#the way i have so many fic ideas and zero energy to write any of them

[moonsnqil]

aftg au where andrew is a bartender at an arcade bar and neil is a regular who's there to play pac-man every wednesday

[strongheartneteyam]

I wish I could

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!curvy!human reader

CW: angst, risky pregnancy issues, fluff, fingering, masturbating (female receiving), breeding kink, pregnancy kink, size kink, exophilia (extraterrestrial kink), monsterfucker

GUYS I'M SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE THIS FIC some of you already know why but to the ones who dont: my life became so chaotic, all of a sudden, that I could barely log in here. I literally spent days without logging on tumblr. I had zero time and was always exhausted. But now my life is back at the tracks (thank you God 😭) - even though it's still pretty hectic - so I was able to find time and energy to write this chapter. Hope u like it 😘👀

Not fully proofread 🤡

Chapter 7

♡

You woke up in pure bliss. Many moons had passed now, your belly had gotten even bigger, your baby had grown. You're living two dreams at once. You were a mother and mated with the one person you've always loved. The owner of your every thought and your every girl-in-love-kind-of-sigh ever since you remember. You were carrying his child inside of you, you would often feel the little baby you both created together kicking your ribs. It brought tears to your eyes. You still don't know how it came to be, how a fully hybrid baby could actually be conceived. You know very well how Neteyam and you *created* the baby, but you have no idea how you actually were able to get pregnant. If it makes any sense. You laugh to yourself.

Things had been a little hard given that your pregnancy was a risky one (interspecies relationship things...) but if you don't count the fact you were feeling so fatigued, heavy and having a bit of trouble breathing from time to time, you had been great. Nothing too much, nothing that made your life quality decrease.

You stretched yourself and got up from your mat, walking towards the space inside your home where you and Neteyam kept the food, water, cooking utensils and such, as you were dying to eat breakfast. This pregnancy was making you so hungry most of the time. It's no surprise. You're carrying a half na'vi child in your human womb. Your fragile body needed way more nutrients than the usual.

You stopped for a second and look through the entrance of your house. You smiled at the view of the Pandoran nature out there, the birds singing, the green grass, the heavy tree branches. It filled your heart with a comforting, wholesome feeling you can't even put to words.

Everything seemed so perfect. Too perfect, actually...

You were eating a piece of the meat Neteyam had hunt for the both of you at dawn, just before he went to train with Jake. You had cooked it with some herbs and a little salt, that you would always ask some human acquaintances to bring to you from the lab, when you felt a horrible, almost unbearable feeling in your belly. "Ma Eywa, what is this?" You asked yourself, heartache and anxiety covering you. "Please Great Mother, don't let anything happen to my baby. Please." You were in the verge of tears when you started to feel weak and dizzy. Everything around you looked weird and distant. Finally, you were unconscious on the floor. Thank Eywa you were sitting, not standing. The fall would have been way worse.

➳

You opened your eyes and sunlight was scorching your eyeballs. It came from the door. You were still at your home with Neytiri and Dr Evelyn looking at you, one at each side of your aching body, while you were laying down in your mat. Neytiri was the Tsahìk and Dr Evelyn was taking care of you as a medical professional since you first found out you were pregnant.

"What happened?" You ask, head aching and confused

"Oh, thank you, Great Mother!" Neytiri exclaimed "You passed out, my dear. Kiri found you laying on the floor unconscious when she went to visit you to bring you some fruits and herbs she had collected this morning."

"I was so worried, (y/n). I was afraid something very bad would happen to you or the baby. Or both of you." Kiri had tears in her big eyes and her pretty face was still recovering from the shock. Seeing that made you feel a stab in your chest. She really, really cared about you and your baby. And of course, it was her brother's baby too. She was now not only your best friend but also your sister-in-law.

"Is everything okay with my baby?" You asked, fear taking over you

"We've checked how she's doing through an ultrasound and yes, she's okay." Dr Evelyn says in a calming voice

"...She?" You ask

"Yes, it's a girl." Neytiri says, smiling at you. "You and Neteyam will give us a babygirl as a grandchild." She was smiling, referring to herself and Jake, such an honest feeling of pure happiness could be seen in the na'vi woman's yellow eyes

You smiled, your eyes gleaming with tears. You were gonna have a babygirl. You were gonna give Neteyam a little daughter.

"And there's something that we wanna tell you. Your baby looks really different as she is a hybrid. She has mixed features in her face, na'vi and human. Her nose is like Neteyam's nose and so are her eyes, but the rest of her face is more human like. She also has long slender legs, like her father. But she's still a little smaller than common na'vi babies. She has four fingers and no stripes. And she has a queue. She will be able to make tsaheylu." Dr Evelyn said, smiling

"That's... incredible. My babygirl... She will be so beautiful... She seems to be more na'vi than human, though." You laugh a bit, imagining your daughter's cute little braid and her small tendrils. "But you guys did not tell me what happened. I mean, why did I pass out? I remember feeling a terrible pain in my belly. But the baby is okay, I didn't lose her, thank Eywa. But what was happening to my body?"

Neytiri started to say: "My son is na'vi, even though he has human blood in his veins too. As he impregnated you, his na'vi DNA helped form your placenta." You felt your face burn as your mother-in-law was saying that. She was just nonchalantly saying that her son impregnated you. You didn't know if you were just too shy, if the na'vi had a way more chill perspective about these things, even more than you already were aware of, or if it was because you were the one in the spotlight right now, but you were blushing a lot, your cheeks so rosy. "Your body did not know how to react to that, as you're human. Your placenta is being seen by your body as an invasive substance, to sum it up, because of Neteyam's DNA being so different from yours. So, your belly started to hurt. But Dr Evelyn and I have already taken care of this. You don't have to worry, darling. I prayed to Eywa. I performed a healing ritual on you. You'll be fine, Ma (y/n)."

"I gave you an injection that eased your pain until it went away and eventually you woke up. You're gonna take one of these shots everytime you start feeling pain in your belly, okay? We think it will happen a few more times. Take it as soon as the pain starts. The sooner, the less risky for you and the baby. It contains chemicals and Pandoran herbs that will help your body slowly understand that it's okay for your baby's placenta to be inside you and it will also help you feel less pain." Dr Evelyn advised, holding a small glass tube in her hand filled with a greenish liquid.

Suddenly, you heard heavy hard footsteps approaching. You breathed in relief when you saw it was Neteyam. His dark braids dancing in the air as he approached the entrance of the house he built for the both of you and your child.

"Neteyam!" You exclaimed

"Yawne..." he said, looking at you with loving eyes "Are you alright? Is our baby alright?" He sounded so worried "Lo'ak reached me and told me about what happened. I came as fast as I could but, you know, the forest is very big."

He walked towards you and when he got to where you were laying, he sat on his heels.

"Yes, our baby is alright. I'm okay too. And we're expecting a girl, by the way." You looked at him smiling wide, chest filled with a genuine feeling of joy and almost euphoria

"I give you my gratitude, Great Mother." Neteyam said a prayer to Eywa, smiling in relief "I can't believe it! We're gonna have a little girl." Tears of happiness were streaming down his beautiful face, running through his dark blue stripes

Everyone in the room looked at you and Neteyam smiling. Neytiri looked in a motherly way to the both of you, her fangs showing as she smiled. Kiri was smiling widely, her brows furrowed. Dr Evelyn was smiling but showing no teeth. Every person there looked happy for you two, na'vi, human or mixed.

But nobody was happier than Neteyam and you. He kissed your forehead while putting his big hand on your pregnant bump. You felt your girl kick, a pain coming through your ribcage. Neteyam felt it too. "She kicked. Our babygirl just kicked, my yawnetu. I felt her little kick." Neteyam smiled in awe, looking at you as you smiled back at him, your heart beating fast

Neteyam looked at his mother. They smiled at each other and she put her hand on his shoulder, then, looked at your belly, in an affectionate way

"Oh, my Eywa. I'm starting to really love the idea of becoming an aunt." Kiri said, still sitting a little further from everybody "Damn, so many tears in only one place." The Omatikaya young girl said, chuckling, as she sniffed because she never stopped crying since she found you needing her help. Thank Eywa her tears were now tears of delight

A big wholesome laugh could be heard in the room after Kiri said that, coming from everyone's throat.

➳

After everyone had left, it was only you and Neteyam at your home. Jake had freed him from his Olo'eyktan training for some hours so he could stay with you after what had happened. He would only go back later in the afternoon.

"Oh, yawntutsyìp... I thought I had lost you and our baby." Neteyam said, holding your face with both his huge hands

You put your hand over his, rubbed your face on his palm and then kissed it. "You always act so tenderly towards me, my love. You're my everything. And I love the way you care so deeply for our child. I can feel your love for her pouring out of you. You're so amazing." He smiled and leaned in for a kiss, which you were already planning on giving him

Your lips touched and he held your waist tightly. Both big hands on each side of your body. You felt a shiver coming down your spine. He kept kissing you, slowly but passionately. His velvety lips so warm, wetting your lips with his saliva, setting your whole body on fire as he gave you many pecks but then slid his tongue inside your mouth, breathing deep through his nose, making you moan for him. "I wanted to die just thinking about losing my mate and my child. I'm thankful you're here. I'm so thankful our baby is still safe inside your womb." His hands moved from your waist to the sides of your belly. Neteyam kept kissing you, but, in a softer way now. "Your baby bump feels so good in my hands." He kissed your lower lip, suckling ever so slightly on it, your lip between his upper and his bottom lip.

"Teyam. Sit me down on your lap, please." You said, a knot forming in your belly

Neteyam gave you a small dirty smile and sat on the mat. He grabbed your hand and led you to sit on his lap.

"Like this, yawntutsyìp?" He asked, looking deeply into your eyes. His big amber eyes were so enchanting, so ethereal...

"Yes, my mate."

Neteyam opened your legs slowly, his hand traveling up your thigh while he kissed you. When his hand reached your pussy, moving your panties to the side, underneath your skirt, you whimpered at his lips. "What? You like this, my love? You like the way I caress your small body? Specially when my hand touches your little pussy?" He was looking at you, eyes so hungry for your body

"You get wet so easily now that you're pregnant. And your pussy feels even tighter." Neteyam says while two of his long four fingers explored your folds slowly. You moaned, biting your bottom lip. "So tight for me." He cooed. Neteyam's thumb reached your clitoris and he started to stimulate it, rubbing circles.

"Ahnnhh... feels so good, Teyam."

"Yeah, my yawntutsyìp?" You hum in confirmation "I love your little cunt. Love this swollen belly so much. Ahhh, baby... It makes me so hard. Do you wanna touch me and feel how hard I am for you?" Neteyam asks, breathing heavily

"Yes, Teyam. Please."

☆•.°☆•.°☆

Sorry for leaving you guys hot and bothered and cutting the smut in half like this 😂 please, don't hate me 🤡😇

Your feedback is always much appreciated 🤍🤍🤍

Taglist:

@lik0

@live-laugh-neteyam

@sweetllamaparadise

@a-blog-name-2003

@cautionworks

@behindthearcane

@yeosxxx

@anxietydrogz

@destinylb

@thelxnelyworld

@ducks118

If I'm forgetting anyone now or have forgotten to tag anyone in the past chapters, please, comment below asking to be tagged. Also, anyone can ask to be tagged too 💙 ily bye

[bunny-hoodlum]

not tryna start fights lol. i really enjoy the descriptions of your story’s (they’re really different than most nh stories) but i hate reading unfinished works 😭 ive read wayyyy too many nh stories that end up with cliffhangers so i just wanted to know if there’s any reason why they all seem unfinished before i start getting invested

It's just an odd question to ask, is all, and you could've started your ask with this. Think about how your question came off. I had zero context behind your question and it just sounded bad. Like, most fics online are unfinished. Or they don't get updated for a long ass time. Or the writers just update when they feel like it, as opposed to most who update whenever they can.

Some people have family obligations, physical and or mental health issues.

Me? I probably have ADHD-Primarily Inattentive, I can't afford a diagnosis just yet, but I've always struggled with motivation, organizing myself, energy issues, headspace/focus issues.

Does having multiple ongoing fics seem counterintuitive? Yes, absolutely. But also, no, not at all. Because I'm having fun having multiple things to jump between.

I didn't plan to start multiple things in such a short amount of time. I participated in NHMonth2023 to the best of my ability and found out I understood how to write and thus rly enjoyed short stories, after kind of avoiding and not trying for the entirety of my fandom activity. Being in the discord has inspired most of these new ideas and instead of letting then stay ideas that I might forget about, I decided to make them a reality.

It's really all circumstantial how my Ao3 got to the way that it is. None of this planned or on purpose or all that easy to explain. Look at how long this reply has gotten already.

If you're intrigued but can't get invested, there's nothing I can do about that. If you don't like waiting for something to finish, then you don't. You already know what you like, how you want to handle your reading experience, etc.

Writing takes time. Like a lot of fucking time. When I get in a groove, it takes me all day or all week if I'm lucky. I'm more motivated to finish a chapter in single sitting than I am getting up to eat on those kinds of days, and I wish they'd happen more but I can't be neglectful like that. There's chores, there's spending time with certain people, there's my job, etc.

I actually do gotta slow my roll because my husband is feeling kinda down lately, so I'm going to try and be more available for him and work on my fics at a more casual pace.

Maybe by the end of the year you'll be able to finally read a handful of my new short stories, cuz lord knows when I'll get around to completing my slowburns and doing them justice. 😅

But yeah, just don't read them if you only read completed works? What am I supposed to do about that? 😂 Check in again in a year, see if there's any completed works. That's rly all you can do.

[moon-lv3r]

are you into me? ~🦋

🦋 category: one-shot, x reader, high school!au

🦋 characters: jolyne, ermes, f.f, anasui, mentioned jotaro and jotaro’s wife

🦋 summary: in which you get to work with your crush, jolyne, on a project

🦋 warnings: nil

🦋 notes: a short and simple story !!! i love jolyne hehe

i’ve been wanting to write a fic for her for so long

Jolyne Kujo, famous throughout your school. One of the popular kids did not seem to care about their status. She just existed and lived the way she chose to. Hermes Costello was her much tougher looking best friend, though they were both equally as tough. The other person was known throughout the school as F.F., nobody ever called them by their real name.

You did not know why you were so drawn to Jolyne. It seemed as though there was something to her, something more. She often had people leaving notes in her locker, though no was always her response. It never stopped Narciso Anasui from trying over and over again, even when his best friend, Weather, tried to stop him.

You were one of those who had never tried. You just admired as she walked around, laughing with her friends. Watching as she was content with her life.

All you shared with her were classes. Not once had there been any opportunity for the both of you to exchange words, neither did you ever develop the courage to do more.

You would just remain in the background of Jolyne’s life while she remained the star of the spotlight in yours.

It was something you were content with.

After all, it was just a small hallway crush on her…

It wasn’t anything huge… right?

Jolyne often laughed whenever she was in the presence of her friends. Many people seemed intimidated by her, but she was a really sweet soul. You often wondered what kind of parents could raise a girl like her, you were really curious about that.

Sometimes, you could really understand why Anasui was so smitten by Jolyne. You could really see it, she just had that type of energy in her. Though you often wondered why Anasui refused to give up his relentless pursuit of Jolyne. It was clear that she had bore zero interest in him.

Perhaps it was the thrill of the chase that he enjoyed?

Or maybe the chances that he could just get a yes next time?

Sometimes it seemed as though Anasui was just delusional and desperate. But you admired how he just had the courage to keep trying, you would never have the bravery to approach the wonder that was Jolyne Kujo.

Sharing a class does not mean that you could just approach her. There was just something preventing you to.

Fear perhaps. Maybe it was just that, just fear preventing you from doing what you ever so wanted to do. Fear of rejection, embarrassment and everything negative under the sun.

It seemed as though fate had something else planned for you. Maybe fate hated you, and decided to go against your wishes. Because if fate was on your side, why would it go against your fear and create an opportunity for you to talk to the Jolyne Kujo?

It was a group project. For science, biology. Technically it was a pair work. You had no idea if you loved the opportunity or not. Your mind raced, your heart panicked. What does one do in such situations? Should you make use of the opportunity?

Anasui seemed to be salty at his unfortunate luck, though he still found a way to be around his beloved. Not that she paid him much attention. Should you try your luck? You had no idea. It seemed as though you were given a chance, however, you didn’t know if you should actually use it. Would Jolyne’s gaze ever fall on you? It seemed like a gamble. A high risk one at that.

But then again, what was life without a risk?

You never really know unless you take a leap of faith. What was the worst that could happen?

Do you really want to take the risk and find out? Or would you rather stay in the dark?

There was only one option…

You decided that taking the risk was better than doing nothing. At least you won’t live with the regret of never knowing what would happen if you just tried.

You had messaged for Jolyne to come over for the project the both of you had to do. Though Jolyne said that her house would be better and more convenient for the both of you, so you agreed. Was it that easy to be invited over to her house? Sure it was for a project but you hadn’t expected for it to be that easy.

You had heard that the Kujos seemed to be rather well-off. They even had a foster son, named Emporio Alnino. Jolyne’s father was a marine biologist and a rather famous one in his field.

That family seemed to have it all. How lucky they seem.

Their house seemed to shock you as you took a step into it. The decorations seemed foreign. Jolyne was part Japanese so you assumed that that was where the furniture originated from. Just how well off was this family?

“Uh,” you began awkwardly after stepping foot into the Kujo residence. “…Nice house?”

Maybe you should just die after the awkwardness.

Jolyne laughed as she led you into her room and motioned for you to put your items in a corner. “Well I am lucky that my family is rather decent,” she said. “My dad can be a bit weird sometimes.”

“How so?” You decided to ask, making an effort at continuing the conversation. This was the furthest you had ever gotten with the woman of your dreams. It would be a pity to throw it all away now.

Jolyne laughed and shrugged the question off, claiming it was some family secret. You figured that you shouldn’t dig too much into it since it was her own family stuff. You wouldn’t like it either if people pry too much into the car accident that had your mother killed.

“So erm Kujo… What topic do you think we should do?” You asked.

Jolyne shrugged, “I was thinking that maybe something on abortions would be alright?”

“Why that?” You asked, wondering why Jolyne picked that out of all biology related topics they could have chosen.

Jolyne shrugged, “It’s a good topic. I also heard one of the guys in our class talking about how abortions are bad, I am going to piss him off with this. And get a good grade while doing so.”

She winked as she said her final sentence. So pretty…

You smiled back. “That’s fine by me!”

Jolyne was such a funny girl. She was really focused on the work that the both of you were doing as well. The numerous opened tabs on her computer were telling enough of the hard work that the both of you were putting into the project.

All of those research and scriptwriting for the presentations, all spent with Jolyne. You had the perfect opportunity to get to know her, and everything about that girl just made you fall even harder. How could someone be this amazing?

There was one time where Jolyne decided to show you her makeup collection. Her favourite shades of lipsticks, her favourite eyeshadow palette… It was hard finding green lipstick, it took her awhile to find one that didn’t feel too drying on her lips.

It almost felt like Jolyne was speaking a foreign language as you were listening to her talk about her favourite makeup products. What even was a highlighter? It was an eye opening experience, to learn about all this stuff. You even let Jolyne experiment her makeup on you.

It was a soft and natural look that she did on you. No fancy colours, just simple natural looking makeup as she did not want to use makeup that was too heavy for your personal liking. You quite liked the look as well.

You two even watched a movie together. It was a romance movie. Jolyne did not quite enjoy the movie, she found the romance to be bland and boring, but the actor was handsome. You thought the romance was cute, maybe because you kept picturing Jolyne in your mind as you were watching. Perhaps it was delusion that got you through the movie.

You and Jolyne enjoyed different genres of movies, yet got along just fine talking about the movies you guys watched. You had been to her house so often that her mother knew your name. Her father didn’t seem to mind your presence.

As time went on, you and Jolyne often exchanged conversations about your personal lives. The both of you were officially friends outside of school. It was sweet. There were even times where the both of you had lunch together.

Soon, the deadline for the biology project came. You were nervous, it was a presentation in front of the whole class. Of course you were afraid, why wouldn’t you be? At least it was on a friday, so you could look forward to going home and relaxing.

“It’s alright Y/n, just hold my hand,” said Jolyne, her hand reaching out to embrace your trembling fingers.

“Thanks Kujo,” you replied, gently holding onto her hands. You hadn’t realised how much your hands were shaking and how sweaty your palms were until you held onto Jolyne’s hands. She did not seem to mind it though. Her thumb gently rubbed against your skin, it was her way of showing you that things would be alright.

“Call me Jolyne,” she smiled. You nodded. You were finally on a first name basis.

The presentation went by smoothly. It was a controversial topic to say the least, as you and Jolyne made it clear that the both of you were not against abortions. Some people had quite the reaction but your teacher seemed to like the presentation and the information presented.

“We are getting that top score!” Jolyne whispered excitedly as a glimmer of mischief shone in her eyes. She glanced over at some of the people she managed to piss off in class. “Would you look at that!”

“Yeah!” You laughed, and caught the jealous eye of Narciso Anasui. He was not happy and how close you and Jolyne have gotten.

It was not a surprise when Anasui suddenly confronted you during lunch, when you were by your locker.

“When did you get so close to Jolyne?” He asked. Though his tone made it sound like a demand. He was definitely jealous of how his fellow competitor managed to get closer to Jolyne. Closer than he ever could.

“Uh, we just worked together and clicked,” You replied.

Anasui sighed,” Why can’t I click with her like that.” He almost seen… disappointed. He was much less scary now. He looked like a puppy who just lost his owner.

“I just… Uh… We just talked and got to know each other more. Nothing much really,” You explained.

“What’s the problem here?” Hermes’ voice echoed in the mildly filled hallway as she stumbled upon you and Anasui.

Anasui turned around to face the girl with a frown, now resembling a bulldog. “Nothing Costello, mind your business.”

Hermes rolled her eyes as Anasui left. “L/n, you alright? Jolyne was trying to find you.”

You nodded, “Yeah I’m fine. Why does Jolyne want to find me?”

Hermes smiled, “That’s for you to find out, she’s by the carpark.” Hermes finished her sentence with a wink. “I have to find F.F. now. See you around.”

You headed out to the school. There Jolyne was, sitting on a railing, the wind blowing past her braid. It was a peaceful sight. If only you could savour it every second for the rest of your life.

“Y/n!” Jolyne grinned when she saw you. She motioned for you to make her way towards her.

Whatever Jolyne had to say, it was good news. Some grand, world changing news that she was about to reveal. You were nervous, yet excited to find out what she had to say.

“What did you want to say?” You asked.

Jolyne jumped down from the railing. She placed her hands on your shoulder. “Well, what do you think it is?”

You could only shrug. You had no clue. What could be so exciting?

“Well, tomorrow. Are you free?” Jolyne asked.

“Jolyne, you’re asking me out? Is that it” You replied, wondering if it was really that simple. Hermes’ tone and Jolyne’s smile seemed to suggest otherwise.

Jolyne laughed, “It’s a date. Idiot. I know you like me Y/n.”

Oh…

Oh.

She knew?

You went dead silent.

But wait…

She was asking you out…

So…

Doesn’t that mean…

Does Jolyne… feel the same?

“I like you too Y/n,” Jolyne admitted. Her tone was soft, like a whisper. She seemed shy as she admitted it while you grinned from ear to ear.

“A date it is!” You announced.

[gumnut-logic]

*sneaks into your asks with WIP questions*

8. ♻️A scrapped idea for your current WIP

Follow up question if you’re up for it - how do you deal with shedding stuff that isn’t working?

(I’m struggling with getting attached to ideas or bits I’ve written and it’s hard to say nah I’ll bin it because WORDS exist 🥺)

11. 🛠Is there a scene or anything in the WIP you are struggling with right now?

(Any tips on pushing through? You’ve written so many amazing epics I’m guessing there must have been times you got around a problem)

*lurks and awaits nuggets of nutty wisdom*

Ooooohkaaay, a scrapped idea ::pokes brain::

When I start writing, a good part of the time, I have no idea where I'm going. Sometimes I will have a single scene to write towards, sometimes I will scribble down a vague skeleton of an idea, but a lot of the time I have the scene I start with and then have to work out how the hell they got into that situation.

For example, my current 'Virg got shot' fic. I wrote that from a prompt that pretty much outlined the scene in purpose. Someone interrupting another person, trying to get their attention, but that person is too busy and brushes them away, until they say that they are shot and the freak out happens. Which is essentially what I wrote.

The purpose of writing it was just to write. I had zero plans of expanding it, I don't need any more wips. But then...

What about Scott's point of view? Would be interesting to see his thoughts, so I started writing that second bit. John poked his nose into the equation as I often like to let my characters' thoughts wander - it can be entertaining.

By the end of writing that bit, the fic is calling out for more. What's next? Could be a hospital scene...eh, boring...hmmm, why did he get shot? Is it related to anything else that has sprung up in the story? Damnit, I can't write tomorrow cos I have to work all day pretty much 8am - 8pm. But that is not going to stop me from building ideas.

But anyway, I'm waffling, I do that.

For Sweetapple part 3, I have a definite scene I'm writing towards. There will be a moment and I will love it and it will be great. Whenever I finally get there. And if it plays out as I see it or the story demands something else, well, hopefully that will be fun, too.

Cos sometimes those scenes change. 'Gentle Rain' was all about one scene that occurred in Chapter 12, but that scene never happened in the way it was conceived (cos it would have killed da Virg and we can't do that), so it came out differently. Ultimately I find character logic and plot demands write the story.

I have written myself into corners, even one where things took a sharp turn simply because I didn't have the energy to write what needed to be written if the story continued in the direction it was going. See if you can work out where I changed direction in 'Who do you save, John?' It bugs me each time I reread it and I'm tempted to write an alternative ending because it could have been so much more.

Then there are the fics with massive plot holes that I can't fix and just have to watch them as they sail past. 'The Tattoo' has a massive hole in it, but I wanted to explore the concept, so completely ignored it. The pedantic in me has a fit every time.

And I'm still waffling, sorry.

A scrapped idea...none in my current wips because...hold on...Callisto. I stopped writing Callisto because it was Virgil's birthday at the time and I needed a break, but mostly because I felt I was writing into a corner. Virgil was too whumped to function and I needed him to be funtioning. Multiple rereads has me questioning that decision, I could just keep writing and work around it. Also, Jeff isn't working the way I wanted him to, plus the Mechanic went on the voyage but hasn't had any impact on the plot. Wanted him to do stuff, but it hasn't written itself. So I stopped to re-evaluate. Unfortunately that is not how I normally write and stopping was a mistake cos I stopped...for years. I haven't thrown bits of the fic out yet, but it needs some fixing.

If I do 'throw something out' of a fic, I always keep it. I have a file that usually sits next to my main fic file that says something like 'Callisto - cuts'. I stash cut text in there just in case I need it later. Most of my long fics have one of those files sitting around somewhere.

What am I struggling with? This is also for @sofasurf ::hugs:: who also asked.

My problem isn't ideas, it is usually focus. Put it this way, if I was a kid in school now, I'd be diagnosed with some attention difficulties or executive dysfunction or whatever. I'm definitely on the spectrum (that was diagnosed when I was four, but my parents didn't believe the doctor apparently). I've had years of practise working with my brain and have minimised its effects on work and my life (being unable to finish things is a real curse) but as you can see, my creative life is still impacted.

So writing...I can only write in short bursts. My longest ever was 7000 words in one day, all day. Most of the time I write between 400 and 1500 words at a time. I use the Terry Pratchett method of 400 a day when I can, which is why you will often see short bits of my fic flung up on my blog. I try to write to a publishable point and not stop in the middle of a crucial scene or something, but both my working life and my attention span impact on what gets written. Some of those fics were all written on the side of the road outside my kids school in tiny little bits, fifteen minutes here, ten minutes there, that kind of thing. It has been a big thing for me to learn that little bits can make big things. I am now using this theory with my crochet as well :D

As for my current WIPs challenges. It comes back to asking myself questions - why was Virg shot? (I have an answer and I like it, but the fic will likely get bigger and Scotty might need to take out another country :D)

Vamp!Virg fic - currently deciding between POVs for the next scene. Also need to build some world rules.

Getting around problems can be simply switching POV or someone walks into the room. Characters can also be the greatest source of problems. Like the time Alan decided he wanted to visit the site of his mother's accident - I knew the moment I wrote his line that I now had several thousand more extra words to write and a pile of research to do (I now know a lot about Mount Rainier :D). But writing those words ended up with that ending....which I am so soppy about. I wrote poetry for goodness sake.

Ah, it's 10.30pm and I'm rambling all over the place making little sense.

In the end it is just writing. Don't push yourself too hard, remember it is supposed to be fun, not torture (yeah, right) and often a good thing to do is to poke a friend and ask them to slap you around the head a couple of times to knock some sense in. I have had several Thunderfam members do this for me. Thanks guys :D

Write little, write big, just write and see what happens.

Nutty

(sense is apparently optional)

[maigo-san]

for rntn ask game!! ❤️🥵💣💤

🥺🥺hello, zero!! hope you have a great day and thank you for the asks!! Omg, these are some really good questions!!

❤️ - what are your favorite kind of RenTan stories? (Canon, Rengoku lives, modern… etc)

definitely, Rengoku Lives stories since it's just the default. It's so fun to fiddle with it. Maybe it's because of the time period or the fact that it's directly from gtg's ideas, it just hits harder. But I've been really liking stories where one or both of them are mystical beings, whether it's the konpon au, dragon tan, fox scholar kyou~ I can't choose, they're all so gooood

🥵 - what are your thoughts about their rank difference? Did you want Tanjiro to study under Kyojuro?

I think their rank difference is interesting because they're both unconventional. Tanjirou doesn't really care about his rank, he uses his breathing technique almost pragmatically, while Kyoujurou has always been destined to be a hashira. Yet, after that, we don't know what he wanted. It was never explained even in vol 0 or the fanbook, and it might be intentional since gtg also had been using the supporting characters pragmatically, but I also love how it adds to the angst factor.

Imagine living your life not really looking forward to the other side of The Death of Muzan when your whole family, your entire life has been designed and curated to defeat Muzan. He's Sisyphus, if Sisyphus is happy.

So what I like about a Rengoku Lives spin is Tanjirou being by his side, not necessarily being the sole reason for him to live by becoming his tsuguko (since getting a tsuguko is the second closest thing we get to his life goa) just like how Tan becomes his living proof in the canon (symbolized by the passing tsuba) but by being his soulmate.

I've written both where Tanjirou becomes his ideal tsuguko (becomes a tsuguko until the end of the story and even learns a bit of flame breathing because he has a talent for adapting different breathings) but I've also written when he stops becoming one (tho this hasn't been uploaded yet I think) because they find their power imbalance a hindrance to their relationship.

In the end, these are just labels to them and I feel in any scenario, if Tanjirou gets to see Kyoujurou the next day, he'll use every excuse to see him. (this made me remember I have an unfinished fic where Kyou teaches Tan how to sumo wrestle post-mugen train)

💣 - share your most controversial RenTan take. Set your thoughts ablaze!!

BHAHAHA WHYYYYY

Kyoujurou has a fat ass!

jk.

I honestly don't know~ maybe one of the reasons I'm die-hard for rntn out of all of my ships is because I tolerate most headcanon lmfao even the darkest or dead dovey... idk. I wrote and made some questionable stuff myself so usually, if there's an au or trope I can't get behind, it's just how the author/artist executes it and if I have the energy, I'll try it with my own version. I get to make something I like and rntn gets more content

Like for example, I think Kyoujurou is not as experienced as Tanjirou just because he's older. There's barely anything he accomplished romantically or sexually around those five years gap. He's as young and awkward as Tan. But I can see why people would think that. He's adored by so many people. But so was Tanjirou and I feel, if Tanjirou becomes a charcoal burner for a bit longer, it could be the other way around since Kyoujurou is a bit intimidating.

Hey, maybe he learned everything just from three volumes of shunga and erotic novels!

💤 - what are your feelings about Enmu? Was he an effective villain in the story? Do you like him in AUs?

he's so funny, I don't think I can hate him. He's probably the funniest character gtg has ever made aside from zenino so yes he's very effective!! Overall, Mugen Train is very well made and every character serves their purpose very well. I admittedly have never read a fic with him as a relevant supporting character and I barely used him in my fics but if I ever want to write something comedic, I would love to add him.

Thank you for the ask, it's been really fun and made my morning.

ask game

[luthien-under-bough]

20 questions for fic writers

@anamazingangie tagged me - and what better way to procrastinate on actually writing any of my fics??

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 92

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 378,489

3. What fandoms do you write for? House of the Dragon (Daemyra) almost exclusively now; previously mainly Dragon Age: Inquisition and Horizon Zero Dawn, with several different single fic fandoms like Assassin's Creed: Valhalla, Mass Effect, Star Wars, Skyrim, and probably others I'm forgetting.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I found some hate for you, just for show 

better not touch (i want it too much)

i got a bad desire (baby i'm on fire)

do you feel the hunger?

ain't nobody hurt you like i hurt you

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! Sometimes I respond right away - other times it takes me a while to get to it. Tbh sometimes it's harder to think of a comment reply than it is to write the fic - especially those amazing long, thoughtful comments. I always worry nothing I can possibly respond will properly express how happy I am to receive them. But I truly appreciate everyone who takes the time to comment - nothing makes my day more than seeing that Ao3 comment email.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's got to be i've looked at clouds from both sides now - the ending is just purely hopeless angst. Even my necro fic where Daemon & Rhaenyra both die somehow has a less angsty ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

It might surprise people to learn that a lot of my fics actually do end happily, despite my deep, abiding love of angst. peak ends very fluffy and happily; and after some angst in the middle, better not touch (i want it too much) has a very happy ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not outright hate - sometimes I get comments I don't necessarily appreciate, but I've been pretty lucky so far I guess? Maybe I'm not writing fucked up enough stuff, idk.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. Whatever I'm in the mood for - which in the past couple of months has been cannibalism and necrophilia. So. But usually it's some flavor of Daemon being dominant and dirty-talking a lot, featuring my not-so-subtle hand/finger/ring kink and choking kink. I also really enjoy writing Sad Men Jerking Off.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Crossovers aren't usually my thing, although I did recently write a ridiculous HotD/Naked Attraction crossover: Naked Attraction: The Lost Episode.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Only once that I know of, but it was quickly taken down. It was literally a copy/paste of do you really feel alive without me mixed with the work of another Daemyra author.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, with my permission.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, although I definitely take a lot of inspiration from conversations I have with other writers in the fandom. I like to think we all mutually enable each other's ideas, with excellent results. And the #ghost 2 au that you might see pop up from my asks has definitely been a collaborative idea with a number of anons! Otherwise, my writing process is too chaotic to make co-writing really viable. I would end up being too stressed over annoying my co-writer with my disorganization.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Daemyra quickly took root in my brain and became my forever OTP. <3

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have confidence I'll finish all my HotD WIPs. I have an outstanding fic I wrote for The Magicians for a prompt event that is supposed to have a second chapter, but I don't know that I'll ever get around to it since all my fandom energy is spent on Daemyra these days.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I feel like I come up with some interesting premises and can push myself creatively pretty regularly. I feel like I'm good at adjusting my prose and narrative voice to suit the setting? Idk, I like my own dialogue and am not ashamed to admit I make myself laugh when writing a lot of it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Uhhh plotting lmao. I mostly write based on vibes. Also planning, outlining, posting with any sort of regular schedule, etc. Like I said earlier about my writing process - it's pure chaos.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I use High Valyrian phrases mixed into dialogue a lot, but otherwise I'm way too lazy to write in a language other than English because I'm nowhere close to fluent in any other language, and I don't want to embarrass myself with shitty online translations.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter. Dramione was my original OTP. <3

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

My favorites change constantly depending on what mood I'm in. Here's my current fave from each of my fandoms:

ain't nobody hurt you like i hurt you (House of the Dragon)

Something Wretched About This (Dragon Age)

Closer Than My Hands Have Been (Horizon Zero Dawn)

You Don't Have to Go It Alone or: How to Handle Personnel Issues Aboard the Normandy (Mass Effect - okay this is also my only Mass Effect fic but I really like it so I'm including it)

I’m tagging: @grandlovescheme, @delinquentpurplefox, @rainbowslinkyy, @bluegoldrose

(if they haven’t already done it)

[fordtato]

Oh my God. Also - hello.

I definitely expected your timeline video to be awesome, super detailed, and fulfilling, but it's WAY better than I imagined it would be. Wow. I just finished watching the whole thing (wanted to do it earlier, just after the premiere, but unfortunately a thing called school exists and calculus is a fucking brat), and what can I say? I am once again absolutely amazed. You covered every damn piece of evidence that exists, LITERALLY, and put it together so well that it actually makes sense for once! I didn't know it was even possible. So many fans think that the portal incident took place in 1982, Stan was kicked out in 1972, etc. (even though it made absolutely no sense if you looked just a bit closer) that I started to doubt if there's any hope left out there. Turns out there is, and YOU are the hope. The damn Sharpie, THE EURYTHMICS, am I right? And the baby, oh boy, the baby. For the past year, I was so convinced it was Shermie's kid that I hadn't even considered it might just be a fuck-up on Alex's side. Teen pregnancy works out fine in this scenario, I guess.

Another thing I've been very pissed about is the fact that Ford referred to himself as a "man in his thirties" in the Journal 3, which meant he had to be at least 30 in 1981 (it made zero sense if he was 17 going on 18 in 1972), and the fandom magically kept overlooking/forgetting about it. THE TWINS COULDN'T BE BORN AFTER 1951, GUYS! Look at the Nixon portrait, look at the FUCKING SHARPIE! Thank you for pointing that out.

I never thought I'd hear the phrase "Bill Cipher wrote Ice, Ice Baby" and believe it with so much enthusiasm. Huh. Your videos really provide the best comedic content out there, don't they? I literally laughed to the point of crying at least six times, especially during your "I'm Annoyed About Something Inconsequential And I'm Deciding To Vent About It Years Later Making It Everyone Else's Problem Corner." God, it was pure gold. "Oh, you wanna know my gender? I'm not a boy, I'm not a girl, I'm a pedantic ball of rage." ISN'T THAT RIGHT?! The fact that I wrote it down speaks for itself. Anyways - I love your puns/jokes to a very unhealthy point.

What more can I say? I'm FAR beyond impressed (again) - you did an outstanding job with the essay, not only providing us with the best timeline analysis in the Gravity Falls fandom history but, in fact, MAKING the timeline from scratch. Alex Hirsch hadn't really thought it though, had he? "We don't talk about the baby" my ass. Thank 'xolotl we have you on duty.

(Excuse the caps here and there, please. I just got super excited, felt understood, and wanted to express it)

THANK YOU! No idea how much of this timeline is just a coincidence and how much is on purpose on behalf of the writers, but I'VE BEEN DRIVING MYSELF INSANE OVER HERE.

Thank you for watching, thank you for sending this ask, and I hope you enjoy it!

This video has taken up all my time and energy, so for now, i gotta focus on recuperating <3 (And also writing the next chapter of my fic)

[anonniemousefics]

Dear Nonnie!

Being in my thirties, I am constantly tired, depressed, overworked and running on coffee and a strong desire to live another day because in the end of it I can finally go to sleep (to be woken a few too many times by a wee baby). Which is probably how all adults live. All that being said, my head is full of ideas, characters, scenes from the books and stupid shit like that. I am bot a writer, I actually love to paint. How do I find time and enough will to do something about that instead of just lie there on the bed at my free moments? How fanfic writers find the time to write all that awesome staff?

Please share advice and wisdom,

Your anonymous admirer, still alive.

PS. That scene in the prison cell in Fjorda between separated Inej and Kaz was hot as hell. Loved it. As all your others fics, obviously.

Dear Still Alive,

I love you! I AM you! Well, except for one key difference, which is that my baby is not so wee anymore. He’s in school now, which is a game-changer, trust me. Getting enough sleep at night just isn’t a thing I have to stress about anymore – and someday, that will be you again, too. It’s true! I know people like to tease parents and say, like, “Haha you’ll never sleep again,” but I promise they’re full of shit! You will have long, luxurious sleeps again, and when you do, I think you’ll find you have the capacity to do so much more than you are able to now.

So, first thing’s first: cut yourself some slack and give yourself some love. You should rest when you need to rest. The fact that you want to lie in bed today is not failure or poor time management. It’s very possible that you’re lying there on the bed because you NEED to lie there on the bed. You’re doing so much already!! The urge to lie down is a very real physical response to the super chaotic world we have to navigate, made all the more exhausting when you have small children, and it’s just as deserving of attention as hunger or thirst or any other physical need.

In fact, you’re not just allowed to rest, you’re encouraged to rest – that’s actually a vital part of the creative process! I have exactly zero ideas when I’m pushing myself and anxious and stressing myself out. Literally all of my ideas waltz in when I’m having a long shower, or I’m driving somewhere and I’ve got nothing better to do with my mind, or I’m trying to grab another fifteen minutes of shut-eye before the alarm goes off. None of the magic happens when I’m spread thin and I’m forcing myself to cram in 30 minutes of writing because I told myself I had to or I’ll never make it as a writer (which, believe me, I’ve tried this route and it’s nothing but pain and suffering all the way down. 0/10 stars, would not recommend).

So, here’s the switch I made for myself to help me to start to create again, and maybe you’ll find it useful, too. But be warned: it’s not a quick fix, and it’s actually taken a couple years of therapy to get here. Anyway, it’s this: I made a conscious decision to stop guilting myself and instead to trust myself. When I want to use my free time to rest, I rest. When I want to use my free time to read a bunch of fic or just scroll through Instagram reels, that’s what I do. I trust that my body’s giving me that urge for a reason, just like it does with hunger or thirst, and I try to pay attention to when it stops feeling like rest or fun. Because none of those things are inherently bad, you know? Do them. Enjoy them. We need them. Don’t guilt yourself over them – just try to notice when your brain makes the switch to “that’s enough.”

And then, after I did this for a while, something started to happen. As my nervous system got used to having its needs met – and I’m talking not just the basic ones like food and shelter, but like rest and connection and freedom from shame etc. – then I started to have more energy. I started to need less time to lie down. I started to have ideas again, and I started to want to do something with them, and not just in like a wistful “I hope to do this someday” kind of way, but in like a “This is what I’m going to do now and here’s when I will do it” kind of way. And it started little! It started so little, I cannot stress this enough! If the inspiration hits you to sketch a little scene on a napkin, that is still art!!! You are still an artist, and you practiced art in that moment, and you practiced it joyfully and authentically and you should celebrate that!!! Even, and maybe especially, if it doesn’t look exactly the way you pictured it in your mind (because chances are it never will). And then do it again!!! It’s like a muscle, and it will grow a little stronger every time you do.

And then here’s the other amazing thing that will happen, if you start practice art this way – just like how after you’ve stuck with a workout plan for awhile, you start to feel more energized after a good workout, the same thing start to happen when you’re able to create art authentically, joyfully, and without guilt. It becomes a form of self-care. And I can’t speak for all fanfic writers, but this is entirely why I do it. I work in moments to do it (a thing which is a hell of a lot easier to do now that my kid is in school), because when I do, I actually have more energy now, having gone through this growth process. A lot of the time (not all of the time, but a lot of the time) I actually feel more like myself than I would have if I’d spent time doing something else. It becomes its own reward – but before that can happen, it has to be treated like a reward, you feel me? And that means no guilt when you don’t have time or energy for it and lots of grace for yourself when you make mistakes and it doesn’t look the way you wanted it to.

So, I wish I could offer you like the perfect time management spreadsheet or like access to the secret nanny-swap service we all use (I wish), but, for better or for worse, it’s been my experience that the time and the will to do creative stuff comes with rest and a lot of self love and acceptance. And a kid that sleeps through the night. Sorry about that part. That part just comes with time.

Wishing you lots of coffee and peaceful nights.

Much love,

Nonnie

P.S. - I may or may not be working on a sequel to that one. (I am. It’s just taking awhile.)

[tyrantchimera]

Tagged by @shreedle

Row 1:

That's "has" a FF.net account, not "had"

Had a wattpad account, didn't post much I was just taking the username

Have an AO3 account and regularly try yo support the site (though I tried to get a gift once and it never showed up...)

Definitely roleplaysd, never finished anything.

Row 2:

A absolutely used to beta, and not just for friends. I still do on rare occasion but I'm not fast at it anymore.

Don't know if I've published a fully unbeta'd fic but I've definitely rushed a oneshot here or there.

Tried to leave kudos on something I already kudos'd before. Didn't work but "A for effort" lol

Row 3:

The middle is self explanatory. Just look at all the marvel recreations or altered/adapted Shakespeare plays. They just offical AUs.

Multifandom writer indeed. Just look at my pages lol.

Don't always love it, but will often research as needed (ie how children of young ages act or react to traumas for "Finders Keepers". Mind you it was very light research)

Row 4:

I often write a plot outline before any major fic, or just to write down an idea before I forget it. This is the funniest part for me and often the fics don't make it past this part. I like having multiple scenarios and playing connect-the-dots with them. Critical thinking excercises are fun.

I am a feedback whore. Gimme all the validation.

I have done art trades or received fanart, but don't recall having commissioned any.

...too many WIPs and abandoned outlines. Way too many. I don't have the levels of energy or motivation that I used to. Yay Depression...

Editing/formatting is something I do A LOT. The average chapter may get 3-4 re-read and edits before posting minimum before it goes up. And I still miss things XP

Row 5:

I have learned that if I have an idea at 2am or whatever, I have to write it down. Immediately. Or I'll forget and be mad about it.

I am an attention seeker and I want all the attention for all my fics. But especially my Megaman ZX fics, or "Finders Keepers". This fandom needs more live, it's basically undead.

I have a few WIP original books, but as mentioned earlier, my motivation is critically low. And I seem unable to get at all excited about my own characters. It's a problem.

Fandoms I write/have written for:

Megaman Zero, Megaman ZX, Final Fantasy VII, Nefarious, Owlboy, Metroid/Halo, Legend of Zelda, Holliw Knight, A Hat in Time, and so on. Mostly derivatives or derivatives or relative fandoms.

Feel free to do this if you'd like but I'm not up for tagging anyone.

[gregorygerwitz]

Hi, I just wanna thank you for the way you write Thelma and Mouse's relationship. Not letting mouse just forgive her just because she is his mum. Not letting all the past just go unanswered. Idk so many forms of media are so quick to bring back parents who've abandoned their kids and have them forgiven basically straight away. That's always rubbed me the wrong way. And I just wanna thank you for not doing that. Honestly I'm exhausted and this might have made zero sense but either way just want you to know I really enjoy your writing regardless

Hello, nonny!

I assume this ask was brought about by this post I made last night? If not... that post boils down how I feel about those kinds of storylines, especially the way the movie I watched yesterday did it.

This got long, I'm sorry. This is definitely something I'm passionate and have a lot of thoughts and feelings about. Thank you so much for reading my fics and for sending this lovely message. It made me tear up in the middle of the hair salon this afternoon, and I love it and you so, so much.

Warnings for discussions of emotional abuse and neglect, implied physical abuse somewhere in my ramblings, just generally bad treatment of people in many contexts, mention of death in the abstract.

TLDR;; there are plenty of reasons why I write Mouse and Thelma's relationship (and lack thereof) the way I do in all my fics and why I don't see that trend changing any time soon.

Take care of yourselves however you need to. 💜

To me, it feels like a very unhealthy storyline and idea to perpetuate. Especially if a character has, for instance, gone close to no contact with a parent who hurt them (in any way) and expressed how they feel about their life without them in it positively. There's absolutely nothing wrong with setting those kinds of boundaries and sticking to them. I was still really worked up about the storyline and trope of forgiveness in those situations in general when I woke up this morning, oops. But I just... having a "reason" for what happened doesn't mean the person - parent or partner or friend or anyone - automatically deserves to be forgiven and have what happened forgotten about. And setting boundaries and sticking to them is the best response to have to that kind of harm - abuse, abandonment, manipulation, neglect, all of it. That is something I believe wholeheartedly, and applies to everyone, not just messy families:

anyone who has hurt you or made you feel less than worthy does not deserve a single second of your time or energy, and if completely cutting off contact with them is the way to stop their harm, then absolutely set that boundary for your own comfort and safety

I definitely double down on that when it comes to that kind of mother/child dynamic, and namely in the context of Mouse and Thelma, for my own personal reasons mommy issues because I feel like media is definitely worse about those portrayals in general? We have plenty of stories about toxic romantic relationships and people getting out of them, because there's this moral high ground to countering that kind of abuse, in a way? Shitty romantic partners can be replaced, so to speak, with someone better and kinder and gives the protagonist of the story the kind of love they deserve. But society, and the media and therefore the stories we see on our screens and in our novels, really pushes that idea of "you only get one set of parents" and I myself have heard "you only have one mother" within my own home plenty of times, especially when I acted out as a teenager and pushed back against some of the stuff that I write into my fics with Mouse and Thelma. (did anyone else get the "how would you feel if they were to die right now and that was how you left things?" guilt trip or is it just me and Lifetime protagonists?)

Which I have issues with for a lot of reasons. It feels very centric on this idea of a nuclear family - father, mother, their biological children, white picket fence. It ignores the idea of adoption, or a same sex couple, or even transgender issues. It also completely ignores how much chosen family matters to so many people. As we grow, we lose friends we made when we were younger and form new connections that align with where we are in life. We end romantic relationships and form new ones that serve our goals for life better. And that's totally fine and wonderful and we should continue to that. Why is that different with family?

At least we get to choose our friends and our partners, if we choose to have them at all, but our family... we don't get to choose our family. They don't even get to choose us. We get what we get and we just have to live with it, at least for the first eighteen years. And what if the family we're born into isn't what we need to live the lives we want to? Or even survive the world and everything going on in it? Why is this where we draw the line? Why is one family we had no say in the be all end all of it?

And why, when a character makes that choice for themselves to cut off the family member(s) who hurt them, are we suddenly faced with this ethical dilemma storyline where, if they don't forgive their family, they're seen as a bad person? When they wouldn't be considered a bad person if they never forgive an abusive ex, for example? That kind of pain is just as traumatizing as any other "uplifting" or "encouraging" storyline about escaping abuse, but it's different because they're family. Being related to someone by blood (or legal paperwork, because this obviously isn't just an issue in more "traditional" families, I've seen the foster system in this country and it's a mess and a half) doesn't mean they are automatically worthy of your compassion or kindness. Especially when a family that one can be legally trapped in for almost two decades of their life usually does far more damage than, say, a two year romantic relationship. But it gets brushed off or ignored because "families are messy" or "you only get one, so you better appreciate them" or any number of things. And it's incredibly easy to fall victim to someone who can use "because I said so" as a reason for literally anything from the moment you understand speech. It is so easy to manipulate someone who knows no other life than the one they're being given by their parents, this complete authority over their lives and their autonomy.

If someone hurts you, no matter who it is, fuck them, and anyone who says you have to forgive them or give them another chance. Second chances are for people who earn them, not for anyone who shows no signs of changing their ways.

So, yes, I do have a lot of personal reasons for portraying the messy relationship between Mouse and Thelma the way I do. And I'm generally happy with what I've managed to create and explore when I get the chance to write them and their interactions. And I'm glad that other people appreciate it, too. I did, however, accidentally unlock a memory I suppressed while writing this essay, and I hate it, and I might start crying on the couch, so I'm going to cut myself off.

But, if you or anyone ever needs to talk or vent about anything (messy families, messy lives, shitty friends, literally anything), my inbox is always open. 99% of the time (and as far as I'm aware, the foreseeable future) you are more than welcome to stay anonymous if that makes you more comfortable. Or you can come off anon or send me a private message. My ears (eyes?) are always open if anyone needs anything. 💜

I know that these kind of topics are rough to discuss. Please, everyone, do what you need to do to take care of yourselves, check in with your mental health, step back from anything or anyone who hurts you. And remember, you are worth celebrating.

[sailoryooons]

2022 Recap

Thank you @jjkeverlast for tagging me. This seemed like a ton of fun and was pretty nostalgic for me to go through! I've written roughly 400k this year which seems absolutely insane to me, and it all started with Mixtape back in very early April.

RULES:

post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year

your number 1 favorite line you've written this year!

TOP FIVE WORKS I'M PROUD OF

Carved

The Iron Ring

Mine

Don’t Read Dead Languages

Bite Me, Jeon

TOP FOUR WIPS

↳ Everyone knows about the new girl attending the academy. Taehyung has heard whispers about her since before their first day of school - the lone survivor from the destruction of the academy in London. Your arrival brings a tidal wave of weird happenings and mysterious disappearances. Everyone thinks you're a curse. But Taehyung thinks there is something about you that doesn't quite meet the eye.

↳ You've spent your entire life training to become the elite dragon rider everyone knew you would be. But just as you being to reach heights you never imagined, you learn that your history books have lied about the war of Fire and Ash and the fall of the enemy kingdom just across the sea, and the real history behind the forbidden Alchemy of Dragons.

↳The world loves Hoseok. They love his music, they love his energy on stage, they love the way he dances. He is adored, celebrated. No one would suspect that Hoseok has another hobby on the side of the flashing lights and glittering parties. No one knows that in an underground circle where money can buy you anything, Hoseok goes by the name Jack. And Jack is a very good serial killer. Until he meets you.

Omega Zero (bannerless)

↳Namjoon has lived his entire life knowing his purpose as an alpha. He always knew that he would be trained, prepared, and groomed to enter the ORD - Omega Retirement Division. In a world where humans have perfected the human condition by its creation of the beta, alphas and omegas are no longer required. Now the only thing left for alphas to do is what they do best: hunt down the omegas and retire them. But when Namjoon is assigned to a mysterious case of one of the last, elusive omegas in the city, his world turns upside down. Because Namjoon remembers Jungkook, and he's not quite sure if he can do what society demands of him.

TOP THREE IMPROVEMENTS

Writing smut, I think. Honestly, I owe a ton of my smut development to reading endless amounts of @here2bbtstrash and @nabiolive who write some of the most fantastic, toe-curling smut that you can imagine. Practice makes perfect and reading a lot of their writing helps my skill a ton. 

World building. The Iron Ring was the first fantasy fic that I started on here, which is my preferred genre and it was a huge overall of world-building, establishing lore, and planning ahead and it is largely responsible for the dramatic increase in my ability to invent worlds and come up with ideas for other fics. 

Being more inclusive - my first few fics on here are rampant with too many descriptions or attributions to reader that aren’t broad enough to fit enough audiences, but as I’ve written more I have tried to really hone in on making my works as inclusive as possible, which really relies on leaving any physical part of reader as blank as possible. I’m not perfect, but I am working endlessly on that. 

TOP TWO RESOLUTIONS

Write a minimum of 200 words a day. It’s not a lot at all, but that way it will help slowly make progress every single day. 200 words is 100% doable, even on bad days so I really want to try this out. 

Read more fics from other writers. It’s so hard to balance reading and writing in this space. I am constantly churning out content and when I’m not, I am trying to give myself the mental grace and break that I honestly should do more often, which means I don’t read other writer’s works because it feels like too much for my brain to do at the time. Next year, though, I really want to dedicate a single day to reading others works, which is  totally stolen from @here2bbtstrash

ONE FAVORITE LINE I'VE WRITTEN

“You are beneath me in ways you cannot fathom.” - Carved, Chapter III

[green-socks]

Endless Nights

Pairing: Benny Miller x gn!reader (no descriptions or pronouns)

Summary: You and Benny can't seem to get enough of each other's company. Could tonight be the night you find the courage to do something about that crush?

Words: 2,101

Warnings: Nudity but not the sexual kind, food/eating. Almost zero editing and a tired writer.

Notes: I don't always participate in Writer Wednesday, but when I do I take one look at the picture, get an idea and then go completely off the rails. Sorry. So the pic doesn't really have a lot to do with the rest of the fic but I hope that's okay. For this week's @autumnleaves1991-blog Writer Wednesday, thanks for organizing it every week!

I had the idea for midnight shopping at the supermarket with Benny and then realized I didn't want the night to end there... So it didn't. I actually like this piece, even if it probably suffered a lot from my fast writing and non-existent editing. Reader is mentioned having shorter legs than Benny but other than that I think there are no descriptions or pronouns used of reader, lmk if I'm wrong.

MASTERLIST

You and Benny have been driving around aimlessly for a couple of hours already, taking turns in picking the music, and talking about this and that while sometimes falling into a companionable silence. It still amazes you how easy and comfortable everything is with him. You have never felt like this with a crush before, used to the feeling of always obsessing over what you felt like you could and couldn’t say or do, or spending a lot of time and energy into trying to figure out what the other thought.

No, with Benny you don’t have to pretend anything or force yourself to keep the conversation running in fear of those horrid awkward silences, because both of you know that you can talk for hours on end when the mood strikes. You met through mutual friends only a few weeks ago, but the connection was clearly there. As was the obvious mutual attraction.

Strictly speaking, though, you and Benny are just friends. Nothing has ever really happened to indicate otherwise in any case. But friends don’t usually try this hard to find any excuse just to hang out, nor do you stay up late every night talking to your other friends. And when you hang out in a group you always seem to gravitate towards one another. What’s more, somehow it always seems to be just the two of you left at the end of the night, often not even noticing the others leave.

Your interactions always border on the line of obvious flirting with your touches and already formed inside jokes, but neither of you ever dare do anything that couldn’t be brushed off as innocent behavior between friends. You guess you’re both just kind of scared to take the leap - you have been burned before, and so has he.

It’s not that you doubt your own feelings for Benny, or indeed his feelings for you. Even you have to admit that he does seem pretty interested in you, but you still wave away your friends’ squeals of “he’s totally in love with you!”, mainly not wanting to get your hopes up too much.

Because a small part of you still finds it a little hard to believe; someone so handsome and funny and kind wanting to be with you? What if he likes you, but just not as much as you like him? What if you were just a second choice for someone you really like until something better comes along - again? That scares you, both of you.

Tonight has been like many other nights lately; you had been to the movies with some of your friends, but after the movie ended you had been grasping at straws to come up with a way to continue the night so they (Benny) wouldn’t go home just yet. Benny had helpfully suggested just driving around and seeing if any ideas came to mind.

Santiago in turn had rolled his eyes at you two knowingly (making both you and Benny fluster and try to fake complete nonchalance) before saying good night and leaving with the others, who apparently didn’t feel the compulsive need to continue spending time together.

--------

The sun has gone down already but you two are still enjoying each other’s company too much to go home yet.

You end up in the 24/7 supermarket parking lot, craving a midnight snack. You are reminded of your teenage years, when you used to hang around different parking lots, popping into the store to buy a soda or a candy bar, spending all day outside with friends.

The only other customers doing their midnight shopping are tired people just off their shifts or young people staying up late just for the hell of it, much like you and Benny are, in fact. You wander around the huge store together, pointing out different products you’d like to try and reviewing stuff one of you already has tried.

Before long you realize that you have already spent almost forty minutes idly wandering around the supermarket, collecting new soda or chip flavors to test. Neither of you thought to grab a basket at the entrance, so your arms are starting to get a bit full.

“Benny, do you think this might be enough?” you ask while struggling to maintain your hold on the different bags of chips.

Benny looks back at you from where he is pondering over whether to get some ice cream. “Huh, I guess. I do still wanna get a sandwich, though!” he exclaims and promptly takes off in the direction of the deli counter where they sell sandwiches and salads left over from the day.

You try to keep up with his long strides, certain that you must look a bit comical half-running after a man with your hands full of treats. Oh, well. Benny often complains about how much focus it requires of him to “modify his steps” to fit your much shorter legs, and he always forgets about it when he gets excited.

When you catch up with him, he has already picked a sandwich for himself and one for you. “I got you salmon, that’s your favorite, right?”

“Yeah, thanks!” you say a little breathlessly after your speed-walk, taken that he remembers.

As you finally get to the cash register and start loading your stuff in your bag you see Benny sneak one more candy bar among the rest of your purchases. For someone in such good physical shape he sure does like his candy.

“Where to next?” Benny inquires as you get back to the car.

“Hmm, how about this one waterfront type swimming spot? It’s pretty secluded, has a pier, and there’s a nice view to the sea. I sometimes like to sit there on the cliffs to watch the sun go down,” you suggest, and offer him directions to the place.

It’s a short drive and you show Benny where to park his car. Even though it’s somewhere around 1 a.m. and the sun went down hours ago, the night is still light enough that you can easily see where you’re going and it doesn’t feel like you’re just sitting in the dark.

You settle down on the small pier with your sandwiches and sodas and chips and munch away happily.

Benny hands you the candy bar you saw him grab earlier at the cash register “for dessert”. It has a cheesy text on the packaging about giving this to someone special. He grins and shrugs, “I know you love these”.

It’s such a simple gesture but you can’t help feeling really flattered and even more smitten with him than you already were. You don’t read too much into the text on the packaging, but even the fact that he would buy you a candy bar he knows you love - just because - warms your heart.

(What you don’t know is that the candy bars have lots of different texts to choose from, and that Benny specifically picked “give this to someone special” instead of “give this to a friend”. There was also “give this to someone you love”, but Benny worried that might scare you off.)

--------

After you’re both done with snacking you try to think of what to do next, still reluctant to pronounce this night to be over, you get an idea.

“You know what I would really like to do right now?” you ask Benny, looking out over the water that looks so tempting. “Go swim,” you announce, turning to look at him.

“You don’t have a swimsuit with you, do you?” Benny asks, turning to look at you too.

“No… But there’s no one here,” you point out with your eyebrows raised in challenge.

Benny looks at you for a few beats with a blank expression on his face, before shrugging “Alright,” and throwing off his hoodie and t-shirt, jeans following next. “What are you waiting for?” he shouts over his shoulder as he jumps from the pier into the water.

You’re left sitting there with your mouth open, blinking rapidly as you try to catch up with the fast turn of events. Shaking your head, you stand up and shrug off your clothes before quickly running after Benny and getting into the refreshing water.

The night is still warm, and the water feels wonderful. You swim to catch up with Benny.

“You know, it’s pretty dark here but I’ve basically seen you naked now,” he remarks, waggling his eyebrows, and you snort with laughter.

“Benny, you’re not allowed to make me laugh in the water or I’ll drown,” you try to say sternly.

“Oh sweetheart, I wouldn’t let you drown,” he answers in a surprisingly serious voice.

Suddenly the energy between you is full of.. something. Something new and buzzing, sort of scary but also exciting. Something you can’t quite explain. You’re swimming around each other, looking at each other intently, but not daring to say anything that would break the moment and burst the bubble.

Someone else does that for you.

A couple of teenage girls, you’d guess around 18 years old, stumble on to the pier and immediately notice you two in the water. The other girl lets out a shriek and tightens her hold on the towel around her, and before you can even try to reassure them that everything is fine, they run off giggling and shrieking some more. Evidently, they had had the same idea for a nighttime swim but found the place already occupied.

“Yeahhhh, maybe we should put some clothes on before someone calls the police,” Benny suggests dryly.

You two climb out of the water giggling and grinning broadly. You don’t have any towels with you since you didn’t exactly plan this impromptu skinny-dipping session, but Benny gives you his hoodie to help keep you warm.

Sitting back down next to Benny you’re even closer together now than earlier, ever so slowly inching closer and closer to each other. Both of you think you could pass it off as huddling for warmth if the other were to question it, but somehow you know that won’t be an issue.

Soon enough you’re snuggling together on the waterfront overlooking the sea. You stay quietly like that for some time, maybe fifteen minutes, maybe more. It’s hard to tell when the world is so still and quiet around you.

Suddenly you think that this is it, this is the moment you’ve been waiting for. In all honesty you sort of enjoy the pining stage of new relationships, but right now you feel like you might burst if you keep these feelings inside you any longer.

You turn and burrow your head into the crook of his neck and decide that you will have to take the leap now. You start pressing gentle kisses on his neck and hear Benny’s breath hitch at the first contact of your lips on his skin. He goes still as a statue, but you can feel more than hear his unsteady breathing at your actions. You’re practically vibrating with nervous excitement as you work your way up to his jaw and towards his lips.

Taking one final deep breath you close your eyes, not daring to look at Benny in the eye right now, as you bring your lips to meet his.

The kiss is sweet and unhurried, and yet your head is swimming and your whole body is buzzing with it as you melt into each other. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt, which just proves that everything really is different - better - with Benny. You pull away when you find yourself quickly out of breath just from feeling so much.

You finally dare to open your eyes to find Benny gazing at you with a dazed expression that surely mirrors your own and you slowly beam at each other, not feeling the need for words just now. Maybe you couldn’t even find them if you tried.

You settle back against his chest and the two of you stay like that for the rest of the night, sometimes spending long moments just kissing each other, sometimes talking quietly, sometimes just enjoying each other’s presence.

--------

Around five in the morning, when the sun is already getting up, you finally start to really feel the need for sleep. But this time it doesn’t feel wrong to leave and go home, since you’ll be going home together.

Later that day you wake up to a good morning, sweetheart in Benny’s arms where you fell asleep on his couch, tired but happier than you’ve ever felt in your life.

[grayintogreen]

Ok top 10 critical role fics but specifically ranking them by how much acespec4aspec energy they have (and feel free to shoot anything back my way if you want)

[whispers] i don't know if i have any. i might be the WORST asexual when it comes to judging the level of aspec energy a fic has. It's either "these characters are super close but not sexually" or "BANG BANG INTO THE ROOM"

Sooo with that in mind, I will give you ten fics in no specific order that are focused on close intimacy between two characters with Zero Sexual Content or Implications (except for the last one but only because of a dragon trying to seduce Caduceus and the NOPE that occurs because of it. It's fun I promise.

come around when you break by maybetwice. This is a QPR poly fic if I've ever read one even if it's not necessarily labeled as such. It's angsty, but it's also about the Crownkeepers taking care of Opal after the last epc of EXU.

the first (and last) soul saved by one Caduceus Clay by InTheMidnightHour. Ever write a fic and then someone turns around and writes the same idea twenty times better and you are just so fucking grateful because that idea deserved many fics?? Yeah, this is the SINGLE BEST Keyleth and Caduceus become close friends fic ever. It is very sad though. (But hey bonus points since the two characters involved ARE both aspecs.)

Mongrel Mind by PlaidOnSad. A short piece but it involves Fearne giving wolf!Chetney some scritches and I am starved for fic of these two of any kind.

Flesh in the Fruit, Blood in the Wine by Beauteousmajesty. When I say INTENSE platonic bonds, this is what I'm looking at. A beautiful Fearne and Orym piece with great Fearne POV.

Moon in its Grasp by Myzic. A really nice Kingsley and Caduceus piece. This one might be stretching the "intimacy" definition a bit.

aequilibrium by orange_yarn. Another really good Crownkeepers piece highlighting their close intimate bond. Really good Dariax and Opal friendship vibes.

The Purest Priorities by wtgw. One of my definitively FAVORITE fics about Jester and Artagan's close bond.

Deep Dive by JungleJelly. WHAT'S SEXIER THAN WIZARDS?? WIZARDS WHO AREN'T FUCKING AND JUST BEING BESTIES IN AN ARCANE BALL OF HORRORS.

it takes two by wastrelwoods. Most of my platonic intimacy fics are Beau and Molly because I love them. This is probably my favorite.

here be dragons by starkraving. a FUN Caduceus&Beau fic about a dragon trying to court Cad and he's just "oh... No... that's okay."

[nevermindirah]

game thingy: 🎢 🎯 🤗 <3

Hiiiiiiiiiii <33333333333

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

I think I have to give this one to you have the right to lose control. The rapid-fire veering between friends-to-lovers fluff and politics and cameos with all that kink in between is hilariously chaotic looking back on it. No impulse control, just like Nile!

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

Oooooooooh this is such a good question! I'm not thinking of a specific instance so I might have to come back to this. 🤔

Well, there's all those times you and I have been tossing around ideas and I'm trying to draw out the suspense and you start screaming ARE THEY GONNA KISS

Because yes. They're gonna kiss. They're always gonna kiss.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Write things that bring you joy! Write things that you enjoy thinking about while you're writing them, because sentence structure and word choice and all that mechanics stuff is a bitch and no matter how much you love a story it'll get frustrating sometimes, so it's important to enjoy lots of aspects of the writing to counterbalance the inevitable annoying parts.

Take shortcuts! I recently put a post in my queue about "not sure how to transition one scene to the next? don't write a transition at all, throw us into the next scene, just put a little separator bar in between them, readers will go with it!" This is GREAT advice. Writing's a craft that you build over time, and even when you have a ton of experience and skill, sometimes you want a story to exist but you don't have the energy to make it everything you can imagine it could be, and that's totally ok! Write the parts you're most excited about and string them together with the laziest most formulaic one-sentence explanation of what could otherwise be several chapters if that's what you need to do. Zero shame. This is a hobby

Sometimes it's wonderful to stretch yourself and do things the hard way. I'd never written anything longer than a few thousand words when I started writing I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore and I bit off WAY more than I could chew with that story. Looking back now, with all the experience I've gained in the past almost 2 years and over a hundred thousand more words, there's a lot I would do differently — but writing that fic is how I learned the things that I brought to everything I've written since. If you've got an idea for a story that feels too big for your abilities, it might work best for you to put it on hold and try some easier things first, or it might work best to write the essence of it with lots of shortcuts, or the time might be right to stretch yourself. You don't ever have to stretch yourself if you don't want to. If you decide you want to, and you have the energy to devote to what might be a long process, I can tell you it's rewarding as hell.

Most of all, write things you want to read! I absolutely adore comments and reblogs and screaming messages but my number one audience is me. This is crucial for me as a person with ADHD — there is absolutely no amount of external reward or punishment that can hold a candle to that internal sense of "OOH SHINY" in terms of causing me to accomplish a task. I've struggled for a long time in many parts of my life with following through on long-term projects, and it's been honestly pretty healing for me to get to read and re-read my own fics and soak up the satisfaction of having completed something that I now get to enjoy.

Writing gifts and stuff like that for other people is a lovely part of the social stuff of fandom but you may never get the amount or kinds of validation you might want for your writing. That's nothing against you, hypothetical writer just starting out, that's because sometimes people are too tired to leave a comment on your fic they loved, or they might not say the words you were hoping to hear, any number of things that aren't personal but still can be a bummer when you're waiting for those AO3 comment emails. But no matter what feedback you do or don't get from others, you'll always have the pleasure of experiencing as a reader what you've made as a writer. Hey look, this super cool person named Past Me wrote these fics all about my favorite characters with only my favorite tropes and none of my squicks, fuck yeah!

[indiaalphawhiskey]

I don't know if you've been asked about this before, but may I ask how can one just "focus" on their WIP to finish it. I've been making my Our Flag Means Death AU for a month now but I can't help myself to make other fics as well, the ideas are just drowning my brain tbh 😔. Any tips or what to do ?

Hi darling! ❤️

Oh, wow. That’s quite the dilemma.

Okay, so first off, I have to say I know exactly how you feel — I have prompts and AUs swirling around in my head all. the. time. It’s crazy, and sometimes, it makes me sad when I realize there’s no way I could possibly write all of them in this lifetime, in a way that does each story justice.

I think that’s just how creative minds work — it’s so easy and so tempting to find a new AU in the everyday that it’s just hard to stop. I don’t have a surefire fix for the problem, but I can suggest some things.

1) When you’re writing longer fics, it’s easy to get distracted by AUs because thinking up an idea is usually the most fun part of writing. It happens to me when I hit a wall or an issue in what I’m actually writing, because it’s just more fun to let your mind drift to a story that doesn’t need you to work. But then, you have to remind yourself that each AU is going to have its problems, and while a new story may seem easy at first, there’s always going to be a moment where the writing is a struggle.

2) Not all prompts have “meat” to them. Some of them are just cute ideas that don’t necessarily have a larger story, and you tend to realize that when you sit with the idea for awhile. You’ll find that not every idea can be expanded into a full fic, and some AUs really are just going to be drabbles or meme ideas.

Which leads me to…

3) Write drabbles and ficlets and time stamps. Sometimes, your brain needs a break from the plot of it all. Sometimes, you just need to write a fun little scene where you don’t have to think about too much exposition or backstory. Sometimes, you just wanna write smut with zero build up. 🤷🏻‍♀️ let yourself do that. Bang out a 500 word scene with no pressure and no context in one of the ‘verses you’re interested in, and post it on tumblr or as a snippet series on AO3. Usually, this change of pace will help you both attend to your craving to test drive that new AU, and clear your mind so you can refocus on your bigger fic with refreshed energy.

4) It’s okay to write slowly and table fics for awhile. Something I learned after I started writing was that there are stories that will demand to be written, no matter how many times you try to put them down or how many other smaller things you write in between. It took me three years to complete OLNF. I didn’t look at that document for 7 months, and I still ended up finishing it because the story demanded to be written, however slowly. Sometimes, you can’t put a timeline on creativity, and as hard as it is to accept that, you have to trust your creative timing and your creative process, no matter how frustrating.

Hope this helps! Good luck! 🍀