#there might not be active romance in this au BUT i hope to get into feelings angst and fluff anyways

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

If you have thought of this what romance are going on in the hom au

Eh, tbh romance is not the main focus in this au. Like at all?? So far I only had in mind like one canon couple, and a smatter of side crack ships somewhere much further down the road, but its more of an afterthought.

The only thing I can say for certain that I'm not planning any romantic ships within main 9 cast, if only because I mostly see them as very close friendships between people with unique experiences that found others who can understand them in this AU. Tho there is only one crack exception of BenRex, which would be viewed as that sort of unexpected close best bros with gay vibes, because I find this ship endlessly hilarious and its too tempting to make other character constantly comment on it.

The reason why I say 'Im not planning to' is because AUs are unpredictable, and while I do not intend to make any ships happen, who tf knows what will happen as things progress. lol

but ye, romance is like meh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, so sorry anyone if you like expect any ships in this au, you are out of luck my dudes

[hannie-dul-set]

LOVE VOMIT [n.] — the term when you become too full with your feelings too quickly and too frequently that you end up spitting everything out before even getting the chance to digest. this happens to you more often than you’d like to admit— every quarter, actually, ever since starting college. but what can you do when the prospect of falling in love is just too good to say no to? what can you do when maybe the next desert might actually stay inside your system this time?

or, wherein you fall in love with a different guy every season but fail to notice the one that’s been looking at you the whole year.

PAIRING. choi soobin x female! reader (ft. the rest of txt x reader). GENRE. college! au, orgmate! soobin, strangers to friends to lovers, slice of life, romance, humor, mild angst, comfort (no hurt), SLOWBURN, featuring some members of seventeen, enhypen, and le sserafim. WARNINGS. reader is shorter than soobin, swearing, drinking, kissing, unrequited feelings, annoying org jargon. WORD COUNT. 36k. TAGLIST. @stellz581​ @michipan​ @goldennika​​ @taekwondoes​​ @cerealdreamwriter​​

NOTE. this fic is a five-in-one but it’s obvious endgame is (hint: look at the header). thoroughly enjoyed projecting all my past crushes into my dear tubatu boys haha i hope no one i know personally reads this haha.

some of the scenes were lifted from my own personal experiences HUAHAH have fun guessing which ones are real (but embellished) and made up for the sake of the story 😎. anyhow, this is long. this is slow. but i do hope the payoff at the end is worth watching soobin’s year long suffering when he finally gets the girl 😭 hope to hear your thoughts on this. enjoy!

reposted because tumblr is an ass.

THE TIME IS SPRING. A soft musk in the air, freshly bloomed flowers lining the sidewalks, and the start of a new semester. There’s something gentle about springtime, reminiscent of crisp blankets straight from the dryer with lavender seeping into its cotton folds, and sunlight leaking through pleated sheer curtains. The season is for cherry blossoms and picnic baskets, outings and first loves. You’ve always associated these things with spring, however none of these sensibilities are present tonight.

Instead of clear skies and bright sunlight, the view through the diner windows is lit up by artificial lights and signages in the middle of a March evening. There’s no lilac nor daisies in the air, but cheap beer and the savory smell of fried chicken. It’s noisy, it’s loud, and it’s far from the gentleness of spring, but you’ve never felt more alive at this time of the year.

‘Why did you join Shutter.TXT?’ reads the sheet of paper sitting on your table. You’re all smiles as you listen to the answers of those sitting around you, mindlessly nodding along after being three glasses in. Tonight is an orientation-slash-welcome party for the organization you impulsively joined upon entering the university.

Because photography is my passion...because I want to explore other fields…because, because, because.

The answers carousel around the table, and honest to god, you stopped listening at some point because it’s getting repetitive. You don’t understand the purpose of this activity. Why else would you join a club for photography, videography, and editing if not for photography, videography, and editing?

“Are you kids having fun?”

You perk up. The empty smiles you’ve been giving become brighter, eyes crinkling at the corners. Spring came belatedly tonight, and it came in the form of your extremely pretty senior appearing behind your seat, and you’re instantly all the more conscious about your posture when he leans down to check in on your table. He cranes his head to look at you with a smile. “Is it your turn?” he asks. The back of your neck is burning.

“Ah, yes,” you cough, clearing your throat to introduce your name. “I major in public administration. I know it’s pretty far from my discipline, but I decided to join Shutter.TXT because I didn’t want to be constrained in one field throughout college. I’m sure this organization will make my university experience a lot more exciting and interesting.”

Lies. You joined because of the very face that’s smiling at you this very moment.

“I look forward to working with you.”

He leaves a pat on your shoulder before moving on to the table next to yours. You feel like passing out.

The first time you saw Choi Beomgyu was during the organization festival after the freshmen orientation. You left the auditorium and made your way to the courtyard, taking a peek at the orgs and clubs your university was offering. The moment your eyes caught him advertising the newly founded organization right by the entrance, you didn’t need to consider the rest of the booths and signed up your name. You didn’t even know the name of the organization back then, only finding out after you received an email confirming your registration. Lucky enough for you, you have some editing experience, so you don’t have to risk making a fool out of yourself.

But it seems like you aren’t the only one with the same ulterior motives. Your eyes naturally followed your senior as he switched to the next table. “I’m only here because of you, seonbae,” you hear from one of them, and Beomgyu only laughs in response before moving on to the next group.

You mask your bitter expression by taking a chug from your glass. You need to work harder. Before even being a potential love interest to your evidently popular flower boy upperclassman, you need to become an indispensable member to Shutter in order to— at the very fucking least— have him remember your name. The elections for officers are next week and you’ll try your darndest to grab a position. Preferably, one that’ll make you work closely with Beomgyu.

“Um, hello.”

Your attention is snagged by the person sitting in front of you. Admittedly, you haven’t been paying any mind to the rest of the newly recruited members, eyes always gravitating toward Beomgyu and his tendency to jump from table to table, corner to corner, so you’ve haven’t noticed that the boy sitting in front of you is also pretty good looking. His face reminds you of a bunny— soft features all around with dark bangs falling just above his eyes. He’s wearing a pink cardigan with shoulders tightly squeezed against his torso as if he’s trying to shrink his gigantic frame but miserably failing.

In other words, another pretty boy. But your eyes are set on a different pretty boy, so your heart isn’t stirred completely.

“My name is Choi Soobin. I’m a second year computer science student. Photo, video, and graphics editing has been my hobby since high school,” he introduces with a tiny smile before following it up with an even tinier bow. “It’s nice to meet all of you!”

Then your tables are reshuffled and you don’t see him again for the rest of the night.

You leave the restaurant after a few more table shuffles to get some fresh air. You’re already starting to get tipsy, getting a hit straight in the liver of how college get togethers are going to be in future. The night is cold with only a cardigan to keep you warm. Maybe you should’ve chosen something thicker since it’s still early in the season, but this is the cutest outfit in your closet and you were dead set on making a good impression.

“It’s getting pretty stuffy inside, isn’t it?”

Apparently, you aren’t the only one who decided to sneak out into the alley beside the fried chicken place the org rented. You turn around, arms crossed together for more warmth, and see a girl approaching your hiding spot. “Sorry. I’m not intruding, am I?”

“Not at all,” you smile at her. “I don’t think we ever shared a table earlier, right?”

She shakes her head. “I’m Kim Yura. Freshman.”

“Hey, me too!” You proceed to introduce yourself, and the both of you hit off almost immediately. You exchanged majors, numbers, and mindless small talk including your shared misfortune of having zero friends in college so far.

“Holy crap, you don’t know how glad I am to have run into you like this. I joined Shutter on a whim and knew literally zero people in there and I was too nervous to socialize with so many people,” Yura confesses with a sigh, leaning against the same concrete wall as you. She turns her head to look at you. “Before I left, they were talking about going for round two at The Rooftop. Are you gonna join?”

“I think I’ll pass.” You wouldn’t have made an escape if you weren’t tired. Your social battery is depleting by the second, and Yura is the only person you know so far.

“I heard the seniors will be paying. Mingyu seonbae, Beomgyu seonbae, Jina seon—”

“On second thought, let’s go!” You grab Yura’s wrist and march back into the restaurant with a new burst of energy. There’s no harm in socializing more. You need to put yourself out there anyway if you want to be elected to a position. Strike while the iron is hot, as they say— while you’re still in the early stages of your first year in university and deadlines, paperworks, and assignments haven’t body slammed you into the dirt yet.

It’s the beginning of spring. the season for starting fresh and starting anew. You chose to begin your life in college by searching for a romance you’ve never had the chance to experience in highschool. And romance doesn’t happen if you just sit and wait around all day.

You’re going to chase it, and it begins with going to a cheap rooftop bar in the middle of Seoul and drinking a few too many drinks for you to handle.

Okay. Maybe that wasn’t the smartest idea considering you woke up in your apartment with no recollection of how you got home, save for a message from Yura to text her once you’ve woken up, but at least you managed to collect some numbers and friend requests from a handful of other orgmates while your social skills were tampered by alcohol. Those numbers included Beomgyu’s. You dare call this a success.

Still, org life is secondary to academics no matter how much more fun it is over the latter. The only thing you receive from the Shutter group chat is a good luck message for the first week of classes and some idle conversations here and there. You’re on the way to your first class after telling Kim Mingyu, the organization’s founder, to eat shit and choke on his lunch.

“Morning.” You look up from your iPad to see Kang Taehyun take the seat next to your seat in the lecture hall. You’ve met him at the orientation, and honest to god he intimidated you then. He was the guy that kept asking questions to the moderator about anything and everything. He still intimidates you, but you’re determined to not be a friendless loser throughout the four years of your bachelor’s degree, so you greet him back.

“I asked some seniors if they can share their notes for our Intro class,” you mention. “I can send it to the group chat later once I organize them.”

“Really?” he says. “Are you close with any of our seniors? I would’ve done the same if I knew at least one of them.”

“No,” you grin. “Survival over shame. But I think I already have a pre-positioned target on my back even before the welcome party.”

Taehyun shakes his head with a laugh, and you oddly feel proud of yourself. “I’ll have your back, don’t worry.”

Some of your other classmates overhear the conversation. You grace your blessings upon them as well and a small group begins to form in the middle of the lecture hall right before your professor walks in to take attendance. You spend the class diligently taking notes because although you might be a little lovestruck and heart-eyes for a certain person from the building next to yours, you’re not revolving your entire life around him. Sort of. You’re going to pass by the club room later in case he’s there.

He’s not. It’s just Mingyu and your short-term beef with him for taking unflattering photos of your hammered ass last Friday. You don’t hide your disappointment when you see him. He calls you over to take a seat next to him in front of the computer.

“You’re good at graphic design, right?”

“I have experience.” You pull out a chair and take a look at the monitor. SHUTTER.TXT ELECTIONS. This Thursday at Mirage Building Room 104, 4:00 p.m. Be there or be square.

You shoot Mingyu a look of judgment. “What?”

“You should stick to camerawork, boss. Move your ass.”

He swivels away and you take over the mouse and keyboard, doing your best to fix the layout of the publication material. “Can first-years be elected?”

“Why?” he’s playing with the strings of his hoodie. Sometimes you forget that he’s your org’s founder. “You eyeing a position?”

Yes. Next to Choi Beomgyu. “Maybe?”

Mingyu grins. “I’ve got you. Don’t worry. I’m so happy to have such a dedicated member to exploit and work wageless. Thank you so much in advance for your service.”

You have nothing to thank Kim Mingyu for because although he did nominate you on the day of the elections which secured your spot, you were elected as Assistant Layout Director. Beomgyu is currently making a dumb thank you speech in front of the lecture hall for being the Videography Director and everyone is cheering. You’re moping in your seat until all of the newly elected officers are called to the front for a picture taking.

“Please stand in the order of your positions! Alright, perfect!”

Click!

The amount of times you’ve been blocked today is harrowing. You’re wearing a smile, holding out a thumbs up while posing for a picture, but you want to throw a tantrum. There’s a giant body standing in between you and Beomgyu. Your tears are internal and eternal.

“Three more!”

Suddenly, you feel a hand on your shoulder, and your feet are moving by themselves. Rather, someone is moving you. You look up to see the bunny boy you shared a table with last orientation, now on your right when you swear he was just on your left earlier, in between you and Beomgyu. Wait a minute, you realize. You’re so touched you could cry, but someone from the front yells your name.

“Stop looking at Soobin and look at the camera!”

It’s followed by the eruption of insinuating noises from the rest of your orgmates, and your face grows hot from embarrassment. You don’t acknowledge their teasing, save for a middle finger directed at Shutter’s Founder-slash-newly-elected-Chairperson, then you collect your composure, strike a cute peace sign for the camera, and try your best to make it not so obvious that you’re thrilled to at the very least be standing next to Beomgyu for the photos.

“Alright! Thank you, everyone!”

The lecture hall breaks into claps and conversation as you all scatter around after the picture taking. You scan the crowd for the mop of black hair that did you a favor earlier, belatedly remember that he’s the Layout Director and your direct superior. You spot him with Mingyu, looking mildly terrorized at the older male’s affection. When Mingyu sees you approaching them, you can see the heinous intent in his smile when he greets you. “Oh, you’re here.”

“Congrats, Chair,” you declare blankly, then brighten your smile when you look at Soobin. “Congrats to you too, director! I will do my best to assist you.”

He receives your outstretched hand with a shake and bows politely. Mingyu clicks his tongue at your exchange. “Ey, how can you make your preference so obvious?” He’s very obviously referring to you, extending the teasing from earlier, and you wear the most threatening look on your face that you can manage while still holding hands with your innocently smiling colleague. You’re dead if you keep that up, you try to signal with your eyes. Mingyu only gives you a wink and walks away with a pat on Soobin’s shoulder. If Beomgyu gets the wrong idea from their teasing and closes off all your chances with him, you’re going to kill Kim Mingyu first.

“I’m sorry. Mingyu hyung likes to mess around a lot.” You turn your attention back to Soobin, heart clenching. Poor boy doesn’t need to apologize on behalf of his demonic senior. You shake your head and tell him it’s fine,

“Officers, please stay for a quick meeting! The rest may leave. Thank you all for attending!”

You give Soobin a quick smile before running off to where the rest are gathering, bumping into Yura whom you gave a quick hug. She was also elected. Program management committee member. You both stand next to each other as you listen to Mingyu’s announcements. There will be an orientation for officers this weekend and then you’d have to start planning and organizing for Shutter’s first major event— an acquaintance party slash mini workshop of sorts. One of the officers asks “didn’t we already have a welcome party the other week?” Mingyu defends by saying there’s no harm in getting all the members to bond together as often as we could. You’re sure he’s just looking for an excuse to party, but you’re not complaining.

“See you all at the org office this Saturday. Get home safe!”

“We’re going to COEX. Jake and Yunjin brought their car. You’re coming with us.”

Your shoulders slump, and your heavy bag drops to the floor. You give your friends an incredulous look. “I have a meeting. You guys said you were too lazy to eat out yesterday, but now you all have the energy when I have a fucking meeting.”

Taehyun tells you better luck next time before slamming the passenger’s seat right in front of your face. Sunghoon gives you a pat on the head before following inside. Kazuha promises to get you takeout and stop by your club office later. Though you’re thankful that you managed to find a group of friends from your year and major, moments like these make you want to eat sand.

“Be honest. You can totally skip the meeting but you’re flaking out on us because you want to see your crush.” Jay earns a kick on his ass before he retreats into Yunjin’s car. You wave them goodbye and dust off your bag, slinging it over your shoulder again and make your way to the office.

“You’re here!”

When you open the door, Beomgyu greets you with a smile. There’s a camera dangling on his neck and he’s carrying a tripod bag across his torso. You feel your mood instantly shooting up, like a flower bed is growing inside your ribcage with how ticklish you feel in your chest. Jay was right. You actually have nothing important to do today besides errands, probably. God, you’re down bad.

“Perfect timing! Can you come with me for a sec?” Your head automatically nods like you’re stupid, but you don’t mind the fact that you look stupid because Beomgyu beams, and you’re happy if he’s happy. He wants to take you somewhere and you’re buzzing in your shoes at the mere thought of it. Flaking on your friends is the best decision you’ve made today and Jay can suck on his left toenail.

“Soobin hyung! I need you, too. You can continue working later.”

You hear a whine from inside the room. Soobin shows up beside Beomgyu with a scrunched up look of annoyance, which immediately gets replaced with surprise when he spots you by the doorway. He gives you a flustered bow and greeting, promptly adjusting the black-rimmed glasses resting on his nose.

“Mingyu hyung says we need to present an introduction video for the executive board for the event next week. I’m doing it by position and you two are next on my list. Let’s find a good place to shoot for the both of you.”

Oh. You press your lips into a smile, nodding. “I think the gazebo near the Communications building would be great.”

“Perfect. Let’s go!”

You’re the dumbass for jumping into conclusions and thinking that Beomgyu would have a reason for the both of you to be alone together. You’re walking across the campus with your crush and the guy your Chairperson is teasing you with. Maybe you should have just gone along with your friends. You heard a fried ice cream store opened at COEX the other day. The cold desert on your tongue would’ve immediately cured your embarrassment and shame.

“I’ll get your solo shots first. Soobinie hyung, give me a cute pose.”

You watch the two boys bicker while they shoot the video clips. You remember that Beomgyu is majoring in EMC, so they must be close since they come from the same department. “Hyung, look this way.” Soobin seems to follow Beomgyu’s direction despite his grumbling.

It’s easy to get lost in thought while watching Beomgyu in his element. The camera isn’t focused on him, but you still feel like he's the focal point of the frame captured by your field of vision. There are flowering trees all around the surrounding areas of the gazebo, and the white petals falling from above dance around him.

He’s really so pretty. So pretty and dreamy but evidently unattainable.

“Be back in a sec. Good job, hyung! You can sit down now.”

Beomgyu runs off to greet some of his friends that have just passed by. You watch as he’s laughing along with them, an unreasonable feeling of disappointment forming in the pits of your stomach. He’s always got people around him— org members, friends, and people you don’t know. It’s impossible to squeeze yourself into the picture when the frame is already full.

“Do you want to work with him instead?”

“Huh?” You look up to see Soobin towering over your pathetic frame on the bench. He takes a seat beside you, but takes a moment before changing his mind and adding more distance between the both of you with an awkward cough.

“Beomgyu,” he adds. “You’re probably disappointed that you weren’t elected as his assistant instead, right?”

You look at him, horrified.

“Haha, what do you mean?”

Sure, you haven’t been the most discreet with your heart-eyes for the guy, but you don’t think you’re that transparent. You want to question him further— what makes you say that? Have I been really fucking obvious?— but then your palms become sweaty, and you remember he switched places with you the other day and that’s how you managed to stand next to your crush for the photo. He knows. He definitely knows you have a crush on his friend and there’s a chance that he might fucking expose you.

Before you can get on your knees, beg him to shut his mouth and spare your rejection, Beomgyu returns and tells you to head on up to the gazebo.

“I also called the rest of the guys so we can finish everything in one go,” he says while adjusting the camera on the tripod.

You’re nervous, Self conscious to have such a pretty man judge your level of photogenic-ness. Thankfully, Beomgyu is kind enough to give you directions sweetly along with expressions of encouragement. When you’re done with your solos, he tells Soobin to join you.

The discomfort on your expression is evident because Beomgyu drops the camera, revealing the dissatisfied pout on his face. “Can you two move a little closer?” You do, albeit robotically. Soobin is kind enough to stop nudging himself closer right before your shoulders could bump into one another. Beomgyu still isn’t satisfied. “Can you two…please act natural?”

How are you supposed to act natural when you’re about to shit your pants from discomfort? You look up at Soobin and he’s clearly as uncomfortable as you are. You can see the sweat droplets trickling down his neck, throat bobbing after a tense swallow. He’s hesitant to even lay a hand on you, lagging midair above your shoulder like a nervous raincloud. Your eyes gloss over his face. He drops his hand and gives you a hesitant smile. You’ve never noticed he has dimples until now.

“Please— please excuse me.”

Suddenly, you feel an added weight on your shoulders, and you stumble forward. Your face bumps into his chest. Your eyes widen in alarm. You can hear something loud thumping in your ears.

“Better! That’s great—”

Oh. It’s just your heartbeat.

“—perfect!”

Shit. Oh no. This doesn’t make sense. You have a crush on Beomgyu so it doesn’t make sense that your heart is beating like crazy for somebody else— not to mention someone who knows you like Beomgyu. It feels like the thumping just grows louder and louder and you’re feeling dizzy. You’re sure you would’ve fallen into the wooden flooring of the gazebo if Soobin isn’t keeping you steady right now. Then, from your peripheral, you can see some of your orgmates nearing the area, so you quickly move away without a second thought.

“Did we get enough shots?” you yell out for Beomgyu to hear.

“Yup! You both look great!”

Immediately, you patter off, hopping down the elevated surface and into the fresh soil. You exhale a breath you didn’t know you were holding with a hard pat on your chest. Keep it together, you scold yourself. Amongst those who just arrived is Yura, who immediately brings joy to your face when you see her. You pick up your pace to go greet her, but you slowly come to a halt when you notice her attention is deeply engaged elsewhere.

When you trace her line of vision, you spot her looking at Beomgyu and Soobin. When Beomgyu walks away to greet the other, her eyes are still stuck on the same spot, a faint tinge of pink coloring her cheekbones, and she jogs into the direction where she’s been looking at.

Your chest loosens in relief. You swivel your feet, moving towards Beomgyu who jogs up to you upon notice. “Do you want to see?” he asks, and you nod in response.

Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed because embarrassment strikes you hard in the gut that you sink to the ground at the first three seconds of the first clip he shows you. “Oh my god,” you cover your face, squatting on the grass. “Stop. Okay. Nevermind, I don’t want to see anymore.”

“Why not? You look pretty in all of them.”

The inhale you take gets caught in your throat and you nearly choke on nothing. Your palms start to grow warm from the heat emanating off your face. Holy shit. “Don’t— don’t do that.”

You hear him laugh. “It’s true though.”

Peeking through your fingers, you see him in the same squatting position right before your eyes, and you groan to hide yourself again. Even though your system is about to explode with the amount of ticklish flowers sprouting, you can’t help but feel relieved. Yes. This is how it should be. What happened earlier was only the heat of the moment and your heart was just carried away by the scene. You also have a feeling that Yura has a crush on, or is at the very least interested in Soobin, so you can bury that possibility in the soil immediately. You’ll scatter some seeds over it and hope that the daisies can be enough to mask its shame.

Your name is called by Beomgyu, and you begrudgingly force yourself to get up. Beomgyu lends you a hand. “Myungho hyung is getting us drinks from the vending machine. What would you like?”

“Um. Sprite, please.”

“Hyung! Get us two Sprites. Thanks!”

Your fingertips are still buzzing from when he pulled you up by the hand. You stretch out your joints then ball them into a tight fist, throwing your head back with a sigh. Ice cream sounds really good right now. You text Jake if they’re still at the mall and if he can pick you up in ten minutes. He says he’s on the way.

“Choi Beomgyu is out of my league, isn’t he?”

You receive a chorus of yeses from your beloved friends. It’s the day of the event and you squeezed in lunchtime at McDonald’s before heading to the venue to make it up to them. You’ve been busy the whole week with Shutter preparing for it and throughout those seven days, the times you’ve managed to talk or interact with Beomgyu at all is less than two digits.

“It’s not that you’re too ugly for him,” Sunghoon gives his unsolicited opinion, waving a single french fry in the air before throwing it into his mouth. “He just has a vibe, you know? That sort of untouchable vibe you feel from typically popular people. We’re IG mutuals and he gets a million anonymous confessions a day. You’re better off looking for someone else.”

“Jay is also good looking, aren’t you into him?” suggests Taehyun, and you offer him a grimace in response. Jay doesn’t hesitate to preview his own disgust. “Then again. That’d be incest.”

“If you want to get over him, it’s best to stop seeing him.”

“But she has to attend their event later,” says Kazuha in response to Yunjin’s advice. They all offer you a moment of silence in grief. You completely lose your appetite.

“I’m off. Mingyu told me to come early to help with any last minute preparations.”

“Where’s the thing?” Jake asks as you pick up your bag. “I can give you a ride home later, if you’d like.”

“Perriot Bowl. And it’s fine. I’m sure we’ll be finishing late so you don’t have to bother.”

“Call me if you change your mind.”

You give him a smile and excuse yourself out. It’s one bus ride to Perriot Bowl, and you don’t remember which one of the idiots thought that a bowling alley would be the best place to hold an acquaintance party. Your org is new, so it has zero funds, therefore you all had to pull money out of your pockets to rent the place and pay for other expenses.

At least everyone seems to be enjoying, you think as you sip on your plastic cup filled with coke, the venue’s shiny floors slowly being matted away by dozens and dozens of bodies. The large, overhead lights are shut off as per Myungho’s request, and the only things illuminating the bowling alley are the neon wall washers and LED strips lining the lanes in pink, purple, and blue. There’s vibrant music playing through the speakers. Your eyes land on Beomgyu helping Soobin set up the technicals.

“Ah, ah, ah. Testing, testing.”

The area hushes, and all eyes are on your chairperson standing in front of a projector screen. He breaks into a smile. “Ah, wait. Why am I suddenly nervous?”

You snort. He gets over it quickly and starts his opening spiel, welcoming the members and giving a rundown of today’s activities, starting with the introduction of officers in which you hid behind Yura in embarrassment when your face appeared through the projector screen— mainly because of Mingyu’s hollering. Somehow, you have unintentionally wiggled into your chairperson’s favor by bullying and swearing at him every time you cross paths. That shaves a lot of effort off your goal of being an integral org member.

“Feel free to drop by the snack table at the back, but before everyone can freely play some games on the lanes, let’s start with our prepared activities first!”

That’s your signal to move to the front, taking the red bandana laid down on the table near Mingyu and standing next to Soobin. You look up at him and muster a smile. “Just so you know, I’m pretty competitive.”

Soobin laughs. “I don’t like losing, either.”

Frankly, you’ve been weary about him for a while, but throughout the past week of preparing for today’s event, he hasn’t shown a hint of snitching on you, so you managed to be less tense around him. The both of you are also stuck together for the rest of your term, so it won’t help if you’re always going to be uncomfortable around him.

You give him a smile, and he returns the same expression. It also helps that Choi Soobin is very easy on the eyes.

“Please check the color of your name tags and form a line in front of the Directors that match your color. They’ll be your team leaders.”

Once the teams are divided, Mingyu reads out the game mechanics: bowling but with a mix of charades. Six lanes are open for the six teams. The rules are the same as regular bowling but there’s a time limit and in order for the players to actually play, they have to guess the words you’re acting out first. It’s a loud, screaming mess with people shouting over each other and those watching having the time of their lives watching you all make fools of yourselves. The problem with an org like this is that everyone has cameras. You ignore the shutter sounds as you disregard all shame trying to act out slipping on a banana peel on the way to a blind date and your team member runs past you to make her turn and score a strike— bagging your team’s win.

“First place goes to the reds!”

You’re screaming, cheering, jumping around with your teammates and you let out a noise when your back bumps into someone. You turn around to see Soobin clad in your team color who simmers down his bouncing when he meets eyes with you, settling for a breathless smile.

“Congrats,” he tells you. You grin at him, elbowing his arm.

“You’re pretty good at getting washed up on an island.”

His ears match the color of his jacket. “Aah, let’s forget that, let’s— look, look, Mingyu hyung is calling for us.”

He actually is, so you let it slide, allowing yourself to be bulldozed into the crowd by the shoulders by Soobin as Mingyu gives out the instructions for the next activity— an on the spot photo challenge with the theme youth.

“You guys have one hour starting…now! Don’t forget that our anonymous confession box is still open! You can find the link in our group chat and we’ll be reading the first batch of confessions before we present your entries. Have fun and good luck!”

When you reach Mingyu’s side, he slumps with a sigh after dropping the microphone. You give him a pat on the back. “Hang in there.”

“This is so tiring. How do people host for a living?!” he whines, stomping his feet. “Oh, the laptop and equipment is set up over there. You can start collecting photo entries as soon as they’re ready.”

You nod and move to your station. It gets exhausting quickly— inserting flash drives, connectors, and SD cards, selecting, downloading, uploading files and photos and it doesn’t seem like the line in front of your table is getting shorter, only longer by the moment. “Need any help?” You look up to see your lifesaver, Yura, and ask if she can take over for a moment.

“I’ll go get something to eat,” you tell her.

“I just need to transfer their files right?”

“Yup, yup.”

“Alright,” she says. “Girl, go get some rest. There’s only fifteen minutes left so you can leave the remaining entries to me.”

You happily hop off to the snack table. Your last meal was earlier with your friends and you haven’t eaten since then. Coupled with all the shit you’ve been doing since you got to the venue, your stomach is already dying and it’s only four in the afternoon. Myungho is in charge of watching over the snacks. He’s wearing a pitiful look as he passes you a can of sprite and opens the box of pizza before you.

“Are you planning on going after Mingyu’s position, or something?” he says. “You’re working too hard.”

You scrunch your nose, taking a bite from the slice. “Can’t it be because I’m just trying to impress someone?”

He raises a brow. “Who?”

“I didn’t peg you to be the nosy type, seonbae.”

“Well, whoever it is, I hope it’s working,” he shrugs. “Else you’re just working yourself to the bone without any payoff and end up disappointing yourself.”

Ouch? He didn’t need to give you a reality check like that because the entire event, you haven’t even talked to Beomgyu. Not once. You have made your attempts, but he’s always with someone every time you see him and you’ve not close enough to interrupt.

Myungho notices you frowning at your pizza. He clicks his tongue. “If you came here just to lament about your love life, please do the food a favor and leave. They’re getting soiled by your mood.”

“I’m going, I’m going. You’re so mean.”

The can crunches in your hand and you toss it to the bin on the way back to your station in case Yura is having some trouble. “The next one is from— oh, Lee Chan! I thought this was supposed to be anonymous?” It seems like they started reading the messages already. You can’t hear properly what Lee Chan said and to whom because of all the noise, and you can’t find yourself to care because on your way back to Yura, you spot Beomgyu in the direction you’re walking towards, and he’s alone.

He notices you and gives you a smile and wave. You pick up your pace to a jog.

“Eyy, what’s up?” he greets you. “Aren’t you tired yet? You’ve been working since you got here. I’ll ask Mingyu hyung to give some of your work to others if you want a break.”

“It’s alright. Yura covered for me at the submission table earlier, so I’m all done for today,” you assure him. “I’m just itching to knock down some pins already.”

He hums. “You must be pretty good.”

You grin. “I don’t want to brag but—”

Your conversation gets cut short by the feedback squeal of the microphone. You wince, the ear-splitting noise going on for a good three seconds before it gets cut off. You hear a cough through the speakers. Mingyu is onstage looking a little flustered. “Sorry, sorry, my bad. Anyway, let’s move on to the last message for now. This one’s for— holy shit—”

You hear people laughing, but you turn your attention back to Beomgyu, eagerly waiting to resume your talk.

“Ahem. To Shutter’s Assistant Layout Director.”

Your eyes widen. As if that is’t enough, Mingyu continues reading, and your cheeks grow warmer and warmer by each word he utters into the microphone, amplified by the dozens of speakers strewn around the venue.

“I think I have a crush on you.”

There’s silence, and you can sense too many eyes staring at you. It’s too early for summer but you feel the sun on your face, blazing and unforgiving. Oh my god. You want to hurl yourself into the atmosphere. Oh my god, if this is a joke, you’re going to murder a man.

“Before anyone misunderstands, this confession is from codename Shinbi. Our Assistant Layout Director may be pretty and hardworking, but my heart belongs to someone else, I hope that’s clear to everyone. Anyway—”

“Looks like you have a secret admirer on the loose.” Beomgyu nudges you. “Have any idea who it might be?”

You see, your delusional ass is hoping that it’s him, but the rational part of your brain is telling you to be realistic and stop being a stupid. “Haha, no,” you reply. It could be just someone from the many members of your org that you’ve never talked to. If they really liked you, they would step out and quit hiding behind that dumb codename.

Still, the warmth in your cheeks hasn’t disappeared yet. If shit goes to complete shit with Beomgyu, maybe this Shinbi guy can save your failing college romance. You’re not dumb enough to invest in something so evidently and palpably hopeless. You knew from the get-go– from the moment you saw him at the courtyard in the first week of school— that he isn’t someone you can attain.

Beomgyu is called out by one of his friends again, and he gives you an apologetic smile before screaming back at them and running off.

“Sorry! Text me if you need anything!”

You wave him goodbye and your arm limply falls to your side. Right. Maybe it is time to give up. There are far more important things to your life than some pretty boy from your org, anyway. It’s only a matter of time before classes come in full swing, and you won’t even have the time to think about him anymore.

“Can I tell you something?”

Yura looks up from the torn piece of paper in her hand, containing the list of orders the slave drivers from your org asked you to buy from the cafe in front of campus. It’s a place everyone from your university frequents, so it’s understandably full most of the day. Your friend looks at you attentively. This isn’t the most appropriate place to empty out your feelings, but your orders are taking too long and the buzzer is getting cold in your hands.

“I had a crush on Choi Beomgyu.” Yura lets out a hard cough. “He was the reason why I joined the Shutter in the first place.”

She’s staring at you.

“But I’m over him now.”

Speechless, with widened eyes from surprise.

“If you have any cute friends, please introduce me to them.”

“Wait, wait— one at a time! Oh my god.” Yura exhales, trying to piece together the three bombs you dropped on the table. “You have a crush on Beomgyu seonbae?! Had a crush on him?! If he’s the reason you joined, you’re not resigning, right?!”

“No way,”.you shake your head. “He might’ve been the reason, but I’ve got you guys to make me stay.”

The buzzer vibrates in your hands, and the both of you get up to pick up your orders. “The work is fun. Mingyu is annoying sometimes, but he’s generally a supportive Chair. I’ve gotten closer with the other guys, too, so I don’t see a reason why I should quit,” you continue. Once you get out of the cafe, your phone also buzzes. Yura notices the face you’re making and asks what’s wrong. “Nevermind. Mingyu is just annoying. Let’s just hurry up. The child is throwing a tantrum and needs his caffeine.”

“Are you okay, though?” she asks as you’re walking down the sidewalk back to campus. “I mean. If there’s anything else troubling you in Shutter, you can always vent to me.”

You smile at her. “Thanks.”

The both of you continued walking in pleasant silence. Right when you reach Mirage Building, Yura suddenly stops with a gasp. “So that’s why you joined round two at The Rooftop that night!”

Your brows knit in confusion.

“Because Beomgyu was there!”

“Oh, fuck you.” You feel like swallowing yourself. “I did so many stupid things that night and Mingyu has all of it one his fucking phone.”

When you arrive at the office, Mingyu isn’t even there. It’s dark and near empty save for one person and the glow of the computer screen. Soobin turns to the doorway when you two enter and scrambles on his feet to help you carry all the drinks you bought. You turn on the lights and poor boy flinches, prompting you to turn them off again.

“Sorry,” you apologize.

“It’s alright. You can turn it back on.” You don’t. Instead your squinted eyes scan the room because maybe your god damned senior is hiding somewhere to fuck with you. Soobin notices this, even in the dark.“Mingyu hyung and Myungho hyung left to take care of something urgent for their class,” he explains. “Jina noona and the rest went to get us some snacks. They’ll be back in a bit. You two can just wait.”

A huff leaves your lips and your mouth twitches. “He texted me to hurry up but his ass isn’t even here. Hold on, where’s his drink— I’m leaving it outside. What an unbelievable idiot.”

The door slams in your stomping wake and you put Mingyu’s americano right next to the plastic bag of takeout boxes from yesterday right by the door. There is no point in doing this. You’re just annoyed. You’re still grumbling curses when you stomp back in, but promptly hush yourself with the scene you’re walking in on.

Well. Nothing significant is actually happening. You watch Yura as she’s leaning on the table, an earnest spark in her eyes as she and Soobin converse over a movie you’ve never watched. You press your lips together, holding back a grin and trying to make as little noise as possible when you settle down on the springy couch in the middle of the room. Admittedly, you confided in her about Beomgyu earlier with the hopes that she’d also give hints about what you suspect is her crush on Soobin.

But then, maybe you’re just romance obsessed and attempt to find meaning in everything. You won’t know unless she tells you, but you don’t want to pry.

“Oh no. Wait, I’m sorry I have to go,” you hear her say. She hurries over to the door and pauses in front of you on the way. “Professor Han wants to meet us immediately for a paper consultation. Gosh, he just does whatever wants.”

You wave her goodbye, and now it’s just you and Soobin in the Shutter office.

He’s standing by the wooden table shoved into the left corner of the decently sized office, organizing the drinks you and Yura ordered. It’s a good thing that it’s dark— this way you can’t see the trash and wrappers on the floor, likely left by the people who went out earlier, but it’s just as likely that they’re garbage from last week. The worn out sofa you’re sitting on is in the middle of the room, up against the storage room wall.

“What are you working on?” you ask, taking a peek at the open computer at the right side of the room. There’s photoshop on the window and you can see some photos from the acquaintance party last week.

“Oh. The pubmats for the winners from the photo contest last time,” he says while walking to you. You step back to let him settle back on his seat in front of the desk. He places his coffee next to the monitor, and the swivel chair rocks back and forth as he fidgets with the layout.

You cross your arms over the chair’s backrest, leaning forward as you peek above his hair to watch him work. He stops moving. The stray strands of hair on his head tickle your nose.

“How about the officers post thingy that Chair mentioned the other day?”

“It’s— it’s in progress, but hyung told me to finish this one first.”

Squinting, you narrow into the cursor. It’s shaking, and your eyes curiously gaze down on Soobin’s hand on the mouse— also shaking, ever the slightest. Maybe he had too much coffee. Sympathy wells in your stomach and you pull yourself back. You take over the seat next to him and turn on the computer.

“Send me the psd for the other one. I’ll work on it.”

Technically, you should be working on it. It’s your job. You’re literally his assistant, but you haven’t been helping him properly lately since you’ve been filling in the spots of the officers who have been inactive lately. You’re collecting fees, accompanying Mingyu for partnership meetings, and sometimes you’re even the one scheduling posts on your social media accounts. But you failed to do the duties assigned to your actual position.

You open the file, and study his initial design before jumping in. “Is it okay if I change the fonts?”

He hums. “Go ahead.”

All you can hear are mouse and keyboard clicks in the office with the occasional creaks from the old, worn out chairs the both of you are sitting on. The blue light is starting to strain your eyes, so you stretch your back and rest them for a moment while waiting for some elements to download.

“You spelled my name wrong.”

You pause mid stretch, turning to see Soobin looking at your monitor. The screen is displaying your work-in-progress for the pubmat, officers listed from top to bottom. Your eyes scroll down until you spot his name. Chou Soobin, Layout Director. You snort.

“So did you, but I didn’t say anything.” You pull up the history panel on screen, revealing how he skewed your name in a previous version of the file, crossing your arms and leaning back on your chair.  “But anyway, my sincerest apologies, Choi Soobin. C-h-o-i Soobin.”

He looks so wronged, it’s funny. It makes you want to mess with him more.

“That was a typo! And I fixed it. Yours looks like an intentional act of malice,” he defends with an offended tone, but the corners of his lips twitch upwards and it’s infectious. You feign a gasp.

“Is that how you think of me, Choi Soobin? I can sue you for defamation, you know. But since I’m kind and compassionate and understanding, I’ll let it slide.”

“Wow,” he gapes, looking around the empty room for backup. The room is empty. You stifle a laugh. “You’re unbelievable.”

Today is the day you realize that Choi Soobin is a pretty easy going guy and you’ve got nothing to blame but your paranoia for not getting along with him a lot earlier. If you recall correctly, you also had pretty good chemistry with your team during the bowling game last time. He seems like a good guy. and you’re feeling guilty for thinking that he might tell people about your crush on his friend. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure to get it right next time, Choi Soobin. I’ll continue repeating your name until the spelling is ingrained in my brain stem, and— oh. Beomgyu texted.”

Speak the devil and he shall appear. Heck, you were only thinking about him for a good .01 seconds. You press your lips together as you come up with a reply. He’s asking if Mingyu and the rest are also at the org office.

“So,” you hear Soobin clear his throat. “How’s your progress?”

You tilt your head, still typing your reply. “With…?”

“With Beomgyu.”

Suddenly, the phone is on your lap and you make an embarrassing noise. You’re looking at Soobin with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. You knew he knew but you didn’t think he’d ask you outright like this. You cough and pick back up your phone, trying to play it cool. “Have I— have I really been obvious?”

“Maybe not?” he replied. “I don’t think anyone would have noticed unless they’re looking closely.”

You continue typing. “So you’ve been looking at me often.”

It’s his turn to be flustered. “N—no, haha. Anyway, Beomgyu is pretty popular, so the competition is brutal. But I can help you if you’d like.”

After pressing send, you straighten your legs on the chair. Your elbows press on your thighs as you lean forward and Soobin flinches back. Now that you’re looking at him closely, you don’t understand why he doesn’t have as much people lining up for him like Beomgyu. He’s actually so pretty it’s unreal. Maybe it’s because he’s less outgoing and prefers to keep to himself— even in Shutter, Soobin only talks to a handful of people on the regular, and you’re sure he only started talking to you because you literally have to work together.

Not that there’s anything wrong with being a private person. Bottomline, his face is a hidden gem and you’re lucky to be the few that can admire him up close.

“What’s the catch?” you raise a brow.

“The...catch?”

There’s a moment of tense silence until you break with a laugh, comfortably leaning back into the chair. Soobin looks confused. “I’m kidding,” you admit, swiveling the chair left and right. “I decided to give up on him.”

You know you don’t have to explain yourself, but you do anyway. Maybe it’s because there’s still a hint of doubt in Soobin’s eyes, or maybe it’s because you want to rationalize yourself. Either way, your mouth runs, and he just listens. “He’s a pretty face, he’s nice to me, and I would’ve been over the moon if there was actually something, but I don’t think I’ll ever get past being just an orgmate. Guys like him should just be admired from afar, you know? He’s like a pretty flower that you always notice in the garden, but if you pluck him from the bushes and bring him to your living room table, he’ll just wilt and die.”

You pause. “Okay. That sounds a little morbid, but you get what I mean. Anyhow, I’m done with him. I’ll get over him quickly. and I’ll find— oh, Jesus fuck!”

A burst of light suddenly breaks into the once dark room and you jump, glaring at the source of the disturbance. Mingyu’s head is peeking through the crack in the doorway. His eyes are so wide you think his eyebrows would fly off.

“Would you knock, please?” you tell him off.

“Oh— oh my, What’s this?” He’s holding up a cheeky, annoying hand to his lips. You want to throw him a shoe. “Did I interrupt something?”

“Welcome back, hyung.” Soobin greets him.

Mingyu is still wearing an exaggerated shocked expression. “Oh? Sorry, were you having a moment? Oopsies, my bad, I’ll just get my coffee and leave, please carry—”

“It’s outside,” you cut him off. He huffs.

“I know you want to be alone with Soobin, but you don’t have to kick me out.”

“Look down.”

He does, and then he gasps in horror when he sees his americano next to the trash. Mingyu looks up at you from the floor, cradling the drink to his chest. “You monster.”

You stick your tongue out at him. “Since Mingyu is already here, I’m heading out,” you announce while getting off the chair. Before Mingyu can try to stop you (he’s already shuffling back to his feet), you give Soobin a smile. “Choi Soobin, I’ll finish this at home later and I’ll send it to you so you can check.” You brush past your senior, and just as you’re about to leave, you hear your full name called out from behind.

When you turn around, you see Soobin with a cheeky smile, dimples popping. “Get home safe.”

It takes you a second to reply. “I always get home safe,” you say, and with that the door shuts behind you. As your back presses against the door’s surface, you can hear the muffled conversations of your two seniors inside, but it’s impossible to pick anything up. You give yourself a moment to take a deep breath— inhaling and exhaling to match the rhythm at the back of your head.

You quickly leave before anyone spots you, running off to the library to go over some of your classes. It’s getting loud again, you think. If this keeps up, you’re going to get yourself in trouble.

Shutter is quiet in the months leading up to your April Midterms. The group chats were still noisy from time to time— most often in the late nights when you’re trying to do your readings and study but your notifications keep buzzing, and your FOMO forces you to engage in whatever pointless conversation they’re having. There was one time, when you caught a sore throat and couldn’t speak for a day, and Beomgyu had sent some home remedies his mother always made for him. You almost caved in again. Almost. Especially when he kept checking up on you the following days after.

May flew by just as quickly. Though you only had two required major courses, it was still difficult to get into the swing of things, so you couldn’t join with a lot of Shutter’s weekend activities and instead buried yourself along with your friends in cafes, study hubs, and the library with Finals slowly creeping in.

You managed to dry yourself out of all your feelings for Beomgyu when you celebrated the end exam week at Jay’s condo. They have a video of you sobbing over him after your hammered ass saw his name when he sent a congratulations message to Shutter for surviving the semester.

That marked the end of your crush on him, and the end of spring. The weather is starting to grow warmer, and your cardigans and cotton-jackets find their places in the back end of the closet. You stop noticing the flowers peeking through your apartment window, and instead look forward to the chirping grasshoppers at the signal of the sunset.

A new season is coming. You hope it’s better than the last.

IT’S SUMMER, THE FIRST WEEK OF JULY— but you’re on campus, and it’s hot, and you’ve been sitting on the bench by the courtyard for thirty minutes waiting for Kim Mingyu to show up. The canvas you’ve been hauling with you serves as your umbrella from the sun’s radiation. His message from last night said that the call time is at 8:00 a.m. It’s already a quarter until ten, and you haven’t seen him yet.

There are a few more people on campus besides you, passing through your frozen spot on the courtyard. Still, none of them are your Chairperson. Annoyed, your fingers jab your phone screen and you put the device to your ear. A few rings, then he picks up. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

Before the semester ended, the Shutter officers had a meeting for the organization’s plans, and it was decided that you will be holding an exhibit over the break. You’re here today to give him the 26 x 19 canvas-printed piece you’d submitted for display and help set up the venue. It was a pain in the ass bringing it with you on the bus, and you’re not going to put it off until tomorrow.

You don’t hear anything on his end for a few moments. Then he swears. “Oh shit,” he hisses. “Sorry! I’m out with my classmates for breakfast. I completely forgot, crap.”

“Are you serious? I’ve been waiting since—”

“Just go to the Cultural Center!”

“I don’t know where that is?!” you blurt out, but take in a deep breath to calm yourself down. “Might I remind you, Chair, that this is only my second month in university. I tried looking for it earlier but my legs got tired and it’s too hot to walk around.” It’s also worth mentioning that you have trouble with directions in general, but that’s something Mingyu shouldn’t know because that’ll give him another bullet to tease you with.

“Fuck.” he says. “Okay. Wait. I’ll ask someone to come help you. Where you at?”

“At the courtyard,” you reply. “Who are you sending?”

He doesn’t tell you and instead cuts the conversation short. “Gotta go. I’ll join you guys later. I’m really sorry, please don’t hit me. Bye. I love you. MwahI” And then the call ends. You’re staring at your call history screen and processing what just happened.

Mingyu says he’s gonna send someone, maybe another officer, to pick up your lost ass and help you to the Cultural Center, so you should just sit here and wait. It would have been better if the bastard actually told you who’s coming so you’d know who you’re looking out for. You sit on the bench under the heat for another five minutes, arms getting tired from lifting the canvas over your head as a sun-shield.

Then something cool touches your cheek. You flinch in surprise and turn around to see Soobin holding a cold water bottle to your face. He greets you by your full name with a click of his tongue. “You could have waited somewhere else, dummy. Do you wanna get a heatstroke?”

Over the past weeks that you and Soobin have been working together, things have definitely become more comfortable. You might have passed out on face-to-face work with the org, but you’ve been doing your part as his assistant without fail— editing birthday pubmats for your members and officers, congratulatory posts, and other announcements layouts that were needed on demand.

“Choi Soobin,” you greet back. “Are you the one Mingyu sent to save me?”

“Let’s get out of here first,” he answers, eyes squinting when he looks up to the sky.

You take the water from him with a thank you, and the bottle cools your palms as you lag behind Soobin on the way to a more shaded area of the campus. “The Center was still closed when I checked earlier. The guard said the staff are still in the process of cleaning it, so we can’t start setting up anyway,” he explains. “Is this your piece?”

His question mellows you out immediately, just when you were about to complain about Mingyu again. Soobin peers at the canvas you have pressed to your side, tentatively waiting for a signal from you. You give a hum of agreement, a little self-conscious because it’s an evidently beginner piece, incomparable to Mingyu’s or Beomgyu’s works, and photography isn’t exactly your niche, but you let him take the canvas from your arms anyway. He’s careful when he holds the frame in his hands, stretching out his arms to get a full look.

“It’s pretty.”

“It’s amateurish,” you cringe. “I didn’t think they’d actually pick it.”

On the canvas is a silhouette of Sunghoon, pitch black against an ocean sunset. It’s a cliche composition, taken on a whim with Jake’s camera that you borrowed for ten minutes when you got bored on your beach trip last weekend. The decision to submit it was also just as impulsive. You’re pretty sure Mingyu, Myungho, and Beomgyu just picked it because it’s you. Nothing better than some organizational nepotism. You’ll get them to admit that eventually.

“Well, it’s pretty good for someone who’s just starting,” Soobin assures. The both of you must have forgotten that you’re in the middle of a road on campus, an archway of trees above you. The sunlight speckles that manage to leak through the leaves above can be seen shining spots on his face. “I can help you practice when I have the time.”

“No way, do you also do photography?” You’ve only seen him do graphic design and some photo and video editing so far, so you’re legitimately pleasantly surprised. “That’s unfair.”

“No, I don’t,” he answers. “I work better in front of the camera.”

You give him a look. Soobin notices that you don’t quite understand him.

“If the model looks good, then the photo will look good too.”

You’re speechless. “Wow,” you gape. “You know, my first impression of you was that you’re a very kind, very shy, very gentle, very humble individual. But you’re actually quite shameless, Choi Soobin.”

Soobin only laughs, and you try to take your canvas back, but he insists on carrying it. You let him, not by choice, but because he lifted it up to his head and you can’t possibly fucking reach that unless you climb him. Giving up, you look around. “So, what now?” He raises a brow. “The Cultural Center is closed and Mingyu will take a while. What are we supposed to do?”

You didn’t expect him to actually try and think of something, so you’re surprised to hear his silence while he’s deep in thought, contemplating. You stifle out a chuckle. “Would you...like to check out a different exhibit in the meantime?”

“Hm?” you look at him. “What exhibit?”

He scratches the back of his neck. “Well, I had Programming last semester and we had to develop an app as our final project. The faculty decided to display some outputs, and— a-anyway, it’s in the CICT Building. If it’s too far, we don’t have to go.”

“No, I wanna see.” You tug on his sleeve and make your way to their building, overly familiar with the directions from the times you’d loiter around the premises in the hopes of catching a glimpse of Beomgyu, only to get roped by Mingyu and the other Shutter members for a few rounds at different pop-up bars and cafes in the city. But it’s been a while since you’ve been here. It’s white like most of the college buildings on campus, but it’s impossible to tell from the outside how much more budget the administration gave to this building for the air conditioning.

Soobin leads you inside the lobby and from there, you can already see a mini LED screen with the animated text saying SOPHOMORE COMPSCI EXHIBIT. IT203 Programming. OB 101. July 1-23, 2023. No admission fee! along with printed arrows on the floor leading to the large double doors on the right wing of the building. There are white and red balloons forming an arch around the door— their department’s signature color. “You guys really went all out,” you nudge Soobin. He makes a noise of what you assume is embarrassment.

When you enter, you’re met with computer monitors, television screens, and even more LED screens in the large room, lining up in different rows with signs and other things you can’t quite name accompanying them. You’re so used to having only printouts, PDFs, and word documents in front of you for your major that you forgot other courses have a little more life in them.

“Ohhh? Soobin, you’re here.”

Then you notice that there are a lot more people in the exhibit, presumably Soobin’s classmates because they either walk up to him, greet him, or both. You’re stuck with a customer service smile as Soobin engages with them. That is until one of them— a girl you think you share an elective class with— looks at you with a bright smile. “Hi! Are you Soobin’s girlfriend?”

Your eyes bat three times. You’re flustered, but you maintain a tight smile to mask it. Soobin isn’t handling it as well as you because he audibly makes a choking noise and his face, neck, and ears are visibly matching the color of the decorations strewn all about.

“Soobinie, I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Why didn’t you tell us? Wow, I’m hurt.”

“It’s always the quiet ones you have to look out for.”

“N-no, what are you—” he stammers. “She’s not— I mean, why would you—”

Oh no. His friends’ hollering and teasing isn’t helping his case at all until Soobin gets enough of it and tells them to shut up while shooing them away. “I’m sorry. You must’ve been uncomfortable,” he says once they’ve all scattered off, a noticeable change in his timbre. “Should we just go?”

“It’s fine,” you assure him. “I’m sure they always do that whenever you’re with a friend they’ve never met before. Anyway, let’s just look at your work! Where is it? Which one?”

You’re already sniffing out the displays one-by-one, but Soobin lags behind for a moment. You turn back, looking at him expectantly. “Choi Soobin.”

“It’s at the end of the next row.” His pace is slow as he leads you to his display, as though there’s glue on his heels, pulling him into the floor. Your nose bumps into his back when he stops all of a sudden. Soobin spins around to sputter apologies, crouching a little to examine your face. “Oh no—”

Your face is a little scrunched up and your cheeks are squished in between his palms. “Does it hurt anywhere? Shit, I’m so sorry.” You can’t even say anything because he’s mushing your face. Your hands crawl up to his arms, about to pry him off, but you hear a voice inserting himself into the scene, and so you pause in the same position.

“Kids have gotten bolder these days.”

You and Soobin turn your heads at the same time. You see someone leaning against the foundation pillar next to one of the displays. He has his arms crossed, and staring at the both of you with sharp, curious eyes. But it isn’t quite clear since strands of his hair are covering most of it. The corners of his lips curve upwards, almost playfully. His piercings catch your attention next— dangling silver amidst various hoops and studs.

In other words, he’s dangerously attractive.

“Hyung.”

Your eyes shift back to Soobin. His arms drop to his side and he straightens his posture. You watch as the newcomer approaches him, keeping a close eye on Soobin’s expression to gauge whether they’re close or otherwise. “Ah, go away.” Soobin rolls his shoulders when the other guy suddenly latches onto him like a koala, the same subtle grin painting his face.

“Wow, you aren’t even greeting me properly, you punk.”

Soobin gets a noogie, and you’re staring at the both of them with an absentminded smile until you’re finally noticed. There’s something in his gaze when he cranes his head ever the slightest to look at you, a slow roll of his irises, and you feel something burning.

“Hi Soobinie’s girlfriend,” he greets. Soobin fully shoves him off.

“She isn’t.”

“I overheard the commotion earlier, though?”

“My blockmates were just messing with me.” Your friend lets out a groan. “Go away.”

He doesn’t go away. Instead, he releases Soobin and he slowly walks up to you. Your throat gets tighter every time he takes a step closer, up until he’s standing directly in front of you. “Hi,” he introduced himself. “I’m Choi Yeonjun. That guy’s senior.”

Yeonjun points a thumb to ‘that guy,’ who isn’t looking very bright at the moment, making it more difficult for you to gauge whether they’re actually friends or not. But you put it on the backburner for now and give Yeonjun your name in response. He repeats it, testing how the syllables should roll off his tongue. Admittedly, your name sounds better when he says it.

“Are you really not dating Soobin?” he asks, and the question catches you off guard.

“N—no,” you quickly reply. “I’m very single right now.”

You want to punch yourself. The fuck kind of response was that?

It doesn’t help when you hear Yeonjun laugh a little, and you feel yourself physically shrink and burn up. You’re sure there’s air-conditioning in the room, but you’re fanning yourself with your hands. The air squeezing down the back of your throat feels like flammable gas. “Sounds a lot like an invitation,” you hear him say. You shoot up, blinking a few too many times.

“I’m sorry?”

Something is tugging on the corners of his lips, and brushes an index finger under his nose. “To watch your exhibit,” Yeonjun clarifies. “You’re friends with Soobin so you’re probably in Shutter, right? So, when’s your exhibit?”

“O–oh, I’m not sure. I’ll ask our Chair once we meet with him later.”

You release a breath you’ve been unconsciously holding. “Then…” he trails off, and you flinch when he suddenly dips closer. Holy shit, he’s too close. “Won’t you need my number so you can tell me the date once you’re sure?”

There’s a cough, and you can hear Soobin mumble something inaudible. Your head peers above Yeonjun’s shoulder and he turns around to check on Soobin, as well. You ask him to repeat himself. “It’s nothing. I can give you updates on the exhibit, hyung,” he says. “And the open dates will be posted on our page as well.”

“Ah, is that so?”

Your eyes narrow at their exchange. Soobin calls Yeonjun hyung and the latter knows he’s in Shutter, so you’ve settled with thinking that they’re friends. Yeonjun also seems to be pretty comfortable around your friend, but the evident tension in the air is making you second guess. You’d have to ask Soobin later.

Then, Yeonjun says something that throws your plans out the window.

“She can just give me a different date,” Yeonjun says. He spins on his heels and returns his attention to you, an eager smile on his face. “Right?”

Now, your love life might have been a consistent dumpster fire, but it doesn’t take a genius to take a hint that Choi Yeonjun is hitting on you right now.

Your brain is short-circuiting, causing you to sputter out an unsure, “Yes?”

“Okay.” It seems like that was good enough for Yeonjun because he graces you with a satisfied smile and holds his hand out. You stare at his open palm. He lifts a brow. “Phone?”

“Oh! Right—”

You dig into your pockets and fish out your phone, passing it to Yeonjun who brings the device close to his face, covering the amusement on his lips from your unhidden fluster. “Cute,” you hear him mumble, and it feels like you’re being swallowed by hot sand.

It’s hard not to get your hopes up from a first meeting like this, but Yeonjun is merciless. Your hopes flutter far above your head when he texts you later that evening while you’re out for dinner with Yura, asking when the aforementioned date will be.

“Why is it so hard for all of us to get together?” Yunjin opens your first lunch together since the beginning of break by slamming a sprite can into the table. “It’s summer break for fuck’s sake!”

The hot pot restaurant you’re in has gotten noisier with your group’s presence. There’s chopsticks clattering on silver platters, soda cans spritzing open, and a mess of voices as justifications break out from all sides of the table.

“I went home to see my parents!” Jay defends himself.

“So did I!” adds Jake.

“Kazuha booked her flight at the end of the month because she’s smarter than you two,” Yunjin points her chopsticks at the latter before switching over to you, who’s innocently shoving a piece of boiled meat into your mouth. “And you—”

“It’s not my fault I have org shit to take care of!” you say with a full mouth. Taehyun passes you a glass of water.

“What about you?” Jay juts out his chin at Sunghoon, who’s also quietly eating from his bowl like you’ve been earlier. “What’s your excuse?”

The moment summer break began, Sunghoon suddenly disappeared without a trace. He showed up at Jay’s condo with a suitcase and shopping bags yesterday evening without an explanation. You have yet to hear from the man himself. He gets uncomfortable from the amount of eyes staring at him and slams down his spoon.

“Can’t a man get some personal time?!”

“Then go have lunch by yourself.” Taehyun pushes aside Sunghoon’s bowl while reaching out for some side dishes. “I’m sure he had a two week fling but it didn’t work out so now he’s crawling back.”

“Yah, what do you know?” Sunghoon shoots up. “You’ve never even dated before.”

“Hey, you shouldn’t slander Taehyun,” Yunjin butts in. You didn’t think Taehyun’s accusation was true until Sunghoon’s reaction. Poor guy really must have gotten dumped. “He got asked out by Aecha and a girl from broadcasting while you were off the radar.”

Sunghoon sits back down. “Seriously?”

“Wait, how come I don’t know this?” Jake only snorts at your question and reaches over the table to place a cube of radish into your open mouth. Your jaw chews automatically, waiting for an explanation.

Taehyun shrugged. Jay answers on his behalf. “Do the both of you even open our group chat? He turned them down. I wasn’t even in the country but I knew.”

“What the—” Sunghoon looks at the man in question. “Dude. Aecha is so pretty, why would you reject her?”

“Go date her yourself, then,” he says.

“Maybe I will.”

“I feel like I’ve overheard this conversation in high school,” you hear Kazuha from beside you and you breathe out a laugh in agreement.

“But I was also pretty shocked when I found out Taehyun turned her down,” Yunjin says. “I thought you two got along pretty well.”

Aecha is another girl from your major, and you’ve seen her and Taehyun together a few times— asking questions about your classes and such. It never hit you that she had a thing for your friend. Then again, you aren’t the smartest person in that area, either. While listening, you’re on the verge of spilling your guts out on the table about the very dangerously attractive senior you met the other day. Kazuha notices how you’d suddenly grow quiet from time to time. You open your mouth, but Taehyun catches everyone’s attention.

“I’m not interested in dating,” he says. “I’ll just get distracted. If I’m going to be this nation’s president in the future, there’s things I need to prioritize first.”

You want to laugh at him, but the shit he’s saying is actually possible, even if he’s saying it with a serious voice as a joke. You decided to take public administration as a pre-law, but Taehyun seems to have a higher ambition than all of you combined. Sunghoon warns him that he shouldn’t be too confident about staying single, “You’ll never know when you’ll fall in love and trip over your plans, buddy.” Taehyun just shrugs him off and continues eating his lunch.

You’ve already emptied your bowl and are once again deep in thought. It’s not only Kazuha that notices this time— Jake eyes you as he drinks from his glass of water. When he settles the glass down, he calls out your name. Your eyes snap forward and look at him. “Yeah?”

“What’s up?”

Man, you really have to fess up now, don’t you? It takes a while to get the words out of your system, and the amount of eyes staring at you is making the food crawl back up your system. This must be how Sunghoon was feeling earlier. “Well,” you start, trying out one word at a time. “I met a guy.”

Jay nearly spits out his water. You don’t give them an opportunity to grill you and continue.

“We’ve been texting for a few days.” It’s Yunjin’s turn to choke on her water. “Is it...too soon to go on a date with him this weekend?”

You’re guessing you gave out too much information at once, so it’s taking them a while to make a response. You sit there, innocently fiddling on some tissue paper. Jay is the first one to recover/ “Holy shit. I didn’t believe you when you said you were over Beomgyu, but I guess you’ve really did move on, huh.”

“Is he pretty? Is he from our uni? What’s his major?”

“You have a thing for tech boys, don’t you?”

“Shut up,” you smack Sunghoon. “But is it too soon? Or…?”

Kazuha drags her chair closer to yours. “Tell us about him first.”

You cock your head, a little hesitant to say anything about Yeonjun yet. You don't think you know him well enough, granted that you’ve only been texting for a few days. Still, you tell him what you can— his name, that he’s a friend of a friend, and that he’s one of the prettiest people you’ve ever seen.

“I think it’s too sudden,” says Jake.

“I think he’s just playing with you.” You smack Sunghoon a second time.

“Don’t listen to them!” Yunjin jumps in before the boys can do any more damage. “You should go date whoever you want and it doesn’t have to be serious. You’re at the very least interested in him, right?”

“Well— yeah.”

“And it seems like he’s interested in you, too! If it works out, then great! If it doesn’t, then we’ll just help you get over him. Give it a shot. You’ll never know unless you do.”

You ponder over Yunjin’s advice for the rest of the day until you find yourself staring at your phone screen instead of going to sleep. The night is leaking through your window, and you turn to your side, biting your thumb. The screen is showing your last conversation with Yeonjun, earlier this morning before you left to meet with your friends. Your bedside clock ticks impatiently. Then you start typing.

Saturday.

Hm?

I heard there’s a summer promo at Baskin Robbins.

You shove a pillow to your face and you end up kicking off your blankets. Taking a sharp breath, you sit up and attempt to lower the rising temperature, else you wouldn’t be sleeping tonight. Though when you see his reply, you fumble harder.

Can’t wait :)

Yunjin should’ve warned you that taking her advice had side effects.

Saturday comes. You’re already sweating buckets on the elevator ride down your apartment.

It’s hot out, so I’ll pick you up, Yeonjun texted a few hours prior. He also asked what outfit you’ll be wearing. We should match, he says. You’re in an oversized striped dress shirt and about to pass out from nervousness.

One thing you haven’t told your friends is that fact that you’ve never been on a date before. Like, ever. Your high school years were plagued by books and tests and assignments and the moment your parents allowed you to move out for university, you decided you wanted to live your life to the fullest— at least during your first year.

However, your resolve doesn’t translate to having balls of steel. The elevator reaches the ground floor and you hesitate to leave. You pull out your phone and use it as a mirror to give yourself one last check, fearing that your makeup has already melted off. It took you thirty minutes just to get your eyeliner perfect and you’d cry if they’ve gotten ruined.

You only get one quick glance before the screen flashes on. An incoming call from Yeonjun. You press the phone to your ear and hurry out the elevator. “I’m on the way!” The floor is slippery when you skid across the lobby and emerge through the entrance, but you manage to catch your balance by holding onto the doorframe.

“I see you.”

You allow your arm to fall to your side because you spot him as well in front of your building, waiting outside a gray vehicle. He was serious when he said he’d match your clothes.

Yeonjun waves at you with a wide grin, but eyes covered by the dark shades perched on top of his nose. It doesn’t stop your cheeks from flaring up. You feel like you should be the one protecting your eyes and not him.

“The temperature today is brutal, isn’t it?” he says upon your arrival. “Ah, I can’t wait for some ice cream therapy.”

He should know that he’s much more dangerous than the scalding summer heat. The warmth from his palm is still lingering on your shoulder when he guides you inside his car, and you feel a lot more lightheaded inside the compact space of the vehicle than when you were outside. Your left leg is jerking in nervousness. Yeonjun turns on some music, and you start to loosen up a bit more.

“You know,” he says, eyes on the road in front of him. “You’re a lot more talkative in text than in person.”

You should’ve known you’ve been pathetically obvious. “Relax. I won’t eat you up.” Yeonjun assures.

“It’s just that,” your knuckles tighten on your lap. “I’ve never been on a date before.”

“Really? Guess I should do a good job today.”

When you snatch a glance at him, he peers at you with a smile and you want to explode. “So that you’ll let me take you out on a second one.”

It’s always like this whenever you’re with Yeonjun. You learn this after the second, third, fifth time you’re out with him. It’s like something is burning, always keeping you on your toes else you’ll combust along with the flames. He’ll say something that’ll set your cheeks on fire and won’t do anything to put it out.

Yet the burn is addicting, like when your fingers start to sting a little after playing with lit candles whenever there’s a power outage. But you still swipe your index finger barely above the flame to show off that you can tame it with your own hands.

The exhibit will be on the twenty-second of July. Yeonjun says he’ll be there.

“You’ve been in a great mood lately.”

You turn around after settling an easel at the end of the room to find Mingyu fixing the ones next to you. It’s a day before the exhibit— Hanyeorum, as the selected title— and some volunteers from Shutter are making last minute preparations at the Cultural Center. The easels you borrowed from storage finally arrived. All that’s left is to arrange them along with the photos, and plaster their labels underneath.

“Some would say you even look prettier,” he wiggles his brows, and you snort.

“What do you want, Chair?”

Mingyu pouts, moving over to another corner of the venue. “Your attitude still sucks, though.”

“As if yours is any better,” you shoot him a grin. He lets out a scoff and falls to the floor, sitting cross legged and looking up at you. He pats the ground in front of him. You’ve been working and walking around since two in the afternoon and it’s already getting dark, so you take his offer.

“Are you inviting anyone for the exhibit tomorrow?” he asks. You raise a brow at him, wiping your hands with the towel you’ve just stolen from his shoulder. The easels are dusty. Mingyu continues talking. “They say if you bring someone to check out Seo Myungho’s ‘Everlong,’ the both of you will fall in love.”

“That sounds fucking stupid.” You toss the towel back at him. “Wait a minute. Are you spreading these rumors to get more people to come?”

He grins. “Genius, right?”

“Hate to admit it, but that’s actually a good strategy,” you tell him, and his face stretches into a proud smile. “Need any help spreading fake news?”

“If we reach one-fifty visitors on the first day, I’m treating everyone who helped out. A new bar opened in the district.”

You shake on it. “Leave it to me.” How can you say no to free drinks? Even if you don’t reach the quota, Mingyu will probably spend money on you all, anyway.

“I’ll take over from here. Go take a break until the guys come back with the displays.”

You have no reason to protest. You snatch a can of soda from a plastic bag in the middle of the room and make your way outside. The night breeze is gentle on your skin, and you spot someone else taking a breather outside the building. He’s leaning against the railings, looking into the dim painted campus. “Choi Soobin,” you call out. He turns around, blank face tugging into a small smile and he greets you the same way as you called him. It’s been a while since you’ve hung out with him. Even the days where you were working for the exhibit, you and him have only exchanged a few words, mostly greetings.

“Are they done inside?” he asks. You take the spot next to him.

“Not yet,” you reply. The soda can is cold on your lips, and you look up at him. “Heard the rumor about Myungho’s piece?”

“The one Mingyu hyung is spreading to get people interested?” Your laugh comes off as a huff of air when he hits the nail on the head. Just how many people has Mingyu been recruiting? Soobin tells you how ridiculous it sounds. “I don’t think it’s gonna work as well as he thinks.”

“I think otherwise,” you tell him. “The fact that such a rumor exists in the first place is gonna draw their curiosity, whether they believe it or not. 2,000 won isn’t much. I’m sure people would throw away their money to see what in the hell this Everlong piece looks like.”

Soobin laughs. “You’ve got a point.” He stays quiet for a moment before asking, “Did you invite Yeonjun hyung?”

“He says he’ll come,” you reply. “What’s with the face?”

You’ve noticed his discomfort on the day you met Yeonjun, second guessing your assumption that they were friends (they are, Yeonjun assures. Soobin also clarified that when you questioned him on the same day). However, you still haven’t gotten an explanation from that dau. You hope Soobin will give you some clarity tonight. “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way,” he starts, and you listen attentively. “But I’m just worried.”

“Is he a player, or something?” you raise a brow. “He does look like one, and I thought so too at first until I got to know him better. But if he is, you would’ve warned me.”

Soobin shakes his head. “No, well— he’s not like that, but—” He’s a little hesitant. You can tell from his expression. “Yeonjun hyung isn’t an...actively bad person. It’s just that…he sort of has commitment issues.”

This is news to you, but you keep your thoughts to yourself first. Soobin continues and you keep listening. “He doesn’t hesitate to make a move when he’s interested in someone, but after a couple of dates or when things start getting a little more serious, he gets cold feet and it ends up— you know.”

It’s not an easy story to tell. Soobin must have spent a while thinking if he should tell you these things about Yeonjun or not, considering the fact that he’s probably closer with him than you, who just popped up in his life a few months ago. Yet he still told you, and he’s looking at you with such an earnest concern in his eyes. “The two of you are my friends and the last thing I’d want is either of you getting hurt.” To say you’re touched is an understatement.

“For a while I thought you were being jealous.” You joke in an attempt to lighten up the mood, but it’s only made the air colder and you quickly try to cover it up. “But thanks for looking out for me, Choi Soobin.”

He presses his lips into a tight smile. Your shoulder slump, letting yourself sink into the railings.

“I don’t know. I still like him a lot,” you admit and Soobin hums in response. “Still. Whatever happens, I hope it doesn’t get in the way of your friendship with either of us.”

Soobin’s smile settles softer. “Of course,” he says, and it’s suddenly a lot easier for you to breathe. In spite of the arid summer weather, it’s cooler tonight. The wind blows in a gentle rhythm outside the Center, and you sip on your soda in the quiet of each other’s company. The science doesn’t last long— you start hearing a lot of noise coming from inside the building, prompting you to straighten.

“I think Beomgyu and the rest are back,” you tell Soobin, tugging on his sleeve. “Let’s go. God, I can’t wait for this shit to be over.”

You should’ve taken Soobin’s words as a warning.

It’s the day of the exhibit’s opening and people are slowly trickling in. The tarpaulin in front of the building was designed by yours truly— Hanyeorum in a warm orange and deep purple palette. Mingyu says he can already smell the success of the exhibit, but you’re restless at the ticketing area, walking in circles with your eyes glued to your phone until someone calls out your name.

“Your friends are looking for you,” Yura’s head pops into the booth. “Chan is coming in a bit to take over.”

When Chan arrives, you hop off from your post and join the four people loitering by the entrance. Yunjin and Kazuha are out of the country for vacation, so you’re left with four bastards. They don’t notice you as they’re huddled around your piece near the doors, so you bump your head into Jake’s back.

Four heads turn around. Jake swallows you in a one-armed hug when they notice it’s you. “They finally set you free,” he says, destroying all the work you put in your hair in a matter of seconds.

“This org will fall apart without me,” you say, still tucked into your friend’s side and you cringe when your eyes land on your piece. Mingyu still hasn’t admitted that it’s only up for display because he’s biased. Your friends are praising you because they’re biased, too.

“This one is the best in the entire exhibit.” Except for Sunghoon. You’re sure he only likes it because he’s in the photo.

“Have you even checked the rest of the exhibit?” you raise a brow at him.

“No, and I don’t need to,” he says then releases a noise of awe accompanied by an approving nod, hand on his chin and all. “This is a masterpiece.”

“Where’s the cursed photo everyone’s talking about?” Jay asks, looking around the interior like some sort of art critic. He’s even wearing obnoxious ass shades.

“Right,” Taehyun adds. “The thing you told us about.”

“It’s not cursed. It makes you fall in love,” you click your tongue, finally escaping from Jake’s grasp. Jay scoffs at your correction.

“Sounds like a curse to me.”

Nevertheless, you take them to see Myungho’s display. You guys printed it on the biggest canvas you could get your hands on and made sure to position it at the end of the building so that the viewers could wander for a longer time. The downside for that reveals itself to you in the form of your friends getting distracted by other photographs and disappearing like scattered bugs in the Center.

The only one you’re left with is Taehyun, who’s genuinely curious to see your senior’s piece.

“Wow,” he gapes. “I didn’t think it’d actually be good, but this is amazing.”

What overtakes the wall is a massive blanket of the night sky, splotched with the occasional star. It’s on the rooftop of somewhere you don’t know, but the sky is so clear, so pretty, so hollow that it draws your attention. The canvas nearly stretches from the floor to the ceiling. It was Mingyu’s idea to print it this big. He wanted to make it feel like you’re in the photo yourself— with your significant other, friend, or anyone you want to share the midsummer night sky with.

“I thought Yeonjun was coming over.” You turn to look at Taehyun. He must be done admiring the piece.

“I thought so too.” you reply.

He’s quiet for a moment— a cautious silence before asking, “Have you texted him?”

“What do you think?”

You’re engulfed in your second hug for the day. Taehyun is never affectionate with any of you, so you know you’re already that pitiful when he decides to comfort you with an embrace, but you don’t complain.

“Maybe something came up so he can’t reply yet. Don’t be too sad over a man. Enjoy your opening day with the rest of your friends.”

If Soobin hadn’t told you anything yesterday evening, you might’ve been a little more hopeful and it would have bitten back twice as hard and painful. Still, your hopes aren’t completely obliterated. You wait for a text or a call or anything up until the first day of your exhibit finally wraps up and you’re in Mingyu’s car with shitty love songs playing on the speaker on the way to Dice, the newly opened bar he mentioned.

“Cheers!”

Shot glasses clunk with one another and you feel the burn crawling down your throat. “Slow down,” Myungho warns while refilling your glass. “I don’t want to clean up after you tonight.”

Your mouth forms into bitter pout. “Cut me some slack. I’m tired and sad and I’ll get shitfaced if I want to.” Your head dips back as you finish another shot. Myungho clicks his tongue with a disapproving head shake and transfers to a different table, where you spot Soobin stealing glances at you.

Shit, he must’ve heard you. You try shrinking yourself and squeeze next to Yura. God, you probably seem pathetic to him right now. It hasn’t even been two days since you talked about Yeonjun, but his warning already happened. You don’t think you can talk to him about it yet, so you gather yourself to a different table. You hear an angel’s chorus singing when you spot Mingyu near the bar front. He’s with some Shutter members that you aren’t really close with, but you bulldoze through it.

Mingyu spots you and waves over for you to come with a bright smile that signals he’s already a few bottles in. “Sit here!” your senior beckons, patting on the empty chair beside him.

“Who’s this?” the guy sitting across him asks. You recognize him from some of the events your org has had— Jeonghan, you think, but you’re not entirely sure since you’ve never talked to him. All you know is that he likes to tease the other members in the group chat a lot.

Still, you give him a polite smile and Mingyu introduces you to each other. You were right. He is Jeonghan.

“Ohhh! So, this is her,” Jeonghan exclaims, stirring your confusion. “The girl Soobinie likes!”

You blink at him. “Ex— excuse me?”

Mingyu quickly brushes his statement away with a laugh and starts thanking you for the exhibit’s success in between drinks. There were a total of 167 visitors today, morning to evening, so Shutter finally has some expendable funds.

You should’ve learned from the first night you were out drinking with Mingyu that you cannot keep up with his pace, but you never learn. He’s making you another drink, sober enough to not spill anything, but your head is already feeling dizzy.

“I’m gonna go get some fresh air.”

“Careful! Wait, hyung you should accompany her—”

“I’m fine!” you assure. “I can still walk by myself, thank you very much.”

You can. Barely, but you can manage. It’s better than being assigned to a senior you’re not even close with and you’d much rather be alone so you can wallow in your feelings. But you overestimated your motor skills while under the influence. You bump into a pillar and stumble right when you’ve almost reached the foyer.

“Whoa. Are you okay?”

The shock and shame of seeing Soobin’s face is almost enough to snap you back into sobriety. He managed to grab you by the shoulders before you could make a fool out of yourself in a public bar.

“Choi Soobin,” you greet him. “You were right. Totally, completely right.”

“Let’s get you back on your feet first, okay?” He steadies you back on your feet, and you grumble with a tight grip on his sleeve to keep yourself balanced. You finally make it to the foyer, leaning against the ledge as you intake the fresh breeze. It’s a mirror of your encounter with him last night. Even the conversations are direct reflections of each other.

“Yeonjun didn’t show up today,” you finally tell him. He settles next to you, and his elbow brushes against yours.

“Maybe something urgent came up?” he says after a moment of pondering. You fish out your phone and after a few scrolls and taps, you flash him the screen, revealing your last conversation with Yeonjun. Conversation is a stretch. The rows of messages you sent today are all marked as read. Soobin’s face glows from the bluelight. “Oh.”

You pocket your phone and stare back into the horizon. There are more occupied tables settled in the bar’s backyard, eliminating any opportunity for silence to rupture. “I’m sorry,” he says. You look up and give him a smile.

“It’s okay,” you tell him. “I’m okay. We were only talking for like, three weeks. I didn’t even like him that much.”

Yet in spite of the white noise, the moment when you stop speaking feels heavier than the dead of night. Soobin peers down at your face. You’re staring blankly at the air, and he’s almost convinced you’re actually fine until he catches the slight quiver of your lips and the damp glassiness of your eyes. He flinches back when you suddenly take a sharp breath.

“I thought he was the one! God damn it—”

He’s in a bit of panic at your outburst, unsure of what to do so he settles with awkwards pats on your shoulder as you continue your fit. “Why is it so hard to get in a relationship?” you exclaim. “I mean, it seems so easy for other people! I stopped eating at the cafeteria because I see couples left and right, while all i do is fall on love on my own and end up disappointed and heart broken.”

Your rant leaves you a little out of breath. The air circling around you starts to grow warmer, and Soobin’s face starts to grow a little hazy as you slowly blink, but the concern in his eyes cuts clear despite your insobriety. It makes you laugh a little.

“Choi Soobin,” you call his attention. “Do you like anyone?”

Silence settles in the dry, arid evening. You watch as hidden thoughts flit through his head until he finally gives an answer.

“I do,” he says.

And you remember Jeonghan’s words from earlier. It’s hard to take seriously, and you’re not sure if you even want to take it seriously. Still, it leaves an aftertaste in your mouth, and you swallow it with a sigh. “Good for them,” you hum, melting further into the iron ledge. “Must be nice to be at the receiving end of love. Ah, why do I fall for people so quickly? Am I just easy?”

You earn a comforting pat from Soobin, his hand settling on the top of your head and when you peer up at him, he’s looking away with an unsure expression, the same uncertainty you can feel in the tremors from his hand.

”We should get back inside. You’re not even wearing a jacket.”

“It’s pretty warm out.”

“Still. Summer colds are brutal,” you nudge him. “Let’s go back.”

Mingyu managed to get other members to help in managing the exhibit until the first week of August, so you have more time for yourself. While everyone else crashed with the waves and dug underneath the sand, you resigned to staying indoors and sleeping in while you still can. You’ve heard from some seniors that the next semester will be a lot more brutal.

It’s only the end of July, yet the air around you has shifted from a sweltering burn to a mellow warmth of burnt orange and chalky sienna. It’s still hotter on some days, and those days you’re out with whichever friend is available.

Summer ended early for you. You’re still figuring out how you feel about that.

A WEEK BEFORE FALL SEMESTER, you and Yura decide to clean up your closets and buy more appropriate clothes for the season. You’ve already signed up for your classes once the MIS opened, and you and your friend were lucky enough to enroll in the same elective. You’re only good at graphic design, but you hope art appreciation will be kind to you.

“I don’t think I have any more space for this,” you state, expertly flitting through the clothes rack of cardigans and sweaters. There’s a red one that catches your eye, so you pull it out and hang it over your arm along with your other picks.

“That’s why I went home last weekend and left a bunch of my clothes there,” Yura replies. “What if you sell your old clothes online?”

“I’m thinking about it,” you say. “For the meantime, maybe I’ll just stuff my summer shit in a bag and hide it under the bed.”

“Sounds good,” she says. “Should we check out?”

You two leave the thrift store with two bags in each hand and decide to stop by a ramen place for lunch. While waiting for your orders to arrive, you settle into idle conversation. “You’re meeting up with Chair later, right?”

“Yup,” you reply. Your orders arrive, and you thank the waiter and split apart your chopsticks. “He wants to hear my ideas for the campus festival.”

“I feel like he relies on you a lot,” she says. “Maybe he wants you to be the next Shutter Chair.” You don’t think she’s wrong. It’s evident to everyone that you’re working more than what your position entails. Sometimes, you feel like a second Vice along with Myungho. Not that you’re overly against it— in fact, being needed makes you feel a lot better.

“Does he want to pass his headache to me?” you laugh. “I’m not even sure if I still want to stay in Shutter next year. I want to focus on my acads.”

You notice that she’s been a little less bubbly since earlier. You sip on a little bit of ramen soup and watch Yura as she eats, a thought seeping in your mind and you settle your chopsticks for a moment. “I got ghosted last month.” She coughs on a noodle. “On the day of the exhibit opening.”

Once she recovers from the joke, a glass of water from you to help, she looks at you with wide eyes. “Hello?!”

“Try some karaage.”

You place a piece of the fried dish into her mouth. While she’s chewing and swallowing, you can see her processing your words better. “Who?”

“A guy from comp sci,” you say, picking on the boiled egg in your ramen bowl. “I don’t think you know him.”

Your confession simmers in the air for a moment as you two continue your meals in silence. That is until Yura puts down her bowl after finishing her food and tells you, “I got rejected.”

Cautiously, the words stumble on your tongue. “By...Choi Soobin?”

“How did you know?!”

“I sort of noticed you have a crush on him,” you sheepishly say. “I haven’t told anyone, don’t worry.”

The both of you share a moment of silence to mourn the death of your love lives. It’s almost funny how you and her have an accumulated zero when it comes to your luck with men. “You know what,” you start, ready to leave the restaurant. “We should focus on self love next semester. Fuck everyone else.”

“Yeah!” Yura follows after you, picking up her shopping bags from the floor. “Fuck everyone else!”

Another wave of silence overtakes you as you leave the restaurant, and once you’re back out in the main space of the mall, there’s a relapse.

“I miss him.”

“I miss him, too.”

This is gonna take a while.

Yura gives you a hug before you part ways in front of campus. Mingyu already texted that he’s in the clubroom with your coffee as hostage. The ice is already melted when you get there, and the both of you spend more time scrolling on your phones on the bed Myungho bought the other week because a few too many people have fallen asleep in the office. You’re supposed to be making initial plans for the September festival, but your feet are on Mingyu’s lap and he’s trying his best to fit on the mattress.

“Hey, set me up with one of your friends.” You kick your feet to pull up your body, sitting up straight and Mingyu looks at you like you’ve just assaulted him. “I saw your insta story yesterday. The guy in the bucket hat and glasses is cute.”

“He’s married to his lab reports and is in love with his cat. You’ll only get your heart broken,” he says, sending you a pointed look. “Don’t you have anyone you’re interested in from your major?”

You run the numbers in your head. There’s only a handful of people you find attractive from your major and most of them are your friends. Mingyu takes note of the unabashed disgust on your face.

“I’m guessing that’s a no. How about your anonymous confessor?”

Right. There’s that Shinbi guy from orientation. Whatever the confession said is already fuzzy to you, and no one’s even made a move since then so you didn’t dwell on it too much. Mingyu plops down the bed, looking up to you with his feet swinging behind him like a teenage girl. “Have they revealed themselves yet?”

“What? No. I think they’re over me,” you scrunch your nose. “It’s been months. It’s already expired. There’s no hope in that anymore.”

“Do you seriously have no idea who it is? Dude, I’ve been teasing you with him all this time!”

“Choi Soobin?” He gives you a look: Bingo. “What the hell makes you say it’s him? Did he tell you?”

“No.” You raise a fist. “But hear me out, okay? Wait—”

Very quickly, he scrambles off the bed and hauls in the whiteboard you have in the office. The wheels screech as he drags the giant board in front of the bed. The marker cap pulls out with a pop, and he writes CHOI SOOBIN on the white surface, all caps, and then SHINBI at the bottom.

“Look,” he taps the marker on the board. “All the letters in Shinbi can be found in his name.”

Your head tilts, observing the bullshit he’s written. He seems about right. “And?”

“That’s it,” he nods, looking proud. “What?”

You throw a pillow to his face.

“Hey, what if I’m right? What if it really is Soobin?” he pushes defensively, roughly erasing the blasphemic writings he made on the board. “How would you feel?”

It’s been months, and whoever Shinbi is, they’ve probably lost their feelings already so you see no point in dwelling on it. But if Mingyu’s speculations are correct, then that complicates things. You recall Jeonghan’s words from the other day, and the fact that Yura literally got rejected by him and she’s still far from over him. The very idea stresses you out.

“I don’t think it’s him.” You hope it’s not him. “But if it is, then he’s really doing a favor for my ego.”

Mingyu has already positioned the whiteboard back on the opposite side of the room. He’s back with a skeptical eyebrow raise. “I mean, if a good looking guy has a crush on you, won’t you feel like you’re the hottest person on earth?” Not taking things seriously fends away the stress.

“So, you’re just using him to feed your narcissism?!” he gasps. “Don’t do my son dirty like that!”

“Calm your giant tits, Gyu. It’s more likely to be Heeseung than Soobin.”

God, you don’t even want to begin thinking if it turns out to be him. Mingyu raises his arms protectively against his chest and you sigh. “Let’s shut up about this and plan for the festival.”

“Your boy thirsty ass is the one who brought this up in the first place.” You hit him with another pillow the moment he settles back on the bed. “Ow! This is why you don’t have a boyfriend. Your temper is shit.”

For the rest of the afternoon, all you two do is type down all the ideas that float in your head in a shared Google document until you realize that half of them aren’t feasible with your bare minimum budget, so the document gets cut in half until you settle with some basic shit— a photobooth and a table to sell some prints of your members’ works.

Before you conclude for the day, Mingyu mentions an upcoming university event sometime within the month. “We need two volunteers from Shutter to join the LDT. Seungcheol hyung said it’s required.” But you put it on the back burner for now. Mingyu gives you a ride home and you decide to schedule a meeting sometime in the middle of the month. For now, you have some classes to prepare for.

“Thanks, Chair. Drive safe.”

It’s great that things are starting to get busy again. That way, you can keep your mind occupied with the incoming season.

“Are you actually joining?”

It’s two weeks into the semester. Your friends are gathered under the orange leaves of burnt trees at the courtyard, spending your vacant period with laptops and other devices on the bench. “No one else volunteered,” you answer Taehyun’s question, mindlessly scrolling through a highlighted PDF document on your laptop. You have a recitation for South Korean Politics and Governance in an hour and a half. Might as well get some last minute reading while you can.

“We also have a presentation at the end of the month. I hope you don’t forget,” he says, and you roll your eyes.

“I have our work schedule planned out. You know you have zero shit to worry about when you’re with me.”

“Why did Prof. Seo pair you two up? It’s not fair,” Jake whines, pushing away his iPad in order to melt into the stone table. “Donate some brains to the rest of us.”

You peer down at the back of his head. “Who are you working with again?”

“Him.”

He points a finger to the person on the table next to yours. Sunghoon is hogging Kazuha’s laptop, but he turns back when Jake’s words sink into him. “What are you insinuating, Shim Jaeyun?”

“At least you’re not working with our major’s resident deadweight,” Yunjin joins Jake with his table meltdown, to which the latter agrees and takes back his remark.

“I’ll help you whenever I can, Yunjin,” you pat her head, but Taehyun isn’t too impressed by your volunteerism.

“No, you aren’t,” he says. “You already have Shutter and the LDT on your plate. You should sleep when you can. Yunjin, I’ll help you. Let this dumbass rest.”

You shoot him a glare for calling you a dumbass and he simply ignores you and continues with his reading material, but you are a little touched. He isn’t wrong. You still have the university festival next month and before that there’s the LDT next week— or the Leadership Development Training your university council is organizing. Every student organization, college council, and publication are required to send two to three representatives. Myungho was the only one available from Shutter’s officers, so you felt compelled to throw yourself in the waters. Mingyu assured it’s just gonna be a one-day seminar with team games in the afternoon like last year, so you aren’t too worried about it.

But Taehyun is worried. Your 2am texts to the group chat about how fucking tired you are probably isn’t of help.

“I’m going to the restroom,” you announce, and Yunjin shoots up to follow you with Kazuha automatically joining the both of you as well. Your friends are a bunch of idiots so they tell you they’re going to talk shit behind your backs before you leave.

You and Kazuha wait outside the door for Kazuha. She’s dreading your KPG recitation because she fell asleep while studying last night (read: three in the morning). “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Prof. Kim isn’t as terrifying as Sir Jung. I almost passed out the other week because he kept using my answers against me.”

“Don’t remind me,” she shudders. “I wasn’t even called but I was terrified just watching you guys.”

From the corner of your eye you see someone familiar in the hallway. Yunjun’s voice slips in and out of your ears as you meet eyes with Yeonjun as he passes by. You feel a familiar burn welling up in your system. When Yunjin notices, you have to stop her from jumping the guy when he turns to go up the stairs. “Let me hit him. Just once, please—”

“Calm down,” you grab her shoulders. “The guy’s probably just here to pass a paper.”

“I’m sorry. If i didn’t tell you to go for it, this wouldn’t have happened.”

You give her a smile. “C’mon. It’s not your fault. Besides, I’m more or less over him already. Three weeks isn’t enough to ruin my life.” It’s not that you’re pinning the blame on Yeonjun, either. You understand him, in a way, because commitment isn’t easy with a lot of people. You also fell too quick, too hard, too easily. Maybe it’s thanks to that that you’re also able to move on pretty quickly. You only hope that this doesn’t affect his and Choi Soobin’s friendship.

Once Kazuha joins you, the three of you head to the classroom. Taehyun and the rest of the guys brought your things with them already.

The week goes by quickly, and before you know it, it’s already the day before the LDT and you’ve been assigned to a team. Seeing the list in your email, you notice that you know only one person from your team— Chaewon from last semester’s Ethics class. You receive a message from her just a few moments later filled with crying emojis, just as relieved as you to know someone. Not long after, you’re both added to a group chat, and you don’t send any messages except for an introduction because you don’t want to be team leader. Chaewon has the same strategy. Your team color is orange and you dig into your closet for thirty minutes to find an orange top.

The whole event isn’t something you’re exactly excited for. It’s something you just want to get over with. It’s Saturday tomorrow and you have a presentation with Taehyun on Monday. So when you arrive on campus at six in the morning to get to know your team, you’re holding back a yawn and trying your best to pay attention.

After Chaewon introduces herself to the orange circle, your turn comes up like a blur. You aren’t really looking at your team members that much— ironic because the afternoon is dedicated to team building activities. That is until the next person introduces himself, and you’re suddenly hit harder than the seeds falling from the trees.

“Hi, my name is Huening Kai. I’m a first year VetMed student.”

He’s cute, you think. It’s ass o’clock in the morning but he’s already smiling so brightly as if the obnoxious orange hoodie he’s wearing isn’t already catching everyone’s attention. You know you’re staring at him, but the rest of your team is too, especially when he’s expressing his determination to win the team building games later.

Throwing together a bunch on people who are at most acquaintances is simply going to be harrowing awkwardness unless there’s an evident extrovert, and you’re lucky enough to have that person in the form of Boo Seungkwan, a junior from broadcasting who is also (very obviously) your team leader. Just as Mingyu said, the entire morning program is a seminar about budgeting and how liquidation works in your university, but you’re barely paying attention— partially because your very cute teammate from earlier is sitting in front of you and the back of his head that keeps on bouncing around is distracting.

“Oh no, I missed the slide,” you hear Chaewon from beside you before she scoots closer to take a look at your notepad. “Did you catch what it said?”

“Huh?” You’ve only written notes up to the third slide. You’re not sure how far into the presentation you’re already at. “Sorry, I’m a little sleepy today.”

She promises to send you her notes once the event is over, and you mutter a thank you even though you can honestly care less. You’re only here because you’re required to and the only positive benefit you��ve received thus far is the eye candy sitting in front of you. He turns around to pass you the packed lunches they’re giving out. “Careful. It’s a little hot,” he says.

“Thanks.” You smile at him, and he returns the expression tenfold. You were dreading the team building activities in the afternoon but if this guy is cheering you on, you think you can run just about five laps in the field.

“Please gather at the front of the building by one-thirty! For the meantime, you may eat your lunch and change clothes since things are going to get physical. Thank you!”

After eating, you carry your bag to the restroom to change. Lucky enough, you managed to borrow a more comfortable orange shirt from Jake. You exit the bathroom looking like a deflated mandarin, and as you’re walking half-dead, you bump into a large, red mass in the hallway. When you look up, you instantly brighten. God, it feels great to see someone you’re actually close with.

“Choi Soobin!” you exclaim. “You’re here! Why didn’t you tell me you’re also joining?”

He only replied with a sheepish laugh and you can’t help but feel disappointed that he didn’t tell you. Your teams are sitting far apart from each other (odd choice from the organizers because the two colors literally sit next to each other in the rainbow), so you’ve never seen him the whole morning.

“I already volunteered under my major so I couldn’t do the same for Shutter,” he explains. You purse your lips, not even making an attempt to hide your disappointment. Maybe he’s trying to make some distance since you’re friends with Yura and he doesn’t want you to get caught in between, but you’re not having any of that. His friend ghosted you and you’re still on good terms with him. You won’t let him take a step back when you’re already this close.

“Choi Soobin,” you say again sternly this time, and he jumps. At first, you started calling each other with your full government names as a joke, but your tongue has grown familiar with it. He’s looking a little nervous from your tone. You can’t help but break into a grin. “I owe you dinner. Take note of that.”

“For what?” he asks.

“For trying to warn me about Yeonjun. If you hadn’t told me anything that night, I might still be crying about him today. But thanks to you, I was able to prepare myself a little better,” you tell him. “Anyway, red looks good on you. Good luck to you and your team, but mine’s still winning.”

You let him off with a light punch to his arm and skip back inside in a better mood than earlier this morning. Soobin stops you before you’re too far away, calling out your full name in the hallway that you turn around embarrassed, ready to scold him because there are still other people around besides the both of you.

But you don’t scold him. He gives you a smile that makes his eyes disappear. “Good luck. Don’t get hurt,” he says, and you can hear the noise from somewhere inside your system threatening to build up again.

“You too.”

At first, you weren’t planning on pouring all your effort into the games. But then you remember that you don’t like losing, and Huening looks extra pocketable when he’s bouncing around after your team finishes a station.

It’s amazing race. Your team has to accomplish all five stations in record time to earn points. You’re at the third station, blindfolded in the field with the rest of your teammates shouting directions at you. You think your back is going to break after limbo-ing too hard to evade the apparent obstacle hanging right above the end line.

“Finish!”

No, you can’t see. But you can definitely hear the victorious shouts around you and feel the bodies hurling themselves at you. The blindfold slips down amidst the chaos, and you’re met with a sight that rivals the sun, painted in bright orange and flakes of gold. It hits you that Huening is beaming because of you. It hits you a second time that he’s jumping on and off the ground while shaking you by the shoulders in a fit of excitement. You struggle to keep balance, struggling harder to keep smiling because oh no— here we go again.

“Next station, guys! Let’s go!”

He shakes off the gold confetti from the last station and runs along with your group. You have to make a conscious effort to sprint because your legs are jelly from your most recent realization, so you’re the last one to arrive at the fourth station by the water fountain. You hoped that getting splashed in the face will bring you back to your senses, but Huening looks like he’s filming a youth drama in the water like that.

The last station ends in a blur, and before you know it you’re back on the field for the last game. “This game is called Caterpillar. Team leaders, please come to the table here at the MC’s station and get your handkerchiefs.”

It’s a simple enough game. All of you have to fall in line and hold onto the person in front of you like your lives depended on it. The member at the very front of the line, or the head, can snatch the handkerchiefs from other teams. The handkerchiefs must be tucked behind the last member, or the tail. Seungkwan already volunteered to be the head, but your team is still trying to decide who your tail should be. “They have to be agile and good at evading,” he says. “Anyone up for it?”

You have no intentions of volunteering, but Huening does it for you. You nearly choke when you hear him mention your name. “You did great during the blindfolded obstacle course,” he says. Chaewon vigorously nods in agreement.

“We can win this.”

“Are you sure?” you stammer, a little surprised. “If we lose, don’t blame me.” Seungkwan seems to have faith in you as well and you’re in mild panic. But once you’ve tucked in the orange handkerchief in your shorts, your competitiveness gets the best of you. Five more minutes before the death match starts. You’re behind the rest of your team and doing some stretches.

“Don’t overdo it!” You pause mid-stretch when Huening passes by with a pat on your shoulder. “Fighting!” Oh, you’re so winning this.

All ten teams are scattered on the field like a lopsided rainbow. It’s oddly tense. Your eyes land on the team clad in red right in front of yours, and you find Soobin at the head of their line. He looks nervous and it makes you laugh a little. He probably couldn’t say no to them and landed himself there.

“Lose your handkerchief— you’re out. Get separated— you’re out. Doesn’t matter if you fall or trip as long as you’re all intact.”

Oh shit, it’s starting. You position yourself firmly behind Chaewon, arms wrapped around her waist and you decide to clutch on her shirt for extra measure.

“Last team standing gets the most points. Three, two, one— go!”

It gets messy right off the bat and you already hear one of the teams getting eliminated. You’re panting, trying your best to evade the colors trying to fucking snatch the orange little tail; you have tucked in behind you. The interim scores were announced earlier and your group of tangerines were in the top three. No wonder everyone else is out to get you.

“Green, out!”

They fell over while trying to chase you and broke apart. Serves them right.

“White, out!”

Two more teams follow them after and everyone slows down for a moment. Your team is in a spiral defensive position with you at the center as everyone tries to catch their breaths. “Are you good?” Seungkwan asks. You feel like passing out but give him a thumbs up. There are only five teams left on the field. “Let’s go!” And just like that, you’re running again.

“Purple, out! Blue, out!”

Seungkwan manages to snatch another team’s handkerchief. It becomes a lot more tense with only three colors left on the field— red, orange, and yellow. You’re out of breath, panting at the tail end of your line as the three teams take another moment to rest. How many minutes has it been? With the burn your lungs are feeling, it feels like it’s been hours.

“Shit, shit, they’re making a move! Run!”

You almost trip over the ground, legs flailing under you as the team in yellow suddenly decides to chase you. “Don’t let go!” someone screams. You’re sure Chaewon’s shirt has been stretched out beyond use. When it feels like you’ve managed to put some distance between you and the yellows, your team slows down a bit. “Hang in there,” you hear Chaewon from in front of you. “Holy shit, I think I’m going to die.”

“I’ve never run this much my entire— huh?”

It takes a moment to hit you. At first, you thought your legs had simply melted away because you suddenly can’t feel the grassy ground you’ve been relentlessly racing on. But your legs are still there, hanging mid-air. You look down to see a pair of red sleeves wrapped around your waist. Someone just snatched you from your team. Choi-fucking-Soobin.

“Put me down!” You try to squirm out of his grasp, but this guy is stronger than he looks. Your heart is racing faster than when you were running. It’s short circuiting your brain.

“I will! Stop thrashing, I might drop—”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence because someone smashes into the both of you, hurling your bodies into the ground. “Orange, red, out!” you hear amidst the yelling and pacing of hurried feet, while you’re still on the ground, barely catching your breath on top of Choi Soobin.

“You could’ve gone after the other team,” you say in between labored breaths. His arms are still firmly locked around your waist. You can feel his chest rising and falling from underneath you. You don’t have the strength to get up yet.

“I was,” he justifies, also breathless. “I’m not sure what happened either. Before I knew it I was running after you.”

Oh no. This isn’t good. With a grunt, you roll yourself off of him and fall into the patch of grass next to him. “Chaewon, help me up,” you stretch your arms out, and the girl comes running to save you.

“Good job. We still got some points for being in the last three.” Chaewon pulls you up and you barely have any strength in your legs anymore. Soobin is also skewed away by his teammates, celebrating their second place victory behind the yellow team.

Somehow, your team managed to land second overall, and you’re standing next to Huening for the photo opportunity after the organizing committee hands you your certificates.

Earlier, this morning, you expected the day to go by uneventfully, itching to go home upon entering the venue with no significant gains on your end, only losses. Instead, you leave campus with a giddy smile on your face as your group parts ways with a certain orange clad teammate telling you to get home safe. It’s unlikely that any of you will be thrown together again, coming from different majors and departments and all, so you settle with keeping it as a fleeting late August memory as autumn crawls in.

“I have a new crush.”

Taehyun and Jay don’t look very impressed nor surprised by your revelation. Maybe spilling the beans while you’re waiting for Prof Seo at the faculty office for a paper consultation isn’t the best idea, but you couldn’t help it anymore. No, you and Huening haven’t talked since the event, but he did follow you on Instagram the evening of and everytime you see his stories, you go a little insane.

Before entering the office, you saw his story from last night. He had a puppy with him. They looked identical, especially with his hair all fluffy. How can you not crush on him?

“Who’s it this time?” Jay asks, feigning interest.

“I met him at the LDT. He’s— oh, fuck. That’s him.”

Cue Huening entering the office with two other people. You don’t know why he’s in your department when he’s a med student, but it’s none of your concern because the world managed to give you a one in a million opportunity to look at him. He’s talking to Professor Ahn, and you notice that there are a few other students in the office mirroring your expression. Maybe you’re just fated to fall for unattainable men— at least this time, you’re sure your infatuation won’t last long.

“No way,” Taehyun breathes out from beside you. “Huening Kai? I know him. We were classmates in highschool.”

That...isn’t something you expected. The smile on your face twitches. Jay voices out the question you want to ask. “Do you still keep in touch?”

“Sometimes,” he replies. “Our moms are friends.”

“Oh boy.” Jay lets out a laugh, aggressively nudging your arm. “How are you planning on getting your heart broken this time?”

“Shut up, hater,” you shake him off. “I don’t plan on acting on my feelings this time, so you don’t have to worry about me getting wasted at your condo and sobbing my throat out again.”

Huening is just a happy crush. A very happy crush and you know for a fact that it won’t go beyond that. You’ll cherish the butterflies he gives whenever he posts something new on social media or if you happen to stumble upon him on campus, up until you don’t see him for a week straight then you’ll most likely forget about him, just like how he’s forgotten about you already.

“You seem very happy today.”

After your consultation, you head straight to the Shutter office for a meeting. Mingyu has his arms crossed while peering down at you with a grin. “Want me to ruin that?”

Your Chairperson is a pain in the ass but he’s still your Chair, so you can’t sock him in the face with all the rest of your officers watching. After the LDT, you’re given another problem in the form of the upcoming university festival. Mingyu is presenting the ideas you came up with earlier in the month after polishing it with Myungho. The plan is still the same— photobooth and selling some prints, with the addition of a face painting corner as suggested by your Vice Chairperson. It doesn’t align with your org’s specialty, but you’re sure it’s gonna get a lot of people falling in line, especially when Beomgyu will be one of the people painting.

“We’ll also be needing a tarp for the photobooth background. Oh and a pubmat announcing that Shutter will have a booth.” Mingyu’s eyes fall on you and Soobin, who just happen to be sitting next to each other on the floor next to the bed. “I’ll leave it to you two.”

As if you have a choice. You and Soobin share a look. His mouth twitches into a half smile, almost a sneer, and he shakes his head like the overworked puppy he is. The meeting wraps up and you pry yourself off the floor with a groan before Yura calls your name. “Let’s go have dinner!”

“Oh, I’m staying here for a little longer,” you inform her. “I need to plan some designs with Choi Soobin.”

It’s awkward. Understandably so. You’re standing in between them as Yura tries to control her expression, and you start to feel bad. Soobin decides to look away, which is a great choice for him. “Al— alright, tell me if you need—”

“I’ll bring you two some takeout,” Mingyu whisks her away as he passes by. Most of the officers have already left the room, only a handful remaining, including Chan, who suddenly shoots in.

“I can stay behind if you two need more hel—”

“No! These two can handle it.”

Mingyu is already pushing them out the door. He shoots you a suggestive eyebrow wiggle when half of his body is already out the room. You want to slam the door in his face.

“Call us if there’s an emergency. Bye!”

With the creak of the door, you and Soobin are left in the office. Unlike the last time the both of you were left alone here, it’s bright. All the lights are on, their fluorescence illuminating all corners of the room, fending away the night that’s leaking into the sole glass window high up the wall behind you. Soobin calls out your name in full, like he always does. “Should we pick a palette first?” he asks, already tinkering with Photoshop on the computer.

You hum in reply, taking the spot next to him. It’s quiet while you’re working, save for the occasional questions and answers, “does this look better or this?” or if you should add more or less.  Soobin is working on the pubmat while you’re brainstorming some options for the tarp. The festival is in the third week of September— autumn in full swing, so you settled for some warm tones of oranges, reds, and browns.

“Break time, please,” you groan, already feeling the strain on your back after hunching in front of the computer for thirty minutes. Soobin gets up and crouches in front of the bed, pulling out a basket where you store your shared snacks.

“How are you?” he asks out of nowhere, throwing you a bag of pretzels.

“Well, that came out of nowhere,” you laugh, accepting his offer. Soobin sits back down next to you, his chair swinging left and right.

“Mingyu hying isn’t the only one that noticed that you’ve been in a better mood,” he says. “I’m glad you seem to be over Yeonjun hyung now.”

“You know, you always seem to be involved in my failed romantic ventures somehow.” Soobin is taken aback at your accusation, an unsure laugh escaping his throat. He doesn’t deny it because it’s true— he’s friends with both Beomgyu and Yeonjun. You won’t be surprised if he turns out to be friends with Huening Kai as well. “I have a new crush now, so you don’t have to worry.”

In all fairness, you don’t need to tell him that. But you did anyway. If there is a chance that Choi Soobin was really the one who confessed to you months ago, if Yoon Jeonghan wasn’t just messing you and he does, in fact, have a crush on you, then it’s better to nip the bud early. Things are going to get complicated, especially since Yura still likes him based on what happened earlier. You’re just saving yourselves the headache.

“Should I tell you?”

You can’t dissect his expression. He doesn’t look affected, nor does he look pleased— like he’s practiced it before. “It’s best if you don’t,” Soobin says. “Like you said, it’s like I’m always involved somehow. What if I’ve been the one jinxing you all this time?”

“Hey, don’t say that,” you frown. “It just so happened that they aren’t the ones for me.”

He only laughs, leaning further back into the chair which causes it to swivel more. “Do you think it’s gonna work out this time?

You snort. “No. He’s also out of my reach. And we’ve met like once and he doesn’t even remember me.”

Soobin lets your words simmer in the air for a while. Unlike earlier, there’s a weight in his eyes, staring right into yours. “You shouldn’t put yourself down like that,” he starts. “You’re pretty, smart, hardworking, and responsible. I think anyone would fall for you once they get to know you.”

The air shifts. You hear the deep, rhythmic thumping in your eardrums again, like your body is sending you a message— to run away? To hide someplace where he can’t hear the violent drumming of your ribcage? It’s not like you’re stupid and don’t know what this means, but it’s a lot less complicated and dangerous if you choose ignorance over acknowledgement. A knock on the door saves you. You can breathe again when you see Myungho peering in.

“Takeout delivery,” he blandly announces his arrival. He has two plastic bags in his hand, waiting for the both of you to take the weight off him. “The guards are starting to lock the rooms. You two should hurry and finish up. I’ll drive you guys home. You can eat in the car, if you want.”

It’s like a new life gets breathed into you when you stumble over your feet and quickly grab your food from Myungho with a squeaky thank you. You’re even more thankful when you get dropped off first, unable to swallow any of the food your orgmates bought for you in the suffocating atmosphere inside the car. “Thanks. Drive safe,” you say before slamming the door shut and running into your apartment building.

You’re not stupid. You’re making the smarter choice, you repeat to yourself as you climb up the stairs to your unit. Everything will fade in a few month’s time. You just need to endure it.

“I was about to cry from exhaustion but when I heard Huening’s voice, I felt like I could live again.”

Taehyun’s eyes are nothing but judgemental. “Does he even remember you?” he hits a sore spot. You tell him to shut the fuck up.

It’s the day of the festival. The university ground’s are littered with crisp auburn rain from the trees lining the courtyard, warm lights hanging from the lamp posts in between the pop-up booths from different organizations and clubs. Evening is crawling in, but for now the sky is a pretty shade of orange. You’ve been working since it was blue, setting up your booth situated near the stage of the venue. You’re thanking whoever assigned Shutter to this spot— you can see Huening onstage clearly from where you are standing. He’s one of the emcees for the event and is currently introducing your uni’s president for his opening remarks.

“Your boss is calling you,” Taehyun brings you back to earth, pointing a thumb at Mingyu, who’s setting up the camera for the photobooth.

You suck in a deep breath, ready for some more work. “What is it this time?” you ask. Mingyu spins around to face you. His face is smiling too much for your comfort.

“I’m releasing you from your duties,” he says, proud. “Enjoy the festival. I already asked someone else to cover the cash register.”

Your eyes widen. He laughs and tells you he’s not lying, pushing you into the crowd. Wow. So he can actually be considerate sometimes. “Come back before the event ends, though. We all need a picture together!”

Thanks to your Chair’s blessing, you can actually spend some time with your friends today. You hear Huening introduce the hired band through the speakers and music erupts as you rejoin Taehyun with the good news. “The others are hogging the food at the business department’s booths,” he tells you. “I’m not really that hungry. Wanna play some games?”

So, you do. The next hour is spent with fortune telling and archery challenges, ball throwing and jewelry making. Jake picks you up at some point to jam in the middle of the crowd, jumping around with the makeshift rave party the band is providing. You notice a lot of your peers have drawings on their faces— hearts and sunflowers, waves and pumpkins, patterns in different colors, and you remember your org’s booth.

“Hey!” you call out to Jake. “We should get our faces painted!”

He nods vigorously, and you drag him over to your booth which has accumulated a rather large crowd around it. You poke your head through the rest of the people, trying to see if you can wiggle your friend and yourself in. It’s busy. Like really busy. There are like three different lines mixing and matching together with Beomgyu, Myungho, and Riki bending their backs to paint some flowers or whatever on the people sitting in front of them. You sort of feel guilty that Mingyu gave you free time.

Beomgyu catches your face in the crowd after he finishes a customer, and he greets you with a curious smile. “Face paint?” he asks. You nod, and he pats on the now empty chair in front of him.

“You go first, dummy.” You push Jake down the seat.

“Why am I suddenly nervous?”

You roll your eyes at him with a laugh, but Beomgyu doesn’t start vandalizing your friend’s face yet. “Are you also lining up?” he asks again, and you nod. “Soobin hyung!”

You didn’t even know he was here until you look at the direction Beomgyu is yelling at— a few steps away from the rest of the booths, unlit by the warm candied lights. There, you see Soobin with Yura. The former has his back facing you, so you can only see Yura’s face, and your heart sinks a little. It doesn’t look like she’s at a festival. Her expression matches the dim surroundings they secluded themselves in.

Soobin turns around upon being called for the third time, managing a quick bow to Yura before running back to the booth.

“Sorry— what is it?”

“You have a customer.”

Soobin is a little caught off guard when he sees. You’re not sure how you should greet your friend that most likely rejected your other friend for the second time, so you settle with a smile and try your best not to make it obvious that it’s forced. “I didn’t know you could face paint.”

He looks guilty. “I don’t. They grabbed me at the last minute because we needed more people.”

“Oh no,” you breathe out. “What are you going to do with my face?”

Your eyes flicker to the back of the booth once more and Yura is already gone. God, you feel like shit, but asking for someone else to work on your face or suddenly backing out will put Soobin in an embarrassing situation as well. So you sit down, trying darndest to feign ignorance and act normal. “I’d ask you what design you want, but Myungho hyung only taught me one thing,” he says nervously, preparing the paint palette on one hand and a paintbrush on the other. “I’ll pay for you if it turns out bad.”

“Relax,” you tell him and yourself. “You can do whatever you want.”

It takes him a few tries before he actually gets near your face, and you can see how his knuckles are shaking a little when he lifts up the white-coated brush to your cheekbone, just underneath your left eye. He’s so close. He’s so close. The paint is cold when it hits your skin, like a melting snowflake, and you squeeze your eyes shut. “Hold— hold still,” he tells you to stop moving, but you hold your breath instead when you hear him settle down the palette and use his other hand to turn your head a little, and you stop breathing altogether.

Shit. “I didn’t think it’d get this busy here.” It’s your pathetic attempt to distract yourself from the inferno erupting in your lungs. “You guys need help?”

“No, it’s fine.” Shit, you can feel his breath hit your cheeks, warm amidst the cool weather. “You’ve been working since earlier.”

He pulls back, nervousness gone and a more focused expression coating his face as he examines his work. Under his stare, you feel self conscious, and the heat swirling in your ribcage crawls its way to your neck like an invisible scarf, and your throat dries up. “Hmm, what color do you want?” he asks, pursing his lips at the limited palette.

“You— you can pick.” Your knuckles squeeze at your voice crack. God, this is actually too much.

“Okay,” he says. “Can you tilt your head a little?”

Soobin inches closer again. It’s hard not to look at him when he’s this close. He’s making it hard not to. You flinch when the cold brush kisses your cheekbones, sharply inhale when his warm fingers graze your jaw, until he retracts all the cold and warmth again for an interim check of whatever he’s painting on your skin.

“Oh? Oh, what’s this? Mingyu, your kids are flirting in public, I don’t think they should be allowed to do this.”

Jeonghan’s voice is like a sudden splash of hot water. “Seonbae, if Choi Soobin ends up painting a turd on my face because you’re being annoying, I’m going to bury you.”

Your senior only laughs at your misery, and you don’t think you can handle another second of this activity. “Is it done?” you ask Soobin, ready to bolt out of your chair.

“I—I think so.” He hands you a mirror. “Please go easy on your evaluation.”

His dumb comment makes you feel a little more at ease, laughing a little when you bring the mirror to your face. You were honestly expecting chicken scratch— a splotchy mess on your face of what he intended it to be— but you’re surprised and impressed to see a monarch butterfly making a home underneath your eye, dots of orange littered around it.

“Wow. It’s pretty. Myungho taught you well.” You pull down the mirror and look up at him, satisfied. “Thanks. Where do I pay?”

“It’s on the house.”

“Are you sabotaging our business?” you eye him. His smile is guilty, but you’re smiling at him too. “I’ll go throw money at Mingyu. You still have more customers, Choi Soobin. Your butterflies must be in demand!”

You make an escape rather than a farewell, fishing Jake along after you throw an unsure amount of money on the counter Mingyu is watching. You know your friend has something to say. He looks at you with suspicious eyes and an insinuating grin once you’ve gotten far enough from the Shutter booth. “You look like you’re getting weird ideas,” you get ahead before he can say anything. “Whatever it is, don’t say it. I want to enjoy the festival, thank you very much.”

“It looked like you were enjoying, though,” he swings an arm around your shoulder, hauling you over to the first stall that catches your attention. “Like you were enjoying it a lot.”

You trust Jake not to run his mouth to the rest of your friends, but you bribe him with chicken skewers just to be safe. When you two rejoin your group, the festival is already coming to a close. You were hoping to find Yura, but she hasn’t replied to any of her messages.

Things are already complicated as is. You don’t want to complicate things further.

“What should we do when exams are over?”

It’s midterms week— the third week of October. You raise your arms in the air, locking your fingers together for a quick stretch as you walk with your friends from the Social Science building, fallen leaves crunching under your feet. You’ve just finished an exam for a major course, leaving you with a few minor and elective exams.

“Jay, it’s literally Tuesday,” says Yunjin. “It’s not even the middle of the week.”

“What about for winter break?” Sunghoon thinks out loud. “Is the Christmas party still happening?”

“We’ll talk with the rest of our batchmates after midterms,” Taehyun answers while flipping through his notebook. It’s a wonder to you how he hasn’t tripped yet. “Can’t you two focus on your exams first?”

You’re in front of the College of Medicine’s building. Jake says he needs to pick something up from his friend. “Wait for me! I’ll be quick. If you guys eat lunch with me I’ll throw a fit, seriously,” he warns. You shoo him away and your group loiters in front of the building.

It’s a little cold. You cross your arms together and ask Sunghoon if you can borrow his scarf. He sticks his tongue out, wrapping the fabric tighter around him. “You’re a piece of shit.”

“Hey, I’m cold too.”

Then you feel a thick jacket hit the side of your face then fall to your shoulder. You look at Taehyun, jacketless now. “Are you making a move on me?” you narrow your eyes at him, eliciting a gasp from Kazuha.

“Holy shit.”

“Are you stupid?” he flicks your forehead. “If you get sick, you can’t study. If you can’t study, you’ll fail your exams. If you fail, you’ll repeat a year. Want us to graduate before you?”

“He’s allergic to saying nice things,” Jay shrugs. “By the way, you look a lot less like shit lately. Did your org stop overworking you?”

You decide to ignore his insult. “We’re taking a quick break from events. All we have going on at the moment is in IGP to fund our year-end party and Sensitivity Training. Mingyu is also planning on holding some workshops by next year.” He also wants to make a short film, but Shutter is broke. You guys accumulated some money last festival, but it’s not enough to finance all the things he has planned.

At first, you didn’t think Mingyu took Shutter seriously since the past months, all you’ve been doing was partying, hanging out, drinking, and whatever. You’ve come to realize that that wasn’t the case. “We should all get to know each other before working on something bigger, you know?” he said, one time while you were sorting files in the club office. It’s only Shutter’s first year and he wanted to focus on developing a connection among the members first. You saw his plans for next year while you were organizing the files— he’s got everything down pat. You weren’t sure before if you still wanted to stay in Shutter in your sophomore year, but seeing your Chairperson’s passion cemented your decision to stay. Though you joined because of Beomgyu at first, it’s different now. You’d like to help Mingyu as much as you can before he graduates.

Jake is taking way too long, so Yunjin and Kazuha went off to buy some drinks for you guys. Your legs are getting tired, so you squat down with a groan. “You guys should join Shutter next year,” you tell them, looking up.

It becomes a topic of conversation. Jay and Sunghoon are considering it, but Taehyun is adamant on not joining, causing you to egg him on. While you’re doing your best to sales talk him into joining your org, you get distracted by a cat joining in your little group. “Hello!” you greet the orange tabby, and Sunghoon joins you on the floor. There are a lot of cats that roam around your campus. This guy usually wanders around with a friend.

“Oh no, what’s wrong?”

Your ears perk up. The voice doesn’t belong to any of your friends, and it’s followed by a meow that’s not from the orange cat Sunghoon is petting. You stand upright and spot Huening sitting on the staircase in front of the Medicine building, holding up a gray cat like a baby. “Are you hungry?” The cat meows in his face. “Your tummy tells me you’ve just had a nice meal, though.”

The cat jumps out of his grasp and struts over to your group. “Oh no. He’s too cute,” you grumble.

Taehyun eyes you. “Should I introduce you to him?”

“No!” you snap. “I already told you— this is just a happy crush. A happy crush. Nothing more. I just want to admire him from afar.”

“Like a stalker,” Jay butts in. You kick his shin.

“Suit yourself,” Taehyung shrugs. “Hey, Huening!”

Your eyes fly open, wide in panic. What the fuck are you trying to do?! You furrow your brows at him. He doesn’t respond, instead waving at Huening who is happily hopping down the stairs and running up to you. Jay is enjoying your turmoil. Sunghoon looks up from his cats to snort your evident distress.

“Do you still have exams today?” Taehyun asks him.

Huening nods. “Yup. Organic chem. We already had so many lab projects this semester, but Dr. Jung still wants to give an exam.”

He gets introduced to Jay and Sunghoon, and when your turn comes along, your two friends look extra punchable. “And I think you two have already met,” Taehyun says. Your eyes are telling him that he’s going to get a beating later. His face replies with ‘good luck with that.

“Oh!” Huening exclaims after a moment of thinking. He beams at you, dropping a fist on his open palm. “Team orange!”

You’d be lying if that didn’t make your heart skip a beat a little. If he didn’t remember, you might’ve actually cried from embarrassment. You see Jay and Sunghoon from the corner of your eye trying to suppress their giggles, but their unabashed eyebrow raises and whispers are enough to piss you off. Lucky for you, Huening needs to run back inside the building for his chem exam, so you’re spared from any awkward small talk and the scrutinizing stares of your friends. Huening leaves with an apology, and Jake finally returns, asking what happened and why are you on the ground with your hands buried in your face.

Midterms finish quickly— the easiest set of tests you’ve had so far which makes you a little scared for finals. The post-midterms celebration Jay was looking forward to ended up being nothing more than a meal at his place, no alcohol involved, because his parents came to visit.

You met up with Yura on campus when your schedules matched, and she told you that she did get rejected for a second time during the festival. Your conversation got cut short when Mingyu spots the both of you and invites you to a night out this weekend with some Shutter members. You’ll see if you can go, you tell him. It’s probably best if you avoid Soobin for now until Yura starts feeling better.

“We’ve booked two cottages already, but we couldn’t get an overnight room. If I knew the resort was this popular, I would’ve contacted them weeks earlier.”

Yunjin is in charge of the venue for your batch’s Christmas party— which is just an excuse to swim and go drinking in broad daylight, honestly. It’s a well deserved celebration after surviving a year of readings, essays, and depression-inducing recitations, so most of the people in your year are going. Your department doesn’t exactly prioritize camaraderie, so you freshmen had to organize your own get together since your seniors have basically left you to fend for yourselves.

“Good job,” you squick your cheek against Yunjin’s shoulder, peeking at her laptop to see the venue. It’s two months away, but you’re already excited. Shutter is planning something for the end of the year, too. You hope your liver can handle all of these upcoming parties.

“Twelve-twenty-seven. Life check.”

“Alive,” Yunjin groans. You can hear her back bones pop when she stretches over the couch.

“Zuha?” you ask, looking up from your laptop. You see her face planted on the coffee table across from you. “Kazuha.” She springs up, a sticky note sticking on her cheek.

“I’m awake.”

“Good morning,” you laugh. “Let’s clock out at one. Sunghoon says he’ll be here in the morning.”

“Tell him to bring breakfast,” Yunjin says. You’ve been at their place since after lunch, working on a paper for your theory class. Your professor thinks the weekend is enough to write thirty pages of research and prepare a presentation, so you decided to spend the weekend at your girlfriends' place so you don’t get distracted.

The night out with Shutter is also today— or, yesterday since it’s already thirty minutes past twelve. Mingyu has been sending photos to the group chat to make you feel jealous. Too bad you’re not here, says his last message with a sad face, but they’re all looking extremely happy and off their senses in the photo. Mingyu’s face is closest to the screen, Yura is there, barely awake on Myungho’s shoulder, and at the edge of the photo you can see Soobin, Beomgyu, and Heeseung.

You place your phone face down on the table and return to furiously typing on your keyboard. They’re having fun. Good for them, good for them, good for them. You’re also having fun. Writing a paper is fun. Very fun indeed.

A little while goes by, and the clock strikes one. You’re about to pass out on the spot until your phone vibrates again, expecting another message from Mingyu to fuel your envy even further, but instead of a photo, you receive a text. A text from Choi Soobin. You’re staring at your phone screen, frozen after reading the bubble on your lockscreen.

“Why do you look so flustered? What happened?”

I have a crush on you, it says— without explanation, without context. You’re still blinking at the one-line sentence, as if staring at it long enough will make the letters make sense in a way that you can wrap your head around them, but then another bubble replaces it.

Sorry, Heeseung took my phone. Followed by, Good luck on your paper! and your thoughts spiral further.

This is bad. This is really, really, really bad. How do you even reply to this? What were they doing that Choi Soobin’s phone managed to fall in Heeseung’s hands and why would he think of sending you that god damned message? Were they talking about you? When Yura’s literally right there with them?

You’re going to go insane. Your body’s reaction isn’t making it any better. It’s one in the morning and you’re supposed to be fatigued and tired but your face is burning and your heart is racing and your phone is slipping from the sweat on your hands. “Are you okay?” asks Kazuha. You quickly settle your phone back onto the table.

“I’m fine,” you say. “I’m tired. Wake me up at three.”

But three o’clock comes, and you’re still lying awake on your friend’s living room floor, staring at their ceiling with Soobin’s message still unreplied. When the sun rises, and you’ve finally had some time to think, you click on your conversation with him and send— haha, alright, and you immediately get back to work.

The thing is, you aren’t opposed to the possibility of Soobin actually having feelings for you. But your friend still likes him, and you’re all working in the same organization. You don’t want things to get weird, especially when Shutter actually matters to you.

So in the weeks leading up to your finals, you’re thankful to have enough academic burdens on your plate to decline every single hangout, night out, or coffee run from Mingyu so that whatever hinted emotions your co-director is harboring for might be diminished, even if it’s just a little.

But of course, you can’t avoid him completely. You only message him for work, pubmats, layouts, editing, and all, but sometimes, the conversation wanders— have you eaten’s, good luck’s, and full names exchanged in between font choices and composition decisions. It’s easier said than done to shut Choi Soobin out of your life. He’s made himself part of your weekly routine without realizing it, even if it’s just text messages and clubroom meetings.

Your last semester of your freshman year ends when you walk out of your last final, and the bite of December finally sinks into your skin in icy breaths. It’s the coldest it’s been the whole month, and you’re sure it’s only going to get colder from now.

YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY STARTS IN SHAMBLES. First of all, your period arrived in the morning, so swimming is out of the question unless you want to recreate a Jaws movie in Samcheok. Second, it takes three hours to arrive at Daryeong Beach resort, so instead of having an early brunch at the venue, it was already past lunch when everyone arrived. Third, you feel like shit. Everyone else is either eating, drinking, or swimming despite the cold weather, but you’re wrapped in a towel in the corner of your cottage because your uterus is throwing a fit and it makes you want to die.

“Are you okay?” you look up from your pathetic position to see Jay, damp from the sea. “Yikes. I’m taking that as a no.” You haven’t said anything. He just looked at your face and left to get some barbecue.

“Babe, you should still eat,” you hear Yunjin say. She has a paper plate in her hands and a paper cup in the other.

“I’m fine. I’m not that hungry yet,” you tell her. “I’ll grab a bite later. Go have fun with the rest of the guys.”

Though it’s the beginning of winter, the cold hasn’t settled. Only a light chill in the air indicates the season’s coming, and the white sand scaling the seashore substitutes the first snowfall. Now that you’re free from any academic troubles, there’s more room in your headscape for thinking— which isn’t always a good thing. Your eyes scan the scenery, the beach within your vision filled by the students from your major. Some are with you under the cottage, some are on the sand, some in the water. What better way to keep your mind off someone than by thinking about other people?

Your major has always been male dominated which almost makes you nauseous. You first set sight on the four men playing beach volleyball— Jiseok, Jooyeon, Seungmin, and Hyeongjun. You don’t think you’ve ever talked to them except when you were paired with Seungmin for a presentation.

Next, you glance under the coconut tree nearest to your cottage. A few girls are gathered, then you realize you’ve never really interacted with anyone outside of your circle and your friends from Shutter. Maybe if you hadn’t kept your world so narrow, then maybe you’d be able to meet someone to distract you.

This is hopeless. You give up with a low groan, thinking that maybe eating could take your mind off of things. You’re about to stand up, but are preemptively sat back down with someone’s appearance.

Taehyun is in front of you, half-leaning down and half-about to jerk back up when your foreheads nearly collide.

“Oh.”

You’ve known from the first day of classes that Taehyun is pretty, but you’ve never gotten the chance to look at him up close— this close. Why would you? You two are friends. That’s a stupid enough thought to bring you back to your senses, a squeak escaping your throat and you draw back. “Sorry,” he says. “Mind lifting your arm for a sec?”

“S—sure,” you sputter, scooting away to give him space. Taehyun pulls out his back from the pile and draws out a towel which he lazily rubs on his hair. He must’ve been in the water— that much is obvious with how his clothes are sticking to his skin and how he’s trying his best to dry his hair without spritzing any water on you.

“You don’t look too good,” he frowns. “Have you eaten yet?”

Oh god. “No, but I’m about to.”

“Stay there.” He lets the towel drape over his shoulders and heads over to the table. Taehyun half-fills the paper plate with the food you like before settling it on the surface to crack open the cooler. “Coke or Sprite?” he asks

You remember the time when Mingyu asked if there was anyone from your major that you could be interested in. You also remember the look of disgust you gave him upon considering your friends. Maybe you shouldn’t have been so appalled. Maybe you should’ve been a little bit more open to the idea— then maybe it wouldn’t be biting you in the ass at this very moment.

“Sprite,” you reply.

“Alright.”

Taehyun has always been caring. His mouth might tell otherwise, but his actions towards you and your friends have always been consistent. So when he returns in front of you with a plate of the food you’d usually eat, making a conscious decision to not put too much because he knows you’re not feeling well, your sensibilities shouldn’t falter. It really shouldn’t, but you find yourself swaying. Oh no.

You hear the click of his tongue. You haven’t taken the plate from him, so he’s set it back on the table and is now looking at you with his arms crossed, head tilted. “This won’t do,” he sighs. “We passed by a drug store earlier. What medicine do you take for your period cramps?”

Taehyun is already putting on a jacket and you panic, jumping out of your seat. “No, it’s okay! I’ll eat! I can eat!”

“Are you sure?” He’s unconvinced. You take the plate from the table and sit down with a huff, grabbing one of the skewers while you look at him dead in the eye. “Fine. Tell me if it gets bad. I’ll be with Yunjin and the rest.”

Your friend that your other friend is still hung up on versus your friend that’s completely emotionally unavailable— which one would be less disastrous? Which one would hurt less? Both seem awfully catastrophic, but your heart is stupid and doesn’t listen to your head when it gives a warning to stop falling. Stop. That’s enough, yet you find yourself in the same situation over and over again like you’re addicted to nonreciprocity or something.

Maybe it’s just period hormones, you try and rationalize. You finish the meal, albeit with difficulty, and lug yourself to the beach. Your legs are folded up to your chest, cheek pressed on your knees, and you’re scribbling random shapes into the sand to track every passing thought you’re going back and forth with inside your head.

“You look pathetic.”

When you turn around and look up, you see Jake looming over you like a rain cloud. Your expression sours. He quickly retracts himself. “Wait, I’m not saying it in an insulting way, but in a descriptive way, you know?”

“Just shut up.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He plops down beside you, probably out of pity because in his words— you look pathetic. You have no energy to argue, wanting to bury yourself underneath the sand you’re sitting on more than anything else, and you spare an envious glance at the beer can he has in hand. Jake notices. “No room for a drink?”

You shake your head. “Unfortunately, no. I think I’ll be leaving early today.”

“Oh, me too,” he says. “Can’t stay overnight since I have to babysit my nieces tomorrow morning. Sunghoon has been complaining about the weather too. You can just come with us.”

“Thanks. Seriously, I feel like dying,” you groan. “Ugh. I wanted to go swimming today, too.”

“Next time,” he gives you a smile and gets up. “I’m heading back. Just wanted to check on you.” He gives you a head pat before running back to the cottage, and you’re left alone once more. You’ve come to the realization that the temporary solution to your wavering feelings is talking to your friends (except Taehyun), so you suck up the occasional pain from your lower abdomen and approach the nearest person you can find, which is Yunjin, obliterating the karaoke machine your group rented.

You alternate between listening to them sing, screaming into the microphone, and wallowing in your own suffering until late afternoon when you resigned into your cottage corner once more, waiting for Jake or Sunghoon to show up so you can leave. You’re chatting with the Shutter group chat when Taehyun shows up in fresh clothes, hair damp, and asks you to scoot away a bit.

He’s already organizing his things. He arrived with Jake and Sunghoon earlier, so he’s probably leaving with them too.  “Leaving already?” you ask to confirm.

“Oh, yeah,” he answers, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “You’re not feeling well, so you should just come with me. You don’t know how to commute by yourself, anyway.”

You scoff at his remark, unable to refute. “I am. Hold on, let me find my stuff.”

The thought of sinking into your warm sheets with some hot chocolate manages to bring a little more color to your face as you rummage for your things. You tell Yunjin and Kazuha that you’re leaving ahead with the guys, and they stop their passionate karaoke-ing to send you off with a hug. “Take care. Text us when you guys get home.”

It’s a silent walk to the resort’s exit, and there’s still no sign of Jake who’s supposed to be driving you. “Where are the rest of the guys?” you ask him, entering the parking area outside the entrance.

“Hm?”

“Jake and Sunghoon,” you clarify hesitantly. Worry and nervousness starts to seep in. You’re starting to believe that you might have misunderstood something.

“I think they were kayaking when we left,” Taehyun replies. “Why?”

“I thought we were all leaving together?” you furrow your brows.

“No? I think they’ll leave after sundown.”

You screwed up big time. You’re chewing on your bottom lip, the situation slowly sinking in as you and Taehyun leave the resort’s premises and start walking down the side of the road to the bus stop. Oh no. You came here in Yunjin’s car and Taehyun doesn’t drive. That means you and Taehyun are going to be spending the three-hour commute back home together. Alone. Just when you started to suspect the traitorous feelings you have bubbling for your friend.

“Give me your bag. You look like you’d pass out any minute.”

You’re seriously so fucking screwed.

“Thanks.”

It’s okay, you tell yourself upon climbing up the bus, taking a seat near the back next to the window. Maybe it’s just a momentary weakness of your heart. Maybe it’s just a temporary vulnerability with all the things going on. Maybe you’ve just become pathetically desperate like Jake says (he did not). Taehyun leans over and you silently panic. He reaches over to the window next to you, flipping it open, then goes back to his seat like he didn’t just threaten to give you a cardiac arrest. “The air conditioning might make you nauseous,” he says. You’re nauseous enough as is.

The commute back home is quiet, but you aren’t able to rest easily throughout the whole three-hours due to your consciousness toward the friend sitting next to you. At least you managed to arrive back in Seoul in one piece.

It’s already dark out, street lights lit up in the city. Thinking that you can finally say goodbye to him, you tug your bag that’s firmly hung on his shoulder. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“We take different buses from here,” you say. “Thanks for carrying my stuff.”

Your bus makes a halt in front of you, and Taehyun goes up first. Wait. Holy shit. “If anything happens to you, Yunjin will have my head,” he simply says. “C’mon.”

Maybe you just catch feelings too easily, you conclude. You hope you can get rid of them just as quickly as you caught them.

You spend the first week of winter break in bed, on the sofa, on any warm and comfortable surface available in your apartment. It’s both out of need and out of choice— need, because an entire year of being around people is enough to run someone dry, and choice, because there is a good number of people you’ve been wanting to avoid, now that you aren’t forced by proximity and circumstance to be around them.

The same routine is happening for the last Sunday of the year. You’re in bed as the afternoon sun provokes you to do otherwise, but you aren’t listening. Your blankets and pillows bury you in their warmth while you’re scrolling through your phone. Until Taehyun gives you a call, out of nowhere.

“Hello?” you answer after three rings.

“I’m having dinner with your crush later,” he says, not bothering to greet you. “Well. We’re eating with his family. I’ll send you the restaurant. Why don’t you stop by so you can see him for a bit.”

He’s a little too supportive of your tiny, expired crush on Huening. “I told you guys, I’m over him. I’m looking for another crush,” that isn’t the person you’re talking to right now. This whole situation would be funny if you aren’t part of it. Too bad you are, and it makes you want to stab yourself.

“But what if you fall for him again once you see him.”

What’s stupid is that you don’t think he’s wrong. You were hardwired with a heart that gets swayed way too quickly, flutters a little too effortlessly, and gets smashed into tiny bits and pieces a little too easily, but it’s not something that you can just stop. The past year is proof of that— a testament of its inevitability.

“Go away. I’m going to sleep,” you roll to your side with a groan, pulling up the covers over your head. “Enjoy your dinner. Please stop trying to set me up with your friend.”

You hoped your college romance would be a straight path from meeting someone, to falling in love, to being loved back. Not this messy labyrinth of dead ends, twisted intersections, and back to starts.

“Who’s calling this time?!” If it’s Taehyun again, you’re going to uncrush and unfriend him, you swear.

With a groan, you grab your phone from the bedside table once more, and you nearly drop your phone when you see the caller ID. You didn’t think you’d ever ask for this, but can’t all these pretty boys please leave you alone this time?

“Choi Soobin,” you huff into the microphone.“This better not be about work.”

You’re nervous. There’s that familiar staggering of your heart rate again. “I’m guessing you’re enjoying your vacation,” you hear him say with a laugh. Something about hearing his deep voice so close to your ear is driving you insane.

“I am,” you reply, falling back to bed. “You usually just text me. You’ve never called me before. This is suspicious.”

He hums. “I text you if it’s about work.”

“So...this isn’t about work?”

Soobin is quiet for a moment, and you can feel the silence embed itself into your skin. You feel a jolt when you hear his voice again. “Are you busy? I just remembered that you owe me dinner.”

Now, it’s you that grows quiet.

“Sorry. If you’re too busy, you don’t have to—”

“No, I’m free,” you quickly reply. “Let’s have dinner.”

This could be an opportunity. Maybe if you go out with Soobin today, you'll finally clear up how you actually feel— for whom you are actually feeling. There is a possibility that you’ll return home with a heart more confused than when you left, but your racing heart is already chasing you out of bed.

“Can we meet at COEX in an hour?”

“Sounds good. See you.”

Shit, you’re actually doing this. You end up arriving ten minutes too early, but Soobin is already there, by the fountain, looking at his phone. “Choi Soobin!” you call out, and he looks up with a surprised look on his face, but melts into a smile half a second later. He shoots up his hand, waving, and calls out your full name in the same manner.

“You’re here early.”

“Says the guy who’s here earlier than me,” you raise a brow.

“I had some errands,” he says. “Where should we eat?”

It’s the end of the year, so the mall is more populated than usual. Mostly couples. There’s a pair in knitwear sitting on the fountain literally a few steps away from you. It’s like god is giving you a sign, telling you to hurry the fuck up. “You choose. I’m the one treating you.”

The both of you start walking around, eyes scanning through the shops lined along the walkways. “I can eat anywhere. I’m not picky.”

“Choi Soobin, you know I’m bad with decisions,” you tell him. “You’re the one who dragged me out of my apartment in the first place.”

“You’re making it sound like I forced you to eat with me.”

You stop in your tracks. “Wow,” you gasp. “You’re putting words in my mouth, Choi Soobin. How dare you when I generously decided to open my wallet for you.”

His smile opens into a toothy grin. “What’s with the face?”

“Nothing,” he hums, settling his hands on your shoulders and lightly pushing you into a direction. “Let’s eat here. Mingyu hyung recommended this place before.”

It’s a Chinese restaurant with an interior that you might have seen on social media before (maybe Mingyu’s insta, to be honest). The both of you are sitting at one of the center tables, tubes of lights hanging from above as you peruse through their menu. When your orders arrive, you split apart your chopsticks, staring heartily at the served meal. “For the record,” you say before digging in.“I do want to eat with you.”

“Thanks for the information.”

“You know, you’re kind of annoying sometimes.”

Soobin lets out a huff of air, smiling with stuffed cheeks and the both of you proceed with your meals. You can only hear the sound of your dishes and the occasional glass clatters. It’s literally just dinner. “So,” you mumble out. “Why did you join Shutter?”

He elicits a snort-cough, and he brings a napkin to his lips. “What is this? An interview?”

“It got quiet and I didn’t know what to say!” you press. “Just answer.”

“You’d know if you listened to my introduction at the welcome party,” he crows.“You already liked Beomgyu at that time, right?”

The food stops in your throat, caught off guard because why would he bring that up? You cough, swallowing a large gulp of water and when you set the glass back on the table, you look at him straight in the eye. “First of all— even if I was paying attention, I wouldn’t even remember because that was months ago.”

“I remember yours,” he says, as a matter of fact. “You said you wanted a space apart from your major, and that it’d make your university life a lot more exciting.”

Well. You can’t verify that because you don’t remember what you said at that time. You were too occupied staring at Beomgyu. “Se—second!” you bristle. “How did you know that I already liked him then? I don’t think I’ve ever told you.”

“Your eyes were following him the entire night. It’s like there’s a magnet in there somewhere.”

You stop eating altogether, utensils clattering on the plate. Wouldn’t that mean his eyes were following you, too? He didn’t even think twice before saying that, and now he’s back to picking on the remaining food on his plate like it’s nothing, and your phone buzzes like a warning signal.

“What’s wrong?” Soobin asks as you frown at your phone screen.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have talked about Shutter,” you complain. “Mingyu messaged the group chat. He’s asking if anyone can run some errands for the event.”

At first, the plan was to have a year-end party and a sensitivity training (“sensi” for short) for the officers, but with the majority of your members returning home to their hometowns for the holidays, you decided to merge the two events in the second week of January instead. Mingyu is eyeing Gapyeong for the party and sensi, and the itinerary has already been prepared by Myungho.

Soobin hums in acknowledgement. “What does he need?”

It’s the 31st of December. Most shops will be closed tomorrow and the next day. There are still some materials that need to be bought, so your Chairperson is asking if there’s anyone who can pick up some stuff from the list. “Ugh,” you groan, finishing up your meal. “No one else is replying and I already read his message. You don’t mind if we stop by some stores, right?”

“Not at all,” he replied. “I borrowed my brother’s car, so I can take the stuff home with me.”

The both of you leave the restaurant and enter a stationery store to pick up some vellum boards, parchment papers, envelopes, and the like. You need to go back to the office within the week for some last minute work— so much for the new year, but aside from some light hearted complaints, you don’t really mind. “Can you check if there’s some sticker paper in the other aisle?” you ask Soobin. The both of you still need to finalize the certificate designs and the tarpaulin sign. You’ll remind him once he gets back.

After double checking your basket, you check out all the items and send Mingyu the receipt. “What else do we need?” asks Soobin. He takes the paper bags from the counter and you two exit the store.

“Uh. We need some wooden panels. They probably have those in hardware stores, right?”

Lucky for you, they do. You and Soobin wait behind a wall of fake plants as the employee leaves to cut the panels into the size Mingyu instructed and as you’re waiting, you let your gaze wander around the store until you look up and pause when your eyes land on your tall friend. You’ve never noticed before, but Choi Soobin actually looks pretty intimidating with a straight face. He’s staring off into space, brows in a slight knit, but when he looks down and notices that you’re looking at him, he lifts his eyebrows, curious, and a dimple peeks through when he presses his lips together. “What is it?”

You cough, looking away. “We haven’t talked about this yet. I remember you telling me you liked someone last summer.”

“Mm, right. I did,” he says.

Hesitant, you drawl out. “Do you still like the same person now?”

“Yeah.” He says it flatly, picking on the plastic leaf of a plant hanging above you. You cock your head. He’s way too nonchalant about this that you start to second guess.

“Is that why you couldn’t give Yura a chance?”

“It would be unfair for her when I have feelings for someone else.”

“I know. And Yura isn’t telling me to distance myself from you or anything. I know we haven’t hung out lately outside of Shutter, but trust me it’s not because of that,” you assure. “Did you tell her who you like?”

He looks at you. “I did.”

“Do you plan on telling me?” you blurt out before hesitation smashes into you. You avoid eye contact, trying to justify yourself, “It’s not fair that you’re a witness to all of my romantic pitfalls in the first half of the year, but I don’t even know the person you like.”

You know you’re blabbing. You know Soobin knows because he’s flashing you a cheeky smile. “Do you wanna know?”

“Of course. I’m curious.” You hope he doesn’t notice you’re trying to bait him. Half of you wants to hear your name fall from his lips, rolling off his tongue like it’s meant to be, and you’d be untangled from your confusing feelings, but the other half is scared because you wouldn’t know how to react. You’re still in the fucking hardware store, for god’s sake, waiting for the god damned wood panels to arrive.

“Why?”

Suddenly, he dips down his head, noses closer than ever, and you gulp. “Why do you wanna know?” No words leave your throat and you can’t hear anything other than the deep, reverberating thumps from inside your chest. Soobin backs away before anything else, a smile still present on his lips. “You’ll find out. I haven’t been doing my best to hide it, anyway.”

The employee returns with the panels. You pay for them and it’s late into the evening when you exit into the parking lot and load all the items you bought into his (brother’s) car’s compartment. “I’ll drop you off,” he says, closing down the trunk.

“Thanks,” you reply, and he smiles, shooing you into the passenger’s seat.

It sinks in belatedly, when you’re already a few songs into his driving playlist, that you haven’t given Soobin your address but he’s going in the right direction. He didn’t even ask. Confirming your suspicions, he pulls up right in front of your apartment building, and the doors unlock with a click. “How’d you know where I live?” you raise a brow.

“When Myungho hyung gave us a ride last time,” he answers. “He dropped you off first. Did you think I was stalking you?”

“No. I just wanted to tease you, but you’ve been turning the tables on me all day,” you roll your eyes, unbuckling yourself from the seat. “You used to be so nervous and quiet all the time. Choi Soobin, you’ve grown.”

You thank him for the ride and push open the door, squirming to get off but Soobin suddenly grabs your wrist, and you jerk your head back, surprised. It’s warm where his fingers are wrapped around, a firm grip that feels a lot more intimate than when he was all up in your space at the festival, than when you fell to the ground with his arms around your waist.

He appears to be just as surprised as you are, but the words quickly come pouring out. “I’m still nervous. It took me four tries to give your number a call earlier and I was so relieved when you actually picked up,” he confesses. “I was nervous during dinner, nervous all throughout the car ride, and I’m still nervous now.” You can feel that his hand is slightly damp, circling around yours. “I just wanted to let you know before you go.”

When Soobin lets go, you can feel the cold air nipping at your skin from where he’s been holding. You made the right choice in going out today. Things are a lot clearer now.

The feelings you have for Choi Soobin aren’t sudden— an onslaught of petals from blossoming trees, heat waves from the corshing midday sun, orange fireworks on the cobblestone ground, or the gusts of wind from a December evening that hit you without warning. It’s gradual, accumulated over the seasons in the form of spring showers that extend into the ber months, a summer cold you can’t get rid of, the fall sweater you have nestled inside your closet until flowers start blooming, and the warmth that comforts when the rest of the world freezes into oblivion.

They’ve been building up— slowly but surely until the glass is tipped over, spilling into your veins, and you can’t deny it anymore.

“Thanks for today,” you give him a smile. “Drive safe. Text me when you get home.”

“Will do. Happy new year.”

“Happy new year.”

You wait until he disappears into the street before getting inside the building. Choi Soobin has been your spring, summer, autumn, and winter. It took the last day of the year for you to realize that.

It’s the day before your trip with Shutter to Gapyeong. You’ve already finished all your assigned tasks, so you’re able to hang out with your friends at Jay’s place today. For the meantime, you’re all treating his condo as if it’s your own.

“Let’s watch a movie,” Jake suggests. He’s laying flat on the sofa, his head next to yours while you sit on the carpet, destroying Sunghoon’s ass in a game of chess. When no one replies, everyone else busy doing their own things to even hear him, he gives up and falls to the floor next to you. “You’re leaving tomorrow, right?”

“Yup. Checkmate, Hoonie,” you reply, killing Sunghoon’s king and gloating your victory.

“You all ready to go?” he asks. “I can help you pack if you haven’t.”

“How bored are you, Jake?” you laugh at him. “Yunjin and Kazuha already promised to help me later, but I guess you can tag along.” He looks satisfied with the arrangement, and he wiggles off of the floor to dig through Jay’s kitchen.

Well. You’re almost ready for the trip tomorrow. But besides packing, there’s still one thing you need to settle within yourself before facing your friends and colleagues from Shutter again. “Guys,” you announce after cleaning up the chess set. “Can I tell you something?”

“Is it a new crush?” Kazuha asks, and you hear Taehyun snort. You can neither confirm nor deny her accusation. When did you become so predictable?

“Let’s say I like someone,” you start, and your friends start gathering in the living room, ready to listen to the new boy of the season. “And all signs are saying that he likes me too.” This elicits a gasp from Yunjin and a very obnoxious oooooh from Jake.

“Depends on the signs,” Jake snorts. “Have you been watching tarot readings on TikTok again?”

“Fuck you. I stopped doing that when Yeonjun ghosted me,” you shoot him a glare, and he raises his hands up defensively. “But anyway. It’s already like— really, seriously, obvious that he likes me and all that’s left is for him to say it himself—”

“Ask him out already.”

“But I have a friend who also likes him.” They grow quiet. “What should I do?”

Kazuha is the first person to speak up. “Does she know the guy is into you instead?”

“We’re assuming he’s into me. He rejected her saying he likes someone else,” you explain. “But I don’t think she’s over him yet.”

“Here I thought your love life is finally turning around,” Yunjin groans.

“I can’t fully entertain him without the underlying feeling of guilt because my friend was literally crying over him when they were out for drinks the other day!” you pause, then clarify your statement. “I wasn’t there when it happened. Mingyu told me. It would’ve been terrible if I was there.”

Taehyun sinks into the sofa handle, arms crossed in thought. “This is a little complicated.”

“Right?” you sigh, deflating into the cushions. “Maybe I should just give up. Maybe romance isn’t for me.”

“It’s literally not that complicated, you idiots.” Sunghoon speaks up for the first time, and you look at him. His expression is that of annoyance, mainly direction towards you, and he continues, “If you think he’s worth risking your friendship, then go for it. But if a boy is enough to ruin your friendship, then your friendship is bullshit. Go talk to her first and I’m sure she’ll understand. Maybe it’ll even get her to move on.”

“Holy shit,” Jay gapes. “Why are you making sense for once?”

He’s right. Sunghoon is making sense. Yet there’s still a lingering hesitation clawing at your throat and preventing you from agreeing. “But what if I’m just being delusional and he doesn’t actually like m—”

“Be honest.” Taehyun cuts you off before you could spiral. “Are you hesitant because you’re afraid of hurting your friend, or are you afraid now that the real thing is waiting in front of you?”

Quiet washes the apartment as your friends allow you to simmer in Taehyun’s words. Throughout the past year, you’ve always been the one pouring out love from all your senses, so much and so often that you’re afraid you’d run out, but you never do. It just keeps on pouring and pouring— a momentary stop— but it gushes out again like a perpetual fountain of red. Now that there are hints of the roles reversing, you’ve froze. You know that you’re using Yura too much as an excuse to justify yourself.

You’re always the one pouring— never the one receiving, and now you have no idea what to do.

IT STARTED AS A LIGHT SHOWER, but in the middle of the bus ride to Gapyeong, the rain begins to pour, harder and harder to the point that you can hear it through the music in your earphones. You pull out the buds, looking at the window. “Damn, I guess we have to cancel the outdoor activities today,” you say, and Mingyu overhears from in front of you.

“Let’s hope it stops raining in the afternoon,” he sighs, worried. “We can’t have a barbecue party indoors.”

You’re sitting beside Yura. The girl is already fast asleep, understandable since you all met at five in the morning to do some last minute organizing at the office. It’s now ten in the morning, thirty minutes until you arrive at the place, and the rain is showing no signs of stopping. Mingyu senses the grayness in the air and picks up a megaphone, spits out a generic “let’s have some fun!” message, and proceeds to play some tunes.

It works, because through the rest of the ride to Gapyeong, you’re all screaming Taylor Swift lyrics loud enough to block off the hissing rain, so when the bus stops in front of the place you guys rented for two days and one night, you’re surprised it’s still pouring.

“Well, shit,” you say underneath your umbrella, Mingyu pathetically trying to shrink his frame to fit alongside you, and you reach an arm out from under its protection, feeling the cold droplets soaking your skin. “This is gonna last a while.”

“We should all have lunch first,” he says. “This is gonna be fine. We have a lot prepared.”

You nod. “You guys get inside first,” he says before running off into the second bus that arrived to give Myungho some instructions.

You peek into the bus, “Those with umbrellas, please share with those who don’t. It’s a short run to the accommodation. Please don’t forget to bring your valuables with you.” You watch by the doors as your orgmates leave in two’s and three’s uphill, and you can feel yourself starting to get damp due to the unstable direction of the rainfall.

The last person comes out, and he ducks underneath your umbrella. It’s Soobin. Your eye’s meet, and he’s wearing a sheepish grin. Before you know it, he’s got his hand wrapped on yours, tightly clutching the umbrella handle and suddenly, puddles are splashing underneath your feet as you run into the same direction. A squeak escapes your throat when you hear the rain pour harder, and Soobin pulls you closer with his free hand as the rain threatens to soak you.

“Are you two shooting a youth drama?”

You’re out of breath when you reach the porch of the large house, but you still manage to shoot Heeseung a dirty look for that comment. You glance at Soobin, who still has your umbrella. He’s ruffling his hair and shaking his head like a wet puppy. “I’ll go grab the boxes from the bus. Can I borrow this for a while?” You nod, and he smiles. “Come and help me,” he drags the unwilling Heeseung back into the pouring rain, and you turn back, nudging everyone to get inside the house once they’ve dried up.

“Oh, look who we have here,” you turn to see Jeonghan, walking back out with two mops from the house. “You look pretty happy for someone who just got rained on.”

Your eyes land on Yura, and guilt settles when you catch her expression before she goes back to smiling at Jeonghan and takes the other mop from him. You plan on having a conversation with her later, and you plan on settling everything today. “The day will come where I’ll eventually kick your ass, seonbae. Please reflect on your sins until then.” You bid him off with a bland smile, and you settle inside the warm floors of the room.

It’s two houses connected to each other, two floors each, large enough for twenty to thirty people in total. Mingyu says he’s unsure if there will be enough room upstairs for everyone to sleep in, but there are some that won’t be staying overnight, and you’re sure that the sleeping arrangements will be wherever everyone ends up passing out after getting alcohol-bombed throughout the night.

“Alright, everyone please gather around!”

Mingyu’s voice pierces through the dozens of conversations happening at once. It’s a miracle that the rain is finally letting up after you finish your lunch. “T-shirts are distributed by size so please line up in front of the assigned officers. You can change immediately after receiving yours.”

You’re only able to change into the Shutter shirt after handing out everything from your pile. You happen to bump into Beomgyu after changing, walking down the stairs. “Cute. The shirt looks good on you.” You’re taken aback, but you laugh out a smile.

“Thanks. Did you get yours yet?”

“No. Mingyu hyung is holding it hostage upstairs.”

“Good luck,” you tell him. “I’ll go set up the projector.”

You hop down the last set of steps and are immediately blocked by Soobin when you turn to the living room, bumping into him. “Oh,” you look up. “Were you here the whole time?”

“I was waiting for you,” he says, picking on a stray thread from your shirt collar, and he flicks it off to the side. “I couldn’t find the file for the presentation.”

“Ah, it’s with me. Hold on.”

You drag Soobin into the little tech-area you set up in the living space, passing through the lights the machine is projecting at the white cloth set up against a wall. As you’re tinkering on the laptop, looking for the PPT you made somewhere in the chaos of your files, Soobin is leaning down and watching you work, one arm outstretched on the back of your chair to balance himself. “I thought I didn’t like him anymore,” he says out of nowhere. You stop digging through your files and look up at him— oh, Beomgyu— then resume. His face tells you that it’s just to provoke you, but you entertain his provocations anyway.

“I don’t,” you reply. “But I do like being called cute.”

“Hmm,” he sounds out. “That’s right. Yeonjun hyung called you cute, too.”

You cough out a noise. “What are you getting at, Choi Soobin?”

He laughs at the dirty look you’re giving him. “I just wanted to say that I think you’re cute too.”

For someone who admitted that he gets nervous sweats around you, he sure is getting shameless and bold. You ignore the heat prickling at your cheeks, slamming your hands down the table after opening up the presentation, and leaving into the kitchen to get some of the lemon water Myungho made. If Mingyu were to see you right now, he’d be having a mother fucking field day. Thank god he’s busy keeping everything in check.

“Alright, it’s time to officially start Shutter.TXT’s new year’s party and sensitivity training! We’ll begin with an opening message from our very own Chairperson, Kim Mingyu, and after that, the anonymous message table will be opened once more. Chair, you have the floor.”

Beomgyu and Yura are hosting today (after the last event, you’re sure Mingyu decided that hosting isn’t for him). You’re back next to Soobin, helping him manage the technicals, and the afternoon passes by with the various party games you guys prepared— with prizes, of course because no one would join without an incentive. The screen is projecting a picture of Yoon Jeonghan as a baby and everyone yells out their names, hands raised to guess who the pudgy gremlin is. He didn’t submit the photo, of course. You had to dig into his mother’s Facebook account to find it.

“Correct! The answer is our Business Manager, Yoon Jeonghan!” You click to the next slide as Chan runs up front to get his prize. “Before we head to picking the raffle winners sponsored by our Chair, let’s take a break and pick out some messages from the confession box first!”

Your memory flashes back to one confession you got last time, and your eyes flash up at Soobin. “Did you send anything?” you ask him.

“Maybe I did,” he hums. “You?”

“I didn’t have the time,” you reply, a smile tugging on your lips. “So I might just end up doing it in person.”

Your attention is caught when you hear Beomgyu read one of the messages into the microphone, and you hear your full name echoing through the speakers. “Ohhh, this one’s for our Assistant Layout Director!” and he repeats for your full name once more. You look at Soobin, but choose not to say anything when he’s so intently waiting for Beomgyu to read out loud the message. “I’ve liked you since March of last year and my feelings have only grown as each month passes. What other signs should I give you?” He’s practically pouring his heart into your lap and you��ve been so stupid as to ignore it with every passing season.

“Alright, alright, everyone please settle down, I know that last one was thrilling but we have another confession for—”

The rest of the activities finished without a hitch, and Heeseung managed to win the ramen cooker Mingyu bought as the grand prize for the raffle. When the sun fell and stars started settling in the sky, the front yard finally dried up enough for everyone to set up for dinner.

“Hyung! Come take over the grill!”

Smoke fills the air as you bump glasses over the picnic table, and soft music hums from the portable speakers Beomgyu brought. The night is cool, still stuck in the middle of winter. You leave a pat on Chan’s shoulder before you leave the group, passing by the large blue cooler near the grill to scoop up two beer cans before sauntering over to the downslope path.

There isn’t a staircase, so you’re careful with your steps, slightly buzzed from the early shots you had earlier. Your eyes land on Yura, sitting on the grassy knoll while staring off into the treeline. “Hey,” you greet her, and she looks up behind. You raise the blue can, smiling. “Brought something to refresh our emcee’s throat. You did a great job today.”

She smiles.“Thanks. You too.”

You take a seat next to her on the ground and your cans open together with a hiss, clinking lid tops before taking a hefty swig in mutual silence. After a while, you speak up. “We’re both working too hard,” you say. “But we didn’t even get to win a single damned prize from the raffle.”

“I would’ve been happy with the box of tampons, honestly,” she laughs.

“Me too. Even the dead matchstick would be good enough.”

The tree leaves rustle when a breeze passes. You know what you came up to her for, but you don’t know how to bring it up. The metal is cold between your teeth as you ponder, biting on the beer can after you let the drink sizzle down your throat.

Much to your surprise, it’s Yura that brings it up. “I want to tell you that I’m completely over Soobin,” she says. “I should’ve moved on after the first rejection, but I think the second one was enough to give me a reality check.”

You stare at her. “Are— are you serious?”

“Just pretend and believe that I am. Don’t ask questions,” he proclaims, closing her eyes with an affirmative nod. You can see her veins popping on the back of her hand as she holds the can.“Yup. So don’t hold yourself back anymore and do whatever you want.” You eye her in worry. It doesn’t go past her radar. Yura settles the drink on the ground beside her and grabs your two hands.

She pulls them close to her, smiling. “We’re friends. I’ll always be happy for you.”

You don’t need her to say it outright. Maybe it’s better for her that way. Your hands wrap around her and you give her a squeeze. “Thanks.”

“Ah,” she starts cocking her head. “This should’ve happened sooner. Gosh, I need another drink. Let’s go raid the cooler.”

With that she pulls you up and drags you back to the rest of your peers. As soon as you’re within earshot, Mingyu calls out the both of you to eat more, boasting how nicely he grilled the beef this time. “We’ll be the judge of that!” Yura yells back, and you spend the rest of the night with a few weeks worth of weight on your chest finally lifted, making it easier for you to breathe in the clean air of the rural neighborhood.

Your initial predictions are right. At three in the morning, almost everyone is passed out scattered areas of the two houses, and you’re having a bit of difficulty trying to evade the obstacle of bodies when you enter the living room after cleaning up outside. I doubt we could go through with the program in the morning, you think when you pass by Beomgyu’s unconscious body hanging onto Heeseung as you make your way up the stairs to wash up. Waking everyone up would take at least two hours.

It’s a lot more civilized upstairs. Some of the girls gathered in one room and are sleeping soundly on the mats and blankets. You do your best to keep quiet as you prepare for the night, but even after bathing and giving yourself a change of clothes, the moonlight from the open window keeps you up with its brightness. You give up sleeping and head back downstairs. There, you see a familiar silhouette snuggled up on the couch and taking up all of its space. He’s squirming when you walk up to him, tugging the blanket that’s half on the ground, and you let out a soundless laugh.

You’re on the floor watching Soobin’s face scrunch up as he sleeps. His mouth is pouting, and one of his arms hangs off the sofa when he turns, facing you. You bring your knees closer to your chest. He’s pretty even when sleeping.

Right when you plan on leaving, you hear him mumble out your name— in full, like he always does. It’s barely coherent, a slur of syllables, but you can recognize your name in his voice. “You’re still awake...?” he asks, rubbing his barely open eyes. You settle yourself back down with a smile, hugging your knees.

“Mhm,” you reply. “I was thinking.”

He’s still half-asleep. You can tell when tries getting up but he only makes it a few inches up the sofa before his head surrenders to the armrest. You shouldn’t be making any noise. There’s at least five more people sleeping in the room, but a noise escapes in spite of your tightly pressed lips when his fallen arm reaches out for your hand, looping his index finger with your pinky. “What were you thinking about?”

Your hands fiddle around with his, tracing invisible shapes on each print and surface as his hazy eyes flutter back and forth in between wake and sleep. “I was thinking about how much I like you,” you say softly. “That’s why I couldn’t sleep.”

Silence befalls, and you’re sure he’s dozed off again. But when you turn to check on him, his eyes are fully open, wide awake. You’re still holding his hand, waiting for something to happen, and that something happens when you feel his gentle but firm grip on your wrist, pulling you up from the ground and your footsteps patter against the moonlight leaking into the wooden living room floor, until a sharp cold bites your feet when you enter the kitchen.

“Okay,” he exhales with a voice clearer than his earlier murmurs, still holding your hand. It’s dark. You can barely see anything, but there’s enough light from the window to make-up Soobin’s silhouette, and you’re still breathless from the sudden sprint. “I’ll give you five seconds to take back what you said, but if you—”

It’s soft, you think. So soft, when adrenaline takes over you and you jerk forward, lips clumsily bumping into each other in exhilaration. Soobin’s wide eyes are staring into yours, and neither are moving away. You’re not sure if it’s your own heart beat you’re hearing, his, or the both of yours thumping in an unfamiliar rhythm.

“Is someone there?”

You’re tugged away again, and before you know it you’re crouched under a table, and all the light you can see are the streams pouring underneath the small gap between the floor and the tablecloth.

“Did you hear something?”

“I thought there was someone here.”

Your eyes flash up from the ground and you’re once again met with Soobin’s clear gaze. It’s a small table, and Soobin is trying his hardest not to collapse onto you. His arms cage you in between, and you cover his head with your hands so he doesn’t bump against the table.

“Probably from outside.”

You can only guess your expression right now. It’s probably mirroring his— panting ever the slightest, trying his best not to smile too much, trying to soak in the moment that’s been months in the waiting.

It’s the first time your apartment has been this loud.

You don’t know what you got yourself into. A merger between your friends from your major and your friends from Shutter was a disaster waiting to happen. And it is happening. Beomgyu and Taehyun shouldn’t have met, Myungho shouldn’t be drinking with Jay and the rest right now, and you can hear Mingyu talking shit about how he knew you and Soobin were meant to be from the very beginning to every person he sees.

“I’ve been shipping them since day one!” he proclaims proudly to Jake. “Your friend wouldn’t believe me when I—” and your boyfriend promptly tells him to shut up, Jeonghan teasing him along with Heesung.

“When I saw them at the festival, I knew something was up!”

“I made a mistake,” you say out loud. “Holy crap, this is noisy.”

Then you’re dragged by the girls for questioning when Yunjin and Kazuha spill to Yura your series of unfortunate romantic events last year until Soobin happened. “You guys are missing a detail,” you sigh. “It’s time to be honest. I also had a crush on Taehyun for a total of like, two days.”

“What?” exclaims Yunjin?

“What?” echoes the rest of your friends.

“Hold on, when did this happen?” Soobin is back to your side. You haven’t told him either. He only knows up until Huening.

“Christmas party. It was a temporary moment of weakness because I was sad and hormonal,” you explain. “Don’t look at me like that, Choi Soobin. It didn’t last long. Things became clear when we went out for dinner on new year’s eve.”

You hear a gag from Sunghoon and Yunjin freaks out. “You had dinner together?! How come I wasn’t aware of this?”

“Ew, I can’t believe you had a crush on one of us,” spouts Jay, but Jake quickly turns it against him.

“Like you’re one to talk. You had a crush on her throughout the first week of classes.”

“Now, why the fuck would you tell her that?”

They fight. You take the opportunity to escape the scene, dragging Soobin to the safe space of your room before you can get a headache from the mess outside. “I think I should’ve just introduced you to them one by one,” you sigh against the door. “I’m sorry. They must’ve been tiring.”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” he assures, already taking a spot on the floor beside your bed. “Of course, it’s still better when it’s just you and me.”

Slowly, you pull yourself off the door and plant yourself right in front of him, sitting cross legged. He waits for you to speak, eyes expectant. You give in. “Are you upset that I didn’t tell you about my two day crush on Taehyun?” You didn’t expect him to laugh at that.

“No. I’m actually glad you didn’t,” he starts. Soobin leans forward a little, picking up your hands from the floor and he starts twiddling with them as he lets his mind speak. “I was always hesitant to do or say anything because you always had your eyes set on someone else, but I just couldn’t do nothing. I liked you a lot, and I only fell deeper as we got closer. I thought I might explode if I didn’t let it out somehow. I only got the courage to call you that day because I thought you didn’t have feelings for anybody anymore,”

“But I did,” you correct. “I’m pretty sure I already liked you then.”

You pause for a moment. “Actually, I’m sure I liked you even before that.”

He breathes out a smile. “I’m glad.” Soobin lets go of you— only for a moment because he lets himself sink forward, arms locking you in place like the time you were trapped under the table during the Shutter outing. It’s late at night, too. Nothing but the moon illuminating the floorboards through your bedroom window, except this time, your eyes aren’t looking at each other. You follow his gaze, and you let out a little laugh. “Choi Soobin,” you call out, and his eyes snap back up. “You know, you can kiss me if you want to, right?”

It’s like he said. He gets nervous around you. You can see him swallow hesitantly, the air around you growing thicker, and he breathes out, “Are— are you sure?”

You dip your fingers into his hair, and he chases after when you trail them down to his cheek. His face is soft, softer than a gentle spring bloom. “You can do whatever you want."

Soobin presses his lips together. “Then...close your eyes”

Your eyes follow, and within a few seconds you can feel nothing but the teasing burn of his lips barely grazing above yours like it’s the summer sun, but then feel his grip on your shoulder, and the air gets colder when you suddenly feel a distance.

He’s red when you open your eyes, a pretty shade of warm, autumn sienna painting his cheeks and ears. “Sorry, I just—”

You don’t let him finish. You pull yourself into him and the plush of his lips are soft against yours— still as soft as you remember and you let yourself drown in his heat and warmth, and he does the same, tugging you onto his lap so he can pour all his year’s worth of love and ardor into you with every kiss, peck, whisper like it’s a winter present.

“You’re really doing whatever you want,” you laugh as soon as he presses a kiss on the skin peeking from your left shoulder.

“I’ve been holding back for months,” he whines into your neck, arms firmly wrapped around your waist with no intention of letting go. “Let’s stay here for a little longer. The guys outside can take care of themselves.”

Choi Soobin has been pouring his love into you all throughout spring and summer, fall and winter, even when you were too caught up in momentary shifts of the season to notice. Now, you won’t even let a drop fall astray, catching every last bit as you do the same for him. He’s a spring shower that extends into December, a summer cold you never want to get rid of, a fall sweater you’re wearing in the middle of May, and the cold nights that visit all throughout the year.

love vomit. © hannie-dul-set, 2023.

[sykosugu]

on the run | two

♤ summary: she's an infamous bank robber, and he's the only detective that's been able to get close to her. he was never apart of her plans. but he's got his clutches in her and she can't let go. a geto suguru au

♢ warnings: this story will contain descriptions of violence, destructive behavior, toxic behavior, illegal activities, sexual content, death. use of weapons. forbidden romance

♧ aw: violence, guns mentioned

♡ currently: completed

♤ taglist: closed

♢ wc: 3.5k

♧ carlile speaks: surprise! hi everyone! how are we? I hope we all had a great week! I had a lot of free time so we get a double update! another chapter down! aaaand chapter 3 has already been started. this one's way different than the last.. i hope everyone enjoys ♡ once you’re done here, head over to @celestie0 to read her new Choso x Reader fic! I know a special someone who might make a an appearance!

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Suguru wakes to the feeling of your arms wrapped around him from the back; sometimes he liked to be the little spoon. Mostly because he loved the feeling of your cheek pressed into his back. He felt needed when you koala’d yourself around him in the middle of the night. The night terrors you experienced years ago started coming back so you’ve been clutching to Suguru more often. Sometimes he wakes up feeling like he’s being crushed from the vice grip you have on him in your sleep. He always has to peel you from around him so he can turn in your hold to soothe you awake and talk you down.

“Hey, I’m here with you, Ru,” he coos into your hair, “C'mon pretty, wake up for me,” his hand rubs circles into the small of your back, pulling your shaking frame on top of him. Your eyes shoot open at the feeling of being moved. A “no, no, no,” leaves your lips until you realize who’s in front of you. You can't believe how safe he makes you feel, when nearly a year ago you were trying to sleep with him just to get away from him. “Shh, just me, Ru. You’re okay.”

“Sugu?” you whine, hands reaching out to feel his face to really make sure he’s here. Your heart feels as if it's about to jump out of your chest, but at the feeling of his skin against yours, you feel eased.

“Yeah, Ru, it’s me,” his other hand comes up to grip your wrist, leaning into your touch. “Just me.”

“I hate these nightmares,” your eyes begin to well with tears.

“Well, knowing someone is after you that you’ve known to be your friend is bound to mess with your head,”

“I know, Mr. Logical,” you roll your eyes at him.

“You’re in distress right now, so I'll let that one slide,” he chuckles, pressing a kiss to your nose. To his right, his phone starts vibrating against the surface, pulling his attention to the object. Chief Yaga’s name puts worry into his mind. “Shit,” he whispers, sitting up with you in his hold. “Let me go take this,” he says with a kiss to your forehead before he disappears into the bathroom.

You sit in your spot, sheets pulled up with your arms to cover your chest as you sit and try to listen as closely as possible.

“Good morning Chief,” you hear Suguru say. “No, sir, no progress I’m afraid,” you chuckle to yourself at his admittance. No progress my ass. He’d successfully turned you into a sappy mess for him, that was his progress. If only the chief knew that you were sitting just a few feet away from Suguru as he blatantly lied to him. “Sir, I don't think that’s necessary, I’ve got it handled.” What’s not necessary? “With all due respect sir, you’re wrong. I’m the onl–” you imagine he’d been cut off, so his blood pressure is probably through the roof. “Sir, I’m the only one who’s gotten close to her before. I can do it again. Satoru is just going to weigh me down.” What? Who’s Satoru? “Sir, I don’t think this is a good idea. Hello? Chief?” you hear the phone get set on the counter before Suguru speaks again. 

“Fuck!” he yells, followed by the sound of shattering glass. The sound makes you jump. What was that? Your feet find the floor and they carry you to the bathroom before you can even think about it. You push the door open, finding Suguru standing at the sink, gripping the edge with blood trickling down his right hand. Glancing up, you see the mirror's state, completely shattered from his fist. 

“Suguru?” you ask tentatively.

“I need to get you out of here,” he says, ripping himself from his spot and dragging you back into the bedroom. 

“Woah, slow down. Let me look at your hand,” you reach for it, but he jerks from your hold.

“There’s no time, get dressed.” He throws the clothes of yours that were on the back of a chair at you, forcing you to catch them.

“Will you talk to me, please? You’re scaring me,” the words leaving your mouth sound shaky. He stops in his tracks, turning to look at you and taking in your appearance. The tears that are still evident in your eyes and how your body just trembles.

“I’m sorry, but there’s really no time for me to coddle you right now. I know you’re scared, and I'll explain on the way, but I need you to get dressed. Now. I’m not asking again.”

“F-fine,” you sniffle, sliding the clothes onto your body. The one suitcase you allow yourself to keep over the years was kept under your side of the bed. Sliding it from underneath, you grab your boots and your jacket before leaving the hotel room without another word. Down the hall and to the stairs before a hand grabs ahold of your shoulder.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“You said I needed to get out of there. So I’m doing you a favor. We were never going to be able to live the life we wanted, Suguru. It was always just a ticking time bomb of never knowing when it was going to go off. Well guess what? It went off,” he eyes you, tears welling in his eyes at your truth. 

“I’m going to find a way to keep you safe. I’m going to. I have to,” he pleads, a hand finding your cheek to wipe your tears. “You promised you wouldn’t leave,”

“I can take care of myself, Detective. You promised me you’d never keep me in the dark,” you pull his hold from your face. “You broke that promise, so I'm breaking my promise. Don’t follow me,” with that you’re disappearing down the stairs.

“Would you stop for a second? Let me explain,” he yells after you, “Ru!” he’s hot on your trail, “Rub–Y/N, stop!” he grips you again, turning you fast and wrapping his arms around your heaving shoulders. “Stop running from me,” he begs. “I’m going to keep you safe, okay? You just have to trust me.”

“Think I trust you too much at this point,” you sniffle into his chest, your arms instinctively snaking around him, after you drop your bag to the floor. “You promised you’d keep me in the loop on things. I need communication.”

“I know, I’m sorry. C’mon, there’s not much time,” he’s ushering you back up the stairs towards the room. Once back inside, he explains while he gathers some more of the items you’d left, tossing them into a bag. “Chief Yaga is sending another Detective, Satoru, to come work the case with me. He said two years is too long for one person to spend on a single case and is tired of not getting results.” his tone sounding more and more annoyed with each leaving word. “I don't know why I'm upset, you said it yourself. It was only a matter of time.”

“You have the right to be upset, Sugu. I’m upset alongside you, but we have to do something.”

“For now, I’m just going to stay here, and you’ll be in your room down the hall. Once I have somewhere else for you to go, I’ll get you there.” He sounds frantic, almost panicked. You reach out, placing your palm between his shoulder blades. He tenses under your touch, but then immediately relaxes once your arms reach around his middle.

“Just breathe, It’ll be fine. I’ll help you gather all of my stuff so I can get down the hall, okay? We’re in this together,” your words are muffled into his back. His hands reach to rub over your arms across his waist.

“Once you’re in the room, you won’t be able to leave without some sort of signal from me. We’ll have to keep in contact on our burners.” He turns in your hold, placing a kiss to your forehead.

“I hate that I’m going to be away from you,” you whine after you bury your face into his chest, soaking in the last bit of his scent you’d be able to get for a while.

“Hey, I might be able to get Satoru to leave for a while at some point. But I know what you mean. We’ll find a way somehow, I promise. You can't promise that.

You knew what you had to do.

“Well, I can’t just stop doing my jobs again, that’ll raise red flags. Another detective shows up and I just go ghost? That’ll look bad on you. I have to keep it up, no if’s and’s or but’s about it.”

“Woah there, Ru. You have to think logically about this.” You know what? Just go along with it.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.” You know exactly what you were thinking. 

Suguru helps you go through the entire hotel room, looking for any item of yours. All of your items were thrown into a bag and he walked you down to your hotel room down the hall that you’d never taken out of your name for a reason just like this. You never knew when your time was going to be up, but you just wished it wasn’t right now. You wished you could have a real chance at a real life with Suguru. Maybe in another life, you could have the life you dreamed of with him every night. The two of you laid up in the bed, his head on your chest for once, your fingers running through his hair as he hummed against your skin. Talking of the things you wanted to experience together. The countries you wanted to visit. The number of cats you wanted together. How many kids he wanted but how tentative you were about kids. He swore he was going to change your mind. Right where you wanted him. 

He’d be crushed if he knew the truth.

“Satoru, what’s up man?” Suguru greets his friend as he opens the door, “Welcome to my humble abode,” he chuckles as he makes his way inside.

“It is certainly..humble,” Satoru laughs. “Why don’t I get us something better at the Hilton down the road?” 

“Nah, man, I’ve been here the entire time, I’m good here,” Suguru says not wanting to leave this space he’s been sharing with you. “But by all means, if you want to, more power to you.”

“Yeah, I think I will,” he grins, setting his bag on the bed. He takes in the state of the room, the tousled sheets, and pillows on the floor. Suguru stripped the bed for housekeeping to take before Satoru got here. He didn’t want to chance any trace of you being stuck in the sheets. “Aww, you doing some spring cleaning on my account?”

“For sure,” Suguru chuckles. “Nah, I just haven’t had the sheets changed yet this week.”

“Dude, what happened to your hand?” Satoru asks, noticing the soaked bandages wrapped around his hand and wrist.

“Oh, I got pissed off the other day after I let the girl slip through my fingers again. I even knew which bank she was going to be at and I still missed her.” Suguru plays up his irritation, turning away from Satoru and gripping the back of the desk chair in the corner.

“Well, let’s go over everything you have before I go get my hotel room.” Satoru attempts to ease the tension.

Suguru waited about twenty minutes after Satoru left to come down to your room. He knocked on the door twice like you two agreed on, and he waited. 

And waited. 

So he knocked again. 

And waited.

“Ru?” he asked through the door. 

Nothing.

“Ruby?”

Nothing.

“Y/N, this isn’t funny,” he says, reaching into his pocket for the spare key to your room. He didn’t want to just barge in on you, he had some decorum. He opens the door, and he’s met with an empty room. You’re nowhere. You hadn’t even pulled the duvet down on the bed. How long have you been gone? Suguru panics. He glances around the room to see if there’s any trace of you. On the desk, he sees your burner phone and a note. 

“Sugu, Our time is unfortunately up for now. We both know that. I’m sorry, but this is the only way. I know where I eventually need to go, even if it pains me to do so. Maybe I’ll see you again someday. - Your Ru.”

Hot tears stream down his face as he reads your words. 

You promised.. 

You promised him. 

What did you mean by this was the only way? He told you he’d find a way. Why couldn't you just trust him? Where were you going? He was spiraling. If he hadn’t already messed up his good hand, he’d be punching the wall. He storms back down to his room, unsure of what to do next. At least you had your gun. He knew you could protect yourself. But it still terrified him to know you were out there and he was stuck here in the unknown.

He had you.

He lost you.

Just like that.

He lost you.

A month has passed and you haven’t seen Suguru. You’re certain you’ve never felt this kind of pain before. You can hear his voice in your dreams, feel his arms around you while you sleep,  but when you wake you’re alone. In the big penthouse suite at the Hilton. It’s a wonder what the hotel management is willing to do when you wave some money around.

“Thank you for calling the Hilton on Main, how can I help you?”

“Hello, I’d like to book your penthouse suite. Indefinitely.”

“Certainly, ma’am. Could I have a name for the reservation?”

“I’d like this to remain off the books please.”

“I’ll have to get a manager for this, give me one second please.” A brief pause, some elevator sounding music plays before a man gets on the phone. “Good evening ma'am, I hear we’d like to have a stay off the books?”

“Yes, sir. I’ll pay three times the rate, under the table. I would like no room service, no maid service, nothing.”

They really are willing to do a lot for money. No name on the books, a private entrance, not a single member of staff knows who you are nor have they seen you. Just how you like it.

But you have to keep doing your work

Seventy seconds, but you only need thirty. 

Like clockwork. 

In and and out of the bank. 

A hand grips your upper arm. 

You're taken off guard for two reasons. One, this is very reminiscent of when you and Suguru first met, and that’s who you are anticipating when you turn around. The second reason is because when you turn around, you’re met with a fist to your face and a knee to your gut, sending you down onto your knees. You spit the blood that pooled in your mouth out onto the ground beneath you. The bag in your hand drops to the ground. Gun. Where is your gun? Reaching behind you as you struggle to pull yourself to stand, you pull your gun from your waistband, but when you finally get clear enough vision, there’s nobody around you. Your bag is still here, but the person who attacked you is gone. 

What was that about? Who was that? 

You reach behind you, putting your gun back into your waistband, and picking up your bag. A piece of paper sticks to the side of your boot. It reads, “The Red Queen, beheaded for treason.”

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

You only have one option left. You only have one person left to go to. 

Suguru has been a wreck. It’s been a month and he hadn’t heard from you in any way. He knew you remembered his cell number on both of his phones so if you really needed him, you’d make it known. Satoru has been acting strange lately as well. Noticing more of Suguru’s negative moods whenever they’d talk about you. His evident irritation at the mention of your name. He was proud of you of course for keeping up on your scores and taking care of yourself, but he missed you terribly and just wanted to see you–hold you–one more time.

“Dude, you good? You’ve been on edge since I joined you a month ago,” Satoru prods at him. Suguru had been sitting in the passenger side seat of Satoru’s car as they made their way to the bank you’d just hit. A sliver of hope in his brain that you’d still be there, but he knows it’s a pointless thought. He grips the door so hard his knuckles are turning white. He just wants one glimpse of your face. That’s all he’s asking for. 

“Fine,” he huffs, throwing the cruiser door open and stepping out.

They survey the scene, taking all records of everyone's account inside the bank. Of course nobody saw anything, the manager couldn't get a look at your face because of the glasses. All he could see was your red lipstick and that smile as you spoke. Suguru could imagine your face, your laugh as the man before him described what he could remember about you. He grins as he realizes just how good you are at your “job”, thinking about how proud he is of you. How proud he, a detective, is proud of you, a criminal. He’s actually going insane over you. He’s willing to throw away every oath he ever took for you. You have him wrapped around your finger and he liked it.

“Think she got someone outside,” Satoru says, making his way over to Suguru.

“What do you mean?”

“Found a splatter of blood on the steps out front,” he pulls his phone out of his pocket, flipping it around to show him. Suguru’s face pales.

And Satoru notices.

No, no, no. That better not be yours. You’d better be okay. Suguru will have whoevers head if that is yours. He needed to find you again.

Now.

The pair of detectives make their way back to the Suguru’s hotel room, to add the photos they took, and their notes to their wall of evidence. 

Satoru is the first one to notice. Maid service had been here, and they obviously found a shirt of Suguru’s that he’d been hiding. A white dress shirt covered in lipstick prints all over the collar. 

Red lipstick prints

Is that why he’d been so on edge? Had he been lying to Satoru all along? Another mental note he keeps for later.

“Oh, guess the maids finally thought you needed some help,” Satoru jokes, gesturing towards the made beds and the shirt laying on the edge. He follows Suguru’s gaze, watches as his eyes widen and face turns as white at the piece of clothing as he looks at it. The shirt he’d kept under his pillow so he had some way of sleeping close to you, since it was the only thing he had that reminded him of you. He’s gotta shake it off. Suguru picks up the shirt and chuckles.

“Haha, I thought I'd gotten rid of this. A man gets lonely sometimes ya know? She ruined my shirt,” he says as he tosses it in the trash can, knowing he’ll take it out once Satoru leaves the room.

“Ohhoho, a man does have needs,” Satoru laughs. “Send her to my room next time,” he’s trying to keep up with Suguru’s story but it's getting harder to live with knowing his friend is lying to him.

“For sure, I’ll send her to the penthouse at the Hilton for you later tonight.”

“While I appreciate the sentiment, I wasn't able to get the penthouse, I guess some VIP is staying there indefinitely.” Satoru sighs, clearly annoyed at the memory. Suguru’s ears perked up. Of course you’re in the penthouse. Why didn't he think of that to begin with?

“Poor rich boy doesn't get the penthouse, whatever will you do?” Suguru teases him.

“Cry about it some more, probably,” he jokes. “Speaking of, I’m due for a cry myself to naptime session, so I’ll be going to my non-penthouse room now,” he says rolling his eyes. Satoru grabs his briefcase and heads towards the door. “G’night, Detective,” the tone of his voice almost serving as a reminder that Suguru is in fact a cop.

“See you tomorrow, Satoru.”

Suguru waits about an hour before he does probably the dumbest thing he’s ever done. Stepping out of the elevator, and into the hallway he makes his way to the double doors at the end. “Penthouse Suite” reads on the gold plaque on the wall. 

Once he reaches the door, he knocks twice. 

Just like you agreed.

♡ tags: @celestie0 @lostfracturess @carlacujo @alwaysfreakingout @shervinss @jaelahh @gojolvrr34 @shesplendl @phoenix-eclipses @nanasukii28 @mylifetold @bakuhoethotski @4y3sh4 @whereflowerswenttodie

[m-jelly]

Requested:

Levi x reader + Narnia (base?/theme? from the three movies) 😊😅

I know the Narnia books and movies. I can work with this! Normally I don't do movie or tv or book inspired, but I know this and I can make it Royal AU with magic easily!

Another land with love

Levi x fem!reader

Royal AU, magic AU, fluff, romance, falling in love, villain Levi is actually the good guy, becoming a couple, Narnia inspired.

In your attempt to flee your terrifying partner, you climb through a closet and end up in a new world. You're soon captured by Count Levi Ackerman whom you're warned is evil. During your time with the Count, the two of you fall in love, discover your powers and learn the Queen is the true villain.

Warning, this is a long one because I was given too much free rein on this! It wasn't a scene. Sorry it's a tad long, I tried to cut it down. This has two parts to it.

@ladycheesington @darkstarlight82 @levisbrat25 @galactict3a @nyxiieluna

@li-anne @youre-ackermine @thebobaprincess @2moth-anon2 @cypidity

@nbinairyn @bts-spnlvr12 @emilyyyy-08 @notgoodforlife @demonic-bird

@searriously

Panic consumed your very soul. The heat from your heavy breathing wrapped around you as you tried to stay quiet inside the closet. Tears stung your eyes as terror took over. Your body was working overdrive listening to anything. Fight and flight were kicking in.

As your partner's footsteps got closer to the room you were hiding in, you knew that he'd find you and beat you. So, you wiggled further back into the closet and felt cold air. Intrigued and hopeful that this could be your way out, you turned and shoved your way through the musty clothes towards the coldness.

Musty old clothes soon turned into rough pine branches covered in snow. Pain shot through your feet as you ran through thick snow, you were not wearing the clothes for this kind of weather but you would rather face a bitter winter than what was behind you.

It was like the trees were trying to help you be free because there was a push behind them. Eventually, you flung your body out of the treeline and slammed against the snow. With the momentum of your efforts, you rolled down the hill and smacked into a post of a fence lining a road.

You lay there for a while as you let the tears run down your cheeks, you were fed up with everything. After crying for a bit you pushed yourself up and started following the road until you noticed lanterns and a town in the distance. You needed to find someone to help you out.

As you shook from the bitter cold air you noticed posters about the dreaded Count, to be careful of him and to inform the Queen of any and all of his activities. Count Levi Ackerman seemed handsome from the drawing, but you knew better than to have anything to do with bad men again.

You stumbled into an empty tavern and over to the keeper. "H-Hello. I a-ah, need help."

He stared at you. "You're not from here."

You shook your head. "I came here through some weird doorway." You shivered. "I don't know what's happening."

He hurried around to you and guided you to the fireplace. As soon as he sat you down, he wrapped a blanket around you. "I'll get you something warm to drink."

"Th-thank you."

The keeper sat with you and explained you were in a snowy land called Paradis which was ruled by a kind Queen, but rumours are spreading that she might be causing the long winter. He informed you that Count Levi was the Queen's rival, he'd been raiding lands and taking it for his own. All people who use magic are with the Count.

It was clear the more this man talked, the more there was disgust and dislike for anyone with magical abilities. The Queen had linked magic to the Count and therefore all magical people and things were bad. The more he spoke the more uncomfortable you were becoming because you had come here by magic.

He stared at you. "Are you magical?"

You gripped your drink. "No. Magic doesn't exist in my world."

"But you came here by magic."

You put the cup down and held your hands up. "I'm not magical."

He stared at your hands to see a light pink light dance around your hands. "Filthy blood! You're a magus!"

You stood up. "I'm telling you, I'm not from this world. I don't use magic."

He grabbed your upper arm and dragged you out of the tavern. "You're all the same! Disgusting magus!"

You screamed when he threw you hard out of his tavern and against the muddy road. "Ow!"

"You belong in the mud! You pig! MAGUS! MAGUS!"

"Tch, oi?" Both you and the tavern owner looked at a man sitting on a black horse wearing a thick black cloak, black clothes under, black undercut hair and the most devilishly handsome face. "Watch your mouth."

The tavern owner shook. "Th c-count!"

You watched him trip up his stairs and fall into his tavern and lock it. A shiver ran through you as you felt the Count's eyes bore into you. You turned your head and gazed at him only to see his gaze was not of rage or disgust, but something rather soft. Never in all your years has a man ever looked at you like that before.

He jumped off his horse and strolled over to you. "So, you're a magic user and by the looks of you, you're not from this world."

You gulped hard. "I fell into this world through a doorway. Please, don't make me go back."

He crouched next to you and felt his cheeks heat up at how pretty you were. "You must be frozen and scared." He pulled his thick cloak off and wrapped it around you before scooping you up into his strong arms. "Tell me, why do you fear going back?"

"There's only pain. A man is waiting who claims he loves me."

"He hurt you?"

You nodded. "Yes."

Levi gripped you tightly. "I won't let you go back." He sat you on his horse before climbing up and holding you. "I'm Count Levi Ackerman."

You gave your name. "Thank you for your cloak, but aren't you cold?"

"I use fire magic, I'm fine." He looked down at you and thought you looked adorable. "Rest, I'll take care of you and bring you somewhere safe."

You admired Levi's cold beauty. "O-Okay."

He held you close and activated his power causing you to feel a gentle warmth coming from him. He wasn't sure who you were, or where you came from but when he looked into your eyes he saw a connection with you. The two of you were bound in some way, and he felt a need or desire to take care of you.

He glanced down at you as his horse walked and saw you were clinging to him and asleep. He smiled softly and enjoyed the contact with you.

It'd been a few weeks since you'd arrived at Levi's manor. Everyone had cared for you and treated you like you were the Countess of the home. Levi treated you as if you were his darling love. He was so kind and attentive to your needs.

Magic lessons with Levi were fun, he was teaching you how to embrace your newfound abilities. You listened to every word he said and in return, he listened to you about your world. Levi was fascinated by your world and all the cleaning products you had access to.

The way Levi gazed at you, talked to you and smiled at you made you think he possibly had feelings for you. As the weeks passed, he started bringing you gifts that brightened your day. Some of you hoped he cared for you like you cared for him.

You reached out and watched a huge oak tree grow from the earth from your pink magic. You marvelled at how big and brilliant it was. "I can't believe I can make something like this."

Levi stood behind you and ran his hand down your arm stretched out. "You are brilliant. I've never seen this kind of magic before. You're almost as powerful as me. I believe if we work together we can stop the Queen."

You turned and faced Levi as he played with your hand and caressed your cheek. "I hate that everyone has you wrong." You leaned into his touch. "You're a good man who is misunderstood."

"I'm happy as long as you understand me."

Your cheeks heated up. "I need to ask you something."

"You can ask me anything."

You let out a shaky sigh. "I need to know how you feel."

He tilted his head. "How do I feel? I feel okay."

You shook your head a bit. "N-Not that, b-but I'm glad you're okay."

He released you and stepped back as he called your name.

You panicked a bit. "I-I'm sorry, I w-won't ask!"

He called your name again. "You can ask me anything. I was just moving back because look."

You lifted your head to see flowers everywhere and Levi was covered in them too. You gasped a bit and felt your heart race. "Ah, s-sorry."

He smiled. "It's beautiful. You must be feeling something good."

You stared at him and admired his smile, which only caused more flowers to grow around him and little lights of pink to float around him. "Levi?"

He looked over at you as some light landed on his finger. "I'm in love with you."

You gasped. "H-huh?"

He blushed hard. "S-sorry, but I just felt so compelled to say how I felt." He approached you. "It's true though." He held your hands. "I hope you feel the same way."

You nodded shyly. "I do. I love you too. I was going to ask you if you care for me, but now I have my answer."

Levi pulled you against him. "May I kiss you?"

You whined a little. "You may, but I will warn you if you do you might be swallowed up by flowers."

Levi chuckled and held you against him. "I'm willing to take the risk. Besides, I might end up surrounding you with my flames."

You gasped when fire danced up your arms. "Warm."

He leaned closer and spoke against your lips. "They won't hurt you. They're gentle like I am with you."

Before you could answer him, he pressed his lips against yours and hummed in happiness. The heat between the two of you was addictive. The two of you clung to each other as the kiss deepened. More flowers grew and combined with Levi's flame abilities causing big, bright and dazzling flame flowers to grow around the two of you.

Levi pulled back from your lips and sighed. "Better than I imagined."

You giggled. "Yeah, you're right."

"I think you're my soulmate." He groaned a bit. "Tch, that sounded so cheesy."

You cupped his face and kissed him. "I think we are, soulmates that is."

"I'm glad you feel the same way."

You nibbled your lip and noticed the flowers. "We made flowers together."

He held you close and looked at the flowers you mentioned. "They're...wow...incredible."

[katsu-not-found]

Are there any Dazatsu fics that you can recommend reading? I've tried finding some but not all are really great so I thought a second persons advice might help.

Hi anon! Of course I can but I dont really read recent fics on ao3 so they are probably a bit old but! I'll put author recommendations instead who writes dazatsu and example of the fics I like from them so you can check them out yourself!

First is @looking-for-stray-dogs or planet_b612 on ao3. She is like, the goddess of dazatsu fanfics if you ask me because she captured their characters perfectly in my opinion. I think there's not any dazatsu shippers who dont know her but here is one of the fics I like from them. It has getting back together trope which is rare for dazatsu.

Second is @blchwaaaan with the same username on ao3. They are specialized in writing angst, but their fluff is top tier too. This is one of their dazatsu fluff I like, and this one is the angst one.

Next is @mamichigo though they are currently not actively writing for bsd anymore but it's worth checking them out. Here is one of the ones I like from them.

@ladytective is good too. They are samuela on ao3 and not really active now but still updating their ongoing series that I really look forward to. They write romance with humors but still will make you clench your heart with the fluff and light angst. This is one of my fav!

Their friend treetrunkdaddy also write good dazatsu but I forgot their tumblr (sorry!) but this one is example of their fics.

@datura-foxglove is not an active author anymore too but their dazatsu is worth checking! There are some on their blog but there are some on ao3 too. This one is one of the fics I like.

The rest I'll put my recs to the fic only because I dont know or not sure of their tumblr handle😅😔

In Coming Years by chimesDissent

Take Me Back to The Night We Met by Mushroomfields

thinking till the sun comes up by arrrowiee

a history of me and you (writer AU) by murakamism

The Disqualified by corgo_queen (this one is very angsty but thrilling)

mum's the word by angelofgrief

Damn The Bastard Anyway by galliechan

the little moments in life by eunhami

Late Night Thesis Excuses series by tamarind (this one is really angsty too)

something worth living for by monomoon

Our Love (in a Ball of Yarn) by celestial_sorrow (one of my fav)

Healing Touch by WalkingFadingColors

live for something beautiful by lostdandelion

heat of the moment by anonymous (this one is omegaverse and nsfw so please read the tags with caution)

Mokita by Hinenokubi (atsushi is sick like his IRL counterpart here and yes it's very angst with no happy thing for dazai)

From an empty apartment by Iaka_Linksar

love in a cauldron by sleepyfoxthieves

I think that's all for now? Or this post will be even longer than this akjsjss I'm sorry if you've already read some of these but if not, I hope they are into your tastes. And dont forget you can check on the authors' account if you like their writing. Good luck and happy reading!

[n0v4t33z]

The Syndicate - Chapter 1: Misfortune of a Prodigy

Pairings: Choi San X Female Reader, Park Seonghwa X Female Reader, Ateez X Female Reader, Bangchan X Female Reader

Summary: Y/N is a Detective with a promising future in the police department until she's kidnapped by the infamous mafia boss Choi San and from him, she learns the dark secrets her superior has been hiding the whole time so she teams up with him in order to put a stop to it.

Genre: Lots of angst, Romance, Crime Fiction, Psychological Drama

Word Count: 2.9k

Tags/Warnings: For Mature Audiences, Language, Graphic Violence, Mentions of Illegal activities (i.e Kidnapping, extortion, assassination etc.), y/n gets roughed up by Wooyoung in the beginning , Slow Burn, Fluff sometimes, Work In Progress, Non-Idol AU, Mafia AU, Very suggestive at times, y/n cries alot, y/n having inner turmoil, Ateez being bad boys, Wooyoung and Yeosang are a little mean in this story tbh, Guns, Gunshot wounds, Assassination attempt(s)

I'll update tags as the story progresses

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

Spotify Playlist🎵 | Series Masterlist 📝

Author's Note: Hi guys! This is the very first story that I grew courage to post on here, so please be kind! I would also like to just kind of let you know that this is a work in progress so updates may not be as quick and they will be pretty slow as I am quite busy with work although I'm quite a bit ahead in the story writing wise so in the mean time I have enough chapters to be able to post. I really hope you guys enjoy the story! 💜

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆.

After being called into a crime scene, I finally arrive to my destination and notice a couple of bystanders and a few journalists outside the hotel, I show my police shield to the officer guarding the crime scene and I head inside. I look around and notice the beautiful crystal chandelier on the ceiling and the beautiful marble floor of the lobby. I’m assuming it’s another one of Aurora Syndicate’s rival gang member’s death. I head over to the presidential suite of the hotel and there he was, a man who was around his 50’s bludgeoned to death, judging by his clothes he had a lot of money too. While my mind was focused on the crime scene I feel a hand on my shoulder interrupt my thoughts then I turn and realize it’s my partner Detective Christopher Bang “ Hey, I genuinely thought you weren’t going to come since it’s past the time you get off” He gives me a smug smirk judging from the tone of his voice. I shrug keeping my eyes focused on the victim’s position.

“Well, duty calls. Besides it has to do with AS so you know I’m up for this. So, whose this guy? He looks like he’s loaded" Chris takes out his notepad and hands it to me for me to read “Well, the guy’s name is Shiro Ito judging from his bank cards and identification used to get this room. He was allegedly involved in laundering money for The Aurora Syndicate, my guess he might have been stealing or giving out information which is why they probably killed him.” I slowly nod then I hand Chris his notepad back “Makes sense why they would have killed him, were his records clean?” He nods “Yep, clean as a whistle. The receptionist downstairs told me he was the owner of a few clothing stores which makes sense and is probably how he was able to launder money for so long without being questioned.” I get a little closer to the body and I look at the impact wounds. The wounds looked very deep, something very personal was the reason this man was killed. The suspect is definitely not a female, judging by the severity of the wounds it was definitely a male. I shift my gaze over to the man’s hands whom was holding on to something tightly.

With my gloved hands I pry open the victim’s right hand to reveal a cuff link with a beautiful iridescent stone. My face instantly lights up and I put it in an evidence bag. “Chris, this was not a woman who killed him. Look, a cufflink with an Aurora Borealis stone and it doesn't belong to Mr. Ito, he took it off of the attacker while he was trying to fight him off. If we find who this cufflink belongs to we've got our guy.” Chris’ eyebrows slightly raise while crossing his arms in front of him “Narrowing it down won’t be too hard, I’m positive it’s someone in the AS’ inner circle hence the name of the stone.” I turn and hand it over to a crime scene technician “Put this in evidence please this one is very important.” the technician nods and marks the evidence, I look back over to my partner who was engrossed looking at his notebook and I let out a small yawn “I’m heading home now, I’m exhausted. You mind finishing up here? I'm also almost finished with the police report from the last case so I'll turn it in first thing tomorrow cool?” He nods while he puts away his notepad in his back pocket and looks to me with a small smile “Yeah for sure, see you tomorrow.” I wave goodbye and I head back to my car and drive home for the night.

While I driving home I begin to think about that cuff link. Whose is it? And why was Mr. Ito killed? Hopefully we’re able to get the suspect’s print off of the cuff link but I highly doubt that since it’s probably covered in Mr. Ito’s prints.

When I arrive at my apartment complex, the lights to the parking lot are busted so it was kind of dark but not enough to where I couldn’t make things out. While I carefully get out of my car and I start to walk to my apartment. While I look through my purse to find my house keys I hear the cocking of a gun behind me “Take one more step In that direction and I will kill you.” I jump up and I turn around dropping my purse on the ground. I focus on both figures both dressed in black one was average height with jet black hair framing his face, and a tall one with blonde-brown hair. I raise my hands slightly to show I have nothing in my hand then the tall one removes my gun from my holster. The guy with the black hair grumbles “Mingi hurry up, I have a feeling someone saw us.” The dark haired male grabs me and points a gun to my lower back while his hand covers my mouth and nose with a cloth “If you scream things will get much worse from here, you wanted to be the hero so now’s your chance to take the fall.” Mingi the tall one, walks up to me and injects something into my neck, zip ties my hands and slings me over his shoulders like a rag doll. I have to fight to stay awake. I have to at least see the vehicle. I force my eyes open trying to stay awake whilst trying to free myself from Mingi's strong grip but my eyelids become unbearably heavy and I fall unconscious before I’m able to see the vehicle.

A few hours later, I wake up in a lowly lit room and quickly realize I'm tied up to a chair. Slightly groggy, I look around and see no one was in here. This empty room, is practically a near empty room with a crudely made empty bookcase behind me which looked like it hadn't been cleaned in years along with a mix of bunch of random debris on the ground and dried blood. I sigh then I yell out “Hello?! Let me out of here please!?” After yelling for what seemed like a little while I hear footsteps fast approaching, and soon the door clicks open. It was the dark haired guy who abducted me again. “So you finally woke up, it took you long enough.” He stands in front of me and stares me down all while I look up at him trying to show him I wasn’t scared of him which was an obvious lie considering how I was manhandled earlier so easily. “Why am I here? Who are you?” Completely ignoring my question he reaches over and squeezes my cheeks really hard to the point where I jerk my head back in pain unable to escape his grip “You know, I hate cops. I hate how they try to dig up your business.” I glare at him “Well, maybe you shouldn’t be getting rich off of illegal businesses and death. ” He lets out a mocking laugh and lets go of my cheeks slightly throwing my head back with force that was pretty aggressive “Wow, Detective you’re funny. You know not everyone grew up with the same stupid sense of right and wrong as you right? We do what we can to survive.” I shake my head “No, you and your stupid mafia sheep are just a bunch of idiots who will eventually fall victim to natural selection.” He grabs a fistful of my hair “Oh, we’ll see about that.” He leans in close to my face “I need the rest of the names of the cops who are working on the Ito case, you pigs have something that belongs to San.”

Oh god, is he talking about Choi San? So it was his cufflink, I should have known. I shake my head “No, I won’t tell you anything...” He mutters under his breath “You little- I seriously don’t have patience for you...” he grabs me by the collar of my shirt and punches me in the jaw. A sharp pain shoots through my jaw and the taste of blood fills my mouth, for a few seconds I look at him slightly dazed while I mumble “I’m not telling you.” He shakes me violently pulling me from the rope I'm tied to “Talk! I need those names now!” he pushes me back and I fall on my back and on my arms letting out a pained cry “No! I’m not going to tell you anything!” The male walks over to me and kicks me several times in the stomach causing me to let out pained screams and cough up blood. Slowly I start feeling like I was losing my consciousness again but before it happens he grabs me by the rope I was tied up with again and pulls the chair back up “Hey, are you passing out? Come on, tell me names and It’ll all stop. I promise.” He spits out mockingly. I shake my head while I look at the floor trying to dissociate myself from the situation I’m in. Blood profusely drips from my mouth onto my white collared shirt soaking through the shirt and feeling the dull drops of blood fall onto the fabric. One, two, three..

The dark haired man walks over to the corner of the room and grabs a crop whip and hits me so hard I could hear the whip crack. I let out a cry of pain and suddenly a thin, tall, dark haired man dressed all in black wearing a leather jacket comes in and grabs his shoulder “I think she’s had enough. You can stop hitting her now Wooyoung, she’s not going to talk.” Right after he comes in another man enters the room, he wore a wine colored dress shirt and some fitted dress pants with his dark hair slicked back and black rimmed glasses. It’s Choi San, the current leader of Aurora Syndicate. He looks exactly the way people described him to be. Handsome, cat like eyes with a jawline sharp enough to cut diamonds, and a very intimidating prescence. Wooyoung, slighty nervous knowing he messed up looks over at both guys and says “Seonghwa, San, I tried being nice but she was being so rude I didn’t have a choice.” San looks over at Wooyoung quite irritated and says “Can’t you ever follow orders? We need her alive. I never asked you to do this.” Wooyoung raises both of his hands and nods “Alright, alright fine. I’m sorry. I just thought that because you usually-” San turns to Seonghwa and cuts him off “ Seonghwa, please take her to the infirmary and ask Jongho to clean up Wooyoung’s stupid mess” San then makes his way over to me and kneels down, looks at me for a few seconds and lifts my chin up with his finger to meet his gaze all while wiping the blood off my chin with his thumb “I’ll talk to you later Detective, we have some things I wan to discuss.” he gets up and wipes the blood he wiped off of my chin onto Wooyoung's shirt. Slightly annoyed by this action, Wooyoung scrunches up his face in distaste and follows behind him leaving me alone with Seonghwa.

The man quietly walks over to me and uncuffs me from the chair. “That’s a lot of blood, I hope Wooyoung didn’t do too much damage.” His soft voice had some calming effect to where I was slowly coming back from my dissociation and felt a bit more grounded. He kneels next to me and for a few seconds he lets me recollect myself “Let’s go to the infirmary, hopefully you can get rest there.” Slowly tears well up in my eyes making my vision blurry. He lets out a soft sigh and gently pats my back “It’s okay, don’t cry. I can’t guarantee that nothing will happen to you but I suggest you just listen and answer the questions you’re asked.” I shake my head “No, I’d rather die than throw my whole squad under the bus.” He fixes my disheveled hair and says “I know, but trust me the faster you fess up the faster you’ll be able to leave. Just think about it, please.” He slowly helps me up and picks me bridal style in his arms.

While we head over towards the infirmary I break the silence by saying “Why are you being so nice?” For a few seconds he stays quiet until he finally responds “Well, I believe in treating people with kindness despite whether or not I dislike something about them. For instance, I don’t like the feds but that won’t stop me from being a decent human being.” I look up at him in sheer confusion “But you’re a literal criminal. You steal and kill people for a living.” A small smile appears on his face and he says “Criminal or not i’m still human. Remember, we all have reasons as to why we do things even if sometimes those things aren’t good.” He’s right, even the people on the other side of justice have their reasons for being criminals. Not everyone decides to do it because they want to be evil, most of the time it’s the lack of money, or a cry for help. Everyone is different.

When we finally enter the infirmary it smelled exactly like a hospital, intoxicatingly sterile. Jongho was at his desk on the computer but as soon as he sees me in Seonghwa’s arms he quickly gets up and walks over to us. Seonghwa gently sets me down on the examining table. Jongho looks at me for a brief second in horror then looks over at Seonghwa “What the hell happened? Why does she look like this?” Seonghwa looks at Jongho and says “It was Wooyoung, San got pretty upset about it too.” Jongho looks over at me and glances at the police badge around my neck making a very uncomfortable face and huffs under his breath “That bastard..” He uncomfortably smiles “ Seonghwa, I’ll take it from here thank you.” He nods and walks out the door closing the door behind him. Leaving Jongho and I alone.

Jongho puts on some latex gloves and he grabs his stethoscope from a drawer near his desk. He gently places the chest piece on my chest and does a whole routine check up listening to my breathing and what not, shortly after he finishes he puts his stethoscope around his neck and clears his throat “I listened to your organs and everything sounds fine, no broken ribs which is good. I see that your arms are quite red, so you might get bruises but no broken bones which is good news too. I also see that you coughed up blood but you’ll be okay you’ll just be sore for a couple of days the internal bleeding will heal on its own as it's not severe. I'm going to give you some pain killers, they’ll help for a couple of hours.”

After taking the medicine he proceeds to clean my busted lip “Thank you, but I have a question.” His eyebrows slightly raise “Oh, sure what is it?” I give him a pleading look and I say “Why am I here?” his face grows a little serious and he goes back to cleaning my wound “Oh, well you’re here because San Is looking for a family Heirloom he lost... That heirloom is so important to him because it was a gift from his father and to get it back he decided he was going to hold you for ransom until the police hands it over.” I sit there trying to process everything for a few moments then I respond “Isn’t that a little overboard for a cufflink?” Jongho shrugs “It is, but knowing how San is since he really treasures everything his father gave him. I’m sure he really doesn’t want to replace it and it’s understandable.”

San’s father, Junseo “The Phantom” Choi. He was killed in a shootout last winter at a restaurant he frequented. I look down at my police badge then I look over at Jongho “San could have just asked me to give it to him. It's really that simple.” Jongho shakes his head “I wish it was that easy but it’s complicated, let’s just say that your Captain and San’s family aren’t on great terms so in a way this is payback .This is as much as I can tell you because to begin with I wasn’t even supposed to tell you any of this so please just act like it’s the first time you’ve heard about it when San questions you.” I nod “Of course no worries. By the way thank you for not trying to kill me.” Jongho’s small smile comes back and he says “Of course, none of this is your fault to begin with.” Suddenly a guy with light grey hair that almost looks white comes in and says “Hey, I’m taking her from you San wants to talk to her. Is she clear for interrogation?” I give Jongho a worried look and he gives me a small reassuring smile, helps me get off the examining table and walks me over to the guy at the doorway “Yes Hongjoong, she's clear.”

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆.

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Next Chapter

[lemonsrosesandlavender]

Introduction

Hello, I’m Cabbage! You can find me as Cabbage_Vampire on AO3. My icon is from Eleanor’s KissCrew Maker! This blog is 90% Rolan (and so is my writing!) but I do love discussing the writing process and reblogging all sorts of wonderful BG3 fan art. Please note my writing is explicit, and this blog is 18+ only. Anyway, on to the master list!

Rolan Fics!

Steel Weave Series (Rolan x f! Human Fighter Tav, E Rated, Second Person POV)

Sharp Teeth 41,316 words, Falling in love with Rolan over the course of the game’s events, and annoying the Hells out of each other. That’s amore! (Complete)

Tail and Tongue 2,475 words. Fluff and smut on the Elfsong roof before the Absolute’s defeat. Will eventually get a second chapter. (WIP, 1/2)

Sharess’s Sundries 10,804 words. Working out the kinks (gags, strap-ons and spankings…) with Rolan, as he explores his submissive fantasies and after a non-zero amount of prodding finally tells you (Tav) what he wants. (Complete)

Laced Close 4,569 words. Inspired by all the wonderful Rolan corset art on Tumblr! A trip to Figaro’s results in some kinky tight-lacing and a very flustered Rolan manning the counter at Sorcerous Sundries. (Complete)

Combat Training 7,572 words. Sometimes the only way to get Rolan to talk about his feelings is to pin him down and threaten him with a good time. After a lot of playfighting, of course. (Complete)

Along the Chionthar 2,333 words. A wedding, a honeymoon, and… watersports. Coming in the next chapter: Rolan gets a golden shower. (WIP, 1/2)

Planar Tears (Rolan x OFC (Catrin), E rated, Third Person - Rolan’s POV)

Planar Tears 39, 688 words. Isekai romance about an NHS doctor from our plane dragged into Rolan’s by his use of an overpowered Summon Planar Ally scroll. There’s no other option than to bring Catrin to Baldur’s Gate with them, hoping Lorroakan can send her back - but getting there involves almost insurmountable danger. And as Rolan’s feelings grow, could he ever ask her to stay? (WIP, 14/35)

Fast Times in Faerûn Series (Rolan x OFC (Lennie), E Rated, Third Person, 80s Camp Counsellor AU)

Short Shorts (And Cold Beer) 2,597 words. Lennie has had enough of Rolan’s shirking ways. When she finally confronts him over it, things get a little more heated than expected. (Complete)

Other Stuff!

Sharp Teeth Rolan portrait, commissioned from luinen-bluewater <3

Steel Weave Tav Backstory Bash.

Rolan, Cal and Lia backstory headcanon

Claws Out! (goofy lil Tara & Astarion fluff, there might be more in future if I’m feeling silly)

Rolan NSFW Alphabet

Talk to me!

I love getting tagged in things, and getting asks. If you want to know why I wrote something a certain way, or prompt some Rolan/Tav scenes (SFW or NSFW!), or just want to kick your feet about Rolan together (my number one activity), my ask box is open ✨ or y’know, ask what I had for breakfast. I’ll answer that too lmao.

If you ever do fan art for my characters or fics, I’d love to see it! <3

generally #cabbage writes and #cabbage answers are where the fun stuff lies on this blog! Or #cabbage trash for some filth ;)

And, as always, there’s much more Rolan writing to come.

[boyfhee]

CHANCES AT ROMANCE : jake sim

w. some guy passing comments ; 1.27k

note. i might write more parts and make this jake au thing idk PS IM SORRY IF THIS SUCKS i forgot how to write help

“so, you come here often?” is not the question you expected you hear on a nice monday morning, especially in a voice that belongs to the person you’ve been avoiding actively for five days now. 

“sometimes,” it’s a short response, words that left your mouth unwillingly to save yourself from giving other’s ideas that you’re being rude, or more accurately, in hopes that he would leave once you’ve answered all your questions. 

“guess i have to pay attention now,” he chuckles with a menacing tone, shifting the madrid bar stool he has been sitting on a little closer to yours, arms almost brushing against yours. “don’t want to miss on such a beautiful sight,” 

and, jake has been observing the scene for a while now. 

step by step, his hands busy with preparing the drink while his eyes were fixed upon you or rather, the uninvited stranger sitting next to you, who has been making you uncomfortable since the minute you arrived in the cafe. and, jake can think of two options. 

one, to call the manager, report him on this inappropriate incident and have the guy thrown out as he should, and second, to go out and rescue you himself. his neurons are signalling towards the first choice, telling him to take out his phone and ring the manager because any other sane person would do the same, in order to solve the situation without creating a scene. his mind is diverting towards the first option but his heart is telling him to go with the other, because it’s you, the one who sits two rows in front of him in english lessons, the one who once paid for his lunch because his card kept declining, the one who has been on his mind ever since the day you first came to the cafe. 

“by the way,” jake’s attention goes back to you and the guy next to you. “we share theology,” and his fists clench at the sight of him trying to wrap his arms around you, making you visibly uncomfortable, so much that anyone out there would notice. 

“i don’t think so,” you reply, shifting away from him. 

“of course you don’t, you sit in the front so you wouldn’t know who sits at the back of the class,” and he sounds a little annoyed, maybe it’s because you keep avoiding him, answering in phrases instead of indulging into the conversation as much as him. jake watches you press your lips into a thin line. he doesn’t care that he’s taking too much time to prepare your order. “but i watch you everyday,” 

you push him away, or try to, a slight push that seems to irritate him even more. “uh, you’re too close,” 

“c’mon, you—” 

“i’d appreciate it if you don’t get too close to my girlfriend,” and jake doesn’t care if he even gets to make anyone’s order because at this point, getting the guy out of the cafe is his first priority. god, if only he would punch that asshole’s face, he would. 

“girlfriend?” the annoyance in his voice intoxicates every word that leaves his mouth, a sharp gaze as if they would cut right through everyone present in the room; jake could only laugh at the audacity he has. “hey, is he your boyfriend?” 

“why, do you not believe me?” jake rests his hand upon your shoulder, a gesture that translates the words he has been meaning to say, an action that tells you that you are safe, and you’ll be fine, because jake can handle the situation, and so, you relax under his touch, texting your friend to come pick you up from the cafe. “you can hear it from her if it’ll help you sleep better at night,” 

“you should’ve told me you had a boyfriend,” the guy stands up, half embarrassed, half in rage, and jake might even get in a fight with him by the end of the day judging from the looks he’s giving the boy standing behind you. you sit there frozen, afraid that things would escalate to something much bigger, but jake’s grip fastens around your shoulder and yet still ever so gentle that maybe, it’s the reason why you feel at ease as every second passes. 

“i told you to leave me alone. boyfriend or not, no means no,” you speak up, hoping what happened today won’t repeat itself. “and yes, he is my boyfriend,” hoping that he wouldn’t show up in front of you now that you’re calling him your boyfriend and playing right into his games. 

and jake doesn’t waste another minute with your order, immediately getting back to his job while making sure to tend back to you once again. it would be a lie to say you haven’t been coming to the cafe for him, though it wouldn’t be a complete truth either. a part of the reason was the menu that suits your exact taste, and another part would be jake, who fits your taste in men as well, to put it simply. 

you met jake at orientation lecture before your classes started officially. well, you saw him sitting in front of you with his friends, not that you know their names but you think you will once you get closer to jake. the second time you saw jake was in your english lecture and it felt as if suddenly, you were at the line between staying afloat and drowning in your ocean-deep thoughts. although jake sat behind you, you could feel yourself getting conscious about everything you did to not come off as someone weird and crazy, and you almost had your chances at asking him to come to a science museum with you before the whole ordeal with your so-called ‘admirer’ happened. 

having him as your fake boyfriend on a nice monday morning is not what you expected, but it’s not an all-bad start after all. 

“i’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable,” he walks back to the counter, standing in front of you with your order in his hands while proceeding to handle the receipt and other formalities, and it would make him really embarrassed if you got even a slight idea that he’s doing meaningless things just to buy more time with you.  

“thank you,” you mutter. 

he puts his hands on the table, leaning over it before looking right into your eyes, and it’s surprising how you weren’t aware that his looks were this captivating. “does that happen everyday?” 

there’s a slight hint of concern in his words, as if he’s not asking the question just for the sake of it, or just to create a good impression, because if he had known, jake would’ve already pretended to be your boyfriend and make sure the situation didn’t drag you along with it for days or more. “for the past few weeks, yeah,” 

“your drink,” a faint gratitude falls off your lips, eyes falling upon the receipt to see his number scribbled in his messy handwriting right above the order details. and this wasn’t how you were expecting to get his number but again, you don’t have complaints. “call me if he shows up again,”

“yeah,” your lips curl into a smile, with his’ mirroring your actions, waving you a small goodbye as you stand up, grabbing your bag and drink. you stuff the receipt in the pocket of your jacket, ready to leave with something blossoming inside of your heart, perhaps the feelings that you’ve been trying to suppress until the right time comes; and now that it’s here, maybe it’s time for you to take your chances at romance. “see you around, jake,” 

[di-42]

So, I thought I had a, however slight, preference for season 3 fics but this month I've not read a single season 3 fic. I started a couple but found that I wasn't in the right mood and I'm keeping them for later. I guess there are phases in life and I must be going through a phase where I need to read things that put a smile on my face and certainty in my heart. I'm in need of fun and trust. I'm in need of comfort and familiarity. And where to better find all those feelings than in the outstanding creativity of the Good Omens fandom?

April's amazing fiction

WIPs:

My Heart Was Always Yours by AddledMongoose.

It's a slightly alternative universe where Aziraphale and Crowley have somehow never met each other until the present day and each thinks the other is a human.

Each of them has been tasked by their respective head offices to retrieve Raphael's trumpet and each of them wants to find and destroy it. The trumpet will be sold on earth at an illegal auction and in order to gain entry to the auction they have to pretend to be married.

This fiction has it all, characters' personalities are spot on, humour, wit, dynamic, romance, everything.

At the beginning you might feel slightly put off by the first person narrative but give it a couple of chapters and it will flow.

You won't regret it!

We have got to that point in the story where the plot is really interesting! This fiction gets better and better! Rated M

The Escort by VinyamaDN

Human AU where Crowley is an escort and meets Azirapahle via his job. This fiction has a deep level of introspection, it can go from very angsty to very funny in a matter of two lines and it's a wonderful journey! Rated E

Whickber Street by Caedmon

Human AU set, yes you guessed it, in Whickber Street. Aziraphale owns a bookshop in Soho and Crowley opens a new comic book and geek shop a few doors down the road. Honestly, how dare he?

Absolutely lovely from-one-sided-enmity-to-(it's-a-WIP-so-we-can't-know-for-sure-but-come-on!)-lovers story! All our favourite side characters are there and everybody's best friends who we've never met in real life Fergus and Ella!

If you're in need of a smile, go and read it! Rated E

Complete works:

Drop By Drop by green_grin.

Alternative universe fiction in which human Aziraphale discovers and accidentally activates some sigils on his bookshop's wall. He meets and gets to know the demon Crowley who can't leave the plane of hell.

This one is angsty, with mentions of depression and self harm but it does have a happy ending. Rated E.

Mon Horrible Chéri by ghostrat.

I do have a soft spot for enemies-to-lovers AU. This one doesn't disappoint one bit. Crowley and Aziraphale teach science and literature in the same high school and they hate each other (aw... how cute are they when they hate each other whilst being attracted to each other?). When Beelzebub is injured just before the school trip to Paris, Aziraphale has to step in to replace them. When he agreed he didn't know that the other teacher accompanying the children was Crowley. Everything you're looking for in a sweet, funny, romantic enemies to lovers fiction ensues. Highly, highly recommended. Rated E.

Warmth by Dannye Chase (HolyCatsAndRabbits), HolyCatsAndRabbits.

Human AU where Aziraphale lives in a small town and one day a mysterious and very handsome man pays a visit to the library where he works. The two men become friends but Aziraphale knows that friendship is all he can hope for. Or is it?

A little angst with a happy ending. Really sweet and heartwarming. Rated E.

Waking Up Slow by the_moonmoth.

Excluding my favourite WIP, this is the best fiction I've read this month. Human AU set in lockdown... in a cottage... aawww. Aziraphale knocks a stranger apparently unconscious and gives him CPR. Only after does he remember he has been exposed to covid. Funny, witty, sweet, hot, this fiction has it all. Rated E.

Series:

Stories To Brighten Up Your Day by HotCrossPigeon.

If you need some lighthearted, incredibly funny and extremely sweet read, this series will do what it says in the title. Your day will brighten up and you'll have a big smile on your face. If you need something to cheer you up, that's for you. Rated Teen and up.

One shots:

Ars Daemonium by ObligateWeirdo.

Crowley is in a grumpy mood. We learn why through his conversation with Aziraphale. This lovely piece gives us hints at how being an immortal being stationed on earth must feel like sometimes. Rated Teen and up.

My own little one shot:

In Vino Ludus

It's the year 2030. Crowley comes to the bookshop drunk. An as of yet canon divergent fluffy night in the life of an angel and a demon. I was struggling with a chapter for a longer fiction and needed a lighthearted, fluff-filled, angst-free break. Rated E

[bengiyo]

Our Skyy 2 x The Eclipse Ep 2 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

Yesterday, we returned to The Eclipse and saw our student prefect boys and their boyfriends. We got to enjoy Akk and Ayan’s honeymoon camping trip before returning to the world and stumbling over some of their fundamental differences. Kan and Thua are being cute, but Thua would much prefer they engage in activities GMMTV is not brave enough to show. We all got to lament that Akk and Kan are still fantasizing about their boyfriends rather than engaging with them directly about what they want from each other. Wat is that film friend who definitely made a watch list for Akk that included Brokeback Mountain (and which I hope includes Big Eden (2000)). Namo is here, proving that Pawin was the primary scheduling conflict for Our Skyy 2.

On the political front, Golf continued to explore the ideas of the private and the public, and how these two impact each other. We also got to appreciate Golf’s deep love for Thai cinema itself. Finally, Golf continues to voice their frustration for what we might call keyboard warriors.

I’m having a great time, despite my need to voice my own issues with how we talk about these shows earlier.

I can’t listen to this intro anymore. I’m skipping it for the rest of Our Skyy 2.

I don’t want to get flagged, so I’m just gonna say I noticed how flexible Khaotun’s back is.

These two are so fun when they’re being sweet with each other. I hope Akk gets better at telling Ayan that’s what he likes best.

Love Wat and Namo teasing all of them. Ayan’s satisfied smirk at Kan and Thua spending the night together was priceless.

I love how meta Golf can be sometimes. “They’re talking about caring too much about others versus caring only about themselves…but it’s still the same story as before.” Also, Pawin is available. Please hire him.

Khaotun and First are so incredibly expressive, and you can feel how easily the emotions flow between them. You can see Akk and Ayan choosing each other even as they don’t know how to get past this fundamental disagreement they’re having.

“I think people hate or are afraid of something because they don’t really understand it.” “We’re so happy to be a part of your stupid dream.” GOLF IS COMING FOR NECKS!

Love seeing gay people on bicycles.

I’m enjoying the way these two kiss. It’s been satisfying. First and Khaotung follow through on the physicality between their characters after the lips stop touching so you know how they’re feeling.

I kinda like this brown outfit they put Thua in.

I feel like the others maybe know that Ayan has a surprise planned for Akk?

Akk, baby boy, it’s okay for you to tell your boyfriend that you want him around on your special day. So sad that it’ll be years before he stops putting everyone before himself.

Namo said You Can’t Text Message Breakup.

I’m sorry, but there should not be this much discussion at the urinal. Also, don’t touch your friend after using the urinal.

I love that Golf always cameos in their work.

There’s a kid from Niyomsil school here? I now need to investigate the history of Golf’s friendship with Au.

Okay, I cried a bit at Wat’s stunned reaction to winning an award.

I love film festivals so much!!

First is a great crier, but I still don’t like the birthday surprise trope.

Oh good. The friends knew about the surprise.

Sani smiling fondly at the boys also was an excellent choice.

I continue to love the text-level messaging in this show. You have to keep going even if you don’t know if there’s light at the end of the tunnel because you’ve done it before. You can do it again. You will do it again. That felt so honest from Kan.

I like how far along Kan and Thua have come, and I hope Thua gets the relationship he wants from Kan.

I have a lot of hopes for Akk and Ayan. They’re going to deal with long-distance romance and the continued difficulties of their perspectives, but the bond between them feels real.

They really gave us a shower scene and a domestic montage. We eatin’ good today.

Oh, I enjoyed that final “I love you” bed scene into a very suggestive removal of a shirt makeout and purposeful thigh grab. Very excited to see what First and Khaotung deliver in Only Friends.

Vice Versa next week with a secret baby trope. So…I guess that’s happening.

Final Verdict: 9, Recommended. I continued to enjoy what Golf was doing with this cast and characters. I loved how imperfect everyone felt here, but the desire to be more together lands clearly for me. Khaotung and First continue to be two of my favorite GMMTV actors, and I like how well they work together. I’m going to miss seeing Neo and Louis together, but I hope they keep up the good work this year. If you enjoyed The Eclipse, I think you’ll be satisfied by this special.

[daceydeath]

Hierarchy (Part 8)

Heirachy: a system, especially in a society or organization, in which people are organized into different levels of importance from highest to lowest.

Pairings: Mafia Changbin x Reader Word Count: 4.8K Genre: Mafia AU, friends to lovers, slow burn romance Warnings: 18+, minors dni, swearing (too much), verbal threats, gun violence, blood, gore, mentions of murder, sexual activity

You have always been utterly uninteresting, safely boring as close. You had a normal job, normal friends and the sweetest bestie on the planet but now everything is upside down and that best friend of yours is far more dangerous than you could have ever imagined.

You had been laying on the bed doom scrolling through your socials trying to make yourself bored enough to sleep when you were interrupted by a knock on your door was soft so you figured it must have been Felix or Changbin so you had no issue just yelling out to them to come in which only ended in Binnie smirking as he strolled into the room.

"Hey doll, I was wondering where they put you?" he smiled cheekily

"Yeah Han thought I should have my own room, which was surprisingly sweet of him" you sighed rolling onto your back to sit up.

"What can I say they are all smitten with you" He grinned noticing how it made you look a little panicked.

"No they aren't you dolt" you threw back at him sitting in the middle of the bed looking up at him as he kept smiling while taking a seat on the end of the bed.

"I need to talk to you about you wanting to go back to work" his smile faulted a bit changing into more of a grimace.

"Oh is that because I called Director Kim so the others could hear his voice?" you asked tilting your head to the side.

"Sort of, it's also a really good way of ending this whole situation if you are up for it" Binnie started slowly gauging your reaction to his words.

"Binnie" you whispered feeling suddenly fearful of what this would entail.

"We will keep you safe, we have a man inside already but we can get a few more in over the next day or two, I'll come and pick you up and drop you off and I'll take you for lunch so you are with me at anytime you aren't working and we have the live feed from your office so Jeongin will monitor that too" His voice was soothing your fears but they still prickled at the edges of you mind which you could see he could see written on your face. Moving so he could pull you from where you were sitting into him he laid you both down holding you close and stroking your back.

"I will always keep you safe, they would have to kill me to keep me from you, you know that don't you?" he murmured still holding you to him.

"I know but I hate that you say it like that, I don't want to think about you not being here" you breathed softly.

"I know baby but if anything did happen the others would take care of you Felix, Han, Chan they would all make sure you are looked after" He continued tracing patterns over the top of your sleep shirt making you relax against him.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" you murmured softly feeling yourself relax with his comforting touch.

"Always baby" he whispered into your hair kissing the top of your head before putting his fingers under your chin to make you look at him. He lent in softly pressing his lips to yours slowly giving you time to back out and when you didn't he deepened it his plush lips feeling far too warm and soft gliding against yours. Pulling away far too soon for your liking he let go of you to quickly strip down to his boxers and shirt climbing back in beside you to cuddle you until you went to sleep. Waking up in Binnie's arms was probably the best way you had ever woken up his chest pressed completely against your back and your legs tangled together, making you realize that Felix was right you did love him enough to know you wanted to at least try to make him happy and give him what he had longed for in the hopes that somewhere in the near future you might just fall in love with him the way he deserved. You hoped you could, you didn't want to lose him and even though he had sworn black and blue you wouldn't it would be painful for him and you didn't want to do that to him, he deserved the world.

"Pretty baby, why are you thinking so loudly" he groaned splaying his hand across your rib cage and squeezing you.

"How can you think loudly?" you were puzzled but he was obviously awake either way.

"You tense when you think too much baby, I can feel it" he sighed deeply nuzzling his head into the back of your neck and leaving feather light kisses on your skin.

"Well you're cute when you're waking up" you teased pouting that he could tell so many things about you effortlessly.

"Say that again baby" he smiled into your skin.

"What? you're cute? surely you know that you are so cute Binnie" you sighed his hands gently stroking the skin of your side from where your shirt had ridden up in your sleep.

"I like hearing you say it" he admitted softly inching his hands further under your shirt. Pulling out of his grip you rolled over to face him seeing him pouting at the loss of contact with your skin.

"Binnie, you're cute and handsome and hot" you whispered cupping his face in your hands.

"Am I?" he grinned taking your hand and kissing your palm.

"You are so handsome, and you might be the hottest man I have ever met" you purred happy to stroke his ego a little if it made him look at you the way his was. Pulling you closer to him again he pressed a soft kiss to your lips then pressed his forehead against yours.

"I love you" he breathed against your lips making your eyes widen "You don't have to say it back, I just need you to know"

"Bin.." you started trying to form words but he cut you off with another sweet kiss his hand roaming down your side to your bum to give it a cheeky squeeze making you bite your lip.

"We need to get up baby, there is a lot of planning to do" he smiled again letting go of you and sliding out of the bed.

"Did I do something wrong Binnie?" you almost whimpered watching him pulling the pants he was wearing last night back on.

"No doll, I just thought maybe I shouldn't rush you like I did before. I want you to be sure not just caught up in emotions or heat of the moment stuff" he answered you honestly leaning over you to press a kiss to your cheek before leaving you still sitting in the bed feeling confused and conflicted. Changbin made his way down to the vault from your room knowing that both Han and Hyunjin had suggested that he be there for the first part of Chan's plan, he didn't particularly like executions, he didn't particularly like killing but it was always easier if it happened in a them or me situation he found it easier to reconcile protecting his crew or himself than just killing at will. But these executions were about you, any death that came about during this was for your safety, your life instead of theirs.

"Big guy! you're down early" Han grinned prepping the gear they would need for the job.

"Yeah we thought it would be way later that you would be down" Hyunjin agreed nonchalantly "but just means we can set off sooner"

"We may as well get it all over and done with as soon as possible we got other shit to deal with" he shrugged grabbing the first bag that Han had finished packing to take to the van.

"You two alright?" Han blurted suddenly making him turn to the younger man.

"Yes, why?" he narrowed his eyes a little expecting Han to drop some stupid comment.

"Well you were all over her, claiming her in front of us, telling you love her before fucking her stupid and now she has her own room and you're all casual about it" Han continued making him sigh and begin chewing his lip to figure out how to explain it.

"I probably pushed her too far too fast, she was probably too emotional and I was angry and it all just happened. She didn't make any decisions she just went with the flow, she needs time to think and Felix and you were right" he sighed again feeling both guilty for not realizing it earlier and relieved that he had finally clued in.

"So...she isn't your girlfriend? She's just another toy?" Hyunjin frowned "If you have changed your mind after all the whinging we had to put up with, I swear I will shoot you"

"Oh she is still mine" he cut in looking Hyunjin in the eye "and I will break your pretty face if you touch her".

You stayed in bed for so long Felix came looking for you to see what was wrong, he knocked softly before wandering in finding you curled up in the middle of the bed deep in thought.

"What's up bubs?" he frowned noticing that you were still not dressed or washed up.

"Felix" you whispered sadly "I think I fucked up" your whole façade crumbled then as you felt like you were struggling to stop the tears from coming making him wrap himself around you.

"Oh that isn't possible bub, Bin is so in love with you, you could do zero wrong in his eyes" he soothed rocking you gently to calm you "I just need you to breathe slowly for me ok, I'm here and it's going to be ok" he whispered into your hair.

"Did he just want to have sex with me and this is his way of saying he got what he wanted from me?" you whimpered.

"Of course not he's in love with you bubs, he wants to be with you, marry you and make stupidly cute babies with you" Felix coaxed you gently to look him in the face.

"He went from wanting me like I was the air he needed to breath to last night was how it has always been except for a few kisses" you explained pouting "Did I give it all away too quick and now he's changed his mind"

"Nope. Nope. Nope we are getting you in the shower, you are going to wash your hair and wash all this sadness away and then we are going downstairs and Mrs Choi is going to make the fluffiest fucking pancakes you have ever seen. Got it!" He argued seriously pulling you off the bed and pulling your shirt up and over your head.

"Felix!" you gaped as he chucked it on the floor.

"Get in the shower now" he chuckled pushing you towards the bathroom door as you continued to gape like a fish. "I'll meet you in the kitchen.

When he finally got back to the company with the others, cleaned up and went to meet with Chan everyone was surprised to see Felix and you missing.

"Did everything go well?" Chan sighed sipping his drink expectantly.

"Yeah, easy run of the mill, exactly to plan" Han babbled flopping down on the couch beside Minho.

"What's happening here?" Hyunjin queried looking between them.

"We have sorted out how we want it to go when she goes back to work tomorrow, Seungmin has three guys in place in security and as interns so she will not be alone in the building, Jeongin has the security feed up and running which will keep us in a real time loop" Chan explained easily.

"Sure but where's Lix?" he asked looking to Chan for an explanation as to why the meeting was going on without Felix because he had made it pretty clear to all of them if he wasn't there Felix was to be the go to for your care and safety.

"In the vault helping you girl pick out a handgun" Minho smirked knowing that it would wind both Han and Hyunjin up.

"What she shouldn't be picking one with him" Han yelped turning to Hyunjin.

"True we should probably be the ones helping with that since I'll be the one teaching her" Hyunjin sighed.

"You?! I'm teaching our princess to shoot thank you very fucking much!" Han shouted already making his way for the door not noticing the snickering behind him.

"Didn't she already threaten to shoot you though?" Jeongin called out as he disappeared out the door leaving Minho chuckling.

You and Felix had been in the kitchen grabbing some snacks since it was still early and you knew Binnie and the others would be hungry when they got back. Carrying an arm full of snack you saw Han running through the entry hall grumbling about something as so made your way back to the rest of the guys.

"What happened to Hannie?" you asked trying not to laugh as you saw them all smirking or grinning.

"Told him you were picking out a gun to learn to shoot with" Minho chuckled "He wants to be the one to teach you apparently" you smiled and sat yourself back down beside Binnie waiting for Chan to restart the meeting.

"You know you have made yourself another friend for life in our resident psycho" Minho laughed knowing Han would be back soon and probably sulky about being picked on. Minho was of course right only five minutes later he stalked back into the room pouting like a kicked puppy.

"Now you're back we will go over everything else we need to cover and then if everyone is happy we will go ahead" Chan spoke instantly cutting Han off from his impending whining. "You are going back into your office tomorrow little one and we need to make sure you understand what will be going on around you to keep you safe"

"Alright" you tried smiling but your nerves made it look closer to a grimace which made Binne pull you into his lap sitting you across his legs so you could still see everyone as they spoke to you, and wrap his arms tightly around your waist one hand resting on your inner thigh.

"To start off Changbin is going to take you to work he will drive you to the main entrance so you only have to walk into the building, in the lobby we have one guy who is working security that Seungmin has planted so he will be there if you need help" Chan spoke to you slowly giving you room to ask questions in between each step "Once you are at your office we have two of Seungmin's guys as interns who again will be there for you at a moments notice"

"How will I know which ones are your people?" you interrupted carefully.

"I can show you their files if you like so you know what they look like" Seungmin offered a reassuring smile on his face as he opened a few files on his laptop before turning it to face you

"Thank you, I'd be less nervous if I knew who was going to help me if I need it" you looked at the three pictures he brought up studying them closely "They look so young" you mused.

"They are but they are capable and trustworthy I promise kitten" Seungmin continued to try to keep you assured that you would be safe.

"I know, I trust you" you nodded still looking at the pictures not noticing the soft looks that flitted between the boys at your words.

"Bin will also come and meet you for lunch and then he will pick you up after work out the front too, Felix has the security CCTV still open to us so he will monitor everything that is happening inside the office around you and also the comings and goings from the lobby" Chan finished watching you slowly.

"What happens if I need help and no one is around?" you mumble not wanting to sound ungrateful that they are doing so much for you.

"Then you just call us little one, Changbin has saved all our contacts in there hopefully in a way that you will recognize and we will be there as soon as we can, we will be in contact with all our guys inside so if they notice anything we will know straight away" Chan explained.

"When did you save the numbers in my phone?" you titled your head towards Binnie waiting for you answer.

"When you were asleep" he shrugged moving you with his movement. You took your phone out of your pocket and opened your contacts scrolling until you found one you found funny.

"Who is Kitty?" you giggled.

"Who calls you kitten baby?" Changbin grinned watching the realization hit the guys.

"Minho calls me kitten and so does Seungmin" you blinked.

"Well there is your answer" he chuckled against your ear why don't you try to figure them all out and I'll tell you if you have done it.

"hmm...Well Kitty must be Minho since he called me that first, Princess and Psycho are going to be Hyunjin and Han" you mused ignoring the look of betrayal that crossed Han's face as he glared at Changbin.

"What others do you have?" chuckled Minho enjoying that the others must have even stupider monikers.

"Snoopy? Secret Agent Man? and who the hell is Short King?" you burst into laughter which made Felix almost burst with joy considering how down you had been that morning.

"Just guess baby, no one will get mad at you for it" Binnie ran his hand along your thigh making you shiver under his touch.

"Well you said Seungmin infiltrates so he's Secret Agent Man which would make Jeongin Snoopy and Chan Short King? and why are you under 'LOML'? what is a loml?" you continued giggling.

"I am wasted on you" Binnie groaned teasingly kissing your temple affectionately.

"Can we get back on fucking track now?" Chan sighed exasperatedly pinching the bridge of his nose at the snickering that was already being directed at him.

"Sorry Chan" you mumbled looking at him sheepishly.

"Right so if you can't find one of the guys on site you call us and we will be there, but you need to follow a couple of things just to make sure everything runs smoothly. Don't drink or eat anything that the director gives you, don't go into any of the stairwells or places you could be ambushed without CCTV and please don't go anywhere outside of your building alone" Chan reiterated the basics to you to make sure you fully understood.

"I can do all those things" you assured him smiling weakly nerves still sitting in your stomach like lead.

"Alright everyone back to any other shit we need to get done so the money keeps coming" Chan smirked as the guys around you all got up and wandered either to different areas of the room or left all together.

"You want to go back to your room? or do you want to wander around outside?" Binnie whispered into your ear.

"Outside please" you whispered back as he helped you to your feet taking your hand tightly in his and leading you out towards the grounds.

It was still early so the sun was warm and the breeze pleasant as you wandered hand in hand with Changbin, it was something so simple but still felt like it could be a first date like a lazy walk in the park when you first felt that thrill of being close to someone. You couldn't help the silly smile that formed on your lips.

"What is making you so happy baby? me? the sunshine? me?" he teased pulling you closer so he could wrap his arm around you instead of holding your hand. You moved even closer to him not minding the way the holster he wore dug into you when you did, you had got used to seeing them wander around in them in the time that you had been there but it was only a day or so ago that they started actually carrying around you.

"This is so nice, it sounds dumb saying it out loud but its almost like one of those dates you seen in a movie" you admitted feeling your face grow hot.

"When this is over I will take you on every kind of date you want" he ginned knowing he would be able to make every single one special for you.

"Will we be able to do that?" you mused "Won't I just always be a target since I'm your weak point?"

"No fucking way baby, you are my strength, anyone messes with you and I will burn their world to the ground" he smirked knowing that you always felt a bit safer when he was obviously protective of you.

"Bin" you breathed out slowly "You can't say things like that, it's not fair" you smiled softly at him as he led you further into the garden.

"Oh isn't it?" he continued laughing quietly "Have you seen the big arse hedge maze we have behind the pool?" he suddenly added making you scrunch your eyebrows in confusion.

"Why on earth would you guys have a hedge maze?" you chuckled.

"It came with the house and the gardener needs something to do with his time so we kept the it and all the gardens further back, we couldn't just fire him he's old" Bin explained like it was the simplest thing in the world. "Besides I reckon getting lost in the maze can be our first proper date" he finished blushing slightly making you smile brightly at his idea.

The maze was actually far more impressive than you thought it would be eight foot tall walls of beautifully manicured leaves and small beds of rose bushes in reds, white and pinks at each intersecting point, you could have easily spent hours wandering around finding all the statues, nooks and small gazebos that littered the maze but Changbin seemed to have a plan as he subtly guided towards a destination. It seemed he was leading you to a small patch of lush grass with a pretty archway covered in white wisteria , it looked like it fell out of a fairy tale all the green and white and beautiful.

"It's so beautiful" you whispered in awe looking around you.

"I thought you would like it, we can just have time for us without any of the others, without any dramas" he murmured softly pulling you into his arms and holding you tightly against his chest.

"Does this fit into the not rushing things?" you whispered closing your eyes and enjoying the way his arms felt around you.

"I didn't mean to make you insecure when I said that baby, I just don't want to take advantage of you, of this" He continued to murmurer kissing the top of your head.

"You aren't taking advantage of me, if I didn't want to do something I would have told you, you aren't really pushing anything I haven't already fantasized about" you admitted lifting your head from where you had buried it in his shoulder to look at him.

"You mean that?" he asked looking genuinely surprised at your words.

"That I would tell you no? or that I have fantasized about you?" you teased already knowing which he meant.

"Doll" he sighed smiling at you.

"I have thought about what it would be like to kiss you, have you hold me, have you fuck me I just thought you would never want me that way" you told him truthfully, his eyes darkened as he continued to stare at you as you toyed with the leather straps on his shoulder to try to keep your calm.

"Well now you know how wrong you were baby" he smirked tilting your head back to kiss you heatedly, his plush lips gliding perfectly against you own as you kissed him in return, he pulled away from you softly leading you to sit beside him on the grass. Laying back you smiled serenely up at him before turning your attention to the clouds above you both.

"This is all a bit like a dream isn't it? I keep thinking I'll wake up and it will all be just a very lucid dream" you exhaled watching the fluffy white blobs float slowly past you.

"Did you want me to pinch you doll?" he chuckled quietly eyes roaming you as you laid beside him.

"Why are the others alone? I mean you say it's because you can't trust people but you could easily lie to them until you knew they were going to be able to handle it" your question wasn't meant to sound judgmental and you hoped he wouldn't take it that way.

"I guess because it's a lot of work, not all of us actually can be bothered, I mean Chan, Lix and Minho would really love having someone to hold onto when stuff if shitty but then Jeongin and Seungmin are perfectly happy not having attachments and Han and Hyunjin fall somewhere in between" Bin unhurriedly mused looking laying himself beside you propped up on his elbow "I guess because I have always wanted you to be mine I never really thought how hard or how unwanted relationships in this life can be"

"So are you sure you want to make your life that much harder then? Are you sure you want to give up the freedom of no attachments, no weak spots that could be exploited for me?" you probed faintly.

"You make my life worthwhile doll, always have, always will so if you are worried this is going to be a hit and run it's not, you're not" he stated simply shifting himself so he was now hovering over you his arms either side of your head caging you in, your legs automatically falling open to allow him to kneel between them. Leisurely he lowered himself to you capturing your lips again another meaningful kiss but this time you could feel the need rolling off him, winding your arms around his neck you pulled him closer to you weaving your fingers into his hair.

"Please Binne" you whined against his lips feeling slightly ashamed of how quick and easy it was for him to make you want him.

"Please what baby? you want me to take you right here in the garden where anyone could find us?" he chuckled darkly pressing himself against your crotch making your breath hitch.

"We could go inside" you mumbled feeling your skin catch fire as your shame as seeming so eager for him and the excitement of having him mixed together in your gut.

"Nah, I'm having you now" he whispered in your ear biting your earlobe softly then kissing his way down your neck. You arched against him to give him more access to your skin as he made his way to the buttons on your shirt kissing and sucking each part of your skin he exposed to the light until his phone began ringing and his attention had to leave you.

"Yeah?" he grumbled glaring at whoever was on the other end "yeah, yeah we will be right in" he rubbed his face before looking back to you with apologetic eyes.

"It's alright Binnie, I understand" you smiled finding it amusing how annoyed he looked getting cock blocked by his crew.

"We will definitely return to this later though baby" he grinned as he pulled you upright and you fixed the buttons he had undone and smoothed your hair.

"Who was that anyway?" you chirped taking his hand and letting him once again for him to lead you back inside.

"Your little Lixie" he sighed adjusting himself in his pants knowing that him having you would have to wait.

"Bin there is something I should tell you" you swallowed hard knowing you probably should have brought this up sooner, biting your lip you waited for him to look at you.

"What baby, you know we have no secrets now" his smiled dropped as he saw you looking very nervous and bottom lip between your teeth and eyes wide.

"If one of the guys touched you I swear I'll beat the shit out of them" he spat the venom on his words enough to make you step back.

"That first night when you yelled at me and I stayed in Felix's room well I kissed him" you blurted watching him get angry "I didn't know how you felt about me and I never thought I would have a chance with you" you continued trying not to cry as he looked at you with contempt although you could see his own tears pooling in the corner of his eyes.

"So Felix turned you down and I'm just the fucking rebound?" he snarled at you stepping so close you could feel his breath fanning against your skin "Just a cock to use to get over his?".

"No Binnie, I was just so hurt and scared I needed someone with me and it was Felix that happened to be there" you whispered losing the battle against the tears misting in your eyes. His eyes turned hard and the emotion left his face as he turned away from you stalking back to the house leaving you shaking as you sat back on the grass that moments ago had witnessed his passion for you. You pulled your phone out at hoping to give him at least some warning.

"Lix" you whimpered as he picked up "I told Bin he's so angry" was all you managed to explain before you could hear all hell brake lose.

A/N: Ok this took me way too long and I can only apologize but thank you for being patient with me. As always and reblogs, likes or comments are truly appreciated and you guys are just the best xx

Taglist (open): @christopher-bangnaldoskzz,  @3sriracha, @deakyspuff, @symptoms-of-moonlight, @yoonguurt, @shownus-bebe, @ateexyz, @oiphoebe, @leanimal90, @armystay89,@tangerminie, @septicrebel, @damnyouficc,

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (5-11 May 2024)

another absolutely unhinged episode from this crew. i love them all so much.

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

🙂 Lessons in Exposing a Deadly Alias (Cambridge Fellows Mysteries) (Charlie Cochrane) - this series is now the equivalent of watching criminal minds or some other long-running procedural: it's certainly not for the plot/mystery but for the characters who are family. I do love that as the series has gone on their friends & family have taken on a more active role in the investigations. that said, I think I might be done with this series; it took me forever to get thru this bc I wasn't remotely motivated to get back to it.

🥰 No One Likes Us But We Don't Care (Rainne) - 45K, modern Steve/prewar Bucky - an accidental interdimensional swap drops a 1940s Bucky into the present - he & Steve figure out what that means for them (3rd in a series)

😍 Spectred Isle (Green Men #1) (KJ Charles, author; Ruairi Carter, narrator) - [reread] very old world supernatural shenanigans in 1920s England - truly sad that there won't be any more in this universe because it's sooooo good and so rich but forever grateful we at least got this marvelous (and complete) story

🥰 it's good to see you back in a bar band, baby (LiarsandThieves22) - 139K, Steddie modern musician AU - absolutely adored this! enemies-to-friends-to lovers speedrun, understandable & character appropriate mutual pining, fantastic supporting characterizations - it had it all!

😍 You Should Be So Lucky (Cat Sebastian, author; Joel Leslie, narrator) - baseball player Eddie & newspaper writer Mark are both dealing with some devastating life events. They find each other and some solace and healing. This book, like We Could Be So Good, is absolutely incredible. It knocked my socks off and healed my heart. It almost made me like baseball! I'm just going to quote from a review written by kiki124 in the Romance Salon server because she is great with words and captured it exactly: "I was just blown away by the writing and the ways Sebastian drew these two utterly believable and interesting characters, plus all the side characters, plus the literary notes, plus the queer history plus the New York history. I think that what I love the best about these books is that the story doesn't end when the characters fall in love--there's a whole second half of the book to come as the relationship has room to breathe and grow and work out kinks. Literally everyone who has a heart and a brain should read these books."

💖💖 +115K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

the Steve Rogers problem (relenafanel) - MCU: stucky AU, 36K - "Bucky doesn't consider his Steve Rogers problem as a problem so much as the solution he hadn't realized he was hoping for to help him through the transition from the Bucky Barnes he'd been before his accident to the new, shiny version of himself. No, the problem isn't with Captain America and The Howling Commandos fandom. The problem is the amount of porn Bucky managed to write and draw about Captain America before finding out that he's less than one degree of separation away from Steve Rogers. 'Less than' as in he's sitting across the table from him."

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Is It Cake? - s2, e4-5

Girls5eva - s1, e1

QI - series U, e4-8

Beyond Paradise - s2, e4-6

Game Changer - s6, e8

Strange Way of Life (2023)

Um, Actually - s6, e6

The Brokenwood Mysteries - s10, e2

Smartypants - s1, e2

D20: Fantasy High: Junior Year - "Rock The Boat" (s21, e18)

D20: Adventuring Party - "Blimey" (s16, e18)

Doctor Who - series 14, e1-2

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

Re: Dracula - May 5: The Dead Travel Fast

Wiser Than Me - Julia Gets Wise with Patti Smith

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Sans-Souci Palace

Wait Wait… Don't Tell Me! BONUS - The animal that terrifies Peter, and other 'Wild Card' topics

Re: Dracula - May 7: Stranger in a Strange Land

Short Wave - 'Stealing The Past': A Spat Between Twins Leads To A Theory Of Disputed Memories

Re: Dracula - May 8: Foul Bauble of Man's Vanity

Vibe Check - Oh, How We Have Fallen From Taste

Re: Dracula - May 9: Castles in the Air

Today, Explained - Israel, Gaza, and Eurovision

Consider This from NPR - From utility man to one of California's foremost journalists

It's Been a Minute - A 'Wild Card' game with Rachel Martin

Wild Card with Rachel Martin - Issa Rae thinks a little delusion goes a long way

⭐ It's Been a Minute - Drake and Kendrick are beefing, but who pays? Plus, moms as our social safety net

Today, Explained - The real victims of Baby Reindeer

Re: Dracula - May 11: Pray for my Happiness

Twenty Thousand Hertz+ - TikTok’s Boom-Bling

⭐ Lost Notes - Go with the Flow: Community, Virality, and the Politics of Dancing

Why Won't You Date Me? - Love in Theater (w/ Jesse Tyler Ferguson)

Wait Wait… Don't Tell Me! - Chappell Roan

⭐ Big Gay Fiction Podcast - Baseball, 1960 New York, and Bad Dogs with Cat Sebastian

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Beauly Priory Wych Elm

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

'60s Sunshine Pop

'60s Folk Rock

Dance Party Hits

Carly Rae Jepsen

Presenting Charli XCX

Presenting Dua Lipa

Energy Supermix

Women of Electronic

Essential Proto-Metal

Rock Radio • 1980s • Popular • High variety

Presenting The Beach Boys

Classical Workout

Instrumental Hard Rock

[applesandbannas747]

do you have a bucket list of fandoms you’d like to write for?

ooo this is hard because there's so many lmfaoo

So I'd love to return to Artemis Fowl but only if an idea sparks in my brain because I'm not going in there just to produce something I'm not as fond/proud of as Fairy Bound lmfao

Septimus Heap is another one I'd love to write more for and I actually have ideas!! I just need to brush up on canon and find time to write lmfao

Dude I don't know what it is about brigid kemmerer but her books are somehow just exactly what I want lately lmfao so I'd like to write for Forging Silver into Stars sometime and write more for Defy the Night (and judging by an ominous comment about book 3, I fear I might be devoting my life to fix it fics and aus for that one TT.TT)

The Girl Who Fell Beneath the Sea is one I have bits and bobs of a fic written for, I just need to finish it...

Gregor the Overlander is yet another one I'd like to write more for but that one's hard because those books are so devastating and amazing and if I really sat down to do something with fic for it, I'd want to do a 'book 6' type thing where I get closure and happy endings in a way that feels in keeping with the series, so it would be a long and involved project

Skyward but I need to find a ship for the character I wanna explore more of in fic because unfortunately i like romance too much to write gen jsdfa

I had this idea for Virals that if I ever reread the series I hope to write lmfao

And obviously Fence, but since im actively writing for it i don't think it really counts haha

[anashins]

Hi mina. How about a fic with Jaehyun as prince charming? I can't get rid the image of jaehyun as disney prince ever since his A Whole New World Performance so if you could come up with a short scenario with him as a prince I would be delighted 😍

Pairing: Jaehyun x You

Genre: royalty au, dark romance, enemies to lovers, angst, drama

Word Count: 1k

A/N: I'm so sorry, somehow, this has become something entirely else after I've finished The Wicked King last night... I still hope you like it, anon 🥺💝

What do you feel the moment you know you’re about to die? 

Prince Jaehyun hadn’t known until now.

“I bow to no one,” you said and remained on your feet while everyone else had fallen to their knees. Fire was in your eyes, the rage of all your realms’ annihilated souls burning behind your fierce gaze. You were the only one left, and if you were about to go down, you would take the prince responsible for the extinction of your people with you.

They had been in the middle of a festive ball - a macabre celebration amidst a time of war, but you hadn’t expected anything else from a prince everyone deemed charming but you knew was cruel and wicked behind his deceiving looks. You had once gotten fooled too.

“Even if you’re a princess, you have to bow,” the seneschal commanded you, but all he got as a response was a hiss and the sound of your drawing sword as you pulled it out of the sheath. 

He stumbled backwards, and so did everyone else. Only the prince himself remained on his throne, his delicate golden crown sitting on his head atop his dark hair, in a crooked position from all the dancing he had done throughout the night to celebrate his last victory. Nobody wasted a single thought on all the folks who had lost their lives along the way.

You had come to avenge them all. You had wandered days throughout the woods, traversed the desert and crossed the ocean in the past weeks to let it all come to an end here.

“My, my.” Prince Jaehyun then arose, snipping with his fingers. “Why did the party suddenly stop? Play the music, start dancing again! This is a celebration after all!”

Despite the ball getting interrupted by your vengeful existence, with the prince’s command, everyone started to realize that you might not be so dangerous after all and reluctantly, but eventually, the guests started to pick up where they had left off. And amidst the celebrating and dancing crowd, stood you, not breaking eye contact with the prince.

He descended from the throne and took the steps down to you until you stood in front of each other. Your sword was still drawn, but your arms were too weak to point the weapon at him, your body too exhausted from the long journey. Soon, you were able to finally rest, forever. 

Prince Jaehyun stretched out his hand to you. “Dance with me, princess.”

You stared at each other, long, but you didn’t make a move. 

“Dance with me, and I will tell you everything I know. I promise to you, I won’t hurt you.”

At least that, you owed your deceased folk. They deserved the truth, even if you would only be able to tell in the after life. So you put your sword back into its sheath and let Prince Jaehyun step closer to you. 

His soft and warm hand enclosed around your wounded and bruised fingers, the other resting on the side of your waist. Your dress was dirty and torn from the long journey, but he didn’t mind touching you in the appropriate places. Even not properly dressed for festive activities, his eyes only remained on you as you two started dancing.

“So? What’s the truth? Tell me if it’s worth everything before I slit your throat.”

You wanted to get over this as fast as possible, but for a long while, Prince Jaehyun didn’t say a word. The only thing he did was to dance with you and to look at you, and even though it was supposed to make you uncomfortable all over, it did no such thing. 

For the first time in a long while, after fighting your way through here and spending every night outside in the cold, you felt warmth.

“Remember when we were children, long before you got married off to that new realm of yours, I promised to never lie to you?”

“We both know we were different people back then,” you cleared up. 

Too much had happened between you two ever since you went to the same school in this realm together. Too much time had passed since those sunny afternoons in the tower where life had still been perfect and your souls free from more responsibility than you could carry. Now, you were both too tainted to go back to that time, too much blood on your both’s hands.

“That’s not true,” he contradicted and suddenly stopped moving to the rhythm.

You were taken by surprise as you were to motion further, but he grabbed you by your hands and spun you back into his arms where he pressed you against his body. You couldn’t wind out of his grip. At this point, you didn’t even know whether you intended to at all or if it was all in your head. You were too fixated on his face that didn’t seem cruel or wicked anymore. His expression had totally softened, and for once, he let slip that perhaps, the young boy from back there was still here with you.

Too bad the girl from his childhood had died a long time ago inside of you.

You cupped Prince Jaehyun’s face and pulled him down to you, pressing your lips on his. Only a gentle touch, the bare minimum, nothing more was needed. Yet, your lips remained together for much longer and neither of you made the first move to pull away. Especially not you, as you wanted to stay in this warmth just for a bit more.

But the longer you remained together, the more dangerous it was for you. 

“The truth about this war is,” Prince Jaehyun began as he pulled away, his lips purple, just like yours, “that there is no real truth behind it.”

For the first time, Prince Jaehyun broke his promise. He had lied. There was truth to it that he wouldn’t let you in on, but now it was too late. He had decided otherwise. If you were to go down, he would go with you.

What do you feel the moment you know you’re about to die?

Prince Jaehyun felt love as he tasted the poison on his lips.

[sitp-recs]

The second season of Hidden Gems is here at last!! I gotta start this post with a big THANK YOU note - especially to @pennygalleon, @nv-md and @romaine2424 - for your enthusiasm and support! The feedback for this project has been incredible and I’m so very excited to share more gems with you. Unlike the first season this new batch will have a bigger focus on new and/or active authors, hoping to boost their works and self-confidence within the community. We are looking at another list of 40-45 creators and I can’t wait to praise them all! I have prepared a few recs in advance but I can’t promise daily posts like I did last time - although 🤔 maybe having a breather between lists might give folks the chance to actually go through them? Would love to hear your thoughts on this!

Hidden Gems by @academicdisasterfic

Let’s start this new season with our one and only Rooney, fandom’s beloved cottagecore deity! Sometimes I feel like he’s been around for ages already, his calming presence, gorgeous fics and inspiring Letters in Transition exchange project with @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm working their way inside our hearts until we’re like “oh right, remember that incredible fic he wrote in 2014??”. I knew I liked him as soon as I saw that perfect profile pic, I smile every time I see his icon and I loved getting so many treats on his birthday this year! hehe it looks like we have similar tastes! He has a quiet, sensitive and slightly melancholy writing that touches my soul; his fics bring self-discovery, gentle understanding, wistful angst and the most delicious domesticity. The gentle narrative sprinkled with fluff & smut is perfect comfort food and maybe more importantly, thanks to his contributions our fandom is getting the trans representation it deserves 🏳️‍⚧️🙌 thank you for everything you do for the fandom, we appreciate you! To everyone else: run don’t walk, because you can’t miss the gems below!

Drarry

like the sun came out (2021, E, 3k) - a very special best friends to lovers with gentle sex, lots of feels and the most beautiful summary you’ll read today:

Harry realises that Draco loves him, and it's like waking up.

Crawl Back Into Your Open Arms (2022, M, 5k) - all 👏🏻 the 👏🏻 pining 👏🏻 with Healer Draco, sick Harry, substance abuse, top hurt/comfort content

Harry can’t feel. Draco feels too much. They can’t live with or without each other.

Sourdough (2021, M, 17k) - my first Rooney fic still inhabits my dreams, brilliant tender AU with baker Harry, romance novelist Draco, bamf Pansy and cottagecore angst, the perfect love story! Tw anxiety, reference to past suicidal attempt

Draco writes romance novels and doesn't leave his apartment much. Harry bakes bread and sells it to Draco. Draco is quite weird. Harry might like that.

Rare pairs:

Summer at the Burrow (2022, E, 1k) - *screams* the hottest 1k you’ll ever read, holy shit this is something else. Ships: Draco/Bill, Draco/Sirius, Draco/Harry

Bill's controlling and hot, Sirius is passionate and hot, and Draco is just hot. Literally. This room is stifling.

Keep Me Here (2022, E, 8k) - a must read with our favourite triad Drarry + Teddy! Personal fave of mine with gender fluid Teddy, lots of pining and sexy resolves UST, praise kink, consensual somnophilia! A fic after my own 💜

Or the one where Teddy is pining, Harry is in denial, and Draco is impatient.

[cha-melodius]

If there are still slots open for the Christmas prompts, may I ask for 6. “Is that present for me?” with Lokius? (or 3. “Your lips are cold.” as a backup number). Thank you and I hope you'll reach the 1 000 000 words (also, just saying, that's very impressive!!).

(Ok, so I might have cheated a liiiiiiittle by combining two prompts into one, which was inspired by the fact that @okilokiwithpurpose had prompt #3 as a backup. But hopefully the fact that this fic is 4x as long as most of the others in this challenge makes up for it! I had written a tiny bit of this AU, but never shared, and somehow as I was looking at it again these prompts just slotted into place. So here you go, an actor AU, which I can't believe no one had written for these two before, with some fake dating thrown in for fun. I hope you all enjoy! Also: @an-asgardian I wasn't sure if your AO3 name was different, but let me know and I can gift it to you there if you like!)

True Hollywood Romance

Read it on AO3 (M, 8.1k)

Toronto International Film Festival, early September

“You cannot tell me you’re intending to wear that,” Loki blurts, in lieu of a greeting, the moment he opens the door and sees Mobius standing on the other side of it.

Mobius glances down at his outfit: a grey suit that, yes, he has worn to more than a few previous events. Not that anyone would notice. No one ever asks who Mobius is wearing, he’s never appeared on any fashion lists (best or worst), and that’s the way he likes it. He knows he’ll be comfortable, and he doesn’t have to worry about hurridly-sewn seams failing or a jacket being mistakenly cut too tight across his shoulders. He hasn’t so much cultivated his look as actively not cared about it, and he’s gotten to a point in his career where people were inclined to let him do as he wished.

Until now, it seems. Loki is still staring at him in something akin to horror, which is a bit much. It elicits a knee-jerk reaction to get defensive and dig in his heels, but Mobius shoves it down and forces a tight smile onto his face. This is to be their first official public appearance, and it wouldn’t do to start things off on the wrong foot.

“You have a better idea?” he challenges, raising his eyebrows.

“Go back in time and get a suit that’s properly tailored,” Loki opines, before he sighs, gesturing Mobius into the hotel room. “You can’t wear that shirt.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

Loki gives him a withering look of disdain that is definitely pushing it. “It’s boring, Mobius. Take it off, I have one that will work.”

Mobius sighs out heavily through his nose, trying not to grind his teeth together, and reminds himself that he agreed to this. God knows why. Your career is stagnating. No one’s talking about you, Ravonna had said. You need to shake it up, and this is the perfect opportunity. Then his agent had delivered the final blow: If you want that movie green-lit, you’ll do it.

Fucking Hollywood. Odin Borson had one of the biggest production companies on the block and a troublesome, wild-child son who needed an image rehabilitation. Who better to play the moderating influence than someone who’s never been a front page headline in the tabloids in his life? The TV actor who’d been beloved in the same role he’d played for over a decade, but boring in every other respect? Even when he’d come out several years ago, the news had barely made a ripple. He’s been trying to get this movie made for years, though, so a few months of pretending to date the producer’s kid had seemed like a small price to pay.

He’s not so sure about that anymore, though.

He follows Loki through the palatial suite to an entire walk-in closet of clothes—how on Earth could he have so many, they’re only here for a few days—and waits as the other man roots around a collection of shirts. Loki pulls several out and frowns at them before tossing them away, heedless of where they land. Sequins, ruffles, lace, one that seems to be hot pink— Christ, Mobius needs a drink. 

“I really doubt any of your stuff is going to fit me,” he tries in a last-ditch effort.

“It’ll be close enough,” Loki says, waving him off dismissively. “Keep your jacket buttoned on the red carpet and no one will notice.”

Mobius sighs, again. He has a distinct feeling that his life will be easier if he just lets Loki do what he wants. Within reason. “I’m gonna have a drink. You want anything?”

Loki’s mouth tightens almost imperceptibly. “Not allowed to drink before these things anymore,” he says stiffly, still focusing on the shirts in front of him.

“Oh. Noted.”

Possibly they should have actually talked more before this, but Mobius had counted on film festival red carpets being relatively low pressure when it comes to interviews. Loki has a small part in one of the movies from Odin’s production company, hence the appearance, but he’s not a lead, so no one expects the press to want to talk to them that much. They’ve been provided a few essentially scripted lines about their relationship to use when someone inevitably asks: they met on a ski slope in Vail, hit it off over coffee, etc, etc. Never mind that Mobius has never been to Vail. He doesn’t even ski, unless you count a jet ski.

Mobius briefly wonders if he should also abstain out of courtesy, but he figures Loki would say something if it was going to be a problem. Hopefully it won’t, because there’s no way Mobius is gonna get through tonight without at least one Scotch. He’s pouring a healthy portion into a crystal tumbler from the room’s wet bar when Loki appears at his side again.

“Here. This one,” he says, thrusting the garment into Mobius’s hands. It’s a rich, cerulean blue, and when Mobius holds it out he sees it seems to be a mock turtleneck and also…

“Is this… sparkly?”

“It’s a subtle shimmer,” Loki corrects superciliously. He hesitates for a second and looks away, avoiding Mobius’s gaze, and when he continues his voice is oddly tight. “It will bring out the blue of your eyes.”

Mobius swallows. Loki’s not actually dressed yet, still wearing a bathrobe, the fronts of which have by now slipped open down to where it’s belted at his waist, revealing a tantalizing swath of smooth, sculpted chest and abs that Mobius has to force himself not to stare at. Look, he’s not a monk, and Loki is a very attractive man. That fact may or may not have swayed his decision to go along with this circus. Still, this is all fake. Loki is way out of his league, and he’d do well to remember that.

Of course, he hadn’t banked on having to deal with Loki’s chest all night. It turns out he’s not wearing a shirt at all, only the trousers and jacket of a deep green tux with tails so long and elaborate they’re reminiscent of a skirt. He looks, to put it simply, stunning, and Mobius can’t help but feel a bit dull beside him. Even in a shimmery turtleneck, which, ok, did look better under his suit than what he was planning on wearing.

The appearance goes off without a hitch. They walk the red carpet, talk to a few reporters, smile like they’re enjoying themselves. Loki sleeps through the screening of his own movie, but Mobius is enthralled. He’d never really seen much of what Loki had been in before—mostly a number of prosaic runs as villains in genre flicks and their sequels—but in this he’s utterly arresting. He steals every scene he’s in, few though they might be. It makes Mobius wonder what happened, how he got so off track in his career, because clearly he deserves a lot more.

Halfway through the movie, Loki’s head tips onto his shoulder, and he doesn’t have the heart to move him. Loki jerks awake at the audience’s applause when the credits roll, going red as he realizes that he’d been using Mobius as a pillow. His eyeliner is slightly smudged and his hair is mussed, and the whole picture is far too soft and endearing. Even though they’re surrounded by a couple hundred other people it feels remarkably intimate, and something twists in Mobius’s gut.

This might be harder than he previously expected.

~~~~~

Hollywood, California, late September

“Is that a present for me?” Loki says, a teasing note in his voice and a grin on his face as he slips into the seat opposite Mobius.

They’re sitting outside at a cafe in Hollywood, in full view of the paparazzi that lurk unsubtly across the street. Odin’s people called them, of course. Another of their scheduled appearances, this time a casual lunch. Mobius tries to smile like he doesn’t care that his every move is being documented. He’s never elicited this kind of attention during his entire career, and he’s not at all disappointed about that.

“The very one provided by your manager,” Mobius answers dryly. It had been delivered to his apartment with a note explaining that he was supposed to give it to Loki at the arranged time. “I take it you purchased this for yourself?”

“Mm,” Loki hums as he eagerly tears the top off the box and pulls a luxurious green silk scarf out of it, winding it around his neck. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about, darling. This a thoughtful gift from my dear beau.”

Mobius feels his face go hot at the fake pet names and blames the sun. “How can you wear that right now? It’s scorching out here today.”

“I’m always cold,” Loki tells him. “So. Honey. Dearest. Beloved,” he says, grinning over the menu at Mobius’s huff as he gets more flustered by the second. Turns out bearing the full brunt of Loki’s charm is a lot. “What looks good?”

Once they get settled in things get easier, though. They actually talk, really talk, for the first time since this whole thing started, and Mobius finds out that Loki’s not only insanely good looking but also sharp and engaging, talking excitedly about this or that project, going off on long tangents about random topics that interest him. It’s so unlike the haughty, stand-offish demeanor that he’s known for that Mobius is thrown off for a second, but he ends up enjoying himself too much to think about it too hard.

“The worst place I’ve ever had to film was definitely actual Siberia,” Loki is saying. They’re now undergoing the actor’s rite of passage in getting to know one another: sharing filming horror stories.

“Oh, that was The Void, right? The post-apocalyptic one,” Mobius says without thinking.

Loki blinks at him. “I thought you hadn’t seen any of my films.”

Mobius’s chewing slows to a halt as he realizes what he’s just admitted. “I mean. I’d seen a couple.” And if, since TIFF, he’d watched all of them, that was his business and nobody else’s.

“No one’s voluntarily seen The Void, Mobius,” Loki teases, a slow grin spreading on his face. “It’s not even on any streaming services.”

That is true. Mobius had had to buy the damned thing, and even finding a copy had been trying. Which was actually a shame, because yes, the movie had been terrible—abysmal writing, with a hackneyed love story forced in at the end—but Loki’s performance was exceptional. He’d played several different versions of the same character, each twisted a little differently, and it had been a bit of revelation.

“Musta caught it when it came out,” Mobius mumbles as he shrugs, avoiding Loki’s too-mirthful gaze. “Anyway, it’s gotta be more fun than always filming on a soundstage. Fifteen years of it gets real old, let me tell you.”

“All those places you traveled to? Pompeii? Those couldn’t have all been sets,” Loki says, which surprises Mobius enough to pull his eyes off his plate again.

“Now who’s been watching old TV series?” Mobius shoots back. “You can’t expect me to believe you saw Murders in the Multiverse when it aired.”

Loki sniffs, trying his best to look as if he hadn’t just been caught out. “Those are all on Paramount Plus,” he says dismissively. “I just put them on in the background for research. Barely paid attention.”

“Right. Research,” Mobius huffs, amused. “Well, they were all sets. Even Pompeii.”

“That’s disappointing.”

“Tell me about it.”

“It couldn’t have been that bad, though,” Loki says, tipping his head slightly. “You stayed for a lot of seasons. Even through that miserable amnesia arc.”

Mobius snorts. “Never overestimate the pull of a steady paycheck. I still get decent residuals from that show. But after a while they didn’t want to pay me what I deserved, and I got bored playing a time cop. Wanted to do something new and different. Get out of my comfort zone.”

“Which is why you’re here,” Loki says, a flat, difficult-to-read expression on his face. If Mobius didn’t know better he’d almost say Loki looked upset, which doesn’t make any sense.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Mobius allows. He picks at his food as they fall into an awkward silence, until finally he decides to just say it. “It’s been nice getting to know you, though.”

Loki looks up at that, slightly surprised, before a careful smile spreads across his face. “Yes. It has.”

~~~~~

New York Film Festival, October

“This is inhumane,” Loki whines the moment they step out of the limo and onto the red carpet.

“You’re the one who insisted on wearing a backless outfit,” Mobius reminds him. “I warned you.”

Not far away from where they stand, the fans lining the barricades are bundled up against the frigid wind of the unseasonable cold snap that had hit New York a day before the festival. Even Mobius is uncomfortably cold, and he’s wearing a wool suit. A new bespoke Italian wool suit that Loki had insisted upon for the festival. He almost wore a scarf, too, before Loki objected. Even though it was a nice scarf. Mobius had thought the outfit was pretty sharp, actually.

Clearly, Loki has somewhat warped views on what is appropriate for the weather, because he’s wearing some kind of shiny something that Mobius doesn’t even know how to describe—like a pair of trousers with a backless waistcoat attached on top, and nothing else. Christ, this man is dead set on ruining him. Especially because he huddles close for warmth, and Mobius has really no choice but to wrap his arms around him as hundreds of camera flashes go off from the press corps area nearby.

They’ve never been this close. Mobius has pressed a hand to his lower back, and Loki has draped himself off Mobius’s elbow, casual signs of affection that are easy, but this is quite beyond that. His hands splay over Loki’s bare skin as Loki tucks himself against his chest, and suddenly their faces are bare inches apart.

“You should kiss me,” Loki murmurs.

Mobius’s brain experiences a full shutdown, and it takes several moments to reboot. “What?” he manages, his voice strangled.

“We haven’t kissed for the cameras yet.”

Mobius does not remind him that they have not kissed at all, because they’re not actually dating. They don’t have to kiss. Lots of celebrity couples keep those things more private. Certainly plenty of them have never locked lips on the red carpet. Of course, Mobius knows as well as Loki that there have been rumors—blind items, chatter in the tabloids—that their relationship is just for PR. Which is true, but that’s not what they want people to think. A kiss would help sell it. That’s all this is.

No more than a few seconds can have passed, but it feels like an eternity before he manages to give a small nod. Loki is taller than him, so he has to stretch up on his toes a little as Loki dips his head to meet him. It doesn’t need to be more than a chaste press, but Loki’s lips, slightly tacky from the gloss he’s wearing, move softly against his and linger with the barest tug on Mobius’s lower lip as they part. It very effectively punches all the air from his lungs and leaves him reeling, which is kind of suboptimal because they’re still standing on the red carpet. Then there’s the fact that Loki just stares at him after they part, his eyes slightly wide like he hadn’t really meant to do that.

“Your lips are cold,” Mobius blurts, somewhat nonsensically, because he has no idea what else to say.

It turns out to be the right thing, though, because Loki laughs softly. “Can’t imagine why,” he drawls. He pulls away slightly, and Mobius tries not to feel disappointed about that. “Can we go inside now?”

“Just a few more minutes, sweetheart.” The endearment slips out, and he can feel Loki staring at him, but he doesn’t look over.

Instead, he does his job. Slide to the side so Loki’s outfit is visible. Lace their fingers together when Loki grabs his hand. Smile for the cameras.

Ignore the massive, hard knot settling into his gut.

~~~~~

Paris, France, November

“Yeah, I got it,” Mobius says over the phone as he wrestles his suitcase through the narrow hallway. “I’ll read it soon. It does look interesting.”

“The director specifically inquired about your schedule,” Ravonna tells him. “This is a very good sign, Mobius. You’re on people’s minds.”

“I know,” he sighs, because he’s tacitly admitting that she was right.

Even if this movie isn’t what he’s after, the fact that people are actually interested in him for the first time in… well, he can’t remember—it’s definitely good. And a little surprising. It’s not that he didn’t think the plan would work, but— ok, he didn’t really think this plan would work. Apparently he was wrong about that.

The numbers on the door to the hotel suite that’s been booked for them are ornately wrought in gold leaf, and he blinks at them for a moment before fumbling with the key. To say he doesn’t stay in places like this would be vastly understating things. The concierge had looked almost offended when he said he could handle is own bags. He’s a simple guy, not built for a life like this. Ravonna is rambling in his ear as he finally manages to get the door open, but when he steps into the suite he interrupts her without a thought.

“Ravonna, I’m gonna have to call you back.”

It’s huge, of course, and outfitted in Rococo fashion, with a large sitting area, what looks to be an office-slash-library, another sitting room, a bathroom larger than his first apartment, and a bedroom with a massive four-poster bed. One bed. He’s still staring at it when Loki pops up from where he’d been reclining on one of the couches and walks over to him.

“Where’s the bellboy?” he asks, peeking around Mobius’s back as if one might be hiding there. “I was going to send for champagne.”

“It’s ten in the morning,” Mobius protests, only half paying attention.

“Mimosas, Mobius. Catch up.”

“Sorry, is that the only bed in here?”

Loki pauses in his route to the room’s telephone and looks back at him, confused. “Of course. Didn’t they tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“One of those blind items about us was definitely leaked by a hotel staff member. The one about separate rooms? We can’t afford those kinds of rumors. Hence.” Loki waves his arm at the bed, then blithely continues on to the phone.

It makes sense of course, they would be sharing a room and a bed if they were really dating, but that doesn’t make it any easier for Mobius to deal with. “I guess there are a lot of couches,” he allows. None of them look like they’ll be great for his back, but it’s only a couple of days.

Loki frowns at him. “You can’t honestly be planning to sleep on a couch, Mobius,” he scoffs. “The bed is plenty big enough for the two of us. Plus, the cleaning staff might notice.”

“Yeah, of course,” Mobius says, biting down on an exasperated sigh. He’s jet lagged, and exhausted, and being reminded of how much of an act this whole thing is frays his last nerve. “It never ends,” he groans.

“I don’t understand why you’re so upset about this,” Loki counters. “It’s not that big of a big deal.”

“Heaven forbid we actually get some moments where we don’t have to be performing, even when we’re alone!”

Loki goes stiff, his mouth narrowing in to a hard line, and Mobius knows he’s made a mistake. “Well. I’m sorry that this is so difficult for you,” he says, his voice cold and calm in the very worst way.

“Now wait a second, it’s not about—” Mobius tries, but Loki cuts him off.

“Excuse me, I need to use the restroom,” he says, then turns swiftly on his heel and marches into it, slamming the door behind him.

Mobius winces. Christ, he mucked this one up good. They’d been getting along so well that it’d been easy to sell that they enjoyed each other’s company, but this certainly isn’t going to help things. This trip was supposed to be a ‘romantic Parisian getaway’ for the two of them. Now it seems like they’ll be testing the limits of their acting ability. Bitterly, he thinks that Loki’s clearly a good enough actor that he shouldn’t have any trouble.

The bathroom door stays firmly shut for a long time, so Mobius the only thing he really he can. He unpacks the clothes that will wrinkle and puts them out to be pressed, pokes around the library for any interesting books—which he discovers must be mostly treated for show, given that they clearly haven’t been opened in quite a long time, and anyway are all in French—he even orders a bottle of champagne sent up, along with some fresh squeezed orange juice for good measure. After a while, when Loki still hasn’t emerged, Mobius hesitantly approaches and knocks softly.

“Loki? You ok?”

At first it doesn’t seem like there will be an answer, but there’s a soft curse, then the door flings open and Loki stares at him blankly. He’s wearing a bathrobe, and his hair is wet.

“Were you showering?” Mobius asks without thinking. It’s not really any of his business.

“I was in the bath,” Loki answers, his voice even. His face his carefully arranged, neither upset nor relaxed, but still, Mobius can’t help but feel like they took three steps backwards. “Did you want the shower?”

“Actually, yeah, if it’s not too much trouble. Planes, you know,” Mobius tries, offering a tentative smile.

“Right, of course,” Loki says with excessive politeness. “It’s all yours.”

“I ordered that champagne you wanted, by the way,” Mobius offers. “Orange juice too. Dunno if there was any other fancy stuff you wanted.”

That seems to take Loki by surprise. “Oh. Thank you.”

“Look, I’m sorry about earlier,” Mobius says in a rush, wanting to get it out before Loki can interrupt him again. “I was just— well, tired from all the travel, and I reacted poorly. You’re right, the bed is huge. And for what it’s worth, this isn’t difficult for me. I mean, spending time with you. I enjoy it.”

Those words have the curious property of being simultaneously entirely too honest and a massive lie, because this has in truth become incredibly difficult for him. Difficult not to give himself away. Difficult to reconcile what they do in public with their actual relationship. Difficult to keep from falling further and further in love with Loki every moment they spend together.

Loki’s expression softens, stuck somewhere between disbelief and relief before one corner of his mouth finally tugs upward. “That’s— well, that’s nice of you to say.”

“It’s the truth, Loki. You’re a great person.”

“That’s not a common opinion, I’m afraid,” Loki says dryly, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“Well, they’re wrong,” Mobius insists. “They don’t really know you.”

“And you do?”

Mobius nods confidently. “I do now. And I know I’m lucky to be your… friend,” he finishes, just managing to avoid saying something absurd like boyfriend or partner. They’re friends now, that’s not a stretch to say.

For some reason Loki flinches at that, though, so subtly it’s almost invisible. Then he’s smiling quickly to cover it, falling into his usual teasing tone as he says, “You’re right, you are lucky, Mobius. Two days of basking in my glorious presence. How will you survive?” Barely, Mobius thinks, but he chuckles all the same. “Hey, you wanna go out after this? I’m famished, and we could see some sites?”

“Sure you want to?” Loki asks, his expression sobering a touch. “We could just order room service. I mean, if you want some time off from performing…”

Yup, Mobius is gonna regret saying that for a long time. He can’t explain that it’s easy for him to act like he’s Loki’s boyfriend. That he’s not actually pretending when he ends up giving him smitten looks from across a cafe table. (Mobius has seen the paparazzi photos in the tabloids. Photographic proof of how utterly gone he is, which is all fine because that’s what they want the world to see. People don’t realize that Mobius isn’t that good of an actor. Not this time, anyway.)

Instead, he says, too honest once again, “No, I want to. Do you come to Paris a lot?”

“Yes.”

“Then show me your favorite places, ok?”

“All right,” Loki says, slowly smiling again. A genuine smile this time, pleased, like no one’s ever asked him for something like that before. “It’s a date.”

It is a date, so much a date that Mobius has to remind himself frequently that it’s not real. They eat crêpes at a café, their legs tangling together under the table, then Loki drags him off to obscure museums and tiny yet stunning churches. They stroll through the Tuileries hand-in-hand as Loki eats gelato despite the cold, and Loki leans in to kiss the corner of his mouth as they sit by the Seine. (The thrill Mobius gets at that is severely tempered by the fact that he can see the paparazzi photographing them from across the river. It’s just a photo op. It’s always a photo op.)

It’s dark outside by the time Loki leads him to the catacombs, which Mobius is pretty sure are actually closed. Not that that makes much of a difference when you’re as famous and filthy rich as Loki. What it means, though, is that they have the place to themselves, which is actually pretty creepy considering they’re surrounded by row upon row of stacked human bones.

“Of course this would be one of your favorite places,” Mobius laughs.

Loki scoffs in obviously put-upon offense, pressing one elegant hand to his chest. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“How often do you come here?”

“Every time I’m in the city,” Loki admits, grinning at him.

He’d walked a bit ahead, but now he comes back to stand by Mobius’s side as he stares up at the vaulted ceiling near where they’d entered. Mobius is so distracted by their surroundings that he doesn’t notice Loki reaching out until a hand slips into his, linking their fingers together. His head snaps to the side in surprise, but Loki is looking resolutely away.

“There’s no one here, you know,” he ventures, because apparently he can’t let himself have nice things.

“I know,” Loki says. He flashes a quick smile Mobius’s way before turning back to their surroundings. His fingers loosen a bit, as if giving Mobius the chance to pull away, which is of course the last thing Mobius wants to do. He tightens his own grip, and thinks he sees Loki’s lips quirk into a smile before he starts tugging him down a corridor.

Loki talks animatedly as they walk, telling stories about the catacombs that may or may not be factual, but Mobius finds that he doesn’t really care. He spends more time looking at Loki, anyway, at the way that the warm light reflects off the walls and illuminates the cut of his cheekbones and the curve of his lips. Maybe parts of this aren’t real. Maybe Loki isn’t really his, not in the way he wants, but Mobius wasn’t lying when he said he was lucky to call him a friend, and he decides then that he’s going to enjoy the time he does get, no matter how much it hurts in the end.

~~~~~

Torino Film Festival, December

Mobius doesn’t walk the red carpet in Torino; his flight is due to get in late, and Loki is busy with a press event for his movie anyway. He’s due to meet Loki later for some exclusive party, but in the mean time he has work to do; his agent managed to score him a dinner meeting with a director he’s always admired but never dreamed he’d get to work with, and who’s got a new, hush-hush movie entering pre-production soon. He refuses to get his hopes up, but the meeting goes really well, even if it does take an unexpected turn near the end.

“I hear you’re involved with Loki Odinson now,” the director says conversationally.

“Yeah,” Mobius confirms, a little uncomfortably. He’s never sure what to say when people start asking about his personal life, and it’s even more awkward now. “Do you know him?”

“Oh, yes. He was supposed to be in one of my movies a couple of years ago.”

“What happened?”

The director gives him an inscrutable look. “The official reason was scheduling,” he says after a moment. “But we couldn’t insure him.”

Shit, Mobius should have known. A ‘couple of years ago’ was when Loki started sliding off the rails: partying endlessly, walking off sets, publicly picking fights with his golden-boy actor brother. Loki generally doesn’t talk about it, so he knows very little but what was in the press, which is probably half bullshit and anyway definitely not the whole story. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to say, how much he should know, but in the end he doesn’t really need to say anything.

“You seem good for him,” the director continues. “I always did think he just needed someone to really believe in him. I’m glad he found that.”

“Er, thanks,” Mobius manages, his throat abruptly tight. “I don’t think I have a lot to do with it, though.”

“Come now, Mobius. Don’t you know you’re in the film industry? Never sell yourself short,” he says, a smirk playing on his lips.

Mobius is still pondering his words while he’s waiting near the entrance to the party for Loki to arrive so they can go in together. He’s running late, of course, so Mobius ends up so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he doesn’t notice Loki’s approach until the other man is nearly in front of him. When he does, though, his mouth nearly drops open. Loki is wearing what amounts to little more than minuscule black hot pants with a sheer body suit over them, the gossamer fabric spotted with green crystals and black lace that resolves somewhat into snakes and foliage as he gets closer. Very few people could pull something like that off, but Loki is absolutely one of them.

Now Mobius understands the emerald green jacket and black silk shirt Loki had sent him to wear. They actually look like they belong together, complementary but not too matchy-matchy, though Loki still outshines him by several megawatts. Loki smirks at his no doubt stunned expression, reaching up to unbutton several the shirt almost halfway down his chest, then drags his hands down Mobius’s front and leans in close to his ear.

“It’s a party, Mobius,” he murmurs before Mobius can object. “Live a little.”

They’re extensively photographed standing in front of some kind of wall made of dense shrubbery before finally they can go inside. There, at least, there won’t be any press or paparazzi, though still plenty of eyes on them. It should be relatively low pressure, and it is at first; they chat with the other guests, and though Loki knows more people than him, he does run into someone he did a movie with years ago and who he has a nice time catching up with. But then, as the night gets later, Loki insists on dragging him onto the dance floor. Mobius doesn’t dance. It’s just not in his makeup, but there’s no saying no to Loki. That’s what he tells himself, instead of admitting that he’s a complete pushover where this man is concerned.

Mobius does his best to try to move to the beat, which makes Loki laugh at him and grab his hips in an attempt to get him to swing them, or something. It’s definitely not going to work. What’s worse, though, is when Loki gives up and just starts grinding against him. Christ, Mobius doesn’t know where to put his hands, and he knows this isn’t supposed to be a big deal but it’s a lot to have Loki pressed against him like this, and if he keeps it up things are going to get really uncomfortable really fast—

“Need some air,” Mobius gasps, wrenching himself away and stumbling off the dance floor.

He has no idea where he’s going, but he finds an exit into some kind of enclosed courtyard. There are a few people scattered around, mostly smoking, but they pay him no attention as he hurries past them and finds a relatively secluded alcove behind a bush to collapse into. It’s quiet outside and no one disturbs him, which is why he jumps a mile when a hand lands on his shoulder a short time later.

“Mobius?” Loki asks, staring at him in concern. “Are you ok?”

“Oh yeah, fine and dandy,” he lies with an admittedly weak smile. “Just got a little tight in there, is all.”

“We can leave, if you want.”

“Only if you’re ready. I don’t want to cut your night short.”

Loki sighs, and leans against the wall next to him. “These things are never quite as fun when you’re sober.” He shivers almost violently in the winter chill, crossing his arms over his front, which does precisely nothing when you’re wearing as little as he is.

Mobius doesn’t really think, just says, “c’mere,” and pulls him into his arms, wrapping him up against the cold, and Loki tucks himself against him. It’s like New York all over again, except there aren’t a hundred cameras and screaming fans around them. Just them. Just Loki’s face, so close to his. Without planning to, he reaches up and presses a thumb to the side of Loki’s lower lip, and it still feels warm against his finger but he wonders if it would be cold against his mouth.

“Mobius,” Loki whispers.

He doesn’t know which of them moves first, or maybe they both move at once, but those lips are on his again, and it’s nothing like the brief, press-approved pecks that they’ve shared before. Loki tips his head and slots their mouths firmly together, parting his lips, licking past his teeth almost tentatively at first and then with more confidence when their tongues tangle together. They kiss and they kiss until Mobius’s lungs are burning, but he doesn’t dare pull away, doesn’t dare to break the spell. Then Loki shifts in his arms, and the press of their bodies together draws a low groan from his throat that finally makes Loki withdraw. Mobius is prepared for regret, or excuses, or an attempt to laugh it off—anything but how dark his eyes are when they meet Mobius’s.

“We should go,” Loki says, and the low, rough tone of his voice reaches all the way into Mobius’s gut and tugs.

It’s a miracle that they make it back to the right limo, and no sooner has Mobius settled into the back than Loki is climbing directly into his lap. There’s a broad, mischievous grin on his face before he ducks down to kiss a path along the edge of Mobius’s jaw and onward to work a spot below his ear in a way that Mobius is almost certain is going to leave a mark. Christ, it doesn’t matter, though, because it’s so damned good. His hands slide up Loki’s thighs over the lace bodysuit until his thumbs hit the crease of his hips, and when he digs his fingers into the sides of his ass Loki moans and his hips grind forward against the rapidly tightening region of Mobius’s pants.

“You want me,” Loki murmurs near his ear, punctuating it with a little nip to the taut muscle of his neck before he sits back with a teasing smile.

“Of course I do, you absolute demon,” Mobius groans. “Look at you.” He plucks at the lace. “This isn’t clothes. I swear you’ve been trying to drive me insane.”

“Is it working?” Loki asks, bending down close to the side of his face again.

“What do you think?” Mobius growls, then captures his mouth in another bruising kiss.

Getting up to the hotel room is a fucking trial, mostly because Loki refuses to detach himself from Mobius. Thank god there’s a discreet, private entrance to the hotel and an elevator that takes them nearly directly up to their suite. Somehow Loki manages to shed the bodysuit almost instantly—Mobius doesn’t even understand how it was fastened—leaving him in just the skin-tight booty shorts, and Mobius short-circuits briefly at the sight of all that bare skin. Then there’s the way his half-hard cock is straining against the fabric, which sends a jolt of white-hot desire surging deep into Mobius’s gut. Loki turns and walks toward the bedroom, swinging his hips in a way that should be illegal, and by the time Mobius manages to scramble after him he finds Loki perched on the edge of the bed and leaning back on his hands.

“Come here,” he says, his voice nearly a purr, and Mobius’s feet obey before he even registers the request.

He stands between Loki’s spread legs as the other man looks up at him through long eyelashes thick with mascara, and feels like he’s standing on the edge of a precipice. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he murmurs, letting his fingers trail lightly across Loki’s cheek. It seems impossible, but there’s no mistaking the hungry look Loki is giving him.

“Why not?” Loki asks, one perfect eyebrow arcing upward. “You want me. I want you. It doesn’t have to be complicated.”

Right. It doesn’t have to mean anything, he might have well said. Which is true. It doesn’t have to. It can just be two people finding pleasure in each other’s company. Friends with benefits are a thing. Not a thing that Mobius has ever done, but a thing nonetheless. Loki is offering everything he wanted (not everything), everything he never thought he’d get (not even close).

Why not, indeed?

After all, it’s simple enough to lean down to kiss him in answer, to let Loki’s nimble fingers efficiently divest him of his shirt and trousers. It’s simple to lose himself in the eager slide of hands and the slick heat of Loki’s mouth; so very simple to push him backward into the bed and take him apart with mouth and fingers until he’s begging, to press inside him and surrender to the pleasure that floods through his body and overwhelms all of his senses.

What’s not simple is how he feels afterward, when Loki sprawls sleepily across his chest and tangles their legs together under the covers. When they spend all night like that, wrapped up in each other’s arms. When, the next morning, Loki acts like absolutely nothing has changed, like he hasn’t just completely upended Mobius’s life.

Mobius lays in the bed for a while, just watching as Loki blithely prattles on about their schedule for the day while he rifles through his wardrobe, and then he knows: it’s going to be fucking complicated.

~~~~~

Hollywood, California, New Year’s Eve

Mobius doesn’t know what he was expecting after Loki texts him and tells him to come over early before the party, that he should bring his suit and get ready at his place, but it wasn’t for Loki to drag him inside by the collar and press him against the wall by the door. Certainly he wasn’t expecting to be kissed breathless, or for Loki to lean in close and whisper, “Will you fuck me before we go tonight?”

They’ve slept with each other a few times since Italy. Usually after one of their scheduled appearances—which Loki now fills with suggestive innuendos and hidden, risqué touches because apparently his new goal in life is to make Mobius’s life as difficult as possible—but once Loki showed up at his house in L.A. in the middle of the night wearing nothing but a silk robe and a wicked grin. Sex with Loki is frequently playful and teasing, sometimes tender (Mobius tries not to think to hard about those moments), always mind-blowing, but it’s never been like this. Desperate. He doesn’t know what to do with that, but he also doesn’t know how to say no to Loki, so he nods and lets himself be dragged off toward the bedroom.

For someone who’s main goal seemed to be sex, Loki is surprisingly fully dressed in black slacks and a plain white button-down, as if his unexpected request was a last minute decision. He allows Mobius the handful of seconds it takes him to hang up his suit for tonight on an empty hook in the closet before he pounces, pulling him into another bruising kiss as his hands drop to Mobius’s belt. It’s overwhelming, frankly, but not so overwhelming that he doesn’t feel Loki’s hands tremble as they fumble with the buckle, and that yanks him firmly out of the hazy, lust-fueled fantasy.

“Hey, hold on a second,” Mobius says as he traps Loki’s hands with his own. “What’s going on with you?”

Loki actually whines in frustration, trying ineffectually to tug out of Mobius’s grip before fixing him with a scathing glare. “Nothing. I’m fine,” he growls. “Are you going to fuck me or not?”

“Actually, no. Not if you don’t tell me what’s gotten into you,” Mobius tells him flatly, punctuating it with an unimpressed look that makes him turn his face away. “This isn’t like you, Loki.”

“How would you know what’s like me?” Loki snaps, finally yanking his hands out of Mobius’s grasp and storming across the room. “A few months and you’re an expert now?”

“I think I know you pretty well, yeah,” Mobius counters, “and I know when you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset,” Loki hisses in a way that does nothing to sell that assertion. “I’m just tense about tonight and need something to take the edge off. If you’re not interested, I’m sure I can find someone else.”

Mobius can’t quite suppress a wince, but he summons what mettle he can and stares defiantly back at Loki. “Sorry, not buying it.”

The look Loki gives him is pure ice. “You think I can’t? That I couldn’t call up any number of people and have them here at a snap of my fingers?”

“Oh no, I believe that part,” Mobius says with a humorless chuckle and an utterly mirthless smile. He makes himself stroll casually over to where Loki stands, getting into his space again. “I’m sure you could get just about anyone. I don’t think you will, though, because you won’t violate the agreement.”

The agreement—worked out between Loki’s people and Mobius’s people, and which they had precisely no say over—specified that neither of them would sleep with other people for the duration, no matter how discreet they thought they could be, because the potential for a leak was just too great. For Mobius, it certainly wasn’t going to be a problem. He didn’t fool himself that it would be the same for Loki. After Torino he’d written the sex off as a fluke, a moment of madness on Loki’s part perhaps, but when it kept happening he figured that the only reason Loki was sleeping with him now was because he couldn’t have anyone else. It made more sense than the alternative, that Loki actually wants him, of all people.

Loki stares at him for a long moment, his eyes dipping to Mobius’s lips in a way that seems almost involuntarily before he drags them back up again. When he speaks again his voice is so low it’s nearly a murmur. “How do you know I haven’t already?”

“Because I know you, Loki,” Mobius answers, just as quietly. “Maybe you are tense about tonight, but that’s not all of it. So I’m gonna ask again: what’s going on?”

Another beat. Loki looks off across the room, biting his lower lip so fiercely Mobius thinks he’s going to draw blood, and when he finally turns back he looks… shattered. “Tonight’s your final obligation,” he says, his voice unsteady. “Must be a relief.”

“…What?”

He swallows and sniffs, tipping his chin up in a weak pantomime of indifference. “No more performing. You won’t have to pretend any longer.”

Mobius can’t help it: he laughs. He doesn’t mean to, especially since Loki’s clearly upset about this in some way that he can’t quite figure out, but the whole thing is just absurd.

Predictably, Loki looks taken aback at this response. “What’s so funny?”

“Loki, I haven’t been pretending for months,” Mobius sighs. At this point, it seems silly to hold anything back. He might as well know. “I’m in love with you. So if you think tonight is going to be a relief, well. You couldn’t be more wrong.”

In all the ways he might have pictured Loki reacting to such news, he never expected him to look utterly baffled. “But…” Loki trails off, searching Mobius’s face; for what, Mobius doesn’t know. “You can’t be.”

“Oh, I assure you, I can,” Mobius says, smiling a little miserably. Loki’s just staring with his mouth hanging open, so he forges on. “Look, I know you didn’t want things to be complicated, and this is the exact opposite. I never wanted to put you in this position—”

The rest of whatever he was going to say is cut off when Loki kisses him again, and there’s some desperation in it, sure, but not in the same way. Not even close. Loki’s hands are holding either side of his face, long fingers digging into his hair, his kisses slow, deep, and utterly all-encompassing. Mobius has never been kissed like this, with such focus and care, with such pure emotion poured into it and leaking out with every gasped breath. Even when Loki finally breaks the kiss he presses their foreheads together, like he can’t bear any further space between them.

“Please, complicate it,” he breathes into the narrow gap, shifting his head slightly so their noses brush together.

“Does that mean…?” Mobius trails off, because it kinda feels like a stupid question, but still. He’d like to be sure.

Loki pulls back so he can look him in the eye as he says, “I’m in love with you, Mobius. I just never thought…” He glances down and gives his head a little shake. “You’re one of the few genuinely good people in this business, you know that? I don’t deserve you.”

“Hey, no. None of that,” Mobius says, cupping a hand around Loki’s cheek and urging his face upward again. “I won’t have you talking badly about the person I love,” he teases gently.

“Mobius,” Loki groans as he rolls his eyes.

“You are good, Loki,” Mobius insists, his expression sobering. “You are.”

He honestly expects more arguing, but Loki just looks off across the room, the corners of his eyebrows thoughtfully quirking upward in the middle. “I wanted it to be real,” he says quietly. “But the further things went, the more I convinced myself it never could be. That you’d never… never really feel that way about me. Even now, I feel as if this is some kind of fever dream. I’m going to wake up tomorrow and you’ll be gone.”

“I won’t be,” Mobius promises, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind Loki’s ear. “Is that what this was all about? One last hurrah before the end?”

“Something like that,” Loki admits wryly. Perfect white teeth dig into his lower lip as he slowly drags it through them. “I wanted it to be hard and rough. I wanted to feel you for days afterward.”

“Jesus Loki,” Mobius huffs, gaping at him in disbelief. He swallows hard, unsure of how to respond to that. “And now? What do you want?”

Loki lifts a hand to Mobius’s face, dragging a finger lightly along his hairline and down to the crest of his cheekbone. “Just you,” he murmurs. “In whatever way you’ll have me.”

How about that? It turns out that it is simple, after all.