#there was one drama that had 60 episode and it was still season 1

[blackgirlsuperherorants]

One more thing:

People keep saying that the live action has the same runtime (or similar runtime) as the animated series, but that is ignoring the way episode structure works in TV. It's not runtime, in TV.

Before we continue, my credentials are that I have an MFA in writing for film & television and I am a commissioned writer who has written TV episodes.

ATLA had 20 completed 30-minute episodes in season 1 (I know they were more like 20 minute, but in TV writing, people refer to series as 30 minute and 1 hour. A 30-minute usually has a 20-30 minute runtime, and a 1-hour usually has a 45-60 minute runtime. Sometimes, this is referred to as comedy [30] and drama[60], but that's falling out of style now that those runtimes are not as limited to those genres anymore).

Putting 2 full 30 minutes together doesn't make a properly structured 1-hour. 1-hour episodes have a completely different structure and still have to tell a full arc in their allotted time. 8 1-hour episodes is still 8 episodes, not a mashup of 20. That would be terrible TV structure, and trust me, it would've been a worse experience for the viewer.

You don't just... mash together all 20 episodes. You HAVE to mine the episodes for the most important story elements and use them to BUILD your story. If it was 20 1-hour episodes, there would be room to expand each of the original episodes. There just isn't in an 8 episode story. I don't know if what I'm saying will make sense to people who haven't written adaptations, but I can tell you that it makes no sense to think 8 1-hour episodes is the same amount of story space as 20 30-minute episodes. Each 1-hour episode has to tell a cohesive EPISODE of the story. It has to have a beginning, middle, and end. What's more likely to happen is what did happen, which is exploring moments that weren't in the og series and combining things from the og, while just keeping the plot of the original mostly intact. Honestly, the series had way more nods to the animated series than I expected.

Honestly, I wish they had 12 episodes instead of 8, because they could've let things marinate more... but yeah, I just need it to be understood that while the runtimes are similar, they're not actually equivalent.

(And y'all, I'm just rambling while I'm taking a break from writing a different project, which is driving me nuts, so if I sound ineloquent, my bad. I will clarify how the two are different in another post, if y'all want.)

[parachutingkitten]

No actually, time can't pass differently in the never realm.

Sorry Doc, but now that you're the one making lore tweets, you get the prolonged tumblr rants from me.

To be fair, he does seem to be handling things in a way I much prefer to tommy. Cryptic self deprecation at a (maybe?) mistake is always a better look than doubling down, so this is all incredibly light hearted, but here we go:

If time does in fact work differently, then I have to assume that means time is moving more quickly in the never realm. Zane gets sent to the Never-Realm, and in the time it takes for the ninja to follow, sixty years passes in the never. Great.

In show it seems like it takes maybe a day or two for the ninja to realize what's happened and follow after him. For some easy math, let's just round it out to about 6 days, meaning that each day in ninjago is a decade in the never.

Problem is, we see pix and wu waiting for the ninja to return. We have at least 2 incidents in ninjago taking place on separate days (The Absolute Worst and Kaiju Protocol), meaning at minimum, the ninja are gone for 2 days ninjago time, which would imply the ninja were in the never realm for 2 whole decades which... can not be true.

So, maybe I did some estimating wrong. What if it took the ninja a solid month to grieve their loss, and then realized there was hope and go after Zane? That takes the ratio down to about 2 years in the never for every ninjago day. 4 years is still an insanely long time which does not map up to what we see in the never realm. In MotM, the ninja refer to this and other missions as all happening within the span of "weeks", implying that not only do all these missions happen immediately back to back, but that their time in the never realm was no more than a couple weeks. Now, they may be referring to the time that passed in Ninjago alone, but the way it's phrased seems to imply the time experienced by the ninja themselves. It's phrased as a reminder that they haven't been home in a while, which they obviously wouldn't need to be reminded of, if they had spent more than a month or so away, nevermind 4 years.

But say that we assume the never adventure took place over the course of a full month in never time, the most I am willing to conceed before later statements don't make sense. That leaves us with a 1/15 ratio, meaning the gap between Zane being blasted away, and the ninja following after him is 4 years. That... can not be true. There is no chance it took Wu 4 years to go and visit aspheera for the first time. There is no way everyone looks the same, the team hasn't split up, and Pixal just happens to still be having plot relevant nightmares. There is no way the time skip between episodes 14 and 15 of season 11 is 4 times as long as between seasons 14 and 15.

All of this is not to mention, we're still using our extremely conservative estimate of the ninja being gone for 2 days ninjago time, which not only assumes that the absolute worst and Kaiju Protocol happen back to back, but also that the news broke to the papers that the ninja had left, it was printed, and a paper was discarded close enough to blow over prison walls, in less than a day.

So, unless "time passed differently" means that time literally started passing differently when the ninja entered into the realm, normalizing it to ninjago time... I do not see what this could possibly mean. We see a montage of time passing in episode 17 that shows us a day in the never is just about as long as we would expect, if not maybe longer. The only way I can think that this might make sense is if people in the never realm refer to a day as a year- meaning Zane was corrupted for maybe 2 months max. And that kinda undercuts the drama a bit, don't it?

Btw, any way you slice it, formlings definitely age differently. Akita's tribe gets frozen as winter comes to the never realm, when she's a child, and 60 years later, she is a teenager seeking revenge. Which for those who care (me, I'm saying this for me), means if you like the 'Lloyd has life extending Oni blood like his dad' HC, Akita may be a decent choice to ship.

I do appreciate his attempts to make this the canon answer, as it does feel less stupid than the time travel thing. The 60 year blast from tommy feels inherently random and without purpose, and so comes across as a plot hole filler more than anything else. Unfortunately, this explanation is pretty impossible unless you want to introduce some MAJOR time skips to the timeline, or change the 60 year timeframe all together.

Anyway, the consistent time difference is impossible, and Akita has a very long expected life span. Unless they explicitly decide to kill her off, there is no reason to believe she is dead.

[elgatodeltren]

hi hi since ur poll ended, can u tell us what the right answer was?

https://www.tumblr.com/elgatodeltren/719796414805344256/for-all-of-my-non-dndads-followers-which-of-the

Sorry this is late, of course I can!!!

The correct answer was “Taylor Swift’s mom stars in a breaking bad anime remake.” More information about each of the answer options is included below :)

A man is murdered over a deez nuts joke

True. This was a major event near the end of season one (episode 66, thank you @mikeystrawberry!!). Basically, Glenn had pulled a sick deez nuts style joke on the Main Villain earlier in the season (episode 60). In retaliation, the bad guy disguised himself and orchestrated an opportunity to get back at him with a different deez nuts style joke and then killed him with magic.

Glenn Close/Morgan Freeman/Jodie Foster love triangle

True. To be clear, these are people with the same names but UNRELATED to the real life celebrities. Glenn (a rock and roll bard dad) was married to Morgan (who we unfortunately know very little about), but due to alternate universe shenanigans Glenn was erased from existence. In this timeline where Glenn didn’t exist, Morgan fell in love with Jodie (a Highway cop slash actual literal demon) instead. Now, all three are alive (ish, it’s complicated) and Jodie and Glenn are both in love with Morgan. This happens in the back half of season one but comes up again in the second season.

Five teenagers in a polyamorous marriage

True. Let me explain. So, these five teenagers are in outer space with no space suits. One of them has the idea to use the spell banishment, but that spell only works for one person. Another player says that “if we’re married, we’re all one person in the eyes of the lord!!” And the DM decides to agree with this logic. All five teens get married in outer space so they are able to banish themselves back to earth (season 2 episode 34). As of now, they are all still married. Two of them ARE related to each other but like don’t worry about it.

Teen High School has horse stables for popular kids only

True. There’s a running joke in season 2 episode 4 that the school has like, special amenities for popular kids (shout out to the episode guest star Elyse Willems). Toward the end of the episode, Elyse establishes that she has a horse who is kept in the school stables.

Real life Fortnite battle royale

True. The dads find one of the sons in this “For Knights” tournament in the forgotten realms (season 1 episode 17). The DM created mechanics for the different zones and building structures.

A boy with a skateboard for feet named Yeet

True. Yeet Biggly was another competitor in the Fortnite tournament. One of the sons also has a crush on him. Yeet has a sister named Killa Demall.

Christmas is celebrated in hell

True. After Glenn is murdered over his deez nuts joke, he goes to hell but introduces them to Christmas (specifically, Christmas music).

Taylor Swift’s mom stars in a breaking bad anime remake

False. As established in season 2 episode 1, Taylor Swift’s mother Cassandra IS an anime voice actress, but there has been no mention of a breaking bad remake.

Among Us has been adapted into a stage play

True. In season 2 episode 11, the substitute drama teacher distributes copies of Samuel Beckett Jr Jr’s Among Us play to the teens.

[ncisfranchise-source]

Brian Dietzen‘s Jimmy Palmer wasn’t always destined to be an NCIS series regular. In fact, he was only booked for one day for his late Season 1 debut on the hit CBS drama as the late David McCallum‘s Dr. Donald “Ducky” Mallard’s assistant.

While speaking with Decider about his work on the show with McCallum, Dietzen tells us, “There was a prospect of the role of Ducky’s assistant being kind of like the drummer for Spinal Tap, meaning there would be a different one just about every week, that he would be going through them like crazy.”

Thankfully, that never came to fruition.

After shooting a scene with the show’s original chief medical examiner, both McCallum and the show’s creator Donald Bellisario picked up on their chemistry, leading to Dietzen’s status as a recurring character who eventually became a mainstay just ahead of Season 10.

Following McCallum’s passing at age 90 in September 2023, the CBS series planned a tribute episode in his honor, co-written by Dietzen and writer and executive producer Scott Williams.

Dietzen, who had previously co-written a couple of NCIS episodes alongside Williams, tells us he was “honored” to help pay homage to McCallum.

Still, he admits there was one harsh reality of developing this particular episode: “This is the episode no one wants to write,” he says, “because that means we’ve lost someone important to us.”

Now playing the chief medical examiner himself, Dietzen reflected on the notable on-screen mentor-mentee dynamic he shared with his late co-star, emphasizing Ducky’s “encyclopedic” nature while reminiscing about the “teachable moments” passed on to him.

“And, because it was David, he always wanted to infuse curiosity within Ducky,” he tells us.

As for how their off-screen camaraderie influenced the upcoming tribute, Dietzen says that their “relationship had a lot of similarities” to that of their characters, noting that he “learned a hell of a lot from David over the years.”

“Having 20 years of friendship to draw from and knowing that there’s a lot of people out there that never even met the guy but felt like they knew him, and loved his work and loved him over the years, dating back to the ’60s,” he says. “I knew that a lot of people felt the same way that I did about him, and I wanted to do honor to that.”

The episode, titled “The Stories We Leave Behind,” follows the cast — whom Dietzen lovingly refers to as “the NCIS family” — navigating the loss of Ducky by “working on one of his unfinished cases involving a woman whose father was dishonorably discharged from the marines,” per the episode synopsis.

Dietzen emphasizes that they “definitely wanted to have a real NCIS ” installment as opposed to “a clip show of old Ducky scenes,” and “thematically, [they] wanted it to be linked up to the themes of loss and the themes of thinking of the stories that someone has left behind.”

“When we lose someone, what do we leave on this Earth? Those stories,” he says. “And sometimes those stories are embodied as human beings, such as with this case, [when] this Marine’s daughter is left behind.”

As for the stories Ducky left behind, some of which are woven throughout the episode, Dietzen quips, “God knows there’s a ton of them.”

“The guy talked a lot,” Dietzen laughs. “Ducky was never one who was short on words, so it was wonderful to be able to go back through all these episodes and reminisce.”

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Danger Force Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 1

Episode 2: Say My Name

Season 1 Masterlist

Click for vibes

*I'd like to take a moment to thank the Danger Force writers for absolutely fucking the timeline I perfected in Henry Danger. I get that it's supposed to be funny, but our doofus wasn't alive in the 60s! This is just me rewriting every plot hole they stupidly made and offering some kind of explanation for them. Hopefully, it works???*

~The Man's Nest~

Well, this was awkward. 

Following the utter disaster at Swellview Prison, Captain Man and Miss Danger understandably were red-faced and humiliated. That night would go down as the worst mission in history, ending with an endless Frankini fashion show and many apologies to the cops when they reported an influx of crime. 

The city was appalled, and rightly so. The ones they'd employed and expected to keep them safe had freed the worst of society for their own sport, and now, they feared to go out after dusk - who knows who they'd meet in a dark, lonely alley? Every citizen wanted answers, demanding that their heroes be held accountable for their pathetic actions; after all, weren't they meant to fight crime, not free it?

So, that's why Ray and (y/n) grovelled, taking their seats at a desk in the Man's Nest, clad in full uniform and classic, apologetic pouts. The man couldn't stand it, thinking it wasn't his fault that Danger Force caused the worst jailbreak in Swellview history, but like City Hall said, (y/n) told him that they ultimately held responsibility. Their team, their rules, their fuck-up. 

He didn't have to like it - they just had to convince everyone that they were sincerely sorry. 

"--Wool, cotton, and nylon are all up, but polyester is down," Mary Gaperman said as she finished the last segment before KLVY cut to their exclusive interview with Captain Man and his pretty sidekick. Trent swore that no one cared, sitting beside her with a stony expression, preying for someone to end the pain of sitting through her report - he was waiting for the drama. 

"And that's the Sock Market Report," she finished, looking strangely serious for such a jovial topic. Still, they quickly moved on, the tension making (y/n) squirm in her chair. 

"Thank you, Mary. We now go to Captain Man and Miss Danger, live from the Man's Nest--" Trent sniffed dryly, cutting to the camera feed that showed the hero fiddling with his super-suit, only for his wife to clear her throat and nudge his arm. They tapped their earpieces, looking uncomfortable and nervous, knowing they were about to be scolded within an inch of their lives. 

"--to explain exactly what happened last night at Swellview Prison."

"Thanks for having us, Trent...Mary," (y/n) smiled, feeling her doofus reaching for her hand as she smiled politely, trying not to seem anxious. They strangled their gloved fingers together, glad to feel the warmth seeping through the thick fabric, reassuring her he was there. 

"Glad to be here. Thanks so much," Ray nodded, trying his signature Captain Man grin to placate their anger, but Trent didn't seem impressed. Mary, on the other hand...

"May we start by congratulating you both on your recent marriage," the woman smiled sweetly with her typical vacant expression. However, she still made the couple all blushy and shy, glancing at each other adoringly as they squeezed their joined hands and thanked her. 

"Captain Man, you broke a lot of hearts when you announced that Miss Danger was your wife...do you realise that you've taken the most eligible bachelorette off the market?!"

"Mary--Mary--focus, Mary!" Her colleague interrupted, wiping the smug grin off Ray's face since Trent's furious tirade meant he couldn't talk about his favourite subject - his sweet girl. 

He could go on for hours about her, recognising his privilege after wedding the girl of his dreams, making dozens of other men jealous. Anyone could see how in love he was, sighing contently and laying his spare hand over hers, holding her palm like it was the most precious thing in the world--until he ruined it. 

"We should be thanking them for taking time out of their busy schedules of letting hundreds of criminals out of jail." (y/n) cringed at how Trent phrased it, knowing that the niceties were over, and now, they were being chastised. The sarcasm made her stomach flip, fingernails digging into her knee as she sensed her doofus also tensing. 

"Let's keep in mind, Trent, that if inspirational movies have taught us anything, it's that the vast majority of the people in that jail were innocent," Ray argued, trying to smooth things over, but that just made things worse. 

"That doesn't help, doof..." (y/n) murmured under her breath. She was the type to sit there quietly and take the scolding, grovelling for forgiveness since she knew when she was wrong. Ray, however, was a man of the people and desperately craved their approval; like in every aspect of his life, he wanted to be in everyone's good books, whether it was his wife or his loyal fans. 

Even Mary found fault in his argument, quickly pointing out that this wasn't a movie, and half the villains weren't blameless. 

"Are you saying that all the criminals you both mistakenly freed were innocent?" She asked, making the heroine grit her teeth and crank her head to her husband, eyes hard and questioning as if trying to deliver a message to him. Really? Why would you say that, doofus?

"Criminals like The Toddler, Doctor Minyak, Arson Boy, Frankini--" she listed as the villainous names began to scroll up the screen, making the heroes sigh and shake their heads. Of course, they didn't mean it like that, but the news crew were excellent at twisting their words. 

"Well, not necessarily..." (y/n) said, thinking that they were just taking it too far when her doofus was clearly naive and innocent--doing his best at the end of the day. They made it sound like they couldn't make mistakes or defend themselves, sitting there like naughty children. 

"I'm not done," Mary replied firmly, shocking the heroine because they were always tight - friends because (y/n) felt sorry for her, knowing how mean and cruel Trent could be. Yet, it appeared that even Mary Gaperman's tongue could be pretty sharp. 

"Mr Nice Guy, Jeff, Lil' Mustache, Big Mustache, The Midnight Tickler, The Time Jerker, Trenchfoot--"

"Okay, look... We can talk about who escaped all day long," Ray sighed, wanting to move on since he knew about the criminals on the loose - he'd been fighting them for years, doing the cops' jobs. No one talked about that, but whatever; he just got on with it. What was the point of dwelling on the past?

"And we will!" Trent, however, was loving how the couple squirmed. Whether it was helpful or not, he continued naming names and pointing fingers, even though it wasted valuable time the heroes could spend catching the crooks. With a smirk on his oily face, he carried on Mary's list, counting every name on his fingers as the checklist went on and on and on...

"Sue Nami, The White Collar, Mr Guilty--"

"Okay, we get it! We need to catch Mr. Guilty, and we will, I promise," (y/n) scoffed, slumping back into her chair as she scrubbed her forehead on her palm, growing equally frustrated at how unfair it felt. she knew they'd done wrong, but the one-sided trial seemed unjust; it barely gave them a chance to redeem themselves. 

"How? You don't have Kid Danger to help you anymore," Mary noted, unknowingly throwing salt in a sore wound. Darkness instantly clouded Ray's expression, making him grumpy and vicious, still mourning the loss of the kid who was like a brother to him--like a son. He missed him every day, and he'd barely been gone a month, even making (y/n) grow silent as they clutched at each other's hands. 

"Don't you dare say his name," the man growled, hating how nonchalant the news anchors seemed, barely recognising their grief. 

He saw them at the boy's fake funeral, mourning his loss, but they didn't care, brushing off his death like it was nothing, and he hated to see how it affected his beloved wife. Maybe Henry wasn't dead, but he was a million miles away...or it at least felt like that. He placed a warm, comforting hand on his sweet girl's back, soothing her heartache as she wondered if her baby was okay, if he was eating or missing home...

"We have everything under control," Ray said calmly, trying to keep a lid on his temper, mainly when his snarl made Mary recoil slightly. He didn't want to flip out on national TV, but no one, not even some ditzy journalist, upset his wife...

"We have a new team. Danger Force," Miss Danger revealed, swiftly collecting herself to replace her despair with pride because she had new babies to focus on, even if she didn't quite feel the same for them yet...

"Yes, the ones who helped you and your husband free those very guilty criminals," Trent sneered, spitting the word out like the sight of her holding her doofus' hand made him gag. 

"Well, as we speak, Danger Force is combing the streets of Swellview to find those criminals," Ray revealed in a clipped tone as it grew increasingly difficult to remain civil. He didn't like the guy's manner or insinuations. Still, he controlled his temper for his sweet girl, her presence soothing his frustration. 

It might have been risky to send the kids to recover some criminals alone, but what choice did they have? Captain Man and Miss Danger were busy, and besides, they said they were more than qualified, making up for their mistake. After all, it was their fault that they were in this mess...

"Why aren't you out there helping them?"

"If you must know, we have a couple's massage scheduled today..." the hero sniffed, saltier about delaying their appointment than having to do the interview. He'd been looking forward to it, knowing his wife deserved rest and relaxation...and maybe his wandering hands when the masseuse wasn't looking. What he would do to see her in nothing more than a towel, soft skin glowing from the scented oils, sighs and moans falling from her lips from the massage. 

"I'm so sorry..."

"We didn't know," Trent and Mary quickly apologised, looking deeply ashamed of themselves for doubting the heroes when they already had plans. It was a little bizarre, making (y/n) quirk an eyebrow since that was what they decided to feel bad about. Still, she let it slide, tummy tingling at the thought of seeing her doofus wearing nothing but a fluffy robe. 

"We forgive you," she replied sweetly as Ray grabbed his drink - a weird beverage recently hitting Swellview's supermarket shelves. It looked like regular milk, like anything from a cow. Yet, it had a shocking, tongue-sizzling twist, which only the most ridiculous of inventors could've come up with. 

Spicy milk was the latest craze, tasting exactly as it sounded - strange. While it tricked the tastebuds and probably wasn't good for your health, it was strangely addictive. As Ray took a sip, (y/n) looked up at him with those big round eyes, channelling that cat from a famous movie, her tongue darting out to smack her lips together, indicating she was thirsty. He paused, mid-sip, glancing down at his wife and instantly knowing she wanted some, even though the carton was beside her. 

It wasn't like she wanted her own glass--oh no, that would be too easy. She never wanted her spicy milk, just a taste of his, often resulting in her finishing half the glass. If he was a stronger, crueller man, he would've told her to pour some more, but he wasn't, offering the rim to her mouth so she could drink her fill. 

It was endearing, watching as she gulped it down, swearing it tasted better coming from his glass--or it was just nicer to share. Pulling away, (y/n) licked her lips, smiling up at her lover contently as she leaned back, ignorant of the swooning fans at home as they watched the wholesome interaction, wondering where they could get a spicy milk-sharing man too. 

"So, after my wife and I have our massage and a nice glass of spicy milk--"

"Ooh, I love spicy milk!" Mary exclaimed gleefully as Ray took another sip, noticing the half-empty glass after his sweet girl downed half of it. Still, anything to make her happy...

"Who doesn't? Fresh from Swellview's famous spicy cows," Trent said rhetorically, knowing that the bizarre concoction had flown off the shelves after its release, taking Swellview by storm despite its zesty flavour. It burned...at both ends...but no one could stop drinking it. 

"Yeah, anyway--we'll get out there and help Danger Force round up the criminals if we even have to," (y/n) moved on, refocusing the interview as she ignored the pain on her tongue, wishing her doofus had chosen a soda instead. Stealing his drinks when he drank liquid fire was hard, but she couldn't help it - it was one of their earliest forms of affection. 

"Yeah! Any minute now, I'll bet our team is gonna come walking in there and say, Captain Man, Miss Danger, we got 'em!" Ray smirked, trusting the plucky children to make him proud after sending them off with simple instructions. 

Find a villain, safely incapacitate them, and bring them home. Don't die.

He didn't see what was so hard about that, but maybe that was because he'd done it for years. Enthusiasm didn't count for much without any skill, so (y/n) wasn't so sure, giggling nervously as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and proudly pecked her cheek. These were the same kids who blew a hole in the jail wall after gatecrashing their mission; she didn't have much hope. 

"Captain Man, Miss Danger, we got 'em!" And for good reason, too. Just as Ray's lips left her supple skin, Miles burst through the door, his energy and excitement suggesting that he'd nabbed some great villain - Doctor Minyak, The Time Jerker, hell, maybe even Jeff. 

The couple spun around, hoping to see success, but her brows furrowed when (y/n) saw the boy trotting toward them. There was no bad guy, no prisoner in sight, yet Miles' hands weren't empty. He carried a large baking tray filled with food, which strangely looked like slow-cooked chicken wings, given that he was also wearing chicken wing sunglasses. The heroine felt her stomach drop, and it wasn't because of the delicious smell...

"Ooh, right on time. Who'd you get?" Ray asked smugly, wanting the news team to get a good view of his apprentice's catch--to rub it in their faces that their heroes were competent, but instead, he was humiliated again. 

"Not a who, but a what! And that was is some wiiiiiings!" Miles cheered after dumping the silver tray in front of Miss Danger, making her jump when the gloopy, sticky sauce splashed on her skirt. Wiping it off, she licked her fingertip, wrinkling her nose when another hit of spiciness assaulted her tastebuds, and her face fell in disappointment. 

Not to be the negative one, but was Henry ever this...difficult?

"You're supposed to be rounding up criminals," she told the boy through gritted teeth as Chapa floated down the stairs, looking equally pleased with herself. Neither child recognised how the couple tried to keep up appearances and stay calm in front of the cameras so the anchors didn't see something was wrong, parading like everything was one big joke. 

"We were!" Chapa replied happily, circling Ray with another tray of chicken wings before setting them down before him. Of all the things that made them look like idiots, this had to be the most embarrassing, both adults gulping and grimly glancing down at the food as Trent and Mary gawped. Oh, the press would have a field day...

"No criminals at the wing store!"

"Just these bad boys! Am I right?!" Miles cheered, high-fiving his friends as she munched on the fried meat and shouted, only noticing the cameras and live monitors when (y/n) cleared her throat. 

"Oh, hey! Are we live?" She asked brashly, not even bothering to mind her volume since it was Captain Man's gig, and she didn't recognise the issues of being an idiot on national television, too busy riding on a superhero high. She leaned on Ray's shoulder, forcing the man to separate himself from his sweet girl since her body weight pushed him into his wife's space too much, turning the interview into a circus. 

"Yes, we are..." the man replied meekly as Miles poked his head between the lovers, ignorant of how (y/n) fell forward into the greasy tray or how the chicken stained her uniform. 

"What up, newsers?!" The boy shouted boorishly, throwing his greasy fingers up toward the camera as he loudly chewed on a wing, hideously uncouth and unruly for the world to see. Worse still, the news ticker at the bottom of the TV monitor said it all, proclaiming that Captain Man and his lovely wife were losing control of their interview, all thanks to their incompetent team. 

"It doesn't seem like you have everything under control," Trent remarked as the couple tried to quieten the rambunctious children, pushing them away from view with no success. 

"No, no, we've got everything under control. We're taking this situation very seriously," (y/n) replied with a stern finger despite her flustered expression and burning cheeks. As much as she tried to appear calm and collected, her furious glare said everything, especially when she whacked the chicken wing out of Miles' hand and slapped Chapa's knuckles when she tried to take another one - a picture of no control. 

"Will you two behave?!"

"She's dancing..." Mary pointed out, making Ray turn around to see how a wingless and bored Chapa had started wiggling her hips and gyrating her arms to a silent beat. She looked ridiculous yet refused to settle down when (y/n) scolded her, continuing to roll her body even as Ray glared. 

"She's not supposed to be dancing! She's supposed to be looking for criminals!" He growled, not that the girl cared. She felt invincible in her armour, especially after patrolling the streets as the city's newest hero, so who was Captain Man to tell her off?

As Chapa partied and Miles took another snack, Mika burst in, looking as frazzled and high-strung as usual. Fabulous; it was just what Ray and (y/n) needed--another child running rampant, but at least she had the decency to focus on the mission. She'd checked everywhere, but without training or knowledge, finding any criminals worth their time was impossible, so she returned humiliated and empty-handed. 

"I lost them at the wing store, but I--" Mika exclaimed as she hopped down the stairs, only to freeze when she saw the holographic screen. "Are you doing an interview?!"

"Yes! Live!" Ray replied sharply, not knowing whether to look at the girl or the screen, making him look cutely panicked. Still, there was no time for (y/n) to coo over his little pout as Mika gasped and immediately dropped to the floor, feeling awful that she'd been caught in the background. 

It didn't matter, not when her brother and Chapa were causing chaos, but she still ducked, sliding across the floor on her tummy like she was doing the worm. 

"Now both of them are dancing," Mary frowned, thinking the girl had joined her friends, mistaking her good intentions for mischief. 

"Yeah, this is, uh...this is their victory dance!" (y/n) lied, instantly regretting her words since they sounded so lame, but the kids went with it - perhaps a little too far. 

"Which we'll do on our enemies' graves!" Chapa exclaimed darkly, making everyone gulp because it wasn't Captain Man and Miss Danger's usual style. They weren't so deadly typically, capturing and controlling villains without ever stooping to their level because killing was cowardly. Superheroes worked with grace and compassion, which someone really should've said to the girl. 

"Oh my!..." Trent murmured as he and Mary visibly recoiled, shocked by such violence from a seemingly innocent child. That was the last straw, and Ray turned around to send them away before they said or did something else to ruin their reputations. 

"Get them outta here!" He hissed to Mika, hoping that she, the smart one of Danger Force, could take her wild friends somewhere else, but she was instead...clumsy. 

While Chapa and Miles danced around like idiots, she tried to grab their flailing hands, only to accidentally push her twin into a board holding a map of Swellview. He hit the tiled ground hard, sending the board clattering across the smooth stone, too, making more noise than when he and the red-wearing girl were messing around. 

"You guys are causing a scene!" Miss Danger told them in an uncharacteristically rude voice, feeling more stressed than she had in years, and that was saying something. She was naturally nervous, but she'd faced bad guys and ghouls, sat for dozens of interviews, and posed for hundreds of magazines, even facing her murderous ex-boyfriend. Still, none of that made her feel like this--like she was utterly helpless with zero control. 

"Oopsie!" Mika squeaked, shuffling on her hands and knees to try and mop up the mess before her teachers got even angrier, but it didn't help. 

"Captain Man, Miss Danger...it seems your team is embarrassing itself once again."

"You know what, Trent? Let me explain something to you about Danger Force," Miles snarled, interrupting the interview before Ray or (y/n) could reply, ignoring their attempts to placate him. He boldly stood between the couple, glaring at the dark-haired man as he sat back in shock, slightly frightened by his mean glare. 

"We don't play by your rules, old man!"

"I don't see why you had to bring my age into this..." the news anchor replied dryly as the comment rolled off his back since he had a thick skin regarding troublesome interviewees. He wasn't offended, but it didn't look good on the heroes' part that one of their protégées was hurling insults, unchecked and unchallenged. 

But it didn't matter. Before Miles could respond to his quick, calm quip, he shoved another chicken wing in his mouth, a violent, eye-watering heat suddenly assaulting his tongue. His hands flew to his mouth as the tube beeped, signalling that someone was coming up, but Miles didn't care, feeling like his mouth was melting to the movement of Chapa's dancing. 

"Too hot! Too hot! It's burning my mouth!"

"I got The Toddler!" Bose announced as he happily sauntered on-camera, smiling at his friend as he ran off, clutching his tongue for some reason. The kid was too ditzy to care, proud of his capture because this was the one Captain Man said was their number one priority, although nearly impossible to find single-handedly. 

"What? You got The Toddler?!" Ray gasped, eyes bulging out of his head as he stared at his sweet girl, and his dumbest student walked behind him, holding his captive. Even Mary and Trent looked at each other in surprise, wondering if they'd poorly thought of the new heroes too quickly as Bose planted the short person in front of (y/n). 

While she couldn't see their identity due to the mask the boy had shoved over his face, her tummy told her something wasn't right. In her experience, The Toddler wasn't one to get captured by some amateur, not without good reason, and as this criminal stood patiently before her, she noticed how small they were, barely meeting the middle of her chest. And was that...giggling she could hear? Not even one witty comment or "well, well, well..." coming from the guy...

"Wait a second..." she muttered before yanking the hood from the criminal's head, only to see that her suspicions were correct. 

The poor thing, they weren't even a criminal or an adult. Her frown melted, and a grin replaced it as she saw a little boy smiling up at her, pearly baby teeth twinkling as he giggled and reached out to stroke her face, clearly having been in the wrong place at the wrong time when a dimwitted sidekick came along. He was adorable - who could ever think he was evil?

"This isn't The Toddler! It's just a toddler!" She sighed as the boy giggled, fascinated by her soft features and shiny outfit, and it was enough to make her broody side go haywire. She liked kids - God knows she was around them enough - but she could hardly congratulate Bose for taking someone's child and expect a reward. 

"Do I get a treat?"

"No!" She exclaimed, petting the toddler's head as he prodded something cool on her utility belt. 

Ray watched closely, escaping his immense frustration momentarily to watch as his wife smiled at the little boy, whispering comforting words and stroking his chubby cheeks while chaos reigned around her. She handled things so much better than he did, looking so perfect as the child crawled into her lap, babbling nonsense that she agreed with anyway. Did he dare to admit that his heart soared at the picture?

"I need milk!" Miles' panicked pleading broke him out of his daydream, having broken into a sweat once the spice became too much. He was dying, begging for something fatty to soothe his tastebuds, and Chapa was quick to help. 

"Here's some milk!" She told him, dashing over to the interview desk to grab the red carton Ray and (y/n) had been drinking out of, urgently handing it over without reading the label since her friend needed it so badly. 

"No, that's spicy milk!" The woman exclaimed worriedly as the toddler hopped off her lap, eager to explore his shiny, glowing surroundings now that the lovely lady was distracted. But it was too late for Miles; he downed the milk without thinking, although he instantly regretted it when the liquid scalded his inner cheeks and tongue, coating his tunic and tender flesh with flowing fire. 

He screamed in pain, looking like something out of a horror film as the milk soaked his face and uniform, seeping into his eyes from how he tilted the carton too far. He ran off, screaming for Chapa and her devil drink to stay away and accidentally crashing into the map again as Ray sighed. 

His sweet girl rested her forehead on his shoulder as Bose and Chapa began dancing, Mika running after her brother with a damp cloth to try and wipe the spice from his eyes. The toddler stared at the elder children with wide, wonder-filled eyes, glad he'd been taken from his dull stroller for this adventure, not that Captain Man would agree.

Turning back to Mary and Trent, he offered a tired smile, looking every bit the overworked, underpaid, outnumbered father he was, patting his wife on the head as she closed her eyes. The interview was a disaster; she didn't care who saw her. 

"It's under control," the man nodded, smiling through the pain as the reporters sat back, thoroughly convinced the Captain was out of his depth. And you know what? Ray thought they were right.

~Later that day~

Once they'd wrapped up the disastrous interview, Danger Force didn't see Captain Man and Miss Danger until after lunch. Undoubtedly, the man stomped off with his sweet girl traipsing behind, needing to cool off before he saw their faces again. 

He was furious, having had enough of Trent's smartass comments and Mary's unintentionally offensive question, and had marched off to their bedroom before someone or something blew up his temper. (y/n) calmed him down, snuggling her doofus on their bed while he grumbled about being a laughingstock, but that didn't mean he still wasn't mad. 

And the kids felt terrible, offering the boss their apologies when they finally emerged past noon, looking a little bedraggled and breathless, but that went over their heads. Ray graciously accepted their apologies, guiding his diligent pupils into SWAG without considering the embarrassment they'd caused him, putting his fury behind him. 

Until it came to the lesson of the day. 

Perhaps it was a little Victorian, but he put them to work as punishment - an hour of sparring for all the memes now circulating Twitflash about Captain Moron. It was hard, sweat work, yet the hero merely sat and watched, nibbling on a bowl of miscellaneous snacks with his sweet girl on his lap as the children whacked at punching pillows. 

(y/n) took precautions, knowing she couldn't argue, and it wasn't like they didn't need the fighting practice, but she gave them protective gear - thick boxing gloves and hard plastic helmets. She didn't want them hurt, even if Ray couldn't care less. 

"Keep it goin'..." the man said flatly as he ate another chip, cradling his pretty wife as she nestled into his muscular embrace. He didn't give a fuck, his bored gaze passing over the exhausted children as their energetic attacks became weak punches, barely slapping and kicking their opponents, but he wanted more, feeling joy only when (y/n) pecked his jaw. 

"Put your back into it..."

"We've been doing this for too long!" Miles groaned and yanked off his helmet. He was finally fed up with his teacher's unenthusiastic directives as they worked themselves to death. It must've been nice to sit on a chair made from a gym ball, barking orders as his wife fed him cheese puffs. 

"Yeah, how much longer do we have to practice fighting?" Chapa asked as her friends took a much-needed break, staring at the unimpressed couple as (y/n) glanced away from her phone and threw another chip into her mouth. She wondered when they'd get grouchy but made no move to leave her lover's lap, practically melting as his bulky arms clenched and flexed around her body. 

"As long as I say!" And, God...if his grumpy voice didn't do things to her. 

"I feel like you're mad..." Bose suggested gently, making the woman's lips twitch at his innocence, even if it infuriated her husband even more. 

"Mad is an understatement," she giggled, frustration simmering in her stomach, but she hid it better than Ray. While she wasn't so mean, she did believe the kids needed a lesson, knowing they wouldn't last a week with regular missions. She shifted in his lap to face them, hearing the grump behind her grunt as her ass ground down until her back rested against his chest. If he was fury, she was fairness, keeping him in check. 

"You guys embarrassed me and my sweet girl on the news!" Ray grumbled, stuffing his face with food to numb the pain. He didn't want to be in public for weeks until the heat died, preferring to cower between the sheets with his wife. She didn't laugh so harshly like everyone else, too sweet and soft to be mean...

"Why do we even have to practice fighting? We've got superpowers," Chapa asked, showing her open, spark-free palm, but this time, even (y/n) frowned, folding her arms as she gave the girl a curious look. She thought the answer was obvious...

"Yeah, and you're super-trash at using them," her doofus retorted before she could express her disagreement, making her snort at his speedy wit, which wasn't typical of him - the man who thought it was pronounced supposably. She tried to hide it, clamping a hand over her mouth to smother her giggles, but that didn't stop the kids gasping and frowning at his burn. 

It stung more than they cared to admit, but it showed on their faces, and they didn't appreciate how (y/n/n) laughed, rubbing salt in the wound as her cocky husband shrugged. 

"If you were trying to offend us--congratulations, ma'am and sir..." Bose sniffled, and he was the one (y/n) genuinely felt bad for. The kid walked around in a daydream, aiming to please and following his friends like a well-meaning sheep. But as much as (y/n) wanted to be sincere and comforting - like it was in her nature - Ray merely shook his head and tucked his nose into his wife's neck, inhaling her fragrant scent to calm himself down. 

"You know what, Danger Force? Let's show these guys what we can do!" Mika said, turning to her friends with her typical defiant attitude, pursing her lips as the couple looked up with tired yet interested eyes. Oh, they couldn't wait to see this...

"This should be good..." (y/n) sighed, wiggling in her seat as she sat straighter, unphased and unafraid in the face of their combined strength. Her movements made Ray grunt, his hand squeezing her hipbone as the other tightened around his snack bowl - he was more concerned about spilling the chips and remaining pubically decent than their attack. 

However, their lack of fear didn't phase the team, who took their places in a line, much like they'd done at Swellview Prison. They prepared themselves, Bose's fingers raised to his temples, Mika's held up to her face. At the same time, Miles mentally readied himself to teleport, and Chapa's rage sparked her electricity. And still, Ray didn't budge - neither himself nor his precious wife. 

"Oh, here it comes..." he sighed, gaze barely bothering to flicker over them as they went for the attack--if it could be called that. 

Honestly, (y/n) expected it to be bad, but this was dire. Worse than she imagined, making her confidence in the team plummet. Mika's scream wasn't super-sonic, not even a tenth of the ferocity when she blew the jail wall down, more like a gentle breeze that tickled her face and made Ray's hair flutter. 

"There it is, everybody. Strap in."

Chapa's electricity was more tickle than shock, illuminating her fingers but travelling no further. She could growl, shout, and curse all she wanted; her fury wasn't strong enough, barely generating enough power to make her hands glow, so Ray didn't need to worry about protecting his sweet girl. Her tummy wasn't even tingling, signalling no threat here. 

"This is embarrassing..." she muttered, watching with an almost disgusted stare as Bose tried to lift the chair from under her and Ray.

With his fingers on his temple, he wanted to make it move, using the techniques she'd shown him to raise pencils and peanuts - light objects since it was clever to start small. However, moving the big, bulky chair burdened with a big, bulky man and his wife wasn't easy, making his muscles strain. His head hurt like a migraine was throwing a salsa party in his skull, and the chair didn't even move - a waste of energy. 

"Miles, are you in a Journey concert?" Ray asked as he fed (y/n) a chip, laughing as the kid fisted the air, almost like he was jamming out at a rock concert. He wanted to move, but unlike when he couldn't stop his random teleportations, this time, he couldn't budge, not even an inch. 

"Bose, do you have to use the potty? Because it looks like you need to make a boom-boom," he added dryly, moving his criticisms onto the boy next to him, highly amused by how he squeezed and strained to make something--anything move. 

The whole situation shouldn't have been so funny, the hilarity mixing with despair for the couple because this was their team. Even when Henry was powerless, he could still fight, but this? This was like sending babies into battle - soft, squishy beings who thought they were invincible. 

But something did come of their efforts. As they all tried to attack the couple, the pot of pencils sitting on the lectern toppled over, spilling across the floor and making them cheer in victory since someone hit it - and they had to take wins where they could find them. 

"Oh, no. Help. Death by pencils..." (y/n) retorted sarcastically, staring as the yellow graphite rolled across the floor. She couldn't even be bothered to feel impressed that they'd managed to hit something, knowing they'd have to be tidied up.

"I'll keep you safe, darlin'..." Ray joked, curling around her body and smooching her neck, grossing the kids out with the loud, smacking noise of his lips and tongue meeting her skin. They gagged when she squirmed and laughed, but as much as she claimed to hate it, she still moved closer, too engrossed in the addictive affection to focus on who knocked the pencils over. 

"I moved those with my mind!" Bose exclaimed gleefully, ignoring how his stomach lurched at the couple's love to celebrate how he'd managed to use his power. Those practice sessions had helped, but everyone else begged to differ...

"No, I zapped them over!" Chapa argued, even though no one had seen any bolts leaving her hands. 

"I knocked them over with my scream!" Mika shouted with a bright smile, still ecstatic that she had a superpower, having had few opportunities to test it out, and none of them were successful. She hadn't found the proper technique to activate it yet, but maybe, just maybe, she'd managed a mini-scream while aiming at Ray's smug face. 

"Actually, I teleported over, knocked them down, and teleported back. Points for Miles!" The boy on her right boasted, looking particularly proud, no matter how implausible it was for him to make it to the lectern and back unnoticed. 

His impossible feat caused an argument, making his friends yell about how full of it he was and how they'd obviously pulled it off instead. They were so loud that they were giving (y/n) a headache, her hands reaching over her ears, and she couldn't take anymore, not when they were arguing over nothing. 

"Hey, hey, hey! Shut up!" She yelled over them, sounding like an enraged mother as she nearly rose from Ray's lap, only for his arm to stay anchored around her waist. He couldn't bear to lose the weight of her, not for something as dumb as a childish argument, and even if it was just for a few more seconds, he wanted to hold her close. 

"Guys...you were trying to hit us! Who cares if you hit the pencils? They weren't the target, but if you can't even get your powers to work, let alone aim... we're screwed."

"(y/n/n)..." Mika murmured, hating to see her disappointed. As much as Ray was the boss, (y/n) was the sun, cheery, bright and beautiful; her warmth helped them grow and feel safe, and most importantly, the world of the Man's Nest revolved around her. Everyone, especially Ray, strived to impress her and keep the sun smiling, and seeing her so dejected was like the room grew cold and loveless. 

"Hey! You know what, guys?" Ray butted in, pulling his wife closer like he was shielding her from all the negativity. He appeared happy, smiling and bouncy like his puppy, but it fell. 

"If we ever get into a fight with an army of angry pencils...we'll probably have to do everything ourselves..." the hero sighed and placed the chip bowl on the floor, looking utterly disappointed and defeated - a rare sight for the unbeatable Captain Man. 

(y/n) tried to cheer him up, kissing his forehead and cheeks when he sat up, but the awkward moment didn't last long. An alarm rang in the classroom, dusting the walls in red light, warning the children and teachers that hero work was over and this was meant to be a school.

"Stranger approaching... School mode activated," an automated voice spoke, and the argument vanished. 

There was no time for petty disagreements, and the kids dashed into action, instantly running to throw all the equipment into Schwoz's tube system, cleverly hidden in what looked like a regular cupboard. Anything with Captain Man's logo turned into dust in the tube, the genius' nanotechnology keeping everything neat, tidy, and swift. 

"Let's go--let's go--let's go!" Ray whispered urgently, clapping his hands as (y/n) slid off his lap and hurried to help them, making room for the classroom furniture - normal stuff like desks and paper. 

They threw the boxing gloves, pads, and mats into the cupboard, glad it could all be shoved in without finesse. Once everything was tucked away, everyone stood flush to the walls, allowing the tables and chairs to return to the floor, giving the room a kooky yet believable classroom feel. 

Ray and (y/n) even had their own routine, looking more like junk store owners than teachers, and they didn't go in for that anymore. The heroes raised their arms as two sleek suit jackets fell from the ceiling, one tailored for his broad shoulders and the other cut in a more feminine style. 

They slipped down their bodies in a rehearsed yet efficient manner, fitting the couple perfectly as they wiggled to get them on properly. (y/n) was particularly fond of them, remembering how she stitched the school's crest on the pocket while dreaming about how the blue blazer would match his eyes--too handsome for her heart to take. 

The board faded from hero stuff to schoolwork, depicting a paragraph on World War One, a diagram on the physics of a ping-pong ball, and a drawing of a triangular prism. Ray grabbed a ruler, and (y/n) slipped on a pair of glasses; they were set, looking studious and wise like real professors - just in the nick of time, too. 

"Okay, everyone, act normal...or as normal as you can get," the heroine told everyone as she and her doofus approached the front door, taking deep breaths since they weren't too confident in doing teacher-y things. 

Whether they should hold hands was something they ignored, needing the contact to remain calm and attentive. At the same time, the kids draped themselves over their desks, channelling the well-known boredom from a math lesson or history lecture, not that Ray could teach either. 

"Hey, hi, hello, yes, hello, hi--can we help you?" Ray rambled once he'd gained the courage to briskly open the door, only encouraged by his sweet girl squeezing his hand. 

Instantly, he didn't like the guy staring back, noticing he was taller, lanky, and not bad-looking, rather handsome by most women's standards - not that he had anything to worry about in (y/n)'s books. Admittedly, he didn't look like much to her, wearing a delivery company's uniform as he smiled politely, even tipping his head at her like a suave gentleman. Still, she didn't like how he stepped over the threshold and into the room. 

"You're interrupting the school day--lesson--learning. The children are learning..." she stammered, losing her cool when the strange man smiled at her, seemingly staring into her soul like he knew something...more. 

The kids agreed, grinning politely at the stranger like normal pupils, not four unruly brats embroiled in a dispute with their overprotective mentors. It was funny to see them all staring back; like curious meerkats, it was apparent that they rarely got visitors, not that the audience spooked the delivery guy, who studied the classroom and its occupants carefully. 

"What are you learning?" The man asked, outwardly harmless, but something seemed off about him. Ray definitely didn't like how tall he was, towering over him by another three inches at least, and that was saying a lot, given his six-foot frame. Maybe it was the paranoid supe in him, but he suspected everyone of something - perhaps he was a villain in disguise. 

"Biology."

"Nohe of your business."

"Books..." the children's varied replies came, puzzling the man even further, prompting more questions in his frown, not that the adults gave him another chance to speak. 

"Who are you?" (y/n) asked curtly, folding her arms as the dude peered down at her pleasantly, leading to Ray draping his arm over her shoulders, coating his sweet girl in his scent and toned muscle. He'd punch a guy if he needed to. Yet, he wasn't interested in flirting, moving past the woman with a dismissive grin, more interested in the classroom. 

"Just a guy..."

"Well, what are you doing here?" The hero pressed, mildly irritated, when he saw that the guy was literally called Guy. Everything about him screamed ordinary, but there was still that weird vibe, especially when he looked straight past Ray and at the room again. That stung for a guy so used to commanding attention wherever he went. 

"Just strollin'. Saw this school. Thought I'd stroll in and ask some questions."

"Oh, slow your stroll...guy," (y/n) quickly stopped him when the stranger tried to push his way into the school, acting a little too nosy and suspicious for her liking. And Ray didn't like when she had to put a gentle hand on the guy's stomach to keep him in the doorway, growling lowly in his throat when he recalled how those fingertips had trailed down his abs earlier that morning...and lower. 

He really didn't like this guy but didn't get his chance to throw him out on his ear. When (y/n) pushed Guy away, the toddler ran into the room, still roaming SWAG and the Man's Nest because Bose hadn't returned him to his family, so he was just running around, loving life...with a pair of giant scissors. 

"Is that your kid?" Guy asked the couple, spotting their matching golden rings and assuming they'd procreated the little hell-spawn flying between the desks, dual weapon in hand. 

"Scissors!" The little boy cried happily as Ray and (y/n) sighed, hearts fluttering at the thought of the pitter-patter of tiny feet sounding in their halls. Still, it was drowned out by the worry of the toddler falling and cutting his face off. Did his parents never tell him not to run with scissors? And giant ones, at that?

(y/n) gasped as he twirled the scissors behind him, threatening to chop Danger Force's legs off, and she swiftly jumped into action. It was funny to see her running after the little boy, cooing for him to stop and wait for her, but the chase was like a game to the kid - he just giggled and kept going. 

"Get outta here!" Ray exclaimed angrily, shoving Guy out of the door so he could go and help his sweet girl with that scissor-wielding nightmare. Luckily, the delivery man didn't fight much. He slipped onto the porch before Ray slammed the door in his face, stalking toward the front of the classroom as his wife struggled to catch him. 

"What is that toddler still doing here?" he asked sharply--mainly looking at Bose since he brought him home. It wasn't like he hated the idea of people assuming they were parents, but he knew his kids would be much cuter - they would be part-(y/n), after all. 

"Bose, we told you to take him back to where you found him," she said exasperatedly, catching her breath when she failed to grab the boy. He was too fast, zipping under desks and out the door before she could scold him for being so dangerous. 

"And I told you I can't remember where I found him," Bose replied curtly, stressing that in his infinite wisdom, he'd made a slight mistake. It was a mistake that had Ray practically pulling his hair out and (y/n) rubbing her red eyes for the millionth time, knowing they would get so much shit for this. 

Of all the things he could've done, kidnapping someone's baby had to be the worst thing--it's what sent people to prison, heroes or no heroes. 

"We have bigger problems than the fact that Bose kidnapped a child and gave him giant scissors..." Mika said, plunging the couple into deeper worry because that sounded like rock bottom. 

"What could be bigger than a felony? Y'know, judges don't like people who steal babies!" (y/n) groaned, already planning a move to Cuba with her doofus in case the cops came banging on their door. But the girl didn't seem too bothered, flicking through the built-in PearPad on her desk and seeing some troubling news. 

"(y/n/n), I just got a GuGu alert."

"Hang on, I'll alert the free press," the woman replied sarcastically, wondering what her social media had to do with their misery, but Mika quickly showed them. She flicked her screen onto the board, mirroring the post that had her pretty face looking so worried, and it wasn't good. 

"The video of Ray and (y/n)'s interview earlier went viral. They gave us stupid names!" She exclaimed as the couple studied the video clip of Trent and Mary, pondering what she meant. Well, they did act like idiots in front of thousands of people; the internet could be cruel...

"What?!" Chapa gasped, but Mika didn't elaborate. Instead, she hit play. 

"Breaking news! A disastrous interview on KLVY, and this time, it wasn't Mary's fault."

"That's right, Trent. Mary did good!" The video started with the usual grump and his beaming colleague, who was very pleased with herself for not screwing up for once. Rather, the heat was on someone else, and she was happy to let them have it if it meant the mean trolls left her alone. 

"But you know who did bad? These kids, who ruined an otherwise perfect interview."

"Once known as Danger Force, these kids are now being called Oopsie Girl, The Wing Wimp, Spicy Milk, and Gorgeous Hair Boy," Trent reported, (y/n) watching as the kids' faces fell into deep, uncomfortable frowns, groaning as their embarrassing photos were shown. 

It was unfortunate, knowing that they'd done this to themselves. The heroine gave them an empathetic smile, remembering when she was known as Captain Man's friend, Female Kid Danger, or just That Woman for the first few weeks of her career. The names were cruel and offensive, but the last one - Bose's nickname - made her uneasy, wondering who was looking close enough to notice the kid's lush, silken locks. 

"Ugh, when will people stop talking about my gorgeous hair?" He grumbled as if it was a bad thing, but judging by the light blush on his cheeks, (y/n) guessed that he didn't like people treating him like some himbo object. Of course, he was a person, not just cute dimples and long hair. 

"It's, like...my eyes are down here, people!"

"I do not want my superhero name to be Spicy Milk!" Chapa snapped, abruptly pushing her chair back and stomping toward her teachers, wanting them to do something about the cruel taunts since they had status, power, and respect. It was all right for them; they had cool names. 

"I object to The Wing Wimp in the strongest possible terms!" Miles agreed, gathering near Ray and (y/n) too, thinking it wasn't his fault that he ate too many chicken wings and burned his tongue out. It was an accident, but most memes are...

"Well, have you thought about what you want your names to be?" (y/n) asked as Ray curled an arm around her hips, slipping his hand into her back pocket so it sat snuggly on her ass. She tried not to let it phase her, brushing over the move as he stood there, smiling happily as his fingers tapped her squishy flesh. 

"Yes!" Mika declared excitedly, having literally thought about nothing else. 

Obviously, they knew who they wanted to be - it was all they could think about. Finally, reaching a stage where they were fit to go out and fight crime with fully-fledged superpowers and heroic names was the dream. They'd stayed up until midnight once, pitching wicked ideas until they were deemed good enough for Ray's standards. He wouldn't work with losers...

"I want to be ShoutOut 'cause once I shout--you're out!" The girl explained with a smirk, making the couple glance at each other, humming appreciatively. That one wasn't bad...

"And I'm AWOL because just like that...I'm gone!" Miles said dramatically, mimicking how his superpower made him disappear in the blink of an eye. Much like his sister's, his name was interesting, although the couple didn't show emotion...yet. 

"I'm Volt because..." Chapa growled, opening her hands so her electricity could do the talking, even though the name was self-explanatory. However, nothing happened when she commanded her fingers to spark, leaving an awkward pause when she realised she looked stupid, standing there with crooked fingers and no zapping. 

"Okay, hold on..."

"Right..." Ray sighed, not needing any more since he got the picture, but the girl insisted. So, he and (y/n) waited, turning to Bose. Meanwhile, she cursed herself for failing in her big moment, forced to let them picture the electricity whilst the man patted his wife's butt affectionately. He loved her cute little heinie...

"And I'm Gorgeous Hair Boy!--" The confused kid announced, making the teachers frown because he seemed so sure of himself--until he thought about it momentarily, his face twisting into an innocently merry grin.     

"Wait, no! I'm BrainStorm because I'm smart...Wait, no!" He said, a little confused, but he had spirit. Nevertheless, his name was also pretty innovative, reflecting his power and abilities rather than his intelligence, which didn't matter in the heat of battle. 

"So...what do you think?" Mika slowly asked the couple, seeking their approval since they had the knowledge, experience, and, most importantly, the last say. 

"We think..." (y/n) replied, equally slowly as she turned to her doofus, instantly lost in his crystal blue eyes so they didn't verbally communicate, but they didn't need to. Such soulmates knew what the other was thinking, knowing the other approved, so they just eye-flirted, giving each other goo-goo stares while the kids waited in suspense. 

"Those names are pretty swet!" Ray grinned, praising the kids as they jumped in victories, agreeing they'd created unique and personalised aliases exceptionally well. 

They chatted briefly, basking in the happiness of finding the names they'd use for the rest of their superhero lives. However, in the excitement, they didn't notice someone creeping into the room - surprisingly silent for someone so tall but certainly unwelcome...

"Well, then, you're in trouble." A deep voice rumbled behind them, spooking the group as they jumped to see Guy, the weird delivery man, standing near the back room door. He must've snuck in that way or climbed through the window and had been eavesdropping without them noticing for a while, an impressive feat when dealing with hardened heroes. 

"Because if the news says your superhero name three times, that's your superhero name for-ever!"

"How the hell did you get in here, Guy?!" (y/n) exclaimed, still wrapped up in her doofus after he pulled his hand from her back pocket like it was burnt, swiftly shielding her with his body as he scanned the random dude for threats. He couldn't work him out, so he just stuck to glaring, hating how he spoke the truth. 

Weird; for just some guy, he sure as hell knew a lot about hero life, offering wisdom like he'd had firsthand experience. 

"Yeah, our security system's incredible!" Ray exclaimed, petting his wife's pretty head to try and calm her down, despising how this schmuck made her jump. He'd knock him out for messing with her nerves, but he'd kill him for smirking about it, almost challenging him with those amused brown as he stared down at Captain Man, who, for once in his life, felt small. 

"I know..." the guy smiled, looking like a boy on Christmas as he buzzed on the spot, weirdly excited about something... "I built it!"

"What?" They all frowned, but he didn't give them any longer to question it. 

To their horror, the man bent in half and grabbed the skin of his neck, yanking it grotesquely until it began to peel away, almost melting his face as another one was revealed. His entire head came off, and his body shrank, leaving a much smaller, less handsome guy in his place, one they knew all too well. 

"WHAAAAAT?" Ray's jaw hit the floor, his eyes widening, and his arms falling limply around his sweet girl as everyone stared at Schwoz. Genius Schwoz. Inventor Schwoz. The Man's Nest's resident weirdo Schwoz. Schwoz, whose disguise was so brilliant that no one even knew it was him, and all it was was just a bit of latex and a couple of stilts. 

They couldn't believe it, choking on their saliva as he giggled, thoroughly satisfied that he'd managed to trick them and even made Ray jealous. Honestly, he hated any guy whom his sweet girl looked at, except for little old Schwozie, the least threatening but cleverest guy around. 

"Schwoz?!"

"Yes, it's me, Schwoz!" The small man smiled at Chapa and the other kids, taking the old name tag off his shirt to show his real name underneath. 

"I was just pretending to be Guy to make sure you all followed the security protocol," he explained as Ray grinned, forgetting all of his suspicions and hate to praise his handyman. He'd tricked everyone through and through, and whilst (y/n) was still reeling from the shock of watching a man rip his face off, her husband loved it. 

"Well, were you also just pretending that if the news says our dumb names three times, they become our real superhero names?" Miles asked worriedly, hoping that part was another hilarious prank. The Wing Wimp sounded like such a loser...

"Ohhhh, no!" However, the genius just laughed, killing all hope in the boy, whose smile quickly dropped. 

"No, I don't joke about names. Only faces."

"Schwoz is right. Back before I was known as Captain Man, I was almost known as Angry Punch Guy," Ray revealed, making (y/n) giggle.

She vaguely recalled that time, but it was difficult to remember when Swellview was without its famous hero, and she didn't really pay attention to his exploits until he stole the headlines every day. And even then, she didn't care about such a womanising bighead until they met on that fateful day... Would she have fallen for him if he had called something so...stupid?

"Why would you call yourself that?" Mika asked, thinking it was strange, much worse than Captain Man, but maybe that was because she'd grown up with the name everyone knew and loved. 

"He didn't. Trent Overrunder did, though, twice. And he almost said it a third time..." (y/n) explained, rolling her eyes as she remembered the incident, one of the first times that little spandex bastard caught her attention. He wasn't as impressive in those days, hardly the man she fell in love with. 

"Well, what stopped him?"

"This doofus intervened..." she told Miles, who sensed something more to what she was saying, given how she fought a teasing smile, one that hinted at something more than a silly name. 

"He got a liiiiittle visit from Angry Punch Guy," Ray added with a smirk, turning to the whiteboard as he flicked through some folders - Schwoz Fails, Hot Toks, Honeymoon <3, Angry Punch Guy - and clicked a video onto it with his remote control. Instantly, the kids knew it was from the archives, shocked by the grainy quality and the fashion--God, the fashion. 

Was this the modern day or the sixties? Ray wasn't even that old, deeply confusing the kids as an ancient-looking Trent appeared on the screen, a thick thatch of hair on his head and an old-fashioned moustache tickling his upper lip. His hideous maroon suit matched the outdated decor, making (y/n) sigh. She forgot about how things were that year...

"Dozens of protestors flooded the streets, but their free speech was thwarted by pro-war activist and Swellview's newest superhero, Angry Punch--" the man reported, only to be interrupted by a quick, brutal fist slogging his cheek. 

Wearing a garish bejewelled purple and green outfit, Mary looked up to see this new hero, who wasn't exactly the man the kids knew. It looked like Ray, but if he fell into a pit of flower-power, boogies, and peace signs, his old-style Captain Man uniform open in a V-neck, flared in the trousers, and sporting long yellow tassels on the sleeves. 

He looked ridiculous, and no one, except the adults, knew why he looked so old for a twenty-something-year-old guy. 

"That's not my name, dig?" Even his voice was different, slightly squeakier, and it held a smoother note like some hippie pothead - it screamed of the sixties. 

(y/n) rolled her eyes as she watched her future husband saunter up to Mary, both looking stupid as he hitched his leg onto the table and stared down at her from under his spherical afro. She didn't know what he was thinking, glad that the sixties fever only lasted a few months in the early noughties when the throwback was in vogue. 

"Now, let's disco, baby!" Yeah, there was no way her fourteen-year-old self initially had a crush on Captain Man, not when he danced like a grandpa on the news with Mary Gaperman. They danced to a retro song, crooning his chosen name, shimmying to the beat in their bell-bottom clothes, bringing back so many memories for Ray. 

His early twenties were unique, but Captain Man didn't have it easy originally. 

The kids and his wife stared as the hero launched into a groovy dance, swinging his hips and arms around as he recalled the summer of the swingin' sixties, even though he had to rework his image once autumn came. They didn't know what was worse - the hideous clip or how his body was moving...

"How old are you?" Miles asked, utterly disturbed by what he'd just seen. He couldn't believe (y/n) married someone so...weird, swearing that while he had the face of a guy in his late forties, he had to be, like...sixty, right?

"Next person who asks me how old I am is going to get a little visit from Angry Punch Guy! Who is thirty-s--thirty. Thirty!" Ray quickly replied, ceasing his dance to sternly threaten the kids, who knew how touchy he was about the O-word despite only knowing him for a few weeks. 

No one believed him, not missing how he stumbled over his numbers, and how could he lie when his sweet girl was next to him? She didn't care how old he was, thinking he was the kindest, cutest, hottest, doofiest man she'd ever met, and if he was thirty, she was twenty-four again. Yeah, right...

"Thirty-nine, doofus. You're thirty-nine, and I'm thirty-three," she smiled softly, giving him a tight side hug as he sighed, not liking how it sounded out loud. He was so old, yet she still seemed young...not that (y/n) saw it that way, turning to the kids with a besotted smile as she clung to her beloved doofus. 

"As weird as it seems, that was two-thousand-and-one when Ray was twenty. Everyone in Swellview went through a phase of loving the sixties--it was a whole thing. But it got old veeeeery quickly, thank God..." She smiled, glad they could laugh as Ray blushed, embarrassed that he thought his afro-hair was a good look. 

"I might not have accepted your job offer if Angry Punch Guy turned up at the cafè looking like that."

"You didn't think I was handsome back then?" The man asked, quirking an eyebrow at his wife as she giggled, recognising his slight panic. The thought of very easily losing the precious moment when he met her freaked Ray out, wondering what his life would've been like if his scrawny, tacky old self presented himself to the pretty college student. 

"Nah...I prefer you now. You've hit the gym since then and lost the flares..." (y/n) winked, reaching up on her tip-toes to join their lips as she fondled his bicep, ignoring the groans from Miles and Chapa. While Mika thought it was sweet and Bose was...Bose, they hated the PDA, glancing away when their teachers flirted. 

Jeez, when Schwoz said they were in love, they didn't think it was this gross. They made their parents look like they hated each other...

"So..." Mika said, a twinkle in her eye as the husband pecked his wife's forehead, calmer with her than he was with anyone else. She didn't know how Miss Danger did it, but she tamed his heart and soothed his temper, making serenity out of chaos in a man her mother said was bad news for the female kind. 

"How did you get people to start calling you Captain Man?"

"He just got the most popular person in Swellview to say my name on the radio..." (y/n) replied, her ear against Ray's chest, listening to his heartbeat, as she smiled at the girl like it was the most obvious thing in the world. They didn't have smartphones when she was young; the radio was the it-thing. 

"The radio? How old are you---" the girl laughed, snorting at the notion of something so old-fashioned. But she quickly realised her mistake when Miles tapped her arm, the vowel sliding as she tried to cover the insult before the couple's mildly insulted faces. 

"--Unicorns when they get their horns? Oh, I just remembered--it's seven!"

"Cute, but, uh...we didn't have social media when I was a kid. None of those Clip-Clop video things or Insta-Tweet...things," the heroine replied, really showing her age as she tried to think of the hip stuff the modern youth engaged in. She liked the radio, although streaming apps were helpful for all her rad tunes...

"Who did you get to say your name on the radio?" Chapa asked firmly, redirecting the conversation away from Ray's sore point...and (y/n)'s weird slang choices. 

"A DJ named Cayote Jake," the hero replied with a smirk, thinking that man was the coolest guy ever. His sweet girl couldn't agree, thinking he was an ass. Still, he'd helped her husband earn his rightful name, so she allowed him to play the old video, flicking through another handful of digital folders. What was The Bro Song? And Honeymoon *Spicy*? What was in there?

"Ah--oooooo!" The animalistic cry brought back old memories, making the couple smile nostalgically as the audio file played. It was only a minute or so long, but (y/n) knew Jake's style like an old frenemy, his brash voice assaulting her ears as Ray grinned. He still thought he was cool...

"Yeah, baby! It's Cayote Jake comin' at ya! In the studio with me right now is the hero who's fixin' the high-five Nixon--Captain Mannnnnnnn!"

"That's right. I hate commies, but I love mommies..." Ray's lips moved to his old catchphrase, making (y/n) sniff and clear her throat. 

They howled together, sounding ridiculous, so she had to tell herself that her doofus was an idiot back in the day - running rampant for every mother in the tri-state area, but that was before he met her. He wasn't her doofus then. 

"Oh my God!" Mika exclaimed, an incredulous yet awed expression on her face, which inflated her boss' head. 

"Yeah...that happened!"

"No, it's Ellis!" She shook her head, pointing at the little boy Bose had brought home, whose name they'd finally discovered. 

He'd returned from hiding after avoiding (y/n)'s clutches. While they were distracted with Ray's bizarre past, he'd clambered onto Chapa's chair, giant scissors still tucked under his arm as he fiddled with all the shiny switches. God, he was an accident waiting to happen, much more critical than Ray and his ego. 

Before anyone could do anything, the child pressed the glowing button on the armrest, activating the spring that sent him into the tubes in the ceiling. It was bad enough when he roamed the school, but the Man's Nest was filled with dangerous weapons and technology - not a playground for a preschooler. 

"Oh, God--how are we supposed to give him back if he's cut to ribbons?!" (y/n) panicked, clenching her lover's arm as he gulped. Danger Force turned to them, looking for instruction as they cringed, imagining the mess they'd be in if Ellis tripped with the blades facing him. 

"We should probably go get him..." Ray suggested sheepishly, and for once, no one disagreed with the hero, running to their stations without argument. As he and his beloved wife stripped themselves of their blazers and ran into the back room, the kids dashed to their chairs, Miles and Bose awkwardly sharing a seat since Volt stole the yellow one. 

Upstairs, the kids arrived first to see the little boy running in circles around the open floor. The gleaming point of the scissors glared at them from across the room, threatening to jab anyone who came too close. Ellis did nothing but tempt fate as his butter-soft leather shoes slid and slipped over the polished tiles, laughing innocently at his little game. 

"Ellis, you shouldn't run with giant scissors!" Bose cried as he chased after him, even though the boy was surprisingly speedy for someone with such short legs. And, of course, Bose wasn't the best guardian for the lad, reaching into his pocket to bring out a smaller yet deadly pair. 

"Run with these normal-sized ones!" As if that helped. The tube alarm rang, signalling that Ray, (y/n), and Schowz were blasting into the room in a short burst of air. They didn't look too happy as they trotted down the few steps, watching the long-haired boy chase after Ellis, causing more chaos than he solved. 

"We gotta get that kid back to his parents..." Ray grunted, knowing he was a more considerable liability the longer he stayed in his home. 

"Aw..." (y/n) pouted, not because she disagreed; the boy had to go home, but because she enjoyed his childlike energy, thinking it brightened the Man's Nest in a way that couldn't be achieved in any other manner. Still, she wasn't delusional, knowing the time for babies would come one day when things weren't so crazy, and they'd undoubtedly be half-sweet-girl and half-doofus, not stolen. 

"After I stop Trent and Mary from ever saying those names again," Chapa growled, taking out her case of gum to transform into Volt - decidedly not Spicy Milk. She didn't care if Ray and (y/n) had such a minor problem; their superhero careers were at stake. 

"You'd better hurry. The two-thirty-eight news starts in twelve minutes," Mika advised her, knowing the peculiar and oddly specific news timetable like the back of her hand. No one asked why, but she had all the weird facts, making her brother gasp at the late hour. 

"It's two-twenty-six already?!" He exclaimed as he and Ray checked their watches, but nothing stopped Chapa. Without another interruption, she snapped into her scarlet uniform, feeling good but looking better. 

"All right, I'm out!"

"I'll drop you off--with my superpower!" Miles offered, looking at the adults with a sour smile like he wanted to prove a point. It wasn't a good idea since his teleportation was patchy at best. Still, he didn't care, wanting to rub successful transportation in their doubting faces. 

"I'll believe when I--woah!" (y/n) giggled, thinking she knew better, predicting that something would go wrong, and it did. 

When the boy raised his fist in the air, he and Chapa disappeared in a golden flash, just to reappear between Schwoz and the happy couple. They pushed apart in shock, but luckily, the heroine's foresight told her to jump before they piled on top of her, seeking solace and safety in her husband's embrace as he yelped. God, he really needed to learn how to do it correctly. 

"Maybe you should walk..." Miles told his friend, patting Volt on the shoulder as she stared at him, her face pale and gaunt after such a short yet mind-boggling trip. She couldn't describe how it felt to teleport. Yet, the closest description was her innards becoming her outtards whilst the gizzards were set on fire, making her want to throw up and cry all at once until the dizziness faded. 

But she didn't argue, knowing he was probably right. So, she hopped up to the tube, hitting her belt to make the glass fall around her, eager to get going. 

"Down the tube!"

"so, while Chapa takes care of Trent and Mary, Miles and I will go find the most popular person in Swellview," Mika said efficiently once her friend had left, aware that they'd only save their reputations if they worked together. She believed in teamwork and all that mushy stuff...

"Lucky you 'cause you're looking at him," Ray was quick to boast, smirking as he pointed his thumbs at himself, confident that he'd top the popularity list as the city's favourite hero. But the siblings and Schwoz weren't so sure, giggling with (y/n) at the bigheaded man as the genius pulled up a list from the internet, and it seemed that the Captain had been dethroned. 

"You're not the most popular person in Swellview..."

"You shut your filthy mouth, Schwoz," Ray hissed, hating how the small man always argued with him, but (y/n) quickly put him in his place, curbing his rude tone. She hugged his arm and kissed the edge of his shoulder, using all her wiles and allure to break the news gently. 

"No, look, doofus!" She told him, directing his attention to the holographic monitor, which showed the top five most famous people in Swellview - those trending on all the social media sights.

He was on it, ranking at number three, above someone called Officer Jamz, a policeman known for his breakdancing, and Benny, a dog known for his hats. His face fell at such a low ranking, pouting at how his popularity had dropped. But he wasn't too mad at who was above him, seeing Miss Danger's smiling face in the number-two spot. 

"Oh my gosh, (y/n/n), you're the second most popular person in Swellview!" Mika exclaimed, nudging the woman in the ribs as she shrugged. That didn't mean much to her. She wondered exactly how they measured her fame, so she faced her husband, giving him her cutest, fluttering eyelashes to melt his fury. 

"Sorry, doofus. I know I took your spot..." she said softly, stroking her hands up his chest as Ray studied the screen, but he didn't look mad. Instead, he glanced down with an enamoured smile, kissing her nose with as much love as he always had. 

"S'okay, darlin'. You know I love seeing you on top of me..." he whispered with a sly wink, laughing as she buried her burning face in his chest, praying that the children didn't understand his true meaning. Luckily, they didn't pick up on it, merely seeing a man teasing his wife - all good fun. 

(y/n) quickly recovered, swallowing her embarrassment with a few rapid kisses from her husband, needing his peppermint-bubblegum taste to wash away the heat pooling in her cheeks. She returned to the screen and its most important feature, looking at the girl who'd claimed the throne - the most famous person in Swellview, and (y/n) had no idea who she was. 

"Who's Natalie Mazdah?"

"Oh, she's the girl who was recently on the same flight as Emma Watson," Miles exclaimed, not expecting two oldies to know who such an influential celebrity was, and indeed, they didn't understand. Since when could someone leech off someone else's stardom? 

"Oh, her? Can't compete with that..." Ray shrugged, vaguely knowing the name since every teenager talked about her when he was out and about, but he didn't care. Maybe he was a little salty that someone so inconsequential had stolen his thunder, but with his sweet girl squeezing his arms and staring at his washboard abs through his shirt, he knew some things were better than fame. 

"She's probably at that new restaurant that only serves foods that are blended," Mika guessed, recalling how she'd been meaning to visit the newest hot spot in town since anyone who was anyone gathered there, but she hadn't the chance...until now. 

"Hip Hop Purée?" Miles suggested, knowing the joint she was talking about - all about the music, people, and odd food craze, and his sister nodded, knowing her celeb gossip like a computer. 

"Mmm-hmm, she holds court there every day, starting at two-forty-two."

"But that's only fourteen minutes from now!" Schwoz gasped, checking his PearPhone as Miles did the same, blanching when he saw how they'd been standing around chatting for too long. These kids really liked their specific times, down to the minute and second. 

"It's two-twenty-eight already?!"

"Yeah, you two better get going," (y/n) told them, urging the kids to get up the stairs and into the tube. With Ray's barked commands and furious clapping, they ran up to the tube pad without another word. 

Meanwhile, Bose returned with Ellis in his arms, finally corralling the little boy into handing over the scissors. God, that kid could run, and he safely handed him over to the heroine, who cooed and grinned at his gummy smile while Miles and Mika left. 

She looked adorable, bouncing him up and down, mimicking a rocket ship just to make him laugh, and Ray swore he saw his future then and there. He was the luckiest man on Earth, knowing she'd be his children's mother one day, although that wasn't now. Now, Ellis needed to go home to his parents, who were undoubtedly worried sick at his disappearance, leading to their mission - to find his home. 

"So, how do we find this little man's parents? You wanna go home, baby? Home time? Aww, yes!" (y/n) squealed, rubbing her nose against the boy's soft, Play-Doh-like cheek, blowing raspberries as her husband tried not to drag her off. 

She wasn't making this easy for him, showing the lad off for him to see. Still, thankfully, Schwoz carried on as he tenderly stroked the cornsilk locks under his beanie, dreaming of the day when he could call the child his own. 

"That won't be hard," Schwoz said, smiling softly when he saw how they interacted with Ellis, but he hid it well and said nothing. 

"I entered his genetic information into the Man's Nest computer and created an image of exactly what his mom looks like. We'll use this and go find her," he explained, handing his boss a photo of a beautiful blonde lady beaming at the imaginary camera. Well, at least she looked kind, and (y/n) hoped she wouldn't be too upset about two weirdos accidentally stealing her son. 

"She shouldn't be too hard to find now that we know what she looks like."

"Okay, so, me, you, and Bose are going to find this kid's mom," Ray nodded, still muddled with thoughts of building baby furniture, changing diapers, and filling bottles. It sounded divine but made him trip over his feet, Ellis giggling at the silly man as the lovely lady carried him over to the whooshy thing. 

"You okay, Ray?" Schwoz called out to him with a smirk, highly amused to see the great hero in a daydream just because he saw his wife holding a child. He thought he had more restraint than that, having been assured that he wouldn't be Uncle Schwozie for a while yet, not until things settled down. 

"I'm fine! God, Schwoz, leave me alone!" The man snapped harshly, furiously looking over his shoulder when the genius caught his minor mistake, a pink blush dusting his cheeks. 

It was humiliating to be noticed, feeling silly that something so small could distract him so easily, but who could blame him? It was his dream...

"Why so grumpy, doof?" (y/n) asked obliviously as she stood on the tube pad, ready to drop down. She held the little lad tighter, tucking his soft face into her neck so the mechanism didn't frighten him. Everything felt natural, caring for him like she'd done for years with the other children in her charge, stroking his back soothingly as her lover sighed but smiled. 

"Don't worry, sweet girl. Like I said, I'm fine..." he assured her, cupping her cheek to kiss her over Ellis' head, parting only when the boy cried and stirred at being squished. They chuckled at his antics and fussed him, looking like the picture of parenthood and domesticity before the tube fell, taking them away from Schwoz and his infernal teasing. 

The genius shook his head mirthfully, knowing that look when he saw it, even if they claimed nothing was wrong. He wasn't an idiot, already placing his bets for when they'd share the happy news - maybe they'd even name them after him - perhaps he'd be the godfather? 

"Jinkies, they've been married five minutes and already got the baby fever..."

~

As the various members of Danger Force struggled to keep their names from being Wing Wimp, Oopsie Girl, and whatever else forever, Ray and (y/n) had been babysitting Ellis all afternoon. 

He was a sweet kid, making them laugh as they bought a few pieces of baby gear to look after him properly, taking him to the park and shopping mall--anywhere they thought there'd be a crowd. No one seemed to know who he was or where he was from, making an otherwise pleasant afternoon too stressful for the couple to handle. 

As charming as it was to see him smile, hear his cute giggle, and play patty cake, they constantly had to watch over their shoulders to see if the cops were coming, knowing the longer they enjoyed the idyllic fantasy, the hotter the water they'd be in. 

That, and they also had to watch Bose all day, which was like watching two babies at once, something they weren't prepared for since the long-haired boy roamed like a ditzy poodle, sticking his hands in dangerous places, eating food off the floor, and talking to strangers. He was sometimes worse than Ellis, wandering off whenever they took their eye off the ball. 

It was no wonder that by the end of the day, they walked into Hip Hop Purée, desperate to sit down and rest, even as Miles and Mika ran themselves ragged, trying to talk to Natalie Mazdah and her posse. 

"Look, Raymond, all I'm saying is if you had brought the baby like I'd asked you to, we wouldn't have to stop here to feed Ellis," (y/n) told her husband tiredly as they stomped into the café. She couldn't believe they had to feed the poor kid puréed garbage, but they had no choice - Ray swore they wouldn't need anything from the baby store. 

Her shoulders ached from holding the lad in a baby backpack, yet she refused to admit defeat and pass him over. Her valiant doofus carried all the supplies; bottles, diapers, books, toys, spit rags - he threw it over his shoulder without complaint, so the least she could do was carry the baby. 

But they were tired and stressed about finding the mysterious woman in the photograph. She was beginning to understand all those parents she rolled her eyes at, wondering what could be so bad that they needed to argue in public. The struggle was real, and whilst she loved Ray with everything she had, his stubbornness versus her rationale for parenting rubbed her in the wrong way.  

"You know what, sweetheart?" Ray frowned, spitting out the word like acid, even though it didn't feel right. She was his beautiful wife; he didn't want to fight...but couldn't he catch a break?"

"You have been critical since the moment we left!"

"Don't fight in front of our boys!" (y/n) hissed, concerned that their harsh words would frighten the children around them, knowing they were more sensitive than they let on. 

Bose, as usual, was lost in his little world, marvelling at the fancy decor. However, Ellis sat silently in his backpack, peering at the world through his new shades until the silly man's voice became mean. Fat crocodile tears began to roll down his face as he wailed, feeling unsafe in the new environment with all the loud voices, prompting (y/n) to sigh. 

They made it look so effortless in parenting videos. 

"Well, I hope you're happy..." she retorted, moving to slide the boy off her back so she could comfort him. Her glare made Ray's guts twist into knots, hating that she was mad at him over something he couldn't control. 

Scrunching up his nose, he tossed the supply satchel onto the table, not giving a damn about its contents, as he placed his hands on his hips and bit his tongue, not wanting to scream in front of so many people. They shared a terse look while (y/n) bounced the surly toddler, murmuring in a high-pitched voice that it would be all right and that the big bad man didn't mean to frighten him. 

She didn't want to upset him, but Ray huffed, thinking the big bad man wouldn't be so frightening if his wife let him do more, noticing how she always held the boy, always did the feeding, always called the shots for naps, playtime, and burping. They were supposed to be a team, so why did it feel like he was on the outside looking in?

"Let's just sit down..." the hero muttered, barely having the strength to argue after a full parenting day. Maybe it was because they didn't have the spark of having their own child, but this wasn't how he thought it would be. 

Still, (y/n) didn't argue, carefully putting Ellis on her hip as she told Bose to sit down. The kid pulled out a colouring book and crayons from one of the bags, which had been bought for the baby, but they let him doodle since it kept him occupied and quiet - a blessing when the atmosphere was so frosty. 

With both children content and healthy for the time being, the couple took a sigh of relief, slumping into their chairs to let their bodies recover, only interrupted when a waitress came to take their order. They chose their food quickly, nothing seeming appropriate for a three-year-old, but they went with what they thought he would like, just wanting to get him fed rather than being picky. It wasn't like he really was their boy. 

For some reason, Bose was happy with anything, too busy colouring his fire truck green to look at the menu properly. Still, they went with it, forgoing any puréed mush since Ellis ate like a toddler - unsurprisingly.

Dinner time was a military operation with wet wipes and a fresh t-shirt on standby in case he dribbled or spat something back, and (y/n) was always prepared, reaching to grab the backpack while balancing the child in her lap. 

"Why don't you give him to me, sweet girl?" Ray asked as he watched her struggle. Bending down to reach the zipper while keeping Ellis upright was no mean feat, and he just sat there, doing nothing but watching Bose mismatch his crayons. It made sense for him to mind the baby, and it wasn't like he was terrible with kids, yet (y/n) just smiled sourly and shook her head. 

"I'm fine, doofus. Might as well be prepared before he vomits rather than after..."

"Yeah, but I'd rather not watch him faceplant the floor, so just pass him to me," he pressed, pursing his lips to remain calm, even as she ignored his offer. 

She clearly needed help, gasping under her breath when the child nearly fell, but she wouldn't admit defeat--no, she had to prove she was good at this. To whom she didn't know, but she wanted to be good at parenting, even if it was just keeping him uninjured before eating. 

"I said, I can handle him, Raymond," (y/n) replied, swearing when the zipper got stuck, and Ellis squirmed, uncomfy in her unsecured hold as his head wobbled from side to side. 

Ray sighed deeply, not needing to be psychic to know an accident in the making, so he reached out to steady the boy, taking his wife's wrist in his hand at the same time. He pulled her away from the blasted bag, unphased in the face of her scowl because as much as she thought he was the enemy, he wanted to help. She didn't have to do it all alone...

"Hey, I'm here to help, not screw you over. You don't have to take care of everyone, so let me help you, sweet girl. Give Ellis to me..." the man said firmly but softly, holding his arms to take the child as she debated it. She'd been cuddling him all day, and a break did sound nice...

Bose had paused his colouring, finally sensing something was wrong, and he watched as (y/n) bit her lip and squeezed the toddler before relenting, shuffling him down her knees and across the gap. 

"Okay..." the heroine sighed, gently cradling the kid until he safely slid onto her husband's knee, looking quite content against his muscular, broad chest. Now, Bose could return to his artwork, blissfully unaware of any other problems after they shared a brief but loving smile. 

Ray grinned down at the kid as his precious wife watched, softening her heart with how handsome he looked--how quickly he stepped into the paternal role, whether he claimed otherwise or not - a dad she'd definitely like to...fall in love with. 

With the child's weight gone, she could breathe again, stretching her spine as her doofus cooed, babbling in babyish to entertain him. He was good at it, pretending his leg was a horse and Ellis was a cowboy, riding across the desert with sound effects to match - a braying whinny and epic soundtrack coming from his mouth. 

"You know, doofus, to say you hated the thought of having another bunch of kids to raise, you're surprisingly good at it."

"What?" Ray blinked, looking up from the world of make-believe to see his wife looking at him like he'd done something magical. She hadn't smiled like that all afternoon, soothing the knots in his tummy as she tickled Ellis' chin before resting her hand on his thigh. 

"You're good with kids," she clarified, hoping the simplicity would make it through his dense skull, and it did, making Ray chuckle bashfully since he didn't think so. He was the last person he'd trust with a mini-human's life. 

"Eh...so are you, sweet girl. The kids...they, uh...like you," he replied awkwardly, not knowing how to say that their team worshipped the ground she walked on. And not only that, but the others did, too, becoming special enough to treat her like their adoptive mom, and he could see why. He married the sweetest girl in the world...

"I'd hope so, doof. It's gonna be pretty awkward if they don't like their teachers." They laughed at that, glad to finally relax after an eventfully stressful day. Ellis was quiet, fiddling with his fingers or the lint on Ray's sweater so they could just talk--and it was nice, no need to bite each other's head off. 

They felt terrible about it, hating when they fought, and Ray reached out to take her hand in his. He thumbed her wedding rings, reminding himself that he promised to wake up every day and see her happy, and he intended to hold to that, never wanting to be the reason she stopped smiling. The world would be a cold place without her radiant joy...

And then, deep in thought, he paused as she adjusted the boy's hat, caring even when she didn't have to. She'd make a wonderful mother, and whilst he knew it wasn't possible, he couldn't help but ask, reaching for the distant future.

"We could have one."

"Have one what?" (y/n) frowned, concerned by the deep etches in his forehead because her lover never thought that hard. She didn't understand, too busy fawning over how good he looked in that shirt with a kid in his lap to truly listen to what he was saying. 

"A baby." But Ray humoured her, rocking Ellis before gesturing to him, a hopeful shine in his eyes at the possibility- however small - she might say yes. 

Her breath hitched; hearing it out loud differed from dreaming during stolen moments in a crowded room when she chastised herself for moving too quickly. Knowing Ray wanted that warmed her heart and made her tummy flip-flop. But reason won in the end, rationality telling her that the last thing they needed was another mess-maker in their home. 

"Ray, we agreed to wait. We've barely been married a month."

"And what a month it's been, darlin'," he replied jokingly, waggling his eyebrows at all the fun they'd had together. He could honestly say that he'd never been happier, realising that for all his ambitions and desires as Captain Man, his reason for living was to be her trophy husband. And he didn't even care, willing to give her anything to ensure the happiness stayed.

"Seriously, though, look at this little fella. Don't you want one?" His smile quickly fell, though, as was appropriate during such a meaningful conversation. They'd talked about it so many damn times, but he couldn't help himself, not when she walked around like a...mom. The thought was enough to make him burst into flames. 

"I do, but not when we live in chaos," (y/n) nodded, picking her words carefully since she didn't want to hurt his feelings. It wasn't an outright no, but she saw things practically, highly aware that mere love and optimism didn't raise a kid when hellfire and villains were outside their door. 

"Oh, come on. It's not that bad..."

"Really, doofus?" She looked at her husband dryly, wondering if they'd been sleeping in the same bed for the past few weeks because they hadn't had a normal day since...forever.

"Chapa nearly took out the national grid last week when she sneezed. Mika can't go to a football game without knocking a pyramid of cheerleaders down like dominoes when they score. Miles goes to thirteen million countries per day. And Bose--"

"What's wrong with Bose?" Ray asked, believing the boy to be dense but not a threat. At least unlike his friends, his powers weren't easily triggered or deadly, neither were they likely to expose them all as superheroes, but (y/n) still wasn't convinced. 

"Well, nothing, but look at him, doof! He's eating crayons!" She exclaimed quietly, jerking her head in the oblivious kid's direction, and Ray saw that his precious wife was right. Drawing away in his happy little world, the hero cringed when he saw the waxy yellow stain around his mouth and red clumps sticking to his teeth - he thought they tasted like candy. And that boy was destined to be a hero, apparently. 

"A baby would be a bad idea right now..." she sighed, denying her heart what it sorely wanted, but it was for the best. If she got pregnant now, the kid would be lost in the crowd, trampled by the circus of children running riot in the Man's Nest. 

"I guess you're right..." Ray muttered, looking disappointed as Ellis' chubby, starfish-like hand stroked his stubbly cheek. It made him long for the days when they wouldn't have to worry about others - villains, heroes, civilians - they'd just be Ray and (y/n). And they'd be great. 

"But one day, right?"

"Of course. One day, we'll have a little Ray or (y/n) junior," his wife giggled, falling in love with the idea of having more doofuses running around for her to mind - any kid coming from Ray had to be adorable. But he shrugged, hoping they'd be a little more creative when the time came, despite his ego; he wanted his children to be their own person, no need to follow his every footstep. 

"You know, I've always wanted a daughter named Marabelle..."

"No names, doofus. Not until we're sure, or we'll be knee-deep in kids."

"Doesn't sound so bad..." he chuckled when (y/n) gulped, tummy fluttering at the thought of doing actual baby things, warming her cheeks. 

If she thought about it too much, he'd lead her into temptation, and God knows she was only hanging on by a thread, given that she was married to a Greek God of a man. Very little was stopping her from hitting the pillows and raising an army of little ones. But thankfully, the waitress arrived with their order before she could jump his bones. 

"Hi, I got your blended cheeseburger, blended Thanksgiving dinner, and an entire blended chocolate cake!" The hipster-looking lady said and placed the food--drinks?--in front of them, the mush looking cooler than it was since the cups looked like mason jars with straws.

The chocolate didn't look too bad, but the burger and turkey goop looked like cat sick, making (y/n) wonder if they'd come to the right place as she and her doofus murmured their thanks. 

"Oh, and here's some spicy milk to wash it down!" She added, putting the carton near Bose, although the heroine knew she wouldn't let Ellis have any - that stuff would make him puke. 

"Okay, thank you very much," Ray smiled briefly before reaching for the dark brown cup to feed the toddler, even though the cheeseburger was there. 

"You want a lil' sip of chocolate cake?"

"Doofus, he has to...drink all of his cheeseburger before he can have his chocolate thing," (y/n) told him, grabbing his wrist before he could put the straw near Ellis' mouth, knowing the boy would ruin his appetite with dessert. He needed some proper nutrition, if there was any, in the orange purée. While she didn't mean to be difficult, Ray pursed his lips at the interruption, his frustration from the hours-long argument resurfacing. 

"He's had a long day, darlin'," he replied curtly, wanting to get some food in the boy to stop his tummy grumbling. He wasn't a stickler for rules, unlike his wife, who frowned at his obstreperous mood - where did the laughter go?

"I've had a long day. Just start with the cheeseburger!" The woman argued, holding onto the blended cake so he couldn't give it to the toddler, but Ray refused to let go. They looked a little silly, and Bose looked up awkwardly to see them bickering again, seeing how the lid wobbled under their fingers. Even he deduced that the pressure was an accident waiting to happen. 

"Oh, let's make it about you!"

"Where's this coming from, Raymond? I just want him to eat something proper before a sugar meltdown!" They growled at each other, tugging the chocolate shake back and forth, too stubborn to let go. 

"Will you just--AH!" Ray grunted, trying to slip the jar out from her fingers, but when (y/n) let go, the lid popped off, sending its sticky contents all over his beautifully tight shirt. The chocolate gunk seeped into the blue fabric, covering his chest, shoulder, arm, and neck, too much to dap off with a napkin as the woman put a shaky hand over her mouth in shock. She didn't mean for that to happen...

"Ah, great!"

"Sorry..." she winced, not knowing whether to grab a tissue to clean him up or stay still, but Ray didn't leave it up for debate, ignoring her apology. Gritting his teeth, he sighed, trying to reign in his temper as the mess dripped onto his jeans, forcing him to leave the table as Bose and Ellis giggled. They found the goop funny...

"Here, just take him..." he told her quietly, quickly shuffling the lad off his knee as she gasped, shocked at his change in mood--and over a blended cake, no less. She shook her head at the argument, thinking it and her doofus were ridiculous. Still, she accepted the boy anyway, keeping her stare emotionless as he stood up. 

"Oh, so now I have to have him again? That lasted long..."

"Yes, I have to go wash this off!" Ray replied, gesturing to the sticky purée coating his torso, looking abnormally upset about something--something much deeper than having a drink thrown over him. He pouted at the spillage, hoping it wouldn't stain since he loved that shirt, wearing it when he wanted to draw someone's attention to his finer features. 

"I wear this shirt to make you check me out!"

"Well, it works!" (y/n) hissed in reply, trying to stay mad, but how could she when he admitted something like that? 

Her cheeks burned at being found out, having sworn her glances and stares were sneaky and subtle. But perhaps she'd gotten sloppy, looking at her lover's bugling biceps, toned chest, and rippling back for too long--and not to mention how she sometimes stared at his perky butt. She loved that shirt, smiling softly as he stomped off to go and save it. 

"He's a real sweetheart, huh, Ellis?" She mumbled to the lad, pecking his little forehead as he squirmed in her lap. It was hard to hang onto the argument when he had her in his thoughts in everything, and really, what were they arguing about anyway? Chocolate cake? It made her feel guilty and silly...

"Such a doofus, too..." But I love him, she thought, rocking the boy as she encouraged him to drink his cheeseburger, mentally reminding herself to properly apologise to her husband when he returned. 

In the meantime, Ellis got dinner and show, sipping his food quietly as Bose coloured his book and Miles and Mika burst through the door, wearing their uniforms. They'd been concocting plans all afternoon to make Natalie say their superhero names, approaching her clique with high hopes and much bravery. However, she simply laughed them away, not bothering to entertain two losers when she could talk about her brief encounter with Emma Watson. 

Y'know, because that was fame. 

"Okay, hurry! Hurry!"

"Don't tell me my pace!" The siblings bickered as they entered, knowing the longer they waited, the higher the stakes were; Chapa couldn't hold Trent and Mary off forever, and rumour had it that they were already on their second strike. One more, and The Wing Wimp would be permanent. 

"Hey, what are you guys doing here?" Bose asked, looking up from his work to see his friends looking frazzled. It felt like forever since he'd seen them, and he couldn't wait to show off his pretty purple tiger. 

"What are you doing here?" Mika shot back, shock written across her and Miles' faces when they turned to see the little group, complete with (y/n) and Ellis. The woman and child waved cutely, but that wasn't the point because they were supposed to find his parents, not engage in play dates at Hip Hop Purée. 

"Honestly? I forgot...but look at my fire truck! And my tiger! And this flower!" The long-haired kid replied with a shrug, but he quickly perked up when he showed them his colouring book, flicking through the pages to show them how he'd expertly filled in the outlines, even if all the colours were odd. They nodded politely, praising him for a job very well done before turning to (y/n) for an explanation. 

"(y/n/n)? Care to explain?"

"We got tired, came to feed the kid, had a fight, and now Ray's washing a mushed-up cake off his shirt. I think that covers everything," the heroine replied, still holding the blended cheeseburger as her charge cooed, loving the bizarre taste even as the flavours swirled together. 

"You're supposed to be looking for Ellis' parents. He's missing!" Mika reminded her, picking up the carton of spicy milk to show her a picture of poor little Ellis Farrow, reported missing by his worried parents. The woman bit her lip, scolding herself for not acting as promptly as possible just to pretend for a little longer. Now, she felt bad...

"Oh, sweet cheese..."

"He's not missing. He's right there!" Bose told his friend naively, pointing at the giggling kid as he grinned, but that only frustrated Mika more. She growled and clenched her fists, not in the mood for his moronic comments, and she was this close to super-screaming the building down. 

"Let's go get Natalie Mazdah to say our names before someone says--" Miles told her gently, trying to guide her away from the problematic boy, but then, someone noticed their funky uniforms, and it just had to be someone from the bitch posse...

"Hey, it's Wing Wimp and Oopsie Girl!" A pretty blonde girl exclaimed to her friends, pointing at the embarrassed sidekicks as they sighed, hating how she giggled tauntingly. 

"--That."

"Right! Our superhero names! Wait for me. I'll transform and be right back!" Bose grinned, pinching Ellis' trick and standing up, moving past (y/n) before she could scold him for talking about hero things in public. He wanted a piece of the action, even though they didn't have the time nor the need to drag the boy and his wild ideas with them. Still, despite their insistence, he went for it, passing Volt as he slipped through the door. 

"Hey, lady!"

"Did you get the news to stop saying your names?" (y/n) asked, bouncing the kid on her knee as she studied the milk carton for Ellis' parents' phone number, and a tired-looking Chapa joined her friends, and she didn't look happy. Her guess was no...

"Technically? No. But actually...also no." She called it. One point for (y/n/n). 

"So, the news has said our names twice?" Miles asked incredulously, increasingly nervous they'd be stuck with those names forever. The girl didn't look confident, sweat clinging to her forehead like she'd run all the way from the studio, and he hoped she hadn't done anything rash. What he didn't know...

"Technically? Yes," she sniffed, making the boy smack his forehead in frustration. Meanwhile, (y/n) had pulled out her PearPhone and punched in the number on the spicy milk with a heavy heart, hoping the toddler's parents didn't kill her for waiting so long. If they got him back, it would be okay, right?"

"Shush, you guys--" she told them quietly as the number dialled, beeping for a few seconds before connecting to a very frantic-sounding man. 

"Hi, yeah, I'm calling about your missing child? Ellis? We've got him at Hip Hop Purée," she told the man as calmly as possible, only to receive a slurry of harsh words about what, when, where, who, and how. He demanded to know if she was a weirdo after his son disappeared from his stroller, which she took deep offence to, knowing Bose was to blame, not her. 

"Excuse me, sir, I am not a kidnapper! We found him at this café! Look, just come and get him! Bye!" As Bose returned to the group, she abruptly hung up, wickedly playing on the parents' emotions that they'd come to get their precious baby, no matter the circumstances. 

Perhaps she'd skirted over the details that she'd enjoyed a day of make-believe with her husband, acting as if they were parents for a few hours. Still, they didn't need to know that, sounding like they were already running out of the door when she hit the red button.

"Okay, let's make this quick. There's a raincoat-wearing puppy in that colouring book with my name on it!" Bose told his friends as the woman sighed, eager to enjoy her last few minutes with the child as they messed about with Swellview's favourite celebrity. With the gang back together, Mika turned to the clique huddled in the corner of the room, feeling fearless now that she had her mask on. 

"Natalie Mazdah!" She called out, catching the pretty, if highly annoying, girl's attention. 

"Hi!"

"We are Danger Force..." she told her sternly as (y/n) sat back to watch the show, knowing she couldn't leave Ellis alone to go and transform into Miss Danger. They were on their own, and the tension was palpable; approaching the girl idol like that was brave--or perhaps sheer stupidity. 

"Yeah, and my name's not Wing Wimp. It's--" Miles added, fully supporting his sister until an uninvited visitor burst onto the scene - before they could declare themselves valid, serious heroes. 

"Well, well, well..." (y/n) sat bolt upright as an all-too-familiar figure strolled into the café, her eyes wide and tummy tingle on high alert. 

She watched whilst The Toddler - not Ellis, the actual supervillain - pushed the door open and walked straight past her, heading for Danger Force with his onesie-wearing lackeys hot on his heels. Something told her he was gatecrashing this party, and the gum tube in her pocket seemingly dug into her hip more than usual, but she couldn't grab it, not while she had the kid. Of all the times for Ray to step away...

"It's The Toddler! Someone save Natalie Mazdah!" The blonde girl cried, petrified as she glanced around the room for Captain Man or Miss Danger, but no one was around. (y/n) felt helpless, making eye contact with Mika as the stunned kids gulped, finally facing their first proper, one-on-one fight. 

"Who cares about Natalie Maaaazdah?" Todd sneered, thinking the blonde was brave but idiotic for shielding the so-called celebrity when he'd wreak havoc on them all. And his enemies were nowhere in sight...

"Y'know, she was once on a plane with Emma Watson," the woman in the corner retorted dryly, hugging Ellis close as he cowered before the bad guys, but strangely, she didn't. She thought it was hilarious that The Toddler knew her so well but didn't recognise her, daring to meet his eye when he whipped around at her monotone voice. 

"Okay, let's put a pin in that because I really want to hear that story later," he gasped, too busy with villain stuff, but he wasn't opposed to a bit of gossip. It was strange; that girl with the baby looked and sounded familiar and was maybe a little gutsier than most, but he couldn't quite place it. Eh, she didn't look like much of a threat anyway...

"But first! Toddie's hungry..." he growled, revealing his more menacing side under all that childish horseplay. With a snap of his fingers, he ordered one of his bulkier henchmen onto his hands and knees in front of the cash register, creating the perfect step for the man-baby to peer at the terrified waiter and step onto the counter. 

"Not on our watch, Toddler!" ShoutOut announced, causing the villain to stamp his feet in a temper tantrum, wanting to know which fool stopped his fun before it began. 

"Who are you?!" After leaping off the counter, he growled his demands, glaring at the four plucky kids as Miss Danger secretly watched from her seat, dithering about whether she should risk leaving the baby alone to transform and help. But Mika seemed to know what she was doing, either finding her courage or playing off her fear brilliantly as she and her friends eyed their enemy and prepared themselves for a fight. Those lackeys sure looked big...

"We're Danger Force!" Chapa replied snarkily. 

"Yeah, that's Spicy Milk, and she's Oopsie Girl--" Natalie said, nearly ruining their reputations as she studied the group innocently, simply repeating what she'd heard on the news. She didn't know they were serious about being heroes, making her frown when the kids shouted at her for being so stupid, for saying their names wrong--for not listening when they needed her most. 

"Okay, all right, enough!" The Toddler yelled, holding his hands up to stop the children from bickering. Jeez, he missed when all he had to worry about was Captain Man and his little sidekicks, but they were nowhere to be seen. And fortunately, he could handle a few meddling kids, especially ones with such weird clothes. 

"I don't care what your names are. Just stay out of my way!" He snapped, prompting Mika to try and use her super-scream. Raising her open palms to her face, she released an all-mighty roar, only to raise a few eyebrows. For some unknown reason, she couldn't get her vocal cords to flex properly, making her just look strange as Todd chuckled - who were these clowns?

"Waaaaaaahh--okay, lemme try again---"

"What are you doing?" He asked as the bizarre girl kept screaming, staring at the floor when nothing happened. Did he need to call her carer or something? 

(y/n) hid her face in her hands as she watched, cringing when Poor Mika moved another pot of pencils onto the floor but nothing else. Her scream wasn't powerful enough, reinforcing her and Ray's argument that they weren't ready for active duty without more training. Still, at least she impressed Bose. 

"You did it!" He praised her, confused as always when he watched the pencils roll in all directions. 

"I got this!" Miles boldly claimed, ignoring his special friend and pushing past his red-faced sister as he swaggered up to the man-baby, confident that he'd do a better job than his sister. He'd had his powers for longer, and whilst he wasn't brilliant at using them, at least he knew how to activate them. 

"Special delivery--to jail!"

"Uh, what?" The Toddler frowned as the strange boy placed a hand on his shoulder and his henchman's arm before disappearing in a flash of brilliant light. Everyone gasped at the spectacle, whispering and gossiping about what could've happened, but they didn't have long to speculate. 

Miles' confidence was misplaced as not a second later, he and the baddies appeared behind the counter - not the county jail. They'd barely moved a metre, looking stunned but unimpressed as his ears burned; not quite the hero he wanted to be since he'd just moved them closer to the cash register and food. 

"Oh, great! We're right next to the blended cake!" Todd cried in delight as (y/n) smacked her forehead, regretting not making her move earlier. It was too late now, firmly fixed in her seat as an innocent civilian - they wouldn't leave her sneak out now. 

"Come on, hurry up!"

The Toddler roughly pushed AWOL to the ground, the kid landing with a yelp and a thud, and Mika rushed to help him as the villains began to raid the café. Next, Chapa decided to try her luck, dashing into the middle of the room with an electric charge ready to go. However, she could do no more than make her fingers flare, straining to try and rain down some lightning, but it wouldn't work - just sparks. Glow worms in jam jars would've been better. 

When she finally managed to release a trickle - a mere zap of red electricity - it missed the cackling baddie by a mile, flying across the room to hit Natalie Mazdah in the arm instead. What a mistake to make: frying the coolest celeb in Swellview...

"Fill them up! Let's get some blended cake!" Todd ordered his henchmen, grabbing as many empty jars as possible to steal all the food now that those kids had been dealt with. Well, not all of them. 

Bose was the last line of defence; he was unsure of his abilities, but he had a go, putting two fingers against his temples as he attempted to make a blender jug float. It didn't look like much, but the jug was surprisingly heavy, jerking as it emerged from its base, barely staying afloat as the pressure built in his head. 

They frowned at the mysterious phenomenon, not noticing that Bose was the magician until Chapa tried again, only to zap the cash register. Everything turned into a shit show, making (y/n) groan and hide her eyes as the zap tripped the lock, opening the cash drawer to make dozens of dollars fly out--right into The Toddler's hands. 

"Awww, yeah! Free money!" He exclaimed as the waiters put their hands on their heads, knowing they were about to lose a day's takings thanks to these so-called heroes. 

"What are you kids doing?!"

"Saving--the day!" Bose grunted although he wasn't convincing. His concentration hung on by a thread, snapping when the blender jug peaked, only to fall on his head when he couldn't take the strain. It bounced off his skull, sending him to the floor - dazed and wounded. Wow, such heroes...

"Yeah, I don't think so..." (y/n) muttered, soothing Ellis when he fussed, scared by all the loud noises and angry voices. As a heroine, she wasn't impressed by their performance, deeming it an utter shambles. However, they had one last trick up their sleeves; when their superpowers failed, they could always resort to brute strength, AKA the Captain Man approach. 

"Forget out powers--let's just get 'em!" Mika yelled, prompting her friends, save for Bose, to charge at the villains, each taking a onesie-wearing goon whilst The Toddler gathered his stolen purées. Miss Danger winced as she watched, incognito, shielding the baby when Volt and her enemy wrestled a little too close. 

"Spicy--milk!" ShoutOut grunted as she assisted her brother, struggling to keep him safe as the man squeezed their arms. Despite their lack of brain power, they were a lot stronger than the children, quickly crushing them without the aid of Captain Man or Miss Danger--but the girl had a plan. 

"That's...not my name!" Chapa retorted, struggling with her opponent as he threw his weight around--more than she could manage--misunderstanding what they were saying. 

"NO! Use--the spicy milk!" AWOL snapped, and (y/n) quickly understood what he meant. She grabbed the carton left on her table and handed it to the short-haired girl so she didn't have to take her eye off the heavy, breathing a sigh of relief when she poured it over his head. The milk splashed into his eyes, temporarily blinding the goon as the spice stung the sensitive organs, his instinct trying to rub it out. 

With him squealing like a child, she growled and ran across the room to help her friends, the Macklin twins, as they moved just in time to dodge the tidal wave of spicy milk before she threw it at their opponent. With the henchmen incapacitated, shoving them out the door was effortless as The Toddler whined, stamping his foot at how they'd outsmarted his bodyguards. 

"Hey! No fair! Those were my best goo--" Chapa wasn't one for his wimpy tone, wasting no time splashing the final trickle of milk in his face, silencing the villain. His face screwed up in pain, looking like he'd sucked on a lemon as the crocodile tears started; he was, after all, a man-baby...

"Mooooommmmy!" He wailed, utterly defeated, after the mean girl made his face go owwie, and he threw the looted dollars on the floor in a strop. He whined for his mother as he stomped out the door toward his battered henchmen, dragging his heels whilst Danger Force grinned victoriously. 

(y/n) was impressed, clapping and cheering with everyone else as the kids slipped her a few bashful glances, knowing their methods were unconventional but effective. She didn't care, glad they'd held their own despite not having full control of their powers, and she stood up with Ellis on her hip to congratulate them. 

"Nice work..." she whispered to Mika as they brushed elbows, aware that no one could know they knew each other, but the praise was enough. It had to be the best day of the young girl's life; Miss Danger was proud of her, something she thought impossible when she was little, but now they were friends. Things couldn't get any better--well, they could for (y/n). 

"Well, I couldn't get the stain out..." Ray groaned as he returned to the café after missing all the action because he was scrubbing his shirt in the toilet. 

*imma just leave this here. for science. definitely for science. i mean i'm not drooling or anything*

The stubborn chocolate cake wouldn't come clean with some severe encouragement, so he decided to leave it to his sweet girl and her laundry wizardry to wash it out. But at the same time, he didn't want to walk around looking like a guy with a poopy stain on his chest, not when that had been her favourite shirt, so he went for the next best thing; walking out half-naked to rapturous applause. 

(y/n) felt her throat turn dry, and her mouth fell open, somehow choking on her spit simultaneously as she took in the delicious view of her husband shirtless, pecs, abs, and biceps on display for her to ogle. Admittedly, anyone could ogle, too, but she didn't care. She was speechless as the doofus emerged, thinking the cheers were for him and his impressive physique. Damn, was it her, or had the room gotten hot?

"Oh--thank you, thank you...I know! I'm huge!" He told the crowd with a cocky smirk, utterly unashamed at his inappropriate attire since everyone seemed to clap for him. His arms flexed and bulged as he puffed his chest out, a display of masculinity and strength as his wife sidled up to him, feeling hot and bothered by the view. And what a view it was...

"Doofus..." she mumbled, eyes glued to his bare skin as he turned and flashed his smirk at her, hoping he'd get this reaction from her. For everyone else, there was a look-but-no-touch policy. Yet she could do whatever she wanted, grabbing her fingers and pulling them to his toned stomach when she hesitated. 

Ellis cooed, gently smacking the hero's beaming face, but (y/n) didn't notice, too entranced by how freakin' sexy her husband was to remember anything else. 

"Yeah, sweet girl?" He replied softly, abs clenching as she trialled her fingers down to his belt buckle, unaware of the crowded room around them. It wasn't like this was a new sight, but this felt different, knowing the ladies around the room were eyeing her husband, but he was hers. 

"Sorry for...snapping."

"Me too," the man muttered, kissing her softly as her palm roamed the vastness of his skin, marvelling at how she could feel the thick muscle moving underneath. Maybe he'd go shirtless every day if this was her reaction, loving how her brain stopped working because of his toned torso. That was an ego boost, much more than the fading applause. 

"We just beat our first bad guys!" Mika exclaimed, subtly facing her boss and mentor as he tilted his wife's head back, greedily swallowing her sweet kisses. 

She couldn't associate with him, not when he wasn't in uniform, and honestly, she didn't want to, not when he wasn't in clothes either. But some praise would've been nice, especially since he'd stolen (y/n) and turned her into a mush-brained, thirsty dimwit. 

"Don't care--my wife thinks I'm hot..." he replied dismissively, curling an arm around her waist as she pulled away, breathless. It was embarrassing how he flexed his massive bicep for everyone to see; it was clearly a show-off. Still, she giggled and fondled it anyway, awed by how she couldn't get her fingers to join around it, and it was enough to make her tummy flutter with heat. 

She knew he was hot, but had always been this hot?

"Ellis!" But it didn't last. A panicked cry broke the happy couple out of their little love bubble, spinning around to see two worried men running toward them. They seemed to know the boy, and he smiled sweetly at them, ignoring his temporary caretakers to stretch his arms in their direction. 

"Daddies!" He exclaimed happily, giving them his adorable toothy grin as Ray and (y/n) frowned. Who were these guys? They were expecting a lady, thanks to Schwoz's genetic work, and the woman wasn't about to hand him over to two randomers. 

"Uh, hi, and you are?" (y/n) asked awkwardly, allowing one of the men to take the child without a fight, and he slipped out of her hold all too easily. Her arms felt empty afterwards, shakily wrapping around her body as the man not holding Ellis gave her a thankful, relieved smile. 

"We're Ellis' dads," he replied happily, indescribably overjoyed to see his son safe and sound after they'd lost him earlier on - any parent's worst nightmare. Ray frowned at the information as he laid a hand on his wife's shoulder, seeing how quiet and dejected she'd become.��

"Okay, but where are Ellis' moms?" He asked a little harshly because the math wasn't mathing. 

He wasn't conservative or bigoted, but he was a straightforward thinker, expecting to see the blonde lady in the photo, so these guys didn't make sense. Things had to be black and white, even if they just laughed off his question with polite smiles - like they always got this sort of thing. 

"I'm sorry?" The guy asked as Ellis tucked himself between their legs, wondering if this peculiar couple had been watching his son all day. The lady was nice enough, but her partner was weird, standing there half-naked and looking at them like they'd done something wrong. 

"Um, we were expecting this lady..." (y/n) told them, fumbling to bring the blonde's photo from her back pocket, and when she showed it to them, their faces flashed in recognition. Well, at least she existed. 

"That's Ellis' birth mother, Samantha. We adopted him," one of the men explained, and (y/n) nodded understandingly, realising that for all her wisdom and experience, she'd been a little close-minded. It took a moment for Ray to work it out, but then he shrugged, not forming an opinion either way. 

"She lives in Nova Scotia..."

"Great, well, uh, I'm glad this little guy got back to you. He's been a pleasure to look after," (y/n) nodded, knowing this was goodbye. She felt a little sad, which was stupid because Ellis was never hers to lose, but she didn't want to see him go. 

"Thanks so much. We can never repay you for keeping him safe..."

Ray stroked her lower back soothingly as they exchanged pleasantries, patting the little boy on the head and giving him a hug before walking away. He got it; he'd fallen in love with caring for a tiny human, too, but his sweet girl said nothing, looking straight ahead because she knew if she turned back, she'd burst into tears - mourning a life that never existed. 

"You okay?" He asked her quietly once they were alone, hating to see her bottom lip wobbling like that. She turned and buried herself in his chest, comforted by his soft skin as he held her tenderly, content to let her self-soothe for a moment. 

"Yeah, just...feeling leaky," she sighed into the cleft between his pecs, missing the toddler already, even though he was a nightmare, and he ate out their wallets, and he caused an argument, and he plunged their somewhat organised routine into chaos. 

Looking after Ellis wasn't easy, but she loved it, feeling empty now that they had no baby to look after. She'd finally found something she was good at - her calling to settle down and have a family with the love of her life - but it had been snatched away like everything else. Well, save for him...

"I'm gonna miss him too..."

"Eh...I think I'm just broody," she sniffed, shuddering when she realised she was wrapped up in a beefcake burrito, arms curled around her with his abs brushing her tummy. One day, they'd have their own, and it would be special, emotional, and forevermore. One day. 

"Keep feeling like that, sweet girl. I can't run around after them without you," Ray joked, guiding her attention to the squad of buzzing kids across the room, who, subtly or unsubtly, had been staring at the random couple for the last few minutes. 

They were fascinated by their nauseating interaction, Chapa and Miles snorting to each other that Captain Man was a simp, whilst Bose and Mika cooed. They thought it was sweet how much he cared but quickly snapped out of it when he glared and cleared his throat; Danger Force doesn't fraternise with half-naked men and their wives. 

"Uh, well, buddy, I guess this is goodbye," Bose sniffed as he stepped forward, having enjoyed having a baby brother for the day since he was an only child. He was the first to step up to the kid after watching (y/n/n) tearfully walk away - it must've been hard for her, given how she needed a minute on her husband's shoulder. 

"Goodbye, BrainStorm..." Ellis replied cutely, and (y/n) felt another wave of heartache wash over her. 

"Oh, my heart can't take this!" She wailed, clutching at her chest as she returned to Ray's embrace, overcome by his innocence and cuteness. He chuckled at her reaction, feeling a few tears sting his eyes as Bose gasped. Goddamit...he couldn't wait until they had kids for real.  

"Goodbye, ShoutOut. Goodbye, AWOL. Goodbye, Volt..." he said to all of them, making his daddies proud, and the kids melted as they waved him out the door. They'd never see him again, but parting wasn't such sweet sorrow, knowing that he was going home with two parents who loved him - just like the universe planned it to be. 

The café door hadn't even closed when a figure appeared behind them, her phone held aloft as she streamed to her millions of followers, all of whom wanted to know why Emma Watson was on a plane. Danger Force was stunned when they turned around to see Natalie live-streaming their interaction, capturing their proper hero names for the world to hear. Thank God. 

"And that...is the best thing I've seen since I saw Emma Watson...on a plane!" The influencer declared, touched by what she saw with the superheroes. The kids quickly gathered behind her, wanting to get in her video so her followers could see them, and of course, Chapa couldn't help but dance. 

That was when they solidified themselves in the history books - thankfully, the right side of history. Danger Force was officially known as Captain Man and Miss Danger's team, and Swellview instantly fell in love with them, offering their respect and devotion instead of humiliation and mockery. It was hard-earned admiration, and even the most hard-to-please people were swayed...

"Hey, handsome...lookin' a little lonely over here." A soft, sultry voice cooed in Ray's ear as he smiled at the tender scene, silently proud of his team for the first victory, even though he didn't show it. 

He'd been so caught up in their glory, thinking he'd maybe judged the kids too soon, that he'd forgotten about his nakedness, kept warm by his precious wife and how she was glued to his hip. Neither saw a brunette creeping up to him until she dared to lay a hand on his bicep, ogling the goods despite (y/n) clearly being on his arm. 

She looked like a glamour model, with soft chocolate eyes hidden behind a wave of mocha locks and false eyelashes. When their eyes met, she stuck out her lips in a duck pout, unabashedly trailing her gaze down his bare chest to where his happy trail disappeared beneath his waistband, undoubtedly picturing what he was packing. 

Her dress was nice, he guessed, black and curve-hugging with a slit up the leg--clearly a lawyer or some such businesswoman by her grace and confidence. A few years ago, he might've shown an interest, seeing that she was a beautiful woman, save for one crucial detail. She was no sweet girl, a vixen, rather than a kitten, which left a sour taste in his mouth. 

Ray Manchester only had eyes for his wife, and she was not happy. 

"Uh, excuse, but, uh, I'm right here," (y/n) told her sharply, hugging her husband's arm as the brunette gave her a bored look, unimpressed by what she saw. A plainish, average girl with nothing extraordinary about her except for the snot dribbles on her shoulder and purée staining her sweater - hardly someone worthy of the man she'd set her sights on. 

"I can see that. Now, run along, dear. Me and the nice man were talking..."

"Uh..." Ray gulped, feeling nauseous when the woman slid her hand up his forearm to his bicep, squeezing it like his pretty girl would, only he winced when her cat-like nails dug into his skin. He felt like a piece of meat, glancing at his wife with a clearly uncomfortable expression as he froze, not knowing what to do with the devil woman's claws keeping him in her clutches. 

(y/n) saw red, growling when she dared to touch her doofus when she, Mrs. Manchester, was standing right there. She assumed the woman had been watching his every move, licking her scarlet lips hungrily, so she must've seen them kissing and hugging, talking like a married couple. Which they were. 

She didn't give a fuck, pushing herself between the witch and her husband before shoving her left hand before her eyes, hoping the diamonds on her finger cut her plasticky face. 

"Back off, bitch. He's mine..." She snarled, feeling Ray's hands on her hips as the woman stumbled back, shocked and pale-faced, when she tripped in her ludicrous heels and bumped into a table. It would be a terrible shame for her to return to the office with purée on her ass, but (y/n) didn't care. 

She turned in Ray's arms and brought him into a passionate kiss, adding a little tongue for dramatic effect. She didn't care who was watching--instead, she wanted the whole world to see her marking her territory. Ray Manchester was off the market, his wedding gleaming in the warm light as he happily succumbed to his fate.

~

"What a sweet moment for ShoutOut, AWOL, Volt, and BrainStorm..." Trent Overrunder announced as he and Mary Gaperman sat for the evening news. And the night's biggest story had to be how Captain Man's team had redeemed themselves, going from zero to hero in one epic mission. 

They played Natalie Mazdah's livestream for the city, declaring them celebrities too. When they gathered in the Man's Nest, the kids squealed when they said the correct names - Miles, in particular, was glad that The Wing Wimp would never see the light of day again. 

"You can say that again," Mary retorted, unknowingly helping the heroic team since they needed the names to stick. Even though Trent said them once, according to Schwoz, Ray, and (y/n), the lucky number was three, leaving them on the edge of their seats as the report continued. 

"And I will! What a sweet moment for ShoutOut, AWOL, Volt, and BrainStorm!" The man repeated as his colleague grinned, acting childlike and adorable as she turned the utterance into a chant. 

While they hadn't made the best first impression of themselves, she loved the new superheroes--or maybe she was just following whatever Trent said since that's usually what she did. 

"Let's do it together!"

"What a sweet moment for ShoutOut, AWOL, Volt, and BrainStorm!" They cheered, completing the cycle of three as the team grinned. That was it; history had been made because they'd forever be known as their chosen aliases, not some unfortunate nicknames from a misfortunate accident. 

They whooped and fist-pumped the air before turning off the monitor, smiling over their shared popcorn and sodas. Mika and Chapa high-fived before the latter bumped fists with Miles; as usual, Bose was lost in his own world, but he was content, knowing the news was supposed to be good. 

"Now I kinda miss Gorgeous Hair Boy..." he commented as the others snacked on a bit of popcorn, trying to keep their eyes trained on the table since something was happening across the room that their poor innocent eyes didn't want to see. 

Ray and (y/n) were...together and had been since they'd returned from Hip Hop Purée, snuggling and cuddling like no one else was in the room. It was cute, but God, the man didn't let their beloved friend breathe, insisting that he had to keep an eye on her since Ellis' departure had left her a little droopy. But did he really have to be so handsy with his tongue down her throat?!

"I miss when Ray wasn't trying to eat (y/n)'s face..." Mika groaned, and they all glanced at the happy couple, relieved to see they'd taken a break from canoodling to rub noses. Still gross, but not as bad, even if he was holding her butt. 

It was their preferred spot for affection since (y/n) had a thing about windows and a complex about living underground, so they stood and admired the view--and Ray admired her. Although the kids had to admit that he never looked happier than when he was with her, looking ten years younger when she said the L-word. And no matter who listened, he wasn't ashamed to say it back. 

"No, I love you more, sweet girl. Have I ever told you how incredibly hot you are?"

"Maybe once or twice..." (y/n) giggled, her arms thrown around his neck as she ignored the aching in her toes, standing on them to reach his lips. It was a shame that he had to put a shirt on, saying that she didn't mind seeing the artwork that was his body all the time - literal eye candy - but it kept the trash away. 

At least she could see it at bedtime - the only woman to do so. 

"You two are disgusting," Chapa grimaced when they kissed again, repulsed to see her boss's tongue run along the seam of the woman's lips. She was her friend, and to see her engage in such activities--she was gonna vomit. 

Ray pulled away with an irritated expression, sparing them a glance before focusing on his precious girl again. He smushed her cheeks together, wondering if she was an angel in disguise as the irritation melted, forgotten about when she smiled at him like that. 

"Can't a man love his wife?" He asked quietly, petting her head and kissing her temple as they embraced, looking perfectly content to stand there, rocking from side to side. 

The kids had no argument for that, silently admitting that he was a sweetheart when (y/n) was around, showing that for all his silliness and harsh words when frustrated, he was just a man. And like any other man, he loved a pretty girl, becoming an idiot just so he could get a smile out of her, which they guessed was cute. Maybe. Secretly. They didn't want to admit it. 

But they supposed they could make an exception--just this once.

[the-laziest-dragon]

DIGIMON GHOST GAME: AKA: How to make the fanbase desperate with an unexpected ending.

Unlike Adventure:2020, I haven't commented much on this season because;

Story pacing is different (horror stories vs season 1 reboot)

Many of the references I needed to go after and the chances of talking nonsense were great. And I can't stand to hear more irrelevant drama than I already listen to offline.

But I really wanted to talk about Ghost GAME, and now that the season """"ended"""", I can talk a little with my opinions (and spoilers soon if you don't want to, don't read. Enjoy other of my posts or go to another blog you like, I'm not holding you back 🙂)

Taking everything out of the way, let's go to the beginning :

1 - The delay for tamers/chosen children/human heroes to appear and develop as characters.

I'm going to take those shots soon because it was one of the things that pissed me off the most.

Ruli joined the team in episode 3 and got the adult form of Angoramon in episode 15.

Kiyo joined the team in episode 5 and reached Jellymon's adult form in episode 10, if I'm not mistaken.

After waiting 12 episodes to reach the adult form compared to Kiyo who was only 5, she only reached the Ultimate form in episode 35. 20 more episodes. Kiyo achieved Ultimate form in episode 29...

Hiro already reached adult forms (Red, Blue and Green) in episodes 2, 7 and 12. The Ultimate form came in the episode 25...

And most of the time it was Hiro and Gammamon who solved everything, leaving the other humans and digimon in the background. Like the protagonists of the original Adventure rooting for the Megas to win because they are nothing but Ultimate form and the enemies are too strong for them.

And want to know when the mega forms arrived? Episode 56 for Hiro, 58 for Ruli and 60 for Kiyo.

And the season ended at 67... and the last two episodes Diarbbtmon and Amphimon barely served as relevant fighters... They were more like glorified punching bags.

2 - Digimon do not fight to the death.

It may sound morbid but it's a fact: The enemies fight to kill, the protagonists don't fight seriously because they don't want to hurt the other digimons.

Apart from GulusGammamon (I already got to him) the protagonists killed at least 2 digimons: SimbaeAngoramon killed Digitamamon and the three Ultimate killed RareRaremon.(No, Shadramon was already half dead before Datamon messed with him. Tetismon didn't kill him.)

It makes it seem like they don't really fight. And all they do is sit the shit out and then make up... which is kind of disappointing after the literal demon of lust just walks away.

3 - GulusGammamon

When he first appeared, NOBODY expected that the sweetest marshmallow in the world had the literal devil inside the body. But since every digimon protagonist has to have a dark evolution, it was to be expected.

Whenever GulusGammamon appeared it meant that someone was going to die. No jokes. That was basically it.

'Oh, this Digimon is too bad! What do we do?' 'Oh! Gammamon evolved into GulusGammamon!'

The worst part was what they did to him in the end. From Gammamon's suppressed original personality to the final Boss of the season. It was all so thrown in the face that there are still people numb from the shock.

And then there's the fact that he IS A FUCKING ALIEN DIGIMON FROM ANOTHER PLANET!!?That was contaminating the entire digital world to form an army to face a Galactus from the Digimon Universe!!??!?!!

4 - Espimon

For the first time, after Xros Wars of course, the protagonist won a secondary Digimon for his team. But my holy Christ... what a soap opera.

He was introduced in episode 38 but didn't reach his adult form until EPISODE 62!!!

This is all because he thought Hiro was a 'fake Hiro' because he wasn't practically identical to his father.

5 - THE END OF THE SEASON.

To say they hooked up for a second season is calling me and all fans idiots.

It was so rushed, but so rushed that it seemed like fanfic that the author got lost and decided to tie all the ends at once but left a lot up in the air.

The Digi-Galactus only coming 2000 years from now, a Country of Digimons in a space between the Digital World and the Human World*cough cough Xros Wars cough cough*, all human protagonists becoming diplomats as children. It looked like the Meme of Yamato becoming an astronaut at the end of Digimon 02...

But I'm not saying that the fight between Regulusmon and Siriusmon was bad... But three Megas almost losing to an Ultimate was a forced fall due to the plot armor.

I hope there is a second season, or movie or OVAs to end the story, because it was very... Empty at the end...

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Lingering Snowblood: The Saga of Oyuki

Alright class, who’s ready for a fun bonus post? Waaay back in the start of this journey, we talked a little about Okiku potentially being inspired by a figure it the story that is likely an inspiration for Kin & Momo. Lone Wolf & Cub, it’s one of the most famous series of classic samurai movies. What Hawk & Chick are based on for any Bob’s Burgers fans and the TV adaptation had the actor Oda’s said their names come from in the lead role. 

In that franchise, there’s a woman named Oyuki who pops up a few times. Dancer background, unassuming lady who’s absolutely deadly when pressed, tattoo used a lot like the mask, and has a calling card of taking topknots from her fallen foes. Sounds a lot like Kiku, yeah? And if you didn’t know, “yuki” means snow so we do have that shared motif. Feels like in both cases, and the ones we’ll get to, the archetype is leaning a bit on the mythological Yuki-Onna. I was wrong though, that was just the tip of the iceberg. 

So...this character transcends franchises. Wano has made me really interested in jidaigeki, I’ve actually grown quite fond of them and have a buddy who’s into old Westerns so we love talking how they play off of each other. As an aside, any RPG game masters out there...go binge an old Western TV show like Tales of Wells Fargo and you will find a gold mine of session ideas! Turns out Oyuki has a pretty cool history, and yeah it includes Kill Bill. 

The funny thing is...if we’re talking Eiichiro Oda’s influences, it actually calls into question what was really pushing him to dust off Snowblood. See, she is a figure in jidaigeki, but a little before his time. That’s not a huge deal, Smokey and the Bandit came out over a decade before I was born and I still thought it was a cool Sunday afternoon movie that’s stuck with me from that single viewing fifteen years ago. Kill Bill was directly inspired by Lady Snowblood, coming straight from Quentin Tarantino himself. Oda loves Hollywood and American movies, so which one really piqued his interest for Okiku?

Because y’all...the deeper we go the more obvious this was part of the inspo for Okiku. Wano’s just a big kid giddy to show his young readers all the shit he thought was cool growing up.

Yeah, I bet you know this woman’s entire deal looking at this. Proper lady right up until that short sword comes out of the parasol...though she’ll probably whoop a wave of mooks with the umbrella alone. At the end it’s her standing in the middle of a dozen dead bodies without a drop of blood on that pretty kimono. The dancer or acrobat background is really common, vengeful motivation driving her as well as lowborn origins. Gotta have some reason she’s not content to start a family and all, right?

So this 1973 movie based on a 1972 manga’s it right? Lone Wolf was a little later and Oyuki there was mostly just a one-shot appearance that they reused for a movie. Well...see, we can go deeper. 

Finding stuff like this is what makes digging so worth it. See, if we’re talking beloved Okiku...the Kill Bill/Lady Snowblood inspo is missing the mark on one big thing. Kiku’s not cold-blooded or vengeful. Let’s go back to the late 60s though, the same era that gave us a pretty feminist wave of Japanese media like Attack no.1. This was a TV drama that ran for a season, Red Swallow Oyuki. Starring the lovely Junko Miyazono who’d go on to have a nice run of movies playing the same type of kickass lady. One of those by the way was Hannya no Ohyaku. Fun bonus tie. This aired in 1968, so likely influencing Lady Snowblood, and you can find the first two episodes on Toei’s official Youtube page. With subs! It’s awesome, imagine Samurai Champloo if Fuu was the badass in charge...so Bakura Town.

Where I really think this initial iteration of Oyuki shines through in Kiku is the personality. This version, she’s really cutely naive. Raised in isolation and trained to pass on her father’s sword style, but he balked at the end. Sent Oyuki away to “become an ordinary woman.” Only use the sword to protect yourself. But of course, when push comes to shove she’ll use it to protect the innocent. Yes, it does end up feeling a lot like Himura Kenshin which is it’s own obvious part of Kiku’s DNA. 

I also love this idea of Oyuki sorta taking on a life of her own. It’s very Kabuki, it was a cool character concept so why not lift and repurpose. Not quite the same, but reminds me of the thing about the name Kikunojo. How it has a history as a stage name for many famous Onnagata. But seriously...watch one episode of Red Swallow and tell me that isn’t what a story with Kiku in the lead role would feel like.

[legion1227]

74 shows I watched this year: Ranked from least favorite to Most

74. Resident Evil (2/5)                    (Lance Reddick Wesker is only good thing)

73. Mike (2.5/5)                             (Poorly paced)

72. Shenmue (3/5)                         (Decent animation, middling plot)

71. Murderville (3/5)                       (Peaked with Conan o Brien episode)

70. Wednesday (3/5)                      (All the guys in the show suck)

69. Haikyu!! (Seasons 1-2) (3/5)       (Cute, but not for me)

68. Ms. Marvel (3/5)                       (Liked first half more)

67. The Walking Dead (Season 11: Parts 2 & 3) (3/5)     (Decent final ep)

66. Doom Patrol (Seasons 1-3) (3/5)              (Great cast)

65. Assassination Classroom (Season 2) (3/5)    (Season 1 was better)

64. Bel-Air (3.5/5)                                  (started fine, lost steam)

63. Kung Fu Panda: The Dragon Knight (3.5/5) (great to have Jack Black back)

62. Euphoria (Season 2) (3.5/5)     (Enjoyable schlock)

61. Violet Evergarden (3.5/5)         ( Amazing animation, likable main lead)

60. The Orville (Seasons 1-3) (3.5/5)        (season 3 elevated the show)

59. The Righteous Gemstones (Seasons 1-2) (3.5/5)   (chaotically endearing)

58. Book of Boba Fett (3.5/5)              (Should’ve focused more on Boba)

57. Tekken: Bloodline (3.5/5)            (other characters needed more screentime)

56. The Proud Family (Seasons 1-2) (3.5/5)    (Penny is my favorite character)

55. Schitt's Creek (Seasons 5-6) (3.5/5)    (Not the funniest, but I love the family)

54. Reacher (3.5/5)              (Strong first half, kinda falls apart 2nd half)

53. Insecure (Season 1-3)       (Issa and her friends are an intriguing bunch)

52. Disenchantment (Season 4) (3.5/5)     (luci, bean, and elfo, fun trio)

51. Handmaid's Tale (Season 5) (3.5/5)   (its very good, almost great)

50. South Park (Season 25) (3.5/5)    (wayyyyyy too short for a season)

49. The Last Kingdom (Season 1-2)    (Dreymon as Uhtred is a good main lead)

48. Moon Knight (3.5/5)        (oscar isaac is amazing in the role as moon knight)

47. Re: Zero (Season 1-2) (3.5/5) (fun cast and action sets)

46. Baki (Season 1-3) (3.5/5)      (over the top action fest thats a roaring time)

45. Black Mirror (Season 1-5) (3.5/5)    (mixed bag but mostly good episodes)

44. Code Geass (Season 1-2) (3.5/5)    (lelouch is a good anti-hero) 

43. Whose line is it anyway (CW seasons 1-7) (3.5/5) (bit predictable but still hilarious)

42. Love, Death, and Robots (Season 3) (4/5) (best season they had yet)

41. Archer (Season 13) (4/5)  (RIP Jessica Walter, still managed a solid season w/o her)

40. Zootopia+ (4/5)   (episodes that are as gratifying as the movie)

39. Baymax (4/5)      (Baymax helping others is just so cute) 

38. Baki Hanma (4/5)   (more focused than other seasons)

37. Rick and Morty (Season 6)  (4/5) (Big step up from season 5)

36. Avenue 5 (Season 1)  (4/5)   (Uproariously funny)

35. Legend of Korra (Seasons 1-4)       (4/5)  (besides season 2, its incredible)

34. Scrubs (seasons 1-4)  (4/5)  (carried by great character work)

33. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (Seasons 1-6) (4/5) (last 2 seasons weak, iconic tho)

32. Jeen-yuhs (4/5)           (the kanye fall of is so damn depressing)

31. Stranger Things (Season 4) (4/5) (another solid season for the show)

30. Vikings: Valhalla (4/5)   (savagery at its finest)

29. She-Hulk: Attorney At Law (4/5)   (Jen Walters and cameos are dope)

28. What We Do in the Shadows (Season 4) (4/5)  (season 3 was better)

27. The Witcher (Season 2) (4/5)    (better than season 1)

26. Jojo's Bizarre Adventure (Stone Ocean) (4/5)   (beautiful ending)

25. One Piece (Whole Cake Island & Wano Arcs) (4/5) (peak storytelling)

24. Tales of The Jedi (4/5)   (love what they did with Ahsoka and Dooku)

23. Atlanta (Seasons 1-3) (4/5)     (Prefer seasons 1 & 2 over 3 just a bit

22. House of the Dragon (4/5) (confusing names, but compelling family drama)

21. Dexter (Seasons 1-4) (4/5)   (Serial killer drama at its finest)

20. Blindspotting (4/5)  (4/5)     (lack of Diggs and Casal is felt, still great tho)

19. Obi-Wan Kenobi (4/5)   (return of mcgregor and Christensen was lovely)

18. The Sandman (4/5)   (Excellent cast with clever ways of dealing w/ enemies)

17. Umbrella Academy (Season 3) (4/5) (great but hate what they did with Allison)

16. Big Nate (4/5)  (loved reading the books growing up, cute show)

15. Arcane (4/5)    (one of the best video game adaptations)

14. Demon Slayer (Season 2) (4/5) (love way more season 1)

13. Chainsaw Man (4/5) (animation and characters are fascinating)

12. Cuphead (Season 1-3) (4/5) (an even BETTER video game adaptiation)

11. Regular Show (Season 1-8) (4/5)  (wild, ride of a show from start to end)

10. The Boys Presents: Diabolical (4.5/5) (superb snack to quell Boys hunger)

9. Mob Psycho 100 (Season 3) (4.5/5) (beautiful sendoff to amazing people)

8. Smiling Friends (4.5/5)   (funniest show I’ve watched in a long time)

7. Peacemaker (4.5/5)    (funny, but has better action and drama)

6. Harley Quinn (Season 3) (4.5/5)  (top tier character arcs

5. Don't Hug Me I'm Scared (4.5/5) (wayyyy funnier than I thought it would be)

4. Barry (Season 3) (4.5/5)  (balance of comedy and drama is masterful) 

3. Attack on Titan (Season 4 part 2) (4.5/5) (only 1 subpar episode)

2. The Boys (Season 3) (4.5/5)      (the best season with the best episode)

1. Better Call Saul (Season 6) (5/5)       (literal PERFECTION) 

[ritzy-biscuit]

These Chinese action dramas be like, "we only have one season"

Me: ooohh and it sound good to, I could keep up with it for once! 😊

The series: season 1, 40 episodes

Me: 🙂🙃 wat.

[n-revolution]

According to The Guardian these are the 10 Best TV SHOWS OF ALL TIME

10. Atlanta (2016-)

Donald Glover’s foray into dramedy fizzes with pop-culture callbacks, political subtext and dark lols, following underachieving Earn, wannabe rapper cousin Paper Boi and their black millennial peers. Its best episodes are the ones where racial conflict meets all-out weirdness, among them Helen – in which Earn feels thoroughly adrift at a Germanic festival – and Teddy Perkins, the Shining-inspired, Get Out-style tale of Darius’s (Lakeith Stanfield) trip to pick up a piano from a mysterious hermit. 

9. Peep Show (2003-15)

The king of 00s sitcoms: formally innovative, with its point-of-view filming and audible inner monologues, and unflinching in how it used that format to be disgustingly honest about diseased male minds. A textbook contrasting duo in careless Jez and cowardly Mark gave writers Jesse Armstrong and Sam Bain the platform for greatness, and the quality barely dipped across nine seasons. Peep Show was always, hilariously, an inch over the boundary of good taste.

8. Fleabag (2016-19)

When Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Fleabag arrived on stage in London some six years ago, critics had their doubts (one even commented “I doubt if this material will spin off into a long-running radio or television series”). How wrong they were: as well as returning to the stage for a sold-out run this year, Fleabag’s two-series TV run saw Waller-Bridge infuse the nascent sadcom genre with classic British awkwardness, encompassing grief, family breakdown and, of course, Obama-themed masturbation.

7. Game of Thrones (2011-19)

Despite the widespread calls by superfans to rewrite the entire last series, from Daenerys’ descent into madness to Starbucksgate, Game of Thrones remains the biggest show of the century so far. Even Ed Sheeran sitting by a fire singing a ditty about hands of gold can’t irreparably dent its reputation. And it did come up with the goods throughout its eight-year reign: from the thrills and blood spills to the men baked in pies and the best battles ever seen on the small screen, right through to Cleganebowl. Only The Winds of Winter book will spare us all from Westeros withdrawal.

6. The Office (UK) (2001-03)

It didn’t invent the mockumentary, but Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant’s debut was so stylistically confident it defined swathes of the comedy that followed its 2001 premiere: two decades on, people are still making pale imitations. Its creators haven’t topped it either but with time, their casting decisions look as extraordinary as their scripts. It’s hard to fathom now that Martin Freeman, Mackenzie Crook and Gervais himself were all then relative unknowns.

5. Breaking Bad (2008-13)

The show that arguably killed off the antihero drama: nothing since has been able to top the depraved descent made by Walter White (a never-better Bryan Cranston), from milquetoast chemistry teacher to meth overlord, and few have dared to try. Yet as grimly engrossing as White’s transformation was, what kept us returning to Vince Gilligan’s low-key epic was Aaron Paul’s performance as his reluctant partner in crime, Jesse Pinkman, whose frayed humanity shone through the moral murk like a beacon.

4. The Thick of It (2005-12)

The craven, idiotic likes of Peter Mannion and Nicola Murray would be paragons of probity and wisdom in today’s parliamentary landscape. But at the time, Armando Iannucci’s scabrous comedy felt like an indictment of everything wrong with the spin and cynicism of British politics. Luckily, it was also hilarious, mainly thanks to the inventive invective of Peter Capaldi’s ferocious “Iago with a BlackBerry” Malcolm Tucker.

3. Mad Men (2007-15)

The sex! The swagger! The suits! Matthew Weiner’s Madison Avenue masterwork went down with all the smooth, smoky allure of one of Don Draper’s copious Old-Fashioneds. But by spanning the entire 60s, showing the mammoth social shifts in an ad agency in minute detail – from the advent of the Pill and second-wave feminism to the rise of hippies and the dropping of LSD – it became more than just the tale of one mystery man and compulsive philanderer come good: it was a meditation on how modern America came to be made, one iconic advert at a time.

2. The Wire (2002-08)

Along with The Sopranos, David Simon and Ed Burns’s Baltimore crime saga showed that small-screen entertainment could be anything it aspired to be: polemical, panoramic, funny, tragic or all of those things at once. Beautifully written and performed, this was both TV as high art and TV wrenched from the soul. To this day, it’s an exemplar of a certain brand of intelligent, ambitious and uncompromising television.

1. The Sopranos (1999-2007)

It is hard to fathom now, but when Tony Soprano first slumped into an armchair in his psychiatrist Dr Melfi’s office, TV was still largely looked down upon. The slogan for the Sopranos’ broadcaster – ‘It’s not TV, it’s HBO’ – felt telling in its dismissiveness, as if making a television programme was something to be ashamed about. The Sopranos changed all that.

Text Source: The Guardian

Some links contain affiliates. It helps me grow my budget for university. Read more about it.

[variousqueerthings]

Favourite Horror Tv Shows (Unranked)

The Haunting Of Hill House 

You want trauma in your ghosts? You want plottwists and time shenanigans? You want excruciatingly beautifully shot episodes? You want m o n o l o g u e s ! Family drama! Shirley Jackson with a twist?

I’m someone who generally loves Mike Flanagan’s work, because he’s not particularly pretentious about it. He clearly just loves horror as a metaphor for grief and trauma in particular, and also his wife Kate Siegel, and I think that’s sexy of him. 

This is definitely my favourite out of everything he’s made though, movies included. 

The Exorcist

Underrated! Wonderful! Queer! It’s unfortunate that this show was so misjudged that it didn’t reach the audience that it would have thrived under. I imagine a bunch of angry edgy fanboys wouldn’t be too happy with queer priests (amongst others) and feminist horror. 

Geena Davies in season 1. John Cho and Brianna Hildebrand in season 2. And the leads (Marcus and Tomas) are the version of partners-in-crime (sometimes literally crime) who pine for each other that for once isn’t grounded in no homo. 

The tenderness of affixing someone’s priest collar 🥺

(they get this close the first time they meet. this is their first meeting).

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

The Classic! Created so many tropes! And, despite J*ss Wh*d*n being a dick, full of women who are played by wonderful, talented actresses, and who get (for the most part) interesting, harrowing, fulfilling, varied narratives. 

I really didn’t see a genre show with this many female leads again until... I wanna throw out a year like 2015-2016. And even then, this one breaks the mold in terms of sheer accessibility and fun and inventiveness!

Sarah Michelle Gellar is an icon. This is her show!

Santa Clarita Diet

You know that post that’s like: My favourite “het” couples in film are actually bisexual. You know when a woman is unhinged and her husband is simply there to assist her in that goal? You love domestic serial killers? Zombies with-a-twist? Drew Barrymore and Timothy Olyphant being married? 

Literally what’s not to love? Sometimes your spouse becomes a zombie and because you love her, you’re going to help find the right victims (usually nazis) and hide the bodies. I don’t even like the idea of marriage, but if this is what it’s about, I finally get it!

Twin Peaks

I feel like I’m due a rewatch of this. The tragedy of it wasn’t lost on me when I was younger, but I was definitely very caught up in the eerie dreaminess and idiosyncrasies of the characters. 

Also, I still haven’t seen Fire Walk With Me, which I feel would help to recenter the whole narrative where it rightfully belongs: With Laura Palmer.

It’s aesthetically so right though. It draws you in, it unsettles you, it embodies the idea of a place being alive. 

Not to mention we love Dale Cooper in this household! 

The Addams Family

Okay before there were any other married couples, there was Morticia and Gomez Addams. 

This show is so funny - so many of the gags you see in the later movies that are also still hilarious are directly from the original show. 

I’ve got no ability to say how this was appreciated in the 60s, but considering it only had two seasons I feel like Not Enough. 

Somethingsomething ahead of its time, very subversive, Gomez Addams is Sean Astin’s stepfather, which feels important to me.

The Twilight Zone 

Speaking of ahead-of-its-time right? 

This show is everything! It has everything! It’s fantastic writing! It’s gorgeous set-up-and-pay-off! It’s political! It’s spooky! It’s anthology! It’s classic! It’s wild to me that its first season was in 1959, but it was a time of change and this fits perfectly into that push against all kinds of sensibilities and norms, both within Hollywood and America beyond.

Rod Sterling was a masterclass writer and anyone interested in the strange and unusual, but also just in good stories put to screen ought to watch this. 

Seriously: The Classic!

Hannibal

The joke I was going to make was “haha look I chose a gif for this show that’s less about Cannibalism and more about how gay these two are,” but honestly a large proportion of the gifs are about how gay these two are, and isn’t the show really a gay dramedy when you get down to it? 

The inverse Pushing Daisies, the continuation of Bryan Fuller’s perfect career of making beloved - and then cancelled - shows (Wonderfalls, Dead Like Me, Pushing Daisies, Hannibal... what next?) and my personal favourite of the bunch, because I love gothic gay idiots.

Chucky

I’ve seen the first 4 episodes. I love the film franchise (me, having watched the Child’s Play Verse films in the last two months, clutching them to my chest and hissing like a cat). 

It is more enjoyable if you watch the movies first, since it situates itself in an already-established verse and narrative, but it’s a fascinatingly built world that - because of its continued story through the last 30 years - feels very congruent to its own internal wacky laws. 

It also has queerness baked into its bones and I’m fascinated by how it’ll delve further into that legacy now that it’s become more possible to be direct about it. 

[archduchessofnowhere]

Series review: SISI (2021) Episode 1 and 2

It's been 123 years since Elisabeth, Empress of Austria and Queen of Hungary, died aged 60 at the hands of an anarchist. And yet, she remains as famous, and I would dare to say as, if not more, beloved than ever. On-screen depictions of the Empress date as early as 1920, and over the course of the years dozens of actresses have made Elisabeth come to life in films, TV series and theatre. The most famous of all of them being the great late Romy Schneider, who played the Empress as a young girl in the classic Sissi Trilogy (1955-1957) directed by Ernst Marischka, and later reprised her role as a more mature, mysterious character in Luchino Visconti's Ludwig (1973), a biopic movie about Elisabeth's cousin, the ill-fated Fairy Tale King of Bavaria, Ludwig II.

When the series Sisi (2021) was announced, there was of course those who reacted with rejection, saying "Romy Schneider is the only Sisi! If is not her I don't want anyone to play her!!" (Romy's been dead for almost forty years now so this statement just means "never again make movies about Sisi"). But for those who, regardless of their feelings towards the Trilogy, really like the historical Elisabeth, this news were met with joy: perhaps, finally, we'll get a truthful portrayal of Sisi's youth. Casually, around the same time Netflix also announced their own series about Sisi, theirs named The Empress, which is currently being filmed and it's expected to premiere next year. And on top of that, two other movies, these centered on the later years of Elisabeth were also announced (Corsage and Sisi und ich, both also expected to premiere next year). Quoting a line from Elisabeth das Musical, "Elisabeth ist in".

Sisi (2021), therefore, had not only the weight of "carrying" Schneider's legacy, but also the pressure of having a direct competitor. While I highly doubt The Empress had any influence in the series' script or direction, it does creates this strange situation in which there is an informal "race" for becoming THE new series about Elisabeth. A race in which Sisi (2021) has a head start, for it already finished its production, has a release date of December and was renewned for a second season. Last month the first two episodes of the series premiered at the Cannes Series Festival in Paris, and for the delight of the "fandom" of the late Empress, these two episodes were available to watch for free in the Festival's website for two days. The subtitles were only in French, but that didn't stop us, non-German and non-French speakers, from watching them.

Starting in episode one with Elisabeth daydreaming about her first crush and ending in episode two with her waiting for Franz Josef in her bedchamber to consumate her marriage, these episodes were a first taste of what to expect from the rest of the show, from tone to characterization. Before the premiere the production team started to talk about how this was going to be a modern take on Sisi's life, and while I wasn't thrilled, I wasn't against it either. There's been a boom for modernized period dramas (The Great, Bridgerton, Dickinson, etc.) and I actually think that they can work very well, it all depends in what are they going for. However what is Sisi (2021) going for with it exactly is still a mystery to me that those first two episodes didn't solved. What it did solved was the mystery of what were we going to get out of this series in terms of telling one more time the story of the Empress Elisabeth. And boy do I have very mixed feelings about it. So, exactly how was this Sisi?

To begin this review with the more positive points, the production value of this series it's very high and it shows. When the first pictures were released I was worried that it might look "cheap", but I was very wrong. This series looks REALLY GOOD, the cinematography was on point through out the two episodes and it really plunged you into the story. This might be a bold statement given the gorgeous landscapes that are the background of the Sissi Trilogy, but honestly I think that this might be the best looking depiction of Sisi ever (as of now).

The costumes (for which I might write a review on their own) were honestly a dissapointment once the first behind the scenes photos came out and it was obvious that they weren't going for accuracy, but instead choose a modernized, artistic look. And yet surprinsingly they actually work very well on set, mainly for two reasons: first and most important, there is consistency. A lot of time historical costuming fails not because it's not "accurate", but because it's so inconsistent that you can't even point which era they're supossed to recreate (for a clear example, search "reign costumes" without reading the series' synopsis and try to guess in which year the story it's set). In Sisi, most of the costumes have a consistent silhouette so even if the dresses don't actually look like 1850s dresses they still look like they all belong to the same time and place. And thus, when a dress stands up, it does it on purpose (Elisabeth's black dress not only looked quite modern, it also looked drastically different to other dresses we see on the show and that it's the point). The second reason why I think the costumes work it's because they blend into the scene. The pallette color of the gowns (greys, blues, beiges) it's the same pallette color of the series, so the gowns naturally merge with the background: once again, even though they aren't accurate, they look like they belong there. Lastly, I'll add that since the direction the show took it's "modernized retelling of Sis's life" these stylized, modern-looking costumes make sense within the story. I'll expand upon this point later, but the series does have very over the top fictional plot lines that would be even more jarring if everyone was wearing extremly accurate clothing. By dressing Elisabeth and company in clearly syntetic fabrics, it's easier to accept that what you are watching it's fiction.

The acting in these first two episodes was quite solid, it should be noted that this is Dominique Devenport debut as a protagonist and still she seemed very confortable in her role. I feel she captured Elisabeth's charm very well, although this aged up version (I think they never mention Sisi's age but there is no way for Dominique to pass as a fifteen years old girl) isn't shy like her historical counterpart was; on the countrary, this Sisi is quite bold. Meanwhile, Jannik Schümann as Franz Josef is... something else, for sure. His acting was good if maybe a bit exaggerated, but I think that mostly comes from the script that they gave him, which made some wild decisions when it came to the Emperor's characterization (I'll talk more about it later).

Having mentioned the most positives aspects of this series, it's time to talk about the less positives, at least to me: the plot and characterization (the most important things lol).

I'm going to start by clarifying that I actually don't have a problem with historical fiction making stuff up. Sometimes there are things that need to be adapted or modified to work on screen, there are gaps that need to be filled. And that is the fun of historical fiction: to imagine what is in those gaps, what where this people saying and feeling behind closed doors. Of course, that doesn't mean that I have to like what is invented in these stories, specially if it's something wildly inaccurate or just straight up disrespectful to the real people being portrayed. Or, even worse, if it's something that it's just simply bad writing, regardless of wheter it actually happened or not (for example, I didn't dislike Versailles because it's very inaccurate, I disliked it because it's a poorly written TV drama). So when the creators of the show announced how this series was going to put a "modern" spin on Elisabeth's story, I new that there was going to be a least some fictionalization.

It turns out, "at least some" was an understatement.

The first episode covers the famous weekend at Ischl in which Franz Josef takes one look at his teenage cousin and becomes obssesed with her forever. This episode has a very good pacing, I was hooked watching it and I didn't even noticed that almost an hour had gone by until the credits started rolling, and even though it was retelling once again the most told moment in Elisabeth's life, it still felt fresh. I appreaciated the incorporation of Count Richard, a man that worked in service of Sisi's father Duke Max and was her first crush. The Duchess wrote many love poems about him and was very heartbroken when this young love came to nothing. I might be wrong, but I think this was the first time he ever appeared on-screen. Overall, this episode isn't too fictionalized, and the only Big That Didn't Happen Moment ocurred when, riding in the middle of a forest, Elisabeth and Franz Josef are attacked by Hungarian rebeles that randomly pop out in a very action packed scene.

My main problem with that scene it's that it has no consequence to the plot. Sisi comes back physically hurt and with her dress ragged from something that should've been a traumatic experience for a girl who grow up in quite, happy Possenhofen and has never faced the dangers of the world. She was almost killed and yet by the next scene it's all forgotten and she never seems to have been affected by any of what happened to her. The Emperor almost gets killed and still no one brings it up ever again. What was the point of adding something that just never happened if you aren't going to do anything with it? It seems that the sole purpose of it was to create a "brutal forest scene whose layered sexual adrenaline fast-tracks the relationship [of Elisabeth and Franz Josef], but as one of equals". Wasn't any other way of creating a moment like this?

And this isn't even the most over the top fictional plot line we get: the second episode, in my opinion far inferior to the first one, ocupies about half of its run time in a made up story so random that it almost feels like filler. I know that this isn't a documentary, as I already said I was expecting it to have fiction, but this was just too dumb. Am I really supposed to believe that the future Empress of Austria was left to go riding alone (!) in the middle of the night (!!) to a brothel (!!!) and that she befriended a woman that works there and later make her pass as a countess so she could be her lady-in-waiting (!!!!!!)? The woman literally just walks into Possenhofen, says "I'm the countess of... hmmm... Place I Just Made Up" and everyone else it's like "Ok, we'll blindly believe you, you can be the lady-in-waiting of the future Empress, no background check whatsoever". Really? This is the best they could do?

Ultimately, the reason why I prefer the first episode over the second it's because even as frustrating as the Hungarian rebels scene was, at least it doesn't take half of the episode (and it does serves the purpose of "spicing things up" between the main couple, even though I think that could have been achived in a different way). At the end, most of the episode it's still grounded on historical facts and the main storyline it's the very real weekend at Ischl. However the second episode, as I said, feels like filler: we spend a considerable time with the fictional brothel storyline, and in consequence we see little to nothing of the actual engagement and how it took a toll on the very young Sisi. Why not show us instead the intense "crash courses" she had to do, trying to compensate the very informal education she had so far? Why not show us Elisabeth's Hungarian history teacher, Count Johann Mailath, who was probably the first person to positively influenced her about Hungary? Why not show the constant lavish presents that she received, to the point that it was so overwhelming that she had no interet in them? Why not show us how enduring all of this was for her, how she grew more and more melancholic as days passed? Why don't show us her siblings helping her with her studies and being her emotional support, why don't show how they all went to Vienna with her? (I personally really like the Wittelsbach siblings and it genuinely annoys me how often they get sidelined or straight up ignored in films and series about Sisi when she often spent more time with them than with her husband).

Another of the downsides is that the series continues to perpetuate the narrative of "Ludovika scheming to make her daughter Empress and Duke Max being the only one that cares for the girl's feelings". The truth is that Duke Max was an absent figure throughout his children's childhood, he was uninterested in family life and much preferred traveling to far away places. Later in her life Ludovika would say that Max only started to treat her well after their 50th (!) wedding anniversary. I understand that the idea of Good Duke Max is very ingrained in the myth of Sisi, but I think it's time to stop romanticising the man, specially if it's at the cost of making Ludovika look unscrupulous. The evidence we have does show us that there was a parent that cared for their children's wellbeing, and that parent wasn't Max.

Lastly, let's talk about the biggest red flag this series gave me: what was up with the characterizations?

I already talked about Sisi's character and to be honest I don't have anything else to add. I can see some parts of the real Elisabeth in Dominique's Sisi, and I can also see the more "bold" attitude that the screenwritters gave her. Which I don't mind that much since it's just an interpretation, although I do wish they at least kept her shyness. Now, what were they going for when they wrote Franz Josef's character? He is literally the opposite of his historical counterpart: they made him a ruthless, violent, rude, condescending, total frat boy. I go a bit more in-deep about what they did to Franz Josef in this ask, but quoting myself: I said before in a post that I tend to find FJ quite boring as a character in movies/series about Elisabeth (Elisabeth das musical being the exception, but that’s because all characters there are great), so I found this portrayal quite interesting for a change (this man is def not gonna bore us) but also worrisome. I’m all out for a protrayal of Franz Josef in which he isn’t a cardboard Prince Charming, but going all the way to make him practically unecognizable from the historical figure ain’t it either. Let’s hope that they do a good job with him in the rest of the episodes because as of now his whole characterization it’s the writers looking at the real Franz Josef and saying “I can make him worse”.

But the most dissapointing characterization wasn't that of the Imperial couple, but of Helene, Elisabeth's sister. Although hurt for what happened in Ischl Néné always remained close to Sisi and supported her through her hardest time. She loved her sister and never resented her. And yet here Helene is spiteful and mean towards Elisabeth because she envies her. Ugh. Much for this being a feminist show (still I have hope that in the rest of the episodes this changes).

All in all, I have mixed feelings mainly because while I enjoyed this episodes (the first one way more than the second), the truth it's that this wasn't the Sisi that I really wanted. Some people keep asking why are they still making movies/series about Elisabeth where there's already a lot out, and I'll keep answering that it's because none of them have got her right yet. As long as this modern retelling it's a good series I'll like it, but I also will regret that it's not actually about Elisabeth, but just inspired in her. Specially if the sacrifice of accuracy it's the cost of making trashy dramatic storylines full of stereotypes while simultaneously trying to pass as "empowering" and "feminist". Helene doesn't need to become in a spiteful sister, Franz Josef doesn't need to be villainized and Elisabeth definetly doesn't need to be "girlbossificated" for this series to be feminist: showing the life of this woman as it was, showing her struggles, weaknesses and strengths, in summary, being truthful to her life and to the lives of the women that were part of it would have been enough to have a real feminist message. Still, even after saying all that, I'm not pesimistic about the series: I saw potential in it, and I think that potential can be met. And at the end of the day, even if it end ups not making for a good historial series, I think it will be a fun watch nontheless.

[sakura-83]

Things from Anne with an e that I feel like writing down

Season 2 Episode 1: Youth Is The Season of Hope

1. Anne looking over her collection of treasures

2. Her walk through the forests and fields, talking to trees and watching butterflies and being free from worldly concerns such as dirtying her clothes or going home before dark

3. The general way that Anne loves nature

4. Anne falling into a creek. I’ve done that so many times

5. Anne coming hone covered in twigs and mud and Matthew just smiling

6. It does make me sad how Mr. Dunlop is genuinely happy at Green Gables but the plan still crumbles. He was a bad person but I still wish he could’ve had his house, a calm life, maybe then he could’ve changed forever.

7. The fact that when school isn’t in session, there’s no paper to be had for students

8. Anne critiquing the way Nate prays

9. “And bless those who are here, and those who are in our hearts” CUTTING INTO A SHOT OF THE BOAT GILBERT IS ON

10. Gilbert singing while he works

11. Bash being exasperated with Gilbert

12. Gilbert could’ve had a comfortable steady life but willingly chose to work in the name of adventure and experience

13. Nate trying to convince Anne of all people that geology is boring

14. Nate frequently says things that will trigger a flashback in Anne and yet she still continues to spring back up enthusiastically

15. The whole flirting thing between Nate and Marilla never fails to make me very uncomfortable

16. Yknow. It’s probably the money they stole from Jerry that’s paying the rent

17. Jerry having a mini heart attack when Anne is in the barn

18. Jerry knowing there’s something off about Nate but being unable to place it

19. Anne’s fond talk of reading seeking very surface level while the scene is interrupted by flashbacks of how it was the only hope, the only shred of happiness she was able to keep in her youth

20. “Reading can save your life.”

21. Anne finding Jane eyre when she had to hold the books as punishment

22. “Look at this sentence, isn’t it glorious!” “Sometimes you’re not very nice.” “What do you mean? Why are you- Jerry!” “No school for me, remember?” “I can teach you to read!”

23. Jerry telling her not to bother and her proceeding to relay the entire alphabet anyways

24. They don’t have any paper so Anne has to teach him by writing in the hay and dirt on the ground

25. Nate just starting to scream and throw things so people thing he’s having a breakdown

26. Stupid mr Barry falling for it

27. The cuthberts singing the same song as Gilbert while they work

28. Bash explaining to Gilbert that he’s a young white boy and he can do whatever he wants in life, but bash is stuck with his lot in life and needs to keep his job

29. Bash telling him he’s also bad at singing

30. “I’m so glad I get to live in a world where there are Octobers, aren’t you?”

31. Anne being baffled that they haven’t been to the beach since they were children

32. Anne going to the beach for the first time

33. The way she absolutely has to stand on the cliff edge over the ocean

34. Matthew waving back to her

35. Anne impulsively stripping down and jumping into the ocean during a Canadian October

36. Matthew doing the same

37. Anne can’t swim

38. Anne laughing at her near death experience

39. Matthew teaching her to swim

40. Anne asking to buy back Birdie with the harvest money

41. Even Marilla coming to enjoy the beach

42. Anne looking off into the sea from land and Gilbert looking out to the horizon from the ship deck

43. Only Anne would realize how well loved the gold chapter is

44. Anne’s impulsive and nosy nature is what ultimately revealed Nate’s lie

45. Nate manipulating a child and taking advantage of their trust

46. “How about a dashing hero, named Albert, Herbert, Rupert, Pilbert-“ “Pilbert!? That’s ridiculous! I would never write a story about a boy named Pilbert!” “It’s not like we can’t tell-“ “Well YOU always murder everyone because you can’t figure out what to do with your characters-“

47. Aunt Josephine wanting to read their stories

48. Anne using an entire framed embroidery piece to teach Jerry to read

49. Jerry trying to refuse learning to read but being convinced by the way Anne talks about it so fondly

50. “Reading can save your life.” “Alright, I’ll try it.” “YES!”

51. “Let’s kill the cat.” The cat being Anne. I wouldn’t put actually killing her past Nate

52. Them decorating a pie

53. Jerry carving the alphabet into the barn wall

54. Poor Jerry, not only did Nate beat him terrible but the comments about “a little French pig” are also. Ouch.

55. Anne coming out of a flashback and still acting brave, plus her starting to catch on to Nate based on his outbursts and Jerry’s behavior

56. Not Nate half stripping in front of Marilla >:(

57. Yayyyyy more marriage drama from the Barry household

58. “I just want to do something that matters for once.”

59. Mr Dunlop really isn’t so bad to me? A crook, sure, but one with basic empathy and way less full of malice towards children

60. Anne making him an apron

61. One specific tell of the lie being the specific repeated use of the phrase “moral quandary”. Most people in a genuinely situation wouldnt repeatedly use that phrase and Nate’s liberal use of it makes him feel scripted which is perfect because he’s a liar using a script

62. Marilla giving Jerry an entire BASKET of pastries for his family

63. Never tell Rachel Lynde a secret

64. $150 PER GOLD TEST????

65. Fun facts from Matthew, most folks in Avonlea make about $300-$400 a year

66. Nate isn’t a great actor but mr Dunlop certainly is, mostly because he’s half genuinely

67. “You are a moral man.” :/ well

68. Anne immediately thinking of writing to Gilbert and being determined to find where he is

69. Anne almost cracking the code with the stamp and then getting distracted

70. “Does that sound romantical?” The- the manifest, not the letter to Gilbert-“

71. “Please let there be gold in Avonlea, so that there’s no more hardship for anyone. And please, please help me get my letter to Gilbert. And please be sure I don’t misspell any words! Amen.”

[dontwarnthetadpoles]

What are your thoughts on Angel season 4?

I apologize in advance because it won't be a short answer. I don't know how to write short answer.

Season 4 is on my top 4 of the best seasons of btvs with the first three seasons. My podium is:

season 2

season 3

season 4

season 1

I'm not really a fan of fantastic and fantasy, so what got me hooked on Buffy was not the vampires or the gothic atmosphere but the writing and the characters.

The sci fi fangirl in me adored the end of Out of Sight Out of Mind with its world of invisible killers trained by the FBI, and i loved the concept of Some Assembly Required with its Frankenstein villain, but i still had hope for more.

So i was on the moon when i realized that the main theme of season 4 was the Initiative, the secrecy surrounding illegal government experiments and their methods to hide the truth (i'm not a fan at all of conspiracy theories but the plot reminded me of a brilliant sci-fi and period drama tv show set in the 60's that i used to watch at the same time as Buffy).

I think it blended very nicely with the aesthetic of the show. The idea to create en entire high technology lab under the campus was genius. I loved the contrast with the messy and relaxed life of the students obssessed with partying and flirting. The coolest visual effects were the hidden elevator to reach the lab underground and the white walls of the lab.

And Riley had such a Clark Kent/Superman vibe. I started rooting for him when he saved Willow's life, so it was quite easy to make him a favourite, after it was revealed that he had a secret identity. I liked a lot that the writers tried to play the contrast between his academic persona as a serious/boring assistant and his status as the charismatic and strong leader of The initiative.

It was cute that he was so powerless in front of Buffy, that he lost all his means when he tried to seduce her. I love the idea of a man as strong as him looking vulnerable in the front of the woman he loves. I really loved them as a couple, their romantic chemistry reminded me of the vintage classic Hollywood films. Just like the film that Buffy was watching with her mother at the end of Innocence. They were sexy enough for me (their bed scenes were all hot even the one with Faith). I didn't need to see them ham it (like when the fraternity house was haunted by the sexual energy of the former residents, the most useless episode ever). If Restless had been the series final, i would have been very satisfied with the idea that they were a romantic endgame.

However there are plenty things i regret:

Giles, Xander and Anya had no arcs, no reason to be on this season. Willow's arc was only saved because of the romantic developments with Oz and Tara. I have a theory (i can't develop it: this post is already too long) about how they should have died at the end of season 3 (except Willow who should have left for Ats with Angel), and their ghostly presence in season 4 confirms my view.

.Adam was a a cool villain but wasn't enough. The subplot of his army of half demons and half humans was a strong twist, but was also lacking the emotional reward that i got used to get from the show.

That's why the hasty departure of Oz was a disaster. His love story with Willow was the heart and soul the season needed. Whedon should have worked harder to convince Seth Green that he wrote for Oz the best arc and that he should stayed at least this season to give him the spectacular send off he deserved. He wanted to kill Oz and make Willow go dark since season 2, and for me The Initiative arc was really the last arc in which this twist made sense. It didn't work at all with Tara.

Also Dark Willow destroying The Initiative and killing Adam before Buffy stops her would have been so much more satisfying, because the two girls still had a strong emotional connection (in season 6 they become distant because of depression and addiction, that's why Xander was in better place to help her in Grave).

I hated how Angel constantly came back to meddle with Buffy's life and prevent her happiness with Riley. He was taking too much place for a character who left the show, though the spin off needed the crossovers to survive. I hated how the writers even made Buffy hook up with Spike while she was dating Riley. This bad boy thing was really stretched far beyond necessity.

It undermined her relationship with Riley for no reason. I would have prefered the start of their romance to be drama free except for the reveal of their secret identities. I would have even waited longer before they started dating if only the writers would have given us the Clark/Lois vibe that their couple was meant to give. Two awesome people falling in love.

The season was already packed up with so many things: the Initiative was a dense arc, to imagine what it could have been if the budget had been bigger gives me a headache. Season 4 arc was so ambitious, it could have worked as a concept for a spin off.

And yet i wanted more: i wanted the show to question earlier the origin of Buffy's powers and the mythology about it. Buffy's confrontation with Sineya in Restless was the highest point of the season. I would have kept Sineya a surprise for the finale but i would have used the centric episode written about Spike during season 5 where he killed the chinese slayer and Nikki Wood (but without the romantic undertones) in this season instead. As a complement to Faith's return.

I would have wanted to see the Initiative and the Watchers Council wanting to control them, to watch the governmental agency searching the origin of their powers in order to create its own slayers and become more efficient in the fight against demons, sending Buffy in a quest to get her own answers.

And that's all and that's too much! Sorry again!

Edit: the ask was about Ats season 4. So much of my thoughts on BtVS season 4 and Ats season 4 have changed radically upon my last rewatch. 90% is not anymore true, that's why i will write this Ats season 4 answer, i just don't know when.

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Bad Manners (S2, E5)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:35 - Martin totally thought John Watkins abducted and killed Ainsley. Mark my words. 

0:44 - Holy. Shit. Ainsley is FIVE years old (or younger) here right? A five year old with that much determination?!?! She literally stayed silent in that clock for probably hours......and no one was concerned about this kid when Martin was arrested because...?

1:09 - Anyone else impressed with Malcolm’s aim here? Just me?

1:20 - Gil and Malcolm talking about sleep and murder is so freaking sweet. <3 Honestly, they’re acting like friends instead of co-workers and it warms my cold dead heart. 

1:29 - Does Gil become a grumpy old man when he doesn’t get 8 hours sleep? I really want to know now. 

1:39 - OMG. Gil pointing at Ainsley here is hilarious. He’s totally acting like some weird mix of a stern pissed off high-school teacher, and a step-dad trying to discipline an unruly teen. hahaha AND MALCOLM’S FACE. Look how done Malcolm is. He looks so so tired, sad, and exasperated. 

1:44 - Wow. Girl power. Ainsley has those camera guys bending to her will. I honestly would’ve thought they would just read the situation and turn the camera off themselves. 

1:47 - “It’s not a game.” Yikes. I have thoughts about this:

Malcolm is right - it’s not a game. 

Malcolm is a bit of a hypocrite for saying that to Ainsley. Although, to his credit even when Malcolm is excited/inappropriately happy about murder it’s always pretty clear that he thinks murder is wrong, and that he has sympathy for the victims and their families. 

Ainsley does not have that same sympathy for the victims. That much is clear later in this episode. 

Pretty sure the writers are trying to turn Ainsley into a serial killer this season. 

2:13 - “You know I like to share these things with my friends.” .....does this mean Malcolm thinks Dani and JT are his friends now? Last I checked (Ep 1x05) Malcolm didn’t have friends. This absolutely melts my heart. <3 I’m honestly so happy that Malcolm considers someone other than Gil to be his friend.

2:18 - “We lost Dani to vice.” .....What is vice? AND WHAT IS THE REAL LIFE REASON THAT DANI WASN’T IN THIS EPISODE?!? 

2:19 - Edrisa has a medical degree right? She has to know how dangerous consuming that much caffeine is right? Plus aren’t energy drinks super dangerous if you drink a lot of them (or maybe that’s just what adults in my neighbourhood told kids)?

2:30 - Edrisa SHINES in this episode. She’s so funny and awkward and I just love her. 

2:36 - hahaha Gil has adopted the whole team. Look at him throwing the “Dad warning stare” at Edrisa. 

3:31 - Why does Edrisa start bouncing around looking upset when Malcolm says, “rejection is a powerful motivator”?!?! Has she recently been broken up with or something? Is this a reference to how she has a crush on Malcolm (who doesn’t reciprocate)? I WANT MORE INFORMATION.

3:47 - TWIZZLERS!!! <3 Damn I love how this tiny detail about Malcolm’s character keeps coming up. 

3:55 - Ainsley is on a rampage this episode. She’s so determined ...actually she’s acting a lot like Jessica (think girl in the box bracelet). However, unlike Jessica, Ainsley’s motives aren’t about justice or the safety of her loved ones.  Ainsley is chasing personal gain (career) with a side of (a subconscious?) need to be exposed to murder and her father’s twisted world. 

4:05 - This whole interaction between Ainsley and Malcolm is really interesting. Ainsley is knowingly manipulating Malcolm to get the answers she wants. We’ve seen her do it in 2x4 and 1x19. She knows her big brother would do anything for her. It makes sense, they’re five years apart and after the trauma they experienced as children Malcolm felt responsible to protect Ainsley. He never wants to disappoint Ainsley. Not a burden he should’ve had to deal with but I digress. PLUS Malcolm looks weary of Ainsley here. He knows what she’s doing. He’s scared that she’s turning to the dark side. But he still gives her the answers because if he doesn’t - that means something has changed. He thinks that would make Ainsley suspicious and then she might remember what happened to Endicott. He’s scared of and for Ainsley. 

4:32 - OKAY. I’ll say it. The thing that annoys me the most about this episode is that it suggests that Ainsley was a debutant when in 1x6 AINSLEY TELLS MARTIN SHE WAS NEVER A DEBUTANT. She went to etiquette school - I guess that doesn’t strictly mean she also did debutant balls but it sort of suggests it in the context of this episode? Did she actually graduate from the etiquette school (there was bullying, maybe she was expelled/dropped out similar to Malcolm and Remington?)?

4:59 - “No stabbies” OMG. How is this show not classified as a comedy?!? Istg I laugh harder watching this ‘drama’ then I do watching most of the shows that call themselves ‘comedies’.

5:35 - It’s honestly kind of amazing that Ainsley and Malcolm are as ‘sane’ as they are. They were raised by a stubborn predatory psychopath and a stubborn rich meddling socialite. They had no chance of normalcy. Look at the amount of pleasure Martin is currently getting by throwing his son under the bus with regards to Jessica. 

 5:45 - “No actually, I cleaned it up.”.....does this have a dual meaning? Did Martin do something to make Malcolm dispose of the body? We already know that Martin has tried some sort of conditioning on Malcolm (remember ‘C’mon boy!’ from 1x14? The stabbing?). What if Martin said some sort of trigger word to control Malcolm and coerced Malcolm into getting rid of the body? What if this isn’t the first time?

6:05 - Ainsley is a sociopath. I’m calling it again. I called it when I first watched Q&A (1x7) because the way she treated Malcolm was more than just selfish/careless. It was cruel and she didn’t feel any remorse for literally broadcasting her brother’s private health details on television. That is messed up. I honestly won’t be shocked if the writers make Ainsley a full blown serial killers (although I’m not sure I want that because I don’t know how Malcolm would remain the main character if the story goes in that direction?). 

6:12 - Poor Jessica. I honestly feel really bad for her. Sure, she’s a headstrong alcohol dependant crazy rich woman. She also has a good heart. She’s been dealt a pretty shitty hand when it comes to relationships (minus Gil but she ruined that because she’s a MORON) and now she’s terrified that her own children have become monsters and she blames herself. She definitely hasn’t been a perfect mother but I don’t think she’s to blame for Ainsley and Malcolm’s obsession with murder. If these kids had a different bio dad, they would probably just have a low-key drug problem or some other common rich kid baggage. 

6:15 - “You know that’s not how cancer works right?” LOL. hahahaha

6:33 - Martin kind of has a point. There’s no rehab for murder. That’s why he’s been in jail for 20 years and he still wants to kill people. In my opinion, given what we’ve seen of Ainsley’s personality: as soon as she fully remembers that night - she’s gone. She’ll go full serial killer and Jessica and Malcolm will lose her forever. 

6:40 - Jessica’s little jazz hand finger twinkle as she spins on her heel and leaves Martin kills me. It’s so extra. It’s so funny. And it’s sooo Jessica. 

6:47 - Damn. Martin is pissed. I’m worried. That’s murder-level rage. If he escapes ISTG Martin is going to try and kill Gil. For so many reasons 1) because he hates Gil, 2) it’ll hurt Jessica, and 3) killing Gil will eliminate his ‘Dad’ competition. 

6:54 - Edrisa on caffeine is AMAZING.

7:43 - I love Edrisa but her blatant, unreciprocated crush on Malcolm is honestly getting a little creepy. 

7:52 - Gil spent all last season drinking out of a Yankee’s mug. Doesn’t that mean he’s a baseball fan? Why doesn’t he know this pitcher guy?

7:56 - hahahaa “Where is JT?” Because obviously JT is the team sports fan. 

8:22 - Does Gil get nightmares about cases? He always seems really uncomfortable around the dead bodies. 

8:45 - “And suddenly I’m wide awake” SERIOUSLY - is anyone else laughing every 60 seconds when they watch this show? Is my sense of humour just super dark and messed up?

8:54 - YES. The liquorice is BACK.

9:00 - I love Malcolm talking to JT about his obsession with candy. I love how Malcolm doesn’t even hesitate before giving JT an honest answer. Malcolm is acting like JT’s annoying little brother and I am here for it. One thing I did notice though - Malcolm specifically mentions candy+dopamine but doesn’t mention his depression/anxiety. Processed sugar can be a short-term (unhealthy) way to boost your mood. It’s why some people eat their feelings. I really want more backstory about Malcolm with the lollipops and licorice though. 

9:19 - “But you didn’t do anything wrong.” Awwww Malcolm is so soft here. I love how much he genuinely cares about JT. <3 I love how JT is comfortable enough with Malcolm to give him an honest answer. <3 THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS GONE THROUGH SUCH A GLOW UP. <3 

9:32 - “Like toy dolls?” hahaha the way Malcolm perked up here. All I could think was “SQUIRREL!” hahaha. 

9:41 - Malcolm is doing better than he has been the past few episodes? I mean he’s still suffering and he’s still in a terrible mental state. BUT he also seems happier? IDK maybe he’s just entered the more manic nervous energy stage of his emotions as opposed to the depressed and scared stage. 

9:49 - “Deep childhood trauma”. So we’re looking for a debutant killer with childhood trauma who is chasing perfection? Debutant = rich lady culture. Like Ainsley. AND Ainsley went to the same etiquette school as the first two victims. The writer’s wanted us to assume the killer was Ainsley for the first 15 mins of this episode right? I’m not the only one seeing it?

10:04 - “My sister went there too.” ....why is there something super attractive about the way that line was delivered?

10:08 - I’m so done with this absolute tom foolery. Why does the team keep splitting up into two teams - where one team is JUST MALCOLM. The one who is unarmed and technically a civilian?!? This makes no logical sense to me (except for plot).

10:25 - Was Martin just about to say, “Just like the old days”?!? Is Martin referring to Endicott? OR is Martin referring to something that Malcolm’s repressed from his childhood?

10:30 - “I always root for the bad guys.” .....finally some truth from Martin.

10:40 - Soooooo I guess Mr. David doesn’t know? I promise you Mr. David has suspicions though. How could he not?!?!

11:24 - “It was brutal for Ains.” Look at how sad Malcolm is! Ugh. This hurts so much. He clearly loves his sister so so much and what she’s done is slowly killing him. I honestly think that part of the reason Malcolm helped Ainsley dispose of the body is that Malcolm doesn’t want to loose his sister. His sister is one of the only good things he’s always been able to count on. If word gets around that she’s a killer - Malcolm’s fragile world gets shattered a little more and I don’t know if Malcolm can recover mentally from that. 

11:36 - “Teasing made her capable of...stuff.” C’MON. There’s no way Mr. David doesn’t know. 

11:45 - Sooo is Martin saying that he recognized that Ainsley was a sociopath when she was a small child? Or did she just respond to his (or John Watkins’) grooming much ‘better’ than Malcolm?

11:56 - “Because she’s her mother’s” Okay. So I see the point. I can see that Ainsley is driven and stubborn like Jessica. BUT it feels like Martin is suggesting that Jessica is capable of murder? Which - I honestly don’t think she is. If anything - Malcolm is more like Jessica than Ainsley is.

11:59 - There was a look in Martin’s eyes when he was comparing Ainsley to Jessica that really freaked me out. I can’t figure out why. It makes me wonder if Martin still somehow views Jessica as ‘his possession’ (he refers to her as his wife all the time but I always assumed that was just to get a rise out of people?). Martin’s dream from 2x4 certainly suggests that he still wants Jessica romantically. I honestly think he’s going to try to escape and rekindle the romance with Jess; and it’s going to go very poorly when Jessica rejects him. 

12:06 - Preach JT. Preach. This is creepy af. 

13:00 - Ugh. Of course this creep has a history of indecent exposure. Now I understand why Gil and JT were hostile with the dude right from the start. 

13:12 - Man. People will use the Bible to justify anything. No wonder people hate Christians ( I say this as a practicing Christian).

13:18 - JT is such a good dude. I’m so glad he’s a dad now. <3 He’s going to be such a good one. <3

13:26 - “One phone call and this place will be shut down.” OH SHIT. GIL THAT IS VICIOUS AND I RESPECT THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

13:35 - I soooo thought that dude was going to sprint out of that room. 

14:30 - THIS. YES. This is why I have a problem with Ainsley’s enthusiasm for murder vs. Malcolm’s. Ainsley’s enthusiasm is centred on her nee to ‘get the story’. She’s obsessed with forwarding her career and as a result she’s treating crime like a competitive sport. Malcolm’s obsession (while it can border on creepy and reckless) is always centred on his need to find the killer and stop the murders. Malcolm is seeking justice and his heart is in the right place. I can’t say the same for Ainsley.

14:31 - “We’re brother and sister, everything is a competitive sport”.....whoever wrote this doesn’t have a sibling they experienced trauma with as a kid (and as a result was raised by a single parent). Seriously, my dad was abusive he lived with us until I was 10 and my brother was 7. Then my parents got divorced and my mom was a single parent (he didn’t pay child support or see his kids after the divorce). Are my brother and I competitive? Sure sometimes. But the way we grew up forced us to become partners. Annoyed with Mom? Let��s rant about it together. Is he struggling in math? I’ll tutor him in exchange for a Reese cup. Am I struggling at daycare because I have massive social anxiety? He’ll include me in whatever he’s doing so I’m not sitting alone in a corner. My point: siblings who experience trauma together don’t have the typical sibling relationships that are widely televised in North America. There’s a lot less fighting and competition and a lot more teaming up and commiserating. 

14:39 - “It. It’s terrible.” - Notice how Ainsley didn’t actually say how it made her feel? She gave the standard “TV response” to a murder “a terrible/horrific/tragedy has occurred”. She doesn’t feel bad that these women are dead. She’s too consumed with getting a story to even stop and let herself feel anything. I’ve been saying it since last season - the way Ainsley shows no regard for other people and their feelings when she’s obsessed with her job is concerning. 

14:50 - “Remind me of the people who cut us off after Dad’s arrest.” ...Are you kidding me?!? The whole fandom has been speculating about this since early season one and they’re not going to elaborate on that line?!? I’m going to need some more information about this and it better be in the upcoming episode where Jessica’s younger sister appears. 

15:40 - She thinks of her students as family? Sooo what does she think of Ainsley? Wasn’t Ainsley bullied at this school? Did she do anything about it? 

16:00 - this is like a ‘weekend/evening school’ right? Kids aren’t living in this house like a boarding school/summer camp?

16:01 - “Mr. Whitly” UGH. This bitch preaches etiquette and she doesn’t even have the common courtesy to call Malcolm by the name with which he introduced himself? Nah. I don’t like her. 

16:13 - Ugh. Ainsley, seriously? Why don’t you help your brother solve the case. AND PREVENT MORE MURDERS. Why are you indirectly but purposely obstructing justice?

16:37 - “Of course.” Huh. Do you think Martin might try and manipulate Ainsley into killing Malcolm? Ainsley definitely capable of it. She doesn’t actually seem to care about Malcolm nearly as much as he cares about her. 

17:17 - WTF?!? That’s creepy af. How did no one in this show think this assistant was a suspect? She has a super creepy doll that she ‘forgot’ on the floor the middle of a hallway. AND THE DOLL WAS STANDING UP. Not sitting, not dropped carelessly, STANDING UP.

17:30 - Look at Malcolm’s face. He’s definitely going to be having nightmares about that doll. 

18:25 - OMG. This was amazing. JT just totally bulldozed his way into catching that dude. Very badass. Also kind of funny (maybe that’s just my messed up sense of humour again?).

18:44 - Ugh. This dude has a thing for dolls. I don’t want to kink shame but - no. no. There’s something really gross about that.  

18:48 - I’ve seen some people say that this doll looks like Ainsley and how that’s supposed to be some sort of foreshadowing/symbolism. I kind of see it? I mean the hair colour is similar and if you pause the screen at 18:48 the angle kind of looks like Ainsley? It would be an interesting metaphor though - Ainsley played with dolls as a little girl. John Watkins gave her angel statues. She is Watkins’ and Martin’s doll’ in the sense that she was the object that murders manipulated/groomed. 

18:53 - Then again, pause the screen here and there’s something about the facial structure that looks like Dani to me. 

19:00 - Jessica lets Ainsley work in the murder office?!? No. No she doesn’t. This is garbage. Jessica would’ve forbade it. Jessica would’ve bordered up this room immediately after Watkins.

19:57 - Poor Jessica. She’s clearly terrified that she’s losing Ainsley and terrified of Ainsley. BUT Jess, sweetie, running to Europe won’t fix this. 

20:16 - “She wanted the dolls to look like her students.” AND PEOPLE SEND THEIR CHILDREN TO HER?!? WTF?!? NO. NO. NO. NOT OKAY. 

20:31 - HAHA look at Gil’s face when Trevor tells him he can make the ‘perfect woman’. Gil’s like WTF - can I arrest you for thinking you can fabricate a ‘perfect woman’?!!?

21:06 - Malcolm is having so much fun playing with Trevor’s doll head. Look at how excited he is. It’s kind of adorable but his manic energy is showing which is concerning. 

21:10 - Why is Trevor giving his doll fancy 1940s(ish) names? 

21:31 - Props to LDP. I honestly believed Gil was annoyed with Malcolm for barging in on the interrogation the first time I watched this. 

21:42 - “They got a word for everything.” hahaha OMG. This is so reminiscent of a teenager explaining some new tech to their tech-illiterate parents. 

22:00 - I can’t tell if Gil feels sorry for this creep or if he just thinks the dude is really gross. Probably a mixture. 

23:00 - Oh we’re bringing up the chloroform again. At least Malcolm knows not listen to Martin about this nonsense. 

23:25 - “It doesn’t feel fun.” - THIS. This is why I honestly don’t think Malcolm will ever become a serial killer. His guilt complex is just too big.

23:56 - Are. You. Kidding. Me? This is next level. Ainsley is so out of line here. AND SHE SHOWS NO REMORSE. SHE DOESN’T THINK SHE’S DONE ANYTHING WRONG. THIS GIRL HAS GONE DARK SIDE (she was already halfway there).

24:17 - I’m getting papa!Gil vibes when Gil is talking to Ainsley and I want more scenes of them interacting. Seriously, did Gil have a relationship with Ainsley when she was a kid? I MUST KNOW.

24:45 - Ainsley has no conscience. I honestly don’t think Ainsley has a conscience. 

25:00 - “Who is that!?” Malcolm is totally acting like he’s Ainsley’s father-figure right now. I’m here for it. 

25:22 - SORE LOSERS?!? I’m sorry. What? If you weren’t concerned about Ainsley you damn well should be now. That is seriously messed up. People are dead. This is not a game. Do you know who else thought murder was a game? Martin Whitly.

25:31 - Okay. Ainsley has a point. Malcolm lecturing anyone about being reckless is pretty hypocritical. But at least Malcolm cares about her. 

25:54 - Heart. Shattered. Look at how terrified Jessica is. Look at how gentle and reassuring Gil is. UGh. WHY DID SHE BREAK UP WITH HIM??! I mean, I know why I just think she’s a moron for doing it. 

26:00 - Poor Gil. He’s so confused and so concerned. The whole Whitly family is acting crazier then usual and he doesn’t know why. 

26:11 - “Both you and Malcolm are at an 11 and I’ve never seen Ainsley like that.” FIND YOURSELF A MAN WHO CARES LIKE GIL AND NEVER LET HIM GO. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Seriously. The love and concern he shows for this family warms my cold dead heart. 

26:16 - “Her father?!” Oh shit. Now Gil knows there’s something BIG happening. Jessica would never run to Martin unless she absolutely had to. 

26:19 - annnnd Gil’s also being a prideful man who’s feeling are hurt. “You went to him?” He’s right to be though - the woman he loves went to a serial killer for advice before going to the guy who practically co-parented with her. 

26:33 - “I’m here. Whatever you need. I’m here.” <3 <3 Gil is the definition of a good man. <3 I’m in love with it. 

26:48 - “You were right on time for me.” ....*snort* subtle Gil (and in front of JT!!)

27:08 - Edrisa is hysterical on caffeine. hahaha. This whole scene is perfect. 

27:20 - You know someone is acting manic when Malcolm Bright is concerned about their eccentric behaviour. 

27:34 - Annnnnd Tom Payne was a split second from breaking character here. I don’t blame him. hahaha

28:05 - EDRISA flipping and dropping that pencil. HAHAHAHAHAHA

29:10 - “Absolutely not.” hahaha this is funny but also really sweet. Malcolm knows that Edrisa hopped up on caffeine isn’t safe to have near an active killer. Who knows what’ll happen. I wish he’d care that much about his own well being. Looks like calling for backup last episode was a one time thing. 

30:37 - I’ll give the writers one thing - Miss Windsor makes a convincing murder suspect.

31:22 - GIL. STANDING. UP. FOR. JT. IS. EVERYTHING. Where is O’Malley’s back up? Oh yeah, they’re not brave enough to defend him.

32:00 - Huh. Bright texted for backup. This is growth. I’m proud of him. 

32:15 - YES. This JT arc was handled right. Sure JT could’ve complained. It would’ve been episodes upon episodes of bureaucratic nightmares and injustice. This show isn’t about racism. They showed enough to portray that the system is broken and they had JT act like a responsible adult. It’s not fair that JT had to go through this or that he’ll likely experience something similar to it again. But the fact that JT is acting like a bigger person is perfect. JT will protect his family. Always. That includes Malcolm. So JT avoids putting through a formal complaint because he knows that will take time away from doing his job, from protecting others, from hanging out with his wife and kid. JT’s taking the higher road, it might not be gratifying or fair but I respect the hell out of him for taking it. 

32:28 - Gil is so so proud of JT. Look at him. <3 <3 

33:40 - Look, Miss Windsor is a bit of a stuck up bitch but she has a good heart. Look at the way she immediately tells Malcolm where Ainsley is when she realizes what’s happening. 

34:14 - This confused me during the first watch - Ainsley obviously didn’t drink any tea - so why is she drugged? (obviously I know now). 

34:17 - Big brother Malcolm frantically looking for Ainsley is so so sweet. <3 

35:42 - The music, the dolls, and Miss Windsor’s speech here. There’s something about this part of the episode that is strangely reminiscent of 5x16 of Criminal Minds.

36:20 - ......does Miss Windsor have some sort of mental illness? She’s talking to herself and ranting erratically. Is this just emotional stress or something deeper?

37:00 - This is why Malcolm’s not a serial killer. Even now- looking at a killer - he’s trying to sympathize with her. He’s trying to understand why. He’s trying to calm her down, diffuse the threat, and get her mental help. 

39:00 - Oh yeah. Ainsley was definitely going to kill without remorse. Again. I’ve seen some theories that Ainsley only ever tries to kill to protect Malcolm. I disagree. I think Ainsley’s trying to protect herself. Ainsley is pissed off that this girl tried to drug her and kill her because she thinks Ainsley is wicked. Ainsley was pissed at Endicott for whatever he did to Ainsley before Malcolm got there. I think Ainsley felt threatened and scared so she reacted. I don’t think this has anything to do with protecting Malcolm.

39:41 - Malcolm isn’t a killer. Look. He smells gas but he takes the time to carry an unconscious murderer (who literally just tried to kill his sister) out of the building. 

40:00 - The drama. Holy hell. What a weird ending to this case.

40:48 - Who gave Ainsley a police jacket and let her keep it?

41:14 - She almost died and she’s still obsessing over ‘winning’. This is seriously unstable behaviour. Way more concerning than anything Malcolm’s done since 2x1. 

41:45 - “My father was a serial killer also.” Anyone else super irritated by that phrasing?!?  Just me?!? Something about the ‘also’ feels super wrong to me.

41:53 - Oh sweetie. I’d argue that you are more messed up than Malcolm. 

42:06 - Jessica went to see Martin twice in one episode. THIS IS BAD.

42:15 - “Maybe even more so than Malcolm if that’s possible.” Jessica knows her kids. I’m on her side here. 

42:20 - Martin is way too happy about Ainsley showing signs of serial killing. 

42:30 - Jessica? You married an act. That man never existed. He’s always been a serial killer. You just didn’t know it. He’s manipulative and you were a victim to it. 

42:50 - “A partner.” OH THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL. ESPECIALLY FOR THE GIL/JESSICA ARC.

Okay....so definitely the weakest episode of the season so far. AND the fact that we got no mention of Tally and/or the baby this episode is a crime. 

BUT I’M SO SO SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE. It’s going to be a televised fanfic and I can’t wait. 

[amphtaminedreams]

Farewell to Spooky Season, AHS Style: Lookbook no.12

Hi to anyone reading,

Happy belated Halloween!

I capitalise it because if I'm gonna recognise any day as sacred, it’s the spookiest one of the year! Halloween 2020 obviously hasn’t been as exciting as usual, parties and club nights being banned has meant there’s been far less opportunities to dress up, but I still managed to get out for the night before they announced the upcoming second lockdown and do a couple of spooky movie nights (and carve a pumpkin!)!

I originally intended for this lookbook to be last minute halloween costume inspo but I was lazy and didn’t manage to get it out on time-a lot of these looks minus the makeup and maybe an accessory or two could work on any day or night out so I thought I’d go ahead and post it now anyway. Celebrating the fashion moments of American Horror Story is something I’ve wanted to do for a while; it’s probably not the first show you’d think of for sartorial inspiration but Mr. Ryan Murphy has fucking fantastic taste in stylists and the first five seasons of AHS in particular, which I’ll be focussing on in this post, have given us SO many amazing looks. The man may be guilty of many things-subjecting us to the character of Will Schuester, trying to turn Richard Ramirez into a thirst trap, embarrassing everyone who raved about how good Scream Queens was when he wrote season 2-but costume related laziness is not one of them. We see more consistency in a Ryan Murphy character’s wardrobe than we do in their story arcs and I respect that because honestly, as much as I love joining in when it comes to ripping into his ability to cohesively bring an AHS season to a close when it airs, I’d probably be the same; if you put Lady Gaga in front of me and told me to write her lines I’d probably end up getting overly invested in what her character was going to be wearing in the scene too. 

So! Enough Ryan Murphy bashing from me! I’ll get on with it! Starting with 3 season 1 inspired looks:

Murder House: Elizabeth Short, Tate Langdon and Violet Harmon

-striped jumper from caitlinlark on Depop, kick flare jeans from ellagray-

When it comes to reflecting on season 1 of American Horror Story, all I can say do is thank the internet overlords that Tumblr has moved on from the romanticising school shooters and wearing normal people scare me tops phase to instead collectively taking the piss out of the “GO AWAY, TATE!”, “YOU’RE ALL THAT I WANTTT! YOU’RE ALL THAT I HAVEEE!” exchange. 

In terms of fashion *moments*, whilst season 1 doesn’t stand out as much as the seasons that come after, Violet and Tate’s wardrobes did give birth to a bit of a 90s grunge renaissance with their oversized knits and faded jeans and layering of textures. It did also give us good costumes in the form of Alexandra Breckenridge’s Moira O’Hara and Mena Suvari’s portrayal of the Black Dahlia, Elizabeth Short; unfortunately, I didn’t have a slutty maid costume lying around so I did the best I could at giving the outfit Elizabeth wears when she makes that fateful visit to the Murder House a modern, more party appropriate update.

In terms of season rankings, Murder House isn’t my favourite. It starts off really great but lulls a bit towards the end and I could never get behind Violet and Tate as a couple because you know, one of them is a school shooter who sexually assaults the other’s mum, and that’s a hurdle that I think most couples might struggle to get over irl. That being said, it was the season that started it all and showcased some of the most innovative writing and directing on TV, and it opened up a spot for horror on primetime television which as far as I know was kind of unheard of before then. Back when I first watched it, I had no idea what to expect not only because I’d never seen horror in a serial format but also because it seemed to be able to get away with the kind of storylines you’d expect network executives to fire people over. It introduced us to Jessica Lange and Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters and Denis O’Hare who would go on to make the show what it is today and more importantly, through Jessica’s glorious portrayal of Constance Langdon, provide us with an endlessly versatile meme format for this trying time.

Asylum: ‘60s Lana Winters, ‘70s Lana Winters, and Sister Mary Eunice McKee

-afghan coat from louisemarcella on Depop, red AA skater dress from julietramage, pink gingham co-ord from zshamim-

I think we can all agree: Asylum would’ve been a perfect series of television if it wasn’t for the completely unnecessary alien storyline. Like, I get that they fit in with the whole good vs. evil theme as a kind of non-biblical alternative to the idea of a higher, all-powerful being but there was already so much going on that it just wasn’t needed. Aside from that, I think the general consensus amongst watchers of the show is that Asylum has the best writing of any season and I think I’d tend to agree. It’s not my favourite because it’s too depressing to rewatch but if we’re talking the first time round, this is the series that had me hooked. Lana Winters?

Iconic. 

Sister Mary Eunice? Iconic. The Name Game? Iconic. Remember when you couldn’t go a day on Facebook without seeing that one photo of Naomi Grossman as Pepper used as the go to “what I really look like” photo in one of those “expectation vs. reality” style posts on your newsfeed? Those were simpler times.

Because this season was mostly situated within the hospital, we didn’t get that many proper outfits but when we did, they were stunning; if I had to state my absolute favourite AHS character of the entire show I’d probably go with Lana Winters and the part her wardrobe played in her characterisation would 100% play a part in that. The late 60s/early 70s was such a wonderful period for fashion and through her character we get to see both of those explored a little. Of course there’s also *that* Sister Mary Eunice scene with the red slip dress and suspenders too which yes, could be a perfect halloween costume, but I also strongly believe should be a perfectly acceptable outfit for any day of the year. 

Coven: Misty Day, Madison Montgomery, and Zoe Benson

-chiffon dress from rags_to_riches on Depop, pinstripe corset from hanpiercey, and tennis skirt from mollie_morton-

I hate to be a basic bitch but I have to say it: Coven is my favourite season of American Horror Story. Once you get over the complete waste of Evan Peters’ acting capabilities that resulted from the *choice* to have him play Kyle, the unnecessary rehash of the Evan/Taissa pairing from season 1 in what I can only assume was an attempt to capitalise on the popularity of the questionable Tate/Violet relationship, and the subsequent sacrifice of any interesting character arc we could’ve foreseen for Zoe Benson beyond her obsessing over a resurrected, non-verbal frat boy, it’s a perfect season. A supreme (heh) balance of horror, humour, and character drama, as well as the stunning aesthetics and forever quotable dialogue, make it my go-to season if I’m ever considering a rewatch. And if you disagree, let me jog your memory with the most mainstream (not to get all “normal people scare me” and suggest AHS is not a mainstream show, I literally just mean in the sense that even those who have never watched the show will have seen this)  reaction GIF set any FX show has even spawned:

Buzzfeed employees had a field day, Emma Roberts enthusiasts (I mean me) finally saw her cemented as the pop culture icon Scream Queens has since showed us she deserves to be (because not enough people have seen Unfabulous, Nancy Drew or Scream 4) and the gays everywhere rejoiced at the year’s worth of meme fodder they’d been provided with. It was Madison Montgomery’s world and we were truly just living in it.

And the fashion! I mean, Stevie Nicks meets 21st century teenage witches! Come on! 

Freakshow: Dandy Mott, Maggie Esmerelda and Elsa Mars

-olive green satin skirt from morganogle on Depop, headscarf from tonijordan, platform sandals from elliefewt, PVC skirt from bethpin_, corset top from sadieflinter, beret from house_of_erotique, flame detail platform boots from mad_rags_vintage-

When people talk about the declining quality of AHS, they usually point to Freakshow as the beginning of the end, but I have to completely disagree. I wasn’t a fan the first time round but on rewatch it’s probably the most emotional season of them all; no, there aren’t as many “horrifying” moments as in other seasons and Elsa is probably Jessica’s worst performance (which is still an incredible one by anybody else’s standards), however it makes up for it with the most sympathetic bunch of characters yet, and on the flip side, also one of the most amusingly depraved with Finn Wittrock’s Dandy Mott. Fans usually argue that the season went downhill once *SPOILER* Twisty the Clown was killed off but for me, he really primarily served as the catalyst for the far more interesting devolution of Dandy, who, imo, is the show’s strongest villain to date, rivalled only by Bloody Face. Then there was the episode Orphans too which made me cry buckets, the sole AHS episode to do so. 

We got a lot of great fashion content in this season too: the theatrical opulence of Elsa Mars’ wardrobe, “Maggie”’s nomadic fortune teller costumes, and all those twee suits we saw Finn Wittrock in. Highly underrated if you ask me. It seems an odd choice for me to use Elsa’s Dominatrix look as an inspiration for one of my looks here when we have that Life on Mars performance outfit and all the extravagant robes Jessica got to waltz around in for reference buuuut I didn’t really have anything to do the vibrancy of either of those justice so I went with the black leather option which is much more me. Am I saying I moonlight as a dominatrix? Maybe. Lol, no. I wish. It’s not for lack of trying. WHERE ARE ALL THE GENUINE TWITTER PAYPIGS AT!? Your girl wants to insult creepy men and get some new clothes out of it xoxo

Hotel: Hypodermic Sally, Liz Taylor, and The Countess

-silk white bralet from xlibby_maix on Depop-

Hotel is another season that I liked a lottttt more upon rewatch, once I knew I was okay to tune out the (completely predictable and utterly nonsensical) Ten Commandments Killer storyline that so much of the season initially seems to hinge on. I love Chloë Sevigny but the fact that her and Wes Bentley’s wooden John and Alex Lowe are positioned as the protagonists at the expense of the far more interesting Liz Taylor, James March and Hypodermic Sally really does a disservice to what is an otherwise great season upon initial viewing.

The visuals this season are magnificent and I think if I had to pick one character’s wardrobe to steal from the entire cast of AHS characters, it would be The Countess (a toss up between her and Misty Day tbh, so I kinda just settle for low-key channelling both). No fucking idea where I'd wear any of her clothes to but I’d make it work. Liz Taylor and Hypodermic Sally have some amazing looks too-there’s just honestly so much to choose from; that being said, this post wouldn’t be complete without a specific ode to the vampire goddess Elizabeth Bathory, who is everything I want to be in life minus the murderous qualities:

Everything. EVER-Y-THING. LOOK AT HER!

Lady Gaga is really a fucking goddess isn’t she. And people were claiming before they’d even seen it that she couldn’t act? A patriarchal society doesn’t like women that can do it all. Just saying. 

Anyways!

That’s it for now! I hope you enjoyed the post if you did read til the end! Sorry I couldn’t get this out before Halloween, I was typing and Picmonkey-ing madly from 2 in the afternoon on the 31st but I taking fucking forever to get ready and had to abandon all hope of getting it out on the day by 4PM. I’ve got so much content planned and it sucks because a couple of them are lookbooks which now feel completely redundant given we’re heading into a second lockdown, but maybe I should just do it anyway? The grunge inspired moodboard I just did seemed to get a good reception too so I’ve got some more of them planned. 

As always, hope everyone is keeping well, and feel free to inbox me with any suggestions, queries or even just to say hi if you need someone to talk to! I check here quite a lot so I should see it. Lots of love to everyone in this time!

Lauren x