#there could have been something really interesting to do with eddie's feelings of loneliness and not wanting to be alone but they made it

[captain-hen]

.

[calumfmu]

all in your head, but I want nonfiction.

You knew who you married to at this point, you really couldn't be mad at him for handling his affairs overseas. He was responsible for everything and more you could've wanted. Everything except his time.

You were the woman of the house, responsible for the affairs over here. And the tattooed man lingering in the yard was the perfect thing to start with.

or; Steddie x reader. (business man!Steve, worker!Eddie, stay at home wife!reader) cw: 18+, mdni, pure smut, unprotected sex, p in v, oral (female and male receiving), fingering, back shots (yes pls), creampie, nipple sucking, threesome, mutual masturbation, slight hair pulling kink, use of the nickname Stevie, brief mentions of alcoholism and drug abuse, (7.7k+ words of pure smut)

It was three months this time, he had been gone. Six total, if you didn't count the two weeks that he was home in between trips. You were really starting to miss your husband, craving his presence, beginning to feel the emptiness of the house you were in.

"Greece is good this time of year," Steve commented, face blurred on the FaceTime call. You hummed, swirling the glass of Cabernet in your hand.

"Yeah, I wouldn't know," you teased, smacking your tongue against your teeth. A quirk of his eyebrow thrown in your direction, the screen lagging slightly as his mouth moved before the words could come out. You often did this, poked fun at the situation, but as of late, the truth has started to leak through the cracks of your words.

"Babe, you know I have to-"

And in that second, the call ended in three abrupt beeps, 'Called Failed' appearing in his place. With a sigh, you threw your phone aside, used to this type of instance occurring. As much money as your husband made, you could barely get the time to speak to him during this time of the year, his service always being the worst or calls being rushed or interruptions always happening.

You knew who you married at this point, you really couldn't be mad at him for handling his affairs overseas. He was responsible for the roof of the mansion over your head, making you a stay at home wife, supplying you with everything you could ever want without even having to voice that. Everything except his time. In the mean time, you’ve buried your time with drinking, book clubs on top of book clubs, expensive dinners alone, and loads of ogling at the men in town you could look at, but not touch.

Seeing your husband, touching your husband only a total of three times in the past half year was an aching feeling, loneliness creeping in at the worst times of the day. Time passed so slowly, it was hard to imagine even seeing him again some days.

You started at the window, gripping the wine glass at your hand as you reached for the decanter perched on the window sill. The sound of the alcohol pouring into the glass filled the room, your wandering eyes searching through the yard for anything to entertain you.

Bingo.

A tall man, curly hair long and pulled back into a bun. Short sleeved, white shirt tight against his frame as he paraded through the grass, boots stopping every now and then as he glanced at the plants in the garden. Your brow furrowed as the confusion set in, wondering who this man was in your yard and yet so interested in learning who he is.

You tapped on the window loudly, knuckles rapping against the pane of the glass as you tried getting his attention.

“Hey!” You called, waving your arm in the air in between knocks.

The man in your yard heard something, his own face turning up as he looked around himself. His eyes searched the grass area before glancing up, settling on your figure displayed through the glass.

“What are you doing?” You shouted, aware that there wasn’t a chance he heard what you were saying. To confirm your suspicions, his hand rose to shield his eyes, the sun glaring down at him as he stared up at you.

He mouthed something, shrugging his shoulders as the two of you held eye contact.

“What are you-” You cut yourself off with a huff, turning on one heel to march downstairs, intent on swearing up a storm, telling him to get off of your property before your husband has something to say about it. And even if the likelihood of getting said husband even on the phone was low, this stranger truly didn’t have to know.

The silk robe you wore flowed in the air as you made yourself way down the stairs, one hand still gripping your wine glass, the other pinching it closed, lounge wear not exactly appropriate for the interaction you were about to have. The four minutes it took you to trek through the house and out the door had you praying he had disappeared, become a figment of your imagination by now.

Double doors swinging open, you stepped out onto the porch, your own hand raising above your eyebrows to block out the UV rays.

To your luck (or despair), he was still there, crouched down as he looked at the array of sprinkler systems.

“What are you doing?” You accused, stepping out further of the house as he shot up in your direction. Surprise was written all over his face, deep lines appearing on his forehead.

“Hi, ma’am, I’m—”

“You have about three seconds to get off of my property,” you tightened the robe around your chest, noticing the way his eyes dipped to explore the expanse of your chest shown.

“Ma’am, I’m—”

“My husband’s going to be home any moment,” A lie. And you both knew it by the way his eyes squinted a little. You doubled down. The wine was starting to take effect. “And he’ll have you arrested. We know the chief.”

An amused smirk passed on his face, smugness oozing from his features. He waited a beat, eyes twinkling with humor.

“Are you finished?”

Your mouth dropped open, shock written all your face. The mocking, you definitely weren’t used to it. You hated to lean into the spoiled stay at home wife trope, but you were used to people folding at you, kissing your ass based on the family that you happened to marry into.

“Excuse m—”

“I’m friends with Steve,” he spit out, smiling even wider at the wide eyes you gave him. “Eddie. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance.”

His hand shot out to shake yours, dropping slowly as you just stared down at it. You could drop the act now, realizing that this man had to have been telling the truth. You hadn’t heard anyone call your husband by his first name in years, ‘Harrington’ being the only calling card.

You took a sip of the dark alcohol in your grasp, glancing away from him as you rested a hand on your hip. His eyes chose to linger over your body, cleavage exposed through your lounge wear. Huffing, you pulled the cover up closed once more, warmth tinging your cheeks.

“And your business here is? If you knew Steve, you would know he doesn’t just invite friends over.”

“Oh, uhm,” Eddie took a step closer to you, standing side to side as he began to point over the yard. You suddenly noticed the clipboard and phone in his other hand. “I’m the new groundsman, taking over the landscaping, plans for the new yard, the whole lot.”

Ah. That did sound somewhat familiar, mentioned somewhere between the bottles of Dom Perignon you and your best friend shared the other week over a FaceTime call with Steve.

He turned towards you again, his eyes wandering for the thousandth time. You couldn’t tell if the heat was making your robe slip a little looser or if the wine was truly getting to you.

“You must be the wife,” Eddie smiled, toothy grin settling over his face as he held eye contact. In the length of this interaction, the sun has began to dip lower in the sky. You got a good look at him, not seeing any obvious similarities on how he would be friends with your husband, in any universe. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Define a lot,” another sip of your wine down the hatch. The double pour was nearly gone by now.

“Woman of the house.” He took a step closer to you, pushing the clipboard down in front of him. “Takes care of things for Stevie over here.” The tone of his voice shifted. “Could get terribly lonely sometimes.”

The concept of looking and not touching was getting a little harder for you. Gasping, you turned towards the house, downing the last of your beverage.

“I’m going to get more.”

You took a few steps towards the house before briefly turning your body to him. He was watching your movements, head tilted to the side slightly as he stared down at the sway of your hips.

“Are you coming or not?”

He was quick on his feet, tracking you on your heels as the two of you made your way up the grand entrance. The coolness of the house, covered in marble and white instantly taming the heat taking over your body. Eddie let out a low whistle, his neck craning up to stare at the high ceilings, chandelier hanging above the entry way. Everything about the place was pristine and huge, money screaming even the gloss of paint covering from the walls.

The sound of his boots were loud following your bare feet, making his way into the kitchen behind you.

“Nice one, Steve,” Eddie laughed to himself, shaking his head. You went over to the wine rack on one end of the kitchen, ripping off a bottle without even glancing at the label. Another crystal glass followed, you placing it in front of the man before you.

His finger was running along the marble countertops, his eyes wide as he studied the detail. Just as you went to pour a glass for him, his hand shot out.

“Oh no, hun. I can’t do wine,” he rushed, a smile on his face. You ignored the nickname, hand paused as the bottle was tilted in the air. Staring up at him, your face was emotionless.

“Sober?”

He opened his mouth to speak, cutting himself off with a laugh. “Not exactly. Just makes me… a little reckless,” he finished, placing the clipboard down on the counter.

A smirk of your own crossed your lips before you poured the glass anyways, sliding it over to him once a hefty serving was in front of you. He shook his head as he reached for it despite his own words, swallowing down a gulp.

The two of you stood in silence, devious looks in your eyes. You let your eyes wander over him, taking in the white shirt he wore, how it hugged him just right. It felt wrong, thinking of your husband’s friend like this. It had been so long since any type of male interaction, you couldn’t help but feel tempted.

“Babe?”

You jumped where you stood, your topped off glass fumbling in your fingertips. Your best friend appearing around the corner, her loafers sounding out through the corridors.

“Robin, Jesus Christ—”

She stopped just as she rounded the corner, eyes darting in between the two of you. The look she gave you made you speechless, her all knowing eyes saying everything she needed to.

“And you are…?”

Eddie put down his glass, a glance thrown in your direction once more before he took a few steps towards Robin. She squared up her shoulders, amusement on her face.

“Leaving,” he smiled, passing her. You and the other girl in the room watched him making his way over to the main corridor. He turned to you one last time before disappearing. “Mrs. Harrington, it was a pleasure, hun.”

He disappeared, a wink thrown in your direction. Your breath caught in your throat at his last move, shaky hands bringing the glass of alcohol to your lips.

“Hun??” Robin questioned once the front door slammed behind him. She came to your side, eyebrows raised behind her wispy bangs. “Hun!”

Rolling your eyes, you pushed the fingers away from you as she pulled on the hem of your robe.

“Rob—please.”

“Uh uh, babe. We’re going to talk about this,” she laughed, taking the glass from your fingertips. She took her own swig, grimacing at the bitter taste.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

A dead pan look covered her. “All I’m saying is Harrington better watch out. He’s got some competition.”

You laughed bitterly at her words, taking a seat at one of the bar chairs. It was cool against your exposed legs, the heat from the moment finally drifting from them.

“Well, Harrington,” you mocked the last name she used, the both of you realizing if anyone had the right to call him Steve, it was her. “Was the one who hired him, new house job or whatever.”

“Consider that a gift,” she shrugged, laughing loudly as you shoved her shoulder. Heat pooled at your cheeks (and between your legs).

“Robin!”

“I’m just saying! He probably put an ad in the paper or something: Lonely Housewife Looking to Fuck.”

You dropped your head in your hands, laughter bubbling out at her words. She couldn’t get more ridiculous than this. A gasp left your mouth, your eyes peaking between the spaces of your fingers as you looked at her.

She was looking at the clipboard he had forgotten, a scrap of paper on top of the various items.

“I’d dust off the cobwebs, babe,” she giggled, sliding over the board to you. You peaked down at what was written, your heart racing at the scribble next to his number.

‘For the lonely wife. We could talk business. xx Eddie.’

It had gotten interesting the last few weeks, the second story window becoming your favorite spot to watch Eddie work in the yard. The sweltering heat was your best friend behind the AC of your home, choosing to enjoy the way Eddie looked in the Indiana heat. Tight tank tops, tattoos exposed, hair pulled to the back of his head with loose curls framing his face.

He barked off orders to his crew, always cracking jokes with them, teeth bared in a grin. He was clearly a joy to be around, spreading humor to even you from yards away.

It was a cat and mouse game you could call it, Eddie clearly showing off his muscles and sex appeal while you played the other side, risking just how little of clothing you could get away with inside the comfort of your own home. You passed in front of windows, dropping the shoulders of your silk robes as you pretended to get distracted, bending over to grab ‘forgotten’ items on the floor.

You knew he knew what you were doing. He was aware of it the entire time, his own smiles thrown in your direction as you began to push your limits of what could be acceptable for looking, and not touching.

The shrill ringing of the FaceTime call brought you out of your observations, Steve’s contact appearing on screen. You slid open the call, smiling brightly when his face appeared, styled hair, button down open, exposing that silver chain and his chest full of hair.

“There’s my handsome boy,” you beamed, blowing a kiss to the screen. Steve smiled brightly, pressing his lips to the camera.

“And my beautiful wife,” he cooed, holding up the camera wide to give you a view of him. He was on a coast somewhere, Mediterranean. The view was beautiful, waves crashing as the sun was nearly gone from the sky.

“What are you up to, my love?”

You glanced out the window at Eddie, noticing his crew was gone. He stood alone in the center of the yard, taking a look at the landscaping design prints.

“Just… relaxing,” you let the camera show you resting against the window seat in your room, lingerie on display. The camera only showed a flash of your cleavage before you brought the camera back up, a shy, yet devious look on your face.

“What do y—oh.”

It was quick, the way Steve moved. Your phone screen showed a blur of Steve’s clothing, the sound of his footsteps, and the sliding of a glass door before he was shown again on the screen, his hair fanning out on a pillow on a bed.

“Tell me more.”

From the angle, you could tell that Steve had began to touch himself at the thought of you. You showed more of yourself, manicured hand beginning to run down your chest, trailing down your stomach to rest on the front of your panties.

It had been months since you last did this over the phone, the timing always so wrong or one of you not in the mood or always something.

“Thinking of you, Steve.”

It couldn’t be a lie if you were omitting part of the truth. He didn’t need to know you were thinking about Eddie as well.

“Fuck.”

The phone dropped against his chest, showing black before he picked it up again, a flushed look on his face. You giggled slightly, spreading your legs against the window bench as you showed more of yourself. Your hand slipped down the front of your underwear, teasing slightly as you ran the pads of your fingertips against your clit.

“Wish I was there with you, baby,” Steve sighed, eyes closed as slick noise began to be heard through the phone. You brushed your clit harder, whimpering as you thought of your husband touching himself to the thought of you.

Glancing out the window, Eddie was still distracted, back turned towards you. Your eyes squeezed shut as you dipped a finger lower, entering yourself.

“I miss you so much, Steve,” a whine left your throat. He let out a shuddered moan.

“You miss me, baby?”

Nodding, you pushed in another finger, the sound of your own slick filling your eyes. Pleasure began to course through you, an ache settling at your core.

“What do you miss the most?”

His tooth was dug into his bottom lip, a fucked out look on his face from his own hand. You could only imagine how he was feeling, achingly hard across the world from his wife who just looked so tempting.

“I miss your—fuck Steve—I miss your cock,” a whimper fell from you, your chest heaving as your fingers crooked against that spot deep inside you. You weren’t going to last long, this feeling had been building inside you for weeks.

“Oh my G—”

Steve’s side of the phone fell once again, a loud groan heard before the call dropped, the dial tone loud in the room. Tears pricked in your eyes as you tossed your phone to the side, leaning your head against the window as you looked down in the yard once more, fingers moving swiftly in and out of your wetness.

You had an audience now.

Eddie was staring up at you, look of shock on his face as he held the plans in his hand. A look from him alone was all you needed before coming, pussy throbbing around your digits, legs squeezing shut.

It was the most intense orgasm you had in a while, your body tensing up with release as pleasure washed over you. It took a moment before you came to, fingers leaving your core as you brushed once, twice more over your clit, riding out the feeling.

You didn’t have the nerve to look outside again, shame washing over you as you realized what had just happened.

Phone ringing once again, your shaky hand reached over the grab it, answering it to see Steve, face flushed and lip bitten red on the other end.

“I’m sorry, baby—This fucking service over here, I’m sorry,” he rushed, eyes apologetic. That puppy dog look you fell for was staring at you, grainy as his phone struggled to keep up. “Did you—”

You barely nodded, eyes hooded while you came down from your high.

“Babe, it’s okay.”

“No, I just—I’m sorry.”

“Steve,” he cut off his rambling as you gave him a stern look. You really did run things around the Harrington home. “I’m okay, really.”

“I love you.”

You smiled, blowing him another kiss. “I love you t-”

A male’s voice called from his end of the phone, immediately distracting both you and your husband. Sighing, you knew what was coming.

His face was sincere as he turned back to you, lips fixed in a pout.

“I gotta—”

You waved him off, sitting up slightly as you closed the silk around your frame. “Yeah, yeah, go handle business, Harrington.”

That’s why he loved you. No matter how much this truly did affect you, and how much you wished you could have more than a 10 minute call, you always were so supportive. He did support the lifestyle that you always dreamed of, even if it did come with certain circumstances that weren’t ideal.

“I love you, baby.” He moved to hang up the phone, pausing before ending the call. “Tell Ed I said hey, by the way.”

You swore your heart stopped beating in that moment as he left.

You had resorted to staying inside, avoiding Eddie and his crew that occupied your lawns during the day hours. The deep insides of your home without windows facing them became your isolation points. It was everything and more for you to avoid him, guilt creeping into the pit of your stomach.

You'd even gone as far as avoiding Robin and her prying eyes. She had known something was going on with you, felt it deep in her soul. That woman knew you like the back of her hand, could recognize every shift of emotion you'd experience, knew something had gone down between the two of you even if touching wasn't necessarily involved.

("Is there something wrong, babe? You've barely touched your Pomerol." The eye roll you gave her could win awards.)

It was like something shifted in the air, grey clouds pulling in and thunder rumbling so hard, you could feel it in your chest. The next time you happened to pass in front of the foyer window you had seen that Eddie and his crew were quickly gone, not expecting the change in weather events.

Relaxation began to sag its relief at your shoulders, no longer feeling like a prisoner in your own home. It was a long time coming, you hadn't felt this much relief in your system since that after that Hargrove heir you briefly dated back in '06.

A knock pulled you out of your thoughts, Robin's image immediately popping up into your mind. It was probably time for her to finally confront you, bring Steve into it somehow and blame the Benzos for acting the way you had been lately. (It had nothing to do with it.)

You threw open the door, the weight of it slightly swinging your body. Your eyes didn't meet the person at first, an infamous eye roll already on the verge, "Rob, I don’t want to t—Oh."

It was Eddie in all his glory, T-shirt glued to his body from the rain that began to pour, curls beginning to hang loosely from the bun he wore, cheeks red and flushed. He breathed heavy upon seeing you, a smile ghosting his lips.

"Hi, hun," his voice was low, a slight hint of something in it.

You didn't know what to say, glancing behind you as if there was anyone to catch you for even thinking terrible thoughts. His eyes followed yours.

"Well, can I come in?"

"Oh." You swung the door a little wider, cringing at the way his work boots tracked in water from outside.

He shook out his hair like a dog, the droplets dampening you from afar. You didn't have the nerve to say anything to him, gobsmacked from the fact he was in front of you like a Greek God, beautiful as ever, but tempting in the worst way possible.

"I got stuck outside... truck wouldn't start," he explained, looking around the house as if it were the first time that he was in here. The realization of the scene in front of you finally caught up, you rushing to action to try and be the welcoming host that you always were.

"I think... here, come, Steve should have something you could change into," you said, beginning to lead him upstairs. You stopped at the base of the spiral staircase, pointing at his boots. "You better not."

He beamed at your words, quirking his eyebrow at you as if you said the funniest thing ever. Toeing them off quietly, he then followed your lead to your upstairs bedroom. He stared at you all while doing it, the tension in the room growing even at the thought of him undressing even slightly.

The track there felt like you were walking the green mile, Eddie close behind you as you lead him to the walk-in closet. He was silent, the only sounds of his breathing giving him away.

Back to him, you opened the panel hiding Steve's lounging clothes, rows of white and creme and pastel materials appearing. You felt his presence behind you, something like a predator creeping on its prey.

"I think he's—what are you, a size f—" Your breath hitched on your throat as you felt his fingers touch your forearms, guiding your hands down from the clothing.

His lips brushed the cartilage of your ear, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine. Tilting your head to the side, your eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of him finally touching you.

His hand trailed up your arm, snaking around your exposed neck, a light kiss being pressed to the skin in front of your ear. You leaned your head back against him, a cut off groan leaving you as you relished in this moment.

"I've been waiting on this, hun," He whispered, reaching one hand down to your waist to pull you flush against him.

You gasped at the feeling of him against your backside, his body just as firm as you expected. The other hand cupped against the bottom of your chin, tilting your head back even further so his lips could press into the junction of your neck.

"You've looked so good," he continued. "So tempting."

Your hands reached up to grab at his arm, your ass pushing even further into him. He walked backwards with you in his grasp, falling against the large ottoman in the center of the closet. It was big enough to seat the two of you, his large frame sprawled in the center of it while you sat petite in his lap, legs on either side of his, back pressed into his chest.

"I can't believe Stevie leaves you here. All alone. So vulnerable."

A whimper left your mouth as he leaned back slightly, pulling you with him. The hand that was once around your waist snaked down to your front, dipping down into the front of your silk sleep shorts.

"Eddie." You whimpered, his name coming out in a choke as he ghosted over your clit.

He was teasing in his movements, bringing you right to the precipice of pleasure. The second he got close to pressing down firm and just right, he would remove his touch, only to ghost down lower to tease your dampening hole.

"What do you need?"

You groaned, spreading your legs further as he continued in his movements. Knowing exactly what he wanted, you wanted to refuse to give in, refuse to have yourself beg for him. But it had been months after all, the only human touch you'd experience was from yourself.

"I need you."

It was a quiet whine into the room, almost inaudible behind the heavy breathing. That one word was all that he needed, his hand fully pressing into your cunt, swirling your clit in a way that had your head spinning.

The choked sob that left your mouth earned a groan of his own, loud and just as wanting as your own. Your head was leaned back against him, your neck exposed, mouth wide open and turned towards the ceiling.

Eddie's mouth was sucking and licking along your neck, his heavy breathing tickling at your spine as he dipped a finger to press into you, thumb circling your clit. The digit stretched you wide, wetness pooling down onto his hand.

"You get this wet just for me?"

Your hips were grinding against his hand, wanting more from him as he finger fucked you.

"Eddie please."

"I know, hun, I know." He removed his hand from you, standing you up and off his lap. You whimpered at the loss of contact, squeezing your legs together as he was sprawled in front of you.

He reached his hands towards you, stopping at the hem of your tank top to pull it up and over you, exposing your naked breasts to him. A glimmer of arousal appeared in his eyes, his teeth dug into his bottom lip as he stared at your chest, hand reaching up to cup at the globes. Leaning up, he took one nipple into his mouth from his seated position, licking and sucking at the hardened nub.

It was like you found yourself in heaven, sudden pleasure finding you all at once. Tangling your fingers in his hair, you pulled him into your chest even further, whining at the contact of his mouth on your skin.

He traded onto the other nipple, squeezing the abandoned one between his fingers. He moaned in between the loud sucking, making a show of how much he loved the taste of you.

Pulling away, his fingers found the hem of your shorts. The material pooled down at your feet, your stark nakedness becoming apparent in the giant room against his clothed body.

He drank you in, his eyes roaming your body as you stood in front of him.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he groaned, shaking his head in disbelief.

He reached down to his pants, unbuttoning the jeans and sliding down the zipper ever so slowly. It was torture, watching him undress himself, the slide of his jeans down his legs, dropping down to his ankles with his boxers to follow.

He pulled his shirt over his head, spreading his legs wide as he leaned back on the ottoman. His cock was fully free, springing to full attention as he took a hold of it. Dropping your eyes down to ogle at the sheer beauty of it, head dripping wet with precum, long and thick with a vein running down the middle.

Eddie smirked at your fascination, ushering you closer to him with the curve of his finger.

You took a seat on his lap, legs caging him in as you settled over his cock, head pressing at your entrance. As he pressed in slightly, your eyes bulged slightly, realizing that in no way you were not prepared for his size.

His lips pursed into a shushing motion, "Shh, hun, it's okay."

He guided your hips down onto him, pressing deep into you. The feeling of his cock split you wide open, a strained moan pouring out of you. Your fingers wrapped around his neck, gripping at him to ease the stretch you were feeling.

Giving you only a second of breathing time, he gripped at your waist, urging you up and down on his shaft, thrusting into you shallowly.

He hit you deep, hitting every spot you forgot was inside of you, pleasure creeping through your body.

"F-fuck Eddie," your moans were load in the room, the sound of his balls hitting against your ass growing louder as he became more brutal in his movement.

Pulling you against him, he slotted his lips with yours, harshly nipping at the skin, sinking his teeth into your lips, sucking your tongue into his mouth. You were lost in the pleasure, soaking wet around him as he fucked into you.

His fingers were splayed across your hips, dipping onto the curve of your ass as you bounced on his cock. Your orgasm was approaching quick, a lot quicker than you had imagined.

"You wanna cum for me, babe?" He mouthed against you, lips not leaving yours as your vision began to fog.

The curve of his cock hit your spongey wall repeatedly, urging completion suddenly. Your body began to tense up, legs shaking as you approached your high, cock-drunk on this feeling.

"Eds, I'm go—"

Your orgasm washed over you, tensing your spine as he fucked you through it, clit throbbing as it brushed that thatch of hair as the base of his cock. He was quick to follow, pulling out just in time to come over you, painting white over the bottom of your stomach.

It was messy, dripping over the two of you as the come down approached you. You took a moment, breathing deeply as your eyes briefly shut, head falling against his shoulder while you relaxed into him.

He was breathless, wrapping his arms around you to settle into your lap.

"I've been waiting on this a while," he admitted, sighing deep into your neck. You nodded at his words, agreeing, yet speechless for the mind-blowing orgasm you had just experienced.

He leaned back, pressing a small kiss to your mouth before looking into your eyes, head leaning against your own.

"Round two? I could use a shower."

He laughed at your words, shock evident in his eyes at your boldness, but jumping at the opportunity, throwing your body over his shoulder like you weighed nothing.

As the dreary weather settled outside, you couldn't be more thankful for the turn of events. There was a long night ahead of you.

The morning light crept through the drawn curtains, your naked body sprawled out against the white sheets. Drawing slowly into consciousness, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes, reaching beside you.

The bed was cold, Eddie's figure obviously missing from your side for who knows how long.

Memories of last night came flooding back to you, the positions that he had you in bringing out the soreness in your body. There were visions of you propped up against the shower wall, your legs thrown over his shoulders, pressed to your chest, orgasm after orgasm pulled from you, until you couldn't give any more.

Draping the bed sheet around your naked body, you sat up in bed, perking up at the smell of fresh coffee brewing. There was a skip in his step as you heard him coming down the hall, energy coming back to you as you imagined what was to come, breakfast in bed, getting bent in between courses.

Your smile dropped from your face as you saw him, large cup in hand as he made his way into the room. Steve.

His perfectly styled brown hair, that charming smile as he stared at you, raising his eyebrows as he saw you relaxed in bed. Your nakedness seemed like a lot, even in the privacy of your own shared bedroom.

"There's my girl," he smiled, placing the mug down on the bedside table before leaning over to press a kiss to your forehead. Your hand subconsciously came up to cover the side of your neck, dark purple bruises had to have been there from the events of last night.

"S-Steve, what are you doing here?"

He fake pouted, a scoff leaving his mouth. "Three months, and that's all you got?"

The sudden realization that your husband was right here hit you, a smile crossing your features as you wrapped your arms around him. He collapsed on top of you, laughing loudly as you attacked him with kisses, your lips covering every inch of skin that you could find.

"Relax, relax," he cackled, pressing his own kisses to you in between attacks.

Pulling away, he took a good look at you, the most loving smile covering his face. Guilt found you, pooling deep in your chest and the pit of your stomach. Your loving husband, being away to support you, only to come home and find his wife in this position, a classic case of infidelity.

"Steve," your voice fell short as you stared into his auburn eyes. His brow furrowed, his thumb coming up to swipe at your eyebrow, smoothing the crinkled skin.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"I just—" Cue the dramatics. Tears began to well in your eyes as you processed the situation, he didn't deserve this. There was nothing he could do to calm you down, the hitching of your breath in your throat, the choked sob leaving your mouth as you struggled over the words to say.

"Did you miss me that much?"

You choked even harder at his words, pulling you into his arms as your vision became blurry. It was getting even worse for you.

"Baby..." There was a warning tone in his words, his patience growing thin as you wouldn't let up. You brought yourself together, hiccuping slightly as you stared up into his eyes. Your mouth opened and closed, the words to say leaving you.

You didn't need to say anything as his eyes finally decided to trail lower than your face, noticing the dark bruises forming along the side of your neck. His eyebrows raised slightly as the rest of his face remained emotionless, his thumb tracing over the skin.

"I don't know what to say," you said, hanging your head away from him. You couldn't look him in the eyes as he studied the hickies left behind from Eddie.

"I see you got my present," he whispered, running the pad of his finger over your neck.

Your head shot up to look at him, eyes wide and confused.

"You-what are you...? Steve—what?" You didn't know what to say to him, confused on what was even happening right now. He was so stoic, you couldn't read him. His eyes found yours, humor in his eyes.

"Eddie. My present."

There was a moment of silence as you processed his words, memories of the past few weeks knowing the mentioned man passing through your mind. Realization hit you, knowing that this man in front of you was so calculated, everything had to have been him.

"Why didn't you say anything!" You wanted to kill him, but wanted to kiss him at the same time.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," he shrugged, smirking at you as relief crossed over your face. You wiped the hot tears that had streaked your cheeks, embarrassed of the thought you could even betray him.

"How did you even—are you sure this wasn't a test I just failed?"

He laughed at your words, shaking his head as he pressed a kiss to your temple. "I promise, baby."

You sighed in relief as he kissed you, fingers underneath your chin to pull you closer into him. Kissing this man felt like a dream that would've never came true, a surprise of your life time brought to its fullest extent.

His mouth was as soft as you remembered, taste as sweet as the last time. All those months of anticipation were worth the wait, feeling like it was truly nothing.

He leaned over your body, pressing you down into the mattress as the sheet began to fall away from your body. With your fingers pulling open the button down he wore, his chest became exposed, firm muscle rippling underneath your touch.

"You beat me to it, Stevie."

A gasp left you as you pulled away from your husband, head craning towards the door. Eddie stood in the frame, white bath towel draped loosely over his hips, hair dripping wet from a shower. He took in the sight of the two of you tangled on the bed, Steve's shirt hanging half off of him, the sheet gone from your body.

Glancing up at the man above you, you saw the smirk he was giving Eddie, canines exposed. It was like you were looking at someone completely different from the man you've known for years, an evil, sexually driven person in front of you.

"You going to stand there, Munson or...?"

With a smirk of his own, he was headed over to you two, towel dropping from his body. His cock was already hard and heavy between his legs, dripping with anticipation as he threw himself on the bed. Immediately, his hands found your body, headed straight towards your hard nipples with his mouth quick to follow.

A strangled moan escaped you as the shock settled over, Steve leaning up on his knees to get rid of his pants.

The belt was thrown across the room, his eyes not leaving the two of you once as he undressed.

"Wait—" You breathed, pushing Eddie off of you. The two men stared down at you, scared of your next move, that you would end whatever this was right now. You looked towards Steve, eyebrows raised. "Are you okay with this?"

Steve's eyebrows raised as he glanced in between the two of you, his hand pulling his dick out of his boxers, pushed down to his thigh. Your eyes dropped down to take view, mouth watering at the sight.

"Let's just say... we have a history of sharing."

He winked at Eddie before diving between your legs, nose immediately pressed to your cunt. You didn't have time to even think about what he said, figuring that it was a topic to explore at a much later time.

His tongue quickly found your clit, circling the nub before licking up the length of your slit. Your thighs squeezed the side of his head, a whine filling the room as Eddie sat up to stare at the show. His own hand tangled in Steve's mane, pulling him closer to you as he sopped you up. The groan he let out vibrated against your core, urging another wave of wetness out of you.

"F-fuck Ste-"

You couldn't even get the words out as his finger pressed at your hole, pushing in a single digit. It curled against your wall, pressing into your pleasure point. Your head was thrown back into the pillows against the headboard, white hot pleasure tingling at your spine.

Eddie leaned down to lick at your nipple, eyes intently watching Steve suck at your cunt, chin growing more wet from your juices.

"Baby-please-"

He nodded, glancing up to make eye contact with the two of you. Not moving, he inserted another finger into you, moving at a faster pace. You whimpered even louder, spreading your legs wider to get him deeper inside of you.

"You want to share?" Eddie laughed, sitting up to stroke at his hard cock. A pearl of white beaded at the tip, squeezed out by the cuff of his hand.

Steve smirked around your clit, pulling away at the retort as he pulled you up to meet him. Turning you around, you were maneuvered to your hands and knees, ass pressed into the air. He ran the head of his cock against your hole, dragging it up over your ass and back down to your cunt, pressing at the sensitive hole.

Hissing at the feeling, you were still sore from the multiple rounds you went with Eddie the previous night.

"You had her all night, 's my turn, Munson," Steve breathed, pressing to the hilt in a smooth motion. The two of you groaned as he fully pressed into you. He paused in his movements, hand pressed to the small of your back as you both adjusted.

Eddie shrugged, moving in front of you with his legs splayed wide open, hand stroking his shaft.

You knew what to do, leaning down onto your elbows to take the head of his cock into your mouth, sucking at it. His hand gripped the back of your head, pushing you down farther than you expected. The gag that left your mouth filled the room, catching Steve off guard as his hips stuttered inside of you.

"Watch it," he hissed, pausing only slightly before pulling out and pressing back in all the way. His cock had a curve in it, damn near pressing into your cervix as he fucked you.

Eddie was smirking, hand still on your head as you began to bob your head up and down, hollowing your cheeks.

You were so filled on both ends, you were seeing stars. Both men in your presence were making you feel like you had lost it, the heavy alcohol consumption over the past few months maybe had really gotten to you.

Your hand trailed off of Eddie's dick, dropping down to cup at his balls, rolling them between your fingers. Eddie's head fell against the headboard, his hips stuttering as you took him into your mouth.

With every thrust of Steve's hips, you were rocked into the tattooed man in front of you, choking down further and further. It was all becoming a little too much, both holes being filled beyond your limits.

"Just like that, baby, fuck," Steve moaned, hand inching up your spine to rest at the top of your spine. He leaned over, forcing your legs a little wider so his cock pressed even further into you. His hand found the base of your neck, pushing your head even further onto Eddie.

The motion had Eddie groaning, hips suddenly spilling as he came, warm liquid spurting down your throat. It had you choking, pulling off of him in time for it to spill out of your mouth, dripping back down onto him. The entire moment was so dirty, so filthy, it caused a chain reaction, Steve pressing into you once, twice more before cumming deep.

You pulsed around him, squeezing tight as your own orgasm took over you. For a split moment, you think you passed out, vision blurring, going black briefly before you came to, laying down on your stomach, legs shaking.

Your hand came to wipe at your eyes, tears pooling at the corners from the high you just experienced. There was no way you were coming down from this, the purest form of pleasure you think you'd ever experienced.

Eddie was leaning against the headboard, cock swelling down after his spend, his hand running over your skin as you leaned against his thigh. Steve was half way on you, his own breath catching from the high.

"You okay there, hun?"

Eddie's voice was raspy, his eyes wandering over you and your husband. Nodding, you threw him a shaky thumbs up, not finding the words to even utter a syllable.

Steve laughed, running his hand over your spine. It found the base of your spine, squeezing the globe of your ass.

"I think she will be after a few more rounds."

nothing more. all I have to say on this. hope you guys enjoyed this lengthy piece of pure smut. lol xx

masterlist. <3

[thegoldheartlocketandkey-blog]

It’s been made pretty clear by the fandom, not just Buddie Shippers, that we aren’t really fans of who Buck and Eddie end up with in the finale.

The biggest issue I have with the pairings is that they weren’t worked up, they kind of just showed up and we have no reason to care about them.

If these women are supposed to be endgame, at least give us ample reason to support the choice.

Natalia: They really screwed up her character because there was so much potential in making her interesting and someone we would like to get to know. She’s a death dula and Buck died. Instead of having her tell Buck that it’s so “cool” that he died they could of had her play an active role in having him process his death. I mean they still have the opportunity to do that but after they gave us a cringe date, a recycled story line, but with less depth, they gave us too many reasons to dislike her as a character for me to even see that play out.

They made the same mistake they made with Lucy. Instead of having Natalia be a friend to Buck they force her to be a love interest which adds nothing new to bucks character.

But imagine Buck’s character development if Natalia was a friend. He would have gone from Buck 1.0 ( The guy who only does hook ups), to Buck 2.0 (the guy who just ends up in relationships) to Buck 3.0 (the guy who chooses himself and is able to be friends with a woman).

We can also address the fact that there is a lack of chemistry between Buck and Natalia. The kiss in the finale was awkward and not in a cute endearing way. I will say, I love that she doesn’t look like she could be related to Buck. I’m willing to see their relationship play out during season 7, but I just can’t see it being the end game.

Marisol: Where did she come from. What do you mean this is the girl that has Eddie acting like a middle schooler. She came out of nowhere and we know almost nothing about her, besides the fact that she fixes her brother’s mistakes.

I rewatched Season 6, Episode 5: Home Invasion, where we are first introduced to Marisol and after watching the episode, I believe the fan theory that her brother’s rescue was originally written as a boyfriend being rescued. But after the scenes where already filmed, the writers decided she’d be the love interest so they re-recorded the audio of the scene. I’m serious go back and watch her emergency, there is something off about it.

Marisol to me feels like another Ana. No substance, no reason for me to care about her. They both barely interacted, so their phone call makes less sense the more you think about it.

The same episode where Eddie is told he can’t look for love, he finds what he’s “been looking for”. This feels like Eddie is again only doing what he thinks he is supposed to do. Instead of processing his feelings of loneliness, he’s doing what he thinks the world expects him to do and date someone. He married Shannon because he felt like he had to. He stayed with Ana because he thought it was best for Christopher. And he’s settling for Marisol because he doesn’t want to be alone. None of those reasons are good reasons to pursue someone for a serious relationship.

It’s one thing to have Eddie date because he wants to be outside his comfort zone, meet people, and have fun. It’s a completely other thing to have him date because he feels like he needs to.

The only way to make Marisol a good character is by having her be a person that helps Eddie figure that out. She helps him realize that it’s not just about the end game, but his ability to just enjoy her company and not so worried about what the end result. She can just be someone he dates because she was fun to date. A relationship that shows him that you can have someone be an important part of your journey, but not your end game. Like a summer fling.

Given the fact that the actress who plays Marisol recently reposted a transphobic meme and couldn’t even attempt a sincere apology, I hope we don’t get to see her at all in season 7. She can be explained away by Eddie mentioning her once and just saying it felt promising but she just wasn’t the one. I have no interest in see their relationship play out.

Buddie: In my opinion, the best match for Buck and Eddie will always be each other. The writers have their relationship set up as the perfect slow burn, friends to lover scenario. And even though they screwed up the finale a bit, they can easily correct their wrongs. Buck and Eddie’s chemistry is undeniable and having them end up together would play into their individual story lines so perfectly.

I need this relationship that has developed organically to flourish in Season 7.

I will continue to manifest Buddie and let me use this moment to state couch theory is not dead. Buck will just need to get rid of another couch.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Any chance you're working on a mini meta about the color of their clothes (from the most recent videos) too? 🤞♥️ It will be awesome if you do it 🥹

Hey Nonnie - and all the other Nonnie’s who’ve been asking about the ‘matching costumes’ as well!

I hadn’t been planning on doing a mini meta as it’s really hard to write them this early in the season when we have pretty much zero context (it’s always easier when we’ve seen at least an episode so we have the beginnings of things to go on as costumes are meant to work within scenes and arcs and not in isolation!) but I do have a few thoughts and as you asked so nicely, I will say a few things about what we have so far!

Firstly I would like to point out to all those shouting about Buck and Eddie matching - whilst that is technically true for the brown costumes, it is not true for the other non uniform costumes we’ve seen them in. The other thing about the matching is that we don’t actually have any context for those costumes at all - they may not be shooting the same scene, just using the same rest area between takes on two different sets within the same stage - which is common. If they are for the same scene I will happily write about the meaning of them both being in brown and what that means, but for right now I’m not going there!

Ok now onto the brown of it all!!

Brown my beloved colour - a seemingly uninteresting colour, it actually has a lot to say. We have Buck in this rich chocolaty brown and Eddie in this lighter brown with a pinkish undergone to it!

Brown in the most general of terms is a colour of resilience, strength and dependability and can be seen as a warm colour. It plays into the concept of ‘down to earth’ and simplicity. But it does also have some negative traits as well - loneliness, isolation and devoid of life.

Now with where we left Buck and Eddie at the end of season 7, both aspects of the colour come into play. The richness of Bucks shirt is generally one that leans into being a warm colour, one that is a symbol of strength and dependability - which if it is worn in a scene with Eddie it would make total sense and build off of the way we saw him standing just behind Eddie and putting a hand on his shoulder - being there for Eddie - showing support and strength, resilience and dependability! Its dark warm colour is a play on rich fertile earth - the kind that is good for plants to grow in. Which feels, to me at least, an accurate place for Buck to be in right now - he is ready for growth and at the same time able to support and be a source of strength.

Eddie’s, much lighter shade is much more in the washed out less fertile, more desert like. It’s a funny shade of brown to be honest - it does play into loneliness and isolation, it fits in with Eddie’s army theming as it’s very much in that camouflage army fatigue colour wheelhouse, whilst the pinkish undertones play into that theme from last season - the pink of naïveté - which I’m not going to lie, I am kind of delighted to see lurking there! All in all right now, to me it feels like it’s likely to be playing into that sense of isolation Eddie is experiencing that Ryan spoke about - an internalised isolation born out of blowing up your life - and combined with that army colouring plays very much into Eddie’s story arc - especially with the Shannon of it all and that sense of both of them being isolated from each other that we’ve seen played out as a running theme between them - especially when Eddie was in Afghanistan- it’s something to do with Eddie now truly being isolated from his past - that need to reckon with his demons and Shannon’s ghost and finally lay them to rest. Eddie was incredibly naïve toward the end of last season in thinking he could recreate what he had with Shannon with Kim - that pink undertone in this brown is the echo of that!

All in all I think them both having brown is an interesting choice thst has plenty of potential and plenty of possible meanings.

I’ve not thought in huge detail about what colour the show might play with as a running theme this season like the pink of last season or the light blue of season 6, but brown would be an interesting shout. Especially because we got this bts;

And bee sting allergic reaction guy is in brown - one much closer to Bucks brown shirt than Eddies and it’s making my brain buzz (pun very much intended 🐝😂)with excitement over the potential of brown - but I’m going to wait for more information - probably going to wait until at least after 8x01 - before I really go to town on how brown might fit with various arcs for all the characters for season 8!

I hope this sated your appetite for costume and colour theory things relating to Buck and Eddie for season 8!

[wibble-wobbegong]

Mike’s Romantic Hope

I’ve mentioned this topic in a couple of my other Mike analysis, but I really want to dive into the timeline of Mike’s journey with his romantic hope. More specifically, I want to address the hope he held at the end of S3 and the impact it had on his behavior in S4 as well as where he stands going into S5.

The Ending of S3

Now, I’m aware that this is popularly accepted as the point when Mike realized he had feelings for Will. It seems that way on the surface, but I heavily disagree with that theory and I’ll be working off my personal belief that he realized his feelings back in S2.

Acknowledging that Mike is well aware of his feelings for Will in S3, I’d like to step back to an important moment between Mike and Will before breaking down the ending.

The rain fight. As much as this gets discussed, I find it interesting how little the implications of this scene are talked about in regards to how Mike views his relationship with Will. We all know that Mike’s line about sitting in his basement and playing games for the rest of their lives was a moment of Mike projecting his owns wants onto Will.

The thing about that line is that we also know that the idea of playing games in his basement for the rest of their lives is much more than just the surface level implication. Games and childhood are both heavily tied to Mike and Will’s love for each other and the idea of doing that for the rest of their lives implies an “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” We especially see this in the way Mike reacts to the Byers’ moving, as he isolates himself and plays games in his basement alone with his drawings from Will around (he’s been going through them). I also believe that was when he realized that his feelings ran deeper than just a crush, that they were more than something he could get over by growing up. Those feelings were never something he’d simply be able to move past by trying to be normal.

So, Mike attaches his love to the idea of spending the rest of his life with Will in his basement playing games. How does this affect the way Mike views his relationship with Will? Will’s response to this accusation is to say that, yes, he does want that very same thing Mike is afraid of. He feels the exact same way, wants the exact same thing. Mike’s feelings are being reciprocated here, even as Will remains unaware of that.

Mike never gets the chance to talk about that fight with Will, apologize, or even really process it until the Byers have already moved away. He then goes through his period of isolation and realizes that he’s deeply, truly in love with Will in a way that cannot be ripped out of him no matter how hard he pulls. Between the move in July and the Byers return in October (to gather their things), Mike meets Eddie, who encourages him to accept his differences. Mike needed that sort of person in his life at the time, to tell him that his feelings were okay.

By the time October hits and the Byers have returned, there have been four important things established in Mike’s life:

1. He’s in love with Will.

2. Will seemed to feel the same way before he moved.

3. He’s taken steps towards accepting his sexuality.

4. He and El are broken up for good (it’s been four whole months).

At the end of season 3, these things are all true for Mike. These things come together to influence this scene:

He’s speaking in code, the same way Will was when he told him that he was ruining the party. What he’s asking here is more than just, “What if you find a new best friend?”

He’s also asking, “Do you still want to be a part of my party, where we sit in my basement and play games?”

He’s asking if Will still feels the way he felt before he moved, back before they fought. Mike, who realized with the dim light of his Nintendo and the loneliness of his now-empty basement that he is in love, is asking Will if he loves Mike too. Will isn’t aware of it because he isn’t aware of Mike’s feelings, but nonetheless he says it’s not possible for him to let those feelings go either.

Mike’s smile after that? Pure joy. I’m putting him in my pocket and taking him to see the wonders of the world.

This ends fantastically in Mike’s mind, and he approaches El and makes light-hearted conversation. He’s awkward about it, still a little insecure, but he’s being himself. El doesn’t shut him down this time. They’re broken up and it’s the best interaction they’ve had all season. Mike cringes at himself, but he’s making an effort to have a friendship with El even though they broke up.

And then El kissed him and confesses her love. After four months of being broken up.

Mike just got confirmation that Will feels something for him too, and now El has pulled him back into a relationship he can’t reject without breaking the promise he made El way back in S1. He promised her a romantic relationship, and promises are things he feels he can’t break. The situation has obviously grown more complex since then, including El’s crave for comfort after Hopper’s death and Mike being terrified of outing himself before he’s ready, but the result remains the same: Mike has to continue this relationship with El. It crushes him. He’s just gonna through a massive emotional realization and taken many baby steps forward, only to be pushed backwards.

Mike doesn’t want things to change again, he wants Will to stay and he wants to keep playing games in his basement with Will. He wants to be with Will, and that’s been ripped out of his hands.

And yet, Mike had no reason to think what Will said about his own feelings isn’t true. It hurts that much more because Mike had hope, still has hope, a hope he can’t chase after.

Impact on S4

That brings me to S4. How does Mike’s ending hope in S3 impact the way he acts in S4?

For starters, let me remind you that Mike believed Will was ignoring him for a vast majority of those six months between the October return and spring break. Will’s actions were directly contradicting his words, and if we know anything it’s that actions mean more than words. He’d promised that he wouldn’t move on, unintentionally said that he loves Mike too, and then is almost radio silent for six months. Almost all of Mike’s calls go unanswered. He likes a girl, now. Everything Mike is being led to understand goes directly against what Will told him.

When he gets to California, there’s a lot going through his head. There’s anger at being ignored, a longing for Will, jealousy of this girl El mentioned (Will bringing the painting did not help at all), butterflies at seeing how Will has changed, and nervousness around having to pretend to be happy with El again. He still has to keep up his role of the perfect boyfriend, the straightest boy on the planet, so everything ruminating around in his brain leads to the most awkward half-hug I’ve ever seen in my life.

That anger at being ignored grows even more when Mike still feels like he’s being ignored by Will at Rink-o-Mania, fueling the fire that will become their fight. Mike lists all these reasons he’s frustrated, and Will tries to explain them away and Mike isn’t having it (Mike actually squints at Will and raises his hands a little at this part, in a ‘are you serious?’ motion).

“Yeah, whatever man.”

The second part of the fight though is what really gets at Mike. When Will asks about them, asks, “What about us,” Mike reacts with romantic intention because, in his eyes, what’s happening is layered with his knowledge of both of them wanting to spend forever together, playing games in his basement. He’s still under the impression that Will moved on and found some girl in California to paint for instead of Mike. He’d fallen for some girl and moved on from Mike. But, the line catches his attention, because now Will is talking as though he doesn’t understand what happened to them. Mike’s demeanor changes completely for that split second.

Then, Will goes on and starts making claims that he thinks are fact, but Mike knows he’s wrong. Mike does care about what he has to say. He did try to call. Will brings up his letters to El, which Mike views as an inherently romantic thing, so he gets defensive. As much as Mike wanted to be with Will, he was still trying to be El’s boyfriend and keep himself safely in the closet. Mike expresses his frustration in the fact that Will never reached out either before cooling down and saying that they should just focus on finding El.

Mike’s perspective is interesting, especially when we see how he seems to contradict himself. He shows frustration at Will moving on, despite he himself continuing to pretend to date El. He’s angry that Will seemingly ignored him all day, but he continues to his behind the facade of El in that first part of their fight rather than approaching the root of the issue. Mike’s perspective would’ve been just as unreliable as Will’s is in this situation because of these contradictions. Neither of their perspectives will paint a full picture on their own (hence the choice of only letting us see Will’s perspective throughout S4).

Now, I’m gonna skip over his fight with El because this post is specifically about his romantic interest, so we’re jumping straight over to after he receives the letter “From, El.”

This isn’t technically a break up. As @heroesbyler pointed out in one of her posts, this is El telling Mike that she doesn’t love him either. They’ve reached an understanding that neither of them are in love with each other (a beautiful set-up for the SBP conversation. i love argyle but GOD DAMNIT). Even though he’s still technically in a relationship, he knows that El doesn’t love him romantically. That’s why I think he was suddenly so much flirtier than he was willing to be beforehand.

He no longer has to worry about hurting El by not being in love with her. A weight has been lifted off of him, and he’s suddenly more free to move in his own feelings. With the knowledge that Will never meant to ignore him, that the girl he thought Will liked was someone Will clearly would never like, and that he doesn’t need to worry about El, Mike is suddenly much more open to reconnecting with Will and flirting.

He’s a flirt here:

And here:

And I think this counts too (hand holding):

His belief that Will might feel the same is brought back to life and spurred on by their heart-to-heart in 4x04. Mike’s hope is alive and thriving. I think that the only reason he didn’t approach the topic of their relationship directly is because he was hyper-focused on saving El once Unknown Hero Agent Man tells the Cali group that El is in danger. Mike puts his friends’ safety above literally everything else, even his own life, so it makes perfect sense that he’d be more worried about finding El than having that conversation with Will. One of those could wait, the other could not.

The next step in this equation is the Van Scene. I have talked about it over, and over, and over, so I won’t delve into it here but Mike did understand Will I’m that scene and it gave him insurmountable amounts of hope.

Something I want to note, real quick, is that while Mike is no longer afraid of hurting El by not being in love with her, he’s still scared that she won’t want him around at all now that they’re broken up. He doesn’t see himself as valuable to her if he isn’t her boyfriend. Those ideas are coexisting, no contradicting.

All of this combined, Mike’s talk with El at the SBP would definitely have been a break-up talk. Mike’s face when El says that she misses him, not loves him, is so happy. El confirms that she still wants Mike around, but she isn’t taking back her stance about not being in love with him.

Mike’s at an all time high right now. He isn’t gonna lose El and he has no reason to doubt that Will loves him back. Things are going great.

“You’re the heart.”

That one line is all it takes to grind that hope into dust. Suddenly, Will doesn’t love Mike back. He was talking about El in the van. El still loves Mike, and not being in love with her would hurt her. She still needs him to be her boyfriend. It doesn’t make sense, but Mike doesn’t have time to question it, so he jumps into action and starts spewing ‘El’s’ words right back at her and throws in some things he’d used to communicate his love in the past. It’s all bullshit, and both Mike and El know that.

At the end of the season, Mike has no reason to believe Will loves him anymore. If he ever did at all. Yet, he’s still choosing to stand by Will’s side and letting El go because Mike is still very much so in love with Will. It couldn’t be torn out of him by growing up, and it won’t be torn out of him just because Will doesn’t feel the same.

Going Into S5

That’s where we’re starting S5 at. Mike has 0 reason to believe Will loves him back, but he’s gonna stay with him anyway. The ball is in Will’s court right now, but he doesn’t know it. Will is unaware of all of this which hurts even more. Miscommunication is such a bitch.

There are a lot of ways S5 could go with their relationship, but the painting fight is gonna be the trigger. Mike is gonna be so, so confused when El breaks up with him and he finds out that she had nothing to do with the painting. He just had all his hopes stomped on, and as stubborn as Mike is, that’ll be hard to come back from. Will has to admit that his feelings were disguised as El’s in order for them to move forward.

I’d have to be Dr. Strange or some shit to give you an accurate prediction of how their plot will go in S5, but I can say that Will has to make the first move and that Mike is gonna go through a shit storm of feelings about it all. All that on top of Eddie’s death, I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts isolating himself again. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s an actual divide driven between Will and Mike that only ~supernatural intervention~ could bring them back together, similar to lu/max this season.

Thank you for reading!!! I know it was a long one, but this is something I’ve been wanting to dig into for a while. I’m sorry if I sound like I’m repeating myself sometimes, it’s just that there are so many angles to come at these scenes and perspectives from. This is definitely one for my fellow mike enthusiasts though >:)

[watchoutforthefanfics]

achievement unlocked 🔓 (part four) || Streamer AU! Reddie (IT)

Part 1, 2, 3

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration: this prompt

Summary: Richie liked to play video games, and by some stroke of luck, it became his job. Being primarily known as Trashmouth on stream, he found his own little group of streamer friends and they became intertwined: The Losers Club. It never did feel quite complete, though. Well, until, he got his very own backseat gamer in chat.

TWs: innuendos, lots of talk of sex (it's Richie), vague mention of one night stands, low self-worth, a little angst, loneliness, imposter syndrome, cursing, and shameless flirting.

[[A/N: This series has a chokehold on me. I cannot stop writing it, seriously. I also cannot stop listening to BIRDS OF A FEATHER by Billie Eilish, so we're counting that as inspiration. Enjoy :))]]

It was a few days later (and Eddie's message was still bouncing around his head, even though they'd kept talking the whole time and moved on from it). Richie can't remember exactly what he'd said in response, but it was something pathetically embarrassing. Like maybe 'okay'.

He really didn't even have the guts to go back and check. (For reference, all he'd actually said was interesting. Can't tell if that's worse.)

Richie was supposed to stream today, but Bev wanted him on her stream. (Something about doing men's clothes). So, he changed plans. Posted on social media that he was, which probably meant both of their audiences would be watching. And while that was a little nerve-wracking, Richie was a natural on stream -it was kinda the place he felt the most like himself. Which was a little sad, he didn't think about it too much.

Anyway, it was about an hour before the stream and he was debating.

Beverly was busying herself with fabrics, holding them up against him from a distance.

Tell, or not to tell, tell, or not to tell, tell-

"Stop thinking so hard, you're going to hurt yourself."

Richie blinked, clearing his throat, and straightening his posture. Her eyes slinked along him for a second, curiously. It was only a matter of time before she figured him out (he was shockingly easy to read). She opened her mouth to say something-

Ding.

He grabbed his phone so fast that Bev no doubt saw it, and he didn't even think about that at all. He was really so fucked. Eddie had a strangely strong hold on him. He was always a dumbass (he'd been called clingy a lot) when it involved feelings though, so maybe it was normal for him.

e.kaspbrak

You're on Bev's today?

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

yeah she's gonna make some men's shit

and I'm a fucking model ✨️💅

e.kaspbrak

That's how you know she's low on options.

Richie laughed.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

u called me handsome eds

u made me this way

e.kaspbrak

You are handsome dickweed.

Your personality is the problem.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

awe spaghetti thinks I'm handsome 🤭🤭🤭

e.kaspbrak

You already knew that??

Or did you run out of memory in your brain? That would make a lot of sense too.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

i think you're a cutie patootie too eds 😘

e.kaspbrak

You're such a dick trashmouth.

"Whose that?"

Richie blinked again, the smile dropping from his face, "What?"

Bev was mindlessly folding and stacking fabric, really impressive that she could do that without even looking actually, "Who are you texting?"

"I'm just watching videos," he offered -weakly.

"Right," she laughed, stepping closer, "-without audio?"

He instantly reacted, more casually, "Bevvy, you might think I'm a dumbass, which to be fair I am, but I can read."

"Richie," she leveled, blue eyes staring.

He weighed his options.

"Okay, okay," he threw his hands up, "-it's Eddie."

"Eddie?" She questioned, now completely facing him.

"Like um," Richie rolled his lips through his teeth, hissing out a breath, "-like the one in my chat?"

"Oh, Eddie," she stressed out, "-you know I did notice a change in your streams, actually. How did you find him?"

"Don't judge me, but-" he spoke, a little hesitantly, "-internet stalking."

"No, I get that," Bev relayed, before clarifying, "-and you just... messaged him?"

"No, I accidentally liked a post and he messaged me."

She laughed a little, "That checks out, actually."

"Yeah," Richie added, "-I'm a dumb motherfucker."

"Only sometimes," she added, flawlessly, before moving closer -curious, "-is he cute?"

"Oh, so cute," he spoke, near instantly, through a rushed breath (he had been kinda holding this in), "-He's got these cute fucking freckles, and works on cars-"

"Is he gay?"

She followed up, a little concerned. Richie had been there before, so she was completely founded.

"Yeah," he pursed his lips for a moment, "-and he told me his type was tall idiots. Which I think was him hitting on me-"

"No thinking," she laughed for a moment, "-that's a definite. Let me guess, he's a tiny brunette?"

Richie grinned a little, a shit-eating grin probably, "Maybe."

"Let me see your texts," she held out her phone, and it should be said, he didn't even hesitate. He really trusted his friends.

She snatched it up, unflinchingly. Typing in the passcode (which she of course knew), she seemed a little surprised to see that it was already open.

"Oh, he texted you," she sat just beside him, reading, "-'Gotta go, boss sucks ass, but I'll see you at the stream.' What do you want to say?"

"'See you spaghetti' with a heart, an obnoxious amount of hearts actually," he watched over her shoulder, "-commit to no capitals, and use the letter u, not the word."

"Sir yes sir," she laughed, typing it out and then, carefully scrolling up, "-shit, you guys talk a lot."

"Yeah," he laughed a little, "-it's like he's not getting sick of me."

Bev turned to him then, carefully scanning over his face, "We don't get sick of you either, Richie. You know that, right?"

"Well, I don't-" he started, before resetting himself, "-I... hold back sometimes because I think I'm too much."

"Richie-"

"But I don't," he spoke, a little carefully, "-with Eddie, I don't."

She pursed her lips, eyes shooting back to the texts and then back to him, "For the record, you don't have to hold back from me, but-"

Richie waited.

"-I'm happy you have that. Really."

With a breath, she read through the texts. Only commenting a few times ("He was definitely flirting with you, Rich." or "It is strangely kind of cute how he insults you, I kind of get it."), the time flew by. Before he could blink, it was time for the stream to start.

She was setting everything up for a moment, her desk was a standing one, so Richie was kind of awkwardly in the background. He really, at his core, was lanky limbs and awkward posture, even more so standing. Hence why he only had sitting streams.

Bev told him when she started the stream, and then promptly asked, "Should I move my camera up? Can you guys see Richie?"

Chat was still basically dead, but some people did answer her.

"'Tragically yes'," she read out, laughing, "-Oh hey, Eddie! I've seen you in Richie's streams how are you?"

"Hi, spaghetti!" He grinned (big enough that it was kind of embarrassing), waving.

eddie.kaspbrak: I'm doing okay thank you

bevs.boa: 🍝🍝🍝

the_fashionista27: whose eddie

trashy.tozier: @/the_fashionista27 a regular on trashmouth streams

dizknees: EDDIEEEE

trashy.tozier: 🍝🍝🍝

elite.girl07: bev what are we doing today

skirt-nopants: why are there spaghetti emojis in chat

beverly_supremacy34: BEVVYYYY

stan.the.man: why is he here

tozier_babeyyy: 🍝🍝🍝

benny.boy: so excited for today's stream !!!

"We are doing men's clothes today," she chimed, happily, before walking back to where Richie stood (where she was drastically shorter) and splaying out her hands, "-hence our visitor."

He threw out some jazz hands, awkwardly. He always felt a little out of place on other people's streams, he usually toned himself down, especially for Bev's.

eddie.kaspbrak donated $5: since when are you tall

Beverly laughed, reading that one out. Turning toward Richie, she beckoned him to answer.

"Since I was 16, Eds," he clarified, exaggeratively brushing off his shoulders, and purposely lowering his voice, "-not to brag, but I am 6'1."

dizknees: no he has a good point

bev-hiiiii: I have never actually seen him stand

trashy.tozier: you're 6'1 ?!

the.losers.are.better: I thought he was lying

"Guys, come on," he laughed, speaking defensively, "-have a little faith in me. I'm not that fucking shitty."

stan.the.man donated $10: yes he is don't let him lie to you

Richie laughed again, "Fuck you, Stanley."

"Okay, okay," Bev motioned, "-let's focus chat. What kind of shirt do we want to make today?"

They decided pretty quickly on a button-up, mostly because Richie's wardrobe consisted of that and graphic tees. Bev wanted him to wear it, and he would definitely wear a button-up.

She always did want to test the waters with him though, bring him out of his fashion boundaries. His comfort zone really.

Skimming through the fabrics, she picked up two. She let Richie touch them all (he'd rather die than where a shirt that was scratchy on his skin), and she settled on two that he'd approved of. A white one with light blue vertical stripes, and a yellow one with tiny little stars in a pattern. Richie, naturally, liked the yellow more but either way he'd be happy to have a shirt made by Bev.

"Wait," she paused, debating, "-chat, what if we made him a plain one? And I could style a sweater over the top? Ooh, or a vest-"

"Totally down for that, Bevvy, really, I love it-" he interrupted, "-but we live in California. Layers mean sweat, and I'm a sweaty man-"

big.bill donated $5: how do we beep beep him here

"I guess just use chat," Bev hummed, laughing a little.

smell-ya-later: beep beep

stan.the.man: beep beep

eddie.kaspbrak: shut the fuck up richard

bevs.boa: beep beep

trashy.tozier: sweaty rep say that king 🤴

elite.girl07: beep beep (I have no idea what we're doing)

dizknees: beep 📣 beep 📣

pantmeup88: dunno you but beep beep ig

the_fashionista27: beep beep

the._.voices: beep beep

b*tchy-richie: beep beep

beverly_supremacy34: just realized that's trashmouth

mike.me.up: beep beep

Richie raised his hands in surrender, pretending to zip his lips closed. Bev promptly zipped them back open with a smile, patting his chest, "It's not fun if you're not talking, Rich."

She then spun around pointing at the camera, making a motion like she was watching them, "I'll fight you guys next time, watch out."

Chat responded with a slew of emojis.

"Alright, anyway," she pulled up the two fabrics -showing them to the camera, "-chat, these are our options."

Bev walked back to Richie's side, holding up the blue against his chest, "A," then the yellow, "-or B? Mods?"

The poll was finishing up, when the notification popped up.

eddie.kaspbrak donated $5: don't listen to those fuckers it's yellow

"Is blue even winning, Eds?" Richie laughed, something fluttering in his chest. He thoroughly debated changing his entire wardrobe to yellow-

dizknees: period say that 🍝

trashy.tozier: no he's right

trashmouth-for-me: YELLOWWW

bevs.boa: you guys don't understand art it's blue

girlie-pops: I'm late what are we arguing about

pickle-pickle7: no fr it's yellow

your._.mom: guys come on be real it's yellow

beverly_supremacy34: HOW IS BLUE WINNING

dizknees: yellow stans UNITE 😤😤😤

baby-baby67: yellow yellow yellow

butterfly_spawn: first stream what's up

bevs.boa: @/butterflyspawn hiiiii welcome <33

babey_gurl745: obvi yellow

urgencyforwhat: listen to me when I say this BLUE

burt-n-ernie.loverz: blue it matches his eyes

stan.the.man: eddie's right

smell-ya-later: poll is rigged bevvy

benny.boy: I think he looks good in both

"Thanks, Benny," Richie hummed, batting his lashes, and blowing a strangely wet kiss toward the camera.

Bev pursed her lips, eyeing the poll, "It's going to crazy fucking close, guys."

eddie.kaspbrak: can I pay for more votes

Bev and Richie laughed at that. Well, Richie might have giggled, actually. Why was every embarrassing thing he did on public record?

trashy.tozier: where's the gay shit guy saying that is gay shit

trashmouth-for-me: @/trashy.tozier no real

gay.shit.guy: 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 GAY SHIT MENTIONED 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

bevs.boa: are y'all seeing what I'm seeing 👀

butterfly_spawn: I hope yellow wins

beverly_supremacy34: @/bevs.boa no no I see it

battle.bus547: yellow deserves it

girlie-pops: bev do both

burly._.bears89: will you guys play minecraft soon

trashy.tozier: richie tozier gay? more at 11

bet_on_it: @/trashy.tozier trashmouth is gay?

trashy.tozier: @/bet_on_it are you serious?

trashmouth-for-me: yellow yellow yellow

"Alright," Bev laughed, clapping her hands once, "-I think I'm just going to do both. Alright, Rich, get ready for some measuring!"

The rest of the day was pretty quick, Bev told him it would take a few days if not a week for her to get one done, at least a few more streams. Two meant a longer wait and Richie was alright with it. He couldn't fucking imagine making something himself, so he would wait without complaint. Not that he'd complain anyway.

He waltzed up the stairs of his apartment, fingers dancing along the rails. The metal chime echoed around the room as he did so, and he paused -waiting to see if anyone was in the stairwell.

Richie wasn't entirely sure he knew any of his neighbors, or even if he wanted to. Who knew their neighbors these days? He only really saw familiar people in the lobby, and surprisingly, he didn't really talk to them. Well, maybe not surprisingly, if you really knew him he wasn't super comfortable with strangers. When he was nervous, not uncomfortable, he started fucking talking.

It was different.

Slowly, when there was no reaction, Richie made it up the stairs. And then, his phone started blaring.

"Shit," he nearly dropped it, before quickly answering, "-Hello?"

"Richie," it was Mike, he realized (in all his haste, he hadn't really even checked the caller ID apparently), "-hey. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"What? No," he mended, quickly -regaining his composure and walking through his floor (lowering his voice appropriately) "-I'm just getting home from Bev's, what's up, Mikey?"

"I wanted to," he paused a second, "-I wanted to talk to you about Eddie."

Richie faltered, slowly putting the key into the lock, "What about Eds?"

"You're not-" Mike started, before seeming to reiterate, "-You're not fucking with him, are you?"

He opened his door, sliding off his shoes and tossing a bag he brought onto the counter -moving to lock the door behind himself, "Fucking with him?"

Mike clarified, "Like joking? About being... being interested in him, friend or otherwise?"

"I'm sorry?"

"It's not you, Rich," he quickly added, "-Eddie's just been through some shit. He's an old friend and deserves a lot better than what the world has given him."

Right, 'so good to see you happy man ❤️'.

"How do you know him?" Richie asked before he could stop it -throwing himself onto the couch.

"You remember how me and Ben lived in the same shitty smalltown?"

Ben and Mike were old friends, used to volunteer at the library over the summer together. (At least, he's pretty sure that's how that happened.) They hadn't stayed in contact, but then Bev found Ben and recruited him, and they were reunited. Even still, Richie doesn't know the luck of that happening but it did.

"Yeah," he answered.

"Well, Eddie lived there too," Mike clarified, "-He visited the library a lot, it was one of the only places he was allowed to go-"

"Allowed?" Richie questioned, once again his mouth was uncontrollable.

"His mom, she..." Mike fell silent, settling on something, "-Eddie should tell you about that. It's not my place."

"Oh-kay," Richie replied, a little confused, fidgeting with a button on his shirt, "-Mikey, what is this about?"

There was a pause.

"Look," Mike refocused, voice steady (in the scary loyal kinda way Richie's only heard a few times), "-all I'm asking is if you're genuine. With Eddie."

"You do shit like this for me?" He joked, a little flatly, "-Or do you pick favorites?"

"I am," Mike answered simply, "-I already have."

He talked to Eddie? Something in Richie wanted to ask about it, poke and prod until he couldn't anymore. Just like he always did. What did he say about me? What did he say about m-

"So?" Mike questioned.

Richie pursed his lips for a second.

"Of course, I'm fucking genuine," he started fidgeting with the buttons more intently like he could avoid what he was saying (make it a little less real), "-I think Eddie is the shit. Probably the coolest person I know, no offense, and I-"

The words halted in his throat, almost like he wasn't ready to say them. He powered through anyway.

"-I really like him. It's fucking embarrassing how much I like him."

"Like-like?" Mike asked, completely serious.

"Are you seriously fucking saying that right now?" Richie laughed, pulling his fingers away from the button, "-You sound like we're under the bleachers gossiping about the hunky football captain or some shit. Do you think he'll ask me to the dance, Mikey? Do ya think so-"

Mike laughed, "How else am I supposed to say it?"

"I dunno," he added, brushing a hand through his curls, "-How about... Are you into him? Do you think he's hot as shit? Have you planned your future marriage ceremony in your head-"

"Have you?"

Richie's lips pressed into a firm line (he'd really only gotten to the engagement part -god he was so fucked up), "No."

"Right," Mike laughed -uncertain, "-Look, Richie, I think it's great you like him, and I'm willing to bet he's into you too-"

Why? What did he say? He likes me? How do you-

"-But be careful," he continued, "-I don't want you or Eddie hurt in the long run. It would be really shitty to half to divide my time like I have divorced parents."

"I'd obviously have custody of you," Richie instinctively responded.

"I don't know," Mike countered, "-Eddie has a lot of fight in him. He'd drag you through hell in court."

"Fair point," he relented, maybe smiling a little.

"Well, that's all I wanted to ask," Mike sighed out, "-Plus, I stream in like an hour, so I gotta go. But take care of yourself, okay?"

"Yeah, you too," he quietly responded.

It felt a little like it echoed along his walls, even though the room wasn't as empty as the stairwell. (It felt a little like it was, in the ways that mattered). Richie dropped his phone on his chest and stared up at the ceiling -silent.

He should probably tell Stan all of this is happening, huh? And Steve, when he sees him next. (Should be in about a month.) He basically had a list for the guy when he gets to his next appointment, filled with thoughts and events-

Ding.

Richie peeked at his phone.

e.kaspbrak

Did Mike talk to you?

He pursed his lips a second, fingers stagnant against the keyboard.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

yeah u?

e.kaspbrak

Obviously, I just asked you dipshit.

Richie smiled.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

u r a funny guy eds

u should steal my job u could do it

e.kaspbrak

You're good at your job.

And fuck that, I want to watch your streams.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

u like my streams ???

e.kaspbrak

I'm subscribed to you, moron.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

well yeah

I thought u just wanted to shit on me

or maybe see my pretty face 😉

e.kaspbrak

You're lucky I'm far away from you.

Richie pursed his lips together, typing before he could stop.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

no

no I'm not eds

He watched the message for a few seconds, eyeing the bubbles typing away and then disappearing. Like he was writing and rewriting everything, like he wasn't sure what to say. Richie wasn't sure what he would say if the tables were flipped.

So instead of assuming (despite his stomach twisting with anxiety), he patiently waited. (If you could count his foot bouncing so fast it was shaking his coffee table patient).

e.kaspbrak

I'm genuine.

You have to fucking know that at this point.

He thought for a second, smoothing the words over his skin.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

so am I

e.kaspbrak

That's not answering my question trashmouth.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

I didn't know

e.kaspbrak

Really?

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

yeah

u r kinda a dick to me tbf

e.kaspbrak

That's just how I am.

Sometimes I'm a dick to people I care about, it happens.

Richie smiled again then, quietly absorbing the words. Eddie was such an interesting person, and Richie (un)surprisingly could not wait to know all the little Eddie-isms.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

I care about u too spaghetti

There was a pause again, and Richie felt a little heavy for a second. Waiting.

e.kaspbrak

Mike told me about your parents.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

mikey told me about ur mom

vaguely

e.kaspbrak

Vaguely too.

Do you want to talk about it?

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

do u eds?

e.kaspbrak

Eventually.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

yeah me too

I wanna tell u eventually

e.kaspbrak

Richie?

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

yeah spaghetti?

e.kaspbrak

I like when you talk, even if it's the stupidest shit I've ever heard.

Richie laughed then, quietly, and something smoothed off his shoulders. The heaviness felt lighter. Just like it always did with Eddie somehow. His mind was quieter, calmer. He doesn't know how he does it, but he does.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

I think that's the first time I've ever heard that from anybody eds

e.kaspbrak

Well, people are dumb as fuck.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

u r not wrong

but thank u

means a lot from u

e.kaspbrak

What does that mean?

Richie paused, carefully, thinking over a response. It felt different this time, this conversation, he wasn't sure why. It just felt a little monumental, like they were crossing something, a milestone (as Steve, his therapist said).

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

u r pretty cool too eds

even if u call me dipshit a lot

I still think u r pretty cool

e.kaspbrak

You are a dipshit.

But thank you.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

ahh good ole mean spaghetti

believe me nice eds is cute

but there's something special about grumpy lil eddie :)

e.kaspbrak

Ew.

Richie frowned. Did he say something?

e.kaspbrak

You called me Eddie.

Don't do that again.

He laughed out loud, something swirling around in his chest. It felt weird for a second, it had barely been a month knowing him, and even less texting him, but it felt right. Like they were meant to slot together. Like destiny (which was cliché as fuck).

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

sir yes sir 🫡

e.kaspbrak

You're such a dick.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

that's my name don't wear it out babey~

He smiled for a moment, dropping his phone onto his chest with a breath. And in that moment, his apartment felt a little less empty. Richie wasn't sure how to feel about that at all, but it felt good for now.

e.kaspbrak

Shithead.

Yeah, he thought to himself, I think it's pretty good.

[stevebckley]

About me!

Hello, I’m Iri!

If you have come here from my Stranger Things twitter or my AO3, welcome.

I’ve been around fandom for a long time and on tumblr for longer but I wanted to start fresh here.

I’m a multishipper to my core. I love Steddie in my grubby little rat heart but I’ll ship anyone with Steve, Eddie or many combinations of my little barbie doll characters. 

I have no tolerance for any hate. I’m into a lot of Dead Dove concepts, A/B/O and I refuse to tolerate ship or character slander.

I’ll be accepting prompts and headcanons as I love interacting with people and bouncing ideas around.

I love to write and I’ve been trying to push myself to write more so I’d really love to be pushed out of my comfort zone to write! I have no preferences really on dynamics or top/bottom so if you’re interested we can bounce ideas around!

My AO3

My Twitter

Links to my current works!

Choking Loneliness to Hope : (Complete) A study of Steve Harrington through the years and his fascination with the hands of everyone around him

Make Me an Offer (I Cannot Refuse You): (OneShot) Steve just needs weed for this party and Tommy sends him instead. When Eddie tries to overcharge him for it, he figures the can work something out but he ends up getting a bit more than he bargained for when he makes too much of an open ended offer.

It's Crazy What You'll Do (For a Friend): (WIP) A season 4 that we could have had if they'd just let Gareth be dragged into everything along with Eddie because he would've smacked Eddie upside his self sacrificing head, I just know it

I Don't Like Anticipating my Face in a Red Flush: (Complete) The five times Eddie Munson kissed Steve on the cheek and the one time he didn’t

The Bat of it All: (OneShot) Kas survives the upside down and becomes the leader of the bats but there's a catch when his friends stumble back into the upside down

Love Comes Hand in Hand: Ongoing Series

I Want You (like you want me too): (Pt 1) Chrissy Cunningham and Steve Harrington are a cheerleading power couple but they have a secret life that no one knows about. When Chrissy looks a little closer at how her boyfriend looks at Eddie Munson, she devises her own plan to make them all happy.

In Good Hands: (Pt 2) A sequel to I Want You (like you want me too) from Wayne's point of view when he comes home in the morning

Raccoons, Cheese and Other Surprises: (Pt 3) Eddie finally got the boy AND the girl. No one told him he was dating a pair of Disney princesses though, complete with the wild animals that come with them.

You Can Leave Your Manners (at the door): (OneShot) Eddie just wants to take a shower before going home but Steve has other ideas for him.

The Adventures at Hawkins Park: (OneShot) Stobin Month - A chance meeting in the park

A Needle to the Nose: (OneShot) Stobin Month - Steve gets dragged with Robin to get her nose pierced but a chance jewelry spotting means there's a change of plans

the reason comes (on the common tongue): (Oneshot) Eddie keeps Steve from succumbing to isolation syndrome after the fight with Billy and Steve offers to pay him back in a very creative way. (Omegaverse)

i will grow bold (in a barren and desolate land): (Oneshot) Tommy walks in on a scene he never expected in his own parents bedroom, luckily he's invited to stay

Something New (for me, for you): (Oneshot) Eddie knows that Steve Harrington has a penchant for helping people lose their virginities and he’s finally feeling brave enough to anonymously throw his own hat in the ring. Unbeknownst to him, Steve has plenty of plans of his own.

[samuell2]

Funeral Parade of Roses ("I feel like I'm high" -Eddie)

This may have been a bad choice to watch at Library West. Oh well.

If Yukio Mishima was a gifted director instead of a writer, this may have been something he would have produced. Weird, gay, bloody, full of masks. Ticks all the boxes.

I loved this film because it was artsy and dark and fascinating while still being funny as hell. In terms of the dark and thematic bits, the concept of masks throughout was pretty fascinating. It seemed to imply, at least in part, that transsexuality is one of the many performative masks people don to cope with their loneliness and issues-- a mask that happens not to "resemble their facial features", but is not inherently different from the ones others wear. That idea is also reinforced by the presence of clown and circus-like music throughout, especially during scenes with Eddie and her friends. This seems like sort of a problematic idea to me, but I don't really have the knowledge of queer culture to properly judge it. The idea that it was Eddie's rejection as a man by her mother and the subsequent stabbing episode that caused the him to become a "gay boy" also seems a little dated (insofar as it implies that queer people are just queer because of some horrible trauma), but then again, the interviews throughout the film emphasize the opposite perspective, that many "gay boys" were simply doing what they felt like and enjoyed, without a particular reason. That's pretty wholesome. And overall I thought it was really cool for a film to address and follow the gay club scene. Obviously Japan is pretty socially conservative even today, but I've noticed that quite a bit of Japanese media is willing to engage with topics like this-- Banana Yoshimoto's Kitchen and Murakami's Kafka on the Shore are just a couple of the works I've encountered with transgender characters. I know Mishima's Forbidden Colors also explores gay bars and queer culture.

On the lighter side, some scenes and images I loved:

Eddie and her friends passing around the joint and then dancing in front of a Beatles portrait-- this is just so comically 1960s. Plus one of Guevara's friends is basically cosplaying John Lennon.

The scene where Leda and Eddie have their final confrontation, facing off in a western duel and trading insults in goofy speech bubbles. Genuinely funny as hell.

"Applause Requested"

The recurring image of a rose between someone's asscheeks (there's probably some thematic analysis here but it's just striking on its own)

The freeze on Eddie's breasts in the beginning of the film, the point where we realize Eddie is not biologically a woman.

I could ramble on, but yeah, safe to say this was a super interesting and bizarre film. Hope we see more like it.

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Thinking Buddie Thoughts abt 403 Future Tense & 607 Cursed

I’ve watched Cursed 3 times now and something about the curse bracelet’s connection to Pompeii keeps rattling around in my brain. A second ago I realized what that rattle is! Vesuvius hit Pompeii and Pilot Knob hit Austin in Lone Star. The eruption of Pilot Knob in Lone Star was even mentioned in the news in 403 Future Tense which also tacitly connected it to the wildfires that Buck, Eddie, and Hen helped the 126 fight in the crossover episode. Anyway I rewatched Future Tense, and Cursed is a clear continuation of those themes, in addition to the themes from Jinx later in s4, which the fandom has already been talking about so I won’t get too deep into the Jinx of it all.

Future Tense centered on the start of Buck’s healing journey in relation to his family trauma.  It was the episode where Buck started therapy for himself instead of for professional reasons. Buck was trying to find a healthy way forward. He told Maddie that he wanted to figure out how to navigate feelings of sadness and loneliness so that he could be “finer.” Cursed (and s6 in general) continues that arc for Buck and has him looking toward happiness, what that means for him, and how to achieve it. But he’s making huge missteps. Future Tense was also the episode where the audience learned that Buck’s family was keeping a huge secret from him. Now in Cursed we have Buck keeping a huge secret from his family/firefam. Or trying to until Connor and Kameron drop by the 118.

Eddie on the other hand was a bit frozen in time in Future Tense. Mostly he was resisting technology and change. So much so that he pulled Chris into it by disconnecting the video game that he and Buck were playing together. In Future Tense, Eddie kinda wanted something finer too  (a new fancy coffee maker) but settled for just plain old fine (his old coffee maker) when he realized that an upgrade would mean new technology aka new tools and methods for doing things. That’s the most s4 Eddie $hit ever because we know back in s4 Eddie was generally a reserved person who wanted control and to do things in his usual way, at least in his personal life. I also think it was interesting too that the idea of being influenced or swayed to make those changes by a higher power aka Hildy and targeted advertising really creeped him out. Hildy was kinda like the universe in Jinx screaming at him. 

Cursed, by the end, clearly illustrates Eddie’s 180. He’s embraced tech, in this case not a new coffeemaker but new ways of healing and being aka introspection and trauma therapy. He’s open to the influence of something greater than him now too (i.e. that conversation at the end of the ep with his Abuela about tarot cards, etc). He’s opening to new possibilities and new perspectives for his future. This is a big contrast to the end of Future Tense where he rejects the new coffeemaker that Buck sent him. If these two eps are truly connected, then it’s epic that Buck was the one who gave him the new coffeemaker aka the new tech for being “finer”! Buck is the one who could and did help Eddie embrace new tech or a new tool for building a happier future. Eddie wasn’t ready in s4 though, but he’s ready now if his conversation at the beach with Abuela is any indication!

The callback to Future Tense makes me super freakin happy because there was a domestic, lived-in quality to Buddie and the Buckley-Diaz Family in that ep and we intermittently see that same connection but deeper in s6. In Cursed they haven’t arrived yet but it’s clear that they could be on their way to realizing out loud that they are a part of each others’ healing journey and “meant to be” as partners outside of just work. *cue incoherent screaming*

[motownfiction]

mountains

Sam sits alone at home on Valentine’s Day. It’s par for the course these days. Ever since Hazel moved away, Sam hasn’t been interested in finding a replacement date. He’s never been interested in casual dates, anyway. When he finds someone he likes, he always sees a future with them. He’s never sure how long it’s going to last, but it will be longer than a few hours and a quick fuck. Sam doesn’t do anything unless it’s something, a vague profundity he’s so convinced of, he has to stand up and walk around the room to get it out.

He knows he’s a relationship kind of guy. He just never chases those relationships to the bitter end. It’s not that he doesn’t want to. Sam saw himself married to Steph, to Valerie, to Hazel, to Eddie, even, if the Supreme Court ever gets off its ass and makes it so. But when they moved … where he was he supposed to go? He knows there’s nothing really keeping him in Detroit. His store, sure, but someone else could run it. He could sell the space. He could open up a new store anywhere if he tried. But instead, it’s a new millennium, and Sam is alone. He’ll die this way, he thinks. Alone with his music, the only thing he’s never been afraid to latch onto.

He puts on Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell. “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” is the perfect song for when you spend Valentine’s Day alone, but you want to pretend like you’d really go anywhere for the person you love.

This was Sam’s song with Eddie. They listened to it in the car on long road trips, in the house just because, all the time. You wouldn’t have expected it, but Eddie – introverted, serious Eddie – always took Marvin Gaye’s part. Sam laughs just thinking about it. He laughs until he remembers the last time they listened to this song together.

Which mountains are in Tennessee? Sam asked. Where you’re going?

The Great Smoky Mountains, Eddie said. Not close, but not far.

When Eddie left, Sam used to picture himself running over the Great Smoky Mountains, trying to get to Eddie, trying to tell him he made a mistake. But that never happened. Sam never even called Eddie again. A clean break. It’s what they owed to each other, after that much time, that much love. That much betrayal.

Sam should have gone to Tennessee. Eddie didn’t deserve a man who wouldn’t move.

Even all these years later, Daniel is very judicious when he talks about his extended family. He mentions all manner of cousins and aunts and uncles in front of Sam … but never anything about his cousin, Eddie. Sam wouldn’t know shit about him if he didn’t ask Sadie to tell him in confidence. Apparently, Eddie is having a smashing life in Nashville. He’s up for tenure soon, and he’s got a boyfriend who plays the blues. Literally. Sam couldn’t have asked for a better ending for Eddie if he’d written it himself.

Sam’s not sure how to feel now. Some mixture of pride and loneliness, his usual cocktail of feelings. He turns up the record, not caring if anyone on the side streets can hear it.

That’s what loud music is for, he thinks. Distraction.

[bookloverbilly]

s4 thoughts so far

I think the duffers excel at horror but fall flat with characters. As someone who watches shows for characters, it has been a pretty disappointing season so far.

Steve is in the same place as he was two seasons ago—pining after Nancy, desperate for a romance. It's getting boring. I would love for him to feel secure in his loneliness and find solace in his platonic relationships!! I also feel like you could really feel Joe Keery pulling away from his love of ST and it was apparent in some of his performances /: I love him and completely get why, this is not a diss on him! They've reduced Steve to some bumbling idiot despite proving the past three seasons that he's competent, just has some blonde moments

Nancy is once again being tossed between two men. I physically need to see her single. It makes ZERO SENSE for her to want to be with Steve again given her reasons for breaking up with him. I'm fine with a recouped romance plot but only when both characters have developed and grown in the time apart: Nancy has a little, Steve has a little, but it hasn't been enough?? Idk I just hate that they're trying to make them a thing again. Really hoping it's a red herring and when she and Jonathan break up she'll realize she's at her best when she's focusing on herself and her future. Both Steve and Jonathan just drag her down as neither know what they want for their life/future, and she does ):

I felt like Dustin and Steve's dynamic was very strained? Like Dustin was so rude to Steve and constantly putting him down, idc that Eddie told Steve he worships him when he's overtly unkind to his face. It's sad be they had such a beautiful and understanding love between them and now i don't even know if they even like each other???

Will and Mike basically did fuck all which is the norm for them at this point. The duffers have no fucking idea what to do with those two so they keep shoving them aside.

Lucas, Max, and Jane were all excellent imo. I felt like we really got inside their heads and got a good look at each of their psyches (Jane literally lol).

I actually LO00OVED Jonathan this season. It makes complete sense to me as a reformed stoner who also went thru some shit. Like I get it! I do wish he had more to do but I feel like Charlie had a LOT of fun this season with his character and it showed!

Robin was okay? She had some good moment and some truly annoying moments that I'm attributing to the writing.

Eddie was SO MUCH FUN and such a vulnerable, funny, and complex character. I feel like I know more about him at this point than Steve, and it's his first season!! Really hoping he survives and we see him again!

The adults were amazing. Loved every moment of their storyline. I know a lot of ppl didn't like the Russian plot but I thought it was rly good? Idk maybe I just haven't seen a lot of Russian's in media so it was fresh and fun for me lol. Also the adults are the best actors by far so I was sucked into every scene w them based on performance alone!

Some of the CGI was LAUGHABLEEEE omfg especially young Jane. They didn't even try to make cgi Jane look like MBB and it was so funny seeing her squished body on screen.

Also I think the building of suspense for one group and then a hard cut to another group doing something to ally different was rly disappointing... I wish the scenes were totally different bc I would find myself wishing to go back to the other group while watching the current one.

One last thing... I think it could have been interesting from a directorial standpoint to hold off on showing us viewers what vecna was doing to people in their heads. It would have been sooo much more compelling to just see contorting floating bodies then find out LATER wtf was going on internally for those kids.

overall I thought it was a 5/10!

[prettyboybuckley]

📝📝📝 Share 5 fics of yours that you feel best represents your writing style and talent (your resume so to speak), and then send this on to five writers who you adore 💖💖💖

hiii thank you for this ask! (whoops, it got lost in my drafts so it's been a while) ❤️ this is honestly so hard, i've written 60 fics!

Here are the five fics I picked (with some variety in length and rating)🥰:

you could call me babe for christmas ('tis the damn season) | 30.2k | T

"You could come with me," Buck blurts out, his own eyes going wide as he processes what he just said. Eddie looks at him with his mouth hanging open, eyebrows slowly creasing into a frown and Buck's mind grapples for an explanation, even if the reason he said it is quite simple: he always feels safer with Eddie by his side. "My parents want me to come to El Paso," Eddie says, and he looks like the words taste bitter in his mouth. "I'd love to get out of that, but I can't just leave Christopher with Abuela or Pepa while I run to Pennsylvania. Never mind that my parents would never accept it without a good reason." "Christopher can come, of course." OR: Buck and Eddie pretend to be dating as Buck takes the Diaz boys along to Hershey. Once there, things get a little out of hand, and Buck comes to a realization...

i just want something to hold on to (and a little of that human touch) | 3.7k | T | + the sequel!

So, yeah, he’s not really getting his fix when it comes to physical affection, but he thought it would be fine. Surely he could deal with that, right? Except he can’t. It’s not just the overwhelming sense of loneliness that coming home to an empty apartment after not having any privacy for months brings. He hasn’t had a proper hug in weeks, all he’s been getting is small, accidental touches on the job, a slip of a hand here, a shoulder bump there. It makes his heart soar every time, but it can’t lift the weight that seems to have permanently settled in his stomach. OR: Buck is touch starved, but decides to hide it, you know, like an idiot

all the reasons i'm not good enough | 4.3k | G

The last person he expected to be at his house this late at night is Maddie Buckley, but there she is. She's got Jee-Yun in a car seat, the little girl sleeping peacefully, and in her other hand is a bottle of red wine. "I, uhm, I-," she starts, cutting herself off, and Eddie waits patiently as she searches for the right words. "The second most important people in our lives, well, my second and third, are out there risking their lives and I figured we could be terrified together."

baby come close (and expose my red lingerie) | 3.5k | E

The way Buck is pretty much, well, presenting himself, is not the biggest issue, though. No, it's the glimpse of what's underneath his uniform that Eddie catches when he stretches and his uniform t-shirt goes up just far enough for Eddie to see. It's just a hint of lace, yesterday it was pink, the day before it was light blue. Today it's red, he thinks, though it’s too fast to really get a good look. OR: Buck has some very interesting underwear and it's driving Eddie crazy

what a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you | 21.3k | E

Look, Buck is okay with stripping his way through college to survive. It's only for the two years his associate degree takes, anyway. And he likes the money, and the attention, and his colleagues are great. But then Bobby had to go and hire Eddie Diaz, who swoops in and charms all the customers and starts stealing Bucks tips. So he has to deal with Eddie Diaz four nights a week, and then he goes home, and while he sleeps he dreams vivid images of large hands, strong biceps and an ass you could bounce a quarter off of. OR: The AU where they're both strippers and Buck goes from "I hate this guy" to "Oh fuck, I think I'm in love with him"

[wackybuddiemewbs]

Man, I'm a thirsty hoe for hurt, comfort, and angst, but I am really frantic for how things are going to pan out with Maddie and Buck, once she comes back.

To send this ahead: I don't mean to criticize Maddie or to shift blame to a woman suffering from depression and being desperate to protect her family, no matter the costs. She needs help and I hope she finally finds it as she needs it.

I'm just interested, and a bit scared, for how this may affect her relationship with her brother.

Because Buck felt like she left him behind before. While he since understood where she was coming from with this, it has been his emotional reality. That's how he felt. To him, it felt like she left him behind. He missed her, and she wasn't physically or emotionally available for him.

It feeds into many of his deeply rooted insecurities. And those, he can't help either, even though he's in therapy. So having Maddie leave like that will be not only a blow to Chimney (POOR CHIMNEY, MY BABY!!! GIVE THE MAN ALL THE HUGS!!!), but it will have a great effect on him, too, I fear.

I could even see a scenario where that may be a catalyst for Buck's composure falling. Because right now, things pan out for him. He has that relationship with Taylor going on (even though we see some hints of different wants and needs in that relationship, but that's another topic). He is well settled with the 118. We know that he's spending time with his favorite Diaz boys. Buck feels validated in his role and his self-worth thanks to the conversation with Eddie and the will last season. And Jee-Yun is super adorbs

What more to ask for, right?

Makes it easy to forget what happened only a few months ago, right?

Right?

And while we see Eddie having a panic attack as a result of his struggle with his relationship, we also see first cracks that may hint at him coming to grips with his trauma about being shot. *fingers crossed that the writers don't brush that off again*

Interestingly, Buck is the one to point out to Eddie that getting shot can be anxiety-inducing. Well, so can be seeing your best friend (and love of your life...) get shot, boo. He worries for Eddie and empathizes with him. For what we got to see, he's doing just fine.

Right?

But maybe having Maddie gone will open the Pandora's box for him. Buck may go spiraling, thinking that his sister didn't trust him with herself and her problems, that he was not good enough as a brother to notice certain things, to make good on his promise to take that spot in her life and protect her.

That she leaves again, even though they promised something else.

Again, this is not to blame her, but on a narrative level, those pinky promises are an important theme between the two siblings. When Maddie told him he'd always have her, we just got this episode that highlighted Buck's headspace, the loneliness he felt, which in part inspired him to befriend Red - only for him to die. Having her leave after she promised to do the exact opposite, tracing back to that pivotal moment, is seldom arbitrary. So I guess we may get a callback to that scene at some point.

So I could see a scenario where Buck tries to brush it all off. Coz he didn't get shot. Coz he's in therapy. Coz his sister didn't leave him, even if it may feel like it, okay? Coz he still has his partner to rely on. And anyway, Uncle Buck to the rescue, right? He can go help Chim and Jee-Yun. He can be of use, even when his sister is not around to see it. Nonetheless, it keeps eating away at him. That he does well distracting himself, but that he still finds himself feeling that desolation again that he's felt by the time he met Red. Even though he should be fine. And anyway, it's not the first time this happened. He can deal with it, okay? He got the 118. And Eddie and Christopher.

Right?

So yeah, I think we could easily see him spiral down. Because healing is no linear process and all that.

But then maybe more tensions arise between him and Taylor about what they both want out of this relationship, moving forward. Maybe he clings more onto her, which may not be what she wants out of that relationship right now. Maybe Buck gets a painful callback to Eddie at gunpoint, thus sending him right back down to hell of what he seemingly brushed off, too, because he is happy and in a relationship and all is fine, right? All is going according to plan, yeah? It's on a clipboard, okay?

Because that would open up a chance for Buck to reflect on his trauma on-screen - just like Eddie still needs the space to deal with his. And ideally, they will somehow find a way forward together. Because even without the shipper goggles on, it was a trauma for both, so it'd make a lot of sense if their healing is just as closely interconnected. That they are the people who can facilitate each other in their healing, getting out of those headspaces, stopping the spiral down.

But back on topic: Buck may really be in for an emotional roller-coaster with Maddie leaving. Perhaps much so when she comes back. Because the two may have to have some very painful conversation once she does.

Because there'd be no bad guys in this scenario, just two people with different traumas finding very different ways to deal with their feelings. And in Maddie's case, her impulse to run is basically a worst-case scenario for a guy like Buck who's struggling with separation, who has the fear of being left behind deeply ingrained into his system.

And I am really curious to see how that will play out. While I firmly believe that the two will mend things between them just like I am sure Maddie and Chim will, it will be a struggle not just for her but also for the people she loves and cares for, including her brother.

So yeah, I see some great potential for angst there, but also an awesome narrative opportunity for Maddie and Buck to progress as characters. That Maddie finally realizes that running is not the way out anymore. That with a committed partner like Chimney, running is actually no longer an option. That she has to let people in and trust them to be by her side even when she finds herself at a low point in her life.

Which may very well boil down to Buck and Maddie both coming to that understanding of what not being alone actually means. For Maddie that she can't run from this. And for Buck that even if Maddie is not there, he is not alone by any means. Even if he may no longer be in a relationship, even if he may be a mess, he has people he can rely on - and who rely on him.

And if Buck winds up finding the support he'd otherwise gotten from Maddie... even more so if it is in the shape of that henley wearing guy who has too much panic and too little disco... all the better for me. *ahem*

So please excuse me while I remain... perfectly calm.

[the-20th-century-girl]

Needed to get some shit that's on my mind out somewhere.

To summarize I'm just feeling a little isolated and ignored. Which is a constant feeling considering my living arrangements and whatnot, but I have been feeling it a little more than usual lately.

This is mostly due to feeling like I have no one to talk to. I do have two very dear friends to talk to and if they were seeing this they'd say "you know you can talk to me about anything, right?" And to an extent I can. But not this.

We have a group chat on fb messenger where we all chat and vent about shit to each other. It seems it became a safe space for them to vent and talk through any issues they are currently having. Which I am delighted I could supply, as I only started the group chat to discuss my birthday plans of last year.

But I feel it has become very serious there lately. Like it's only for venting about stuff and normal 'adult' topics. This sounds like a complaint and well if I'm honest it is a little. Not wanting or asking for it to stop being a place for that, or for my friends to stop venting about their problems, that is always welcome there. I'm glad my friends have a safe place to talk about these things in.

But the topics of conversations I wanna talk about with them never seem relevant at the time. That and on the rare occasion I do bring something up it mostly gets ignored and the subject is changed again. Because of this I have been getting quieter and quieter there and lately very rarely say anything in the chat. It feels a little childish of me to complain about this but then again it’s how I feel and I can’t really help that.

I consider myself an extroverted person, which could be hard to believe if you know me lol. I am alone a lot of the time and well it's a little rough. To cope I use fandoms and this site as an outlet for them. Even though I don't consider myself 'in' any fandom per se, I enjoy seeing stuff from a distance and occasionally posting things too. I'm bad at making new friends, especially online or in a group setting (like discord) so don't really have people I can talk to about my special interests.

I'd like to talk to my friends about fandom stuff, especially if it's about BBC Ghosts as they both have watched and loved the show but like I said the topic always get changed when I do or whenever I wanna say something it seems they are in the middle of another topic more serious so it's not right to bring it up.

It's hard keeping it all in all the time, like I said don't really have online people to chat about this with. They are my only friends and the only people I can talk to in general.

But sometimes I just wanna talk about dumb shit. Actually that's a lie, majority of the time I want to talk about dumb shit. I stated fandom is my way of coping with loneliness and well it's difficult to cope with it when you feel like you can't talk about it to people. Which in itself makes me feel more lonely and isolated.

Got a bunch of Larry stuff posting today so I'm sure my friends won't see this (as they rarely use this site anyway). I'm making this post not for them to see anyway. It also isn't a cry for help or for sympathy. I'm just sick of wanting to chat about dumb shit and feeling like I can't. So I will do so now for me!

I'm having a Larry day today considering the date. So planning to watch favourite Larry episodes of Yonderland and Ghosts. And hope he’s having a good day too!

Been watching Inside No. 9 recently. Little annoyed it took me so long to watch it tbh. I'm loving it so far. No idea why it never clicked it was two of the guys from tlog, otherwise would've watched it way sooner.

Got my folks watching Stranger Things which includes me having to tell my mum when the scary parts happen and hold her hand during it. As she try's to crush it when it gets extra spooky. This will be my 3rd rewatch of it and Eddie is my fav, I mean obviously haha. I do have a type.

The new Werewolves game pack for Sims 4 is coming out Friday, which I'm a little excited for. Any occult/supernatural/spooky themed pack I'm always here for. They say there's some cross pack stuff to do with Vampires and Spell Casters in it so mostly intrigued by that.

Game Grumps are currently doing their new live show tour. And from pictures and small clips it looks really fun. I look forward and hope they'll do more shows in the UK soon. I'll be sure to get tickets asap, even if it means going to the shows by myself again.

And lastly in what looks like me just spilling random news stories lol. I may or may not have a new celeb 'crush'. I equally want to talk about them and not at the same time so not naming who it is just yet. But if anyone here is actually reading this mad ramblings and are curious you can have a look at my recent liked posts here and make a guess for yourself. That said this is still primarily a Larry stan blog and I have no plans of changing that. If things go further and I feel I wanna post more stuff. I may just have to make a side blog for the new person.

[justapoet]

I think a lot about BuckTaylor and how they built the both of them (-ish).

(let's be clear: I don't like BuckTaylor. Let me just clarify why).

Summarizing: The type of love Taylor has to give Buck follows the same pattern of the love Margaret and Philip had to offer him.

And how does it go?

In Buck Begins, we saw just how much the Buckley parents never liked Buck's presence and what his presence alone meant — that Daniel was dead, and having a third child was pretty much "useless".

They didn't care about his presence in their lives, but his existence was something that would always and forever bother them deep inside, for they could never move on from their loss or love the ones they still had.

Buck didn't know it, though, and he only felt like he wasn't enough — because, for his parents and for Daniel, he kind of wasn't. Although Margaret and Philip never loved him the way he deserved to be loved, Buck, as a kid, craved for that affection he never got to get.

Until the bike accident.

That was a twist in Buck's life, because he found out that "hey! There's a way for me to feel loved, even if just for a moment!". By bleeding, and hurting, and nearly killing himself.

Unhealthy coping mechanisms for his loneliness had always followed Evan Buckley, in the end.

It made sense, though: a temporary pain for a temporary love. A risk he was willing to take if it meant that, somehow, he would be loved.

(if we go deep into this thought, we may find out that, unconsciously, firefighting might have a bit to do with this part of his life — and his actions might be a bit suicidal, but I'll make a post about it later).

Now, about Taylor Kelly. And the pattern.

I suppose my point is quite obvious, now, but I'll make it clear anyway.

In the treasure hunt episode (that I never really knew the name, so I apologize) Taylor friend-zoned with all the words and the intentions.

Buck understood and accepted it, and done. That's it. Yay, life goes on (Eddie's almost doesn't, but that's pretty much routine by now).

Then, he almost dies (because he could've been in Eddie's place and could've died trying to save his best friend), and Taylor shows up at the hospital.

I have two points to make out of that scene:

1. The way he thought she was there for the clout and not for him in any way.

Let's agree that it was depressing and heartbreaking. Firstly because Buck couldn't believe no one would be there to check on him ("I wasn't the one who got shot"), and secondly because Buck couldn't believe that Taylor would do that.

Taylor, out of all people. Because he knows her, but doesn't trust her. She's a reporter that does anything for her career and puts it in front of everything and everyone. So why wouldn't she do the same about the whole situation? Why would it be different when it's Buck?

2. She looked out for him when he was possibly injured and dying.

And that — that — is a type of love Buck's far too familiar with. The love, the affection that only comes to him when he isn't whole anymore — if he's missing some tissue, maybe a leg, probably an eye, and most likely his life.

And I just think it's so interesting to see how he said he never felt like he was enough — not for Abby, nor Ali, and even less for Taylor — even when he was reminder of that (at the hospital, by Eddie).

He is only seen when there's a chance he might not exist anymore. He is only important when he is in a hospital bed. He is only wanted when there's a chance he might die.

Buck spent all his life only being seen, chosen, and loved when he couldn't even stand on his own two feet.

And Taylor did just the same.

[madamewriterofwrongs]

ooh for the july prompt list can you do 28 + buddie

For you, darling, anything!

July Prompt List

28. “Just by existing and by letting me speak to you, you give me an immense amount.”

Without Question

“No, no, I’m serious, Eddie.” Buck let his beer slosh over the coffee table as he emphatically pointed at his best friend. He could clean up later; there were more important things happening at the moment. “You, need to get laid.”

On the carpet across from him, Eddie threw his head back in a groan of frustration. “Not this again, Buck, I told you.” He had, in fact, told Buck three times since arriving and subsequently leaving the bar with their friends, but it bared repeating. “I am not interested in hook-ups. I need a relationship – with someone Christopher would approve of.” At least, Eddie hoped that’s what he said (words were a bit fuzzy in his head at the moment). “I don’t need to get laid; I need to get married.”

That seemed to sober Buck just a little, his mouth drooping downwards. “You’re ready to get married again?”

Eddie found himself doing his best impression of that singing bass (weren’t brains funny at 3am?), thinking of the right answer. “No. Yes? Maybe. I hadn’t really thought about it but yeah” he eventually decided. “If I’m going to put myself out there again, it’s going to be with someone I can see a future with.”

“How are you supposed to know that on a first date?” Very good question, Buck. Eddie’s face scrunched in on itself as he sought the answer.

“I don’t know that I know what it would look like to meet that person.” Buck’s eyes were really blue when his face was red from too much alcohol. They were like an ocean in a storm. What?

“Okay.” Buck slammed his bottle onto the coffee table with so much force, it shattered their eardrums but he was already crawling to his feet.

He was halfway into the kitchen when Eddie finally realized that Buck was gone and called out “where did you go?”

Suddenly Buck was back where he started (had he even left?) throwing himself to the ground, now with a pen and a piece of what looked like old mail. “That looks important.”

“This is important-er” Buck insisted, leaning his weight against the edge of the table, giving his full attention to the paper stuffed under his forearm. “We’re going to figure this out.”

“Figure what out?”

Buck rolled his eyes and nearly hit his head on the table in the process. Should they really be doing this now? Well, if not now, then when?

“We’re going to figure out the perfect person for you” he declared with the confidence of a man who would have a splitting headache and a few bruises in the morning.

“You have a rolodex of every person on the planet that we can go through?” Eddie scoffed, taking another ill-advised drink.

Buck stared at Eddie too long for either of them to properly see straight, eyes forced wide before he inevitably fell asleep. “A rolodex? What are you, fifty?” Before he could process Buck’s words, they were moving on. “No, we’re going to write down exactly what you’re looking for in a partner, so that when you do meet someone, you’ll know they’re the one.”

Seemed reasonable enough. Buck was so smart sometimes, but sometimes he was an idiot (like that time he tried to pet a dog after they found it covered in – what they thought at the time was – blood. It turned out to be ketchup from where his owner had collapsed from a heart attack in the middle of making lunch). Buck was probably the dumbest smart person he knew. But in a really smart way.

“Okay.” Eddie leaned forward to match his friend’s position across the coffee table. “What’s first?”

Buck squinted at the paper, waiting for it to reveal its secrets. Just as quickly, he perked up and began to scribble.

“Number one: good looking.”

Eddie scoffed, wiping his spit from the table with his sleeve. “Why is that the first thing on the list?”

“Because” Buck drew out emphatically. “The whole goal is to get you laid. If you don’t find them attractive, then this whole experiment is for not.”

It was Eddie’s turn to roll his eyes so hard he felt dizzy. “Now who’s fifty?”

In lieu of a response, Buck went back to his scribbling. “Number two: they have to love Christopher.”

“That is an absolute must.” Anyone he was with had to love Christopher the way Buck did – with his whole heart. He really was a great person.

“Three: someone who understands your schedule. Being a firefighter is not a 9-5 thing; they have to be prepared for late nights and crazy danger.” Buck’s face twisted as he wrote, into something Eddie recognized as hurt. It took him a little longer to realize why that sadness was marring that pretty face. He slowly reached out a hand to touch his wrist. Buck shouldn’t feel like he was alone, or that Ali leaving was his fault. He deserved to know that there was someone who wanted to be with him – despite the schedules and the dangers. His eyes really were so perfectly blue; even when they were starring at him hopefully. Especially then.

Eddie opened his mouth but nothing came out so he closed it again, hoping the lack of oxygen would help him remember. He didn’t remove his hand right away.

Buck spent the next forty minutes emphatically telling Eddie exactly what his ideal person would be, with Eddie adding commentary here and there to make sure Buck got the wording right (maybe, things were still a bit hazy).

At the end of everything, there were ten items on the list. Ten items for the perfect partner for Eddie. Now all he had to do was find that person. He stared at Buck, proudly handing Eddie the paper for him to tuck into his back pocket, and something of a smile rose to his lips. Finding that person would be the easy part, thought Drunk Eddie. All he had to do was remember the list and even his sober counter-part (as obtuse as he was – excellent word choice, Drunk Eddie) would able to figure it out.

Just to be sure, Eddie waited until Buck stumbled towards the bathroom for the third time, before he retrieved the list from his back pocket and added an eleventh item.

There. Easy as pie.

Thoughts of delicious, sugar-filled pastries, had Eddie stumbling up the stairs to the master bathroom. Why did he think getting drunk at Hen’s birthday party was a good idea? He was not in his twenties anymore. This shit had consequences.

Of course, he expected those consequences to be a massive hangover and some second-hand embarrassment (which he did have). What he wasn’t expecting, was to wake up with his arm around the waist of a half-naked Buck.

Well that was new.

The soft smile on his face as he watched Buck’s even breathing, so calm and safe, was also…not that new. Certainly not one he’d ever experienced while sleeping shirtless in his best friend’s bed, obviously; but being happy that Buck was peaceful and all right was something Eddie experienced on a daily basis.

He carefully pulled his arm away from that – surprisingly soft – abdomen, and rolled onto his back as naturally as he could without waking the other man. If Buck woke up to them cuddling like that, there might need to be a discussion about why he felt so comfortable like that; and morning afters were not the time for existential wanderings.

Not that this was a ‘morning after’. It was the morning after a night of heavy drinking and clearly neither of them were fit to drive, let alone sleep on the couch without hurting themselves. Buck’s bed was big enough for two grown men to rest comfortably (not that they seemed to be using half of the space) so it made sense that they would share.

Yup, perfectly reasonable. Anything else – like his heart beating out of his chest with longing – was just an aftershock of the abhorrent amount of alcohol they’d consumed.

Who thought any of that was a good idea?

Oh right. Christopher was away at camp and Buck had dragged him to Hen’s birthday party; where she’d loudly declared that for one damn night, she wanted to celebrate everything she’d accomplished with her closest friends, consequences be damned. Which, of course, meant that several rounds of tequila shots were ordered in honor of the birthday girl. He vaguely recalled Karen getting exasperatedly drunk beside her wife, which encouraged Eddie to drink his loneliness away. Which seemed to have led back to Buck’s apartment.

There were definitely some dots missing there.

Namely, why he’d let himself sleep in his jeans but not his shirt (in Buck’s bed!).

Before he could even attempt to make connections, the body beside him began to stir, and the peaceful rest on Buck’s face soured into disgruntled pain.

“What died in my mouth?” He chewed on the words as they left his lips, leaving Eddie to dodge a few flailing limbs as Buck returned to the living. A few more scrapes of his tongue against his teeth seemingly had Buck satisfied that he wouldn’t get the taste out of his mouth without help, so he rolled over to check the time on his phone, only to find a body in the way.

“Eddie?” he groaned against the morning light through his window. “What are you doing here?”

The firefighter tried to shake his head but found it only made his stomach protest harder than it had been already. “We are too old to be drinking this much” he hoarsely declared.

Buck’s reply was swallowed by his retreating form as he stumbled towards the bathroom to empty the contents of his bad decision. Eddie let his head fall back against the pillow, the only sounds in the apartment becoming Buck’s retching, and Eddie’s painful decision to forget everything about last night.

Stumbling through the door of his bedroom a few hours later (Buck had insisted on taking him out for a greasy breakfast before dropping him off at home), Eddie had just enough mental energy to toss his clothes vaguely near the hamper before jumping in the shower and then straight to bed. He had never been so grateful for a day off in his life.

Much like the night before, Eddie remembered very little of the day he slept away; those 24 hours became a blip in the string of time that carried no real significance in his life and was happily forgotten.

When doing laundry a few days later, he did find a piece of Buck’s mail folded into the back pocket of his jeans. So, he tossed it onto the ever-growing pile of things on his dining room table colloquially called ‘things that need to be returned to Buck’s eventually’, and thought nothing of it.

It would be another month before Eddie thought about the letter or the night that time forgot.

Hosting random get-togethers for the firefighters and paramedics of the 118 (along with their families, of course) was practically a bi-weekly tradition at this point. Whoever was available would offer their space, and everyone was welcomed in, bringing food and drinks and games. It was one of Eddie’s favourite things about being a part of the 118: the inherent companionship. He had never been a part of anything where it was just assumed that he would have a babysitter, or someone to barbeque for two dozen people in his backyard, or drive him to the hospital when his grandmother broke her hip. No matter what was going on, they could always rely on each other.

He loved the family he’d built at the 118.

So what if he was a little lonely sometimes; he was never alone and that was just as good. Still, maybe it was time for him to put himself out there again. The idea of dating – of random hookups and dead-end dinners – felt exhausting (and not at all what he needed). What else could he do, though?

Luckily, it was his turn to host, so no matter how he was feeling, it would soon be replaced with joy and contentment and laughter. But first, he needed to clean up.

As was tradition, Eddie grabbed the pile of things on his table lovingly titled ‘things that should get back to Buck’s but likely never will’ and shoved them onto his bed until their guests had left for the evening. One of these days, he would remember to tell Buck about all the things of his that had accumulated at the Diaz house over the years (a spare charger, a hat, a few bits of mail he would bring over when he was helping Eddie with tax season – or Eddie was helping him, they weren’t really sure). Small things that might not be missed, but also a spare tooth brush, a pair of sweatpants, and a book he’d only ever seen Buck read at his dining room table while Christopher did his homework.

Maybe he should just get Buck a drawer for his things and then he wouldn’t have to lug it around every time he had company over.

The doorbell rang, sending Eddie sprinting to throw everything onto his bed so he could answer the door in a timely manner.

He loved having a full house. It made everything feel lived in. Sure, he strived to ensure that Christopher’s room (and any room his son spent a lot of time in) was warm and inviting. But there was something about 20 people crammed into the small sections of his house, filling the air with love, that made his house feel like home.

It also meant that there was a mess everywhere. He really didn’t mind it – part of having a big family was accepting that there would be a mess sometimes. With so many little ones running around, however (especially one who wasn’t so steady on his feet), it was best to keep the floors and corners tidy as much as possible.

That was when Eddie noticed a folded-up piece of paper on the floor of the hallway leading to his bedroom. It must have been a some of Buck’s mail that fell when he ran to get the door. An easy enough fix. Curiously, he unfolded the paper for the first time, just to see if it was something important.

Just a flier for some new gym Buck was on the mailing list for. Nothing special.

He turned it over to see the writing on the back, expecting contact info for a trainer or something equally relevant.

1.       Someone good looking (you have to want to bone them or it’s all for not don’t make fun of me for using that phrase it’s rude)

He recognized Buck’s messy handwriting straight away. What he couldn’t remember was why he’d written some sort of list on the back.

2.       Someone who loves Christopher (obviously that kid is your whole world so he has to be theirs too)

Okay, so this had something to do with Christopher, it probably had something to do with Eddie, too.

3.       Someone who understands your schedule/lifestyle (your job is important to you and you need someone who gets that)

Eddie stared at the page, memories of too much tequila and not enough inhibitions flooded back to him.

4.       Someone who will make you a priority (you need to make you a priority too you know)

Buck had written him a list of things he should be looking for in a partner, that much he remembered now. The commentary scrawled beside the list, however, was new.

5.       Someone kind (you’re so kind you need someone whose just as kind and appreciates your kindness because you’re so kind)

Eddie found himself dragging his feet towards the sounds of people, eyes still glued to the page.

6.       Someone smart (not like a doctor or anything but you have to be able to hold a conversation obviously)

He’d laid it out so simply that night; told Eddie exactly the type of person who would make him happy. How could Buck know that?

7.       Someone loyal (you deserve someone as loyal as you Eddie you stick by people even when they’re awful jerks who almost screwed up the best thing they ever had)

Eddie couldn’t breathe, head buzzing with the sincerity in Buck’s words, even sloppily written on the back of a flier.

8.       Someone who makes you laugh (I wish you could laugh more I like your laugh)

Someone called out to him – maybe the real Buck – but he was trapped in the memories of this world of possibilities.

9.       Someone who can read you (not read to you idiot you need someone who knows what your face means because you don’t always say things out loud but you do say a lot)

The new voice was in front of him now, reaching out to him, trying to pull him to the present, but he refused to leave.

10.   Someone who makes you feel safe (you make me feel safe)

And there it was; the list of qualities for Eddie’s perfect partner. The person who he could marry – because he remembered telling Buck that he wanted someone he could marry (that’s where the list had originated). It seemed an impossible task to find someone who fit all ten items on the list.

And yet.

Underneath it all, Eddie recognized his own handwriting, as messy as it was. The note he’d written himself so Sober Eddie would remember who it was that fit every criterion.

11.   Someone who’ll stay

When he finally found the strength to raise his eyes to meet the real Buck’s, he was breathless all over again. The concern, the absolute care on his face, tipped Eddie over the edge.

“It’s you.”

Buck ducked his head but didn’t physically retreat; he was still so close, all-encompassing – the same way he’d ingratiated himself into the Diaz family long ago.

“What’s me?”

Wordless, Eddie presented the list for Buck to read. He watched the journey of emotions play through like a slideshow from confusion, to embarrassment, to realization, to confusion once again, mixed with painfully unending hope.

“I didn’t mean me when I wrote this.”

How had he not seen it before? How could Eddie have been so blind?

“But I do.” His eyes really were like the ocean, weren’t they. Even sober, he could stare into them forever.

“Marry me?”

Buck’s chest expanded with the weight of Eddie’s question, eyes wide in a disbelief that made him feel giddy; knowing Buck was just as stunned by these turn of events as he was. The fact that neither of them had run away screaming in horror, had to be a good sign.

“What the hell is going on?”

In hindsight, Eddie should have known better than to have his earth-shattering realization in front of their friends and family. Everyone was too nosey for their own good. Just because he’d suddenly proposed to Buck despite the fact that they were not dating.

He’d just proposed to Buck despite the fact that they weren’t dating.

Athena called out to the boys again when neither answered. “Does someone want to clue me in?”

Buck turned back to Eddie, a calm smile on his face – the same peace that he’d had when they were lying in bed together (visions of memorizing his sleeping face filled his hope to the brim).

“Eddie and I are getting married.” Buck spoke loudly enough for everyone to hear, but his announcement was just for Eddie. The only word he had left to describe his beating heart was ‘disbelief’.

He’d just proposed to Buck despite the fact that they weren’t dating. And he’d said yes.

He should be more panicked. He should run away screaming. Ask to take it all back. What the hell was he thinking? Asking his best friend to marry him because of a list that seemed too good to be true. Just because Buck ticked every box that said they were perfect for each other. Just because Buck wanted him back, just as deliriously.

How could he not embrace it all?

The noises that erupted from their family was drowned out by the thrumming of his heart when Buck pulled him in for a kiss punctuated by the infectious laughter bubbling in his chest.

The list floated to the floor as Eddie wrapped both arms around his fiancé (holy shit, he had a fiancé), to be retrieved after everyone had gone home. Buck and Eddie would talk about everything – sit Christopher down with them to make sure he was as happy as he seemed as well – and the list would eventually make its way to their bedside table.

On their first anniversary, Eddie would present it to Buck in a frame, and they would hang it in their bedroom as a reminder of the night their drunken selves figured out what it took them years to discover.

Their perfect partner.