#there are a bunch of teens in the notes being like 'oh my god are you serious? it gets better? im not stuck in hell forever??'

[lesbianralzarek]

"life doesnt get better, you just get stronger" does NOT include ages 11-17. life does in fact just get better from there. those years are dogshit. like, you do get stronger but its mostly just a factor of not being 11-17 anymore. positive thinking helps but it doesnt fix whatevers going on at 15, you have to brute force through that one raw

[alornights]

HII ur romance tropes were so cute and now holiday romance w kyle wont leave my brain !!!!! do u think u could write a little more for it??? like maybe interacting w him at the party or like kyle and stan talking ab seeing us 😭 all ur writing is fr so sweet

⟢ something new.

➜ in which ! kyle finds a holiday romance.

💌 ﹫kyle broflovski.

✩ 🎸 warnings﹗none.

🍓 ⟡ notes — this is kinda ass but i hope it fills ur brain <3 i did rewatch high school musical for this and troy literally is kinda like kyle. idk.

"I can't believe we're back here... again." Stan complained walking through the doors of the teen club.

Their families decided to vacation to Aspen again for winter break seeing as it was the perfect time for sledding. Where their parents were, probably drinking but who cares.

Kyle snorted looking around. "You think we'll find the girl who tried to have a romance with you as a kid."

Stan groaned covering his face. "Oh God, don't remind me of that. I hope she is as far away as possible."

Kyle laughed looking around the room before his gaze stopped at a girl who looked drop-dead gorgeous in the outfit she wore.

"Oh, my, god." Kyle muttered standing star-struck.

Stan tilted his head. "What? Don't tell me it's that Darby guy, if it is it's fucking payback time."

"No- who even cares about him," Kyle questioned giving his friend a look.

Stan shrugged with a grin, "Me. I need to get my payback."

"Ok," Kyle murmured with a straight face before slapping Stan's chest. "I just saw the most beautiful girl ever."

"You say that about every crush you've had."

"Ok, well, I'm being serious this time." Kyle retorted pointing to a girl talking with a bunch of other people.

Stan turned in that direction before nodding. "Oh shit, yeah. Go talk to her dude, she seems like the type to totally be into you."

"Are you insinuating something?"

Stan laughed with a grin. "Of course not buddy, just saying."

"Uh-huh," Kyle grumbled crossing his arms. "I'm not going to though."

"WHAT, WHY NOT?" Stan yelled grabbing Kyle's shoulders before shaking them. "This is your one shot to make a move on a girl without Cartman getting in your way dude!"

"Would it even matter though?" Kyle retorted, "It's known that holiday romances don't last, plus what if she lives far away."

"WHO CARES!" Stan exclaimed in disbelief, "You're into her, that's all that matters. So what if it's long distance and won't last, live in the moment Kyle!"

Kyle paused before shaking his head. "No way dude. That's just a recipe for disaster."

"Oh for fucks sake." Stan groaned throwing his hands in the air

"Oh my god, I am so sorry." Kyle

You shook your head quickly with a nervous smile. "No no, it's fine really!"

There was an awkward pause before Kyle began to speak, "Um- I'm Kyle, you look really good- or uh nice."

Your eyes widened before you smirked. "Just nice?"

"No of course not, you look stunning..." Kyle mumbled looking you up and down.

Smiling, you stuck out your hand. "I'm Y/N, it's nice to meet you handsome."

He laughed shaking your hand before pulling you close to him, "Kyle."

[imbestforyou]

fireworks

pairing: jj maybank x reader (she/her)

summary: you meet jj at a fourth of july kegger and watch the fireworks together

approx. reading time: around four minutes

warnings: drinking, smoking, keggers, really short, not edited very well

note: this is awful but whatever thanks for being patient with me 😭 (also i struggle with sticking to past-tense and/or present-tense so if you see mistakes pls ignore)

masterlist :) | navigation

you never drinked or smoked. it was something you promised yourself when you were younger. seeing your parents absolutely ruin their lives over it, made you never want to try it. therefore you never went to parties, cause really what would you do with a bunch of drunk, high, and horny teenagers?

“come on, it’ll be really fun! and maybe you’ll meet someone cute there, you never know!” ashley pressures.

you cringe at the thought, “what would i even do all night anyways?”

“idk.. mingle! come on! it’s summertime and you’ve done nothing but be in bed by 8:30. i promise after this no more parties.” before you can continue arguing with her she starts going through your closet, finding something for you to wear. by the time you had to leave you were dressed in a white top with blue accents and jean shorts.

being fully surrounded by teenagers you didn’t know made you uncomfortable. and all you could think about was that everybody could probably tell. ashley mumbles something about a drink and a cute guy so after she leaves, you walk away from the log you two were sitting at and instead sit down next to a tree a little farther away from the kegger. you sit on your phone for what felt like hours before getting up to go find ashley, who is also your ride.

but as your getting up someone bumps into you and you feel liquid spill all over your white shirt.

“oh my god!” you look down at your shirt, complete ruined and stained.

“shit- i’m so sorry” you look up to see a blonde haired boy with an empty red solo cup in his hands. behind him you hear three teens snickering in the back and watch as they run away.

“is that beer?” you ask irritated. he starts chuckling at your question.

“i mean do you see the color? what else would it be?” he drops the solo cup on the ground before reaching in his pockets for napkins.

“very funny.” you glare at him.

you pause for a minute before continuing, “honestly it’s okay, i just want to get home and forget i even came here in the first place.” you go to grab your purse and your almost dead phone.

“the fireworks haven’t started yet though.” he says taking out a cigarette and lighting it.

“i don’t care. and sorry but can you not smoke near me.” you air out the smoke that’s in front of your nose.

“why? are you asthma- asthmathatic- uh.” he stutters trying to find the right word.

you laugh at the blonde’s attempt at saying the word. “asthmatic?” he nods. “well then no i’m not i just don’t like people smoking near me.”

“is that why you’ve been sitting by this tree for the last three hours on your phone instead of actually talking to people?” he teases.

“are you stalking me? that’s a little weird- um sorry i didn’t catch your name.”

“jj.” he takes his hand out so you can shake it.

you accept it, “y/n.”

“so are you from here? i’ve never seen you around.” he throws his cigarette in the nearest trash can as you continue walking out the kegger. he follows close behind you.

you clutch your purse closer to you as you walk to keep it from falling, “no actually, i live in maine but my grandparents are from here and i wanted to get away for the summer.”

“maine wow, so what do you do up there? it’s up.. right?” he’s walking close next to you now, a couple feet away from the scene you both had come from.

you laugh at his lack of knowledge, “yeah yea- it’s up from outer banks. close to new hampshire, massachusetts you know. but honestly when i’m over there i don’t do much. i just go to school get home and the cycle repeats.”

“hmm. so how do you know audrey, if you’re not from around here?”

“you really are a stalker huh?” you tease him.

he shakes his head smiling at me, “i’m just observant is all.”

“she’s a family friend i guess. this is my first time here since i was like three so i don’t know many people.”

“well now you know me.”

“yeah, i guess i do.” he stops walking after a couple seconds of silence.

“i know i caught ya on your way out but we could still go watch the fireworks together.” he takes his hands through his hair and with the streetlight hitting his face this is the first time you’ve had a good look at him. and you blush a little at the invite and maybe also cause he’s cute.

you sigh, “yeah yeah, that’d be fun.”

[rainparadefromhell]

My thoughts on season 3 of Never Have I Ever

SPOILERS AHEAD !

* author's note : it's long what can you do, i have an obsessive personality

• Things I disliked in no particular order

1. The pacing of this season.

The pacing of this season

The pacing-

I don't know what happened this season but it felt like someone pushed my head into a blender. Many things were so glossed over, I was actually baffled. People kept getting into relationships and breaking up like it was nothing and all sense of direction was lost. Everything felt like a fever dream. Ben and Aneesa break up. She cries one time, kisses Fabiola and now they are in a relationship only for that to not work out and Fabiola gets into another relationship (at this point i forgot Eve existed). No one reacts to anything, things just happen so there is no chance for the viewers to get attached to any new storylines/couples. Just borderline bad writing in terms of pacing.

2. What they've done to Aneesa's character

At the end of the show, the person I felt bad for the most was Aneesa. The writers just would not give her a chance. She wasn't a real character. She barely had any personality beyond being a plot device for multiple characters and getting into meaningless relationships every 5 minutes (the show does have a problem with doing this to all characters tbh). I wanted to know Aneesa better (I hoped for a pov episode) but all I've got was her getting left for another person in not one but TWO relationships? And they made her kinda not even care about it. It just wasn't realistic and I hated it.

3. Des.

Listen, I don't have anything against his character. Because his character doesn't exist. Des got, as well as all the new characters - Aneesa'd. His sole purpose was to give Devi an Indian boyfriend (which is fine). But he was just so.....unnecessary?? I'm sorry but while watching every scene him and Devi shared, I was begging for literally any other character to show up. Same with his two friends (extras) that had about two lines each. His and Devi's relationship, in my opinion would've been just fine as a fling not a real relationship. And it lasted SO. FUCKING. LONG. Why, just why were they wasting time (that could have been given to flesh out old characters) on something everyone and their mother KNEW wouldn't work out or have any meaningful addition to the show. Other things got sidelined, that's why I hated this storyline.

4. And save the worst for last. All of Devi's romantic relationships in s3

Oh God, here we go.

I understand that Devi is a teen girl that just wants to date boys, have fun, be in love. I really do. But as writers, it is the nhie showrunners' job to make this enjoyable for the viewers. And it worked, the past 2 seasons it really did. Team Paxton, team Ben, team Devi.... We've all had something to enjoy. So throwing in another boy - no, two actually (the guitar player she kissed isn't a big part of the show so I don't really care) made me so angry. They've disturbed a sort of a balance between silly/fun the show had with like 3 or 4 love interests all in your face at the same time so they all started to look kinda.... unimportant (except for Ben, but I am biased lol). It looked painfully unrealistic as well.

The show yet again suffered because of its format. you simply can't throw in a bunch of characters in a 30 minute, 10 episode long comedy show and just hope for the best. It felt messy, rushed and fleeting. Like there was no room to breathe, I felt so anxious watching the middle part of the show.

• Things I did like in no particular order

1. The adults' storylines

I found them much more tolerable and cohesive. I am a Nalini stan first and a human second. I just love her. I love watching Poorna be so brilliant in this role. I was thrilled they gave her a friend and quite sad that friend was taken away later on but oh well. Also, possibly my favorite moment in the show was this quote from Nalini : "You are never too much and always enough." This show was the first time I've truly seen my relationship with my own mother represented in a way that isn't black or white and just simple or complicated. For me this scene meant a lot - showing that no matter what may happen, Nalini will always love and support her daughter.

I also liked Kamala's storyline. Tbh I didn't like Prashant all that much. He felt like a more mature Paxton. I'm glad Kamala didn't rush into marriage, especially if it's something she does not want. I really liked the relationship between Kamala and Mr. Kulkarni, I just wish we saw more of them.

2. Trent and Eleanor ??

I totally predicted this!! I said they will be that odd couple that somehow works very well and I was right. They were really entertaining and I'm so glad we get to see more of them.

3. Trent and Paxton ??

I adored Paxton and Trent's friendship. You can tell they love each other in their weird ways. This totally made me like the characters more and I love love LOVE seeing healthy male friendships in media.

4. Paxton

And everybody gasped. (Hell, I gasped, too). Here it comes Paxton/Daxton stans....

I did really like Paxton this season. And he had his moments last season as well, I'll admit that. Is he my favorite character in the show? No. Do I still think he's kinda boring and overrated? Yes. But I did like him. My favorite Paxton moment this season was in the hospital with Ben (as well as his friendship with Ben as a whole). Not only was it very kind of him to stay with Ben and make him feel better, I also loved him admiting he doesn't really know who he is. How incredibly honest of him. I liked that he apologized to all the girls he hurt and that he was friends with Haley again. I also loved him telling Devi she can't love anyone until she loves herself (someone's been reading my posts 👀). He finally started to care about things (school) and even if his storyline is a simple one, it worked. I'm glad he grew as a person. For me, Paxton finally  became a full-fledged character with a unique storyline. It took only 3 seasons but we got there.

5. Benjamin Gross

I could write novels about Ben Gross. I could write about him until my hands hurt and then some more. He is easily one of my, if not my favorite fictional character of all time. He is one of the few characters that, in my opinion, isn't written in an episodic way. Jaren Lewison has this great ability to carry all of Ben's emotions in his pocket and whip out what he needs in a scene with such ease. The character doesn't forget his lessons, he remembers his past feelings and what they taught him which makes him develop and make progress so naturally within the show. Ben Gross isn't just a douche at the beginning of season 1 and a nice guy at the end of season 3. You can see all of his flaws as well as how caring and emotionally intelligent he is at the same time throughout the entire show. I'm so happy he learned to relax and not care as much about grades.

This kinda falls under Ben, but just 3x06 being the best episode (with the finale) for me. I don't know what kind of crack Mindy Kaling puts in the Ben episodes but she gets is right every damn time. Those 4 words being "I'm proud of you" from his dad made me so emotional. I wouldn't want them to be anything or for anyone else. Also I fucking loved Ben being into drawing?? We need more of that.

6. Devi Vishwakumar

My girl. I really liked Devi this season. I loved how they showed she's still grieving. Maitreyi's performance in the scene when Paxton tells her she doesn't love herself yet was so heartbreakingly beautiful. She knew he was right. Also can we talk about the best version of Devi aka post time jump Devi??? I love that girl! You can really tell she matured quite a bit. She's not as hot headed anymore. The only "bad" thing she did was throwing that book or whatever it was in the trash and honestly...? I didn't see how that was such a big deal at all. And the other team kinda cheated, too. Who cares? They're not in a courtroom. I really hope that in season 4 we see her growing even more.

7. The whole gang

One thing I also liked was that everyone was friends with everyone this season. We saw the Paxton-Trent-Eleanor group, Paxton and Ben's friendship, Paxton and Fabiola, Ben-Devi-Fabiola and so on.... I reallllly liked the different dynamics.

8. Ben & Devi

And finally - this is what (some of) you have been waiting for. As you can see the pacing and new characters really messed with how much I loved (or rather didn't) this season. But honestly, now that I had time to think about it, the character development and just the finale really saved the whole season for me. And yes, this includes Ben and Devi. This season we've seen Ben and Devi be mostly, friends. They didn't share many moments until the last few episodes which did frustrate me but that is exactly what made all of them feel so special later on. It was important for them to not spend as much time together then slowly be close friends for the finale we got. I really wasn't expecting it. For all my criticisms about the writing not being the best in some aspects of the show, the writers did such a good job with their storyline and it's safe to say that s3 is my favorite when it comes to them.

Last season we've only seen hints of them pining for each other. This season they were much more honest and comfortable with each other. I cannot stop thinking about how perfectly their little romance was sprinkled over the seasons, with season one's introduction and teasing of their feelings, season two's big conflict and hurt and finally season three's rekindling of feelings and big realizations. None of their storyline felt like sudden big explosions (like with Paxton), just a natural evolution of caring for each other. A sign that it wasn't just a crush (quick and overwhelming) but a first love kind of a situation. Realistic, messy, beautiful, simple. There isn't a doubt in my mind that these two will end up together in some way at the end of season 4. Truly one of my favorite on screen couples all thanks to the brilliant and talented Jaren and Maitreyi.

Overall, I still think the show's best season is season 1. It was almost perfectly set up. However, in terms of characters and our main couple, I have to say season 3 feels the most open, vulnerable and grown up. The last episode felt super special and teased season 4 in which we will see the gang prepare for college. I have huge expectations for season 4 and I really think it could be one of the best ones (best one?), but who knows...

Maybe I'm just a sucker for closures.

Also, I can't believe the finale??? Like they were evil evil for that one, not letting us see what happens! On the other hand I can't be mad bc as a writer that is such a me thing to do. Like, I can totally see myself be that much of an asshole and sadist so I kinda get it. Idk what I will do until s4.

[strxngerbxtches]

Rant Post 😝

ok i’m truly and seriously considering just deleting tik tok at this point.

i have a tendency to want to correct people when they’re like,,,confidently incorrect yknow?

so i saw a video of someone talking about stranger things fan red flags and almost all of them i was super on board with because the person was like,,,actually very right?

until we get to the lovely sweet ‘eddissy shippers are red flags that’s literally illegal she was 16 and he was 21 you’re creepy’

and i in my little dumb woman brain thinks oh!! they just don’t know their ages are actually closer together than that!! so i just shoot them a fairly nice comment that’s basically just like ‘hey! they’re actually more like 17 and 19? so like 2-2.5 years apart at the most! have a nice day!’

and the amount of people calling me, someone literally chrissy’s age, a fucking groomer and pedophile was disgusting. i understand that younger kids have little understanding of nuance and generally how things tend to transpire in the world outside the internet due to the whole pandemic thing, but since when are words like that totally okay to throw around? i’m usually on the side of stranger things tik tok where people are like really respectful of each other and i think it’s because it’s mostly older people and not young teens? but i literally wanted to cry reading some of the shit these kids were writing.

i’m just kinda sad that fandoms get so riled up over stuff as dumb as ship wars. i’ve seen a bunch of posts on here talking about how people tend to moralize their dislike of things and that definitely applies here. steddie and eddissy shippers can live in peace bro, eddie has two hands my god. let my boy be bisexual pls i need the rep as a bi bitch.

i feel like i should know by now not to stir the pot with tik tok because of how moralized EVERY single discussion ends up being? and just how personal things become? it’s becoming more of a hellsite than tumblr at this point which is truly an accomplishment.

also to steddie fans: y’all’s ship is valid! they would be cute together! and i really appreciate those of you that just ship ur ship in peace ur truly the best mwah u deserve the world.

i’m ONLY addressing steddie fans that go out of their way to bash eddissy, chrissy, or grace over a SHIP that is literally fictional.

i find eddissy comforting because i relate to chrissy a lot and eddie reminds me of my s/o to an almost scary degree they’re v similiar? so i really like the ship because i see my own relationship in it basically.

(on a lighter note if anyone has links to any eddissy best friends to lovers fics pls send them my way i beg)

anyway i’m a lil freaked out and stuff now so i’m gonna drink my water and sleep rant overr

[heroes-fading]

hello good morning you have altered my morning with your fic and here are my point by point thoughts

“Love is being there, it’s being solid, it’s being nothing like the back of a man he hardly remembers the face of now.” this line?????? not to trauma dump but as someone whose dad left her 🤪 I’m in so much pain over this one line because yes!!!!!!! it’s not that at fucking all 

“Joel isn’t his father. He’s worse” notes app apology right now. 

no bc Joel bringing up not leaving Ellie but I know this mf says the “You’re not my daughter” line and I’m balling my fists ready to Fight bc as someone (again not to trauma dump) but who has had something similar said, Ellie is better than me I would not forgive as easily LOL 

all I am is crying over the “You’re not my daughter” scene and Joel convincing himself he has to leave her god it’s too early to be hysterical 

“He hopes it’s not a death sentence” well. it’s not Ellie’s death sentence (TLOU2 stares in the distance) (hey let’s think about when that happens and leaving her and he can’t even do anything about it)

thank u for speeding up the forgiveness timeline bc my GOD nothing hurts me more than knowing it was Years they were distant

once again you have hurt me with taylor swift. joel is my emotion support father figure and this fic is the case and point. but this was SO FREAKING good you amaze me

this is me giving you a hug

joel is truly an emotional support father figure for the Community at large. we saw a mass murderer with attachment issues and went "yeah that man? that's my father now. thanks." a bunch of adults and teens went "yeah this is making me mentally ill again i can't wait to write and read a bunch of Scenarios about Fatherhood".

(fun bluestoplights lore -- my dad's dad actually bounced on him before he was even born, probably borne out of an affair. dude went on to become a heart doctor with a building named after him, had kids, married a few times, died nine days after my dad did when my dad was fifty-three and the guy was in his nineties...never once checking in on my dad after he got sick...my dad never said a word about any of it -- he just so happens to look exactly like the guy and i did internet research on obits with nothing but a last name that isn't ours -- but i think a lot about how he tried to show up for us and hung in through hell for the sake of his kids when his dad never once did it for him. add that in with my own deep seated fear of becoming my mother...YEAH oh i put a little flavor in here of my own trauma that's what makes the broth complex i suppose. i don't believe in 23andme or whatever but if i did i could make those kids' lives exciting. everyone loves family trauma!)

anyway, i think every time we write in this lil pool together we're putting bits of ourselves in there. not in the cannibalism way. just the trauma way. so to feel solidarity with that, to explore those feelings in a safe lil space, is so meaningful so i'm glad it resonates and i'm glad we get to feel these feelings together.

[tinyhousepanther]

Todays I-am-very-high-and-have-recently-rejoined-tumblr-because-I’ve-realized-I-need-more-social-interaction-but-tumblr-is-all-I’ve-got-the-energy-for thought is

… drum roll….

the most personal, soul exposing thing I think I could ever do, would be to let some one go through my ao3 bookmarks, even the private ones…. Like the amount of #asexual ♠️ 🐉🌌who kinda likes monsterfucking vibes but is also a depressed millennial who was into Harry Potter and anime and tumblr of yore. Yeesh, how cringe and vulnerable that would be.

Because I like to write when very high and used to write poetry as a moody teen. A good old internet rant into the void. This will get long and old school text formatting like the book House of Leaves is a thing I really love so weird punctuation and spacing ahead.

Also the recursive footnotes in the bartimaeus series

Also, also recently returned to tumblr… lured like a siren into this hell scape of super niche fandoms…. I blame @strange-aeons for making me nostalgic for this place.

On that note. I am actually editing this but mostly because my brain wanted to add things as I read this over for typos because cringe.

Nostalgia leads to reminiscing. I think it was @blackkatmagic who said in a note, that like some niche pairing of fandom like a ship no one asked for but one person dreamed of and a handful of other people liked, is like being in a little boat with them.

(And I had to go find that post so here it is)

And I really like that idea and I like writing stream of consciousness rants when high and also graphs, like data visualization, because I’m an engineer. So a nerd for Venn diagrams that are cool. Like can I make a web diagram bubble graph combo with bubble size for intensity of interest and lines to show how one community spawned an interest in another community? Maybe throw in a color scale for vibes? Like who are the landmarks I use to remember my internet past. Is this what mark zuckerburg is aiming to make for all of us? Can someone build this digital map of my psyche?

Let’s start listing citations to make this glorious journal paper of a post. Giving @strange-aeons or @danielhowell vibes but also @somemorenews and also @scishow and @fishingboatprocceeds energy.

This is like just feeling the need to give a good old trying to describe a very specific mood rant that live journal used to be for.….

Those vibes somehow. Also of course I listen to a lot of podcasts. Like @tanispodcast or @welcometonightvaletranscripts

Who is in this very niche intersection? How narrow of an audience am I?

Or ,

am I yearning for early days Facebook where you just liked a bunch of shitty pages that were just topics. Like quizilla was a window of my internet childhood/preteen (that’s a lie Neopets was first…….)

Which reminds me to also include @dilfosaur and @drawfee. Why do I love the sonic butthole saga so? Is Todd from Mario made manifest into the universe like a tulpa? Am I getting to last podcast on the left now? Do we need to get a net for me??? 🗑️ trap me under a wastebasket like a cat?

God I feel like I’m trying to write a phd thesis on my personality as described via citations of tumblr blogs and other early internet social media. Can I put footnotes in a tumblr post? No. Does my probably autistic ass want them so I can make a hyper detailed thing fully describes a hyper focus moment? Yes. Can I make a whole power point of just internet citations? Yes. Do I have the energy? No.

Should

Be narrating this? I wish, would be interesting if someone I’m citing replies or interacts with this.

Not to brag, but hey I actually did write a phd thesis and some one said it was good enough to give me a fancy piece of paper. I am doctor. Why am I still sad then? Oh, that’s mental illness right. Another citation for a mood elyse meyers

Is this stream of consciousness prose that I am writing while very high and curled in a blanket on my couch while having been overcome by emotion from a fanfic I was reading about a super random cross over of two media from my childhood? Then yes this is me. I am a garbage gremlin of a person who is shockingly successful in life despite my very fun depression and health issues who has way too many parasocial relationships in proportion to real world actual humans I see and interact with on a daily basis.

Is it not the human experience to try and communicate who we are to the world? The innate desire to be seen and known?

Or is that way to high brow for me just wanting to list a bunch of things I like so when I’m having a bad day I can come to this post and just be like…. Oh yeah I did like that one thing.

Like that one video by Drew/Danny/Kurtis that somehow always makes me laugh. Like that friend I had who I could also make laugh by playing the look at this graph vine? 📊. Yes like that. So this my reminder that hey stuff is good and joyful and cringe sometimes, so on the bad days go look at this stuff. I feel @danielhowell has thoughts on this.

That’s it. I should go to sleep. It’s midnight and I have work tomorrow and my cat is glaring at me because we are not snuggling yet.

P.S.

Tumblr really is just MySpace but somehow worse? Yet it’s what we have.

And really the porn had never left. What were they thinking they could do/are doing about it? Like hello tumblrlive makes this app so nsfw to scroll at work when I’ve got time to kill. But also sometimes I want to look at art someone has posted and I’ve got a notification.

[bemusedlybespectacled]

I posted 5,941 times in 2022

That's 3,533 more posts than 2021!

300 posts created (5%)

5,641 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hadeantaiga

@sorrelchestnut

@do-you-have-a-flag

@vaspider

@piratewolf

I tagged 1,460 of my posts in 2022

#our flag means death - 383 posts

#personal - 235 posts

#askbox - 98 posts

#whump - 45 posts

#castlevania - 42 posts

#someone get that man a dom - 42 posts

#the witcher - 36 posts

#con o'neill - 32 posts

#izzy hands - 32 posts

#bb is a lawyer - 31 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#my religious affiliation is 'nothing unless we're discussing different denominations of christianity at which point i am catholic on main'

I sent 1 gift in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

honestly, I'm okay with spending money to get rid of ads my ad-blocker normally can, and I appreciate @staff giving us this option instead of making it a patreon clone. I pay for a subscription to Reddit and TVTropes and Dropout because I can afford it and I like to support websites I want to stay active. I'm actually even more willing to spend that money on Tumblr.

7,753 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

#4

okay I know the popular conception of stede and lucius' relationship is a father/son thing but like, okay, I get it, and I'm here for it, but I also don't get that vibe at all.

like, I don't think lucius admires/looks up to stede in a parental way. he likes stede, he's supportive of stede, but personally I wouldn't call my dad a bizarre little man or ask him how his breakup is going. like, that's way too informal. that's more a relationship of equals than anything else.

nope. I think their relationship is actually elder gay/baby gay (in the sense of experience rather than chronological age). lucius has been out for years, he has a lot of experience in relationships, he is way more able to read relationships (e.g. knowing that ed and stede are flirting before they even realize they're flirting), and because of that he is extremely well equipped to give advice about navigating queerness.

stede, on the other hand, has just barely started to dip his toes in the gay pool. like regardless if you go with the theory that stede didn't even realize he was gay until he met ed or that he knew for years but couldn't acknowledge it openly until he met ed, stede has zero practical experience. he is, in his forties, experiencing a bunch of "firsts" that lucius probably did in his teens or early twenties. the entire emotional landscape is foreign to him (and I was going to make a joke about how pirating is also foreign to him but then I started thinking about how piracy in this show is a metaphor for queerness and that's a whole second essay)

basically I think lucius spent the first however-many weeks on board the revenge being like "oh my god this guy is a naive idiot but at least he's paying me," and then he heard nigel badminton joking about how he used to bully stede in school and his gaydar went off like mad, and at that moment his attitude changed to "someone needs to protect this naive gay idiot and that person is me" and that's where it is for the rest of the season.

9,160 notes - Posted April 14, 2022

#3

the best part is they politely gave alex jones’s lawyer the opportunity to fix their mistake and they DIDN’T DO IT. smh shaking my head

TEN DAYS. THEY HAD TEN FUCKING DAYS. AND THEY DIDN'T DO SHIT. AND THEN THEY HAD A CHANCE TO LOOK AT THE TEXTS AND OBJECT BEFORE THEY WERE ENTERED INTO EVIDENCE AND THEY DIDN'T. the unmitigated GLEE in bankston's voice when he's like "and as of two days ago, it fell free and clear into my possession, and that is how I know you LIED TO ME" is just fucking awe-inspiring. i love this man.

9,412 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

#2

i feel like every activist should read about fruitlands.

fruitlands was a transcendentalist utopian commune founded in the 1840s. the founders (including louisa may alcott's dad) thought that the existing capitalist economy was evil: alcott described it as a tree “whose root is selfishness, whose trunk is property, whose fruit is gold." so they decided to create a commune that was completely divorced from the economy. like, their response to the "you say you're against capitalism but still participate in it! checkmate socialists!" people was literally "you're right, let's not!"

they refused to consume any materials or foods that couldn't be locally grown, like tea or sugar. they were also highkey vegan: not only was it immoral to eat animal products and use animals for leather and wool, but using animal labor or even using manure as fertilizer was forbidden. and they refused to trade for anything they didn't have within the commune because participation in an oppressive economy was bad, especially if it supported slave labor (ex: wearing cotton fabric).

it fell apart in less than a year because they didn't have enough food to survive the winter.

why?

well, part of it was circumstantial: the site they picked had little arable land and they arrived a month behind in the planting schedule. part of it was the impracticality of living in the 1840s and being so vegan that they couldn't even use oxen to plough their fields or wear clothes that were warm in cold weather.

but the main reason was that the men of the commune (and they were almost all men, except for alcott's wife and another woman, ann page) didn't actually, like, do anything. they left all the household chores and childcare to the women, plus most of the farm work, while they sat around and philosophized about how cool their utopia was. even before it fell apart, most people there had began taking "vacations" away from fruitlands so that they could take hot baths and avoid trying to till the soil with their bare hands.

there are a lot of good lessons here.

1. it's very easy to talk about your great ideas for society but putting them into practice is much harder. you have to actually do the work to achieve the goal: you can't shunt it off onto other people based on the same oppressive systems you're trying to subvert.

2. you need to consider the practical implications of what you're arguing for, including potential downsides. banning wool for ethical reasons is all well and good until you're stuck wearing linen clothes and canvas shoes in the middle of a massachusetts winter.

3. you can't expect that a utopia is going to be all the things you like about society staying the same and everything you dislike being changed. that is at best naïve and at worst intensely selfish.

tl;dr: talk is cheap, praxis is hard.

20,261 notes - Posted January 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I already knew a lot of criticisms about cryptocurrency and NFTs but HOLY SHIT Dan Olson just spent two hours very carefully and viciously picking apart every single aspect of the entire operation and explaining exactly why it's capitalism at its worst and is basically a perfect scam machine

23,874 notes - Posted January 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[burymeinblack2022]

i used to adore panic from my early to late teens and still listen to the first four pretty often but i just can't for the life of me get into pftw & the three singles. idk if it's cause i don't like urine as a person or if his songwriting is genuinely just awful imo but i can't stop hating on it <3 also i keep seeing people say the new one has pretty odd vibes?? like po was actually good & imaginative idk what they're on about. or maybe i'm just a bitter old person now lmao

tbf i only got into panic right when 'they' were starting the too weird era and even when i was most into them i wasn't *that* familiar with the band's history/drama but no i think ur right lol i don't think he's ever rly been a great songwriter what he's had, however, is a lot of luck and talented ppl in his corner he could hide behind (bc the frontman is always gonna be the center of attention regardless of their involvement in the process)

ryan was always the one responsible for the theatrical/creative aspects and the lyrics in the beggining and you could tell bc there was a shift when he left but it was still pretty good bc of jon's (i think? correct me if i'm wrong) and pete’s involvement in vices. then around that time i think dallon joined, and we know he's a pretty good songwriter and artist in general, and someone else said it best in the tag that too weird was basically repuposed brobecks he didn't release and he carried most of that album on his back ...beebo piss basically just showed up and sang. i quite liked that one but i can't listen to it now bc remembering how shit beebo piss is and my hatred for him vs how much i love certain songs makes trying to listen feel like i'm a demon trying to enter a church lmao 💀

then doab you can tell he was more involved bc it was MIIIIIILES from what the 'band' used to be and a lot more focused on like, lyrics-wise living large and the pursuit of fame, money and drugs with a bunch of high notes so you'd think it was amazing (and my 15/16 y.o ass thought like half that album was THE SHIT for how it sounded) less creative both in lyrics and imagery and more in line with what was popping off at the time instead of going against the current

but like literally with pftw (which even when i was listening to him still i thought was just the cringiest and most try-hard name) is when it really starts to show he's literally just bad lyrics and high notes in a trenchcoat bc dallon wasn't there anymore and there was no one to hide behind so he had to do all that shit himself. i s2g the only time i listened to that album in full, a bunch of songs fused together in my subconscious bc they all sounded SO SIMILAR i knew they were different but they were just....eh i don't remember being super blown away by any of it and it was by far my least favorite bc it was just. SO pop. i simply couldn’t even bring myself to listen to that silver lining song bc the lyrics and the singing were ATROCIOUS like.....oh my god. yeah...

i haven't listened to any of the singles from this album except for a clip of the newer one to see how bad it was and....it wasn't just bad...it was *REALLY* bad. there's this massive post that compares his newer stuff to rejected imagine dragons and i think that's kinda generous bc imagine dragons might not be 'amazing' but at least they're consistent and the vocals/production is alright. even before for mr piss if the lyrics weren't great he could hide behind good vocals, decent production or talented band members but now even his voice, the star of the show, now sounds so strained from all the drinking and smoking that he can't pull those same notes he used to as his 'one trick' so it's straight up unsalvagable because there's nothing going for it like 'oh the song isn't great but the lyrics are good' none of that. it's just ALL bad now.

i've seen ppl say 'oh but he wrote some songs in po and those were good it's bc he has a lot of cowriters' but it's like. if he was actually good on his own he wouldn't need them and working with them wouldn't make the music worse. i think he's gotten way too comfortable over the years with other ppl doing the work for him and letting fame get to his head and he's no longer capable of making anything good bc he's not that person he used to be (and even then idk if he was v good as a person...)*edit: he's also surrounded by yes men and enablers (Idk if that creepazoid Zack is still around...)*he's been beating a dead horse for years after everyone that made it what it was (good, unique,etc.) left and thinking he was too big to fail. now no one's interested in his music anymore bc not only is he shit, his music is shit too. u kinda almost have to wonder how he managed to push everyone away. he should have taken the L and let the band name go years ago but he knows he's nothing without it and anything he can do on his own will never reach that level so he's living in a shadow thriving of the nostalgia of times long gone but it's just starting to not cut it anymore and people are starting to really see it, i think.

also i absolutely from the bits i have unfortunately seen, don't think it resembles po in any sort of way: it's not folksy, it's not imaginative it's just more sterilized top 40 friendly pop that sounds like 50 other artists and you could tell me anyone else made and i'd be none the wiser. there's no heart it in but it's sure to do well.....delusion is one hell of a drug ig

sorry this was so long i get mad talking abt his stupid ass i could dunk on him for dayyyyys

[driftward]

Title: Karasawa Saga - Party Characters: Karasawa Atraxae, Raubahn Aldynn Rating: Teen Summary: Karasawa goes to a party Notes: None

Karasawa saw Momodi look up and wave at her very enthusiastically as she entered the Quicksand. She pointed a single finger at herself and mouthed ‘me’ at Momodi as she approached, and Momodi covered a giggle with her hand as she helped herself to one of the chairs in front of her desk.

“Hey Momodi, what’s shaking?” asked Karasawa.

“Someone’s been asking after you,” said Momodi with a mischievous looking grin.

“Was it that Thancred kid? He had to come clean up after me, and let me tell you, after that? I will let him have -whatever- he likes,” said Karasawa, even as she swept her gaze over the bottles of liquor on the back.

“Oh, whatever he likes? I shall like to hear of that later,” said Momodi. “But no. General Raubahn said you performed quite the favor for the Sultansworn.”

“Really, my man Owyne just found himself in a bad spot,” muttered Karasawa. “I know what that’s like. Decided to help him out. That’s all.”

“That’s all, said the woman who helped recover a priceless artifact and may well have saved the city from a terrible fate,” said Momodi, the edges of her eyes crinkling in amusement.

Karasawa glanced at Momodi, and laughed. “Bunch of jumped-up, what’d-he-call-‘em, brigands? Please. They wouldn’t have gotten much farther if I hadn’t been there. I just made them get less far a touch faster. Hey, is that purple one any good?”

Momodi turned to look to see what Karasawa was glancing at, and turned to retrieve the bottle, uncorking it. “It’s just juice. Anyroad, however you wish to sell yourself, the General is grateful. You’ve been invited to a banquet.”

“A banquet with a general? With all the best of Ul’dah present, I’m sure? Lots of talking and dancing and being fancy? Pass. How many tokens for the juice?” said Karasawa.

“On the house, it’s just juice. You may want to rethink that banquet, though, it is really quite the honor…” said Momodi, pouring the juice into a glass.

“Oh, quite the honor, you say? Double hard pass,” said Karasawa, and then she muttered, “trust me nobody wants me at fancy do’s.”

“…well, it is the Sultana’s ball, and let’s just say the Lady Lilira would be very disappointed if you weren’t there on her behalf,” said Momodi coyly.

“What do you think I should wear?” said Karasawa immediately, and Momodi laughed.

-*-

Karasawa milled around, spoke with few, and as the night went on found herself mostly trying to figure out how to drain the city’s coffers through the act of eating all of their food when Raubahn approached her. She quickly snarfed down a cupcake as she turned to face him.

“General,” she said. Well, that’s what she meant to say. What came out was more of a “Mremrah” as she tried to speak around the cupcake.

He laughed. “I’m told you are the adventurer that the Sultana has taken a shining to,” he said.

Karasawa shook her head, and washed down the cupcake with some more of that purple juice that had been fetched at her request. She had found she rather liked the stuff. As she did so, she found herself suddenly distracted, with Raubahn standing so close to her. She stared a bit, and set the juice aside, and slowly held a hand out towards him.

He looked at her quizzically.

“Sorry, uh, they’re just… that’s mesmerizing. I think your muscles have muscles. Mind if I, uh - you know, maybe, ah, never mind,” said Karasawa.

Raubahn looked at her for a long moment, and she felt embarrassed, but then he laughed, a big, hearty, jovial sound that filled the room and filled her with the joy of it, and he grinned at her as he curled up an arm and flexed a bicep, slapping it a few times.

“I did used to be a gladiator, lass, and you’ve at least the manners to ask first. Go ahead if you like.”

She wrapped her arms around his bicep, her eyes wide with glee. “By the gods, it’s like sculpted marble. And of course I ask first. I don’t touch people without permission. I mean, unless I’m gonna wallop them. Or if we’ve been good friends for a while and I know it’s okay. Or maybe if they’re asleep and I’m gonna nap on them.

“…actually okay I touch people a lot, but THIS time, I wasn’t gonna do it without asking.”

Raubahn smiled at her. “So, how are you finding the party so far?” he asked.

Karasawa let go of his arm and rolled her eyes. “Awful. Not a single person here is real. I’m not real because I’m trying to be nice and polite and not ruin my friend’s party. The Sultana’s not real because I’ve met her when she’s being real and that tiny polite smile she hides behind while trying to avoid any real conversation, that ain’t real. I think you may be the most real person here, actually.”

Raubahn nodded, his grin fading to a more gentle smile. “I think I see what she sees in you. You’re straightforward with your words. She’s told me about the conversations she and you have had, about the troubles of our fair city. And you’ve the right of it, lass, when you complained to her about how we handle our affairs. We’re up here, eating the rich larder of the land, and just outside the city gate, the people are starving. And you’re right. Behind her guise of stately serenity, she is aghast at the plight of her subjects.”

“…and helpless to do anything about it, aye,” said Karasawa quietly. “I am well used to the uselessness of fighting indomitable systems that have existed long before you were born.”

“You see the truth of the matter then. Aye, there will be no hope for the masses unless and until we can restore power to the crown. I hope that in the days to come, we can rely upon stalwart heroes such as yourself to - what is that? That… light?”

“What is what?” asked Karasawa, and then she frowned as she looked down at herself. She appeared to be glowing. She tried to reach out for her capabilities once more, but once more they evaded her. Well. There was nothing for it. She instead searched her pockets, until she found the source of the glow, and pulled out the locus crystal she had gotten earlier. “…huh.”

As she pulled it out, she began to feel a sensation that she was beginning to find all too familiar, and one she misliked. Pressure buildup, as flux filled her up clear to her eyeballs, resonance keening.

She could hear Raubahn’s voice in the distance. “It is so bright - by the Twelve! Have you been having visions? Visions, of the crystal? I think you may be like as they were… let me explain…”

He began to tell her, of adventurers, lost in some place called Cartenau, and she held on as long as she could, trying desperately to find some way to bleed off the flux before it could overwhelm her. She was certain what he was saying mattered, and she could imagine the voice of her old friend telling her that she had to pay attention to the details.

The story Raubahn was familiar. It was like one of the ones Momodi had told. About the Warriors of Light.

That must have been important. She hoped she remembered it.

“…yours is no ordinary tale. If I am right, the fate of the realm may yet hang upon your deeds. Only heroes and martyrs are fit to bear such a burden. Let us pray you are the former,” Raubahn finished, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Karasawa nodded, stiffly.

“Hey, so, I gotta take this,” she said, just on the very edge of feeling like her head was going to explode. “I’m about to go real stiff and stare off into the distance for a while, okay?”

“Lass?” said Raubahn, but already reality was receding, and memories that were not hers were rushing in.

Raubahn’s memories. Memories of a battle over a battered plane. Memories of him and several others she did not recognize. A battle lost, as fire streaked from the sky and devoured the earth. Orders to retreat, the voices of the lost.

And memory of a man in a mask. A long lost kin, who seemed to revel in the destruction.

Oh, she was going to kick his ass five ways to Darksday if she could help it.

-*-

When she came back, she was not in the banquet hall.

It seemed someone had taken the time and effort to move her, carefully, to a bed in the inn. She looked herself over. She was still dressed, and she still had all her devices on her. She frowned, pushed herself out of bed, and made her way out to the main area.

It wasn’t long before she had caught up with Momodi at the front desk. Apparently, whatever else had happened, that last memory resonance had gone on long enough to alarm several guests at the banquet. Raubahn had made her excuses for her, and had managed to very carefully steer her down to the Quicksand, where Momodi had seen to it she was put to bed to be kept watch over.

Apparently she could walk while in that state so long as someone was willing to hold onto her. Good to know, she supposed.

“…anyroad,” said Momodi, finishing the embarrassing tale of Karasawa’s walk of shame, “the General asked that you stop by and speak with him when you’re back on your feet and feeling up to it. He’s usually over at the Hall of Flames - that’s just widdershins from here, if you follow the pathway out front.”

Not more than a bell later, Karasawa found herself led by someone calling themself one of the General’s Lieutenants to outside a large office door with an ornate symbol on its outside. A jewel and and a flame, balanced on either side of a scale. Popular enough motif in these parts, she thought. The Lieutenant knocked on the door, and walked inside.

“The adventurer, Karasawa Atraxae, at your request, sir,” the woman said, bowing and gesturing at Karasawa to enter. Karasawa shot her a look and raised an eyebrow as she walked past her, waving to Raubahn.

“Hey there boss,” she said. “Momodi says you wanted to talk to me before I went off and found more trouble?”

“I’ve been waiting for you, Karasawa. I trust you are fully recovered?” asked Raubahn.

Karasawa shrugged. “Sure, until the next gods forsaken time the resonance starts keening and my teek goes all out of whack,” said Karasawa.

“…I do not understand much of what you say, but if you are well for now, that is well enough. There is much work to be done—work that I would have you do,” said Raubahn.

Karasawa nodded, crossing her arms and leaning against a wall. “Sure. Whatcha got?” she said.

“I have prepared some letters for my counterparts in the Eorzean alliance. Five years ago, lass, we looked on, powerless, across the battlefield of Cartenau. Our armies locked in mortal combat with the Garleans. And then routed by that thrice-damned primal they thought to summon.”

Primal. That was a weird word, and it didn’t translate quite right. Created belief? Faith concept? Several ideas of what it could be flashed across Karasawa’s mind, none of them as solid as she would like.

Raubahn continued without pause even as she puzzled that conundrum.

“Not a day goes by that I do not think of my fallen comrades… and of the Warriors of Light, of whom no trace remains. The tragedies of the Calamity are not so easily forgotten, nor should they be. Remembering what we lost reminds of us what we had. To that end, I mean to mark the fifth anniversary of the Battle of Carteneau with a memorial service honoring the fallen. It is my hope that my counterparts in the Alliance will agree to do the same. And I would have you bear my words to them as my personal envoy. You’ll be granted an airship pass for the purpose, lass. I intended to anyroad, but there were, shall we say, others who fair insisted. Airship travel’s not what it used to be, what with the ever-present threat from the Garlean empire, but I feel you deserve it and more - and it shall serve you well in the days ahead. What say you?”

Karasawa blinked at him a few times, and then she laughed.

“Oy, me, an envoy! Like, a diplomatic envoy?

“You have got to be kidding.”

[niniane17]

So I finally watched Saltburn. Spoilers, I guess? Whatever.

Why didn't anyone tell me what it was about? I thought it was some smutty teen movie about a crush! And there I was, thinking that my decade-long hyperfixation with the zombification process would never come in handy!!!

The rest is under the cut because it's a long read.

(As if anyone will care LOL)

I'll be honest and say I watched it mostly because I read somewhere it was a teen movie set in 2007 about a bunch of teens, and guess who also was a teen back then? I even visited Oxford in summer 2006. Though people had long forgotten Murder on the dancefloor. I think the hit was I don't feel like Dancing. Rosamund Pike was still known as Jane Bennet to most people, and she was in London starring in a Tennessee William's play -I know because I had a leaflet, and I think I have it somewhere still. Oh those were the days!

But in the end, I'm glad I didn't know a lot about it, so I could enjoy with fresh eyes and no preconcieved notions, which I did, up to a point. Then I stopped.

Please note that I will only described the themes here, because if I were to nitpick the plot (especially its insane timeline) I may never finish. Though I do wish we'd seen the dialogue between Lady Catton and her lawyers at the end: I may buy her being stupid enough to give away her inheritance to some kid she knew years ago, but I absolutely don't buy her legal firm accepting it.

Ehm. Anyway.

It has been described as a "eat-the-rich" film, and in a way it is, in the same way The Witch is about female empowerment.

As I said before, much of the audience's confusion towards that movie comes from the fact that we see women's liberation and empowerment as a good thing, whereas the folktales clearly depicted it as a bad thing. The same thing happens here.

The protagonist does, in a way, eat the rich people around him, or rather he drinks them, since it mostly uses the vampire metaphor, but it's not supposed to be a good thing. I've read somewhere it's supposed to be "ambiguous" but no, sorry, there's nothing ambiguous about it. The upper class is depicted as stupid and kind of rude, but ultimately harmless. Most notably, we don't even know how they made so much money, though it's hard to belive they made it by being silly and harmless.

In contrast, Oliver lies all the time, and the big twists* about him are that he faked his poverty, revealing a wallet full of money (because if you have money in your wallet or even bank account that means you can spend it. Budget? What's that?) and that he faked his interest for Felix, at least initially. Perhaps he did come to love him eventually, but his desire is always tied to creepy or downright necrophilic acts, showing that for him, they're one and the same. The representation is crude, but the message is clear: the only way two members of different classes can be equal and in a loving relationship is if one of them is dead, and if you allow any mingling between the classes, lower one will absorb the upper one until there's nothing left of it.

Yeah, well, I don't care for that, to say the least.

I do understand the movie is symbolic, it's not like they're trying to hide it: there are vampires, doppelgangers, ghosts, fairies, minotaurs, pagan gods, and so on. I was sad for a moment there were no zombies, but then again, it's better this way: zombies represent undenturent servitude and slavery, and this is a movie where being faithful to your master is shown as a good thing. I really don't want to see a story where a Zombie Master is the good guy.

(You know you hit rock bottom when fucking D&D are better at themes than you)

So yeah, I do get it Oliver is a symbol. It's just that I think he's the symbol of something awful, right from the Victorian Era, with all its anxiety and fears about social mobility. It may be wrapped in a shiny package to appeal to young people but the content is reactionary and very dangerous.

Besides, even at a symbolic level, it's a failure: even the evilest vampire is made, not born. Who turned Oliver first? And where is it? Is it still out there, haunting Britain, Europe, and possibly the world, like a ghost? Nobody seems to care.

(Yeah, that's another thing: the upper class screaming for help because they're hunted by ghosts. Yeah, well, I sure hope you are. The question is by which)

(No, I'm afraid Dickens won't be of any help this time. Trust me, he really won't)

It isn't even that I don't understand the fear of being preyed upon and sucked dry by people close to you. I do, and it's even happened to me. But in my experience, the relationship with those people tend to complicated and very difficult to parse. In a way, it's almost a comforting fantasy thinking of them as machiavellian geniuses out to get you, rather than people who have their own shit going on who just don't care about your feelings as you care for theirs. Or who just don't like you as you like them.

Speaking of which, I've seen people argue this is not a story about class but rather about shitty individuals, but it doesn't work. Just like Eggers' Witches are inextricably tied to their gender, and the horror comes from the difference between how women ought to behave and how the witches behave, Oliver's deeds are tied to his middle class extraction, and the horror comes from the difference between what he does and how he ought to behave instead.

And the members of the "lower class" do know how they should behave: indeed, towards the end we see Oliver being looked at with disgust by the manor's servants, and the butler is very antagonistic towards him. Tellingly, the movie's original ending showed Oliver being served the same breakfast he had refused at the beginning, symbolizing the fact that for the working class he will always be an usurper who may have inserted himself into the upper class but doesn't have the "right blood". I guess this was a little too much even for them.

Finally, it costs me to admit it, but even those filthy rich people have to work, or at least some of them do. The illusion of living a carefree life full of leasures is just that, an illusion. Once Oliver's dance is over, he's got a shitload of work ahead of him, possibly for the rest of his life. If he were a true-born (lol) parasite, that would scare him shitless.

I did like the deer costume though, it was neat. I also liked the dance, but I would have chosen Can't touch this instead.

TL; DR: Watch The Talented Mr Ripley instead. And then watch US by Jordan Peele. Ok it's set in a different country with different politics and blah blah blah, but at least it knows what story it's telling and also zombie metaphors are so much better for these things. Also I'd recommend The Shadow by Andersen too. It's a nice story that predates a lot of the modern doppelganger ones.

*Get it??? Oliver's Twists???? No but really, of all the literary references this is the one that makes the least sense. It just so happens that Dickens did, in fact, write about a villain focused on slowly evicting his master from his house in a parasitic way, and he was also compared to a vampire (and a zombie too, though Dickens doesn't use that word of course. And I think there's some ambiguous shit going on with him too, if you know what I mean). The difference is that Dickens, as a member of the middle class, wants to protect the middle class' interests so he depicts the working class member as the evil parasite. I guess what goes around comes around.

Couldn't anyone just...I don't know, google all this shit? It's not like Dickens is some unknown writer. I also don't think the Midsummer Night's Dream references were relevant, but I guess Othello would have been too obvious? IDK. Slutty fairies are cool, though.

[geekymlt]

Movie Review: Troy vs 300

Let’s talk Ancient Greece.

I’m on a bit of a history kick lately.  It started with me reading a novels on Nefertiti and Alexander the Great, then listening to the Mythos Series by Stephen Fry, and now here we are: reviewing Troy (2004) and 300 (2007). I’m not sure why I’m even writing this.  I’m not sure if anyone is even going to read this.  But hey, if you’re here, welcome.  Enjoy my slightly deranged ramblings about historical films, I guess.  In any case, I decided to watch Troy, which was a mistake.  Especially when compared to 300. 

Let’s begin by saying that yes, I know Troy was nominated for a bunch of awards when it came out.  And it even won some (such as the Teen Choice Award for Brad Pitt as best actor).  But this movie is just… bad.  It just doesn’t age well.  It just looks dated.  The font they chose for any words plastered on the screen looked like Papyrus. The fight scenes feel too long and a bit clunky.  During the opening scene, for example, I didn’t realize that my firestick was acting up and making the audio drag.  I couldn’t even tell. I just thought it was long, dreary music for a long, kind of boring scene.  And that’s not even touching on the not great acting.  Eric Bana kills it.  He is a great Hector.  But Orlando Bloom just comes across as a whinier version of Will Turner.  Brad Pitt’s Achilles seems like his biggest fighting tactic is making a Blue Steel face at everyone.  Peter O’Toole (who apparently hated the movie) plays Priam, and honestly, comes across as a incompetent father and ruler.  But more than that, I think my main problem is the overall plot? I’m not even sure.  I’ve seen plenty of historical films.  I really like movies that are based more on reality and history, but maybe in Troy’s case, you just need the magic and mysticism of the gods and goddesses to really make it work.  Without it, it’s just the story of how Paris and Helen fucked up a bunch of people’s lives and ruined an entire kingdom.  (And trust me, I could go on forever about how much I hate Paris and Helen.  I won’t, but if you want my real time reactions, see my raw notes at the very end.  It’s….a lot.)

But then I consoled myself by watching 300, which I actually really enjoyed. Now, some of the enjoyment of watching 300 is being able to go, “Oh hey look it’s that meme.” But the pacing was much better.  At no point was I clicking to see how much more time was left.  The fight scene felt smooth and actually pleasant to watch.  The characters were nowhere near as cringe as in Troy (even if Leonidas did mysteriously develop a slight Scottish accent every now and then; I love Gerard Butler, but he needs to pick an accent and stick with it).  I did notice that there was no normal lighting in any of the scenes, but that’s honestly a very small complaint.  The lighting and color choices weren’t unappealing, and I probably only noticed because I had watched Troy prior to 300.  And Troy might suffer from the lack of mysticism, I don’t think 300 has that problem.  Sure, Leonidas does go to see Pythia the Oracle and they do talk about appeasing the gods, but make no mistake.  This is the story of Leonidas, who in this telling feels like he could rival any of the Greek heroes before him.  

Listen, I get that Troy is hamstrung by source material, so a lot of my gripes can’t be directed at the movie itself.  But it just doesn’t age well, at least not when compared to 300.  The cinematography is just better, the CGI is just better, and I feel like the story is just told better. It’s really hard to believe that they were only made three years apart.  In a head to head (theater) battle, Leonidas wins. 

Verdict

Troy: 3/10 (mostly because fuck you Paris and Helen, you got Hector killed)

300: 7.5/10 (probably due to nostalgia)

A few ending thoughts:  

I still really would like an Odyssey sequel starring Sean Bean. He is the perfect casting for Odysseus.

David Wenham is a poor man’s Sean Bean, but I still really love him.  Also, in my raw notes I ponder if he is the voice of the Narrator for Deadliest Warrior.  He is, but he used a psuedonym.  Why?  I’m not entirely sure.  

I cannot tell you how much I really, truly hate Paris and Helen. I don’t even remember hating them this much when I originally read the Iliad, but fuck me, every scene with one of them in it made me want to bash my head against the wall. Epic love story my ass. 

Vincent Regan is the “Hey it’s that  guy” of Ancient Greek movies, I guess.  He played the Captain in 300, Eudorus in Troy, and something in Clash of the Titans.  Apparently, he also has done a few other historical movies as well. 

The scene with Pythia the Oracle makes me deeply uncomfortable.  Just these old dudes chaining up a girl and getting her high so they can interpret her dreams, I guess.

I made my boyfriend watch 300 with me.  He fell asleep. How do you even fall asleep during 300?

This really has nothing to do with Troy or 300, but while listening to Heroes by Stephen Fry, I found out the origin story of Heracles and uh…. It’s really not like the Disney version.  Whooooo boy.

Raw notes in real time (Sorry about all the Helen hate and the butchering of names and spellings. It’s so hard to keep movie notes on my phone.)

Troy:

This movie is from 2004.  20 years ago. and even in HD, it looks like it.  I don't recall lord of the rings looking this bad on my last rewatch.  maybe it's the font?

so my firestick does weird shit with sound and the entire first scene must have had the slowed sound and i didnt even notice.  and then froze.  fun times

lols achilles doing fuck boy shit -- though i wonder if thats based on source materials

why is achilles armor one solidish piece and no one else's is 

slightly upset that avatar is somehow longer than the story told in the fucking ILIAD.  how

eric and orlando look like babies, also diane kruger could have had anyone and wound up settling for norman reedus.  y tho

hahahah hector's face when he realized when paris is up to 

yo that must have been some instense sex if they're both that sweaty

"do you love me brother"  oh fuck.  and hector knows it 

this is really just the story of men being stupid

WHY WOULD YOU LET ANYONE SEE HER

the war angle honestly is the more interesting part of this story.  

Sean beanie baby! 

Achilles is right tho. 

Odysseus and his tricks.  

Yup. Men having 0 self preservation and women just telling the truth 

Why king priam doesn't yeet Paris off the roof.  Helen fucking sucks 

Saffron burrows is gorgeous 

Hector is fucking right.  Let Paris follow her. 

Yeah. Do that Paris. Paris and Helen fucking suck.  

Oh hey your city is under attack 

Once again, men being stupid. 

These fight scenes... aren't great 

Yeah maybe you shouldn't have defiled that statue Achilles (also is that Jude law?) 

Wtf Hector why would you go in there 

Also Jude law/chris meloni hybrid is vincent regan. Idk who that is 

Poor baby cousin rose byrne 

War is young men dying and old men talking 

Good let Paris burn.  Hes an idiot 

Poor andromache. She doesn't deserve this shit 

Helen doing Helen bullshit 

Eric banas aussie accent slips in there occasionally 

Menelaus could just kill Paris and this could all be over.  But no fuck you Hector. Also this fight scene is bad and they should feel bad for making me watch it. Its like seeing two drunk dudes in scranton fight over a chick.  Menelaus isn't wrong to be honest. LMAO PRIAMS FACE 

I still don't understand why Hector went to engage Ajax.  

Hector would have been a good ruler 

Louise voice: oh man Paris.  You should kill yourself 

I think I dont understand ancient Greek romance.  

Patrocolus is such a whiny baby 

Listen to Hector you fools 

Troy is so fucking stupid 

Ok but those flaming ball things are cool 

Remember when I said Hector was smart?  Maybe not so much 

But also fuck patrocolus. why did he do that? And not Jude law.  Not Jude law fucking had to know what was happening and did  nothing.  

I do not envy those people having to tell Achilles. But Brad pitt has a terrible cry face 

All of this could have been avoided if people had just listened to Hector at every step. But no.  No one listened to Hector and now he gets to die and his body desecrated. Fuck this movie. Oh and fuck you Helen. 

The only decent fight scene. Then ruined by Achilles being a douche 

Priam. You asshole.  You listened to the stupid priest over Hector. Had you listened to Hector, this wouldn't be an issue.  

Man if I was andromache I would have so much resentment for Helen. 

This is what happens with Hector gone.  Priam and the priests: oh sweet look at this baller horse the Greeks left us. Let's bring it inside! Do you really think Hector would let them bring that inside?  Fuck no.  Also why does priam always listen to the priests and not his kids? 

Sure just start slaughtering people. Sounds legit. 

Welp. Bye bye Troy.  I blame Priam.  Hes on par with boromir and faramirs dad on bad fathers 

SAVE THE HORSIES 

where is andromache and the baby. They need to get out now 

Hey priam, look at your city.  You did that shit.  

Fuck you agamemnon. You greedy shit. 

Run andromache 

Oh briseis.  Even though that's not how agamemnon ends i appreciate it. 

Such bullshit that Paris is the only one who lives with his lover. All of this was his fault to begin with. 

I love that it ends with Sean beanie baby. 

300 is a better movie, but id watch a Sean bean Odysseus movie all day long

300:

Graphics are better 

Visuals and cinematography is better 

Is this narrator the dude from deadliest warriors.  Wait, it is.

Why does teenage warrior look like David Sampson or the dude that plays nu!Spock 

Poor puppy 

Oh shit it's faramir 

Leonidas looks like that meme 

Hello cersei. 

Lol this dude is so dead 

All I can think of when I hear xerxes is scissor me xerxes

Omg all the this is Sparta memes 

Ephors look like orcs 

Weird how the ephor is translating exactly what they said before. 

Oops. Gerard butler ass 

Awww shes a good wife 

Yeah I forgot about the sex scene. Oops 

Why does Gerard butler look older in 2006 than now 

And the captain was eudorus from Troy! Vincent regan.  

They know this is the last time they'll see each other 

Why is this movie so much better than troy 

Fucking Hannibal move. Now I miss Hannibal 

Wtf is that smeagol looking bullshit 

Yo this music rocks.  But like. .. why? Also they didn't do anything. The storm did 

Wait stop. Fassy is in this movie? 

Lol suckerrrrr (about wall) 

Did they cgi everyone's abs? 

Awww poor smeagol. 

Do the Spartans fail because Leonidas is too prideful?  Goes against the oracle and gods, rejects ephilades. Lies to elders 

Casting differences between Troy and 300 

I dont understand war logistics but I dont get why they moved from cove 

Time to fight in the shadow, like fassy said 

Ok the hoard vs the Spartans. There's no way. Its not logistical.  Even with the phalanx, wouldn't they get tired 

Cersei  has some very 2000s eyebrows 

Ew Theron. 

I love the random Persians still alive that the Spartans are killing 

Oh scissor me xerxes! 

God kings are a very Egyptian thing. I wonder if Persians share that culture. Also ... Gerards accent makes Leonidas sound like a crazy Scotsman.  This whole scene is fucking hilarious 

All these lotr rip offs.  Immortals are just nazghuls

Let's be real, this lotr aragon story line condensed into one movie 

Lol Acadiana as backups 

WAR RHINOS YESSSS

It's a holy hand grenade 

War elephants! 

Stelios/astinos ship? 

Well that kills that, never mind. 

Wtf goat thing is that 

Oh Theron is Dominic west. Explains a lot 

If Leonidas had just... not been a dick to Greek smeagol 

Daxos is right tho?  Fuck that glory shit 

Tonight we dine in hell.  More memes 

Queen gorgo is bad ass.  And Theron is proven to be a snake 

Kill that Greek smeagol 

Wait how to dilios know all this?  He's not there.  Get is stelios.  But also xerxes has some on point makeup.  Also um... gods don't bleed. 

Captain is such a bad ass. 

More memes 

😢😢😢😢😢 oh Leonidas 

I love Dave wenhams voice.  Go get em boys The end.

[dyslexic-gremlin]

Goose is the Best Emotional Support [ch. 3]

Read on AO3!

Chapter title: Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds

Summary: Carol decides to leave Goose with Peter when she's needed for an away mission. During the weekend he has her, Peter shows Goose off to the other people at the Avengers Compound. Some of the reactions are mixed, but how can you not love such an adorable kitty?

Notes: Basically just a bunch of fluff with Goose and Peter hanging out with people.

Main characters: Peter Parker, Goose, Michelle Jones, Ned Leeds

Important tags: Fluff (that's it)

Word count: 1301

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday, 7:25 PM

Every other week, when Peter would be at the Avengers Compound for the weekend, Ned and MJ would stay over for a night or two. The time would be spent doing homework, fucking around, eating a dinner Steve (and Tony, to a lesser extent) would frown upon, and then (hopefully) going to bed before three in the morning. Sometimes they’d focus on one task over the others, but everything would be done at one point.

That time around, Ned and MJ were picked up by the Black Widow and Hawkeye. It wasn’t as if the pair hadn’t met most of the team before, but it was the first time any of the heroes had picked them up. Normally, Happy would swing by around six o’clock to collect them from one of their homes and they’d arrive at the compound in around an hour. Because, like any normal person, Happy followed the rules of the road when not in an emergency.

Natasha Romanoff was not a normal person. The two heroes had arrived later than expected, but neither teen would complain over the free ride(s) they were getting and it was brushed off. After getting over the initial shock of seeing Natasha, MJ had begun to discuss whatever political situation was happening at the moment as soon as they got situated in the car. Ned himself did all he could to not spout all the random questions that popped into his head. 

The first red flag that caught Ned’s attention was when Natasha shifted from the parking gear to drive Clint had latched onto what he could. The second was when the archer turned to the back seat.

“I’d hang on if I were you,” was all the warning the teens got before Natasha peeled out of the parking spot and swerved dangerously around any stationary cars.

Ned braced himself against the door and clutched onto the assisted grip with a string of, “Oh god we’re gonna crash– oh my god, oh fuck– holy shit.”

Despite not being exceedingly religious, Ned repeated prayers over in his head and struggled not to retch when the car took a sharp left at an intersection. 

This is it, this is how I die! The teen screwed his eyes shut, I want Peter to inherit all my LEGO sets.

A snort to his left drew Ned’s attention and he looked over to see Michelle not fazed in sharp contrast to him. She wasn’t even holding onto anything except for the phone in her lap. Ned had always known the girl was a robot, and the current situation proved it. 

“Don’t be such a pussy, Leeds. My dad pushes 70 in 30 zones,” the dark-skinned teen stated simply and pulled out a book from her bag. She relaxed into her seat and cracked her book open to wherever she left off.

Clint shared a look of horror with Ned.

“Oh lord,” Hawkeye put his head in his hand that wasn’t still holding on for dear life, “there’s two of them.”

The bright side to the terrifying drive was it only took them around thirty minutes due to Natasha’s total disregard for speed limits and stop signs (later, when Ned brought it up to Peter, his friend shared that the police knew Natasha’s license plate by heart and had given up on pulling her over). Peter was waiting outside to greet them and give his friends his condolences for their car ride. After Ned was able to calm his racing heart to a more acceptable speed, the two boys took a moment to share their handshake. 

“C’mon, you guys can head to my room. I’ll be there in a bit, I need to track down Goose.”

No more explanation was given and Peter quickly ran off inside. MJ just pushed past Ned with faux annoyance when he didn’t move and they both started towards their friend’s room with little to no discussion. There weren’t any other people around other than the handful of staff they passed before arriving in the residential area, although they did catch sight of Mr. Lang out in the backyard with Wanda.

Ned liked Scott (he was like a fun uncle that didn’t have his life together but stayed funny and positive nevertheless) and Wanda was delightful to talk to, but all they could do was share a wave through the window before they entered Peter's room. 

“MJ… did Peter say he had to find a goose?” Ned questioned as he dropped his bag onto the floor and began to dig for his homework.

MJ followed suit as she claimed the only desk in the room and got comfortable in the computer chair. “Hell if I know. Parker’s a weirdo that swings around in pajamas, is him chasing down a goose that strange?”

She had a point, so he just shrugged in response and plopped down onto the bed to start on their science worksheet. Ned was only a few questions into his work when the door suddenly flew open and a cat scrambled under the bed. Running in after them was Peter with a squirt bottle clutched in his hand.

“I swear to god!” Peter exclaimed and crouched down to peer under the bed. “You better get out here and apologize for scratching up the curtains!”

Ned and MJ shared an incredulous look.

“Umm…” Ned crawled to the side of Peter’s bed to watch, “you okay?”

His friend didn’t give him an answer and reached an arm under the bed to pull the cat out by their scruff. If a cat could look remorseful, then Ned would say this one did. 

“So that’s Goose?” MJ inquired as she placed her worksheet into her textbook before she closed it and inspected the tabby cat. 

“Yup,” Peter confirmed and set Goose down on the bed next to Ned. Without hesitance, the cat climbed onto the boy’s lap as if it gave them a form of protection. Peter sent the cat a glare.

With heaps of hesitancy, Ned lowered a hand onto Goose’s head. The cat didn't seem to care and they even shuffled closer to Ned’s belly. With a smile, he started to pet them.

“Dude, why’re you chasing a cat around?”

Peter huffed while he continued to glare at the feline, “This jackass decided to scratch up the common room’s curtains! Like, I know you know better! Carol mentioned how flerkens have a better brain capacity than Earth cats.”

It took a minute for the puzzle to piece itself together in Ned’s brain, but the second it did the boy had bolted from his seat (sadly startling Goose whose tail fluffed up for a moment). He hugged a far wall and gapped at the cat– no, flerken (whatever the fuck that was) as they climbed their way onto the desk.

From what Ned had learned, anything abnormal was either dangerous or an alien. Or both, as it was a lot of the time. He could vividly remember the day Peter came to school with a snake hidden in his backpack that turned out to be the goddamn God of Mischief.

“Please don’t be a demigod, please don’t be a demigod,” Ned muttered to himself as Peter peeled the cat look-a-like away from where they’d settled next to MJ.

Peter (with his heightened senses) heard him. The teen spun around with the creature in his arms and faced his friend with a deadpan look.

“No, she’s not a demigod, trust me. Goose is harmless– well, to us at least.”

Ned let out a sigh and relaxed until MJ brought up the obvious. She tapped her pencil against the table to gain his attention, before telling Ned, “That does mean she is dangerous, though. Keep on her good side, Leeds.”

Chapter index: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]

[deanstead]

i hate cramps

Pairing: Kelly Severide x Reader

Requested: yes, by @chicago-fire-pd-med

Summary: Experiencing one of her worst cramps ever, Y/N passes out while Kelly’s out on call.

Word Count: 1,000

Warnings: mentions of bad period cramps, fainting

A/N: I didn't really know what to do with this but anyway I hope it turned out okay! Feel like I haven't posted Kelly in a while. Also, just a note that everyone has different experiences with this, so I can only write from my own angle!

KELLY SEVERIDE MASTERLIST

There was a rap at Kelly’s door and he looked up.

Herrmann standing at his door wasn’t a normal sight, so Kelly turned his chair around, wrenching his eyes away from his paperwork. “What’s up, Herrmann?”

“I pulled Y/N off duty, her face is white as a sheet but she won’t tell me exactly what’s wrong. I was worried but we can manage without her today.” Herrmann said, pointing backwards towards the bunks.

Kelly’s eyes darted towards where he could see you curled up on your bunk bed, before he looked back at Herrmann and nodded.

“Keep an eye on her will you?” Herrmann added.

Kelly nodded back at Herrmann, just slightly annoyed with himself that he hadn’t noticed earlier. “Thanks for letting me know.”

Kelly pushed back from his chair, heading out to where you were curled up on your bunk, glad that no one else was in here for the time being.

“Y/N?” Kelly touched your arm gently.

You opened your eyes gingerly.

“What happened? You were fine this morning when we left the apartment, you…” Kelly trailed off as he met your eyes, glancing at the date on your phone that had lit up next to you. “Oh.”

Kelly leaned in closer, lowering his voice even more. “You should have told me if your cramps were this bad.”

You blinked back at him. “How did you…”

“Come on, you’ll be more comfortable in my office.” Kelly said, scooping you into his arms while you hissed at him that you were in the firehouse. You needn’t have bothered though since it practically fell on deaf ears.

Kelly put you on his own mattress gently before he glanced at you. “Did you take your painkillers already?”

You just nodded. “I hate cramps.”

“I know.” Kelly sighed, before he turned to leave. He was back in a short while, though, armed with a heat pack he’d gotten from Sylvie. Kelly reached over gently pressing it over your abdomen, just as the bells rang.

Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61, Person trapped.

Kelly glanced up before he looked back down at you. You nodded. “Go.”

Kelly leaned back down to press a kiss to your forehead. “Get some rest, I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

You’d nodded off to sleep sometime after hearing Kelly’s footsteps leave his office. The heat pack had worked, kind of, at least for a short period of time but you’d been woken by the pain ripping through your body again.

It wasn’t unusual for you to have bad cramps, but this month seemed to be the worst you’d had so far. The firehouse seemed quiet so they must not have returned from the call yet. Thinking a hot cup of something might be helpful, you’d swung your legs off his bed, waiting just a moment before you pulled yourself to your feet.

You exhaled, making it as far as the door of his office, one hand pressed on your abdomen, the other hand gripping the door frame before you felt another wave of pain wash over you. You groaned, feeling nothing but white hot pain shoot through you before you crumpled to the ground.

Kelly hopped out of the truck, shedding his jacket and boots before he headed straight in, wanting to check on you.

The call had taken a little longer than he’d expected and he couldn’t deny the feeling of annoyance he had that they’d had to go out to get another bunch of teens out of a situation they’d put themselves in.

Kelly turned towards his office, pausing as he got closer, before he realized what he was looking at.

“Oh my god, Y/N!”

Kelly rushed right to your side. “Y/N!”

Matt, Herrmann, Sylvie and a few others were right behind him hearing the commotion.

“Let’s take her to Med.” Sylvie said, bending over you in full PIC mode.

When Kelly didn’t respond, Sylvie spoke louder. “Severide! Come on, help me get her to 61.”

Kelly scooped you into his arms, carrying you all the way out to the ambulance, climbing in the back with you.

“We’re right behind you.” Matt assured as he closed the ambulance doors behind Kelly.

“Her vitals are good, I’ll just prescribe something stronger for the pain.” Natalie told Kelly, who nodded. “Next time if she’s in such pain, give us a call, or just come straight in, alright?”

Kelly nodded, smiling. “Thanks.”

Natalie smiled back and nodded. “Once she wakes up, I’ll check in on her but we’ll probably be able to discharge her then.”

Kelly turned back towards you, his hand over yours. After the first update, Kelly had asked everyone to head back to 51 and he’d call with any other developments. It was a moment later before your eyes fluttered open.

You frowned. “Kelly…? What…?”

Kelly gave a sigh, before he reached forward to help you sit up. “I came back to the firehouse to find you passed out in my office. What happened?”

“I… I thought a hot drink might help so I…” You groaned. “I hate this.”

Kelly sighed, pulling you into a gentle hug. “I thought my heart was going to stop when I saw you on the floor, seriously.”

You smiled against his shoulder but didn’t say anything.

“Next time if it gets this bad, you have to let me know.” Kelly said, pulling away slightly to look at you.

You gave him a small smile and nodded. “I can usually handle it, you know? So I thought…”

Kelly gave you a look and you let out a small smile before you quickly nodded. “I promise.” You said.

Kelly squeezed your hand gently. “I’ll let Natalie know you’re awake.”

As Kelly stood, you reached out for his hand, grabbing his pinky. “Kelly.”

Kelly turned back to look at you.

“Thank you.”

Kelly leaned back in to press his lips gently on your forehead. “Nothing to thank me for. Just doing my boyfriend duties.”

THANK YOU FOR READING!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS!! SHARE WITH ME YOUR FAVOURITE LINE/PART IN ANY WAY YOU’RE COMFORTABLE!

If you want to support me, buy me a coffee!

[taegyuun]

enhypen falling in love at first sight with idol!reader

genre: fluff

pairing: enhypen x idol!reader

warning: swearing

word count: 1.4k

request: this might be cliché but can i request enhypen reaction to like falling love in first sight with another idol?😊 thank youuuu have a great day <3

notes: hi hi ! decided to make the idol be the reader because that’s what seems to make the most sense and also i don’t do ships so :) also i’m super happy to be back, never realised how much excitement it brought me to see you guys request things. thank you for welcoming me back :>

♡ — LEE HEESEUNG

probably took place at an award show

yknow he was doing his thing, smiling, clapping, swaying along to the music and what not

then your group comes on to collect their reward and the rest of enha have never seen his face drop in surprise so badly.

like his eyes instantly fell onto your figure and hearts EXPLODED from his eyes

he could not take his eyes off of you for a single moment

dear lord - when you started speaking to thank everyone for their help he thought he was gonna pass away 💀✋

mans has never heard such an angelic voice

after that award show he went on a thorough search into your group

maybe on a thorough search on one member in particular

rest of the boys under the cut !

♡ — JAY PARK

walking to the shop

walked inside the shop

walked to the vegetable section

grabbed some stuff he needed

walks over to the bread isle aND OH MY LORD IS THAT THE Y/N ?-!;82&482&:&18

thank god he had a mask to cover his GAPING MOUTH !!!! because if he didn’t i’m sure you would’ve been like “why is there some dude going 😧😧😧😧 at me”

literally flushes the brightest shade of red imaginable

oh my god he has to walk past you too ??? good lord save him ✋

literally doesn’t know what to do with himself when your shoulder brushes past his arm

ended up somehow saying hi ?? idk probably you grabbed the same bread or smth and he’s like furiously apologising or handing it to you

and you’re like “no it’s yours 😡😡 i’m y/n btw !”

and he’s like “wtf no u grabbed it first,,,, jay :>”

and that kids is how ur mom and dad met.

♡ — JAKE SIM

he went to an arcade just to chill for one of his free days

thought it’d be a smart way to relax and maintain habving fun

ohhhhh did he have fun

mans went ham on the claw machine 😌

did he win anything? no

did he have fun? ohhhhh yeah. 

and thats what counts

as he was about to leave for some food, yknow some good old food court tteokkbokki, that’s when he saw you…

mans thought his day couldn’t get better and suddenly you appear in front of him with the rest of your group and a bunch of cameramen around you

he figured it was something similar to en-o’clock or smth so he just longingly stared without even being able to give you a small wave 😔

you did catch his eye though, you looked over at the perfect time and gave him a small smile, which he, very shockingly, returned

you guys ended up talking after that day on insta or twt how cute

♡ — PARK SUNGHOON 

pretty boy never believed in stuff like love at first sight 

so believe me it was a shock when you appeared 💀✋

he went to the ice rink pretty regularly, mainly when enha had some free time for themselves in between all the filming and promotions

he didn’t do it too often, but when he did he stayed for hours

it was nice to reminiscent on some things 

anyways

one day, he walks in, greets the owners like usual and gets ready to go on the ice

he usually goes there during work hours so not many people actually are ever on the rink other than the few young teens 

but he was surprised to see you on there, someone who didnt exactly fit the child to young teen age criteria

his heart stopped

froze if you will

he was in a w e at how simply but beautifully you skated

no tricks or anything but you were so graceful

he’s kinda shy so he didn’t do anything abt you 😔

thats until you accidentally bumped into him and almost knocked yourself over if it wasn’t for him catching you in the last second

after he regained a few brain cells, he finally said,

“i dont exactly recommend falling on ice, hope you’re ok.”

♡ — KIM SUNOO

ok boring idea but we all know how much this boy loves his skincare sooooo

he went to buy some skincare. 

dont you dare judge me im running out of ideas.

anyways

you saw him standing at this one isle for a good 15 mins with two different products in both of his hands and constantly switching his eyes between the two

you waited patiently. 

you wanted to see how this oh so very tense and suspensive moment was going to end

he was still standing there 5 mins later.

so you decided to take matters into your own hands 😎

“yknow, i think the green one is better for pores and the pink to keep moisture locked in… your skin seems to looks perfect though, so i’d say go for the pink one!”

mans nearly dropped both the bottles out of fear 💀

you scared him shitless LMAOOO

he turned to look your way to give a kind reply and instead almost dropped the bottles again but this time for a different reason.

HELLO????? THE BEAUTY ??????

you kinda stood there awkwardly smiling bc u still haven’t gotten a reply and hes just there like 😧

thanks you and speed walks away with bright red cheeks :>

♡ — YANG JUNGWON

he went to a park.

to enjoy the nature and whatever people do in parks idk i dont leave my house much

sat on a bench with his headphones in for a few mins before deciding to swing gently on the swings

his plans got cancelled bC UNFORTUNATELY SOMEONE WAS ALREADY SAT ON THE SWING AND IT WOULD BE SO AWKWARD IF HE SAT NEXT TO THEM ON THE FREE ONE BC HE DOESNT KNOW THEM!@!$E!K£$!@

so instead he migrates to some other thing idk

keeps a close eye on the swing…. kinda glaring but he doesnt mean it in a bad way i swear.

what he doesnt realise is the fact that the person on the swing is you. yes, thats right. you.

you also have your headphones in, with enhypens fever playing while youre very lightly practising the choreo

its not very obvious but jungwon notices the slight shuffle of ur feet and certain hand movements

and hes like ??? bc he recognises those moves from somewhere…

“oh my god thats my song”

this dumbass manages to say this so loudly you can hear it through the music…. the embarrassment seeping through you is unreal

ends up red faced and stuttering, apologising for the abrupt interruption

you tell him that youre practicing for a cover youre doing with a group and he agrees to help you out

yes, while very blushy.

♡ — NISHIMURA RIKI

this mf decided for his free day, he’ll go to a theme park 

yeah idk hes a bit coo coo in the head.

so hes just queueing in all the lines yknow having the time of his life going on as many dangerous rides as possible without practically an ounce of fear

fr built different 🗿

anyway, hes just in one of the queues for some of the chiller rides, not not scary but definitely not heart attack inducing

a few people ahead of him, stands you

youre practically shitting bricks, hands sweating and shaking

in short, youre terrified.

HOWEVER !

you lost a bet LMAOOO F

so now you gotta go on some dumbass ride 😒

you are not enjoying this to say the least you literally feel like throwing up

so youre like wasting as much time as possible and letting others before you so you can try and weasel out of the ride by waiting till the park was closed which was in like 10 mins

riki saw you and chuckled at what you were doing while simultaneously feeling very sorry for you

oh but we cant forget his erratically beating heart and not due to the ride, nah

bc of you ;))))

so he moves up the queue and yadayadayada

youre about to let him pass you but before you even get the chance to say “hey go in front of me idm” this bitch grabs your wrist and pulls you along with him

“itll be fine, i promise :)”

for some reasonn you believed him idk BUT you didnt die and you did what you had to do while also getting some cute boys number

so yes you did shit yourself but it was worth it

[roscgcld]

HEADCANON + VARIOUS || s/o turning into a child

request:  Hi hi! How’s it goin? Just saw requests were open and wondering if we could get more of where s/o turns in to a child and is scared of her partner but later when they turn back normal the partner is all clingy. With Satouru, megumi and nanami?

note: first off, hello love! i’m doing well even with these circumstances, and i hope you’re doing well too! and secondly, i would not mind doing more of hcs for this prompt! it was really cute and fluffy, and i had a lot of fun with it honestly!

anime: jujutsu kaisen

characters: gojo satoru, fushiguro megumi, nanami kento

pronouns: them/they

GOJO SATORU

gojo did not think that the first thing he’d see when he wakes up the next morning is a child you curled up against his side, sleeping peacefully without a care in the world

at first he’s going to be so confused, since he was sure you two have no kids, one, and two, he was sure you two fell asleep together

whilst he’s trying to figure out what’s happening, you’d wake up and he’d watch you without making a comment; because his Six Eyes never lie. It’s you, but what looks to be in child form

“Uh…good morning?”

when you see a super tall man with weird eyes next to you, you’d definitely clam up and look like you were on the verge of crying since you have no idea who this weird man is

no doubt he’d be unsure of how to deal with you, because let’s be honest here - you’re usually the parent in the relationship and he’d be the child between the both of you

so he’d try to coax you to talk to him, but you refused to even get out of the comforts of the bed; curling the duvet around you to hide away from the scary man

he will find you so cute, but would call Ieiri to see if she can drop by to check on you since ‘my girlfriend became a toddler over night and apparently hates me’

“wouldn’t be the first woman to feel like that, Satoru.” Ieiri would sigh through the phone as she walked out of her office towards your shared room with Gojo.

“how mean!”

when Ieiri checks up on you, she kept making faces at you that made you giggle and smile the entire time, and that offended Gojo since you seem to enjoy her company over his

Ieiri would just pick you up after explaining to Gojo that you probably got hit by a Cursed Technique, and that it will naturally wear off over the day - for now, she just wanted to show you off to the rest of the faculty members

principal yaga might just adore you, since you were his favourite student before - even letting you cuddle up to one of his Cursed Dolls that he didn’t activate

gojo lowkey judging you when you’d huge it against your chest with a giggle because who on earth find those dolls cute?

even nanami got you to smile and giggle, letting you sit in his lap with your tiny hands messing with his printed tie whilst he read a book quietly

every time gojo tries though? you’d squirm away or hide into the nearest adult’s legs, clinging onto them whilst you tried to stop your tears

nanami had decided to bring you to visit the students, who all fell in love with you and entertained you for the entire day

especially yuji - he’s got the energy of the child, so you two definitely had fun. fushiguro let his devine dog out to let you pet it, whilst nobara definitely decorated you in a lot of cute hair accessories

maki would find you quite adorable, since you started to follow her about, you cuddling up into toge’s arms and playing with the zipper of his uniform, and even riding on panda’s shoulders

gojo would probably the most poutiest person the entire day, and would make his displeasure known to everyone - and i mean everyone, who passes by him

lowkey though think he isn’t that sad since he still gets to record a lot of blackmail, and that he knows that you’d probably return back to normal - even if you’re scared shitless of him right now

when you return the next day, I bet he’s going to cling onto your hip, whining about how you refused to give him any attention because you were scared at him

“baby~ you were scared of me! and refused to even look at me! do you know how sad I was?!”

you’d just give him an indulgent smile and gently run your fingers through his fluffy hair, chuckling when he would purr lightly and lean into his touch, knowing that he was looking up at you through his blindfold.

“you and i both know you definitely had a lot of fun recording all those videos.”

“…yeah, wanna see?” he’d give you a smirk before he pulled his phone out, pulling you into his lap so you two can watch the many videos he recorded

he’d take his opportunity to cuddle up into you, where you’d give him soft kisses and cuddle him close in your arms; because he’d never openly tell you just how worried he was about what happened yesterday

but you didn’t need words - you just know he needs some affection and cuddles to help reassure him that you’re fine, and that you still love him; even if he was a little offended that you found him ‘big and scary’

FUSHIGURO MEGUMI

poor boy definitely got the shock of his life - you were sitting on his bed playing with his devine dog when he entered the bathroom, but when he came out, a child you was seated there giggling and tugging at the soft fur of his devine dog

he’d just stand there with the most confused look on his face, entirely frozen since he wasn’t sure what’s going on and how to go about this situation

you’d look over and see him standing there with a deadpan expression - and let’s be honest, fushiguro’s deadpan expression is probably really scary

you’d probably freeze up and your bottom lip start to wobble as you hide your face into his devine dog’s fur to try and hide away from him; the dog unsure to go to his owner or stay with you, who he was taught to take care of as well

fushiguro might just walk out and leave you without a word, which made you blink in confusion at how weird the man was; only to return with a confused yuji who had been dragged out from his room wordlessly

“oh my god - it’s a mini Y/N!” Yuji would say with a laugh before he walks towards you, squatting down beside the bed with a smile whilst you looked over at him with teary eyes. “hello there, my name is Yuji.”

to be honest, who will not be drawn to the sunshine that is Yuji? So you quickly warm up to him and even let him take your hand in his before he led you out the room so he can show you about

he would be so offended - why do you find him scary, but you’d so readily follow Yuji, who you just met as well?

but he wouldn’t show it on his face, since he’s good with hiding his emotions; lowkey really hurt though

“gojo-sensei! come look at Y/N-san!” Yuji would call out to their teacher, who might be walking past the dorms at that moment; the tall shaman laughing when he saw a mini you staring up at him in awe.

“oh my god - it’s a tiny Y/N!” he’d say with a laugh before he squatted down and grinned over at you, to which you tilted your head curiously at him. “hello there, student of mine - my name is gojo-sensei.”

the three of you are going to cause absolute mayhem for the rest of the day - to the point where fushiguro might feel a tiny ounce of regret for going to yuji for help

when nobara was introduced to you, she couldn’t stop pinching your cheeks, cooing at how you’d smile up at her even as she was gently pinching your cheeks between her fingers. “you are such a cute baby, it’s not fair!”

she would definitely dress you up, wanting to take his opportunity to take a bunch of cute pictures of you wearing things like different accessories; might even ask if she can put some makeup on you so you’d look like a little doll

whenever fushiguro tries to talk to you, you’d get scared because he isn’t one to be super soft like nobara can be, or super friendly and warm like gojo or yuji - so that in itself didn’t help

you’d probably try and hide in yuji’s jacket or refuse to let gojo set you down on the ground when you see megumi close, which irritates the poor teen even more

yuji might try to help him talk to you by giving him some advice on how to handle kids, but you’d still be hesitant around him since he is just too awkward to know exactly on how to approach you

now he was definitely certain he is not interested in having kids anymore

eventually though he might just give up and let you be, hoping that he’d get his lover back soon so he doesn’t have to deal with this entire situation

when you came back the next day, super confused to why yuji is asking you if you felt okay because you felt fine?

until he explains the situation, and the first thing you did is went to fushiguro’s room and quietly entered his room to see what he’s up to

“thank god.” was the first thing you heard before you felt a pair of heavy arms wrapped around you protectively and a warm face buried into your neck; fushiguro’s hair tickling your cheek. “i am never going to take you for granted again.”

“i think you’re being a bit overdramatic.” you said with a light chuckle as you wrapped your arms around him as well, letting him recharge after yesterday’s events and the from the lack of affection he got from you. “yuji told me you’re terrible with kids.”

at first he will not say anything, but he did let out a soft grunt as he nuzzles closer, his warm hands reaching under your shirt to splay them over the small of your back. “by the way, if we ever get married, we are never going to have kids.”

you’d just roll your eyes at his words, shaking your head softly before you reach up to start playing with his hair between your fingers. “whatever you say, gumi.”

NANAMI KENTO

to be honest, nanami might be the only one who knows what to do with you. i feel like under that entire business man image he shows, he’s lowkey really good with kids

so when he walked into your shared room in the morning after making breakfast for the both of you and sees a child that looks like you blinking back at him, he’d just sigh tiredly and rub the bridge of his nose

“i do not get paid enough to handle half of this.”

you might feel super intimidated by him; but i feel like nanami might still be able to talk to you; or make compromises for you so that you’d at least feel a little more accepting of him

“now Y/N, don’t pout.” nanami would say with a tired sigh as he bent down on the side of your shared bed, giving you a soft smile even if you were unsure of him still. “if you do, who is going to eat the chocolate chipped pancakes I made?”

yes, you make nanami make you chocolate chip pancakes from time to time, and luckily the night before you told him of your craving for them - so what kind of boyfriend would he be if he didn’t make that dream happen for you?

he’d let you go and explore the house after breakfast whilst he gets ready, standing nearby to keep an eye on you but not stepping in when he sees you struggling - not because he wants to tease you, it’s more so he wants you to come up to him to ask for help yourself instead of forcing himself on you; which you did, with much reluctance

since he needs to go to the college today, he decided to bring you along, knowing that deep down that it was going to be the most hectic day he’s ever experienced

first person to see you was probably gojo, who might burst out laughing at the sight of you clinging onto the side of his pants after he made his way to work, bending down so he was your height. “oh my god, Y/N, you are so cute!”

“please do not scare them.” nanami would say with a tired sigh, watching you as you carefully walked out from behind nanami to give the white haired sorcerer a curious once over. “you are already a big enough of a pain as it is.”

much to his dismay though, you seem to warm up to gojo really well; even letting him pick you up and run about the campus to show you off to the rest of the staff and student body - confirming nanami’s belief that today was going to be a very long day

the students will love you - you are known as quite the formidable sorcerer who can take down special grade curses with ease; but right now you were curled up around fushiguro’s devine dog, playing with its fluffy tail in delight

you were dragged about to meet the second years as well, who were all so infatuated by their sometimes part time teacher being shrunk down into a child

nanami might go to ieiri for advice, and when he was told that it’d wear off naturally, he was more reassured, since this isn’t a permanent change

because you have other options to be with others, you did tend to avoid nanami in favour of more nicer people; and unfortunately to nanami, this fact did not go unnoticed by gojo

“is it just me, or is Y/N avoiding you more and more, kento-kun?”

“shut up, gojo.”

feel like he’d just leave you alone for the most part whilst he goes about his day, trying to return to his day as usual

but he does do things like make sure you’re not wandering about causing trouble for others, making sure you’re eating something healthy and not just get fed sweets by gojo, and making sure that you’re not getting into mischief

by the end of the day, nanami would be dead tired - since he had to deal with you whilst doing his normal thing at the college. so when his shift ended, he was more than willing to bring you home and hope for the best

when he woke up the next day, having slept on the couch so that you can have the bed, he sleepily went to go and check on you; taking a deep breath to prepare himself if you were still a child

much to his relief, you were back to normal; now curled up on his side of the bed. so he’d wordlessly just get under the covers and pull you into his chest, causing you to stir sleepily. “kento..?”

“go back to sleep, darling.” he’d mumble softly into your shoulder as he nuzzles close, causing you to blink back at him in confusion at how affectionate he was being this morning.

eventually though you found out from all the videos gojo took of you whilst you were a child, causing you to laugh as you wrapped your arms around your unamused boyfriend. “at least you know you’re going to be a good father.”

“i think that can wait for a little later, darling.”

© roscgcld — all rights reserved to me, rose, the author and creator of these works. do not repost/translate/claim my work as yours on any platform