#there's something seriously wrong here and idk how to fix it. but I *need* to stop drinking. i need to

[lord-radish]

I don't talk about this openly because it's a touchy subject, but I've really gotta get out of the drinking game. I've got issues with alcohol, and I've had these issues for years at this point, but I can't seem to escape it due to both mental problems and general proximity.

Like I have a friend who frequents a bar next door to where I live. I'll be passing through as a shortcut and say hello, and he'll like. repeatedly prompt me to get a beer. Like genuinely badger me until I give in and have a beer with him. Same thing on Sundays, he pushes me to drink repeatedly even if I clearly and repeatedly state that I don't want a beer. My family is full of alcoholics, and being drunk lets me be more social with them, so when I see family I can't escape it.

But I'm also really insecure and have a lot of trouble being around people when I'm sober, and alcohol loosens me up. It helps to be around other people and to get on their level when I get drunk, when my sober self is clearly running at a diminished capacity on that front. I stutter, I don't have timely comebacks and it's hard to maintain conversation. I was bullied for years and have reduced social skills because of that.

But I'm at a point where I have to stop. I drank two bottles of bourbon this weekend. It was a fun time and a good weekend, but it makes me feel so sick for days and I get caught in this loop of binge-drinking that eats up all my time and money. It's having an effect on my physical and mental health too, and I'm just flat-out less productive when I'm drunk and subsequently hungover. I feel sick all the time. I want to get out of this.

I vent a lot about my former best friend - and that's a situation where I acted extremely shittily, but the hatred for that guy is just sort of in me now. There was a point right at the end of our friendship where I had just been sober for three and a half months due to a health issue, and due to an ongoing mental health episode and a growing sense of isolation and detachment from my friends, I gave in and began drinking again.

In that moment I needed alcohol. It was a bad choice but it was a dark, dark time. But in hindsight, one of the most disturbing parts was the morning after. I felt fantastic, I was full of energy, and I gladly left the house after breaking my sobriety and went to hang out with my former best friend. We'd been growing apart because while I was sober, I began to notice how uncomfortable and hypervigilant of myself I was around him, and that led to avoidance and a few tense moments between us - but hungover and rushing on endorphins, I went to hang out with him.

And he told me that I seemed "like myself" again.

I've thought about this, and one reason I began binge-drinking the way I do was to pacify myself and be more pliable to my surroundings, where everyone else is calling the shots and I'm just along for the ride. A lot of that came back to my former best friend - he always took the passenger seat when we went driving with friends, he always had the aux cord, it was always about him. The decision to binge-drink to cope with my negative emotions was a personal decision that I made, and the negativity encompassed more than just our friendship, but I was having a prolonged negative experience with my best friend of the time, and that didn't help.

The disturbing part, in hindsight, is that alcohol abuse made me more agreeable. When I stopped drinking, things got tense between us. When I began drinking again, I was "like myself" again. Granted, I was happier after a mental health crisis and a growing sense of agitation and dissatisfaction. But I was wallpapering over my unhappiness and dissatisfaction with that friend by binge-drinking, and maybe that tenseness was justified considering how hard our friendship imploded just two months later.

Now I have a job and my own place to live. My personal issues are more general than they used to be - I was living in an actively hostile environment, and I was friends with someone who made me feel like I was always walking a tightrope. I have my own space, and I've made new friends - one of which actively drives me to drink when I don't actually want to, but things are just outright better, warts and all.

But it all comes back to alcohol. I'm not drinking as hard as I was during the pandemic - that's what gave me the health problem that I went sober for - but I am drinking a LOT. I drank two bottles of bourbon this weekend. I'm taking the day off work and losing money because I just need one day to myself to sort my shit out. Alcohol is ruining my life. It helps with my social issues, but it is ruining my life in so many other ways. And I'm not going to mention just how deep this all goes, but it's bad.

I don't really know what to do. I can't just announce it publically, because I'm almost certainly going to backslide on it at some point. I think quitting drinking is going to alienate me from some of my current friends, and I genuinely like them. Even the guy who badgers me to drink is a good guy who's treated me very well in the aftermath of losing my previous friends. I like spending time with him. But the writing is very clearly on the wall; I need to stop.

The issue is support. My entire world is built on the back of alcohol. My family and friends are both strong links to alcohol. I was seeing a counsellor for a long time who didn't think I needed to quit, I just needed to learn to moderate - that's been out of the question for years, I know what this is. I had another one before her who made me feel really judged for my issues with alcohol. And I've had very intense codependent internet friendships before that I don't want to even risk slipping back into, so this isn't a cry for help in the sense that I'm looking for a sober buddy on Tumblr to try and help me. I'm not putting any of you through that. I'm not.

Mostly this is just me getting my thoughts in order and expressing myself. It helped to get this all off my chest. I don't know where to go from here, but talking about it was a big first step. Like just as a disclaimer, I'm going to be fine going forward and I feel a lot better having spoken about this, so don't feel too concerned or alarmed - in the immediate sense, removed from the broader issues I discussed in this post, I'm fine. But yeah I just really needed to talk about my issues with alcohol, because my continued alcohol abuse is really bad for me in a lot of ways and it's really hard to take any sort of first step y'know. Hoping I can leverage this post into something more productive for the long term. Sorry for trauma-dumping on main.

[writingquestionsanswered]

IDK how many people are running the account, but if you or a member of the team running the account has ADHD, do you have any tips for ADHD writers, particularly when trying to get WIPs done? Outlines don't work for me like 99% of the time ;_;

Tips for Writing with ADHD

Here's what works for me, but your mileage may vary...

1 - Know What Outline Works for You - You say outlines don't work for you 90% of the time, but what type of outline are you using? Many people hear the word "outline" and imagine an academic outline with roman numerals and bullet points, but that's not what most fiction writers mean when they talk about using an outline. For fiction writers, outlines can be anything from a beginning to end written summary, to a scene list, to a detailed timeline. My post How to Outline a Plot has some different things you can try. Ultimately, there's no right or wrong way to outline your story. Anything that works as a "road map" to guide you through your story can help.

2 - Pants When You've Got to Pants - Some writers are "pantsers" or in other words, they prefer not to go off an outline. Some don't even plan in advance. They "write by the seat of their pants" and let the story take them where it may. For some writers, it depends on the specific story they're working on. Some stories might require planning, others might work better if you pants them. What works for me is understanding my needs (what type of story I'll usually need to plan/outline ahead of time, and what type of story I can pants) and then planning/pantsing accordingly. If I spent time outlining a story that I could easily pants, it would definitely take the wind out of my writing sails.

3 - Schedule Your Writing Time... Sort Of... - For me, I can't just rely on myself to write when the mood strikes me. If I did that, I'd never get any writing done. So for me, it's important to have a dedicated writing time each day. That doesn't even have to mean my butt's in the chair writing from this time to this time, it just means I'll do my best to write during whatever span of time. So, let's say this week you're home every day from 2pm until 6pm and some of that time is free time. That's going to be a good time to write, so you could say you're going to sit down every day at 3pm to write. Or, you could do 10-minute writing springs every hour, or every other hour. Or you could say you'll write when the mood strikes you, but definitely from 5:30 to 6 if you didn't get it done earlier.

4 - Try Random Writing Sprints - Writing sprints in general can be a good way for people with ADHD to write. You can schedule them or you could do them when the mood strikes. Get a timer and set it to whatever works for you... 5-minutes, 10-minutes, 30-minutes, whatever. Then just set it and go when you have time. Even if you don't feel like writing, getting into that habit will make it easier to write as soon as the timer comes out.

5 - Don't Give Yourself a Hard Time - One of the most profound things I ever heard about writing resistance is that it's often the product of writing feeling stressful. In other words, the idea of writing causes you stress, so your brain says, "Avoid! Avoid!" and you sit down to write and nothing happens. One of the ways we make writing stressful for ourselves is by giving ourselves a hard time when we don't write or don't write as much as we wanted. So, just do the best you can and congratulate yourself on small victories. Find ways to make writing fun and relaxing rather than stressful and like a chore.

Bonus - Sometimes the problem isn't ADHD but something else. My post 5 Reasons You Lost Interest in Your WIP, Plus Fixes! has some other things to consider.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[wasawattpadkid]

Ok idk if you’d want to write this but like, Billy x Fem reader who like doesn’t shave down there, I feel weird asking for this but I just like don’t see people write about it and it makes me self conscious.

Girl don't feel weird at all! I don't see people write about it either so we're about to change that. Here ya go Hun!💕

Believe me

Pairing: Billy Loomis x fem!reader

Warnings:⚠️smut 18+⚠️ oral fem!receiving, fingering fem!receiving, praise, brief overstimulation

Billy was a patient man. He'd wait as long as you needed him to. However he did worry about you. You weren't one to wait till marriage but you did seem very quick to reject him every time he even mentioned sex. Even a slight brush against your thigh made you jump. Billy didn't want to push you into anything but he also couldn't go much longer without knowing what was wrong.

The sleezy horror movie had ended but you were too busy focusing on the boy on top of you. His lips traveled down your neck as your hands toyed with his hair. Once again he tried his luck by running his hand up your bare thigh. Your eyes opened as you slowly peeled him off you. "Okay." You said awkwardly fixing your nightgown. "Is it me?" He asked running a hand through his hair. This was the one thing you feared. You crossed your legs on the bed as you grabbed his hands. "Oh my god no." Billy just scoffed.

"Then why won't you let me touch you?" It wasn't like there was no sex in your relationship at all. You helped him out quite often but when it came to you however you were distant. He was grateful for what he could get but he wanted to please you. You did so much for him asking nothing in return. "There's something we have to talk about." Billy's heart sunk with fear. All breakups started with a serious conversation.

"I like you I really do." You paused piecing your words together carefully. "You're breaking up with me aren't you?" Your eyes grew wide. "W-what no! Not at all!" He wasn't convinced. He pulled his hands back growing distance like you had so many times before. "I don't shave." You said a little ashamed of the secret. It was a complicated thing. You knew you shouldn't feel bad about something that's natural. Yet every magazine you saw and all of your friends were completely clean shaven. It was an unspoken fact men didn't like "natural" women.

Billy looked at you for a second before laughing. The sound tore your heart to shreds. This was it. When you went back to school Monday you'd be the joke of the whole school. Billy stopped laughing as he saw tears well up in your eyes. "Oh fuck I'm not laughing at you!" He tried to fix his obvious mistake. You could hardly understand what else was funny. "Babe please don't cry." This time he grabbed your hands but you pulled away.

"I knew I shouldn't have said anything." You mumbled wiping your eyes. "Y/n. I don't care that you don't shave. That's not why I was laughing." His brain was working overtime trying to figure out how to fix this. "Why were you laughing then?" You asked expecting the worst. Billy didn't even really mean to laugh. The reason behind your abstinence was just absurd to him. "Because the fact you think I care if you shave or not is crazy."

"All guys care. You're saying you wouldn't prefer if I shaved?" It was an honest question. One with a simple answer. "You really think that low of me?" Your relationship was just a month shy of a year. Billy was insulted you hadn't realized he wasn't a prick like the other boys at school. Your silence didn't answer any questions. "I don't care if you dyed it bright pink." You tried not to laugh by pursing your lips. "I'm trying to have a serious talk right now." Billy smiled as you started to laugh. "I'm sorry! You can't just say something like that."

You both laughed making the air in the room more breathable. "Seriously though Y/n I like you. Whether or not you shave is not going to change anything." You wanted to believe him and he wanted to prove it. His lips found yours once again. The kiss being more passionate than the one before. You didn't stop him as his hand slowly lifted the bottom of your nightgown. His lips moved south making sure to leave a mark or two on your neck. Once he was satisfied he pushed the fabric of your nightgown up to show off your underwear. He peppered kisses across your stomach whispering little praises against your skin.

Billy hooked his fingers into the waist band of your panties pulling them down your thighs. Your eyes were shut tight scared of his reaction. His kisses never stopped. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Have I told you that?" He whispered kissing his way down your thighs. Billy had told you that before but never like this. His tone was deep almost raspy. "Have I told you how lucky I am to call you mine everyday?" He smiled looking up at you. The sound of his voice made you melt.

Billy pressed a kiss to your cunt making your breath hitch. He positioned himself between your legs so that your thighs rested on his shoulders. Billy's hands gripped each thigh keeping you still. Slowly he began to lick stripes up your folds just to tease you. Your hands gripped the bed sheets not entirely sure of where to put them. His right hand moved to open you up letting his tongue roam around the space. You couldn't help but grab his hair needing some semblance of control. His lips locked around your clit sucking gently on the sensitive bud. Curses fell from your mouth only further encouraging Billy's movements.

Your boyfriend went back to working his tongue around you. He traced his name over your clit seeing you shake around him. It was a thrilling scene. Your vision started to blur as you pulled at his hair. Words were no use. You couldn't put together a single word let alone a sentence. You just had to hope Billy knew what he was doing. His right hand moved to your entrance where he slid two fingers in with ease. Your sounds were pornographic honestly shocking the man trapped between your thighs.

You said his name over and over like a prayer as that coil buried deep within you tightened. You squeezed around his fingers as you cried out in ecstacy. His fingers pumped in and out as his tongue swept side to side across your clit. You took a deep breath as that coil snapped sending your head back against the pillows. His tongue continued it's assault letting you ride out your orgasm.

"Please.." You whispered as you pulled his hair. Within seconds you became sensitive to the touch. Billy's grin was borderline evil as he stood up at the end of the bed. He licked what he could off his lips as he eyed your almost naked frame. You watched as he grabbed the bottom of his shirt lifting it to wipe his mouth. The happy trail you'd mapped with your tongue many times before was on full display.

"Fuck, you are gorgeous." He rasped as you smiled. He knew the praise worked wonders on you. You were honestly a little mad at yourself for depriving yourself of him for so long. "Now do you believe me?" Billy asked referring to your earlier argument. You squinted your eyes debating on a response. "Maybe." He raised his eyebrows. "Maybe? Well then I guess I'll have to do it till you believe me." He pounced on the bed making you squeak with laughter. It was going to a very good and very long night.

[cat3ch1sm]

Alright, first things first, I hope you are doing fine and stay positive for anything in your life, I don't know you but stay safe and healthy^^

I kinda feel bad bc I have already requested from you and I don't want to pressure you.

But I need more Kurapika context bc I have already read everything about him on here and I wanted some more

Okay, onto the actual thing now😅

I still remember that scene when Kurapika comes in the hotel with the scarlet eyes on gift package and that idk-remember-his-fucking-name rich dude which he punched later (or before?😅) started talking shit and then he said "Idc who I kill right now".

So like, what if the Reader, who has no moral compass or anything( like a Zoldyck), gets seriously enraged and starts punching and kicking him until Kurapika tells them to stop (I love the clueless with morals x no morals and entirely devoted to them)

Take your time, I don't mind, and stay safe and sound ^^

Love ya🦋

🌿~ hello, my lovely insect hashira! don’t feel bad for requesting again, you can send as many requests as you’d like. here’s your request, ily<33

☕️~ also sorry if some things aren’t totally accurate to the actual scene and stuff😭been a minute since i watched that particular arc

╭┈◦•◦❥•◦ gender neutral reader (may be fem!leaning), mentions of violence and blood ahead

It was a dark night- literally and figuratively. The sky was a deep shade of blue, and it was almost midnight. But Yorknew City was far from at peace. The notoriously terrifying and powerful group of thieves known as the Phantom Troupe, or the Spiders, had just unleashed a brutal attack on the city’s largest underground auction, resulting in the disappearances and the deaths of hundreds. The whole city was in a state of chaos and panic, and the mafia group you worked for’s job was to be in the center of it- despite the state the city was in, you still had a job to do, and against all odds you’d managed to pull it off- along with your colleague, Kurapika.

Regardless of the success of your particular task, the walk back to the hotel was silent, the mood between the two of you grim. You were shaken by the loss of several your coworkers and the carnage you’d witnessed, while Kurapika, walking beside you, carried the item you’d won at the auction close to his chest, his eyes not even visible behind the shadow cast over his face. Inside the small box he held were the Scarlet Eyes- one of the only pairs left following the massacre of his family, the Kurta Clan. Despite how you may have been feeling, you knew for a fact he felt worse, knowing he was carrying the eyes of a dead family member, their memory disrespected and tarnished by the greed of the mafia.

Neither of you said anything while you were walking, the mood so heavy it seemed to weigh down on your throat, preventing you from speaking. You wanted to say something to soothe Kurapika, but you knew that really, there wasn’t anything you could say to help him, and you felt very sad for him as you watched him with his head low and his aura despairing.

It was then, though, as you two were crossing a bridge, that you saw a silhouette in front of you. It was Zenji, the short, pudgy man with a big nose and glasses that had been pestering you and Kurapika earlier as Nostrade’s bodyguards, appearing over and over again just to criticize you two and mock your skills and how young you both were, calling you both incompetent. It wasn’t necessarily a surprise that he was there all of a sudden, but you knew that it was absolutely the wrong time for him to be here. You stole a glance over to Kurapika, wondering if he saw the man in front of him, but his dark demeanor didn’t change, and he simply continued to walk.

As you two got closer to Zenji, neither of you acknowledging the man’s presence, he lifted his beady eyes and fixed them right on Kurapika. “Bastard.” He scoffed, his eyes narrowed. “You think you can just walk away?”

You figured he was talking about Kurapika’s blatant dismissals of Zenji’s insults earlier, and how Kurapika had punched him after he got a little too cocky. You guessed Zenji’s ego (and nose) had been injured, and now the idiot was here to get even. But Kurapika just kept walking, still ignoring Zenji. You knew he was in somewhat of a catatonic state after gaining the Scarlet Eyes, and you didn’t want this guy to agitate Kurapika further. So you chose to not engage simply for Kurapika’s sake, even though every muscle in your body screamed to beat this man to the ground.

He turned his attention to you now. “You too. Neither of you are getting off easy tonight.”

It took everything to not reply to Zenji, but you knew more drama tonight wouldn’t be good for you or Kurapika. So you didn’t acknowledge him, either.

Zenji was clearly agitated by being ignored, his jaw clenching as he let out a growl. “Tsk…”

Still no response from either of you.

Zenji, reaching his limit, finally reached for a gun strapped into his belt and pointed it at Kurapika, then you, then back at Kurapika. “Stop before I blow your heads off!”

“Move.”

The sound of Kurapika’s voice seemed to startle both you and Zenji, both of you turning abruptly to look at Kurapika. His voice was low and ominous, sending a chill down your spine when you heard it.

Zenji’s eyes widened with fear and fury, and he cocked the gun at Kurapika. “Don’t be-“

“Just stop.” Kurapika spoke again. Just then, you noticed an odd light from the corner of your eye- and when you hesitantly turned your gaze to Kurapika, you felt your stomach turn at the sight. His eyes were glowing a menacingly deep red, his hair hanging in loose blonde strands over his shadowy face. There were no words to describe the raw fury in his expression, and Zenji stumbled backwards in surprise, letting out a fearful gurgle.

“I don’t care who I kill right now,” Kurapika intoned, the glowing of his eyes only getting brighter and brighter as his rage increased. “And it might as well… be you.”

Zenji’s whole body was shaking now from pure fear, the only thing leaving his mouth incoherent croaks. The aura Kurapika was radiating was so intensely foreboding and malevolent that, even if it wasn’t directed at you, you couldn’t help your blood from running ice-cold. But once the trepidation settled in your stomach, you felt the anger begin to bubble up in your own mind. For someone to drive Kurapika to want to kill without cause… to awaken his fury like this- as Kurapika moved closer and closer to Zenji, who was frozen in his place, you knew instantly that you couldn’t let Kurapika go down like this. Zenji simply was not worth it.

And before you knew it, you found yourself flying at Zenji, fists raining down onto the man like a merciless hailstorm and your feet slamming into his doughy body with as much force as you could manage. Both you and him crashed to the ground, Zenji grunting in pain with every hit you delivered to him. You didn’t even really know what your goal was; all you knew was that you wanted to hurt him, swinging at the most painful areas you knew of: pummeling at his mouth, eyes, nose, and kicking at his crotch. Blood and saliva flew from his mouth as you managed to knock out a tooth, and his already injured nose began gushing blood like a waterfall. You clawed at his clothes and shattered his glasses, everything but a blur in front of your eyes.

Then, abruptly, you felt someone grab you from behind and yank you harshly from Zenji’s battered body, but you were still swinging, not ready to let him go. Zenji scrambled backward on all fours, blood staining his face and tie and his suit full of rips.

You struggled violently against the hands that held you back, twisting and thrashing in every way possible to try and break free, falling to the ground and taking Kurapika with you. “Y/N! Y/N, stop!” Kurapika shouted, keeping his grip on you despite how much you fought him. “Stop it!”

For a moment the words didn’t register, the only thing on your mind being Zenji, but when your rage-clouded mind cleared you remembered Kurapika’s voice, finally stopping your struggling. Kurapika let out an exhausted sigh. “There you go. Y/N, it’s just me- restrain yourself, alright?”

When you finally looked up at Kurapika, breathing heavily and body still heated with fury, his expression had faded from his previously seething one to a more melancholy expression. The anger was still there, of course, his eyes still a luminescent scarlet- but as he looked at you, you didn’t feel the anger as you had felt it earlier. You allowed your body to relax, slumping over a bit with your head resting on his chest. You both were sitting in the middle of the street, Kurapika behind you.

“Why did you stop me?” you asked, sounding exhausted yourself. Your fists were bruised, achy, and stained with Zenji’s blood. “I thought- I thought you wanted to kill him.”

Kurapika exhaled again, breaking eye contact with you and staring straight ahead. “It was just a warning, really. I couldn’t kill him because the repercussions would get in the way of my goals for the future.”

“So why didn’t you let me do it?” you pressed, genuinely perplexed. “I have no such compunction. I could’ve just killed him.” Your jaw tightened. “God knows he deserved it.”

Kurapika looked back down at you, the storm in his eyes settling a bit. “I’m not letting you kill anybody, Y/N- and certainly not him. He isn’t worth it.”

“Well, I don’t care,” you protested. “I still could have killed him. He doesn’t have any right to do anything he’s done to you.”

Kurapika didn’t say anything for a while, but when he looked back down at you, he had a smile on his face. Not quite a happy one, but not quite unhappy. “If I let you go after everyone who’s ever caused me pain, you’d be dead. So… just don’t worry about me, alright? And don’t do that again.”

You frowned, but reluctantly nodded. “Fine...”

Kurapika sighed again and wrapped an arm around your shoulders from behind you, letting his arm rest there. He didn’t move, the box containing the Scarlet Eyes sitting beside you. You just let him rest his chin on the top of your head. It seemed to help.

[thegoldenappleofdiscord]

Idk if you’ve gotten this ask before, but is there anything you would have changed if you wrote pjo/hoo/toa? And how would you have written it?

never gotten this ask before! and oh man, yeah, there are some things i would change. i wouldn't call myself someone who does analysis on their favorite media (at least i don't do it very often) i just read/watch and enjoy, unless there's something that seriously strikes me as Kind of Very Weird. half the time i don't mind occasional bad writing if i enjoy the media very much, which is the case with pjo, but again, there are some things that were odd to me lol. keep in mind it's been a while since i've reread so these are just things i remember vividly as being something i very much didn't like/understand.

percy jackson and the olympians:

that whole 'entwining history' with pjo thing felt weird to me: like with harriet tubman being called a child of hermes? for one, it feels unnecessary, and two, it feels as though all the things she's done, all of her bravery, wit, courage, are being attributed to her demigod status, as hermes is the god of travelers, cunning, roads, etc. it feels insensitive and not handled very well. there's also a blurb that mentions that hitler was a child of hades, that world war II was a conflict of the big three, and that the civil war was a roman vs greek conflict - again, these all just feel so insensitive to the actual historical events that occurred, ascribing all that violence and catastrophe to a squabble between the children of the big three when the actual causes of these events were so much more complicated and deep-rooted. i believe it was an attempt at trying to see where the gods fit in the modern tapestry, but i don't think actual history needs to be bastardized in order to write smth like that. there's also the issue with the "western civilization" narrative portrayed in the story, but i don't feel like i could even adequately sum up the issue here.

the fix-it: just. don't have the historical stuff? the insertion of demigods in wwII is supposed to show the destruction of these big three children in battle, and the later prophecy would supposedly give more reasoning as to why the big three can't have children. but why not just have the prophecy recited before wwII and cut out the 'oh demigods partook in wwII" nonsense? [before the war, after the diangelos are born] the gods have already witnessed wars that actual demigods took part in, such as the trojan war, and saw how terrible those effects were. and there were hardly any big three kids in that battle that were main players. if demigods who weren't of big three ancestry caused that much destruction, wouldn't that be apt enough reason, along with the ominous prophecy, not to give birth to any kids? especially because greek mythology is rife with sons trying to overturn their fathers, and said fathers trying to overturn that future. that itself gives perfect context for why this child-making ban would be introduced, and why zeus especially would enforce it (ex. attempted murder of the diangelos) because. he's literally the "son who overturned his father" (kronos.)

luke having romantic feelings for annabeth: why. why. when i was reading the series i always assumed he had spared annabeth because of their familial ties, but in staff of hermes percy describes their relationship as "luke later gaining feelings for her" which...why? lmao

the fix-it: luke does love annabeth, but as a younger sister, and it is that sibling love that makes him spare her all the times he did, and inevitably helps him break from kronos' hold. i think it's much more meaningful, makes more sense [ties into the threeway "family" conflict between thalia, luke, and annabeth], and obviously isn't weird to think about it like the aforementioned canon dynamic.

heroes of olympus:

portrayal of poc characters: now, i'm going to be honest, when i first read hazel's description, i never thought there was anything wrong with it. my rationale for this was "oh, golden eyes because she controls minerals" however many people have brought up how this feeds into the exotic poc caricature. while many characters have oddly colored eyes, i haven't done enough in depth research on the history of written poc characters and their applied descriptors, i don't want to minimize what could be a genuine issue. on another note, while i don't claim to be an expert on native american culture and tradition, i am aware of the numerous claims that native american pjo fans have made about piper, especially her wearing feathers in her hair. i think in her case it's very much cut and dry; rick didn't do his research regarding her heritage, at least in the earlier books.

the fix-it: research.

portrayal of medea (and other mythological characters): in the lost hero, medea is portrayed as a "blood-thirsty psycho," all while ignoring the terrible way jason (from the mythos, not Grace) treated her and the hardships that she went through. and that is my point - pjo does subvert some tropes, like hades being the villain [although given the fact that it is also canon his children were on the axis side, well.] but many times it falls into the same overused narratives, like medusa being characterized as the killer when in reality she was born a gorgon and often visited by heroes who wanted to kill her for glory [the version where she was a priestess was written by ovid, and ovid seems to have a passionate hatred for athena and women in general, as can be seen in his retellings.] i can understand this in pjo, but i think heroes of olympus truly would have benefited from more nuanced characterizations.

the fix it: research!

di angelo's Otherness + the ooc behavior of characters: one detail i always remember is how leo and piper behaved around nico, and the apparent...teasing? bullying? that went on behind his back - at least, it's alluded to that they both make some not-so-nice remarks about him. and it doesn't make sense to me, especially when leo and piper are both victims of bullying, have been judged for their appearance, etc. leo's literal first scene is him making fun of a bully [dylan] to jason, and in the mark of athena, when he and hazel see the vision of sammy making fun of one of hazel's bullies, leo mentions that he used to do that all the time. i think having leo and piper behave this way was supposed to emphasize nico's "not-belonging" within the argo II environment, but why at the sake of their characters? additionally, the scene were he does make those comments seems another way to frame jason as nico's "ally" [which the fandom loves to do while ignoring jason's actions towards nico in general, but that's a whole other thing lmao.]

the fix-it: don't include that post-cupid jason + leo + piper scene. there was already a layer of distrust between that group and nico, which is enough to emphasize a divide.

the detriment of caleo on leo's character arc: romance is everywhere it doesn't need to be in this second series. everyone is with someone, for better or for worse. however, while relationships like jasper and frazel are either unnecessary or badly developed, there is no relationship, i think, that is as detrimental to a character's arc as caleo is to leo. i won't be doing a deep-dive, as there are other posts on this site that delve into the issue better than i could, but i wanted to list it as one of my biggest gripes - it basically takes all his struggles with self and decides to give him a girlfriend as a shoddy fix-all.

the fix-it: there are a lot of ways you could go about rewriting this, but i'd have calypso be freed after the second titanomachy, join the hunters as her sister did - that way she could retain her immortality - and travel the world with them. khione would blast leo off the ship - maybe he gets injured and has to find his way back, thinking all the while that his friends have probably moved on, but he finds that they're all still there, desperately searching. he tells them they should have moved on, and they'd say that they aren't leaving him behind, that he's important to them more than to the mission, etc. although i think for this to work other dynamics would need to be tweaked - [no jasper after the first book; focus is instead on strengthening the lost trio's friendship throughout the rest of the book.]

the ending + gaea: i think it's a general fandom consensus that the ending for blood of olympus left much to be desired. the final battle felt so rushed and...didn't make much sense to me? how do you lift a being who is the earth...out of the earth...? and that's the main issue with me, honestly. how do you defeat the earth? there was that whole "scatter her essence" blurb at the end of the book, but that also didn't make much sense to me. gaea as a villain seemed like a bad choice because a.) her rising up to destory the olympians because of their treatment of her children is a repeat of the gigantomachy, just as pjo is a second titanomachy. it feels like the same narrative is being recycled, and b.) because she is the earth. a primordial being. i don't know how to re-hash this, but it's simply unrealistic to have a band of teenagers defeat an entity as old and powerful in a handful of chapters.

the fix-it: different villain entirely! at least, that's what i would do, because i can't think of a way to destroy the earth that doesn't involve actively poisoning it/j. there are a plethora of interesting mythological figures who would make for good antagonists, and also shed light on issues besides the ones pjo already touched on.

trials of apollo: i have not reread this series in a long while, and unlike the others can't remember as vividly the details, but the thing i remember bothering me the most occured in the dark prophecy, in which two lesbian hunters of artemis describe how they had to leave the hunters on account of their relationship. @solisaureus has an in-depth post about this which effectively sums up the issues and goes into other problems with the hunters, and i think they break it down better than i do, so go check that out!

the sun and the star:

pacing: i enjoyed the book but did feel like it was paced weirdly - for a book all about a couple journeying into tartarus, they only entered tartarus during the last hundred pages. i think this contributes to the bad fight at the ending, too, as it felt very rushed. i think having the couple spend a lot of time in the underworld was supposed to establish will's discomfort and the later conflict, but three hundred pages is a bit much. i also find it difficult to believe that nyx, the literal definition of night, was defeated so quickly, or defeated at all. i did enjoy her as a villain more than i did gaea, but i had the same problem of being dissatisfied with the ending battle.

the fix-it: i feel like having the villain be akhlys would make sense. as the goddess of misery, she might want to convince nico that grief is eternal, inescapable, and that he may as well succumb to a life of tragedy. buuut that would also mean no cocoa puffs. and i like the cocoa puffs - so this one is a bit up in the air for me!

plague will: this is personal to me because i love this headcanon and when it became canon i was all "oh, woah" but then it was. never brought up again lmao.

the fix-it: have him use it earlier in the book [perhaps discover it when he goes out by himself] and try to suppress it, but eventually learn that his negative emotions + memories - "darkness" - shouldn't be suppressed, but rather released; that those aren't things to fear. or at least have him talk about it later with nico and try to sort out what their existence means for him. [there are other problems with tsats that people did bring up, but i don't actually have issues with them - i.e. "the first kiss," "coming-out scene," continuity errors, etc. the coming out scene is especially controversial, but my only issue with that is that nico asked out will without considering will's closeted status. the continuity errors aren't really something to dedicate a whole bullet point to, seeing as rick's timeline is eternally convoluted and just not worth getting irritated over at this point.]

if you want me to elaborate on any of these in a second post i can! thanks for the ask!

[bubblesreplies]

The Middle

Max Brinly X Female Reader

Oneshot

APPARENTLY IF YOU’RE READING THIS IN ANY DARK COLORED FORMAT ON TUMBLR (LIKE NIGHT MODE) IT LOOKS FUCKING WEIRD AND IDK HOW TO FIX IT I’M SO SORRY.

A/N: No, I'm not neglecting my other fics to write a random oneshot? Why would you even suggest---fuck it here it is besties. Anyways, this product of procrastination is dedicated and written for my bestie @house-of-kolchek, who loves Max as much as I do.

WARNINGS AND TAGS: NSFW 18+ ONLY, this is unedited and might be awful, Reader is Jacob's cousin, manipulative!Emma but like in a good way, BFF!Emma, Emma/Jacob, Abi/Nick, making Emma cooler than she is, sweetheart!Max, unrequited love (assumably), forced proximity, sex jokes, unsafe seating situations while driving DO NOT DO THIS PLEASE, lap-sitting, erections, staring down your shirt, teasing, love confessions, very very cheesy and idc anymore

Word Count: 8k

Main Masterlist

“EMMA, that is the stupidest idea in seriously the entire world.”

You meant it, too; you already thought that this little impromptu camping trip was an awful idea; the last time that the group of you were out in the woods, it ended with werewolves, so, could anybody really be blamed for not wanting to tempt fate? And now hearing Emma’s latest plan, you couldn’t help but say fuck this whole entire trip and its mom, too. 

“Oh—come on!” Emma insisted with a pout across her face, leaning across her oversized suitcase—who in the world needed all of that space for a weekend camping trip? “Babes, you are my wing-woman here—my ultimate girl. Come on, please—Jacob won’t even look at me when we hang out. I really need your help with this!”

You sighed; a year ago, when the ten of you—eight, if you considered the fact that you hadn’t actually met two of the camp counselors until the end of the summer—worked at Hackett’s Quarry and endured that shitshow of a summer, you hadn’t even liked Emma. You didn’t like how she had your cousin, Jacob, mooning all over her like she owned the whole fucking Earth. You didn’t like the way that the nicest girl you’d ever met seemed to think she walked on water, too, and you did not appreciate the fact that she thought she was entitled to tell you all the ways that you were doing your makeup all wrong. 

But then, that night happened. The night of the full moon, when your idiot cousin sabotaged the van just to get another night with the woman he’d fallen in love with who couldn’t give a rat’s ass about him. The night where the ten of you had miraculously survived werewolves, and a crazy-ass family trying to kill you all night. That night was what changed everything. 

You’d gotten stranded with Emma running through the woods, and somehow landed yourself in a heated battle with Jacob—who had apparently been bitten by one of those things because he was now one of those things. He, obviously, tried to kill the two of you and Emma thought fast, using a piece of silver jewelry to save both of your lives and buy you enough time to get the hell out of there. 

And then, you’d been locked in a room with her and Abi, the three of you not knowing if you would survive the night, and something just…changed. You began to see her differently, and from that point on, throughout this entire past year, the three of you had been best friends. 

More you and Emma, if you were being honest, because Abi and Nick had just gotten engaged three months ago and most of her free time went to him.

Not that it hurt your feelings. If you somehow managed to bag the man of your dreams, you’d be spending every free moment with him, too. 

“Jacob just…needs time,” you informed her with a groan, throwing your tennis shoes across the room as you frantically looked for your favorite pair of leggings. “He’s still hurt, you know? You can’t just tell him you didn’t mean any of it and then expect him to forgive you and jump back into your arms, Emma.”

“Which is why I need you to get me into his cabin this weekend,” Emma pleaded, getting up from her place on your bed and digging through your drawers as she pulled out the very clothes you were looking for. You swore that sometimes, it was literally like she could read your mind. “All we have to do is fake a fight; I will refuse to sleep in the same cabin as you, and then the boys will offer to switch with us. I’ll get a whole night—and a whole, isolated cabin—with Jacob; and you? Well, let’s not pretend that you aren’t benefitting from my little plan.”

You snorted, shimmying out of your jeans and pulling your leggings up over your legs, smiling as Emma nodded towards your ass in approval. If she thought that you looked good, you could rest assured that you damn well did.

“And how will I benefit from getting into a fake fight with you and causing a scene?” You questioned, your head cocked as Emma passed you your shoes and you eagerly slipped them on. The rest of your group would be here at any minute, and you didn’t want to keep them waiting. 

“Because if I end up in Jacob’s cabin, you know who ends up in yours? Max.”

You whipped around and shot Emma a glare, shaking your head like you couldn’t believe that she would just mention his name all casually like that. You’d made her swear to never bring up your pathetic, unrequited crush on Max Brinly ever again, since the day she’d first found out that it even existed in the first place. 

You first met Max when the sun came up after that hellish night at Hackett’s Quarry. You and Emma had run back to the island to see if Jacob was there and if he was alive, and you ended up running into Max instead. After lots of screaming and confusion, the two of you finally allowed him to explain just how in the fuck he had gotten there and who he was, which is when you learned that your one night of hell had lasted two months for him and his girlfriend. 

Emma had found Jacob and ran after him, but you stayed behind with Max, talking and laughing at his jokes, attempting not to swoon at the adorableness that was his laugh. You had hoped, at the beginning of the summer, to find somebody just like him and have a summer romance. Somebody who was cute, who could make you laugh, and seemed to understand you instantly.

It didn’t work out that way, obviously—seeing as the summer had been over and Max Brinly had a girlfriend. 

Laura eventually came back for him and you parted ways, assuming that this would be the last time that you would ever see Max Brinly, attributing your budding feelings for him as some sort of trauma response to the night that you had just been through. 

Imagine your surprise when, a month after Hackett’s Quarry, the new co-worker that you were assigned to train at the coffee shop was none other than Max Brinly. You assumed right away that he wouldn’t even remember you—why would he?---but you were wrong. He knew exactly and immediately who you were, and the two of you hit it off just as well as you did the first time you had ever spoken to him. It wasn’t long before you were hanging out with him every single day, and he had slowly become your best friend. 

You went to movies together, you got dinner, he came to all of the track and field competitions you ran in at your local university, you helped him study hard enough to get into a new graduate school—literally, anything that you could think of, the two of you did it together.  You even stayed the night at each other’s apartments on occasion, both of you knowing what the other’s couch felt like pretty intimately. 

In fact, the only time the two of you weren’t together was when Laura came to town to visit her boyfriend. Before she dumped him, at least.

It was nearly a month and a half ago now, that you had sat on this very bed with Max as he sobbed, asking you just to hold him and not ask any questions when he told you that he and Laura had broken up. 

“Max isn’t into me, so that really doesn’t help your case,” you grumbled, your pissy mood only continuing to sour the more that you thought about it. After Max and Laura, you thought that you might actually stand a chance with him. After all, he spent all of his free time with you, and you knew that nobody in this world knew him as well as you did—and vice versa. But after the night that he’d sobbed with you, fallen asleep in your bed, and told you how he felt like years of his life were wasted with Laura, nothing ever happened. 

He just went right on back to being the same old Max, your friend.

“Do you seriously still think that that boy has no feelings for you whatsoever?” Emma shrieked, watching as Jacob’s car pulled up from the window, hurriedly throwing her hair up into a sexily-tossed messy bun. “‘Cause, if you do, you’re so wrong that it isn’t even funny anymore.”

“Em, if he had feelings for me, then why didn’t anything change after he and Laura broke up?!” You interjected, a frown pulling at your lips as you grabbed your tiny duffel bag and hiked it up over your shoulder. “And also, why would he date Laura for so long if he actually, secretly liked me instead? Your logic isn’t logic-ing,” you insisted, and Emma smirked.

“You are so naive that it’s actually kind of cute,” she responded, rolling her eyes as Jacob opted to honk instead of being a gentleman and coming to the door. Emma sauntered over to you, playing with the ends of your hoodie and eyeing it suspiciously. “Look, just—help me with this plan, and you’ll see, okay? And change into that sexy little top I bought you last month for the car ride.”

“Emma!”

“Just trust me!” Emma insisted, pulling the hoodie up and over your head for you and tossing you the lacey black crop top she’d bought you last month. “Put it on—good, yes, I would so bang you—oh, and just in case you find out that Max also wants to bang you, I snuck condoms into your bag.”

“You have got to be kidding me, Emma!” You shrieked, although it was with a large smile on your face as you were, once again, blown away by the antics of your friend. 

Emma only laughed as the two of you rushed down to the car, you having to help Emma with one half of her bag since she’d brought such a gigantic one. You’d barely made it to the door before there was a knock on it—apparently Jacob had decided to be a gentleman after all. Or he’d simply gotten impatient, which was the better bet of the two options.

“Keep your pants on cuz, we’re coming,” you hissed out, lowering your end of Emma’s bag to the ground as you ripped open the door to your apartment. Your annoyed glare dropped and your mouth fell open as you saw Max standing there, his cheeks red and running a hand through his freshly-cut red hair. “Max! I, uh, thought you were Jacob?”

Fuck, why did you sound so fucking awkward?! Your conversation with Emma had you paranoid and upset, and if you kept acting this way, Max would definitely notice. The two of you had crossed the awkward barrier a long time ago.

“Ah, nah,” Max answered, his signature smile flashing across his face and warming you up from the inside out. “Jake’s too possessive over that steering wheel to get his ass over to the door honestly.”

“That and he doesn’t want to have to speak to me,” Emma sighed, lugging her bag forward and hitting Max in the chest with it. You suppressed a giggle as he let out an “Oomph!”, but he caught your smile and playfully sneered at you. “Oh, what a gentleman! And damn, Max, I’ve never noticed how strong you are. Have you, Y/n?! Have you ever noticed those biceps?” 

“Cut it out, Emma,” you hissed under your breath, grateful that Max had already turned around and was heaving her oversized bag to the trunk of the car. “I know what you’re doing, and it isn’t going to work on me.”

“What am I doing?” Emma asked with faux innocence, batting her eyelashes heavily down at you before she winked. “Just use it as fuel for our fake fire, if you want, babes. Besides—would it really kill you to admit in front of him that he looks good?! Give the boy a win, Y/n!”

“He does not think of me that way—”

“Hey, um, Emma?” Max called out as you were locking your front door behind you, and you turned and ran over to where he was pursing his lips behind the trunk. “Maybe we should’ve brought a bigger car, but, your bag is not going to fit back here.”

Emma turned to look and her lips, too, were pursed. 

“Well, where’s everyone sitting?” She asked, peering her head into the car to check out the situation. 

“Well, uh, Jacob’s driving—obviously—Abi and Nick are in the row of two seats behind him, and then he wants you to sit back in the last row with me while Y/n takes the passenger seat,” Max explained, using his hands to gesture to each person. Abi turned around to look at you from her place in the car, Nick’s head in her lap as he slept, and she waved. You waved back, grimacing at the large bag that was seated at your feet. 

“Hmm, no, that won’t do,” Emma insisted with a wave of her hand, using all of her strength to heave her bag up and over the full trunk of the car and into the last row of seats. “It’s going to have to go here—and oh, I really didn’t sleep well last night, so if I don’t sit in the passenger seat, I’ll get sick.” 

Max’s jaw dropped and he scoffed lightly, looking between the two of you as you held in a large groan. 

“I don’t really see how that makes any sense?” He questioned.

“So Y/n will have to sit in the back, with you!” Emma finished with a gleeful squeal, hurrying to shut the trunk and turning to make her way to the passenger seat of the car. 

“Um—hold on a minute, just where the fuck in the back will I sit?!” You barked out, gesturing incredulously to the monstrosity that was her luggage all over the back seat of the car. “Your bag is taking up the entire row—all but one seat, Em! And it’s way too fucking big to go down at our feet!” 

Emma put a daintly little finger to her chin, and you could tell that she was only pretending to think about the predicament.

“Well, it’s only about a forty-five minute drive,” she informed you, a wicked smile pushing its way onto her lips. “It’s not that long, so, just sit on Max’s lap?”

Your eyes widened and you felt sweat beading on the back of your neck, your heart beating at an intensely quick pace just at the mere thought of having to sit on Max. One look at Max’s face showed he heard her suggestion, too, because it was unnaturally blank and pale. 

You walked closer to Emma, pulling her into you as you said, “You better be fucking for real with your next suggestion, or we will get in an actual fight, Emma,” you warned her, your voice low enough that Max couldn’t hear it. You noticed that he was already ushering Nick and Abi out of the car, hurrying to his seat in the back, and the three of them were just waiting on you. 

“Oh my g—will you just trust me, for once in your life?!” Emma begged dramatically, clinging onto your arm and giving you a little push towards Max. “Thank me later, hoe.”

Oh no, I will not be thanking you later, you sneaky little she-devil, you thought to yourself, climbing over Abi’s seat and landing ungracefully into Max’s lap. He caught you much more elegantly than you fell, luckily, and he helped you right yourself so that your back was facing his chest. 

You turned your face towards him despite the fact that it was burning, and you brushed a strand of hair back behind your ear. 

“You know, I could always just sit on her bag instead of on you,” you offered, geturing weakly over to the big problem that Emma had handed over to the two of you with a private sneer at her back. “That way I won’t crush your legs into tiny pieces of ash.”

Max actually laughed out loud at that and your heart swelled with a feeling of accomplishment; Max was funny, he had probably always been funny, and anytime that you had gotten him to laugh, you took it as a personal achievement. 

“Please sweetheart, as if you could,” Max retorted, winding an arm around your waist as he pulled your back flush against his chest, leaving his arm to rest across your stomach and his fingers splayed across your hipbone. You closed your eyes, holding in a sigh as you prayed that he couldn’t see the way that your face had reddened from this angle. “Besides, this is probably the…safer option of the two.”

You heartily disagreed with that. 

Still, you positioned yourself against him, awkwardly playing with your fingers on your lap as you had no idea where to rest your hands. You and Max were close, yes, but you had never physically been close, aside from a few silly moments of teasing tickles, accidentally falling asleep on his shoulder, or him resting his legs on your lap as the two of you watched a movie together. This was entirely new territory, and you had no idea what to do with it, and you knew that if Emma hadn’t forced this to happen, that Max wouldn’t have chosen to even be in this situation with you. Probably. 

“Jacob, the drive is forty-five minutes?” You called up to him, wincing as you watched your cousin’s teeth grit in the rearview mirror as he attempted to ignore Emma completely.

“An hour, if traffic’s bad,” Jacob called back and you groaned, your leg shaking furiously in your nervousness. As if Max could sense that you were on edge—fuck, with the way that you were bouncing around he probably could feel it—his other hand landed on your thigh, rubbing calming circles around as he successfully got it to stop shaking.

“Sorry, I don’t know why I’m so anxious today,” you sighed, rubbing a hand down your face and leaning back into Max. You could hear his groan and you winced, assuming you had hurt him, as you instantly tried to reposition yourself to take some of the weight off of him.

After a few minutes of frantic wiggling, Max’s hands harshly gripped onto your waist, his fingernails digging into you as he held you tightly into place and you froze, your eyes wide and breath held. 

“Y/n, please—stop.” Max’s voice was incredibly hoarse, coming out in a groan and you winced again, mortified that you had hurt him enough to elicit this sort of response. 

“Oh shit, Max! I am so sorry—I was trying not to hurt you and then I did hurt you and—”

“Y/n!” Max interrupted, clearing his throat so that his voice sounded a lot more normal and less husky. “Honey, you’re not hurting me, just—don’t wiggle around right—there.”

Your eyebrows raised in confusion at his words and your brain couldn’t process what the hell he was saying, so you just opted to nod, leaning forward as far as you could and beginning a conversation with Abi as you tried with every ounce of your being to not put much weight on Max. It took every ounce of concentration that you had to not think about the fact that you were touching the love of your life and focus on Abi’s words about wedding planning, but somehow, you did it. 

“Hey, uh, Jake?” Max suddenly called out, and you noticed that his voice had gone hoarse again and that his tone was tight and clipped. Higher than normal. You frowned; in your conversation with Abi, you had slipped a little further backwards than you’d realized, back into his lap. “How much longer?”

“Thirty minutes,” Jacob growled, and you noticed Emma looking a little offput herself. “It’s looking closer to an hour total at this point.”

“Alright then, we need to stop,” Max insisted and you stifled a pathetic whine, embarrassed that you were this hard to bear just sitting on his lap. It probably didn’t help that you were still actively avoiding any and all contact with him, practically leaving him here in the backseat to talk to himself as you ignored him, anxious and letting Emma’s words get to your head.

You needed to stop. You and Max were friends. Good friends, and you were being absolutely ridiculous about this whole thing. 

Three minutes later, Jacob pulled off at a reststop and you lifted off of Max instantly, watching him scamper out of the car after Abi and Nick and hurrying into the men’s restroom. With everyone out of the car but you and Emma, you climbed over the seats and sat between her seat and the driver’s seat, staring at her with wide eyes.

“So,” you started out, pointedly ignoring the tears in her eyes, knowing she wouldn’t want to talk about it right now. “Your plan to make me sit on Max is not working; I can barely say two words to the guy, and his poor legs are getting crushed by me. He probably can’t think of anything but leg cramps!” 

“Oh, please,” Emma scoffed, dabbing at her eyes with a tissued and waving your worries away with a flick of her hand. “Look at him, and look at you; there must be some other reason he needs a break.”

“Oh yeah?” You fought back, crossing your arms over your chest as you frowned at your friend. “Like what, exactly? It’s not working Emma, you’re miserable up here, and I am back there; we should just switch places. You’re smaller than me.”

“I am not,” Emma sighed.

“All I know is one minute, I can’t sit still, and the next minute, he’s grabbing my hips and telling me to stop wiggling around,” you continued on, as if Emma hadn’t even interjected. “What else could it be if not that I was—”

You instantly stopped talking as Emma looked over to you, mouth opened and eyes glinting with excitement. 

“You poor naive little thing!” She giggled, pulling your arms so that you were practically sitting on her lap. “Y/n, you aren’t hurting him—you’re turning him on and he doesn’t want you to feel it!” 

You felt pinpricks across your face as the entire thing turned white, and you were suddenly feeling a little nauseous. 

“What?” You questioned, shaking your head lutching nervously at your hair. “What? I—no, Max isn’t—he wasn’t—”

“Oh, yes, yes he was,” Emma argued, and there was a light in her eyes that replaced whatever sadness she had been feeling before you came up there to talk to her. “Okay, do exactly as I say; when Max comes back out to the car, sit back on him just like you were that first time. Wiggle around a bit again—”

“What? No!”

“Just trust me—wiggle around a little bit again, then ask him if he wants to watch something with you on your phone. When you turn it on, lean back against him so that your back is arched and he gets a good, full view down your—”

“Okay, and this is where I officially stop you, you are crazy,” you intoned, shaking your head and leaning away from your friend. “Max is not into me—in case you managed to forget about that, babes—and besides, I can’t just show him my boobs, Emma! They’re my—boobs. They’re, like, private.”

“Holy fuck, how are you not a virgin,” Emma groaned, shoving you back towards your seat as she pointed eagerly out of the car. “Okay, babes, here he comes—just trust me, okay?! Do it!” 

You opened your mouth to argue again, but the words fell from your lips as the car door opened and Max poked his head inside, grinning over at you as his eyes darted back and forth between you and Emma. 

“What, uh, what’s going on here?” He asked, and you shot a glare at Emma as she giggled, hiding her face in her shirt and sending an ominous wink your way. You tried as well as you could to tell her to shut up with your eyes, but she ignored you in typical Emma fashion. 

“Nothing,” you replied, shaking your head and sending him a smile. “I was just feeling nervous about getting away this weekend and Emma was talking me down. That’s it.”

“Ah,” Max yawned, heading back to his seat and patting his lap for you to join him. You blushed. “Is that why you’re acting so weird? You haven’t spoken to me for the last, like twenty-five minutes.”

“Yeah, sorry, just nervous,” you insisted, climbing back over Abi’s seat and settling yourself on top of Max’s lap. As you looked up after readjusting, your eyes met Emma’s in the rearview mirror and she nodded, looking from you to Max’s…well…yeah. 

You cleared your throat, feeling the burn of your phone in your pocket as you stared widely back at her, conveying that she was being way too obvious, here. Regardless, a part of you was…curious, now, and with Laura out of the picture and Max completely single, it’s not like a little testing of the waters was inappropriate anymore. What could it hurt, really? Max was too nice to reject you, so if he wasn’t into it, he just wouldn’t say anything and you’d let it go forever. But, if he really was into it—

Well that was the best-case scenario, wasn’t it?

So, you shifted; nothing crazy and nowhere close to grinding—just a small, flick of the hips that brushed right up against his crotch. Max’s breath hitched and you froze, wondering if you’d truly heard that right, completely distracted from the fact that Abi and Nick were re-entering the car and that Jacob was starting it again, getting ready to head on the road once more. 

A hitch of a breath wasn’t enough of a confirmation for you, so you shifted once again, and then again and then again, and this time Max’s hands lifted back up to your hips, grasping for dear life as you settled your ass back down to his crotch, turning your head to watch as his eyes shut tight and he bit his lip.

“Y/n—”

“Do you want to watch part of a movie with me?” You interrupted, watching as Max’s eyes flashed open, a glint of pain underneath them that had you second-guessing what had just happened. Max smiled down at you, though—that brilliant smile that God had blessed him with—and nodded.

You had no idea what you were going to watch, but your fingers worked anyway, hurriedly typing some stupid TikTok compilation that you hoped he wouldn’t get too distracted by. Max laid his chin on your shoulder, his hands that were gripping your waist winding around your front and interlocking as he held you, his face snuggling slightly into your neck.

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, your mind reiterated as you slowly breathed out, your heart pounding wildly in your chest as you silently prayed that Max couldn’t hear it, and that he couldn’t feel the way that your skin had suddenly heated up and become sweaty. It wasn’t even that cuddling with Max was anything new—as a person, he was a fucking lapdog—but it was the fact that you had never sat on his fucking lap before while cuddling. Never had intentions to turn him on, never gave him this much of a glance down your lowcut shirt—

Y/n, don’t be a pussy, your inner Emma chastised and you shut your eyes tight and sucked in a breath, desperately trying to convince yourself not to go through with this. But damn it—you sort of wanted to and, so far, Max hadn’t shown a single sign that he’d wanted you to sit anywhere else. 

It was halfway through the video that you forgot the rest of the people in the car and arched backward without a minute to second guess yourself, pretending to stretch your arms above your head as you knew you were, successfully, letting Max have a perfect show of your black lacy bra underneath your shirt, and under that, the perfectly rounded mounds of breasts that it pushed up.

You heard a sharp inhale and dared a look at his face; he was as white as a ghost, and even his perfectly placed freckles had gone impossibly paler—and yet his eyes, those gorgeously sea-colored orbs, were still staring down your shirt, transfixed, as he studied your figure. 

“Alright, everybody out!” Jacob suddenly called out, and the two of you jumped, Max’s eyes meeting yours as he was brought back to reality. His eyes, no longer clouded over with lust, widened and a blush spread unevenly across his face as he realized that he’d been caught watching you. “We’re here!”

“Y/n,” Max breathed out, whipping his arms away from you and running nervous hands through his newly cut hair. “Shit, Y/n, I’m so sorry, I—I wasn’t—I mean I was but…” You smiled as he stuttered along, a giggle framing your mouth and escaping out of your lip, causing Max’s gaze to whip back onto you. You couldn’t help it; he was always so damn cute when he was flustered.

“Does it make it any less creepy if I’m aware that staring down your shirt is creepy?” Max asked, equal parts timid and teasing. You laughed aloud at that, the two of you lingering in the backseat of the car while the rest of the party headed out. 

“It’s fine, Max,” you insisted with a shrug and a wink, conveying in every way possible that you weren’t completely innocent here either. “No one wears a bra like this for it not to be seen, sweetheart.” 

The words coming out of your mouth shocked even you, and Max’s entire jaw fell open as he stared at you in complete and utter disbelief. 

“Whoa, Y/n,” he reared away from you, just to get a better look at your face, testing to see if you were saying what he thought that you were saying. His hands found their way to your waist again and he touched you softly, his thumbs running up and down the curves of your hipbones as he stared in wonder down at you. “Are you saying that you wanted me to—”

“Are you two gonna get out of the car, or do you plan on freezing your little asses off all night?!” Jacob called out as he forced open the trunk of the car, staring in disbelief at the two of you still sitting there. You both jumped, eyes turning to Jacob with guilty blushes, and you didn’t waste another second climbing off of Max and over the seats, pushing your way past Jacob and onto the dirt-clodded driveway. 

Taking your bag from your cousin and asking a hurried, “Where’s our cabin again?” You received directions and hurried off in the direction of the cabin that you and Emma were supposed to share, attempting to outrun Max so that he couldn’t question you any further.

What the hell had you been thinking?! You hadn’t, obviously, and you’d let Emma’s skewed opinion get to you. Now, you had to come up with a solution for some serious damage control before Max got to you with his, What’s gotten into you today? And his, Look, I know you must have been kidding, or his I’m sorry Y/n, I’m just not attracted to you that way—

“Fuck,” you muttered to yourself, throwing open the door to the cabin and chucking your suitcase onto the empty bed. Emma was standing on the other side of the room, facing the bathrooms, but she jumped and turned around when she heard the slam of the front door. “Fuck this whole plan, Emma, and fuck my stupid self too. I can’t believe that I actually let myself believe that Max was really into me and I—holy shit, are you crying?!?”

Emma’s pretty hazel eyes were red-rimmed, but the telltale giveaway that she’d been sobbing was the tear tracks of black mascara spreading down her cheeks and clumping up near her pointy chin.

Once her mind had registered your question, she began sobbing once again, her hands coming up to cover her eyes and you ran to her, throwing your arms around her neck and feeling her own arms go around your waist as she sobbed into your neck heartily. 

“Honey, what happened?” You asked, but your voice was muffled by your much taller friend’s collarbone. You pulled away from her and sat her down on her bed, sitting down next to her and taking her hand in yours. “Emma, what did my idiot cousin say to you? You know that big dummy acts completely on emotions, so whatever he said, I’m sure it was just in the heat of the—”

“He meant it,” Emma interrupted you, pulling her hand out of yours and using it to wipe her eyes. “But I don’t even want to talk about it right now, so—tell me what happened with Max.” You opened your mouth to protest but she shot you her “Emma” look—the look that told you that arguing would quite literally be pointless. So, you sighed, letting yourself fall backward onto the bed and groaning as your head hit the awfully lumpy mattress she’d been provided tonight.

“I don’t know what happened, Emma,” you admitted with a whine, feeling her lay down beside you and cuddle her head into yours comfortingly. “It was like I had this sudden, insane boost of confidence and I was like…grinding on him and giving him a full show of my boobs—”

“You do have great boobs—”

“And then when he noticed that I caught him staring at my breasts, I kindofsortofmaybe insinuated that I wanted him to look down my shirt and then he was about to ask me if I really meant that I wanted him to see me naked and then Jacob interrupted us and I freaked out and ran away.”

Emma just stared back at you, blinking occasionally, as if she were really confused.

“Why?” She finally asked, staring down at you in confusion. You blinked back at her, shaking your head bewilderedly. 

“Wait, why what?”

“Why did you run away, you fucking dumbass!” Emma insulted, but it was loving and the two of you laughed as she pushed you off the bed and you squealed. “Seriously, Y/n, what the fuck? You ran away? After doing all of that you just ran?”

“I was scared!” You defend your actions with a hiss, pulling yourself up off of the floor and planting down next to her again. “Fuck, Emma, Max is my best friend. I cannot risk freaking him out and losing him, okay? I just…can’t, okay, he means…he means everything to me, Emma, he’s the most important person in the whole world. He’s my best friend.”

“Ouch,” Emma responded, but there was a fond smile on her face and a happy gleam in her eyes as she gazed down at you. “Babes, you know that you’re the most important thing in the world to him too, right? Even if he didn’t feel the same way about you, he wouldn’t let this ruin your friendship. You know that, right?” 

You shrugged and looked away from her, playing with your hands as you avoided the question. Did you know that? No, not really. Yeah, the two of you were really close, and yeah, he spent most of his free time with you, but that didn’t mean that this wasn’t something that would freak him out enough to ghost you.

“Shit, if I was going to do something as fucking ridiculous as this, I should have just bit the and told him how I felt,” you finally responded with a sigh, pushing yourself off of the bed and shuffling your feet over the cold, hardwood floor. “But you know, maybe this way, there’s some way that I can play it off?”

“Okay babes, I’m just going to say this once and I’m going to say it outright,” Emma cut you off, standing in front of you and forcing your chin up to look your much taller friend in the eyes. “I know why they broke up, Y/n. The real reason, and if you just fucking ask me I will tell you right here, right now.”

The offer was, obviously, tempting; and two or three years ago you’d probably be a lesser person and taken that offer. As it was, though, you valued Max and his privacy, and if he’d wanted you to know, he would have told you himself. 

“No, I don’t want to know,” you insisted, pursing your lips and pulling away from Emma. “It isn’t any of my business, and Max made that abundantly clear by not telling me inthe first place.”

“Of fucking course,” Emma groaned with a shake of her head, rolling her eyes at you and then fixing you with a glare. “The two of you are both so stupid.”

“Gee, thanks Em.” Your words fell flat as you shot her your own sharp look and she gulped, having the common decency to at least look like she felt bad for saying what she did. “Besides, why do you even know the reason Laura dumped him?”

“Laura didn’t dump Max—Max dumped Laura,” Emma clarified and your heart dropped into your stomach. The piece of news, realistically, probably should have made you feel better, but it didn’t. It only made you feel worse, like your heart had been stomped on and used up. Because—if that was true—if Max had dumped Laura—then why had he been so upset that night when he came over to your house? And why the fuck had he lied to you about it?

“What?” You asked, your voice tiny and fragile, and Emma looked back at you, confused. 

“Max broke up with Laura,” Emma repeated, and was somehow completely missing the broken, wounded look that was written all over your face. “He dumped her, because he wasn’t in love with her, Y/n, he realized that he was—”

“Emma.” 

Jacob’s voice pierced through the air, and the two of you jumped towards the sound, to where your cousin was currently glaring daggers towards your best friend. Emma immediately shut up, shooting you a guilty look as she moved farther away from you and towards Jacob. 

“Y/n, can you please give us a moment?” Jacob asked, his throat froggy and having to clear it as he continued staring at Emma. When you saw the raw, heated look pass between them you excused yourself quickly, knowing that whatever feud they were having was about to be made up in tenfold. You forgot to bring your suitcase with you—not even thinking that you’d effectively be kicked out of your cabin for the night—as you ran outside, outside to the nothingness that awaited you.

No, seriously.

There was not a soul out here, Abi and Nick notably missing and Max even nowhere to be seen—not that you even wanted to see him right now anyways. Your heart was barely beating in your chest at the revelation that he’d lied to you—you, supposedly his closest friend—about something that was so huge. Then again, maybe he had no idea how huge it was to you. He didn’t at all, actually, because he had no idea that you were so annoyingly and stupidly in love with him. 

“Fuck this day, and fuck everyone else,” you groaned to yourself as you plopped down on a metal bench under a canopy, covering your eyes with your hands as you whined. 

“That an invitation?” 

Max’s voice sent your blood running cold and you jumped, shocked, turning yourself towards him as he stood slightly behind you, watching you warily. His face was red, but he was smiling at you, and he made his way over and sat at the bench opposite you slowly. 

The two of you stared at each other for a while—one of you, optimistically nervous, and the other of you having had your heart shattered into a million little pieces just ten minutes ago. Neither of you said anything, unsure of what exactly you should say, for a long time until finally, Max broke the silence.

“Y/n,” Max spoke, clearing his throat from the nervousness that threatened to choke and overtake him. “About what you said in the car—”

“You lied to me.” 

You hadn’t intended for it to come out like that, but there it was, and there was no taking it back now. 

Max reared back, astonishment registering across his perfect features. 

“I—what?” He shook his head back and forth, as if he couldn’t quite comprehend what you were saying. “I lied about—about the car?”

“No Max, not about the fucking car!” You swore, rising from your seat in your anger. Max followed quickly, a gentle hand on your elbow that you quickly ripped out of his grasp. “You lied to me about—about Laura! You told me that she—that she broke up with you, Max! You were heartbroken, you were crying, you lied!” 

You thought that there were tears streaming down your face but you couldn’t really tell at the moment. All you could feel was the adrenaline that was being fueled by your anger, and all you could see was the shock that hadn’t left Max’s face since you’d first spoken. 

“Who told you that?” Max questioned, and the fact that he wasn’t denying it made you even more upset and you huffed, turning around on one heel and heading towards—fuck, you had absolutely nowhere to go.

“Does it matter?” You answered, turning back around and accepting the fact that the only way you were going to get to be alone was if Max went back to his cabin and left you here and, knowing him, that wasn’t likely to happen. “You lied, Max. And I’m pissed about it. That’s the only thing that you should care about.”

You still hadn’t turned around to face him, so he made his way in front of you instead, placing tentative hands on both of your arms and levelling his face with yours. 

“Sweetheart, please look at me.” Fuck; you were weak anytime that Max called you sweetheart and you knew that he knew it, too. Hating yourself just a little bit more for it, you looked up at him, unaware of how your big, sad eyes caused every cell in his body to melt. 

“Why did you lie to me?” The question slipped through your lips without your consent and Max sighed, releasing your arms and pressing a hand into your hip so that you couldn’t get away again. 

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” Max answered simply and you reared back, out of his touch, away from his hold, as you scoffed in response.

“You didn’t want to hurt me?” You shrieked, pulling farther away from him and pushing your hands out in front of you to stop him when he tried to reach out for you again. “What the fuck—how the fuck would that have hurt me, Max?”

Max winced, running a nervous hand through his hair, and inspected his surroundings, as if he wished somebody else would come out any minute now. 

“Y/n, you are my best friend,” Max pleaded, and you could see the desperation in his eyes but you had no idea why he was so upset. “You know me better than anybody else in this entire world, honey, please—can you give me the benefit of the doubt on this one? Can you let me tell you when I’m ready?”

“No, Max, obviously I cannot do that because obviously it has something to do with me!” You retorted sharply, angry tears burning hot at the corners of your eyes, hotter than normal, devastated tears. “Like—what is going on, Max? I hae this feeling that everybody’s in on this secret, everybody but me—and I should know it, I should know what’s going on with you—”

“Y/n, sweetheart!” Max interrupted again, and this time, he successfully gathered your hands into his. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry that I lied—really I am, but—why is it so important to you?” You glared back at him, pulling your hands out of his grasp and beginning to walk away from him. “Why is it such a big deal that I didn’t tell you the whole truth?”

“Because I’m in love with you, you idiot!” You screamed back at him, your body turning back around on its own accord as the screech left your mouth. You both heard the words echo against a canyon somewhere, and you blanched, unaware of what you’d actually said and the weight of them until they hit you in the chest on the reverb.

Max’s mouth had dropped open and he stepped away from you in shock, his hands coming up to frame his cheeks, never making actual physical contact with his face. He stared back at you, his eyes wide and full of wonder, as if he were seeing you for the first time, all over again. 

“You’re—” Max gulped, but he took a step closer to you, a smile adorning his freckled cheeks. “You’re in love with me? Really?”

Your heart sunk again when he spoke and you shook your head, backing away from him and pressing two fingers to the bridge of your nose as you suddenly felt an oncoming migraine. 

“I’m sorry Max,” you apologized, feeling a bout of nausea spring up in your stomach as you realized that you’d just past the point of no return. “Shit, I’m so sorry, I should have never even said anything—I should have let it go—”

“I broke up with Laura because I’m in love with you.”

The words came out quickly, like Max was afraid that if he hadn’t said them as quickly as he did that he wouldn’t say them at all. You reaction was surprisingly slow compared to everything else you’d done in haste tonight, and you dropped your hands from your face and gazed up at the man in front of you, who was staring back at you with awe. 

“W—what?”

“I love you,” Max repeated, taking another step towards you with his light, airy chuckle that you loved so damn much. “And I didn’t tell you that night I broke up with Laura because I thought that you’d think I was lying, or that you were a rebound, and you’re not, Y/n. You’re absolutely not—I’ve loved you for a long enough time that I’m a total asshole for letting it go on with Laura for as long as I did.”

“Then why—why did you—”

“I lied because I didn’t want you to think that any of this was your fault,” Max continued, and he was so close now that his arms were winding around your waist and his forehead was pressed to yours. “I just—I knew, the second I saw you again in that coffee shop, that it was fate. And I lied to myself, hoping that my relationship would just fizzle out on its own and that I wouldn’t have to hurt anyone but—fuck, I would break Laura’s heart a thousand times over if it meant that I might get to be with you in the end,” Max finished, and you were stunned silent, unaware of how to speak anymore. 

“Do I—” Max took a sharp inhale of breath and a step back to assess your face. “Do I get you in the end?”

You smiled back at him before pressing your lips so tightly to his, wrapping your body so hard around his own, that the two of you could barely breathe in anything that wasn’t lingering on each other’s bodies. 

“You had me,” you answered in between breathless kisses, in between promises, in between hopeful smiles. “You had me at the beginning.”

if you liked this cheesy shit, check out my multichapters!

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FOREVER TAGLIST:

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[literallyrave]

Jason getting an unexpected surge of pit madness and one of the batsiblings (up to you) tries to help him out of it. Jason is semi lucid maybe because these have been happening for a while and he's desperately trying to not hurt his sibling and begs for them to go away :') good luck with the writing/creativity block<3

Fudge Cookies

I love this ask so much!! This is the first time writing for something that wasn’t an essay so please bear with me, this was really fun to write overall!! idk if I did this right because I’m not to fond of pit madness but it’s still a fun concept so this is my take on it

Warnings: PTSD, aggressive behavior, language

It was getting bad, really bad, extremely fucking bad. Jason was supposed to be getting ready for patrol. He went to Wayne manor to get one of his gadgets fixed up since the bat cave seemed to have every death trap and work bench in history. Jason was in the batcave, leaning against a wall trying to keep calm, focus on his hands, the colors he was seeing, anything but the pounding in his head and the urge to choke someone until they take one last breath.

There were footsteps, of fucking course, they weren’t heavy like Bruce’s, not as steep as Dick’s, and not as feathery as Tim’s.

“Do you plan on leaving or are you just gonna lean on my workspace?” Damian said with Witt, hands on his hips as he gave Jason a glance before noticing Jason’s eyes and how they looked glassy and angry

“Are you feeling alright?” Damian asked with a stand offish tone before letting his arms go down to his sides

“Fine just- want to be alone” Jason stumbled, his gaze looking away from Damian, his voice just wanted to make him pounce

“Because leaving you alone with the most deadly weapons would keep you and everyone feeling safe?” Damian replied, always so damn snarky, Jason thought.

He wanted to reply back with his own snarky, almost demeaning reply but he could only muster up a “Jesus I’m-I’m fine okay? I’ll be out in a minute, go.” Jason shivered, he crossed his arms over his stomach

“Seriously? You’re obviously not okay, Jason. I’ll go get father-“ Damian’s voice was cut off by a “NO! Do NOT get Bruce- Just-“ Jason lets out a shaken breath as he pinches the bridge of his nose. Frustrated, and scared, thats what Jason was right now.

"Fine. But I can’t leave you here, what’s wrong?” Damian’s voice was still normal but more with a hint concern when he didn’t get a response, only Jason’s eyes aimlessly looking at the wall to Damian’s right.

Jason was out of it, he wasn’t hearing a voice or anything other then the sound of a crowbar hit his ribs, his bones snapping. It made him aggressive thinking about what he could’ve done, how weak and hopeless he felt. He snapped his head forward when he heard a loud *SNAP* in front of him to be met with Damian’s hands clasped together before putting them down.

“You should lay down. Zoning out while feeling fatigued could mean you have hypoglycemia, do you not consume enough sugar?" He thought he was simply fatigued? Jason wasn't necessarily mad about that, it was better then him knowing he felt a need to quite literally beat someone to death and that he was reliving hell.

"Damian. Go. Please" He practically begged as his breaths sharpened. He didn't want to hurt anyone, but if he kept hearing this nagging, aching voice he would.

"I really don't necessarily like you but i know that you clearly need help, and said 'help' cannot be provided in the bat cave of all places" Damian didn't dislike his brother at all but he did right now he was being stubborn! Thats how Damian viewed it so he went on, and on for about 20 seconds before Jason practically lunged forward

"Listen, you are being a fucking- Damian, i'm begging just- don't talk" Jason's eyes became glassy as he walked off. Damian was opened his mouth to speak but was cut off

"I-I'll go to my room just- leave me alone" Jason walked as if he was drunk. Damian watched from a distance, following behind Jason to make it to his room until he came to a stop halfway in the hallway.

Jason nearly fell on his ass if his hand wasn't leaning on the wall. Nothing was off about the house just an anomaly, said anomaly being the chair he was sat in for months that felt like a decade. Jason knew it wasn't real but it was unnerving with the silence. He stared at the blood on the back, the arm rests with the ropes before snapping out of it. Walking forward until he got to his room. He slammed the door closed as he stumbled to his bed with a cry.

Damian was worried, he cared about his family even if he didn't act like it. He wasn't good at comforting people, so when he is told more then two times he should be alone he wanted to leave him alone. But he also didn't want his brother to feel alone. He remembered those cookies Alfred had made, chocolate chip with fudge in the middle, a complete sugar overdose that Jason *somehow* liked.

Jason's head pounded like a small alien was trying to take over his brain. He took the pain killers in his bedside drawer, which obviously wouldn't cut it off but would at least ease it, even if it was only a tiny bit. He laid on his bed as he felt like he was melting, the sounds of everything that had happened, the voices, everything was too much until there was the small click of his door opening. The talking in his head stopped and they sounds were fainting as glass was lightly heard tapping the carpeted floor.

He sat up, seeing cookies sat by his door he wobbly went to the plate, picked it up and brought it back to the bed. He unconsciously picked up a cookie and bit into it. His favorite cookie since he was 9. The fudge was warm and the chocolate chips were cold. He looked down at the plate, about to pick another one up before seeing a blue sticky note that read 'i've made Alfred make another batch. He says they will be done in about 28 minutes. Please come down into the living room by then so we can play chess PS: i will win' was wrote in red pen ink. Jason rolled his eyes as a grin threatened his lips. The pounding was like a light heartbeat now, no voices, no sounds, no anything. Maybe it was just low blood sugar after all.

[chvoswxtch]

Hi 🙋‍♀️ it’s me again

Thank you for being lovely, I’m so glad your requests are open!

Little backstory, I have undiagnosed ✨ spinal issues ✨ which give me chronic back and neck pain. Despite this, I really like the feeling of pressure on my neck and back. Like someone’s firm grip on the back of my neck, or them snuggled up against my back. Idk just that contact makes me feel better.

Lately, my neck has been worse than normal and hurts whenever I do not have it rested against something like a pillow or headrest to help hold it up for me.

I was hoping it would be okay to request a little blurb or something of everyone’s favorite soft bad boy Frank Castle offering to give you a little neck massage?

hi my darling! thank YOU for being so lovely, and thank you so much for the request. you can absolutely request everyone's favorite soft bad boy whenever you want.

I apologize this took longer than I expected to get out, but I hope it brings you the comfort you need! i've dealt with back problems for years (nothing even close to what you're dealing with though, my poor angel) so I totally get how much it sucks when nothing seems to help. I hope today is a better day for you, and you're not in too much pain. if I could snap my fingers & make frankie appear in your bedroom with his magic hands nonnie, I totally would. I hope this helps. ❤️

there's really no warnings for this except frank being cute and sweet as hell. also i'm not sure if the glitch with dark mode has been fixed or not but if you're on dark mode, you may have trouble viewing this. I apologize for any inconvenience reading in advance! word count: 1.5k

magic hands.

A soft whine of discontent slipped past your lips as a surge of pain shot down your spine. You gingerly rubbed at the back of your neck, trying to alleviate some of the distress that was plaguing your entire spinal cord. No matter what you did, the pain didn’t go away. If anything, the more you tried to soothe the sting, the more the discomfort spread throughout your neck and back. Soft pillows and heating pads seemed to provide a little help, but not enough to where you felt like you could function normally. Hell, even holding your own head up was sometimes unbearable. 

“You alright?”

You jumped slightly when Frank’s gruff voice cut through the silence of your bedroom and winced when you turned your head a little too quickly for your body’s liking.

“Shit, I didn’t even hear you come in. You have to make noise when you get here, we talked about this. You’re seriously gonna send me into cardiac arrest one of these days.”

Frank had snuck up on you one too many times, and you were certain that’s how you were gonna go. Death by shock because your boyfriend likes to test how prepared you are for a surprise intruder. You’d think by this point he’d have given up on his lessons, but if anything it made him double down even harder on them. Frank didn’t budge when it came to your safety and preparedness.

His eyes narrowed slightly as he studied your form, and you quickly removed your hand from your neck despite the lingering burn. Your relationship with Frank was still a bit new, and you weren’t sure how to approach certain topics without feeling a twinge of anxiety. You hated hiding things from him, but you also weren’t sure how to bring it up. Frank was already very overprotective, and you knew without a shadow of a doubt he would never make you feel like a burden like others had in the past, but it was still nerve wracking. You two were still in the “honeymoon” phase of your relationship where everything was fresh and exciting and new; everything a chronic illness wasn’t. You wanted to stay in your little bubble outside reality for a while longer. You wanted Frank to keep feeling the excitement of something fresh and new too. You wanted him to keep feeling that “honeymoon” way about you. 

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t look fine. What’s botherin’ you?”

“My neck’s a little stiff, that’s all. Think I slept on it wrong.”

Frank arched one of his dark brows quizzically, leaning against the doorframe of your bedroom as he folded his arms over his chest. He nearly took up the entire frame. God he looked good today. Well, he looked good everyday. It really wasn’t fair. He probably didn’t even take five whole minutes to get ready this morning. It must be nice to be able to just wake up and-

“You’re a shit liar, you know that?”

You gawked at Frank’s blunt admission, your mouth hanging open slightly as he stared over you with a light smirk tugging at the edge of his month. 

“I am not.”

“Are too. You got no poker face, sweetheart. You couldn’t lie to save your damn life.”

You mirrored Frank’s actions as you crossed your arms over your own chest, wincing slightly as the motion pulled at the furious muscles in your back.

“Well, excuse me for not being good at being shady.”

Frank’s smirk dropped the second he caught your wince. He let out a deep exhale as he made his way over towards you, taking a seat on the edge of your bed and placing his large hand on your knee.

“C’mon honey, talk to me. I can see you’re in pain. Don’t bother lyin’. What is it?”

A heavy sigh escaped your lips. There was no use trying to argue with Frank when he was adamant about something. He would get what he wanted out of you, by whatever means necessary. His other methods would be deliciously tempting if your body weren’t actively betraying you. 

“It’s…my neck, and my back. They’ve been bothering me a lot lately, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to make it better. I’ve seen so many doctors about it, and I still don’t really have any answers. I kinda just…have to wait for it to pass.”

“Why didn’t you say somethin’ sweetheart?”

Because I was scared you wouldn’t think I was new and exciting anymore. 

Because I was scared you would think I was too much.

Because there’s nothing sexy about chronic pain. 

“I…guess I didn’t want to bother you with it.”

“Bother me? Why would somethin’ you can’t control bother me?”

It sounded stupid when it said it out loud, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

“What can I do?”

Your brows furrowed slightly as you looked at Frank, noticing the sincerity swirling around in the depths of dark brown.

“What?”

“What can I do to make it better?”

“Oh…um, I’m not sure. I’m still figuring that out.”

Frank rubbed at his chin with his palm, eyes scanning over your body like he was looking for some kind of invisible clue.

“What’s it feel like? More of a soreness or sharp sting?”

“Uh…little bit of both. Kinda depends.”

“What’s it feel like right now?”

“More on the sore side, like I just got hit by a truck hauling a bunch of other very large trucks.”

Frank tried his best not to laugh as he shook his head slowly, kicking off his boots as he looked at you with a warm smile.

“Okay, I can work with that. You mind if I try somethin’?”

“Not at all.”

Frank carefully moved to sit behind you against the headboard, stretching his legs out on either side of yours. His large hands hovered over your shoulders as he leaned in to speak quietly into your ear.

“If this hurts at all, even a little, tell me and I’ll stop, yeah?”

You nodded slowly as you closed your eyes, enjoying the feeling of Frank’s strong chest pressed against your back. You found yourself instinctively leaning back into his embrace, finding relief in the warmth of his body heat and the pressure of him pressed against you. A loud sigh flew from your mouth when his large hand wrapped around the base of your neck and applied a bit of pressure. He halted immediately, and you could feel his heart thrum against your back.

“You alright?”

“Yeah…yeah, that felt really good.”

Frank squeezed the back of your neck gently, rubbing his thumb in slow circles and applying a little more pressure every time. Gradually he began to massage at your shoulders and the top of your back, kneading his fingers into your aching muscles. His hands were so warm and the force behind them felt divine. Your body hadn’t felt this relaxed or loose in so long, it made you want to cry.

“How you doin’, pretty girl?”

“Feels amazing, Frank. Please keep going.”

“Sure thing, honey. Whatever you need.”

Your head dropped between your shoulders as Frank worked out every ounce of tension in the angry tissue covering your neck and back. It seemed even your body couldn’t deny the magic of Frank Castle’s hands as the vengeful pain succumbed to the sweet relief of his affection. You lost track of how long you sat there in his lap, but you could have sat there forever. It wasn’t just his hands that made the discomfort melt away. It was him. 

It was the comforting pressure of his presence, being able to feel the strength of his heart’s rhythm against your skin, and the blazing warmth that radiated from deep within him. It was the thrill of having his hands on you, knowing exactly what those hands were capable of, and reveling in the juxtaposition of how rough and heavy they felt on your skin with such delicate motions and care. It was the spicy earthiness of his cologne that draped over you like a blanket, lulling you further into the safe haven that was simply Frank.

“You have magic hands.”

Frank chuckled lowly as you settled further into his chest, brushing his nose along your cheek before pressing a sweet kiss in the same spot.

“That right?”

“Mhm. I mean I already knew that. You’ve proved to me plenty of times you’re good with your hands. But you’re really good with them.” 

“Glad you think so, sweetheart. How you feelin’?”

“Better. So much better. Can we stay like this for a while longer?”

“Course. Only place I gotta be is right here with you.”

[pygmi-cygni]

idk if this counts as a request, but I loved your post on starting, and I was wondering if you had any advice for one step before a writing session (i.e., going from the staring-at-the-wall phase to sitting down in front of some sort of screen and opening the right document). It sounds silly, but that's where I'm at right now; I've figured out how to handle a blank page most of the time, once I'm there, but I'm having trouble getting to that point. Is this something you deal with, and if so, do you have any tips for handling it?

i'm gonna assume you mean the like outlining/drafting stage? like not 'writing' the story but just like making scene outlines and stuff? that's what I'll answer but if it's wrong pls send me a follow up and i'll fix it lmao

outlining is a very person-to-person thing because it fits the story and the style and the blah de blah de blah.

but...here are some basic templates you could build off of and make your own.

the 3 act outline. divide your story into 3 'acts'.

Act 1: set-up and exposition - in the Hobbit, for example, this act would be like the arrival of the dwarves, the setup of the journey, and the beginning of the journey.

This act looks different for every story. you can pick where this act ends, but it usually transitions into the second act right before a point of major conflict or the beginning of rising tension. this act includes the inciting incident and the first 'turning point'.

Act 2: confrontation - the beginning of the intense stuff. In the Hunger Games, this would look like the beginning of the Games, where Katniss is first realizing how dangerous it is, maybe the first time she gets seriously injured. it ends with the 'darkest moment', when the characters feel all is lost and they need a win.

Act 3: resolution - The final act contains the climax, the plot twist, and the fallout. it's the final battle, then any last obstructions to peace, and then the clean-up of everybody going home, wounds being bandaged, the end yayyy.

Personally, I think 3 acts is too vague, so I do 7 acts, which is basically 3 acts divided into two (plus one) to narrow down the different phases. You can absolutely mix it up depending on the story; really big intense stories might benefit from more detailed outlining just to keep the facts straight, whereas smaller stories might not need it.

play around, find what works. if you hate an outlining process, don't use it. don't butcher your story to fit it, just find something that works.

Here are some other misc tips for setting up a writing space:

keep a fact sheet handy. just basic things to remember, if you have a hard time with remembering setting locations (me cough cough) draw up a lil map to keep it straight.

a goal checklist for the part/chapter. write out generally where you want the story to go in that place, and some need-to-happen things. this can help for writer's block, if you don't know what to write next.

remember it's okay to write out of order. make a separate document for things that you liked but don't necessarily have a 'place' in the story yet. keep it on a back tab and if you realize 'oh that piece of dialogue would be great here' do an ol' copy paste and ta daaa

I hope this answered your question and helped out anyone else who needed this! if it didn't please message me again (no hard feelings my skull is thicker than Oscar's ass) and I will write a follow up!

xox love ya

[gay-jesus-probably]

You're so right about the racist and imperialist bullshit, and something tragic to me is that this does not feel in the slightest like Zelda. In BOTW at LEAST, she's shown to actually be very smart, and while it's understandable (although not excusable) that she would have this worldview due to being raised thinking Hyrule is always right, it just really feels like she should be examining this more closely and seeing problems with it. But Nintendo won't do that, in no small part because they're cowards.

I would talk in detail about how mad I am at how they portray Ganondorf and the Gerudo, but I will spare you the 50 page essay

NO COME BACK I WANT THE ESSAY

Okay but in all seriousness though, idk, I do sort of feel like this is still fairly in character for this Zelda. I found BOTW (and Age of Calamity) characterized her as someone who is very... I don't know, traditional? To an aggressive degree, even when that adherence to tradition is actively hurting her. I mean, the closest she ever comes to actually trying to defy her fate is when she gets mad at a rock that one time. Which comes at the end of her having spent about 60% of her entire life standing in ponds and praying at said rocks in the hope that maybe this time it'll work out, because that's what she's supposed to be doing. It's canonically mentioned somewhere she almost killed herself accidentally as a kid, because she refused to get out of the damn prayer pond until she collapsed from hypothermia. Like yeah, it's fucked up that she was expected to do that... but she never thought there was anything wrong with her having to do that. She just figured she was the problem for not getting the magic at the right time.

And the narrative backs her up on this, because once she has her divine powers, BAM, all her problems are solved. She's a calm, confident leader who knows exactly what to do in every possible situation, no matter what. BOTW Zelda is an extremely passive character tbh; she seems very determined to be exactly the person she is expected to be, and she's not remotely interested in actually examining if those expectations are correct.

(though in regards to her being smart they did kinda do her dirty in TOTK; why the hell did Mineru need to fix the knockoff sheikah slate for her. zelda canonically is interested in sheikah tech. why tf does an ancient person that's never even seen a sheikah slate before need to repair it for her, NINTENDO EXPLAIN)

Anyways, and in regards to her morals... I gotta say, while she was at the point of being able to do the hard work to self examine and walk it back, BOTW Zelda definitely read as a possible baby nationalist to me. I mean, let's be real here, she is incredibly priviledged; she's the future ruler of the damn kingdom by Divine Right, and has spent her entire life being told that. And at the same time, she has really low self esteem... and no inclination to try and change the situation that's ruining her self worth. Which is how you get that one memory of Zelda using her privilege to abuse her indentured servant (indentured, because let's be real here, Link does not have the option to just quit his miserable job), knowingly tries to get him in trouble (if she runs off alone and gets hurt, it's Link's fault for losing her in the first place), and is disturbingly cool with dehumanizing him for being stuck doing his job ("It seems I'm the only one with a mind of my own around here"). And she uses her station to publicly humiliate him at one point, because that ceremony at the sacred ground was fucking painful to watch, and let's be honest here... there's no way in hell it was only the four champions attending this apparently really important ceremony; there was totally a crowd that was cut to avoid having to model all that shit.

Not that she was actively trying to humiliate him, but like... she's the one with all the power in this relationship. Link is a knight of the kingdom, and she's the soon to be Queen. Link is going through all those memories well aware that Zelda can and possibly will destroy his entire life the second she gets the chance. My point is, Zelda is extremely privileged, and it's her responsibility to understand that and be careful not to abuse her power. But the game never even suggests that she notices or cares about it. I mean fuck, even after she stops actively abusing Link, I still don't think she treats him very well. I mean for fucks sake, that one memory with the frog is really upsetting to me - she's certain her and Link and friends and everything is fine, but the power dynamics have not changed. She's still got him at a massive disadvantage, but she doesn't even hesitate to demand that he eat a live frog on the spot so she can see what happens. I liked to think that she was actually trying to make amends with Link for her mistreatment of him, but the game never really shows proof of her trying beyond the most shallow gestures possible (really? you gave him some food, and that makes up for abusing your indentured servant? that's the whole process?).

And all things considered, in TOTK, I... do not see any evidence of her having gotten better. She's just gotten worse, and I can see that as being a trauma reaction; she's basically lost everything, and now she needs to rule a kingdom after a century holding back an apocalypse. I understand why she wouldn't be in a place for self growth after that. But the unfortunate fact of life is that trauma and terrible situations can bring out the absolute worst in people - not to bring real politics into this, but after WW1 Germany was absolutely ruined, as the winners of the war imposed some completely impossible demands on them. People were starving and desperate, and that drove the country into fascism. So that's how we get TOTK Zelda - someone who is absolutely certain that divine forces make her the single most important person in the room at any given moment, Hyrule is a perfect and superior kingdom that can do no wrong, and anyone who disagrees is pure evil and must be destroyed. As for her treatment of Link... I honestly don't see it improving much. She still treats him as more of an object than a person, at least as far as I've seen - the last she saw of him, he'd suffered a horrible and traumatic injury, and yet she just takes it as a fact that he will be perfectly able and willing to take up her fight in the future; what else could he possibly be doing if not serving Zelda? That's his only purpose in life, of course he'll still be willing to do exactly as she orders.

Also jesus christ, the cult of personality built up around Zelda in game... there's so many red flags there. Despite all the genuinely monstorous shit that the fake Zelda pulls, nobody even considers being mad at her for it, even when they're still certain she's the real deal. She's the Divine Princess, of course she can torture and brainwash her subjects without consequences if she wants to, and her victims will still love her for it because they're certain they deserved it. No matter how dark things get, nobody even gets annoyed with 'Zelda' for hurting them. They're just scared that they've done something wrong to upset her, and worried they might not be able to serve her well enough.

(Can you tell the whole thing with Yunobo and the Fire Temple pissed me off, because that was infuriating)

It's good if a ruler is loved and respected by their people of course, but the level of blind devotion she's encouraged is... worrying. Of course, that's only there because the writers love Zelda and can't have let anyone question their precious favourite character, but I'm looking at this from a Watsonian perspective, and that perspective makes for a very disturbing picture. A good leader wants their people to feel safe contradicting them and asking questions. But instead we have people putting so much blind faith in her, they're completely willing to strip naked and walk into monster dens without weapons, because they think that was her orders, and they would never question Princess Zelda. And in universe, a group of researchers being ready to commit suicide on her orders is framed as being a touching sign of their devotion to her. If she was actually a good leader, then she would be horrified that her research team almost killed themselves over misheard orders; but Penn happily comments about how great it is that people would slit their own throats for her amusement, and Link never tries to correct him, suggesting that yeah, she actually does want her people to be willing to kill themselves at her command. Or at least Link finds that completely believable and in character for her.

And at the very least, things like that show that she's not interested in building an environment of equal communication and responsibility. Zelda is rebuilding a Hyrule where the royal family is the ultimate authority, and people should be willing to die before they even consider questioning her orders. So of course Ganondorf is pure evil and must be destroyed - he had to be asked repeatedly before he would kneel before the Hylian throne. Doesn't he know he's an outsider, and therefor inferior to the Divine Royalty? He refuses to accept that his race is inherently lesser to the Hylians, so he must be evil.

I mean, that in of itself is a pretty interesting story; the Hyrule established in TOTK is dark, and the entire culture is genuinely horrifying. This setting is extremely bleak, and I'd be interested if we could actually explore the implications of Link being expected to uphold this dystopian nightmare, and slowly turning against Zelda as he realizes how she truly sees the world.

But that's a nuanced and interesting story, so that's never going to happen; instead we just get this absolute shitshow of a plot, and like 75% of the fandom firmly ignores the racism and imperialism, because what kind of madman would actually want to be immersed in the story and worldbuilding of a role-playing game.

[gren-arlio]

Ah, Visual Novel Disc System games, my beloved. Welcome to Episode 8 of (Waku) Puyo Extras.

(Serilly reading a fashion magazine is pretty nice honesty. Too bad that Honey Bee and Momomo are gonna appear any second now.)

Hello everyone, it's the guy whose computer exploded on him once as well as the only Ciel fan in America (Seriously, I'm glad some fans know about Quest nowadays). Thankfully, the computer's slowly but surely getting fixed, so who knows, maybe I'll continue Arle's route next month due to every week having something planned this time around. (Apologies, Arle route watchers)

As the silly meme about PuyoLympics comes around and goes around (Thanks Witch,) I haven't neglected to speak about what the poll wanted to speak about: Serilly's Happy Birthday.

Would you call this a character speculated episode? It's more of a game starring a character, but I dunno.

With that, I think we can begin. Hope you enjoy.

------

First, let's talk about its origins:

Serilly's Happy Birthday was released in 1998 from Disc Station Volume #18, a magazine that carried either demos of games or full blown games, on the Windows 95.

(For some extra info, there were 2 sets of magazines. Issues #0-32 and Volume #1-27.)

It's a little unclear what month this was released, but we can make do with what we got.

(Cover page for the Volume.)

However, and idk if this is big news or not, but I think I found an page covering Serilly's Happy Birthday, though not in the best quality out there.

I haven't seen this anywhere on the Puyo Nexus, or anywhere else really, so take this with a grain of salt. If true though, I adore how it looks.

Apparently it was made by the people who made the Tower of the Magician artstyle, which would make a ton of sense, but take this with a grain of salt.

(No Schezo though. Yeah he just makes a cameo, but hey, would've been nice.)

Also, tiny Carbuncle. You love to see it.

-----

So, whats the game about?

The game itself is a Princess-Maker (Or in a better term, Social Simulation, didn't know the name first time around,) type game, a genre where you see the world of our own and the fictional world. Take Animal Crossing or Tomodachi Life for example. Or The Sims.

The story is that Serilly was given the ability to go on land, but she still doesn't have any legs. Minor misconception but an understandable one.

You then...simply put, plan Serilly's birthday as a whole, going through a week by week basis to get to the end of the year.

(A screen showing the days. From the Japanese characters from top left to bottom right, its Arle, Rulue, Suketoudara, Witch, Draco, and Owlbear.)

You may wonder what the numbers mean on the left. I'm glad you asked. They're stats that increase whilst doing activities with Serilly, such as dancing with Incubus, studying with Satan Masked Principal, I believe training with Samurai Mole, cleaning with Kikimora, etc.

From top left to bottom right, it goes Power, Head(? Due to Samurai Mole,) Cuteness, Story(? Or negotiation.), Kindness, and fatigue. These points are given in random increments, and doing too much tires Serilly, so heads up on on that.

(Cleaning with Kikimora. This is the best quality I could find this.)

Speaking of characters, here's some that appear in this game:

Arle

Witch

Suke

Owlbear

Masked Principal (NOT Satan. Wrong guy.)

Rulue

Draco

Incubus

Kikimora (Man. She's everywhere.)

Schezo. As a cameo in I think one of Witch's supports, and he's not the best written here.

-----

Wait, Supports?

Now you may wonder what I mean by supports. Well, to get an ending, along with Stat Points, you need to talk to the person themselves, which is why with my little Fire Emblem brain, call them supports. You have to have spoken to them enough, as well as get the necessary stats to get their ending, which is why it's so hard to get Draco's ending, least from what I see and hear. And Witch flat out won't talk to you if you're too stupid for her apparently.

However, while a little one-note, the supports and talks themselves are very charming in their own right, and they look stupid good to boot.

(A small support you can get with Witch.)

So, with those 6 characters I mentioned for the endings, there's 7 possible endings. One of them is NO ONE going to Serilly's birthday. If I ever got this ending, I'm retiring from everything.

Serilly herself is still fairly shy, but much more outgoing than what we're used to, which is nice considering she's the star of the show. I genuinely like how she's written here. Not Waku Puyo levels of great, but still top 2 IMO.

The characters themselves are roughly the same, with some expections. For example, the Masked Principal is actually incredibly nice to you, which is just...amazing tbh, Rulue is more dedicated to her training than anything, and Schezo...sucks as a character this time around. He's just a dude walking around saying "I want you!" like an actual pervert rather than just being a goofball about it. Oh, the misery. (Everybody wants to be my enemy...)

But what do some of these endings look like? Unfortunately, our old pal "The 10 image limit," has attacked us once again, and so, I can only show 4 of them.

But they're the popular characters so...I guess we win this time.

I genuinely love how this game looks, man. And the endings themselves are super charming in their own way. I believe in the Masked Principal ending, she helps people swim (Panotty, Archan?, Honey Bee, and Kodomo Dragon,) and it's honestly super cute.

-----

So what do I personally think?

I think this game is incredibly interesting, as it's something that Disc Station or Puyo has a whole hasn't really seen. They chose an interesting character with Serilly, and they honestly made this game look visually stunning. The music is nice to listen to, and the characters are fairly nice to you for the most part, which is a nice change of pace considering it's, well... Serilly.

Overall, if you can ever find a way to see gameplay of the sort, check it out.

This is a shorter Puyo Extras, but I think I covered most of the basis of this game. That'll be all for now.

Cya guys.

[olreid]

'the secret good neverafter that lives in my head' lol i take it you're not enjoying the season? curious to hear why if you feel like sharing

hmm idk that i would say im not enjoying it but yeah i think for me it's just not really like. a successful horror story at least so far. under a cut for length lol

i think the first thing watching neverafter has helped me discover is that i dont think characters in a horror story can know that they are in a horror story, at least initially. OR if they do, they have to be the only person who knows it and no one else can agree with or believe them. for me at least, such a huge element of resonant horror is the split between what the world insists it is and what it actually is, between what you are promised in life and what you actually receive. you have to be being told that the world is logical, good, that there is a way for you to win at life or beat the game or escape the prison, and you have to genuinely believe that, at least at first. so i wish neverafter hadn't started with the premise of 'the world has gotten noticeably Bad and you all noticed it and everyone agrees that this is the case even if they dont know how to fix it.' i wish they had played it straight, starting in the happily ever after of fairy tales and had the characters slowly realizing that actually they're not happy even though they're supposed to be, and having to break out of prisons that don't look like prisons and fight through a world that insists it is helping them at every step even as it constrains and warps them. and i know that's partially at odds with needing to appropriately warn viewers about what they're getting into, but i still think even if they had billed this season as a horror season and started out the first episode with Everything Is Great, that would have been excellent because i would have been just WAITING in agony for the other shoe to drop.

and then i think my other issue besides the framing has more to do with the general format of d20, which i don't think lends itself to horror for several reasons, firstly the at this point predictable shape of a main cast season. again i think a lot of the power of horror comes from unpredictability; you know something bad is going to happen in a horror story, but you don't know exactly when or what shape it will be. the wind gets kind of taken out of the sails if you know that it's going to be an every-other-episode combat situation. i appreciate that brennan's trying to add some new stuff in - red tokens, one shot kills, etc - but i don't think it's enough and even the twist of the tpk alreadys feel like it's been almost fully explained in-world to the point that we now understand how combat works in this setting. again that goes along with the format -- the players have to be able to understand the game in order to play it and be able to effectively help tell the story. but it means that things are pretty predictable, and when you've watched a bunch of d20 seasons you develop an eye for what the next fight will look like and what the overall arc of a season will be. there is of course still room for me to be surprised or proven wrong here! but my hopes are not high.

the other issue is that d20 is first and foremost a comedy. and it's not that i think horror can't be funny, but i think that largely the comedy has to come from audience interpretation -- horror needs to take itself seriously to succeed, at least for me. i think of the 'it's remarkably easy to buy an ax in central london' line from tma -- timeless and hilarious but jon is completely sincere when he says it and jonny's delivery is similarly sincere; he plays it straight, and so we get both the horror of that moment -- jon having been driven to a point where he feels the need to arm himself, which seems a pitiful gesture in the face of the forces at work on him -- and the humor, which comes when we distance ourselves a bit from the text and can appreciate that line out of context. neverafter, on the other hand, as a comedy show, is full of jokes and bits which not only contrast somewhat bizarrely with the more serious horror moments but also serve to lower the stakes of the entire project, as nearly every joke creates distance between player and character, reminding us as the audience that they are just that -- characters, not real people, in a made-up world. for example, in the spider fight where lou is calling the spiders who are attacking him Ladies as he fails to fight them off, it succeeds as a joke -- it did make me laugh -- but fails as horror because if someone was truly prone glued to a spider web with spiders crawling onto their body, i highly doubt they would be joking about it, so it takes me out of the scene and makes the world less real to me. in the other direction, the fact that it's a comedy also primes the players to take what brennan says as comedy first and horror second, eg the mouse in cinderella's old house who is saying something genuinely horrifying about not being in control of his body or actions as the entire table struggles not to break because the voice is funny or whatever. and so i feel like the two main goals of the season are at cross-purposes, because nearly all of the successful comedy makes it feel like less of a horror story, and makes the characters feel less real.

and having said all that it's not that i don't think the d20 table is capable of doing horror well, because i honestly think they already have done so with a crown of candy. acoc doesn't suffer from any of the issues ive outlined above; characters were killed in roleplay episodes to the point that you felt something terrible could happen at any time; the season took itself seriously, perhaps because the premise itself is so inherently comedic that they decided that to seriously embody a character who is a loaf of bread named senator ciabatta is funnier than making a gag out of it. whatever the reason, the stakes of the world are incredibly high -- we know this was also partially because it was a low-magic, high lethality season where brennan put limits on the party's healing abilities and removed most of the plot armor that protected characters in other fantasy seasons. and crucially, the characters did not begin the story thinking that the world was terrible. they were all members of the royal house of rocks, and heavily invested in their world moving according to logical rules and patterns; so much of the horror and tragedy of the season comes with the dawning realization on the part of the characters that the rules they thought would protect them -- those of diplomacy and morality and cause and effect -- don't actually prevent harm, death, grief, or suffering.

similarly, fantasy high sophomore year succeeds at horror, largely because the horror is dream and mirror-based so there is a sense of pervasive unsafety and a feeling that characters cannot even doze off without making themselves vulnerable to possession or violation. so it's not that i think d20 couldn't ever do horror successfully, which would almost be better -- they have done it and i have watched them do it but theyre not doing it now for whatever reason and that is disappointing. i was promised horror!! i want horror!!!

hopefully i don't need to say that this is just one guy's opinion on why it hasn't gripped me -- i know it's working for others because the tag is always full of people posting about how they couldnt sleep after the episode or whatever and truly good for them. but that is not my journey

[nikatyler]

Zeph 1.0

in other news we continue clowning for Astarion and letting him drink from us

(x)

Right so I don't know what or who to believe anymore in this goddamn game

I say goddamn but I still love it don't get me wrong

(x)

mum come pick me up i'm scared

now tell me why tf did i rush here with no spell slots left

yeah we're fucked, reload 💀

(x)

i may be a monster

(x)

I'm starting to get a headache but I wanna keep playing 🥴

Hyperfocus this, hyperfocus that, what about "I'm fully aware I should be doing something else or else I will suffer greatly but I can't stop and it's worth the pain" kinda focus

(x)

*You notice the blood's source* *Astarion approves* okay thanks??? 😂

(x)

"Can you imagine dressing entirely in red?" I'm not saving your ass when I create Ross for my next playthrough smh

(x)

I felt really really really bad about this and thought I was making a big mistake (I probably was 💀) but seeing only 7 % of players unlocked this? Yeah that's cool. Or maybe not. Idk I feel bad 💀

(x)

Trying to take down the bitch evil vampire again

Am I struggling? Mayhaps

We are Fucked™ lmao (that's a lmao of big pain not lmao of this is hilarious)

Alright let's try again

How do y'all not get attached and just play and stay cool because it's just a game. I'm 👌 this close to ugly rage crying lol stop being mean to my boy leave him alone stay away from him get a job

Not now duo dammit

...fuck

Yeah no I'm reloading and I'm just gonna fuck around the city a bit, I can't do this rn 💀

Okay so the strategy of 1) just go there 2) try not to die is not working too well in the big fights in act 3 for me 💀 oh well I'll try harder I guess

(x)

they need a pair of glasses smh

(x)

So I'm seriously considering throwing 2 weeks of gameplay in the trash just to get a better shot at a romance but…now I'm thinking about some tedious parts and ehhh 🫠

Is he worth it? He is worth it. Right?

Lmao I don't remember the last time a fictional character had a grasp on me like that. It's rather embarrassing really 💀 I'm too old to act like this aren't I 💀

(x)

Actually considering how bad today has been, reloading that far will probably Fix Me™ so I'm doing that right after a little afterwork nap

And if it turns out to be pointless or a bad idea I can always just switch back to the furthest point in the storyline I got, I won't overwrite that save

(x)

Sacrificing about 42 hours of gameplay 🫡 it's been an honor but I need the vampire's love more than oxygen. Reloading now 🫡

And I'm making sure to actually finish some quests I didn't the first time *cough* the shadow curse *cough*

(x)

I put him in Karlach's clothes...for science

(x)

HELP I'VE BEEN LAUGHING AT THIS FOR FIVE MINUTES NOW

(x)

I need to pickpocket people more. In the game I mean. Every time I succeed, I get a good giggle out of it 🤭

(x)

organ rearranger you say...can i...can i say something...

Okay we're all adults here right I can say it. Minors look away this isn't a safe space for you

Well let's just say I stole this for someone and he can rearrange my organs anytime okay byeeeeeeee

Well technically he stole it himself I just giggled with my finger ready on f8 in case things go badly 🤭

(x)

Okay so I just found that one reason why some things weren't going well for me was simply because I don't long rest enough in the game 💀

(x)

Me when I first started playing bg3: I hope there's a way to avoid a lot of combat, I hope I'll be able to just talk my way through Me now: woooo slaughter!! 😗

(x)

Nooo I was like "wooo yeah cutscene finally!!! is it happening?? are we so back???? we're so back amirite" and it's this guy 😭😭 (with all due respect i was hoping for something else 💀)

(x)

and it's only gonna get worse

let's goooooo

(x)

Does this game hate me or what

It's so joever it's so joever I'm just not getting any cutscenes in the camp lmao

My negative rizz is so strong not even videogame characters want me

(x)

You know what? I get her

(x)

WAIT HOLD WE ARE SO BACK

I USED TO PRAY FOR TIMES LIKE THIS *incoherent screaming*

I truly am the embodiment of this meme

I'm not even trying to scream anymore my voice is dead

I can't believe this actually happened so now I'm pretty much spamming the kiss, ignoring everything else

"I play for the plot" she said 🤭

(x)

my game crashed, good thing I save every five seconds otherwise I'd think about jumping off of very tall somethings

okay i actually lost like zero progress, jfc blessed day

(x)

Zeph you're standing way too close lol

(x)

"I'm gonna speedrun the parts I've been through about a week ago," she said, failing to realize she's not a good runner

There's no such thing as speedrunning this game lol. I just want to do everything always. Fight everything and open every crate and loot everyone 🤭

(x)

back to act 3 we go now that i've righted my wrongs 😌😌

(x)

wise words from daddy, wise words indeed

(x)

buddy you have one job

(x)

...okay?

(x)

"watch out for anyone acting STRANGELY" said by the guy who tries to suck your blood on like the first night of camping together but ok love whatever you say 💀

(x)

[the-bjd-community-confess]

I know that age doesn't really have anything to do with maturity or ability to cope/function in life but holy shit was I flabbergasted when I found out that lolit@ari is fucking 30 years old. Homegirl acts like she's 16 and just learned the phrase "social justice" and has decided to use it in the clumsiest, most self-righteous, self-promoting way possible lmao. she's so up in arms about Palestine (which, do NOT get me wrong, is definitely a huge problem and something people should be talking about!) but then she also talks a lot about her vapes and how she NEEDS them and ignores the fact that there's another genocide happening in the Congo and vapes are one of the products being made and profitting directly off of that genocide? like. girl. I'm going to need you to develop some self-awareness. not to mention her absolute inability to recognize that sometimes we don't get to buy the fun things we want if we have bills and needs that have to be taken care of first? I can't take her seriously at all because she just gives off the vibe of "oh poor me my life is so hard and it's the world and everyone else's fault boohoo" but then doesn't use the help that people are clearly willing to give her, either through comissions or donations, to fix her shitty situation and instead uses it for doll shit. like idk man we all have different ways to cope and I'm not going to sit here and act like the world doesn't suck ass but still. c'mon girlie

~Anonymous

[mcl-mia]

//so... i have (finally) began trudging my way through the routes of wh again (done every route prior to rembrant's, sans klaus 2 because i am petty and still think it shouldn't have existed), and i've finally gotten to nox's route. just finished rembrandt's. and like... man do i have Thoughts. so i'm going to compile them and scream into the void. many of them will probably be on rembrandt's route, but that's because.... you know. the one i just finished.

first of all. narrative wise, i ADORE the continuation. i love how they are all in one connected timeline, it really brings such a finality to season 2 and it does, despite having its own issues, fixes what one of my biggest problems with the s1 routes (i.e. self contained story lines that don't connect anywhere). they introduce like, 80% of the cast that you're going to be interacting with and dating for the forseeable future and it makes it feel like a proper overarching storyline actually EXISTS!!! AND THERE IS ONE!!! AND IT WILL SOMETIMES REFERENCE S1 STUFF!!! IT'S SO GOOD. SO GOOD.

-100 points for having the rest of the s1 cast being almost fucking absent though. i understand that like. narratively they wouldn't always need to be there. however. i miss my boys. also -10000000 points for practically no amelia. where's my fucking wingman.

i 👏 love 👏 the 👏 night 👏 class 👏 boys. 👏👏👏 they feel like an actual friend group and shit like this makes me soooooo fucking emotional:

literally this makes me so feral. like, these people are liz's best fucking friends and it SHOOOWWWWSSS. the unconditional love here makes my heart want to burst.

i am eating so much good food lore wise. geography from bith hisoka and rembrandt's routes have me eating so good.

i like the time travel aspect well enough, though i do wish they did a smidge more with it? i'm not done with the rest of the routes yet obv but i'm curious to see if liz gets to keep her time powers. the end of rembrandt's route seems to imply that she lost them because the goddess crystal shattered, though?? status is currently unclear.

this line from mischa destroyed me:

like seriously. what the fuck. this is such a good line. and it reminds me that hugo, vain, and mischa have seen so many possible timelines that exist, and yet there IS one where hugo decides to take his shot. i know they basically have everybody be in love with liz but i think it's especially cute but very cruel for hugo, who almost certainly falls in love with her every time he meets her in a different timeline. just something to think about.

speaking of mischa. i think it's fucking adorable how chica and mischa are pen pals. besties. refined ladies. we love them. idk why tumblr doesn't want me to upload the screenshot but it's really cute.

so. routes. hugo's and hisoka's felt like..... nothing? like sure, they had some Big Picture Plot relevance, hugo's moreso for obvious reasons, but hisoka's felt like a beach episode. really weird.

hisoka's especially felt like nothing. like, cool that they introduce beastmen and , subsequently,the not so cool furry racism (wow i love fe9/fe10). but like. what else did it do besides have rembrandt take his watch back. and some geography. it was a nice change of pace, but the stakes felt so incredibly low compared to the two other routes its sandwiched between. don't get me wrong, i love the ending that came out from it. i LOVE the market idea and i love how it was walter fucking goldstein that sponsors hisoka. i just wish that, like..... there was bigger things going on in it. cute route overall, but just felt a little out of place. also hachi is a 10/10 familiar. would give so many pets.

ok. so rembrandt. i love, like, a LOT of how this route is written, to an extent. it is SO full of lore and dragonkin biology. i also like the overt head-smashing symbolism of rembrandt's magic being called "twilight" - not quite day, not quite night. if i were any dumber i'd call it clever.

so. to go back to the bad. because i think, very ironically, rembrandt is the worst part of his own fucking route. it's not that i don't find rembrandt exceedingly pretty, because he is, and his characterization is kinda... good? but he's just not the rest of the cast. literally the rest of the s2 squad consistently make me smile and giggle like a child, while i'm giving the "romance" a 1000 yard stare.

like, seriously. this small convo with lucious is just fucking great and better than any dialogue liz and rembrandt have ever had:

lucious calling his friends virgins is so funny. you go you funky little dude. never change, baby boy. but this is just soooo GOOD.

there's a lot of instances where they make it a point to show that the s2 cast really cares for liz, and that they are so comfortable around her. there's SO much good interaction and it's so cute... and then rembrandt is just. there. in the corner. losing his religion.

ok but seriously. let's talk about rembrandt himself for a sec. because like, rembrandt is fine. i appreciate that they don't beat around the bush that he is literally going to outlive liz. i also appreciate that everybody else is like, "do not fucking trust him, he is literally the enemy". unfortunate that due to the nature of the route liz is like "nuh uh" which makes everyone else be like "fym nuh uh". overall though i feel like he's just. too bland. which is WILD considering that he was a prison of war for like 1000 years. i know it's moreso that in his route he has (because of liz) finally started to trust humans again, but i wanted hesitation, i wanted DRAMA, a more romeo and juliet type beat!!! that came kinda close to it, but rembrandt being there and basically turning himself in is.... lame. very lame. sigh.

and then we have the incorporation of rembrandt into the main group. like, i love the night class boys SO much. and like, it bothered me a lot when liz would be like "oh don't worry rembrandt, we're your friends and you're part of the group now!" when rembrandt would do basically nothing but exist there. like, he barely interacted with them??? he felt very out of place, especially when the rest of the boys were still unsure about rembrandt. at least make fun of zeus like the rest of us, old man.

also. the plot point where rembrandt met liz when she was a kid, and she changed his whole outlook on humans..... uuuugggghhhhh. felt very unnecessary imo. it's like they just wanted to slap in another romance trope to make up for the fact that there wasn't a lot of romance to begin with. uuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

this was funny:

thank you for your services caesar o7

oh! and nox's outfit as nightmare is dumb. i know wh probably wasn't getting the greatest budget in the world but like... could have made it, like, so much better. i'll do a separate post for that in a min.

uhhhhhh i think that's all i got for now. i have . more but y'know. more to come.

[yellowloid]

✨🌿

thank you bestie <33

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

aaaa this is seriously such a difficult question tbh i was very indecisive between two fics in particular - has to be either 'of loving at will, of loving till death' or 'can't help myself', but i think i'll go with the latter here. i enjoyed writing that fic so much, it was an idea i'd had on my mind for so long at that point i really needed to get it out and i think it's just such a fun and light fic but it still means so much to me!! but idk, i feel like maybe people simply aren't that into lingerie lmao don't get me wrong, i'm very grateful and happy with the feedback i've gotten for it but i posted it during a very weird time private life-wise and so i got kinda weird about it too. idk idk. i love it but posting it somehow managed to send me into a writing slump that i'm still trying to get out of so there's that lmao

🌿how does creating make you feel?

it's not really a fixed feeling, is it? sometimes it feels like breathing, it just comes so natural and automatic - you manage to write thousands of words in one day and it doesn't weigh down on you at all; but then some other times you spend hours trying to craft something that just doesn't want to come out, and you work and work and work until your eyes feel like sandpaper and your head could explode, you look at that word count and it's less than 1k words. it's exhausting and you can't stop, you feel guilty when you don't do it and it's all you want to do; sometimes you sit down to do it and you just can't find the words, and then sometimes you work your way through a whole scene in one sitting and you just feel like you could scream at everyone that you did it, you created something that is yours and yours only - from scratch, from your very own, very messy mind. and it feels so good, like you have electricity running through your whole body. and then you go back to reread everything once you're done with it: you start to edit to polish everything and wrap it all together, and you really feel it coming to life. and then, when you're done with that too and you finally post it, it's like you're putting a piece of yourself out for the world to see, and it's just so validating - saying i'm here, this is me, this is something that came from my mind, i could see it so clearly and now it's real and other people can see it too. it's yours, it helped you and it haunted you, and it's not just an idea anymore - it's tangible, a proof of your passage. your way of saying 'i'm here, i was here, i will be here'.