#there are 42 stories there what the fuck!!

[rowanisawriter]

Hi Rowan!! How about

🥚 Any easter eggs you put in a fic that you hoped people would notice?

🪜 Tell us a random fact about any fic!

✏️ The first fanfiction you ever wrote? (doesn’t have to be a posted fic)

for the asks?

thank you ad!! 🥰🥰

fic writer asks here

🥚 any easter eggs you put in a fic that you hoped people would notice?

so idk if this counts as an easter egg but i will talk about it anyway!!!!!! i wrote this horizon forbidden west fic your hands were made for holding and the whole fic is about two characters who are on a mission together falling softly in love, very sweet and delicate, one wraps his hands for battle and the other doesn’t, each tries to kind of convince the other which way is better… this is a prequel set before the events of the game because right in the beginning of the game, one of the characters DIES and the other loses his arm at the same time. so the fic ends up being a prescient tragedy because the whole time these two are discussing their hands and holding hands and whatever, the reader is aware that one will die and the other will just be left with one hand and the memory of the other being held… anyway i have a lot of comments on that fic and no one mentioned that lol so i’m saying it’s an easter egg and is missable info 😂😭

🪜 tell us a random fact about any fic!

title facts because i love titles!!!!! but as you know my cullen/trev series is called battle studies and each story and chapter is named after some kind of military maneuver or tactic… attrition was always going to be called attrition but ceasefire was actually originally called moratorium, which is the same meaning anyway but i thought it sounded weird so i switched to ceasefire which i think suits it more anyway….

✏️ the first fanfiction you ever wrote? (doesn’t have to be a posted fic)

oh my god… i went into ff.net for this because i couldn’t remember but of course it’s harry potter 🤢 and it was published in 2011!!!! lol i don’t even wanna read it so i can’t possibly link it and inflict it upon you 👹

[mangle-my-mind]

I just watched Climax and holy shit

[aq2003]

looking at my redone 10th doctor episode tierlist and i'm realizing that there is quite literally no such thing as too goofy. if it's goofy i quite literally do not care and if it's goofy enough that it becomes funny it gains extra points . the bad episodes are the ones where i don't like what's being done with the characters or they were boring for me to watch and the good episodes are the ones where i like what's being done with the characters and i had a good time. and also regardless of how overall well executed the episode is if there is a single scene in it that makes me cry it's shooting to the top . also btw the more i think about gridlock the more i think it absolutely bangs. hell traffic my beloved. giant crabs my beloved. story beat of seeing the sky of your home planet again (and how ten can never go home) my beloved. "you are not alone" being something that scares and unsettles ten more than it comforts him my beloved. entire last convo between ten and martha + the gallifrey monologue my beloved. gridlock my beloved

[neighbourhoodtwo]

once again rereading the same 3 scenes of antony and cleopatra

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so theres a lot of posts going round about the titanic wreck and the missing submarines; all of them that ive seen have made very good points about how shoddy the submersible seemed to be and how the company decided to wait eight hours before reporting it, and how this is a play stupid games, win stupid prizes for the ultra-wealthy who paid like 250grand a ticket for this thing.

but what i havent seen any posts about is how the titanic wreck is a gravesite and this tourism is disturbing the graves of over 1500 people.

sometimes its kinda hard to remember that those on the titanic were real people; it was over a century ago, the story has been romanticised in so many ways (like the movie), theres conspiracies theories galore that cloud everything with misinformation, but at the end of the day, those who died were real people.

do you want their names? heres a list of them; its a long read. and for fun, heres another site where you can see photos of the children and babies who died aboard.

their bodies are long gone and their lives long forgotten. all we have to remember them and honour them is the wreck itself. its all we have of them and it is their gravesite. its their tombstone.

caitlin doughty/ask a morticians video on the great lakes discusses the topic well, and why we should leave these shipwrecks alone because again, they are the gravesites of all the souls who died aboard those ships. we rarely have bodies to recover so we really are left just with the wreck.

and what really upsets me about titanic tourism is how the majority of those who died that night were not the ultra-wealthy rich folks you might picture when you think of ocean liners.

61% of the first class passengers survived

42% of the second class passengers survived

24% of the third class passengers survived

24% of the crew survived **

the majority of those who died that night were regular folk; not to be cliche, but they were just like us. titanics wreck is not only a gravesite for over 1500 people, its also a majority working class gravesite.

and look at us now. look at what were doing. the ultra-wealthy can pay the equivalent of peanuts to them to disturb a mass gravesite of the exact kind of people they exploit today to hold onto all their wealth. 

its easy to point and laugh at these dumb idiots in their playstation controller submarine, seemingly held together with super glue and duct tape, but its also important to remember that what they were doing was simply disturbing a gravesite for fun. though the company does research, these guys werent down there to conduct research, they were there so they could brag about it to their friends. its like “climbing mount everest” while your sherpa does all the work.

if you cant tell, i have a lot of feelings about this. shipwrecks and ocean liners are one of my special interests and im currently building a (beginner’s) model of the titanic, for fucks sake. but i would never go down to see that wreck because its a fucking gravesite and we should not be disturbing their final resting place.

[glitterypinkconverse]

─ ⊹ ⊱ IN THE HEAT OF IT ALL

e-42!miles x fem!reader

summary after having an argument with miles, you get mad as to why he always brings up your plushies while you guys are arguing. so, you threw them all away.

request by @friedturtlewhispers ! i accidentally posted this without writing actual story, so sorry your request got deleted 😭

a/n this is a continuation of the 42!miles headcanon from these headcanons! i’m a sucker for angst so ofc i has to write this 🤷‍♀️

warnings angst to fluff, cursing

“Ma, you’re the one who sleeps with stuffed animals at night.”

You two have been fighting over God knows what for at least 30 minutes, and whenever he brought up the fact that you sleep with stuffed animals at night pisses you off. You scoffed, stuck your middle finger up at him, and went to his doorway.

“Fuck you, Miles.” That was all you said before you walked out of his bedroom, and out his apartment door.

New York at night was chilly, so as you left the building you silently cursed to yourself. You forgot your jacket again, as it was hot during the day but then it cooled down. Luckily, your apartment building was only a block away, so it wasn’t that bad of a walk.

His words still rang through your head. That was his only comeback nowadays ever since he found out. You thought he hated it, for how much he teased you about sleeping with the stuffed animals. But secretly, though he would never admit it, he found it cute that you do. It made him happy seeing you happy, although you weren’t feeling it right now.

You thought actually sleeping with them bothered him, so as your mind was overflowing with rage, you did the petty thing.

You threw them all away.

Well, not really. You just stuffed them all in a bag and put it in your closet. But, it felt like you did because your once overfilled bed was now empty, the only thing on it was your clothes, pillows, and obvious blankets.

Your phone was blowing from texts and calls from Miles. You looked over at it and rolled your eyes. You put your phone on do not disturb, charged it, and then got in bed. All you needed right now was some rest, so you closed your eyes and tried to fall asleep. Though, it was hard without at least one thing to hold.

Miles on the other hand, was freaking out. He was pacing around his room angrily, you guys never ended on bad terms. You would always make up, because he knew how important it was for you to have closure. He wanted to make this relationship work, and right now he felt like he was failing it.

“Pick up the phone, Y/N,” he mumbled, silently cursing everytime it went straight to voicemail. He groaned and left his room, saying a quick goodbye to his mom before leaving the apartment.

He walked, practically ran to your apartment where he barged in because you forgot to lock the door. Your parents were out on a work trip right now, so he reminded himself to scold you later on this. But for now, his only priority was to set things right and make it up to you.

He slowly opened your bedroom door, from the light being off he figured you were asleep. That was all until you turned around to look at the light that was entering your room, and groaned when you saw Miles standing in your doorway. “Fuck off.”

He scoffed and made his way towards you, “That’s no way to talk to me, now is it?” He joked, though you weren’t having it.

“What the hell are you doing here, Miles.” You turned away from him, so he couldn’t see the anger that was still looming on your face.

“Whatchu think I’m here for? I’m here to make it up to you. We’re not leaving on bad terms, and I swear by that.”

You didn’t respond, and that left Miles quiet. He observed the position you were in, and noticed your bed looked different.

“Ma, where’s all your stuffed animals?” He asked, concern in his voice. He shuffled around your bed, looking over you and looking at the end of your bed.

“Gone,” you mumbled. He paused in his tracks, looking over at you even though you couldn’t see him. Your back was facing the wall, so he immediately turned you around to face him.

“Fuck you mean gone?”

“I mean, gone, Miles. Like, they’re not here.” He was shocked, you loved those things more than anything. He looked around your room, for any sign of them.

None.

“I’ll be right back,” he mumbled before hurrying out of the room. You rolled your eyes and turned around in your bed again, feeling slightly bad that you lied to him.

However, Miles was going to the nearest store to get you something. He walked down the aisles of the store, searching for the perfect plushie. He grimaced at all of them, as they all looked unintentionally creepy. He decided on a pink teddy bear, as it looked the most tame and he knew how much you liked teddy bears. He went up to the register and paid for it, then rushed back to your apartment.

You were almost asleep when he barged in once again and sat on your bed. “Turn around.” When you didn’t, he turned you around himself and what you saw in his hands shocked you.

You sat up to face him, you didn’t expect him to buy you a teddy bear. You took it from his hands, admiring it slightly. “I’m sorry, Y/N. Y’know, I actually find it cute how you sleep with these.” You looked up at him and smiled, then fell into his arms.

“It’s alright, I guess. Thanks for the bear,” he hummed in response, to which you continued, “there’s a bag in my closet, do you think you can get it?” He pulled away slightly and raised an eyebrow at you, watching as you giggled against his chest.

He peeled away from you and walked to your closet, silently cursing when he saw the bag full of stuffed animals. “You’re full of shit, y’know that right?”

You laughed as he threw the bag at you, you throwing one of your pillows back at him in response. “You loooove me though.”

He walked back to your bed and put the pillow you threw at him back on the bed, and laid down with you. “You got one thing right,” he said as you adjusted in his arms.

“Oh, and also, don’t forget to lock your door. Can’t let anyone taking m’ girl away.”

“Go to sleep, Miles.”

TAGS ↣ @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx

[intersectionalpraxis]

I still can't get over the fact that Prime Minister Trudeau could not let "ceasefire," leave his lips when he made his speech a few days ago at the Embassy in Washington. The fact that he and his PR team came up with, "humanitarian pause," to add to his lexicon when talking about Gaza is just a fucking embarrassment.

Even the UN recently called for a "humanitarian truce," like WTF do these people think this is? A LITERAL GENOCIDE is taking place and 10,000 Palestinian people have been killed in the past 31 days, and so many more are STILL under the rubble.

There's a video of a small child with burns from head to toe, who barely survived a bomb, crying out in confusion and pain. Another video of a young man saying goodbye to his dead baby brother in front of him, completely distraught while flipping through photos of him on his phone. There's also a video of a doctor who IMMEDIATELY knew her daughter was on the stretcher coming into the hospital and multiple colleagues had to console her. There's also a video of a father using his bare hands to push away debris after israel bombed a refugee camp (which they have done so many times, killing hundreds). There are translations on twitter/X from parents saying goodbye to their children, who are no longer in the hellscape called Gaza.

These are just a minor fraction of stories that Palestinian people have had to document to show how they are suffereing because bigoted, heartless, war mongering, colonial-settlers are KILLING them. The amount of violence that has continually rained over Gaza is not new, but what is happening is unprecedented, and is undeniably a mass acceleration of ethnic cleansing.

The fact that Israel has made it VERY CLEAR they intend to slaughter the Palestinian people because they view them as 'human animals' as obstacles to this larger Zionist agenda -the fact that their propaganda permeates all over their socials in ways that are deplorable and dehumanizing. Despite having broken over 42 resolutions the UN created...

These so-called leaders are calling for a 'humanitarian pause," or a 'humanitarian truce'

It's beyond despicable.

[ja3yun]

The Doll House | Sim Jaeyun

doll!jake x fem!reader warnings: fluff, smut (mdni), subby!jake, oral (m. rec), creampie, slight throat fucking, whimpering and whining, pet names (baby doll, pup), begging, anything else lmk! wc: 7.7k synopsis: it's your first week at your new job and you make a shocking revelation that puts your world in a spin and lets you experience something you never knew was possible masterlist | sunghoon a/n: hi! this is the first part of a 4-part series! again, i need to thank the requester for this because i am having so much fun writing it <3 the plot and everything will be gradually laced within each chapter so, while they can stand alone, it's best to read them all. thank you for everything and as always, likes, reblogs, feeback is all welcome!

p.s, please read the intro it sets up the whole story so you guys know how y/n got there and who soonyeol is.

You've been inside this home for exactly 42 hours and 51 minutes and surprisingly nothing significant has happened.

The silence surrounding the mansion is unexpectedly comforting, providing a much-needed respite from the hectic city life you've despised. The constant noise - whether it's the cries of babies, the grumbles of angry men, or the blasting car horns powered by thoughtless road rage - has progressively worn on your tolerance. No one talks about how exhausting it all is.

Maybe this is why people go on holiday, you wonder. Even though you're here for work, there's a sense of relaxation in the air that leaves you feeling peaceful. 

Before Soonyeol went on her ominous business trip, she left you a binder full of strict instructions on how to mind her house. It’s packed to the brim with dos and don'ts such as; cooking exactly 4 meals for the dolls at 5.30pm, placing them around the dining table, and never entering their rooms unless transporting them to their recreational activities. 

Each doll had their own rigorous routine, with some reading, some playing the guitar, and so on. Soonyeol made it clear that sticking to these routines is a must, which included the difficult chore of physically changing the towering dolls in the morning and before bed. They weren’t exactly hollow or porcelain, they were super realistic, their skin had some form of heat to it, and they had some weight to them but not as heavy as they first appeared. You had asked Soonyeol what they were made of but she brushed your question off, leaving you even more curious, the only conclusion you could come up with was sandbags or clay.

Currently, you are in the kitchen, cooking up a meal that none of them will touch. Of course, you didn’t expect them to chow down on your homemade lasagna considering they couldn’t even move their mouths, but seeing everything laid out and untouched after you give them exactly 35 minutes to eat (a rule in that godforsaken binder), it fills you with a sense of unease.

Within the mansion's walls, time seems to grind to a halt unless you make it move, you as the sole animate presence amidst the silence. 

You bring the plated food into the dining room, placing a dish in front of each doll. Despite the absurdity of the situation, you play along dutifully, conscious of Mia's warning that the dolls may be rigged with hidden cameras. To be fair, their eyes do seem to follow you, or perhaps that was just your imagination.

“This is such a waste of food,” you scoff, placing the last plate down to the doll with freckles on his face who is labelled in the binder as Sunghoon. You can’t help but think about all the food that is being wasted when there are people still relying on food banks, it makes you bubble with anger, yet, you’re the one doing it. You could easily just not feed them and just pretend to Soonyeol you did, but again, the eyes that surround the castle could be the difference between you keeping this job and going back home with nothing.

Soonyeol could easily fire you if it got back to her you starved her precious babies while she was gone, and that £5,000 is enough money to get you by while you look for another job, so you’ll do as you’re told for now.

With a resigned sigh, you wipe your hands on your apron and offer a forced smile to the lifeless dolls, "Enjoy," you mutter sarcastically, before turning on your heel and retreating from the room, leaving them to their silent feast.

“Thank you!” 

The words catch you off guard, freezing you mid-step. Did you actually just hear that? Slowly, you spin on your heel, astonishment written over your face. There they sit, precisely as you left them, their expressions the same as before. Yet, undoubtedly, the voice came from their direction.

Narrowing your eyes in suspicion, you examine them closely, your fingers poking Sunghoon’s shoulder to try and elicit any response, but one never comes. 

You could have sworn you heard a voice, a soft accent drifting into your ears. It’s not like it could have been the TV or radio, Soonyeol was lacking in the entertainment department, opting for more classic ways to entertain herself like board games and books.

"This place is making me lose my mind," you scoff, disbelief mingling with a nervous laugh. You are officially losing the plot, thinking the dolls can suddenly speak. What’s next, they’ll suddenly get up and help you with the dishes?

Maybe you just need to go for a walk around the mansion, touch some grass or whatever. Your mind needs some nature to set itself straight. With a final incredulous glance at the dolls, you shake your head, dismissing your fanciful worries. 

Stepping into the garden, you're greeted by the warmth of the summer sun kissing your skin. The sprawling lawn stretches for acres, overgrown yet hinting at hidden beauty beneath the tangled vines and moss-covered statues.

The pathway is clear, giving you a chance to wander further into the field. With some TLC and a green thumb, you ponder whether you could turn this landscape into a true garden, it’s not like there is much else to do, but would Soonyeol be okay with that? Everything else in this house is seemingly stuck in a different century; the large gold-framed portraits, the scatter of porcelain dolls that look like something straight from a horror movie, and the furnishings scream Renaissance. Maybe she prefers it that way.

You are perplexed by the mystery surrounding Soonyeol and her isolated living. A lack of information about her and this home has you grasping at straws. The mansion has no internet or even a good phone service which raises your suspicions about her more. There is only a landline phone that is set to make local calls. All you've learned from this information is why she resorted to placing a job advertisement in the newspaper.

Questions swirl in your mind. Why choose such isolation? Living alone, devoid of company or modern comforts, seems unimaginable. Two months might be tolerable, but for someone to endure years in solitude, it's perplexing. But then again, who are you to judge? She might prefer her own company and God knows there must be a lot less drama.

Lost in thought, you reach out to touch a thorn from a withered rosebush, only to recoil in pain as it pricks your index finger, "Shit!" you shout, instinctively sucking on the wound as blood wells up. Why you felt driven to touch such an obviously dangerous plant escapes you completely.

Sulking back inside the house, you walk directly to the kitchen, the sight of familiar surroundings provides some consolation as you go towards the sink, your injured finger throbbing with each step. Who knew a thorn could cause so much damage?

You reach for the basin and turn on the cold tap, hoping for a little relief. As chilled water falls over your wound, you sigh with relief, the coolness relieving the pain immensely, with a sudden sensation of peace flowing over you. 

The clock's chime breaks through the quiet, jolting you back into reality. It's 6pm so it's time to tend to the dolls again. You reach to get a plaster from the first aid kit, only to find it empty except for a single bandage and some foil blankets. Panic sets in as you examine the seriousness of your bleeding finger; it’s a neverending flow of crimson which only makes you pout, sucking on it once again.

Desperately searching the kitchen cupboards, you find bits of kitchen roll and sellotape. It's not ideal, but you have no other choice. You gently wrap the kitchen roll around your wound, securing it with sticky tape. The improvised dressing will have to suffice; the thought of spilling your blood on Soonyeol's cherished dolls sends chills down your spine. You don't want to think about what she would do.

Stepping into the dining room, you're greeted by the familiar sight: cold food arranged neatly before the four unyielding dolls. Their impassive stares seem to pierce through you, sending a chill down your spine.

With a theatrical pout and arms crossed, you address the silent company, "Didn't quite hit the mark with my culinary masterpiece, huh?" you jest, met only with the silence of inanimate figures. Chuckling to yourself, you gather the untouched plates onto the cart, contemplating a pragmatic solution, "Well, I suppose I could just freeze these and give them to you tomorrow," you quip. Soonyeol said to feed them, she didn’t say it couldn't be the same meal over and over again.

After clearing up the dining hall and putting the meals in the freezer, you make your way to retrieve the rusty wheelchair you are convinced will give you tetanus from the hallway closet. It’s the easiest way to transport the boys from A to B, and you daren’t carry them anywhere in case you drop and smash them. 

As you unfold the chair, a creak reverberates from behind you, causing your muscles to tense involuntarily. The hairs on the back of your neck stand on end as a chill courses through your veins. While the old house has its usual symphony of creaks and groans, this sound feels different, more sinister, as if someone - or something - is lurking in the shadows.

“Hello?” you say whispering yet not daring to look behind you. If you have learned anything from the multitude of horror movies you’ve watched over the tears, it’s that as soon as you look back, all shit breaks loose.

You stand there with your heart pounding in your chest and you scold yourself inwardly for succumbing to irrational fear, "Come on, Y/N, pull yourself together," you mutter, attempting to rally your nerves. But the silence that follows your whispered reassurance only amplifies the unease settling in the pit of your stomach.

With a resigned sigh, you steel yourself for whatever may lie behind you, “Fuck, Y/N, just turn around. If you’re going to die, you might as well get it over with,” you chide yourself, voice tinged with frustration.

Thinking it’s best to just face whatever your demise is, you swiftly turn around, half-expecting to come face-to-face with some unseen terror. Yet, all that greets you is the empty hallway, bathed in the dim glow of the flickering lights. There's no sign of an intruder, no lurking threat—just the same mundane surroundings you've grown accustomed to.

You never thought you’d think this, but you’re happy to see the tiny collector dolls that line the hallway.

A mixture of relief and embarrassment floods over you as you realize the absurdity of your fears. "God, I'm losing it," you mutter, a manic laugh bubbling up from deep within. With a self-deprecating shake of your head, you lightly slap your forehead with the base of your palm, chastising yourself for letting your imagination run wild.

First, the talking dolls, now this unfounded paranoia—it's becoming increasingly clear that the isolation of this mansion is taking its toll on your sanity. 

Taking a deep breath to steady your nerves, you shake off the lingering unease and embarrassment to focus on your duties. 

With a determined stride, you make your way back to the dining room, the memory of your brief bout of hysteria fading into the recesses of your mind. You push the wheelchair over to the table to retrieve one of the dolls, however, a glint of blue catches your eye.

A plaster - suddenly, inexplicably there, resting in front of the doll named Jongseong.

Your brow furrows in confusion, disbelief coursing through you. "How... was that there the whole time?" you mutter, disbelief colouring your tone as you glance between your injured finger and the God-sent plaster.

With a mixture of curiosity and trepidation, you reach out to pick up the plaster, examining it closely as if searching for any sign of trickery. But it appears to be nothing more than an ordinary adhesive plaster.

"Okay, this is getting ridiculous," you mutter to yourself, unable to suppress a nervous chuckle. The rational part of your mind insists there must be a logical explanation for the plaster's sudden appearance, but logic seems to have taken a backseat in this peculiar mansion. 

Surely you would have noticed it on the table when you were serving the food…right?

Deciding to set aside your questions for the moment, you carefully retrieve the plaster and apply it to your injured finger, the soothing sensation providing a small measure of comfort.

As you finish tending to your wound, you cast a wary glance at the dolls, half-expecting them to spring to life and offer an explanation. But they remain as silent and motionless as ever, their enigmatic presence only adding to the mystery of this place.

With a resigned sigh, you focus once again on getting the dolls to their rooms. Maybe if they’re out of your sight, you’ll stop conjuring up these ridiculous notions that are swirling in your mind.

“C’mon Jaeyun, let’s get you to bed,” you say softly as you pick him up with a strong heave. The weight of him in your arms is a humbling realisation that you need to start going to the gym more because lifting a doll shouldn’t be this taxing.

Plonking him onto the wheelchair, you begin to make your way to his room. The corridors grow longer each time you make the journey to their respective bedrooms and with the house being the size that it is, transporting them is the equivalent of taking a quick nip to your big Tesco and back.

Finally reaching Jaeyun's room, you turn the ornate handle and push the wheelchair inside. The room is bathed in a soft, amber glow, casting a warm hue over the plush furnishings and intricate decor. With careful precision, you guide Jaeyun onto the bed, taking a moment to study his features up close.

The doll's face, once unsettling in its hyper-realistic detail, now holds a curious fascination. Despite the initial unease you felt in their presence, you can't help but admire the craftsmanship that went into their creation.

Jaeyun's eyes, a rich shade of brown, hold a mesmerising depth that seems to draw you in and they glimmer with an almost golden hue when touched by sunlight, adding a touch of ethereal beauty to his already captivating features. His lips, full and luscious and they evoke sense of envy into you, marvelling at their perfection. His nose, a graceful arc that sits harmoniously amidst his features, only adds to the beauty.

With gentle admiration, you touch his bottom lip with your thumb, amazed at its softness. If Jaeyun were a living, breathing being, you can't help but imagine how irresistible those lips would be, how you would find any excuse to steal a kiss. The feel of his lip beneath your thumb is uncannily real, its texture mirroring your own, and as you release it, it springs back into place as if alive.

Your eyes dart over his face, drinking him in as you fix his long, dark hair, “You’re so beautiful,” you whisper, the words leave your lips almost unintentionally, spoken in peaceful tones as if frightened to disrupt the calm tranquillity of the moment. 

“Thank you.”

Your entire body goes rigid as you hear the same words from the dining table, mirroring the exact accent you had heard before. The hand that had been gently brushing aside the stray strand of hair now drops to your side, your eyes fixed on Jaeyun's mouth as it forms into a bright smile.

As if gasping for air, you stare at him in disbelief, pointing a trembling finger in his direction. "Y-you just spoke!" you manage to exclaim, your words choked with bated breaths. Panic threatens to engulf you as you try to understsnd what is happening.

Your mind races, grasping for something, anything to hold onto as the world spins around you but there's nothing, and your body betrays you, collapsing to the ground in a desperate attempt to escape the surreal nightmare unfolding before you.

With wide, terrified eyes, you watch as Jaeyun moves slightly, preparing yourself for the inevitable scream that threatens to tear from your throat. But before you can utter a sound, he rushes towards you with a look of panic etched on his features.

Jaeyun's eyes are filled with concern as he gazes down at you, his hand covering your mouth to stifle any outcry. With a gentle yet urgent expression, he leans in closer, his lips forming almost silent words as he implores you to remain quiet, “Please. Shhh, I’m sorry!” he says with urgency, trying to stop you from bellowing out and causing alarm.

Your chest rises and falls with the rapid beat of your heart, your head suddenly feels faint and conflicting emotions wash over you. Fear, confusion, disbelief - all vie for dominance as you struggle to make sense of the impossible situation unfolding before you.

With wide, frightened eyes, you stare up at Jaeyun, searching his face for any sign of explanation or reassurance. But all you find is the same look of concern mirrored in his gaze, a silent plea for understanding.

“I promise, I’m not going to hurt you,” he utters, his body now relaxing as he feels your mouth close under his palm, “If I take my hand away, please don’t scream, okay?” 

His words are filled with panic, a frantic attempt to prevent more concern. When you look into his eyes, you can sense the sincerity in his plea, a glimpse of humanity you didn't think was possible.

For a moment, the world seems to stand still, the air thick with tension and uncertainty on both of your parts. But then, with a shaky breath, you nod in silent acquiescence, willing yourself to trust the doll before you. 

Jaeyun’s hand slowly withdraws from your mouth but is still armed in case you fall through on your promise to stay quiet. Once he's satisfied that you won't scream, Jaeyun rises to his feet, offering you a shaky hand. You accept, noting the slight tremor in his grip, evidence that he's just as affected by this inexplicable turn of events as you are.

Standing before him, you can't shake the feeling of disbelief that washes over you. None of this makes sense - talking dolls, moving on their own accord - it's all so implausible, so surreal. And yet, here you are, faced with the undeniable reality of Jaeyun's existence.

"What are you?" you ask tentatively, withdrawing your hand from his as you study him intently, searching for any clues to unravel the mystery.

Jaeyun tilts his head in confusion, his expression mirroring your own bewilderment. "I'm a doll, you know that," he replies matter-of-factly.

"Yes, but how are you moving? How are you speaking? Are you possessed? Alive? Am I dreaming this?" you barrage him with questions, your mind racing with a million possibilities, each more absurd than the last.

“I’m Sim Jaeyun, manufactured in 2002,” Jaeyun says as though it’s so obvious, which to his defence, it is - the stamp on his back that you’ve caught sight of while changing him is proof, "I'm the model made for Australia. G'day mate!" he adds, attempting to inject some levity into the conversation with an exaggerated Australian accent. But his efforts fall flat in the face of your mounting terror and confusion.

"I don't understand," you whisper, your voice trembling with uncertainty, "How is this possible?"

Jaeyun's expression softens, sympathy flickering in his eyes as he meets your gaze, "I wish I had all the answers," he admits, his voice gentle yet tinged with resignation, "But the truth is, even I don't fully understand what's happening to me. I ended up here one day. The others just tell me not to ask questions.”

As Jaeyun's words sink in, a surge of disbelief sweeps over you, threatening to overwhelm you in a sea of bewilderment and despair, "Others? You mean..."

"My brothers, the ones you've been looking after for Soonyeol," Jaeyun says, his voice calm.

The realisation hits you like a tonne of bricks: all four dolls, like Jaeyun, are somehow alive. You've spent the last two days living under the same roof as these living dolls, entirely oblivious of their true selves. The idea of it sends shivers down your spine, and a dreadful feeling rises in the pit of your stomach.

Every creak in the floorboards, every echo in the halls - you had chalked them up to the ageing mansion itself. But now, you realise that they were caused by these living dolls moving about, silently watching and listening to your every move.

You contemplate the idea that you're going insane because the stress and isolation of the mansion have finally taken their toll on your sanity. But deep down, you know that this is far too real to be a figment of your imagination.

Sensing your distress, Jaeyun guides you to sit beside him on the bed, his touch gentle yet strangely disconcerting. A doll is offering you comfort while your mind is in a whirlwind of emotions that threaten to overwhelm you. In what world is any of this normal?

His thumb strokes the back of your hand as you sit in silence. A small smile creeps on his face and a blush somehow paints itself on the apples of his cheeks as he remembers your earlier comments.

“You think I’m beautiful?” he asks gently, drawing you back into reality from the maze of your mind.

“What?”

"You said I was beautiful," he repeats, his tone gentle yet earnest, his eyes filled with a quiet joy. Jaeyun's smile widens slightly, his body shifting to fully face you.

As you finally meet his gaze, the weight of his words settles upon you, and you see just how much your earlier compliment meant to him. The twinkle in his eye reflects a depth of emotion that mirrors that of a human, his happiness evident in the way his features soften and his eyes light up with warmth. If he was beautiful before, he is otherworldly now.

“Yeah…you are,” you confess, now reciprocating his blush.

Jaeyun's hand gently cups your cheek, his touch sending a shiver down your spine and you can't help but feel something blossom within you. His palm, slightly cool against your flushed skin, serves as a reminder of the surreal reality in which you find yourself.

Jaeyun's lips suddenly meet yours, enveloping you with his gentle kiss. Touching his lips earlier paled in comparison to the sensation of his soft, plump mouth moving against yours, and it sends a shiver of pleasure coursing through your veins; for a fleeting moment, you allow yourself to be swept away by the intensity of the moment.

But as reality crashes back down upon you, the weight of what you're doing comes crashing down.

This is a doll, not a real person.

You push Jaeyun away and your mind suddenly clears, “What are you doing, Jaeyun?” you ask both perplexed by his actions and a little disgruntled by yours.

His wide eyes only serve to make you feel guilty, there’s a tinge of hurt in them along with confusion. His hand removes itself from your face, leaving your cheek cold and craving his touch again.

"Soonyeol says I should kiss when I want to show my appreciation," Jaeyun explains, his voice tinged with confusion and a defeated tone that tugs at your heartstrings. It's clear that he's not accustomed to being rejected like this, his owner obviously giving him what he wants.

Now that you think about it, Soonyeol must know they’re real, meaning she has relationships with these dolls. Granted, you figured that out when you were undressing them and saw they are anatomically correct, but now this is a whole new layer. She has formed connections with them that go beyond using the dolls for her pleasure. 

"Isn't it cheating?" you ask, locking eyes with Jaeyun, ignoring your swift realisation of the risk. Those beautiful brown eyes seem to draw you in, inviting you to forget all reason and succumb to the burning need between you.

He shakes his head slowly, a tinge of hesitation in his eyes as he chews his lip, "No. Soonyeol shares us, which means I can be shared. It's how it works," he says, his words laced with desperation as he tries to defend his actions. He knows Soonyeol won’t see it that way, but he needs you for his own selfish pleasure; he can’t wait two months until his minder comes back.

However, the rational half of your mind perks up one last time, refusing to be influenced by Jaeyun's words, forcing you to express the painfully evident reality that lies between you, "You're a doll, Jaeyun," you say, the words thick with reality.

However, as if feeling your wavering resolve, Jaeyun's demeanour changes, his puppy-like appearance giving way to one of mischief and longing. With a sudden boldness, he comes in closer, your noses touching as your breath hits his lips.

"I'm a doll with everything you need," he says seductively, sending shivers down your spine as his luscious lips brush against yours with each syllable. 

Your heart races as Jaeyun's proximity overwhelms your senses. Despite the nagging voice of reason in the back of your mind, you find yourself unable to resist the magnetic pull of his presence.

As Jaeyun leans in for another kiss, his persistence and gentle touch send a rush of heat coursing through your body. You find yourself melting into his embrace once more, unable to resist his lips on yours. His smile against your mouth fills you with something beautiful.

His hand finds your cheek, his touch tender yet possessive as he deepens the kiss, sending your senses reeling. The surreal sensation of his tongue, colder than any other person's you’ve had the pleasure to kiss, intertwining with yours only adds to the intensity of the moment.

But as the kiss grows more passionate, you feel Jaeyun's hands begin to roam, his touch becoming more urgent and insistent. The way he impatiently tugs at the hem of your t-shirt and his hips practically humping the air through desperation, heightens your own arousal.

You draw back, taking your shirt off, giving him what he wants. Jaeyun's eyes light up in delight at the sight before him, his gaze raking over your exposed skin with hunger. Without hesitation, his hand instinctively reaches out to touch you, his fingers grazing over the fabric of your bra as he seeks to explore every inch of your body.

“You’re so pretty,” he whispers, as he stares up at you. You understand why he’s so used to getting his way, that face of his could start wars if he asked. 

With a soft smile, your fingers continuing to thread through his hair with a gentle touch, "Nothing in comparison to you," you confess, your words spoken with genuine admiration.

Jaeyun's response is a soft whimper, his body trembling slightly under your touch as he leans into your caress. It's clear that he thrives on the affection and validation you offer him, cherishing every compliment and sweet gesture. He isn’t going to take control of this situation, he wants you to lead him, to make him feel like he is yours.

And he looks so fuckable right now.

Feeling emboldened by the rush of desire coursing through your veins, you seize the opportunity to take control of the situation. With a newfound confidence, you gently push Jaeyun back onto the bed, straddling him as you hover above.

His eyes widen in surprise, a mix of anticipation and excitement flickering in their depths as he watches you with rapt attention. With a playful glint in your eyes, you lean down to capture his lips in a searing kiss, your hands trailing down his chest and exploring every contour of his body.

Jaeyun responds eagerly, his hands roaming over your back as he returns your kiss with equal fervour. But as the heat between you intensifies, you can sense his longing for more, his desire for you palpable in every touch and caress.

You plaster on a mischievous smile and lean back slightly, teasingly tracing your fingers along the waistband of his pants. He hitches in anticipation, his eyes darkening with desire as he silently urges you to continue.

With deliberate slowness, you begin to unbutton his pants, savouring the feeling of power that courses through you with each movement. As the fabric falls away, you're met with the sight of his cock outline, his arousal evident in the way he strains against the confines of his underwear.

You lean down to press your lips against his neck, trailing soft kisses along his jawline as you whisper in his ear, "Do you want me to look after you, baby doll?"

He mewls out and nods quickly, knowing that is the only thing he needs right now. Your touch is different to Soonyeol’s, yours is filled with a new fire that you’re discovering, while Soonyeol’s is experienced and knows of Jaeyun’s wants and needs. He can’t deny that he feels even more alive than before right now.

Trailing one finger over his clothed cock, you apply pressure as you reach his tip, causing him to whine out. You aren’t typically in charge in the bedroom but you can’t deny how easy it is when Jaeyun is underneath you, silently begging for you to claim him.

You pull down his boxers, seeing his cock in a new light. Honestly, you tried not to stare at it too long when you changed him but you knew whatever Soonyeol had ordered, she ordered it with herself in mind. He was average-sized but curved to the right, meaning he could hit places some others couldn’t; even the thought made your mouth water.

There’s a desire to know how his cock is standing to attention considering there isn’t any blood in his body, but this whole situation defies logic so what’s one more question to add to the pile? All you can really think about is how good having him inside you will feel.

Grabbing his length, you begin to pump him gently, still trying to navigate how fragile he is and how far you can take this. He isn’t made of glass but you still need to be careful. 

His reaction is immediate, his jaw slackening as you pick up the pace, your movements becoming more assured. Jaeyun’s legs kick slightly as his body involuntarily moves under your touch, desperate for more than you’re offering him.

Sensing his need, you lean in and give his cock a teasing lick before spitting on it, slickening the surface to make your motions even smoother. His breath hitches at the sensation, a low groan escaping his lips as he arches into your touch, craving more of the pleasure you're giving him.

With a hunger that matches his own, you release him from your grip and lean down, taking him into your mouth with a slow, deliberate motion. His gasp fills the air as you envelop him, the wet heat of your mouth sending shivers down his spine.

"Y/N..." Jaeyun's voice is barely a whisper, filled with a mix of disbelief and pleasure.

You glance up at him, meeting his gaze with a smouldering intensity before returning your focus to the task at hand. With practiced skill, you move your lips and tongue in tandem, exploring every inch of him with a fervour that leaves him trembling. 

There is an urge to look after him, with each whine and whimper he screeches out in response to your tongue flicking over his tip, you want to cherish him as your own. You carefully watch his face to make sure he is enjoying himself which clearly he is, his eyes screwed shut and chest heaving despite the lack of air.

Pushing his length further into your mouth, you feel the tip of him hit the back of your throat, piercing your tonsils as they involuntarily try to swallow around him. You switch between bobbing your mouth and enveloping his whole cock down your throat, staying there for a moment as you nuzzle your nose against his lower abdomen.

His fingers thread through your hair, a silent plea for more as you continue to lavish attention on him, each suck and swirl of your tongue pushing him closer to the edge of ecstasy.

"Oh god, Y/N," he groans, his voice thick with need. "I-I can't... I'm gonna..."

Can he cum? Like physically, is your mouth about to be filled with doll cum? You’re going to find out eventually.

But who says he can get everything he wants just at the bat of an eyelid?

You pull back slightly, your lips glistening with saliva as you gaze up at him with a wicked grin. "Not yet," you tease, your voice husky from the beating your throat has just taken, "I want to hear you beg for it.”

His eyes widen with anticipation, a need burning in their depths as he watches you, “But Soonyeol always lets me cum,” he pouts, the edges of his mouth drooping down.

“I’m not Soonyeol though, am I?” you retort, your hand stroking him again, “I can stop completely if you want?” 

Jaeyun doesn’t like that idea, shaking his head manically and chanting ‘no’ as he looks at you with pleading eyes. His minder is kind, always giving him the pleasure he needs when he wants it, so this is new to him, yet, he can’t help but find some pleasure in the prolonging of his orgasm.

“Come on, baby doll, beg for it,” you murmur against his tip, looking up at him through hooded eyes as you tease the tip of his cock.

His breath catches in his throat at your words, his mind a haze of desire as he struggles to find his voice, "Please, Y/N," he gasps, his voice thick with need, "Please let me cum. I need it, I need you so bad."

The desperation in his voice and his tiny weeps send a shiver down your spine, and with a satisfied smirk, you relent, taking him fully into your mouth again. 

You aren’t like this in bed but he just manages to bring out this side of you and you can’t complain about it. 

As Jaeyun's fingers tangle in your hair, a shiver of anticipation courses through you, heightened by the primal instinct driving his actions. You feel the tension building in his body, his movements becoming more urgent as he approaches the brink of release.

With a final tug at your roots, he tightens, his balls drawing up as he releases into your mouth with a guttural groan of pleasure. His hips buck uncontrollably, driving himself deeper into your throat as he rides the waves of ecstasy coursing through him.

You surrender to the moment, allowing him to take control as he thrusts into your mouth, his movements are rough yet achingly intimate. Each sensation sends sparks of pleasure racing through you, mingling with the taste of him on your tongue as he spurts his essence. It’s not exactly cum, it doesn’t taste like it, but it’s filling your mouth up, some of it dripping out onto the bed below you.

And as he finally reaches the peak of his pleasure, his body trembling with the force of his release, you swallow him down, accepting him completely. You lap up the last few drops before giving a gentle kiss on his bell, smiling slightly as you relish in your work.

Jaeyun’s face exhibits one of pure bliss, his grin wide and his eyes closed. He looks so ethereal right now, your only wish is to cater to him. Soonyeol must have her hands full if she does this with all of them, no wonder she would need two months off.

Sitting up, his hands pull at your jeans, unbuttoning them with determination but you stop him, “Jaeyun, what are you doing?” you ask.

“I’m going to fuck you, is that not okay?” Jaeyun’s eyes have that spark in them just like before but more intense, like he’s bursting to the brim with happiness.

You can see the determination in Jaeyun's eyes, the fire of desire burning bright despite the recent climax. His eagerness to please you matches your own desire to cater to him, but you can't help but feel a twinge of apprehension.

"Are you not tired, Jaeyun?" you reply gently, placing a hand on his cheek to capture his attention, “I don't want to push you too far."

Jaeyun's expression softens at your words, his gaze meeting yours with unwavering sincerity, “I’m a doll, Y/N, I don’t get tired.”

Damn, maybe you should invest in one of these unalive-alive dolls with the £5,000 you’ll get from this job.

He sees your astonishment and laughs softly, his teeth on full display, “You’re so fucking pretty when you’re confused, Y/N,” his voice is back down to a whisper, his hand enclosing yours on his cheek as he nuzzles into it. Jaeyun knows how to use his charm to get what he wants but it’s significantly easier when the person he is trying to persuade wants it just as much as he does.

You find yourself nodding in agreement, unable to resist his enticement. With a shared understanding, you move in to capture his lips in yours, sealing the moment with a delicate kiss.

His hands go back to work, pulling at your jeans to take them off of your hot body. You help him out, pulling away from his mouth to undress yourself, leaving you both naked and wanting nothing more than to be entangled in one another.

“Wow,” he utters as his eyes trail your body from head to toe. His owner is beautiful but you have something about you that is sucking him in, the curve of your hips and the stretch marks on your thighs; you’re a vision he never wants to forget.

You turn scarlet as you see him staring at you, suddenly feeling less confident than before. But he quickly eases your mind as he licks his lips and pulls you into his lap, placing you to sit right on his cock, “I think you were wrong earlier,” he mutters into your shoulder as he places kisses along your chest.

“What do you mean?” Confusion lingers in your mind as you process his words, your fingers instinctively tangling in his hair as you look down at him with a mixture of surprise and affection.

“When you said you weren’t as beautiful compared to me. I think you’re so wrong,” he admits in a hushed tone, hands roaming along your waist and down to your thighs, feeling every inch of you.

Leaning down, you kiss him again except this time, you grind your hips, letting his cock slide between your folds and his tip brush against your clit teasingly. The action makes you both groan out in lust, wanting nothing more than to be tangled in one another. 

Jaeyun lightly slaps your ass to signal you to hover slightly, ready to dive into you. He hasn’t had sex with anyone other than Soonyeol so his eagerness is palpable, his mouth fighting a bright smile akin to a puppy.

Once you’re above him, he guides his cock to your hole and sharply pushes into you, causing you to fall forward onto his chest.

He enthusiastically bucks his hips up into you, ensuring that he is catering to every inch of your pleasure. Although he enjoys being looked after and cared for, he will always reciprocate; your enjoyment is as important to him as his own.

It's funny how different he is with you than with his owner; with you, he wants nothing more than to impress you, evident by the way he's focused on fucking into you, but with Soonyeol, he does whatever he wants to give her pleasure but there's no need to put in massive amounts of effort.

You feel his dick pressing deep into you, that curve that you noticed earlier is now doing wonders against your walls. Meeting his thrusts, you bounce on him, your hands gripping his shoulders as you pick up your pace. 

The sound of your skin slapping against Jaeyun is like music to his ears, the smile he was trying to fight off now splitting his face, the joy of fucking you so obvious from his expression. He wants to do this forever.

Looking down, you see him lost in glee and lust as he continues to thrust up into you at a fast pace, his gaze down at where you’re pussy is sucking him in. Gently, you lift his face to look at you, his wide gleaming eyes now staring into yours.

“You’re doing so good, pup,” you assure him, kissing the tip of his nose. He feels his non-existant heart soar at your words, his face radiant with your praise. And you weren’t just saying it, he truly was sensational, probably the best you’ve had in a long time. 

Jaeyun takes your words of appraisal and uses them to fuck into you harder, his mouth now attached to your nipple and he sucks and licks at it like a man starved.

You can feel that familiar coil in your stomach that signifies you’re close to release. Snaking your hand down to your clit you begin to rub circles on it quickly, but as soon as Jaeyun notices, he nudges your hand away and takes care of it himself, rubbing and pinching it between his thumb and pointer finger.

Throwing your head back, your breathing stops momentarily as you push out your orgasm, your wetness coating your inner thighs and his cock as you cum harshly around him, “Jaeyun, fuck!” you cry, hands gripping any part of Jaeyun they can.

Jaeyun shudders as you clench around him, spilling himself into your heat along with you. He rubs his face desperately against your tits, relishing in the feeling of you against him. He has this aching need to be as close to you as possible.

Both of you are in complete and utter bliss as you hold one another, coming down from your highs.

As Jaeyun peppers open-mouthed kisses along your neck, he savours the sensation of your heartbeat, saddened slightly by his lack of. If he had one, he wished you could hear how loudly it was beating from pure satisfaction and tenderness.

"That was incredible, Y/N," he murmurs against the curve of your nape, his smile pressing warmly against your skin.

You tenderly kiss the top of his head and linger there for a moment, your fingers tracing light strokes along his back. But as the clock chimes once again, signalling the passage of time, reality intrudes upon your blissful moment.

"Fuck, I need to get the others to bed," you say regretfully, reluctantly withdrawing yourself from Jaeyun's embrace. The air feels colder now that night is settling in, and the absence of his touch leaves you longing for his warmth.

Jaeyun watches you with a mixture of understanding and longing as you get dressed, his gaze following your movements with a hint of reluctance, he wants you to stay beside him the way Soonyeol does, to look after him a little longer.

Before you part ways, Jaeyun reaches out to gently grasp your hand, "Y/N," he begins, his voice soft yet filled with urgency, "Please, don't tell the others. We aren’t supposed to tell you, and they already think I’m incapable of keeping a secret,” he says disheartened, the last sentence laced with vulnerability.

His plea catches you off guard, but you can see the sincerity in his eyes. Kneeling beside the bed, you take his hand into yours and kiss it softly, “I promise, I will not tell anyone, okay?” you reassure him, punctuating your sentiment with a smile, “This stays between us.”

It’s a promise not only to him but also to yourself. At the end of the day, no matter how good it was, you fucked a doll - an alive one, but still a doll. 

With a grateful smile, Jaeyun leans in to press a gentle kiss against your lips, a silent gesture of gratitude for your understanding, “Thank you, Y/N. This won’t be the last time, will it?” he asks tentatively, trying to seek out how you might feel about the entirety of the situation.

You weigh up the question in your mind. On one hand, you would have someone to talk to and indulge in, but on the other, it’s risky and if Soonyeol found out, you know there would be hell to pay.

“Let’s just see how it goes, pup,” you say vaguely, kissing his forehead one more time.

This mansion is filled with secrets that you need to uncover, and you have two months to do it.

taglist: @nshmrarki @kgneptun @ui11iane @addictedtohobi @parksunghoonsgf @chaewonshoney @chiiiiiiiiis @lilyuwon @rayofsunshineeee @moon7jay @erehkinnie30 @brownsugarbaybee @minniejenseo @woninluv @jaysluvs @fakeuwus @capri-cuntz @ash024 @who-tf-soddhi @bambangan @vousty @heeseungspookie @alvojake @yorukoshii @haechonly @riftanswhore @belowbun @emikotakayami @branchrkive @featjunranghae @thejjrl @nyxtwixx @sunghoonnsupremacy @nctislifue @itsnikitty @enhypenlovre

[archiverstappen]

the cat sitter (part 15) ✧ max verstappen

max verstappen x fem! reader

previous part | masterlist

loosely inspired by the story on how max lost his cat

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maxverstappen1

liked by charles_leclerc and 2.827.515 others

maxverstappen1 🐈

view all 1.736 comments

landonorris Never beating the crazy cat lady allegations

danielricciardo 😍

yourusername i miss you ed, edd, and eddy. gone... but never forgotten 😿

↳ maxverstappen1 you named them?

↳ yourusername yes? 🤷‍♀️

username i dont care guys this is enough sign for me, it’s canon

username please tell me that she at least kept one of those cats

↳ yourusername maximus won’t let me keep them 💔

↳ maxverstappen1 Pretty sure that’s illegal 🤗

bffusername so is this the reason why you always take so long on your dates? because y/n can’t resist touching every single cat on the streets? [deleted]

bffusername cool pics! 😁👍

↳ yourusername ouH GIRL WHEN I CATCH YOU

↳ username PLEASE TELL ME THAT I WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW THE DELETED COMMENT 😭

username don’t know about you guys but the hand on her head awakened something feral in me

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yourusername

liked maxverstappen1 and 231 others

yourusername these are a few of my favorite things 🫧 🤍 🎶

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landonorris He got game after all

↳ yourusername unlike you

↳ landonorris OUCH??

↳ maxverstappen1 😂

maxverstappen1 Lovely 🤍

bffusername this cake looks way better than maximus' birthday cake, progress!! 💪🏼

↳ yourusername 😎

bffusername now i'm curious, what did you say during mario kart? 🤔

↳ maxverstappen1 A lot of curse words

victoriaverstappen Enjoy your holiday guys, see you soon! 🧡

↳ yourusername MAX AND I WANT TO BABYSIT LUKA AND LIO AGAIN!!

↳ maxverstappen1 Y/N......

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername and 2.103.273 others

maxverstappen1 More passion, more energy ❄️

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yourusername i kinda hate you right now ngl

↳ maxverstappen1 She's so brave, she's well behaved, she's not afraid 💪🏼

↳ yourusername HUSH

yourusername delete??? or i'll post a video of you dancing to 'paint the town red'??

↳ maxverstappen1 YOU WOULDN'T DARE

↳ yourusername I SAID WHAT I SAID 👹

↳ username y/n i would give you my cat if i could see a video of max doing a tiktok trend 🧎‍♀️

↳ yourusername check your dm please xoxoxoxo

yourusername MORE FOOTWORK MORE FOOTWORK 🕺🏽

charles_leclerc 😂

alex_albon Fucking finally 😮‍💨

landonorris I called dibs on being captain of the ship

↳ bffusername hi there, sorry to bother you. y/n's bff here. that position is already taken 🙏

↳ username speak uP? danielricciardo

↳ danielricciardo I don't engage in useless banter, I already have the position of being the godfather of their future child 😁

↳ landonorris exPLAIN??? maxverstappen1 yourusername

username the fact that this post has better engagement than max's wdc post i-

username now we know how max knew all of the viral tiktok sounds 😭

↳ yourusername we're planning to make a tiktok couple account

↳ username ?!??!?!??!?!??! ARE YOU FOR REAL

↳ yourusername please don't take it seriously, I WAS JOKING 😁🙏

--

author's notes: eden the scammer is back after 2 months guys, so sorry for making you guys wait too long (and giving you guys false hope) 👹 really hope you guys liked this one hehe, i also take additional request for tcs!! (but as you probably know, it's gonna take me 8273 years to finally post it). there are some references from my lando series in this part, so if you're interested you can also check it out 😙 LOVE YOUUUWWW, now i will hibernate for another 5 months 🤸‍♀️

taglist: @flwr-stella @reidsworld @myloverjk-blog @debss-319 @hiraethrhapsody @electrobutterfly @love4lando @lunnnix @allenajade-ite @jjsprobablywrong @whoreks @soleilgrec @oscarwildingsworld @christianpulisic10 @thievin-stealing @glitterf1 @elliegrey2803 @trouble-sistar @escapism-writer @cornerofacry @hollie911 @weasleyswizarding-wheezes @ad-astra-again @canyon-lwt @thecubanator2 @lifesuckslife @leclercloml @sunny44 @nmw-am @sachaa-ff @multilovebot @glow-ish @moneygramhaas @whitefireproofs @icarus-nex @iloveyou3000morgan @ccallistata @copper-boom @fictionalcharacterslut @celesteblack08 @maxiel-jpg @slytherheign @lunyyx @series-books-food @coffeehurricanes @shrimpyshrimp @somanyfandomsbruh @justcallmeelli @laneyspaulding19 @ironmaiden1313

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[bread--quest]

It's 2012 somewhere. Welcome.... to Night Vale Tumblr.

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Hi guys! I'm Intern Sarah! Excited to be joining you all!

👁️ nvcr-official

To the friends and family of Intern Sarah, she was a good intern and social media manager, and we are sorry to see her go. We will work to find a new intern as soon as possible.

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🦉 dark-owl-records

CALL OUT POST FOR CECIL PALMER

hes gotten away with shit for too long and im sick of it. tl;dr horrific intern mistreatment with no compensation, mountain denier, homophobic

keep reading

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Hey uh. Aren't you a company account? Why are you posting this

🦉 dark-owl-records

L + ratio + god forbid women do anything + your music taste is trash

🙈 seesomethingsaynothing Follow

Isn't Cecil literally gay?

🦉 dark-owl-records

he's homophobic

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he has a husband...

🦉 dark-owl-records

yeah and he won't fucking shut up about it

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🤫 cecils-private-blog

Carlos hasn't liked any of my woodcarving posts in THREE DAYS!! I'm so scared what if he's going to break up with me :((

👁️ nvcr-official

Cecil he's your husband he's not breaking up with you. also this isn't a private blog you just put private in the url

🤫 cecils-private-blog

HOW DID YOU SEE THIS

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tamika flynn spotted in ralph's dairy aisle "slaying" the milk

🦂 scorpiansscuttle Follow

op i know this is a joke but one time i was in the ralphs dairy aisle and there was some butter up on a really high shelf and someone said "don't worry, i'll get it" and i turned around and it was fucking tamika flynn

☁️ average-weather-enjoyer Follow

fake story :/

📚 isurvivedthesummerreadingprogram

No it's true I was there

🚂 traintonowhere Follow

TAMIKA FLYNN??

🏜️ sandeater Follow

what the fuck is happening on my post

8,345 notes

👁️ nvcr-official

can you guys please stop sending cecil weird shit... i don't want to have to explain to my boss what a dilf is

27 notes

🐚 mariella-shella

Hey guys!! Sorry for the lack of posts recently! I entered a hole in the wall and when I got out I realized I didn't know how long I'd been in there, or where I was, or who I am, and I'm not sure that I'm still the person who entered that hole however long ago. Anyway, the normal posting schedule will resume as soon as I remember what my normal posting schedule was, and if I'm still the person who had that posting schedule!

🌪️ sandstorm-gf Follow

omg mariella!!! missed u so much girl glad ur back!

🐚 mariella-shella

i miss me too

42 notes

😎 Anonymous asked: Response to the homophobic allegations?

🎙️ cecilpalmer

Huh??

🎙️ cecilpalmer

@nvcr-official What does this mean? Is it new slang?

👁️ nvcr-official

uhhhh dont worry about it buddy

50 notes

🧤 missy-mittens Follow

hey guys im in quarantine for eating wheat and wheat byproducts uh...send asks?? i might be in here for a while lmaooo

🧤 missy-mittens Follow

oh lights in the sky its been 5 years since i made this post

☁️ glowcloudapologist Follow

how's it going op

🧤 missy-mittens Follow

i miss my family

506 notes

🐚 mariella-shella Follow

hey if anyone remembers anything about the person running this blog can you tell me? trying to recover the fragments of my identity from the void of memory lol

🥔 potato-enthusiast Follow

you were really hot

🐚 mariella-shella Follow

FUCK YEAHHHHHH

89 notes

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

just a reminder that new residents of east night vale are fully welcome to interact with this blog!!!! you will not be harassed and any hate will be blocked. this blog is safe even if this town isn't sometimes <3

🌻 sunflowergirl Follow

This is so sweet, thank you so much! Just so you know, even though it's officially called East Night Vale now, a lot of people still call it Desert Bluffs! Just thought you might want to know :)

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

i'm not calling it that sorry

🌻 sunflowergirl Follow

What??? Why??

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

just kind of sucks. as a name

🌻 sunflowergirl Follow

?????????

170 notes

🐄

⬜️ kentuckymeatshower_deactivated11051983

what does this mean....

🌌 cece-xeze Follow

another great post from huntokar herself

16,683 notes

🚁 helicopters-in-your-area Follow

🌲 little-miss-ectoplasm Follow

you don't like pine cliff? 👻 oo ooo?

👁️ nvcr-official

NIGHT VALE SWEEEEEP

806 notes

😁 the-happy-smiler Follow

Hi everyone!! Since Twitter went down, I figured I'd try my hand at this Tumblr thing! I'm so excited to meet all of you!! Hope you're ready for some pictures of CENTIPEDES!! Feel free to AMA about the Smiling God!

👁️ nvcr-official

I

🦉 dark-owl-records

N

🎙️ cecilpalmer

T

📚 isurvivedthesummerreadingprogram

E

🙈 seesomethingsaynothing Follow

R

🚂 traintonowhere Follow

L

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

O

🌌 cece-xeze Follow

P

🐚 mariella-shella Follow

E

🚁 helicopters-in-your-area Follow

R

21,983 notes

[thebestandrealestever]

~ e!42 miles hcs bc i’m going crazy rn .~

black reader, mostly gn expect for two fem directed one warnings: n word, cursing, implied sexual content but not suggestive

u can’t tell me he don’t blowing u up when you forget the inside outside rule. “why are u on the outside of me?” he said while grabbing your arm and practically throwing u to the other side of him. “it will never ever be that serious please miles.” “it ain’t gon be that serious when u get hit by a car huh?” “we’re in a neighborhood 😭?!?”

he acts like he hates it when you make him do tiktok’s with you but he b rly getting into it . “damn nigga! u doing the dance better than me wtf” “that’s js cause u suck at everything ever.”

scares you in his prowler suit and think it’s the funniest thing in the world. “Boo.” miles said with his voice distorter turned on standing above you, waking u out of your sleep with a yell. “WTF IS WRONG W U??” he cackled for deadass 10 minutes. “u mr fucking funny guy now huh?” “yep, start locking your window.”

if u guys ever broke up, trust this nigga won’t leave you alone. with a big sigh as you see miles come in through the window “miles. why are you still coming in room. i told u it’s over” “lol anyways how was school today?”

has your period tracker on his phone 🤞🏽

u both are insanely in sync, every time you’re sitting next to eachother and someone says sum to y’all you both look at the same time

once you had a pregnancy scare, this nigga started ordering cribs and diapers 😭

u NEVER have to pay for anything by yourself, he be lowk getting upset when u buy urself something

thinks he’s the rizzler because his “hey” he learned from uncle aaron worked on u but really you had liked him for a while already

the only time he post on his story is when he’s posting you, he don’t really be on social media like that.

said something HEINOUS to you in spanish thinking u didn’t know what he was talking about but you asked rio and he got grounded for a month 😭

when you first said you loved him, after he got home he was kicking his feet twirling his little braids fr.

short this is short but i’m going CRAZY

[borathae]

“They’ve seen the centuries come and go, watched empires rise and fall and witnessed the creation of society as it is today. And now you have fallen into their arms, showing them once again that change never stops.”

Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Smut, Hurt and Comfort, Vampire!AU, Magic!AU, Polyamory!AU

“You change universities after moving towns. Your new university is an old, ancient building with secret tunnels and whispered ghost stories. There are two fraternities, which for some reason always seem to be in a quarrel. Alpha consisting of Kim Taehyung, Kim Namjoon, Park Jimin and Min Yoongi. Handsome, porcelain skinned men, who act as if they are out of another century and for some reason everyone on campus seems to be scared of. And Sanguis consisting of Jeon Jungkook, Kim Seokjin and Jung Hoseok. Men with skin just as pale and their faces just as beautiful, who always wear sunglasses when it is light outside and who never seem to open their curtains. And for some peculiar reason you always find yourself in the middle of them….”

Pairing: OT7 x f.Reader with main Taehyung x f.Reader & Yoongi x f.Reader

Genre: Mystery, Fantasy, Romance, Smut, University!AU, Vampire!AU

《 To Book One 》

“When your endless game of hide and seek with Namjoon sends your little group all over Europe, you have to fight more than just vengeful witches and bloodthirsty demons. Different morals, beliefs and mindsets bring just as much struggle to your bond as your enemies. And soon you have to accept that the world you decided to live in is darker than you initially prepared for.”

Pairing: Yoongi x f.Reader, Taehyung x f.Reader & Jungkook x f.Reader + more as the story progresses

Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Smut, Vampire!AU, Magic!AU

《 To Book Two 》

“You and your lovers visit The Plains, a magical realm created for the souls of witches and warlocks and home of your dear grandmother. She welcomes you with raspberry pie and tea. You come with many stories to tell and eager hands to help on her cottage. Golden sunlight, blue moonshine and green forests await you alongside early morning snuggles and late night kisses with your lovers.”

Pairing: Yoongi x f.Reader, Jungkook x f.Reader, Taehyung x f.Reader, Yoongi x Jungkook, Taehyung x Jungkook, platonic Yoongi x Taehyung

Genre: Magic!AU, Vampire!AU, Polyamory!AU, Slice of Life, Fluff, Romance, Smut, this is a spin-off meant to be read after the Duology

《 To the Spin-Off 》

#01 - What You Deserve [YG x JK]

#02 - The Piano Teacher [YG x OC]

#03 - Only For You ([YG x OC]

#04 - Mellifluous [TH x OC]

#05 - Safe Hands [YG x OC]

#06 - Rache [TH x JK]

#07 - Captured [YG x OC]

#08 - Illecebra [TH x OC] ​

#09 - How I Love You [YG x OC]

#10 - Stormy Nights [YG x OC]

#11 - Of Simpler Times [TH x JM]

#12 - Best Seat [YG x OC]

#13 - Deep [JK]

#14 - Painted Blue [TH x OC]

#15 - Drunk on You [YG x OC]

#16 - I Want Your Love Forever [YG x OC]

#17 - Between Friends [YG x HS]

#18 - Bed Head [JK x OC]

#19 - Don’t Tease Please [JK x OC]

#20 - Fade into You [YG x OC]

#21 - Rope Bunny [YG x OC]

#22 - Lavender Warmth [YG x OC]

#23 - The Scholar, The Princess and the Master [YG x OC x JK]

#24 - Picnics [YG x OC x JK]

#25 - Where Love Is [YG x OC]

#26 - Wake Up Call [YG x OC]

#27 - Devotion [TH x OC]

#28 - Bewitched [YG x OC]

#29 - wanna see myself inside you [JK x OC]

#30 - Princess Treatment [YG x OC]

#31 - Guilty Tears [TH x OC]

#32 - Moonlight & Campsites [YG x OC]

#33 - ILY [YG x OC]

#34 - Morning Hours [JK x OC]

#35 - Silly Fights [YG x OC]

#36 - Carefree [YG & TH]

#37 - Cozy Times [YG x OC]

#38 - Drive You Fucking Crazy [TH x OC]

#39 - FWB [HS x OC]

#40 - A Good Life [YG x OC]

#41 - Impatient [JK x TH]

#42 - Love Wins All [TH x OC]

#43 - Cozy [YG x OC]

#44 - Listen In [HS x JK x TH]

#45 - moonlight [TH x OC]

#46 - Stardust [ TH x JK]

#47 - Protective [TH x JK]

#48 - Babybun [YG x OC x JK]

#49 - Just Relax [YG x HS]

#50 - Tenderness [JM & OC]

[zxxccx]

My Roommate's Manipulative Friend

This is a work of fiction. All characters are 18+. Contains male fart fetish content. This is my first story so I hope you enjoy it 🙂

My name is Jeff. One day during junior year of college, I was chilling in my off-campus apartment with my roommate Evan and his friend Matt. I've known Evan since freshman year and we're pretty close. Evan and Matt are childhood friends who grew up and went to high school together. They were both typical surfer/skater bros. I had only met Matt a few times before - his college was kind of far from ours, so he and Evan don't get to hang out as much as they used to. Even though we barely knew each other, I got the sense that he didn't really like me and if we're being honest, the feeling was mutual. On this particular day, there wasn't much going on and we were all pretty bored. Like typical millennials, we were all sitting there separately scrolling on our phones. All of the sudden Matt started chuckling so Evan and I looked up.

E: "What's so funny?”

M: "I was reading through this site that lists random world records and it turns out this guy Bernard Clemens has the record for world's longest fart at 2 minutes and 42 second."

E: "Pfft, I could beat that."

They cracked up. I rolled my eyes and apparently Matt didn't appreciate that.

M: "What's your problem?"

E: "Ignore him, he doesn't think farts are funny."

M: "Are you serious? Farts are fucking hilarious!"

E: "I tried to tell him that, but he's a total prude. I've never even farted in front of him before because I don't want to hear him complain. I just hold in my gas and let it out when he's not around."

M: "That sucks, no man should have to hold in his gas. Everyone should rip loud and proud! One time I even farted in Evan's face."

J: "Gross! Did you puke?"

They both laughed.

E: "Puke? It was only a fart. I swung around and blasted him right back. Don't dish it out if you can't take it."

M: "Ya know Jeff, I'd be happy give you some exposure therapy to help you appreciate farts more."

J: "No thanks. Can we please talk about something else?"

I could tell Matt was enjoying having fun at my expense, but fortunately he relented and changed the subject. He announced that he was starving and that we should all grab food. Evan immediately agreed, but I really wasn't hungry. I was also feeling kind of tired, so I decided to stay back and take a nap.

...

I woke up and felt like something was off. I tried to move and freaked out when I realized I couldn't. I opened my eyes and saw Evan and Matt staring down at me with huge grins. I tried to say something but I couldn't because there was tape over my mouth.

M: "Heyyyyyy. Enjoy your nap?"

E: "I can't, this is too good."

I took a moment to take in my current position. I was laid out with my head on a couch cushion and my lower body being supported by the coffee table. My legs were taped together and my arms were taped to my side. Again, I tried to protest but was only able to produce muffled sounds.

M: "We got a real treat in store for you. Ya see, I've been thinking more about what Evan said earlier about being able to beat the world record farter and thought it would be fun put his gas to the test. The Taco Bell we had for lunch should be more than enough to fuel this challenge, but I figure we need a judge to make sure it's fair and think your virgin nostrils make you the perfect candidate for the job."

Matt had the biggest grin I've ever seen. I felt annoyed that Evan would go along with this idea, but wasn't entirely surprised. While I know Evan didn't actually care about some dumb world record (I think the three of us all knew that it likely wasn't even possible), he's a really competitive guy who's not one to shy away from a challenge. I'm sure Evan only said he could beat the record earlier as a joke, but that was exactly the fodder Matt needed to take advantage of his competitive nature and turn it against me. Evan and I also never pass up on an opportunity to have a little fun at each other's expense, so I'm sure that only made him easier to manipulate in this case.

M: "Now Evan, to confirm, you've never even so much as farted in the same room as Jeff before, right?"

E: "That is correct."

M: "Wow, so that means his first experience with your gas is gonna point-blank. That's rough. As someone who's been blasted by you before, I can say even at a distance it absolutely reeked. I can't imagine how much worse it'll be at ground zero. Let's just say I'm really glad I'm not in his position."

E: "Yeah this is probably gonna be pretty bad. Honestly, I was a bit hesitant to go through with this. I mean farts are funny, but this is taking things to a whole new level. Does anyone really deserve to be subjected to something this disgusting? I wasn't so sure, but then Matt pointed out that this is only a prank and it's all in good fun. Who knows, it might even help you lighten up a bit. And if you think about it, this really is the opportunity of a lifetime for you. I've farted at people several times before, but I've never fully sat on someone's face and let rip. You're gonna get to fully experience my gas in a way that no one has before and possibly never will again. And of all the people who could possibly receive that honor, I'm kind of glad it's you."

Evan looked down at me with an amused smirk. I knew he was mostly just messing with me, but I couldn't believe how far he and Matt were taking this. Knowing that I was gonna be the first person to "fully experience" his gas and that he was glad about it only increased my frustration.

M: "Alright, enough chit chat. Let's get to it. Evan, your throne awaits!"

Matt motioned towards my face. I knew this was my last chance to put a stop to this. If only I could speak, I was confident I'd be able to talk Evan out of this. Unfortunately, I didn't have that luxury. I put up as much of a fight as I could and let out as many muffled please as possible, but they fell on deaf ears. Evan spun around and hovered his ass above my face. Then slowly and tauntingly, he began to sit down. To add insult to injury, he made sure to maintain eye contact with me until he was fully seated and his board short clad ass completely covered my face, enveloping it in warmth.

E: "Wow, he's actually kind of comfy."

He wiggled a little which caused my nose to sink further into his ass and settle right below his asshole. I can't believe my best friend was actually sitting on my face.

M: "This is so awesome! I can't believe we're actually doing this!"

They both laughed. I could feel Evan's body shake when he laughed. I had been holding my breath up until this point but my lungs felt like the were going to give out so I reluctantly gave in and took a breath. Fortunately, Evan's a pretty hygienic guy so it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it still smelled like ass and wasn't exactly pleasant.

E: "Whoa, that felt weird?"

M: "What?"

E: "He just sniffed my ass."

M: "Nice, bet he's loving it! Got any gas in the tank?"

E: "Yeah, feels like the Taco Bell is fully kicking in so I think I'm ready to let rip."

M: "Do it. Blast him!"

I felt Evan start to bear down and push. I braced myself and wondered what I did to deserve this.

PPPPRPTRPTPRPTRPP

The fart vibrated across my face. I felt Evan let out a sigh and relax. I was afraid to breathe.

M: "Is he sniffing?"

E: "Nah, feels like he's holding his breath."

M: "That's no fun, we'll have to fix that."

Before I had time to process what Matt meant by that, he abruptly pushed down hard on my chest forcing the air out of my lungs through my nose. I was furious at him, but it was short lived. My body involuntary took in air to refill my lungs and, as soon as I took in my first breath of Evan's gas, my mind went blank. I had never smelled something so bad in my life and my body was having trouble processing it. Raw sewage would be jealous of the smell. I gave up on holding my breath and started struggling in my bonds in an attempt to try to get away from Evan's ass, but my struggles were in vain. Of course, Evan and Matt found this hilarious.

M: "I don't think he appreciates the stench of your special brew."

E: "Yeah he really seems to be struggling with it."

M: "I guess that means there's only one thing to do..."

E: "Way ahead of you!"

PPPPRTPRTPRPTRPTRPPPPPP

This one was louder and longer. It felt like my skull was rattling. How could they think this was funny? How could Evan do this to me? It felt like the stench of his gas was fully consuming me. I couldn't imagine how this could get any worse, but apparently Matt had other ideas.

M: "Is it just me, or does it feel like he's not fully appreciating your farts?"

E: "What do you mean? You can't possibly expect him to enjoy this."

M: "Maybe not. I just think that since you worked up all this gas for him, he should really be savoring it. None of this holding his breath business or taking shallow breaths to avoid it."

E: "How could we possibly get him to savor my farts?"

M: "Well...what if I tickle him? Then you can blast him and he'll have no choice but to literally huff your gas."

I was surprised not to hear Evan immediately reject this idea. Instead, it seemed like he was actually considering it. I started to aggressively protest, hoping that I could get through to Evan and make him see that this was crazy. However, evidently he couldn't pass up on an opportunity to mess with me more and decided to intentionally misinterpret my pleas.

E: "I appreciate you weighing in Jeff. I was going to say that you had enough and that we should let you go. But it sounds like you're begging us to go ahead with Matt's idea. Don't you agree Matt?"

M: "Oh yeah, it sounds like he's saying that he really wants to get aquatinted with your gas."

E: "Kind of weird Jeff, but if that's what you want we can definitely do that for you. Just know, that if we do this I'm not gonna hold back at all."

I struggled and screamed as much as I could in order to try to let them know I wasn't okay with this. It was no use though. They were clearly enjoying this too much.

E: "Okay, but remember you asked for this..."

Thus began one of the worst experiences of my life. True to his word, Evan did not hold back. He let out a constant barrage of farts and it felt like each one smelled worse than the last. Thanks to Matt's relentless tickling attack on my feet, I was forced to sniff pretty much all of Evan's gas. And, of course, throughout the entire ordeal my face stayed firmly planted in Evan's ass with my nose right at the source. I felt like my brain was melting. Evan's gas was all I could think of - I couldn't fully comprehend just how much of it I had inhaled. I started to forget that fresh air was even a thing. Finally, after what seemed like hours (but realistically was probably only 10 minutes), there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

E: "Alright, that was pretty funny but I think he's had enough."

M: "Aww, come on man this is too good. We could keep this up forever and he wouldn't be able to do anything to stop us.”

E: "Nah, enough is enough. After all, we don't want to permanently destroy his nose."

Evan laughed at his joke, but after what I had been through I wasn't sure if my nose would ever be the same again. If nothing else, I was definitely a lot more familiar with my best friend’s gas than I ever wanted to be. Evan went to get up, but Matt stopped him.

M: "Okay fine, we can call it quits, but one more thing first. Do you still have any gas left in the tank?"

E: "Yeah...but I really think we should let him up now. He's been down there for a while and this was just supposed to be a prank, not actual torture."

Note to self: Evan and I have very different definitions of what constitutes torture.

M: "Totally fair. We can definitely let him up in a minute, I just think we need a grand finale to help seal the deal and ensure this experience is something he'll never forget."

If I could talk, I would say that we're already wayyyyy past that point, but unfortunately fate prevented me from being the voice of reason. Also, couldn't they have this conversation with Evan standing up? Why was he still sitting on my face? Yeah he wasn't currently farting, but I was still being forced to sniff the remnants of his previous farts that had absorbed into his clothes. And he just said he's still feeling gassy, so I was anxious to get him off of me before anymore of his gas found it's way into my nose. Especially since it sounded like Matt was scheming again...

M: "As a final salvo, I think he should have to sniff a couple unfiltered farts from you."

E: "What do you mean?"

M: "I mean full on bareass. No board shorts and no boxers."

My heart skipped a beat. I can't believe Matt would come up with something so disturbing. There must be something genuinely wrong with him. I was about to freak out again, but then it dawned on me. There's no way Evan would go through with this. Sure he's not shy about things like burps and farts, but he's super reserved when it comes to his body. He won't even walk around the apartment in a towel - he always changes in the bathroom when he showers to avoid any accidental exposure. Same when we go to the campus pool, he puts on his bathing suit before we leave to avoid changing in the locker room. There's no way he'd feel comfortable showing off his bare ass. I was about to get in my first win against Matt. The excitement from that realization almost made up for what I just went through. Ok, it actually wasn't even close, but I was still happy about this small victory I was about to be handed.

E: "Ew, no way man! You know I don't like exposing myself and besides shoving his face in my bare ass seems super unsanitary."

M: "Aww come on! It would only be for a few a seconds. One and done!"

E: "I said no! Stop trying to push me man!"

M: "Wow okay. Guess Jeff's not the only one here who's a prude."

E: "You can't be serious. I just ripped ass all over his face. I'm still sitting on his face as we speak. How can you even say I'm a prude?"

M: "Because you're too afraid to reveal your bare ass for a second just for a prank. Haven't you ever heard of mooning? People do it all the time!"

E: "Why are you pushing so hard on this?"

This argument was music to my ears. I could tell Evan was getting pretty frustrated. Now if only he would stand up...

M: "Look man. You need to remember the main reason we're doing this. Yeah it's really funny, but the whole point is to help Jeff lighten up and break barriers. Before today, he wouldn't dream of putting his face anywhere near someone's ass, but now you've been sitting on it for almost a full half hour. Before today, you couldn't even fart near him and now he's literally huffed your gas directly from the source. If he takes some bareass farts from you, think of how high that would set his tolerance. You'd really be doing him a favor."

E: "I don't know. That all sounds pretty stupid."

I'm not sure where Matt was getting this twisted logic from, but Evan didn't sound as frustrated as he did a moment ago. Was this actually working? There's no way...

M: "It at least makes a little bit of sense. If you get it over with real quick, then it will be done and I'll stop nagging you about it. Come on man! Do it, you won't!"

My heart sank. I can't believe Matt went there. As I said, Evan's not one to back down from a challenge. The phrase "Do it, you won't" is like his kryptonite. I've used it on him plenty of times. He almost always follows through just to prove that he's not a wimp and can do the thing in question. But surely this was a bridge too far, right? After a bit of hesitation, I got my answer...

E: ".......Fine. Okay, I'll do it. But you have to look away and Jeff has to close his eyes. He may have to smell my ass, but that doesn't mean either of you have to see me naked."

M: "Really dude? You're not gonna be naked. It's just gonna be your ass."

E: "You want me to do this, we're gonna do it on my terms."

M: "Alright, fair enough. Let's do it."

I started to struggle and complain again, but Matt wasn't having it.

M: "Enough! I'm tired of your whining. We're doing this and there's nothing you can do about it. So just shut up and take it."

Evan finally stood up, but I knew this ordeal wasn't over yet. He put his hands on the waist of his board shorts.

E: "Okay, Jeff close your eyes and Matt turn around."

Evan looked at us to ensure we complied. I saw Matt turn around. I figured if I kept my eyes open, maybe he wouldn't go through with it.

E: "Come on, close your eyes so we can get this over with."

M: "Jeff if you're gonna be a dick about this and make Evan uncomfortable, then we'll just have him keep his clothes on, sit on your face, and blast you for the rest of the day. Is that what you want?"

Wow, as if I'm somehow the one in the wrong here. But that's definitely not what I wanted. I also didn't want me face shoved in his bare ass though. Still, I wanted this to be over as fast as possible and avoid prolonging it, so I reluctantly complied. I started to brace myself for what was about to happen, but Matt had other plans. All of the sudden, I felt fingers on each of my eyelids and my eyes were pried open. He gave me a look that told me I'd regret it if I said anything so I remained quiet. Unlike the first time Evan sat on my face, he didn't look back at me this time. I guess he was a little embarrassed by what he was about to do and didn't want to see my face. This meant that he was completely unaware of Matt's latest scheme. Interestingly enough, even though he was holding my eyes open, Matt continued facing away from Evan. I guess even though he was determined to make sure I got to see Evan's ass in all its glory, he had no desire to see it himself. Without any fanfare, Evan slowly lowered the back of his board shorts and boxers, and there it was: his bare ass. He definitely had quite the bubble butt. Aside from a thin layer of fuzz, his ass was mostly hairless.

M: "Don't forget to spread your cheeks so you can get him in their nice and deep."

Evan complied. His crack was slightly hairier than his cheeks and his asshole was now staring back at me. Then, he started to sit down. This seemed impossible on today of all days, but I really felt that I had sunk to a new low. When Matt heard Evan start to sit, he removed his fingers from my eyelids. I closed my eyes but the damage was done. I couldn't believe I'd been forced to see my best friend's ass and asshole against both our wills. The image would be forever burned into my brain and no one could take this moment back for me. I was temporarily distracted though when I felt Evan settle onto my face. He let go of his cheeks and they closed around mine. My nose was touching his asshole.

E: "I don't like this. I can feel his nose touching my hole."

M: "Bet it's not great on his end either. Jeff, do me a favor and take a nice big sniff of Evan's asshole."

I told him that wasn't gonna happen as best I could through the gag. He seemed to get the message.

M: "Do it or I'll press down on Evan's shoulders and send you even deeper into his ass."

I definitely didn't want that to happen. My nose was already touching his asshole, I didn't need to be any deeper. So, I gave in and took a big sniff. The minute I did, I regretted it. Unsurprisingly, it smelled like shit. I started gagging and struggling. Matt laughed.

M: "Yeah, I bet it smells pretty bad down there. Sucks to be you!"

E: "Could we get this over with already?"

M: "Ok yeah, sure. Now Jeff, here's how this is gonna work. You're gonna breathe out fully and then I'm gonna count backwards from five. When I get to one, Evan's gonna let rip and you're gonna start inhaling as hard as you can. And you better keep inhaling for the full duration of the fart. And before you start freaking out again, you should know that I took some pics of Evan sitting on your face before when he still had his clothes on. If you refuse to do this, I will post those pics online and tell everyone you begged to sniff Evan's farts. Evan will back me up, so no one will believe you if you try to say I'm lying. Right Evan?”

I tried to plead with Evan as best I could.

E: “Sorry Jeff. I feel like this is super weird for both of us, but you're just gonna have to do it. You’ve made me do some gross things in the past - remember when you dared me to eat that box of freeze dried crickets? Think of this as payback for that. I know it's not fully equivalent, but we all have to do things we don't wanna do from time to time. Besides, I have a real whopper brewing right now and I kind of want you to take it.”

M: “Then it's settled. Deep breath out Jeff.”

Feeling like I had no other choice, I did what I was told.

M: “Ok, ready? Breathe in on one. 5…4…3…2…1…”

PRBTPPPTBTPPRTBTPBTRPPBTssssssssss

Evan was right. This one was a whopper. I felt his asshole vibrating against my nose. I lost count of how long it lasted…but I do know it ended with a silent his. And I inhaled the whole thing. As soon as I finished inhaling, my body started shaking. This was by far the worst thing I had ever experienced. I felt defiled. Matt was besides himself with laughter and even Evan was cracking up a bit.

M: “Dude that was sick! I can't believe he just huffed a fart out of your bare asshole.”

E: “Yeah that was definitely disgusting. Are we done now?”

M: “One more and then we let him up. Sound good?”

E: “Fineeeee.”

I was numb at this point and just ready for this whole thing to be over. What's one more fart? It's not like it can be any worse than anything I'd already endured. Unfortunately, I spoke to soon. I should have known better than to tempt fate. This time, when Evan farted, we both got more than we bargained for and I felt a little something squirt out onto my nose. That's right, this last fart was wet. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was done. I immediately started convulsing and going back and forth between screaming and gagging. Evan immediately realized what happened too. He jumped up, pulled up his shorts and boxers to cover his ass, and ran to the bathroom. Matt turned around and looked confused. He called out to Evan in the bathroom.

M: “What happened?”

E: “I accidentally sharted…”

M: “You sharted on his nose? That's the best thing I ever heard!”

Evan returned from the bathroom.

E: “Seriously dude? I can't believe that happened.”

M: “Are you sure it was a shart?”

E: “Dude, I'm telling you that fart was wet.”

M: “I know, but look at his face. There's nothing on his nose. It's not brown.”

E: “Really? That's odd, when I went to clean up in the bathroom, the toilet paper was clean too…”

M: “Damn, that means it wasn't a shart then, just a wet fart. Probably just sweat or generic ass juice.”

E: “Well that's a relief!”

M: “Yeah I guess…”

E: “Why do you sound disappointed? You actually would have preferred if I did shart on him?”

M: “Yeah man. That would have been fucking hilarious! Icing on the cake.”

E: “You're sick man! Whatever let's just get this tape off him. This has gone far enough!”

Right as Evan was about to start untaping me, his phone vibrated.

E: “Damn it! I totally forgot that I committed to meeting my lab partner today to finish our physics lab.”

M: “Can't it wait?”

E: “I wish, but today's the only day we both have free to work on it before it's due. Sorry to do this to you guys, but I really need to get this done. Can you take care of freeing him?”

M: “Yeah sure!”

E: “Ok cool. Thanks for being such a good sport Jeff. Once you're out you can get cleaned up and then we can hang later and put this whole thing behind us. I'll be back in a few hours.”

And with that Evan left and I was alone with Matt.

M: “Well I think we both know I have no intention of letting you go now that Evan's gone. Not when your face looks so comfy. Plus, I ate Taco Bell too and haven't had a chance to release my gas.”

I tried to tell him off but it wasn't very effective.

M: “Thanks for reminding me. We need to do something about your gag. Your pathetic complaining is getting annoying.”

Matt walked away and came back later with something in his hand.

M: “Earlier when we decided to gag you, I wanted to stuff something in your mouth. Evan thought that was too far so we just used tape and left your mouth empty. But…Evan's not here now and I think I found the perfect thing. This sock was buried in Evan's hamper and smells pretty gnarly. Here take a whiff.”

He turned it inside out and pressed it against my nose. I hesitantly took a whiff and it smelled awful - like old cheese. Matt was very amused by my reaction.

M: “Yeah it's pretty bad isn't it. Bet it tastes worse…”

With that he ripped the tape off my mouth and I breathed through my mouth for the first time in ages. I knew I had to reason with him.”

J: “Please Matt, can't you just let me go? Haven't I suffered enough?”

M: “No chance! I'm not gonna waste this prime opportunity.”

J: “But…why? Why are you doing this to me?”

M: “Because I can. And because it's fucking funny. Now enough talking, open wide and get ready to taste Evan's gross sock!”

I clamped my mouth shut but Matt was unphased. He simply pinched my nostrils shut. Soon my need for air overcame me and I had to open my mouth to breathe. As soon as that happened, Matt shoved the inside-out sock in my mouth and taped it shut again. Evan's sock tasted awful. This was the worst! In one day I not only got more acquainted with his ass than I ever could have imagined but I also learned what his foot tastes like. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to look at him the same way again.

M: “Yeah suck on that sock. I bet it tastes awful! Now that that's taken care of, it's time to get down to business. I'm not as nice as Evan, so I hope you're ready for a rough ride.”

Without any further ado, Matt pulled down the back of his board shorts and boxers and slammed his bare ass onto my face. He spread his cheeks and wiggled around to get me as deep as possible. My nose actually slipped inside his asshole. The smell was unbearable. His ass was hairier than Evan's and smelled stronger too.

M: “Perfect. Got you right where I want you. The Taco Bell is hitting hard, so you're in for a good time!”

He started farting nonstop. I was in hell. This torture went on for so long that I lost track of time. Apparently Matt did too, because when Evan got back a few hours later, Matt was still sitting on my face. Evan was pissed and they got into a heated argument. Evan let me go and I slinked away and took the longest shower of my life.

After I got out, Evan apologized profusely to me. He said he knows they took things too far and that if I was willing to forgive him, he'd never do anything like this again and go back to holding in his farts around me. Today aside, Evan was genuinely a good friend and I knew this whole thing was mostly Matt's fault. So, I decided to forgive him. I also told him that he didn't have to hold in his gas around me anymore. After what I went through today, I could tolerate the occasional fart here and there as long as my face was nowhere near his ass when it happened.

I asked where Matt was and apparently he decided to go back to his dorm after their argument. Him and Evan did eventually make up, but he never apologized for what he put me through. I was happy to have things relatively go back to normal with Evan though. Sure I noticed his ass a lot more than I used to. And anytime he did fart, the smell brought back flashbacks of this awful day. But the worst was behind me now…or so I thought. Turns out that Matt wasn't done with me. He had gotten a taste of using Evan to torture me and was hungry for more. I didn't know it now, but Matt was going to make sure that I was more familiar with my best friend's body than any one person should be. If I thought Evan's farts were bad, I had another thing coming…

[pippin-katz]

The Awardist - Nicholas Galitzine & Taylor Zakhar Perez

I have to write down the best bits and record my thoughts while listening to this because I am completely losing my mind over what is our first real interview with the boys that was recorded in real time.

27:55 - right off the bat we got a great inside joke/reference from the host that had me cackle

28:19 - taylor being happy to see their faces and nicholas immediately shutting him down like "well i'm not happy to see taylor's face"

28:40 - taylor joking about putting a post-in note over nick's face lmfao

29:30 - the way they don't want to talk over each other, it's giving alex's bedroom flashbacks

29:40 - nick being like "oh! oh, it's good!" when dipping into the online response when the movie released lmfao 😆

30:33 - the silence following the social media question where they were apparently nodding followed by taylor saying they were texting each other like "mate" "mate" back and forth

31:20 - THEY TALKED ABOUT THE SIGNING WARS

31:44 - nicholas calling taylor "this little fucker" had me dying cause me and @meraki-yao were literally referring to him as that in our conversation on ig yesterday

32:00 - nicholas genuinely asking taylor "what possessed you to do this?"; it's giving storage closet in the children's hospital vibes when henry's like "why do you dislike me?"

33:04 - "take it nick" immediately upon being asked the dense question regarding fans reacting to their portrayals of henry and alex, and the way that nicholas laughs and stutters makes me think that taylor totally did that on purpose to mess with him lmfao

34:00 - taylor stopping to talk to fans regardless of where he is or where he's going and specfically mentioning how meaningful it was that people have said *TW* they were contemplating suicide when they read the book/watched the movie and that it helped them 🥺

35:40 - the host referred to the film as "a coming out story", which i don't really agree with as a label because the coming out portion is an added piece of their relationship as two public figures, but their love is the actual story

36:40 - nicholas referring to the film as "wholesome and funny" made me smile so much because it truly is wholesome

37:18 - not the host making the "top to bottom" joke 😭

37:58 - nicholas and taylor have talked about their friendship with each other and how they instantly clicked; nick knew within a few minutes of rehearsal that taylor was "his buddy" 🥺

38:41 - catch me squaring up with everyone who has made nicholas self conscious and self deprecating about doing so much intimacy work on the screen that he refers to it as "basically his thing" like that's all he's recognized for; i am so ready to punch some motherfuckers 😡

39:10 - "it's so fun now, seeing my mate at all these awards and stuff"; catch me fucking crying

39:24 - not taylor misremembering the "nicholas or joey" question as "who was the better kisser"; he totally combined the "is nicholas a good kisser" question with the "who has your heart tonight" question

40:05 - taylor talking about matthew's background in theatre and how they got to actually rehearse with each other; i will never stop being insanely grateful that matthew is a theatre guy

40:55 - the way i said "oh my god" out loud because i was so excited by the question

41:14 - improvised the "physicality" of the store room; i.e. they just fell on top of each other and clamored around 😂

41:32 - the way i literally gasped so hard that i started coughing when nicholas called taylor "tay", i am not even fucking joking, that was so fucking cute 😭

43:42 - fucking wheezed upon realizing where the question going

44:02 - the knowing way taylor was like "i will take this one" lmfao

45:10 - not me going so red from second hand embarrassment 🫣

45:44 - taylor bringing the jockstrap that nicholas wears in bottoms, and nicholas immediately adding "i won't even go into mary & george" 😂

47:51 - taylor finishing nicholas' sentence about matthew's direction for the cake scene; sharing a braincell lol

48:36 - taylor's dog passed away the night of the first day of filming like wow, that fucking sucks 🥺😭

49:05 - "everyone's looking at me with these sad eyes" made me so sad but then taylor said "do you want some tea?" in a terrible british accent lmfao

49:50 - nicholas complimenting and boosting taylor's performance while having such a hard time emotionally 🥺

50:49 - taylor bringing up running through the museum; i can hear the smile in his voice while talking about it 😭

51:28 - they filmed the kensington palace fight and the red room the week after nicholas got covid

52:40 - oh my god, the way you can hear nick grinning as he throws taylor under the bus for the sequel question 😂

53:30 - taylor wants a second book to base the sequel off of

54:03 - taylor used they/them pronouns for casey!! see? he knows, it was totally nerves

55:20 - it felt like it was over too soon, i desperately need more of them PLEASE 😭

This is the greatest thing that's happened in like, a month for me lmfao I am literally begging for more people to interview the boys about RWRB, I am so fucking desperate for more content of the two of them together. They are everything to me 🥺

Thanks for reading!! If you enjoyed this essay & would like to support me, you can give me a tip on my Ko-Fi! ☺️

[thelostpretzel]

hello!! i just wanted to pop in and say that i really really love your ocs, their designs are all so fun and creative!!!!! esp the heroes of the city waow :00 also deeply interested in whatever lore they have so if you ever feel like dropping crumbs,,, *hands outstretched*

*cracks knuckles* thank you for asking dear stranger i would love to ramble about my children (the?) Heroes of the City (sorry, I still don't understand how article THE works) is a story in the genre of LitRPG (like literature + RPG or manhwas/novells about rankers) and it's about Players who are trying to save The Sentient (?) City from self-destruction (or help it destroy itself if a Player feels like hating the world) so the main cast is Eki (she/them) aka The Leviathan Slayer aka The Hero she smol she kind she could kill a god if this god is a threat to her found family but only if said god is a physical threat she is a beating pillow for every morally gray/black character in The City and will never win against charismatic-based villain (she's very naive and soft hearted and everybody uses it)

Black Silver (she/her) aka The Witch or The City's Shadow

the hottest and the deadliest villain of The City and i have nothing else to say

Rex (he/them) aka [data deleted]

he is one of The City creators and his main mission is to be a threat to his ex-soulmate - Black Silver who is actively destroying The City

they are the Most Toxic Couple of the project and i feel terror every time i think about them

Little Box (she/her) aka [???]

i don't know what she is and i'm lowkey scared to know so she's just vibin' here and there (i think she's dead)

Coffee Fox (he/him) aka The Keeper aka The Guardian

a barista of a tiny coffee shop and The Retired King of The City

he brings comfort and love to every Hero but can only watch The City fall because he's forever locked in his coffee shop

Magnolia (she\her) and Glitches (they\them) aka The Healer/The Parasite

ah yes a cool badass parasite with no morale compass and an absolutely miserable host with terrible anxiety disorder i love it (Glitches also often flirts with The Bitch i mean with the guy who is hated by the whole City and Magnolia lives in constant fear because of it)

Midas (he/him) aka The Bitch i mean The Cursed King

The Bitch of The City (and he's fucking rich and hot too i hate him so fucking much i don't even draw him consistently WHYYYYYYYYYYY)

anyway

Adam (the fuck/that) aka The Emptiness

the mute horror of the City (he likes Little Box and Magnolia though)

aaaaaand the last one

42 aka Zwai (man/failure)

he's just funny little guy with horrible medicine trauma and a cat

thats it thank you

[sideeve]

can you do a miles e42 fix based off of broken clocks by sza

U LUV ME | with 42!miles

— it’s been 3 years since you’ve dated him. why he still talking about you like you together ? i’m not officially back but i just LOVE this concept. and i love sza🤭 ex!miles, both characters are like 17-18, reader has a younger sister, simp!miles fr, reader is still in love with miles but is stubborn, probably makes no sense whatsoever

“ma,” miles kneeled in front of you. “i’ll do anything to win you back. swear. i’ll drop the prowler job. anything.” his hands were wrapped around your legs as he begged for you to take him back.

“you swear?” you pull him up, he now towers over you. “swear.” his lip inch closer to yours “i lo—”

“WAKE THE FUCK UP!” your sister, nicknamed yaya, repeatedly hits you in the face with a pillow. “damn. i’m up, i’m up.” you sit up as she hits your back.

you grab the pillow, throwing it in her face. “i said i’m up.” “mama said you better be ready in 10 minutes or you’re gonna have to find another ride to work.”

you turn your head, looking at the clock.

it read 9:45.

shittt.

“get out so i can get dressed.”

*time skip*

you had barely made it in time for work. “hi, welcome to [ insert favorite cafe ], how can i—get out.” your voice was quickly filled with hatred. “chill, ma. i just wanted coffee.” the boy laughs. “not from here. go.”

you refused to serve him. you knew what was to come next.

“i miss you.”

“my mom won’t stop talking about you.” know well it was just him ranting about how he wanted you back.

“i want—”

“you want a caramel frappe, no whipped cream, a chocolate chip, warmed. i remember.” you deadpan. “i want something else.” your brows raise in shock, “so you have changed.”

“you.”

you groan. you bit your tongue, trying so hard not to yell at him to get out of your store. “i take that back.”

after completing his order, you slid him the drink and cookie, “that’ll be 12.65. cash or card?” he slid you a 50. “keep the change.” he walked off, sipping his newly made drink.

*time skip to the next day*

the day before was stressful. you had karens upset bc you didn’t give them a drink at 75 degree exact, too many customers, not enough staff. it was a miracle you made it out alive.

your sleep once you got home was well deserved. it was peaceful.

until the next morning. your phone was blown up by your best friend trying to get your attention.

[ name ] ! when did u and miles get back together ?

[ name ] girl wake the fuck up.

i know you see these messages. don’t make me come to your house.

answer me hoe😡

you quickly unlock your phone,

“tf r u talking abt?”

he posted on his private story. sum abt “when you two talk it out and cuddle” some shit like that. the caption had you name on it

your head hangs low when they sent the screenshot.

this motherfucker is really delusional.

“we never got back together. tf is he on?”

you threw on some clothes, storming your way to miles’ house.

you knew his mother had work at this time so you have no mercy to his front door. “miles, open this fucking door. imma kick it down.” your tone let him know you were pissed. he opens the door, “what are you mad about ma?”

you raise your phone at his face. “what is this?” he leans back, getting a good look at it. “oh, i was letting people know you’re mine.” you tilt your head, eyes squinted. “are you fucking crazy? what part of “we’re broken up” do you not understand? we ain’t together. end of story.”

he laughs, making you more upset. “that’s what you think. why do you think no one has asked you out yet?” he smirks. “because they know that you’re mine. anybody who wants you gotta go through me first. and you and me both know that’s not gonna end well.” he snickers.

“miles—” “i’m not done.” he cuts you off. “look, i know me being the prowler affected our relationship. but i’m done with that. completely. i’m focused on you right now. i’m tryna do better for you.” he suddenly wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

“i’m yours.”

you smirk at him. “and how do i know you don’t have any hoes in your phone right now?” “be reasonable right now.” he smile drops, his nostrils flaring. “okay, i was joking.” you laugh.

“so, what’s this mean ma?” you purse your lips, “i guess we can get back together.” he grins, pulling you closer. “you don’t know how much i missed you. and this ass—” his hands squeeze your ass before you smack his hands away.

“i can always change my mind, miles.” “okay, i was just kidding.”