#the unnamed protagonist had some people come after him from his past and he was forced back into (insert cartel type shit here)

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

You ever make up a bunch of people in your dream and wake up like aw. They don’t exist. Come back :(

[acephysicskarkat]

Redemption, Forgiveness and She-Ra S5

So just to spite the anon who told me to stop posting my opinions, I’m gonna post another opinion!

This will contain spoilers for SPOP, Avatar: the Last Airbender, The Good Place, and Steven Universe.

So the most common take that I’ve heard about S5 from Catra stans is that it’s a story about redemption and forgiveness and that if I’m in any way critical of it then I’m saying abusers can never redeem themselves.

To which I say: the second part is a strawman argument, and the first part doesn’t help because it’s a bad story about redemption and forgiveness.

Part 1: Redemption

The problem with S5′s stories about redemption is that they are, universally, undercooked.  For things that the fanbase had been wanting for months, they’re surprisingly lacking in meaningful impact.

Catra’s is the least bad, because Catra is at least on-screen long enough to tell us that it seems to be sticking, but it’s still not good.  It’s rushed, it’s weightless, and it feels like they didn’t even check what she’d done in the past three seasons that she would need to find redemption for.

At no point does she meaningfully confront her actions (which, in case you’ve forgotten, ranged from bringing about the death of Queen Angella (S3E6), to repeated attempts to murder or permanently harm Adora (S1E11, S1E13, S2E5, S3E4-6, S4E3), to bullying Scorpia (present throughout but most obvious in S4E6), to taking part in a war crime (S4E8)), nor does she really confront the jealousy and spite that drove them.  Indeed, the episodes that could have been spent showing us her character development are spent showing us that she still has a very unhealthy attitude towards Adora (S5E6) and telling us that she underwent her character development offscreen, while we were distracted by Double Trouble (S5E8).

Hordak’s is even worse, because Catra at least admits she wronged people, even if the focus is put almost entirely on Catra feeling bad about it.  Hordak realises, accurately, that being made into a cog in a machine of conquest is bad (S5E13)...but he never makes the leap onscreen to it still being bad when he did it to other people, as he did to Adora and the other Horde kids (S2E7).  It treats Hordak’s decision to break free of Horde Prime as if it in and of itself makes him good, overlooking that the life he’s trying to go back to was the one where he ruled over an empire of stolen children.

I don’t even want to get into Shadow Weaver.

AtLA gave a compelling redemption arc to Zuko by having him confront the consequences of his actions.  SU gave a compelling redemption arc to Peridot by showing us, in great detail, her evolution from antagonist to ally.  SPOP just kinda tells us that characters are good now and expects that to work out okay.

And the really depressing thing is that both these characters actually could have sustained really compelling redemption arcs!  I would have loved to see Hordak meaningfully realise onscreen that the universe does not consist of him, Horde Prime, Imp, Entrapta, and a bunch of largely interchangeable pawns for him to treat as he sees fit.  I would have loved to see Catra wrestle with and overcome her resentment of Adora, maybe come to understand that being Shadow Weaver’s favourite fucking sucked actually.  The show just didn’t bother, and so what we got was on par with a bad fanfic or the backstory for a D&D character.

Part 2: Forgiveness

For my money, one of the best stories about forgiveness in modern media is in a third season episode of The Good Place called “A Fractured Inheritance”.

Explaining it with as few spoilers as possible, protagonist Eleanor Shellstrop discovers that her cartoonishly neglectful mother Donna faked her death and seems to have built a new life where she’s a good stepmother to a child.  Eleanor spends most of the episode convinced that her mother is running a scam, but eventually concludes that this does appear to be sticking and gives up her plan to reveal Donna’s secret, cautioning her not to go back to how she used to be.  At the end, she opens up to a friend about the trauma she sustained as a result of her upbringing.

SPOP could never.

"A Fractured Inheritance” tells a more compelling story about forgiveness in 15 minutes of screentime than she-Ra S5 managed in four and a half hours because The Good Place cares about Eleanor’s trauma.  It’s portrayed as pretty understandable that she has a grudge against her mother, and working through that takes time and sustained proof that Donna has changed.  More than that, forgiveness isn’t portrayed as a magical button that instantly solves Eleanor’s issues; just because she’s letting go of her anger towards Donna doesn’t mean that the harm she suffered as a result of Donna’s neglect goes away.  Her fear of opening up or being vulnerable, stemming from a childhood of constantly being shat on when she did, is still there, even after reconciling with her mother.

Contrast this to She-Ra S5.  The second Catra says she’s sorry, Adora is willing to forgive her and go across the universe to help her (S5E3), even though in their last interaction, back in S4E3, Adora actively tried to kill her for pretty darn compelling reasons (you may remember those reasons from S3E4-6).  Adora gets, like, a brief rant in S5E4 where she seems to be confused about this, but there’s never a point where she meaningfully seems to process the trauma she’s suffered as a result of Catra’s treatment of her, which we know has been toxic, controlling and unhealthy since they were kids (S5E3).

More than that, there’s never really a point where any of the people Catra victimised in the first four seasons gets to deal with that.  Glimmer seemingly never realises that Catra is why her mother is dead (S3E6), which is especially jarring given that the effects of Angella’s death on Glimmer drove the entire previous season; Entrapta barely remembers that Catra betrayed her and sent her to her presumed death (S5E6); Bow thinks someone who’s done nothing but attempt to hurt his friends for as long as he’s known her is adorable (S5E8); Scorpia forgives her before she even finishes saying sorry (S5E13); and both Frosta decking her in S5E9 and Perfuma’s understandable irritation with the woman who bullied her GF in S5E10 are portrayed almost as jokes, the latter never escalating beyond mild rudeness.

This also extends to Hordak, who, after his tissue-thin face turn in S5E13, gets a baffling montage that tries to portray his picking up an abandoned child and indifferently turning her over to an abusive sorceress (S2E7) as somehow heartwarming and a big bonding moment, and then the notion that Mermista might have some grudges against the guy who burned down her home and displaced her people (S5E7-8) is framed as comic.

I’m not even saying that neither of these characters should never be forgiven by anyone!  Just that the forgiveness they get in the show is lacking in dramatic weight, because the actions that are being forgiven don’t feel like they mean anything.  Catra has hurt Adora, Glimmer, Entrapta, Scorpia, Mermista and countless unnamed innocents, and it’s all treated like it has the same impact as borrowing Adora’s Xena DVDs and forgetting to give them back.  Hordak should be considered Etheria’s greatest monster given the number of people who’ve died as a result of his actions and maybe one person is slightly irritated at the prospect of having to send him a Christmas card this year.

(This is without getting into the fact that Glimmer and Entrapta are expected to deal with the consequences of their actions to some degree, with each getting an episode focused around that (S2E2, S2E4).  It’s kind of wild that Glimmer nearly destroying the world because she took a reckless risk in a desperate gamble to try and save the people she cares about from the Horde blitzkrieg, a gambit that she immediately tried to fix when she realised she’d fucked up (S4E10-13) is treated as something that causes a notable rift in her friendships, but Catra nearly destroying the world because she was just that jealous of Adora (S3E3-6) is breezed past with an “I’m sorry.”  Entrapta building the robots causes the Alliance to hold grudges; Hordak waging 25 years of warfare is [shrug] Just Horde Clone Things.)

3. Salvaging These Plot Points

Now, as I implied above, the notion that I think these characters are irredeemable is a bullshit strawman, a thought-terminating cliche that Catra stans use to dismiss criticism without processing with it.  So how would I go about it?

Catra

I would start by having Catra and Glimmer be in the same escape.  Having her attempt to sacrifice herself in S5E3 had some weird thematic issues given her previously established self-destructive streak (S2E5, most of S3).  If we have to keep the bad plot point where Adora recovers the friend who loves and cares for her and immediately goes “well, we gotta leave our friends back home to deal with a colonial invasion while we charge across the universe to save my abusive stalker ex who’s never respected my personhood or autonomy”, I’d probably look at the two biggest missed opportunities in the season: S5E6 and S5E8.

S5E6 is terrible, and should just be expunged mercilessly with fire for its baffling endorsement of the sentiment “yes i abused u but now u hate me so i’m the victim really”.  Its replacement should probably be focused around Adora genuinely processing the harm she’s sustained as a result of Catra’s treatment of her, probably deciding at the end that she’ll accept Catra’s help but is still understandably suspicious of her given the established mistrust (S1E8) and hostility (S4E3).

S5E8 is easy to fix, though; instead of it mostly being the characters bumbling around a haunted house, I’d make the setting actually do stuff for the characters’ arcs.  We already know that First One ruins can bring up memories, so I’d turn it into a reversal of S1E11 where Adora and Catra’s friendship can actually be rebuilt, probably culminating in Catra saving Adora from falling off a cliff as a symbolic rejection of the resentment she would have been struggling with throughout the episode.  This is probably where Adora starts to actually believe that Catra has become a better person.

Basically, the goal here is to show the audience that Catra is working to overcome her issues and become a better person, instead of telling us that it happened offscreen.

Hordak

The problem with Hordak’s face turn is that at no point in the show, including after we’re supposed to treat him as Good Now, does he seem to give a shit about anyone not on a list that contains maybe 4-5 names.  I’d probably put in some scenes earlier where his experiences seem to be actually changing him for the better: maybe his response to Entrapta asking him to spare Catra isn’t to commute her sentence to a suicide mission, or he feels a sudden sympathy with a captive Etherian after the fall of Salineas, as the shared feelings of loss line up, and orders their release.  Basically, the idea is to put in some groundwork so that it actually feels like he might be safe to have around, instead of him betraying his tyrannical overlord because he misses his life where he was, himself, a tyrannical overlord.

I also would not play the idea that people might be a little bit suspicious of a man with a 25-year history of ruthless oppression, colonial violence and unprovoked warmongering as a joke.  Just one of those personal quirks.

4. Summary

In conclusion:

S5 is a bad story about redemption because it doesn’t give the characters being redeemed engaging or compelling redemption arcs, favouring a blind rush to the ending, and it’s a bad story about forgiveness because it treats the actions that are being forgiven as though they don’t mean anything, even when episodes or entire seasons have been built on the effects of those actions.  It’s not that these ideas are bad in general, that these characters axiomatically couldn’t be redeemed or that forgiveness is problematic; it’s just that the execution is bad.

Anyway, thanks, jackass anon, for inspiring me to set down my thoughts in detail like this!

[mediaeval-muse]

Book Review

Confessions of the Fox. By Jordy Rosenberg. New York: One World, 2018.

Rating: 4.5/5 stars

Genre: historical fiction, queer fiction

Part of a Series? No

Summary: Set in the eighteenth century London underworld, this bawdy, genre-bending novel reimagines the life of thief and jailbreaker Jack Sheppard to tell a profound story about gender, love, and liberation.

Jack Sheppard and Edgeworth Bess were the most notorious thieves, jailbreakers, and lovers of eighteenth-century London. Yet no one knows the true story; their confessions have never been found. Until now. Reeling from heartbreak, a scholar named Dr. Voth discovers a long-lost manuscript—a gender-defying exposé of Jack and Bess’s adventures. Is Confessions of the Fox an authentic autobiography or a hoax? As Dr. Voth is drawn deeper into Jack and Bess’s tale of underworld resistance and gender transformation, it becomes clear that their fates are intertwined—and only a miracle will save them all.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: sexual content (as in sex acts, not the mere presence of lgbt+ people), blood, graphic depiction of top surgery, violence, racism, gender dysphoria

Overview: I didn’t know what I was expecting when I picked up this book, but something about it just hit all the right angles for me. I adore historical fiction that not only aims to imitate the aesthetics of the period, but also focuses on underrepresented identities, such as queer, non-white, and working or poverty class people; thus, it was inevitable that I would find Confessions of the Fox would be so engrossing. I do understand that this book might not be for everyone, as Rosenberg plays with a lot of academic ideas that usually fall in the realm of theory, but personally, I loved that this book wasn’t just about trans identity. While gender and identity and queerness were at the heart of this book, Confessions was also about archives and policing and commodities and so much more - things that were related and engaged the more academic part of my brain, but somewhat complicated for casual reading. Nevertheless, it was ambitious and smartly-constructed, so I’m giving it a high rating, even if I have quibbles here and there.

Writing: As a former academic and lover of history, I very much enjoyed Rosenberg’s approach to genre, form, and writing. It would have been easy to simply write a story using modern aesthetic tastes, but Rosenberg goes out of his way to imitate the prose style of the 18th century. I loved the richness of the vocabulary and the complexity of the sentences, as well as the juxtaposition of the sacred and profane. It was refreshing to read such beautiful prose that the author clearly put a lot of love into, and if you want to be so immersed in a story that you feel like you’re reading a historical document, I think Rosenberg does a wonderful job.

I also really loved the way Rosenberg wrote about trans identity in the 18th century. There are passages, for example, where Jack’s attention wanders while being dead-named, where Jack expresses feelings of confusion or freedom when talking about his physical body, where he talks about the process of coming into being when he heard Bess use his name, etc. I thought these passages were the most beautifully written and impactful, and they stayed with me the most after I finished the book.

These 18th century “confessions” are accompanied by a number of footnotes, written by a character named Dr. Voth in the present day. In these passages, Rosenberg shifts his tone and style, thereby differentiating between past and present without having to constantly remind the reader that Jack and Bess’s story is told through something of a frame. I think the choice to have footnotes instead of chapters where Voth’s POV takes center stage was a good one - it more effectively created parallels between the 18th century story and Voth’s personal story, and reminded the reader that history (especially trans history) evolves as a result of a kind of archival work, collected in pieces by many different people. In that sense, form matched function, which I am always delighted to see in my novels.

That being said, I can’t say I enjoyed Voth’s voice all that much. This criticism is probably a personal preference rather than anything Rosenberg did wrong - I just think Voth’s voice felt a little too conversational, like he was talking to someone instead of writing.

Plot: Most of Rosenberg’s novel follows Jack Sheppard and Bess Khan as they discover Jack’s identity, evade arrest, and disrupt a horrifying commodity trade (so to speak). In my opinion, the plot points surrounding Jack’s personal journey were incredibly well-constructed; I felt that the evolution of Jack’s gender identity, the romance between Jack and Bess, and their evolution as criminals were all very compelling and touched on a number of engrossing themes, from gender to poverty to anti-capitalism. Granted, there were some areas where I think the pacing dragged, but part of me thinks this was due to the 18th century style and genre conventions, more than anything Rosenberg was doing wrong.

In Voth’s footnotes, we also get something of a personal story which includes Voth being coerced into working for an exploitative publishing company at the direction of his university administrator. As we go through the footnotes, Voth recounts conversations he had with these figures while also disclosing details about his failed relationships - with one ex in particular. While I did like the parallels that exist between the manuscript and Voth’s own life, there were some things that challenged my suspension of disbelief. For example, I would never expect an academic to record personal anecdotes and intimate confessions in footnotes for an academic project. Maybe that happens in academic circles outside mine, and I understand it needs to happen for plot reasons (just reading references to critical theory or secondary sources would be boring for most people), so this criticism is coming from a place of being too close to the setting surrounding the text, in a way.

I also think that there were some passages where sexual activity would be mentioned where it was not needed. I do understand, on some level, that sex and sexuality is an important topic in trans studies (and queer studies as a whole), and I don’t want to appear too prudish. However, I think random references to a character masturbating, even if they were making a point, were a bit egregious. I was especially put off by the story of a 15 year old masturbating (in the present-day footnotes), and though I understand the story was illustrating an academic concept and books should acknowledge that (many) teens do have sex drives, it was also a bit much for me, personally.

Characters: Jack, our primary protagonist, is interesting and complex not just because he struggles with his identity as a trans man, but also because he struggles with acting in ways that are not out of self-interest. Though he is a thief and thus acts in self-interest in understandable ways, he eventually uncovers an operation which involves the production of a drug-like substance (or something - that’s the best I can describe it). Bess demands that he destroy all samples so that the substance can’t be reproduced by others, but Jack wants to confiscate the samples for himself to make a huge profit. I liked that this conflict existed, not only because it showed Jack as having other challenges in his life other than his gender identity, but it also spurred character growth and emotional turmoil.

Bess Khan, a prostitute and Jack’s lover, was written in a way that respected sex work and provided commentary on race and policing. I really liked that she had a strong set of principles and desires that were larger than herself, and I liked that she was confident and forceful where Jack could be meek and unsure.

Other rogues were equally loveable and admirable. Jenny, another prostitute, was a nice example of women forming networks of support within the criminal underworld while also showing how white women (even prostitutes) are treated differently than non-white women. Aurie, a black queer man, was also a supportive friend to Jack who is frequently instrumental in his survival. There is also a wide variety of named and unnamed rogues who were non-white and/or queer in some way, providing a rich array of characters that dispels the assumption that 18th century England was homogenously white and straight.

Our main antagonist, Jonathan Wild, is a bit less interesting in that he’s mainly just corrupt. I personally didn’t care for the chapters from his perspective, though I do understand that he functions as an important, symbolic figure that embodies all the things Jack and Bess work against (capitalism, police corruption, etc.).

Voth, our modern day commentator, has his moments, but sometimes, I would waffle back and forth between finding him engaging and finding him pretentious. I understand that he is supposed to be flawed, and I sympathize with a lot of his plights - mainly the pressure from his university and the anxiety he suffers from. But also, I found his voice to be somewhat combative, and if the point was to make a complicated, likeable-sometimes-unlikeable-other-times character, then I think Rosenberg succeeded.

TL;DR: Confessions of the Fox is a beautiful debut novel that engages with trans identity and history, though it does so in a way that may be a bit too academic for some readers. But while it definitely demands much of your attention, Rosenberg ultimately delivers a rich, engrossing story that reaches beyond the historical and textual boundaries of the page and invites the reader to see themselves as part of a vast network that is constantly “making” and “becoming” itself.

[cateringisalie]

Village: Resident Evil ramblings

(Some spoilers)

Ethan Winters is a goddamn idiot.

I say this without a shred of nostalgia; I first encountered him in RE7 and feel less than nostalgic towards the guy. RE7 without the benefit of the former entrants was a FPS horror and pretty good. Though you couldn’t escape that the characters you remembered were the Baker family and Mia; Ethan was a walking camera with a gun and some very simplistic emotional responses (fear, rescue wife, escape, swear occasionally). Having now run through the whole sequence of games, Ethan stands out starkly as the blandest and least interesting protagonist the series ever produced. He is possibly worse than Piers. Village updates Ethan’s personality. A bit. Well. Not really. Still got that fear, still got the swearing. Still got a mind to escape. But rather than rescue his wife, it’s about rescuing his daughter. I mean; Mia was gunned down and shot a further 9000 times by infuriating series stalwart Chris Redfield a little under ten minutes into the game proper. Not that Ethan really comes to terms with the trauma. By minute fifteen of the game the van you’ve been shoved in by Chris (who doesn’t shoot you for no reason he feels like explaining) has crashed and Ethan’s daughter is missing. Mourning Mia doesn’t actually enter into Ethan’s thought process. Goddamn idiot. Not to say that life with Mia was exactly picturesque; a few years after RE7 the couple are now somewhere nebulous in Eastern Europe in a very lovely house with a distressing number of empty wine bottles in the kitchen. A happy marriage this does not seem to be given Mia doesn’t want to get into the events of RE7 anymore, but Ethan does – but also failing to understand that the cover-up of the incident might be why no one is talking much about the whole mess in Louisiana and that bringing it up both distresses and angers Mia. But; the inciting incident has occurred and we’re propelled into our new scenario. Ethan; once again fish out of water, and its not like we have a choice. This is not to say Village does not repeat the same narrative trick of changing POV character, but there is both less of that, and the Half-Life-style regimented first person view jarringly completely goes out the window in the last quarter. It was less than consistent at points, but sparingly when occasionally and jarringly camera angles shifted to depict an introduction. But the game is also perfectly happy to render whole FPS sequences with gun visible and everything as it plays out a story beat, so... I don’t know? Fortunately Ethan’s environment and the setting are much more interesting. The unnamed Village is a satisfying knot of tangled streets, locked doors and environmental obstacles. Enemies don’t respawn per se, but additional enemies are added on subsequent visits to the effective hub of the game. There’s livestock to kill and give the Duke – the merchant playing a similar role to the pirate-like guy from RE4. Duke’s an entertaining character (some have objected to his physical and hugely overweight depiction); chatty and far more knowing than he will let on. He has a dangling thread come the end so perhaps will reappear elsewhere. He’ll sort the gun upgrades, supplies, let you sell treasure and point you towards your next destinations. Which is just as well as the human population of the village dies out somewhere between the first and second hour. No one left and any futile attempts to save people end in almost hilariously disastrous tragedies (no Ethan, don’t go higher in a building that is on fire). Leaving you with Lycans, zombies and gargoyles to fend off. Occasionally there’s some bigger foes on the level of the Executioner from RE5 but nothing on the level of the Tyrants. That kind of thing is left to the Village Lords. The villagers – before they all die – have a curiously unfamiliar religion and praise a figure known as Mother Miranda. She reportedly kept the village safe, but something has changed and now the Lycans run amok and without restraint. Not hard to pin that the reason for the change is Rose’s arrival (or could it be Ethan? COULD IT? No. Man is a goddamn idiot). The only door out of the village you can open is to Castle Dimitrescu and... It feels unnecessary to even get into what awaits. Given fandom have been so noisy about the tall lady and her vampiric daughters since the first trailer. She is so very, very tall. The castle is the first mode of Village. Possibly closest to RE7; Dimitrescu’s daughters are vulnerable based on certain environmental details (read the notes!) but otherwise should be fled from. Dimitrescu herself is invulnerable to everything bar one weapon and you need to work at getting that, so she needs to be fled from. Otherwise, explore the castle, find treasure. Sneak. Solve puzzles. It all looks suitably gorgeous and you get multiple chances to see if as you loop through the rooms and unlock more doors. The Village macro mechanics wrought as micro here. There’s a canny hint at a late reveal in the blunt utility of in-game mechanics to be had too. But – really should have been obvious given their prominence in the trailer – given Castle Dimitrescu is the first level, it means we must say goodbye to the very Tall Lady with knife hands and move onto someone else. In between levels, we get the first reinforcement of a tease from the trailer; the symbol of the Umbrella corporation. Its engraved into a location called the Ceremony Site. Its daubed on a cave wall as high as the Tall Lady. Its on the strange structure you insert the yellow flasks each Village Lord guards. And it means... almost nothing. RE's meta-plot has always been a mess and everyone’s favorite pharmaceutical company hasn’t been so active for a while, so the idea that we might be getting into some interesting weirdness with them again is oh so appealing. And yet – I was disappointed. Despite the repeated glimpses of the familiar white and red logo, the connection ultimately comes down to one letter I found at about 7/8s of the way through. Oswell Spencer – founder of the company – visited the Village years ago and saw the cave painting and adopted it as his logo. Oh. That’s... underwhelming. The same letter does at least prod at wiring Village’s latter reveals into the formation of the company along with tying in some parts of RE5 but if you thought this would be the company or the family dynasty origins or anything like that, you are in for a disappointment. It’s a tease and one that goes nowhere and does little. Oh we might now see how Spencer got into the whole inadvertent zombie making mess but its not a factor in the plot of this game nor does it really change the stakes of the previous. Perhaps I should be glad it’s so frivolous given other retcons in certain other franchises, but it feels so suspect to have drawn the attention and then shuffle the implications out the side-door. At least the other village lords have their own appeals. The second level is RE once again stealing PT (the PS4 demo to announce Silent Hills) given Konami outright don’t care about it anymore. Stripped of your guns and inventory, it’s a claustrophobic puzzle level requiring you to hide with mechanics familiar to both Evil Within and Alien Isolation. That same loop of rooms as you seek out puzzle solutions and hide from a staggeringly distressing malevolent entity. The third is combat light until the final confrontation; the fight staged in a flooded village – oh and Chris who still doesn’t shoot you but refuses to explain anything. And the fourth cheats. Heisenberg is thoroughly entertaining and grabs two levels for his own; an assault on a stronghold and his horrible cyborg factory outside of town. He has Magneto metal powers. Heisenberg is the camp villain to outdo the other camp villains. He’s having fun, he kinda likes Ethan and is oddly on his side. He found time to put together massive signposts to direct Ethan onto the last two levels (a good thing too given his lack of sense). But both levels are lacking. The Stronghold is a relentless firefight against hoards of mook enemies; the factory is overly long and maze-like. I am as tired as Ethan when he exclaims “What more?” And after Heisenberg is dealt with; the long, convoluted lurches to the ending. First person goes out the window. The game dabbles in characters toying with your understanding of what was going on but in a strangely limited way and completely ignoring the other implications of the reveal. Suddenly you mow down more and more enemies than ever before, bullets scarcely a concern. The final reveals of who/what/where/how come through. Not exactly explicable for what’s on-screen, but the effort’s been made to tie Village’s overt supernatural tendencies back into a world setup in RE. Its not magic and those are not truly werewolves. And the villain’s motivation is! Hugely disappointing. Connected as it is to the Umbrella letter, you might hope for something completely out there, but its unsatisfying and feels pretty sexist too. Or at least lacking in imagination to an astonishing degree and yet here we are. The game feels sloppiest as the final boss fight arrives flitting between characters without the shaky but workable character hand-offs RE7 deployed. Back in first person mode to talk to Duke one last time before engaging in.... a relatively simple boss fight. All the boss fights have been pretty easy – there’s nothing on the level of RE6’s sometimes horrendous contextual fights, or the annoying two-player RE5, nor the demanded accuracy of hitting specific weak-points as in RE7. And I don’t mind that. Unload all your weapons and keep your health up. And victory. There are fix-it fics already, but really, I don’t see the point in trying to fix the issue these people have. There’s an obvious setup for a game past this one with a strange throw-away reveal in the end-sequence (whither RE9, Revelations 3 or something else there are no clues as yet). There’s a spoiler for the sting given the end-credits lists a character who didn’t appear in the main game. The sting itself might wind up drawing on the sting from Revelations 2. Village is not RE at its best, but is at least more in the spirit of goofy, campy nonsense than 7. It at least is more at home with playing with the trappings of horror while not actually trying to be outright scary. As with 7, the villains are more interesting and more memorable than the good guys. And – as I found out after completing the game – we were robbed of Ada Wong dressed up like a Bloodborne character somewhere in the game. And that I think is the biggest shame of all this.

[irhinoceri]

I read “I Am The Messenger” by Markus Zusak several years ago, sometime between 2002 and 2005 (because I know it wasn’t brand new when I read it but I’m pretty sure “The Book Thief” hadn’t been published yet) and at the time I loved the book. I thought it was amazing. I vaguely remember thinking the ending was a bit anticlimactic, that the resolution to the mystery of who was sending the cards felt unsatisfying, but I loved the rest of the book so much I felt like hardly mattered.

Well... gosh.... hmmmm. I have very complicated feelings now, because I listened to the audiobook, and though the narrator being Australian really gave it that perfect voice that I wasn’t able to achieve in my head when I first read it, it was a slog. I thought about turning it off several times because I just couldn’t.... stand.... it.

And it’s making me think again about The Literary Discourse posts about whether a story is good or bad based on the moral conduct of the main character. And while Ed is certainly not the most unlikeable character ever, the really problematic aspects of both him as a protagonist and a POV character leapt out at me in 2021 the way they almost completely went past me in the early 00s. I was younger, I was far more conservative, so even reading books with swearing and sex and violence in them felt kind of revolutionary to me at the time, but still. I am trying to remember what it was that I liked about it.

Part of the problem is the textbook case of The Friendzone that runs throughout the book re: Ed being in love with Audrey who considers him her best friend and refuses to have a sexual relationship with him, though she comes to him for emotional intimacy and the sort of borderline sexual intimacy of being barely clothed around him, getting drunk and sleeping with him (platonically) all while maintaining vigorous sexual relationships with other boyfriends, who mostly go unnamed because they don’t matter.

In the end, of course, Audrey finally relents and comes to him and they get together, which feels hollow to me because a far more satisfying outcome would be for Ed to learn to move on and find someone else, or at least to let Audrey go (which he ostensibly does, but then he is “rewarded” for letting her go by her finally being willing to start a sexual relationship with him). And I’m just going.... why can’t he let her go and that’s it? Why can’t it be that he lets go of the desire to have a relationship she is not willing to give, and it truly does free him? That is a wonderful feeling. I’ve been “in the friendzone” as a girl in love with guys who valued me as a friend but found me sexually unappealing, and never once did it turn out where they finally woke up one day to realize that the emotional connection we had was more important than the sexual chemistry they had with the girls they actually wanted to date. You know what feels like Growth? The point where you realize that you don’t actually Want to date that person anymore, and the point where you are free from the desire and the unrequited yearning.

I wish more stories with Friendzone plots had the guts to end the story that way. Even (or especially) in a case like this where she’s constantly telling him that he’s her best friend and the only person she loves and that’s why she’d can’t have a sexual relationship with him and coming to him at night for cuddling after she’s had E rated fic levels of sex with her “boyfriend” she doesn’t Love.... like jeezus I do feel bad for the guy in the Friendzone when the story is framed like that, you know? And this is probably how most incels think of themselves, as the long suffering Only True Gentleman who is Better than the Chad getting all the pussy (even while he’s overcome with lust whenever the Love Interest enters the scene and we have at least a few sentence describing her hips and legs and breasts).

Anyway, at this point this particular phenomenon has been debated, hashed out, disproven, what have you.... so to re-read a story where it’s so firmly romanticized and realize I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it the first time around it was an eye-opener. I was torn between disgust at the protagonist for his constant objectification of Audrey and disgust with him for allowing her to emotionally manipulate him for literal years while she fucked around and kept him her back pocket (thus the near perfect embodiment of the highly sexual yet unattainable friendzoner). I was never rooting for them to become a couple. I was always rooting for Ed to get over her or for her to leave him him alone.

The other thing that really got to me was how Ed was stalking literally everyone in the story, including a 15 year old girl whom he lusted after despite repeatedly saying he wasn’t a creep and he wasn’t doing it For Those Reasons.... but it was Okay because stalking people to help them was the point of the whole story.

(Quick plot beak down... after foiling a bank robbery, 19-year-old taxi driver (it was 2002 so he’s basically an Uber driver) Ed Kennedy starts getting playing cards with cryptic messages on them, in the form of addresses or clues to addresses, and when he goes and stalks the people who live there, he figures out some way they need help in their lives and helps them, thus growing in confidence as a person along the way.)

At the end he’s helped a lot of people and learned to be a better person, almost a la Bill Murray in Groundhog Day... and the only thing left is to find out who has been sending him the playing cards and orchestrating events all along. Without spoiling it, the answer is very unsatisfying and unclear. It’s almost a precursor to the narrator/character of Death in “The Book Thief” but far less defined and a bit more like “Stranger Than Fiction” in a boring way.

The other thing that kept driving my a little crazy was the fact that Ed was only 19. I felt like I was reading about a guy in his 30s. He just felt like such an Old and Jaded character, and granted some 19-year-olds have lived harder lives or whatever... but also he had his own apartment and full time job and a close knit circle of friends he met up with in person regularly... and yet it was hammered home again and again that he was a loser. A pathetic person who hadn’t accomplished anything in life and never would.

Granted, it was 2002 when this book was published. But a 19-year-old with their own apartment and job? In THIS economy? And THREE (3) IRL friends whom he gets together with on a regular basis??? Okay so he’s not having sex, big deal. This guy is a fucking success by any millennial barometer, though I suppose a 19-year-old in 2002 would be a Gen Xer?? Hmmmm no I turned 17 in 2002 and I’m a millennial so... whatever. Tangent.

Anyway, the whole book hinges on this idea that he’s a total loser and needs to learn to.... connect with people... and make a difference in the world.... and ok look I’m not saying he shouldn’t be aspiring to bigger things than being an Uber driver, but I have a 39 year old friend who is an Uber driver! And he’s a cool guy and a smart person and is valued by his friends! It’s Okay! To have! A service job! And also he’s going back to school and trying to get his life back on track and all, which is good, and I’m not saying Ed shouldn’t do the same thing or whatever. But I don’t know, this story just feels so much more like it would hit harder if the protagonist was in his mid 30s instead of 19. I just felt like telling everyone, the author included, to chill the fuck out and lay off Ed for not being the fucking poet laureate of Australia (is that a thing?) or surgeon general at 19 years old, a year after his alcoholic father died. I will say it again: JEEZUS.

Also also there’s a pretty disturbing rape plot where Ed must save a woman from her rapist husband, and I’m not gonna say that much about it beyond the fact that hopefully we, as a society, can progress past rape plots that revolve around an outside male observer. I mean, good on anyone who tries to help someone who is currently trapped in a domestic abuse situation, but the particular way that plot was handled in this story was just all kinds of gross and it gets even worse in retrospect at the end.

This post is not meant as literary criticism. I have an English degree and I know that this post would not hold up as a paper by any stretch of the imagination, it would get an F as a work of literary criticism, this is just me thinking about how I feel now versus how I felt nearly 20 years ago when I loved this book.

[sword-dad-fukuzawa]

No Longer Human, a spoiler-free review

I’ll be honest, this book was a lot harder to get through than The Setting Sun. It’s less of a story with a coherent plot and more the ramblings and digressions of a diary. I’ll say this right off the bat--it’s sad, terribly so, but not in the way where you’ll be left sobbing after. It’s sad in a quiet, resigned way, where you’ll be left feeling a little bereft and empty after finishing it. No Longer Human is the story of a man who hates himself, and who has nobody to blame for his tragedy but his own poor choices and poorer circumstances. 

The framing device is an unnamed narrator, who was given three photos of a man named Yozo, and three notebooks written by him. He describes his early childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, with dry contempt for both himself and the people around him. 

Yozo feels disconnected from the people around him because he doesn’t understand them. He feels alienated and different, and says from the very start that he doesn’t consider himself human. To cope, he develops the persona of a clown, who makes jokes and messes up on purpose so people are amused by his antics--and never look too hard at who he is behind the mask.

Yozo’s characterized by a few things; namely, great fear and self-hatred. He clowns around because he’s scared that people will realize he’s not a human like the rest of them. Everything he does throughout the novel is because he is so fundamentally terrified of discovery, as being outed as different. This fear manifests itself as social anxiety, the inability to say no or argue with others, and a general lack of agency when it comes to making good choices. 

Honestly? I could relate to a lot of it. The feeling that I’m deceiving everyone into thinking I’m a good person is one I’ve struggled with, and it defines Yozo’s own character. 

It’s Yozo’s self-hatred that brings his reliability as a narrator into question. A prominent theme in NLH is the difference between how Yozo sees himself and the way people see him. Because, of course, Yozo thinks he’s a fraud. An accomplished actor, who has managed to fool almost everyone into thinking he’s a human like the rest of them. He fails to realize that he’s just as human, just as deeply flawed and full of pain, as the people around him--and it’s this singular problem from which his suffering emerges. 

NLH isn’t a story with typical character arcs where people grow past their flaws and become better people by the end. It’s a record of a man’s trauma, and his spiral downwards. What makes it tragic is that if someone had stepped in at any point to give him a hand, to tell this man that he was seen, that he wasn’t alone, his life wouldn’t have ended up being so damn terrible. 

(NLH is apparently semi-autobiographical, which makes me feel really, really bad for IRL Dazai.)

My final thoughts: yeah, you should read this book, as long as you’re in the right headspace to read about some really dark mental-health themes. It’s definitely sad, and the language can get dense sometimes, but it’s worth the read. And reread, probably, because the first time through felt like a bit of a fever dream. 

Why? It’s the kind of book that inspires empathy. 

Yozo, despite thinking he’s not human at all, is a surprisingly relatable protagonist. His introspection always proves thought provoking, and the book leaves you wondering about your own life. Is your image of yourself the same image other people see? Are you happy with the decisions you’ve made in your life? Who around you is struggling?

More importantly, have you noticed? 

Anyway, non-spoiler-free book review incoming. It’ll probably be split up into several parts, because, as usual, I have entirely too much to say. 

[sweetsmellosuccess]

NYFF 2020: Part 1

It’s been a curious season of festivals  —  as always, Venice, TIFF, and the NYFF go more or less back-to-back-to-back, making for an almost indecent amount of captivating offerings for all but the most gluttonous of cinephiles  —  but not without its charms. In this time of massive uncertainty in the industry, amongst film distributors and theaters particularly, it’s deeply reassuring to know the medium is still capable of powerful statements, exquisite imagery, and haunting performances as it ever has.

Mind you, next year at this time, if there’s still no widely available vaccine, there might be a more serious dearth of selections, but for what has been an unsettling and mostly miserable 2020, we can thank the stars that films are often shot a year or more in advance of their release.

This year’s NYFF (still ongoing, as I write this) has provided some glories and some failures, more or less in keeping with the usual standard. Herewith, a quartet of selections, ranging from a resurrected Hungarian triumph, to a modern French non-romance, to the debut of a new and energizing auteur.

Damnation (1988) Dir. Bela Tarr

Perhaps no setting in cinematic history is more appropriate for shooting in low-contrast black and white than late ‘80s, post-communist Hungary. Bleak, drab, and pelting with rain, the landscape bleeds in shades of grey. Bela Tarr’s 1988 film, a newly restored 4K edition from the Festival’s “Revival” section, begins with a long shot of a ski lift-like apparatus, endlessly transporting buckets of coal to a repository, whose grinding machinery offers a looping hum throughout the film. Much as Tarr’s various musical interludes include similarly cyclical drones of accordion music, are the men and women of this nameless small city seemingly doomed to their various loops of behavior and experience. In Tarr’s Hungary, everyone looks haunted and morose, like a selection of down-on-their-luck rummies in a dive bar at last call. One such bar patron, Karrer (Miklos Szekely B.), is deeply in love with a beautiful, depressed (unnamed) nightclub singer (Vali Kerekes), married to a loutish man, Sebestyén (Gyorgy Cserthalmi), in bad debt to the wrong sorts of people. When Karrer’s friend, bar owner Willarsky (Gyula Pauer), offers him a potentially lucrative gig picking up a mystery package abroad and bringing it back to him, Karrer instead offers it to Sebestyén as a means of getting him out of debt, but more importantly getting him away from his wife, so their affair can continue apace. Tarr’s films move slowly, with long, static shots, or slow-panning camera movement, but within his frame, he packs in detail  —  from the pellet-like surface of a wall, to the expression of a group of people huddled under a station roof, staring out at the endless rain  —  and adds in acute sound effects as further punctuation (the sound of a man close shaving over his scruff with a straight-edge, for example, or water dripping from an unseen leak). As with his 1994 opus, Satantango, he includes extended shots of drunken merriment, with people dancing, stumbling, falling over each other, and coming back again, but the effect isn’t exactly heartening. As packs of stray dogs work their way over muddy, mostly deserted fields, and Karrer continues to imbibe the depressed resignation of his life’s trajectory (“the fog settles into your soul,” Willarsky helpfully explains), Tarr’s film, his first collaboration with Hungarian novelist László Krasznahorkai, presents a remarkably tactile vision of life under a blundering political machine, well past the point of repair. With its deep shadows, and obvious femme fatale, you could make the case that the film is a ripened Noir, but one with much of the magistry beaten out of it, tarnished in the mud of the fields. Karrer wears a trenchcoat, alright, but it’s only there to keep out the rain.

Mangrove (2020) Dir. Steve McQueen

Frank Crichlow (Shaun Parkes) didn’t mean to create a community, exactly, when he opened his restaurant in the section of West London that had become home to many immigrants from Trinidad and Jamaica. He just wanted to have a clean business that wouldn’t attract undue police attention, as his former nightclub, Rio, had done. As more and more natives of the Caribbean moved abroad, however, there became a greater need for a place where the community could gather and feel at home. Frank’s place became a local landmark, and Frank himself, a reluctant leader of the growing movement against the continual police harassment many of the residents faced on a daily basis. In this, he wasn’t given much of a choice: Led by a deeply racist police force  —  more or less personified by writer/director Steve McQueen in the form of the sneering PC Frank Pulley (Sam Spruell)  —  Frank’s place had been unnecessarily raided nine times in six weeks. So, when approached by local Black activists, including Darcus Howe (Malachi Kirby) and Altheia Jones-Lecointe (Letitia Wright), he agrees to take part in a peaceful protest against the constables. Naturally, the police turn violent, and in the resulting chaos, nine protestors, including Frank, Darcus, and Altheia are arrested. Over time, they are tried, acquitted, and re-tried for even more serious charges. McQueen’s film, another segment from Small Axe, his chronicle of London’s West-Indies neighborhood through the decades, focuses on this specific case, not just because two of the defendants decided to represent themselves (proving to be adept barristers), but because it became a landmark part of the British crusade for civil rights (even though, as the film’s postscript explains, Frank was still routinely harassed by the police for another 18 years after the trial). To capture the sense of the complexity of the community, McQueen employs a David Simon-esque narrative hodge-podge of smaller scenes from different characters’ vantage points and views, allowing us an in-depth sense of the neighborhood and the stakes, while rarely dipping into the more played out elements of the courtroom genre. I would say, in light of the recent racial protests after the Louisville grand jury failed to hold two of the three officers involved in the death of Breonna Taylor responsible, the film could not be more prescient, but, sadly, this would have also been true just about anytime in the last three decades. As Frank says of the incorrigibly racist leaders and henchpeople continually holding them down, “These people are like vampires, you think you beat them, but they keep coming back again.”

The Salt of Tears (2020) Dir. Philippe Garrel

From the flinch-inducing title (a direct translation from the French), which sounds like a YA novel steeped in melodrama, to the mournful piano soundtrack of the intro, Philippe Garrel’s (very) French counter-romance would seem to indicate a different sort of film than what he’s actually made. It’s a bit of flim-flammery from a celebrated director unafraid to throw his audience for a loop or two (take that title, which proves to be thoroughly ironic until the very last scene). Luc (Logann Antoufermo), a young man from the provinces, has come to Paris to take an entrance exam at an exacting wood-working institute in order to receive a degree in joining, in order to better emulate his woodworking father (Andre Wilms), a kind, elderly man with a “poet’s soul.” In Paris, he happens to meet Djemila (Oulaya Amamra), a sweet young woman falling hard for the handsome Luc, who callously breaks her heart after he returns to his village. Back home, he takes up with Genevieve (Louise Chevillote), an old high-school flame, who also falls deeply for him, getting pregnant in the process, but when he unexpectedly gets accepted to the woodworking school, he dumps her to return to Paris, where  —  you guessed it!  —  he meets up with yet another woman, Betsy (Souheila Yacoub), a stunning brunette whom, we are told via our occasional narrator (Jean Chevalier), is finally “his equal.” Or more so, to be precise, as she takes in a second lover (Martin Mesnier) to their apartment, making the unhappy Luc live as a threesome. Garrel’s charting of Luc’s endless relationship explorations themselves gets tiresome, but the director isn’t much interested in his protagonist’s romantic investments, as he is the callousness of Luc, and the young in general  —  Luc crushes two loving women; then himself gets crushed; while treating his loving father as yet another irritation from time to time  —  and the manner in which their decision-making has often not matured enough to include the expansiveness of empathy. They know not what they do, until it’s too late.

Beginning (2020) Dir. Dea Kulumbegashvili

Georgian director Dea Kulumbegashvili’s debut feature, about a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses working as missionaries in a small village outside Tbilisi, and the abuse they endure at the hands of religious extremists, captivates and bewilders in equal measure. The film begins with a long single shot from inside a “prayer house,” as congregants slowly file in and fill the pews, eventually allowing David (Rati Oneli) to begin his sermon concerning the story of Abraham, willing to sacrifice his beloved son in order to appease God. The shot remains static for so long, building its own rhythm, that it becomes that much more shocking when a side door suddenly opens, and an unseen assailant tosses in a fire bomb, lighting the floor and sending everyone into terrified tumult. Kulumbegashvili’s film is filled with similar striking compositions, long single shots with very little camera movement, the edges of the frame gradually generating increasing levels of apprehension, as the action swirls often out of our visual range. She has a way of filming the opposite of what you expect: Several key conversations between pairs of characters are shot with the focus on the reaction rather than the speaker, and vitally significant scenes are crafted with characters’ backs to us, such that we can’t read their expressions or get our normal bearings. It’s a similar conundrum for the missionaries themselves, especially Yana (Ia Sukhitashvili), David’s dutiful wife, a former actress, who tries to make the best of their difficult situation, even in the face of such violent opposition to her husband’s proselytizing, a job David, ambitious he is, sees as the key to rising up in the Church’s hierarchy. After their prayer house is burned to the ground, David leaves for a few days to meet with the Elders in order to secure funding for its replacement. Into that void, enter a detective (Kakha Kintsurashvili), who appears one night to “talk” with Yana, but ends up intimidating her into a sort of sexual compromise, an event that leaves her strangely unfazed, even, it might be said, oddly curious. From there, things get both more dire, and more peculiar, with Kulumbegashvili’s implacable camera remaining stoically witness to her characters’ increasingly distressing plight. As curious as it can be tonally, she is so in command of her narrative, the film is never less than compelling, even as tragedy becomes something else entirely. By film’s end, true to David’s earlier sermons, it’s clear that at least his most devoted acolyte has taken in the biblical lessons he proffered, for better or worse.

[adrischrv]

REGNUM [L.H] -Chapter 8

Summary: In a dystopian future, a tragedy leads Prince Luke to become King of Gardenstone. From her neighboring kingdom Maredale, our protagonist Amberly must choose between King Luke and King Ashton of Lauxwell to close the alliance that the three kingdoms are destined to make. In the process and after, Amberly will encounter mysteries, a love triangle, and betrayals that will define her future. (Basically, enemies to lovers)

Word Count:  4,246

MASTERLIST.

The next day I arrived at the stable on time, not wanting to argue with Luke anymore. Fortunately, years before I had had the whim of raising my mare back in Maredale, a whim my mother fulfilled on the condition that I take care of her. Although limousines and cars are quite common, all three kingdoms have moderate amounts of them and therefore it was easier to acquire a horse. I took care of the mare I called Mer, there were nights I spent finishing a book in the stable with her company and mornings I left the palace early to ride on the beach before the people woke up. I hoped they were taking care of her at home. All the knowledge I gained with Mer had been used to wonderfully caring for the five horses in the stable. 

Michael arrived in the middle of the hayride. He explained that he had heard the workers say that my work in the greenhouse had been splendid and how happy that made him already. He also told me that he now lived one floor below me, which explained why I´d seen Lidia come up and down more times than usual that morning. 

I told him about the gloves, Luke, and accidentally Ashton. Something clicked in his head that he didn't bother to share, he simply asked me not to worry. He immediately left under the excuse that he had some very important business to discuss with the King. 

The days went by quite quickly. My routine was the same for a week: waking up, getting directions from Michael, going down to the greenhouse, pausing for food, and going upstairs at night. I was working desperately to fix the greenhouse and was increasing the speed and time I spent listening to Calum speak for his Jhin about movements on the border. 

The girls in the kitchen gave me the lost information they were hearing and I slowly connected the narrative. There were going to be three major events in the next few weeks: a campout in the town of Mudtry, the Birch Celebration that was typical of Gardenstone, and another unnamed event for the time being. The information on the last one was very little but it existed; it would have guests from all three kingdoms so it earned its place on the list.

Ashton and I went out every weekend. We traveled around the palace exchanging thoughts, ideas, and the occasional kiss. We weren't a couple, but something that didn't know the difference between naivety and love told me we weren't far off. His company... just felt good, fair, and free. 

I was going down to the kitchen to start today's work. I knocked a couple of times on Michael's door and no one answered so I walked around hoping to find him on my way. Said and done, as I entered the kitchen I saw him leaning against a counter enjoying an apple. He was wearing a suit, it wasn't common for him. 

“Why so formal, boss?” I asked, taking an apple from a basket next to him.

I understood the reason for his location in the kitchen when the servants rushed past him. 

“Thank you for noticing. I must say that your comfortable attire is much better than the dresses you wore at first, it made me nervous," he joked and pointed at the servants with the apple he kept eating. “I dress like this for the same reason they do; Luke woke up wanting to travel to Lauxwell for a few days; they're preparing his trip and I will be in charge of the not-so-important stuff while he is away.”

“What about Calum?”

I poured two glasses of orange juice, he took one and thanked me with a nod. 

“He'll stay here and take care of the more important stuff, which I won't do. Luke asked that no one should accompany him but a few guards.”

“Why is he going to Lauxwell? I thought he hated the place as much as its residents.”

I looked through the conversations with the girls in the kitchen; they didn't mention this trip once. It had been sudden for everyone, even for Luke himself. 

“To spend time with Lauren," he replied casually. 

I quietly drank the rest of my juice. Spending time with Lauren? She had been here as long as Ashton, I didn't see them talking once and suddenly he wanted to spend time with her. Not just any time, time alone. That's why he didn't bring company. 

“Wow, are you okay?” Michael interrupted my thoughts, thanks to the sea. I nodded. “I lost you for a moment, is it because of Luke?”

I took the glass to the sink and started to wash it. 

“In a way, not having him around for a while sounds like a vacation. I will count and appreciate every second.”

I wanted to keep digging, to find out what Luke would be doing at Lauxwell and why he had decided to go "spend time with Lauren" all of a sudden. There was something that Michael wasn't telling me, he wasn't telling me anything. I stopped my tongue from asking, interest in the subject would only boost Luke's ego if that was possible. 

“I think you're doing a lousy job of hiding whatever it is you're feeling. That brings me to what you will do today.”

Michael pulled at my waist, dodging the servants who were going back and forth on their way to the west wing of the palace. We climbed a few stairs, this wing was noticeably emptier than the rest of the palace, it seemed like it was night plus the few windows were open. I recognized the beginning of the corridor we were heading down, we passed Luke's office. 

“You and I will take advantage of His Majesty's absence these days and do what you should have done from the beginning, your real work.”

We kept walking until we hit a wall, it had paintings of different trees and flowers on it. Michael ran his hands over the wall until he found what looked like a brick that had come out, pushed it and the gears started working, leaving the spiral stairs insight with the sides illuminated. 

“Come on, ladies first.”

I advanced and we began to go down the stairs. Judging by the look of the structure I could tell that they were using it constantly and it didn't seem so secret. 

“What will I do, exactly?” I asked, not encouragingly. 

“Maredans who crossed the border are here to formally present their needs, concerns, and so on. I had Calum bring them over before Luke was awake, now I owe that bastard a bottle of the finest wine in Greenbush.”

We got to the top of the stairs and I noticed we were underground. Michael opened a door that led out into a very wide hallway, on the other side he opened the door again to a room with people sitting inside, families, elders, Maredans waiting for answers. At the end of the rows of people, there was a desk and next to it a guard guarded the place. 

“This is a secret between you and me, understand?”

I smiled broadly and held back the urge to embrace him. I noticed tears forming in my eyes. 

“Wait, you said that we will both take advantage of the situation, what will you do?”

He smiled. 

“Bring more people, of course. I trust you will take enough time with each person in this room, however, we will see as many citizens as possible so that once Luke returns you can spend another week in the greenhouse without worrying about them... your people.”

I nodded repeatedly. 

He took one last look at the room and opened the door. 

“Michael," I called, making him stop. “Thank you.” 

“It's nothing," he smiled. 

¥

I never believed that what people tell you about time passes more quickly when you do what you like is true, but attending to the Maredans and listening to them proved me wrong. 

Most didn't come for lack of work in Maredale but to discover the magic and potential of Gardenstone. It was very rare for people to leave their kingdom with what they had become accustomed to in their own homes, what a nice irony. I didn't blame them, sometimes even your own house is too small if you fill it with dreams and hope. 

Michael kept his word to bring people. We provided housing and work for those who needed it in Greenbush where Michael would have them all under his care and helping out in his vineyard as his employees. One family or another asked for the possibility of having businesses in the capital of Gardenstone and we had to put them on hold because it was very risky for Maredan businesses to rise out of nowhere near the palace but we promised to help them when we could.

No one-not even Ashton, who was constantly being asked to postpone appointments-knew what we were doing. For the first two days, we went unnoticed by everyone around the palace, our main concern was that Luke would arrive in less than expected. The "expected" was getting more and more confusing for me. I avoided thinking about the whole situation between Lauren and Luke, right now I had to take the employment contracts I had collected today to Michael... even though the matter was hidden and always bothering to be attended to behind my back. 

“...You know you can't do that. You can't tell him, it's not your place.”

It was Calum coming out of a door followed by Michael with whom he had a heated conversation. The Duke gave Calum a knock when he saw me in front of them.

“Princess, what a surprise!” he exclaimed. 

The man shivered, throwing a transparent bag on the floor. I reflexively squatted to return the bag to his hands. I looked at its contents for a few seconds; a gold ring was inside it, this one had a hole right in the middle with diamonds embedded around it; it was missing a stone. 

The bag was taken from my hands before I could say anything about it. Calum looked at Michael angrily and even a little terror crept into his brown eyes. 

“We'll discuss this later, Clifford. In the meantime, don't do anything stupid," Calum looked at me sideways, not a trace of joy or his characteristic sympathy. “Your Highness, Duke, excuse me.”

He apologized and went on his way in a hurry. Michael stood still, looked at me once when Calum was out of sight, and snorted cynically. 

“Come on, start your interrogation," he said as if he had known me all my life. He pointed to the door through which he had left moments earlier and we entered a strangely empty office. Nothing but the basics in it. Then he closed the door behind him. “I'll spare you the first question, we are in King Robert's old office.”

“Why? I was looking for you... “

He took the papers. We stood in the middle of the room, I thought it was disrespectful just to be here, but judging from the look of the chairs he hadn't sat here either. We shouldn't be here. 

“Calum called me, what you saw in that bag is evidence the investigators collected from the great hall. It was analyzed all this time and they can't find the DNA of the bearer..." He came over to the desk, stretched out two photographs of a rope cut in a part of the palace I didn't recognize. “It was right under this rope, I'll let that clever head of yours guess what it cut off.”

I blinked a couple of times, puzzled. 

“The chandelier.”

The same chandelier that ended the lives of Queen Susan, King Robert, and Prince Jake. What all this time seemed like an accident had been orchestrated. 

A chill ran through my body. The person who had wiped out most of the royal family was still outside, could be anywhere... could be anyone. 

“That's right, it wasn't an accident. And not only that," Michael walked slowly through the office, "I'm sure and I could swear by the Forest that I've seen the ring somewhere before. Perhaps the person who committed this tremendous atrocity decided to rob the Royal Jewelry store moments earlier. We came here to find a jewelry box that my mother gave to my aunt - to Queen Susan on her last birthday but it's not here.”

“Of course not, this is an office. You must look in her room.”

He snapped her tongue and crossed his arms a few steps away from me. 

“We did, it's empty. Calum had to bribe a couple of guards to get us into the royal room. What did we get? Nothing. We lost three weeks of beer.”

“No, I mean the Queen's other room. The one that's only hers, not the one she shared with the King," I replied, running my hands over my elbows, trying to relieve the tension. “It will probably cost you a year's worth of beer, but you can always tell Luke.”

The Duke burst out laughing as if he had told a pretty bad joke that ended up being good. 

“Discarded at all. He must not know, not now…”

Luke knew nothing about this. I realized late, very late, that I was hearing about the royal family before the King himself.

My impression must have been noticeable on my face, Michael realized, he came over to reassure me. 

“Don't be afraid. The King doesn't know... What's wrong with that, right?” he laughed nervously. 

I sighed, I was seconds away from hyperventilating. “Why doesn't he know?”

If I thought the punishment for slapping Luke was going to be bad, then keeping secrets from the kingdom was going to be much worse. 

“Hey... hey... “ Michael whispered, I felt my heartbeat increasing its volume second after second. “You needed to know, at least this I had to tell you…”

“There's more?!” I exclaimed, covering my mouth. “Michael, I'm sure there are at least thirty reasons why this is wrong... “

The shaking of my arms was muffled at the touch of his hands. They felt rough but helped to calm me down for a second. 

“I can't tell Luke. I prefer to keep my reasons to myself. But you can…” his closeness was comforting to the extent that he spoke. “You will tell the King.”

I opened my mouth to deny it when the slamming of the door hit Michael. The figure who came in knew we were talking about him the moment he did. 

“Your Majesty," Michael said, "What did you think of Lauxwell?”

I couldn't tell if the cold that flooded the office was coming from a window in the hallway or coming from Luke's presence. His jaw tightened, his cold, sharp gaze fixed on the closeness between Michael and me. I gently slid away from the Duke, leaving a considerable distance. 

“What are you two doing here?” he asked, his attention focused on Michael.

“Your Majesty, you haven't answered my question.”

“Bad, horrible. Lauxwell doesn't... need Gardenstone” Luke responded by interrupting Michael. His words were like knives. “Now respond.”

I saw Michael out of the corner of my eye. I forgot my panic at the sight of him in his eyes. I was hoping - we were hoping for a clever and quick excuse to get out of his mouth so that we could avoid all possible topics. If Luke found out what we had done with the Maredans - or that he hadn't been working in the greenhouse, or that his parents had been killed... Nothing good could come of this. 

I held the photographs tightly in my crossed hands behind my back, made mere balls of paper into my fists. I didn't know why Michael didn't want to tell Luke what he´d discovered seemed the least logical thing to do, but I was going to keep it a secret and trust his words. I had nothing else to do anyway. 

“We wanted to be alone for a while.”

Michael responded. The silence lasted for millennia. 

“It is a crime to lie to the crown, cousin.”

Luke still didn't look at me, my presence had never bothered him so much.

“It's true," I said. “We needed to talk alone about the job and the place was lonely.”

I didn't lie, it was true. My hands began to sweat between the photographs. 

A more unsure, choppy sigh came from Luke. He heaved aside, leaving the path clear. 

“Out, then.”

I left the office first, Michael walked behind me. Luke held him at the door with one hand.

“Thank me for not telling Ashton about this... it's not wise for you to get into trouble with two kingdoms, cousin.”

Michael swallowed his saliva at the... Warning?

Luke let him go, following him at every step like a prey. 

“Oh, another thing," we turned to Luke's voice, he was speaking to his cousin but loud enough for his words to reach my ears. “Send a woman... the prettiest one you can find. Lauxwell stressed me out a lot. I'll wait in my quarters.”

I wasn't surprised at all.

¥

Lidia was across the room holding my sleeping clothes when I came in, throwing the crumpled pictures on my bed as I closed the door. 

“Amberly...what happened? The girls in the kitchen say a lot of things.”

I fell in the middle of the bed carelessly crushing the pictures. The stress and tension of moments before were just a few moments away from flooding me. 

“Ask, do it,” I muttered covering my face with both hands. 

I felt a weight next to me. Lidia was sitting on the bed, her facial expression full of doubt.

“They said that His Majesty King Luke found you and the Duke in King Robert's office, may he rest in peace.”

I rested my elbows on the bed, raising my head a little to look Lidia in the eyes. 

“It is true, but we didn't do anything wrong," I said quickly, feeling her relief. “I would never do such a thing to you, Lidia.”

She nodded with a sideways smile. 

“I wouldn't blame you, I'd be crazy not to prefer a princess to a maid," she raised a hand in silence when I wanted to protest. “Wait, there's more. One of the girls is dating one of the guards who accompanied Her Majesty on her trip to Lauxwell. She said nothing happened between him and Her Majesty Lauren. Pure business.”

"Lauxwell doesn't... need Gardenstone," Luke had said. Maybe it was true, it was nothing but business. 

“How nice," I replied, rejoining the bed. “I... it's…” 

Lidia gave me the clothes to sleep with a chuckle. 

“You don't have to answer everything, not now. Take a breath, Amberly, you need a distraction…”

Someone knocked on the door. I forgot the situation I was in for a moment. 

“There it is, just in time." Lidia laughed as she walked to the door. “I promise to entertain your lover as much as I can. Use what I gave you.”

I looked at the garment in my hands, it wasn't my sleeping clothes. A mint silk dress with a "V" neckline was what was in place. I whispered a "Thank you" to Lidia in an act of complicity. 

¥

Ashton's fingers cautiously untangled from my hair as we parted for air. I brought my right hand to the cheek of the black hair who sank into the caress, putting a genuine smile on my face, I barely could see his.

The moonlight above us added certain intimacy. The flowers and trees around the blanket we placed on the lawn covered more than we expected. 

I was straddling him. My dress and his dark green suit without so many wrinkles- worth mentioning. I ran my index finger across the bridge of his nose, Ashton closed his hazel eyes.

“I like your nose..." my finger stopped over his mouth gently. “And those naughty lips of yours…”

He laughed, even with his eyes closed. One of his hands caressed my partially uncovered back, an electric sensation ran through my whole body. 

“It would be a pity if my features were unpleasant for my future queen…”

I returned my hand to my lap, my hunched posture changed to the right, and my smile... My whole face was unemotional because of the impact of his words. 

Ashton noticed the tension that slipped through my body, opened his eyes, and straightened his posture, both hands embracing my waist. 

“Wouldn't you like it, Amberly? To be the queen of Lauxwell?” he whispered in my ear, a warm and sensual tone. “I´m dying to see you on a throne beside me.”

I burst out laughing nervously. The closeness of our faces barely allowed me to hide the surprise.

I´d thought about it, I knew that the talk would come eventually, especially with so many unserious political conversations on previous dates.

Did I want to be the queen of Lauxwell, to leave my place in Maredale and Gardenstone to reign alongside Ashton? 

“I... there are so many things I want to do…”

“To be an ambassador for Maredale here, for example?” he asked amusingly. “Please, we both know the position is too small for you.”

“But it's mine.”

His face - his beautiful face - was stiffened by my words. He blinked twice trying to process what I had said and spoken before giving me a chance. 

“Yes, and so did your title of Princess. You can move up in that case, to be Queen.”

“I'm a princess because my mother has a kingdom, Ash," I interrupted, he didn't like it. “Being an ambassador I got it, I did, and you encouraged me.”

“I did, but I didn't expect you to be in an office your whole life," he said. “Or do you expect Luke to promote you to 'something else'? Is that it?”

The abrupt change in attitude caused me to get up without warning, Ashton imitated me. I looked for warmth in his eyes, a sign that he didn't mean all this. 

“Answer me, Amberly," he spoke loudly, "Do it.”

I took his face in both hands, it was beginning to boil with anger. 

“What's wrong with you?” My concern went unchecked. “Of course I don't want Luke to do that, if it were up to him I'd go down from my post to... pick up dirt from his horses.”

“This is no time for jokes. You don't want to be the queen of Lauxwell but Gardenstone sounds more appealing?”

I put my hands on his chest. I convinced myself and hoped that decreasing our distance would stop whatever we were doing. 

“What does Gardenstone have to do with this? It's not even an option.”

He walked away from me, there was no warmth in him anymore. His eyes were glowing with a challenge. 

“What's an option for you, then? Luke?” he continued, speaking quickly, angry in all his glory. “It seems so. He almost slit his beloved cousin's throat for finding you together in the office.”

The air got stuck in my chest, Luke had said he wouldn't tell Ashton. Unless he had regretted it.

“I heard, Amberly. Everyone in the palace knew about your impromptu meeting.”

I felt pain in my chest, I had never seen him like this before... at least not with me. I had to fix it. Something in all this was wrong, I just didn't know-how. 

“It wasn't what you think, nothing happened…” I stepped forward, he didn't flinch. “I can't explain to you what was happening because even I don't understand it.”

“And that's not suspicious? You expect me to believe that they were talking innocently?” He laughed mockingly. “Over the mountains! No one in a million years would settle for that.”

I let go of the air I was holding back. Something in me... no- my cowardice wanted to explain everything and cry. But inside, deep inside me, there was fear, and there was also something in me that was asking me to make things right for once. 

That "something" fired the fear, or put it to sleep for a second, and left me with that princess who couldn't put a zipper on her mouth. 

“You'll have to. Listen, I don't plan to be an ambassador all my life... crown or not, caring for and protecting my kingdom comes first and I will do it at all costs. You told me to take a chance and I did. These are the consequences.”

He was silent, watching like an emerald owl from the darkness. 

“I have to go, I won't leave Lidia up late," I bowed. “See you, your majesty.”

I turned around, holding back the desire to go back in time and stay in the caresses of a while ago. 

“Amberly," he called, I turned around again. He kept that dominant air. “Answer my question.”

I sighed, I wanted to move but my feet were stuck in my position. 

“Although I am flattered by your proposal, I cannot give you an answer. Not today. Not after... this.”

I waited for him to say something, to forgive me- that he would run quickly behind me and turn us in circles as he kissed my face. 

It didn't happen. 

[subtleshenanigans]

I guess I’m just gonna make a list of my original work stuff???

I’m mostly posting them to AO3 because I know I’ll keep rights over my stuff, and so that people can enjoy them for free. Writing is personal to me, and I want to share it!

The Tale Of Dark Forest

This series is in a made up world called Arath; it’s full of anthropomorphic animals (all of which are wild cats, wild dogs, or hybrids) and is sort of medieval-esque; there’s also heavy emphasis on “Legend Figures”, which are historical figures known in certain regions. They don’t have modern tech, weapons are carried by everyone (it’s more about the skill and being able to defend oneself), etc. It mostly focuses on the town (once a kingdom long ago, a budding kingdom many years after the first book) Dark Forest, which is under tyrany at this period of time. Most of the information is from a smaller world-view as Dark Forest is kinda isolated, but is expanded in the sequel as the protagonist (the grandson of two of the protagonists from the first book) ends up leaving home. The first story is completed; the sequel is in the works and for now called Rius, after the protagonist.

Confused Chicken and Ashen Feathers

This story is about a few hundred-year-old (but stuck at fifteen) kid named Jake, and a girl named Zero. Jake somehow became an avian shapeshifter - he can shapeshift into any bird that has existed - but his default is a chicken (so when startled/scared/can’t think, he turns into a chicken.) Zero, which is a nickname, doesn’t know she’s a shapeshifter known as a Darkbird until the day she dies and comes back to life (she’s basically a Phoenix but dark and ashy, which fire inside; she basically heals herself from the brink of death and deadly wounds. There’s a set amount she can heal.) They end up getting chased by the guy who killed her and are on the run. It’s a one-shot series currently, mostly hurt/comfort(?) Zero and Jake are platonic.

To Wander

This one is about a person (a persona of me) named The Wanderer, also known as Ander. It’s more expiremental but it’s also a one-shot series about them wandering around and encountering different things. They currently have a companion animal simply known as the fox cub. (Kinda playing around with world-building on this one.)

The Arath

This one will probably never be completely done, but it’s about this girl who gets cut on a fossil (she has an older friend who works on a dig site????) and gains the ability to seperate into four aspects: A’eth the cat (who is her anger and justice and fiery feelings concentrated; represents fire, has a jaguar-like form and the human form is warmer colors), Araaknasan the wolf (ice; cooler emotions like apathy, distance, absolute justice before mercy, etc. Animal form is bigger than a dire wolf and human form is cooler colors, has a sword), Antethnesan the bird (wind; warm, balanced emotions like mercy, kindness, wisdom. Bird form is sorta Hawk-like, human form has wings that can curl forward and drape over shoulders like a cloak of sorts, is in soft/faded earth tones. Uses bows and arrows.), and Mescarnog (darkness element; hatred, similar feelings. Human form is faded, almost colorless, black hair and gray eyes, doesn’t speak much. Beast form is rarely used but it’s HUGE, fur kinda like a polar bear but with a shean almost like the Aurora. It’s definitely mammal looking.) I don’t have much besides that - eventually she gets an animal form with no human form (Green earth/plants; it’s a raptor of sorts) and vice versa (water; she’s in deeper blues, can grow algae in her throat that produces oxygen when she keeps her mouth and nose shut underwater so she can breath; this form is mute as well.) All the animal forms are big. Like, human sized maybe a bit bigger. Her name/title is The Arath.

Yaguara

This one is about a society(?) of jaguars but it’s not. Jaguars are still solitary - females’ territories still overlap males’ to a degree, but male territories never overlap - and don’t really have reason to interact beyond the odd hello if they pass by. But there is appointed leaders, Yaguars, who will meet up if there’s a crisis. One male goes off to find his mate (he only ever took one) who was to have had his Cubs soon, only to find her and two of the Cubs murdered. One lives and he names him Sun, for his golden eyes (also as a pun on Son). He grows up raised by his father (which is HIGHLY unusual but jags keep to themselves so he’s not ostracized.) He tells his son stories and legends, especially about the Yaguara, an ancestor from the distant past. His eyes burned with the sun and he alone fought and killed the vile one ((I’ll need to check my notes on some names obviously.)) One day, as he’s almost three years old (an adult for a Jaguar), his father is murdered and when he goes to the council it’s to find that this villain Jaguar is taking over things, perverting their laws and order, killing who he pleases. He runs away, and makes friends with a puma around his age, despite pumas and jaguars usually having disdain for one another. Of course Sun, the protagonist, will one day become the Yaguara.

Unnamed story

This one is complicated so I’ll talk about it another time.

[patron-of-lost-causes]

Books that remind me of Jude from A Little Life

I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now, but I’ve always felt like I haven’t read enough to make a proper list. Then I realized that I will always feel like I haven’t read much and it is as good a time as any to do it. I have decided to create lists of books that remind me of certain characters-characters that I love, characters that intrigue me, characters that I can’t seem to forget. I decided to come up with these lists because it has been so difficult for me to find books that are similar to the books I loved or similar to the characters that I loved and I feel like this is a good way for me to keep track of these books and for other readers to find books that are similar to their favourite books and characters. These books can be similar in terms of the character’s personality, the character’s past, the character’s relationship with the people around them, about anything really. The similarities might vary, some books might be more similar than others. After all, reading is a subjective experience and no two persons ever experience the same book. Therefore, what I find is similar to my favorite character might not be the same for you. Please just keep this in mind before you get your hopes up. Also, recommendations are always welcome!

My first book list is about Jude from A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. Jude is the main protagonist from A Little Life and the book focuses on his relationships with his three closest friends and other people whose lives have interwoven with his life-directly and indirectly but mostly, it focuses on his relationship with himself-his mind and body.  A Little Life examines Jude’s life-a character study of what makes a person the way they are, how much hardship a person can endure, what makes and breaks a person and how a person makes the best out of their life even in the midst of suffering. Jude is a complex character-a character moulded by trauma and the kindness of his loved ones-and he is very very precious. Fellow A Little Life lovers would know how difficult it is to find books similar to A Little Life, never mind finding similar characters to Jude.

TW: Almost everything-A Little Life and these books are very triggering because of the heavy subject matter and graphic scenes so please make sure you’re in a good place emotionally and mentally before reading my post (it has some quotes which might be triggering to some) and before checking these books out. 

Spoilers: I will only provide the book synopsis (based on Goodreads). There will be spoilers from the  description of the similarities between A Little Life and the other books on the list.

1)   Edinburgh by Alexander Chee

“I wanted to wake up and not feel. My life would have been acceptable, I felt, if someone had come in and in the night severed all my nerves where they attached at the skin. If I was numb, then great. More life for me, another helping, please.”

This is the latest addition to my list having only finished it three days ago. It is a book about Aphias “Fee” Zhe, a Korean-American boy who has to come to terms with the sexual abuse he experienced at the hands of his choir director who also abused his fellow choir friends. This explores the aftermath of abuse-the difference ways abuse can shape a person, the coping strategies of the victims which can be quite destructive and how different victims deal with abuse differently. It is a very triggering book and it is very draining. My emotions were all over the place and Alexander Chee writes the book with such a raw and unflinching honesty that you can’t help but absorb all the emotions. This book reminds me of Jude in the way that it follows a victim of abuse through his self-destructive years, his achievements, his relationships with his loved ones and the complicated feelings he has for his abuser which he feels both disgusted and protected by. This book also portrays the human condition as beautifully as A little Life did and Jude and Fee both have the same outlook on life. The writing is simply gorgeous. Besides, Alexander Chee and Hanya Yanagihara are close friends in real life and she helped him a lot with this book. Both authors are really good at wrecking people.

2)   Imagine Me Gone by Adam Haslett

”What do you fear when you fear everything? Time passing and not passing. Death and life. I could say my lungs never filled with enough air, no matter how many puffs of my inhaler I took. Or that my thoughts moved too quickly to complete, severed by a perpetual vigilance. But even to say this would abet the lie that terror can be described, when anyone who’s ever known it knows that it has no components but is instead everywhere inside you all the time, until you can recognize yourself only by the tensions that string one minute to the next. And yet I keep lying, by describing, because how else can I avoid this second, and the one after it? This being the condition itself: the relentless need to escape a moment that never ends.”

This is about a family wrestling with mental illness and how mental illness affects the family and their ability to care for a person with mental illness. John suffers from severe depression and his marriage with Margaret gave him three children, one of whom suffers from depression and anxiety. What follows is years of anguish and suffering as Michael (the son) gets worse and the family tries their best to save Michael. This book asks the same questions as A Little Life-what makes a life worth living, how much a person should have to endure before it becomes acceptable for them to end their life, what right does someone have to force another person to live against their wishes even if their intentions are good, is it cruel to require someone to stay alive just for the sake of staying alive. It is brutal in its questions and it will force the readers to think about the consequences of their actions done with the intention of caring for their suffering loved ones. Jude is very similar to Michael even if their personalities couldn’t have been more different. Both were shaped by their suffering and by the suffocating love of their loved ones. Too much expectation and hope were placed on them both, neither of which they were ready to fulfill and give.  It also offers insight into the feelings of the family members-how helpless they feel in not being able to heal Michael, how difficult it is to care for their loved ones while having a busy life themselves, how some family members are more gentle and patient than others.

3)   The Lesser Bohemians by Eimear McBride

“It was the very worst moment of my life and after it, everything soft in me slowly turned to bone.”

This book follows an 18-year old Irish girl (the characters are unnamed for the majority of the book) who goes to London to pursue acting. She meets an older man and begins a relationship with him and this is a story of their relationship and how it’s affected by the man’s traumatic past. This is a very disturbing book as the abuse in this book is very graphic, similar to A Little Life and their relationship can be toxic at times. While reading this book, I felt like I was walking on eggshells and it was not a pleasant experience. The anticipation of what was to come was almost worse than reading about the abuse itself. Both Jude and the male protagonist are very damaged characters, they are betrayed by the people who were meant to protect them and the extent of abuse experienced by both of them are very extreme. Both characters are self-destructive in different ways and they both HATE opening up to the people they care about and end up hurting the people they care about. I would also like to mention that while a huge part of this book is about the abuse and its aftermath, it also focuses a lot on the couple’s relationship and there are a lot of sex scenes-A LOT (I thought it’s worth mentioning in case some people are not comfortable reading about sexual scenes).  The book is written in stream of consciousness style so every feeling goes straight to your brain without any filters, making everything raw and heightened.

4)   A Girl is a Half-formed Thing by Eimear McBride

“You’ll give her name. In the stitches of her skin she’ll wear your say.”

This is another novel from Eimear McBride that was an absolute pain to read. I still am unsure as to which of the two books I loved most. This book follows a young girl (unnamed again, but now throughout the book) and her relationships with her unstable mother, her brother who has brain tumour and her uncle who she has a complicated relationship with. This book is also about her sexuality and how a loveless upbringing and abuse can affect a child and her outlook on life. This book is BRUTAL, in many different ways, and I would say that it is more brutal than The Lesser Bohemians which is already very brutal and raw to begin with. The atrocities in this book make me nauseous and it requires a huge deal of commitment and masochistic tendencies to brave through this book. Some people might feel differently, some might feel that the other books in this list are more brutal than this one and they are right too. At the end of the day, it all comes down to who you are as a person and the limits of what you can see and endure. Again, both Jude and the protagonist are hurt by the people who were meant to protect them, people who are capable of so much love but chose hate instead. Both are very self-destructive even if they’ve managed to find their place in the world by their own terms. Both also have complicated feelings for their abusers.

 Those are the books that reminded me of Jude and A Little Life. Hope you guys like these books as much as I did. On a side note, there’s a book called On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong and like its title, it is a really gorgeous book. I would have added this book to the list but it didn’t remind me of A Little Life and Jude in any way other than its overall tone and writing. It is both sad and hopeful and I personally like these kinda books so if you are interested, please check it out!

[afinepricklypear]

Compare and Contrast: K Project vs. Bungou Stray Dogs - Part 3

**Disclaimer: I love both K Project and Bungou Stray Dogs. I highly recommend watching both of them. This series of Compare and Contrast posts I’m doing is merely for my own sake, to get these thoughts out of my head. If you are a fan of one show and not the other, please don’t read, or if you do, save your bashing comments for like-minded antis elsewhere. If you have not seen both, there are a lot of Spoilers ahead, please don’t read. I am heavily critical of both shows, so if you are someone who cannot handle negative things being said (I try not to outright bash and just provide reasonable evidence from the material to back my stances) about your favorite fandom or characters please don’t read. Thank you! ***

Read Part 1, Part 2

Characters

Both Bungo Stray Dogs and K feature ensemble casts, with large numbers of characters. That being said, the shows have vastly different approaches for how they handle those characters and those approaches impact the way they come across for the viewer.

One of the things that K does a hell of a lot better than BSD, is fleshing out and managing of its characters. This may in part be due to the fact, K doesn’t attempt to give all of its characters a starring space in the story. It’s comfortable letting some characters fall into the background, allocating them to the role of side characters. There are only a few members of each of our main clans (Silver, Red, Blue, and later, Green) that are given attention and the rest of the clansmen (Red and Blue are the only clans shown to have notable clans members who regularly show up and are given names and little else outside of our mains) fall to the background. For some people, this may be frustrating, as we don’t learn a whole lot about the rest of Scepter 4 or HOMRA in the anime, but narratively, I’m comfortable with it because I’m not asked by the show to care about those characters, and the characters that I’m meant to care about are given adequate screen time to develop them into someone who’s story I am invested in. That being said, K does have moments that utterly flop. Scepter 4, for me, beyond Fushimi, is an absolute failure in presenting itself as a likeable or, even, relatable organization of individuals (Full disclosure, I hate Munakata, and while Awashima has potential, she’s treated by the series as little more than a miniskirt and bad boob job obsessed with Munakata). They seem to be there only to be obnoxious. I get the sense they were originally intended to be viewed as villains, but they became so popular following the first season, that the creators tried to treat them more as heroes in the movie and second season. However, it was painfully obvious in the final episode of K: Seven Stories – Nameless Circle, as the surviving members of the Green, Red, Silver, and good Colorless clan members (Yukari and Kuroh) enjoyed their final farewells with their fallen clansmen (I dare you not to cry when Mikoto and Totsuka pour Kusanagi a glass and Yata takes Anna’s hand in the background), that Scepter 4 staring up at Munakata’s lost Sword of Damocles was the least humanized of the Clans. They lost nothing, they felt nothing, their presence in Nameless Circle was nearly pointless beyond fan service. Likewise, K heavily drops the ball in Season 1 with its primary antagonist, the Evil Colorless King, who’s back history, motivations, and even his (her?) name remain a mystery to date.

BSD starts out with an already large cast, and while Atsushi and Dazai might arguably be the “main” characters of the show, starring roles in various arcs and episodes are given to the other characters, as well. Most of those episodes, however, can easily be relegated to the “filler” pile. On top of this, BSD continually introduces increasing numbers of characters, it also likes to bump characters up from side character to more main character type roles, which only serves to take limited screen time from the initial cast of characters and ultimately fails to give itself enough space to flesh out the cast. Time constraints, of course, doesn’t always mean a character can’t be adequately developed (see the first ten minutes of Pixar’s Up for how it’s done right), but possibly, because of this limitation, BSD has a tendency to fall back on telling instead of showing. It also feels like many of its characters were not fully developed in the creator’s minds (this appears to have been confirmed in several interviews with the creators) when they started their story, so that when those backgrounds are revealed, especially in those far too often instances where characters that have interacted in past episodes and given no indication of a history between them are newly revealed to have a connections to one another. It feels tacked on and last minute, and consistency of characterizations is lost. As previously discussed in a past post for this Review Series, this may also be due to the fact that K was envisioned as a self-contained story, and BSD seems to have been developed as an ongoing serial without a predetermined ending.

For these next several posts, I want to do more individualized character analyses, but to keep things simple, I will only focus on the characters of K that are given focus in the story and I’ll try to reference only its anime (just to be fair, because I’ve read all of K’s extra materials, and have not for BSD because I lack access in my country). Likewise, I’m only going to talk about BSD’s characters from the Armed Detective Agency and the Port Mafia, as well as, a few key villains like Shibusawa, Fitzgerald, and Fyodor. Once again, I will attempt to keep to only what’s been revealed in the anime.

A reasonable starting point on character analysis for these two shows would be our sort-of main protagonists. Although, BSD and K are both ensemble anime, they do each feature a character that may ostensibly be considered the “main” character, in the sense that they kick off our main events and are positioned as integral to all subsequent storylines. For BSD, that character is Nakajima Atsushi, and for K, that character is Yashiro “Shiro” Isana. Interestingly (maybe), these characters share a similar aesthetic. Both are young males, with white hair and light-colored eyes, they are also both small, waif-like, bishounen that might be better suited to a shojo or even yaoi anime, rather than leads on a seinen series.

At the start of both series, Atsushi and Shiro, respectively, find themselves thrust into a world of supernatural powered people in which they are targeted for reasons to be revealed throughout the story. The greatest similarity between these two, however, is that they are both weak characters. Neither one proves interesting enough to shoulder the responsibilities as main character of the show. You would be hard pressed in either fandom to find someone who would name Atsushi or Shiro as their favorite character. I’m not saying these fans don’t exist, because they do, they are just few and far between.

Shiro spends the first half of the first season trying to avoid being killed by the Red Clan, who believes he killed their Clansman, Tatara Totsuka, at the same time, he is trying to convince his reluctant ally and potential executioner, Kuroh, that he isn’t the Evil Colorless King responsible for Totsuka’s death. Atsushi’s story, on the other hand, begins with him finding out he’s an ability user that shapeshifts into a white tiger, and, subsequently, being rescued and recruited into the Armed Detective Agency by Dazai. Then the Port Mafia begins hunting him because a bounty has been placed on his head, conveniently only after he’s learned that he is the white tiger that he believed had been hunting him his entire life, he’s joined the ADA, and Dazai has the chance to warn him with a picture of Akutagawa “beware of this bad boy” mere hours before Akutagawa attacks him.

The initial drawback with both of these characters is that they are merely victims of the plot and not helping to drive the plot forward in anyway. Shiro only becomes invested in determining why there’s video footage of him murdering Totsuka because Kuroh demands he provide evidence that he’s not the Evil Colorless King or he’ll face justice at the end of Kuroh’s blade. When Atsushi learns about the bounty on his head that Port Mafia is pursuing, rather than show interest in why anyone would want to capture him (alive, to boot), he “nobly” decides to run away, in his naivete believing that it would spare the ADA war with Port Mafia.

Throughout the K story, we do see real change in Shiro’s investment in his own mystery when it’s revealed that his memories, and the memories his classmates have of him, are not real, but fabricated and imposed upon him and those in close proximity by the cat girl that’s obsessed with him, Neko, AKA Official Provider of Fanservice #1.  This provides a further explanation for why he’s so lackluster about pursuing the truth, she’s been bending his reality and his perception of it from the start. It isn’t until her ability and how she’s been using it is revealed, and she runs off in humiliation and panic, that Shiro begins to actively pursue the truth. Even before this, however, Shiro is shown to be a wily and clever character who is quite self-sufficient. In his first meeting with Kuroh, he’s able to escape Kuroh’s justice by lying and manipulating the swordsman. He later throws off the Red Clansmen pursuing him by appearing just as Kuroh is facing off against a very annoyed Yata and calling out to Kuroh as though they are allies. This falls in line nicely with the big reveal of Shiro’s true identity as the Silver King, Adolf K. Weissman. In flashbacks to an unnamed great war (FYI, people speculate this was WWII, which, fun fact, would make Adolf a Nazi, but because this story takes place in an alternate history of the world, it’s equally possible Nazis never existed), we see that Adolf was originally researching the Dresden Slate, a mysterious artifact capable of granting people mysterious powers.

As Adolf, Shiro is shown to be a light-hearted, goofy man with no place in war or battle (consistent with what we’ve already seen in the show). Nothing of his character feels last minute retconned, and no previously unheard of connections are revealed to other existing characters in the show that haven’t been heavily hinted at or already explained. He believes that his research will be helpful in granting people their wishes throughout the world, yet when his sister is killed during an air raid, he runs away, leaving his research and the Slate with his friend, a Japanese military officer who becomes the Gold King and curator of the artifact. This turn of events does grant Shiro greater weight as a main character, and an importance in the plot that doesn’t feel contrived or heavy handed. Hints exist early on that Shiro is not who he thinks he is, starting with his high school classmate, Kukuri noting in introductory scene that she feels like he’ll disappear if she takes her eyes off of him. After all, one of the things that K is often praised for is its mastery of foreshadowing, this comes from having a very clear idea of the entire story its creators hoped to tell and a firm grasp of the connections between all of its characters.

That said, Shiro still remains throughout the story as relatively uninteresting, serving more as a plot device rather than a character. After the Blue Clan, the Silver Clan is the second least relatable and their scenes in Nameless Circle also remain a bit ‘meh’ as the “losses” the Silver Clan experienced throughout the anime were far removed from the actual plot. They didn’t resonate. We see, in Nameless Circle, Adolf’s sister and the younger version of his lost friend, the Gold King, enjoying breakfast with the Silver Clan every morning on repeat. Yet, Adolf’s sister was never developed beyond “here’s a tragic thing that happened in Adolf’s past”, so it’s hard to really feel her loss. She isn’t a person but a plot device, used to reveal more of Adolf/Shiro’s character rather than having anything of her own. As for the Gold King, he suffers the same fate as Adolf’s sister, but also, he lived a long life, and died of old age, so his death isn’t any kind of tragedy in the same sense as Mikoto, Totsuka, or Nagare’s deaths. There’s certainly a melancholy to these scenes, Adolf misses his friends, but it doesn’t pull at the heart strings, quite the way the Red and Green Clans losses do.

The real reason that Atsushi is being pursued at the start of the manga is yet to be resolved. We’re given a loose explanation, a foreign organization known as the Guild put the bounty on his head because allegedly his ability is the key to finding some powerful book that can manipulate reality. When the main antagonist of the Guild, Fitzerald, is defeated, this explanation and Atsushi’s importance becomes all but forgotten in subsequent arcs featuring new villain, Fyodor Dostoevsky. Atsushi himself can best be described as whiny and severely underdeveloped. He continues to be a victim of the plot just dragging him along, but worse, he quickly becomes one note with the constant flashback to his Orphanage’s director telling him he’s useless and doesn’t belong anywhere. There are entire scenes dedicated to this refrain causing him to full-scale breakdown into bouts of self-doubt. All I can say is he was eighteen when he was “kicked out” of the orphanage, he had zero work experience, and when we find him at the start of the story, he’s only been on his own a couple weeks and is already considering turning to assault and thievery to survive. Considering that Dazai and Chuuya were sixteen when they became Executives in the Port Mafia, Kunikida is only twenty-two and has already had a successful career as a teacher before becoming a detective with the ADA, Kenji is fourteen when we find him at the ADA and a former hard-working farmhand, Kyouka is a capable fourteen year old assassin before joining the ADA, Lucy is eighteen and comes from a similar abusive background and is already busting her ass to work for the Guild and then the ADA’s favorite Coffee Shop (jobs she got herself, thank you very much, for spending anytime looking for her like you promised, Atsushi, you jerk), and so on…I’m inclined to side with the orphanage director: Atsushi is useless. It’s a good thing they kicked him out, or he’d probably still be a bum surviving off social welfare the rest of his life.

I also can’t help but agree with Akutagawa, Atsushi has practically had everything handed to him and yet still manages to pull a pity party routine on the regular. It isn’t long after getting kicked out of the orphanage that he’s taken under Dazai’s wing and handed a job with the ADA. This wouldn’t be so terrible if he didn’t constantly squander it, and consistently prove that he doesn’t earn it. It’s hard to like him, especially when the author seems to be bending the story over backwards to give him some semblance of importance in the plot to the point it hurts the narrative. This is best exemplified in Dead Apple. Throughout the entire movie, we see every other character acting to bring the plot forward, meanwhile, Atsushi spends the entire time whining that they need to find Dazai, because Dazai will know what to do. Bitch, Dazai is busy trying to outsmart two super smart bad guys; he doesn’t have time to also prop you up on your own damn feet. It gets so bad that even Kyouka becomes fed up and leaves him. It really says something that the majority of comments for the movie on CrunchyRoll are complaining about how whiny Atsushi is throughout the movie.

While some people are quick to defend Atsushi by pointing to his abusive childhood to excuse his behavior, it is worth noting, he is not the only character that has an abusive past and he is far from being the character who has suffered the most abuse, and that’s including the odd growth on the side of Dead Apple’s plot that is the inexplicable, unnecessary, and might I add, ridiculous connection that was made between him and Shibusawa at the last minute that only raised more questions than answers and created huge plot holes. Atsushi’s travel companions in Dead Apple, Kyouka and Akutagawa, both have their own history of being abused. Just to underline Akutagawa’s complaint that Atsushi has everything and manages to forsake it all, Akutagawa was abused by Dazai, whereas, Atsushi is saved, fawned over, and praised by Dazai seemingly only for the sake of further tormenting Akutagawa. This continues to contribute to making Atsushi a weak character that I find difficult to really like all that much or see as having anything more than a forced relevance to the plot.

Atsushi does have redeemable moments in his interactions with Kyouka and Lucy. With the aforementioned Dead Apple aside, Atsushi is often at his best when he is with Kyouka. She sees him as her savior, and it reflects in the way that he treats her, being seen that way helps to boost him from pitiful status to someone that may actually have potential as a hero. As for Lucy, because she has a similar life history as Atsushi (abused orphan with matching burn marks), he can’t get away with the same woe is me lines that he throws at every one else. She’s got the same kind of past and manages to stand on her own two feet, forcing him to also rise up to meet her. Both of these girls have tragic histories, but seek to lift themselves up from those histories and stand their own ground, which serves to lift Atsushi as well, unlike with other characters that only patronize, validate, or outright feed into his insecurities leaving me playing on my phone hoping his scenes end quickly. More interactions between Atsushi and Kyouka, Atsushi and Lucy, or all three together would be a welcome addition in Season 4. These babies build each other up, and it’s beautiful to see.

At the end of the day, Shiro and Atsushi are prime examples of the “perfectly innocent protagonist whose only flaw is their own self-doubt” and exemplify why this type of a character is always, ultimately a failure.  They’re bright eyed, they’re kind, without internal debate they always make the right choice, everyone is drawn to them because they are light and goodness, I guess, and even when they are clearly the weakest in a fight, they always come out on top without working towards bettering themselves in anyway beyond putting in some old-fashioned good guy gumption. This is so painstakingly evident in Atsushi, who receives zero training upon joining the ADA, and is expected to battle (and is successful) against exceedingly powerful bad guys on the regular. Contrast this against Akutagawa, who we see underwent harsh training from the Port Mafia, yet still manages to always lose in his battles against the untrained Atsushi. Proving yet again, that you don’t need hard work to become the best, when you got the power of good on your side. Self-doubt exhibited by these types of characters never rings true, because we see them always get their way, everything turns out fine for them in the end, they never encounter lasting consequences for their choices (at one point in BSD, Akutagawa mocks Atsushi that everyone around him dies, but we have yet to see anyone he cares about die – the only person’s death that we see him have to deal with is his Orphanage Director that was coming to visit him with flowers and probably apologize for being a jerk, and his struggle there is with whether he’s allowed to still hate the guy or not, I mean, come on), and everyone around them that matters respects and dotes on them even before them being shown to truly do anything that should earn that respect and affection. I still don’t fully understand what compelled Kuroh to swear loyalty to Shiro, if I’m being perfectly honest, when Shiro is a lay-about, coward and liar, that ditches his clan in the end to soul search in his airship. Though, I will note, Shiro does demonstrate this character type a mite less than Atsushi. He’s not often shown to come out on top in battles, he doesn’t actually engage in any physical battle himself (his fight with Nagare at the end of Missing Kings, not withstanding, because he’s really just blocking that whole time waiting for Kuroh to show up and do the heavy lifting), he typically needs to rely on the strength and intelligence of others, and is more often than not shown running away. Also, Shiro is never really put into a position where he needs to make any hard, moral choices which has its own drawbacks for a main character in a show where a lot of hard, gray moral choices are being made around him.

I have seen it commented in defense of these characters’ weaknesses that the main character of a shonen/seinen story are always weak. This is not true, and I will point to one of my all-time favorite characters from any anime, as example: Edward Elric of Fullmetal Alchemist (both versions of the anime). Ed is badass, he earns his name as Fullmetal, and he earns his title as the youngest State Alchemist. We see him earn it as we watch him and his brother, Alphonse’s journey to become stronger, yet he also makes mistakes. It is his own arrogance that kicks off the entire anime when, in the Elric brother’s attempt to bring their mother back to life using forbidden Alchemy, Ed loses his arm and then his leg to save his brother who has lost his entire body. Their journey to find the philosopher stone for Ed is entirely about restoring his brother, he doesn’t care about his own body and, in fact, views his missing limbs as his own deserved punishment for challenging God, and throughout we see how their moral failing in the past effects all of their choices going forward. We know why Ed makes the choices he does; it isn’t merely because he is the “perfectly innocent protagonist that exudes light and good”; it is because he has learned from his mistakes. His naivete is not shown as a benefit, but as something to overcome. Ed is always acting on his own motives, while the plot is being driven forward by other characters around him, he is not merely a victim of the plot or being dragged along by it, his own actions and goals also help to forward the story and eventually brings him in direct conflict with the big bad. He struggles under the weight of the choices he’s made, he bears the burden of those he couldn’t save, he doesn’t leave the heavy lifting of gray moral decisions to the other characters, he’s seen to struggle and even lose in the anime, and in those instances, we watch him work to better himself so that he can come back stronger. We know where his power comes from – he trained and studied for it; it was never handed to him. Throughout the anime he is shown to literally and figuratively grow and develop into a powerful hero that we can believe is capable of overcoming our main antagonist, Father, in the end, but not without losses and struggle. This is a protagonist done right. Compared against Ed, the failings of both Shiro and Atsushi is glaring.

That is all I have to say about those two. Next up will be the Black Dog of the Silver Clan versus the Black Dog of Port Mafia.

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

hey so remember like last year when i was re-reading misadventures and fixing typos? (well, i say that, but it was just an excuse to re-read it and write some absolutely absurd commentary on it...) i found old notes in my phone from january with even more so guess i may as well post it because people seemed to find it funny at the time, it’s basically just The Misadventures of Aish Realizing Things though

[yeah so here’s the original notes i’m not even gonna change anything even though lots of Lore has happened in the show and we Know things now, you just get to see what january aish typed]

ok well let’s go then chapters 31-35 oh god

oh yeah the ML Blackout! I remember that

hm it’s occurring to me maaaaaybe I should post a bit of a warning on this chapter. like “yes this starts off stupid and cracky and fluffy but takes a complete 180 in the middle and you will end up sobbing.”

or maybe I should put that as a disclaimer on the whole fic cause it’s one hell of a ride

THE AROACE SCIENCE JOURNAL YESSSSSSS THAT COMES BACK LATER

yeah the reason why the early parts of this chapter are very lighthearted is honestly because the fic was getting a bit too bleak, I needed something cheerful, so paper planes and arm wrestles it was

wait... isn’t this just that scene from Anansi??? where like Nora challenges Nino to an arm wrestle but then he wins because Someone Else Nearby Did A Thing

also this is Peak characterization, damn Aish, you rly outdone yourself, congration

any time I drop the word “inkling” into a fic it is always 100% a splatoon reference

MAX WOW TONE DOWN THE GAY

heh... BI-ceps...

oh my godddd Max trying to play off his ogling as “ah yes I am scientifically studying Kim’s arm muscles ofc, it’s science I swear” is SO frickin funny I’m already losing it

Alix: “scientifically speaking I’m hot therefore you have to lose this arm wrestle” hshdhdghshskkjkdhshs

^literally the kind of nonsense every single teen I know spouts irl

including me when I was a teen, I just said things

(I still just say things)

you can’t bring up the sports bra thing goddammit, I agree it’s cheating because it has the power to one-hit kill anyone in the vicinity

I love how Max thinks his crush on Kim is “under control” while like. visibly swooning over him

OH MY GOD THE PILLOWS SHHDJDHDHDHSKHS

OKAY SO LIKE I was supposed to put the thing about Kim snogging a pillow in chapter 20 but I forgot or something and then I just had to get it in somehow, oh it kills me dead just thinking about it, I’m dying, I’m dead

and the fact that he admits to it as well, holy moly

KIM

K I M

THAT’S GAY

OH WOW

this is the moment when Alix’s Kimax shipper heart was suddenly feeling validated like “omg wait Kim DOES like Max??? like for real??????”

awwwww Kim, Max doesn’t have those kind of superpowers, you just have a crush on him that’s all <3

THE SKATEBOARDING SNEK!!!!!!!!!!!!

“What the heck is that?” “My snake.” DYINGGGG

Kim trying to figure out if the snake is sitting or standing is a whole mood

ohhhhhhhh my gosh poor Alix trying so damn hard to subtly ask Kim if he likes Max and Kim’s just. so DUMB he doesn’t even get it no matter how obvious she is

she’s even trying to pull out those stupid amatonormative “so is he MORE than a friend???” questions just to get this idiot to figure it out because she knows allo-romos are Like That and he still doesn’t get it,,

[future aish says: the word is alloro, past aish. it’s alloro]

AND SO NOW SHE ASSUMES THEY’RE NOT INTO EACH OTHER BECAUSE SHE THINKS EVEN KIM CAN’T BE THAT STUPID

YOU UNDERESTIMATE HIS STUPIDITY

oh no... oh NO.... the letter.... here we go....

btw yes Gabriel had Kim’s grandad assassinated, it was indeed his doing

...isn’t this lowkey the plot of The Lion King?

or Long Live The Queen

hmmm let’s just say in the sequel poor Kim really will have to deal with the stresses of ruling a country >:D

NO MY POOR SON HAVING A BREAKDOWN, I WANT TO HUG HIM

(also can I just say like... this chapter is actually well-written for the most part? I’m actually kinda impressed)

unfortunately I know the feeling of wanting, needing to return home, but it fills you with dread... *hugs Kim forever*

Kim crying all over Max both hurts me and sort of heals me because Max is so sweet and comforting about it ohhh my heeeaaart

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

THIS IS LOWKEY A LOVE CONFESSION I SWEAR, IT’S SO CUTE

chapter 32 being called “Un chat noir” is kinda dumb af but also it just so happened that I accidentally had the chapter called “Coccinelle” be chapter 64, aka exactly double of 32, so that was kinda neat

Plagggggg!!!!!!!!!!

and Wayhem lol, I think I’ve already mentioned how originally this noble was just some random irrelevant unnamed OC until I decided way later it’s gay stalker fanboy

oh yeah that’s how the nobility recognize the royalty, I forgot lol

(also nobles from countries with widespread newspress or tv will recognize them from news reports and stuff I guess)

the fact that Plagg just hates Wayhem is funny to me for some reason

MISADVENTURES

HOLY SHIT I ACTUALLY THREW IN THE ACTUAL WORD

except it was in reference to Adrien... let’s just say that The Misadventures of Imperial Prince Adrien may or may not make an appearance in the sequel >:D

...the Adrienette is literally just in this fic so that people would read it, ngl

hhhhhhhhhhhh okay it’s true Alix is an aro idiot who doesn’t know anything about romance but for once she’s RIGHT, Kim IS in love with Max, but she assumes she’s wrong hshgshdjhdnsnsh

oh my god noooo timeline twin go away and stop giving me nightmares

I still love how they hate each other, that’s some top-notch self-hatred right there and I need to get on their level

[future aish note: no past self!! be nice to yourself!! you are a cool bean!! own it!!]

YOU FOOL... EVERY CLASSMATE WOULD TAKE A SWORD TO THE HAND FOR ALIX, WHY WOULDN’T THEY

ỳïķèš,,,

honestly I probably should stop being lazy and actually go back to like idk chapter 8 and put in an actual monopoly game (it had to have been before the oracle sessions in ch10 at least)

fun fact!! I have indeed very nearly had a fist fight over the last dark blue card in a monopoly game!! also I blatantly cheated, and the main opponent locked someone else (an 8 year old btw) in a cupboard... it was Wild(TM)

me and my irl friend actually came up with the butterfly thing when we were at the cinema once, she made up this random angry gardener OC who stepped on a butterfly after being fired or something lol

I mentioned Rose liking unicorns!!!! before Captain Hardrock!!!!!!!

shdhdhkshs Alix is such a moody emo brat in this fic I adore it

“The only real difference between you and me is one dead butterfly.” goddammit that’s the creepiest fucking thing, I’m genuinely shaking

technically it’s a butterfly’s fault for ALL the timelines which means that we’re all one butterfly away from death at any moment

cheerful stuff

no, no, you’re not trying to block it out on purpose... I’M trying to block it out on purpose bc I’m highkey shamelessly projecting

god I wish my timeline twin would manifest in the astral plane and punch me in the arm too

“Count yourself lucky you’re not a pillow, idiot.” in-context this is contender for Most Cursed Line I Have Ever Written In My Life

and yes Alix was about to straight-up swear

Mylène rollerskating is extremely blessed and good

pfffffffff Max you coward, I stand on swivel chairs all the time

*me, chanting at the spider in my room* KIMAX! KIMAX! KIMAX!

Kim literally making every excuse to not put Max down is amazing honestly

Kim and Max’s origins story is sooooooooooo cute wtf

THIS IS SO BLESSED OH MY HEART

HE’S JUST STANDING THERE CUDDLING HIM I’M

DECEASED

I,,,, swear to god,,,,,,,

so like. I know it’s now canon in the show that Kim really is as oblivious to his feelings as I wrote him in this. but MY GOD. IT’S FRIGGIN PAINFUL

KIM YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH MAX, FULL HOMO, THAT’S WHY YOU’RE FEELING LIKE THIS, IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED DAMMIT

oh yeah I wrote the kimax bits rly early and my old url was @queenkubdel haha

aight now a no-kimax chapter, but at least it’s a goodun

there’s that catradora-esque weather girls frenemyship again

Kim having a full-on breakdown when he finds out Alix’s hair isn’t really pink is actually really blessed, no lemme explain

so this universe has magic, right?? so he thinks to himself that the reason his friend has pink hair is because she must be some sort of anime protagonist or Really Important and Cool or something, and it never even occurred to him to doubt her

in other words he’s betrayed because he WANTED HIS FRIEND TO BE A COOL SHONEN HERO

which is both hilarious AND very sweet

...oh wait I’ve scrolled down and it turns out I literally explained all that in the fic itself hhdgjdvzjdjhs

and yeah honestly I can’t blame poor Kim for taking it so badly, he’s still reeling from his grandfather’s assassination so it’s natural his emotions are not exactly Regulated atm

actually when are his emotions ever regulated

1703-1899 hm... might change that since the fic takes place in 1957-1960 so even though it’s a commissioned history of the empire it was before Gabriel was even born so like why would he even care lmao

“Great Western Ocean” so pretentious, just say the Atlantic omg

I’ve been playing way too much civ because the first thing that came to mind was that everyone’s denounced Agreste due to the high warmongering penalties of the industrial/modern eras

Chloé and Kim is one hell of a brotp okay I still firmly believe that

also Chloé still loves her rococo fashion, she’s just toned it down enough that she can fit through doors and it’s not quite as “in your face” towards commoners

listen I know in the show Kim still liked Chloé for a while after Dark Cupid but in this he got over her quicker because his crush on her wasn’t as deep in the first place

Kim literally tells Chloé he gave the brooch to Max and yet STILL doesn’t realize he likes him!!! KIM!!!!!!!!!!

Chlodemption arc yesssssssss

also she’s a lesbeean

(ye Pollen will be in the sequel don’t you worry)

god I’m so proud of her <3

it feels believable too, so I’m proud of myself!! (I’m trying to be nice to myself before next chapter where I will no doubt roast myself so badly I’ll never recover)

outdated laws about marriage... jeez was that cursed foreshadowing or what

YES IT’S IVAN, I LOVE THIS BOY, HE’S SO GRUMPY AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME AND HE HATES KIM

...actually wait this is sibling culture

I literally speak like this to my brother and he’s my best friend so in conclusion Ivan thinks of Kim as an annoying brother

Jalil why are you a historian. just go be a psychologist and stop your sister accidentally hecking up the country

omg the Antarctica thing, I’m just imagining Jalil in the freezing cold with a massive coat on and getting chased by penguins

I love how the timeline twin’s plan was “escape school, force Adrien to get a venomous pet, then abandon him immediately in the middle of nowhere” and later on it turns out she skipped step two and just ditched him lmaoooooo

being so ace that your brain goes straight to “death and murder” before anything else is the biggest mood, I speak from experience

Jalil knows... he had that conversation with Kim in chapter 20... he Knows

“a bit unsupportive” um that is an extreme understatement good grief he was more savage than ME

RISE OF THE KIMAX SHIPPERS

oh don’t worry the venom death still haunts me too

chapter I Hate You... “A rather rotten winter party” well it should have been named A RATHER ROTTEN CHAPTER DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPOSSIBLE THIS ONE WAS TO WRITE OMG I HATE WRITING MYSELF INTO CORNERS

you see I had to have a motive for the timeline twin to explain things properly so that I could put in a really really dumb pun later but that meant I had to unfortunately suffer many allergic reactions again

[future aish note: forgot to mention, i also needed a motive for kim to stop eating chocolate forever, so i had to Curse this chapter as a sacrifice in order to save his life later on]

alright, alright, here we go, I’ll stop procrastinating and just get this over with

oh yeah it’s chapters like these that the fic’s rated T lol

the Adrikim friendship is indeed important... for later... like, plot-relevant levels of important... life-saving levels...

“some event” is the Peace Ball actually and I can’t wait because that chapter’s actually a good one

KIM BRAGGING ABOUT KISSING ADRIEN LAST YEAR IS SO FUCKING FUNNY OH MY GOD I’M LOSING MY MIND???

like last year he was LITERALLY LIKE “oh boo hoo I cannot tell anyone about this because Adrien is Ã Bøyê” and now he’s just like “yeah I kissed a hot boy and what about it???”

to be fair he is on an extreme sugar rush from all the chocolate he ate, which will... be a plot point in just a moment...

PILLOW GIRLFRIEND

I’m the amused nobles, they are me

oh my god Kim we get it you want to kiss someone (Max) and you don’t want to outright say it

holy shit do any of these kids ever think before they speak??? not to sound like the timeline twin or anything but alix... you could have avoided this if you’d bothered to use your one (1) brain cell

[future aish note: bold of me to assume that alix has a brain cell]

Kim wants to now fight his PARALLEL SELF oh my god, get on my level Kim, I want to fight my actual self like right now so there

stfu all of you, this is poisoning my liver

Max is the biggest mood and at least mildly sensible thank god, but he really shouldn’t have left those two alone for even a second

I AGREE PLATONIC LOVE IS UNDERRATED

the chair... the fucking c h a i r... I’m already lying down but I need to lie down harder just to process the absurdity of this

(I think I was gonna have Alix fall off the chair just because that’s hilarious but I forgot)

look I can’t take heartrate seriously but if you ever write it then you are legally required to put in kissing contests or you’re doing it wrong

fudgin Adrienette kiss offscreen and irrelevant

DJWIFI!!! AND ACTUAL PROPER DJWIFI!!!! I was sick of seeing it treated as some kind of pair-the-spares beta couple so I flipped the script and had them literally call out that trope while treating Adrienette as irrelevant instead, which is also why the sequel will be extremely djwifi-centric

“super swanky bae” please stop misusing commoner slang I’m begging you

THERE’S THE PLOT POINT I WAS TALKING ABOUT

Theo was right here, he witnessed with his own eyes how much chocolate Kim ate, so he knows for a fact that if you give Kim chocolate he will scarf it down without a second thought... so hypothetically if one sent him poisoned chocolates... dyou see where I’m going with this...

oh and Theo still has like every job btw

Alya!!!! no!!!!! hire him again!!!!!!!! then he won’t send the chocolates!!!!!!!!!! aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

there goes me hinting how alyadrininette is the ultimate ot4 again

...do I really wanna scroll down and keep going? no I don’t but I guess I gotta, and relive every one of my most embarrassing school sleepovers in the process

full offence to everyone bothering to read this but kissing sounds gross, actually

(for the record it was probably like... 10 seconds or something idk it was Not Long At All)

“probably not more than 5 minutes” omg I just said it was 10 seconds??? hmmm m okay like 20 seconds maaaybe, Kim just has no sense of time perception

neither do I based on my microwaving skills

SHIT THIS IS LITERALLY A SCHOOL SLEEPOVER

INNOCENT DUMBASS AROACE ASKING “what does that mean? what’s this? what’s that? it’s okay you can tell me :-)”

omg I forgot the snake was there ahshdhdkshfs I’m the snake, probably wants to launch itself out of the window so big mood

most of the fic so far had Alix being really aro so I was like damn... gotta make her really ace too

(if I ever bother writing the Kimdine AU then you actually get an aro character who isn’t ace, because we need more of them, but I won’t say who) (okay fine it’s Luka)

I tend not to be too British in my writing so as not to give the Americans heart attacks whenever they see someone referring to their mother as “mum” etc, but like... sometimes you just gotta throw in the word “snogging”

(I’m typing this out on my phone rn and it has exactly 69% battery, I hate this and also hate that I felt the need to mention that)

THE HOCKEY THING MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN BASED OFF A REAL LIFE THING. *SWEATS NERVOUSLY*

honestly I was soooooo tempted to actually write The Talk bit, it would have been the funniest thing ever, but I was also 99% sure I would have to change the rating to M (despite it not even remotely being smut lol, just a regular biology lesson) and there was no way I was doing that, pretty sure I pushed the T rating at some points as it is

[future aish: god i am still so tempted to write it. man, i’m tempted. it would be the funniest thing. but no... i have sworn not to write anything above a T rating so guess i won’t.]

YEAH THE THROWING UP THING TOO WAS DEFINITELY NOT BASED ON REAL LIFE OR ANYTHING *MORE NERVOUS SWEATING*

(it genuinely wasn’t a flowerpot though. it’s my life’s goal to throw up in a flowerpot and I still haven’t achieved it.)

all of this is an Ace Mood(TM)

also I love how elaborately I’ve worded this, like yeah idiot royal teenagers are too royal and posh to ever bother just saying the word “sex” like a normal person

to any 17 year old aces: you aren’t too young to know, I told myself that aggressively when I was 17 but now I’m 22 and I’m still just as ace as I always was sooooo yeah

I also hope I can wake up tomorrow and forget I read this trash

well tbh... it’s not total trash... it highkey reminds me of my school days, like, maybe that was subconscious or something... god who even knows

jeez if timeline twin slapped me in the face I’d just keel over and die from sheer terror, other than that that’s HILARIOUS

timeline twin: “YOU HAVE ONE (1) BRAIN CELL NOW P L E A S E CONSIDER USING IT”

fuckeninf hell listen,,, so when I was writing this chapter I didn’t know I was aro... I mean, I was kinda questioning it?? but all I knew was I was ace, and that me not knowing that as a teenager almost totally screwed me over because like

to be normal or to feel normal there’s things you do or say that you don’t want, and things you know would happen or whether you want something or not you’ll take it because you think you’re expected to, because otherwise you’ll have to confront yourself with the fact that something is wrong with you and you don’t know what or why or how to fix it

and being aro on top of that is misunderstanding how to navigate close friendships because of this fundamental fear that if you want to be close with someone then friendship can’t suffice, that how much you care about them doesn’t matter

and things I did or almost did, or had the chance to do and only stopped because (awfully enough) crippling anxiety which ironically saved me (let’s just say the dude turned out to be a creep)... yeah basically this is all a callback to that aroace teenager feel where you can’t help not being true to yourself because you don’t want to, because you don’t know what’s wrong or right, only what’s “normal” and the ache of knowing that you’re not, no matter how much you try

and I didn’t know I was aro while writing this but in hindsight it’s easy to see how that played into it too, and writing this definitely played a part in me realizing I’m aro and was somehow trying to work through some very pent-up feelings about friendship and closeness with people, as well as pent-up feelings about being ace and how that tied into everything too

...in short, do not phuck the pharaoh or you will get HOUSE ARRESTED and DIE

(jk jk she’ll just be awkward around you forever lol, and then SHE’LL get house arrested and die, because you’re not commoners so your actions actually have consequences you dumb idiots)

this entire thing is just a whole mood and lowkey my teenage years holy fuck holy fuck I hate that I’m only just realizing how bloody hard I was projecting

I literally read a post the other day about how unrequited love is only ever usually explored from the perspective of the person who’s in love, whereas aros are usually on the receiving end of it and it’s a tragedy in its own right that you might do things that wind up driving you apart because you can’t bring yourself to love them back but you can’t tell them because of the fear that it’ll push them away... and I gotta say, I totally nailed it 💪

...you know what I’ve changed my mind, chapter 34 is good actually, and now I need to make a time machine and go and hug my 17 year old self for living this, and then hug my 20 year old self for writing this, I’m sorry I was mean to this chapter it’s very relatable and I shouldn’t keep beating myself up over it

thinking makes me miserable too!! that’s why it’s optimistic nihilism only lads

impulse control, hmmm... someone who’s good for him, hmmmmmm... it’s almost like someone like that is right there and exists and is already in love with him 😏

so apparently timeline twin’s idea of “fixing her life” is burning all her bridges and then hecking off to the Kazakh wilderness for over a year

did Alix just... ask the snake if it’s aroace too???

I mean it definitely is, but...

UGH SNAKES DON’T BLINK, I’M STILL SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS

chapter 35, thank god, the title “Finally!” is very apt

(because I can finally change the music from Death Valley to something else lol)

oh poor Max, his heart goes on a real rollercoaster these few chapters doesn’t it? it’s okay buddy, in like 10 chapters you’ll get your man...

NO BUT SHE H A S FIGURED IT OUT!!! SORT OF!!!

I just misread “despite” as “despacito”, I’m going to bed and continuing this tomorrow dammit

alright I am now funky refreshed and ready to roll, let’s get this kimax party started

Max is angsting internally like “no one’s realized I like Kim :( well except Juleka but she’s a lesbian so she doesn’t count” ashgdjsghskk that mlm/wlw solidarity is holding out I see

YES ALIX YOU DO NEED TO TALK TO NATH MORE, THAT’S YOUR FREAKING BEST BUD IN THE SHOW MAY I REMIND YOU

this is all so Irony it’s murdering me dead

okay yeah I’m gonna be really honest and salty here for a second, this bit where Max is annoyed that Alix takes Nath more seriously as a contender than him was me being a bit salty over the fact that like... kimnath/tomato ketchup is a great rarepair but got so weirdly popular amongst people who didn’t seem to care about Max as a character at all despite how close he is with Kim in canon, and as a Max Stan it made me sad because he’s already not very appreciated in fandom

[future aish note: HE IS NOW BABEY!]

THERE IT IS

I WANT TO HUG MAX TOO, BLESS HIM

I also want to hug Alix because godddds I’ve been in that situation where if you were allowed to just TELL the idiots that they like each other then all their problems would be solved but noooo, you’re sworn to secrecy... *sigh*

“I’ll make sure that doesn’t change, ever...” me: *thinks about the sequel and cackles evilly while cracking my knuckles* well,,

A R O M A N T I C

listen it was VERY IMPORTANT to me that I actually put in all these actual words in the fic and made them relevant, like gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc (I think the only one I didn’t was trans, oops?? gotta remember that for the sequel, at least Nino IS trans in this even though I never said the word)

[future aish note: i feel like i didn’t say pan either, or nonbinary... more stuff for the sequel folks! i can’t put in everything but i may as well try!]

bc you see all these tv shows where a character is bi but they say they “don’t like labels” or a character with no love interest get suddenly paired up with someone random at the end... like NO I wanted to do the OPPOSITE of that bc people’s identities are IMPORTANT so I wanted to MAKE IT RELEVANT 💪

and even though I didn’t yet know here that I was aro and highkey projecting, there’s already a fair few fics dealing with asexuality but not aromanticism?? so I rly wanted to make the aro side of things important

almost relieved??? Max, you buffoon, she IS relieved, extremely

Malix friendship is good and severely underrated and I still haven’t forgiven myself for not putting more of it in this

“He was never eating chocolate again” HO-HO-HOLY SHIT THAT’S SOME FORESHADOWING RIGHT THERE

Rose is a distinguished bi who doesn’t realize Kim is a disaster bi

Kim oh my god you can’t just out Adrien “just about functional bi” Agreste like that

I love that Rose calls Kim a casanova even though he’s very much not... how many people are even into him over the course of the fic? Max, Adrien, it’s implied Marinette used to be, Lila is ambiguous, same with the lacrosse guy later, oh yeah Ondine highkey lmao along with 90% of the teenage population of Saharan Africa, Kim himself in about 2 chapters time...

Rose giving Kim the gay talk is so blessed omg I need more interaction between these two

“If you swung one way you were gay, if you swung the other way you were straight, more than one way made you bisexual, if you didn’t swing any way at all then you were probably just Alix...” I will literally NEVER be able to outdo this line, this is Peak

hmm I don’t think at any point in the fic Max says to Kim that he’s exclusively into boys... I guess he said it offscreen then lol, point is He’s Gay

OMG KIM, YOU FINALLY REALIZED WHAT THE NOSEBLEED SCENE MEANT, GOD BLESS YOU

this is like in Syren when he realizes the mermaid is Ondine and that she was trying to tell him she likes him... except this is the gay version of that

yeah Rose I really do need to get more sleep, that one was directed at me and I know it was

Kim being all like “fellas is it gay if you take off your shirt and a guy swoons at you 🤔🤔🤔”

no, no... Max is definitely a complete trainwreck at romance, just slightly less than you

god freaking dammit not the sports bra again,,, I s2g later in the fic all Ondine would have had to do is to show up in a sports bra and Kim would immediately go full ot3 mode no questions asked,,,,,,,, (I mean he does see her in a swimsuit but that’s not the same??? sports bras are in a different league okay shush)

psssssst!!! you should read heartbroken!!!! it’s a kimax fic and it’s so good!!!!! this was a lowkey shoutout!!!!!!!!

genuinely tho, even if Kim hadn’t liked Max too here, he’s being so sweet about it?? he’s worried about his poor friend’s emotional state and wishes he could have done better to help!! gahhhh their friendship/relationship is just So Blessèd

hsndhkdhdkshdh I only noticed it after finishing the fic and occasionally skimming back through, but so much of the time whenever Alix shows up Kim’s all like *ungrateful* “oh not you again” like WOW that’s one way to greet your friend?? mood tho

[future aish note: i did the exact opposite in No Romo, funnily enough! kim’s not in it much but whenever he sees alix he’s like “friend!!! friend!!!!!” and she’s just like -_- “oh it’s that guy again”]

he’s not even paying attention to her omg she’s trying to save the timeline here you idiot

POOR ALIX how frustrating,,, and also I’ve literally been there,,, the woes of being a wing-girl indeed

and now Kim wants to fight himself, why am I not surprised

aND YES HERE’S WHERE IT HITS HIM, THE EXACT FUCKING MOMENT

WHERE HE’S SUDDENLY LIKE “OH WAIT MAX’S LOVE FOR ME ISN’T UNREQUITED??? I LIKE HIM TOO HOLY SHIT????”

aaaaaaand he immediately asks the aro for love advice, why is he like this omg

gosh this is sooooo sweeeeeet

I did not let up, did I? just went ahead and made this as cheesy and cutesy and over the top as I could because It’s What Kimax Deserves

(there wasn’t rly much Kimax content yet in the fandom at this point so I had total free reign and went all-out with it)

sfjsgskdhs and there goes Alix getting her wing-efforts sidelined again

“I’m never asking out someone on a whim again. Or, uh, confessing that I like someone on a whim either.” so uh... you know how I said I’m considering making the sequel Kimaxdine? well if I do then uh. hm. this might change. because reasons.

I don’t know why I made nothing Alix ever says make sense but I’m glad I did because she’s so freaking funny

I swear I talk about Max’s eyes being “magnified in his glasses” multiple times in this fic, either that or I’m having serious deja vu

Kim’s so cute dammit!!! now that he knows he likes Max he’s just swooning over every little thing and it’s!!!! adorable!!!!!

(I wonder if this is how it was with Kimdine in the show? it does seem like Kim already liked her but just hadn’t noticed...)

huehuehuehue Kim later on you do indeed recklessly propose to Max on the spot... in like 18 chapters or so

also the fact that Kim thinks things through better when he’s around Max is just the total sweetest and also what Alix was basically trying to aim for

I love Kim showing off that he can pack all his stuff in half an hour like buddy, the porters can literally help you with that, you’re royalty remember

omg I’d forgotten I left a note here later for binge-readers!! being all like “drink water and eat food and go to sleep uwu”

lmao guess I’ll take my own advice then and leave it there for now

[future aish note: same, goodnight]

[angel-of-reckoning]

Thoughts on The Gardener of Gratitude, its themes and its concepts

Now that The Gardener of Gratitude is complete, I want to just kind of muse on what went into it and expand upon my thoughts about various things.

If you have not read the entire story including the epilogue, there will be spoilers in this post, so please be mindful of that.

When I decided to remake The Gardener of Gratitude and began writing up the details of its characters and plot, I had certain ideas in mind right away.

One thing that was particularly important going in was completely reconceiving Fernando VIII’s character. Instead of being the unrepetantly, cartoonishly evil character he was before, I wanted to reinvent him as a sympathetic villain who embodied the “good villains are the ones who see themselves as the hero of their story” idea. In the earliest drafts of the remake’s concepts, he was still angered by Rosalita becoming the heir to the throne over him and was obsessed with defending the kingdom from outsiders. This evolved over further development to become just one part of Fernando’s backstory, indicating that he was upset over being passed over for the throne because of his belief that only he could protect La Ciudad Dorada from external threats. Ultimately, it became what you see in the story - he is unable to cope with Rosalita being chosen because it ruined his idea of where he belonged, and his discovery that an outsider - Sutter - gained the gift of the Fountain of Life while he never would focused his anger on the idea of outsiders taking what belonged to the Doradans in his mind.

Coupling into that is another theme I wanted to include, which is the danger of falling into extremism. This isn’t something that really requires an explanation to understand the subtleties of; it’s obvious how Fernando’s descent into madness and the way his actions tore both his family and Matt/Amanda’s apart. Surprisingly, though, there’s a more subtle sort of extremism Rosalita fell into. When Fernando finally snapped and murdered their parents, Rosalita fled the kingdom to escape him framing her, but once she connected with Matt’s group she was able to put her own plan into place - complete the trials of the Three Pillars as fast as possible so she could take the throne, reasoning that once she did so, her occupying the position he sought would force him to relent in his quest. She learned otherwise over the course of the adventure, but by the point she got the chance to put that into effect, it was already too late.

However, there is another theme that links Fernando, Rosalita and Shaymin together in that they all made a similar mistake. All three are preoccupied to various degrees with clinging on to elements of the past that they need to move on from. Fernando is the most plain of the three. He wishes to preserve an idealized version of what he has been taught the kingdom should be. This is the end result of his obsessive research into Doradan history, which has led him to see peace as the product of a stagnant, unchanging society. Rosalita, on the other hand, wants to hold on to their shared innocence and close bond from when they were children. Ironically, this drives her to fail to notice Fernando’s descent into madness until it’s too late; had she been more able to place herself into his shoes while she was being prepared for the throne, she might have been able to help him reach a better fate. That said, it is probably up to the individual reader to decide if that would actually be the case. I don’t have a position either way on if it would really unfold like that.

Perhaps most interesting is how Shaymin made this mistake. In fact, everything that went wrong is arguably, in the end, all Shaymin’s fault. Despite being a Pokémon that feeds off of gratitude, Shaymin didn’t trust the Doradan people to continue expressing gratitude for their peace and prosperity after the civil war, so it helped cover up the truth of the conflict for centuries. It, too, wanted to keep the kingdom preserved in a state of stagnation in the name of peace, but pulled all of the rulers after Fernando IV first conceived this plan into it as well. This led to Fernando VII and Sophia concealing the truth from their children, which in turn led to Fernando VIII becoming obsessed with keeping things as they were, and finally to him rebelling. When he discovered Sutter’s role in the kingdom’s succession ritual and that Sutter drank from the Fountain of Life, he could not reconcile those facts with his deeply ingrained beliefs and snapped, murdering Sutter, his parents and ultimately carrying out his campaign as depicted in the story proper. Had Shaymin trusted the people enough to push back when Fernando IV proposed lying about the cause of the first civil war, there would have been none of the extreme secrecy that caused this chain of tragic events. If nothing else, Shaymin needed to understand that the state the kingdom was in prior to the war could not come back. The innocence was lost, and the only way forward was to incorporate the reality of the war into La Ciudad Dorada’s collective identity and move on into the new future.

Loss of innocence is another theme that comes up, mainly when it comes to Rosalita and her relationship to Fernando and their parents. Like how La Ciudad Dorada could never be the same after the civil war changed everything, there could be no turning back after Rosalita being named crown princess upended the dynamic between the two of them. They could never again be the children who played games pretending to be the king and the king’s knight, which they’d managed to preserve right up until that moment. Had things worked out for the best, they would have been able to put together a similar dynamic with the roles reversed. But once that decision was made, Fernando fell into despair over the loss of the life he both knew and expected, while Rosalita believed in vain that she could convince him to go back to what they had. He couldn’t cope with the loss of their innocent life, and it took until the moments leading up to her coronation for Rosalita to realize that innocence would not come back.

Yet another theme, and one that expands beyond the royal family, is the search for a place where one belongs. It’s a theme that even continues beyond The Gardener of Gratitude into The Angel of Reckoning, coming to be embodied by the searches Matt, Nekou and Olivia are on, but it is prominently featured in The Gardener of Gratitude as well. It forms a core component of Fernando’s motivation; as mentioned above, he fell into despair and lashed out because there was no way he could reconcile what he believed with what he learned. It gave him the impression that he was unwanted and unneeded, that his birth was a curse due to the lie that twins caused the first civil war. His despair over this is what caused him to take the actions he took prior to and during the story; he truly felt he had no right to exist and couldn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, any chance that he mattered. He felt compelled to seek out a validation of his existence through any means necessary, and it ultimately caused him to become blind to reality and, in the end, lose everything including his life. Rosalita, on the other hand, knew where she belonged but had trouble coming to terms with what it would mean for her life. Noel and Leon are driven by searching for a peaceful existance by escaping their life of crime through one big score. Perhaps most notably aside from Fernando, Eleanor is very upfront about her feelings of not feeling at home anywhere. She is a native of a large metropolis (Orsay City in Kalos) but that isn’t the kind of person she is, so she doesn’t have a place she feels comfortable in. Had she lived, she would have moved to La Ciudad Dorada. But as things stand, she sacrificed herself because she truly felt like she belonged in La Ciudad Dorada, with the people she met there. To her, the act of self-sacrifice she carried out was the ultimate act of love for the place she felt like she belonged in.

Now, shifting gears, Cassy’s role in it this time. In the original version of the story, Cassy was an active antagonist secretly collaborating with Fernando throughout the plot in order to take the Griseous Orb for Polaris, although she was still using their multi-layered infiltration of Team Galactic as a cover. While those basic ideas are still there, I wanted to reconceive large strokes of her role as part of a more significant reinvention of her character in the greater Operation GEAR project. The fact that she is the one who wrote the letter threatening La Ciudad Dorada and thus provoked Fernando into action may make her seem like, to put it in trope terms, the Greater Scope Villain of The Gardener of Gratitude. I guess in some views, that could be seen as true, but that’s not really the way I want it to be personally. I see her more as still being a protagonist, but of an entirely different story than the one the other protagonists are pursuing, one that has more of an agenda behind it. She may have written the letter, but none of what she did was a plan she came up with; indeed, if anyone is a Greater Scope Villain for the remake, it’s Finansielle. The final scene of Chapter 9 is intended to emphasize this, but in case my intentions did not come across as clearly as I hoped, let me explain it: Cassy is, as she does in The Angel of Reckoning as well, working on an operation with Mercury as her handler. The plan was devised by Finansielle using her consultation with the as-yet-unnamed “Oracle” Polaris holds, who gave her details on exactly how everything in La Ciudad Dorada would play out. It was Finansielle who ordered Cassy to compose the threat, knowing that threatening La Ciudad Dorada would lead to all the events that occurred and ultimately allow Cassy to take the Griseous Orb for Polaris. In a sense, and this is something I want to further emphasize in The Angel of Reckoning, Cassy is herself a victim caught up in Finansielle and Father’s machinations, allowing herself to be manipulated by them because she believes - or needs to believe - that their endgame will let her go where she wants to go. That’s something for The Angel of Reckoning, though, as I said.

Well, I might as well wrap this up. I hope I was able to give you an insight into how I worked on the story!

[the-canine-king]

i answered all 50 questions in that oc question post

note: i'm only talking about the ones i made lol i was gonna link them all the character’s names to their profiles but that shit’s way too much work so: https://toyhou.se/CanineKing/characters/folder:all/tags:1/tagged:Original

1. Your first OC ever? hmm, there's probably two answers 1) an unnamed character who was basically a fantasy dressed fox kemono boy. do you remember playing a game as a kid where you look out the window in a car and you imagine someone doing sick parkour beside your car? he was the character i imagined (there was also a whole other story i dreamt up where i was some long lost princess from other world and he was gonna save me from this one but that's a whole other thing) he's technically a character i thought of but never thought of anything beyond that, i don't think i ever drew him either 2) 4 (maybe 5) characters i made in middle school where it was about these characters that come from families that can bend one particular element, and they're all friends on school trying to get used to their passed down powers and also be basically kid superheroes. i drew them out and gave them names, but i never wrote anything beyond that, but they were definitely ones that i would call my first actual written ocs 2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs? -looks at ace, eliott, and mel- no 3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else? yup! before i wasn't so big on the adopt thing, but i turned into a fan w/ collecting designs and writing a lil story for them! i adopted 38 characters, and one other that's currently still in the process of trade :P (and unfortunately trying to purge some away) 4. A character you rarely talk about? unfortunately that'd be a lot of characters bc i'm super focused on drawing ace/ mel smooching for the 548787th time 5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be? i'd probably make it eliott bc who else doesn't love a cute, shy, goat boy on the internet 6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related? ...... i can't think of any lmao 7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories? i literally only make ocs to make stories so 8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here! nah i can't do rp stuff :'D 9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else? honestly, not really if i made them lol but i guess i can if i'm not attatched to them and such, so if i just made a design and offered them up then yeah i can trade them (unless i love their design lol) 10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design? even thought i haven't fully drawn my plans for his outfit, azazel would be the most complicated in my standards 11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? me personally, i'd say eliott bc that baby boy is trying his best story wise, either thorne or lucas (but totally lucas since thorne is a liar at heart) 12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot TOO MANY AUGH the very first oc i fell in love with but was forever homes was like a fantasy setting character that was an adventurer and had eagle legs/ other features w/ banging colours but other than that too many others 13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs? again, a lot, i guess. bc they mostly fall into that trope? aiden (even though he's trying to be a better person), damien, eve, hugh (in a way), jack, ollie, ricky, roman, and wyatt 14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory uhhhh, hard to choose, i don't have any more bc i haven't written their backstories yet lol - growing up as a theif his whole life to support him and his mother, accidentally kills someone after an awakening of powers and is had to run from his hometown - growing up being shadowed over and forced to be someone that they're not, only to get their hubris get to them, causing themselves and others get hurt and can't even remember the person they loved - growing up w/ betrayal after betrayal she closed herself off, but they met someone and slowly opened up and accidentally fell in love w/ them, only later getting caught and fell from grce, then only to find the person they trusted before not remember them - after being caught on what seemed to be a fatal accident, gets rescured from a miraculous surgery, but he's slowly forgetting what he looks like and who he was every passing second - two people close to each other, only to end up w/ betrayal and lies 15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people? absolutely but if they ask me something i haven't planned yet i'm just "UHHH" 16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)? 17. Any OC OTPs? nah ace/ mel is my notp :/ anyways if it's couples in general then: - ace/ mel - lucas/ darla - kaiko/ caspian - + a bunch of the parents in the monster family story - damon/ ollie (okay i'm really not planning for them to be together, but they cute u.u) - jebediah/ demon boyfriend - gunther/ harem - nadiya/ her girlfriend which i still haven't decided if i want her to be like a princess or a traveling swordsman of sorts) - the chimera girl i designed/ her human girlfriend - the fallen god/ mercenary 18. Any OC crackships? uhh i actually don't know :V anyone of the people listed  being w/ someone else would be a crackship? idk every other pairing i know i wouldn't like lol 19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why) i guess eliott! i guess also catherine, ricky, comet, and/ or captain since they were my fist group of ocs i wrote a bit about, but i think eliott means a lot more bc he was the one that got me thinking more about ocs  :> 20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)? for some reason i feel like rosa would be a singer? va hc would be someone w/ a strong husky voice and she would probably sing really well in kind of old slow songs you hear in old bars i also thought maybe lillie could sing too, but they’d usually be softer songs or lullabies to calm herself down it’d be nice/ cool to write for fallen god to be able to sing as well, and maybe the mercenary too so they can have nights signing together. maybe fallen god can sing songs that are in their own god language or whatever, and mercenary can watch in awe there may be others but i can’t think of them rn/ they might be charas i haven’t fully made yet 21. Your most artistic OC lmao it’s a bunch of ocs that i haven’t developed my ocs enough for me to know so let’s skip i guess 22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how? i mean, people get some stuff wrong about my ocs sometimes but they’re usually so small that i really don’t care about it lol 23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like? hmm they relatively stayed the same personality wise but i assure you everyone’s changed from their initial drawing of them 24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why? that's. a really hard choice actually lol bc i wanna be hugged by one of the parents in the monster family story i made, but i also wanna hang out w/ the characters that i can comfortably hang out w/ lol 25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?) everyone’s got a bit of shared piece of themselves w/ their ocs don’t they? 26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? against my will? i can’t think of anything that i changed against my will so no :V 27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? the only two i can come up rn are: alistair (devil wears a suit and tie) and rosa (o, raven) 28. Your most dangerous OC? i guess the chimera girl i made since she’s trying to fit in the modern life? i mean i still haven’t thought of her story yet but i know she Angery 29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going? ace, aiden, maybe keaton 30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection? mel, eva, roy 31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really) eliott: landscape stuff, muted colours, mystical content here and there ace: default theme, memes, probably has a side blog that’s more of an aesthetic blog mel: super aesthetic blog, romance themed 32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why? literally anyone in the renegade group i could’ve said anyone in the hunters group but they’re all fucking idiots (lee would be more closer to the renegade’s level tho) 33. Your shyest OC? eliott, roy, audrey, fallen god 34. Do you have any twin characters? i literally want to design twin ocs just to have twin ocs jdshfkjsdf 35. Any sibling characters? audrey, dylan, and elle + eve and juno + ace and jack 36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)? nah not really lol 37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human ?? i barely have human characters in the first place, unless this one means humanoid :V 38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer? iiiii can’t think of anyone other than the two parents i thought of that i’m planning to be dance teachers lmao 39. Introduce any character you want i haven’t drawn them yet but fallen god and mercenary are two unnamed characters that i recently started thinking of where fallen god falls from the heavens and looses their sight, and the merc runs from their past meet and they team up together w/ the merc being fallen god’s eyes and the fallen go being their protector 40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share! i guess it;s just sentimental ones like, first ocs, first compliments, first art/ fic of them, etc. 41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!) YEAH AND EVERYONE DRAWS THEM CUTER THAN I DO (well i mean these were from freebies, art trades/ games, and gifts but still) please check out ace’s other’s art gallery and eliott’s other’s art gallery, bc they have the most of them (bc i ask for them a lot lol) 42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods? whoever in middle school age i guess 43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess big n beefy, jokesters, heart of gold 44. Something you like about your OCs in general that i made them all (well of course not the adopted kids) 45. A character you no longer use? everyone every time i don’t focus on their story anymore than i used to ;;;; 46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly? fortunately no, and i hope no one does and it’d stop to others bc wow that’s rude as hell 47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child? okay literally the first time i made eliott, everyone i knew wanted to adopt him as their kid lol 48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure eliott, parker, elle (i love all of them tho :’D) 49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes ace, roman, ricky, aiden, dylan, eva, ollie 50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want i love all of my babes okay good night

[samiralula01]

Shibisaki the Traitor?

  → alternate title; continuation of “two cents on shibisaki.” 

To quote Ryusaki, “I’ll need a bit more time to gain more information, but be leery of Prince Hayashi, at the very least.” 『 Ep • 079 』

As a quick side note, I’m betting that this series will conclude at 100 episodes, the way the plot is moving at a rapid pace and giving us the ends of the loose strings to tie together. ∾

Now, then. Let’s examine our General to get a good picture of his standing ground in this plot. 

【1】What do we know about Shibisaki?

Not much. We don’t even know his first name. The only certainties we can give him is that he is the second highest in command of the entire army, after the blood king brother duo, a member of the Blood Core and a foreigner. His appearances can also be counted on my (two) hands. 

From his younger years or background, all we can say with certainty is that he was living at the palace since he was young and that the circumstances which brought him to the palace in the first place weren’t the best. 

【2】Let’s say he betrayed Mei and Ryusaki by setting them up. [Ep.79] How has he treated them before then?

A)   In my previous post, “Who is aware of Mei’s past?” I mentioned Shibisaki’s first meeting with Mei, he pretty much treated her like everyone else...cold, suspicion, pretty mean...haha. 😁 But even if he didn’t immediately recognize her as Mei Kihara, he actually treated her better as a stranger to begin with, I think. 

He went from just uncaringly cold to downright caringly nasty (and shoving) in his next appearance with Mei,『 Ep • 013 』which is then obvious that he knows exactly who she is. But the thing is, his hatred of Mei is honestly kind of mysterious.

Even Mei, our observant and intelligent protagonist, has no clue why he hates her so much and mentions just as much on three occasions, I believe from memory. Could be more than that.

Maybe one would think that I’m picking on this issue a bit much, but the author gives this question above a whole page completely blank except for this one line. I’m not going to look down on that significance. 

Though to be quite blunt, and so I can move on, the answer can only be found to this question with Daisuke. He’s obviously the driving force in Shibisaki’s opinions of Mei and pretty much everyone associated with Mei was also with her elder brother. 

B)   As for Ryusaki, though I have no ideas as to their first meeting, their appearances together in the story are...interesting...as well. 

He’ll show him enough respect to keep up pretences when Ryusaki is going around in his Blood King mask, referring to him as “my king,” and with proper honorific, though on a personal level he’s shown to be very dismissive of him while in comparison is not of Katsu, whom he actually calls by name.

Which is amazing for a guy who only refers to people by title, surnames or insults. 

So yes, while Katsu gets ‘first name’ treatment, Ryusaki is given the ‘title,’ treatment.『 Ep • 033 』Which would seem normal, given his usually stoic and ‘feelings are a waste of time,’ personality and not something worth mentioning, except that Ryusaki gives this strange look in response.

I’m not sure if I’m able to comment on their relationship with my little current information but as we learned in『 Ep • 079 ���Ryusaki not only is, but was suspicious of Shibisaki for quite some time though he couldn’t do much since he didn’t have the appropriate evidence.

(Seems like a similar situation to Daisuke and his lack of evidence on Yuuta...hm?) 💅

【 3 】Relationship with Kôzuke?

Let’s use a hypothetical situation now. Say that Shibisaki did betray the Blood King (and co.). The next thing to assume is that he’s working for my main man Kôzuke/Yuuta Murakami/the true king.

If that’s the case - what relationship do the two have?

In『 Ep • 051 』we learn the joint background of Shibisaki and Kôzuke. They were brought to the palace in unfortunate circumstances, (in Yuuta’s story, he was a captive prince.) and the fact that not only were they forcibly brought to the palace, they had “nothing left,” as Katsu says.

Though these lines are attributed to Kôzuke, it wouldn’t be out of the question for them to be also valid for Shibisaki. “I don’t have a home. Not anymore.” 

“Well, don’t you have a family…?”

“I do not.”『Ep • 57』

Actually, Shibisaki’s version of this line would be: “...and where would I have gone?”

Though Shibisaki did manage to make the best of it by rising through the ranks and becoming a General.

The two also seemed familiar enough with each other that Yuuta could tease him by calling him, “shy,” and not get insulted in return. 

“He’s shy. One day he’ll come around.” 

Though... Shibisaki wouldn’t leave with Yuuta and was still a part of the army during the war three years before the start of the story. He’s also been shown to hold no connection to Kôzuke as of recent, although he does seem to be up to something with Prince Hayashi.

【 4 】Conclusion?

I found it hard to doubt Shibisaki’s service in the military and Blood Core the more I thought about it.

Though he most certainly holds no loyalty towards Ryusaki and has a strange ‘hate-ish’ relationship with both him and Mei, the General is undoubtedly loyal to Katsu if anything and considers it to have “been a privilege,” to serve him.

The only thing that one has to doubt about him was the fact the someone had told Kôzuke about Katsu and Mei’s kiss, and that it was a soldier. Who was obviously not Tanaka, since he died before this. (You know, the guy who kidnapped Mei...and was killed for it.)

Also, the other suspicious facts of being seemingly sided with Prince Hayashi, Ryusaki’s mistrust of him and his past with Yuuta Murakami.

...To be short, I have no idea if Shibisaki is a traitor or a double agent, or what have you. The missing key to understanding everything in this story is ultimately with Daisuke. 

Forget the side questions like ‘who is the real blood king,’ since that is honestly a stand-alone issue. All the real plot points originate or are in effect to Daisuke’s life and death.

It’s due to Daisuke that the story even begins, all the personal connections in this story have Daisuke as a third participant, or missing link, heck, Daisuke practically drives the plot, even in death. 

【 5 】Extra: Shibisaki and Daisuke’s Relationship?

I ought to mention before I close off another reason why I don’t doubt Shibisaki. Though it’s hard to see with the way he treats Mei, Shibisaki was not only loyal to Katsu but apparently good friends with Daisuke and he was one of the few people he cared about.

“He was your closest ally, Shibisaki...and even after his death, you stood with me when you could've easily pardoned yourself from this servitude.”『Ep • 51』

Since the unnamed person here is mentioned as being dead, I’m taking it to mean Daisuke, since he’s usually whose being referred to anytime the dead is mentioned in this story.

Do you remember how I’ve said before that anytime a character gets that ‘shine’ in their eyes, it’s attributed to an important remembrance of their past? Well, Shibisaki gets that very ‘shine’ when Katsu asks Shibisaki at “what cost” did he become a General.

Also, Shibisaki’s “closest ally,” in this mention would have been close enough to him that he could have pardoned himself from service to go into mourning.

I’ve gone on further into my thoughts on their relationship in the first part of my ‘two cents on Shibisaki,’ postings. 

[historyhermann]

BIPOC librarians in animated series: She-Ra to Yamibou

Libraries have often appeared on the silver screen, whether in the form of stereotypes like the spinster librarian, Mary, in It’s A Wonderful Life and the glimpse of a librarian in Jennifer’s Body. Streaming shows have had their share of librarians too, like the unnamed librarian in the second episode of The Queen’s Gambit, or the value of the library emphasized in the first season of My Brilliant Friend. In the past year, I’ve come across a number of BIPOC librarians in Western animated and anime series. I’d like to review some of the ones I know of at the present in order to shed some light on these characters.

Western animation does not have a good track record when it comes to BIPOC librarians. Shows such as Zevo-3 and The Simpsons feature librarians, but both are White. The female-coded librarian named Turtle Princess in Adventure Time and a male librarian named Mr. Sneillson in Mysticons are voiced by White men. DC Super Hero Girls has Kimberly D. Brooks, a Black American actress who famously voiced Jasper in the Steven Universe series, voice a White female librarian, rather than have her voice a Black female librarian as a character. There are almost no BIPOC female librarians in Western animated series like the White young female librarian in Hilda, who is given a name in the show’s most recent season. Even Mira, the protagonist of the children’s animation, Mira, Royal Detective, based on late 19th century India, who sings about libraries with the people of  Jalpur, is only a librarian for one episode, serving at the pleasure of the queen as a royal detective for the rest of this series. However, one series showcases BIPOC male librarians unlike any other: Netflix’s She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, a remake of the 1980s series, She-Ra: Princess of Power.

Lance and George, two librarians in the She-Ra and the Princesses of Power animated series

In the season 2 finale, Princess Glimmer and her friend, Adora, travel deep to the magical woods to find their brown-skinned friend, Bow, who has gone “missing.” They find a library, and believe they need to “rescue” him. They discover that Bow is there visiting his two dads, George, and Lance, claiming he is on break from a boarding school, when he is actually fighting in a war against the show’s villains. As it turns out, George and Lance run the library, which serves as a residence and a museum. It is beautiful in its own right even if it has vines growing on the outside. You could call it a hybrid between an archives, a museum, and a library. In any case, George and Lance call themselves historians, like Bow’s brothers, but they are librarians who have collected books as part of their research on the planet’s first settlers. Both are enthralled when they learn that Adora, who can transform into a warrior-princess named She-Ra, can read the ancient and dead language of the first settlers. Later, a battle with a creature, accidentally released by Adora, destroys part of the library, and Bow is forced to reveal who he is to his shocked dads. After they embrace him and his friends, these librarians help the protagonists by giving them information to help with their quest to find out more about the planet’s past.

George and Lance later attend the coronation of Glimmer in the show’s fourth season. The library is revisited by Bow and Glimmer in the show’s fifth, and final, season. Sadly, the library has been abandoned and trashed. George and Lance leave a note to Bow, telling him where they went into hiding with a riddle. Bow and Glimmer find George and Lance in the ruins of a former castle, who tell them about writings they discovered about an ancient rebellion against the planet’s first settlers. They play a recording that details a fail-safe that could destroy the superweapon in the center of the planet. Bow and Glimmer share this information with their friends, helping them defeat the villainous Horde Prime later in the season. In the end, the value of libraries, librarians, and conducting detailed research is emphasized in the episode.

In contrast to Western animation, anime series feature various librarians, almost all of whom are women, at least from the series I’ve seen so far. Some like Hisami Hishishii in R.O.D the TV, Fumi Manjōme in Aoi Hana, Chiyo Tsukudate in Strawberry Panic!, or Azusa Aoi in Whispered Words are students behind the circulation desk, while others engage in more wide-ranging duties. For instance, Anne and Grea, two friends who love each other, in Manaria Friends close up the school library, shelve books, and play a game of hide-and-seek within the library. Similarly, Yamada, the protagonist of B Gata H Kei, fails to seduce her male friend, Kosuda, in the library, on multiple occasions, embarrassing herself over and over again. Apart from the unnamed librarians in Cardcaptor Sakura who help the protagonists Sakura, Sayoran, and Tomoyo, find a book in the local public library, which is literally flying away from them, there are three librarians who stand out. They are: Doctor Oldham in Gargantia on the Verdurous Planet, Myne in Ascendance of a Bookworm, and Lilith in Yamibou.

A collage of screenshots from Gargantia on the Verdurous Planet (left) and Ascendance of a Bookworm (right)

The first of these examples, in the series Gargantia on the Verdurous Planet, is Oldham, a middle-aged man living in Gargantia, an interconnected fleet of ships that travels across the world, which is completely covered by water. He is a medical doctor, considered a sage and wise man by those in the fleet. He lives atop a spire, perhaps a nod to the idea of an “ivory tower.” Anyway, Amy brings Ledo, a soldier who crashed on the planet by accident, to his dwelling, which has a degraded library filled with books and not much else, so he can learn more about the Gargantian society. While the library seems to be a book depository, Oldham does inform Ledo about the social organization in Gargantia and laughs at him for his absurd ideas about society. As such, he fulfills the role of a librarian as an Information Provider, even though he is not called a librarian and does not call himself a librarian. He later appears in an original video animation where he helps at a library on another part of the fleet, aiding others in looking through records there with Bebel, Amy’s brother.

The second example is Myne in Ascendance of a Bookworm. Unlike any of the characters previously described in this post, she is the anime’s main protagonist. In fact, before she took on her form as a sickly, but highly intelligent, young child, she was a book-loving librarian, killed, ironically, by a stack of books. To her horror, she lives in a medieval town in an era before the printing press or public libraries, and she makes it her life mission to become a librarian. This was made clear in one episode where a priest, angry at her for threatening his position in the society’s elite, purposely wrecks the church library to stop her from coming to an important festival. Upon seeing this, she declares that the priest should be executed for this “crime.” Luckily, she calms down, re-organizing the library using the principles of the Nippon Decimal Classification System, after rejecting her own proposal to organize the library based on her own ideas. The latter system is the Japanese version of the Dewey Decimal System. Myne is gleeful to organize everything inside the library itself. Even more than this, the episode features PSAs from Myne about this system and the role of Melvil Dewey. Later, Myne even argues the importance of giving away books for free rather than for profit, angering Benno, who is the sponsor at her guild. It is unique that a character would have a song about re-organizing books, even while the library is portrayed as a book depository, with other materials not mentioned. She is the most positive depiction of a librarian in anime I’ve seen to date.

The third example is Lilith in Yamibou, a caretaker of the Great Library, a repository containing thousands of books that contain all the book-worlds of the universe. For most of the series, she travels with Hazuki, her crush, looking for Eve, who is another caretaker of the library. You could say that Lilith is doing her librarian duties by making sure that worlds within the books are secure, meaning they are a key part of the series. While she, like Oldham, is not identified as a librarian in the series, the official site of the visual novel that the anime is based on calls her a library administrator at the “center of the library world,” and says that she “manages all the books in the library.” The same is stated on the anime’s official website when translated into English. Unlike Gargantia on the Verdurous Planet and Ascendance of a Bookworm, the mechanics for the world’s shifting is “an interdimensional library,” with each of the books representative of another reality and the “home base” of Lilith, as pointed out by the Anime News Network. It turns out she is a “reluctant cosmic librarian,” as Eve, the real librarian and administrator of the Great Library, vanished years before into a “world of books.”

While Western animation series do not, generally, have BIPOC librarians, there are various BIPOC librarians of note in anime series, specifically in Gargantia on the Verdurous Planet, Ascendance of a Bookworm, and Yamibou. Although these are not all of the examples of BIPOC librarians in animated series, there is the possibility for upcoming series to include libraries as settings for characters and BIPOC librarians as characters themselves. After all, with Clara Rhone, a Black woman who runs a library, appearing in the series Welcome to the Wayne, there is hope yet for Western animation series. The same can be said for anime as Myne will be making a reappearance in the third season of Ascendance of a Bookworm.

For more of Burkely’s insights into librarians and archivists, make sure you visit his Libraries in Popular Culture and Wading Through the Cultural Stacks blogs. Burkely will also be back next month with a follow-up guest post about BIPOC archivists in animated series. Stay tuned!

Sources used

“Clara Rhone,”  Welcome to the Wayne wiki, 25 Mar. 2019.

Harding, Daryl. “3rd Season of Ascendance Of A Bookworm TV Anime Announced,” Crunchyroll, 12 Jul. 2020.

Hermann, Burkely. “10 of the most beautiful libraries in animated series,” Libraries in Popular Culture, 23 Nov. 2020.  

Hermann, Burkely. “A library atop a spire: Dr. Oldham and the Gargantia anime series,” Libraries in Popular Culture, 11 Aug. 2020.

Hermann, Burkely, “A Mysterious Librarian is the Breakout Star of Netflix’s Hilda,” Libraries in Popular Culture, 22 Sept. 2020.  

Hermann, Burkely. “From love confessions to smooches: Love in the library part 3,” Libraries in Popular Culture, 19 Jan. 2021.

Hermann, Burkely. “Lacking ‘proper, consistent representation’: Librarians in popular culture,” Libraries in Popular Culture, 17 Nov. 2020.

Hermann, Burkely. “Libraries, librarians, and pop culture reviews,” Libraries in Popular Culture, 10 Oct. 2020.

Hermann, Burkely. “Little witches, comedy, and love in the library,” Libraries in Popular Culture, 23 Oct. 2020.

Hermann, Burkely. “Myne the ‘bookworm’ librarian and the Nippon Decimal Classification System,” Libraries in Popular Culture, 29 Aug. 2020.

Hermann, Burkely. “Read or…die?: Paper masters, embers of the British empire, and books galore,” Libraries in Popular Culture, 16 Sept. 2020.  

Hermann, Burkely, “The Mysterious Librarian in Netflix’s Hilda Finally Gets a Name,” Libraries in Popular Culture, 8 Jan. 2021.

Hermann, Burkely, “These Animated Shows Defy Library Stereotypes,” Libraries in Popular Culture, 12 Aug. 2020.  

Hermann, Burkely. “Unrealistic “miracles” and helpful librarians in Cardcaptor Sakura,” Libraries in Popular Culture, 2 Feb. 2021.

Høgset, Stig and Tim Jones, “Review: Ascendance of a Bookworm (seasons 1 and 2),” T.H.E.M. Anime Reviews, n.d.

Kelly, Hillary. “My Brilliant Friend Recap: Growing Pains,” Vulture, 28 Nov. 2018.

Lemus, Jean-Karlo and Monique Thomas, “This Week in Anime: What The Hell is Going On in Yamibou?,” Anime News Network, 5 Nov. 2020.

Loveridge, Lynzee. “The List: 6 Trailblazing Shojo “Deconstructions” You Should Be Watching,” Anime News Network, 29 Sept. 2012.  

Martin, Theron. “Review: Yamibo–Sub.DVD – Darkness, the Hat, and the Travelers of the Books: Complete Collection,” Anime News Network, 5 Jun. 2016.

“Return to the Fright Zone,” She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Wiki, 23 Sept. 2020.

“Reunion,” She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Wiki, 30 Nov. 2020.

Sherman, Jennifer. “Crunchyroll Adds Yamibo Anime to Catalog,” Anime News Network, 3 Dec. 2020.

Snoek-Brown, Jennifer. “3 favorite Christmas movies starring reel librarians,” Reel Librarians, 23 Dec. 2020.

Snoek-Brown, Jennifer. “Paranormal research in ‘Jennifer’s Body’ (2009),” Reel Librarians, 28 Oct. 2020.

“The Coronation,” She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Wiki, 15 Sept. 2020.

“The Library,” She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Wiki, 29 Jul. 2020.

“Yami,” Yami, hat, and book traveler official website, 28 Oct. 2005 (in Japanese).

“Yami, Hat, and Book Traveler,” Animax, 8 Mar. 2007 (in Japanese).

Reprinted from Reel Librarians since my main blog, Pop Culture Library Review, is down under mysterious circumstances. The original post, from which this is reprinted, can be read here.