#there isnt really any point to this post im just having fun and hanging out. chatting

[muirneach]

mom and i found a bunch of walnut trees near the river so that’s exciting for fall we get to have walnuts my favourite nut. also check this out when u put bleach on the otherwise yellow stain that unripe nuts have it turns red isn’t that wild

[angelicdanvers]

BREATHE DEEPER | five.

a charlie bushnell x fem!reader social media fic.

levizmiller

liked by y/n, dior.n.goodjohn, leahsavajeffries, and others

levizmiller — she won at pool. again.

tagged | y/n

y/n hey at least we got drinks ↳ levizmiller true ↳ walker.scobell YOU CAN DRINK??? ↳ y/n technically yes BUT i settle for virgins

dior.n.goodjohn best duo loading?! ↳ levizmiller YES

user i lowk shipp ↳ user2 nah they prob friends ↳ user3 ay no need to speculate 😭

y/n

liked by levizmiller, dior.n.goodjohn, walker.scobell, and others

y/n — prep for the jumpscare at the end

tagged | levizmiller

levizmiller 😭

walker.scobell i wanna be your age ↳ y/n in like five years buddy

walker.scobell also levizmiller your physique is ELITE ↳ levizmiller thank you walker :)

leahsavajeffries YOU GUYS ARE SO COOL ↳ y/n that’s our goal >:)

iamcharliebushnell hope ur having fun! ↳ y/n thanks!

dior.n.goodjohn YOURE SO HOT ↳ y/n BABES YOU ALL YOU

user2 not charlie becoming less and less consistent ↳ user4 fr man this is sad

GALILEO’S GALS

forbidden child added cutie patootie

↳ HI ARYAN OKAY SO UH I NEED YALLS HELP i think you guys were right

cutie patootie aw what’s wrong?

chanel’s enemy uh oh

↳ yeaaah so is charlie mad at me??? for hanging out with levi?

lee lee he shouldn’t be, he doesn’t have a reason to because even tho all of us are close it’s still your life yk

chanel’s enemy i second that, and if he does that also means SOMETHING if yk what i mean

dr dre im not even gonna sugarcoat, his comment seems so passive 😭

↳ welp i’ve screwed up big time 😃

cutie patootie i mean he’s okay around walker and i. he did keep talking about you at one point last night when we were watching moon knight literally made us pause the ep and just spoke of you

chanel’s enemy BRO UR GONNA HAVE TO SAY MORE ELSE WE’LL JUST ASSUME HE’S GOT A CRUSH ON HER

cutie patootie idk bro it just seemed to me that he missed her a lot. he kept saying how he wanted to take her to egypt esp a restaurant by the pyramids considering y/n still hasn’t been and other places

chanel’s enemy ong he deffo should if he likes her, he should actually ask her out before anyone else does take her to a nice lil restaurant, get her flowers, whatnot

cutie patootie yeah fr

↳ yall pls tell me youre not speculating he likes me

dr dre omfg Y/N ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION TO ANY OF THESE DETAILS

↳ yes but im choosing to ignore them for the sake of my sanity

lee lee GIRL HE PROBABLY LIKES YOU IF IT ISNT THAT, THEN ITS BECAUSE WALKER SAID LEVI’S PHYSIQUE WAS GREAT AND HE ONLY EVER USED TO SAY THAT TO CHARLIE

↳ YEAH BUT CHARLIE’S MATURE

dr dre is he tho guys do dumb shit when they like a girl

↳ he doesnt like me 😭

cutie patootie ANYWAYS i'd keep my eyes and ears open if i were you, y/n, you definitely didn’t screw up but if you're worried abt charlie maybe just be a tad bit more careful?

↳ gotcha, no more levi posts then?

chanel’s enemy i mean ofc you can post him, it shouldn't be anyone's business as to who you're posting, but idk it's so hard to explain like don't get me wrong i think you should post whomever you wish but hopefully it won't hurt anyone. i mean you're not with anyone controversial so it shouldn't be a big deal anyways, plus if someone cough charlie cough can't fess up their feelings it's on THEM not YOU

↳ i definitely get that, thank you for the insight you guys :) it’s just tough because i really don’t know how i feel either

chanel’s enemy WAIT WHAT i did NOT expect that response

↳ i can't help it idk my emotions are all over the place right now

chanel’s enemy GIRL YOURE NOT A BOP STOP ACTING LIKE ONE

↳ RIGHT SORRY 💀 K PLEASE HELP THO

cutie patootie okok miss y/n do you, or do you not, have a crush on levi?

↳ i do not

chanel’s enemy okok MISS y/n l/n would you rather be MRS. y/n bushnell?

↳ DIOR WTF MAN

dr dre well THAT got a reaction out of her

↳ ugh but he's cute and he’s so sweet and he’s so charming too he texts me every morning no matter what timezone i’m in and he gave my mom flowers when he first met her too he’s so smart, both emotionally and intellectually like doing math with him is just >>>>

lee lee girl. GIRL.

chanel’s enemy LMFAOOO MATH 💀 she down bad BAD

dr dre you see there’s a river in egypt…

cutie patootie AND YOU STILL THINK THIS IS PLATONIC??

↳ OKAY OKAY fuck i like charlie don’t i

chanel’s enemy OH YOU DO YOU DEFINITELY DO

cutie patootie YOU LITERALLY WORRY ABOUT HOW HE FEELS ABOUT YOU ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU HANG OUT WITH YOU'RE DOWN BAD N/N

↳ aw shit man WHAT DO I DO

chanel's enemy MAKE A SUBTLE MOVE ASAP

lee lee HANG OUT WITH HIM SOON

dr dre MAKE A SHORT FILM

cutie patootie YES THATS PERFECT

↳ guys this is too hard i dont like this

chanel's enemy STFU YOU WILL DO THIS WE ARE HERE BAE 💪

↳ OKOK LOVE YOU GUYS LEMME TRY THIS OUT

— taglist.

@shokocoded @istillremeberthefirstfallofsnow @surftrips @svtsimp22 @thames-fig @captainshischier @reggieslifeboat @multifandom-loser @wheelerslover @mermaid-mqtel @randomnpc456 @kaithoughs @isab3lita @mariposa555 @sunshinessky @myr-cheri @thedeadlynights @ella33 @c1nn4mng1rl @poppysrin @breadbrobin @lucy-the-ant @jules-loves-lukecastellan @taloulalila @tom-pls-fuck-me @mia-luvs @iknowyoureabigfan @rinisfruity14 @chasebeth @auttumnsayshi @prettygirlformula @alwayswndr @balletfilmss @kestisvrse @1forthemoney2forthekish @eissaaaa @emelia07 @toffytaste @soulaires @bearwon @happy-mushrooms @simrah1012 @blimp-blimp @obxstiles @yuminako @hopexcroc @mackycat11 @knowugetdejavu @0puddleofgender0 @callsignwidow @i-heart-emos @eddiesdrummergf @suckerforblondies @homebyeleven @bookworm-center @kawliflo @https-evan2 @ihrtzku @strawberryapplesauce13 @captainshischier @vbbaby-girl @honeysmoonn @itssmandiee @kinderwh0r3 @willsdills @americanbluebirdrb @bokutos-biddys @ln4author @lqclercs @czennieszn @laveens-pearl @inlovewithcarsthatrunreallyfast @aerangi @taygrls @ilamara @hanjiiberry

hi my loves! i am so so sorry for disappearing for a bit, school was getting horrible during the second semester and i found very little motivation. i rested all of july and i am hoping to update this series, along with posting a luke one i've written for the past few months, throughout this month! i think i've mostly tagged all the people that requested to be a part of the taglist, forgive me if i missed you or tagged you twice.

how are you guys doing?

please stay safe and drink water, i'm proud of you <333

[neonfretra]

does anyone want to discuss hrpf outside of shipping + written fic context . because i think about where what i do sits in relation to it all

for brevity i will be referring to the real person as the player and the fictionalized interpretation of the player as the character

to get things outta the way, i dont think theres very much you can say about real life people before you start crossin into real person fiction (rpf) territory LOL

transformative art is rpf. speculation is rpf. narratives is rpf. the second you start steppin away from a direct relay of the facts as is, we gettin in ficticious waters IMO. its really a neutral thing to me and my ethics begin and end at "dont show people who dont wanna see"

and its real funny to think about how i do art just because it feels like i set up way less barriers compared to people who DO write fic . i see all this talk about making sure you make your stuff login exclusive, about not sharin it to the people involved, disclaimers about how its in fact NOT a reflection of reality that your favorite athlete is mpregnant and YOU are are mfather.

and i just hit post and call it a day LOL

TO BE CLEAR there is definitely layers to it in the sense that i see similar amounts of caution with say ship art or certain degrees of raunch.

shipping in the rpf scene is funny to me in the sense of the tendency to treat shipping as THE exclusive rpf thing. like no i dont think my tomas tatar fanart is 1:1 on the reality front either. for example, nj devils hairline is not that far back and thags the only inaccuracy.

heres the kicker: mmy foot.

most of my doodles tend to evoke a degree of characterization or narrative. yeag maybe its a little less 30k slowburn and a little more fabian zetterlund shot putting a man but. that is fictional, that is a character

im not saying that rpf defines players more than the reality of them does but i do believe it does enforce certain views

in the spaces i hang around ive noticed the narrativization around certain characters being part fueled by the information that is filtered by reporters and part interpretations bounced back and forth by fandom . and when you have eyes on a story, its easy to pick out information solely as it agrees with you

maybe the most prominent narrative ive seen for the sharks has been macklin celebrini having a jock dad -> therefore he got daddy issues, joe thornton houses him -> therefore mentor and father figure joe thornton? where even though i havent seen any direct relay of information from any players (though ivent been looking LOL) a lot of the discussion around it revolves around this common understanding that it just is (the funnier part is arguably that will smith hockey has been doing more for this narrative for patrick marleau BUT NEITHER HERE NOR THERE.)

and its really interesting to note HOW fandom warps or weaves the story by going off common tropes or dynamics to make sense of the public facing parts we do see, which is what i think is magnified through the lens of fanworks but not (necessarily) CREATED by fanworks

which is where i feel my work is part of the. ecosystem??? life cycle??? and then we all return to the dirt and the worms eat us???

how much or how little we define the gap between player and character changes from person to person. i simply do not have that goin on here. devin cooley eats joey daccords hair take it or leave it. annnnd main tag that

other times i feel we wear the divide thin are when there is headcanon that uses facts about the player (ie a lot of ship talk) or when the character becomes the kneejerk understanding of the player (ie liveblogs. very fun way to get a read of a communitys feelings on something because of how immediate the reactions on it are)

the point of this post isnt to shame or interrogate people about participating in rpf, im not looking for those sort of feelings, im fascinated by fandom culture as a twig off the old branch and i would love to hear other perspectives on the same topic (and different communities! i dont have much involvement in fic. which is. a massive hole in my perspective on this probably)

is it possible to cross the line from rpf to plain old original content LOL (the answer is intent i know but. walk with me here its fun to think about)

naturally theres a degree of "original character" to every depiction . you gotta make up some amount of it. theres no clear separation OF rpf and original content because everything is about borrowing. you make characters with inspiration from other things. its near enough universal for someone who deals with characters to have at some point lifted a character directly out of their original context and made them their own.

its not just their face or name or some other physical attribute that makes it rpf id also argue because i have seen people using attributes of real people as "claims" for origubal characters (like a "faceclaim" to say "this is how i imagine my character to look")

on top of that there is fluctuating interest on actually depicting the player, with approaches that i have heard of ranging from "character that shares the quantitative aspects of the player and thats IT" to "character that was made heavily referencing to things the player has said/done"

its interesting when certain players in rpf have a consistent character! which trends to be in teams with a more active rpf oriented fanbase (vs interest mainly in the real life hockey played), comparing the fandom of kraken to the golden knights on tumblr for instance. its also interesting to note that more popular teams just have more rpf centric leans. because there are more people to write rpf. i mean also we are on a fandom centric site and rpf bridges that gap from narrative/character fueled media and sportsball more LOL

(if you like sports from a purely sports oriented angle do you enjoy watching it? genuine question. because at what point is it "i could just be doing this myself" because ive hit that point with other things before LMAO)

i do call the difference being more "fandom" oriented but IDK if thats correctly using the word or just less syllables. and on top of that i cant exactly tell you if its popularity or stand out personality that holds more sway. though then again i guess those two traits arent separate from each other necessarily. or even that those are the only two factors to broad appeal (probably popularity with another player is up there. but im not trying to find a formula for most attractive to make rpf of)

to return to the kraken because that is the most rpf oriented team i follow, i do notice when players portrayed consistently. i can definitely tell you like. one or two character traits about players i do not follow the media of solely from liveblogs and art. complexity of the character varies by a lot, though i do think its interesting to consider the hows and whys.

a trait or interest being highlighted by media (i tend to see this in offical media coverage that gets spread by jokes) -> the character heavily revolves around this feature in jokes or casual reference, with heavy personal interpretation

media pushing a narrative by following a more cohesive timeline or story structure (i usually see this in fanworks. easier to identify the influence of IMO) -> fairly consistent character backstory or , at least in the broad strokes of it

just general agreements about tropes that are appealing with little basis on the player -> this is usually the more relationship focused character interpretation

there isnt usually just one factor (and this isnt an exhaustive list of factors) to one characters history. unless its a super new player on the radar.

its definitely a character that belongs to the fandom! as in the unique character to the unique community! its actually really funny how they evolve. you could probably fingerprint someones influences if you tried hard enough. with how new the kraken is (and the fact the fandom leans more towards being united as one body than any other team ive seen so far) it does get pretty easy to get it down to the post but. do your own treasure search. I wont deprive you!

(also its EMBARASSING... what if the people i mention SEE... im SHY...)

harder with an older fandom like the sharks there are so many dead and defunct sources or jokes so widely spread that it gets hard to locate the origin . because dead and defunct sources. though i think its growing a new ring around the fandom tree because of the newer players! so its a thought. to think about how different events influence the size and activity of a fanbase and to ask how different fans from different. eras? of a fanbase interact (or dont).

again i notice this in the sharks fandoms by comparing fans from the playoff contending sharks era (last playoff season was 18-19? start is a little murky but ill toss out that 2012 was the year tomas hertl was drafted because tomas hertl was an era of the sharks LOL a whole 12 years! i know people younger than his professional career and those people are catching up to me in height. humbling!) and fans from when the sharks were very much not playoff contending (quite an amount of the current active fans LOL). not sure if theres much to say without looking stupid. different jokes, notable players, friend groups, feelings towards other teams. all still feel very strongly about general manager mike grier scattering players like dandellion seeds to the wind.

(AGAIN. HOPING NO SHARKS FANS NOTICE THIS. IM SHY)

how many sharks fans havent seen logan couture on ice

again i am saying all this as someone who ACTIVELY participates in this BTW!!! does anyone notice that players i dont know definitely have a flatter "whatever is the funniest thing to say" angle . or that characters of players i know a few things about have like one punchline . or even that certain characters are consistent and not just bound by direct interpretations of one moment (which i do a lot of when im liveblogging) (dont get your hopes up for anything new here, the character usually is "pathetic and a little bit of a bastard")

i keep writing these disclaimers like. if someone disagreed this strongly they would not be reading this far. hi! is anyone still here. is someone still reading.

i have created life and i dont know to kill it.

i talk about one of my depictions of a player as a separate character (that is to say, a SEPARATE character from the character intended to represent the player) and i have NO idea if this is like. an OC? a defamation case in waiting? my spawn? do i have to pay childcare. does anyone know who or what im talking about or has the character been festering in my mind like an infection.

is it just me???

my advice to you: if you dont want somethin to come back dont give it a name.

consider dissecting your personal and the more widespread fandoms take on players and characters! its fun for me but i also just like taking things apart ^_^ i fear i may not be as analytical as this post demands i do a lot of restating information and thats it

[just-some-guy-joust]

Just Some Guy OC Tourney - Side B: Round 1

Rules:

do NOT be mean to anyone or any characters in these polls. you MUST clarify if you are joking/teasing or you will be blocked. if you are someone who entered an oc into this and you are mean to other contestants you will be disqualified

do NOT claim a character doesn't deserve to be here. yes including your own. be nice

if you are posting propaganda you have to tag us, including if your propaganda is in the reblogs. it is difficult to tell when something is or isn't propaganda. anything not tagging us will likely be missed

please don't hesitate to let me know if i messed something up!

have fun, hype each other up <3 thank you

Lilly | She/her | @pocket-ghostie

CW: Child death

Lilly is a ghost who has found other ghosts and is hanging out <3 Almost all of the plot is happening around her. Thats actually a major plot point in the story, things are happening to the people she cares about... but nothing is really happening to her. She is simply hanging out and doesn't know what to do about the plot, but it keeps going without her doing anything. I don't have much to say about her, I only have things to say about the people around her.

Promos: Toyhouse link: https://toyhou.se/21226516.lilly

~

Cobblestone Mason | He/him | @splatoonmaster69

CW: Unreality

A regular human fighter youve seen a thousand times. I promise. NEURODIVERGENCY JUMPSCARE.

~

Full images and descriptions under the cut!

Minor spoilers for the story <3 Lilly finds out that her brother accidentally murdered her and she freaks out bc that's wild. But then she forgives him and everything is fine. She finds out that her dad has turned into a monster and she does nothing about it but avoids him. Her mom starts trying to control her, and she just waits for her friends to help her because she knows they will. She is so so tired of The Plot and doesn't know what to do about it. So she just... doesn't deal with it. She is hanging out, she is simply a lovely litty girl who is going through the horrors <3 Her friends don't even know that much about her, except for her family. She doesn't even know that much about herself. She knows she likes flowers, and having fun... but she doesn't quite know what fun is to her. She kinda gets left behind by the plot in a sense, even though shes the main character. (But I still love her very very much, she is my baby and no one can hurt her <3)

[no image provided]

A "regular" "human" "fighter" NEURODIVERGENCY + "NEURODIVERGENCY" JUMPSCARE. So. By all accounts he really is just some guy i promise. In his head he is just a human fighter, boring as possible, average guy. Sure he has schizophrenia but hes not gonna let that stop him! The only issue is that he lives in a fantasy world, so his doctor really shouldve checked whether it was schizophrenia or mind reading. Yeah most of the time its the formor but if it isnt your kindof fucked And since he already hears voices, theres no way he'd understand that the new threatening voice in his head was his cool new sword that he found at a digsite. and that the little dragon following him around is his familar, not the dragonborn party members son.

As for the human part. he very well could be but im not gonna think about it too hard

anyways if you ignore all that other stuff hes basically just a regular guy for real. he has a passion for archeology and studying long dead civilizations, he likes animals, especially dragons. he collects trinkets that remind him of people he loves and wishes the voices in his head werent so mean because he knows his friends care about him and doesnt want to doubt that. Hes a regular ass guy!

[itsbebebe]

So I got bored and decided to binge rewatch some deltarune theory videos and now I'm writing this i guess. I dont hang out too much in the deltarune tumblr tags so idk how much of this is spewing well agreed ideas already but...

Its interesting to me how susie and noelle have this sort of order v chaos thing in terms of their narrative roles. (This is looking like a long post so ill be kind and add a cut here)

Susie is like the character that drills the "your choices dont matter" concept into you (the player - if im referring to kris in this post ill use their name). Not only is she the first to say it but the main times where you make a choice and it doesnt matter are because theyre stopped by susie. Iirc, the only power you have over susie in her segments in both chapters are in puzzle solving (something that actively aids her in her goal). During both the lancer battle and the ferris wheel scene you cannot change what happens. You just have to sit there and watch. Not only that, but susie also can straight up override your decisions in moments like when you try and decide who to go with at the crossroads in chapter 2. You also cannot stop Susie fighting at the start of chapter 1. Some of the few choices that you do make (how you design the thrash machine in chapter 1, speaking to onion san in chapter 1 in hometown) are specifically done when susie isnt around to stop you.

Susie, intentionally or not, forces some order upon the story. She helps force the beads down their designated path, or whatever that metaphor in the hospital is.

However, in chapter 2, susie, by her own choice, leaves for a while and its our new party member who allows us to make a big choice that will matter. Snowgrave. Ive seen people point out before that the snowgrave route really parallels noelles history with game bugs (shown mainly through the sweepstakes blog posts) as the route feels like a game break. In fact it is a game break, considering you are supposed to not have any meaningful choices and do the normal route. It sort of makes it seem like Noelle herself facillitated the route. Not only that, but Noelle (likely due to insecurities in her relationship with Kris) lets you make a lot of choices when you are with her. (I think it could even been argued noelles presence allows you to override susies tendency to stop you making choices in the cutscene at the start of chapter 2).

So Noelle allows you to make the choices, allows the chaos. Susie keeps you on a set road, enforces the order.

This is a fun frame on their relationship. If you told me there was 2 characters, one of which was a girl who was a known rulebreaker and bully and the others was a girl who was top of her class and the mayors daughter, and asked me to tell you which one was chaos and which one was order, i would get it wrong! (It also seems like a good framework to throw some tragedy upon their relationship but lets not think about that rn)

But now if you are anything like me you will be thinking "where do ralsei and kris (as our other 2 established main characters) fall onto this chaos v order paradigm we have established?"

Lets start with kris, as their position feels more quantifiable. Kris does what you tell them. By our established parameters that should make them more chaos leaning. However, Kris will actively stop you from affecting how each chapter ends. This suggests that they want some sort of order, or control over you but will allow you most of the time to make decisions, and allow chaos.

This suggests Kris is order leaning but chaos permitting.

Ralsei, meanwhile, i dont think sits on the paradigm as we have established it. He wants the prophecy to be fulfilled but he wants us to make changes that lead there. He gets upset when Kris is unable to make choices but firmly believes we must fulfill the prophecy. What ralsei does and doesnt know about Kris or us is vague and unknown, and therefore by extension how he feels about Kris and us is vague and unknown.

So is he more order - forcing us to do specific things and stopping us from having meaningful choices in the story? Not really... But then is he more chaos - allowing us to make big changes? In a sort of apathetic, not really bothered way maybe. All in all, i think Ralsei falls outside of the scale, as he has a very unique relationship with us and Kris.

Generally, choices and chaos and order are all very big themes in deltarune. So i think its interesting to link the two together like this.

[yonpote]

i really want to write a full analysis comparing dnp to that one stupid lil gay furry indie rock album with the dogs on the cover but that requires way more research than i thought... so for now here is a lyrical analysis of "Twin Fantasy (Those Boys)", the final song off the album Twin Fantasy (Face to Face) by Car Seat Headrest, and comparison to dnp wrt to their careers and lives.

the original context of this album and this chorus is that the narrator is reflecting on a tumultuous past relationship, at first viewing this romance through rose-tinted glasses (the dark, inside, fantasy) before finally being able to see the truth (the sun, outside, reality.) the pain of looking at the sun is the pain of revisiting the narrator's past. often times we use pain as an indicator that we are experiencing reality (pinching yourself to make sure you're not dreaming.)

these lines repeat throughout the song, yknow like a chorus...

the past few years of dnp's careers and lives have been very much on the reflective and introspective side. for them, the "fantasy" is the explosion of their careers, their success as creators, the audience who has stuck with them. of course all of this is true, but at the same time, the reality is that during the absolute height of their careers, they were in the closet, had repressed mental health issues, had overworked themselves, and had their boundaries frequently overstepped. and they have been reflecting on both sides of this coin.

the story and memories the narrator has retold will never disappear. the fond memories of the relationship will always be there, both figuratively and literally as they have been recorded in song form.

this is true for dnp as well. the memories that they share, both with each other and with the audience, won't go away. we will always have pinof 1. we will always have videos of them being silly and goofing off and just having fun with each other. and even when they have deleted stuff in the past, they are no longer trying to take any of it down and even reference deleted videos and old posts as they no longer have anything to hide in showing them.

dude im not even gonna analyze these lyrics i just wanted to add them here cuz like just fuckin read them what the hell is this gay shit this is so dnp (and also its the same concepts as seen above)

edit: i lied i am going to expand my thoughts on these lyrics

dnp have basically built their careers on having fun. they've taken jobs and sponsorships they didnt want necessarily, they were workaholic closet cases, but like. they always made sure to have a good time. you can especially see this in the very early videos as well as on the gaming channel, where they felt ever so slightly less pressure to put up a front. they LOVE creating stuff together, they love hanging out with each other, theres absolutely no denying this! theyre not kissing and theyre not fucking i mean who knows lmao but instead of interpretting that literally, its more like. thats not the point, that was never the point. are there shippers amongst us? yes fer sure, but that isnt what pulled us all in. what pulled us in was their connection, their dynamic, and how much fun they have on camera together!!!!!!! these two brothers lovers boys and their smooth-cocked youthful adventures!

the cover of twin fantasy is a very simple drawing of two anthropomorphic dogs in an embrace, their arms seeming to be conjoined, and the eye of one dog overlapping with the similarly drawn nose of the other dog.

dan and phil. are so symbiotic. how much of this do i have to explain... from the very start, from their first meeting. yes there are the superficial similarities (tall gay british emos who like the same media) but anyone can have those similarities. dnp knew immediately that there was a connection that they shared that was different from anyone else's. there was some sort of inescapable pull toward each other, call it fate or soul-bonding or autism, they simply could not keep away from each other even if they wanted to.

alright THIS. OK THISSSSSS.

ok ok so there are two versions of this entire album, and in the rerecording (which is what we're analyzing) some lyrics have been changed. this part is spoken word, and is completely different from the original. in the og (mirror to mirror) version, it seems the narrator is lamenting this awakening into reality, and breaking the fantasy for him is dark and twisted. in this new version, the narrator is no longer talking about himself in third person. he is Actually breaking the fantasy now, literally breaking the fourth wall, and directly addressing the person whom this album was written about. the contract is up, the names have been changed, aka, they no longer have to be tied down by this dark history. in the real world, the songwriter and this ex are still friends (or have become friends again?) and said ex even drew the art for the album that came after this rerecording. this story that the narrator had put out into the world, they no longer allow it to chain down what could happen in the future.

DAN AND PHIL. OK WAIT ACK OK so like circling back to what i was saying earlier about THEIR fantasy and reality, i mentioned how their reality was dark compared to the fantasy that they showed to us on youtube. and now they have shown us that reality. BUT AGAIN. they refuse to let that tie them down!!!! yes it took a few years of recuperation but they are creating stuff together again! AND AGAIN! the version of them that can exist outside of everything, is in their old videos. we can always go back! they will always be there for us (both dnp and the audience) to revisit. in theory i mean things get deleted but ykwim tho... the contract is up. they are no longer obligated by their management or by publishing or by radio to censor themselves or hide any aspect of themselves. the names have been changed. dan rebranded in 2017, but phil also very subtly and very slowly rebranded in his own way. the gaming channel literally came back from the dead, got a facelift, and yeah itll always be the same ole dnp banting and jesting but from the very first return video the energy is SO MUCH DIFFERENT and i PROMISE it is not just bc they are out as gay although OBV thats a huge part of it but they are just. happier! and more themselves! and its so visible in their faces and body language and tone and EVERYTHINGGGGG.

but listen, remember, these are only lyrics now. theres a version of them that exists outside of everything. and that version is in the old videos. yes they were closeted and overworked and mentally struggling, but they were still happy there too. and they never ever discount how happy those videos have made US. they know how much all of their older content means to us bc it means so much to them too. "you are as important to us as we are to you."

i'll end this with the last line, that repeats over and over before the song finally ends. this line can be interpretted so many ways imo, but i just think it generally ties together my entire thesis. thank you for reading my deranged gay rambling <3

when i come back, you'll still be here.

[mostspecialgirl]

i dont think i can do “artist spaces” anymore because i’m really stupid. - ramble post with no point or central focus aside from making myself feel less weird

like…. i’m stupid. and i like it! But every artist i meet is like some kind of super genius and irs kind of nuts, everyone’s got such vision and intelligence and honed skill and all these interesting things about their lives and practice away from the arts and i’m some kind of inert orb who doesn't have much soul in her work aside from "isnt this cool like a animes" or "this is how im feeling". at least when it comes to Drawinf a Pitures.

i can deal with spaces where everyone’s just hanging out and Some People Happen to be Artists but spaces primarily composed of people steeped in the arts actually remind me that i'm a socially inept cavewoman who barely knows how to use the microwave. sufficiently talented artists ('sufficient' referring to people who have labelled themself an artist and have been online for more than 2 years) who i end up talking to online are 80% of the time some kind of Art Student Med Student Math Prodigy or Mentally Ill Genius Socially Inept Outsider Artist with insane Honed Unique Skill and when you apply that 80% to a whole lump of people in a GC or a Discord Server where the other 20% don't really talk there it gets real mentally exhausting as someone generally quite unimpressive and classically unskilled.

i dunno. I just kind of find it interesting that people with such talent, skill, wit, and (as ive repeated endlessly) intelligence are always drawn to the arts. a lot of my friends ive made who are very smart people ive learned 3 years into the friendship they used to do painting studies and are some kind of closet picasso while ive been showing them my meager collection of shale and sediment. is the pursuit of the artistic a mark of something deeper? what must one’s character lack to not seek creative self expression? what separates a creator from a consumer, and the blind from the perceptive? is creating art for the simple purpose of “cool and fun” shallow? does that answer change with ones talent? what is shallow art? is there truly such a thing?

cough

anyway. i’m just kind of a dumb baby, and it makes me sad that i never really feel like i can talk about art with most people because i don’t know anything. i’m not looking for construction or anything, i just want to be able to say “isn’t making something fun” without being reminded of my own inadequacies. i feel like art shouldn’t have to be this “smart” thing, and it isn’t, but art itself draws in the smart, and so like in many other spaces i feel a bit outcasted. obviously the solution here is to talk to MINORS from TIKTOK (gets cancelled)

but i really dunno. i feel stupid a lot these days and i feel like there aren’t any spaces that fit me, even when on paper these should be the spaces i should be in. even off the paper, anywhere i go i can’t help but feel like a bit of a bump on a log. like an erroneously flipped bit. i’m the stray ray from the sun beamed into the nintendo 64. that’s how i feel among other people, no matter who i’m with. it’s strange, because i really do like myself. i’ve passed a lot of the self deprecation and self doubt that used to chain me, and is it strange to say i believed casting those aside would help me find a bit more belonging among other people?

it hasn’t! life’s the same! maybe worse? i’m not self actualized or anything, but i think i’ve really grown as a person, so it’s sort of sucky that i fit better in place as a problem child. well i suppose as the Old Ones spoke, every group needs The Rick Friend. meeting people is hard. wanting to stay among people i’ve met is even harder. i like to blame a lot of it on the Modern Internet and the sheer amount of how many people have invaded my once cozy corners. with The Net these days being less of a space for Niche Freaks and instead being Grandma And Your Little Cousin Just Saw You Post Your Wiener On Instagram i’d think it’s only natural i’m running into less likeminded people. but i dunno. i feel like some of it’s my fault. i’m a weird little giblet of a girl, aren’t i? and man do i EVER hate people. I’m a big hater.

everybody i meet these days just makes me drool because everyone’s some kind of Valorant Edater or Reddit Object Show Minor or The Hypersexual or Someone I’m Too Intimidated By or Someone Who Does Not Want To Be Talking To Me. where’s Literally Anything Else. Everyone i meet these days fits into those categories. Give me anything else. What is wrong with my Spaces

i really don’t know how people make friends online these days. i’m always posting these days about Haha I Need Friends and Haha I Need A Wife that falls endlessly into the empty infinite void (much like now) for a reason. no matter where i seem to go, i walk dragging my feet, half-lidded and unengaged with a soft scowl on my face. i’ll figure it out, right? i’ll certainly make new friends, right? because i have to, right?

i dont wanna go to work tomorrow dude

[gentlehue]

hii cynthia

i love your blog its SO pretty and i have been following it for a few months now! i am so inspired by you <3

i have a bit of an issue that maybe you could give some insight onto?

so my school has a fun day next week where we can all dress up in costumes and play games and hang out with our friends all day (its our school feast day), and the theme is 'work it' where you can dress up as your dream job or what you want to be when you grow up!

so my friend group decided we were gonna go as a 3 person rock/pop band! its going to be so fun, we have bright pink inflatable electric guitars and mics!

but my problem is that i dont know what to wear bc i have to dress up as a popstar and i have no idea... my friends are really confident in their outfits and their normal style is very like, tank tops/miniskirts etc, which is basically the vibe of the popstar band yk?

but im not as confident in a tank top or a short skirt though.

ive been trying to develop my style and its very all over the place, i kinda hate it... but i just have no idea what to wear? i dont even know what type of clothes i like to wear in general so maybe this is the root of the issue

anyways that was a very long rant im sorry it was so long and this is probably really hard to answer :(

so maybe just a bit of outfit advice, popstar inspired (also got to be warm, its currently winter) and maybe some overall style advice too if you're willing?

thank you so much and hopefully this isnt too overwhelming for you <3 no pressure to answer this

HI LOVELY!!!! thank you sooo much 💘 love u cutie! my advice is under the cut ☺️

im gonna split this into 2 parts if thats okay!! just helps me gather my thoughts better LOL

what to do with the costumes ⋆˚｡⋆୨୧˚

ok so FIRST OF ALL before i say anything !!! i just wanna say the number one most important thing in this whole situation is that youre comfortable and feel confident in what you're wearing! the name of the event is a fun day but it wont be very fun if you feel insecure the whole time 😣 your friends are going to be comfortable in the clothes they're gonna be wearing and you deserve to feel the same! + if theyre your friends im sure they wouldn't mind :)

you can totally look like a popstar without a tank top and miniskirt! the examples/fixes im gonna give below will depend on what you feel comfortable with, feel free to modify as you see fit!!!!

tank top -> baby tee

above is my queen maisie peters certified pop star 😋 i feel like tank tops and baby tees give off the same vibe, not sure why but its good because if you're uncomfortable with the amount of arm a tank top shows, that can be fixed with a baby tee!! you can also wear a more oversized tee like maisie in the second pic if youre uncomfortable with how tight a baby tee is!!

2. long sleeves!! or a cute jacket

i considered grouping this w the first one since its the same thing just long sleeves if youre completely against showing any arm and/or you'd be cold (since you said its winter)!! i cant find any examples of artists wearing long sleeved tops unfortunately i think thats cz they probs dont get cold when performing on stage for hours 😫 BUT YOU CAN ALSO WEAR A CUTE JACKET!!! i dont like to wear jackets that much since i find them overstimulating n claustrophobic if that makes sense, but yk who does !??!

ms brina herself 😋 i LOVE her first outfit w the blue n white leather jacket so much! i feel like it combines the harsh and soft in one piece of clothing rly well ☺️ im gonna be saying this a lot throughout this post, but find fun jackets like sabrina's above !!!

3. tights!!! bonus points if theyre fun

if you still wanna wear a skirt, you can always wear tights if youre uncomfortable with the amount of leg a short skirt shows !!! i feel like some star patterned ones would be SO fun for the pop/rockstar theme as well 😫 you can even get coloured tights to match some other aspect of your oufit 😋

ms olivia rodrigo is almost always wearing fun tights!!! i couldn't find good pics but just look at some concert vids of her and you'll probs find lots of examples 😚

4. skirts come in all lengths 😊

we are so blessed to have skirts in all sorts of lengths on this planet!!! if you're still uncomfortable with the idea of wearing a mini skirt, wear a longer one! I LOVEEE maxi skirts so much i have a crazy amount of them in my wardrobe 😫

i feel like maxi skirts come in a lot of fun styles and cuts and patters n wtv, so theres lots for you to choose from! you could make it the centre of attention and wear something like the first one, or you could wear something simple like the second!!! if you do wear a maxi skirt id def pair it with some chunky black boots to add to the rock/popstar edge like in the first pic, or maybe even a chunky belt !! belt doesnt have to be on properly u can wear it the way they did in the 2000s (idk what this would look like tho so forgive me if its atrocious

i know shes wearing a dress in these pics but im using it as an example of having your legs completely covered and still serving popstar!!! her black boots are a VERY good example of that too, def broke the softness of the pink dress and gave her a little edge ☺️

5. pants !!! bonus points if theyre fun (again)

if youre 100% sure you dont wanna wear a skirt at all, then wear pants! just like the tights, i'd def try to get some fun ones 😋 using maisie peters as an example again LOL her outfits are perfect for this

fun pant CONNOISSEUR maisie peters i love her sm 😫

i hope this helped with the first bit!!! i feel like rock/popstar isnt a uniform, its a VIBE and these pics prove it 😊 if you wanna match with your friends id focus on matching colours instead of clothing types! also dont forget you get to do your hair and makeup & that will def help add to the pop/rockstar look 😚 AND ALSO ACCESSORIES !!! ive said this a lot but id wear some black boots for sure i feel like you could wear almost anything w black boots n get away w calling it pop/rock star 😚 there are sooo many options for you to choose from !! id def search up "[artist name] stage outfits" if you want more inspo :)

general style tips ⋆˚｡⋆୨୧˚

okay so this is something im still working on myself LOL i'll try to give some tips based on what i've gathered!!

pinterest is your best friend. ive been hating it lately because its only been showing fugly pics for my boards BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND CUTE OUTFIT INSPO ON PINTEREST!!! think about outfits other people have worn that you've liked & search up either more outfit inspo of them (if theyre a celeb/famous) or whatever aesthetic that happens to be part of !! make a style board and add a few pics you like and eventually pin will recommend some things you might also like 😋 since you said you dont know what kind of outfits you like, i feel like looking at outfits you've liked on other people is a good start 😊 try to look for people with similar features as you as well:)

think about outfits you've felt your best in and outfits you've felt your worst in!! once you've got them in your head, think about why you felt that way about those outfits/what aspects you particularly liked, and find outfits and pieces with similar aspects (using pinterest again). i feel like a lot of us dont notice we're wearing an outfit we aren't comfy in until we take a bit of time to think LOL. for example, i rly dont like wearing black unless its jeans/pants or a skirt (basically if its not the main focus of an outfit LMAO) i feel like every time i wear black as the main focus it doesn't rly match w my personality and i rly like when my outfit and how i feel on the inside match!! so i just completely eliminated black tops from my wardrobe LMAO i have a few ones that r exceptions, but you will rarely ever catch me in black!

think about what suits your complexion/features too! theres a lot of stuff about soft winter cool autumn on tt but i dont mean that LOL i find it confusing 😭 literally j wear things of diff colours n see if it suits you or washes you out! id recommend having a family member or a friend weigh in on this too since sometimes other people see things you dont 🤔 bonus points if this person is very blunt/honest since youre guaranteed the truth w them !!! when i was younger i was obsessed w wearing red but it looks HORRID on me like idk what's in the colour red that just completely washes me out and makes me look like a zombie 😭 luckily my mom brought this to my attention and now u will never catch me in red either !! ive also been told i look good in whites/creams, baby pink and baby blue, so i try to incorporate those into my wardrobe more!

remember that its okay for your style not to fit into a specific aesthetic:) i feel like these days theres so much emphasis placed on the aesthetic youre part of, but i find thats not really realistic since we're so complex as humans you cant j fit one person into a single aesthetic 😭 dont worry if you feel like your outfits are too different from each other or wtv, what's important is that you feel confident in all of them! your closet is a YOU aesthetic, not vanilla girl or clean girl or downtown girl or anything 😊 use the aesthetics for inspo, dont force yourself to emulate them 100%

do a wardrobe detox!! i do this every once in a while LOL make a pile of yes, nos and maybes! once youre done, look thru the yes's and nos and think about why they ended up there 🤔 ALSO make sure to donate your clothes or give them to your sibling (i give a lot of things to my sister LMAO) or smth pls dont j throw them away because so many people are in need of clothes esp now that the weather is getting colder !!!!

remember that this will take time! clothes aren't cheap most of the time, and unless youre very rich you cant just buy a whole new wardrobe in one day 😫 embrace the journey of finding your style!!! imagine yourself as a fashion student in a movie if that helps LOL and be proud of yourself for taking this step! definitely start with buying pieces that are more versatile and can be paired with multiple things so you can rewear them a lot while fixing up your wardrobe! 💘

i hope this helped !!! pls lmk if you need anything else, love you!!! 🎀✨

[single-malt-scotch]

really glad you mentioned the whole tonal shift in the life series thing bc that thought was actually what motivated me to make that post. i remember people talking about when the Tonal Shift happened and for me it was 100% when keepinventory was turned on. please ramble some more about it all i would love to hear your thoughts esp wrt death games and whatnot bc i think you pretty much summarized my Exact thoughts better than anyone

yeppp Limlife is where it happened to me. as mentioned i think this worked just fine w limlife, i remember when it first happened and i was unsure, but that was on like. the first death. and when we got to see how much people would die in that series, it made sense.

we have only had one season with it after now, and i can say imo i think it was entirely pointless to secret life. i felt like something was off about that season outside of just the new gimmicks, and i realize that keep inventory means no tension/drama of losing items and surviving which meant that the entire focus on that season was really only the consequences of the main gimmick- the tasks.

and the tasks had next to no consequences until certain circumstances (being red life or getting a hard task-- hard tasks being rare, and red lives being near pointless considering 90% of the server had to get turned at the same time at the very end thus not allowing reds to play out their purpose for long). secret life wasnt trying to be a survival series in the same way, it was trying to be a series that handed players ways to keep surviving in means that werent rooted in minecraft's vanilla survival mechanics. there was barely a threat of death unless it was directing people to die, which takes out any traditional survival all together. where as previous seasons didnt bring in some new system to override the survival provided by the game-- you relied on vanilla survival to survive, not an outside modded gimmick.

SL's only worry was about the tasks and if the tasks werent good/interesting/etc then, well. there may not be much to like about some episodes because it otherwise would just be me watching someone interact with others (to the best of their task related abilities) with little threat of death. SL felt like a fun goofy hang out, which does mean it sucked to watch it. it just means to me that it did not achieve what i wanted to feel about a life season, based on how previous seasons made me feel. i would have wanted to have seen the alliances battles i remember of past seasons, for example, and yes i think something as 'minor' as keep inventory plays into all of this.

i dont point this out to keep hating on SL specifically, but im saying it to express how survival changed and why keep inventory can kinda impact this a lot. what makes a death game isnt just the threat of dying for good, its also knowing that you really need to try to survive. and when your armor and weapons are handed right back to you, you lose the fear of when its coming to get you. the anxiety of running back to your friends, or hoping to recover your gear. you dont want to die, not just because you lost one life but also because you know youre not out of the water yet when you respawn. if you lose all your armor when you die, you have to keep worrying until you get back on your feet. it might force you to find help and make new friends. who knows?

maybe that seems harsh but hey, that has never been an issue before, so i dont feel like the concern should be taken to 'what if they die too fast because they keep losing gear?' theyre capable. if anything im a tad worried that the want for content creation feeding into the audience will take priority over the original intention of the game and its survival aspect. i wasnt a fan of SL because i felt like it was constantly feeding the audience things with little focus on it being the kind of survival focused series we had seen prior, and keep inventory + the system of tasks kinda just turned off every other part of what made the older seasons survival/death games imo.

what i need is factions/groups/etc all teaming up and fighting and big battles and desperately clambering away to hide from death. or crawling to the feet of their enemies begging to join because they lost everything. i want them to struggle through each recovery. you die, you lose everything, thats the consequence of playing.

[godshideouscreation]

Sorry this secret is long, every time I try to rewrite it this happens, dont feel obligated to post this I just keep seeing your tag and this is the biggest albatross around my neck no contest, so... *deep inhale*

I had a really rough falling out with a long time online friend. It was a few years ago at this point but it hit me really hard. In retrospect it was a pretty toxic friendship, I loved them to pieces, and they only Sometimes reciprocated when it was convenient for them, and whenever it wasnt they spoke as if I meant nothing to them and always recontextualized our whole history. I kick myself for ignoring all their red flags.

The final straw was the last time we tried to hang out in-person. It was the 2nd time I was visiting, last time was fun so I was excited. I had been talking with them and their partner and we were gonna hook up and it was all chill, but at Some Point in the months before my visit something changed their mind and they just...didnt tell me. I still have no idea why, after Years of plantonic friendship and honestly not even That much sexual stuff (we'd go months and months with no nsfw talk or pics or anything it was fine that was obviously Not why I was friends with them) and suddenly they accuse me of being some kinda sex pest. The kicker: I Was in-fact able to correctly read the room and didnt attempt to have sex with either of them, but I didnt read it well enough.

When I got to their place I immediately felt the vibes, and knew I wasnt gonna be up to anything. But like Oh Well I just wanted a chill weekend with my bestie. They never brought Anything up with me so I said to myself "maybe that other local friend they were complaining about recently pissed them off and theyre stressed out, im sure if it was something serious they'd tell me." I Should Not Have Been Sure Of This.

So while I knew they didnt want to fuck, I had no idea they didnt want Any kind of affection or platonic touch from me anymore, and it wasnt until A Week After I Left I DM'd them asking why they were being so cold and distant wit me and they Finally told me how uncomfortable I apparently made them and their partner the whole weekend. They went the Whole Weekend pretending they were having a grand ol' time and could have absolutely at ANY point tell me "Hey actually Im not feeling super touchey right now" and like Boom Problem Solved We Are All Adults Please Communicate With Me.

Again, why after Years of open honesty and communication from me they suddenly accused me of only wanting sex from them and of doing predatory shit to them and their partner when they made No attempt to re-establish their new boundaries with me before or during my trip.

Honestly in that moment I was too emotional and freaked out to have a very healthy conversation with them. It was a long ugly back and forth but I was finally like I cant do this. We cant be friends. And we parted on Supposedly Amicable terms cuz like weve both had friend-break-ups before lets see how we feel down the road, but like the closeness is Gone for sure.

Even Then they still werent being honest. I actually blocked them on social media for a while just to cool my head and not have to see them. But when I tried to follow them again THATS when them and all their closest friends blocked me which was very ???? to me. Smash-cut to last year I had a friend DM me, Thankfully after I had already left twitter cuz fuck twitter (i am sadly back on twitter 😒...), saying my now ex-friend was painting the whole ordeal as an attempted sexual assault or whatever. When I wasnt even trying to fuck that whole time!!

They have a lot of trauma in their past that isnt mine to share, and I Dont so I always deferred to them on it, trusted they werent abusing that victimization to escape their responsibility as an adult to be more communicative with me, but I have other people in my life with similar pasts who assured me later "No, thats no excuse, they cant blame everyone else on their own social problems, fuck that." I spent a whole year losing sleep over the ordeal. WAS it my fault? Was SOME of it my fault? Was NONE of it my fault? Was it Anyone's fault??? I'll probably never have a satisfying answer.

But since then Ive transitioned and dont even look the same or go by the same name, but still have some friends we shared and hang out in a couple online social circles where I hear about their partner sometimes who lied to me even harder than they did about still being cool with me when they absolutely were not (when I told them they never said they didnt want to have sex, they brought up when they told me they were on their period and THAT was supposed to be my only hint, even tho they pretended to be really broken up about it as-if we'd have fucked otherwise????? Childish, anyway). Im always slightly paranoid they'll stumble upon me and realize who I am and try to force me into hiding or whatever when I've done literally nothing to them since they blocked me. Because apparently their version of what happened only got worse since then, so clearly they hold a grudge, and Im just some random trans bitch online minding my own business.

Normally I'd write it off as paranoia, but as you can tell just from this one example, and there Are other stories, any time I wrote off a hyper specific fear of them not telling me something as just paranoia and would eventually confront them about it, itNever was and they would always make my fears be true. They Always prove me right. They really fucked with my head...

Again, sorry for the length, it all just comes falling out of me when I try to be brief about it all.

It's okay! I really hope that venting about stuff has given you some slight piece of mind. I've met a lot of people online over the years and to keep it short, I'll just say that not all of them are what they seem. A lot of my friendships were really fucking one sided. They weren't genuine, people lied to me and used me for whatever. It definitely sucks when people hold grudges or make up lies about you, I've been in that boat before too. But the people who know you, know that you're not that kind of person. You have to have faith in the people around you.. Idk people present this persona online but like, we're all different from how we present ourselves online. It's weird to be friends with grown ass adult people who don't know how to honestly and openly communicate though. Some people legitimately do not have those skills. And I hope that you get to keep your peace now that you're not talking to those people anymore. Hopefully they won't recognize you since transition and if they do, they just stfu and leave you alone! You know your truth & all you can do is live with it. Know that you're better off without those people. Don't be sorry and you can always come in my ask box to vent! Sometimes we don't get closure on a subject and the best thing we can do is give ourselves the closure of not thinking about it or worrying about it anymore. I know it's easier said than done though 😅

[elfdyke]

wow thanks! that was a really in depth post about it you make good points! when I played I definitely got the sense that monika had encouraged sayori to kill herself and I didn’t get the sense of any remorse when natsuki or yuri died or got fucked up but I guess u do make some good points there about how she was just trying to make them less desirable rather than kill them. I’m new to the game and the fandom so im not super familiar with everything yet but is there anything in the canon or lore that points away from monika having pushed sayori to commit suicide or is it mostly just fan theories and personal readings? either way thank u so much for answering!

yes i can absolutely find you some info on that!

there's quite a bit of information hidden within the games files, so I'm kind of assuming if you're new to the game, that you might not have seen these things? so ill dive into them too!

I'm gona do this under the cut so i can like, dissect things from the game !

(also i found stuff thats specifically pointing away from her meaning actual harm/death for Both yuri and sayori, jsyk)

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.txt (discovered in game files during act 2)

“All I want is for you to hate them. Why is that so hard.”

not, all i want for them is to die. she doesnt want to kill them. she wants to separate us from them so we are with Her, not them. things spiral out of control, but it was never her intention for things to get this bad. ntm its repeated over and over in this game how badly monika wants to die. she's hanging on by a thread, keeping on only because she wants to be with us, to be in contact with reality. this leads to really unfortunate circumstances but i really strongly believe everything in the text alludes to the fact she did Not want things to get this bad

ACT 3 INTRO:

(im copy pasting a transcript of the monologue here, but this is taken from the very beginning of act 3, which you can see in this video starting at 25:56)

imo this is all the proof needed to show that she really had no intention of ‘killing’ sayori and yuri. things spiraled out of control far beyond what she was capable of handling. 

her goals with making sayori more depressed and yuri more obsessive were, in here words “to just try to make them as unlikable as possible”. she didnt want her friends to brutally die!! she loved them q_q i feel like a lot of people really dont look at this specific part of what she says and take it to heart. its very telling for her character and important for understanding what she does and why she does it

ACT 3 MONOLOGUES:

sayori's hanging (cw: graphic descriptions of suicide)

dialogue of importance:

"I was thinking about Sayori earlier... I still wish I could have handled that whole thing a little more tactfully."

+

"Come to think of it, it was probably less 'changing her mind' and more just her survival instincts kicking in." "So you can't really fault her for that." "It's easier to think that she probably wouldn't have changed her mind anyway, right?" "It's not healthy to think about the things you could have done differently." "So just remember that even though you could have saved her, it's technically not your fault she killed herself." "I may have exacerbated it a little bit, but Sayori was already mentally ill." "Still, though..." "I wonder how things would be if you and I just started dating from the get-go?" "I guess we'd all still be in the clubroom, writing poems and having fun together." "But what's the point when none of it is even real?" "I mean, it's the same ending either way, right?"

ok so whats important here, is monika is essentially using us, the player, as a mirror in act 3? the things she says i believe, very strongly show her sense of uncertainty in her actions, and her fears of what if she could have done something else??

"even though you could have saved her, its technically not your fault she killed herself" reads SO much to me like shes trying to comfort herself with this, she doesnt want it to be her fault. nothings real, sayori's a character in a game. but she wishes so badly they could have just been normal girls living together.

happy end poem

OK SO LIKE. this is actual proof of Why she does everything she does. she's scared if she reaches out and tells us she's trapped in a game, we'll stop playing, we'll kill her. she tinkers with the game, trying to make herself look the best, trying to make us choose her, and nothing works. and this leads to her becoming frustrated and scared, and screwing with the game more and more desperately trying to do anything to save herself.

if you recall, in act 2, she gives you a poem which bluescreen the computer. this was actually an attempt she makes to escape the game q_q she never wanted to kill yuri, she never wanted things to escalate like that. she wanted to get out but she had no idea how to program her way out of the game, resulting in everything crumbling around her, and her friends dying.

my own route

hang on this one genuinely makes me so upset.

it very much relates back to how in the conversation about sayori's suicide, she's still clearly thinking about how things could be Different. shes thinking about how they could be normal. "I may not have needed to take such drastic measures to be with you. Maybe the rest of the club would still be around..." , and then immediately trying to convince herself it doesnt matter, and that she doesnt care.

its so so obvious shes hurting and she misses her friends. the additional "i really dont (miss them)" at the end really shows that shes desperately trying to convince herself that it was worth it, that she did everything she should have, and her friends dont matter. but they clearly do matter to her. she loved them (she couldnt even delete them if u recall)

also another important part about this monologue, a lot of people say she killed the other girls out of jealousy, but this shows thats not true??

"I think I would end up forcing you onto my route anyway." "It has less to do with me not having a route, and more to do with me knowing that nothing is real."

this wasnt because shes 'in love' with us. she wanted to be close to something real, something tangible. she's clinging onto us, the player character, like someone lost at sea with a piece of driftwood, doing everything she can to stay afloat

wine

ok this isnt on the surface level as important as the other ones, but literally look at how she talks about this memory.. she misses them so much and talking about this memory she clearly cherishes brings her so much joy. she doesnt belittle any of them, she doesnt talk down on them, she’s just reliving this memory because it makes her happy 

I HOPE THIS HELPS?? im sure theres a few more things im forgetting, but i did my best to scrabble up everything i could to show how monika’s not an evil mastermind, shes a scared girl who didnt realize what she was doing and when things got too bad, she did her best to fix it, only for it to get worse n worse

edit: oh heres the proof that monika always loved the girls and never actually deleted them

:’)

edit 2: haha.. um ouch

“It’s not right for me to miss things that weren’t even real in the first place.” shes forcing herself to try and ignore her feelings for the other girls

[omegawolverine]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

[sydneyshipsstuff]

so uh last night at like 4 am i couldnt sleep, decided to walk my dog, and came up with this bad boy. It’s a rough draft, though. um @professional-benaddict read it and told me to post it, so whatever rafni says goes. 

-Little! Peter with like everyone lmao (platonically), but main pairing is Tony x Peter. everyone is 18+ and Littles are known. but yeah, I call this “uncanonically Canon AU” because it follows canon character tropes (except Peter).

----------------

so i LOVE the doctor trope w stephen and tony to death, like probably a lil too much, but hear me out

--canon tony and the avengers with not canon (aka powerless) little peter

--im thinking how they met is before peter became classified as a little, he was smart smart. so, he still gets the internship, but a real one this time.

--hes hanging out with the other interns when he feels himself regress. he freaks and goes to hide in a bathroom or something

--he runs into (probably pepper??) someone and they help him get out of the tower because he's obviously very vulnerable

--they (pepper?) take him to the hospital to get tested and find out hes a high care little. once they find out peter freaks out because omg he cant work like this

--(pepper?) assures him that they will figure it our, but with no CG, and just for plot sake, he also is living alone at this point so they dont feel comfortable sending him home, so he stays overnight, at least, in the hospital

--(pepper?) goes to talk to tony himself about this since hes the one who chose and hired the interns. tony isnt quite sure what to do because peter is one of the best in their group

--(pepper?) suggests that he go have a one on one talk with peter and see what the boy wants to do with his future, and also meet with the doctors to see what they think is best for his future

--now, tony has met peter a few times, and the kid is pretty cool, but he never really cared about him (harsh, but canon tony is pretty reserved so yuh) so, when he goes into the hospital room to talk with him, hes mentally preparing to never see peter again

--but, when he walks in, he sees peter sat on a cot carefully coloring in an avengers coloring book, and his entire aura is different and /adorable/

--as if he wasnt already kinda done for, when peter notices he's there, he looks up, eyes blown wide and a kid-like face on full of awe

--he sits on the end of the bed and they simply stare at each other before peter finally gets the courage to ask why tony is there, stuttering through it like an adorable mess

--tony freaks out, because as good as peter is, he planned on letting peter down, but now that hes here, all he wants is to see the boy.

--instead he smooths his nervousness and easily asks about how the boy is doing. he asks if peter has a CG, and predicably, peter just sadly shakes his head

--anyways i dont really know how this part would be worded, and it probably wouldnt happen in just one day, but eventually tony asks peter if he wants tony to take care of him

--peter is a cutie and accepts, again dont really have this part planned out, im akward when it comes to writing about the adopting of a little

--he goes with tony and since he lives in the tower, he also gets the avengers as glorified CGs. now this is the part i LOVE

***added part by Rafni:

"I’d imagine that Peter would just be kept in the hospital, like he doesn’t need any meds nor saline so he doesn’t even have a drip nor is he hooked up to any monitors. He is just there in the hospital pyjamas colouring and waiting for someone to take care of him🥺👀"

And since there’s no medical concerns (anymore) the nurses would have more time to just chat with Peter and make sure he is like mentally taken care of 🌸🌸

---

tony stark- he's obviously the main man and does all the main caring. hes the one who sleeps with peter and makes sure he gets food, and plans the days. he also sometimes will hand make little gadgets (safe ofc) to occupy peter. he gets peter little engineering/inventing kits and will hold back any groans he has as peter hits his leg with a plastic hammer and screwdriver. he also is the one who is ALWAYS there, when he cries, when he's happy, when he's sad.

thor- he lets peter play with his hair, and even lets the boy snuggle, and sometimes even chew on, mjolnir (because of course peter would be worthy)

steve rogers- he lets peter look at and hold the shield. one day he finds the boy curled like a cat dosing on the inside of it

natasha- she speaks in russian to him, and when he goes outside to the park, shes there making sure no one disturbs him

wanda+sam (i had an idea for them when i originally thought of this, but i cant remember it now :/)

bucky- he lets peter also mess with his hair, although more rare than thor, but he does let peter suck on his metal fingers when hes really small, and will scratch peters scalp with it, the metal scratching much better than normal skin. also if he ever gets a fever, the cold of the arm feels amazing on his forehead

bruce- not strictly canon since hes more sciency than doctor, but i imagine bruce is the one who does checkups and takes care of the meds when peter is sick

stephen- he doesnt do it often, plus he's not at the tower much, but hell do little harmless "magic" tricks to excite Peter and when peter gets grumpy, stephen will give him a little stress spell thing to calm peter down

peter quill- i imagine hes the one who is down to do lots of fun stuff, but is also the most reckless towards the actions suited towards littles, getting a lot of scolding from tony. also, he has great taste in music, so when peter has bursts of energy, he'll bounce around the room dancing to old 80s music

rocket- hes the closest peters ever gonna get to a pet, and with lots of bribing from tony, rocket /occasionally/ lets peter pet him and feed him "treats", sometimes peter will ask rocket to do a trick like jump or spin, but rocket with always decline...at first. peters trademark pouts do the trick because either rocket will concede and hurt his pride, or tony will see and threaten rocket into making his little boy happy. its always worth it to see the happy little squirms and claps

gamora- she's the resident story teller. when its bedtime, she'll share her cool space stories, leaving out the gory/scarier aspects. it always does the trick as hes out in minutes. sometimes hell catch her and peter q engaging in loving activities (ie kissing, hugging, whatever), and he'll just giggle away, and as embarrassed as gamora gets, not being an openly affectionate person, she might just go to the extreme to hear the cute giggles out of the little boy

clint- hes pretty chill with peter. he also likes to play games with the boy, playing things like peek-a-boo when he's super small, or playing darts when he feels older. tony isnt /too/ happy about it, but its better than quill so he doesnt say anything.

pepper is there too because i love the idea of tony working away somewhere and pepper calling peter in, handing him a few sheets of paper, sometimes actual documents, sometimes just scratch paper to entertaim the boy, before asking peter to deliver them to tony. she always has a smile when peter eagerly nods with his whole body before running to the office to give tony the papers. it almost always ends with peter in his lap, but it /always/ ends in tony praising him, saying something along the lines of 'theres my little helper boy. look at you'

---

--on any particular day peter wakes up aged up, he doesn't even miss his old internship because this life is so much better, although on these days tony actually lets him help with some safer stuff in the lab with him

--also, they are still the avengers and still have to save the universe. tony leaves him in the care of Happy or Pepper, trusting them both to handle him. sometimes, it ends in disaster. sometimes, they are lucky enough to find happy laying on the couch, with a drooling little boy soaking his suit

--no matter how things end up, it never gets old being able to come home and cuddle up with the reason tony wants to save the universe.

--its no surprise peter is able to help the man just as much as tony helps him. tony stops locking himself up so late at night so he can put peter to bed and cuddle up. he stops drinking when he's stressed, instead finding his boy and reading a story to him. his hookups end, he wants to be there for peter all the time. he gets more work done, the added bonus of having a pretty little boy in his lap helping keep his mind on track.

--tony still has his canon issues, but having peter there makes everything a little more manageable. and when he eventually gets too old to be ironman, its okay, because his universe is lying in bed, a red pacifier in his mouth, and a family of superheroes softly arguing about who the boy loves most

--and despite tony being a narcissist, he knows this is not that, when he thinks that without a doubt he is peters favorite. after all, peter helped him see the good inside the bad

---

so uh yeah thats all i had to say. maybe in the future it will become an actual thing, idk. i still have so many projects im working on first. feel free to add whatever you want to it though !!

[gebtoons]

my contribution to the bapo timeline discourse bc i’m just gonna propose a timeline and will not be taking criticism <3 (under the cut bc this is gonna be a long post probably) 

ok disclaimer I am quite stupid, however I’m gonna use my knowledge from my own 12 years in american public high school and what little info I have about american boarding schools/catholic schools that I have from my friends lol. so. idk. 

i’m also gonna date songs/major events and i’m gonna be taking some “just trust me bro” liberties bc y’all are right it does NOT make that much sense. 

January 6: Epiphany; this is like an actual holiday lol. like its always on the sixth. idk its good that this is the starting point bc its an actual date yknow? For the purposes of this timeline were going with that its early in the week, so lets go with Monday idk

January 6-13: You and I, Role of a Lifetime; so we’re all kinda in agreement that this timeline (at least the beginning) only really makes sense if you and i/role of a lifetime aren’t like. a singular moment and are instead multiple days. so yeah, of this first week, this is like. monday-next sunday ish yknow. 

January 14: Auditions, Plain Jane Fatass; ok so having auditions for a spring musical right after kids get back from break actually makes perfect sense to me, like i can see it being like “ok take break to prepare so as soon as you come back we can have auditions so we can jump right into rehersals” yknow? and since the rave is clearly on a friday (”we’ll meet in tanya’s room on friday night”) so i’m going with the monday before.  

as for pjf, i know it doesn’t make a ton of sense for them to get a two week late birthday package their first few weeks back from school, but hear me out it makes sense. the implication throughout this entire show is that the twins have decently shitty parents. from bits of dialogue (in this song in particular lol) i’m kinda inferring their the “only concerned with how their kids make them look to others” kind of neglectful. so I don’t think it’s too outside the realm of possibility that they went away for the holidays, didn’t bring the twins, and instead mailed them a birthday package and having it show up two weeks late. realistically the timing of this isnt that important and the explicit “two week” time frame could’ve been an exaggeration on nadia’s part to mock her shit parents (idk its in her character) basically ppl are a little two fixated on this imo but anyway. moving on. 

January 18: Wonderland, A Quiet Night At Home, Rolling, Best Kept Secret; a very agreed upon point in the timeline. its the friday following the auditions. moving on. 

January 21: Confession; also very agreed upon. the monday following the rave. moving on again 

January 23: Portrait of a Girl; the date here is kinda arbitrary, but bc sister chantelle says “ok lets try to put yesterday’s rehearsal behind us” and i for the life of me cannot think of a scene she could be referring to (there’s none in the script either) that implies it wasn’t the same monday as confession (bc even in a boarding school i think holding extracurriculars that aren’t sports over the weekend (especially when they are no where near crunch time lol) is weird and not common) so i just picked a random day during the week

January 25: Birthday Bitch!, One Kiss, Are You There?; from matt’s line in wonderland, ivy’s birthday is a week after the rave. in my timeline that’s january 25th (an aquarius queen). 

btw given all grown up’s “17, how will i manage?” ivy is 16 during 17 at her party, which is strange given shes a high school senior and seniors are typically 17 during 18. so either a) she skipped a grade, not an unheard of thing. or b) shes not a senior, shes just a junior who hangs out with a bunch of seniors, which is also pretty common. and looking through the script i can’t find any mention that she is also a senior, other than yknow she graduates with them, but she isn’t mentioned during the class ranking scene? so idk not that it really matters just a fun detail 

February 3 (at night): 911 Emergency!; ok controversial. i know i like the joke about how its funny that peter having a weird dream when he was high prompted him to want to come out and really ruined his relationship with jason. BUT. i think the dream (despite it’s weirdness) would have a lot more meaning if it wasn’t the result of being really high, but if it was a dream he had like a week later as a result of a building sense of guilt/anxiety bc he told matt. also it fits better given later timeline things. (this timeline literally only exists if there are weird jumps in time that don’t make a ton of sense) (EDIT: I forgot one line about Jason crashing at ivys but fuck it forget that bitchass line this makes for more drama its staying this way)

February 4: Reputation Stain’d, Ever After; the next day following peter’s dream, idk what else to say, moving on. 

February 25-28: Spring; another jump! i’m sorry but the only way for this to make sense logistically is for there to be quite a few time jumps! however, i also think this one works bc i think it gives time for everything from around ivy’s party and peter and jason’s break up to stew emotionally. like obviously a musical only has so much time to tell a story so the audience cannot see every realistic beat, but honestly i think it makes the whole thing a little more dramatic™ if there’s space for everything to settle, and for ivy to come and apologize and such. also, the reason it’s multiple days is bc in the script, ivy is trying to study (presumably for some sort of midterm) while nadia is playing, so that probably takes place a few days before they move out, so before finals. but in the script, jason and peter are packing and peter is leaving, so that part of the song/staging takes place on the 28th. yes, that’s weird, but we are clearly thinking more about the logistics of this school than the writers were so. 

March 1: One; assuming st. cecilia’s works kinda like boarding schools here, they probably do staggered move out/move in, just bc that would be a lot to have people coming and going at once so it makes sense that peter left the day before, while jason and ivy are leaving the next day. also, given that peter is trying to call jason while he and ivy are banging, it’s probably been a hot minute since the actual break up, since peter was clearly very hurt by the whole thing, it would make sense (at least to me) that peter would reach out a month ish later, rather than like a few days later (you have to make so many assumptions to make this timeline work granted they aren’t super out there assumptions but still this is annoying) 

March 1-25: Spring Break. the coworkers I have who are in boarding school work over their school breaks, which are longer than the public school breaks (which are only a week) so i put their spring break at 3 weeks. it makes sense, and it makes the later part of the timeline make sense. 

I know i’m already halfway through this, but to me it makes sense for their to be quite a few time jumps in the story bc its a musical. they cannot show every day. there are a lot of other shows (particularly shows set in high schools) that are set over a whole school year, but if you just look at the events of the story that doesn’t make sense, so you have to imply that obviously they are not showing every little detail. moving on. 

March 25: Wedding Bells, In The Hallway, Touch My Soul; peter wakes up from his nightmare in the church, so im assuming he fell asleep in church (like he almost did during epiphany). also it makes sense that class ranks are announced in late march-early april, I know my school announced ours in like, the first week or so of april? so yeah. moving on.

(from this point on i was giving myself a headache trying to make it make sense so its all weird from here!!)

April 4: See Me, Warning; the date doesn’t really matter here, I picked a random day in early april. the script said peter is calling from him and jason’s old dorm room, as he was picking up the last of his things, so he clearly made the roommate switch after school started (makes sense to me). 

April 15-20 (approximately): Ivy finds out she’s pregnant. look google tells me on average people find out they are pregnant around 5-7 weeks after conception. i went with around 7 just so this timeline makes a tiny bit more sense given the later stuff, so yeah here we go. 

May 4: Pilgrim’s Hands, God Don’t Make No Trash, All Grown Up, Promise, Once Upon A Time, Cross; a rough night for our heroes. so given sister chantelle saying “again? wonderful.” and nadia saying “i can’t believe you missed rehearsal again”, clearly ivy has been missing quite a few rehearsals, so for dramas sake maybe from when she found out she was pregnant? also i know i’ve been saying they wouldn’t have rehearsals on weekends, and given my weird timeline this would be a saturday, but its tech week so i’ll allow it. 

May 5: Two Households, Bare, Queen Mab, A Glooming Peace; pretty self explanatory, and it makes sense to have the spring play in early may. rip jason. 

May 11: Absolution; the day before graduation peter goes to confront the priest. gives him a small amount of time to start processing, and it makes sense it would be the night before, at least to me. 

May 12: No Voice; i fucking hate this. “peter, we graduate next sunday” i hate that stupid fucking line. do you know that this timeline literally would be fine if it weren’t for that stupid fucking line? bc then, the school play would be in early may and graduation could be in late may-early june (when most high schools hold graduation) but no. keeping with continuity, they have to graduate the sunday following the school play. “peter we graduate in a month, are you really never gonna talk to me again?” would have been fine. but no, now we have beef. literally everything else about the end of this timeline being kinda weird would work itself out, except for the fucking graduation. god damn. anyway, may 12th, the graduate on may 12th which is really fucking weird bc of that one fucking line. whatever. i didn’t write the damn thing bc if i did i wouldn’t have written that fucking line. (i’ve been at this for over an hour and a half, so i’m a tad annoyed, can you tell?) 

anyway, that’s it. that’s my long as hell proposed bare timeline. if there’s anything glaringly wrong with it i don’t care bc this timeline literally cannot make sense. but honestly, now that i think about the Popular Tween High Schooler Musicals (heathers, bmc, deh) the timelines of those (especially heathers and bmc) don’t make tons of sense either. that’s just the way it is, that’s the way its gonna be. and we have to live with it. 

this post is so long it is actually slowing down my laptop as i type it

[yeoldontknow]

❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

[axemetaphor]

augh i kept forgetting to post this because i kept wantgin to draw mroe for it but i really suck at emulating Animal Crossing Art Style so im just going to go on a rambling explanation about this under the cut but the basic concept is. they deserve a vacation. and whats more relaxing than animal crossing? probably several things but let me have this ok

id had a bunch of ideas for mroe drawings in this style but Clearly, i am not very good at it, and every time i sat down to Try Again it ended up shitty. this is from literally months ago by now lmao

my Basic Concept was just. take the 3 of them and dump them on an animal crossing island, cause while ive been sick ive been playing a lot of new horizons to try and stay stable, and my brain likes to mush together whatever 2-or-more things im invested in together all the time. here’s some bullet points!

-john really loves diving for sea critters and frequently pulls up those bigass lobsters and eels and shit, he’s got an unnatural knack for it. loves to startle the shit out of dave by just whipping an eel out of his pocket. no thats not an innuendo stop that-- -amy loves planting/watering the flowers but shes not like invested in getting All The Different Types (although that Would be neat) she’s just having fun building a large flower patch. it’s slowly overtaking the island. also dave likes to just kinda sit in the flower patch -speaking of dave he kind of doesnt do much, i think he’d like fishing with john and/or amy and maybe hed like digging up fossils but for the most part hes just chillin, as he deserves to be, -amy likes the DIY recipe stuff though and will frequently politely ask dave to go fetch stuff for her. this has led to most of the villagers/islanders/whateverthetermis, the animal citizens, to have their Main exposure to dave be him wandering around with an axe at 3am because amy’s out of hardwood -speaking of the animal citizens, because i just really like them as a concept, i have no solid concept of who-all would be on their island but whoever they are, john is “friends” with All of them (and by that i mean he says theyre all his friends; whether or not they find him obnoxious Varies,) and amy is genuine friends with most of them/has spoken to all of them at least, and dave rarely if ever speaks to them. hes not very social. most of the animals are a little scared of him until they Actually get to talk to him and then they realize hes just an awkward misanthropic bastard -also in case it wasnt clear id think the 3 of them would all be in one little cabin i mean you can upgrade the shit out of those so they could all feasibly have their own spaces. but also i like polyamory and id say they all 3 share a room because fight me they do itd be cute. also of course the decor of their cabin is absolutely bonkers like listen not only does animal crossing have some weird items but nearly any living space john inhabits most likely has some very strange decor in it !  -tbh actually i think john would do Most of the decor stuff cause like based on the way his house is described i think he’d go NUTS for animal crossing’s Theme Decor Shit i dont know i dont actually do a bunch of that but i sure do think he would! amy would help out esp since she likes the DIY stuff, and i think dave is just kind of ..... allowing this nonsense to happen. letting john be free. probably convincing him to not change the theme every day, maybe every week, if only because it’s a bit of a hassle to have everything Constantly Rearranged.  -hang on wait i just thought of the 3 of them wandering along the beach and picking up seashells and now im like emotional over it bro pls. lovely. -also i jsut realized if daves the guy who digs up fossils he definitely talks to blathers a lot and thats an extremely funny thing to contemplate. the dude who seems to not really liek talking to people and the chatterbox owl. fantastic. you know dave is probably too awkward to tell blathers he doesnt want to hear all thsoe archaeopteryx facts! (also tbh maybe dave would actually like learning stuff) -also. john catches bugs just to give them to blathers and watch him freak out just a little about it.  -john always ends up buying fake art from redd but it’s fine because he just puts it somewhere in or near their cabin. amy however has the uncanny good luck to somehow always find the real artworks! dave doesnt talk to redd, he doesnt really care. -this ones definitely projection because my animal crossing island is a mess (And I Like It That Way Thank U Very Much) but john definitely is the guy who will dump extra furniture at random spots on the island. too much shit in storage? don’t need that Harmonious Chair right now? holding it in ur pockets just because u dont know where else to put it? just dump it on the ground! uncannily, john fuckin Always remembers where he’s put that shit when he happens to need it again. however this does mean sometimes the animal citizens will just ... find a mysterious new chair in their front yard.  -i know that terraforming is a new thing in acnh but i havent done it yet because i dont care about the whole 3 stars rating thing like listen im jsut here to run around and fill the museum if i feel like it but mostly pick up pumpkins and hoard bells for no reason and let my island be taken over by wildflowers. if any of the 3 are into that tho its john or amy--john just for the hell of it, amy would actually like try to Make Stuff of it -their front yard (and back yard if their cabin is put somewhere to allow that) is full of unused furniture as well. and also sometimes random dropped fruits or something, if dave is already carrying a ton when he sees something to dig up. -i think im out of shit to say right now but i might reblog to add mroe so. yes. if youve read this far then holy shit youre dedicated or really bored or something but whatever your reason is i hope this was A Fun Read and if it gave you any ideas Please Tell Me my inbox is open im sick and still in quarantine and i crave human interaction from literally anyone who isnt my parents. thank u