#then maybe i could live a life of peace

[bloodfreak-boyking]

how to look at your brother number ???/???

[skunkes]

doing figure drawing studies because i know thats what i should be doing right now but also ive been in a very insane deranged state for the past 2 months that leaves me like this whenever i look at a man for too long

[icewindandboringhorror]

Hrmm... put together a roommates quiz finally after years of thinking it would be an interesting idea lol.. Though obviously not meant to be taken super seriously, I just like thinking about this aspect of personality compatibility. Like yeah, maybe you could get along with someone just chatting with them, but living together is such a different thing. .. curiouse...

[gilliontidestriderchampionoftheu]

guys i am slash gen so happy for grefgor and i am actually ELATED that arthur looks weird now

[mixelation]

Hi, I'm new in your blog!

If you don't mind, how do you imagine itadei dynamic? (Especially after know you prefers Itachi as a asshole than a "good guy.

Don't get me wrong, I prefer him like you do)

Hello, welcome!

So, things we know about the Itachi-Deidara dynamic in canon: 1) Deidara is obsessed with Itachi and with forcing Itachi to recognize his "art" (which we can extrapolate to Deidara himself wanting to be recognized by Itachi). 2) Itachi triggered this obsession by spitting rude things at Deidara when he absolutely did not need to be that mean.

So, as part of my interpretation of Itachi, he just says mean things to people for no reason, all the the time. It doesn't necessarily mean he likes you. HOWEVER, since we are analyzing them from a shipping perspective, I am going to say: Itachi enjoys metaphorically yanking Deidara's pigtails.

And now we go into a dynamic I think you COULD extrapolate from canon through a very shipping-heavy lens but which is based more on Vibes than actual canon interactions: Itachi likes watching Deidara's over-the-top reactions. He likes being able to say one (1) thing and immediately having all of Deidara's (screaming) attention on him. He likes that Deidara repeatedly chases him down for murder attempts, because he enjoys Deidara's obsession with him. Itachi is very dedicated to his goals, so I think he'd get annoyed with Deidara if Deidara, for example, interfered with whatever he's trying to do with Sasuke, or if Deidara directly threatened Konoha-- but in general, Itachi finds the cute boy's attentions and single-minded obsession kind of fun? I headcanon Itachi and sort of stupid about this sort of thing, so he doesn't actually know why he gets a kick out of provoking Deidara, but he can't help himself.

(And it helps that Deidara can actually go toe-to-toe with Itachi and then come back for more instead of being someone Itachi can just make cry and move on.)

Deidara also has no idea Itachi likes him. Deidara thinks of himself as a chill, cool guy, but he has a short fuse, and when it comes to Itachi... there's barely any fuse at all. What's wrong with this guy? Why can't Deidara stop caring about his stupid wrong opinions?? Better go ambush him again and try to blow his face off--

So this is the dynamic I think could work with the canon set-up. They're both kind of clueless about their own feelings and it frequently leads to violence and deep sighs from their coworkers. I don't think the different Akatsuki pairs actually saw each that often in canon, so there's not a lot of room for Itachi and Deidara to do any introspection or interact in non-hostile ways. However! That's what fun AUs are for!! I think it would take a lot of words for them to mutually pull their own heads out of their asses, recognize their own maladjusted feelings, and actually get into a relationship, but that journey would be so much fun.

As for the dynamics of an established ItaDei.... probably depends on the circumstances that brought them together? I think Itachi is someone who enjoys the idea of settling down with a permanent home and white picket fence, and Deidara is someone who wants to be ~free~ and is allergic to being tied down, so there's potential conflict there. I can see them as people who have strong feelings about each other and sometimes hook up but aren't ~dating~ due to a difference in life style/goals. But I can also see either side realizing maybe [being a semi-nomadic wandering-nin/having a dedicated home base for art] as actually more in line what they need even if it's not the fantasy life they wanted...?

Also they're both horrible violent assholes so I think the "flirt via assassination attempts" probably dies down, but please don't let either party stop being horrible ninja criminals. :( Like, I like the idea of Itachi opening up more, but the random mean insults never go away-- they just turn sort of mildly endearing like, "ah yes, my asshole boyfriend at it again--" and Itachi still enjoys the screams Deidara makes when he yanks his pigtails. Meanwhile, Deidara's dedication to art isn't ever going away, so Itachi would need to actively show interest and support. On that front: I think it would be kind of fun if Itachi was a mean critic and Deidara occasionally has to begrudgingly admit it makes him a better artist. Also I think Itachi would get real crazy when in love and some people would be freaked out by this, but Deidara would.... he would like it, once he recognized it for what it was. Help them.

[loverboybitch]

Euripides,Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides, tr. Anne Carson

Anna Akhmatova, Poem Without A Hero and Selected Poems, tr. Lenore Mayhew & William Mcnaughton

John Berger, A Seventh Man

Li Qingzhao, “Tune: Pertridge Sky,” tr. Jiaosheng Wang.//.

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

[pepprs]

having some time alone in the hotel this week (which is abt to end bc we’re moving back home tmrrw even though the renovation isn’t finished 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪) and being able to have the bedroom to myself has made me think rebellious thoughts my family would be very offended over. like maybe i listened to less and less music these last few years due in part to the fact that ive spentmore time at home than i used to and i also lived on campus w roommates in a very uncomfortable arrangement and im unable to move freely about the cabin when im living w other ppl whose needs don’t align w mine and so ive just gotten used to not having all of my needs met and always being the person to take the short end of the stick…. but i actually need to be able to sing and dance and draw and do whatever and when im alone (which is almost never) im able to do that and that’s actually legit and as important as anyone else’s needs in a space i share w them. idk if i worded that well but yeah

[coloursofaparadox]

i ✨️cannot sleep✨️ and vaguing about shit on the internet feels more cathartic than writing it out somewhere else. suffer.

[lunasilvis]

Sucks to know you’ll always miss a person in particular ways. It’s not at all crumbling. Just a “damn” - one some mornings, or nights. A part of you (even in a deep hibernational slumber, even after years) will yearn to have them close(r) to your heart and enjoy life with them. Happy to say it’s not a constant feeling, fuck, I couldn’t do that. It’s in the small, unexpected, subconscious moments.

Little thunder bolts hitting the floor on a clear day.

I thought it was an exaggeration so for years I called myself an unfair judge. But fuck, energy doesn’t lie. And you wish you didn’t feel this way. I am not one who seeks out these sort of situations, I’m too relaxed to stir the seas of my calm life in these ways. And I can’t put my finger on it what it is. But you gotta make peace with the here and now, with the life that’s yours, before you. And you gotta continue sailing in your own waterway. That’s what I’m doing, it’s a matter of letting what doesn’t belong here go (and keeping what does). Still, my heart misses you sometimes so much it feels like its chambers will cave in on itself realizing there’s not a single person who’ll ever come close. And I’m trying to find ways now to be okay with that for my remaining life.

[sleepyhomosexual]

.

[hoodie-prince-kid]

once again feeling sadt over not being in kakariko village.....

[swordsmans]

i am sitting in my office with a little space heater, surrounded by half a dozen bookshelves full of books i've bought and read and enjoyed, knitting a pentacle altar cloth for my coven's yule gift swap on friday, looking forward to work at the library tomorrow, listening to my husband putter around the kitchen in the next room...

i wish i could go back and tell the me of a seven years ago that things would turn out okay eventually. that the difficult times--the homelessness, the overwhelming depression, the suicidal tendencies, the recklessness, the loneliness, the grief and fear, the hunger, the cold, the pain--all of it will ultimately be survivable, and that by going through those things i'll know that i can survive anything. that even though i will be fundamentally changed as a person, it won't be for the worse.

i wish i could put her in this room with me and show her that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

[spectralfriend]

when i was younger the idea of a lobotomy through the nasal cavity terrified me but honestly right now it sounds kind of restful

[entangledptsd]

been coming to some realizations about the ol' teenage years and the effects of social isolation, csa, emotional and physical abuse, and religious brainwashing all whipped up into a nauseating salad while you're going through puberty for the first time

that's where a lot of my relationship and sexual dysfunction come from. being forced to confess every single fucking thing to a parental figure who then threatened to go tell the creepy old bishop about "your little problem." as if me touching my own body was some kind of horrible addiction. she made me dissociate completely from my whole body and suppress every natural urge i had. she told me god would only forgive me a few times and then he'd stop after that because clearly i wasn't really sorry enough for enjoying my body at all

and then she just engaged the rest of the fucking family to make sure i never had any time alone, which was the most horrible overstimulating shit ever for my autistic ass. i wasn't allowed any alone time for any reason. shower? she'd always find a time to sneak up and knock on the door really hard just to make me jump and keep me on edge. actually she did that for fun all the damn time, just like she pulled the hair at the nape of my neck to see me tear up because she found it hilarious. she screamed at me when i finally did it back to her though.

never had a problem holding me down to stick needles in my face, feeling me up under my shirt, touching me everywhere no matter how much i hated it and made that clear, pulling up my shirt and bra in front of the rest of the family. people make fun of the weird kids who bark and growl, but it was the only thing that made her back off.

and there was nobody i could talk to, because "family things stay in the family." i wasn't allowed to go to public school or leave the house at all without a parent until i was 17 just so she could control my entire world. i had exactly one crush for about a week until she found out and started tearing me down for it. i couldn't have any friends she didn't personally approve, and she also had to personally approve their parents. i wasn't allowed sleepovers. one time i came back from a church activity wearing blue eyeshadow one of the youth group leaders had put on me because i liked it, and she told me i looked "like a prostitute" and freaked the fuck out. the Sunday after that, she copied her own makeup onto me to show me off as essentially a tiny version of her to all the adults at church.

she was honestly just a possessive jealous creepy gross incestuous pedophile, and i wanted to die. the only way for me to escape was burying myself in a book and getting my consciousness outside of myself completely. even that wasn't enough after a while.

she realized one day that i was getting bigger than her, and she decided to start having weird wrestling matches with me on the living room floor. i'd been carefully supervised through tae kwon do classes but i was too scared to hit her. she always ended up tickling me and sitting on me in ways that weren't right for anyone to do to a kid to win. i just wanted to let loose, crack her jaw, throw her out the window, but i knew if i did that the consequences would be severe.

if i ever see her again i'm showing her what a left hook feels like. she loved to complain about how i was born evil and just the most badly-behaved kid of all time, but sometimes i wish i'd really unleashed everything and shown her what an unholy terror really is.

nowadays touch is still a minefield for me, even just a tap on the shoulder can send me into furious shaking. i don't know how to have sex without ignoring what i feel and just trying to make someone else feel good. i can't cuddle anyone but my girlfriend, and even that kinda freaks me out sometimes.

the moral of the story is, don't fucking have kids if you're going to abuse them. don't even get a pet. collect rocks or something, find a hobby, tie a boulder around your neck and chuck it off a cliff into the ocean like that jesus guy said, but don't have kids if you're going to abuse them. oh and burn your bible/book of mormon/christian scriptures of choice, that's not a childrearing manual.

[babyboybuckley]

Life really is crazy sometimes huh