and I’m surprised when the back door opens before I could even reach it.

“Oh, Shawn!” she chuckles nervously jumping a bit.

“I’m sorry, I just saw your brother leaving and I thought that… I mean—“ Suddenly, I don’t even know what I thought. I usually have an excuse to come over, but this time I just came to see her.

“I was just about to go and ask if you’d want to take a walk maybe? I’m sorry we couldn’t watch the sunset, Rob always outstays his welcome,” she shakes her head smiling.

“Sure! Sounds great!” I nod and we head down to the coast. “How old is your brother?”

“He is twenty-six,” she tells me, eyes fixed on her feet as they bury into the sand with each step.

“Does he come often?”

“Um, he tries to, but he just got engaged, they are house hunting and stuff, so he has a lot going on.”

“Oh, so he is deep in the wedding planning?” I smile at her, but she doesn’t seem to be too happy about the topic. “What? Do you not like the girl?”

“No, Lara is awesome, she is very sweet.”

“But…?”

“But their wedding is going to be this big thing, a lot of guests, some famous ones too because Rob is a music producer so he knows some people and I don’t know if I can make it through.”

She seems terrified and I feel bad for her. It’s obviously a big day for the family and she wants to be there for her brother, but the people must be a lot for her after her separation from the world.

I want to help her, but I’m not sure if she wants to reconnect with the world, however I know she can’t stay like this, alone, forever.

“Hey, I have a thing this weekend in New York. Just a short trip. Do you want to maybe come with me? You know, to come back to reality for a while.”

“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” she shakes her head hugging her body with her arms.

“And if I promise you won’t be seen or photographed? I have a great team, we can make it work!”

“Shawn,” she sighs and I wouldn’t push if I didn’t see it in her eyes that she do wants to change, just doesn’t know how.

“You know what? Don’t decide just now. You have a few days, think about it and we’ll get back to it. But I promise you I’d make sure that you feel comfortable.”

She doesn’t reply, just nods with her lips pressed together into a thin line before we wander over to another topic. But I truly wish she’ll consider the offer and I can show her that she doesn’t have to stay here alone forever.

  SLOAN

Rob’s visit frustrates me on so many levels. He brings the wedding up again, giving me a great amount of anxiety and I know he doesn’t mean to make me feel this way, but I just can’t help it. I’m happy that he came though, I got so occupied with Shawn lately that I forgot other people exist.

Shawn’s offer to go to New York with him threw me off the edge. It would be nice to finally get out of the Hamptons because as calm and quiet it is here I can sometimes get bored of it. I want to see the places I loved before, but I don’t know if I’m ready to be seen out, especially not with Shawn. I’m afraid we would get mobbed and I would lose it again and that’s the last thing I need right now, but the thought of traveling with Shawn is tempting.

I grew a liking to the guy. A strong liking. He seems to always know just perfectly what to say and how to act around me which is alone a very hard task, not many can do it. But him, he just nails it.

The next day we are laying out in the sand, soaking some vitamin-D in, he has a small notebook with him, scribbling lyrics into it with a worried grimace on his face. Pushing myself up I check the page out and I see crossed out lines, overwritten words and frantic notes on the side.

“It’s like my thoughts can’t get out of my head. I swear I have it here, but…” he places a hand to his forehead and I read the lines he kept so far.

“I think these lines are too crowded,” I say without even thinking that he might not even be interested in my opinion. “I mean if you want it to match the melody, you need less.”

“Mm go on. How do you hear it?”

“Well…” Grabbing his pen I start writing above his lines, my neat handwriting in total contrast with his messy words. “This one can come here and… maybe this one can be a whole new line. Like this.”

“And what about the melody? How would you put them together?”

I start humming and mumbling the lines, trying to find the way I imagined it until I finally hit it and Shawn bops his head. When I get to the end I just lie back closing my eyes, but the quickly pop open when he speaks up.

“Sloan, I hope you do realize you just heard the song without me ever showing you the melody to it.”

I think about his words and realize he is right. I just heard the song reading his lines without even knowing what it would be. It just rang in my mind and I sang it without even thinking about it.

“Oh,” is all I can say.

“I want to record it,” he smiles down at me and I just nod.

“You can use my version, if you’re asking for permission.”

“No, I want to record it with you. I need your voice on it.”

“Absolutely not,” I shake my head closing my eyes, determined to just go back to doing nothing out here.

“Why?”

“I haven’t recorded anything in months.”

“So what? It’s just for us, no one will hear it if you don’t want to show it to anyone, I promise.”

He is looking at me with those damn puppy eyes and I can’t process how a grown man like him can look so soft begging.

Long story short… an hour later we are squeezed into his studio room recording the song. It feels strange at first, I’m very anxious every time Shawn starts the recording and I keep messing it up, afraid of what he might be thinking about my voice, the way I changed his lines up and the melody.

“Look,” he stops the guitar looking at me with a warm smile. “Why are you nervous?”

“I’m not used to this, Shawn. Even before my disappearance I haven’t recorded anything for two months. I'm rusty, I keep fucking it up and I just… I don’t know. I’m nervous because you’re here.”

“First of all, you’re definitely not rusty. Second, everyone messes up. I once had to retake a song ninety-eight times, so don’t be nervous about recording especially because this is just for fun.”

I nod silently, looking down at my hands on my lap.

“And if you feel nervous because I’m here, I can leave,” he adds with a light chuckle, making me smile.

“No, don’t leave,” I say shyly. I can’t make him leave his own studio room. “I just…”

“You know what? I’m gonna just turn away so at least you can’t see my face,” he grins setting everything up for a new recording.

Putting the headphones back up I take a deep breath. When the guitar melody Shawn recorded earlier starts flowing into my ears he simply turns around in his seat, showing me the back of his head and I start singing.

I finally nail it. The notes are on point, I don’t mess up the lines and I don’t miss the rhythm. When the guitar ends Shawn turns around and his face is unreadable.

“That was… one of the best things I’ve ever heard.”

I can’t help but blush. Standing up he steps to me and stops right in front of me, my nose only a few inches away from his chest. His hands reach for the headphone and he slowly pulls it off my head, staring into my eyes.

“You have so much in you, Sloan. I hope to see all of it one day,” he quietly says and I stop breathing for a moment.

My body reacts out of instinct to his closeness, heart beating so fast in my chest I can hear the thuds clearly and I wonder if he can hear it too. His tongue runs through his lips and I think about how it would feel to have them on me.

I swear to God he starts leaning down when his phone starts buzzing and we scare away from each other.

“I’m sorry, I have to take this, it’s my sister,” he sighs grabbing it from the table and walking out of the studio room leaving me totally startled.

Did I just almost kiss Shawn Mendes?

 SHAWN

I have never wanted to be an only child before in my life. Aaliyah’s timing couldn’t be worse but on the other hand maybe it was a sign from the gods that I was being greedy.

I don’t know what has gotten into me, hearing her sing the song we kind of wrote together so perfectly just hit me hard. She sang to my heart and suddenly I felt like I needed to savor her. And the best part? She didn’t try to push me away, if that damn phone didn’t start ringing she would have let me kiss her.

After the phone call it’s not the same, she seems a bit distant, but not entirely, it’s just that the mood is gone.

I start to worry that I ruined everything between us when she says she doesn’t want to come on our usual run in the morning, but she appears on my deck when the Sun starts to go down and I almost hug her, but manage to contain myself.

“One thing I would miss if I left this place is the sunset. It’s not this pretty everywhere,” she tells me as we sit on the stairs, legs touching since there’s not much space, but I don’t mind it. I like feeling her physical presence.

“I think it’s pretty everywhere, just different.”

“Where was your favorite?” she asks turning to me with a small smile.

“I love the one I see from my place in Toronto,” I say thinking about the breathtaking colors over my favorite city.

We stay silent for a while, my eyes are fixed on the horizon as I watch the waves come and go. She is the first one to speak up again.

“I think I’ll go to New York with you.”

I look at her with wide eyes.

“Wait, are you serious?” A shy smile spreads across her face as she looks down at her feet, shoulders rising to her ears.

“Yeah. I talked to Olivia on the phone this morning and she convinced me that it might be a great idea. But I really don’t want to get photographed just yet.”

Her eyes are practically begging me and I know I have to do everything I can to make this trip as comfortable for her as possible.

“Of course! We’ll make sure it’ll go smooth!” I tell her with a huge grin because I’m so happy she eventually said yes. I wasn’t expecting her to accept my offer, but now I can’t wait to get on the plane and head to New York.

  I’m probably a real pain in the ass for Andrew when I tell him everything that needs to be done for my New York trip. I’m probably a bit too over the top, but I want to make sure Sloan won’t regret saying yes to the weekend.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to bring her out?” Andrew’s worried voice comes from my iPad, his face too close to the camera while I’m washing the dishes the night before we are leaving.

“Just… leave it to me, alright? I want her to have a nice weekend outside of this place.”

“So you’re not a big fan of the Hamptons after all?”

“That’s not what I said!” I groan. “She’s been here for over six months, I want to get her out and it’s a huge thing she said yes.”

“Shawn, I just don’t understand why you are so obsessed with her suddenly. I thought you wanted to be alone, that’s why you went there. But now you are inseparable with this girl who has the worst reputation in Hollywood.”

“Since when do you believe the tabloids?” I give him a look. “Yeah, she has a few mistakes, but she is trying to get her life back on the track.”

“And you are happy to assist her in that? Did you sleep with her or something?”

“Andrew, you are an asshole,” I say but he just rolls his eyes at me.

“I’m just saying that you have to be careful with her. You also have a reputation to look out for and I don’t want to clear the mess up if she ruins yours.”

“She is not ruining anything,” I sigh, fed up with his skepticism. Why can’t he just let go of this whole Sloan thing?

“Alright, but be careful with her.”

“Whatever,” I mumble totally ignoring him at the end.

I barely sleep that night, my mind constantly bugging myself, making sure I didn’t forget anything. I managed to have three hours of sleep which is bullshit, but I still feel wide awake when my phone goes off at five an.

I grab a few bites as breakfast and closing my bags I head to the backdoor to check on Sloan, but then there’s a knock before I could even reach the door knob.

Sloan’s nervous smile looks a hundred times cuter so early in the morning as her hands grip the handle of her suitcase tightly.

“Ready for New York?” I grin at her and she nods shortly.

“I guess?”

 SLOAN

I think about going back home about a thousand times before the plain touches down in New York. The ride to the airport, the people at the airport, the plain, everything feels like I’m doing it for the first time even though this used to be my life. I keep thinking that people recognized me despite my disguise, I have a huge hoodie on with a beanie and the biggest shades I could find at home. I doubt that anyone even remembers my face and Shawn keeps reminding me that no one knows who I am.

Shawn.

He is like my rock. He doesn’t get mad at me when I take too long in the lounge to gather my stuff, when I start rambling about heights once we are on the plane. Instead he always seems to know what to say to make me feel better and calm me down. The guy really knows how to deal with my problematic ass and he deserves everything for his effort.

And most importantly, he kept his promise. We got to the hotel without a soul knowing about our arrival and for that I’m so grateful.

“So, I have this radio interview this afternoon, but we have some time until that and later I thought we could have dinner somewhere,” he starts when I let him into my room and he walks in like it was his.

“Slow down, cowboy,” I chuckle plopping down to the edge of my bed.

“I just want to make the best out of this trip and I kind of already planned a few things out,” he admits with a nervous chuckle.

He really did put a lot of energy and effort into this trip so I promise to do everything he planned out. I wouldn’t have the heart to say no to him when he is so excited and he kind of got me thrilled too.

Before his interview he takes me shopping. He literally closes off one quarter of a mall so no one can even see who is there and he had a plan for leaving as well, making sure no one catches a glimpse of us. It doesn’t take long for me to let go of my fears, seeing how thoughtful he has been with this trip and I start to trust him fully on taking good care of me.

I don’t go to the interview with him, that would be too risky, so I stay at the hotel and go for a swim in the pool, take a nice shower and lie around, waiting for him to get back.

“How was it?” I curiously ask when he finally arrives.

“Just the usual,” he shrugs, doesn’t really seem like he is willing to talk about it so I drop it. “So, are you ready for dinner?” he asks, his eyes bright and happy.

It’s breathtaking. The restaurant Shawn reserved table at is at the top of a tall building, so you have an amazing view of the city from basically all the tables. And the best part? Just when we get the dessert the Sun starts going down.

“Shawn,” I gasp realizing he timed it perfectly so I could watch the sunset.

“I think a New York sunset is also in the top three,” he shyly comments while I can’t turn my eyes away from the view.

When I turn to look at him something changes in my heart. I don’t see him the same way like before. Shawn Mendes has brought the change into my life, something no one else could do in a long time.