#the stuff meds and some sunshine will do for you...

[trickstersaint]

flush // april 13 2023

[inncubus-honey]

fantasy c.o.d men au

a/n: a new fandom! maybe, just depends how much I write about mw2. also the nicknames are for a gn! reader, despite some being more feminine then others, but these are for a gn reader. I hope y'all like it for another fandom writing apart stray kids and now kinda redacted stuff. feedback is always appreciated. also I added references to some games with the weapon choices for the boys. hehehe.

also I hope it makes sense that the fantasy aspect is their weapons and little blurbs with you in the world; I could always expand on it in another post if y'all want to see it

c.o.d men x gn! reader

Word Count: 3.2k

price- longsword

obviously he uses a longsword. hes been on the royal guard since he was a young boy, like 13-16. his father had been part of the royal guard when he was a boy. he thought it was the coolest thing ever; protecting people and using such a great weapon really drove him to join after his fathers death in battle. but he then left the guard with gaz to help around the country as mercenaries.

you bandaged johns arm as he sat with you grumbling. an injury from training with his boys today; johnny got a little rambunctious with his duel daggers.

“fucking crazy kid…but hes slowly improving..” john grumbled as you wrapped his arm up.

“hes just excited about joining the mystical 141 mercenary group. give him some slack, Captain.” you teased back, finishing the wrapping. he scoffed at your comment and put his armor back on.

“well, hes a little too zealous at times…but i can tell he’ll be good for the team.” john stood from the med bed and re-equipped his sword to his sword. he smirked at your figure moving around and cleaning up the medical supplies.

he walked up behind you, giving a series of fluttering kisses to your neck as his arms wrapped around your waist.

“ive missed all day, love…” he whispered to you as you placed your hands atop his. he had been training with 141 while you had been seeing patients all day.

“me too, captain.” 

ghost- spymaster

the spymaster of the 141 mercenaries. john recruited ghost when he saw him stalking upon roofs around the town at night. when morning came, john found him at a pub in a dark corner as he watched everyone. when he sat down with him and got to talking, he learned that at that point he was a hitman for hire. he decided to put his skills to good use.

“simon, darling come to bed, please i miss my lover…” you looked over to his larger figure in the corner, arms crossed and staring at you from his hiding spot. a smirk graced his lips at your words when your eyes met.

“was wonderin’ when you’d notice me, sunshine…” uncrossing his arms with a small chuckle, simon made his way towards your shared bed.

“well, i was wondering when you would come by yourself, darling.” simon smirked at your comment, taking off his gear to settle in for the night. 

before you could do anything else, simon pulled you forward by the back of your legs, plopping down onto your chest. he let out a low groan as you gave a small chuckle, putting your hand in his short blonde locks.

“goodnight, darling..” a quick kiss to his forehead.

“night, sunshine..” he was out like a light.

soap- dual daggers

chaotic good of the party. will go in killing everyone crazy or be the sneakiest rogue ever and be in and out. he joined the 141 before simon; he sought out price and gaz as they were looking for recruits and went around the kingdom looking for them. he wanted to join them ever since hearing them and how they stopped the gas poisonings by general hadir, the brother of general farah who was an ally of the 141.

“dear…you are going to give me grey hairs.” soap dangled from the rope after stepping the trap as you ventured in the woods. he was fighting the rope with grunts and trying to cut with his dagger, but falling short as he would miss and fall back down.

“well whoever grunt...set the fucking trap knew what they grunt doing…” following the rope with your eyes, you found the anchor for it by a tree which led you to walk and cut it.

soap landed onto the ground with a grunt and cough as he got a bit winded by the action. with a roll of your eyes, you walked over to where soap laid and helped him up and dusted him off.

“thank you, buttercup. now lets go home, so we can spend some time alone…” he gave you a smirk as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and yall started walking in the direction of yalls cottage. 

“mmhmm…did your ribs bruise again?” you raised an eyebrow at him as yall walked side by side.

“maybe…” he coughed out as his other arm went to support his ribs.

“absolutely, they hurt a lot…” he whined with a chuckle out of you as you shook your head and continued walking as soap whined the whole way.

gaz- rift mage

gaz met price as he was an apprentice of the royal court mage. price would eat with gaz whenever they could, price taking gaz under his wing when they left the kingdom; gazs family disowned him upon discovering he had magic. price taught him how to fight with a weapon in case he could not use his magic. over the time of their travels, gaz felt more comfortable about his natural abilities and not hiding them as much.

“come on, my little spitfire…” gaz gave a slight tug at your sleeve as you stood in the library, sorting the books with a big pout on his lips. the 141 had an off week, but you had to work some days of the week. gaz huff as you moved from shelf to shelf, following behind like a lost puppy.

“gaz, im almost done. just a few more minutes, darling..” chuckling as gaz groaned and threw his back. after finally finishing placing the last books away, you grabbed your things and found gaz asleep in a chair near the back of the shop. his head sloped down onto his chest with his arms crossed over his chest. 

holding in a chuckle, you walked over to him, gently shaking his shoulder to wake him up. 

“gaz, darling, im done lets go home…” you whispered to him, gaz slowly started to stir in the chair, stretching his arms out with a yawn and looked over at you.

“im ready and awake, spitfire, i swear-yawn” standing up with a pop in his back, gaz hooked his arm around your waist and led yall out of the bookstore back to your shared home for the rest of the afternoon. an occasional yawn escaping gazs mouth earning a small giggle from you.

alex- bardice

a bardiche is kind of pole-arm, which alex was a god at using. he picked up the pole-arm when couldnt do close combat anymore after losing his leg; he opted for long range combat afterward. he joined after price and gaz help him and general farah with hadir, he wanted to help people and bring justice like them. 

watching alex pull back the bardiche only to stab into the training dummy again and again was something you could watch all day. sitting on one of the many hay bales around the training center, you were doing your own thing by doodling alex in many poses with his pole-arm. he saw out of the corner of his eye with a smirk as you moved your pencil around the page.

“getting my good side, dearest?” he smirked to you, leaning against the pole-arm as he used a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe away the sweat from his forehead.

“every side is your good side, alex.” you smiled back, shutting the book and walking over to alex who was also shirtless at the moment. afterall it didnt hurt to use your boyfriend for anatomy practice; slyly you smiled at him while placing your hands on his sweaty chest. his muscles moved up and down with deep breaths as he took you in his tired and aching arms. 

“im glad my dearest thinks so. i dont just work out to keep good at fighting…its also for you, dear..” his breathy voice whispered in your ear, his mustache tickling your neck as he left light, fleeting kiss up and down. snorts and squeaks left you as you tried to push away alex who only brought you in closer to his larger frame.

“a-alex! stoop..that-haha- t-tickles!” the shrill laughs left you, alex only stopping to let out gravelly chuckles in your ear. but soon, he thankfully did stop the tickles and swayed you both back and forth a bit.** **aqua lovesick eyes bore into yours, ones that you could spend an entity in.

“i love you, dearest..” alex vowed to me.

“i love you most, alex.” i vowed back to seal it with a kiss.** **

keegan- scythe

the ghosts were also a traveling group of mercenaries, only being found at night in pubs when people were looking for them. keegan was known for his large scythe attached to his back and the skull face paint that decorates his face during missions. he joined the ghosts when after he was with another mercenary group called vipers.

“it smells good in here, firefly.” keegans arms wrapped around your waist as you chopped up some vegetables for a stew for dinner. you saw more bundles of wheat on the table as keegan rested his head in your neck.

“thank you, kee. i have bread in the oven from all the wheat you keep cutting.” i smirked at him as he placed his scythe against the wall near the front door. as you placed the vegetables in the pot and mixed everything together. 

“we should start selling wheat, kee. i can only make so much bread a week before i start hating the taste.” a chuckle left him as you stirred the pot and he took a seat at the table. he rested his head on his palm, calloused from years of use of the scythe, aqua eyes watched your figure as you moved about in the kitchen. 

“maybe we can sell the bread you make; people would come in hoards for your bread.” keegan smirked as you dished up the now ready stew and brought over two bowls to the table. he loved how domestic life was with you; one of the few constants in his life. the ghosts and you were always there for him, it took him awhile to get to use it after the vipers.

but, damn, he wouldnt trade this for anything in the world.

“firefly… i love you alot. i would do anything for you, i hope you know.” smiling, you reached out your hand and grabbed his hand, softly rubbing your thumb across the back of his hand.

“i know, dear. i would do the same for you, keegan; i love you more.” you told him back, a toothy grin spread across his lips as there was a light pink dusting across his cheeks, it made him look cuter.

“i know, firefly…now lets eat.” he pressed a quick kiss to your lips before yall dug into the delicious looking stew.

roach- necromancer

not being able to speak never bothered roach; his parents used sign language with him while others wrote notes if they did not know. roach always felt like no one could really understand him despite everything he could say or show. in his emotions, he always felt limited when it came to that. until joining the 141; they always seemed to read him better than others. price knew he was hungry for certain foods in taverns, but didnt know if they had it or not. ghost always knew when roach needed more ink or another book for his spells. gaz and soap would be there him when he was looking around booths in the village and people would try to scam him because he was mute.

roach was sitting at the tavern table, scribbling down notes he needs for spells and the ingredients needed for those spells. you were up at the counter ordering some mead and roasted stew that he always wanted. when the order was confirmed, you started making your way back to yalls table when you saw a group of patrons around roach; poking him and shoving as he sat there and tried to ignore them.

rushing over him and the group, pushing the men away from him and he guarded his book with his body.

“leave him alone! what gives you the right to bother him?” you shouted as you stood in front of the table. the group of patrons scowled as you pushed them away from your partner.

“he practices witchcraft! the worst kind of all; necromance. he needs to leave!” they shouted back at you as your hands rested on your hips, looking equally as mad at them.

“has he done anything to you? made any rude gestures? sent some ghost your way?” raising a brow at him, waiting to see what his answer would be. the man's mouth fell ajar, eyes rapidly blinking as he looked around for something to say.

“well..n-no, but its unnatural-!” you cut him off by raising a hand up to him as he tried to sputter out an answer.

“but nothing. he has every right to be in here as much as you do, so leave him alone before i make you.” you shoved your finger into his chest, making him stumble backwards as his eyes continued to widen as your words. his face paled, gave a huff and he walked off with his group behind him.

looking back at roach, you walked over to him and took his face in your hands looking over him for any possible scrapes or bumps from the patrons roughhousing him. as your eyes trailed over his soft face, roach placed his hands over yours. he gave a soft smile and slow nod as if to answer your question. 

‘im fine, precious. no injury, just took my quill.’ hitting his thumb with a closed fist against his chest then making his hand sideways as he spread his fingers apart then moving his fingers against one another. then moving in front of him, taking his fist from behind his ear and down to hand you understood what he meant.

‘are you sure?’ you signed back which made his smile wider as he brought you down next to him and pressed a kiss to your lips which made your concern melt from your face. you pressed one back to him as you placed your head on his shoulder and he got back to writing in his spell book.

alejandro- dadao

alejandro and rudy were allies and honorary members of the 141. they were a traveling duo looking to help where they could, like the 141; alejandro always felt like he was supposed to do more than just travel around with his childhood friend. not that he hated it, but he also felt lost whenever they got ready to travel to the next town. but when they landed in your town, it felt right to alejandro and he wanted to stay.

alejandro opened the back with a smile as he brought in the burlap sack clad flour and sugar you needed in the bakery. placing them near the other sacks in your low supplies as you stood behind the big butcher block table which you made pastries on.

“thank you, ale. i would have done it, but i needed to get these breads ready and in the oven.” you smiled up at him as he walked over and hugged you from behind, giving feathery kisses along your neck.

“its no problem, mi corazon, i love helping you and watching you do what you love most.” he smiled into your neck as you both swayed to the imagery music. sweet notes of vanilla, fruits, lavender, and many other notes wafted through the air which warm, fuzzy feelings in your chest as you leaned against alejandro.

“do you happen to have any extra cherry pie, mi corazon?” he whispered as he pressed a quick kiss to the shell of your ear. his warm hands gently slide up and down your sides.

cherry pie was alejandros favorite dessert, so whenever it was baked, he would always sneak a piece when you werent watching. meaning you would have to make more then buy more cherries and it was just a cycle of baking cherry pies.

“if you check the oven, love, you’ll find two cherry pies…one is yours.” an excited whoop left alejandros throat as he turned you around, pressing a passionate kiss against your lips. he ran over to the oven and pulled out the two pies with the peel, placing them on the counter.

“you’re amazing, mi corazon! you always spoil me too much with your pastries and sweets.” pulling you away from the dough on the butcher table, bringing you into his body again as a grin graced his lips. gentle hands rested upon your jaw as he brought you both closer once again; gentle lips danced against one another as you rested your hands on his chest.

“well, you deserves it, alejandro. you do a lot for me and the people here…its the least i could do for you…” you whispered against his lips when you pulled away for a moment. alejandros signature smirk returned, pushing loose baby hair away from your face so he could see it better.

“thank you, mi corazon…it means a lot to hear you say that.”

rudy- illusion mage

rudy and alejandro met as kids when other kids were picking on rudy for his magic. all the other kids thought he was a horrible mage for having illusion magic; most thought it would be used to trick and try to control people. but rudys magic only ever activated when he was in major distress as a kid, when he was older and enrolled into a magic school he learned to control it and use his magic whenever. when alejandro met his partner and decided to stay in that town, rudy didnt mind one bit as he liked the thought of a fresh start in a new town.

you sat at your desk, working on some paperwork for your boss at the bookshop. you had been there all day, sorting through the records of payments and what inventory was in the shop. rudy entered the house from nightly patrol duty, dropping off his coat and illusions dust at the front door.

“amor, what are you doing up so late?” rudy walked over to where you sat, giving you a soft kiss against your shoulder as he rested his head in the crook of your neck.

“i have to get these papers done for the bookshop, cielo…” rested a hand on his jaw, giving back a light peck on the lips. rudy chuckled as he pulled out your chair from the desk.

this caused you drop the papers and quill onto the table as your lover picked you up from the chair, bridal style.

“rudy! i have to get those done soon!” a squeal left your lips as he carried to your shared and dropped you upon yalls bed.

“soon. you said you can finish them soon, lets just cuddle for a bit, amor.” he plopped his body down onto yours as his arms went to wrap around your waist.

knowing rudy wasnt to let you from cuddling for at least a while, you gave huff in defeat which was followed by a chuckle. you begrudgingly wrapped your arms around back, slowly running your nails up and down as you pressed a kiss to his temple.

“you’re a pain in my ass, cielo. but i love you…” whispering to him as yall snuggled into the bedsheets further.

“i love you more…” rudy soon drifted into sleep as he laid on your chest. soon you followed him as well, your hands resting his hair with small smiles gracing your faces.

a/n: as i wrote this, I read the wikis of war zone operators and was thinking about doing a part 2 with some, let me know if y'all would like that and if you want to see certain characters in it

[raccoonfallsharder]

✩࿐࿔ schedule your fuckin' appointments. [new 2/26]

fluff (smut-free) | gn reader | no use of y/n | drabble | word count: 1,222.

look i know it sucks but right now i need you to call your doctor or open your patient portal and schedule the damn appointment you've been putting off forever. otherwise you're gonna be in trouble with the captain.

“Hey! Cupcake!” You swear Rocket starts every conversation with a demanding yell from across the street, like he has to let everyone know he’s seen you and is claiming your time. You roll your eyes and don’t move from your seat on the laundromat steps, but you can feel a smile playing at the corner of your mouth — he wouldn’t be Rocket if he wasn’t trying to assert his bossiness everywhere he went. “Yes, sir?” you snark back, waiting till he’s within a reasonable distance and you don’t have to shout. He nudges you with the toe of one boot, and you sigh good-naturedly and scoot over on the step, giving him room to sit beside you. He pulls out his zune and fiddles with it, till something low and quiet swells in the speakers. The citizens of Knowhere shift into something more relaxed: paces slowing, conversation quieting, heads tilting toward one another as they let the music unconsciously shift their moods. Rocket eyes them all with a smirk of satisfaction. He’s so damn proud of himself that you have to try not to chuckle and ruin it. But then he’s leaning toward you, bumping your knee with his, head tilted conspiratorially. “Did you schedule that doctors’ appointment yet?” You blink, then wince. “Uhm. No?”

read more on ao3 ✩࿐࿔ for LunaAfton on ao3

need more reminders from rocket?

the world is hard, and sometimes it's difficult to complete daily tasks & take care of yourself (aka rocket bullies you for your own damn good).

this is about as wholesome as it gets (for me) i think. can be read platonically or romantically. mcu-based, meant to take place post-volume-3, but headcanon however you want ♡

✩࿐࿔ take what you need masterlist

࿔ eat somethin. (wc: 576) ࿔ go to frickin bed already. (wc: 737) ࿔ get outta bed & get your shit done. (wc: 925) ࿔ take a damn bath. (wc: 1,375) ࿔ leave your frickin skin alone. (wc: 1,579) ࿔ take a fuckin study break.(wc: 1,020) ࿔ drink some goddamn water. (wc: 1,209) ࿔ stop destroying your frickin clothes.(wc: 1,609) ࿔ just buy the damn thing already. (wc: 1,271) ࿔ it's frickin laundry day. (wc: 1,923) ࿔ get some sunshine, sunshine. (wc: 1,614) ࿔ did you take your damn meds today? (wc: 1,288) ࿔ schedule your fuckin' appointments. (wc: 1,222) for LunaAfton ♡ ࿔ do your goddamn dishes. [est mid-march] for nonnie ♡

if you find any of these at all helpful, they're meant for you.

feel free to ✩ request reminders ✩ via reblogs, asks, and tumblr or ao3 comments if they would be helpful for you. it may take me a hot minute to get to them depending on life n stuff, but i will do my best. if you’d like to join my fanfiction taglist, please comment or send me a message or ask! ♡

@suicidalshitstick ✩ @glow-autumz ✩ @evolvingchaoswitch ✩ @wren-phoenix ✩ @pretty-chips

total word-count: 16,388

[keezybees]

Hi! I follow you across social media and I really love your art and am super looking forward to reading Hello Sunshine! I wanted to reach out because I'm also Bipolar and I really appreciate the work you do to spread awareness about it but there's something that I find kind of harmful in how you talk about it, and it's just the insistance that it absolutely can't be treated through non-medical means. I fully understand that meds are life-saving and that depending on the severity of symptoms, length, and frequency of episodes, going without medication can be lethal. However, as someone with Bipolar I but controlled symptoms (and frankly symptoms that seem a lot less disruptive than yours, I'm sorry), hearing that there's no path forward without medication would easily have triggered suicidal thoughts when I was younger. There are a lot of reasons why people can't be medicated (for me it was a combination of family control and financial struggle), but hearing at your lowest that there's no way forward without something that you can't have is really damaging. I think it's totally possible to stress the importance of medical access and the need to work with your medical provider without erasing the ways that non-medical treatments can also be life-saving, depending on a person's situation/symptoms/etc and that some people can live full lives even if their symptoms aren't fully controlled. Anyway, I love your work and I just wanted to raise this alternate perspective because I think you're helping a lot of people, but I also think a lot of people can be harmed by this rhetoric, especially marginalized people who can't seek medication for any number of factors beyond their control.

Hi Anon! I totally hear what you're saying, and so I just wanted to run through a few things to clarify my stance, both for you and for others who might be reading this (omg I am SO sorry this is so long though haha):

I do emphasize treatment a lot, because I think it's really important for people to work with professionals to find ways to manage their illness. This is partly due to my own experience (I avoided treatment for a looong time) and anecdotally, but also because the research we have is pretty clear--untreated bipolar has much, much worse outcomes for a vast majority of people. However! When I say treatment, I don't necessarily mean medication, and certainly not only medication! I absolutely think some people (though it is sadly rare) can find ways of managing their illness medication-free. I just feel that it's best to do this work with the help of professionals + peers (whether that's a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, social worker, support group, etc) who can help you find your way, and help you manage symptoms that do crop up (this is especially true if you're currently on medication and choosing to go off of it, since that can come with physical risks). I could definitely stand to make this distinction a lot clearer though, and I'll try to be more mindful of it in the future.

I also can definitely see how my words could imply that I think non-medication ways of treating bipolar aren't valuable, and I'll work on my phrasing going forward, because they absolutely are! My aim is not to dismiss stuff like self-help or lifestyle changes or meditation or exercise, because I think they're great--for example, that kind of stuff has helped a ton with my anxiety and overall quality of life, and I know for a lot of people they help with their bipolar symptoms. But for me, these things simply don't have much of an impact on the bipolar, and our culture's emphasis on them frustrates me because it prevented me from getting proper care for a very long time, and made me feel like a failure for not being able to control my symptoms despite working so hard. So I'll also try to be more clear in the future about whether I'm venting about my own situation vs speaking broadly.

I also definitely hope I've never said anything that implies that our symptoms are inevitably life-ruining! My symptoms aren't completely controlled (particularly my lows), either, and I like to think I live a pretty good life. I think for many people un-treated bipolar can be life-ruining, and I've just heard too many stories about people who thought they could manage on their own only to have an absolutely devastating manic episode to not warn people of the risk. But most of us will continue to experience some degree of symptoms throughout our lives, absolutely.

I totally understand why someone would want to go med-free, or at least try it, and I in no way think the medications we have now are flawless haha. Side effects are awful, life-changing, and can even be life-threatening (I've had some horrible experiences with side effects myself); the meds we have now aren't very effective against depressive episodes for a lot of people (myself included), and for some people they're not effective at all; meds for most people don't completely eradicate symptoms, etc. I'm fully on board with the med struggle, and I honestly spend a lot of time criticizing the options available to us, though less so publicly, since I don't want to further stigmatize the idea of taking psych meds in general!

One of the reasons I emphasize medication (when I do emphasize meds, specifically) is because when I was younger, I was terrified of even the idea of them. I avoided it for years and really, really suffered because of it. I think our culture does in general look down on psych meds, particularly the kind we usually take, so I'm trying to destigmatize the concept of them, and emphasize for people with similar fears that taking meds can be just as life-saving and healing as they are harmful and frustrating, and that it's at least worth trying.

I'm a YA cartoonist (and former teacher, barista at a youth coffeehouse, tutor, I worked for a kids' gaming website...actually all of my jobs apart from dishwashing have involved kids, now that I think of it lmao), so a lot of the time when I'm talking about this stuff on social media, my target audience is sort of...very young people and kids who think they have bipolar (or may have even been diagnosed) but are afraid to seek help and/or don't think they need help and/or don't think help is going to actually help. So my goal is to demystify and normalize the idea of taking meds and/or seeking treatment for those people, and to emphasize that just because they're able to manage their illness now, that might change in the future, and imo they need to be aware of the very real risks, which includes things like an incredibly high suicide rate for unmedicated individuals, and the reality that the illness can be progressive (episodes can get worse and harder to treat the more you have them--they certainly did for me, and I wish I had been more open to the idea much earlier).

On a similar note, it's also important to recognize that a lot of things can look like bipolar, and a lot of people don't really know what bipolar actually looks like to begin with (particularly if you're getting your info from tiktok or similar). So if you've self-diagnosed and never explored treatment options (emphasis on options!) you can easily be missing stuff like thyroid issues, epilepsy, brain tumors, vitamin deficiencies, or a myriad of other treatable mental illnesses that mimic bipolar, and I strongly believe that people deserve care and help for whatever they're struggling with, including the possibility that it isn't bipolar at all!

Finally, I truly hope I've never said anything that comes off like I'm looking down on or judging people who choose to not be medicated for whatever reason! If it works for you then that's phenomenal (I'm jealous tbh) but it's honestly none of my business haha. When I talk about this stuff I do try to stress most people, because we're of course not a monolith, and when I say something like 'a majority of people with bipolar will need some form of medication to flourish' I don't mean to dismiss those who aren't in that majority. It's more that I want people to be open to the idea that they're not failures for needing meds, that they're actually in very good company, as well as to combat the 'just meditate! or try harder!' narrative that's so prevalent in our culture.

Edit: one last thought, which is that part of my target audience is also parents or guardians whose kids might be struggling--kids are obviously the group with the least access to treatment on their own terms. My hope is that talking about my experiences and discussing the risks will help motivate guardians to get help for their kids, and also help motivate kids to seek their own treatment as soon as they're able. Most people develop bipolar in their late teens and early 20s (though my first hypomanic ep was at 16), so it's a relatively small percentage of folks in this situation, but I do see how a kid whose parents aren't willing to help them could take my words badly, so I'll try to keep that in mind!

I'm definitely going to be more careful about how I phrase things going forward, because I can absolutely see how my intent could be lost. Hopefully this clears things up a bit (although it's also possible that we simply disagree, and I think that's okay too--like I said, our community is not a monolith, and a lot of these conversations are fundamentally ongoing)!

tldr; I'll make an effort to watch my words so that it's clear that my target audience really isn't my bipolar peers, and that the target of my criticisms is anti-medication wellness culture + psych med stigma, not the concept of non-medication alternatives or additions in general. And I'll try to do a better job of highlighting when I'm speaking only for myself vs our community as a whole!

[niuniente]

I stumbled upon above image from this blog and went “Huh, that’s exactly how my fingernails grow. I know it can be a sign of a severe health problem but doctors haven’t found anything and my fingernails have looked like that for my whole life”. (I’d like to grow my nails long but I can’t because the pressure of the curving is too much and painful.)

(and here’s a pic of healthy nails, growing as they should)

I checked the origin of the photo and found the blog I just mentioned. It’s run by an English person who was diagnosed with BJHS - Benign Joint Hybermobility Syndrome. I read all the person’s experiences and symptoms and yikes! That’s me! (with overlapping IBS and iron deficiency which can’t be treated)

“Benign meaning “it will not kill me,” not that it’s all fluffy-kittens-and-sunshine. Joint Hypermobility meaning my joints move too much in the wrong ways (yes, “double jointed,” though of course I have only a single set of each joint). Syndrome meaning that this problem creates a cascade of other issues throughout my body. BJHS is a connective tissue-based disorder. Somewhere along the line, my genetics have made it so that I don’t either produce enough of, or don’t process completely, the protein collagen. Collagen is like the scaffolding for every connective tissue in  your body. Connective tissues include: skin, muscles, ligaments, tendons, hair, bones, eyes, blood vessels, spinal discs, cartilage, the intestines, the heart, the liver… basically, everywhere. In fact, I can’t actually name a part of the body that doesn’t contain it.”

Here are the blog person’s experiences VS my experiences

Insomnia: did I mention the hyper-wired, jazzed-up, over-talkative, never-shuts-down nature of my brain? That I get more hyper the more exhausted I become? That I used to sleep so lightly that my roommate in college could wake me up by writing in her journal? Did I mention that, without the right meds, I probably get one or two nights of truly deep, restful sleep… a year? Me: Yup! I sleep so slightly that when I had a flatmate, I woke up when she touched the handle of her door. Though my insomnia isn’t as bad as this persons, I do regularly need melatonin to sleep normally. Otherwise I can’t fall asleep until 8am, even if I was super tired during the day. Otherwise I sleep well.

Liver metabolism: I have serious problems processing medications, as I have a liver that is slow to metabolize chemicals. I cannot take a very long list of drugs, including most pain killers. This also includes naturopathic treatments… even my own hormones! I get side effects (or no effects) with everything I take. As my naturopath likes to say: “You just walk by a chemical, and it affects you.” Me: My shiatsu healer said that my liver is not working properly. I have hormonal problems. Even with the IUD I still get them monthly, though IUD has improved my health tremendously.

Complex PTSD and anxiety: like the stuff combat veterans get, only not quite. Caused by excessive exposure to stressful situations that one cannot escape, like, say… a bully at work (not saying that was my situation. Just as an example…). Though I received great treatment, people with BJHS are prone to stuff like this: fight or flight, remember? Me: I’m getting better but I’m 24/7 anxious more or less. I hope I can continue having anxiety medication for “bad things” like traveling. Do you know how annoying it is that you love traveling and have traveled the same journey for 10+ years and your anxiety still says “Okay but this time, something bad CAN happen!!” I was also pretty much mute for 12 years. My muscles are tense 24/7 due hyperactive nervous system and anxiety.

Heart palpitations: yucky, but harmless Me: Sometimes they happen, ugh...

Irritable bowel syndrome Me: TELL ME ABOUT IT QoQ The IUD has helped with this, too, as apparently I also have endometriosis which causes IBS to some.

Sinus problems and severe allergies (go immune system, go!) Me: YUP! Just got finally an allergy medication after sneezing daily, 20 times a day for 30 years. I new life has began! My nose isn’t running! I don’t need to have a truckload of tissues everywhere!

GERD (bad acid reflux) Me: And it gets worse with hormonal changes... I’ve got 4 different medications for this.

Poor balance and an inability to fully understand where my body is in relation to everything else. Me: Not really my issue but I do get clumsy with hormonal chances. It’s a common joke between me and my sister by now.

An inability to regulate body temperature, including both freezing extremities and excessive sweating, sometimes at the same time Me: This is genuinely THE WORST! It’s -30C outside, I go there half-naked, walk for 3 minutes and I’m sweating like a little big. All my clothes are trenched with sweat in 10 minutes. I’m inside and it’s 23C and I need wool socks and wake up with a sore throat because it’s too cold. I also “catch” the temperatures easily and shower (or sauna) is then the only option. If I catch “cold”, I will not warm up no matter how warmly I dress and sit in front of a heater. If I catch “hot”, I will not cool down even if I sat in front of a fan naked with ice-cubes on my body.

Hair that breaks easily and nails that are bent and curl off the tips of my fingers, as well as fingers that wrinkle like I’ve been in the tub for days Me: Yes. I need to use hair oil daily and baby oil for body and my eyes are like Sahara desert. Nails curve and my fingers are always wrinkly.

I have painful big toe joints, so no high heels for me. Walking long distances can be a disaster, so good shoes are very important. I suffer from plantar fasciitis, which means the bottoms of my feet hurt, especially in the morning. Me: Same. I went to doctor to complain how my toes hurt but they couldn’t find anything. My soles hurt extremely easily - like 5h walking and I’m already in pain. Doesn’t matter if I’m 45kg or 100kg in weight, it still hurts the same. Fingers hurt all the time.

My immune system is hyper-active as well, mounting elaborate, full-scale mucus or lymph node or other responses to mild colds and viruses. I’m sick a lot longer than normal people, and a lot more seriously, yet it’s not due to a poor immune system, but rather one that’s too strong. Me: Same. Last time I was sick was in 2017. It was just a normal cold but it took 4 weeks from me to recover. I was bedridden for a week. I’ve not gotten covid and despite my shitty bowl I don’t get sick easily. I don’t remember the last time I was sick prior 2017. Probably in 2007? With a bit runny nose though.

Loose connective tissues mean joints that move too easily, which means pinched nerves and pain. Think about how it feels when you throw your back out, or get carpal tunnel syndrome. Now imagine this feeling all over your body.  My nerves get pinched, causing several types of pain. I get back pain, obviously. I get numbness and mild paralysis in my thighs and hands. I get weakness in my legs and arms, and sciatica/restless leg sensations if I sit too long. Worst of all, I get parasthesia in my fingers and toes (that’s the tingling, painful sensation you get when you sit funny and your foot goes numb, then starts to wake up). I have this sensation, in varying degrees, all the time. Me: I’m literally in pain all around my body from neck below, for 24/7. Only the level of pain differs. I get easily numbness to arms and legs. I’ve started to suffer of restless legs and middle body with heavy jolting, especially if I’m tired. If I’m stressed and go to sleep, my nose and lips switch a lot.

[bullet-prooflove]

Kismet - Connor Rhodes x Reader

Tagging:  @cosmic-psychickitty    @brianbabygirlzvonecek    @ikbenplant   @rosaliedepp   @mrspeacem1nusone   @daniacat    @htariq    @sowrongitslottie   @readingbookelf    @earthtolottie    @crazy4chickennuggets   @cixrosie   @202rosebudd   @halsteadloversworld   @i-spaced-sorry    @lxna-mikaelsxn​   @1234-angelika​   @wolfers-stuff    @katia-01-05   @voidsteffy   @formulapierre    @aaronhtchnrs​

Being here at Chicago Med brought back a lot of memories, some good and some bad.  Connor remembers the thrill of it all, the surgeries, the challenges, the family that he’d never had. The people had been vital to him and truthfully, they still were, which was why he was here today. It’s been four years since he’s stepped foot in this place and now, he’s decided to return. He thought that the memories would fade over time, that the anxiety he had would subside, but the truth is it’s still as prevalent as the day he left.

His tenure here at become a horror show towards the end. A litany of stress and anguish. When he looks back, he wondered how he survived what Ava Bekker put him through. Therapy has helped but at the time he had thought he was drowning in the insanity of it all.

“We’re alike you and I, we’ll both do anything to get what we want.”

Her words ring in his mind as if she had just spoken them. He’d believed her at the time, they were both hungry, both ambitious but he was driven by the desire to learn and Ava, she was driven by ego. They were a matching pair until they weren’t.

“The ends justify the means.”

He remembers the tone of her voice as she said it, the look in her eyes. Everything was calculated down to the final detail even her escape from justice. There had been a moment when she picked up that scalpel where he thought she was going to kill him, he saw the glint of malevolence in her and he thought, this is it. This is how it ends.

But it didn’t end, not really.

He’d been fucked up for a while after she’d committed suicide and that was the point. It had been a final fuck you because she knew, no matter what she had done he would still try to save her. It was a form of torture, he’d held her life in his hands, tried to bring her back but she had escaped like a thief in the night. He had gone home and cried that night. Not for her but for everything she had taken away from him. There was cruelty in what she had done and it damn near broke him.

He was lucky you’d been around that night because the desolation, the loss it had all been too much. When he called, you’d come running, you’d taken one look at him, and you had known what he needed. You hadn’t been anything more than a friend at the time, someone to share a drink with at the bar but he trusted you with his thoughts, his feelings. He had been shaking when you’d gotten there, he hadn’t been able to stop. When you had held him, he had fallen to pieces, his face buried in the curve of your shoulder as he clung for you to dear life. You were his anchor in a sea awash with sorrow, the only thing that could bring him back to himself when he felt so lost, he could barely see through the darkness.

“You doing ok?”

Your voice broke through his thoughts as he sat on the bench in front of hospital. You were still as beautiful as the first day he had laid eyes on you, he felt that swell of heat in his chest as you held out a takeout cup of hot chocolate with a gloved hand, the mitten still buttoned to the back of it. He’d bought them for you at a Winter fair last month, they were sunshine yellow with threads of red and orange woven in. Autumnal colours. They reminded him of the first time he kissed you in Millennium Park, the leaves falling from the trees before the winter chill set in.

“Yea.” He answered automatically before taking his drink from your hands. He paused for a moment reconsidering his answer. “Actually no.”

You were the only person he couldn’t lie to. He put on a brave front, but you saw through all the armour he built up between himself and the rest of the world. you always did. His thumb caressed the indentations of the cardboard cup as you sat down along side of him. You nudged his shoulder gently and he took solace in your proximity. You were a safe haven for him. He could say anything to you, and he knew he wouldn’t be judged for it.

“It’s a lot being back here.” He told you, his dark eyebrows furrowing into a frown before he took a sip from his drink. It was perfect two shots of vanilla, whipped cream. He could already feel the warmth of the sugar soothing over his jangling nerves. “It feels like this place is haunted, my dad, Ava, Doctor Downey, it feels like they’re all just in there, rattling around the halls.”

“You have a lot of memories here.” You said softly, your hip pressing lightly against his. “It’s natural to feel a bit overwhelmed.”

He tilted his head to look at you, those brilliant blue eyes meeting yours as his hand came to rest upon your knee.

“There’s a lot of good ones here too.” He informed you. “It’s where I met you. I was in the right place at the right time.”

He wasn’t even supposed to be on shift that day, he’d finished an hour before. But Marcel had been out sick, and the nightshift needed cover and there you were hurling in Ruzek, because he had cut his arm on razor wire while chasing down a suspect. It had been a couple of nights later the two of you had caught up at Molly’s, he’d asked after his handiwork and sparks had flown.

He had been weary after he’d broken up with Ava, he hadn’t been looking for anything that night, but he’d found it. You were easy to talk to and you made him laugh.  His job kept him serious and all the shit with Ava, game playing, the suspicions…

It had been a very long time since he’d actually laughed out loud, he almost didn’t recognise the sound of it. Drinks, turned to dinner, dinner turned to tender nights wrapped up in one other, making love until the sun came up. Before he realised it you had become as important to him as oxygen.

“Kismet.” He said quietly as he recalled the early days.

“You believe it was fate that brought us together?” You asked him, a small smile playing across your lips. His fingers entwined with yours, he could feel the edges of your wedding ring through the material of your glove.

“I think if we hadn’t met here, it would have been another place to another time.” He told you earnestly. “The way I feel for you… I think we were always meant to find each other.”

“I can’t tell you how much I value you Connor, what the two of us have…” You trailed off, your cheeks colouring as you looked into his eyes. “I think we were written in the stars.”

He smiled then and it was like the sun was shining for the first time in the bleakest winter. It warmed you somewhere deep inside because you knew he felt it too.

Love Connor Rhodes? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[rose-riot-johnson]

Can I get a Shinsou comfort fluff( as usual ) with a afab reader with major depressive disorder and an eating disorder ( abusive family had influenced this, the reader is a normal weight but has been gaining weight from medication for their mental illness ). Mentions of the nickname kitten from Shinsou and he calls them his "girlfriend". Please and thank you~!! ( this is entirely self indulgent, as always as I'm struggling hardcore atm)

Ofcourse Aevyn😁👍 And this fanfic as a whole is definitely something I would definitely write about😃👍 And you're very welcome😁👍 Apologies ahead of time for adding the angst genre😅 I figured I'd add "they/them" part, because I wasn't sure if you wanted the "they/them" part, as well😅 Hopefully you enjoy this fanfic😃👍

*Note: This fanfic contains 1 or more long paragraphs😅

🫂 Shinsou Loves Me More Than My Family, Ever Did And Ever Will🫂(Adult Hitoshi Shinsou x afab (assigned female at birth) (They/Them) reader)

Genres: Comfort fluff (or Comfort and Fluff) and Angst (Warning⚠️: Eating Disorder, chubby phobia (pertaining the any of the reader's family members), Mentions of depressive disorder, mentions of throwing up (or puke), language, and abuse from family)

When you first met Hitoshi Shinsou (he was already a pro hero), he was at a book store, as he couldn't help, but notice you at the manga section. When the both of you introduced yourselves to eachother, the both of you immediately bonded somehow, so he decided to exchange cellphone numbers with you. As the both of you got to know eachother, within the matter a weeks you decided to ask him out when it comes to being in a relationship with him, which ofcourse he will say yes to you, because he wants to be in a relationship with you, as well.

While you have told Shinsou that you have a major depressive disorder before getting into a relationship with him, at the same time, despite of your major depressive disorder things, Shinsou thought everything was sunshines and rainbows, at first. However one day, when you decided to spend the night at his place, he notices that whenever he asks you if you wanted to eat the food he offered, you refused it, including chicken nuggets. So, while you were in the bathroom, he decided to check your backpack to see what medicine you were taking. He doesn't usually snoop by any means, however with you refusing food and you not opening up about personal stuff (aside from your major depressive disorder), ofcourse he will be concerned about you.

The next thing that happened was after Shinsou started digging though your personal belongings in your backpack, he discovered some meds in your backpack and not just antidepressants... He also discovered a few bottles of weight loss meds that you bought. He was shocked about the amount of bottles weight loss (pills and/or gummies) you had in your backpack.

Once Shinsou puts all of your personal belongings exactly the way you had all of your stuff back inside of your backpack, he heard you throwing up, so he rushed to the bathroom and luckily the bathroom door was unlocked (otherwise he would have to break the door down). Unfortunately he found you passed out, from throwing up. So, he decided to clean you, before getting you dressed into your pajamas, then carrying you to his bed so you can rest easily.

When you finally regained consciousness, you saw Shinsou across from you as you asked, "What happened? Why am I in my pajamas right now, Shinsou?", as you realized you're no longer in your regular clothes. Shinsou replied, "Well my kitten... I knew something was more going on with you, than what you're telling me, especially about your major depressive disorder... So I did something I really hate doing to other people's personal belongings, which was looking through your backpack... Then I discovered that antidepressants aren't the only meds you were taking...", as he grabbed your backpack, then to dump your personal belongings on his bed (where he had you rest in), as he then continued, "After I put your stuff back exactly where they were in your backpack, I heard you throwing up, I rushed in the bathroom to see, if you were okay... Unfortunately I found you passed out, however you're lucky that you left the door unlocked, otherwise who knows what else could have happened... Care to explain why you're refusing food, taking a bunch of weight loss meds, throwing, and everything else you're going through? I need you to tell me, because I care about you and aside from your major depressive disorder, you haven't opened up to me about anything personal once... Please quit hiding stuff from me, my girlfriend... You're very precious to me..." You were shocked about the fact he told you everything he did and said, as you then had to think on wheather or not you're ready to open up to him.

You then decided to open up to Shinsou, as you know he is right. You then said, "Well Shinsou it's complicated... I know I told you I have a major depressive disorder and I never told you anything else otherwise... However both my major depressive disorder and my eating disorder is because of how my family has treated me and they still don't treat me the greatest... Brother's have called me names since probably before I was in my preteens, especially names, such as fatty and fat ass, even if I was at good weight and it has gotten worse after i gained only a few pounds from my antidepressants that I'm on. Then when I do something that upsets my dad or don't do everything my dad wants, my dad called me names, and/or threatened to disown me and/or threatened me with his cane, you name it... My mom also never wants to hear anything I say nor gives a damn about how I feel, unless it's something she wants to hear or when any of my past relationships went to hell or stuff like that. Because of my witchy mom, a couple my past relationships got ruined! And when she found out I was in a relationship with you, she only keeps getting on my case about you, Shinsou!". Shinsou then asked, "What do you mean, she got on your case about me, when I don't even remember meeting her yet, hun?". You then answered, "Well she keeps saying that you need a "real job", because she believes that "pro hero work isn't a real job" and you should all the coming over and I'm not allowed to be in a relationship with anyone unless makes her and my whole family happy and other bullshit she fucken comes up with. So, the only reason why I spent the night, because I lied to my family and told them that I was going to a family friends house to spend the night... I really wish I wouldn't have to live with my abusive family! If I had my way I would live far away from them as possible, because I couldn't take the stress anymore. I want to get out of this hellhole that I feel, so obligated to deal with when it comes to my family. They are the reason why I'm on antidepressants and weighloss meds... They're the reason why I have a major depressive disorder and eating disorder...", as you then began to sob.

Shinsou then hugged you, as he said, "I'm sorry to hear you've been going through this, my kitten. You never deserve the treatment you have been getting from your family. I get your mom might want to protect you, at the same time, from what I'm understanding, she is too overbearing. So, you're right about your family being abusive. Would you like to live with me, my girlfriend? I can even makesure your family won't know where you live, if that's what you want or if you decide on that.". You then stopped sobbing, as you had to think about making a decision on wheather or not you feel that it would be a good idea to live with him, even without your family knowing it... Then you told Shinsou that you decided to live with him, unbeknownst your family and to also get a restraining order against your entire family, as well.

After you told Shinsou your decision, he decided to cook for you, which he madesure you eat atleast something, because he wants to makesure you don't keep feeling sick from not eating food or lacking food. He tells you that he loves you and that you always will be worthy for love, regardless if you're happy with your body (and/or weight) or not. Shinsou also help you with chores. He also will give you massages and any other form of care you need, plus he will do his best to fulfill your needs. He has shown you more care than anyone ever did, including your abusive family. You knew that living with Shinsou was the best decision you had ever made.

Once you changed your address and managed to file a restraining order that will keep your family away from your abusive family for a super long time, you began to feel like you have more freedom, than you ever had in your entire life, before that night you spent the night at Shinsou's place. You knew you're in better hands, than you ever were. Eversince you started living with Shinsou, your life has been, so much better.

🫂The End🫂

Okay my Tumblr Peeps, I hope you enjoy this fanfic 😃👍And @hitoshislover , I hope you enjoyed this fanfic, as well😁👍With certain parts of this fanfic i did put alot of thought in, in a way🤔 Anyways, I really hope this fanfic makes your day, Aevyn🫂😁👍

[spnfanficpond]

New Member Spotlight - January 2024

The Pond is always growing and we want to make our new members feel welcome! Here’s a list of recent additions to our fishy family, along with a little info about them!

Guppies, Jellies, and Mutuals, oh, my!

@thebejeweledwatercat -

Other SM names? - Same name on Discord and AO3

OTP? - Samwena bit it varies

Other fandoms? - Chicago Med, fire, & PD, Stranger Things, Teen Wolf

Looking for in the Pond? - Community

Pairings you read? - OC's and Poly fics

Genres you read? - Hurt/comfort

Favorite writer(s)? - winterfire22 on AO3

What do you like to write? - Hurt/comfort, Poly, What if, AU's

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - Chicago Med - Sunshine, Moonlight, and Shadow

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - A lot actually. Mostly because I’m not good with the follow-through.

.@hello-starlingfics -

Other SM names? - HelloStarlingFics on AO3, HelloStarling on Discord, and hello-starling.bsky.social on BlueSky

OTP? - Sam/Dean. They're just too compelling!

Other fandoms? - Right now it's just SPN

Looking for in the Pond? - Connect with other writers and fans. Writing can be a lonely thing.

Pairings you read? - I mainly stick to Wincest, but will dabble in Wincestiel, Destiel, and Dean/John.

Genres you read? - I read a range of styles and tropes. Whump is probably my favourite, with the comfort optional.

What do you like to write? - I like to write a range of things! I have hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, crack where Sam and Dean are catboys, erotica, and even some gen.

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - Last Fair Deal Gone Down

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - This year I hope to write some darker stuff including Major Character Death. Balancing making it emotionally affecting while avoiding being heavy-handed will be a challenge.

.@michaelmilligan -

Other SM names? - QuicksilverCastiel on AO3, alexanderlewis on Discord

OTP? - Midam

Other fandoms? - Star Trek and Yu-Gi-Oh! (specifically JouKai as a ship - the resurgence of an old fandom for me)

Looking for in the Pond? - I would like to connect with other writers and share insights and hopefully bounce story ideas off each other.

Pairings you read? - Midam, Midamoul (Michael/Adam/Ghoul), I'm trying to branch out with Samifer and Sam in poly relationships (preferably with Gabriel, Eileen, Rowena and/or Lucifer)

Genres you read? - Fluff and Smut mostly, though some angst is good now and then. I enjoy AUs (especially fantasy and sci-fi) and won't say not to fake dating.

Favorite writer(s)? - I go absolutely feral about most (all?) of the Midam fics by saintmichael on AO3

What do you like to write? - Smut, fluff, AUs, fix-its, and lately I've been dabbling in dark(er) fic

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - That would probably be this dark(-ish) Nickifer fic: Blind Trust

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? -I've never written a case fic, which seems criminal in the SPN fandom! So far I'm not confident I could pull off the suspense aspect of the search for what monster is involved, and resolve the whole thing competently. Some suggestions on how to structure/plan a case fic would be appreciated.

@kazsrm67 -

Other SM names? - Same name on Discord

OTP? - I would have to go with Sam x Eileen I suppose.

Other fandoms? - Not much really although I occasionally read Stargate or NCIS fics.

Looking for in the Pond? - I was invited by a friend on Tumblr to be honest I'm super introverted and I can't really answer this. But I was told its a good way to "meet" other writers and get help when stuck on an idea.

Pairings you read? - I mostly read Dean x reader or Dean x OFC (this is what I mostly write as well), I do read some Sam fics and dabble in some poly fics but only with specific characters.

Genres you read? - I'll read all of these (angst, fluff, smut, crack) but I spend a lot of time between angst and smut fics. I do love a good soulmate au.

Favorite writer(s)? - So hard to pick a favorite but @spnexploration and @jawritter on Tumblr are two of my top writers.

What do you like to write? - I write a lot of soulmate fics, but I try to write many different types.

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - My Omega

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - I have a rockstar!Dean fic in mind, it would be very angsty and discuss domestic violence against men, I haven't tried writing it yet mostly because time. I work full time and am a mom but it's definitely something I am looking at diving into sooner rather than later. I think the help I could use is someone to edit and bounce ideas off. I have a good friend I do this with but sometimes I wonder if it would help to have someone else to bounce ideas off (I get shy and don't reach out tho).

That's all for this month, folks! (If we're missing anyone, let us know and we'll add them to next month's list!) Make sure to say hi to the newbies and make them feel welcome! Thanks to all from @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @thoughtslikeaminefield, @spencereliotwinchester and @heavenssexiestangel!

[hollowhearts-and-espresso]

just little solangelo thoughts

im just chilling going through the solangelo tag so heres some lil thoughts that have been provoked from such activities

-parallel between percy and annabeth standing/sitting back to back in tartarus when they finally can rest bc they have each others backs to nico and will in tsats fighting back to back bc they've both been stabbed in the back enough already

-nico is a literal fucking sewer rat kind of (in the most loving way ofc) but also hes not he literally glows with alt and gothic beauty and has a beautiful accent and an amazing smile and smooth, milky skin and will (who is kind of a beautifully groomed golden retriever) is actually a fucking dumpster dog who jumped out at him when nico was hiding in the alley and hasnt left his side since

-will watched nico let an anemic fucking loser launch himself into the atmosphere and immediately and immensely fell in love and nico took one look at the hand that still has amniotic sac fluid on it holding his and thought 'holy shit i wanna kiss him'

-apollo literally saying 'i dont care if my son has a boyfriend. i've had a lot. and compared to some of mine, holy SHIT could will be doing worse' and i think thats great

-nico and will are not achilles and patroclus they are apollo and hycanth and apollo literally mentioned the similarities he saw in the relationships and im POSITIVE hades sees it too and is so so scared for his son because he saw what losing someone he loved that much did to apollo

-even tho they're not quite achilles and patroclus their love and wrath for the otehrs death would still be enough to shake the gods and im fully convinced zues sat hades down one day and was like 'listen dude you gotta protect the little blonde kid. i dont wanna go through that again' and hades was like 'lol pussy. gotchu tho'

-william andrew solace who is the LITERAL son of sunshine and has magic glow powers and is the best medic the camp has had in years would and probably has poke an infected creature of unidentified species and decide that it’s probably maybe not poisonous and bring it to his bf because why not

-also he definitely has/will have full sleeves of tattoos on both arms and a bunch on his legs and back and they will have absolutely no specific meaning or reason or order (other than the star on his shoulderblade for his first and only love and the sun on his chest for himself)

-nico would get a lot of tattoos but they’d all mean something to him (things bianca used to like, the groups initials, etc)

-william andrew solace was born and raised in fuckin texas with his single rocker mama (who was ALSO born and raised in texas) and is an overworked med student and has gone through all that shit he’s been through by 15. that bitch is a fucking DICK. he will cut you for touching his stuff and if you’re a dick he will absolutely NOT treat you (‘i havent sworn under oath yet as a doctor, chiron’) and he has absolutely pulled a gun on someone back home for the dumbest shit

-nico is a fucking softie don’t lie. he spends one third of his time crying, the other third waxing poetic about his boyfriend will doing normal day shit, and the last third convincing his dickhead sunshine boyfriend to treat the guy with poison ivy because ‘he called me weird, will, that’s not even that insulting’

-kayla and austin have definitely thrown them in the lake. multiple times. it’s a past time at this point. leo has helped on a few occasions and lester did once only to be fucking decked by his son in law for messing up the snack he made for will while will lost his shit laughing in the back

[raccoonfallsharder]

✩࿐࿔ take your goddamn meds. [new 2/19]

fluff (smut-free) | gn reader | no use of y/n | drabble | word count: 1,288.

hey. hey you. have you taken your meds today? inquiring anthropomorphic space-raccoons want to know.

“Hey!” You grimace at Cosmo. “Captain’s in a mood already this morning, huh?” you ask the canine under your breath, ruffling the silky fur at the base of her ears. “When is he not?” her crackling voice asks from the speaker at her throat. She’s laughing, though: big doggy grin on her face, and sparkles in her eyes. “I can frickin’ hear you, you know,” Rocket snaps from right behind you. “Not all of us have bad humie ears.” You roll your eyes exaggeratedly at Cosmo, and she giggles through her speaker. Dramatically, you turn to face your Captain — right at eye-level, since you’d already been kneeling to give the Russian cosmonaut her post-breakfast scratchies. “I see you got up on the right side of the bed,” you snark, rising, and he glowers. “How long’ve you been up, kid?” You check your phone. “Like, three hours?” “You ate breakfast?” he demands, scowling, and you roll your eyes yet again. “Yes, sir.” You inject all the droll sarcasm you can into the response, with the laziest little salute you can muster up to go with it. His eyes narrow. “Take your meds?” You blink. You hadn’t been expecting that question, especially not this early in the day. “Uhm — what?”

read more on ao3 ✩࿐࿔

need more reminders from rocket?

the world is hard, and sometimes it's difficult to complete daily tasks & take care of yourself (aka rocket bullies you for your own damn good).

this is about as wholesome as it gets (for me) i think. can be read platonically or romantically. mcu-based, meant to take place post-volume-3, but headcanon however you want ♡

✩࿐࿔ take what you need masterlist

࿔ eat somethin. (wc: 576) ࿔ go to frickin bed already. (wc: 737) ࿔ get outta bed & get your shit done. (wc: 925) ࿔ take a damn bath. (wc: 1,375) ࿔ leave your frickin skin alone. (wc: 1,579) ࿔ take a fuckin study break.(wc: 1,020) ࿔ drink some goddamn water. (wc: 1,209) ࿔ stop destroying your frickin clothes.(wc: 1,609) ࿔ just buy the damn thing already. (wc: 1,271) ࿔ it's frickin laundry day. (wc: 1,923) ࿔ get some sunshine, sunshine. (wc: 1,614) ࿔ did you take your damn meds today? (wc: 1,288) ࿔ schedule your fuckin' appointments. [est 2/26] for LunaAfton♡

if you find any of these at all helpful, they're meant for you.

feel free to ✩ request reminders ✩ via reblogs, asks, and tumblr or ao3 comments if they would be helpful for you. it may take me a hot minute to get to them depending on life n stuff, but i will do my best. if you’d like to join my fanfiction taglist, please comment or send me a message or ask! ♡

@suicidalshitstick ✩ @glow-autumz ✩ @evolvingchaoswitch ✩ @wren-phoenix ✩ @pretty-chips

total word-count: 15,166

[olderthannetfic]

Alright I got kinda a bananas questions for you, but how much time do you think should be divided up between work, hobbies and people. Actually wait more specifically what do you think is a good goal to just sit down and do work, but like actually doing work. Like sitting down for 90 minutes and finishing something not working on said thing for 5 hours then finish it. Over the past couple years I kinda erm, just sorta stopped? My mental health has steadily going to shit and covid fucked that all to hell and I was spending so much time in what was essentially a state of panic(didn’t realize it at the time, but that’s essentially what was happening) that I was too exhausted to do anything and just kind of stopped. I didn’t realize it the time but now that I’m finally getting better Ive noticed how little I was doing and how doing little really negatively effects me. Its become a good marker for me to check that I’ve been actually painting, seeing friends, going for a swim but sometimes it still all goes belly up and I’m trying to figure out what is a good goal.(and whats a good marker for when fucking up) Like a realistic long term goal I can strive for and keep track of. I could real easily just say “go for a swim everyday” but that feels unrealistic. In fact I put exercise in same spot as painting so it would be more like “do hobby for an hour a day” but even that feels like a lot. The thought of that feels exhausting so at least for me it should probs be do hobby thing at least 5 times week. Big goal is to swim 3 times and paint twice or vice a versa. its just hard to do that and then I’ll feel like crap and then notice that I haven’t exercised at all for 8 days and I just don’t move around enough to do that. I’m like a dog or walking house plant that needs to go outside and move around for sunshine and blood flow otherwise I start to physically and mentally feel awful. Its just hard to notice you know? Ugh its annoying because there’s so much shit. Its not just that I need some kinda exercise I also need to do some kinda hobby thing for me and other shit that I like to do. And that isn’t even including the work I need to do. I wasn’t even working before I cannot express enough how much of “doing nothing” I was doing. I’m doing better know with meds and therapy and what not and it is helping but I’ll still get home at 7 and just look at my phone and do some combo of read fanfictin/ play sudoko till I get tired and fall asleep. Then I wake up and shocking, I’m still on bullshit. Sometimes its feels to much to shower (at least with that one I know that I can get away with one at most 2 days with out shower so if I didn’t shower the day before I can mostly just force myself into the shower) that’s what I’m trying to figure out for everything else so I can look at my self force my self to stop looking at phone and paint a shitty flower or something. I was doing pretty good but The other week I house sitter for a friend and was immediately back on bullshit. I barely left her apartment the entire time I was there I’m sure that if I actually went to class, got exercise, painted (I brought all my paints then did fuck all) I would have been able to get more work done. I think Im only actually productive when I’m actually getting up and doing crap. I’m in a contact state of “working” and doing nothing but time is moving forward. I have no idea what this anon is. Ugh whatever I’ll submit it anyway

TL;DR trying to be better at actually do stuff and not doing fuck all. Any idea on what’s a good goal to strive for and what’s a good marker for shits getting fuck go for a walk

--

Social time is going to be extremely variable. I'm an extrovert and thus lots of social time is no problem. I also do okay not seeing people though as long as I'm busy.

Exercise should be prioritized above most other things, much as I hate this. You should be doing something basically every day. I agree that swimming is likely not realistic on that schedule, but maybe a walk around the block? It sucks, but forcing yourself to get off your ass every day will help with the rest of it. Also, exercise that takes you out of the house, even if only briefly, requires that you put on clothes, which is also helpful.

Get off of social media. If you're having trouble managing things, now is the time to take a break from anything that involves doom scrolling and time just disappearing.

(I say from my bed where I'm wearing the dirty sweatshirt I slept in and no pants while answering asks instead of working on my next novel. Hmm...)

It's obviously important to you to prioritize painting, but I see the difficulty there: you have to get set up and clean up afterwards, and you can't leave paints sitting around or they dry out. I'd try to schedule one longer session per week for now. If you have something else like sketching, you can schedule more frequent shorter sessions because that's easier to pick up and put down without a lot of prep/cleanup.

I do find little morning rituals like making tea helpful. They pry me out of bed and add some structure to my day.

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

Chapter 2: Who Are You?

A/N: I am emptying my Google docs of stuff and I absolutely forgot about this!

Warnings: Mention of medication, food, alcohol, the usual. OC (minus physical description) written from reader pov.

Word Count: 5.1k+

The day passed lazily, the autumn sunshine lighting up your cabin as you stared at the blank word document on your laptop, letting out an irritated sigh when you got up to make a fresh coffee. You made an extra cup and heated up some soup for your guest. Laying it all on a tray, you quietly entered the room to find that he was awake. His piercing green eyes watched you with a fierce intensity that made you nervous.

“I made you soup. And coffee.” He didn’t say anything from his perch on the edge of the bed. He was so upright and rigid you wondered if he had a plank of wood shoved down his back. “How’s your wound?” You asked, going to touch it but he jerked away from you, his eyes dulling for a moment when he winced. “You’re in pain,” you observed. The tablets still sat on the bedside table. You reached for them and the cup of water. “These will help.” His nose wrinkled up in annoyance and you couldn’t help but think it was the cutest face you’d seen him make yet.

“What is it?” He finally asked

“It’s medicine.”

“Doesn’t look like medicine,” he retorted and you could feel your back teeth clenching together already. Cute and annoying, apparently.

“Look, it’s not the tasty kind of medicine that children take. It’s not in liquid form for smooth swallowing. It’s a pill, it’s bitter. My advice, don’t chew it. Knock it back with a shot of water and your pain will melt away.” He looked at you, the muscle in his jaw flexing as he eyed the offending white pills in your outstretched hand.

“And you’re sure this medicine is safe?” You bit back another snarky response, not sure if he’d understand, and settled for a quick nod, just hoping he’d take it. You tried not to move when he reached for the pills, his long fingers gently brushing your palm, causing goosebumps to ripple along your forearm. He quickly put them in his mouth and sipped the water with a rough swallow, his face twisting at the taste. “That’s disgusting,” he muttered.

“Here,” you nudged to tray towards him. “The soup will take away the taste of the meds. I’ll leave you to eat. If you feel up to it, I have a fire going in the living room. You could sit in there instead.” Leaving the bedroom door open slightly you headed upstairs.

You started clearing out the spare room, where you kept things like extra clothes and furniture you just hadn’t got round to getting rid of yet. Pulling some bedding from the cupboard, you began to make the bed. Your battered ribs couldn’t take another night on the sofa. As you struggled to get the duvet cover on, the pain in your side and back flared to life, pulling a loud groan from your chest. Lifting up your top you turned so you could see the black and yellow bruises that littered your sides and back. Gingerly you reached out to brush your fingers over them, wincing at the hint of pain when a noise caught your attention. Looking up you saw him in the doorway, his green eyes roaming over your bruised skin with a blank look on his face and you dropped your top.

“You shouldn’t sneak up on people,” you snapped, embarrassed that he had seen the marks on you.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.” He stood awkwardly in the doorway, clearly unsure on what to do next so you turned your back on him and continued with the bed. “Are you feeling better?”

“Surprisingly, yes.”

“Well that’s good,” you replied, trying to soften your tone. No one came here except your best friend Sage, so to have a man stand awkwardly behind you in your sanctuary made you feel weary.

Especially as the last man you were alone with put you in hospital.

Still straightening the covers on the bed you watched him, his gaze taking in everything around him. He was looking up at the wood that made the doorframe, his hand carefully reaching out for the door handle as though he wasn’t sure what it was. “Are you going to tell me more about you?” His hand snapped back to his body at the sound of your voice and you saw a muscle tic in his jaw.

“I have given you all the necessary information.” Straightening up from pulling the covers, you hid a wince, not wanting to show him the bruises hurt you all the time.

“That you’re a General in some order. Ok, I get it if it’s classified, but you’re under my roof and I’m proposing a possible trade of information.” He seemed to weigh your words before giving a curt nod of agreement. “After I’ve had a look at your wound.”

“I’m more than capable…” he started but you cut him off.

“Do you ever let anyone look after you?” He closed his mouth, his shoulders tensing slightly as his gaze slid away from you.

“No.” You heard a sort of heaviness in his tone that he tried to conceal and you let out a little sigh.

“The first aid kit is on the kitchen table, I just need to put some more cream on it and maybe another dressing and I’ll tell you whatever you want to know in exchange for some answers.” He turned smartly, the great black coat flaring with his movement, his boots clicking harshly on each step. You followed at a more leisurely pace knowing you were going to need some painkillers and just hoped he didn’t ask anymore questions regarding your bruises.

He hovered by the table watching every move you made with that calculating look that probably made other people nervous. You just ignored him, finally coaxing him to sit down and concentrating on changing his dressing, trying not to flinch every time you twisted. You poured him a coffee before sitting down with a soft sigh and a grimace you couldn’t contain.

“Have you had treatment?” He sounded hesitant, like he was crossing a personal boundary by asking about your injuries.

“I have.”

“Who?” Your gaze lifted to finally look at him. He quickly grabbed his coffee making a face at the smell but drinking it anyway. He had bright stubble starting to creep along his jawline, his hair was covering his brow, which you were pretty sure he hated as he constantly tried to sweep it back. You thought it made him look particularly dashing.

“I don’t know you well enough to have that conversation,” you told him firmly. “Anyway, what’s your name? I can’t imagine someone would call their kid General.” He fiddled with the cup for a moment, as though weighing up his options. Eventually he answered.

“Armitage Hux. Son of Brendol Hux.”

“Armitage,” you sounded out his name, rolling it over your tongue, only for him to jerk slightly at the sound of it. “You don’t like it?”

“I haven’t heard someone else say it for a while,” he confessed quietly.

“And you’re in charge of this First Order? Where are you based?” He smirked, shaking his head a little at your questions.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were a Resistance spy.”

“What makes you think I’m not?” You boldly asked with a quirked eyebrow, sounding so much more confident than you actually felt.

“Because I’d at least be bound. Or dead.”

“Oh.” You rolled your lips desperately trying to think of something to say when you frowned. “They just kill people?” Hux eyed you for a moment as though trying to figure out if you were genuine, but he did finally rest back in his chair and seemed to relax a little. “We don’t do that here. Tying people up, hurting people. It’s not allowed.”

“At all?” He asked with a furrowed brow, as though he didn’t believe you.

“No. It’s inhumane. Only people sick in the head would stoop to that level.” Hux quickly took a deep gulp of the coffee, the tops of his ears redding slightly.

“So tell me about you, Princess.”

“We can forgo the title,” you told him, wincing slightly.

“Lia.” Now it was your turn to shrug and settle back in your chair.

“There’s nothing to tell. I have no parents, I live alone, aside from my cat.”

“Cat?” You didn’t miss the slight infliction of his tone, his eyes darting to the floor as though Millicent was about to pounce on him right now.

“Oh yeah, she’s fierce,” you joked. “Might wanna watch yourself.”

“H-how big?” You narrowed your gaze but he avoided looking directly at you. The colour was creeping up the side of his neck and you guessed he was nervous.

“Don’t you like cats?”

“Like a tooka?”

“A what now?” You blinked at the odd word. This man really had lost the plot. You watched his hands, still gloved, as he gestured above his head to give you the idea of ears.

“Big mouth, teeth,” he breathed. You couldn’t help the snort of laughter and instantly he dropped his hands. His entire demeanour closed up and he stood, pulling his coat around him.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m tired,” was all he said, leaving you alone to your thoughts.

You were fairly sure neither of you had discussed anything of significance. You’d try again later. You busied yourself cooking some pasta with pesto sauce, frying strips of chicken in a separate pan. Music played from your laptop, the constant empty document glaring at you, judging you for your lack of words. Shaking the chicken in the hot garlic butter mix, you didn't hear Hux leave your room and come to stand in the kitchen. Turning, you let loose a half scream before you choked it down. He’d taken his greatcoat off but he was still dressed in the uniform he’d landed in. His hands were tucked behind his back and he cocked a red eyebrow at your reaction to his presence.

“Shouldn’t sneak up on people like that. Gave me a fright.” You downed the last of your wine and went to pour some more. “You hungry?”

“What is it?”

“Pasta, pesto, garlicky chicken,” you turned to see he looked like he was floundering a little for a response as he eyed your pans on the cooker. “Trust me, it will be nice. What do you usually eat?”

“Roasted Kajaka Root is something that has a bit of flavour and is quick to eat. I’m on the move a lot. Otherwise it’s just protein supplements.”

“What’s…?” You looked at him over your shoulder but you didn’t have it in you to ask what Kajaka Root was. “You don’t sit down and have dinner?”

“Not unless I really have to,” he murmured with a slight sniff of displeasure.

“Well in my house we sit and eat at the table.” You dished up the food, refraining from asking if he knew how to use cutlery and just giving him a fork. “Do you drink?” For the first time you saw something like relief flicker in his features at the unspoken mention of alcohol.

“Yes.”

“What’s your poison?”

“My….? I thought we were talking about alcohol?” He asked almost angrily and you smirked, opening the cupboard to the left of you.

“Things really get lost in translation don’t they? I have gin, tequila, whiskey, wine, oh and some baileys.”

“And you live alone?” He muttered.

“Yeah ok, you don’t get to judge me right now,” you told him waving a hand as though to dismiss his words. “You look like a whiskey kind of guy.”

“How arrogantly presumptuous.” You lifted your eyes for a moment, smiling to yourself as you shifted the bottles around, confident in your assessment of him.

“My friend is a waitress and I have been a barmaid myself. I know just by looking at a person what they drink,” you reached down for the closed bottle. The cap snapped as you twisted it, the deep honey coloured liquid splashed into the tumbler, you placed both the bottle and the glass next to him. You poured yourself some white wine, trying not to gawk as he wrapped his long pale fingers around the glass. He sniffed it before tasting, his lips thinning as he rolled it around his mouth and then swallowed. You felt a little bubble of pride start to warm you when he took another sip, he gave a small nod of appreciation when he put the glass down.

“So,” you picked up your own glass, swilling it as you regarded him over the top. “Where are you from? Don’t you have any friends or family I can contact for you? You literally fell out of the sky.” He chewed thoughtfully and you could almost see his thought process in his eyes as he stared at the table.

“The people you could contact, I think, are out of range. Do you really have no long range scanners? Comlinks? Am I really to believe you don’t even have a ship?”

“I live in the middle of nowhere in a forest. Do you see any ships? It’s not like I'm hiding a longboat in the loft,” you muttered.

“Not even a starfighter?” He pushed quietly.

“A…I’m sorry a starfighter?” You gazed at him in wonder, your words coming back to haunt you already. You literally fell out of the sky… He couldn’t? Could he? “Are you an alien?” You whispered. His mouth opened for a second, his face reddening as his fork slammed onto his plate.

“I am not!” But you barely heard him as your mind raced, your heart was pounding and adrenaline flooded you. This was too crazy, but you had seen him land with your own eyes!

“But you are…you came…you fell!” You stood up, the chair flinging away from you and he followed suit, clearly not trusting you. “Oh god you’re not human. Is this the beginning? Are you invading?”

“What a ridiculous notion! I do not have the time nor the inclination to invade.” You were staring at him as thunder beat in your ears. He looked human. Unusual, handsome, but human.

“Explain to me where you’re from because I’m freaking out a little and I don’t really know what to do!” Your phone was in your hand and you could see Sage’s name just under your thumb. Hux clenched his hands together at his sides, the redness receding slightly as he regarded you for a moment with those bright but pale ocean green eyes.

“I am General Armitage Hux, I come from a planet called Arkanis, where it rains constantly.” Ok that sounded sort of normal. Except it was a planet you’d never even heard of.

“How did you get here? On Earth?” You breathed, still clutching your phone in your hand which he noticed.

“This ship I was in encountered upon a herd of purrgil, they tore through the hull within moments. I managed to get into an escape pod but we were in a hyperlane,” his gaze unfocused slightly as he remembered. “We must be somewhere out in an Uncharted sector. Maybe Wildspace because I’ve never heard of your planet before and we have mapped some of the Unknown Regions in our time of hiding.” You were no astrologist but you recognised none of these words. “What do you know this system as?”

“Oh…uh…we’re in the Milkyway.” His brow furrowed.

“Do you have a star chart?” He asked softly. With shaking hands you pulled the internet up on your phone and typed in ‘solar system’. Clicking on a picture that had all the planets labelled you put it down on the table and he looked up as though expecting the picture to come alive. He made a quick face of exasperation before leaning on the table to look at the small picture.

“This is us,” you whispered, pointing to the green and blue planet.

“Are any of these inhabited?” He asked curiously.

“N-no.” He hummed slightly, almost in disappointment.

“Most intriguing.”

“Here,” you walked in a slight daze not really sure what you were hoping to achieve. Picking up the remote for the tv you carried on talking. “This channel will have all the information you could ever want about….ah look.” You pointed at the screen as he stalked towards you, he looked like a cat with all his attention focused on the screen. “A programme on NASA.”

“NASA?”

“You’re gonna need whiskey. Sit down and absorb. I need…” you faulted. You needed space to breathe, you needed to wake up from this crazy dream. “I am going to sleep and hopefully when I wake up tomorrow this will all make sense." You let loose a little hysterical giggle when you met his gaze. “Goodnight,” you said abruptly and started making your way upstairs. You went through your routine before bed, washing your face, brushing your teeth, putting pyjamas on, cracking the door open for Millicent. All normal, grounding things and by the time you slipped into bed you felt calm and relaxed. You fully expected to wake up and this all would have been a dream.

The sun streamed in, warming your pillow, and you sighed in irritation. With a groan you managed to swing your legs over the edge of the bed, an arm hugging your middle as the pain flared with your movement. The pain had lessened since you left the hospital a few weeks ago, or maybe you had just gotten used to it. At least the nightmares had eased for now. You padded to the bathroom, but the cupboard here was empty of what you needed. Wincing, you opened the bedroom door and suddenly everything crashed back to you. Two plates still sat on the table, but the bottle of whiskey and his glass were gone. As you made your way down the stairs you contemplated downing the rest of your wine, but you needed to drive to town today for food. You made coffee, occasionally glancing over at the closed bedroom door until Millicent came in meowing loudly for her breakfast.

You talked to her like normal, asking what she’d seen outside and if she’d frightened off any bears recently, but she just looked up at you with her lion-like face and those rich golden eyes. Grabbing her face you pressed your forehead against hers, letting the rippling of her purrs fill the space between you. Eventually she meowed as a reminder that she only came for her breakfast.

You made some toast, watching her trough her food as though you’d been been starving her for days on end before she sauntered back outside with a flick of her bushy tail. The coffee steamed when you poured it into your cup, adding just a dash of cream and tucking your laptop under your arm. Next you remade the fire and soon had it crackling to your liking, sitting down next to your coffee table you booted up the laptop and wrapped your hands around your coffee mug.

The bedroom door opened and you turned to see Hux emerging with his coat draped over his arm. His hair was wet. He’d obviously had a shower and now his uniform was beginning to look wrinkled in places no matter how many times he smoothed it with his hands.

“Sleep ok?” You asked, getting up and he followed you into the kitchen, ignoring the way your heart rate accelerated at his closeness.

“Yes.”

“How was the NASA programme?”

“Enlightening.”

“I love how you give answers and I have no idea if they’re good or bad." He shook his head when you pointed to the cream and you handed him the black coffee. You watched him for a moment, debating whether to tell him you were going to town today. Part of you wanted to leave him here in the cabin, but you were struck with the irrational thought he’d just disappear. If you took him along at least you’d know where he was.

“I’m going to head to town. We need food and to pick up some other bits. I think you should come with me.”

“Whatever you think is best,” was his non-committal answer to his coffee mug and you rolled your eyes.

“I’m going to get changed and then we’ll head out. Bread is on the side!” You called over your shoulder skipping your way up the stairs.

When you came back down he was standing by the window next to the coat stand. He sipped his coffee as he watched the world outside and you wished you knew what he was thinking about the little bit of Earth he could see.

“Are you ready to go?” You asked, reaching your coat.

“I can’t really say no can I?”

“Great. I will start up the Conqueror.”

“You have a ship? You lied to me?” His voice rose as his temper immediately flared and you recoiled slightly.

“Wait, what? No, it's my truck.”

“A tr…uck?” He asked stumbling over the word

“T-r-u-c-k. How can you not know what a truck is?” You retaliated.

“How do you not have a long range comlink?” He shot back, his pale skin flushing.

“How come you don’t know what planet you’re on?” You retorted with a shrug.

“How do you not know what bacta is? We could play this infuriating game all day!” He snapped abruptly.

“Whatever, we need to get you some clothes and we need to get some food.”

“I’ve got clothes,” he said with an air of indignation, his gloved hands adjusting his cuffs as he glared at you.

“Right, that uniform is not going to go down well in my town, also we have no idea how long you’re, ah, 'staying' so I am prepared to buy you some clothes so you fit in.”

“I shouldn’t have to fit in.” You pulled the keys off the hook, grinding your teeth slightly.

“I can tell you’re a man who is used to things going his way but let me tell you, Earth doesn’t work like that. The sooner you learn that the better, for both of us.” Opening the door, you motioned for him to precede you. He swept past you with a glare, his coat flaring with each step, and you followed him almost colliding with his rigid back. Mumbling under your breath you locked the door and squeezed round him. “What’s up?” You asked not seeing what he was looking at.

“What is that?” He asked, pointing and a smile alighted your face.

“That is the Conqueror,” you answered proudly, moving past him to stand next to the light blue bronco. “This is my truck.”

“How does it fly?” He asked, his tone full of shock and horror at the sight before him.

“No, no she doesn’t fly. You see these?” You asked, pointing at the chunky tyres. “These are wheels…”

“I know what wheels are, I am not an imbecile.” You thought about taking that comment and turning it into a scathing reply but you decided against it.

“Come on, get in!” You opened your door and leapt into the truck, putting the key in the ignition and making the engine roar to life. You looked back to see Hux eyeing the truck with heavy mistrust in his eyes.

“You’re an experienced pilot?” He asked over the noise of the engine and you felt like rolling your eyes.

“I am a good driver, yes. Look, please get in or the shops will be closed by the time we get there.” You shut your door and leaned across the seat to shove his door open. You watched him wearily eye up everything like it was going to fall apart before smoothly lifting himself in, his greatcoat settling neatly either side of him and he placed his hands over his legs. “You need to….oh god.” To his abhorrence you leaned over him, yanking the door shut and pulling the seatbelt across his rigid body. He pushed himself as deep into the seat as he could to stop any contact between you, which you thought was weird but you were technically strangers after all. Once he was all clipped in, much to his chagrin, you pulled away.

“What’s wrong with your hydraulics??”

“What?” You asked over the roar of the engine as you revved it, bouncing you both down the track away from your cabin.

“Your hydraulics! It’s so…bouncy!” He was squeezed into the corner by the door, his hands holding on for dear life and his face was an expression of pure horror as you rolled the truck down the hill.

“Oh! The suspension. Nothing, bouncy means it’s working right?!” You exclaimed loudly, making your truck fly up the other side.

“You’re insane.” He muttered at the heaving sensation in his stomach as your truck crested the hill at speed.

“Lighten up, General,” you smirked. “It gets smoother when we hit the road.”

“Maker, don’t hit anything!”

The rest of the journey went smoothly and in the taut silence, you noticed his gloved hand never left the handle on the door, gripping on for dear life every time you took a bend. Once you approached town he started looking around, taking everything in as best he could. Was it really that different where he was from? You imagined tall buildings made of glass with LED lights down the sides, all futuristic and out of this world. Maybe flying vehicles? He seemed surprised your truck didn’t leave the ground after all. You parked up in the street, suddenly feeling nervous at the amount of people out and about this early.

“Maybe you should stay here,” you suggested.

“What? In the death trap?” You raised an eyebrow at his haughty tone.

“This is my pride and joy,” you paused, letting him have a moment to make a face and tut in disbelief. “Trust me I don’t want to leave you in here but the people in this town won’t appreciate….all this,” you finished making a gesture that empompassed his entire outfit.

“This is the finest gaberwool…” he started indignantly but you cut across him.

“Oh stop. Stop!” You groaned and he clamped his mouth shut, a blush creeping over his pale skin. “Listen, this is my world. I’m not going to be long. Can you show some discipline and sit here while I get you some clothes and some food?” He didn’t say anything, just sat in the seat staring straight ahead. “Fine, be angry at me. You’ll thank me in the long run,” you mumbled. Stepping out of the truck, you slammed the door shut and headed into the pharmacy first. Grabbing some painkillers and fresh bandages to restock your first aid kit, you could see him sitting in your truck, his head in his hands as he took a moment for himself.

You felt like you were spying on him, seeing the resignation in his posture now that he was alone. You felt yourself softening slightly, if he was an…an alien, he must be feeling so lost and alone. Not able to contact his people, his family. You knew what that felt like, having no one around, losing everything so suddenly.

Turning away from the window, you quickly headed into the clothes store and grabbed a few t-shirts, a pair of jeans (though you were pretty sure he wouldn’t wear them), some socks and underwear. You paused with full arms, staring at a plain white shirt and you bit your lip as you toyed with the idea of getting him something slightly smarter as well. He seemed to be the type that would prefer a shirt and trousers rather than jeans. You picked up a white shirt and a plain black shirt, plus a couple of pairs of trousers and some shoes. His boots were well made. You weren’t sure if he’d give them up and you highly doubted he’d be a sneakers kind of guy.

He flinched, his head snapping up quickly when you opened the trunk and put the bag of clothes in.

“Not much longer! I just need to get us some food and then we can head back ok?” He gave a barely perceptible nod before you were crossing the road and heading into the last store. You raced around, having no idea what he ate, but you felt like you were against the clock and almost working up a sweat as you moved through the store. You picked up extras like a razor and some aftershave, a new toothbrush and a comb. You heaved the heavy bags into the boot and dusted your hands off.

“Ok we can go home….now.” He wasn’t in the front seat and you felt your heart leap into your throat. “Oh shit!” You turned frantically on the spot, not seeing a big black coat or a flash of ginger anywhere. “Oh Jesus, fuck!” You leaned heavily on the side of your truck as you tried to organise your thoughts. You felt ashamed that the first thought was to drive away and leave him here, let the crazy fend for himself but you were too nice of a person and if you were honest, you felt slightly protective of him already. He clearly wasn’t in his right mind, but he hadn’t made any attempts to harm you and you’d never live with yourself if you drove away now.

Desperately you ducked into each shop, finally coming to the diner at the end of the street and seeing him through the window. He was perched on a stool holding a cup of coffee, you could see his gloves had been removed and were poking out of the pocket in his greatcoat. His hair fanned over his brow as he nursed the drink, clearly ignoring all the looks people were shooting at him. You stepped inside, quietly coming up beside him and taking the empty space next to him. You nodded when the man behind the counter silently offered you some coffee, letting him pour it before you added a dash of milk.

“You shouldn’t take it black here,” you commented softly. “It will melt the lining of your stomach.”

“Actually this is very similar to caf, I prefer it,” he replied, picking his cup up and taking a sip. You noted the people behind him were eyeing up his coat and boots and you felt the need to move him along.

“We should be leaving, I don’t want the food to spoil in the truck.” To your relief he nodded and knocked back the coffee, he watched you pay then followed closely behind you back to the truck.

[triviareads]

I was bound to hit a wall in terms of my reading and I feel like October was the month. Three books I was very excited about reading this month ended up mostly duds, and one Russian historical romance ended up disappointing me so deeply I wrote a five-paragraph essay on it. That being said, I also found some jewels this month:

Mickey Chambers Shakes It Up by Charish Reid

This was definitely a surprise favorite; Mickey is a college professor who moonlights as a cocktail waitress (the unfortunate reality for adjuncts trying to make ends meet when they're on expensive meds for chronic illnesses), and Diego is her boss... who also happens to be her student. This book has all the beats of a cute romcom but is also very Adult and Grown-Up sexy; Diego is 42 and Mickey is 33 (much to Diego's shock; look, he just wants to feel guilty about perving on his "25" year old professor in peace okay), so they're mature enough to acknowledge the conflicts of interest here and move on. I adored Mickey's brand of sunshine (if she has to flirt a little for tips, she's in it to win it regardless of Diego panickedly trying to drag her back behind the bar), and Diego was just the right amount of grumpy to make him endearing. Also, this book has the rare interracial couple where neither person is white which I did appreciate. If you like Talia Hibbert's style of writing, you'll love this one.

Hard Way by Katie Porter

I debated whether to put this book on here because the actual Air Force stuff was kind of a drag for me (if you like Top Gun however, this might be your jam— and yes, I am now aware Top Gun is about Navy pilots not Air Force pilots thanks to @viscountessevie), but the married couple angst made it too compelling to not include. Eric (Dash) and Sunita's (Sunny) marriage is slowly falling apart, but when Sunny asks for a divorce, their argument escalates into sex. They slowly start to rediscover each other by way of sex with consensual non-consent interspersed with dates including a yakshagana performance which... wow, that was startling to read, but in an extremely gratifying way because I never thought I'd read about a Kannadiga heroine in this particular situation (Sunita is a heroine people looooved to hate on on Goodreads, but I loved her more for it).

Wrong to Need You by Alisha Rai

This is such a gorgeously emotional book I didn't properly appreciate the first time I read it back in January. Sadia is a widowed single mom grappling with her attraction to her brother-in-law, Jackson. Both of them are haunted by her husband Paul’s (Jackson’s brother) death as well as the mysterious fire that drove Jackson out of town. I adored Sadia, who sees herself as the black sheep of her overachieving immigrant family, but she's actually a very capable woman who is quietly strong in more ways than one, while Jackson is equally capable and gives Sadia the love and support she needs. Also, don't ask me how, but I completely missed the fact that Sadia has some soft domme energy so that was a delight to discover.

Wayward One by Lorelie Brown

A historical romance marketed as Great Expectations That Fucks; Sera finds out that the mysterious benefactor who paid for ten years of schooling is a crime lord of the London underworld.... who intends to marry her eventually. This book reminded me a lot of Grace Callaway's Her Husband's Harlot; both heroes have underworld beginnings and see the heroine as someone who is too pure, too perfect for them, and the heroines in turn are unwillingly placed on this pedestal. Look, I love my bit o'rough heroes (who hate themselves; the self-loathing is a must), and Fletcher here delivers— there's some prime angst about being an *animal* who's been "brought to heel" by Sera and he haaaaates it, especially because Sera is actually freaked out by their chemistry and literally has no idea what to do with herself.

Fun fact, this book is written by one half of the previously mentioned Katie Porter (who is actually two authors writing together).

A Holly Jolly Ever After by Julie Murphy and Sierra Simone

This book is adorable, sexy, and heart-warming like the best holiday-themed romances are (I say this as if I've read more than 3 holiday-themed romances). You can read my full review here, but I have to say, I loved the sexual exploration aspect of this book. Winnie slowly overcoming internalized purity-culture-inflicted shame in her thirties and experimenting with what make her feel good (including a peppermint stick vibrator; 'tis the season amirite) was genuinely such a joy to read. Also, the fact that she gets herself off to Kallum's sex tape (dw he licensed it after the initial leak), gets caught by Kallum, and he IMMEDIATELY offers to help her out?? A+++ hero right there. Reading Winnie and Kallum's nontraditional path to finding love and a safe space with one another was a highlight of the month.

[meowufff]

AHAH

Woke up very early today so I get to do this!

Goodmorning Kiki, how did you sleep?

Got anything fun planned today?

Have some waterr

Got any meds you needa take at all? You should probably do that!

I'm so glad you're awake for another day! I don't know how we'd cope without a considerate, kindhearted sweetheart like yourself! Congratulations for waking up again, I couldn't be happier that you did <3

HELLO FROGGY!

I slept very well!

Way too well cause I just OVERSLEPT ALL MY ALARMS!

But at least I am awake early enough to take my meds :D

So I have to sprint some stuff I actually wanted to have done before noon which is gonna be lots of fun I guess.

HOW ABOUT YOU FROGGY! HOW DID YOU SLEPT???

HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT YOU HIGHLY CONCENTRATED BALL OF SUNSHINE AND LOVE!