#the way the scripts are so pared down now but they say so so much more than they ever did. insanity

[mummer]

thinking about. after sally beats that guy to death and shes like I did this. and barry’s like, You didnt do this i did this. I did this. say it, say You did this. but shes still like I did this, I did this. and theyre both right. feeling sick that this is literally the first time barry is actually truthful to her, ever, the first time he’s holding himself accountable for the violence of his presence in her life. the first time. he DID do this. he wants to take all the blame from her, the agency from her. but the contrast is stunning because for sally that truth isnt her last resort, it’s the very first thing she says, she doesnt dodge the blame or lie like barry has done for YEARS, she DID do this, she has to own that, when he never could. honestly, sally feels much worse than she SHOULD about killing a guy in self defense who was only there because of barry’s malignance. like how was any of that her fault. she was being fucking choked on the ground and was going to die otherwise. but no! she refuses! no more lying to herself, no more rewriting her own story, no more!!!!! i did this!!!!!!

[wol-fica]

[ℝ𝔼ℂℍ𝔸ℤ𝔸𝕄𝔼]-ℙ𝕣𝕒𝕚𝕤𝕚𝕟𝕘-

parings - jennaortega x fem!reader

summary - jenna loves to praise you, and you love to do anything she asks. unfortunately, a guy tried to get in between that…

warnings - m e n, oral sex, fingering, anal sex, sixty-nine, praising, r being a downright simp

an - hey guys !

—————

Do you ever dream up such a surreal thing that could never happen, but it surprisingly does?

Some people beg for unrealistic expectations, like a fancy new car, or a shiny rollex with your initials engraved in gold. Sometimes you get those things, most times you don’t; it’s a heavy ‘what if’.

You were one of those people, dreaming of the impossible and wishing for the utmost crazy things. But unlike others, you didn’t crave a new car or a fancy wrist watch; no, you wanted someone. 

See, you loved to be involved with movies and celebrities, tracking down what films they work on and all that jazz. You ranged from smaller, upcoming actors  like Tom Blythe, to bigger faces like Millie Bobby Brown. It was so fascinating to you, being that you valued cinematography and everything that comes with it, so your appreciation for the faces behind the wonderful characters that you love so much need the same attention. 

Naturally, crushes did form on certain actresses; how could you not fall for such an attractive person? You had such a heavy crush on Jenna Ortega, forming from her performance in The Fallout; she was just so beautiful to you. You would have little fantasies, picturing yourself dating her and just having a blast, it was perfect.

Now somehow, you actually met Jenna. It was completely an accident; you were working your normal shift at the library and she happened to stop by looking for some books. To say that you were awestruck was an understatement, but you didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable in any way so you opted to control your fangirling and stay cool when she came up to purchase the novels she chose.

To your complete and utter surprise, Jenna asked for your socials. She claimed you were ‘good looking and charming’ and she wanted to become friends of the sort. The two of you chatted in instagram dm’s constantly, until you sent your number one day and then Jenna asked you out about a month later. 

Fast forward to now, two and a half years later on the set of a movie that Jenna was acting in. She had (informally) posted you as her personal assistant, meaning you had to listen to whatever she said and asked for with no complaints, not like you would anyways.

“Excuse me! Coming through!” You shouted, running past some crew workers while holding a cup of coffee and a pastry. 

Jenna had asked you to get her some food, claiming that she was a bit peckish, and if you were quick she might share some with you. To say that you sprinted was true, harnessing your inner highschool track legs to be as fast as possible so you could deliver what she wanted.

With a shove and a slight “omph” from shouldering a door open, you hurried into the big production room. Cameras were everywhere, with large lights and wires connecting all around the large set piece. People were hurrying about, actors and their makeup teams rushing to add some last touches before they started rolling.

Jenna was sitting in her chair, a script in her hands while she lazily flipped through to review some lines. As you neared her, she looked up to meet your eyes, a smile crossing her face at the sight of you.

“I got the goods!” You said breathlessly, holding up the items.

“Did you get what I asked for?” Jenna asked, taking the pastry bag to look inside.

“Yep! A white mocha iced latte with one pump raspberry and some strawberry purée cold foam, and a unicorn cake pop!” You said enthusiastically, proud that you remembered her favorite order.

“Good girl.” Jenna praised, pulling you down by your collar so she could kiss your cheek, “I’ll let you have some when we finish this scene.”

You nodded, a blush covering your face at the subtle comment she slid in. Jenna would do that often; whenever you did something good or did what she asked, she would either say “Good girl” or “That’s my girl, just what I asked for”. It gets your brain to short circuit and your stomach to churn pleasantly everytime.

“You can sit in my chair while I work, I don’t think anyone will mind.” She said, sipping her drink with a satisfied hum as she stood up, “Tastes perfect darling.”

You smiled, doing a little fist pump for being so damn good at pleasing your girlfriend. After settling into her chair, you took out your phone to scroll through instagram. Beside you, Jenna was chatting to the director about little things they could do to make the scene better. You heard something about a line delivery, but a funny reel caught your attention and you zoned out for the rest of her conversation. 

“Baby.” Jenna’s voice called to you after a while, causing you to quickly look up.

“Yeah?” You said, eyes on her as you gave her your full attention, “Do you need something?”

Her eyes softened, her hand coming up to cup your face. The pad of her thumb brushed across your skin, rubbing gentle circles on your cheek bone.

“No, I just wanted to let you know we are on a three hour break.” 

You smiled, nodding happily, “Do you want to go to your trailer? Or for a walk? I can grab your hiking shoes!”

“No need for that, we’ll hang out in the break room.” She said, tapping your leg as a silent command to follow her, “There is lunch in there as well.”

You stood up, stretching and cracking your back with a sigh. Jenna’s hand patted your stomach, her nails scratching your skin through your hoodie before she walked away with you hot on her tail. You both made your way into the room, Jenna heading to set her stuff down while you went straight for the donuts.

“Hungry much?” She asked with a laugh, watching as you stuffed a maple glazed donut into your mouth.

“Mphmmmm.” You moaned softly, relishing the taste of the sweet treat. 

“Chew with your mouth closed, don’t you have manners?” Jenna said, coming over to you with a napkin. 

“Omf curse I do.” You said, your words muffled by the donut in your mouth.

She raised her eyebrows, pulling back from wiping your mouth to give you a look that said ‘for real?’. She shook her head when you shrugged your shoulders, reaching up to finish wiping your mouth off. 

“Always so messy.” She noted after throwing the napkin away, “You need a portable pack of Kleenex or something.”

“I usually have one in my backpack.” 

Jenna hummed and nodded, picking up a plate to put some salad on. While she added her toppings, the sound of a door opening caught your attention. Turning your body towards the door, your eyes widened at the sight of who was walking in.

It was Mason, one of Jenna’s co-actors. He was around her age, maybe a little older, with a sturdy build and charming face. Almost everyone loved him, since he was claimed to be so charming and handsome, and loads of girls have unbreakable crushes on him. You used to think he was a great guy, until he started flirting with Jenna and giving you dirty looks every time he saw you. 

Soon you picked up on the fact that he had a thing for your girlfriend, and clearly disliked you for getting to her before he did. He always shot flirtatious comments towards her and constantly made sure he was around her at work so he could talk to her, and that unfortunately made you super uncomfortable and upset about the situation.

You have never been a confrontational person, and when anyone ever disliked you or was angry, you would just duck your head and nod in submission. Jenna usually defended you, knowing that you had a tendency to just take the blunt of the aggression, but for some odd reason she never noticed how Mason treated you. 

“Jeeeenna!” Mason dragged out, a charming smile on his face as he heard towards her, “What’s up?”

“Nothing much, how are you?” She said, setting her salad down to give him her attention.

He held his arms out, signaling he wanted a hug, and leaned in to wrap his arms around her waist. His hand went a little too low for your liking, his fingertips brushing way too close to her bottom, but Jenna pulled back before he could go any farther. Your eyes narrowed in jealousy, but not a word was uttered from your lips.

“I’m great.” He said, his hands still on her arms, “Care if I join you for lunch?” 

Jenna shrugged and nodded, gesturing to the seat next to her. You watched as they both sat down, letting out an irritated puff of air when Mason sneakily scooted his chair closer. Their conversation blurred while you stared, unease bubbling up in your stomach. The way he would so subtly touch her, whether brushing his hand on hers or rubbing their knees together; it made you mad. Your emotions were begging to be let out, scratching at your throat to just go off on him, but your anxiety held you back; yet again, you were afraid. 

The thing that was irking you the most was how Jenna responded to him. Her body language was open towards him, her focus and attention almost fully on him. She was smiling, nodding and laughing at mostly everything he said. It was like she completely forgot of your existence and that made your heart ache. With a sigh, you grabbed your phone and moved to leave the room. 

“Y/N?” Jenna called to you, making you turn to meet her confused gaze, “Where are you going?”

“Gonna get some air.” You said, eyes cast down away from Mason’s condescending smirk, “Just text me if you need something.” 

With that, you exited, and Jenna didn't miss the sense of urgency in your step. A pang of hurt came from her heart, a small frown of sadness coming to her face. 

“Anyways…” Mason said, gaining her attention back, “I’ve been meaning to ask you a question.”

“What is it?” Jenna asked, her eyes locked on the door in case you came back in.

“I was wondering if you wanted to grab dinner?” He asked in a hopeful tone, “A date at Providence?”

She finally turned to him, disbelief all over her face. As she stared at him, it suddenly clicked in her mind why you so abruptly left. You were insecure and upset, over the fact that Mason was flirting with her and she was doing nothing to stop it.

“No thanks. I have a girlfriend.” Jenna said, standing up to toss the rest of her salad and pursue you.

“But-.”

“Don’t, I’m not interested.” She interrupted, grabbing her bag and hurrying out of the room. 

She speed-walked down the hallway, eyes peering into every open door in search of you. Each time she looked for you, but didn’t see you, the feeling of dread filled up more and more. She almost gave up after about ten minutes, that was until she found you sitting outside.

You were curled up against the wall, your knees tucked into your chest while your chin rested on your arms. Jenna approached slowly, sliding down beside the wall to sit beside you. She stayed silent for a moment, staring up into the sky while listening to you breathe.

“I’m sorry.” Jenna said after a while, turning her face to you, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s fine.” You mumbled, your hair blowing in the wind while you spoke.

She pursed her lips, feeling like your response was not how you actually felt. She tracked your features, searching your eyes and finding a trace of unease inside your irises. 

“Pretty girl,” Jenna tried again, bumping her foot against yours, “Can you look at me?”

You turned your head, meeting the brown eyes that you fell so hard for. She smiled at you, her hand reaching out to interlace her fingers with your own. Her thumb rubbed your skin, warmth cascading throughout your body from the gentle gesture. 

“I want you to know,” She said, her voice full of confidence, “That no one will ever deter my love from you.” 

You couldn’t help but crack a smile, a small blush coating your cheeks at her words. Jenna giggled softly at your reaction, pulling her hand from yours to cup your cheek.

“I adore you; some stupid guy will never change that.” She murmured softly, her eyes flickering to your lips; a request.

You made the first move, unraveling your knees from your chest to push yourself towards her. She met you halfway, sighing through her nose when her lips pressed into yours. She tasted like vanilla cookies, her scent overwhelming you while you kissed her. 

Your hands went up and around her neck, hers sliding down to your waist to pull herself into your lap. She leaned into you, breaking the kiss for a breath before diving right back in. Her lips slotted into yours, her body weight pushing you against the wall while you both made out. 

“You’re beautiful.” She said between kisses, “My perfect girl.”

“Jenna-.” You started but she cut you off with a kiss.

“My good girl.” She purred, sliding her hands under your shirt to feel your skin, “My trailer is about five minutes away.” 

You nodded furiously, following her closely when she stood up. Her hand grasped yours, fingers intertwined as she pulled you along the gravel path towards the trailers. The walk took less than five minutes, equaling to three since Jenna decided to do a bit of a jog.

Once she unlocked the door and pulled you inside, she pushed you up against the wall, kicking the door shut. Her lips found yours again, her hands pulling your face down to hers to be as close as possible. The feeling of her tongue prodding at your lips set you ablaze, a moan slipping from your mouth while her warm muscle explored you. 

“Bedroom. Now.” Jenna said breathlessly, trying to tug you in the direction of her bed.

You complied, falling onto the mattress. Your clothes were practically ripped off of you, with Jenna somehow undressing herself before you even laid down on your back. She straddled your lap, her hands running along your naked body.

“I think we should try something different.” She mumbled to herself, turning around in your lap.

You opened your mouth to ask what she was up to, but was immediately shut down when she slid down so her mouth was directly above your heat. Her legs went back, knees on either side of your face; sixty-nine position, one she has been talking about doing for months on end. 

A puff of air hitting your clit made you shiver, your eyes falling shut when you felt her fingers drag through your already drenched folds. After a bit of rubbing and messing around, Jenna pushed her fingers in about an inch; a test to see if you were okay to keep going. You whimpered, your legs automatically opening wider for her to easily penetrate you. 

“I’m expecting you to do something back there.” She said sternly, still slowly pushing her fingers into you, “I don’t want to wait.”

Your eyes snapped open, immediately directing your attention to the task at hand. You gently pushed her thighs farther apart, your thumbs coming up to spread her folds open. Carefully, you pulled her onto your mouth, your tongue licking and prodding her entrance as you tasted her wetness. She moaned softly, her movements unwavering while she still fingered you. 

You whined in pleasure when she wrapped her lips around your clit, arousal flowing through your veins. Between the two of you, Jenna was definitely more experienced with sex. You loved to be of assistance to her however you could, being labeled as a “service top”, what your friend called it. 

You pushed your tongue inside of her hole, relishing in the way she moaned around your clit. You thrusted back and forth, filling her up with each push inside of her. The feeling of something spongy on your tongue made you giddy, focusing your assault on massaging that sensitive spot. 

Jenna pulled back from you to give a guttural moan, her fingers finding a faster pace to match your tongue. You could feel your orgasm rising quite quickly, and you knew Jenna’s was close behind from her velvety walls tightening on you.

You came first, your body seizing and mind going blank for a moment. Jenna stroked you through it, her other hand rubbing your thigh while you calmed down. Soon though, she followed you suit, her thighs squeezing your head as she released on your tongue. A cute little noise exited her throat, sort of a moan and an exhale; either way it was adorable. 

“Oh…” Jenna sighed, her fingers twitching inside of you.

“You good?” You asked, knowing she could either want more or be completely burnt out, “Need anything?”

She pulled her hand away from your legs, rolling over and moving until she was sat up beside you. Her eyes met yours, brown irises burrowing into your soul as she analyzed you. Her shoulders slumped slightly as she stared at you, desire pooling in her pupils.

“God…” She said, her hand reaching out to affectionately stroke your thigh, “I want you to sit on my face.”

“J-Jenna!” You stuttered, your face going red in shock.

“Please?” She asked, leaning over so she could peck your lips, “I wanna make you scream my name.”

You’re not sure when you said yes, or when Jenna flipped you both over, or when she got you sat up and over her mouth, but either way she had you where she wanted you. 

Your hands gripped the headboard, trying to not lean all of your weight onto her head in fear of hurting her, but one pull from Jenna and you were done for. She guided your hips down, her tongue licking lazily between your folds. 

A whimper exited your mouth, which turned into a satisfied moan when she finally pushed herself inside of you. The stretch felt nice, and the sensual rubbing she was doing to your thighs was pleasing to you. 

“Oh Jenna!” You moaned out, throwing your head back at the feeling of her tongue finding your sweet spot. 

One of your hands went down to wind into her hair, while her hand slid up to your chest to pinch your nipples. She groped and pulled at you, pumping her tongue in and out of you at a fast pace. Your hips started to rock back and forth, small whines slipping out everytime her teeth caught your clit. 

“Fuck…” You whispered, your eyes rolling from the pleasure between your thighs, “I…I’m close…”

Jenna hummed beneath you, causing you to cry out, and proceeded to pull your thighs farther apart and press her fingers against your other hole. She rubbed for a moment, before gently pushing two inside of you. 

The attention was too much, being that her tongue was inside of you, her fingers were inside of you, and your breasts were being squeezed so pleasantly that you practically broke down on top of her. A guttural moan erupted from your throat, your orgasm crashing down hard. Jenna helped you through it, licking and pumping until you had to push yourself off of her due to overstimulation. 

“You okay?” She asked after you settled yourself into her side, your arm lazily slinging over her waist.

“Mhm.” You nodded, burying your face into her neck for comfort. 

“You did good, pretty girl.” She praised, kissing your temple before grabbing a towel off of the side table to wipe her face with, “I’m impressed with how you ate me out earlier.”

“Don’t underestimate me, idiot.” You joked, patting her stomach, “I’m not that vanilla anymore.”

Jenna laughed, pulling you closer to her chest. She threw her blanket over the two of you, snuggling into you and intertwining her legs with yours. 

“Don’t we have to be back soon?” You asked sleepily, fighting to keep your eyes open, “They need you.”

“We have two and a half hours.” Jenna murmured, tucking her head under your chin, “And I need you right now.”

“But-.”

“Shhh.” She whispered, kissing your neck, “Just hold me.”

And hold her you did.

————————

taglist: @crystal-lily-101 @tundra1029 @rainbow-love4ever  @imhungry-andtired @theafterofnevermore @k1mba @simp4thena @thenextdawn @alexkolax @annalestern @efectoangel @fall-08 @andsoigotabutterfly @littlegaybutterflysblog @sayaisrotten @deep-fried-egg @frasersgf @thispussyshouldcomew

[zaftikat]

Game Review: Firmament

EDIT 2023-06-08: I have been informed that developers used so called AI tools to assist with asset and story development. Needless to say this makes my review moot. You should not give money to Cyan for Firmament if you haven't already.

There is something of a pit in my stomach when I think about my gameplay experience with Firmament. Deep in that pit, in a modest Dutch Colonial fixer-upper, lives the potential for this game. The setting has so much more story to tell than we were given. It lives in that Myst-like space where we enter a world at its nadir. Violent collapse has occurred, but we hold a glimmer of hope for what comes next. That is not an unfamiliar formula for fans of Cyan. Is our Virgil trustworthy, or is she leading us to damnation? Who are we when the game tells us that deep sleep erases memory? We’re told that we are the next and possibly last of the many Keepers. A collective whose goal is the preservation of a cooperative order that will create a livable world for the Arrivers. Our Mentor gives us a mission—activate a series of towers, and prepare the worlds for the Embrace. In order to do so we must complete a series of traversal puzzles with our handy dandy Adjunct—a device clearly designed for VR compatibility at the cost of the expected Cyan gameplay experience. Pausing for a moment to lift ourselves to the meta-context of this game, Cyan pitched backers on the notion of what I’m calling VR-first design when they reached out for crowdfunding in early 2019. I think that context is necessary to understanding the game, so let’s talk about it after the cut.

When the game first entered crowdfunding, I had come fresh off of a re-play of Obduction. Obduction is a game that by all accounts is a triumph of Cyan design aesthetics, and when I saw the project page for Firmament, I was ready to dive in right then and there. Games have development cycles, so I knew I would be waiting. Then 2020 happened. The project, by necessity, had to be scaled back from the early tech demos. A decision was made to redouble the focus on the Adjunct tool. It would now interact almost exclusively with nodes. This meant paring down puzzles that did not interact with the core mechanic. Cyan did not shy away from the fact that the game was going to be scaled back, and even spoke of it as a function of approachability. We know all this because they, throughout the development cycle sent numerous detailed backer updates. For all I may detract from the final product, I must equally praise the communication from Cyan. As a designer, I know games take time. Coding shaders, composing dynamic music, writing scripts, creating environments, there is so much that goes into creating a video game and Cyan kept their supporters in the loop on every part of the process. Nevertheless, it is abundantly clear the game was scaled back. I finished the game in 8, with at least an hour of that time tabbed out to work on personal projects.

The gameplay, with its VR-first design, leaves so much to be desired. Instead of the interactivity we’ve come to expect from Cyan games—with even mundane objects being game entities—we instead have a far more empty world, where every puzzle is solved by the Adjunct. In late Curievale, there is a puzzle wherein you ride an elevator up and down, then connect 4 nodes after running back across the zone in order to then run across the zone again to get to the next puzzle. The tedium of trying to finesse the nodes so that your fully upgraded adjunct will do its job is an essential mechanic to the game’s limited longevity. In the subsequent Curievale puzzle, there’s a section where the game expects you to fire a node through a miniscule gap in some ice. The puzzle isn’t about how you engage with the elements of the problem, but about how you can master ways around the physics engine. A game that uses janky controls as a difficulty gate is effectively trying to frustrate you into a longer gameplay experience. And that refrain repeated a few times while I traversed the three still visually stunning worlds.

A few months before I write this, Clayton Ashley of Polygon put out a video wherein he praises the pseudo-genre of note-taking games, and indeed does highlight their heyday by citing entries from Cyan’s game library. It bears repeating here, Firmament was designed as a VR-first game. Nothing breaks immersion in VR quite like needing to take off your headset to write things down on paper. And this fact is the truest tragedy of Firmament’s gameplay. I think fondly of getting to break out a notebook to teach myself the grid system of base 4 numbers used by the Villein in Obduction. Here, gone is the simple joy of having to learn to solve puzzles. Learning, finding secrets, and sniffing out details of the world are one of the key drivers of exploration in a puzzle game. Without that element, the worlds, despite their gorgeous and massive scale, feel lifeless. Not in the way a game like the Witness feels both lifeless and lived-in, but rather one that feels devoid of any interest. Like the world has been sanitized after everyone disappeared. It’s an empty platform on a disused subway line that has been assiduously scrubbed of any evidence of life or use. We get some bits and pieces of story, intentionally obscured by our Mentor and her agenda. Most of what we learn is told to us as a series of cryptic Proper Nouns. We don’t get a look at why until the game has been completed, twist largely untelegraphed. Myst and Obduction have bad endings that you might reach if you’re not carefully exploring and studying clues. Firmament is far too linear for that. There’s a cavernous echo where those human story elements would be in other Cyan games, and worst of all they skipped out on the FMV, an essential part of the Cyan charm. 

So that I’m not just endlessly ripping on this game, let’s talk about what it does well. The aesthetic design and practicality of the setting is fascinating and beautiful. They have made gorgeous use of Art Deco style to produce a world that feels narratively coherent, nostalgic and futuristic all at once. The Arches combine that styling with a sci-fi megastructure to create that cohesive and stunning visual language. The Adjunct provides clear direction in puzzle solving by making obvious the possible interactions, though this is somewhat of a trade-off when puzzles become jank fights. The game leaves me wishing and wanting to know so much more about the setting, and that is the mark of compelling world design. There are also some truly fun puzzles like the greenhouse platform puzzle that call to mind that very Myst-like feeling of nostalgia. Each of those elements still feels insufficient to make this game what I had hoped it would be. I so desperately wanted to love this game, as badly as the soft-boy kindness influencer wants to be bi for clout. But like the milquetoast wishes-he-wasn’t-straight man, I just can't bring myself to swallow the nut this game offers. 

[hedging-my-bets]

Cyberpunk 2077 is a bad game: Electric Boogaloo

Cyberpunk has a problem that could almost be framed as a poignant and interesting limitation meant to point towards an important element of the genre it takes place in, but is almost certainly just a weakness put there due to development issues and poor writing behind the game.

You lose your agency. A lot.

In video games, where generally most of what separates the experience from watching a video is that agency, this is a problem.

Once again, liberal, unmarked spoilers for the game, and brief mention of suicide to boot.

Here's Johnny

Let's get one thing straight, I quite like Keanu Reeves' work for the game. Writing aside, he gives a good performance, his likeness fits the setting perfectly (even though I used the alternate appearance as soon as I realized it was an option) and having him stuck in V's head to pester and support him ties nicely into the main plot.

I still think it's one of these systems that was not quite finished, or thought out, by the time was released, because how much you and him get along are (sort of) one of three "tracked" percentages on your main menu, along with your fame around Night City, and how close the chip in your head is to killing you.

Or something. It's never really explained, and has even less to do with gameplay.

Ostensibly the only one of these that matters is the Johnny stat; your fame/infamy might trip a few switches in missions but doesn't, for example, change how many enemies show up to a fight with you, or make jobs more complicated because there's heat on your head, and the Relic malfunctions are scripted events that happen only during missions with the main cast of characters. You're never going to have a seizure in the middle of a firefight because you've spent too much time dicking around, so the ticking clock aspect isn't there. Maybe at one point the game cared how much time had actually passed in the world, making it a weighty choice to use the option to go to a location ahead of time and wait for the proscribed hour for a job, or even to catch a few hours of sleep.

I focus on Johnny because even though you yourself are in control when he takes over your body (outside of a few cutscenes) you don't get to play your character. You're playing someone else in their body. And that doesn't rub me the wrong way as, say, the constant drugging and kidnapping you experience in Far Cry 5, a game I have boundless wells of hate for after playing it, it does bother me.

Now here is where I admit I've only played through two of the endings. Three, technically, but the one to skip the final mission and end your story on your own terms (with a bullet) doesn't count for a number of reasons. It doesn't even have an achievement, though the cutscene is emotionally powerful and well done and doesn't seem like a tacked on end. It gives the impression that this was, perhaps, something you'd choose if your dwindling health and ability had gotten to the point where you knew you wouldn't even make it through your last run. But without that pressure, there's no good reason for a person who paid for this AAA title to just ignore one of the few impactful sections of content in the game.

The first ending I got focused on taking a deal from Arasaka, the big corporation in town, the one you've made personal enemies of via your actions in the main story, and, because I chose the Corpo background (yet another pathetically pared down swath of content) the place I thought I would have some connections I could leverage. Technically I did; the game did present dialogue choices that were unique to my background during the tense boardroom presentation, but I have a feeling that the other choices might have something of their own to say there, and in any event it wouldn't change the flow of the mission.

I chose that option because I had not unlocked the secret ending, which seems to depend on a specific series of dialogue choices with Johnny Silverhand in a side mission. I'd still maxed out my friendship with him, I'd become a legend in Night City in my own right, but I guess the developers thought that only by saying the right words at the right time, he'd have enough faith in me to let me do my own thing.

Company Man

So, failing that, I took Arasaka's offer, hoping to fulfill Johnny's dream of taking them down from the inside. Unfortunately for me, doing this made him loathe me, it erased all goodwill, because there was no option to turn this deal into some suitably explosive Fuck You to the corporation that had made my life hell probably from the day V started working there.

You're marched into a boardroom to give testimony to the true events of the inciting incident of the game, but, really, you're not needed at all. A copy of the deceased CEO's mind is what really sways the executives. You're just there for flavor, and so that someone capable can kill all the security that shows up to put an end to the meeting. And when you survive, and make it to the man responsible for all this, you're not even allowed to renege on your deal and blow a hole in his skull, as I dearly, dearly wanted to do.

You're shuffled off to space for a long, drawn-out, but again well executed series of barely interactive sequences. They help you, as they said they would; but you're going to die anyway and they refuse to aid with that. Alright. That sucks. That's what I get for not going with the plans that involve an AI's assistance, basically a god in this setting. That's on me. I said fuck you to their offer to upload me to their servers and chose to live what's left of V's life back on earth. Which was going to suck, since everyone I know's last memory of me is getting into a limo with Japanese Business Satan.

In a game that is all about screwing over oppressive and corrupt authorities, it really sucks that this ending exists at all, let alone one you can choose for yourself rather than something you get railroaded into by burning your other bridges.

Why Can't I Just Shoot Him

Now it's important to note that some missions have secret endings only achievable by ignoring the dialogue going on and using violence to some degree. A rampaging set of proto-AIs can be erased or merged into one for one side job, and Johnny makes clear which he'd prefer you to do, but the best thing is to put a bullet in the core and that somehow frees all of them to do whatever the hell they want. How would you know this is an option? Well, most of the times you're in dialogue in situations like this you can't draw your weapon, or you can't shoot the plot-important NPC by mistake. But sometimes this fucks up too.

Another job has you fall for a scam and you wake up naked and stripped of your weapons in a bathroom, ready to be processed by the local organ and cyberware harvesting gang of Scavengers. While, of course, Johnny mocks you.

Again, it's not the player 'falling' for anything. It's stupid to fork over thousands of eurodollars for a braindance you know nothing about. But it's a side job. You don't want to leave money and experience on the table. Presumably, writers and developers put effort into creating some content behind this offer, so as a player you are encourage not to let it pass you by.

This was tense on my first playthrough because even though I was left with my cyberdeck and quickhacks I had very little defense and stat boosts associated with my clothing. Second run was a lot easier; they didn't take my monowire out while I was unconscious. Why not? Well, that would be rude, I guess. You murder your way through some scavengers, get your stuff back, and off a few more for daring to target you.

At the end of that job, you can go back to the man who tricked you, starting the quest, and tell him to leave town. Or you can, with the right dialogue options? I think? Shoot him, like he deserves for what he did to you and countless others. Except if you decide you're letting him leave, he's invincible and can't be killed as he's running away.

Which is strange, because yet another side job lets you rescue a corporate nobody getting beat on by some NCPD officers, get him to pay you as thanks for saving his life, and then blast him for whatever else he has on him. It's within tolerances for those who want to be as cruel as possible in a video game, sure, but that kind of flexibility just isn't present in the rest of the game.

Why be allowed to kill one nobody to eke out some extra cash, but be barred by honor and programming from ending the life of some guy who generally, genuinely ought to die in order to stop him from doing what he's doing over and over? As separate storylines there may be some reasons to justify why one NPC can be killed and not another, but taken as a whole, what is the message being given to the player?

This isn't about "oh well if I want to shoot the shopkeeper and take all the stuff I want for free, I should be able to do that" theory of gameplay. That doesn't have to be supported, but I think a game is more interesting when it is, even if I don't often play that way. But consistency is important.

Does This Count As NTR

The romance system just isn't great and this is really a sidebar that doesn't deserve it's own post, it barely deserves the attention I'm going to give it, but I just want to complain about it.

The options for who you can romance/fuck are sort of even for a male versus female V. Except, not really. There are a couple NPCs who will fool around with any combination of body and voice/pronouns (because those two are what are tied together, it's weird) and the four plot-important, fleshed out NPCs are a mixed bag. Do I think it's weird that Judy will only fall for a female V of voice AND body type? No, it makes sense, but it's weird from, of all things, a balance perspective. No other NPC cares, it's apparently just down to body type for them.

Also the only male gay option is, like, seventy years old. Yeah, he looks good for his age, and he's got the rocker aesthetic going, but c'mon. I wish River was bi, at least. The fakeout response I got going for it after his mission line was amusing, but it still stung a little.

My point in terms of agency is that there's one plot mandated sex scene, in Johnny's memories and his body doing it, and two that can occur while Johnny's in control of your body, and while you can turn down one of the latter, the other is pretty unavoidable. It doesn't gross me out or anything, but it does bug me because, once again, all this stuff is happening in a cutscene, but it's still my character literally under the control of someone else. I can't even say it's the Director, it's the plot moving things along, it's someone else controlling my body.

Maybe one of the writers had a fetish. Maybe a bunch of them did.

The Illusion of Choice

This probably goes into the bucket of "they didn't have time to make it better" but also rubs up against this strangely deep current of cynicism in the writing of this game, and indeed a lot of the tie-in media. Apparently there are a lot of comics put out either released with the special editions of the game and generally printed; I've read a few of them and they all have downer or at best ambiguous endings that basically say "fuck you, nobody wins". And that's okay for NPCs. It's a shitty setting. But for a PC, nah. It's about winning. Or at least trying to.

A lot of the instances I take umbrage with are ones that are most likely writing issues. An NPC is going to die at the end of a storyline, because the writers said so, it's nothing mechanical; you pull the trigger, or someone else does. Sometimes it's the target of someone's long-nursed grudge, sometimes it's because there are missions down the line that wouldn't trigger if they're still alive, whatever. I know Cyberpunk was initially sold as a game where your choices matter, and that label fell away pretty quick as the game neared release, but when a company like CDPR fucks up this bad it bears repeating to the point of absurdity.

Most of the options left to you tend to be spite-driven, or just easy to write and code: turn off a revolutionary gibberish-spouting computer to piss Johnny off, no reward, just a dick move. Again, making him angry locks you out of more content than it opens up, which restricts the way you play your game purely on what you'll get to see if you don't pick the right choices.

You're not here to make Night City a better place, that was never an option, really, and it doesn't have to be one for a game like this. But the core of cyberpunk (the genre) is taking the power made available to you by capitalism and authority (cyberware and other technological advancements) and turning it against them so lessen their influence on the world.

Did Anyone Even Play This

There was a game ages ago called Alpha Protocol. A sort of espionage Mass Effect-like with tone-based dialogue options and skill trees and relationships with NPCs. The great thing about it was that making someone hate you could still have positive effects for you, sometimes even gameplay events in missions that made things easier, you didn't have to suck up to everyone and then have to pick between who you wanted to like you more when faced with a binary choice. If you make someone absolutely hate your guts for being too violent, they can make it easier to sneak past enemies because they're constantly cautioning you to be more subtle. It may not fit with your playstyle, but it's still a mechanical bonus. I'm not sure I've seen any other game do something like this for earning the ire of NPCs or groups of them besides a gain in reputation among their enemies.

In Cyberpunk you can, occasionally, treat someone like shit and they'll still call you for help with the next mission because You Gotta. So the writing is carefully moderated to make sure you can't be too much of a dick. And, you know what, that's fair. If the writers decide they have a floor for how big of a jerk the PC can be, that's their decision. But presenting the player with strangely jerk-centric options that might even reward you greater than being a nice, or even just humane person, muddies those waters.

The Final Fuck You

The other ending I got, on my second run, is the secret ending. As mentioned, you have to choose specific dialogue options with Johnny in a side mission, and generally have a good relationship with him. The internet seems unsure about the specifics but there's definitely a gameplay flag denoting whether you will or will not get the option for this ending.

Which you do by agreeing to Johnny's suggestion that you cede control of your body to him, he brings in his old friends for the final run on Arasaka, and then waiting about five minutes at the dialogue options before he cracks and says, well, yeah, maybe you could do this all on your lonesome.

This is a problem. For a lot of reasons.

It's just tied to how much he likes you, and has nothing to do with that fame stat, or even how strong you are. I could switch on my Sandevistan and cut a dozen people in half with blades sticking out of my arms before the first one hit the ground, but unless I said the one specific thing to Johnny in an old oil field, he wouldn't believe me capable.

Having to wait at dialogue options is actively discouraged in other parts of the game. A lot of conversations will have the NPC bark something at you if you take too long going over your options. As someone with attention issues who alt-tabs out of my games to chat with my friends or fiddle with music playing in the background or even just getting up to use the bathroom with my headphones on, that's really annoying. And it teaches you not to have a lull in the conversation. So you would very likely never encounter this naturally, you have to look up how to do it. And that's a game design sin.

The ending is pretty satisfying, in terms of the experience. You basically walk in the front door and kill your way through Arasaka's deadliest troops, including a fight with Adam Smasher with zero assistance. When I got to that fight in my first run I think it was implied that an allied netrunner took a chunk of his health out for me. This V had no such help. And the fucker has health gates, so every once in a while I'd have to back off and let him finish staggering because it would be ungentlemanly to continue slicing his very expensive armor to ribbons, apparently. This is a dicey situation to be in given that the secret ending mission has the penalty that if you die, once, you go straight to credits. Thank god for Cheat Death, Biomonitor, and Second Heart.

The real problem is the writing at the end. After doing this all on your own, after inviting an AI into the sensitive systems of Arasaka and giving them the keys to the kingdom, as promised they assist you in untangling Johnny's soul from yours. But guess what! You're still dying. And this time you find out that somehow, you're only dying because it's you in your body. If Johnny keeps it, he gets to live out the rest of your natural life as you.

How that fucking works is not well explained. But, again, whatever. Bad writing, it's the mood they wanted to work with, probably has something to do with future content having to take place shortly after the end of the game. Speaking of which, I'm definitely not getting the DLC (supposedly) coming out later this year, not on launch at least. And, probably, not at all.

But in this best ending, if you choose to go back to your body and live out the time you have left, you become the new owner of the Afterlife, the premier bar for edgerunners in Night City, and the start of the real biggest job of your career: robbing the Crystal Palace, an orbital casino that caters to the ultra of the ultra-wealthy. The game of course ends on you floating through space towards it, no idea how that's going to play into the DLC. I guess you're just assumed to have pulled it off before you do whatever content they're going to give us next.

In a lot of ways it's a great note to end on. You got everything you wanted, you got more, in fact. Unfortunately you can't escape your early death, but at least you have more of an idea of when it's coming. An even bigger job than the one you just did, one that's already of historic proportions.

It's very hard to read in this low-res pamphlet, but again, it bears mentioning.

RESTAURANS.

A typo. In your face. At the apex of your story, after getting the secret ending to a difficult game, one already plagued with numerous issues.

[questioned-quetzalcoatl]

Call me Satan, darling. Part 6

Rating: T

Parings: New Zealand/Tonga (Hetalia)

Characters: New Zealand, Tonga, Philippines, Finland, Denmark, others mentioned

Variation: Demon/Human AU

Summary: When Kainga, an exchange student from Tonga, travels to New Zealand for his studies, he expects all to go well. It does. All except getting hit by a car by Satan himself, who also happens to be his seductive roommate. Kainga finds himself slowly falling for the devil after his declaration of love. Because nothing truly says ‘I love you’ more than being run off the road by a rusty old Ute. Also available on AO3 and WATTPAD!

Contents: [Chapter 1]

[Chapter 2]

[Chapter 3]

[Chapter 4]

[Chapter 5]

[Chapter 6]

[Chapter 7]

[Chapter 8]

[Chapter 9]

[[Slight NSFW warning for this chapter at the end! It's fairly quick and adds literally nothing so feel free to skip.]]

AN: Hello friends! We're more than half-way through this fic! (Give or take a few chapters I'm sure sure how much I want to write ;v;) This is my biggest fic yet so thank you to all you wonderful readers enjoying my work. I plan to have another fic and make this a series but I'll see how much willpower and time I have to do that. But I have some ideas I'd really like to expand on and maybe a bit of lore for this au!!! I'll leave it open, my sleep schedule is practically non-existent anyways. qwq

This is where the story starts to get on track a little. Apologies if it's been a little slow running up until now. Thank you for having patience with me!! uvu;

Some extra characters in this chapter! Here are their names incase anyone gets confused!

Densen - Denmark Piri - Philippines Tino - Finland And of course James - New Zealand Kainga - Tonga

---

Months had passed and it had been an unnerving amount of time since Kainga had last seen the King of Hell. He was out of his crutches; now walking freely with a thin cast around his right foot and lower leg just for safety reasons, however it felt more like a thick sock than anything.

These months had been very peaceful, spending most of his time at the University library. The cross sat heavily on his chest like a holy restraining order as he wandered through rows of book shelves, Kainga lightly running his fingers across the covered spines. Volumes crammed the shelves, all sizes and colors. The oldest ones sat on the highest shelf, out of reach of the younger student’s sticky hands. Scripted gold lettering, faint as breath, could still be seen along the spines. One can drown in the ocean of tranquility; the whole aura of space is as peaceful as nature. Long stretching room full of piles of information captured in the pages is truly mesmerizing. Kainga loved to read, a great library like this was his paradise. Trailing his fingertips along to try and find the book he was looking for, amazingly keeping his balance while holding another heavy stack of books in his other hand as well as his laptop. Reading glasses placed comfortably on the bridge of his nose, scanning for the book he needed.

He didn't know how long he was looking in the maze of the Literature section but he was far from the main corridors where the light hit the books at the front. It was as if the back rows laid untouched like a still creature, encouraging those brave enough to find the knowledge it held in the dim light of its lair. Nothing can ever replace the authenticity and reliability one gets from a library, Kainga enjoyed nothing more.

A thought lingered in the back of his mind however as he took another book from the shelf, a lot like a broken track record. With every turn around a bend he half expected James's stupid face and badly worn suit to appear. To start constantly bothering him and calling him stupid pet names as if they were just your average couple. Kainga noticed that James hadn't made an appearance since he started wearing the cross around his neck. He wasn't sure if that was the case, but the thing unbelievably heavy. Or perhaps that was just the guilt he had which was weighing him down. The fact he even felt guilty was enough to make himself angry. Why on earth did he feel guilty? He murmured to himself under the hiss of a breath as he caught sight of a book by James Johonnot. It seemed that wretched devil was everywhere now, tormenting him subtly to his breaking point.

"God why does it have to be him? I swear everywhere I look it's just James! Bloody James. James. Jame-"

There's a loud bang like a gunshot next to where he was stood. A loud slur of profanity swallowed up by the dreaded and familiar red tinted smoke and the solid sound of a body dropping to the floor, followed by a loud groan of pain.

Kainga didn't exactly scream but he's not exactly quiet either. It's more of a distressed strain of a yelp as he dropped the pile of books and his laptop out of fright. Papers flying in various directions. Typical. The library floor goes even more quiet for a second with other students wondering what on earth made that noise. Kainga is quick to quiet himself by holding his palm against his mouth to stop the burning embarrassment of the grueling stares through the book shelves, ones he could not see but knew were there. There's silence before a soft ray of whispers under their breaths that turns back to average study chatter. Kainga let out a breathless heave and looked down at James who had now sat up and was rubbing his head.

"James?! Where the hell did you come from?!" He snapped angrily at him, going to pick up his books. James shot him a just as confused look and handed him a book.

"What do you mean by that?! You're the one who summoned me! Maybe a simple 'Hello' or I don't know even a 'How are you today James?' would be nice after you just dragged me from where I was comfortably sat!" He snapped back at him, standing up and brushing some kind of crumbs off of his suit. Kainga stared up at him, taking the book from his devilish grip.

"Summon you? I didn't summon you! At least I didn't mean to!"

James sighed.

"Do you not know how to summon a demon?! Have you seen any of the movies?! You say the name three times!" he expressed in disbelief.

"Yeah I have! It's Hollywood bullshit, I didn't know it actually worked! Besides it's not like I wanted you to come here anyways you're like a bull in a china store!"

"So you've been avoiding me?"

"Well...yes? But no...I...It's complicated...wait I never said that?"

"Well that indicates it..." James pointed rather accusingly at the crucifix draped over his shoulders. That just made Kainga feel worse, due to his tone he was clearly upset about it. He swallowed thickly as the cross got heavier. James continued on. "I just wanted to come and see you, you've been really hard to find. After all you chose to hide yourself in the biggest and most comprehensive University in the country."

"I haven't been hiding from you James. I've just been trying to focus on the reason I'm actually here. This is my only chance of a good education!" he stacked the pile of books back into his arm. There was one left, a large leather cover laying face down on the carpet. James looked at it and bent down to pick it up for him.

"Well we can arrange times! I know you're probably mad at me for the other date but I was hoping we coul- OW SHIT!!!"

James was instantly cut off as soon as his fingers came into contact with the book, picking it up before dropping it like a hot ember. A loud sizzling noise like he was physically burnt by it. Kainga looked at him in shock, smelling the awful odor of burnt flesh. James stood hunched, cradling his burnt fingers.

"J-James?! What happened are you alrigh-" he cut himself off and stared down at the book. James had managed to flip it back over when he dropped it. The gold text on the front read out what Kainga had feared the most.

The Holy Bible.

Both Kainga and James stared down at it. Kainga bit his lip. Shit. Shit. SHIT! He forgot he had picked that up. It was really a bad look for him. He stood with his heart pounding as he scrambled to pick it up. Half of the back cover had been burnt off and some of the back pages were hanging on by the thread of the inner spine. What was a few seconds seemed like forever as they both stood in a deep silence. Kainga finally mustered up courage to explain himself, he could clearly tell James was beyond angry at him.

"James..."

"Y'know what. I'll just go."

"What?! No it's not like that! I promise! James I'm studying Literatur-."

"Kainga. I said I'm going. You clearly don't fucking want me here so what's the bloody point? First the cross now this?!" he pointed accusingly at him, snarling almost. Kainga flinched, smacking his pointing hand away.

"For godsakes just let me explain myself! You're so fucking selfish you know! If you wanna go then leave, fuck off! I don't care!"

James's face contorted into a more saddened expression. Oh god here comes that fucking guilt again.

"You don't...?"

Kainga went quiet for a while. Nervously shuffling around with his blood running colder every second he was in his presence. Second guessing himself as he always seemed to do when James had something to do with it. James's raging flame of anger had seemed to be extinguished when the Tongan didn't answer him. Kainga could practically hear the sizzle, see the smoke arise, see the darkness flee from his eyes. He frowned.

"I do. James. But you can't keep going on like this."

"Like what?"

"Appearing out of nowhere at the worst times. Maybe I don't want to stop seeing you but maybe there's times I need for myself."

"Are you mad at me about the date?"

"The date has nothing to do with this. I actually had a rather decent time. I realized I forgot to thank you...so...thank you, James."

James chuffed and shrugged a little, placing his hands in either pocket. He couldn't help but grin moronically, blushing like he was rather proud of himself.

"It's...really no problem. I also had a good time..." James hesitated, glancing surreptitiously down at Kainga, a sly sheepishness coating over his face. "Would you like to go on another one maybeee...?"

His answer was clear no matter how hard you looked, he was basically as readable as the books he held. The devils hopeful grin coaxed with the fact it was a tender moment between the two. Not one that involved any kind of Ute or stink of fish but one Kainga found himself not wanting to ring the New Zealander's neck for once.

"Maybe I will, James. But not now, I have exams. Give me a week or two. We can arrange something then."

James smiled brightly at him, like his face illuminated with delightfulness despite how idiotic he may have looked. Kainga could've kissed him, frankly a part of him wanted to. Half out of curiosity but his hands were full. So he bid James goodbye and took off to the main study hall in the library. He looked back just once and James was gone. Like he had retreated into the subdued shadows of the back rows of shelves like a ghost.

---

Back studying at his desk had become the norm for Kainga. Despite most of the students walking around, it was surprisingly quiet. A very peaceful aroma where Kainga had surrounded himself with his small group of friends he'd met on campus. One in particular he'd become very close friends with was a Filipino student, Piri. Sure he liked the other people in their small group but Piri was the one he trusted the most. Somehow he couldn't bring himself to spill his whole Satan situation to him, having to make up a excuse for his random disappearance. After a small while of studying, Piri spoke up, taking off his headphones and resting them beside him.

"These exams are really making me tired Kai...I've got yet another one to sit through tomorrow."

Kainga looked over at him.

"Really? Didn't you just sit one?"

"Yeah, last week. No rest for us Physiology students, it's hard to keep on top of everything." Piri bit his lip, looking back down at his work. "Oh. That's what I wanted to ask you. Densen is busy with his exams right now, could I borrow your library card? I left mine back at the flat." He asked, starting to pack his laptop back into his bag as well as his other supplies. Kainga smiled.

"Of course. I hardly ever use it anyways." he fumbled around with his lanyard for a bit, unhooking it and handing the Filipino the library card. "How is Densen by the way? It's been a while since I've seen him."

Piri took the card and thanked him. "Densen? Oh yeah he's been very busy. Hey I'll see if he's free this afternoon, Tino as well. We can go down to the University café down near campus. That is if you're not busy..."

Kainga pondered the idea for a bit. Maybe a moment with just his friends would take his mind off a few things. Specifically off James. Especially off James. He looked around the library, as if someone was watching him make this decision. James wasn't still watching him was he?

Piri looked at him oddly.

"Kai? Is everything alright?"

Kainga snapped back to him like he was awoken from a daydream.

"Oh! Right sorry...yeah I'll be there! What time should I be there?"

Piri thought for a while.

"Meet us down there at two. I'll ask everyone now in advance."

Kainga stood up to follow Piri to the printer to help him with his printing and to get his card back when he was finished. He had some assignments to print off too. He doesn't notice he's left his things in the library, he also doesn't notice James watching his spot from afar.

James wasn't peculiarly fond of his friends. Not like he'd met them personally, but he didn't like the fact they were around HIS queen. He didn't like Piri being around Kainga, or the fact Densen made the Tongan blush on occasion. Which made his possessive blood boil whenever he saw it. That was HIS job, not some mortals. He snarled a little even at the very thought of it. James slumped over to his work space, half hidden under his desk. He started to rummage through his work. What on earth was more important than him? Some papers? He scoffed at a few hand-written essays.

James was flicking through his files. Hardly anything of interest to him.

It was all going well.

That's when he smelt the burning.

He sniffed, catching the scent of the small fire that has started at the spade of his tail. Like flint to steel his tail must've caught on the wooden surface of one of the desk legs, causing it to catch alight. Shit. Shit. Shit!

James sprang up from the desk, grabbing Kainga's stuff in a messy pile in his arms. The smoke started to rise and the smell got more pungent. James began to panic, holding up the Tongan's things as he desperately attempted to put out the growing flames, only succeeding in making it spread across the carpet. He'd garnered the attention of other students. A panic spread faster than the fire.

First a scream. Then more screams.

Then the fire alarm. The loud ringing that echoed across the building, deafening anyone who'd come to enjoy their peace in the library.

Then rain.

Most of the students had evacuated the building by now. Only James remained. Still holding Kainga's stuff. Face to face with a drenched and murderous Kainga, standing in front of him as he scowled at the Devil twice his size. James felt himself shrink a little. The fire alarm continued to blare across the campus grounds, the fire itself had been put out.

James very sheepishly looks away from him as Kainga's stare bares into his skin like a laser of disappointment and anger, almost in disbelief. His stare was the personification of nails on a chalkboard, or a fork being scrapped onto a plate. He's rather surprised he can even feel how angry he was, considering half of Kainga's face was covered by his dark curly and now very wet hair. He pushed some back out of his eyes, making a wet squelching noise as he wiped the rest of the water off his face.

"I uhh...got your stuff...Managed to save your laptop and most of the books. Erm... Some of yer papers set on fire but I got what I could." James murmured quietly handing him the pile of his things wrapped in his black coat. "It should be somewhat dry too."

The rain and alarm finally stopped as they were both left extremely damp. Kainga's whole body dripping with it.

"You set the library on fire." Kainga hissed angrily.

"Almost. Set it on fire." he corrected him. "And I DID save your stuff."

Kainga grumbled, snatching his things off of James. His glare didn't lessen as he shoved the things in his bag, handing him back his coat.

"Thanks."

James whimpered a little, knowing too well he was very much in the wrong. Kainga could kiss him, despite how angry he was at him, he did save his stuff. The fact James's hurt expression showed the Devil knew he was wrong, it almost made him seem human. Kainga started to give more human qualities to him, he did look the part at least. Perhaps it was an accident, maybe he'd never know. But in that moment to grabbed James's tie and wrapped it around his wrist. Yanking James down towards him, this accompanied with the fact Kainga still had to stand on his tippy toes to even get anywhere near his stupid face, that was caught completely off guard.

What Kainga intended to be a peck ended up going south as their lips met somewhere in the middle. James's eyes widened in shock, wasting no time in wrapping his arms around his waist. He didn't mind the neck crane to reach him. Kainga instantly starting to regret his decision when James pulled him in just a little bit closer to his body. He aborted mission, quickly pulling away while heavily flushed. His hand resting on James's chest. God he was an idiot. Regardless, he'd just kissed the Devil. Surprisingly, it wasn't even bad. Once Kainga pulled away he gasped for air like he was having a heart attack, James of course wouldn't know any different as there was hardly any space between them. Must've been the burning sensation his rough lips gave him. He softly stopped panting and looked back up at him. It was clear James was forgiven by the downright goofy grin James possessed on his face; Kainga only catching a glimpse of it when he pulled away.

"I'm sorry about that..." James finally apologized, lifting the weight from his voice.

Kainga sighed, throwing his bag back over his shoulder, his gaze had softened as he looked back at James.

"Thank you for apologizing, James. I'll...see you soon."

James was far too giddy about the fact they just kissed. As well as the fact he didn't initiate it. Kainga smiled gently, giving his cheek another kiss as he walked by him, somewhat reluctantly but it felt nice.

"See you soon~" James swooned after him.

Kainga laughed.

---

There was a shuffle of the burnt paper as Kainga sprawled the parchments out on the table. All their edges and sides lightly burnt as the bits of paper crumbled off the cinder. He nervously wiped some of the embers off of the café table. Densen gave him a strange look from the other side as he sipped his coffee.

"So your work just...caught on fire? Just like that?"

Kainga looked at him almost suspiciously, sighing before shuffling the paper back into a neat pile by thumping them onto the table.

"Well yes, I suppose so. I think I sat next to a electrical outlet. Must've just short circuited or something."

Kainga was basically forced to come up with a lie to draw his friends away from the fact his Satanic, somewhat boyfriend had just set his work on fire. He clenched his teeth, nervously squirming in his seat. He prayed to whatever God there was that Densen wasn't fully aware of how electrical fires are caused. For now he just gave him a very incredulous look as he audibly swallowed. Luckily his story flew right over the Dane's head. Kainga sighed, his breath thickly lined with fear as he picked up the cup of tea he'd ordered. Unbeknownst to him, Densen was the least of his worries. He could only imagine the look on their faces when he told them he was dating the guy who put him in crutches the first time they met.

Unfortunately, Kainga was not very good at hiding secrets from people. Everything around him crashed when Piri came up to their table, ushering the words:

"Was that your boyfriend?"

Kainga instantly spat out his tea all over Densen. Choking on the hot liquid as he erupts in fits of coughs and splutters, trying to save what little of his tea he managed to keep in his cup. Densen sighed and started to wipe the tea off his face with a nearby napkin. Kainga gulped.

"Sorry..."

Densen merely huffed, cleaning himself completely and throwing the tea soaked napkin to the side. Piri with his other friend, Tino, behind him, excitedly sat down next to Kainga. Half pushing the poor Tongan against the wall as he slid up next to him. Piri's face glimmered with excitement at him, saying no words yet Kainga dreaded what he'd just seen. He knew what he'd seen and that made him want to curl up and die right there. Densen looked at them all oddly.

"Who's boyfriend?" The Dane questioned the trio all at once.

Tino chirped in, his mouth full of a chocolate roll. "Kainga's boyfriend! Piri saw him kissing someone in the library! After the fire alarm went off."

Densen's mouth gaped as he stared at Kainga. "HE WHAT?!"

Kainga attempted to hide his face by holding his forehead. He supposed it wouldn't be long until his group caught onto him. He'd gathered all of their stares over the table as he quietly sipped on the rest of his tea, stalling on what to say.

"You didn't answer my question. Are you dating someone and keeping it from the group?" Piri asked him, getting impossibly close to his personal bubble. In fact, it was non existent at this point. It'd popped as soon as the Filipino opened his mouth.

Kainga wouldn't lie to himself, as much as he wanted to throw the rest of his hot tea into Piri's face in order to stop him from the influx of invasive questions he knew he was about to throw onto him. He knew he wasn't going to stop hounding him for details about his mysterious lover.

"Well...yes. Sort of. It's complicated. Very complicated."

"Oh?" Piri's eyes were so wide, Kainga could barely see past them. The stares of his friends made Kainga shrink a little into his merino sweater. He swallowed and continued.

"You know...the first time we all met I was in crutches? I told you all I'd been hit by a car. Do you remember that?"

"Yeah I do. What about it?"

"Well." Kainga paused, almost for dramatic effect. It was mainly to calm his nerves, keeping his friends on edge. "I'm kind of dating, well not really dating. More like seeing. I'm seeing the guy that....ran me over."

Suddenly silence.

Kainga could practically hear all of their reactions echoing off of their faces. His eyes scrunched up tightly before they opened slightly to see three overly astonished faces glaring at him. The sounds of the café around them being the only sound to be heard as Kainga felt the overbearing sense of dread that washed over him once more.

Piri was the most awestruck one.

"You're...dating the guy that almost killed you?!"

"Yeah and get this. The nutjob thinks he's Satan."

Kainga was really treading on eggshells. Careful with his predetermined wording to not spill that James was ACTUALLY Satan. Piri sits back, his jaw basically on the floor at this point. Like his soul had left his body.

Tino took it as an opportunity to speak up.

"You have very questionable taste in your men..."

"Tino, not now." Densen mumbles hotly to the Finnish boy next to Piri. Kainga wasn't going to keep this secret intact, looking at them all as he finished his tea. Densen's coffee had gone cold beside him. All of their concerned and shocked expressions made Kainga groan, perhaps it was worse than he imagined. It also made him double take his entire relationship with James at this point. Was he really insane for going through with this? Again with the second guessing.

Kainga barely escaped that conversation. He found himself repeating himself with all the questions Piri, Densen and Tino shot at him like a gun. They just kept coming. Barely giving them half the story, they were mainly beyond themselves with him. It was mainly Piri to hound him with questions until he was on the floor crying. What made it worse was he walked home with him as they lived in the same apartment building on campus. They usually walked home together, watching the viridescent trees that lined the Campus streets shrivel up and crisp into their autumn bloom.

Misty dew covers the entire surface of the field as they pass, Auckland almost transformed from it's burning Summers to it's cooler Autumns. Autumn slowly weaves its way in and leaves a stain of brilliant color in its wake. Kainga and Piri stepped on the ground that was covered with a blanket of colorful leaves that had fallen from the trees like snow, leaving some branches almost bare. Various other trees possessing vibrant sunset like colored leaves that dangled from their branches like giant hanging bats. The dead leaves crunching below them and the significantly cooler air around them really made it feel like Autumn. On this autumn day the foliage above could be his infinite dreams of scarlet and gold, playful in the soft light, colors ignited for all who care to see. They are the candles of the daylight, these trees that bring their art to their world, their branches taking root in the sky.

Kainga adjusted his scarf as Piri was rambling on about something. Frankly the Tongan had stopped listening a while ago.

"Kai?! Hey are you even listening to me?!"

"What? Oh yeah I am. Sorry just lost in thought."

"You're thinking about that Satan guy aren't you?"

Kainga shot him a dismayed look from the judgmental side-eye he gave him. Giving his now red hued nose a rub before nestling it into his scarf.

"No. In fact he's the last thing I want to think about. He infuriates me."

"If he infuriates you why do you date him?"

"Piri I ask myself that everyday..." he laughed lightly. "I'm not here to fuck spiders, or devils for that matter. I just want to get my education, then go home."

Piri frowned a little. "So you're not staying here?"

Kainga shook his head.

"I don't need to. Once I graduate this will be all over and I can go back home. That's my plan and I'm gonna stick to it."

"What about your whole dating Satan situation? Are you going to break it off with him?"

Kainga goes quiet for a while after reaching the front door of his apartment building. He could feel the warmth of the indoor heater from inside as he shuffled around in his coat pocket for his keys.

"He's not actually Satan. The dumbass just claims to be him..." He announced through rather gritted teeth. "...and frankly I'm still thinking about it. He's insane yes, but give him time and he's a genuinely nice guy. Or somewhat at least. I'll just see where it goes and pray I don't become some human sacrifice." he snorted a little and pulled out his keys at last. "You coming inside?"

Piri shrugged.

"Nah sorry. I've got another lecture. I'm taking a photography course, on top of all my Physiology. Told you I can hardly catch a break!" Piri smiled sweetly at him before pausing, his smile drooping a little at the corners of his mouth. "Just be careful would you?"

Kainga looked at him oddly. Why would he say that? Surely James wouldn't hurt him. Or at least hurt him that much...

"What do you mean by that?"

"That guy you're dating. He seems...odd...just be careful around him. I'm only looking out for you." Piri said, his demeanor coming off as very serious now. Kainga shifted nervously.

"Y-yeah...I will. Don't worry about me." he expressed in an attempt to draw away his friends concern. They said their goodbyes and Piri was off back down the road into campus. Kainga was left to stand there for a while. His faint breath drifted out from the wooly fabric of his scarf. As he headed inside, his mind started to spin. He even got a little dizzy as he reached the stairs up to his apartment. It was a voice. James's voice. Hushed yet cold. Hungrily husk in the way it drawls in his mind like a broken record. The crucifix getting so heavy it felt like he was carrying a boulder around his neck. Like his body would just collapse and fall straight through the stairs into the fiery pits of Hell awaiting him. He staggered, feeling like his throat was about to rip out of his neck as if some dark creature of Hell was shredding him to pieces. Gnarling, thrashing blades that looked like the creatures teeth until he saw red. Like something was tearing away at his very existence. His humanity.

A panic attack.

The same few words James ushered to him on loop. Almost demanding.

"You trust me...don't you?"

---

James, surprisingly enough, does leave Kainga alone for another long period of time. For about a week or so. After Kaingas panic attack on the stairs, his mind would replay that same scene. A reoccurring dream he'd been having, the one he was currently having now. That same creature. It wasn't human. In fact far from it. It was a horrible looking beast. The exoskeleton of a large hound with dark red flesh wrapped around it's bones as if it'd grown on top of a corpse-like fungi. The creature had no eyes, just oozing muscles that'd contorted around its face and long grueling snout. Large carnivorous teeth that protruded from its mouth like large stalagmites in a cave, they lined the entire jaw of the creature, so much so that it was constantly salivating and looked as if it wasn't able to even close it's mouth.

It was the thing of nightmares. No matter how far or fast Kainga ran, he was running into nothing. No light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing. Surrounding darkness with a vague splash of thinly lined water below him. The hellish flesh creature chasing behind him, getting closer and closer. Attempting to swipe at him with the one obtruded claw that stuck out as longer than the rest. It'd always go for his heel, slicing at it until Kainga could run no more, his heel bleeding out as he was rendered unable to run away from it.

He'd scramble away. He'd scream until he choked as the creature devoured him. Slashing and gnawing at him with a horrendous low growl and snarl. His breath stolen away from the screaming and crying from the insufferable pain as the creature engulfed his flesh that was torn from his body like a piece of cooked meat. That awful feeling like he was falling yet his body remained in the same place.

Then a faint image, blurred almost beyond recognition to the naked eye, the eye that didn't know what the devil himself looked like. But he sure did. James reaching out to him. To help him? To grab him? Kainga still wasn't sure himself, he just knew it was James standing above him. He went to reach for him like he was his safety. Oh what a foolish mistake of a desperate man. Kainga's fingers barely scrapping the ashes atop of James's burning fingertips...

So close...

Everything went black.

A voice. James's voice. Called out and echoed in Kainga's blindness and pain...

"You trust me...don't you?"

Kainga woke as he did normally. Panting and damp with sweat, he'd awake screaming in pain, only to find the pain wasn't even there. It was as if the pain retreated from his body as soon as he awoke. It'd felt so real. Kainga wasn't even convinced it was a dream at this point. Some kind of sick hallucination or sleep paralysis caused by stress or James. No. James WAS his stress. He sat up right in his bed, sweating and heaving like he'd just run a marathon. His baggy shirt that he slept in was now drenched and saturated with his sweat that seeped through the fabric.

He grumbled under his breath, starting to wipe the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve. He was dazed. What time was it? The sunlight of the morning gently caressed the edges of his curtains, giving his room a light amber hue. This morning he didn't smell the usual crispness of the morning, instead he smelt something cooking. Odd. Someone was cooking food. He hears a whistle of a song, one he can't quite make out, it was strangely familiar. He sleepily stumbled out of his room, resting against the doorframe to see who had stolen the use of his own kitchen from him. He pauses. His heart dropping a little.

"James?"

James turns around from the stove and smiles, holding up a spatula. Kainga is beyond confused now. "It's a...reasonable time. What are you doing here?"

"Making ya breakfast!" he chirped happily as Kainga walked over to him curiously. He had to hold back gagging at what he saw in the stove pan below him, the one James was holding and cooking was he assumed to be his meal on. Unless by some god-sent miracle his food was in another pan. The Tongan was probably dead to God by now.

"That's not breakfast, that's salmonella." Kainga mumbled and gestured at burnt scrambled eggs and what looked like a charred hash brown, scorched beyond revival. No wonder it smelt so burnt. He looked over at the table top, two cups of tea lay waiting. Kainga had never felt so domestic, relationship wise. If it wasn't for the food poisoning James was cooking up, it was very nice to say the least.

James nudged him playfully and watched him walk over to the table. "Whatever. Food is food. It's better than that long looking stuff you constantly eat."

"You mean my instant ramen? I'm a student. It gets me through. Plus it's cheap and I still don't have a job." Kainga smiled gently at him before sitting down at the table with a blanket he'd stolen from the apartment reception. He curled himself up and nursed the cup in his hands. It wasn't even cold, just warm enough to be drinkable. How long had James been here? He was very tempted to question him about the dreams he'd been having. But Satan would most likely just boast in his face about how Kainga was dreaming about him and ramble about how they were 'meant to be' again. He brought the tea up to his lips, the warm liquid bringing him back to life.

James interrupts his tranquility once again with a plate placed in front of Kainga. A breakfast of scrambled eggs that looked like a mush of wet cardboard atop a piece of toast that looked like a shaped out lump of charcoal. The only thing that wasn't burnt was the bacon, which would've been the only thing safe to eat even if it was burnt. The whole plate of food seemed to be radiating like it was a romantic breakfast in Chernobyl. Kainga audibly gulped.

"You...made all this yourself huh?" He weakly picked at the bacon that was in the shape of a love heart on the side of his plate. How, dare he say cute.

James perked up and looked at him with a mouthful of his own scrambled cardboard mush. His eyes bright like a child on Christmas morning.

"Yeah I did...~ how could you tell?"

"L-lucky guess..." He gave the biblical creature sat opposite him a rather gauche smile. He just sits and drinks his tea before even thinking about starting on his poison infected breakfast. Despite his lack of skills in gastronomy or basic cooking for that matter, it seemed James meant well. The way he dinkily smiled like a moron without a care in the world, Kainga couldn't help but wonder what was even going on inside his head. If there was anything going on inside his head. This was ridiculous; he wasn’t falling for Satan, was he? The guy was as far from prince charming as one could get and yet he was nowhere near as idiotic as he had been.

James finished up his plate of food before pushing it to the side, bringing his chair closer to the table as if he was about to interrogate him. Kainga managed to barely swallow down the mush of eggs, looking up at him with a lump welling up in his throat. Oh thank God, a reason to stop eating. He put his utensils down to listen to what the King of Hell had to say for himself.

"So, will you be busy today?”

“I handed that paper in last week and I have no current assignments, why do you ask?”

“We’re going on another date.”

“Another thing at a reasonable time, wow James I’m impressed.” He drawls, laughing a little at how proud James looks because he thinks he’s impressed him. Satan wasn’t supposed to be this endearing; Satan was supposed to be a dickhead. Then again, he supposes James more or less was one to begin with. It seemed with every word that James spoke he was becoming less demon. His human side was showing like he was gaining back a humanity that was lost long ago.

"Well, I've got some kingly duties back in Hell to attend to, but I can pick you up later in the afternoon." he chuffs proudly at referring to himself as 'Kingly'. "What time suits you best?"

Kainga hesitantly pushed his plate to the side. "A time? You're asking ME what time I want?" he asked, bewildered.

James just nodded quickly, smiling at him. Kainga was beyond suspicious yet somewhat amazed at him not being a arrogant fucking prick for once. He didn't keep his hopes high however.

"Umm...well it depends where you're taking me..."

"Oh. Well it's a surprise...~" James winks at him and leans back in his chair, holding his mug of tea in his hands and heating it up with his self-heating palms.

"Well. I need to get some shopping in first. Maybe about 1 or 2 I suppose? It shouldn't take that long. Plus I need to get ready."

"Ahh make yerself look pretty for me huh?~"

There it was. Back to the usual James. Kainga's stare hardened, yet he blushed at his sentiment, rather heavily. He frowns in bemusement and looks away from him.

"No. It's so I don't go out in public looking like I just got dragged through a dumpster."

"Oh please, you don't look like a dumpster. You didn't last time!"

"If that's a complement from you then I'm flattered." He murmured sarcastically. Grinning at James's expression dimming from prideful to confused. He finished his tea, placing the cup beside him.

James took that as an opportunity to switch the conversation back to the date.

"So, I'll come and pick you up at 1? I'll knock this time."

Kainga hummed and squinted at him. Why was be being awfully nice to him? Perhaps he had other intentions, or had changed his original ploy. Either way he was doubtful. He hated to admit it, but he liked this James. His cooking was unsatisfactory but he kept telling himself that James meant well above all. He smiled tenderly.

"Yeah. That sounds good. Thank you James."

James winks at him, taking their plates as he brushes past Kainga and with that he disappears. Kainga was left feeing oddly flattered, Lord only knows why he felt like that. He felt tingly and warm, the pits of his stomach churning in a flustered manner. Like he'd ate something bad but it felt amazing. He grimaced. It was probably that food that James had served up to him. He didn't feel sick however, it was a strange feeling. Like James had endeared him. Like he was starting to like him. Kainga instantly shook the thought away as he stood up sharply. What was this. Maybe it'll pass. He hoped it would pass. As the kettle boiled on the countertop, as Kainga poured the hot water into his mug and watched it brew with the teabag. The feeling didn't pass. He bit his lip as he kept pouring the boiled water, making it overflow while Kainga stood there, not noticing. His consciousness completely out of it.

Shit...

He was in love with the Devil.

---

Funny how much time can pass when you genuinely are looking forward to something. With his errands completed, Kainga stumbled through the door holding three large paper bags full of groceries. He heaved himself and the abnormally heavy bags into his apartment, dropping a can of baked beans beside him. He audibly groaned as he hefted the bags onto the table, practically gasping for air. Maybe he should buy a car. Who was he kidding he didn't even have his drivers license and frankly after his experiences, he'd rather stay far away from them all together. Maybe a bus card would be better. After a breather he started to unpack the shopping, his coat hung on the back of his chair.

Once he finished unpacking it was nearing 1'o clock already so he went to start getting ready. Although he didn't like to admit it, he was rather excited about where James would take him. Sure he took him to a greasy Fish and Chip shack in Wellington before but surely James would have some new found knowledge of reasonable places to take someone on a nice date. Maybe a romantic breakfast in Paris or running across rooftops as the night set in, the Eiffel Tower illuminating the city. Or something more thrilling, gambling in Las Vegas, even a skyline dinner overlooking New York or somewhere mountainous and beautiful like Queenstown. The possibilities were limitless, he'd be lying to himself if he said this wasn't the most excited he had been for something in a while.

He quickly got ready, throwing on a white long sleeved shirt with a button-down collar to fit in a striped dark blue tie that was fastened tightly against his neck. Autumn or Spring are unpredictable so he put on a basic V-neck blue sweater overtop, bringing his collar out so the top of the tie knot was still visible. Finally navy trousers and polished leather black shoes and socks. He liked to dress smart, yet he still looked causal as he didn't know where he was going to end up. Standing in front of the mirror he puffed out his chest with pride, his blood running with excitement as the clock hits 1.

James arrives at 1'o clock like he stated, his presence announced with a knock on the door in a sweet rhythmic tone. Kainga had just finished giving his hair one last curl before he stands up to open the door for him. If he’s honest with himself, he’s flattered that the other was doing as he’d requested, something as simple as just being on time. He opens the door to find James standing there in his same causal suit he'd worn last time, however the bright red tie was missing as he was just wearing a black cuffed long sleeved Plaid shirt with a belt and pants. In his grasp was a bouquet of Heilala flowers. Vermilion cherry red flowers that sprouted magnificent Hibiscus flowers in full bloom, displaying a shade of vivid cerise of pinks to reds. Tonga's national flower.

James's smile was so cheesy it could make you lactose intolerant.

Kainga was amazed. Quite like nothing he'd experienced or expected. He stood in the doorway with his mouth agape at the sight of him. Had he really gone out of his way to buy him these particular flowers? James quite audibly cleared his throat.

"G'day smuckaroo~"

Kainga raised a brow at him.

"Smuckaroo?"

"In me defense you gave me, what, a few hours to come up with a new nickname." James jokingly complained. Kainga laughed.

"To be fair, I don't mind it. Also you didn't say much about today so I didn't know what to- WEAR-!"

Kainga was interrupted by James shoving the flowers into his chest, some of the buds hitting his face making him jump a little. His sentence was muffled after getting a face full of flowers.

"T-these are for you!!! I wasn't sure what flowers you liked so I got you these because they're Heilala and they're your countries national flowers and whatnot!" He spoke quickly as if he was embarrassed by his sweet gesture. Like the Devil giving out flowers made him seem weak or soft but he knew that he'd only do this for one person and one person only.

Kainga's cheeks burned up vividly as he took them from James's large hands, admiring them. His hands wrapped around the base of the bouquet, tied up neatly with a silk red ribbon.

"O-oh? You got me flowers? Ah...wow James. They're very beautiful. Remind me of home..." he held them close to his chest until his face was as red as the petals. How sweet of James. He smiled fondly. "I'll go put them in some water and be right out okay?" He uttered before walking back inside and placing the flowers in a large vase on his table. Leaving James out in the apartment corridor to feel even more proud of himself, sub-consciously feeding his probably massive ego. He did a excited little air fist bump to congratulate himself as he waited.

Kainga came back out to the dingy corridor a little while later, locking up his flat door before turning back to James.

"Right. Thank you for waiting." Kainga pockets his key heavy keychain, eyeing further down James's suit. That's when he realizes the gumboots he's wearing. Right. New Zealander. He wasn't even surprised at this point. A fancy clean suit topped off with a pair of muddied gumboots. Maybe the Devil doesn't wear Prada, no. The Devil wears gumboots. Kainga doesn't mention it, he simply retorted his gaze back at James's punchable stupid face and gave him a rather pointed look. "So...where exactly ARE we heading today?"

James grinned. "I told you, it's a surprise! I'm sure you'll like it though!~" He held out his hand for Kainga to hold on to, which he does. Kainga takes his hand. He knew the drill. Teleportation with a danger of being ripped in half. How romantic. James takes it a step further however, wrapping his arm around Kainga's waist. Before he even had time to react James snapped his fingers. That pull at the pit of his stomach like his intestines were being unraveled out of his body washes over him, James falling through fast winds like the world was turning upside-down. His breath taken from him by the high velocity winds, allowing him no room to scream. He accepts his fate and clings onto James for dear life until they finally drop to the floor.

There's was a ringing in his ear, a loud one. He became dizzy but not as much as before, his whole body felt translucent as the cold winds died around them. Kainga still clung onto James as he came back to his senses. His hearing came first as his ears popped. There are noises. People in a fairly populated area, what sounded like some children with their families. The ringing of a cellphone. It was definitely an outdoor environment. Kainga looked up, finally realizing where they were once his eyes caught sight of their surroundings.

"A-a...zoo?"

"Yeah! Auckland zoo darlin'!!! You're studying Zoology as well as Literature ain't ya? And yer file says you like animals so I brought you to the best zoo in the country!"

Kainga gently let go of James and rubbed his eyes. Examining the sight of the less populated zoo before giving James a thrilled look.

"James I...wow. Oh shit this is amazing...really!" The Tongan's whole aura seems to brighten as he got happier. Kainga quickly grabbed James's hand, wasting no time at all he hurriedly dragged James to see the animals. James tripped and laughed it off as he followed this new side of Kainga.

They paced along the well packed paths and jarred fences around the zoo. Dense jungle leaves against the bamboo thickets blurred in their line of sight as Kainga hurried to see everything yet keeping his well structured plan that he bored James with along the way. Every pathway curving along the enclosures of incredible and exotic beasts, the zoo sectioned off into certain areas based on country or continent. The exotic breeds from all over the world left him breathless, watching the different colors of each species and how they fly across the perfect replica of their natural habitat was an enthralling experience. All the animals make him feel like they have entered the incredible depths of Amazon jungle. The atmosphere and the cage designs seemed as real as nature itself.

Kainga stops by the South American exhibit to admire the vibrant and vivid colors of the parrots. What surprised him the most was that it was an open enclosure, meaning the parrots could fly around an open space where tourists walked through as they pleased. An eye-catching Blue and Gold Macaw perched on a high branch just above Kainga. James smiled as Kainga giggled at the bird, softly petting it's beautifully preened feathers.

"I take it you like birds the most then huh?" James mentions as the bird puffed out its feathers in a sign of enjoyment. Another Macaw came up behind James and curiously pecked at a folded up map he's holding, making James jump and swatting harmlessly at the cheeky bird. It flapped it's wings and squawked at him rather loudly, James was holding back the urge to squawk back at it.

"Avians have always been my favorite. There's something so magnificent about them. I adore all the tropical species, especially the ones back home."

The Macaw took flight from beside him and landed back on it's perch high in the tropical lush trees that shaded the entire area. Kainga watched it fly away with awe before noticing a keeper in a red polo shirt and microphone preforming with the dazzling birds. Kainga was transfixed by the colors of the large parrots and they spun and shimmered against the light that cut through the trees. The keeper spoke to the gathering crowd of visitors. Kainga was about to ask if they wanted to go and watch before his arm was grabbed and dragged away by James. He made a disgruntled yelp but followed, James making an excitable claim about seeing the "Ripper crocodiles they had here!" Going against Kainga's structured plan of the date.

"James?! I thought we were seeing the elephants next?"

"Are yer serious?" James asked with a grin, looking over his shoulder at him. "Do we need to plan everything?"

"Yes, James. I am serious. Zoo going is a serious business." Kainga retorted with a straight face. He couldn't hold it and let a small laugh escape. "At least a general direction will do, so we don't waste time going all over the place in zigzags."

James rolled his eyes and scoffed. "C'mon. Live a little would ya?! We got all afternoon here and frankly I'd rather spend it looking at giant man-eating lizards!" He exclaimed that like there was nothing more romantic than seeing a 500 kilogram or so prehistoric beast rip apart a raw chicken or a full leg of a cow. After the dreams Kainga had been having, he might as well be sick to his stomach even thinking about it.

"Well if you want to see the crocodiles, we're going the wrong way. You're holding the map upside down James."

---

The date goes, dare he say perfectly. They explored every area of the zoo as the evening started to set in, Kainga made sure that he saw everything no matter the animal or enclosure. James occasionally boasting about how he created some of these animals, ever so causally. Mainly the dangerous, venomous creatures that could kill you within seconds. They'd seen everything from swinging monkey's to large carnivorous cats like lions and tigers. Kainga stood on his tippy toes and leaned over the railing to get a view of each one. Running his fingers along the glass at the Orangutan exhibit and watching in awe as they swung around their enclosure with remarkable balance. There was only one area left. The one James was most excited about showing Kainga that he'd saved until last. The area at the very back of the zoo past the frigid penguin and seal enclosure.

Most tourists start to vacate the zoo as darkness rears its head over the blue skies, creating a symphony of crimson and orange tinges that form the sunset. James lead Kainga deeper as the thicket around them seem to darken too, becoming more native to the New Zealand bush with deep green ferns beginning to line the wooden boardwalk. With all of the crowds gone, Kainga was met with the sounds of the zoo. A distant river rushing and what sounded like a waterfall against native bird song that echoed from the canopy. A lot of it too.

"Oh? James where are we?" Kainga asked him in a hasty whisper, like they weren't supposed to be here.

"Yer said ya liked birds right?"

"Yes. I did..."

"Well we're in the New Zealand bird section. It's a giant aviary full of native birds. There's a look-out at the top too! C'mon!"

They came to a small gate that was the entrance to the whole massive exhibit. An entire enclosed jungle inside of it, the whole aviary like a hidden paradise that mimicked the natural beauty of the New Zealand forest like it was sliced right from one. James dragged Kainga through rather roughly, making the Tongan yell at him.

Dusk stained the glistening foliage with shadow and murk. As nightfall descended, the sounds of the jungle began to ebb. Uncertainty hung in the warm, wet air as the creatures began to prepare for the long stretch of darkness. Kainga trailed James as they walked through, the sound of his shoes hitting the damp mossy trail, that switched from gravelly dirt to a boardwalk that took them higher into the dense undergrowth. He caught sight of a small stream that trickled down the rocky surface next to the boardwalk, eventually leading to a waterfall that glistened in the little light that was emitted as the canopy covered what little of the days light was left. Causing bright dashes of color around the forest. The hurried flapping of bird wings as curious Fantails perched themselves along the trees next to the track, dancing and swaying their black and white tail feathers as they twirled around the couple. Perhaps hoping to get a closer look with their eccentric chirping. James stopped to let Kainga watch them.

Finally they made it up the wooden stairs to a large balcony, looking over the whole of the aviary like a king looked over his kingdom. Kainga instantly went to the end of the deck and looked over the lush canopy below. Various leaves rustled with signs of life within them, an array of bird song sang out like a choir. Not in sync but beautiful nonetheless. Kainga watched in wonderment at the sight, he crossed his arms and rested them on the wooden railing. He gazed out.

"Oh James...it's beautiful. Really. This is wonderful." He addressed him as he saw James come and lean on the fence next to him in his peripheral vision. His smile was warm and bright.

"I knew you'd like it. Rather peaceful up here isn't it." James watched Kainga smile as he watched out. The way it made him feel was different. Kainga's smile was captivating him. So much so that he'd rather watch him smile subtly than watch the setting sun over the forest. Kainga did notice. When it came to James he wasn't really subtle. About anything. He found it charming. The simple fact that James was watching him smile, made him smile more.

It was a short while of tranquility before it was broken by the real reason they were up here. Birds started to appear from their hides once the pair were stationary. First a Tīeke flapped beside Kainga's arm, making its way to the various fruits on the bird feeder beside them. It's black and brown pigment almost blended in with the damp wood. It wasn't long before more birds came to feed. A pair of curious Kākās perched on the thick branches, alongside a dazzling Wood Pigeon that was sat preening its verdant feathers.

They soon had a collection of native birds surrounding them. Rainbow lorikeets showing off their flamboyant bright colored feathers as they began to feed as well. Various smaller finches and Fantails got closer to Kainga's hands, flying close to him so much so that he could feel the air being beaten off their small wings. They danced around them like a scripted ballet performance in the air. Some brave Gouldian finches even perching on Kainga's palm and fingers chirping at him like they were telling him the latest gossip. Kainga laughed with the light tickling of their small claws on his skin before watching them fly to the bird feeder beside him. He turns his attention back to James, now only realizing how close they were together.

"Hey James?"

James paused to give him a bit of a weird look. Kainga more focused on the flashy Wood Pigeon now so James shrugs it off.

"Yeah?"

"Tell me about yourself."

Kainga finally speaks up about the important questions in their relationship. If they were going to move further that is. And the truth is, he really didn't know all that much about James. Other than the fact we was as dumb as a pile of bricks.

"You...want to know about me?"

Kainga gulps as he fears he's struck a nerve within the Devil beside him with James's sudden tense. To his surprise. James just smiles, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

"Yeah. I do."

"Well there really isn't much to say. Or to know really," The New Zealander replies. ",I was born in heaven as an angel, given the name Lucifer by birth. Ever since eyes were laid upon me I was the favorite of the Archangels. I was incredibly good looking I must say..." he laughed before pausing. Almost sadly. "And. As the story goes. I was God's favorite."

Kainga almost feels pity for him as James gives him a saddened side glance. James kept going as Kainga rested his head on his shoulder gently.

"According to the other angels, I became so impressed with my own beauty, intelligence and power that I started to desire more. I was greedy. I wanted the honor and glory that belonged to God and God alone. Even though he loved me like his own. I was young and stupid. I felt like I could do more, be more than who I was. As my version goes, I was the one who asked for a pay rise and got kicked out of Heaven." Even though James laughed, it seemed he was just joking to cover up the pain in his voice at the retelling.

"The sin that corrupted me was self-generated pride. I fought them off until I was on the edge of Heaven."

"Fought who?"

"The other angels. They started to tear at my wings, they ripped 'em right off my body. War broke out in Heaven. God did nothing to stop them. I had my reasons. I had my rights! But this all perfect all loving all forgiving God couldn't find it in himself to love me again, nevermind forgive me. Sometimes I ask myself if he still loves me like he did before. My revolt was unsuccessful and I was kicked out of heaven and fell to plummet to the underworld. I no longer deserved my place in Heaven and I was replaced. It's only for the stuck up snobs that prefer a perfect boring good life anyways. With that, I started to build Hell with my own two hands. I lifted it from the dirt and dust and created a haven for the imperfect to thrive. So expectations of a superior God wouldn't constantly force them to be something they're not. Despite what those God manipulated mortals wrote in that fucking book, Hell is not what it seems."

James's breath is hasty before he finishes up, leaving him rather silent. Kainga softly takes his hand, unsure of what even to say. James's hand grips his as Kainga ushered. "I'm sorry..." Maybe he shouldn't of asked.

"It's....It's okay. I've learned from it, I'm now King of Hell and get to bully the absolute shit out of Catholics. In all honesty I'd rather be Satan or James than Lucifer."

"Do you, not like being called Lucifer?"

James shook his head. "No. Lucifer was an angel. Lucifer was Gods favorite. I'm not him anymore."

"In all visual depictions of Satan I've seen, you've always had wings. Why don't you have any now?"

"Well, they were torn from me body. Some presume I got new wings but I didn't. Perhaps it was the final punishment, so I couldn't fly back up to the golden gates of Heaven. I've still got little stubs from where they used to be though. Wanna touch 'em?!"

"What?! Fuck no!"

"Oh c'mon! Sometimes they get a little juicy-"

"JAMES FUCK OFF-"

The mood is quickly lightened again as Kainga ducked under the playful swipe James threw at him in an attempt to catch him. The Tongan avoiding touching those wing stubs like the plague, laughing all the while he's slowly backed against the railing. James eventually caught him by his hips. Kainga expected him to tell him to touch it again, but he did something a lot more surprising. James holds his hips and kisses him instead. No crucifix to burn his lips this time. The only heat coming from his mouth was the passionate intertwining of their lips as Kainga kissed him back. It only grew deeper as Kainga moved his hands from his chest to wrap his arms around his neck. He doesn't notice the hands under his shirt until they start to softly knead at the skin above his waist. There's no room to separate them anymore. Not with James's warm hands touching further up the sides of his body. He almost forgets that they're in a public place. He almost forgets that he's making out with Satan.

Kainga barely noticed a thing. He thought the tug at his stomach was just butterflies. You can imagine his shock when the foundations of his balance crumble and he lands on his back against the sheets of a bed. He opened his mouth to say something, most likely profanity before James cuts him off and the kissing resumes. That familiar glow of the curtains behind James. Shit. They were back at his apartment. In his bed.

James is surprisingly gentle with him. As gentle as the Devil could be at least. The burning sensation of his lips travels down his neck and shoulders, allowing Kainga to gasp out for breath. He started to remove his clothes like one would undress a doll, his mouth always pressed against some form of his flesh. Kainga spluttered slightly as lewd noises started to spill from his lips as James is not too hasty, nor too rough with him once he finally intensified his movements. Bite marks are left stinging on his collar bone as James builds up his release, matching the scratch marks Kainga left on his back. He was right about the stubs where his wings once were. Kainga was too out of it to notice, squirming below him before there's a pause and sweet relief. Everything seemed to burn.

So. That was sex huh? Before that encounter he'd seen sex as overrated and bland. Before that encounter he was a virgin.

He just had his first time with Satan. Fucking. Satan.

[thekillingjoke-haha]

Life without A Script

Summary: After filming for Spn wrapped up Rob was looking for new roles instead of paying attention to his daughter who seems always his last thought.

Paring: None. Platonic Rob Benedict x Daughter!Reader

Other Characters: Jensen Ackles,Jarded Padalecki,Genevieve Padalecki, AgedUp!Audrey & Calvin Benedict, Mark Sheppard

Warning!!!: tw Heavy theme of su¡c¡de, running away,argument between parent and child

==============================

Pacing...Dad was pacing the floor long enough I thought I saw a glimpse of burnt rug. The chatter from the other line was muffled,but I knew who it was. Tommy my dad's agent about a new role. Oh God a new role dad wouldn't shut up about it since he got home from the anniversary party for Supernatural. He would often glace over at me and gives a thumbs up...sad to think that's the most attention I've received in almost fourteen years. Season four dad was introduced as God or Chuck and suddenly his time was to precise to be wasted on the likes of me.

I gave him a false smile everytime he looked over. Years back to back roles in unknown tv-shows to small films that never seen a silver screen,but no they all meant the world to him so much so once getting the role as Chuck we moved to a small house abandoning Missouri to the border of Canada to be closer to set so we're not too far apart. Seemed the distance only grew emotionally. Acting major is great in University of Montana it really is,but now looking at it I'm glad I studied filming online courses, my dad wanted me to carry on the acting legacy even though my siblings already had a path in mind. I don't blame them they're great at what they do and all I just hate I'm the one with a dream forced upon me. I could act decently,but my heart belonged to what happened behind the camera and the work put into that. He'd never understand and I won't make him. Or so I thought.

Dad ended the call and and was basically jumping up and down like a girl asked out to prom. "I got the part." That was vague he's done more auditions than I could count on my fingers. I wanted to keep my teeth sunk into my tongue like I've done for years,but If I bit it any harder I'd take a piece. "What was the name of the movie? Do you even know or where you that desprit to leave me again?" That might have been to harsh,but that's how I feel. "It's called Violet. Why are you being so pissy about it? If you haven't realized,this is our only source of income right now." He said as he slides the phone into his pocket with a huff. This made my eye twitch in anger pissy? Ill show him fucking pissy. "That's just a whole fucking lie,but you wouldn't know since you're never here. I work to I don't know live! Seems like a damn waste though." I snapped as I stood up from my seated position my words made him stop and look in confusion. "What you work some little shitty job at a five and dime for pocket change for some girly crap whenever you're pms-ing!? My paycheck pays for your dream college and this house!" He shouted. Now we were both in eachothers faces his reddening with anger whilst mine was so tense it could form diamonds

"You're so fucking dense father! I don't want to study acting it's your dream not mine so since you brought it up I would like to drop out please and thank you." This sure as hell wasn't the way I wanted to break this to him,but dad was pushing me too close to the edge. "I don't want to be an actress struggling at every corner just to get a callback saying that I didn't get the part! I don't want to be in the limelight reading any bullshit lines! I don't want this at all!! So please give me a break you let Calvin and Audrey do what they want. Why can't I?" I was losing the heat in my voice at every word I was closer to tears then throwing a punch,but I guess dad had different plans. "How could I raise such an ungrateful girl? Oh I'm sorry that I couldn't see you being anything else,but an actress because you just aren't good at anything else. I wanted to give the talentless a chance,but serving it on a silver platter isn't good enough." He shouted his voice seeming to shake the walls till the trubble in submission,but I couldn't let his words hurt me evern though they cut like a hot knife. He won't see that though. "I'm such a failure. Boo hoo why am I still even here then hmm. I'll just leave you for good no more mouth to feed and bullshit to pay for right?!" My voice cracked slightly. I didn't want to leave not like this would he even carethough Dad hasn't cared in the past. "Then leave,you ungrateful brat!" His words held they same anger not even a look of regret flashed in his eyes. He was serious and I was to.

Rushing out today the living room I'm got into my bedroom and packed a small back I wouldn't need much where I'm going. Just a few shirts and pants and my best outfit because gotta look your best when you met your maker. Pulling the bag over my shoulder I stormed out of my room Dad wasn't in the living room anymore probably went to his own room to pack to go to film soon. Walking out the front door I didn't look back after all nothing worth waiting for.

~~~~Time skip~~~~

The bus rides were difficult switching from one to another,but if it meant I'm closer to happiness so be it. This was the last one and I'll be in Missouri a full 21 hours to get there from the Montana bus stop my phone unordered by calls or text from anyone that cared. Dad didn't try,Mom didn't want to bother my studies,my siblings are busy living life,and my or my dad's supernatural family have their own kids to worry about. This only made me smile my mind is content no one cared and this was proof making it so much easier.

Stepping out of the bus station walking down the road to my spot. Me and Dad use to share it to talk to eachothers. That was back when I was happy and our family was whole,but now even though it was only fourteen years ago before Supernatural when everything went sideways. I don't hate my dad I can't not for taking the job I met so many lovely people. That wasn't enough though ha maybe I was ungrateful. Even with two parents, though separated, loved me,older siblings that are my everything and friends that's made these fourteen years worth something it wasn't enough.

Sitting down in the silky grass of the hidden spot that has been untouched since the dY they moved. She took the privacy of the spot in her stride and stripped of her clothing and went to to the river washing away the musk of public transport and the walk. The water was freezing,but I couldn't feel it as I ducked my head underneath the surface I've thought about drowning it isn't pleasant so waiting until my lungs burned slightly in desperate need for air I came up. The sun was at its peak so getting out of the water I grab a old shirt from my bag that was large and used it like a towel drying off.

==Outfit dress or pants and button up==

==Any color==

After deeming myself dry enough I get in my best outfit or should I say my favorite formal outfit. It was not fitting for where I found myself,but I didn't care I sat myself down on the ground and opened my favorite book to re-read for the last time. So deep into the worn pages the sound of my phone going off genuinely scared me. Dog earring the page I pick up my phone answering it. "Rob just called me. What is this I hear about you running away?" It was Jared I softly smiled at hearing his voice. "It wasn't running away. He said I should leave. So I left I wasn't gonna stay there any longer." I sighed I didn't want to talk about in while here this was my happy place. "Come on,n/n. I'll get you a plan ticket and you can come stay at me and Gene's place till you both cool off." It was a nice suggestion I could seem the little rascals again and my second favorite couple. "Tempting,but pass." I hung up and kept declining his calls till they stopped. My phone vibrated with a text from Mark. I didn't respond,but they came in rapide secession.

All I did was stare another hand out to stay with someone. Is that all that I am just a needy mouth to feed thats desperate for a roof and a warm bed. My mood was souring by each message and every ring of the phone. My temper hit its boiling point and my hand squeezed tightly on my phone as I answered a call blindly. "WHAT!?!" I yelled as if the person on the other line was my enemy. "Pump the hate breaks sweetheart." The voice of Jensen said on the other side. I breathed out. "Kid please answer someone anyone. We know you kid and you would take his words to heart. I don't know what your argument was about,but ignore him okay? How about this I fly you down to Texas and—" another hand out I thought and I cut him off before he could finish. "Jensen I swear to God if you finish that sentence! The next person that offers me charity or pity will be mentioned, by name, in my suicide note." I threatened,yes I'm tonthat fucking point. "Hey! Don't joke about that shit!" He said after recovering from shock of my outburst. "Who said I was joking? I'm at peace where I am and I wanted it to stay that way,but people keep calling and texting about having open arms and I'm sick of it. I don't need anyone's pity." I said as I leaned my head against the tree trunk. "Where the hell are you?! Are you planning to— I thought you were feeling better after everything! What the hell did he do to bring you back to square one?"

Tears gathered in my eyes I was such a fucking disappointment. I'm failing Jensen by doing this I promised him I'd try after he saw my scars and I did I got better,but it all went down the drain when dad proved that every ill thought was a reality. "I'm sorry Jenny. I'm just not worth the effort anymore...and I'm okay with that." The sadness was present in my voice,but it sounded strained when I smiled at the words. "I can't take it anymore I've been strong for so long for once I want to be weak and let my conscious do the work." His words sounded like static as he spoke it flowed into my ear just to pour our the other. "Love ya J,goodbye." I hung up the phone cutting of a booming yell that would have busted the speakers for sure.

Picking my book back up I look at the first empty pages and took out a pen and began to write. I poured my everything into those few pages before closing it holding it to my lips kissing the worn out hard cover. I know that the find my phone feature was turned on now so I sat it down on top of the book and stood up leaving both behind as I walked away from them. Leaving everything behind for so peace.

This wasn't a drama this was real life it was raw and real. No emotions could be faked and not a single word is scripted. It was reality and the happy ending isn't always the light and the end of the tunnel. "Chief We've got her! Get the ambulance and EMT out here!" Voices yelled in the distance. This wasn't to her plan,but that's life without a script. Nothing is set in stone.

==============================================================

A/n: Word Count: 2,400+

The ending was left with a bit of hope because who likes expectations to be met. Anyways...

Quote: "The next person that offers me charity or pity will be mentioned, by name, in my suicide note." –Community

@spnquotebingo

This was very angst like and I don't see any fluff in the future!!! Um anyways Alot more to come Imma try and clear these quotes.

I'll look at this later to edit any mistakes along with all the other fixes in the masterlist when im behind a computer. Bye for now!!!

[thatbritishactor]

Adventures in Success (part 10)

Adventures in Success (part 10)

Paring : Ben Barnes x Reader

Summary:  Ben’s agent is retiring and the firm wants you to represent him. It’s going to be hard for you not to mix work with feelings.

Warning: None, language (cursing).

Words: 3,300

Type :  Fluff

Part 1     Part 2       Part 3       Part 4       Part 5      Part 6    Part 7   Part 8  Part 9

I.

You’ve been officially dating for two months, but it feels like you’ve been together for longer. You’ve met all of Ben’s close friends, and you’ve introduced him to a few of yours. You’ve had to deal with feelings of betrayal on their part: how dare you keep your relationship a secret for so long? You’ve been scolded and met with incomprehension, but as soon as they met him, they were instantly enthralled by him. Ben knows how to win people over: his effortless charm, wits and kindness conquer everyone around him.

You still spend most of your time at his place, finding it unbearable to be away from him. Thankfully, he seeks your company as much as you seek his, and time flies by when you’re together. It’s taken a toll on your work, you’re not as dedicated as before, and your boss is starting to notice. Before, your job came before everything else. You worked an average of fifty hours a week, dividing your time between script reading, meeting your actors, callings producers and casting directors.

Today, Ben comes before your work, even before your friends. You know that some of it isn’t healthy, and that you shouldn’t prioritize your relationship over everything else. But you can’t resist him, and you’re at your happiest when you’re with him. He seems to struggle as well, avoiding castings, not reading as many scripts as he used to. Whenever you start to get anxious about it, you quickly dismiss it, one glance at Ben is enough to dissolve all your fears. He’s everything you’ve ever wanted, and you intend to hold onto and fight for your relationship with everything you’ve got.

By the end of November, Ben has to leave for London, and the heart ache induced by your imminent separation keeps growing. You’ve spent the better part of a year wanting him so badly it hurt you, and now that you finally have him, you can’t imagine how you’re going to be able to go back to a life without him.

Your feelings for him scare you, for they seem to get stronger every day. You thought that you were already done for when you weren’t even dating him, but it’s getting even worse. Somehow, waking up next to him every day is even better than what you had ever imagined. Although, you know that this is the easy bit: the honeymoon phase. The part where you love everything about the person you’re newly dating and can’t imagine ever picking a fight with them. You know that someday, his flaws will get to you, and that you’ll find him annoying. But today, you just can’t imagine that you’ll ever come to hate anything about him.

Sure, he’s a distracted person. He forgets things, he daydreams a lot, and he’s a people pleaser. Something inside him pushes him to accommodate everyone around him, and you can see that it might trigger your insecurities someday. But for now, you simply adore him, and you want to indulge in those feelings as much as possible. You’re incredibly nervous about the upcoming separation: Ben has to be in London for at least four months, and you don’t know if you’ll be able to handle it. You’ve come up with a plan though, but you haven’t told him, wanting to surprise him.

The night before his departure, you’re lying in bed with him, tightly pressed against his chest. He places soft kisses on your forehead, and you can feel the regular pounding of his heart, lulling you to sleep.

You’re tired and your eyes close by themselves, but you refuse to drift away, because when you’ll wake up, you’ll have to take him to the airport, and you’ll be apart -again- for months. You’ve realized that apart from your anxiety, it’s the separations that pose the biggest threat to your relationship. But this man is so worth it, you think, his fingers slowly caressing your bare back; you’d do anything for him.

“Do you want me to turn off the light?” he murmurs, and you sigh, closing your eyes and rubbing your nose on his chest.

“No… I don’t want to sleep” you lie, and Ben chuckles.

“I can see you’re totally falling asleep, love” he says, and your heart misses a bit at the term of endearment. You haven’t told him you love him yet, although the words are demanding to escape your lips. You haven’t loved anyone the way that you love him, and your feelings for him are so obvious, it’s embarrassing. Something’s keeping you from uttering the words though: the fear that it’d scare him away. You’ve been together for two months, it’s too soon. You’re so deathly afraid of losing him, you don’t completely allow yourself to surrender to your feelings yet.

Ben calls you love though, and sweetheart, sometimes dear, and it’s the most beautiful things you’ve ever heard, making you melt into a puddle every time. You wonder if he wants to tell you he loves you too, but you dismiss the thought, distracted by Ben moving against you.

“All right, I’m shutting the light” he says, and you lift your head to protest.

“Nooooo” you whine, and he laughs, his arms holding you impossibly closer to him.

“What is it?” he asks, “I can see that you’re incredibly sleepy.”

“I don’t want to go to sleep, because I don’t want to be tomorrow” you reply, and you bury your face against his chest to hide your face. He sighs and rubs his cheek on your hair, and you raise your head to meet his dark eyes.

“I know, me neither” he admits, and you can hear the longing in his voice.

“It sucks” you reply, and he gently pushes a strand of hair away from your face.

“Tell me about it” he replies, pensive.

You let go of him and lean back, and he slowly lets you go, looking curious.

“At least you’re going to meet Phoebe Waller Bridge” you say, trying to change the subject, resting your head on your hand.  “I’m so jealous” you add.

Ben smiles, his eyes soft, and your heart clenches in your chest. He’s eerily beautiful, and you don’t think you’ll ever get used to that. He takes your breath away twenty times a day, and you still can’t believe that you’re the lucky woman who gets to be with him.

“Want me to ask her stuff?” he asks, his beautiful black eyes appraising you.

“I’d have to write it down” you joke “I have so many questions for her”.

“Go ahead” he replies, sliding a hand through his hair. “I’ll ask her.” He says with a smirk on his lips.

“You’d do that for me?” you mock in a high voice, putting a hand on your chest and dramatically batting your eyelashes.

Ben lets out a laugh “Anything for the one I love”, he replies, and you instantly stop breathing. Ben doesn’t seem phased at all, getting back to slowly caressing your arm, his eyes following the movements of his fingers, while your voice is stuck somewhere in your throat. When the silence thickens, he glances back at you, frowning.

“Is everything all right?” he asks, seeming worried.

You blink stupidly, a lump in your throat.

“Y… yeah” you reply, lowering your eyes, your heart beating fast in your chest.

“C’mon, I know you by now” he sighs “I know when something’s bothering you” and there is that smile again, the one that could make snow melt.

“You’ve just said you loved me” you mutter, putting a hand over your eyes, unable to meet his gaze. He laughs again, before placing a hand on the side of your face, forcing you to meet his eyes.

“Sweetheart, I’ve been in love with you for a year now, don’t tell me this comes as a surprise” he says in an incredulous voice, and you close your eyes, unable to handle the storm of emotions overwhelming you.

When you open them again, he’s still gazing at you, the softest expression on his face, and you lean in to kiss him.

“I love you too” you whisper against his lips, and his hands cup your face before they slide in your hair. You roll on your back, his weight on top of you, your heart seeming to burst in your chest.

II.

It’s become a ritual now: you play the music from Bo Burnham’s Inside in the morning while you’re both getting ready, and the two of you sing along to the soundtrack, knowing each song by heart. You’ve made the coffee and helped him finish packing his suitcase, something he’s told you before he struggles with. Being an organized, neat person, you secretly love packing and tidying things up, so you’re thrilled to help him. Ben has joked about you being perfect for each other, your orderliness completing his messiness, and you’ve laughed, pretending to be chill about it, ignoring your accelerated heartbeat and the warmth spreading in your chest. He could ask you to marry him right then and there, and you’d accept immediately. You’re so done for, you think to yourself, rolling your eyes as you watch him slide his backpack on, wearing his usual cap and sunglasses.

You sing in the car, and he teases you when the song “Sexting” comes on, taking you back to the time you got drunk and sent it to him. You were embarrassed at first, blushing and hiding your face away, before owning it and deciding that it was unintentional sure, but a badass move nevertheless.

The ride to the airport goes fast, and you hold hands while you walk through LAX. You’re less skittish than before about public displays of affection, thinking that if the world must find out about your relationship, so be it. You’ve lost so much time before because of your insecurities, you’ve promised to yourself that you wouldn’t let anything get in the way from now on. Ben registers his bags, and you arrive at the security gates when he turns over and holds you tightly in his arms. You hug him back, feeling like your heart is getting crushed with a hammer, struggling with yourself not to cry.

“It’s four months”, you say against his chest, “We can do this”. He nods and cups your face with both hands, staring into your eyes.

“I’ll call you as soon as I land?” he asks, looking uncertain.

“Yes, please” you reply, oddly out of breath. You stare into his deep obsidian eyes, your hands resting at his hips, and he leans in to kiss you. You close your eyes, surrendering to the soft feelings of his lips moving against yours, silently wishing for time to stand still.

“All right, I have to go” he whispers against your lips, and you smile, nodding.

“I love you” you breathe, looking back into his eyes, and he grins, making your heart drop in your chest. How is it possible for a person to be that beautiful? This should be illegal, you think to yourself, frowning.

“I love you too, sweetheart” he replies, and he kisses you one more time before he lets go of you, squeezes your hand, and turns over to go through the gates.

You stand there for a few minutes, your heart pounding hard in your chest, the sounds of the airport muffled around you before you find the strength to go home.

III.

“You wanna do what?” Rebecca asks, looking puzzled.

“I’ve been in touch with actresses in London for a few weeks now, and I think that I should go meet them to try and win them over” you explain, straightening your back against your chair.

You’ve asked for a meeting with your boss this morning, eager to submit your plan to her. You’ve been thinking about it for a while, but you’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t accept the fact that Ben’s departure for London had been the incentive.

Although your agency is always looking for new talent, and you’re currently managing some of the hottest British talents in Hollywood, you know that they’d trust your judgement.

“Which actresses?” Rebecca asks, narrowing her eyes.

“Michaela Coel and Daisy Edgar Jones” you reply without breaking eye contact.

Rebecca arches her eyebrows, seeming impressed, before she purses her lips and turns a bit to glance out of the window.

“Honey, you know that you’re one of our most successful agents” she starts, and you brace yourself, knowing that a “but” is imminent.

“But I couldn’t help but notice that you seemed distracted lately” she adds, looking back at you.

You look away, crossing your legs, feeling uneasy. Yes. You can’t deny that.

“I know, I’m sorry” you reply honestly, knowing that lying wouldn’t take you anywhere.

“You know that I try and pay no mind to gossip” Rebecca says, the ghost of a smile dancing on her lips “But I couldn’t help but notice that ever since you dropped the Barnes account, you’ve been a little… elsewhere”, and she looks into your eyes, a kind expression on her face. You try not to blush, a warm feeling spreading over your chest, and you decide not to reply anything.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled for you” she says, still smiling “And Andrew was more than happy to take over as his agent.” You nod, not knowing where this is going.

Rebecca takes a breath and straightens her back before she leans against her desk, joining her hands.

“You were working too much before, anyway” she says, “But I’m wondering if taking new actors would be the right fit for you right now”.

“Oh.” You reply, taken aback. “I see.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’d never say no to new clients, especially the ones you’ve approached. Promising, promising new talent, these two.” She says pensively, looking away.

“I know that I’ve been distracted lately” you start, wanting to be sincere “But I’m genuinely excited to meet them, and I know that I’d be the right fit for them”.

Rebecca glances back at you: “Are you sure? You already have a lot on your plate” she replies, seeming skeptical.

“Perhaps I just need fresh accounts” you venture, “Something new and exciting”.  

She stares at you for a moment, searching your expression.

“You know what” she starts “Go to London, try and broach them, and if you succeed, we’ll find a way to make this work” she proposes.

“Deal” you say, offering her your hand, and she shakes it.

“You’re going to London” she says gleefully.

“I’m going to London” you reply, smiling widely.

IV.

Ben was more than thrilled when you announced that you’d meet him in a month, impressed by your scheme. He told you that it was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for him, and you had blushed and put your face in your hands, shaking your head.

“You don’t think that it’s stalky or creepy?” you had asked, watering your plants while you were talking to him on the phone.

“I mean, it totally is” Ben had laughed “But if it means that I get to see you, I don’t care” he added, and you hummed in agreement, distracted by the fact that you’d soon be in his arms, where you seemed to belong now.

December went fast, and you were glad that Ben was his family to celebrate Christmas. You’d fly two days before New Years Eve, and you’d meet Michaela on January second, and Daisy the next day. You’d spend a total of seven days with Ben, and you couldn’t wait.

You arrive Sunday morning in London, feeling tired and jetlagged, but seeing Ben’s face at the arrival gates fills you with more joy than you have ever experienced before. He joins you in quick strides and grips you tight, exhaling loudly and snaking his arms around your waist; raising you in the air like he had done months ago, before you had admitted your feelings to each other. You throw your arms around his neck and kiss him passionately, you heart threatening to jump out of your chest.

“God, I’ve missed you” he says against your lips, putting you back gently on the ground, his hands moving from your hips to your face.

“Tell me about it” you reply, out of breath, staring into his beautiful eyes.

“Ready to explore the city?” he asks, smiling widely.  “Or do you want to go back to my place and get some sleep?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.

You think for a split second, blushing a bit “I mean… We’ll have time to chill later” you reply, “Let’s do some sightseeing” and you smile widely.

“Are you sure?” he asks, and he puts a strand of your hair behind your ear, looking down at you tenderly.

“I’m up for anything as long as I’m with you” you say, shrugging, and you know that the answer is beyond cheesy, but you’re unable to restrain yourself. He chuckles and gently pokes your nose with his, and you distinctively feel butterflies swarming in your stomach.

“First, an English breakfast” he says, and you wince, dreading the British food “Then, let’s be tourists” he says, and he kisses you gently. You sigh, melting under his touch. He’s worth enduring British food, for sure.

Ben takes you to the Naval Royal College in Greenwich, wanting to show you the Painted Hall. It’s known as the British Sistine Chapel, and he plays the tourist guide again, like he had done in Venice. You hold hands throughout the whole visit, stealing kisses and being amazed at his extensive knowledge of art history.

“Did you research all this to impress me again?” you ask, teasing him. Ben rolls his eyes, smiling.

“Of course, I did, what’d you expect?” he replies, kissing your cheek, and you giggle, endeared.

He shows you the Millennium Bridge, asking if you want to go inside St Paul’s cathedral, but you’re starting to feel a bit tired from all the walking and the flight.

“All right, one more place I want to show you, and then you’ll take a nap” he suggests, and you nod, reaching for his hand to hold. You walk for fifteen minutes when you reach a pretty street, and you enter what seems to be a park with a church in it. You frown, perplexed, when you finally see why he’d want to take you there. The church is in ruins, vegetation growing everywhere. It looks beautiful and romantic, and you understand why Ben wanted you to see it so badly. You walk among the ruins, gasping at the shady trees and the quietness of the place. It doesn’t seem like you’re in the heart of the busy city, the place looks magical with the sun setting in the distance.

“Oh, this is so pretty” you whisper, and Ben takes you to a bench for you to sit. He throws an arm around your shoulder, and he places a kiss on your temple.

“This place reminds me of you” he says quietly, and you look at him, surprised.

“How so?” you ask. He seems to ponder for a while before he replies.

“It makes me feel safe, quiet, like nothing else exists.” And his voice is soft, making your stomach clench. You blush, feeling overwhelmed. What did you do to deserve him again? This is crazy, you think to yourself, looking away, feeling crushed with too many emotions.

“What is it?” he asks, still gazing at you.

“I’m just tired” you reply, and you put your head on his shoulder, breathing deeply and closing your eyes.

“What’s our plan for New Year’s?” you ask, opening your eyes. Ben has teased you before that he had a plan but wanted to surprise you. You feel him chuckle and look up at him.

“I was thinking… It might be time for you to meet my parents” he says easily, and your heart stops in your chest. You look at him, your breath shallow, and Ben laughs at your expression, seeming satisfied with himself.

“It’ll be alright, Love” he says, caressing your hair. “I promise.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Heyyyy heyyyyy!!!! Look who’s updating after two months ?? It’s meeee.

Hope you like this part, it’s just pure fluff. I want them to be happy and to explore the next step of their relationship.

Tell me your thoughts and feelings about this ? It might inspire me to write part 11 !!

Byeee <3

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[blissfulparker]

A Work in progress→T.H

Parings: Tom Holland x Actress!reader

Summary: when You and Tom both have each other as a celebrity crush, you two unknowingly take on the role of each other’s lovers in a new movie and are expected to make it real. When the director puts the two of you in a house for the weekend to get to know each other there is little more to rehearsing than just your lines.

Warnings: awkwardness in the first half, smut(oral female), sexual tension

A/n: this is based off of a blurb I did, where it was just from a physical affection prompt list that I went off on! I hope you guys enjoy 💗

Wc: 4k

Tom didn’t know why he was so nervous as he opened the large glass doors to the conference building. His palms were sweaty as he walked alone rather than with his brother and assistant Harry.

He loved working on new projects, new films, meeting new people but the scare of not knowing the new people made him nervous. At this point he normally would be able to get some sort of name, do some research on said person but this time they gave him nothing but a script.

The script was more of a love story. a serious role but one where he could be more seductive and serious, he could let go of the goofy teenager character he seemed to be stuck with.

His character, Jack, who would be the corrupt business man who falls for the one trying to bring down his company, the main female protagonist, Beth.

The meeting started at 10:00. Always being early he seemed to see someone else was too. You stand in front of the coffee machine, trying to get it to work as you waited for the meeting to start—or at least people to come in.

“Oi let me help you with that—“ he offers but a small Yelp comes from your mouth as you quickly turn around and hit your head against the British accented stranger.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry! You scared me half to death—“ you hold your head as you look up, a wave of heat washes over your body and you don’t know if it was just because you hit your head hard enough or if it was because you finally figured out who you were working with.

“I should’ve said something else first, I’m so sorry—“ fuck. He thinks as he looks at you. You who managed to make a way onto the list of celebrities he wants to work with. You who also made it on the list of celebrities he wants to date.

The fans knew quickly he had a tiny crush on you. As he once liked a fan edit of the two of you on the read carpet. He seemed to be one of the firsts to like your Instagram photos and even mentioning your name in an interview saying how pretty you were.

You were the same, with smaller fame of course. You along with half of the other population who enjoyed marvel movies and dorky characters, you fell in love with the curly haired British boy. Finding him extremely talented and a heartthrob of course, you quickly dreamt about working with him but laughed about it never coming true.

Now he was in front of you. His chin red from where your head collided with it and he only stares at you in response.

The awkward silence quickly filled as the two of you tried and laugh off the interaction.

“Tom—“

“(Y/n)—“ you both say your names at the same time. Him going in for a handshake and you going in for an awkward hug. The two of you stop and laugh it off before deciding a simple handshake was the way to go. You had never wanted to quit your entire career more than now.

“Oh! Perfect!” Finally as the tension was cut the director walked into the room. Two people followed behind and you took a deep breath already nervous for the new film and exactly what Toms role was. As far as you read, the main female character, who you were to be playing, had to be in lingerie a few times in front of the main male character. There were also sex scenes, plenty of kiss scenes and sexual tension. You were fit for the character but you were not fit for Tom. All your fantasies about him were just fantasies.

“I see the two of you have already met. But If not, (y/n) meet Tom, Tom meet (y/n) you two will be working together for the next few months as I’m sure you are aware of your roles. (Y/n) will be playing the lover and spy where Tom you will be playing the businessman. I’m sure we already know our positions…” the director starts and you swallow hard.

Tom doesn’t know if you’re looking or not to see the pink shade coming to his cheeks and making him hot. You were just an actress, he thought, an actress who just had to play the role. He was an actor as well, he reminds himself. A very good one for the fact so he didn't want to mess this up all because of one silly crush.

“We want to put you two in a house together.” The director claps his hands together making you nearly spit out the coffee you had in front of you. Tom's head snaps to look at you as you cough a bit trying to digest the words.

“You want us to live together?” Tom speaks for you it seems.

“We only want to see your chemistry! The fans, the academy, loves chemistry! Trust me, people will love the movie but they will not care if they see just two other actors acting to be in love. Not really caring you know? We want to see you guys build a bond, passion, some sort of love even if you lie to us about it to make it believable. Run through your lines, skinny dip with each other for all we care we just want to see passion!” You feel like his words are turning into a dream as he speaks. You feel your heart pounding at his words and try your hardest to keep your calm.

“And where will we be going?” You finally find the strength to speak. If it was anyone else you would not care, reminding yourself you are a good actress and have acted like you wanted to fuck a man you hate. But this was a man you actually wanted to fuck, a man you actually wanted real passion with.

“We rented you two a flat in spain,” he mentions, right, where you’ll be shooting, you think. “It’s only three days and if you want more we will give you more if you don’t we will let you free. Every expense is paid for, go to dinner, have wine, everything will be on the film. This is both of your chances at big awards this year. This is for you and for us.” You could almost feel Toms body heat as he was just as nervous as you, you didn’t know why though. He was the heartthrob, he was the actor that was wanted left and right, this was your big chance at a movie that can skyrocket your career.

The next hour feels torturous as all you could think about was what this house looked like for the two of you. Did it have two rooms? Two bathrooms? Why did your head hit his chin? Is there a bump? What if he hates you? What if he’s secretly seeing someone and just doesn’t want to announce it? All thoughts ran through your head as you had to make this your best acting gig yet. Except the most acting might be pretending not to love Tom the way you do.

-

Three days. That’s all it was. You would spend three days in whatever this house looked like and all you would have to do is pretend to get to know Tom. All while trying not to expose how much you truly like him.

There were rumors he had a crush on you, of course you saw the interview and noticed how he liked your pictures but you also knew his co-stars from Spider-Man so your thoughts were friendly.

Taking an Uber to the destination, you pull up to this beautiful Italian cottage. Gorgeous stone walls and large driveway, If there was one emotion to be real about this entire thing, it would be that you were spoiled with this house.

You were already nervous as people started to catch on through social media, his fans seeming to know his constant move now quickly knowing yours.

‘Stars (y/n) (y/l/n) and Tom Holland possibly take on a new film with one another: here’s what we know’

‘Why is Tom in Italy?’ ‘Is (y/n) in Italy?’ ‘Rumor is they are filming together soon’

Your heart rushed with comments you had read. Maybe this wasn’t for you, maybe you should stay with doing small movies where you were a side character or something simple. Keep the small amount of followers you had compared to Toms 40 million.

As you go up to knock on the door wondering if he’s already beat you to the place, the door opens and reveals the sight of Tom.

Another Yelp escapes your lips as you jump at Tom opening the door so quickly.

“If we’re living together I think you should hold off on scaring me.” You take a deep breath. His hair was wet, he was fresh out of a shower.

“Sorry darling! They told me your flight landed at 2:00 and well...it’s 2:00 so you aren’t supposed to be here until like 3:00.” He claims and you take a deep breath. Three days, you remind yourself, don’t mess it up.

“Oh…” you swallow.

“Not that I didn’t want to see you! It’s nice to see you again, you look really nice!” He says as you wear the sweats and the sweatshirt from the airport. “Let me help you with those.” He grabs your bags for you and you smile letting him take it. He leans in just close enough for you to smell the aftershave he put on, his muscles flex as he grabs your bags making this all the harder for you.

The night was young, fans already knew, this was your shot at making it big, Tom's shot of winning an Oscar, you two needed to work together. Pushing aside the worried one sided emotion and be able to make a movie that blows people away

“Have you ever done anything like this before?” You asked as you walked into the kitchen. It was now late, you were starving, you and Tom already getting to know each other but it was strange.

“No, I mean the most I’ve done for a chemistry read is take the person out to dinner.” He laughs a little and then runs a hand through his hair. “Speaking of dinner...should we grab something or make something. Unless you had plans of your own then that’s totally fine—“ he starts to ramble and you laugh.

“I cannot cook, so unless you can I prefer to pick something up.” You cut him off to make sure he doesn’t go on and on.

“Have you ever pizza from Italy before?” He asks and you lean against the counter.

“I’ve never been in Italy before.” You shrugged and he grew a smirk. He turns on his heels as if he already has an idea.

“Then I know a place.” He walks out of the room to grab his phone.

You feel your heart pounding as you check your phone. You made a mistake by opening your Twitter, 10k new followers, 50k mentions and plenty more all regarding Tom. You only hoped he wasn’t the type to use Twitter as it was flooded with people wanting you guys to be together.

Your mind swarms with the thought of your character again. Soon you’d have to stand in front of your celebrity crush, half naked, trying to seduce him. It was going to be more awkward if you guys were friends.

“Are you coming?” He calls out and you quickly shove your phone in your back pocket before grabbing your purse to go.

Three days and you feel like you’re already going to snap.

-

It was a lovely little place he brought you to. You didn’t know If he’d come to Italy often but he clearly knew a decent way around the city. The two of you sat in the corner of a dimly lit Italian restaurant, sharing pizza and feeling more comfortable with each other as the night went on. He was just another person, you thought, nothing to worry about.

“We didn’t order any wine.” You stop the server as he pours both you and Tom a glass. Tom already drunk off of the beer he had and you only enjoying his presence.

“Ah it’s on the house, such a lovely couple in such a lovely city! You two should have fun!” The server winks. You almost protest to stop him telling him that you and Tom were nearly just coworkers stuck in a house for three days.

But rather Tom thanks the server and takes the glass. Your heart pounding as you pick up the glass as well, the boys eyes already red from how much he’s had already and you can tell you have to take him home.

“You know I was nervous to be working with you.” He took a sip before setting it down. “When I saw you I was like ‘shit this is happening’ and freaked out.” He admitted and you try to hold back the butterflies in your stomach.

“You freaked out for working with me?” You swallowed and he nodded.

“Well look at you, you’re gorgeous! Anyone would be lucky to work with you, as your lover as well.” He falls back into the booth and stares at the décor on the ceiling.

“So you read all the scenes?” You ask and he nodded.

“Of course i did! I only improve when I feel like it.” He shrugs, taking another sip.

“You said you’re method too.” You remember from one interview you watched years ago. Your voice was more of a whisper, more to yourself but he grows a soft smirk as he turns his head to face you.

“So you watched my interviews.” He says feeling cocky. You roll your eyes taking another sip of wine yourself to hopefully drown out the embarrassment you just gave yourself.

“As if I don’t see you being the first to like my posts, Holland.” You avoid eye contact and rather look around the room but Tom only focuses on you.

When you catch his eyes they’re sober, this whole time he was telling stories in a drunken state and now he looks at you with glossy soft eyes as if he wants to hear more.

“So you see me liking your posts?” He teases and you finally look at him.

“I see everyone liking my posts. Why do you follow me?” You challenge and he holds back a smirk.

“You’re friends with Z, why do you follow me?” He asks back and you feel yourself straighten.

“Z is friends with a lot of people, I don’t see you following all of them?” You argue and he falls back into the booth again with a soft chuckle.

“So not only do you follow me but you stalk me?” He teases and you groan.

“Not what I meant.” You see how much wine you have left, not a lot as your nerves filled you and the wine didn’t calm you. “You liked a fan edit of us a year ago. We’ve never met until a few days ago.” You rest your head on your hand that props itself up against the table. That’s what makes him lose his game, he turns a light shade of red before quickly straightening himself up.

“You’re talented, why don’t we see more of you?” He asks about your roles.

“You’re about to see everything in a few days.” You mumble and he chokes on his wine.

Page 281

*Beth removes her robe in front of Jack, slowly stalking towards him wearing the tight black lingerie* *she crawls on top of his sleepy figure and points a gun*

It was embarrassing that such a scene turned him on after finding out who it was with. After finding out it was you, he read over every single sex scene, strip scene, makeout scene to make sure everything was real.

“Oh relax.” You hold back a smile. “You’re the Method actor, remember?” You tease. He leans forward, he’s not sure how he’s gotten so confident but he takes your glass and drinks from it before setting it down.

“Yeah, I am. We should rehearse some things, get more comfortable.” He suggests and you look at him up and down. His lips slightly stained reddish pink from the wine, his skin damp from how hot the room was, and he looked at you as if no one else was in the room.

“And where should we start?” You swallow, you can’t get shy now. You’ve dreamt about this moment and now it’s happening.

“Well, if we’re starting with their meeting, I think it would go something like this.” He leans in and places a soft kiss on your neck. You’re frozen as his lips are soft and warm, he pulls back and realizes what he’s done. His thoughts of you, his crush on you, the warm alcohol that ran through his blood all while being in Italy got the best of him.

“I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done—“ he started and you leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to kiss lips. His eyes go wide softly as if he was a school boy getting his first kiss.

“More wine?” The waiter comes back and Tom snaps out of it for a split second.

“We’ll take the check.”

-

Your hands tangled in with his messy hair, his shirt already off as he was warm from the summer heat Italy provided. His lips trail down from your lips to your neck as he plays with the strings of the summer dress you wore.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” His words mumbled into your chest as he lets the shoulders of your dress fall.

“Why? You want to admit you have a crush on me now?” you teased and when he looks up his eyes are darker. The sweet chocolate puppy dog eyes before now darkened as his lips were swollen and his face was hot. His hands rest at your hips with a tight grip as he wants more.

“You admitted to stalking my interviews and who i follow so i should be asking you that question.” he teased and you rolled your eyes. Your Only respond by pushing his head back into your chest where he planted soft kisses trailing down.

“So soft,” he takes off the bra you wore. Hes thought about this moment but would never admit it. Hes thought about how soft your skin is and how you looked under his touch with his head in between your legs—

“Do something tom.” you groan as he is on his knees for you. Your dress bunched at your waist, all exposed for him as he takes off the black lace underwear you wore under the dress.

“All for me?” he asks and your head hits the back of the wall, your hands go to his hair and he kisses gently at your thigh. “Say something, darling.” darling, you think about the way he says that word. The simple nickname that made you melt. Darling, that was going to be the death of you.

“Y-yes!” you find the words. “I-I don’t think this is apart of the script though.” You still try and be playful and just below your eyes you can see he has a playful and cocky smirk.

“This,” his thumb rubs at your clit as he looks up. His lips cherry red and his smirk is full view to you as he sees your eyes flutter shut as your head was thrown back. “This is where I improve.” he replaces his thumb with his tongue as he pumps his middle finger in and out of you. Your hands grip his hair as you moan his name, his name that you thought of so many times before this in your dreams.

Your knees go weak as his one hand pins your hips against the wall and his other fingers thrusted in and out of you while his tongue works at your clit.

“Tommy!” The nickname slipped, you didn’t mean it but you imagined it sometimes long before you met him and just had a crush.

“Huh darling? Like that? Want to cum?” His words horse and his accent thicker. “That’s right...” he almost laughs as he can see how much you’re whimpering. “Cum for me.”

You fall under his touch with soft moans leaving your lips. The wave of euphoria washes over you and you struggle to open back up your eyes and come back to reality.

He comes back up to face you, this time you have a thin layer of sweat over your forehead and your chest rises as you catch your breath. You take Tom's fingers and take them into your mouth. Acting as if it were him in your mouth you work your tongue around his finger before taking them out with a pop.

His eyes stare and he almost winces at how hard he is. How hard you've made him.

“This is going to be the best damn movie i've ever filmed.” he nearly whispers as you bite down on your lip before pulling him back into your lips.

This was going to be the best six months of your life.

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[empower-bi-women]

Scene partners

Paring: Pedro Pascal / brown!reader 

Word count: 1809

Warnings: SMUT SO IF YOUR NOT 18+ KINDLY FUCK OFF, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), dirty talk, oral sex (f receving), age gap, edging? I’m not sure what else this is pretty tame compared to my other stuff. 

A/N: This is dedicated to my girl. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have been in this position. I hope this kills you! (Jk I love you didi)  As always feedback is greatly appreciated :) 

masterlist

“Ok that’s the last shot of the day!” the director called out. You moved from your spot on set to walk to your trailer. “Y/N,” your co-star Pedro called out for you. You sped up hoping to avoid talking to him today. You could not handle the way his brown eyes started into your soul as he talked and the way he bit his lip as he would shamelessly eye you up and down. Not right now, “Y/N wait up I want to talk to you for a second.” You could hear footsteps getting closer. Realizing that there's no way of getting out of this you slowed to a stop. “Hey you got headphones in or what.” Pedro smiled at you 

“Sorry I guess I'm just caught up in my thoughts. Got a lot going on.” You played with the hair tie on your wrist nervously. 

“You know you can always come and talk to me,” he grabbed your wrist gently and tilted your head up to look at him, “I’m always here to help you darling.” 

Your face flushed at the nickname. “I’m just a bit nervous for the scene tomorrow.”

“Well why don't you come home with me and I can help you work through it. I’ve done scenes like that so many times.”

You blinked at him. “Are you sure I wouldn’t want to intrude.” 

He smiled. “Y/N you wouldn’t be intruding. I'm asking you to come.” 

“Ok, that would be really helpful, thank you.” 

--------------------------------------------------------------

When you reached Pedro’s house he led you inside. Taking you to the living room he gestured for you to sit on the sofa next to him, but you sat on the chair across from him instead. He had an amused look on his face. “So you haven't prepped for this scene at all?” He asked.

Your face burned. “Well I'm not really experienced in that area so I wasn't sure what to do.” You whispered with your head down. 

“Listen, I remember how nervous I was for my first sex scene. Let me help you practice,” after seeing the blush that covered your brown skin, he added, “only if you want to of course.” 

“Yeah that would be good.”

He smiled, his eyes crinkled in the corners. “Ok sweetheart, let's get started then. We can take it slow and I’ll tell you all the basics, but first, why don't you come and sit next to me and tell me what you already know about it.” 

As you got up to move you pulled down your skirt and couldn't help but notice how his brown eyes raked over your body with a hungry look in them. Sitting down you played with the edges of your skirt and wouldn't look him in the eye. He brushed your hair behind your ear. 

“So at the start of the scene the characters are sitting just like we are, side by side, talking,” he picked up the script, “So I’ll be Jason and you be your character, Sabrina.” 

You nodded your head and took a deep breath before getting into character. “Jay I need you to understand that we need to set boundaries in our friendship. This ‘arrangement’ isn’t what normal friends do.” 

Pedro put his hand on top of yours and you couldn’t help but notice how his hand was so large it completely covered yours. His other hand turned your chin to look at him. Holding you still to look into his eyes he said, “I don't want boundaries I just want you.” He moved closer and closer to you, his eyes flickering at your lips, and stopped a mere centimeters away. You held your breath. 

He pulled back. “And that's where the kiss will start and the rest of the scene will follow, okay?” 

You took a deep breath and tried to shake the dark thoughts that plagued your mind. Just the idea of kissing him made your head spin. 

He rested his hand on your knee.  “Are you ok darling? You look a little out of it.” 

You shook your head. “I guess I'm just a little dehydrated from everything today.” 

“Let me go get you some water. I'll be right back ok?” He said, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear making you flush red. 

I need to pull myself together. You thought. There's no way anything would ever happen. He's so much older and I just need to be professional. Just talk and be professional. 

Your thoughts were interrupted when he came back with a glass of water as promised. When he sat down he sat closer than before and handed you the glass. 

“You need to drink at least half of that before we get back to work ok?” He said sternly.

“Ok.” You drank the water, fully aware of his eyes on you as you did so. As you put the glass down the energy in the room had changed. Everything was a little more tense. Pedro was silent before moving his hand to your knee. 

“You know I always thought you were so talented. The way you disappear into a role. But I think it's because you play characters that are like you. Such sweet girls.” His hand glided up your bare thigh to the hem of your skirt. “I never told you but I love it when you wear these skirts. You look so adorable. It makes me want to ruin you,” he growled in your ear, “if you let me take care of you darling, I can make you feel so good,” his hand ghosted over the front of your panties, “all you have to do is say yes.” He left wet kisses down from your ear to your neck. The only sound in the room was your breathing and his kisses. 

“Yes please.” Your voice was so quiet you weren't even sure he heard it until he purred ‘good girl’ in your ear as he picked you up and carried you to his bedroom. 

He lay you down on the bed before walking away to take his shirt and pants off. You sat up watching him with hungry eyes. He threw his clothes on the floor and crawled on the bed toward you. He hovered over your body and kissed your forehead sweetly before whispering in your ear. “I’m going to ruin that cute little pussy.” 

His voice sent shivers down your spine, he pulled your shirt off before kissing his way down your stomach. His fingers hooked around the top of your skirt and underwear, he tapped your hips and you lifted them so he could slide the material off your body. 

Throwing your clothes somewhere in the room, he wasted no time getting in between your legs. Leaving wet kisses down the inside of your thighs, sucking and biting, red marks appearing in his path. His scruff tickled your legs making you shiver in anticipation as he neared your core. Licking a long stripe up your pussy he dove in. He wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked. A loud moan escaped your mouth that you tried to muffle with your hands. He moved away from your pussy to pull your hands from covering your face. 

“Now princess I don't want to see you covering your face again. You be a good girl and let me hear every little sound you make.” He said with a stern look on his face. 

“Okay.”

“Good girl,” he growled before diving back in, this time slipping a finger in you, “so tight just around my finger.”

You whined and tried to move away, the feeling unfamiliar but Pedro held you in place. 

“You can't run away from me baby. We gotta open you up so you can fit around me right?” 

His finger sped up, hitting your g spot every time. Adding another finger in and his thumb rubbing your clit you were close in no time. 

Your loud moans bounced off the walls and you warned Pedro of your upcoming orgasm. You looked up at him, eyes wide as you begged him to let you come around his fingers. 

“Please, please let me cum I need it so bad!” Your legs thrashed on the sheets in frustration as he pulled his fingers out of you, licking your wetness off them. 

“No baby that’s not what you want,” he said in a condescending tone that made your pussy clench around air, “it’s gonna feel so much better to finally cum around me.” He pulled his pants down. “Don’t you want this?” He questioned you, gesturing down to his cock that was standing ridged at attention. 

You felt your wetness drip at the sight. “Yes.” 

He stroked your head lovingly. “Such a good, obedient girl for me. Now lie back.” 

He pushed your shoulders slightly so you reclined back into the soft pillows. His fingers intertwined with yours as he slowly pushed in. You could feel your walls gripping him tight. He let out a breath and hung his head. 

“Goddamn honey you feel so good around me.” He squeezed your hand as you whimpered. Finally his hips met yours and he stilled inside you, giving you a moment to adjust. You had never felt more full in your life. Every inch of you tingled with electricity. You squeezed his hand as a signal for him to move. He slowly pulled out slightly, only to thrust his hips against yours once more. When you moan in pleasure he took that as a sign to move slightly faster, the curve of his cock hitting your g spot every time. 

“Does that feel good baby?” He asked, sounding genuinely concerned. 

“Yes,” you gasped, “more please.” 

When you looked up at him with those big doe eyes, he lost it. Pistoning his hips in and out as fast as he could. You neared your high quicker than you would have liked. Whimpering and clawing at his back, Pedro knew exactly what you needed. His hand snaked down between your bodies to rub your clit in tight circles.  His lips went to your neck, marking you as his. All the while, never breaking pace. 

“Pedro please,” you whispered in his ear, your voice breaking, “I'm so close.”

“I know baby, me too just hang on one minute longer.” he kissed your forehead. 

When you couldn't hold out any longer you finally felt that white hot wave of pleasure wash over you as Pedro kept on moving his hips in and out, working you though your orgasm. 

He came soon after, you moaned at the feeling of being filled up. The two of you lay there in comfortable silence before Pedro spoke up. 

“I know this is a little backward but will you go on a date with me?” 

You laughed. “Yeah of course.” 

[evilwickedme]

ok so to sum up my feelings for leverage: redemption, season 1(a): (long post warning, there’s a tl;dr at the end)

I knew that Hardison wouldn’t be in most of the season due to Aldis Hodge being a busy bee nowadays, but I didn’t realize that meant he’d only be around for the first two episodes. He was sorely missed, not only because of my attachment to him, but also because he’s usually the grounding factor in the group dynamic, and his role as info guy and tech guy was split evenly between two characters who had their own issues.

That said, Hardison is absolutely a highlight of the two episodes he’s in. his speech about redemption was everything I could’ve hoped for (plus, more evidence for the Jewish!Hardison pile...). I wish we’d gotten to see more of his dynamic with Breanna because what we saw was funny and sweet and we don’t generally get to see Hardison taking care of somebody who so desperately needs taking care of. I hope that Aldis Hodge is around for more episodes in 1(b), because what we’re left with feels a little hollow.

Sticking to original leverage characters for now, for the most part the leverage crew still felt true to the original series as characters, even if the show itself was a little bit confused at times. The actors understand their characters and embody them so well that I think one could give them the trashiest script ever and they’d still sell it. Sophie is a particular focus in 1(a) because of Nate’s death, and she’s particularly well written as a result.

That said, I’m super bitter that we saw little to no mastermind!Parker. Parker’s character being given the mastermind role was a big deal and it feels like they’re walking it back because they feel uncomfortable with it. It is eventually given an in-text excuse, but literally in the last episode, and it was not a particularly convincing reason, and in fact contradicted moments from previous episodes (Sophie leaving for a client meeting and ignoring Parker in ep3 comes to mind). It’s frustrating, it makes the end of the original leverage feel pointless, and letting Parker make a decision once in a while is not the same thing at all. The original series repeatedly showed us that while everyone in the team had their strengths, Parker works problems and solves them in unique, interesting ways, and other characters’ days in the limelight tended to be comedic or even failures. It’s a broken promise, and a pretty major broken promise at that.

On a more positive note, Parker’s dynamic with literally everyone was fantastic. She’s possibly the best written character this season. They’ve taken the autism out of the subtext and into the text (although obviously still undiagnosed), and given her coping mechanisms that were taken seriously in the text even when they were played for laughs, which I appreciated. Her attempts to mentor Breanna were sweet, her friendship with Sophie was electric and at times (CRIMES) hilarious, and as usual, she has a fantastic dynamic with Eliot that makes my heart burst. If you don’t think they’re romantically involved, at least acknowledge there’s a life partnership here. They’ve spent the last decade together.

(We’ll get to Harry.)

Eliot isn’t given much arc-wise, which is frustrating since he’s my favorite. He’s being presented as the goal at the end of a redemption arc, ie to keep working at it every day until your soul heals or whatever, and it doesn’t reflect the message they’re trying to convey via Hardison’s speech and our two new characters. He’s got his moments, but I think they under utilized his potential.

Breanna!!! Breanna’s my new favorite, except for Eliot. She’s hilarious, she’s insecure, she’s nerdy and excited in a way that’s similar to Hardison but still distinct in its inherent teenage-girl-ness and I LOVE IT. Unlike the previous series, where Hardison’s “age of the geek” was often a joke played on Hardison, we’re at the point where Eliot and Parker are both right there with him, and so they accept and even appreciate Breanna’s nerdiness. Also, canon gay character? In YOUR Leverage? It’s more likely than you think.

(No, I never thought they’d make ot3 canon on screen. I hoped, but I didn’t think it would actually happen.)

I think Breanna’s the character that will be the most interesting to see grow. She’s got a lot of potential and a list of crimes a mile long (or more). I adore her with all my heart. I want to see her tiktok account.

Harry. Oh, Harry.

It took me a while, but I do like Harry. It took a while, because the narrative positioned him at the same level as Nate back in episode 1 of original Leverage. But in episode 1 we didn’t know the other characters. We had Nate as the POV character, and so we cared about him because we were seeing the world through his eyes. (This is TV Studies 101. I know this, because I took TV Studies 101 in 2019.) In Leverage: Redemption, we no longer have a POV character, for several reasons:

Nate, previously the POV character, is dead.

As it is, by mid-season 3 of leverage Nate was no longer a POV character. This is, coincidentally, the point where the leverage writers realized they had four other characters in the main cast they could do something with, and in-universe, Nate accepted that he was a thief, not a special Good Man.

Sophie is sort of a POV character for the first episode of the revival, but only for the first few minutes. Afterwards, the series settles into the groove of seasons 3-5, i.e., the entire crew is our POV. We know our crew, and we love them as is.

Narratively, however, Redemption insists on positing Harry as the POV character, because it is his redemption we are pursuing most vehemently. And I think they really relied on us already knowing the actor - I’ve never seen him in anything before, so to me he was a completely fresh face and they put almost no effort into selling him to me. Beyond being competent and consistently mildly baffled by the antics of the leverage crew, I honestly don’t know who this man is by the end of EIGHT episodes with him. I have a much better handle on Breanna by the end of 1(a), and I can tell you I knew all five of the original leverage crew better by the end of the first episode of the original series than I do Harry. What’s the name of his daughter, John Rogers. Is he still married. How old is the daughter. Why is none of this worth mentioning. Give him a sense of humor that isn’t reacting to other people’s shenanigans. I’m so frustrated. It’s bad writing.

I did manage to grow to like Harry by the end, but I’m pretty sure this is down to Noah Wyle’s charismatic portrayal of an under-developed character, at least partially. And I never stopped being frustrated at not knowing who this man is at all.

The two highlights of the season are undoubtedly episodes five and six. Episode five was the first time I felt like the episode was more than a collection of good moments between the main cast and mediocre moments between the main cast and also the main plot. The issues with pacing and tone that I suffered through for most of the season were mostly non-existent in ep5 and 6, and at least in episode 5 I attribute that to the pared down cast. They had time to focus not only on our actual characters - Sophie, Parker, Breanna - but also on the case. This is the only client from 1(a) I am going to remember next week without googling it first, mark my words.

Episode six worked for the exact opposite reason - it completely disregarded the client and plot and immersed itself in the characters. Breanna gets a moment to shine, but everybody else gets their bits and I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the script that was most fun to write. The characters felt natural, real, and captured the found-family dynamic that’s been missing all season for the first time.

While episode 2 is the weakest episode, I don’t actually have much to say about it. I am disappointed in episode 8. For a mid-season finale, I really expected them to do something. Instead, it was an episode about Nate Ford that copped out of being about Nate Ford (both with fake-Nate and with the new version of him being relayed to us). I would have told the writers to give that energy back to episode 1 and write an episode that’s about anybody who isn’t Harry, oh my God. I know I said I grew to like him but so many episodes were about Harry. He’s the newbie! Why didn’t Hardison get an episode that was actually about him, considering he was only around for two episodes? Why does Eliot have to be the butt of the joke when the theme of the series should directly tie back to him in a much more meaningful way? The last episode parodies their own tagline by saying Eliot isn’t just a hitter, but it deftly avoids noticing that they’ve turned him into nothing more than very muscly comic relief, including in that very episode!

Also, I hated the Marshal. Eliot actively looked uncomfortable around her.

tl;dr

The season took a while, that’s definitely true. But it did find its footing eventually, and by the halfway mark of 1(a) it finally felt cohesive again. The characters were played fantastically even when they weren’t well-written, and if nothing else, the humor landed every time. It still has its kinks and problems to work out, but if you look at it as a brand new show rather than a continuation of one that went off the air over eight years ago, it’s actually doing rather well. I’m choosing to judge it in both lights - according to its own standards, it establishes its identity in episode five; according to Leverage standards, it establishes its connection to its roots in episode six. Either way, I thoroughly enjoyed 1(a), and continue to have high hopes for 1(b).

fic writing will commence in three, two, one...

[workmaninprogress]

Forewarning, this is a long post. I tried to pare it down but couldn’t.

I don’t know how to do a page break thing on this app, so y’all will just have to scroll.

Sorry not sorry (I am a little sorry).

Four years ago, I had my first testosterone prescription in my hand.

I remember the day clearly. At the time, I was seeing an endo 2 hours away. A few of my friends also saw him, so I had been to that office multiple times as fun group trips.

When it came down to it being my turn to go on hormones, I drove myself by myself. I’m not sure how I felt about the solitary aspect of it at that moment. I was probably bummed that my friend’s class schedule didn’t fit in my favor, but I doubt I was too concerned about it.

Though, I think, even without fully realizing it, I was gearing up for my transition to be done in solitude.

As I started to research medical transitioning, I kept finding people going through the same journey. I was watching them as they were having “goodbye boobies” cakes and “man-niversary” parties. Pre-transition me was so excited for all of that. I wanted that camaraderie—those celebrations.

I had this grand idea that I’d meet a girl that cared deeply enough to be around for every shot and kiss me after I put the bandaid on. Or that I’d have the group of friends where we all celebrated each other’s milestones together.

But that’s not what happened. Instead, I met a girl, and for nearly four years, I felt like a compromise. Like my transition was in the way of what she wanted. She didn’t care to watch me jab a needle in my leg. She didn’t treat my scars with kindness. She cared that I was “hot” and that I was “the best of both worlds.” I thought it was a compliment, it wasn’t.

While prepping for top surgery, I struggled to find someone to go to Florida with me. I wanted a couple of friends to share the experience with; help make it fun instead of only focused on recovery.

I watched many people go through their transition with friends loving on them. But when it was my turn, it felt like it was a challenge to find people who could be around.

Those moments were hard. I felt like I wasn’t as worthy as the others who were surrounded by loved ones. Quite frankly, I was bitter and jealous.

I’ve moved past those feelings since then. I'm able to acknowledge that schedules, work, and money all played a factor, but when you hear ”you’re just asking way too much,” then you start to feel like your existence is too much. And that hurts.

Thankfully, I did have people to support me (my mom & a friend) during that trip.

Because I DO have plenty of support, even if I’m stubborn and put up a wall, making myself feel like no one is around, I have people that love on me and care for me.

I don’t want to come off as ungrateful or like I’m bashing my friends.

I know they care; I know I’m not a burden to them.

I just never expected my transition to feel so lonely, and some days that thought hits too hard.

I had friends around for my first shot, the first time I shaved my face, and the days we spent filming a silly coming out video. Those moments of camaraderie have existed in my life. They’re few and far between, and I’m positive I’ve forgotten about a lot of them. But they have existed, and I’m grateful for them.

There are just so many times that I wish this wasn’t such a lonely process.

For the most part, I emptied my top surgery drains myself. I peeled off the incision tape myself. I do my shots alone in my bedroom. I take the progress photos of myself.

Some days it’s an empowering feeling, like “look at all I’ve accomplished on my own,” other days, the silence cuts deep.

What I’ve learned over my four years since getting my first ‘script is that transitioning isn’t a team sport. It’s you working your ass off day and night to reach the goals you’ve set for yourself.

And sometimes, that means it gets ridiculously lonely.

Your experience may differ from mine; in fact, it probably does. You may have someone with you for every shot. You may have someone who emptied your drains and tucked your post-surgery-drugged ass into bed.

Maybe you’re in more solitude than I am. Perhaps you’ve gone through every single part of this journey as a solo tour.

Maybe you’ve experienced a bit of both with people that have come in and out of your life over the years.

There’s no wrong way to go through this process. We’re all just as strong for sticking around and sticking needles in our butts whether there are people by our sides or not.

When I posted the photo of that prescription in my hand, my golden ticket, I said, “This is only the beginning. There is so much more to come.”

And I still believe it.

Four years later, I’ve become more cynical and perhaps bitter towards my transition, but there truly is so much more left to discover.

Now that I’ve gotten that rant out of the way (it’s one I’ve been deciding whether or not to post), I acknowledge that I do have great friends. And a great family. I have people in my life that are so utterly proud and aren’t afraid to say it. I’m grateful for all those that have been by my side. Truly.

Sometimes my walls get in the way and make things lonelier than they need to be, so I’ll work on it.

If you’re feeling lonely in your transition right now, as weird as this sounds, you’re not alone in those feelings. Even if you have the most supportive people next to you, it’s still okay to feel lonely. You don’t have to feel guilty about it.

That’s the main reason I’ve written these thoughts out; because they’re confusing and often conflicting.

I have had a hard time letting myself feel lonely without an overwhelming sense of guilt about it.

I wanted to share these thoughts for those of you that are in the same head space.

It’s nice knowing that I have accomplished so much of my transition myself. I feel stronger because of it. I’ve come a long way in the four years since that solo drive, and will forever be thankful and proud.

Just as I will be forever proud and thankful for those who have been by my side during the journey.

I really do appreciate you all.

[juju-on-that-yeet]

Fall From Grace

Whumptober Day 28: Such Wow. Many Normal. Very Oops. Prompt: Accidents

A careless bullet from Wilford's gun hits Yandere as he's up in the studio catwalks, and what happens next reminds Wilford too much of memories long-buried.

Warnings: Blood, violence, falling from a height, traumatic flashbacks

Read on AO3 (Full Whumptober Series)

Enjoy!

~

It’s a normal day in Wilford’s studio, though it’s not a filming day. The usual players are around; Bim and Wilford half-rehearsing, half-editing a script while the Jims scamper around in the catwalks, as they often do. This time, though, Yandere is with them, venturing through the dark space and running across beams. Wilford hasn’t heard much from the trio since they went up there aside from occasional bursts of giggles, so he suspects they’re getting along well. A nice change, as the Jims usually seem a little frightened of Yandere, for reasons Wilford can’t fathom at all. Who could be scared of his adorable, stabby little brother? Either way, the three seem to be having fun together now, which is more than could be said for Bim and Wilford. The script felt right when they first wrote it, but its chinks and mistakes are making themselves known as they rehearse it, resulting in edit after edit.

“Ugh, this blasted script!” Wilford mutters, pacing in annoyance. At some point he pulled out his gun in anger, though he’s now only using it to scratch an itch behind his ear. “I thought you knew what you were doing with this, Trimmer!”

“Hey, how is my fault!?” Bim cries, “You wrote on this as much as I did, and we’ve corrected plenty of your mistakes so far, by the way.”

“Plenty of yours, too!” Wilford insists. He waves the manuscript for emphasis. “You keep using too many words to say the simplest things! Real people don’t talk like that!”

“And you insist on paring down everything until it doesn’t make sense!” Bim retorts, “We have to give people something, or else they’ll get bored!”

“And your long-winded lines won’t bore them just as much?” Wilford scoffs, “If anyone in the room knows about entertaining, I think it’s the face of Mark’s whole channel, don’t you?”

“I look more like Mark than you ever did, you egomaniac!” Bim cries, then blinks. “That’s not the point, the point is that your lines suck and we’re gonna be fixing them all day!”

“Maybe once we fix yours!”

“Yours first, Pinky!”

The argument continues. Even Yandere and the Jims can hear them from the catwalks. The Jims are amused, Yandere is bewildered.

“Do they always argue like that?” Yandere asks, peering as far down as he can without losing his balance.

“Yep,” RJ replies, “They yell and yell, and sometimes Pink Jim fires his shooty, but they always work together later like nothing happened!”

“Huh,” Yandere muses, standing up straight again, “I can see that. Anyone else arguing with onii-san like that would’ve been shot by now.”

“PJ looks like he’s going to shoot something soon,” CJ signs, before literally pointing out the way Wilford is waving his gun around.

“Oh, maybe I spoke too soon,” Yandere says, though he seems unbothered by the prospect of Bim getting shot.

“Pink Jim never shoots Bim Jim!” RJ exclaims, then pauses. “Well, not on purpose. He’ll probably fire into the ceiling or something.”

True to form, Wilford aimlessly fires his gun right then, straight over his shoulder and into the catwalks – where it whizzes right past the group. CJ yelps and jumps, and RJ looks behind himself, searching for where the bullet went.

“That was close!” RJ says, “Right, Stabby Jim?” He gets no response, but hears a gasp from CJ. “Stabby Jim?” he repeats, turning to look at Yandere.

Yandere looks back, eyes wide, hands over his stomach, blood seeping rapidly through his fingers. He lists to the side, tries to step back to right himself. But his foot touches air, and he slides off the catwalk beam before the Jims can even reach for him.

They do anyway, though, crying out as Yandere falls straight down.

Bim and Wilford hear them, look in their direction with just enough time to see Yandere hit the ground with a thud, right on his back. He doesn’t get up.

“Oh, fuck–” gasps Bim, running past Wilford to get to Yandere. Wilford teleports instead, poofing to Yandere’s side.

“What on earth??” Wilford mutters, “Yan’s balance is better then mine–”

“Wil, he’s bleeding!” Bim shouts, kneeling down to Yandere, “When you fired your gun just now, it must’ve hit him, that must be why he fell! Oh shit, fuck, Yan, wake up–”

Yandere doesn’t. He lays motionless, eyes closed and limbs strewn like a doll aside from the one arm still laid across his bleeding stomach. Blood starts forming a pool around him. Wilford stares at Yandere, eyes getting wider by the moment as Bim frantically putters around him. He tries checking Yandere’s breathing, as much as he can without moving him.

“Oh no, Wil, I don’t think he’s breathing,” Bim gasps, looking to Wilford. “What are you waiting for, go get Doc! You can teleport faster than I can run!!”

Wilford can’t move. He can hardly think, except to remember something half-forgotten. Another body fallen from a height, another body with Wilford’s bullet in its gut. Everything feels like slow-motion, even as the pool of blood around Yandere creeps ever wider.

“It was an accident,” Wilford gasps. It’s all he can say.

Bim’s eyes widen with recognition as the Jims, having finally climbed down from the catwalk, run towards the group.

“We tried to catch him, we tried!” RJ exclaims, already in tears. CJ is crying, too.

“You can still help out,” Bim says, resolute and taking charge, “You two are the fastest runners here, go get Doc. Tell him what happened and that Yandere isn’t breathing.”

They nod before running away, so gangly it’s a wonder they don’t trip over themselves. But Bim’s right, the pair are faster runners than all but the androids. Dr. Iplier will arrive soon, but in the meantime, Yandere’s not the only one in trouble. Wilford is still frozen, still staring at Yandere with wide eyes, clouded over by the past. Ever since those videos Mark put out, all the egos have known about Wilford’s history, and Bim knows exactly what Wilford is thinking about now.

“Wilford,” Bim says, turning to his friend, “You need to get out of your own head. Where are you right now, can you tell me?”

“Was it my fault?” Wilford asks, voice small, accent nearly gone.

“No,” Bim replies immediately, “You didn’t know that would happen when you fired your gun, it was an accident.”

“An accident,” Wilford breathes, “An accident, that’s all it was…”

At that moment, Dr. Iplier comes running in, medical supplies in his arms.

“Doc!” Bim cries, relieved, “Oh thank god, where–”

“Back away!!” Dr. Iplier barks, rushing to Yandere’s side and dumping his supplies beside him. Bim scrambles away to give him space to work. “The Jims are getting Plus, I already know I’ll need his help with this.”

“Is Yandere–?” Bim asks, nervous.

Dr. Iplier checks Yandere’s pulse with two fingers on the nearest wrist, which happens to be the one covering his bloody stomach, and then leans down to listen for his breathing. After only a moment, he straightens up.

“Oh, no you don’t,” he mutters as he starts chest compressions, “I haven’t done a hundred surgeries on you just so you could fall off a catwalk and die.”

“What if his back is broken?” Bim asks, wincing at the force of Dr. Iplier’s chest compressions.

“His breathing is more important than his back right now,” Dr. Iplier answers tersely, though he does pull Yandere’s lower jaw down to give him rescue breaths instead of tipping his head back.

He does one round of compressions and rescue breathing, then two. The whole time, Bim looks on with increasing anxiety, whimpering to himself in fear. Wilford continues to stare, the only change being the tears that start rolling down his cheeks. His mind is trapped in the past, back in those hours he spent staring at a body that wouldn’t move.

Finally, in the middle of the third round of compressions, Yandere gasps awake, coughing slightly and beginning to struggle. He doesn’t seem able to speak yet, still so winded and in pain he hardly knows what’s happening around him.

“Hey, lay still, Yan,” Dr. Iplier orders, though a measure of tension has left his voice and demeanor. “You fell off the catwalk, you might have a spinal injury. Can you wiggle your fingers for me?”

Yandere does, curling them back and forth.

“Alright, how about your toes?”

It’s hard to see through Yandere’s shoes, but he does move his toes. Dr. Iplier gently puts his hand on each shoe, one at a time, to feel the toes moving underneath.

“Alright,” Dr. Iplier sighs, even more relieved than a moment ago, “You have no idea how lucky you are, kid.”

“So his spine’s okay?” Bim asks, breathless with his own relief.

“Probably,” Dr. Iplier says, “But he could still have some fractured vertebrae, so he needs to be moved very carefully. I won’t do it until Plus gets here.” The sound of running footsteps pierces the air. “Speaking of…”

Plus strides into the room at top speed, pushing a stretcher with a backboard on top. CJ comes running in after him.

“Where’s RJ?” asks Bim, finally getting some breath back.

“We split up to look for Plus,” CJ explains, “I’m not sure where he went, but I’ll text him that I found Plus already.”

“Plus, help me get Yan onto the backboard,” Dr. Iplier says. Plus nods and gets to work. Dr. Iplier pauses a moment. “Looks like I need a third pair of hands. Bim, come over here.”

“Me?” Bim asks as he comes over.

“Someone has to put pressure on Yan’s bullet wound, it’s been bleeding too long already.” Dr. Iplier grabs a pack of gauze out of his med kit and hands it to Bim as he kneels down. He moves Yandere’s arm out of the way, revealing the wound. “Just keep pressing down on it with the gauze. If the gauze gets soaked through, tell me.”

Bim nods and starts putting pressure on Yandere’s wound, making Yandere whimper.

“Dad,” Yandere says, his first word since waking.

“You’ll be alright, hon,” Dr. Iplier tells him gently as he and Plus strap Yandere to the backboard and Bim keeps his hands pushing down. “Just keep staying still, alright?”

“Okay,” Yandere answers, too tired to do much else.

“Alright, he’ll be okay,” Bim sighs to himself.

“Doc,” Wilford gasps, speaking for the first time in a while, “Is it my fault?”

“Well…” Dr. Iplier says, unwilling to say “no.”

“What the hell, Doc!?” Bim cries, angry on Wilford’s behalf.

“Excuse me for not being very forgiving to the guy who shot my son and made him fall off a catwalk!!” Dr. Iplier snaps, beginning to wrap a cervical collar around Yandere’s neck. “It’s a miracle Yandere isn’t paralyzed, it’s a miracle he’s alive at all! So sorry for not pretending this wasn’t Wilford’s fault. I’ve told him a hundred times to be more careful with that gun.”

“I’m sorry,” Wilford murmurs, so quiet it’s hard to hear.

“That’s my line,” Dr. Iplier mutters, though most of the venom is gone from his voice as he focuses on Yandere.

Perhaps fortunately, Wilford doesn’t react. He’s still too shell-shocked to do much at all. Now his mind conjures memories of the dead body on the floor rising from the grave, getting back up and wandering to a mirror. The mirror cracked, and Wilford had, too. Not even in his nightmares has the image been as clear as it is now, watching Yandere get strapped to the backboard and a cervical collar get wrapped around his neck, hearing his voice. Yandere’s eyes land on Wilford, and he tries to smile reassuringly through his pain and blood loss. It makes Wilford move for the first time in minutes, but only to take a nervous step back. All he can see is a once-dead thing, moving with new, cursed life.

As if on cue, a burst of wind rushes through the studio as Darkiplier appears in the room with RJ beside him, who looks like he’s about to have a heart attack. And no wonder; Dark’s face is a picture of rage, but the screams and waving of his aura betray his inner fear. RJ must have ran into him while looking for Plus.

“What the hell happened to Yandere??” Dark growls.

“He got hit by a stray bullet while he was up in the catwalks,” Dr. Iplier explains, grabbing the backboard behind Yandere’s head as Plus does the same by his feet. “You’ve missed all the action, we’re just getting Yan to the clinic. He’s not paralyzed, luckily, and his time looks pretty decent for what he’s just been through.” He turns away from Dark to address Plus and Bim. “On three, Plus is lifting with me, and Bim, you’re following along and keeping the pressure on Yan’s wound. One, two, three–”

Plus follows effortlessly and Bim follows less so, but Yandere gets on the stretcher easily.

“Alright, Plus, you push Yan to the clinic, and I’ll take bullet wound duty from Bim,” Dr. Iplier says, stepping around the stretcher to stand in Bim’s place. Bim doesn’t need to be told twice, moving out of the way quickly. “He still needs x-rays and surgery,” Dr. Iplier tells Dark, “So you can’t have a moment with him yet.”

“Yami,” Yandere says, smiling faintly, seemingly too out of it to say much else.

“You’re alright, my love,” Dark murmurs to him, “I’ll see you soon.” He nods to Dr. Iplier, and he and Plus whisk Yandere away.

Left in the studio are Bim, the nervous Jim twins crowding around him, Dark staring after Yandere, and Wilford now staring at nothing. A moment later, Dark turns back to the others and sees the look on Wilford’s face. He sighs.

“How long has Wilford been like this?” he asks Bim.

“Since he realized he shot Yan by accident,” Bim answers, bracing for Dark to react badly.

Instead, Dark only sighs again. He understands immediately.

“You and the Jims go,” Dark says, waving them off, “I’ll deal with this.”

Bim is reluctant to leave Wilford in such a bad state, but he does, ushering the Jims out of the studio with him. Once they’re gone, Dark turns to Wilford, putting his hands on his shoulders. The touch makes Wilford jolt. He finally looks up at Dark, eyes churning with emotion.

“Is it my fault?” he asks.

“Does it matter?” Dark counters, though his voice is gentle. “What happened has happened, it can’t be changed.”

“It can’t be changed,” Wilford repeats.

“But this isn’t like last time,” Dark continues, “Yandere survived. He’s going to be fine.”

There’s a silence as Wilford contemplates this.

“It’s too much to ask for forgiveness,” he finally murmurs, “It’s hard to even remember all that I’ve done.”

“What happened to Yandere happened minutes ago,” Dark reminds him, “Your memory isn’t that bad yet, my friend.”

Wilford smiles a little. His eyes look a little clearer, there’s a little more color in his cheeks. But a part of him is still far away.

“If it was my fault or not, I still…” Wilford trails off, as though he isn’t sure what he’s trying to say.

“This was ignorance and bad luck,” Dark tells him, “This wasn’t malice. Intent does matter.” He lets his heretofore stern tone drop into something softer. “You know how much Yandere loves you; even if you had killed him he’d still find some way to forgive you.”

Wilford laughs, quiet and surprised but genuine all the same. The last of the cloud leaves his eyes and his expression.

“Right you are, my friend,” Wilford chuckles, his accent fully returned. He blinks, looks around. “Say, where’s Bim? We still have a script to go over!”

“He left,” Dark says, taking his hands away from Wilford’s shoulders, “I doubt he’ll be in the mood to edit a script after all the…excitement.”

“Well, he’ll just have to deal with it,” Wilford huffs, though his tone is good-natured as he brushes past Dark. “We have a deadline to meet, and we’re burning daylight! He can’t have gone far…”

Dark watches Wilford leave the studio. Once he’s gone, he allows himself some sadness, lets his aura shudder and scream like it’s wanted to the whole time. After a few moments, he gains control of himself again and teleports away to the clinic to wait for Yandere, leaving the studio empty.

[bettsfic]

Hi! Do you have any advice about how to reveal things about a character's past - particularly Big things, like trauma or otherwise defining moments - without either a) hitting the audience over the head in a big exposition dump, or b) hiding key info to the point where it's a Mystery to an annoying degree? I love stories where a character's behavior is somewhat of an enigma until you learn something important about them, but I don't know how to actually do that myself, esp for the pov character.

oh man what a great question! i think about this all the time. so much of writing boils down to when to reveal information. revealing information early in the story offers context, character development, and raises the stakes. late in the story, it illuminates all that came before it and casts the story in a new light.

there is so much writing advice out there that’s like “cut the backstory! nobody cares about backstory!”

but let me tell you, i’m always a slut for a good backstory. anti-backstory people are the same ones who hated the movie Solo because “we didn’t need to know more about han, he was already a good character on his own!” i read so many bad takes to that effect, and i kept thinking, excuse you! *i* want to know more about han solo!! i want information that will change and deepen my perspective of a trilogy i’ve seen a thousand times so i might go back and watch it again with new eyes!!

anyway. i’ve also been reading danmei, specifically mxtx, who is truly a galaxy brained writer when it comes to backstory. she completely changed my perspective on what it looks like to weave together a vast and complicated story structure. i remember watching the Untamed, deeply irritated by the 30-episode backstory, thinking about what poor writing it was and how if i could get my hands on the script, i’d pare it down and weave it in more thoroughly. 

but then! by the end of the flashback, i was sobbing!! me! crying! over media! and i thought, i’ve had this reaction to a story maybe only a handful of times in my entire life? maybe instead of judging this for not meeting my (extremely western and strict) standards of a “good story” i should be listening to what it’s teaching me?

i honestly think i’ve learned more about writing from mxtx than my entire first semester of a cw phd. 

now onto the actual advice:

in the first draft, let the backstory unveil itself to you naturally without concerning yourself with where information should go.

if you’re not used to writing multiple drafts, this might be difficult. but if you have a complicated past timeline that affects the present timeline, it’s nearly impossible to do it all in one go. you need at least one draft to get it all down, and another draft to put it in the right order. most of the revision process, i’ve found, is putting things in their right place. the creative brain is not an orderly thing, even for those of us who plan meticulously.

while you’re drafting, you’ll find natural pockets where contextual information should go. follow the paths that open for you. if you get to a point where a character is thinking about a certain moment in their past, go into what happened right then and there. you can always move it later, or expand on it, or cut it. but it’s important to see those cues and respond to them the very second you’re inspired to do so.

note, this is the same for nonfiction! if you’re writing a memoir or personal essay, memories will trigger other memories, and the more you allow yourself to follow those paths, the easier it is to see the patterns that emerge. you have to let your stories tell themselves to you. 

okay so let’s say you’ve done all that. the past events are all there, but it’s awkwardly placed/you just don’t like where it is. how do you find where it goes?

unfortunately i can’t tell you where backstory/contextual information should always go or how it should be placed there. but i can tell you what certain positioning does to a narrative, so you can make a more confident decision.

i can go on at length about the movement of time in a story, but i want to keep this narrowed down to the basic premise that you have a present timeline that is informed by past events, and the present timeline is the main story. (there are many other ways to navigate time, but i’m defaulting to this setup because it’s what anon is asking, and also probably the most common.)

in your present timeline, you have plot points, moments where A Thing Happens. i’ll call these moments “events.” likely, you’ve established the stakes of these events as well as their consequences. if your past timeline (stuff that occurs before your story begins) informs these events, your first choice is whether or not you want to put them before an event or after it.

if you put the backstory prior to the event, you contextualize and add depth as or before the event unfolds. this option is good for romances, adventure stories, any narrative where the tension derives from a gradual increase in stakes, and the conflict is built by an opposing force like an antagonist. 

if you put the backstory after, you illuminate the event and cast it in a new light. this might be a twist or reveal, which is good for mysteries, thrillers, or stories where the tension comes from the unveiling of information in order to answer a question the story poses. 

and you can also have a bit of both! maybe you want to tease out some information and reveal some later, or have the past and present run parallel. maybe you want to begin the backstory, cut it short, the event happens, and then you complete the backstory. this method might be good for stories where the present timeline has lower stakes than the past timeline, like recovery narratives.

once you’ve decided before/after/during, the next major decision is whether you want to thread the past into the present via summary (indirect discourse), or if you want discrete, in-scene flashbacks (direct discourse). obviously you can also do a bit of both!

i think this decision will likely depend on your narrator. sometimes a well-written 3-sentence summary is more evocative than a 3-page detailed flashback, especially if the past timeline is a composite memory. that is to say, it’s not a single event that happens, but a series of them, like if you have a memory of always eating a bologna sandwich after school, your brain compiles that into a single memory even though you know you did it a thousand times. 

but sometimes, if a past moment is really important, the 3-page detailed flashback is necessary. sometimes you’ll begin with summary and move into a scene and back out. when it comes to backstories, don’t be afraid to play around with discourse. how does the style and tone change when you summarize a conversation versus when you write it in actual dialogue? personally i’ve found that less is more when it comes to backstories so I err toward summary, at least in my own writing, but as a reader i appreciate each kind of approach. 

lastly and most importantly, get a beta reader and ask them specifically about their experience reading the backstory. here you want descriptive feedback. you’re not asking “what should i do? how do i fix this?” you’re asking, “how did you feel while reading it?” and that will tell you how to approach revision. sometimes i write a backstory that i think is a slam dunk, because i’m already invested in the characters, but i get reader feedback saying it’s boring/they were inclined to skip over it. sometimes i’m like, “haha good, be miserable and bored, you’ll thank me later.” and sometimes i’m like, “dammit fine” and kill my darlings.

on that note, sometimes you just have to own it, and bore/confuse your reader because you know the eventual payoff is good enough. if the info dump is the best/easiest/clearest method, do it. if teasing a backstory out slowly is what you’re going for, don’t be afraid to make the reader want to throttle you. you don’t write to buy into your reader’s expectations; nor do you write specifically to defy those expectations. you write to honor the story you want to tell, and you place contextual information that is most complementary to the narration you’ve chosen. 

[songtoyou]

PRomance - Part One

Paring: Chris Evans x Famous Reader

Rating: PG

Word Count: 1,436

Warnings: Slight mention and jabs at Hiddleswift.

Description: Chris needs some good press. He convinces one of his closest friends to partake in a PRomance. 

A/N: This idea came to me one night. It is pure fiction as I do not know what Chris believes when it comes to politics and policy issues. 

I do not permit my work to be to be posted on any other site without my permission.

Note: Updated for grammar and punctuation edits.

When it comes to overseeing a celeb’s image, implementing public relation arrangements can help manage the release and spread of information about a celebrity. Establishing a “PROmance” with another star is not about love but creating a higher and stronger profile towards the media and public. However, one has to be careful when entering into at PROmance. Fans and the media will be able to detect if it is all for show. The key to any successful PROmance is not to overplay or underplay one’s hand. Just look at how bad Hiddleswift turned out. While that pair made a lot of sense on paper, the way the two went about their “coupling” was too public and too staged. There was no balance when it came to Hiddleswift. They were also in your face with the paparazzi catching their first kiss, to meeting the parents, along with their romantic getaway to Rome. Does anyone remember the 4th of July pics at Taylor’s Rhode Island beach home? Tom still is not able to live that down with his ‘I Heart TS’ tank top.

If Chris were to partake in a PROmance, he and his team would have to make sure there would be no cracks showing. Chris was no stranger to using PR to help provide a cleaner image for himself. Thankfully, being attached to Marvel and Captain America had improved his image. He was no longer viewed as the playboy who got kicked out of a club. Now Chris was considered “family-friendly.”

On the one hand, Chris was excited to move on to the next chapter of his career. On the other hand, with his Marvel contracted complete, Chris no longer had the cushion of the company’s PR machine. He still had so much to do and achieve in his life. Chris always liked his freedom and being able to come and go whenever and wherever he pleased.

Since the beginning of his new venture with A Starting Point, Chris was able to garner press for the project, particularly about which politicians he interviewed for the website. When certain politicians posted pictures on their social media with Chris, some fans were upset. They did not like that Chris was giving politicians like Senators Ted Cruz and Marsha Blackburn or Congressman Dan Crenshaw publicity and allowing them to share their ultra-right-wing policies. Chris was getting called out left and right on Twitter. He was worried ASP was already in jeopardy before people had the chance to see what the website was supposed to accomplish. The backlash was pretty harsh that not even a cute picture of Dodge could help calm the storm.

Chris knew partaking in a PROmance was a quick way to divert the negative attention he received onto something else for fans to focus on and talk about on social media. With his PR representative, Megan, at his side, the two looked over a list of potential actresses willing to partake in this arrangement.

“It’s too bad Ana is already in a PR relationship with Affleck,” Chris teased. “She’d been a good choice since I already know her. Plus, we had surprisingly good chemistry on the press tour for Knives Out.”

“Yeah, Ana would have been a good pick. But what about her?” suggested Megan as she held up a picture of Lily James. “She’s pretty and played Cinderella in the live-action version. You’d have yourself a Disney princess. Captain America and Cinderella. The headlines practically write themselves.”

Chris thought about it as he looked at Lily’s picture. She was pretty but did not know anything about her. It was too much of a gamble to start a PR relationship with someone he did not know.

“In this day and age of social media, fans want something that comes off more transparent and honest. I don’t know this girl, and the fans will see right through it as they did with Lily Collins. Plus, another Lily? Really? No, I need someone who the fans are used to being around me and who won’t hassle her or make her feel intimidated. She needs to have a higher profile than me. That way, fans won’t accuse her of using me for fame. I think I have to go with Y/N.”

“Y/N! Really? Do you honestly think she would accept? She doesn’t normally do PROmances. Plus, you guys are close friends. Wouldn’t it be weird?” asked Megan.

“No, it shouldn’t be weird. Why would it be weird? Some fans ship us together.”

“It’s just… you two…have always had this ‘will they, won’t they’ vibe. It is weird how you would want to pursue a PROmance with Y/N and not a true romance. Am I wrong?” Megan raised another question.

“You aren’t wrong. But Y/N is one of my best friends. I know she will be there for me if I need and for this situation, I need her. I can make the call to Y/N personally,” Chris suggested, to which Megan agreed. She was not going to press the issue of her client’s harboring feelings for one of his closest friends.

But for Chris, this was business, and Y/N would understand. He sent her a quick text asking if she was available to FaceTime him. When a message from Y/N popped, Chris accepted.

“Hey, what’s up?” you asked him.

“Hi. Nothing much. I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing.”

“Everything is going well. I have been busy with the talk show, which has been amazing. I’m surprised it has been a pretty easy transition from scripted television to the new daytime talk show host on the scene,” you shared with Chris.

He was not surprised that you were succeeding in your new venture. You had a personality that was likable and relatable. People enjoyed watching you. That was why you had been successful for so many years.

 “How about you? How are you holding up?” you asked, and Chris could not hold back his sigh.

“Oh…I’m doing alright.”

“What’s with that sigh?”

“Look, I am going to propose something to you, and…first and foremost…please know that I love and respect you. I would never pressure you to do anything you aren’t comfortable doing. But please know that what I am about to ask is because I desperately need your help,” Chris explained.

You felt your stomach drop at how sullen Chris was being. Your mind went straight to the worse scenario.

“Chris,” you spoke up and added, “Is Everything okay? You’re not like, sick, are you? You don’t need a kidney or anything, right?”

“What! No!” Chris then barked out a laugh. “I’m not dying, Y/N. Good Lord! Your mind sometimes…”

“Well, freaking eh man. You scared me there for a second,” you laughed. You were glad that it was not anything too serious.

“Okay, I’m just going to say it,” Chris began and quickly added, “I need you to partake in a…PROmance with me.”

There was a blank look on your face.

“First of all, what the hell is a PROmance?” you inquired skeptically.

“PROmance…it’s an amalgamation of PR and romance,” Chris clarified.

“Okay. Second, why are you still doing the PR dating bullshit? They never end up well. Hello, do I need to remind you of Hiddleswift.”

“Y/N, I would not ask you for this if I didn’t seriously need your help. It’s just a few outings here and there. We control the narrative. There won’t be any cracks for the fans or the media to see. We’ll be subtle about this situation. Alright? I need something else to distract everyone from the bad press ASP has been getting lately. Stepping out with you, a person people genuinely like, that will help take the edge of things.”

You could not hold back a groan. It was not like you were not prone to PR ploys in the past. You just made sure to steer clear of PR couplings as they never interested you and were a waste of time. However, Chris was one of your best friends, and you could tell he needed support. If it were a few outings with some assigned paparazzi tailing you both, then it would not be the worst thing in the world. As Chris said, you both would be in control of the narrative.

With a sigh, you told Chris, “Okay, I’ll do it. Let’s hope; for both of our sakes, this doesn’t end in a disaster. Both of our reputations and credibility are on the line.”

“We’re not going to fuck this up. We’re going to be smart about this whole thing. You have nothing to worry about, Y/N. I got you.”

[lokiondisneyplus]

Prior to the pandemic, Frank Patterson would spend most days at the sprawling production facility, formerly known as Pinewood Atlanta Studios, that he runs outside of Atlanta. Then COVID-19 hit, and not even he was able to make his health and safety team's cut of essential on-site personnel.

"They were like, 'Frank, why are you here? You're setting a bad example,' " says the president and CEO of what is now Trilith Studios, the in-demand filming location known for hosting a suite of Marvel projects, including WandaVision and Avengers: Endgame.

Since Patterson took the reins in 2016, he's transformed the place from a set of soundstages to a full-fledged film community. After divesting from the Pinewood Group, Patterson led investments in new technologies and content companies, as well as expanded Trilith's footprint. The result is a 935-acre master development that includes the studio as well as a European-inspired town including homes, restaurants and schools that serve as a live-work community for the many creatives on the lot.

In a wide-ranging conversation, Patterson, 59, opened up about the most challenging aspect of COVID-era production, the studio's biggest concerns and whether he'll mandate vaccines.

You've had multiple projects in production during COVID-19. How has it been going?

We've been very fortunate. We had the first studio feature in the industry back to work in June. I can't say what it is, but they'll be finished soon. It was an intense amount of research and work to put together protocols, recognizing that the disaster version looks like an outbreak. None of that's happened. We've had enormously low numbers of positive tests. And we have a full lot: 3,200 people drove on today.

How much more expensive is it to make a film or show right now?

It's costing about 20 percent more money and 20 percent more time. Things are slower and clunkier and it's taking more space. But the good news is cast and crew are taking safety very seriously. I'm sure you heard the story of Tom Cruise getting upset at the crew for not following protocols [on Mission: Impossible 7]. I don't think that's common. What we have found is with the exception of the day player — they tend to test positive more than the average crewmember — people are taking care of themselves.

A year in, how do you feel you did with the COVID-19 protocols?

They're pretty routine now. We're not just making stuff up like we were in the very beginning.

Which of those do you expect to remain post-pandemic?

The washing hands and standing apart, that's how we keep from spreading these diseases and how we need to work. There's a heightened awareness for cleanliness. People used to drag themselves to work miserably sick because if you missed work, you were letting your team down. Well, that's changed. If you show up and you're sick, they're like, "Get out of here." That'll go forward.

Fellow Georgian Tyler Perry said when he was shooting his shows last summer, there was an elderly actress who didn’t feel comfortable coming on set given the risk, so they had to write her out of the scripts. Have you heard of anything like that happening on any of your productions?

Not leaving a show, but changing of schedules to accommodate people's tolerance for coming back to work. There's an, "OK, let's not shoot this right now because this actor is not quite ready to come back to work." They're pivoting and shooting other stuff first and coming back. That's happening across all the productions.

What are the biggest concerns that you hear from the studios now?

Everyone's overwhelmed with the need to get stuff made, but we aren't returning to the speed that we had and we're spending more dollars per frame captured in just the pure production. And it's not like people don't care because you always care when you're spending more money than you planned, but it’s a way a distant second to: Are we getting this stuff shot?

Are all the studios behind?

Nobody is meeting their goals. Just look at the Disney+ line-up, all the stuff that they want to put in place. Look at what Paramount is doing now with Paramount Plus. If you just look at these pipelines, this is the anxiety that everyone feels right now. And then, by the way, WandaVision's a hit, so you got to feed that beast, right? That’s the tension that you feel every day.

How much of that is not having enough physical space to film? Several production facilities, including yours, are fully booked.

It's not just about space. Yes, of course, we could use some more facilities, and we're putting in five more stages that will be ready by June. But that's only one small part. Even before COVID hit, there weren't enough people — I'm talking about crew, not to mention the storytellers — to meet the demand that Wall Street was pouring into the pipeline. There's a talent drain. With COVID, it's [only gotten worse].

Georgia opened sooner than other states. Did you field a lot of calls?

It was overwhelming. Guys were like, "Hey, we heard you guys figured it out." First of all, we didn't figure it out. We have a version and it's working. But there was a lot of attention on us. And we had the good fortune of not having to worry about what role our government leaders would play because they basically said, "We're going to let the industry figure it out." That's the good news. The bad news: It was on us to figure it out and take responsibility.

Are you getting involved in the vaccine rollout as you did testing?

No, we decided we would just keep our focus on the testing protocols. We have to make certain that we just take it all the way to the end — and we'll let [union, guild and association] leadership decide when that is and when those protocols can change. And then again, as an industry, we're going to have to decide what we want to carry forward and what we don't. That's the next phase, and the rate at which we're vaccinating may advance those conversations faster than I thought. I used to think [the protocols] were going to go into 2022. I don't know if that's the case anymore.

Have you had conversations about mandating the vaccine on sets?

We haven't. We know that when it comes to mandatory protocols, we'll have to work in collaboration with industry leadership. No one goes on our lot without a mask, for example. And that was a political thing. Fortunately, Governor Kemp said, "How can I help?" And we were like, "What would be helpful is if you wear a mask in public," and he said, "OK." So when a crewmember said, "It's my right [not to wear one]" or whatever, of course we can say, "This is private property, sorry," but what our security team said instead was, "Hey, listen, the governor's wearing a mask, and you should wear a mask to protect our industry." It was us taking a stand, but the stand was really only taken because the unions and guilds and associations agreed. We'll have to do the same thing with the vaccination.

You're building out a neighboring town for people to live. Is this the future of production facilities?

I don't think so. In some ways, what we're doing is what Mr. Disney did. The mill town is not a new concept. But if we didn't have a state with a reputation for being so business friendly, for having the tax incentives, for having the most traveled airport in the world, if those things didn't exist right there, believe me, we couldn't do this. I grew up in Hill Country outside of San Antonio, Texas. You cannot do this in San Antonio, Texas.

How many people are buying houses and apartments on the Trilith property?

We have 400 of the apartments built, 260 of them occupied. We’re at almost 300 homes now sold and 500 people in the town. We're working on our next set of 150 homes right now and starting our third micro village. The second micro village filled up like that (snaps fingers). We have 36 people on the waiting list. What’s happening — and this is a global trend — is that COVID has heightened our awareness of the benefits of this approach to working. The distributed workforce and the way for us to collaborate with these electronic tools is causing a lot of people to realize that they don't have to live in the town they thought they have to live in. So I think people thought it was going to be more like a second home, but they're actually staying here.

Every few years it seems there’s some controversial legislation in Georgia that pops up and Hollywood threatens a boycott, whether it’s an anti-LGBT or anti-abortion bill. Do you just assume it's going to pass?

These kinds of ebbs and flows of social discourse and its impact on the industry will never go away. Georgia is not immune to it. The film industry has been this wonderful beacon of possibility, and I do worry, given what's going on in our culture right now, that we as an industry could get caught sideways in this in some way that really dampens our ability to continue to have diverse views on the world.

Georgia's film incentives program has been criticized by some as an irresponsible use of taxpayer money. Do you see it being phased out or pared in the future?

This state is very proud of the fact that seven years in a row now it’s the number one state in the United States to do business. They saw the film industry as a way to really diversify its economy, to bring the creative class into the state. So they wrote this policy that was supported left and right, and that still is the case. I'm not a politician, but I'm on all of these committees, and what I noticed is they were so careful and specific about making it make business sense. It would be very difficult for anyone to turn it around now because it's just good, smart money — and you have both Democrats and Republicans looking at it. But in every session in every state always in the U.S., you will have people come up and write up some kind of legislation, "Let's get rid of tax incentives." It's just not going to happen. I would be really surprised.

But there were some changes to it recently, yes?

There were parts that we needed to improve on around auditing and how we manage the information and our relationship with all the productions. We needed to clean up some of the back of house stuff, so Representative Matt Dollar passed some amendments last session that are now going into effect that really helped clean up the whole process.

Interview edited for length and clarity.

[bewitching-elizabeth-olsen]

Press/Gallery: Elizabeth Olsen Is Ready to Lead the MCU

An ambitious new Disney+ series might just give the strongest Avenger the happy ending she deserves.

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Studio Photoshoots > 2021 > Session 001

  ELLE: We can’t keep meeting Elizabeth Olsen like this. By “this,” I mean in the throes of catastrophe or bereavement, or, to put it plainly, when she’s an emotional wreck. In the 2018 Facebook Watch drama Sorry For Your Loss, Olsen assumes the role of Leigh Shaw, a young widow grappling with the unexpected loss of her husband and all the painful nuisances that come with death: the unbearable waves of sadness, the clichéd condolences, a grief support group that runs out of donuts. At one point, Leigh says through a cracked voice, “I’m just mad all the time.” It’s hard not to draw parallels to Olsen’s other angry character. After all, “mad” is exactly how 2015’s Avengers: Age of Ultron introduced us to Wanda Maximoff.

Defined by tragedy since her Marvel debut, Wanda (aka the Scarlet Witch) is an orphan with telekinetic powers. When not saving the world, she spends most of her time onscreen grieving the deaths of her parents, twin brother, or lover. Wanda’s never been allowed to fully exist outside the confines of her grief and anger, but with the launch of WandaVision—Marvel’s foray into serialized content for streaming—she may just be getting the happy ending she deserves.

Partly inspired by The Vision comic book, which follows synthezoid superhero Vision and his family as they move to the suburbs of Washington, D.C., the Disney+ series is an ode to the TV sitcoms we’ve come to love, with Wanda and Vision (Paul Bettany) basking in newlywed bliss—except Vision’s been very dead (killed twice, in fact) since the events of 2018’s Avengers: Infinity War. It’s unclear exactly how these starcrossed characters got to suburbia, but for now, it’s a delight to see the typically solemn duo sink their teeth into slapstick comedy.

“The show is like a blank slate for them,” Olsen tells me over Zoom, her light brown fringe a departure from Wanda’s red waves. The Scarlet Witch’s doleful glare is also long gone; in its place, Olsen’s eyes are wide with excitement. “Wanda and Vision’s journey to this point is a story of pure, innocent love and deep connection with another person,” she explains. “It was also very traumatizing. Tragedy has always been their story. In our show, we kind of wipe that clean and start fresh.”

But Wanda’s complicated past looms over WandaVision. Age of Ultron saw her and her twin brother, Pietro, initially opposing the Avengers (the siblings volunteered for a series of experiments with Hydra—a super evil organization within the MCU—after the deaths of their parents at the hands of Tony Stark’s Stark Industries) before switching sides to help save the Earth. The movie ends in victory for our superheroes, but yet another tragedy for Wanda when Pietro dies in battle. She finds comfort in the arms of Vision, an android created from the remains of Tony’s J.A.R.V.I.S. program, but even that bliss is short-lived. You see, Vision can only live with the help of the Mind Stone, which Mad Titan Thanos needs to take over the universe. In Infinity War, Vision asks Wanda to sacrifice him, and Wanda reluctantly agrees—but Thanos reverses time to gain control of the stone, killing the robot for a second time. Wanda’s pain is palpable: Imagine sacrificing the love of your life to save everyone else, just to watch him brought back to life and killed again—by the very villain you’re trying to defeat.

Though the thrill of playing a character with superhuman abilities is enticing for any actress, Olsen says it was Wanda’s internal battle with mental health that attracted her to the role in the first place. “[Joss Whedon] explained to me that Wanda Maximoff has always been this pillar of the struggle of mental health, from her pain and depression and traumatic experiences to how she completely alters the reality of the comics,” Olsen says of her early conversations with the Age of Ultron director. “The thing I held onto after reading the initial script was that she was not only powerful because of her abilities, but because of her emotions.”

In fact, MCU theorists would argue she’s one of, if not the, strongest Avenger. She can infiltrate the others’ minds to reveal their biggest fears (Age of Ultron). She can overpower Vision and send him plunging through several floors to break up a fight between warring superheroes (Avengers: Civil War). She can even bring Thanos to his knees, snapping his sword in half and forcibly removing his armor piece by piece (Infinity War).

Still, “they keep slapping her over the head with more grief,” Olsen quips.

As phase one of the Marvel Cinematic Universe began with the sound of clanging metal on May 2, 2008, phase four kicked off on January 15, 2021 with a kitschy 1950s sitcom theme: “She’s a magical gal in a small town locale / he’s a hubby who’s part machine / How will this duo fit in and pull through? Oh, by sharing a love / like you’ve never seen.”

With WandaVision, Marvel steers clear of the typical superhero trappings: no destructive battles at a Berlin airport or across the streets of New York City; no blonde-haired god time-traveling to other realms; no tree-like alien fight alongside a raccoon. Wandavision takes place after the events of Endgame in a fictional suburban town called Westview, and the biggest problem the newlyweds face in the show’s opening moments is creating a convincing backstory to get nosy neighbor Agnes (Kathryn Hahn) off their backs.

“They are just trying to fit in,” Olsen explains. “They’re trying to not be found out by their neighbors that they’re super-powered beings.” Now, if only we can figure out what the hell is actually going on. Olsen remains tight-lipped: “The reason it’s a sitcom shows itself later in the show,” she hints. “When Kevin [Feige] told me, it didn’t feel so bizarre. It felt like a great way to start our story.”

“With our show, you don’t know what the villain is, or if there is one at all.”

So, is Wanda stuck in the first stage of grief, denial? Has she altered reality as a coping mechanism for Vision’s death? Is she being held hostage by a terrorist organization (ahem, Hydra!)? One thing we do know is that someone is watching the couple and taking notes. At the end of episode 1, the camera pans out from a retro TV playing an episode of WandaVision (meta!) to show a hand jotting down notes. There’s a strange sword symbol on the notebook and a nearby control board, and in episode 2, the same sign appears on a toy helicopter lodged in the couple’s front yard. Later, when a mysterious beekeeper crawls out of the sewer on the couple’s street, the symbol is seen on the back of his suit. In its 20-plus movies, Marvel villains have always existed in plain sight. But with a new, less obvious darkness lurking at every turn, Wanda may have to return to her world-saving roots.

“Someone said to me when you watch any of these hero movies, you know when the villain’s about to show themselves, and you also have an idea of who the villain is,” Olsen says. “With our show, you don’t know what the villain is, or if there is one at all.” For now, WandaVision allows for glimmers of hope and optimism for Wanda and Vision, despite what darkness tries to threaten their happiness. “Wanda is trying to protect everything in her bubble, protect what she and Vision have and this experience,” Olsen says. “I think everything she does is in response to keeping things together.”

In addition to exploding the concept of the superhero onscreen, WandaVision toys with a different era of TV in each episode. The pilot takes viewers to the ‘50s with an episode filmed in front of a live studio audience, and Wanda dresses up in the quintessential housewife garb, not a hair out of place in her voluminous bob. By the time we click on episode 2, she trades in her apron and kitten heels for a more pared-down ‘60s look, while episode 3 gives a nod to the ‘70s, complete with a Brady Bunch-style staircase and a shag haircut for Vision.

While dressing up was the fun part, time-hopping through the eras required a lot of binge-watching old sitcoms to get the mannerisms down right. Olsen studied series like The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Brady Bunch, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, and Bewitched to “understand the tones of each era” and get a grasp of how Wanda and Vision should act as a couple. (One of her favorite TV pairings was Jane Kaczmarek and Bryan Cranston from Malcolm in the Middle.) She was fascinated by the way female characters evolved through the decades: “You have to learn appropriate manners—what’s considered being polite or proper. That coincides with women’s voices changing,” she explains. “I enjoyed challenging myself to match the syntax and the lyricism. I live in a very chest-register kind of deep voice. I had to remember not to bring it up at certain moments.”

For so long, Wanda served as a supporting character to Marvel’s biggest names, and the formulaic mundanity of the major theatrical releases made it easy to get comfortable. WandaVision offered Olsen a much-needed challenge. “I’ve only been working for 10 years, but there is this feeling where you start to get comfortable,” she says. “WandaVision was the furthest thing from comfortable for me. It felt intimidating. The character is a completely different thing.”

And fans hoping for a little Marvel action won’t be disappointed. “We still live up to what Marvel does,” she promises. “We just tell the story in a completely different way. It’s a very emotional, female story and it’s a story they haven’t told yet for either of our characters.” Whatever your theory is, keep the cliché condolences to yourself. No one will be uttering, “Sorry for your loss” in Wanda’s world.

Press/Gallery: Elizabeth Olsen Is Ready to Lead the MCU was originally published on Elizabeth Olsen Source • Your source for everything Elizabeth Olsen