#there are people on THIS fucking site who can style match better than what they did for raph and 13 :

[munsons-melody]

flinch

summary: you flinch during a fight with eddie

pairing: eddie x female!reader

cw: angst w a fluffy ending, thoughts of abuse

word count: 1.5k words

a/n: wrote this v quickly so it’s not really proofread or anything. i could’ve done it better but i’ve been soo busy :/ might rewrite later

masterlist

i do not consent to having any of my works republished, translated, or posted to any other site except here. if you see my works anywhere but tumblr, it has been republished without my knowledge, consent, or permission.

—

you were in eddie's trailer, wayne had just left for work 10 minutes ago, and already you were in some silly little fight with eddie which you didn't expect to escalate how it did

"it's just sometimes guitar players think they're better than everyone else" you stated and eddie rolled his eyes, taking it as a personal jab to his skills

"okay but they almost make the band" he responded from the kitchen, hearing the clank of dishes as the water ran from the faucet

"okay but most of the time they are just assholes who just care about the sex, drugs, and rock n roll life style" you shrugged

"so you think i'm an asshole?" he responded back with a sharp tone and you shook your head

"no i'm talking about the people like mick mars who are so doped up and sleep with hundreds of women and just act like a douchebag" you said with a matter of fact tone

"well it kinda sounds like you're implying that i'm going to turn out like them" he snapped, turning off the water and drying his hands

"no! god no, i'm not saying that! i'm saying once in the spotlight, most people turn into assholes like that" you said, trying your best to stay calm

"so once my band makes it big, you're what- just gonna leave since you think it'll happen to me?" he questioned, turning the corner to meet you in the living room

"of course not! why would you say something like that?" you asked with a louder tone

"well it sounds like that's what you're expecting!" he said, starting to shout

"im not expecting it to happen!" you said, your voice growing to match his

"yeah well i'm pretty sure those 'friends' of yours think it will, they already think i'm in a satanic cult about to sacrifice you" he told you with a sarcastic growl, grabbing some extra dishes he found on the small table to put in the sink

"what the fuck is that about" you asked confused, remembering the party in which you two had met up with a couple of your girl friends but failed to recall them talking about that certain subject

"yeah you didn't hear what they said? we were at that party at steve's house the other night, and they started talking about how i'm some trailer trash wannabe rockstar" he angrily said, flipping on the water to keep working on the leftover dishes from the previous night

"okay first off, i never heard them say anything like that! second, why were you even hanging out with my friends if i wasn't there?" you rebutted, questioning him

"because i was trying to be a caring boyfriend and find you since robin said you looked a little too drunk and i didn't want you to hurt yourself" he snapped back

the volume of the argument kept escalating, which brought knots to your stomach. you hadn't really had fights with eddie and now that you're in one, you badly wanted to go back to how it was

"well i'm sorry i was trying to enjoy myself at the party but also i have never heard them say anything like that before in my life" you told him, starting to pace around, not knowing what else to do

"oh great and now you're defending them, what- do you agree with them?" he asked as you started to pick up empty cans and put them in the bin

"i do not agree with anything they said! but i've known those girls for a good few years now and i know they wouldn't say that about anyone" you tried and he laughed, putting his head down

"you are unbelievable!" he screamed and that's when you didn't care if you started yelling, the anger bubbling up inside you

"oh really so you want to talk about what friends have said about us? okay, well remember that time we were at the hideout and your friend hank said that he liked your other girlfriend before me better and was annoyed that you're whipped for some girl who was less pretty than she was!" you screamed, tears pricking in your eyes

you remembered that moment all too well when hank mentioned how much prettier eddie's ex girlfriend was, and your heart sank but you laughed it off, coming up with some smart comeback to brush off the pieces of your shattered confidence

"that was a joke! you even laughed!" eddie rebutted, slamming a cabinet door shut. you flinched at the loudness of it but he didn't see with his back turned to you

"i only laughed because i was uncomfortable! i didn't know what else to do!" you said, wiping away a tear that fell down your cheek

eddie angrily stomped out of the kitchen to his room and you followed, blinking away tears

"and i also don't exactly remember you defending me and telling him off!" you screamed and he turned to look at you

"because i didn't know you were uncomfortable!" he screamed back, looking around his desk for something

"well you should know from common sense that anyone hearing that would not find it amusing!" your anger was consuming you as you watched eddie throw a shirt from his desk to his bed

"well i guess i'm just not a very good boyfriend then!" he said throwing his arms up in the air

you stepped back, bringing your arms up in a defensive stance as your head turned, somehow expecting there to be an impact from his hand

eddie realized what happened as he stared at you with wide eyed and you slowly moved your head to look at him with your arms still up

you moved your arms down as eddie just stood there in shock, and you moved to wipe a couple more tears of frustration from your face

"y/n... did you think i was going to hit you?" he asked softly, a huge change in tone from what you previously were hearing, his stance deflating

you gulped put a small "no" not wanting him to think that you'd think he'd do such a thing. you knew he would never, but it was a natural reaction that you instantly regretted

"baby i..." he trailed off, taking a small step forward towards you. you didn't move back which he took as a good sign

"you know i would never ever do that to you, right?" he asked, taking another small step forward and putting a hand on your arm which was intertwined with your other arm, folded across your chest

"i know..." you muttered out, moving your head to look away from him, keeping your arms crossed

"can i please hold you?" he asked gently and you nodded, slowly moving your body into his open arms as he wrapped them around you, engulfing you into a giant bear hug

a few more tears fell down as he held you close to his body, and you leaned your head into his chest

"i'm so so sorry for yelling and getting mad, and i'm sorry i didn't defend you when hank said that bullshit, i love you so so so much" he spoke softly, his hand coming up and gently placing it on the back of your head

“and i want you to know that i promise you i would never hit you or do anything of the sort, i’m so sorry you thought that” he said with a shaky voice

"i'm sorry too," you started to apologize, feeling guilt run through your veins from not defending him earlier, and for reacting the way you did

"i didn't realize they said those things, and i know for a fact you aren't going to end up like mick mars or nikki sixx or any of those drug abusing rockstars, well maybe only with the level of rock n roll fame part, not the drugs" you joked with a sniffle

"and what about the sex?" he said with a chuckle, and you moved your body to face him, wrapping his arms around his waist and you moved your eyebrows up in a surprising way, pushing your head back in slight confusion

"you know, sex, drugs, rock n roll- they're a package deal... and obviously there's gonna be no drugs- well okay maybe weed, then a huge amount of rock n roll fame... what about the sex?" he joked making you smile with a small giggle

"well maybe, only if you'll still love and want me when you're big and famous" you told him with a small laugh, a smile growing on his face

"oh baby i will always love you and want you for the rest of my days" he said sweetly before leaning in and giving you a small kiss

when he pulled away he looked into your eyes, a hand moving to the back of your neck

"then show me how much you mean it," you said with a small smirk as he pulled you in for another kiss

he leaned in, kissing you passionately, his tongue fighting with yours as you moved you hands to slightly scratch down his back

"i- love- you" he said between breaths as he continued to kiss you, and you knew he really meant it

fin.

[bookwyrminspiration]

Debate the pros and cons of the two ships Gigolas (Alternatively Gimleaf, Gimli x Legolas) and Aragolas (Alternatively Leragorn, Aragorn x Legolas). Compare and contrast the two ships. You have half an hour (From the moment you start writing this ask, leave it in your inbox for as long as you wish). Go.

OKAY! Warning I know very little and there is probably a lot wrong or missing here! So right of the bat I'm seeing we've got different species and power dynamics at play

Gimli and Legolas are dwarf4elf, so that may be worth mentioning. If I'm remembering right, Gimli is also the "and my axe!" fucker, and I know Legolas is the shooty mcshootinson bitch, so right away we've got the shared love of weaponry and fighting, though they very likely have incredibly different styles for more reasons than one. Dwarven and elven values and attitudes towards death and violence are likely different, but this is Tolkien so it's probably existence and I'm on limited time here.

Hang on. These are the "never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an elf" people. Okay so here we've got a clear display of their growth (since Gimli was originally distrustful of Legolas' intentions) and how the two characters developed emotionally to put aside their difference and unite, both in battle and emotionally. It's not unreasonable to say that they can take that another route and into relationship territory (not that one is better than the other, just another path to take). Despite their differences, they are, in canon, capable of the necessary growth to make a healthy relationship.

Okay I'm also seeing that they became friends when walking through the woods, and elves are very woodlands creatures, so perhaps we can find a bit of similarity between their interests there. How do the dwarves view nature? Scrap that question I just read in the wiki that he went into the Undying Lands and Tolkien said it was strange that any dwarf would be willing to leave Middle-Earth for any love. I don't have any fucking clue what that means but it feels important.

I'm a third of the way through my time let's look at Aragorn. GOD wiki please tell me what species he is this is ridiculous. Okay he's not an elf but is descended from them? So he's got an unusually long life span? Okay his character description says he's somber and grim, and that kind of outlook might mesh well with an elven one like Legolas'? I'm not actually sure. Something about the seriousness feels like it could match an elven look and help them work together.

His name is also mentioned a lot on Legolas' wiki page, multiple instances of the two of them going through things together (though Gimli is a notable third addition). Found a random site that mentions something about Aragorn's true identity and Legolas defending him to Boromir, which was either when they met or very early on in their meeting. That sets a strong foundation for future relationships and a clear feeling of protection and trust in it, which is beneficial. Listen I have no context for this scene I have no idea who knows what or how they feel about it, but potentially this hinting towards Legolas knowing his identity could've built a bond between them from the get go that forces them to be more careful with each other, and that can lead to interesting dynamics.

There's also the whole matter of similar backgrounds, or at least more similar than Legolas and Gimli. Even if Aragorn's got a whole complicated situation with his race he was raised by Elrond in Rivendell (i think?) so he's got some elven thinking. If Elrond is indeed an elf but I've got six minutes so I'm not checking. And Legolas is Legolas, raised however he was. He's pretty clearly and elf, but the one thing that trips me up here is that he was "unimpressed" when he came to Rivendell to see the council of Elrond, as it displays that perhaps these two elven backgrounds may be as different as Gimli and Legolas' differences.

My other thought is that when I was key word searching through all their profiles, more often than not all of their names were coming up together. They seem to be a trio for a lot of the story, so why try to decide between a pairing? Why not all three of them if they're bonded so and endured so much together? Legolas has two hands, after all. But then I'd also have to get into what Gimli and Aragorn's relationship is like to see if it would be a triangle sort of a pairing or if they were both dating Legolas but not each other.

I think my final conclusion is that I can understand the shipping either way, but I don't think either one is superior to the other. Gimli and Legolas seem fun for the dynamics and depth they bring, and Aragorn and Legolas sound entertaining for the subtlety and intrigue. But also this was just thirty minutes of frantic skimming articles and trying desperately to remember my limited lotr knowledge.

I would like to thank the orchestral version of all star by smash mouth for fueling this chaotic splurge of words. The years start coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop comin--

[phedgehogs]

Vintage style/living (idk what to call them) reader x hansumfella/Tyler hcs

| hansumfella/tyler | sfw & nsfw | afab!reader |

!!! sfw !!!

-finding some vintage clothing from the 1920's on facebook marketplace and Tyler refusing to let you go pick it up if he doesn't go with you

-going out together and having more people go up to you and ask for pictures because of your timeless outfit then when people recognize Tyler

-going to stream with Tyler and not matching anything in the room because you are dressed in vintage clothing

-a bunch of unmarked suspicious packages sitting on his couch that you bought from suspicious sites because its vintage clothing

-doing unboxing streams of vintage things you bought with him

-buying weird vintage shit on ebay and just putting them on his shelf to remind him of you

-everytime you enter the stream to grab squash or go say hi to Tyler, chat always asks you for a fit check and what decade/era your outfits in that day

-he would call you 'grandma' for shits and giggles

-ALWAYS complementing your outfits

-thrifting with him is so so much fun

"look at this funny shirt, babe. It says 'what happens in Grandpa's garage stays in Grandpa's garage' can we get it?"

Sighing you respond, "sure, put it in the cart"

The cart is full of either those tshirts or the good old and vintage clothes that you find

-will call you 'the housewife' especially if your wearing 50's clothing

-him learning more about history from you than he has ever had

-you look so out of place in the relationship but you guys are perfect for each other

-buying him vintage clothes !!!

-chat being so confused how Tyler, basically the embodiment of brain rot, pulled you, someone who looks and acts straight out of a black and white film turned color.

-playing dress to impress with him and low-key your fits are better because you have lots of fashion experience

-he loves helping you put on all the confusing or hard to assemble outfits

-moving into an apartment or house together and having an entire room dedicated to all of your non modern clothes

-i feel like he would constantly call you pretty, beautiful, gorgeous whether your wearing older style clothing or his clothes

!!! nsfw !!!

-you going to ride Tyler in a slip dress and him being too scared to lift it up because he thinks he'll rip the dress because it's vintage so he makes you do it instead

lifting it up and taking it off teasingly slow

"I'm sorry princess, what do you want me to do? Rip it in half and scour the internet for a new one?"

“This thing is like a thousand years old, babe. Gotta be careful.”

-he loves taking your clothes off at the end of the day and fucking you

-he would lift up your skirt and get buried in at as he eats you out

-he already loves your tits but the extra pazazz that corsets give them. He will be all over you

-he would tell you to keep the corset on but a little loser so you can breathe.... or you still couldn't breathe with it on tight or not on at all

-having sex on a grandma bed

at first hes like "wtf I'm not banging you on that old people shit, looks like my grandparents"

then after he is like "nevermind this bed makes it so much better"

-is a munch. that's it.

The amount of times i used the word 'vintage' is probably more than half my age

-Jean

[lookwhatilost]

to return to this thought and keep it relatively brief, tumblr 2011-2014 wasn't what most people outside tumblr thought it was. The popular perception outside here was that it was some sort of sjw hellhole, when in reality, it's better thought of at the time as a warzone, with no particular side really having total control of the site. i would say that until 2014, in general, the anti-sjw side was winning, and of course the "hipster side of tumblr" (read: normal people who use instagram now) was always the biggest, and the "fandom side" could go either way depending on which part of the fandom you walked into.

within the sjw side of tumblr, you had a lot of different factions, which more or less unified into one unruly chaotic blob sometime around 2017-ish. but in 2014, the anime communists were still a relatively small faction on the site, and the bigger names on the sjw side were people like medievalpoc, who was notoriously exposed as lying about their ethnicity and for getting a significant amount of the history wrong or oversimplified (the blog's theme in case you forgot, was to point out non-white people existing in european history). other things are a lot like how people might imagine – great focus placed on offensive jokes, on particular approaches to social issues, things like that. but what might surprise people who didn't use tumblr at the time, is that a lot of the people who were in that sjw side were very different to the outside perception of tumblr as being soft and sad about having ~le fee fees hurt~, but were actually extremely aggressive people, o, were just people who held a real life ideology that basically matched the people who say, comment on youtube and say that huey's ronald reagan speech in the boondocks represents them perfectly.

something changed around 2015-ish. whereas before, most people would respond to someone saying "cisheteropatriarchy sounds weird lol" or "these critical theory texts sound a little goofy" with defensive and earnest explanations of why you only think this because of a particular bias society has inspired in you, the freedom to actually be able to make fun of this stuff developed. I remember distinctly posts about bikini bottom written in the style of critical theory discourse at the time, and in fact, this is the year that gave us the actual term discourse as it's used on the internet now! it comes from here, of this era! it was a term that was used by tumblr leftists to make fun of what tumblr leftism was like, primarily arguments after argument after argument over the most inane shit (yes, even to us) with no resolution in sight, but also over things you were convinced had to be important, melded together with the inane shit in a way where nobody could cleanly separate the two. hence, why it just got reduced to the discourse chef meme image, to sort of sum up a general frustration with what existed at the time.

this transition from the earnest white feminist posting to aggressive irony leftism never actually stopped, it just kept going and going and going, until now on you can use homophobic slurs and tell people to kill themselves and it's generally socially acceptable. not to say current tumblr is good or a haven of epistemic perfection, but it's stupid in different ways than most people imagine because almost nobody has actually ever used tumblr, and so most people can't imagine what it was actually like.

it's quite bizarre that this is one of the most influential websites and subcultures of all time, but also is barely actually known and understood by nearly anyone, and almost all of this is because this website has like the worst fucking SEO ever, and whenever I want to find an old, famous post, no I can't lol, I feel very very lucky whenever I manage to locate a post from the old days that sums everything up for me (I have a particular favorite about discourse flip flopping). it's not documented well. there are popular tumblr posts out there – in fact, I can even think of ones that I wrote and are spread around in screenshots – that only make true sense in the context of what other posts were popular on different dashboards at the time, and that's knowledge that's almost completely lost to time and that you had to be there for. everything else important about tumblr is even more poorly documented. i think the internet would be a very different place if tumblr had had good SEO all along.

[rsmrymnt-tea]

yelling at these tags i got on my thirteen fan art because so true… kinda feel bad for anyone who sees her thru fan art and then get disappointed by her canon sprite

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

Sept 2021 Wk 5

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Don’t Say No Ep 9 (Line) - It’s my corny af hurt/comfort soap opera that I watch at 1.5x and skip all the sex scenes and Fiat crying, but I like it that way, so there. Yes I am one of those people who only eats the outside of the peanut M&Ms, why do you ask? Episode recaps here. 

Bite Me Ep 5 (Viu & Viki) - sometimes I feel like this show is skipping all the important bits, or having them occur off screen intentionally, like some ancient Greek play. Still, the depth of the feeling understood between the two leads is clearly transferred to us despite that. Are they dating? Sure seems that way. Without anything being actually said about it. It’s oddly magical. I talked a bit about the north/south divide and food as a love language with regards to kao soi in this post. 

7 Project Ep 5 The Breakup Zone (iQiYi & YouTube) - another het installment, so I skipped it. Nash. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Peach of Time Ep 10 fin - A Korean BL (maybe not BL tho) featuring Thai talent that really went beyond a lot of tropes into interesting territory and allegory in a way only Korea does. I hope we get more collabs like this, perhaps happier than this one next time? RECOMMENDED only if you are prepared for The Sad. Because it is quite sad.  

x Friend or Lover (YouTube) Ep 6 - still waiting on the final of this Taiwanese indie series.  

Love is Science? (BL sub plot on Viki) Ep 14 (aired ep 15) - Taiwanese drama finally got subbed yesterday, so those of us who are waiting seem to be on a week’s delay. The BL couple actually has the most interesting story arc and the most unusual character growth. I’m enjoying how unpredictable these two are. Honestly, they could have gotten their own series with this much story - and now I really want that for after the baby comes. I’m a little sad we didn’t get the coming out in the skate park sequence (LOOK I love coming out drama, especially with sporty friends, it’s a THING), but I also get why the writers are doing what they are with these boys. And the actors sure can handle it. Taiwan at it’s finest.  

Love Is the series (YouTube) Ep 5 - continues to be fine for a V-BL but not all that actually good. 

See You After Quarantine? (Viki) Ep 6, 7 - Taiwanese gameboys with Japanese talent stuck in, what more could we ask? AND THEN they gave us some *thirsty boi* action, great kisses, and charmed the pants off... well... everyone. Taiwan, we don’t deserve you. Honestly, you spoil us. Turns out Aaron Lai is the best wingman any gay Japanese man in quarantine could ask for. Everyone should be watching this. It’s utterly charming. 

The Tasty Florida (Viki) Ep 3 & 4 - this Korean BL so fucking cute. Look it’s formless and too short but simultaneously aching and kinda special-sweet. But Korea has got to settle into something a bit longer for their BL for everyone’s sake. It’s time. Light On Me proved it was possible. I’m not asking for much, just 15 min+ of fresh content with at least a 10 ep arc. 

In Case You Missed It

Someone dropped K-BL movie cut of 2015′s The Lover series onto YouTube. The series was about 4 different couples all living in the same apartment complex, one of the 4 was a BL plot about a sunshine sweetie Japanese tourist who ends up roommates with a hot shy tsundere Korean boy. It’s 1.5 hours, proving Korea and stretch its BL when it wants to. 

Read more about it here. 

GOSSIP!

Rumors of OhmFluke to star in new Thai BL Oh! My Sunshine Night. It’s from Newsinfinity Entertainment who announced the casting and showed the couple in workshops. This is this (small) production house’s first BL and they aim to “appeal to to general audiences* with a “broader view of BL that everyone will watch.” Which is code for LOW heat, light gay, soft boys. If this happens I think we can expect this to be Thailand doing Korean-style BL. 

* GENERAL AUDIENCE? Let’s be clear no piece of media will EVER appeal to everyone. Here is the USA “general audience” is code for “families with socially conservative values and children who are still minors” AKA what used to be prime time TV watchers AKA suburbia. 

 The concept is analytically old fashioned and so fractured at this juncture (socially economically spatially politically) that “general audience” is actually impossible to target and it doesn’t really exist. But try telling that to the publicity department. 

We also call this the “Disney live action demo.” (Think Pirates of the Caribbean.) I occasionally refer to them as “the Simpsons.” And they’re about as realistic. All that to say I am VERY suspicious of Oh! My Sunshine Night‘s production house. 

To My Star does seem to be getting a second season, same director, same mains. Korea is much better about executing on its promises than Thailand, but until I see proof of filming or an honest trailer, my favorite boys are staying in the gossip section. I don’t wanna get my hopes up. (Honestly now, how many of you also want an alt reality with these two as a couple but Kim Kang Min playing his long suffering cardiologist intern character from Hospital Playlist? Just me?) 

I reported on Unforgotten Night a while ago. It seems to have been fully cast now, I still think the publicity stills make it look like a joke. But with this line-up I guess it’s even more of an alt answer to KinnPorsche. 

You know that thing that happens in media when suddenly we get multiples of the same style of movie or show at once? It’s now happening with BL. Love triangles. Restaurants. And now mafia. 

Cutie Pie (our arranged marriage Thai BL staring Zee) dropped some wardrobe fitting photo ops. Also... fancy pants sexy suits that fit, so that’s exciting. 

Starting Soon

My Mate Match from Starhunter should be starting on Line TV next Saturday. Usually, Line has subs relatively quickly and is available internationally. However the fact that the trailer is not subbed and the show is not listed on Line’s site has me nervous. No idea on length of run either. 

Starhunter studio doesn’t have a great track record in general for narrative arcs and this one is not based on a y-novel so could get waffly. This is a roommates love triangle BL about a boy who is looking for one roommate and ends up with two vying for his home and his heart. Stars Jet as the uke lead which I’m pretty happy about as he’s got great comedic timing and is accustomed to BL. He’s opposite two friends/co-actors from Gen Y and other projects, so we know they’re comfortable with each other. They could do great things... if they get a decent script. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International subs accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

This week’s best moment?

[amymel86]

Hello! Do you have any bits of your awesome writing to share for WIP wednesday?😍

I just saw this anon!

And thank you for asking <3

This is a bit more of this as yet untitled 'post-apocalyptic/fertility/modern arranged relationship???' fic. The first bit I posted on tumblr is here and as before, some things are not yet decided (like town names) and things may change...

“Are you sure this is what you want to do, darling?” Her mother’s voice on the telephone was a balm to her soul.

Sansa’s finger brushed the soft vivid petals of the small potted iris she’d bought at the store today. The iris symbolises hope, wisdom and courage among other things and she prays that the pretty purple and yellow bloom will lend her some of those. “I’ve got to try something, Mum,” she says, turning her attention to the two separate bundles of paper in front of her. Two men, two candidates, two different futures. Sansa had filled out all the matching service’s extensive questionnaires and scrutinised all the information she could find on the program. It seemed simple enough – you’re rewarded for helping to repopulate. In turn, the authorities help to pair you with someone who should be a good match dependant on all the information they have about you. The aim is that this new generation of children are raised in the traditional family unit. That had appealed to Sansa. “I can’t seem to find the right guy all on my own anyway,” she said into her phone.

“How do you know it will be safe, though?”

“It says here that my situation will be monitored by my own caseworker. I can call them any time I want. They’re not just going to drop me at the guy’s house and just leave us get on with it.”

“Hmmm... tell me about them? These men that they’ve narrowed down for you.”

“One’s called Waymar, he’s a financial advisor here in the Vale,” Sasna pauses, looking at the man’s photograph on his paperwork before fishing out the other. “And the other is called Jon, he owns a farm in the Reach.”

“None in the north then?” Her mother has been itching to get her back home. “I just wish there was a way to know that either of them were good men, Sansa. That’s all I want for you.”

Sansa put the two photos together. Two possible fathers for her child.

“That’s what I want too.”

***

“Shit! Holy fucking shit!” Jon says to himself, hanging up from his phone-call. “Mance!” he yells, bursting out of his trailer to find the old man. “Mance! It worked! It fucking worked!”

He’d relented. When Mance first put it to him that he should sign up for that weird government breeding program or whatever the fuck it was, he thought the old man’s last brain-cell must’ve fried up in the sun. But if they were going to make it easier for them and it meant Mance could keep the farm (and Jon could carry on living there rent free), then it was worth a shot. So he had relented. He’d filled out what seemed to be a gazillion and one questions about himself, his politics, his views on family and finances and education and fucking... art and shit. These damned government people wanted to know everything about him down to whether he scrunched or folded his toilet paper it seemed. He’d even had to lie. He didn’t like doing it, but there was no way that a fertile was going to pick him if he didn’t. So, he fished out an old photograph – one taken before the bar brawl that lost him his sight in one eye, and he’d also lied his asscheeks off by claiming he had ownership of the farm. He knew – he knew – that these lies are just more things that were going to trip him up one of these days but with Mance urging him on, he’d signed that damn form and offered himself up for the program.

And now a fertile had chosen him.

Him.

Fuck, he might throw up.

This can go one of two ways. Either completely up Shit Creek without a paddle – with his lies and reality crashing down on top of one another, leaving them exposed... or, his fertile somehow looks past his deceits and sticks with him and they-... well, shit, he could actually become a father. No-one becomes parents these days, especially not ‘round here. Fertiles flock to the big cities, to men with bigger pockets, or they work for couples who can afford to pay them off in exchange for a kid or two.

“It worked?” Mance asks, rolling out from under an old Ford pickup that needed a new exhaust. “They sendin’ us a peach?”

Jon shook his head. “They’re not sendin’ you anyone, old man. An’ don’t call her that – they’re-“ Fuck, what did the council call them on all that paperwork? “Reproductively abled.” He’ll have to remember that if he doesn’t want to offend her.

“Well, shit,” Mance grins. “What did I tell ya? Knew your pretty face was good for somethin’!”

Jon frowns. “Ain’t so pretty no more though.” He might have to go get himself a patch to cover his milky, sightless eye. It’s fine most of the time since Mance is the only one he sees unless he’s going to drink at Hobb’s, but he certainly doesn’t want to put off his ferti- reproductively abled friend who’ll be arriving in three weeks.

“She got a name? Your new peach?” Mance asked, earning him a glare.

“Sansa. Sansa Stark.”

Mance grunts and nods. “Sounds fancy.”

Yeah... It did sound kinda fancy he supposes. Jon’s first reaction had been that it was a mighty beautiful name, but now he thinks of it...

“Shame we can’t look her up – see if she’s a beauty or not.”

Jon can’t remember a time when that was an option. He was barely 11 at the highest point of the virus’s hold. Government officials had deemed certain channels on the internet were causing more harm than good by spreading false rumours, incorrect statistics and completely counterintuitive medical advice. The whole thing was shut down, now deemed illegal, only to be reconnected again three years later apparently looking like a foreign landscape from the one before. The internet was no longer a platform to socialise, only government approved informative sites remained. Mance says it’s better this way – that all people used to do was post vain images of themselves for attention anyway.

Jon wouldn’t mind seeing a vain image of Sansa Stark right about now though.

Not that it mattered terribly. As long as they get along and she decides to stick around she could be as ugly as sin. In fact, she probably will be, won’t she? Most pretty ferti- reproductively abled women stick to the cities and its high-fliers.

It doesn’t matter, he told himself. You just gotta keep her happy here and-

“Mance?” he asks, an issue coming to mind. The man grunts in acknowledgement. “Where the fuck is she gonna sleep? She’s not gonna want to stay in my trailer.”

The man grins in response. “I’m glad you asked, boy. I’m glad you asked.”

***

Her caseworker was meant to meet her at the train station. It was quite a drive to the farm and he was meant to pick her up, make sure she’s safe and happy and introduce her to Jon.

That hasn’t happened.

“Please accept my apologies, my dear,” Mr Baelish said down the other end of the phone. “There’s been a mix up with my schedule. We can set you up for the night at a local motel or ask your match to come and get you. Which would you prefer?”

Sansa eyes the dirty looking motel across the street from the train station. Everything here at [[INSERT TOWN NAME]] seems a little on the... rundown side. Maybe the sooner she gets to the farm, the better. Plus, her tummy is all a flutter with anticipation to actually meet Jon. She’d wound up swaying towards Jon as a match due to a few reasons; 1 – he does not live in, around, or anywhere near Harry or his crazy mother. 2 – he owns a farm, and that had conjured up hazy daydreams of idyllic country life. Sansa may enjoy big nights out in the city, drinking her dirty margaritas and feeling her bones vibrate against the base beat in a nightclub, but she knows that’s not what she wants to raise a child around. A child will want to run barefoot through wheat fields and chase chickens and milk cows and –

Let’s just say Sansa has a few ideas and that they all helped to sway her away from city pleasures and towards farmhouse life. And Jon

And last, but not least, reason number 3 – Jon himself. Put side-by-side, his and Waymar’s photographs looked rather similar if truth be told, but Jon won out on something that Sansa just couldn’t describe. Looking at his photograph gave her goosepimples along her forearms because it was like he was looking right back at her. There was something in the depths of his eyes – a kindness? A wit? A strength? She’s not sure, but she couldn’t find the same qualities when she stared at Waymar’s likeness. And his answers too. His questionnaire was full of how he’d like to teach a kid how to walk and ride a bike and fix a... a tractor for heaven’s sake! And so her head was flooded once more of this idyllic life where they got up to watch the dawn stretch over the farmland and they’d grow their own vegetables and she’d bake a pie every day and it would just be perfect.

Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Sansa glances around the near abandoned train station.

This doesn’t look so perfect right now.

“Could you please arrange for Jon to come and get me, Mr Baelish?”

***

It’s been an hour and fifty-six minutes precisely since Sansa last spoke to Mr Baelish to arrange her match coming to get her. An hour and fifty-six minutes of sitting on the curb, waiting, surrounded by her three suitcases. She’d started off by sitting at the nearby bus stop, purely because it was somewhere to sit and she had a clear view of the road, but after the rude bus driver insisted that if she’s sat there, she must be wanting to hop on his bus, Sansa decided to park her butt on the dusty, sun-baked curb instead. Her legs were beginning to numb and she was starting to get a headache from the sun beaming down on her head. The curls she’d styled into her copper locks have likely lost their hold by now. What a waste. Opposite, on the other side of the street, beside the dirty little motel, there was a tiny bar that advertised the fact that it hosted exotic dancers at the weekends with a blinking neon sign. Next to it was a hunting and fishing ‘emporium’ and beside that was a vacant store with an old dirty sign that read ‘Blouses & More!’. Presumably, the ‘& more’ still wasn’t enough to keep that fine establishment in business in this funny little town. At the end of the block was ‘Tarly’s Drugstore’ and Sansa had been debating with herself whether or not she should haul her suitcases over to go buy a drink and a magazine for about the last hour and fifty-five minutes.

But she hadn’t wanted to miss Jon Snow’s arrival.

Jon Snow, who seemed to be pulling up outside Tarly’s Drugstore in a dusty Ford pickup truck right about now. Sansa stood, expecting him to come right on over considering how long she’d been waiting for him, but she found herself wondering if she’d got it all wrong when she hadn’t caught a good enough look at him before he darted straight into the store.

Sansa is done with waiting. She grabs her smallest case and places it on top of her larger one, trying her darnedest to roll all her luggage across the road in a lady-like fashion. She could feel the eyes of several passers-by on her while her stiletto heels clip across the street. In turn, her own gaze fell to Jon’s cream-coloured truck. Its front bumper looked a little rusty and wonky too. There was a big gash in the leather of the bench seating on the passenger side. On the truck bed, there were a number of items, including a rocking chair that seems to have a couple of spindles on the chair-back missing, and a new double bed mattress wrapped in clear plastic. Sansa was almost done frowning at the state of the vehicle when the over-door bell of the drugstore tinkles.

“Holy shit,” he curses. And yes, it definitely was Jon standing right in front of her. Only... well... his hair was tied into a knot at the back of his head and.... and... he was wearing a black eye patch? “Uh,” he stood there, arms laden with bottles from the store as the gaze from his one good eye quickly darted down her frame and back up again. “You’re her, right? You’re Sansa Stark?”

Sansa found she could only nod, looking him up and down, like he was with her. He was in jeans with oil smears, some tough, heavy looking boots, a somehow pristine white vest and flannel shirt with the arms ripped off.

Speaking of arms...

Gods-damn! Sansa’s focus was momentarily derailed...

“Sorry, I-“ Jon starts before his grey eye drops to the floor and then returns to her, looking a little bashful. “I didn’t expect you to be so pretty.”

Oh boy. He may be wearing an eye patch right now but this man could win over a thousand girls with that smile, Sansa’s sure of it. She resists the urge to giggle like a schoolgirl. She’s here to find out if they’re well suited enough to start a family together – she needs to keep her head and think rationally, not allow herself to be swayed by his rugged country boy charm. It was Harry’s looks that enticed her in the first place – and look how well that turned out for her?

“Thank you,” Sansa says, blinking back at him before his words truly hit home. “Didn’t they give you my photograph?”

Jon shook his head. “No, ma’am.”

Huh.

“Did they show you mine?”

Sansa bites her lip and gives a nod.

Jon grimaces. “So I guess you weren’t expecting this?” He points to his patch.

Sansa shakes her head. “No... did you... did you do something to injure it?”

Jerking his head, Jon begins rubbing at the back of his neck with his free hand. “It’s a long story... but... it ain’t gonna get any better, if that’s what you’re askin’.”

“Oh.”

They stood, staring at one another for a heartbeat or five before Jon sucks in a breath over his teeth and glances down to the bottles he clutched to his chest with one arm. “I tried to get you some things to help you feel at home,” he says, “these are the nicest smellin’ soaps ‘n’ stuff from Tarly’s.”

“Thank you,” Sansa replies, knowing full well that she brought her Highgarden Floral Scents bathroom range with her.

Jon chews on his lip as he eyes her suitcases. “Lemme get those for you,” he offers before dumping the bottles in his arms into the truck bed and reaching for her luggage. Sansa’s heeled shoes seem welded to the spot. Jon notices. Scrubbing both hands down his face in resignation, he takes a step closer to her and Sansa realises for the first time, that he had dirt beneath his fingernails. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. “It was a shitty thing for me to do,” he offers, his words low and husky. Sansa feels the timbre of his voice set off a trickle of gooseflesh down her spine. “I’m sorry.”

She blinks at him, momentarily confused.

“About this,” he explains, brows high on his head as he points to his patch. “I shouldn’t have sent that old photo of before this happened, but – fuck – even my ex-girl won’t acknowledge I exist anymore with this and I knew I shoulda been honest about it but-“

“This ex-girl...” Sansa suddenly found herself left with a sour taste in her mouth. “... does she still mean something to you?”

Jon licks at his lips, his eye falling briefly to her own. “No, ma’am,” he shakes his head.

[blookmallow]

rating spirit halloween’s new animatronics for 2021

or at least what’s showing as New Arrivals on the site for me. looks like we got 15 new arrivals listed here and im HYPE about them so here we go

the caretaker

pretty standard reaper character with a Gravedigger theme to it. hes... fine? nothing about this particularly stands out to me, but i dont dislike it at all. i like his gravestone. would be good for a graveyard set. i guess ill give him... 6.5/10

mr. dark

at first glance he also just looks like a standard reaper character (or voldemort. he definitely looks like voldemort now that i think about it) but it turns out he SPRINGS UP RIDICULOUSLY TALL LIKE A CURSED WACKY INFLATABLE TUBE MAN and the spring motion in the video is actually really fucking fast so, while this isn’t a lot different from other jumpscare animatronics, i gotta give him credit bc i guarantee this would have scared the fuck outta me in person. according to the site he’s almost 9 feet tall at his full height 

i expected him to jump out and scream but i did not expect. That. i feel like if you put him up on a stage or something to make him loom over people even more he’d be very menacing indeed. would also be really good if you put him behind something so you don’t see him until he's suddenly There

i like him, 8/10 springy spook man 

click for more 

grave grabber

pretty much just a zombie but he’s cute i like him. i like the green eyes. i dont know what it is about him in motion but the video makes him kind of endearing to me for some reason and i dont know why. 6/10

ophelia

at first for some reason i thought the monster’s name was ophelia but i think that’s supposed to be the name of the victim? i think the idea here is “girl haunted by a Nightmare” but the fact that the monster itself is so small and doesn’t actually have a body for the most part makes this unintentionally hilarious to me 

like. it. it’s so small. it’s just a little shoulder demon. it’s so cute 

psst. hey do we have any more cheetos

anyway i like how the girl’s eyes move back and forth but the sounds she makes are uncomfortable and she just looks so. stiff and solid and there doesn’t seem to be any movement at all other than her eyes and the monster peeking out so it’s just kind of weird to look at. it’s an interesting concept but the execution is just strange and unintentionally hilarious. 7/10 bc i still think its really funny 

someone should buy this and mod it into chrona and ragnarok 

harriet hustle

WE DID IT KIDS WE FINALLY GOT A FEMALE CLOWN ANIMATRONIC im so happy i could cry i wish my store had her set up i want to meet her  

i love how they have her hanging upside down like this, it makes it so much more visually interesting than the figures that just kinda stand there looking spooky, even though she doesn’t really Do much (she just swings and her head moves around a little, just laughs, doesn’t have spoken lines) 

i love her outfit i love her hair shes SO cute i love this little murder gremlin i love her i love her 

im still waiting on spirit to give us a female clown figure that isn’t “creepy little girl” (ive commented before on how their only female figures tend to be either the Old Hag or the Creepy Little Girl and not a lot else) but i absolutely love this all the same 20/10

this one is fun too because we also have: 

henry hustle

according to the description he’s actually harriet’s dad!! we have an evil clown father and daughter duo here and im LIVING for it

i dont think ive ever seen spirit do characters that are related to each other like this that’s so cute,

apparently his wife/harriet’s mother left them and ran off with the ringmaster. he’s a single father clown trying to raise his evil daughter clown and i support him wholeheartedly

there doesn’t seem to be any more animatronics on this storyline, we don’t have the mother here and the only ringmaster animatronic they have is the rotten ringmaster who was released previously, but i doubt he’s the homewrecker ringmaster in question. he Could Be. imagine if your wife left you for That. we dont even know if henry’s wife was also a clown or not. spirit halloween clown lore going on here

anyway i absolutely LOVE this clown, he does something INCREDIBLY STARTLING AND UNEXPECTED which i dont want to spoil for you. go watch his video and see what he does its great 

my absolute favorite type of halloween animatronic is the “does something completely unexpected” category and this one is ALSO a clown and a GOOD clown at that

and he’s got this great vintage clown style i really like, i love scary clowns like this that actually look like they could believably be a real guy and not just some kind of mutant Clown Monster 

and hes got cards!! card suit motif!!! i love it i love him this is a great clown 20/10 for him too

w. raith 

we have this one at my local store and listen to me. im completely obsessed with this ghost

it’s pretty much just a ghost but it’s SUCH A GOOD ghost. especially in this photo here with proper spooky lighting and everything. i would absolutely LOVE to see this in a haunt attraction, it looks SO good even in bright store lighting. i feel like this under the right lights and in the right environment could look SO fuckign cool  

the shredded rag look!!! the ethereal glow!! the weird jellyfishy movement!!! the classic wooOoO oO o o ooo noises!! this may perhaps be the ideal ghost. it is without flaw. a perfect specimen. i fuckign LOVE this ghost i want it so badly but i do not have the space or the money for this thing 15/10 w. raith my beloved. my true love. maybe one day 

buzzsaw

at first i was slightly disappointed to see that this guy didn’t have an actual name, but then in the description apparently his name is Bill “Buzzsaw” Jackson and his backstory is he tried to be a wrestler but it didnt go very well so he grafted weapons in place of his hands. i guess. you know, to be better at wrestling. i dont really understand it and i definitely would not have gone with “disgraced former wrestler” as the concept for this guy  

but anyway we have mr jackson at my store right now, he’s Big, i like him. he doesn’t really move very fast and doesn’t jump at you, he just kinda swings his saw around. for some reason he just seems friendly to me and i dont know why. makes me think of like an uncle dressed up for halloween rather than an actual murderer guy. i dont know i cant explain it but i like him hes my friend 8/10

wacky mole

this guy’s also at my store this year, i didn’t know his name was wacky mole fsdgjsdg

he’s listed as a new arrival, but i thought i remembered seeing him before, and the description says he’s a returning fan favorite, so. i guess this is a re-release 

anyway pretty standard Scary Monster Clown. his teeth look like candy corn. i like it but i think they should just Be candy corn. i like his colorscheme and his silly giant buttons. light up eyes are always a nice touch. he doesnt really stand out but hes overall a pretty good clown. 7/10

grim

good ol’ classic skeleton. he’s pretty nicely modeled though and i highly recommend watching the video for this guy because he moves REALLY well for a spirit animatronic, he’s got a way wider range of movement than most of them do and his head moves really nicely. one of the benefits of a skeleton animatronic is you don’t have to deal with lip movement, so his jaw movements match with his lines a lot more realistically. i like the animated glowing eyes too, it really gives him a lot of personality. he’s really interesting to watch. like, it’s just a skeleton, but it’s a really really good skeleton, so, 8/10 

BEETLEJUICE!!

i love love love franchise character animatronics and spirit has so much great beetlejuice stuff this seems well suited to them but looking at it............. hm. hm

he just looks so. stiff and his face comes across like, deer caught in the headlights to me. it Does Not look very natural but it looks slightly better in motion (he just swivels from side to side and says a few phrases but it somehow looks less. shellshocked when he’s moving) 

maybe not the greatest execution but maybe he looks better in person and im still hype to see him so 8/10 regardless 

night stalker

we have this guy at my store too, im still not really sure what’s going on with his arms (did he just rip loose from them and leave them behind? did someone do this to him? i dont know) but i love a good spooky scarecrow. love his Wiggles. hes a pretty good boy. 6.5/10

here we have another pennywise, it pretty much just pops out at you, but it’s still pretty good. i like the full size one they had before better, but this one’s slightly cheaper and would be easier to integrate into a haunted house attraction since he comes with a built in set piece. it looks good but doesn’t do much. 7.5/10 i guess 

GHOSTFACE!!!!

FUCK YES I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

please. please spirit halloween set him up in my store so i can see him

anyway hes got kind of the same issue beetlejuice has where the figure just. looks kind of stiff, and he looks more like a spooky ghost decoration than like, A Person. he doesnt seem to have any lines or anything either, he just kinda pops out. but then again i guess whenever we see ghostface in person in the movies he doesn’t usually talk anyway. i dont really know how id make this better but it seems a little underwhelming somehow. still hype to see it though. 7/10 i guess 

now if we could just get a jack torrance and a bela lugosi dracula id be content 

i would LOVE to see Red from Us but i doubt they’d do one. my other horror beloved is norman bates but i know if they made one of him it’d just be him in a dress waving a knife around (not that i wouldn’t still be hype to see him, but, y’know) (anyway. tangent. moving on) 

mr. howle 

it’s. a werewolf. he howls. that’s....... about it 

it’s a very nice looking werewolf, it’s a well designed figure and definitely looks very imposing, but it’s... just a werewolf. there’s not really anything particularly interesting or creative here. its a perfectly good werewolf. i dont have anything to say about this. 6.5/10 

i also just am not a werewolf person so maybe someone out there who has a greater appreciation for werewolves might like him more 

[my-sherlock221b]

Supernatural Rewatch Ramblings: Wendigo

Wendigo

The long line of the MoTW series in Supernatural starts off with the Woman in White which is fairly well- known legend/ myth in most countries.  Then we get this one next which claims origin from the Native American mythology.

Here is a review of the Wendigo episode with thoughts from me and @soulmates-for-real​

I have always wondered why they were not so inclusive or better at being inclusive as a show. Yes, they did have many women and people of colour in important and strong roles, both positive and negative (though they could have done so much better!). But they steered clear from some of the huge mythology lores like that from Native Americans, Hindu, Latin American cultures. This may have been a wise political strategy to avoid conflict and so they stuck to the Judeo- Christian core but still managed a rather radical take on it!

Spoiler alert:

*God was the final villain?! Who would have guessed? And that the angels were dicks, relentlessly, and demons were in fact ex-humans.*

So back to Wendigo.

What a monster the Wendigo is!! In later seasons when we got only angels and demons and some vampires etc the other monsters were monsters in and of themselves. Like they were born that way—needing to eat human pituitary glands or whatever.

But Woman in White and Wendigo, and even Dead in the Water, or the Shapeshifter --the monster was created by circumstances. Betrayal and infidelity leading to murder suicides, extreme starvation leading to cannibalism and eternal hunger.

Far more terrifying than someone who is born a ghoul perhaps.

So here we are in Wendigo, at the forest/camp site with these fake, charming, rather useless camp rangers who carry M&Ms (nice touch and throwback to E.T. !), don’t wear shorts ( which anyway seems like a weird thing to wear when there is grass and stuff—why would you want to expose your legs?!), can’t see bear traps ( Seriously Dean?! ).

Sam is still restless and bristling at Jess’s death, as well as angry at Dad. All those years of separation do not seem to have given him any peace in his relationship with his father. Now to add massive insult to his already injured sense of self—he has lost his girlfriend in exactly the same way as his father lost his wife—making them even more identical.

So he is cranky and unwilling to give in to any of Dean’s suggestions. He denies his own nightmares, refuses good advice and food and is generally misanthropic. While Dean on the other hand seems to be enjoying this like a happy jolly road trip. The monster is almost like a secondary priority now.

What is most important, (and this becomes even more obvious in a re-watch post finale)—what is THE most important thing is that Sammy is riding shotgun, is in front of his eyes and safe.

Miserable and bitchy but safe.

That allows Dean to dial back a bit and bring into focus what has always been, for him, the really important part of their lives—saving people. This is always more important to him that hunting things. So, when he finds out about someone’s brother being lost and the coordinates match what his dad has left, well there is no choice really.

They have to find a way to save him.

If they find Dad there, well, good, but that is suddenly not a priority for him at all. He turned up at Sam’s doorstep, and as we know from the finale, waited there for HOURS since he was unsure of his welcome, then broke in at 3 am or something like an idiot….but anyway…..all that was because Dad had been away on a hunting trip and hadn’t been home in a few days…blah blah blah.

The first contact Dean makes with Sam who left home to go to college is to recruit him to help find Dad—the same guy who told Sam that if he went away to stay away.

And then suddenly now that Sam is with him, finding Dad is like meh. If we find him somewhere by the wayside while you and I hunt monsters Sammy, then yeah sure, great.

If not…well….we have stuff to do you and I…saving people, hunting things. The family business. 

And John Winchester….well, what can I possibly say about him without taking up pages in ranting?! Why did he ditch the first monster? Why was he in SUCH a hurry to leave that he left his journal behind??

My theory of course is that he had to run away from the Woman in White since he had been unfaithful to Mary ( yes yes I know it had been YEARS at that point, but hello, this man made his life a crusade for revenge and sacrificed his kids’ lives also to that darkness, so…yes, being with Adam’s mother was an infidelity and you can’t change my mind on that !).

So naturally John was afraid he would be killed.

But still….he left coordinates for the next hunt in the journal and just ran off?!

The other question is what the hell is happening in motels across USA? Guys like these can just check- in on fake credit cards, leave a room full of satanic and serial killer-y documents, sometimes dead bodies, lots of salt at the door and windows, and just disappear without checking out….

Though the police do seem quite alert and swift in action in the Pilot compared to some of the laidback and clueless ones we see later.

What is most interesting is to see the character of season 1 Dean emerge.

He sass, he boss, he flirt, he lie, he charm, he fight, he save.

In fact, the very first time I saw Supernatural, it seemed that Dean occupied so much of the narrative space that I barely noticed Sam except as a foil to and a brother to Dean.

Now in the re-watch what is fascinating in retrospect is to watch Sam slide into ‘the life’ without a hiccup. He reads the journal, he figures out it’s a wendigo, he gets the civilians to cooperate, he also fights and saves.

And that look he gives Dean in the car?

Well, those who missed the signs in Pilot and didn’t ship Wincest from day one, surely started doing it then!

https://www.geekgirlauthority.com/supernatural-rewatch-s01e02-wendigo/

This is also the first episode that gives a clear parallel to the Sam and Dean relationship through the B plot. When Haley says she MUST go to find her brother –Dean nods in instant understanding while Sam is pissed off at having to ‘babysit.’

We see this in many more episodes in the future, and what is fascinating is to see Sam gain insights into his brother with every such parallel. To recognize what being the big brother has meant to Dean and how much he has done and given and even suffered for that. We will discuss this in more detail in the next episode review! ( Dead in the Water)

The chemistry and ease, almost a fluid sense of flow between the two actors is unmistakable in this episode. Even as Sam is really being a bitch and Dean is being a jerk, there is a definite undercurrent of something holding them together. It may be all about revenge for Jess’s death and finding Dad for Sam, but he will still stick with Dean and want to protect him as fiercely as Dean wants to protect Sam.

.

Sheila O’Malley has given a detailed explanation for the acting styles of Jared and Jensen and what she said about Jared is spot on and brilliant. He does what she calls active listening.

It is amazing how once you realize that you notice it all the time.

The reason why Dean can manage such perfect comedic timing or non- verbal communication is because Sam is always ALWAYS tuned into him. Listening, watching, reacting, observing.

Once again, for those of you interested in the meta and more erudite and informed reviews that this one 😊 do read what Sheila O’Malley has written.

Here are some excerpts which will entice you!

“David Nutter, who directed the pilot, also directed episode 2, and there’s a new DP here, the phenomenally talented Serge Ladouceur, who is still shooting the show. If the DP for the pilot, Aaron Schneider, helped establish the dark mood and horror-movie feel of the series, then Ladouceur just helped deepen and strengthen that continuum. The look of the show has changed, by Season 9. I would say that it has a more glamorous look now, more colorful, while certainly still very dramatic (even melodramatic). Supernatural is (and has been) one of the best looking shows on television.”

“The ranger comes in to talk to them, and they pose as environmental studies majors at the university in Boulder. Sam says they are “working on a paper”, clearly improvising, and you can watch the glorious schtick of Jensen Ackles as he adjusts to the new information of who he is supposed to be pretending to be. God is in the details, people, and it’s the detailed scene work of both Ackles and Padalecki that keeps this show going. David Nutter referred to Jensen Ackles once as a “meticulous actor” in terms of his preparation for every scene, no matter how small, and it pays off. He knows what the fuck he is doing. So does Padalecki. I couldn’t give two shits about the demons. It’s that DYNAMIC that is so entertaining and watch-able.”

 .

And here are some thoughts on the episode from @soulmates-for-real, my partner in crime for the rewatch 😊

Except the fact that Sam is quite secretive about his nightmares but his body language is quite open and his expressions easy to read. On the contrary, I saw Dean posturing a lot with other people, pouting, flirting, making eyes...trying to be all nonchalant. But when it comes to Sam we see a different Dean - the more antsy and angsty Sam gets, the more intensely Dean reacts to him and you can see Dean's concern shining through. Leading to Sam coming to some kind of resolution and giving Dean 'that look' at the end! 

[thattimdrakeguy]

I think the “I’ll kill you panel!” is from the time YJ was being mentally tortured on Apokolips (?) by Granny Goodness (?). And Tim sees his teammates get killed one by one, begging him to save them (98 YJ was pretty dark at times). So I just thought it was natural for him to say that. Like he did lose his patience, mostly with Kon and Bart, but I do find that people exaggerate his responses a bit. More often than not, he’s the one who looks for less violent ways of resolving things. 1/

Like he doesn’t rise to the challenge when someone mocks him/almost attacks him (ex the football players, Slobo). He’s a teenager, in charge of other teenagers, and responsible for their safety. I think the writers never explored that potential enough, because there are moments where they make it seem (probs for the DramaTM) like he’s the law-adhering one (pre Robin Tim literally broke into Dick’s apartment lol) or that he’d rather put the mission before his teammates. 2/

YJ has a lot of Looney Tunes style humor, so the others would also be rough with each other. There’s a panel where Cissie gets mad and strangles Bart. (Also I felt Bart was the brunt of the joke more often than not) At some points in the series, each character had understandable tempers/fits or lashed out when the circumstances were tough, unfair or traumatic (read: puberty + being a superhero is tiring and traumatizing => emotions running high). 3/3

Definitely, like that’s the actual case of what it is. I think Tim said “I’LL KILL YOU. I’LL KILL YOU” directly to Conner, but context to that was, Tim is a fourteen to fifteen year old boy trying to sneak into a government lab (?) and Conner’s clone Match (who was the impersonating Conner and they had no idea) comes barging in ruining the whole thing purely because he has it out for Tim.

Like in context it’s clearly just a kid saying hyperbolic stuff cause he’s a kid--Ya know like how kids do.

Ever seen a kid super stressed? They say all sorts of things. I think most people do nowadays. I’ve told my friends I’ll kill them a lot during video games, but it’s not like it’s actual intent. I’m just super mad at them.

Anyone that thinks that was Tim showing a murderous side to his personality is just stretching stuff really bad, cause they really don’t like Tim or they’re super defensive over their own fav, which happens pretty freaking often on stuff like Twitter. Cause modern Twitter really is just classic Tumblr and it’s got so much second hand embarrassment going on. There is no peace in fandom lol. Exaggeration only. Not like Tumblr is flawless, I’m just here cause I prefer the format of the site. Fandoms are nightmaric when you struggle to read people and have social anxiety.

It’s a somewhat common occurrence to see someone purposely trying to make Tim come off as different from who he is by just taking random panels to make him seem like a really sour prick. And it’s nearly always just because their fav has had antagonistic moments against Tim, and they hate when ever someone talks about the less pleasant moments their fav has done even if it’s not in nearly of harsh of a context as they think it is.

Like they’ll excuse Damian trying to murder Tim cause he was raised by a cult, but treat Tim like he’s the biggest prick in the family because Tim doesn’t trust Damian or like him because the longest Tim has ever hanged out with Damian gave him a near-death experience that would traumatize anyone.

Is this to say Damian deserves to be treated like trash for following the protocol of a cult he was raised in? No, cause he obviously got better.

But people acting like Tim is the true villain because he has a natural reaction to an easily traumatizing event just feels ridiculous and forced. And I get lots of villains have tried to kill Tim, but Tim actually nearly did die by bleeding out. Which would obviously cause a particularly strong reaction.

They’re both in a spot where personally, I can’t really blame either of them, cause it’s both really understandable. Ignoring one whole side to it, is not the best way of looking at it. I don’t care which side you’re on. Seeing pissy fights over simple things are stupid no matter what.

Whenever I see someone talk about the moment in the first arc where Tim doesn’t show up to his date with Ariana they typically ignore the fact he was trying to stop a really important crime and later got cemented underground in a bank truck. They instead focus on how he kissed Steph so it sounds bad. Even then when you read it you can tell the context to why he kissed Steph is totally different than what they act like.

Or if he genuinely does do something shitty, they act like he’s just an evil prick--instead of just immature like how it’s supposed to be taken--cause he’s a kid. They just either take stuff out of context or exaggerate it so much that they come off as weirdly irrational over a piece of fiction.

A lot of shallow, obnoxious stan stuff that’s pretty typical nowadays no matter how much it bugs anyone, even those that aren’t heavy in fandoms.

Although, some of it probably came with the progressively more fucked way they wrote Tim in fairness. People trying to read original Tim through the lens of modern Tim always seem to have a hell of a time cause they’re trying to apply something to what isn’t there.

What can you really do?

They think Tim broke into Bruce’s house and blackmailed him while he was grieving to be Robin. It doesn’t get any more obvious they’re just really salty than that.

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 13

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, angst, slight smut

; Word Count: 4.6k

; Warnings: Anxiety, low self-esteem, discussions of sex, mention of (f) oral sex, sexual anxiety

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: I hope you all enjoy this! As usual, if you do...please reblog and leave me a comment! Or send me an ask letting me know your thoughts, I’m glad you’re all loving Flower!Hobi!

; Flower Masterpost

-

Staring at your computer screen, a deep sigh leaves you as yet another email notification pops up in the corner. Clicking on it with as much enthusiasm as you’d give towards picking up a slug, you watch as it directs you back to Outlook and brings up the email. It was from your boss, who was literally sat across the small room from you, asking you to call a client and check whether they were still available for a meeting tomorrow.

Pursing your lips, you bring up her previous email that includes the client’s contact details and input their number into your work phone. Holding the phone between your cheek and shoulder, you tap your pen against your mouse as the dial tone fills your ear.

You really hated your job. 26-years-old, with a degree and you were just stuck doing the work people better paid than you didn’t want to do. Chewing on your lip, you contemplated looking at the list of job sites you’d begun to frequent lately, wondering whether or not you should apply for a new job.

The prospect of a job you actually loved and enjoyed was so foreign to you that it felt almost like a mythical unicorn right now, but you knew they existed. Hoseok loved his job, despite how everyone berated IT departments in every company. So you knew that there was something out there for you. 

But what was it? And how could you get it when you had no relevant experience in...well anything except for the modern day equivalent of pen pushing? Some days you were rushed off your feet doing everything for your boss, acting like a secretary, personal assistant and administrative assistant all at once.

Getting tea and coffee for work meetings, sitting in and taking notes, writing up meeting notes and distributing them, arranging meetings and visits and so much more. It was all boring and dull. The very idea of doing this for the rest of your life was simply unimaginable but you just...couldn’t get the courage to put yourself out there and apply for something better.

You were afraid of rejection and you were even more afraid of getting accepted for a job and then finding out you couldn’t do it. 

Almost without even thinking, you talk through with the client and make sure that they’re still okay for the meeting that was prepared for tomorrow. As soon as the phone clicks back into the cradle, you’re opening a response to your boss and sending her a quick email to let her know that it’s still on and that you’ve checked the room is still booked for them.

And then you just sit there a moment, staring at the screen and wondering what to do next. You had some menial tasks that needed to be done; photocopying documents for their meeting, forwarding invoices and so forth. But you just didn’t want to do any of it. 

That was nothing new though, you never wanted to do anything at work.

A sudden flash of colour out of the corner of your eye catches your attention and look over to where your phone lay on the desk, just above your keyboard. One of the only good things about this place was that no one complained about phones being used as long as you were doing your work too.

And the green that lights up the screen can only mean that someone has sent you a message on WhatsApp. Licking your lips, you glance up at your boss before unlocking your phone quickly and clicking onto the app. 

Upon seeing Hoseok’s name your grin turns even broader, feeling a little better already. He didn’t often text during the work day, often being far too busy to waste time on texting. Unlike you, he was permanently busy.

Hoseok [13:38pm]: Guess who got promoted?

Hoseok [13:38pm]: It’s me! I got promoted :D

Smiling even wider, you quickly texted back as pride fills your chest. Amazing how you’ve only been dating for four months yet you feel so happy and proud of him already. You’d known that he had a meeting today with his managers and he’d been a little worried, unsure whether or not they were going to be laying people off or not.

Y/N [13:39pm]: Yaaaaaaaaay. Can you boss people around now?

Hoseok [13:40pm]: I already boss people around

Hoseok [13:40pm]: Now I just have another department to boss...and more money :D

Y/N [13:41pm]: I is jealouz

Y/N [13:41pm]: (;﹏;)

Hoseok [13:42pm]: I still can’t get over how you text sometimes, honestly

Hoseok [13:42pm]: ANYWAY, it’s more money to spend on youuu :D and Kasumi

Y/N [13:43pm]: Hush, more money for you to spend on gigs

Hoseok [13:43pm]: :O don’t tell me how to spend my money >:[

And then you get a photo sent. Your phone’s setting means that you need to accept it before it downloads, image pixelated at first before becoming high quality. Clicking on it again, you frown momentarily before your eyes widen and your throat goes strangely dry suddenly.

He’s in an all black suit; black jacket, a silk black shirt and a skinny black tie to compliment it all off. It makes the hint of tattoos you can see pop vividly with their colours over the top of his shirt collar and the bit of wrist you can see on the hand that’s pointing at the camera. And it all complements his dark hair wonderfully, today actually styled properly and pushed up elegantly to reveal his forehead and let the astonishing beauty of his face be seen properly.

His face though, isn’t the pure sex his body is emanating. Instead, he’s got a comical expression in which his face is scrunched together, lips pursed in faux anger to go with his last text. But you don’t care, you can’t care.

Hoseok in a suit is...oh god. It’s everything, and you feel things for him suddenly that you’ve never really felt for anyone before from just seeing a picture. You...want to do things to him, right now. 

The strength of your reaction actually makes you pause, looking up from your phone as you assess yourself to try and comprehend what you feel. And what you wanted was for Hoseok to send you a serious photo of him looking like that.

Y/N [13:49pm]: You’re in a suit?

Hoseok [13:50pm]: Yeah, manager meeting

Y/N [13:55pm]: Can you...send a serious picture?

Hoseok [13:56pm]: ...you want another selfie of me?

Y/N [14:00pm]: I mean...you don’t have to

And then you get another photo sent through, causing you to swallow thickly as you download it. You end up biting your lip harshly as you try to stop yourself from making any kind of noise out loud. No one had noticed that you hadn’t done a lot of work in the last fifteen minutes, but they would notice if you made the kind of noise that wanted to erupt from your throat.

Hoseok had evidently known where your thoughts had gone from your awkward text back to him, and he’d pulled out all the stops for you. Part of you wondered where on Earth he was that he could take pictures like this without getting strange looks from his colleagues but an overriding part of you didn’t care.

Because holy shit, your boyfriend was ridiculously fucking attractive and how in the hell had you pulled him?

This photo has him in almost the same angle, only two of his fingers frame the pink tongue that pokes out of his mouth, white teeth pressing against the back of his tongue ring while his eyes are dark with intent. There’s no playfulness in this picture, at least nothing that could be done in public. 

No indeed and you squirm slightly in your seat, contemplating the wild fact that you were horny at work. This has never happened before and you didn’t really know that to do! But how could you not be? The way Hoseok was looking at the camera was the exact way he’d looked at you all three times he’d gone down on you so far.

And he knew it, given his suggestive pose with his tongue. In fact, you’re suddenly sent back to last week when he’d gone down on you in bed. You still weren’t even remotely comfortable asking him to do anything like that yet, but apparently he’d been wanting to so you’d shyly agreed once more.

Not that you were opposed to it or anything.

But those eyes he was giving the camera are the exact same he gave you from between your legs. And that just was not fair, because what were you supposed to do about this in the middle of work? You had just under three hours left to work before you left and he wouldn’t even finish till six.

Y/N [14:07pm]: Handsome

Y/N [14:08pm]: Are you still staying over?

Hoseok [14:10pm]: That’s all you gotta say to that, you wound me. And yes, be around 7

Y/N [14:11pm]: <33

Putting your phone down, you stare at your computer screen that has gotten three new email notifications since you got distracted. You don’t click on them though...instead you just chew on your lip, tapping your fingertips against the desk slowly as you think.

Maybe tonight...maybe…

-

The quick rapping on the door lets you know that Hoseok is finally here, half an hour late. Opening the door to him, you don't even get a chance to say anything as he brushes past you, kicking his shoes off and apologising profusely.

"I'm sorry, they kept me an extra half an hour 'cos some idiot basically broke his laptop and then there was traffic so I haven't been able to go back and change." He's taking his coat off, hanging it up on the little rack on the wall before looking at you and letting out a deep sigh.

"Oh I'm so glad to be home. Today has been so fucking stressful, maybe I should have turned down that promotion and it’s not even been a full day." You don't even get time to consider the fact that he just called your place home because he's suddenly leaning forward, giving you a quick kiss before moving into the kitchen.

Watching after him, you simply stare in bewilderment. You're not entirely sure that you could speak right now, hit by the double whammy of his slip of the tongue and his clothes.

It was true that Hoseok had pretty much spent the last month near enough living at your place, only going home a day or two a week but you hadn't realised he'd felt that comfortable here. You felt a shy warm happiness bubble in your chest at the thought though, looking down at your hands as you bite your lip to stop smiling like a little girl.

But what really turns you into an excitable mess is his outfit. He's still wearing the suit from earlier, his hair tousled from where he'd obviously been running his hands through it in the stress of his work.

And if he'd looked hot in his photos, he looked damn near sinful in person.

Which is why you simply watch him with wide eyes, moving into the kitchen slowly and resting a hip against one of the counters as he peers into the slow cooker that you'd set up this morning before going to work. It was just a simple beef stew with a hint of red wine, the scent delicious but you found that wasn't what was making your mouth water.

Not tonight.

"So...I didn't...know you had a suit like that." The words are incredibly stilted, sounding unbelievably awkward in your mouth and you inwardly cringe. Particularly when you see Hoseok stiffen, ever so slightly beneath the delightful black fabric that outlines his lithe body beautifully.

You knew that Hoseok had been incredibly patient with you. Probably more patient than most men would have been, not even slightly pushing you and making sure that you are completely comfortable with every moment. He didn't ask for much and you often felt bad that he seemed to give up so much in exchange for the eternal patience he gave to you. 

But he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he seemed to thrive on what little advancement in your relationship he could get. You still got shy when he gave you oral obviously, but you were far more eager to say yes compared to the beginning.

And tonight...tonight you wanted to finally let him get the pleasure he’d willingly denied himself to keep you comfortable. Especially when he looked like that.

It wasn't just a 'giving him a good time' too because you like him, a lot, but also because quite simply...for the first time ever...you wanted to have sex with someone. You desperately wanted to find out what he felt like inside you. Feel him thrusting within you and in turn explore him to find out what made him jerk, made him twitch and made him moan.

Oh god yes, you wanted to hear him moan. The very idea of him making those kinds of noises because of you was intoxicating and you squeeze your thighs together, fully in the knowledge that you were probably wet already. 

You have no doubt that Hoseok can tell there’s something different, an unusual kind of tension in the air as he turns around slowly, brow raised. Glancing away, you find yourself playing with the label of a Coke bottle on the side, fingers picking until it came away.

Part of you wanted to be brash and forward, boldly tell him what you wanted but as soon as you consider doing it, it felt like an iron band wrapped around your lungs. Breathing was made a lot of harder suddenly and you couldn’t get any words out, your limbs feeling cold and tingly with nerves and anxiety.

Oh how you wished desperately that you could be a bolder person because you just knew that you weren’t at that level of confidence yet with him. Even if you felt no expectations from him. You just weren’t there, and that’s why you were hoping he’d understand and take the lead once more. 

And Jung Hoseok, your wonderful boyfriend who you still believe is far too good for you, does so. You have no idea how he knows that you want to do more than cuddle or talk, no idea how he can tell that you’re struggling to get across your desires but he does.

He smiles slowly, the corners of his lips turning up in a smirk at first before turning into that beautiful smile that makes your heart flutter. Moving slowly, he walked over to you and you press yourself into the counter, eyes widening as you took in the long and loping stride.

Without so much as a word, he stands firmly in front of you, leaning forward just enough to place his arms on the counter, trapping you between them. You can feel the heat of him, the way his leg’s brush against yours with how close he is and the way his jacket slides along your stomach slightly. Combined with the fresh scent that was so unique to Hoseok and the dark look in his eyes, you felt completely overwhelmed by him.

Overwhelmed, in the best way possible.

Leaning down, Hoseok moves close enough until you feel the tip of his nose brushing against yours, the movement deceptively soft given the sexual tension that’s so thick between you both. Biting your lip, you force yourself to remain quiet to see what he does.

“I have more suits than you might realise baby. Why? Do you like it?” His voice is annoyingly light, innocence laced into every syllable that matches his perfect, angelic face too well. Smiling, his eyes widen ever so slightly as he waits for an answer but before you can even say anything, his arms move a little and you feel them pressing against your waist.

“Y-yeah, it...it looks good.” You stutter out, body heating rapidly as you lick at your lips, mouth absurdly dry. And before even realising...you’re pressing your face against his black shirt, feeling the soft silky material rub at your cheek while all you can think of is what the firm chest beneath it looks like.

Hoseok seems to pause for a moment before his hands move to rest on your hips, hesitantly stroking along them. Almost instantly you cringe forward, the feel of his hands so foreign and a subtle panic rushes through you as your mind screams at where he’s touching. The place you dislike on yourself, the place society has taught you isn’t beautiful.

But he touches you with so much care, light and gentle. He doesn’t push further with you, simply let the moment hold despite how tense you both are. You know what he’s doing, instinctively understand because he’s done this your whole relationship so far. He’s letting you get used to him, decide whether or not you feel comfortable with what he’s doing...what he’s offering.

Pressing your ear to his chest, you close your eyes and inhale deeply, shakily as you fight the demons of insecurity over yourself and your previous sexual experiences. Originally, you’d considered perhaps returning the favour to him and giving him oral sex. But now, hearing the strong beat of his heart and the warmth that has comforted you for many nights now...now you want more.

So you let him know, in that quiet and shy method that he must have become so used to. Your own hands tremble slightly as you move your head back just enough before you press them to his chest, hesitantly just letting yourself feel him like this for the first time. And then your fingers move to his collar, the top two buttons already undone.

Finally, finally you glance up at him, feeling unbelievably frightened that he might push you away, decided he didn’t want it. Didn’t want you. 

It had been years since you’d done anything...you knew this and he knew this by now. But you knew that he was far more experienced, so experienced in fact that it scares you a little. You felt like you’d be judged against others and found wanting, even if you knew that Hoseok wouldn’t do that.

“Hoseok,” You start, words meek and quiet. “I...erm, I want...I mean...I don’t…” 

And Hoseok moves his hands to cup your cheeks, smiling at you sweetly, so sweetly. It’s so reminiscent of when he’d gone down on you the first time and you get the urge to suddenly cry at how caring he is. How lucky you are.

“It’s okay. I know...you’re not hugely experienced and you’re not confident. That’s fine, I don’t expect anything from you. We don’t need to do anything, I was just teasing. If you want, I can just go do-”

“No. No, not today. I don’t...I don’t want that. I want...I want you.” This time, the words are a tiny bit more confident but rushed out. “I just...sex...I’ve never really...understood why people like it. You know? It just...felt okay. Maybe it was me but like...yeah, I mean...you know. It was…rushed and you’ve done so much more than me and-” Now it’s Hoseok’s turn to interrupt you, thumbs stroking your cheeks as he lets out a shushing noise.

Suddenly, surprising you entirely, he backs away and gently takes your hand to lead you back to the couch. Without a word he gets you to sit down before doing so himself, taking both your hands between his own with a quiet sigh.

“Okay, I just...want us to talk for a moment, so that neither of us get confused or offended or anything. So...yes, I’ve had a lot of sex, I won’t deny that. It doesn’t mean I’m gonna judge you though. You’re my girlfriend, the vast majority of everyone else was not. I’m incredibly turned on by you and I wanna beat my chest like a neanderthal knowing you want me too. I know you’re shy and you’re not confident of yourself, which is just plain wrong by the way because you are unbelievably beautiful. I just...I don’t want to move too fast for you and have you regret it. So...talk to me. Please.” You’re sure this man really isn’t real, because surely no one really existed like him in real life. 

“Why are you so patient?” You blurt out, brow furrowed in confusion and he looks just as confused for a moment before smiling.

“Because being pushy doesn’t get me anything? Except upsetting you and making you close up. And then if you do anything for me, then it’s because I’ve pushed and pushed until you feel forced to do it. So I’m patient. I don’t really mind, I like your company and it’s strangely rewarding seeing you slowly open up to me. I’m not doing anything for an ulterior motive.” He’s so earnest that you can tell he’s being honest but it still confuses you. 

Not that you’re going to look a gift horse in the mouth or anything. 

So inhaling deeply, you squeeze his hands and gave him a tight smile before talking. Something about Hoseok has always been comforting and reassuring, like he won’t judge you and you know he’ll be the same this time.

“I haven’t...slept with anyone in years. You’ve probably realised or...maybe I told you. But...well. I mean,” Your hands feel so clammy in his. “It wasn’t really good? I never...you know, with anyone. It just...felt fine. Good enough that I’d do it again but not so good I actively wanted it. Thought something was wrong with me because of that. I’ve accepted there isn’t...maybe even wondered if I was asexual for a while or something. Maybe I still am? I don’t really know. I just...I like you...a lot...and I like doing...things with you. I’ve never...you know…”

“Orgasmed?”

It’s a simple word and he says it so casually but you find yourself squirming at it, feeling warm and embarrassed about it. Not only talking about orgasms but also admitting that you’d never had one during sex before. So you simply nod, unable to get the words out and frowning in frustration at yourself.

“Hey...hey look at me,” Hoseok says gently, squeezing your hands till you do as he says. “Don’t feel embarrassed about it. It’s not something to feel bad about. This probably isn’t what I should be saying right now...but I’ve had a lot of sex, with...a sizeable amount of women. Do you know how many times they orgasmed during sex?”

Frowning, you wonder momentarily whether you’re meant to feel better with the knowledge that he’d been with a lot of women. Or that some of them had even orgasmed with him. But you sensed he was trying to make a point, and Hoseok had never been cruel.

Slowly, you shake your head.

“Not that many of them to be honest. I wish I could boost my ego and say I have a 100% strike rate but...I don’t. Sometimes girl’s would cum, most of the time they didn’t. I had to go down on them or something. And I’ve never had a single woman orgasm from penetration alone, they all needed some help. What I’m trying to get across here to you, and very badly because there’s nothing less sexy than hearing about your partner’s...escapades but...please don’t think that you’re always meant to orgasm during sex. Sometimes you might, sometimes you might not. I know that for some women, they just enjoy the feeling because they can’t get there. Sometimes, I don’t even orgasm. I’m not in the mood or something or I get bored...or I’m too drunk.”

That makes your eyes widen in shock and surprise. You hadn’t even though guys could just...not orgasm during sex. It made you realise how little you really knew, and suddenly you felt a little embarrassed about your lack of knowledge about sex. But he wasn’t being condescending or demeaning, so you decided to take the plunge and ask him.

“R-really? You...I didn’t know guys...I thought you just always did.” Hoseok laughs at that, looking so attractive that you can’t help but bite your lip. Even though you’re having a serious conversation with him, you still can’t mask the desire you have for him. Damn him for looking so good in a suit.

“The vast majority of the time? Yeah, it’s no problem. But sometimes like...I’m too tired to bother anymore and I just don’t want to carry on. Sometimes I’m a bit stressed and can’t get there which then leads to anxiety that I’m not. I try not to take it to heart but...you don’t need to be embarrassed. If you wanna orgasm then we can definitely try, if you don’t feel like it, then we don’t need to. It’s entirely up to you, I swear.” 

Silence falls between you both and you stare at your hands, swallowing thickly. He’s offering you so much, and part of you feels bad. But at the same time...you want to just enjoy him without the stress or anxiety of not performing like you thought you were supposed to.

Clenching your jaw, you make the decision and nod your head to yourself. Yes, you were doing this.

So without a word, you grab onto this small flame of confidence he’s lit within you and let go of his hands, instead using them to grip the lapels of his jacket and pulling him forward. His eyes widen for a second and he lets out an ‘oomph’ before you’re kissing him.

It’s not pretty at first, almost painful from the force and you both take a few seconds to reacquaint yourselves with each other before it finally starts moving smoothly like usual. Only this time, the kiss is far more intense than anything you’d had before with him, almost as if you were trying to devour each other with the force and intensity.

Pulling away momentarily, you look at him and groan softly at the desire in his eyes. You’ve seen him in moments of pure lust before, but he’s bordering on unrestrained here. And you want that, so you pull him back in, moulding your lips to his own and feeling the tingle of excitement that runs through you.

“Not here, not here. Please, I really wanna fuck you on your bed.” Hoseok gasps out as he pulls away once more, trying to avoid your grasping hands with a breathy laugh. 

You don’t even question it, getting up quickly and practically tugging him into your bedroom in your eagerness. The sheer laugh of delight he gives you as you do so invigorates you, bolstering the confidence that’s spurring you on and you hope it lasts.

Wrapping your arms around his neck and tugging him into a kiss once you’re in the safe haven of your bedroom, you prepare to trust him with your insecurities once more.

[notafrogblog]

Who wants to read an entire fucking essay I’ve been writing over the last few months it’s about viddy games wooooooo

Video Games's Popularity

16% of entertainment hours in 2018 were spent playing video games, according to a study by The NPD Group, an American market research company (Stych). Video games have become more and more popular as they have become easier and easier to access through consoles, computers, tablets, and phones. Video games and gaming have become some of the most popular topics to watch on youtube, twitch, and other platforms, which is shown by the fact that youtube has a trending section just for video game content. I myself watch video game content whenever I get the chance. Merriam Webster defines video games as "an electronic game in which players control images on a video screen." If you use that definition for video games, it means gaming is a lot more widespread and prevalent than you'd first think. It would be a struggle to find anyone below the age of twenty who's never played a video game in some form. There are thousands of people in online communities who discuss video games and the people who play them, on sites like Reddit, Twitch, YouTube, Tumblr, Instagram, and more. Video game music, posters, clothing, and general merchandise is popular and lucrative for the companies that make and sell the products. People continue to invest their time, money, and energy into playing and enjoying video games. Video games are such a big part of the online community and my life that I decided to take this opportunity to learn more about them.

While researching this paper, I found different types of sources than I was expecting. Many articles on video games are outdated, poorly written, or simply didn't contain much information. Most possible sources were game reviews, tabloid-esque gossip, or talked about events occurring recently in the gaming community. These weren't very helpful for the type of topics I wanted to discuss. When I set out to write this, I expected to find more analyses of video games or game genres as a whole, or perhaps more in-depth writing. Although I did find articles that were in-depth, they were often very niche, scholarly, or outdated. Video games as a culture moves indescribably quickly, with new games always being released. The vast amount of content and places to share said content on the internet makes video games so widespread, it's near impossible to categorize and talk about video games a whole, rather than individual games or franchises. I suppose that's why there are so many game reviews. People are always looking for new games to play, new content to view. I did my best to find articles and sources I could use to talk about video games a whole, as a culture, and as a complex and nuanced form of entertainment. Part of my own interest in video games is due to the large variety of games and game content available. I would consider myself fairly knowledgeable about video games, especially after researching this essay. But I don't know much about games as a whole, or why people play them. As much as I love to talk about and watch video games, I don't play them often myself. I wanted to know what made other people love playing video games so much. Both my brothers are very engrossed in their respective games and consoles, and I found myself wondering what compels them to put their time and energy into something that doesn't give me that same satisfaction. Which begs the question, why do people play video games? What keeps them coming back? What makes video games so enjoyable?

I started by looking in the school databases, and on credible sites like the Washington Post and the New York Times. Video games is such a broad topic, but many articles focused on specific games or events. While I researched, I wondered what is so compelling about video games. I had some hypotheses. Video games often have a plot, a list of tasks to complete, or some sort of storyline. I found an article about the stories and plotlines of first-person shooter games, one of the most popular genres of games. In the article, David M. Leeson explains what differs between a multiplayer and a single-player shooter: "Most multiplayer shooters are gameplay-driven: play sessions consist of one or more matches, in which players compete with each other (either individually or as teams) to win the game, either by scoring points or capturing objectives. Most single-player shooters, by contrast, are story-driven: play sessions consist of one or more levels, in which the player is told the story so far and then must overcome a series of obstacles to find out what happens next." Already this provides some insight into what compels people to play video games. Multiplayer shooters, such as Fortnite, some Call of Duty games, Battlefield games, and Counter-Strike: Global Offensive, depend on other players to keep you interested. Winning a match is the main objective. In single-player games, the goal isn't to win a round, it's to complete the story. In a way, this makes a single-player shooter similar to a book or a movie. The difference between them is that the player takes an active part in moving the plotline forward, which keeps the player interested and motivated to find out what happens next.

A storyline isn't the only thing that can be necessary to keep a player motivated. The gameplay plays a big role in keeping the player interested in continuing the game. Games have two main parts, speed and strategy. Speed-based games rely on fast reflexes, immediate feedback, and quick thinking to be enjoyable. Games like these require you to be in the moment the whole time, ready to react to whatever is thrown at you. Games that are more speed-based include titles such as Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, and endless runner games such as Temple Run or Subway Surfers. Despite being very different games in style, aesthetic, plot, and goals, these all rely on speed as a main mechanic. Another aspect of games is strategy. Strategy-based games take a slower route, and are more based on planning and thinking before you act. Strategy games often have some sort of back-and-forth mechanic between the player and some sort of other entity, usually a non-player character (npc) or the game itself. This includes games such as battling games such as Pokemon, storyline games like Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing, and many mobile games. Strategy games require the player to think about what they want to do before they do it, and often have multiple storylines or options for how to play the game or what to do when. All games have elements of both strategy and speed, but usually one takes precedence over the other. Each category of game has its pros and cons and its own problems.

There are a few problems with speed-based games that the developers must remedy for the game to be enjoyable. Firstly, games with speed-based mechanics are often very easy to pick up and learn. Many Super Smash Bros. players will mash buttons or spam attacks rather than use combination attacks or the full variety of moves available. Speed-based games must introduce a learning curve for players to learn new skills, become better at the skills they already have, and some sort of challenge that requires those skills to be used. Another problem with speed-based games is the lack of variety. One character with only one set of moves can quickly become boring to play. Most games don't have this problem, with many games having multiple characters. Breath of the Wild, however, only has one playable character, Link. Nintendo keeps BotW from becoming boring by having Link have many weapons and clothing to collect and choose from to use, food items to temporarily boost stats, and a way to upgrade Link's health points as the game grows more difficult. Many endless runner games (i.e. Subway Surfers or Temple Run) lack this attribute, which causes players to become bored of them after playing for a while. While they may include customizable or lots of character choices, the changes are purely cosmetic and don't impact the gameplay.

Strategy games have issues as well, most notably those to do with speed. Strategy games often have a slower pace, and making the pace too slow can cause players to become bored. This was an issue with the role-playing game Final Fantasy VII, a 1997 turn-based rpg by Square Enix. Final Fantasy VII is set to have a remake by Square Enix, the first part of which was released on April 10, 2020. An article I discovered addressed some flaws in the original game as well as what the remake should have to make the game better. The article reads: "Modern releases of Final Fantasy VII include an option to speed up combat by a factor of three, and after turning it on, you quickly learn that you almost never need to turn it off to more carefully manage the flow of battle, such is the monotony of just attacking and healing over and over. This speed boost is greeted by latter-day players as a crucial "quality of life" improvement. It doesn't matter how many oakleaves you've acquired in 22 years; when letting the player essentially skip the gameplay is treated as a godsend, you don't have a very good game." (Vogt) As said in the quote, the ability to speed up gameplay shouldn't be necessary. The gameplay is also described as monotonous. Games must be interesting to keep players motivated to continue playing. Keeping players interested in the game is a big part of video game making.

Game designers and developers must put player enjoyment first when making a game. Even if the ultimate goal is to make money or gain popularity in the community, player enjoyment is what leads to a game's success. If a player isn't having fun playing a game, they won't recommend it to others, or join an online community about it, or even continue playing it. For this reason, I decided to find information about the process of game design and development, where ideas came from, and how enjoyment of the game came into the mix. I found an academic study of a game jam in 2013. A game jam is an event where multiple groups of game makers come together to make games in an allotted time using a given prompt. The study discusses multiple aspects of the game jam, including initial ideas, prototyping, and game development and testing, the latter of which is shown in the quote here: "Participants [in the game jam] removed systems within the game (e.g. attacks requiring combinations of buttons rather than single buttons) or reduced the total number of components used (e.g. fewer game levels or types of enemies). Swapping mechanics occurred when already implemented systems were buggy or dysfunctional or when playtesting (personally or with others) showed them to be overly complex or unintuitive." (Zook) This quote shows how game developers must think about how the players will interact with mechanics, especially mechanics they aren't used to. Mechanics are how you do things in the game, whether it be with certain buttons, an item, movement, interaction with the environment, or a combination of these. Mechanics must be easy to pick up on and learn for beginning players, but difficult to master so as to keep players entertained. The quote shows how initially complex mechanisms such as button combinations or buggy systems can be unintuitive for the players, and therefore need to be fixed. If a player has difficulties with the game's function, it won't be fun to play. Games must be fun if they want to keep players interested.

For this paper, I interviewed one of my friend's younger brothers, an avid player of video games. Ian plays video games for a few hours every day, he says, on xbox, nintendo switch, and mobile devices. In the interview, he says that what he thinks makes video games enjoyable is having fun. Although he plays video games more suited to younger users, there were a few things he had to say about games he disliked. The main things he didn't like about games were the difficulty (too hard, too easy) bad graphics, or he "wasn't as interested as he thought he was." His viewpoint as someone who plays a lot of video games is very useful for the question I'm asking. Difficulty of games is something that is hard to balance for game developers. As discussed earlier, the mechanics must be intuitive so the player can pick up on them easily. However, if the entire game is easy, the player will get bored, just like Ian did.

"What makes video games enjoyable?" is the question I've tried to answer. So, what does make video games enjoyable? I'd say it's a variety of things. Video games are so complex, and what makes them entertaining is even more complex. There's such a huge variety of video games available to play, on dozens of platforms and consoles, and in many different ways. Expecting to find just one answer for such a broad question would be unjustifiable. So, I've determined a couple things that make video games enjoyable. As Ian said, games should be fun. Fun means different things to each person, so different games will be better for different people. Different difficulties and styles of games will be different for different people. A more casual game style, like mobile games or kid's games, might be more enjoyable for a gamer like Ian. However, strategy based games such as Pokemon, Assassin's Creed, or shooting games such as CS:GO might be more suited to older players. In short, what makes video games enjoyable is the variety of games there are to play. Games are for everyone, and each type of video game has people who enjoy it, and people who don't. There is no one clear answer to this question. Unfortunately, this means that if I want to be more involved in playing video games, I'm going to have to try some games and find out what I like. If you're interested in video games, I suggest you do the same.

Works Cited

Jabr, Ferris. “Can You Really Be Addicted to Video Games?” New York Times, 22 October 2019, https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/22/magazine/can-you-really-be-addicted-to-video-games.html. Accessed 2 November 2020.

Leeson, David M. "Northrop Frye and the story structure of the single-player shooter." English Studies in Canada, vol. 37, no. 2, 2011, p. 137+. Gale In Context: High School, https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A294194389/SUIC?u=midd34407&sid=SUIC&xid=e5b85bc6. Accessed 18 Oct. 2020.

Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/video%20game. Accessed 5 November 2020.

S., Ian. Personal interview. December 2020.

Stych, Anne. “Americans' favorite forms of entertainment are digital.” bizjournals, 28 March 2019, https://www.bizjournals.com/bizwomen/news/latest-news/2019/03/americans-favorite-forms-of-entertainment-are.html?page=all#:~:text=The%20shift%20to%20digital%20is,research%20by%20The%20NPD%20Group. Accessed 2 November 2020.

Vogt, Ryan. "For all its greatness, Final Fantasy VII wasn't a good game. Let's remember why." Washingtonpost.com, 7 Apr. 2020. Gale In Context: High School, https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A619723232/SUIC?u=midd34407&sid=SUIC&xid=0b17c660. Accessed 11 Oct. 2020.

Zook, Alexander and Mark O. Riedl. "Game Conceptualization and Development Processes in the Global Game Jam." School of Interactive Computing, College of Computing, Georgia Institute of Technology, http://www.fdg2013.org/program/workshops/papers/GGJ2013/ggj13_submission_4.pdf. Accessed 11 Oct. 2020.

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

ʙɪɢ ʙᴀᴅ ᴡᴏʟꜰ  2 / 2 | 𝕁𝕁𝔹𝔸 𝟛 [Drabble]

ᴡᴏʟꜰ ʜʏʙʀɪᴅ!ᴊᴏᴛᴀʀᴏ x ʜᴜᴍᴀɴ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

[Part 1]

Here’s part 2 of this sort of fantasy AU~! Definitely going to do more one-shots with the other jojo’s later so I hope y’all stick around for that~!

» » Admin Ko

»»————-　★　————-««

The story of Little Red was one that was passed throughout the centuries. Though in actuality, how accurate was the story? Did anyone know of the challenges the cloaked individual went through? The creatures they had met? It’s all a mystery. After all, there can only be so much truth from a story passed along through words...

ⳮⷤ ── ⲇ ── ⳮⷤ

Fighting. That’s what you found yourself waking up to as you blearily pried your weary eyes open to the site before you. The snarls and sharp barks had you alert the moment they registered in your head. Immediately, you went to find a place to hide from the violence, but the pain you felt throughout your immensely sore body told you otherwise as you let out a painful groan. 

Though you felt your blood run cold as the snarling suddenly stopped and two pairs of green blue eyes settled on your form. The uneasy tension you felt coursing through the air as you slowly gulped down your scream. This was it. You shouldn’t have followed Jotaro to his pack. This was all a mistake, and now you were going to be a snack for these two wolves.

Yet, instead of the lunge and snarls of the wolves you bore witness to something else that made the whole experience a lot more...bizarre. The man who had previously found you, Jotaro, had waltzed up to the two wolves before you. He kicked them both to the side as the pair made a whine and aggravated bark of anger.

“Shut the fuck up. You both scared her.” 

Was the simple retort as you could only stupidly look up at the man before you. If anything, your confused and blank gaze had him even more peeved as he closed his sea-green eyes briefly. A chance to calm down the anger that quelled within him before he opened his eyes to meet your gaze again.

“That was Jolyne and Giorno. They were to watch you. But clearly they couldn’t even do that without some sort of spat.”

The two wolves in turn let out haughty barks before suddenly fleeing the area. The whole situation leaving you bewildered and confused before you finally opened your mouth to speak. 

“What...happened?” 

Jotaro took a brief moment to assess the situation before him. His gaze skimming you over once before he let out another sigh and turned to face the entryway of the cave you were in.

“To put things curtly. You ate. Jolyne treated your wounds, and you spent the night here. You just woke up.”

You felt your eye twitch at the obvious answer given before rubbing the sides of your head to keep the oncoming headache at bay.

“Look, I can make that basic assumption hardass. What I meant was what happened while I was asleep.”

It was silent for a moment. Nothing but the sound of the wind outside of the cave. It was honestly somewhat suffocating as the large man before you seemed to refuse to tell you exactly what happened. Fine. If that was the case then you’ll just ask Johnathon. He seemed like a gentlemen, surely he’d give you a proper explanation of everything. 

Though before you could really get up to find the large burly man, Jotaro walked towards you. The action catching you by surprise as you seemed to freeze at his motion. It unnerved you that you kept freezing up at him, but there was something in the way he moved that just set alarms off in your head. 

Seeing your reaction, he couldn’t help but give an annoyed sigh as he pulled his hands out his pockets. Showing that he wasn’t armed or was intending to hurt you; and seeing the action before you had a flush crawl onto your cheeks. He noticed. Fuck. 

“If you’re wondering, you’re most likely reacting that way because you feel like prey.”

The simple statement had you stare at him in a dumbfounded manner before you felt yourself relax. Or rather, forced yourself to as the truth came into light. Perhaps that’s what your head was telling you, or hell the fact that your past memories of the horror stories beyond the forest were being brought back to light at full force.

The thought didn’t bod well for you as you shoved the memories into the back of your mind; and thankfully a distraction came to you as two people walked into the cave. Both bickering-- really one haughtily talking while the other calmly replied with practiced finesse-- with each other before bringing themselves to you. 

“...hi?” 

You offered, a startled and confused look on your features as Jotaro seemed even more annoyed at the sudden appearance. The pair seemed to ignore him as they kept their focus solely on you.

“We apologize for frightening you earlier, Signorina. We just had a...disagreement you could say.”

The shorter, golden blonde hair with three donut shaped accents spoke. He seemed to be the calm type. The one who would analyze a situation and tell you the honest truth. Though, like Jotaro a pair of wolf like ears sat at the top of his head as a golden tail swung slowly behind him.

“Cut the suave talk Giorno. Look, we argued if it was smart for fish boy here to bring you, a human, into the area. We don’t mind you being here, but the surrounding population? Not so much.”

Now that didn’t sit well with you, and Jotaro seemed to take note of that as he gave a sharp glare to the girl who you later found out was Jolyne. Her appearance was much more rough. Green and black hair were weaved intricately in a signature style that could honestly be spotted a mile away, though like her siblings; she too had a set of extra ears seated at the top of her head and a matching tail. 

“Tell them to fuck off. She won’t be in the area much longer anyway.” 

The sharp retort and words that fell from Jotaro’s lips had you flinch slightly as he gave the two a quick glare before picking you up with surprising gentleness. Of course you felt somewhat conflicted. Your body screaming fight or flight (more so flight) and your mind reminding you that he wouldn’t hurt you. 

Luckily, you managed to keep a tight hold on your instincts as Jotaro carried you out of the cave and back into the bright world. In all honesty, the forest during the day calmed you down much more  than the forest you faced yesterday evening. 

“Oh! I see you’re awake~! Good morning miss!” 

The familiar cheery voice caught your immediate attention as your gaze quickly fell towards the brightly smiling man. You gave a small nod and a soft ‘good morning’ yourself before Jotaro continue to walk towards the woods. Your mind suddenly reeling in confusion as you looked up at the wolf carrying you.

“Uh...what?”

He merely grunted as you peered over his shoulder to see Johnathon waving at you two. Not at all concerned or questioning where the hell Jotaro was taking you. There definitely was something going on here.

“I’m taking you home.”

His response had honestly caught you off guard. Home? So suddenly? Well...it made sense with your injuries, but your questions had yet to be answered. 

“I appreciate that and all, but I would much prefer a response than being brought to your pack, and then suddenly being taken home. Something happened while I was asleep and for whatever reason, you’re refusing to tell me.”

The moment he avoided your gaze though told you exactly what you dreaded to think. There was something more to this whole situation that made everything all the more...unsettling. 

“Look. If you tell me the truth I’ll lay off questioning--”

“I’ll tell you, but you have to promise to never step foot into the forest ever again.”

Well shit. That caught you off guard. Though you couldn’t lie to yourself, never having to deal with the forest was already something you had planned to do-- despite your occupation requiring you to be in the forest. Yet if a resident of the forest was telling you this...there had to be something more to it.

It was a gamble, and you knew that but you needed to know. This whole mess had started with the damned map from your town’s chief and you weren’t going to leave without a proper answer at least! With that, you decided to take the risk, it was better knowing than not if you were going to figure out a loophole in this deal.

“...Deal. Now explain.”

ⳮⷤ ── ⲇ ── ⳮⷤ

Seated back at home at your quaint desk, you couldn’t help but feel another wave of nausea hit you. It had been quite some time since you’ve been dropped off at your home, but the words that Jotaro spoke kept playing over and over in your head as you felt absolutely sick to your stomach. 

Whatever this was. Whoever’s sick game this was, was definitely someone you wanted gone. Forgotten about. Hell, you wanted them to forget about you! 

Letting out a painful sigh, you pushed yourself away from your desk as you flopped into your bed. Those damned words replaying in your head like a record as you clutched at the sheets beneath you.

“...You’ve been dragged into a fucked up game with an old family enemy. I don’t know the exact reasons why or why you in particular have been dragged into this feud, but what I do know is that our enemy has their eyes on you and they purposefully got that map into your town’s hands.”

It was wrong. It was fucked up, what sort of history did you even have anyway? You didn’t know anyone from the pack, nor do you know anyone who had ill will towards you or your family. So why?

With an exasperated groan, you let your mind drift as the sweet lull of sleep brought you into a world of darkness.

ⳮⷤ ── ⲇ ── ⳮⷤ

“Jotaro, I understand that you wanted to get her home as quickly as possible...but is that really any way to treat your soulmate? You could’ve at least told her the complete truth.”

“Look, I appreciate your sentiment and shit Johnathon, but I’m not risking this shit. Not again. I’ll tell her the full truth when Dio is taken care of.”

ⳮⷤ ── ⲇ ── ⳮⷤ

The lore of fairy tale’s differs from time to time. The perception and understanding between characters constantly butchered, re-structured, or even removed to better suit the listener’s ears.

Though, what if in the story of Little Red and The Big Bad Wolf....the wolf wasn’t all that bad? 

[capaldifiction]

Behind The Lens - Lewis Capaldi x Reader

Well the length of this one got a bit out of hand because once I got started on it, it suddenly got really long and I just decided to go with it lol

Paring: Lewis Capaldi x Photographer Reader

Word Count: 5,039

Description: Based on the request: “Reader is Lewis photographer and after a while Lewis wants to know her more because they are so often together.” Hope you like it 💙

Requested by: @penelope-potter

Warnings: Some swearing.

Italics are inner thoughts. The breaks are jumps in time.

Lewis exhales loudly and shakes his head before pulling open the door to the set he’d be on today. Having someone style him, fuss over his hair, and throw makeup on his face was still a weird reality, and he wasn’t looking forward to this first big shoot.

He’d had some headshots and quick promo pictures taken before, but none of them required a full set, staff, and all this fuss. He knew this was a big opportunity, for the magazine to even want to put him in their up and coming artists, and that made it all the more agonizing. The interview itself had gone well he thought, though he’d held himself back a lot more than he normally would have, but well enough. But he wasn’t looking forward to the shoot itself.

“First time?” a voice asks, pulling him out of his anxious thoughts. Glancing over he sees a girl with a camera around her neck, and a similar apprehensive look as he’s sure he has on his own face.

“I- yeah, basically,” he admits with a nervous laugh. “I’ve not done a full shoot, with all this… fuss.”

“I get it,” she nods in agreement. “I’ve been a photographer awhile, but this is my first big contract shoot.”

“So neither of us know what we’re doing, this is going to go great,” he says with a laugh.

“Hey I know how to work my equipment,”she insists. “I’m just not used to it being for this big of a company or there being a whole team involved.”

“Well at least that means you have very low expectations for me,” he concludes with a shrug.

“We’ll learn together,” she says confidently, reaching out to gently pat his arm. “I’m going to finish getting the equipment ready if you want to go get comfortable on the set.”

He nods, but shouts out as she starts to walk away, “Hey! What’s your name?”

“Y/N,” she answers with a smile.

“I’m Lewis,” he responds immediately.

“I know,” she says with a wink before walking away.

His nerves now a little more relaxed, he heads over to the set where assistants immediately have him sit down, and situate his pose and smooth out his shirt. As they continue to fuss over him, he quietly watches his photographer talk with a group of people and set up all the equipment.

Something about her confidence when he knows she’s in a similar boat to him, helps calm his nerves.

“Ready to be a model Lewis?” She asks as she pops the lens cap off and adjusts the camera.

“Born ready,” he jokes as the camera flashes twice.

“Look over to the right… perfect,” Y/N calls out, the constant sound of clicks coming from the camera as Lewis adjusts his pose.

Stepping back from the camera briefly, Y/N looks over analyzing him carefully. “Could someone- actually I got it,” she says before just heading over to him.

Lewis turns to look at her as she reaches him and kneels down, “Problem?”

“Just fixing a few things, if it’s cool if I touch you?” she asks.

“As if anyone else asked,” he jokes but nods at her.

“Well I'm the photographer, making you look extra pretty isn’t my job description,” she chuckles and reaches out to fix the chain around his neck.

“I could see the clasp in the shots,” she explains as he looks at her questioningly. “Face back the way you were please.”

He listens and she adjusts where the necklace is sitting on his chest, then smooths down a stray hair before leaning back to assess him with an approving nod.

“Do I look acceptable now?” he teases, still staring in the direction she’d instructed him to.

“Absolutely perfect, like the star you were born to be,” she gives his knee a pat before climbing back to her feet and heading back over to the camera.

-

“And that’s a wrap everyone,” the set manager announces as people start swooping in to take care of the equipment. “Lewis you can keep the clothes, and your manager is waiting for you back by the dressing room you were in earlier. John will walk you back,” he says motioning toward an intern holding a clipboard to the side.

Lewis nods and falls into step with the intern, sending one last look over his shoulder at Y/N.

“Did you leave something on set?” John asks, noticing his glance back.

“I- no I’m good,” he says quickly. “Actually, do you know Y/N’s last name?”

“The photographer? No I don’t, this is her first time working with us,” he answers. “Do you need her information?”

“No, I was just thinking, uh, I should add her on Instagram for the pictures,” he explains half-heartedly.

“Oh!” John nods understandingly as they reach the dressing room. “I’m not sure what it is, but I can ask that she tags you in any she may post. Though the best will be on our site and all social media platforms. What is your Instagram handle so I can provide her with it?”

“Just @LewisCapaldi,” he says, watching the man quickly jot it down on the paper on his clipboard. “I’ll go and inform her, have a good evening Lewis,” he assures before walking back the way they came.

“You like that photographer huh?” his agent asks, leaning against the door frame of the dressing room.

“I mean, well I think we worked well together, she was cool,” he explains with a shrug, his manager nodding back.

“Seemed like a good match, I’ll keep that in mind.”

-

Lewis finds himself once again sitting in the makeup chair as people fuss over his hair and face. Another magazine shoot, he’s done enough now that they’ve become more automatic. The more his fame grew, the more he found himself in front of a camera. And oddly enough the more he found himself in front of Y/N’s camera.

She seemed to pop up as the photographer of so many of his shoots, that he was disappointed when he walked onto set and it wasn’t her. He still didn’t like his picture being taken that much, but she always put him at ease, and her pictures always turned out great.

After their first time working together, she had tagged him in the photos she put up as he’d asked.

He’d spent some time scrolling through her photos, looking for more about her. There wasn’t much beyond her work, her dog, and some friends. No sign of a partner or mentions of other hobbies. And as time passed he watched her updates turn from random models and people just starting out, to bigger and bigger names. From just great shots of the artists and actors, to selfies she’d taken with all the stars she was working with.

Every time they worked together she posted the new pictures, tagging him to it with a nice caption about loving his music and working with him. But a part of him wished she’d ask to take a picture with him. He didn’t know why it irked him, or why he felt too awkward to ask. But with each new selfie with a star posted to her page, the more he wanted a picture with her.

“Guess who,” Y/N says poking her head into the open door of his dressing room pulling him from his thoughts.

“Ah fuck, you again?” he jokes. “How many places do you work for anyway, you’re everywhere.”

“Contract work Lewis,” she says with a grin, leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed. “Whoever contracts me to do the shoot.”

“And you just always end up at the same places I do huh?” he asks questioningly.

“Actually, from what I’ve heard higher ups like the previous photos I’ve taken of you, and your management keeps choosing me when they’re offered a list to choose from. So it’s less me following you around, and more you pulling me back in.”

“You could turn it down,” he says as the hair stylist turns his head.

“Hey the more of these I do, and the more famous you get, the more money I make,” she laughs. “Plus I’m sure you’d miss me if you didn’t get to see me show up every so often and tell you what to do.”

“Fair play,” he agrees as he tries to not make a face at the hairstyle he was just given.

Y/N notices the look and smirks, “I’ll let you finish up in here and get to the set. See you soon.”

-

“Chin up a bit,” Y/N calls out as Lewis adjusts, clicks of the camera sound off several times, followed by silence. She stares through the lens for a moment before looking up and staring at him contemplating.

“This isn’t working, I’m making an executive decision on it,” she says walking over to him and running her hands through his hair to free it up. “Sorry hairstylist,” she says softly as he chuckles.

“You just felt the need to play with my hair right?” he jokes. “Always have to be touching me.”

“As soft as it is,” she replies leaning back to see her work. “Your hair just doesn’t look right the way they had it. It just looked weirdly flat. The way you usually have it looks better for you.”

“So looking like I didn’t bother with it?”

“Exactly, you rock the ‘I woke up and ran my hand through my hair’ look,” she agrees. “I think that should work.”

“You know most photographers let the stylists fix the hair, makeup, and clothes,” he adds. “I’ve worked with a bunch of them now and you’re the only one doing this.”

“Easier for me to fix it myself than try to explain it to someone, then have them do it,” she explains.

“Good point, telling them to make my hair messy isn’t exactly specific.”

Backing up she looks him over once more, “Perfect. Can we get some shots with you against the wall now?”

“I don’t know can we?” he responds as he gets up and goes to the wall.

“You give me sass, yet do exactly what I say,” she grins. “Exactly why I like working with you. Even though you got rid of the long beautiful hair.”

“You liked my long hair huh?” he asks as she walks back over to the camera.

She holds a hand up and he poses as the camera clicks several times. “Some people pull it off well, you’re one of those people. Look up please.”

Click.

“Look down.”

Click.

“Toward the camera, peace sign.”

Click.

The rest of the shoot goes as planned, and Lewis finally leaves the set as Y/N calls an end to the session.

Walking over to her, he leans against the column in the room and watches as she flicks through the photos on her camera, “What are you doing?”

“Having a quick look at some of the shots we got,” she answers without looking up. “Need something?”

“Well,” he clears his throat and attempts to look casual. “I was wondering if you’d want to get some lunch together?”

Y/N looks up quickly with a surprised expression but gives him a gentle smile, “Yeah that sounds great. Right now?”

“Yeah I was thinking right after we wrap all this up?” he asks.

“Y/N!” a well-dressed woman from across the room yells. Approaching them quickly with her heels clicking the floor. “What’s our time frame on getting these photos?”

“Well I was going to take a lunch then-” she begins before being cut off by the woman.

“No time, we can have lunch brought to you, we need them by 1:30 latest, we need you on there pulling and editing them now.”

“I- alright,” she nods dejectedly. “I’ll grab my laptop and be in the office.”

“Perfect, thank you,” she says before turning to Lewis. “You did great! We’re so happy to have you here, I already read the interview and it’s fantastic. We’ll be putting the piece into print tomorrow.”

“Thanks, and thanks for inviting me,” he replies with a forced smile. Disappointment obvious in his voice.

“Y/N I’ll send my assistant to the office to get your order for food, he’ll take care of that for you. Send the files directly to our art department when you’ve finished,” she orders and turns to walk away.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N says as she looks back at Lewis. “Maybe next time?”

“And now you’ll never be my photographer again so you never have to go to lunch with me, I see this devious plan,” he replies trying to cheer her up.

“Damn, figured out already,” she snaps. “See you around Lewis.”

And with that she grabs her laptop and camera card and disappears once again.

-

“What kind of shoot is this?” Lewis asks as he’s walking with his manager.

“Just some new headshots and pictures we can throw on some merch or send in as your official pictures. No magazine, interview, radio station, or YouTube channel,” he says leading them through the rental space.

“Ah, so these are the ones I’m going to be seeing every day for the next year,” he says unhappily.

“Exactly, so make ‘em good,” he says before opening the door to the studio portion of the building.

A smile immediately takes over Lewis’ face as a familiar face looks up from the camera she’d been tinkering with, a similar smile across her own.

“Well lookie who it is,” he calls out as they get closer to her.

“Told you I’d see you again, you don’t get rid of me that easily,” she teases and hugs him with her free arm.

“And with no magazine publisher to blame for you being here,” he adds.

“Ask him, he hired me,” she laughs nodding at his manager who’s shaking his head.

“I’ll leave you two to it, you have the list of what we need Y/N?”

“Yep, got it under control,” she says with a thumbs up as he walks away.

“Can I have you go sit backwards on that chair?” she asks nodding towards a chair in front of a gray backdrop.

“Your wish is my command,” he says dramatically as he heads over to the set.

As he sits, she brings her camera in closer than most of the shoots they’d done together.

“Need a few real good up close ones,” she explains as she adjusts the lens. “Just act natural, try a few different faces and poses. Maybe a hand under the chin, hand on the jaw, things like that. I’m just going to keep taking them as we go.”

Adjusting his pose after every few clicks, he finds himself more focused on Y/N’s face in front of him. There was something endearing about the seriousness on her face, how completely focused she looked.

She was clearly in her element. A smile spreads across his face as he remembers the day they met, and the nerves she had then. She’d faked confidence that day to make it. Now it was obviously genuine. She knew what she was doing, and she was good at it.

“Cute smile there Lewis,” she teases as she clicks the camera again. “Thinking about something in particular?”

“Just how intense you look now compared to the day we met,” he admits, turning his head slightly. “Look at you being a professional photographer.”

“And look at you modeling like a fucking icon, not even needing my direction,” she chuckles.

“We’ve come a long way haven’t we?” he agrees as he leans on one hand.

“From ‘what the fuck did I get myself into’ to ‘I got this shit’ in a few years is a pretty good progression.”

“Speaking of progression,” he starts as he leans down to rest his hands and chin on the top of the chair. “You still owe me on going to lunch.”

“You got it,” she responds simply. “After this?”

“Works for me.”

-

After another half hour of shots, they call it a day as the crew comes in to take care of the equipment.

“So there’s a small place a few blocks from here,” Lewis says walking up to Y/N.

“Works for me, walking over?”

“Yeah,” he answers as they leave the building, squinting at the sunlight after being in the dark studio.

They made it to the cafe rather quickly, small jokes passing between the two of them on the way and as they slide into the booth.

As the menus are tossed on the table, Y/N grabs one and looks up at Lewis, “I suppose I should have ask if they have good food here?”

He shrugs and flips through the menu, “I just saw it on the way here.”

“Guess that works,” she chuckles as she looks as well.

After ordering they talk about some of the things they’d recently been doing for work, and she shows him various photos on her phone from her most recent shoots.

Within no time the food arrives at their table, and they settle into a comfortable conversation as they eat, asking various questions here and there. Listening to her talk, about contracts, hobbies, family, and friends made him want to know more. And the more questions she asked him, the more he realized how easy it was to tell her about his own life.

After the plates had been removed from their table, one question was still burning in his mind. He felt stupid to ask it. Maybe it was ridiculous. But he had to try.

“Do you think we could maybe uh..” he starts out before letting the request die in his throat. No, asking for that would be too stupid.

“Could we what?” she pushes, her gaze holding his.

“Just, I don’t know. Take a picture together?” He tries simply, scolding himself internally for asking.

She looks confused for a moment before smiling and pulling out her phone, “Yeah definitely! I’d wanted one with you, but when we first worked together I didn’t know if I should ask, then after that we’d worked together so much it felt weird to ask.”

“And here I was just thinking you didn’t like me enough,” he jokes as she gets up and slides into his side of the booth to sit beside him.

“Nah, you’re my favorite,” she admits as she hits the camera app and lifts it above them.

He slings an arm over her shoulders, carefully pulling her a little closer for the photo, and she presses her cheek against his as they both look up at the camera making cheesy smiles.

After clicking it a few times, she lowers the phone to look at them in the gallery, “Oh those are cute ones, look at you modeling without any direction again.”

“It’s cute because I’m not the focus of the pictures,” he says surprising himself. He sheepishly lifts his arm off her shoulders and clears his throat. “Could you send me them?”

“Yeah of course,” she responds, either having not heard his comment or registered it how he meant it. She swipes over to her contacts and hands him her phone, “Just add your contact so I can send it. I think we’ve known each other long enough that you should have my number.”

“You think that,” he chuckles as he puts his number in her phone. “But now you’ve opened the flood gates to me sending you stupid shit.”

She rolls her eyes and accepts her phone back from him to send him the pictures, “I’ll live. Stupid pictures make the stress of the world a bit better sometimes anyway.”

“A lot of stress in the freelance photography business?”

She sighs and fidgets her phone in her hands as his goes off signaling he’d received the pictures. “It’s a fickle business,” she admits quietly. “Everything can be going great and fantastic right now, but you mess up one shoot, and the following ones will be harder and harder to book. There’s not a lack of photographers as you can imagine. We’re both in fickle businesses.”

He nods understandingly and reaches up to squeeze her hand on the table.

“Honestly you and your team are like god sent to me,” she says. “I get anxious over having chose this type of career sometimes, everything riding on the next shoot, always knowing there’s a chance I might not get another contract. But your team always seems to pick me out from the list then invite me here for this. Your manager said you liked working with me, and I really enjoy working with you. It’s some stability in a career that’s not always stable. So yeah, thank you for continuing to go with me. It’s been a wild ride the last few years, but I’ve loved growing my career right alongside yours and meeting back up seeing where we each are every now and again.”

He smiles at her before pulling her into a hug the best he can in the booth. They both stay silent, and maybe hold on a bit longer than they should. But he doesn’t want to let go. Something about it just felt… right.

After a few moments he can tell she’s fidgeting, so he pulls back to look at her questioningly.

“Sorry,” she says with a sheepish grin. “Your hair was tickling my nose, it’s starting to get long again.”

“Sorry,” he says with a laugh, reaching up to fix a flyaway hair on her from their hug. “You fix my hair all the time, I should return the favor sometime.”

“The star fixing the photographer’s hair huh?”

“Well… fixing a friend’s hair?” he asks tentatively.

“That works for me,” she nods and leans back against the booth. “I’m enjoyed this by the way, spending time with you outside the studio.”

“Same,” he responds, reaching out for his drink, his throat suddenly very dry.

They sit in silence another few moments as he traces the pattern on the table, “I’m disappointed when it’s not you.”

“Huh?” She asks, obviously confused at his statement.

“I-I mean, when I go in for a shoot. When the photographer isn’t you,” he hastily explains. “I look forward to working with you.”

“You know I’m going to have to tease you for this next time right?” she says with a grin, reaching up to squeeze his cheek.

“I’d be more disappointed if you didn’t,” he adds.

Sitting in the booth awhile longer, they ask a variety of questions and joke around until she notices the sun starting to set outside the window.

“Shit,” she mumbles, pulling her phone out and looking at the time. “Didn’t realize we’d been here for hours, I should probably get going.”

“Fuck, it’s that late?” he frowns as he looks at his own phone, several unread messages sitting on his lockscreen. “Yeah we should head back.”

“Bunch of messages for you too?” she asks as they slide out of the booth and head toward the door.

“Ay,” he nods unhappily. “Someone waiting for you?”

“Yeah,” she replies. “I have a friend staying with me right now.”

“Oh,” his shoulders relax at her explanation. “Thought we’ve worked together this long and you were about to suddenly mention now about a husband and kid at home.”

“Nah none of those,” she kicks at the rocks on the path in front of her. “Most guys aren’t too happy with the long hours and traveling that my job needs sometimes. And I can’t be with someone that’s either going to be upset all the time or want me to quit my career. It’s stressful at times, but I love what I do.”

“I get that, traveling makes dating hard,” he agrees. “But I think it can work if both the people want it to.”

“Yeah that’s probably true, good outlook to have on it.”

As they continue to walk back to the studio, he doesn’t know what to say. She happily chatters about other things that he nods to with a smile.  But he wants to tell her he wants to talk more. To know her more. That he wants to do this again. But all the words are lost on him as he turns to look at her smiling at him, the setting sun shining off her hair.

Once they reach her car, she wraps her arms around him to give him a hug before slipping into the front seat, “So see you the next time you need some photos huh?”

No. I want to see you sooner. “Yeah that sounds about right,” he says instead, trying to hide his disappointment as her door closes and she pulls out of the parking lot.

He was sure he’d see her again sometime. And he didn’t know exactly what he was feeling. But he knew he wanted to get to know her even better.

Later that night his phone pings with an Instagram notification. Grabbing his phone from the table next to his bed he clicks the notification to see Y/N had posted one of the photos they’d taken together earlier. “Another great shoot with the one and only @LewisCapaldi. Easily one of the best singers and people I’ve had the privilege of meeting, working with, and getting to know <3 Thanks for being so easy to work with, and so fun to spend time with Lewis, here’s to several more years of working together.”

He smiles down at it, and quickly double taps the image then leaves a heart in the comments before setting his phone back down on the nightstand. He’d planned on going to sleep, but the smile on his face and his racing heart in his chest tell him what he’d been trying to figure out earlier.

With a grunt he flips his light back on and pulls his notebook from his drawer to write out the lyrics in his head.

-

“So that’s the gist of the plans,” Lewis’ manager concludes as Lewis nods along to the tour plans he was going over. Partially distracted by Y/N’s name showing up on his lock screen with a meme. They’d been texting back and forth every so often since they last saw each other. Mainly memes and sarcastic comments about things going on in their lives, but every time her name popped up on his screen he could feel the unmistakable happiness in him.

“Lewis?” his manager asks expectantly, drawing his attention back to the meeting.

“I- uh, yeah what’d you ask?” he asks sheepishly.

“Are you ok with that arrangement?”

“What arrangement?”

Sighing, his manager sits back down, “I said one of our usual photographers for the tour is unavailable, we were discussing checking with Y/N to see if she’d be available.”

“I’m fine with that,” he answers immediately, almost too fast.

“Good, because we already started drafting the contract,” he smirks knowingly at Lewis. “I’ll give her a call tomorrow.”

“Class, let me know what she says?” he asks as his eyes are drawn to his phone again as it lights up with another notification from the girl in question.

“I’m guessing she’s going to tell you before I even have the chance,” he laughs as Lewis swipes his phone off the table, his cheeks turning red.

“Are we done here?”

“Yeah, go ahead and get out of here.”

-

Sitting at his desk the next morning writing, Lewis’, phone starts ringing. Seeing the photo of him and Y/N, he swipes to answer, “Hello?”

“A whole fucking tour Lewis!” she shouts into the phone, causing him to pull it away from his ear with a laugh.

“Is that a bad thing…?” he questions.

“No! I just can’t believe it, I’ve done a few concerts for a few people before, but a whole tour,” she says in amazement. “I just can’t believe it.”

“Well you’re a great photographer you should believe it,” he states.

“Thanks,” she replies sounding a lot calmer. “For everything.”

“Hey I didn’t pull strings,” he insists. “You did this on your own, all they did was ask me if I was cool with it.”

“Well, thanks for being cool with me following you around for three months,” she adds.

“As I see it,” he starts, “Might as well just invite you to be there for a solid block of time since you always seem to show up anyways.”

“Now you’re making me sound like a creep.”

“Says the person that just took a contract to follow me around taking pictures for three months,” he teases.”

“You know what,” she replies, “You’ve got a point. I should get going though, I’m supposed to head over to the office to sign the contact in an hour.”

“Sounds good,” he answers as he traces the lines on the paper in his notebook. “See you in a few weeks?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

-

“I still can’t fucking believe this,” Y/N says as she meets up with Lewis and the rest of the crew after they’ve made it through airport security.

“You’ll get used to it,” he says simply, gently bumping his arm against hers. “Sit by me on the flight?”

“You don’t have to sit with someone else?”

“Nah, we choose right before we get on usually,” he says as they stop in front of a window overlooking the tarmac. “And I’d… like to get to know you better.”

Tearing her gaze away from the planes in front of them, she looks up at him, “Get to know me better how?”

“In a friendly way,” he explains, forcing himself to hold her gaze and not back down. “And maybe.. more if that’s something you’d want?”

Instead of an immediate answer, she simply smiles and reaches out to take ahold of his hand as they both turn to look back outside. “I’d like that.”

Letting out the breath he’d unknowingly been holding, he squeezes her hand gently in his own, “Looks like we’re going to have an interesting few months figuring this all out huh?”

“We’ll learn together,” she states happily. “Just like we always have.”

-----

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[anotherkindofmindpod]

I just read both interviews, Part 1 and 2 of Jann Wenner's Rolling Stone Interview of 1971. It sounds as though John and the other Beatles DID have a realistic gripe about Paul taking over, directly projects, handing out musical assignments, etc., etc. and I'm sure he had the ego by this point to match! I would probably have become irritated by Paul as well. And no hints or even reading between the lines of John being emotionally hurt by Paul with regard to loss of intimate relationship.

Hello and thanks for writing in, Listener!First, I’d like to point out that we haven’t reached the Lennon Remembers portion of our Break-up Series, and will dig into it much more thoroughly in a future episode (stay tuned!).  

Presumably this ask isn’t in response to anything we’ve actually discussed on the podcast, in which case I feel that I should explain that what we do on our show is reevaluate conventional wisdom and contextualize public statements within the realities of actual behaviors. In other words, not taking things like Lennon Remembers at face value is AKOM 101.

If what we were doing on this podcast was as easy as simply reading the most infamous interview John Lennon ever gave (the one upon which the conventional story of the Beatles break-up is founded), it wouldn’t be much of a podcast or a very groundbreaking analysis, would it?

Second, I’d like to mention that listeners/readers can hear the entire (3.5 hours!) interview on You Tube.  Very evocative with audio!  Wenner’s editing in the print versions often make John sound more coherent and less vitriolic towards everyone but Paul than the audio reveals (i.e. the shitty comments about Paul are always printed but the ones about George, Brian, etc often aren’t).

Next, we’d like to state the usual disclaimer (which everyone is probably already aware of but is a good reminder anyway!):  John later disavowed this interview.  In fact, he was so angry at Jann Wenner for publishing it as a book, it apparently created a permanent rift between the two.  You may choose to view/value this interview as John being super honest, but please consider that in this allegedly “truthful” book/interview, John:

claims George is musically/creatively inferior to John

declares the McCartney album “rubbish”

reveals his belief that he and Paul’s confidence levels are intrinsically, inversely related to one another

says George was so aggressively rude to Yoko that John wished he would’ve punched him over it

proudly admits that he “maneuvered” the other Beatles to get Klein in as manager

bemoans the fact that everyone says Brian Epstein was so great “just because he’s dead” and that Brian cheated and robbed the Beatles

makes derisive comments about “fags” at least five times in the printed version alone and calls Lee Eastman “a wasp Jew, man, that’s the worst kind of person on earth.”

admits to lying in interviews and deflects accountability on the basis of being “just a guy” who mouths off about stuff

As for Paul, John is admittedly all over the place, swinging fairly wildly from nostalgic (reminiscing about having “a good mind like Paul’s” on his side and co-writing with their “fingers in each others’ pies”) to bitter (”Paul thought he was the Beatles,” etc).

As for the accusations that Paul was tyrannical, we’ve addressed these before (particularly in Break-Up Episode 2).  Just as Geoff Emerick, Michael Lindsay Hogg and Doug Sulpy (and even John, when he was feeling more generous) have articulated, we too feel that Paul stepped up and led the band in a time of need and deserves unequivocal credit for that.  We believe much of the subsequent complaining from the other Beatles is akin to the kind of griping one directs at a colleague who gets promoted (“who died and made you king!?”) and while some of it was likely based in genuine irritation at Paul’s communication style, much of it was probably petty.  This is why we are looking at the situation from all angles, to get a better sense of what is reality v. spin.  In any case, we don’t dispute that there were power struggles within the band.Any reader is free to choose John’s side in any/all of these battles.  But our overall takeaway from this particular interview is that John was unloading a lot of pent-up rage; against teachers, fans, Aunt Mimi, his mum, critics, Paul and anyone else who didn’t properly recognize his genius and praise him for it.

“That’s what makes me what I am. It comes out, the people I meet have to say it themselves, because we get fuckin’ kicked. Nobody says it, so you scream it: look at me, a genius, for fuck’s sake! What do I have to do to prove to you son-of-a-bitches what I can do, and who I am? Don’t dare, don’t you dare fuckin’ dare criticize my work like that. You, who don’t know anything about it.”

Based solely on Lennon Remembers, one could reasonably believe John didn’t like anyone but Yoko and Allen Klein (of whom he also speaks with reverence).  Fortunately, John gave a million other interviews in his lifetime, so even though this one is given a disproportionate amount of weight (probably b/c it is the most inflammatory and “raw”) we can compare John’s comments, behavior and art over a broad spectrum of time.  We feel this gives us a better, more thorough and more authentic portrait of John’s POV.  This is a good idea with ANY public figure, but especially important in John’s case, since, by his own admission he has a tendency to say what he feels in the moment and doesn’t necessarily stand by his own statements afterwards.

John in 1976:  “I get a bit absolute in my statements. [laughs] Which sometimes get me into deep water, and sometimes into the shallow.”

To your other point, our overall impressions about John’s feelings regarding  “loss of an intimate relationship” with Paul certainly do not hinge on Lennon Remembers, nor have we ever suggested they do.  In fact, LR is commonly used as the primary proof-point by McCartney detractors and Lennon/McCartney deniers (those who willfully and sometimes passionately  ignore and/or deny the deep love between John and Paul, as described by John and Paul themselves and everyone in their lives) that Paul was a tyrant who destroyed the Beatles with his massive ego.  

We have never disputed the existence of Paul’s ego.  But consider this: John refers to himself as an egomaniac REPEATEDLY throughout this interview.  Why is there a loud faction of people who consider John being an avowed egomaniac perfectly reasonable (sexy even!), but find it unforgivable that Paul is the same way?  Consider these excerpts from Lennon Remembers:

Do you think you will record together again?

I record with Yoko, but I’m not going to record with another egomaniac. There is only room for one on an album nowadays.

How would you assess George’s talents?

[…] Maybe it was hard for him sometimes, because Paul and I are such egomaniacs, but that’s the game.

Who do you think is good today? In any arts…

The unfortunate thing about egomaniacs is that they don’t take much attention of other people’s work. I only assess people on whether they are a danger to me or my work or not.

[Tangential]

But the Beatles were artists, and all artists have fucking’ big egos, whether they like to admit it or not […]

Yes, John rants repeatedly about Paul’s ego during this interview- while he simultaneously declares his own genius and artistic superiority over others. We find it mind-boggling how this irony continues to evade some people, but there it is.  

George Harrison has repeatedly complained about BOTH John & Paul’s egos (and their shared ego IRT “Lennon/McCartney”), but again, this is often ignored in favor of singling out Paul as the villain.  

Furthermore, it’s helpful to bear in mind when consuming Lennon Remembers that John and Yoko had received training in media-messaging by this point and were very savvy at Public Relations.  We know from people close to them that they drafted their stories in advance before offering them to the public. This fact, combined with Lennon’s tendency to “mouth off” means we have the right and responsibility to question and examine John’s claims rather than simply  parrot them mindlessly.

If you are genuinely interested in our take, we recommend our Break-Up Series. We think you will find it well-researched and thoughtful, even if you disagree with some of our conclusions.

Or if you simply dislike McCartney and find him “irritating,” that’s fine too.  Not everyone has to like everyone!

For additional discussion/analysis of Lennon Remembers, I recommend any of several threads on Erin Torkelson Weber’s site, the Historian and the Beatles.

the flawed lens of Lennon v. McCartney

Jann Wenner’s bio

how Rolling Stone shaped the breakup

discussing a podcast appearance

Thank you so much for this ask!  It is always a pleasure to share information.  Have a wonderful day.-The AKOM crew

[tiliamericana]

Muay Thai: 1.04

Read From Start | Read Ahead | Home Site

It was amazing just how quickly Nairi got used to waking up and finding texts from Cherry waiting for her.

Cherry seemed to be up and on at all hours of the day; she was awake in the morning well before Nairi’s eleven o’clock alarm, but also worked well into the small hours of the night and put in long hours at the day job. Nairi had managed to ascertain that it had something to do with art—Cherry had strong opinions on grades of paper (something about absorbency), colour theory (people were stupid), watercolours (they were bad), and on the one occasion she’d come upstairs had informed Nairi that her walls were driving her mad and that she’d be painting something to stop the encroaching insanity.

When she wasn’t inserting herself into Nairi’s life she was sending Nairi pictures and selfies with her other friends; grad students with brightly coloured hair, a grinning bartender showing off his flair, baking with a short woman in glasses. And now this:

C: youre closed on tues y/y?? C: which means yourf free tonight right?

Nairi sent her back a quick “yes” and set her phone down before pulling herself out of bed to face the day. Not opening the dojo meant she was able to take a little longer with her morning, but she still preferred to do her prayers before she had to think about anything else, and Cherry was prone to showing up if Nairi indicated she had free time. Which she apparently had a lot more of than she realised.

Maybe she should look for a new style to start training in. This was the first time she hadn’t been focused on a new one since she… Well, for a while.

When she came back upstairs her phone was lit up again. Maybe Cherry had ideas about lunch? It would mean she’d have a reason to go out and eat something.

C: great!! C: dn you wanna come out tonight?? dinner C: on me if i need to sweeten it ;) edies just moved back fr work and if its just me her and nick im go6na die from them being old folks who disapprove all night C: also i keep talking about you at nick and he wants to meet you lol

Nairi had initially assumed ‘Nick’ was Cherry’s father, just based on the way she talked about him. But then Cherry had mentioned her father later, just calling him ‘Dad’, so maybe he wasn’t? Either that, or she was very discreet about their being gay. Or she just went back and forth between ‘Dad’ and ‘Nick’ arbitrarily. ‘Edie’ on the other hand was a name Cherry had mentioned in passing once and then never again, so Nairi had concluded she was one of the colourful grad students. Apparently not.

She sent back a “sure”, and then after a moment, asked for a place and time.

C: yay!! thank you!! C: its this fckn italian place edie loves but theres a ok bar so not all bad C: edies fatal allergic to being on time but nickll be 7 minutes early

The next message was a sticker, a little pair of eyes rolling across her phone screen when she opened it.

C: meet at 7? C: i checked the menu has good veg C: pasta heavy but good :p

Nairi smiled a little at that and sent her another “yes”. After a moment she added a “thank you”. Cherry sent her back three hearts, and Nairi put her phone down to go and get some lunch.

She didn’t think anything of it until she showed up at the restaurant. Cherry had driven and was already parked, leaning against the side of her obnoxious little two door to wait. It was bright red and nearly vintage, and she’d obviously put a lot of care into it. Nairi had half expected vanity plates, but they were a normal registration.

Nairi waved as she approached and Cherry visibly perked up with a wide, glossy smile, waving back. Cherry had dressed up a little nicer—dark skinny jeans and a pretty sleeveless shirt with a modest v-neck. The heavy Docs were gone, traded for heeled ankle boots, and she had delicate pearl bob earrings to match her golden cross. Not a paint spatter in sight.

“Hi,” she said as Nairi drew to a halt just out of arm’s reach. “Didn’t we pick an interesting night to go out?”

“We sure did,” said Nairi, her brow furrowing as she looked past Cherry to the road between them and the restaurant. “What the hell is going on?”

The stretch of asphalt was filled with a flock of young adults, all of them shirtless, yelling along together in an incomprehensible chant as they ran up and down between two unmarked points on the road. They were arguably being directed; a young woman with a reflective coat and a manic grin, holding a megaphone in one hand and an airhorn in the other, was standing on a shopping cart in the middle. Standing next to her on the ground, was another woman in reflective orange with a clipboard.

Judging by the amount of honking and the lack of anything resembling city signage, this wasn’t an official event.

Cherry glanced down at her phone as one of the women held up the airhorn to the megaphone. Charitably she waited for Nairi’s ears to stop ringing before she spoke. “Flo did a round on the facebook pages—apparently it’s some dorm flash mob from a hall at her college.”

“Which one’s Flo? Did she have the blue hair?” asked Nairi as she lowered her hands from her head and gladly pulled her attention away from a panting eighteen-year-old who had something pink painted on his heaving chest.

“Nah that’s Mason, he’s finishing up his sociology honours. Flo has the green hair, she’s doing her psych PhD,” said Cherry, craning her neck to look around Nairi. “Nick’s here! Right on time, like I said.”

She started waving, and Nairi turned to see the tallest man she’d ever seen waving back across at them. She raised an eyebrow, the muscles in her forearms tensing, and she tried not to feel too uneasy about it.

Cherry hummed happily, picking herself up from where she was leaning on the car door and reaching in through the open window to grab a thin cardigan from the seat. “Oh, and just a heads up,” she said casually, “Nick like, really hates it when people call me Cherry, it’ll probably be better if you just use my real name in front of him.”

Nairi opened her mouth to remind her that she’d never actually gotten around to saying what the was exactly, but Cherry was already halfway across the lot towards the man. “Nick!” she called out as she approached, closing the distance and leaning up on tiptoe to wrap her arms around his shoulders.

He said something to her, pausing to hug her back before continuing over to Nairi. He drew to a halt next to her while Cherry returned to perching against her car. “You must be Nairi,” he said, voice alarmingly deep, hand outstretched. “Linden’s told me so much about you.”

Nairi took his hand and shook it once before dropping it, resisting the urge to take a step back once she’d done so. “Likewise. It’s very nice to meet you.”

Nicholas was close to seven feet tall and probably in his late fifties or very early sixties if she was any judge. His hair had landed firmly in the ‘grey’ zone just past salt-and-pepper, though he’d managed to keep rather a lot of it, close cropped in a very standard short back and sides. He had broad shoulders and a carefully ironed shirt that looked worn but cared for. He had a firm grip, muscle swelling ever so slightly in the lines of his shirt, and there was a furrow in his brow that made him look deeply concerned about something.

Though, from what she’d learned being friends with Cherry—Linden—if she were an older adult in her life she’d probably be deeply concerned as well. Or maybe it was the students.

“Do either of you know what’s going on here?” he asked after a moment, nodding at the crowd.

“Youthful hijinks keeping us from our dinner,” said Linden, grinning easily. She’d released some of the tension in her shoulders since Nicholas’s arrival, but at the same time seemed a little more on edge, like she was anticipating something. She took a deep, exaggerated breath, and pushed her hands into her jean pockets. “Do you know what that smell is?”

Nairi exchanged a faintly puzzled look with Nicholas, though his looked a little more exasperated. “Cheap beer?” she tried.

Linden sniggered. “Yeah, we called it ‘Eau de Freshie’ when I was in school,” she said, tossing her head to give the students behind them a speculative, almost mean look. They were still yelling enthusiastically, and she gestured at them. “It’s no longer funny, anyway. How many of these assholes do you reckon I have to beat up to let us get through?”

“I’m sure it doesn’t need to come to that,” said Nairi, her mouth twitching a little at the side.

Nicholas shot her a grateful look. “From the looks of things someone has already called the police, I’m sure they’ll be dispersed presently,” he said with a nod towards a pissed off looking woman standing by the crosswalk, phone jammed up against her ear.

“The cops always take fucking forever,” complained Linden, running a hand through her hair, foot tapping impatiently. “Come on Nick, you actually like, made a reservation and now we’re gonna miss it.”

“Linden I’m reasonably certain the staff can see what’s happening from where they’re standing,” said Nicholas, irritation creeping into his tone. “A little patience will not kill you, please do not start a fistfight with a teenager.”

Linden grinned at him, stretching her arms out in front of her chest. “I’m like, pretty certain the one with the airhorn is at least twenty.”

“Linden.”

“Well, I mean,” said Nairi speculatively, eyeing the students. “All you really have to do is be flashier than them.”

One of the running students fell out of pitch with their friends, and someone complained in her peripheral. A car door slammed and there was the crunch of footsteps on gravel followed by a huff as someone else joined the spectators. Linden turned her grin back to Nairi. “Yeah? You got an idea?”

“Yeah,” said Nairi, stepping up to Linden and reaching past her into the car window.

The other items she wanted were on the front seat, and Linden’s grin only widened as Nairi pulled them out. The baseball bat was wooden and well used, with a long crack threatening to split it clean open and letter stickers in the world’s ugliest font spelling ‘LINDE’ down the length. There was a clean spot amongst the built-up grime under the ‘E’. The bottle of lighter fluid was about half full, and Nairi held the bat out in front of her to squirt the contents over it liberally, splattering the asphalt in front of them as she did so.

She reached around Linden, extending the same familiarity she’d been receiving from her for the last two weeks, and pulled the lighter out of her back pocket.

The bat lit up easily and Nairi twisted it around to hold it upright, offering it to Linden. Linden looked at her, wide eyed, and took the bat. She placed her other hand on Nairi’s shoulder and squeezed it gently. “You get me,” she said with warmth, before throwing her head back and cackling loudly, sprinting towards the crowd of students with the bat raised over her head.

Nicholas, next to her, made a faint, strangled noise. Behind her was a scoff and a loud voice. “Well. I’m guessing you must be Nairi.”

She turned and came face to face with an older woman in a rumpled men’s dress shirt and glasses who was glaring at her. She had red hair, natural as opposed to Linden’s box dye, and it was plaited out of the way to keep her tired face clear. Grey blue eyes stared down Nairi under her stern brow, and she uncrossed her arms to step forward into Nairi’s personal space. She was stocky and only a little shorter, barely having to raise her chin. “Just for reference,” she said, tone acerbic, “If I hear a single piece of news about young adult burn victims in the local urgent care facilities tomorrow? I will track you down and hold you personally responsible.”

She stepped away without waiting for an answer, glare sliding over to Nicholas. “You’re so right, Nicholas, I can see how much of a model presence she is,” she said in a way that even Nairi could read the sarcasm. “You remain a uniquely terrible judge of character.”

She strode across the street in the wake of Linden’s chaos. The students had mostly scattered with cheers and yells, and the girl with the megaphone was doubled over laughing in her shopping cart.

Nicholas was very slowly turning red, staring at Nairi with an unreadable expression. She coughed slightly and spun on one foot to follow the others across the street, trying to swallow her irritation at their judgement.