#the way i’ve been crying rn because of the episode i’m watching is crazy

[taetr4ck]

WAZZAP PEOPLE i’m back (kinda) 😋! things got reaaaaally really busy on my end and i’m sorry for that 😭 i’m currently taking a rest and rewarding myself atm by watching way too much netflix and legend of the blue sea (this is my comfort kdrama please 😭) ANDDDDD THANK YOU FOR THE 400 FOLLOWERS PLEASE IM ABOUT TO BAWL ☹️😭😭 i’m so glad people enjoy the works i put out. i literally love you all, and that fact would never change ‘til the end of time. thank you thank you all so much, i’m always grateful to you all 🫶🏻 i’ll work on y’all’s requests next week ! just need to breathe (sleep) for a while. i love you all <3

[starrjournals]

y’all i just had a eureka moment. i know it’s been a while but i’m gonna get right into it. so my eureka moment was me being upset with myself for not playing with my cat enough and basically shaming myself for not doing it when i know it is affecting his health. i was unemployed for months guys that means i was home all the time so i constantly played with my cat. to go from that to waking up and getting ready to go to work with no time to play with cat before work or just like a couple of minutes to then be out practically all day and then to come home so tired u don’t want to the next day and are just trying to rest but u have to play with ur cat bc he doesn’t deserve to be sad bc u don’t play with him! so yea as u can tell a lot of shame there but honestly that’s okay bc it made me realize that i get burnt out quickly at jobs. because at first at jobs i’m fine i’m working all i can it’s a new place new energy no one knows you, you know? but now that i’ve been there like 2-3 months i’m tired of it. i’m overdoing it and getting burnt out and not properly resting. i don’t feel well anymore. i need money to live and afford stuff but it’s costing me my mental health. this is terrible having to pick which one to take care of. i wish i could do both but i can’t. i feel mindless again. i don’t want to. now i know i’m doing better now i can tell what’s happening. now i can improve and accept myself and give myself accommodations this time around. ngl i’m proud of myself for being able to come to this conclusion. but wait there’s more ! in the entry i beat myself up a bit more abt not playing with cat and realizing that i’m burnt out and realizing that’s why i couldn’t play with cat. also made me realize that i am an avoidant. i avoided my feelings, i avoided my body, i felt disconnected from my body. i want to do better for myself. i have to learn how to accept what i am feeling and work on not avoiding what’s bothering me. i deserve better. realizing i’m avoidant also made me realize that’s why i ended my friendship with a long time friend- bc i didn’t want to hurt their feelings. i still don’t. it’s scary. (seen 234 rn) but i do know i have to do it and i can’t act like nothing happened and that nothing is bothering me. so yeah. that’s basically the entry BUT U KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT!!!! WHICH IS CRAZY BC IT PRACTICALLY CONFIRMED IT !! RIGHT AFTER I CLOSED MY JOURNAL AND THANKED MY PEOPLE AND TOLD THEM I LOVE THEM I AEEN A CAT WHISKER RIGHT IN DRONT OF MY JOURNAL THAG WASJT THERE WHEN I STARTED!!!!!!!!! I LITERALLY SCREAMED INTERNALLY!!! LIKE BROOOO???!!!! (my ears ringing) HOW DID I START NY JOURNAL ENTRY?? TALKING ABT NY CAT . IN THAT MOMENT I WANTED TO CRY BUT LIKE HAPPY TEARS BC THAT LITERALLY CONFIRMED IT LIKE IT MADE ME SO HAPPY IM . (ny ear stopped ringing) so yeah just a lil update i think that’s it, i just really wanted to share that. WAIT THE BEST PART IS THAT I WAS WATCHING BOBS BURGERS AND THE LAST EPISODE WAS OF TEDDY AND BOB DISCUSSING SIGNS FROM THE UNIVERSE AND I KNEW THAY THAT EPISODE ITSELF WAS A SIGN THEN ATTER THAT FINISHED I WENT ON MY ONONE AND IDK I GOT FRUSTRATED AND DECIDED TO RIGHT. SO BASICALLY,,,,, the universe is always listening and the timing is always right. i didn’t want to yell that part. and it sounds so cheesy but it’s true like bro coincidence after coincidence. naur way! so yeah thank u universe for always listening and putting up with me. i love you.

[wincore]

Ooh okay ai sounds cool. I'm into stem too !! I've chosen math, phy, chem and computer science but I only have a vague idea (?!) ab what I want in college and it's kinda freaking me out bc most of my friends are so clear ab what they want to do later on in life 😭 😭 For now I'm rewatching high school musical for the 7830487474th time just to de-stress myself from the whole 'think about the future thing' bc I'll be starting senior year after in 2 weeks (smth ab coming of age Disney movies are calming) OML MOON YOU LIKE OCHEM ?!?! JDKDN  I've been learning it for over a year now and still haven't gotten a hang of it 😩 I'd choose calc over ochem in a heartbeat bc calc doesn't suck the few braincells I have like a vacuum cleaner. So I'm gonna use the 2 week break I have from school to understand ochem once in for all 😤 Gintama sounds interesting <3 animes with comedy are literally the best thing ever. As for one piece I've always wanted to see it but I freak out when I see the number of episodes it has 🥴 to quote lana's i suddenly realize my archnemesis is hot (during a battle to the death) one piece is like the grey's anatomy of anime and YES I'VE READ THAT FIC ENOUGH NUMBER OF TIMES TO QUOTE IT AND HDJSKDK SHRUBCHENG READING ONE PIECE FOR YOU, MISS MOON, HAS GOT TO BE THE CUTEST THING EVER but !! I don't blame him for being whipped this is miss moon we're talking about 💞 nct finally did smth for ppl who can't keep up with them lol nct news is a v v v smart idea + the little spoiler news anchor!jeno gave for the dream comeback in March made the vid even better ksjdj. Also, we're getting a rv comeback this march so it's gonna be one crazy month <33 AND I FINALLY FINISHED READING CORDUROY ANDBFKKDNDMD OKAY I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE FIC 🤩 bff2l is one of my fav tropes <33 the fic made my yangyang brainrot phase even more intense. I'm in the process of binging all of your yangyang works <3 beginning from troublemaker bc it's such a classic (okay your whole 00line 'bad boy' series is a classic) to the wayv + Sci fi au. Now my brainrot has escalated to the alien!yangang state jdndi the tags made me cackle so loud XD 

p.s. header for corduroy is so cute why is it so yang2x of him to not figure out what playing ts' you belong with me means 😭 talk about hopelessly oblivious cutie idt even cupid can help him - 👻

honeypie, i am so so so sorry for the late response 😭 my life has been swamped and i've been feeling overwhelmed for a while now </3 

it’s alright to figure it out along the way!! that’s kind of what i’m doing too?? it’s a mix of ‘yeah, this is fun, this is what i want’ vs ‘life allows me only these few paths at the moment’. don’t stress too much and make decisions as best as you can 💕

honestly i binge disney to destress too hsdskh but sometimes i end up crying as the cherry on top 🤩 (cough cough encanto and turning red) but they are such a comfort spot for me !! i hope you’re doing better now though, sweetheart, and taking enough breaks like this!

SDDJDSJGJ it’s been a while since i’ve done ochem ngl but it was fun when i did it bc i actually used my brain back then 😩 the only thing i remember rn is grignard’s reagent ?? i got fun, sexy vibes from the reaction idk <3 and i absolutely ADORE calculus !!!!! it’s kind of the reason i love ai, because neural nets use a bunch of calc, even tho it drives me insane sometimes LOL and yes, on the occasion, i solve problems on differential equations just to feel something 😔 (like just 1 bc it drains me)

god, if a man reads one piece for me i will get on one knee so fast. lana knows my type too well 😩 and right???? i’ve read that fic so many times i could write my graduate thesis on it miss lana’s talent is unmatched 😤 pls do give gintama a try tho bc it’s so funny, it cheers me up every time ❣️ it’s more so for one piece, but it def looks a little daunting to newcomers 😭 1.5x is your friend if you ever wanna watch.

i can’t keep up with nct once again 💔 but omg the rv comeback!!!!! my queens never disappoint and my gf standards have once again been raised to miss kang seulgi and miss kim yerim 🥰

AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH, LOVE !!! it’s been so long since i’ve written anything and this put back the will to write in me piece by piece ugh 💖 yangyang is lovable in a rat kind of way idk it’s so much fun to write him hshdk omg the scifi au brings back memories it was so FUN to write!!!!! god, i’m gonna do something like that again if i ever have the time hhh thank you so much for compliments on the header!!! i think i gave up when i was making it but i’m glad it gave off cute vibes 🥰

hope you’re doing well this week, love!!! have a good time and stay safe 🌙

[ajsoot]

Welcome to me “live tweeting” The Walking Dead as I watch it, starting with season three. Spoilers. Duh.

Watch me go on a journey of self discovery and simping.

TW discussion of death/zombies and swearing and caps

Day One

Episode One

Michonne with her machete and zombies on leashes “am I attracted to this?”

Also, Maggie in her rugged survivalist look? Definitely attracted to this.

Holy shit Rick what the fuck??? No hesitation just chop that leg off. Damn.

Episode Two

Carl baby please be careful I love you. Don’t be that way, be safe and don’t put yourself in danger of zombies my dude

Holy shit he just killed the big guy no hesitation why did the prisoner do that??

Also what the fuck Rick??? No hesitation again machete to the brain. Mans is badass and also scary. Also locking that other prisoner outside with the walkers??

Carol is a badass and I love her. She definitely was able to grow into an amazing character despite her hardships. I’m glad she is taking it upon herself to learn how to take care of the baby and make sure she can have the baby safely.

I just jumped out of my skin Hershel please don’t scare me like that???

Maggie is so pretty oh my god

Walkers are gross.

Is that michonne and Andrea watching? Who’s watching her cut open that girl?

Episode Three

Helicopter crash? People still using a helicopter? In contact with people?

Andrea is really sick. I’m worried about her.

Also, definitely attracted to Michonne with her machete.

Oh gross but also awesome that dude is chopped in half

OHHH TRUCK who’s that?? Is it our boys? Nope not our boys. Yikes these guys sound scary. Yep totally scary. They killed the survivors. Yikes. I hope Michonne knows what she is doing.

Is that Daryl’s brother?? Merle?? Totally is!! Too bad he’s a dick

Government experiments? This is what I’m thinking.

The governor makes me uneasy. I don’t like him. Michonne doesn’t either, which makes me think she’s right.

Michonne has this really sexy kinda wild woman look. Almost feral, half tamed. It’s so attractive oh my god

The governor just totally shot and killed all of those military men. What the actual fuck??? This show has more plot twists than zombies, and that’s saying something.

He’s a manipulative bastard fuck him. Creepy ass man with heads in tanks in his creepy as room.

Episode Four

Why are we luring walkers inside?? Who’s doing this? Is this gonna hurt my boys?

Rick is kinda dark in this. I don’t know how to feel. I really like Daryl though. He’s easily my favorite.

Merle is a huge dick. Holy shit. Anybody he vouches for is automatically not a good person. Except Daryl.

Who the fuck is trying to kill the prison? I’m not happy with this.

Ma’am now is not the time to be having a baby. Of course she would have a hard labor. Ma’am now is NOT THE TIME TO BE DYING

T Dog is dead and I am crying now thanks

Oh my god it’s the crazy prisoner from before. I should have known that would come back to bite Rick in the ass.

Maggie is amazing I would die for her. Literally die for her. Also Carl. Would die for him. I hate that he has to watch his mom die. I hate this. CARL NO DONT DO IT YOU CANT SHOOT YOUR MOM AND BE OKAY

Episode Five

I’m low key pissed at the governor and his “paradise” cuz Carl deserves better and I will die on that hill

Does he have a walker little girl? Is that his daughter? What the fuck??

My cat is trying her hardest to escape my dorm room because I am gasping so much.

Rick you cannot check out now. Your baby and your son need you.

Okay never mind maybe you can that’s low key kinda hot. Feral Rick is low key kinda attractive. Am I discovering something about myself rn?

Yep I’ve never been more attracted to a woman with a sword before

“They were family.” I’m crying. Glenn love.

The Governor can suck my dick. He’s an asshole and a manipulative dickwad.

Oh my god that is genius a walker trap with wind machine and giant pits. Genius.

Daryl being all protective and a good second in command makes me feel some type of way (holy shit I am discovering something about myself)

If there are small children walkers, I’m gonna lose my shit.

Merle is awful and I would gladly run him over with a bus. Repeatedly.

Andrea is seeing what Michonne is seeing. I hate that she was gaslit by that dick. Okay she’s still being gaslit by him. Damn it Andrea just go.

Michonne gives me high key bottom lesbian energy. Don’t @ me I’m right

I don’t want kids and Daryl holding a baby makes me explode a little

“Little asskicker” is adorable and I love Daryl so much.

The walker got to Lori before Rick did and he’s really upset about it and now he is digging in the walkers stomach and I’m not happy with it. Yikes

Daryl is so soft oh my god I love him.

Who tf calls an empty prison during a zombie apocalypse?

Episode Six

Michonne is a badass. “GO back” wrote with a literally zombies arms and legs as the g and o and using a literal torso as back is so funny to me and is ICONIC

Literally a Queen just a badass woman ❤️

Who tf is on the phone? A woman? In Woodbury?

Merle is a dick to everyone. At least he’s consistent

Puns in a zombie apocalypse are funny but maybe not appropriate?

Man on the phone is a dick

Is Rick losing his mind? I doubt it, but like maybe. Also Hershel is amazing for an old dude with one leg

Okay I was googling photos of Maggie and Michonne, and like hello pretty women

But then like hello??? Am I more attracted to them or do I want them together??? But like Glenn and Maggie is really cute.

[boba-beom]

:’0 I miss going to sleepovers where I could stay up all night and watch stuff with my friends, it’s been too crazy with covid and then exams, so it’s been over a year since I’ve been able to stay overnight at someone’s house, hopefully soon I can tho :D I think like 3 of close friends and I are planning to take a trip out to her beach house late, so I’m excited to see them and hang out again!

I haven’t really started any new shows bc of exams as well, but I’m hoping that over the summer I can! I’ve been watching the Owl House’s new season, but that’s about it! And I also saw Luca on Disney Plus the other day! It was rlly rlly good :) and the same goes with music haha, I’m going to try and redo my playlists over the summer to make them more interesting and add new things, but that’s about it!

How about you? Do you have any recommendations for things to watch or listen to?

Ah that’s true. I hope it get’s better wherever you are though because miss rona needs to go and it’s long time overdue since we’ve been able to have a sleepover. But don’t worry we took a lateral flow test the night before and everyone’s negative so it was all good. And I mean, as long as we’re staying safe and taking precautions then we can only hope the situation gets better! But yo!!! A beach house sounds so nice, and I think that’d be really good way to reunite with your friends again~

As for shows, again, I haven’t heard of Owl House until a few minuted ago but I’m assuming it’s popular or most watched rn?? I might watch an episode to see what it’s about 👀 And LUCA!!! Omg that hurt my heart- I watched it last week with my friend like an hour and a bit before bts’ live replay of their muster and I did not expect to cry from that movie. So the transition from crying at the end of Luca and then chilling and watching the muster was something ☹️

I’ve only gotten back into watching things and committing to it since I usually stop after an episode of two, but I’ve been hooked on Sweet Tooth which is a new netflix series and I love it! I also watched Cruella a couple of days ago and I’m ngl, I quite like Disney’s take on showing the villain origin story. I just find it interesting because it’s just seeing things from a different perspective.

[broadwaycantdie]

Race’s Quarantine Journal

( Race’s POV ) + ( Diary ) + ( High School AU )

a/n: aka me projecting

sorry this is shitty, i’m just feeling a lot rn and i wanted to get it all out

warnings: mental health, mentions of self harm and death, language

March 10, 2020

Everything has been crazy. People keep talking about some virus going around. It’s probably not too bad, I’ve had the flu before.

March 13, 2020

My school just sent me an email saying we can’t go back until April? Huh? Well at least I can finally get a break. School has been kicking my ass. I need a nice little vacation. I’ll relax and hang out with my friends. A quick little month long break ain’t too bad my senior year.

March 18, 2020

You’re telling me that my teachers are still giving work on this break? And they want me to video chat with them? Hell no. This is my vacation. I’ll just catch up when we go back to school.

March 21, 2020

So my parents aren’t letting me leave the house? It can’t be that bad. Maybe I should do my own research cause there is no way that all these shops should be closing and that I can't leave. I don't know what I’ll do if I’m stuck in this house for a month. All my friends can't leave either. Maybe we can just video chat I guess. I’ll see them soon enough anyway.

March 31, 2020

I’ve done so much research. Everything is so bad. So many people are dying. No one is doing anything about it. Why the fuck isn't anyone doing anything about it? Why are people still going out? Nothing is open. Go home.

April 1, 2020

I woke up today hoping this all was a crazy April Fool’s prank.

I wish I was right.

April 6, 2020

I was supposed to go back to school today.

Instead I got another email saying the closure got extended.

I don’t know when we’ll be able to go back.

April 10, 2020

I’ve been picking up a lot of hobbies.

Mostly I’ve been dancing. It calms my nerves. I’m going crazy in this house.

I tried painting but that got messy. I tried reading some books but words have never been the easiest things for me. I tried playing guitar with an old one I found in the garage but it hurts my fingers too much.

I’ll stick with dancing.

April 15, 2020

I don’t know what else to do. I’ve redecorated my bedroom 3 times and my parents told me if they hear me moving furniture in the middle of the night one more time they’d make me take everything down.

I feel trapped.

April 16, 2020

Maybe I should try to write in here more. That’s the only thing I can think to do. I could do a “what I did today” or a mood tracker. I might actually do the mood tracker but I know all well I won’t do it everyday. Maybe weekly? Maybe every couple days? Maybe whenever I feel like it?

Okay....today I feel: Bored.

April 22, 2020

It's Earth Day. One of my favorite days.

I hope that with the world shut down the Earth can breathe a little easier today.

Today I feel: Hopeful.

April 25, 2020

Today would’ve been my senior prom.

I actually had a date and everything, for the first time. How great would that have been?

I’m not gonna write a lot today. Too sad.

May 1, 2020

I can’t do this much longer. Everything sucks and I feel so stuck. I haven't left my house, I haven't seen my friends, my family is driving me crazy, my sleep schedule is totally fucked, I haven’t been this depressed since middle school, and I can’t do anything about any of it. It fucking sucks.

May 3, 2020

Let’s play a fun game. Okay so I’ll start with 10 fingers up and if this thing has happened put a finger down.

Okay so put a finger down if you really liked someone and you had a good thing going with them but you let the worst person in your life convince you that you shouldn't be with them and that they were the problem so you had to hurt the person you really liked to make the worst person feel better cause they manipulated you and took control of your brain and then the person you liked ended up dating one of your friends and you couldn't even be mad at them cause they were so happy and cute and you were happy for them both but then they broke up and you don’t know if it’s cool to talk to the guy you liked cause your friend is the ex and you haven't talked to them in a long time and they probably hate you cause you hurt him and he wouldn't understand cause your excuse is so shitty and you guys are now so different and life is just really hard and you think about what y’all had and miss it so much cause it was so good and thats all you want, to be loved, and you know it’ll never be the same so you don't even bother.

I’m down to 9 fingers.

God I fucking miss him.

May 4, 2020

For a long time I’ve convinced myself I don’t deserve love and I really think it’s true. That’s all I’ve ever wanted but I’ve done so many bad things what if no one wants me?

Everyone hates me. My friends only pretend to like me. I don’t understand why someone would want to be friends with someone like me. I’m so difficult.

May 6, 2020

It feels like I dropped out.

I’m not doing any school work. I missed my prom. I probably won't have a graduation ceremony. Worst part is, I didn’t drop out. I can’t just move on. I have to just sit with this.

I guess it's not hitting me as hard as some other people because I didn’t even plan to be alive this long so I was already prepared to miss them. It’ll probably hit me soon tho. I just won't let myself breakdown. Not yet.

May 8, 2020

Can I just say something?

I’m so fucking tired of being alone.

Not just cause quarantine, like in general. I want to be loved but I have to fuck everything up all the time, God why am I so stupid all the time?

And I don’t mean my friends just saying “oh I love you!” like no, thats nice, but at the end of the day that’s not the kind of love thats going to marry me, or hold me when I can’t sleep at night, or cook dinner with me.

I’m so tired of being undeserving and undesirable. What is wrong with me? What does everyone hate so much?

If I’m being honest, I cry every night because of this loneliness I feel. I just want it to stop.

May 10, 2020

My panic attacks are getting worse. For no reason.

I panic over things that 3 months ago I would've just pushed away. But now this isolation and fear is making everything so bad.

I started seeing things again. I started picking and twitching and shaking again. I haven't been this bad in a long time. How long before the thoughts come back? The urges? Will I be able to stop them this time? I hope so. I really hope.

May 13, 2020

So I’ve officially reverted back into my childhood state of watching old cartoons all day for any sort of serotonin. It's working a little ngl.

May 15, 2020

I picked up my yearbook today. I drove to my school and they handed it to me through a window. Can’t get it signed, can’t see anyone, can’t do anything.

I don't know if I have the strength to look through it right now knowing I might never see these kids again.

May 17, 2020

I had one of the worst episodes in a while today.

I saw this video and I don’t wanna talk about it cause I don't want to think about it but it made me twitch and shake for so long.

I couldn’t stop. I was so scared. I picked at my skin for a long time. I couldn't open my eyes. My head hurts from shaking for so long.

I just want to go to sleep.

May 20, 2020

My parents are so clueless. Do they really not know? Do they choose to look past it? Do they know and not want to say anything?

Can they not see that I’m not fucking okay?

There is no way they don’t notice how I twitch and shake and pick at my skin. They can’t ignore my tear soaked face almost daily. They might not see when I wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and desperately try to calm myself. But they never ask me if I’m okay.

The answer is “no” if they ever decide to ask.

May 23, 2020

I’m official a high school graduate!

Though it doesn't really feel like it.

I drove to the school and picked up my diploma and that was it. A masked “congratulations” and a piece of paper and that was that.

Congrats to me though. I guess.

May 27, 2020

I feel so empty.

Actually, I don't feel anything.

I just sit here. I don't remember when I last ate. I haven’t gotten out of bed. Haven’t watched anything. Just thinking.

Today is not a good day.

I don't want to be alive today.

I just hope the urges stay at bay. I don't know if I can stop myself this time.

May 30, 2020

I wish I was dead.

Everything I love is being taken away from me.

I want to kill myself. I haven’t felt like this in years. Everything is only getting worse and I can't stop it.

I want to but I can’t. If I try and fail thats selfish cause I’d be taking up space in the hospital for people who actually need it.

I’m useless. I’m powerless. I want out.

May 31, 2020

I’m so sick. I’m so weak. My head is killing me.

I’m not sick, I just feel shitty. Not an uncommon feeling.

I don’t know how much longer I can fight off the urges.

I’m sorry.

I wish I was sick. It would make this whole thing easier. I feel like this will never end. I want out.

I’m sorry.

[thbn-anything]

What other way is better than to begin this blog with a kdrama tag?

1. Favourite drama of all the time?

GOBLINNNN

2. Top 5 actors?

Park Seo Joon, Ji Chang Wook, Park Hyung Sik, Seo Kang Joon, Nam Joo Hyuk

3. Top 5 actresses?

Kim Ji Won, Kim Go Eun, Song Ji Hyo, Lee Sung Kyung, Son Ye Jin

4. Favourite idol actor?

Park Hyung Sikk

5. Favourite idol actress?

IUU

6. Favourite genre of dramas?

Rom-coms!

7. Do you watch other dramas beside korean dramas?

Nope, although I’m trying to consider watching chinese dramas

8. Favourite OST of all the time?

There are soo manyyy, but rn I’d probably have to choose ‘I will go to you like the first snow’ by Ailee

9. Drama with the best ost?

Definitely Crash Landing On You, followed by Goblin, Hotel Del Luna, Descendants of The Sun, and Hwarang

10. Top 5 OSTs?

I will go to you like the first snow (Ailee), All about you (Taeyeon), Here I am again (Yerin Baek), First love (Sondia), Once again (Mad Clown)

11. Top 5 OST singers?

IU, Taeyeon, Yoon Mirae, Yerin Baek, Davichi

12. Favourite villain in dramas?

Oof, tbh I’ve never really paid much attention to the villains but if I hv to pick one it’s probably Han Sang Hoon from W (yes I had to search his name bcs I’m really bad at remembering characters’ names)

13. Top 5 OTPs?

Ri Jeong Hyeok-Yoon Se Ri (Crash Landing On You), Ko Dong Man-Choi Ae Ra (Fight For My Way), Kim Bok Joo-Jung Joon Hyung (Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo), Do Bong Soon-Ahn Min Hyuk (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon), Oh Jin Shin-Kwon Jung Rok (Touch Your Heart) (for that last one Wang Yeo and Kim Sun ship also works teehee)

14. Favourite celebrity couple of real life?

Well they’re not together anymore but Lee Sung Kyung & Nam Joo Hyuk ((:

15. Which actor or actress you want as your bestfriend,older sister,older brother,boyfriend /girlfriend?

Oooo it’ll be nice to be friends with them all but for my best friend, prolly Kim Go Eun. I want Kim Ji Won as my noona and Ji Chang Wook as my oppa (I heard he has great manners :D). And maybe I’m the only one but I would feel extremely uncomfortable to date my bias so I’mma hv to skip that last one lol

16. Who is your favourite kdrama male character?

Again, I never really think about these but the one and only dokkaebi will get points for how hilarious his character is as a whole

17. Who is your favourite kdrama female character?

Literally just finished watching Revolutionary Love, and Byun Hyuk is not the only one that fell in love with Baek Joon’s strong personality. Totally love this girl!!!

18. What is your least favourite drama?

There were several kdramas that I discontinued because I was bored and just sorta disliked it (like it’s not my type). Most of these are action-genred dramas and the ones that are political and pretty heavy (like I didn’t finish vagabond and k2 although they are actually really good ones, I just don’t really like the genres that’s all), but out of all of these I’d probably hv to choose Abyss (stopped watching it after only 2 episodes) or Cheese In The Trap (THE ENDING OMGG I WANNA CRY 😭😭 CITT IS LITERALLY MY FAV WEBTOON AND THE DRAMA’S ENDING RUINED THE WHOLE THING)

19. How were you introduced to kdrama?

Well I’ve known kdramas ever since I was little (I used to join my cousins sometimes while they were watching them) but as a summary, I liked dramas because of webtoon (like drama genre yk) and at that time my cousins and one of my aunt who were at my house at the time were binge-watching CLOY so I sorta joined and watched like half of it, and when it was done there were other kdrama reccs there (we were watching it on netflix) and one of them was WWWSK and I was sorta interested and curious so I decided to watch it with my aunt. Ever since then I’ve been obsessed with kdramas that I binge-watch them everyday lol

20. What was your first drama?

Technically the first drama I’ve finished was What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim (step one on being a PSJ fan woohoooo), but back then when I was little I sometimes joined my cousins when they were watching The Heirs and My Love From The Star

21. Who is your least favourite drama character?

Ooh, the Jang family from Itaewon Class got me on my nerves but both psychopaths from Strong Woman Do Bong Soon and Suspicious Partner are definitely really annoying like why would u kill people for no reason you 미친 사이코 또라이

22. Who is your least favourite actor or actress?

I don’t have a least fave bcs personally I think all of these actors and actresses are talented so like 🤷🏻‍♀️

23. Which actor or actress you want to marry?

As I said before, I would feel extremely uncomfortable if I’m dating my bias, so don’t even think about how I would feel if I married them

24. Is there a drama you wished that drama is your real life?

Wow okay but like EXO Next Door would be incredible lmfaooo (although I’m not rlly a fan of kpop but imagine being friends with all of the members of a popular kpop group like wow)

25. Which drama character you wished to have as your real life girlfriend or boyfriend?

Omg just a clueless romantic like Haru would be adorableee, or someone who is crazy over their gf like Ahn Min Hyuk would be amazhangg

26. Is there a drama character you wished that is you?

Wow I mean like being Do Bong Soon is great bcs 1. You hv superpowers and that’s already amazing on its own but then 2. Legit two handsome guys like you and just AAAA (also 3. She doesn’t hv any past traumas or somn and her relationship with everyone is alright)

27. Do you like noona romances?

Wow tbh nope, I never really liked noona romances, I mean like I’m already sorta uncomfortable when the lead man is older than the lead woman by like a decade or somn (like goblin omg), so like imagine if the woman is now older than the man by a decade (I mean like tbh I don’t rlly like it whenever the girl is older than the guys but eh whatevs)

28. What is your favourite sismance and bromance?

Bromance: KIM. SHIN. WANG. YEO. BEST BROMANCE DRAMA. ENOUGH SAID. EVERYONE CAN AGREEEE

Sismance: Fight For My Way’s Choi Ae Ra and Baek Seol Hee, I mean like,, friendship goals. Periodt.

29. Do you get second lead syndrome for both actors and actresses both?

Yesss, but I tend not to ship them and get too attached to them too much bcs ik they would never be endgame so like T.T

30. In which drama you had the worst second lead syndrome?

LITERALLY WATCHING IT RN AND I FEEL SO BAD FOR KIM SHIN HYUK OMGG 😭😭 (oh and also CITT’s Baek In Ho, like I didn’t ship them at all in the webtoon but their chemistry in the drama is urghhh I feel so bad for my babyy 😭 that’s also how I became a Seo Kang Joon fan YASSS)

31. What is your favourite drama in this year?

Well if you’re talking about drama that I watched this year, it’ll be too many as I’ve only just started watching kdramas literally March this year, so I’ll only perceive this as my favorite drama that was released in 2020, which is Backstreet Rookie although a lot of ppl actually hated it. Personally I disagree with those points too (adult webtoon, prostitution, underaged kissing, etc) but I really like how it’s such a funny comical drama, like those types of dramas are my favorite

32. Can you understand korean without subtitles?

Definitely not but that is indeed my goal yeeyee

33. What is your message to your favourite actor and actress?

You guys are amazing and all of us in the kdrama community will always support all of you, so HWAITING!! 💜

[badanimereviews]

summer 2019 anime sum-up

lmao i realized i never did this and posted the fall season b4 this.... oops

kimetsu no yaiba: tbh started out kinda meh. and now it’s turned into one of the new big shounens. i was not expecting that. nearing the end got rly good and i was rly looking forward to more episodes! tanjiro gets cooler and cooler! animation is rly nice (thanks ufotable) and the way tanjiro’s water is animated. like. aesthetic asf. it’s so good. i love black-haired emo dude and zenitsu (my spirit animal) and ofc nezuko she is adorable im c r y. side note: the hashira? i think they’re called? some of the ugliest fkn characters i’ve seen in ages like flame boy? stone boy? i HATE them. and the gem dude too like man get a new tattoo artist on god.... he needs it.,,,,,,and inosuke is so pretty it’s unfair

dr stone: ok man dr stone rly went off. tbh. i’ve always been a whore for chemistry since reading the flavia de luce series (btw, i want more books of) and watching this just tickles my noodle brain in a good way... who needs prozac when i get a shitton of serotonin from watching senku dick around....  (btw what is going on with what’s his face and the girl. yuzuriha????? i can’t remember. i love senku don’t get me wrong but i need their perspective too... bc i hate lion dude... so much.... dick....) again i will repeat that i am a whore for chemistry so i get oFF on this. backgrounds are amazing/ animation so nice n clean (most o the time lmao). i thought i would hate the black n white haired trickster boi and ms yellow ponytail and suika but no! dr stone is such a good show that they are now great, loveable characters. also i am senku and chrome’s whore so jfc. man, i love the explanations of all the chemistry shabang, but some things i think would be better if explained! like senku doing physical labour at the beginning- ex. making all those pots and building that shit by hisself. i know he weak af. yes he smart but like. construction? difficult. pottery? even for me the artist . difficult. and that shed of his was filled to the brim. HOW. anyways, i love this so much i am crying constantly

just realized i didnt need to write about dr stone. oh well. 

danmachi 2: wtf yo. haruhime is so pretty but not a fan of her personality! bell still cute af and still don’t rly like aiz! animation good as always, and my god i shit myself whenever the argonaut theme starts up bc that is ? one of the best pieces of non-sawano hiroyuki pieces i’ve ever heard? addicted to it. and the opening! love the dynamics, the brief ‘rain’ scenes like when mikoto slashes the raindrops and just her motion basically? as an animator that is what i aspire to accomplish because i just love that. tiny little scene. 

arifureta: this would have been so much better had they dragged out mc’s op-ifying process! made him suffer more! i explained this briefly in my ‘first thoughts’ post for this season, but story-wise and pacing-wise his power-up could have been so much more deserved and gratifying. think shield hero- loser suffers, gets angry, slowly builds up power in an epic payoff! would have been so epic too. and also if they’d made his gained powers less.... crazy nerfed. again: HE SHOULD HAVE SUFFERED MORE AND THIS WOULD HAVE MADE A BETTER SHOW. harem thoughts: yue- meh. sucky char honestly. shea- my fav girl, she is a great character don’t judge- sexy and love her personality and love her character design and love how much fanservice she gets lol. panty flash ftw. dragon girl- discount darkness honestly , tho nice design. and mermaid girl- yuck, annoying,  DO NOT like the ‘papa’ trope! (ahem sao.) it’s gross. also just fuck mc’s classmates honestly- paladin dude sucks ass, healer girl OOF that last episode ruined her, samurai girl is ok i guess. hate ai-sensei too like shut UPP annoying ass HOEEEEE (postscript: opening=very epic too)

kanata no astra: plot twist? check. trillion well-done plot twists? check. this was done very well. i am so happy. all those plot twists and turns would usually suck in any regular anime- but this was written with GODLIKE ability. thank you, lerche. legit, this was such an enjoyable ride, i eagerly awaited each new ep! typically i hate space-related stuff but like! survival stuff gets my goat.... like this was good- (tho maybe more technical-stuff in the survival theme would make it so cooler) what shocked me the most: (spoilers alert) didn’t end up hating quitterie or funi. (tho the puppet made me want to strangle smth) luca’s gender had rly confused me but i’d decided on him being a boy- so basically that reveal left me like WHOA. i died. did luca rly have to show emo boy their tity tho... kanata losing his arm gave me the yeeeks, charce being the traitor was made sO WELL into a surprise even tho i’d kinda already suspected him<- like that was just fucking amazing writing there. gj. and ares the princess! ok man! shocked! AND also the whole clone thing, just fucked me right up. up the ass. like there are probably more plot twist layers in this than a fkn ogre has.... anyway shrek aside, yun?’s character arc was very pleasing, i think that was done very well! and the ending made me UwU like BRO? goals tbh. yeah this is a hidden gem and is just so good, so well-written overall. 

cop craft: didn’t have high expectations. i am now,,, quite,,, shocked &,,, blown away. sweetheart this is a good fucking show. so why @ livechart.me DOES IT HAVE 7.40 STARS WHEN FKN ARIFURETA HAS 7.72. can someone explain this to me? i’m outraged. LIVID.  matoba and tilarna were amazing characters btw! loved their dynamic! briefly i thought it might get romantic! nope, it didn’t, so it’s all good. actions scenes were epic, tilarna’s design and outfits were so much nicer than i thought they’d be like. she is so cute. and the op- man, if that is not such a bopper vibe then idk what is. i could watch it forever. it deserves so much more than what it’s got rn.

naka no hito genome: (serious question: is this considered some sort of isekai?) genome gave me btooom vibes honestly but like- this is SO much better than btooom and most game/trap/ kinda shows. fkn BOP of an op, especially the sequence at the end with short clips of each character in action (nutt). paka-san was a good boy and he deserves irl merch. i fell in LOve with all the characters (bubble boy= hot, akatsuki= ok meh actually kinda boring, karin= hot and i want her to punch me, ruromori= beautiful 12/10 would let her stalk me, sleepy eyes boy= baby + dazai vibes and hot af, twin boy= also hot, onigasaki= hot and love him so much, and loli girl= her light grenades got annoying but nice char design) anyways yeah more of this would be epic. i wanna see sakura and her twin reunite, and how they get out basically! also animation quality was very good which is surprising considering it’s a silver link anime.

kono yo no hate de koi wo utau shoujo yu-no: i include the whole title bc this is a good anime. (also livechart.me why 7.27 stars i will fuck you up) only meh part of this is the return to earth from dela granto bc that was like a culture shock and honestly at that point i’d forgotten a lot about what had happened on earth and didn’t care as much. btw, f ayumi and f the other brown-haired oneesan. mio and kanna ftw. obvs i didn’t understand the sayless x takuya thing like dumbass horny teenager . why u gotta creampie the worst girl. u have mio. bruh. (tho mio x ‘oyabi!’ boy is a great ship) also, takuya’s mom? keiko-san? idk if you’ve noticed but that’s literally my name so yeah just glad to finally have some keiko representation. altogether goodass anime. the time travel/ rezero esque reset thing almost got me but this was done well. so no problems. both ops very good. first song was bae, second also bae (just realized it’s by konomi suzuki, one of my waifu idols, so yea nice) and ed2 also so pretty! also yu-no’s design was rly pretty, the outfit colours, and her pigtails rly suited her :)

granbelm: sorry this is the last one lol this was a long ass post! other than the fact i dont rly like mecha this was good.... action, CHARACTER designs aesthetic asf, honestly rly pretty ok. i liked the cast, very diverse and more depth than most shows of this ilk. op was nicely choreographed- especially the part where the girls’ faces are contorted by their gems, showing their magical girl side. nicely done. mangetsu didn’t end up being that bad a char, and honestly? suigetsu is best girl and deserved better. and the ending too- like, bro, that made me kinda sad. some off points: anna’s mom was a little unrealistic as a mom like woman- please learn to control your child, and, white-haired girl’s sister should have played a bigger part, based on how her parts in the opening were emphasized! (quick note- blue girl, love her, great bad guy, when she dumped anna made me so happy honestly, she is beautiful, and i couldn’t actually decide who i wanted to win between her and suigetsu....)

hope u enjoyed this bad review. pls share ur opinions w/ me on some of of these more controversial shows. thank. 

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S2 Ep 48: Bakura Completely Fails to Murder The One Person He Was Actually Supposed to Murder

Yo guys, this is the last episode of the season.

...

I know. How exactly do you resolve ANYTHING in one episode? The secret is, you don’t. Like...one thing did get resolved but it really seems like this was a 2 season storyline they were really banking on doing so well it would stretch into season 2 but, according to bro, this show got hella cancelled?

I can’t believe it. Finally. I’ve been joking about it for like a year but it actually happened.

Now my bro is full of spicy headcanons about this show and I decided to look up on Wikipedia to see what the hell happened between Season 2 and 3 for him to say this but I saw nothing about cancelling anything, but he’s pretty certain that this happened. So, I’m gonna open it up to all of you guys who know way more about this show than either of us to set it straight--was there cancellation drama between Season 2 and Season 3 or is bro just remembering history incorrectly?

Anyways, this show is obviously around for Season 3 but bro says it gets distracted and everyone has hinted that we get a really great filler arc that is most people’s absolutely favorite arc in the entire world. I’m honestly shocked I made it this far. But, lets first get into the episode.

This episode starts exactly where I wanted it to, with Tea realizing that she’s not only wandered into Bakura’s room, but that, from her perspective, it has made Bakura so freakin uncomfortable that he hella left.

Like imagine with me that your on a High school trip and you’re with all your buddies but then there’s that one kid who is a friend, but you don't know TOO well because he’s kind of awkward and also half a murderous ghost. Imagine he gets hella sick and then for some reason, you sleepwalk to his bedside, all draped across the sheets, and when you wake up he’s just...peaced right out of that entire awkward conversation that would have been.

Like...my reaction would have been completely the opposite of what Tea did.

Which was run straight to her somewhat-boyfriend Yugi Muto and tell him exactly what she just inadvertently did.

Also, forgive me for this aside, but Yugi is like 16, so why is Yugi randomly kind of jacked all of a sudden? Is that little backpack he carries just full of lead?

Oh wait, yeah...necklace is solid gold. But even still like...this small boy shouldn’t appear this jacked. Like, I know a lot of preteen girls were into this show for the large selection of anime boys, but I prefer Yugi looking sort of like the human version of a Pekingese instead. Mostly because I’m an adult, I guess. Not that I never had a preteen anime boy crush phase, but we’re talking Tuxedo Mask, who was sort of developed to be a preteen anime boy crush. Like, Tuxedo Mask has literally no other reason to exist except to be a perfect husband who gets abducted a lot, but Yugi? Like..he sells cards, why’s he gotta grow up?

My bros current spicy headcanon is that he’s slowly becoming jacked because of being in the Shadow Realm so often, and that it beefs you up like when Goku goes to space and turns the gravity on super duper high, but sure bro, you do you. Bro’s got a spicy headcanon for every loophole this show throws at us. (and it is surprising which ones were actually correct and which were probably a fanfic he read in High School.)

(read more under the cut)

Anyways, Yugi thankfully puts on a jacket and they decide not to wake up Joey’s room to see if Bakura also joined the Boy Chamber after Tea kicked him out but like...while that would be the most reasonable place to look, they decided to see if maybe Bakura is sleeping in...the hallways? I dunno why they immediately thought Bakura was kidnapped. Now that the ring isn’t with him then...there’d be no reason for Marik to kill him.

Then again, maybe Bakura kind of wanders off and does ghost stuff so often, that these two are always checking up on where Bakura wandered off to?

I guess these two just didn’t feel like waking anyone up. Or using the enchanted necklace Yugi just got. Or asking Roland the security guard. Or maybe, I dunno, ever asking Kaiba for help, who is still absolutely awake and doing literally nothing else with his time.

Like serious talk, a lot of this season’s problems would have been resolved if they had just gone to the guy in charge of the tourney and asked for him to use his endless resources to help out the tourney that he is hosting. Like, he would have done it. I know this is a bit of a stretch but I don’t think Kaiba wants people dueling to the death at 3AM. Especially if he can’t watch them do it.

I appreciate that the blimp was so important to Kaiba that he rendered it in 3-D and has it just rotating there, weirdly CG while the rest of this screen is drawn. Also, Kaiba’s desktop situation is an absolute nightmare, this boy is somehow managing a company but he cannot manage a desktop?

PS are you ready for this outfit without the horrible spiky shoulder jacket? Are you ready? Because I wasn’t.

he can’t seem to get away from that victorian gothic lady silhouette.

And so Kaiba is faced with a problem, he’s only got a low win chance to get this card the fair way. This would be a great time to just arrest Marik right now, although it would be somewhat difficult since their duel to the death is halfway over, but like, Kaiba also really likes losing at cards. He says he doesn’t, but Kaiba seems to sprint to every opportunity he can get to absolutely lose or only just narrowly win because your Dead Wife Card sent you a weird hallucination that one time.

Like...of the times that Kaiba’s dueled solo we’ve only seen Kaiba win twice, right? And once was to a random guy on the street? Yeah. Kaiba’s only won a single time on screen.

I mean, of course, unless you count the time he threatened to commit suicide if he lost and Yugi was like “What the hell!?” but I don’t know if we should count that as like...a game.

Despite the fact that Yugi has never once offered her even like...a coat in this freakin weather, Tea has decided that they’re official enough, that she will argue with him about how they now both...share a destiny??? This feels like jumping the gun a little bit?

I don’t know what the hell she’s even talking about. But she’s been treating it like they’ve been married for like 8 years. Which...would require a little bit more...supporting evidence for me as a viewer that Tea and Yugi would actually be this much of an item at this point.

Like at least she’s not a reincarnated soul of his dead wife stuffed into a playing card--this show has pulled weirder random romance plots out of it’s ass--but it’s a huge leap to suddenly tell me “And remember these two???? This romance of the ages?????” at this point, this far into the end of the season.

And like...don’t be misled by my description of this conversation, they never once even come closer than a foot of each other.

Everything about this is kinda weird. No kinkshame of course, all ships are good and valid. But, assuming that Marik’s got a foot in both Tea and Bakura’s brain right now, these two are 6 people right now (2 are Bakura, if he’s still swimming around with Tea, it’s unclear), and 2(3) of those people has tried to kill both of them, but now are piggybacking on these guys’ bodies that are currently fumbling about how the hell to date even. Imagine how awkward Marik feels rn. Just imagine.

Or maybe he’s super into it, Marik’s a nut.

Pharaoh just kind of rolled his eyes and walked through this mist door as Tea stood uselessly on the other side and it’s like, yeah, we feel you, Pharaoh, we don’t know why that conversation had to happen either.

Meanwhile, I’ve been skipping the card game portion which actually looked very nice. Again, it was the last episode, they upped their game, but that won’t come through in caps so just know--that was nice. but because Bakura decided to do the taboo of playing a God Card, it absolutely royally screwed him over. and then Marik fused his body to it like Final Fantasy and it’s like...sure why not. It’s the last episode. Fuse your body with a playing card, no one will question how that would have worked outside of a shadow game.

Anyways, Marik kinda saw that happen and was like, well damn. Didn’t know it could do that. Weird, right? Huh. So much for living in obscurity and being tortured underground and keeping the Pharaoh’s secrets for 5000 years, apparently we knew...NONE OF THEM.

And then Bakura died, and even dropped us an iconic one liner as Marik sends him into the darkness while saying “enjoy the darkness!” or something like that. This was extremely 2000′s. It’s fine to be cliche if you’re...Bakura. You kinda have to be. That is the whole point of Bakura.

So he said, something like this

Like the exact line was more like...”Did you forget, I AM darkness??” or something, but man, that sums up the whole of Bakura so well. Like, he doesn’t make sense. But, he doesn’t have to, because the point of Bakura is that he’s just a walking 00′s prototype and that’s what makes him great. Like if you could make the 00′s hot topic aesthetic (minus the meme shirts) into a candle and then burn it down to nearly the end of the wick--that’s Bakura.

Like I watch kids as a dayjob and the other day the 12yo was like “I drew stuff, do you want to see?” so I was like “Absolutely!” and she’s like “I warn you--it’s kind of messed up.” and I’m like “that’s fine” and she’s like “no but really it’s spooky, ok? I just want to warn you.” and I’m like “try me” and she flips open her ipad and in the apple version of MSpaint I kid you not it was

A happy face

crying black tears.

And I’m like “Wow.” and she’s like “I know, it’s pretty dark” and I’m like “well, not exactly, he seems pretty cheerful” and she was like “well this one is really really scary are you ready?” and I’m like “OK, because that one was pretty happy” and she’s like “no Rach this one is like reallllllly messed up. You’re going to think I’m crazy.” and I’m like “oh shoot” and she flipped open to the next page in her ipad and it was

A happy face

It’s eyes are bloodshot. (magenta blood. It was Magenta)

And I’m like “wow! He’s even happier!” and she was like “But this is the scariest thing I’ve ever drawn in my life!” because to a 12yo, that is scary. Like it’s funny to me because honestly, the way kids and even teens think of what is “scary” is so different than what is “scary” to an adult. And Bakura is sort of like the personification of an MSpaint happy face crying blood tears.

Like, he’s different than Marik in that Marik’s backstory was super well established, while Bakura...never needed one. Apparently he will get one, but he honestly doesn’t need it. He’s just a nightmare that a kid would have. I don’t really question the logic of what happens around Bakura vs everyone else because...he’s Bakura.

I do question that he somehow got beaten by Marik. That doesn’t add up for me, but honestly the other Marik kind of messed Bakura up so...you could say he was doomed to fail that. It was more that Marik beat himself and dragged Bakura with him.

And like, I’m not upset that I don’t have to look up Britishisms anymore and take notes during British Bake Off and then completely lose those notes when it comes time to write these. But wow, I will miss Bakura.

Didn’t know I’d miss you until you were gone, little gross disgusting buddy.

Didn’t realize how I’d miss you killing off random people all the time and pretending to be a good boy while leaving little cookie crumbs of a storyline that will apparently not even get picked up until like forever from now.

Ah, so lets pour a glass of fries that we call potato chips, pour some vinegar all over them and remember our favorite Bakura moments.

Like that time he straight up murdered everyone on this show and then inspired me to pick up bro’s idea to create this entire blog series.

Or that time he tried to possess Mokuba but then got stomach punched by Tristan while everyone else canonically thought Tristan was taking 4 hours to poop.

Or that time he decided “Screw this, I’m just going to use lasers!” and then never used lasers ever again.

Or that time they all walked in on Pegasus doing human sacrifices of living people and Bakura went “Oi, that’s a little much!” and then wiped everyone’s memories and dragged them back to their rooms, including Pegasus.

Or that time he decided to swing from the rafters of a warehouse and knock over Bandit Keith, and then say “Oi, all better” and then just walked away while the entire warehouse combusted into flames.

Or that time he just held up a recently used disembodied eyeball and then in the Japanese version, licked it clean.

I will miss you, you freakin weirdo, and will I ever get to write about him again? I actually have no idea. Season 5 is a really long time from now. I’ll keep the Bakura color palate saved in the corner of my Photoshop, but ah, it will be a forever from now before I get to click it again. If I ever do.

But congrats to his voice actor who now gets to take a very long drink of tea and fix whatever the hell talking like Bakura does to your vocal chords.

Marik picks up the ring although I’m not sure that it matters and now I’m very confused as to where the hell the absolutely never-washed eyeball went. Maybe he saw it rolling around down there and was like “I’ll have to come back with a ziplock baggy for that.”

We started this season with Yugi being late and arguing with Tea about being late and now we end the same way. It all came together.

Yami could have done something, but there wasn’t enough time in this season, so he just let Marik walk free.

I swear, Yami.

In her defense, maybe this is what jammies actually are when you live underground?

And then, to make things even more complicated, Marik has decided to show up to Ishizu as...Tea.

Also, miracles of miracles, this plot thread actually paid off:

And then for I guess 2 Seasons Bakura just plays with Yugi’s Tomogachi’s and does calf raises on all these stairs. I would say he’d have to avoid running into Pharaoh, but I feel like Pharaoh only really hangs out in the one room at the entrance. He doesn’t seem to really care about these doors anymore.

At least someone was there for the Tomogachis, in the end. Mine has been dead for 20 years, but Yugi’s will live on apparently eternally. The immortal Tomogachi (which was apparently featured in Season Zero?).

Stepping away from the Yugioh Tomogachi headcanon, lets see what Marik’s up to. Oh that’s right, that thing he keeps trying to do.

Nice.

And just when I thought this episode was finally over, get ready for it, get ready for this massive plot dump that just comes right out of no where so quickly I didn’t even get to fit it all in one cap.

That’s right, this season ended with a cliffhanger of Seto saying along the lines of he stole his father’s company (OK?) and then his Stepfather got super pissed and fled here and then Kaiba built a huge ass phallic tower on it and like...it was a lot for the last 1 minute of the show.

Anyways, it ends with Kaiba being like “NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND, WHY WE’RE COMING HERE, TO THIS ISLAND, TO PLAY CARDS!?” and it’s like no, no one understands, Kaiba. Your brain doesn’t work right. This is weird.

This is so freakin weird.

Kaiba was giving the Ishtars a hard time about their family issues being resolved with his tourney, and it was because apparently he was ALSO using this tourney to resolve his own family issues the entire time.

Anyway, I never expected for Kaiba to become such a dominant character on this show but we are going to Kaiba island. Another freakin island.

So Season 3 is apparently way different and my bro was like “we can just skip all that filler? We can skip like 20 episodes.” and I was like “That is not the point of this blog. We are watching the filler.”

Now, just FYI I’m gonna take a break for a bit between seasons, probably for about 2 weeks or so. I’m probably going to make a little buffer because life stuff will inevitably pop up and I’d hate to go too off schedule now that I know Pharaoh wears PJs in season 5. Like, I enjoy doing this blog, it’s incredibly nice to do something that isn’t art related and has zero expectations assigned to it, but it is a side project, so I gotta prep accordingly.

That being said, thanks so much y’all for reading these, and all the nice comments (which I am very bad at responding to, especially since it really feels like tumblr doesn’t...have a response ability built in). I was really only making these with bro to cheer him up when he hated his job and was quitting--and then he quit and we continued to make them because last year was pretty stressful (like I don’t talk about it here because this is a happy blog but damn I’m glad 2018 is in the trash) That other people seem to enjoy these rants was fun and unexpected. So thanks for reading and putting up with the fact we know very little about this series. Well, now I know an awful lot actually. Scary how much I know about Yugioh now. Eh.

I got a graveyard post I’ll probs put out there around next weekend, in the meantime, but, other than that...I’ll see y’all in Season 3.

And if you just got here, this is a link to read the recaps in chrono order from s1 ep 1

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x18 “Absence”

the bookshelf has rainbows in it again!! (but oh no... oh nooooooo............)

03:38pm

i know i’m a day late but my health is whack rn and i didn’t wanna do anything except play the sims 4, and even though i kept checking for a spn download link i didn’t find one after 2 hours so i just decided to wait until tomorrow

it’s tomorrow and i can’t say i have much more motivation, but i did just post a new destiel fic so i guess that’s something~!!! let’s do this too maybe, and then i can read fic comments as a reward c:

-

03:42

gotta preface by saying i have no clue what’s about to happen, i’ve seen no spoilers or trailers or promos

i really hope mary makes it through this

-

03:43

cas in the recap: “jack, no!”

jack: *does the thing anyway*

jack is REALLY bad at listening to instructions, or following suggestions, and responding to other people needs

and like... not in a cute way, i realise

but he’s still our baby nougat nugget and he BETTER IMPROVE AT THIS OR I’M GONNA MELT HIM IN A SAUCEPAN

-

03:47

as the camera pans around the empty bunker i see 2 different sets of book rainbows

WHO IS ARRANGING THE BOOKS IN RAINBOWS

i still think it’s cas but i think dean also really likes rainbows and according to me he arranges his clothes by colour so

inconclusive

but it’s gay and i love it

-

see i mean

on the bottom two shelves

red-to-green on the bottom, stop through go, like a traffic sign

and then blue above it, two blue books in a shelf of red

the blue is cas, the red to green is dean

i think dean’s READY FOR GAY but cas is still... nearby but not connected

 and then the second rainbow’s on the shelf on the far right

each rainbow seems to correspond with a chair and there’s some distance between them

phallic sword on top of the shelf on the right!

edit: oh shit. now having watched the episode i’m like OH SHIT!!!!! RED TO GREEN, AND THEN A THICK LINE OF RED. DEAN’S BACK TO “NOPE”

and then some white at the end which is still blank, open for change, given some time

CONFIRMED: THIS DID ACTUALLY MEAN SOMETHING, I JUST DIDN’T LOOK BEYOND THE RAINBOW PART

-

03:54

a lil mini bi pride book flag over dean’s shoulder there

-

03:56

dean: “rowena?”

sam” “yah! just got off with her--”

omg that wording. that was on purpose. wow.

-

04:00

 W H Y do they spell it “cass”

-

04:02

jack’s subconscious lucifer/nick: “you killed mary winchester”

*DRAGON ROAR* BRING HER BACK

-

04:08pm

i enjoy nick/lucifer a lot more now i know he’s dead

-

04:10

pretty

if i remember i’m gonna make this my phone lock screen later

-

04:13

i really love how this is directed

-

04:18

cas: “finally they don’t have to be so alone”

i know this was a couple years ago but it hurts that cas thinks he doesn’t count

-

“they were never alone”

YEAAAAAAAAAAH MARY GETS IT

-

04:21

is it crazy that i like seeing cas so upset, and his mouth shake like that. he rarely gets to show emotion

someone better fix this though :c :c :c

-

04:25

rowena: “that was fast”

probably mean it’s not sam

i’m betting on jack

-

yep

-

04:33

mary: *moves table to hide floor damage*

i love her but it hurts that we’re seeing her actual personality only once she’s gone >:{

-

also? the things she’s showing to her family is saying so much about what she taught them

she refuses help from cas when she’s hurt

and when jack makes a mess she covers it up and pretends it didn’t happen

she’s sweet and i do love her

but this is making it really obvious to me why they’re so messed up

i love me some flawed, yet enjoyable characters though~ especially when a flaw is also a strength depending on the context

-

04:39

the light looks like a rainbow behind him

such pretty windows

-

04:40

i love that sam is the one who always talks to dean to help him forgive cas

wise brother-in-law, always caught up in their domestics

-

04:42

rowena’s decor is fascinating

-

04:53pm

;A;

this is the single most heartbreaking correlation this show has ever done and they did it without words

-

04:56

jack’s sitting by this dumpster things with holes in and i HATE THAT DUMPSTER VERY MUCH

mid-key triggering me tbh

-

04:59

mary has led two lives

-

05:02

time to cry

-

05:04

that one intersecting shot of mary’s actual ashes and then back to the pyre

ashes to ashes

-

05:05

cas wanted to go to dean but sam held him back

sam knows 

he knows everything between them

he knows them better than they know themselves

i love him so much for holding cas back in that moment

-

05:07

they carved their names in the car because car was home

and in the bunker bacause the bunker was home

-

05:08

i’m so shaken

sad but satisfied? 

god, i knew all along that mary wasn’t gonna be okay, i was still just... hoping

but then again... she’s definitely okay now, in heaven

dean’s anger at cas is breaking my heart, sam is the only thing holding them together

but like

the fact they’re struggling just means there’s space to forgive and dig deeper into what’s wrong between them, thus giving them space to move forward.

their relationship has been in stasis for a long time

like... the relationship bar is clearly not maxed out the way it is for dean and sam. dean and cas are bestest friends but they act like there’s still something to add... which there is

i’m so thankful cas explained himself when dean said “you’re dead to me” instead of shrinking back and accepting that

but sam is the hero of all this

i’m so torn about jack. someone help our nougat boy

just a passing thought: in the recap mary asked jack to use his powers, so technically she was the one to give him permission to drain his soul, which ended in her own demise...

my favourite bit of this episode was cas looking at dean through the funeral smoke, the cut to dean, then cas trying to go to him and sam holding him back. i just wanna hug cas so badly, and i want everything to be okay ;~;

the directing in this was magical, and the script was 10/10 too. so good but so sad

[survivormanhattanbeach]

Episode 1: “...too early to be shady?”-Ryan

There....are so many men and I'm overwhelmed. Also Keaton shading me during his intro is a whole ass mood 

I’m so excited to be playing with majority of this cast... too early to be shady? 

Oooooooofffff what the hell did I just get myself into. Julian’s here. He always finds some fucking way i swear to god... and then there’s Keaton who i pissed off in a prior BB game... which literally ended like 3 days ago for me.... and then i ahve Andreas form Kuang Si and Billy from IdlM.... what the fuck is wrong with my life right now I mean...... i’ll figure this out, let me stop having a heart attack right now

I am SO OVERWHELMED right now! All these messages from people that I think hate me, this is going to be fun! As of right now I'm most nervous about Sarah because I LOVE talking to her, she's so easy to talk to but we always do each other wrong and have never made it far together in anything SO yeah. I'm really hoping that I get on a tribe where I connect with a majority and/or two of them don't like each other so I'm not the first to go! I guess it's time to now... go and be social haha! 

When did talking to people become so hard??? Idk if it's because I've been away kind of for awhile and not talking to people but I feel like I'm the most boring person in the world AHHH. Hopefully things get better soon. I'm about to ignore that annoying red number two by the skype icon and play the game for a bit to maybe give me something to talk about with these people!! 

http://atleastyoumadejury.tumblr.com/post/182902334923 That’s me in this challenge. 

First night = first opinions! Let's go. -called isaac immediately to form a bond with him. He seems super stoked to have me in the season and we agreed to form a f2 deal. Honestly he is funny, adorable and iconic so I am not mad if I go to f2 with him. I will be loyal to him as long as I know he is loyal to me -mark is very social and I know he uses this to his advantage. Every cute thing he is saying, he is definitely saying to the other players -I can easily bond with basically everyone on this season so I feel like this is going somewhere. I can tell ppl are liking me so honestly I am fucking excited to play --went on a one world call with ryan, tom, madison, dani, isaac and myself and they are cool af. I know ryan and tom used to work together from the beginning of mykonos so I am kinda scared they are a definite power duo. Tom has already proven to be a good player in terms of strength and I can tell hes strategic. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE HIS #1 SO I WILL WORK ON IT. fuck I need to get on his good side to get far. i can tell. I just dont want him to screw me over - Junior is playing and I guess he is the shadiest person in the game? SO I will be on the lookout for that. -Ruthie needs to leave. -Keaton hates madison so I can use that to my advantage somehow ? well see. -I am going to continue to talk and be social but honestly I dont want to give away too much. Im back after a year so I hope I can go far this time. Fingers crossed

I’ve smelled some fake shit before, but nothing quite as fake as Ryan trying to squash the beef with me. I’m flutter my lashes and play stupid for a while, but in all honesty, I want him gone as early as possible. I don’t trust him, at all. Also, Dan is sneaky as fuck. So I don’t trust him either. Plus I’ve hosted him and I know he’s only in it for himself. He’s vote himself out if it meant he’d win the game. But then there’s Mark, who has played with and been burned by both Ryan and Dan. Between the three of them I’m just not feeling him. I don’t want to be his demise, but I wouldn’t be sad to use him to kill the other two then dump him before he gets farther than me. Kill three birds with Mark’s stone. As for y’all hosts, thanks for dumping me with Madison, Joey and Keaton. Who will keep me around just as a number. They think I’m stupid and I have no idea what I’m doing. Same goes with Brandon. Like I love “OH MY GOD HEWWO”ing my friends. Another main, another season where I’ll just do whatever I can to make it far. Here’s to a good season. 

VL Confessional: This is my greatest chance to FINALLY make an impact on Tumblr Survivor. The minute I was casted, my ranking average went up. What I want to do this season is to take advantage of the time that I have. I want to do well, I want to finally prove how good I CAN be. This is my opportunity to bond with a ton of other players, and I’m READY FOR IT. My mood rn: https://youtu.be/roJ5NSfmxvs

I feel like this game is lowkey a test of Madison and I’s relationship...

VL CONFESSIONAL I’m sitting here on my couch watching the TV They’re picking all the numbers of my favorite lottery I am so excited when fortune calls I’ve never been so happy with someone picking my balls.

Oh god, I shouldn't write any of those weird and unsettling oneliners that I have in mind right now, so.... Hello! Just hello! I'm back for another Tumblr Survivor fun time and I have no idea what to expect from myself for this season. Will I have motivation? HELL YEAH! Will I have the time to back it up? NOPE!!! So... let's start with a little cast assessment, shall we? I already know that I am lucky to have LUCY around, because I know her from another community. That being said, she is a great player, so if she is active this time around, she'll definitely make it further than last time... So far though, it doesn't look like that... :sadface: I am also THRILLED to see RUTHIE playing. I love her, and we only got to play once (in a BB game that ended after 2 weeks) and I happy to see her and I really hope we can work together this season!!! I have mixed feelings about MARK and BRANDAN rn, because I've played in TS with them previously. I pissed off Brandan a lot in Kuang Si when I told him that I wanted him out. I hope he's gotten over that, but I feel like he's not the type of person to forget. But I think he'll be willing to give playing with me another try, but he'll keep me on a short leash. Mark, I voted off in Flops, and then I flipped him to vote for me in the worst FTC of TS history. But the guy is strongheaded and idk how well I can work with that. I've had great conversations with TOM and KEVIN and I feel like they're people I can talk to a lot more, and maybe build a relationship with. I had some decent chats with SARAH, DANIELLE, ISAAC and MADISON. I can't place them yet, but I think I can get along with them. I got off the wrong foot with ISAIAH and RYAN a little, but they seem fun and I can see myself working with them in the future. Or maybe I am just imagining things here? Who knows.... KEATON, JOEY and BILLY, I tried talking to, but I am really not sure yet if we're on the same wavelength. But they seem active enough and open, and it's not even been a day yet. ;) JUNIOR, DAN, JAKE and JULIAN, I haven't spoken with at all so far. rip? --- Let me tell you that I really like it being 4 Tribes of 5 to start the season off (at least that's what it looks like). I don't care too much about being a top-placing player here. I don't think I'd be immediately at the bottom right off the bat, so I don't need that unneccessary potential challenge threat target right away. I think I've spoken to enough people and got a little bit of that Andreas personality across, so I at least have a foot in peoples doors, you know? Let's see how things shake up! I am confident for starters, but that's the point of it, isn't it?

I’ve only talked game with a few people which kinda scares me. I also think a lot of this cast has previous relationships and I only know like 2 people. I love Isaac, Jake, Ryan, and Mark. I need to start socializing more.

hellurrrrr we're back and better than ever! first tumblr org since like... July so I'm feeling pretty rusty. Thankfully I have a couple familiar faces in this cast so I'm not too nervous. I was pretty excited to see Dani cast... we literally went to middle school together LOL. I want to keep that a secret, but Joey already knows because Dani has her location set to my city UGH. So now I gotta hope that Joey doesn't blow that cover. I know Kevin from Zwooper but idk how loyal he actually will be to me. I know Dan, Ruthie, Isaac and Madison from previous games but I don't think we worked well together in them so whoops. RYAN is here which I'm excited for. I want to work with him, he seems sweet. I also know Sarah because she made Eddie cry so I already love ha. But Eddie told me she's crazy in games so maybe I should tread carefull with her for now. I think everyone else is a fresh face to me? So this should be interesting. Half of them haven't even added me yet though so they need to step their pussies up. I'm here to win since that's the only placement I could get that will beat my last placement LOL. But I'm not trying to let an ORG make me go cray cray like Crossroads did... but it probably will <3

Ok, so. This whole picking tribes thing, has just got to go. I have multiple people telling me they are putting me first and although I love being first for once, this might not be the best thing for my game. If a random person I haven’t played with picks me, that looks shady. If one of my MANY previous allies picks me, that looks shady. Oh and there’s that thing where Billy and I squashed beef, and hopefully that can stay because I don’t need a giant target on my back for billy being my only enemy in all of the games I’ve ever played. If this tribe swap is 4 tribes of 5 then I need to make sure my people pick wisely and make sure that they have the 3 they need to keep a majority. The only issue with that, is I’m essentially in the middle of 5 groups: Mykonos, Bermuda, Unova (Pacific Island), Guyana, and then anyone I haven’t played. Take the union of those sets and you have the entire cast Manhattan Beach (yes I did just use math language, no I am not ashamed).

Imma make Jake think im his bitch. “Oh Jake, ill vote out my best friend, and someone who I respect as a host to boost your ego!”

Alright, Day 1 is nearing its end and I've made some progress I feel? So to get right to it: I've spoken a bunch with Danielle and Kevin and they've spoken a lot with each other too, so we're trying to get together on a tribe of 3. The plan right now is to hopefully get one of us in the top 4 (me), I pick Kevin, Kevin picks Danielle, and we've got an easy majority if it's tribes of 5. Now, we don't know if we actually split up in 4 of 5, or 2 of 10, or 4 of 5 but we have Tribal Councils with 2 tribes together. It's impossible to call right now. As a small addition to my first confessional, some final cast assessments: JUNIOR: A very friendly guy. I feel like he's genuine, but he's definitely VERY friendly, and I am not used to that level of friendliness in TS. But I think we good rn DAN: We spoke about Germany and that's about it. We have a little basis. JAKE: We spoke a little about politics, so at least we spoke and have a basis. Not much more than that. JULIAN: Dude... you seem so nice, but you are giving off no confidence in yourself. I don't have much more to say than that right now. I fear that he'll be used as a number by someone rn --- I got some good chats with KEATON and ISAAC going. And that's about it! I hope that I get put on a tribe with KEVIN, DANI, LUCY, RUTHIE, TOM, KEATON... and maybe SARAH. Just bring on the tribes, so I can finally start playing this game. One World is too big for me.

I'm pretty confident with my score for this challenge, I think it's enough to at least show my future tribe that I can do my part in the challenges, and hopefully I get somewhat of a say in who will be on my tribe. For my social game, I'm definitely planning to use me being the first boot on Guyana to my advantage. I've heard from Andreas and checked a bit as well that there's some fierce competition in this cast, and I think I can slide by for quite a while as long as I make some good connections. I know Dani, Andreas and Ryan from outside of this season, and those will be some people I could rely on from the beginning (not sure about Ryan though for that one since we don't know each other that well). Also I don't know what it is about Ruthie, but she seems so sweet and I'd love to get to work with her further down the line.

I love my tribe so much! It is PERFECT! Literally they are all people that I've talked to since the game started and I don't have any issues with any of them. I'm really glad especially that Andreas is on my team and I think that all in all we will have a strong tribe going forward! I don't want to get too cocky but I do feel confident in my position on this tribe! Nowwww if only we can win and stay away from tribal council! 

Honestly, what is wrong with me? Another main season and it's One World? Negative. This is how I will die. I would rather eat glass than have to fucking message 25 people I don't care about. On another note, I love my tribe high key. Aesthetically, we're a really great looking tribe. We could all be models tbh. We all get along really well so if we go to tribal, I'll probably just tell everyone to vote me out, for my mental health and theirs hahahaha save them the trouble. Nah, jk I'll fight, but I don't want to think about like voting any of them out? I def feel closest to Mark, but I really enjoy Dani and Ryan's banter. Junior is so cute too ugh haha. I'm just happy I'm not with the other ugly asses on other tribes

ugh i hate doing these things but im gonna try and be better if i flop this season im deleting skype tbh. This cast is going to give me a solid chance to go deep i feel like. Ryan Billy Dan all want to be my F2, madison is close with me, dani and sarah have both expressed interest in going deep together tribes were picked and holy frick is this tribe incredible. Ryan and Dan and Dani all were in my top 5 of who i wanted to be in a tribe with and junior is actually dope as fuck. i just hope we dont lose and have to vote someone out. especially the first round bc junior is safe so id have to decide between dan dani and ryan and id probably self vote if that was the case

So now I’m like 200% not even gonna try to work with Mark or Dan or Ryan. They’re all on the same tribe. Which means they’re gonna make a final three and that’s something I don’t want to be anywhere near. That’s a dumpster fire that I do not want to be a part of. What sucks even more is, Mark told me I was number one of his list. But Dan was picked by him before I was. So clearly he lied to me. But to add insult to injury, I was picked last for a tribe. So I was literally no one’s number 1. So that sucks, a lot. I guess that’s a fun way to start the season. “Way to go! No one likes you enough to be your #1!” Always a bridesmaid, never the bride. It just makes me have the “anyone but me” mindset even more than I already have. 

Hello new tribe. I am content with the outcome. On one hand, it sucks that I ended in 5th or 6th place, but on the other hand, the draft was rather revealing. I planned to pick KEVIN while he picks DANI, but Dani is soo fucking popular, that she was the absolute first pick - and then she picked Ryan over both Kevin and I. That definitely alerts me, but oh well, I don't blame her or anyone, she's lovely. I am happy that I wasn't the last pick of my tribe, because that would have sucked a lot. Instead, I get to be around BRANDAN, who I actually want to work together with for the time being. RUTHIE picked me, which I am really grateful for, but there is no guaranteed to know how far up I actually was on her list, but at least 6 others were behind me. Now I picked LUCY. Which is a good thing. She rocks at challenges. But she's definitely on the bottom of the totem pole here. I would prefer to vote out JULIAN first if we ever go to TC as this tribe, but for that, Ruthie needs to like Lucy more than the guy who picked her... Either way, let's win challenges somehow and not worry about that. The people I care for should be okay..? Dani will be safe. JUNIOR will be safe by default. Orange tribe will be fun to watch, because I care about everyone but BILLY on there (sorry honey). I am actually scared for my #1 Kevin rn, because JOEY and MADISON are together, which is scary, and neither of them picked him... So he could go first :( Either way, I need to stay on Brandans good side and I need to build up a strong bond with Ruthie, so I can keep Lucy around...

VL CONFESSIONAL HOLY MOTHER OF GOD NVGHHYGCSZAAAWSDDXF I’M SAFEEEEEEEEEE. I’m honestly so happy about it. I gave it my all and I’m honestly shook. And then I realized Madison and I are on the same tribe... Welcome to the plotline of the season.

I have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair

VL CONFESSIONAL So yeah for this challenge Pussydestroyer69@yahoo.com is taken. Fun.

I'm not really sure how I stand with my tribe. Currently my main connection is Andreas, but I know I can't just rely on him. He was picked before I was and he could easily just let me go if I'm in the way of him getting to the first tribe swap. We seem to be doing well in the challenge, and I hope we do win. I personally at least kind of feel like the outsider, and I don't know the connections the others have with one another, so hopefully this gives me time to build a connection with them before we go to tribal.

alright so first off, fuck y’all for giving us this challenge. you’re gonna make me sit here all day reblogging a post because i’m competitive, but we’re probably going to lose because my tribe sucks. like i was the only one doing it for 2 hours. kill me. let’s talk about my tribe real quick. i think kevin is genuinely with me with is good. but when i got put on this tribe, dan messaged me saying that joey, madison, and isaiah are a friend group. i knew that joey and madison were “dating”, but the isaiah thing worries me because if it’s true, then um they have the majority. i’m trying to stay close with joey too since we played zwooper together before. i just really need to bank that him and Kevin would stick with me over the others if we go to tribal. um but i wish i was on a tribe with my same city sister, dani, or with Ryan. let me just say something about Ryan... yo why he gotta do me like this? when i saw ryan in this cast i thought omg that’s the cute ryan but he probably won’t pay me much attention... flash forward to last night when we ditched the main call to call one on one and basically called all night. ummm, are we about to have a survivor showmance? probably not, boys like to ghost me all the time so i don’t expect much but that boy is about to have me WHIPPED i just know it. anyways let’s hope i don’t lose the first challenge because i literally ALWAYS go to tribal first in orgs 

YAY! My tribe pulled out a win. I wish we would have gotten an idol clue but a win is a win and I will take it!! In all honesty it seems like Brandan, Andreas and I did all the work, but maybe Julian and Lucy did things too and just weren't... vocal about it. Lucy has talked to me one on one a bit but I don't know if she knows what she's doing haha. As for Julian, I really like him but he's been SO quiet, not talking in the tribe chat and not being very talkative via PM so we'll see. Right now I feel the closest with Brandan and Andreas and I hope that the three of us can maybe form some kind of alliance. I really hope that Kevin and Jake will be safe! I like Madison and Isasiah (I spent five minutes trying to remember how to spell that name and I still can't get it GRR) but I haven't talked to them as much as the others. I guess we'll see what happens haha! 

so julian can talk in the one world but not our tribe chat... interesting... although i can't talk. i BARELY ever talk in the one world aSLFJLSF

Well we came in first for the first challenge! I tried sooooo hard and I have never reblogged so much in my entire life. The tribe that came in last has two of my allies on it and I’m pretty sure they are in the minority. Madison, joey, and isiah have an alliance apparently. But Jake did tell me that Joey came to him and wanted to get Isaiah out. I really hope he isn’t fucking with him because I need Jake and Kevin to stay in the game!! So far I really love my tribe. I wouldn’t even know who to get rid of if it came down to it. I think Dans the least person I’ve talked to on my tribe. I should probably keep talking to people who aren’t on my tribe aside from jake/Kevin/Tom/Sarah. And I should probably start talking strategy but I like where I am so far social wise. 

My tribe is so fucking united it’s scary. We all just gel really well and literally called for an obscene amount of time this weekend. I really love Dani, we haven’t connected too much in pms yet, but she gives off such good vibes. I feel like she’s definitely a social threat, but maybe by aligning with her she can bring up my social game a little. I desperately need to talk to more than just my tribe mates, but honestly the only other person who attempts to talk to me is Tom, and he’s just kind of forward and weird. Like he asked to share idol clues and I was like....okay sis out of the blue. Idk just seems kinda shady. Pennekamp, or as I like to call them Pasta tribe, losing is honestly my kink. I really hope that someone from the friend group goes home, but honestly it might be Jake or Kevin going. Madison and Joey are for sure an alliance bc of hos22, and then I know Isaiah is friends with Madison bc she was talking about him on call one day in another game, so. Let’s hope one of them flips and one of those 3 gets the damn boot. 

Being on the Robinson Riptides tribe is lit af. Why? Mark and I are on the same tribe, so I have my number one, and then Dani picked me and I know she is a close ally as well. Plus now that we won the first challenge, Junior does not have immunity in the next round and in the event we go to tribal next round, he would be my first target on our tribe. I like Dan, but def not someone I want to take deep in the game, seems like a large threat. Who knows, could easily use him for a number. Also, I love Tom. I am so happy he is back with me in this game after playing in Mykonos. I don't think people understand how close we are, and I want to down play that as much as possible. He is my secret go to persona and I'm going to keep that hush hush for now. We are trying to get our sides to merge into an alliance while the one world business is still going on. Goal: Tom gets Sarah to want to make a chat with either myself, Dani, or Mark. And if this happens, then we have five people with great connections outside but also people I would want to work with for this portion of the game. Also, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THIS IDOL CLUE BEING USELESS AF? CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN? LIKE ACTUALLY EXPLAIN? HOW IS THIS CLUE SUPPOSE TO HELP ME? CUZ IT DOES NOT!

Yay, Immunity. The Pacific Panthers are so boring as a tribe. The chat is dead. Is it because of timezones? Is it because of age diversity? This tribe has it all! Lucy is still new to TS, Ruthie is busy most of the time when I'm around. Brandan and I don't mean too well rn.... And Julian? He is wearing Harry Potter's Cloak of Invisibility! Either way, I hope Kevin survives F20 TC, as he is a valuable pawn and friend to me already. I'd expect Isaiah to go here, even if Madison might be the smartest move, but it's too early for big moves I feel. See ya next round!

Okay this game is NOT back to basics Johnny, it's back to hell. Schoolyard pick tribes, messy players, ONE WORLD, it's just an absolute cluster truck. I'm doing well for myself though. Getting 4th gave me the opportunity to set myself up well with Sarah and getting lucky with Billy should make me safe on this small tribe for awhile. How I'm not happy to see Madison here though. I'm afraid there's going to be a gun pointed at me by her the entire time, so I'm thinking I'll be forced to go after her before anyone else when given the opportunity. I just have to keep conversation high, keep game level talk at a medium, and eventually get taken out by an idol/twist

https://youtu.be/wpsiisk5lQQ

So big surprise, I'm going to tribal first. Joey is getting on my nerves idk why he even signs up for these games if he's always working but anyways. He's safe so I have to play the role of the devoted housewife to save face. As of now the vote is on Isaiah which sucks because he is definitely an ally for me, but at the end of the day our tribe and the game in general needs strength and commitment. Ugh why must my tribe be so iconic. 

OK SOOOOOOO Basically my paranoid ass has convinced myself I’m going home already, but let me walk you through why SO Isaiah is just super inactive, not to the point where he is NEVER here but just considerably less when comparing him to myself or others and so me jake Madison and joey all talked among ourselves and in various 1 on 1 and came to the conclusion we are voting him out, ALLEGEDLY! but ever since this tribe started the rumor of Madison Joey and Isaiah being friends has been brought up SO many times so that is just engrained in my head, now I’m probably over thinking this part but it makes sense to me, if Isaiah purposefully was being less responsive to provoke the instinct in me and Jake to vote him out, perhaps he has an idol or perhaps he is just fine being the decoy vote among the three and it helps that friend group manage the votes if they know who/how we are voting and it makes me and jake feel “safe” which could lead to the not playing of an idol SHOULD either of us have one and get suspicious. THEN after we have this “set” plan I guess Isaiah told Madison that he was voting for Jake, and Madison told him to continue the lie of being open and honest to the 2 of us so we don’t suspect anything, now if he WERE voting Jake and Jake had an idol I think he’d be impulsive and paranoid (like me) enough to play it and THEN those 3 would in all actuality be voting me, leaving me defenseless and alone, flushing Jakes non-existent idol (it exists theoretically though) and then I go home first boot 3-2. So yeah I don’t feel good but I’ll never feel good I also just scarfed down from chick fil a and now I have to poop. Anyways I will be casting my vote was Isaiah later tonight because that is the only move I can make and pray that my show watching, self loathing attitude has made such a positive impact on Madison and Joey that they want to keep me around ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

apparently isaiah wants to vote me out after being inactive for 2 days... bitch suck my taint. everyone else says they're voting isaiah so umm fingers crossed?? a bitch is nervous af regardless bc i will cry if i flop and get 20th

[o-taryn-o]

Watching The Last Jedi Thoughts and Reactions

I’ve been obsessed with reading Reylo fan fiction since the opening night I saw TLJ. Ive seen this movie a lot but thought it would be fun to watch it again and react. I guess I had a lot to comment on Rose and Finn and also DJ. Enjoy~

Wow these opening credits are super vague…

I really love this opening scene it’s 100% my favorite Star Wars opening.

Carrie Fishers daughter is super cool. Hux looks v tired and/or on drugs.

Sansa’s insane aunt from Game of Thrones. Love BB-8, I ship Poe and Hux more then Hux and Kylo tho. “punch it!” I love that they have enough time to say cute one liners when piloting a ship. THIS SCENE IS EDITED SO FUCKING WELL THOOOO. Its literally FLAWLESSLY edited. 2nd “punch it!” When the bombers show up my heart starts beating faster, my favorite action sequence ever. Not even thinking about how theres no gravity in space. I love Paige so much! Have I ever seen a asian woman save the day in a movie ever? Why are her hands so beautiful? I LOVE THE COSTUMES OF THIS MOVIE. I wonder where Kylo is? Finn bb!! I wonder why he’s in a storage room? This movie is SO SEXUAL. Love me some beautiful island porn. LOVE that Luke throws the saber, love subverting expectations. “Master Skywalker?” is so cute I have such a crush on Rey. Wow the huts are so cute. Daisy is literally so beautiful, want to be and also kiss her.  Progs, so cute. Rey literally doesn’t waste anything love it she takes the books later also. “Where’s Han?” and then cuts to Kylo love it. The fuck is a “cur”? ADAM DRIVER fuck. This room is so red, its so pretty. This movie is visually STUNNING. Ben’s hair is fucking glorious, also look at those LIPS! I just want him to be with Rey and happy. Ben is fucking loosing his mind Ryan made him look so broken I love it. “Prepare my ship!” is so sexy. Rey’s accent is so perfect. Literally what Luke said he doesn’t want to do he does by the end of the movie. Love poncho Rey! This island is so fucking cool I need more high quality pictures going around. The green milk is so funny. I love that Rey looks away from the creature in embarrassment but then not Ben’s naked chest. I need to take so many screenshots of this movie, theres so many moments people forget! Rey in the tree, so beautiful, I can’t wait to find out id those books give us any information next film. I hope the next film starts with the vision Rey and Ben saw next film. I want to see Reys dreams. I miss Carrie. 

Poe is so annoying, Leia is so right. What a great line, “get your head out of your cockpit”. How does Finn know what the binary beacon is? THIS is when shit goes down. I really like that everything in this movie goes wrong. “Follow my lead” so sexy. Ben is literally crying feeling his mothers presence. And yet people thing this isn’t a redemption story. *shakes my head* Even The First Orders uniforms are so crispty its beautiful. I really like that Leia saved herself. Finn looks so good in that jacket I’m so excited for his blue pants look. Chewy and Porgs is all I ever needed. The lights in the cockpit of the falcon are really beautiful. The shots in this movie are GORGEOUS. I feel like R2 has a really dirty mouth. I can’t wait for Ben and Rey to escape with the falcon from somewhere and then takeout. IM SO READY.  Luke is kinda creepy? Never liked Luke, Leia should have been the protagonist of the original trilogy. HOLDO is a BABE! Love her look and tone and everything she saids is bomb. I love that she talks about everyone else in the galaxy and the importance of keeping everyone hopeful. Why is there so much sexual tension between Poe and EVERYONE? I do feel like Poe is bi tho. Holdo is RIGHT, Poe is annoying and a dick. Sorry I don’t make the rules. He’s hot but wrong. Finn and Rose are so GOOD, it makes me so happy this whole scene. I’m sorry bb Rose I wish I could give her a hug. “Doing talking…” haha I love Kelly so much. Rose is v smart and I love that she stuns him and then drags him. DRAG HIM GIRL. All the men in this movie are making mistakes and the women are being smart this is true to life. Rose and Finn are honestly so perfect together. Its so annoying that Finn and Poe keep interrupting Rose, also true to life.  Maz in the next movie is gonna be into Reylo. Also “union dispute?” what the hell is Maz talking about? How and why does Poe know Maz? I love sleepy Rey, Ben isn’t even mad when he sees her. He looks her up and down so many times throughout this movie. He’s so in love before she is, its cute. Reys outfit is perfection. What Rey said actually wasn’t completely wrong. “s tension, a balance” REYLO! I love that they go into what the force is in this movie. Porgs on the ship is so cute, so is Rey in rain. Ben with his questions, I like that Ben is actually listening to her to see how she feels about him. HE LOOKED AT HER LIPS! WET GLOVES. Finn is so distracted. Pretty cool looks in the casino, those glasses are sweet. Finn/John is so hot. Love watching Rey with her staff. I need one of those belts. An ICON. Could listen to Rey’s theme all day. I feel so bad for the locals, Reys a little bit of a dick. Right when she decides to follow Luke I need that gif! This conversation is great but all I can focus on is the fact that Luke saids “huberous” twice always makes me anxious. I love space operas. Men failing, *a theme*. “I need someone to show me my place in all this” its Ben baby! DJ is cool, why does nobody talk about him. He’s such a interesting character. BB-8 is a badass. Fathiers are so beautiful. It was unnessicary for them to crash through the window and run inside, this whole case is too long. I can’t believe that they have already filmed most of the next movie. I like that Leia and Luke are talking. Now Reys asking the questions, she’s trying to understand him, she wants to understand him. I haven’t noticed till now how inconsistent their voices are over the force. Sleeping baby Ben is my favorite, with his calligraphy set? Precious. Did he show her his past? Or does she just believe him? I want to see the other cut scenes from Reys storyline. Its really cool to see Rey mirroring herself. This is a really cool scene. I’m so happy Ben has long hair in Episode 9. Bens already crying just from her telling him about how lonely she is!! They are eye fucking rn, I know what that look is. I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SEEING!!! Luke fucking ruins everything. Ben must be freaking out rn. Yeah get him Rey! I love this fight in the rain. Rey is right. The thing is like how do you know someones completely evil? Who makes that judgement call? This scene is cool, love the look of Yoda. Its a lot of pressure on Rey to continue the Jedi order if she’s the one who knows all the stuff in the books, Im glad she grabbed them. “The greatest teacher failure is”, “we are what they grow beyond” GREAT QUOTES. Rose is a badass. DJ is kinda right tho. “Let me learn you something big” so funny. No one can tell me Rey didn’t wash up and get pretty for meeting Ben. Ben made sure he was the first face she saw, he looks hot. Sweet hacking skills. The iron is really fun editing, they all look really good in the uniforms. The first shot of the elevator scene is so sexual, Ben holding her lightsaber in front of him with her hands in handcuffs. Oofff.  Ryan made this scene as sexy as he could. Its so intimate. They want each other so bad. Rey whispers and leans in. Ben is so soft. His trying to hard to focus on his goal of killing Snoke and saving Rey. Rose is so salty “of course you do”. I feel like everyone puts up with Poe because he’s hot,  because he’s a dick. Another failed plan. Yeah Leia get him! I love that she just shoots. Her daughter surrendering is really funny. Leia and Holdo are so cute I hope they made out one night really drunk when they were younger that was ,y first thought when they held hands. I absolutely love Holdo’s hair. Reys outfit in the throne room is so cool. She’s so strong, Ben is trying so hard to keep it together in the back. Theres no way Snoke bridged their minds. Ben got so scared when he said that. “No” she’s so strong. Ben looks so sad. Oscar Issacs ass is fine! John is really good in this scene and Rose’s scream is terrifying. Murder in Bens eyes. Its really scary that Snoke has so much control over Rey. Rey with Bens saber is all I ever needed. Bens gloved fingers are v sexy. Also THAT FLICK! When they look at each other they know, there in love. THIS FIGHT IS EVERYTHING! When DJ saids “maybe” I felt that. They are so powerful together. I love watching them fight together, can’t wait for the 9! Ben fighting off 3 guards is so hot. Rey dropping her saber and backhanding ir is really hot. Wow this moment is so intense its so quiet. Im so mad Ben didn’t stop the fleet though. The way he saids Rey, why are both of their voices so hot. I need Rey to tell him off in the next movie the way he’s telling off her parents. “Please” murders me. Rey is so smart, she knows he isn’t good yet. This is Rey’s moment of “I know what I have to do” Its crazy that Rose and Finn almost died by being beheaded! The silent part is so beautiful. Why was Phasma so far away? BB-8 in that thing is pretty weird though. Finn is so powerful. He’s super reckless in this film. Rose is so good I want to be her and slide hug her. “Rebel scum” is such a good line. Snokes lower body falling off the throne is super graphic. Ben is so mad Rey left. I can’t wait to see more of soft Ben, I don’t like him choking Hux even though its Hux. Rose and Finn are very lucky they made it below that door. I think everyone always thinks of Rose and Finn as cute and funny, but they are honestly serious and smart. So many people died in this movie. I don’t understand how they aren’t wearing goggles if its salt, they would be crying right now. This run takes a lot more time then it is distance wise. Its so pretty though, so I don’t care. Rey and Chewy saving the day is my favorite thing. “Wooh I like this!” so cute. I love watching Rey shoot. The crystal creatures are so pretty. Finn no! Yes Rose! “I saved you… dummy. Thats how were gonna win, not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.” Rose is right everyone! Listen up! Why does Ben say “no prisoners”, maybe he is bad? I love Reylo I don’t understand I believe in Ben. Is he lying to himself? Could he actually kill his mother? Luke and Leia are so sweet. Also their conversation about Ben makes everything more confusing, so he’s not gone? Aw Luke kissing Leia’s forehead is really sweet. Lukes wink is funny. This music is so good. Finn taking care of Rose is my favorite thing. The editing is so beautiful. Rey in snow >>>> Also “Lifting rocks” how does she know thats what normal Jedi start training with? Ben is such a baby in this scene, he’s so upset. I love that Rey and Finn normalize intimate friendship. Ben is the truest definition of a ‘Dark Prince’ if Ive ever seen one. I’m really glad Luke died here, its time, the sunset it really nice. 

Bens eyes say it all here. Chewy and Leia so sweet. Reys smile is so AWW. Finn putting a blanket on Rose is the best. Rey knows she’s thinking about Ben. “We have everything we need” I bet Leia had a big part in 9 I’m so sad Carrie is gone :(

This last scene with the kids is really the perfect ending, HOPE.

[tauruslilith8th]

So I think this sun square Pluto transit I have rn is making me low key depressed. I just feel dead inside and like I’ve been holding in a lot of pain that I don’t feel comfortable sharing with anyone. I just feel like I have to ride it out because I feel guilt to put negative energy on others. I did shrooms with D last night and I started crying while we were watching an episode of American Gods. But I didn’t want him to know I was crying and it made me feel worse to not be open to him, but I just feel so fucking fragile sometimes emotionally that it will tip me over the edge to feel like I am burdening someone with what I’m experiencing. But then I think I subconsciously caused myself to have physical pain because I was laying in a bad position in bed with him and hurt my neck and I was in distress about it.

I think I subconsciously manifested pain physically rather than talk about the emotional pain I was feeling so he would comfort me…. I think it’s crazy too. But he was like trying to comfort me and that was helping me feel better because I just feel alone inside sometimes and it was just a lot of emotion I was trying to push down to not seem weak to him. I know it’s ok to feel emotions but I hate having to feel like I am affecting someone else with how I’m feeling. We had sex and it helped me feel better❤️‍🩹

I felt like he was expressing his love to me with physical affection, slow and caring love…

Then we watched one more episode but I was still feeling off emotionally.. and I started crying again in silence next to him in bed. I didn’t let him know I was sad or crying and I was grateful it was dark to hide it easier. But I was still in pain and I asked him to lay on top of me because feeling his weight on me is oddly very comforting. Like I’m not alone , I feel his presence more. He started playing with my butt and it made me laugh, he was attempting to cheer me up, and he does a good job at that. I felt his care to help me feel better getting me to laugh a bit. He was just squishing it and saying it was his butt. And that slowly led to him getting hard… and we slowly transitioned to making love.. this time it was really fucking amazing. He was putting me in positions where I couldn’t move and pleasuring my clit it was the best I’ve had in a while.. it started with me riding him on top for awhile and then he got on top of me and took control and held my arms back. It was very passionate and just “making love” embodied. I felt like we were speaking our vows of love to eachother through our bodies. Truly connecting. It was as if he intuitively felt I needed healing emotionally and this was his way of showing me he loved me.

Oh yeah and then he said was was making him melt when I was giving him a prostate massage and I was getting so turned on seeing him in ecstasy. I was biting his ass and stroking his dick while massaging his prostate. Then he flipped me over and dominated me vigorously. Amazing sex. Then today we had a light oatmeal breakfast and he surprised me with some coffee (the way to my heart) even tho he doesn’t drink coffee, he knows I am all about my coffee to get going. We went on a walk to the park and I was still feeling this melancholy inside so I wasn’t very chatty… I just kept thinking about how I needed to not say what I was feeling because i would be more proud of myself for being strong and working thru it and not burdening him.

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 9: “-28... negative. 28. negative. twenty. eight.” - Jason

i'm fully a psycho, i practiced my acting in the mirror to pretend I accidentally voted Ian. its a mess. a REAL mess. and I might have done it for no reason, they took it super well so maybe I... shouldn't tell Jason...

i literally am why Ian left. I wanted him out since round two, and I made it happen even though nobody wanted it to. I FINALLY ACTUALLY MADE A MOVE IN A GAME. I FINALLY DID SOMETHING I'M SO HAPPY asldfa. I could CRY, I can leave this game happy.

um da fuck alalkdgh well I aldlkj so alkjdfc;l.

^ decipher thats all I got.

No honestly I don't know what to think right now. Everyone went crazy last tribal and I feel like I need to explain myself a little bit? First off my alliance voted someone oppositely of what they told me they'd do. And secondly, they used me as a total fallback. And what made it me CRACKED asf was that they told me none of it. Like we talked in the morning about how shit was going to go down tonight and decided on Jason. We were all in agreement and it was in motion. Later Tom asked me what the vote was and I was told to tell him Ian. Except Alex told me that he told him Me. Without warning me. At all. Which is like shitty. So I kinda got paranoid and started asking around and seeing what was what, and thats when Tom came up to me and said that there was a big blindside to vote me off led by Alex. Of course, my initial thought was that this could be happening and he made this big plan to vote off Alex and I talked to Ali about it but ULTIMATELY I decided to go with Jason as I promised. My mistake I guess was telling Jones, who I really trusted, saying that they wanted to make a move on Alex but I trusted him and said I voted Jason. I only said so because I was worried that it might fall through and I might need to be saved by her idol. Which I know is hers of course and I don't want to dictate when she can use it but with this insanity going around I just was really nervous. But honestly I can't believe that Alex and them all just decided against voting Jason without telling me. They said it was to save me, which of course is true, but they didn't tell me. And it was SHITTY for Alex to not tell me that he threw my name to Tom, like truly dumb. I know I've said I might want him out soon a lot, but honestly I HAVE NO IDEA what I'm going to be doing with the next tribal. I do wanna say tho that I like him as a person a whole lot! He's sweet and loyal and really kind, I just think he's gonna end up dominating this game if people let him.

PS I don't know if Julia has a problem with me. We were suppose to be voting together for Jason, and while she doesn't owe me anything, she just wouldn't talk to me. Like I think I wouldn't have CRACKED so hard if I could just reach her and get a grip on how she was voting.

She's being chaotic on purpose but only to me? I don't get it.

okay I'm off the alliance call. I just sent a really like emo paragraph to my hostchat but I'm so happy, which is gross because I just did Ian so dirty but lemme explain.

I have played 7 games before this (3 Survivor, 4 Big Brother) - I've come 2nd in five of those games, and without exception I have never EVER played a game I'm proud of. I always make fun of my game for being crap. Like I'm always a goat, always crap, and always play passively.

I'm so excited about this season and this game because... I'm finally playing the game and a game I am proud of. Like I'm not fussed about winning or making FTC, because lets be real, it fully is not happening, but I wanna leave the season proud of my game. And I already so am, like... I've wanted Ian out since round two, and I've been determined to make it happen.

And I did that. I literally was angling to get him out via a vote switch and then when the vote split came up, I knew exactly what to do. I knew Ian would be less willing to make amends and more able to make connections. I knew Ian was a threat and so urgently needed to be removed because he could keep a grip on the game.

I can't believe that. In a tribe of twelve people, where nobody wanted Ian out (the four votes for him were all just for the sake of a vote split), and I singlehandedly forced it through. I saw a target, knew to make a move and got them out. IM SO HAPPY.

in other news... I am a psycho, I literally went to a mirror, practised how to look shocked and then went on that call and acted my HEART OUT. I think people bought it, but it is. the. most. cracked. thing. I. have. ever. done.

I'm now kinda stuck, because I have two options. Either I tell Jason what I did earning his trust, or I just... try and work with Jason without telling him. One is riskier with more potential long term benefit, and one is a much safer bet. I am gonna think on it and decide tomorrow.

Also I was really mean about Jones, Mo & Alex in my confessionals earlier. I take it back, on calls they are so FUN. I think they just aren't texting people so I don't judge. Doesn't mean I necessarily wanna go too far with them, but I love them as people and feel bad for being mean.

also since this round solidified that much as I'm proud of my game, I'm not making FTC, I'd rank people in the order I'd vote for them as a juror as:

Jules > Alex > Mitch > Tom > Benj > Jones > Julia > Jason > Caeleb > Mo

Jules/Alex/Mitch seem very switched on, Tom making it to the end would be a real underdog journey, Benj is a king and has the right idea with an undercover duo, Jones/Julia savvy queens, Jason actually also has an underdog story we will need to see with that one, Caeleb telling Jones about the Alex plan is a real dumb move imo which lowers his rank for me. Mo is my SON and I love him but would need to see more game from him to be comfortable voting him at FTC in any scenario.

also ian talking about dom not deserving to win switzerland set off kill bill red flags for me. nobody who talks about dom negatively lives to tell the tale, you go BYEBYE. but also ian ilysm, like you were a major threat and had to go, but on a personal level i love you with my whole heart.

okay last confessional for now, the two moods:

June 30th yeehaw

July 2nd

Extra notes:

Benj and i are working on the idol hunt together and I’m already on like,, 30 w him so it’s gucci, I’m not gonna tell Alex ab it or anything bc I kinda wanna try and stray away from him a bit?? Like he doesn’t have to know EVERYTHING Ab my advantages yk?

And I’m probs not gonna try and use the vote cover on anyone rn bc every single one of my allies is like,,, up for exposure???? So that’s wacky,,

Also bc Ian was absolutely ROBBED of jury we’re thinking it’s a F2

Bc OF COURSE IT IS which I’m not mad ab but I have to think ab who i’d Really want to sit with,,, best case scenario for me is probs Benj,, maybe Mo? Not too sure,, but um ya barbecue sauce on my thiddies here we go into f11 onward and upward amirite

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGv10gbJxVU

this was b4 tribal 

So I lost Ian... and I'm kinda mad about it! I can't help but feel like I'm on my way to the jury because even the next day people are still acting super weird with me. I don't really understand how I'm a threat to anyone right now though??? Like I guess the Me/Ian power duo thing was valid but Ian's gone now so that argument should be moot.

I have no idea what to do moving forward. Up this point my game has been based on how I interpret conversations with people and how much I thought I could trust them... but I can't do shit if no one wants to talk to me (and I cannot stress ENOUGH how much sense this doesn't make).

The one good thing about me staying in the game I guess is I now have free reign to do whatever the fuck I want with my time left here. If I can blow up as many games as possible and stir the pot as much as I can at least I go out having fun?? Right?? But bottom line is I fully intend on lone-wolfing this game for however long I'm still here for.

My current first steps are to first throw Julia under the bus to Caeleb, and hopefully get something going with Caeleb. If I'm in with Caeleb, it might help with Alex, Jones, and Mo using me as a number.

Next is to pretty much sell my soul to the kingpin of this entire thing right now, Alex. I'm imagining a faux-Phillip Sheppard scenario where I tell Alex he owns my vote, but he doesn't really. I have no clue if he'd bite but it's worth trying because what the fuck else do I have left.

On the topic of Alex, I could also try to shift his attention into targeting someone like Mitch or Benj? I can embellish a little bit and tell Alex that Mitch is spreading a rumor that he has the Dirt People Idol or something along those lines.

Next on the (tentative) agenda is to talk with Jules and try to see where I stand with her. For some reason I feel the most burned by her from last tribal?? I don't trust her at all but as long as she thinks that door is still open I'll hear what she has to say. Maybe I can guilt her into giving me more info as well?

And the last thing I can think of is try making a better connection with Mo and Jones, and hopefully start some sort of game relationship with those two. I don't really see myself getting far with this one considering these two have been hit or miss in the conversations I've had with them, but there isn't anything worth not trying at this point.

Back to a less gamebotty point of view, I've honestly been oscillating between being angry and being upset about how last tribal broke down, mainly because I feel like Ali, Julia, and Mitch could've waited a lot longer to do something like this if they were worried about me and Ian (which I still believe they had very little reason to be worried right now in the first place). But I also feel like I had 9 doors slam in my face and the only person I can still be real with is Tom. I'm back at square one and I'm not happy about it, but I didn't come back to this godforsaken ORG to go down easy so I've gotta keep moving for as long as I can.

(Also I need to be willing to let go of Tom. I'm not gonna go out of my way to burn him, but I'm also beyond the point of wanting to stick my neck out too far for him. My longevity is the only priority right now.)

okay so... this vote is operation get Caeleb out of here. I really wanted to work with Caeleb, and I think he could have been a really useful number, but like... him telling Jones about the plan to vote Alex really, really rubbed me the wrong way. Like I do not trust him at all after that, I really do not know where we are at now.

So here is the goal. I'm about to call Jason and hopefully get him back on side. Then hopefully between Jules and I, we can convince Space Jam to vote Caeleb (I'm still confused how close he is to Mo/Jones/Alex, could be a good test). With Caeleb, a potential number for them, out of the way, next round its time for a big move, its time for one of Jones/Alex/Mo to go.

The numbers for that move would be (hopefully) Me, Jules, Julia, Tom, Jason, Mitch (6/10) + Benj hopefully, or at worst I'll just keep him in the loop. I really think Caeleb going could be so so good, it really opens up numbers and weakens Jones/Mo/Alex - it also narrows down where the idol is, something that we have to stay conscious of.

At the moment, my closest allies are definitely Jules and Benj. Jules is just.... the best, so woke, so on the ball, I am LOVING playing this season with them. Benj is such a king, my earliest like 'proper' ally even though Julia approached me after like 0.5 seconds in the game ha. I love Benj, and at the moment he also is quite out of the loop, he could also be a workable FTC option. I'm really stuck with Jules and FTC - you would be crazy to take Jules, as articulate and smart as they are, to FTC, but I really don't think I could face writing Jules' name down, I would feel AWFUL.

Also thoughts on Tom? He is too good for this world, he was so sweet about Ian/Jason going and like I really relate to the emotions he feels in games, on a personal level he is the best.

I feel like my plan going forwards is vote off Caeleb, then Alex, then Jones/Mo, and then figure it out from there. I really think if I play it right, I can slowly and calmly continue to have real swing over this game, I'm mc'loving it.

Also, because I keep doing this and its a fun pattern at this point, this is the order in which I would vote for people at FTC, if I go 11th at the moment:

Jules > Jason > Alex > Julia > Mitch > Jones > Tom > Benj > Caeleb > Mo

okay i just called Jason, such a king! i feel like i was VERY awkward, and I like I didn't articulate myself very well, but... he gets that we are going to need to potentially pull some shenanigans. I really want Caeleb then Alex, but if we need to just do Alex first, I can deal with that.

I think ideal situation is Tom wins immunity, Space Jam wants to vote Caeleb - we all go along with it, and then Alex goes next round, but we will see eek!

Oh wow hi it’s me, Mo.

So here’s the rundown on what’s happened the past couple rounds for my dumbass. First let’s start off with getting to merge, it’s a talent of mine, don’t look at my Italy placement. We’re out of that dumb fucking cave so no more waiting which is great. Another cool thing is I’m actually allies with Julia now which is weird because I’m going to be honest I was terrified of her going into this game. We had a past game experience that made me fearful. But now I’m sitting comfy in a majority alliance with Alex, Ali, Jones, Jules & Julia. By the way this is a first time thing for me, being in a majority alliance during merge. So this at least guarantees me final 7 or 6. It took me four tries to spell guarantees, who’s idea was it to put the u in front of the a it’s fucking stupid. But like here’s the thing, my gameplay is somewhat underwhelming. Basically my game relies on jury management and likability. Because I can’t strategize for shit, I just kinda smile and waddle forward when a door opens. I thought at this part of the game I would be close allies with Tom again but that didn’t happen. Apparently JJ told Tom about an alliance made in old Durmitor with Alex, Jules, Jones & Evan??? Made to like simmer JJ down. So now Tom doesn’t want to work with any of them (Which mind you three of them are my close allies) so he confronted Alex about it and I think he was like butthurt about not being included??? But like bitch I wasn’t included either but I’m not sulking about it. It wasn’t even a serious alliance. Also back to my alliances, sorry I know this is mixed up. MESSY, WHO BROUGHT NAPKINS IM GETTING MESSY. But I was also in an alliance with Alex, Jones & Caeleb after the swap. Called the Durmitor Dominators which is still a thing. But Caeleb wasn’t added to the Space Jam alliance with the group of 6 so I’m like??? What’s going on there??? I should probably talk about it with Alex because I am confusion. Also now there’s this new twist since we got out of the Dua Lipa cave, now we have to adjust to the sunlight with this exposure twist which basically means whoever gets eliminated gets to expose three people and whoever is exposed still by the tribal has to write who they’re voting for in chat. So I love that. But that’s about it for me thank you for taking the time to read this.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE VOTING JASON AT ALL THE FUCK I WANT TO GET ALEX THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BUT NO CAELEB APPARENTLY WANTS TO VOTE JASON I HATE THIS THEY REALLY ARE TRYING TO GET MY HOMIE JASON OUT!!! WAS I CONSPIRING AGAINST HIM AND IAN ALL WEEK? MAYBE SO! BUT I DON'T WANT HIM OUT YET!!! I DON'T!! WE ARE TRYING TO BLINDSIDE ALEX BUT THIS AIN'T WORKING UGHGHGHGHG *STOMPS ON THE GROUND* UGHGHGHGH I HATE THIS GOODBYE

Sooo besides the fact that it took me 5 minutes to find the confessional tab because I havent been doing these im here to update!!! Ian was just voted out and although i'm fine with it for now, I was NOT expecting a split vote. That makes me feel a little bit nervous going further into the game. I did think it was beneficial to split up the Jason/Ian duo but i was expecting Jason to go; not Ian. Anywho im almost positive im in the same predicament this vote. I've mended my relationship with Jason and im working very well with Tom to flip the script on Alex (who I believe to be running the game). Typically I would wait a few more rounds to get Alex out, but if everyone is playing for him to win, I might miss my opportunity like I did in my last season. I'm not blind! I'll do whatever it takes to go far and put myself in people's endgames. RN swapped Durmitor has the power. I dont necessarily like that because although im not on bad terms with them, I'm definitely on the bottom of that totem pole.

Tom sent seven confessionals in a row to be put at different places throughout this and last episode??? I guess??? But no thank you, so enjoy the thoughts in the order he apparently had them. ~Drew

*1 hour before tribal*

WHY IS ALEX SO CRACKED HONESTLY alex has said ian, caeleb and jason to 3 people i dont understand i am most likely getting played here but i dont want any of them to go, i see very high potential when working with all three of them so i think im going to try to make a big move and take out alex. I'm immune this round but next round im not so its a bit risky. I think Ali and Jules would be on board if there was the numbers there so if me ian jason julia ali and caeleb all voted together that would be majority and alex would be the first blindside of the game....

Tom

*10 hours before tribal council*

Everyone is pretty much dead silence i feel like everyone has an idea of who they would like to target but no one is really wanting to be the first person to throw a name out there so like its gonna get so fucking messy whilst im asleep and imma wake up to one big mess i already know it

Tom

*1-2 hours before tribal*

Okay so I've just woken up and i just spoke to alex and he seems like he just wants to do anything to get his ass safe this round which is sketch af, he is saying the vote is caeleb to me so thats cool and all but i asked caeleb what he was hearing just to get both sides and caeleb said alex said jason..... so like wtf is alex trying to do.....

TOM

ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION sinking ship is near i cba voting for alex now that he has told jones, he did the same thing as evan and i am just ready for his ass to go out the door ugh im so annoyed!

Tom

OKAY I CANNOT DEAL WHO THE FUCK IS THIS CAELEB KID HONESTLY WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT WHY DID YOU GO AND TELL JONES LITERALLY ALL OF WHAT I SAID....ITS A KNOWN FACT THAT THEY'RE A DUO OPEN YOUR STUPID EYES IDIOT!!!! THANKS SO MUCH NOW IMMA GET FUCKED OVER AND GET TARGETED BY ALEX AND HIS MINIONS NEXT ROUND. THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR TRYING TO SAVE SOMEONE I WANT TO WORK WITH IN THIS GAME....

Tom

*Tribal just happened*

Oh okay uhm well thats just fucking sad. I would like to say i never cry when a close ally is eliminated but i am a mess, i am crying right now at work and my driver is like "uhm are you okay..." yeah man im okay just crying over an ally that essentially died because i cant even speak to him anymore rip :( I miss ian so much i am so fucking furious that i am blindsided again at merge tho.... also really 9 people were in on that blindside split vote.....WOW! I am so surprised that ali and jules didnt tell me about the plan tbh they can say all they want about how they thought i knew but like if you thought i knew you should've just spoken to me about the vote.... like WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SPLIT UP JIAN when JONEX is still in the game they're much more dangerous and so much harder to get out every round we get closer.

Tom

waa waaa waaa call the wambulance! My plan is working so far i think tbh, mitch has been very responsive about this round and i am fairly certain that he has realised how fucked of a position he is in this game without me and jason here so he made an alliance chat which is good because that means he will work with us even just for this round. I think a lot of people now jian is out, have realised the next big big duo in this game is jalex so hopefully the movement on them occurs!

Tom

*hour after tribal*

Okay so this is shit me and jason are in minority and will most likely get votes split against us.... time to do something about it, in the past merges ive been too ive been in the bottom, and i was taken out this time it wont be happening as much as alex would like it too i will not let it happen! This cast seems to have fairly emotional sympathetic people in this game so imma express how sad i was at the tribal say i was balling my eyes out when ian left and how i feel so down and out and that i am very lost and sad in this game. Because this will make people feel bad for not including me in the plans and also it will create conversation for them to work with me to build my spirits up again and make me happy.

Just thinking about this exposure twist. Kinda cool actually. I'm surprised to say it but I think this might be the type of thing that I like to see??? Who am I. Kinda wish the reward challenge was more of a flash game over a typing game, only because I wanna know how hard the winner worked to get that score. Like for typing you kinda either are already good at it prior or you're shit at it, so I can't tell if Alex put in a bunch of time and effort to win. If it was some weird flash game that had a steep learning curve then I would know better and have a better grip on the game Alex is playing. Regardless, kinda excited about Benj having the curse because I think(?) that we can use that to actually do something crazy? Like I'm thinking a 5 vote blindside tie type situation where Benj throws out a red herring type of vote. We'll see, but I think I need to keep a low profile so who knows if that'll come to fruition.

okay mitch! has! been! elevated! to! king! status!

me and mitch have had a good conversation which I'm super SUPER happy about, he is someone who is in a similar spot to me, so I am SOOO happy we are talking yay. He agrees Alex needs to go soon, like... people are on the same page, maybe its time for it to hap' hap' happen.

since alex won reward, he'll of course save himself, which is fine. it means julia and benj are exposed, and while they're both close allies of mine, they are probably the two who would be in the toughest spot to vote alex, julia since she is like out of nowhere close to him, and benj since he is close to jones.

the plan could be to get alex and co to agree to another split vote or something, which separates numbers that could allow us to strike versus Alex. Maybe if we did like... Alex/Jones/Mo/Caleb on someone, Benj/Julia on another and then Me/Jason/Tom/Jules/Mitch on someone, making a 5-4-2 vote. oh god these merge vote counts have been so so cracked.

we will see. i think my placement this season is going to be like... 8th or something? I am scared of flipping for two votes in a row, BUT I feel like the good news is if I was getting voted out, either Tom or Benj would now hear about it, so I should be able to still play my idol. We will see ahh, but its very scary!

as always with my confessionals:

Bootlist: Alex > Caeleb > Jones > Jason > Mo > Mitch > Julia > Jules > Me/Tom/Benj F3

here is the problem though, I can't vote Jules out. I am such a Jules stan, voting them out would snap my heart it half, I really don't think I could do it. I think I would need others to do it, I'd probably want to be blindsided by it and kept in the dark.

and then the order I would vote people in an FTC:

Jules > Alex > Jason > Mitch > Benj > Julia > Tom > Jones > Caeleb > Mo

Ok so now I’m getting added to a third alliance chat which is supposedly a final 3 alliance. But like here’s the thing, I’d be sitting next to Jones & Alex. I have a snowballs chance in hell of winning against either of them. Everyone loves Jones and Alex has been kinda running this game so far. I’m just kinda his goat. Don’t get me wrong I wanna start making some moves but it’s too early, right now I want to stay unthreatening and low key. I might just have to ride this coat tail to the end because if we have bitter jurors they’ll end up looking at Alex.

So Alex says he didnt read the challenge post... yet came 2nd?

I dont buy it, I fully believe if I ask Benj and others what Alex asked to give him, he will say negatives. He is such a fraud.

also this split vote will be his undoing... his ass is about to be grass... mwahahahahha

-28... negative. 28. negative. twenty. eight. what the FUCK did i do to these people??

I don't even know where to go from here.

...but I mean I kinda do.

I can use this to further push the narrative that I've got no one and hence nowhere near the biggest threat/I'm the easiest target there is and HOPEFULLY people take their eyes off of me.

Aside from that what I WANT to do is vote Alex out (big change from my last confessional, I know). I think I have Tom and Jules on board if I were to pitch it to them, same with Mitch and Ali. I MIGHT have Caeleb but he ran it back to Jones last round so the precedent's already set. So from there to have a five vote majority was I was considering to split the other 6 votes. Julia and Benj are getting their votes exposed so they probably want to vote majority, which I'm anticipating to be someone like myself, Tom, or Caeleb. Ideally, the vote splits one of two ways— NEVERMIND

!! BREAKING !!

Tom says via Ali that Alex thinks that the 9 that split their vote on me and Ian are gonna split their vote again on me and Tom, but Ali isn't on board with that (if he's being honest), and I'd have to assume the same goes for Mitch since there's now a chat with myself him and Tom. So the plan from there (which ties into what I was planning anyway) is to get Jules on board (we called the day after tribal, she SOUNDS like she'd be down), and let the rest of them split their vote.

So that means...

FUCK Alex

FUCK Caeleb

FUCK Julia

FUCK the rest of em bc who??

[but not really it's a game I don't mean it]

But as far as tribal plans right now go... ideally it turns out

5-4-2

5: Me/Tom/Mitch/Ali/Jules for Alex

4-2: Some combination of Alex/Mo/Caeleb/Jones/Julia/Benj for me/Tom

I probably get the 4 again, Tom gets 2... or other way around??? I get the 2 if Mitch/Ali/Jules are meant to vote for me?

But anyways don't be shocked if this is all for nothing and this is my last confessional x

god... negative 28...

i am so frustrated with julia. okay so tom told me apparently on call she said she has a F3 with Alex/Jones, specifically a F2 with Alex. Now... I fully feel like Tom made this up, BUT I asked Julia about the vote and she says she wants to ride out the Space Jam alliance...

is she nuts. is she NUTS kjlasdfas. Literally I feel like WAY too much of this tribe is drinking the Alex Kool-Aid and I can't describe how frustrating it is lowkey. Like I sided with Alex relying on like... Julia's wokeness that we could then detach ourselves, Alex is now FULLY running this tribe and it terrifies me.

It solidifies to me that Alex needs to go this round. Like....this round. He is running this tribe, he has grips on Jones/Mo/Caeleb/Julia, and potentially Benj through Jones. That is SUCH a large amount of this tribe, so I need to stick my neck out. I'm fully embracing that I'm not making FTC at this rate, so it's just time to shake stuff up.

Here is the plan. I am going to play into the split vote plan, we can get Alex and his minions as they shall henceforth be called to split their votes between Jason and Tom, and then maybe Me/Tom/Jules/Mitch/Jason vote out Alex or any of his minions, I don't care which.

At this rate, I'm going to be going into F10 in a potential 5-5 situation, but honestly... Jones/Mo say about a word and a half of game between them each round so they are not workable allies, Julia who flips at literally the drop of a hat is suddenly misted by Alex and Co., Caeleb is just infuriating for telling Jones about the Alex vote, shows he can't be trusted. That leaves only Benj my king, the only woke one, though I am afraid of his connection to Jones.

I just WISH this TRIBE would use their BRAINS. Specifically Julia at the minute.

I’m so TIRED I’ve been so quiet maybe that’s why people are thinking about targeting me :)

Ok ok lemme back up a lil,, this is all according to Alex,, which,,,,,,, idk about YALL but he’s giving off a bit of a paranoid energy right now,, and I’m fully aware of the fact that he has the best chance at winning this game out of anyone here, sooooo maybe let him get eaten by the wolves soon? Not necessarily soon but like,, ya soon. Don’t wanna get him to the end skkdkdkdks. I also think separating myself from Alex might take a target off of MY back, I’ve been trying to separate myself like on my own terms but I think I need to start like,,, setting the stage kind of thing. Idk all I know is that I have a better chance sitting with anyone BUT him,, So maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing to push Alex into the fire a little bit.

I have yet to hear a name, though I’d like to get Tom out personally? He can slide utr really easily,, plus we can (or at least I can) confirm he doesn’t have an idol, the only question is does Jason have an idol and is willing to play it on the only person he voted with? Who KNOWS!! We just have to make them feel comfy (assuming we have the majority vote that is KSKSKS)

But ya stay tuned laid ease

okay so alex is really trying to play me and its very transparent. now, this could just be tom playing which if so, good for him, his mind and his MIST, but here is the deal.

tom tells me him and alex had a conversation about pairs, where Tom threw out Alex/Jones as a pair, and Alex threw out Julia and I. Then in Alex's retelling of that same conversation, side note its funny that I heard the same conversation from both sides in the space of about 10 minutes, Alex conveniently leaves out that he threw out me and Julia as a pair, and he is SO defensive about him and Jones as a pair.

Jones was on my ass immediately when Caeleb told her Alex could be the vote, and Alex also knew super fast. You are really going to try and convince me that you aren't even close when you have spent 23 days on a tribe together, and from the sounds of things, voted together every single time! im not buying it.

for this vote, i want either alex or an alex minion out, i think mo would be the most do-able. jones is close to caeleb, who we will need as a number, so if alex's idol paranoia is too big, maybe we need to remove mo from the equation? we will see.

mo is my org son, and i love him on calls and such, but I am confused by the game he is playing. I'm potentially super underestimating him, which is a definite possibility, but at the moment.... its like... do something charlie. is he just going to hide behind Jones and Alex, because that's not smart.

i would like to see Alex go this vote, but i think he is already too paranoid (i think tom stoked his paranoia WAY too much). I think Mo could end up being the back up vote, which is probably actually okay, because Alex is a definite shield moving forwards, particularly if still paired with Jones.

Updated Jury Vote Rankings:

Jules > Alex > Jason > Tom > Mitch > Benj > Julia > Jones > Caeleb > Mo

okay I'm like... getting frustrated with Alex. he literally does not know how to be subtle about anything lowkey, like this vote split is literally his 4 OG Durmitors voting 'correctly', leaving all his unsure numbers Me/Jules/Julia/Benj on Jason... like mc'what...

i really want him gone, EVERYONE is drinking the Alex Kool-Aid. Maybe I'm not seeing it, but Jones and Mo particularly are playing SO passively, I fully want to scream.

I need to convince Caeleb to make a move. It's really time to just send Alex, or literally any of his minions out of here. I want to include Julia so badly, but she is so blindly misted by him out of nowhere, I hate it UGH.

I think I want Alex and Mo out as the next two votes, Alex runs the show and Mo is just too passive of a player to be a workable ally. Jones is much more of a threat, but Benj likes her and I want to respect.

I just can't deal with Alex and Co. playing so passively for another round, I'll scream KLASDFA.

Alex aka Gru (because of his minions) unfortunately goes byebye tonight. It took a bit of last minute persuading of Caeleb, but we have GOT THIS ahh.

It looks like its going to be either 6 votes or 5 if Tom self-votes on Alex (Me, Caeleb, Jules, Tom, Jason & Mitch), 3 on Tom (Jones, Mo & Alex) and 2 on Jason (Julia and Benj).

This could definitely backfire, but I don't think I'll go home (famous last words), and if Tom/Jason gets idoled out, next round there is still wiggle room because I still have my KING Benj on the other side. Jones/Mo/Julia are going to be coming for my neck, but I'd rather face the minions than Gru himself NNN,

i might live to regret this if Caeleb turns on me, but I take back everything negative I've EVER said about Caeleb. He is an icon, and so so fun to talk to. I feel like he really trusts me now, so I can't turn on him unless I have to.

New goal final five is Me/Jules/Benj/Tom/Caeleb... and I think its do-able. We get Alex out this vote, then Julia/Mo/Jones/Jason as the next four, followed by Mitch... I'm not sure how exactly, but we will figure it out AHH.

[poppunkdee]

3-5, 28-30, 35-40

whoa okay everyone sorry for the long post someone decided to give me a million in one ask. 

3. okay so this person idk what to even say about them anymore I hardly know who or what they are like now but I guess ill talk about them when I was irrationally in love with them. They had a way to make me feel at home no matter how far from home I was. That person was super smart (to me) they had a charisma that allowed them to creep into your life and later your heart, and had you liking them even if at first you thought they were just another fake person trying super hard to be “cool” they had a way to get under your skin, to make you laugh until you’re crying and hold your attention in a way that you never really thought they might be able to. Honestly this person made me feel so many things and not all of them were good, in fact looking back now I realized that I excused so much shitty behavior towards me because of a fancy dinner, or a cute poem, or a dozen roses. God i was so in love with them and its sad really how now its just a faded memory of a person who never apologized for the hell they put me through. 

4. the thing I regret most so far is not going to the ivy league school I was accepted into bc it meant I would be far from the person mentioned above. 

5. Oh fuck. Honestly I have not had any like “amazing” birthdays. My most memorable birthdays are seared into my memory bc I was either in a funeral home, in a hospital watching my cousin fight cancer, or I myself was in the hospital bc a car almost killed me(yay 24th birthday!) really I have most fun when I celebrate my birthday alone at disneyland, which I do every year although not on my actual birthday bc it seems that on my actual birthday I’m always caught up in some kind of hospital, or receiving bad news. 

28. honestly idk if i have any like crazy out there fetishes, like dirty talk and rough sex is cool but like idk if i really have like one odd thing. I mean one of my exes and I got hella drunk one night and decided to do all the shit we had wanted to do and lemmi tell you that was a full weekend of endless orgasms and take out food. It was amazing. I had rope burn on my thighs and was sore for a week after and he had like a million hickies from his neck to his dick. 

29. okay turn ons so like these depend on the person im seeing, like for one person their voice as they whisper in my ear might end me while for another the way they bite their lip and run their fingers through their hair might have me thinking of how those fingers might feel on me. so really I don’t have like one singular set of turn ons they just vary depending on the person. 

30.OHHH TURN OFFS THO. so these will literally dry me up like the Sahara desert and make me grab my shit and leave kyle’s house. If I say "men are trash” and the guy replies with “well not all men.... “ yeah ya cancelled. okay this one is shallow I know but its there and i really cant get past it, bad dental hygiene. the white ppl who try to have dreadlocks but really they haven’t washed their hair. ANY NON BLACK PERSON SAYING THE N WORD. I can go on really bc I’m super picky with the people I sleep with and i have actually mid thrust have told a guy to stop, got dressed, left and blocked him. 

35. Things i wish I could stop doing, okay so like as yall know my anxiety gets the best of me sometimes and I wish I could stop the nail biting. Also I need to stop expecting my body to go back to how it was before my car accident, like my spine is forever hurt and i really have to learn to accept that there are somethings i just cant do anymore and its not my fault there are limitations on my body so i should stop expecting to be able to go back to the gym like i used to, or do all the adventurous activities i used to do, also I wish I could go back to driving like i used to without the PTSD fear running through me every time a big rig is next to me on the freeway. 

36, okay so as of rn my guilty pleasure is that I read the twilight books bc my roommates got me into it and like holy shit i went through the whole saga in less than a weekend and I now need to rewatch the movies. honestly thank god for this gay twilight renaissance I’m living. But really tumblr is full of my guilty pleasures so like just scroll through my blog bc its all there, half of this shit is not on any of my public social media,.... or wait actually i think it is, i don’t really hide who i am so like it definitely has affected the way people judge me before they really know me but i know the people that are my friends after seeing the shit i post kinda really like me.  

37. Damn okay so this is kinda, ugh, okay so im sure my best friend is tired of me running back to this person but like i like ppl who ruin me i guess. So this person and I started dating after i had gone through like a horrible breakup, AND I got the news that my uterus is like a war zone for new cells(make of that what you will). Anyways here I am five months into a depressive episode i cut off all the people that i had thought were friends but who turned out to abandon me when i needed them the most. so here enters this person with their puppy dog love and gives me wonderful dirty kinky sex along with the hugs, cuddles, after care and takes me to these cool experiences in the city I thought I knew. They support my dreams and help me work towards them, honestly it was a great three months, but this person told me they loved me one night while at a night club and i thought hey youre drunk pls don’t do this and honestly it was mostly cowardliness that drove me to end it bc i didn’t feel the same way and i felt like i didnt deserve this new pure love i was receiving.  Anyways we hooked up a bit after we broke up and then they started dating someone else and we just kinda saw other people but would come back to each other after our different flings ended, until they got into like a real relationship with some one else and like I was cool like they deserve it, could have used a heads up but like i keep my space like the respectful person that i am, although lately this person has told me they are not into the person they are with and has been hitting me up and like the part of me that thinks im in love with them is really pushing for me to go for it but also they ARE STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP AND ITS NOT OKAY THAT THEY ARE SENDING ME MESSAGES LIKE THIS!! so anyways i think im more in love with the feeling they brought me those few months we were together bc i was just so fucking depressed and they helped pull me out of the hole i was in. So not really in love with the person but with the feeling i guess. 

38. songs that remind me of people. oh god, yall can i just make a spotify playlist and link it later bc theres so many. I have a few songs for like everyone that I know that i can make playlists for individual people so like i’ll just link a playlist when get around to it pls remind me later. 

39. OHHHH BOYYY. things i wish i had known earlier. i wish i had known men are trash earlier in life so that i would have been somewhat prepared for the men that caused trauma in my life. I also wish i had known how little time i had with certain people. (people i regret not making more time with) Also wish I had known about the accident that had me in a hospital on my birthday bc a year later im still plagued by nightmares, PTSD, and anxiety on the road. I also wish I had known about my cousin’s accident. GOd if there’s one thing i’ve had to learn the hard way this past year is that we never know when it will be the last time we see our loved ones and that we have GOT to tell them we love them bc we NEVER know when it will be the last time.  

40.okay last one, the end of something in my life. I wanna talk about a good ending bc i feel like yall got some insight on bad shit so like good endings i’d say is when i left socal for norcal. I come back literally anytime im homesick but like it was a huge step for me to take to leave, I was given a full scholarship to the wilderness and an apartment thats a ten min walk to the beach. It was definitely hard leaving all my friends and family behind but it was also kind of refreshing to be able to go out on my own to make my own path and do something i love. im back in socal for the summer and although im so happy to be back in the warmth of LA im definitely looking forward to my small apartment that constantly smells like a mix of sea breeze and damp forest. 

[swearronchanel]

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER 6.07

AHHH OMG, I was out all day & Actually MISSED the NEW episode like wtfff?!!? it was TOrture!! & I literally had to delete twitter and Tumblr off my phone because the devil himself would’ve tempted me lmfao😭 I love spoilers but not when everyone has seen the episode but me! it’s okay though I had some rum chata to distract me lol, which is just rum and horchata which is the Hispanic version of Horlicks so, At least I was in the CtM Spirit 🙃

Anyway I’m finally getting to watch it so here we go ..

shit I’m so nervous and I haven’t pressed play

why is my heart beating so fast omg

i usually skip the intro but I’m legit not ready

PHYLLIS !! 💕

damn Vanessa already hinting at what’s to come

Baby Susan so precious omg!!

No lie one of the prettiest babies I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen lots of ugly babies and lots of cute babies, I’m qualified to judge.

“Courage and resilience will matter most of all” 😭😭ahh omg

My spirit animal and campion Phyllis deserves nothing but the best I’m not ready to see her hurt

SHELAGH GETTING EXAMINED 😭😭💕💕 MY HEART IS BURSTING & her belly is so big omg!

CRYING SHE STILL CANT BELIEVE ITS HAPPENING ME EITHER BBY 😭 like holy shit I’m still not over it.

But I’m going to binge series 6 with my mother when I’m home Saturday and can’t wait for her to watch because she wanted to see shelagh have a baby & also she doesn’t know what tf has happened 😭😭😂 it’s been a crazy series! She will be s h o o k

“I know I’m just not a very relaxed sort of person” SAME but BBY RELAX 😭💕

LOL I WOULDNT HAVE READ IT EITHER

That was a cute moment with Babs and Shelagh!! But still wish it was w/ Trixie though 🙁 also it didn’t seem like a “heart to heart”? was it supposed to or was I expecting too much

Aw Rhoda 💔

what a ignorant ass teacher though, I’ll  FIGHT HER REAL QUICK

BOY OR GIRL??? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW UGH WHAT IS BABY TURNER??!

ugh Shelagh and Patrick’s faces 😫 I hope they don’t feel guilty for having a baby

But also why does shelagh have to keep wearing the same things lol, I feel cheated of all the cute maternity looks she could’ve served instead

“Having to explain” poor Mrs Antoine UGH THAT MAKES ME SO ANGRY, THERE’S NOTHING TO BE EXPLAINED   I’m mixed, Hispanic and white not black and white but still my dad is tan & we’ve been places where people have given my parents the dirtiest looks and have heard a nasty comment or two & it BOILS MY BLOOD

Omg the Antoine boys are precious

TRIXIE 😍😍 my bby looks good!

PHYLLIS IN TROUSERS HELL YES

UM VALARIE CAN U NOT BE RACIST

I swear if she says anything more I’ll lose my shit

“No one can really choose who they fall in love with” BLESS U DEELS

Bless Phyllis for making sure those cubs don’t grow up to be as ignorant as their parents

“I surmise the puller of teeth is intended to admire it” SISTER MJ IS A GEM

LOL SISTER J WANTS HIM TO COME THROUGH

SISTER WINIFRED WITH ANOTHER PRICELESS FACE IM DEAD

A bassoon? Lmaoo what the actual fuck Tim

Oh it’s for girls ofc LOL give him a girlfriend already, I’d get such a kick out of it. & Patrick could make another dad joke and say like take a lesson from me I legit beat God over a woman’s heart

The Mullucks fam 😭

Patrick with Susan omg aww

Trixie looking like a b a b e I’m dead 😍

“You’ll look like you’re trying to hard” DELIA HAHA OMG SHE GETS LIKE ONE MIN OF SCREEN TIME BUT SHE ALWAYS HAS GOOD LINES

I need Trixie’s everything, no joke. HOW

But I’m dying my hair blonder this week don’t play

Ah my bby shelagh again 😍💕

I feel so sorry for Patrick like this wasn’t your fault

LMAO SISTER WINIFRED CANT CONCENTRATE IN COMPLINE  SHE IS ANNOYINGLY PRECIOUS

She’s scared to take her driving test aw 😂😂 same like I have my permit but I’m scared to fail the actual driving test

“Oh I have a soft spot for the Antoines” PHYLLIS TIENE UN GRAN COROZON 😭

Omg Mr and Mrs Antoine are so cute too, dios te bendiga 😰

Christopher being a flake wtf no me gusta

Sister W is in on the drama like Sister B was, am I right??

LMAO HER RUN

Prosthetics are so wild, my abuelo has a prosthetic leg and I was so interested when he first got it. But also I’m going to hell for being evil because I joke around way too much when he’s extra senile

“People call my kids hair frizzy, but I think it’s beautiful” MY HEART😭💔 literally my mom was the same with me. Defensive over my curls - even tho my hair is frizzy sometimes😭

The song though, took me a second to process but that’s my bby shelagh’s song ?? Ummm wut

lol sister Winifred hella late, let me guess this will make her want to drive?

this prosthetic place is so great wow omg

damn it Bernie

PHYLLIS LOVES THIS FAMILY AND I LOVE THEM ALL OMG 😭😭

GET THE RUM ! or I will lol

ah never mind

LOL SISTER W AGAIN & PHYLLIS SHAKING HER HEAD

the question is, does/has sister Winifred drink/drank ? she seems like a light weight

fuck is this when it’s gonna happen

I’M NOT READY DAMN IT

damn Bernie..

UGH MY HEART IS RACING IM SO ANXIOUS AND SCARED AHJXKWLXM

HOLY SHIT OMGGGG

THAT WAS SO HARD AHH OMGG

IM FUCKING SCREAMING

Phyllis is in shock o h m y g o d

I can’t process this either

OMG I CANT DEAL

PHYLLIS IS SOBBING, IM SOBBING WTFFFF OMGG 😭😰😰😰💔💔💔

MY FUCKING HEART

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OMG

AW SISTER W ASWELL UGH WTF I SHOULDNT FEEL SO MUCH

LMAO OMG THANK U FOR COMIC RELIF

TIM SUCKS LMAO stick to the damn piano boy

PATRICK AND SHELAGH GIGGLING OMG MY HEART IS OKAY NOW 😭😭💕💕

SHELAGH AND PATRICK BEING SO CUTE IM CRYING

DAMN THALIDOMIDE

DAMN THAT CAR UGH  

DAMN IT ALL

LOW FUCKING BLOW BERNIE THAT WAS NOT HER FAULT

BABS TRYING TO COMFORT PHYLLIS  IM CRYING AGAIN

SHE IS SO HURT, I AM SO HURT, IM A BLOODY MESS OF TEARS. IM SOBER AND SAD NOW & THERE’S MASCARA In MY CONTACT LENS & MY 3yr OLD GREMLIN LITTLE COUSIN IS KICKING ME (lol he’s laying next to me)

AND CARRIE CRYING NOW OMGGG NO LENNY WONT DIE STOP

“That lovely gp of yours” lol does everyone have a crush on Dr Turner but me? Lol don’t come @ me pls I’m sorry I know people love him 😭😭 Im here for Christopher and Tom But He is handsome, just in an older man way Lmaoo guess it’s cause he could be my dad 😂 lol he’s older than my dad

I’d take him as a sugar daddy real quick though. I need my tuition paid and he is so sweet😏 😭😂

So it was a scarf, hmm I thought trixie was gonna find like stockings or something

“Not Hermès but something very like it” lol how does Trixie know what Hermès feels like on a nurses salary?

Valarie is on my nerves & she’s had like 2 mins of screen time Lmaoo I’ve liked her until this episode. I hope they don’t ruin her for me

“But I’m a member of the institute of advanced motorists”  UGH PHYLLIS IS A GEM WHO DOES NOT DESERVE THIS !! SHE IS THERE FOR EVERYONE ALWAYS, SHE ALWAYS DOES GOOD WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN TO HER?

Aw Sister Winifred

Oh Rhoda 💔💔she’s such a great mother

MY HEART, THEY WERE WALKING AWAY FROM BEING TEASED

BLAME THE RACISTS, IT IS ALWAYS A VALID BLAME

YES PHYLLIS IS A GOOD WOMAN! 😭😭

Tom trying to comfort Phyllis😭😭

“You’re fond of your meat, and our views on God and His existence are divergent to say the least, but we both follow vocations…. so if you caused harm to someone else, even inadvertently would it not make you question what everything in your life has come to stand for?” I’m c r y i n g

“I, a rational woman, have no one to question but myself” 😭💔

IM REALLY HURT

“Sometimes cheering people on the sidelines doesn’t help”

my bby killing it 😍

Why you being a flake Christopher? go ahead man tell her about your kid

BRUH YOU DONT TELL HER LIKE THAT LMAO

he’s divorced ah, thought it was out of wedlock. I don’t care though haha

NO DRINKS FOR TRIXIE, TELL HIM BBY.. in your own time of course 💕

BABY SUSAN SO PRECIOUS

Fred brought her car ugh And Phyllis is still so hurt as am I 💔

This lady is so sweet! I hope she and Rhoda become friends right now

DID SHE TAKE DISTIVAL TOO?

lol wait where are the Turners I miss them??

“.. and the words ‘Nonnatus house this is not a midwife speaking’ are most unlikely to reassure the caller” SISTER MJ!

YES SHE DID OMG. I need them to be best friends omg 💔😭

“Nothing was said, nothing was done” 💔💔

PHYLLIS LOOKING AT THE CAR

SISTER MJ IS GOING WITH HER MY HEART OMG

my heart my heart

aw the mullucks'😭 ofc IT WASNT YOUR FAULT!

SISTER MJ IS A GEM 💕😭 & PHYLLIS IS JUMPING BACK IN

TWO GEMS 😭💕 but also if this was the birth they meant that sister MJ was involved in ill be lowkey sad, but we shall see next week if she’s randomly with Shelagh when she delivers

Trixie serving more looks 😍

Aw my bby 💔does she tell him about her alcoholism at the end of this ?

Also what are we guessing about Valarie rn?? she has a secret? tragic backstory to be unlocked? what ? She gay?

Aw the mulluks’s again! All so sweet💕 & YES LYDIA BE FRIENDS

ugh Christopher looks good af😍 and that car yes

YES TRIXIE 😍 my girl looking good as well

SHE TOLD HIM 😭 IM CRYING IM SO PROUD 😭😭💕💕WHY DO I FEEL SO PROUD FOR A FICTIONAL CHARACTER??! I love her

Oh shit Patsy’s dad is dead. I assumed that was coming

Phyllis reassuring Delia awww

PHYLLIS BACK AT THE CUBS 😭 MY CHAMPION AND SPIRIT ANIMAL BOUNCING BACK

Lenny’s speech omg brb crying

The support group for thalidomide victims omg my heart

I was cryin before and now I’m crying more for this Irish lady

Omg side side side note there was this cute old interracial couple that seem like my parents in 20yrs in JFK yesterday that were so precious and sweet and we’re talking to me the whole time waiting at the gate & then there was this sweet Irish couple who were confused about the time difference and I helped them out and then when we landed they helped me out looking for my bag so now I have much more faith in humanity because usually the people in NYC airports are angry new yorkers who don’t care lol like me (jk)

“There’s no rule of life so simple or so true ..” 😭😢💔💖

Thank u Vanessa I’m so emotional, show me next week 

Bonus: next week

OMG PHYLLIS HUGGING SHELAGH OMGGG. I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED TO SEE THIS

PHYLLIS BETTER DELIVER THE BABY I KNOW I WANTED TRIXIE BUT IT DOESNT SEEN LIKELY AND SO INEED PHYLLIS (sister J too ofc?! She was barely in this past episode)

MY BBY SHELAGH’S TUMMY IS SO BIG IN HER UNIFORM OMG SHE’S SO PRECIOUS I LOVE HER I MISSED HER THIS PAST EPISODE

BUT OH MY GOD BABY TURNER IS COMING HOLY SHIT THIS IS HAPPENING THIS IS NOT A DRILL

HERE COMES THE PILL READY OR NOT #LETSGETIT1962

Lol oh shoot I didn’t take mine yesterday or today brb

AW DELIA

WHAT IS SIGNIFICANT ABOUT BABS SLEEPING I NEED TO KNOW

Lol idk why but even though I like Tom and Babs their relationship just doesn’t do anything for me😂😂 like I don’t give a shit? They’re cute but idk it doesn’t cut it. Like they’re just there and I’m like “aw ok”

OMG I CANT WAIT WHAT WILL HAPPEN ?! I NEED ANSWERS

I will die next week. For real.