#there's going to be a part 2 because this was way too short for my liking y'all

[hanjsquokka]

bed chem.

han jisung × fem!reader — love at first sight, strangers to lovers, non idol! au, based on sabrina carpenter's song bed chem, fluff/smut

summary — you couldn't take your eyes off him since you saw him. even though you talked for mere seconds, you were undeniably in love. good thing he felt the same too.

warnings — alcohol consumption, swearing, explicit sexual content (warnings under the cut), lots and lots of kissing, just a little bit of a situationship

word count — 4.4K

author's note — extremely late birthday post for my favorite man 🩷 bed chem is my favorite song on sabrina's album and jisung just so happened to wear a white jacket for the dicon magazine photos 😻☝️ what a perfect coincidence. this was kinda rushed, but i hope you like it <33

please consider leaving feedback in the comments or reblogs, they really make my day 🫶🏼

minors dni. if you click read, you agree to nsfw content

smut warning — mastrubation (f rec), breast/nipple play, unprotected sex, multiple rounds (2), overstimulation

You couldn't stop staring at him; you probably looked like a creep, but you could care less. The party was in full swing around you, all of the attendees decked up in black and white formal wear, in accordance with the theme of the party your company was holding. It was some anniversary event; you recalled seeing number balloons strung up all over the place along with normal ones. You'd, at first, reluctantly attended, your mishap with your original outfit causing you to borrow one from a friend at the last minute and your favorite pearl necklace snapping when you were putting it on—both seemed like an omen for you to not go.

But boy were you glad you did, or else you would've never met him.

“Han Jisung,” your coworker, Changbin, told you. “He was working at an overseas branch and was recently transferred here.”

Your brain zoned out after that, vision tunneling at the sight of the man in the white jacket, his hair slightly long and styled back with a middle part, although a few strands came loose and hung delicately on the sides of his face. When the light hit just right, you could see a sheen on his lips, making your heart thump in your chest even more. 

“God, just go talk to him. You're practically eye-fucking him in front of my champagne,” Hyunjin, another one of your coworkers, grumbled, his face scrunched up in disgust as he sipped from his glass. Your own glass was forgotten in your hand and most likely would've been spiked if you were at a club from the way it'd been staying in the same spot while you shamelessly gazed at the beautiful man.

“I would, if I had the guts to do it,” you snapped back, your free hand scrunching up the material of your sheer, black dress that you wore over a shorter, tighter one. Your friend told you that you looked hot but, in the presence of so many other elegantly dressed women and men, you felt underdressed.

Your horrible luck struck once again when you looked back at Han Jisung and your eyes met his. Your face flamed red at being caught by him, turning away so your back was facing his direction, and you chugged your champagne.

Both Hyunjin and Changbin laughed at your embarrassment, your scowl only intensifying their amusement. You wished the ground would open up and swallow you whole, that you'd miraculously get a phone call from someone, and you'd have to leave because you would not be able to live this down if he questioned you. 

A tap on your shoulder nearly made you jump out of your skin, causing you to turn around so fast you almost gave yourself whiplash, and you were met with a blonde man with freckles dotting his face. “Hey,” he said, his voice deep and rich.

“Hi?” You greeted, your tone confused, wondering who this man was.

“Sorry, I'm Felix,” he offered a hand to shake, which you did while introducing yourself, still feeling as clueless as ever. “Long story short, if you're okay with it... I would like to introduce you to my friend. He's a bit shy.” Your brows furrowed for a moment before you nodded. Anything to save you from your slip-up. “Great.” He gave you a big smile before looking back, seemingly for his shy friend, and called him over.

In a ridiculous twist of fate, the person he called over was none other than the man you were caught staring at.

You wished you could disappear. 

“Okay, so, Ji, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Jisung.” Felix clapped his hands together. “Now stop being an idiot and speak to her,” he added quietly, causing Jisung to fumble with his words and hit the blonde's shoulder, the latter only laughing in response. 

Your heart sped up in your chest when Jisung's gaze met yours for the third time that night, beating so loudly you were sure someone could hear it. Felix gave his friend one more knowing look before he linked arms with Hyunjin and Changbin, making you question if the three of them were close, and walked away to talk to other people.

Your throat felt parched, and you had no idea what to say. Another sip for your fresh glass of champagne while the tension between the two of you increased with every second.

“Right, um, I'm sorry for staring at you,” he finally said once it had gotten almost too awkward, in an accent you couldn't put your finger on, letting out a nervous chuckle, and looked at you with those big, brown eyes, almost making your knees buckle.

“I apologize as well,” you said, your stomach fluttering as his smile widened. “I wasn't trying to be creepy, you just...”

“Caught your eye?” He asked before adding, “Because you definitely did.” You blushed, your body feeling hot and bothered at his sudden compliment. He opened his mouth to say something else, but a ringtone interrupted him, and he muttered a sorry underneath his breath before pulling out his phone from his pocket. “Shit, this is important.”

You smiled. “No, it's alright.” You watched him give you a sort of upside-down one in return before walking away to take his call in a quieter place.

You didn't see him for the rest of the night, much to your disappointment. It was like he vanished into thin air. You couldn't sleep, even after hours of laying in bed after going home (the sun would come up before you would sleep, you thought), your mind replaying the evening again and again in your head like a broken record. For the first time in a while, you felt something so strong for someone you had spoken to for a few moments.

You found yourself scrolling through your social media feed, pictures of the party occupying most of it. You came across a picture in one of Hyunjin's posts with Felix, and a dumb idea struck—Felix was Jisung's friend, right? If you were lucky, which was very unlikely, Felix would have a public profile... which he did! And then going through his following, you should be able to find...

“Aha!” You exclaimed as you landed on Jisung's profile.

The next few hours were spent scrolling through his posts—totally not creepy. Your delusions were increasing by the minute as you got a look into his life and the kind of person he was. He seemed to have stayed in Malaysia before coming to your town; he had a white-furred dog, and he uploaded videos of him playing the guitar and singing every now and then—he could not get any more perfect. The more you saw, the more it cemented in your brain that he was the one. He was perfect for you.

The only problem you had was how you would approach him without looking like a complete stalker. You finally fell asleep like that, drifting off into a deep slumber, your dreams filled with the face of the man you encountered and may never see again.

“No way, no way, no way!” You stared, mouth agape, at your phone screen, your TV show forgotten in the background. You'd woken up late the next day, skipping directly to lunch after freshening up and seating yourself on your couch with a plate of food in your hands. After you finished eating, you decided to check your notifications, swiping on the unnecessary advertisements and spam emails until you saw...

[Unknown, 11:37am]: Hey Y/n! It's Jisung, from the party yesterday. I got your number from Felix. Is that weird? I'm sorry if it's weird 😭 I really like you, and I feel bad our conversation was cut short yesterday. I was wondering if you'd like to hang out sometime. I'd love to get to know you better. If not, that's totally okay; just pretend I never sent this.

You read the message a few hundred times, saving his contact with a heart beside his name, before you mustered enough sanity to reply back to him.

[You, 3:09pm]: Hi Jisung! I'd love to hang out sometime 🩷

The reply was almost instantaneous, another wonderful quality. 

[Jisung 💘, 3:10pm]: Great! I heard this café is good around here. 

[Jisung 💘, 3:10pm]: <sent a location>

[Jisung 💘, 3:11pm]: If you're free, would you like to meet up there tomorrow? Unless you're not, that's okay; maybe I'm being too forward 😭

[You, 3:11pm]: No, not at all! I was thinking of tomorrow too. Sounds great. I'll meet you at around four?

[Jisung 💘, 3:11pm]: Four sounds perfect. See you then!

You had no idea how you managed to sleep that night, excitement flowing through your veins at the prospect of going on a date with Jisung. The next day, you impatiently waited for the clock to strike four. When it finally was time, you got dressed, redid your hair until it was to your liking, and hailed a cab to the meeting spot.

You couldn't believe you were meeting Jisung in a few minutes. Maybe all the bad luck yesterday was worth it. Hell, you'd endure misfortune forever if it meant the two of you could hit off and your relationship would progress from the awkward talking stage you were in. Your thoughts trailed from cute fluffy dates that you and Jisung could have if you started dating to more not PG-13 ideas the more you thought about him. It was wrong; you knew that. You hardly knew him, and yet you were acting like a horny teenager just because you thought he gave you heart eyes—in your defense, it had been a while since you were with someone, and your heart just couldn't help but wander down the gutter because this guy... this guy seemed like he liked you just as much as you did. He put in the effort of talking to you and everything—that had to count for something, right?

Your anxiousness made you arrive outside the café ten minutes beforehand, exiting the Uber with a cluster of nerves in your stomach. You opted for a warmer outfit, seeing that autumn had begun and the air had turned slightly crisp in the evenings. A woolen sweater tucked into your jeans, it was casual enough for a café date (was this a date?). 

After what seemed like hours (five minutes), you saw Jisung exit a car and come up to you in a light jog. “Sorry, did I keep you waiting?” You swallowed nervously, admiring his outfit choice that looked good on him. You shook your head in response to his question, a smile forming on his face as he stopped right in front of you. “My neighbor's cat snuck into my apartment, and it was this whole thing,” he said, waving his hands in the air while shaking his head in disbelief. “Anyways,” he went to the door of the café and opened it, “after you.”

You blushed and walked inside, thanking him for holding the door for you. The two of you sat at a table after ordering your drinks and settled into a less awkward silence than the previous day.

“Do you like coming here often?” You asked, looking around the place. You'd never seen this café before, probably because it was out of the way in your commute route from your apartment to your office. 

Jisung nodded. “Yeah, this place makes some seriously good coffee. My apartment is a few blocks away, so I usually drop by for a to-go cup in the morning before work.”

“Right, I never got to ask, which department do you work in?”

“Marketing. I worked in the Malaysia branch until a few weeks ago.”

You nodded thoughtfully. “Explains why I haven't seen you at the office before. I'm in the IT department.” You looked at the table. “I would've remembered if I saw someone like you,” you added, smiling as you saw the tips of his ears turn red.

“You're cheeky, aren't you?” He chuckled. 

A waiter brought your drinks—a pumpkin spice latte for you, a fall special that you adored, and an iced Americano for him. You took a few sips of your latte, your insides warming up from the hot coffee.

“So, Y/n, what do you like to do outside of work?” Jisung asked, brushing his bangs to the side to see better. His hair was much more unruly than it had been at the party; it added a boyish charm to his persona. 

“Not much, truthfully,” you admitted with a sheepish laugh. “I go to a pottery class on the weekends, but I'm not that good at it... Most of my masterpieces are deformed pots and mugs.”

Jisung laughed, his eyes crinkling as he did. “You'll get better at it! I sucked at playing the guitar when I first started, and now I'm not bragging, but I do play pretty well.”

“Really?” Liar, you knew he played well. You spent a good amount of time watching the guitar covers he posted on his account before you slept. “You'll have to show me sometime.”

“Even better, I'll teach you.”

Time passed by quickly, the two of you talking about whatever you could think of until you had to part ways. Despite the fact that there wasn't any solid confirmation that you're dating, you could tell he really liked you, which made your heart fuzzy. 

For the next few weeks, you both called and texted each other, taking a few detours at work just to see the other, only to see that they had done the same as well, making you laugh. Jisung was the only thing on your mind. His face, his deep voice, the way his face would flush whenever you made a teasing comment on the smirk that would tug at his lips whenever he did to you. You were dancing around each other on the topic of commitment, neither of you making the move to ask the other if you'd like to be exclusive.

It was frustrating seeing that you went on dates whenever your schedules would allow it—the movies, the park, anything, to be honest. You spent the day beside him and then the night with your hands between your legs, his name rolling off your tongue embarrassingly as you came around your fingers.

It was getting comical how your relationship was at a stalemate for weeks. Even Hyunjin and Changbin were pestering you to make the move so you'd stop rambling about him while you worked.

One day after work, you were met with Jisung waiting outside the office next to his car, still dressed in his work clothes and looking at his phone. Once you called out to him, he looked up, his face lighting up as he approached you.

"Hi, beautiful,” he greeted, taking your hand in his. “How was your day?”

“It was okay... What are you doing here? I thought—”

“I wanted to surprise you, obviously,” he said, tugging at your hand to lead you to his car. He used his free hand to open the driver's side door and brought out a bouquet of red tulips. You weren't an idiot, and you knew he wasn't one either. The color of the flowers... you knew what that meant, and your heart did a little jump in your ribcage. “And to ask you to be my girlfriend because I've been a coward to do so earlier.” He swallowed. “Will you do me the honor of letting me be yours?” He asked, his voice soft and almost nervous, eyes flitting up to meet yours. 

“I'd love to,” you answered, accepting the bouquet with a flushed face and a smile so wide your cheeks burned. “You're such a romantic, Jisung. These are beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you,” he flirted, grinning when he saw your reaction. “But seriously, I'm sorry I've been an idiot. I really really really like you, Y/N. Since the moment I saw you. Scratch that, I love you. I know I do.” He squeezed your hand. 

“I love you too.” A million thoughts were exchanged between the two of you as you looked at each other. Your eyes dipped down to his lips, and you bit the inside of your cheek before speaking. “Can I kiss you?”

“Thought you'd never ask,” he muttered, the hand that was holding yours moving to wrap around your waist. Your eyes fluttered close as his face drew closer to yours and his lips finally met your own. The kiss was sweet; you could taste his chapstick, which made your stomach flip. Your arms went over his shoulders, still holding onto the bouquet.

When he pulled away and looked at you with that half-lidded gaze, you swore you would have fainted if he wasn't holding onto you. Another kiss from him took your breath away, this one much deeper and more sensual than the first.

“I won't be able to stop kissing you now that you're my girlfriend.” He chuckled, planting a final kiss on your forehead before pulling away.

“I wouldn't mind that.”

“Really?” He laughed even more. “Good, because you can't stop me. Now, let me drive you home.”

The ride to your apartment was filled with future date plans and spontaneous karaoke once he turned the radio on. You visited each other's houses in the past few months, having a few movie nights, but this time, you wanted—no, needed to take the next step. He parked his car and walked with you up to your flat. When he was about to leave, you stopped him.

“Jisung, why don't you stay over?”

He paused in his tracks. “What?”

“We could order takeout... or make dinner, and tomorrow's the weekend...” You bit your lip, waiting for his response.

“Y/n,” he said, almost hesitantly. “You do know—”

“I want it.” You cut him off. “Just... stay over, Jisung, please?”

He sighed. “You know I can't say no when you ask me like that.” He smiled softly and accepted your invitation, walking into your apartment and kicking off his shoes. Both of you knew what was going to happen, and you were more than ready to have him completely. Once you locked the door behind you and put the bouquet in the kitchen, you felt his hand wrap around your wrist and pull you close. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please.”

Your third kiss was completely different, filled with fervor and desire. He pulled you impossibly close, his hands scrunching up the material of your blouse as he tried to taste as much of you as possible, tongue diving into your mouth. He groaned lowly when your hands tugged at his dark locks, making you smirk against his lips, and you did it again. “Mm… baby… You don't know what you're doing to me,” he muttered, his lips ghosting over yours.

“I want you, Jisung. I need you, please.”

“I can't deny my girlfriend when she asks so nicely, hm?” He pressed one more kiss on your lips. And then another, while you navigated clumsily to your bedroom. “God, I've been wanting to fuck you since I saw you in the dress at the party,” he spoke hotly, gaining your skin once you were in the room, peppering kisses along your jaw and down your neck. You let out a sigh, tilting your head to give him better access when you felt his teeth graze your skin. “So pretty.”

“Want you to fuck me too, every time you come here...” You said, your voice breathy as he left a mark at the junction of your neck and collarbones.

“Yeah? You've been thinking about me, baby?”

“Every night,“ you admitted, embarrassment bubbling up inside you when you saw the smirk plastered across his face. “It's not my fault!”

“I know, I know, I'm irresistible,” he said with a laugh and kissed your jaw. “I can't deny that I've been thinking about you too.” His warm breath fanning across the side of your neck sent a shiver down your spine. “A lot of R-rated thoughts. Maybe I could show you.”

“I think I'd like that.”

He smiled, kissing you on your lips deeply one last time before his fingers hooked underneath your top. “Can I?” With your nod of consent, he slowly lifted the fabric off of you, and it fell onto the floor. You could see his pupils dilate as he took in your freshly uncovered skin, which made heat pool between your legs. Every touch of his hands across your supple skin and every feathery kiss of his lips made your mind go more and more hazy, even though he hadn't even touched you that much. He tentatively gave your breast a squeeze over your bra, making you inhale sharply. He did it again, rolling his thumb over your nipple. 

You hadn't even noticed his other hand on your back until he unhooked your bra and it fell down. A red tinge formed on your face as Jisung practically drooled at the sight of you half naked, his mouth latching onto your nipples while one of his hands toyed with the other and his left trailing down your body to your ass, squeezing the flesh, making you meal. Your knees buckled as his tongue swirled around your bud, nipping at the delicate flesh. He did the same to the other side, drawing more and more quiet gasps from you.

It wasn't before long; both of you were naked and lying on the bed, him giving open-mouthed kisses sloppily along your skin while his fingers toyed with your entrance, making you moan and arch off the bed. He sliced you open, preparing you for the next step—the one thing you've been wanting for weeks.

“So wet already.”

“All for you.”

“All for me, hm?” He repeated. “I need to fuck you, baby. Been dying to feel you,” he said with a groan, kissing between the valley of your breasts, your heart thundering in your ribcage as he guided you to spread your legs. “Are you ready, love?” You nodded, unable to speak, feeling his heavy cock press against your inner thigh. He aligned himself with your cunt before pushing in slowly, letting your snug walls adjust to him as he sank deeper and deeper, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, until he was fully inside. It was too much and too little all at the same time. A peck on your forehead brought you back, and you signaled for him to start moving.

It was mind-blowing; the sensuality of his thrusts made your breath hitch. Soon, your moans filled the room in symphony with his groans and whimpers as your walls sucked him in more and more, drinking in his soul. His head hung over his shoulders, hair falling over your skin as he kept thrusting into you over and over again, making your toes curl as he repeatedly brushed against that spot inside you that made your mind go blank. 

“Fuck, you're so tight,” he grunted. “So fucking tight, so good for me.” You moaned in response, hands clawing at his back, needing something to ground you to this world as he drove you to greater heights.

“Shit, Jisung—” You could feel your orgasm approaching, the band in your belly coiling tighter and tighter.

“I've got you, baby,” he muttered, closing the gap between the both of you again, swallowing your moans as he moved harder, determined to make you cum around him. “Cum for me.” His words were the last push you needed to tumble off the edge, your body merging into him as you came on his cock. You could feel overstimulation kick in as he kept moving inside you, making you whine and dig your nails into his back.

“I'm not done yet.” And within a second, you were flipped onto your stomach, your ass jutted out, and he sank back into again, a loud moan coming from both of you. His movements were much less coordinated from before, more jerky and hasty as he chased his own high while trying to bring you to yours once more. His fingers found your clitoral area, rubbing harsh circles on the bundle of nerves as he drilled into you. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he cursed underneath his breath, feeling your walls clench even tighter around you. "Babe—baby, I need you to cum with me, please.” He gasped when you tightened instinctively at his words. “Come on, love.”

The way he could be so sweet and yet so dirty in the way he spoke while he was fucking you from behind, your face pressed into your pillows, muffling the loud moans reverberating in your throat, turned you on even more. You reached your peak once again, from the combined actions of his fingers on your clitoral area and his tip bruising against your spot inside you, clamping down on him as you released, triggering his own orgasm. His hot seed filled you to the brim, and he gave a few last strokes before pulling out his softening dick and letting both of you catch your breath.

After cleaning up, you laid side by side, your breathing still uneven like you ran a marathon. Curled up against his side, you let your body calm down, his arm around you to hold you close as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear, brushing the hair out of your face and looking at you with tired eyes and a lovesick smile.

“I'll take you out on a proper date, and then we'll go back to my place, and I'll fuck you in my bed as many times as you want me to,” he promised quietly. “I'll take you wherever you want to go; just stay by my side, okay?”

“I'll always stay by your side. I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/n.” You lifted your head up to kiss his forehead, watching his grin widen, and he squeezed you in his arms. “Yeah, I'm so in love with you,” he said with a giggle. 

Now you could put your mind to rest, knowing you both had really good bed chem as well.

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©hanjsquokka | copying, translating or republishing my work is strictly prohibited

[theamazingmuse]

How to always look neat

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─

THIS IS ALL IN THE DETAILS. When I say neat, I mean if you are late and you still wanna look good, without many effort.

Iron your clothes. You have to do it. Sometimes it's exhausting but this looks so good once you did it. Especially if you wear blouses ! Iron clothes look cleannnnn

Next hair. It's all about you. Make sure to take care of them, no matter which texture you have. Caucasian, natural, long, short...Hair is an essential part. Make sure to know which hairstyle is good for your face too.

Teeth / breath: when you talk this the first thing that we notice. Have a good smell, use a good toothpaste and a good toothbrush. It is recommended to change your toothbrush (classic) every 3 months.

-> Moreover, if you smell bad from the mouth nobody is gonna tell you lol.

Your face. Especially your eyes and mouth. Keep a lip balm or a gloss in your bag. I really like gloss. Also mascara can make a huge difference, even if you wear nothing on. If you wanna put some makeup, make sure it is the good undertone.

There are many undertones no matter what your skin color is. You're not necessary warm if you are black for exemple. I struggled a lot with that to find out that I'm a neutral. So take your time to know that. It's gonna look so smooth after, like your skin.

-> How can I not say the brows. It is what structure your face.

Nails. It's all about you #2. I think that nails represent our personality. I really like dark red WITH an almond shape. For now, I make my nails grow because I can't with fake anymore. It means that there is only a strengthener. Keep them clean even when there is nothing on. Accessoiries. Necklace, belts, earrings, bag, you already know this part

Last but not least PERFUME. Now the perfume is the icing on the cake. It has to be a blend with your outfit

-> For an office siren look, you're not going to wear something floral. Something more woody/strong would be good. If you wear a pink dress with ribbon, you're gonna wear something more feminine. I think that many people don't understand that

+ note expert: I highly recommend you to find your signature scent. Something that represent YOU, that you can wear everyday. Go at Sephora and smell everything. Then find what you like (especially notes) and write them. Here is three perfume that me, the antagonist would recommend

Scandal - La belle Intense. INTENSE. People always forget the INTENSE when I tell them. Every time I get compliments from men and women (and this is not my signature scent by the way). Trust me one this one, if you like gourmand, vanilla perfume. Perfect for winter

Maison Margiela Collection- I really like on a date for this autumn, very woody. This collection is amazing

Acqua di gioia - if you like smelling like laundry this is SAME smell. Very fresh.

I can talk about perfumes everyday so maybe I would make a post with outfit that I like with the perfect perfume . (I have a good style I promise you)

I really like vanilla, woody, strong perfume. I am more in the gourmand, sweet side. I don't like floral perfume.

-> I think I would make a post about perfume that I like in each perfumes family. I have a huge notion table with my harsh perfume opinions 😭

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─

THE END. My mom always told me that I have to look clean before even thinking about be beautiful. It feels so good to be neat.

I love wherever you are

theamazingmuse 🫧

(me and my perfume opinions lmao)

[theninthdoor]

⭒˚｡⋆ 🍓 pac || inside your crush's mind ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆ 🐞

𖦹 think of your crush, take 3 deep breaths and pick one of the piles below! lets see what is/was going through your person’s mind & if you have or ever had a chance with them. 𖦹 take only what resonates. if you feel like the pile you’ve initially picked doesn’t really apply to the person/situation you’re thinking of, it’s OK to pick another one. I'm also leaving some extra messages and keywords at the end of each reading. those may work as confirmation for some people, but if they don't mean anything to you, that doesn't mean that that's not your pile. what you should really take into account is the description I make of the person (your crush) in each pile, and that's how you will know if you have chosen the right or wrong one. please use your discernment. 𖦹 remember that this is all for entertainment purposes and that free will still exists. don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to, just because your person thinks this or that, ok? 𖦹 enjoy, my lovelies!

Pile 1 || ☎️ cards: four of pentacles rx, death rx, knight of pentacles rx, judgement rx, the chariot

not you guys landing on the player's pile… omg So, yeah- Did you ever had a chance? For sure. Anyone would have a chance with this person, I feel like. This is someone who's either constantly in love or just can't stand being alone for too long. Maybe it's just their personality - being extroverted, a connection-seeker, always open to new relationships and whatever experiences come with it -, or perhaps they are simply that charming and the options never end for them. This does feel like someone who's very much a feeler, but maybe not the wisest or yet the most mature in general (or even the most emotionally available!!). For the most part, their relationships feel quite short lived, and mostly based on physical attraction. They may have had one or two longer ones, still (for some people in specific, it feels like your crush may have been in longer-term relationship that was very talked about and known about, and they may still be heavily associated with this ex of theirs). Now, when it comes to their thoughts and feelings towards you: I'm sorry to say it, but I just don't see them having cared or caring too much... They see you quite plainly (if they know you at all); you're just a friend, coworker or acquaintance. Yet, as I said, I feel like you'd definitely still be able to have a chance with them - all you would have to do is take that step towards them and get yourself noticed. Be confident about it! I think that's what attracts them the most to someone, actually: boldness. Flirt a little with them, and see where it leads you… It might not result in the most serious, stable or long lasting relationship of all time, but maybe you'll still get to have a good time together.

⋆ extra messages:

This totally feels straight out of a 2000s coming of age movie, or some rom-com set in high school, with your crush being the popular guy/girl everyone knows and is attracted to lol. Just thought I should add that in.

Milena. Mimi. Mario. Jet-black hair. Affluent neighbourhoods. Family business. Taking acting classes. Ankles/ankle bracelets. Big family event or gathering coming up soon (like a birthday, a wedding, some special holiday…). Talking about or someone's been worrying about frown lines recently. Jennifer. Janet. J surnames. Wearing a lot of orange lately, or having just bought a new orange clothing item. Ash. Ashley.

⋆ channeled song: The Bellamy Brothers - Let Your Love Flow

Pile 2 || 💄 cards: page of wands rx, ten of pentacles rx, knight of pentacles rx, the hermit, seven of wands

So, my sweet pile 2, here we have someone who has, for sure, noticed you before! Seven of Wands + The Hermit at the bottom of the deck = this person would do anything to get to know you a little better and/or to spend more time with you. There's something about the way you are or carry yourself that makes you stand out from other people - or perhaps you're just your crush's type and that's why their eyes are on you... I don't get a whole lot of communication or movement coming from them, so even if they talk to you, it doesn't feel direct; they're not letting you know how they feel; they're not openly flirting with you. This person actually feels very much like a Virgo or Capricorn Moon; logical, careful, slow moving. Once you get them to come of their shell and finally they feel ready to say something, though, you can definitely expect them to be very direct about it. At first they study you, consider the potential of this connection, and then they decide if they should go for it or not. If they do come towards you then, they won't waste any time, again. They're saying, you know… "Hey, let's go out one of these days. I'd like to spend some time with you." or "I really like your vibe. Would you care to go on a date with me, sometime?". It's quite dry and lame actually lol. They're still not flirting, exactly. They're just putting it out there that they're interested and want to explore this connection - again, very direct and logical about the whole thing. (And their flirting skills may actually suck, btw…) In the meantime, they may get closer to you by asking you about your interests, by sitting nearby in class or at lunch, watching your ig stories or something like that. It's the small things, and they're gonna take their sweet time with this. It's not something they are losing their sleep over; it's a case they are studying.

⋆ extra messages:

Is anyone here working or studying in a scientific field? Science feels very relevant. Ron, Rob, R names. Lab coats. Law; rules and regulations. College towns. Planning (or planning on attending) a big Halloween party - and putting a lot of thought into this as of late. Wisconsin. Big 3 Libra placements. Glasgow. Glass working/art. Gallows. Gallows humour. G surnames.

⋆ channeled song: John Legend - All of Me

Pile 3 || 🎧 cards: the chariot, four of swords rx, the magician, ten of swords, queen of wands, two of wands

Listen!!- Pile 3, please go for it!! Even if this doesn't last too long, I think there's great potential here for an absolutely amazing relationship/fling! The chemistry here is just insane… I don't know if it's this person themselves, or if it's actually the result of you two coming together, but I'm feeling HOT. I'm blushing. I'm excited. There's just so much passion here! I think this person is a smooth talker; not necessarily the most extroverted or talkative, but when they do talk to you, you can't help it but feel absolutely charmed. They are good-looking, smart, polite. I get a very venusian vibe coming them. They may put a lot of effort into how they look, not by vanity but because they genuinely like to take care of themselves + find it unmannerly to go out looking like a mess.

As for what's on their mind, my dear pile 3, I have good news for you! They have noticed you and thought about you before, and everything's very positive. They find you attractive, interesting, and a great catch, really. It also seems like they may have heard quite a bit about you (coming from others), and whatever was said gave them a very good impression on you, so even if you're not that well acquainted, they hold you in high regard already. However, with this 2oW, I feel like they may have other options, and if you don't make it clear that you want to explore a relationship with them, the opportunity might just pass you by. I actually don't see them making that move themselves, I'm sorry… There are other things/people holding their attention at the moment and for the foreseeable future. Still, The Strength rx + Queen of Cups at the bottom of the deck = the potential is here, and so is the chemistry I was talking about. Once you get this started, there's no stopping it! You'll be pulled in and taken on the most amazing ride.

⋆ extra messages:

E names. Emily. Emmett. Emerson. Soccer/football. Lia/Leah. India. Indya. I + IY/YI names. 2016 being a significant year - moving, meeting, Instagram following. June. Born on the 6th of the month. History. Brown hair and green eyes. Hazel eyes. Hazelnut. German family or travelling to Germany. Studying architecture or building architectural models. Learning french.

⋆ channeled song: Rihanna - Love On The Brain

Pile 4 || ♣️ cards: justice rx, page of cups rx, five of cups, page of pentacles rx, eight of pentacles

There's something very sad about this person and this pile. Your crush may have been or may be going through a difficult period, yet I feel like they've been doing their best to hide it. They laugh a lot, smile all day, joke around, but on the inside they are going through something that has been bringing them down. I think they feel lost, confused, alone. Maybe it's a family matter (like a divorce or some kind of separation), or perhaps it's just that, for some reason, they are now being forced to leave their home, friends and/or family, and it just hasn't been easy to them to accept and deal with that. There's a loss of stability here, and a loss of community. It could've happened already, too, by the way - they may already be in separation from their loved ones or away from the place they were used to calling home. On a positive note, I feel like this is temporary and they'll recover soon. It's just a low point for them. Also, they may be dealing with some concerns regarding their future and where to go next (professionally, academically, etc.), and that only adds to it all. As for the two of you, my dear pile 3, it seems like right now just isn't the right moment for anything to happen here. You can offer them friendship, some comfort, advice, support, but that's about it, I believe. This person has a lot to figure out at the moment, on their own, and whatever they have to offer you doesn't seem to be exactly what you need or want, deep down. It would lead to heartbreak, most likely. Still, this feels so sweet and so warm. So, maybe, you should give it some time and then give it a try… Because, honestly, I do think this person has some good feelings for you (or could grow some good feelings for you, if you aren't yet acquainted). They may not know what those are exactly, but I still think something really good could bloom from this.

⋆ extra messages:

A names. Adam. Adrienne. Greenland. Finland. Art class. Discussing or studying politics. Georgia. G names. Galicia. Meeting or seeing their father/father figure for the 1st time, or their father being mentioned in conversation a lot. Surgery. Torn ankle or some other leg/foot injury. Mockingbird. Buzzcut. Red nail polish.

⋆ channeled song: Billie Eilish - Bored

deck used || Tarot of the New Vision

(Disclaimer: Based on current energies. All is alleged and for entertainment purposes only.)

[shuaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Enemies to lovers?

part 1

2.1k words~

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

You were part of an exclusive club in your college with 13 others. Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Joshua, Junhui, Soonyoung, Wonwoo, Jihoon, Minghao, Mingyu, Seokmin, Seungkwan, Hansol and Chan. You're close to everyone, except one. Jeonghan. He was a pain in the ass, he loved teasing you and getting on your nerves. You both loved bickering a lot and getting into unnecessary fights with each other. It happened often that the others were used to it. You guys were going on a trip to the beach as y'all managed to collect the club money and stuff.

All of y'all agreed to meet outside the college in the morning with your luggage. You were the second person to arrive outside the college after Jeonghan. You saw him and rolled your eyes, he didn't notice you as his eyes were glued to his phone. You adjusted your tote bag on your shoulder that was filled with your necessities and dragged your luggage to where Jeonghan was standing. "You're surprisingly early." you said to Jeonghan, not looking at him. Jeonghan eyes moved from his phone screen to you, taking in the view that was next to him. "I'm surprised you even showed up. Damn.. your outfit.." Jeonghan let out a whistle. You were wearing a white dress adorned with a playful cherry print. It has a fitted bodice with a gathered bust and thin adjustable straps. The waist is cinched, leading to a flared, short skirt that moves lightly with each step. You glared at him and took a step away from him, waiting for the others to come.

What seemed like 10 years (it was only 10 mins) all of y'all finally gathered up. "Is everyone ready to leave? The bus will be here in 2 minutes. Don't leave anything behind because this is a 3 hour trip, we won't be stopping for anything." said Seungcheol, the president of the club. Everyone nodded and talked amongst themselves while waiting for the bus. While you were scrolling through your phone, Joshua approached you. "You look really good in that dress" he complimented. You smiled "aw thanks Shua, you look really good in that outfit as well". As you were conversing with Joshua, from the corner of your eye you saw Jeonghan glaring at you both, which you found really weird but you shrugged it off.

After a while, the bus arrived. "Everyone settle down please" Seungcheol spoke, getting everyone's attention. "For this trip, everyone has a partner assigned to them. So wherever you go, you'll have to bring that person with you. So I'll announce everyone's name." Everyone turned to look at Seungcheol, "first up, Seungkwan and Hansol, Chan and I, Soonyoung and Jihoon, Seokmin and Joshua, Mingyu and Wonwoo, Jeonghan and Y/N." Seungcheol announced everyone's one partner. Everyone was satisfied except for Jeonghan and you. "Seungcheol, why would you do this to me?" You grumbled. Jeonghan rolled his eyes "just shut up and deal with it" he tsked, you glared at him before before groaning. "Okay enough, everyone get in the bus and sit next to your partner." Seungcheol ordered everyone.

The bus finally took off after everyone settled down in their seats next to their partners. your seat was placed all the way at the back, you were sulking because you still had to sit with Jeonghan. "You look stupid while sulking" Jeonghan who was already seated spoke, not looking up from his phone. "Shut up" you rolled your eyes and sat down on the seat next to him. "Seungcheol I'll never forgive you for this" you mumbled to yourself

For once Jeonghan wasn't actually bothering you, he was just minding his own business while listening to music. You decided to listen to some music too but your dumbass forgot to bring your earphones. "Could this day get any worse" you grumbled. Jeonghan eyes diverted to your devastated state, he scoffed "what happened now?" He asked, pausing his music and taking out one side of his earphones. "I left my earphones at home" you groaned, burying your head into your hands. Before Jeonghan could say anything, someone beat him to it. "Y/n, are you okay?" asked Mingyu, you shook your head "I left my earphones at home" you pouted. "Oh, wait let me check if I brought my spare-" "just share mine" Jeonghan cut mingyu off and placed the earphone he had in his hand into your ear. "but I don't listen to-" you tried speaking "just search up your playlist, I listen to anything" Jeonghan said nonchalantly as he passed you his phone. You were caught off guard by his behavior but brushed it off. You searched up your playlist and played it, you passed him his phone back. He hummed and looked out the window.

An hour passed and y'all were still on the road. You were getting sleepy, you tried resting against the seats but the road was bumpy and it was so uncomfortable. Jeonghan noticed and made you lay your head on his shoulder. Your eyes widened, you looked at him "what are you doing?" you asked. "Just shut up and sleep, you look like a zombie" he made you lay your head on his shoulder again. You wanted to say something but you were too tired, so you just kept quiet and rested on his shoulder. The music was still playing through the earphones and you dozed off on his shoulder. He looked over at your sleeping state and he felt his heart skip a beat, why was he feeling like this? Don't you both hate each other? Jeonghan's mind was flooded with all those thoughts. He brushed them off and laid his head on yours, slowly falling asleep.

Seungcheol walked up to both of your seats cause he wanted to ask Jeonghan a question. "Jeong-" he paused as he saw you both sleeping on each other's head. Seungcheol smiled and brought out his phone to take a picture of you both. He smiled as his plan worked, he made you both sit together so that y'all would get along. Seungcheol decided not to disturb you both and went back to his seat.

You slowly stirred in your sleep and looked around you, your eyes widened as you saw Jeonghan leaning on you. You shrieked and pushed his head a bit too hard resulting in him hitting his head against the window. Everyone turned their attention to you both. "What the fuck was that for?" Jeonghan asked as he rubbed his head, groaning. "Why were you resting on me?!" "I didn't realise, I was too tired. It's not a big deal." "It is a big deal!" You slightly raised your voice. "How is it a big deal? Besides I allowed you to share my earphones and lay your head on my shoulder" he looked at you with his eyebrows raised. You tried to say something but you just ended up turning red and kept quiet. Jeonghan smirked to himself as he saw your state.

"How long is it gonna take till we reach there?" Soonyoung asked, impatiently. "We'll reach there in 1 and a half hour time" Seungcheol yelled from the front seat. You groaned and slouched back into your seat. The music was still playing through his earphones that you were wearing. You looked over at Jeonghan who was sleeping peacefully, the sunlight glowing onto his flawless face. You couldn't help yourself but to just touch his nose. (Idk why but his nose is JUST so cute AHAHSJSSHSHSH) Jeonghan flinched and woke up, you were caught red handed.

Jeonghan looked at you with his eyebrow raised "mind explaining?" "Uh..." You trailed off, your face turned red in embarrassment. "I'm sorry" you said with your head down. He made you look at him by lifting your head with his finger "why are you sorry? You should explain why you touched my nose." He said in a slightly cocky tone. You were speechless, your face and ears were turning red. He noticed your flustered state and smirked, tucking your stray hairs behind your ear "you look like those cherries on your dress" he chuckled "you know, you're actually really cute but I don't know why you hate me" Jeonghan spoke, removing earphones from both yours and his ear.

You thought you misheard him, but no. "what..?" Your voice came out in a whisper. "You heard me right" Jeonghan says, maintaining eye contact with you.

He noticed that the bus was going into a tunnel. He looked around the bus to see if anyone was looking at y'all, but everyone was paying attention to other things or sleeping. "Fuck it" Jeonghan mumbles, you furrowed your eyebrows. The bus went into the tunnel, making your surroundings dark and you felt something on your lips. You froze. Yoon Jeonghan, the guy you apparently hate was kissing you.

You don't know what got into you but you kissed him back, closing your eyes. You must've caught him off guard by doing that. Jeonghan pulled away from the kiss as the bus got out of the tunnel, light filling the bus again. Jeonghan smirked as he brought his thumb to your lip "your lipstick smudged" he wiped the excess lipstick with his thumb. You let out a small squeak before hiding yourself into your hands.

"어? 부끄럽냐? You didn't seem shy when you kissed me back" Jeonghan whispered into your ear. You smacked his arm before hiding yourself into your hands again. "Ah" he rubbed the spot you hit. Throughout the whole ride, Jeonghan kept teasing you.

"Guys wake up, we're already here!" Seungcheol alerted everyone. You grabbed your bags and sprinted out off the bus. Jeonghan chuckled as he grabbed his bags as well. "Did you do something?" Seokmin asked Jeonghan. Jeonghan ran his fingers through his hair while smirking "nah nothing, may or may not have kissed her." "wHat-"

"Okay everyone gather up and stand next to your partner please" Seungcheol spoke. Jeonghan stood next to you, you took a small step away from him. He just smirked and turned his attention to Seungcheol. Seungcheol started announcing everyone's room number, "Jeonghan and Y/n, room 1004." You and Jeonghan nodded. "You all can go settle down in your rooms now, later at 6pm everyone has to gather up at the beach" Seungcheol dismissed all of y'all.

The walk to your room was silent, you were struggling to roll your luggage because of your goddamn tote bag that won't stay in place. You groaned as you adjusted the bag one last time, it was no use. Jeonghan looked over at you, one of his hands in his pocket as he dragged his suitcase. "Need help?" He asked. "No, I'm fine" you adjusted your tote bag again. "I know you're independent but you're clearly struggling" "let me be independent" Jeonghan snatches your luggage from you and dragged it with his, walking to your room. "hEy-" you caught up to him "you don't have to help" "shut up" "ok"

You both reached the room that was assigned to you both. You unlocked the door with the card given, your jaw dropped. "There's only one bed" "what". You entered the room and so did Jeonghan, you closed the door behind. "I'm gonna ambush Seungcheol." You threatened "I honestly don't mind sharing" Jeonghan spoke as he placed yours and his luggage aside. You raised your eyebrow "no it's okay, I'll sleep on the couc-"

"no"

"what do you me-"

"no"

"Stop cutting me of-"

"no, we're sharing the bed and that's final."

You rolled your eyes "fine, whatever."

"I'm gonna shower first" you said, getting out your towel from your luggage. Jeonghan hummed as he laid on the bed, using his phone. You went into the bathroom, closing the door behind you.

Jeonghan kept his phone down as he heard the shower running, he placed his arm over his forehead. He was thinking about the kiss you both shared, he couldn't help but smile. Damn, he wanted to kiss you again. He was too deep into his thoughts and didn't realize that you were calling out to him. When you came out of the bathroom, You were wearing a cream coloured dress which had lavenders on it, the dress had bow-tie straps and slightly exposed your cleavage.

Jeonghan looked up at the sound of the bathroom door opening and immediately his eyes widened, noticing the dress you were wearing and how good you looked in it. He stayed quiet for a few seconds, until you yelled out his name and told him to shower, “A-ah yeah I’ll do that now….” He said as he quickly got up from the bed, trying to hide how flustered he was, trying to keep his cool as he walked into the bathroom. He got into the shower and tried to push away the images of you.

[branules]

Why do you like aeriseph, sorry if this comes off as rude but I'm generally not too involved in any fandoms so I can't figure out for myself why ppl like this that's just my dumbass lmao

ok i've sat on this one for like a week debating if i should answer or not but sure. i'll preface this by saying that there is no canonical basis for aeriseph in ffvii. like i can't stress enough how much i am making shit up because i like to have fun. but anyway.

the short answer is:

1. sephiroth and aerith are my two favorite fictional characters. 2. i like to draw my two favorite characters lezzing out, because i am a lesbian, and because my sephiroth is transfem. it makes me smile.

as for the longer answer:

i like how much aerith and sephiroth parallel and contrast each other. i like the idea of aerith of having a secret affair with the evil dead woman she is duty-bound to save the world from. not to mention this evil dead woman's ties to zack and the incident that took him from her. i like the idea of the planet's steward and calamity's child going against their natures because they can't resist each other, and it becomes haunting and tragic knowing aerith's eventual fate and the sort of eternal damnation that waits for sephiroth afterwards for doing something so unforgivable, considering she goes from godhood to immortal planet parasite unable to pass on. i find it soooo compelling to think that despite their feelings for each other, aerith ultimately loved the planet and her friends more, enough to do everything in her power to stop sephiroth with Holy, and that sephiroth chose an extraterrestrial brainworm masquerading as a mother over a kind-hearted woman who offered her genuine love. i like the idea of aerith drawing out all the human parts of sephiroth that sephiroth tried so hard to exorcise herself of. i could go on about this for forever but basically i just like doomed yuri.

some necessary addendums:

first, a lot of people like to imagine aerith and sephiroth as siblings. that's fine and cute and i totally get it, but that's not what i'm trying to do. i don't interact with a lot of aerith and sephiroth content that views them with that angle, even if it's cute, precisely because i don't want to cross those wires or make anyone uncomfortable thinking i'm trying to come at this from an incest or underage angle.

second, i want to add that i really don't fw the other aeriseph content i've seen out there lol. i just think i'm into aeriseph for fundamentally different reasons, considering i have no desire to depict them as a het pairing or create gooner noncon content and the like. it isn't that i'm better than anyone, i just don't want to be associated with what goes on in that pairing tag on ao3, and i can't blame anyone who doesn't like aeriseph for that very same reason. i have yet to see someone go about aeriseph in the same l way as i do (sighhhhhh </3) so until then i'm just going to continue playing with my barbie dolls in my locked ivory tower. i am delusional but i am free. hope this helps <3

[evewasheretoday]

Veronica was friends with Heather.

Well, friends wouldn't exactly be the word she would use to describe their relationship. Acquaintances, maybe? No— It was more like they were business partners.

But recently, Veronica felt like something changed between them and she didn't know what exactly.

Heather was still Heather. She was almighty, bitchy and demonic same as ever.

But something about the way Heather looked at her lately made her feel off. Like someone had replaced her friend (if you could even call them that) with a stranger.

Because not only had Veronica felt something change between them, Heather hasn't been acting exactly like herself for weeks now.

She hadn't shouted at Heather Duke for the smallest of things. She hadn't mocked any of Heather McNamara's lovey-dovey thoughts about Ram. And hell, she hadn't complained that much about Martha or JD for a few days now!

And while it would seem like a blessing or a miracle for most - like maybe a sign of Heather fucking Chandler having an actual beating human heart inside of her or so.

Veronica did not believe any of that.

No, something was definitely up.

I mean, It was almost as if Heather had become... someone else.

Which comes to this very moment right now.

“Okay, Heather.” Veronica took a deep breath before continuing. “Did you hit your head on a croquet mallet or have you genuinely decided to join the ranks of the decent human beings? I need answers.”

“If this is a ploy to annoy me before breakfast, congratulations, it's working.“ Heather sighed.

“Did your evil twin take a vacation? Did you get abducted by aliens?” Okay, Veronica knows she shouldn't be questioning these types of things but she wouldn't know anything if she didn't ask about it. Besides that, what if SOMETHING did happen to Heather? “Because as far as I know, the Heather I know doesn't do nice.” Veronica added.

“I don't know what game you're playing, Veronica.” Heather glared at her. “But I'm not in the mood for it.”

“Ah.”

“So fuck off.”

Heather shut the door before the brunette could say anything else.

“Did she read a self-help book or did she finally realize that being a jerk isn't a sustainable life strategy?”

“I heard that, Sawyer!!”

And with that, Veronica started to run as far as she could away from Heather's house.

[icewindandboringhorror]

finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh

[maya-matlin]

What are all of your favorite and least favorite Degrassi episodes and why?

🤯🤯🤯

But seriously, I'm not sure where to start. :p I don't think I could possibly go into much detail about why I like or dislike all the episodes, but I'll try.

Degrassi Junior High season 1:

Favorites:

(1) The Cover-Up: good introduction to Rick, the first serious Degrassi plot, the first time Joey (one of my favorite characters) isn't the worst

(2) The Great Race: strong message about sexism in sports, Snake and Melanie play bigger roles for the first time

(3) Rumor Has It: Caitlin questions her sexuality and it's miles ahead of what the Next Class writers tried to do with Grace, surprisingly progressive for its time

(4) Best Laid Plans: It's basically The Mating Game but slightly better, the Yick and Arthur subplot with Swamp Sex Robots is funny

(5) It's Late: Spike gets pregnant and the arc paves the way for TNG and beyond

(6) Parent's Night: I like seeing Wheels' conflict with wanting to know his biological father and yet feeling disloyal to his adoptive parents, continuation of Spike's pregnancy arc, the beginning of Zit Remedy

Least favorites:

(1) The Experiment: Yick and Arthur were never that interesting when they had to carry a main plot, but the story probably should have focused more on Yick who was low key being bullied by Raditch

(2) Nothing to Fear: LD isn't one of my favorite characters and for whatever reason, this story line wasn't super interesting to me. The subplot is literally a snake being loose in the school and the awkwardness of Snake the character having that nickname.

(3) Revolution: Underwhelming finale that gets kind of flashback heavy towards the end, Stephanie doesn't undergo much character growth in season 2 making it kind of pointless

Degrassi Junior High season 2:

Favorites:

(1) Eggbert: follow up to Spike's pregnancy and a lot of Shane/Spike interaction with him starting to become a more well rounded character

(2) A Helping Hand: Lucy gets a lot more development, Wheels and LD back Lucy up 100% and are very supportive after she's sexually abused

(3) Great Expectations: I don't even like Liz, but I like the message about assuming things based on how a person dresses or presents themselves. Joey kind of sucks in this episode, but he's also entertaining and still oddly lovable. I like the subplot with Arthur's wet dreams.

(4) Dinner and a Show: focus on Shane who is a very underrated character with him wanting to assert himself while being held back by domineering parents

(5) Bottled Up: I like the main plot with Kathleen dealing with her mother's alcoholism. You start to see why she is the way she is without it necessarily excusing her prior bad behavior. Plus, Rick/Kathleen. It should have been a thing.

(6) Trust Me: Joey, Wheels and Snake spend the whole episode hanging out and it's great

(7) He's Back: Follow up to Lucy's story line with Susie now being a victim of Mr. Colby with the only real downside being that we never see the resolution

(8) Pass Tense: Spike goes into labor, Joey is forced to repeat a grade which leads to a lot of character growth and getting together with Caitlin

Least favorites:

(1) Fight: just kind of underwhelming and forgettable even though it's the first time we see Dwayne who ends up being one of my favorites in the last season of Degrassi High

(2) Sealed with a Kiss: It's fine. It's another mostly forgettable episode. I like Erica and Heather as characters, but most of their plots did nothing for me aside from A New Start.

(3) Dog Days: I just feel like Stephanie's depression felt kind of.. cliché and not a very believable depiction. When you think about how characters like Cam, Maya and even Ashley at times were written, it stands out.

Degrassi Junior High season 3:

Favorites:

(1) Can't Live with 'Em: One of the most tragic, depressing episodes of the entire franchise. Wheels was never the same after this.

(2) A Big Girl Now: I don't even know. Lucy is one of my favorites, so most of her episodes were great. She finally gets rid of shitty Paul only for it to be revealed he lied about sleeping with her.

(3) Loves Me, Loves Me Not: JAITLIN. It's the true beginning of them, and Joey was an idiot for overlooking Caitlin for Liz.

(4) Food for Thought: Kathleen's eating disorder story line was really well done. I wish more had been done with it, but I at least like Kathleen initially refusing help because it's realistic.

(5) Twenty Bucks: More Jaitlin. Snake and Melanie are cute. Shane makes the decision to spend his money on concert tickets rather than giving Spike child support which leads to his accident.

(6) Taking Off: More Wheels angst over his parents' deaths, Shane jumps/falls off a bridge and ends up with a lifelong disability; I'm basically recapping the story lines but basically it's a very significant episode that has a massive effect on the characters' futures

(7) Black and White: Degrassi tackles racism for the first time. Michelle's parents are painfully realistic when claiming they "don't see race" but that people should "stick with their own kind". BLT and Michelle were great and deserved SO much better.

(8) Bye-Bye Junior High: Honestly, most of this show's season finales aren't heavy hitter episodes compared to a lot of TNG's. But because they usually wrap the season into a nice bow, I still like them for sentimental reasons. That being said, the school literally burns down in this one, so there's that. Jaitlin <3 Spike explodes due to feeling overwhelmed by teen motherhood. I wish we'd seen more of that because for such an important character, she was surprisingly pushed into the background more often than not.

Least favorites:

(1) Season's Greetings: It's a clip show about Yick and Arthur. I watch this one once a year around the holidays and it never gets better. Holiday is the superior Christmas episode.

(2) Star-Crossed: It's fine. It's definitely not a bad episode, but none of the story lines hold my interest all that much. I don't care about Clutch getting together with any of the girls.

(3) Making Whoopee: Arthur isn't a main plot type of character. It sucks that his dad broke up with his girlfriend, but we never see him again and don't have any reason to be invested in this family.

Degrassi High season 1:

Favorites:

(1) A New Start: It's one of Degrassi's strongest season premieres. Overall, I probably liked Erica's abortion story line best out of all of them. There seemed to be more fallout from what happened compared to someone like Manny whose abortion aftermath basically couldn't be mentioned again due to Accidents Will Happen being banned in America. Plus, I think the show did a really good job introducing the new Degrassi High set and establishing it quickly after three years in Junior High.

(2) Everybody Wants Something: The Zits make a music video. Joey and Caitlin broke up which hurts me, but provided good angst. I don't even know. This one's iconic and probably the first episode I think of when I think of OG Degrassi.

(3) Nobody's Perfect: I loved Kathleen's abuse story line. Out of all the abuse story lines, this more felt the most.. intense? Gritty? I'm not sure. Scott was probably the most believable abusive boyfriend of all of them which is probably low key because the actor turned out to be a real life predator and therefore had bad vibes all along. Plus, Jaitlin breakup aftermath.

(4) Sixteen: Michelle becomes more independent and starts living on her own. I just love Michelle, so I enjoyed this story line. I think this is also the episode where Joey and Snake were in driver's ed, which was fun.

(5) Testing One, Two, Three: Joey finds out he has a learning disability. More definitely could have been done with that, but Joey was one of my favorites and I liked seeing him come to terms and kind of get the help he needed from Caitlin. Also, Jaitlin <3 Caitlin breaks Claude's nose, which I kind of love. There's also a fun subplot with most of the class attempting to cheat on the test.

Least favorites:

(1) Dream On: This is another Arthur episode. I don't care about his crush on Caitlin. Caitlin also kind of sucks in this one because she's basically cheating on Joey and yet using Arthur to do it. Not my favorite.

(2) Natural Attraction: I don't dislike this one, but it was definitely a choice to focus the aftermath on Erica's abortion during the second half of the season on Heather. I don't doubt that Heather was struggling, but I'm not that interested in seeing a pro life person's trauma over her sister's abortion.

(3) Stressed Out: This was a forgettable finale. It focuses on Caitlin's relationship with Ms. Avery, but that dynamic faded away for the most part after season 1. So I'm less invested. Michelle is also randomly abusing caffeine pills, something that mostly comes across as awkward and poorly written.

Degrassi High season 2:

Favorites:

(1) Bad Blood: Lots of character development for Dwayne. It has a very strong A plot. I love that this kind of solidifies the eventual friendship between Joey and Dwayne, one of my favorite dynamics from OG Degrassi.

(2) Crossed Wires: I'm not the biggest Liz fan, but finding out her back story is heartbreaking. While I do think more could have been done with the revelation that she was survivor, I liked that we saw her begin to heal. Alex and Tessa were cute together. There's a nice Joey/Dwayne subplot.

(3) The All Nighter: It's hard to explain why I like this episode. Kathleen's character progression was really interesting. She experienced so much trauma through the years and yet you kind of forget how much of that was supposed to a secret or something that only Melanie knew. Melanie exposing Kathleen's secrets was really dramatic and just sad. This episode had one of Degrassi's more realistic portrayals of weed. The subplot with the boys playing poker was fun. It also birthed my Luke/Arthur crackship that no one likes except me. I feel like Next Class tried to do something similar with #HugeButTrue, but it wasn't nearly as good.

(4) Home Sweet Home: Ugh, Wheels. He finally hits rock bottom (at least prior to the movie) and slowly starts to redeem himself after going on a downward trajectory throughout the High years. This might be the episode where Michelle moves home? There's a similar plot with Caitlin that happens around the same time, so I'm never 100% sure if the Michelle plot happens in the this episode and Caitlin's in the next or vice versa. Anyways.

(5) Showtime: Claude kills himself and everyone is affected by it. It was a controversial choice to make the suicide victim someone so unlikable, but in this case I think it really worked. In the end, once you're gone, it's all about the people you leave behind. We see hints of that with Claude's friend, Joanne, who isn't a major character. Then obviously, Caitlin is forced to deal with a lot of mixed emotions. Plus, Jaitlin. <3 Snake gets a rare dramatic plot after finding Claude's body.

(6) One Last Dance: This is another sentimental favorite. Nothing huge happens for the most part, but it's the official end of the series. Joey and Caitlin finally get back together. Dwayne reveals his HIV positive status with his character growth finally being complete. It's just a nice episode.

Least favorites:

(1) Loyalties: This one's just kind of underwhelming. I hated that BLT and Michelle had to break up and that one day, BLT seemingly didn't care about Michelle. I feel like Michelle was treated really unfairly during that, so I wasn't happy to Simon and Alexa so flippant about Michelle's feelings. Snake/Michelle were cute, but I wasn't that invested in them.

(2) Extracurricular Activities: This one felt like a filler episode. Mostly, I found everyone except Bronco annoying in this one. Why is a supposed well known band filming a music video at Degrassi?

(3) Three's a Crowd: This is petty, but I like Snake/Spike more than Snake/Michelle and Tessa/Alex over Tessa/Yick so I'm disappointed those ships lost out. Overall, it's basically a relationship/love triangle episode and I'm not a fan.

Bonus: School's Out: There's no real category for this one because it aired like a year after the second season. But needless to say, I mostly love it. It's iconic and unforgettable. No one will ever forget "You were fucking Tessa Campanelli,", the Joey/Caitlin/Tessa triangle and Wheels KILLING A KID. I love TNG and the later Degrassi years, but the show had a tendency to conclude character arcs with hopeful endings rather than blowing apart people's lives in pretty depressing ways. This movie had the kind of ending that sticks with you.

Degrassi TNG season 1:

Favorites:

(1) Mother and Child Reunion: It's a strong series premiere and probably one of my most memorable episodes of the first season. Many characters from the original series return, which is fun. Jaitlin <3 Emma's near rape is horrifying, but it led to a good bonding moment between Emma and Spike that kind of bridged the generations.

(2) Coming of Age: I mostly like this episode for its subplot. Emma gets her first period and after initially feeling some embarrassment and shame, she ends up completely owning it. I definitely didn't know how awesome and significant that was until many years later. Plus, feminist Spike telling off the ice cream creep. It's another thing that hits differently after you become an adult. But I also (mostly) like the Ashley/Jimmy story line. It's interesting how much Ashley values her independence so early on and how that contrasts with her romantic relationships. I feel like this is something that follows her through the years.

(3) Rumours and Reputations: Mostly, I like this one because of how well it incorporates all the characters. There aren't very many episodes that find an excuse to get every character involved in the main plot.

(4) Friday Night: Sean and Emma go on their first date. This is when I'm a fan of their relationship, so it's actually fun to see the beginning of it.

(5) Under Pressure: I pretty much love all of the Sean centric episodes outside of season 6 and this is no exception. I like hearing more of his back story and seeing how his issues over that and his anger cost him Emma.

(6) Jagged Little Pill: Iconic. People shit on Ashley all the time, but this is one of the best finales and she's easily the best part of it. Unpopular opinion, but I always enjoyed Ashley's identity story lines. It was fun seeing her cut loose, even though it ended very badly. Not to mention JT and Toby thinking they're high. Love it.

Least favorites:

(1) Family Politics: This episode is underwhelming after the series premiere. It's kind of a remake of the first episode of Junior High in some ways. It's not a favorite.

(2) Wannabe: As much as I like that this is beginning of Manny separating herself from Emma and feuding with Paige, a lot of this is told from Emma's point of view. The subplot involves multiple characters trying to win a million dollars via Pringles cans. It's a plot that would only ever happen in the first season.

(3) Cabaret: This one is fine. It's probably the episode I like least from this season, but I can't give a good reason why. Maybe that's it. It doesn't inspire anything in me.

Degrassi TNG season 2:

Favorites:

(1) When Doves Cry: This is easily one of the show's strongest premieres. Craig comes in and immediately becomes one of the most complex characters, adding a lot of weight and depth to the show. Joey becomes more involved from here through the next few seasons. It's telling that so many years later, this episode would probably still be in my personal top 10.

(2) Karma Chameleon: Like I said before, I tend to like Ashley plots. It's hard to watch her get so close to gaining everyone's forgiveness only to completely blow it by the end - both for deserved and undeserved reasons. The ending with Ashley crying as her school picture is taken is painfully real. It's the beginning of Ashley's friendship with Ellie, which is super underrated. Paige starts to feel like a more well rounded character rather than just the mean queen bee of the show.

(3) Shout: This is another episode I love primarily for the main plot. Paige is raped, and it's a story line that follows her through the rest of the season, during season 4 when her case finally goes to trial, and again in season 7 when Paige feels violated by Griffin. Lauren Collins is great in this one. PMS singing "Poor Thing" still gets to me. There's classic Jiberty.

(4) Take My Breath Away: This episode is just funny. Obviously, Craig and Manny's differing memories of their date are entertaining to watch. For Manny, it was a fairy tale. For Craig, a nightmare. I'm definitely not a Cranny shipper, but their arc during the first four seasons holds up really well. Their on again/off again relationship brought about a lot of the drama. For better or worse, it all starts here. Craig's rejection kind of forces Manny to grow up and become very preoccupied with male attention, particularly from Craig who she can't seem to move past for multiple seasons. Even though Marco turns out to be gay, his story line with Ellie is very sweet.

(5) Don't Believe the Hype: This episode is so overlooked, but it's a very important one for its time (2002). Degrassi occasionally dealt with internalized bigotry, but typically not when it wasn't involving homophobia. Hazel feels as though she needs to hide the fact she's Muslim due to a previous hate crime committed against her. On the one hand, this episode can be considered a throwaway due to the Degrassi writers never investing in Hazel and outwardly being racist against Andrea Lewis. But because we see so little of Hazel's perspective and that her background is so unique to the show, an episode like this stands out. Much like Rumours and Reputations, every character has a point of view, even if their views can be considered ignorant and hateful. The JT/Liberty sewing plot is also underrated. JT is embarrassed for being good at sewing because of toxic masculinity. I'm not sure this one is quite as good. I mean, the whole thing ends with JT realizing there are perks literally because he now has an excuse to grope his female classmates. But I like the intent behind it. Plus, Jiberty <3

(6) White Wedding: This is another sentimental favorite. Even though I don't ship Semma as much as I used to and aren't even that invested in Snake and Spike, I have fond memories of watching this episode. There's so much going on with Emma being forced to kind of be a mini adult due to the way Spike raised her. So as a result, she does things like tell Snake about Spike's pregnancy before Spike has even decided if she's going to carry it to term. Personally, things work out a little too conveniently, but I still enjoy it. Sean and Emma's kiss at the end of the episode is still impactful even now. Manny is adorable. In the extended cut, Joey and Caitlin make heart eyes at each other and discuss their failed engagement. #JusticeForJaitlin

(7) Careless Whisper: I don't have much to say about this episode. Marco starts his slow coming out journey. It's always interesting to look back at how afraid Marco was to admit the truth when for so much of his run, he's an out and proud gay man. The Marco/Ellie dynamic is great. Their failed relationship paves the way for their strong, soul mate-like friendship.

(8) Message in a Bottle: It's a Sean episode involving his self worth and unfortunately, that's the kind of shit I eat up. That's about it.

(9) Dressed in Black: I don't even care. I love Ashley's independence and the fact she's adamant on being her true self. And unpopular opinion, Jimmy was in the wrong. While he wasn't outwardly trying to change Ashley, he didn't accept the new Ashley and wasn't on her level. Craig is a disaster, but it's not at all hard to see why they were so drawn to each other. Also, baby Crash <3 JT trying to buy extra large condoms. Oh, the foreshadowing.

(10) How Soon Is Now: I can't talk about this episode without mentioning the scene where Paige confronts Dean and vows to take him to court. It was the first Degrassi scene that deeply affected me. I still get chills to this day. We finally start to see Paige healing and moving forward, and it's beautiful to witness. JT is so sweet in this episode and exactly what Paige needs in that moment. Spinner and Paige become a couple. Marco finally comes out. There aren't that many penultimate episodes that are practically on the same level as the finale, but this is one of them.

(11) Tears Are Not Enough: This episode basically bookends Craig's story line in the season premiere. Craig struggles to decide whether or not he wants to let his dad back into his life. Just as he's made the decision to close that door for good, his dad dies. Craig can't win. My brain is mush at this point, but this episode is an emotional rollercoaster. It's great to see people like Joey and Ashley supporting Craig and stepping up when he needs them most. Also, obligatory Jiberty mention because they have a subplot in the first half.

Least favorites:

(1) Mirror in the Bathroom: This is basically an underwhelming episode. I'm glad Degrassi covered male eating disorders and touched on Terri's body image issues, but this one overall isn't a favorite. But honestly, any episode from this season that isn't Relax isn't bottom of the barrel bad.

(2) Hot for Teacher: This is another underwhelming episode. Season 2 is a fairly strong season, so it's only natural that some episodes will come up short. JT's story line with Hatzilakos isn't super memorable. Spinner and Jimmy's honesty pact is pretty funny, though.

(3) Relax: I just don't understand what the writers were trying to do with this episode. I'm kind of convinced they intentionally gave Liberty/Sarah a bad episode so they could justify ignoring her character going forward. They could have given Liberty any story line and chose to put her in a red cape, trying to emulate Napoleon. What the fuck? The subplot just feels mean to me. Paige and Hazel scheme to make Terri believe Paige is dying because she screwed up her palm reading. There's nothing entertaining about this episode.

(4) Fight for Your Right: Another underwhelming episode. My favorite part about it is watching Emma and Snake figure out their new step dad/step daughter relationship, but this is mostly an Emma protest episode. This isn't Mercy Street or Hungry Eyes, so it doesn't get that wild.

Degrassi TNG season 3:

Favorites (season 3 is my favorite season so it's going to be hard not to list practically every episode):

(1) Father Figure: I pretty much like all the episodes that are very connected to the original series. Emma was a really sympathetic during her search to find Shane. I liked that in the end, she was able to accept both her dads into her life. Craig's involvement was great, too. I wish we'd seen more of their friendship.

(2) U Got the Look: Manny's transformation. That is all. She's my favorite character, and this episode really set her on the path she was on for the rest of the series. This was also when Downtown Sasquatch formed, which is my favorite Degrassi band. At this point in the show, Degrassi has fully come into its own.

(3) Pride: Between Marco's coming out and Snake's cancer diagnosis, this episode is incredibly heartbreaking. This is another strong episode where the writers weren't afraid to make one of the main characters the villain. Even though this is Marco's episode, in a lot of ways it's equally about Spinner and how he reacts in all the worst ways when Marco needs his support the most.

(4) Gangsta Gangsta: This is another character transformation episode. While not as consistently written as Manny's, Sean ends up embracing his worst traits and instincts in a misguided attempt to finally belong somewhere. Somehow, he remains sympathetic even though he's kind of the worst in the second half of the episode.

(5) Should I Stay or Should I Go: Craig/Ashley/Manny. All three are messy and feeling strong emotions. All three make questionable choices, particularly Craig and Manny who end up sleeping together when his relationship status with Ashley is up in the air. I hate this episode and love it at the same time. I also really love the subplot with Wheels coming back to support Snake. It's so nice to see his character end on a more positive note after School's Out.

(6) Whisper to a Scream: This episode is beautifully shot. It's almost surprising that such a serious episode wasn't a two parter. The writers managed to introduce Ellie's problems and show her struggles very quickly, yet somehow the ending didn't feel at all rushed. I don't even know. Season 3 is so good. I don't think this season is bad for a single character.

(7) Holiday: This episode always puts me in the mood for the holidays. God, the messiness of all the triangles and Craig's fuckboy ways. I can't handle it. Joey and Caitlin finally get back together and have their sweet moment at the airport. Manny literally has no right to be sympathetic in this and yet my heart always goes out to her. Ashley dumps Craig's ass and takes the guitar back. There's somehow hope that Craig will eventually learn his lesson. Spoiler alert: he didn't. It's a good time.

(8) Accidents Will Happen: How can I not include the episode that was banned in America for the first couple of years? Obviously, Manny gets an abortion. I've read interviews and excerpts that make it clear how important it was for the show to get this story line right. They really fought for Manny's certainty and lack of remorse, and I love it. This is really the turning point for Manny's character in a lot of ways. There's also the tease of Craig's mental health problems that come into play in season 4.

(9) Take on Me: This episode is a lot of fun. I don't even care about the plot, as thin as it is, because I like seeing all the characters interact. The Breakfast Club is one of my favorite movies, so any remake episodes of it work for me. Sean and Ellie get together and everything is beautiful. The Sean/Jimmy rivalry and Toby/Jimmy friendships are given closure. Hazel actually matters for once.

(10) Don't Dream It's Over: I wish I could say I like this episode because of Terri, but truthfully it's Paige and Spinner who carry this episode for me. Anyways, this episode shows the consequences of escalating abuse and its toxic cycle. It's honestly a shame the Terri/Rick relationship wasn't stretched out a bit more because much more could have been done with it.

(11) Rock and Roll High School: I just love the battle of the bands. Ashley is amazing and gives Craig exactly what he deserves. I have no idea how I can so easily ship them in season 4, but oh well. As intense as Crash breakups and fallouts were, at their best there was a lot of love and passion. This was a fun plot that incorporated most of the grade 10's. Jaitlin were there. I don't think it's a good plot, but I love them so I can't dislike it.

(12) Our House: SEAN'S CHARACTER GROWTH. He finally starts to turn his life around. It kind of kills me that he had to come back for season 6 at all. Late season 3 and season 4 Sean was peak Sean. I also love the way Ellie kind of effortlessly inspires Sean to be better without needing to change him or push him into making the right choices. He does that entirely on his own. And I can't lie. I don't ship JT and Manny anymore, but they were the first couple I ever shipped on this show. So because of that, I always like seeing them become a couple and Manny happily accepting JT's invitation to the dance. Plus, Manny's memorable line about how no one ever talks about the fact Craig was cheating on his girlfriend - just that she was the other woman. It's been giffed multiple times and brought up many times for a reason.

Least favorite:

(1) The Power of Love: This is a filler episode. According to the episode descriptions on my season 3 DVDs, the story line was originally about Marco and Ellie clashing over the Bollywood themed dance. Presumably, this was going to be over cultural appropriation. So I have no idea how the final version ended up being about Jimmy trying to have a perfect night with Hazel with very little drama happening. It's not a bad episode. But compared to episodes 1-21, it's forgettable.

Degrassi TNG season 4:

Favorites:

(1) Ghost in the Machine: This a very strong season premiere. Paige losing her trial hurts so fucking much, but it's sadly true to life. So I can't be sorry Degrassi was willing to go there and show that not every survivor gets a win. Sometimes you have to find closure in your own way, which is what Paige does when she crashes Spinner's car into Dean's and then willingly turns herself in. I feel like I keep coming back to "development" and "turning points," but needless to say this is a new beginning for Paige. Minus the Mr. O bullshit, the rest of her high school years are probably Paige at her best. The Craig/Joey story line is controversial, but I loved seeing more of their development as father and son. Plus, Craig and Ashley reconnect, and I'm a big fan of that.

(2) King of Pain: Marco vs. Alex. This might be my favorite election episode. Marco takes another step in his coming out journey when he admits to his mother that he's gay. He manages to turn Alex's threat to out him into a win for himself when he's inspired to promise to bring the school together. As messy as Alex is during this episode, this is when she finally becomes a real character with potential to be so much more. And I love Alex, so there's that. I deserved more of their friendship.

(3) Mercy Street: Any episode related to the return of Rick and its effect on the rest of the school is automatically great. This story line is exactly the point I was making about Degrassi turning main, usually sympathetic characters into villains to prove a point and to reflect reality. The protest to keep Rick out of Degrassi quickly gets out of hand with people joining in more for the sake of bullying than out of any genuine cause. Emma becomes somewhat problematic when even she proves she isn't above conforming to fit in with the popular kids. The subplot is kind of awful with JT and his tiny penis, but it's entertaining LOL

(4) Anywhere I Lay My Head: Ellie's complex, toxic relationship with her mother was interesting to watch and 100% deserved more screen time. But anyways, Ellie decides to put her own wellbeing ahead of her mother's and finds a better home with Sean. It's very sweet and nice in the moment. I know the writers can't in good conscience have two teenagers living together indefinitely without there being setbacks, but I wish it had lasted a little longer. Or at the least, we'd gotten more follow up between 405 and 409. Sellie though <33 I love them so much. I also really like the carwash as a setting/event, but Spanny will never be a good pairing to me.

(5) Time Stands Still: This is forever the best, most iconic Degrassi episode. I don't think a single person would disagree that this is a mandatory episode to watch. The school shooting creates so many story lines going forward. Things that happen in these episodes having lasting effects all the way to the characters' graduations. Ephraim Ellis's acting is top notch. Really, everyone's is. This is a terrible description, but just talking about the episode makes me want to do a rewatch.

(6) Back in Black: This is another strong Sean episode. His character comes full circle when he leaves the show to move back with his parents. As sad as it is to lose his character and for Sellie to break up, overall Sean's ending would have been satisfying had this been the last time we saw him. Unfortunately, the show didn't do that and so season 6 Sean was mostly just around to spend half the season in jail and then hold Emma's hand once he was released. But I digress. Overall, this was a good portrayal of PTSD and how Sean sometimes lashes out to avoid vulnerability. The subplot was also pretty solid with Toby coping with the death of Rick and JT eventually stepping up to be the support Toby needs.

(7) Voices Carry: You can't go wrong with a Craig episode. At least not during seasons 2-4. The more I think about it, the more I realize that season 4 was the year that most of the characters reach the point where they either get better or worse, becoming richer characters in the process. Craig is no exception. All the hints about Criag's mental health finally manifest into an actual plot when he has a breakdown. This is also peak Crash. Jimmy weirdly provides the comic relief as he reacts to everything Craig says and does with befuddlement. Joey and Ashley are both great supporting characters. The Marco and Spinner cover of Dust is hilarious. JIBERTY. Liberty being a badass. I love it.

(8) Secret: This episode is so dark, but that's why I love it. The chemistry between Emma and Jay is undeniable. Emma doesn't want to be drawn to Jay and he doesn't have the best intentions for seeking her out, but something pushes them together. It's honestly a shame more wasn't done with this dynamic, especially considering Emma's eventual relationship with Peter. What a waste. But even beyond all of that, this episode is primarily about Emma and how she's lost her way after the shooting. I love it when Degrassi is so willing to take such big risks with their main, supposedly good characters. There aren't that many main girls that end up contracting STDs from the slimy fuckboy of the show (pre-Manny) in a misguided attempt to regain control after trauma. I didn't love every writing decision made for Emma, but I like that she wasn't pigeonholed into being one specific thing. Both subplots are great. This is the first and last time I enjoy the dynamic between Craig and Ellie. Because in all honesty, pairing them together for any kind of story line made sense and would have been a good idea. The execution was just SO bad. But I do like that Craig and Ashley grow closer and communicate openly about Craig's needs. The Jimmy/Craig/Marco trio is also great.

(9) Eye of the Tiger: This episode probably singlehandedly sets up large parts of Spinner's and Jimmy's season 5 arcs. Jimmy finds out about Spinner's role in the shooting. It's painful to watch. This is another story line where a character is clearly trash and doesn’t deserve sympathy. But because Degrassi is overall pretty well written and the writers make us love the characters, you can't help but still root for them. This story line also introduces a moral dilemma with no actual right answer. Maybe Jimmy deserved to know Spinner betrayed him, but he didn't necessarily need to know and didn't gain anything from that devastation or the loss of his best friend. Anyways, Spinner had some of the best character growth and the most consistent, believable redemption arc, so I suppose it all worked out.

(10) Moonlight Desires: As much as I hate what this episode does to Marco's relationship with Dylan and Dylan's character (who never really recovers IMO), I love it for Marco. You really see how far he's come and how comfortable he is in his identity as a gay man. I honestly wish we'd seen more of the activist side of Marco. During the college years, they mostly reduced Marco to being the boring one who obsessed over Dylan and not much else. Also, the subplot with Spinner and Jay is really strong. Spinner finally reaches a breaking point and starts his slow redemption arc. Jay also proves he has a heart and genuinely cares for Spinner.

Least favorites:

(1) Bark at the Moon: I love the idea of focusing an episode on Manny just to see where she is a year after the affair with Craig and her abortion. Unfortunately, this is mainly centered around Manny's relationship with Spinner and how she needs to commit to him in order to fully move forward. The problem is, we've seen so little of Spanny. And during the few times we did, it was never anything good. Their fling basically happened at the expense of Spinner's much more significant, far more likable relationship with Paige. The entire conclusion is them getting together which gives the impression this is going to be the new, iconic relationship. But they literally break up three episodes later. Even that is only briefly touched on compared to Spinner's friendship breakdown with Jimmy, the loss of his entire friend group, and his expulsion. So what was even the point? Oh, and Paige and Mr. O got together in the subplot. Need I say more?

(2) Goin' Down the Road: Kevin Smith. Kevin Smith becoming a self insert and the big hero of the show. Kevin Smith somehow turning Caitlin's attention away from Joey. Jaitlin, a legacy couple since the 80s, were torn apart forever over this bullshit. Jason Mewes is around and perving on the teenage girls. Craig becomes homeless for five minutes. Unlike Voices Carry, Craig's mental spiral in this episode doesn't feel nearly as well done and instead comes across as super rushed. Ashley leaves for London, paving the way for Craig to mostly be reduced to love triangle nonsense during season 5 and beyond. It's easily my least favorite finale.

Season 5:

Favorites:

(1) Venus: This episode is a mixed bag for me. It's a favorite because it's iconic and because the more times I watch it, the more Manny's struggles with body image and desire for independence resonate with me. Even though I hate everything about the lack of punishment for Peter and the victim blaming towards Manny, the parts of this episode that work really work.

(2) Turned Out: Practically every episode of season 5 that I like comes with the caveat that at least half of it doesn't work. Season 5 is a middle of the road season that mostly gets away with it because it's part of the classic TNG era and because the highs elevate it. As much as I sympathize with JT and and find him turning to drug dealing to support Liberty and their baby compelling, the elephant in the room is that there's a lot of emphasis on JT's feelings and none on Liberty's. If I ignore those issues, seeing a normally lighthearted character like JT get such a tragic, dark plot is great. Ryan Cooley isn't normally singled out as being one of the stronger actors, but I honestly think he delivered during this story line. And Jiberty is so tragic, too. Foolin' felt a lot more slanted in JT's favor than Liberty's, but this episode is what shows how much the two love each other in spite of the problems life keeps throwing at them. I can't help but love it. The subplots are trash, though.

(3) Redemption Song: Like I said before, I love Spinner's redemption arc. This is firmly in the middle of it where Spinner is trying to do good while still struggling to leave his past behind. Jay is a mess, but I love his role in this episode and how he wants to help Spinner in his own way even when that inevitably ruins things. Darcy's great, too. You wouldn't expect her to be so easily manipulated, but her throwing herself at Spinner was a strong character moment that was difficult to watch. I like the way Spinner and Darcy come together at the end. Hazel dumped Jimmy's emotional cheater ass and threw paint all over him. He deserved it, honestly.

(4) The Lexicon of Love: This is another very strong A plot with a mediocre subplot. I hate the Snake/Hatzilakos near affair, but thankfully it's overshadowed by the main story line. As much as I don't ship Paige and Alex, the way they came together was beautiful and felt really genuine. Paige's immediate panic and instinct to deny her feelings is realistic. She puts so much stock in her reputation and clearly feels pressured to be the straight kid of her family due to her brother coming out years before. I would have loved to have seen that expanded on, but the writers overlooked it. We see more of Alex's home life and see how in a lot of ways, Paige is Alex's escape and her shining light in an otherwise pretty depressing life. Seeing them explore their feelings and not worry about labels (at least at that moment) and preconceived notions feels really good.

(5) I Against I: This is another strong Spinner plot. It can be kind of tiring to see him be led astray by Linus and go against Marco right after regaining his friendship, but I really like the point made at the end of the episode that Spinner is lost and looking to find acceptance anywhere he can find it. Marco is great in this. Marco the activist is the best Marco. I like that he showed Spinner compassion and was open minded to the new Spinner. Manny is fun. I feel like I'm explaining really badly.

(6) Our Lips Are Sealed: I mean, I love this episode mostly for Emma's eating disorder story line. I have some qualms about the writing and the way it was executed now that I know both Miriam and Cassie were uncomfortable with it due to Miriam's actual experiences with eating disorders - something the writers were aware of. But it doesn't change the fact it was a powerful story line. It's too bad more wasn't done with it. The subplots are fun. Snake and Spike getting back together was very sweet. I've always liked Alex and Hazel attempting to bond for Paige's sake. They had an underrated dynamic I would have liked to have seen more of.

(7) High Fidelity: It's kind of odd that I like this episode so much since a lot of it revolves around a love triangle, but in the end I feel like I view Spinner's plot as him being torn between wanting to go back to the past where he believes things were better (Paige) and looking towards the future where he's become a better person (Darcy). Sadly, Spinner and Jimmy's friendship reunion ends up feeling kind of tacked on because of this. But I still get emotional when it happens. As problematic as things got between them, Spinner and Jimmy have always been my favorite friendship. Everything else that happens in this episode is mostly tying up loose ends.

Least favorites:

(1) Weddings, Parties, Anything: I can't stand the Craig/Manny/Ellie triangle. I don't like the idea of it. I don't like the way it plays out and what it brings out in the characters. I don't like the timeline for it. Unlike how the Craig/Ashley/Manny triangle was carefully set up, it was just like "Craig and Ellie hung out all summer and are now BFFs" and "Craig and Manny reconnect after he protects her from Peter without any acknowledgement of their messy history". It all happens so quickly, making it difficult to care which girl is unlucky enough to get stuck with season 5+ Craig. Also, 30 something Joey and the father of a teenager starts dating a woman not much older than his stepson. I just want Jaitlin back. Fuck this episode.

(2) Together Forever: The fact Toby's (because it's mostly his perspective, not Liberty's because OF COURSE) story line surrounding Liberty giving birth happens in a subplot and is wrapped up much more quickly than the average subplot says it all. The writers didn't value Liberty's character and didn't remotely care about her pregnancy once JT was no longer the central figure. There is no good reason for Liberty giving birth to be such a non event. Worst of all, what should be Liberty's big moment is overshadowed by yet another Craig plot. And not even a good one, at that. Jake Epstein wanted to go to college, so the writers had to give his character an exit midway through the season. The idea of Craig pursuing his music was fine and made sense. But nothing interesting happens. There's never any conflict or chance Craig will choose his college scholarship over his dreams. The undercurrent of Craig/Manny/Ellie and especially romantic Crellie makes me enjoy the plot even less.

(3) Total Eclipse of the Heart: This episode is mostly tainted for me because of the Marco and Dylan story line. I'm one of the rare fans that actually ships them, but what a horrible way to put them back together. Why is Marco being bullied for not wanting to take a chance on his cheating ex of more than a year? The actual sweet reunion scene isn't even earned due to Dylan's bad behavior throughout the whole thing. It's like if Zig and Maya hadn't gotten back together at the end of Next Class and instead were thrown back together two minutes after Zig told Maya it takes two people to fuck up a relationship. No one would be rooting for that and rightfully so. Marco deserved better.

Season 6:

Favorites:

(1) Eyes Without a Face: Mostly, I like this episode for Darcy. These days she's sadly more hated than appreciated, but overall I feel like she was a well written character who wasn't all good or all bad. She felt realistic. One thing I liked about Darcy is that sometimes, she contradicted herself because she was a complex person incapable of staying in a specific box. At this point, Darcy doesn't want to have sex outside of marriage, but she still wants to feel sexy and feels limited by her current relationship with Spinner. While I wish this had led Darcy to literally anyone but Peter, the two of them kind of colliding and becoming attracted to each other made sense. It was at least a more intriguing, believable dynamic than Peter/Emma. Plus, this episode introduces Clare and showcases the hardly ever seen Darcy/Clare sisterly bond. It's too bad we didn't see more of that before Shenae Grimes left the show.

(2) What's It Feel Like to Be a Ghost: I honestly don't know why I like this one. I have a lot of problems with the main plot, namely that Craig carries the entire plot with his drug addiction and yet it's all told from Manny's and Ellie's perspective with him being villainized. But by season 6 standards, it's memorable. I think I'm just glad to finally be done with Cranny and that Crellie is over for a long time after this. The constant back and forth was really annoying. I do like the subplots, though. As hard as it is to see JT move forward with Mia when he and Liberty clearly have unfinished business, these episodes show how far JT has come and make the next episode very painful. Plus, it sets up the Degrassi/Lakehurst feud.

(3) Rock This Town: This episode is the definition of "it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt." Or you know, gets murdered. The majority of the episode is very funny with most of the main cast all at the same party and getting to interact. JT and Liberty are finally on the right track and openly communicating without fighting. In spite of the tragic ending, this is easily my favorite Jiberty episode. It's also the only time season 6 Semma halfway works for me. But of course, the real reason this episode is memorable is because of the way it ends. "I'm sorry. Your brother's gone." 😭😭😭 It still hurts.

(4) The Bitterest Pill: I mean, it's the aftermath of JT's murder. Everyone is sad and grieving in complicated ways. There isn't much to say about it. I'm probably most affected by Liberty's and Toby's reactions to it, but even the smaller moments work for me such as Ms. Hatzilakos smiling while watching JT's slideshow. He was a character that had so much history. It's so sad he didn't get the happy ending he deserved. But that's life, I guess. So it makes sense for Degrassi to show that sometimes, life is unfair and tragedies happen.

(5) Free Fallin': This is the sole good college story line on Degrassi and it only lasted for as long as these two episodes. But needless to say, I love that Paige was given the panic attack story line. She'd be the last character you'd expect to struggle with university out of the recent graduates, but it honestly made sense once we saw it. Paige seemed to go to Banting less because it's what suited her and was what she wanted and more because she thought it was something she had to do. Lauren Collins was consistently one of the best actresses on the show, so she crushed all of her scenes as always. And again, I don't ship Palex, but I enjoy the lightness that Alex brings out in Paige. It's understandable why Paige gravitates towards Alex when things start to fall apart.

(6) Don't You Want Me: This is Alex's only major plot and she's one of my favorites, so naturally I overall love this episode. Degrassi very rarely delved into issues pertaining to their poor and lower income characters. It was obvious they were far more comfortable writing for characters from middle class or wealthy backgrounds. While I don't think the sex worker shaming aged well, I still feel for Alex throughout these two episodes. The subplot is pretty irredeemably terrible, but I mostly ignore it.

Least favorites:

(1) Here Comes Your Man: Ugh. This episode, or at least the main plot, feels like poorly written fan fiction. It's not totally out there that Sean and Emma would end up getting back together. Back in Black implied there were still feelings there on Sean's end. But at the same time, the way Sean kind of aggressively pursues Emma and wants only her without any real regard for Ellie, who he lived with, is ridiculous. The execution is awful. Their story line barely resembles early Semma. If you told me this was either someone's spec script or discarded YA book where the bad boy likes to race cars and the good girl has a boyfriend but can't stay away because "chemistry", I would totally believe you. I still can't believe Sean's return was so botched. As soon as he returns to Degrassi, he ends up expelled and sent to jail. Who thought that was a good idea and didn't see the obvious that it would sequester him away from practically everyone except Emma?

(2) True Colours: My problem with this episode is an extension of the one I have with the season premiere. Season 6 Semma is awful. It's a mediocre continuation of what used to be a fairly interesting, believable depiction of first love. Suddenly, Sean's entire purpose in life is Emma Nelson and he can find the strength to keep going as long as he has her. There are embarrassing things like Sean's love of honey vanilla shampoo, which Peter of course hates to prove to us that he's the wrong guy. Yes, this and Peter's actions against Sean are supposed to be the thing to make the audience realize Emma shouldn't be dating the boy who released revenge porn of a drunk and vulnerable Manny. And for some reason, Ellie starts dating Jesse, who exclusively dates barely legal college freshmen who are his subordinates.

(3) Working for the Weekend: I mean, the fact this episode upholds copaganda alone makes it deserving of being a least favorite episode. Spinner is a skilled fighter and was able to defeat the robbers, meaning he should go into law enforcement. Any time Spinner's dream to become a cop comes up, it's generally reduced to participating in police brutality. SMH. Anyways, Spinner and Jimmy open a t-shirt store for five seconds. Why is this deserving of being an A plot? Alex's plot is much better.

(4) Crazy Little Thing Called Love: Yet again, Semma 2.0 is given an A plot. Much like the others, this one is awful. Sean Cameron is one of my favorite characters. I'm even able to understand him and find him sympathetic at his worst, hence why season 3 is one of my favorite seasons for Sean. But in this episode, I kind of hate Sean. I cannot deal with Sean whining about Emma's tarnished goods because she blew Jay. It comes across as much less jealous and hurt over Emma's involvement with his best friend and more the fact Emma dares to be less than pure and good. I'm glad Sean does the bare minimum and seems to want to get to know the new Emma, but it's kind of too little too late for me. Oh, and because I'm still pissed about this years later:

This seems to be the same sexist bullshit Sean was doing during season 6. Fuck that. I'm glad she married Spinner if only because of this episode. Well, almost.

(5) If You Leave: I just don't enjoy watching this episode. I understand that grief can bring out the worst in people and cause them to do misguided things in the name of finding peace or getting justice. But Manny somehow gets shat on in all of this and is forced to easily forgive Emma. I'm just not a fan? Emma comes across more smug than I'd like her to rather than being driven by pain and grief. Marco is embarrassing himself over Dylan. It's season 6, so naturally a lot of what's happening is pretty terrible.

(6) Love My Way: This is another not-so-great college episode. I understand it's a transition episode for Paige and that she's focusing on her love life so she doesn't have to worry about things like her mental health and her academic future, but most of this episode leaves me feeling pretty indifferent. Paige is obviously going to end up back together with Alex, so the detours back to Spinner and to Jesse are kind of pointless.

(7) Sunglasses at Night: Marco gets into gambling and has money troubles for 20 minutes because he's lonely and feels insecure about being the boring, reliable one. Who honestly cares? This is the point in the series where it becomes obvious the writers have no idea how to write college story lines and are struggling HARD. Peter and Darcy sneak around and somehow think they're Romeo and Juliet because Peter is a disgusting pig, resulting in no one liking him including his mom. A lot of people complain about season 7, but thank god for all the new characters and the stronger story lines because this show was treading water for most of this season.

Season 7:

Favorites:

(1) Standing in the Dark: This is the kind of episode that speaks for itself. Darcy's rape story line is somehow darker and more haunting than Paige's. Seeing Darcy get to such lows and watching her spiral as she comes to terms with what happened to her is painful to watch. The Toby subplot is also solid and a strong way to start the season.

(2) Death or Glory: This is the beginning of what's probably Spinner's best story line. I can't quite put it into words, but I liked that the writers chose to give Spinner the cancer arc. Spinner for most of his run was pretty wrapped up in his masculinity and how it defined him, so seeing how struggle with the idea that he's "less of" a man due to losing a testicle was.. interesting? Very sad, but it worked for the character and I feel it gave him more depth and wisdom in the long run. One of the episodes also features Darcy growing closer to Snake after sharing the secret of her rape. Obviously, that story line ends up going in a very messy direction, but the moment where he reaches out to her is touching.

(3) We Got the Beat: I mainly like this episode for the main plot, but I also feel like it's really underrated. I loved seeing Manny much more independent and so willing to stand for herself to her parents. Plus, it's the beginning of Janny which ends up being not only one of my biggest couples on the show but also very entertaining and funny to watch. Jay Hogart was never the same after crossing paths with Manny. The resolution with Manny and her dad finally coming together and starting to forge a better relationship was really nice. One overlooked aspect of Degrassi is the occasions where the parents sometimes grow as much as the kids do, and Mr. Santos is an example of this.

(4) Live to Tell: Darcy is a mess in this episode, but I kind of love it. To be honest, I wish we'd seen a little more of it. That's one of the downsides of the first half of TNG. Whereas the telenovela years had more episodes and more opportunities to sprinkle in continuing plot threads spread out over multiple episodes, in early TNG things could feel a little crowded and somewhat rushed. But anyways, I'll always love that Darcy represents the imperfect victim. Not everyone heals in an outwardly beautiful way where you come away wiser and stronger. Sometimes, you fall apart in a pretty destructive way and can behave in unsympathetic ways. Even after falsely accusing Snake, I never stop viewing Darcy as a realistic character.

(5) Bust a Move: I love watching Manny getting everything she wants and finally ending up with a guy 100% devoted to her and totally on her level. That's reason enough, but mostly this episode is a lot of fun. But I also love Darcy's story line. She finally starts to heal from her rape and find some hope after an undetermined amount of time (because of the confusing timeline) in the darkness.

(6) Another Brick in the Wall: This is a rare time where one of the adults is the focus of the main plot. I feel like the general audience never fully warmed up to the OG characters having story lines in TNG, but Snake is probably an exception this rule considering Snake the teacher and stepdad is as beloved as any of the kids. I don't have much else to say about this, but I guess it's a realistic depiction of the effects of false accusations, as rare as those are. Holly J also finally gets more depth. Toby of all characters is given a rare chance to "win", so to speak.

(7) Ladies' Night: This episode is the one that proved that the season 7 newbies could carry actual story lines and weren't reliant on the longtime characters. While we hadn't seen a lot of focus on Anya and Holly J prior to this, Holly J being the dominant one in the friendship and the heavily influencing Anya had been clear in other plots and smaller moments. So Anya's eventual independence and Holly J's downfall was already fairly well set up. Samantha Munro and Charlotte Arnold were great in the scene where Anya finally confronts Holly J over mistreating her. I hate seeing Jay and Manny break up, but both clearly needed to do more growing (especially Jay) before they could end up together for good.

(8) Everything She Wants: Season 7 Mia is incredibly underrated. I think some questionable decisions were made for her character in season 8 when she was kind of rebranded as the hot model. But back when she was still a struggling single mother who just wanted to have a normal life, all of her plots were pretty great. I hate seeing Lucas let Mia down yet again, but it's painfully realistic. Mia sadly needed to learn the lesson that she can only depend on herself. Also, the brief return of Sean. I don't know what was different about his one episode appearance vs his season 6 run, but Sean felt much more like Sean than he'd been in a long time. I'm very happy the focus was on Sean's mentor bond with Snake rather than his romance with Emma. That relationship had barely gotten any attention during Sean's season of living at the Simpson/Nelson house, so it was nice to be reminded how well those actors worked together. Back in Black will always be the superior ending for Sean and there's a lot questionable about Sean joining the army at all, but I was happy to see Sean moving on to a brighter future that didn't completely revolve around Emma.

Least favorites:

(1) Love Is a Battlefield: I'll never forgive the writers for the way Alex was written off. Palex breaking up is whatever to me, though I seriously feel for their fans because neither character was written well during this episode. It's just bad. Alex was given zero understanding or patience regarding her mother literally betraying her by bailing out her abusive boyfriend instead of keeping them housed. If she needs to take a couple of weeks off and spend some time getting high, let her. Jesus fucking christ. Then of all things, Alex's stripper past gets thrown back in her face after Paige shamed Alex into quitting that job in the first place. She literally can't win during this episode. The subplot is pretty bad as well. Manny is mistaken for racist and somehow that relates to the Degrassi/Lakehurst feud. I don't even know why Manny and Damian got back together for all of two scenes. This episode was a massive disappointment after the season premiere.

(2) Got My Mind Set on You: Mostly, I just struggle to care about anything happening in this episode. It's sort of about racism, sort of about Derek being a bad friend to Danny. There's a minor love triangle thrown in. I don't think any of it comes together very well. Emma has a subplot where she's reacting to Snake's suspension from school and how difficult that is for her specifically. I'm just not interested in Emma's perspective. Another Brick in the Wall was a much better episode.

(3) Talking in Your Sleep: I haven't watched this one in a while so I'm slightly fuzzy on the details. But.. Paige unknowingly has sex with an HIV positive man because he makes the conscious decision NOT to tell her beforehand. Because of this, Paige is unable to give her fully informed consent to sleeping with him. Canonically, Paige's reaction to Griffin's violation is intensely triggered to the point she subtly references being raped by Dean. "I swore I would never be out of control with a guy again." Even though Paige's relationship with Matt was inappropriate and wrong, during their relationship she didn't view herself as a victim and him a predator. This doesn't apply to Spinner or Jesse, so that literally leaves Dean, the guy who took her virginity the night he raped her. Referencing that at all is a fucking choice considering the narrative wants us to side with Griffin and view Paige as ignorant for assuming promiscuity led to him becoming infected with HIV. Anyways, Griffin committed rape by deception, but no big deal or anything. The episode ends with Paige vowing to be a supportive partner to a guy she's been seeing for a day or two and we're supposed to not think anything of what he put her through.

(4) Broken Wings: The main plot just feels so.. soapy. Even for Degrassi. Jimmy can't access his trust fund to pay for his risky stem cell surgery, so he blackmails his dad into giving him the money after catching him having an affair. Jimmy was pretty consistently overlooked and underwritten and it's kind of unbelievable that this is the note they chose to end on minus his season 8 cameo. Also, Studz is formed and I have to listen to Peter sing. Enough said. I will never forgive the bunny masks or the shitty, privileged lyrics about being on house arrest and having a rich parent that doesn't love you.

Season 8:

Favorites:

(1) With or Without You: This episode has grown on me a lot and I'm not fully sure why. I really enjoy the main plot with Sav and Anya. They were never a major couple of mine even during the time I shipped them. I have more issues with them in retrospect, but that's neither here nor there. But I liked the focus and depth their relationship got in this episode. This is when they officially get on the on again/off again "Sav will never stand up for Anya to his parents" ride. It goes from being a cute plot about two teens who seem to be in love for the first time and potentially want to explore that through sex to a story line about sexism and double standards when the Alli/Johnny plot is tied into it. Also, the Emma/Manny subplot has become a random favorite of mine. So many episodes featuring the college kids tended to be either relationship focused or something extreme like Marco nearly prostituting himself for money, but this one was just Emma and Manny having a playful competition over Kelly that isn't being taken that seriously. The chemistry between Miriam and Cassie was always great, so it really worked.

(2) Jane Says: The main plot is very well done. I don't have a lot of thoughts about it, but Jane's slow processing over her past molestation was heartbreaking. I loved Lucas's role in it and how he finally stepped up when Jane needed him.

(3) Heart of Glass: Degrassi had multiple story lines involving consequences to sex and regretted first times, but I don't think any of them felt as personal as Alli's. It's subtle, but there's a lot of emphasis on how Alli is still a little girl in so many ways and wasn't emotionally ready to have sex. She wanted so badly to have the grand romance and to get the validation of just having her older boyfriend acknowledge her in front of his shitty friends. So when she makes the decision to go there with him and none of it turns out like she expected, I just feel sad for her. As much as I ended up hating the Alli/Johnny relationship and don't feel that it aged well at all, the ending with Johnny and Alli coming together and making actual relationship progress felt nice. Granted, that all went out the window in a big way come season 9.

(4) Danger Zone: While I think parts of this episode is kind of shoehorned in such as Holly J's sudden strong crush on Spinner that hadn't even been alluded to before, Holly J taking on a more heroic, compassionate role really worked for me. It felt good to see her undergo so much growth after being mostly unlikable for a good season and a half. Besides, even if it was rushed, the Holly J/Spinner dynamic is still one of the strongest from seasons 8 and 9. Connor schemes to get KC and Clare together, which is very cute. The Dot hostage situation was surprisingly good as far as Degrassi drama goes. It felt believable and not overly dramatized.

(5) Paradise City/Degrassi Goes Hollywood: This is almost a guilty pleasure for me because the premise is kind of ridiculous, but I always have a lot of fun watching it. I just love seeing Manny's dreams come true. I wish there had been actual setup for her relationship with Mick during season 8 rather than it being introduced kind of randomly. But I like the way she was able to pull herself out of that toxic relationship and put her ambitions first. Janny <3 Jay doing everything possible to help Manny make her dreams come true <3 Best non-Zaya endgame by far. I have mixed feelings about Ellie's story line because of the involvement of Craig, but I love that the show revisited the issue of Ellie's dad. More could have come out of that, but I mostly bought that Ellie would self destruct and run to avoid the reality of her dad's condition. Stacey Farber did some of her best acting here. I just wish the resolution hadn't felt so easy? I realize there was only limited time with Stacey due to Ellie departing at the end of the previous season, but it's really like Ellie is strongly implied to be attempting suicide and then a few minutes later she's making out with Craig in an airport. But if I overlook all of my issues with that, I enjoy her story line for what it is.

Least favorites:

(1) Didn't We Almost Have It All: Liberty's story line didn't work for me. I don't have a lot of complex thoughts about it. I think it's another episode that has multiple ideas all awkwardly mixed together. Liberty wants to join a sorority. Liberty faces racism because she's viewed as the potential token black girl. Liberty goes streaking. Liberty ends up with alcohol poisoning. It's a lot for a half hour story line. The message seems to be that Liberty should accept herself as is and be happy with that. Which is fine? It just feels a little late. As always, Liberty deserved better.

(2) Touch of Grey: Degrassi is occasionally accused of being a run of the mill, after school special type of show where the tiniest "bad" thing you do results in maximum consequences. Normally, Degrassi subverts this or at least goes into more depth. But this is a case where the show deserves all the criticism. The writers practically bent over backwards to justify a girl nearly dying because of weed. A diabetic coma that somehow happened because a girl who was already a habitual weed smoker randomly got so high that she forgot to take her insulin? None of that made any sense. Then to pile on even more and make sure none of the main characters get off scot free, Kelly is kicked out of the dorms. I'm only now getting around to mentioning that this was actually an Emma plot, but I don't think it fucking matters. She sort of has an identity crisis where she basically pulls a Marco and no longer wants to be the predictable girl with a boyfriend. Emma doesn't have to face the consequences of something she indirectly caused (no matter how ridiculous it is), making the entire ordeal pretty pointless.

It surprises me that I barely have any least favorite episodes from season 8. This doesn't make it a favorite. It isn't. But for some reason, I don't mind most of the episodes. Many of them are just "fine".

Season 9:

Favorites:

(1) Beat It: There's not a lot to say about this one. I'm a fan of Riley's character, and he takes a big step by the end of the episode when he comes out to Peter. Even though Argiris's acting is pretty terrible, I'm glad a character like Riley existed and that the show covered internalized homophobia with an intensely masculine gay guy. Anya's LARPing subplot is great. Independent, confident Anya was always the best Anya. This is around when Sav and Anya as characters, particularly Anya, start to evolve past Sanya the couple.

(2) Heart Like Mine: To be honest, there aren't that many standout episodes for me from this season, but I think KC's arc was one of the strongest and most emotional. It's unclear exactly what Coach Carson's motivations were and if he was the type of predator who was going to prey on KC himself or not, but I think the mystery of it all and the creep factor mostly worked. Considering KC's lack of male role models and strong adult figures, it's pretty realistic that he could be lured in by someone like his coach. I only wish we'd gotten more of the aftermath. Because in the long run, it somewhat felt like only the Klare/Kenna triangle lingered. I also enjoy the Fiona/Declan story line. I can't stand Declan now, but the only aspect of him I still find interesting is when he's interacting with Fiona. The movie at the end of the season goes into more detail and makes it clear how unhealthy their bond is. But in this episode, Declan wanting Fiona to be happy and kind of compromising to keep her in his orbit is sweet.

(3) In Your Eyes: I tend to like Riley story lines, so this is one of my favorite episodes. Not a lot of action happens other than Riley gradually taking steps out of the closet and becoming more comfortable living as a gay kid. Riley and Zane are adorable. Riley's friendship with Anya is solidified when he comes out to her. This story line just makes me happy. As someone who used to be a big Klare fan, this episode is complicated because KC is all over the place and not all what Clare needs. But I like that Clare ultimately put herself first and was strong enough to turn KC away. I wish so much that older Clare could have been half as strong with Eli.

Least favorites:

(1) Close to Me: The inferior Close to Me. I don't think Jane's affair with Declan was as out of character and as unbelievable as others do, but it was pretty clear it happened to break up Spinner and Jane presumably so he could marry Emma. Weird choice, but whatever. But the story line just isn't that interesting. I end up feeling bad for Spinner more than anything. KC's subplot is pretty good, but it's mainly just set up for his future story line.

(2) Wanna Be Startin' Somethin': The main plot always bugs me. I get that Holly J didn't really have close female friends, but it felt forced the way her loyalty quickly went from Spinner to Jane. I don't at all understand how she was so okay with keeping the Jane/Declan affair a secret. Basically, I don't have fun watching it. And in the subplot, it's just Dave and Bruce throwing piss at each other. I...

(3) Waiting for a Girl Like You: Declan harasses Holly J into dating him all the while he has a girlfriend. It's supposed to be very lighthearted and cute, but I hate Holly J and Declan together and can't find anything redeeming about their relationship after Love Lockdown.

(4) Somebody: This might as well be Waiting for a Girl Like You (2). Declan and Holly J are still the focus of the plot. For whatever reason, we're supposed to be very invested in Canadian Chuck and Blair exactly three minutes after they start dating. The whole plot point where the two aren't supposed to date because their moms are both against it was ridiculous. It's inventing drama that shouldn't be there to make us root for a couple that doesn’t have a lot of substance as it is.

(5) Why Can't This Be Love: Truthfully, I probably have mostly mixed feelings about this episode more than anything. Because compared to a lot of season 9 episodes, this one stands out as one of the better ones. But because of the subject matter and the fact that I'm going to inevitably end up talking about all of Degrassi's inadvertent rape story lines, I don't want to overlook this episode. Anya commits rape by deception when she lies about being on birth control, robbing Sav of the ability to give fully informed consent. It's very clear based on how horrified and uncomfortable Sav appears later in this episode that this knowledge changes everything for him. It destroys the trust he'd previously had in Anya. The first time I watched this episode when I was around 16, I was stuck on the idea that Sav of all people would keep coming back to the fact Anya "lied" to him considering the many lies he's told both her and his parents up to this point. But when you're a teenage boy growing up in a time where no one is talking about what consent looks like beyond very black and white situations, it's understandable that he wouldn't be able to put into words what was done to him and how he feels about that. The one thing I'll give Degrassi is that Anya faces immediate consequences once she confesses to Sav what she did. We the audience are meant to realize that Anya crossed a line and that Sav is in the right for ending the relationship even if Anya is still a sympathetic character. This is questionable honestly, but out of the Paige/Griffin, Sav/Anya, Holly J/Declan and Katie/Drew scenarios this one is sadly.. I hesitate to say the best but at least there's more emphasis on what the rapist did wrong and there's not a clear "actually the victim is the real asshole" or outright lying to the audience and saying what they saw on screen wasn't rape.

(6) Keep on Loving You: This is a filler episode. On most shows, I like filler episodes. But on a show like Degrassi that has a large cast, filler episodes featuring characters who already get a lot of attention are annoying. I didn't even plan for nearly all of my least favorite episodes of this season to involve Declan, Holly J, or Dolly J the couple, but somehow it worked out that way. Declan's moving away and doesn't initially say "I love you" to Holly J. There's no good reason for this to be an A plot, but Dolly J was the main couple that season. It's all mostly there to set up Degrassi Takes Manhattan. The subplot isn't any better. Danny and Chantay were both underwritten, ignored characters due to the fact this show rarely prioritized their black characters. Both of these characters had been around since season 4, but all they could think to have them do in this episode was have some drama over Chantay drinking from Danny's water bottle, thus catching his cold, because he was jealous she had to kiss Peter in a play. This isn't even a good plot by sitcom standards.

Season 10:

Favorites:

(1) What a Girl Wants: This is a strong start to the "new" Degrassi. Fiona's abuse story line maybe could have used another episode or two, but ultimately it was less about that relationship and more Fiona's character and how her past is used against her when she tries to confide in people about Bobby. It's sadly true to life that survivors of any kind of abuse or assault are disbelieved because there's no such thing as a perfect victim. Fiona instantly becomes one of the most complex, interesting characters on the show starting with this episode. The election story line was a lot of fun. The Sav/Anya angle was a lot, but I liked Holly J's involvement and how Sav was able to kind of turn the tables on her.

(2) Better Off Alone: KC's story line with his mom is very underrated. Really, KC in general is pretty underrated and misunderstood. He's a huge mess and has tons of issues relating back to his childhood that he never fully works through. The most interesting thing to me about KC in this episode is how much he wants to stay in the group home. We didn't see much of it, but it can be inferred that KC's time in the group home was the first time he'd found actual stability and a reliable home. So seeing him resist losing that and refusing to give his mom a chance is very sad. It helps that KC's mom, Lisa, is very well written and somehow still lovable and sympathetic even though KC is the character we've known longer and the one whose side we're on. I like that ultimately, it was KC's decision to move back in with his mom. I mostly liked Clare's story line dealing with her parents' marital problems. While I hate that this is the episode the cements Eclare and Eli's place in Clare's life, at this point they're just a normal potential couple starting out. Much like the KC plot, you have a teenager dealing with parental problems way out of their hands. Clare doesn't want to see her parents split up, but she can't stand the waiting and the not knowing for sure. Also, Bhandurner was cute here, even though things didn't end well for them.

(3) I Just Don't Know What to Do with Myself: This is just a fun episode. A lot of lighthearted moments happen in it. The stakes are overall pretty low. But I also love that Sav undergoes a lot of character growth and finally starts being able to stand up to his parents. The Sav/Adam/Eli/Bianca group was great and deserved more screen time. Fiona's subplot was also really solid. I don't think there's a single bad Fiona plot in season 10. It keeps her issues lingering while also showing her beginning to grow and find healthier ways to cope.

(4) My Body Is a Cage: This is such a lazy explanation, but it's another episode that speaks for itself. The official reveal that Adam is trans was very well done. I hate that Adam had to be outed and that a hate crime was committed against him, but I guess the writers felt the character needed to be pushed to a certain breaking point. I do think that more could have been done with the aftermath. There was a lot going on with Adam. He obviously had gender dysphoria and a history of self harm. As a cis person, there isn't a lot I know about this. I just feel like maybe Adam needed some sort of counseling after that, but the show wrote it like all of his problems were solved at the end. But really, the fact Degrassi had a trans character at all in 2010 is legendary. I hate that I ended up critiquing this episode so much because truthfully, it's probably top 10 for me. The things that work about this episode are outstanding. I love the way Clare, Drew and Eli all step up and give Adam the support he needs and deserves. Anya's story line with her mom's cancer is kind of an afterthought in comparison, but I think it was also pretty heart wrenching. More should have been done with this arc rather than using it as a jumping off point so Anya could date the 20 something cancer doctor.

(5) Still Fighting It: Ugh, my brain is mush again. This is another strong Riley episode. This is when he officially confronts his internalized homophobia and makes great strides when it comes to accepting himself and getting closer to coming out. Riley and Zane in some ways are at their best here. Degrassi was guilty of giving them what felt like the same plot over and over again, but the chemistry between the actors really sold their relationship. There's a subplot where Wesley and Drew help each other out, which is fun. Wesley's crush on Anya is introduced in this episode, which was very sweet. If they'd gotten together, it would be Anya's healthiest relationship by a mile.

(6) Purple Pills: This was a great Fiona episode. Probably one of my sometimes overlooked favorites. It's just more of her dealing with the aftermath of Bobby's abuse and continuing to self medicate with alcohol. As I said before, seasons 10-14 had more of an opportunity to delve a little deeper into these story lines. It made them feel much more fleshed out and organic. Fiona's drinking probably lasted for several months in universe. Though Fiona still has a long way to go, I like that this episode kind of gives her a win. She's able to get in the state of mind where she's finally prepared to fight back. Riley officially comes out. It's understated, but that works. It didn't need to be a big moment like it was for Marco with his dad or Zoe to the school. Ziley is adorable. Mid season 10 is probably them at their best. I even like Adam's story line. I've never been that invested in his friendship with Eli, but I like that Adam makes the choice to hang out with the absolute wrong group just because he's being petty and bitter. Adam could sometimes be a little too perfect, if that makes sense. Nearly all of Adam's story lines revolved around him being trans and the struggles that came specifically from that, so it was always nice when the show allowed him to be a flawed character in the same way the others are. It made his much more serious, equally important story lines all the more significant.

(7) All Falls Down: This episode had to grow on me because I feel like at first, it was kind of overhyped for an episode where no one died or suffered much long term effects. That's one problem with some of the later seasons' promotion. They'd hype up these big events where lives were on the line, but very little like that happened other than the random one two punch of losing Cam and Adam so closely together. But anyways, I think all of the plots go together really well. Everything plays a role in Snake's eventual breaking point at the end of the episode. I haven't said anything about the Eli/Fitz feud, but it was one of the better ongoing arcs in season 10. I don't like Eli and can't say I like Fitz either these days, but the brain vs brawn aspect worked. At least back then, Eli was allowed to be more morally grey or outright villainous without the show pressuring us to think he was somehow the moral center. The Drew/Alli/Bianca triangle is classic Degrassi messiness. The guy's a fuckboy, and neither girl has a lot of self respect. It happens all the time. Even though this is probably the worst version of Drianca, their chemistry is still electric. I'm not shocked it was later decided to pair them up permanently. Sav and Holly J are great and deserved better.

(8) Don't Let Me Get Me: This is a big game changer episode for Alli. Obviously, this is when her parents finally find out about her "secret life" and it causes a massive fallout. But more than that, it's a significant Alli episode in the sense that she's forced to mature from this point forward. I don't know what the popular opinion is on this because it usually doesn't warrant discussion, but the moment where Alli spreads Bianca's nudes around the school is far and away the worst thing she ever did. It's beyond cold and uncalled for. I definitely don't think what happened after that was karma or that Alli deserved her parents' harsh judgment, but it's the moment where Alli's problems became a little bigger and she was really forced to deal with consequences for the first time. Seeing her so vulnerable was a big change from her usual confident demeanor. Jenna's story line isn't quite on that level, but thankfully the Next Teen Star thing is cut short in favor of Jenna being forced to face reality about her pregnancy and future. I guess in a way, this is the episode where both Alli and Jenna grow up.

(9) Hide and Seek: I mostly like this episode for Alli's story line. It was a satisfying ending after multiple episodes of Alli being in a no-win situation with her parents. It would have been easy for Degrassi to make the Bhandaris shallow characters without interiority, but I like that they had actual vulnerability and complex feelings. From their perspective, they meant well and were only trying to be good parents. When Alli finally comes home, I'm as happy for her and content with the conclusion of the arc as I am for the entire Bhandari family. I know it's bare minimum, but I like that Johnny left on a good note. He's still far from a favorite character, but there was at least a semblance of the kind of character he could have been had the show prioritized his growth and guilt over JT instead of just Jalli and being bully #1. Holly J's plot is pretty good. It works as a lesson for people who rely on self medicating rather than going to a doctor. My main issue is that in the long run, Holly J's kidney story line gets convoluted and soapy.

(10) Chasing Pavements: I LOVE Fiona's plot. It touches on every aspect of her season 10 arc, tying everything into a nice bow. In two episodes, she: wins her trial against Bobby, retains her sobriety, and comes out as a lesbian. It should feel rushed and a little bit clunky, but it really isn't. In my opinion, it's all very well written. The Anya/Owen sexual harassment story line is underrated. I have mixed feelings about Anya as a character now due to her past actions with Sav, but season 10 Anya is a lot more independent and outspoken when it comes to guys. I hate, hate, hate that Degrassi chose to pair Anya with Owen in season 11 because it kind of ruins Anya's strong moment of calling out Owen. The whole point of the story line is that Anya DOESN'T want to date Owen and isn't attracted to him due to his gross personality and sexist, hateful past actions. It taints the ending when you remember she sleeps with him a couple of weeks later. Daniel Kelly being conventionally attractive wasn't worth all that.

(11) Drop the World: As much as I can't stand Eli, his A plots were usually good. Plus, again, season 10 Eli wasn't supposed to be the unquestioned good guy. Even though Eli has sympathetic reasons explaining his downward spiral, he's still Clare's controlling, manipulative boyfriend who literally attempts suicide to get her by his side. It's a mess, but it's an entertaining mess. I rarely praise Munro Chambers' acting because I only ever talk about his character for negative reasons, but he's honestly great and one of the strongest actors ever to appear on the show. The subplots are fun. Who can forget "You told me to play basketball"? Awkward Anya revealing Fiona's crush on Holly J and being the comic relief was great. I just realized I forgot all about the Savvy J breakup. Ugh. So unnecessary, and for off screen Declan.

Least favorite:

(1) Love Lockdown: It's almost hard for me to include this because in retrospect, I think Degrassi got a lot about this right. Most definitely unintentionally, but still. The entire episode has a very ominous tone to it from the start. To begin with, Declan talks about winning back Holly J in a very calculated sort of way where if he just does xyz, she'll fall back into his arms. It doesn't help that he looks at Holly J like this the first time they cross paths again:

Throughout the first part of the episode, Declan does all he can to orchestrate a scenario where he can be alone with Holly J. Finally, he gets his chance when Fiona intentionally gets drunk and insists that Holly J stay at her loft to help out. The minute Holly J lowers her guard, Declan initiates sexual contact even as Holly J expressly says "no" and indicates both in body language and the fact that she never consents to anything. Part 2 picks up immediately afterwards. Holly J is uncomfortable and clearly not happy, but manages to keep it together until she's out of Declan's sight. But, this isn't Holly J's story. Holly J was the victim of coercive rape, but this story is more about Declan and how he and his sister place pressure on Holly J to say Declan did nothing wrong. To be fair, I don't think Fiona means to do this. Fiona is clouded by the idea of Dolly J as a closeted lesbian who views them as the ideal, attainable love she wants for herself. Possibly, Fiona wants to keep Holly J "in the family" as a way of being with Holly J without being with Holly J. When Fiona tells Holly J Declan is transferring back to Degrassi and wants to discuss the previous night, Holly J is withdrawn and almost looks distraught at the thought of her rapist transferring to her school. Whatever thoughts she's having about Declan during this episode, they're nothing good, which she implies to Fiona. All Holly J is able to vocalize is that she didn't want things to go that far and that Declan made her feel pressured. When Fiona attempts to prevent Holly J from walking away by touching her, Holly J pushes her hand away. Fiona gently questions Declan about his actions and whether or not he had Holly J's consent, which ends with Declan questioning if Holly J thinks he raped her. Holly J is next shown at work where she still looks very down and nowhere close to okay. I'm sorry, but this shit is not simply intense guilt over cheating on Sav. Holly J, a proactive, always in control person, is doing her best to go about her day as though nothing happened and that her thoughts aren't consumed with her assault. Yet again, Declan tramples all over Holly J's boundaries when he shows up unwanted AT HER PLACE OF WORK DURING HER SHIFT to guilt trip Holly J about how they were supposedly on the same page the previous night. Declan claims he'll only go away if Holly J reassures him that she wanted to have sex. Holly J yet again reiterates that she didn't want to have sex and that Declan insisted. She expresses confusion as to whether or not she "changed her mind". Declan recalls that she kissed him, but the scene clearly shows Declan forcing Holly J's face to turn towards his. He's the one to kiss her with it being ambiguous whether or not Holly J is kissing back.

Anyways, in the last eight minutes or so, the script almost completely flips as though the writers changed their minds much like they seem to think Holly J did. Now, Holly J wants to talk to Declan and is upset at the thought that he's out of her life forever. Even now, it's all being framed like "you think it was rape" and "he thinks that you think it was rape". It seems like the blame is kind of all put on Holly J? It's like Declan didn't actually do anything, but Holly J is causing all this unnecessary confusion when he's just trying to play Romeo or whatever the fuck. Somehow, this ends with Holly J rushing to see Declan before he can leave town. At this point, Holly J doesn't want to classify what happened as rape. Keep in mind that this is all taking place over the course of not even 48 hours. Holly J and Declan both got accepted into Yale and because of this, it somehow erases Declan's disgusting actions and it's still back to "you think I..." and Holly J having to reassure Declan that she doesn't think he raped her. I understand that situations like these can be complicated and that it takes time to process what it means when someone you trust violates you. But at the same time, this is the end of the story. Degrassi wrote a clear cut rape, called attention to it, and then told their impressionable audience it wasn't so. Every future reference to Holly J/Declan is positive. I'm sorry, I know this was ridiculously long. I just hate everything about the message this episode sends.

[juniestar]

Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE

[madamescarlette]

nothing like staying up aggressively late to finish a book that you don't realize till halfway through is kind of infuriating and wrong and yet you have to see the end so you can close the lid on the fury vs. the healing joy of going off to read a book and then reading it all in one sitting because it was glorious and exactly suited to what you needed to read at that moment!

[lowkeyremi]

𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 ! (Pt 2 here)

pairing: suna, tsukishima, ushijima, osamu, sakusa, and iwaizumi x fem!reader (separate) note: thank you for the request @nicoleisdumb ! this was so fun to write and a nice refreshing break from jjk :3 miss writing abt these boys. summary: You forgot date night ! Oops... now your man is ignoring you?? How are you gonna fix this? content: slight angst to fluff, established relationships (marriage for a few, hehehehehe I will always find a way to sneak babies in), cursing, kinda suggestive for kiyoomi's part. not proofread!!!! wc: 3.3k

❥ 𝐑. 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐀

Rintaro is not one to usually get upset when you forget things because you're human just as he is and he forgets things all the time. He forgets his keys at home sometimes, or his wallet, sometimes he forgets his birthday, etc. (never his phone, he always has that thing).

There has never been a day that he's forgotten a date or an anniversary to your surprise. Lately, though, work has consumed both you and your boyfriend. He was handling it better though, because when you'd get home you would immediately collapse onto the bed and fall asleep. Rintaro would make sure to change you into something more comfortable and at least clean your face with a warm, wet cloth and your face wash.

Today was no different from any others. As soon as you remove your shoes and lay in the bed, all of your problems don't matter anymore. It was only around 7 pm then.

The morning had arrived in a blur. Finally, you had a day off. This morning is off though, because you don't wake up with a set of pajamas on or Rin's t-shirt. That was your first clue to something being off.

The second clue was the fact that he is not in bed. Rin doesn't get up out of bed unless he absolutely has to. Usually, he's holding you captive in his arms. Before you investigate, you take the initiative to shower and brush your teeth. When you're in a fresh pair of clothes; a tank top and shorts, you slowly make your way into the living room, sleep still in your body.

A brown tuft of hair sticks out from under your mickey mouse blanket and a body way too big for the couch is curled up on it. Why is he sleeping on the couch?

"Rin, baby, why are you on the couch?" Silence. He's awake, you know it because of the sound from his phone that's muffled by the blanket. Is he ignoring you? There's no way... he must not have heard you.

So you speak up in case he didn't hear you the first time, "Morning, Rin!"

Still nothing. He doesn't even move. What is his problem? Your mood instantly deflates into something sour. There was a hope within you that you would finally get to spend time with him today. Be it cuddles or going out.

Since he's not talking to you, you'll just decide to make breakfast in order to pass the time and fill the silence. While breakfast is being made you try to think of things you could have possibly done to upset him.

Then it suddenly clicks... you wanted to go out with him today. He had planned to take you out yesterday. That had to be it, right?

"Rinnie was yesterday date night? I'm sorry for forgetting. I think you had tickets for something? I feel so fucking bad, baby." Sleep had instantly taken you last night that you forgot to set an alarm or something so you could remember date night.

He still didn't say anything, but he did get up from the couch to get some food. His gold eyes were cold and unforgiving.

"Rintaro. I'm really sorry. I guess my body got used to going to sleep right when I got home. I didn't even check to see if we were doing anything yesterday. I'll make it up to you, we can go out tonight?"

He's not mad at you, not anymore at least. Even though he's not mad at you, he kind of wanted to be. It's hard for him to be upset with you for too long.

"Don't fall asleep this time, sleepyhead." That familiar smile that you know so well appears on his face. It causes you to smile just as wide if not wider.

In seconds your arms are wrapped around him in a loving hug. "I won't fall asleep. Promise."

❥ 𝐊. 𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐀

Kei is mean and petty about it. Date night is usually something simple like Netflix and some homemade snacks or something of the sorts. Mainly because the two of you like to stay in rather than go out.

He texted you asking where you were, only for you to reply that there was some old close friend of yours visiting town, so you decided to hang out with them.

When you got home late into the night, it was a little too quiet for you. Kei is probably asleep or playing on his play station, you assume. So, without even knowing that your boyfriend is upset, you go through your whole nightly routine.

Upon entering your bedroom you see his body lying in bed, his chest rising and falling every second. "I'm home." Leaves your lips in a whisper. There is no response so you assume he's asleep.

Halfway through the night you can't sleep, at all. It's probably because your boyfriend's comforting hands aren't wrapped around you, like usual.

You softly nudge your boyfriend's side trying to ease him awake, "Kei."

After a few more tries he finally startles awake, "what?"

"I can't sleep." You whine, "I need you to hug me."

"Shoulda' thought 'bout that before you went off with your friend instead of having date night." His tone is sour, from both being woken up and from you forgetting date night.

A small gasp leaves your lips, suddenly the conversation you two had a week prior to last night floods your brain. You weren't working that day and neither was Kei, which meant you guys could have your annual movie marathon.

"I'm sorry baby, I completely forgot..." He doesn't say anything to you and you can't tell what he's thinking because his back is facing you.

With a new spring of motivation you hop out of bed to make some of your favorite movie snacks and grab your laptop, before heading back to your bedroom.

"How about a redo?" Kei turns his body to look at you, he eyes the snacks and your computer. How could he stay mad at you?

"Hurry up before I change my mind." A huge cat-like grin adorns your pretty face.

❥ 𝐖. 𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐉𝐈𝐌𝐀

"Daddy, why red circle?" Your little son Nao asks looking at the calendar on the fridge.

"Mommy and Daddy were supposed to go out tonight, but work called Mommy and asked her to come." Wakatoshi explains to his three year old.

The original plan was for Nao's nanny to come a little early because Wakatoshi finally had time off of work and so did you. When she came to take care of your son you two were going to go to dinner and see this new jazz group.

Wakatoshi had only told his son part of the truth, you did have to suddenly go to work but it wasn't because they called you in, it was because you requested to work late, so you could have more time off in the future.

The only reason he sugar-coded it was, because he would never want to paint you in a bad light.

The both of you have enough to support the household and live a steady life so he has no idea why you decided to go into work tonight. It seems you'd even forgotten that you were supposed to go out on a date with him tonight.

"Mommy not gettin' dinner with you?" He asks for clarity.

"Yeah, that's right." He gives the little guy a pat to the head.

"So it's just you and me. After bath time and dinner we can do something fun like watch a movie."

"We watch Dootopa?" He asks with a beaming smile on his face.

"You wanna watch Zootopia?"

"Yes yes!!!" That is his all time favorite movie. Flash the sloth is his favorite character next to Judy Hopps.

"Okay, well lets hurry up and get bath time and dinner time over with."

When you arrive home, your two favorite boys are fast asleep on the couch. You make the assumption they've been watching movies all night because Toy Story 2 is playing and neither are awake to watch it.

Nao is curled up in his father's lap, while Wakatoshi's hand is supporting him in case he falls.

You pick the sleeping little boy up in order to take him to his bed. Wakatoshi ever the light sleeper awakes when you remove Nao from his lap.

Instead of smiling and kissing you goodnight he turns the TV off and proceeds to walk straight to your shared bedroom without a word.

You quickly place your son down in his bed kissing him goodnight. You know why he's upset with you and there's an eagerness for you to fix it.

"I totally forgot about dinner, honey, I'm sorry." Those words leave your lips as soon as you enter your bedroom.

Your hurry to change into something more comfortable so you can join him in bed.

"Don't be mad 'Toshi." He grunts, his back is turned to you, so who knows what he's thinking.

Luckily for you he tends to not hold grudges.

"I'll get us a reservation at your favorite place," desperation seeps into your voice when he still doesn't answer you, "I really feel dumb for calling into work today, please cut me a break baby-"

"You aren't dumb, by any means, and I'm not mad. I'm confused." That's when you remember that Wakatoshi doesn't usually ignore you when he's upset about something.

The reason he doesn't say anything is usually because he's thinking.

You wait for him to tell you why he's confused and as you do so you sink into bed. At the point he turns over to see your face.

"I'm confused as to why you needed to work late when you already have so many days off."

"Well- I was hoping the three of us could go on vacation this summer, if the team doesn't require you to do your workouts there." His confusion is replaced with awe.

"Just ask them for days off, if they dock your pay it won't matter. We have enough to live comfortably, I promise." It feels good to finally have your man looking into your eyes again. A relieved sigh leaves your lips.

❥ 𝐎. 𝐌𝐈𝐘𝐀

"Forgettin' something?" Your husband asks right before you walk out the door to go to your best friend's baby shower. He's leaning against the door frame, his huge arms flex when he goes to cross them over his equally large chest.

Is there something you're forgetting? Nothing rings a bell, so you assume he means you're about to forget to kiss him goodbye.

You lean into kiss him and he kisses you back of course, but there's still a pout on his face and he doesn't look satisfied.

"I love you, 'Samu! I gotta get going before I'm late!" So you forgot about it. You forgot that tonight Osamu was supposed to take you to the shop and fix up a nice dinner for you two at your favorite table. He'd serve your favorite wine and you two would talk about the stupidest things into the early hours of the morning. He even closed early for tonight.

I mean, he can't blame you, your best friend of a lifetime is having a baby shower, and of course she wants you there. It would have made him feel a little bit better if you at least remembered it, but you didn't.

Osamu wouldn't be a Miya if he wasn't at least a little bit petty about it. He's decided he'll ignore you until you figure out that you'd forgotten about your date tonight. Maybe if he's not too sour he'll make dinner for you.

The petty man in question has been watching the clock for the past twenty minutes. You were supposed to be home by now, because it's already 8:45 pm. The baby shower started at 6 and ended at 7, so, where are you?

Just as he asks himself that question, the telltale sound of keys on the other end of the door snaps him out of his trance.

"Hey baby, I'm back!" The door swings open and your pretty face greets him.

He doesn't say anything back to you, he just pretends to be busy on his phone.

"Sorry I got back so late, I stayed to help her clean everything up." Your eyes watch your husband carefully, checking for any sign of him being upset, because he doesn't say anything yet again.

"What's wrong, 'Samu?" Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He's definitely mad, now you just need to figure out why.

After a quick change into your slippers and your keys are on the rack you walk up to him, giving him a hug from behind. You rest your chin on his shoulder. He's scrolling through twitter, his personal one not the one for promoting the shop.

"Why are you sulking? You're acting like your brother." Osamu accepts his fate, you know he can't ignore you when you compare him to his brother.

"Do not compare me to that oversized baby." When he hears your beautiful laugh he almost forgets why he was upset, almost.

"Did I not tell ya that ya were forgettin' somethin' before ya left?" The question in his voice makes you think for a second.

"Was it not a kiss?" He shakes his head. Now you're completely lost.

"I was 'posed to take ya down to the shop and we were gonna eat at our table." When he finishes his sentence you gasp in remembrance. Oh shit. You forgot about date night.

"Baby, you can't possibly be telling me I had to choose you or her." He stiffens for a brief moment, then relaxes.

"Nah, I was just hoping ya'd at least remember it." A shudder rolls down his spine when you give him a small kiss on the neck.

"I'm sorry for forgetting, baby. Let's have a do ov-" Osamu doesn't allow you to finish because he scoops you up bridal style and brings you into the kitchen to set you down on the counter.

"Ya better watch me cook or I won't forgive you."

"Aye aye captian!"

"Yer so annoying." He smiles at you.

❥ 𝐊. 𝐒𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐒𝐀

"Bye baby! Mama and Dada love you!" Your baby girl waves at you shyly as you and Kiyoomi drop her off with her grandparents.

"I wuv you too! Bye bye Mama, bye bye Dada." Kiyoomi hugs his daughter tightly before setting her down next to her grandma.

"Alright, sweet girl, make sure to be good for nana and poppa okay?" She nods her adorable little head, the tiny ponytails you put in her hair swing rapidly.

As soon as you guys are in the car, a look of excitement flashes in your husband's eyes.

"What?" You can't help smile when he looks at you like that.

"Made us that reservation for brunch like you asked." Your smile immediately drops. You'd forgotten that you and Kiyoomi planned this whole weekend out already. You two had planned this weekend two weeks prior, which is kind of why you forgot and booked a mani-pedi for an hour from now.

"Fuckkkkk." Why do you forget the most important things?

"Kiyo, can we do dinner instead? I forgot about brunch and booked a mani-pedi because today is the only day my nail lady could fit me in."

A tension forms almost immediately when you inform him of your plans. Guilt is heavy on your stomach while listening to your husband cancel brunch over the phone. The rest of the car ride is silent except for the sound that's happening outside of the car.

Your husband is kind enough to drop you off at your nail appointment. You feel so bad as you hop out of the car, so in order to try and smooth things over you offer for him to come inside but he just mumbles a quick, "No thank you, I'll come get you when it's done."

That's how you ended up spilling everything to your nail lady. She shakes her head as she shapes the gel nails into the shape you asked for. "What's his favorite color on you, sweetheart?"

You think for a second before answering, "He loves when I get sage green." The woman gives you a knowing smile and you connect the dots as to what she's referring to.

"You want him to feel better? Take him to dinner and then give him a night to remember with those pretty nails. Works every time with my husband." She says with a mischievous smile.

Your eyes widen for a second, "Oh my- I- we haven't had time to do anything because our little girl requires most of our time, but she's with her grandparents for the weekend."

The nail lady giggles as she goes to find your color. "Honey, if that's not a sign to get laid then I don't know what is!"

When your appointment is over you see the cadillac waiting for you in the parking lot. Kiyoomi doesn't even bother to look up when you enter the car.

"Got your favorite color." You purr with a seductive smile on your face. Kiyoomi doesn't spare you a glance, "Cool."

"Stop being so mean, I'm sorry about brunch. I made a reservation for dinner." That finally baits his attention, he turns to you, a nasty look in his eyes.

"Oh I actually think I'm going to be busy, can't go to dinner." He mocks your voice to make you feel what he had felt earlier. He's being mean, but he doesn't mean it. He still kind of has this habit of getting defensive when he or his pride is hurt.

"Too busy to get a blowjob in the car after dinner?" You know you've got him when he stops breathing for a few seconds. Your husband is only a man, and what kind of man would he be to deny a blowjob from his wife?

"Shit, should have started with that. Let me see your nails." The whole time he inspects your pretty hands there's a smirk on your face.

"I love this color on you baby."

"I know you do Kiyo. Now, let's get home, we have to get ready for dinner tonight."

Having your daughter stay with her grandparents for the weekend was the best decision you guys have made in a while.

❥ 𝐇. 𝐈𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐙𝐔𝐌𝐈

Hajime has been ignoring you for the past two hours and you can't figure out why.

You know you haven't done anything to piss him off recently (or so you think), so his behavior is kind of strange. Nothing you did made him listen to you either.

He doesn't even let you know he's leaving for work, which reminds you of yesterday. You were so excited to go see your cousin's puppy you'd forgotten to tell your boyfriend you'd be out for awhile.

Suddenly while you're tidying up the kitchen you briefly remember him asking you on a date... yesterday.

That's probably why he's ignoring you.

So of course, being the problem solver you are, you head to the store to get stuff to set up a nice date at home.

You decorate the table with pretty rose petals and cook his favorite meal for him. Candles light up the table and two glasses of wine are set on the table.

Hajime lets out a loud groan as he enters the house, working with a bunch of athletes all the time is quite tiring. What he doesn't expect is the dimmed lights and quiet music playing from the alexa in the kitchen.

For the first time today he talks to you, "What's all this?"

"An apology for forgetting our date last night. I set up an at home date for us." He tries and fails to look upset, still.

"I'm glad you remembered," he pauses, "the day after our date." A snort leaves his lips and you roll your eyes.

"At least I remembered. Hurry up and put your stuff up so we can eat. The food is gonna get cold."

It's safe to say he forgives with the way a lopsided grin adorns his face.

©𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐊𝐄𝐘𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐈 All works are written by me! Please do not copy, translate, or upload onto other sites thanks!

divider: @/chachachannah

[hwaflms]

HAPPY NOW? ★ [ j.jh ]

your family has been pressuring you for months to bring your boyfriend, jaehyun, over for dinner, and you think it’s really sweet that they like him so much. the only problem is that your “boyfriend” jaehyun, hates you.

———————————————————————

[☆] PAIRING. ex!jaehyun x f!reader

[☆] GENRE. angst, smut, fluff | fake dating?, exes to ??? au

[☆] WC. 19.9k (i don’t even know)

[☆] WARNINGS. angst, reader has anxiety, mentions of anxiety attacks, fighting, reader be lying a lot, reader has a little sister, crying, reader is kind of a dumbass, explicit content (piv smut), unprotected sex (don’t do this gang!), fingering, sex in public kinda, pls lmk if i forgot anything!!

[☆] NOTES. i’m so fucking annoyed with tumblr it’s not letting me insert images properly UGH this took me over 2 hours to upload man 🗣️ im pretty proud of this one ‼️ idek how it got this long but it’s my longest fic yet and it’s been sitting in my drafts for ages until i finally got the inspo to write it :p i want jaehyun so bad it’s not even funny tbh but anyway PLS GIVE ME FEEDBACK/A REBLOG LITERALLY ANYTHING IS APPRECIATED <33

———————————————————————

six months.

you haven't seen this door in six months.

it's funny because, this was a door you used to push open and walk through every other day, yet now you stand on the opposite side of it, unsure as to whether you should even be thinking of knocking.

your hand is raised to the door, shaped like a fist but you make no move to actually knock. you were aware that you still had time to bail out of this, that you could turn on your heel and make your merry way back to your sad little house and go back to pretending you're happy with the choice you made six months ago.

or you could just do what you came all the way here to do.

the weather seems to be in your favour, at least. the sun shines radiantly, making the temperature warm, but not too warm, and a cool breeze travels through the air in short intervals. the summer had begun early, birds chirping in their habitual singsong way and wild bougainvillea already flowering in various shades of pink and lilac. usually when the day starts off with good weather, the rest of it follows suit, and thus your day is made better. hopefully, this is the case for you today.

pausing for a short, morale-boosting intake of air, you tighten your fist and knock, knock, knock on the mahogany door, immediately regretting your decision as you feel your stomach churn and plummet. a good ten seconds pass, and you hear no reply nor movement from the inside of the house, and part of you is relieved because that means he may not be home.

more than happy to do a 180° and skip along joyously back to the metro that would take you home, your feet begin to make for that trip but your mind decides against it. you know that you are being overly dramatic, but even with being aware of this, your heart rate does not slow down one bit. you also know that what you've come here to do is more than just selfish, its pathetic and rather embarrassing. it's also a hugely unsavoury request, and if your roles were reversed, you'd most definitely laugh in his face and shut the door.

finally somewhat making up your mind with a quiet groan, you raise your clenched fist and rap against his front door again in a set of three. you nervously shift your weight from your right to your left foot, then back to your right and then once again to your left, the anxiety and anticipation not allowing you to stand still and relax, thinking that if he doesn't answer this time, you really will just return home.

"hold on, i'm coming!", a hurried, muffled voice calls from inside the house and you don't think your heart has ever beaten this fast in your life. not even during the one time you ran a marathon to prove a point to your friend chenle, and while you did show him that you didn't only run to get away from spiders, your body took its own sweet time to recover from that.

now you hear footsteps approaching the door from the opposite side of it, and you don't think you can handle anymore of this tortuous, build up of a wait because you are quite literally one step away from calling it a day and just sprinting your way out of there, just like you did on the last few metres of the aforementioned marathon, and you know he's nearing the door because the footsteps are getting clearer and clearer, and soon he's going to open the door, take one look at you and just slam the door right in your face, but not before spewing verbal explosives at you, which would be totally deserved since he has every right to just spit on you and tell you how you're a terrible, downright horrible human being completely unworthy of forgiveness and-

"sorry for making you wait so long, i was-"

if your heart rate was at its maximum speed before, now it just stopped.

standing in front of you, in the flesh, was the man who's heart you broke six months ago.

jaehyun had just about opened his door in a way that his body was sticking halfway out of it, but he was now frozen in that position, neither in nor out, just stuck there looking like he was contemplating his next move. he adorned a loose, white shirt that clung to his defined shoulders and chest, paired with a pair of red plaid pants with a patch of some different material stitched just above where his knee was. you'd recognise those pants just about anywhere, having worn them a number of times and being the cause of that strange patch with mismatched material (you'd tried to balance a pot of steaming hot ramen on your knee in order to move something, resulting in it causing a burn in the pant).

his attire tells you that he was either just about to eat breakfast, in the process of eating breakfast, or about to finish breakfast; jaehyun was not an early riser and he liked to take his time getting ready for the day.

apart from his slightly changed hair, jaehyun looks the same as he did before, if not better. his once shorter, straight, brown hair, was now a darker kind of black and longer in a silky, mullet-y, layered sort of way, the mullet part stopping just above where his shirt met his neck and the front bits falling on to his face in thin, soft wisps.

everything about the man was captivating and entrancing, but if you had to pick a specific feature that really takes the cake, it would have to be his eyes. his eyes, deep-set and fierce, always gave the impression that he was cold or unapproachable, whereas in reality, he was the opposite. as striking as they may be, they always carried a certain warmth to them.

while they still held the same intensity to them, the warmth was missing as he looked straight at you now. after the brief moment of confusion when he first opened the door dissipated, the familiarity had sunk in, and his expression now was more or less unreadable, but you still tried to make out what he was thinking and feeling- was it shock? anger? maybe even disgust?

"okay, are you going to just stand there or are you going to say something?"

you think it was largely a combination of the last two. in all your fidgeting and gawking, you'd forgotten to actually speak to the man who's door you'd just knocked on, leaving him standing there wordless and confused, an eyebrow raised as he waited for you to open your mouth.

you try to do so, so many words wanting to tumble out your mouth but an invisible gate seems to block it, so now you're just stood still with your mouth opening and closing soundlessly, looking like an idiot.

c'mon y/n, fucking say something, anything-

"how have you been?", is what you decide to go with to break the silence in the end, an awkward smile plastered on to your face. you realise before the sentence is even fully out of your mouth that that would be a really weird thing to start off with, seeing as you and jaehyun have had absolutely zero contact for six months, and are obviously not on the most wonderful terms.

jaehyun's eyebrows furrow, a look of clear disbelief on his face as he clutches his door handle a little tighter. he looks away with a sarcastic smile, shaking his head before turning back to look you dead in the eye. oh, he's going to slam the door on you, you just know it-

"really? 'how have you been'?", he questions incredulously, licking his bottom lip while an exasperated smile plays at them. funnily enough, his response is somewhat relieving to your pitiful self, because you weren't even expecting to hear a reply to what you said, you figured he'd just walk away. you would've. "we haven't seen each for six months since we broke up and 'how have you been' is the best you've got?"

you wince apologetically and bite your lip, playing with your fingers nervously as he quite literally stares you down, irritation written all over his face.

he waits a couple more beats for you to break the tense silence and speak but you are inwardly (and outwardly) struggling to word your thoughts, so he simply scoffs and backs away to return inside.

"okay wait, i didn't tell my family that we broke up and they keep pressuring me to bring you home for the holidays, so i would really like if you'd pretend you don't hate me and come with me."

you don't even want to open your eyes to witness his reaction to your blurted little confession, so you merely stand, frozen in place with your eyes squeezed shut tightly. a couple seconds pass yet you don't hear a door slam, a good sign, so you take that as an affirmative to open your eyes.

he doesn't say anything, or do anything either really, he just leans against his doorframe with another indecipherable expression. this irks you even though you know you have no right to feel irked, but the fact that you once had the ability to know what he was thinking and now don't bothers you to the core. plus, it leaves you feeling unsure as to whether to continue. he might just start laughing at you manically or angrily tell you to get off his property like some bitter, 60-year-old man, and either of these scenarios would be completely fair of him to do.

the heavy realisation that your request sounded absolutely delusional and conceited dawns upon you, and something about his irksome expression makes you feel like you should keep talking. "you have literally every right to just tell me to fuck off, and i don't even expect an answer, i don't really know why i even came here, oh my god- this is so fucking stupid, i'm so fucking stupid and honestly i don't know why you're still standing here listening to me ramble-"

"i need to get ready then. give me ten minutes."

✧ ──────── ✧ ──────── ✧

the front door you're stood at now holds a very different ambience to the previous one. while jaehyun's was quiet and peaceful, the front door to your parents house reveals that the inside is just bustling with activity. the chorus of kate bush's 'running up that hill' plays faintly from behind the door, so you figured that your dad must have brought out his old record player from the dusty attic.

jaehyun stands beside you, hands shoved into the pockets of his light grey hoodie that you feel he must be boiling in, because you're wearing a black tank top with some loose cargoes that you think you might have drenched with sweat.

the sweat would be from the burning heat, but also from the agitation you're really starting to feel. there are so many different ways this dinner could go. what if jaehyun suddenly tells them the truth? then everyone in the room would hate you, and rightly so. you don't want to have to explain to your parents why you broke up with him; it's a stupid fucking reason, if you can even call it that, and it made you completely miserable. how were you supposed explain to your little sister that you and jaehyun aren't together anymore? you suppose relationships are a totally foreign concept to her young mind, but you were sure that she knew you and jaehyun loved each other very much. and you knew she loved jaehyun very much.

he does not look at you, instead choosing to really focus on the christmas themed welcome mat that your parents put out during the winter of '09 and never bothered to change. how he even agreed to come here with you, you don't know, but to say you're grateful would be an understatement.

"you still have time to back out, you know.", you mumble softly, trying to give him one more chance to escape, but he doesn't even spare you a glance, shaking his head and squinting at the door.

"let's just get this over with."

with a small sigh, your raise your hand to press your parents doorbell, the embarrassingly loud 'ding dong' ringing out from behind the door. "oh, that must be her!", you hear the muffled voice of your father speak from the inside, making a slight smile form on your lips.

within a couple seconds, you hear the sound of the muted metal bolt as your dad struggles to open the door to let you in. a grunt of "this damn door..." makes both you and jaehyun release short giggles, and you peek over at jaehyun to see his lips curl upwards into a smile, a small one but it's still breathtakingly pretty . he clears his throat and it's gone in a flash, but the image doesn't leave your mind, and you're still seeing it when your dad finally manages to open the door. "i really need to start using the new lock", he mutters, shifting his eyes to you with a big grin, leaving against the doorframe with his arms folded. "hello, sweetheart."

you chuckle and throw your arms around him, squeezing him a little as he laughs and pats your back in return. releasing you, he turns to jaehyun with a smile, who promptly sticks his hand out politely. "hello, mr. l/n, long time no see."

your dad ignores his hand, throwing his head back with a gruff laugh. "what's with all the formalities, come here, son.", and with that he gives jaehyun a hug as well, a slightly shorter one albeit, but a hug nonetheless. the word 'son' repeats in your mind like an echo, sounding more and more distorted the longer you focus on it. you can't even begin to think of what was going through jaehyun's mind. this was not your brightest idea.

you notice your mom waiting by the door with her hands behind her back, eyes bright and shiny. "hi, mom.", you beam, and she laughs cheerily, opening her arms for you to run into, which you do. she presses numerous kisses to the crown of your head, making you groan lightheartedly and try to escape her hold, but it only tightens. "oh, how i've missed you."

"i missed you too, mom.", you say but she's already let you go and is making a bee line for jaehyun with her arms open, who falls into the hug so readily and comfortably. "i may have missed you, y/n, but i missed jaehyun ten times more.", she jokes, pinching jaehyun's cheeks affectionately.

jaehyun is turning bright red, but he has a toothy grin on his face, a real one, you can tell. his eyes travel the front room where all of you are stood with a nostalgic smile, having not seen it or your parents in over six months. you watch as they look from the various photo frames hung up on the wall alongside the staircase, to the curtains that they recently changed, finally landing on the record player thay was sitting on the table. "wow, mr. l/n, where did you get this?", jaehyun asks, and you wonder whether he's trying to make conversation or if he's genuinely curious. you think it may be the second one.

while him and your dad engage in small talk about his record player, you turn to your mom to ask of the whereabouts of your little sister, and as if on cue, you hear an excited squeal from the top of the stairs. all four heads turn to see your sister bounding down the stairs hurriedly, paying no mind to your mom's strained shout of "careful!".

"y/n!", she piped, finally reaching the bottom of the stairs and running straight to you, wrapping her arms around your legs. she barely reaches your hip so her hug is really just her face pressed into your thigh with her arms squeezing your legs together, while you pat the top of her head.

somehow managing to pry her off of your legs, you kneel and give her a proper hug in return, now happy that you made the decision to come home for a bit of your holiday. she lets go and reaches into her pocket, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper and jutting her hand out to you, urging you to take it.

you smile and furrow your eyebrows with confusion but you take the paper anyway, opening it as carefully as you could so as to not tear it anywhere. smoothing it out flat on your knee, you're greeted with a drawing; two people stand holding hands under a deep blue sky, a large yellow sun shining in one corner along with some "birds" that are really just little 'v's scribbled in black. they're stood on a beach, at least you think they are because there are two shades of blue on the paper, one of them probably being the blue hue of the ocean.

you assume the two people are you and your sister, since one of them has shorter, shoulder length hair and is miniscule compared to the other person, who's hair length and height are similar to yours.

you hold the picture to your chest and pull your sister in for another heartfelt hug, kissing her temple. "is this us?", you ask her, pointing at the two people in the drawing. she gives you a proud nod in return, taking the picture from your hands and holding it in front of her face. "yup! the big girl is you and the small girl is me! we're gonna go swimming.", she informs you, flashing you the toothiest of smiles. "thank you, it's perfect.", you tell her, ruffling her hair a little as she hands you the drawing back.

she clearly doesn't appreciate that, because she whines and swats your hands away, but soon her eyes focus on something behind you and they enlarge, the second excited squeal of the day emerging from her lips. "jae!", she just about screams, completely abandoning you in favour of running off to jaehyun, who has a wide smile on his face and looks equally as happy as her. he scoops her up in his arms and lifts her in front of his face, doing a little spin as peals of laughter escape her.

he finally puts her down but she holds on to his hand, looking at the male with absolute adoration. "hi, cutie.", he boops her nose affectionately to which she giggles, turning to look at you. "you didn't tell me jaehyun was coming!"

"i wasn't sure if he could make it", you reply to her honestly, looking at jaehyun as you speak because only the two of you know what you really mean by that. he holds your eye contact for perhaps a millisecond longer than he did before, but again, it was gone in a flash. he clears his throat a little and straightens up, rocking back on his heels.

sensing a shift in the air but mistaking it for some form of awkwardness, your mother shoos the rest of your family away in the direction of the kitchen. "they probably want to freshen up together, let's let them do that."

once they're gone, it feels like you can finally release your breath, truly seeing this situation going wrong in so many ways. they don't suspect anything yet, but how much longer until they eventually connect the dots? or what if they don't even need to do that, because jaehyun only agreed so he could embarrass you by telling them the whole story? you don't acknowledge the tense silence until jaehyun speaks up. "can i use the guest bathroom? still the second door on the right, yeah?"

you don't respond immediately because you're processing the fact that he still remembers these minute details. you also realise he's only asking because he doesn't want to share your bathroom with you, and that clears your thoughts up a little. you nod in affirmation and he begins climbing up the stairs, and you wait until you hear he's reached the upstairs landing before you move.

it's so tense. the last time you were in this house with jaehyun, you had taken a short road trip to get there. you say road trip, but it was just a couple hours long, but the playlist you and jaehyun had curated said otherwise. you arrived at the house and everyone was all smiles, your parents just happy to have you home and happy to see him as well. you think that part's just as hard as thinking about the two of you together. the fact that your slightly judgemental parents adored him, your little sister looked at him with stars in her eyes– you had lucked out in every department, and you were always aware of it, the joint guilt you felt from breaking it off and lying to your parents really getting to you now.

you swore that after this was over, you would apologise to jaehyun and finally break the truth to your parents.

finishing off in the bathroom, you step out into the hall, only to bump straight into jaehyun. backing up awkwardly, you both try to get past each but keep going in the same direction, resulting in a bunch of 'sorry–'s and 'wait– just–'s being blurted out by the two of you. finally getting past you, he doesn't look back at you again, just walking down the stairs mumbling something about "they're waiting...".

wincing, you make your way down the stairs as well, arriving at the living room to see your mom standing beside your dad with an excited expression on her face. you approach with caution, noting that your dad has his hands behind his back. "so...", your mother starts, raising her shoulders a little out of anticipation. "since we haven't seen the two of you in a while...we got you some presents! nothing too grand but..."

"mom, it's not even christmas", you whine, ready to argue with them because you feel bad that whatever they got was still overpriced, but your mother shakes her head, urging your dad to reveal the presents. "just take a look first..."

in one hand he holds a small, white box, no bigger than his palm, and your mom picks it up, holding it out to you. the print on the box is small and typewriter-like, the material it's made out of just screaming fancy. you narrow your eyes at your parents but take the box in your hand anyway, pushing it open. inside, it reveals maybe the prettiest necklace you've seen; dainty and silver, the chain is simple but it's the pendant that's the real charm– it's an uncut stone of some kind, a pale, translucent white crystal that's pretty much shapeless but it's wrapped in this thin silver wire that forms little loops and hearts over the stone and it makes it so alluring.

"it's a seaglass necklace", your mom speaks, taking the necklace out of its box for you and inclining her head for you to turn around. you're now facing jaehyun, who looks curiously at the new piece of jewellery with the faintest of smiles on his face. pushing your hair to the side, your mother places the necklace around your neck and clasps it (though it takes her a while, squinting and looking at the necklace hook from every angle because she forgot to wear her reading glasses). she leads you to the mirror by the entrance of the hall so you could get a better look at the necklace hanging on top of your collarbones, reaching up to touch it. "you remember? from that lady who owned the fancy place by the beach last summer?"

you do remember. that was the first trip jaehyun had joined you and your family for, under the suggestion of your little sister. when you brought up the fact that jaehyun was going back home to see his parents a little later than he had anticipated, your sister immediately asked if he would want to come with all of you, who were heading to the beach in a day or two for a little family getaway. and much to your surprise, your parents were very warm to the idea of jaehyun accompanying the lot of you. he must have severely impressed them the first time he met them, bringing a bouquet of flowers for your mother and a hearty bottle of whiskey for your dad– it's like he had won their hearts before he had even stepped inside the house.

of course, he had met them a couple more times again after that, but your parents had never raised any issues about your then boyfriend. your dad had claimed that he wanted jaehyun to come along so he could "keep an eye on him" and "see how he treats you in front of us", but you knew all too well he just wanted someone to talk to about his interest in sound systems. the trip had gone so smoothly, so perfectly and you think that it had planted the seeds of doubt in your mind about your relationship.

the position of the window and sun allowed for the light to bleed on to half of your face, the necklace glinting under the rays as you stood in front of the mirror and surveyed it. the last couple drops of the golden hour sun slipped through the windowpane and painted your skin like it was a canvass and the necklace was the cherry on top. you were radiant, and the look in jaehyun's eyes told you that he knew it too. when your eyes meet in the mirror, it's like he tears his eyes away from you, forcing himself to look at his shoes.

snapping out of your soon-to-be miserable thoughts, you fix a smile on to your face so as to not seem ungrateful, turning to hug your mother. "i love it", and you really do, knowing that you wouldn't be wearing a single other piece of jewellery for the next couple months.

jaehyun stands in the doorway soundlessly, just taking in the scene. he had always told you that he wished his family was as close and tight-knit as yours, but due to his dad always being away on some business trip or another and his mother having her own job to attend to, it resulted in a lot of time spent by himself.

you think that might be way he slotted right in with the rest of you, from the very first meet, because his desire to belong worked very well with your family's lively, chaotic home, which welcomed him right away. this was the main reason why couldn’t bring yourself to tell your family that you had broken up him mercilessly. they wouldn’t blame you of course, but you know everyone would be immensely disappointed when they realised that he hadn’t even done anything wrong in the first place; he was so good to you, and they just wanted to see you happy.

while your mom cooed at how pretty the necklace looked on you, your dad faces jaehyun with a wide grin on his face. "you didn't think we'd forget about you, did you?"

he probably wasn't expecting anything for himself, because you weren't either, so you and jaehyun simultaneously furrow your eyebrows. "oh, mr. l/n, you didn't have to–", he starts but your father is quick to cut him off, waving his hands. "what nonsense. of course we had to get you something, it's no big deal", he tries to appear nonchalant but the smile that creeps on to his face is a telltale sign that it is, in fact, a big deal. "besides, if you're family to y/n, you're family to us."

it's as if someone just stuck a large knife into you, the pang you just felt in your stomach. you can't even begin to think about what must be going through jaehyun's head, because even he can't hide the way his eyes soften at your dad's words. watching your sister spring up from the couch, she runs behind your father and plucks whatever he was holding out of his hands, now revealed to be a medium-sized bag. "i wanna give it to jaehyun!", with that, she's running over to him with the toothiest smile plastered on her cheeks, holding the bag out to jaehyun with stretched arms.

he ruffles her hair just like you did, but she makes absolutely zero complaints as he does it– if anything she's revelling in it. this makes you want to scoff, but you smile instead without thinking about it, taking a couple steps away from the mirror and towards them. "are you gonna open it or should i take it back to the store?", your dad jokes and jaehyun chuckles quietly while you don't even bother forcing a laugh, and he takes the bag from your sister's hands, mumbling a soft 'thank you'.

from where you're standing, you can't see what's inside the bag, but you can see jaehyun's eyes widen when he looks inside and back up at everyone. "me and mrs. l/n, i can't take this."

"of course you can", your mother tuts in response, dismissing him with her hand. "if i recall correctly, you had said something about your airpods not working properly?"

realisation dawns on your face when jaehyun pulls the shiny headphones from the bag, turning them over in his hand. "i think i did mention it, yeah...", he nods, eyes scanning over the clear box he holds. you remember that only one of his airpods would function properly, the other deciding whenever it wanted to do its job. you didn't realise your parents remembered, as well. "but these are so expensive, i can't–"

"do you like them or not?", your dad asks, shrugging his shoulders. jaehyun's quick to nod, "yes, i love them but–"

"then end of story." your father's not hearing anyone out, even going so far as to cover his ears jokingly when jaehyun opens his mouth again. after your sister tugs on his pant leg and urges him to try them out, jaehyun slips them over his ears, whipping his phone to connect them to it. he thought it was too expensive to try fixing his airpods so he resorted to listening with just the one ear in, or using your headphones till you broke up.

by the look on his face, they work just fine, and he couldn't be happier. a wide smile is pressed on his face, a real one that doesn't even drop when he makes eye contact with you. you smile back at him slowly, but he doesn't look away immediately, slowly turning to look at your parents. "i don't know what to say. thank you."

you'd had a couple boyfriends before, not none as close to your family as jaehyun had been. none of your previous relationships had lasted very long and you could never pinpoint the exact reason why, you just knew at some point that you had to break it off. your mother always thought that this was a result of your first ever relationship, the first and last man that ever dumped you. it crushed you at the time, though you were able to power through, but since then, relationships were never your strong suit. change seemed promising when you met jaehyun through a mutual friend, however. he was kind, he was smart and he was genuine, three traits that you didn't typically see in guys you dated, but you didn't see any reason to dwell on your biggest fumble yet.

the rest of time until dinner continues in a steadfast manner with all of you sitting in the living room. the scene looked like something out of a corny movie montage, but the beautiful part of it was that it was reality, all the laughs, the eye-smiles, the stupid jokes and conversations, all of it. your parents had recently returned from a holiday together that they took to celebrate their wedding anniversary, which meant that you two deserved to look through all eight hundred and sixty two of the photos they took. super proud of the new projector he had ordered off amazon, your dad had connected his phone to it and was going through his gallery slideshow-style, with your mom making offhand comments about every other photo.

"that's from when we went on a date to this fancy restaurant, that's from the shoe store your dad wanted to go to...oh! that's when your dad just learnt how to take 0.5x pictures on his new phone!"

your mom speaks animatedly while each photo is being shown, pointing out various different things without any prompting. there were badly taken selfies of your parents that made both you and jaehyun laugh, pictures of the different kinds of food they ate, the said 0.5's of your mother taken from the top of her forehead– your dad was slapping his knee even though your mom wasn't too impressed.

after what seemed like years, they ran out of vacation pictures and moved on to pictures and videos taken during your little sister's talent show. this was especially endearing, because your normally high-energy sister was suddenly all shy and avoidant of eye contact in the presence of jaehyun, particularly displeased with a video of her singing on stage.

jaehyun wipes the pout right off her face however, poking her cheek with a smile. "you sound amazing, s/n", he pipes genuinely, and she's back to smiling again, even offering to sing the song for everyone towards the end. no one has the heart to turn down so innocent a request, so for the next couple minutes you are subjected to a very slightly off-key rendition of some song from the movie 'frozen'. everyone cheers when she is done, jaehyun even throwing in a little "whoo!" for good measure, and your sister performs a small curtsey before seating herself between you and jaehyun's legs.

you're situated on the same couch, but only so that things don't look weird. you invited him here to pose as your boyfriend, and he agreed, so you have to play the part too. that part wasn't as hard as you expected, the acting like a couple, no, it was the avoiding questions that was really getting to you. at some point in the conversation, your dad had congenially asked jaehyun when the next time he'd be coming home was. normally, he would congenially reply with something like "as soon as possible", but this time, he just froze. he appeared to attempt a reply, but was cut short at "uh–", the rest of the sentence never following through.

hoping to repair the awkward moment, you start to construct a fib. "jaehyun's been uh– you know, working at one of those um, nursing homes–", this is too out-of-the-box a reply even for jaehyun who turns to you, trying and failing to the hide incredulous look on his face.

"a nursing home? oh, i didn't know you were training to be a nurse!", your mother is surprised but definitely not disappointed, placing her hand on her chest with a sympathetic look on her face as she looks at jaehyun. he looks as if he's trying to speak to you using only his eyes, widening and squinting them at a rapid pace, tilting his head towards you so your parents don't see his expression. there are clear signs of confusion and you're aware he's questioning your decisions, but that's as far as you get with his eye signals and you let him know by shrugging and wincing, so he closes them while sighing inwardly and turns to face your parents, a fake smile stuck on his lips.

"yes! haha, funny story, this one...", he grits his teeth but furthers your stupid concoction of a story, snapping his fingers while trying to think. "i'm not really training to be a nurse, i just volunteer there sometimes. love being around old people, you know, makes me feel full of life–"

you cut him off before he can make this even worse for the both of you, taking in your mother's furrowed eyebrows and your dad's slightly opened mouth. "yes, well, it's hard for him to catch a break, you know, with all the...", you slap your hand over his knee and give it a little squeeze, turning to him with a grin while he smiles tightly back at you, eyes focusing on the hand on his thigh without changing his expression. "...hard work he does."

jaehyun's eyes don't leave your hand, seeing as this is the first act of skinship in six months, albeit casual. your hand feels so hot that you think you might be burning a hole through the material of jaehyun's jeans, finally ripping your hand off of him.

"of course...", your father trails off in confusion, and no one can seem to make head or tails of the situation. in a moment, your mother pauses before clapping her hands, seemingly already forgotten about the strange situation as she chimes "dinner in five!~". your sister scampers off with claims of helping your mother out in the kitchen (and probably to try and secure a spot close to you and jaehyun), and jaehyun stands up and heads to the cupboard containing all your placemats without out even being asked. you offer to help but he shakes his head, and you opt to go sit back down on one of the arm chairs facing the kitchen area, just observing.

this was one of jaehyun's qualities that made you fall in love with him, but also pissed you off to no end. first of all, didn't he ever get tired of just being so good all the time? second of all, why couldn't his own parents see what everyone else saw in him? and thirdly, why did you choose to ruin your life six months ago? as for the last one, you knew why, but the extent of your stupidity was real apparent to you now.

you look away when he meets your eyes and catches you, your heart beating fast when you see out of the corner of your eye that his gaze lingers for a moment or two. underneath all that hatred, was there still a small part of him that cared about you? after you broke up with him, over call that too, he attempted to call you back two or three times, but you couldn't bring yourself to pick up. out of fear or maybe even shame, you never answered his calls and since then, you'd had no contact.

it was impossible. with a break-up like that and six month's worth of time to sit and think about it, you imagine that one could hold a surprising amount of hatred for someone–especially after a relationship as real as yours. if you switched the roles, you think you wouldn't feel much different.

at your mom's signal, you heave yourself off the couch and to the dining table, seating yourself next to jaehyun (everyone expected you to sit with him, they left the chair empty on purpose). your sister has already claimed the spot opposite jaehyun and was patiently awaiting the vegetables that she knew your mother was going to pile on her plate, a little pout forming on her lips at the sight of broccoli. "you can't make that face every time, like i'm feeding you dog food", your mother scolds her with a smile, giving her a generous helping of veggies. the pout deepens and she folds her arms with a cross look on her face. "you guys don't have to eat the broccoli. why do i?"

she's got a point, you think, but before you can tell her to just eat them, jaehyun speaks. "that's exactly what my little cousin sungchan said...", jaehyun tells her, looking around the table with a dramatic sigh. "and we all know what happened to him..."

little cousin sungchan? as far as you know, there is no little cousin sungchan, and you know a lot about jaehyun's family, so you put your fork down in favour of listening to his story at the same time your sister curiously asks, "what happened?".

"well, like you, sungchan didn't like eating his veggies", starting off the story with a shrug under your mother's listening ears, he talks in a low voice. "he'd always argue with my aunt till one day, he refused to eat them.

your sister is knocking food around her plate while she listened to jaehyun, and she's not impressed with the story so far. "see! why can't i do that?", she asks indignantly, and your mother shoots jaehyun a look to which he winced and continues. "nothing happened for a while, so sungchan thought he had proved his point. but he hadn't heard of the veggie monster."

the story is heading in such a stupid direction that you almost laugh out loud, but you catch yourself when you notice your sister's expression, guarded and wary. "...the veggie monster? ...that's not real...", she speaks like she's not fully sure of her words herself, pausing her attack on her food.

"sungchan thought that too", jaehyun agrees, lowering his voice like one would when telling a scary story, looking around him like it could be listening before continuing, for the story's sake. "but he didn't know that without veggies, a child's body is weak. their bones don't grow strong, they stay small and their minds aren't sharp at all. that's how the veggie monster chooses his targets."

you hold back a snort at your sister's wide-eyed expression and how serious jaehyun looks, he's even got your dad attempting to look nonchalant as he followed the story. "the less veggies a kid eats, the weaker they get, and that's easy pickings for the veggie monster. he comes late at night, and there's no point in hiding because he knows. he can smell when a kid doesn't have enough vitamins and it makes him hungry."

with your sister, your parents and even you hanging on to every word, jaehyun lowers his voice to almost a whisper, and all of you lean in closer to listen. "legend has it that he looks so scary that you lose the ability to move or speak, so he just takes you. sungchan was never seen again. the police said he was missing but i knew what happened to him."

you have to admit, jaehyun can tell a story. the atmosphere felt more eerie as he concluded the story cryptically, but your sister looks positively gutted. "did he take him?", she questions, face white and voice small. he nods slowly, like he didn't want to be talking about this, and all you can think about is how this man deserved an award after the show he put on. "i had my suspicions. no one believed me, but i'm ninety-nine percent sure that at dinner, i saw a pair of dark, red eyes staring straight into the kitchen from the window."

as if nature was a paid fucking actor, a slight crash sounds from outside the window on cue, like if a cat knocked over a plastic bin, but you're pretty sure your sister shit her pants. you've never seen her shovel vegetables into her mouth at that kind of record speed before, even your parents are looking at her astounded. with her food in her mouth, she pleads with glazed eyes, "please– i'm sorry, i'll have my veggies, don't let him take me!"

it takes all of you a little while to convince your sister that she'd be completely fine if she ate all the veggies given to her and that the veggie monster wouldn't even think of her, but it's safe to say that she'd never leave a bit of stray carrot on her plate ever again. your mom comically mouths 'thank you' to jaehyun which makes you laugh, and you turn to smile at him, and he gives you a nod in return. small steps, you think, because a nod is a whole lot better than a glare.

the rest of the dinner continues as if nothing changed. sure, you and jaehyun knew things were different, but it didn't fully feel like it at the moment. your mom had prepared a lot of nice food for the occasion, and your dad even helped, particularly proud of the way his stir fry turned out. jaehyun made sure to compliment both your parents on their cooking, and they all but melted– he still knew exactly how to talk to them. conversation was easy; you talked about work, you talked about how university was going, you talked about the school play your sister was going to take part in, about jaehyun's parents, nothing was forced.

you'd fall into comfortable silences at times in favour of sitting back and observing, listening, just being a part of the moment. for someone who was so reluctant to be here, jaehyun seems comfortable, the familiarity of the situation helping ease the tension between the two of you. expecting some bumps along the way, you were rather pleased with how things were turning out, but you were also anticipating the end of the lovely evening– where you and jaehyun would eventually go your separate ways. you don't want to think about it just yet, not when everything was going so smoothly, and your opportunity to snap out of your thoughts is presented to you, just not in the way you would have liked.

your mother's question seems to have thrown jaehyun for a loop as well, because his eyebrows are furrowed and he looks blatantly confused. at some point during a lull in the conversation, your mother had politely asked jaehyun how his christmas in japan had gone; the only problem with this question was that he never had a christmas in japan, not to his knowledge anyway. this, was yet another lie you had told your parents, when they had asked why jaehyun hadn't accompanied you home to celebrate christmas, like he had originally planned to. unbeknownst to them, you had already broken up with him prior to the christmas holidays, so jaehyun wasn't exactly going to come along anyway. so, you told them that he had to spend christmas with an aunt in japan, for familial reasons.

you didn't exactly have time to prep jaehyun and give him a run down of every single lie he had to play along with, so he turns to you with a look of uncertainty and desperation in his eyes. "my, uh- christmas? in japan?", he puts emphasis on the two keywords, not blinking when he speaks directly to you in hopes that you would take the hint and help him out.

"yeah, your christmas. in japan. with your aunt", you reply to him with the same tone and expression as he does, trying your best to sound subtle so your parents don't catch on.

"yes, with your aunt! we were so sad to hear that you couldn't make it for christmas", your mother is unknowingly helping jaehyun catch up with the fake story, and he releases a short "ahh" during his moment of 'recollection'. "right, my real aunt who definitely lives in japan."

he grits his teeth when he talks, making you grimace and the fact that your parents look completely puzzled doesn't help. you need to save your dignity anyway, so you try to cut jaehyun off before he can make things worse. "haha, jaehyun of course she's your real aunt, silly", you awkwardly chuckle, feigning nonchalance when you bump his shoulder with your fist, wishing you could telepathically communicate with him right now, but you'd probably only be saying "please, please, please" on repeat.

he sighs but speaks up again, much to your relief. "it was slightly boring, my aunt doesn't do much", he laughs softly, fully back in character. "but you know, it's still nice to spend time with your family."

if your parents are suspicious, they don't say anything, seemingly satisfied with jaehyun's answer. dinner continues with few hitches until jaehyun insists that he washes the dishes. "it's the least i can do, after you both made such delicious food."

your mother at least tries to argue with him for a bit, but your dad is quite happy to not have to wash dishes, patting jaehyun on the back before standing up. what surprises you however, is jaehyun turning to you with the sweetest, most fake smile you've seen in a minute plastered on his face. "you mind helping, y/n?"

smiling tightly, you nod and begin clearing the table. this is done in silence, neither of you even looking at each other as you pick up dishes and carry them to the kitchen. your sister has run off to the living room to watch some t.v with your dad, and it feels like you're finally allowed to breathe when your mother exits the room as you’re picking up the last dirty dish. walking into the kitchen, jaehyun's back is facing you while he washes dishes, the environment and the little tune he's humming making everything seem so domestic in your eyes. this is how dinner used to always go when he came over, with you and him washing the dishes together in the end, taking breaks to splash each other with the soapy water or making out secretly by the counter.

but the air is foreign now, none of the former warmth or softness remaining. he turns to you with a frown when you place the final dish on the side of the sink, and he really doesn't look too happy. "visiting an aunt in japan? really?", he scoffs, looking incredulous while you look sheepish, avoiding his eye contact entirely.

you were expecting something like this but you hated being put on the spot. "i don't know, okay, what else was i supposed to say?", the exasperation in your voice is evident but it only fuels jaehyun, and rightfully so.

"i got an idea, how about 'oh, he can't come because i dumped his ass over call for no reason, sorry'?", he digs snidely, voice laden with scorn. there it is. "or is that too close to the truth for you?"

he doesn’t even let you open your mouth, chucking the cloth he was using to dry the dishes on the counter somewhere, folding his arms while he looks at you in a hostile way. “you wanna know how i really spent my christmas, y/n?”, he sneers sardonically, a sarcastic smile etched on to his lips. “alone in my house. miserable. i wish i had an aunt in fucking japan that i could’ve spent it with.”

you hate to admit it, but his words sting and you are well aware that you deserve it. just asking him to join you for this dinner was a huge reach, a request you really didn't expect him to accept. you don't fully understand why he did, though. he clearly despised you, so many be it was out of love for your family? you know jaehyun cared for them, but doing all this was uncharacteristic even for him. when you don't say anything but wear an agonised expression on your face, jaehyun further questions you.

"do you not have anything to say for yourself?", he tries again, his voice a little softer and more hopeful than before but you look like you're fighting some internal battle that doesn't involve him. he exhales deeply, clearly disappointed in your lack of an explanation and just walks past you and out of the kitchen.

you remain in the kitchen for a couple beats more, trying your level best to collect yourself. you can feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes and your breathing is quicker, but this is the absolute worst time to have a little panic attack in the kitchen. how you wished the two of you could just forget about everything for a minute so you could wrap your arms around his figure and fall into his embrace, feeling like that would solve all your problems. it's selfish and wrong, but you know that you're not getting over jaehyun anytime soon.

you'd come to that conclusion a couple months back. the first month after you broke things off with him was possibly the worst time of your life, struggling to eat, sleep or even get out of bed. your friends urged you to reach out to him like they knew you wanted to, but you remained stubborn, convinced at the time that you had made the right decision that would hurt the least for the both of you. you were wrong, you could see that now, but you knew it was much too late. you'd already gone through all the stages of grief, but seeing jaehyun again in this environment had really gone and thrown a spanner in the works for you, all because of your terrible decision-making skills.

any hopes you had of the two of you at least being on semi-friendly terms had just flown out the window as well, and you suddenly think that this might've been the reason why jaehyun even agreed to come. an explanation. a well-deserved one at that. you don't know why you find it so hard to give him one, but you suspect it's because you're not ready to face all that yourself.

upon hearing your mother faintly call out your name, you realise how long you've been standing in the kitchen, taking a couple more deep breaths before you join the rest of them. it's clear that everyone's winding down, your sister curled up on your dad's lap, trying to blink away her sleepiness, while everyone else mutedly watched the television. "didn't mean to keep you all up past your bedtime", you try to joke lightheartedly because your parents look like they're about to hit the hay themselves, but it's really so that no one suspects you were having a little breakdown in the kitchen; especially jaehyun.

"you're not wrong", your dad agrees gruffly, stretching a little before tapping on your sister's cheek to wake her, much to her displeasure. "it's technically your mama's turn to put you to bed, isn't it?", he attempts, but is quickly shot down by your mother, pinching his arm after claiming it was certainly not her turn. after their grand performance, both of them comically turn to look at you with a suspiciously bright look in their eyes. you don't even have time to argue, because the second the hint of a sigh leaves your mouth, they're saying "thank you" and "how nice of you to offer", urging your sister to wake up to let her know that you'll be tucking her in tonight.

she perks up a little at this, nodding with a little glint in her eyes. hopping off your dad's lap, she sleepily totters over to you. "can jae come too?", her voice is hopeful and small, and she yawns in the middle of her sentence but she just has this certain charm that makes everyone unable to say 'no' to her. this includes jaehyun, because one look from her with her arms raised and he's picking her up, pretending to complain about it. you can't help but smile at the whole interaction.

"oh quick! before i forget...", your mom gasps in remembrance, picking her phone up from the coffee table with a tired smile. "don't know when i'll get to see the two of you again so, pictures!"

this may be the only part you were slightly prepared for. your mother had a special affinity for taking photos; not that she was any good at it, she just enjoyed capturing these little moments and treating her gallery like a scrapbook. she had more or less documented the entirety of you and jaehyun's relationship, from the first few months where all the photos were cheesy smiles and awkward poses, to when you had grown more comfortable around each other. in fact, a photo she had taken of jaehyun was your wallpaper for quite some time (it took a lot of effort and explaining to help your mom airdrop you the picture)– it was a shot of jaehyun and your sister grinning from ear to ear, both adorning aprons that were covered in flour after a failed attempt at baking cookies.

the point being, you're pretty sure jaehyun was also expecting the pictures, so it didn't really surprise you when he plastered a smile on his face and came to stand beside you. his hand finds the small of your back soon enough and it makes your body stiffen while simultaneously sending a jolt through it, and jaehyun feels it. mistaking the action for uneasiness, he immediately lifts his warm hand off you so that it's now hovering awkwardly over your body, though no one can see that from the front. while you are disappointed, you lean into him anyway, clasping your hands together behind your back as you both give the camera wide smiles. you're so close you can smell his cologne and it's making you dizzy, not because the scent is overpowering but because it's just so familiar and you can't get enough of it.

the moment is gone in a flash because your mother takes three to four photos while cooing at the two of you before she decides to call it a night, and then jaehyun is ripping himself from you. you don't think anyone else recognises it, the way he seems to want to be as far from you as possible because he's so good at masking these things, but you can feel it. you can feel this heat radiating off of his body whenever he's near you and it's not the warm, fuzzy kind of heat. the spot on your back where his hand rested still burns a little.

your parents are exhausted and look more than happy to be able to jump straight into bed, but not before thanking you and jaehyun. you hug and kiss them goodnight, promising that your next visit will be sooner than this one before they exchange pleasantries with jaehyun, making him promise the same. you know this has to be hard on him, making a mental note to apologise profusely before you part ways. with a reminder that the door now locks from the inside, they bid you goodnight and goodbye, trudging off to their room while your sister scampers up the stairs to hers, suddenly full of life.

you understand why your parents were more than happy to hand over bedtime duties to you and your "boyfriend", because putting your little sister to bed turned out to be a piece of work. she started off by blatantly refusing to brush her teeth, but jaehyun had that one sorted when he reminded her that the veggie monster had a lot of friends, so that was done. she changed into her pyjamas all on her own which was a relief, but you were at a loss over how to actually get her into bed.

you both humoured her for a bit, understanding that she was just happy to have her big sister and her big sister's nice boyfriend home again, so a little excitement was expected. jaehyun played along with her, which was a sight to see, following along with the characters she assigned him in her imaginary games. but when bouncing on her bed turned into running around the room like a crazed bunny, it was a little harder to convince her that she needed to sleep now. "look at me, i'm wide awake", she insists, widening her eyes with her fingers to show you both just how awake she was. jaehyun tried a couple times to catch her, but you're both taken by surprise at her remarkable speed and agility. in the end, you had to resort to just sitting down and hoping that she'll tire herself out, which eventually does happen.

she climbs into bed of her own accord, rubbing at her eyes while you pull the duvet over her body, up to her shoulders. "when are you coming next?", she mumbles curiously while you sit on the edge of her bed, jaehyun standing close by. "soon", you reply honestly, knowing that you'll always have a safe place to come to whenever you need. "maybe i'll even stay for a whole weekend next time."

she likes the sound of this, smiling tiredly with her hands peeking over the edge of her cover, holding it closer to her. "will you come too?", this question is directed towards jaehyun, who looks defeated when he opens his mouth to answer. it's not fair, expecting him to lie to your family like this, but you know you've gotta come clean soon. you'd made up your mind at this point and come up with a plan; you'd explain yourself to jaehyun and apologise after which you'll go your separate ways, then you'll tell your family the truth after tonight, or at least make up a more recent break up, and that's that.

when jaehyun looks to you for help, you play with your hands a little, not fully knowing what to say. "if the old ladies at the nursing home let him go, maybe...", is what you decide is the safest option to go with, and your sister seems satisfied enough, giggling drowsily. you know she's close to falling asleep, and you're about to inwardly celebrate a job well done when she pops her next, unexpected question. "will you both be together forever?"

oh. there's a hint of teasing behind her voice, but everything else about the question is innocent and genuine, blinking her eyes open so she can look at the both of you when you answer. though you're not touching him, you can feel jaehyun stiffen next to you, his voice sounding more than a little awkward when he lets out an involuntary "uhh".

"what do you mean, cutie?"

you don't know why he asks that, because it's a pretty straightforward question; will the two of you be together forever? you want to laugh at the irony because you know that if she had asked the same question last time jaehyun came home, you both would have exchanged knowing smiles, giggling shyly while you tried to answer. the answer would've been 'yes', and you know deep down that it still should be.

she clicks her tongue like it's the most obvious and easy question in the world, shrugging her shoulders when she speaks. "you know, that's what people do when they're in love,", she answers with no hesitation, and you want to roll your eyes because who kidnapped your little sister and replaced her with dhar mann? "just like mommy and daddy!"

"daddy and mommy are married, sweetie, it's a little different–"

"i know that", she cuts off your little improvised answer in a deadpan voice that almost makes you feel stupid, but all her questions have your heart thudding against your rib cage, and you're praying to god that jaehyun can't hear it too. "but still, they love each other, and that's why they're together forever. don't you love each other?"

you're pretty sure the world stopped spinning and your heart stopped beating simultaneously, most definitely not expecting these kinds of questions from your sister. how do you even prepare an answer for this kind of situation? you know for a fact that your cheeks are coated in a dark sheen of red, and out of the corner of your eye (because you refuse to look at him), you’re pretty sure you can see the distinct pink colour paint the tips of jaehyun's ears, like they always do when he's shy or embarrassed. you can't not give her an answer, because that looks weird and she's clearly waiting for one, but answering meant that you either tell her the truth, that no, you will not be together forever because your dumbass went and ruined everything for the both of you six months ago, or you can lie and say that she's right, which would be admitting a lot of things that you didn't want to admit–

"nothing's for sure, but you're right, if two people really do love each other...", jaehyun's deep voice brings all your spiralling thoughts to a halt, and you look at him for the first time in a bit, only to find that he's already looking at you, gaze raw and piercing. you hold your breath when he speaks, because you don't trust yourself at the moment. "...they'll end up together forever."

you hear your sister make some kind of a reply, but the heartbeat in your ears is so loud that you don't quite catch it, the eye contact you're holding with jaehyun so intense that it feels wrong to look away. what could he have possibly meant by that? or was it just some half-assed answer to get your sister to go to sleep? you realise that staring at him while trying to use your sixth sense to nonverbally convey these questions to him isn't going to work, but you can feel the lump forming in your throat, needing to get out of this situation quickly.

it takes everything in you to break the eye contact in favour of pressing a quick peck to your sister's temple, and she looks about ten seconds away from just crashing. "night y/n, night jae...", and with that she's out like a light, and you two wait wordlessly until her breathing evens out before silently exiting the room.

once her bedroom door is shut, you make a beeline for the front door, way too scared and vulnerable right now to look at jaehyun. he doesn't say anything, so neither do you, making sure the door is actually locked before taking your phone out of your pocket. the time on your phone screen reads '11:43', and you know it's too late to try and catch the metro or a bus, but you're too stubborn and embarrassed to ask jaehyun to drop you.

the air is cold outside, much colder than it was inside your warm house. at the current moment, there is no breeze either, the trees are still and there are only a few lights on around the street, and it just makes everything seem so still and loud. you look out at the road, eyes zeroing in on this one lamp post where you shared one of your first few kisses with the man standing beside you. it's crazy how time can change things, you think, because never would you have believed in the moment that jaehyun called you "the most beautiful girl in the world" before leaning in to sweetly connect your lips that he could ever be something so close to a stranger within months.

ultimately opting to look at him, you're once again unable to read the expression on his face as you try your best to speak your mind to him. "um, i'm gonna book a cab, so you're officially free to go. thanks again for tonight, you really didn't have to come with me, so i owe you one. or i don't have to owe you one, because we're not going to see each other again- anything's good with me, just uh...thanks."

he waits patiently for you to finish, and aside from the slightest hint of amusement in his eyes, you're at a loss over what he's really thinking, but his face is so stupidly handsome that you're feeling angry and a little awkward, choosing to look around, and at the floor, playing with your fingers as you spoke.

"you're so dramatic y/n, i can drop you home, it's no big deal", he's already walking towards the road and biting his lip, and you can't tell whether it's out of habit or if he's trying to hide a smile, yet something tells you that it might be the latter.

"so you just let me say all that even though you were gonna offer to drop me? dude..."

the initial ten minutes of the drive are uncommunicative, both of you choosing to look at the dark road instead of acknowledging the awkward silence that was swallowing the car up whole. you don’t talk about your argument in the kitchen, you don’t make small talk about dinner, you don’t talk. you'd normally play some music in the background and you know that your phone is definitely still connected to his car's bluetooth, but somehow it just doesn't feel right– punishing yourself by sitting in this impenetrable silence should do you better.

the roads are more or less empty, save for the lone car or bike that speeds past you. jaehyun knows the way to your house from your parent's because of the amount of times you've driven back and forth, so you don't feel the need to tell him to turn right or to keep going down a certain road, making for even more silence.

part of you is still a little thankful that it isn't the most short drive, even though you aren't even speaking to each other. all it takes is picturing your empty house, devoid of the homely domestic feeling it used to carry when jaehyun was a frequent visitor. what would you even do when you got home? wallow in self-pity over your life choices? play 'sweet' by cigarettes after sex because it reminds you of him, then put on his hoodie that doesn't even smell like him anymore, just so you can curl up in bed and have a good cry while you reminisce? you're starting to think that maybe attempting to talk to him isn't the worst idea, at least it'll give you something to cry about later.

you're going crazy wracking your brain, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't make the atmosphere even more uneasy, but all you got was "hey, thanks again for coming" and "hey, sorry for breaking up with you, what's good though?". you can't even help the wince creeping on your face, finally choosing to go with the former before you have a heart attack and die in jaehyun's front seat.

"thanks again for agreeing to come", you start, absolutely hating the break in your voice from not talking for some time. "you really didn't have to do that. and for dropping me."

he offers you a quick nod in your general direction and fixes his eyes on the road ahead like he was zipping through a crowded highway, though you're sure there isn't a car in sight. "like i said, it's cool", is all you get in return, and you have to remind yourself that he has every right to be short with you.

but still, you try again. "and you don't have to worry about my parents", chewing on your bottom lip, you actually look at him this time, hoping it'll prompt him to do the same, but it doesn't. "i'm gonna tell them the truth."

he releases a short breath from his nose like he finds your statement funny, but continues to not really say anything, just nodding to indicate that he heard you. you subconsciously clench and unclench your jaw at that, because god, he's so fucking annoying, but you swear you don't mean to release the slightly irritated sigh that you do. if you hadn't seen his knuckles turning white from how hard he's gripping the steering wheel, you might not have known that your little sigh pissed him off, because you can't tell it from his face, save from the barely-there eyebrow twitch.

you don't know what it is about car rides with only one other person that make you feel so vulnerable, but you think paired with this kind of silence, you could potentially confess to murder in this setting. it's infuriating, how unresponsive he is, and part of you thinks you're jealous of the control he's exerting, because you're dead sure that if you were in his position, you'd have a fair amount to say. it must be satisfying for him in a way, watching you squirm like this out of guilt and discomfort, but you know in your heart that jaehyun simply isn't like that.

"look, jaehyun", your mouth is working faster than your brain, the silence proving to be too much for you to handle. "i know i fucked things up a bit. with how i ended it and everything..."

perhaps you should've taken a little more time to properly articulate your thoughts, because even jaehyun can't control the astounded scoff that slips out of his mouth. you yourself can't believe that you chose to deliver your words like that and it makes you sound so self-righteous, but they're out, and now you're bracing yourself to finally hear what jaehyun really has to say.

"fucked things up a bit? are you serious?", you can hear it in his voice that he's holding back, but he chooses to laugh in disbelief instead, which you think is actually worse than him straight up screaming at you. "y/n, you didn't even bother telling me in person. you dumped me over the fucking phone, saying it wasn't working."

you now kind of wish that you had just kept quiet and sat in his awkward car, and exchanged awkward niceties when you reach home, never to see him again. but this is your final chance at some form of redemption, and now that jaehyun was actually speaking his mind instead of giving you tight nods, you tried to explain yourself.

"jaehyun, i know, i just–"

"i called you a bunch of times. i tried to come see you and everything, but you went and changed your lock and all your friends were saying you didn't want to see me?"

there goes trying to explain yourself. so you sat and listened instead, and it was the least you could do. jaehyun's voice became more and more strained as he talked, the emotions he was feeling now a lot more evident. he was angry, but more importantly, he was confused, and sad.

"i just- i didn't know what went wrong, you know? we were completely fine as far as i knew", he continues on in a laboured way and he's not looking for you speak right now, so you don't. "fuck i- i thought we were in love."

the little laugh he lets out in between his words more or less breaks your heart, the whole scenario sounding all too familiar. those exact words were the last thing you'd heard from jaehyun before you fully and cruelly broke things off, letting him know the decision was final before cutting the call. you remember that day so clearly. you had meant to go see him and explain all this in person, that’s the whole reason you were in the car, but for some reason, you just couldn’t do it. you remember how much your hands were shaking as you waited for him to pick up the call, sitting in the car by yourself in the middle of your driveway. how long you sat and cried after you ended the call, tears falling until there weren't any left. how it began raining the very second you stepped out of your car to go back inside.

the weather was a funny thing, choosing to mirror your mood only when it saw fit. it was warm and sunny on the day you broke up with him, gentle breeze and wispy clouds all around. it was warm and sunny this morning, the weather ever so pleasant as you plucked up the courage to walk to his door. it was still unusually warm and sunny for the couple months following your break up, feeling sour as ever that the weather was so lovely and all you could do was sit in your room and feel sorry.

you took note of all these occasions because it always used to piss you off. though you shiver now in the car, you think it's kind of satisfying in a way, because the only two times your mood and the weather lined up was right after the break up, and the second you stepped outside your house with jaehyun; it feels like a premonition, or a revelation of sorts. the grey of the stormy sky matched the absolute devastation you felt after breaking up with him, rain pouring from the heavy clouds like they were crying for you. now, the cold, still air feels like baited breath, awaiting your next move.

"and nothing, i hear nothing from you for six fucking months until you're suddenly on my doorstep, asking me to pretend to be your boyfriend for a night. that's fucking insane!", he sounds a little wild now, very exasperated, but you figure it's probably better to just let him get it all out of his system, and you'd do good to listen to him as well. everything he's saying makes complete sense, all the emotions he dealt with akin to what you would've gone through had it been you in his place. "and you know what's more insane? i agreed. after all that, i agreed."

that’s the part you don’t understand. your heart is racing listening to him and you have so many thoughts swimming around in your head, it's difficult to filter them. you feel similar to how you felt back in the kitchen, although this time you can't take a minute by yourself to get over it. you absolutely refuse to cry in this moment, not wanting to seem like you're trying to victimise yourself when you are aware you're the problem. but you can feel your heart breaking all over again.

"why did you agree?", you physically can't raise your voice to louder than a whisper, the tension too thick to try and overpower it.

"why did you dump me?", he counters like a child, and while you were expecting the question, it still makes you freeze up a little. he huffs in annoyance when you don't say anything, inclining his head while he waits expectantly for you to answer. "you wanted to talk? let's talk, y/n. you don't get to just waltz back into my life like it's nothing. it's not fair,"  it's so cold, the way he says your name, but you try your best not to let it further shake you, mustering up the courage to finally speak. "it's so stupid, jaehyun."

he looks like he's about two seconds away from just combusting, the only sound piercing the cold air being the gentle hum of the engine. "don't you think i deserve to know?", he urges, voice edged with hurt and frustration. "i spent the whole day with you and your family, pretending like everything was happy and normal when it's not."

"i know, jaehyun-"

"then, tell me."

you shift uncomfortably in your seat, teeth toying with your bottom lip as you avoid looking at him. "i don't know," you murmur, your voice barely audible to yourself over the pounding of your heart.

"you don't know?", he repeats incredulously, his tone tinged with disbelief. "after everything, you don't know? don't lie to me, y/n."

your throat tightens as guilt washes over you, but you try to stand your ground. "i just... i couldn't do it anymore," you confess, voice trembling with emotion.

"couldn't do what?", he presses, his frustration mounting with each passing moment. you know he doesn't believe you, dead set on getting the answers he deserves. he's driving slowly now, allowing him to turn his head in your direction more often.

"this!", you exclaim but immediately recoil when you see the look of hurt flash in his eyes. "no! not this, i mean- me! it's my fault, you did nothing wrong." you're saying all the wrong things, but you're too overcome with emotion to attempt to form a coherent sentence. still, you know it's time that the truth came out, so you continue to explain with a heavy heart.

"i didn't mean to hurt you," you choke out, and your voice is so thick you have to swallow before you carry on. he looks indignant and rightfully so, but you go on before he can interrupt you again. "but i was so scared, jaehyun."

his expression softens at your state, replaced with a mixture of sadness and resignation. "scared of what?", he asks quietly, his words hanging heavy in the air. you feel the need to pause for a moment, hands balled into tight fists as you try to regulate your breathing. you really didn't take into account how debilitating the night would be on yourself. sure, you knew it was going to be tough seeing jaehyun again, especially if he agreed to pretend to be together, but you weren't really expecting to hash it out like this, the weight of your decision pressing down on your like a leaden blanket.

the car moves so slow it may as well be still but  when you turn to him, you can feel the burn of jaehyun's gaze, his eyes searching for some semblance of understanding. "i loved you", he whispers, voice cracking with the intensity of his words. "i would've done anything for you."

you're still, you're so so still. tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you struggle to find the right words to say, but he's completely thrown you off. the car has slowed to a stop, engine idling before he eventually turns it off in favour of turning to you.

"that's exactly why," you reply weakly, your voice a fraction of the volume it normally is. he surveys you intently, his expression a mix of confusion and hurt, eyes reflecting the very same sadness you feel.

"what do you mean?"

"i was scared of hurting you," your confession does nothing to ease his confusion, but you can see he looks more shocked than anything now. "scared of hurting me?," he echoes, his uncertainty and disbelief palpable. "this is so ironic, it's almost funny..."

you think hearing any more of what he has to say is actually going to kill you internally, so you know you have to rush to explain before he starts giving you a piece of his mind again. "i know, it's so fucking stupid, jaehyun", your voice is trembling from the sheer guilt you feel, bottom lip quivering so much you have to bite it to get it to stop. "everything was going so perfectly, you were so perfect, and it scared me so much."

he falls silent, much to your relief, his expression even softening minutely as he processes your words and this gives you the encouragement to continue. "remember that night on the beach? on the trip last year?", you speak tentatively, wanting him to understand your thought process and the tangled mess of emotions swirling inside you at the time, though it's not much of a defense. the memory floods into your mind so vividly, and you can see it all; the salt in the air, the gentle breeze, the feeling of the sand, your intertwined hands swinging. it was so serene and you'd give anything to be there in that moment again, though it's nothing but a distant dream now.

he nods slowly without speaking, and you release a wet sort of laugh, feeling like you'd choke on the lump in your throat. "we talked about everything that night, our families, our childhoods, our futures...and then you brought up what would happen after we graduated college."

you know he remembers because his eyes light up with recognition and he looks like he's replaying that exact moment in his head, and you hope he remembers it with the same soft, gushy feeling you do. "you said you wanted to move in together, and don't get me wrong, i was thrilled, but it made me realise how...serious everything was, you know?", your voice catches in your throat and you're talking to yourself as much as you're talking to him and he seems to understand that, because he makes no attempt to stop you.

it's silent again for a bit as you two reminisce, but you break it again. "i just knew i was going to fuck up, jaehyun. maybe not right away, but eventually, and the thought terrified me," you sniffle a little, not being able to bring yourself to look up from your hands to meet his gaze. "that feeling never really went away, and it was eating me up from the inside. it got so bad that i had convinced myself that you were going to leave me, so i had to do it first, before i fucked up."

your sorrowful confession hangs in the air like an echo and you finally give in to the urge to look at him, and you're shocked– he looks at you so carefully, his expression soft, much, much softer than before. you couldn't stop the tears from finally falling if you tried , the soft glow of the dashboard illuminating the contours of your now wet face. your shared eye contact makes you feel nervous, but not in the way you were expecting– it's too gentle, too raw and it makes you feel a certain way.

"i know it's not an excuse," you're blubbering so much that your cheeks feel hot, you're practically falling apart in the passenger seat of jaehyun's car while he watches and lets you pour all your miseries out onto him. "you don't know how much i regretted it...but i thought i did the right thing. for the both of us. even though i just ended up doing what i was trying to avoid by hurting you."

it's too much now, jaehyun's too silent, and too not-angry for your liking; why is he looking at you in a way that makes you feel like he doesn't think you're the worst person in the world? you can't hold back the sob that's building in your chest, doubling over in favour of pressing your hands against your face and bawling into them. you're not too loud a cryer, but the tremors of emotion you feel are making your shoulders shake, so you're crying silently into your hands while trembling. however guarded he tries to be, the gentleness of his voice overpowers it as he speaks. "i know, shh...," he murmurs and you can't believe your ears, that the man you thought hated you is actually attempting to comfort you after everything. "breathe, y/n."

like it's second nature to him, his hand travels to your back as the sobs wrack through your body, immediately drawing soothing circles on to your covered skin with his thumb. you don't know how but this almost makes you feel worse, the fact that he's still so caring towards you. you pluck up the strength to lift your face from your moist hands, and you're sure it's not a pretty sight that greets him. your nose feels unbelievably stuffy, and your face is on fire when you meet his sympathetic eyes, the warmth from his gaze and hand spreading throughout you, even though he's now removed it. "i'm sorry," you manage through sniffles, but you think you almost flatline when he reaches his hand towards your face, ever so gently caressing it. his thumb juts out and sweeps across the skin under your eye, wiping away at the wetness. "i know."

"shh, it's okay. you're okay", he coos gently and slowly takes his hand back in favour of imitating slow breaths for you, helping you relax a little as you copy him. "why would you think i'd leave you?", he asks carefully once you've calmed down a bit and wiped your tear-streaked face, simply surveying you now. all you can offer him is a defeated shrug, attempting to collect your thoughts. "remember i told you about my ex? the very first one?"

he nods.

"i moved on obviously, like ages ago, but since then i think i've always had this idea that getting dumped is inevitable", you try to explain, voice small as he listens patiently. "it was either leave them or get left, and i was so scared that it would happen with you, that i'd fuck up so bad that you would leave. i couldn't do it."

he frowns and calls out your name in a way that sounds like he's about to lecture you, but you know he can't tell you anything that you haven't already told yourself. "i know, jae, it was so stupid, i know. i don't regret anything more", you sigh, giving him a tight, small smile when you lock eyes. "i'm sorry."

you notice his eyes soften at the nickname, releasing a quiet huff before he runs a hand through his hair. his body language doesn't carry the same anger it did before when he was ranting, now looking subdued and reflective. "i understand why you did what you did. it was stupid, but i understand", he murmurs, his voice impossibly soft when meeting your gaze, the eye contact so intense that you have to physically remind yourself not to cry again by digging your fingernails into your palms. "i would've never left you."

you nod slowly at his admission, his words hanging in the air. "i should've just talked to you...", you concluded in a sullen way and he doesn't reply in full, just mumbling a soft "yeah" under his breath. you don't mind the silence that fills the car this time, the underlying tension more or less dissipated, but you do notice the time, realising that jaehyun still needs to go back home after dropping you.

"should we, uh...", you gesture towards the road and he jumps up in his seat, as though he forgot that he was driving you somewhere in the first place, muttering "sorry" before twisting the key to start the car. this makes you let out an involuntary giggle and jaehyun shoots you a quick glare which immediately shuts you up, a certain warmth blooming in your chest when you see a small smile creep on to his face out of the corner of your eye.

it's quiet for a bit, jaehyun focusing on the road while you gaze out the window. much to your dismay, both the road and the various buildings and shops start to look a lot more familiar, indicating that you are nearing your home. you shouldn't be dismayed really, because this wasn't the most congenial of car rides, but it means that your time with jaehyun is coming to an end. you don't know what the conversation that took place means for you and him however, because unless you're alarmingly stupid, you feel that he may not hate you as much as he once did. does this mean you might even be able to see him again sometime? in a setting where you're not sweating and shaking at just the thought of seeing him?

you think it might be a bit audacious of you to ask that, so you don't. instead, you turn to him with a light grin, playing with the necklace clasped around your neck. "hey, at least you got some new headphones out of all of this", you joke lightheartedly, eyeing the package sitting on the backseat. he lets out a heartwarming chuckle at your comment, glancing at the bag through his rear view mirror. "i can't believe your parents bought that for me. you think they'll make me return it when they find out we aren't together?", he remarks, and you do your best to ignore the little pang you feel at the reminder of your situation. his comment does make you snort though, and you nod along with him. "nah, you need it more than anyone. your airpods have seen better days."

he laughs again, and you wouldn't believe that you two were arguing back and forth like madmen some twenty minutes back. this feels familiar and comfortable, and you cross your fingers in case you jinx it. "do you remember that time when we planned a picnic..." jaehyun begins, a sense of nostalgia shining through his cheeks. "and you forgot to bring the speakers? and we tried blasting music through my one airpod?"

you can't stop the peals of laughter that escape from your mouth as you nod, covering your mouth when your snort makes him laugh as well. "remind me why we didn't just play the music straight from your phone?", you question, replaying the memory in your mind like it was recent. he pauses to think for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck while he hums. "yeah, what the fuck? why didn't we just do that?"

you're laughing in unison as you take this trip down memory lane together, the next few minutes of the car ride consisting of exclamations of "oh! remember when..." and "that time when...", both of you adding on to the memories with your own perspectives and insights. the fact that the conclusion of your little dispute remains ambiguous doesn't bother you too much at the moment, happy to just enjoy the warm atmosphere while you can.

jaehyun's animatedly recounting a story about your sister downloading a game on his phone when you face him, and the last thing you remember paying attention to was that she had somehow managed to spend a large amount of his actual money on it. your eyes are focused on him now, just studying him, and he seems to realise that you aren't listening to his story when he glances at you.

"what?", he questions, the corner of his eyes crinkling when he narrows them at you in an playful manner, taking one hand off the steering wheel to drum absentmindedly on his thigh. "nothing, i just...", you trail off, scanning his features. "you changed your hair. it's...nice. i wanted to tell you that earlier."

he clearly wasn't expecting the compliment, mouth opening and then closing as he tries to think of an admissible reply. "you like it?", he then asks, a shy smile tugging at his lips when he consciously cards his fingers through the longer bit at the back. at your reaffirming nod and heavy gaze, the expected pink sheen dusts his cheeks and though you can't see them, you know the tips of his ears are pink too. he mumbles something of a timid "thank you", both of you smiling like idiots while he trains his eyes on the road.

not too soon after, his car is pulling into your dark driveway. you can't help the sinking feeling in your chest, lips curved slightly downwards. none of the lights are on, save for the streetlight, illuminating the street in a ghostly, dim way. your house looks just like it had for the past many months, gloomy and lonely, and you're absolutely dreading the idea of moping around once again. if this day spent with jaehyun has showed you anything, it's that you're a 100% sure you've not moved on, and that you won't for a long, long time. simply put, you're still in love with him, and you'll have to carry the cross of your mistake for some time to come.

he switches the ignition off but neither of you move. you're sat in your dull driveway on an otherwise empty street, all the other lights of your neighbouring houses off. neither of you say anything, mostly because you're not sure what one is supposed to say in this situation, so everything is still.

"so–"

"well–"

you let out a nervous chuckle while he smiles a bit, both of you mumbling apologies for interrupting each other. "you go first", jaehyun compels you, but now you don't know what to say because you were just going to make it up as you speak. your mouth has a way of working faster than your brain sometimes, but neither seem to be too functional at the present moment. "no, you go", is all you got, and jaehyun has the nerve to roll his eyes, twisting in his seat a little so he's facing you.

"i was just going to say that we uh, reached your place", he claims in a deadpanned manner, but your car door is still locked and your seatbelt is still locked in. you think you must have lost your mind, hoping that he'd tell you to stay with him forever and never leave (which you would have agreed to in a heartbeat). "i guess we have...", you nod, looking out the window and observing your home. maybe it was the dread of going back to your old routine that gave you the sudden boost of confidence, but you realise he never answered your question from before.

"jaehyun...", you begin but falter when you think you might be overstepping, ultimately deciding to just ask anyway when he looks at you expectantly. "why did you agree to come today? we both know you didn't have to."

he looks like he was dreading the very question you asked for some time, shutting his eyes when he leans his head back against the headrest and sighs. "i don't know", is the answer he gives you, voice muffled through the palms of his hands that are rubbing his face tiredly. biting your lip, you have to hold back a similar sigh because you should've known he's not going to just tell you like that. you have no right to press, but yet you do, one more time. "jaehyun, please?"

maybe it's because you sound so meek, but he drops his hands in favour of looking at you, really looking at you, like he's searching your eyes. "why do you think?", he turns it back on you, but you know this is just his way of avoiding the question. "if i knew, i wouldn't be asking. i know you don't have to tell me, you don't owe me a single thing, i just–", you speak desperately with all of the confidence you can muster, worried that your bottom lip would start trembling again. "please, i need to know."

you're looking each other dead in the eye, and while your voice isn't strong, it's honest and raw, and jaehyun can sense that. you can see that there's a million thoughts running in his mind just by the pained look in his eye and your own heartbeat has picked up, the sound deafening in your ears.

"if you haven't figured it out by now, i don't know what to tell you."

thud. thud. thud. you wonder if he can hear your heartbeat over the sound of his, but the blood pumping through your veins is making your ears ring, because what did he mean by that? you hope it means what you want it to mean, but you can't just assume you know everything because you're delusional at this point. "jaehyun, what are you sayi–"

"i agreed because i'm still in love with you."

there it is. the silence after his confession is positively deafening, your mouth agape as your try to register what you just heard. your eyes flicker between his, searching for any signs that he's just messing you and that it's some cruel joke, though it would be completely in his right to fuck with you if he wanted. he's never looked more vulnerable, eyes trained on you in an almost frantic way, like he himself can't believe what he just said. the way he just blurted it out makes you think that he didn't fully mean to admit that, but it's out, nothing he could do to take it back.

"what?", your own voice sounds like an echo and you wish you had something else to say because you heard him loud and clear, but there's a burning ache in your chest that claws all the way up to your throat. the shock is evident in your voice, not knowing what to do with yourself as you visibly process his words. "tell me you're joking", you plead in a pained way, words barely above a whisper. he doesn't say anything, looking lost in his own thoughts as his eyes scan your face. "you don't hate me?"

"hate you?", he scoffs disconsolately, shaking his head slowly. "i couldn't hate you if i tried. and believe me, i tried."

you can hardly believe your ears. you know your heart shouldn't be pounding the way it is, it feels wrong almost for you to be feeling as relieved as you are. "after everything?", you insist dumbfoundedly, but the longing in your voice is palpable, even if you're trying to give him a way out. "i was so horrible to you, jaehyun." you hate the way your voice cracks, but jaehyun just sighs and offers you a sad smile.

"there's nothing you could do to make me hate you."

it's heartbreaking, how defeated he sounds, but he's also looking at you like you could do no wrong in his eyes. "i never moved on", you whisper, hesitance clear as you tell him the truth. "i couldn't delete any of our pictures, i still have all your clothes, sometimes i accidentally set the table for two when it's just me..."

he's blinking quickly, and if you didn't know any better, you'd say he was trying to hold back tears. your break-up did nothing but cause immense amounts of pain for the both of you, and you'd give anything in the world to make up the time lost. his wide-eyed and nearly motionless expression urges you to continue, ready to pour out your heart to the man you loved.

"i still have your number memorised", your face mirrors his, voice growing stronger by the minute. "all the gifts and letters you've ever given me, they're all still there in that shoebox in my cupboard."

"i thought about you everyday", his whisper is raspy, speaking right after you do. "every party i went to, i looked for you even though i knew you wouldn't be there. you know johnny tried setting me up with people?"

you try to suppress the little sting, but you feel it deep inside you. "he did?", you have to clear your throat, and you almost don't want to ask but you do anyway. he releases a sad little chuckle and nods, toying with his fingers. "yeah. i knew i was doomed when the whole date, i wished she was you."

the smile finds its way on to your face against your will, feeling that familiar lump make its way to your throat. "she could've made you happy, jae", you argue anyway because at the end of the day, you want the best for him, and you know you're far from the best.

"no one could make me feel the way you do, y/n", he replied honestly, and there's a sense of finality to his words, like he'd had this same argument with himself time and time again, only to come to this conclusion. “the thought of anyone else touching you made me sick”, he croaked, not missing the way his eyes ghost over your frame.

his words bring about a noticeable shift in the air, followed by silence. he watches you, and you watch him, breathing slow as your eyes dart across his face.”i don’t want anyone but you”, you confess slowly, and a few beats pass before you find it in you to speak again. "i love you, jaehyun."

silence.

you expected disapproval, maybe even a malicious scoff, but you certainly weren't expecting to feel a soft pair of lips against yours as he suddenly lurches forward.

you're stunned, so stunned that you don't even reciprocate the kiss, lips unmoving against his. it's only when he takes this as a sign of discomfort and breaks the kiss that you find yourself reacting, hands immediately making their way to caress his cheeks, leaning forward to chase his lips and close the distance between you. he lets out a sound of surprise against your lips but kisses you back right away, a hand wrapping around your neck from the back, tangling itself in your hair. the kiss is heated and so long overdue, tangible through the way his lips meld furiously together with yours, teeth clashing every now and then.

your hands make their way to his broad shoulders, one wrapping around them while the other comes to rest on his chest, gripping the material of his hoodie. you have the urge to be impossibly close to him, trying to lean forward to kiss him more fully but you're restricted by your seatbelt. it's almost as if he can read your mind, because the hand placed against your face now moves to press on the buckle to release you without breaking the kiss. "fucking seatbelt...", he mumbles disgruntedly against your lips, fiddling with the button until you hear it click, finally separating yourself from him to slip it over you. "there we go."

you don't stay separated for long because jaehyun uses the hand behind your head to pull you towards him again, capturing your lips in a way that makes all the air leave your lungs. "come here", he grunts, using his long arms to pull you clumsily over the gearshift and straight on to his lap. you settle yourself in to the somewhat awkward position in the enclosed space, but that's the last thing on your mind when all your thoughts consist of jaehyun, jaehyun, jaehyun. his lips are back on yours in a instance, tongue sweeping across your bottom lip messily and you gladly allow it to explore your mouth.

the air is impossibly thick, heavily contrasting to the cold weather outside the car, even his lips and hands feel warm against your hot body. you feel his hands grip your waist easily in this position, lips leaving your own to drag across the expanse of your jaw. you whine quietly at the feeling of his mouth sucking a particular spot on your neck, tilting your head back as you wrap your arms around his neck. "missed this", he muses, tongue peeking out to kitten lick at your neck, breath hot against your sensitive skin. "missed you."

the feeling in your chest when his hands find their way under your shirt and on to your bare skin is inexplicable, unable to stop the soft moan from tumbling from your lips when his big hands glide over your stomach, back and finally your breasts. everything about the way he's touching you and kissing you is greedy and urgent, like he's afraid you'll disappear from his arms if he loosens his grip even by a little bit. you'd be a fool to not match this energy, pressing into him while you squeeze your hands over his. "need you so bad, jae."

you're subconsciously grinding down against him needily, hips stuttering against his lap like you've never been touched before. "fuck", your eyes widen at the groan that leaves his throat, sounding absolutely guttural as he grips the skin of your hip harshly.

he's barely done anything and you're coming undone right in front of his watchful eyes, your panties dampening at the look on his face. "jae..", you whine when his fingers dip past the waistband of your pants, gently cupping your clothed core as you rut against it. "shit, baby", he marvels at the stickiness of your panties, feeling your wetness on his fingers just through the material. "you really missed me, huh?"

you don't even have the time to respond to his cocky remark before his fingers are slipping beneath the band of your panties to circle your clit, spreading the wetness around your folds. a breathy sigh escapes your lips, throwing your head back as he experimentally prods at your entrance and eventually slips a finger inside. "still so tight for me", he all but groans, pumping his finger in and out of you languidly, drinking in the sounds of your pleasure. he feels so blissfully familiar, and though you haven't been touched by him, or anyone for that matter for months, the stretch of his second finger feels the same kind of intimate as it did before, if not more.

you lean forward and press your lips against his once again, kissing him like you might never get the chance to again, all while you're grinding back down on his hand that's fingering you steadily with a thumb circling your clit at the same time. his free hand moves to bunch your top up above your breasts, peppering kisses over the tops of them. he wastes no time in pulling your breasts free from from their cups, attaching his lips to one nipple and swirling his tongue around it in a way that makes you cry out. "my pretty girl", he mumbles almost to himself while cupping your other breast, making a show out of it as his tongue flicks over your hardened bud over and over until your arching your back and pressing it further into his face. “thought about this all the time.”

keeping in mind that you're still technically in a public place, you bite your lip to contain the sounds of your pleasure, though jaehyun doesn't make it easy when he notices this and increases the pace of his fingers. the hand fondling your breast leaves it unattended for a moment to release your bottom lip from your teeth, smoothing his thumb over the swollen skin. "i've waited months to hear these sounds. let me hear you, baby", he all but purrs and that's all it takes for a moan to tumble out of your mouth, pressing your forehead against the side of his face while you screw your eyes shut out of pleasure.

with his attack on your sensitive buds and his fingers pistoning inside of you, you know you aren't going to last long. "already?", jaehyun chides with a small smirk, and it's embarrassing how well he knows your body, grazing his teeth against your nipple in a way that feels painful and heavenly at the same time. you can feel his rock hard bulge against you, and with the untimely grinding of your hips against him, you're sure this is torturous for him. "don't wanna come like this", you whine against his cheek, your entire body feeling sticky from the heat inside the closed vehicle. your puckered lips leave wet kisses all over the expanse of his cheek, and the boyish giggle that leaves his mouth makes your heart flutter. "wanna feel you, jae."

his head is thrown back against the headrest and his eyes are shut tightly, jaw clenched as he slowly slips his fingers out of you. though you whine at the loss of contact and you're almost grinding against the air, you want nothing more than to make him feel good as well. "want you to fill me up", you coo at him, softly linking your hands behind his neck as you test the waters with your words. it's clear they have an effect on him, both hands placed on your hips as he helps you lazily grind against his erection. "don't– have a condom", he grits out, hips bucking up to meet yours. "don't need one", you murmured immediately, knowing he wants this as bad as you do.

his eyes flicker open at that, one hand leaving your hip to brush some stray hairs away from your face, gently tucking some behind your ear. you could melt at the way he's looking at you, so tender and loving, a warmth spreading all over you until you feel like you have to look away. he doesn't let you however, hand quickly coming you to cup your cheek before leaning in place a small peck against your lips. "are you sure?", he sounds breathless, but still firm as his eyes glance between yours like he's reading them.

if he can read them, he'll know that you can't nod fast enough, dragging your hips across his needily to show him. "i'm sure. i want you, jae.", you're so needy that you don't even bother to take your pants or panties off fully, fingers fumbling with the waistband as you shimmy them down a little, leaving your underwear on. you swear your mouth waters when he unbuttons his pants and lets his cock spring out against his stomach, lustful eyes taking in the way he keeps his shirt up with his teeth. if this weren't such an awkward position, you'd have taken him in your mouth in an instant, knowing exactly what to do to hear the man in front of you whimper.

nudging your panties to the side, he focuses on collecting your wetness all over the tip of his dick, hissing at the contact. "please", you whine, not wanting to waste another moment, finally sighing in relief when he begins to press his cock inside you. he swears under his breath at the feeling, and you're feeling so stretched out just from him slipping it in even though you're still so wet that you just go lax in his arms until he bottoms out. "that's it", he grunts like he's holding back. "taking me so well, angel."

you preen at his praise, finally beginning to move your hips a little at his coaxing. sighing against the shell of his ear, he picks up the pace for you, not warning you before thrusting upwards to meet your movements with a groan. you can feel your mind going blank at the sensation, your moans sounding more like cries whenever he snaps his hips into yours, the obscene sounds filling the car. you're just so full, his hands gliding up and down your sides as he fucks deep inside you, making up for all the lost time. "you feel so good, baby", he barely gets his words out, but it gives you the encouragement to bounce up and down on his thick cock a little faster than before, his eyes widening at the feeling. "just like that."

he's kissing and sucking all over your neck again, lips ghosting over whatever skin he can reach and it's all so much, feeling a single tear stream down your face. he almost slows down for a second when he feels the tear drop on to his own face, eyebrows raised in surprise because he thinks he's hurting you, but he's even more shocked when you let out the high-pitched whine. "what's wrong, angel?", he mumbles into your neck, peering up at you carefully. you shake your head profusely, continuing to grind down on his cock. "i just- just love you so much, jae", you blabber incoherently, so wet that you're practically gushing around his dick.

"aw, baby", he shushes you sweetly, pressing his forehead against yours as his thrusts become more and more erratic. "i'm here. not going anywhere." the coil in your stomach is tightening and you can feel every inch of him inside you, more tears threatening to spill from your eyes before he's kissing them away. "i'm here."

he's hitting all the right spots inside you in this position, and he's basically doing all the work because you're like putty in his strong arms, all you can do is moan and cry out against him weakly. "i'm close", you warn him, but you know he already knows that, and you know he is too, slipping your hand down to where his rests on your hip and interlacing your fingers. "me too, pretty", he sputters through his teeth, giving your hand a tight squeeze as you start to come undone. “want you to cum. can you do that for me?”

"oh my god", you're crying out as you cum around his cock, body and mind going numb and ears ringing as the coil finally snaps. "cum inside me, jae, please", his eyes go wide at the way you're begging him, and he doesn't look like he can hold back much longer. "fuck angel, you- you sure–"

"yes, please, need you to fill me up", you cut him off, too sensitive from the way he's helping you ride out your high to move anymore. with a few more sloppy thrusts, his cock is twitching inside you before you lets out a guttural groan, his warm cum filling you up. you go limp against him, face nuzzled into the crook of his neck as the both of you try to regulate your heartbeats.

the sounds of your heavy breathing fills up the car along with jaehyun's soft murmurs of "so perfect" and "did so well for me". any doubts you had in your mind of this being a mistake in jaehyun's eyes are wiped away when he begins petting your head, gently smoothing your messy hair as he presses firm kisses to your head. his cock softens inside of you but he makes no move to pull out, wrapping his arms around your waist while you do the same around his neck, simply sitting in each other's presence silently.

you struggle but finally pick yourself up, gazing at his moonlit face from your place on his lap. “you okay? was that okay?”, he murmurs softly, his voice thick and eyes hazy as he traces little shapes on your back. “more than okay”, you reply tiredly, pressing your lips against his once again because you feel you’re in a dream-like state right now. you're sure he's the most beautiful man you're ever had the privilege of looking at, feeling incredibly vulnerable when you speak again even though he's looking at you with nothing but love in his eyes. "now what?", you question, suddenly feeling like you've jumped the gun when he opens his mouth to say something but stays silent. "never mind, don't answer that, we'll talk about it later", you shake your head, laughing a little breathlessly when he grins at you, pecking his forehead sweetly.

you look away from him and at your lifeless house, mouth working faster than your brain once again. "would you...want to come in?", you wince, feeling kind of stupid for asking but meaning it anyway. you're both comforted and thrilled when a large grin is plastered on to his face, feeling like maybe your home won't be as lifeless anymore.

"i think i'd love to come in."

[amaranthineghost]

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🥥 ꒱ TWO WHEEL DRIVE: CROSSWALK COLLISION ( lando norris. )

lando norris x biker!reader

it's race week in miami, but instead of being on four wheels, lando has some two wheel trouble. he feels bad enough to where he turns to twitter to help find the girl he nearly caused a collision with.

authors note: I love bikers so I had to do this (and I know that lando didn't help oscar win his sprint, but she doesn't know that! yet!!!) second and third part will be out in the next few days or so!

2 3

ynusername

liked by yourbsf and 2,947 others

ynusername sunset ride and almost hitting a guy on the crosswalk core!! 🤗🤗🤗

view all 96 comments

yourbsf always so fun to ride with you 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 maybe next time don't almost hit a pedestrian? 😅

user this is the girl lando was looking for?! SHES STUNNING

⤷ ynusername who's lando? 😅 and thanks babes 🫶🏼🫶🏼

⤷ user oh lando? we go way back, he helped rescue my cat from a tree!

⤷ user yeah, he's a real one, he gave cpr to my goldfish after it flopped onto the carpet 🤗🤗🤗

user hello??? SHES SUCH A BADDIE

user thanking lando for helping us discover this gorgeous woman

⤷ user right like maybe she did us a favor by almost running him over...

user the internet becoming his wingman so he doesn't fumble this baddie 😭😭

⤷ user lando norriz and nowins better prove one of those statements wrong soon 🙌

user nahhh because what's wrong with her?? nearly running him over and then posting with a stupid caption about it?? 🙄🙄🙄

⤷ user this girl clearly doesn't understand who he is 🫣

user i need to see lando on a bike, he'd rock that shit

ynusername

liked by landonorris and 6,037 others

ynusername safe to say i won't be falling asleep tonight 🫶🏻

view all 174 comments

user HELLO??? IS THAT LANDO

user OH MY GOD

user bro's doing charity work out here

user LANDO NORIZZ HAS RIZZ?? (he rescued my entire family from a house fire)

user please LET THAT BE LANDO

yourbsf i thought i was your backpack 😕

⤷ ynusername you are bbg i just gave a man a short ride

⤷ yourbsf uh huh 🤨

user lando backpack confirmed

user lando actually rescued me from a desert island on his multi-million dollar yacht!

landonorris pretty sunset

❤️ by author

user im gonna faint, lando commented

user EVERYBODY STAY CALM!!!

oscarpiastri lando actually helped me win a sprint race

user she's clearly just using him

⤷ user stay mad

landonorris

liked by ynusername and 807,438 others

landonorris i think two wheels suits me

view all 6,273 comments

user omg that's the same sunset in ynusername's post??

user lando on a bike? YES PLEASE!!!

user i can barely handle him with four wheels, i don't know about two!!!

user oh my god the second picture is goals

ynusername what a cute cat! 😊

⤷ landonorris not as cute as you

user im not the only one who saw that comment from lando right?

⤷ user no i definitely saw that

user HE HAS RIZZ I FEAR!!

user i know my goat

user backpack lando has too much power

⤷ user lando anywhere near a bike has too much power

ynusername

liked by mclaren and 50,974 others

ynusername sorry i had plans <3

tagged alexandrasaintmleux, iamrebbecad, mclaren, landonorris

view all 1037 comments

user oh my GOD SHE WAS AT THE RACE?

⤷ user i bet lando asked mclaren to invite her 🥺

landonorris thank you for coming to support me on four wheels this time!

⤷ ynusername of course, i had so much fun and you deserve it so much! 🫶🏻

⤷ user smooth lando, smooth

⤷ user on four wheels this time...THIS TIME?!

user stop she was there supporting lando MY HEART

⤷ user i can't take it I LOVE THEM

alexandrasaintmleux so amazing to see you darling 🌺 can't wait to see you again

⤷ ynusername i had such an amazing time, i love you so much 🥹 i'll be waiting impatiently

user stop the other wags interacting with our new (potential) wag

user i need to see her with all the other wags now

⤷ user it's a must

iamrebeccad a pleasure to meet you! you looked absolutely stunning and i look forward to hanging out again!

⤷ ynusername i love you so much, you are drop-dead gorgeous! i would love to hang out again soon 🫶🏻

user the way everyone loves her

⤷ user i mean, can you blame them? she's a hot, incredibly stunning and badass biker who's insanely sweet and kind! who wouldn't love her?!

⤷ user i don't blame them, i fear i would gravitate towards her like a magnet if i ever met her 🥲

mclaren lovely having you at the hospitality! should keep you around if it means our drivers will win 😉

⤷ ynusername thank you for giving me this amazing experience and opportunity! i'd love to do it again sometime 🫶🏻

user MCLAREN'S COMMENT??

⤷ user please let this be a sign

⤷ user mclaren please we need to see them again

user they need to be together

⤷ user as much as i would love to see them together, she lives in miami and he's leaving 😭

⤷ user no shush i'm manifesting

⤷ user okay real i'm right there beside you

landonorris

liked by ynusername and 1,028,202

landonorris nowins and norizz? okay lol

view all 9,263 comments

user HELLO SOFT LAUNCH!!

⤷ user soft launch, but we already know its them

⤷ user let them have their fun!

user bro really said lol

user lando has a win and rizz??? is the world okay???

ynusername so proud of you! you deserve it 🫶🏻

⤷ landonorris i won because you were watching

⤷ user lando said "this one's for you" and SCORED

oscarpiastri congrats on the win mate

⤷ landonorris thanks osc!

user LANDO CALLING OSCAR 'OSC' MAKES IT EVEN BETTER

—

taglist (found here): @poppyflower-22 @sapphiccloud @darleneslane @decafmickey @slut4lrh @kaa12 @taylorslovesswifties13 @sbella13 @nhlfs @beskardroids @hiireadstuff @lorenica @delululeclerc @c-losur3 @casperlikej @soamericn @tellybearyyyy @geniusalpaca @namgification

proofread by @foreveralbon <333

[tonycries]

Why Can't I Keep My Fingers Off You? [Part 2] - G.S. 

Synopsis. “Besides, Toru, just because it worked for you doesn’t mean it’ll work for me.” “Wanna bet?” For Satoru, convincing you to take the aphrodisiac chocolate too wasn’t the hard part - the hard part was being shoved into that bathroom stall, cock throbbing, mind spinning - trying not to beg for mercy. 

Pairing. Gojo Satoru x Reader

Content. MDNI, fem! reader, unprotected sex, slight femdom, overstimulation (male), lots of cum, you absolutely ruin Satoru, semi-public sex, subby! Satoru, aphrodisiac sex, multiple rounds, shutting up Gojo Satoru by making him cum in his pants, pet names (darling, my girl), swearing.

Word count. 3.7k

A/N. Can be read as a standalone, but PART 1 HERE.

Bros this was mad hard to write oml. Art by @_3aem on X.

Satoru had everything he needed to absolutely ruin you tonight.

Overpriced Cartier glasses? Check.

Jet-black Hellcat freshened up, ready with a little surprise for you inside? Check.

You, all dolled up and brows furrowed adorably at him? Holy shit, check.

“Toru, if we’ve missed our reservation because you had beef with the neighborhood cat again…”

“He was looking at you wrong! I had to defend your honor!” Dramatic protests falling on deaf ears, Satoru speeds through the darkening city streets, still grumbling under his breath about “cats these days”.

With your fiancé being absolutely swamped with missions recently, you’d been anticipating this night for weeks now.

Little did you know, Satoru had just as much - if not more.

Soon enough, the neon lights of that upscale, new restaurant you’d been absolutely dying to visit recently come into view. 

Okay, it’s time. 

“Y’know…” he begins, glancing at you with that familiar mirthful glint in his eyes. Laughter bubbling to his throat at your knowing stare, he plows on “Remember that one night where I just so happened to come across your special chocolate?”

“You mean swiped from my secret stash?”

“Semantics” he waves off. “But anyway, I was thinking…” he voice trails off mischievously as he swiftly turns to grab the mysterious black bag sitting on the backseat that you’d been eyeing suspiciously ever since you got in the car.

Oh shit, so that’s what he was onto. Eyes widening, “Toru, no.”

He whines, a pout forming on his lips. “C’monnn, no one’s gonna know except me. I want to make this night unforgettable, my girl.”

You raise a brow, “Unforgettable? Toru, your idea of unforgettable will end up with both of us arrested.”  After the madness of last time, you’d ignored his sticky note for a reason!

Letting out an exasperated sigh, you try to justify - probably to yourself just as much as Satoru, “And just because the aphrodisiac worked for you doesn’t mean it’ll work for me.”

He wiggles his eyebrows, twinkling eyes still undeterred. “Wanna bet? I’ll do the dishes for all of next month. We’ll never know till we find out, darling.” 

You narrow your eyes at the hand already snaking its way inside the bag, faded finger marks from last time still searing into your skin. Catching Satoru’s gaze - behind the amusement, something else shines darkly. 

Shit.

Goosebumps erupt down your spine. 

A beat passes. One. Two. Only the revving of the engine filling the tense air. 

“...two months.” 

It’s all Satoru can do to not jump in joy in his seat right now - knowing his girl, you’ll probably take back what you said and immediately bonk him on the head for being so ridiculous. 

“Deal.” he mutters lowly, pulling up to the driveway.

 A flash of hot pink. In the short time it takes the valet to reach your car, Satoru has already split that too-familiar chocolate, holding out the bigger part to you, eyes gleaming with excitement. “I swear this’ll be a night you won’t forget.” he grins, biting into the chocolate. 

God, he was going to be the death of you. 

The decadent flavor washes over your tongue, a slight tingling on your tastebuds. But, it’s still just chocolate, right? You scoff - at least you won’t have to do the dishes for two months.

Now, Satoru knows he won’t have to do the dishes for two months. 

Ah, how heavenly you’d be, splayed out and begging for mercy underneath him. Heels clacking against the polished tile and your hand warm in his as the maître d’hôtel ushers you both inside, dick twitching in anticipation. Shit, was the chocolate working already?

He risks a glance at how you’re faring - nope, still normal. That’s okay, he’ll be driving you crazy in no time.

---

Okay, maybe he won’t be driving you crazy in no time. 

How dare you sit there so gorgeous and unbothered, sipping slowly on your wine while he’s here mind whirling around how he’ll fuck you right here right now on this table without getting arrested for public indecency.

Fuck, it was hitting him hard.

Cock aching, heat rushing to his cheeks, eyes bleary - he sighs in frustration, resigning himself to do the dishes for two months.

Why did he even think of this? Damn his big fucking ego, he should’ve never taken that chocolate again. Maybe if he eats you out just right he could lower it to-

A feathery touch on his thigh. Too light for any sort of friction - just enough to set his skin ablaze. So deft that Satoru thinks he must’ve imagined it.

Until there it is again. Soft caress dancing delicately up his thigh. 

You.

A shiver creeps down his spine, blood rushing straight to his dick. Probably for the first time in his life, Satoru is speechless - maybe because you’ve reached underneath the table, teasingly sliding a heel along the top of his thigh.

“…darling…”

“Hmm?”

He blinks away the haze in his eyes, raising them to meet yours. “Wha-”

Oh. Oh, fuck.

What has he gotten himself into?

Eyes half-lidded, brows furrowed, and looking into his soul with a predatory glint that jolts the great Gojo Satoru right to his very core - and to his throbbing cock. He’d be lucky to make it out alive. Maybe he should just beg for his life right now.

Minutes tick by - or maybe it was seconds - Satoru is clueless. Mind only focused on the heel inching closer and closer, dangerously near to where he needed you the most. A smug smirk curls your pretty lips as his mouth drops into a soft oh.

The air crackles with an unspoken tension - his hips trying to subtly move you towards the erection furiously straining against his pants. He needed it so bad. It’s fucking pathetic, he knows. But he couldn’t give less of a fuck as your sole grazes his aching head. Pressing down. Hard.

“Fuck!”

Stomach flipping - before Satoru could fully process what the fuck was happening - he cums embarrassingly in thick spurts that pool on his pants, soaking right through the fabric, probably smearing on your new heels.

Head spinning, he bites his knuckles hard enough to draw blood, muffling the desperate moans threatening to escape his lips. 

He grinds his hips in shallow, mindless motions in a desperate attempt for more friction.

Instead, he gets the opposite.

“Behave, Toru.” you warn, swiftly resting your heel back on the floor, voice strained with something that makes his sensitive dick quiver animalistically. 

You huff out a chuckle at the almost-inaudible whimper of disappointment that rips from his throat. It’s laughable, really, he was supposed to be the one ruining you. This was so not fucking suave.

Face burning - whether due to the chocolate or embarrassment at the warm patch on his pants, he doesn’t even know - Satoru wishes the Earth would swallow him up whole. Would it be overkill to just teleport outta here?

The only thing that snaps Satoru out of his little reverie is your pretty lips forming into a tut. “Now now, Toru. It’s rude to make a mess at a restaurant. Why don’t we go to the restrooms and get you cleaned up, hm?”

Oh. Shit. 

A firm grip on his arm, his hands desperately covering his crotch. 

He was not going to make it out of this alive. 

Honestly, it wasn’t hard to bribe the waitress into letting you follow into the restroom after your fiancé - and put up an Out of Order sign promptly afterward. The actual hard part was trying not to rip off his clothes and give into your desires before you two even made it there. But you couldn’t let anyone else see him like that, of course. 

You were sure that if you had Satoru’s powers then you would’ve hollow purpled everyone here and taken him already.

You were going to ruin him.

Mind running a mile a minute, Satoru wouldn’t even be surprised if he’d just teleported to the restroom. If he was in a better state of mind he might’ve even admired the decor.

“My girl.” he breathes out, voice ragged. It’s all that is said before your lips are on his. 

It was like a fever dream - the bruising urgency of your lips, your aching pussy, and the heat of the stall as your quickened breaths mingle in a desperate dance. Your tongue intertwining with his. 

Manicured nails ripping his shirt open, you don’t have half the mind to register the designer buttons hitting the floor.

Satoru’s lips hazily chase yours as you pull away delicate strings of spit snapping just as quickly as your sanity. 

Your mouth waters at Satoru’s chest in all its chiseled glory, creamy skin peeking out from whatever remnants of the shirt were clinging to his sculpted shoulders. You wanted to ruin him.

“You dirtied my heels, Toru.” you frown, mockingly innocent. A choked-up gasp leaves his throat as you snake a hand down to firmly grip the erection straining against Satoru’s wet pants. Unmoving. “What shall we do about that, hmm?” 

“Ah! Please, my girl.”

“Please what? Use your words, Toru.”

“Please. Wanna cum so bad.”

Satoru learned the hard way that he could never turn back after uttering those words. 

Though, he already had an inkling once you immediately slam him against the stall door, fumbling with his belt, nails digging hard into his prominent v-line. “If you say so, Toru. Better not stop till you’re shooting blanks.”

The only thing that registers in his mind is the deadbolt echoing throughout the empty bathroom and his still-rock hard cock throbbing in your hands. 

“Ah- hah! Fuck.” low groans leave his throat at each jerky movement down his length. 

Head thrown back, pants bunched underneath his heavy balls, your tits pressing against his body as your hands urgently move along his veined length - up, up, up. 

Your thumb harshly teases his flushed head, spreading the precum from his leaking tip lewdly. “Oh God.”

His knees buckle, hands slamming against the top of the stall hard enough to make the walls tremble, desperately trying to keep himself from collapsing. Mind spinning, he doesn’t even know if he’s on planet Earth anymore.

“Toru~ Gonna let me join in on the fun?” your dangerous purr sends his cock twitching, breath hot against his ear.

Your cunt quivers, slick soaking your panties and trailing down your legs at the pornographic moans spilling from his lips as you fucked his thick cock with your fist. You wanted him so badly it was driving you insane.

Straddling a muscled thigh, your clothed core meets the fabric of his pants. It was already ruined, so what was another stain?

You grind your hips down on him, hard. Humping him like an animal in heat. 

Your slick seeping into the fabric of his leg. Harsh texture stimulating your needy cunt so painfully good. Swollen folds parting, mewls of pleasure leave your swollen lips as your clit catches on the rough fabric of his overly expensive pants. Over and over. 

Distantly, you register a strong hand tugging roughly on the thin fabric of your panties - easily ripping it and letting it fall to god-knows-where. 

Your hand doesn’t let up either, milking Satoru’s cock mercilessly the way you’d been dying to ever since you stepped foot into his restaurant. Your head spins, hips moving so animalistically on Satoru’s thigh.

A hand reaches down to sensually massage his heavy balls, squeezing and pressing hard circles - just the way you knew he liked it. 

“Oh, my girl. Always so good t’me- Ah! Hngh, gonna-” 

Satoru doesn’t get to finish his sentence before he’s pumping hot ropes of seed that decorate your pretty hands. Hips fucking up into you desperately.

You’re not far behind, juices squirting all over that expensive fabric, pooling on the tiled ground with a drip! drip! drip! that bounces off the walls of the restroom.

You two were so fucking loud. 

But right now, you wouldn’t even mind if anyone walked in to see your Satoru so debauched - as long as they see you fucking the soul out of him as well. 

It wasn’t enough.

“You said you wanted to cum, didn’t you, Toru?”

A shiver runs down his spine - all the way to his dick. “What? W-wait, darling. Fuck- Oh!” the strained words tumble out of Satoru’s kiss-bitten lips as you push down his soaked pants, kneeling to leave a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses down to his twitching, thick base. 

“I won’t be merciful, Toru.”

Ah, you could do this forever.

Nipping teasingly till you’re satisfied with the bite marks decorating his pelvis, you pool the saliva in your mouth, spitting a long stream into his furiously flushed head.

Once. Twice. Mixing enticingly with his precum, trailing down his length. “Ah! Hngh- oh, darling. So sensitive-” he bucks his hips into you, moaning loudly.

“You can do it f’me, Toru.” you murmur darkly against his twitching tip. Satoru keens as you take him until his fat head hits the back of your throat, pulsing around your warm mouth.

Your fiancé’s choking on his breaths more than you as you hollow your mouth, bobbing up and down at a ruthless pace. Gagging, you shove his throbbing dick all the way in with a desperation that eclipses the need for air, till you’re nose-deep in those tufts of snowy hair. 

“Oh, darling. Jus’ like that. Losing m’mind.” he whines.

Your pussy quivers at Satoru’s slightly salty taste, making you moan around his rock-hard length. Drool and precum dribble down the corner of your mouth, mixing with the mascara running down your cheeks. It was debauched. It was messy. And it was exactly how you wanted him. 

Tonguing Satoru’s sensitive slit in a delicate dance, you feel drunk off his sinful moans as you suck on him desperately. Breathless. Craving for more. 

Looking up to see a delicate streak of tears falling down his pretty face at the overstimulation, your cunt clenches around nothing. Fuck, you could just devour him.

“Cum, Toru.”

It was too much for him- 

Tight balls twitching sensitively, he cums onto your ready tongue. Fucked out whimpers leave his lips, tears clinging to his long, white lashes as he paints your pretty mouth with his thick, white seed.

Ah, he was always your favorite taste. Tasted so good - so good that you could cum untouched. 

And you do.

Eyes rolling to the back of your head and pussy clamping down on nothing as you reach your high.

You milk his cock ruthlessly, relishing in the thick cum flowing down your throat. But it still wasn’t enough.

Removing yourself off his dick with a lewd pop! you reach a hand to grab Satoru’s flushed throat, nails placed right over his thundering pulse. With a single tug, the great Gojo Satoru is on his knees before you, in the bathroom of some fancy restaurant. 

Walls still quivering, you stand over him, connecting your sweaty forehead - and your mouth - with his. 

Kiss-bitten and smeared with your lipstick, Satoru’s lips are soft - or maybe that’s the cum coating yours. A part of you delights in his half-lidded, fucked out gaze as your eyes bore into his - does he even know what he’s doing anymore? 

Hot seed flowing down his throat, Satoru can do nothing else but kneel there and take it. He feels lightheaded, all the blood in his brain rushing to his cock as you suck on his tongue. This was driving him insane. You were insane.

And he fucking loved it.

“You d-drive me insane, my girl.” his words muffled by your hand still around his throat. His voice cracks with sensitivity in a way he would definitely be embarrassed about if he were in the right mind. 

Yet, how could he ever be with the slow, feral smile that spread across your beautiful face?

Leaning down, you whisper lowly against his ear. “I’m the same, Toru.” 

Maybe it’s your words, and the hot breath that sends shivers down his spine. Or maybe it’s the way you lift your dress so alluringly - cunt dripping on full display, slick trailing down your legs. 

All Satoru knows is, he’s surging forwards. He’s got your front pressed against the cold wall, cock twitching to life and bullying its way through your swollen folds. 

Mindlessly, a strong hand smacks against the stall as Satoru tries to keep himself steady. Too drunk off of you - off of your whimpers of his name, and the feeling of your plush walls clamping down on his throbbing erection, struggling to accommodate his size despite being so dripping wet. 

He doesn’t give a fuck. 

“Hngh- S’tight. Oh, fuck! S-sucking my cock back hah- in s-so needily” 

Ramming in and out of your hole at a merciless cadence, Satoru’s balls smack your clit so animalistically. You two feel like a pair of fucking animals. 

Shudders of overstimulation and pleasure wrack his body. Chest heaving, his blown-out eyes roll to the back of his head at the rapid, desperate thrusts inside your warm core. 

Pulling out all the way to slam back in mercilessly, Satoru could pass out at the sight of your ass jiggling as it arches to meet the rhythm of his hips. 

“God, m’girl. Gonna- gonna cum ah! Fill this pussy the way you want-” he groans raspily into the heady air of the stall, exhausted cock shooting wispy strings of cum that fill you up - some missing as he pumps into you, spilling out to paint your swollen folds white.

Before he knows it, a low hiss leaves his throat as you remove yourself off of his furiously pulsing cock - only to shove him seated on the commode. 

You take a split-second to admire your gorgeous fiancé - face flushed as much as the prettily leaking tip of his throbbing cock, eyes dazed and miles away, curtained by his sweaty white locks. A delicate trail of drool made its way down the corner of his ruby, kiss-bitten lips. Exactly how you wanted him.

What a fucking picture. Maybe you should take that chocolate more often…

“Toru~ Remember what I said? You’re not tapping out, are you?” you hum, eyes narrowing at the way his erection twitches so ferally at your dangerous tone. 

“Ah- don’t know- Can’t, please.”

You loom dangerously close, a hand reaching out to mockingly push his cheeks together, drool pooling at your fingertips. “I’ve told you before, Toru. Use your words. Please what?”

“M-mercy, please!” pathetic pleas muffled by your hand.

“Mercy?”

“Mercy!”

“No mercy for you, my darling Toru.”

The great Gojo Satoru, begging for mercy, will face none at your hands. 

You straddle his muscled legs, shivering with sensitivity. “Ah! Hah- Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god-” he whines nonstop as his quivering tip teases your swollen, messy folds. In one, fluid motion, you sheath him fully in your dripping cunt.

Ah, you feel so full. 

You relish in the way he twitches instinctively inside you. Steadying yourself using Satoru’s shoulders, you drag your cunt along his length, his prominent veins grazing that one spot inside you. Pulling out till his thick head teases your entrance, you drop down - inch by inch - over and over.

Satoru thinks he could cry right now - or maybe he already is. He doesn’t know, nor does he care - not when you’re so beautiful and fucked out, nails digging into his shoulders and heart eyes palpable in your gaze as you ride his sensitive cock into insanity.

He can’t stop the ragged moans that escape his swollen lips, head thrown back and hips bucking up exhaustedly into you to meet your every bounce. A hand is at his throat, pulling your face to his, “Don’t run away, Toru~”

He felt so raw. More a feral beast than a man as he watches his abused cock get swallowed up over and over by your wet pussy.

If he thought his dick was broken after this time then it’s really unsalvageable now.

He wanted to run away. He wanted more. He wanted you to keep looking at him with that fucking predatory gaze that made a carnal part of him twitch so good. He wanted to cum.

“I wan’- I wanna cum, please, my girl.” Satoru gasps out, teary eyes blown and looking up at you so delicately.

“Cum?”

“Yes.”

“Cum, Toru.”

Maybe it was the glint of fondness in your eyes, maybe it was the piercing of teeth as you bit down hard into the crook of his neck. Or maybe it was the way your snug cunt clamped down on him so sinfully as you cum as around him. But Satoru is immediately bucking up into your hips - reaching his climax, if you can even call it that. Poor, exhausted cock cumming dry. “Ah- Cumming- M’cumming hgnh-”

Satoru doesn’t even know if he feels his orgasm, just waves of pleasure that overwhelm him as he rides it out on your cunt. 

Ah, he thinks if heaven was a person then it would be you. 

Maybe he’s died already.

“Toru? Open your eyes, darling.”

Slowly opening the eyes that he didn’t even realize he had furiously scrunched closed, Satoru slowly blinks his vision back.

An angel?

“No, Toru, your fiancé.” you huff out a laugh. Oh shit, he said that out loud? 

Head still reeling from, well, everything - the great Gojo Satoru can do nothing else but sit there, exhausted and fucked out of his mind as you slowly remove yourself off his twitching cock. He’s never felt so vulnerable - so ruined.

Ah, someone remind him to never let you have a bite of that chocolate every again. 

A low hiss leaves him, along with a few tears that later he swears were never there. 

As you tenderly clean both yourselves up in the humid stall, Satoru thinks he’s never been handled with so much care. Ah, he loves your gentle hands. He loves you.

“I love you too, Toru.” you whisper into the intimate silence. Oh, shit, he said that out loud again?

Your beautiful laugh, “Yes, you did, Toru.” Throwing away the used tissues, you grin “Y’know they’ve probably brought out our food by now.”

Absent-mindedly, “Mhm?”

“I was thinking I wanted chocolate for dessert.”

A/N. Oh Satoru, you poor, innocent fool…

Also this turned out longer than expected. Reblogs so so appreciated!

Plagiarism not authorized.

Taglist:

@sage-ove @mo0nforme @thirtykiwis @planetzetra

[wrioluvr]

sub yandere inmate x gn! prison warden reader

thank u all for 1000+ notes on my last post omg....<3 short fic about an idea i had as i work on part 2 of the sub yandere x himbo reader ♡♡♡ kinda wriothesley inspired coz thats bae...

cw: mentions of nsfw

"so let me get this straight." you sighed, looking at the man who was currently on the other side of the bars in disappointment. "you beat up some of the other inmates and got into a fight because.... they were talking shit about me?"

"exactly..... they were saying you were too strict! but they don't know how much you care for us.... such ungrateful bastards." his last words came out with an obvious distaste. he held the bars of his cell tightly, looking into your eyes imploringly for any sign of validation. "aren't... aren't you proud of me?"

you pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration. "no. you can't just hurt other people for my sake. i'm your warden. i can handle a few snarky comments." he had always been rather attached to you, but he had been acting overly clingy and whiny in the past few weeks. you wondered if solitary confinement was finally getting to his head.

at your words, he crumbled a little, sadness evident in the lines of his pout. your approval meant everything to him, so you being annoyed with him was the worst feeling in the world. but all of a sudden, he perked back up, seemingly coming up with a devilish idea. his voice dropped to a low whisper. "you know.... if you're that upset with me, i'm always ready for punishment." to get his point across, he pressed his ass to the bars, moaning softly as he felt the cold metal graze his hole. "a spanking would be perfect."

you immediately took a step back, glaring at him. "i don't believe in corporal punishment." you said sternly, trying to deter him from getting any more perverted ideas in his head. "you're not even really interested in getting better, are you?"

"whaaat. i am! come onnnnn. the only way you can get me to behave is if you spank me. i'll be a good boy. i promise."

"you know what would be a better punishment?"

"what?" his eyes light up at the thought of you taking the initiative to put him in his place.

"if i don't partake in your twisted scenarios and leave right now. try not to get into any more fights, okay?" you walked away, shaking your head as you wondered what on earth you would do with this pathetic man.

"seriously? no! come back...." he whined, slumping back down onto his bed, defeated. but at least he had got your attention with that stunt... you had been paying far more attention to the other inmates recently.

he giggles to himself, staring up at the ceiling of his cell. a few years meant nothing, if it meant that once he was out he could live out the rest of his days as your malewife, taking care of your every need. that was the one thing keeping him going. you wouldn't be so cruel as to deny him of his fantasy, would you?

[captainreecejames]

Down Bad || My Ex is a Footballer OP81 Edition

links [masterlist][my ex series masterlist]

summary it's time you date someone actually your age

pairings ex!andy robertson x reader, oscar piastri x reader

warnings not a good relationship with robertson, cursing

notes guys I'm not a liverpool fan so this was hard for me [kidding]. this took so long because I had trouble getting the dynamic right also I got a new job and working two places has not been easy but I gotta make money in this world.

yn's message august 2022 ---------

ynusername posted august 2022 --------

liked by estebanocon, andyrobertson94 and others

ynusername it's race week again yay!!! But I can't be with my boyfriend booooo

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username1 girl drop him!!!

username2 no boooo actually yayyy!!!

username3 shame she can't be with andy for the start of the season ↳ username4 girl be serious, season started almost a month ago and she was at every home game ↳ username5 yn is a diehard liverpool fan don't worry she was supporting her man

andyrobertson94 gonna miss you babe! ↳ ynusername miss you more!

alo_oficial excited !! 🩷

username6 yn I mean this in the nicest way possible, he's too old for you and he's not good

ynusername posted december 2022 -----

liked by oscarpiastri, alpinef1team and others

ynusername 22 season recap! Thank you so much to Alpine for bringing me into the world of f1 and introducing me to some amazing people, I will always be grateful for the chance you took on me and have love in my heart for you! Now on to being at anfield 24/7 to support my man!!!

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username11 ahhhhh oscar!! I' m fine everything is fine

oscarpiastri have a good break yn! ↳ ynusername you too ossie!

username12 ossie??! i'm screaming i love it already. alpine why did you have to break up my bestfriends that i didn't know were best friends?

estebanocon gonna miss having you around yn! ↳ ynusername oh estie! i'll see you around don't worry.

username13 why the fuck is Andy not commenting? ↳ username14 cause he's a little bitch 👍🏼 ↳ username13 oop

alpinef1team we love you yn! ↳ ynusername gonna miss you babe

username15 damn Andy finally got what he wanted and won't even congratulate her on doing this job ↳ username16 I'm new here, what did Andy want? ↳ username15 he has publicly wanted yn to not work and basically be a housewife, also he's like almost 10 years older than her so it's like weird he wants her to be a kept woman

liverpoolfc we're ready for you! ♥️ by ynusername

yn's messages --------

twitter february 2023 --------

ynusername posted august 2023 -----

liked by landonorris, lance_stroll and others

ynusername first half of the season done with my boss featuring ossie when he sees me sneak into the mclaren garage

oscarpiastri that's literally a lie I don't look like that when you come in ↳ ynusername then why do I have a picture of you looking like that??? ↳ landonorris gonna back him up on this one he does NOT look like this when he sees you ↳ username21 WHAT DO YOU KNW LANDO AHARE WITH THE CLASS

username22 guys not to be dramatic but there's been no Liverpool mention in months, I think she broke up with andy ↳ username23 DONR GET ME EXCITED

ynusername posted december 2023 --------

liked by carmenmmundt, georgerussell63 and others

ynusername sad that the season is over but happy I get a short break from being a full time Alonso Wrangler and part time student. Also lance is sad he hasn't been in a season photo dump so here have this

carmenmmundt 🩶🩶

lance_stroll wtf? ↳ ynusername 🫶🏼 ↳ lance_stroll I sent that to mari ↳ ynusername and she sent it to me ↳ mariloublg_ and I'd do it again ↳ lance_stroll DONT GANG UP ON ME

username34 TWO(2) OSCAR PICTURES? we're winning oscaryn truthers ↳ username35 we need him in the first picture now, no swiping is the next goal

username36 wait, yn are you in classes right now? ↳ ynusername I'm taking 2 classes right now remotely for my masters! ↳ username36 OMG you go girl! ↳ ynusername thanks babe

february 2024

landonorris posted on his story

replies to your story

oscarpiastri delete this

landonorris HAHAHAH

alo_oficial working on getting her to realize

landonorris they are both so dumb

mclaren get a picture together

landonorris you got it boss 🫡

username36 IT'S YN RIGHT! TELL ME IT'S YN LN

ynusername posted march 2024

liked by astonmartinf1, oscarpiastri and others

ynusername and we're back!!! Starting off with some helmet swaps and getting papa stroll a debut on the page

landonorris damn papa stroll gets a pic before me?? ↳ lance_stroll it took me a year to get a debut and even then it was a shit one so shut up ↳ georgerussell63 haha you guys suck ↳ ynusername it's cause Carmen bribed me ↳ lance_stroll and mari didn't? ↳ ynusername she did, that picture is what she wanted ↳ landonorris so what youre saying is I need a gf to bribe you ↳ oscarpiastri damn guess youre never getting your debut on this page ↳ landonorris and how the fuck did you get here???

username41 where's that girl that wanted oscar on the first slide? ↳ username35 RIGHT HERE AND I'M THRIVING

lance_stroll also landonorris that's mr. stroll to you ↳ landonorris okay...

ynusername posted july 2024

liked by landonorris, alo_oficial and others

ynusername oscar i don't have the words to describe how proud i am of you right now but just know that I always believed in you and always will

username51 ughhhh, when will it be my turn

username52 OSCAR WIN SO YN POSTS JUST OSCAR YES

username53 username35 aRE YOU OKAY GIRL? ↳ username35 NO I'M NOT

username35 JUST OSCAR IN EVERY PIC??? AND HE'S CLEARLY LOOKING AT YN? IS THIS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT?

username54 the way oscar was looking for her >>>

alo_oficial congratulations oscar! ↳ oscarpiastri thank you nando

oscarpiastri thank you yn, you're support means everything to me

username55 no offense but I was kinda expecting more from you here ↳ username35 you want her to confess her undying love for oscar here on a social media post? you want her to do it on the internet instead of just to him privately so you can consume media and be in the presence of a relationship that you clearly have no respect for nor no need to be apart of because they don't know you?? that's what you want? be fucking for real ♥️ by mariloublg_ ↳ username55 first of all you also have a parasocial relationship with them, second of all, it's not weird for me to want her to express more about this when his team was shit to him ↳ username35 i can be excited about her posting him and still fucking respect their privacy. they don't need to post anything for us and it is a PRIVILEDGE that we get to see this. if you make it weird for them and ruin their PRIVATE relationship because you personally think she should be more vocal on social media then maybe you need to do some reflection on how you interact with people

ynusername posted august 2024

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and others

ynusername summer break is over, now I go back to being a student

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landonorris yay i can have my osc back ↳ ynusername uhhh... no, you can borrow MY ossie ↳ landonorris agree to disagree ↳ oscarpiastri don't I get a say in this? ↳ ynusername depends ↳ oscarpiastri well i pick you yn ↳ ynusername then yes you get a say

lance_stroll it's about damn time ↳ estebanocon SAYS YOU ↳ alo_oficial none of you have spent as much time with her as I have! I'm the only one that get's to complain ↳ ynusername I was not that bad ↳ alo_oficial yes you were ↳ estebanocon yes you were ↳ lance_stroll yes you were ↳ pierregasly yes you were

oscarpiastri haha babe you have a crush on me? ↳ charles_leclerc you were just as bad ↳ landonorris what he said ↳ oscarpistri damn okay

username35 ahhhh!!! congrats yn and oscar ↳ ynusername thank you! and we both appreciate you being so supportive

username63 see everyone, it pays to be a decent human being! ^^