#the way he's married and adores his tall as fuck wife while being a literal short king

[sidsinning]

Why is the most powerful being in Hell being a total goober cutie who loves his family so attractive man

Mans is the LIVING EMBODIMENT of the "I can be your angle or yuor devil" meme

Was this character legit tailor made for me like what the hell (ha)

[t0wnspersonb]

Sundays (Bakugou Katsuki x Reader)

Word Count: 2,444

Rated: Explicit 

Warnings: SMUT, language, quick mentions of spanking, Bakugou being a fucking shit as always, FLUFF

Summary: Being the wife of a pro hero meant that you and your husband barely got to see each other. So while the pro hero life was incredibly enticing to Bakugou, there was one thing that was above that; you. He would never voice it aloud, but the domesticated activities that came with a married life was something that he adored completely. But it was all because of you, any minute, any second that Bakugou got to spend with you, he would take. That’s why Sundays were his favorite days.  

~~~

I’m fucking soft🥺🥺🥺 I had so much fun writing this. I love the whole Bakugou as a husband scenario so that’s why all of my fics on him are about that lol. He’s literally my fucking man so like of course I have to write about him like this. I think he would be the biggest simp for his wife and it gives me all the feels. I hope you guys like it as much as I enjoyed writing it!:)

~~~

Bakugou’s eyes fluttered open, the soft glow of the sun peeked through the crack of the curtains, caressing his face gently.

 It was far too early to be up, especially on a day off. But that never stopped Bakugou, he always woke up early. A habit he had picked up when he was younger; but that was to train. So, while he did workout in the mornings now that he was an adult, it was mostly to get caught up on household chores that he couldn’t complete throughout the day or at night. 

 Being a hero was tough work, the days were long and endless, but it was worth it. The pride he felt at being one of the top heroes, the way people admired his strength, the fact that he was capable at protecting and saving others. It was all worth it.

 But this.

 This moment… was worth all of it.

 If the only way to keep you was to give up being a pro hero, he would. He knew that deep in his heart, although, he would never voice that aloud.

 His arms wrapped tightly around your sleeping figure tugging you closer to his body, you were warm and incredibly bare from last night’s rendezvous.

 It was heaven.

 Pure fucking heaven.

 He never wanted to leave. 

 He never wanted this moment to end.

 Sundays were his favorite days, and it was because of this. You both had Sundays off, and they were days that you both cherished the most, because those were the days that you got to be in each other’s company completely.

 It was routine for you. Saturday nights consisted of fervent lovemaking, almost as soon as Bakugou came through the door.

 Unspoken promises of love and devotion being said in that moment.

 Like clockwork, whenever Sunday mornings rolled around it always began like this exact moment.

 Bakugou pressed himself close your body, pressing gentle kisses against the exposed skin of your back and up to your neck.

 The gentle pressure of his plush lips stirred you awake, a soft noise escaping your lips as you arched against his strong muscular body in an attempt to stretch out your stiff limbs.

 “Hmmm. Morning.” you mumbled out, reaching behind you to press his head further into your neck, your fingers tangling into the soft blonde locks at the back of his head.

 “Morning.” He grumbled, biting down sharply at your flesh.

 A shock of pleasure jolted through your body, you arched further into him as you felt his growing member press into your skin.

 Bakugou pressed himself against you tightly, grinding his growing length against your bottom as he began leaving open mouth kisses against your soft skin.

 His mouth was incredibly hot and slick against your overheating skin, and memories of last night flashed behind your closed lids.

 “Please.” you whimpered out.

 He growled against your skin, and soon you found your left leg being hiked up a little, his strong fingers reaching down to the place you wanted him the most.

 There was still a mess between your legs from last night, both of you not even bothering to clean up afterwards, too exhausted to even move. But you were already soaking wet now at this point, much to Bakugou’s delight.

 A pleased noise escaping his mouth as he pressed his fingers against your weeping core. Something blunt presses against the apex of your thighs and - a loud moan escaped your lips.

 Bakugou buried himself deep inside your warmth, and while you had him last night, the stretch he provided you was always so intense.

 “You’re fucking soaked.” he groaned, burying his face against your shoulder blades. 

 Bakugou basked in the tight heat of your cunt, your velvety walls fluttering around his hardened length, drawing him in deeper. 

 No this was heaven; this was pure fucking heaven.

 He never thought he could love someone this much. But you… fuck, you were everything to him.

 After a couple of stilled moments, he began moving, setting a lazy pace as he thrusted into you. His movements were unhurried, unworried about anything other than this. 

 This was just part of the routine on Sundays. He was in no rush, he wanted to savor every moment of being buried deep inside of you. The feeling, the movement, the sweet sounds that you were crying out, the soft buildup of pleasure.

 While the lovemaking that you two shared did revolve mostly around raw passion, there were moments like this that also happened. It was a soft toe-curling pleasure, it left you breathless and dizzy.

 Or maybe it was the fact that it was Bakugou that left you breathless and dizzy, and aching for more.

 He groaned gentle praises against your overheated skin, his thrusts remained at that slow pace he had set before, but it felt like each movement resulted in him reaching a new depth within you.

 You could feel that delicate pressure in your lower stomach increasing, a soft crescendo of pleasure aching to be released.

 Bakugou must have sensed this, his hand that was gently tugging at your sensitive nipples lowered towards your swollen clit, his middle finger rubbing gently against the overstimulated nub.

 You were still incredibly sensitive from last night.

 “Let go.” he groaned, biting softly at your earlobe, and you did. You cried his name out as you unraveled, Bakugou following only seconds behind you. Your walls fluttering and gripping at him, milking him for all that he was worth as he spilled himself deep inside of you.

 Your eyes fluttered shut, sleep was once again gripping at the edges of your mind, urging you to fall back asleep.

 “You’re perfect.” He said breathless, his softening cock still inside of you.

 Sleep brought you guys back under once more. But it was fine, it didn’t matter, it was still early in the morning, and it was all routine.

 ***

 When Bakugou woke up once more, you were gone from the bed, much to his dislike.

 Grumbling softly to himself he found a part of sweats near the laundry basket and quickly threw them on before heading towards the kitchen.

 He paused for a moment, leaning against the doorframe as he watched you cook. You were wearing one of his shirts as you fluttered across the kitchen grabbing ingredients, humming softly to yourself, completely unaware of the tall man staring at you.

 The edge of the shirt lifted as you reached for seasoning on the top shelf, your ass was on full display for Bakugou’s greedy eyes. He smirked before walking towards you, carefully wrapping his large arms around your waist.

 “What are you doing?” he asked, peering down at the food cooking on the stove.

 “Making breakfast, duh.” You yelped as he pinched your ass hard, pushing him away to swat at him only for Bakugou to evade your advances easily.

 “Don’t be a fucking shit, you dumbass.” he huffed rolling his eyes at you before going to the fridge to get a water.

 “You weren’t saying that last night Kacchan.” you stuck your tongue out at him.

 “Huh?” his eyes narrowed as he reached for your face, pinching your cheeks harshly, ignoring the loud whine that bubbled from your stretched lips. “I told you not to fucking call me that anymore. You’re so fucking annoying you shit stain.”

 “Don’t call your wife that.” You pouted, rubbing your face when he finally let you go. 

 He rolled his eyes and pushed you out of the way from the stove, continuing the food that you were making. 

 “It’s my turn today.” he said gruffly, when he noticed your confused stare.

 A soft smile coated your lips and you wrapped your arms around his thick waist, pressing a soft kiss in the middle of his back. “I love you Katsuki.” you murmured warmly.

 You felt his body stiffen and then immediately relax. His large hand rested on yours, gently patting you. 

 “Whatever.” he mumbled. “Go set the table.”

 As careful and loving as he was in the bedroom, he was never the type of man that easily talked about his feelings. While you were the exception to some of that, he still had a challenging time whenever those four words were involved.

 But you knew that he loved you too, he wouldn’t have married you, or put up with you all of these years if he didn’t.

 Bakugou displayed his love for you in different kinds of ways.

 His constant nagging at you to be careful, his never-ending lectures on eating healthy and sleeping properly, the way he would always do laundry, the fact that he would clean up the house without a word from you, and of course, his soft touches despite his crude words.

 He was the man of your dreams, and he was all yours.

 Breakfast and the cleanup were done quickly and quietly, and you found yourself once again in his arms.

 “We need to go shopping today.” He breathed out against your skin, his mouth once again leaving hungry kisses at the base of your throat.

 Arousal once again spiked in your very being as he grinded his erect member against your lower half once again. His large hand was gripping your ass, kneading, and pulling at the soft flesh.

 “We should - ahh - get ready then.” You whimpered out, eyes fluttering shut as he bit down on your throat.

 Bakugou was insatiable on Sundays. They always consisted of household chores, and as much lovemaking as possible throughout the day. Just another way that Bakugou displayed his love and affection towards you, he was a man of action not words.

 After the ‘shower’ Bakugou found himself watching you as you got ready for the store, the love bites he left scattered across your beautiful body stood out proudly against your skin. Pride swelled in his chest at the mere sight of you.

 Fuck, how were you so pretty? How did a woman like you end up with someone like him?

 These were questions he asked himself all the time, but he never sought out answers, he didn’t fucking care. As long as you continued to be his, nothing else mattered.

 So, when other men ogled at you at the grocery store, he couldn’t help but get pissed. Of course, it didn’t help that you wore a summer dress that hugged your body perfectly, and he knew that you were incredibly bare underneath it, your way of teasing him further. The thought of putting you over his knee and whacking your ass until it was red was entirely pleasing to him.

 Maybe after you guys finished shopping.

 “Stop putting that sugary shit in the cart, we don’t need that in the house.” He grumbled, grabbing the cereal box out of the cart to put back.

 You pouted at him. “Katsu please? Just this once.” 

 His eyebrow twitched at the sweet innocent look you were giving him; he knew you were far from it though.

 “No.”

 “You don’t love me anymore.” You sniffed, further pouting like a child.

 He rolled his eyes once more and pinched your cheek for the second time today. “Don’t be a fucking brat.” regardless of his words, he all but threw the box of cereal back into the cart, stuffing his hands into his pocket as he stalked off to find the other stuff on the list.

 “I love you Katsu!” You called after him, giggling in triumph.

 He rolled his eyes, but a small smirk made his way onto his lips as he continued towards the produce.

 But when he came back holding the bags of onions and garlic, his blood was boiling. You looked entirely uncomfortable as you shuffled away from the man that was all but trapping you against your cart, obviously hitting on you.

 “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He hissed angrily, throwing the produce into the cart, and yanking the man away from you by his collar.

 Bakugou’s red eyes were incredibly angry as he stared down at the significantly smaller man who looked absolutely terrified.

 “W-What’s it to you man!? I was just talking to her!” he trembled out.

 “Did you not see the ring on her fucking finger asswipe!? That’s my fucking wife! Get the fuck out of here before I blow your ass up!” his Quirk went off for emphasis, as soon as Bakugou released his grip the man ran off.

 “What the fuck are you all looking at!?” He growled as he noticed the ongoing shoppers staring at him, they immediately averted their eyes and hurriedly walked off.

 “Katsuki.” you sighed, frowning. “You can’t keep doing stuff like that.” 

 The tall man rolled his eyes as he reached for you, his hand wrapping around your waist protectively as he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. 

 “The fuck I can’t. You’re mine, I don’t want any shit stains touching what’s mine.” he grumbled. “Let’s hurry this up, I want to go home.”

 Bakugou was all but silent for the rest of the trip, his mood sour after what had happened at the grocery store. He was even quiet as you guys put away the groceries.

 You left to take another shower, and once you had finished you found yourself staring down at your husband laying across the couch, his eyes fixated on the TV.

 “Katsu.” Your voice small as you called out his name, standing at the edge of the couch.

 His red flickered towards your face; he drank in your expression for a moment before rolling his eyes. One of the hands that was resting behind his head moved to pat at his chest. “Well fucking hurry up then.” 

 Your expression brightened as you clambered on top of him, easily settling yourself on the muscular man. Your head was tucked under his chin, your legs tangled together. His hand slipped under your shirt easily, rough fingers caressing your skin gently.

 This was wonderful, cuddling Bakugou was your favorite thing in the entire world. He was always so warm, so solid, so safe. His sweet scent engulfed you completely, and you couldn’t help but bury your face further into his neck.

 The TV was the only source of sound besides both of your even breathing. It was comfortable, familiar, and incredibly safe.

 “I love you, you shitty woman.” he grumbled, his eyes never leaving the TV.

 A soft smile tugged at your lips, are you arched up slightly, pressing a soft kiss against his jaw. 

 “I love you Katsuki. Forever.”

 You loved Sundays.

 Scratch that, you loved Sundays with Bakugou. They were your favorite days.

 “You fucking better.”

[forever-rogue]

Alright alright ty for responding! I’m super hyped abt this one hehe but here I go:

This is for Frankie Morales, who I love so freaking much ☺️

Okay okay here: A high school reunion where Frankie and Reader meet again after 10 years.

They had such a huge crush on one another and reader was ‘popular’ while Frankie was just shy/nerdy. Maybe they dated but had to separate while they were in college because of the distance but they still have feelings after all these years?

Also reader has learned that Frankie has a kid but didn’t know that his wife divorced him so she’s kind of upset until Frankie tells her (assuming she runs off or something?).

Eventually they start again in their relationship and it’s a fluffy and cute!

I love angst and fluff so since you like writing about those I thought you would be a great person to ask hehe. Anyways I love your works so much and thanks in advance if you write this! ❤️✨

A/N: this is literally just a ton of softness, enjoy! 💕

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: none

FRANKIE MASTERLIST

MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

You could hardly believe your eyes as you scanned the room and found the one person you hadn’t been expecting to see. Out of all the people in the world, there was Frankie Morales, across the crowded ballroom, mingling with a few other of your old classmates. It had been two whole decades since you’d last seen him; two decades since you’d last kissed him, last told him you loved him, last held him. Back then you had been positive that you wouldn’t see the last of him. 

You knew he’d gone into the military after high school, greatly deviating from your plans of college, and ultimately causing your break up. You’d never heard a word from him or seen so much as a glimpse of him since the day of your graduation. At first you had been hopeful that you’d see him again sometime at some point, but the time had never come. That had led you to believe that he wouldn’t even be coming here tonight, to your class reunion. You could just picture him saying something along the lines of ‘why? what a silly waste of time!’ Unbeknownst to you, he hadn’t actually planned on coming - not until he’d gotten word through the grapevine that you’d be there. 

The sight of him was enough to take your breath away; he still looked exactly the same after all this time, just older, hardened, and world weary. Much like yourself and everyone else here, you supposed. But when his soft, chocolate eyes met yours, you couldn’t help but grin at him, the corners of your mouth tugging upwards without a second thought. Turning to the group of women you were chatting with, you offered them a half hearted excuse and made your way over to teenage love. Frankie didn’t hesitate to do the same.

Meeting halfway in the middle, you almost crashed into each other, your body practically humming with excited nervous energy as you stared at Frankie - your Frankie. He smiled that same smile you’d fallen in love with all those years ago, his magnificent dimple making its appearance. 

“Frankie-”

“Honey Bee-”

“I can’t believe you’re here,” you both said excitedly, before breaking into a fit of giggles. At least you were on the same page about this one. Part of you had always wondered, even if just a small, tiny part of you, whether he held any disdain or dislike for you after you ended your relationship. It had been hard at the time, you were both lovestruck young fools, but you both knew at the time, even if only deep down, that it was the right thing to do. Maybe it had all happened the way it did for a reason. 

“Do you want to go outside? To the gardens?” he asked softly as you nodded in response. Without a moment of hesitation, he reached for your hand, clutching it tightly, but gently, in his much larger one, lacing your finger together without a second thought. Trailing behind his long strides, you couldn’t help but admire his frame; tall and broad, with just the right amount of softness that somehow remained firm. He’d gone from a good looking teenager to a handsome man. 

Once you were away from all the commotion and outside in the cool evening air in the gardens decorated with lightly twinkling lanterns, he paused and turned to study you. A look of pure adoration was etched into his eyes as his hands found either side of your face and he gently traced over your features. 

“You are just as beautiful today as you always have been,” he beamed at you, “my sweetest Bee. After all these years, I get to see you again.”

“Francisco…”

“May I kiss you?” as soon as his name fell so softly from your lips, he couldn’t help him. It was like he was eighteen again, and falling over, so easily, so effortlessly. You watched with wide, doe eyes, the most innocent expression on your face as you nodded before biting on your lip.

Before either of you could think too much about it, he crashed his lips onto yours and kissed you with a fervent, but gentle intensity. It was like no time had passed and neither of you had to think about it; it all worked so easily. Just like it had always been meant to be.

When you finally, reluctantly, pulled apart, you grinned at each other like fools. You couldn’t help but steal a few more kisses from him. “Frankie...I never thought I’d see you again. I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I wasn’t planning on coming,” he admitted sheepishly, looking down at his feet for a moment, “but I heard you were going to be here, and I had to come.”

“For me?” a flush rose into his cheeks as you beamed at him and offered up a shy nod.

“Of course,” he confessed, “why else? I always hoped I’d see you again one day...I never stopped thinking about you. How horribly cliche is that?”

“Well, even if it is, then I suppose that makes the two of us fools,” putting your hand on his cheek, you traced your thumb over his features, “you’d always cross my mind...a lot. Probably more than I should have…”

“Somethings never change, huh?” he laughed light as he led over to an empty bench surrounded by beautiful evening blossoms. You sat next time, watching with nervous intensity as he held your hand in his, “how’ve you been, Bee? Really? Tell me everything.”

“Only if you promise to do the same.”

“Always.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

And it was easy to talk to him; just like it always had been. In some ways, it was like no time had passed at all. With him you never had to think about what to say, or worry about him passing judgment or anything. It just was...and it was a beautiful thing. An odd longing feeling settled into your stomach the more you listened to him, leaning in closer and closer until you were almost in his lap. In some ways you wondered if it had always been him. Like you were both here again for a reason. You liked the idea that everything happened as it was meant to, as the universe willed it. 

“But then my wife…” as soon as the words hit your ears, you tilted your head to the side and gave him a confused expression. Wife, wife, wife. Holy shit.

Springing to your feet, your mind was reeling as you imagined all the ways in which you had fucked up, but Frankie was fast on his feet and was still right behind you, calling your name as he tried to catch up, reaching for your hand. Of all the things you had imagined, this wasn’t one of them. Eventually you stopped and turned to face with a wide eyed expression, “what do you mean wife? Frankie, I-I still have a lot of the same feelings I always did, but if you have a wife-”

“Bee, please no,” he shook his head fervently, trying to get you to calm down and calm his own racing heart, “no, no, no, I shouldn’t have said it like that - old habits die hard. I meant ex-wife. We’ve been…we’re divorced, and have been for over a year.”

As if to prove his point, he held up his left hand and showed you that he wasn’t wearing a wedding band. His own eyes flitted awkwardly to our own hand, almost as if to check that you weren’t someone else’s either. Instantly you felt foolish and silly, knowing it had been foolish to explode like that. You should have known better; Frankie would never lie to you, “I-I’m an idiot. I’m so sorry, Frankie. I just...I couldn’t handle the thought of you...well doing anything with someone’s married, or you being married to someone still. Needless to say, my own marriage didn’t end well; he cheated on me with multiple women.”

“I would never put you in that position,” he promised softly, “and I would never do that to anyone. Especially not to you, Honey Bee. If...if you’ll have me, however you want, I promise you I will never lie to you. I never have and never will.”

“Promise?” you looked at him with glossy eyes as your lip trembled, but he just nodded and reached for your hand, pulling you closer to him, “Francisco…”

“Of course,” he replied softly, “so full disclosure - I’m a divorced, single dad - very proud dad of the sassiest and sweetest little girl that is my world. I know that’s a lot, on top of everything else I’ve told you, but that’s...that’s what it is. Who I am. I guess it’s probably not what you were expecting...probably a let down.”

“No,” you promised him quickly, with a big, wide grin, “it’s wonderful. You’re wonderful, Frankie. None of those things are a letdown; you’re perfect. We’ve all got our issues - I’m a divorced, single dog mom that’s considered a failure by so many people because I went to college and ended up doing something completely different, and now run a small coffee shop. It’s not exactly lucrative, but I love it.”

“You always wanted a coffee shop,” he remembered; you’d told him about it more times than you could remember when you were just kids, “your dream came true!”

“It’s even better now,” you insisted softly, “because I’m here - with you. I think...I think it’s the only thing I’ve ever really wanted. Seeing you again, after all this time...it’s still you, Frankie.”

“After all this time?”

“Always.”

“Good,” he beamed at you, “I’m glad the feeling’s mutual. Honey Bee...may I kiss you again?”

“Mhmm.”

“And again and again and again?” you laughed at his playfulness, but underneath it all, you could see there was a serious side to all of this. He was looking at you like you had hung all the stars in the glittering night sky, “if you’ll still have me?”

“Always.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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[sergeant-donny-donowitz]

The Excuse: Donny Donowitz x Reader (Postwar AU)

requested by the homie @struggling-bee :' )

@owba-chan @war-obsessed @inglourious-imagines @tealaquinn @struggling-bee @frozenhuntress67 @kwyloz @sodapop182 @marlenemarauders @what-the--curtains @taikawho

Let me know if you wanna be added to the IB or OUATIH taglists! :)

_____________ ***January, 1946*** Donny was walking through his neighborhood, just like he had every afternoon since he got back from the war. He never did that before... He was tired, but he could never sleep. He was angry, but there were no nazis he could (legally) scalp.   He couldn't seem to settle back down. Things in his mind didn't quite quiet down. Sometimes, it seemed like the war was still on. Donny was the man that killed Hitler, after all. It was hard to go back to being just Donny, Sy Donowitz' boy. He couldn't even seem to find someone to talk to. All the guys he used to go to school with, or play baseball with were either busy buying houses, busy with a baby or two, or busy with a brand new business. Some of those guys had bum knees now. Some of them just never came back... And the girls they all used to hang around with had 'just married' signs on their cars, or busy fighting to keep running the jobs they had the keys to during the war. They weren't the same kids sneaking into bars, playing ball, and dancing to brass bands. They were soldiers.

He walked with his hands in his coat pockets, looking down at the pavement. His shoes over the concrete were a stark contrast to worn down boots over snowy forest floors and enemy bones. He shut his eyes, wondering where the boys were now? Of course, he knew Aldo was in Tennessee....but where? Was he sitting up in his cabin? Was he visiting his sister? Telling his nieces and nephews stories they wouldn't believe till they read their history books? And Hugo? He'd moved to a quiet, small, almost impossible to find town in Connecticut. Was he finding the heart to talk to the girl at a corner store? Smitty?  Smitty lived in New York. He'd promised Donny he'd go back to school. He made it into NYU, was he in class right now? Was he visiting his grandparents? And Hirschberg? Was he out with his girl? Was he finally looking for a ring? And Omar? Wicki? What were they all up to? Were they all having a hard time going back to the way things used to be? Donny glanced at his watch. 5:47 PM. A year earlier this time, they'd be camped out somewhere between France and Germany, listening to Aldo telling stories. Hugo would be sharpening a knife.  Omar and Donny would be fighting about baseball. He sighed, walking around the corner, finding his street. He heard a dog barking. An old, half-blind, but excited pitbull trotted up to the fence. "Hey Bugsy! Hey girl!" Donny smiled, as he crouched by the fence and reached through, petting Bugsy. His neighbors had that dog since he was in high school. Bugsy belonged to the kid next door, Andrew. He went to school with Donny. He played ball with Donny. He went to war with Donny. He was a marine. He never came back. But, ever since Bugsy was a puppy, she'd always seen Donny and Andrew walk down the street together, after school, after practive, after games. Ever since Donny came back from the war, and walked down the street, back to his home, with his uniform on, Bugsy whined and cried excitedly, thinking Andrew was following. And every time Bugsy saw Donny, she'd bark and whine, happily thinking Andrew wouldn't be long. Donny sighed, as he patted her head, "Sorry Bugs. He ain't comin' home today either." He started to get up, and she began to whine. He sighed with a soft smile, "I know, Bugs... I miss him too." She sat, putting her paw up against the fence. Donny chuckled a little, "I'll be back tomorrow. Promise," as he walked over to his home, just next door. He shuffled through the rest of the day blankly, as he did most days. Soldiers... He sighed, Most of them seemed to be perfectly happy, somehow settling back in seamlessly...At least, it seemed that way to Donny. He was happy to be back in his dad's barbershop again, but...he'd often look out the window with a quiet sigh, missing some things he'd left behind. Like the basterds. Life seemed to move ever so slowly now...And there was no one he could share it with. Night bled into morning, and he was working again. He was sweeping up his dad's shop, just before opening. He smelled coffee, and remembered the day after the war ended. The basterds woke up in a tavern, somewhere in Paris they hadn't been before. Covered in streamers, with headaches, and a flight home, they all drank some coffee to ease the aftermath of the last night's celebreation The bells at the shop's door rang, and he turned around, snapping out of that distant memory of a small pub in a forgotten corner of Paris. It was afternoon now... "Mikey!" Donny grinned, seeing his kid brother standing there. When Donny left, he was just a sweet kid, somewhere in the middle of that awkward middle-school age. He was halfway through high school now, following in Donny's footsteps as a star on the baseball team, and almost as tall as him, too. Time felt so slow now that he was home, but it seemed to have gone by in the blink of an eye when he  was gone. "Donny!" He seemed as though he had the secrets to the universe in his hands...but Donny, and everyone in their lives, frankly, was getting used to that. He was beginning to take a psychology course...and...he thought he had half the damn neighborhood figured out. He went on a million-word-per-second kind of rant, but Donny picked out a few things. Something about war, veterans, sleep, and emotions. "I'm fine, kid." Donny shook his head, grinning. "You worry too much." He stopped for  a second, and looked at him. "You're like ma, y'know." "Very funny, look!" He shuffled through a folder, and dug out a diagram, and all the symptoms that matched what he saw in Donny. At the very top, underlined, highlighted, and pointed out in arrows were  three words: Thousand-Yard Stare. "Mikey! Your mother's been looking all over for you!" Sy Donowitz, their father, emerged, half saving Donny from his brother's persistence, while saving himself from his wife's wrath. "Alright pop..." Mikey sighed, though he glanced at Donny. Donny was red in the face, frustrated. To him, it was like Mikey airing out his dirty laundry, so to speak. "He means well, Donny." His father patted him on the back. "Yeah, I know." Donny sighed, now feeling guilty for feeling angry, and angry for feeling anything and everything. And then nothing. He sighed, as he sat on his bed after work, muttering "Fuck a duck." Something crumpled beneath him, and he stood up. It was Mikey's diagram, along with a school report. Mikey's first draft for a psychology paper, and he chose to write about veterans. Donny read half of it, and had to put it down. He knew he needed some help, but he wasn't sure where to begin. He walked downstairs, and went out for a walk, as always. Only this time, he went farther than usual. Halfway across town. In fact, he made it downtown. He couldn't get his mind off of the essay. He knew Mikey meant well. Donny wasn't sleeping much, he couldn't get his mind off war. He just couldn't go back to being Donny. His mind suddenly snapped back to Boston, to 1946, to the present. He saw you, on the ground, right in front of him, trying to pick up some papers. He'd literally run into you. "Fuck a duck," He leaned down, helping you pick some of them up. His hand brushed against yours, and you looked at him for the first time. "Say..." Your heart skipped a beat, and you smiled a little, "You're Donny Donowitz." "That's me." He smiled, though he sounded a  little exasperated. You stammered, a little star struck. After all, it's not every day you meet a war her like that....Well, it's 1946, you do... But it's not every day you meet one of the basterds. He'd picked up on that, and chuckled a little, used to it. "Nice to meet ya..." "Y/n." It took you a moment to remember your own name. "Y/n," he repeated with a kind smile, slowly handing over the papers he picked up. He spotted pictures of dogs on different sheets, and realized they were some sort of records. "What's that?" He seemed genuinely curious. You sighed, shuffling the papers back in order, "Records of the dogs' vaccines, just updated them. Gotta bring them back to the-" You laughed a little at yourself, realizing he had no idea what you were talking about. You took a breath, starting over, "I train  therapy dogs." "Really?" His face lit up a little, and you didn't quite catch on to why just yet. You nodded with a grin. Even thinking of your work made you feel happy. "It's been real busy for a year or so. Lots of veterans have been looking into it." He smiled, "I might, too." "Everyone's gone home for the day...maybe...you'd like a private tour?" You winked, and he asked, "You won't get in trouble for it, will ya?" You laughed, "Ah, fuck the rules." He smirked, knowing you'd get along just together just fine. He followed you to your work,  you brought him out to see the dogs. You left for a minute to go file away the papers, and came back to find Donny sitting on the ground, playing with all the dogs. One dog in particular seemed to instantly be attached to him. "Hey boy!" Donny laughed as he petted a border collie. You crouched by, smiling "His name's Charlie." "He's fucken adorable." Donny kept playing with the dogs, though that one in particular melted his heart. "Isn't he?" You chuckled. You'd realize that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Donny came by every day, just after closing time to spend time with Charlie. (There was a little more to it than that, but  you didn't catch on yet) You didn't mind staying a little late. You liked Donny's company. And...it made your heart sing to see him so happy around the dogs. A few months passed. You realized there was an empty spot, and your heart dropped. Charlie had been adopted. "Oh no..." You sighed, knowing someone needed and deserved a dog like that. It was going to happen eventually, after all. You'd told Donny there was a big demand for therapy and service dogs lately. So...why did it hurt so much? You were always a little down when a dog was adopted, but never this much. You sat by your desk, and slumped a little as the day went on. You got frustrated with yourself, denying the reason you were so upset. With Charlie gone, maybe Donny would stop coming by. You shook your head, denying that was what upset you. But...you weren't much of a liar. "Maybe just a little..." You sighed, watching the hours go by, knowing at the end of the day you'd have to break the news to Donny.

It was closing time, your coworkers left one by one, and you sighed, "Fuck..." You realized in that painfully long wait that you were hopelessly in love with that basterd. There was a familiar knock on the window. You turned around slowly, and your heart broke, seeing how excited Donny seemed. Even more so than usual... All the more heart breaking You opened the door, about to break it to him... Rip the bandaid off, really. But before you could say anything, you realized Donny was holding on to a leash. "It was YOU?!" "I adopted Charlie!" He laughed, though he seemed happy, there was one more thing he wanted. "Are you...busy?" He smirked a little, already knowing the answer. Now that you didn't have to sneak Donny into work, your schedule was wide open... He knew that. He'd have to find new excuses to come see you. But, for now,  as you walked with him through town, and his arm wrapped around you gently, but protectively, you both knew it was the beginning of something more.

[indigosandviolets]

Maybe the quarantine is getting to me and I’m touch starved, but I wanna know what the BoB knuckleheads are like as boyfriends/husbands. I’m craving some romance.

ohhhh my god. okay. i can do this. i’m leaving out Welsh in this, just because i don’t think i could interfere with him and Kitty. I couldn’t. I, uh, also kinda wrote a few as fathers too cause i can’t get enough of that domestic shit.

Winters: Winters, to no surprise, is a very serious husband. He’s serious about the way he loves you in that he will quite literally do almost anything for you. He does not hesitate to show you off, but not in the way you might think. It’s “yeah, my wife is so much better than me at almost everything” and “my wife loves to do (insert niche thing here)” and he’s just really a “my wife” kind of guy. It’s adorable as fuck. You two have a daughter named Ginger (it’s still funny to you). She looks mostly like you, but she definitely has Dick’s eyes.

Nixon: Lew is insanely happy when he’s around you. You brought so much light into his life after the war — and you two own three dogs! Major Murray, Captain Colin and Lieutenant Larry. You have a son named Merriwether, and Lew always has him on his shoulders in the backyard. You’ll look out the window and Lew and Merri are pointing and waving at you and begging for you to come outside and play, and you always accept the offer.

Lipton: Lipton is easily the most loving husband. There is not a second where he doesn’t have a hand on you if he can help it. It’s not because he’s overly protective or jealous in any way, he just needs to hold you so he can stay grounded. You’re his rock. He was a bit too excited when he became a father and may or may not have written to the rest of the guys with a picture of you, him and your son John to show that everything was in order down there.

Spiers: I’m gonna be honest, Spiers wasn’t planning on admitting that he liked you at first because he didn’t want to have to lose you. After the war, though, did the sparks fly. He’s protective because of this,he even gets a little on edge sometimes even though he knows you love him. It’s just a defense thing, but when you hold his hand after a long day? It melts it all away.

Randleman: Okay, Bull is the literal definition of a gentleman. He pays attentive detail to what you like and when, and is somehow the best gift giver. He’s also got that southern charm that you just can’t get enough of. Though, he’s all about you being your own person. During the war, you would yell at the rest of the company for being idiots and he’d stand behind you, watching you take charge, thinking, “That’s my girl.”

Malarkey: Malarkey is actually insanely scared of losing you. After Bastogne and Foy, the thought of losing you was one of the worst nightmares he had. Because of this, he’s always holding your hand, making sure that you’re actually there. You’re more than happy to give him that extra kiss on the cheek, that extra hug, that extra squeeze to let him know you’re not going anywhere. After the war, you named your son Skip and your daughter Penny after your husband’s best friends.

Guarnere: Guarnere is always checking on you (“you okay babe?” “what’s goin’ on, doll? you good?”) to make sure the rest of the men know their place around you. Alone, he’s one of the most affectionate men you have ever laid your eyes upon. Around everyone else? The most serious motherfucker you will ever meet. He’s also super into pet names, oddly enough.

Roe: This Cajun boy is the prince of sweet. He’ll do so many things for you even when you don’t ask him too. You say something about how you’re gonna do the laundry later today? You’ll walk out of the bathroom and he’ll be in the middle of folding the clothes. He doesn’t really know how to not do things for you because he thinks it’s the best thing he can do to make everything for you so much easier. You constantly have to tell him that he doesn’t need to, but he always says it’s okay because he loves you.

Luz: Luz is a total goofball of a boyfriend. He can try to be serious but it’s just. not. happening. He might not have a hand on you, but almost any time you interact he’ll give you a kiss on the cheek. You two don’t go on dates, but you do have movie night every Wednesday and Friday, where he’ll have an arm wrapped around you while you two make fun of shitty B-movies (if Austin Powers was around during the time, that would definitely be your movie). Movie nights only got more cuddlier after the addition of your daughter Harriet, would lays on both of your laps. It’s the cutest Christmas card to ever exist.

Toye: Toye was very standoffish at first. He kept to himself with how he felt about you, not doing much until one day he sat across the table from you, didn’t say anything, and slid a single flower across. You two were together by the end of the day. The reason why it took so long? He was worried as hell that when everything in Foy he thought you’d want a man who was “whole” over him. You responded to this by kissing him and telling him that he had a “whole” lot of love and that you weren’t gonna leave him for something like that. It was just simply out of the question.

Liebgott: Lieb cannot get enough of you. He is absolutely in love with the very thought of you. It’s not that he sees you as an object or anything like that, he just loves every last inch of your body. It’s the perfect combination with your personality to him and he really can’t get over it. Every time he sees you it’s like he’s seeing you for the first time, falling in love all over again. You two may or may not have gone with a ‘J’ name for each of your children. No biggy.

Perconte: Perconte is very insecure about his height. You love it because he’s just as tall as you. He loves that you love it even though he’s not the most confident in it. That’s how your relationship started. You two are very much the kind of couple who will get drunk together and have deep conversations that aren’t very deep (last week it was on if sharks had thoughts, and if so, could Webster read them?) and they’d be followed by a very sloppy make out and a hangover the morning after. It was okay, though. You make helluva good coffee for hangovers.

Martin: Martin is a perfect combination of Winters and Guarnere in his being serious and protective. He doesn’t fuck around with the other men when it comes to you. You always tell him that he’s too stressed, and you have to get Bull to make Johnny realize that you’re perfectly fine with the rest of the men (that doesn’t stop him from wanting to kill Guarnere when he makes certain comments).

Babe: You two are the kind of couple to go out and do SUPER dumb shit together. I’m talking like riding bikes and maybe going and trespassing on federal property at 2 am dumb shit. Somehow, the two of you have never been caught. This might be why everyone calls your daughter, Jeanie, Troublemaker 2.0.

Webster: The best way to describe Web is domestic. It was like the two of you were a married couple just a month into the two of you being together. This is why the rest of the men said “You guys aren’t?” when you invited them all to your wedding. He’s a real sap, though. He melts at the way you smile at him and just can’t take his eyes off you. You’re too captivating to him, especially when you’re talking about one of his passions.

[kpophours]

a very necessary guide to SF9

so. let’s talk about these underrated kings. be prepared for rambling. I just love them too much. my favorite boys, 10/10 would recommend stanning them.

some basic information

9 members (5 vocals, 4 rappers, 9 dancers and 9 visuals just stating the facts)

SF9 stands for Sensational Feeling 9

debuted on October 5, 2016 with Fanfare (still a BOP)

currently under FNC Entertainment and actually their first male dance group

their official fandom name is Fantasy (such a good name, honestly) and the official color is Fantasia Hologram (aka the  p r e t t i e s t).

debuted after winning a survival show called Dance or Band (they participated as the dance team; the band team debuted as Honeyst in 2017)

7 mini albums so far with RPM being their latest comeback 

... now onto the members (buckle up)!

Youngbin

Kim Youngbin, born on November 23, 1993

LeaderBin aka the Dad™

very charismatic, be prepared for some really intense eye contact (two words: stage presence)

rapper (highest rapping voice out of the four of them)

D A N C E R (a former 1MILLION dance studio trainee), so he‘s obviously 1/3 of sf9′s extremely talented dance line

also 1/3 of hyung line

cutest eye-smile (so soft) + cutest giggle™

rocked his red hair and looks amazing with slightly curled hair (do not fight me on this)

is tattooed (very  p r e t t y)

threatens everyone’s bias at least once

gives amazing (and unnecessary long) pep talks together with Jaeyoon (just let the other boys sleep, please)

gazes so, so fondly at all his members in pretty much every video (no, I will NOT cry)

Jaeyoon is his roommate and secret wife.

Inseong

Kim Inseong, born on July 12, 1993

the oldest (not mentally) aka the Grandpa™

main vocal (those HIGH NOTES, damn). extremely steady voice.

unique beauty. looks a bit like a desert fox (according to himself and everyone with a pair of functioning eyes).

1/3 of extra line (see and hear three loud idiots in all their videos? yep, that’s him ft. Jaeyoon and Dawon)

also 2/3 of hyung line

v e r y intelligent and educated (holds a degree in Journalism and Communication) but also stupid

owner of an extremely cute smile 

t h i g h s  i am not weak or biased at all

SF9’s designated English speaker (used to live in London for a year)

amazing winking-ability, 10/10 will leave you weak-kneed

King of Lies. he’ll probably never pass a lie detector test. but it’s okay we still love him.

is left-handed and really good at drawing

married to Jaeyoon (it‘s complicated).

Jaeyoon

Lee Jaeyoon, born on August 9, 1994

3/3 of hyung line

honey voice (aka OST King)

d i m p l e s.

blindingly white teeth. the most beautiful smile (canines!).

very proud of his hips and butt (as he should be).

his actual name is Ethan

likes to work out and is  f i t (he ended all Fantasies during rpm promotions, so thanks for that)

King of girl group dances and in charge of sexy (Zumba) dances

a  fuc ki ng  tease (again, rip all Fantasies during the UNIXERSE rpm stage)

2/3 of extra line (shares one brain cell with Inseong and Dawon. they don’t use it very often.)

had a pink undercut during the Mamma Mia era and probably made people cry with his outstanding beauty. again, i’m not biased at all

seems a bit shy and quiet at first. don’t be fooled. he is loud and will come for you.

married to both Inseong and Youngbin.

Dawon

Lee Sanghyuk, born on July 24, 1995

oh boy... such a bundle of utter chaos.

e x t r a (3/3 of extra line and probably their President™)

hear something loud and annoying in the background? it’s probably (most definitely) Dawon (helped by the other 2/3 of extra line)

a unique and beautiful voice (he needs more lines or else I’ll throw hands) - rapping, singing, screaming, he can do it all.

a fucking tease 2.0 (seriously, he and Jaeyoon need to be stopped)

Bruce Lee impressions on point

has tattoos

such a meme-face but also so handsome, like H O W

looks amazing and so soft with curly hair must protect

had so many different hair styles during their Mamma Mia promotions, rip his hair (and rip to all new Fantasies trying to keep track lol)

actually very soft. cried when Inseong surprised them during their UNIXERSE concert (which our Grandpa couldn’t participate in due to an injury)

likes to bully Taeyang.

Zuho

Baek Juho, born on July 4, 1996

Mr. Deep Ass Voice™

“my nose is my swag“

such a good dancer, definitely underappreciated. 

looks intimidating at first, but is actually the softest (d u a l i t y)

the best cat dad (Huru has yet to accept his undying love for him though)

composes/produces own songs (@FNC: please, I’m b e g g i n g you to finally put Champagne on an album) and writes lyrics for a lot of sf9′s songs

didn‘t participate in most of their Enough promotions due to his (still ongoing) back problems (#FNCletZuhoRestChallenge2019)

a dork and meme and honestly just so, so cute and lovable

social butterfly (seriously, he‘s friends with literally e v e r y idol out there)

composed a (love) letter to Fantasy while driving a car with Hwiyoung, Taeyang and Dawon sleeping in the passenger and backseat yes I cried

a scaredy cat (ran away and left his members behind when he got scared by a staff member during their Trip with Fantasy)

Rowoon

Kim Seokwoo, born on August 7, 1996

yes he‘s a Tree™. is made up of 90% unnecessary long legs.

main vocal 2.0

1/2 of actor line

very handsome, I know (but he‘s so much more than just his good looks)

a devoted mom of 8

loves all Chanis and not-Chanis equally

almost had a mental breakdown because he managed to hit Chani’s face with a football which resulted in his precious maknae getting a nosebleed

always hugging and kissing and generally just smothering all members with his endless love and affection (especially Chani)

(t) h o t  and knows it (very shy with fanboys though)

has literally only one selfie angle he uses rigorously  

his One True Talent™ is staring sexily into the camera and doing nothing else because yes, he’s just that handsome

tries to be funny and fails most of the time, but he‘s cute so it’s okay.

Taeyang

Yoo Taeyang, born on February 28, 1997

undercover main vocal (has almost as many lines as Inseong and Rowoon)

best dancer, period. his entire body is probably made out of water. such. fluid. moves. - 2/3 of dance line, often in charge of choreographies.

also 1/3 of maknae line

speaks in ᵀᴵᴺʸ ᶠᴼᴺᵀ 

the literal Sun™, his smile has healing properties.

has great hair and pushes it back a lot during his dance moves

a flower boy (literally. wanted to become a florist before debuting as an idol)

looks a bit like Lee Dongwook aka The Reaper from Goblin

you think he‘s soft? uh, sure, yeah. but is also s a v a g e (the personification of that then perish meme)

has a... unique way of drying his hair (ask Dawon, he‘ll show you. even if you don’t want him to, Dawon will show you)

gets bullied by Dawon. bullies him back. very spot-on impressions of Mr. Extraness (as seen on their Weekly Idol episode)

soulmates and married to Hwiyoung, I don’t make the rules.

Hwiyoung

Kim Youngkyun, born May 11, 1999

rapper and Mr. Charismatic™

yes he is that guy from their Now or Never mv 

looks bad-ass but is a certified baby boy (2/3 of maknae line)

cute without trying and is actually a cat

has literally the best gummy smile which he used to hide behind his hands (but his hyungs encouraged him so much and now he smiles openly, I am not crying, you are)

grew up so suddenly and had long hair out of nowhere and left everyone sh o ok (should definitely be in a shampoo commercial)

composes songs. put one on SoundCloud just very recently. writes lyrics for a lot of sf9′s songs.

cried during their survival show when he got scolded for continuing to mess up the choreography and had to be hugged by Youngbin (who really is the best dad™)

King of the Cleopatra game thanks to his dolphin screams should probably be part of vocal line

pretended to not recognize his soulmate and roommate aka Taeyang when he had to guess his members from their hands while wearing a blindfold. Taeyang will probably never recover from this betrayal and is most definitely still whining about it.

Chani

Kang Chanhee, born on January 17, 2000

deep ass voice 2.0

d a n c e r (his little solo dance in Now or Never will forever be superior), 3/3 of dance line

Evil Maknae™ (3/3 of maknae line)

2/2 of actor line (yes he‘s that boy from Sky Castle)

speaks fluent duck

Taemin‘s Nº fanboy (literally knows his blood type, like... wow okay)

can‘t remember any of the members birthdays (he actually thought Youngbin was born in August when his birthday is literally in the middle of Winter. Leaderbin was hurt).

always looks like a smol bean, but everyone else is just ridiculously tall

had bright orange hair once only for about one second though lol

constantly smothered with love and hugs from Rowoon and pretends to hates it

has all his hyungs wrapped around his finger and knows it (they‘re all whipped for him, especially when he’s doing aegyo)

has a lot of hair aka (my favorite) coconut head (#freehisforehead2019)

looks expressionless and tired 24/7 (a whole mood and true gen z)

some videos to watch

all of their mv’s of course

literally every comeback stage

the suit versions of Now or Never and RPM

the ghost prank/horror version of Now or Never (I cried laughing) 

this really cute Dingo Music version of Enough 

basically all their dance practices, but especially K.O. (we all know they should have gone viral with that choreography)

their adorable pajama version of Different

them performing RPM on a treadmill (Chani is a mood™ and Inseong’s grandpa waddle is so cute)

these stunning acoustic versions of their songs brought to you by 2/3 of extra line + The Tree™

their kcon New York 2019 performance (+ their cover of Love Shot)

their reality show Trip with Fantasy 

them dancing to O Sole Mio ft. Ostriches

their episodes on Weekly Idol and Idol Room

their girl group cover dance battle on Weekly Idol (ft. Cross Gene)

Rowoon and Inseong on Masked Singer

Dawon on Weekly Idol as part of the Masked Idol segment

the Now or Never choreography ft. dance line and the 1MILLION dance crew

them covering BTS’ Boy in Luv + EXO’s Call Me Baby

the Idol Dance Cover Challenge of Love Shot (ft. Astro, The Boyz and CIX)

this interview (I mean, that title alone... lol)

those are just a few of my favorite videos - there’s so much more content out there, so you’ll definitely never starve, lol.

I could literally ramble on about these nine incredible men for hours on end. 

But this will be the end of my guide (it’s long enough already, lol).

Stan SF9 for (clear skin and good grades) nine hard-working and so, so talented individuals with amazing voices, incredible dance moves, outstanding visuals, chaotic energies and a lot of meme-worthiness.

You won’t regret it, I promise.

(Don’t worry, Rowoon(’s face) is okay).

[masterlist] | [requests] 

[wetalkinboutbooks]

Empire of Sand by Tasha Suri

Summary: A nobleman’s daughter with magic in her blood. An empire built on the dreams of enslaved gods. Empire of Sand is Tasha Suri’s captivating, Mughal India-inspired debut fantasy.

The Amrithi are outcasts; nomads descended of desert spirits, they are coveted and persecuted throughout the Empire for the power in their blood. Mehr is the illegitimate daughter of an imperial governor and an exiled Amrithi mother she can barely remember, but whose face and magic she has inherited.

When Mehr’s power comes to the attention of the Emperor’s most feared mystics, she must use every ounce of will, subtlety, and power she possesses to resist their cruel agenda.

Should she fail, the gods themselves may awaken seeking vengeance…

Empire of Sand is a lush, dazzling fantasy novel perfect for readers of City of Brass and The Wrath & the Dawn. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:  

 → Geena:  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 → Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: A fantastic fantasy with really cool worldbuilding that we adored, and it keeps you engaged with a protagonist who does what she wants without remorse 😤 (and we love her). Also, heads up this isn’t YA persay, we’d classify it as more NA (new adult).

The Good

→ Mehr

Kae: So let’s get started with one of my favourite strong, badass female characters, Mehr.  Mehr is the “bastard” daughter of a noble. Her parents were very much in love, but her mother was an Amrithi. The Amrithi people in this world, are very connected to the spirits and the Earth. But, as all ~connected~ people seem to be, they were hunted by the Ambhans because they were seen as the lowest race of people. They were seen as barbaric, heathens, and all those other mean things people say to seem inferior. As much as the Ambhan’s hated the Amrithi, they needed their blood to protect themselves from Daiva (spirits). Ambhan’s also think of themselves as the superior race so jot that down. Now let’s get back to Mehr. 

Mehr is the daughter of an Ambhan noble and an Amrithi tribeswoman. The Amrithi do not marry because it will mean they are giving themselves up and breaking a vow that it literally written on their skin. It would mean they are losing a part of themself. Because Mehr’s father keeps a big ol’ cup of ‘RESPECTING WOMEN JUICE’ with him, he was like “Yeah that’s totally fine. I still love you and our children will be protected so this is fine.” So Mehr is protected, as well as her little sister Arwa. The thing is though, Mehr looks very much like the Amrithi. She has her mother's dark skin and hair, and tall figure. Her little sister looks more Ambhan, so she has a much easier time blending in. When Mehr was very young, her mother abandoned them and returned to the desert. So Mehr’s father had to remarry. Mehr’s stepmother is not kind to her at all. She is mean and petty and even forbids Mehr to see her sister, Arwa whenever she feels Mehr is being ‘disobedient’. Mehr’s stepmother, Miryam, has also raised Arwa as her own because she cannot have children. So she feels some type of ownership over Arwa. 

Mehr is very aware of her Amrithi roots and continues to practice the Amrithi religion and dance her Rites whenever she gets the chance. On one particular spirit Daiva fueled stormy night, Mehr decides to dance her rites in the storm. This particular storm is called Dreamfire and it’s basically when the spirits come down to earth. While doing her Rites, she ends up lost and wanders into the city, unaccompanied (Which is a huge no-no) and finds herself at an Amrithi woman's house (whom? Has taught her the rites and her heritage, in hiding.) This grabs the attention of the Mystics and they are at her house within a few weeks. The Mystics are very powerful people who you absolutely cannot refuse or they’ll pretty much kill your whole family. So she is offered a marriage proposal and has to take it to save herself and her family. This is when she is introduced to her soon to be husband, Amun.

Geena: I loved Mehr, and Tasha Suri does a good job of using Mehr’s character with her lineage as a way to comment on colourism and caste (since the book is set in a place that is essentially the Indian subcontinent). But yeh, Kae hit all the plot points, Mehr’s constantly told to hide her amrithi self but she dgaf and does what SHE wants… though this does lead to the Mystics showing up like Kae said. I think part of the history of the Ambhan empire is that they essentially “colonized” the amrithi, and the mystics had a huge part of that since they (we learn later) use the Amrithi to harness the daiva and their powers and guide the success of the ambhan empire. SO, Mehr is forced to accept this arranged marriage, even though her father HATES that the mystics are taking away Mehr’s ability to make her own choice. Ambhans generally consider women property but when it comes to choosing marriage partners, women are given free reign to make a choice, so her dad is furious when the mystics insinuate that Mehr HAS to accept. 

Mehr could’ve said no, but she thinks about it and realizes that if she doesn’t go along with the mystics they’d ruin her dad and this would ruin her younger sister’s life too. Our girl says ‘family over everything’ and jumps into the marriage, another amrithi boy (both characters are like 19 I think??). But right after the boy, Amun, is furious and Mehr can’t figure out why until he points out that now they’re bound for life!!! Mehr can’t STAND his ass, she’s like “okay but I didn’t want this either bitch” anyways this is a very slowburn type of story. Mehr quickly learns what it is the mystics do and she’s basically like “o shit.” SO LIKE, we learn that Amun has been under the mystics since he was a kid, and he essentially had accepted his fate that ‘I will live and die working for them’ but then Mehr shows up and learns everything, and our girl is quick-witted and isn’t about to take shit lying down. I LOVE how she essentially is a beacon of hope, even when her mother abandoned them and she was stuck with a shitty stepmom it didn’t stop her from embracing her roots and living life how she wanted. AND!!! Despite her stepmom’s threats she didn’t say away from Arwa and taught Arwa almost everything she knew. Mehr had rules laid out for her but she was like “lmao fuck that” and did what she felt like doing.  She’s also really sweet, she learns all about Amun and manages to befriend other people under the mystics, which backfires but you kno. You win some, you lose some. Mehr is truly that bitch and gave Amun hope, and together they fought for their freedom. 

ALSO, I should add that I like how Mehr doesn’t make dumbfuck decisions like everything that goes wrong isn’t necessarily her fault (other than her few slip-ups rip) but like she isn’t a dumbass so I found solace in that. 

→ Amun

Kae: Amuuuun. Amuun. Amun. I liked him a lot. He’s just this very quiet, handsome young man who is TRYING HIS BEST. He like, initially stays away from Mehr because he is resisting an order from the Maha. Basically, if the Maha tells Amun to do something, he HAS to do it, or he starts to suffer. It’s because when Amun was first forced to join the Maha and his religious cult, Amun had to take a vow (which is very literal and serious for Amrithi and is literally carved into their skin) to always obey the Maha. Amun has his own way or obeying the Maha. He rebels in the smallest way he can and I don’t think he even realized how much he was rebelling. It was just natural to him. He does what the Maha asks of him but in his own way. But yes, Amun was very standoffish towards Mehr. He was kind of afraid to get close to her because neither of them wanted to get married, but for Amun, it was a vow he was instructed to do. For Mehr, it was saving herself and her family. So he teaches her the new Rites she has to learn to perform in Dreamfire storms, etc. But eventually, they start to talk and actually enjoy each others company. Amun is comanded to sleep with Mehr, but since that’s isn’t exactly a ~specfic~ order, he has been sleeping with her… But like, literally just sleeping beside her in the same bed. That’s it. But TECHNICALLY, he is doing as he was commanded. See? Our boy finds loopholes because HE SMART. AND HE DRINKS ‘RESPECTING WOMEN JUICE’. We stan a legend. SO YEAH THE MAHA FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS. MAHA IS PIIIIIISSED. So he literally says to Amun, “fuck your wife.” and him and Mehr are close and this point and Amun is literally killing himself by not doing this direct command because he doesn’t want to hurt Mehr. He doesn’t want to force her to have sex with him. He is literally losing weight, sweating, getting sick. All of it. And Mehr is like “Listen… I love you. I really do and I don’t want you to die. So like, just do it. It’s okay, I’m giving you permission.” AMUN OUR SWEET BOY IS STILL SO HESITANT BECAUSE HE DOESN’T WANT TO DEFILE HER. BUT HE IS DYING SO LIKE, HE HAS TO HAVE SEX WITH HER. IT’S EITHER FUCK OR DIE. THE WORLD FUCKS U EITHER WAY SO MIGHT AS WELL. 

Geena: WHEN….. WHEN THE MAHA TOLD HIS OLD GENERAL DUDE “YOU WATCH AND MAKE SURE THEY DO” I WAS SITTING HERE LIKE…. BRO…. BRO WHAT……… AND THE GENERAL WAS UNCOMFORTABLE AND EVERYONE WAS UNCOMFORTABLE….. AND like everyone is eating the Maha’s ass at this point and it takes Mehr forever to convince the general guy to be like “couldn’t you just wait at the end of the staircase and listen instead” god that was so awkward.

Kae: I’M GLAD YOU MENTIONED THAT PART. Yes, it was extremely uncomfortable for everyone in this situation. Including the readers asdfghjkl;. But like, The general agrees and waits outside. Mehr and Amun are making the best of their situation and well… They make LOOOOVE. And it’s actually really sweet and not a bad scene. He was gentle with her and they made their own vows to each other to make such a harsh, forced moment, a moment of their own. Amun is just a sweet, quiet boy who is very much in love with his wife and he just gets caught up in shit. But we love him. 

Geena: I ONLY WANNA ADD ONE THING, which is that the condition the Maha had laid out was the moment that Amun slept with Mehr, Mehr would be forced to follow every single order from the Maha too. So all of Mehr’s “Friends” feel bad for her because she’s being forced to sleep with Amun, who they think is this hulking man who’s rude to everyone (he has reason to be bc they all treat him like a monster). And Mehr can’t handle her man being slandered and she’s like “EXCUSE YOU, BUT THAT MAN IS SOFT™ AND HASN’T TOUCHED ME” and one of her “friends” is like.. “O worm?” and basically snitches to the Maha. Also, I love how Amun is written, he doesn’t have a perspective of his own but we still get to see what drives him and why he is the way he is, like his past and what his dreams had been. Amun is like a dark skinned Thor but like more depressed sdkfjndsf 

WAIT UNREALated to Amun  kinda, but when the whole book went without cussing and near the end the Maha was like “AMUN I WANT YOU TO FUCK MEHR” I LOST IT….. Tasha’s editor was like “You may say fuck…. But only ONCE” like that donkey kong meme.  

AND ANOTHER THING, the ending with Mehr and Amun had me like clutching my chest. They manage to defeat the Maha and essentially free any future Amrithi from facing the same fate as them, but they realize that the dreamfire dance is important to keep the gods and daeva appeased. Mehr steps up saying that she’ll stay in like the Maha’s place and perform the dance and teach any Amrithi willing to listen, and Amun says he’ll stay with her too. BUT!! He had also said that he wants to do nothing more than leave that place and travel far away from the Maha’s influence, and Mehr essentially tells him “Amun, you gotta go live your life, I refuse to tie you down with me.” and up until the last page the reader is like…. O shit…. He’s going….. AND that’s so sweet of Mehr to say because she knows that Amun only has bad memories of the place and it’s overall traumatic for him so even though she loves him she doesn’t want to tie him down. BUT!!!! AMUN STAYS ALL BC HE’S LIKE MEHR IS HIS LIFE!! And together they stay and train Amrithi, and the place that had once been used to imprison and enslave Amrithi is made into a safe haven for them. 

Kae:  boom yes ur were right. I got caught up because it was so cute. But like, he goes “I don’t want to travel. I want to be with u” and she’s like “NOOO LIVE UR LIFE DON’T STAY CAUSE I WANT U TO” and he’s like “but i want to court u like we talked about” and she's like “BOY WE MARRIED” and he’s like “Yeah, but like, I want to court you every day. Like if we were normal and didn’t get forced into this. Anyway, I love you a lot, but we should do this right” and she gets all flustered and shes like “WHEW. IM GETTIN’ HOT. ENOUGH COURTING FOR TODAY.” 

The Bad:

→ The Mothers

Geena: Kae mentioned earlier than Mehr has had two moms, her real one and then the stepmom that she was forced to deal with after her mom left (see: abandoned) her. As much as her stepmom was an asshole to her, she did her absolute best to be a good mother to Mehr’s younger sister so like… I guess she deserves SOME rights. BUT…. THEIR BIRTH MOM? AN ABSOLUTE TOOL. We end up meeting Mehr’s mom after Mehr runs away from the Maha, turns out she’s been acting as chief for a tribe this whole time??? And wasn’t missing or dead…. Just out here…. Travelling with her tribe…. Not giving a shit about her daughters… And when her mom learns that Mehr is under the Maha’s control her mom is unsupportive in my opinion, and I was ready to fight her. Mehr asks for her help but her mom is like :///// sorry my tribe comes first :/// and anyways I was v unimpressed and her mom’s excuse was like “oh your dad gave u a life better than I ever could” like that doesn’t mean shit when Mehr didn’t have anyone to lean on in her life (like her stepmom could give two shits about Mehr…. Imagine getting ur period for the first time and your stepmom is just like ‘yea idc’ so u gotta sit there with ur cramps all sad with no one to hug you, bc all the servants think you’re weird).  Tasha Suri does a great job at writing varying levels of shitty parenting so there’s that lmao  

→ Kalini 

Kae: So now we have, Kalini, AKA BOOOOTLICKERRRRRR. Kalini and her sister whose name escapes me at the moment, were ~rescued~ by the Maha when they were kids or whatever. So she is his self proclaimed right-hand woman. 

Geena: She highkey wanted to fuck the Maha you can’t change my mind. She saw his wrinkly ass and was like “I wanna hit that”

Kae: LMAOOO YOU’RE RIGHT AND YOU SHOULD SAY IT. And like, she also highkey hates Mehr. She thinks that if her sister, Hema, continues to talk to Mehr, she will land herself in trouble and well, Kalini wasn’t wrong. Hema’s throat is slit and she bleeds out in front of her sister for fraternizing with Mehr. Kalini was mean to Mehr from the start, but the murder of her sister just darkens Kalini even more. She loathes Mehr. BUT, Kalini isn’t a total dumbass. She DOES recognize that the Maha is the one who commanded her death, so she holds that memory tight and uses it to fuel her. She later kills the Maha where he stands, letting him know that he is not a God, and is mortal like everyone else. She slits his throat. Boom, he dead. 

Geena: Kalini was eating the Maha’s ass but she realized he wasn’t shit at the same time. So she can have rights bc of that I suppose. 

The Ugly: 

→ Maha

Geena: now to talk about, as Kae beautifully phrased it the  “HOE ASS BITCH ASS FUCK ASS MAHA” He is truly… the nASTIEST man alive, thinks of himself as a God even though he’s ugly and probably has the body of a pufferfish (unappealing). So, he has the ability to do ~vibe checks~ and find amrithi, who he forces to dance every few months during a huge dreamfire storm so he can harness the magic and use it to fuel the Ambhan empire. He’s had Amun under his thumb since the boy was a child, and now he wants to use Mehr too…. OKAY WAIT KAE DIDN’T HE WANT THEM TO “BREED”  

Kae: YEAH. BUT AMUN SAID THEY COULDN’T HAVE KIDS BECAUSE THE DREAM FIRE RITE FUCKS THEM UP. BUT HE ONLY CAME TO THAT CONCLUSION BECAUSE MAHA WAS FUCKIN’ THE LADY THAT WOULD DANCE THE RITE WITH AMUN BUT SHE CULDN’T GET PREGGGERS. SO I JUST THINK THE MAHA WAS FUCKED UP AND NOT THEM. We will see in book 2 tho…. 

Geena: YEA!!! SO THAT WAS JUST ONE OTHER FUCKED UP THING THE MAHA ORCHESTRATED (also lmao he was shooting dust ehehhe). Along with slitting Hema’s throat and uh telling Amun to force himself on Mehr. A part of me was thinking while reading that if Amun and Mehr weren’t married and had their vows…. What he would’ve done… He was a gross old man and eugh makes my skin crawl thinking about him. Like he enslaved Amrithi and worked them until the ritual eventually killed them and ugh fuck that man he got the death he deserved… Though I kinda wish Amun had been the one to stab him dead but :/ 

Kae: Geena broke it down pretty well. We HATE THE MAHA AND HE’S A FUGLY, SKANK BITCH. He really is the worst though. He had been harnessing the power of the Amrithi people for generations, making him pretty much immortal (right or am I wrong?) until Mehr and Amun fought back and she dipped out on him in the middle of a huge dreamfire storm. Since they didn’t complete the rite, the Maha didn’t get that nice hit of Amritihi power, and he quickly began to age and get sick. This is when Kalini saw her opportunity to strike and murked his ass. The Maha was demanding, evil, VILE, and an abusive manipulator. I don’t like him. BUT THAT’S GOOD THAT WE DON’T LIKE HIM because that means he was well written. Tasha Suri does a fantastic job writing all of these characters.

Conclusion

Kae: Also, dude. Tasha wrote Mehr so well. It's why she’s one of my favourites. Like, Mehr was brave, but she was scared as shit in the beginning. She did everything she was told and we see her progress into this strong wonderful young lady and it's such a beautiful development? And same with Amun? He’s like, quiet and weird but we find out it was because he wanted to protect Mehr from the start? POETIC CINEMA. 

Geena: FUCK DUDE you’re so right, it reminds me of Sabaa’s writing a lot too. The way we see her characters flourish in tandem with each other like OOOF, I wanna write like that. Also, the romance isn’t like an insta-love type of deal, Tasha makes it very clear that it develops over a long period of time, and uughhhh everything is so natural. Speaking of, Tasha Suri’s coming out with another book set in the same universe, but this time it’ll be focused on Arwa, Mehr’s sister. We’re super excited because it happens years after this book, and Kae mentioned that Tasha has hinted at a family reunion so I CAN’T WAIT! 

[bellakitse]

I see the future cradled in your arms

Michael is sitting at the counter of the Crashdown with Liz across the counter and Maria next to him, enjoy the company of his two friends. Sometimes he’s still surprised that he truly considers them that. He and Liz hadn’t had the smoothest start to their friendship, covering her sister’s murder can do that to a friendship and as for Maria and him, they had made a mess of their friendship by trying to turn it into a relationship. A mistake that lasted exactly two months before they both realized that they both loved one Alex Manes too much ever to work. Maria as a brother and Michael as a man that found his soulmate when he was 17.

“How’s it going with Alex?” Maria asks, biting into a fry, startling Michael with mention of the man he’d just been thinking about moments ago. He stares at her for a moment, her gaze knowing and shakes his head — fucking psychics.

He shrugs hoping for casual, but Maria and Liz stare at him, waiting him out. He sighs and shrugs again, this time with uncertainty. Things between Alex and him are…good, better then they have ever been, just, undefined. When he and Maria started their short affair, Alex had been gracious. He told Michael that he understood that he needed distance from the pain that Michael associated with him.

‘I get it, Guerin. I’m not happy about it, and I wish things were different, but I get it. It doesn’t change what I said at the prison, I mean it. You’re my family, and I’m not walking away, so if you need me, I’m around.’

Alex had said his peace, pressed a kiss against Michael’s forehead and left Michael alone in his junkyard, more heartbroken and more in love than ever.

That was six months ago.

What followed was dealing with a resurrected Rosa, a temporarily dead Max, Maria finding out about aliens and her own family’s history with them. Through it all, Alex had been there, in the background lending a helping hand when he was needed — stepping back when Michael tried so hard for normal with Maria.

When they broke up, both in agreement but still a little broken from it, Alex had offered both of them a shoulder to cry on. He still remembers the first conversation, Maria, and he had post-break-up. Drinking at her bar after hours, Maria shaking her head. ‘I hooked up with the man he loves, and he still came and let me cry on his shoulder, I love him, but sometimes I want to shake him and tell him to stop being such a martyr.’

He grimaces the way he always does when he thinks about Maria’s relationship with Alex because even though Alex had been there for her, and they were actively working at repairing their relationship. There is still huge cracks in their relationship, and they had Michael’s name all over them.

“Michael?”

Michael shakes out of his less than pleasant thoughts, thinking about the damage he helped cause in Alex and Maria’s friendship always leaves him feeling like a jackass, especially knowing that neither of them allowed themselves to have many friends in the first place.

He turns his gaze from Maria to Liz, who is looking at him quizzingly.

“Are you going to answer the question or-?” she lets the question hang suspended.

“The answer is I don’t know,” he said after a moment, hating how true it is, he doesn’t know what he and Alex are or aren’t these days. He knows he loves Alex, but he’s always known that. He knows Alex loves him, he doesn’t hide it anymore much to Michael’s delight, but other than that everything else is up in the air.

He and Maria have been over for months; everything around them is finally starting to settle. He’s been working through his issues, and he knows he wants to be with Alex, he thinks Alex wants the same, and yet neither of them have made a move. Whenever they’re together, whether around their friends or alone the air around them crackled with want and need, with ‘I miss you so much and if I don’t touch you soon, I will explode’ tension and still neither move forward.

They’re friends.

They’re family.

They’re cosmic.

They aren’t together.

Liz huffs. “You two need to get your shit together already,” she rolls her eyes as she walks away from them and goes to another customer on the other end of the counter.

“She’s right, you know,” Maria comments, softly, as she reaches for her water.

Michael raises an eyebrow at her.

“I know it’s weird taking love advice from your ex,” she starts shaking her head as she smirks to herself almost amused by the situation. “Trust me, it’s weird for me too, but I love Alex, and I love you, and I can feel how much you guys love each other, we can all see it, but I can feel it, Michael, so why are you wasting time?”

“He hasn’t made a move either, you know,” Michael grumbles feeling defensive, pouting when Maria lets out a laugh.

“You don’t really expect him to, do you, Michael?” she questions, her tone blunt. “Not after you and me? You turned him down and got with his best friend; he’s not going to make the first move.”

Michael opens his mouth and then closes it, sighing again because deep down he knows she’s right. Despite being understanding, he knows how much seeing him with Maria hurt Alex. That it made him uncertain when it comes to them.

He opens his mouth again to ask what he should do about it, but as he does the door to the crashdown opens, and he hears the voice of the man in question.

“Best milkshakes and fries in the state of New Mexico, Colbert,”

“That’s a hell of a review, Manes, it better deliver.”

Michael turns at the voices and finds Alex smiling at a tall, handsome man with olive skin and a boy about a year old in his arms, who is busy drooling on a teething ring.

“I love how you act like you have a distinguishing palate, you actually liked the MRE’s we had in the field.”

The man shrugs raising the kid on his hip a little higher. “They were decent.”

Alex laughs at that, happy and carefree in a way Michael hasn’t heard in a while. “Yeah, nothing says fine dining like something that has a five years shelf-life and tastes like cardboard, give me my godson, I don’t need you corrupting him with your crappy taste in things. That includes food, clothes, and music.”

He hands over his son easily to Alex, Alex placing the child on his own hip. The little boy giving Alex a toothy smile as he pats his tiny hand against Alex’s cheek leaving a wet trail of spit. Alex just grins again and leans in to make a funny face at the child in his arms.

“Hey,” he calls out, his throat suddenly dry, but can anyone blame him? Alex is standing there with a kid in his arms, being absolutely adorable and suddenly Michael aches.

Alex snaps his gaze to him, startled, then he looks from him to Maria. It’s a tiny move, but Michael still spots it as Alex tenses up, and Maria’s words come roaring back into his head. No, Alex is never going to make the first move.

“Hey,” Alex says back after a moment, looking back at his companion, a quick, silent conversation between them that leaves Michael on edge before they start to close the short distance between them until they are standing in front of Michael and Maria.

“Hey,” he repeats before looking at Maria. “Hey, Maria,” he says, greeting her too, the smile on his face polite and unsure.

“Hey, Alex,” Maria greets back powering through the sudden awkwardness. “Who’s your friends?”

Alex turns to the man next to him. “Captain Jeff Colbert, we served together. Jeff, this Michael Guerin and Maria Deluca.”

There’s instant recognition in the man’s eyes at their names, leaving Michael to wonder what he's heard. 

“Retired,” he says as he shakes their hands.

“And this little man,” Alex continues, his smile coming easy again as he tickles the belly of the little boy in his arms, the smiling growing when the boy lets out a happy squeal. “Is Matthew Alexander Colbert, my godson.”

“Hey, Alex!” Liz calls out as she comes back to them.

Alex smiles and does with the introductions again. Liz smiles at the baby, reaching out to play with his hand.

“He’s beautiful,” she comments, and Jeff smiles but it’s Alex who beams at the compliment earning a laughing scoff from his friend.

“It’s not like you had anything to do with it, you know,” Jeff teases. “She complimenting my good looks.”

"I'm literally the reason you and Megan got together,” Alex shots back and it earns him a tired groan that has him laughing. “She was after me that night if you recall."

“You’re never going to let that go are you?”

Alex smirks in return. “You wouldn’t be married if it wasn’t for that so no.”

‘Asshole’ Jeff mouths and Alex laughs. Matthew to let out a baby laugh of his own at the sound. 

“Your wife hit on Alex?” Liz asks, asking what he’s quietly wondering about.

Jeff rolls his eyes but is good-humored as he starts his story. “We were at a bar not too far from base, and in walks the prettiest little redhead I have ever seen, but of course she takes on look at this guy’s cheekbones and makes a straight line for him. Starts talking to him, flirting with him, not that he picks up on it right away but when he finally does he goes ‘sweetheart if I wasn't hopelessly gay I would take you up on your offer, but allow me to introduce you to my friend.’ He introduced me to my future wife and came out to me in one go.”

Alex who has now taken a seat on at the booth across from where they are sitting shrugs, he’s placed Matthew on the table playing with his sock covered feet with one hand, while the other he places on Matthew back to keep him safely sitting up. “I'm a multitasking wing-man, and by then I had gotten enough of a feel of you to know that my chances of you turning into a homophobic prick were pretty low.”

Jeff leans against the booth, still facing them. “Megan and I hit it off, we got married eight months later. Right before Alex, and I deployed for the 3rd time.”

“I was the best man,” Alex chips in.

“And you gave your kid his name,” Michael says, speaking for the first time since the introductions, his eyes straying to where Alex is playing with his godson, not really paying attention to any of them as he leans in to blow raspberries on Matthews soft belly.

“Megan and I agreed that when a man saves your life, the least you can do is to name your kid after him,” Jeff answers easily, turning to look at Alex who looks up from Matthew and shares a look with his friend, it speaks volumes of friendship and brotherhood.

Nobody asks how Alex saved Jeff’s life, but given that Alex’s last tour had been his 3rd and he’d come back with only half a right leg, they can all take an educated guess. Jeff sits across from Alex after that and Liz takes their orders. Maria doesn’t linger long after that; she has to open the bar after all. 

Michael tries to go back to his food, his back to Alex and his company, but every time Alex talks to the baby, or the baby lets out a giggle Michael finds himself turning and finding that Alex is the reason for the kid's current enjoyment.

“We need to get you a baby, man,” Jeff comments as he chews on his burger. His comment hitting Michael square in the chest.

Alex snorts at that. “Sure, let me know if Megan is interested.”

“That’s cold, Manes,” Jeff answers, laughing. “You know I’m insecure that she might love you more than she loves me, she’s always going on about how pretty you are, she thinks you’re better looking than me.”

“That’s not her loving me more than you,” Alex reassures, and Michael turns enough to catch the shit-eating grin on Alex’ face. “That’s just her stating a fact. I am better looking than you.”

“Bitch,” Jeff answers affectionately and Alex scowls at him covering Matthew’s ears.

“Tiny ears, dude!” Alex hisses.  “If Matthew’s first word other than mama or papa, is a curse, Megan is going to come for our balls with our own Ontario knives.”

Jeff laughs loudly. “You know she loves that you fear her, right?”

“I don’t fear your wife,” Alex protests, Matthew who has been playing with his fingers tries to bring them to his mouth, Alex wiggles his fingers in the baby’s face to distract him from his goal. His handling of the baby comfortable. “I happen to have excellent preservation skills. Obviously, you missed that class in basic since you like to poke the bear.”

Jeff chuckles again as his cell rings, pulling it out he checks the caller ID. “It’s work,” he states as he stands. “I have to take it, you okay with him?”

Alex waves him off. “Go, I only put up with you to spend time with Matty,” he answers, looking back at the baby. “Isn’t that right bud?”

Jeff shakes his head as he starts to walk towards the door. “Love you too, brother.”

Micheal watches as the man steps out of the café and then looks back at Alex and Matthew. Helplessly he stares as the love of his life engages with his godson, soft tickles at the baby’s side, softer words as he leans in and places a kiss on the crown of the baby’s head. Alex looks good with him, relaxed in a way Michael doesn’t think he’s seen since Alex came back from war.

“Are you going to keep staring like a creeper or are you going to join us, Guerin,” Alex says, his brown eyes catching Michael’s, he sees the smallest grin playing on his lips, amused that he startled Michael, but then again it’s not like Michael was subtle.

“Sorry,” Michael murmurs, his cheeks going warm and his heart slammed against his ribcage as Alex’s expression softens.

“Come,” Alex asks in a gentle tone. “Meet my favorite person on earth.”

Michael gets up, his plate of food has been finished for a while anyway and takes Jeff vacant seat across Alex, Matthew looks at him from where he sits between them on the table. “I thought I was your favorite person,” he tries to joke, wincing as he catches his neediness.

Alex looks at him for a moment quietly; the only sound between them is Matthew’s baby babble.

“It’s a two-way tie between you two,” His eyes are locked on Michael and Michael can’t do anything else but stare back, trapped under the power of Alex’s gaze. “Sorry,” Alex continues, his lips quirking upward. ‘You’ll have to share.”

 Michael clears his throat, his mouth dry as Alex continues to look at him. “Guess I should get to know him if he’s vying for your attention,” he answers, looking at the little boy. “Hello, Matthew.”

Alex turns him to face Michael more fully, and Michael takes the boy in, he’s fairer than his father, with soft reddish-brown hair. Given that his mother is apparently a redhead, it’s safe to assume he takes after her. Big brown doe eyes that pull you in just like his godfather’s.

Alex leans in close behind the baby, his mouth next to his ear. “Say hi, Matty,” he says softly, opening and closing his hand to show the boy how. Matthew follows the movement with his eyes for a moment before he mimics it. Alex grins and presses a kiss on the baby’s cheek. “Good boy, Matty, so smart.”

“How old is he?”

“He’ll be a year old in a few weeks,” Alex answers before looking back at the baby. “You’ll be a big boy, right, Matty?”

Alex looks back at him, that same easy smile he’s been sporting since he walked in firmly in place and Michael tries to remember when was the last time he’s seen Alex smile so much. Probably senior year.

“He’s growing so fast; it seems like just yesterday I was meeting him for the first time,” Alex comments, continuing without prompting. “Jeff was still enlisted then, about to get out and we were in Texas at the time, Laughlin. I was doing my physical therapy and miserable. Megan was ready to pop. She went into labor, and 17 hours later, Matthew was here.”

Alex laughs softly and runs a hand over Matthew’s hair. “Jeff was a blubbering mess, he puts Matthew in my arms and tells me to say hello to my godson, and then I was blubbering mess right with him. Megan still teases us about being two hard Airmen weeping over a baby.”

“You guys are good friends,” Michael points out getting a nod in return. “I’m glad you had that.”

Alex shrugs, his expression is unsure and complicated. “Not everything about my time in the Air Force sucked.”

Michael nods. “That’s good, I’m glad,” he repeats.

“Yeah,” Alex says softly. They both go quiet again, and Michael thinks back to Maria and Liz’s advice from earlier, he licks his lips, nervous but ready to make a move.

“So, I was thinking,” he starts, clears his throat, lets out an awkward chuckle and cringes internally at his ridiculous behavior, Alex frowns at him concerned.

“Yeah?”

“Maybe would could hang out?” Michael asks, wincing at the doubt he hears in his voice. “You could come over; I could cook, share a beer?”

Alex studies him, Matthew picks that moment to shift, tired of being on the table and tired in general if the way he rubs his eyes are any indication he makes grabby hands for Alex. Without breaking eye contact, Alex picks the baby up and brings him close to his chest, cradling his head against his shoulder.

 “Do you really cook in the Airstream?” Alex questions and Michael shrugs, because well no, he doesn’t do much cooking in his trailer other than eggs and heating soup, but they could order something.

Alex makes a noise, and when Michael looks at him, he finds that Alex is biting back a smile.

“How about the cabin instead?” Alex offers and Michael perks up. “I have a grill; we can put some steaks?”

“Yeah?”

Alex nods. “I have Jeff and Matt at my place for one more night and some things to do the next day, but maybe Friday? If that works for you?”

Michael is nodding before Alex even finishes his question, his face aching from the smile on it. “Yeah yeah, yeah,” he says quickly, sounding like an idiot and giving zero fucks about it. “Yeah, Friday works.”

Alex gives him a pleased smile, his hand running up and down the back of the now sleeping child in his arms. “Friday, then.”

 ***

Friday both takes too long to arrive and sneaks up on him at the same time. He spends the day in the junkyard working on cars with a nervous energy that annoys Sanders until the older man tells him to get out of his sight already and lets him wrap up early.

He showers, finds his best shirt, and pours himself into his tightest pants, cowboy hat firmly on his head. He’s playing a little dirty knowing how much Alex secretly like his cowboy aesthetics, but he’s tired of not being with Alex, and he’s ready to use every advantage he has. Alex had sent him a message to come around six, and that gives him enough time to stop by the store and pick up a sixer. Along the way, he group-messages Max, Isobel, and Liz and tells them that unless there is an actual alien invasion, for no one to bother him or Alex and to pass along the word.

Max doesn’t answer, not surprising, Isobel sends an eye-roll and Liz a winky face with a ‘go get him, Mickey’ attached to it. He rolls his eyes, but a fond smile makes its way to his face. Getting Alex is exactly the plan.

He arrives at Alex’s cabin ten before six, and with a calming breath knocks on his door. He doesn't wait long before Alex greets him in a snug navy tee and slim jeans, that show off how fit he is, Michael swallows hard, his constant need for the man in front of him making itself known by the way his stomach flips at the sight of him. Okay so many, Alex isn’t playing fair either.

“Hey,” Alex breathed, a smiling curving his lips. “Come in,” he says, stepping to the side to let him in. “I have the steak marinating, and I just put the potatoes on the grill, are you hungry? Sorry, I would have started earlier, but Jeff and Matthew video chatted me, and I got distracted.”

“No worries,” Michael answers as he follows Alex through the cabin and out to the patio. “I’m good for now,” he continues, placing the six pack on the outside table. “How are they, did they make it home okay?”

“Yeah,” Alex answers as he gestured for Michael to sit while he starts to place the steaks on the grill along with some veggies in foil. “Yeah Jeff drove here, which is crazy with an 11-month-old in the back seat, but Matthew is a pretty calm baby, so they got back to Texas fine, little over 8 hours, so he made good time.”

“That’s good,” Michael comments as he takes out two beers and passes one over to Alex, his fingers brushing against his, lingering for a moment before he lets go.

“Yeah,” Alex says, distracted, his eyes on the beer in his hand before looking back at Michael as he sits across from him at the small table. “I don’t look forward to that drive next month though; I’m not as calm as Matty.”

“You’re going to Texas?” Michael questions, hearing about it for the first time.

Alex nods. “For a weekend, Matty’s 1st birthday, Megan is going all out doing some kind of planes theme, cause Air Force,” Alex finishes with a laugh.

“That’s nice,” Michael comments, feeling a little lost, realizing that he’s been missing out on a lot of aspects of Alex’s life. Parts and people he had no idea about when before he would have answered with absolute certainty that he knew everything about Alex. He pushes the thought aside because what he doesn’t know, he’s ready to know.

“Yeah,” Alex agrees with a smile. “I can’t wait, he was here two days ago and I already miss him, it will be nice to celebrate his day.”

“You don’t get to see them much do you?” Michael ask.

Alex shakes his head. “Different states, busy with work and well alien stuff,” he says with a wry grin. “I video chat with Jeff and Megan a couple of times a week though, and they always make sure Matthew is on with them so that he gets to know me and can recognize me.”

 “That obviously worked, I watched you with him,” Michael says softly. “He adores you.”

Alex smirks. “I know you watched me with him, Jeff wouldn’t shut about it, said you didn’t take your eyes off me,” he says with a raised eyebrow, cutting through the crap and getting straight to the point in that Alex way of his, fearless.

"I never take my eyes off you,” Michael shoots back, rising to the challenge Alex is throwing down, smiling inwardly when Alex’s eyes widen, his fingers tapping out nervously against his beer bottle.  “That's beside the point."

“What’s the point then?” Alex asks quietly.

“You're good with him,” Micheal answers in a soft voice of his own, his hand reaching out to stop Alex’s tapping. “You'll be an amazing father someday."

Alex shakes his head, but he doesn’t move his hand from under Michael’s. Instead, he turns it and links their fingers. "I don't know about that, not like I had a good role model in fatherhood."

Micheal gets out of his seat and turns Alex’s in his, getting down to his knees he kneels in front of Alex, his hands on his thighs. Alex looks at him with wide eyes and held breath; they’re so closer. Closer than either has allowed in months. Micheal takes a breath and gives voice to what he has thought about none stop since he saw Alex with Matthew in his arms. "You will, you’ll be an amazing dad, and I want to be there next to you when it happens."

Alex lets out a shuttered breath at his proclamation. "Guerin, shouldn't we try dating for once before we jump to babies?" he tries to joke, but it’s ruined by the way his voice cracks and his eyes shine. Still, there is a smile on Alex’s face that gives Michael hope.

“I want to date,” Michael continues, his hand gripping Alex’s thighs as he moves even closer, his body between Alex’s legs. “I want to talk and share and make love and just be together, here and at my airstream. I want lazy mornings and date nights. But when I saw you with Matty, I saw our future cradled in your arms and I’m telling you I want that too. I want a future with you; I want what I have always wanted with you. I want forever.”

Alex stares at him, his eyes wet. “Michaell,” he whispers, and his hands shook as he holds Michael’s face. “Are you sure?”

Michael nods, and Alex lets out a sob before he pulls him into a bruising kiss. They cling to each other as they pour into the kiss. Months, years of longing and love, of hurt feelings, mistakes, and forgiveness in the kiss. There’s a healthy dose of lust there too as Alex opens his mouth and Michael gets to taste that addictive taste that is pure Alex, he chases after it like the addict he is. When they part, there is tear track down both their faces.

“You’re all I want,” Alex whispers, his forehead against Michael. “All I have ever wanted.”

Michael brushes away another tear that slips past Alex’s eyes. “You have me.”

PART 2

[bluboothalassophile]

wow blu! your "The Wife & Ex-Husband" it's really good, very complex and a mess but really good, as always jay with his love for women, but he loves too much women hehe what have you got yourself in, jay? oh this is going to be fun, a little drama but can't wait to see/read the next chap. :))

Hello,

I’m glad you’ve enjoyed the first chapter of Forgot to Love You, I’ve actually got a whole story going for it for the time being so I hope you continue to enjoy it! Here’s the second chapter, also able to be found here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21209576/chapters/50517893

Not Ex-Husband...

Raven survived the rest of her night by the skin of her teeth, which was why she felt so utterly exhausted walking into her hotel room, peeling off her painful heels, and undoing her complicated Viking braids. Dolphin had had a lot of fun with Raven’s hair earlier today and she had just left her friend’s work in place. Gingerly peeling off the loose, soft, skimpy red dress she dropped it to the floor as she walked for her bed, collapsing on it.

Right now she was just immensely happy she hadn’t taken up her uncle’s offer on taking the guest room in his penthouse, she just wanted peace.

Rolling over she stared at the ceiling, pulling her covers up to her chin as she thought about tonight. Specifically her ex-husband was on her mind, it hadn’t been long ago when he had been on her mind last time.

‘So what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?’ he had chuckled, pressing his glass to his bruised cheek.

‘Probably the same thing a place like this is doing in a guy like you,’ she mused.

‘Ooo! A Deadpool fan!’ he mused.

‘Obviously,’ she had laughed gesturing to her shirt; the crude drawing of Deadpool shooting Francis while screaming ‘Where’s Francis!?’

‘Well, love, it’s a pleasure to meet you,’ he offered his hand.

‘Raven,’ she had said as she shook his hand. His lips brushed her bruised and bloodied knuckles.

‘Jason,’ he smiled with his split lip. He was devilishly handsome.

It was only later, she thought bitterly, that she learned he was there trying to get over a heartbreak. His fiancée; Donna; had run off with his best man; Roy Harper, and Raven had watched it on the media. From the safety of her family ranch in New Mexico while she plotted out her next moves.

She had gone to Hawaii to study humpback whales with Garth. She had stayed with the Curry family for two years, and in that time she had mastered surfing, gotten over her heartbreak, lived on a boat, went swimming in the reefs, learned to snorkel, and scuba dive, and got to survive loosing her mom. Lucifer and Maze had been most sympathetic to her plight, but they didn’t know the whole story. Only that she had met a guy in New Zealand, fallen hard and fast for him and it was all a mistake. She had never told them she married the guy, or that she had married him in a drunken haze that she couldn’t remember.

Everyday since she had left was a struggle not to call Jason, not to turn around and go back to ruin his life. Raven couldn’t do that to the man, he was just too good for her. He didn’t even know how good he was, and that was what made it all the more painful in her mind. He didn’t know what she was capable of, or what she’d do, he didn’t know how far she could go to survive or how horrible she could truly be. They were friends, people who just clicked together like old friends, and it had worked. Jason had made her happy, and she knew she’d ruin him if she stayed. She ruined everything afterall.

Her phone buzzed which had her picking it up as she fought her heavy eyes and stared at the simple text from Jason.

-Can we grab some coffee tomorrow? We need to talk.

Simple, neat, to the point. He was always to the point. Raven looked at the clock, wincing at the time then she looked at the text again.

-Can’t do coffee in the morning, how about lunch?

She kicked herself for offering to spend more time with him, after all she was his vacation mistake.

-Sure, still like Thai?

-Yes.

-I got a place, want me to get you?

-Sure. I’m staying at LUX.

-I’ll txt before I come

-ok. Nite.

She dropped her phone before rolling over and staring out her window at the lights of LA. She had no idea why she was doing this. He was the ex-husband! They had parted, on good terms even. Though she supposed he had more questions for her because she had just left him with three things before she had run off.

Closing her eyes she saw that moment when she knew this was all a huge vacation mistake.

She had come rushing down to the lobby on the phone, negotiating with the airlines to get back to Colorado; Durango, where her mom was hospitalized. It had taken her an over a day, with multiple airlines, and her uncle fast tracking her money and getting her shortcuts, to get back stateside. Raven had jogged into the lobby to see him with a woman who looked like a gorgeous model.

The other woman; who she would later learn was Donna Troy, Princess of Greece, sister to the Queen; Diana Prince; was tall, almost as tall as Jason was, long curly black hair, and features of a Greek Goddess. Raven wanted to punch the woman in her stupid face, but knew she couldn’t, especially when the woman grabbed Jason, spun him to her and kissed him. Raven had bolted at that sight; because she knew she couldn’t handle that and she ran for a lawyer. Drawing up the divorce was quick and simple, because she and Jason had shared nothing and nothing was in each other’s name, she also laughed it off as a drunk mistake.

Once all that was taken care of, she had gone to her hotel, he wasn’t there, so she packed up. Leaving him with a brief note, the papers, and the ring she grabbed her bags and ran for the airport with her passport in hand. She had made it to her gate, barely, had her stuff mailed to her and made it to the States in the span of twenty-seven hours. Literally forty hours after she’d gotten the call from her aunt that her mom was in the hospital and her stepfather didn’t think her mom had much time.

~~~*~*~*~~~

Jason stood in his hotel, staring out at the city, smiling a bit at the text Raven had sent him saying night, and slipped it into his pocket.

He had never told anyone, but his grandfather, Alfred, that Raven leaving him had royally pissed him off. And even then, he wasn’t mad at her, he was mad with himself. Raven was, hands down, the best damn thing to ever happen to him at the second worst point in his entire life.

The day he was supposed to get married to Donna Troy, his childhood sweetheart, and first love, she runs into the room he was getting ready and demanded to know how he felt about her. Not the best timing, he got it, but him not giving her an immediate answer had her blurting out everything she felt. They’d been together for so long, even when they had both had wild affairs, or been broken up, that they just landed back together because it’s what everyone expected of them. They were expected of everyone, from around the world, and Donna said that she was tired of it. She wanted to know what they wanted, just them and not what the world wanted of them. Jason didn’t have an answer for that, because he had honestly never thought about it.

Donna Troy was his endgame.

Always had been.

When he was a PJ, when he was Bruce Wayne’s billionaire screw up, when he was the punk teenager, he had never thought about it. Donna Troy was just there, and they were the endgame for each other. Or so he had thought.

She had, in her frustrations and fury, blurted out that she’d been having an affair with his best friend; Roy Harper, for years, and that’s when he had started in on her. The only times he had ever dated anyone else or slept with anyone else was when he was certain they were not together. They both lost their tempers, she ran from the church in her wedding gown, with Roy in hand, and the media had exploded with it.

Jason, in his spiteful fury towards his family and fiancée had taken the honeymoon tickets and taken the trip. Two weeks into his running away attempt he had withdrawn a shit ton of cash, ditched his credit cards, and his former cellphone, taken his private passport, and left with nothing but his go-bag from France, and made his way to Australia. Somehow, and he still wasn’t entirely sure about how, he had landed in New Zealand, and the first night there; in some hole in the wall, divvy pub he had met Raven Rachel Roth.

She was in New Zealand, finishing her exchange program, studying to be a Marine Biologist to work with her best friend; Garth Curry; who was studying orca hunting patterns in New Zealand at the time. She loved to read; probably more than he did, which was a true feat in his mind; she adored New York pizza, rooted for the New York Mets, believed in Magic, loved dogs, and animals as a whole, wanted to help people, and was probably a bigger tea lover than Alfred. He thought her to be the most mesmerizing person he had ever met. She was beautiful, quiet, commanding and classy. She was classy as fuck when she was cursing like a sailor after kicking ass; she might be a pacifist, but she knew how to kick ass when the time called for it.

He found her to be the most interesting person he had ever met, though she was eerily quiet and gentle.

He didn’t know what it was about Raven, but they just clicked, it was like he had known her all his life with how they were. Which was the only reason when he had woken up with a naked Raven in his arms, and a marriage certificate he didn’t remember getting, that he didn’t freak out. While she finished her program, he sorted out his shit, picking up an odd job or two repairing boats, cars, and even a few planes. Raven hadn’t let him move in with her, her dorm was occupied by messy roommates, so he had let her live in his hotel room. He had been contemplating getting a flat so they could stay together and sort their shit out.

Though that all changed in the span of a day.

He’d been walking for his hotel when Donna had materialized in front of him. He had been texting Raven about dinner plans, intending to talk to her about their marriage and the next thing they should do. Her program was coming to a close, and he knew she had family stateside. He wanted her to meet his family, and he wondered if she wanted him to meet hers; she had talked animatedly about them, but also vaguely.

Donna was just standing there, dressed in cream, looking like a classic Greek goddess; not a single curl out of place as her dark eyes assessed him carefully for hints. He didn’t know what to think, brushing her off to try to escape, when she had pleaded to talk with him. Apparently, his family was freaking out because no one could find him, and she had hired a PI to track him down. Jason thought they were all being over dramatic, he was royally pissed, and hurt, and had every damn right to feel that way. Also humiliated, greatly humiliated.

But this was Donna and they were Donna and Jason so he couldn’t blow her off like he wanted to do. However, he would do anything to keep the Princess of Greece away from the woman he loved, because he did not need Donna to attack Raven. He knew she’d do it, Donna had done it to all his other exes in the past; Kara, Isabel, Artemis, Violet, so he wanted her as far away from Raven as he could get her. He’d been shocked when Donna had casually pulled him into a kiss; like muscle memory, but he didn’t kiss her back. Instead he had pushed her away and told her very firmly they weren’t do that again; ever, and if she thought differently, he’d happily escort her to the Greek Embassy and walk away. Jason had no problem walking away from her without talking to her, he had zero problems with it.

Instead they had walked, walked to a different, far more upscale hotel where his father was waiting for him with two of his siblings, and Alfred. Jason wanted to be pissed, he did, especially when he saw Roy, but he couldn’t find it in him to be pissed. He had Raven, and that didn’t make the world better, but it made him alright.

It had taken over a day of interrogation before his family was satisfied, he hadn’t been abducted, but they wanted to meet Raven. By the time he had finally gotten them to come around to the idea that he had made a friend who was not in the service with him, or someone they knew, and got them to want to meet her, she was gone. Hotel concierge had told him she had run out of here with her bags in a hurry for the airport, and that she looked panicked.

Jason had rushed up to their room to find nothing but the divorce papers, a note and the gaudy ring he had gotten her when he was drunk.

He had never felt so terrified as then, she was gone. Like she had never been there. All her things were packed and gone, not a stray piece of clothing or even the socks she’d stuff in between the couch cushions, a hoodie of his was also gone, and he didn’t know if she had done that intentionally or not. But whatever had called her off must’ve been important, because she’d have never left her program without reason. All he had was a note, the divorce papers, and that gaudy ring.

She had laughed at the ring, endlessly laughing and wore it on a chain around her neck, not on her finger; it was too big for her slim hands in her mind. Though she wore thousands of slim rings on her fingers, but not that one. That one was always worn around her neck on a chain. He hadn’t signed the divorce papers, he couldn’t, he didn’t know what went wrong with them to make her actually get them. The papers were straightforward, they had shared no assets, or joined households; they had been two independent people bound by a Catholic Captain; Daniel Cassidy, on a ship for whale watching, into the holy sacrament of marriage. Jason’s mom would’ve skinned him alive if she knew he had the divorce papers; as his mom had been Catholic and didn’t believe in divorce. That’s part of how he had become Bruce Wayne’s son actually.

But she was gone.

Her note was simple, straight to the point, and blunt.

Dear Jason,

Something’s come up, I must go, right now. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do, but I feel this is for the best, it was a delight meeting you and I will always consider you my dearest of friends. But our time has come to an end, and I’m sorry. I wish you all the best. I’ll let you go, so I think it’s best you let me go.

Forever, with Love,

Raven

She had given him every out she thought he would need, but he couldn’t bring himself to sign those papers. Nor could he get rid of the note. He now wore her wedding ring on the chain, under his shirt, he kept her note neatly folded in his wallet, and the divorce papers in a folder in his suitcase; on the off chance they ran into each other and she truly wanted that bloody divorce.

He hadn’t looked for her, though he could easily track Garth down and demand to know where she was. Her line ‘I don’t know what to do’ always struck him as her way of saying she was scared, and she wanted to do this alone, the divorce was so she could do it alone. He wouldn’t file it though, he couldn’t.

With great reluctance he had followed his family back to Gotham. Dick was miffed when Jason bought a Mets mug, though Jason despised the Mets as the eternal rival of the Gotham Knights. Tim thought he was heartbroken over Donna and promptly tried to set him up on several dates with the help of Duke and Stephanie. Cass insisted he was sad and always tried to get him to talk about it. Damian thought he was dramatic and should take Donna back; which had had Jason punching his baby brother in the mouth, because he’d never go back to Donna. Terry, Helena, B Jr., and Tommy mostly thought he had a dark secret and tried to uncover it.

Jason had only told Alfred about Raven, and shown Alfred the photos, the proof that she existed; though she had tried to erase herself from his life pretty damn well. Alfred approved of her, and continuously tried to push him to hunt her down, even after Alfred had read the note. Jason thought Alfred had valid points, but he couldn’t.

Until Australia, he had actively not thought about Raven, until that terrifying call. Much to B’s frustrations, and his family’s fury, he had dropped everything at the drop of a hat and bolted. Alfred and Selina had arranged his flight.

She was gone by the time he got there, nary a trace of her.

It was B’s wife, Selina who had tracked her down and done a casual run in with her to confirm she was alive for him. Selina had run into Raven in Seattle, where she was at the time, dating a man named Garfield Logan, and living with a woman named Rose Wilson. She was alright, and in one piece, Jason had nearly collapsed at the news, but resolved to stay away from her so she could be happy. She was dating someone, she had built another little life for herself, and he wanted her happy.

It was the only time he had considered signing the divorce papers and letting her go fully.

He hadn’t though.

He could never figure out why. He could never get the nerve to call her, to reconnect, nor could he find it in him to sign the bloody divorce papers. He kind of hoped she’d find out and track him down to yell at him, but she hadn’t ever come. Five years and she had never come after him, it unnerved him until tonight.

Setting his drink aside he walked to his bed and sat on it as he thought over Raven and what seeing her had stirred up.

Tomorrow he would talk to her, tomorrow he would tell her they were not divorced and he would beg, on his hands and knees if he had to, beg her for a second chance. He would do whatever she wanted, but he didn’t want to let her go; never again.

Raven cursed God for creating morning, she cursed existence for it, and she cursed her Aunt for calling her about Passover plans, and if she’d make it to Long Island for the celebration with her grandfather and cousins. Raven had barely said sure before hanging up and cursing morning. Coffee was not her normal poison but after last night with Rose, Joe, Kyd, and Slade, she needed it. Glancing at the time she saw that it was almost time for lunch, cursing the existence of family, people, and general morning issues she stumbled into the shower. Once cleaned a bit, she twisted her hair up into a large bun pinned to her head with two heirloom hairpins. Her outfit was her Wright jersey, and jeans before texting her ex-husband she was ready for lunch with him while she sipped her coffee and walked out of LUX. Luci and Maze were not awake yet, so she didn’t have to deal with their interrogation; yet.

Jason texted that he’d be there in fifteen.

She just hummed to herself and sipped her coffee; wishing for the millionth time it was November or October so she could have pumpkin spice flavoring. But alas, it was February and not the time of year for pumpkin flavoring.

Jason pulled up in a black Audi, she got in before he could get the door for her and she sunk into the warm seat. Though she had a leather jacket, and didn’t get cold, she would admit she was exhausted.

“You look like death warmed over,” he remarked which had her glaring at him.

“Do you realize what a pain in the ass, not one, but three bridezillas are!?” she demanded. “I was up until three in the morning just trying to diffuse the flower crisis between Dad, Kyd and Joe! Then Alice calls me at eleven in the morning wanting to know if I’ll be home for Passover.”

“Really?”

“Wherever we’re going better have copious amounts of coffee because after lunch I have to go deal with the tailor.”

“Then I’ll take us someplace else,” he promised. “No Thai.”

“I want this wedding over with!” she whined.

“Could be a shotgun wedding they don’t remember,” he chuckled.

“That’s not going to happen,” she sighed regretfully. She was insanely happy for Joe and Kyd; especially because Joe had been so nervous about coming out as Pansexual, but Slade, Rose, Grant, and her had been prepared to be nothing but supportive; she still had the Pride banners shoved in her closet from the parade she did with Joe and Kyd last year. Though she was miffed at a lesbian trying to get into her pants; that had gotten ugly.

“Well, not everyone can be as fortunate as us,” he teased.

“Everyone else remembers their wedding,” she pointed out. “Also, if my family found out I got married but didn’t have a huge, traditional Jewish wedding, I think they’d perish!”

“You’re Jewish?”

“I love bacon,” she deadpanned.

He laughed. She forgotten how beautiful his laugh was; it wasn’t fair that he got to show up and remind her how beautiful and amazing he was. And it wasn’t fair that she couldn’t have him, Donna Troy was dating him again according to the tabloids; and she hated the Princess for it. But Jason deserved the best, and that was not her.

“Yes, my family is Jewish, my grandfather survived Dachau, his family was set to Auschwitz,” Raven answered.

“Damn, I didn’t know,” he said softly, his hand caught hers and his thumb gently rubbed her knuckles. “My mom was Irish Catholic,” he informed her.

“I bet our wedding would’ve been a riot then,” she decided with a soft laugh.

“Probably,” he chuckled. She withdrew her hand and wrapped it around her warm travel mug. “So the wedding, I didn’t know you had a brother.”

“I have two step brothers, and a step sister,” she answered honestly. “I have an adopted brother, too.”

He nodded as he drove them onto the freeway and started heading north.

“So how’ve you been Jason?”

“Fine, been nonstop work since New Zealand, I’m taking over the West Coast branch, Tim’s taking over the East Coast,” he answered. “I also have some international business I take care of.”

“That’s great.”

“I am just thankful to be moving away from my family finally,” he chuckled.

“You adore them and you know it.”

“That’s not the point, they’re overwhelming, other than Cat and Alfred.”

“Cat and Alfred?”

“Sorry, Selina is B’s second wife, and we call her Cat because she loves cats, and Alfred is kind of our grandfather.”

“Cool.”

“How about you?”

“Well, I move a lot, Garth and I still work together, with my brother Victor,” she answered. “My family gripes a lot that I’m not around enough because we travel all the time, but they get it. They’re supportive, even if that means a lot of Facetime calls.”

“That’s great,” he smiled; she saw it was a genuine smile which had her shyly returning it.

“So what about you? Anyone special?” she asked.

“Special?”

“Dating! I see the tabloids Jay,” she chuckled. “So you and Donna are you rebounding to serious again?” she questioned. She hated asking, mainly cause she still wanted to claw Donna’s eyes out, but the woman was a Princess, she was more than worthy for Jason Todd.

Raven didn’t notice his knuckles whitening on the wheel as they both stared at the road.

“No,” he answered softly. “I will never get serious with Donna again. We’re… we’re just trying to be friends, and it’s not easy,” he admitted.

“Being friends with exes is never easy,” Raven assured him.

“What about you?”

“Me?”

“You know, dating,” he chuckled.

She grimaced remembering her few failed attempts at dating. “No, not really. The last guy I dated had asked me out to make my sister jealous; it worked, they’ve been together for two years. And there’ve been a few dates, here and there, but no sparks or attraction,” she shrugged.

She didn’t notice him relax a little.

“Shame,” he decided neutrally.

“You know what I miss, and I blame you entirely for it,” she asked.

“What?”

“Sex,” she blurted out. He roared with laughter as they sped down the freeway.

“Really!?”

“Before you I had never had sex, because of you I have impossibly high standards for sex that no one will ever be able to meet!” she whined.

“I can solve that,” he offered.

“Maybe,” she shrugged dismissively; it’d never happen. Not with him. He was a galaxy away from her league.

“I missed you Rae,” he chuckled.

“Same,” she admitted with a smile. “So where are we going?”

“A place with sandwiches and coffee,” he promised.

“Oh Thank God,” she moaned. “Sorry, I haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon, and I didn’t get a great nights sleep.”

“No need to explain Rae,” he promised.

“Well, it’s just…” she sighed as she rubbed her brow. This wasn’t about coffee and sandwiches with her ex-husband. “This isn’t just about having lunch with you Jason.”

“I kind of figured.”

“You did?” her head snapped over to study his relaxed profile.

“It’s not just lunch for me either Rae,” he said and looked over at her with a serious, guarded expression.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “For… for everything,” she sighed.

“No,” he said so harshly and firmly she just stared dumbly at him.

“What?”

“You have no reason to be sorry, for any of this,” he said. “You tried to do the right thing, I’m sorry I didn’t come after you five years ago so we could talk, a real talk, about this.”

“I…”

“No, let me say this because you talked last night and I need to say this.”

“Okay.”

“You met me after Donna had left me at the altar and ran off with my best friend, and brother in arms. And you helped me through a truly terrible, humiliating point in my life, and I never thanked you for that. You didn’t push or pry or try to make me feel things I didn’t, or were expect to. You were there, you were my friend, my wife, and I’m sorry I didn’t make you feel valued enough or safe enough to come to me for help when you needed it. I’m sorry you felt the need to run off on your own rather than come to me. And I’m sorry you saw Donna kiss me, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, Jason, it was a vacation mistake,” she shrugged.

“No, it’s not alright, Raven,” he said it firmly. “Donna was the mistake. You were not.”

“She’s the Princess of Greece, Jason, I’m… me, I’m the mistake,” she said confidently. She knew she was the mistake here, no way in a million years he’d have even stuck with her once they got back to reality, and she went trapezing off with Garth and Vic to study the ocean he’d realize what a terrible mistake they were.

“Rae,” he spoke softly and she glanced back at him. “You are the best damn thing that has ever happened to me. And we’re here.”

“I dibs the tuna sandwich,” she warned him as they got out of the car. He got the door for her, she nodded as she passed. He got them a table, it was only after the starstruck waitress left that he turned his attention back on her.

“Tuna is all mine,” he decided.

“That’s declaring war,” she warned.

“Perhaps,” he shrugged.

“How about we split two sandwiches, I’ll give you half my tuna for the crabcake!”

“Deal!”

“Excellent,” she chuckled. “And Jason, just so you know, you don’t have to lie to make me feel better about us.”

“I’m not lying,” he said.

“Sure you’re not.” She snorted and smiled as she put the menu aside and sipped her coffee. She still wanted pumpkin spice, she cursed autumn for being so far away.

“Rae, you and I, it was the best damn thing to happen to me,” he stated it firmly.

“You are surprisingly happy about us for an ex-husband, are you all this way or just you exclusively?”

“Well, it’s not an ex-husband thing, because that’s kind of what we’re here to talk about,” he said.

“How is it not an ex-husband thing?”

“Kind of like how this isn’t an ex-wife meeting,” he answered. “I never signed the papers Raven.”

She felt all the blood drain from her face as the waitress came over to take their order. He placed the order and waited for her to respond.

“You… you what!?” she sputtered dumbly.

“Never signed them, Rae,” he answered. “So technically, we’re husband and wife.”

“But… but…” she stammered dumbly not knowing what to say to that. “I… WHY!?” she hissed.

“Because,” he answered.

“That’s not a reason to stay married to a person Jason! Especially when I’ve tried dating other people!” she hissed. She was so going to Hell for adultery now.

“No, you didn’t know,” he answered. “But I couldn’t sign them or file them.”

“You should! You should right now!” she insisted.

“No,” he repeated calmly.

“Jason!” she hissed.

“Raven.”

“This is SERIOUS! If you don’t sign those papers, and people find out that… and… we’ll, the media will crucify you! And your family will join them!” she hissed.

“Let them,” he shrugged. “I was serious Rae.”

“I don’t even remember us getting married!”

“Neither do I, but nonetheless, we are,” he said levelly.

She groaned as she hid her face in her hands and wanted to tear her hair out of her head in frustration now.

“Rae, love, look at me,” he pleaded. She glared at him through the fringes of hair now cascading around her face. Oh she was pissed, the hardest thing she had ever had to do, even harder than saying goodbye to her mother or watching her family fall apart because of her biological father, was saying goodbye to the man she had married. And worse, she had known it was the right thing to do. Drunken mistakes should not be consequences for life, and she had been able to fix theirs with a simple divorce!

“I’m… I fixed our mistake! I did everything to fix it!” she snapped.

“I couldn’t sign the papers because I never could view it as a mistake,” he answered levelly. “And if you’re willing, I would like to try again.”

“Oh no,” she gasped. She could feel her chest tightening in panic, as her heart slammed in her ribs. “No. I… No, I can’t do this, no.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a mistake Jason!” she snapped. “I’m a mistake and this marriage between us, only happened because we were drunk off our asses and, on a boat, somehow; and I still don’t know how we got on the boat because the last thing I remember is the pub! Also, you’re… you were, are, engaged to a Princess, how the hell can I compete with that! You’re American Royalty, Jason! Your Dad is the richest man in the world, and I… I’m me!” she sputtered.

“You loved me when you thought I was just Jason Todd, mechanic,” he pointed out.

“This isn’t about the money Jason,” she sighed.

“Then what’s it about?”

“You deserve better than me,” she stated.

“I think it’s the other way around love,” he said softly. “The day you left, the day Donna came to take me home, I was coming home to you, to talk to you about us getting a flat, and seeing where you wanted to go from New Zealand. If Donna hadn’t intercepted me, I’d have come back with you, immediately, no questions asked, no expectations. You’re my wife Raven.”

“Doesn’t mean we should be together!” she snapped.

“I think you and I got married for a reason, drunk or not, and I think we should give this a real shot,” he said firmly.

“Jason…”

“I would have called you five years ago if I wasn’t so damn scared, or hurt, and I would’ve come for you immediately, always regretted that I didn’t. So please, please, I’ll do anything for a second shot with you,” he said softly.

“Jason, sign the papers,” she pleaded. “You’ll… you deserve to be happy; I don’t make people happy.”

“How about, we date, try dating, and if it doesn’t work out, I’ll sign the papers,” he bartered.

Raven stared at him; she didn’t know what to make of that.

“A date?”

“Can’t a man ask his wife on a date?”

“I…”

“We didn’t do the whole dating thing the first time around, and I would like to remedee that this time,” he said levelly.

“We skipped straight to the marriage, and wild sex,” she muttered as they were served. They both waited for the waitress to leaven before she automatically swiped half his sandwich and he took half of hers.

“I missed the sex too,” he chuckled. “You broke my standards, no one else compares.”

“Oh Thank God That’s Ruined For You Too,” she laughed as she took a bite of her tuna sandwich.

“You ruined many things Rae, like tea, I still can’t figure out how you made that one tea to make me sleep, but I can’t remake it for the life of me. I’ve almost cried craving it,” he chuckled.

“You ruined waffles for me,” she warned. “I mean no one can make them right, I cried on my kitchen floor one morning I wanted them so badly. The chocolate chip ones with strawberries,” she moaned at the mere memory.

“Good book conversations,” he stated. “I joined a book club I was so desperate to talk books, intelligently, turns out that was mostly a gossip group; all four of the ones I joined.”

“Ha!” she stuck her tongue out at him for that, he had told them to join a book club when they had first married and enjoyed talking books. “I told you they weren’t what you thought!”

“Some of them must be actual book clubs but I haven’t found one.”

“Could be because you’re Jason Todd.”

“Very possible.”

“But we don’t have to be married to do things like that, I can give you the tea recipe and we can be friends who talk books,” she offered.

“Rae, it’s not just about that,” he chuckled.

“Sure it is, I’ll be your friend, but I don’t think I should be your wife,” she said firmly.

“Little bird, I’m not divorcing you, besides you need to keep the insurance,” he said firmly.

“About that, I should pay you back.”

“Don’t you dare,” he warned lowly. She stared at his fierce, guarded expression. “And don’t even think about changing me from your emergency contact!”

~~~*~*~*~~~

He didn’t want her to pay him back for taking care of her, she would never understand how much she had taken care of him. And when she brought it up it reminded him how neatly she had erased herself from his life, how she had promised to remove him as her emergency contact. That had actually been a fight between them when they were barely friends. A bar fight landed him in the hospital, and he had to call someone, apparently, they were going to call his grandfather when he convinced them to call the girl he had hooked up with the night before, Raven. Raven had been shocked but had come to help him get discharged, and the ensuing arguments had led to them agreeing to be each other’s emergency contact while they were in New Zealand. The wedding had happened after that by about a week.

“I…”

“You terrified me, Rae,” he stated. “I came back to the hotel room and everything of you was gone, including our photos. You just… you erased yourself from my life, and I swear I couldn’t take it if you removed me as your emergency contact. I’m your husband, I deserve to know if you’re in trouble.”

“Ex-husband.”

“I haven’t signed the papers, and they’re safely hidden away so you can’t make me,” he pointed out. He felt a bit smug about that statement as she glared at him.

“I signed them!”

“I know, and it still terrifies me that you could do it so easily,” he stated. He saw her flinch, and he knew. Just one look at her and he knew, that it hadn’t been easy for her. None of this was easy, but he got the sense that this was also his fault for waiting five years. He hadn’t lost her yet, but he got a feeling that he was precariously close to if he wasn’t careful. There was very little about her, what made her make her decisions, that he actually knew and if he wasn’t careful he knew he could lose her. She already seemed to hold a low opinion of her value, and she seemed skittish about having someone in her life who wasn’t family. Though the skittish aspect of her was always there, if he moved to quickly, or raised his voice a certain amount she’d jump, she’d flinch, and he remembered her nightmares, though very few, were very intense. Something had happened to her, before he had met her, something that made her skittish; made her this way, and he should’ve chased her five years ago to not let it manifest further, but he hadn’t. Things to add to his list of regrets.

“I did what I thought was best, for us, as people in a situation we didn’t sign up for.”

“I have a marriage certificate that says we did sign up for this.”

“Jason, I… I’m not the best person for someone like you,” she started.

“I think you’re the best person I’ve ever met, Raven.”

“Jason…” she sighed as she dragged her hand through her hair.

“Can you please just consider giving us a shot, a real shot?” he asked.

“I…”

“I would like to take you, not my guilt stricken wife, out,” he reiterated it. “I would like to take you out.”

“Like a hit or a date?”

“I’ll leave that to be a surprise.”

“I don’t like surprises,” she muttered.

“Well, then we’re a hell of a surprise,” he mused. “Please Rae. I would like to take my beautiful, estranged wife out on a date, have fun, and no expectations.”

“I gave you the divorce papers so we wouldn’t have expectations.”

“You gave us an out, and I’m not out yet,” he said levelly.

“Fine,” she threw up her hands in defeat. “I’ll go on a date with my idiotic ex-husband.”

He smiled in triumph and stole one of her fries.

“HEY! Hands off!” she snapped as she snatched her fry basket up.

“We’re married, we’re supposed to share.”

“Only until you sign those damn papers!”

“Never,” he chuckled. “So when are you free from family and wedding obligations?”

“You are not going to my brother’s wedding, just so we’re clear about this. You are not going,” she stated that firmly. There was a bit of hurt in his heart that she wasn’t even going to offer it as an option, but he was sure that in time he’d win her over. Doing so at her brother’s wedding was likely too much pressure, and would require them explaining that they were married; which he didn’t know if her family would take that well. Going off Lucifer’s reaction he would bet they didn’t even know.

“That’s fine,” he nodded.

“I’m free after the wedding. The wedding is February fourteenth,” she sighed.

“So can I take you for dinner on February fifteenth?” he asked levelly.

“Fine,” she nodded. “But I’m leaving with Garth and Dolphin on the twentieth, we’re meeting up with Vic on a job.”

“Where’s the job?”

“We’re going back to Hawaii to research reefs. Garth’s family is there and they want to be close to his family,” she shrugged.

“I thought he studied whales.”

“Well, he’s a marine biologist, there’s a solid job for him in Hawaii, same for me, and Vic’s already there, so we’re going there. Dolphin also…” she clamped her mouth shut then.

“Also what?”

“She’s pregnant, she wants to be close to his family, but I’m not supposed to tell anyone that!” she muttered.

“Congratulations to Dolphin and Garth.”

“They’re excited, I’m telling my family I’m leaving after the wedding,” she said.

He nodded, he was already trying to calculate if he could afford to head of to Hawaii for a bit to continue wooing his reluctant wife.

“I’m still going to call and text you,” he informed her.

“You don’t have to.”

“We’re friends, it’s about time we act it. And we’re husband and wife.”

“Fine.” She rolled her eyes, and he smiled; this was going to take a lot of work. That was fine by him though.

[fineillsignup]

Clouds and Rain: a (snarky) Character Index

I lured @math-is-magic​ into trying to read Clouds and Rain despite no prior knowledge of the Three Kingdoms era generally and she professed being impressed at how, long long ago when I read Romance of the Three Kingdoms for the first time, I made my own character glossary to keep track of who is who.

CAVEAT LECTOR: Historically accurate only to the degree that it pleases my pedantry. Departs from Dynasty Warriors in some key areas. Limited to characters that have (so far) appeared in the story directly.

Wu aka Sun Wu - Jiangdong - The Southlands

Colour Scheme? Red Animal Motif? Tiger Part of China? Southeast third, from the Yangtze (more or less) down, west about halfway. Heat, rivers, pirates, rice, fish. Motivation? Bonds Hearts? ON FIRE Enemy Camps? ALSO ON FIRE

Sun Quan, ruler of Wu, style name Zhongmou: Wow, who died and left this loser to rule? Well, that’s the problem, everybody died and left this loser to rule. Ever so slightly neurotic. *coughs* Kind of my problematic fave. Thinks everybody in Shu is out to get him. (Everybody in Shu IS out to get him.) Lianshi: Technically she ought to be Lady Bu but since Dynasty Warriors didn’t bother neither did I. Former lady-in-waiting to Sun Quan’s sister, nicest woman you’ll ever meet, Sun Quan is her problematic fave. Big ol’ tiddies. Lu Xun, Wu chancellor, style name Boyan: OUR HERO. 92.3% perfect gentleman and Confucian af. Gan Ning, Wu officer: Adorable kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day. Former pirate, semi-reformed psychopath. WEARS BELLS, it’s his thing. Used to be in the employ of another army, during which time he kinda sorta killed the father of... Ling Tong, Wu officer: Rich kid who made good in his own right. Wanted to kill Gan Ning for a long time (in revenge for his father’s death) but has mostly gotten over it and now they are best frenemies. (Note to history buffs: just GET OUT of here with your FACTS.) Shield of laziness and apathy. “I don’t care,” says Ling Tong, caringly, as he cares deeply. Zhou Tai, Wu officer: Sun Quan’s personal bodyguard. Former pirate. Tall, dark, and... scarred. Well, two out of three isn’t bad. The strong silent type. Zhu Ran, Wu officer: Lu Xun used to be Wu’s pyromaniac character. Then they introduced Zhu Ran to be the pyromaniac and actually made Lu Xun well-rounded, and Zhu Ran is slightly bitter about it. Also a Rich Kid. (Is Wu’s army all rich kids and pirates???? MAYBE.) Ding Feng, Wu officer: One-note character who looks like Frankenstein’s monster and writes poetry. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Han Dang, Wu officer: One-note character who doesn’t want to be forgotten. Forget about him. Sun Shangxiang: Sun Quan’s younger sister, famous/infamous for being wild about martial arts and just generally wild. Arranged married to... (hold this thought...)

Shu aka Shu Han

Colour scheme? Green Animal motif? Dragon Part of China? At this point, the west-southwest. Smallest/least prosperous. Motivation? BENEVOLENCE Really? YES OF COURSE, BENEVOLENCE AND ONLY BENEVOLENCE. Pay no attention to the man behind the crane fan. What’s benevolence? 仁 Ren. Confucius says... no, come back, this isn’t a joke! Confucius really does say! Confucius says: Now the man of perfect virtue, wishing to be established himself, seeks also to establish others; wishing to be enlarged himself, he seeks also to enlarge others. What’s that guy doing over there behind the crane fan? NOTHING!!

Liu Bei, ruler of Shu: He was arranged married to Sun Shangxiang! (I hope you didn’t hurt yourself holding that thought.) Tenuously related to the imperial family but grew up poor af. Charismatic as hell. Wants to tell you the Good News about Benevolence. Liu Shan, crown prince, aka A-Dou: Unspecified, serious intellectual disability. Bears zero resemblance to the Dynasty Warriors version. Affectionate, gentle young man. Gets along really well with Zhao Yun and Sun Shangxiang. Zhuge Liang, prime minister of Shu, chief strategist, style name Kongming, Taoist name Crouching Dragon: The smuggest of snakes. He has a crane fan and he isn’t afraid to use it. Likes: his wife, his lord, his plans, sex magic, being an asshole. "I meant to do that,” he whispers, calmly, while falling at terminal velocity into a pit of vipers. Yueying aka Lady Huang, inventor: Zhuge Liang’s wife. Unspecified not neurotypical. Likes: machines, her husband. Dislikes: people, distractions, social cues. Very little resemblance to Dynasty Warriors character. Zhang Fei, Shu officer: Liu Bei’s sworn brother dating back to when they all weren’t shit, along with the dead Guan Yu. Designated youngest brothers because in Chinese culture it is Absolutely Vital We Know Who Is Older. Big, burly, loveable drunk. (Again, do NOT confuse me with the facts.) Zhang Bao, Shu officer: Zhang Fei’s son. Young and unproven and determined.  Grew up with Guan Yu’s children as pseudo-cousins. Xingcai aka Lady Zhang, Shu officer: Zhang Fei’s younger child. Xingcai is not here to make friends or play games. Xingcai is here to win. Unfortunately for Xingcai, her society dictates that ladylike behaviour means making friends and playing (diplomatic) games, not winning (on the battlefield). Guan Xing, Shu officer: The oldest natural child of Guan Yu. Honour, righteousness, honour, honour, rules, benevolence, honour, rules, and honour. Guan Suo, Shu officer: Youngest son of Guan Yu. In the wake of his father’s death, passive and disheartened. Guan Yinping: Youngest child of Guan Yu. Our heroine! Strong, sweet, determined, and genuine. Zhao Yun, Shu officer: One of Liu Bei’s first and best recruits to his cause. Famous for having single-handedly rescued Liu Shan as a baby while they were fleeing Cao Cao, fighting with the infant on his back. Madam Zhao aka Yunlu aka Lulu: Zhao Yun’s much younger wife, the sister of another officer in Shu, for some mysterious reason her identity is a (badly kept) secret, WHO could she POSSIBLY be? (People who know the answer: shhhhh.) Ma Chao, “the Splendid”: A multi-ethnic officer of Shu who joined because of wanting revenge against Cao Cao for the massacre of his clan. Yes, Ma Chao is Shu’s Sasuke. Catchphrase: JUSTICE. Ma Dai, “the guy who hangs out with Ma Chao”: Ma Chao’s cousin, trails along after Ma Chao trying to keep him from getting himself justiced to death. Wears the only non-stupid hat in Dynasty Warriors. An artist and a joker. Wei Yan, Shu officer: Speaks... like... this... why?... Unclear... maybe... head... injury...

Wei aka Cao Wei

Colour scheme? Blue Animal motif? Phoenix Part of China? The entire north, from the coast to the west, including the cities with the strongest claim to be imperial capital in that time. Motivation? Ambition and power Isn’t that slightly evil? I mean, not necessarily, but they’re the antagonists so in fact yes. So they don’t get the same revisionism deal as the other two kingdoms? Nope. Is that fair? Nope! Show me on the map where I store my fucks.

Cao Pi, ruler and self-proclaimed emperor: I genuinely have a grievance against the historical guy but he was no worse than most of the rest of the people here. But in this story, the fictional Cao Pi is a supreme douchebag. Zhenji, empress: Too good for Cao Pi and this world. Don’t mistake my meaning; also kind of a bitch. A perfect bitch whom I would die for. Sima Yi, Wei prime minister: Genius strategist. Did not even originally want to join the Ambition Kingdom, but has caught the spirit in a big way now. Zhang Chunhua: Sima Yi’s wife, pulls the strings, literally. Thinks all problems can be solved with enough murders. Don’t think I’m saying she’s a bitch and I don’t like her. She’s a bitch, and I like her so much. Zhang He, Wei officer: Could host Queer Eye for the Third Century Guy. Floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee. Came to Wei from the same place as Zhenji and they are besties. Li Dian, Wei officer: Has a gut sense about things which is always right, unfortunately doesn’t stop things from happening, poor babe. A nice guy. Yue Jin, Wei officer: Smol and insecure about it, despite the fact that he could fuck you up. He can fuck anyone up. He can fuck himself up. BFF with Li Dian. Also a nice guy. Wang Yi, Wei officer: Hey remember how Cao Cao killed Ma Chao’s entire clan? Well while Ma Chao was attempting to get his revenge against Cao Cao, he whoopsy-doodle massacred Wang Yi’s entire clan. Now Wang Yi dreams of dancing with Ma Chao’s severed head in the moonlight. Xu Shu, Wei officer: Sad man who got tricked into leaving Shu because he loves his mama. Tries his best and deserved none of this. Jia Xu, Wei strategist: Loyal only to himself and shrewd, was an enemy strategist who came very near to killing Cao Cao at one time, but accepted being hired by him when he was captured. Does believe in doing his best.

And (I think) that’s everybody! Whee! I hope all three of you who read this enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

[ramblingshit]

Jane Eyre - 1997 - 4/5

Rochester: Drama Baby Version.

dude he's so obvious with his love and intent for her to be his bride but because he's indirect and she can't imagine that he could possibly mean her she's like well fuck off then mate leave me to my broken heart and he's all wtf ooooooh damn i can work with this ey welcome to jealousy miss eyre, omg his every look and word is literally an 'i love you' he's so confused ahahaha grumpy affff when janes off to see reed. he's so mad 'can you explain the 28 day week to me', all sulking on a wall and surprising her as she enters the grounds like what a drama queen, so sulkily angry as he's convinced she hasn't even thought or worried of him while she's been away; first time she admits she'll miss him even though its his plan to tear the truth of whether she loves him he is so momentarily stunned and affected by it before he gathers himself and moves on with yet again another round the fence declaration; all that fuckin talk of being direct and honest and now she's yelling at him and these mutherfuckers are gonna have some wild sex goddamn they're so passionate in anger and outrage and love and excitement - she's like o no let go of me you don't love me and he just goes in for the fkn kiss like bitch YOU THOUGHT, shes gonna eat his hair goddamn the sex is gonna be next level. throwing himself head-first into his love for her, loving and spoiling and being as intimate as appropriately possible, literally tells her blanche was a tool to make jane jealous and she's fkn overjoyed to hear he didn't like the pretty intelligent lady, arguing about her veil and he keeps trying to override her askance for plain and simple 'i'll get married in this if you continue' she snaps fucking eyyyyyyy take him by the balls m8, they're disgustingly sentimental for each other omg seriously its sickening they're fucking each other with their eyes, they fkn adore each other the chemistry is reaaaaaal, dramatic reaction shots the wedding band falls to the ground omg he's ALREAD Y MARRIED AHHHHH Mason nooo oh all the servants are here on this one whoops, dramatic NOOOOOOOOOOOO from rochester this is amazing WIFE?????? The DRAMA he STEPPED On the RING on the way to the house so awkward Mrs Fairfax was right to be nervous - he's ripping Jane's arm off dragging her along everyone is out of breath and confused - damn its actually a really cool set up, her room giant pillows nailed to the wall; all gypsy like, she's got hella tits damn bertha she mad as fuck, Jane's standing there in a veil as long as she is tall, all white and perfect and Mrs Fairfax beautiful lady she is is holding Jane while Rochester rages and rants and breaks this is such drama my dude exposition is strong with this movie - BIGAMYYYYY - for the first time they stand together and you can SEE the wall between them, he kissed Bertha on the head and holds her as he glares at everyone, then he just storms out without even looking at Jane, Fairfax is distraught for Jane damn son who needs a mum when you got a housekeeper. he's sitting outside she's got bags like bye doesn't even look at him what a powerplay he's storming after her tryna get a reaction acting like a little boy having a tantrum scared and angry HE just pitched her bag down the stairs yelling in her face she didn't love him she just wanted to be mrs rochester to have thornfield the raaaaage and she's ice cold man like fire and ice this is fkn great you thought he was loud before just wait my dude he just keeps insulting her like that's gonna work calling her a spoiled child lolol look in a mirror my dude, she won't even look at him - he is a fucking drama queen. and now he getting mad lolol. selfish prick the drama. he's so heartbroken and angry - OH MR ROCHESTER IS IT. he used to be able to yell over her but no more she just keeps talking and it overrides him.  I COULD NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JANE FAM. omg the chemistry 'you have a wife you belong to another' 'I BELONG TO YOU AND YOU BELONG TO ME WE ARE ONE SOUL' holy fuck how many romances can hit this hard 'help me to be strong' 'i need you... say you want me!' she's so moral and conscientious 'i am worth more than that.' ohhhhhhhhhh he just told her to GOO fuuuuuuuuuckkk she's gonna die - now he's regretting it and angryyyyyy. damn. DAMN. now she's suicidal and just sleeping on the ground sniffing the floor poor and homeless whoops and freezing. silly bish. shoulda stayed at ol mate's house. whoops she flopped over. this stjohn is like grecian and perfect but that look is 100% not attractive to me and he's creeping on her as she sleeps and rests he's looking at her too intimately. fuck jumping in time here months at a time its all a bit awkward - 'ive watched you carefully these last months' well that's fucking creepy. literally zero chemistry i love it. ciarans been off screen for like 5 minutes and im immediately bored and missing him. where is my drama baby. WIFE?? outrage and anger her eyes are fire and as he proposed she like stopped listening and started hearing edward's declarations instead.  'i am confused. my heart won't speak to me' 'then i will speak for it!' starts hallucinating rochester's voice calling for her lmao so dramatic 'Edward I am coming!!' Stjohn is like wtffff bye crazy. she all desperate running through teh fields dramatically but OH no the house is like non-existent. she's panting horrified can't even cope as she heard the story - she's not been anywhere near this passionately dishevelled and distressed the entire movie. I love Mrs Fairfax she's such an anxious mother. the dramaaaaa she promises to take care of him and he's like NAH FUCK THAT I WANNA FUCK he thinks she's pitying him he's so mad and embarrassed and upset 'SO YOU DIDN'T FIND A HUSBAND THEN'  'i found someone who wanted to marry me' he looks like he wants to shit a brick and set fire to the house and push the nuke button while flinging himself off a cliff - now she's laying on the jealousy he put on her with ingram. the drama he's tryna send her off because he's so embarrassed. she's passionate and certain - i will never leave your side again. nawwwww his tearsssssssss 'You are not your wounds!' 'you are everything that matters in teh world to me, edward.' he's sobbing i'm sobbing everyone's crying omgggggg this is so beautiful i love ciaran hinds she looks like she's having an orgasm just hugging him fuckin damn. nawwww happy families, she's lively and pretty and they have two kids and he's got sight in one eye and they LOVE EACH OTHER HAPPILY EVER AFTER MUTHAFUCKER YEEESSSSSSSS literally amazing I love this version.

...

Rochester:

commanding, calculating, loud, highly observant, fluent in many languages, very forward, playful, wants to always know what everyone's doing or thinking, self-deprecating, direct, like to sit in the drawing room and drink after dinner, asks by way of command - do this and its done, domineering, likes people to answer his queries directly and honestly and gets irritated immediately when they do not, enthusiastic and animated and passionate, not into secrets - will share his deepest and saddest and darkest tales with anyone remotely intimate with him, brutally honest but completely without intention to harm or offend, heavy sleeper, loves her pretty much by their first conversation, eyes light up his face make him look younger and brighter, lays it on too thick too fast, love is all-encompassing, the moment she pulls away he's off to lay on the jealousy and envy from Jane upon him and his lady friends who he doesn't give a shit about, deeply sarcastic, proud, superior, moody, sulky and childish bastard i love him its so pathetic and cute she's got so much power over him that he pretends she doesn't have, happy to lie by omission, won't let her storm off angrily - they'll keep talking until things calm between them and then they'll part, talks in riddles then gets frustrated when people don't understand him, selfish, jealous of anyone getting her attention but him, likes to torment her when he's angry, the law unto himself, jubilant in love with her, they dance together without music, entirely emotionally dependent on her love and affection - unhealthy relationship eyyy

hears a noise behind a door and as she leans to look the door opens and she silently moves with it, hiding behind it back against the wall as the entity enters and then leaves without seeing her - the door closes and she is frozen behind it and against the wall for a long few moments before bursting into action.

watch the sunrise together - so distracted by an argument that they miss it

"lets not argue then, lets shake hands and be friends'

woman in long white lace veil twitching out in front of the moonlit window, just a fkn creepy ass silhouette

[smollandtoll]

HC: 5Hole

TW: this headcanon mentions other people in the NHL including certain Blackhawks and Capitals you might not want to read about. You can skip this one and won’t hurt our feelings OR just read until you get to the section divider that indicates the rest of our HC that doesn’t particularly involve just Sid/Geno.

Have you ever listened to Ariana Grande in the shower and immediately come out with an entire head canon about a Gay Hockey Bar called 5Hole? No? Just me?

So imagine Mario owns this establishment of course and Sid works there as a bartender. He’s perpetually single, mostly because he is super awkward, but also a little because his lower half is always behind the bar. There’s also the fact that he’s hopelessly in love with a regular named Geno and no one wants to get in the middle of whatever epic romance they’re figuring out together.

Geno’s story goes something like: he tried to work at 5hole, but was literally always late, and drank too much while on shift, and was generally the worst bartender because he'd get distracted flirting with patrons instead of y'know working. So he turned into a regular, and is ALWAYS dating someone new/constantly with a boyfriend. Cue Sid being like terribly in love with him from afar for 8 years.

We love a pining Sid - meanwhile Geno’s like, “Sid's good friend! Very cute boy. Weird little bit, but fun to chirp. Flirt with Sid all the time. He never show any interest.” See why no one wants to get in the middle of that? Besides you never know if Sid’s going to do something to one of Geno’s date’s drinks. Like he hasn’t so far, because he’s Sid, but sometimes he looks long and hard at the way they giggle up at Geno from under his arm and takes a really long time to set their drink down on the bar. Anyway Geno's busy having a great time and being young and a mess and missing his family so fiercely he doesn't even think his heart is capable of love any more it's so broken, y’know casual. So he's not looking, not even thinking to look back at Sid because sometimes someone just doesn’t register as a prospect.

Meanwhile Geno is like so scary to Sid, like he's so bright and bold and fearless and like he's got so much drama, with all the people in his life and like the on again off again friendship with Ovi and all the other shit, the Russian politics, the constant internal struggle against self-hatred. He’s always in and out of the bar, always laughing brightly at someone pretty or giving his friends shit and then turning his smile on Sid, and Sid just can’t help but be so drawn to him. Geno is so much, and Sid is so little, he doesn’t think he could compare at all, he doesn’t have deep thoughts or an interesting background, he’s not sexy or silly or fun or any of the other things Geno seems to look for in a date.  

He definitely wouldn't know what to do even if some miracle happened and he managed to capture Geno’s affection and attention. To always have the weight of Geno's gaze and possessiveness on him? Like it'd be so nice, but also when he flirts even just a little, Sid always FREEZES. It's been years and he still doesn't know how to handle it. So he’s writing himself off.

But other than the Geno drama, Sid actually really likes being a bartender. It suits him because he can’t flirt (that well) but he can quickly and efficiently prepare drinks when it’s busy af and it’s easy for him to stay low-key and focused. He’s actually the best, he's quick, his eyes never miss anything (he's definitely caught a few doctored drinks), he remembers an infinite amount of orders, he's clean, he's no nonsense, and he's pretty enough to make really decent tips when he smiles even if he can’t flirt worth a damn.

Mario is definitely grooming him to take the bar over - sending him to business school, letting him stay with him indefinitely (this is definitely one of those stories where Sid was like wayward, but not in a terrible way, just a little at loose ends and in need of a decent paying job and Mario swoops in with all the experience and convenient answers). (At this point we got deeply excited by possibilities of other people in this universe and our adorable Sid/Geno plot went off the rails. We just have so many faves, guys!)

Other things about the bar/patrons (stop reading here if you don’t want other people):

Mario is one of those old gays that realized late in life that they COULD be gay, like long after they had a wife and four kids and a career and things. Mario's “one that got away” was probably Gretzky (like, okay, in retrospect, I was in love with him and very in denial about it) and Jagr was probably a young coworker that got along well with him and occasionally experienced a tension-laden moment at a conference or two after a few drinks and was DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH HIM despite Mario explicitly saying "BACK OFF I'M VERY HETERO AND HAVE A WIFE AND BABIES I LOVE." But you know how it is when someone is in so much denial about who they actually are, and Jagr knew, he KNEW. But he also wasn’t self sacrificing enough to stick around waiting only to get burnt over and over while Mario always prioritised his wife.

Basically in this universe, NHL = gay(/bi/pan/poly/aro/ace/various other QUILTBAG abbreviations/occasionally straight because they can’t ALL be gay but like just most of them!). There are a lot of regulars at this bar, and they float in little interest groups and cliques depending on who is dating who and who has what in common - you know like real life. Here are some of the groups and what we think about them.

Jonathan Toews is the other bartender who works in tandem with Sid, because we just imagine this being a super Canadian bar. Jonny is hot and serious and deadpan and if Sid’s the shy (but incredibly competent) one with a great smile then Jonny is the intimidatingly tall and hot one. Regular bar patrons occasionally give guys the DL on the Sid <3 Geno situation - if someone is interested in wooing Geno feel free to hit on him, make out with him, but they usually get warned to grab their drinks from Tazer.  

Patrick Kane is one of those self hating gay dudes who comes to the bar to pick up and fuck in the bathroom and then goes back to saying f slurs with his finance bros. He’s probably very angsty and Tazer probably serves him a lot of water and stern looks.

Jamie Benn is one of those gay boys that has no style and doesn't know how to be gay at all. Sid feels for him deeply when he first starts coming in with just the solidarity of his straight brother who kind of abandons him to hustle at pool and watch hockey (hockey is always playing at 5Hole). Tyler Seguin probably swoops in early, takes him for haircuts and makeovers and long late-night heart-to-hearts they pretend are just bro-chats but no one is surprised when it turns out they’re secretly in love with each other.

Flower and Tanger are in some kind of open or poly relationship. As far as Sid can tell, Flower is married to a woman, but a couple times a month he and Tanger come to 5Hole and Tanger goes off to pick up a third guy for Flower’s inspection while Flower shoots the shit with Sid at the bar.

Phil Kessel genuinely comes in for the beer and the hockey and to not hear gay slurs while enjoying them. At first Sid thought maybe he was in the wrong bar and tried to warn him they weren’t a normal hockey bar, but Phil didn’t even look up from the beer menu and scathingly told Sid that he didn’t have his rainbow ID card with him that day, his apologies. After a while they all got used to him being gruff at the bar, focused on the TV more than the company, but still getting hit on relentlessly by like Hags. Phil usually tells him "SURE KID WHATEVER. YOU'RE TOO PRETTY FOR THE LIKES OF ME, MOVE ON." But Hags likes him, and thinks he’s cute and is slowly eroding Phil’s disbelief. Phil deserves love too.

Whenever Hags feels like he’s starting to cross the border into being harassing however it’s okay, he pays for Phil’s drink and then retreats to the corner that is occupied by mostly blonde swedes. Taken into Horny’s open (usually bare and glistening) arms, hair ruffled by Erik Karlsson.

The rest of the Swedes are a small contingent and insanely hot. They usually all break into their individual cliques and return every so often to Nicklas Backstrom’s table where he watches over them all with a stony expression of love, and makes sure the babies don’t get drugged (looking at you Willy Nylander).

There is a similar table of Loud Hot Russians, that is mostly lead by Ovi, and, depending on where their on and off friendship is at, Geno. But obviously Ovi is always like "SID! NICKY HERE?" literally any time he comes in. Ovi is just SMITTEN from the beginning, loving that beautiful impassive man, seeing the WARMTH WITHIN NICKY knowing he NEEDS OVI'S JOVIAL NATURE IN HIS LIFE. Whenever he can say something that gets Nicky to smile it’s 100% worth all his scathing looks and comments and he drunkenly pledges that he’s going to spend the rest of his life trying to make Nicky smile as much as possible. Nicky thinks he’s certifiably insane, but eventually caves and starts hesitantly dating him, and they are definitely instantly the new old married couple at the bar. And then all the Russians and Swedes get strangely intermixed a lot. Geno and Horny being brothers etc.

The Bi Guy club is mostly just Tyler Seguin, Paul Bissonnette talking shit and giggling in a corner and occasionally leaving 5Hole to pick up down the street at the straight club.

IF ANYONE was gonna be part of the drag act that comes in on the first Friday of the month it'd be PK and his Predators. Roman Josi in drag would be so beautiful. Baby gays Kevin and Juuse, longtime queens Pekka and Shea (#denial). Those Preds are so pretty.

Johnny Hockey would be that twinky kid who is like actually maybe too afraid to have sex yet but acting all mature and like he can handle it but he's sEEN SOME FUCKED UP PORN, HE KNOWS ASSHOLES CAN JUST RIP AND HE'S SMALL he's just ANXIOUS. It doesn’t help that he’s deeply hung up on Sean Monahan who runs in the Fuck Boy circle with Tyler Seguin, Tom Wilson, Michael Latta, and Brady Skjei. He is afeared. It’s okay though, Jeff Skinner, and Beau Bennet comfort him and take in Mitch Marner when he wanders in on his 18th birthday.

There’s definitely a kind of low self-esteem but thicc as hell club? President Tyson Barrie, VP Nate Mac, Treasurer Jamie Benn. THEY ARE ALL SO SHY AND WEIRD BUT SO JACKED AND FUNNY??? Gabe's gotta always be tagging along with them because he thinks he fits right in, not because he's ugly or they're ugly but because he thinks they are all smart and funny. And also Tyson is super cute and he is INTO IT. But it like PEEVES Tyson like no other because GABE DOES NOT BELONG.

Tyson: Why does he not spend all his time with the hot swedes, he gets to be hot AND FUNNY. RUDE. Gabe doesn't know how to stay in HIS LANE. THERE IS SUCH THING AS TOO PERFECT GABRIEL. LOOK GABE, GO BACK TO YOUR HOMELAND, LOOK, THAT ONE WHO LOOKS LIKE A PIRATE PROBABLY IS MISSING YOU. 

Gabe just exchanges looks with Nate and buys Tyson a very sugary drink (basically anything that ends in -tini) and smiles at him a lot to see him turn increasingly fluorescent shades of red.

Tom Wilson and Michael Latta despite their best intentions as part of the Fuck Boy clique are those guys who have been in a high school sweethearts level committed relationship for EVER AND EVER and everyone is like "maybe you should play the field" and they're like ....I don't think I need to. Because they have everything they need in their meathead bro! Solid sports understanding? Companionship? Twice the wardrobe? A+ blowies??? Done, done and done.

There is also the older distinguished extremely handsome gentleman's society aka Henrik Lundquist and Patrick Sharp. They’re biding their time, eyeing up future Gabe and Holtby. Ovi occasionally tries to set up shop with them and they're like "Good try, you might be silver but you're still like 28."

Thennn idk probably plot would happen like Geno would start dating someone and drama would occur and someone would have to force Sid to talk about his feelings and Geno would realise that he could have had Sid all along BECAUSE WE NEED LOVE. 

5HOLE!

[cuteandtwisted]

Awkward word vomit alert. Had to get this out of my chest.

Things have been weird lately at work and I kind of wanted to write about it somewhere so here goes nothing. I’m not easily impressionable and/or impressed. I don’t blush around senior people and managers. I’m kind of confident and relaxed on the job and it kind of got me where I am today. A recruiter once told me that with my personality, I could get any job I wanted as long as I got to meet the person face to face. It was kind of flattering and kind of scary because I happen to have skills as well, very technical skills. But anyways. I didn’t want to be reduced to a girl who giggles in interviews. So I start my job knowing that I could be working anywhere. And nobody really intimidates me except for this one manager who isn’t even on my team. He was kind of a legend and everyone kind of feared him. I wasn’t sure I feared him because he always smiled at me in a goofy way, almost. And after a little while I realized that I simply admired him and his intellect and his control. In meetings, he was ruthless and relentless and simply brilliant, and it took me so much self-control not to bring both hands to my face and swoon. Intellect does it for me. It always has. And the thing about me is that I always want to be the best and rarely look up to anyone cause I’m a condescending bitch. But this man. This man I look up to. The way he’s so quiet and observant and could command the room without bullshitting his way there or raising his voice at all. He barely networks too, and never tries to kiss anyone’s ass which I find remarkable especially in my domain and workplace where everyone is just trying to be liked by everyone. I can’t for the life of me pretend to be someone I’m not for the sake of pleasing senior management. A girl who started around the same time as me does it all the time. And I can’t. She’s competent and really great at her job but she irks me so damn much, always trying to step on my toes but with a smile on her face. This man didn’t seem to be phased by her bullshit though. He liked me and my work ethic better even if I showed up in jeans and with bags under my eyes every day. Anyways. So this man ends up on one of my projects and it makes me nervous and I’m never nervous. I don’t want to disappoint him and I don’t want to be roasted by him. So I’m nervous. Someone stops by my desk to tell me that he was impressed by my work ethic and I blush like an idiot. Again, compliment my intellect and I’m gone. I’m a vain validation seeking idiot like that. So anyways, he’s in my meetings and he never roasts me. And later on when I’m relaxed enough around him, I joke about it and ask why. He answers that there’s nothing to roast. That my work is impeccable and that I make more sense than 99% of the floor. I blush again and I blabber and I’m a mess and I feel inadequate so I leave. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not attracted to this man. I am not in love with him. I’m in love with the me he thinks I am. And it’s too much. He’s married and he has kids and i barely walk by his office anymore. It’s too weird. I get called to an office one day with him and my actual boss, and I’m worried for a second that they found my ao3 account and finally figured out why I look like a zombie in the morning. They didn’t. There’s this big project everyone’s fighting over across our floor and it’s mine now. I can’t really believe it, but it’s true. They’re trusting a newbie with this big thing and my ego is about to burst. I’m so unbelievably happy and humbled. He stops by my desk and tells me that people will hate me for landing the project but that I shouldn’t let it get to me. “You deserve this.” He says. And I blush. Then I get to work. And he’s right. People hate me a little bit. The girl who started around me smiles wider at me, and it’s so fucking weird. I can tell that she hates me and I kind of like it. A week later, we’re at a happy hour event and he’s a bit drunk, his cheeks flushed. I’m dying inside. He tells me that he’s my biggest fan and that I remind him of himself. “You’re not full of shit. You’re smart. Your brain is structured like mine.” I’m half in love with his brain, so this is the highest compliment. I can’t even breathe. Trump happens and I have issues with my visa and this man and my boss go out of their way to make sure I keep my job and stay in the country. And honestly I've never felt so valued in my life. This is it. Anyways. Things are good and I start talking about this man to people around me. My friends, my parents, yada yada. My dad is shocked that I’m looking up to a man because he thinks feminists want to burn all men, and my mom is trying to figure out if I’m in love which is fucking stupid but anyways. A few weeks later, he quits and I’m devastated. He’s leaving in three months though for a smooth transition. He’s too vital. What the fuck, I almost yell in the middle of the team announcements. You know. He’s my mentor. He’s my biggest cheerleader. What am I gonna do without him here? He’s the only person I relate to here. I decide to stop being a child and go see him in his office the next day to congratulate him on his new job. He tells me he doesn’t have one. He’ll figure it out later. He just wants to take some time off to hang out with his kids and his wife more. My ovaries do a thing. It’s adorable. My dad never took time off from work to hang out with me. I almost have heart eyes. I really admire this man. Whatever. We chat a bit about or projects then he tells me that he’ll miss working with me and that I’m Incredible. I die again. Inside mostly because I have an amazing poker face. But I die nonetheless. This is the closest to infatuation I’ve been in ages. It feels so damn good. He says he’s my biggest fan, that I’ll have a long and successful career, and that he’ll keep checking in on me. It’s all just so good for my ego and stuff. I don’t even know how to explain it. But i almost feel my self-esteem getting boosted. Anyways, i leave his office with a grin and a blush high up my cheeks. I’m his biggest fan, too, I joke. But it’s not a joke.

The next day I find out he’s actually getting fired and that he’s not quitting. He slept with the girl who started around the same time I did. The one who wears heels and designer dresses and who asked me why I dress up like a lesbian on my first month, and then why i dress up like i’m going to a funeral the following ones. I hated her, but my empathetic pathetic self always rooted for her. I don’t know. I have a thing for female characters with complex bitchy personalities. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Yada yada. But she’s not a character. She’s a real person who slept with my favorite person in the world. My biggest fan. My self-esteem booster.

I’m honestly fucking crushed. I don’t even know how to react. I’m supposed to keep this to myself and not act differently towards either of them. And I do. I follow rules and instructions like that. I’m nice and dumb like that. But deep down, I’m crushed and feeling betrayed and it kind of sucks. Because I’m questioning every single thing now. It’s awful. Did he ever mean what he said to me? I mean he lied to my face about wanting to spend time with his wife and kids. So probably. Did he just want to get in my pants too? Probably not. I rarely dress up like a “lady”. I’m always in sneakers, always exhausted. I’m not skinny. I don’t have perfect long legs. I’m like 5 feet tall. Anyways. My self-esteem takes a hit and i feel like shit for caring about this when i could be caring about other things. I almost hate myself because it sounds like I’m jealous of her, like I wanted him to see me like that. I didn’t. I don’t. I’m confused and I space out at work. I don’t even know how I feel anymore and I’m distracted and jittery. I no longer think I’m a boss ass bitch. I’m just kind of sad and I feel betrayed and down, down, down.

Then I hear about how this isn’t the first time this has happened. About how 3 people filed sexual harassment reports against him. I’m dumbfounded. My jaw is on the floor. I can’t believe it. My skin is crawling. I want to cry. The man I looked up to. The man I related to. Did she file a report? No. she denied it apparently. Some people think she’s in love with him. I want to disappear.

People start talking shit about her, calling her names when she’s not around and when alcohol is involved. And I step up, defending her like my life depends on it. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s when dudes gather around and call some girl a “whore”. I hate it. And I’m right there. Dammit. I start feeling bad for her. Everything crumbles around her and I start hating him with all my heart. She’s not getting fired because she was wasted and it all happened in the office and someone else reported it. My heart breaks for her but she insists that nothing happened.

Most people at the company are convinced she seduced him and that she wanted it. She has a reputation throwing herself on men quite literally whenever she drank. I personally had to snatch her away from a few and carry her to her apartment once. Alcohol is not her friend but she just wants affection. I can tell. She curled around me in an uber once, completely trashed, her cheek on my bare shoulder, and I felt something. I hate myself. Anyways, she must be feeling the control slip away from her, because she makes sure to make little passive aggressive comments to me every day. Something about me being overworked and how she’s worried they’re making me inefficient. Something about me drinking Coke at lunch and how it’s not healthy. Something about how I lost weight. “Are you exercising?” Fuck. I loathe her. But I also love her and I want to protect her. I don’t understand my brain.

The Weinstein story breaks and I’m in my feelings all week. I read all testimonies and my heart is in my throat. It kills me in ways I didn’t know I could still be killed. I take a day off from work. I’ve never taken a day off from work.

He finds me in the pantry one morning and asks me why I don’t talk to him anymore. I shudder. My body just does this thing. It’s funny, but I fear him now. Like actually fear him. He’s terrifying to me now. Because I was half in love with him. And he’s the kind of person who will abuse you and you won’t even know it. He can convince you that you wanted it because he’s charming and smart and actually attractive. I hate him. I can’t look into his eyes. He notices. “You know,” is all he says. I nod and he leaves and that’s it.

I don’t think he’s a monster but maybe he is. Who knows. I’ve been doubting myself for weeks now because I realized I got all the validation I actually valued through him. And this has never happened to me before. Doubting myself like this. I realized that this man actually managed to break my self-esteem and to make dependent on his praise and validation. Like a dog. He had me on a leash. But I’m getting over it. I earned every bit of praise I got. I know it.

It’s funny how people never stop surprising you. I thought I could read people pretty well and I’m mostly right because I observe and listen. But this man was the first man I allowed myself to idolize, to put on a pedestal so to speak. My experiences with men have always been jarring in a way, and all of this made me realize that I’ve been projecting internalized misogyny. I wore sneakers and jeans to work not necessarily because I feel more comfortable in them, but because i somehow convinced myself that it made me superior to the girls who wore tight dresses and heels. Because I somehow convinced myself that I would get more respect this way and that I wouldn’t be sexualized and objectified. Goddammit. fuck me honestly. I was so shocked when I realized how backwards my thinking was. I love wearing tight dresses and heels. I fucking love it. I was just too busy blaming myself and justifying powerful men’s disgusting behavior. I was justifying sexual harassment and assault. Me! Someone who’s had a front row seat to the evils of human nature! What the hell.

I’m typing this cross-legged in my favorite black dress and my favorite pair of heels. I don’t dress like this all the time because sometimes I just wanna be in jeans. I’m working with the girl I both hate and love on something we have to deliver soon. She keeps rambling in her high pitched voice and I hate it. She’s trying very hard to convince me that she’s had a wonderful day. And although I know it’s a lie, I smile at her and pretend to be listening. I see the pain in her eyes. I really do. And i wonder what the hell she’s still doing here when everyone’s judging her so hard. I admire her, kinda. I don’t know. I both hate and love her.

She will never be my friend but I almost want to be hers. Because she might not realize it yet, but she’s been used and abused. And I want to be there for her when she realizes that if she ever does.

This word vomit started out like a love story gone wrong but it’s not. It’s a love story gone right. I’m no longer in love with the me he thought I was. I’m just in love with the me I know I can be. And you should be, too. People say I’m too naive and empathetic and that I haven’t seen enough “dark shit”. But i have. Oh god I have. My heart was torn right out of my chest and I’ve been so hurt, so incredibly hurt and abused. But I don’t want it to be my story. Sometimes “dark shit” just makes you kinder.

This isn’t my #MeToo story but I still wanted to get it out of my chest.

So yeah. Me, too. And her, too. And you, too. Stay strong, my darling 💛

[sapphireglyphs]

EXO Quiz

♦ Pick your top 5 biases and answer the questions

1. Kyungsoo | 2. Jongdae | 3. Chanyeol | 4. Yixing | 5. Baekhyun

♦ What do you like about 4?

I love so many things about Lay... hmm, if I were to choose just one thing that I really like I guess it would be his sincerity. I love how very candid he is with his feelings. 

♦ Is 2 an alcoholic?

I don’t believe he is just because I remember during an interview he once said “I believe that alcohol can make happy times even more fun but when consumed when you are sad it turns into a poison” or something to that extent. 

♦ Can 1 sing?

Is that a real question? It’s his voice I blame for me currently being such K-pop trash. I luv u bby plz come back to me healthy and happy from the military!!

♦ Is 5 in a relationship?

I don’t think so... he was... but I don’t think he is right now. But, what the hell do I know right?

♦ Would you go out with 3?

Probably not (lols!! xD) And I say this in the most loving way: he seems like a lot of work. Channie is sweet and hard working and super sensitive but I don’t think I could date ANYONE in EXO. They are all so amazing and perfect and I don’t think I could ever be good enough for any of them.

♦ Is 2 hot?

Quite! 😘

♦ Can 3 cook?

His tteok-bokki recipe is apparently very popular on SNS. 

♦ What do you like about 1?

I have written a literal essay about what I like about Do Kyungsoo. Please follow the cut for my fangirl feels. 

Ult bias... heh... I will try to keep this as concise as possible considering I can talk about how amazing and perfect he is all night.

My ultimate bias is Kyungsoo. Besides the obvious reasons as to why he's so amazing (from his beautiful, deep, baritone voice which is always so textured and full of emotions to his vulnerable, boundary-pushing, award-winning acting prowess, to his razor focus at perfecting any craft he puts his mind to - whether it's singing, acting, cooking, tap dancing, pronunciation of the English language, or putting on screen protectors!) the 3 qualities that I truly admire in him is his humble and respectful attitude towards everyone who comes in contact with him, his candidness, and his ability to flip it all on its head at the drop of a hat.

Kyungsoo has been praised by multiple people who have worked with him (co-actors and staff members alike) for his warm and caring personality. Whenever the other members are messing around too much, Kyungsoo who would scold them to focus so that the crew could rest or go home faster. When Chanyeol was stuck at home because he had hurt his vocal cords and couldn't sing or talk to anyone for I think nearly a month, Kyungsoo would often stop by and keep him company, sitting there in silence while playing games on his phone. He would show his love by cooking for the members, sending food trucks to member's individual project shoots, constantly asking the filming crew if they had eaten yet and that they should take a break. He’s even left to go and buy food for the staff members and brought it back for them, which is so rare in the industry! During concerts prep, he could often be seen helping staff members move sound equipment or asking if there was anything he could help with. That level of selflessness is so heartwarming to me. He never sees himself as a celebrity, being an insanely shy and reserved guy, he most likely dislikes the idea of "being a celebrity" so to see someone of his status/caliber be so down-to-earth it's an extremely attractive quality.

And yet, somehow, despite his rather laid back approach, Kyungsoo can often be so random in his own quirky way. I love that I know what to expect with him and yet never be bored watching him. He’s insanely caring and yet has a very strict moral code (see EXO Ladder S2 for all the “strict, rule following” Kyungsoo). He often comes off proper and polite but has moments where he would curse on national television (aka EXO Arcade) or say inappropriate or slightly perverted comments (multiple interviews and concert talks). He hates being called cute or adorable (from wearing cutesy hats to doing “aegyo”) and yet, without trying at all, he is often the squishiest human in existence. He has this amazing ability to be so competent at such a variety of things (see list above) and yet when he fails, he fails spectacularly as well. I love that duality about him - it makes him feel multifaceted and relatable AF. 

*sigh* There are so many other things that I can talk about (like how he proves that he’s a hopeless romantic when he was asked if he would choose ‘friendship’ or ‘love’, he candidly said ‘love’ without even hesitating. Or how he confessed about wanting to retire from the idol life and be a simple farmer, living off the land with his lovely wife and kids. Or how when EXO was asked what their ideal vacation destination would be, everyone wrote down an actual place and Kyungsoo just wrote, “I don’t care where we go as long as it’s together.” Or that he considers his two puppies his little sisters rather than pets in the family.) I honestly can go on and on and on but I’ll leave it off with a comment he said during an interview with JYP. The host asked him if he sees celebrity life as a good one or one that is uncomfortable? And perhaps the p.c. answer would have been something along the lines of positive experiences but instead Kyungsoo spoke from the heart and confessed that there are many things about the life that he’s uncomfortable with. That there were so many times that he was so tired of this lifestyle that he wanted to quit it all. I commend his resolve to not shy away from the truth and that candidness made me feel as though I can trust what I get with him: what you see is what you get. He’s not your ideal idol but that imperfection is what makes him so perfect and beautiful to me. Kyungsoo with forever be my penguin prince! 

♦ Has 4 had any solo albums?

Too many tbh, DAMNIT SM BRING BACK LAY TO EXO!! Yes, all of his self produced albums are fucking amazing and he totally doesn’t need SM to prove that he is a world-class artist but I miss Lay touching EXO’s butts 🤣 I love their hangouts and interactions and I just need Lay to comeback and be with his brothers!! 😢

♦ Would you set-up pair 2 and 5 together?

Lmaooooo!!! Chen and Baek would be the loudest, most chaotic pair ever! 

♦ Do you think 3 would be a good parent?

He would definitely be the “fun/cool” parent. xD

♦ What do you like about 2?

Dem vocals tho! OMFG!! 

♦ Would 3 take drugs?

I don’t know. I guess his hyper ass could do with a bit of weed in his life but probably not like... hard drugs. *shrugs* I just don’t feel like he’s the type. 

♦ Would 4 bail you out of jail?

He’s not in jail with me? Hmm, yeah, I think he would then. 

♦ Has 2 ever been on reality TV?

Can we define “Reality TV” shows a bit more? Like does that include competition shows and variety shows? Because if those count then he’s been on "King of Mask Singer” and “Travel without Manager”.

♦ Out of 1 and 5 who would be more likely to ask you out?

Like I said above, I honestly don’t think I am at all worthy of being asked out by any of the members from EXO but if we are going to play the delusional game for a tiny bit... of the 5... I think Kyungsoo would just because I’m not “confident” enough to be attractive to Baekhyun. :3

♦ Is 5 tall?

Not compared to the baby giraffe that is Park Chanyeol. 

♦ Do you like 4’s current hair style?

100%! This look on his is so refined and yet cool and sexy. ;) But, then again, Lay baby always look scrumptious!

♦ Is 2 gay?

It has been confirmed that he is not and is getting married and is going to be a Jongdaddy! :DD

♦ Would 3, 4 and 2 have a cross-dressing show?

Sure... I think they would be game... >_< Or is that just me being hopeful?

♦ Would 1 go skinny dipping?

No, he is waaaaaaay too shy to reveal his body. He said he has a tummy. *blushes* I think it’s cute but then again anything about him I find insanely attractive so... *shrugs*

♦ Does 3 remind you of anyone you know?

Not really. Channie is really playful and competitive and has a shit ton of energy but he’s also sensitive and really sweet.  

♦ Would 5 watch porn?

I 100% believe he does. I say this lovingly but hentai Baek is real. 

♦ Would you marry 1 but then have them divorce you 6 months later; marry 2 but have them run away a year later; date 3 but then lose them in a car crash a year later; date 4 but then break up 2 years later or sleep with 5 and have them or you pregnant?

Wow... Um... none of these options are really great. *sigh* Idk... I guess, I can live with dating Lay for 2 years. What an honor that would be. :3

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 21.09.17 lb

billuji stilllllllllllllll at it. 😏😏😏

COULD YOU TWO JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY?!?!?!?! BLOODY 9 MAHINO SE KLPD HI DIYE JAA RAHE HO HUM SABKO. JANTAA MAAF NAHI KAREGI. 😤😤😤😤

the only thing shivaay loves more than sexing up his wife: his hair. 

oooh he got her one chamiyaaa style little purse thingy 😊😊😊

is there pepper spray in this one too? protip, anika: keep that shit away from gauri. 😬😬😬

he has no reply for her “carebaaaz” banter. just a shyyyyyyy smile. ugh this stupid man is worming his way into my cold, dead heart. 😥😥😥

puppy faaaaaaaaace and “jaana zarooori hai?” 😭😭😭😭

instant change to overconfidence. pffffft. fuck off outta here. 🙄🙄🙄

lol pretty sure this struggle with the suitcase was adlibbed by surbhi and nakuul. 😆😆😆

shivaay be like ‘hate to see you go, but damn girl i love to watch you leave!’ 😏😏😏👅👅👅💦💦💦

this adorable idiot can’t handle how in love he is. and tbh, i can’t either. get a fucking hold of yourself, dude! 😭😭😭😭

things rudra has dreamt of, which he desperately wanted to come true:

marrying katrina kaif

shivaay being 6 feet tall 😂😂😂

himself being the eldest of the three oBros

oh god he’s going to confront officer dad. 😟😟😟

ABBE IDIOT CONFIRM TOH KAR SHAADI KISKI CHAL RAHI HAI 😩😩😩

ohhhhhhhhhh boy. 

ABBE DULHAN, GHOONGAT TOH UTHAAO TO LOOK AT THIS MAN WHO’S MAKING A GRAND GESTURE FOR YOU 😒😒😒

hahaha, dulha’s age-related doubts in between 🤣🤣🤣🤣

LMAO THIS DULHA 😂😂😂

“jab hum ek saath ghooma karenge toh log tumhe aunty aur mujhe bhaiyya bulaaya karenge” omfgggg rudra you fucking idiot, this itself is grounds for rejection 😒😒😒

pfffffffffffffffttttt. OF COURSE. 

EEEEEEEEE MY TWO GIRLS ON ROAD TRIPPPPP 😍😍😍😍

anika, a woman after my own heart, is all about the food. gauri all sehmi sehmi tho. girl whyyyyyyyyyyy? 🤔🤔🤔

anika be like pft ok tera tu dekh, imma eatttt nom nom nom 😊😊😊

oooooooh gauri telling bhaujai her secret!!!! 

lol yeh gaya bread rollllll. 😂😂😂😂

cryinggggg at this bonddddddd. shivaay/gauri is my brotp, but gauri/anika is also waaaaay up there. GIVE THEM MORE SCENES TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

laayak? gauri don’t make me come in there and shaaaaaaaake you! 😒😒😒

ANIKA BEING MY IN-SHOW PROXY AND SHUTTING THAT “LAAYAK” SHIT DOWNNNNN INSTANTLY 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

“use dipper at night” waali english hahaha 😂😂😂

YAS MY QUEEN ANIKAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHHHH

gauri just neeeeded to hear those things from someone in the same position as her and i am just.... my two perfecttttt girlsssssss 😭😭😭

all those things settled, anika has gone back to her bread roll. 😆😆😆

LMAO THIS DULHA BE LIKE BRO WHO THE EVERLOVING FUCK ARE YOUUUUUUUUUU 🤣🤣🤣

OFFICER DAD ALREADY HATES RUDRA LOL 🙈🙈🙈

lmaoooooooooooooo rudra warning the dulha to check age difference what a fucking idiot 

ok why is shivaay wearing zeenat aman’s sunglasses from hare krishna hare ram??? 😕😕😕

meanwhile om is like hi why are you holding me hostage; unlike you, i actually do show up at my day job once in a while. 😒😒😒

ohohoho. ring shopping. 💍💍💍💍

lmao i can’t help but think of the episode where chandler and phoebe go ring shopping in friends. 😆😆😆

shivaay’s like I JUST WANT MORAL SUPPORT OK?!?! BE THERE FOR ME BRO!!!!!!!

“mujhe mera purana waala om mil gaya hai. poet, shaayar, sufiiiiii saint...” 😭😭😭😭😭

UGH THIS BOY’S FACE IS KILLING ME I WANT TO JUMP INTO THE SCREEN AND KISS HIMMMMMMMMM 😍😍😍😭😭😭😭💖💖💖

OUFF SHIVAAY, YOU’RE AS SUBTLE AS A BASEBALL BAT TO THE HEAD. WHY CAN’T YOU EASE INTO THE TOPIC???? 😩😩😩😩😩

yup, jumpy!kara is scuttling away from the topic. 🤐🤐🤐

thankfully shivaay’s willing to let it go. 😶😶😶

rudra and his ddlj shenanigans. 🙄🙄🙄

waaaah, ab in dono ko bhi Awareness hai??? yeah whatever, don’t care. 😑😑😑

ok, rudra’s just.... screamingggg her name now. 😕😕😕

i mean, considering she won’t pick up his calls, this is the smartest move, i guess. 😶😶😶

ok the hug was a little endearing. 😐😐😐

ok this gaon be a little toooooo regressive. jesus, this is a reprise of mangalpur track in QH, isn’t it? i hope it ends with these two kicking some serious ass, and doesn’t have to have the boys come save them. 😒😒😒

lol anika muttering angrily under her breath about the patriarchy. 😂😂😂

hate the instantly sanskaaari music that start playing when head has been covered. matlab, kuch bhi. 😒😒😒

suman looks about as enthused to get married as i do in a math class. 😣😣😣

“love marriage” ohhhhhhhhhh boy. 😬😬😬

I HATE THIS AWFUL CHACHIJI 😠😠😠

OH SHIT SUMAN IS ABOUT TO FUCKING.... 😯😯😯

ok i don’t even GET what the ruvya conflicttttt is??? 🤔🤔🤔

rudra she has a jobbbbbbb, what the fuck is wrong with you?!?!? 😐😐😐

ok overly melodramatic gaana for these two and this tuchcha sa relationship, come on. they don’t deserve VEER ZAARA epic love story waala gaana ok. 🙄🙄🙄

ok rudra there was a door right next to you. itna bhaagne ki zaroorat nahi thi. 😑😑😑

bhavya be like BITCH WTF I HAVE TO BABYSIT YOU ON EVERY DAMN ASSIGNMENT NOW 😩😩😩

hahahaha om’s faaaaaaaace at shivaay being extra as usual (“is ring mein woh sparkle nahi hai jo anika ki aankhon mein hai”) 🤣🤣🤣

“bhaabi... subtle hai???” lmaooooooooo 😂😂😂

68 rings. jfc. shivaay is a retail worker’s goddamn nightmare. 😒😒😒

lmaooooo “dhang ki ring kyun nahi hai aapke paas??? kyun nahi haiiii aapke paas???” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I LOVE SNARK!KARA SO MUCH 😍😍😍😍😍😍

lmao idhar bhi anika’s jamiiii hui in stuffing her face. 😆😆😆

oh boy. suman ka rona. 😬😬😬

COULD YOU TWO ACT FASTER INSTEAD OF STARING 😩😩😩😩

has rudra everrrrr been in a train before??? 

nope. it’s been a childhood dream for him, it seems. 😐😐😐

lmaoooo his fascination with the rokne waali chain. 😆😆😆

even the bachcha is like kaun hai yaar yeh chutiya hearing rudra’s questions 😂😂😂

lmao rudra being confronted by middle class life realities. 😊😊😊

TT aaaa gayaaaa. 

age 24? abbe, 2 mahine pehle toh iska 23rd bday tha. what nonsense. 😒😒

OUFF SHE DOESN’T EVEN LOOK OLDER THAN HIM, AWAIIIII SUCH STUPID WRITING TO HIT US OVER THE HEAD THAT SHE’S OLDER

“isko peene se toh aadmi kya, pait ke keede bhi nahi marte”

lmaoooooooo anikaaaa is so me. matlab, there’s a time and place for such realism, but we just can’t control ourselves. 😬😬😬

knew it. knewwwwww it would be exactly like the mangalpur nonsense. 😣😣😣

yup. as expected, gauri is instantly ready to go fuck shit upppp. and anika be like SHAANT GADHADHAARI BHEEM SHAANT. 😆😆😆

oh boy, baaraat and the gross dulha are here. 😖😖😖

girls, your shehar waala idealism isn’t really going to work here, but chalo, try maarlo. 😕😕😕

LMAO RUDRA AND TRAIN KE RESTROOM ISSUES. WELCOME TO THE REAL INDIA, MY CHILD! 

my train waala MO is to not consume any liquids for like 2 hours pre-boarding. and then continue to not drink more than like the tiniest of sips per hour of the journey. COZ HELL TO THE N. O. AM I GOING INTO ONE OF THOSE HELLHOLES (LITERALLY) 😥😥😥😥

lmaooooooooooooooo i love this kiddddd. 

“ek toh tumne mujhe halka hone nahi diya aur upar se bhaari samaan uthwaogi!” lolololol 🤣🤣🤣🤣

lord above this annoying chachijiiiii 

OMFG GAURI’S THERE’S GOING TO BE HELL TO PAY FACE, GOD I LOVE HER, MY LITTLE ANGRY BIRD 😍😍😍😍

poor bansi kaka’s regretting inviting the oberois (as does everyone.) 😗😗😗

anika’s like MY HUSBAND LIKES BUYING PPL OFF, IMMA CALL HIM, HE’LL LOVE THIS!!!!!! 😎😎😎😎

lmao who the fuck is this pirate now??? 

how come the mukhiya, who’s the dad of the dulha, looks younger than him? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

OK GAURI TIME TO FUCK THIS ASSHOLE UP, COME ON

the faces of two chirraiyyas who are about to BLOW THIS JOINT APART 😊😊😊😊😊😊

yupppppppppppp, svetlana and pinkyyyy have teamed up. knewwww it would happen. 😒😒😒

svetlana’s the smartest character in this show ever. she knows to “never ever trust an oberoi.” 🤓🤓🤓

oh great. the boys are going to have go to the gaon themselves, to save their overenthu wives (+ suman) 😔😔😔😔

[erinye]

Two More Times the Gods Bothered Icarus at Work

The library doesn’t actually pay, per se, but if he volunteers a given number of hours, it does give him vouchers for select items purchased at the campus shops – class supplies, food and other sundries.  Icarus did the math and determined that the value of the vouchers was nearly as good as actual money, with the added benefit of the convenient location where he could stop by between classes easily and rack up hours for the week. 

And it’s fairly peaceful work.  Running the checkout desk; entering returned books into the computer; shelving books; light cleaning.  And Icarus is free to do some of his own homework as well, as long as he gets the list of tasks done, while still earning credit for being there.  Hard to complain about it.

He enjoys the tasks, and enjoys the hush of the narrow aisles, packed with books on either side, higher than his head.  They have a good section on aviation: old and new books; practical and philosophical; aeronautical and astronautical.  Icarus likes to sneak back to steal a few browse through them whenever he can.

Icarus is on his way back to the front counter with two books in hand, when he hears a yelp of surprise, two feet to his left, where there are a couple small steps leading up to the study carrels and tables. 

He whips his head around and has enough time to register a mass of bright red hair, on a figure that is falling, armloads of books already dropping around them.  Icarus drops his own books and just barely manages to catch the figure before they bite the floor hard.

The figure is a woman, as it turns out – Icarus’s hands are wrapped around her torso, narrowly missing an accidental feelski.  The woman is gorgeous, the mounds of red hair tousled from her stumble, and bright green eyes wide with alarm.

Icarus helps her upright again.  She stands a little taller than him and has guns to rival Linda Hamilton, he notices.  The green eyes turn to him and narrow just slightly.

“Jeez – are you all right?  Did you turn your ankle?  I’m sorry about that, those steps are the most pointless safety hazard in this building, I seriously see people trip over them hourly.  Are you hurt, though?  Do you need to sit down?  Or I can get somebody.  Or a glass of water, or something?”  Icarus is aware that he’s babbling a little, but now that the woman is standing tall with the stance of someone who does not suffer bullshit lightly, and considering him with those fierce green eyes – it’s a little intimidating, okay?! 

But thankfully, the frantic babbling must have worked, because the green eyes soften and a faint smile touches her lips. 

“I’m all right.  Thank you for asking.”  She seems bemused by the concern, and amused as well.

He grins, relieved, and awkwardly sticks out his hand.  “Glad to hear it!  I’m Icarus,” he says, inwardly cursing himself for being such a huge fucking dork, but now that the danger is over he’s not sure how he’s supposed to proceed.

The woman meets his awkwardness with a queenly grace, shaking his hand.  “My name is Athena.  I’m grateful for your assistance.  I don’t often need it,” she adds, as an afterthought.

“I can tell.  Uh.  You seem like a very capable lady.”  Icarus is not very eloquent today, apparently, and decides to stoop and help her gather her books instead.  There are tons; seriously, why would she carry this many all at once?  It would surely be easier to bring them a few at a time?

She chuckles to herself.  “You risked your life, just to spare me from indignity.  I don’t often see that these days.” 

Risked his life?  A little excessive… well, maybe.  There were a lot of huge, heavy books to get smushed under.  Icarus is even more impressed by the lady’s strength, that she could carry so many of them - 

All at once it hits him.  Athena, she’d said her name was.  Was she… *that* Athena?  She had to be!  That’s why she had so many books!  Nervous again, Icarus glanced over at the possible goddess.

Athena is crouched next to him now.  She fixes her hair, in a brief, utilitarian gesture, revealing a side-shave, before she also begins gathering her books again.  The books are nearly all printed in the letters of ancient Greek, even though he’s sure this library doesn’t carry that language – yeah, it’s *that* Athena, all right.

She smiles at him, which helps him relax slightly.  “You said you see people come up against these stairs hourly – you must spend a lot of time here?”  Her books are stacking effortlessly in her hands, tall and heavy.  “I’m a little biased, but I think people who spend more of their time in libraries are cooler to be around.”

Icarus blushes a little and grins, pleased.  “Well, I can’t take that compliment completely – I work here too, but yeah, I love spending my free time here when I can.  They’ve got a great aviation collection.”

Athena pauses, her hand near one of his fallen books – both of which, of course, are about rockets and aviation and astronautical engineering.  “You can only be Icarus,” she says softly, before looking at him with recognition in her eyes.  “Am I right?  The mortal the two sun idiots keep bickering over?”

“I… they bicker over me… like, there, too?  In – in Olympia?”  It’s strange to say that sentence aloud.  All parts of it.  Apollo and Helios: acknowledging that they’re in some competition to gain his affections, which is crazy.  It’s also crazy to acknowledge that they’re immortals from another realm of existence. 

“All the time,” she assures him, eyes twinkling.  “It’s a pleasure to meet you at last, Icarus.”  They carry the books over to the table where she’s set up camp.  Another strange thing: a tiny, seriously adorable little tabby kitten, black stripes on brown fur, is batting pencils off the table.  It goes without saying that the cat shouldn’t be in here.  Literally, it goes without saying – Icarus isn’t going to mention it.

“So, uh… who’s this little guy?” is all he says, unable to keep from reaching out to pet the kitten.  It pounces on his hand.

“She,” Athena corrects.  “This is Nike.”  She says this matter-of-factly, and Icarus can’t remember if Nike was supposed to be a god or if she really named her cat after a shoe or something.

“Can I ask what you’re researching here?  You’ve got a lot of books,” Icarus says politely, as Nike shreds the cuff of his shirt.

“Oh, a little bit of everything,” Athena says brightly.  “I couldn’t decide which project I wanted to work on today, so I brought all the books over – though, I was leaning towards toreutics.”

“Toreutics? That’s… the study of artistic metal?”  Icarus has been stocking shelves in the library for a while now; he can’t believe he remembers that title from a book.

Athena claps her hands together and beams at him.  “Right!  It’s not my usual area of focus – I generally dealt with womens’ crafts, and toreutics would have been Hephaestus’ area – but of course, nowadays, women are much more able to create anything they please.  As they should have been from the beginning.”  She sniffs; clearly this has been a sore point for her for centuries. 

Icarus smiles.  “For sure.  I took a shop class a few years ago… one of the girls there was better than anyone else.”

“You don’t look like much of a metalsmith sort of guy.”

He shrugs sheepishly.  “Nah.  I mean, I was curious, so I tried it out.  Never know when I’ll find something new that I’ll enjoy learning… but yeah, I’m kind of a one-obsession sort of guy.  I guess – I guess you already what that is,” he says, gesturing to the aviation books on the table.  “Though I also follow cynology pretty closely,” he says with a grin. 

“The study of dogs,” she laughs.  “Yes, I heard about Cerberus.  Oh, but you know –“ she begins digging in her bag, laid on the table and also filled with books.  “Here’s one you might find interesting.”

She removes and sets aside random books – more than should fit in her bag – about the most random assortment of topics, all with slips of paper printed with notes in Greek letters.  After a moment she says “Aha!” triumphantly and presents Icarus with a slim hardcover book.  As he takes it, the Greek letters transform into English:

“Heliology with Special Focus on Helioseismology,” he reads.  He looks up at her.  “I guess – the study of the sun?”  He can’t quite keep a blush off his face. 

Athena looks amused.  “Yes.  And helioseismology is the study of the interior of the sun, as ascertained by studying its surface.”  She says that with a faint tease to her voice, and Icarus clears his throat.

“’Heliology’ I guess they got the name from Helios?”

“Right.  The original sun god.”

“Original doesn’t mean best,” comes a familiar voice unexpectedly from directly behind Icarus.  Icarus jumps approximately ten feet into the air with a startled gasp, and whips around to see Apollo coolly glaring at Athena.

“Oh, hello, Apollo.  I didn’t see you there.”  Athena smiles at him.  “And of course, original doesn’t mean best.  Just that he was first.  And he’s been doing it the longest.”

“Ahh, you mean the way that Hephaestus, God of Crafts, was born earlier than you?  Legend says he was the one who helped you spring from Our Father’s divine skull,” Apollo suggests sweetly.

“He was first?  But wasn’t Hera the third wife…?”  Icarus asks tentatively, mostly to himself, trying to remember.  Of course, from what he remembers of Zeus, the matter of who he was married to when he had his children was irrelevant.  Case in point: Apollo himself, child of an illicit affair, and one who is currently leveling a glare at Icarus.

Icarus swiftly holds up his hands placatingly, trying to think of how to backpedal.  Athena looks smug. 

“Yes.  I am the firstborn of Our Father, Lord Zeus, and the original Goddess of Crafts, as well as the original Goddess of Knowledge, for that matter.”

Apollo, the second-generation god of the sun and knowledge, glowers.  Nike the cat is wiggling its butt while staring up at Apollo; clearly ready to try to jump for his temptingly swaying locks of hair.  Icarus has a feeling that wouldn’t end well for the cat.

He intervenes, shooing Nike away and taking Apollo’s hand in his own.  “I know I’m biased, and I don’t know what makes a better God or Goddess of Knowledge, but I do know which one is my favorite – even though I’m really glad to have met you, Athena!”

Icarus smiles up at Apollo, and is shocked to see that the sun god is blushing.  Blushing!!  Discreetly, of course, and looking no less stoic than usual, but yes, his face is definitely heating up.

Athena has made a little squealing gasp and is grinning at them, eyes darting back and forth between them.  “Is Lord Apollo… blushing?!  Like a besotted schoolboy!  Oh, wait until I tell Artemis!”  She laughs, and any tension from before is broken.  “All right, that’s cute.  I’ll forgive the disrespect from both of you.”

“Erhm.  Yes.  Thank you for your loyalty, Icarus.”  Apollo coughs embarrassedly but doesn’t drop Icarus’ hand.  “But really, Icarus, we’ll have to address your etiquette in dealing with gods.  Choosing someone else over Athena is exactly how Troy happened.”

Athena waves her hand.  “We’ve all come a long way since then, Apollo; it’s all water under the shattered bridge of your humiliating defeat.  Anyway, Icarus is your lover, I’d hardly expect him to choose otherwise.  The really interesting thing would be to see who he picks out of the sun gods courting him.”

They both turn to look at him, and Icarus has just enough time to feel his heart stop, when the bell dings at the front counter, indicating that someone wants to check out the book, and he flees in a red-faced panic while the gods’ laughter follows him.

——————

And yup, there’s also the retail job.  Another soul-sucking position as stocker, cashier and general drudge; but it’s a consistent paycheck that he can’t turn down. 

It’s at a regional supercenter store, with groceries as well as departments for housing goods.  The place thrives off of desperate college kids to keep its business running; the management cheerfully denies promotions or pay increases on the premise that the students’ schedules will only change next semester, so there’s no use in investing in them for more than menial labor.  Icarus keeps applying for a position as a third-shift stocker, where customer service is minimal and you get overnight pay, but it’s a competitive position.  Lots of applicants.

But he gets lucky one weekend, and he’s called to help cover a shift because one of their regular guys is “in court again,” which Icarus chooses to interpret as meaning jury duty.  But, great news!  He looks forward to three shifts of mindlessly stocking shelves and racks, for slightly better than his usual pay, and with no (or at least, very few) customers to bother him.

“It’s not that great,” explains Amelia, the shift lead, when he comes in almost skipping in delight to be there.  Amelia is a gruff lumberjack sort of lady (lumberjane?), with a tattoo of Ruby on one arm and Sapphire on the other (Icarus wonders if Garnet is tattooed somewhere in the middle but it seems impolite to ask).

“It’s really hard to coordinate time to hang out with your friends and family on this shift.  Or get stuff done out in town.  Your sleep schedule is all messed up, and you have to take Vitamin D pills, which naturally isn’t covered on insurance,” she goes on, as they drag out two pallets of dry groceries to restock.

“I’ll trade you jobs,” Icarus offers.  “We can talk to Mark on Monday and do an even swap, day shift for night shift.”

“Pfft!  Nope, not that desperate,” she grins at him.

Night shift is everything Icarus hoped for.  They companionably stock shelves and chat occasionally.  Shenanigans abound on night shift, as the workers have learned by now that the video monitoring is solely concerned with theft during these hours, rather than professional behavior, as there aren’t many customers to impress.  The workers joke and chat and it’s like heaven.  Icarus would buy industrial-sized containers of Vitamin D if that’s the price of this kind of peace.

Of course, the peace doesn’t last too long. 

A guy comes in around 1am… someone that looks… familiar to Icarus.  He’s got blue hair, a cap with wings printed on the sides, and possibly the most hideous clothes Icarus has ever seen in his life, which is what tugs on his memory.  He has definitely seen this guy wearing a similarly outlandish outfit somewhere before.  On campus, maybe?  He can’t remember. 

The guy wanders around a little bit, occasionally putting clothes and accessories into his basket that match his aesthetic of “random, ugly and colorful.”  Icarus tries to ignore the red flags going up in his brain and carries on stocking.  He’s in the household goods section, stacking a few novelty coffee mugs, when the inevitable happens and the guy approaches him.

“Icarus, right?” comes the voice, inquisitive and bright.  Icarus flinches and turns.  Blue-haired guy is watching him from a few feet away, peering through the ugliest sunglasses Icarus has ever seen.  There’s a small smile on the guy’s face, and that’s what finally clues him in, where he’s seen him before.  He’d been talking to Helios, once, near the alley where he’d first run into the sun god.  He’d been smiling then, too – actually, Icarus gets the distinct impression that this guy is probably always quietly laughing to himself, at a joke that only he gets.

“Uh – yeah, that’s me.  Icarus.  Do you… know me?” he asks, a little uneasily.  He’s not sure what to expect, here.  Sure, his gods (is it all right to call them that?) seem to be generally positive towards him, but if more gods start showing up….

“Sure do!  Apollo and Helios talk a lot about you.  The rest of us are starting to get curious.”  The guy’s smile deepens a little and Icarus is sure there’s some secret joke there.  “I’m Hermes.  Everyone’s favorite.”  He winks at Icarus, who returns the smile nervously.

Hermes appears to notice the mug still in Icarus’ hand all at once, and lights up.  “Oh, that looks great!  Let me have that!”

Icarus looks at it.  The novelty mug is hideous.  It’s a model of the ancient view of the world: a turtle forms the base, with four elephants as pillars on top of it (apparently you’re supposed to keep cookies or something in there?) and then the flat earth, which is a saucer for the actual mug which is on top of the whole mess.  “This?  Uh, yeah, here you go.” 

Hermes beams at him and places the monstrosity in his basket. Icarus discreetly peeks inside: among other things, he can see lavender hot pants, and a pastel-colored sleeveless shirt with a Peter Pan collar and large printed donuts covering the material.  God, is he really planning to go out in public wearing – oh.  No, there’s worse.  He sees a pair of… rhinestone-covered clunky-heeled boots on roller skates.  Does this store even sell those?

He blinks at the sight and gestures weakly at the wall of novelty mugs behind him, as *Hermes* admires his find (How is this Icarus’ life now?).  “Uh – well, H-hermes, I guess – I would have thought you’d like this one more?”  The mug he’s pointing at is simple, and comparatively non-ugly: it’s white, and the handle is made to look like wings, and the words “Speed Limit: ∞” are printed on the front.  “You’re the fastest god… right?” He asks, suddenly anxious that maybe he’s remembering wrong and he’s about to offend one of the gods, but Hermes only grins.

“Yup.  Objectively true,” he says, plucking this mug and putting it in his basket also. 

The sound of hushed whispering and muffled giggles reaches them, and they turn to see Amelia and Joey (the tiny-framed red-headed girl who works in grocery most of the time) watching them from the end of the aise.

“Is this your boyfriend, Icarus?”  Joey sounds breathless, probably squeeing internally.  Joey does that a lot.

“Oh.  I thought you’d be the twink,” Amelia observes with a grin.

“Ah-ha.  That’ll bring him down here,” Hermes says softly with a chuckle.

Icarus goes crimson and starts waving his hands.  “Nononono, we’re not – I’ve never met this guy before today!  We’re definitely not dating!”

“Damn right you’re not!”  Icarus tries hard not to groan at the familiar voice as it floats down the aisle towards them. 

Helios scowls mightily at all of them (eyes glowing where only Icarus and Hermes can see them) and drapes himself very possessively across Icarus.  “I’m the boyfriend, here!”  he jabs his thumb at himself before giving Icarus an aggressively demonstrative kiss and cuddle.

Both girls look impressed and make suitable aww-ing noises (Amelia also mumbles something unintelligible about a three-twink scenario).  A couple other employees are wandering over to see what’s going on.

“Well, one of them, anyway,” Hermes notes cheerfully, earning another death glare from Helios.

“The best boyfriend,” Helios asserts, latching on to Icarus with fierce jealousy.  “What are you doing here, anyway, brat?”

Hermes holds his hands up in a universal ‘Who, me?’ gesture.  “Just here shopping!  No harm, Helios!  Icarus was just recommending a product to me – ah, here it is – ”  he holds the winged mug aloft.  “Since I’m the fastest of us.  Winner of every race and so on.”

This proves to be a sufficient distraction from his jealousy, as Helios bristles at this clear challenge.  “You cheated in that race!  Everyone knows you did!  Your stupid floppy sandals wouldn’t have stood a chance against my chariot!” 

Hermes hums a little and shrugs.  “I mean, except for when I totally did win.”

Helios steams and detaches one hand from latching onto Icarus, in order to point accusationally at Hermes.  “Cheated!  You probably rigged the whole thing!”

“You up for another challenge?  For the right to drink from this mug?”

“Ohmygod,” says Joey, eyes lighting up; “We can settle this.  Supermarket Sweep!”

“NO WAY,” Icarus attempts to protest, but he’s drowned out by cheers of approval and shouted challenges from the two gods.

It’s only after several display stands have been knocked over, and the store aisles look like a hurricane blew threw, and Apollo has come down to yell at Helios for missing a solar event that was supposed to be visible in the Western European Time Zone, and Hermes wins the contest and has held his prize mug aloft in triumph and Helios is consoled by everyone (including Hermes) that at least he still has the cutest boyfriend… only after all this, that it occurs to Icarus that Hermes absolutely didn’t pay for that mug.

The mug turns up as missing on the inventory that week, along with a few random items, all unrelated to each other except for the fact that they’re all aesthetic failures. 

The video feed for that weekend shows nothing but footage of all the workers doing their jobs innocently.  None of the employees says a word about the contest, but Icarus get winks from them all for months afterwards.