#the whole skirt thing was just a by product of me thinking

[novicedraws]

Raiden focus sketches!

A little surprise below 🫣

[fable-x4]

Doing this because it makes me happy •Ꮂ•. Im making it difficult on all of you though.

1 note- I'll go drink water

10 notes - I'll set alarms to actually care for myself

50 notes - set up a daily productivity system so I stop wasting my time doing nothing.

100 notes - ask my friends to help me buy a skirt

500 notes - get a bra & a whole bunch of other affirming clothing !!!

1k - tell my dad that my gf is also trans

2.5k - ask my dad to address me by my prefferred name & pronouns 1k went pretty poorly, so I dont feel super comfortable making an attempt on this.

5k - try to get therapy/psychologist

10k - girl mode at all times (start actively wearing makeup/clothing/doing voice training around people at all times)

50k - try for HRT (0% chance) (also no guarantee on this one)

Asfgg. It feels surprisingly good to have a bunch of strangers who want me to be happy

I have now set up alarms for eating, waking up, and hygene related stuff. I seriously doubt we get to 500, but this has made me significantly happier •Ꮂ•

Doing some math... 25 notes in 4 hours. 6.25 notes per hour. 8000 hours or 333 days until this hits 50k. Hrt in a year ig.

Um. Wow. Its been a day, and we're almost at 300. Everything 500 & below was supposed to be things I'd do with minimal intervention. But now, we're getting to the scarier stuff. I am very intimidated, but also excited

My gf really badly wanted to be here when I buy some of the clothing, so the skirt will be this week, the rest of the clothing will be when she comes back from vacation

Saying that you're force femming me is so not allowed. This is unfair. You have no right to make me feel the ways Im feelingggg. Stop making me happy.

Welp. I told him about my girlfriend. And things went about as poorly as expected. He said that Im parroting what other people think. Slowly taking little parts of them, and applying them to myself. Specifically, being trans. He didnt even leave it to maybes. He said with certainty that I was copying everyone else. I know 9 trans people total. Only 2 of them are my close friends. Everyone else, Im barely aquaintences with. I should have told him that regardless of whatever theories he has, this has boosted my confidence massively. Slightly less excited for 2.5k notes. At least everything after that is very positive. And at least this lets me talk about my girlfriend for ages. I dont have to say her deadname through gritted teeth. Oh context. He already knows Im trans but was ignoring it.

I GOT A SKIRT!!!!!

Thank all of you so much. At first when I got the skirt, I was pretty intimidated by the idea of showing my legs. I thought everyone will just see me as a man. But there's a degree of confidence you all have given me. Yeah. Im pretty. Yeah, Im beautiful even. Yeah. Its a friggin fantastic skirt. And anyone who thinks otherwise is dumb. Im happy, and thats what matters.

[mywritersmind]

WINNING KISS - LN4

summary : lando isn’t used to being a human mirror, but when a pretty girls tells him to hunch down and let her fix her lipstick in the reflection of his glasses, he’s more than happy to oblige.

listen up : no warnings!!

word count : 750

⋆｡‧˚⋆

I can practically feel the music through my veins. The lights of the club are flashing and my friends are laughing and swinging shots back.

I won today. Singapore has been fucking amazing honestly. Besides the whole drowning in sweat thing.

“So…” Max Fewtrell claps a hand on my shoulder, “Taking a girl home tonight, winner?” He teases me as I roll my eyes and sip my drink, “What- You too tired?” he fakes a frown. I didn’t really want to go out tonight but decided it’s sort of a one in a lifetime thing.

“Go find your girlfriend, idiot.” I eye him.

He throws up his arms and laughs, “Gladly!” As he walks away I feel a hand on my shoulder, spinning me around. I’m surprised who did it had such force for being so small.

A girl stands in front of me, a pencil in hand and for a second I think she’s going to ask for an autograph, “Bend down a bit!” She tugs on my shirt and I do as I'm told because I'm genuinely so confused and the pretty girl means business.

She takes the sunglasses from my head and pushes them over my eyes, looking directly into them and bringing the pencil to her lips.

The ‘pencil’, I now realize, it’s a makeup product and deposits a dark color to her lips as she uses me as her mirror.

As she’s stood in front of me, my eyes can’t help but analyze her. This club is stuffy and smoky but she’s so close I can see everything she has on.

She’s got messy brown hair, silver jewelry, a mini skirt, a fur jacket, and a white corset top. Something about her feels magnetic. She’s stunning.

My eyes go to her lips which she smacks together before pulling out a proper lipstick, as she runs the makeup over her lips I start to smile a bit. She finishes quickly and doesn’t pauses as she starts to place the makeup back in her back.

I slide the glasses down to hang around my neck, I see the recognition appear on her face, “Shit.” She says confidently, “You’re that guy!”

I laugh a bit, standing up straighter and looking down at her, “Nice to meet you too.”

“Sorry! Everyone’s been talking about you today!” My tongue runs over my teeth, smiling a bit, “Thanks for being my mirror. And- congrats, I guess?”

“Thank you. And no problem, I’d never deprive a pretty girl of her lipstick rights.” This makes her laugh and fuck I want to keep her laughing.

She gets a look in her eye, her arms behind her, and her eyes staring up at me, “Well I appreciate it. Like it?” I look at her lips again and I’m beginning to think this is a trick just to make me want to kiss her.

“I do. It suits you.” Her lips pull into a wide smile and she steps a bit closer. “You know- people are talking about me for a reason.” I say, building myself up a bit.

She squints, “Right… A win?” I nod, “You’re celebrating then?”

I nod again, “A bit boring though… if only there was a girl to make my night better.”

She scoffs, “Suppose you want a winning kiss then?” I eye her, sipping my drink once more. My eyes flick to her lips but she doesn’t stop looking at me.

“I mean- your lipstick would look great on me.” I say smugly as she stops herself from smiling, humming and nodding.

“Would it?” She says into my ear, the club getting louder with the music.

“Suppose we’ll have to check and see.” I say in her ear this time and when I pull back, I can tell she’s trying to figure me out.

She hums again, leaning in close and slipping her hand onto my neck. Her cool rings practically sting my hot skin. She turns my head slightly, I feel her stand taller to softly kiss my cheek.

When she pulls away, I’m smirking again, “Let me get your number.” I don’t even ask it as a question.

She pulls the lipliner out of her bag once more, uncapping it with her teeth and taking my arm. She scrolls the numbers slowly against my arm, holding me close.

When she’s done and there’s red numbers up my arm, she closes the product and smiles kindly, saying “Congratulations, winner.” before walking away.

[princessbrunette]

just bc of that edit we need to have a drabble of dealer!jj slapping reader when she gets too bratty him and he’s so condescending about it :(

⠀ᥫ᭡ㅤ⠀ㅤ ࣪ 𓈒⠀ྀིㅤׂㅤ ʚɞྀ

“i’on know what’s gotten into you, honestly…” your boyfriend lazily returns from the door, after closing it — his latest customer just having left with a stock up of jj’s product.

“what?” you sulk, knees to your chest on the couch as you paint your toenails, not even looking up at him.

“um, that attitude? you must be crazy if you think i’mma let you talk to me like that infront of one of my payin’ customers.” he grins, the malicious grin pushing him cheeks up. he only laughs in that particular way when he’s actually kind of irritated, so now your attention is fully on him, screwing up the lid to the nail polish bottle and placing it aside as your toenails dry.

“didnt have an attitude, jay.” even your tone has softened a little, like you couldn’t commit to the whole bratty thing now that your actions were having consequences. he paces infront of you, running a hand through his already messy hair.

“yeah… yeah, cool— won’t mind if i punish you anyway then, right? i mean, it’s not like you don’t deserve it. we both know that.”

he’s in the shabby plaid arm chair a minute later, spreading his knees and pulling you to kneel between them.

“you’re ruinin’ the paint job i did on my toes!” you whine, bratty attitude already back as you huff and puff at his tugging.

“cry about it.” he mutters, pulling your face closer to him by cupping your cheeks. “you asked for this, ‘kay?”

“asked for what, jj—” your sass is cut off by a slap, harder than he’s ever given you before. you squeal, going to cup your cheek.

“aw, did that hurt?” he tilts his head, giving it a unsympathetic little rub before following up with a quick succession of short slaps, just to lock in the soreness of your now burning skin.

“ow, jj.” you mewl, lip wobbling. you violently flinch when he lifts his hand again.

“yeah that’s papa t’you, young lady. the hell happened to all those manners you used t’have when we first met? if i didn’t know any better i’d think i was a bad influence on your shy lil’ ass.” he grins, so smirky and proud of himself that the words slur together a little at the end. he gives you one last good one, and the sting makes you moan, brows furrowed and eyes blown out. “mhm.” comes the low hum in his throat because he knows that look all too well.

“alrighty, think you’ve had quite enough. ge’mme a beer from the fridge and i’ll call it even.” he tickles under your chin and you sniffle, running off to return with a cold can.

he adjusts the way he sits, making space for you and holds his arms out for you to curl up on his lap. “didnt hurt that much baby c’mon, don’t be a wuss.” he smirks, holding the cold can to your cheek to soothe it before cracking it open and taking a sip. he offers you some and you shake your head.

“yeah, you’re after somethin’ else, i know.” he chides, placing the drink aside and wasting no time, pulling your skirt up to rest on your stomach. when his hand pushes your thighs open and cups your cunt, he’s greeted with the feeling of wet panties beneath his fingers. “well would you look at that. all ‘cus i hit you? damn baby. messed up.”

⠀ᥫ᭡ㅤ⠀ㅤ ࣪ 𓈒⠀ྀིㅤׂㅤ ʚɞྀ

[wingedblooms]

Elain Archeron, member of The Tortured Poets Department

i’m hearing voices like a madman - so high school

i’m seeing visions / am I bad or mad or wise? - guilty as sin?

you can mark my words that I said it first / in a mourning warning, no one heard - cassandra

and for a fortnight there, we were forever - fortnight

leaving me bereft and reeling / my beloved ghost and me / sitting in a tree / d-y-i-n-g - how did it end?

i saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist - so long, london

i cry a lot, but I am so productive, it's an art - i can do it with a broken heart

but my bare hands paved their paths / you don't get to tell me about "sad" - who’s afraid of little old me?

so I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street / crash the party like a record scratch as I scream / "who's afraid of little old me?" / you should be - who’s afraid of little old me?

i hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind - i hate it here

one slip and fallin' back into the hedge maze […] i keep recalling things we never did - guilty as sin?

these fatal fantasies / giving way to labored breath, takin' all of me / we’ve already done it in my head / if it's make-believe / why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow? - guilty as sin?

wise men once said / "one bad seed kills the garden" / "one less temptress, one less dagger to sharpen" / locked me up in towers / but I'd visit in your dreams / and they tried to warn you about me - the albatross

a rose by any other name is a scandal / cautions issued, he stood - the albatross

i spied the catch in your breath - i look in people’s windows

what if I roll the stone away? / they’re gonna crucify me anyway / what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy? - guilty as sin?

"stay away from her" / the saboteurs protested too much - but daddy i love him

crashin' into him tonight, he's a paradox - guilty as sin?

it’s happenin' again / how did it end? / i can't pretend like I understand - how did it end?

this cage was once just fine / am I allowed to cry? / i dream of crackin' locks - guilty as sin?

thought I caught lightning in a bottle / oh, but it's gone again […] please / i’ve been on my knees / change the prophecy / don't want money / just someone who wants my company / let it once be me - the prophecy

cards on thе table / mine play out like fools in a fablе […] poison blood from the wound of the pricked hand / oh, still I dream of him - the prophecy

lilac short skirt, the one that fits me like skin […] and I'll tell you one thing, honey / i can tell when somebody still wants me, come clean - imgonnagetyouback

i, i hear thе whispers in your eyes / i’ll make you wanna think twice / you'll find that you were never not mine / (you’re mine) - imgonnagetyouback

'cause the sign on your heart / said it's still reserved for me / honestly, who are we to fight thе alchemy? - the alchemy

i'll tell you something right now / i’d rather burn my whole life down […] i'll tell you something 'bout my good name / it’s mine alone to disgrace / i don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing - but daddy i love him

if long-suffering propriety is what they want from me / they don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly / i choose you and me religiously - guilty as sin?

[beegalactica]

HOT GIRLS ARE CONSCIOUS.

I haven't been on Tumblr in about 3 months (life has been busy), and when I finally decided to check back in today, I kept seeing the same thing over and over again, so I am here to dispel some myths.

If you have seen any of my posts, you will know the issues I have with traditional TikTok-y trendy 'glow-up' advice, but today I realised how much of it is just a ploy to get us to spend tons of money on things we CAN live without. I think we all need to be more CONSCIOUS: conscious of what we can realistically afford and implement into our daily lives.

For example, in a typical 'glow-up' advice post, tiktok or youtube video, they recommend these super unrealistic routines that include a full skincare routine of every type of cream you could ever imagine, and an incredibly detailed list that lays out how you need to spend every 10 minutes of your day in order to achieve this perfect form.

It's all hear-say.

Don't get roped into thinking that you need those brand new clothes, or you need those skincare items to be your best self. The idea of turning your 'glow-up' into a sustainable part of your life is to do things you can manage to do over and over again. The secret to glowing up permanently is having a routine that keeps you happy and healthy. Instead of buying a full shelf of skincare all in one go, get 1 or 2 items with positive reviews to start. You don't need to throw out your whole wardrobe and sell your soul to TEMU just to look aesthetic; use what you have. Rather than making short term impulsive purchases, treat every part of your life as an investment.

Especially when it comes to clothing, being someone who has lost weight and no longer fits into all their old clothes, instead of throwing everything out and starting from scratch, I bought a little amazon sewing kit with a couple of needles and different types of thread and started cutting and sewing my way to a better wardrobe. (Even TODAY, I turned an old pair of jeans that I never wear into a cute miniskirt all from a 5 minute YouTube tutorial.) If sewing isn't your thing, you can try using some hemming tape and an iron, fabric glue, or whatever you can. Be conscious of the things you buy and how often you buy them.

I know lots of people like thrifting, and you can thrift online with apps like Vinted, which I personally use and love, if you don't have access to massive thrift stores like they do in America (I'm totally not jealous at all 🙄🙄; I live in the UK and the closest things I have near me are charity shops but there's a sort of stigma around shopping in them but honestly who cares what others think).

When you shop for clothes, look for timeless and versatile pieces you can mix and match, layer and style with lots of different things, allowing you to wear them well. Try to find good staple pieces, that will make the basis of your wardrobe. Be an outfit repeater. Do not blindly follow trends; take the time to curate and explore to find your style. Make a massive Pinterest board of everything you think looks good, and start to make a list of common items of clothing and accessories you save the most; these will be your staples. Don't feel like you have to stick strictly to one aesthetic; my wardrobe ranges from 'fairycore' maxi skirts to y2k denim skirts, but what matters is that I am mindful of whether I will use the things I want to buy.

Of course, feel free to treat yourself, you 100% deserve it, but don't get sucked into the idea that your self worth is determined but WHAT you have; instead it should be how you FEEL in what you have.

I like to see my blog as a little notebook of things I wish I could have told my younger self, and things I want to remind my future self, and I feel like it would be a disservice to not talk about the oversaturation of our feeds with infinite products, to the point where everything feels like an AD.

Moral of the story: don't just take everything you see online at face value. Don't get trapped in extensive consumerism; it's bad for your bank account, it's bad for the environment and it's bad for your mental health.

Also here's my Pinterest if you want to have a peek around <3 Pinterest

[fariesoiree]

minors mdni

hobie is just so needy today.

it really is his fault but it’s driving you up the wall. he’s the one who insisted on tagging along with you but now he wants to complain. you’re not giving him enough attention, you’re not shopping fast enough, you’re not leaving soon enough. it’s all because of that damn chocolate.

you’re an innocent bystander in all this, for once. he’s the one who discovered it and the one who bought it. originally, he did try to attempt you to try it with him but you flat out refused.

you’re too busy, having to work long hours for the next few days. the last thing you want is some mysterious aphrodisiac running through your system.

hobie has all the time in the world, though. because he doesn’t work a conventional job he figured he’d be the perfect subject. especially after you told him just how doubtful you were.

there is just dozens of products claiming to do the same, both cheaper and expensive. to you, aphrodisiacs are just another scam for the touch starved. never did you think the king of physical affection himself would introduce it into your relationship.

that was a mere few hours ago. now, he’s tugging at your sweater. he will not let you go for more than five seconds without him feeling you up. every time you find yourself stopping to flip through the clothing rack, hobie’s hands are wandering over your body.

“stop it,” you push his hands away from your body for the umpteenth time. this time, they’ve wandered underneath your shirt, fingers dancing across your skin.

the last time you gave him the benefit of the doubt, he’d nearly unclipped your bra.

from an outside perspective, hobie is doting on you with his arms wrapped around you and his head resting on your shoulders. only you know how he squeezes at your tummy and laps the skin on your neck.

“hobart,” you sneer. you’re tempted to push him away from you completely.

that gets him. he hesitates, but only for a second. the shock of his government name leaving your lips doesn’t stop him for long. he’s too far gone, too deep in thinking with his dick. “call me that again and i’ll shove my whole dick in you right now.”

“try it. i’ll kill you, then myself.” you push a hanger on, passing up another skirt. you’re doing your best to make the most of what you have. this is supposed to be a relaxing little treat to yourself for all your hard work. instead, you’re fighting to keep hobie away from you.

you’re only successful for two more seconds before he’s back at it, trying to undress you in public. he tells you he can’t help it. you just look too good and smell too sweet. he’s intoxicated off the strawberry poundcake perfume you’re wearing and the way your ass looks in your jeans.

he pushes against you. groaning into your ear when he fits so snugly against you. the chocolate really has him on fire. just hearing your voice has precum leaking. he’s already addicted to you without it. with it, he’s convinced he’s ready to have baby now. “come on, ☆. let’s just go home. i’ll bring you back tomorrow.”

“baby, i can’t. i work tomorrow.” you untangle your limbs. in the end, you decide it’s better to be separate. he can’t control himself and you can’t control him.

it’s to no avail. just as quickly as you find yourself finally free from his grip, he’s pulling you back into his chest. “okay. then the next day.” he digs his nose into your scalp. the smell of your black vanilla shampoo turns him nearly animalistic

meanwhile, you’re suffocating in his loose black crop top. you wouldn’t care if the corset underneath wasn’t squishing your face. “still can’t. i have class.” you have to lift your head, much to his dismay.

one look at you changes that. it’s a fair trade, he rationalizes with a hungry stare. “okay? then skip it or some shit. i don’t care.” his hands dip down rather quickly. he gropes and grabs, despite your quiet shriek.

“get offa’ me.” you all but shove him, head whipping around to check if anyone saw. you’re lucky the mall is deserted so early in the morning on a weekday. the run of the mill teenagers are busy in class. “i swear to god if you do that again i’ll grind you into dust.” you point a finger at him but you’re sure you don’t look threatening at all.

he reaches for you again, scowling when you narrowly dodge him. “promise?” hobie quips with an annoying raise of his brow. his voice drops to a whisper when he finally catches you and tugs you close. “you can’t even suck me off in the dressing room?”

your face is burning with a fire you’ve never felt before. where he got the confidence to say such words, you have no idea. in public, at that! “are you actually serious?” you pinch the tips of your ears. sure enough, they’re warm with humiliation. does he have no shame?”

oh he’s serious all right. he’s so serious he drags you off to the dressing rooms himself. thanks to his lifelong experience in breaking laws and the learned creeping that comes with living a double life, he slips right by the employees with no problems.

he’s careless, bumping all against the walls, in a rush to lock the door behind you. you’ve never seen him this eager before. sure, during your usual times he’s excited. but right now, he’s nearly cumming before you’re doing anything.

“you’re sure you wanna do this? you really wanna? right here?” you’re quieter than usual, feeling as if it’s required while you’re sneaking around.

“the more you ask me, the longer this will take.” even the way he requests for you to shut up isn’t the same. there is no threat backing up his words, even when he closes the space between you.

you’re curious. some chocolate had your usually composed boyfriend like this? you’re not going to lie to yourself and pretend his change in behavior doesn’t make you feel some type of way.

usually it’s you shaking with need and making a mess everywhere. never have you had this much power in your relationship. if you weren’t on a time crunch and in the privacy of your home, you would have definitely taken your time with him. “you’re the one who needs me. i’ll change my mind.”

“please don’t play with me, right now. i ate the whole fucking square and i swear to – if you don’t do something, i’ll suck it myself.” he’s so frantic to remove the layers of silver belts, it takes him nearly twice as long. you aid him, taking pity. it’s you so many times on that end of the stick. even though you’ve never eaten an aphrodisiac, having hobie as your boyfriend is enough.

you giggle when hobie shuffles toward you, pants hanging loosely. he doesn’t share your sentiment. apparently, nothing about this is funny. he doesn’t argue back. just pops his dick in your face.

your wrap your fingers around the base and already, he’s groaning. for once he has to brace himself against you, hands resting in your shoulders.

“y’know you have to be quiet right?” you glance up at him. you test his reactions with slow jerks of your wrist. you don’t really need to when he’s already this worked up but it’s nice to the one causing the soft sighs.

his breath fans over your face and warms your cheeks. between his glistening shaft and his tightly wounded face, you don’t know where to look. “don’t let this, fuck. don’t let this go to your head.”

it’s far too late for that but you don’t tell him. you just smile to yourself instead and swirl your tongue around his tip. you’re teasing, he knows, but he honestly doesn’t care. his senses are heightened so much this feels like enough.

jokes on him, hobie is unprepared when you do begin to swallow him. he shocks himself when he gasps and pushes your head away. it’s so uncharacteristic of him that even he is embarrassed about it. “shit, baby. could have said something first.” he feels pathetic avoiding your gaze and even more so he meets his own in the mirror.

you shake your head, tongue darting out to lick the slightly salty remnants off your lips. “you don’t get to annoy me all day and push me away.” it would be unfair if you didn’t enjoy this, right? it’s only right after all he’s put you through. you owe it to him to leave him shaking.

he’s just about to chastise you and defend his honor when you’re right where you started. this time, however, you’re forcing yourself to take as much as you can.

hobie is constantly bumping against your throat with the way you’re bobbing your head. tears prickle your eyes and occasionally you gag but it’s all worth it. all when his hand is flying to cover his mouth and the other one has a grip on your hair.

contrary to popular belief, he isn’t forcing your head down but pulling your head away. he’s far more sensitive than he thought, too sensitive for his own good.

his hand is barely sufficient to keep his cries to a minimum, alternating between telling you to stop and to keep going.

your nails dig into his skin, being your main defense from being yanked off. you only stop to come up for air. your thumb circles around his tip with enough pressure to have him shuddering. your breath fans over his skin when you press wet kisses along his shaft.

“baby,” hobie speaks with his clenched in a fist, knuckles in his mouth. it serves as a warning. his brain is too far incapacitated to form sentences.

“if you’re gonna cum, do it in my mouth.” you mumble, words ghosting over him. it’s embarrassing enough to be giving him a blowjob in the mall dressing room. the last thing you want is cum stains littering your top.

it only takes his dick being enveloped in the warmth of your mouth for him to be shooting out thick ropes. hobie whines, using the hold he has on your hair to pull you off.

you wait until his eyes are on you to make a show out of swallowing his load, mouth opening to display the disappearing evidence.

it’s probably a mistake on your part when you physically see the hunger return in his face with a vengeance.

“fuck that was hot. let’s go home and do it again.”

your eyes nearly bulge out of your head. “what?” you don’t understand how he can already be thinking of another round when he was just griping about his sensitivity. “but what about me? i want to stay.” you watch him scramble to redress himself, accessories and all. your eyebrows knit together because there is no way some chocolate can do this.

“i’ll bring you back tomorrow,” he insists, pulling you to your feet. whatever secrecy you still have is thrown out the window when he pushes the door open with enough force to have it ricocheting off the wall.

“but i can’t. i have work, remember?” you cup the back of your head as he leads you through the store, right to the exit. you didn’t have time to fix your hair. he’s been so inconsiderate, it’s not fair.

“okay then we’ll go the next day.”

“ ‘bie, i have class – ” you really have to look at what they put in this stuff.

“then fuckin’ skip it. i don’t care.”

[helaelaemond]

The Light Beneath Your Skin - Billy Washington x plus size!reader

Pairing:  Billy Washington x plus size girlfriend reader - thank you @arcielee for letting me borrow your Billy x reader origin story, you slay

Word count: 2k

Summary: you're a plus size woman who's insecure about it. Billy finds a way to reassure you, at least for now.

She/her pronouns, established relationship, no sex

Content warning(s): in-depth talk of body issues/insecurities, fatphobia, mentions of past sexual harassment

Rating: Gen/Teen

You never thought that anyone you were attracted to would want you back. No one ever had, not really. Your father used to tell you that you were pretty, that you looked so much like your mother. Across the table, your mother would agree and smile. By the time dinner was over, she would lament how monstrous she looked.

Billy isn't much of a cook. He can't afford to take you out much. But he's trying more often now. He made you a pasta and mushroom dish not long ago, and he smiled when you ate it together.

You were never teased to your face. But once, the boy you liked grinned at you across the classroom in Double Science, and you blushed. His friend then joked that he liked you, and he'd been almost violent in his response. 'Eugh, that's disgusting! Don't fucking say that!' He shoved his friend so hard that he fell off his stool, and they both cackled. That kind of thing happened a few times, actually. The mere hint that you had interest in a boy put a target on his back. A laughingstock by association.

Billy holds your hand, his long fingers resting easily between yours. "You're quiet tonight."

You smile faintly. "Just thinking."

"Hm. Wanna share?"

Shrugging, you wrap your arms around yourself and try to hide your double chin in the neckline of your jumper. He watches you for a moment, before leaning forward and resting his forehead on your shoulder.

The first time someone kissed you, you hadn't wanted it. Nineteen, you'd been, on a date with a man who seemed nice online. In the booth of the restaurant he had taken you to, he slipped his hand up your skirt so high that it had frozen you in place. "You like this?" he asked. The memory of his face is a haze now, all grey shapes and soft shadows. A void, a memory that you no longer sink into. You shook your head slightly and managed to whisper the words, "please stop." And he did. For a moment. He smirked, and after, you thought it would be alright. An hour later, though, he dragged you outside and into the alley, where he pushed you against the wall and ground against you. He kissed you and it felt strange and alien and made your throat close up in fear, disgust.

At some point, the man without a face told you "you should be grateful for this. Who else is gonna want someone like you?" and you believed him. You tried to enjoy it.

He was right. No one else even looked your way for years. You got a few matches on dating apps, but as soon as you were honest about your size, the matches were gone. You didn't even get a first date.

"Hey," a voice calls to you. "What's wrong?"

You smile and shake your head, laughing softly. "Nothing. Nothing!"

Billy sits up and tries to touch your cheek, but you pull away. The sudden movement spills the tears gathered in your eyes. The smile stretches into a wince. He watches you in silence, and when your face cracks into something sadder, he squeezes your hand. "Tell me."

Your voice is strained as you try to find the right way to say it in a voice that is steady. On both counts, you fail. "I don't have the right words."

"Use the wrong ones."

"Who else is gonna want someone like you?"

You remember an advert you saw for a food product once. Odd, you thought at the time, that to advertise food, someone like you was ridiculed. A man in a workplace break room was sat at a table with a larger lady who was making eyes at him. The whole premise was that with a better lunch, he could sit with the pretty and thin ladies, and the fat lady cried from the rejection. It was supposed to be funny.

The man in the advert had been slender and tall, like Billy. Billy has never given you reason to think he might not find you worthy of love. But the whole world tells you that one day, he will.

"Why are you with me?"

"Oh." His voice is soft. You've asked him this before. The first time you asked him, he was understanding. By the third time, he was irritated and angry at needing to repeating himself. After that, things got worse for a bit.

That was a while ago now.

"What's brought this on?" he asks, and his large hand strokes your leg.

You shrug. It's impossible to look at him.

"Hey?"

You bite your lip before speaking. "Tried to find a nice dress for next week. Nothing in my size."

Billy sighs and shifts on the sofa. "Try another shop."

"In a shopping centre of fifty thousand bits of clothing, not a single one was for me." Your chest hurts.

"You'd look beautiful in a bin bag."

"But..." your lip trembles again. You wonder if your chubby cheeks shake like some gruesome creature gobbling a foul feast. "I just want a pretty dress."

Dissolving into tears makes your cheeks burn with shame. Billy wraps you up in his arms anyway. He's so tall.

He pulls you against him on the sofa, and eventually, with a pillow for your head, you lie in his lap, and he strokes your hair soothingly. He doesn't say anything. Billy is a man of few words. Tender fingers glide through hair, gentle on any tangles they find. Occasionally, his nails make contact with your scalp and a quiet noise sounds in your throat.

When you try to get away from him, he holds you down. Quietly, he shushes you, and you melt. He murmurs your name. Your cries are softer now. The headache begins to fade.

"I'm sorry," you whisper thickly.

"Don't apologise."

"Billy, I'm so sorry, I-"

"Shh."

"No, I-"

"Are you gonna listen to me?"

You look up at him blearily. He shaved earlier, and his cheeks are soft. He uses the aftershave you got him for his birthday. He'd turned the box over in his hands quietly, and sniffed the bottle in curiosity. The pleased face he had pulled was so endearing. You remember everything with him. He smells like that birthday.

"Tell me what you thought of me when you first saw me."

Your brow furrows slightly. "Eh?"

"Eh?" he echoes with the hint of a grin. "Tell me."

"You know."

"I wanna hear it."

Licking your lips, you take the hand in your hair and pull it down to your chest to play with his fingers. He lets out a shallow breath. "You came through the door out of the rain with your hood up. But it was wet. Just cotton. Bit dirty." You remember everything. "You ordered a black coffee, and you were so quiet that I couldn't really hear you."

"First thing I ever bought with you was a raincoat." He rubs the back of your hand with his thumb.

It soothes you. "Yeah."

"But what did you think of me?"

"That you looked like a sad, wet cat." You laugh when he gently presses your sides, tickling you slightly. How you used to hate him touching you. Always afraid he'd recoil in disgust. Still afraid. "I wasn't sure about you. You looked a bit..."

"Hmm?"

"Stern."

"Hmm."

"Why're you asking?"

Billy's gentle smile - the secret one, the contented one - fades slightly. He leans his head back against the sofa cushion. "I dunno... I dunno how I can ever convince you that between the two of us... it's you."

Knots twist in your stomach. Around his fingers, your hand tightens. "What's me?"

"You're... you're the one."

"What?"

"I... I ain't got the words."

You smile faintly. Closing your eyes, you let your head sink deeper into the pillow on his lap. "Any'll do."

"I'm just some bloke. But you?... God, you've got this, this, this light in you."

Not the words you expected. "Billy."

"Nah, I mean it. I knew it the first time I saw you. This bright old smile, this loud and happy voice, you just... shot into my life. It was stupid to spend money on coffee every other day, but I couldn't... I couldn't stay away."

Loud. Happy. Pictures of jolly clowns dance across your eyes. No one wants to fuck the clown.

"Yeah, I'm a laugh a minute." It's impossible to keep the bitterness out of your voice.

"Listen to me," he chides. "Don't make me feel stupid for saying the wrong thing."

"Sorry."

"I know."

You sigh. There's always somethng you need to apologise for these days. He deserves someone whole and kind and beautiful and sexy and-

"You got this light in you," he murmurs again after a long pause. "It comes through your skin like the sun."

Billy doesn't talk like this. It's not like him. You hold back snide comments, the knee-jerk instinct to say something funny. Instead, you listen.

"After Cranstead, I didn't think I'd ever see something beautiful again. And then I found you. Shining."

Pain gnaws away at you. It's sweet, it really is. But he could say that about a friend. No one wants to fuck the clown. No one wants to fuck the sun. "That's a pretty thing to say."

"Yeah?" He looks down at you and lets go of your hand. Instead, he strokes the hair back from your forehead and kisses it. "Pretty words for a pretty girl."

"Promise?" you ask. The word almost chokes you.

"Yeah, of course." He sees your face threaten to crumple again. "I love you. You know that, don'ya?"

You nod. It's hard to keep it together. "Yeah. But... but do you... you know..."

"What?"

"I'm worried that... that I'm not..."

He is more patient now than he used to be. Your asks for reassurance were met with anger once. But you learned him - and he learned you. By heart. He will be your broken record. "You're beautiful."

"I need you to promise. That you... that you want me still. Despite how I look. How... how much of me there is."

Billy lifts your hand to his lips and kisses your palm. For the briefest moment, he takes your fingertip between his teeth, before you stroke his smooth jaw. So pretty.

He whispers your name. "I want you every moment of every day. Sometimes, I can't even think straight because all I can picture is you. Your eyes, your mouth, your hands. God, these hands. They make me feel so good."

Blood heats your cheeks. He kisses them.

"And your perfect face. I wish you'd watch us fuck in front of a mirror. You don't know how good your face looks when you're taking me inside you."

Fuck. He's getting so good with his words. He saves so many of them for you. "You think about it?"

"Yeah. I think about coming home and finding you naked. I wanna come home and find every inch of you bare for me. All for me."

"Promise? Promise I turn you on?"

Billy laughs breathlessly and nods. Craning his neck down, he presses a deep kiss to your lips. His tongue meets yours and you taste coffee and sugar. Sweet Billy, dark and hot, steals the breath from your lungs. "You do so much for me," he murmurs between kisses. "You make me laugh. Make me feel safe. You make my dick hard. And," he pulls away enough to look into your eyes, "that light beneath your skin. It saved me. It's like... it's like it was midnight forever, and you brought the dawn."

"You're turning into a poet," you whisper. There is no jest here, though.

He kisses you again, and cradles your head in his lap. "It's what you do to me. Make things beautiful. Even me."

[l1llina]

"Huh, me? Like him ?"

Alhaitham x Fem!Reader

18+, Minors dni

Synopsis: The Akademiya is pushing a big project to fight the Abyss Order. You along with the other students are assigned to work on it. This project will bring you and Alhaitham closer.

It’s another day, another day of zoning out. What annoyed you even more was this really stuck up guy in your class. He always seemed to look down on everyone else, including you, and you’re a sensitive bitch so this bothered you a lot. 

One day, the school reveals that every student will play a part in building a machine to fight the Abyss Order specifically the Abyss Prince. The pressure and excitement in everyone was of course very high almost overbearing. You couldn’t believe it. This was... amazing. Big ambitious projects with the whole help of the school. The school officially recruited everyone and everyone became an employee for the Akademiya.

Unfortunately, the way they assigned divisions were by class, this was all planned by the day you enrolled. The leader of your division who could order you to do anything he wishes was.. Alhaitham urgh. This went from being your dream to a nightmare. 

He actually didn’t put many rules but the goal for that semester was to finish an elemental laser gun. Surprisingly every person in the class had a different role. You received the Casanova role but why did they need one ? At first, you pondered maybe they just didn’t want to hurt your feelings but then you guessed it was because they still lacked sufficient funding for such a project so you were the leader of your own little crew. The marketing crew!

Your job was to convince people to invest in such a project, and honestly who better for the job hah. Additionally the school encouraged the students to actually date and find love within other similar types. You were kind of manipulated into dating the heads of the project. Since production would go up if a Casanova and Leader got along well.

You were “advised accordingly” to go on a date with Alhaitham, your enemy. You didn’t have any romantic/sexual feelings for him before the date but during the date, he seemed a little obsessed, a little too happy to be here. 

The Akademiya issued Friday to be a day to deepen relationships between the students. Admittedly they cared more if you had sex. They didn’t give the opportunity to buy condoms, since they hoped the students could bear kids to continue the project if the parents died. 

Alhaitham urged you to take a sip of wine, you did out of politeness and out of curiosity to see what he’d do. You didn’t want your gut feeling to be right, to think he’d do something terrible, however when you came to, you were in white lingerie in Alhaitham’s dorm. 

“Hey.. Y/N, I’m sure you know why I abused my position of power to get you here. You teased me on purpose huh, wearing that short pencil skirt. I don’t like helping the school with their corrupt ways but I can’t help but want to keep you to myself so let’s bear a child and we’ll rule the school”

He began teasing you, bouncing you on his thigh, you muffled your moans, refusing to yield to this asshole’s demands, but slowly, after being edged for so long, you started losing your rationale and following his demands. He worshipped the body that would give him an heir and the woman who clouded his mind for years. 

“I saw how you looked at me in class, such hatred and disgust, there’s nothing more satisfying than triumphing over my enemies but in this case, you’re my doll now and don’t worry doll I’ll make sure to treat you right and please you accordingly”

You thought he’d stop at grinding you on his laps but he got down on his knees and started stuffing your tiny hole and circling your clit with his tongue. Urgh the only thing that’s stopping you from giving yourself to him fully is your pride. If you gave in, he’d win and there’d be no guarantee you’ll find real love with him.

“Why are you still holding back, do you think I’ll hit you ? Insult you ? Never, not to the girl I’ve respected for so long”

“W-What, re-respect hngh..?”

“Yeah, you’re a little stupid but you always kept your promises and showed your hatred for hypocrisy and oppression of the system. You’re exactly my type, I love your character and I hope even after this little stunt, you can find a place in your heart to love me too”

“Al.. I didn’t wanna give in because I don’t like losing.. These past few years, I always thought you were an asshole, even now you’re proving my point but right now I couldn’t care less, you being an asshole also ties with your ambition and I couldn’t find anything more attractive than that, well devotion too but you’re that too so. More so, you’re fucking hot.. Are you kidding me ?”

“So, we’re a thing then ?”

“Yeah.. now fuck me with your cock already, just so you know though I don’t really like kids but I still wanna have sex with you right now”

He plunges his cock and makes you cum many times that night. The next day your dorm changed to Al Haitham’s and you shared a dorm now. Outside of school hours and even during, you would be in his office, dating and fucking him” 

At night, you found a new nerd pal to geek out with but he sometimes takes it too far and it ends up in passionate makeout sessions. The next morning, the cycle continues

TBC <3 Pls don't hate me

[jiraisupportgroup]

Hii I'm new to jirai kei n recently I joined a group where there's a lot o jirai / landmine ppl! I was asking some questions abt how to go for the fashion part of the subculture and one of my main questions was "is there any thrift store I can go to? Can I customize some clothing to make it look jirai?" And what I got as an answer was "No. Jirai ppl only use branded clothing, you can buy it second hand but you cannot customize in any way".

Tbh I'm not in a good place economically rn and I don't have a job either, so I'm not sure what I should do. Importing clothing costs 6 times more cause of where I live.

Is it really a rule that jirai / landmine can only wear branded clothes? (Liz liza, honey wardrobe, dear my love, etc)

I know I fit in the jirai lifestyle but I wanted to fit in the fashion too T--T

Thank you for your time♡♡ asking anon cause it's for me and a frien ^^"

I would once again like to preface this (as I preface all things) with the fact that I could entirely be talking out of my ass - this is just my opinion - and I am not a spokesperson for Jirai Kei or other mentioned subcultures / fashion styles as a whole.

I wholeheartedly disagree with that but also I will caveat that with the fact that I spent most of my teenage years in menhera / goth / emo / grunge spaces and those are very DIY-heavy subcultures. I'm also super relaxed about how people choose to label themselves (to the point where I barely claim to be in any subculture because I just don't want to bother with labels so I'm probably not the best person to ask haha~)

To me personally, this feels like an argument that someone coming from Lolita would make? I kind of see a link here in the sense that the two main reasons I think people say these things about Lolita are because it is really hard to make Lolita clothing and buying lolita knock-offs is generally bad for a whole slew of reasons. Similar arguments for both subcultures I think.

Girly kei / dark girly clothing can be really hard to make or DIY. I think it is certainly very possible to do, but it might take some trial and error. Mostly because being a bit over the top is kind of the aesthetic; there are a lot of ruffles and bows and lace and ribbons and buttons and cute little accessories and cut-outs and the neckline is typically very specific with decorated collars. At its base, it is just a blouse, but it's got a LOT of aspects that go into it, and if it's "too basic" then you're not really hitting that girly kei style. The skirts too (I personally think the skirts would be a little easier to DIY but I also have experience sewing with lace / grommets & making corset ribbon designs which is mostly what stands out from them to me?) You also run into a lot of the actual hardware being specific with hearts being a really common theme for belt loops or buttons, and decorated suspenders.

I think it would be difficult to DIY girly kei or dark girly pieces but it's certainly doable. One issue is that depending on where you're getting the materials for that DIY, it might be about the same cost (or more) as just buying a blouse (although this depends on shipping cost).

The other aspect of it is the argument against fast fashion which is a little more nuanced in Jirai Kei but I see where they're coming from? I mean, to be frank, ryousangata is literally "massed produced" fashion (& to be fair the aesthetics that are labeled as “ryousangata” have varied a lot over the years - it’s not just frilly blouses & stuff that’s just kind of what it happens to be right now). It's pretty much just fast fashion. MA*RS, Liz Lisa, & DearMyLove from what I can tell are mostly produced in Japan, although they do source materials from China, like most companies do (not automatically or necessarily a bad thing imo - but I will spare you that side rant bc it’s kind of not related). I couldn't find a lot of information about their production practices? So I'm unsure about worker environments for them? Generally, the big-name brands are going to be more ethically sourced & produced than random AliExpress sellers but by how much is kind of questionable (or at least I could not find a lot of information about the production processes so I'm not sure by how much - if anyone has additional information on this I would love love love to hear).

Now am I saying "Go buy a bunch of fast fashion off of AliExpress because it's cheaper and no one cares"? No. (It's also honestly not much cheaper.) But the reality is that it generally is fast fashion, so it's a weird balancing game. I think one of the main reasons people say "only buy Liz Lisa / MA*RS / DearMyLove" is because they want to avoid fast fashion as much as possible while participating in a fashion with a LOT of fast fashion sellers, and since it can be difficult to find production information they go for the big names because they're easier to trust in that aspect. (I also have fallen into this trap & have sworn my life to DearMyLove because they're the only big-name brand that is even slightly 6-foot-tall-bitch friendly T-T)

All of that being said, if you want to attach some bows and lace to a frilly blouse and call it girly kei I am absolutely not going to stop you (or honestly even judge you, but again that's just me). The shipping costs are part of the reason why I say the clothes are secondary to the jirai kei subculture especially as a foreigner because once you consider that the clothing is significantly more expensive and difficult to obtain in foreign circles it becomes directly contradictory to some of the reasons why those same clothes are so popular in the Japanese subculture: I don't think the cultural context of the fashion translates over to foreign markets (economically or socially, but I'll spare you that entire rant lol).

ALSO! Jirai Kei Subcul is awesome and has a much more obtainable aesthetic for foreign markets. It leans more into punk and you can use a lot of different pieces for it that are more easily obtainable, so I highly recommend looking into it. It might be a good medium for being able to feel fully like you belong, but not breaking the bank for an outfit.

[tragantia]

Well, it's getting close to that time of the month again, and as a cyclical lunar creature I must complete what was started. Again, Severen is his own warning. My horniness is its own warning too. Not even pretending there is a plot anymore, I'm done, burn me 🔥🔥🔥🔥

Severen during your period - Part 2

- After realising that you were just having your period, Severen made you pull your underwear down and didn't waste a second, licking you up thoroughly until you were forced to tear him away from you. It was getting late, and you had promised Jesse and the others to be back with plenty of time before sunrise. He gave you a predatory grin meanwhile he licked his lips, still wet with your fluids and a bit of blood, but didn't complain.

- On the way back, he was constantly groping your ass and tits, making comments about how good you tasted and how you looked: 'Thought ya looked a bit perkier than usual. Very sexy, baby' and that silly cackle of his, meanwhile he pulled you closer to get handsy again, going as far as putting his hands under your clothes in order to cup a feel.

- Once you're back to the RV, it's obvious to everyone that you smell of blood. Of that kind of blood.

- As the rest of the clan is getting a bit uncomfortable with your smell, Jesse decides it's time to stop in a motel so you can have a few days for yourself meanwhile that goes away.

- During the trip in the car, if you and Severen are sat together at the back, he discreetly puts his hand underneath your skirt or jeans, and sticks his fingers inside your pussy. He wants to finger you really badly, but the smell would be too obvious, so he contents himself with rubbing a bit, sticking a couple of fingers inside, and silently pulling them away to lick the blood.

- Let's just say his leather trousers were uncomfortably tight.

- Of course, this whole situation leads to you and Severen getting a separate room for yourselves. It makes sense, you think. You must smell like a four course meal to them, after all. They wouldn' be able to sleep with that smell so close to them, it was a constant temptation. And Severen, being a gentleman, won't leave you alone during such a weak time for you – he must protect you, he says. You never know who may try what around these parts, if they see a pretty young thing like you on their own.

- Severen is actually really sweet and makes sure to stop in a petrol station to get you some food, some hygiene products, painkillers, and a couple of other things he doesn't tell you about...

- He loves it when you're thankful, you kiss him, and tell him what a good boyfriend he is. He basks in your attention, and gets as many kisses as possible – as he discreetly rubs you through your underwear some more.

- When you get inside the motel room, the real treat begins. He locks the door and throws the bag where he carries your stuff and his to the side, cornering you until he easily pushes you to bed, climbing on top of you.

- He tears off his leather jacket and flannel, and unzips his leather trousers to let his cock out.

- He tears off your clothes and underwear, his eyes not leaving your body, and gives his cock a few strokes before he kneels and gets to work again, with that cocky grin still on his face, as his eyes look directly into yours.

- 'Severen, no, don't... I haven't showered for days now, don't-' You are silenced mid sentence as his tongue begins to tease you, this time without mercy, licking, lapping and sucking as hard and greedily as he can.

- He pays a lot of attention to your clit as usual, but he also thoroughly licks inside your folds, basically fucking you with his tongue.

- He makes you position yourself in all fours and licks you from behind, his face buried between your ass cheeks, his tongue fucking your pussy mercilessly and collecting all your fluids and blood.

- You can hear him grunting and moaning as he licks you up, slurping greedily every single time that you cum.

- After he's made you cum more times than you can count, you ask him to stop, so he reluctantly leaves your pussy alone for a bit and lies down next to you.

- You're just too tired, and in some pain, suffering from cramps. Hooo boy if you belong to the endometriosis club like me, get ready for some tender rubs, kisses, and affirmations from him. He's an idiot and a bully, but he does have a heart, and hates to see his little darlin' in pain. If anything, being reminded of your mortality determines him to turn you even more.

- 'Well, you know what's good for this kinda pain, darlin'? Orgasms', he says, grinning, like he has some empirical knowledge in female psyche. In truth, this is something that prostitutes taught him back in the day, but he's not gonna go and ruin the moment now - he will make you jealous at another time, now he's got you exactly where he wants you.

- He sucks on your tits for what feels like hours, commenting on how full and heavy they feel, as he jerks himself off meanwhile he plays with them and looks at you, his eyes full of lust in a way you had never seen before.

- He would love it if you let him finish on your tits, particularly if you can give him a titjob. He is a very perverted, visual man, and the image of your chest covered in his cum is enough to rile him up again.

- If he cums on your tits, he would lick it up and kiss you, so you can taste him on his lips.

- Will also say something disgusting about milk or buttercream as he does this, because – it's Severen.

- And then, he would give you that cocky grin of his again. 'Time for some cherry pie, darlin'' as you see him disappearing between your legs.

- He would probably 69 you at this point. Licking up your menstrual blood is making him incredibly horny, he gets hard again almost immediately after cumming, and wants you to choke on his dick as he licks you up.

- He's a lot more unrestrained at this point, he will finger you meanwhile he licks your pussy, his tongue going incessantly from left to right, as he fucks himself into your mouth. Even better if you drool, cry, and make choking sounds, he loves it all.

- As has already been said in other headcanons, I also do believe that Severen has a corruption kink. The idea of having you as his own little whore to use as he pleases turns him on so much. He may tell you that he's gonna keep you like this so he can tie you up every month during your period and have his own personal sex doll. He knows it's not something he can actually do, but sometimes he wishes he could...

- He loves to see you completely covered in blood, and the fact that it's your own blood, and your menstrual blood at that... Have some pity, you basically smell of blood and pheromones and sweat, your smell is completely intoxicating to him.

- If after a while you are genuinely exhausted, or in pain, he actually stops and helps you bathe or shower – using every opportunity to touch you or lick you up again... But he's a lot more gentle now.

- 'Ya don' get it, baby. It jus' smells so fuckin' good', before sticking his face between your legs again... 'Mmmh. Finger lickin' good'

- He will hear no nonsense about your looks. If you say you feel bloated, or ugly, or whatever... You will have a very intense vampire boyfriend willing to show you just how horny you make him.

- Expect some sweet moments if you get the sads. He will caress your face, looking into your eyes, and tell you such sweet compliments you would find it difficult to believe that they come from him. Kissing you all over your face and lips, rubbing your noses together and telling you how pretty you are.

- Another favourite of his would be to fuck you, then pull out, then fuck your mouth so you can taste your own blood, then go back to fuck you meanwhile he kisses you and licks up your face and lips, now stained with menstrual blood. If you don't like this – I'm sorry, he's not gonna listen this time, he may even slap you a bit if you moan too much, he loves to see you absolutely fithy and degraded like that. But, he knows it turns you on when he is dominant like that, he will never go too hard.

- He's also bought lubricant and things that he can use as toys so he can fuck your ass meanwhile he plays with your pussy. It would probably be extremely difficult to find a vibrator in a random petrol station during the 80s but let's imaaaagine you have one because... I say so. He would loose you up until you can take him inside your ass, then make you sit against his back, and start teasing your pussy with the vibrator as he slowly fucks you, loving to see his thighs covered in your blood as you get excited.

- If there is a mirror in the bedroom, the action is moving to where the mirror is.

- Again, he's very visual, so the image of his dick disappearing inside your ass, your legs spread open for him, your pussy in full display, and blood coming out of it, staining your legs and his, the floor, or wherever you are... It just drives him insane. He'll fuck you ten times harder.

- Basically, it's an extra intense week. You will be having more sex in one day than you've ever had since meeting him, and that's saying a lot.

- Good luck trying to sleep with him during shark week, he knows he'll have to turn you into one of them soon and it may never happen again, so he's gonna make sure that he takes full advantage of it.

- When you do manage to sleep some, he's gonna spoon you, his arms wrapped around your tummy, his hands on top of where your womb is. Treasure sweet little moments and details like this, it's his way of showing you he cares, without telling you.

- Also, by the time you leave the motel room, if will look like someone has been murdered inside. He will make crude jokes about this too: 'Shit, hope they don't send us the drycleaning bill', 'May as well kill someone inside anyway - what's gonna be the difference?' and 'Fancy pickin' up that gal we saw earlier for a little foreplay? Could of done with a take out meal', he says, in a suggestive tone, with that stupid cackle of his again. Unfortunately, as much as he loves you, he also loves to make you jealous, particularly after such an intense week.

- He's never been able to keep someone like this before, so despite all his crude jokes, his overwhelming sexuality and his attempts at making you jealous... He feels extremely attached to you at this point, both in an emotional and in a sexual way. He will always think back to this week as a kinda honeymoon of sorts before he turned you.

[somethinginthewayiam]

Dress-up

pairing: Chibs Telford x plus-size reader

words: 2477

warnings: there is 18+ content throughout (minors DNI), use of alcohol, body insecurities and self-doubt

Summary: another party at the clubhouse but a brand new outfit with the help of Lyla. Hopefully you will get Chibs’ attention...

link to my masterlist and previous parts

a/n: this is the dress Y/N is wearing. The model is no indication for reader, it’s only about the dress.

It was your first time back at the clubhouse since your late night at the warehouse with Chibs. You had seen him at the warehouse a couple of times, always being flirty, chatting a bit, you’ve gotten quite friendly with him. A bit too friend-like for your taste, though.

You had asked Lyla for help to dress more clubhouse appropriate and to gain Chibs’ attention. It didn’t take her long to catch on to your little thing for him and you needed someone to finally talk to about that night. You had never done anything like it in your life.

“I like the two of you together, I could see this happening”, she said as she looked through the clothing rack at the warehouse. “There is nothing happening, Lyla. We just had sex, once”, you clarified, sitting in her make-up chair, applying some eyeliner.

“But you want it to happen again”, that wasn’t a question. “Of course, I do, it was fucking awesome. And not just because I was a bit drunk”, you said and got working on your other eye.

“Okay, I gotta ask. How big is he?”, Lyla asked you and turned around from the clothing rack. You looked at her through the mirror of the dressing table. “You’re not seriously gonna think that I’ll answer that?”, you asked and raised an eyebrow at her.

“You don’t have to say anything. I’ll just move my hands and you say stop”, she suggested and started by putting her hands together. She slowly moved her hands away from each other. You chuckled and got back to work on your eye make-up while she kept moving her hands away from each other. “Oh, my, Y/N. I’m glad you are still able to walk”, she joked and got back to finding you an outfit.

“I really appreciate the help, Lyla, but I don’t think you’ll find anything here that’ll fit me”, you said and put finishing touches on your lips with some red lipstick.

“No, I know there is something for you. We used it in a shoot once”, she said and kept looking through the clothes. You put the lipstick down and turned around. You were only wearing your black, lacy panties and a strapless bra which wasn’t doing much without the straps but you felt better wearing it, all hid under a silky robe.

“You want me to wear porn clothes?”, you asked in disbelief. “It’s just a dress used in a porn photoshoot, no need to freak out about it”, Lyla rolled her eyes at you. For working at a porn productions office and witnessing the making of porn pretty much every day, you could still be a little presumptuous about it. “Sorry”, you said sheepishly.

“Ha! Found it”, she said and pulled out a black faux-leather dress. “You would have to cover my whole body in Vaseline to get me in there”, you said as you saw the thing in Lyla’s hands. “I bet Chibs would like to help you with that”, she joked with a wink and handed you the dress.

“It got cotton lining, you’ll slip just in. And more importantly, slip out just as easily”, she said and wiggled her eyebrows at you.

Since it was only Lyla and you at the warehouse, you just untied your robe and let it slip off your shoulders. You opened the zipper on the back and stepped in. You pulled the dress up, struggling a bit at the hips and slipped your arms into the mini-sleeves. The skirt ended only halfway down your thighs and since it was a wavy, loosely fitted skirt, it revealed even more when you were walking.

It hugged your waist nicely and showed off your hourglass figure. Your shoulders were bare and the broad straps ran around your upper arms, working as little sleeves.

“Could you zip me up?”, you asked Lyla for help. You sucked your belly in as she pulled the zipper up in one pull. It was a bit tight around your boobs as was almost everything you had ever worn. You pushed them into place and smoothed out the fabric.

“Fuck, I’m good. You look amazing, Y/N”, Lyla called out when she looked you up and down. You turned around to the body length mirror and took a look at yourself.

You looked different, that’s for sure. And for a second you also thought that you looked kinda hot, but then your eyes wandered over every region you deemed problematic about your body and the good feeling washed away just as quickly.

“I feel like it’s Halloween and I’m playing dress-up”, you said and pulled at the skirt of your dress to make it longer. “Nonsense. Here, put these shoes on and let’s go”, she said and handed you some black wedges with straps across your insteps and ankles.

With a deep sigh, you complied and put the shoes on. You took a look in the mirror once more and fluffed up your long, wavy hair before Lyla led you out to her car to drive over to the clubhouse.

 You were beyond nervous when you drove onto the lot. What Chibs would think of your outfit was the least of your worries right now as you were more terrified of how people would stare and make fun of you. At least, that’s what you were convinced would happen.

“Ready?”, Lyla asked when she had parked her car. “No”, you answered truthfully. “Alright, then let’s go”, she patted your thigh and got out of her car.

You took another deep breath and got out as well. You immediately pulled at your skirt again before you followed Lyla over to the clubhouse entrance. A few people were sitting outside on the benches, drinking, chatting and laughing together. You didn’t see any familiar faces but Lyla greeted a few people as you were walking by. Some turned their heads to see who had arrived but nobody said anything to you.

“We definitely have to get a few drinks into you to ease you up”, Lyla said when she saw the frozen smile on your face and the beads of anxious sweat on your forehead. She walked straight over to the bar where Chucky was handing out drinks. You took a look around the house and didn’t see any of the usual Sons hanging around.

“Chucky, where are Jax and the others?”, Lyla asked before you could. “They’re having a meeting in the chapel. They’re already in there for a while”, he answered.

“Hey, Chucky, I can take over if you want”, you suggested, but it was more like a request. Behind the bar was kind of a safe space for you. It was a surrounding you knew, it gave you a little bit of authority and for today, it was ideal to hide all the parts of your body your dress didn’t.

“You’re not supposed to work tonight, you’re supposed to have fun”, Lyla said as she sat down on one of the bar stools. “I’m having fun doing this. If Chucky will have me as his co-bartender tonight, of course”, you turned to him. “I accept that”, he nodded a bit eagerly and made you laugh.

“May I say, the delight of your appearance warms my heart”, he added out of nowhere. “That is very nice of you, Chucky, thank you”, you said and squeezed his arm. He blushed a little bit and looked away. “I’ll get new beer from the storage”, he said and rushed off to the room behind the bar. You continued filling the cooler and handing out your first beers and drinks of the night.

You noticed that a few of the liquor bottles were almost empty. You crouched down to look in the cabinets under the bar if you would find any new bottles before you had to ask Chucky to check the back.

From down there, you could hear how the doors of the chapel opened and the Sons came strutting out. The noise in the clubhouse immediately increased with chatter and the music even turned up.

You suddenly got up and scared Bobby, who was sitting right across from you. Nobody had seen you back there yet.

“Hey, boss”, you said and could see Bobby almost falling off his seat. “Good gracious, doll. Where do you come from?”, Bobby called out. You had to hold back a laugh as you pushed a fresh bottle of beer over to him as an apology. “I’m helping Chucky behind the bar. We’re a good team”, you said and put an arm around his shoulders. In your high heels, you were the same height as him. The other guys were all standing around the bar, waiting for their drinks.

“She’s hiding behind the bar instead of showing off her new outfit”, Lyla chimed in. “No, stop it, Lyla. I’m not hiding”, you waved it off. “Then come around that counter and show the guys what you’re working with today”, she said as she came around the counter and pushed you out from behind it.

You really didn’t want to do it, but you sucked it up, put on a big smile and walked out like you had an ounce of confidence in your body.

“So, what do you say, boys? Am I earning some tips tonight?”, you joked and paraded around in your high heels. “Look at that ba-ba-booty on that one”, Tig said and made grabbing motions at your ass. “You look hot”, Juice confirmed with a wide grin. “The tips will come flying in tonight”, Jax commented with a smile and grabbed a beer off the counter that Chucky had put there.

“Look, you even made Happy happy”, Tig pointed at Happy at the other end of the bar who looked at you with a normal smile. At least normal for other people. For Happy, that was a wide grin.

“Thanks, Happy. That smile means a lot to me”, you walked over and put your arm around his shoulders, squeezing into his side and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Oops, sorry”, you giggled as you saw the stains of red lipstick on his skin and wiped it off with your thumb. These guys made it easy to flirt and joke around.

“Alright, cut it out now, you’re already drinking for free. You can turn the charms off now”, you told them, feeling a little overwhelmed by their compliments. The tiny voice in the back of your head trying to convince you that they just wanted to be nice and that Lyla pretty much begged them to say those compliments.

“I can’t turn that off, I was born with it, baby”, Tig said with a smug tone as he came over to you, put his hands on your hips and pressed a light kiss to your cheek. You liked Tig but that made you feel kind of weird. “Alright, big guy, I got it”, you patted his chest and walked around him and back behind the bar.

From that point of view, you watched Chibs grabbing a bottle of beer from the counter as well, throwing you an indecisive look and walking over to the wall across the bar, getting into a conversation with two guys sitting there.

You got back to preparing drinks, trying not to feel discouraged that he seemingly had nothing to say about your appearance since you were doing this all for him. You put on your brightest smile and kept on chatting with Lyla and some people at the bar.

 Chibs might have been across the room from you but he kept an eye on you the whole time.

 A little while later, you noticed that his bottle was empty, so you poured him a Jameson and asked Chucky to take over the bar again.

“Here you go”, you said and put the drink in his hand. “Thanks, darlin’”, he said and took a sip. You had downed a shot of Whiskey before you came over here to work up some courage.

“Can I ask you for something?”, you began. With a nod of his chin, he told you to continue. “Can you tell me I look good and not as weird as I feel?”, you whined to Chibs and pulled a face.

You pulled at the hem of your skirt again, trying to magically make it longer than it was. “I still feel like I’m playing dress-up”, you huffed.

“Don’t you gals have each other for that?”, he asked back with a raised eyebrow and took a sip of his drink.

“Lyla said I look good but I think she just wants to be nice”, you waved it off and shrugged your shoulders. “And the comments from the guys are not enough?”, he asked further. “They were also nice, but I haven’t heard anything from you”, you explained and made a pause for him to hand out his compliment but he just looked at you. You rolled your eyes and sighed out loud.

“I’m also asking you ‘cause you’re honest, you don’t give a shite about being nice”, you added with a smirk as you imitated his accent.

Chibs cocked his head to the side, scanning your face as if he was contemplating if he would answer you or not.

Then he leaned down to your ear and said, “You look fuckin’ gorgeous, lass. And if I wasn’t such a gentleman, I’d take ya right fuckin’ there on the pool table.” He leaned back up and against the wall behind him.

His words made you swallow hard but it was exactly the kind of validation you were hoping to get from him tonight. You looked up at Chibs with big eyes, seemingly shocked by his comment.

“Since when are you a gentleman?”, you asked and a smirk appeared in the corner of your lips.

“Aye, ya right”, he answered. He slammed his glass on a surface near him and the next second, his lips were on yours.

Your hands gripped his kutte in an automatic reaction and pressed your body against his. One of his arms snaked around you and held you in place, making sure you’re not pulling away too soon.

You felt him pushing a leg between yours and your hips involuntarily started grinding into him, your mind seemingly completely blocking out that you were at a party at the clubhouse, surrounded by people.

He pushed you back with his body and for a moment you were worried that he would actually follow through on his comment, but then he turned you around by your shoulders and put an arm around them.

“Have you ever seen the rest of the clubhouse?”, he said in a voice louder than necessary, making sure that nobody came looking for him in the next 40 minutes or so.

next part Dress down

[dragon-sentinel]

I have already seen my fair share of

"Barbie is great because it teaches girls they can be hyperfeminine and pink and glittery etc. etc. and still be empowered. Barbiecore!! It has nothing to do with pleasing men. Men hate the movie, see?

Also, it's not bad if girls are taught to "have fun" with make-up from an early age on."

And I just get so tired. I wish people would understand the effects and the role of femininity (even the version that "supposedly does not revolve around men and is hated by them") in our larger cultural context and how femininity is part of a gendered hierarchy.

It does not exist in a vacuum and cannot be divorced from the damaging history of femininity's social function as a reinforcement of sexism, patriarchal dynamics and gendered hierarchies.

It doesn't just go away because of a fun movie.

Don't get me wrong. Barbie is a good movie and I am not saying it has no value or doesn't also teach women many good things.

But two things can be true at the same time.

Barbie can reinforce good messages (women can have great careers, STEM jobs, be successful, call out sexual harassment etc.) while also reinforcing harmful messages with regard to other cultural facets such as beauty standards, make-up culture and the alienation of women's natural faces (and this being pushed onto young girls too), fear of aging, having to embody a set of pleasing "aesthetics", wearing clothing/looks that can be unpractical restricting and demand lots of self-monitoring (increasing a woman's cognitive load because part of her attention always has to check whether her skirt didn't go up too high to prevent flashing her underwear, whether her make-up smudged, whether her hair is in place etc.) and spending lots of time, money and resources on beauty and fashion-related products and practices.

Those things ARE harmful femininity. And only because you think a subset of men don't like it doesn't mean it doesn't reinforce and teach these basic concepts of women being valued immensely for their decorative appearance.

(Also, more on that whole "men don't like these aesthetics" down belove because I think this claim also needs to be looked at with more nuance.)

These messages are not mutually exclusive. The same piece of media can absolutely provide very good commentary on one topic while giving bad commentary on another.

"But pink is just a color and there is nothing wrong with glitter."

I agree! But Barbie's aesthetics are the full package of femininity.

Because it is not just about glitter or about pink. Barbie's default isn't running around in pink sweatpants with a glittery oversized hoodie and purple crocs with messy hair and no make-up. Or some funny fantasy clown make-up.

Barbie generally looks conventionally stunning.

She wears carefully selected, perfectly designed beautiful and feminine outfits, styled through and through from head to toe.

And even if there is some ironic twist somewhere in the movie, its entire advertisment and PR are very explicitly focused on those hyperfeminine aesthetics.

Her event and PR outfits referencing iconic Barbie looks and the hyperfeminine aesthetics in trailers and promotional material to grab people's attention are a core part of their campaign.

That is also socialization. It still presents these things as attractive and desirable, as it reinforces that people should find these things appealing and direct their attention towards them.

I am aware that the movie also comments on body odor or cellulite.

I know it has moments like America Ferrera's monologue and I appreciate these things but this doesn't erase the rest of the aesthetic narrative of the movie, which does want you to enjoy and have fun with those pink hyperfeminine aesthetics. It is part of your viewing pleasure.

Despite the good points it makes it simultaneously also wants you to be positively and genuinely entertained by the aesthetics.

When it comes to this, the movie has an "eat your cake and have it too" mentality because they want to (rightfully) criticize some damaging expectations superimposed on women by feminine gender roles, i.e., femininity. But they clearly also want to keep others. They think some of them are not actually harmful but fun, empowering, even though a thorough look at the femininity they promote as worth keeping will uncover that they still have disadvantaging effects on women and keep crucial parts of the patriarchal hierarchy intact.

And in some regards their messages are even contradictory. Because on the one hand they do want to criticize unrealistic beauty standards (see Gloria's monologue) but at the same time even "self-centered" femininity, wanting to look good, feminine, pretty "for yourself", expressing your "identity" with a certain type of feminine fashion, still has the aforementioned mental and material effects (altered relationships with our bare faces because of make-up, even if your "eyeliner that is so sharp that it can kill a man, is for yourself and yourself alone", spending lots of time and money on restrictive clothing and make-up products, placing a significant amount of value on your looks, constantly monitoring your outward appearance).

As women we have learned to lie to ourselves and live with this cognitive paradox constantly.

"We don't need to shave. But we do it because we "want to", because even though "we don't have to" for some reasons we all collectively still think it is unattractive and unfeminine. But hey we "choose" to shave so it's different!

Aging is totally fine! Women are allowed to age! But at the same time we invest lots of time and money in anti-aging products and routines but this time under the guise of self-care. We don't have to of course. We are perfectly fine with wrinkles! It's just an (odd, collective) "personal" preference that the majority of women would still rather look youthful forever. But this time it's different! It's a choice!"

Materially we are doing the exact same thing that we are conditioned to do by patriarchal norms but thanks to the rhetoric of positive femininity, choice and personal preference we do not need to actually change our behaviour. We can let the words, the impressive-sounding monologues, do "the work for us" to absolve us, while our actions remain the same.

At the end of the day, the movie doesn't really deconstruct the entire cage of femininity, its roots, and all the aspects that harm women. Instead they reframe and rename some of the same things as a celebration of positive femininity.

But simply keeping something damaging in place and renaming it doesn't remove its negative material effects.

It just serves as a dazzling, soothing paint job to distract you and make you feel better about liking it, even if it doesn't serve you.

Hence, it's clear that the movie wants you to think that these aesthetics themselves are or can be, on some level, still fun and good.

(Again, that doesn't mean that it doesn't also promote good messages at other moments.)

And the public reception proves it. Otherwise we wouldn't have those aforementioned takes on how "Barbiecore is empowering because it doesn't revolve around men and "women-centered" hyperfemininity is good."

(Though it has to be noted that whereas pink and glitter are inherently neutral, they have been assigned certain meanings, hence when they are used they do serve as social signifiers and messengers for certain ideas. They are like a condensed proxy or short-form of femininity that quickly and efficently evoke certain gendered ideas in the viewer just by having them look at it.

I think sub-cultures are a good example: Goth and emo fashion for women is not considered attractive by many average people, including average men. And I am pretty sure most goths and emos would tell you they wear this kind of fashion for themselves, to express themselves and not to fulfill any gendered (mainstream!) expectations.

But. Within these scenes there are very often STILL very distinct differences in the type of fashion men and women wear. And oddly enough they often align more with traditional gender expectations than they like to admit (even the higher degree of androgynity in male fashion in those scenes doesn't undo those dynamics - the sexualization and pornification of women in those scenes is very prominent).

Funny. One might wonder why this is the case.

So you still have feminine, pretty, sexy, lady-like goth and emo girls who might not appeal to the general public's taste. But within the scene they very much appeal to that scene-related male gaze.

So the basics of femininity are still taught and lived.

And in addition, if for some reason a woman were to change her style and leave those scenes she might let go of her specific fashion sense but she will most likely take the basic teachings of femininity with her: that there lies immense value in her being decorative (for men).

I honestly think many women are in denial about the fact that yes, even their "self-centered" femininity benefits men as it consolidates certain tranditional gendered roles. And I also think that women are often taught to lie themselves (amongst others by liberal feminism) with regard to how much they actually appreciate men's positive attention and feedback (and I don't blame them for wanting those things, that's how we are socialized, even on purely platonic levels. As a lesbian even I notice how much I often value and unconsciously want positive (platonic or professional) feedback from men in particular. We as a society value men's opinions and attention deeply.)

Coming back to Barbie I think all of this can be applied as well.

First, just as with non-mainstream femininity in alternative scenes "Barbiecore" still teaches the same basic concepts of decorative femininity, encouraging many of the aforementioned damaging behaviours connected to femininity (money, time, resources, cognitive load, value of external attractiveness/appeal), even if women believe they do it for themselves.

And if a woman moves on from pink, glittery Barbiecore to another type of feminine fashion these fundamental values will probably remain with her. At best they have not been challenged by Barbiecore, at worst they have been reinforced, but this time under the pretense of "self-love", self-care or focusing on one's self, ostensibly not serving the male gaze.

Second, it is naive to believe that no man finds Margot Robbie's Barbie and her looks attractive in the movie (just like there are enough men who think unconventional, i.e., non-mainstream, displays of femininity like gothic/emo etc. are attractive).

Given Margot Robbie's attractiveness and the fact that beyond the pink color palette, Barbie's feminine fashion itself is not really "outrageous" (vs. some scene clothing) I wouldn't be surprised if the number of men who are attracted to her movie character is actually higher than the "men hate barbiecore" idea wants to make one believe. They may say they don't but in my opinion it's an act to save face and demonstrate ostensible superiority, just like when they call beautiful women "mid". (Also as we know men are very well willing to fuck what they hate; it's just another display of "dominance").

I am actually very convinced that there is a significant amount of men who would totally dig the very same looks she is sporting if her behavior was different.

I believe they hate her despite her good looks because her personality does not align with their gendered expectations of what a woman should be.

So out of spite, as a punishment, they call her and her aesthetics ugly and childish - because they know beauty is one of the things women are primarily valued for in our society, hence it's an effective target to attack.

If she kept the look but acted like a 50s house wive I'm pretty sure many men would openly say how they are attracted to her (and objectify her).

And even if a portion of men may find the focus on pink genuinely childish they can still like the overall femininity the look reinforces. If you kept the same outfit but changed the colors and removed the glitter it would still be the same basic type of femininity. So with regard to fundamental gendered concepts nothing is really challenged here.

So yes, I genuinely think men hating on "girly" femininity is a lot more aligned with the "Margot Robbie is mid" defense.

They are very clearly attracted to her but they try to paint themselves as not interested, as above that, to display their "superior status and power" over her, because they hate her as a person now. (Or use it as an attempted power play to make girls insecure and - as another post said it perfectly - withold beauty from women because women are taught it's their social currency; so if even women like Margot Robbie are relegated to "mid" they feel self-conscious and weak and will try to win the men's favor to receive their approval - and thus be granted some of that withheld beauty.)

In essence, I really don't buy that men don't actually benefit from "women-centered hyperfemininity" and that it is the looks that don't appeal to them as a class (obviously individual tastes vary).

I am not saying that everything that received the label "feminine" is inherently bad. Compassion and empathy come to mind of course and in an ideal world we might also have separated the harmless parts of the aesthetics (cute fabric patterns like flowers etc., soft but also relaxing and practical cothing) from the harmful practices that reinforce regressive gendered ideas and also lead to increased cognitive load, self-image issues (esp. regarding our bare faces), spending lots of time, money and resources on these things etc.

But we do not live in this ideal world.

We need to treat femininity as the thing that it is in the real world right now. It already has a meaning and this meaning won't be deconstructed by elevating all of it and saying that the harmful parts are actually empowering, too, which is what is happening with those celebrations of barbiecore and pink hyperfemininity.

Your celebration of femininity does not occur in a vacuum.

You cannot pretend the social context in which you do this simply doesn't exist because it spoils your fun and pretend it doesn't actually have any unfavourable consequences for women.

It does.

Gender is a hierarchy, in which femininity is an active tool to place women below men.

That is the reality we need to deconstruct.

-----

A little extra that just came to my mind:

The gothic lolita scene used to have (and perhaps still has) the same kind of rhetoric, too: "We do it for ourselves. Not to appeal to the male gaze. Men don't like this kind of fashion anyway." But a) this is clearly…not true. Gothic lolita, including the non-revealing styles (which make up most of the styles actually), is still popular and fetishized by certain groups of men, precisely because of its (distinct interpretation of) feminine appeal. And b) it still ingrains many core believes of classic femininity into women that transcend the fashion style and reflect accepted and desired ideas about feminine gender roles in broader society.

So the mindset of "doing something that is in line with our sexist society's expectations "for yourself", hence it's different and does not reinforce the same sexist ideals" that women often adapt is a common, recurrent cognitive strategy to justify these preferences to ourselves and others.

Barbiecore is therefore not unique and suddenly above reproach. On the contrary. It perfectly fits a commonly found pattern.

[rivetgoth]

Man there is this weird historical revisionism that happens with terminally online “alt” posers where they like, assume that all the cool underground alt counterculture stuff of decades past were easily accessible within the mainstream and nowadays it’s been suppressed or hidden or is even entirely nonexistent in favor of the “lame” mainstream media. And like, I have said before and will say again and again that there is PLENTY to criticize regarding the entertainment industry and arts as a whole in the 21st century, it has not just been some forwards progression of positive change and improvement and I know that, but it also just frustrates me ENDLESSLY because the reality is the things y’all are idolizing were NOT mainstream. You were not guaranteed to walk down the street in the 80s and hear gothic rock and industrial or even more accessible synthpop that remains popular today, there was plenty of absolute shit music in the 80s lol. Movies were not just inherently better 20-30-40 years ago and in fact plentyyyy of major blockbuster hits absolutely sucked shit and there was an insane amount of garbage being manufactured by corrupt production companies. Fashion was not all cute GNC boys with long hair and eyeliner or whatever. It was not like some safehaven for queer gendernonconformity it was LITERALLY the AIDS crisis. And the stuff y’all are idolizing are now extremely popular in hindsight! Everybody knows Nine Inch Nails and The Cure and The Rocky Horror Picture Show and Hellraiser! This is household name media!

I just constantly see posts that are like “back then there was UNDERGROUND COUNTERCULTURE EVERYWHERE and now all we have is TikTok and Taylor Swift and Marvel 💔😡” and honestly it makes you sound like clowns. You are not finding the underground counterculture because it is fucking underground. The stuff you’re consuming from years ago withstood the tests of time. But there were not goth clubs lining every street corner and cool cult classics coming out every fucking week back in the day lol. This stuff was considered underground, alternative, cult, etc for a reason. You are comparing the most successful underground media from decades ago with mainstream media of today and honestly all it actually reveals is that you don’t really care about keeping underground art alive and uplifting the artists who are doing so now in modern time, or even have the knowledge of how to do so. You aren’t finding today’s “underground” subcultures because THEY ARE UNDERGROUND. It takes effort beyond looking at what’s trending on social media or what’s getting major theatrical releases. You have to engage with music that is not even on Spotify, film that at best may run the festival circuit. And, frankly, some of y’all have wildly rose tinted glasses about what good art is and are judgmental as fuck of anything that forces you to expand your horizons-- Alt music genres have a huge amount of fusion within them now. Deal with it. Lots of y’all sound genuinely racist with your aversion to alt music drawing more and more inspiration from rap and hip hop. CGI is a relatively accessible and still very experimental art form with tons of potential and many poor or indie artists are experimenting with it. Deal with it. CGI is not inherently evil or ugly. Genres evolve and sounds change. Back then plenty of the experimental stuff that we find cool now was made with dogshit quality because it was just people scraping together the few resources they could afford to make something. You only think it’s better because it’s older lol. You are the alt TikTok NIN fan Hot Topic equivalent of people who think they were born in the wrong generation because their idea of the 50s is poodle skirts and milkshakes at checkered diners.

I would be less of a cunt about this topic if the result was not a staggering amount of people calling themselves fucked up deranged alt punk gothic freaks only to turn around and quite literally say that there is no longer an alternative/underground subculture and that capitalism has destroyed any semblance of independent or experimental art because they are not fucking looking for it. Which in turn shits on so many struggling indie creators desperately trying to get their art out there within an increasingly tumultuous, hostile, anti-artist landscape of capitalist modern society. Engaging with underground work does actually require digging for it. The underground work you are engaging with from the past is literally no longer underground. If you exclusively enjoy alt music from the 70s or 80s or exclusively enjoy oldschool cult classics that is FINE but I better not see “back in the 80s we had Cronenberg and Carpenter and now we only have Marvel and Star Wars :( Why did they get Bauhaus and now we only get Billie Eilish? Why is there no more community, no more subculture, no more actual interesting art?” as if these are normal comparisons and actual reasonable observations rather than an admittance of your lack of understanding of the way that underground art actually evolves or even a desire to seek it out. Problems with modern industries aside, with social media and the internet and the improvement of technology like personal cameras and digital art programs both creating and finding independent art is EASIER now than EVER in many ways. You can discover enough music to last you your entire life from the comfort of your IPHONE.

[huginn-on-the-loose]

Naturally, much like all others, I have my thoughts about Apology Tour.

Looking at it from production value, writing and all that jazz- it's just so fucking good. I saw plenty of Media Illiterates harping on it for 'not making sense', having 'plot holes', 'retconning characters'- and honestly there is no reason to entertain any of these supposed 'critiques', since all of them either pick and choose what to harp on or their ability to see nuance and story clues is so low it practically hit the bottom of Mariana Trench.

To briefly touch on Full Moon, both Stolas and Blitz messed that one up- but honestly, it was long coming, and I dont think there was any possible way both of them could prevent that, especially as that would require something neither were able to do- and that is talk and listen.

The Book Deal was obviously yikes, and to have any healthy relationship, it had to go- that was a step in right direction for Stolas, who realized that this was wrong, and I applaud him for that. But in his well meaning way, he forgot one important thing- to actually talk to Blitz about it.

Blitz, sadly, has a very unhealthy view of his own person. I would argue, actually, that his hypersexuality is not unlike that of an Angel Dust, because one needs to hit the lowest of low to be able to disregard and be indifferent to their own body like that. It could be its own separate post, but from Blitz's past, we know only of two loves he had- his crush on Fizz, which most likely never came to fruition, and his relationship with Verosika.

From the newest episode, we know it got pretty serious- and that Verosika considered it to be extremelly humiliating to open like that emotionally and have it blow up in her face. Seeing their 'photo' together- the illustration done- where she has a large fat 'NO' over her skirt, it really makes me wonder how comfortable young Verosika was with the fact she was seen as piece of meat- a desirable plaything, good only for one thing, and that's sex.

Blitz, obviously, is a well travelled imp; looking through the 'exes' at the party, there is fair amount of succubi/incubi, shark demons from greed, and some of the goat demons from sloth. Sprinkling of imps, yes- but it wouldnt be a far reach to expect that Blitz had to spend a fair amount in both Lust and Greed ring, to meet those specific people.

People like to talk about how naive and inexperienced Stolas is, while the party is a tapestry of Blitz' own experiences- but like, everyone conveniently forgets that Blitz was once naive and inexperienced as well. Verosika called him a 'selfish imp in the sheets'- partly out of spite probably- but we know the lenghts he went to have Stolas enjoy himself on full moons, and it makes me wonder how much of his 'selfishness' was him being selfish, and how much of it was, I don't know, dealing with another trauma? His vehemence of accusing Stolas of being just like all the other royals, and how he has an imp fetish, felt pretty personal.

25 years is a long time- we know the start of Blitz's major trauma, but there is no telling he had gained many other along the way. Him curled in fetal position after sleeping with Chaz really speaks for itself- there could have been a time where Blitz had nothing to offer to the table but himself, and it happened again and again until sex really became nothing but just another way to pay for something he needs, until making it part of his personality felt like the easier path to take instead of letting it devour him from the inside.

When he attempted to steal the book from Stolas, and then resigned himself to a pity sex because part of him didnt want to hurt Stolas' feelings even as they didnt havent seen each other for so long, his goal was to do it fast- probably his usual way of doing things- but he stayed the whole night instead.

That speaks of him enjoying the night, and when Stolas called about the deal offer, his irration was only about the timing, not the offer itself. I would go so far as say he welcomed it- what a perfect excuse to do something he enjoys without all the unnecessary emotional attachments. Only, Harvest Moon happened, with Striker (who at first was clearly a kindred spirit) managing to unsettle him by insulting his ability to be succesful, telling him he could be great but instead he is whoring himself out for a royal, and then Stolas unknowingly finishing the job. With Truth seekers following the Harvest Moon, where Stolas showed himself to be this all powerful demon while simultaneously demeaning Blitz again, he was already wavering- and then Ozzie's club did the rest.

Blitz, much like Striker, has a very poor opinion of the high class- only he is more quiet about it. With the doubts seeded, he started jerking away in the metaphorical chains he now thinks that Stolas put around him, and started paying closer attention to Stolas' actions, and clocking him as just another royal messing with him- thus taking the break offered from the Deal when he could, as a way to prove to himself he was no-one's pet.

Stolas, of course, in the meantime was grappling with his own issues. His daughter, the divorce, his own depression, his growing feelings for Blitz and the realization just how abhorrent the Book Deal was. Correctly, he realized that this needs to change, and - also somewhat correctly- realized his actions were hurting Blitz. His desire for something genuine and his doubt of getting it while the book was between them peaked when he got kidnapped and Blitz didnt even visit him while in the hospital- trouble is, he never even considered that Blitz might have deeper issues that would act as an obstacle between the two of them having a relationship.

Neither of them knows the other- not really. Stolas has guessed that Blitz put walls around himself to survive, and that the book didnt help the matters; he mentions he is aware Blitz is of a lower station but he doesnt trully know what it entails. To him, those are just two different responsibilities- he doesnt see the discrimination or bias, not yet. He doesnt know about the life Blitz lived, being hated by everyone he loved, causing pain to those he loved, and hurtling through life leaving destruction behind.

Similarly, Blitz sees the surface level of Stolas- the rich, all powerful prince, who cheated on his wife to get a fix. He sees all the power and oppoturnities he never had, wnd while at the beginning it was easy to bury himself in the sex, since Striker and Truth Seekers, he became only more sensitive to all the difference between their two lives. Sees the money, the splendour, sees the way Stolas treats his servant imps and it eats at him. He doesnt know about the abuse Stolas experienced from Stella, about the lack of parental love, doesnt know about his drinking problem or that he is so deep in depression he takes medicine for it. Doesn't know that Stolas is risking a lot in his life to be with Blitz.

And this is why they both blow up at each other as both lack context for each other's point. And they are both hurt for it more because they do, genuinelly, like each other and gravitate towards each other.

We can argue Blitz is being Blitz with his usual self-destructive tendencies- and he is, what's new?- but his frustration with Stolas is understandable, he was completely unprepared for the whole deal suddenly ending, and Stolas then dismissing him without any further explanation must have stung. That frustration continued when Stolas still refused to talk or even to turn to face him as Blitz was getting more and more agitated, finally culminated with getting thrown out the palace.

That is not to say that Stolas' own reactions were not justified. As an abuse survivor, heck, as a person, he is within every right to cut out people from his life if they cause him pain. There is a limit to how much one is able to take, and Blitz not only stamped all over his tentativelly offered heart, but then started screaming and insulting him, and he had enough of that from Stella. Stolas is done being someone's punching bag, and no matter how much he cares for Blitz, he refuses to let that continue- and then, of course, Blitz lets it slip that Striker had tried to kill him before and the sheer pain of that knowledge staggers him.

(Side note, I really think that Blitz genuinelly forgot- that whole expression was him realizing he never told Stolas about it and that the way he told him now was a major fuck up)

Before that confession, Stolas bringing up Striker was pure pettiness- as a father, he no doubt understood that Loona took preference, no matter how much it stung not to be saved personally, but at least he believed that Blitz cared, if not romantically. Now, he was not sure- and suddenly he feels hurt all over again, only this time it's worse, because what if Blitz never cared, not even a little?

Before he had no desire to go to Verosika's party, but after that, honestly, he just wanted to come to different thoughts.

Speaking of Verosika and her party, boy, she is so petty XD; I mentioned this in my other post, but while I understand her hurt and anger, her view of Blitz and any of his actions is very black and white. She villainized him, essentially stripped him of everything that made him a person in her eyes- and that automatically meant that every social interaction Blitz had that ended in a break up had a clear victim in her eyes, and Blitz was always at fault.

Considering the ensemble at the party (really, Dennis? A guy he french kissed like once?), Verosika is all to quick to shit on Blitz and doesnt bother getting the whole story out. Oh you know Blitz and he pushed you away? Welcome to the club, have a cake!

Seems to me, she only snapped out of that mentality after she overheard him talking to Stolas, as her mentioning that he made her feel guilty for being angry at him. Both of them seemed to have a bit of a wake up call- Blitz with his shitty ways and Verosika realising that maybe she was overdoing it (I sure hope so, I mean, burning effigies and violently murdering cake shaped like Blitz really makes her seem like the unhinged ex, not him- and I think Stolas agrees, if his horrified reaction means anything)

All in all, I see this episode as cathartic. Yes, the Stolitz ship is in shambles, but as it was, it could not continue; both because of the book, but also because both Blitz and Stolas are fundamentally broken people that need to take good long hard look at themselves and do better.

Stolas took a necessary step back from the mess that was their relationship and is not letting himself breath- start introspection of his own person because he has his own set of faults he needs to address, and Blitz's accusation about looking down on imps still rattles in his brain.

Blitz, for his part, already knew he was treating people shitty- but now he is finally acknowledging it, and admitting to himself he doesnt want to be like that. Hopefully he will work on being better- even if it means letting Stolas go because Blitz realize he himself is not in the state to be a good partner for him.

I think where Blitz's character is tragic is the fact that the circumstances of his life were better, he would be such a good person. He is loyal, fiercelly protective and sappy romantic at heart. He would move mountains for those he cares about, and is genuinelly happy when he sees them happy. He is still all those things- but sometimes burried so deep it's barely getting unearthed at times- we are lucky to only see slivers.

Going forward, I think we can expect Blitz opening more to others like Millie and Moxie- willingly or not. I doubt ever since the accident, he even had a chance to have a cathartic breakdown over that, instead bottling it all up.

[lolzitop]

I passed my finals and am free from the prison that they call school (for a few weeks) so time to continue my AiStars Rewrite because I am better than Bandai

(also I am prone to forgetting things so if I repeat information from the last post,,,, just be patient w/ me please 😭)

Season 1 (continued???)

Main characters as usual are Yume, Koharu, Rola, Mahiru, Ako, and Haruka Ruka 

I said that S4 only had Yuzu, Yozora, and Tsubasa but we’re changing that– Lily now is also part of S4 and takes Hime’s spot since,, yk,,, Hime’s missing 

Hime disappeared a while before the S4 Selection (so she was there for her second year at FSA and was in S4 for one year, but is not there for her third year when the series takes place) 

Hime disappeared after an S4 concert (the same one that Yume and Koharu attend to in Episode 1 of AiStars)-- and Yume was the last person to see her (and the rainbow power was accidentally given to her here idk how just bear with me) 

Anyways uhhhhh what else 

Brands in the rewrite aren’t under a specific type; they don’t fall under cute, cool, sexy, pop coords specifically (so they can make coords that vary in types) and idols can choose what coord they want based on their preferred idol type 

We’re deleting that one FSA rule where you can’t make a brand if you’re not in S4 because I think that’s lame and stupid and doesn’t do much for the plot anyways 

So some characters still have the same brands (Lily w/ Gothic Victoria, Yozora w/ Romance Kiss, Yuzu w/ Shiny Smile) but some don’t 

Ako, for example, uses a brand that’s story themed– this brand is heavily connected with a film production agency and the agency and brand correlate stories (like if the brand released an Alice in Wonderland collection, the film agency would then release a movie based on Alice in Wonderland) 

I wanted to lean more into Ako’s acting side and thought this would be a good fit 

Haruka Ruka uses a brand called “DECO●LOUR MY WORLD” that follows a decora and candy concept

Oh and she’s also the princess of this land called “E-Magi Nation” (pronounced “imagination”) and everyone thinks she’s putting up a persona because there’s no land called the E-Magi Nation silly! Except no she’s dead serious she’s a literal princess from the E-Magi Nation and her home palace is actually made of gingerbread and candy canes thank you for asking 

Romance Kiss’ official concept says that its a “brand that travels around the world” and takes inspiration from different ethnic cultures, so I was thinking this brand would have a whole bunch of branches in different parts of the world with different top designers and such– Yozora (and later Mahiru) is the top designer of the Japan branch 

The muse of Romance Kiss is in charge of representing the different cultures of the brand 

The school coords in Four Star Academy also has various silhouettes rather than the typical “different tops- same skirts and shoes” pattern 

Here’s an example with an Ako Star Coord I designed 

(I didn’t design anyone else guys I don’t have any ideas I tried with Hime and it was a disaster so please be nice about the Ako design I tried my best) 

Also people can enter the magic fitting room thingie (I forgot what its called HELP) by using their Aikatsu mobile instead of their Aikatsu pass because idk I thought it’d be cool I’m not too sure about this idea though

Lets move on from most of the plot points and go to the end of the season 1 where the S4 Selection happens because I forgot SOOOO many things!! Yay me!

In Wind Dance, Haruka Ruka loses to Yuzu (but since everyone in S4 is a third year including Yuzu, Haruka Ruka gets the spot for S4 next year) 

In Bird Theatre, Ako wins the spot for S4 by beating Tsubasa 

In Moon Beauty, Mahiru beats Yozora and inherits the muse position from Yozora

Its here where Yozora announces that she’s taking a hiatus from being an idol to focus on being a designer (for Romance Kiss) (guys I need reasons to get the 25th S4 Gen out of Season 2 okay bear with me) 

In Flower Song, Lily wins over Rola and Yume,,, however, Rola wins over Yume and gets the S4 spot; Yume becomes Flower Song Class’ admin

TLDR: basically Rola, Ako, Mahiru, and Haruka Ruka are the 26th generation of S4 and are the S4 for Season 2, Mahiru (or Ako I’m not sure) becomes the leader for S4 and we say goodbye to our previous generation of S4 

Oh and Hime shows up at the finale! But like in a super mysterious way where we know its her but no one sees her and she’s just quietly lurking and its basically a hint to her being in the next season

Season 2

Ohohohohoho here’s the fun part 

OKay SO 

The top idol Hime Shiratori has shown up to Four Star Academy… with the Perfect Idol Elza Forte 

Idk why they’re there its probably to try to steal S4 away from FSA 

Anyways Elza does her big performance and she gets her Star Wings and everyone’s in awe and she’s made her name as a perfect idol you guys know the drill 

Hime says that she has returned to help her friend Elza collect perfect idols and get all the Star Wings like they’re Pokemon 

And because of this, she is currently residing in Venus Ark (not as a student she just stays there as a guest of Elza’s) 

The normal shenanigans happen, some Venus Ark characters get their pretty wings 

Oh and later, Hime does a performance (which is her big return back to idoling (which she kinda hates), just for Elza to get her sun wings) and gets the Earth Wings 

A big thing here is how Hime truly trusts Elza and wants her to achieve her dream, doing the one thing she hates (being back in the public spotlight) just so Elza can get her mom’s approval (this is important later) 

But you may be wondering…. if Hime got the Earth Wings… what wings does Yume get? 

LOL HAHAHA GUYS 

she’s not getting any wings 

(I swear I love her she’s one of my favorite characters I just gonna make her struggle… sorry) 

The lineup for the wings goes like this: 

Kirara has Mercury as usual 

Mahiru gets Venus (guys guys calm down I know that Elza has Venus canonically but I swear I have a good reason!!!) (the good reason being that I like Mahiru and Rola together and if Rola gets Mars then Mahiru should get Venus because in mythology-)

Mahiru got her wings due to a plot point in Season 2 where she has multiple muses in Romance Kiss to show the many faces of beauty in different cultures rather than just one– she implements this officially in a festival celebrating different cultures and does a performance and BAM SPR 

Hime gets Earth because it made the most sense to me 

Rola gets Mars and Aria gets Jupiter, like in canon 

Ako gets Saturn (I kind of pushed out Yuzu and Lily in Season 2 so that they play roles similar to Yozora and Tsubasa and Hime in the canon Season 2 of AiStars, so that Ako and Haruka Ruka can get their pretty wings) 

Rei gets Uranus and Elza gets Neptune (because *mumbling* the Sailor Moon ship) 

Haruka Ruka gets Pluto and her wings are made of candy because I said so 

Oh and Koharu’s back! She was in France for a bit learning more about fashion and Elza took her in and now she’s a cool fashion designer who loves Venus Ark with all her heart and having the time of her life 

Aria and Hime also have a sweet relationship– Hime actually meets Aria in Season 2 (rather than pre-show in AiStars), and the two connect 

The main reason they connect is because they were both muses of My Little Heart. My Little Heart was Hime’s brand before she disappeared, and after she did, the whole brand was running around to pick up the pieces 

They had a little reboot and got a new muse (our little fairy Aria) who became the new muse of My Little Heart 

Hime is sorry for the trouble and hate that Aria received after she became the muse but Aria’s very sweet about it with her– they get along quite well because Aria sees Hime as this cool older sister and not a top idol, and Hime is truly at her calmest with Aria 

Oh speaking of brands, Hime has a private brand in Season 2 to avoid the same thing that happened with My Little Heart (she’s planning to leave the spotlight again after Elza gets the Sun Wings) 

We’re gonna skip a lot of plot points because.. again… I forgot a LOT of the ideas I had I should really write these down 

Hime finds out that Elza was just using her the whole time and gets really really upset,,, and pulls a little revenge 

Can you guys guess what it is 

Lol Hime gets the Sun Dress… surprise(!!)

I know Hime is out of character here compared to canon but then again this is my rewrite and I can do whatever I want and I think she should be able to destroy a few dreams because of the betrayal she feels 

And everyone was like “WOAH!! How did she do that!! Gasp!! The Sun Dress is here again??!” 

So the main rival of Season 2 shifts from Elza to Hime

Uhhh skipping more plot points,,, but Yume is doing pretty great! She was kinda moping around after she didn’t get an SPR but she and Koharu made up and created a new brand called “Rainbow Berry Parfait” Yay!! 

So she’s kinda vibing because her best friend is back 

OH MY GOD WAIT I FORGOT TO MENTION 

So at the end of Season 1, because she lost the S4 Selection and was exhausted due to the rainbow power, she took a small hiatus 

She still trains a LOT, more than she used to, so she learns to control her rainbow power again idk how 

But you may be wondering,,, Yume has no SPR nor a sun dress, how the heck is she gonna beat Hime in the finale? 

Basically, Yume and Koharu,,, craft a Moon Dress by themselves– its not given from the system or anything but they literally make a dress that can rival the Sun Dress 

Each one of Yume’s friends help her too, like Mahiru making the crown, or Haruka Ruka helping get certain fabrics? Stuff like that 

And then in the near finale of the season, Yume performs in this Moon Dress (without wings) 

She activates her rainbow power and has a super powerful aura,,, except the rainbow from her aura then goes into her back,,, and forms a pair of wings 

And its sort of basically the system deeming her “worthy” of the Wings of Stars 

Yume wins the competition and beats Hime– so both of them sort of get what they want? Yume is at the top now because of her hard work and now her super rainbow power and Hime is finally lifted the burden of being the top idol 

Also Rei, Aria, and Kirara get Elza’s mom to give her a hug and they sort of mend their relationship from there 

And in the end of the season, Yume beats Rola in the S4 Selection, Mahiru, Ako, and Haruka Ruka win their S4 spots again

Rola decides to go to England to find out what being an idol means to her (and makes a cool rock band because I think that’s what she deserves) 

Koharu is now the top idol of Rainbow Berry Parfait– she leaves Venus Ark and opens a boutique that is also a candy shop because why not 

Ako is the top actress,,, ever; she’s getting film deals everywhere, every movie she is in sells out completely, she’s a big hit 

Mahiru is a supermodel, she’s constantly traveling the world for brand deals; one of the most influential people in the world 

I’m ngl I barely talked about Haruka Ruka,,,, oops I swear I love her 

I imagine that she gets her own talk show that’s super successful- I also remember making her have a rivalry with Yuzu so she probably beat Yuzu sometime in Season 2 but I never mentioned it until now 

And Yume is the top idol of top idols; she’s now the leader of S4 with her super successful career and now she’s just vibing 

Elza and her mom are working to mend their relationship good for them good for them 

Also Elza apologizes to Hime for using her because I think Hime deserves that apology; they don’t end up being friends again but they do end their little,,, whatever they had going on, amicably 

Venus Ark leaves Japan at the end of Season 2 and they’re gonna go to some other country to girlboss and be better than other idol schools good for them 

Hime actually stays in Japan! She now helps with Hotaru’s (Moroboshi’s sister) flower shop! 

Yozora is the top fashion designer for Romance Kiss in the Japan branch 

I think Tsubasa starts an idol agency because I think it’d be cool to have one of those and no one would do it better than Tsubasa 

And Yuzu and Lily make their own idol unit its literally a canon event 

And I think those are all my ideas so far for the series but if I remember any more ideas I’ll probably reblog this with the new ideas 

Also if you read this whole thing, I APPLAUD YOU BECAUSE HUH??? One of god’s strongest soldiers fr 

(Note: I swear the characters, especially the main six, are very close to each other I was just trying to get my ideas out so I didn’t focus on much on the relationships between characters) 

Also I definitely planned more for lore building like the origin of the rainbow power and how the aikatsu system works (because that thing is definitely sentient,,,) but that's all in Season 3 + 4 where there are new characters (,,,,my ocs,,, STOP SCREAMING I AM BUT A GIRL WHO WANTS TO INDULGE HERSELF IN HER LITTLE DELUSIONS!!!) so that may be a different post,,, maybe

(special tag for @elcall, I hope I did Ako justice 🫶)