#the story doesn’t really have room for that self discovery

[rockysledding]

Me four years ago making one of my characters autistic: oh man i hope i dont offend anyone, maybe i shouldn’t write an autistic character when i’m not autistic but like i’m not outright stating that she’s autistic she just has some of those traits is that okay?

Me now, post autism diagnosis: oh man i really gave that character all of the autism behaviours i was suppressing huh how did i not realize that

[turn3tifosi]

III. my love, my life

logan sargeant x girlfriend/ex!reader

you and logan have been dating since forever, and one day he realizes he doesn’t know himself without you.

series masterlist | main masterlist

There’s a look on Logan’s face, a look you instantly recognize. 

“We should break up,” he says quickly, as if afraid that if he said it more slowly, he might change his mind halfway.

His words hit you like a tidal wave, washing over your entire being. The world around you blurs as you focus on Logan’s eyes, the eyes that once looked at you with so much love and warmth. Now, they’re filled with a determination you’ve never seen before, a resolve that tells you he’s not wavering.

You swallow hard, trying to find your voice. 

“Logan, why? What happened?”

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. 

“It’s not something you did. It’s just... I need to find myself. I need to figure out who I am without us.”

You know that trying to convince him otherwise would be futile. You can’t control him, can’t make him stay if his heart isn’t here anymore. So, you nod, even though it feels like your heart is shattering into a million pieces.

“I understand,” you say, even though you don’t. Not really. But you respect his need for self-discovery, even if it means losing him.

Logan’s shoulders sag with relief. 

“Thank you,” he whispers, as if he didn’t expect you to take it so calmly. 

“I’ll pack my things.”

As he moves around your shared apartment, collecting his belongings, you sit on the edge of the bed, memories flooding your mind. You remember the nights spent talking until dawn, the lazy Sunday mornings, the way his laughter would fill the room and make everything seem brighter. He is your love, your life, and you can’t imagine a world without him.

When he finally zips up his suitcase, he turns to you, hesitating. 

“I’ll always care about you,” he says softly.

You force a smile. 

“And I’ll always love you.”

With a final, lingering look, Logan leaves. The door closes behind him with a soft click that sounds like the end of everything you’ve known. You sit there, staring at the closed door, feeling a hollowness you’ve never felt before. It’s as if a part of you walked out with him, leaving you incomplete.

Days turn into weeks, and you find yourself going through the motions, existing but not truly living. You see Logan’s ghost in everything—his favorite coffee mug, the sweater he left behind, the photos of the two of you still on the walls. Each reminder is a knife twist in the wound, a painful echo of what you had.

There are moments when you almost call him, moments when you’re convinced that hearing his voice will make everything better. But you stop yourself, knowing that he needs this time apart, needs to find himself without you. Loving someone sometimes means letting them go, even if it breaks your heart in the process.

You throw yourself into work, into hobbies, into anything that can distract you from the ache inside. Slowly, you begin to rebuild your life, piece by piece. The pain never fully goes away, but it becomes a part of you, a scar that reminds you of what once was.

You see Logan sometimes, in the places you used to go together. There’s always a moment of recognition, a shared smile that says, “I remember.” But you never approach him, never try to rekindle what you had. You respect his journey, just as he respected yours.

In time, you find a sense of peace. You realize that love doesn’t always mean holding on. Sometimes, it means letting go, allowing the person you love to become who they need to be. Logan was your love, your life, and though he’s no longer by your side, he’s still a part of you, a chapter in your story that will always be cherished.

[moongreenlight]

U already KNOW what time it is baybee!!!! WIP WEDNESDAY!

Been riding the Gaz high and this has been in the works recently (I wrote 2k words yesterday) so here's this!

Director!Gaz x Actress!Reader

Summary: It’s the mid-1970’s and you’ve recently made the unshocking discovery that it’s difficult to find good work acting. Lucky you stumble on the wrong opportunity at the right time!

You’re not dumb enough to fall for the advertisements in the papers looking for actors in ‘up and coming independent films.’ Not anymore.

After being burned so many times by ‘pay to audition’ schemes and sleazy directors only looking to collect videotapes of girls doing porno auditions, you gave up on that front.

But what’s the stipulation on extenuating circumstances? Like when you’re working at a bar a few blocks away from the community theater and a man comes up and sits at the counter all by himself.

He’s gorgeous and a sweet talker. Seems intent on chatting with you even though you really should be polishing glassware. And once he’s finally caught you in his snare, he drops a bomb that up until this point you’d only ever heard stories about.

He says he’s a small-time director and he saw you in the last production the theatre put on. He laughs and makes a lighthearted self-deprecating joke about being “one of those wankers in the paper” to which you wrinkle your nose and give him a weary smile.

But, Jesus, if he can’t make a bad thing good. He’s got all the makings of a politician the way he’s able to talk circles around you until you agree to show up to an audition for his latest project. ‘Trouble in paradise’ or something to that tune.

He tips you twenty pounds and his business card on a coke he barely touches. Uses your pen to write your audition time on the back of the card.

Wednesday at 11a. x

He doesn’t give back the pen.

Your roommates do no good talking you out of it. Hushing your half-arsed arguments about scams and serial killers and all kinds of things. It ends with the four of you in a pile on the couch, wine-drunk and giggling yourselves into hysterics.

So two days later you go. Forcing your roommates to promise no less than five times that if you’re not heard from in an hour that they’ll send in the authorities.

You find your way to the address on the card that now looks tired in comparison to when you first got it. The edges are fussy and dog-eared from your worrying with it and passing it around to prove its legitimacy.

It doesn’t look like any studio or office you’ve seen. Far from. And that should have been the final nail in the coffin. Should have been the reason you turned tail and went back home. But something pulled you up the worn steps of the house. That same something, now cowering a bit at the looming possibility, brought you to rap your knuckles sharply on the part of the door with a few different layers of paint chipped away to expose the cheap metal underneath.

You’re left standing on the stoop for a few moments too long with no answer. And just as you were about to come to your senses and return home with some sliver of your dignity still intact; the door swung inward and exposed the same man from the bar - Kyle - with his horrible, beautiful, toothy smile.

“Thought you were going to stand me up. Wouldn’t have known what to do with myself.”

You catch yourself thinking it’s a shame that he’s directing and not starring in movies. His devastating good-looks and all. Must be a terrible read.

There’s a card table set up in the living room. Two folding chairs behind it that look flimsy at best. Three thick packets that have been three-hole punched on the side, but held together by a binder clip in the top center.

The rest of the furniture is pushed up against the wall. A hodge-podge of mismatched chairs and a sofa that very well could have been your grandmothers and a few banged-up side tables.

He offers water. Offers to take your purse. You decline both. Opt to stand a bit stiffly on the faded rug in the center of the room with your bag tucked snugly under your arm.

Maybe you should make a run for it. Maybe you were stupid to come at all. He’s a total stranger for Christ sake.

Before you can will your feet to move, there’s s bang from behind you. A screen door slamming shut and rattling on its hinges. It startles you almost a foot into the air.

“Nervous?”

Kyle is cool as ever, sliding into one of the chairs, waggling his eyebrows at you. It whines under his weight and you’re suddenly very aware of just how bulky he is. Doesn’t look it on passing glance, but when all you’ve got to look at is the way his shirt fits it becomes glaringly obvious.

“Easily startled.”

You correct, trying to decide whether or not it’s passé to turn over your shoulder to find the source of the heavy footsteps behind you.

He hums and grabs one of the packets, taking off the clip and leafing through it. Pulling out a few odd pages and setting them on the table.

The footsteps reveal their maker when he rounds the corner into the room and shuffles behind the table. If you thought Kyle was big, this man is properly a behemoth. A bit taller, broader in the shoulders, a layer of fat packed on over his muscles. He looks to be older by a few years. He gets crows feet when he nods and smiles at you before taking his seat.

The chair looks as though it would be happier pulling its own legs out from underneath itself.

“Cap’.”

Kyle doesn’t look up from his papers when he addresses the man.

You get no formal introduction to ‘Cap’ though he doesn’t seem to be truly involved in the audition process. He barely glances up from his packet. Content to nurse a fresh cigar and lean further back in the chair than you think should be plausible.

You read from the stack of pulled-out papers with sloppily highlighted lines and try not to shy away from meeting Kyle’s watchful eye.

The audition goes normally, all things considered. You’re instructed to read three different scenes. Without the time to read the blurb on the project, you draw the conclusion that “Trouble in Paradise” is some sort of short suspense film centered around a woman living, shockingly, in paradise.

The writing isn’t first-rate, but you suppose that’s to be expected. You have a hard time piecing together how the scenes flow, but that’s not your largest concern.

“Lovely. Really, darl’.”

Kyle stands when he talks. Commands the attention even of such a small audience. Takes up space in the room like he’s owed it.

You smile, feeling a bit more at-ease now that things seem to be wrapping up.

“N’ how do you look in a bathing suit?”

The question takes you entirely off-guard. It makes your jaw fall far enough open that you’re left looking like a fish out of water.

“I- sorry?”

Kyle’s face doesn’t change. Fantastic at keeping up appearances. He’s still casting that warm smile over you. The focus of it makes you feel like you’re sunbathing.

“Bathing suit, love. How d’you look?”

Disappointment drops like a stone in your belly. Heavy and fast. It’s another scam. Of course it is.

“Oh. I don’t- I don’t do dirty movies.”

It must be palpable on your face even more than it is in your voice.

‘Cap’ glances up at Kyle when he ashes his cigar. The smell is nauseating. He seems to be chewing on a smile. Kyle meets his eye for only a moment, amusement painfully evident on his face.

“You’ve just read the pool scene. Hardly anything dirty about costuming.”

[bridenore]

HD Books / Writing fic recs

Here are a few drarry fic recs involving books or writing. Listed in alphabetical order, as always.

Annus Mirabilis by Ren [39k]

Harry and Malfoy are trapped at Hogwarts around the time the school was founded. Stuck with a different way of doing magic, with no chocolate, and with each other, they have to find a way to work together if they want a chance to go home.

Dear Diary by AWickedMemory [20k]

 // This can’t possibly go worse than the last time I kept a diary. // After the war, Harry picks up a journal to write in… and it writes back. Luckily, it’s not a Horcrux on the other end this time.

Faint Indirections by ignatiustrout [29k]

Draco Malfoy is the last person Harry expects to turn up in Boston, Massachussetts. But now he’s here, and he won’t stop requesting books from the library where Harry works.

He Who Must Not Be Normal by @letteredlettered [40k]

Potter has fame and fortune and posh clothes and all he wants is a simple life.  Draco has a flat and a cat and a steady job and all he wants is a complicated life.  Which makes you think this story has something exciting like body-swapping, but it doesn’t.  Instead it has Indian takeaway and a blue jumper and people wanting a whole lot of what they can’t have, discovering themselves as they discover each other. 

If We Were Honest by daisymondays / @gracie137blogs [26k]

Two years ago, Draco and Harry had a whirlwind secret romance that ended in heart-break. Since then Draco’s written a best-selling novel based on their relationship, but with one key difference—the characters get a happily ever after. Now Harry and Draco are reunited for the first time since their break-up, but can they rewrite their own ending?

Love Bites, Or How Draco Malfoy Learned to Let Go and Celebrate His Allure by @m0srael [50k]

Recently-turned Draco Malfoy is doing his very best to be a normal, productive, contributing member of wixen society. So far, he’s managed to keep his bloody little problem a secret, even from his best friends. But when the professional opportunity he’s been dreaming of finally   falls in his lap, he finds himself with much more than just a potential promotion. Will a profile on a new creature-exclusive dating app, a wolfy stranger who seems hellbent on liking Draco just the way he is, and a little self-confidence help Draco finally love himself and his newfound community?

Orion in the Sky by space_wingding [30k]

Draco Malfoy owns a bookshop in the Lake District. He’s also cursed. Enter: Harry Potter.

Per Solum Lacuna: By Words Alone by Azhure [560k]

A set of enchanted journals bring solace to two very unlikely lost   souls. Whoever said the art of penmanship was lost? This is a wizarding twist on the old fashioned art of correspondence (or the modern art of Internet chatting). What will happen when the mystery writers finally   discover the identity of their counterpart? Join this star crossed pair as they obliviously chat to each other; along the way learning about   life and love. Find out what will happen when their own voyages of self discovery lead them to the most unlikely of places. This is eventual   HP/DM, but other pairings for the protagonists along their journey.

The Price We Pay for Wings by Frayach [13k]

Books have the power to shape young lives. At least that is the hope of the anonymous author of a best-selling series about a Muggle boy and his best friend on the eve of a world war. But stories do more than just shape the future: they can redress the wrongs of the past as well. But only as long as it’s not too late…

Reading Malfoy by @femmequixotic [15k]

After thirteen years of hiding himself away in Muggle London, Draco Malfoy shows up again in the wizarding world–with a wickedly amusing memoir in hand. Harry doesn’t want to read it. Really. He doesn’t.

The Romantic Prawn Who Loved Christmas by @bixgirl1 [39k]

When Draco, forced into sharing a room with Potter for the year, finds out that Potter has a sleepwalking problem, he expects the odd conversations and the weird games of chess. What comes as a complete shock are Potter’s other activities…And why he seems so intent on having Draco join him. (Relax. It’s just like a holiday Hallmark movie! …With, uhm, sleepwanking.)

Sourdough by @academicdisaster24 [17k]

Draco writes romance novels and doesn't leave his apartment much. Harry bakes bread and sells it to Draco. Draco is quite weird. Harry might like that.

Sunseeker by @shiftylinguini [15k]

Harry is a struggling writer. Namely, he is struggling with: writing his next book, dealing with his agent, finding a decent tea strainer, fielding his friend’s concern over the aforementioned book, and figuring out who the cat loitering in his garden belongs to. He also has a slight liking-Malfoy problem. Okay, he has a massive liking-Malfoy problem.

Teach Me, Life; Guide Me, Love by @kiraohara [79k]

Revelations both painful and joyous set the markers in the path of every life. Thankfully, Draco has spectacular company for the journey.

Verba Volant by shushu_yaoi_lj / @orange-peony​ [34k]

The first letter arrives after the Trials. Harry unfolds the parchment and his eyes open wide when he realises who it’s from. He soon finds himself waiting for those letters to arrive, staring at the window in search of Malfoy’s owl. He wants to know more.

When It Alteration Finds by momatu [55k]

After the war, Harry left most of the Wizarding world behind and built a new life for himself in the Channel Islands. He opened a bakery and is happy with his life. Draco is a fiction author who writes under a penname, and he’s currently suffering from writer’s block. His agent suggests he try writing in a new environment and rents a cottage in the Channel Islands for him.

I hope you enjoy these stories as much as I did!

[yeen-meteor]

i love all of bridget guilty gear. i love her backstory, i love her portrayal in XX.

i love that she is a character that can be both. a trans, trans-ass transgendereded trans girl who is trans and is so, so extraordinarily happy to be living happy and free and cute and true and is giving all the trans girls a feeling of joy and hope that resonates. and also a statement of “the journey of self-discovery is worth venturing on even if it only leads you back to the place you started, because you’ll return with a new understanding of and appreciation for what it is about yourself you love to be”.

I love bridget as a statement of “phases are valid and healthy to experience”. i love bridget as a statement of “trying new pronouns doesn’t have to be a forever commitment.” i love a sheltered, confused 15-year-old going out into the world for the first time, experiencing freedom, and trying on He/Him for a while just to see if it fits, just to explore. It didn’t fit, long term! but people gave bridget room and support to really try, to really see how it felt to be a boy! and she found just as much support when she realized it wasn’t right for her and she wanted to try being a girl again!

bridget is the embodiment of “don’t crack eggs, build nests”. bridget is a winding self-discovery journey that she dictates for herself, while her loved ones give her support and patience and don’t push her or pressure her.

i love the reframing of GGXX bridget’s story that GGST presents. i love bridget. i love,

[fic-recommended]

Shyan Fics

more to be added, if I feel like adding

—————————————

I’ll Crawl Home – carrieonfighting

(16,024 words / 6 chapters / Teen and up)

Tags: Demon!Shane, Angst, Non-Linear Narrative, bc im PRETENTIOUS, Protective!Shane

"Shane was almost unnerved by how quickly he’d settled into this body, this name, this life - his friendship with Ryan was the most time he’d spent with any human before, and yet the man fascinated him."

Wow. That’s all I gotta say. I started reading Shane/Ryan fic because I had a weird dream and went looking for comfort fic to ease the edges of my mind. I stumbled upon this fic and was so fucking blown away. I was drawn in because of the demon!Shane tag and the way this story is charted out is insane. It’s nonlinear (there is a liner version tho I’m strongly against it). Just ohmygod read this fic it’s insane and hurts so good.

I’m Gonna Keep You in Love with Me (for a While) – beethechange

(21,847 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: fake married, also real married, friends to husbands to lovers to ???, Las Vegas Wedding, possible dubious consent due to alcohol consumption, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, Oral Sex, Rimming, just assume most of the kinds of sex are present here, probably more Celine Dion than you were hoping for, they say "fuck" a lot, also "dude" but I don't make the rules okay, Bedsharing

Shane is pacing around the hotel room. It’s not a huge room and Shane’s legs are long enough that he doesn’t have much real estate to pace before he has to swing back around for another loop.

“Can you stop?” Ryan asks. “You’re making me dizzy.”

“Okay,” Shane says finally. “Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re just going to—we’re going to be married. The only way out is through.”

“Um,” Ryan says, because this plan strikes him as counterproductive to their shared goal of not being married.

To me there are the big two when thinking of Shane/Ryan fics. That is to say the others aren’t amazing but two gutted me in a way I was not expecting from I ship I don’t even ship. This is one of the two and fucks sake it hurts me but in a way I really like and neeeeeded. (The other is the one above this)

Muscles Better and Nerves More – beethechange

(26,301 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: Bodyswap, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, First Time, Pining, Slow Burn, Masturbation, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Body Horror, Rituals, Swearing, Sexy Shame

“I’m serious,” Ryan says. “Don’t go fucking up my body. I want that shit back in the same condition I left it.”

“The same condition—Ryan. I’m not spending hours in a gym every day so you don’t lose muscle mass.”

“I want you to treat my body with the respect you would a national park. Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but memories.”

***

A certain meddling Voodoo Queen of New Orleans thinks Ryan and Shane need some new perspective on life. After an inadvisable ritual deposits Ryan in Shane’s body, and Shane in Ryan’s, the ghoulboys pursue some soul-searching and self-discovery to put things right. Sometimes in a sexy way.

I have found out while reading this fic that I am also a sucker for bodyswap!au. Something about learning to love someone completely while seeing (and being lmao) all of them is so intimate and endearing to me. Plus there’s dumplings in this fic and that is just sweet sweet poetry.

If you can find a way to love me, it’s all right – varnes

(11,232 words / 1 chapter / Teen and up)

Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Psychic Ryan

When Ryan was a kid, he fell into a pile of bricks. They were playing hide and seek, and he thought he had the best hiding spot: high up in a thickly lush tree, his knees drawn to his chest so that he’d blend in. But the branch broke. He hit his head and doesn’t remember much of what happened after that. When he woke up a few hours later, the sun was setting, and his friends were gone, and his parents were calling for him, their flashlights swinging across the grass. There’d been blood on his bangs.

Anyway, now he can see ghosts.

Kind of.

Look, he’s not great at it.

--

Or: Ryan, personally, has three lists: “NICE GHOSTS,” “GHOSTS I DON’T FUCK WITH,” and, “IDK, SPOOKY STUFF.”

Oh my goddddd this fic is so sweet and so owie. At first I was skeptical because the fanon is that Shane can see demons or ghosts or whatever. But having it be Ryan???? So owie in such a good way. Other then this fic being the masterpiece that it is, I’m going to convince you with one sentence: Ryan has a cat with a ghost in it that demands Taco Bell. That’s it baybee. Read it or you’ll regret itttt.

BFFS Get Married For A Week – Ryan and Shane – aspookycryptidsock

(18,108 words / 8 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fake Marriage, Friends to Lovers, Oral Sex, Hand Jobs, Pining, Mutual Pining

"As I was saying," Curly continues with a pointed glare in Ryan's direction. "It's my honor to join the two of you in unholy matrimony. The rules are simple, you'll live together, plan one date each, and cherish each other. Til week do you part."

I first read this fic years and years ago. I don’t know how it happened but me and my best friend found it while being at a library and we went feral reading it before their mom picked us up. It’s my origin story to the ship. This fic is my first love and my baby gorl. Shane is intense in a way I lovelovelove. Ryan is dumber then a pile a bricks amen.

Body Farming – shiphitsthefan

(7,251 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: Season/Series 04, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Shane Madej, Protective Shane Madej, Omega Ryan Bergara, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mutual Pining, Scenting, Multiple Orgasms, Knotting, Daddy Kink, Size Kink, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Filth with Feelings, Community: bfukinkmeme, Multisex Omega

Failed suppressants and a surprise heat: the worst of cliches, and here Ryan stands, living the trope on location with the alpha he’s hopelessly in love with. Even worse, they’re spending the night in the famous Bell Witch Cave, completely alone and with no way to contact the outside world.

Ryan knows he can survive and keep his preheat a secret, as long as Shane will stop being so protective and concerned. After all, it’s not like Shane wants to bond with him.

Right?

Your honor I’d like to state my case by saying being horny on main is bc I’m silly goofy and I never meant no harm. ABO fuck or die in a cave? Fuccck kkkk y e aaaa

Por Favor, Sweetheart – carrieonfighting

(7,859 words / 1 chapter / Teen and up)

Tags: Kid Fic, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Accidental Baby Acquisition, ryan dadgara, and shane dadej, Original Baby Character - Freeform, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, You Have Been Warned

Two dorks raise a baby and don't even realise they're doing it together until it's too late

Alternatively, Ryan Bergara is Trying His Best Thanks

Ryan gains custody of a baby and is strugggglinnnggg until a Sasquatch comes and helps <3. Ain’t nothing says romance baybeee then an actual baby.

daring it’s a faded notion – varnes

(28,760 words / 5 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Paranormal shenanigans, y'all remember that trope where people can't be more than 5 feet apart without Suffering?

The sun is too bright and Ryan’s whole body is alight with something that is eating him all the way up from the inside out, but he keeps his eyes open and he makes himself look, and he tells himself that once he finds Shane, he’ll think about it. Once he finds Shane, they’ll make a plan. Once he finds Shane, and only then, he’ll let himself have the thought he’s been swallowing down like bile since he came to: that they didn’t fall.

They were pushed.

OR: Ryan and Shane get cursed by a ghost, and now they can't be not-touching. It's ... not great.

Ghosties don’t like the no homo and said ummm yeeeeet!!! Into the Grand Canyon then the ghoul boys kiss???? Makes me go hubba hubba

Collide - needywitch

(35,310 words / 2 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Pining, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Falling In Love, Biting, First Time, Dirty Talk, Love Confessions, Rough Sex, Shane Madej Has a Big Dick

Ryan is desperately in love with his best friend.

Owieeeeeee. This one made me cryyyy. The prose of this fic along with a healthy usage of the word jaunty made this fic deeply emotional as well as made me want to cry when they kissed. Very excellent

A Perfect Piece of Ass, Like Every Californian - beethechange

(25,706 words / 3 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: entirely self-indulgent PWP, smut with feelings, Threesome, Birthday Sex, Oral Sex, lotta ball stuff here folks, so i hope you like balls, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Sexy Air Traffic Conducting, Vaginal Sex, Voyeurism

“Happy birthday, Shane,” Sara says. “I got you a Ryan.”

“Th—thanks?” Shane says. He looks at Ryan and Ryan just looks back, weirdly impassive, giving nothing away. “But I’m pretty sure I already have a Ryan in this model. What’s the return policy?”

“Not like this, you don’t,” she says, raising her eyebrows meaningfully. Out of the corner of his eye Shane can see Ryan bring his hand to his mouth, stifling a snicker that he turns into a cough. Oh, he thinks.

Oh shit.

I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that this fic is morally correct but Shane/Sara/Ryan fic is what I needed and it blew me away and it is the best smut thank you goodnight

[emmalovesfitzloved]

Last question, who are your fav downwolders and why?

Ahh… well it has to be….

The one….

The only….

💫Magnus Bane! 🥂

(Art credit: @cassandrajean )

Queue the music!

Now. Reasons reasons reasons. Where to begin.

I took my time thinking about this question bc there are quite a few downworlders I have an affinity to. But the showdown where it was REALLY hard to pick one or the other was the battle of the warlocks…

Tessa or Magnus.

On the one hand, I love Tessa So much (wrote a piece on why you can find here hehe) and I truly think she is a timeless character (well before she became literally timeless ie. immortal) and her influence throughout the shadowhunter world is iconic, relevant and enduring.

(Art credit: @giannyfili )

However… her choices and inner narrative became a bit clumsy dealt with and a bit inconsistent unlike Magnus’s, as the shadowhunter novels went on. Of course, characters are allowed to change, grow, develop at any age, but her character felt slightly manipulated in the writing? All for the sake of peddling the plot. Not to get TOO into the whole herongraystairs touchy topic but I do think as I’ve grown up and done over a handful of rereads I do spot the slight manipulation that started then, which kind of set a precedence in her character throughout. I adore Jem but he as well was felt a bit clumsily. Topic for another time.

Meanwhile Magnus, while through his own self discoveries and through his own immortalities feels more cleaner in plot. He’s necessary, vibrant, witty and is that character that you ALWAYS look forward to reading. He is That character that just lights up a room and you wait with baited breath on what he’s going to say next. His air of lightness that he brings into every interaction makes you be able to read and listen to him all day long. With long promises made of laughter, sage advice, experience, history and adventure.

“I've got a stele we can use. Who wants to do me?""A regrettable choice of words," muttered Magnus (City of Ashes).

And because of this, when he is being serious, his words strike you when you least expect it and leave you stunned.

“You endure what is unbearable, and you bear it. That is All” (Clockwork Princess).

His bisexuality was handled wonderfully, and was truly one of the first stories I think our generation read where the sexual identity wasn’t about coming out but already at the stage of acceptance and fun loving. He remains respectful and doesn’t want Alec to rush out of the closet but rather does the best thing- inspire Alec to be the best version of himself in life which is finite. That’s the best thing a partner can really do for you.

However he isn’t a Mary Sue bc in every series he stars in the reader sees his vulnerabilities in pure daylight. And also has a plot line that challenges his Yodha immortal dogmas. Will being one weakness of his in TID, Camille and how she mistreated him and being alone in a very sad world. I don’t think these topics were explored nearly as well with Tessa.

“You left me. You made a pet out of me, and then you left me. If love were food, I would have starved on the bones you gave me” (City of Fallen Angels).

And of course, his relationship and development with Alec is my top 3 relationships in all the shadowhunter world. It felt natural, wonderful, sizzling, exciting and steadfast. Didn’t feel too young or naive like I sometimes feel when reading Clace, but new enough to feel like the honeymoon will never end. And I think in part it’s because of Magnus bringing out the best in people, and how Alec chose him. Of all the people Magnus helps out, he actually doesn’t really ask much in return. But for once Alec did a double take on him and let Magnus take the reins of where their relationship will lead them. With great readership payoff 🥹💍

“You could give me the past,“ he said a little sadly. “But Alec is my future” (City of Fallen Angels).

(Art credit: kasirose)

In fact, he has SO much to offer we got standalones, his own mini series with his partner and constant features in further novellas stories. There is no other character in the Shadowhunter chronicles who has been that centre stage as him. And he deserves all of it.

Favourite Swiftie songs that r HIS:

• BEJEWELED

• Begin Again

• Welcome to New York

• You’re in Love

• Karma

• You’re Not Sorry

• Ours

• I Know Places

• You’re on Your Kid

• Castles Crumbling

• The Last Great American Dynasty

• The 1

• Hoax

So yeah the superlative for the best Downworlder has to go to the delightfully and wonderfully written…

Magnus Bane <3

(Art credit: kasirose)

So yeah! I hope the answer makes up for the wait @imabitchforjemcarstairs ILY! And thank you so much for the lovely ask!

P.s. if any artist doesnt want to be affiliated, kindly DM me and I’ll remove your lovely art and mention from the post :))

[chickenstrangers]

Intertwined Discoveries in He's Coming to Me

I keep coming back to the theme of discovery in He’s Coming to Me.

The series’ murder mystery storyline is intrinsically connected to the coming-of-age/coming out narrative. Med and Thun both spend the course of the series discovering their identities. The driving plot of the show is the mystery of Med’s death, because if he finds out how he died, he will be able to move on, but further to that, at the start of the show Med doesn’t even know who he is. He does not know his full name, he doesn’t really remember his family, he doesn’t know what he studied in school or what he was planning to do with his life before he died. He learns more and more about himself with Thun’s help.

Thun undergoes a different sort of self-discovery. His journey is one of coming to understand his queer identity. Med also helps him in this discovery, like Thun helps Med, as Thun realizes his feelings for Med, and also sees a gay man who appears more settled in his identity, perhaps acting as a role model. Even though Med has forgotten a lot, it does not seem like he ever forgot this fact about himself.

This isn’t to say that Thun had no knowledge of his sexuality before meeting Med. The show doesn’t fully delve into this, but I read Thun as having suppressed some internal understanding of who he was, but he wasn’t ready to come out and fully grapple with it. He expresses discomfort with the other guys on the basketball team, discomfort with himself. He keeps up a light-hearted joke with Praifah that they’re dating, which helps evade further questions and speculation (and mirrors in some ways Med’s relationship with Kwan, which allowed him to maintain appearances and fulfill his family’s expectations, up until the point where Med realized how much he was hurting Kwan, the same as Thun realizes that he’s hurting Praifah). The subtleties of Thun’s self-knowledge also read differently to me than Ohm’s acting as Pat, whose realization is much more sudden. Thun has been feeling something for Med for a while, but is still uncertain about it: “I feel good about you, but I don't know what to call it.” Even if Thun doesn’t really know, and cannot begin to describe it, that doesn’t mean the feeling isn’t there.

This also mirrors Med’s self discovery. Both characters have this knowledge of themselves to varying extents already, but it is buried, and they need to dig to find it. The show has both of them helping each other to do this. Thun especially is so determined to find out who Med is, to help him with this discovery, in a way that feels like outsourced desperation related to his own journey of understanding himself, as @ranchthoughts said. In some ways, it is easier to search for clues about Med than to acknowledge truths about himself. He needs to help Med learn who he is, and in doing so he slowly comes to terms with who he himself is.

Thun’s mother Kwan plays a vital role in both of their stories of self-discovery. Kwan is the first person Med came out to, back when he was alive. Even though he feels guilt over hurting her, she is still incredibly supportive, and helps him move on from that guilt. Kwan also helps them make the final connection about who Med’s family is, connecting the past and the future together.

Then, of course, we have Thun’s coming out, which is one of the most powerful scenes in the show. Again, Kwan is one of the first people Thun comes out to. I made a separate post after watching this scene, but immediately preceding Thun’s coming out, Kwan pokes fun at him for suddenly having such a neat room when he’s normally so messy, saying “Give me my son back” jokingly. This doesn’t feel like a coincidental throwaway line to me.

Put in direct relief with Thun coming out, it could be read in two ways. “Give me my son back” could mean give me back the son I thought I had, before I knew you were gay. Even if that son never really existed. As if the act of coming out, or being gay, fundamentally robs the parent of the child. The idea that Kwan might no longer see Thun as her son once he comes out. @waitmyturtles also connects this scene with Love of Siam, viewing HCTM (like many other series) as a responding to LoS. In LoS, the Tong's mother equates Tong and Mew being together as losing her son. This is a recurrent theme in queer media, and in real life. It is one of the worst-case scenarios for Thun in coming out, and something he is clearly worried about (“I’m afraid I’ll disappoint you if I tell you”).

But then there’s the other possible meaning of “Give me my son back.” Give me back, give us back the relationship we can have with each other if we’re able to be open with each other. Give me the son you really are. Taking his sexuality as part of his identity, and respecting and loving that part of him. This is the more optimistic reading, but it is the one that proves true in this scene. Kwan responds to Thun’s fear of disappointing her by saying, “You’re still you, right?” So Thun discovers this part of himself, and his mother discovers it as well, and even though it is new and important information, it doesn’t fundamentally change who he is. Thun’s queerness was always there, like Med’s own identity.

Kwan acts as a cornerstone for both Thun and Med’s self-discovery. She offers them support and love. Crucially, Kwan is one of the only people who can see Med in his ghostly form. She recognizes Med, as he is, just as she recognizes Thun. She sees them as they really are.

Kwan connects Med and Thun coming out to her directly in episode 6. She tells Thun about her friend, and how much she cared for him, signalling that Thun is safe with her. It’s also a way of connecting two queer stories, separated by a generation. I often think about @wen-kexing-apologist’s writing on generations and community in Our Skyy 2 [x, x] in relation to this theme in Aof’s work, alongside and in conversation with @waitmyturtles writing, and I think these themes are present in He’s Coming to Me as well, if a bit less overt.

Med came out 20 years before Thun does. He is more settled in his understanding of his sexuality, he doesn’t show the same overt anxiety that Thun shows, but at the same time he is quieter about it, perhaps in a similar way to Uncle Jim and Phupha. In some ways, the series demonstrates that a lot of society hasn’t changed: Thun has to deal with homophobia from the boys on his basketball team; he feels the pressures of heteronormativity that gives rise to his friendly/flirty relationship with Praifah. But some things have gotten better: Thun gets so much support from his mother after he comes out; his friends all support him as well. He’s Coming to Me demonstrates an incredibly empathetic and loving coming out scene, a hopeful one. And Thun recognizes this part of himself in Med as an older queer person, and perhaps this helps him understand his own identity, in addition to his feelings for Med.

Thun and Med discover their own identities and each other's in parallel. There’s a clear line between both of their discovery of their sexualities, separately from each other, and together, especially through the coming out scenes to Kwan. They help each other learn who they really are, both Med’s true identity and history, and both of their relationships with their queerness. They recognize themselves in each other. Their mysteries are intertwined.

[While writing, I was reflecting on fantastic HCTM posts such as @miscellar's writing comparing the supernatural and queer storylines in HCTM, @waitmyturtles' essay covering many of the show's themes, and @ranchthoughts' discussion of the role of inevitability.]

[khaopybara]

I have many thoughts about Be My Favorite since I started watching this show two weeks ago. It has been plaguing my mind in an absolutely not normal way. I’m making this show my whole personality and that’s something that hasn’t happened in a long ass time. With that being said, I just needed to put my thoughts somewhere... Does any of this make any sense or have continuity or understandability? Nah, but it was fun for me.

Pisaeng doesn’t get married to Pear in any of the new future realities.

This is wishful thinking but not really. Episode 5 I think showed us Pisaeng going through his whole self-discovery and acceptance of his sexuality alone (as in with no romantic partner to make him figure it out like @mikuni14​ explained in their post). Even with his mother being the woman that she is, who shoves her son in the closet while “supporting that community”, I think Pisaeng is sure of himself and mentally strong enough not to fall into heteronormativity and get married to Pear anymore. It would feel too dishonest to the character if that was to happen now that he said he knows what he is and that he isn’t the same 15 year old unsure kid. And also dishonest to Pear who said she knew he wasn’t interested in her and was only waiting for him to tell her.

Pear gets married to Not.

Am I happy with that? Absolutely not. Is it obvious that that’s the way the story will go? Also no, really. But there is something about their footage on the wedding party that gives me the impression that they are one getting married.

And that Max and Pisaeng are very close in the future too (hence why Max goes to Kawi’s apartment to scold (?) him about knowing why Kawi and Pisaeng aren’t close anymore.) (Am I hoping for them to be a couple in the future where there is no Kawi bc apparently Kawi becomes a jerk? Yes, but that’s not the point.)

Not is a scum bag and bully, and while I think that things might be changing for him in the past (because people are calling him out on his bs) we don’t know for sure how much he changes. 

Aye does say in the Be My Favorite Stories that we see Pear as this wholesome, bright and amiable person who we all love, but in future episodes, we’ll see that no one can be a complete angel and we’ll see a completely different side of her. Maybe that’s about her father. Maybe it’s about her work ambitions. Maybe that’s just something else entirely. I’m very curious to see her development in the story because she has been proving time and time again that she has the emotional intelligence of the group along with Max.

We know that Pear will also fight with Kawi at the wedding and Kawi gets physical with Not. Kawi has Kawi reasons to feel upset I’m sure, but I think it’s fair to assume that Kawi is crashing their party. In BMF Stories, we’re told that Kawi isn’t close/in good terms to anyone anymore. Not Pisaeng, not Max, not Pear, and not even Not, so why would he even be invited. I’m sure it’ll be a mess just like my thoughts on this wedding (s). 

Two (or more) timelines for the wedding party.

We have this Kawi that no one likes.

and this more dressed up Kawi.

Also this fabulous dress that I assume will be part of the story too and not only for dress testing purposes because Aye looks amazing (her dresses could also be different because one is for the ceremony and the other for the party, but I’m not sure how common that is).

Things in the future bad + go back to the present in panic

This has been brought up before, but it’s my favorite part of the BMF Stories, and that’s the moment when Kawi goes to/from to the future, but Pisaeng is in the room talking to him about his dad in the hospital.

We get the hug and the crying 

Meaning that things 10 years from now are shitty and he probably messed up big time. The director also says this is a big moment for Kawi when explaining the scene to Gawin. Watch how he reacts during the scene and try to comfort him in this moment, and all of that. 

Do we know exactly what happens? No. We assume that is shitty because he’s once again alone (but he has his fans because hey, now he’s famous. He has a career and prestige, but is it worth it if none of the people who matter, as in not only his friends but also his dad because I saw some people theorizing that Kawi’s dad will die regardless of what he does [and Pear’s father is not to be trusted] are there with him to enjoy his success?)

Now...

When the beach scenes happen?

When does Pisaeng tells Kawi that he’ll disappear from his life?

What happens to Dad?

What is Pear’s “dark side”?

And a bunch of other questions I’m sure will be answered with more questions as the weeks pass...

Be My Favorite might as well be one of my favorite shows that I’ve watched this year. Character driven shows will always have my heart, and it has been so fun to watch it. I hope we get a satisfying second half.

[doueverwonder]

Ok so GerAmeLietIta really intrigued me. I'd love to get a better feel for them, can you give us some headcanons or scenarios?

ABSOLUTELY

So anyway, in an rp I have as a side plot (yes you heard me this isn’t even the main plot of the story), but i think it can be kinda universially applied to how they got together.

we had AmeLiet and GerIta, Al and Tolys are married and I don’t even remember Ludwig and Feli’s relationship status but they were together.

anyway; along the way Alfred is like “haha yeah, I had a crush on Ludwig way back in the day” and someone (cough France cough) is like “used to??? USED TO???” bc apparently Al’s crush on Lutz is evident to this day. blah blah blah argument where Al is basically like “I can’t have a crush on someone else, I’m married and I adore the person I’m married too!!” And François goes “PLEASE I’ve been betting on you being polyam for YEARS”

it gets dropped for a few months until; Alfred holds his Christmas party everyone is more than a few drinks in and François can’t help but tell Ludwig about Alfred’s crush.

Alfred spends a few weeks freaking out, and even getting to the point where he tells Tolys about his century old crush. followed by a spurt of “maybe Ludwig was too drunk to remember what François said, maybe it’s fine”

another months or so passes: Ludwig was not too drunk to remember what was said. He just uh, well, he didn’t know what to say. Especially considering he was dealing with the same situation…

eventually Al and Lutz end up on a phone call, for four hours. Talking about the elephant in the room.

After talking to Tolys and Feliciano about it they end up on a date of sorts, all four of them. It's cordial and awkward, until Tolys gets tired of dancing around it leans over to Feliciano and they have this exchange "I hear your husband has a crush on mine" "oh! I heard the same about yours!" Al and Ludwig immediatly go beet red, they were not expecting that, it was so funny to rp.

Anywho, some conversation goes by somehow just stating it made everything go from cordial and awkward to casual and not-so-awkward. We find out there was some miscommuntion and uh, well, Feliciano somehow got the idea that they were entering a swingers arangment and was slightly disappointed to find out otherwise :(

skipping random convos; they're walking back to Alfred's house and Feli decides to make a joke about how he was excited to sleep with someone other than Ludwig; while Lutz is busy being (jokingly) offended Tolys gives Alfred a Look(TM) and they have this whisper convo

A: Are you serious?

L: I won't unless you're okay with it.

A: I guess I don't care?

L: you have to straight out say it's okay or I won't do anything.

A: Yes, it's fine. I really don't mind.

L: you sound hesitant

A: I'm not! I'm surprised! who are you and what have you done with my timid husband???

(heads I am not going through every single convo even if it is technically important)

So, Feliciano and Tolys end up, y'know. Alfred and Ludwig however end up sitting in the living room with their romantic tension, they talk and at some point play chess. It’s lovely.

so anyway, after that the dynamic goes AmeLiet and GerIta are in their original marriages still, Ludwig & Al are dating, Ludwig, And Feli are Tolys’ friends with benefits. (Side note that the running joke is Alfred is super ace and kinda aware of it but doesn’t call himself ace solely cause “I don’t have time for more self discovery rn”)

anyway, they all end up in a relationship with the confessions not even being confessions :\ Ludwig accidentally introduces Tolys as his bf once and is just never corrected. Alfred and Feli just simultaneously start referencing each other as being “my partner” (Feliciano is actually enby no I don’t make the rules). The only actual confession (disregarding GerAme) is LietIta :\\\ it’s very dramatic and comedic they’re standing by a pond under moonlight Feli is like “I have fallen for you, our love shall endure the ages, people will sing of it” “what about Alfred and Ludwig?” “Fuck I forgot about them”

anyway they’re goofy I love them, their favorite movie is 50 first dates they watch it together all the time :)

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

We’re Okay

Prompts: Can we get some Merlin figuring out he's aro ace stuff? or perhaps a story further in the future where Merlin knows he's aroace and understands it and has a qpr with Arthur. (And Arthur isn't with gwen bc i never really thought that made sense for either of them) I think whether or not Arthur is also aroace doesn't really matter to what i want to see, it just tells different sorts of stories either way. I'm more favorable to advisor merlin than court sorcerer merlin soooo maybe some of that :) no pressure, write whatever you like. - anon

Gwen figures out she's aroace and talks to merlin about it and tries to figure out how to break up with arthur (post uther death, pre lancelot resurrection). Self discovery! Self confidence! angst! knowing what she wants in life! huzzah! thank u for your time, i hope you consider writing this prompt.  - anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: internalized and externalized acephobia and arophobia

Pairings: merthur/arwen, queerplatonic

Word Count: 4382

The first time Merlin hears about it, he’s very little, young enough that most adults will forget he’s in the room if he’s quiet and doesn’t draw too much attention to himself.

The next time Merlin had heard about it, he was being very confused as to why his ‘crush’ on one of the girls in the village didn’t count.

It doesn't stop happening, but it does get better.

   The first time Merlin hears about it, he’s very little, young enough that most adults will forget he’s in the room if he’s quiet and doesn’t draw too much attention to himself.

 He’s on his mother’s lap, fussing with a scrap of fabric she gave him that almost has a hole worn into it where he likes to bite it. His mother’s hand smooths down his back every once in a while, as if she’s reassuring both of them that she’s right here after Merlin’s nightmares earlier in the month where he couldn’t find her. He’d crawled into her arms and bawled his little baby eyes out as she shushed him and ever since, he’s had to know where she is and she had to know where he is.

 The other adults cooed over him, saying how adorable he was, how responsible.

 “He’ll make a great husband one day,” one of them says, stretching their legs out in front of the fire, “so attentive.”

 “We’ve got a long ways to wait for that,” Hunith had said back, not unkindly, “let the poor boy be a boy before you start trying to matchmake.”

 “Come off it, it’s only fun and games.”

 Another one of the adults had laughed. “It’s no use trying to head it off, you know. Sooner or later he’s going to start playing with the other kids his age and then you know how insufferable it’ll get.”

 “I think when a few of you can get better and holding stable relationships with each other as adults, you can then start worrying about the kids.”

 It had prompted a good round of laughter and something about Hunith raising the smart ones before the conversation drifted elsewhere.

 Later, however, Merlin had asked what that man was talking about.

 “Oh, sweetie,” Hunith had said, “don’t you worry about things like marriage right now. It’s not something you’re going to have to think about for many, many years, and even then it’s only going to be when you want to.”

 “But what is it?”

 “Well,” his mother had said, choosing her words carefully, “when two people love each other very, very much, they can choose to make a promise to only love each other like that for the rest of their lives.”

 “But I love you, ” Merlin had cried, his eyes brimming with tears, “does—does that mean that I won’t?”

 “No, no, sweetie, it’s not that kind of love.” His mother had pulled him into a cuddle. “No, sweetie, there are different ways to love someone. Marriage is just one way of expressing a certain type of love.”

 “I’ll always love you,” Merlin had promised and his mother had hugged him tighter.

 “I know, sweetie. You’re a very loving boy. Of course, you will. I just hope you find someone who can give you all the love you share with everyone else.”

 2.

 The next time Merlin had heard about it, he was being very confused as to why his ‘crush’ on one of the girls in the village didn’t count.

 “But she’s hardly pretty,” one of the boys was saying, “I think the toads look prettier than she does.”

 “She’s not that bad,” another one had said, “she’s better looking than your sister.”

“Hey! Don’t talk that way about my sister!”

 Will had snorted. “Two minutes ago, you were yelling at us to not talk about how pretty your sister is. Pick one, why don’t you?”

 “I’ll pick you!”

 Merlin had scooted out of the way as the two boys dissolved into a brawl, cheered on by the others until some of the adults had spotted them and pried the boys apart. Will had made it out with a scuffed cheek and a bruised knee, the other boy with a few scrapes on his hands.

 All in all, not the worst casualties they’d ever faced.

 “But seriously,” Will had said as they walked home later that day, “ her? She’s not that pretty, Merlin.”

 “I don’t like her ‘cause she’s pretty, I like her ‘cause she’s clever.”

 “Clever?”

 “Yeah. She managed to do the full day’s work in half the time by training the donkey to pull the cart. That’s impressive.”

 Will had scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You sound like my father. Come on, Merlin, just tell me who you like!”

 Merlin had stopped in confusion. “I did tell you.”

 “But who do you like,” Will had stressed, only making Merlin more confused, “who—“

 He glanced around and leaned in close.

 “Who do you want to kiss? ”

 “Kiss?”

 “Keep your voice down?” Will had glanced around again and put his face right up next to Merlin’s. “Yeah, Merlin, kiss. Which girl do you want to kiss?”

 “None of them.”

 “Oh, come on, I’m your best friend! You can tell me. Wait, it’s not mine, is it?”

 “She’s not yours, Will.”

 “Not yet. Okay, wait, wait,” he had said quickly when Merlin made a face and kept walking, “okay, you’re right, she’s not mine. But is it her? I won’t be mad, promise.”

 “It’s not her, Will.”

 “Oh, thank god. I lied about not being mad.” He’d nudged Merlin’s shoulder. “Wait, so who is it then?”

 “None of them, really. I don’t want to kiss any of them.”

 Will had rolled his eyes. “You’re no fun.”

 3.

 The next time, they were older, and Merlin had suddenly been informed that people were looking at him.

 “What d’you mean, they’re looking at me, people look at you too, Will.”

 “But they’re looking at you.”

 “Just because you say it with a different voice and you stare at me like that doesn’t mean I’m going to magically understand what’s going on.”

 “Wait, can you do that?” Will had waved at his head. “Read my mind so you can see what I’m thinking?”

 “What, no!”

 “Pity. Would come in right handy in times like this.”

 Merlin had rolled his eyes and kept working, pushing up his sleeves so they wouldn’t get caught.

 “See? Look, look. ” Will had elbowed him sharply in the ribs, ignoring his squawk of protest. “Look over there.”

 Merlin had looked up, half glaring at Will, only to see a group of young women staring at them. They elbowed each other and whispered, giggling. He offered a bemused half-wave and then stared in surprise when they shrieked and ran off.

 “What was that all about?”

 “ That, ” Will had said, sounding a bit put out, “was you being a giant dunce. ”

 “I just waved at them!”

 “You scared them off, that’s what you did.”

 “What did I do?” Merlin had thrown his hands up in exasperation and his shirt had caught the breeze. “I just— Will!”

 Will had tugged his shirt down sharply. “For god's sake, Merlin!”

 “What am I doing?”

 “You—“ Will had taken a deep breath, seemingly catching onto the fact that Merlin wasn’t being purposefully obtuse, he genuinely had no idea what was going on. “Merlin, they think you’re attractive.”

 “ Me? ”

 “Yeah, I know, I’m shocked too.” Merlin had shoved him. “Alright, alright, god.”

 “Why do they find me attractive?”

 Will had stared at him like he’d grown two heads. “Are you serious?”

 “Yes!” He’d crossed his arms. “I don’t like them looking at me like that.”

 “You don’t?”

 No, he didn’t. It had made him feel like…like a piece of meat. Or a horse that was very good at hauling the wagons. Or a shiny piece of jewelry the merchant was selling. He hugged himself and hunched in, trying to make himself smaller.

 Will had awkwardly patted him on the shoulder. “It’s probably just your shirt.”

 “My shirt?”

 “Yeah. How tight it is.” He had tugged on it. “And how easy it flies up.”

 “Oh.”

 The next day, Merlin wore the baggiest tunic and trousers he could find and no one looked at him twice.

 4.

 The next time it’s made into a big deal is when Gwaine is three ales in and the rest of the knights aren’t far behind.

 Contrary to popular belief—and by this, he does very much exclusively mean Arthur—Merlin can’t hold his alcohol very well and, for this reason, does not drink that often. Which means that Gaius really needs to stop using that as his excuse for why Merlin’s not where Arthur can find him.

 Anyways.

 “Alright,” Gwaine announces, slamming the tankard down on the table, “let’s play a game.”

 “No,” Lancelot votes, “I would not like to play a game.”

 “Why not? You’re no fun.”

 “If you’re going to say I’m no fun anyway, I see no reason to explain why I don’t want to play.”

 “Oh, come on,” Percival sighs, “you know he’ll be insufferable if you don’t tell us.”

 “He’s insufferable anyway.”

 “That’s true.”

 Gwaine halfheartedly punches Percival’s shoulder—it barely does anything to the brick shit house of a man—and turns back to Lancelot. “Let me explain what the game is at least.”

 “Alright, fine.”

 “It’s called ‘Have Not.’” Gwaine sits up as straight as he can—which is not that straight, so he leans back against the wall. “You have to say something you think someone else at the table has done. If you’ve done it, you take a drink.”

 “Ah, a drinking game,” Elyan mutters, “however could I have seen this coming?”

 “Are you playing or not?”

 “Sure, sure, I’ll play.”

 The rest of the knights agree and then Gwaine turns to Merlin.

 Merlin shrugs. “Sure.”

 “Ah, yes!” Gwaine rubs his hands together. “Now I’ll finally get all the stories you refuse to tell me.”

 And so it goes. They learn that Gwaine has dangled headfirst down a well—not surprising—Elyan once lost a bet that meant he had to sleep in a full suit of armor as a child—helmet included!—and that Leon was the best at throwing tomatoes at prisoners in the stocks when he was a child.

 “I’m glad you weren’t throwing them at me,” Merlin mutters, inching away.

 Leon chuckles, patting Merlin’s shoulder. “It’d be like attacking a puppy, Merlin, I would never.”

 “Thank…you?”

 “Lancelot, your go.”

 “Alright.” Lancelot drums his fingers on the table for a moment before a small smile that Merlin’s come to learn spells trouble comes to his face. “I Have Not had sex in the past month.”

 Gwaine groans and takes a drink. So do Elyan and Percival. “That’s cheap.”

 Lancelot shrugs. “You didn’t say anything about not being cheap.”

 “No,” Gwaine says with a flirty grin, “no, I didn’t.”

 “ Incorrigible.”

 “Anyway, that’s my go, so…” Gwaine trails off when he notices the other three are staring at Merlin. “What?”

 “He took a drink,” Percival stage whispers.

 Gwaine’s eyes light up.

 “Merlin, ” he says, setting aside the drink—a first—and leaning forward on the table, “you’ve been holding out on us!”

 “I haven’t.”

 “You expect us to not ask questions? You never talk about yourself!”

 “Go on,” Elyan says, leaning forward as well, “what was she like?”

 “No.”

 “What was he like?”

 Merlin pinches the bridge of his nose. “ No, Gwaine.”

 “You can tell us,” Lancelot encourages only to raise his hands when Merlin glares at him, “what?”

 “It was fine.”

 “So it was bad?”

 “What? No. It was fine. She was lovely, it was fun, that’s that.”

 Gwaine stares at him for a long moment. “You’re an awful storyteller, Merlin.”

 “I don’t know what you want me to say! You lot sound ridiculous when you talk about your…exploits,” he says, ignoring the snigger at his words, “I’m not going to sound like that. It’s fine, sex is fun and all, but it’s not for me.”

 “Maybe you just haven’t had the right partner yet.”

 Merlin levels a glare at Gwaine that’s so strong the man actually looks like he sobers up a little.

 “Sorry,” he says immediately, raising his hands, clearly understanding he’s crossed some sort of line, “sorry.”

 Merlin sighs, taking another drink to cope with the idiots he lovingly calls friends. “It’s just not for me, okay?”

 “And there’s nothing wrong with that.”

 See, that’s the nice thing about Leon. He’ll say something with a soft note of finality and everyone will understand that the conversation is over.

 “Gwaine, it’s your turn.”

 “I Have Not spilled ale on myself in the past three minutes.”

 “You pushed me!”

 5.

 The next time it really comes up, Merlin almost has a heart attack.

 He’s just walked into Arthur’s chambers after Gwen’s left for the evening, tending to His Royal Prat’s every need so he doesn’t wake up the Crankiest Dollophead in Camelot, when he notices Arthur’s just standing in the middle of the room, frowning at him.

 “What?”

 “Why’re you still here?”

 “Uh…” Merlin gestures around the room at the mess Arthur’s made of his room. “Unless you’d rather clean it up yourself…”

 “I mean why are you here right now, ” Arthur stresses, taking a step toward Merlin and Merlin quickly decides he does not like it when Arthur is almost glaring at him and asking him questions that sound like daggers, “why are you in my chambers when you could be somewhere else?”

 Merlin’s hands tighten on the nightshirt he’s holding. “Do you—do you want me to leave?”

 He doesn’t think Arthur was in a bad mood. He was laughing when Gwen left. Did Merlin do something to piss him off?

 “Don’t you want to leave?” He doesn’t exactly want to leave, but he wants Arthur to stop advancing on him like he’s an enemy. “Aren’t you sick of being in my chambers night after night? What are you getting out of this?”

 Merlin’s blood runs cold and he almost rips the nightshirt.

 Arthur’s found him out. He’s found him out and he knows about his magic. He knows about the destiny or at least he’s very close to figuring it out and despite what Merlin says a lot of the time Arthur isn’t stupid, he’s very clever, and if he figures it out then he’ll ask Merlin and Merlin can’t lie to him, not about this, he just can’t, and then Arthur will find out and he’ll be so angry and Merlin can’t stand it when Arthur’s angry, especially not at him, and he’s going to—

 “Merlin? Merlin!”

 A strangled noise leaves Merlin’s lips and something grabs him by the shoulders and shakes. Hard.

 “Please—“

 “Merlin, calm down. ”

 “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t—“

 “Merlin,” Arthur’s voice says again, sounding frantic now, “ Merlin, calm down.”

 “I’m sorry— “

 “Mer—“

 Merlin’s knees give out and he collapses, huddling in a shaking pile on the ground. No fire, please, just no fire, he’ll go, he’ll cooperate, just please no fire—

 “Merlin,” Arthur’s voice calls, suddenly sounding soft and sweet and worried, “Merlin, come here.”

 He’s pulled blindly against something warm, something gentle coming up around him as his head is pushed into a shoulder. Something cards through his hair, runs warm and soothing down his back, something else rumbling against him.

 “Shh, shh, shh,” Arthur’s voice says again, “you’re alright. You’re alright, Merlin, you’re alright.”

 Ah. He’s being cuddled.

 “Yes,” Arthur encourages as Merlin’s hands come up to shakily grip his tunic, “that’s it. You just hold onto me for a moment, alright?”

 “A-Arthur—“

 “Yeah, Merlin, you’ve got me.” Arthur gives him a squeeze round the middle. “And I’ve got you. We’re just going to…sit here for a moment, yeah?”

 Sit. He can do that.

 An embarrassing amount of time later, Merlin realizes he’s being held in Arthur’s lap, his hands stroking through Merlin’s hair and down his back the way his mother used to. Tears are drying on his cheeks, his chest sore from panting and sobbing. Arthur, thank the gods, doesn’t seem to mind, rocking them ever so slightly back and forth.

 Dread sinks into Merlin’s stomach. There’s no way Arthur isn’t going to ask what that was about.

 Sure enough, a moment later, Arthur pulls back to look at him, but his face isn’t angry or smug, ready to tease him for being a petticoat. No, he just looks…worried.

 “What was that?”

 Merlin feels himself flush. “…got scared.”

 “Scared? Scared of what?” When Merlin looks away, Arthur breathes in sharply. “Of…me?”

 He wants to say no. He really wants to say no. Reassure Arthur that it wasn’t him, that he’s just a wimp, just like Arthur always says, it’s been a long day, he’s tired, he’s off his game.

 But he’s taken too long.

 “I see,” Arthur says, quiet and quietly devastated, “I’m sorry.”

 “It’s not your fault.”

 “Isn’t it?”

 “You…you just got in your attack…thing,” Merlin says lamely, “and it…it didn’t feel good.”

“No, I suppose it didn’t.”

 After another moment when Merlin really should say something, or do something so they can get out of this situation, Arthur’s hand coaxes his chin up.

 “I just meant…well, I meant that you probably want to spend your nights in the company of someone you enjoy rather than cleaning up after me.”

 Merlin frowns. “What?”

 “Come on, Merlin,” Arthur says, smiling a little now, “you can’t tell me you’d rather spend your nights here picking up my laundry than with a beautiful woman, can you?”

 Oh, no. No, no, no, no, he’s not having this conversation. “That’s not—I—I don’t—“

 “Or a handsome man,” Arthur says quickly, “I don’t care.”

 “That’s not—wait, you don’t?”

 Arthur gives him a look. “No, Merlin, I don’t care who you choose to bed.”

 Something in him softens.

 “Is that what worried you?”

 Like…yes, but also no. “Not really.”

 Arthur scoffs. “Well then what is it? You can’t really prefer—“

 “What if it’s no one?”

He pauses. “What?”

 “You said you don’t care who I choose to bed,” Merlin repeats, looking away and bringing his hands into his lap to fiddle with the hem of his tunic, “what if it’s no one?”

 Arthur’s quiet for a moment and Merlin braces himself. You’ll understand later, come on Merlin you can tell me, that’ll change when you meet the right person. He’s heard it all before.

 What he isn’t expecting is for Arthur to let out a slow breath. “Merlin, look at me.”

 Merlin doesn’t.

 “Merlin,” Arthur says again, hand on his face, “come on, look at me, please.”

 And gods damn it all, he will always listen when Arthur says please like that.

 “There you are,” he murmurs, smiling, “no, Merlin, I don’t care.”

 “You…don’t?”

 “No. You can choose to do—or not do—anything you like. That’s your business.”

 Merlin worries a loose thread in his fingers. “Even if I never want to…get married and any of that?”

 “Even if you never want to.” Arthur pulls him a little closer. “You always have a place here, I don’t care if you never want to get married or have a bed partner or anything. You’re Merlin, you are the way you are, and that’s that.”

 …don’t cry again, whatever you do, don’t cry again, don’t—

 “Oh, you big baby,” Arthur says, gentle tone taking all the bite out of his words, “come here…”

 He thinks, as Arthur holds him on the floor of his chambers, laundry still strewn about them and the bed unmade, that there isn’t anywhere he’d rather be right now.

 +1.

 “Merlin?”

 Merlin turns around to see Gwen reaching out to grab hold of his shoulder. He pauses, letting her catch up and turning to face her. “Yes?”

 “Can I speak to you for a moment?”

 “Yeah, yeah, sure.” He moves them into a side room where no one goes and closes the door. “What’s going on?”

 Gwen doesn’t say anything for a moment, twisting her hands into her skirts and then out again, before she blurts out: “I don’t want to get married.”

 Merlin blinks. “Oh. Alright. Er, has Arthur asked you?”

 “No, but he’s going to.”

 “He is?” Funny. In all the things he’s heard from Arthur rants about Gwen, that’s never been one of them. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t know anything about it.”

 “That’s not—no, I don’t think he’s going to ask me soon, or at all—I’m being presumptuous, but at some point someone’s going to ask me.”

 “And you…don’t want to say yes?”

 Gwen nods, resolutely staring out of the window and not at Merlin. “I don’t want to marry, Merlin. Not that I don’t care for Arthur, I do, I really do…”

 “But you don’t want to marry him,” Merlin finishes when she can’t, reaching out when she nods somewhat miserably, “it’s alright, Gwen, he won’t make you do something you don’t want to.”

 Gwen’s quiet for a beat too long.

 “…Gwen?”

 “I think I upset him,” she mumbles.

 “What?”

 “A few nights ago, he….he asked me to…to…”

 Ah. “…share his bed?”

 Gwen nods, still avoiding eye contact. “And I said no.”

 Merlin nods, before he realizes that Gwen thinks she’s upset Arthur. “Did he do something? Did he say something to you? I’ll go talk to him, make him see—“

 “No, no,” Gwen says quickly, finally looking at him, “no, he was lovely. I said no and he nodded and kissed me goodnight and offered to walk me home. That was it.”

 Merlin lets out a sigh of relief. “So why do you think he’s upset?”

 “Well…isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?” She goes back to fiddling with her skirts. “I know…I know women aren’t supposed to want that the way men do and maybe he’s just being respectful, but—“

 “Gwen,” Merlin says firmly, “firstly, women are allowed to want sex just the same as men are, and second, it is perfectly alright if you don’t want sex.”

 Gwen looks up at him. “…really?”

 “I mean, I’m not a woman—“ Gwen snorts— “and I’m not…I’m not like you, I’m not from here, so I don’t know what it’s been like for you, but…no, Gwen. Women are allowed to want sex just as much as men are, and it’s also alright if you never want to have sex.”

 “I’m not sure Arthur will see it the same way.”

 “He will.”

 “How can you be so sure?”

 Merlin hesitates, before deciding that this is Gwen and he wants to share everything with her, “because he did for me.”

 Gwen’s eyes widen as she stares at him, before she slowly reaches for his hands. “You’re…you’re like me?”

 “Yeah, Gwen, I’m…I’m like you.”

 Gwen’s face lights up and she laughs in disbelief, before pulling Merlin into a tight hug. “Oh, Merlin, thank you for telling me, I feel so much better now.”

 “Hey, you’re my best friend, of course I’d tell you.”

 Gwen pulls back, shaking her hair out of her face and pushing back her shoulders. “Right, then. I…have some things to think about. And I should tell Arthur.”

 “When you’re ready,” Merlin says, “and not a second before.”

 “Right.” She looks up at him. “Thank you, Merlin, truly. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for.”

 “So are you.”

 The two of them exchange another hug before they have to get back to work. As it turns out, Gwen is far more sure of herself in coming up with plans than Merlin is, and by the end of the day she’s told Arthur and that she wants some time to think about how their relationship is going to change.

 Merlin can’t stop grinning with how proud he is until Arthur tosses a boot at him.

 “At least I won’t have to worry about interrogating potential partners,” Arthur grumbles good-naturedly as he sits back at his desk.

 “I don’t know,” Merlin says as he idly fixes the bedcovers, “she might still find someone she wants to be very close with for the rest of her life. A life partner, just…not a married one.”

 “Mm.”

 “Maybe I’ll find one too.”

 Arthur snorts.

 “Hey,” Merlin says, indignant, “maybe I want one.”

 Arthur looks up from his desk, considering him for a moment, before he gets up and slowly walks across the room, standing in front of him, still silent.

 “What,” Merlin says, “maybe I do. Maybe I want someone to spend the rest of my life with, someone who I care about and who’ll care about me.”

 Arthur slowly reaches out and cups Merlin’s face in his hands.

 “What?” Merlin frowns. “Just because I don’t want to marry and bed someone doesn’t mean I don’t want someone in my life to be fond of.”

 Arthur raises an eyebrow.

 What is he doing? Merlin’s just talking about how he wants someone to grow old with, someone he cares about just as deeply as any married couple could but in his own way, someone who he’d live and die for and someone who would do the same for him, someone who—

 Oh.

 Oh.

 Arthur chuckles as Merlin’s face goes slack with realization, leaning forward and gently kissing his forehead.

 “Idiot.”

 Only Arthur could be so brazen as to turn the insult into a pet name, Merlin thinks hysterically as his hands come up to shakily cover Arthur’s.

 “So you…you…”

 “Mine,” Arthur says, gently yet firmly when Merlin can’t get his words out, “my Merlin.”

 “…yeah, alright.”

 Now, if only the reveal about his magic goes this well. Surely Arthur can’t know about that already too, right?

[hugespace]

Last week I decided to revisit my WIPs and @becausethathappens wanted to know more about one of them - “Find Yourself, Lose Yourself”, which has been sitting in my drafts since August 2021.

Now, I can’t really take credit for the idea behind this fic, I’m pretty sure I saw someone saying they’d like to read a story about R&L exploring gay bars together but for two different reasons and I just decided to try writing said story; the problem is though - that was nearly 2 years ago, and I absolutely cannot find that post/comment now. So, if anyone reading this happens to remember who first came up with it, please let me know, as I’d like to give them credit. (And if someone else already wrote a story like that - also let me know, and I’m sorry! I wasn’t keeping up with new fics while on my hiatus, so I might have missed something!)

I only managed to write 3 chapters back then, and I’m just posting the first one for now.

***Find Yourself, Lose Yourself***

Rhett finds himself having to come to Link’s rescue one night, when his friend’s journey of self-discovery becomes a bit too much for him. He promises to be Link’s moral support from that point on, but will there be consequences?

***1,2k***

An unpleasant and aggressive sound pulls Rhett out of his sleep with a gasp. He has been dreaming about something he can’t remember now; the end of the dream was too sudden. For a second, his brain feels cloudy, he doesn't know what is happening. The initial confusion associated with abrupt waking up goes away quickly, however; he's in his bedroom, where else could he be. It's dark, clearly still middle of the night, and the only source of light is the ring of bluish glow around the downturned screen of his phone laying on the bedside table. Phone, which is vibrating furiously, almost like it's trying to free itself and fall to the floor. So that's the sound, his brain finally catches up.

Rhett quickly picks it up, glancing at Jessie, who is thankfully still peacefully sleeping next to him, arms hugging a pillow and mouth open. He looks at the screen - unknown number. Then the time - 2:13 am. Who could be calling him at such an hour...? He briefly considers declining the call, but an uncomfortable feeling in his gut makes him reconsider. What if it's an emergency? His wife is next to him, both sons in their rooms, but there's still his parents, and brother, and- And Link, he realises, recognising the 818 area code in front of the number. He has to pick up.

Rhett quietly gets up and leaves the bedroom, simultaneously pressing the green symbol on his screen. "Hello-?" he gently closes the door behind him and shuffles towards the door to the backyard in the dark. "Mr. McLaughlin?" a male voice inquires in return, slightly drowned by a distant sound of music in the background. "Yes...? Yes, that's me. Who's calling?" "Brad Whittler, I'm here with your- friend? Charles. He gave me your number to contact you, so you can get him, I don't think he's in a position to drive." It takes Rhett a moment to comprehend the stranger's words. Charles...? Does he know anyone…? OH. LINK.

His heart speeds up so abruptly and with such a force, Rhett feels like it might want to jump out of his ribcage. “What happened-?! Is he hurt...?” “No, no...” the tone of the voice is casual, not filled with concern, Rhett thinks. “He's not hurt, not physically, at least. He's having a pretty bad panic attack, though.” Rhett’s imagination is getting ahead of him, trying to complete what he's hearing. Was Link in an accident...? Is he at a hospital? Did something happen to someone else? “And he might be kinda drunk to be honest.” the man on the other side of the line adds after a few seconds, cutting right through Rhett's racing thoughts. Drunk...? What the hell? “I- Where is he? Where should I come?” “Bullet Bar, do you know the address?” He doesn't, he’s never heard of that place. What was Link doing there, anyway? It was obviously a bar, that much was in the name, but neither of them were ever really big on pubs, and certainly not in the recent years. Rhett switched to speaker and wrote the address given to him by the man in his notes' app, thanking him for the information and promising to be there as soon as possible. The navigation showed him he was in for a ride to Burbank, a different side than the studio, but still around 35 minutes away.

Rhett went back up to he and his wife's bedroom and gently shook her shoulder, trying to wake her enough to let her know what's going on. "Jessie? Baby." "Hmm...?"Jessie opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times, trying to get used to the darkness and to being awake in the first place. "I got a call, Link's somewhere in Burbank and needs me to get him." he spoke in a soft voice. "Don't worry, I think he's fine, I don't know much, but he's not hurt in any way" he added, seeing the sudden alarm in Jessie's eyes. "Do you want me to go with you?" she asked, pushing herself up on her elbows. "No, no, thank you. Go back to sleep, he's okay, it's not an emergency or anything. I'll let you know once I've got him, okay?" Rhett leaned down to leave a kiss on Jessie's forehead. "Are you sure...?" "Yeah, yeah, absolutely." Jessie didn't seem entirely convinced, but she laid back down and asked him for a promise to call her and tell her if everything was alright as soon as he was with Link. Rhett gave her another kiss and jogged out of the room, only grabbing a pair of sweats and a hoodie on his way. He quickly put them on, pocketed the phone, his wallet, and a set of keys, and rushed to the car.

The night was relatively cool, and the streets were calm despite it being a weekend. Rhett had to really control himself not to start speeding, his need to be there as soon as possible and find out what the hell happened was strong, and the fact that the roads were so empty made fast and reckless driving rather tempting. Wouldn't bring anything good if he got in an accident though, he reasoned, trying not to exceed the speed limit. Without any external distractions from other cars around him or sounds of people going about their daily lives, Rhett's brain quickly occupied itself with more or less probable scenarios and mind-boggling questions regarding Link's whereabouts and the reasons for his panic attack. In his rush, he hasn't even checked what that place was, it occurred to Rhett. He only put the address in the navigation and followed the directions.

He would find out soon, he realised, hearing his phone tell him to drive another 5 miles straight ahead and then turn right to reach his final destination. The part of Burbank he was now in seemed to be significantly livelier than what he drove by on his way there. Colourful neon signs on both sides of the street illuminated the sidewalks and people standing or walking on them – numerous party-goers smoking, drinking, talking loudly and animatedly.

"Your destination is on the right." the navigation declared all of a sudden, in its dry and emotionless tone of voice. Rhett slowed down and quickly glanced at the place he was supposedly trying to find. It was indeed a bar, or maybe a nightclub. The building looked innocuous, a bit shaggy even – with black walls with grey brick peeking out from underneath bits of chipping paint, and a simple red sign above the door. He parked his car in front of it, not caring about doing a good job of it, and as he was starting to reach for the handle to get out of the vehicle, he noticed something that has somehow slipped his attention when he first looked at the building. A big rainbow flag was stuck in a flagpole on top of the building and moving slightly in the wind. He brought his eyes back to the sign on the front of the bar and then opened his notes app to make sure he was in the right place. He was. He looked around and spotted another sign, standing next to the building and proudly declaring "Bullet Bar - 40 years of gay haven in Burbank!”

Was Link in a gay bar?

***

More disclaimers! The Bullet Bar is a real gay bar in Burbank, I know nothing about it though, apart from what it looks like and that it’s been around since the 80s. I just wanted it to be a bar that’s not in WeHo or some other extremely busy place. (And also, I promise Rhett has a legitimate reason to be surprised by Link’s whereabouts, not just “why would he be in a gay bar”)

[flamingtunapictures]

Honest "Death’s Door" Review - *7/10*

Tl:dr - A good game that delivers a challenging and polished souls-like gaming experience, however its choices in story/world building; repetitive dungeon structure; and lack of simple navigational tools detracted from a thoroughly enjoyable adventure for me.

The Good Things About Death’s Door

Overall Presentation - A clean, polished game with well developed systems and beautiful art. Combat is challenging but not impossible, and visual style is graphic and engaging without being too juvenile. Characters are fun with a good balance of gritty and whimsy.

Music - Wonderful soundtrack. Each area boasts a variety of fun thematic instruments. I found tunes and arrangements very reminiscent to Okami.

Gameplay - Challenging combat that rewards patience, with a variety of ranged and melee weapons a player can interchange fluently in battle to fit their personal fighting style. Puzzles are balanced, never crossing into so-hard-lose-interest territory. The game can be 100%-ed in a reasonable time without guides if one chooses to do so.

Despite my initial impression, the shrines were also fun riddles to solve. I loved the local pub's “hearsay” method with “Jefferson” at the Sunken Sailor. It was a fun touch of flavor and helped make the shrines feel tangible.

3 major criticisms for Death’s Door

(-.5 point) Game progression is extremely linear and dungeon structure lacks core differentiation. Each dungeon’s objectives are structured the same way: you explore an area and fight through mini-boss rooms to free 5 crow souls. These unlock the next power upgrade via almost identical combat challenges. This is followed immediately by ascension to the final stage of a dungeon; concluding with the boss fight. While each dungeon offered their own unique puzzles and layouts, the lack of variety in objectives started to feel more like a checklist than an exciting opportunity for discovery. It’s worth noting as well, the game is linear (Urn Witch > Frog King > Betty) as each previous level provides you with a necessary upgrade to access the next challenge.

(-1.5 points) The lack of a map made the experience of exploring vast areas (extremely) frustrating. This frustration was exacerbated in the world-scouring post game collect-a-thon. The fact that a map was not even an option was incredibly infuriating to me. I understand the creators of the game declared their creative choice “promoted as organic of a gaming experience as possible,” and aligned themselves further with the “souls-like” label, however it does not feel like an infallible decision. Take Hollow Knight as a compare and contrast. Maps were provided throughout the game but the player was also given the choice of how much they wanted to engage with, or take advantage of the map. Maps had to be purchased, making it entirely possible for a player to forgo it completely if they chose to do so. There was also a balanced trade-off of forfeiting an equipment slot to attach the Wayward Compass charm for effective use of the map. Death’s Door doesn’t even give you the option.

(-1 point) The game’s narrative feels a little hollow, lacking in any commendable character depth or motivation. Essential world lore is also delivered too late, is confusing, and detracts from the drama’s overall impact. I finished the game feeling underwhelmed by the plot despite the game’s (self)positioning as a prolific drama. (Spoiler Alert)

I found myself floundering to feel anything for the final act, or to really make sense of the world’s logic and lore between the end of act 2 and beginning of act 3. From what I understand (having 100%-ed the game) the world, since coming under the rule of the current Lord Of Doors, became a place of stagnation… Most, if not all (?) creatures were living unreasonably long lives (past their “due dates”) because the Lord of Doors cut off death itself from the worlds, and subsequently the Crow Commission (who had assumed Death’s role of reaping souls). With no no one reaping souls, nobody was actually dying? But then why was the Grey Crow aging with the threat of death looming over him? Or why did all the crows who got cut off from the commission die? Or how were the free-crow’s movement for that matter, that promoted the natural order of embracing death, actually fulfilling their own creed? I should not be this confused or have this many questions at the explanation of the state-of-the-world after playing the game for 20 hours.

Secondly, many of the significant “reveals” in the 3rd act felt rather underwhelming. Starting with the “Free Crows” movement (a tropey rebel group that “fights the system”). Their presence and justification provided almost all the context to the world’s supposed stagnation. Thus, their late-game reveal (almost the end of act 2) caused me to completely reevaluate and question if I had understood anything from the soft world-building up to that point, and not in a good way. Their motivations felt rather generic as well, and lacked any kind of originality or robustness. Additionally, the pacing between defeating the Grey Crow and the sudden “call-to-arms” from the Free Crows felt very jarring and like the story was just trying to quickly wrap things up. It did not feel very justified.

Death’s reveal was equally underwhelming. His reveal should have felt like a reward for the arduous efforts it took to open his door. His reveal should have left me feeling like I finally had answers… but because I was not aware the world was supposedly “stagnated” (?) until moments before I encountered him, his presence felt confusing, and a little insignificant to me.

As for the final two bosses, the Grey Crow and the Lord of Doors, another reviewer captured the narrative's failure best: It felt like the story was telling me to care about these characters more than actually giving me substantial experience with them to want to care about them. I found myself not caring about the final boss’ motivations and just wanted to finish the game. 

All these things considered, it really boils down to me not finding the lore of this game’s world particularly compelling.

Even the “truth” revealed after completing the post game did not feel like it added any significant detail or insight into the story. For how much effort it demanded to unlock, it was another narrative disappointment.

One exception exists however with the Gravedigger. He was by far the most compelling character. His sad story was the only one that drew an actual reaction from me when I realized just who “Monty” was (hint, look at the shiny-thing locket you find). His final battle was the most satisfying and his emotional departure felt wonderfully delivered.

In conclusion, Death’s Door is a quick (10-20 hours, including post-game) adventure challenge that offers a polished gaming experience, pleasant visuals, and catchy soundtrack. Combat will leave you gnashing your teeth if you don’t employ a little patience, solidifying its position as a “souls-like” game. I would definitely say it’s worth your time if you enjoy games like that. If you’re looking for a more compelling world-lore, convicting story or just better navigation support however, I would recommend something like Hollow Knight instead.

[sga-owns-my-soul]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 🤍

omg i love this and you for sending this to me!! thank you!!!

Like him and John had found their own special, unique thing, hidden away from the rest of the universe. Their own secret discovery, too beautiful and precious to share with anyone else.

this one is the first fic i ever posted on ao3 and it holds a very special place in my heart, it's my actual personal headcanon for john and rodney's relationship (yes i know i'm a die hard mcshep fan and i always will be but they aren't actually in a canon romantic relationship in the show and this fits with that so fight me)

In the Pegasus galaxy, there’s many stories that are told. Stories of ancestors, and of the past. Stories of the stars and the skies, stories of good and bad. This story is about a scientist. They say he creates miracles, saves lives; some even say he’s one of the Ancestors themselves. But the scientist doesn’t only bring good.

i'm a sucker for anything that includes john and rodney being part of folk stories in pegasus and i wrote about that! it's short but i think it's really cute

“John, we don’t have to do this,” Rodney whispered, offering one last out, heavily aware of all the eyes in the room on them. “Shut up McKay. Atlantis needs this trade deal, and this is the only way to get it. Just, get on with it.” John’s voice was quiet and strained, and Rodney felt his chest tighten. He took a deep breath. He could do this. He could fuck his best friend, whom he was in love with, and had been for years, in front of a room full of people, including his other two team mates.

classic aliens made them do it pwp it's fun it's hot it's silly i love it!

“I need you to teach me how to get through it.” Rodney finally looked up at John, meeting his eyes directly with a hard stare. John felt anger well up in him, but then he noticed how Rodney was gripping his arm, and he remembered what had happened not even 3 days ago. He felt angry for a different reason.

i think this is my least popular fic that i've posted on ao3 but i really like it. i just really love the idea of rodney seeking out john to learn how to deal with The Bullshit that comes with their job

John’s hand shook as he swiped the chime. He was at his wits end and didn’t know what else to do. Everything had gone wrong so fast, and he didn’t even know why. The door whooshed open after a second, and he was met with an angry glare.

i'm a sucker for both misunderstandings and the entirety of atlantis taking rodney's side in a fight and this has both! plus john forcing himself to talk about his ✨feelings✨ out of desperation is always great!

[wannabegwenstacy]

Eden's Favorite BTS Fics: Twitter

Updated: 3/29/2023

A/N: I tend to read member x member on both A03 & Twitter so if thats what you are looking for then precede. If you are looking for reader insert I suggest checking out my tumblr fic recs since I tend to read those on tumblr.

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Forbidden Relationship Taegi (M) by @taegishrine on Twitter

Pairing: Rich son Taehyung x Rich son Yoongi

Tags: secret lovers, forbidden relationship, mentions and depictions of parental abuse later, enemies with benefits at the beginning

Summary: they both come from similar backgrounds: wealthy and powerful. and while their families fight each other to control the country, yoongi and taehyung can’t stay apart for too long.

it feels way better when it’s forbidden, doesn’t it?

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⎡Sope AU⎦ ~ ⎡Social Media Au⎦ by @uhgoodaddy on Twitter

Pairing: Hoseok x Yoongi

Authors Notes: ☀︎ Namjoon & Yoongi are friends ☀︎ Hoseok, Jungkook, Seokjin are friends ☀︎ Taehyung & Jimin are not friends with any of them (yet)

Tags: ☀︎ Angst ☀︎ Fluff ☀︎ Mature language and sexual jokes ☀︎ Humor if i decide to be funny ☀︎ Mentions of cheating ☀︎ Mentions of panic attacks

Summary: There’s three things Yoongi learns when he starts working with Hoseok 

1. Hoseok is everything he’s not; full of life, sweet and the literal embodiment of the sun 

2. They don’t really get along 

3. They have the same boyfriend

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Long Distance Relationship Taegi (M) by @taegishrine on Twitter

Pairing: LA Taehyung x Seoul Yoongi

Authors Notes: ldr dynamics | sad sad very sAD idk what happened to me | this story is my baby | it gets spicy | bottom yg, top th

Tags: insecurities, breakups, mental health issues

Summary: yoongi is skyping hoseok, who lives in LA, when a guy walks into his dorm room, wearing only a bath robe and a snapback 

“hey hobi, tell him to take his robe off, i’m tryna see sumn" 

the guy turns and deadpans: "i speak perfect korean, whatcha tryna see?”

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Mountain camping yoonkook au by @taehyikes on Twitter

Pairing: Writer Yoongi x General Store Owner Jungkook

Authors Notes: it will be silly! and wintery! light on the angst and heavy on the goofs! let’s begin!! first things first, they’re all writers, jimin writes travel literature, yoongi writes satire, and namjoon writes historical fiction! yoonmin are best frenemies and minjoon r dating. hoseok is a park ranger, jin cabin owner, tae owns general store with jungkook. taejin are dating.

Tags: wholesome & healing, in the soop vibes but with love, would make a good movie

Summary: where yoongi decides to rent a cabin in the mountains to work on his next novel, and jungkook runs the general store in a nearby village

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Basketball Captain Taehyung AU (M) by @taegishrine on Twitter

Pairing: Uni Basketball Captain Taehyung x Post Grad Yoongi

Authors Notes: there’s no cheating in this story; the relationship between th and the OC is fundamentally physical

Tags: self discovery, internalized homophobia, denial, a lot of sex and feelings

Summary: taehyung has a reputation that precedes him: he’s an excellent student, captain of the basketball team, and a ladies man, but after a steamy encounter with another guy, everything -even himself- starts to crumble down

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Telepathy (M) by @ladyelocin on Twitter

Pairing: CEO Min Yoongi x office worker Park Jimin

Tags: soulmates in this au share abilities/senses that manifest in different ways • ym can read each other’s thoughts • fluff • sexual tension, flirting • explicit sexual content • aftercare ♡ • side: taekook, namjin • little angst? hmm…

Summary: Having a one-night stand in a foreign country with a handsome stranger seems like the best way to end Jimin’s vacation before accepting his new job offer. Unexpectedly, Jimin meets him again and learns that the man happens to be his boss and… soulmate?

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Adjunct Professor Yoonkook (M) by  @taegishrine on Twitter

Pairing: Art Student Jungkook x Photographer/Adjunct Professor Yoongi

Authors Notes: age gap (8 years) | thread fic; no social media | NSFW

Tags: secret lovers, forbidden relationship, mentions and depictions of parental abuse later, enemies with benefits at the beginning

Summary: yoongi will never admit that the best sex of his life was with a hookup 7 years younger than him & he never thought he’d bump into jungkook again – much less on his first day as a substitute teacher but there he was, in the front row, with a devilish smile on his lips

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Winterbane (M) by  @ladyelocin on Twitter

Pairing: Lord Min Yoongi x Lord Park Jimin

Authors Notes: Okay before we start, I want us to be on the same page. This story is set somewhere between 200-500 AD so there may be practices, customs, and beliefs that are considered outdated or derogatory at present. However, there will be NO non-con and incest in this story.  There will be mpreg and depictions of pregnancy so if you are uncomfortable with the aforementioned trope, please do not proceed and prioritize yourself first.

Tags: Historical setting: 200-500 AD ‣ ABO/Omegaverse ‣ Alpha Yoongi, Omega Jimin ‣ Arranged marriage, domestic life ‣ Cultural differences, prejudice ‣ Hurt/comfort, jealousy, mutual pining ‣ Action, fight scenes, violence ‣ There are no Betas in this AU ‣ Explicit sexual content ‣ Top!YG, Bottom!JM ‣ Scenting, nesting, knotting, mating ‣ Rut/heat cycles ‣ Mpreg ‣ Side ships: Taekook, Namseok

Summary: Lord Omega Jimin of House Park agrees to marry Lord Alpha Yoongi of House Min to end the centuries-long war between the two territories. Contrary to the Northerners’ custom, Jimin, as a Southborn, is not the typical omega they expect him to be.

[lilacxquartz]

I’m enjoying TLSN so far! I am wondering what type of role Shoko will have in this fic because I feel like she doesn’t get a lot of credit sometimes :< I have been following you since BTL so I have to wonder how you will write Gojo & Geto too, bc I know you can write some really scary interpretations of characters haha.

oh hey long-term reader!! 🫶 this will be a very long response because i like to ramble and because character development is just a fun deep dive.

so let’s get into it.

firstly, it’s important to be reminded that this is pre-canon but it’s also canon divergent (suguru hasn’t gone a certain direction)—and everyone is aged 22-23 in this story which is a time of young adult discovery, understanding how you are, how the world is and finding your way. this can go either way for people, so we’re playing around with those sorts of concepts here.

i’ve written shoko in to be a genuinely good friend because i think she is; she looks out for those she cares about in this fic, makes them feel included, can talk about anything and her place is the main hangout because she’s the binding glue friend. she absolutely does not get neglected in this story. ♡

satoru is initially written for how he simply is: generous, caring, outgoing, laidback and a bit of an ass sometimes, but he’s still young so he has room to learn. former class clown turned teacher type beat.

so when i’m writing darker character concepts such as yandere, i try to take the good and turn it into the sinister in a careful way, not necessarily bad but it will depend on the character. we already know that satoru had a serious childhood and that’s why he acts immature, but what if he was also just a bit entitled? what if he felt certain actions and feelings were owed, while keeping up the good side? he wouldn’t show it initially, but it would build up until he does something he regrets.

suguru on the other hand was a bit more of a difficult write. i had to essentially partially drop how he was when he went rogue, while keeping some of the old personality to write into young adulthood. he’s got a bit of a quieter, elusive, reserved but also deeply caring personality as a result.

this can initially be misinterpreted as uncaring as rude, especially with how he will process his own feelings during the fic but he always picks up on the small details when the reader talks, pays attention to her body language and in general slowly grows infatuated while handling things like jealousy, a slowly growing disdain towards regular civilians (mentioned during the bully talks in chapter 2) and actually allowing himself to grow close to a person.

i think both characters are both written in equally frightening ways imo. satoru’s intentions are harder to read into because he gives himself a caring/carefree mask which makes it all that much more sinister, whereas suguru who is a harder read will be confusing the entire road until he isn’t.

as such, we are left with a perfectly toxic insight into playing with the reader and the low self esteem she’s trying to cover up while trying to fit in, because she has no idea what real friendships are supposed to look like, let alone relationships because her own parents’ relationship is also strained.

so while this isn’t quite as horrific as BTL if you’re coming from that background, it still isn’t going to be pretty, the feelings have a motive, the actions have a cause, but nothing about this has good intentions from the start.

which i think personally, makes those kind interactions from the earlier chapters all the more horrific.

but yeah, thanks for asking! hope this sheds some light on your question!