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schrijverr · 4 years

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Cute Cuts

A compilation of cute Destiel moments that have been cut out of previous videos.

Part of the Famous Husband Verse, which is also a series

On AO3.

Ships: Destiel

Warnings: None, but I’ll be happy to tag something for you, no questions asked. Just hit me up

~~~~~~~~~

Dean was sitting in the middle of the screen, he waved and said: “Hi Hunters, welcome back. Today is a bit of a different video. I mentioned this in my recent Q&A video and you all seemed to love the idea, so here is some stuff about my husband I’ve had to cut out of previous videos. This is either from the videos we did together or from videos before the reveal when I said too much. Anyway, that is enough babbling from me, I hope you all enjoy it!”

The intro rolled, it was a drawn impala that came down the road, it stopped in the middle of the screen and the drawn Dean gave a wink to the viewers, then he sped off again and the smoke was bridge back to the video.

The first clip was from the reveal video, Castiel was looking into the little screen on the side of the camera as he mussed with his hair and huffed. He turned to Dean and asked: “Do I look okay? I want to make a good first impression.”

Out of frame you could hear Dean, who said: “You look absolutely stunning, huggy-bear.”

Then he leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

The next clip was out a video about something stupid Dean had done in college. He was in the middle of a sentence when he was interrupted by a knock. He looked to the side and called out: “Yeah, come in.”

“You’ve been recording for two hours, so I brought you a donut and some coffee.” Cas said as he got into frame to hand over the snacks.

Deans face lit up and he made grabby hands to the goodies. It made Cas laugh as he gave him the donut and coffee. Dean immediately took a sip right in the middle of Cas warning him for the heat. He spat out the sip when he inevitably burned the roof of his mouth.

Cas laughed a bit at him and Dean looked up with a pout and said: “It’s kind of your fault, so you need to kiss it better.”

“Oh, is it now?” Cas replied with a raised brow, but he was already leaning in.

After that it cut to them sitting opposite to each other while Cas was concentrating on Deans eye make up. Dean softly said: “Cas?”

“Yes, Dean.” Cas replied absentmindedly not breaking his focus.

“You’re really cute when you’re concentrated.” Dean said, smiling as Cas spluttered and stopped what he was doing to hide his face in Deans chest.

Dean hugged him and kissed the top of his head, before releasing him to get back to what he was doing.

It cut to an older Q&A, where it was Sam and Dean driving in the Impala. Sam read from his phone: “I want to know something about your mysterious boyfriend, at least give us an eye color please.” he looked up, “A lot of people liked this one, seems like they’re really curious about him.”

Dean laughed: “Yeah, they always are.” he looked to where the camera was for a second, before turning his attention back to the road as he answered, “His eyes are this amazing sort of blue, you know. They’re piercing when he looks at you and it’s almost like they draw you in, fixating and you have to look. He’s really good at staring, so you’ll just get sucked into these beautiful pools of blue so bright they could rival the sky on a sunny summers day, but they’re also icy and cool if you manage to piss him off. In short they’re stunning and amazing.”

Next to him Sam rolled his eyes and commented: “That’s enough poetry about his eyes for today.”

Dean far off dreamy look disappeared of his face and was replaced by something sheepish as he said: “That was a bit much, maybe. Although it is all 100% true. I’ll probably cut this part.”

“That’s fair.” Sam replied, then he smirked and ribbed: “You really are whipped for him, dude.”

Dean blushed heavily and he said: “Shut up, like you’re any better about Jess, bitch.”

Sam pouted and shot back: “Whatever, jerk.”

Then it went to the next clip, which came out of the Q&A video. Dean was about to read something of his screen when Cas stopped him. Dean gave him a questioning look, but Cas just fixed his hair and murmured: “You ran your hand through it again.”

Dean nodded in understanding and smiled softly, before clearing his throat and pulling his attention back to the question.

The clip after that was out a solo video of Dean, he did his intro: “Hi Hunters, welcome back. Today-”

He cut himself off and turned back to the surface next to him where he sometimes put stuff he needed to show for a video. The space was now occupied by a photo frame. He picked it up and smiled down at the photo.

“Sorry, cut this out. I got this picture from the living room, so I can look at it. Cas will be back tomorrow from that school trip.” he explained, looking down once more.

After that it cut to a bit from the husband tag, it was the discussion which had gotten cut out. To refresh memories he had left in the first bit as well. It began with Cas whining: “How many times do I have to tell you that I am not a strange being.”

“When you can prove you’re not.” Deans shot back instantly.

Cas threw his hands up and said: “How can I prove I’m not immortal, without dying.”

Dean took a deep breath and said: “You could try and teleport or fly, if you are an angel you should be able to fly.”

“I am not an angel, Dean. I have told you this many times before.” Cas said.

Dean smiled and replied: “With a beautiful face like that you could’ve fooled me, darling.”

Cas blushed, but recovered quick enough, by saying: “Flirting won’t work as a distraction technique to avoid that you do not have any arguments.”

“I have arguments.” Dean exclaimed.

Cas gave him a look and Dean went on: “Like, History, you know too much about, like you were there when it happened.”

“I studied History, Dean.” Cas sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Dean squinted at him with suspicion and said: “I’m not convinced, babe.”

“Sure,” Castiel rolled his eyes, deciding it wasn’t worth it right now, “Shouldn’t we get back to the video now?”

Blinking confused Dean looked back to the camera with surprise, before smoothing over his features and getting back to the list of questions.

The next clip was from another story time video. It wasn’t long.

“So then me and Cas ran back like Hell, with this mad store owner on our asses.” Dean said, with a sparkle in his eyes, then he frowned and told the camera: “I said Cas again, didn’t I? Stupid, sorry, I meant Rick, my roommate. Let’s do that again.”

You could hear him pout: “Cas is much more fun.”

It cut to a clip from the husband tag, they were still prepping. Dean was fiddling with the camera and the focused wobbled a bit, but you could clearly see Cas sitting next to him. Once everything was clear, you could also see the love stricken look on his face.

Dean turned around and smiled as he asked: “What’s that face about?”

“Nothing, I just love you that’s all.” Cas shrugged.

The smile on Deans lips broadened as he replied: “Love you too, Cas.”, then he nodded to the camera and asked: “Are you ready?”

“Probably not, so let do it.” Cas answered.

The last clip was from when Dean had attempted to teach Charlie how to bake a pie to impress the ladies, which had been an experience to say the least. Nothing much was happening at the moment, they were just kneading the dough and at this point they had already captured some funny shots of that, so they weren’t really focused too much on the video itself.

In the distance you could hear a door open and close. Then a heavy thud followed by a long groan. Dean and Charlie shared a look, before Dean called out: “You okay over there?”

Cas’s voice flowed down the hall: “Yeah, just work.”

“What happened?” Dean yelled back, there was some shuffling after that and it was to be assumed that Cas had appeared in the doorway, which was just out of frame. When he saw the set up he quickly said: “Oh, you’re filming, I can come back later. Wouldn’t want to disturb.”

Dean looked at the camera and immediately said: “No, we have the stuff we need for now, we have time. Really. Come in. It’s your own damned house. I’ll cut it out, promise.”

“Don’t worry, just vent.” Charlie said from beside him.

Cas stepped into frame and gave her a short hug as he greeted her, before turning to Dean and nearly collapsing against him. Dean couldn’t really hug him, since his hands were dirty, but it seemed effective none the less.

Dean asked: “Wanna tell me what happened?”

“I had forgotten I put the deadline for three classes on the same day.” Castiel said, his voice muffled slightly, “Which means I have to grade 90 fucking papers all at least 3 pages long and I hate everything right now.”

Smiling softly Dean said: “That sounds like it sucks, angel.”

Cas looked up and complained: “It is.”

Charlie tried to comfort him: “Well at least we have comfort pie in a few hours.”

“Thank you, Charlie.” Cas said, then he sighed, “I think, I’m going to try and get started on the papers, good luck with your pies.”

“Same.” Charlie replied.

“Yeah, good luck.” Dean said, then he slapped Cas’s ass when he walked off.

Cas squeaked and frowned at the flour now staining his jean, leaving an obvious hand print. He quickly threw a bit of flour in Deans hair and dipped his hand in the flour making a hand print on Deans shoulder, before hurrying out of the kitchen.

A lot of fans remembered that, there had bee loads of theories that Charlie and Dean were secretly together with the jump cut and the sudden appearance of the hand print as proof.

Then it went to the end card. It was the same Dean from the beginning of the video and he said: “That was a lot of fun to put together, honestly. I hope you all liked it, if you did hit the like button and subscribe and hit that bell. Bye Hunters, see you on the road!”

Then the video ended.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

God, Sam, didn’t lie about the

poetry

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

the casual i love yous make my

queer little heart hopeful bitches

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

OMG teachers hate their own

deadlines #karma

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

HE HAD A PICTURE WHILE CAS WAS GONE!!! I CAN’T!!!

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I need a dentist now, damn

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So far we got:

sunshine

angel

darling

huggy-bear

babe

Just how far does this mans

nickname vocab go??? Where

does it end???

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

He really tried to use the History

knowledge as an argument when

Cas studied History, like he’s

lucky he’s pretty, you know.

We stan a dumb bitch

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

#RR writing #dean winchester #castiel/dean #dean x castiel #sam and dean #Sam Winchester #castiel #destiel youtuber au #youtuber dean #TEACHER CAS #supernatural #SPN #spn fanfic #charlie bradbury

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charlies-crashcourses · 5 years

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Charlie’s College Crash Course #1: How to write a 10-page paper in 1 day

Background info first: I’m in the last year of my English undergrad degree and I’ve had to write at least 3 dozen 10+ page papers in that time. That being said, I’ve never once started writing a paper more than a few days in advance, and 9 times out of 10 I go for one day only. Honestly, this should be considered my trademark at this point because after all my high school AP courses and my English degree, it’s been going on 7 years of 1 day papers.

and so, dear friends, I would like to pass on this skill to you all. I should mention, none of this will work if you’re not already pretty solid on paper writing, i.e. if you only ever get C’s on your papers now this isn’t magically going to get you up to an A with one day. This is just to streamline the process, allowing for more time for other things or, more commonly, allowing you to not freak the fuck out when you realize the deadline is tonight at midnight and you’ve procrastinated all month on the final paper for your class.

(I should also mention that I’m currently procrastinating a 2.5k word paper due tomorrow night that I’ve only read one of two books for, so. There’s that.)

Anyway, without further ado, here we fucking go:

Step 1: Prep for the Day

this is going to be a marathon, not a sprint, so make sure you prep the day accordingly. Ideally, you’d wake up before noon, make sure there’s nothing else planned for the day, and tell your roommates/parents to leave you alone until you officially reemerge at midnight (or, if you’re in college and have a 24 hr library, try going there. Mine has closed off study rooms that I can chill in, but if you’rs doesn’t just find a relatively comfy quiet spot). If you’re at home, pick one spot, clear it off super quick, grab some snacks and energy drinks, make sure you have everything charged and ready to go. I don’t recommend cafes or the like simply because there’s lots of distractions and also those places close before midnight, so you can’t stay there the entire time and therefor waste time moving halfway through.

Also, I would recommend taking a break between all the steps after this one. Don’t let the break take too long, but just long enough to walk the block, or grab another snack, or do some stretches, or watch a ten minute video, something like that. I personally never break at a natural stopping point, because then I’ll never get back to it, but how you break is up to you.

Step 2: Preliminary Research

now normally I do some preliminary research beforehand. Basically looking into the topic, figuring out generally what resources would be best, etc. That can usually be done in five to ten minute bursts throughout the week or so before the due date, whenever the topic comes to mind.

But then again, I’ve also procrastinated that until the very end as well, so. Usually all that takes if you go for the day of is some quick google scholar searches, or if you have access to the MLA database that works as well. Or, if you’re more like me, you could just deep dive on wikipedia and check out what relevant facts pertain to what numbers in the bibliography, then go ahead and cite those wherever possible.

Basically, get a good base knowledge of the big facts. This step should be quick and dirty. For instance, for my paper my sophomore year on Robespierre (14 pages written in a record 6 hours) I combed through his wiki, some websites on the French Revolution, and watched the Crash Course youtbue video on the subject. The rest of the research was done after I did my first outline.

Step 3: Outline #1

This is just a basic “What the fuck am I talking about” outline. It can be bullet points, numbers, stream of consciousness, i don’t care as long as it works for you.

For the Robespierre paper, my first outline was something to the effect of: -born poor -school -elected to govt -took over govt -killed people -got killed

and that was it. It’s like, before you build a house you have to clear off the right amount of land, make sure there’s nothing in your way, and give yourself a vague area in which to build. Super simple stuff.

I did get some advice, from somewhere I can’t remember, that a paragraph is basically equal to half a page, and so (excluding one page length for your intro + conclusion) you should have around two paragraphs or ideas per page. So my outline above would need some more points, there, to keep me on track for my page count. I eventually added a whole paragraph about how he was chosen to read for a visiting King Louis at his school and was then ignored which made him hate the monarchy, and another about what happened after he died what with the government in shambles, etc etc. So two bullet points per page should do it.

Step 4: More Research

This is where you get a little more in depth. Look at your bullet points and learn everything you need to about them.

For my first bullet, I found stuff like: “Robespierre was born in France in 1758 as Maximilien François Marie Isidore de Robespierre (the third of this name), to a lawyer and the daughter of a brewer, he had two siblings, and he could read by age eight. he also loved pigeons and started a lifelong feud with his sister over one that he gave her that she let die."

and then I would move on to the next bullet point, and so on and so forth, filling in the gaps. Make sure to keep track of where your info comes from, as well. It doesn’t have to be a full citation, but just the hyperlink after the fact is going to save you so much time, i promise

Pro Tip: don’t throw out anything as irrelevant just yet. Just gather all the facts, no judging. Trust me on this.

Step 5: Better Outline

this is where you start to have fun with it. I would like to remind you that no one, unless you have some crazy micromanaging professor, sees your outlines. This is for you and you only, so write it in whatever way makes sense to you. It can be colorful and fun and whatever you need it to be.

I actually took screenshots of my outline for that robespierre paper (hence why i chose that one as an example) so here’s a look at what I do:

so, really, honestly, as shitty as you need this to be, or as many jokes, or whatever works for you my dude. Explain it like you would if it were a story you were telling, not a biographical/argumentative paper. Get informal with it.

Step 6: Write the Damn Thing

Okay to now that you did the research and wrote your fun outlines and all that, all you have to do now is write it! I tend to do this in the same doc as I do my outline, but starting again from the top so I can see what I need to add next right under where I’m typing, then delete it once I’ve covered the material.

If you did your outline well, this is really just cleaning that up so it’s “school appropriate” and “not an affront to people’s eyes and sensibilities” or whatever. At this point, it should go super quick, maybe 2 hours max to finish up writing what you need to write, here.

Pro Tip: do your citations as you go. Better yet, make your bibliography first so that A its already done and B you know what your in text cites will be from the start so that you don’t have to add them in later. If you kept your hyperlinks next to your research, just open up citationmachine and get those cites, then replace the links in your outline with the actual citations so it’s easier to line them up with in text cites while you go

Step 7: Fudging

oh, you thought we were done after writing the paper? nah fam. Chances are, you didn’t hit the page count you wanted to, you’re probably around 1 full page short, unless you love long sentences. This is where my pro tip from all the way back on step 4 comes in.

First, before you do anything drastic, make sure your formatting is correct. If your prof wants the big long “name, date, class, assignment, etc” in the top left then that adds a lot of length. Fonts will also change your page length, and so will footnotes and citations.

If you did it right and saved all the less relevant details, congratulations! Just sprinkle a few of those in there and you’re magically at your page count. This is the only reason I included the pigeon story in my paper (and this post), because I was about 3/4 of a page short of passably saying I got to 14.

If you didn’t save those inane details, don’t go looking for them now. Trust me, it’s much more pain than it’s worth. Your best bet, then, would be to either A. Add one more point if you can think one up, B. do some more research for relevant details to add in, or C. expand on the details you already have with more examples or effects or whatever applies.

do not, i repeat do NOT, just try and expand the words you use, like changing “to” into “in order to” or whatever those deflate your phrases charts tell you Not to do. They tell you not to for a reason. 1. it sounds stupid adding them in after the fact, and 2. your professor absolutely 100% will know and will mark you down if you do that in excess. Inflated phrase charts like that are well known by professors, and also adding them in after the fact won’t fit in at all with the voice that the rest of your paper was written in, so it’ll stand out like a sore thumb. just don’t do it unless it’s your last possible “i have ten minutes to turn this in” effort.

Step 8: Celebrate!!

And that’s it! If you did it right, this whole process should have taken you around the equivalent of 1 hour per page you had to write or so, so in a regular twelve hour day you’ve got time to take breaks and eat and all that shit. Go turn it in and celebrate your victory!

#study tips #adhd studying #paper writing #don't procrastinate kids #crash course #charlie's college crash course

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historyy · 5 years

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The Oxbridge Applications Masterlist✨✨✨

I’ve had a ton of people both online and irl ask me for this, so here it is. I’m sorry its a month or so later than I initially promised but I’ve been pretty busy. This is basically a breakdown of the application process, some advice, and my experiences as an applicant for History and Politics to Oxford in 2018-19; because of that its pretty Oxford / humanities specific. I was lucky enough to have some great resources available at school but applying for Oxford was still daunting, so I wanted to demystify it and give some advice. Hopefully you find it helpful!

Personal Statement

How you write it:

My main advice with the PS is to get started early, because Oxbridge is early entry so you’ll have months less time than your friends. Do a first draft of your personal statement in summer Y12. Mine was pretty much done by September and it made that early deadline much easier to reach.

Keeping a list of everything relevant you’re doing will be useful when you come to write the PS, as well as for developing your ideas for interview. My list was split into Books, Academic Papers, Extracts, Documentaries, Podcasts, Lectures / Online Lectures, Other Publications, Courses, Newspapers, and Extracurriculars. I also had a list of my particular interests related to my subject.

It will need lots of editing, but thats what teachers, friends, and former applicants are for! I edited so many personal statements for people in my year, because they knew I was a writer and thus good at cutting words and finding shorter ways to express.

With your first draft, write big. Go way over the character count and put everything you want to in it, then cut. A few tips for cutting:

Don’t waffle on about irrelevant anecdotes

‘Such as’ ‘like’ ‘indeed’ ‘including’ are useful but overused

Rearranging sentence structure can cut lots of characters and make your syntax snappier. E.g I interviewed a civil servant which showed me… versus Interviewing a civil servant showed me…

Semicolons will save your life.

It will hurt, but kill your Oxford commas

You don’t need to give each author / source a bio, assume the reader knows their stuff, and you don’t need to use full names / titles

What you write in it:

With the PS, a catchy opening is vital; you need to show why you’re interested in your subject and why you’re the right choice. Mine was:

The 2015 Leaders’ Debate sparked my interest in politics and the language surrounding it, when I realised I was focussed both on what the debaters were saying and how they were saying it.

The best advice I got is to treat your PS like you’re narrating your journey with your subject. Start with why you got into your subject, show what you did following on from that sparked interest, then how you built on that action, and so forth. You might want to map this out before you start writing. An example might look like this (this isn’t mine, but assume its for HistPol):

Saw an exhibition on Renaissance artists - interested in social and political context of the art - researched Italian city states focussing in on famed patrons of the arts who were politically eminent - read Machiavelli’s The Prince as is based on Cesare Borgia - interested in other theories of rule and governed/govt relations - read Locke and Hobbes to compare later theories and the development of these ideas - entered an essay competition about the development of the state citing Locke’s ideas on the social contract

Then you build on this journey, talking about your reading and research. Cite specific papers / books / articles you’ve read, and engage with them. Did you agree with everything they said? Or not? How do they link to other things you’ve read? For example, I wrote:

D’Ancona’s ‘Post-Truth’ with its discussion of disinformation and the collapse in trust also influenced me, though I disagreed with his assertion that the post-truth era only began five years ago (Orwell springs to mind).

Don’t just name drop books etc, actually engage with them, or you might as well not have read them.

In terms of what to include, Oxbridge don’t give a damn if you do Grade 5 piano or were the lead on your ballet show; you should focus your PS on the subject you’re applying for. When I mentioned extracurriculars it was in relation to the subject; I was editor of the school magazine, and I interviewed a senior civil servant on Brexit’s impact for it, increasing my understanding of current affairs and I gave a presentation on sexuality in the Weimar Republic at our LGBT society, exploring oft forgotten facets of history.

I would suggest that only 10% of your PS should be about extracurriculars, and even those should be related to your subject, or linked to transferable skills.

You should end your PS with a brief concluding statement or paragraph which summarises why you want to study your subject.

Aptitude Tests

I did the HAT so this is skewed towards that, but other tests are similar.

The aptitude tests are stressful but formulaic, so once you’ve worked out the formula and done as many practices as you can, you should be fine. You don’t need to get a high mark, only pass the benchmark to secure an interview, so it won’t be perfect. No one gets full marks; I think the benchmark for the HAT was 60% last year.

My main advice on the tests is to go to all the sessions on them with your teachers that you can, and if your teachers don’t offer sessions ask them to hold some, or find a former applicant. Do lots of practices, starting not in timed conditions and work up doing them in time. Talk through your completed papers in detail with your teachers. If there are other applicants doing the same test, talk with them — orally write the essay together and bounce ideas off one another.

Learn how to pull together an argument in a way which will grab the reader’s attention and show that you’re interested and engaged, and that you think outside the box and are different to the other candidates. For example in our HAT, the source was on a 16C woman’s relations with her servants, and I talked about her household as a microcosm of a class stratified and hierarchical society with moral expectations of servitude.

Basically, its an exam paper, treat it as such!

Interview

The interview is, on the whole, more important than the PS. If you’re lucky enough to get one it means you’ve already done better than most people. I found the experience to be a mix of absolutely terrifying and weirdly enjoyable.

I had two interviews, one for History and one for Politics, but you can be called to interview at other colleges. I know someone who had six…

The interview is basically like a tutorial will be if you get in, and there are different types (this is a bit humanities specific, sorry). You can get asked about your PS and reference, though this is rare. Extract interviews are common, for my Politics I was given an extract about citizenship. You can also get asked about your submitted work, as I was for History.

In terms of prep, make sure you’re familiar with your submitted work and PS, as well as all the stuff you say you’ve done in your PS and your reference. You can get asked about any of it. Bring copies of these and your reading notes with you to interview so you’re familiar with them. Also look into some other key concepts of your subject, for example I looked at a lot of historiography, and in the interview talked about the concept of history as teleology and how I disagree with it. I think I was actually asked if I agreed with the Idea of Progress, having read on that a lot I felt equipped to answer it.

Do as many practice interviews as you can. I got lucky as we had teachers who could do these, and I also did one at my sister’s school. However even if you don’t have that access, ask a friend, parent, teacher, a previous applicant, or even someone online. Even just talking about your subject helps. On the flip side of all this, don’t do so much prep your answers are stale and formulaic, you need to show you’re thinking on your feet.

Both my interviews were only 20-25 minutes. My Politics interview was really chill, I had an hour reading time before in which I made notes on an extract and basically wrote a script for myself. The questions I was asked were actually given to me in this time so I had lots of material to work with. The man was really nice as well, and I enjoyed the experience. In contrast my History one was a disaster and I felt like I was being interrogated by the two women the whole time, though they were nice.

Don’t be scared if you screw up, in my History interview on my Tudors essay on Tudor parliamentary changes (which I’d been studying only 2 months), my interviewer was an expert on Tudor parliament, writing a book on the subject. This one question about groups of people represented strongly in parliament really threw me, and I went through three answers before I found the right one (lawyers). At another question I blanked for thirty seconds before speaking. I came out in tears and was certain I’d failed, but clearly I did okay…

General advice

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Go chat to that scary teacher who told you your essay was too journalistic and not historical enough and just because you want to be a journalist you can’t write like one in academia (personal experience? me?). Ask them for advice and just talk to them about the subject!

Leading on to: JUST TALK ABOUT THE SUBJECT. Talking nonstop about History and Politics helped me know my interests inside out and it gave me a way to develop my speaking skills as well as my love for my subject.

Also, read. JSTOR is your bff for academic articles and Niche Stuff here, but you can find plenty of good books at libraries and shops. The A Very Short Introduction series is amazing for this, as they’re all really short and written by Oxbridge academics, I read tons of them. You can even just dip into longer books or collections of articles.

Keep asking yourself And so? — take your ideas further. This was my History teacher’s advice for essays, but it works for PS, tests, interviews, and general critical thinking.

For example in the HAT (I’m making up this example, it might have asked you what you could learn about social norms of a time from a source): You could say: The woman bosses her servants around but is subordinate to her husband so we can learn about gender and social roles. Or you could say: The woman commands her servants, yet remains servile to her husband, indicating the prevalence of hierarchical gender and class relations in the society of the time; her role as wife is clearly interlinked with her position as ‘head of the household’, which she is unpaid for. Viewing this through the lens of feminist theory, one can infer that an unequal sexual division of labour exists in this society, and women’s contributions to society are not appreciated, as when the husband ‘dismisses’ his wife. While her command of the servants shows she is elevated by her ‘great wealth’, her subordination to her husband suggests that a woman in this society was unable to further her position as easily as a man could.

Don’t fret about choosing a college on the form, 1/3 of people (including me) get pooled.

And finally, don’t set your heart on Oxbridge. They’re by no means the only good universities out there, and they’re not for everyone. If you’re not enjoying the research for the PS, or are finding the aptitude tests unbearable and the interview style uncomfortable, it might not be for you. But if you do decide to apply, good luck!✨

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thisnerdsadventures · 4 years

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end of zoom week 1

This week was weird - some days, I felt like I was flying, productivity hitting 150% like I was back on Stud 5 with an extra flurry of energy at 11pm after a bag of chips and a coffee from Verdes. This was me Tuesday morning, Monday afternoon, and a bit yesterday night. But there were also some days where I felt like I was just a little bit below the surface of the water, staring at the world above me and watching it pass by, but not being able to breathe it in. Sometimes I could even feel myself slipping, sliding down a slope into the dark water, unable to stop the descent.

I wake up some mornings, like today, where for a few fleeting seconds, I look up at the wall next to my bed and I see the photos that I brought back home from campus that I taped up, and I am flooded with memories of the school year. But I turn my head to the other side of my room, and instead of seeing my dorm room setup, the posters of my college events pasted up on the wall, I see my high school awards, childhood photos, and a small pennant from Yale tacked up on the wall. The last few weeks come back to me, and I feel a sinking pit widening in my stomach.

Nowadays, it takes me nearly an hour to get out of bed - I’ll alternate between mindlessly scrolling through notifications I missed on the East coast morning and trying to go back to sleep. The worst mornings are when I’m in a dream, and I’m with one or two of my friends on-campus or elsewhere, and for a few dream minutes, nothing is wrong, but when my eyes open and see the white walls of my high school bedroom, I’m lying on my back, chasing the fragments of reality I wish still existed. At school, it would take me a max of 30 minutes to get up out of bed after my alarm went off, but it’s become so so hard to now. I think about what usually gets me out of bed, and I realize it’s my friends, the thought of seeing them in the Infinite, getting lunch with my friends after our security class together, having the longest conversations on Stud 5 about anything and everything. Without that, it’s becoming harder to find a reason to start my day.

In terms of classes, my classes have varied in how much they’ve helped us accommodate, from being extremely understanding and flexible, to just about the same or what I would expect, to almost getting worse with stacked deadlines and mandatory attendance. I only have two classes I have to show up for now, intelligent mutlimodal user interfaces and negotiation. My UI class is at 8am now in pacific time, so I’m really doubting my ability to function anymore. It took us fifteen minutes to figure out how to pipe video sound into the Zoom meeting, and we started class at 8am sharp, not 8:05am, as we would’ve done on-campus. All this, this early in the morning - it’s a very quick way to find me in a very bad mood.

Negotiation, on the other hand, was quite interesting - half of us couldn’t figure out how to raise our virtual hands in Zoom and the class felt really different over Zoom than in person. But they’re doing the best they can, and I appreciate that. We have our first virtual exercise on Monday and I’m once again avoiding looking at my confidentials because the last time this happened, I camped out in the stud for like 10 hours over the course of 24 hours prepping. It turned out great that time, but I honestly don’t know where I’m going to come up with the motivation to do the same now.

I had a plan to read a paper and prep for my UROP meeting later today at 2pm. But I woke up with that sinking feeling in my heart, and I’m tired of looking at my screen, I feel the eye strain headache coming on, and I have no idea what I’m going to do today. My mom just came into my room and asked me what I was up to - she’s wondering if I want to help her make bread. I said I was reading papers, but have I read a single word today? No. Maybe I need a stricter schedule. I know I can’t work on a single thing for more than three hours at a time, so maybe I should stop lying to myself.

I felt the same way this past Tuesday - after around 3pm I gave up being productive and scrolled through every social media platform I had on my phone for nearly 2 hours, and then I felt an urge to play music. So I wandered over to my guitar and my piano and found an old trove of songs I wrote in high school. I tore it apart, flipping through pages and post-its, throwing stuff I didn’t like on the ground, like I was searching for something.

What was I looking for?

I would play through a song, mumbling the words I scrawled down, for 10 or 15 seconds and then move on to the next. The pages on the floor were creating a pile, and it grew larger and larger. I found myself stepping on papers, trying to find the one that I threw down... four songs ago? Maybe five.

I guess I was looking for a song with the words and the chords that would help lift the weight that was keeping me down, stuck underwater.

I don’t think I found one.

Maybe then I’ll help my mom make bread. These papers are not going to get read before my meeting. Maybe that’s ok.

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sevenfactorial · 6 years

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Our math club (which is for undergrads) was really pushing advice for applying to grad school recently and I attended the GROW conference a couple weeks ago so I figured I’d start typing up some of the advice I found most notable. Some is very common advice, some seem to be less so. Either way, I didn’t know almost any of this stuff like, a year ago.

1) In the words of our postdoc, to figure out what schools you want to apply to, talk to several professors for recommendations, take the union of those lists, then whittle down from there.

2) Definitely try on your GREs (general and math subject if you’re aiming for grad school for math) but they’re not all important. Ignore any pre-med friends freaking out about the MCAT. You probably don’t need to study much for the general but you will need to study for the subject test. Go ahead and take them both during your junior year if possible so that you have time to retake if you want to and so you’re done with it (the deadline to sign up for the Oct subject test is after the Sep one, though before scores are out).

3) Recommendation letters are generally considered the most important thing. Try to get people who know you beyond just class. Also a letter from someone at a different institution (cough REU mentors) are extra great.

4) Do not, under any circumstance, write “I loved math since I was a child” or anything of the like in your personal statement.

5) The AMS keeps a database of stats about a lot of grad programs including number of faculty, number of female professors, number of grad students, and many other things. It is pretty easy to find with a google search.

6) Do not pay for a phD program. In return for TA duties, you should get a tuition waiver and a living stipend. Whether that stipend is enough to live on in the area varies. It’s best to ask a current student about it before accepting anywhere. Also, if you’re already into math as an undergrad, you should probably be applying directly into phD programs, not masters.

7) VISIT THE SCHOOL BEFORE ACCEPTING. If you get in, they should be willing to fly you over and let you talk to faculty and students and stuff. Even if the acceptance deadline is looming, drop everything and go. Just like, no matter what. Get a feel for the department culture and check out the current grad students. Do they seem happy? You’re gonna be there for a long time.

8) Even if you like teaching and intend to teach afterwards, apply to outside fellowships if you can (things that will fund you so you can not do a TA-ship for a while). You can apply for the NSF as an undergrad senior and then once during your first two years of grad school.

9) Do consider the structure of the program (what sort of classes do first and second years take, what are the policies around prelims/qualifying exams/whatever they’re called) when picking schools.

10) Less about grad school apps and more about the time leading up to them: definitely try to get into an REU but they’re also super competitive and kinda random about accepting people so don’t feel too dejected if you don’t get into any. Also see if you can do research at your home institution or even like, independent studies.

These are tips focused on applying and I am a third year so I haven’t really started extensive prep (I’ve taken the general GRE and talked casually to people about schools but that’s really it) but my department does a lot of outreach stuff like this so I’m hoping I can help anyone who isn’t so lucky. Plus now I have a reference sheet for myself later. I’ll reblog and add more if I think of it/get told more things. Other people feel free to do the same.

As usual, feel free to message me about math, college, or anything else.

#grad school #grad school tips #applying for grad school #math grad school

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biopsychs · 7 years

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What I Learned From University (1st Year)

FIRST YEAR

Everyone is super friendly, especially in the first few weeks → Introduce yourself to the people sitting near you for the first few weeks of lectures. Everyone is looking for a friend or at least someone to talk to!!

If you commute, make that time productive → My bus ride was an hour there and back each day. It sucks but I would try to be productive for at least half of the commute. I have a post about being productive on public transport here.

On that note, stay on campus as long as possible each day → As soon as I got back home I would procrastinate every little thing. Stay in an already productive environment for as long as possible.

Maybe don’t buy your textbooks used → I thought I was being smart by buying used textbooks (most schools will have a buy and sell facebook page for textbooks). I ended up having to pay for access codes in order to do my online homework – access codes that cost ~$70 separately and came included with new textbooks anyways. Email your prof or talk to someone who has recently taken the class to find out if you need an access code. If you do, your best bet is to buy a new version of the textbook (unless you can get a seriously cheap used textbook).

Print off your timetable and find all of your classes before the first day → This helped me so much! I found exactly where all my classes were before the first day of class. I wrote down little tricks to help me remember where everything was (i.e. my calc lecture is in the arts and science building which is also where the only subway on campus is).

Don’t knock living at home to save money → If you’re lucky enough to have a college or university close to home at least consider living at home. Getting your own place or living in dorms is expensive. (But if you have to find off campus housing on your own, don’t leave it too late or you might not find a place)

Figure out the best way to take notes for each class → You have to customize the way you study for each class, all depending on the prof and the content. I hand-wrote notes for some classes (chem, calc, and physics), but not others (psych and bio). If you’re writing by hand you can always just annotate your textbook notes or lecture slides (if they’re posted before class). If you fall behind while taking notes, just leave a gap and check out a friend’s notes after class.

Adjust your expectations → Don’t expect to get straight A’s, like you might have in high school. You can strive for straight A’s but be realistic as time goes on. For classes I struggled with, I expected to be near the class average. If I was a lot lower than the class average then I would know to invest more time.

Make time for physical activity → If we’re being honest I hardly exercised during uni. Go for at least a half hour walk each day and try to start a physical activity routine. Get a friend and join a sports team, go to a fitness class, or commit to some form of a daily workout with them! You’ll feel bad bailing on someone else, plus working out is more fun with other people.

Review content throughout the semester → Reviewing little bits of content will save you a massive content review right before finals! Look through old notes while you wait for your daily coffee or take 15 minutes to watch some khan academy videos on stuff you learned in the first month of classes.

Think seriously about how much you can handle → Don’t take on too many responsibilities at once and consider all of your options! I worked weekends and some week nights throughout the school year. Looking back I should have worked less because my stress levels were way too high. Also, quite a few people I talked to took 4 classes instead of 5, for their first semester of university. I don’t think I would have done it, in the end, but it’s always something to consider.

Have fun but be responsible at parties → Always go to parties with people you trust!! If you didn’t do much partying/drinking during high school (like me), remember to pace yourself when drinking! Eat before you go out and have some water between each drink, till you find your limit. Don’t let yourself be peer-pressured into anything but also don’t be afraid to have fun! And check out if your uni has a safe walk program (someone will come and walk you back to your dorm or your car if you feel unsafe or nervous for any reason)

When procrastination hits, aim to be productive in some way → The only reason my biology mark was so high was because I would study biology whenever I got sick of studying for physics and calculus. If you know you need to study but just can’t do it, start by being productive in some other way – study a subject you do like, do your laundry, organize your study area, etc. Get your brain to start thinking productively.

Labs are difficult so be prepared → I had so many labs first year. Some tips: eat and hydrate before labs, never assume you can finish your prelab last minute, be nice to your lab partner, always remember lab safety (don’t be the person trying to wear shorts in the lab, TAs will not hesitate to kick you out), don’t rush through an experiment but be efficient, and ask for help (even if you feel like you’re bothering your TA).

Please go to bed early. Sleep affects everything → I was so dumb and would never go to bed early even though I had to be up at 6 am almost every day to catch the bus. Lack of sleep will catch up to you eventually!! Also, all nighters are not necessary, unless you make them necessary. I prioritized and never had to stay awake too late. And never pull an all nighter the night before an exam (you’re better off getting sleep and resting your brain).

Bring a water bottle everywhere → Buy a decent water bottle and always carry it with you. Even though my uni is small there are still tons of spots around campus where I can refill my water bottle!! Stay hydrated my friends!

A practice problem a day keeps the F away → This saying probably works best for science classes, but I guess a reading a day will get you somewhere too. Do something for every class each day, even if it’s just a practice problem or a quick reading. Develop a routine!

You’ll have lots of midterms → I was under the impression that midterms happened just once a semester (I thought I would have one week where I had a midterm for each class). That was not my reality. I had 2 or 3 midterms for each of my classes scattered throughout the semester. Study really hard for your first set of midterms till you get used to the high expectations!

Don’t worry about what other people are doing or thinking → This is mostly in regards to social media. I was bummed when I looked back on my first year of university, because I felt like I hadn’t done anything fun compared to other people. You only see the image that other people want you to see. You don’t know how hard someone worked or how hard they didn’t work. Just focus on you and how you can affect positive results in your life.

Other people literally don’t care about your appearance → My friend’s little sister visited campus and asked us “Why is everyone wearing sweatpants?” People literally don’t care. Dress nice and put lots of makeup on one day, because you feel like it, and wear sweats the next day.

Start essays and reports as soon as possible → You never know what might come up so be prepared for the worst! Outline your essay or graph your data as soon as you can.

Eat healthy and do meal prep → You can eat healthy during university! Set aside a couple of nights each week to do meal prep. Cook food in bulk to save money and don’t eat out too much. Try to have at least 1 serving of fruits or veggies with each meal or snack you eat!

Find a good study spot on campus → Explore your campus and figure out your favourite places to study. I had a couple of spots where I would always meet my friends to study and quiet spots where no one would bother me. Studying outside or in an area with natural light is always good.

Don’t be afraid to talk to your profs and TAs → This is the number one thing I’m going to try to do more of in my second year. TAs are chill to talk to and they can tell you tons of useful information on what upper year classes are like, which professors are good, why they chose to go to grad school, etc. If you’re struggling in lectures or labs, talk to your prof or TA! Make an appointment and be sure you can tell them exactly which concepts you’re struggling with or at least where you got lost. One of my profs told us he just waits hopefully during office hours for someone to come in. (Also profs love it if you ask them about their research or any topics they seem passionate about during lectures.)

Explore all the resources your university has to offer → My university has a program that is basically people bringing their dogs around for students to pet, in order to relieve stress. It actually works and gave me something to look forward to! Just be aware of your options so that if something in your life changes you know where you can go to ask for help.

Get a planner and utilize it → There’s no excuse not to have a planner of some sort. Use your phone, get a bullet journal, or buy a cheap planner. Have somewhere where you can record important deadlines and make to do lists. I also recommend back planning all of your studying at the beginning of the semester. Write down your midterms and finals dates and write down how much you’re going to study each day leading up to the exam. This way you’ll be able to look ahead at each month and figure out what needs to be done (i.e. getting an essay done early because the due date falls during a busy week of midterms)

This post ended up being a lot longer than I expected whoops. Take the things I said into consideration but remember that everyone’s experience will be different. Good luck to everyone heading to university!

My Other Posts:

AP lit tips

high school biology

organization tips

physics doesn’t have to suck: how to enjoy and do well in your required physics classes

recommended reads

reminders for myself

using your time wisely on public transport

what i learned from high school

#i hope this helps anyone entering university or college!!!#it will be stressful but you can do it!#studyblr #etudiance #academla #studybuzz #studyplants #elkstudies #heystudiyng #focusign #areistotle #idkstudyblr #intellectus #natlookhere #mine

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kenzicorinne · 6 years

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Hi! I’m Kenzi Corinne

And I have a lot of art and stories I want to share with you!

That's a big reason why I want to start making weekly journals. Starting today, I’ll be posting a weekly recap of everything I’m working on and plan to work on. This includes the status of my web comic Folk Knight, my visual novel MuseStruck, and all the work I’m doing for upcoming conventions (I hope to see some of you there!)

After this week, the blog entries will be a lot more digestible. But I feel, for this first one, I just need to lay everything out.

So, before the break, I just want to say my asks are open! Feel free to shoot me a question/comment about anything. (Fav ice cream, Hogwarts house, w/e!)

Later!

-Kenzi

Kenzi Blog: Week of 4/2/18

Oh, hey! I’m surprised you clicked “Keep reading.” I mean, I’m glad you did! Makes me feel less like I’m just shouting this to the void... heh ^_^;

Conventions:

Anyway, let’s just dive right in with the most time sensitive item I’ve been working on, convention prep. I’ve got three cons coming up in the next two months *sweats profusely* . This may not sound like a lot for you (or maybe it sounds like an insane “con crud” induced death wish haha) but I am equal parts super excited and super nervous about this! Upcoming cons are:

RavenCon, April 20-22 Williamsburg, VA

Tidewater Comicon, May 11-12 Virginia Beach

Animazement, May 25-27 Raleigh, NC

So I do my printing on my own printer. To save money this time, I’ve decided to try out a Refillable Ink Cartridge system. Which involves...... lots of syringes I guess? Haha, I think I accidentally ordered too many or something so now I just have an abundance of large needle syringes 0_0 (also note they’re a special kind for ink. not the pokey skin kind :P). Syringe Wolverine cosplay?

Anyway, if any of you have tried out RIC or CISS in the past, I’d love to know how it did or didn’t work for you!

MuseStruck:

Okay, so before I talk about my current project, Folk Knight, I think I need to talk about MuseStruck (my other baby). So a couple years ago I suddenly got the urge to make a Visual Novel (gee, wonder where I got that idea... *side glances at Steam catalog* >_>). This VN had inspiration pulled from a lot of my favorite things including fantasy, mythology, classic literature, art, and anime.

Then a year ago, @cornpickerart and I started working on it... and quickly saw the project balloon to a size we weren’t ready for. We thought about cutting back ideas, some trimming was to the story’s benefit really. But then there were aspects that we couldn’t let go. Things that I felt were integral to the story or game experience that we wanted to make.

So. Here’s the thing. We just realized we needed to try smaller things first and work up to the type of gameplay we want to have in MuseStruck. Baby steps. That being said. MuseStruck isn’t dead. Far from it.

I draw characters from MuseStruck still all the time. Though I’ve told myself to not dedicate so much time to writing stories for it and instead put that time and energy into bettering my skills in both art and programming. Now I can say that when I do get back to MuseStruck (which I do have a plan for when that will happen, but I’ll save that for another journal) I know I’ll be more confident and prepared to tackle it! \(^o^)/

(some sketches of MuseStruck characters that I’ve never posted... I have lots of files like this ^_^;)

Folk Knight:

And finally there is Folk Knight. If you made it this far then... wow. I think I might love you. Anyway, this is my current project that I am working on. I would say probably my time is split 50/50 with this and con stuff right now.

Originally I wanted it to be a web comic. Why a web comic? Well... it’s something I’ve done before. @cornpickerart and I ran a web comic back in high school that we stopped once we went of to different states and different colleges.

I wanted to tell a story that takes place in the MuseStruck universe but with a lot less overhead work and a shorter story altogether. So, Folk Knight was born! Well, so it was supposed be but then I realized something... I don’t want to do a web comic. Le gasp!!!

I actually read a ton of webcomics and enjoy the weekly experience and appreciate all the hard work that goes into keeping them up. Seriously! It’s tough stuff! But after a few updates I realized that making the comic was taking a lot of time... and I wasn’t feeling it. Gosh that sounds whiny doesn’t it? I guess what I’m trying to say is, I figured out if I was going to put that much work into something, I want it to be something I want to do. And what I want to do is make a stinkin’ Visual Novel danggummit!

So that’s what brings us to the Folk Knight of now... a serial Visual Novel!

So it’s kinda a combination of both. Baby steps remember? To keep the game making doable for me, I’ll be releasing the Folk Knight VN in chapters. Every chapter will be released free to play, just like the web comic would have been free to read.

I’ve already begun the conversion of my Chapter 1 script into the Visual Novel format and am working with a few beta readers/players to help me work out the story flow and gameplay.

I’m hoping to get a Chapter 1 demo done by the end of April and Chapter 1 completed and released officially by May! I know it’s a tight deadline but I’m seriously pouring all my blood, sweat, and time into this now!

Next Week:

Ooooookay! We finally come to the end of it! What I plan to do this coming week. Well, let’s see... maybe I should just list it? I hope to...

Post some Folk Knight character designs (get y’all introduced)

Finish two fantasy/horror paintings I’ve been working on

I have a backlog of BNHA fan art I should finish too...

Test out the new print system!

Aaand I think I should keep it at that. Don’t want to overdo it. If anyone’s still reading this, like I said, not every journal entry is gonna be a monster like this. I just... had a lot to get off my chest to get this journal thing rolling ^_^;

You are amazing and I wish you the best in all your creative endeavors!(seriously, you got something you’re working on you want to share, hit me up! I love hearing others stories or finding new comics to read, games to play!)

-Kenzi

#artist journal #blog #journal #visual novel #MuseStruck #Folk Knight #Kenzi Corinne

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qksqortn · 5 years

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- reflections -

tl;dr - 2019 fucked me up, but here’s to hoping that 2020 will finally be my year. heavy stuff -- proceed with caution

Four days into 2020, and I have only now been able to put my thoughts together to reflect upon 2019.

2019 was the year that brought me much deeper down than it brought me up. It was the year that I longed for the end before it was even halfway over. But it was also the year that I grew the most, learned the most, and loved the most.

(skip to bottom if you don’t want to read the detailed description of how 2019 fucked with me)

This year started off with my last semester at Berkeley. I knew from the semester before that I had clinical depression, but I had it under control. Shortly after the semester started, my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, and I quickly realized that I did not have anything under control. When I found out, I cried for a week. A month, really. At first, it wasn’t because I thought I would lose her. It was because it was the first time I heard so much fear and uncertainty in her voice. It was because my mother had worked so fucking hard her entire life, and for her to be punished like this was unthinkable. I held onto my faith because it was the only thing I could do, but I also hated God for having let this happen. My mom was and is my world, and my world was shaking.

But what could I do? All I could think of from February onward was that I needed to do enough to graduate from college and go back home. I hated myself for having gone to school so far from home, so far from my mom, whose vulnerabilities only became clearer when I left for my freshman year of college.

Who knew that just doing enough to graduate would be so fucking hard? School was busy, and life was busy, but I spent 4 years with some amazing friends, and I spent April having some unforgettable lasts with the same friends who I had my unforgettable firsts. And lo and behold, I graduated from UC Berkeley!

I came back home in May and accompanied my mom to weekly chemotherapy sessions. I watched her in fatigue, pain, and overall constant discomfort. I cried when I was alone, and put on a smile when I was with her. I went on tinder date after hinge date to take my mind off things. It was fun, but nothing was promising. I already wanted the year to end.

In August, I joined my church young adult group and met some great people (some I liked more than others). My mom had her total mastectomy and lumpectomy, and the surgery went well. I spent the rest of August putting in job applications and taking care of my mom. At the end of August, I agreed to temporarily work for my parents full-time for the busy season. I took control of the college counseling program, which was always a headache for my mom.

September was a month filled with 눈치밥, dressing more professionally and speaking more professionally so no one could say that I was taking advantage of my parents’ position. I worked overtime and at home to make sure that everything got done when it had to get done so no one would have reason to reprimand me, because we all knew how uncomfortable that situation would be.

In October, work only got busier. I was Jaehee the college counseling coordinator, photographer, in-house tech consultant, in-house graphic designer, handbook-writer, and many more. Church got busier as I inadvertently took on more roles. Life got busier as I started dating someone I had no feelings for and taking my mom to radiation treatments every day for 5 weeks. From the outside, it seemed like I had my life together. I was working out almost every day, dieting and losing weight, dating, working hard, and had a church life. But on the inside, I knew I was just going through the motions.

I quickly put an end to dating. I also found out that he was 재활용 불가능한 쓰레기 and a borderline sociopath. Anger took over most of my days, and I became more unstable. I was angry at him, at myself, and at the church group I was in. Nothing could quell my anger but time and work. Work was busier than ever in November, with early action/decision deadlines and BCA prep, and more stressful than ever, with parents breathing down my neck and looking to take advantage of me at any chance they got. It’s safe to say that my anger quickly became insignificant compared to what I had immediately in front of me.

December was an insanely busy month. I had church events left and right, and I again had too many roles. I was working overtime every day, juggling my mom’s hospital appointments, and submitting job applications. In the week before Christmas, I got into two car accidents (I was at fault for the latter one), and I went into mental breakdown. I spent the last week of the year submitting college applications with students and preparing students for their BCA exams.

(end of detailed description)

2019 was not my year. But that doesn’t change the fact that it made me who I am as I start the new year.

Some lessons I learned:

True fear is not something you can get over by jumping out of a plane with a parachute or jumping off a ledge with a bungee cord. True fear is feeling the ground that was so solid and firm under your feet suddenly shake violently. It is being uncertain about things that you have been certain about all of your life. It is not being able to trust yourself with any decision, any opinion, or any emotion. Sometimes, true fear is not having nightmares that wake you up, but having nightmares that don’t let you sleep in the first place.

The only way to get over fear is to confront it and to take control of it (at least for me), and then deal with the consequences. I need to take (educated) risks, and be comfortable with where that may take me.

운전 조심, 남자 조심. It’s so easy to read someone incorrectly, and it is just as easy to read your own emotions incorrectly. When times are rough, the place to look isn’t new romantic love, but tried-and-true love.

I need to stop overloading my plate, and I need to say no.

I need to stop cutting the people in my life slack. If they disappoint me time and time again, I need to reevaluate that relationship.

Even at the most physically, emotionally, and mentally vulnerable point in her life, my mom is the strongest person I know. She will always be my world.

Don’t get me wrong; 2019 wasn’t all bad. I met some amazing people at work and at church who I really hope stay in my life for a very very long time. I made some lasting friendships with unlikely people, and I strengthened the friendships I have with the ones I know have my back. Although I won’t be working there for much longer, I made some instrumental and highly necessary changes in the way things are done at work, and I fulfilled my goal of making my mom’s life easier in all ways that I can (although I probably made it harder in some areas too). I have relationships that I want to deepen in 2020, and goals to fulfill.

Instagram told me today that in 2020, I will be happy (in the 2020 instagram story filter). My new year’s resolution in 2019 was to be happier, and I can confidently say that I was not successful. In 2020, I will be active about seeking happiness, even if it means that I get to my goals a little later and I drink a little less.

#2019 reflection #2020 new year #long post #heavy shit #personal

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robotsdotftw-blog · 5 years

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So what do you do in the world’s most awkward summer? (between high school and college)

It’s been over two weeks since graduation so I feel semi-qualified to answer this question.

It’s the summer between being a high school senior and a college freshman, where I don’t really know what to call myself anymore? It’s kinda sad realizing that I won’t be there in the fall to shepherd my chosen underclassmen through their crises but from afar. And overall setting up myself to live somewhere else long-term. It’s finally sinking in that through all the myths and legends you get to read about, I’m going to be an everyday student at MIT. I don’t know anymore where to hype it up or down, especially since I spent the last six months with a fervor equivalent to any fandom phase (which sure doesn’t help with the whole Avengers binge I was just on, damn you Tony Stark for being inspirational).

I keep in “weekly correspondence” with a friend I met at ISEF, a freshman in Pennsylvania who was part of my delegation. (sidenote: my week in Phoenix for ISEF was the longest time I’d ever been far from home alone. And I’m going to see Spider-Man Far From Home this Tuesday so that’s all convenient and tangential.) I tried once to keep a diary with the belief that habit is a decent motivator. When I started logging build updates for my projects I was more motivated to wake up and log some kind of work done.

Inertia: a body in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an equal and opposite force.

So my inertia is a lot of sleep and productivity in neglected hours. High school quite honestly burned me out, creatively and socially. I got the most done towards the end with self-imposed deadlines and freedom.

I graduated on June 13th, an early date this year, and spent a week being lazy and “recovering” so to speak. Technically, I spent the night before graduation panicking and assembling my graduation cap, which used one of those LED matrix panels to play gifs. I thought I fried the microcontroller by putting too much voltage through it (5V instead of 3V, but never again for that Teensy) but it was just that my code was bad. I will put up a video eventually on what it does and how I, an absolute novice, read through a lot of documentation and simplified things with some dumb understanding of where to plug in stuff. Future electrical/mechanical/whatever engineer in the making, folks! Always with the flashy end goal in sight, building the plane as I fly it.

I obviously wasn’t valedictorian or salutatorian or anything because I believed that a perfect GPA wasn’t as important as doing something beyond the classroom too. Yay for side projects. I balanced and made it out with only a few final B+’s (and some from junior year, but that was fine) and did something good and fun and novel.

And then, one crazy night later, I spent a week sleeping until 4pm every day. Ah, the luxury.

Figuring that this summer is my summer to catch up on all the movies and pop culture I missed during all these years I was busy studying, it’s now...

SUMMER OF NOSTALGIA

in which I decide to catch up on everything I missed, Captain America style.

First was getting a Nintendo Switch as a “sorry your friends abandoned you at the eleventh hours because they were jealous of you outdoing them in science competitions and college stuff” graduation gift. And Let’s Go Pikachu. I dumped a lot of hours into catching them all and I’m glad to have finally experienced a Pokemon game instead of just Pokemon Go on my phone.

ADORABLE

Continuing on the Avengers thread, I rented movies from the library and watched all 22 movies of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, including the Endgame re-release just last Friday. So here’s my current rating: Link

Naturally, in my Tony Stark admiration I 3D printed an arc reactor nightlight the night before the Endgame rerelease, where I saw it for the first time. And shoved said arc reactor down my shirt for photos. I’m thinking it’s going to be neat dorm lighting and a last-minute Halloween costume. #ProofThatTonyStarkHasAHeart

love you 3000. ☆ aka 3D printing an arc reactor nightlight before going to the endgame rerelease to cry over iron man for three hours. I think we should all keep a little Tony Stark desire to innovate in ourselves.

A post shared by Shayna (@skaiashayna) on Jun 28, 2019 at 1:00am PDT

On the less fun side of things, I’ve also been taking edX courses online to prepare for MIT’s Advanced Standing Exams (ASEs) to see if I can get some credit out of intro-level programming (6.0001) and biology (7.01x) classes after taking these exams during orientation. Still a good time sink and refresher of some things I haven’t seen since freshman year bio/sophomore year AP CompSci.

And now, it’s the night before I’m going to see Far From Home. Sure, I still need to clean up my room and pack for college and prep for being a space ambassador at the Apollo 50th celebrations in a few weeks (that’s a whole other explainer post), but for now I’m just being and enjoying. And that’s enough.

How am I going to change the world? Well, I’m just going to wait and see what hits me. For now, we chill, free of expectations.

#confessions of a part-time space queen #proof that tony stark has a heart

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kujo1597 · 7 years

Text

Actually, That Was a Good Thing

Care and self care are important. It can be hard to keep that in mind. Especially when you feel that you have a lot of wrongdoings to make up for. Sometimes a person has to step back and recover before they can continue to aid others.

And sometimes it takes a friendly voice to remind one of that.

You can also read this on Archive of Our Own.

Chapter 5

“You alright?”

Amethyst’s voice brought Peridot back to reality. “Huh? What?”

“You’ve been so quiet and you have such a distant look in your eye,” Amethyst elaborated. “We’re cuddled infront of the TV and you’re staring at a plant.”

“I’m okay,” Peridot didn’t sound it. “Just stressed. But I’m always stressed so it’s not a big deal.”

“Sounds like a big deal to me. You wanna talk about it?”

After much hesitation Peridot gave Amethyst a “maybe.”

“I’m all ears,” Amethyst tried to look Peridot in the eyes but it was hard with Peridot lying on top of her.

“One of my aunts-” just as Peridot was about to confide in Amethyst, Lapis walked into the house looking upset.

Peridot quickly got off of Amethyst, “Actually, I’ll talk later, Lapis needs me right now.”

Amethyst grabbed Peridot’s hand. “But you need to talk, she can wait.”

Peridot glanced towards Lapis’ room with an unsure expression. “I don’t know, I have a better handle on things than she does. I have to be there for her.”

She didn’t like it, but Amethyst let Peridot go.

She’s an outsider after all.

Turns out Lapis was very loud when she was upset, it sounded like her latest girlfriend wasn’t working out. Peridot wasn’t even remotely audible but Lapis’ frustrated replies sure were.

This put an uncomfortable feeling in Amethysts gut.

Ten minutes later Peridot returned looking even more stressed and distant.

“Peri...” Amethyst didn’t know what to say. “C’mon, sit. Let’s talk.”

As if he sensed Peridot’s distress Max ran into the room. She picked him up and buried her face into his fur. She then sat down next to Amethyst.

Amethyst wasn’t really sure where to begin, she put her hand on Peridot’s knee. “Does this happen a lot?”

“Not a lot,” Peridot replied sounding even worse than before, “just when she get a new girlfriend.”

So yes, a lot.

“It’s fine.”

Peridot says that a lot.

“I dunno Peri, you look like you need a break from this,” Amethyst tried to think of an escape for Peridot.

“Probably,” Peridot actually admitted it. “But Lapis needs me.”

“It might be good for you both. You can get away from some stress and she can start figuring out how to deal with things without you. I mean, you’re gonna move out some day.”

Right?

“I suppose I see your point and I guess I could prepare enough food to last her a couple days.”

“Or she could cook for herself.”

Peridot shook her head. “She can barely take care of herself when she's like this, her face was so thin when I moved in. Somebody needs to cook for her.”

“She’ll survive.”

“I know, I just worry. I owe her so much. She’s giving me a place to stay, and I can’t even afford to pay half the rent. Helping her is the least I can do.”

“Yeah, but this isn’t good for you, you’re falling apart.”

“That’s an exaggeration,” not in Amethyst’s option, “I’m just having a rough go of it right now. It’ll blow over. It always does.”

Things still weren’t sitting well with Amethyst. “I won’t force you to do anything but you should really consider that break.”

“I will consider it.”

They cuddled together but the mood wasn’t right. Things were still on Amethyst’s mind. “You still haven’t talked about what was stressing you out earlier. You still wanna?”

Peridot didn’t answer, Amethyst sighed. “Alright, you don’t have to.”

The rest of their evening together wasn’t as easy-going as it normally would be.

Hopefully next time will be better...

It wasn’t better.

Peridot didn’t seem as worn-out which was good but Lapis’ mood was even worse. Peridot comforted her and came back looking awful.

That isn’t good, it’s not healthy.

Amethyst decided to be firm.

“Does Lapis ever even thank you for doing that?”

“Well, she never says the words ‘thank you’ but I can tell she appreciates it. And she also listens to me and occasionally gives me advice. It’s not as one-sided as you seem to think. This is just a bit of a rough patch.”

“Pretty long for a rough patch.”

“Yeah, they don’t usually last this long,” Peridot couldn’t help agreeing. “It’ll be fine.”

Amethyst looked Peridot firmly in the eyes. “I said I wouldn’t force you to do anything and I mean it. But if this is still going on a week from now I’m gonna pester you about that break.”

“Why are you being so stubborn about this?” Peridot looked almost as if nobody’s ever cared about her.

“You’re not the only one that worries.”

Amethyst pulled Peridot into a hug. “Please, take care of yourself.”

A week later Amethyst got a phone call from Peridot.

“Hey Peri, what’s up?”

Peridot sighed. “I need that break.”

Amethyst debated asking for more info but Peridot’s tone told her that it’s not something that should be discussed over the phone. “Yeah, sure. Why don’t you stay over for a couple days?”

“What about Max? Don’t you have a cat?”

“Lion? Nah, he’s a stray Steven’s tamed. He rarely over.”

“Alright, I’d need you to pick me up; I don’t want to strand Lapis.”

“No problem, I can pick you up later today if you want. Or tomorrow, any time really.”

“Tomorrow will be best. I have some prep work to do.”

“...You’re cooking meals for Lapis, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, but you’re right, I won’t always live with Lapis but maybe I should wean her. I’m mostly just doing prep-work for a couple days from now, she can warm up leftovers tomorrow. She’ll have to actually cook after that.”

Well, it’s a start...

“Okay, pick you up at at ten AM?”

“That sounds good. See you then.”

“See ya.”

Amethyst hung up.

So Peridot agreed to take that break on her own.

Things must have been really bad.

When Amethyst came over to pick Peridot up Lapis was nowhere to be found.

“She stepped out earlier,” Peridot explained. “She didn’t say where she was going. But it’s not like she’s never done this before.”

Peridot looked concerned but okay otherwise.

What a relief.

“Ready to go?”

“Yep,” Peridot replied. “I’ll need to ride in the back with Max. It’s safer for him that way.”

They got into Amethyst’s car after loading up Peridot’s belongings and drove off.

“I know you want to ask about what happened,” Peridot spoke from the back seat. “It was pretty much the same as what you’ve already seen. I just couldn’t take it anymore, you’re right, it was wearing me out.” Peridot sighed. “Hopefully getting away for a few days will help.”

“It should, sometimes when I get sick of Pearl I go to my hometown for a bit. That helps me.”

“So you’ve been through the same thing?” Peridot was intrigued, Amethyst never talks about herself.

“Not exactly,” Amethyst replied. “My issue with Pearl is that she’s constantly riding my ass.” Amethyst started doing a Pearl impression. “Amethyst, don’t leave your bras lying around. Amethyst, watch your language around Steven. Amethyst, no rough housing. Oh Amethyst, that’s absolutely disgusting, don’t do that ever again.” The impression stopped. “I just get sick of it, y’know.”

“She sounds like the Pearl I knew in college. I almost stepped out on a couple projects because of it. It didn’t help that we had some communication issues due to my dyslexia. It’s not something I can help so you’d think she would’ve been more patient with me.”

“You’re dyslexic?”

That’s news.

“Yeah, you didn’t notice?”

“Well, yeah, some of your texts are a bit jumbled but I figured you were just in a rush.”

“Nope, dyslexic. I try to catch any errors but some always get through.”

“Don’t you code for a living? Doesn’t that make it hard?”

“A little. It’s why I’ll never work for a large company. I can’t do strict deadlines.”

“I can see that, well, hopefully you’ll find a company that understands.”

“A stable income would be nice,” Peridot wanted to immediately write Amethyst’s sentiment off but a little optimism may her her some good.

Neither of them did much more talking on the way to Amethyst’s house.

Amethyst helped Peridot bring her luggage into the house. A couple suitcases, her laptop, dog things, books, and some handhelds and games.

Steven met them at the door and practically squealed when he saw Max. “Oh my gosh. He looks like a teddy bear!”

“Yep, cute, isn’t he?” Peridot loves it when kids react that way to Max.

She put Max on the floor and weirdly he stuck next to her. “Go on Max, that’s Steven. Say hi.”

Max stayed put, he cheerfully wagged his tail but he didn’t leave Peridot’s side. Steven called him but he still stayed.

“I’m sorry Steven,” Peridot said with a frown. “He’s very friendly but I’m not doing too well so he’s worried. Max is more than just a cute pet, he has an important job and well, he’s pretty married to his work. I’m sure he’ll play with you later.”

“Okay,” Seven didn’t sound as disappointed as Peridot expected. “Here, I’ll help you carry your stuff.”

He took the dog supplies from Amethyst and brought them to the kitchen.

“So, you want your own room or are we bunking together?” Amethyst asked as her and Peridot walked up the stairs.

Peridot hadn’t even considered the second option. “Would there be enough room for both myself and Max?”

Amethyst didn’t really expect Peridot to agree to sharing a bed. “There should be, my bed’s pretty big.”

“And we’re both pretty tiny. If it doesn’t work out I could always move to the guest room.”

They entered Amethyst’s honestly, kind of disorderly room and Peridot immediately put her things on the floor.

“Um, I don’t have a spare drawer so you can put your clothes in a guest room,” Amethyst didn’t quite expect Peridot to just dump her stuff there, she’s usually so organized.

“It’s alright, I’ve lived out of a suitcase before, and for longer.”

“Okay then,” Amethyst pointed at her recently cleared off desk. “You can can set up your laptop on there if you want.

Peridot did so and Amethyst could tell she was debating getting some work done.

“You can work if you want,” Amethyst said. “I’ll get you when it’s lunch time.”

Peridot nodded. “Yeah, I think I’ll do that.”

With a wave Amethyst left the room and went down the stairs.

“You never said anything about a dog,” Pearl greeted her at the bottom of the steps wearing a disapproving expression. “You know I don’t like dogs.”

“He’s a tiny little thing, you won’t even notice him.”

“Small dogs are constantly underfoot.”

“Max got special training ‘cause of Peri’s prosthetic, he stays away from feet.”

“And the barking?”

“I’ve never heard him bark,” Amethyst wasn’t in the mood for Pearl’s nagging. “He won’t cause any trouble.”

Pearl pursed her lips. “I don’t understand why it couldn’t stay at home.”

“Nobody’s there to look after him,” Amethyst decided to leave out the part about him being Peridot’s companion animal, it took a bit for Peridot to tell even her.

“Alright,” Pearl conceded, “it can stay but the second it causes trouble it’s going home or to a kennel. I don’t care which.”

“Won’t happen, he’s the best behaved pooch I’ve ever met.”

“It’d better be.”

Amethyst mocked Pearl the second she left the room.

Ugh, the nerve of her.

When Peridot saw Pearl at lunch there was a flash of recognition on her face.

“You must be Peridot,” Pearl offered her hand. “Amethyst told me about you, I’m Pearl.”

Peridot looked irritated as she shook Pearl’s hand. “I’m Peridot.”

Garnet waved from the other end of the table. “Garnet.”

The irritated expression vanished. “Nice to meet you Garnet.”

During lunch there was this odd one-sided tension between Peridot and Pearl. Peridot was weirdly passive-aggressive too.

Aside from chiding Steven for giving scraps to Max, Peridot was her usual self with everybody but Pearl.

Amethyst couldn’t help wondering if her stories coloured Peridot’s opinion of Pearl.

She decided to talk to Peridot after lunch.

“She doesn’t remember me.”

Amethyst didn’t even get a chance to start the conversation.

“Who? Pearl?”

“We worked together for years and she doesn’t remember me,” Peridot looked very annoyed.

“Well, Pearl’s not the best with faces,” Amethyst wasn’t really sure what to do, she’s never seen Peridot like this before.

“She punched me in the face and she doesn’t remember me,” Peridot’s voice rose as she spoke. “She’s why I’m missing a tooth!”

That solved that mystery.

Peridot continued, “okay sure, I deserved it, I said some horrible things. But still! That should have at least made in impression!”

“Hold on, what did you say to her?” Amethyst had to get that out of the way, she whispered, “it wasn’t about her being trans, was it?”

Peridot looked offended. “What? No! I admit I used to be a bad person but I was never deplorable. I basically said that somebody her age could never be as good with tech as me, I just went on and on about it too. My psychiatrist said, and I agree, that I was likely projecting my issues with my mother onto her since they’re around the same age. Obviously that doesn’t make it right and I did apologize. I’m not mad that she punched me, I’m mad because she forgot about me. We had some good times too.”

Turns out Peridot talked a mile a minute when she was upset. Amethyst couldn’t find a good place to jump in.

Where could she even start? Peridot being a bad person at one point? Her mother issues? Not being mad about getting punched in the face?

“What do you mean you used to be a bad person?” That was probably the most important, if it was really horrible it’d be good to know relatively early on.

The look of genuine shame showed on Peridot’s face. “I had a huge chip on my shoulder, I was under constant pressure from my mother and took it out on others. I was never physically violent but I said said some terrible things and brought a lot of people down.”

Peridot sighed heavily. “I was awful and when I re-evaluated my life and what I was doing to others I decided to try to make up for it. It’s when I started to prioritize everybody over myself. Now I do everything I can to make people feel good,”

She looked so worn out. “I need to make up for how horrible I was.”

Amethyst gently hugged Peridot. “Peri, just learning from your mistakes is good enough. You don’t need to give every part of yourself away to make amends.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you broke up with me,” Peridot’s voice was strained.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I love you too much to leave over stuff you did in the past.”

“You love me?”

Amethyst didn’t even realize that she’d never said it before. “Yeah, I really love you.”

“I love you too,” Peridot barely managed to say this before breaking down.

They embraced in the kitchen, Peridot’s been bottling up her tears for god knows how long. She cried and cried into Amethyst’s shoulder. Sometimes quiet’s best so Amethyst just rubbed Peridot's back as she finally let down her shield.

Unbeknownst to them, Garnet saw the whole thing. She made sure nobody went into the kitchen until they were finished.

Amethyst was the first to speak after they separated. “Feeling better?”

Peridot nodded. “I have a headache now but my chest feels lighter.”

“Crying’s good sometimes.”

"Yeah, thank you Amethyst."

"Any time," Amethyst hugged Peridot.

After being assured that nobody could tell that she was just crying, Peridot agreed to join everyone in the living room.

Steven looked a bit concerned but didn't say anything and Pearl took a good look at Peridot as of she was trying to place her face.

The large group watched TV together.

After a few rounds of Kitchin Kalamity everybody went to bed.

Peridot rummaged through her duffel bag and couldn't find what she was looking for.

"Do you have any makeup remover I could use?"

"You wear makeup?" Automatically left Amethyst's mouth. "Um, yeah, it should be on my bathroom counter."

It took a little bit for Peridot to leave the washroom wearing her night clothes. And something other than her plugs was missing...

Her eyebrows!

"You're naturally blonde?" Amethyst knew that was a bit of a strong reaction. "Isn't your dad Asian?"

"He is, it's incredibly rare but this is just how my genetics worked out," Peridot didn't seem too bothered by Amethyst's reaction. "I think I look kind of scary when I don't colour them."

"So how do you colour them? It doesn't look like you use a pencil, I've seen that plenty of times."

"When I was younger I heard you could use mascara to do so, so I do."

Amethyst snickered. "You use mascara on your eyebrows?"

"Sure do," Peridot replied as she sat next to Amethyst, she removed her prosthesis. "The black's probably too dark but I have so much of it."

"Nah, the black looks good, and so does au naturale by the way."

“You know me so of course you don’t think it looks scary. I’m thinking from the perspective of a stranger.”

“I dunno, both’s good if you ask me,” Amethyst was trying not to stare at Peridot's residual limb, she's never actually seen one in person before. "So, now I gotta put lotion on your back, right?"

"If you don't mind," the reply came while Peridot had her tanktop halfway off. "I think I might've forgotten to put some on my neck so I'd like you to do that too."

"No sweat," Amethyst squirted some lotion into her hand then got her first look at Peridot's back.

It was worse looking than she expected, she thought it would look like Peridot's face or arms.

"You'll have to rub harder than that."

Amethyst had no idea how long she was staring for. "I haven't started yet."

"Oh good," Peridot laughed. "I was worried I lost more feeling than I thought." The laughter stopped. "I can do it if you've changed your mind."

"Wha- no- I just... I'm afraid I'll hurt you. You're so tiny and your back looks kinda raw in parts."

"Does it? I've never gotten a good look at it. Don't worry though, I'm fully healed. It's impossible for you to hurt me." Peridot rubbed her upper-arm quite hard to convince Amethyst of that.

Amethyst spread lotion onto the scarred surface, she started off very gentle but as she got used it she rubbed a bit harder.

"Am I doing okay?" Nerves were clear in Amethyst's voice.

"Yeah, this feels really nice actually," Amethyst could hear Peridot smiling.

"Glad to hear it," inspiration hit Amethyst. "Maybe I can massage you tomorrow night."

"I've never had a massage before," somehow, Amethyst wasn't surprised. "I hear they're nice. I'd like to try one."

Amethyst chuckled. "Alright, be sure to remind me."

With a quick pass over Peridot's neck, Amethyst was finished. Right before they lied down Peridot put some lotion her stump.

"It's kinda funny, since you needed a new foot I assumed your old one melted."

"It did melt a bit but there's lots of layers between my socket and leg. I'm kind of glad for that, I image removing plastic that's melted to you would really hurt." Peridot frowned with thought. "Well, I was passed out so I guess I wouldn't have felt it anyway."

It was interesting how open Peridot was about her burns and the fire but not much else that she's been through.

Almost like- Oh no...

But Peridot's had a rough day so Amethyst put off asking about it.

Peridot got settled in on her back and Max curled up on her stomach.

Amethyst lied next to them.

"Would it be alright if we talked a bit more?"

"Ah, that's right, you're never in bed this early. Sure, we can talk." Peridot lifted her left leg. "I like to let the lotion soak in before I put my sock on anyway."

Amethyst rested her head on Peridot's chest while she tried to think of a topic.

Something didn't sound right...

"So Peri, how're you liking the new Pokémon cartoon?"

"It's so fun and cute!" The reply was more than enthusiastic. "I was worried because it was advertised as having 'a laugh a minute.' I like comedy but more in moderation."

"I get that. So, any highlights? I'm still not sure if I wanna watch it."

"Ash's Rowlet was raised by a really wonderful family of Pikipek and its evolutionary line. I loved seeing it. Oh but the poor dear, he's always dozing off because he's nocturnal but was raised by a diurnal family." Peridot laughed, it sounded fine out of her mouth but her chest rattled a little.

Amethyst ignored it as they talked more Pokémon.

But the sound didn't go away. "Are you getting sick?"

"No, why?" Peridot looked down at Amethyst with those curious silver eyes of hers, another beautiful result of weird genetics.

"Your breathing just sounds, I dunno, rough?"

"Oh, yeah, that's just the lung damage," Peridot was so non-chalant. "It's nothing to worry about."

"Okay," Amethyst decided to take Peridot's word for it. "You'd tell me if you were sick, right?"

"Of course, you'd be the first to know, well, third after myself and Max. He picks up on that type of thing before I do."

"Little guy's perceptive," with a smile Amethyst patted Max on the head and he grumbled a bit. "Oops, guess he's telling me we should be asleep."

Peridot smiled. "Yeah, we're on a schedule. So if you don't mind," with a surprising amount of flexibility Peridot slipped a sock onto her stump. "I'd like to go to sleep."

"Alright, night Peri."

"Goodnight Amethyst."

They gave each other a quick kiss goodnight before Amethyst turned off the lamp.

#SU Fanfic #Amedot #Perithyst #SU Amethyst #SU Peridot #SU Lapis Lazuli #SU Garnet #SU Pearl #Steven Quartz Universe #Human AU #Kujo Writes #Not Such a Bad Thing Universe

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focusingontheself · 4 years

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Week 1 Summary

I’ll be honest - I don’t remember how it really went this week. I definitely didn’t stick to the 20 minutes/day breakdown, but I think I’ve made some progress.

For example, I ran my dishwasher last weekend, and I ran it again this weekend. Now that might seem like a long time to some, but this was pretty quick for me. I’ve already unloaded the dishwasher from yesterday’s washing and started reloading it tonight.

Yesterday I tried to batch cook chicken (easy poached chicken from Downshiftology) but that’s probably a story for another day. I also made sukiyaki for the first time! I was so thrown off by the poached chicken that I didn’t even make rice for the sukiyaki. Luckily, I had some Trader Joe’s microwavable brown rice, which came in clutch. But then I was exhausted and didn’t have it in me to do the dishes (cast iron and Dutch oven? ugh.). I gave myself some grace and figured I’d tackle it today. But then it was 8:30 pm at night and I still hadn’t done the dishes. I was feeling sleepy and even texted Lauren about it. However, I was determined to do my 20 minutes, and in the end, I did almost all of the dishes! I still have some muffin tins that need to be washed lol but they’re mostly good and I had already been doing stuff for 1.5 hours.

I had wanted to do my 20 minutes of cleaning focusing on the kitchen (stove, floors, etc.), but since I had done so much “cleaning” already. Tomorrow should hopefully be lots of little dishes (maybe overnight oats, salad with chicken, leftover sukiyaki, cucumbers and hummus, fruit, etc.), so I won’t be overwhelmed with dishes tomorrow and can focus on getting the kitchen in good shape!

Before I even tackled the dishes today, I considered doing my 20 minutes of cleaning to clear off my bed since I haven’t been sleeping there in forever. But as you hear from religious folks, when you make plans, God laughs. I’ll try to put it on my list for Tuesday’s focused cleaning.

When I was talking with Lauren today, I admitted that I had been scared to come back to Claremont and my mess of an apartment due to renewing my lease. But the new date came and went, and not a word from the leasing office. However, with the college’s decision about the fall coming out by Friday 7/24 and the start of August as a potential time for stress again, Lauren was saying that I should stay home and focus on cleaning my apartment. After the 24th, I can see if it makes more sense for me to move home or do something else and also see if I need to move stuff up north when I go visit mom and dad. It’s honestly overwhelming to think about all that I need to do before then, but I just have to believe that I can do it. I’m fortunate that I’ve had this extra time, but I can’t just keep hoping that this deadline is extended. I’ve never had any friends over to my apartment because I always feel like it’s messy and not good enough. Turns out it was always pretty good, but now it’s just plain bad.

In other news, I had a call last week with Anisha, Becca and Kat’s friend, because she’s interested in a graduate degree in psychology and Becca had recommended me. It reminded me of all of the work that I haven’t done in the past year to figure out the type of graduate program I’d like to purse. Recently I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts, and I started thinking about maybe these depressed feelings are all happening to help me gain some clarity. How can I pursue a graduate degree if I only went to therapy once because I got a bad grade and freaked out? I think I can learn a lot about myself and about therapy by experiencing it firsthand.

I called insurance on Thursday, and she said the next available appointment was on Monday 7/13 at 7 AM. There was definitely a pause before I asked some questions. Good news - it’s just a phone call, so I don’t have to worry about having to do a video call. I think it’s just the assessment, so I’m not sure how long it will last, but it can’t be longer than an hour. The other good news is that Jerry will be out of the office tomorrow and Tuesday! So I don’t have to worry about my 1:1 meeting, etc. Bad news - the call can begin up to 30 minutes before or after so in theory, I need to be ready for a call at 6:30 LOL. I haven’t been up and functioning that early in a long time. But I’m really exciting to be taking this first step for me.

Alright, I need to go wash up (because I’m trying to be better about this too), and then take out the trash. And maybe prep some overnight oats. After seeing this all written out, I think I need to do check-ins more frequently. Maybe a daily check-in would be good. Okay, I’m officially rambling. Goodnight!

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danidolldesigns · 6 years

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How To Be Productive & Stay Productive

Want to know how to be productive and stay productive? Read on!

We all know how difficult it can be to be productive and even harder to STAY productive.

Especially, if you’re a procrastination expert (like me!) so I have come up with a list of the 6 things I do myself to keep me productive.

It’s not full proof by any means, but these are the steps that I find most helpful and I hope you do too!

1. Set Yourself Clear Goals

Be specific, know what you want to achieve for the day, week, month etc. Break the bigger goals down into smaller, more manageable goals. Breaking goals down like this I find really helps to keep me focused on each stage of completing a goal. Rather than focusing on the daunting task of the large goals, being able to visualise smaller milestones helps to keep your mind focused and motivated. Plus you get a real sense of achievement and you get to visually see the progress your making as you tick off each stage.

2. Establish A Routine As Soon As Possible

It’s a lot easier to stick to a routine than be spontaneously productive. Not having a clear routine, in my opinion, leaves way too much opportunity to procrastinate. Setting a routine out for yourself doesn’t have to mean planning every minute of your life. I like to plan in ‘Chunks’. For example, I might add an hour a day into my journal for ‘drawing’. So that I spend that hour doing some drawing on whatever project I am currently working on. I do the same for things like ‘blog work’, this way it keeps it focused on a area but with the freedom to prioritise within the chosen subject.

3. Always Be Organised!

When talking about how to be productive, organisation really is the key to success. Simple. Make notes or to-do lists regularly to give yourself a visual reminder of what needs to be done. Prepare for your day, get things that you need out the night before, that sort of thing. Anything that makes your day that little bit easier. The more you can prep before hand, the smoother completing your tasks will be.

Consider starting a bullet journal to help keep you organised!

4. Set Yourself Deadlines

It’s surprising how much this one works. Just like in school or college, setting yourself deadlines makes you work harder and more efficiently. Fact. Well, it makes me work harder and I know a lot of people that find it works too. Lots of small deadlines that work towards a large one work best for me. This is a great point to work alongside setting small and large goals, they work perfectly together.

5. Take Regular Breaks

Especially if your planning on a super busy day, take regular small breaks. It helps to refresh your mind, helps you focus when you return to the task your doing and you can take it as a little reward for the work you’ve already done. Sometimes, when you’re really struggling for motivation or getting frustrated with a specific task, it can help to take a day or two off. Come back to it when you’re feeling a little more chilled out, sometimes taking a long break like this can help you complete a task at a much higher level and with a lot more passion too.

6. Get To Know Yourself And How You Work Best (Or Worst!)

If you’re a morning person then maybe you should try getting your work done early? Or visa versa, night owl? Try doing your work in the evening? We all have favourite times of the day, favourite days to get stuff done, favourite places to work from. Make your workload easier on yourself by playing to your own strengths and avoid your weaknesses where possible. Also, avoid distracts that will prolong your workload. We all know that Facebook is one of the BIGGEST distractions these days and if Facebook isn’t your thing (like me) then it’s probably Instagram.. or Pinterest… or cat videos.. or memes…. You get my point, right? Stop checking your phone!.. Or at least check it less often, maybe on your breaks that I was just talking about? 😉

We all know how difficult it can be to be productive and even harder to STAY productive. Click To Tweet

Have you tried any of these tips on how to be productive? What would you add to this list that helps you work?

Get Things Done With A Solid Planning Routine!

Don’t Break The Chain – Habit Building Challenge

Day Zero Project – 101 Things In 1001 Days

8 Reasons Why You Should Start A Bullet Journal

17 Bullet Journal Hacks To Make You Even More Organised!

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goope-jp-tenmei · 7 years

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Behind the Stationery: anne and kate

Our next Behind the Stationery feature is a bi-coastal duo! Anne & Kate have been dedicated to growing their business full-time for almost a year now, but their friendship began years before they started their business. I’m so excited to have them here to share about their workflow from upstate New York to LA that includes many Facetimes and a unique design process. Take it away, ladies! — Megan Soh

Kate: Before working on anne and kate in a full time capacity, I worked as a freelance graphic designer for small studios and in-house marketing groups.

Anne: I am a fine artist and when I am not working on anne and kate, I make paintings and large scale installations. I rely heavily on screen printing to make my artwork so the studio constantly has some printing happening in it. Before I gave anne and kate more of a full time focus I was an adjunct professor of fine art at a number of universities in Philadelphia — teaching painting and screen printing.

We began by collaborating on custom design projects for friends’ weddings. We love designing for clients but wanted to create a cohesive line that was all our own. We were interested in products that helped friends stay in touch beyond coming together for big life events. Throughout our friendship we’ve kept in touch through snail mail, letters, postcards and notes. This inspired us to launch a line of cards at the National Stationery Show in 2016.

Because we live in two different cities, we have two separate work spaces. Our studio for production and fulfillment is in upstate New York in a tiny town called Valatie, where Anne lives. There is a barn on her property that we use as our studio. Kate lives in LA and works out of her home.

All of our stationery is screen printed. We make greeting cards, thank you notes, postcards, and gift tags. Additionally, we make wrapping paper and other party supplies. Our products are bold — we are both drawn to intense color and we think our color is what helps set us apart from other lines. We make cards that feel fresh and communicate positivity and a sense of exuberance. Screen printing suits our design aesthetic because it is great for crisp graphic imagery and produces a unique flat, juicy, color. Our neon colors wouldn’t be possible with the same density and impact in any other print medium.

We have a long distance bestie business! We met in college and haven’t lived in the same city since. Because of our personal relationship with stationery and the role it has played helping us keep in touch, celebrate birthdays, life achievements, and provide comfort when things have been hard, our designs tend to gravitate toward cards that celebrate love and friendship. While we have styles for all occasions we always come back to sentiments that are super positive, encouraging, or celebratory. We believe in celebrating life’s important moments – big and small. Showing someone you care by sending them a note or taking the time to wrapping their gift with super special wrapping paper is an amazing gesture. We all need to be shown a little love and care, and we think that should take the form of a neon yellow WOO HOO!

We each maintain independent schedules because we work long distance. We schedule weekly calls to talk about the big stuff and but are in contact daily; our text thread is full of pictures of doodles of new design ideas, screen captures of the designs we are working on on the computer, and notes about the status of orders – all interspersed with random personal messages. Our friendship naturally interjects itself in to our work and vice versa.

We have strategically scheduled in-person meetings where we travel to stay with each other. When a work session requires printing, sampling new designs and testing colors, Kate comes to NY. For design sessions and planning, Anne travels to LA.

Anne: I manage all the production (in-house and what we outsource) and fulfillment. My days vary based on the volume of orders, design deadlines, and our inventory needs. I try and devote a few hours every morning to packaging inventory to make order fulfillment easier and more efficient. I devote at least two days to printing to keep up on the inventory of the styles we print in-house. I work with our vendors to manage the production of the styles we outsource and manage our part-time studio assistant who helps with packaging and inventory management.

Working in a barn adjacent to my house provides for an very easy commute, but I am careful to set office hours to keep me from popping over in the middle of the night to do some work. It’s a real bonus to walk across the lawn to the barn – I just have to been on the look out for bunnies and deer if I do go late at night!

Kate: I manage the wholesale accounts and custom clients, marketing, and accounting. In the morning I respond to inquiries from wholesale accounts, vendors, sales reps, and clients. The rest of my time is divided between accounting, designing, planning, web and social media. We’ve only been at this full-time for about a year so we are just starting to get into a real groove with our calendar. And I’m in the middle of moving from Chicago to LA which is throwing my usual schedule out the window! I have 3 little kids, so I usually finish the day early to pick them up from school. If there’s time-sensitive work to be done I get back to it after they are all asleep.

We design collaboratively. We start by brainstorming ideas over the phone, making a master list of styles we need (like new birthday or graduation cards) and then work on sketches individually. We both often start with very loose doodle and sketches on paper, then we then refine them in Illustrator. There is often a lot of overlap in the way we’ve approached the design concept or illustration so it becomes easy to fuse our work into a finished piece. We feel that our work is stronger because we design collaboratively; it brings together our different strengths in color, typography, pattern, and composition.

Once we have a design layout nearly resolved, we tackle the color separations. We design with layers and overlap in mind; we use the last stage of the design process to carefully refine how parts of the design interact. We sample the designs by screen printing them at the studio to see what will make the cut to move into production. Once design, color and styles are finalized we prep files for outsourcing or for Anne who puts it into our in-house production schedule.

We are always trying to be more efficient in how we work, both in our own spaces and in how we work together. It’s always a struggle to protect the design process – it’s the most fun part of what we do, and the most important – but we manage nearly all of the aspects the business ourselves and it involves so much more than design. There are endless business-related tasks that no one likes to think about!

All images courtesy of anne & kate.

Want to be featured in the Behind the Stationery column? Reach out to Megan at megan [at] ohsobeautifulpaper [dot] com for more details.

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